Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast How to Feel Rich! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley About this episode Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 13,201 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:19 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:25 Speaker 02 Hey!
0:26 H. Foley? It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they're going to be classy.
0:30 Speaker 02 Yeah!
0:31 H. Foley? Or if they're just a big ol' piece of trash.
0:33 Speaker 02 Garbage!
0:33 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in the new addition. Woke up this morning, delivered to the house, a dozen long-stemmed red roses.
0:44 Speaker 02 Whoa!
0:45 H. Foley? Addressed to my little sweetie pie, Aunt Toody.
0:48 Speaker 02 Wow!
0:49 H. Foley? Yeah.
0:50 Speaker 02 Okay.
0:50 H. Foley? She was shaking somebody's bedpost last night.
0:53 Speaker 02 (laughing)
0:53 H. Foley? Hey, you know that.
0:54 Speaker 02 Somebody with a couple of bucks, apparently.
0:56 H. Foley? Bringing the goods, yeah! Very classy move.
0:59 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:00 H. Foley? To send roses after a night of fornication.
1:04 Speaker 02 One-night stand. Probably, they were probably at a motel that paid by the hour. To shout out to the Lincoln Motel down there on the boulevard.
1:11 H. Foley? Woo, the door opens out to the parking lot.
1:14 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
1:14 H. Foley? Very nice, though.
1:16 Speaker 02 Nice.
1:16 H. Foley? How are you with flowers?
1:17 Speaker 02 Uh, well, if you introduce me, maybe we'll get into it.
1:20 H. Foley? Kevin Ryan!
1:20 Speaker 02 (laughing) Yeah, you didn't like that, did you?
1:23 H. Foley? I did not.
1:24 Speaker 02 Uh, what up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, just make sure to rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify, baby! Uh, and then, obviously, patreon.com/areyougarbage. Go over there, you get all that bonus content. Not to mention, the boys are getting back out on the road.
1:39 H. Foley? The boys are on the road. Couple of big ones, we got Tampa. Make sure you get those tickets. We're gonna be down at SideSplitters for the weekend.
1:45 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
1:46 H. Foley? Get tickets, come see that. And Austin, Texas, down there at the Creek and the Cave.
1:51 Speaker 02 Not to mention, uh, Los Angeles on sale for part of the Netflix Is a Joke Festival. Get those tickets, as that's gonna friggin' go.
1:58 H. Foley? Well, eh.
1:58 Speaker 02 Uh, taking the Bug Man back to LA. Wah, wah, wah! Hachi, Mazi, we're gonna have to put, we're gonna have to have you a couple of fucking bodyguards next to you.
2:08 H. Foley? I'm gonna be at the hotel, like, in LA Confidential. They'll be working me over. Told you not to come back.
2:12 Speaker 02 No, this is gonna be that thing where it's like you're about to testify, we gotta keep you alive. You know what I mean? Fuck, we gotta lock you in a hotel room.
2:19 H. Foley? These eggs taste weird.
2:21 Speaker 02 And then Denver's on sale, LA's on sale. All tickets available at r-gobbers.com. Check it out. If you haven't been to a live show, you're gonna have a fun friggin' time.
2:31 H. Foley? It's a good time out there.
2:33 Speaker 02 Chicago, too.
2:33 H. Foley? Chicago!
2:34 Speaker 02 Coming to the Vic Theater.
2:35 H. Foley? Now that's where I need to be, out there in Chicago. Once the weather clears up a little bit. Wind whipping off Lake Michigan.
2:42 Speaker 02 Staying on, thank you. Staying on the nice side of town.
2:44 H. Foley? Are we?
2:45 Speaker 02 I don't know. I'm not going downtown to Chi-Rac, I'll tell you that much.
2:51 Speaker 02 Where they got King Von and shit.
2:52 H. Foley? I got people over there.
2:54 Speaker 02 Yeah?
2:54 H. Foley? I'll keep you safe.
2:55 Speaker 02 Who, Dicke?
2:57 H. Foley? No, not Dicke.
2:59 Speaker 02 No, no shit.
3:00 H. Foley? I'll keep you safe. Don't wear blue.
3:02 Speaker 02 Okay.
3:03 H. Foley? Or red.
3:04 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, you're fucking bad.
3:06 H. Foley? Don't do that!
3:07 Speaker 02 That's bloods.
3:08 H. Foley? Expose me?
3:09 Speaker 02 Okay.
3:09 H. Foley? I meant for Valentine's Day, but, alright, fair enough. Can I get back to my-
3:13 Speaker 02 You really drove this one into the ground.
3:15 H. Foley? You did, didn't you?
3:15 Speaker 02 No, you did.
3:16 H. Foley? I'm gonna pull it out, don't worry.
3:18 Speaker 02 Oh, I'm in a gang, I got ya, I'll take care of ya.
3:21 H. Foley? I can't take care of ya.
3:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, no, we can't take care of your fucking self, you can't go back to Los Angeles!
3:26 H. Foley? That's not because of, that's because of my own personal reasons, I don't do well out in LA. Something about the sun out there. The fresh air, avocados, get me? It's not really the avocados.
3:39 Speaker 02 Mango trees.
3:40 H. Foley? It's things that are sometimes inserted in avocados when they come to the border.
3:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
3:45 Speaker 02 We gotcha, we gotcha.
3:46 H. Foley? Anyway. My personal, uh...
3:49 Speaker 02 Hey, guy taking bits, five seconds too long, let's go. Check to fuck in.
3:54 H. Foley? My personal plight's not really on the docket here.
3:57 Speaker 02 Nobody, you brought it up!
3:59 H. Foley? Fair enough.
4:02 H. Foley? You do flowers? Classy guy like that, you do flowers?
4:06 Speaker 02 I try, um...
4:08 H. Foley? Figure after that disappointing sex, you got to.
4:11 Speaker 02 Man, you really got your, really got the fangs out today, gang.
4:17 Speaker 02 Uh, not really, my wife isn't a huge flower gal.
4:20 H. Foley? They all say that.
4:21 Speaker 02 She don't like roses, I'll do a couple times a year.
4:26 H. Foley? You'll throw 'em out there.
4:27 Speaker 02 Yeah.
4:28 H. Foley? A classy move for a gentleman, which today we're talking about classy things.
4:31 Speaker 02 Sure.
4:32 H. Foley? Which, as I told you, things that you had in the house when you were growing up, that made you feel like you were classy.
4:40 Speaker 02 Like you told me, yeah.
4:41 H. Foley? Like I told you.
4:42 Speaker 02 Like I didn't just have-
4:43 H. Foley? It was all my idea.
4:43 Speaker 02 I'd have to tell you three and a half minutes ago what we were doing. Sure.
4:48 H. Foley? Wake up in the middle of a production meeting, you gotta act like you've been there.
4:51 Speaker 02 You gotta yell at somebody. Take the room back, dog, you know what I mean?
4:55 H. Foley? Thought we were talking about hot dogs.
4:57 Speaker 02 Fire somebody and walk out. Shark, you're fired!
5:00 H. Foley? Now I'll be in my office. Shark, let me see in my office. Sorry about that, man. Shout out to Mark the Shark, new editor on the team here. Cornell grad.
5:09 Speaker 02 Sure.
5:10 H. Foley? Smart guy's working for us over here.
5:12 Speaker 02 I know, name's not Mark.
5:13 H. Foley? His parents are probably very disappointed.
5:16 Speaker 02 Sure, it was also pretty funny, the first, uh, we brought Mark the Shark to the Philly show. To help out, production hand.
5:22 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
5:23 Speaker 02 And, uh, the elevator opened up and he was carrying my baby's pack and play. I said, "Welcome to show business."
5:30 Speaker 02 "Welcome to Hollywood, Shark Cornell boy, carrying a fucking, carrying a pack and play with spit up all over."
5:35 H. Foley? I had to bring my own pack and play upstairs like an asshole.
5:40 H. Foley? Waving to stuff.
5:41 Speaker 02 The big pack and boy.
5:42 H. Foley? Look behind you. No, the other way.
5:45 Speaker 02 What?
5:45 H. Foley? God, you stink. What's on the wall back there? What's on the wall back there?
5:50 Speaker 02 A painting.
5:51 H. Foley? Yes.
5:51 Speaker 02 That's not behind me. That's to my right.
5:53 H. Foley? Oh, look at you.
5:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:54 H. Foley? What are you, fucking Bill Cody? Buffalo Bill. Didn't hear the guy who got with his back to the door? Wile E. Coyote. No. Wild Bill Hickok.
6:03 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
6:04 H. Foley? He got caught.
6:05 Speaker 02 You're talking to me?
6:06 H. Foley? Yeah.
6:06 Speaker 02 Okay, that's, I thought we were doing a comedy podcast.
6:08 H. Foley? Talking to the guy behind you.
6:10 Speaker 02 No, roll behind you.
6:11 H. Foley? As I've said before on this podcast, that painting was in my home, was in my childhood home in Mountain Top. Then it was brought to Wilkes-Barre with us. And then it even made it for a few years at the house down here in Philly.
6:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
6:23 H. Foley? Outside of Philly, in the burbs. And as a child, I thought that that was my mother and my grandmother.
6:31 H. Foley? Who grew up in a studio apartment.
6:33 Speaker 02 It's definitely not, they're not blowing anybody.
6:35 H. Foley? How dare you?
6:38 Speaker 02 Got him, Kibby's back. Hey, fat guy stinks, Kibby's back.
6:41 H. Foley? My mom grew up in like a one-bedroom apartment in like, uh...
6:47 Speaker 02 The 20s.
6:47 H. Foley? No. For the harp. Uh, how'd they get it through the door? Um, in a one-bedroom apartment with other family members that live there.
6:56 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
6:57 H. Foley? So...
6:58 Speaker 02 What's that mean? You thought that was her?
7:00 H. Foley? Oh, I thought that was them, but I was...
7:02 Speaker 02 You thought that was the apartment they grew up in? They didn't have second-bedroom money, but they had a harp money?
7:08 H. Foley? Lot of room in here, huh?
7:10 Speaker 02 They could easily put up a wall, turn it into a two-bedroom.
7:13 H. Foley? Paint it over the hot plate that was in the corner.
7:15 Speaker 02 Also, I'm pretty sure I see Florida's ceiling windows. Where the fuck is that?
7:21 H. Foley? That's what I thought. I thought like that's where my mom grew up. And then every New Year's Eve, she would always tell me how brutal it was growing up, because she hated New Year's Eve, because that's when she found out her mother was dying.
7:31 Speaker 02 Okay.
7:32 H. Foley? Esophageal cancer.
7:33 Speaker 02 Is this your first time doing this?
7:34 H. Foley? I'm just telling you, this fact's about me.
7:36 Speaker 02 Nobody has those facts.
7:38 H. Foley? I thought that was us. I thought that's where I came from. And I always wondered, what the hell happened on the cat?
7:43 Speaker 02 What minute are we at?
7:45 Speaker 03 Seven.
7:45 Speaker 02 Seven, and we already hit esophageal cancer. That's crazy.
7:49 Speaker 03 Topical.
7:50 Speaker 02 You could've just said she was sick. I didn't need the fucking test results showing me your fucking lab workups.
7:57 H. Foley? It spread around too. It wasn't just any esophagies.
8:01 Speaker 02 Everybody's gonna get sick in that one bedroom.
