Trashy Christmas Special w/ Kippy & Foley!

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a Trashy Christmas Special! We're opening presents, shaming the ones we love and answering your Christmas questions! It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG & Friends: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Mint Mobile: To get this new customer offer, go to https://mintmobile.com/garbage VIIA: Try VIIA! https://viia.co/GARBAGE and use code GARBAGE! Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Gang, before we get the episode started, let's talk to you about Mint Mobile, baby.

• 0:03Speaker 01

  Oo wee!

• 0:04H. Foley?

  You heard us talking about it, one of the best in the biz, Mint Mobile. Fifteen dollars a month when you sign up. Absolutely fantastic, 5G network. You like that, Ryan Reynolds? Sure, go look again. Get Mint Mobile.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, to get this new customer offer, go to mintmobile.com/garbage. Forty-five dollar upfront payment is required, which is the equivalent of fifteen dollars a month for the first three months on plans only. Speeds slower above forty gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Do it.

• 0:31H. Foley?

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:58Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:58H. Foley?

  Little show we sit there with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's good to be classy.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03H. Foley?

  Or to just a big old piece of trash.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Oh, whoa, whoa.

• 1:05H. Foley?

  That's right, baby. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. Merry Christmas to everybody.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Yeah!

• 1:11H. Foley?

  We're out back here at Toody's in a new addition. She has started the holiday off on the wrong foot.

• 1:16Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 1:17H. Foley?

  Little trip to the emergency room.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:19H. Foley?

  She says it's her back, but I know her guy's out of town.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  It sounds like drug-seeking behavior.

• 1:24H. Foley?

  Exactly. What the security guard at Lankinall told me. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world, and I'll tell you what, he's a gift that keeps on giving all year long. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  What up, gang? First of all, happy fucking holidays.

• 1:50H. Foley?

  Get you a slaying some reindeer.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes. Also over there on Spotify too, get in there, start rating and reviewing Juice O's numbers.

• 2:01H. Foley?

  Let's go.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Uh, full video available on YouTube and obviously the greatest website of all time. A Christmas miracle, some would say.

• 2:08H. Foley?

  We love you, gang.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  Shout out to Sam, Yam, Jack Conte and all the Army Garbage over there on Patreon.com/ArrieGarbage. Go over there and get all your holiday bonus content, gang.

• 2:17H. Foley?

  Yes, sir, gang. We cannot thank you enough for a fantastic year. We hope everybody's having a fantastic Christmas.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  I'm tanking over here. What are you talking about?

• 2:25H. Foley?

  By the time you hear this, I'll be in Hawaii with the family.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  And I'll be on a nine-hour flight back to fucking JFK.

• 2:31H. Foley?

  Hey, my bad. I'm at... I assume we'll be at some Thai restaurant or something like that, whatever the hell's open on Christmas.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  I'm gonna be looking for my bags at Philly International. Getting jammed up, dude. Fucking, the hot, man, I'm the gift, you are the gift that keeps giving and it's cold every, every frickin' time.

• 2:53H. Foley?

  I can't wait to see how mad they all are. We don't got a reservation or nothing. It's gonna be like a Corona commercial. We're gonna be sitting on the beach fucking sipping warm beers.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  Trying to show up, get a reservation. I got 68. Can you fit us in?

• 3:07H. Foley?

  Ah, man, the jam up Christmas of 2024. Brought to you by H Foley Incorporated.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Wouldn't be anything, it was so funny. We did that, uh, that park show was the last show of the year. Shout out to everybody that came out. Um, my, everybody, cause you do a bit about it. Everybody's like, is he really getting married in Hawaii on Christmas? I said, you better fucking believe he is. Screwing me!

• 3:33H. Foley?

  That and the people pulling you aside. It's getting big.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  That was a, that was a big talk of, uh, big talk of the town. I had my, so after that-

• 3:41H. Foley?

  Hey, you tell those fucking Philly dirt balls to zip it.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  They said, I look like an Adonis next to you.

• 3:47H. Foley?

  Goddamn answer party, be paying that till 2026.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, to fucking, um-

• 3:52H. Foley?

  Fuck, I dropped my cap. Luke!

• 3:56Speaker 01

  I, uh, I got something I want to rung by, because this is very, I feel, in your neck of the woods when it comes to the, uh, you know, the holidays and the Christmas season. Um...

• 4:06H. Foley?

  Your dad left and your mom's not talking to you?

• 4:09Speaker 01

  That's pretty much, yeah, that's, that's been it. That's been it for about 15 years. No, um, so every year, this has been since the kids have gotten a little older, the, the grandkids.

• 4:20H. Foley?

  Okay. What can you be talking about? Giving a stroke?

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Since my, my nieces and nephews got a little older, they, they like the theme stuff. "Oh, we're gonna do ugly sweaters on, on Christmas." We, we celebrate Christmas Eve together as a family. Everybody goes their separate ways.

• 4:34H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Um...

• 4:36H. Foley?

  Hot dog roller and some stretch offs. Maybe a, maybe a fist fight or two.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  Nah, me and my brother, we've been great. It's been going real well.

• 4:45H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  Um, but, they want to do, everyone wears holiday pajamas to the party, which seems a little sexual to me.

• 4:58H. Foley?

  You're not wearing negligees.

• 5:00Speaker 01

  I don't know, man, just to...

• 5:02H. Foley?

  Your mom's got a little teddy on?

• 5:04Speaker 01

  A little, little nighty. Just like, uh, I don't know, I just like...

• 5:08H. Foley?

  You shoe up dressed like a French maid?

• 5:11H. Foley?

  I'm sorry.

• 5:12Speaker 01

  Thought we were doing fantasies.

• 5:14H. Foley?

  Who wants to...

• 5:15Speaker 01

  I'm stuck in, I'm stuck in the garbage disposal.

• 5:18H. Foley?

  Who wants to hold my butt, my butt plug fob?

• 5:23Speaker 01

  It just seems a little not... And they, they were, I was getting called the Grinch, "You're not, you're no fun," but I'm like, because I'm like, I'm not putting on, I don't know, it's just too...

• 5:33H. Foley?

  You guys did this. You had this party.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:35H. Foley?

  Did they show, did everybody show up wearing PJs?

• 5:38Speaker 01

  Some did. So a lot of the adults vetoed. The kids, that's a kids thing.

• 5:41H. Foley?

  But don't...

• 5:42Speaker 01

  We're grown men in our 40s, sitting around and with our fucking, you know, fucking sausage flopping around, eating, trying to eat a overcooked, a fucking well-done piece of steak.

• 5:51H. Foley?

  What'd you go, commando? Just a thin layer of plaid separating the...

• 5:55Speaker 01

  I got a nighty on.

• 5:56H. Foley?

  And a felony?

• 5:57Speaker 01

  My dick and balls are hanging out the bottom. Oh, sorry about that.

• 6:01H. Foley?

  You got your sheathes on?

• 6:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:03H. Foley?

  I don't want to disparage the family name by any stretch of the imagination, but...

• 6:08Speaker 01

  I think if you're having company over, you put on a pair of slacks. It's freaking Jesus's birthday.

• 6:12H. Foley?

  Well, don't take this the wrong way, but don't...

• 6:14Speaker 01

  I'm going to.

• 6:14H. Foley?

  Don't most of your family drink in their pajamas?

• 6:17Speaker 01

  What?

• 6:18H. Foley?

  Isn't that a normal thing?

• 6:22H. Foley?

  You're fa- you- you- come on. You're- you're- you're- you're-

• 6:25Speaker 01

  We're not Eddie from- from Vegas vacation. What are you talking about?

• 6:29H. Foley?

  Those Old Navy bottoms and a- and a- and a starter jacket.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  No, we do jeans. Most guys do jeans and a sweater. That's what we're doing. And, uh, it just seems sli- I don't know. It's like, just put on a pair of- ah, it's not for me.

• 6:45H. Foley?

  Cold out there.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  I- it's just what I'm talking about. I better not put my best foot forward.

• 6:50H. Foley?

  So you didn't do it?

• 6:50Speaker 01

  I didn't do it. Most of the guys didn't do it. The- the kids did. But I was just- they're like, all the- all the- all the girls, the, you know, my- my sisters and sister-in-law, and they're like, "Oh, we're doing it." I'm like, "I ain't fucking- I'm not sitting there, grown men." That's like what you- that's what you wear to Franklin Mills Mall to cop a bag.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  That's what you use to go steal polos from the factory outlet. I'm not wearing that shit.

• 7:13H. Foley?

  You're on the body cam. I was Christmas shopping. What are you talking about?

• 7:17Speaker 01

  I'm not doing it. And also too, we have, uh, we had our, uh, we have our annual Sullivan Christmas party, which is about 200 people.

• 7:24H. Foley?

  I thought this is what you were talking about.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  No, that- no, no.

• 7:26H. Foley?

  Oh, they want to do this for Christmas?

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Christmas Eve.

• 7:28H. Foley?

  Oh, okay. I'm sorry.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  No, I'm not sitting there with all my cousins and shit.

• 7:32H. Foley?

  I thought you were talk- oh, well, that's nice. You could do that.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  Someone shows up in boxers and a beater.

• 7:39H. Foley?

  I gotta take a dump. I'm sorry. I was confused. I thought-

• 7:42Speaker 01

  No, not that one.

• 7:43H. Foley?

  I know you do the annual, uh, Christmas party with the whole family. I thought you meant all them wanting you to show up. You can't be drinking at a fucking, uh, VFW in fucking pajamas.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  We upgraded this year. We were- we used to do Polonia, the- the Polonia Polish Hall up there, uh, on the outskirts of- of Port Richmond. Bridesburg.

• 8:03H. Foley?

  They're all out on the front. Clothes for the weekend.

• 8:06Speaker 01

  We, um, we switched it up to the Plumbers Union Hall.

• 8:11H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  The waterfall room.

• 8:13H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was-

• 8:15H. Foley?

  Just a bunch of busted pipes.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  I'm in there with a- I'm in there with a pipe wrench. I can't get it.

• 8:21H. Foley?

  Just on a side note, I've, I have, my algorithm has been serving me up, uh, plumbers fix and shit on YouTube. Oh, man, that's fascinating.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  It's just all my uncles and shit.

• 8:32H. Foley?

  They're bitching about the glass guy that did the job and they got me out there on a Friday night. I told them what it was gonna cost, they gave me pushback and da, da, da, da, da.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  That's what 90%, so we, we had that Christmas party, uh, went to that. All the girl, all the, the wives all sit together, watch the kids and all the guys just hang out by the bar posted up. And I mean, it is like shop talk 101, dude.

• 8:55H. Foley?

  Smoke cigarettes and burp on each other.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Dude, so then Gary can't get me the boiler in time, so I'm ass, I'm ass backwards in his job.

• 9:02H. Foley?

