The Chronicles of Jason Vol. 5 w/ Big Jay Oakerson

Are You Garbage presents Big Jay Oakerson! We're talkin' new houses, P. F. Chang's experiments and of course Philly Cheese Steaks. You know Big Jay from stand up comedy, Legion of Skanks, The Bonfire, Kill Tony, The Joe Rogan Experience, Matt & Shanes Secret Podcast, Whiskey Ginger, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Stavvy's World, YMH, and more! Thanks for watching Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast. Come to a live show! AYG & Friends: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Blue Chew: https://bluechew.com Helix: 20% off + 2 FREE pillows for all mattress orders https://helixsleep.com/garbage Aura Frames: https://auraframes.com Promo Code: garbage Morgan & Morgan: https://forthepeople.com/garbage or Pound LAW - Pound 529 - from your cell Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:19H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:25Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:26H. Foley?

  It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy.

• 0:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:30H. Foley?

  Or they're just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  Or bad.

• 0:32H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toody's in the new addition. She's upstairs drying off a pack of heaters that she dropped in her Diet Coke.

• 0:42Speaker 02

  Okay, very nice.

• 0:43H. Foley?

  That's brought to you by Owen on the Patreon. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  Hey, what's up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube and obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. Gang, it's a goddamn party over there.

• 1:09H. Foley?

  Yes, sir, and we could not be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today for volume five.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  Is that what it is?

• 1:17H. Foley?

  Volume five of The Chronicles of Jason, now sponsored by Lipton Hard Iced Tea and Lipton French Onion Soup. Give it up.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  It's too brisk.

• 1:29H. Foley?

  Mr. Big J Okerson, everybody.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Thank you, guys.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  Thank you for coming back.

• 1:33H. Foley?

  I thought you guys-

• 1:34Speaker 02

  I think it's been sitting in the fridge for a while.

• 1:36Speaker 03

  It's funny when I make any moves in life that I feel like you guys would be the right people to talk to about it. Every night when I was at Helium over Thanksgiving weekend-

• 1:46H. Foley?

  Sure, okay.

• 1:47Speaker 03

  I ordered in food from like different places and the last one I got was Oregon steaks, which was-

• 1:53H. Foley?

  Like Omaha Steaks?

• 1:54Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Like cheese sticks.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  Oregon app steaks, yeah, yeah. So good.

• 1:58Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:59Speaker 03

  That I, I mean, I bought so many and brought them home and I had to show people at work. I brought them, I was like, no, no, no, but this here, because they finally chopped the meat. They can't understand that here.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  Showed people who work. What, you're working in an office?

• 2:13Speaker 03

  Uh, Sirius XM. I walked around Sirius XM with cheese sticks to show people.

• 2:17H. Foley?

  I thought you picked up a receptionist's job at a dental office or something like that. The girls at work loved them.

• 2:22Speaker 03

  I'm doing some light billing for Aetna.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  Watch out, that's a bad job to have nowadays.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  Doing cold calls on solar energy? Have you thought about switching it all?

• 2:34Speaker 02

  Oh wait, I got a question about that.

• 2:36Speaker 03

  Go ahead.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  How did you transport the steaks from the night? I assume you got, did you get them delivered to the club?

• 2:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:43H. Foley?

  So you just ordered a bunch?

• 2:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:45H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  And then, did you take them back to the hotel or did you drive back?

• 2:49Speaker 03

  No, drove right back to New York.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:51Speaker 03

  Threw them in the fridge.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  But you were just in a loose bag?

• 2:53H. Foley?

  You were there for the whole weekend but drove back and forth?

• 2:55Speaker 03

  The bread held up. No, I did that on the last night.

• 2:57H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  On the Sunday night, there was only one show.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  Did you, but had you already ordered, or you found out how good they were earlier on in the? Okay, so you found out Friday night they were pretty good?

• 3:07Speaker 03

  No, no, no. Double order on Sunday.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  Whoa!

• 3:10Speaker 03

  Got them to watch the game. We watched the game at Helium.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  Gotcha. So you had them early in the day?

• 3:16Speaker 03

  I had them and I go, I need to get a bunch more of these delivered. And I made Young Dylan go outside so people wouldn't see. Cause I always assume, even when it's obviously an order that's gonna be for several people.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  It's a fat guy.

• 3:26Speaker 03

  I always have that thing, it's like, this isn't just me. This is, a lot of people are involved in this.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  We, it's well documented.

• 3:32H. Foley?

  One diet coke with it?

• 3:35H. Foley?

  One order of cheese fries and seven hoagies?

• 3:39Speaker 02

  Cause I do the thing up. And what else did I need? Oh, I also need bacon, egg and cheese on sesame bag.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  Oh, he starts saying things, he goes, what did Jim say? Jim say you wanted, but you're looking at the menu at the time, he goes, I think Jim said he wanted a, yes, a broccoli rob.

• 3:55Speaker 02

  Jim doesn't like pickles though, so no pickles.

• 3:57H. Foley?

  Marty, do you want a milkshake?

• 3:58Speaker 03

  Just four milkshakes, Marty doesn't want a milkshake. Let me call him.

• 4:01H. Foley?

  Getting a tester, getting a tester bag of fucking hoagies is crazy.

• 4:06Speaker 03

  That was great. Well, here's what's, again.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  And well, how many, how many's a lot? Or a bag of them?

• 4:11Speaker 03

  Like six.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a lot.

• 4:12H. Foley?

  Six to go? You're taking six with you?

• 4:14Speaker 03

  Well, two of them were hoagies. You gotta throw an Italian hoagie in there too, because they can't seem to figure that out here in New York either.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  It's crazy. It's really nuts.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  I don't know. I don't know what the problem is. It doesn't seem like regional should be these problems with food.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Also, it's not that regional. It's, I mean, it's an hour. It's not like...

• 4:30Speaker 03

  Correct, but I mean, like, it's just like, the fact that the, the, the good recipe or the way to do it hasn't telephoned

• 4:36H. Foley?

  I know.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  an hour and a half up a turnpike.

• 4:39H. Foley?

  It's not like you're in Aleppo, like, I can't get a good beef patty. I don't know what the problem is.

• 4:42Speaker 03

  If they go, anywhere you go in this country and they go, "It's Philly, guys," they blah, blah, blah, some fake bullshit story that they, they bus in the water or some shit.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Re-engineered the braid in the Bronx. You're like, okay. They were obsessed with Amorosos.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Because they have drones bringing in the Amorosos.

• 5:02H. Foley?

  Starting the college dorm room.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  That's the shit, they're dropping off Amorosos outside of the, uh, Philadelphia.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  Amorosos and pork roll.

• 5:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, run these things over there in these drains.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  Big Jay needs his hoagie.

• 5:14H. Foley?

  So you throw them in the car and you bring them home?

• 5:17Speaker 03

  Bring them home for sure, but here's what's trashy to me.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  I got a question for you. Sorry to cut you off. You throw the heat warmer on to keep them, to keep them toasty?

• 5:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  That's a pro move.

• 5:25H. Foley?

  You put them under the hood?

• 5:26Speaker 02

  This guy's good.

• 5:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, but just lightly, superficially on top of the, uh, the engine block.

• 5:33Speaker 03

  No, but what's crazy is the next time I'm going to Philly is Christmas Eve. And I'm already thinking about the amount of light that I'm gonna eat at my mom's. Mom's not a cook. But she's probably gonna order, honest to God, what's gonna be great.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  Primos.

• 5:49Speaker 03

  I can't wait to tell you, she's probably gonna bring in Primos.

• 5:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're a Primos family, dude.

• 5:53Speaker 03

  Particularly.

• 5:54H. Foley?

  Primos and sizzles.

• 5:55Speaker 03

  A Primos plate. And then, uh, and then every year I go and she says that, I go, because they're doing primo, I go, "Do they have, can I, I'll order us, like, I'll pay for it. Let me just get like a thing like cheese sticks too and have some of the hot sandwiches." She goes, she goes, "Yeah, they do them there, but like, they say it's not, they don't hold up good." Like, they tell her the inside scoop, like, the cheese sticks aren't gonna hold up good. Don't even waste your time with the hot, watch them get it.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  It's a very dirtbag thing to be like, "I'll pay for it. Like, I know what, you might not have the $24.99. I got it."

• 6:22Speaker 03

  It's funny, or it's gonna be that and like loose meatballs from like ShopRite.

• 6:27H. Foley?

  Meatballs in a crock pot. Let's go.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  But it is, uh, but I'm going back, but I'm thinking about how it's like, well, let me really pace myself there. I don't wanna go nuts, cuz... I have a good feeling that Oregon Steaks is gonna be open on Christmas Eve.

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's their, that's their busy season, dude.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Might as well go up there and rip off a couple more of them bitches, bring them home for Christmas Day. You know what I mean? For a Jew boy sitting in New York on Christmas.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Nothing better.

• 6:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's nothing better.

• 6:49H. Foley?

  Is anybody in, uh, in your mom's, uh, network, uh, show up with a, a, a Christmas cookie tray? It's gotta be some hairdresser or something.

• 6:58Speaker 03

  Sure, some. At my mom's house, it'll be, uh, my sisters, their husbands, my brother, uh...

• 7:05Speaker 02

  Mike Mamora?

• 7:06Speaker 03

  Each one of those groups has one kid, Mike Mamora.

• 7:08Speaker 02

  Ron Jaworski?

• 7:09Speaker 03

  Mike Reese?

• 7:12Speaker 03

  Um, he just lives in the neighborhood. Ron Jaworski owns my mom's, uh...

• 7:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He owned a, he owned a building my dad rented for his office one time.

• 7:20Speaker 03

  So, Ron Jaworski?

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Dog.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, what's that place Ron Jaworski owns?

• 7:25H. Foley?

  Ron Jaworski subdivisions?

• 7:26Speaker 02

  That's what it was.

• 7:27H. Foley?

  And soft pretzels.

• 7:30H. Foley?

  Is there a soft pretzel tray?

• 7:32Speaker 03

  Um, no. No, they, I'll tell you, my family does not care enough about the Philadelphia soft pretzel.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  We're a big pretzel family.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  I'm huge on pretzels. I got, uh, Shane, uh, game two of the Eagles season brought, uh... Took me and a couple people to the, uh, Eagles game.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  And we got like the, like, the high-end Shane treatment.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's great. I've had that at a Phillies game, real nice.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  Shout out to the big dog.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  It's pretty amazing. And like, so you know then, when we're down, that, uh, FanDuel Lounge was like the place you go, like, kind of the holding area and there's stuff in there. And I mean, I've done this more than once when I get hooked up with something, is that, uh, I get so stoked on like the unbelievably free thing that I would have paid for.

• 8:16Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  That like, I don't even go, there is a... I mean, people non-stop bringing out to these trays, fresh sushi. You're watching them make the sushi, they're bringing out, uh, mini cheese steaks, but like very artisan shit, with like garlic, herb, ketchup and shit, yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 02

  Right.

• 8:34Speaker 03

  So, I don't even, what I couldn't believe, I was like, how many times I looked over at Shane or somebody with free Wawa soft pretzel in my mouth going, "This is nuts."

• 8:44Speaker 02

  This is nuts.

• 8:45Speaker 03

  You can just have as many of these as you want.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  You got the dry mouth, dude.

• 8:49Speaker 03

  Well, we were asking them, asking them behind the bar if they had a squirty mustard because it seemed to be all packets. So like, do you guys have, this is crazy. And we could like, can I take some of the mouth to the thing with us? They go, they'll bring you pretzels out there. I go, shut up.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Nah. I was, like they can't cross over thresholds of the.

• 9:05Speaker 03

  Shut right the fuck up.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  Dude, we were, we were in one for the Phillies game. We did the 999 challenge. And, uh, he, dude, they dropped the, we're all eating hot dogs and like beers and we're like sweating this out. Ari's taking it way too serious. Dude, and they dropped a fucking, a box of Mac and Mancos and he lost his fucking. He's like, they got boardwalk pizza in here. All the way from, all the way from Asian City.

• 9:30H. Foley?

  He's trying to win a jersey. They had them set up like, uh, you remember in the last crusade when all those chalices were in the cave? They were set up like that. Single slices of Mac and Max fucking just at different little levels on different little terraces.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  It's nice.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Terraces.

• 9:48Speaker 03

  Sounds lovely.

• 9:49H. Foley?

  Pedestals is what I should say.

• 9:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, I was back in, I was behind the scenes of this thing mad that the cheese sticks were too fancy schmancy.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Ah, I've been there.

• 9:57Speaker 03

  What's with all the schmance on this thing, man? Just fucking throw me a piece of a good cheese stick.

• 10:00H. Foley?

  They try to hit you with that, um, like that fancy cheese cream sauce.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:06H. Foley?

  Bar blanc or whatever it's called, or I don't know. Fuck, get the fuck out of here.

• 10:09Speaker 03

  One time.

