Jackie Schimmel: Confident Girls > Mean Girls (FBF)

Jackie Schimmel joins Call Her Daddy and she has a lot to say. After roasting the CHD studio, Jackie reflects on her personal evolution and how she went from a gingivitis-having, headgear-wearing preteen to the beautiful Bitch Bible creator she is today. Jackie is so recklessly confident that she faked a diploma from UCLA in order to get a job - and it worked. We’ve all encountered a high school or college mean girl, but how do we handle mean girls in adulthood? Alex and Jackie discuss their experiences with mean women and give advice on how to respond with humor. Jackie opens up about the loss of her mom. She shares how she handles grief and advises exactly what NOT to say to someone who is dealing with loss. Jackie comes in hot this episode to defend the ankle boot, praise super-ultra tampons and compare her local Home Depot to the Victoria’s Secret runway.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. A good support system is literally everything and it's what makes Southern New Hampshire University truly next level. Even as online, even as an online student, you'll have real support from real people like admission counselors, instructors, and ride or die academic advisors, all genuinely cheering you on every step of the way. So daddy gang, if you're like, where, where should I go? Where, where, where is it? You know your answer now. Getting your degree online doesn't have to mean doing it alone. Start yours at SNHU.edu/callherdaddy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. I love the holidays, okay?

• 0:45Alex Cooper?

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• 1:27Speaker 01

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• 1:57Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ashley. Okay, so whenever I am picking new furniture for my house or redesigning a room, it is so important to me to make sure that it also is cohesive with the rest of my house and the vibe that I'm feeling. And I think filling your home with beautiful durable pieces from Ashley will help you create a backdrop for growing family's biggest memories, right? You want your home to feel cozy and you want it to feel like you. And thanks to features like stain resistant performance fabric, even the messiest memories will be easy to clean. So, visit your local store or head to ashley.com to find your style.

• 2:42Speaker 03

  What is up Daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with Call Her Daddy.

• 2:50Alex Cooper?

  Okay, Jackie Schimmel, welcome to Call Her Daddy.

• 2:52Speaker 03

  Oh, are we on?

• 2:53Alex Cooper?

  We're on.

• 2:53Speaker 03

  Oh, fuck yeah.

• 2:54Alex Cooper?

  I figured we have Henry. Leo, can you maybe come into the-

• 2:57Speaker 03

  Richard, Richard, oh my god, Richard, come here. Treats?

• 3:01Alex Cooper?

  Wait, look at his body.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  It baffles me. He's so low to the ground.

• 3:06Alex Cooper?

  It's crazy.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Look at his body type.

• 3:09Alex Cooper?

  How do you explain his body type?

• 3:11Speaker 03

  I would say-

• 3:12Alex Cooper?

  Can we get you in camera?

• 3:12Speaker 03

  Come here. Leo, get your ass over here. Come here, baby bitch. I would say that he is reverse pear shaped. His father is pear shaped and he's reverse pear shaped.

• 3:25Alex Cooper?

  Are you talking about his father is in your husband?

• 3:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 3:28Alex Cooper?

  Andrew is pear shaped.

• 3:29Speaker 03

  He's 100% pear shaped. He should know.

• 3:31Alex Cooper?

  I dated a guy that was pear shaped once. It's not bad.

• 3:34Speaker 03

  I don't love the chafing element. And speaking of chafing, I'm wearing burlap pants. It's 100 degrees. I feel like I have a white woman's like cocktail reception in my vagina.

• 3:46Alex Cooper?

  They look great. They look great.

• 3:48Speaker 03

  Itchy in the wrong places.

• 3:50Alex Cooper?

  So you're a fellow podcaster?

• 3:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:53Alex Cooper?

  And I was thinking about this, someone, I asked people to write in, like, what do you guys want us to talk about?

• 3:58Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 3:59Alex Cooper?

  And people were like, how are you guys friends? And I'm like, how do we?

• 4:04Speaker 03

  That's rude.