8:03 H. Foley? I have tonsillitis, I forgot to tell you too, by the way. It's not contagious, as long as you don't kiss. But I am on an antibiotic.
8:09 Speaker 02 Okay.
8:10 H. Foley? Augmentin. Augmentin? Augmentin? Penicillin.
8:15 Speaker 03 Augment this conversation.
8:18 Speaker 02 Trying to truncate this conversation.
8:20 H. Foley? Anyway, that was something that I had in my house growing up that I thought that made me feel fancy. You know what I mean? That beautiful painting back there.
8:28 Speaker 02 I mean, it is a nice painting. To me, that looks fancy. It looks like the real wood and patina, and it looks valuable. But if you touch it, it's actually like plastic. Like, it's all one piece of plastic.
8:41 H. Foley? It's a print, dickhead.
8:43 Speaker 02 I'm just saying, I was shocked.
8:45 H. Foley? We have the original.
8:46 Speaker 02 No, you don't.
8:46 H. Foley? Yes, we do.
8:47 Speaker 02 No, you don't.
8:48 H. Foley? It's at the Louvre.
8:49 Speaker 02 It's at the Louvre.
8:52 H. Foley? It's at the VFW, that is street, Pat.
8:54 Speaker 02 They're holding it until we pay the tab.
8:58 H. Foley? Oh, man. You never had to do anything like that, did you?
9:01 Speaker 02 What, pay a tab at a VFW? Nah, we sw- Ryan pays their debts. Nah, not really. Sullivan pays their debts.
9:07 H. Foley? Give somebody, um, something to hold till you straighten them out.
9:12 Speaker 02 Uh, no, no. I remember, uh... No, not real. No. I never...
9:19 H. Foley? I had to with a stereo.
9:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, I mean, I was, I was dealing with my friends, not drug dealers.
9:25 H. Foley? Okay.
9:26 Speaker 02 Well, I'm just saying, like, I wasn't going on the-
9:27 H. Foley? Some of them were my friends. Okay?
9:30 Speaker 02 I don't think they were ca- they were calling you that often.
9:33 H. Foley? You get close at knife point. You know what I mean?
9:35 Speaker 02 It really brings you together. Uh, yeah, no, definitely, definitely not. I don't think so. Not that I can recall.
9:41 H. Foley? Can I guess what you had in your house growing up that made you feel fancy?
9:44 Speaker 02 Sure.
9:45 H. Foley? Huh. Call my bluff on this one.
9:51 H. Foley? We'll be right back.
9:53 H. Foley? I would have to assume, a lot of people, it's the china cabinet, where the good dishes are. Which you have a pretty extensive china cabinet, in the kitchen.
10:03 Speaker 02 In the kitchen?
10:04 H. Foley? Your china cabinet is in the kitchen.
10:05 Speaker 02 That's, that's, that's new Raymour Flanagan shit. That's not that. That's not- that house that you've been to, while it is the four walls I grew up in, that's no longer the house I grew up in.
10:17 H. Foley? What do you say? Oh, okay.
10:18 Speaker 02 It's all, not that it's been redone, redone, um... I guess it has been. I don't know. That... I would say we had a kitchen island. That was like the-
10:31 H. Foley? Ah, that's pretty good.
10:32 Speaker 02 The standalone island.
10:33 H. Foley? Yeah.
10:33 Speaker 02 It was very much, I remember being like, this is, that felt-
10:37 H. Foley? Sure.
10:38 Speaker 02 Because that could go over to like, that was the house- So that house was built in 89, I think, when my parents were still together.
10:44 H. Foley? It's pretty good.
10:45 Speaker 02 Things were still going well.
10:47 H. Foley? It was a good year.
10:48 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, I think construction in the eighties in the Philadelphia area was doing pretty well.
10:53 H. Foley? Booming.
10:53 Speaker 02 Right?
10:54 H. Foley? All through to-
10:54 Speaker 02 Reaganomics.
10:55 H. Foley? All through to 90s.
10:56 Speaker 02 So that was doing well, and then they split up. And then my mom took that ha- that was like, my mom, my dad moved out, my mom kept that house. And then-
11:07 H. Foley? Was that paid for? Can I ask you that?
11:08 Speaker 02 No, no, no, no, no.
11:09 H. Foley? Oh, it wasn't?
11:10 Speaker 02 Um...
11:11 H. Foley? Touchy subject.
11:14 Speaker 02 Very much so.
11:17 Speaker 02 No, not by any means. And then, uh, my mom took over and then as the, she was the head of the house. And she had to go, she went back to work because she was like raising kids and then she went back to work at the hospital. So like there wasn't
11:33 Speaker 02 a lot of, it was a nice house, but my mom always said we were, we were, was it house rich or house broke? House poor. Like we were in this nice house and she kept us in that house because of the, for the school district. She was like, I'm not taking my kids out.
11:46 H. Foley? Right.
11:47 Speaker 02 So like there was never much really nice stuff in there.
11:51 H. Foley? Where would you have went if it weren't, I mean, you went to fucking Council Rock. It's not like that's Harvard. Where would you, where would they say?
11:58 Speaker 02 I believe it's a very good, uh, school district.
12:01 H. Foley? I mean, you had more pill deaths per capita than fucking-
12:03 Speaker 02 Well, that was different. I mean, she'd be keeping us in there in the nineties. The opioid epidemic, uh, hit in the two thousands. And listen, I don't think you came out unscathed either. You fell victim to the fucking opioid epidemic when you were 32. It's not like, it's not like you had peer pressure in social studies.
12:21 H. Foley? So you're gonna follow me because I like Slipknot?
12:24 Speaker 02 I felt the air as up in me.
12:28 Speaker 02 Great song. I've been listening to that by the way.
12:29 H. Foley? Slipknot?
12:30 Speaker 02 Just that song, waiting bleed until they get real heavy metal and I turn it off.
12:35 H. Foley? Gets a little spooky scary. Had to sleep on a nightlight.
12:39 Speaker 02 They were banned from MTV, which, hey, listen. If you're too, if you're too edgy for the music television channel, you're a little too edgy for Kippy.
12:47 H. Foley? Lutherans wouldn't have him.
12:50 H. Foley? Yeah, that was the thing, man, back in the day. You get banned from MTV, that's better for your career.
12:54 Speaker 02 I know.
12:54 H. Foley? Get that, uh, parental advisory.
12:57 Speaker 02 Screw you.
12:58 H. Foley? Yeah, little Eminem.
13:00 Speaker 02 Take it to the man.
13:01 H. Foley? Little Kippy running around.
13:04 Speaker 02 I don't know, that, that house was built with an intercom system on the walls.
13:09 H. Foley? It's bad, though. It's like what they-
13:10 Speaker 02 It never worked.
13:12 H. Foley? That's how they warn Chernobyl.
13:13 Speaker 02 That's the, that's, if that isn't a testament to, I think, everything in our lives.
13:19 H. Foley? There's a tape deck in it, doesn't it? Am I not mistaken?
13:21 Speaker 02 I wanted the kitchen as a tape deck. It never worked. Everything was kinda fixed in that house.
13:27 H. Foley? So you couldn't use that tape deck when you were having parties and shit like that to like, set the vibe?
13:31 Speaker 02 No, we didn't have parties. I mean, when, but like, when I was throwing my own parties?
13:34 H. Foley? Yeah.
13:35 Speaker 02 Uh, no, we weren't listening to tapes. I would've been in, I mean, you know, 2000 and, I mean, when did I graduate high school? 2005's like, early 2000's. Would've been like, a CD player, which I don't think we had either.
13:47 H. Foley? You didn't have music playing at your parties?
13:49 Speaker 02 I wouldn't say like, I had parties. I really think you have like, a, uh, like a Saved by the Bell picture in your head.
13:56 H. Foley? Oh, no, I don't.
13:58 Speaker 02 Okay.
13:58 H. Foley? Just trying to, trying to rope it dope you.
14:00 Speaker 02 I, I can tell. Um-
14:03 H. Foley? You know, like, it's a big party going on, and then you and the hottest girl in school go upstairs and stuff like that.
14:07 Speaker 02 Is that what happened to you in high school?
14:08 H. Foley? Sometimes.
14:09 Speaker 02 Sometimes, yeah. Uh-huh. Went upstairs into what, your, your split level home?
14:16 H. Foley? Three steps up.
14:17 Speaker 02 Took, took her into the top bunk. Is that what you did? Fucking Johnny Cool guy?
14:23 H. Foley? Why'd you put in your parents?
14:24 Speaker 02 Hey, this is, this is, this is my, this is my, this is my football jersey. It's framed. Yeah, I gotta wear it on Friday, but I still frame it. Cause I'm hanging on to the glory days that were last Friday.
14:35 H. Foley? You always lived in the past, didn't you?
14:37 Speaker 02 No.
14:38 H. Foley? Week to week even.
14:40 Speaker 02 Remember me last Friday? Beer pong champion.
14:43 H. Foley? I didn't play beer pong.
14:44 Speaker 02 I didn't play beer pong.
14:47 Speaker 02 You're a fucking broken record, you know that?
14:49 H. Foley? Scrapple.
14:50 Speaker 02 Um, no, that would've been the classiest thing. Uh, we didn't have-
14:56 H. Foley? You know what you have that's pretty classy?
14:57 Speaker 02 Now?
14:58 H. Foley? The hidden, no, no. You have nothing now.
15:02 Speaker 02 A little rude.
15:03 H. Foley? No, you're kidding, you're, you're, your suburban joint is real nice.
15:07 Speaker 02 It's nice, yeah, I mean, the, the, you know, we've, we've done a good amount of work to it. Uh-
15:12 H. Foley? I was gonna say, you had your mom's house.
15:14 Speaker 02 Uh-huh.
15:15 H. Foley? Um, a trap house, as I call it.
15:19 Speaker 02 Yeah, you just sell bundles out of there.
15:22 H. Foley? You got that thing that comes down when you step on the steps? That always scared me.
15:25 Speaker 02 I don't know what that is.
15:26 H. Foley? At drug dealers' house, they'd set up booby traps for the cops.
15:29 Speaker 02 I don't know.
15:29 H. Foley? You'd step on the steps and you'd fall into a pit where the pit bulls were. You never seen that shit?
15:33 Speaker 02 Where?
15:34 H. Foley? I don't know, bad places. And like, bad neighborhoods. Drug dealers would set up booby traps, so if the cops ever came in, they would, they would, they would stop them.
15:44 Speaker 02 Okay.
15:45 H. Foley? Like have like a knife come down on a, on a, on a thing. You know what I'm talking about?
15:50 Speaker 02 Stop with Colly Colkin.
15:52 H. Foley? I'm telling you, man.
15:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, hitting the head with a paint bucket. At one, I'm gonna get ya. Run out of paint, walking up the stairs.
16:00 H. Foley? A lot of tarantulas. Uh, you got the...
16:03 Speaker 02 Follier girlfriend wolf.
16:06 H. Foley? You have the, uh, hidden trash can. Didn't ya? You had the trash can in the thing.
16:11 Speaker 02 Oh, no, we still don't.
16:12 H. Foley? Really?
16:13 Speaker 02 No.
16:13 H. Foley? Must be somebody else's house. Sorry, loser.
16:16 Speaker 02 Uh, and, and my house in the bird's now, my mom's house, no.
