Bein' Garbage with Jordan & Ian!

Are You Garbage presents the Queen of Trash Jordan Jensen and of course, Cousin Ian! We're talkin' traveling in pairs, making your own Yogurt and going off the rails quite a bit! You know Ian and Jordan from stand up comedy, Bein' Ian with Jordan, The Adam Friedland Show, Stavvy's World, RIP with Jordan Jensen, Kill Tony, Harland Highway, The Joe Rogan Experience, Your Mom's House, First Date and there specials "Wild Happy & Free" & "30 Minutes with Jordan Jensen! Thanks for watching Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast. Come to a live show! AYG & Friends: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ BlueChew: https://bluechew.com Dollar Shave: Visit https://dollarshaveclub.com/GARBAGE and use promo code GARBAGE for 20% off $20 or more Sheath: https://sheath.com with promo code GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:19H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:25Speaker 02

  You sure about that?

• 0:25H. Foley?

  So, shall we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're good to be classy or if they're just a big ol' piece of trash?

• 0:32Speaker 02

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:33H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in the new addition. She's upstairs in a K-hole.

• 0:38Speaker 02

  Okay. Good for her.

• 0:41H. Foley?

  That's one of our good friends on Patreon, but I can't remember the name right now. I want to say Clive Oven or Gary O, but I could be wrong. Either way, it was a fucking home run. My co-host is coming at you from a little too close, right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman, and I think he's at his wits' end right now. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 0:59Speaker 02

  What's up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, and obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. Love that money, gang.

• 1:10H. Foley?

  Yes, sir. And, gang, we could not be more excited to have two incredibly special guests back with us again today.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  It's the bugs for Men in Black.

• 1:18H. Foley?

  Sugar water. One is a rising star. One is a rising star on the comedy scene, and the other one is hanging on by a thin thread.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  What the fuck? You guys guess who's who?

• 1:31H. Foley?

  Jesus Christ, lady? One is over-medicated, one is under-medicated. We'll let you guys decide on that. You know her from her fantastic podcast, R.I.P. with Jordan Jensen, and both of them from the fantastic podcast, B and Ian with Jordan.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:47H. Foley?

  Ian Fieanz and Jordan Jensen, everybody. Respectively.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  You gotta go get paper towels already.

• 1:52H. Foley?

  Yeah, please clean this up.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  She's leaking.

• 1:54Speaker 03

  Holding on by a thread really got me.

• 1:57H. Foley?

  Get off the phone, Jordan.

• 1:59Speaker 03

  I know, I'm looking at my makeup.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  I mean...

• 2:00H. Foley?

  She's worried about it. Let her go. You're yelling at her for it.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:04H. Foley?

  And she called, she couldn't, she couldn't find Toody's. You're yelling at her on the phone. Be nice to her.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  Thank you. I'm not, I'm yelling at her on the phone.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Pushing it is great.

• 2:14Speaker 04

  I was yelling at her, I was supporting her.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  It's like, it's like we're in class and there's a substitute teacher.

• 2:23H. Foley?

  Man, talk about man. Can I say this?

• 2:27Speaker 02

  Please.

• 2:28H. Foley?

  I should probably say this off the air, but, uh, this is copyright, H. Foley. You should do an animated series where you guys, like, like Muppet Babies, but you're both pre- in preschool.

• 2:40Speaker 04

  What?

• 2:41H. Foley?

  You don't think that'd be fun? I think it'd be funny.

• 2:43Speaker 03

  I had an idea, so I'm kind of close to that.

• 2:44H. Foley?

  Yeah. There you go.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  About us being kids.

• 2:47H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 2:47Speaker 04

  That would be cool if it was animated and then our adult animated selves were in it too.

• 2:51Speaker 03

  It'd be cool if we were in it as ourselves when we're older and, but the kids' version of us as little kids, because I talked to-

• 2:57H. Foley?

  Wait, what are you guys doing there then?

• 2:59Speaker 02

  Hey guys, I gotta be honest with you, I'm out.

• 3:03Speaker 02

  I'm pulling the funding on this whole project.

• 3:04Speaker 04

  That'd be fun though, if we were animated kids.

• 3:06H. Foley?

  Like Muppet Babies.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:08H. Foley?

  But you guys are terrorizing the rest of the kids.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:11H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  He's smoking.

• 3:12Speaker 04

  Welcome back to the Goofball Brothers.

• 3:15H. Foley?

  Jordan's walking around with a gun and-

• 3:16Speaker 03

  I had, I had such a weird, when we were, we were just in LA and like Luke Bonas was in the back of the car and me and Ian were talking about-

• 3:23Speaker 02

  Do you guys travel together?

• 3:24Speaker 03

  No, it just was weird.

• 3:25Speaker 04

  No, it just works out that way sometimes.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, synchronicity stuff.

• 3:28H. Foley?

  Were you both out there at the same time separately?

• 3:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  Their cycles-

• 3:32Speaker 03

  That's happened a few times.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  Their cycles have blinked out.

• 3:34H. Foley?

  Did you have to tell the governor when you guys-

• 3:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we had to alert the media.

• 3:39H. Foley?

  That's what all the drones are about, I guess.

• 3:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It, when we fly out of Newark at the same time, they're like, "Make it turret's covered." They're gonna, they're gonna shoplift everything.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  But we were like scaring Luke, like we were talking about-

• 3:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're both crazy.

• 3:55Speaker 02

  I mean-

• 3:55Speaker 04

  We were?

• 3:56Speaker 03

  Remember how we were like talking about, maybe it wasn't there, but we were somewhere just talking about our childhoods, maybe it was a steakhouse?

• 4:02Speaker 04

  Oh, at the steakhouse, yeah.

• 4:02Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, about sexual exploration with other people when we were younger and he was like, "You guys are sick peo-" and I didn't even realize-

• 4:07H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  That's a, that's a nice way to say molested.

• 4:10H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, like I didn't realize how-

• 4:12H. Foley?

  What was weird is you were both telling the waiter this story.

• 4:15Speaker 04

  Over, over the calamari hors d'oeuvres, we were like, "Oh yeah, we were."

• 4:18H. Foley?

  What was calamari hors d'oeuvres?

• 4:20Speaker 02

  What was the steakhouse?

• 4:20H. Foley?

  What's that hors d'oeuvres, you fucking dirtbag?

• 4:27H. Foley?

  What type of hors d'oeuvres do you have here? I'm not allowed to have sugar.

• 4:35Speaker 04

  It was in between eating off other people's plates.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  And the fried pickles that you, they took away from our table and you got so mad. You were like, these aren't ours. And they took them away and you were like, oh my god.

• 4:45H. Foley?

  That is a little weird. I'll give you that.

• 4:47Speaker 04

  And I was in the middle of grabbing them while they were taking them away and they, they, we were like, no, keep them.

• 4:52H. Foley?

  It's a freebie. At that, you can't give that to another table. At that point, that's on the restaurant.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  I think it was a fancy move. Like, oh, I'm so sorry, so you don't even want to look at me.

• 5:01H. Foley?

  They're serving fried pickles? They're doing fancy moves? Come on, what are we doing here?

• 5:04Speaker 04

  It was a good steakhouse.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  What was it?

• 5:06Speaker 04

  Smokehouse.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  Smokehouse.

• 5:07Speaker 04

  Across from, uh, the Universal lot.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  The Warner Brothers.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, the Warner Brothers lot.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  And who went? You two?

• 5:13Speaker 04

  Us and we brought our son Luke.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  Your son Luke. And who picked up this bill?

• 5:17Speaker 04

  Me.

• 5:18Speaker 03

  Uh-uh, the Patreon. Why? You can't say me.

• 5:21Speaker 04

  Well, because I have the card.

• 5:22Speaker 03

  No, you do that multiple times. You've done that like three times and we get into a fight every time.

• 5:26Speaker 04

  You're right.

• 5:27Speaker 03

  You, you go, I bought food for everybody and then I go to use it.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  I respect the dirtbag move, my friend.

• 5:32Speaker 04

  The Patreon.

• 5:33Speaker 03

  I also have a Patreon card. I easily could have.

• 5:36Speaker 04

  Stop touching her. In your face. Are you pulling out your Patreon card?

• 5:40Speaker 03

  I'm quit the vape.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Oh, she's snoozing? What are you doing?

• 5:44Speaker 04

  She fucking vapes. She does these, out, these fucking tobacco packs. I rip a cigarette and she's like, you're, you're killing yourself.

• 5:51H. Foley?

  I've never seen a girl put one of those in. That's crazy.

• 5:54Speaker 04

  Have you never met Icebox?

• 5:59H. Foley?

  By the way, I saw the clip, I saw a clip with.

• 6:01Speaker 04

  Dirty knees?

• 6:02H. Foley?

  With, on your pod with her sister. Have you met the sister?

• 6:04Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:05H. Foley?

  I feel like that both of them could beat up most comedians in the city.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. She used to beat the shit out of me. So I had to get big strong.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  It's gotta be a tough broad.

• 6:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  Going toe to toe with you.

• 6:15H. Foley?

  I watched it with the lights on.

• 6:17Speaker 04

  Ever in her family's like fucking Kit from A League of Their Own.

• 6:20Speaker 03

  That was our favorite movie. I was Kit though, she was, she was. I was Dottie.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  Foley was Rosie.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:29H. Foley?

  I was a little kid with the chocolate bars.

• 6:30Speaker 04

  KJ was still well, baby. I was not Marla. Hooch.

• 6:34Speaker 02

  You are, you do have Marla vibes.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  You were Madonna.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was. I wish.

• 6:39H. Foley?

  Oh, Marla the ugly chick?

• 6:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:40H. Foley?

  She cracked dingers, though.

• 6:41Speaker 04

  Uh huh. She was a good asset to the team.

• 6:44H. Foley?

  So, hold on.

• 6:45Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 6:45H. Foley?

  Now, when you both say that you have a Patreon card, what does that exactly mean? Your business card.

• 6:50Speaker 04

  The company card. I have the company card.

• 6:52H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 6:53Speaker 04

  And I-

• 6:54Speaker 02

  I feel it's got split custody with you.

• 6:55Speaker 04

  Used it to buy us dinner, a year that ended the year dinner. No.

• 7:01Speaker 03

  I have it on my phone.

• 7:03H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 7:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, but I have the actual card.

• 7:04H. Foley?

  But it comes out of the Patreon, so that would be the company paid for dinner?

• 7:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, so the company paid for dinner.

• 7:09Speaker 03

  But he always said he did.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  I know, because in my mind, I'm the one that took the card out.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  That's not true. That's not true.

• 7:14Speaker 04

  I'm not trying to stolen valor, fucking taking money, giving money. I-

• 7:19Speaker 02

  This is the most derpy conversation.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  You are imagining who picked it up, yes.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  But we, it's the Patreon.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  And there was a woman taking photos and we convinced Ian, when he went to the bathroom, we told the woman that she could, she could come back and take photos, like, because they sell a postcard with your face. And I was convinced him that it was a big fan and she was gonna come by with a camera.

• 7:37Speaker 04

  Which I bought.

