MBMBaM 775: Face 2 Face: Cookies and Clam

Live from frisbee-flinging St. Paul, we’ve got all our best tips and tricks for all aspects of your life! Yes, any piece of advice here can be applied to the universal problems you or anyone might be facing! Problems like a breakfast-less pantry, what to do when your boss’ butt is on TV, or how to present thirty pinball machines, we have the answers for you! Suggested talking points: French That Ace, You Can Laugh Whenever You Want, Finfluencer, Real Human Buttskin, JK J Jonah Jameson Simmons, 2-Factor Authentication Poop World Central Kitchen: https://wck.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  And their advice should never be followed.

• 0:09Speaker 00

  Travis insists he's a sexpert. But if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids. Which I mention only so the babies out there know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:28Speaker 01

  One, two, three. It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's ripened into a precious friendship.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  I could've never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah. It's better, it's better with you. My life, ah. It's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah. It's better, it's better with you. My life, ah. It's better with you.

• 1:18Travis McElroy?

  Hey, everybody. Hey. Welcome from Brother, My Brother Beats and Advice Show from the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

• 1:28Travis McElroy?

  Hi. I don't know why that was so fast.

• 1:31Griffin McElroy?

  I took so long getting to the "here."

• 1:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:34Griffin McElroy?

  And I didn't have enough Montaigne to say the words.

• 1:36Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay. What's up, Trav Nation? I'm your middlest brother, Travis "Vroom Vroom" McElroy.

• 1:45Travis McElroy?

  How's it going, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, 30 Under 30 Media Luminary Griffin, Bill Ford of McElroy.

• 1:56Griffin McElroy?

  I noticed that someone had put a big pile of gum on the stage. I didn't pick it up because I'm not going out like that.

• 2:08Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:09Griffin McElroy?

  I'm not saying most of you would be capable of poisoning us.

• 2:15Travis McElroy?

  I wasn't even worried about that. I'm worried about trick gum.

• 2:21Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 2:22Travis McElroy?

  You did?

• 2:22Griffin McElroy?

  The gum mystery has been solved. I will say that this is mostly an audio-based, mouth-based medium. But thank you for thinking of us.

• 2:33Travis McElroy?

  Speaking of which, though, I do want to give a special shout-out to the people who fueled tonight's show. Angry Line Coke brought their food truck and made us some delicious burgers.

• 2:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yummy.

• 2:45Travis McElroy?

  So if the show is especially meaty and delicious. That's why. That's why. Thank you, Angry Line Coke. Thank you. And I, that meal didn't eat anything for me but a tiny sweet treat to wash it all down. Okay, so here's what happened. A tiny sweet treat to wash it all down. Yeah, so about 5:45, Griffin comes down. Justin and I are finishing our delicious burgers. Griffin says, "Are you guys ready to prep for the show?" Justin says, "Yeah, let us finish digesting first, and then we'll head up and we'll prep."

• 3:18Griffin McElroy?

  As if that's a span of time that is universally recognized? It takes like 18 hours to digest something, I think.

• 3:28Travis McElroy?

  So Griffin leaves to go to the room where we're gonna prep. 30 seconds later, Shannon comes in. Shannon helps with our social media and communication stuff. She's here at the show tonight.

• 3:38Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Shannon.

• 3:39Travis McElroy?

  She comes in and she goes, "Hey, I'm gonna go to the candy store around the corner. Does anyone wanna go?" And Justin's like, "Yeah." And leaves the building. Okay, so the Hoops Troops are gonna be with me on this one. I just know it. Here is my rationale. Candyland was the name of a store.

• 4:08Travis McElroy?

  Uh, they had little gummy bears that I love.

• 4:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 4:13Travis McElroy?

  And I wanted it, so... Our jobs aren't hard, and I know that, right?

• 4:19Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 4:21Travis McElroy?

  And I knew that if I, if I tried to do a show knowing that I hadn't gotten the candy that I wanted, I wouldn't be giving you the show that you deserved.

• 4:32Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 4:33Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but, Jayman, the... You don't want me to resent you.

• 4:38Griffin McElroy?

  The problem is...

• 4:39Travis McElroy?

  For depriving me of candy. The three of us work very hard to pretend like our jobs are hard and important, and when you choose candy over doing them, it really drives home like,

• 4:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 4:49Travis McElroy?

  "Oh, no, the fiction's been eroded away." Right. So, I think some of the more salient points you may have missed. Uh, so I'll start back at the beginning. I did, I did want the candy. Oh, man! Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know if I... How was it? Yeah, it was very good. I got some caramel corn. It was like, called like Yummo Snack or something like that. It was fantastic.

• 5:12Griffin McElroy?

  It was called Yummo Snack?

• 5:14Travis McElroy?

  Snack-a-lean or something like that.

• 5:17Griffin McElroy?

  Wow, cool.

• 5:18Travis McElroy?

  It was great. And then they had, uh, like, a bomb pop flavored taffy. Uh, I got that for the kids and some chocolate rocks. You love those?

• 5:25Griffin McElroy?

  If later on, if later on in the show, Justin's falling behind in the choreography a little bit, just know it's because that was the section of the rehearsal that he missed for the candy.

• 5:36Travis McElroy?

  That's very true. I will say, it's a lovely shop, though, and you should be proud, St. Paul. I don't know why my brothers are so against supporting local businesses.

• 5:48Travis McElroy?

  I'm just trying to buy the candy I can with the time that I have on this earth.

• 5:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:52Travis McElroy?

  I like my local businesses on wheels, moving around to wherever I am, instead of me having to leave where I am and go to them, Justin.

• 6:01Griffin McElroy?

  That's a good point.

• 6:02Travis McElroy?

  That's a really good point. So, this is... Are there candy food trucks? I'm locking that in. TMTMT.

• 6:06Griffin McElroy?

  You can't.

• 6:09Travis McElroy?

  "I'm an avid disc golfer, and I need something cool to say or do when I hit an ace, which is basically when you get a hole in one. What are some cool things I can say or do when I get an ace?" That's from AceVenturer.

• 6:25Travis McElroy?

  I'll try again. Ace Ventura in Apple Valley.

• 6:28Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here?

• 6:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:30Griffin McElroy?

  Hey.

• 6:31Travis McElroy?

  Hey. What's up?

• 6:32Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, like, can we try that one more time? Are you, are you here? Okay, cool.

• 6:38Griffin McElroy?

  No, I'm sorry, there were like nine people.

• 6:40Travis McElroy?

  I think some people were excited about Apple Valley.

• 6:43Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 6:44Travis McElroy?

  Hey, we can be neutral or excited about a place. Don't shit on Apple Valley. I don't know anything about it, but people live there, I'm sure.

• 6:53Griffin McElroy?

  We can, we could knock this one out of the park.

• 6:57Travis McElroy?

  As easy as we could score an ace, 100% of the time. Well, I thought you guys would say that. That's what you all don't know about us, is when we are not podcasting, like, every second we're not podcasting.

• 7:08Griffin McElroy?

  Slinging that frizz.

• 7:09Travis McElroy?

  We're frothing left and right.

• 7:11Griffin McElroy?

  Slinging them, gang. Slinging them dirty style.

• 7:14Travis McElroy?

  I knew that that would be easy. That's something we could have done in our first 700 episodes. So I've decided to up the difficulty with the following question. I'm a wedding photographer, and as you can imagine, I end up saying the phrase, "Okay, now kiss," a lot. It gets repetitive. I want to mix things up. So do you have any alternative phrases or things I can say to get couples to kiss? That's from Mac in Minneapolis. Are you here? Okay, so what I am suggesting to you guys is, I only want phrases that work for both.

• 7:57Travis McElroy?

  Put it in there. No, okay. So, right, that's, I warned everyone that he would do that. And he, and he has now.

• 8:06Griffin McElroy?

  Can we be serious now?

• 8:08Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. Thank you.

• 8:10Griffin McElroy?

  Smooched?

• 8:13Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. It's gonna be, it's gonna be a lot easier to do the disc golf one than the one where you tell two people to kiss. So I do think focusing maybe first step on what can you say to two people to make them kiss that will not get you in jail.

• 8:30Travis McElroy?

  I'll tell you what it is. I didn't expect the tense to be tripping me up as much as it has, but it's very hard to celebrate something in the past and also encourage something in the future.

• 8:40Griffin McElroy?

  That is the main challenge. You can't say "smooched it." Because they haven't yet.

• 8:45Travis McElroy?

  That's how, that's how you smooch it, no?

• 8:48Griffin McElroy?

  No, show me how you smooch it.

• 8:50Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let me.

• 8:52Griffin McElroy?

  That's my favorite. I love the original Smash Bros., but every time Captain Falcon hits that B special. That's how you smooch it.

• 9:00Travis McElroy?

  What about smooch city?

• 9:03Griffin McElroy?

  Smooch city is pretty good.

• 9:04Travis McElroy?

  Smooch city? Yeah. I mean, smooching doesn't mean anything. In the golf context, we all understand that's just a sound. This is just a celebratory. It doesn't have to relate to golf. Oh, don't, first be golf, excuse me, how offensive. But it just has to sound celebratory enough

• 9:23Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 9:24Travis McElroy?

  that you would yell it upon a successful ace.

• 9:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, most jubilant sort of exaltations are usually not sport-specific. Like, you're rarely like, "Basketball the shit out of that one."

• 9:40Travis McElroy?

  "Now that I've hit an ace, I wanna watch two people kiss."

• 9:45Griffin McElroy?

  Now, hold on, Travis is on to a little life hack here, cuz you can be like, "Hit that ace?" Hit that ace is not bad, cuz hit is both a command and also a past tense reference.

• 9:57Travis McElroy?

  "French that ace."

• 9:58Griffin McElroy?