  Those Swedish meatball burps must be fucking brutal.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  Shout out my cousin Kevin, holiday surprise, he, he was doing side work with a miter saw for some broad and cut his finger off.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  He took it clean off, clean off. So we're sitting there, just as you do on holiday, Christmas Eve.

• 9:21H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 9:22Speaker 01

  He's showing everybody the, look at this, I'm like, god damn it dude, trying to keep my Swedish meatballs down over here.

• 9:28H. Foley?

  Instead of doing the elf on the shelf, he puts his finger around the house.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Just starts, starts moving it.

• 9:33H. Foley?

  Scares the kids. Um, I apologize, if that's what they want to do, Christmas Eve, yeah, that's, you'll be at somebody's house. Get comfy.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  I'm not leaving my house in pajamas if I'm not just going to grab a quick berry, a quick pack of heaters. That's what pajamas are, going over your house, what I mean? I mean, when we wear, uh, you know, flannel pants and a pair of dress shoes, that don't, that don't make no sense. It's not supposed to be worn outside, except, um, you know, emergencies. That's good for the kids, we're, we're in our 40s, grown men sitting around in their pajamas.

• 10:08H. Foley?

  Speaking of which, Luke looks like he got fired at the office Christmas party. Don't you look at you.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  It's been a tough year.

• 10:15H. Foley?

  Made a pass at a secretary or something like that.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  Why? She was giving me the eyes.

• 10:20H. Foley?

  It's the boss's daughter, she's still shaking off from Santa con, look at that thing, jeez, look like you slept in the back of a Corvette last night. Hickeys all over you.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:30H. Foley?

  Ah. I like that.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I vetoed it.

• 10:33H. Foley?

  Hey, can I tell you this? Merry Christmas, boys.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  Merry Christmas, gang. We fucking love yous. Uh, shout out to another fucking awesome year. Shout out to the fucking homies and the bozos. Uh, and I mean, yeah, ah, what do you want? I say we get into the Christmas.

• 10:47H. Foley?

  Get my presents!

• 10:48Speaker 01

  We get into the presents. That's why we're here, the rubber.

• 10:50H. Foley?

  Fucking stalling it.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  So as you know, if you've been following the saga of the Christmas extravaganza, there's been some ups and some downs, some bumps in the night, some bumps in the road.

• 11:01H. Foley?

  Goddamn Bastel sitting there from four years ago.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Some bumps in the bathroom. Hello. It's a white.

• 11:07H. Foley?

  It's Christmas!

• 11:08Speaker 01

  It's a white Christmas, gang, if you come into my Christmas party.

• 11:11H. Foley?

  It's a white Christmas all year round.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  Um, so this year, we decided to change it a little bit.

• 11:17H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  Um, because we had, listen, we have bought each other a lot of gifts, some that we like, some that we don't like.

• 11:26H. Foley?

  I wore your Christmas gift.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  I haven't seen, you just busted that out for now, though.

• 11:30H. Foley?

  No, no, I've been wearing it.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  That's a real dirt.

• 11:31H. Foley?

  No, I've been wearing it.

• 11:32Speaker 01

  I haven't, dude, I saw today.

• 11:34H. Foley?

  The other one I wore once, that toy watch he got me.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  See, though, he's talking shit.

• 11:39H. Foley?

  Remember that thing last year?

• 11:41Speaker 01

  Sorry, not everyone wears those five X clothes.

• 11:44H. Foley?

  Dump that in the trash can for Uncle Leo. Deep cut.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  So also, like, you know, we've got each other presents last year, and you're like, oh, this is sick, but then they kind of just live at the studio. We've never, we've never really used them.

• 11:58H. Foley?

  Luke, go get my Lego. Putting that thing together.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  Which I think Ryan D is listed on Craigslist at the moment. Um, so we wanted to do something a little different, something a little more nostalgic of our, of child, you know, we're not good gift givers, really.

• 12:16H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 12:18H. Foley?

  I think I am.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 12:22H. Foley?

  You still haven't used that pizza oven I got you last year.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  You haven't used anything anybody's gotten you.

• 12:26H. Foley?

  I need the watch on.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  You gave me, first of all, the pizza oven's about 98 pounds. How the fuck am I getting?

• 12:31H. Foley?

  Oh, I'm sorry, I bought you quality.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  Stainless steel.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  That's gonna get concrete reinforced.

• 12:37H. Foley?

  Why don't you get the mold out of the house? You better be fucking putting out Zaz like Krissy Pizza.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  I'm looking forward to it. Um, so this year we wanted to do something a little more nostalgic.

• 12:47H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  So we got, uh, instead of, uh, we got each other gifts as a team. So like me and Foley got Luke gifts, Luke and Foley got me gifts, me and Luke got Foley gifts.

• 12:56H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  And I think I knocked it out of the park.

• 13:00H. Foley?

  With everybody?

• 13:00Speaker 01

  On you, if I'm being more specific.

• 13:03H. Foley?

  Well, you better. I'm gonna be very difficult to be around. I will, I'm not, listen, I am known for throwing tantrums.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  I know.

• 13:10H. Foley?

  I told the story on, uh, on Honeydew about the Christmas that I was playing my brother's toy because I didn't get what I wanted. And my parents ended up getting into a huge fight and my dad pulled out of the driveway for a couple hours. And my mom laid there on the couch listening to Lionel Richie. And she got that album that year. I can't hear that song without having a fucking massive panic attack all night long.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  Ah! Screaming.

• 13:33H. Foley?

  Hello! It sends me right into it.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  That's what the holidays are about, baby.

• 13:39H. Foley?

  That's right.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  Trauma.

• 13:43H. Foley?

  Repressed Felix.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  I was talking about my mom, we were down there, we were talking about how my wife is very int- she's never met my father, my wife.

• 13:54H. Foley?

  Obviously.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  So she's very interested in the breakdown of communicate, like what the relationship has been. And Christmas, we were talking, it was always such an indicator of how the year was going for like, for the family unit.

• 14:08H. Foley?

  Got you.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  Because some years it'd be me, my brother, my sister go over there. We'd wake up at my mom's, whatever, whatever. My brother's sister, as they were older, we'd all drive over.

• 14:16H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Then it'd be like, it'd just be me and Danny one year because her, my sister and him were beefing. Then it would just be me, then it would just be Dan. It was like, there was one Christmas where we were all together.

• 14:29H. Foley?

  Would he decorate it all over there?

• 14:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, he did a tree that was always too big. That was about it. That's really what he did.

• 14:37H. Foley?

  The single dad getting the big tree.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, he had to really wow us. Here you go, here you go. He'd sit there.

• 14:43H. Foley?

  Stole this from the mall.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  He would sit there and crank heaters while we opened presents.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got you the extra large, you got a little big this year. Just steamrolling a mar bread in the living room. Him and my stepmom cooking them, just roasting them. Just like.

• 15:01H. Foley?

  Tree's dead?

• 15:05H. Foley?

  Possum just falls out of it.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  Smell like a goddamn forest fire in there.

• 15:09H. Foley?

  Woo, nothing like a heater in the winter.

• 15:12H. Foley?

  Reeking when you walk back in.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Um, but yeah, so, so what?

• 15:16H. Foley?

  We did it, we did it, uh...

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Yes, please, explain.

• 15:19H. Foley?

  We did it according to...

• 15:21Speaker 01

  Our childhood.

• 15:21H. Foley?

  Age bracket. So you guys got me stuff from the, from the 60s?

• 15:27H. Foley?

  Got me some lead paint?

• 15:28Speaker 01

  It's, it's a cup and ball on a string.

• 15:33H. Foley?

  The Bay of Pigs playset.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Just got your roll of pennies to pitch?

• 15:38H. Foley?

  Goddamn Kennedy really screwed them, huh? There's no air support.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  Talk about a screw job.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Um...

• 15:46H. Foley?

  Uh oh, Castro's taking the beach.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Lose your turn.

• 15:57H. Foley?

  A Jack Ruby doll?

• 15:59Speaker 01

  The deep cut?

• 16:00H. Foley?

  I don't think so.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  This whole thing's a setup.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Hey, get a little many book depositor, depositor.

• 16:08H. Foley?

  I want to be Governor Connally. That was a deep cut.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  I want to be House Representative Steinfeld, what?

• 16:16H. Foley?

  He was in on it.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  Obviously, he's the one who pulled the trigger.

• 16:20H. Foley?

  And we got you stuff from the...

• 16:21Speaker 01

  So we got you stuff from the 80s of when we, we tried to pick...

• 16:23H. Foley?

  And Luke stuff from three weeks ago.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, which is crazy to try to buy, because that stuff, so we, we were like, alright, when was everybody 10 around that age? What was the hot stuff? So for you, that would have been mid 80s, for me, it would have been mid 90s.

• 16:37H. Foley?

  Disco and lewds.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  Get you some disco biscuits.

• 16:41H. Foley?

  Got me a VIP table in Studio 54 for me and my boys getting back from NOM.

• 16:49H. Foley?

  What year were you born?

• 16:51Speaker 01

  1997.

• 16:52H. Foley?

  It's crazy.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, so we did like mid, we tried mid 2000s.

• 16:56H. Foley?

  Man, I was on heavy drugs already, a young whippersnapper coming into the world.

• 17:00Speaker 01

  Sure, that's not something you should...

• 17:02H. Foley?

  Platinum spoon in his mouth. Old Cutler reset. Okay, and you early 2000s?

• 17:08Speaker 01

  What?

• 17:08H. Foley?

  Right?

• 17:09Speaker 01

  No, mid 90s.

• 17:10H. Foley?

  Mid 90s, right.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  Think you're having an acid flashback.

• 17:15H. Foley?

  Hey man. Kim, let's talk about DraftKings.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  DraftKings.

• 17:19H. Foley?

  Gang, as you know, football has a way of turning one game into a full week of conversation and DraftKings keeps you close to it all. DraftKings Sports App is now live in all 50 states. I'll say it again, DraftKings Sports App is now live in all 50 states. We're talking everywhere, baby. Follow the teams you love, keep up with the biggest games, and experience the excitement of football all week long.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, one app, every sport, all 50 states. New DraftKings customers, sign up with code AYG. Spend just $5 and get $200 in rewards with the 21 Days, includes all markets. That's code AYG in partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. 1-800-MYRESSET. Connecticut? Call 888-789-7777. Visit ccpg.org on Half a Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet, tax, pass through may apply in Illinois. 21+, void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings predictions involves a risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions all for void in New York. Bet to get bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get prediction dollars that expire in one year.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  $50 in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for 21 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at dkng.co offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on sportsbook predictions and free to play sports contest availability varies by state. Now, back to the show.

• 18:44H. Foley?

  Back to the show.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  It's me, the.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  We don't need the jingle twice. Stop it. This is about vacation inflation and how Priceline negotiates amazing deals on hotels, flights, and rental cars.