• 4:04Alex Cooper?

  Yeah. No, no. How are you guys, like, how did you guys become friends? They're like, no, they're not like, how the fuck are the two of you?

• 4:10Speaker 03

  I'm like, it kind of makes a lot of sense.

• 4:12Alex Cooper?

  You guys don't get it? Like, we're kind of similar at all? No. And I was like, how, how did we become friends?

• 4:18Speaker 03

  Okay, I totally know how this happened.

• 4:21Alex Cooper?

  Tell us. Also, I love that I'm drinking iced coffee. I never do this before, but I figured I'm so comfortable with you that if I need to shit my pants during the interview, I can.

• 4:29Speaker 03

  A full gallon of matcha and I probably will shit, but you won't know because I'm wearing burlap pants.

• 4:35Alex Cooper?

  What are burlap pants?

• 4:36Speaker 03

  You know, like when you go to like a sad live, laugh, love wedding and they have like those burlap tablecloths at the cocktail hour?

• 4:43Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah. You're wearing them. Oh, though, oh, yeah. Like, I get that. That looks like beach house vibes, actually.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  They're Gucci. Fuck off.

• 4:52Alex Cooper?

  I actually love when you're wearing designer, but they're, you have to clarify their designer because they don't.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  It's sad.

• 4:57Alex Cooper?

  They don't appear designer.

• 4:58Speaker 03

  No, they really don't.

• 4:59Alex Cooper?

  No, they do. They do.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  They're like itchy and like, like they.

• 5:02Alex Cooper?

  You need to pull this down. I need to see your face. You look great today. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  I do.

• 5:06Alex Cooper?

  Don't you podcast for a living?

• 5:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I don't do video. Oh, that is by clear and concise design, honey.

• 5:14Alex Cooper?

  I will say that's one of my least favorite things about doing video is I've had to start putting like makeup on.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  Like a little tinted moist?

• 5:20Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even for a solo, those are, I'm definitely, I look worse.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  What's going on with the flowers in here?

• 5:26Alex Cooper?

  It's so bad.

• 5:27Speaker 03

  Like, what's happening? What is this?

• 5:28Alex Cooper?

  Let me just be so clear.

• 5:29Speaker 03

  Why are they so erect?

• 5:30Alex Cooper?

  No.

• 5:31Speaker 03

  Speaking of Midwest cocktail hour.

• 5:35Alex Cooper?

  Let me be so clear.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  Marrying your cousin. What is going on?

• 5:39Alex Cooper?

  Okay, you know, this is a good conversation to start off with.

• 5:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:42Alex Cooper?

  My set, I started with like a vision.

• 5:46Speaker 03

  What was that vision? Can we just get some like hot pink orchids?

• 5:51Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 5:52Speaker 03

  Aren't you rich?

• 5:53Alex Cooper?

  Here's the issue. We start, I started with the vision of like big cozy comfy chairs.

• 5:59Speaker 03

  What is, what is that turquoise vase? This is collar daddy.

• 6:05Alex Cooper?

  Turs type balls.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  It's like an urn. It's like a sad lowbod shiva in here.

• 6:13Speaker 03

  What is going on?

• 6:15Alex Cooper?

  Okay, let me explain to you.

• 6:17Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry.

• 6:18Alex Cooper?

  I'm so happy someone called it out because every time someone comes in here, they're like, "It's so cute in here." I'm like, "It looks like a grandmother's room."

• 6:24Speaker 03

  No, I like this.

• 6:26Alex Cooper?

  You like this?

• 6:27Speaker 03

  I don't understand what's happening with your floral concept.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Richard, it's okay. It's anxiety. It's okay.

• 6:40Alex Cooper?

  Wait, Richard is having a panic attack and Henry's like, "Get the fuck away from me." Are you, are you about to? Is he okay?

• 6:48Speaker 03

  He's fine.

• 6:49Alex Cooper?

  We just need a break.