  French?

• 10:06Griffin McElroy?

  I don't think the... I'm not a wedding photographer. I don't think you have to specify the depth of insertion of the kiss that you're taking a picture of.

• 10:19Travis McElroy?

  Okay, okay, okay, okay. I wanna... This one is a little bit wordier.

• 10:23Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 10:23Travis McElroy?

  What about, "Today, you've shown us all how it's done, and I can't wait to see what's next."

• 10:32Travis McElroy?

  And then, if it's with the wedding, you start going like, "Huh?"

• 10:35Griffin McElroy?

  No, hold on.

• 10:36Travis McElroy?

  Let him, let him cook. That was the whole recipe.

• 10:41Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, shit.

• 10:43Travis McElroy?

  I guess what I'm confused about, Justin, is say, I'm saying this. I hit an ace, and then I say, "Today, you've shown us all how it's done,

• 10:54Travis McElroy?

  and I can't wait to see what comes next." I admitted, early on, we were having some tense issues. No, this, hey, this is actually, and we rarely have this, a pronouns issue.

• 11:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:04Travis McElroy?

  "I made the ace, and someone else showed me how it's done. Is my dad there who taught me to play?" How about this? This golf? Okay, all right. "Today, I think we've all seen pretty good how it's done."

• 11:19Griffin McElroy?

  I love it. Justin was like, "We're gonna have a tense issue." "I'm gonna lean on that as hard as I fucking possibly can."

• 11:26Travis McElroy?

  Today, I think we've all seen together how it's done. And I think this is the moment we've all been waiting for.

• 11:37Travis McElroy?

  I think, just to run it back to if this is a singular line of wedding photography, if you imply the moment you've been waiting for is getting to see them kiss, that's deeply upsetting.

• 11:50Griffin McElroy?

  How about this?

• 11:51Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 11:51Griffin McElroy?

  How about this? And it depends, I think it works on either situation depending on the sort of emphasis that you put on it, which is, "You know that's what I wanna see."

• 12:08Griffin McElroy?

  It's the, okay.

• 12:09Travis McElroy?

  I gotta, I gotta see it.

• 12:11Griffin McElroy?

  No, no, no, you know that's what I gotta see. Everyone's gonna look around like, "What did, what did we do? What did he like see?"

• 12:16Travis McElroy?

  You know what I wanna see, versus, "You know what I wanna see." Okay, okay, what about this? In that line, "Okay, big moment."

• 12:28Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. Oh, man. Travis, you blew it wide open.

• 12:35Griffin McElroy?

  This is not only a great catchphrase for when you have a moment of athletic achievement, it's a nice vibe to bring to any kind of athletic event. You make a big three-pointer to win the game, you stop, "Okay, big moment."

• 12:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, just internalize that. "I'm just gonna, I'm gonna take a mental picture of this so I remember it on my failure days, that I've always been great and I don't need every day to be great. And also, I need you two to kiss now."

• 13:02Travis McElroy?

  "Was all of that out loud?" Shit.

• 13:05Griffin McElroy?

  You, you sink a hole-in-one with the frisbee, sorry, disc. And then after you sink the hole-in-one, you look at the next player, you say, "On your tempo," and then you walk away.

• 13:20Griffin McElroy?

  So you've changed the rules of the game.

• 13:23Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, the game is fair. So this is a celebratory phrase, but it's a little more braggadocious. Keeps it a little more calm.

• 13:29Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, but no, I think a celebratory phrase must be delivered as soon as the disc goes in the chain hole or whatever.

• 13:35Travis McElroy?

  The disc goes in the hole, you look at the next player on your tempo.

• 13:38Griffin McElroy?

  That fast?

• 13:39Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:39Griffin McElroy?

  That's a power move.

• 13:40Travis McElroy?

  You don't even look to see if it goes in, right?

• 13:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:44Travis McElroy?

  Like, when you're ready, and then it goes in.

• 13:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 13:47Travis McElroy?

  When you're ready is probably...

• 13:48Griffin McElroy?

  When you're ready is good.

• 13:49Travis McElroy?

  Is actually a little bit better.

• 13:50Griffin McElroy?

  Is it good to make an athletic achievement and say, "When you're ready"?

• 13:55Travis McElroy?

  But it's like, it's like you're ready for their turn, because you know yours is gonna go in the hole.

• 13:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:00Travis McElroy?

  This isn't legally binding, you know?

• 14:02Griffin McElroy?

  What do you think about "get to the hole"? Travis, I don't think hole...

• 14:06Travis McElroy?

  You have a lot of bad ideas tonight, I say.

• 14:09Griffin McElroy?

  Plant... You said "when you're ready" after hitting a hole on one. You also said you've shown me how to do it. Which, you know what? If you're picturing that directed up to the heavens about your walk with Christ.

• 14:23Travis McElroy?

  That's great!

• 14:24Griffin McElroy?

  That actually works really well. I can't take the credit. He's shown me how to do it.

• 14:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 14:30Griffin McElroy?

  I'm disc golfing with the Lord.

• 14:32Travis McElroy?

  Hey, hey, plant one on the hole, Christ.

• 14:38Travis McElroy?

  Hey.

• 14:39Griffin McElroy?

  If you put a comma in there, "plant one on the hole, Christ, come on!"

• 14:50Griffin McElroy?

  This is the moment I've been waiting for!

• 14:54Travis McElroy?

  All right, well...

• 14:54Griffin McElroy?

  When you're ready! There, I do think the best option is something of a sort of circus ringmaster of, "And now the big, and now the moment we've all been waiting for." No, you can't say that after... You hit the ace, or you're trying to get him kissed, and you say, "This is the greatest show!", and you just announce it.

• 15:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 15:13Griffin McElroy?

  That actually doesn't work if you're watching someone kiss.

• 15:15Travis McElroy?

  No, it doesn't.

• 15:16Griffin McElroy?

  I said it out loud and I pictured it.

• 15:17Travis McElroy?

  Does a fanfare work? Could you give either situation a "bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup"?

• 15:22Griffin McElroy?

  Kiss.

• 15:23Travis McElroy?

  Kiss.

• 15:24Griffin McElroy?

  Kiss.

• 15:24Travis McElroy?

  No, if you do that, okay, if you're a wedding photographer and you've done all the other shit, and then you're like, "bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup, bup", they're gonna get it, I think.

• 15:33Griffin McElroy?

  Can you establish amongst your cohorts a sort of disc golf persona that you call "Dr. Kiss"?

• 15:44Griffin McElroy?

  And then when you get one in the chains, I don't know, but it's gonna make our jobs way easier. It's gonna give us access. It's gonna give us access to a lot more kissing-based vernacular.

• 15:57Travis McElroy?

  Uh, how about another question?

• 15:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 16:00Travis McElroy?

  My dad has recently started a semi-popular fishing Instagram, and it started getting recognized in our small hometown. How does he deal with his new fishing fame? And how do I deal with my new nepo baby status?

• 16:14Travis McElroy?

  That's from Fishing for Compliments. Are you here? Hello.

• 16:18Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 16:19Travis McElroy?

  I can't believe you came. I'm so honored.

• 16:22Griffin McElroy?

  We're such big, big fans of your daddy's fish channel.

• 16:27Travis McElroy?

  First of all, everything-

• 16:28Griffin McElroy?

  We were just watching backstage.

• 16:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. We're hooked.

• 16:35Griffin McElroy?

  Good. Good.

• 16:39Griffin McElroy?

  Good. Correct.

• 16:42Travis McElroy?

  We grew up in the harsh limelight of local fame, as you know.

• 16:47Travis McElroy?

  It's true. We dealt with a lot of people telling us that they used to listen to our dad a long time ago, or asking us if our dad's still on the air, or asking us if our dad's still alive. So we're... We know what this is like.

• 17:03Griffin McElroy?

  Or asking if our dad can get them tickets to the Big Billy Race Iris concert.

• 17:07Travis McElroy?

  And yeah, of course he can.

• 17:09Griffin McElroy?

  But he won't.

• 17:10Travis McElroy?

  Still, but he won't.

• 17:11Griffin McElroy?

  You can't have that kind of ac- it's the access that's the issue. It's the access that's the issue. Because now we have an even more famous dad. That makes it sound like we got a new, different...

• 17:24Griffin McElroy?

  Our own dad escalated in fame. Entirely thanks to us, but...

• 17:32Griffin McElroy?

  But it still counts.

• 17:34Travis McElroy?

  There's a lot of discussion these days about nepo babies and stuff. And what I've seen is oftentimes, like nepo baby, why you laugh? I haven't gotten to the punchline yet. Oftentimes, what nepo babies will do- You can laugh whenever you want. That's true. Just for the record, I'm- It just scared me. I'm big into it. And nepo babies will try to swing hard away, while still being in the industry, but hard away from what their parents did to set out on their own. So...

• 18:01Travis McElroy?

  What if you started carrying around a fishbowl with a live fish in it?

• 18:04Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 18:04Travis McElroy?

  Which I think is the opposite of fishing.

• 18:06Griffin McElroy?

  That's right, it is Travis.

• 18:08Travis McElroy?

  You define yourself. Because fishing is getting the fish pulling it out of the water. And you're like, this fish stays in the water.

• 18:13Griffin McElroy?

  You write on the bowl, "Not for Dad."

• 18:17Griffin McElroy?

  Not this one, Daddy.

• 18:18Travis McElroy?

  Don't even try to catch this guy. I'm working hard to keep this fish alive. This guy is protected, Dad. The fish you'll never catch. Oh, that's gotta haunt you.

• 18:29Griffin McElroy?

  Build a little outpost in the neighborhood pond with a harpoon gun slung over your shoulder. And when someone comes by, say, "Don't even think about it."

• 18:38Travis McElroy?