• 10:10Speaker 02

  Give me the whiz whiz.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, give me the whiz. I was going to, uh, I was going to watch Sixers play the Knicks and Che was supposed to go. And then he was like, at the last second, he was like, I can't go, but like still take the tickets. And he's like, these are like good, like, you know, you go down the lower bowl. Yeah. So, uh, we go in, which is funny. I don't know if I had been on, on the floor for a concert there yet to not know this is like a concession stand that always exists. But for, for a game like that, when you're down there, those concessions are free. So we went down and I'm telling, it was me and Mike, it was me and Mike Finney.

• 10:41H. Foley?

  Free.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  I got.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  He turned, he turned the word free into three syllables. They are a free.

• 10:48Speaker 03

  Ferrari.

• 10:52Speaker 03

  It was so free and we got two boxes of popcorn. We each got two hot dogs.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  The fact that you remember this is nuts, that you remember what you got.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Me and Finno, me and Finno, and we loaded up. We were like, dude, let's get a burger. I don't even want a burger, but like, we're getting split dudes. It's all free. Let's go.

• 11:08H. Foley?

  We're losing money.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  And then we go, uh, when we started walking towards, so the way it's set up is like, it's right when you kind of get down behind the scenes of the lower level.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  And it's just like, uh, we're in like, we can't believe it. We got like, uh, some beers were free. We're like, this is fucking crazy.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  We get to their free.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Everything's so free.

• 11:30H. Foley?

  Wait, no money?

• 11:31Speaker 03

  No, but then when you go, if you know this, the stadium or the arena at all, when you turn right off of that area, instead of going into where the seating is, the seating boat, when you turn right, there's like an area there. It's just like a bar, but for games.

• 11:45H. Foley?

  Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

• 11:46Speaker 03

  It's set up. I mean, there's like lamb shanks and like, uh, I mean, just all you filet mignon.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  What the heck?

• 11:54Speaker 03

  Also all free.

• 11:56H. Foley?

  What the fuck's a lamb shank?

• 11:57Speaker 03

  The low rent idea was like, we loaded up already. We were like holding two hot dogs and then we had to convince ourselves like, oh, this is a game. I don't want to have fucking shrimp.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. Who the hell wants crab cocktail?

• 12:08Speaker 03

  When the Sixers hooked me up one game last year, I took my daughter and they gave us good seats and access to that area at Wells Fargo Center. And we went in there and they had all that stuff too, and we still got the fucking cheesesteak.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:20Speaker 03

  Both of us too. I was like, well, why don't I get the cheesesteak and you get one of the fancier things and then we'll like split them up to get, you know, and she was like, but I want a cheesesteak. I'm like, just get the fucking cheesesteak.

• 12:28H. Foley?

  Mr. Oakerson. Mr. Oakerson, would you like the caviar service? No, but give me a bag of those Tootsie Pops.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  I'll have the tableside whiz.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  Opening peanuts, dropping them on the floor.

• 12:39H. Foley?

  Yeah, they're making it like Caesar salad tableside.

• 12:42Speaker 03

  I really did feel like, uh, it's like Ralphie in line at the thing, like sitting in those seats. I take it so not for granted that the guy next to me just kept going like, they keep playing defense. Like this is going to be a long night. Am I right? And you're like, please stop.

• 12:56Speaker 03

  This is maybe the only time in my life I'll be sitting here. So please stop.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  I don't want to be negative.

• 13:01H. Foley?

  Yeah, I do.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Um.

• 13:03H. Foley?

  It's the greatest night of my life.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, I goes, Tyrese Maxey just landed on my lap. So could you please?

• 13:09H. Foley?

  You're smelling him.

• 13:09Speaker 03

  My daughter slapped the ball back in the bounds. Her face, I wish that was on TV. Her face when I went, what was it like? And she goes, what?

• 13:18H. Foley?

  She met an alien.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  What was it like?

• 13:22Speaker 03

  I go, the ball.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  Did you feel their power come into you?

• 13:24Speaker 03

  I go, the ball. She goes, like a basketball. What do you mean? I went, no, but it's like, it's different. It feels like it had a crazy grip. Could you still feel Kelly Oubre's forehead sweat?

• 13:35H. Foley?

  They should have sent a poet. God, you'd describe it.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  I'm not doing this moment justice.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  Oh, God, dude.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  My rudimentary words.

• 13:43H. Foley?

  Like that rich lady they sent up in the, the Horizon or whatever, the rich people that went to space? She's like, that's our planet.

• 13:52Speaker 03

  I really am so boyishly excited. Oh, also, that was a funny thing, uh, worth mentioning. When I went to that game with Shane, and we got to walk down on the sidelines, uh, before the game.

• 14:03H. Foley?

  It's crazy.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  Walking the end zone was crazy. But as I learned very quickly that day, um, how closely from a distance yelled Shane and Jay sounded like. Cause I went in for a lot of stolen valor that felt really silly. They were like, yeah! Yeah!

• 14:19Speaker 02

  What's up?

• 14:20Speaker 03

  And you, and you see right quick, it's not you.

• 14:21Speaker 02

  These cheese steaks are free.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  Stealing pretzel? It's nuts, right?

• 14:27Speaker 02

  No, we're not like you. We're different down here.

• 14:29Speaker 03

  How many times I turned around with a wave that turned into just like a swinging arm, just like,

• 14:35Speaker 03

  what's going on back here, guys?

• 14:37Speaker 02

  Are those support beads up there?

• 14:38Speaker 03

  Clearly not me. Yeah, I had to wait for two syllables. I'd be like, I'm gonna take the shot. That's Big Jay.

• 14:43H. Foley?

  Ah, buddy. Uh, we gotta catch up a little bit here. So last we left in volume four, we had started off in comedy.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 14:52H. Foley?

  Went over, uh, your trials and tribulations. You were getting everything off the ground. Your different fashion choices on stage.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  Of which there were several.

• 14:59H. Foley?

  And now we're kinda coming, we're coming full circle here.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  To present a little bit.

• 15:03H. Foley?

  Yeah, you, um, you've been in the city for a long time, and now you're moving out to Jersey.

• 15:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:09H. Foley?

  And I wanted to ask you this. I, um, identify, all of us, in the greater Philadelphia area. Like, I always say, I always preface, when they say where you're from, I say the suburbs of Philly. I never say, I'm from Philly. I don't want stolen valor in that regard.

• 15:23Speaker 03

  Gotcha.

• 15:25H. Foley?

  It all is Philly. Does some of us play such a big role in Philadelphia?

• 15:28Speaker 02

  Culturally Philly.

• 15:29H. Foley?

  Yes. Um, you were in the city, but then spent a lot of time growing up in South Jersey.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  Little time growing up. I mean, South Jersey was only like seventeen to twenty-two when I moved to New York.

• 15:43H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 15:43Speaker 03

  So that was five years. Seventeen, first seventeen, sixteen years in.

• 15:46H. Foley?

  So now that you're back in Jersey, do you feel like this is like, like you're back home?

• 15:52Speaker 02

  The final four, like the final.

• 15:54Speaker 03

  I don't think Northern Jersey where I'm gonna be, because I'm still gonna, you know.

• 15:59H. Foley?

  You're gonna be Northern, okay.

• 16:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm doing it all like Commutable to the city.

• 16:02Speaker 02

  Gotcha.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  Like this is, this'll be a thirty-five minute drive to work.

• 16:06H. Foley?

  But back in Jersey.

• 16:07Speaker 03

  But back in Jersey, I'm hoping.

• 16:09H. Foley?

  The dental office is only thirty-five minutes away?

• 16:13Speaker 03

  First thing I know, uh, um, but the first thing is that, uh, there is pretty locally, Primos Hoagie.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  It's Jersey. Come on.

• 16:23Speaker 03

  But it's North Jersey. Things, some of these things wouldn't travel up that far. There is a Wawa. There's a Wawa three minutes away.

• 16:29Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 16:30Speaker 03

  That's dope. And then, uh, and I'm hoping like there, I am gonna find some like the creature comforts of back then because what was, I thought was interesting. When, I think a lot of people had this too, especially when I started as young as I did. Um, at nineteen, that it, when I moved up to New York at twenty-two, like I didn't want to move to New York. Do you know what I mean? Like my comfort was still in Philly. It was a scary move, but it was like I had to. Uh, so when I went up and I left always with the intention in my mind of like.

• 16:58H. Foley?

  I'll be back.

• 16:58Speaker 03

  No, I'm gonna do, like, I'm gonna go over here and do what I have to do so that I can eventually move back to Philly.

• 17:03H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:03Speaker 03

  The concept of that now seems insane to me.

• 17:07H. Foley?

  Couple of years, I'll be back.

• 17:08Speaker 03

  It just, I don't know why it seems so quick, but here's the thing. I think like Shane once told me.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Wait till I get on BET Comedy All-Stars. I'm coming.

• 17:14H. Foley?

  Say that again, I'm sorry.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  I think like even like, but like Shane would be like, everyone would be like happy in some degree, like, uh, being where they came from.

• 17:22Speaker 02

  Of course, yeah.

• 17:23Speaker 03

  And so as I understand the comfort of that, the problem is I've been gone now so many, I've been gone twenty. Two, three years. So it's like, I wouldn't be more comfortable there. I'd be less comfortable. I don't know what it is down there.

• 17:34Speaker 02

  You've lived here longer than there.

• 17:36H. Foley?

  I like that wah-wah.

• 17:37Speaker 03

  But I am, but I am hoping with that jersey to get a little more of that like kinda.

• 17:41H. Foley?

  Sure. Okay, let's talk about DraftKings.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  DraftKings.

• 17:44H. Foley?

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• 18:06Speaker 02

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• 18:51Speaker 02

  $50 in rewards issued every seven days via click to claim for 21 days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Terms at dkng.co offer. Limited time offer. Nationwide based on sportsbook predictions and free to play sports contest availability. Uh, varies by state. Now, back to the show.

• 19:09Speaker 03

  Back to the show.

• 19:10Speaker 04

  Welcome to the 50th Hunger Games.

• 19:12Speaker 00

  Witness the beginning of the revolution.

• 19:15Speaker 05

  Hey Mitch, you've been trying to take down these games from the start.

• 19:17Speaker 00

  Filmed for IMAX.

• 19:19Speaker 05

  Make them remember you.

• 19:22Speaker 00

  The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Reaping, November 20th, rated PG-13.

• 19:25H. Foley?

  Kip, knock, knock.

• 19:26Speaker 02

  Who's there?

• 19:27H. Foley?

  BlueChew.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  I'm hard.

• 19:28H. Foley?

  Hello, that's what we're talking about, gang. Listen, it's the winter season. Time to make some babies. Get some rock hard boners in there, gang. Listen, as you get older, me, put on some weight, not gonna lie. Don't know if you can tell. Need a little help in the boudoir to get the old stick going, you know what I mean? Get the fishing rile up in the air as they. Snag a couple of wide mouth basses.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  Out there trolling.

• 19:53Speaker 02

  Guys, BlueChew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra, but you know that by now. And the thing about BlueChew, they do it in a fraction of the cost and in chewable form.

• 20:03H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  Uh, the process is simple. You go to BlueChew.com, you can sell with one of the licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, they'll give you a prescription within, you'll receive your prescription within days. Best part, made in the USA. I'm talking homegrown bones, baby. Uh, BlueChew wants men rock hard and listen. So do I. They told me that. That's their mission. They will not stop till every man is bricked up like a brick house. How you doing? Till every ten is pitched, till every rod is raised. Discover your options at BlueChew.com. And we got a special deal for our AYG listeners. Try BlueChew for free, baby. With just pay the $5 shipping at checkout when you visit BlueChew.com. That's BlueChew.com to receive your first month for free. Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank BlueChew for sponsoring Are You Garbage?

• 20:49H. Foley?

  Yes, we do. Helix mattresses, baby.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  Love that Helix.

• 20:52H. Foley?

  Yes, we do. Slept in one last night. Got a great night's sleep last night in my Helix. Gang, if you're having a tough time sleeping, it could be the mattress.

• 21:00Speaker 02

  It probably is the mattress.

• 21:01H. Foley?

  It's probably the mattress. Thank you, Kevin.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  You got a bozo mattress from your dead grandmother, from your nana, you found it on the side of the road. That's bozo stuff.

• 21:09H. Foley?

  So here's what you do. You go over to Helix, you get straightened out, you take the quiz, you find out how you sleep, whether you sleep soft, whether you sleep hard, on your side, on your back, whether you're cold at night, whether you're warm at night, and they will match you up with the perfect mattress for you. Everything starts with a good night's sleep.

• 21:26Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 21:26H. Foley?

  Get over to Helix.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  I've been using it for years. When they were nice enough to send us one when they first came onboard, I got it over to big man, and I gotta tell you, game changer.

• 21:36H. Foley?

  That I got the king.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  I got the Twilight series, and now, I mean, it's, if I'm sleeping, I don't care what hotel I'm at, where I'm staying, I want to be back in my Helix, baby. And right now, they got a special 20% offer plus two free pillows with all mattress orders. And let me tell you, those pillows ain't nothing to shake a stick at. They're low key one of the best parts about it.

• 21:56H. Foley?

  Yeah, they are.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  So right now, go to helixsleep.com/garbage to get your 20% off plus your two free pillows on all mattress orders. Do it.