• 6:50Speaker 03

  Leo.

• 6:53Speaker 03

  The anxiety.

• 6:54Alex Cooper?

  Do you want to hold him?

• 6:55Speaker 03

  No, he's fine.

• 6:56Alex Cooper?

  It's okay, Richard.

• 6:57Speaker 03

  Don't fucking embarrass me.

• 6:58Alex Cooper?

  I love how Henry has like zero give a fucks. Okay, we're swerving.

• 7:01Speaker 03

  Am I allowed to put my feet on here?

• 7:02Alex Cooper?

  Please, it's fine.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  Thank God, I'm so worried.

• 7:03Alex Cooper?

  We're gonna get rid of these chairs anyways. Okay, so when I designed this room, I really had a vision where, I had a vision where the chairs, I think we need to take your dog to the vet.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  No, he does this all the time. It literally is like he gets overwhelmed.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  We went to the Bahamas a couple of years ago and he was in such emotional distress that we left him that he had like a whole anxiety condition. We almost put him on Prozac.

• 7:44Alex Cooper?

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• 8:24Alex Cooper?

  help you know what to do next. Get started today at sofi.com/callherdaddy. SoFi, get your money right. This is a paid advertisement by SoFi Technologies and is not intended to be financial advice. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ritual. We are learning so much about how the gut microbiome is key to our mental health, immunity, and of course digestion. And I just feel like I didn't know any of this until recently, which is a problem because this is literally everything that we do need to know to take care of ourselves. But did you know, because now I know, the gut microbiome shifts during pregnancy, ladies, and these shifts can impact mom and baby's health

• 9:05Alex Cooper?

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• 9:47Alex Cooper?

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• 10:32Alex Cooper?

  like hotel and rental car savings. They make your phone plan feel like it's actually giving you something back instead of just being another bill that you have to pay every single month. And if you're a student, T-Mobile has student perks plans designed specifically for you. Remember being in college and constantly literally just looking for ways to save money, understandably. And so these are the kind of perks I would have absolutely taken advantage of. Students can get things like a $5 movie ticket every month, exclusive access to concerts. Okay. And even streaming benefits. So you can always have a reality TV binge night with your girls.

• 11:12Alex Cooper?

  And when you're already paying for your phone every month, getting all of these extra benefits on top of it. Just, it makes sense, right? For all the reasons to choose T-Mobile, find yours at t-mobile.com/membership. Qualifying plan required. Visit t-mobile.com. How the fuck are we friends? How do we become friends?

• 11:32Speaker 03

  Okay. You know what's so funny? I don't even know if you remember this. We met during the pandemic in person and we had DM'd a couple of times. Now, I, I didn't know who you were, but I knew that you and your ex-partner had this show. I had heard of Caller Daddy. And then you had DM'd me a couple of times, I think, or maybe, maybe your ex-partner had DM'd me a couple of times. And I ignored them because I'm a lovely person. And then somehow during the pandemic, I think we started talking on Instagram.

• 12:05Alex Cooper?

  Yes.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  And following each other and then like so annoying, met up, became like internet friend. And then did a podcast swap.

• 12:14Alex Cooper?

  I will never forget how bad that podcast was.

• 12:16Speaker 03

  You didn't know what a swap was.

• 12:18Alex Cooper?

  I had no idea. I'll never do it again. It was so, who's calling me? This is so unprofessional.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  I mean, you would never do this with Hailey Bieber.

• 12:28Alex Cooper?

  I would have my phone in the different room. Meanwhile, I'm like, hold on, let me check.

• 12:31Speaker 03

  She would have fresh florals. The urns would be put away. This is some bullshit.

• 12:36Alex Cooper?

  You know what? No, you're right. That's how we became friends. First, we started as podcast friends.

• 12:40Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 12:40Alex Cooper?

  And then after we podcasted, I remember we were like, huh.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  We like each other.

• 12:44Alex Cooper?