• 7:40Speaker 03

  Why do you have that?

• 7:41H. Foley?

  Did you know she was gonna talk about that?

• 7:43Speaker 04

  No, no, I didn't. It was in my bag.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 7:47Speaker 04

  Look, you can see, we have the knives up to each other and Jordan is actually sticking the knife in my throat. Marla Hooch.

• 7:54H. Foley?

  Listen, I'm not saying I've been to a lot of fancy restaurants.

• 7:57Speaker 04

  Ten dollars.

• 7:58H. Foley?

  But I don't know many where they go around with cameras, taking pictures of people, like you're on a goddamn roller coaster.

• 8:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, they were like, oh, she's a fan of yours, but she wasn't a fan of mine. I go, well, fuck her then. Fuck her.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  Was she a fan of anybody at the table?

• 8:12Speaker 04

  She didn't know who we were.

• 8:12H. Foley?

  No, she worked there and she goes around and takes pictures of you.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  I understand that.

• 8:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  No, she wasn't a fan of it.

• 8:17Speaker 04

  She was a fan of when we left.

• 8:19Speaker 03

  No, she actually hated us with a fiery pitch.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  You don't say. You guys were holding steak knives to each other's throat.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Ian was like, now will you take a picture with my phone? And she was like, I can't do that.

• 8:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, she's like, I really can't do that.

• 8:27H. Foley?

  Yeah, because she has to charge for the pictures.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  She doesn't have to do anything. She could have had the goodness in her heart to do it.

• 8:33H. Foley?

  Man, you two are something else.

• 8:35Speaker 04

  Why?

• 8:36Speaker 03

  Can I drink a glass?

• 8:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, have some. What's the matter with you?

• 8:40Speaker 02

  With who, us?

• 8:40Speaker 04

  You're not having fun?

• 8:41Speaker 02

  No, me?

• 8:44Speaker 04

  Let me try one of these robes.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  No!

• 8:46Speaker 04

  Gimme!

• 8:47Speaker 02

  The second you two walked in here, the vibes completely changed.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  In a good way, in a fun way.

• 8:52Speaker 04

  I love how I walked in.

• 8:53H. Foley?

  The plant died when you walked in.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  How do you do this? You just pop it in?

• 8:57Speaker 03

  Like this.

• 8:58H. Foley?

  Put it in your butthole?

• 8:59Speaker 03

  Upper decker.

• 9:00Speaker 04

  Upper decker.

• 9:05Speaker 04

  This is gonna make me puke.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  Aw, god.

• 9:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, it will, it will. It made me poop in a...

• 9:10Speaker 04

  Made you poop?

• 9:11Speaker 03

  It made me poop in a, um, remember when I took those antibiotics?

• 9:14Speaker 02

  If this is anywhere but a bathroom, we got a problem.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  Well, it was a bathroom, but it was in a nail salon that was four feet by four feet. And I blew it the fuck up, because I took antibiotics that day, and then this hit, and then I went into the bathroom, and I came out and I was like, Caitlin, I was there with Palufo, and she was getting nails, and I was like, we have to go, we have to go, we have to go. And she was like, I still have to dry. And I was like, we need...

• 9:32Speaker 02

  No, I have to dry.

• 9:35Speaker 03

  10 seconds. It was brutal.

• 9:37Speaker 04

  I'll tell you this, speaking of blowing up, I blew up the Denver airport bathroom. I shit so hard, it went up my back. I had to wash my clothes.

• 9:45Speaker 03

  Look at that, that's why...

• 9:46Speaker 02

  How are you two just traveling like that?

• 9:48Speaker 04

  This is great.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  You shouldn't have that many away games.

• 9:51H. Foley?

  Did you guys stay at the same hotel where you were?

• 9:54Speaker 04

  No.

• 9:54H. Foley?

  No?

• 9:55Speaker 03

  What did you stay?

• 9:56Speaker 04

  I stayed at the Ramada Window.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Quit bragging. Out by the airport.

• 10:00Speaker 04

  Dude, it's a trash hotel. I love it. The first time I ever stayed there, there was a guy on meth going to the guy at the counter.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, you.

• 10:07Speaker 04

  There's a... There's a man in my room. Look! And it was just a video of nothing. And the guy goes, sir, if this happens every week, why do you continue to stay here? Because it's cheap. And I was like, yeah!

• 10:22H. Foley?

  I like the free breakfast.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  There's a man in my room in a photo of nothing is so funny. Look at him staring at us!

• 10:29Speaker 02

  Hey, he's going, so what do you do for a living, bud? Trying to make friends with him?

• 10:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm like, there can be another man.

• 10:34H. Foley?

  Did they take your fried pickles too? And Jordan, where did you stay?

• 10:39Speaker 04

  Steph Tollefs.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  Steph Tollefs.

• 10:41H. Foley?

  Okay, you stayed with a friend, alright.

• 10:42Speaker 04

  No, she was out of town.

• 10:44H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Now, do you make yourself comfortable in a situation like that? Real comfortable? Or do you like, or you mind your Ps and Qs?

• 10:50Speaker 04

  I made myself comfortable.

• 10:52Speaker 03

  You think she's ever been comfortable, once? I ate, I ate all her honey, so I had to buy a new thing of honey and then I ate all that one too. What, you a bear? Who eats that much honey? I love honey, I love honey more than, I love honey and whipped cream.

• 11:04Speaker 04

  I have to have locks on my, on my cabinets because she comes in and eats all your honey.

• 11:09H. Foley?

  I thought you meant salmon.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  I ate all your honey.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  You really have locks on your, because of her?

• 11:15Speaker 04

  No.

• 11:15H. Foley?

  You have locks on your cabinet?

• 11:16Speaker 04

  And her.

• 11:17Speaker 03

  It works for both.

• 11:18H. Foley?

  It's a friend of yours, she, if she comes over to the house, is she allowed to have whatever she wants in the fridge?

• 11:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, but she doesn't, she just goes in and just roots through it and stuff ends up on the floor and then she's eating stuff.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Immediately, I don't say hello.

• 11:29Speaker 04

  And I'm like, that's eight weeks old, don't eat it.

• 11:31Speaker 03

  That's happened a lot, where I go and I eat his leftovers and then he turns around, it's like, no! And I'm like, and he's like, that's moldy, and I'm like, I like it, it's blue cheese now.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  When I got the new cat, Glenn, shout out Glenn, I love you.

• 11:43Speaker 02

  Is he a listener? You on the Patreon, Glenn?

• 11:47Speaker 03

  Shout out Glenn is psychotic, that is psychotic.

• 11:51Speaker 04

  So.

• 11:51H. Foley?

  He's in rehab right now, hope he's feeling better.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  Shout out Glenn, pull through buddy.

• 11:55Speaker 04

  He's got wifi, he'll check it out, he, uh, he was, stop, don't, he was, um, she can't.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  I've never, wait, this is also, I've never seen Ian in like, the mature role. It's freaking me out.

• 12:07Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Usually you're the one on a leash, you're really keeping her corralled over there.

• 12:13Speaker 04

  So, she comes over, Glenn's new, he's been there for a week, I got a water bottle.

• 12:18H. Foley?

  Glenn just started working here. He's still training.

• 12:22Speaker 04

  I got a water bottle to spray him when he goes for the food, you know, because for like, two weeks I had to eat standing in my living room.

• 12:28Speaker 02

  Sounds like you're in jail, Glenn just got here, he keeps eating my shit. I had to fight him in the bathroom.

• 12:34H. Foley?

  Glenn takes my commissary card.

• 12:35Speaker 04

  I had to walk around holding the inside of Glenn's pocket, it was really awful, so.

• 12:39H. Foley?

  Wait, what do you, wait, hold on.

• 12:40Speaker 04

  What?

• 12:41H. Foley?

  He, he goes after what food? When you're eating?

• 12:43Speaker 04

  The food on the counter, and then when I was eating, I couldn't eat sitting down because he was. would lunge at the food. He's a kitten. He was three months old. So I would have to eat standing up in my living room.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  It was psychotic. It was crazy.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  He's gotten so much better, but it was very funny because I have a water bottle. So when he was going for the food, I'd spray him and he, this thing, reached into my thing of nuts and Glenn goes to eat the thing of nuts from her hand. I spray Glenn. She grabs an orange out of my hand. I spray her. And they both scurried away to the same part of the room.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  I feel like this is how hobos hang out.

• 13:20H. Foley?

  The cat moved out shortly after this.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  I feel like I'm gonna get sick.

• 13:22H. Foley?

  What's wrong with you?

• 13:23Speaker 04

  This robe is not good.

• 13:25H. Foley?

  That was her candy cup.

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Well, she's done with it.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  I ate it immediately.

• 13:30Speaker 04

  You think the candy survived around her?

• 13:32Speaker 02

  I feel like we're out to eat with children right now. Hey, that's her candy. Get that out of your mouth.

• 13:36Speaker 04

  Do you have an iPad?

• 13:37H. Foley?

  Luke, do me a favor. Get the water bottle, will you? These two need to squirt.

• 13:43Speaker 04

  Jesus Christ.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  This is as beautifully chaotic as I expected it to be. Yes.

• 13:48H. Foley?

  Well, it sounds like you guys are doing great. To be honest with you.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  What airline did you fly out?

• 13:55Speaker 04

  Delta.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  Delta.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  Both of you Delta people?

• 13:57Speaker 03

  I flew first.

• 13:58Speaker 02

  Very nice. Liked the face throw.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:01Speaker 04

  I was...

• 14:01H. Foley?

  But you stayed at a friend's.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  I was praying for an upgrade.

• 14:06Speaker 04

  Literally in the green room at the store.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  From down with the luggage upstairs.

• 14:10Speaker 04

  Could everybody knock on wood that I get a Delta one upgrade?

• 14:13Speaker 03

  You were close.

• 14:15Speaker 04

  I was so, I was one out of like...

• 14:16Speaker 02

  Were you guys on the same flight?

• 14:17Speaker 04

  No, I flew out a day earlier than her.

• 14:20H. Foley?

  FAA rules.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  We're both not allowed to be in the air.

• 14:25H. Foley?

  There's only one marshal on the plane at a time.

• 14:28Speaker 02

  I only got one set of handcuffs. What are we gonna do?

• 14:35Speaker 03

  I wanna be more put together. How do we... Nikki Glaser went on stage last night and I had to go up after her and I felt so, I was like, different woman. This is a different woman now.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  You should've just went up as a dude. It would've been easier, an easier swing.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  It was so hard.

• 14:49H. Foley?

  Do you like flying up front?

• 14:50Speaker 04

  I'm sweating.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  I like the...

• 14:52Speaker 04

  I do.

• 14:53Speaker 03

  Lay down because I have a puppy and we snuggle.

• 14:55H. Foley?

  You bring the dog with you?

• 14:56Speaker 03

  Everywhere.

• 14:57H. Foley?

  Okay, that's nice.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:59H. Foley?

  All right.

• 14:59Speaker 03

  I just took her to the vet today. They said she's in perfect health, perfect weight, caliber, size.