• 22:03Speaker 03

  I think the city has gotten... Like shitty in the regard of like the dumbest stuff like food.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Well, like suburban pizza places are significantly different than city pizza places.

• 22:14Speaker 03

  Well, I feel like there's something about.

• 22:15H. Foley?

  Better.

• 22:16Speaker 03

  The, I think.

• 22:16H. Foley?

  Except for Chrissy pizzas.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  But I think the quality here is because there's pizza every five seconds of walking.

• 22:21Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  So you don't have to make great pizza, but if you open like a pizza place where it's a competitive thing in a town.

• 22:27Speaker 02

  You gotta be it.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  If you don't make good pizza, like people are gonna, it'll be over.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  Like quick, it has to be pretty good.

• 22:33H. Foley?

  Have you scouted anything? Cause you said you're closing soon, so, okay. Was any of this in the decision to pull the trigger on a purchase?

• 22:41Speaker 03

  Local stuff?

• 22:42H. Foley?

  Did you know that the Wawa was three minutes away? When you were sitting there talking to the realtor.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  That was a dream come true.

• 22:47H. Foley?

  Did it ever go through your mind like, oh, the Wawa's three minutes away?

• 22:50Speaker 03

  I did, no. One time we were driving back from it, looking at it, we passed and I was like, what? I didn't even wrap my brain around the idea.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  Send them a check.

• 22:58Speaker 03

  And we are locally Wawa. Yeah, you get this thing.

• 23:02Speaker 02

  I don't care what it takes.

• 23:03H. Foley?

  Forget about the appraiser, just lock it in.

• 23:05Speaker 03

  Now, before we, we find all the Christine's like comforters, uh, Whole Foods and Trader Joe's and all that.

• 23:12H. Foley?

  Is that where we're gonna be shopping?

• 23:14Speaker 03

  Uh, wherever she shops, man.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  She'll be shopping at the Wawa.

• 23:17Speaker 03

  I'll tell you, well, no, I'll tell you where I'm gonna be. And this is Christine's all, my chick is all Trader Joe's, she wants to do the Whole Food, whatever those.

• 23:26H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Sex in the City, I guess, like type stores are.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  Man, you are a.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause they always ended up at Trader Joe's.

• 23:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, high end, but you know, bitches talking high end stuff, you know what I mean?

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Where you wanna go to like an Acme, a ShopRite.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  Yes, I'm excited because there is a Stop and Shop.

• 23:42H. Foley?

  Whoa!

• 23:43Speaker 03

  When I drove through the parking lot, I was like, there she is, right there. I understand this place.

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, baby, I'm home.

• 23:49H. Foley?

  This makes sense to me.

• 23:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, this makes sense to me. They will have the products and the brands that I like. Not Trader Joe's version of whoopee pies or whatever the fuck that nonsense is. Hey, you want your Takitos from Trader Joe's?

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Those are good though, man.

• 24:03Speaker 03

  They are good. All of their stupid heat up snacks are good.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  And I hate it.

• 24:07H. Foley?

  All the stupid heat up snacks.

• 24:08Speaker 03

  But my girl shops there because it doesn't require cooking. It's when I go, hey, I'm hungry. Do we have anything? She's like, mini quiches, pigs in a blanket and feela dough.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like you're at a wedding or something.

• 24:18Speaker 03

  We have quinceañera food in my house exclusively.

• 24:21H. Foley?

  We don't have any toothpicks though, I can't eat them.

• 24:25Speaker 03

  Oh, she likes to make a nice ramakin and she pours, she takes a lot of pride that, uh, she does half mustard, half ketchup in the same one.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  Damn, I didn't know she was a culinary fucking master. Okay, Chef Ramsay.

• 24:37H. Foley?

  A little bit of relish.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  Yes chef.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  She's not a cook, she's creative with presentation though. She knows how to plate shit I've ordered well.

• 24:43H. Foley?

  That's funny.

• 24:44Speaker 02

  I do that kind of, I'll do, I got a ramakin and you feel like you're Chef Ramsay when you have a ramakin.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  And I like mix up two or three sauces in there and I do them when I'm, I really feel like I'm on the bear when I whip through that shit. I do a little taste, ah, that's it, you know.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  Fucking, uh, PF Chang's used to give you three sauces and then let you just experiment yourself. They'd be like, oh, what are we doing here?

• 25:05H. Foley?

  That's how COVID started.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  You can't allow this kind of experimentation amongst the fucking masses.

• 25:12H. Foley?

  Shut this down.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  They're asking Jay if he wants another diet coke. He's like, not right now, I'm in the laboratory.

• 25:17H. Foley?

  He's got that.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  I'm running my tests. He's got mice running around.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  Well, they don't know if you remember, and now they do. If you go to PF Chang's, now it's, it's one sauce that's the combination of the three they used to give you. They don't want you playing with fire anymore. What are we playing, God? I'm just trying to eat fucking mall Chinese food.

• 25:33H. Foley?

  That's how the Egyptians felt. What are you, crazy?

• 25:39Speaker 03

  Don't anger gods.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  Oh, Jason, I wouldn't do that.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Hey, easy there, easy.

• 25:47H. Foley?

  Everybody run!

• 25:49Speaker 02

  Guys, we have about five minutes before this thing blows.

• 25:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, so it goes, Jay, oh, oh God, oh, there's trouble.

• 25:56Speaker 02

  It starts sizzling.

• 25:57H. Foley?

  PF Chang's does too much when they, when you slice the egg rolls diagonally like that.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  I like it. I like it.

• 26:04H. Foley?

  If you have that one little tip.

• 26:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you get a good, it's good for dipping and you get a good, you get a large chunk into your mouth, in your gullet.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  They've also, uh, they have a, they try too hard PF Chang's.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:18Speaker 03

  Uh, to make it be taste somewhat different than the regular order, but if they should just make the most basic thing good.

• 26:24H. Foley?

  Yeah, kill it.

• 26:25Speaker 03

  They don't, they don't do that. They try too hard to do, they're out of, they're getting out of their fucking wheelhouse.

• 26:30H. Foley?

  They're general towels. The same thing with Panda Express. General Sows.

• 26:34Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 26:34H. Foley?

  Oh, I'm sorry. Lieutenant.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  You know Kevin Minerton Mandarin?

• 26:40Speaker 02

  Hold on, pal.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  I was Cantonese, I apologize.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  I'm sorry.

• 26:47H. Foley?

  More of a Sichuan family.

• 26:48Speaker 03

  I flubbed my dialects.

• 26:50Speaker 02

  I didn't realize you guys weren't playing ball, I apologize.

• 26:53H. Foley?

  No, but they're, they're like sesame chicken, orange chicken is banging, just do that.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:58H. Foley?

  And stop with the little things that look like packing noodles. The little, the little rice strings.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  Uh, you get the lettuce wraps, you're gonna want those rice strings, you know, for crunch, as my grandma would say. My grandma would always put a piece of iceberg lettuce on every sandwich and she would say, "For crunch."

• 27:15Speaker 02

  Man, that's the best. She likes a good mouth feel.

• 27:18H. Foley?

  So...

• 27:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, my mom was real textury.

• 27:22H. Foley?

  So you, when you get settled in there, let's stay with the grocery store, you're telling me you're not gonna have the first big order, you're not gonna be involved in that, you don't wanna go?

• 27:30Speaker 03

  No, I will, for sure.

• 27:31H. Foley?

  That's the whole...

• 27:31Speaker 03

  Well, the, the first order you guys are gonna go to is a Costco. Cause I've never, ever lived in a situation where it's like, "How about we have toilet paper forever?"

• 27:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:42H. Foley?

  You got the room now.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:44H. Foley?

  You got the storage space.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, and I wanna say things like, "Christine, get up in that attic and pull down some of our fucking surplus of toilet paper."

• 27:51Speaker 02

  That's where you're keeping it. I've seen, I've seen pictures, you do not need to resort to the attic.

• 27:55Speaker 03

  You can only keep sixty some rolls out.

• 27:58H. Foley?

  Paper towels in the crawl space?

• 28:00Speaker 03

  Well, I'll tell you...

• 28:01Speaker 02

  Are you a name brand paper towel, toilet paper guy?

• 28:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:04Speaker 02

  I feel like you need a nice, you need a quality product.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  Well, I, a lot of people would argue with my toilet paper choice, I go Scott, and people say, "Well, it's rough."

• 28:11H. Foley?

  I respect it.

• 28:12Speaker 03

  It's rough, and I go...

• 28:13Speaker 02

  It's got a grip.

• 28:14Speaker 03

  It is rough, but that's what's gonna pull the stuff out of there. I feel like, uh, all that quilted shit's just searing shit around my...

• 28:19H. Foley?

  Charm in the northern, it's too much, yeah, it's too soft.

• 28:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:22H. Foley?

  It's like a cotton ball, gives me the willies.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  It's not what I'm looking for. Um, now that said, we can get into this for a second, because this is karma that I wanna make sure doesn't come my way, and I'm, so I'm making wide apologies.

• 28:34H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  This house is a septic tank.

• 28:37H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  In fact, when we had the house inspected, one of the things they came to us with, which almost had us not getting the house, was that it needed a brand new septic, it was just outdated and done, which is a big job.

• 28:47H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  Technically, that fell on the, uh, the sellers.

• 28:50H. Foley?

  Whoa!

• 28:51Speaker 03

  So, they did it.

• 28:52H. Foley?

  No shit.

• 28:52Speaker 02

  They had already done it.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  No, no, it's getting, it's getting done. It's getting, or it's probably done by now, yeah.

• 28:56H. Foley?

  Man, they tried to swindle you a little bit.

• 28:58Speaker 03

  Uh, well, let me tell you something what I didn't like about this, was when it came back, and it was my thing where I was like, "Hey, if they're not gonna do that, like themselves, like, I'm not paying for that, adding that to the price of the house." And uh, it was like, they didn't put, push back at all, and there was some element where I was told it sounded like, they didn't push back and they were like, "Yeah, we kinda figured." It's like, "Why don't you just fucking change it?"

• 29:20Speaker 02

  Fucking rats.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  Dick face. You were gonna shake my hand and then fucking have my shit coming out of my fucking, my lawn.

• 29:27H. Foley?

  You see me? You know I'm not doing delicate dumps over here. That would've lasted a weekend, you fucking bastard.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  You prick fuck.

• 29:33H. Foley?

  What was the uh, the, the, the buying process? Did you guys show up to an open house?

• 29:38Speaker 02

  Find it on Zillow?

• 29:40Speaker 03

  No, uh, yes. I found it on Zillow. Uh, Fan Realtor.

• 29:45H. Foley?

  Fan?

• 29:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, Realtor who's a fan.

• 29:47H. Foley?

  Oh, okay. Thought that was some new company.

• 29:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, Fan Re- yeah, P R A N. They don't speak any English, but they are aggressive. "You buy a house now! You sell me!"

• 30:01H. Foley?

  "You sell me?"

• 30:04Speaker 03

  We went and uh, no, he went and took it to show it to us, which is a weird, I've never done this process before, so it is funny like, going in and then at some point, like, when you walk through, especially when you're by yourself, not an open house, you're seeing like, yourself in this. Especially when you liked, we liked it right away, so we were like, "Yo, this is actually pretty great." "This is pretty great. Not, not, not very big, which we kinda wanted also. It's just two of us and a dog."

• 30:29H. Foley?

  And all that toilet paper.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  And all that toilet paper, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we got a guest room. I, I leave the TV on for my toilet paper, so it doesn't freak out when we're gone.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  I don't want it to bind up.

• 30:41Speaker 02

  Mommy and dad will be back in a couple hours, okay?

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Shh, shh.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  Did you ever get Scott toilet paper wet and then let it dry and then use it anyway?

• 30:49H. Foley?

  Oh, man.

• 30:51Speaker 03

  It's like the toilet paper they gave you in Boy Scouts, where you have to wet it to make it toilet paper?

• 30:55H. Foley?

  No, I didn't know that.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  You ever see it? It's like this big, and then you wet it and it becomes like dirt.

• 30:59H. Foley?

  You were a Boy Scout? How did we miss that?

• 31:01Speaker 03

  Uh, for a minute. Very short amount of time.

• 31:04Speaker 02

  In his early twenties.

• 31:05Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, Boy Scouts, I said, uh, my nickname should've been Guys, cause that's what I said I would always yell, like, they would go, we went camp, I went, I was in it for a couple weeks, the first camping trip I was done. I went, everybody goes, "Let's go for a night jog in the woods," very city kids. I am at least, and they're jogging, and then eventually I started, like, not even hearing their footsteps in front of me anymore, and just me yelling the word "Guys" so much, like, "Guys, wait up. Guys, please."

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Guys, a little more panic each time.

• 31:32Speaker 03

  Guys, please!

• 31:33H. Foley?

  That's how you get abducted by aliens.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  Guys, I think we should probably go back to camp! Anybody else cramping up? I think they said they wanted to go over and like, meet up with the girls that were at the girls camp and I, I don't think that's safe or smart. I didn't bring protection. Then we slept in what I can only equate to that Blair Witch House where the guy was waiting in the corner with handprints all over the wall with leaves on the ground. We slept in something like that and then I was just like, yo, this is not my thing at all. So I left the Boy Scouts pretty quick, but. These guys aren't even smoking weed.