  Start training the fish to use the harpoon gun when you're not around?

• 18:42Griffin McElroy?

  Because then what are people gonna say? Oh, they're only in charge of the pond because their dad's a famous fishing influencer? No, that doesn't make any fucking sense.

• 18:55Travis McElroy?

  Can you cash in on your dad's name and success before he does? Can you start selling branded lures to this fish? I'm gonna throw out, it just popped to my head, but call the brand a finfluencer?

• 19:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:09Travis McElroy?

  And then use that.

• 19:11Griffin McElroy?

  Or you don't, you don't.

• 19:12Travis McElroy?

  Or don't, I guess. That was the lukewarm, the cold reaction. I get it. I thought finfluencer was really good.

• 19:18Griffin McElroy?

  Sometimes we do A/B testing on you all, and we appreciate your complaints.

• 19:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, our metric is usually this. I've said before. If a room of people who have paid to be here because they enjoy us doesn't enjoy the joke, we tend to let it go. That's about as warm of a reception as you could hope for, honestly. Because it's like, fish have fins, right?

• 19:39Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 19:40Travis McElroy?

  I got it now. That's really good, Travis. I don't think you do, Justin. No, I got it. And the word influencer.

• 19:45Griffin McElroy?

  Save us, Justin. Rescue us, Justin, please.

• 19:47Travis McElroy?

  Here's another question. My partner and I are in our early 40s. One of our hobbies is playing pinball. And it's going to the point where we now own 30 pinball machines.

• 19:59Travis McElroy?

  And we each have 60 arms. We want to invite our coworkers from our new jobs over to our place, but we are not sure how to address the pinball machine in the room.

• 20:10Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry, do you mean the 30 pinball machines?

• 20:13Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 20:14Griffin McElroy?

  In the room?

• 20:14Travis McElroy?

  If we ever invite people over without disclosing the pinball machines and they arrive at essentially an arcade shoved into a house, that seems awkward to explain in the moment. However, if we tell people we have all these pinball machines, we are afraid we will seem like real weirdos.

• 20:33Travis McElroy?

  And people will never come over in the first place. What should we do to ease people into our home? And that's from flipping out in Minnesota.

• 20:42Griffin McElroy?

  Are you here? Hello.

• 20:45Travis McElroy?

  Hi. Listen.

• 20:46Griffin McElroy?

  Please don't be scared.

• 20:47Travis McElroy?

  Before we make any jokes, I want to make one thing clear. If you love pinball machines that much and they would think you were weird for having pinball machines, you don't need them as friends.

• 20:57Griffin McElroy?

  But, thank you.

• 21:01Griffin McElroy?

  That's a very, that's a very, very good point. But, no one's gonna be like, if you ask, "Do you want to come hang? I got 30 fucking pinball machines." No one's gonna be like, "No way, man. What do you live in, a arcade?"

• 21:17Travis McElroy?

  That would actually rule.

• 21:19Griffin McElroy?

  That fucking rules!

• 21:20Travis McElroy?

  What I love about that is I will often finish a round on a pinball machine and think, "I got about as much out of that storyline as I was going to." "I hope there's more pinball machines with in-depth plot." But what's that right next to it? "Why is the Addams Family? I can't wait to find out what happens on that 2x6 inch screen."

• 21:42Travis McElroy?

  Okay. I actually do do that, that's true. The problem, the problem, okay. I've been doing a little bit of this with like little arcade cabinet in my basement that I've been messing around with. Thank you very much.

• 21:54Griffin McElroy?

  Again, you didn't use the plural. Stand on your business and lead by example. You have many arcade machines in your basement.

• 22:01Travis McElroy?

  I have a bunch of little rinky-dink arcade machines I'm making myself.

• 22:04Griffin McElroy?

  Some are taller than I am!

• 22:06Travis McElroy?

  They're great.

• 22:09Travis McElroy?

  Some of them- This is what I'm saying! You have built these arcade machines. Okay. Put the stuff in them, they're incredible. Okay, I just don't wanna seem bougie, alright? I made them.

• 22:19Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, that's a real issue. If you say, "I have thirty pinball machines," I'll be like, "Fucking 1% bougie asshole."

• 22:26Travis McElroy?

  You do need to clarify, cuz you said this in the extra details in your question, that you don't have kids. Lead with that, cuz that immediately made me understand how you're able to have-

• 22:35Griffin McElroy?

  Thirty.

• 22:36Travis McElroy?

  Thirty pinball machines and just... They can't all be on at the same time, right? Just to clarify, or else you'd lose your mind, right? Right? Okay. Uh, I... I think that with, uh, uh, pinball machines, arcade machines, it's a similar problem you're gonna have, is that when someone comes over, even if they're excited about the machines, there comes that moment afterwards where you have to be like, "Well, I'm gonna go some other place." Cuz being in the room with you and watching you decide what to do in here, I am gonna kinda lurk around the corner in case you get stuck with any of the machines and how they work or don't work, and then I'll spring out of nowhere, like, and pretend like I wasn't watching you, even though I was watching you.

• 23:20Griffin McElroy?

  Now, if you do make that part of your sales pitch, "The allure of thirty pinball machines will be lost on me, and I will not want to attend that function, unfortunately."

• 23:28Travis McElroy?

  Well, what I do love, because what you've established here, is you could have so many people over, because for me, as much fun as I'm having playing a pinball machine is exactly a polar opposite of the lack of fun I have watching someone else play a pinball machine. Yeah. "Wow, nice move!" Yeah. "Yeah." "Cool, man." "Oh, there it goes." And so, having another pinball machine that I can use while someone else is using a pinball machine would alleviate a lot of the boredom- Sure. -from taking turns. Okay. Uh, you get a friend to come over- Good start. And you tell your other friends, everybody, your coworkers, "You're having a pinball party." And then you invite a friend to come over,

• 24:13Travis McElroy?

  and this friend has a t-shirt and on the... or like a button-down polo shirt, and on it, it says, "Pete's Periodic Pinball." And it's a pinball rental service, right? So, everybody shows up for the pinball party, and if it goes really good, then you tell people like, "Hey, good news, I decided to buy out..."

• 24:38Travis McElroy?

  If it doesn't go good, right? If everybody's like, "This sucks." You could be like, "Yeah, it does, but you guys can't come over anymore, but dang."

• 24:49Travis McElroy?

  I'm really gonna have a word with Pete. I thought it'd be way more fun and cool. Oh, guys, you're not gonna believe this. Pete's periodic pinball burnt down and they said I could keep all the machines. Can you believe that shit? It turned out my uncle worked at Pete's periodic pinball and he died. And now the machines are mine. There was a codicil in his will that if I could get 100,000 points on the Addams Family machine. And long story short. And I got trapped in the machine for a while. I was shrunk down. I had run around for the bit. Anyways, you don't want to get bored with all of this. See you Friday. Everything we said is way more normal than just saying, "Yeah, I'm a pinball enthusiast. You have 30 pinball machines."

• 25:34Travis McElroy?

  There's way weirder shit people could have in their house. You need, okay, you need a room that, before that room, that has wood in it.

• 25:45Travis McElroy?

  Like an airlock, like an airlock. Exactly. You need to, you need them to acclimate to the idea that you own our pinball table, right? You need them to like compress to that. I mean, ideally, you'd have, I think if my math is correct, like eight rooms. Where it's like one pinball machine, two pinball machines, four pinball machines. Yeah. Okay, you have to fuck it. Fibonacci sequence or else. Fair enough. If things start breaking out, you go back to eight for a while. I think, yeah, I think the ideal is two machines. Cause then it's not like you inherited it from your grandpa, right? You liked it a lot. You got it too. And you let them acclimate to that and you judge their response because it will be exponential.

• 26:26Travis McElroy?

  Two machines in the room and then a real beefy extension cord running out of the room through a hole in the wall with a lot of noise and lights coming from underneath the door. And you wait for them to ask about it. I'm like, "Oh, yeah, you want to see the other 28?"

• 26:43Travis McElroy?

  I got memorization, no big deal. This is where I keep the ones that are chill. These pinball machines can hang. Do you second on the question? How about a segment?

• 26:58Travis McElroy?

  I want a munch squad.

• 27:12Travis McElroy?

  I want to munch squad.

• 27:17Travis McElroy?

  Welcome to Munch Squad, it's a podcast.

• 27:21Travis McElroy?

  Within a podcast, profiling the latest and greatest in brand eating, and this one's gonna drive you wild. If you're a gamer.

• 27:30Griffin McElroy?

  Hell yeah, man. I love all that shit.

• 27:33Travis McElroy?

  I got two stories, one for the gamers, one for the non-gamers. Let's start with the gamers tale.

• 27:38Griffin McElroy?

  Finally, finally, we come for our rights are considered first.

• 27:46Griffin McElroy?

  Finally, someone's thinking about us.

• 27:48Travis McElroy?

  Um, I, I, uh, let's, let's see, can we see the, the goods, the goods?

• 27:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:55Travis McElroy?

  Huh?

• 27:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:56Travis McElroy?

  God, man. Krispy Kreme is featuring, you're being driven wild by desire, it's okay. I know I'm just once again reminded, and I know I comment on this every time, that without fail, they'll be like, alright, we made some cool donuts, and here's just some loser's donuts that we threw in.

• 28:14Griffin McElroy?

  You can't have 12 cool donuts in the same box, you'd lose your mind.

• 28:17Travis McElroy?

  Uh, okay. You gotta have one for grandma.

• 28:19Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 28:20Travis McElroy?

  She don't play games, she wouldn't understand a Pac-Man.

• 28:22Griffin McElroy?

  They get scared of the ghosts.

• 28:24Travis McElroy?

  They went so hard. Ready players?