• 15:04Speaker 04

  Dude, she feeds a dog eggs. It eats off the floor. It farts. It smells.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  So does Foley.

• 15:11H. Foley?

  I like the shells myself.

• 15:18H. Foley?

  Wait, are you feeding the dog only people food? Like what?

• 15:20Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 15:21Speaker 03

  No, I stopped feeding her an egg every day. Now she eats it every other day for breakfast when I have to eat my eggs. And, but no, she eats puri and a puppy chow. And sometimes she's a good girl, she gets meat.

• 15:31H. Foley?

  Gets what?

• 15:32Speaker 03

  Meat.

• 15:32H. Foley?

  Meat? It's like steak.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  And then she farts.

• 15:35Speaker 04

  Dude.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  She farted.

• 15:36Speaker 04

  And she saves them for the podcast.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  We went to Sanford, New York Comedy Club two nights ago and I gave her all the grizzle off the steak and oh, she was fart dog, but she was happy.

• 15:43H. Foley?

  What steak? Steak that you cooked for dinner for yourself?

• 15:46Speaker 03

  No. God, what?

• 15:47H. Foley?

  Where'd you get a steak?

• 15:48Speaker 03

  My kitchen is like where I keep my clothes in the oven.

• 15:52Speaker 02

  I got a blouse coming in at 350, if you need it.

• 15:54Speaker 04

  Ding, socks are done.

• 15:56Speaker 03

  It's nice, you can heat them up.

• 15:59H. Foley?

  Where'd you get the steak from?

• 16:00Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 16:01H. Foley?

  Ground.

• 16:01Speaker 03

  You know how it's, they order it from the Brazilian.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  Oh, you ordered at, in the green room?

• 16:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:07H. Foley?

  Okay. Where was this again?

• 16:09Speaker 02

  Stanford, Connecticut.

• 16:10H. Foley?

  Oh, you were in Stanford, okay.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  Great club.

• 16:12Speaker 02

  Very good club, we just did a couple weeks ago.

• 16:14H. Foley?

  Great green room. And perfect for doggies.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  Perfect for doggies.

• 16:17H. Foley?

  Yeah, one of the servers there has a little doggy. Kippy, this is BlueChew.

• 16:20Speaker 02

  Shout out to BlueChew.

• 16:22H. Foley?

  Which you could use, by the way.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  I'm hard right now thinking about it.

• 16:25H. Foley?

  Fucking limp noodle over there.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 16:26H. Foley?

  Goddamn egg noodle. Gang, listen, I can speak from experience, as you get a little older.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  A little beggar.

• 16:32H. Foley?

  You get a little beggar. All right, the blood don't really run down there the way it used to.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:37H. Foley?

  It's like an old aqueduct from the Roman times.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 16:40H. Foley?

  All right, so do yourself a favor, get some BlueChew, help yourself out, get back in the bedroom and knock the bottom out of that thing. You know what I'm saying?

• 16:48Speaker 02

  BlueChew is an online.

• 16:49H. Foley?

  Show her or him who's boss.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  BlueChew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but at a fraction of the cost and in chewable form. Processed simply, sign up at BlueChew.com, you can sell with one of their licensed medical providers. And once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. BlueChew tablets are made in the USA, I'm talking homegrown bones, baby. Uh, best part, it's all done online, no awkward doctor visits, no weird conversations, no waiting in line at the pharmacy, comes right to the door.

• 17:16H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  So BlueChew wants men to rock hard, that's what they told me. They called me up, said, hey, Kippy, we want every dude bricked up out there.

• 17:23H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  Um, they won't stop till every dude's bricked up like a brick. Every 10 is pitched, every rod is raised, discover your options at bluechew.com. And we've got a special offer for our audience. Try BlueChew for free, just pay $5 shipping at checkout when you visit bluechew.com. That's bluechew.com to receive your first month for free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank BlueChew for sponsoring this podcast, I'm hard.

• 17:47H. Foley?

  Yes, we do. Kim, you like Dollar Shave Club?

• 17:49Speaker 02

  Who don't like Dollar Shave Club at this point? That's what I want. If you're out there and you don't like Dollar Shave Club, bozo.

• 17:54H. Foley?

  I like Dollar Shave Club, I'm gonna tell you why. You got everything in one spot. You can get the razors to clean up down here. Okay, good quality razors. And you get the trimmer to clean up the beard. Not to mention you can do the bushes down there too. Clean up the front yard and the backyard.

• 18:09Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, it's fantastic. They got the Club Series 6 Blade Razor, a shave so comfy your skin will take a nap. Okay, put you down. That's six stainless steel blades for the closest, most comfortable shave. With a vitamin E infused lubricant strip for comfort. And glide and precision trimmer.

• 18:26H. Foley?

  It does feel better.

• 18:26Speaker 02

  For precise handling. Uh, they got the, uh, they got the, uh, Club Series Diamond Grip Handle, super clingy and it go away. Bada bing bada boom, feels good in your hand. Pattern grip. Designed for comfort and control, baby. Uh, Heavy Metal Handle, they got the Shave Butter, uh, which, whoo, let me tell you. Slather on a little bit of that, like a fresh turkey coming out the oven. They got the Post-Shave Do, uh, hydration without the heavy feeling on it. Uh, they got the electric trimmers, the big man said. They got it, whatever you need, they got it.

• 18:55H. Foley?

  They got it.

• 18:55Speaker 02

  If you're going bald, if you're going scruffy, whatever you want. Dollar Shave Club got you, but don't take our word for it, try it for yourself. You can visit their site right now for 20% off, $20 or more, get your products delivered right to your door. Visit dollarshaveclub.com/garbage, use the promo code garbage for 20% off, $20 or more. And remember, however you shave, Dollar Shave Club is here to help you stay handsome. Do it.

• 19:17Speaker 04

  I really wanna bring my cat on the road, that'd be so fun. That would be so nice.

• 19:23Speaker 02

  He ends up at the front desk, there's a cat in my room.

• 19:26Speaker 04

  But I got Glenn to be buds with Samson while I'm on the road. Cause Samson would get upset when I was gone. And I.

• 19:34H. Foley?

  Who's Samson now?

• 19:35Speaker 04

  My other cat. Yeah, my roommate. And so, when I come home from the road now, Samson doesn't cry, cause he's got Glenn, but I wanna take.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  He's crying when you come home from the road. Have you picked up on that? That you're back.

• 19:47Speaker 04

  Could know that he misses me.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  Ah, damn, I thought he was going for good this time.

• 19:53H. Foley?

  Glenn, I thought you changed the locks.

• 19:56H. Foley?

  Guys, quit screwing around. Daddy's home.

• 19:59Speaker 04

  I said that last night.

• 20:03Speaker 04

  Daddy's home.

• 20:04Speaker 03

  You could bring-

• 20:05Speaker 04

  Hello, boys.

• 20:06Speaker 03

  You could bring him in a crate. But then you'd have that, "No!"

• 20:10Speaker 04

  But I'm- "Oh!" I know, he'd turn Australian.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 04

  But I don't want to-

• 20:14Speaker 02

  He's playing a didgeridoo.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  I don't want to leave one of them alone. The whole reason I got Glenn-

• 20:19H. Foley?

  Bring them both.

• 20:20Speaker 04

  -is to be Samson's buddy.

• 20:20H. Foley?

  That would be cool. You'd be that comic, bring him two cats around.

• 20:23Speaker 04

  Oh!

• 20:24Speaker 02

  Really get a good rep for yourself.

• 20:25Speaker 04

  Whoa, cool!

• 20:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, but when Coyote excels in a green room, it's so much cleaner than a cat. It's like hot, smelly ammonia piss.

• 20:32H. Foley?

  Yeah, cat piss is notoriously bad for you.

• 20:35Speaker 04

  Cats piss in a box because they're polite. They don't piss in public on the floor.

• 20:40H. Foley?

  Isn't your dog a puppy?

• 20:42Speaker 03

  She's a year old.

• 20:43Speaker 04

  It's a full ground thing.

• 20:45Speaker 03

  She's perfect.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  I don't know if you guys picked up, Ian is significantly jealous of this dog right now.

• 20:51Speaker 04

  Well, I would love to take my loved ones on the road.

• 20:57Speaker 04

  So do I!

• 20:57Speaker 03

  I'm never alone. It's really nice. It deals with the codependency thing.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  They both have court-appointed pets at this point. It's like, listen, you guys need something to settle you down.

• 21:10Speaker 03

  The vet today was like, "You need your dog on a leash." And I was like, "But she likes to be naked." And they were like, "Woman, please." And she was just running.

• 21:16H. Foley?

  You don't use a leash for the dog?

• 21:18Speaker 04

  Not in the airport, not at the comedy club, not in anywhere.

• 21:22Speaker 03

  Are you gonna put a leash on your daughter? It's weird, okay? She's sma- Dude, can I tell you something and then we're gonna move on?

• 21:27H. Foley?

  Folks, real quick from Helix, um-

• 21:30Speaker 03

  Okay, let me tell you how-

• 21:31Speaker 02

  This episode's sponsored by BetterHelp, gang.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  Okay, let me tell you this because it blew my mind and I was almost crying with pride. Okay, I was in my house. I have severe OCD. I gave my dog the end of the peanut butter jar. I said, "You, I'm gonna talk to my managers. You lick that out clean." She said, "Got it." Then I came back, peanut butter jar was gone. Could not find it anywhere, triggered my OCD, had to find it, couldn't leave the house before I found it. That's why I'm late, okay? So then I finally-

• 21:54H. Foley?

  This is today?

• 21:55Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 21:56H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  It was just now. So then I was panicking and I was like, "Where's the peanut butter jar? I have to find it." And then I went, "Fuck it. Coyote." And I brought a jar out of the cupboard and I said, and I pointed to it and I went, "Where is it?" And she went, oh yeah. And she went off and found the peanut butter drawer and showed me where it was.

• 22:10Speaker 04

  Oh, that's cool.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  That's crazy!

• 22:12Speaker 04

  That's cool.

• 22:12Speaker 02

  That's pretty good.

• 22:13H. Foley?

  Did she actually say, oh yeah, I know what you're talking about?

• 22:15Speaker 03

  She looked at me like I was retarded and was like, oh yeah, it's over here. And went in that hidden corridor where she stuffed it away and was like, this is what you're talking about? Yeah. And I was like, ah!

• 22:24Speaker 04

  That's a good dog.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  Just no full panic and then just last resort being like, can you help? And she was like, yeah, bitch.

• 22:29H. Foley?

  Let me ask you this. You walk out of the, the dog's got into the bathroom. You walked a dog outside in New York with no leash?

• 22:36Speaker 03

  We get to the park and then she's unleashed. Any, if I'm around any cars-

• 22:39H. Foley?

  Is it a dog park or is it a park park?

• 22:40Speaker 03

  It's Prospect Park, big park.

• 22:42H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  It's illegal.

• 22:43Speaker 03

  It's illegal. I got a ticket the other day and I gave them-

• 22:46H. Foley?

  Not even anything about-

• 22:47Speaker 04

  People get mad and she's like, this is your problem!

• 22:49H. Foley?