16:20 H. Foley? Oh, you do, you had a trash can in your place?
16:22 Speaker 02 Well, I mean, it came with the house, yeah.
16:24 H. Foley? Still well.
16:24 Speaker 02 Uh-huh.
16:25 H. Foley? Congratulations. Kim, let's talk about DraftKings, baby.
16:27 Speaker 02 Shout out to the kings of the draft.
16:29 H. Foley? More importantly, let's talk about Super Bowl 60, cause DraftKings is an official sports betting partner of Super Bowl 60. They put you right in the center of the biggest game of the year.
16:39 Speaker 02 You ain't lying, dog.
16:40 H. Foley? And when anything can happen during the Super Bowl, DraftKings has your back with an early exit. If a player goes down in the first half, you still get paid out in cash. Immediately once your bet settles, no bonus bets, no waiting.
16:52 Speaker 02 That ain't too bad. Listen, I am a big, I'm talking a big DraftKings kinda guy.
16:58 H. Foley? You like to place a bet.
16:59 Speaker 02 I got my own stuff, I got my own little system.
17:02 H. Foley? Sure.
17:02 Speaker 02 I got how I like to play, I got... You know what's fun for me? I do a lot of first, who's gonna get, who's, score first. Score, anytime touchdown, first touchdown. That's, listen, I get this stuff, the odds are good, you predict who's gonna get it, and it keeps you in... Listen, my, my birds are out.
17:19 H. Foley? Them doing all that stuff makes it fun.
17:21 Speaker 02 It makes it fun, it makes it enjoyable. You got someone gnawing your fucking ear off about the commercials. Shut up about the commercials, piss the... Chicken.
17:29 H. Foley? I'm eating Doritos now.
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18:23 H. Foley? Other than that, check out DraftKings. Kim, what's up about Chime?
18:27 Speaker 02 Chime!
18:28 H. Foley? As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.
18:30 Speaker 02 You ain't lying, big man.
18:31 H. Foley? Things start adding up.
18:32 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
18:33 H. Foley? You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish. I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had Chime.
18:47 Speaker 02 I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after you.
19:00 H. Foley? Overdraft fees.
19:01 Speaker 02 Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, that it. Oh, $5 for this, $10 for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know, I need that, dog. Uh, right now you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage. That's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now. It only takes a few minutes.
19:43 Speaker 04 Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.
19:55 Speaker 02 That in the 90s into a hidden trash can. Even if it was under the sink, like not the one that you pull all the way out. A lot of people kept a small one under the sink.
20:05 H. Foley? Hated that.
20:05 Speaker 02 It's under the sink. I kinda liked that.
20:07 H. Foley? Hated that. It was always so small.
20:09 Speaker 02 Very classy back then, which I hated.
20:11 H. Foley? Trash compact.
20:12 Speaker 02 Trash compact.
20:13 H. Foley? Man, I thought I'd kill myself with one of those things.
20:15 Speaker 02 Man, they don't touch it. What the fuck? I remember being like, I remember being like, what are you all, janitors? Like, this is, it seems so industrial to have in your kitchen. How much trash are you making?
20:27 H. Foley? You gotta, that's like you put a fucking car in there after you murdered somebody.
20:32 Speaker 02 It's what they got in the back of supermarkets.
20:33 H. Foley? I always wanted one of those things.
20:35 Speaker 02 What?
20:35 H. Foley? The car crusher.
20:36 Speaker 02 Uh huh. Where are you gonna put that in your fucking apartment? What are you talking about?
20:39 H. Foley? Talking about feeling rich.
20:40 Speaker 02 Always wanted one. It's not a Zippo.
20:43 H. Foley? I just thought it was cool to see that.
20:45 Speaker 02 Yes, yeah, yeah, I agree with you.
20:47 H. Foley? Unless you were in there.
20:48 Speaker 02 Very cool.
20:48 H. Foley? With a marker. Open marker.
20:51 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
20:52 H. Foley? Oh, and on the street.
20:53 Speaker 02 Sure, I got you. You're really painting yourself to be quite the criminal this episode. As a guy who used to do pills in his room. Yeah, you know, I'm in the Bloods, the Crips. Uh, you know when you go to the trap house and they got the trap doors?
21:05 H. Foley? I know, you used to move a little weight, you know? Trying to relate to you.
21:08 Speaker 02 I know, you put on a little weight.
21:10 H. Foley? Hey, talking about downpounds. Somebody stole the key. Anywho.
21:18 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
21:18 H. Foley? Let's get into it.
21:19 Speaker 02 Yeah, so this, uh, this originally, uh, cause I was complaining about, uh, you know, we, my wife shops a lot at, uh...
21:28 H. Foley? Home Goods.
21:29 Speaker 02 Uh...
21:30 H. Foley? Timu.
21:30 Speaker 02 Marshalls, yeah.
21:31 H. Foley? Adam and Eve.
21:33 Speaker 02 Easy does it. She shops a lot at Marshalls. Stuff for the house. A lot of these broads are doing it now. You go to Marshalls and that's the kind of store where it's like, I get, you can get an odd and an end and something okay, but... She bought these cheap, and we've talked about it, she bought these cheap bath mats.
21:49 H. Foley? Right.
21:50 Speaker 02 Right? And then I get out of the shower, she got in the shower earlier, uh, than me. And then that's soaked and it just, it's like stepping on a wet dog. And you're like, and I go, this sucks. And I was complaining about this and a homie wrote in and he goes, get a bath mat stone.
22:08 H. Foley? Right.
22:09 Speaker 02 Right? Which it's like, it's more of like, it's like a piece of slate and it like dries quicker, it doesn't absorb it.
22:14 H. Foley? Don't you slip though?
22:15 Speaker 02 No, I guess. I don't have it, but then...
22:19 H. Foley? Couldn't afford it.
22:19 Speaker 02 It was this thing where this was the impetus of this was, I got, as I was getting in the shower, I stepped on the wet, cold thing and I went, "I can't do this anymore." I'm getting that stone, because he's like, "I did it and I never looked back."
22:30 H. Foley? Huh.
22:30 Speaker 02 So that's like, that in my head of like, "Yeah, you can do these little things around the house to feel classy."
22:36 H. Foley? Right.
22:36 Speaker 02 Right? And now it's like, "Hey, this one's, this is $29.99, I done it, I've never looked back."
22:40 H. Foley? Yeah.
22:40 Speaker 02 Type thing. And it takes a lot of dirt bags to realize you can, you know, round these corners.
22:46 H. Foley? Touch these things, make it feel good.
22:47 Speaker 02 These little, what are, you know, these little things that everybody does throughout the day, the week.
22:52 H. Foley? Feel like a rich guy.
22:53 Speaker 02 To feel, just go like, "Yeah, that makes me feel nice."
22:55 H. Foley? I felt that with the, um, with the cutting board that I had.
22:58 Speaker 02 Yes, cutting board's big.
22:59 H. Foley? But then it warped. Now it just sits in the corner.
23:02 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
23:02 H. Foley? So I didn't take care of it. I didn't get to take care of it.
23:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:05 H. Foley? Fucking pain in the, "I gotta fucking lube this thing up."
23:10 Speaker 02 I don't interfere with your schedule of lubing other things up?
23:13 H. Foley? Yeah.
23:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:14 H. Foley? Aquaphor's a precious commodity to follow, asshole.
23:18 Speaker 02 My carrots taste like KY jelly. Um, this one, so every, so we asked Patreon to write in with the things that you've done or you bought, like the little things that you've done to feel like a little, to feel, give yourself a little bit of class.
23:33 H. Foley? Yeah, a little sharp.
23:34 Speaker 02 This one is great, and I never thought about it. This is from Hugh Jazz, $10 soul sister.
23:40 H. Foley? Hello.
23:41 Speaker 02 Dimmer switches in the bathroom.
23:43 H. Foley? Ooh.
23:44 Speaker 02 Talk about the foul freak. Well, just even in the middle of the night, you just go, "Give me a little bit. Give me a, give me a smidge. Soften it."
23:53 H. Foley? Yeah.
23:54 Speaker 02 Because it's like fluorescent, you're in there.
23:57 H. Foley? I like sometimes too. This isn't a sexual thing.
24:00 Speaker 02 Sounds like it's about to be.
24:03 H. Foley? I like to take a shower with two or three guys.
24:08 Speaker 02 I just watch them, take notes.
24:12 H. Foley? So I have two lights in the bathroom. One is the light over the sink, like you know, the thing. And then the other one is the overhead light with the fan connected to it. Which I like noise when I'm in there, because I like to feel like I have a little privacy.
24:26 Speaker 02 Sure, of course.
24:27 H. Foley? Growing up in a repressed Catholic household, trying to whack off in the bathroom. You always felt like fucking, you know.
24:33 Speaker 02 You're singing in there, acting like you're in the shower. Fly me to the moon.
24:39 H. Foley? I always felt like the Monsignor was waiting near the side of the door, like, what are you doing in there?
24:44 Speaker 02 Given the Catholic Church, he might have been. Alright, we're going edgy today, boys.
24:48 H. Foley? Getting ready for you, Father.
24:49 Speaker 02 Taking everybody down. Yeah, hit me.
24:53 H. Foley? But I sometimes like it, I like to take a shower sometimes, not in the dark, but like, taking a shower with like the lights.
24:59 Speaker 02 It's not like, fuck, you're going into the fucking OR.
25:01 H. Foley? Yeah.
25:02 Speaker 02 You know what I mean? It's not so medicinal.
25:03 H. Foley? Yeah, it's, nah, you put a little, like one of those menthol things down on the floor.
25:08 Speaker 02 They're nice, right?
25:09 H. Foley? Yeah, just relax a little bit. So I like that with the, uh...
25:12 Speaker 02 A little bit of self-care.
25:13 H. Foley? Yes.
25:14 Speaker 02 It just softens it.
25:15 H. Foley? Because not that long ago, I have a candle in there and I lit a candle to take a shower. And then I forgot about it.
25:21 Speaker 02 Oh my God.
25:22 H. Foley? I woke up the next morning.
25:23 Speaker 02 What? Whole, whole block in Queens.
25:28 H. Foley? I woke up the next morning to do my business in there and I'm sitting down, like, man, it smells really good in here. And I looked over and the fucking candle was still going. Yeah. So, that's out. But if I had a dimmer in there.
25:44 Speaker 02 Why isn't that standard? Dimmer switches arguably are the same, they're what, $2 more? Take a little bit more of fucking 20 minutes of labor, maybe? Why isn't that standard?
25:55 H. Foley? A lot of hotels have them now, which is nice. Dim the lights a little bit.
25:59 Speaker 02 A little bit, just a little smidge. Because I only got my, you know, I live in an old, the apartment's an older apartment.
26:05 H. Foley? Well, you just had the bathroom redone. You didn't get that put in there?
26:08 Speaker 02 Those, yeah, those dimmer switches are. I'm saying that the apartment, though, there's just only one. I mean, it's a pretty old shitty pre-war building. There's one fluorescent fucking light.
26:17 H. Foley? Probably a work light hanging in that joint.
26:18 Speaker 02 Swinging.
26:21 H. Foley? That's always sounding like syrup.
26:23 Speaker 02 I got one in the basement.
26:25 H. Foley? Yeah, work light?