• 19:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I didn't mention that you can save up to 60% off hotels in the Priceline app.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  Fine. No one deals more deals than. Please stop. Touche. Priceline.

• 19:15H. Foley?

  Kim, let's talk about Viya.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  Viya.

• 19:18H. Foley?

  Gang, need a break from the crowded stores and the endless gift lift? Your story, your zen, and embrace. Embrace the natural power of hemp this holiday season with Viya.

• 19:26Speaker 01

  Viya.

• 19:26H. Foley?

  This holiday season unwind and recharge with Viya. Whether you're enjoying a quiet evening at home or embracing the festive cheer, Viya's premium THC and TH-free gummies will help you find your perfect holiday balance.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, unlock the power of nature with Viya's organic and vegan hemp extracts, perfect for relaxation and rejuvenation. Viya is the only lifestyle hemp brand that uses compounds found in hemp along with active plant extracts to create products, each with a specific effect in mind. Whether you want to get better sleep, ease anxiety, enhance your mood, or just get high, they have something for you. How you doing, baby girl? This holiday season, gift yourself some peace of mind. If you're 21 years and over, check out the link to Viya in our description and use the code GARBAGE to receive 15% off. After your purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them and you know, tell them the boy sent you. Please support our show and tell them we sent you.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  This holiday season, enhance every day with Viya. Code garbage, 15%. Do it.

• 20:28H. Foley?

  Kippy, Shopify.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  Shopify, Shopify.

• 20:31H. Foley?

  Do you use Shopify?

• 20:33Speaker 01

  Baby, are you garbage.com is a Shopify website, dog.

• 20:36H. Foley?

  Man, if you're looking to grow your online store, you need Shopify.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, we got a lot of guys out there, a lot of guys and girls that own.

• 20:44H. Foley?

  A lot of hustlers out there trying to step the game up.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, they got some sort of business where they're selling stuff online. Shopify is for you, gang.

• 20:51H. Foley?

  We use it.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  I don't know how else to say it. We use Shopify.

• 20:54H. Foley?

  You bought a t-shirt, a pack of cards? Shopify, baby.

• 20:57Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:58H. Foley?

  Shopify.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Nobody tells selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet.

• 21:03H. Foley?

  Number one.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  And with Shop Pay, they have Shop Pay, which boosts conversions up to 50%, baby, meaning less carts going on, less carts going abandoned and way more sales going up.

• 21:14H. Foley?

  Closing deals.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  So if you're growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever customers are scrolling and strolling on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. They got you covered. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout, which we have. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com/garbage. All lowercase, by the way. Don't go, don't go uppercase like a dork.

• 21:39H. Foley?

  Don't fuck this up.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  All lowercase. Go to Shopify.com/garbage. Upgrade your son today. Shopify.com/garbage. Do it. Uh, alright, so here, let me, uh, let's do Luke first.

• 21:48H. Foley?

  Let's do Luke.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Luke has his over there.

• 21:51H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, so Luke, Luke can open up. Do the kids first, then the parents go.

• 21:56H. Foley?

  Of course, I wanna go last.

• 21:57Speaker 03

  Is there one I should open up first? I guess Ryan D did them, but...

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Open up the little one first.

• 22:02H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  That's the big one.

• 22:04H. Foley?

  Dumbass. Wait, don't, don't open the big one!

• 22:07Speaker 01

  I just said the li- these fucking kids don't listen nowadays.

• 22:10H. Foley?

  Fucking brat, you wanna ruin Christmas?

• 22:11Speaker 01

  Uh, I guess that might be a little bigger.

• 22:12H. Foley?

  Is that what you wanna do?

• 22:13Speaker 01

  I see what you're doing.

• 22:14H. Foley?

  Is that what you wanna do? You wanna ruin Christmas?

• 22:16Speaker 01

  Wait, somebody get me a Marlboro Red. I mean, let's make this thing authentic, dude.

• 22:22H. Foley?

  I dressed the way my dad did every year for Christmas.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  I don't know if you know what this is. You probably don't.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  I was a huge Bakugan kid.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  No shit!

• 22:34Speaker 03

  Fuck yes!

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Let's go! Dude, I felt like such an omega, I don't know what this is, but it said the kids loved it. It was big in 2007.

• 22:42Speaker 03

  Bakugan had a year in like 2008.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was 2008, dude.

• 22:46H. Foley?

  Do I need chopsticks for this?

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Dude, I was thinking, it came from Taiwan, I don't know.

• 22:51Speaker 03

  Yo, we can battle, we're gonna battle later.

• 22:52Speaker 01

  So it's like, what is it? It's like BattleBots? It's like you spin tops or something?

• 22:55Speaker 03

  Do you remember Beyblades?

• 22:56H. Foley?

  It show everybody!

• 22:58Speaker 03

  I did.

• 22:59Speaker 01

  There you go. It's like Beyblade.

• 23:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, where you like rip it, like a lawnmower kind of, and like it shoots out.

• 23:05H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah!

• 23:05Speaker 03

  And then they fight each other in like the little ring.

• 23:07H. Foley?

  Oh, that's alright.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  Hey, I just got stoked. I just saw Luke's face. Ah, there you go. Christmas, that's it. That's all it's worth. What the kids, see the look on the kids' face?

• 23:14Speaker 03

  That's fucking sick, boys.

• 23:16H. Foley?

  Makes it all worthwhile. Make sure you red, uh, clean up your paper. I'm not going around cleaning up wrapping.

• 23:20Speaker 03

  Throw it in the fire.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  Which is the pro move. We do, that is a head.

• 23:24H. Foley?

  Yeah, if you had a fireplace, you fucking bastard. We threw it on the neighbor's lawn.

• 23:30H. Foley?

  For barking in our spot.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  Alright, that was...

• 23:33H. Foley?

  It's the big one!

• 23:34Speaker 01

  This one, you have to know what this is, I feel already.

• 23:36H. Foley?

  You know what this is right now?

• 23:39Speaker 03

  Broke a couple ankles on these in the past.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, the Razor.

• 23:43H. Foley?

  Look at ya!

• 23:44Speaker 01

  The Razor scooter.

• 23:45H. Foley?

  I wanna see you riding that around.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  I'm taking that for a Sig run, dude.

• 23:49H. Foley?

  And don't leave that in the fucking driveway. Break my fucking neck.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  At least now I'm getting home tonight.

• 23:53Speaker 01

  Zipping around.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  That's sick. Thank you, boys.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  They were, that would, they hit mid 2000s, they were a hot.

• 23:59H. Foley?

  And in tradition of the mid 2000s, no helmet, no knee pads, no elbow pads.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  Raw.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Raw dogging it. Alright, get me mine.

• 24:07Speaker 03

  Thank you, boys. Fucking love them.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:10H. Foley?

  Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  It's gonna take three minutes.

• 24:16H. Foley?

  Now!

• 24:18H. Foley?

  Uh, Kippy's in the middle.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, these, I gotta be honest, there's about three that look real small and I'm not happy about it. There better be keys to a fucking Lexus in there. Fucking sign and drive event.

• 24:31H. Foley?

  That, that, I'll give you, that's, that's from our good pal Ryan D.

• 24:34Speaker 01

  This is from our boy Ryan D. This is for Hansy Ponzi Shyamalam. Hang on a second. Oh shit, he got him! Wow. Talk about the Marlboro Reds, how you done! Ah, that's so cute. That's great. So shout out to everybody that sent me these. There's a viral dog toy going around where you give your dog your ears and they run around. It's the cutest thing in the world. That's pretty good.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 24:54Speaker 01

  That's great.

• 24:55Speaker 03

  We were just talking about that a week ago.

• 24:56Speaker 01

  Uh huh, that's awesome. Shout out to Ryan D for doing that. Ryan D also did all the lovely decorations. And all the wrapping of the presents. And all the wrapping of the presents. Like a true broad. Couldn't, couldn't, uh, couldn't operate without him. We love our Ryan D. Alright. Mr. Pants. Is there an order to these? And also who did the picking out? Cause that was me. I landed those on ya. Who did the picking out? Let me see that.

• 25:19Speaker 03

  I think dude...

• 25:20Speaker 01

  That goes last?

• 25:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  I think I have an idea if I'm being honest with ya.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  Can open that one first.

• 25:31Speaker 01

  If it's socks, I'm gonna be pissed. Actually, I got a pair of dirty socks on right now. I can use, you change mid-show? We'll be right back, folks.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  Oh shit! There you go. Soccer, soccer boppers. I think these are knockoffs. I think it was sockum boppums, wasn't it? You guys got me the fucking knock. You tucked the bezos, Nick Ken.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  Shout out to the Ro- I think it was Rock- no, that was Rockum Sockum Robots. Just don't punch too hard, they got asbestos inside. More, more fun than a pillow fight, dude. These started World War III, IV, V. You should've got two so you could've fought. Yeah, that's sweet, no. Settle the score. We would just, one pair is two boppers and a repair patch, cause you start throwing hands on these things, they pop heavy. What you do is you eat...

• 26:17H. Foley?

  Each get one.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then you just.

• 26:19H. Foley?

  You don't do righties.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  You do like the old Irish guys, you tie your one hand together and just start fucking meet in the center of the ring and have at it. But these things are dangerous because you catch, you catch the seam on these, that'll cut.

• 26:30H. Foley?

  Cut your face.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  Enough torque will cut you. That's sick. I never had them.

• 26:34H. Foley?

  My little cousin caught me the nuts with them one year. You can open that one next.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  It's a big target. This is, uh, this is sick. I've never had these. Never had them. Always wanted them, but.

• 26:44H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  No way Denise was going, I'm gonna, like, that's.

• 26:47Speaker 03

  I mean, you and Danny.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  God, I would have been, and also like, because he just would have warmed and just beat the brakes off me, you know what I mean? I wouldn't even got the bunch back.

• 26:54H. Foley?

  Let me see this real quick.

• 26:56Speaker 01

  That's all, that's, man, that's really sick. Home frickin' run. Air inflated for soft, safe, fun. I don't think so.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  It's kind of the Mandela Effect, because that's the real name. I thought it was Rock'em, Sock'em too, but those, it's soccer, soccer boppers.

• 27:12Speaker 01

  Soccer, because it was Rock'em, Sock'em Robots. And I thought these were just Sock'em Boppers, but soccer.

• 27:17H. Foley?

  That's the name, right?

• 27:18Speaker 01

  That's their name, man. Says the original, Soccer Boppers.

• 27:20H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  Tightrope bop. Two players stand with both feet on a string or line. Use one soccer bopper inflatable boxing pillow. Put your other hand behind your back.

• 27:31H. Foley?

  This is what the travelers in Ireland use.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  This is five points rule, dude. This is, this is, this is the butcher does this stuff.

• 27:39H. Foley?

  And make sure you take your ear as a trophy.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Uh, inflatable boxing pillow. Put the other hand behind your back. The first one to fall off the line loses.