  No, I'm saying it for the, I'm saying it for the safety of your dog. There could be another big dog around that you can't grab her or something like that.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  No, she's very, if a big dog is weird, she gets away.

• 22:58H. Foley?

  Or what if she runs out in the street or something?

• 22:59Speaker 03

  It's too big of a park. And she's very smart. She's like insanely smart. She doesn't like the road.

• 23:03Speaker 02

  She told you about the peanut butter?

• 23:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:04Speaker 02

  Are you listening?

• 23:05H. Foley?

  Sorry, I forgot.

• 23:06Speaker 02

  I don't know how much more proof you need, dude.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  I also trained her, the first six months I had her, I had a 30 foot long leash. So I had her on this super long leash and then I would teach her recall. And I only call her coyote when I'm calling her. She's very smart. Yeah.

• 23:18H. Foley?

  I pictured, I pictured like some type of Al Qaeda training. The dog's doing the monkey part now.

• 23:22Speaker 03

  I took it very seriously.

• 23:22Speaker 04

  I pictured you with like a thing in your arm where a hawk lays.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:27Speaker 04

  Recall, recall!

• 23:29H. Foley?

  One of those big oven mitts on?

• 23:32Speaker 03

  The guy gave me a ticket the other day and he's like, your dog was off leash. And I was like, okay.

• 23:35Speaker 02

  You got a ticket for it?

• 23:36Speaker 04

  Who gave you a ticket? Where?

• 23:37Speaker 02

  How much is that?

• 23:37Speaker 03

  Prospect Park.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  From a cop?

• 23:39Speaker 03

  I threw it right in the trash. I, I was like, I don't have my license on me. And he was like, okay, what's your first and last name? And I said, my mom's, my middle name is Cosentini. So I said, Jordan Cosentini. And he was like, okay, wrote down. And I was like, do you ever have people giving you like the wrong name? And he was like, yeah, but you know, and I was like, it probably happens so much, you're good at telling when people are lying. And he was like, a hundred percent. I can see it a mile away. And I was like, great. And I took the ticket that had the wrong name on it.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  Dude, that is like when someone kills someone and then they show up at the scene of the crime. And like, wow, that guy does good work, huh?

• 24:09Speaker 02

  That killer must be hot, huh?

• 24:11Speaker 03

  That's what, I would do that.

• 24:12Speaker 04

  Wow!

• 24:15H. Foley?

  How much was the ticket?

• 24:16Speaker 03

  I think it was like a hundred bucks or something.

• 24:18H. Foley?

  Really?

• 24:18Speaker 03

  But what can they do? They don't have my license. They can't do anything with it.

• 24:22H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's weird.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  You don't.

• 24:23H. Foley?

  Was it a NYPD officer? A kind of like a park ranger?

• 24:26Speaker 03

  It was a park.

• 24:27H. Foley?

  Did he have a gun?

• 24:28Speaker 03

  No gun.

• 24:28H. Foley?

  Oh, fuck him.

• 24:29Speaker 03

  He had a clipboard.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  That's not a ticket. A clipboard?

• 24:32Speaker 03

  He had a clipboard.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  Put him on a leash.

• 24:34Speaker 04

  I'll tell you what he could do with that clipboard.

• 24:37Speaker 03

  We always run away from them. That's our favorite game. Run away from the guys, but sometimes I just don't have the energy.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  Sure. Wait, you actually run away from them?

• 24:44Speaker 03

  Oh, yes. We are fast as light.

• 24:46Speaker 04

  I would love to see that CCTV footage.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  Coyotes, go!

• 24:50Speaker 04

  Miss, miss!

• 24:51H. Foley?

  Split up. We'll meet back at the apartment.

• 24:53Speaker 03

  She runs and I go, or sometimes I go, it's a rabbit. That's not even my dog, because she looks like a rabbit a little bit.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  Scatter! Just takes off into the woods. I mean, I, yeah, okay.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  Jordan gives a ticket back. Touch black, no trade back.

• 25:07H. Foley?

  She hands him an Uno card?

• 25:10Speaker 04

  Hello, doctor.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  Uno reverse.

• 25:13H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 25:15H. Foley?

  Okay. All right. So you're both in LA. You're back.

• 25:20Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 25:20H. Foley?

  Things are going good?

• 25:21Speaker 04

  Better than ever.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 25:22Speaker 04

  Things are great.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  What's new for the new year? What do you have planned? Anything? Do you have any resolutions?

• 25:28Speaker 04

  All right.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  Okay, all right.

• 25:30Speaker 04

  Time for that yet?

• 25:31Speaker 03

  I have resolutions.

• 25:32Speaker 04

  What?

• 25:32Speaker 03

  To not get back with my ex, to become incredibly ripped.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  Which is, you're doing a great job, by the way, yeah.

• 25:39Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 25:39Speaker 02

  Your Instagram stories intimidate me.

• 25:43Speaker 04

  Look at that.

• 25:47Speaker 04

  Look at that.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  Yoked.

• 25:48Speaker 03

  And to be able to do, I want to be able to do five pull-ups next year.

• 25:52H. Foley?

  You guys both have similar tattoo styles.

• 25:55Speaker 04

  Isn't it funny? Mine are all color and hers are black and white.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  That's hilarious.

• 25:59Speaker 04

  The only time she's ever gotten color was when I was there.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  And Sagalow. Sagalow's there for a color one.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  You guys get tattoos together?

• 26:06Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm. We're matching tattoos.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  What are they?

• 26:10Speaker 04

  Product of New York.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  They're coffins that say Product of New York.

• 26:13Speaker 04

  It's a coffin that says Product of New York. It's a logo from a great band, New York hardcore band called Incendiary.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  Incendiary, shout out, shout out, shout out.

• 26:21Speaker 04

  Shout out, Incendiary. But. I just got this new one for Glenn.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  You already got a tattoo of him?

• 26:28Speaker 04

  He's my guy.

• 26:28Speaker 03

  I'm scared to do a coyote tattoo because I think it's symbolic of death and I don't want to die.

• 26:32H. Foley?

  Put him on a leash, you won't have to worry about it.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  She's not, she's not, she's very good. And I would rather have, she doesn't-

• 26:39Speaker 04

  But what about other dogs?

• 26:41Speaker 03

  What is that?

• 26:42H. Foley?

  You're not afraid of other dogs attacking her?

• 26:43Speaker 03

  Watch, I go like this, she runs towards a dog, if they go-

• 26:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, watch.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  I go like thi- if they go like this, I go, "Leave it." And then she goes up, she's ve- she's a frickin' cop, dude. She's like a Boston little cop. She's so smart.

• 26:53H. Foley?

  You give your dog this and they know you're-

• 26:54Speaker 02

  He's reading my emails.

• 26:56Speaker 03

  I look at the owner.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  Hey, get out of my personal files.

• 27:00Speaker 03

  That's ADD.

• 27:00Speaker 04

  I got distracted.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  He's like, "Ah, so you're playing, uh..."

• 27:04H. Foley?

  Ooh, your prescription's about to expire.

• 27:06Speaker 04

  It was like discount, I was like, "Oh, I'm going to..."

• 27:08H. Foley?

  Ooh, you gotta pay your Netflix bill.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  Look over my bank accounts, oh.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  I always read people's texts and they get mad and I'm like, "That's just ADD." It's like, "I have to do it."

• 27:16Speaker 02

  Uh-huh. I found myself one time when I played, my phone died and I just started reading the guy next to me, like, looking at his phone. I was like, "Hey, whatever you got on, I just need all phone."

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Has somebody already said this a million times? You ever on a plane and you just end up watching, you have a movie going, but you watch their movie?

• 27:30Speaker 04

  I do that with a guy.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Paulie's got a really bad bit about it right now.

• 27:34H. Foley?

  That's my goddamn opener!

• 27:37H. Foley?

  Lou, cut that!

• 27:40Speaker 02

  He's ever been on a plane?

• 27:42Speaker 03

  Is that like a thing that people know and talk about? But I will watch and attack.

• 27:47H. Foley?

  It kills.

• 27:51H. Foley?

  Seventy-five percent of the time. If you're in a low-rent area, they don't really know about it.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  You guys ever been on a Greyhound?

• 27:57H. Foley?

  More bus people.

• 28:03Speaker 04

  I don't think I have any resolutions.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  I would get some. I don't know what to tell you, I'd figure some stuff out.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  You want to do the coffee thing?

• 28:12H. Foley?

  Coffee enemas?

• 28:13Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 28:13Speaker 03

  The coffee, the coffee, what's it, where you do AA service and have a coffee hour?

• 28:18Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, I wanted to get a coffee commitment at my home group.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Girlfriend, boyfriend.

• 28:24H. Foley?

  But hold on, hold on, back up to coffee commitment. You want a what?

• 28:27Speaker 04

  In recovery meetings, there's different roles and I want to get the coffee commitment where you show up early to make every coffee.

• 28:34H. Foley?

  Semolina focaccia?

• 28:34Speaker 04

  You know?

• 28:35H. Foley?

  Nothing on that, alright, fair enough.

• 28:36Speaker 04

  What?

• 28:37Speaker 02

  I didn't get it, to be honest.

• 28:37Speaker 04

  Semolina focaccia.

• 28:39Speaker 02

  Do that airplane, dude.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  Airplane stuff kills.

• 28:44H. Foley?

  I was naming different roles.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  Right, what you know.

• 28:46H. Foley?

  Fukacha threw you off.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  No, I know Fukacha, but what's Semolina?

• 28:50H. Foley?

  It's a Semolina role.

• 28:51Speaker 04

  What is that?

• 28:53Speaker 02

  He caught that at the Board of Authority one night. I got a bad case of the Semolina's.

• 28:58H. Foley?

  I'm sorry.

• 28:59Speaker 04

  Anybody know a doctor?

• 29:00H. Foley?

  Go ahead, I'm interested in this. You want a coffee commitment?

• 29:03Speaker 02

  So you go and make the coffee for the group?

• 29:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:05H. Foley?

  That's a resolution? You want to make coffee?

• 29:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, because I've never done that before.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  And it forces you to go to meetings.

• 29:10H. Foley?

  Oh, well, you would do it all the time, not just one top one.

• 29:12Speaker 04

  No, no, like, it's like, it's like, once a week.

• 29:15H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'd like to do that. And I'd like to...

• 29:19Speaker 02

  He's up there, he flips a pad, asks him for tips. Hey, coffee will be right up. It's like 50%, 75%, 100%.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  He's making people follow him on Instagram.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  And you know, I have a podcast!

• 29:32Speaker 03

  Patreon.com/BNEandPod.

• 29:35H. Foley?

  Okay, so you want to do that?

• 29:37Speaker 04

  I also would like to get back into the gym because I have had a lot of injuries this year. And I...

• 29:43H. Foley?

  You got hit by a car, didn't you?

• 29:44Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah, I'll look at her. She thinks I'm mil- I milk it.

• 29:48H. Foley?

  What?

• 29:48Speaker 02

  You do like attention.

• 29:50Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, but not that kind. It's true, I am injured. And I went down to Florida to get the platelet therapy. Shout out, Dr. Bill Bonner.