• 28:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah! That's what we call ourselves.

• 28:31Travis McElroy?

  Ready players? Krispy Kreme today announcing a amazing collaboration with Bandai Namco Entertainment, America, Inc. For Pac-Man's 45th anniversary, celebrating the global cultural icon with all new donuts inspired by the classic game. Fans will wanna chop these new donuts before it's...

• 28:53Griffin McElroy?

  Wanna what?

• 28:54Travis McElroy?

  Chop these new donuts. Chop these new donuts before it's game over.

• 28:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah! Like before you die?

• 29:03Travis McElroy?

  Trust me, guys, if you gamers get up to heaven and Saint Pete's like, "Did you eat them donuts?" And you're like, "No!" He'll send you straight to hell. Available beginning today for a limited time at participating US shops, the Krispy Kreme X Pac-Man Collection features three new donuts in a nostalgic, custom Pac-Man game dozen box. That's the sweetest Pac-Man level ever, including the Pac-Man Party Donut.

• 29:31Travis McElroy?

  It's an original glazed donut, piped with yellow buttercream flavored icing, sprinkled with celebration sprinkles, and topped with a Pac-Man piece.

• 29:39Griffin McElroy?

  I would love a more mature gamer fare.

• 29:41Travis McElroy?

  No, how about a Team Ghost donut? An unglazed shell donut filled with chocolate flavored cream, dipped in black icing and decorated with black Pac-Man mace, and topped with a Team Ghost piece. Can I just say, I love how they've left a little shard of cream there? They're like, you know, there's cream in this. Yeah, don't get it twisted. It's shit and cream.

• 30:03Griffin McElroy?

  Also inevitably, inevitably in every box that Dunkin' Donuts puts together, there's always one donut that you know the donut chefs at the actual Krispy Kreme brick and mortar locations see for the first time and go, "God damn. Fuck, really? That's so many different things."

• 30:21Travis McElroy?

  Hey Derek, you're the ones that's gonna take care of those, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, fuck. I'll do the ones that require steady hands. Don't worry. And then we got lastly, the Strawberry Power Berry Donut. It's an unglazed shell donut featuring strawberry flavored cream, dipped in red icing and topped with white sprinkles and green lip icing. That looks incredible. Yeah. And there's no way it looks like that when I buy it at the store. It will look exactly like that, but it will be as hard as a rock. Pac-Man is one of the most recognized video game characters of all time and his main impact on the world by connecting with people across ages and borders and genders.

• 31:04Travis McElroy?

  I swear to God, that's what it says. A big swing. Through the power of play for over 45 years. Just as Krispy Kreme connects people through the sweetness of enjoying and sharing doughnuts. Wow. That's so cool that they can be like Pac-Man fixed everything and so did we. Don't get, hey, listen. Krispy Kreme is also celebrating thusly. They're aiming to give guests 45,000 free original glazed doughnuts between May 12th and 18th. If you can eat them before a ghost gets you. Yeah, it's during hot light hours, which is seven to nine and five to seven, or whatever the hot light is shining. And if you can, in honor of Pac-Man's. That's not like a sexy thing. It's when the doughnuts are fresh.

• 31:49Travis McElroy?

  In honor of Pac-Man's love of fruits, if fans help achieve this high score, they'll unlock the return of Krispy Kreme's popular strawberry glazed doughnut, which the brand last offered for a limited time in August 2023. That's right. So they're holding, okay, they're holding the strawberry frosted doughnut hostage. Yeah. If we can get off our fat asses and eat 45,000 doughnuts. Free doughnuts. They want you to eat 45,000 free doughnuts and then they will give you back the strawberry doughnut that you fucking love. While they watch, while they just sit and watch as America eats 45,000 doughnuts. Yeah, yeah, dance for us. Eat the doughnuts, we'll give you more doughnuts.

• 32:32Travis McElroy?

  You know, you know, Dave Skenna's got to get up on this. Give us some Dave Skenna. These all new Pac-Man doughnuts are sweetest in multiplayer mode. So press start on a dozen and chomp on a maze of flavors with family, friends and coworkers, save, said Dave Skenna. Did you mean to say that like Count Donut or did it just kind of come? It's hard to not say Dave Skenna like Count Donut. Partnering with Bandai Namco and Pac-Man is a new high score of sweetness. They already used that one. Today marks an incredible milestone as we celebrate Pac-Man's legacy and his 45 years of impact across genders.

• 33:17Travis McElroy?

  This Pride Month, we must celebrate everything Where? that Pac-Man has given us.

• 33:25Travis McElroy?

  No one has done more. Oh my god. Hey. Do you think that next they'll partner with Sega and make me a donut that looks like Sonic's foot that I can eat like I've always dreamed of?

• 33:36Travis McElroy?

  Sonic's foot? Hold on. Hold on. Your verbiage is confusing. I wanna eat Sonic's foot. Okay, stop. Especially if it's cream-filled. Okay, but in...

• 33:51Travis McElroy?

  Do you wanna eat Sonic's red shoe that his foot always lives inside? That's his foot. Okay. Are you sa- wait, Griffin, sorry. Are you saying that there are images out there somewhere of his foot without a shoe on?

• 34:07Travis McElroy?

  We have worked... Don't you dare, Paul. Don't you dare. Paul, I'll walk off. I'm done. We- we would need to cover ourselves in tarps like we're on the front row of a Gallagher show before we start showing uncensored Sonic feet up here. Yeah, not for free. That's on our Patreon. Hey. Paul, can I very briefly show the other image? This is more of a Munch Squad Jr., and I just wanna let everybody know that Mars has launched a Twix sneaker doodle the flavor fans have been waiting for. Can I just say real quick? Yeah. I forgot that Mars was the name of the company that makes candy. So I saw Mars launches. Yeah.

• 34:52Travis McElroy?

  And Twix in the same thing. And I was like, did we fucking put candy on Mars? This is- this is the press release that feels the most like somebody's like, well, I have to do it legally, but I don't know what to write. And here's what they came up with. Twix. Good start. Proudly part of Mars, which is true.

• 35:15Travis McElroy?

  Is launching its latest product innovation. Twix Snickerdoodle. Inspired by the worn cinnamon sugar goodness of a classic Snickerdoodle cookie, this new release taps into the deep well of nostalgia. Hey, what's that mean? What could that mean? I mean, what could it mean? It goes in the deep well nostalgia while embracing the current tastes and trends that fans crave.

• 35:42Griffin McElroy?

  Cool. Yeah.

• 35:44Travis McElroy?

  So it transcends time and space? Guys, here's what I'm trying to get across to you. Twix Snickerdoodle takes everything that fans love about Twix.

• 35:55Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:56Travis McElroy?

  Crunchy cookie.

• 35:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 35:58Travis McElroy?

  Gooey caramel.

• 35:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:00Travis McElroy?

  Smooth milk chocolate. There's two of them. And then it levels it up with a cinnamon sugar swirl of Snickerdoodle flavored caramel. The result is a bold new bar that brings cozy cookie energy to the candy aisle.

• 36:16Griffin McElroy?

  Oh shit. Travis, Travis is being penetrated from nostalgia from the past and energy from what may be.

• 36:26Travis McElroy?

  Where did I go?

• 36:27Griffin McElroy?

  Here at the nexus of past and future is Twix.

• 36:30Travis McElroy?

  I've seen it all. Twix Snickerdoodle is the third cookie inspired flavor to join the Twix lineup. Right behind the hit debut of Twix Cookie Dough and Twix Cookies and Clam.

• 36:45Griffin McElroy?

  And what?

• 36:45Travis McElroy?

  And what? Clam. I thought you said clam.

• 36:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 36:50Travis McElroy?

  Cookies and clam. Now this. Yeah, I know it's a little bit unorthodox, but I've got a pitch for a flavor combination you guys are gonna go nuts for. Now, they come to Martin Twirliger and they say, Martin, marketing president of Mars Wrigley, North America, we need a quote about Twix Snickerdoodle. And he said, I have nothing. And they say, please, please, Martin, you must have something. He said, well, I do have one quote that I swore I'd never use.

• 37:19Travis McElroy?

  Because it can be used for any Twix product, and it would surely show that I had given up on the Twix brand. Please, Martin, we're desperate, we're going to print. Okay, if you insist.

• 37:30Griffin McElroy?

  He gets out a small wooden chest from under his bed.

• 37:34Travis McElroy?

  Two keys from underneath his... He calls his ex...

• 37:37Griffin McElroy?

  At the same time.

• 37:38Travis McElroy?

  He calls his ex-wife to bring in the key that she has around her neck. He gave her 30 years ago.

• 37:45Travis McElroy?

  He opens it up. Because Twix is the iconic brand of two, we're always looking for ways to double down on flavor.

• 37:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man.

• 37:56Travis McElroy?

  Twix Snickerdoodle gives fans a new twist on the layers they already love. It's the perfect balance of familiar and trendy flavors, and we know it's gonna be a fan favorite.

• 38:11Travis McElroy?

  And then he turned to dust.

• 38:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 38:15Travis McElroy?

  Anyway, that's the Munch Squad. Thank you very much.

• 38:17Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 38:24Travis McElroy?

  And I know that I just talked a lot, but I'm gonna talk a little bit more. I recently got a new boss at my very corporate job. During their introduction to our team, they mentioned they have been a contestant on a hit television program, Naked and Afraid.

• 38:41Travis McElroy?

  Twice.

• 38:44Travis McElroy?

  My question is, should I watch?

• 38:48Travis McElroy?

  I fear that seeing the bare ass of the person who determines my financial future would ruin the professional relationship immediately, especially if they do poorly in a funny or sad way. And that's from Moon by my manager in Minneapolis. Are you here? Hi.