26:25 Speaker 02 The rope, no, not the work light, but the rope light.
26:28 H. Foley? Oh.
26:28 Speaker 02 Still.
26:29 H. Foley? Zodiac.
26:30 Speaker 02 Man. The fucking, the fucking crow hop I take to the, to the, to the bottom of the stairs.
26:39 H. Foley? Very nice, man. Shout out to you. That's not a dimmer switch in there. Get it low. Get in there, take a nice hot shower, soap yourself up.
26:48 Speaker 02 Not bad. Okay, he does it. What the fuck? Sending yourself a dozen flowers. Uh, this one's from Zach. Small individual salt and pepper shakers for each person at the table.
27:00 H. Foley? What? You stole them?
27:01 Speaker 02 He says, "My grandma always used to have them and now she, and once she kicked, we took over the tradition." Find out what the tiny, like the little ones you would get at like, uh...
27:10 H. Foley? I know, yeah.
27:10 Speaker 02 Sometimes they have them at like airports, room service or something like that.
27:13 H. Foley? That's very nice.
27:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, that probably set you back a total thirty bucks.
27:19 H. Foley? Yeah.
27:20 Speaker 02 Makes you just feel a little...
27:21 H. Foley? Seems like an estate dinner or something like that.
27:24 Speaker 02 Yes. Why not have those?
27:25 H. Foley? I don't use that much salt and pepper to be honest. At the table.
27:28 Speaker 02 It doesn't matter. It makes, it makes you feel nice.
27:31 H. Foley? It does.
27:31 Speaker 02 Little, I'd use a little bit more pepper.
27:34 H. Foley? Yeah, I'm gonna start using more salt and pepper.
27:35 Speaker 02 I think we can peel back on the Zodiac.
27:37 H. Foley? Just a little, you know, a little dash. What do you got?
27:39 Speaker 03 Five bucks for one, so yeah, you know.
27:41 H. Foley? Yeah, I like that.
27:42 Speaker 03 Thirty bucks.
27:43 Speaker 02 Little things.
27:43 H. Foley? Very classy.
27:45 Speaker 02 If I went over to your house and you had those, I, I, I wouldn't stop telling people.
27:50 H. Foley? Really?
27:51 Speaker 02 I'm not coming over, buddy. You got them in the shower? Yeah, we can keep them in the shower.
27:56 H. Foley? Kill slugs. And a porch.
27:59 Speaker 02 Um, alright, let's see here. Um...
28:05 Speaker 02 This is from Nick, ten dollar union delegate. A king size comforter on a queen size bed.
28:11 H. Foley? Ooh.
28:14 Speaker 02 I gotta give that to you. Says it looks a little shabby.
28:17 H. Foley? When it's laying there, when it's hanging off the side.
28:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, but who cares? I mean, strangers aren't in your bedroom. You know what I mean? Like, company's not really going in your bedroom. And if you do, if you're giving the tour, say, "Yeah, we got a queen size. Here's a little trick. Do the king size comforter." Game changer. You're not fighting over, you don't get lost in it.
28:36 H. Foley? You wrap yourself up in it. I'm a big wrapping myself up in the, I like lifting up the, the comforter and getting that, that corner in between my legs, so I can rub my piggies together. I proper shake my foot to go to sleep now.
28:49 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
28:50 H. Foley? And sometimes I wake up and it's still shaking.
28:54 Speaker 02 Burning calories, that's good. That's probably why you look so good.
28:58 H. Foley? I just need a little color, I'll be alright.
28:59 Speaker 02 Guys are running from something.
29:02 H. Foley? Sleeping with my sneakers on.
29:03 Speaker 03 I think I'd rather do that European thing where you have like the two twin.
29:08 Speaker 02 The two twins, that's also very classy. Again, but doesn't look amazing undone. Like when you're making the, when you're making the bed, it doesn't look as what, as good as the one that fits the bed. So I'm okay with the king as well. I, it's all, that's.
29:22 H. Foley? Really cuts down the hotboxing capabilities, though.
29:25 Speaker 02 What? The double? Yeah, you're a real, you're a real treat.
29:30 H. Foley? You're a romantic.
29:30 Speaker 02 Uh-huh.
29:32 H. Foley? Your old Dutch oven, you know, talking about, kid?
29:36 H. Foley? I'm gonna gas it myself. Now, you don't fart. Sir?
29:42 Speaker 02 Man, this is all projection. I didn't say anything.
29:45 H. Foley? Very good.
29:46 Speaker 02 Uh-huh.
29:47 H. Foley? And once again.
29:48 Speaker 02 And no, I don't. I go to the doctors once a week and they suck 'em out.
29:55 Speaker 02 Shout out to Hetna.
29:56 H. Foley? Talking about feeling classy, huh?
29:59 Speaker 02 I don't fart no more. Um, this is a big one that I don't have. Ver- this is.
30:11 H. Foley? Can I guess?
30:12 Speaker 02 Sure.
30:12 H. Foley? Who's it from?
30:14 Speaker 02 Do you really, I didn't, I didn't, it's, it's from He's Just A Fat Bitch.
30:19 H. Foley? Walked right into that one, folks.
30:21 Speaker 02 I, I swear to God, that's.
30:24 H. Foley? If you don't know.
30:25 Speaker 02 You can't, you can't write that.
30:26 H. Foley? That's Luke's mantra for me when I'm annoying him. He just says in his head over and over, "He's just a fat bitch, he's just a fat bitch."
30:31 Speaker 02 I think annoying's a soft term in that. I think it's when you're.
30:35 H. Foley? Really annoying him. Bothering him. Driving him crazy.
30:40 Speaker 02 But that, that also, that then puts the onus on him of like, you're like.
30:43 H. Foley? When I'm being an asshole.
30:44 Speaker 02 Yes, when you're being an asshole, intentionally a lot of times, uh, he'll reiterate that.
30:51 H. Foley? Right. I'm aware with the processes. Anywho, towel warmer.
30:57 Speaker 02 No, fuck. It's in the kitchen, in the kitchen.
31:00 H. Foley? Garbage disposal.
31:01 Speaker 02 No.
31:02 H. Foley? Um, the knives in the, in the block.
31:06 Speaker 02 No, classy, though.
31:08 H. Foley? Uh, meat slicer.
31:09 Speaker 02 Uh-uh, what?
31:12 Speaker 02 Who are you Richie Rich?
31:14 H. Foley? McDonald's. Um, what does it pertain to? Oh, the refrigerator in the wall.
31:20 Speaker 02 No. Classy though.
31:23 H. Foley? Very. Ice machine. Butler. Solid gold floor. Um, the griddle in the middle of the range.
31:31 Speaker 02 Nice.
31:32 H. Foley? Is that it?
31:33 Speaker 02 No, but that's nice. That's not, nobody submitted that. But I have, well, my new, I bought the new stove it has.
31:38 H. Foley? Really?
31:38 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:39 H. Foley? You make hotcakes?
31:40 Speaker 02 It's got the...
31:41 H. Foley? Well, come over, I have a little breakfast.
31:43 Speaker 02 I guess it doesn't. It doesn't. It's got the big oval burner in the middle.
31:48 H. Foley? Oval?
31:49 Speaker 02 For that. For I guess you can put a grit, like a griddle tray on. I don't have the griddle tray. That's my life story. I got something kinda cool and then I'm missing some, it's either broken or I'm missing something to make it functional.
32:00 H. Foley? Patty has the plug-in hot pot.
32:02 Speaker 02 I love that.
32:03 H. Foley? The, it's like, it's a separate thing.
32:05 Speaker 02 The griddle.
32:05 H. Foley? Yeah.
32:06 Speaker 02 We got one down the shore, cause like...
32:07 H. Foley? It's from the 70's.
32:08 Speaker 02 There's 20 people waking up and it's like, you can just throw all the bacon on that, you can throw all the eggs on that. I love that.
32:14 H. Foley? Get it going.
32:15 Speaker 02 They're like 19 bucks. Cook for a fucking army.
32:18 H. Foley? Patty does strips of bacon with, um, pancake mix poured over it for the kids.
32:22 Speaker 02 Whoa.
32:23 H. Foley? Yeah, they love it. They love it. Gives me heartburn like a motherfucker.
32:27 Speaker 02 You're getting it right now as you're thinking about it.
32:28 H. Foley? Yeah, it kills me.
32:30 Speaker 02 Uh...
32:30 H. Foley? Bacon in the morning crushes my heartburn. I can't do it anymore.
32:34 Speaker 02 I just saw something, I don't know if it was fake or not, but bacon's been listed to like a level 2 carcinogen.
32:38 H. Foley? So is lunch meat, level 1 carcinogen, carcin- carcin- cancerous.
32:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
32:44 H. Foley? Yeah.
32:44 Speaker 02 Esophageal.
32:45 H. Foley? Yeah, bad. So that's it, it's out. Grass, grass-fed beef?
32:51 Speaker 02 Just group 1.
32:52 H. Foley? Fresh fruit. That's all you can eat. And you gotta do that stuff that Breckin does. The NADs and the, uh, RHOs. All that stuff. The college into this, to that. Plus that Laird Hamilton. He got a lot of stuff going too.
33:07 Speaker 02 Okay.
33:07 H. Foley? He a good-looking dude. You know Laird Hamilton?
33:09 Speaker 02 Of course.
33:10 H. Foley? Yeah, guy's a machine.
33:11 Speaker 02 Yeah.
33:11 H. Foley? He don't drink.
33:13 Speaker 02 A lot of them don't.
33:14 H. Foley? Get to a certain point.
33:17 H. Foley? Kevin?
33:20 Speaker 03 What's the point of it all, man?
33:23 Speaker 02 Can't get fucked up. What are you even doing this for? How am I fucking...
33:27 H. Foley? Trying to get my whistle wet.
33:29 Speaker 02 I literally, I remember working so hard while being in New York of being like, if I can just get to the point where I can have some pops on a Wednesday, and not get up and have responsibility. That's the whole fucking thing. This is all it's been about. I come from a family where the, where the open time gets filled with drinking. You have some beers. You got nothing to do tomorrow? Let's have some beers. Oh, fucking something just canceled? Let's have some beers. Work's over, have some beers. You know what I mean?
33:58 H. Foley? Work's almost over?
33:59 Speaker 02 Have some beers.
34:00 H. Foley? Couple of desk beers. What's the, uh, what am I missing here? Wait.
34:05 Speaker 02 I knew you could, you can't take the answer.
34:07 H. Foley? Is it a utensil?
34:08 Speaker 02 No.
34:09 H. Foley? Is it?
34:10 Speaker 02 It's part of the, it's like a feature in the kitchen, kind of.
34:13 H. Foley? The fucking, uh, the, the hose that comes out that fills up the pot of water.
34:17 Speaker 02 No, but that's also on there.
34:18 H. Foley? And you have that?
34:19 Speaker 02 I have that, but it puts out brown water.
34:21 H. Foley? Ugh!
34:22 Speaker 02 Again, again, I got something, and I, as a plumber, as a-
34:25 H. Foley? Good thing you're boiling it.
34:26 Speaker 02 As somebody who's worked in plumbing, I don't know how that happens. It's the same water.
34:30 H. Foley? It's the pipes. You gotta clean them out. It's rusty pipes in there because you don't use it enough.