• 32:03H. Foley?

  Disrespectful discharge.

• 32:03Speaker 03

  So with the, so the septic tank's brand new.

• 32:07H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  But they really, you know, and I've, they say, you know, obviously like, just toilet paper in there. Shit, piss and toilet paper. That's it. No wipes, even if they say flushable wipes. Now, what I'm here to say, and you have a large audience, so I hope this, where's my camera here?

• 32:23Speaker 03

  I've never, ever, and I've been to a lot of people's houses that have septic tanks and many Airbnbs that have septic tanks where there are signs begging me, three different places in the house, begging me to not flush anything except toilet paper down, um, because of the septic tank, down the toilet, even flushable wipes. And every time I have put flushable wipes, cigarette butts, weed butts, um, anything I could possibly think of, uh, Noxzema wipes that I use on my face to make sure I don't get pimples, uh, everything goes down. True man's man. I have never respected anybody else's septic system. Mm-hmm. But I'm putting out there in the world, please, don't make me pay the price for that.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  I'm sorry. The toilet gods, if you come over. There will be, there's three toilets. I will have all of them fitted with a lovely bidet that apparently is good. Ah, yes. Because now I have to, because I'm a wipes guy. Sure. So this is gonna be a new world for me and everybody says it's great. To me, it sounds like I'm shitting on a stick like it's a test.

• 33:26H. Foley?

  Nah, they're great.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  Yeah?

• 33:27H. Foley?

  Yeah, you'll like it.

• 33:28Speaker 03

  You're a big guy too, so you could tell.

• 33:30H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 33:31Speaker 03

  What's?

• 33:31H. Foley?

  That's the work for you.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  Really? It's like autopilot, scrubbing bubbles, like cruise control. First things first, you know you're done, you squirt that water. It's hard enough to figure you're getting clean.

• 33:40H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  And now my question is, what's the, after the squirts happen?

• 33:45H. Foley?

  You gotta do, you gotta, you do a little.

• 33:47Speaker 03

  But how many, how many fucking fist grips do you take up there?

• 33:51H. Foley?

  A lot less than if you didn't have it.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:54Speaker 03

  But you say two, three fist grips?

• 33:55H. Foley?

  No, I would say maybe one or two, you should be good.

• 33:58Speaker 03

  Never less than two, because even if the first one's clean, I always go in for another just to make sure he goes, and I'll tell you what, I've had an all white come up, and a little brown speck come up after an all white before.

• 34:10H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 34:11Speaker 03

  It's happened.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  Goddamn Houdini down there.

• 34:13H. Foley?

  I gotta tell you this.

• 34:14Speaker 03

  You think all that shit's gone? Nope. One red, crushed red pepper flake, a shit left.

• 34:19H. Foley?

  My age and my size, I see one spot, two spots, I'm okay with it.

• 34:26Speaker 03

  No!

• 34:27H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Come on.

• 34:28H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 34:29Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 34:29H. Foley?

  I'm usually coordinating it though, and I'm going into the shower.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  That's okay, that's different.

• 34:34Speaker 02

  No, he's not.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  Different game.

• 34:35H. Foley?

  Ninety percent of the time, my, my-

• 34:37Speaker 03

  It's a different game. I've always tried to be so clean, I said, because when something smells bad in the room, I, as a fat guy, you wanna make sure it's not me.

• 34:43Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  Assuming people think it's me. If I have two little shit dots still, and I haven't had a full two blank wipes, um, when there's a smell, I'll assume it's me, I'll awkwardly leave. I would, uh, I would be like ashamed, I would definitely think it's me, I go, those two shit specks are fucking creeping back on me, I knew it. I'm sweating down there or something.

• 35:05H. Foley?

  And they're like, they've activated.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, now it's turning the fluid, and it's probably down the back of my knees at this point.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  Oh man, I've done that so many times.

• 35:11H. Foley?

  And when you, when you see one, it's like mice, there's probably hundreds.

• 35:14Speaker 02

  The rule of roaches.

• 35:16H. Foley?

  Um-

• 35:17Speaker 03

  You gotta block the path of entry.

• 35:19H. Foley?

  I one hundred percent support you on that statement, I also one hundred percent support you on the ignoring, don't put anything else in there, we-

• 35:27Speaker 02

  That's not your problem.

• 35:28H. Foley?

  We used wipes for the two years that we lived in the apartment that we're in now. And I think about six months ago,

• 35:37H. Foley?

  everything stopped. And they had, the, the super came up, he couldn't get it with a regular snake. He's like, you sure you didn't drop something in there? I'm like, nah, nothing. He's like, he thought it was like a battery or something in there, clogging it up. So they brought in a, uh, a plumber, and this guy had like an induct, like you could have fucking scaled my building with how long the snake was.

• 35:59Speaker 02

  Nice.

• 36:00H. Foley?

  And they went in there. And they yanked this out and it was just all wipes.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:05H. Foley?

  And we were you, we were using these wipes. He says, you cannot. And I'm like, I'm sorry that.

• 36:11Speaker 03

  Did you play dumb?

• 36:12H. Foley?

  Played, yeah, no, I'm like, oh, we only use one or two. Meanwhile, I'm going through, it's like a deck of cards.

• 36:18Speaker 03

  Oh, absolutely.

• 36:19H. Foley?

  Crushing.

• 36:19Speaker 03

  I reckless abandon. I get them from Costco and, uh, they deliver a nice big old pouch of them. Put one in my suitcase. One in each bathroom. But those days are over. I'll still get them for the road.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 36:33Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna respect some fucking hotel system.

• 36:34H. Foley?

  We waited about a month and now we are just back. A different brand that says flushable.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Of course, yeah, the Costco bands never had problems with, but our superintendent, when we lived at the other place, begged us many times not. And then we would just go, oh, so just if we ever need him to come in, just don't have them out.

• 36:51H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 36:51Speaker 03

  That was it. It's still happening every day. Over and over and over.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't.

• 36:55Speaker 03

  The concept.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  You can't fuck with it like that.

• 36:57Speaker 03

  The freshness, the concept of, and some people do this in their lives, of throwing in garbage can, anything shit related is bonkers.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  Why don't you try to get one of those like, uh, needle depository things, like those bio hazard?

• 37:09Speaker 03

  Even if.

• 37:10Speaker 02

  Get an airtight, some, some airtight.

• 37:12Speaker 03

  You know what diaper genie is?

• 37:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, something like that.

• 37:14Speaker 03

  Where it makes like sausage links to your fucking, of your turd papers?

• 37:17H. Foley?

  They're one of those air things they have at the bank when you do, when you do it. Just shoots up.

• 37:21Speaker 03

  No, just send it off in the gods earth, dude. When they got rid of Spock. Remember they got rid of Spock's body in Star Trek three?

• 37:29H. Foley?

  Oh, man.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 37:31H. Foley?

  All right, so you have a fan that, that, that, that's the realtor, so, no, cause I was just gonna say,

• 37:39H. Foley?

  you're rolling in, you got the gloves, you got the hair, you got the.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  You look like you're not qualifying for the loan. Thank you. If I love you, but it looks like it's.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  Luckily, he was a fan for that regard for sure, because we went to.

• 37:50H. Foley?

  Cause you don't dress it up.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  No, we went, no, especially when I'm doing something like this, it's, it's a time where I'm like, it'll be me coming off of a plane sometimes, sweatpants.

• 37:58H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  Whatever. And then like, uh, or like, early enough, like, let's do this. And then I, we have to go home and get ready for work or whatever. So like, no, it was, they always called me sweatpants, one leg up, uh, by design.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  You smoking out front of the house?

• 38:13Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 38:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, you are. When you get there.

• 38:14Speaker 03

  What the fuck? First day, yeah.

• 38:16Speaker 02

  It's raining, you go in, reeking the place up.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  You know, it's nice sometimes, I'll tell you what. I don't know how much damage it does to a person who doesn't smoke, a Realtor doesn't smoke. If you're a Realtor, which I, a couple of them did smoke. Now they're, it's a little buddy buddy, you bonded a little bit.

• 38:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, and go out there, you think you can get it?

• 38:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, it's like, these fucking nerds probably don't even smoke in here, am I right?

• 38:37Speaker 02

  He's smoking. You're gonna be smoking in the house. You think? No?

• 38:40Speaker 03

  No, not at all.

• 38:40Speaker 02

  Cause you're a very, you're a very cigs inside kinda guy.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  I'm not, not at all.

• 38:44H. Foley?

  I thought you were a cigs on the can guy.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  No.

• 38:46H. Foley?

  You know, like a heater on the can?

• 38:48Speaker 02

  I smoked in your apartment though, no? I guess we smoked out front.

• 38:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:51H. Foley?

  I think we did smoke out front.

• 38:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, no cigarettes for sure in the house at all. Weed for sure in the house, yeah. Oh, weed in the house all day. Probably less though, with that kinda outside, kinda quiet space. But that was a fuck hilarious thing.

• 39:04Speaker 05

  Witness the beginning of the revolution. Hey Mitch, you've been trying to take down these games from Star. Film for IMAX. Make them remember you. The Hunger Games: Sunrise on the Leaping, November 20th, rated PG-13.

• 39:20Speaker 06

  It's me, the.

• 39:23Speaker 06

  We don't need the jingle twice.

• 39:26Speaker 06

  Stop it. This is about vacation inflation and how Priceline negotiates amazing deals on hotels, flights, and rental cars.

• 39:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, but I didn't mention that you can save up to 60% off hotels in the Priceline app. Fine. No one deals more deals than. Please stop. Touche.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  I tested, this place has, which I love. One of the coolest things, like an outside kinda pavilion.

• 39:52H. Foley?

  It's nice.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  It's like a gazebo, but it's like a actual structure.

• 39:56Speaker 02

  I think if I remember correctly, you got fans outside.

• 39:59Speaker 03

  There's a fan, there's a TV in it, and a fireplace.

• 40:01H. Foley?

  Pavilion is not the right word.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  It's a pavilion. It's not a gazebo.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  It's not at the civic center.

• 40:08H. Foley?

  He's out at the paddock.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  Jay's in the infield out there, uh, checking on the-

• 40:14Speaker 03

  It's just a small little outdoor amphitheater I have.

• 40:17Speaker 02

  Got the goddamn Tweeter Center out there.

• 40:19Speaker 03

  But it's got the TV and everything out there and like a little, uh, thing, but that's, but one of the-

• 40:23H. Foley?

  No walls, no walls.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  One of the things I did, no walls, yeah. One of the things I had to test first of all, because they're also leaving the furniture in that, which is great, like great outside furniture, for that thing. But I had to sit in it right away, on viewing of the house and rip the butt sitting on that furniture outside and the people, and I can go, "Yeah, I like this."

• 40:42Speaker 02

  Could see myself doing this.

• 40:43Speaker 03

  He goes, "I could definitely smoke butts out here in this thing."

• 40:45H. Foley?

  Was there other people looking at the house? That day?

• 40:49Speaker 03

  Well, it was just us for a while. That's what I was saying almost, like you're kind of picturing yourself in it and then all of a sudden another guy shows up and then like, our realtor's got beef with that guy, you know what I mean? He's like, "This fucking guy, he's probably gonna tell them that the electricity, electrical system here is perfect."

• 41:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:03Speaker 03

  It's probably, it's not though.

• 41:05Speaker 02

  I know.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'll tell you for sure.

• 41:07H. Foley?

  Can you imagine walking in and looking at a house and Jay sitting in the backyard?

• 41:10Speaker 02

  With gloves on. This place got squatters?

• 41:12Speaker 03

  Definitely gloves, maybe not gloves, but definitely everything else you'd think. With sweatpants and whatever.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  You're big Jay, smoking on, yeah.

• 41:19H. Foley?

  I would assume that you were the son of the person that lived there who died and you're selling the house.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  Also, I like-

• 41:24H. Foley?

  From under your other siblings.

• 41:26Speaker 03

  Keep in mind, some element of me also kind of likes the idea of that though.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  Like, "Yeah, I can buy this fucking house."

• 41:32Speaker 03

  I wouldn't look if I couldn't afford it, diggity.

• 41:34H. Foley?

  Yeah, no kidding. Kebby, let's talk about Aura Frames.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  Uh, who, at this point, if you don't know about Aura Frames, you are a bozo. Yeah, you're an idiot. And I'll tell you what, right now, holidays, Aura Frames. Aura Frames, holidays. Go hand in hand. You wanna know why? It's the best gift out there. You can shut everybody up, dude. Shut them up. It'll take you 10 minutes, dude. It'll take you less than 10 minutes. Two clicks of the buttons and you got everybody in your family laced. Covered. Broads. Old people. Aunts, uncles, side pieces, whatever-

• 42:03H. Foley?

  Let them know what you're doing when you're not around, you know what I mean?