• 39:08Travis McElroy?

  I've never watched the show, but I'm strongly under the impression that there's a lot of blurring and censoring going on, you know?

• 39:15Griffin McElroy?

  I think you can show an ass, dude, no problem. I've seen ass on Survivor for sure. They don't show front stuff, but I've seen ass after ass on Survivor, man.

• 39:25Travis McElroy?

  You sound like a 12-year-old boy bragging to his friends. Yeah, I've seen ass on Survivor.

• 39:31Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, your parents don't let you watch Survivor? That's a shame. I saw Mike White's ass.

• 39:40Travis McElroy?

  It was week eight or something. It was bad, but it was an ass for sure, my dude. Write it down.

• 39:46Griffin McElroy?

  Write it down on the list.

• 39:50Travis McElroy?

  I would say that I realize that being worried that the people around us are gonna do poorly in a funny or sad way is just part of being alive.

• 40:01Travis McElroy?

  You can't, you can't run from that. People are going to do poorly in funny and sad ways every day around you, and it's your job to figure out how to deal with that. You can't put it off. You can't run from it. You can't be either naked or afraid. You have to, you have to just embrace it. Yes. I, I would also point out that this seems to me like a classic corporate power move. Because here's what I'm thinking. This is your new boss in a very kind of corporate business. There's no way they would bring up in an ice raker that they were on Naked and Afraid twice. Oh, come on. Come on. If they didn't like do, if they weren't proud of it in some way.

• 40:44Travis McElroy?

  There was a story in the newspaper about it. I guarantee you, local business fella.

• 40:51Griffin McElroy?

  Does bad.

• 40:52Travis McElroy?

  Does bad. In a both funny and sad way on Naked and Afraid. They did it a second time. They came back for a second episode.

• 41:03Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:03Travis McElroy?

  How bad could the first episode have been?

• 41:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:06Travis McElroy?

  That they were convinced, I'm saying both times they were like, oh, you're trying to call out the big dog? You want me to come out? I'm gonna, I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little less afraid this time, but a lot more naked.

• 41:18Griffin McElroy?

  Do you think?

• 41:19Travis McElroy?

  I'm gonna turn inside out.

• 41:22Griffin McElroy?

  Do you think when you come back for the second season of Naked and Afraid, there's a moment where they blast all the clothes off you, like at the beginning of a Metroid game, where it's like, oh my! Oh no, I made those clothes last time on Naked and Afraid. What's that? A guy with a knife? Ah, I'm scared again, too. Fuck. I can't believe this.

• 41:42Travis McElroy?

  Dracula's here? Fuck!

• 41:44Griffin McElroy?

  Oh no!

• 41:45Travis McElroy?

  You guys really upped your game for this one. It would be a cool thing to, uh, to just save for the, for the appropriate moment. You just pull it out at the right, at the right time.

• 41:55Griffin McElroy?

  You're saying you don't drop it in two truths and a lie, no matter how bad you want to? God, so bad, so bad.

• 42:00Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, no, no. Don't let it go. And then, ah, yes, no, I, I think that once you are being terminated, on the off chance, it happens to some of us, that's one that you could bust out. And, uh, in closing, Phillip, I've seen your bare butt.

• 42:15Travis McElroy?

  Or you could, you, once again, do an Uno reverse of that power move, when they're like, "Hey, um, you really didn't deliver on that, uh, proposal I asked you to do." And you're like, "Yeah, would you say, Phillip, I kinda showed my ass?"

• 42:31Griffin McElroy?

  You, so, I don't think you should extort your boss because of their, because of their-

• 42:37Travis McElroy?

  Griffin, I delivered that information without asking for anything in return. I think that's slander. Extortion, you expect compensation in some way.

• 42:48Griffin McElroy?

  If you've got a, Naked and Afraid is nude art, and do you have a problem with nude art?

• 42:54Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, really good question, Griffin.

• 42:56Griffin McElroy?

  Your boss participated in nude art. Grow up a little bit.

• 43:01Travis McElroy?

  We're all naked underneath here. We're all, we're all pretty afraid, I'd say. It sounds like your boss is naked and you're afraid of the beautiful human body. But, one of the great gifts from the big guy, I'll remind you. Yeah?

• 43:18Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, just, I forget sometimes, you're saying God gave us our incredible nude bodies?

• 43:25Travis McElroy?

  In the Garden of Eden, Griffin, yeah, read the, read the Bible, man. The original Naked and Afraid, when they were cast out after eating the apple.

• 43:35Travis McElroy?

  I've got some, I've got some literature backstage I wanna show you.

• 43:39Griffin McElroy?

  I'm, I can't wait.

• 43:41Travis McElroy?

  About nude art. You're gonna love this shit.

• 43:43Griffin McElroy?

  Why don't we-

• 43:44Travis McElroy?

  Dude, I've got some pictures of everything.

• 43:47Griffin McElroy?

  Travis has so many pictures of survivor butts to show us backstage. I'm over the moon.

• 43:52Travis McElroy?

  I had it printed out in a book. It was beautifully, uh, bound in leather. It's lovely. You'll love it. It's real human butt skin.

• 44:01Griffin McElroy?

  On that note, maybe we should go backstage and look at Travis's nude Survivor collectibles.

• 44:06Travis McElroy?

  All right, so here's the deal. We're going to take a break. You are going to go use-

• 44:10Griffin McElroy?

  Not for- this was pre-planned. This is not- we're not gonna go look at Survivor nudity, I promise. Hey, don't let them fool you. They both got so revved up.

• 44:18Travis McElroy?

  Okay, listen. Don't listen to Travis. Listen to me, okay? We're really gonna take a bathroom break, and you are, and you can buy a poster. They're out in the lobby, right?

• 44:26Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much. This is one of my favorites. It kicks ass.

• 44:29Travis McElroy?

  It's your only chance to get them. Go get a coin. Go use the bathroom. Go send us a question, and then we'll be back with you in just a minute, okay? Thank you very much.

• 44:48Travis McElroy?

  You know, Griffin? Yes, Travis. No one really knows how stamps work. No one. They're little pictures that make mail go places. Crazy. I don't know if they have microchips in them that are programmed to deliver the mail to places. And my question is, what doesn't have microchips in them now in 2025? Macrochips don't have microchips in them. That's absolutely true. How do I get these little magic pictures, Trav? Well, Griffin, man, am I glad you asked, because for a long time, you'd have to go somewhere. That sucks. Yeah, man. It's going somewhere, oh, the worst. But luckily with stamps.com, you don't have to go anywhere. You can do it right from home. Oh, that sounds way better.

• 45:31Travis McElroy?

  And especially in this day and age where so many people are doing business from home, and shipping out a bunch of stuff, like, I don't know, invoices, or, I don't know, maybe they're making jewelry out of stuff they find around the house. Yep. They have to ship a lot of stuff. Yeah, I know. You make a lot of spoon jewelry, and I appreciate it. I call it spoonery. Yeah. You have used up all your spoons, though, and you eat cereal with a fork? I've been meaning to talk to you about that. It's wet. It's a big wet mess. But with stamps.com, it's not a mess.

• 46:04Griffin McElroy?

  Good.

• 46:05Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 46:06Griffin McElroy?

  I'm glad to hear that.

• 46:07Travis McElroy?

  Because you can take care of it wherever you are and they even have a mobile app. Um, and you, it's so easy and they have up to 89% off rates on USPS and UPS.

• 46:19Griffin McElroy?

  That's like, oh, that's almost a hundred percent, basically.

• 46:23Travis McElroy?

  If you were to round up, yeah, I guess. So don't waste time worrying about being a postage expert or standing in line to drop off letters and packages. Let stamps.com do what they do best so you can do what you do better. Took me a second to parse that sentence, but it makes sense.

• 46:38Griffin McElroy?

  It makes sense. It's just you, you should have done a dry run on it.

• 46:42Travis McElroy?

  I know, but I don't like doing things dry, like cereal. So go to stamps.com and use code MYBROTHER to sign up for a special offer. No contract, cancel anytime. That's stamps.com code MYBROTHER, all one word.

• 46:55Griffin McElroy?

  You remember when Bill jumped his skateboard over the fire pit in the backyard during the big 4th of July barbecue baby back rib bash?

• 47:09Travis McElroy?

  I kinda remember it, yeah.

• 47:11Griffin McElroy?

  Well, I took a pic, I took a hundred pictures of it because Bill died, Bill died from that.

• 47:15Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but doing what he loved.

• 47:17Griffin McElroy?

  Doing what he loved, jumping over the big fire during the baby back barbecue. And, um, that picture is one, evidence for, for court. But two, a special precious summer memory.

• 47:30Travis McElroy?

  It is weird that there's foul play suspected when everybody watched him like, say, I'm going to jump over that fire. And everybody was like, no, please don't do that. He's like, I'm going to do it.

• 47:40Griffin McElroy?

  We, Bill had a hundred beers.

• 47:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:43Griffin McElroy?

  So I think that, that, that is maybe the foul, but we don't have that in photographic form, just the awesome stunt. He did his last act on earth.

• 47:50Travis McElroy?

  You can see in the photo, I'm looking at it now, that he had an additional 20 beers in his cargo pants pockets. And that might've contributed.

• 47:58Griffin McElroy?

  He didn't get much, I said over the big fire. It was really pretty smack dab right there.

• 48:04Travis McElroy?

  That was the plan originally.

• 48:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. So anyway, Aura Frames is the best way to, to commemorate Bill and all of your favorite summertime memories. It is the best. Digital photo frame, according to Wirecutter, and they know what they're talking about. And, and according to me, Griffin McElroy, this is the best digital photo frame. We have given these out to so many people because it's super easy. There's unlimited storage. You got as many photos and videos as you can find. It's super simple to set it up. You just plug it in and you, you share away. And if you have people in your life who are not the most tech savvy, but you want to see pictures of your kids or your, your cool classic car collection, or Bill who died, you can get all of that stuff uploaded for them and manage like their library for them.