34:35 Speaker 02 I know, but it's copper. And copper shouldn't be rusty.
34:38 H. Foley? You have copper?
34:39 Speaker 02 All domestic water has to be copper.
34:41 H. Foley? Is that true?
34:42 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
34:42 H. Foley? That's good stuff.
34:43 Speaker 02 I mean, I think, I, maybe I, I don't have, I, listen, okay. I believe in this, back when I was banging in the ci- I'm sure things have changed. In the city of Philadelphia, all domestic water had to be copper.
34:54 H. Foley? And my favorite movie, Moonstruck, Mr. Castorini only uses copper. He was a plumber.
35:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, they have to.
35:01 H. Foley? Oh. It was the eighties, I don't know. You know what? Amy Schumer lives in that house that they filmed Moonstruck in?
35:08 Speaker 02 I've never seen it, but the one in Brooklyn Heights.
35:10 H. Foley? Yes.
35:10 Speaker 02 Yeah. I lived right down the block from that for-
35:13 H. Foley? For like a week.
35:14 Speaker 02 Four weeks.
35:14 H. Foley? Man, you really pushed that narrative. Like you were, like you were a tech billionaire living in Brooklyn. They were fucking fumigating your apartment for roaches or something like that.
35:24 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
35:24 H. Foley? You were trying to impress your, uh, your new bride.
35:27 Speaker 02 It worked.
35:27 H. Foley? Yeah.
35:28 Speaker 02 No, he wasn't my new bride.
35:29 H. Foley? You weren't even married yet?
35:30 Speaker 02 No.
35:31 H. Foley? Living in sin, huh?
35:35 Speaker 02 You get whatever's coming to you.
35:38 H. Foley? I wonder if brown water coming out. Lucky it ain't blood.
35:41 Speaker 02 Man, that is one thing, if that's like the not having, having kind of the cool thing that doesn't get there is my life story. We tried it once, it came out brown.
35:53 H. Foley? Oh, you're filling up the pot in the sink like a loser.
35:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, uh, I don't boil that much water. Um, it's also like a little.
36:02 H. Foley? An archway.
36:04 Speaker 02 No, soft closed door drawers and cabinets.
36:07 H. Foley? This is what it is?
36:08 Speaker 02 Yeah.
36:08 H. Foley? That's great.
36:10 Speaker 02 I remember seeing them. That's like a thing that's probably not that much more expensive now than if you're getting a new kitchen. That like, oh yeah, it might be an extra whatever. I'm sure it's more expensive, obviously, but.
36:27 H. Foley? Do you have any fights?
36:28 Speaker 02 Time to go to be like, that's just gonna.
36:31 H. Foley? This might be a stretch, but I wonder how many, it's gotta be a number. How many families that saved?
36:37 Speaker 02 That's, that has to be a comedian's bit, being mad trying to fucking slam the drawers.
36:43 H. Foley? And you can't, you can't do it. That probably saves a lot of fights. You know what I mean? That turned into arguments, separation, divorce, kids crying, family upset.
36:54 Speaker 02 We had these, uh, I guess it was the early technology to the soft clothes is we had these brown little soft pads on the corners of the drawers.
37:05 H. Foley? They'd fall off.
37:05 Speaker 02 That me and Danny would rip them off and just like play and like, you know, they would like, dude, it was like my mom.
37:12 H. Foley? The squishy ones were the best.
37:14 Speaker 02 They were, they were the squishy, they were the little brown squishy jocks.
37:16 H. Foley? Couldn't help yourself.
37:17 Speaker 02 Oh, man. And we'd be like, well, she doesn't use this one that often. And we'd like rip them off and like take, you could take like one off and it would still, but then with, man, and she. The hell's doing, you know, me and Dan get them all over her face. We're playing leopards.
37:31 H. Foley? I don't feel good.
37:33 H. Foley? Trying to get out of school? We have one cabinet that closes, is that a cabinet? Yeah, one cabinet that closes snaps every time you close it. Sounds like a firecracker going off.
37:44 Speaker 02 Yeah.
37:45 H. Foley? Trying to get a little chalky milk in the middle of the night, undetected, bust you cold.
37:49 Speaker 02 Uh huh, like an old, like an old car door.
37:52 H. Foley? Two seconds.
37:52 Speaker 02 Like an old taxi cab.
37:53 H. Foley? Yeah, two seconds, my dad be at the top of his stuff, "What are you doing? You just ate, in there again?"
37:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, wrong, guy's got a point.
38:00 H. Foley? You come down, have a little snack together.
38:01 Speaker 02 Uh, my mom currently has, uh, again, so that house, that house is like thirty something years old, thirty-five years old at this point.
38:10 H. Foley? Isn't that crazy?
38:11 Speaker 02 With like...
38:11 H. Foley? That's a new house to me. Like, I look at your house and I'm like, "That's a brand-new house."
38:16 Speaker 02 My, my house is older, I mean, if you think about it, I was saying to somebody, "How old is it?" I'm like, "I think it was built in the sixties, late sixties, early seventies."
38:23 H. Foley? Yours?
38:24 Speaker 02 My house.
38:25 H. Foley? Oh, oh, no, not your house, I meant your mom, when I say your house, I mean your mom's house.
38:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, how the, I mean, okay.
38:31 H. Foley? That's from my head.
38:32 Speaker 02 I'm somewhat of a guy trying to be an adult. My house is my house.
38:37 H. Foley? That was built in the sixties?
38:38 Speaker 02 I believe so, maybe seventy-one or something like, I don't know anything about the house.
38:42 H. Foley? Brett Foreman.
38:43 Speaker 02 Um, but, that's old, I mean, think about how old's that? That's thirty, that's fifty, it's pushing sixty years old.
38:50 H. Foley? My mom's house was built in the fifties.
38:51 Speaker 02 Yeah, I got a old fucking, I got a old fucking house, um, rusty pipes.
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39:56 Speaker 02 But like, all the, a lot of the stuff in my mom's is, all the, all the stuff is originally the same, like they've got new, some new appliances, all the appliances, new appliances, some carpet, some, you know, a couple of cheap coats of paint and stuff like that. Bad couch from Raymour and Flanagan, something.
40:13 Speaker 02 But, she still has a door that's been this way forever and she's got a piece, I guess she replaces like a piece of clear tape, because it doesn't close all the way, the hinge is blown out, so it's, it holds open two inches, and she's got like duct tape essentially, like packing tape, rolled up and placed, and I'm just like, there's like crumbs on the hair on the tape and shit.
40:36 Speaker 02 Looks like you're searching, you know, it looks like a crime scene, lady.
40:39 H. Foley? Pulling prints. We have the thing in a couple of doors that it doesn't quite line up, and you gotta lift it, you know? My door was like that for so long in my bedroom. My door was ripped off for a long time.
40:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:52 H. Foley? Because they'd be, yeah, they'd come in.
40:54 Speaker 02 Get your finger in your butthole and stuff like that.
40:58 H. Foley? So messy.
40:59 Speaker 02 Sodomizing yourself.
41:04 H. Foley? Looking for a hairbrush.
41:05 Speaker 02 The things, we, we had the, we had the closets, the sliding door closets.
41:11 H. Foley? Yeah, broke them.
41:12 Speaker 02 Man.
41:13 H. Foley? All the time.
41:13 Speaker 02 Those things didn't stay on track, at all. They'd be, hey, you could like swing them, they were like barn doors at one point, brutal.
41:23 Speaker 02 Um.
41:24 H. Foley? Get your finger caught in there.
41:25 Speaker 03 The soft close kitchen cabinets will add typically fifteen to twenty percent more to the cost of the cabinetry.
41:32 Speaker 02 Sure, but I'm saying like if you're getting new cabinets compared to what they were at the time, you know, they were probably double.
41:38 H. Foley? I'd assume most of them are probably that now. Just by, probably don't make the old ones anymore, right?
41:44 Speaker 02 I'm sure they do, yeah, they have to. People don't have, people don't have twenty percent extra to spend on fucking
41:49 H. Foley? That whole kitchen cabinet thing's such a racket.
41:52 Speaker 02 It is.
41:53 H. Foley? The whole thing's a racket.
41:54 Speaker 02 It is.
41:56 H. Foley? Bad.
41:57 Speaker 02 I don't get it.
41:58 H. Foley? I remember worked that contractor I worked for, that's what he did was he specialized in fucking redoing kitchens. And he had, the only reason it was profitable for him is because his wife worked for the cabinet company. And he would get like a deal or get like, uh...
42:12 Speaker 02 Sure, he'd find ten percent somewhere that he could make.
42:14 H. Foley? Yeah.
42:15 Speaker 02 I respect that, but...
42:16 H. Foley? Yeah, it was crazy. They fucking bang you over the head with that shit.
42:21 Speaker 02 Here's what we did. Trashy little facelift.
42:24 H. Foley? Stole it from the neighbors.
42:25 Speaker 02 No, um, ours were like, when we moved in, ours were pretty good, right? They were fine.
42:30 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
42:32 Speaker 02 Fifteen years old, I don't know, something. They weren't like, when, I guess when the, the previous owner, multiple owners, whoever put them in, they were like new of that time. Like on the, not higher end, but not shitty Ikea.
42:45 H. Foley? They're nice. I compliment them all the time when I go in there.
42:47 Speaker 02 Not shitty Ikea ones. We also have somebody, at some point they added, uh, shitty crown molding. Which makes them look nicer. You know what I mean? Above it and below it, so they look... The cabinets are pretty basic, but they zhuzhed up around it.
43:02 H. Foley? Put marble around it.
43:04 Speaker 03 Sprayed it in gold.
43:05 H. Foley? Falling down.
43:06 Speaker 02 Um.
43:09 Speaker 02 We got someone to come in and paint them.
43:12 H. Foley? Yeah.
43:12 Speaker 02 Yeah, got an extra probably...
43:13 H. Foley? They're like blue, right?
43:14 Speaker 02 No, red. The bottoms red, the tops white. Also go two-tone.
43:18 H. Foley? Mmm.
43:19 Speaker 02 Very nice.
43:19 H. Foley? Put a racing stripe, lightning bolt.
43:21 Speaker 03 Number three on it.
43:23 Speaker 02 Ain't first or last. Um. That guy, that's like a nice facelift. I wanna say it was like, it wasn't that much guy. One guy came, cash job, like he wasn't, wasn't like, we didn't call like fucking, you know, it was just like Steve the painter came over, taped everything up, took the doors off, sprays them, sprays the thing, out the door in fucking half a day.
43:45 H. Foley? I'm just thinking-
43:45 Speaker 02 Couple, maybe like 500 bucks, got whole new life out of kitchen, another five, six, 10 years.
43:49 H. Foley? Just thinking out loud here, if you're staying there, why don't you redo that basement? Make it a little man cave, get the cart, you know, like really hook it up.
43:56 Speaker 02 That is, I think, like every dirtbag-
43:58 H. Foley? Put a spare bedroom in there?
44:00 Speaker 02 Guy's thing. I don't need a spare bedroom. Uh, for you?
44:05 Speaker 02 Private entrance. Bilco doors? Yeah ladies, I got my own room. It's more of an apartment in my buddy's house.
44:13 H. Foley? Different mailing address.
44:17 H. Foley? Would there ever be a situation where that would happen? Where I, I had to move in?
44:21 Speaker 02 Is there a situation where you might need to move into my basement? Probably yes.