• 30:01Speaker 03

  It's true, I am injured.

• 30:02H. Foley?

  Bill who? Bill Bonner?

• 30:03Speaker 04

  Bill Bonner.

• 30:03H. Foley?

  Bill Bonner.

• 30:04Speaker 04

  My doctor down in Florida.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  If there's any of the jury members out there listening.

• 30:07Speaker 04

  He drew 22 vials of blood, spun it around, turned it into plasma. I got those injections.

• 30:12Speaker 02

  Why'd you go all the way down there? They do that here. I was gonna do that for my hair.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  They haven't taken yet.

• 30:16Speaker 02

  They haven't taken.

• 30:17Speaker 04

  You're gonna do it for your hair?

• 30:17Speaker 02

  I was thinking about it.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  Don't do it. Let it be natural. Just go.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Okay, guy, you should not do it.

• 30:25Speaker 02

  Be like me!

• 30:26H. Foley?

  It's got duct tape on his breath.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  I'll never forget when Yamanika said, "You have the hairline of a rattlesnake."

• 30:30Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  Put that mouth away.

• 30:35H. Foley?

  Wait, hold on a second.

• 30:36Speaker 04

  What?

• 30:36H. Foley?

  What does the platelets have to do with your injuries? Is this from the car accident?

• 30:40Speaker 02

  What do you mean it didn't take?

• 30:42Speaker 04

  It, well, it takes a while.

• 30:43H. Foley?

  He's not human, too.

• 30:46Speaker 04

  It takes a while.

• 30:47H. Foley?

  His blood came out like a fucking horseshoe crab. It was all blue.

• 30:54H. Foley?

  Mr. Finance, I think you're a Klingon.

• 30:59Speaker 02

  I didn't know you speak multiple languages.

• 31:03H. Foley?

  Did both of you have to, had to have fake languages when you were a kid, I would assume? And imaginary friends?

• 31:08Speaker 02

  I think they still do.

• 31:12Speaker 04

  I didn't have, uh, friends to make fake languages with.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  I had imaginary tigers and I spoke that language. Remember where people go like, "Vala fuck you la fu"? Remember that one?

• 31:24Speaker 04

  Huh?

• 31:25Speaker 03

  Ila fi la la fa v you la fu el la fiin.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  Pig Latin?

• 31:28Speaker 03

  I don't know, but that's what it was.

• 31:29Speaker 02

  That's not Pig Latin.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  That's what like, that's what LARPers would do. Like, all the Lord of the Rings nerds taught me that. We'd play poker and only speak in that language.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  Play poker?

• 31:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, a lot.

• 31:38Speaker 04

  As a kid?

• 31:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:40Speaker 04

  I played poker in high school. We used to, we used to run poker games at parties.

• 31:43Speaker 03

  Cut his mic.

• 31:49Speaker 02

  The comp- the natural competition between them two is crazy.

• 31:52H. Foley?

  It's a special kinda crazy. It's nuts. You had imaginary tigers as friends growing up?

• 31:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:59H. Foley?

  What were their names?

• 32:01Speaker 03

  Rajah and Tiger.

• 32:02Speaker 04

  I had an imaginary best friend that was a deer named Venatio.

• 32:05H. Foley?

  Oh, I know this.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  That's, that's nice.

• 32:07Speaker 04

  Yeah!

• 32:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, I like that. I had tigers and they came with me anywhere and they walked on either side of me. And I would always make my dad open the door for the tigers as well, and he would do that, which is very nice.

• 32:16H. Foley?

  What age are we talking?

• 32:18Speaker 03

  Well, long time.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  Early twenties?

• 32:21Speaker 03

  I think first semester of college. Yeah.

• 32:26Speaker 04

  Pandemic really got the best of me.

• 32:29H. Foley?

  It is crazy how there are so many resemble- such a resemblance with you two.

• 32:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:34H. Foley?

  Of personality.

• 32:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:36H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 32:37Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  I don't like that.

• 32:40Speaker 04

  Get outta here, Vala Hulu. What the hell was the tiger's name?

• 32:44Speaker 03

  Vala fucky, oh Rajah.

• 32:45Speaker 04

  Vala fucky? Vala fuck you?

• 32:47Speaker 03

  Rajah, which is the tiger's name in Aladdin.

• 32:50Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  Cause I wanted to have sex with Aladdin. I had the sexual desires about him.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  I wanted to have sex with Jasmine.

• 32:54H. Foley?

  They were both alright. They were good looking.

• 32:56Speaker 03

  Really hot.

• 32:57H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 32:57Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:58Speaker 03

  I wanted to be Jasmine.

• 32:59H. Foley?

  I'll give you that.

• 33:01Speaker 04

  I had a crush on Ariel, Jasmine, and Bambi.

• 33:05Speaker 03

  Bambi was a boy, did you know that?

• 33:07Speaker 04

  That kinda explains a lot.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:09H. Foley?

  Why Bambi?

• 33:10Speaker 04

  I thought Bambi was a girl. I don't know, it was like...

• 33:12Speaker 02

  You had a crush on it? Wait, Bambi's a boy?

• 33:13H. Foley?

  Bambi's a deer, first of all. I wasn't familiar with the movie. He's talking about an animal.

• 33:22H. Foley?

  Let me bring you up to speed real quick.

• 33:24Speaker 03

  Let's hold up, hold up a second. Maybe it's a deer.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  I love it. That's where, that's, that's the bubble, reality bubble you pop.

• 33:31H. Foley?

  I liked, um, uh, Roger Rabbit's girl.

• 33:35Speaker 04

  Jessica Rabbit, big crush, yeah.

• 33:37H. Foley?

  Yes, he's alright. He's alright.

• 33:39Speaker 04

  Yeah. I'm like Roger Rabbit.

• 33:41Speaker 03

  He is Roger Rabbit.

• 33:42Speaker 02

  In what sense?

• 33:43Speaker 04

  Cause I'm, cause I'm a silly cartoon and a fuck hot chick.

• 33:46Speaker 03

  He is Roger Rabbit. He's always touching people and, you know, being like, "Please hang out with me."

• 33:53H. Foley?

  And there's also a private eye, Carly, looking for him.

• 33:56Speaker 04

  And if you do two bits in air, can I lose my mind?

• 34:02Speaker 04

  "Please."

• 34:03Speaker 03

  "Please, Eddie. Give me a kiss."

• 34:08H. Foley?

  Jordan, what were your resolutions?

• 34:11Speaker 02

  The pull-ups?

• 34:12Speaker 03

  Five pull-ups. I can only do one.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  How many can you do? You can do one now. That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

• 34:16Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 34:17Speaker 02

  I was only ever able to do one when I lost weight.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  It's so hard. And I want to be able to do 50 push-ups. I can do 20 now.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  In one sitting?

• 34:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:24Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 34:25Speaker 03

  And, uh, uh, uh, I don't want to, and I want to not get back together with my ex-boyfriend.

• 34:31H. Foley?

  Is this the same, not to ask you personally, is this the same dude?

• 34:34Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 34:35H. Foley?

  So, when I hear you doing bits about, it's the same guy the whole time?

• 34:40Speaker 03

  It's the same guy every time.

• 34:42Speaker 04

  And it will never stop.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  I really turned the knife on that one.

• 34:47H. Foley?

  Ian, do you know this gentleman?

• 34:49Speaker 03

  No, we're not getting into it.

• 34:50Speaker 04

  We're not getting into it, even though she brought it up. We're not getting into it.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  Maybe, the loophole is if we become completely different people, then we can be together.

• 34:57Speaker 04

  Shut the fuck up. There's no loophole. It's not happening.

• 35:01Speaker 02

  Man, you have to be pretty.

• 35:03Speaker 03

  There's always a loophole.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  I've never heard anybody take relationship advice from Ian.

• 35:10Speaker 04

  I'm a good advice giver.

• 35:11Speaker 03

  He is.

• 35:12H. Foley?

  What do you think she should do?

• 35:16Speaker 04

  No contact.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  Girl, don't get me started.

• 35:18Speaker 04

  No contact, block, delete, move on. No dating for a while.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  People always say block and delete. I'm like, you don't think I've done that? I have the number memorized by on my

• 35:27Speaker 04

  I know.

• 35:27H. Foley?

  I had that for a long time with a with a drug dealer. It was like my biggest mistake.

• 35:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:32H. Foley?

  I memorized his number.

• 35:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:34H. Foley?

  So like if I didn't have it, because I remember I didn't memorize it, couldn't get in touch with him for a while. And then my boy gave it to me and then I memorized it.

• 35:44Speaker 03

  And you don't even know you're memorizing it. You're just like, I'm just looking at it for a while.

• 35:47H. Foley?

  No, I knew I was.

• 35:50Speaker 02

  215.

• 35:51H. Foley?

  I'm not letting this fucking happen to me again. Ruin a Friday night.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, I'm very good at giving advice.

• 35:59Speaker 03

  I think you should try dating a man next year.

• 36:01Speaker 04

  Me?

• 36:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:02Speaker 04

  Well, I may.

• 36:04Speaker 04

  We'll see what's in the cards.

• 36:06H. Foley?

  I'll take you out.

• 36:07Speaker 04

  I had.

• 36:08H. Foley?

  Couple of fried bickles.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  Henry, I had a date with a fella a couple of weeks ago. It was amazing.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  What's that look like?

• 36:15Speaker 04

  We, dude, he came over and we, what? This is how I talk when I'm with men.

• 36:21Speaker 03

  It was amazing?

• 36:22Speaker 04

  It was amazing. We'd listen to Steely Dan, smoked cigarettes, played my wrestling video game.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  Oh, you're just a couple of boys.

• 36:30Speaker 04

  Sucked each other's dicks. It was incredible.

• 36:35Speaker 02

  I was with you right up until that.

• 36:37Speaker 04

  Loser sucks the other one's dick. What do you know? My controller's not plugged in.

• 36:41H. Foley?

  I was with you until Steely Dan entered the picture.

• 36:43Speaker 04

  What? Steely Dan's great.

• 36:45H. Foley?

  Who sits around and listens to records?

• 36:47Speaker 04

  Me.

• 36:48H. Foley?

  Why don't you go to a movie or dinner?

• 36:49Speaker 03

  It wasn't a record. It was off the phone, wasn't it?

• 36:51Speaker 04

  It was off the phone.

• 36:51Speaker 02

  The phone was in a plastic cup, so it was louder too.

• 36:54Speaker 04

  You do that? I do that.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm a dirtbag.

• 36:57Speaker 04

  Yeah. You do that?

• 36:59Speaker 02

  You do that?

• 36:59Speaker 04

  You know about that? But, uh, yeah, maybe I'll date a fella. Maybe, you know, I, this is gonna be, you know, 2025. I'm excited.

• 37:10H. Foley?

  Is this your year?

• 37:11Speaker 04

  This is my year.

• 37:12H. Foley?

  Are we looking at an Ian glow up?

• 37:14Speaker 04

  I'm turning 40.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 37:16Speaker 04

  December 30th, two shows, Rhode Island Providence Comedy Connection, 8 and 10:30.