• 27:45H. Foley?

  Oh, there you go.

• 27:46Speaker 01

  One foot sock. Two players, each place one foot on the same piece of paper or other flat object. That foot must stay stationary. The other foot can move wherever you desire. Use both gloves and swing away. First player to move the stationary foot or fall off the paper loses.

• 28:00H. Foley?

  I'm surprised they still manufacture those. It's crazy.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  I know. Warning, do not use excessive force to pull your hand out of soccer boppers. This could cause arm injury. If you experience difficulty removing your hand from soccer boppers, deflate to let the air out before attempting to remove your hand. Is a children's toy not designed for adult use? We're gonna put that to the test. Used by adults could cause injuries. Do not hit anyone's face or eyes. What?

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Play only in open areas away from sharp objects you could fall and avoid contact with sharp hot surfaces.

• 28:30H. Foley?

  Do not.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  Hot surfaces.

• 28:31H. Foley?

  Do not use to settle disputes.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Do not use to settle minor debts.

• 28:36H. Foley?

  Alright, you can open this one next.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 28:37H. Foley?

  This is your big one.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  I have a feeling I can clock that one.

• 28:42H. Foley?

  Who says that?

• 28:43Speaker 01

  I do. It's a goddamn comedy pod- what are you, my dad?

• 28:46H. Foley?

  What do you think it is?

• 28:47Speaker 01

  By the way, I think I paid for all these. If we're being honest.

• 28:51H. Foley?

  That's not true.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  They all came in my name.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  You used my Amazon account.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  You didn't even try to throw me off the scent. I was getting emails.

• 29:04H. Foley?

  Where's this big screen TV?

• 29:07Speaker 01

  What?

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Oh shit, the Tamagotchi, the original virtual reality pet.

• 29:14H. Foley?

  That's for you and the other- You and the other girls at the sleepovers.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  I had one.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  They were big, dude.

• 29:21Speaker 03

  I loved mine.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  Soft. I mean, we were wait- what did they come back?

• 29:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, they were- they came back heavy.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  Nah.

• 29:26H. Foley?

  Really, you had one too?

• 29:28Speaker 01

  Eight or nine, they were impossible to get. Like, you would go to stores, they're like, "No, we're out, we're out, we're out."

• 29:32H. Foley?

  Not this time.

• 29:33Speaker 01

  I had- now you're fucking- they got a backlog and they back order these things. I was able to- somebody was able to realize that you could change the date on it? And you could just- because it was like, "Hey, mine's a day old, two days old, a week old", that you could change the date on it? And it would just make it like 150 years old and you would like win the game or whatever. That's pretty sick, that's very of the time.

• 29:53H. Foley?

  We're gonna be watching.

• 29:55Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 29:55H. Foley?

  Make sure you take good care of it. And then this is your big gift.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 29:59H. Foley?

  Okay?

• 30:00Speaker 01

  The big one.

• 30:00H. Foley?

  And then a little something to go with it.

• 30:04H. Foley?

  Stop it!

• 30:05Speaker 01

  What?

• 30:06H. Foley?

  Ruining everything. Just open it, shut up.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  Man, you are just your mother. You just are. Just negative, no fun.

• 30:13H. Foley?

  I got a goddamn quiche in the oven, it's gonna be burnt.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  Everybody knows you're just re-eating pizza in there.

• 30:21H. Foley?

  We are having quiche, right?

• 30:23Speaker 01

  I was promised a quiche.

• 30:24H. Foley?

  We always had a quiche.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  Oh shit. A Craig. It's a disc, man. A personal CD player.

• 30:33H. Foley?

  Hold on, isn't it a Craig?

• 30:35Speaker 01

  It's a Craig, dude. A personal CD player.

• 30:38H. Foley?

  You're getting a Craig, man.

• 30:39Speaker 01

  With earphones. You're getting a Craig. You're getting a Craig.

• 30:43H. Foley?

  We couldn't get the Sony here in time.

• 30:45Speaker 01

  You didn't have enough quiche on ya? What, my card was no good? Man, talk about an uncle trying to... There's nothing about kids. A Craig.

• 30:56H. Foley?

  Those are just porn DVDs. To go with it.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  What's the skip-proof on this thing?

• 31:03Speaker 01

  I don't even have... This is... Dude, this was bad for fucking 96.

• 31:07H. Foley?

  You need to be standing perfectly still.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Would you guys get a time machine to find this? This thing stinks.

• 31:15H. Foley?

  What are you talking about?

• 31:18Speaker 01

  A Craig? You guys got me a Craig? I own a goddamn production company. I can't be walking around with a Greg.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  Every Greg I know has a perk addiction.

• 31:30H. Foley?

  The Sony's wouldn't come in in time.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  Dude, they're gonna think I'm a terrorist walking around with this thing. This is a dead giveaway of a Russian guy trying to fit in. No, thank you very much.

• 31:41H. Foley?

  You're welcome. You're gonna love this.

• 31:44Speaker 01

  I'm assuming it's a CD?

• 31:45H. Foley?

  Some batteries.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  It feels like a double disc. Am I right?

• 31:49H. Foley?

  No.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  Or it's two different ones?

• 31:52H. Foley?

  Now, look at you. You work for the school newspaper. Open the goddamn thing.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  Gimme your genre.

• 31:58H. Foley?

  Come on.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  Rock?

• 32:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:01H. Foley?

  Come on.

• 32:01Speaker 03

  Oldies.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  Oldie? Well, it's oldies to him.

• 32:04H. Foley?

  We got you Glenn Miller's greatest hits. Open it up. We know what you like.

• 32:08Speaker 01

  Slipknot?

• 32:10Speaker 03

  Steve Miller Band.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  Oh shit!

• 32:15H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 32:18Speaker 01

  G-Unit, beg for mercy. I gotta be honest with ya, I was bumping it yesterday on Spotify. Shout out to Lloyd Banks, 50 Cent, Tony Ayo, and Young Buck. How ya doin'?

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Oh man, this is when a rap group could put out hits. Let me tell ya, this is, I mean...

• 32:37H. Foley?

  This looks pretty good.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  Somebody, what are ya, the Greg?

• 32:40H. Foley?

  There's no play button, but...

• 32:42Speaker 01

  And obviously, get rich or die trying. How do you even get CDs now?

• 32:46H. Foley?

  I don't know how these ear things are gonna fit in your ears. We gotta get batteries too.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Executive producer, Dr. Dre, that thing probably plugs into the wall. What are you talking about? I could walk around with an extension cord.

• 32:58H. Foley?

  Can't go far with it.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  That's awesome. Thank you guys, that's a fucking home run.

• 33:02H. Foley?

  Merry Christmas, pal.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Home frickin' run, gang. Look at this. Alright, lemme see, lemme grab the big man here.

• 33:07H. Foley?

  Yeah, let's go, let's go.

• 33:10Speaker 01

  I forget the order.

• 33:12H. Foley?

  The order? Ooh, there's an order involved. These are Deal-A-Meal cards, I'm gonna be very upset.

• 33:18Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 33:19H. Foley?

  Bunch of Weight Watchers fucking protein bars?

• 33:25Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 33:26H. Foley?

  I'm excited. I like that there's an order.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  Oh, go this, yeah, go this one?

• 33:32H. Foley?

  Ah, this feels like clothes, man. What the fuck? Whoa!

• 33:38Speaker 01

  Wait, don't touch it! There's pews on it all.

• 33:43H. Foley?

  Open this first?

• 33:44Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I think so.

• 33:49H. Foley?

  What the... Whoa, Simon!

• 33:52Speaker 01

  You're gonna hate it, cuz you're never gonna be able to beat it.

• 33:55H. Foley?

  Wow. Never had a Simon. Cousins always had it.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Smart pricks. Trying to embarrass me? Supposed to be the holidays, have a good time.

• 34:05H. Foley?

  I always wanted one.

• 34:06Speaker 01

  That's the OG Simon.

• 34:08H. Foley?

  I forget how you do it. Oh yeah. Push the green?

• 34:11Speaker 01

  And then you gotta do the pattern, right? It was like the original bop it. Ours was bop it.

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Oh god.

• 34:20H. Foley?

  Ah, what the fuck?

• 34:21Speaker 01

  It's like a gorilla trying to get on the internet.

• 34:24H. Foley?

  That's very nice. I always wanted a Simon.

• 34:26Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 34:27H. Foley?

  Look at that.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  Well, I think that should live on the set, if I'm being honest with you.

• 34:30H. Foley?

  No.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:33H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 34:34Speaker 01

  I think this one. I think, I bought these, this is used.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  This is original. Listen, you, we spent the most money on you first.

• 34:42H. Foley?

  Really? What? No way.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  Uh huh. 1985 G.I. Joes.

• 34:50H. Foley?

  Get the fuck outta here.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  A whole crew of them.

• 34:52H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  Whole squadron.

• 34:56H. Foley?

  Damn.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're all individually wrapped. We should've unwrapped them.

• 35:00H. Foley?

  That's a Dreadnought.

• 35:01Speaker 01

  Oh god, that's a garlic knot.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  Here, give me a couple of them, I can unroll them over here.

• 35:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, give me some too, I'll open them up for you. You're killing us here. You can't even get the, you can't even.

• 35:12H. Foley?

  They're all taped up!

• 35:14Speaker 01

  Here, give me, give me two. Let me get them.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  I was in a bidding war on eBay to get these bad boys.

• 35:23H. Foley?

  Are you serious?

• 35:24Speaker 01

  Not really, I did the buy now price. I ordered them like 3 days ago. Here's this guy.

• 35:29H. Foley?

  Gimme, gimme!

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Looks like a porn star.

• 35:32H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  Who's that? You know that guy?

• 35:33H. Foley?

  Nah, it's one of the Dreadnoughts, I don't know his name.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  What are the Dreadnoughts?

• 35:36H. Foley?

  The Dread, oh look, and the little, the dick is broken. That's how you know it's original.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, they're original.

• 35:41H. Foley?

  They break off. That's fucking sweet.

• 35:43Speaker 01

  I had, that one came to my house. Had their little freaky naughty with them.

• 35:48H. Foley?

  The Dreadnoughts were Zartan's boys.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  They G.I. Joes?

• 35:52H. Foley?

  Yeah, Zartan was a, was a, was a Cobra agent. But they came in like the neck.

• 35:57Speaker 01

  So these are bad guys?

• 35:59H. Foley?

  These are, well, these guys are.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Got you bad guy.

• 36:01H. Foley?

  This guy isn't. This is, I can't remember his name.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  Gary.

• 36:04H. Foley?

  No.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  Gary Sinise.

• 36:06H. Foley?

  He's a Native American guy.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  Hey, how are ya?

• 36:12Speaker 01

  Uh, this is a guy. This has gotta be a good guy.

• 36:15H. Foley?

  Let me see.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 36:17H. Foley?