44:25 H. Foley? Yeah.
44:25 Speaker 02 Could you?
44:26 H. Foley? No, you wouldn't let it happen.
44:28 Speaker 02 In what world?
44:29 H. Foley? I'm bedridden. I'm only a head.
44:33 H. Foley? I don't eat that much.
44:36 H. Foley? You would take me in eventually. If I was on the street. You wouldn't take me in, you'd have-
44:42 Speaker 02 I can't have a street urchin walking around the kid.
44:46 Speaker 02 Eating his puffs.
44:49 Speaker 02 Did you eat his green beans again?
44:51 H. Foley? No. Come down here!
44:53 Speaker 02 You're doing-
44:56 Speaker 02 You're doing, see where it like comes out? I gotta fucking wipe it off and put it back in your mouth? That kid won't keep the carrots in his mouth. Gotta mix them with butter. Yeah, that's what they say. Butter makes him sleep or something, the fats or something, makes him snoozy.
45:07 H. Foley? He's eating butter?
45:08 Speaker 02 A lot of parents will put, uh, like, will like feed them butter at night. That's like a new trend or something like that.
45:17 Speaker 02 You got a onesie on?
45:20 H. Foley? I like that.
45:21 Speaker 02 Uh, do ya?
45:22 H. Foley? Yeah. Butter?
45:23 Speaker 02 You're doing it with spray, I can't believe it's not butter.
45:27 Speaker 02 Um, what were you saying? What'd you move in? I get if you needed to, yes.
45:31 H. Foley? Thanks, dog.
45:32 Speaker 02 I think we'd be in a position where I can, I can get you a fucking, I can rent you a condo somewhere.
45:38 H. Foley? Condo? Thanks, dog.
45:39 Speaker 02 Not in a, like...
45:41 H. Foley? Something near you. Guess I needed anything. Or got scared in the middle of the night.
45:47 Speaker 02 Yippee. Trying to sleep with me, my one. You got your blankie, you're standing at the door.
45:54 H. Foley? I assume that would have to be like a nuclear holocaust situation.
45:57 Speaker 02 What? You moving in with my, you, so...
45:59 H. Foley? Me sleeping in the bed with you and your wife one night. We'd have to be like, there'd be have to be like cops and shit outside the door. We'd be holed up.
46:06 Speaker 02 You think I'd be able to sleep with there's cops outside the door? What kind of fucking psycho are you? Where the cops are closing in on us. You brought the heat to my door and then you...
46:15 H. Foley? It's not me!
46:16 Speaker 02 And then you go, "Let's get some shut eye, everybody sack up."
46:23 Speaker 02 I mean, you're a different kind of crazy. Uh...
46:27 H. Foley? It used to be my favorite growing up, when I was a little kid, sleeping in between my parents.
46:31 Speaker 02 Now you wanna sleep between a guy, a guy and a lady who were 10 years below you? Younger than you?
46:38 H. Foley? Mentally, it's the same thing. Yeah, they had a like, it was like a thing. They like, like, I would sneak in there in the middle of the night, my dad had to wake up, "What the fuck?" He'd fucking carry me out like a fucking baby cat, fucking swinging. I got a couple of sticks in.
46:55 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, I mean, there would have to, I, I also don't know what world you survived the nuclear holocaust and it's me, you and my wife and my kid.
47:04 H. Foley? I'm all mutated.
47:07 Speaker 02 If it's not some sort of like, if, if that's the case, we gotta roll with a thing. You're only as strong as your weakest link, and I gotta be honest with you, buddy.
47:16 H. Foley? What do you mean?
47:17 Speaker 02 I'll send you out for, you know, supplies or something.
47:20 H. Foley? No mask?
47:21 Speaker 02 Yeah, whatever, yeah.
47:22 H. Foley? Give me an N95.
47:24 Speaker 02 You know.
47:25 H. Foley? What?
47:25 Speaker 02 You wouldn't last.
47:26 H. Foley? I ain't making it.
47:27 Speaker 02 No.
47:27 H. Foley? I'm out, anyway. Fucking dealing with that.
47:31 Speaker 02 Listen, things are pretty cushy now when you're struggling. I don't think if the big blast happened, you're gonna be outside trying to, you know, cook smores or something. Eating radioactive marshmallows.
47:43 H. Foley? I'll be running towards it.
47:44 Speaker 02 Um, alright, let's see.
47:47 H. Foley? Very classy.
47:48 Speaker 02 Very classy, um...
47:50 H. Foley? Doing very well for you.
47:51 Speaker 02 Also, someone added a no-slam toilet seat. Which I don't know if I've ever seen, but...
47:55 H. Foley? I have, I don't like them. Cause I'm always in a, when I leave the bathroom, I'm like, "That's not gonna go all the way down."
48:00 Speaker 02 Sure, I get that.
48:02 H. Foley? I don't trust it.
48:02 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm. I get that.
48:04 H. Foley? Yeah, it's how you get your hand caught.
48:06 Speaker 02 And then sometimes there's blowback on the bottom of that thing.
48:10 H. Foley? Ay, carumba.
48:13 H. Foley? Need to cover that up, in case company shows up. Before I've had a chance to spruce up the bathroom.
48:19 Speaker 02 I'll lift the toilet seat up, it's broken. Looks like the upside down.
48:26 Speaker 02 Um, this one's funny, this is from Zach. Can't tell me shit when I'm eating a Ferrero Rocher.
48:31 H. Foley? Oh.
48:32 Speaker 02 And he goes, "Yes, I had to look up the spelling."
48:34 H. Foley? Very nice.
48:34 Speaker 02 Very nice.
48:36 H. Foley? Very nice.
48:37 Speaker 02 Um, I do that when you make fun of me with the lint touch of sea salt.
48:41 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
48:41 Speaker 02 I get the lint touch of sea salt and a bottle of water from the fucking grocery store? Man, I, I, I, it's got the real light tin foil, it makes, it's just those little things that go, "I'm not a dirtbag." I am, not in this moment. I'm a fucking, I'm a guy trying to get his fucking act together.
49:00 H. Foley? Sure.
49:00 Speaker 02 Me and rich guys, we share, we share the same chocolate bars, you know what I mean?
49:05 H. Foley? I don't have lint, though.
49:07 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm a dirtbag, it's not crazy.
49:08 H. Foley? Ferrero Rocher.
49:09 Speaker 02 I'm just saying it feels classy. It feels classy, that's all I'm saying.
49:13 H. Foley? I think anybody with, uh...
49:15 Speaker 02 It's got a thick cardboard, a thick cardboard, it's not that fucking, not that plastic that just like a Butterfinger or something. Class, multiple layers of packaging, they think about it, that's what makes you feel good.
49:25 H. Foley? Anybody with candy out, I think is very classy.
49:29 Speaker 02 Like at the house?
49:30 H. Foley? Yes, that's not, uh, that's not...
49:32 Speaker 02 Is it to you that shows restraint?
49:34 H. Foley? One.
49:35 Speaker 02 Where like, "Oh, these people have their shit together."
49:37 H. Foley? Shows restraint, my brother has that. Their orange sour balls, too, they're fantastic.
49:44 Speaker 02 But he loves seeing you coming over.
49:46 H. Foley? Yeah. I had one at Christmas. They're so old. You had them that long? I would've went through them.
49:52 Speaker 02 Are they hard candies?
49:53 H. Foley? Hard candy.
49:54 Speaker 02 Hard candy don't go bad.
49:55 H. Foley? Well, they're a little chewy. But still delicious.
50:00 Speaker 03 I like walking around with like a Mountain Valley Spring bottle, one of those glass water bottles.
50:04 Speaker 02 Someone said Pellegrino at the house for dinner will make you feel like, you know, you got it. Yeah. I agree with that.
50:11 Speaker 03 Actually, I did that on Valentine's Day. I bought a couple Mountain Valley Spring bottles because we were doing it at home. And had those as our water for that, for the night.
50:19 Speaker 02 I'm a little, my, my wife does them, the, the Gero Steiners.
50:24 H. Foley? They're great.
50:24 Speaker 02 She, it's what she, can you get me a Gero? I mean, those things are like fucking five bucks a clip. She's going through them like they're fucking quarter waters. I'm like, lady, you ain't fucking made of money. You know what I mean?
50:36 Speaker 02 I got a fucking baby we gotta plan for. I gotta fucking, I gotta pay for the no slam drawers. Killing me. Um, this is a subtle one, but it makes sense because the, the, the generations of this appliance. This is from Commando Brando, fridge with the freezer at the bottom.
50:53 H. Foley? Sure.
50:54 Speaker 02 That's new, that feels like new money shit.
50:57 H. Foley? You know what's funny is that was the style, I want to say mid eighties, some people had that. But not very classy.
51:04 Speaker 02 I always thought it was the top. It went top, like the standard was top freezer, bottom fridge.
51:10 H. Foley? My, my cousins had it in the bottom and it wasn't very classy. But then that went away and now it's back, right? That at the bottom.
51:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:22 H. Foley? I'm sorry. It also wasn't too open and it down at the bottom. It was a door that opened like that and then the freezer was down at the bottom like a broiler.
51:30 Speaker 02 Oh, that's a little different. Yeah. That's a little, that's more like ice chesty kind of, you know what I mean?
51:36 H. Foley? It always froze over.
51:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:38 H. Foley? Some couple twice baked potatoes in there, like the Hoff system.
51:41 Speaker 02 Um, yeah, that's, I liked the.
51:45 Speaker 02 I think the epitome of class, which again is probably a little more attainable than it was back in the day is the wood covered, the, the, the, the fridges to match the cabinets.
51:56 H. Foley? Yeah, the, the hidden fridge.
51:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm not, I'm not saying you don't know what it is.
52:00 H. Foley? Oh, I know what it is.
52:01 Speaker 02 Sure.
52:01 H. Foley? Takes me a minute to find it.
52:03 Speaker 02 But I'll get there. I'll sniff out that freezer burn, baby. Um, yeah, that's very, um, I think somebody had that as of recent. So like,
52:15 Speaker 02 when people start getting shit done to their houses now, they, it is easier to level up with those night, those things that in my head are like super nice.
52:22 H. Foley? Yeah.
52:22 Speaker 02 But like now you're like, oh yeah, well, we're spending 40 grand to get the fucking, you know, we're remortgaging to get the, the kitchen done. Let's fucking do it right. You know what I mean? Crazy.
52:33 H. Foley? A lot of cash people do that. Refi, all that stuff. God love yous.
52:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, but it's like, when that's your home.
52:41 H. Foley? Yeah, and I get it.
52:42 Speaker 02 Home and you're like, yeah, we're gonna, you know, I, I don't know if it is smart to refi from like a, I think that guy Dave Ramsey will tell you, no, you pay it off.
52:50 H. Foley? Gordon Ramsey. Who's Dave Ramsey?
52:53 Speaker 02 Dave Ramsey's a guy that a lot of people want to have with, with, it says.
52:57 H. Foley? Is that that old guy that yells at everybody?
52:59 Speaker 02 He doesn't yell, but he's stern. He's the.
53:01 H. Foley? Gray hair?
53:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, bald, but he's like bald glasses, southern. He's a, let me just show you, um.
53:11 H. Foley? I mean, the, the, the.