• 37:23Speaker 02

  Tickets still available?

• 37:24Speaker 04

  Tickets still available.

• 37:25H. Foley?

  That was all just a ruse to get your plug in.

• 37:27Speaker 04

  No, but I'm turning 40 on December 31st.

• 37:29H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 37:30Speaker 04

  I'm gonna be 40, 2025.

• 37:33H. Foley?

  Oh my god, I forgot you're a New Year's.

• 37:34Speaker 04

  Feeling alive, feeling good.

• 37:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's really funny.

• 37:37H. Foley?

  Is your birthday on a holiday too?

• 37:38Speaker 03

  No way. Yes.

• 37:39H. Foley?

  It is.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  It's typically Memorial Day.

• 37:41H. Foley?

  It's what?

• 37:42Speaker 03

  It's typically Memorial Day.

• 37:44H. Foley?

  Man, that's weird. Both of you have birthdays on a holiday?

• 37:47Speaker 04

  Crazy, right?

• 37:48H. Foley?

  Yeah, you are.

• 37:50Speaker 02

  You're pretty nuts, Barry.

• 37:54H. Foley?

  No kidding.

• 37:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:56H. Foley?

  Yours falls on a Memorial Day.

• 37:57Speaker 04

  What are you guys doing on December 31st? Come on up.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  I'm gonna be in Rhode Island.

• 38:01Speaker 04

  Me? Are you serious?

• 38:02Speaker 03

  Oh my god, Ian. What in the name?

• 38:06Speaker 02

  Come over to my hotel, we'll play video games and I'll blow you.

• 38:08Speaker 04

  I'm so excited.

• 38:09H. Foley?

  You like Steely Dan?

• 38:11Speaker 02

  You smoke cigs too, Kev, don't you?

• 38:13Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 38:14Speaker 04

  I'm going on Asia, front to back, let's go.

• 38:16Speaker 02

  That's a guy, that's a guy looking for a connection.

• 38:18Speaker 04

  Woo! Me!

• 38:21H. Foley?

  Sheath underwear, ladies and gentlemen.

• 38:22Speaker 04

  Woo!

• 38:23H. Foley?

  Have you heard of it? Sure you have. We talk about it all the time. We've been talking about it for four years. They sponsor tons of your favorite podcasts, so why not support the sponsors that support your favorite podcast?

• 38:34Speaker 02

  That's one of the only reasons we were here. Those guys went out on a limb and started advertising when we were real small. Could put a couple bucks in our pocket, and the Army of Garbage supported Sheath, and they're still supporting us.

• 38:43H. Foley?

  That's right, and they started the game, baby. They were the first ones to put the pocket with the balls and the weener in the other pocket. That's how you do it.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:51H. Foley?

  Top quality underwear, developed by an Army veteran.

• 38:55Speaker 02

  Iraq, yeah, Iraqi war veteran.

• 38:56H. Foley?

  What are we doing here? What are we doing here? Keeps you dry, keeps you calm, keeps you cool. Sheath underwear, the only way to go.

• 39:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, whether you're at the gym, you're at work, just lounging around, Sheath's moisture wicking fabric keeps you feeling fresh all day long. And I'll dirtbag it up one or two, three times. You can use those puppies for about four, five days in a row. You don't even need to flip them inside out. That's how good the moisture wicking technology is. Uh, and the styles that got you covered. I call my fancy underwear well documented. I put them on when I'm trying to, uh, impress the, impress the neighborhood ladies, if you catch my drift.

• 39:24H. Foley?

  I got some pics of my food.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  Uh, don't take our word for it. They have thousands of five-star reviews which speak for themselves. The official underwear partner of the UFC, which says a lot. Once you try Sheath, you're never gonna go back to regular boxes again, and I stand by that. Elevate your comfort today. Go to sheathunderwear.com. Get the most comfortable underwear you're ever gonna wear. If you use the promo GOGARBAGE, you'll also get 20% off your order. That's sheath.com, promo GOGARBAGE. For 20% off your order, Sheath, the underwear of legends and dirtbags alike.

• 39:51Speaker 03

  It's gonna be a shit show.

• 39:52Speaker 04

  It's gonna be so fun.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  Those people are already so wasted in Rhode Island.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  Uh-uh.

• 39:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, they get blackout.

• 39:57Speaker 02

  You're Z Rhode Island?

• 39:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Had to drive to drink.

• 39:59Speaker 04

  Why don't you guys come?

• 40:00Speaker 03

  We should bring guns.

• 40:00Speaker 04

  What are you doing? I love guns.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  One thing at a time.

• 40:04H. Foley?

  Did you ask him about guns, or did he just randomly say, "I love guns"?

• 40:06Speaker 03

  I said, "We should bring guns."

• 40:08Speaker 04

  Bring guns. I love guns. Do you, how many guns?

• 40:11Speaker 03

  I have a slingshot.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  Who are you, Dennis the Menace?

• 40:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:14H. Foley?

  That actually adds up.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:16H. Foley?

  One of those serious ones, like a wrist rocket.

• 40:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got arrested.

• 40:20H. Foley?

  Those will kill you, right?

• 40:21Speaker 04

  Did I tell you?

• 40:22Speaker 02

  I mean, you sure?

• 40:22Speaker 03

  They hurt gophers, for gophers.

• 40:24Speaker 02

  I used to, I got one for a guy, that was the first reason I got one.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Really?

• 40:26Speaker 02

  A gopher was in my backyard.

• 40:28Speaker 03

  So many gophers, yeah.

• 40:29H. Foley?

  When?

• 40:29Speaker 03

  But did you try hit?

• 40:30Speaker 02

  There wasn't that many gophers.

• 40:31Speaker 03

  I had so, when I hit them with, when I hit their little bodies, though, it just bounced right off.

• 40:35Speaker 04

  No.

• 40:35Speaker 03

  Didn't do anything.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  It's so hurtful.

• 40:37H. Foley?

  Is this back at home, on the farm?

• 40:39Speaker 03

  This is when I lived up in the Adirondacks.

• 40:42Speaker 04

  Well, I used to shoot squirrels with a BB gun.

• 40:44H. Foley?

  Why were you hitting, why were you shooting the gophers? What were they doing?

• 40:47Speaker 03

  Cause I was had to, I didn't have any money, so I had to grow my own food, and so I was making yogurt and kale. And kale, they kept eating the kale, so I had to get the slingshot to hit them with, so they would leave the kale alone.

• 40:56H. Foley?

  Why do we talk about squirrels? Why don't you grow in your own food?

• 40:59Speaker 03

  Well, just, you know, for a little bit, I lived up in the mountains. For...

• 41:03Speaker 04

  Years, you didn't have to grow all your own food. You had access to some food.

• 41:08H. Foley?

  Were you working?

• 41:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I was working, yes.

• 41:10Speaker 04

  On the chain gang? What the fuck?

• 41:13Speaker 03

  I was, I...

• 41:14Speaker 02

  I was working in gopher pelts at the time.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  I was painting a, I was working on a craft center, I was doing masonry on a craft center. But then you had to pay the money to get there, and then I had to suspend the license, so I kept getting arrested for that. And then I kept having to suspend the license, and I needed the truck to get to work, and I'd get stuck in these pickles. And food was...

• 41:29Speaker 04

  Pickles, I'm hungry.

• 41:30Speaker 03

  And you also had to go all the way down the mountain if you wanted to get food. And kale and yogurt are perfectly sufficient.

• 41:35H. Foley?

  You made your own yogurt?

• 41:36Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 41:36H. Foley?

  You didn't tell us this the first time, you should have opened with that.

• 41:39Speaker 03

  There's so much.

• 41:40Speaker 02

  There's so much stuff, too, and it bothered me, not bothered me a little bit, that I was, there's so much stuff we didn't get to. And the comments were like, "They didn't even get to this." I'm like, "That should have, that should have been the lead off."

• 41:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  I forget what they were, but there was a lot.

• 41:50H. Foley?

  Who were you living with there? Solo?

• 41:52Speaker 04

  Fucking Davy Crockett.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  My ex-boyfriend.

• 41:55H. Foley?

  How old were you?

• 41:56Speaker 03

  We were 21.

• 41:59H. Foley?

  This is after college?

• 42:01Speaker 03

  This was, we took a break during college. To, we also lived in Chicago and did roofing. But then we moved to the Adirondack so that he could make ceramics, and then we tried selling those. And that didn't work.

• 42:17H. Foley?

  So you made your own yogurt?

• 42:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, you take a dollop of yogurt.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Sounds like it took place in the 1700s.

• 42:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:24Speaker 03

  And then...

• 42:25Speaker 04

  You should hear a story about getting dysentery.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  I got jardia.

• 42:29Speaker 02

  What's that?

• 42:30Speaker 04

  Jardia?

• 42:31Speaker 03

  Well, jardia was...

• 42:32Speaker 02

  I've heard...

• 42:32H. Foley?

  That's like an Ozempic, isn't it?

• 42:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, it sounds like a medicine they sell you late at night on TV.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  No, it's where you poop and vomit for weeks.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  I had that for years.

• 42:40H. Foley?

  Yeah, you're eating gopher meat.

• 42:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:42Speaker 04

  It's called alcohol withdrawal.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  How do you make yogurt?

• 42:44Speaker 04

  I've been there.

• 42:44Speaker 03

  You put a dollop of yogurt in the bottom of a container, then you fill it up with whole milk, and then you wrap it in a sleeping bag and let it incubate, and you just like put it in a dark, cool space and it turns into yogurt.

• 42:54H. Foley?

  Under what circumstances?

• 42:55Speaker 04

  You make the yogurt with yogurt?

• 42:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, you need the live cultures from the yogurt. So you get one container and then you can make a billion.

• 43:01Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 43:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:02Speaker 04

  We should make our own yogurt on the podcast.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  I mean, it just...

• 43:05Speaker 04

  That'd be cool.

• 43:06Speaker 03

  It would take five minutes and then we'd...

• 43:08H. Foley?

  How long do you have to wait to let it sit for?

• 43:09Speaker 03

  I think like a week.

• 43:10H. Foley?

  Kevin, under what circumstances?

• 43:12Speaker 02

  What I eat Jordan's homemade yogurt that was in a sleeping bag?

• 43:16Speaker 02

  Nuclear Holocaust would have to happen. For me to even start thinking about it.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  It was good!

• 43:20Speaker 02

  We'd have to be out of kale and gopher.

• 43:24Speaker 04

  On the one hand...

• 43:24Speaker 02

  And then I'd start fucking thinking about it.

• 43:26Speaker 04

  On the one hand, you got me like, "Wanna come over, listen to Steely Dan?" And then she's like, "Wanna make yogurt in my sleeping bag?"

• 43:32Speaker 02

  You're like nightmare creatures.

• 43:33H. Foley?

  And that's what you were living off of?

• 43:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, and we would go to the... This was a good hack. We would build fires. I would put potatoes in the fire with tin foil.

• 43:44H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  I'm on that. I'm with that.

• 43:46Speaker 04

  Wait, you would do what?