• 42:06Speaker 02

  Uh huh, and if you don't know, it is the number one, uh, name number one, uh, digital frames by Wirecutter. It's incredibly easy to, to share unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone to the frame, wherever the frame is, bada bing bada boom, you set it up, and all, "Hey, look at us, we're here, we're there, this is the kid doing that, this is my B-hole," whatever it is. They got you covered. And it's the thing that keeps on giving, it's that gift that keeps on giving. So save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off Aura Frames best-selling Carver Matte Frames by using the promo code GARBAGE at checkout. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, Frames.com, promo code you-know-it, GARBAGE. This deal is exclusive to AYG listeners, so get yours now, just in time for the holidays. Terms and conditions apply. Do it!

• 42:49H. Foley?

  Yeah. Okay, let's talk about our good friends over there at Morgan & Morgan.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  I'll name them again, Morgan, Morgan, Morgan and Morgan.

• 42:55H. Foley?

  That's right, gang. Life can be crazy sometimes, and one person's negligence can result in another's settlement.

• 43:01Speaker 02

  Uh huh, I'm talking cash.

• 43:03H. Foley?

  If you're injured by negligence of another, you deserve to be paid. I'll say that again, you deserve to be paid. And who's gonna help you do that? Morgan & Morgan, baby.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  Uh huh, and if you're in an accident, not calling a lawyer means you could be leaving a lot of money on the table for your pain and suffering.

• 43:20H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 43:20Speaker 02

  Uh, when you're seriously hurt, your injury could be worth millions. Hey, it ain't your fault that that guy screwed up. Call Morgan & Morgan, see if he got a case, you know what I mean? If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan & Morgan. Uh, Morgan & Morgan is America's largest, largest injury law firm. They have over 100 offices nationwide and more than 1,000 lawyers with over $20 billion recovered for over 500,000 clients, baby. They're taking care of the, the working man out there. Morgan & Morgan has proven track record of fighting to get you fair compensation. Submitting a claim with Morgan is so easy. Uh, so if you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan & Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win.

• 43:57H. Foley?

  Look at that.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  And that's how good they are. For more information, go to ForThePeople.com/garbage or dial pound law, that's pound 529 from your cell phone. That's F-O-R-the-people.com/garbage or pound law, pound 529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement. Well, I think we have that a lot when I go to not even a nice, just a place that I'm, we're not used to.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  You're going like, oh, they know I don't, like, you have like a wrinkled golf shirt on, you're like, they know I don't belong here.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  And the thing is like, there is something to, like, it's going like, it's like, no, I do, though. I just don't dress like a nerd.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, pussy.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  Fuck, you guys are all pussies. I'm still here, too.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  I'm out here living the dream.

• 44:34Speaker 03

  Hey, put his tab on my tab.

• 44:36H. Foley?

  Like, a year and a half ago, we went to Sparks Steakhouse.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:40H. Foley?

  And it was me, it was us, and Reggie was with us.

• 44:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:42H. Foley?

  And the waiter came over and was like, the other table wants to know what the name of your band is.

• 44:48Speaker 02

  They're like, there's no way you guys, everyone's in suits and ties. Dude, he's got like a stained shirt on, a knitted cap.

• 44:55Speaker 03

  Dude, I've worn, I've worn a black hoodie to Old Homestead, Peter Luger's. I walk right in, it's like, who cares?

• 45:04H. Foley?

  What does it take?

• 45:05Speaker 03

  Bring a steak, idiot.

• 45:06H. Foley?

  What does it take for you to get out of the uniform and to have?

• 45:10Speaker 03

  I went to Bobby Kelly's for Thanksgiving and put on a black dress shirt.

• 45:13Speaker 02

  Really? What's a black, what's a Big Jay black dress shirt look like?

• 45:16Speaker 03

  Just regular.

• 45:17Speaker 02

  Like a, like a black long sleeve.

• 45:18Speaker 03

  Like a DJ at a wedding. Yeah. Black long sleeve button down. Yeah, no paisley pattern or something funny on it. Not tucked in.

• 45:25Speaker 02

  Same jeans?

• 45:27Speaker 03

  Jeans.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  You have the scarf hanging?

• 45:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:29Speaker 02

  Chain wallet?

• 45:30Speaker 03

  No.

• 45:30Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 45:30Speaker 03

  Yes?

• 45:31Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 45:32Speaker 03

  No. Gloves? You have the gloves? I was cold out.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  It's cold. It's goddamn the end of November.

• 45:38Speaker 03

  Not for dinner.

• 45:40Speaker 02

  I put all my eating gloves in that.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  I mean, not for dinner. Uh, of course, any funeral.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  A wedding.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 45:48Speaker 03

  Um, for sure, yeah.

• 45:49H. Foley?

  I respect it, too.

• 45:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know all those things without a doubt. And by the way, if, if somebody wanted to go to a place, look, that was the, we had that thing in a, me and Christine went to the Southampton or something for a weekend. It was my birthday time and we went to a.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  My birthday time? What are you, 11? It's my birthday time. My birthday.

• 46:09Speaker 03

  My birthday weekend, I guess.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  What are you, an old, middle-aged black lady? It's my birthday month.

• 46:14Speaker 03

  It was the month. My whole month.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  Birthday time, birthday time.

• 46:19Speaker 03

  So Birthday Time was there, in East Hampton's. And she goes, um, let's go somewhere to eat. We'll go out to eat for your birthday. So we picked this place. It was called East Hampton Grill. Shout out them, because they suck dick. They, uh...

• 46:35Speaker 02

  Said I can't wear my bathing suit.

• 46:36Speaker 03

  Food was pretty good, though. But, uh, we looked up. Is there, like, a dress code for this place? Because I had... Or I didn't pack anything. I didn't know we were gonna go to dinner to a nice place. So I didn't pack anything for it, so I was like, oh, let's just, like, make sure wherever we go, it just doesn't have a good dress code.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, a little more cash.

• 46:52Speaker 03

  Or call, you know what I mean, and ask. And we looked all over this website for this restaurant, called... They said it was fine. And then, when we showed up, we asked, when I walked in, and we kinda said, like, hey, we have a reservation for two, whatever. I was like, they'll tell me. They'll tell me right there and there, if they would be like, sir, you have to...

• 47:11Speaker 02

  My word!

• 47:12Speaker 03

  Was, at the front desk, I would have been quietly like, oh, okay, I'm sorry, I didn't know, the website didn't say. I wouldn't have fought for it or made a scene, I'd have been like, alright, let's fucking go pizza.

• 47:20Speaker 02

  Tell me my Mo- Ball, my Mo- Walk's no good around here.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  Are you telling me? You're looking me in the fucking face right now?

• 47:32Speaker 03

  You fuck.

• 47:33Speaker 02

  What the hell kinda joint is this?

• 47:35H. Foley?

  You got something against nose rings, lady?

• 47:40Speaker 02

  Oh, no neck tattoos in your establishment?

• 47:42Speaker 03

  Okay, princess. Then we realized it was a meeting of dignitaries.

• 47:48H. Foley?

  I'm sorry, I can't bring my dog in here.

• 47:51Speaker 03

  I can't, I ride a Mastiff in. With a Cypress Hills shirt. I think I was wearing a Cypress Hills shirt.

• 47:57Speaker 02

  This place is full of losers, anyway.

• 47:59H. Foley?

  I was gonna say, the list of things that you can't wear to get into a club that you would see, I would say ninety percent of the time, that's what you're wearing.

• 48:08Speaker 02

  It's Tim's. Unlace Tim's. It's unlaced.

• 48:12H. Foley?

  A baseball hat on backwards.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  No, cock to the side. Not totally to the side. Just looking like, uh, what do you call that, northeast?

• 48:21Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 48:22H. Foley?

  As a crow flies.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  Some sort of sports memorabilia.

• 48:27Speaker 03

  It's possible.

• 48:28H. Foley?

  Tag top, jean shorts.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  What's the day of the week, is it?

• 48:31Speaker 02

  Exposed tattoos.

• 48:32Speaker 03

  Exposed tattoos. Um...

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Where were we in this evening?

• 48:38H. Foley?

  I thought I was supposed to wear this stuff, I'm sorry.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  I'll take you back.

• 48:42H. Foley?

  I think you were about to get thrown out of a restaurant in Athens.

• 48:44Speaker 02

  You're doing burnouts at the East River parking lot. You're laying weed.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  Oh, oh yeah. We go in, we say reservation.

• 48:52H. Foley?

  Sir, that's a chocolate fountain, not an ashtray.

• 48:55H. Foley?

  Excuse me.

• 48:57Speaker 02

  Sir, no smoking in here, you're leaning at the door, you're like, I'm not even inside, dick.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  Dude, they, ah shit, they, uh, we walked in, says our reservation date, didn't say anything, they were like, yeah, we'll be, give us 15 minutes or whatever. Uh, went outside, ripped the butt by the heater, by the little big outside propane heater, yeah.

• 49:14Speaker 02

  That is, that is, that is a dirtbag fucking light.

• 49:17H. Foley?

  It's nice toasty though.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  And then they said, here's your table, we walk, and then as I'm walking by, I was like, I'm a little nervous, then I saw guys in there in sweatpants.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  Which I would never have done, I wouldn't go to dinner in sweatpants, ever.

• 49:28H. Foley?

  Gentlemen.

• 49:29Speaker 03

  Uh, a guy in shorts, and like a t-shirt, and, uh, which I was wearing shorts.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:35Speaker 03

  Also, yes, so, um, nice Jordans though. And then, uh, we sit down at the table, we go, I even noticed they go, oh, look, Christine, that's Chris Cuomo over there, we're eating at a place where Chris Cuomo's eating.

• 49:48H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 49:49Speaker 03

  Uh, we have dinner, it's pretty good, uh, we get dessert to go, and, uh, they come out. Huh?

• 49:57H. Foley?

  Why?

• 49:58Speaker 03

  Full of shit, it was my birthday time.

• 50:01Speaker 02

  Wrap up some of those rolls, dude.

• 50:02H. Foley?

  So you're gonna, wait, so you're gonna have the, you're gonna have the dessert later at, back at the hotel?

• 50:06Speaker 03

  At the Airbnb.

• 50:07Speaker 02

  I picture him, I'll do the, uh, soft pretzel, medium well, please.

• 50:10Speaker 03

  Me and Christine were taking us epic at the time, so we were full quick. And so, but we wanted dessert, so we, uh, we brought back to the place, but, uh, when we were leaving, I, I go, when he, when we ordered the dessert to go, I was like, oh, here too, I go, gave him my card, and I was like, you just bring the check, uh, whenever you're ready. And he was like, okay, and he comes out, and he drops the check with my credit card, and a little business card that says, this is pre-prepared, was how they're gonna say this. They go, we hope you enjoyed, uh, dining with us, we would just appreciate next time if you would observe our...

• 50:42Speaker 02

  What?

• 50:43Speaker 03

  Our, our, our rules of, uh...

• 50:45Speaker 02

  Attire.

• 50:46Speaker 03

  Attire, yeah, clothes, and I was like... And I tipped, I know it wasn't the waiter's fault.

• 50:52Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  But I, so I tipped him, fine. But I said to the guy, I was like, "Who?"

• 50:57Speaker 02

  What is this?

• 50:57Speaker 03

  Like, "Who tells you to do this?" And he was like, uh, "Oh, the manager."

• 51:02H. Foley?

  Common sense and decorum, Sam.

• 51:04Speaker 03

  Dude, this goes so hilarious.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  We're in a society.

• 51:07Speaker 03

  This goes so funny. I wish the story ended in me being awesome. Um, I mean, they're still jerk off. They suck, for sure, this. Because then the waitress comes out, she goes, "Oh, no, it wasn't meant to, if you were offended by it, I didn't mean for you to be offended."

• 51:18Speaker 02

  What?

• 51:18Speaker 03

  I go,

• 51:18Speaker 02

  Call me a bum?

• 51:20Speaker 03

  I mean, like, yeah, I'm like, here's the thing. If you told me when I came in that there's a dress code and we can't let you in, I would have laughed and understood. You can't serve me, take my money, and then when you're asking me to tip a guy, uh, have him lay down a card, you put him in a situation. I'm like, "Lay down a card that says, like, 'By the way, you look like shit, fix that next time.'" And they were like, "Well, I'm sorry, you're just doing a lot of 'I'm sorry you feel that way.'"

• 51:43Speaker 02

  Is this the manager?

• 51:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. "I'm sorry you feel that way." And I was, it was a, it was a woman. So I,

• 51:48Speaker 02

  Dumb bitch.

• 51:49Speaker 03

  I eventually, this is the two things Christine had to sit there and, and keep a straight face for. I went, "I wish you were a dude so I could slap you in your dumb fucking face." And then,

• 51:58Speaker 02

  Man, we, we get hurt so quick.

• 52:00Speaker 03

  I was hurt.

• 52:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:01Speaker 03

  I'm a people hurt people.

• 52:02Speaker 02

  I would've said the same.

• 52:03H. Foley?

  You were sitting backwards in the chair.

• 52:07Speaker 02

  Like the phone.

• 52:08Speaker 03

  I wish, if I was a dude, I would slap you right in your fucking face. And then, uh, she goes, "I understand." I go, "Oh, understand this? I've got a national radio show on Sirius XM, so a lot of people will be hearing about this."