  Yeah, that's like Firefly or somebody like that.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  These guys sound like fucking pork.

• 36:22H. Foley?

  Wow, these are original.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  They're, yeah.

• 36:24H. Foley?

  Man.

• 36:24Speaker 01

  Loose legs.

• 36:25H. Foley?

  I love when they get-

• 36:26Speaker 01

  The rubber band in there probably, right?

• 36:28H. Foley?

  Yeah, the rubber band. I love when they get loose, because that way they can look like they're falling and stuff like that.

• 36:32Speaker 01

  Bend their head, their legs behind their head, really getting all-

• 36:34H. Foley?

  And then we got the doctor. Oh, that's pretty sweet. How are you guys getting these open, by the way?

• 36:38Speaker 01

  We're not slow children. Buddy, you can't open these up. You think you're gonna figure out the Simon? I don't-

• 36:46H. Foley?

  Who the hell's that guy?

• 36:47Speaker 01

  That's my boy Bill.

• 36:49H. Foley?

  Oh, this guy right here? This is Snow Job or something like that.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 36:55H. Foley?

  I had his vehicle.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  It's called a snowball in my videos.

• 36:58H. Foley?

  That's fucking awesome. All the eighties kids out there, this, oh, these are great, fellas. That's fucking awesome. Thank you.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Did the K-Man do it, or did the K-Man do it?

• 37:09H. Foley?

  The K-Man did it. I don't know about this dude, though.

• 37:13Speaker 01

  Guy looks like he's on peyote, dude. Wow.

• 37:17H. Foley?

  Well, put these, put a couple of these up.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:19H. Foley?

  I'll see which ones are my favorites and I'll take a hate.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  I know you like playing with them.

• 37:22H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  I just didn't know enough about them.

• 37:25H. Foley?

  Yeah, this is-

• 37:26Speaker 01

  But I liked the fact that there was an eclectic group. That's why I got them. I'm like, whole like the-

• 37:30H. Foley?

  I can't remember his name, but this guy's a medic.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  Poor bastard called, called it a D-Day.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  Rest in peace, Jenkins.

• 37:39H. Foley?

  Wow, these are really good. And then this, I can't remember this guy's name.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  That's the guy that cried in that commercial. When you threw this, when you threw the beer can out the window.

• 37:48H. Foley?

  He runs a very successful casino in upstate New York. Now, he had a, he had a bird with him. He had a hawk with him. I can't remember his name. Native American G.I. Joe.

• 37:59H. Foley?

  Like winds with something, or?

• 38:04Speaker 03

  Keep guessing.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  Young, young-

• 38:09H. Foley?

  Four feathers?

• 38:10Speaker 03

  Spirit.

• 38:11H. Foley?

  Spirit. Are you sure that's not the name of the bird?

• 38:13Speaker 03

  They said fictional carrots, uh, characters, spirit.

• 38:16H. Foley?

  Okay. Spirit, that's pretty good. Yeah, so he's a good guy, he's a good guy. He's a good guy.

• 38:23Speaker 01

  I was gonna call him splitting sevens.

• 38:27H. Foley?

  I think this might, I can't, I don't know who this guy-

• 38:29Speaker 01

  He might, he might have just been, he might, he might have just jumped in along for the ride. He's from a different outfit.

• 38:33H. Foley?

  That's great. That's a home run. Yeah, I would have, I would like, ten year old, fifty year old me loves it.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 38:41H. Foley?

  What do you got here?

• 38:43Speaker 01

  It's a pair of roller blades.

• 38:44H. Foley?

  It's a pair of ski boots.

• 38:50H. Foley?

  No fucking way.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  I figured, I, I dropped the ball a couple times. I was a bad gift recipient once or twice. Once, really. I had to, had to pull out all the stops for the big man.

• 39:03H. Foley?

  This is it.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  That's the original, dude. Original box. Headquarters Command Center.

• 39:08H. Foley?

  Holy shit.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  G.I. Joe, a real American hero.

• 39:12H. Foley?

  I might start crying.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  P.S. You owe me four hundred and eighty-five dollars.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  I had to fucking overnight that thing, too.

• 39:20H. Foley?

  Is this, is everything in here?

• 39:22Speaker 01

  Open it up. I think so, yeah. It's got, dude, it's got the original tape on it.

• 39:27H. Foley?

  Dude, that's crazy. Definitely got bedbugs in here.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  Oh, man, I didn't think, I don't like old stuff.

• 39:33H. Foley?

  It's all in pieces.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 39:36H. Foley?

  We might have to put this on the set. That is fucking sick.

• 39:38Speaker 01

  I think it's too big. I don't know where it would lay, I think, it's like, I saw the pic, I mean, it's a big...

• 39:44Speaker 01

  That's something else.

• 39:47Speaker 01

  Well, there you go, big dog. Look at that.

• 39:51H. Foley?

  Dude, that's crazy.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  Huh? You never have, remember you saying you never had one, you always wanted one? I got you the old fucking G, dog. Boom!

• 39:59H. Foley?

  I did have one.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  Oh, did you? It was your cousin's or something?

• 40:02H. Foley?

  No. I had one of these. I wanted the plain, but whatever.

• 40:06Speaker 01

  Jesus fucking Christ, you fucking snot-nosed kid.

• 40:10H. Foley?

  I'm kidding.

• 40:12H. Foley?

  I got this. We're living in Wilkes-Barre, Highland Drive.

• 40:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 40:17H. Foley?

  Nineteen-

• 40:20H. Foley?

  Eighty-five, eighty-six.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:23H. Foley?

  Big Christmas.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 40:25H. Foley?

  Got that, got Smurf towels, got a tank. Patty hooked it up. Set everything up real nice. Next day, we went down to my cousin's in Blue Bell. Stayed down there for a couple of days. Drove back to the house at night. Get there, going to the house. They're bringing stuff in, they're doing this, doing that. We used to keep our German Shepherd, Mike, in the laundry room. He was freaking out when we came in.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  Oh, I remember this.

• 40:55H. Foley?

  My dad opens the door. He had scratched the door so bad. Dad's like, "What the fuck is up with this thing?" Puts him on a leash, starts taking him outside. I'm standing on the porch of my house. Two dudes run past me, run out, go out the back window. Two guys had robbed our house. Cops come, this is the first thing I thought of. They stole my fucking G.I. Joe headquarters.

• 41:17Speaker 01

  Oh, shit.

• 41:18H. Foley?

  Yep, because it was all set up. I went over, the boys were safe. Took my mom's wedding ring.

• 41:27H. Foley?

  And a necklace that a dead mother had given her.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  My dad's head stash of PK's was gone.

• 41:33H. Foley?

  They got the floor safe. Uh, yeah, I remember the cops came.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Bonjour, compadre. It's the

• 41:41Speaker 02

  How do I negotiate so many great travel deals? My greatest gadget, the Priceline app. It's got hotel deals, flight deals, rental car deals, all of those deals in a bundle. Deals, game day deals, concert trip deals. No one deals more deals than Priceline. Hold your horses, there's more. The app lets you filter hotels by neighborhood, vibe, star level, and amenities like pools and spas and beachfronts. And, wait, I'm not done. Stop cutting me off.

• 42:07Speaker 04

  LinkedIn is pretty amazing at helping you grow your small business. We cannot make your email response time faster. We can help you sell, market, and hire in one place. We cannot help you find space for your three desk drinks. Why do you have three? And while we can't help you find the perfect volume for your presentation video, LinkedIn can help you find the perfect audience for your business. Grow your small business on LinkedIn. Learn more at LinkedIn.com/smallbusiness.

• 42:38H. Foley?

  And I, dude, I couldn't sleep that night. Because we went upstairs into my parents' bedroom and the curtains were hanging. And you could see a mark where a guy had pulled the curtains because he saw us come in. That's what I'll think about every time I believe in this.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  Man, you are, I mean-

• 42:54H. Foley?

  This is great.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  You are trauma wrapped up-

• 42:56H. Foley?

  This is fucking great. G.I. Joe headquarters.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:00H. Foley?

  Now I can get some other stuff and put it in. I put the tank in there. I'll get the chopper to put behind it.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:05H. Foley?

  Woo wee! I should set up a little playroom here at Tony's.

• 43:08Speaker 01

  No, you should not.

• 43:09H. Foley?

  Yeah, I should!

• 43:10Speaker 01

  This is a place for-

• 43:11H. Foley?

  For people to see when they come in.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  This is a place for work and you don't really do that that much.

• 43:15H. Foley?

  I'm gonna, can I put this on the coffee table?

• 43:17Speaker 01

  No.

• 43:19H. Foley?

  Kitchen table?

• 43:20Speaker 01

  Where am I eating my sandwiches? You know I like my sandwiches.

• 43:24H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 43:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:25H. Foley?

  Happy?

• 43:25Speaker 01

  I'm ecstatic.

• 43:27H. Foley?

  I feel like you've got the short end of the stick.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so too. You got me a fucking Craig. You got me a Craig CD player. I mean, you could at least got me the cassettes for the loom.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  We did drop the ball on that.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  I mean, you know, thank, I'm happy, I'm stoked, shout out to Gene and I'm glad they're getting their residuals. Glad they're wetting their beak, they're getting the royalties on that.

• 43:48H. Foley?

  I'll let you pick one of my guys. Here, you can have that guy.

• 43:52Speaker 01

  No, this guy don't belong. I'm gonna waterboard this guy. Fuck him.

• 43:57H. Foley?

  Can't have this guy. What's this guy? Snow Job?

• 44:01Speaker 01

  That's sexual.

• 44:02H. Foley?

  Something like that.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  It's a snowball.

• 44:04H. Foley?

  Snow, uh, the snowman.

• 44:07Speaker 03

  Snow Job.

• 44:07H. Foley?

  Snow Job. See? Uh, what about the medic? Can you give me the name of the medic?

• 44:14H. Foley?

  Met, medic. African-American gentleman.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Great. Doc.

• 44:20H. Foley?

  Doc. There you go.

• 44:21Speaker 01

  Real original.

• 44:23H. Foley?

  I don't know how to know this guy. We got Spirit. And then this dude, looks like the dude that the Predator got. I can't remember his name, but I know he's a good guy. And I know this is a dread, dude, these are... Man, let me tell you something. They were, you could do so much with them. All right, when you're, when the Star Wars one-

• 44:42H. Foley?

  Can I help you?

• 44:43Speaker 01

  I'm so mad, I got you. I got a fucking Greg. I got, dude, I just relived your childhood for you.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  And you let Luke pull the, you let the Luke pull, Luke pull the trigger on a fucking old knocko- It was, that was a knockoff back then.

• 45:01H. Foley?

  We didn't know it looked that bad. We tried to get your dad in here, but he said no.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  I'm doing it for a carton of smokes.

• 45:08H. Foley?