• 48:49Griffin McElroy?

  And then they don't have to worry about a thing. They just get all these precious memories and they're beautiful Aura Frame.

• 48:54Travis McElroy?

  So Griffin, if I wanted to memorialize the amateur daredevil in my life, how would I do that?

• 49:00Griffin McElroy?

  Well, you can start reliving your favorite memories by visiting auraframes.com. For a limited time, listeners can get $35 off on their best-selling Carver Mat Frame. That's A-U-R-A-frames.com, promo code mybrother. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

• 49:18Travis McElroy?

  Oh, they always do, don't they?

• 49:19Griffin McElroy?

  That's true, Trav. Hey, we got some live shows coming up, friends. We're going to be in Atlanta next here at the end of the month. We're going to be doing Mabim Bam. We're going to be doing Taz, Taz versus Popeye. We're just going to be unhinged. We're going to be doing stuff at Dragon Con. We're also going to be doing some shows later in the year in Texas, Utah, and California.

• 49:40Travis McElroy?

  We just announced in, in Texas, we're doing Adventure Zone versus Hercules.

• 49:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, I'm very excited about that. All our Taz shows are going to be Taz versus.

• 49:47Travis McElroy?

  You won't be disappointed!

• 49:50Griffin McElroy?

  I hope it'll be more Disney-focused, less Sorbo. I mean, there will probably be a fair amount of Sorbo content, but not in any kind of way that endorses the, the fella.

• 50:00Travis McElroy?

  No, oh God, no.

• 50:03Travis McElroy?

  As the one running it, the exact opposite.

• 50:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Tickets for all our shows are on sale now and you can get those tickets and find out all the info at bit.ly/mcroytours.

• 50:13Travis McElroy?

  We've also got a back-to-school sale going on with select items up to 40% off. We've got back-to-school bundles there and a free mystery pin with purchases of $30 or more. And 10% of all proceeds this month are going to World Central Kitchen. So go check that out, mcroymerch.com. And you know what? Let's get back to the show.

• 50:33Griffin McElroy?

  Bye. I mean, not bye. Don't turn it off. Listen to the rest of the show, but bye from us here in the ads. Bye.

• 50:42Speaker 04

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint: she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche. We have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 51:25Speaker 05

  Hello?

• 51:26Speaker 06

  Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network Podcast.

• 51:29Speaker 05

  No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye.

• 51:31Speaker 06

  It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

• 51:36Speaker 05

  I don't know what a Josie Long is. And anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old. She's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones. I don't want that to carry you home again, do I?

• 51:54Speaker 06

  Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast.

• 51:56Speaker 05

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 52:02Speaker 06

  Simply go to MaximumFun.org.

• 52:04Speaker 05

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!

• 52:10Travis McElroy?

  We haven't checked in in a while. Would you say you're living faster than fear this year?

• 52:14Griffin McElroy?

  Um, I mean, I don't know. I feel like the fear is trying to keep a pace.

• 52:22Travis McElroy?

  Justin, how are you doing? Vis a vis your relative's speed to fear.

• 52:26Griffin McElroy?

  It's cool to start out the act of our show with, are you afraid?

• 52:33Travis McElroy?

  I'm never afraid.

• 52:34Griffin McElroy?

  We're gonna turn-

• 52:35Travis McElroy?

  I'm doing great, thank you for asking.

• 52:36Griffin McElroy?

  We're gonna turn the camera outward, towards you all. There's no camera, I don't know why I said that.

• 52:42Travis McElroy?

  The camera of life.

• 52:43Griffin McElroy?

  We're gonna do audience questions, but before we do that, I like to think that we make an impact, like Pac-Man.

• 52:53Travis McElroy?

  We transcend gender.

• 52:54Griffin McElroy?

  We transcend gender here at My Brother, My Brother and Me.

• 52:57Travis McElroy?

  Also, this is the time for our traditional and customary apology to the people who sit in the splash zone of light. I'm so sorry you didn't sign up to be the background players for the audience questions, but damn it, we appreciate you.

• 53:11Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks for taking one for the team. Hello, I saw someone approach- yeah, you're good. You can approach them. You're second?

• 53:16Travis McElroy?

  That's okay.

• 53:17Griffin McElroy?

  That's fine.

• 53:18Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:19Griffin McElroy?

  You two, rock, paper, scissors. No, I'm just kidding.

• 53:21Travis McElroy?

  Everyone's so orderly. Okay, welcome, my friend. Hello. Hi, how's it going?

• 53:24Griffin McElroy?

  Good.

• 53:25Travis McElroy?

  Excellent. Cool, good to see you.

• 53:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 53:28Travis McElroy?

  Thanks for coming.

• 53:28Griffin McElroy?

  What's your- what is your name?

• 53:30Speaker 07

  My name's Matthew.

• 53:31Griffin McElroy?

  What is your question?

• 53:32Speaker 07

  So, I'm staying with my sister currently, and she refuses to buy breakfast food while we're visiting. How do I get my sister to buy, like, bagels so that we have something for breakfast?

• 53:42Travis McElroy?

  Is your sister here?

• 53:43Speaker 07

  No, she's not.

• 53:44Travis McElroy?

  Awesome.

• 53:47Travis McElroy?

  When you say refuses, like, you've been like, "Hey, would it be okay to buy some bagel?" And she's like, "No!"

• 53:54Speaker 07

  It's a consistent problem. It's been brought up before, and like, we have family gatherings at her house regularly. Never buys any breakfast food.

• 54:01Travis McElroy?

  Could you- could you bring some next time you go? Bury them around the yard for next time.

• 54:06Griffin McElroy?

  If that was an option, Matthew would-

• 54:07Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, I'm saying for future, like a squirrel. You bury them, and so when you come back, you're like, "Wait, there's some cinnamon raisin by the fence."

• 54:17Griffin McElroy?

  That's embarrassing, though, if you wouldn't fulfill my one dirty need, so I had to bring my own bagels from home, which I buried in the yard like a dog for some additional reason.

• 54:27Travis McElroy?

  Well, yeah, Griffin, if you put them under her mattress, they're gonna get flattened.

• 54:31Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, fine.

• 54:32Travis McElroy?

  Come on, think!

• 54:34Speaker 07

  They are doing yard work, so I think I could sneak things into the yard.

• 54:38Griffin McElroy?

  Get some bagel dead drops going.

• 54:42Griffin McElroy?

  Is your sister not a big bagel, a breakfast eater? Yeah, they don't eat breakfast at all. I mean, you could save them from themselves.

• 54:52Travis McElroy?

  It's a, and I'm gonna, everybody brace yourself, because this is the first time you've ever heard this. It's the most important meal of the day. Yeah, I don't think you're the bad person for wanting to eat a delicious bagel. I think we all get that. Sometimes you go to people's houses and they don't have diet soda. And it's like, okay.

• 55:11Griffin McElroy?

  It's too bad that your sibling isn't Justin McElroy, because anytime we go stay at that dude's house, he's like, remember how you said you liked those Toll House pretzel flips three years ago? I found a box of them on eBay for you especially.

• 55:27Travis McElroy?

  I like to put out a spread for breakfast, get everybody energized for the day. You know, sometimes a simple can of cinnamon rolls, you know? Along with the large pantry of various cereals that you've bought on a whim.

• 55:41Griffin McElroy?

  Or professionally, Travis.

• 55:43Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, professional critic.

• 55:50Travis McElroy?

  I think if you show up with a bag of bagels under your arm, but don't leave them in the kitchen. Leave them with your personal stuff. And then when you come down for breakfast, you have the bagels underneath your arm already. It's your personal bag. And if anybody gets any ideas, huh, isn't that interesting?

• 56:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. You should be allowed to have a breakfast locker at your sister's house that only you know the passcode to and is full of your favorite special stuff.

• 56:17Travis McElroy?

  Does breakfast locker fit the bill?

• 56:19Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 56:19Travis McElroy?

  Excellent. Thank you so much, Matthew. Thank you.

• 56:23Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 56:24Travis McElroy?

  Hello.

• 56:24Speaker 08

  Hi, my name is Lo.

• 56:26Griffin McElroy?

  And thank you for waiting in an orderly line. You were first to the microphone.

• 56:29Travis McElroy?

  You were so deferent.

• 56:30Griffin McElroy?

  But you did defer.

• 56:31Travis McElroy?

  Very tasteful. Thank you.

• 56:33Speaker 08

  My Faster Than Fear this year was joining the local fem armored combat team.

• 56:38Travis McElroy?

  Hell, yeah.

• 56:41Speaker 08

  We have two leagues here. We have a open team, which is the Twin Cities Webberins. And then we have the Flowers of Battle, which is the fem team, which I'm joining.

• 56:47Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 56:48Speaker 08

  And I want to know how to intimidate the other teams.

• 56:51Travis McElroy?

  Okay. I, I need, with, okay. When you say combat.

• 56:58Griffin McElroy?

  In addition, we know nothing, aside from some pretty badass clips of TikTok that I have seen of this exact sport. Give me sort of a basic rundown.

• 57:06Travis McElroy?

  How aggressive can you be?

• 57:08Speaker 08

  Okay, so, uh, Boohurt is a, actually a Ukrainian-based sport, um, that is full armor. Um, there's different types of fights between like duels and stuff like that. But it is, like, there's a very, like, there's a few places you can't hit, like back of the neck, back of the knees, etc. But other than that, you are in full armor hitting each other.

• 57:26Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 57:26Speaker 08

  Yeah.

• 57:27Griffin McElroy?