53:12 Speaker 02 This guy, the finance guy. You're gonna tell me you didn't pay off your house? You call in, you go, hey,
53:18 H. Foley? No, no.
53:19 Speaker 02 It's me and my wife. We're, you know, I make a hundred thousand dollars a year. I have a, my car note is seventy thousand dollars. My house is eight hundred thousand dollars at this rate. This is what we have, what we have in savings, what we have in retirement. And he goes, you're fucking dumb.
53:35 H. Foley? But what does it all really matter?
53:38 H. Foley? Well, you get hit by a bus tomorrow or something.
53:40 Speaker 02 Or you don't. And then you're broke.
53:44 H. Foley? Living at your place.
53:46 Speaker 02 Then I'm sleeping with you and your wife.
53:49 H. Foley? It's okay by me.
53:50 Speaker 02 Sure, I'm sure it is.
53:51 H. Foley? Work on your snoring, obviously.
53:53 Speaker 02 Uh huh. And what are you gonna do? And I need an outlet for my CPAP.
53:57 H. Foley? Yeah. And none of that, you sleeping in your boxers. You'll have to wear pajama, full pajamas.
54:02 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
54:03 H. Foley? Yeah.
54:04 Speaker 02 Okay.
54:04 H. Foley? And I'm on the outside of the covers.
54:08 Speaker 02 Alright.
54:09 H. Foley? So I'm getting that straight.
54:10 Speaker 02 Sure.
54:11 H. Foley? So this weekend?
54:13 Speaker 02 So do I get my own key here?
54:18 Speaker 02 What's the security code? Um, no, but this guy gives you the rundown of like, this is what you, and his big thing is like, don't get the slam proof cabinets. It's like, get out of debt completely and live that way. Like, you don't like, buy a 98 Corolla that'll last you a fucking 200,000 mile, like that kinda shit. Really, you know, all that stuff that you're doing.
54:44 Speaker 02 Luke, hit me. Q I roll.
54:47 Speaker 02 Uh, alright, let's see here. This one is from Ayana, corn on the cob spears, the nice ones.
54:54 H. Foley? Whoa.
54:54 Speaker 02 That, like, the metal ones, the all stainless steel or something with a wood handle, not...
55:01 Speaker 02 The yellow corn cob ones are kitschy. That's fun. That's a barbecue.
55:04 H. Foley? Still got them.
55:05 Speaker 02 Yeah.
55:05 H. Foley? Yeah.
55:06 Speaker 02 But something heavy with a little bit of heft.
55:08 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
55:09 Speaker 02 Very nice. I said not too long ago, again, Marshall, a lot of this shit you can pick up at Marshalls. It'll be nice little things that'll make you feel...
55:16 H. Foley? That's very nouveau riche, though.
55:17 Speaker 02 What?
55:18 H. Foley? I would assume that, that, that, that real rich people, classy people, like, I bet you the, the Dempsey's probably never used those. Because that's like, when they're having corn on the cob, they're, you know, they're being real folks.
55:32 Speaker 03 I think when you're doing corn on the cob, like the Kennedys, it's like you're kinda slumming it.
55:36 Speaker 02 That's what, that's what he's saying. So you want the yellow, we're living like poor people where we're going. I'mma eat my corn.
55:42 H. Foley? They wanna hold the corn like that.
55:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. Luke, in your house, what did you, what was, I mean, cause you're also significantly younger, so like,
55:52 Speaker 02 nicer stuff was a little more affordable, attainable.
55:54 H. Foley? We do need to get eyes on the Dempsey domicile.
55:56 Speaker 03 It's funny, my mom just invited us for the free, whenever, like this summer or something, to shoot a video down.
56:01 Speaker 02 When she's not there?
56:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, when they're not there.
56:03 H. Foley? Wow, what the fuck?
56:04 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, dude.
56:04 Speaker 02 How would you call your parents? Ma, we're tankin'.
56:07 H. Foley? I don't wanna go when, when they're not there.
56:09 Speaker 02 I wanna sleep in your bed, above the covers, obviously.
56:12 H. Foley? That would be...
56:14 Speaker 03 Mr. and Mrs. Dempsey, I threw up. Can I sleep in that with you?
56:17 Speaker 02 You got a big boner.
56:21 H. Foley? That would be very therapeutic for me.
56:23 Speaker 03 Uh, 61, both of them.
56:25 H. Foley? That'd be very therapeutic for me.
56:27 Speaker 02 And how old are you?
56:27 Speaker 03 Um, 28.
56:28 Speaker 02 So he's closer to your parents, for sure.
56:29 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah. I'm 28. Um, they did do this.
56:33 H. Foley? What?
56:34 Speaker 02 I was just doing math, man, relax.
56:36 H. Foley? Fine. I'm, it's gonna be 50.
56:39 Speaker 02 I know, I know your birthday.
56:41 H. Foley? Yeah.
56:41 Speaker 02 Coming up.
56:42 H. Foley? That's right.
56:44 Speaker 02 March 18th, 1976.
56:48 H. Foley? That's right. It's not right. I'll expect a gift nonetheless.
56:52 Speaker 02 Okay.
56:52 H. Foley? 50th birthday, you should be throwing me a big party.
56:55 Speaker 02 Uh huh. A bar, do you want to add?
56:58 H. Foley? Can't.
56:58 Speaker 02 I know. Uh.
57:01 Speaker 02 I'll take you out to dinner.
57:02 H. Foley? Yeah.
57:03 Speaker 02 See, this is what, see, and then you say I'm a bad friend.
57:05 Speaker 03 We're doing something, we're doing something.
57:06 H. Foley? Let me sleep in the bed with you guys one night, help me out.
57:09 Speaker 02 You're. You are. It's beginning to get borderline creepy.
57:16 Speaker 02 I don't know, either for me or my wife, I'm not sure, but you want to taste.
57:19 H. Foley? I'll do head to.
57:21 Speaker 02 I'll give you a head, I don't care.
57:24 H. Foley? I'll do head to toe.
57:26 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
57:26 Speaker 03 Your genitals are still, our genitals are still lined up.
57:28 H. Foley? I'm a feet man.
57:30 Speaker 02 I'm a tutsy boy.
57:31 H. Foley? You wake up.
57:34 H. Foley? Who'd you be more mad if, you woke up and I was playing with your feet or your wife's feet?
57:37 Speaker 02 What dude?
57:41 Speaker 02 Hey, how will you get your life together, how about that, okay?
57:45 Speaker 02 There's a lot of things you need to worry about before mine or my wife's feet.
57:48 Speaker 03 Kippy's toenails are painted, you think you're gonna come up there?
57:56 H. Foley? Your pants, on the other hand.
57:57 Speaker 03 Uh, we actually, so it was funny, we did, we redid our kitchen around 2010, and they found this company where a lot of like homes got foreclosed on in like 2008, obviously, and there was this.
58:08 Speaker 02 This is dirtbag rich guys shit.
58:09 Speaker 03 And the new company would like gut those houses, but keep all the stuff.
58:13 Speaker 02 Wow.
58:14 Speaker 03 And then they bought that stuff.
58:15 Speaker 02 What was it?
58:16 Speaker 03 Uh.
58:16 Speaker 02 Just like all kitchen stuff?
58:17 Speaker 03 Exactly.
58:18 Speaker 02 And they retrofitted for your place?
58:20 H. Foley? Some stripper that got in over her head?
58:22 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
58:22 H. Foley? I've seen the big short.
58:25 H. Foley? You.
58:25 Speaker 02 That's your winner Raiders.
58:28 Speaker 03 And then they, yeah, they just recently redid the kitchen. It's, we'll get eyes on it soon.
58:33 Speaker 02 Nice, we'll get eyes on it.
58:34 H. Foley? I wanna go when they're there.
58:36 Speaker 03 Why?
58:37 H. Foley? I dunno, have a nice dinner with them.
58:38 Speaker 02 They clearly don't wanna do that.
58:40 H. Foley? Oh yeah.
58:40 Speaker 02 The offer was, "Hey, you can come to our house when we're not there," and they remove all the expenses. Got their child locks on it. You're pulling open, you're trying to get under the sink.
58:52 Speaker 02 Um...
58:53 Speaker 03 Plus, we can bust out the Aladelf.
58:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, Luke trying to smoke his three footer.
58:57 H. Foley? We don't smoke weed like that, dawg.
58:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm not fourteen.
59:00 H. Foley? Not going to your parents are getting fucking all sketched out.
59:03 Speaker 02 Yeah, we are. Yes, we are.
59:05 H. Foley? I'd jump out the window like that guy on DMV.
59:09 Speaker 02 Climbing up the wall.
59:11 H. Foley? Hanging on the curtains like a cat.
59:14 Speaker 02 Man, I remember watching that guy do that. You watch him ta- like, that's, that was one of those early videos where you're like, "Nah nah, just keep watching." Like, he starts wigging out and whoever you're showing gets like a little bit of a laugh, like, "Oh, look how fucked W is," like, "Just wait, dude."
59:29 Speaker 02 Like a goddamn cheetah.
59:33 H. Foley? Man, to be that high.
59:34 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm. Um...
59:40 H. Foley? Play glass can't stop you.
59:42 Speaker 02 This is, this was one of the original things from the show. This is from Michael. Tiny cups in the bathroom to brush your, for brushing your teeth. That is a, that's a thing for probably five bucks a month. It'll make you feel a little more elevated.
59:56 H. Foley? Yeah, you mean the little throwaway cups?
59:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
59:58 H. Foley? I thought you meant to pl- like, to leave it in there.
1:00:01 Speaker 02 No, I mean, I don't think so.
1:00:03 H. Foley? I think it gets...
1:00:04 Speaker 02 Yeah, that gets, that gets, the people, see, the problem is, the people, dirtbags like us, aren't gonna stay on top of cleaning, the majority aren't gonna stay on top of cleaning that cup.
1:00:13 H. Foley? No.
1:00:14 Speaker 02 So, it's like, you just take the little banger, take it, feel good, it's clean, and move on. Five bucks a month for a pack of, you can probably go to Sam's Club, get ten thousand.
1:00:21 H. Foley? You know what else is real nice? We had them for like, my mom bought them once, but the kinda cloth, kinda not cloth, paper towel, like folded napkins, they had them at the stand.
1:00:33 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:00:33 H. Foley? You know what I'm talking about?
1:00:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, like, nice restaurants will have them.
1:00:36 H. Foley? Yes. Real nice.
1:00:37 Speaker 02 Yeah. Uh, Denise, for a while, is also very telling of our, we got rid of, you know...
1:00:46 H. Foley? You know.
1:00:47 Speaker 02 Like the, in the, this is like the downstairs like powder room or whatever we called it. Is that what you guys called yours? The powder room?
1:00:53 H. Foley? I have one.
1:00:53 Speaker 02 You know, is that right? It's like a ba- the, a, a non-bath- a bathroom downstairs. So like your bathroom downstairs, you just called it the bathroom?
1:01:00 H. Foley? I have a bathroom downstairs.
1:01:01 Speaker 02 At your mom's?
1:01:02 H. Foley? There's one in the laundry room, but that's not a powder room by any stretch of the imagination.
1:01:07 Speaker 02 So the only bathroom's upstairs? The main level.
1:01:10 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:01:13 H. Foley? You'll wait your turn.
1:01:14 Speaker 02 Sounds like a bus stop. Sounds like a lube.