  Um, the Star, the Star Wars toys sucked. They only went like this. You couldn't really play with them. But then these came out and fucking they could do everything. Why Star Wars didn't use these, plus it was the goddamn 80s. We were in the fucking middle of a cold war. So it was all war. And once they loosened up, man, woo! I'm surprised all their thumbs are still attached. That's usually what went first, is their thumbs broke.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  Well, ever since the Geneva Convention, they're not allowed to do that enough to POWs.

• 45:38H. Foley?

  Man, what a home run. Thank you, fellas. That's great. I can't wait to set this up. Diesel!

• 45:48H. Foley?

  Set up a perimeter, load the claymores.

• 45:51Speaker 01

  Um, but yeah, that's, I mean, that's a, that's a merry Christmas for us.

• 45:56H. Foley?

  Ah, you got shafted.

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's fine. Dad always gets shafted.

• 45:59H. Foley?

  You got the pizza oven last year.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  Did dad get shafted? I'm just happy my wife, my fat wife, and my snot-nosed kid are happy. You know, that's all I can ask for, huh? Maybe throw a move on you later.

• 46:11H. Foley?

  You gonna ride your razor scooter around?

• 46:13Speaker 01

  Fuck yeah.

• 46:13H. Foley?

  Will you help me set this up?

• 46:14Speaker 01

  Obviously.

• 46:15H. Foley?

  Yay!

• 46:16Speaker 01

  If you think I'm not gonna do a tail whip on that razor scooter, you're nuts.

• 46:19H. Foley?

  Break your ankle.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:21Speaker 03

  That's the gift that dad gets for himself, kind of, too.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, ah, let me take a look at this. Fucking roll, roll an ankle.

• 46:28H. Foley?

  Alright, well, I'm outta here.

• 46:29Speaker 01

  I mean, I knew, I knew we should've waited till the end for them.

• 46:33H. Foley?

  I mean, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta-

• 46:35Speaker 01

  What? That's when you know he gets frazzled.

• 46:40H. Foley?

  Let's pause for a minute, check it out. I hope it's all the pieces. Did they say all the pieces were there?

• 46:48Speaker 01

  I mean, I felt like they charged me for all the pieces, if I'm being honest with you.

• 46:52H. Foley?

  How much was?

• 46:53Speaker 01

  It was a lot.

• 46:54H. Foley?

  Uh, 400?

• 46:55Speaker 01

  It was hundreds of dollars, yeah.

• 46:56H. Foley?

  More than 400?

• 46:57Speaker 01

  I forget, to be honest. Your whole total package was more than 400 dollars. Give me, give me, give me the amount of a Craig. What'd you guys drop on a Craig for me?

• 47:07Speaker 03

  I got a-

• 47:08H. Foley?

  Hold on.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  I got a guy.

• 47:09H. Foley?

  Do you have the number?

• 47:11Speaker 03

  In my head, I know.

• 47:12H. Foley?

  You know for sure?

• 47:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, pretty close.

• 47:14Speaker 01

  Alright, now let me pull up my number then. Of what-

• 47:17H. Foley?

  What you spent?

• 47:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:18H. Foley?

  This is what Christmas is all about.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  I mean, it's not gonna Dirtbag Christmas, but a little bit-

• 47:22H. Foley?

  Face throwing.

• 47:22Speaker 01

  A little bit of face throwing. Okay. What, what did you-

• 47:27H. Foley?

  I wanna set this up so bad.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  What does a Craig go for?

• 47:32H. Foley?

  Hold, hold on, let's do Craig last.

• 47:37H. Foley?

  Uh, this one's yours too.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  It's a broken ornament? Uh, thanks, man.

• 47:45H. Foley?

  Snow job. I got dudes to man the fucking thing, and I can put him in the jail. There's a jail in there. Things get weird after dark, too. And maybe this guy. This guy could be a good guy, I don't know. Hawk, maybe. Google G.I. Joe-

• 48:01Speaker 01

  Are they G.I.? That's G.I.-

• 48:02H. Foley?

  These are all G.I. Joe.

• 48:03Speaker 01

  Relax.

• 48:05H. Foley?

  G.I. Joe with Hawk head. Hawk helmet, Hawk head. Now, there's a hawk.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  I think it's just his name is Hawk.

• 48:12H. Foley?

  No. What's he, does he look like this dude?

• 48:18Speaker 01

  I can probably get you the list of them if I can get into my goddamn friggin', uh, email over here.

• 48:24Speaker 03

  I believe it's General Hawk, maybe?

• 48:25H. Foley?

  No, General Hawk is a, is a different guy.

• 48:29H. Foley?

  He's, he's a fucking high and tight guy. He got nice haircut. He was the one running the whole show. Which they were really just mercenaries. When you think about it. They're mercs. Black ops, tier one guys. Fuck you up. You don't want them looking for ya. Plus Spirit, he'd track you down.

• 48:49H. Foley?

  Find a fucking bag of blow at the tunnel. Straighten me out, Doc Sweet. Got Doc taking care, but now I need weapons. I'm gonna need, I'm gonna need a pack of guns.

• 48:58Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 48:59H. Foley?

  I'm gonna need to get, because there's two parking spots there. Yup, there's the park for the tank and I'll, and I'll get the fucking little truck. A little four by four, the Jeep. Hummer. Four Hummers, though.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  Gotta worry about the spy lines.

• 49:12H. Foley?

  What do you got?

• 49:13Speaker 01

  I'm looking.

• 49:14H. Foley?

  I get the helicopter, too. That's why I need the tank, the Jeep, and a helicopter.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  That's the shipment. I had a, dude, I had to register for a website I never heard before. It had me freaked out.

• 49:25H. Foley?

  Man, originals. That's crazy.

• 49:30H. Foley?

  These guys.

• 49:30Speaker 01

  I take care of ya.

• 49:32H. Foley?

  Thanks, buddy.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  Gotta keep the big man happy and toys, you know what I mean?

• 49:36H. Foley?

  What a fun Christmas.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  One of your CDs didn't come.

• 49:40Speaker 01

  What was it?

• 49:42Speaker 03

  It was a Cypress Hill CD.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  Oh my god, what, who am I? Have you ever met me?

• 49:46Speaker 03

  It's from Dubai.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  I don't even smoke weed.

• 49:49H. Foley?

  You didn't listen to that?

• 49:50Speaker 01

  I mean, I, like, I didn't need the whole album.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  You've made a purchase, here it is.

• 49:57H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  From M- M- Mercy-

• 50:00H. Foley?

  Some weird old guy.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  Merciari.

• 50:02H. Foley?

  Okay. Shout out to him.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  That-

• 50:06H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 50:06Speaker 01

  Was three hundred and five dollars.

• 50:08H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 50:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was, that was a big one.

• 50:11H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:13H. Foley?

  Three oh five, I'm guessing all the pieces aren't there.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  What? No.

• 50:17H. Foley?

  Five hundred mint condition.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  Hater.

• 50:20Speaker 03

  Now, look, he's not, he's, now he's upset about it.

• 50:22H. Foley?

  In, in, in my chatrooms.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  Patty got me all the pieces.

• 50:27H. Foley?

  Patty wouldn't get me shit. Now Patty got me this.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  And I think the guys were a hundred. Or something like that, eighty-five or something like that. Plus, I had X, but like, chip in.

• 50:36H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  Make sure Christmas goes off without a hitch.

• 50:39H. Foley?

  Thanks, buddy. I love it.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  Meanwhile, all I got is this jacket that I'm gonna return back to Tipsy Elves tomorrow.

• 50:44H. Foley?

  Got the goddamn fucking bop 'em, sock 'em.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  What did you spend total on me?

• 50:52Speaker 03

  Probably 120 of them.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  Most of that was shipping.

• 50:58Speaker 03

  Lot of tax.

• 51:00H. Foley?

  Overseas tax getting you. Got these tariffs going.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  I respect it, guys. I'm just happy, like I said, I'm happy my-

• 51:06H. Foley?

  Listen, we thought that Craig was gonna be a little more impressive. And the Sony wouldn't arrive on time. We were looking for at least four minutes.

• 51:15Speaker 01

  I know.

• 51:15Speaker 03

  The 90s were also very-

• 51:17Speaker 01

  When you guys walked into the room and then walked back out, they're like, "We got ya." I'm like, "That was too fast." Meanwhile, I spent like four days researching these toys, finding them, locating them. You guys literally did it while I was sitting out here having a heater. You guys walked, "Ah, yeah, you're all good." I was like, "I'm getting the fucking screw job here."

• 51:34Speaker 03

  I sent him like six gifts and then he just texts back, "I want a helicopter."

• 51:41Speaker 01

  Man, it's all about you, ain't it?

• 51:42H. Foley?

  Which you fucking screwed me!

• 51:46H. Foley?

  Looking for a vehicle.

• 51:47Speaker 03

  Helicopter can land now.

• 51:48H. Foley?

  I want it. I got a spot. I got a spot.

• 51:50Speaker 01

  And you got guys that make sure that the helipad's safe. You got boots on the ground now.

• 51:56H. Foley?

  You mean guys that secure the LZ?

• 51:58Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 51:59H. Foley?

  Your real gift is coming.

• 52:02Speaker 01

  Let me guess.

• 52:04Speaker 03

  Luke, get the Game Boy.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  Luke, suck his dick real quick.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  Alright, so that was our Christmas, as we do, you know? And then we always love to hear from the mother effin' homies-

• 52:22H. Foley?

  Yes, sir.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  -over there on the Patreon. Uh, this year, obviously, being the holiday Christmas extravaganza spectacular, we were really... Come on, you gotta check in.

• 52:32H. Foley?

  Sorry.

• 52:33Speaker 01

  We got a goddamn program to do.

• 52:34H. Foley?

  And toys! I was just seeing-

• 52:36Speaker 01

  I'm gonna have Ryan come take it away if you can't pay attention.

• 52:39H. Foley?

  Fine.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  Like your mother.

• 52:42H. Foley?

  What about my mother?

• 52:43Speaker 01

  I mean, I don't know what that means.

• 52:44H. Foley?

  Patty, get in here. That's what I get you for Christmas.

• 52:48Speaker 01

  You were that kid that you opened up all your gifts and then it was like time to look at your brother open his gifts and you were...

• 52:54H. Foley?

  No, she did it very...

• 52:55Speaker 01

  Screw him.

• 52:56H. Foley?

  It was so coordinated and so structured.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Did you do one for one?

• 53:01H. Foley?

  One for one.

• 53:02Speaker 01

  Oh, that's not worth it.

• 53:03H. Foley?

  Back and forth.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Talk about edging.

• 53:04H. Foley?

  Back and...

• 53:07Speaker 01

  I talk about blue balls.

• 53:08H. Foley?