  I can think of two ways, just from what you just said, of how you could become an incredibly intimidating figure in this sport. I only watch one sport, and it's hockey. And the only people who...

• 57:37Travis McElroy?

  Wait, are there fans of hockey in Minnesota?

• 57:42Griffin McElroy?

  That, it's the ones who do the stuff you're not supposed to do that the other ones kind of keep an eye out for. Maybe just, maybe just the back of the leg stuff, though. Back of the neck stuff feels egregious, but if you can be like, oh, better watch out for Low. They do back of the leg stuff.

• 57:59Travis McElroy?

  What if, Low, you showed up to this armored combat event, no armor?

• 58:07Travis McElroy?

  And you were like, I ain't even worried about it.

• 58:10Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool. Hey, are you so good that no one's ever gotten you even once? No? Because Travis's idea...

• 58:17Travis McElroy?

  Then don't try to intimidate them. Low, you should be worried about placating them. If you get hit at all, I don't know about you, but me, I'd be like, how do I convince them? I do want to be part of the league, but I don't like getting hit. I think, Low, if I were you, I would show up in the armor and never take the armor off and make sure you find your opponents before they put their armor on. What about, go check the back of their neck? You know, like you got a little measuring tape, like, oh, nice.

• 58:45Griffin McElroy?

  Just making sure, yeah.

• 58:46Travis McElroy?

  Perfect. That's exactly, nice. I don't have one of those, a back of a neck, I mean. Anyway, what if you, instead of at the event, get them before they put their armor on? Get them way before the event, before they put their armor on.

• 59:00Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 59:00Travis McElroy?

  And like, they wake up, and you're there, full armor with a sword, and you say like, "Allo always pays their debt," and you hit them in the chest right then.

• 59:07Griffin McElroy?

  Well, no.

• 59:07Travis McElroy?

  All right, you're out. I'll see you at the event.

• 59:09Griffin McElroy?

  That's, is that how it works? If you hit them in the chest, you say you're out?

• 59:15Speaker 08

  No, you, uh, the goal is to hit them hard enough that they go down most of the time, or it's point-based system.

• 59:19Travis McElroy?

  So when they're about to- I stand by my idea. Yeah, when they're about to leave for the event, they open their front door, you throw a big handful of table salt in their eyes, I guess. And then they can't drive there, and it's like, DQ.

• 59:31Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 59:31Travis McElroy?

  Or just cut their brake lines.

• 59:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, there's like a hundred ways to fuck up their car.

• 59:37Griffin McElroy?

  And that would be not intimidating, so we're just kinda having fun up here, and disregarding the premise of your question entirely.

• 59:43Travis McElroy?

  What about double armor? You've got armor on, and then you put bigger, thicker armor over it.

• 59:49Griffin McElroy?

  Lo, this is gonna be a lot, and I apologize in advance. Can you pretend to be killed during a fight?

• 59:58Travis McElroy?

  Hold on.

• 59:59Griffin McElroy?

  But then, come back to life.

• 1:00:03Travis McElroy?

  That would be really good. I don't think you'll have, uh, you'll probably start to get some non-believers after a few years. So you probably only need to pull this stunt once every, you-

• 1:00:13Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:13Travis McElroy?

  What do you think, 72 months to do it? How about every time you show up, you wear shoes that are one inch shorter? And so by like, the 12th time, shit. Like, you know?

• 1:00:28Travis McElroy?

  Lo, I feel like we've really helped a lot. Do you agree?

• 1:00:31Griffin McElroy?

  More than usual.

• 1:00:32Speaker 08

  Amazing.

• 1:00:33Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, thank you so much, Lo. Good luck.

• 1:00:34Travis McElroy?

  Appreciate you.

• 1:00:40Griffin McElroy?

  Hello.

• 1:00:40Travis McElroy?

  Hi, my friend. How's it going?

• 1:00:42Speaker 09

  It's going good. I'm Kyle, he/him.

• 1:00:44Griffin McElroy?

  Hi, Kyle. I just want to say, real quick, Kyle, before you get to your question, that I appreciate our fans so much for so many reasons. For letting us live this incredible, creative life that we get to live and to work together as family. It's so special and so wonderful. But what I love the most is that every live show, you guys always kneel down in the aisles.

• 1:01:03Travis McElroy?

  I was here to say, "Don't perceive me."

• 1:01:06Griffin McElroy?

  And I love it. No, you're not. You're trying not to block sidelines for everybody else. And you all are so thoughtful and amazing.

• 1:01:12Travis McElroy?

  So, thank you.

• 1:01:13Griffin McElroy?

  I just wanted to say thank you for that.

• 1:01:14Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you're good, Megs. Or you don't like standing up for a long time. And I get that, too, man. Hell, yeah.

• 1:01:20Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, Kyle. Hello.

• 1:01:22Speaker 09

  Hello. So, I'm auditioning for the Minnesota Vikings drumline.

• 1:01:26Griffin McElroy?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:01:29Griffin McElroy?

  You were... I thought that sentence was gonna end with Vikings, and then I was gonna be like, "I... Just from the jump, I don't think they call it auditioning."

• 1:01:37Speaker 09

  Yeah. I'm still bulking up for the season.

• 1:01:39Griffin McElroy?

  I'm assuming kicker. Kicker. We can agree. Kicker, yeah. Okay.

• 1:01:43Travis McElroy?

  I've prepared two monologues and 90 seconds of a song. I didn't look into what they do, but I love acting like a Viking.

• 1:01:52Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, so you're auditioning for the drumline for the Vikings?

• 1:01:56Speaker 09

  Yeah, and so, part of the final audition has us playing a solo in front of a panel of judges. That part's normal. The trouble is that this solo is happening on a stage in the middle of the Mall of America, open to the public. So, I know what to play for judges and other percussionists, but I don't know how to do that and also play for, like, a general audience at the same time. So, my question is, how can I hype up the Mall of America crowd while also still impressing the regular judges?

• 1:02:26Travis McElroy?

  Okay, so, Kyle, I'm hoping, just to get a baseline, I'll give you a few standard... Sorry?

• 1:02:33Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:02:34Travis McElroy?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:02:34Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, okay. That one option is everyone here shows up and it pops off.

• 1:02:38Travis McElroy?

  Uh, if I could get a bassline.

• 1:02:39Griffin McElroy?

  Bass drumline.

• 1:02:40Travis McElroy?

  Uh, thank you. Um, if you could just give me like, uh, just in your standard delivery, no extra mustery thing, just like, uh, "Okay, party people, are we ready to rock?"

• 1:02:51Travis McElroy?

  Just to get like a-

• 1:02:52Griffin McElroy?

  But Kyle, just do it like you normally, like just how you normally do it.

• 1:02:55Travis McElroy?

  Like how you normally do it. "Okay, party people, ready to rock?"

• 1:02:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Dude. I'm fucking- If I'm at the, if I'm at the-

• 1:03:03Travis McElroy?

  I'm hyped to the max.

• 1:03:05Griffin McElroy?

  If I'm at the Mall of America and I see someone wearing one of those big drum things and they say that, that way into a microphone, I'm grabbing my kids by the hand saying, "Sorry, we're not going on the SpongeBob roller coaster." "I gotta see what this fucking dude's bringing to the table."

• 1:03:20Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. I would try, I would start with a slow point to the upper decks. You know what I mean? Like a slow, like, call it, before you even start drumming, there's gonna be such a lack of drumming that people will look down like, "What is going on down there? I thought they were supposed to be drumming today."

• 1:03:34Griffin McElroy?

  Kyle, here's what happens. You get up there with your drum, "Do you play the drums that lay down or the drum that stands up?"

• 1:03:40Travis McElroy?

  Uh, it's a snare drum, so it's just the one.

• 1:03:42Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, great, perfect. You get up there, you start to hit, "Oh, it makes a weird noise." "What?" You pick up a disc golf disc. "What?" Your friend's up there on the second level, you hit an ace, you say, "Smooch town, big kiss." You start fucking going at it. Yeah.

• 1:03:58Griffin McElroy?

  Kyle, I guarantee if you deliver that callback joke to this one specific live podcast recording-

• 1:04:05Travis McElroy?

  They will love it.

• 1:04:05Griffin McElroy?

  The entire Mall of America's gonna lose their fucking minds. I like-

• 1:04:09Travis McElroy?

  "Are you good at drums?" I mean, I, I like to think I'm okay.

• 1:04:13Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, I just didn't know if this was like on a whim, I woke up one day and decided to audition.

• 1:04:17Travis McElroy?

  Let's put it this way, the Vikings didn't ask me to audition.

• 1:04:22Griffin McElroy?

  Sure. Um, so then you probably don't need us up here going like, "Have you tried like, gung-cha, gung-cha?"

• 1:04:30Travis McElroy?

  Do that APT song. I think that would be fun.

• 1:04:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:32Travis McElroy?

  And like a drum line.

• 1:04:34Griffin McElroy?

  Does the goose, does the goose, does the goose, does the goose.

• 1:04:37Travis McElroy?

  What about butter get it, butter get it, butter get it?

• 1:04:39Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:40Travis McElroy?

  Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather.

• 1:04:42Griffin McElroy?

  I like, you could do that part in the Whiplash movie at the end when he's like, playing the drum solo and he's like, first off, do that whole drum solo.

• 1:04:49Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:49Griffin McElroy?

  Crazy. But then that part where he's like, and he slows it way down for like 15 fucking minutes while J Jonah Jameson's going like, "I hate you, but this is so good."

• 1:05:01Travis McElroy?

  Listen, I don't know how much 10 minutes of J Jonah Jameson's time costs, but if you could get him there to yell at you while you play.

• 1:05:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 1:05:09Travis McElroy?

  No matter how your audition goes.