• 52:20Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 52:22Speaker 03

  I walked right outside and lit a cigarette and went, "That was gay."

• 52:27Speaker 03

  Hey, you'll be hearing about this, you just fucked with the wrong bull.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  You're gonna hear about this on radio.

• 52:35H. Foley?

  You forgot you deserved you to walk back in and grab him.

• 52:37Speaker 03

  Also, where's my, where's my seven-layer cake?

• 52:45H. Foley?

  I'll be taking my creme brulee home.

• 52:47Speaker 03

  I went home, I said dumb shit, I looked like a fucking bum to Christine on my birthday time. Right around my birthday time.

• 52:54H. Foley?

  The balloons hanging off your chair didn't help.

• 52:58Speaker 02

  I mean dude, that is an all time bozo move.

• 53:01Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 53:02Speaker 02

  I get it, I get it.

• 53:04Speaker 03

  I have a radio show, and they're gonna, well, it was very like-

• 53:08Speaker 02

  Sure you do, sir.

• 53:10Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, we'll be tuning in. Yes, yes. I do.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  Nationally syndicated.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  So funny, we get hurt, but the weirdest thing, how many things I can walk away from versus like, that was just, again, it's the, it's the lack of justice in like, the way they, again, in my mind, I'm like, I walk into these places going like, we were saying earlier, you're like, alright, I'm not supposed to be here.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, bounce me out of here.

• 53:36H. Foley?

  What was the bill? Can I ask you that? Two, three hundred? You're drinking, right? You have cocktails?

• 53:41Speaker 03

  Let me try to think, yeah.

• 53:42Speaker 02

  He was drinking as hard as Lipton hard, I'd say.

• 53:44Speaker 03

  Four hundred bucks probably.

• 53:45H. Foley?

  Jeez, man. And the waiter's gotta come over and give that before you sign the thing.

• 53:50Speaker 03

  With the, and this is how much it costs, and this is the suggested tip.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, nah, fuck that. If you have the money, fuck all of that. If you have the money to spend, they go, hey, you're here, you belong here, you got the fucking cash, and you were nice enough to call, ask, fuck that, yeah, fuck that.

• 54:05Speaker 03

  No, yeah, they were shitty, dude.

• 54:06H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 54:07Speaker 03

  East Hampton Grill.

• 54:07H. Foley?

  With a four hundred dollar bill.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  It was so, I was like, damn, and I said, and like, I tipped the guy, like, good on it, and then it was just like, I said, well, he was apologetic almost when we kinda even mentioned, he was just kinda hoping, he just dropped it with that way, like, maybe they just won't ever say anything about it again, I'm like, oh, we'll say something, or my national radio program?

• 54:24Speaker 02

  Have you seen my dye hair? You think I'm letting this dye right now?

• 54:27H. Foley?

  So the, so the lady, the manager probably made him do it, I would assume.

• 54:31Speaker 03

  Oh, yes, absolutely. But I was like, what a weird fucking thing to point out and fucking do him. Yeah, yeah. Hey, we let him in already, but uh, go insult the shit out of him.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm looking, dog.

• 54:42H. Foley?

  To whom it may concern.

• 54:43Speaker 02

  Apparently got a good scallop salad going, oh.

• 54:46Speaker 03

  Oh, listen, the food wasn't the issue at all, food was good.

• 54:49Speaker 02

  Here's, here's Big Jay's review.

• 54:52Speaker 02

  I have a, I'm a national radio DJ.

• 54:56H. Foley?

  Bigs in the blanket, what's the deal?

• 54:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, this place sucks.

• 55:00Speaker 02

  Where'd you get all this, where'd you get all this food, Trader Joe's?

• 55:03Speaker 03

  You call yourself a grill?

• 55:05H. Foley?

  When I get a Dirty Shirley, I want three cherries.

• 55:08Speaker 03

  You don't even have Jack Daniels sauce?

• 55:12Speaker 03

  Sir, we can't call it that legally. It's called bourbon sauce. I like when it's Jack Daniels.

• 55:17H. Foley?

  No little swords in the drinks, I'm out. Skip it.

• 55:21Speaker 03

  By the way, how much I don't order a martini if they don't have blue cheese olives?

• 55:27H. Foley?

  The bacon stuffed blue cheese olives?

• 55:28Speaker 03

  I go, do you guys have blue cheese olives? They go, if they go, no, sorry, I go, it's fine, I have a Diet Coke. It'll drive me back to a Diet Coke.

• 55:35Speaker 02

  Really?

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Hundred percent.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  I'll, I'll do a regular, I'll do, I'll do a martini with regular olives and a side of blue cheese.

• 55:42H. Foley?

  Wait, that'll stop you?

• 55:42Speaker 03

  I start speckling, I start speckling my olives.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Can you make sure these things are pitted?

• 55:49H. Foley?

  Wait, that'll keep you from drinking?

• 55:52Speaker 03

  A martini.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you go back to Diet Coke?

• 55:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, then I have to think about what I'm doing next, so is this worth it?

• 55:58Speaker 02

  Oh shit, I only had one move here.

• 55:59Speaker 03

  Well, martini's kind of the drink I'll get at a, if I go to a steakhouse.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  I do a Manhattan. I go, give me a Manhattan. They go, what do you want? Fireball, I go, whatever you prefer, give it to me.

• 56:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, a nice restaurant, I'll do a martini. It's a lot of booze in one shot. It's a lot of booze and it's kind of easy to get down if you get it extra dirty and stuff like that.

• 56:17H. Foley?

  I love them.

• 56:18Speaker 03

  So it is.

• 56:18H. Foley?

  I love them.

• 56:18Speaker 03

  Get you warm quick.

• 56:19H. Foley?

  Yes, I love them.

• 56:20Speaker 03

  And so I'll bang out, uh, two of those at a steakhouse dinner and feel nice.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 56:24H. Foley?

  That's my first move, baby, I'm with you.

• 56:26Speaker 03

  If there's no blue cheese olives, I'm back down to Diet Coke and I'm thinking about like, maybe I don't drink tonight.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  That's crazy to me.

• 56:32Speaker 03

  Cause I was only gonna have two anyway and it's like, it's not gonna be blue cheese olives though. And then it's all those little weird ice chips and, I'll tell you what, a classy place though will give you a little ramekin of olive juice next to it.

• 56:46Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 56:46Speaker 03

  You make it how dirty you want.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  I go, thanks, you pig. I've, I've, you've ordered a lot of dirty martini, I don't think you've ever gotten that.

• 56:52H. Foley?

  I have, I've, I've asked for a side of, a side of, um...

• 56:55Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  That feels as good as when they give you the rest of the milkshake in the tin.

• 56:59Speaker 02

  I, I meant from a...

• 57:01H. Foley?

  They give you the shaker sometimes, there you go, finish it off. I don't mind that either.

• 57:05Speaker 02

  Okay, alright.

• 57:06H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 57:07Speaker 02

  So you're, you're, the house? You, we got the car, you're gonna make a big Costco run? What are some, you got the septic tank squared away, what are some of the bigger? What are some of the staples you go, Christine? This has to happen.

• 57:21H. Foley?

  And are we starting fresh?

• 57:22Speaker 02

  TV, surround sound, what do you, what is, what are you doing?

• 57:26Speaker 03

  Freestanding hot tub.

• 57:27H. Foley?

  Freestanding hot tub.

• 57:28Speaker 02

  Dirtbag 101.

• 57:30Speaker 03

  Outdoor.

• 57:30Speaker 02

  Outdoor.

• 57:31H. Foley?

  In the pavilion?

• 57:31Speaker 02

  Standalone hot tub.

• 57:33Speaker 03

  No, on, on the actual patio, like, right off the house.

• 57:36Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  Pavilion needs the couches and stuff in there.

• 57:39H. Foley?

  Oh, so the pavilion, oh, so, okay, so the pavilion's not attached to the house?

• 57:43Speaker 03

  No, it's like, 10 feet.

• 57:45H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 57:45Speaker 03

  Off the house.

• 57:46Speaker 02

  Nice, imagine like a covered deck, it's, it's very nice.

• 57:49H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 57:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, so.

• 57:52H. Foley?

  Is there a sink out there? Or refrigerator?

• 57:55Speaker 03

  Refrigerator.

• 57:55Speaker 02

  Really?

• 57:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 57:57Speaker 03

  It's nice. But yeah, so, outdoor hot tub, immediately.

• 58:03Speaker 02

  What are you spending on that? They're like, what, what's a, a hot tub cost?

• 58:07Speaker 03

  It's all over the place.

• 58:08Speaker 02

  You doing like a four pair, a four man, a six man, an eight man?

• 58:11Speaker 03

  I'd like to think, I'd like to think big, and you, you wanna think eight? People, but here's the reality.

• 58:16Speaker 02

  It's just gonna be you and her.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  How often is that gonna happen? And when you have a party?

• 58:20H. Foley?

  You guys like to mix it up though.

• 58:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, you guys, you guys are a little, uh, freaky deek.

• 58:24Speaker 03

  Well, you know, you need at least four in case we have to find some suiting lovers.

• 58:30Speaker 02

  Just me and Foley over there?

• 58:33Speaker 03

  The four was hot tubbing?

• 58:34H. Foley?

  I thought we were watching the game, what's going on? How do you guys feel about sharing a woman?

• 58:40Speaker 02

  I have a bikini on.

• 58:43Speaker 02

  You can have a run at mine if you want.

• 58:44H. Foley?

  How do you, how do you feel about the experience of sharing a lady?

• 58:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, outdoor hot tub's a biggie for me, now, I'll tell you the house.

• 58:51Speaker 02

  Man, that's Dirtbag 101, dude.

• 58:53Speaker 03

  And I'd like to, I keep trying to do it.

• 58:55Speaker 02

  I respect it.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  You're asking how much it's gonna cost? I don't know, because it's not that many, but I want one.

• 59:02Speaker 03

  A few of the companies have a little 22-inch screen TV that pops out. So like, my dream, here's my problem with the house.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  Gimme, gimme a number on that.

• 59:11Speaker 03

  Here's the...

• 59:13Speaker 03

  Here's the problem I was running into when I realized I had a dream that that I smashed myself when I made a simple realization not two months ago.

• 59:20Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 59:21Speaker 03

  I've always said here's why, because everybody, why do you want a pool so bad and a hot tub? And then I got talked, I wanted a hot tub that was attached to the pool.

• 59:27Speaker 02

  I'm with you.

• 59:28Speaker 03

  And then they were like, well, don't, if you get it separate.

• 59:30Speaker 02

  You can use it in the winter, yeah.

• 59:32Speaker 03

  You can use it whenever you want. All you're, so I go, okay, I made a decision on that. I go, but the heated pool is nice. And they go, because what I want is my dream.

• 59:39Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:40Speaker 03

  Of success to me.

• 59:41Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:41Speaker 03

  In the lowest level to makes me happy is coming home from work and watching a Sixers game or Eagles game from my heated pool, hot tub. I want a TV visible from those places.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  Right.

• 59:56Speaker 03

  I've said that for years, realizing just this year that those are both winter sports.

• 1:00:01Speaker 02

  Hahaha, yes.

• 1:00:03Speaker 03

  You cannot do, the thing is, I, what happened was years ago, I did this.

• 1:00:06Speaker 02

  Gotta become a baseball fan, dude.

• 1:00:07Speaker 03

  Years ago, I did this with Ari Shafir. We watched Sunday football from our pool, heated pool in Florida.

• 1:00:14Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:00:14Speaker 03

  We were in Florida. So it's always resonated with me like that's the dream right there. And you're like, oh, I can't do that. But you can get in a year-round hot tub.

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  Yes, standalone hot tub.

• 1:00:23Speaker 03

  And watch those things. So that's why the TV's important out there too, because I want to watch Sixers games from the hot tub.

• 1:00:28Speaker 02

  I would assume that there, with your clout, there's somebody out there where you could probably get one of those either strongly discounted or free.

• 1:00:37Speaker 03

  Never even thought of that.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:38Speaker 03

  I think my.

• 1:00:39Speaker 02

  There's for sure fucking hot tub salesman that listens.

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  Salesman fans, yeah. But it is funny, I don't think that we have that. In my mind, like the people will get hooked up where they go, oh dude, our fucking landscaping's probably going to be there cheap. Our tile work, don't worry about it, we're good.

• 1:00:52Speaker 02

  Best grout in the neighborhood.

• 1:00:55Speaker 03

  See, I have a bunch of super fans putting my house together. Good job, everybody. I'm going to come out and form in. Good job, everyone. Good job.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  I like it. All right. What's the, um?

• 1:01:05Speaker 03

  Oh, wait, so the other thing was, uh, so we're getting the hot tub, there is a pool.

• 1:01:10Speaker 02

  Wait, there's a pool in your house?

• 1:01:11Speaker 03

  In-ground pool.

• 1:01:12Speaker 02

  Get the fuck out of here.

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, yes.

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  Oh, nice. Jake, congratulations.

• 1:01:16Speaker 03

  This was very, very exciting for us. This pool, uh, it's, when you go out back, it's off to the side. It's gated off the way it's supposed to be.