  Back and forth, which was great. It was only that one year. He got this blue airplane. I've told you about it. Got in a big fight about it. Um, and then we each got our big gifts. And then we had to set them all up and make it look presentable and leave it there. But I love that. I remember like the day or two after Christmas, like, "All right, take your toys upstairs." Be like, "Fuck." Cause it was all set up nice and you could lay under the tree with the trains and I'd lay on my belly and I'd fucking play with my toys. Had about 4,000 calories in me too.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  Sure, a lot of syrup fingers going on. Couple of sausage links.

• 53:42H. Foley?

  What'd you got?

• 53:43Speaker 01

  Syrup? Syrup. Syrup? Syrup.

• 53:47H. Foley?

  I'd be all bloated from quiche, fucking wicked heartburn.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  You were doing quiche?

• 53:53H. Foley?

  Well, we'd do quiche every year. I told you that.

• 53:54Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 53:55H. Foley?

  Every year there's a quiche.

• 53:56Speaker 01

  Hoity-toity.

• 53:57H. Foley?

  Always.

• 53:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's nuts.

• 53:59H. Foley?

  A store bought quiche?

• 54:00Speaker 01

  Well, that's a little different. We were...

• 54:03H. Foley?

  Oh yeah, she didn't make them.

• 54:04Speaker 01

  We were a scramby egg and we'd always... Cause Christmas would be that, it'd be fancy. You would take whatever the... You know, she'd probably do sausage and bacon maybe on Christmas morning. Denise would.

• 54:15H. Foley?

  Better than if the bird's covered.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  What? If the bird's covered.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  Um...

• 54:24H. Foley?

  Cause you're all just taking hits off an egg beater bottle?

• 54:27Speaker 01

  Ooh, that hits good. Dumping bacon bits in there or whatever. Um...

• 54:31H. Foley?

  That's a good idea.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  That was, somebody wrote that in. Um...

• 54:34H. Foley?

  That's good.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  I, uh, she would take, I remember, I remember the first time, it was when she, she would take, because obviously you make the, you make your bacon or your whatever, you put it on a paper plate, with some paper towel on there to soak up the grease. She would then remove that, she would plate it on like a plate and put that out, and I remember being like, whoa, what is the president coming over? I'm like, wait, it's just us here, and I'd go over my dad's, he'd pick us up around like-

• 55:01H. Foley?

  Get a rich chocolate frosted Edelmann's doughnut thrown at you.

• 55:04Speaker 01

  He'd pick us up around noon, and I'd go over there, and there would be more sausage and bacon, like way that, because they, they had already eaten, and they like left some for us, man, I'd go over there, eating, my stepmom would do the Bob Evans sausage patties, I'd be eating them, just raw dogging them things while I'm opening presents. I'd be like, Danny's turned open, I'd get up and run over and get another two pieces, maybe a screaming cold Coke.

• 55:29H. Foley?

  Go grab a plate.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  Ah, what'd you get? Let me see, I'm sitting there eating, standing up. Show everyone.

• 55:36H. Foley?

  Broken arm, you're eating one of them?

• 55:37Speaker 01

  Oh, man. Uh, but let's get into some of the, uh, the homies' Christmas stories here.

• 55:44H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  This one's for Matthew, um, $10 homie. Is it garbage not to send a family member a Christmas present because they have a court date in early January, and are most likely going to prison, so it'd be a waste of a gift?

• 55:58H. Foley?

  I'm with you.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  Save it and put that on his commissary.

• 56:01H. Foley?

  Of course!

• 56:01Speaker 01

  We learned about that.

• 56:02H. Foley?

  Of course.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  Put it on his commissary, you're gonna need it if he's jammed up.

• 56:05H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  With the Triads.

• 56:07H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 56:07Speaker 01

  Uh, that's, I mean, listen, if you're pretty jammed up, that guy's really jammed up.

• 56:13H. Foley?

  Throw him, throw him a couple of hunches for the lawyer, that's got public defender.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, a couple of hunches, that's, you're chasing bad money there, a couple of hunches, that's a huge gift. You spent a hundred on me.

• 56:24H. Foley?

  Chasing bad money.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  Kid's going away, well, let's just, let's, let's call, let's call a spade a spade, the kid's going. He's doing a couple, he's doing a couple of months.

• 56:33H. Foley?

  You don't need a Tamagotchi, I'll tell you that.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  He changed the date on that fucker.

• 56:36H. Foley?

  Yeah, that Craig though, would probably go for a couple hundred bucks in a joint.

• 56:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 56:40H. Foley?

  A lot of guys wanna listen.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  They got MP3 players and stuff in there. No one's banging Craigs.

• 56:46H. Foley?

  No?

• 56:46Speaker 01

  Uh-uh.

• 56:47H. Foley?

  I didn't know it was a Craig, that's Luke, that's on Luke.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Luke don't care.

• 56:51H. Foley?

  I probably know he doesn't.

• 56:52Speaker 01

  Should've got him a Zune. I, that would at least, at least you could put a couple of MP3s on there. Came in preloaded with them albums.

• 56:58H. Foley?

  He's got his razor scooter. Me and him are gonna be gone.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  Later. Be looking for an adapter for this Chinese thing you got going on here. Doesn't plug in.

• 57:07H. Foley?

  Need a Euro adapter.

• 57:12Speaker 01

  Probably a he ass.

• 57:13H. Foley?

  You gotta, you gotta put gas in it?

• 57:17Speaker 01

  Two stroke.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Uh, man. Alright, this one's from Adam Fries. $10 homie here. Is it garbage to have an SUV and buy a live Christmas tree and put it inside the car rather than on top? My wife's family did it all the time and I, and they were shocked when I had the boys at the tree farm strap it to the roof.

• 57:36H. Foley?

  I do, that's a man's man. Mine, mine goes in there too.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Really?

• 57:40H. Foley?

  Yeah, I don't know how to fucking, I'm not driving down, I'm not driving with a fucking tree on top of my car. That anxiety of it, it's gonna fall off and kill somebody, don't sow it's, your collision, your liability, da da da da da. No, that was in the car.

• 57:54Speaker 01

  That's crazy to me.

• 57:55H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  I mean, but you're, now you're, you do that now, cause you get a small tree.

• 58:01H. Foley?

  No, it's big. It, I mean, it's, it goes up, it goes in between the seats.

• 58:07Speaker 01

  That's nuts to me.

• 58:08H. Foley?

  Yeah. I don't know how to fucking tie something to the roof of a car.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Throw them 20 bucks, they'll do it.

• 58:13H. Foley?

  I never thought about that.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  You think you can, you'll be able to beat Simon?

• 58:17H. Foley?

  I thought-

• 58:18Speaker 01

  That's a supercomputer in the 80s, dude.

• 58:20H. Foley?

  I forgot about that. You can have the Simon.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  Oh, thanks.

• 58:22H. Foley?

  Um-

• 58:22Speaker 01

  The thing I bought for the set, essentially. I'm getting screwed. Give me the receipt for that. I gotta turn that in. That's an expense.

• 58:30H. Foley?

  You can still have baccarat.

• 58:32Speaker 01

  Gary. This is just Bill? He's a fringe guy?

• 58:39Speaker 01

  He just shows up every now and then when, when his wife's breaking his balls and he needs to get out of the house.

• 58:44H. Foley?

  Wants to have beers with snake eyes. I, I forgot the snake eyes. Somebody gave us a nice snake eyes on the Route 66. I've had it in the house. I gotta bring it in.

• 58:52Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 58:53H. Foley?

  I put it aside to bring it in specifically for today. I'll get it up on the set.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Uh, in the same realm of Christmas trees, this is from Foley's Wedding Planner. Are you garbage if your family has a tradition of stealing a Christmas tree from the Lowe's or Home Depot because your dad has a longstanding vendetta with them over a shoddy carpet installation 15-plus years ago?

• 59:11H. Foley?

  I gotta tell ya, I respect that a little bit.

• 59:14Speaker 01

  I respect the vendetta.

• 59:15H. Foley?

  If the man has his reasons.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  And listen, I'm not keen on stealing, but it's well documented.

• 59:21H. Foley?

  I think it's well documented that you are.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  What?

• 59:25H. Foley?

  You enjoy a grift.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  No, I don't. I don't steal.

• 59:28H. Foley?

  Case of water.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  What?

• 59:30H. Foley?

  A case of water.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  What case of water?

• 59:32H. Foley?

  You stole a case of water not that long ago.

• 59:34Speaker 01

  No, I stole the bed skirt for my Christmas. I didn't steal it. They forgot, I forgot to scan it. And then, uh, yeah, no, I don't, but I don't, I'm the, hey, listen, if you're gonna, I don't think you should steal. If you do steal, steal from fucking Lowe's. That's why, I'm fine with that. They screwed you over on a carpet job 15 years ago, gotta make your money back. It's a guy, a fucking hard-working guy, probably.

• 59:58H. Foley?

  I get that, too. Plus, it probably really juices the kids up.

• 1:00:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:02H. Foley?

  If we're going to Lowe's and stealing a tree. That's pretty good.

• 1:00:05Speaker 01

  I didn't know the one, he's like, I would tell the kids, "Hey, one of ya start crying if we get caught." And I go, "Oh, I didn't know he was crying. I thought I didn't, you thought, I thought he paid for it," or whatever. It's, "I thought I online ordered it."

• 1:00:18H. Foley?

  Ricky, you don't have your credit card on ya?

• 1:00:21H. Foley?

  That's pretty good. Yeah, I'm with that.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:23H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:23Speaker 01

  Um, this one, this one's very of my family. This is from House Rep Henry. $10 South Pole Elf. "One year, we didn't have enough stuff for our Christmas morning mimosas, so we ended up improvising with Tang and Keystone Light."

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  That's like, that's what I love. I'm big on this year of just leaning into it. Just lean into it. Don't fight who you are. If that's what you wanna do, that's who you are. It is what it is. Just, that's fun, it's kitschy, it gives everybody a laugh, it gives everybody a story.

• 1:00:57H. Foley?

  Do it. Probably not that bad either.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  It's probably pretty good.

• 1:01:00H. Foley?

  Yeah. Probably not that bad. Probably tastes like a Blue Moon. Which I had one of those this weekend. Delicious.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  Where were you eating breakfast?

• 1:01:10H. Foley?

  Uh, we went to Devon Seafood Grill for the last time. With, uh, we met up with, uh...

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  An old friend of ours.

• 1:01:17H. Foley?

  Our good, yeah, good friend. Yeah, it was good times.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  Wow, very nice.

• 1:01:20H. Foley?

  Couple of those. Some of them honey biscuits they got. Can't believe that joint's closing.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  What if you showed up every now and then, bought more than one Blue Moon and some honey biscuits? And be able to keep the fucking lights on?

• 1:01:33H. Foley?

  Parked in the garage where I used to get my Perkadoodles?

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  Great.

• 1:01:37H. Foley?

  A little memory lane trip?

• 1:01:40H. Foley?

  Good times.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  Um, alright, let's see, this one's from the Ozempic Gold Medalist.