1:01:18 Speaker 02 Shower up for number eighty-eight. You got your football jersey on.
1:01:23 H. Foley? You better hope somebody didn't use a lot of hot water. My goddamn nephew gets in there, he's in there for forty-five minutes.
1:01:31 H. Foley? I'm in there taking a freezing shower. Using my mom's soap. Brutal.
1:01:38 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm. Piece funny.
1:01:41 H. Foley? There's a razor in there too.
1:01:43 Speaker 02 Couple of curly cues.
1:01:48 Speaker 02 Okay. Um. Uh. Another thing that somebody said that I'm trying to find exactly who it was, uh, is keeping, um, a surplus of stuff.
1:02:05 H. Foley? Oh, I gotcha.
1:02:06 Speaker 02 Hold on, let me see here.
1:02:09 H. Foley? We used to be good with that. You mean like having like a bunch of paper towels?
1:02:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:02:14 H. Foley? Bunch of stuff in a closet.
1:02:15 Speaker 02 Like stuff that you're, you don't use all of the ti- right here, this is from Dunkin' Donuts. Being all stocked up on something that you don't need that much of feels alright.
1:02:24 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:02:24 Speaker 02 If you can go, hey, I got light bulbs, we got forty light bulbs.
1:02:27 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:02:28 Speaker 02 Uh, you got the batteries, you got toilet paper. I do that from Amazon.
1:02:32 H. Foley? What's?
1:02:32 Speaker 02 You get the paper towel and the toilet paper and you go, and it might come a little too early, I go, just put it in there. We got it. We're never gonna be fucking, you know, I'm never gonna be, you know, hey, can you get the paper towel? Screaming out.
1:02:43 H. Foley? Amazon has that briefcase of batteries. They're off-brand, but it's still pretty sick. My mom's got that. We're stocked up on batteries.
1:02:51 Speaker 02 Dildos?
1:02:52 H. Foley? Huh?
1:02:52 Speaker 02 What? Librarians?
1:02:53 H. Foley? For flashlights.
1:02:58 Speaker 02 Uh...
1:03:00 H. Foley? Which having a flashlight makes you feel good.
1:03:02 Speaker 02 Does, makes you feel prepared.
1:03:03 H. Foley? Which I don't have that. I wanna get a, I wanna get a, I don't have a flashlight.
1:03:07 Speaker 02 I got, I got one, I got one in the burbs.
1:03:10 H. Foley? If shit goes down, I'm fucking, I'm gonna be like the bookie Eli, walking with a pair of sunglasses and a machete.
1:03:19 Speaker 02 Save the world?
1:03:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, my dad was big on that. Flashlight by the bed.
1:03:24 Speaker 02 By the bed?
1:03:25 Speaker 03 Yeah. He was ready to roll.
1:03:28 Speaker 02 My stepdad had a Bose sound system and a 12 gauge.
1:03:32 Speaker 03 That's ready to roll.
1:03:33 Speaker 02 A pack of pack of Winstons, ready to rock out.
1:03:36 H. Foley? Throw in a little Skinnerd as he sweep in the house.
1:03:39 Speaker 02 He put one through, he put one through your chest and then smoke a cig waiting on the cops to come.
1:03:45 H. Foley? He strikes me as the kinda guy that would put one through the door.
1:03:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, let you know.
1:03:48 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:03:49 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
1:03:50 H. Foley? Did they sleep with their bedroom door closed?
1:03:54 Speaker 02 Uh, when he came around, yeah.
1:03:56 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:03:56 Speaker 02 She didn't. She had an open door, like for us, obviously, open door policy. I mean, it was also like, you know, it was a bit scary, no dad in the house.
1:04:08 H. Foley? Oh, gotcha.
1:04:08 Speaker 02 You know what I mean? Like this bro, what the fuck she gonna do? That's why Danny got so tough.
1:04:15 Speaker 03 He's got the shotgun.
1:04:16 Speaker 02 That's why he, I mean, he, you know.
1:04:18 H. Foley? But when he came, because you-
1:04:19 Speaker 02 Danny swings first, asks questions later, because he, at fucking seven, he had to be the man of the house. Like scary haunted out.
1:04:26 H. Foley? Sitting at the kitchen table opening the mail. God damn it, Kevin. Fucking Jim.
1:04:30 Speaker 02 Uh-huh.
1:04:31 H. Foley? Um, but yeah, when he came around, that door would be closed.
1:04:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, at that point, like-
1:04:35 H. Foley? So I imagine if like I was a cat burglar and I got to that top step, he was aware, he'd probably put one through that door.
1:04:43 Speaker 02 Uh-
1:04:43 H. Foley? Hoping it was you.
1:04:44 Speaker 02 I mean, yeah, probably. I don't think I know.
1:04:48 H. Foley? My dad had that. My dad had the flashlight, he had the fucking, a weapon and all that kinda stuff. I got none of that shit. I have a knife somewhere, but I can't find it.
1:04:57 Speaker 02 Kinda butter my toast.
1:05:01 Speaker 02 Butter my dinner rolls. Um, yeah. I got a, I, I, I got a big, uh, not maglite, but a big heavy metal flashlight. I don't know where it is though. It was under the sink. My wife fucking moves all my shit. All my cool shit my wife moves.
1:05:16 H. Foley? Trying to set your ass up?
1:05:18 Speaker 02 I know. That's what it looks like. Fucking plotting ass bitch.
1:05:21 H. Foley? Takes your shotgun from underneath the bed? Fucking Denzel ad?
1:05:24 Speaker 02 Puts in blanks.
1:05:28 Speaker 02 I'm, I'm, I'm fucking blasting off. The guy's still walking towards me. What the fuck?
1:05:32 H. Foley? She's in there getting dressed.
1:05:37 Speaker 02 Uh, all right, let's see here. Um, this one's for, this is in, this is from Preston. Electric salt and pepper grinders with nine core sizes filled with pink, pink Himalayan salt and telly cherry peppercorns.
1:05:52 H. Foley? Those cherry peppercorns look real nice.
1:05:55 Speaker 02 Here's my thing. If that, you know, again, a couple of, you know, 20, 30 bucks, probably you can get that.
1:06:04 Speaker 02 What?
1:06:04 Speaker 03 My girl got one for free from work. One of the really nice like pepper shakers or pepper grinders. And it's just like, it's like $200 and it stinks kind of. You want the $20 one, I think.
1:06:16 Speaker 02 I, listen, I agree and it's all, this is per person. Like it makes this guy feel classy. Not all like, not all the shit that I like will make someone feel cl- but it's like, if you can find, if that small investment, whatever might be 50 bucks, a hundred bucks, whatever the fuck it is, but makes you, every time you cook dinner or eat dinner, you feel fucking, you feel like not a piece of shit? Go for it.
1:06:40 H. Foley? Isn't it funny how the wealthy do stay one step ahead of you though? Like that's big now with everybody is the fucking grinder.
1:06:46 Speaker 03 The electric ones, yeah. Uh, electric ones I have heard are great.
1:06:49 H. Foley? But the, but, but the rich folk, you know what they do? They have it in a little dish, the little sea salt in a dish. They do that. That's what they do now. That's I've seen on the cooking channel.
1:07:01 Speaker 02 Sure.
1:07:01 Speaker 03 The salt cellar?
1:07:03 H. Foley? Salt cellar?
1:07:04 Speaker 03 I think that's what they call them.
1:07:05 H. Foley? Like a little salt dish?
1:07:06 Speaker 03 Yeah. We just got one, they're nice.
1:07:08 H. Foley? It's something Gwyneth Paltrow does. She throws out a couple of nice meals on the Instagram there.
1:07:13 Speaker 02 You follow Gwyneth Paltrow on Instagram?
1:07:14 H. Foley? I see her reels every once in a while. She does a lot of cooking. Saw her make some bacon, egg and cheese sandwich, or some sausage, egg and cheese sandwich the other day from scratch. It was pretty goddamn good.
1:07:23 Speaker 02 She made the sausage from scratch?
1:07:24 H. Foley? Made the sausage from scratch.
1:07:26 Speaker 02 These fucking way...
1:07:27 H. Foley? She's got cash.
1:07:28 Speaker 02 How the fuck you get the time? Making sausage from...
1:07:30 H. Foley? It's Gwyneth Paltrow.
1:07:31 Speaker 02 I know, I'm saying, well, I... Just go, you know, it's like, ah...
1:07:34 H. Foley? She's married to Chris Martin. You know how many fucking albums that kid sold?
1:07:36 Speaker 02 I'm not trying to throw shade. I get it, but it's like, who the fuck's... Who the fuck has time to make sausage from... You're just showing that you're better than me.
1:07:44 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:07:44 Speaker 02 Yeah. You wanna, you want me, you wanna connect with me, fucking microwave, throw some Jimmy Dean's in a fucking air fryer? Which I started doing. I started...
1:07:52 H. Foley? Sleeping in the same bed with your best friend.
1:07:55 Speaker 02 He's kissing my wife's feet. Fucking freakazoid. Um, alright, this will be the last one. This is where my lost the game. This is a $10 Christmas gifted homie.
1:08:03 H. Foley? Talk to it.
1:08:04 Speaker 02 Ah, nice. People are gifting the Patreon.
1:08:05 H. Foley? Love that.
1:08:06 Speaker 02 Very cool.
1:08:08 Speaker 02 Never had one read, and we've, we've discussed this, this, we've discussed this relatively in depth. He says, "Never had one read. I do not reuse bath towels. I bought about 20 towels at Walmart years ago and haven't looked back. No damp towels for me." 20. That's like, that's probably the number of, that you need.
1:08:28 H. Foley? One in the hamper.
1:08:30 Speaker 02 What?
1:08:31 H. Foley? He does, he, he...
1:08:32 Speaker 02 One-use hamper. You got 19 more. So you got 19 days to do the laundry. That I like. That I like a lot. Imagine, dude, it's like, that's like a hotel. Imagine every day you got a crisp, new, clean banger waiting. How much better is your day? Or how much better is your night? You take a shower and now you go home, you get fucking... I'm not using a... Dude, I used mine today. It smelled like a fucking bum's nutsack. Like, what am I doing? I got them.
1:08:56 H. Foley? It's got that mold smell on it. You know what I like to do? Just to bring this all full circle, since one of the first ones was the, the bathstone? I'm a big fan of use a towel once, and then the next time you put that on the floor.
1:09:10 Speaker 02 I like that.
1:09:10 H. Foley? I love that. It feels like you're getting off into carpet.
1:09:13 Speaker 02 But how, do you then use that again? Cause that would somehow fall back into my cycle. I think it does for you too.
1:09:19 H. Foley? It happens sometimes.
1:09:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, I'm not ju- I'm not judging you. I know, we're very similar people.
1:09:23 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:09:24 Speaker 02 That would somehow go, "Is this the one I'm...?" Nah, don't fucking imagine. It's dry. You know what I mean? That's what it is.
1:09:30 H. Foley? It's got boot prints on it.
1:09:33 Speaker 02 Covered in pubes. Alright, we gotta wrap it up, gang.
1:09:36 H. Foley? Gang, we love you so much. Remember, come see us in Austin, come see us in Tampa, come see us everywhere on the road this year. We love you and we'll see you next week.
1:09:44 Speaker 02 Peace.
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