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  Just got to empty it so we can skate.

• 1:01:23Speaker 03

  It's rectangle, unfortunately. But um, it's so we uh, we go, we look at that, we see it in pictures, we see it in person, it's great, we see all the controls, it's heated. It's like a nice heated pool and I'm so excited about this. Still am. And then we had to go, you know, so then we bought the house, or you know, made the offer, got accepted. We have to go do a uh, inspection walkthrough. With the guy, we ask um, the thing, we go, oh you know, we never even asked, he goes, how deep's the pool? And the girl goes, um, four foot eight.

• 1:02:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  And we went, to what? And they go, no, that's like the, it's three foot to four foot eight. Come again? We bought, it's called a cocktail pool.

• 1:02:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:12Speaker 03

  It's not.

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  For swinging.

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  It's, it might be for swinging.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  Get those tops off.

• 1:02:17H. Foley?

  Four eight, you're alright, four eight's good.

• 1:02:20Speaker 02

  You can't, you can't cannonball.

• 1:02:20Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:02:21H. Foley?

  Yeah, four eight, you'll be okay.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  You can't cannonball into a four eight.

• 1:02:24Speaker 03

  It is being, I'm turning it to a seven foot, that's crazy.

• 1:02:28H. Foley?

  Oh, are ya?

• 1:02:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's way less.

• 1:02:30H. Foley?

  Seven foot's crazy.

• 1:02:31Speaker 03

  It's way less than you think.

• 1:02:32Speaker 02

  Let's do a jack night down there.

• 1:02:33H. Foley?

  What are you gonna do, a high dive?

• 1:02:34Speaker 03

  I'm saying it's way less than you think, uh, as far as like what it costs to do that, putting it in a pool is very expensive.

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  Having them make it a little bit deeper isn't that bad, thank god.

• 1:02:44H. Foley?

  Is it concrete?

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  No, that's why it's not so bad.

• 1:02:47H. Foley?

  What is it, fiberglass?

• 1:02:48Speaker 03

  I have no idea.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  I just know it ain't seven.

• 1:02:50Speaker 03

  No, I know the big thing that made it like it's not a crazy thing to do to make it deeper is because it's not concrete.

• 1:02:55H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 1:02:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, but it's um.

• 1:02:58H. Foley?

  Seven feet you're going.

• 1:02:59Speaker 03

  What a funny thing, even if we go six feet, that's fine, six feet's the lowest you can go.

• 1:03:03H. Foley?

  You don't want your piggies touching.

• 1:03:05Speaker 03

  I, I don't mind them touching the whole way, as long as it goes like, above my eyes deep. But seven feet, Christine keeps saying seven feet, I'm not that married to seven feet, but I'll tell you what, I'm not into it all, four foot eight. Somebody even said, he goes, why don't you keep it for a summer and see if you like it, I go, yeah, well, I'll stand there with our belly buttons hanging out. Only the worst parts of getting in a pool are underwater.

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  Then you gotta do that thing where you're squatting.

• 1:03:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, everyone's walking around like this, yes, and if you want to just sit always, have our legs out and put your arms on the side.

• 1:03:33Speaker 02

  Dude, I did, I did that, I was, I went to Turks and Caicos, they had a swim bar, and as I started in the deeper end, and then as I started getting closer.

• 1:03:41Speaker 03

  Your knees get closer and closer to your chin.

• 1:03:42Speaker 02

  Oh dude, I was, there's like grown men standing next to me up to their knees, and I'm still doing, I'm still doing the crab.

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  Hey guys.

• 1:03:51H. Foley?

  On your back.

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  I'll do a, I do a strawberry daiquiri. Bad.

• 1:03:55Speaker 03

  As much as, just keep as much of your body underwater as possible. Hey, uh, okay, every time you go to grab a drink, you have here a splash. Thank you.

• 1:04:04H. Foley?

  Okay, so, all right, you're gonna do that.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  That's good, you're setting up the backyard.

• 1:04:06H. Foley?

  Are you doing this now? Like, are you gonna be ready to go, summer 2025?

• 1:04:10Speaker 03

  That'll be done by summer 2025.

• 1:04:12H. Foley?

  No shit.

• 1:04:12Speaker 02

  Love that.

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  Love that. It's not a long, it's not a big job, that job.

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  What are we talking, you're a TV guy, what are we talking TVs inside?

• 1:04:18Speaker 03

  All right.

• 1:04:19H. Foley?

  I was asking, are you starting fresh? Are you gonna bring like the bed from the apartment now, or are you gonna start all new?

• 1:04:24Speaker 03

  We got a great bed, so we're bringing, we have two beds, so we're bringing that bed and the other bed for the guest room, that'll stay. A lot of stuff is not coming, I'd say.

• 1:04:32H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:04:32Speaker 03

  Uh, TVs are coming, though.

• 1:04:34H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:04:34Speaker 03

  My TV game's always been tight.

• 1:04:36H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:36Speaker 02

  You've been known for that.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  I, uh, I will not be starting fresh. Now, I will say, they're leaving the TV that's outside in that gazebo.

• 1:04:46H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:47Speaker 03

  And.

• 1:04:47H. Foley?

  I'll give you Pavilion, I didn't realize it was detached.

• 1:04:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, and it's detached, and it's concrete.

• 1:04:52Speaker 02

  It's nice.

• 1:04:53Speaker 03

  That is like, it's like.

• 1:04:53Speaker 02

  It's a nice friggin' house.

• 1:04:55Speaker 03

  It's, um, so, in the Pavilion, thank you, um, they have a Samsung, which I respect.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  Man.

• 1:05:03Speaker 03

  I respect the Samsung, uh, very much, my TVs are Samsung or LG, but it's definitely beaten down, and you almost go, I wanna ask them before they move, like, what, how does it stay out all winter?

• 1:05:16Speaker 02

  So, I, they, so, what they do is there are outdoor ones.

• 1:05:20Speaker 03

  They do, okay.

• 1:05:20Speaker 02

  But nobody does that, cuz they're so cheap now. You just buy it, use it for two years till it gets fucked up, and then just replace it with another.

• 1:05:27H. Foley?

  Yeah, it'll get fucked up, if you get like a really, really cold snap, something will pop in there.

• 1:05:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, right, it just fucking goes.

• 1:05:33H. Foley?

  Yeah, or you break it down in the, in the, in the, in the winter, cuz we have one on our sun porch, which is, my mom smokes heaters, and this isn't nice by any stretch of the imagination, but she puts it in my room in the winter, and we put it outside in the summer.

• 1:05:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I mean, I need that TV outside in the winter, I think, yeah.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  No, yeah, you'll just either have to invest in a, in a, or whatever.

• 1:05:55Speaker 03

  It's got like a fur cover for it or something?

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  Chinchilla? Put it in a Eagles jersey?

• 1:06:00Speaker 03

  Heavy line it, every time we turn it down, but I was just saying, again, it makes sense, but like, that TV out there's a little beaten up, so I might wanna like, start from scratch on that one.

• 1:06:08H. Foley?

  I understand that.

• 1:06:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

• 1:06:09Speaker 03

  Like, get a newie out there, so that looks cool.

• 1:06:11H. Foley?

  Hardwood floors?

• 1:06:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:14H. Foley?

  Basement?

• 1:06:14Speaker 03

  Harbor floors, some carpeting. It's split level, so it's.

• 1:06:17H. Foley?

  Ooh, I love that.

• 1:06:18Speaker 03

  You walk into the.

• 1:06:20H. Foley?

  I grew up in a split.

• 1:06:21Speaker 03

  You go one level up and there's two more levels down.

• 1:06:23H. Foley?

  Two more levels down?

• 1:06:24Speaker 02

  Oh, that the old zigzag. Jesus.

• 1:06:26Speaker 03

  Zigzag, yeah. That's what it is.

• 1:06:27H. Foley?

  Whoa, I can't wait. Hold on.

• 1:06:28Speaker 02

  Nice house.

• 1:06:29H. Foley?

  You walk in, you're on the first floor.

• 1:06:30Speaker 03

  I figured this out the other day for me. So you walk in, you're on dining room, kitchen level.

• 1:06:34H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 1:06:35Speaker 03

  There's stairs that go up from that to the bedroom level.

• 1:06:37H. Foley?

  How many stairs?

• 1:06:38Speaker 03

  Four, five.

• 1:06:39H. Foley?

  Okay, alright.

• 1:06:40Speaker 03

  Then, also from that kitchen area, four steps down goes like a family room. That's where you go out back.

• 1:06:46H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  You go back from that way. And then there's one more step down, uh, and that goes like a big basement area.

• 1:06:51H. Foley?

  That's nice.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. And not scary. I'll tell you when we were looking.

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  Man, I got a scary basement right now. It's bad.

• 1:06:58Speaker 03

  Do you? Yeah. That's what I mean. Those kind of things, like, I, I think about that. It's not so much, I keep saying, well, I don't want Christine to be uncomfortable or weirded out when I'm not there because I'm gone so much. But in the rare occasion that Christine's gone, and God forbid she takes the dog, the only thing keeping me connected to reality in a situation where monsters might show up. Um, is that like, there's houses like, or like in our price range even that like, forget even how nice they are in any possible way, like grand entrances when you walk in feel, you feel like a jag off. And that would be terrifying to go up at night, like stairs you have to like ascend with like a candelabra in your hand or something.

• 1:07:32Speaker 02

  Look behind you real quick. You have to fucking.

• 1:07:35Speaker 03

  Make sure all of my pictures' eyes aren't moving. It's too spooky. I wanted a house that, that did feel more like someone's nice house when I was a kid and you go to their house. Like, oh, this is like comfy. Yeah.

• 1:07:46H. Foley?

  It's crazy for you to say that, like, as a successful grown man that does well, and you to even say that too. Is there any way, what does this say as the generations move forward? Is there any way that like when our parents bought our, their houses, that my dad, a Vietnam vet, would go down in the basement and be like, it's a little scary down there? There's no fucking way.

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  He was checking for landmines down there.

• 1:08:11Speaker 03

  No, I, I'll tell you why.

• 1:08:12H. Foley?

  But the fact that they.

• 1:08:13Speaker 03

  No, I think you're right.

• 1:08:14H. Foley?

  It's not scary.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  Oh dude, I was, I, I don't care. My, my, my wife wanted an old house. She's like, let's buy like an old colonial. And I'm like, what, what are you, nuts? That's where the, that's where the E B G B's.

• 1:08:27H. Foley?

  With the creepy crawlies.

• 1:08:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:08:29Speaker 03

  I've seen that when people are like, one of the, uh, like the assets of the place is like, not this one, but like some of the places I was looking at, they're like, a catacombs like, uh, stone wine cellar. And you're like, for what? Just evil to happen?

• 1:08:42Speaker 02

  For the boulter guys?

• 1:08:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, so every night a camera goes down there and sees like a breath coming out of a drain.

• 1:08:51Speaker 03

  Uh, it looks, it all looks, fruit sellers and shit. I'm like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Everything should be livable except attic and it should be get to-able in about 15 seconds.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:02Speaker 03

  And I said, uh, the neighbors are close, but I don't feel like they're, they're not on top. They're next to you, but it's not on top of you, which is a big thing too. Cause I, I always thought about that too, when I'd see places and I'd go, you know, I, cause I always said, I want to be able to do, go outside, uh, watch, you know, TV in a hot tub at two o'clock in the morning and not bother anybody. But when I look at places where I was like, where are you really by nobody? That's also another like.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  No, no way.

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  It's like The Shining. You're like, yeah, it's like, I don't want to even be, I should be, from my front door, I should be 30 seconds from being able to pound on somebody else's door and scream for help. It shouldn't be down the way.

• 1:09:39Speaker 02

  Cause you're never gonna make it.

• 1:09:40Speaker 03

  You're never gonna make it.

• 1:09:41Speaker 02

  You're never gonna make it.

• 1:09:41Speaker 03

  Those things where it's like, yeah, the road's named after you.

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:09:45Speaker 03

  That goes to your house.

• 1:09:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're on Big Jay Lane.

• 1:09:48H. Foley?

  Pound on the front door and scream.

• 1:09:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:52Speaker 03

  Help! Something terrible happening. My TV's coming.

• 1:09:56H. Foley?

  You're right out of the show. My wine cellar's trying to kill me.

• 1:10:02Speaker 03

  And they're looking through the blinds like, this fucking idiot again. I can't tell this, I can't, it breaks my heart telling me that there's no monsters three times a month.

• 1:10:11Speaker 02

  I'm serious, it's time, guys.

• 1:10:13Speaker 03

  I know, I said it before, but I heard breath coming out of the drain in the, in the evil wine cellar. Christine's sober and I don't drink wine. Why did we buy this thing?

• 1:10:24Speaker 02

  I know, I was wrong those other times. Also, the way you keep going back to breath coming out of a drain, you are really afraid of that.

• 1:10:32Speaker 03

  No, it's just I'm thinking whenever they show on a show, like, when everyone thinks things are probably done. It was a good description of when everyone thinks something's done in a horror movie, they always go to like some small thing in the basement and you just be like.