• 43:47Speaker 03

  You take the potatoes and you put them in tin foil and then you just throw them on the fire and they bake the potatoes. With some yogurt, basically sour cream, pretty good.

• 43:53Speaker 04

  Normal.

• 43:54Speaker 03

  And then, um, but when we were traveling, we would go into gas stations, take a hot dog container, put three eggs in it, microwave the eggs, eat that. I'm hungry.

• 44:03H. Foley?

  What's a hot dog container?

• 44:04Speaker 03

  Talking about it.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  What do you mean, like a...

• 44:06Speaker 03

  Like you know at gas stations how they sell hot dogs? So you, it gives you the little-

• 44:09Speaker 02

  Like the little tray?

• 44:09Speaker 03

  The little tray. You put the eggs in there.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  Like just a, like a-

• 44:13Speaker 04

  My uncle Clyde-

• 44:14Speaker 02

  You mix them up?

• 44:15Speaker 03

  You put like three eggs in it.

• 44:16Speaker 02

  Crack them?

• 44:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, crack them and then, and then nuke them in the microwave. Cause they have microwaves at a lot of gas stations and then you eat it.

• 44:21Speaker 04

  They're too fluffy.

• 44:22H. Foley?

  I think those containers aren't microwave safe.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's okay.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  Wait, you're worried about the, you're worried that the eggs are too fluffy out of the gas station microwave?

• 44:30Speaker 03

  No, they're good fluffy.

• 44:32Speaker 04

  No, they're not.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  What the fuck is wrong with-

• 44:33H. Foley?

  Are they pasture raised?

• 44:34Speaker 03

  You mean they're, you mean they're too gummi-

• 44:36Speaker 02

  Would you bring your own eggs or would you buy eggs there?

• 44:37Speaker 03

  You get it at, everything's at the gas station.

• 44:39Speaker 04

  Well, you know, you keep a chicken in your-

• 44:41Speaker 02

  That's a self-sustained economy.

• 44:42Speaker 04

  You know, the time we were keeping chickens in our pockets. You tickle them on the neck, they make an egg. You put it in the gas station hot dog container. There you go, souffle. Yeah, really.

• 44:52H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 44:54Speaker 02

  I just picture you walking into a Sanoco. I'm here to barter.

• 44:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 02

  I got some yogurt cultures.

• 44:59Speaker 04

  How you get it done is you get your squirrel that you carry on your shoulder to distract-

• 45:03H. Foley?

  I'm Jordan, I'm a gopher hunter.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  Those tigers, they're, they're friendly. Don't worry about those. Okay.

• 45:11H. Foley?

  Wow. There is still a lot to cover. You know that, Jordan. Right?

• 45:15Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm. There's so much.

• 45:16Speaker 02

  What is there something that you think we've missed that you're like, you snuck? Is there anything that jumps to mind where you're like, cause there was something about your apartment that I forget where they were like, they didn't, you do something in the kitchen or some, I can't fucking remember it.

• 45:31Speaker 04

  Oh, I use bags of chips as blankets. I didn't tell you?

• 45:35H. Foley?

  Her kitchen now?

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, somebody was like, they didn't even mention, she, she didn't mention, and I forget what the, it was something with you and the dog in the kitchen, maybe?

• 45:43Speaker 03

  Oh, we eat chicken on the floor together.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  That's probably it, if I had to guess.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  Well, when I got her, I sho, I saw her online at the rescue. I showed up, I got her. I just had a puppy. I didn't know what to do with her. I didn't have a cage or anything, so I just put her in a tote bag and carried around. And then we would get chicken from the cellar and we would fight over it.

• 46:01Speaker 04

  The chicken from the cellar?

• 46:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:03Speaker 04

  The comedy cellar, not like the basement cellar.

• 46:05Speaker 03

  And we would both eat it on the floor together.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  You know, sure.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Maybe I built my own, I built a big thing in my kitchen.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  No, I think they're fighting the dog for the chicken. That's a vice.

• 46:13H. Foley?

  Chicken wings or like a chicken breast?

• 46:16Speaker 03

  The chicken breast.

• 46:17H. Foley?

  And it'd be cooked?

• 46:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:18H. Foley?

  And you would put it on the floor, straight on the floor?

• 46:20Speaker 03

  We would eat it together on the floor.

• 46:21H. Foley?

  Would you have it on a plate though?

• 46:22Speaker 03

  Well, I wanted her to know that we were dogs. We were buddies.

• 46:26H. Foley?

  You were packed mates.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  We would have it on a plate, yeah, and we'd eat it together.

• 46:28H. Foley?

  That's alright.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  But now she doesn't know about tables and she jumps right on them. Like she'd jump right on here and be walking around. She doesn't know.

• 46:33Speaker 04

  I did that with Samson. I would lay on the ground, put his food on my chest, so he'd just associate me with the thing he needed to live.

• 46:39H. Foley?

  My, my girl sits next to the cat sometimes when, when it's eaten, just so it feels safe.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, that's a normal, that's not bad.

• 46:46H. Foley?

  Well.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  That's what people were just...

• 46:47Speaker 02

  Whose side are you on here? I'm losing you quick, big man.

• 46:50H. Foley?

  You kinda are.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  We have to be, we have to be fucking united against these dudes.

• 46:54Speaker 04

  What? There's no fighting?

• 46:56H. Foley?

  I gotta hank her for some fucking yogurt, I'll tell you that right now.

• 46:59Speaker 02

  Yogurt and chicken?

• 47:00Speaker 03

  It was so gloopy.

• 47:01Speaker 04

  Hey, you bring the yogurt, I'll bring the sleeping bag. Let's have a party.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  Jesus fucking Christ.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, weird things I've done during broke times. The amount of stealing I've done. Weird like, like, like heists.

• 47:13H. Foley?

  Heists?

• 47:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, like, I was like, I have to, I had no money, but I had to start my own construction business, so I figured out that if I marked up there, if I took, took the money from the materials and stole all of the materials, I would, I could survive.

• 47:26Speaker 02

  From like a Home Depot or Lowe's?

• 47:27H. Foley?

  Right.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:28H. Foley?

  I think you mentioned that.

• 47:28Speaker 03

  It's all just like money, have it being really super broke. The suspended license thing got tricky, where I had to go to jail like three times because my license was suspended.

• 47:37H. Foley?

  We didn't talk about jail that much. Your license kept getting suspended.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  For what?

• 47:40H. Foley?

  And you kept still driving.

• 47:41Speaker 03

  I had to drive to get to work, but then it would get suspended, but you only had enough money to pay the speeding ticket and then, or the unsuspension license fee didn't pay, and they get you stuck.

• 47:49Speaker 04

  And that's why it is cyclical system of recidivism.

• 47:52Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 47:53Speaker 04

  It's terrible. It's built to make it so that you fail.

• 47:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 47:57Speaker 04

  And the only way to get past is a rob, cheat and steal.

• 47:59Speaker 03

  You have to.

• 48:00H. Foley?

  Hey, pickle boy, shut up.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  Somebody take his picture. Calm him down a little bit.

• 48:05Speaker 03

  Oh, I graduated from college with a heist, that was good. They were like, you can't graduate, you didn't do these... Credits, so then I waited because I knew that the dean was leaving town. So then the assistant dean came in and I forged this whole thing that was like, Jordan Jensen is allowed to use these credits instead of these credits. And I was like, he was about to sign it and then they signed it.

• 48:23Speaker 02

  That's pretty good. I'll give you that. That's, that's very, that's very well respected in the dirtbag community.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:28Speaker 04

  And then they, and then they all wore togas and Louis Louis played at the end. Louis Louis.

• 48:35Speaker 02

  Man.

• 48:35H. Foley?

  That was a deep cut. I got it. I didn't like it.

• 48:38Speaker 03

  That from Animal House?

• 48:38H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 48:42Speaker 04

  I had to, I had to do that in college. I had to take two semesters worth of credits in one semester because I got incompletes for an entire semester because I told everyone.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  Do we have to take eight or nine courses?

• 48:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, while I was student teaching, while I was working a job. It was crazy because the last semester that I was supposed to go to class, I didn't because I was drinking and I told all my professors I was in rehab. And I was like shaking when I went to them because I hadn't drank that day. So they were like, oh God, it's real. And then I, I got it all done.

• 49:15H. Foley?

  I electrocuted myself right before I walked in.

• 49:17Speaker 04

  I got it all done.

• 49:19Speaker 03

  You know what?

• 49:19Speaker 04

  The real way. I didn't forge papers or nothing.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  I forged. I had to forge.

• 49:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, I respect that.

• 49:24Speaker 03

  I kept failing chemistry. I failed chemistry three times. It was crazy.

• 49:26H. Foley?

  Why were you taking chemistry?

• 49:27Speaker 03

  You had to do it. You had to pass it.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  How are you gonna make the yogurt yourselves?

• 49:30H. Foley?

  What was your major?

• 49:31Speaker 04

  You gotta learn how to make cheese.

• 49:32Speaker 03

  My major was philosophy, but you had to pass chemistry.

• 49:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, you had to do it. Your major was philosophy and they were like, take chemistry.

• 49:39Speaker 03

  You had to, it was just like a pre.

• 49:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, you have to, yeah, you had to do all the.

• 49:43H. Foley?

  What was the time you?

• 49:44Speaker 03

  You know what I think the most like epitomizing of my childhood was? This is like the perfect thing. My dad would take the dogs to the road and beat the shit out of them to teach them not to go in the road. Beat the ever-loving piss out of them.

• 49:57Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 49:58Speaker 03

  And it would traumatize me because I could hear our dogs. And then he would be like, now they won't go to the road. Every single one of those dogs ran to the road and got.

• 50:08Speaker 04

  Jesus Christ.

• 50:10Speaker 02

  It's like pet cemetery.

• 50:11Speaker 04

  It's crazy.

• 50:12Speaker 03

  Because they wanted to kill themselves because they were traumatized at a young age.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  What the fuck?

• 50:20Speaker 04

  And you're relating this to what?

• 50:22Speaker 03

  I just want, that's like the perfect epitome of the tragedy of my life. As soon as you give a little girl a puppy, you go, here, this one will live. And then he beats it, and then it kills itself.

• 50:33H. Foley?

  You were talking about college.

• 50:35Speaker 02

  I was talking about forging documents to get on a lease.

• 50:38Speaker 03

  What's the most dirtbag story? And I think that perfectly encapsulates it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I needed them to feel a little bit bad for me.

• 50:47Speaker 03

  I forged the papers, but I had a really hard life.

• 50:49Speaker 02

  I respect that. You don't know what it was like, man.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  But why did he keep beating them if it didn't work the first five times? Why did he keep bringing them to the road? And then I was like, maybe he just liked that part.

• 51:06Speaker 04

  Jesus Christ.

• 51:07Speaker 02

  Well, guys.

• 51:12Speaker 03

  It never worked.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  The most insane thing is Jordan does have to leave to get to a therapist.

• 51:21Speaker 04

  She's asking us the thing she'd be, she should be asking him. Why did he keep beating the dogs? I don't know, honey, that's not really an us question.

• 51:31Speaker 03

  It never worked.