• 1:01:44H. Foley?

  Love it.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  Uh, is it garbage? That for Christmas, when I was younger, my dad used to get people CDs or cassettes for Christmas, but he would open them first and use this stereo combo to record them to a blank CD?

• 1:01:58H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  Before he gave them his gifts? I kind of, that's pretty good. It's like, hey man, I'm gonna get you the album.

• 1:02:06H. Foley?

  Two for one.

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  They were 20 bucks, they weren't cheap at the time.

• 1:02:09H. Foley?

  No.

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  They were 20 bucks in the 90's, yeah, so it's like, hey, you're getting it, the only thing is you just can't get the saran wrap on it.

• 1:02:16H. Foley?

  Wonder if he probably figured out a way to put it back on?

• 1:02:18Speaker 01

  Smart guy would.

• 1:02:19H. Foley?

  Yeah. Especially an ingenious man such as that. That's two for one right there.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  That's really good.

• 1:02:25H. Foley?

  You could start printing them. Why didn't more people do that?

• 1:02:27Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:02:27H. Foley?

  Bootleg CDs like that, was that big?

• 1:02:29Speaker 01

  Oh, well not my year, like my, yeah, when you got yourself a Craig and you needed albums? You had, you had...

• 1:02:36H. Foley?

  That only plays bootlegs, by the way.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  It only plays CD-Rs. I spent all my money on a Craig, I ain't got money for album, I don't got album money.

• 1:02:45H. Foley?

  Do you remember going...

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  This fat Russian kid moved to our school, Palvo, he was huge dude, he must have been

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  a deuce, deuce and a quarter in like, in like, 3rd, 4th grade, and he had a CD, he had a, he had a CD burner, and he brought one in, and I remember on the playground, I think it was Vinnie with the skinny came up, he goes, "I got like, DMX and Tupac on this album, on this CD," and we were like, "Where did you get that?" And he goes, "Palvo did it." I go, "Woo hoo, yo, big man, let's, let's talk some biz, I'm trying to get my hands on some fucking tracks here." And I go...

• 1:03:22H. Foley?

  Put the past behind us and move forward, huh?

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  I didn't understand it, I'm like, can you get Jay-Z? And he goes, "Any CD, any CD," like he's like a used car, says, "Any CD, any CD you want, I get it."

• 1:03:30H. Foley?

  Did he charge you?

• 1:03:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, 5 bucks, any CD.

• 1:03:33H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  Any CD. And he did. But then I bought it and my Discman didn't play, didn't play CD-Rs. I got screwed.

• 1:03:40H. Foley?

  See, that, that guy had something in place for that, where you couldn't do that.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, yeah, just, the, the laser was different, like the, the reader was... They didn't make the reader to read, I think.

• 1:03:50H. Foley?

  What were we doing with CDs early in comedy? Why would we, I remember going and like getting a bunch of CDs for something.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  I don't know what you're talking about.

• 1:03:59H. Foley?

  Were we making like set tapes or something like that? What would we have used CDs for?

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  I was not using CDs when I first met you. Maybe in a car, I had 50 cent or something.

• 1:04:09H. Foley?

  Maybe we made like a DVD of a couple of sketches.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably.

• 1:04:14H. Foley?

  Yeah. Think it would shop.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Couple of albums.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  You stink.

• 1:04:21H. Foley?

  Yeah. Stink?

• 1:04:24Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:04:25H. Foley?

  That's a home run.

• 1:04:27Speaker 01

  Um, this is a pretty good, this is, this is more of a little bit of a discussion, this is from Eric. Uh, at holiday get togethers, do you all sit down around the table and pass the dishes around? Or is it set up like a buffet style for everybody to fix their own plate?

• 1:04:38H. Foley?

  Great question.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Depends on the size, I would say.

• 1:04:41H. Foley?

  Yes, we do buffet for everything.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:44H. Foley?

  Yeah, we're always buffet.

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  I think it depends on the size of the table available and the amount of people there and the size of the house.

• 1:04:50H. Foley?

  Yeah, our Christmas Day, uh, shout out to my cousin Kelly, she always hooks it up. And she's gotten real good at hitting the crowd pleaser. Some years she'll get it like catered, like from like a local Italian place. But sometimes she'll do, too, she's got the pretzel nuggets, she's got maybe like a Wawa box. That might be the Super Bowl, but she does it really nice, but it's all buffet. Hook it all up, everybody chill out.

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, we depend, uh, I think it depends on size wise of what we're doing. I think if it's, it's probably a little bit of both. I think some of the sides are set up on a counter as a buffet. You kind of load your plate up, then you go sit down, I think if we do like.

• 1:05:29H. Foley?

  They're real when somebody brings something.

• 1:05:32Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:05:32H. Foley?

  They get put in the, they're, they're in their own.

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  Put this over here in the garage of the neighbor's house. We ain't touching his trash.

• 1:05:39H. Foley?

  Tofu roll, huh? Okay.

• 1:05:43Speaker 01

  I remember one time-

• 1:05:44H. Foley?

  Look at the squirrels have it.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  NAD made a tiramisu and used like too much booze or too much liquor, dude. See, people were getting shredded. It was like, it was like fucking, I don't know what it was, but it was a "Woo, man!" My brother-in-law had the punch bowl on his head.

• 1:06:00H. Foley?

  Somebody tell you you're not supposed to use Fireball?

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  But, shout out to Fireball, great around this time of year.

• 1:06:06H. Foley?

  Fantastic.

• 1:06:07Speaker 01

  Warm you from the, warm you from the inside, daddy-o.

• 1:06:10H. Foley?

  Get that glucose up.

• 1:06:11Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, this one's just, this is a bit of a story. Um, growing up, we used to, this is very of what probably most listeners did. Growing up, we used to drive around on Christmas Eve and look at all the houses and decorations.

• 1:06:21H. Foley?

  Of course, yeah.

• 1:06:22Speaker 01

  There was one house that really went all out, which we would always save for last. One year, we piled into my mom's Plymouth minivan and hit the beat. The van had been-

• 1:06:31H. Foley?

  Hit the beat?

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  What are you fucking, eh... No problem, Jack. The van had been having a lot of issues with the exhaust system, and when we got to the final house, there was a big line of cars waiting to see it. We were coming over the hill when the exhaust just really blew up. There was clouds and clouds of exhaust covering the street, visibility was low.

• 1:06:57Speaker 01

  We completely fogged out the whole street and ruined so many people's Christmas cheer. But the movie The Mask had just come out in theaters, and as we sat in silence of embarrassment, my aunt yells out "Smokin'!"

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  And we all busted out laughing, it was one of the funniest moments we ever still, we've ever had and still talk about it to this day. Needless to say, my mom got a new van not too long after that. Dude, oh, listen. Hacky, not hacky, a good time movie quote, when that quote's hot? Man, there ain't nothing funnier.

• 1:07:31H. Foley?

  That's the best Christmas story I've ever heard in my life. Man, talk about perfect for an all-you-garbage Christmas.

• 1:07:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's from Trash Door the Burnieater. Oh, man, dude, that's-

• 1:07:42H. Foley?

  When we came open the hell. The fact that the ant's in there.

• 1:07:47Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Smoke ants.

• 1:07:51Speaker 01

  That's gotta break the tension.

• 1:07:54H. Foley?

  Stop, man.

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  That was big in the "do not go in there." You'd walk out of a bathroom, "do not go in there."

• 1:08:00H. Foley?

  Woo wee! That's funny.

• 1:08:03Speaker 01

  Uh, that's some good stuff. But, uh, alright, we gotta, we gotta wrap it up.

• 1:08:09H. Foley?

  I got fucking goddamn headquarters to build here.

• 1:08:12Speaker 01

  I know, you got a headquarters to build. I think you got a big send-off for the boys.

• 1:08:15H. Foley?

  I do, I do. Before we go, real quick, uh, as, uh, most of the folks here know, uh, if you're-

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  What are you, I feel like you're about to depose me or something. You printed out the body of the email. It still says like "to" and "from" and stuff on that.

• 1:08:29H. Foley?

  I'm not good with the technology. Hence the Craig.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 1:08:34H. Foley?

  As you know, the, you know, I don't think we did it last year, but the last couple of years before that, uh, I read our version of "Twas the Night Before Christmas," the famed, uh, Christmas poem. I thought we'd switch it up this year with an original piece.

• 1:08:48Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:08:48H. Foley?

  You know, completely original piece, except for the last line. Um-

• 1:08:52Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:08:53H. Foley?

  It's a poem entitled "A Couple of Days Before Christmas."

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  And pockets are light.

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:09:00H. Foley?

  Here we go.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:09:02H. Foley?

  "It was a couple of days before Christmas. We were day drinking at Tootie's. Pops for Kippy, Luke with the vape, and me, a true gentleman, had a small bag of goodies. Blowing off a little steam, just hanging and chilling. Kippy asked an important question about lunches. Says, 'What are you boys feeling?'" "I could eat," said Luke, through a pillow of smoke. "A chicken Caesar wrap for me," said I, "bag of Sun Chips and a Diet Coke." "Fuck that," yelled Kippy, "I'm thinking of Zaa." "We'll have Tootie stop at Angelo's on our way home from the bar." "But between the traffic and her eyesight, the boys knew it could take her forever. Mix in the Michelob Ultras and pills, God forgive me, it might just be never."

• 1:09:45H. Foley?

  The order was placed and a cash app was sent because Tootie ain't made a goddamn money and we still owe the rent. Then hours had passed without a word or a call. The pizza place said she picked up a while ago and did a bump in the ladies room stall. Our tummies were grumbling and the booze almost gone. Kippy said, "I think this broad stole our pizza and money." "Jesus, tell me I'm wrong." Suddenly we heard sleigh bells and a crash on the roof. Tootie yelled, "You drive like Stevie Wonder. Good thing you fuck like Babe Ruth." She was laughing her way down the staircase, lighting her heater with a bic. And who's standing beside her? "Boys, meet your new uncle, my old flame, Saint Nick." He was as big as a house and wore red head to toe.

• 1:10:30H. Foley?

  He had white stuff all over his nose and I don't think it was snow.

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  Johnny Carson.

• 1:10:39H. Foley?

  "Everyone relax. You have nothing to fear. I rolled a blunt in the sleigh and grabbed pizzas and beer." "But I gotta get out of here," he proclaimed. "I got fucking work in the morning." "Congrats on the pod and good luck with the touring." He ran out the back door and disappeared like a shot, but the beer was ice cold and the pizzas were still hot. "Don't tell my wife I was here and if the cops ask, I wasn't. As far as anybody knows, I was in Jersey looking for drones and visiting my sick cousin." And we heard him exclaim as he vanished out of sight. "Shout out to all the bozos and the homies and to all, a good night." Merry Christmas, gang.

• 1:11:18Speaker 01

  Love yous.

• 1:11:19H. Foley?

  Love yous. Peace!