• 1:10:45Speaker 03

  Like some like, smoke or something comes out, and you think, ooh, it's not done yet.

• 1:10:48Speaker 02

  It's still an act, too. Okay, alright.

• 1:10:52Speaker 03

  I told you my basement was so when I was a kid, I called the cops because I heard noise and I was babysitting my brother and the cops just made fun of me. They just roasted me for 20 minutes.

• 1:10:58Speaker 02

  Stop you little bitch.

• 1:10:59Speaker 03

  And I felt bad. I think they called me fat. They like didn't, they were just mean and just left. Well, I've never liked cops.

• 1:11:04Speaker 02

  Did you call the cops or the school bullies?

• 1:11:06Speaker 03

  Even I, at the young age, had, I was like 11 or 12, even I'd eventually be like, hey guys, I call you for help. This isn't helping.

• 1:11:13Speaker 02

  Giving you a wedgie.

• 1:11:14Speaker 03

  They're like, I'm surprised you were able to go up and down the stairs twice to check for something.

• 1:11:17Speaker 02

  They say that to me!

• 1:11:19Speaker 03

  My mom, if my mom didn't work 24 hours a day.

• 1:11:22Speaker 02

  Uh, fuck. Alright. I mean, alright, we got TVs, you got the outdoor, you got this non spooky basement.

• 1:11:30H. Foley?

  Do you see yourself in the mornings in the summer, getting up and going out to the pool and swimming some laps? Anything like that?

• 1:11:39Speaker 03

  Maybe laps, but definitely getting in a pool.

• 1:11:41H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 1:11:42Speaker 03

  I've never been a real big swimmer. I can swim, but I've never gotten to a pool to swim. I've gotten to a pool to do two things. Crab walk around. Um, and then, uh, underwater flips. Nonstop underwater flips. Anyone who's close to me will tell you that is my thing I do. I take a lot of pride in it. I'm up to four flips in a row, no taking a breath in between. Once my little arms start paddling, dude, I go. The first flip, then you just catch the rhythm, dude, and then you're fucking cooking. Like a goddamn.

• 1:12:13Speaker 02

  Your neighbors are gonna look out the window like, this, how does every guy have all this money?

• 1:12:17Speaker 03

  They're absolutely gonna be like, yo, it's just this guy flipping underwater.

• 1:12:20Speaker 02

  Four, four feet, eight inches, I can't flipping that.

• 1:12:23Speaker 03

  A pool? Kevin, maybe you would understand this. Foley, you'll get it. A pool is a fat man's roller coaster. They can't tell you, you can't go in because you're too big for it, you can't anything. And then it's the only time in life you're light as air, as everybody else. As everybody, when I do those flips dude.

• 1:12:40H. Foley?

  Feels like you're flying.

• 1:12:41Speaker 03

  I like going over to thin people and be like, can you do four flips in a row? And they're like, I don't think so. I don't think I can hold my breath that long. I go.

• 1:12:46Speaker 02

  I never counted, yeah.

• 1:12:47Speaker 03

  Jesus dude, you suck.

• 1:12:49Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:12:50Speaker 03

  You suck. You probably can't even do these flips. And I'm fat and I could do them. I like to tell you that I'm fat and I'm better than you at it.

• 1:12:55H. Foley?

  Yeah. Being in a pool, feeling that weightlessness is great.

• 1:12:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:59H. Foley?

  You feel like Superman gliding.

• 1:13:00Speaker 03

  And they can't, and that no one's gonna come and tell you, he goes, I'm sorry, but. This is embarrassing for you. You have to get out because you're too big for this.

• 1:13:07Speaker 02

  Taking up all the water, yeah.

• 1:13:08Speaker 03

  It's why you'll never see me in a fucking iFly. I wanna fly so bad.

• 1:13:12H. Foley?

  Oh, you mean the indoor parachute thing?

• 1:13:14Speaker 03

  Yup. Uh, the indoor skydiving. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, cause all I'm picturing is a bunch of kids being told they can't go on while I'm, uh, I'm creating a dead spot in the fan. I'm just, I just go and like lay on the fan, then the kids come out and then they just, they sink down and go back up.

• 1:13:30Speaker 02

  Hockerson's stuck in the net again.

• 1:13:34H. Foley?

  Mr. Polar Vortex.

• 1:13:35Speaker 03

  Stop lying about your weight. It's very important to tell us what you weigh.

• 1:13:38H. Foley?

  Nah.

• 1:13:40Speaker 03

  This should be able to do for everybody.

• 1:13:42H. Foley?

  Uh, Mr. Hockerson, we'd appreciate next time you come to not lie.

• 1:13:47Speaker 03

  Oh, turn the fan off. We gotta go get another one. They gotta crane me out.

• 1:13:54Speaker 02

  Oh, man. I mean, you know, geez.

• 1:13:56H. Foley?

  Happy for you, bro.

• 1:13:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's great. It's very.

• 1:13:58H. Foley?

  Coming full circle.

• 1:13:59Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 1:13:59Speaker 03

  I'm excited, Ben. Yeah, I'm really excited to do it. And it took me a while to get Christine. Christine's a little younger than me, so. It is an age thing, no doubt, for sure. Like, when I hit 40 was definitely the first time where I was like, I didn't even consider before that. In my mind, I was like, oh wait, you can like have a house and still be New York, like still be here for work every day. You can't go too far out. See if you can find what you like, you know what I mean? And it took her, she still had the like. Well, how are we gonna get a sandwich downstairs?

• 1:14:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:27Speaker 03

  And I'm like, no, no, you're gonna love it, because we'll have two cars, and even if I'm going with a car, you can just go and go to a mall. And it's like, yeah, I know, but like...

• 1:14:36H. Foley?

  Go to the mall?

• 1:14:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:38H. Foley?

  She's just gotta stand...

• 1:14:39Speaker 03

  Mall's a big deal, but Christine, let me tell you something. Maybe we'll do a Chronicles adjacent, where if you want to question us both?

• 1:14:45Speaker 02

  Oh, no, for sure, for sure. That'll be the next iteration of it, yeah.

• 1:14:49Speaker 03

  I'll tell you what would be funny about that, because Christine...

• 1:14:50H. Foley?

  The Oakerson Chronicles?

• 1:14:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. She's gonna act a little highfalutin more than me, but she's fine with all these things, too. She thinks the best pizza in the world's California Pizza Kitchen. It's because she worked there and had a crush on a black guy I think she blew once. Get over it.

• 1:15:03Speaker 02

  You gotta throw that at her.

• 1:15:05Speaker 03

  Oh, it'll come up.

• 1:15:07Speaker 02

  You're talking California Pizza Kitchen, that's gonna come up.

• 1:15:09Speaker 03

  Oh, it's coming up, goddamn it.

• 1:15:11Speaker 02

  Hurt people, hurt people.

• 1:15:12Speaker 03

  Everything there, dude. All of her social life, her fucking, everything was that goddamn place.

• 1:15:15H. Foley?

  She just, you just gotta stay on top of the grocery order. So like, when you want a sandwich, you go into the fridge, you got a half a pound of turkey, you got a pound of American cheese, Cooper's Sharp if you're a gentleman.

• 1:15:28Speaker 03

  I'm so excited about those things.

• 1:15:29H. Foley?

  You got bread, yeah, make your own sandwiches.

• 1:15:31Speaker 03

  It's huge. Because we've never had that. Right now, we can have dog food or a steak.

• 1:15:36H. Foley?

  Right.

• 1:15:37Speaker 03

  In our freezer. And there's just no, I do feel, what I'm hoping for is like, the big sell of this house, too, when you got, definitely the lady who owns it is a cook. She cooks.

• 1:15:45Speaker 02

  Ah, nice kitchen.

• 1:15:46Speaker 03

  Because the kitchen's nuts.

• 1:15:47Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 1:15:47Speaker 03

  The kitchen, the kitchen's like the thing where you're like, when you walk in, it's the first thing you see, and you're like, that's like the wow part of the house, for sure.

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  Call that the wow factor in the biz.

• 1:15:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, the biz. The kitchen's great. And I feel like, I'm like, so when I come home from the weekend gig, you know, we'll have the groceries.

• 1:16:02Speaker 02

  We can cook up the steakums, babe.

• 1:16:06Speaker 02

  I'll make an honest lady, yeah.

• 1:16:07Speaker 03

  Finally chopped. No, but I'm really in my mind thinking of how much...

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  Just like Oregon steaks.

• 1:16:11Speaker 03

  It depends who you ask, too. So I go, well, that kitchen's there, so I think we're gonna have groceries. We'll be a lot more inspired to cook something, instead of just ordering food all the time. And then I think something, you know, all it takes is a curmudgeon who's been doing it longer, and they go, you're just gonna order every night still, dude.

• 1:16:25H. Foley?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:16:25Speaker 03

  You're just gonna heat it up on that beautiful stove.

• 1:16:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. I, because I have, there's just like, cooking in New York sucks. You don't have all the, like, now you have the space of like, oh, we're gonna keep this in there as well. I'm like, it is just easier, and it's not such an intense chore.

• 1:16:41Speaker 03

  I know, in my mind.

• 1:16:41Speaker 02

  Because it's just bigger, you're like...

• 1:16:42Speaker 03

  I'm gonna be fucking slapping meatballs back and forth in a dirty tank tub, just fucking, you know, goes, you guys watching the game?

• 1:16:47Speaker 02

  You got all those sausage links hanging and shit. Got a bunch of cheese and nuts.

• 1:16:53H. Foley?

  You got your own Instagram series? You got a catchphrase, wowzers?

• 1:16:57Speaker 03

  I want a local crooner.

• 1:16:59Speaker 02

  Oh god, alright, we gotta wrap it up.

• 1:17:00H. Foley?

  Ladies and gentlemen.

• 1:17:01Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:17:02H. Foley?

  The fifth edition of the Chronicles of Jason.

• 1:17:05Speaker 03

  Thank you guys so much, this is always a pleasure.

• 1:17:07H. Foley?

  An absolute legend. Mr. Big Jay Oakerson, everybody.

• 1:17:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:11H. Foley?

  Coming into your own, baby, look at that. After all that, you got your own place, you got the pool, you got everything.

• 1:17:17Speaker 03

  Got a four foot eight pool?

• 1:17:19Speaker 02

  I got those Oregon steaks.

• 1:17:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, he goes, "Oh, it's okay, I get infections in my belly button if it goes underwater."

• 1:17:26H. Foley?

  Jay Oakerson, everybody, anything you want the folks out there to know, what you got coming up? Hit them.

• 1:17:30Speaker 03

  BigJayComedy.com for all my dates, and I am gonna be putting out very soon, I did a double crowd work special.

• 1:17:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:17:37Speaker 03

  That I paid a zillion dollars for.

• 1:17:39Speaker 02

  In Denver.

• 1:17:40Speaker 03

  I did it in Denver at the Comedy Works, Netflix shot it down hard, so, let's make them regret that.

• 1:17:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, there you go.

• 1:17:47Speaker 03

  And when it comes out, I'm gonna come, you know, plug what you guys and everything, and let's try to get it out there, man, I'm pretty proud of it.

• 1:17:53H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 1:17:53Speaker 03

  Big Jay Oakerson, them, they.

• 1:17:56Speaker 02

  Ah, there you go.

• 1:17:57H. Foley?

  I love it, there you go. Legion of Skanks, Story Wars.

• 1:18:00Speaker 03

  Bonfire.

• 1:18:01H. Foley?

  Which is the goddamn hit.

• 1:18:02Speaker 02

  Love that Story Wars, dude. Can't trust nobody on that goddamn show.

• 1:18:08Speaker 03

  You really do, I've walked away from those things, I go, "Man, so and so can lie." Just coldly to my face.

• 1:18:14Speaker 02

  I understood the game, and then we sat down, and within like, ten seconds, I'm like, "I can't fucking trust these people I know and love, this is the worst day of my life."

• 1:18:22Speaker 03

  He looked at me and said, "It wasn't him."

• 1:18:24H. Foley?

  When does the special come out?

• 1:18:26Speaker 03

  Uh, I don't have a date, I'm gonna do it relatively unceremoniously, because I've been sitting on it for like, you know, a year now, almost.

• 1:18:34H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 1:18:35Speaker 03

  Um, well, I'm gonna record it, so I'm just gonna, yeah, yeah, so I'm just gonna pick a time where I think people are home, and just fucking lay them out, maybe a couple weeks apart.

• 1:18:43H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 1:18:43Speaker 03

  Someone told me algorithm stuff, but right now, I'm just bitter, so my algori- Fuck algorithm, I'm just gonna put them both out on Twitter, who gives a shit?

• 1:18:50H. Foley?

  Kibbie, what do you got for him?

• 1:18:51Speaker 02

  Uh, guys, we're off the road for a little bit, new dates coming in January, we just locked them, so get ready, uh, we love you, thanks for the support.

• 1:18:59H. Foley?

  We love you, gang, Jay, we love you, buddy.

• 1:19:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, bro. I love you guys too, man, thank you.

• 1:19:02H. Foley?

  We'll see you next week.

• 1:19:03Speaker 03

  Peace.