• 51:32Speaker 02

  Get any stories about mayonnaise or anything we can handle? What the fuck? It's above my pay grade.

• 51:41H. Foley?

  She's gonna get the therapy.

• 51:42Speaker 04

  Stop describing the dogs' faces.

• 51:44Speaker 03

  No, their faces.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  I'm talking like a hamburger patty in the middle of the road. I couldn't believe it.

• 51:53H. Foley?

  She's gonna get the therapy and start asking her therapist where she went on vacation.

• 51:58H. Foley?

  What kind of peanut butter did you have growing up?

• 52:03Speaker 04

  Okay. When was the last time you were arrested?

• 52:07Speaker 02

  Sounds like they're coming right now to get one of you.

• 52:10H. Foley?

  This is all years ago.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it's like five years ago.

• 52:13H. Foley?

  Right.

• 52:14Speaker 02

  That's not that many years ago.

• 52:16H. Foley?

  That was before you did comedy, right?

• 52:17Speaker 04

  Five years ago?

• 52:18Speaker 03

  No, no, very much the same.

• 52:19Speaker 02

  You got arrested for doing comedy for what, license again?

• 52:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:21H. Foley?

  You were already doing comedy, but not here in the city?

• 52:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was here in the city.

• 52:25H. Foley?

  You got arrested by the NYPD for driving without a license?

• 52:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, there was a cockroach in the jail cell. Big one.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  I hate it.

• 52:35H. Foley?

  You're stuck in here. Here with me.

• 52:37Speaker 04

  Finally, food I didn't have to make. Oh, I didn't tell you, Jake.

• 52:41Speaker 02

  Oh, gosh.

• 52:41Speaker 04

  The last time I saw you, I remember I was like, oh, I'm throwing out the first pitch.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  I love how they correct each other on their insane behavior.

• 52:49Speaker 04

  Remember, the last time I was here, I was like, oh, I'm throwing out the first pitch? The day before I threw that out, I got arrested.

• 52:56Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 04

  For having that knife. And I got out of jail and the next day I flew and threw out the first pitch.

• 53:02Speaker 02

  Which you ducked, by the way.

• 53:04H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  Wasn't it a bad pitch?

• 53:05Speaker 04

  It bounced and went right to the chest of the guy. Fuck you.

• 53:09H. Foley?

  It's not cricket, dickhead.

• 53:11Speaker 04

  Well, I have a bum shoulder. I'm getting injections. I got a fucked up shoulder. I was trying.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  The shots didn't take.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  It looked good.

• 53:18Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  It did look like a good pitch.

• 53:20H. Foley?

  Wait, why did you get arrested? Why'd you have a knife?

• 53:23Speaker 04

  Because people were getting assaulted in the city and I'm a little guy.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  Where, who found a knife? Why'd you get stopped for a knife?

• 53:28Speaker 04

  Officer Forbes on the 73rd Street subway station.

• 53:31Speaker 02

  He just stopped you?

• 53:32Speaker 04

  She saw, I guess, the, like, latch in my pocket. And she was like, what's that? I was like, my knife.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  I'm Ian.

• 53:42Speaker 04

  She started.

• 53:44Speaker 02

  I'm a fun-loving crazy guy. It's just my weapon that I can hurt people with.

• 53:48H. Foley?

  Have you ever seen Roger Rabbit by any chance?

• 53:50Speaker 02

  Have you seen my meds today? I haven't.

• 53:53Speaker 03

  Oh, I did forget to take my meds.

• 53:54Speaker 04

  Fuck, I forgot to take my meds, too.

• 53:56H. Foley?

  Are you kidding me?

• 53:58Speaker 03

  I forgot.

• 53:58Speaker 04

  Oh, fuck, they're right in the container.

• 54:00Speaker 03

  Because I didn't take them last night, so I was gonna take them.

• 54:03Speaker 04

  I don't know, I hide them. Easter eggs.

• 54:07Speaker 03

  God damn it.

• 54:07Speaker 04

  Holy space.

• 54:10Speaker 03

  I was so manic last night.

• 54:11H. Foley?

  It's just nice to be around people crazier than me.

• 54:16H. Foley?

  It's fun to see.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  I went full manic last night and went full Ian.

• 54:25Speaker 04

  Wagga wagga wagga.

• 54:26H. Foley?

  Wise hoes, here he is. Man, the sleepovers you two must have ruined.

• 54:32Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:33Speaker 04

  Oh, I had to get taken home because I would scream and cry and I'm thinking my mom is gonna die too.

• 54:38Speaker 03

  I would dare people to kiss me.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  The dad's just going, no, Jordan, you have to go home.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  Jordan, I have to call your mother. I told you I'm not allowed to kiss you.

• 54:47Speaker 04

  The dog cannot consent.

• 54:53Speaker 04

  If he didn't want it, why would he wag his tail?

• 54:58H. Foley?

  The dog was going.

• 55:02H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 55:03Speaker 04

  We've never seen a rabbit kill itself before.

• 55:07Speaker 03

  Oh my god, that's a dirtbag thing. I had a rabbit and then I had a rabbit and my dad made these people, he evicted these people.

• 55:14H. Foley?

  He beat the shit out of it.

• 55:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, he evicted these people out of the barn because they were living in there and then they...

• 55:20H. Foley?

  Wait, wait, when you were living there too?

• 55:21Speaker 03

  We were in there, but there was another apartment, they made him do apartment and there were dirtbags living in there and they got mad and they killed my rabbit. It's not funny.

• 55:30Speaker 02

  That's hilarious, Jordan.

• 55:33Speaker 03

  They threw it in the road.

• 55:35H. Foley?

  Did you do that on Colbert a couple of weeks ago?

• 55:37Speaker 04

  She lives like Rizzo the Rat in Muppet Christmas Carol. It's fucking crazy.

• 55:43H. Foley?

  I don't even know who that character is.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  I figure you both are gonna slink out of here into the sewers.

• 55:48Speaker 04

  You went home in TV land. Look it up.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  We really have to get Jordan out of here.

• 55:54H. Foley?

  Yes, we do. We have to get Jordan out of here.

• 55:56Speaker 04

  I could stay.

• 56:00Speaker 04

  I got nowhere to go. No, Ian!

• 56:04H. Foley?

  We're bombing the place for termites.

• 56:08Speaker 04

  Oh, finally get my medicine.

• 56:10Speaker 02

  I'm gonna get a hit on that.

• 56:11H. Foley?

  This felt like...

• 56:12Speaker 02

  Guy comes in with a tank?

• 56:13H. Foley?

  This felt like...

• 56:14Speaker 02

  I'm making a balloon.

• 56:15H. Foley?

  This felt like five minutes.

• 56:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I was on...

• 56:19Speaker 02

  It felt like three days to me, if I'm being honest.

• 56:24H. Foley?

  We gotta have you both back. We love you both. Jordan, you are the reigning queen of garbage.

• 56:28Speaker 02

  Yes, the new queen of garbage, we must say. The fans have, uh, loved you.

• 56:31Speaker 04

  Yay!

• 56:32Speaker 02

  As much as they love Cousin Ian, which is great to have you both on.

• 56:35H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 56:35Speaker 02

  I think next time we have to separate.

• 56:37H. Foley?

  No.

• 56:40H. Foley?

  Do you both have anything you would like to plug before you go? Jordan, you wanna go?

• 56:44Speaker 03

  Uh, I have, I have Punch Up... PunchUp.

• 56:48Speaker 04

  PunchUp.live slash Jordan Jensen. Oh, that's right, they can't do it.

• 56:51H. Foley?

  I forgot, I'm sorry.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  She can't put her jacket on.

• 56:55H. Foley?

  I forgot about that.

• 56:56Speaker 03

  It's so wet.

• 56:58Speaker 04

  Be and Ian with Jordan every Wednesday. Patreon.com slash Be and Ian Pod. Uh, RIP Jordan Jensen every other Monday.

• 57:04Speaker 02

  And Bellevue Outpatient on the weekends.

• 57:08Speaker 04

  December 31st, Comedy Connection Providence, Rhode Island.

• 57:11H. Foley?

  Providence, go see Cousin Ian.

• 57:12Speaker 04

  Come on out, two shows with a special guest. It's gonna be fun. We sold out the live podcast on December 30th and then I'm on the road every weekend until the end of May.

• 57:21H. Foley?

  Fantastic.

• 57:21Speaker 04

  Go to PunchUp.live slash Ian5ads.

• 57:24H. Foley?

  Ian, Jesus, you're gonna hurt her.

• 57:25Speaker 04

  And also, check out my special, Wild, Happy and Free on YouTube.

• 57:29Speaker 03

  Okay, I also am going to, I am gonna do-

• 57:32H. Foley?

  Is this gonna be about the government?

• 57:33Speaker 03

  I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do big shows in LA and I really need you to just look out for the tickets. I haven't put them up yet, but just be on the lookout for that because they have to sell because it's very special.

• 57:46Speaker 02

  Be on the lookout.

• 57:46H. Foley?

  One of the best, Jordan, you're fantastic. Ian, you're fantastic.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  Thank you so much.

• 57:50H. Foley?

  We love you both.

• 57:51Speaker 04

  Love you guys so much, I'm so happy we could come here together.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is okay.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  And I have Christmas shirts for you guys, Merry Christmas.

• 57:58Speaker 02

  These are just your merch.

• 57:59Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 58:00Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 58:01Speaker 04

  It's leftover from this last run.

• 58:02Speaker 02

  Then you're gonna charge me $25 for it.

• 58:03Speaker 04

  Thirty-five, card, 25 cash. Here's XXX for the big man, uh, and Luke, I got you XXX for you too.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  Oh, these are good quality. Triple X, hey, go fuck yourself.

• 58:15Speaker 04

  From Edgeman Printing, Luke, extra large. I had double X but I sold them, but you know, thank you guys. And you can get these on my Instagram.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  On my Instagram.

• 58:26Speaker 04

  My Animal Six.

• 58:27Speaker 02

  Just call me.

• 58:28Speaker 04

  Edgeman Printing, shout out Jimmy Edgeman Detroit. No, we gotta get a picture. No, no, I gotta go. Can you get a picture?

• 58:36H. Foley?

  Let the girl go.

• 58:37Speaker 04

  No, come on, just a picture real quick.

• 58:38Speaker 02

  Just let her go, she's late. Alright Luke, here, hop up. This is so crazy. I feel like-

• 58:44H. Foley?

  We're keeping all this, by the way. Everybody say crazy. Wiggly, wiggly, wiggly. Gang, we love you to death.

• 58:53Speaker 04

  Love you, Jordan.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  Bye, Jordan.

• 58:55H. Foley?

  You got anything?

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Uh, I have anything, I need a goddamn cigarette and a beer, what are you talking about?

• 59:00Speaker 04

  So, you know, when I was in fourth grade-

• 59:03H. Foley?

  Gang, we love you, we'll see you next week.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  He looked over at Ian and goes, "Finally, I thought she'd never leave."

• 59:12H. Foley?

  Wait, did he really say that?

• 59:15H. Foley?

  Gang, we love you.

• 59:16Speaker 02

  Peace.