• 1:05:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:12Travis McElroy?

  They're gonna be impressed.

• 1:05:14Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:14Travis McElroy?

  Cause they're like, "Fuck, is that JK J Jonah Jameson?"

• 1:05:17Griffin McElroy?

  JK J Jonah Jameson Simmons? Damn. Can you squirt a little bit of fake blood in your palms at the end of your solo and just be like, "Ah!" Better, I can hire somebody to slap me and say I'm not playing their tempo. Yeah. Just get it.

• 1:05:32Travis McElroy?

  And then you start hitting them with your drumsticks until they die. And they're like, "Whoa, we also could do drum self-defense."

• 1:05:39Griffin McElroy?

  And then I can audition for the football team after that.

• 1:05:41Travis McElroy?

  Hell, yeah!

• 1:05:42Griffin McElroy?

  Exactly, Kyle.

• 1:05:44Travis McElroy?

  Does that help? Does that help?

• 1:05:46Griffin McElroy?

  It does. Alright, thank you so much. Good luck, Kyle, on your big audition.

• 1:05:50Travis McElroy?

  I believe in you.

• 1:05:52Griffin McElroy?

  Hello. How's it going? Hi.

• 1:05:54Speaker 10

  Hi, I'm Tate, they them.

• 1:05:56Griffin McElroy?

  Hi Tate, how's it going?

• 1:05:57Speaker 10

  Going alright.

• 1:05:58Griffin McElroy?

  Good, good.

• 1:05:59Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:05:59Griffin McElroy?

  What's your question?

• 1:06:01Speaker 10

  So, I asked you guys this way before the pandemic. I have a pug that I have to take on walks several times a day.

• 1:06:08Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:09Speaker 10

  He has a really bad habit where whenever we're next to like, a chain link fence, he backs his back legs up onto the fence, like with his feet.

• 1:06:21Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:22Speaker 10

  Lines his asshole up with a chain link fence.

• 1:06:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:26Speaker 10

  And then poops through the fence.

• 1:06:32Speaker 10

  Into someone else's yard.

• 1:06:35Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:35Speaker 10

  Always.

• 1:06:36Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 1:06:37Speaker 10

  And so, my issue is, I've been faced with several times.

• 1:06:42Travis McElroy?

  I know what your issue is.

• 1:06:43Speaker 10

  Do I break into this yard to pick up the turd?

• 1:06:46Travis McElroy?

  Right.

• 1:06:47Speaker 10

  Or do I like ghost? Because this has been an issue in the past.

• 1:06:53Travis McElroy?

  Well, I'm still glad you asked that. So Griffin, what does Rachel do when you poop through a chain link fence?

• 1:07:06Griffin McElroy?

  The idea that I could release stool without being completely secure,

• 1:07:17Griffin McElroy?

  without having a shell, a two-factor authentication fail-safe system around me is so ridiculous that the joke you just made doesn't make any fucking sense.

• 1:07:44Travis McElroy?

  Tate, I'm really glad that you described this as like your pug has a weird habit and not a fetish.

• 1:07:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I don't want to freak you out Tate, but this is like DEFCON night. Like Caesar Milan rolls up and is like, "Fuck, man, what?"

• 1:08:04Travis McElroy?

  How did you react the very first time it happened?

• 1:08:07Speaker 10

  Kind of like, huh, that was a really weird one-off.

• 1:08:11Griffin McElroy?

  Better.

• 1:08:13Speaker 10

  Like, the next day, I was like, hmm.

• 1:08:16Travis McElroy?

  Here's a-

• 1:08:17Speaker 10

  I don't know.

• 1:08:17Griffin McElroy?

  That's crazy, because if I saw a human shitting through a chain link fence, my first thought wouldn't be like, mm, first time they've done this, I bet. Wow, I'm catching a truly original moment here.

• 1:08:29Travis McElroy?

  So Tate, I don't know if you know this, I used to be a professional dog trainer at PetSmart.

• 1:08:33Griffin McElroy?

  There's no way you have any experience with this exact thing.

• 1:08:39Travis McElroy?

  No, not this exact thing, but-

• 1:08:41Speaker 10

  I don't know if finger blasting dog, denises comes into play.

• 1:08:45Griffin McElroy?

  Okay. Tate, Tate's referencing a bit-

• 1:08:49Travis McElroy?

  I can't stress this enough, that was a different job.

• 1:08:54Travis McElroy?

  And that was not part of dog training and I was not finger blasting the dog.

• 1:08:59Griffin McElroy?

  Of all the geruns.

• 1:09:01Travis McElroy?

  I was squeezing their anal glands. And I was bad at it. Neither of us enjoyed it.

• 1:09:10Griffin McElroy?

  The dogs only liked it because of how bad he was at it, Tate.

• 1:09:15Travis McElroy?

  They enjoyed laughing at my experience, but what I was going to say, Tate. You wouldn't call it finger blasting if you're bad at it, guys. Finger poking. You have to catch your pug every time you see him look at a fence and pause for a moment and decide not to do it. Then you gotta praise the fuck out of him. Like, "Good boy, not shitting through that fence." Catch him being good, absolutely. Stay away from fences, is that a possibility?

• 1:09:48Speaker 10

  I think we can make that happen.

• 1:09:49Travis McElroy?

  All electric fences.

• 1:09:50Griffin McElroy?

  No, listen, I know a dog like, what's the dog's name?

• 1:09:54Speaker 10

  Portobello.

• 1:09:55Griffin McElroy?

  That's fucking great. I know, I've met dogs like this.

• 1:09:58Travis McElroy?

  Good.

• 1:09:59Griffin McElroy?

  I've met, I've met dogs like this, Tate, and you can't discipline them in the traditional way. You gotta get on their level and be like, "Hey, Portobello, I get it." Me, every time I look at a chain link fence, I also think, "How funny." I have a super funny, nasty idea.

• 1:10:22Travis McElroy?

  I wish I was a little dirty dog so I could do my nasty, my nasty tricks. Here's what you gotta do, Tate. Get a section of chain link fence at home. Really zhuzh it up. Make it fancy, make it an extreme pleasure to use. And then Portobello sees other chain link fences and thinks, "I got better at home." That's true. I'm gonna save it. Like, when I'm traveling and I see any toilet, that's not my favorite toilet at home.

• 1:10:48Speaker 10

  And you bust out your chain link fence.

• 1:10:50Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, and then I go home and I shit through a chain link fence for the amusement of everyone.

• 1:10:54Griffin McElroy?

  I got a, I got a kick ass idea, Tate. If it looks like this is about to happen and there's a house with a chain link fence, real quick, you run up to the front door, knock, ring the doorbell, say, "Hey, my dog is about to shit through your chain link fence. It is now your decision which direction it goes through."

• 1:11:15Griffin McElroy?

  Are we going?

• 1:11:19Travis McElroy?

  The clock is ticking. It can go left to right, right to left, but whether or not it happens is not an option.

• 1:11:27Griffin McElroy?

  Do you want an outside job or an inside job? Tate, does that help?

• 1:11:33Speaker 10

  I think that helps.

• 1:11:34Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you so much, Tate. Thank you.

• 1:11:38Griffin McElroy?

  And thank you all so much for coming to our show. You all have been, I imagine, most of you were also here last night. You've been fucking rad and amazing. And we love you and appreciate you so, so much.

• 1:11:51Griffin McElroy?

  I want to say a huge thank you to our dad, Clint McElroy, for rocking us on tonight.

• 1:12:00Griffin McElroy?

  To Amanda, our business manager and our audio engineer this weekend, who's been handling the recordings.

• 1:12:09Travis McElroy?

  To tour manager Paul, thank you for being here.

• 1:12:11Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you, tour manager Paul, the wind beneath our wings.

• 1:12:14Travis McElroy?

  I want to say thank you to Tom. He did that video, the Union Intermission and all of our video work. That's thanks to Tom.

• 1:12:21Griffin McElroy?

  Except for the work that Miggy does, yes. Tom does the rest.

• 1:12:23Travis McElroy?

  Tom and Nate went disc golfing today and they had the good taste not to invite us. So, thank you for that, guys. Hard agree. Thank you to Shannon for taking my older brother to a candy store. That's cool.

• 1:12:38Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you to Samara Jethwa for this incredible poster.

• 1:12:42Travis McElroy?

  Make sure you get yours.

• 1:12:43Griffin McElroy?

  There may still be some outside. There's also probably still some Memorial canned food drive challenge coins out there, so go check those out. Thank you to Montane for the Easter theme song, "My Life is Better With You." Thank you to the Fitzgerald for having us.

• 1:12:57Travis McElroy?

  Thank you to the Fitzgerald Theater. This is lovely.

• 1:12:59Griffin McElroy?

  Yes, it's been amazing. Seriously, it's been the best, the best, the best time here. So, thank you all so much. And we have one more fear that someone has sent in that they would like to be faster than. And it looks like everyone's turned off their devices, so I'm gonna be the one reading it by default.

• 1:13:16Travis McElroy?

  I was thinking, what if, like, we had the audience call out something after we heard it? Like, "Be faster."

• 1:13:22Griffin McElroy?

  No, that scares me. I don't like that. So, don't do that.

• 1:13:25Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 1:13:25Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Yeah, no, don't do that. Don't. Bad idea.

• 1:13:30Travis McElroy?

  Wink.

• 1:13:31Griffin McElroy?

  No, don't do it. Here we go. "This year, I want to live faster than my fear of touching the honey bottle. Sometimes life's sticky."

• 1:13:43Travis McElroy?

  My name's Justin McElroy. I'm Travis McElroy. I'm Griffin McElroy. It's my brother, my brother, me, Kiss Your Dad Square on the lips.

• 1:14:22Speaker 10

  Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows. Supported. Directly. By you.