  And then we had the connection where you know my boyfriend through childhood.

• 12:48Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 12:49Alex Cooper?

  And it's like a whole thing. So it ended up working out. And then like family friends and stuff.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  A hundred percent. But you know, as a podcaster, you meet a lot of fucking people. I don't fuck with that many people. I really don't.

• 13:00Alex Cooper?

  And you keep coming back around to me.

• 13:02Speaker 03

  I, yeah, I like you. I don't know what's wrong with me.

• 13:04Alex Cooper?

  I appreciate you coming on because I'm desperate for a guest right now. We're on the holidays. We can't get anyone.

• 13:09Speaker 03

  Don't you even look me in the eye and say desperate for a guest or I will shank you in the backyard. Desperate for a guest, Alex Cooper?

• 13:19Alex Cooper?

  Jackie, you are like.

• 13:21Speaker 03

  I don't have guests.

• 13:23Alex Cooper?

  No, you know what? That's, I wanted to say to anyone that is new, you have balls. Oh, no, you've got a big vagina.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  Massive.

• 13:32Alex Cooper?

  Massive. And don't you always talk about how you have to put like multiple tampons?

• 13:36Speaker 03

  But you know what? Here's the thing. And if there's one thing that I want to say on Collar Daddy today is that my vagina is not wide, it is shallow. So for a long, I have a very shallow vagina and I'm a woman of extreme efficiency. So like, I don't understand light girlies. Like you go to fucking CVS and you're getting tampon lights. We already have to deal with the pink tax. Now I'm having my Gloria Steinem moment. Get ready for it.

• 14:03Alex Cooper?

  Oh, we love it.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  We already have to pay the pink tax. All boxes of tampons are the same price. Okay. So why would you go light when you can go ultra?

• 14:16Speaker 03

  Just from a fiscal standpoint.

• 14:18Alex Cooper?

  You buy the ultras?

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Fuck yeah. I will, I have fit two ultras inside of me, side by side, like fighter pilot jets, like fucking Top Gun.

• 14:29Alex Cooper?

  One time I bought, I thought I was buying super and I realized I bought super plus. And I was like, oh, this is like in the big leagues. I didn't even know there was ultra.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  I can raw dog ultras.

• 14:44Speaker 03

  And you think about it, okay, you're either like changing lights every 20 minutes or you alter that shit. You're ready to rumble. You could fly to fucking Abu Dhabi.

• 14:52Alex Cooper?

  Have you ever bled through an ultra?

• 14:54Speaker 03

  Fuck yeah.

• 14:55Alex Cooper?

  Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's good.

• 14:57Speaker 03

  Came out of me. Slid down the mountain.

• 15:00Alex Cooper?

  Isn't that the worst when you have a tampon and you can feel it's, it's coming out?

• 15:05Speaker 03

  There is. Let me tell you something. I was coming back from Paris.

• 15:09Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  A few months ago, and I had an ultra in because I'm, you know, a feminist and I was going through customs and I thought I was good to go because I did like a mid-flight switcheroo. And thank God I was wearing a jogger pant with an elastic ankle because something happened during customs where I was like, she is, she has left my body and it fell out and it was just pooling at my ankle. Sorry. I know her throat's closing up. This is really disgusting.

• 15:41Alex Cooper?

  Are you saying that your ultra tampon popped out of your vagina and slid?

• 15:47Speaker 03

  Slow and steady, like a ski toboggan. And I was like, I was trying to like, like tilt my pelvic floor and like kegel it back in, but it had, it, the ultra had left the building.

• 16:01Alex Cooper?

  And so it's sitting at the bottom of essentially the elastic pocket of your jogger? And what did you do? Cause customs, there ain't no moving. You're in that.

• 16:09Speaker 03

  Like I said, thank God I had an elastic ankle and I just moved low and slow. Like I was just like.

• 16:14Alex Cooper?

  Were you with your husband?

• 16:16Speaker 03

  No, I was alone, which is kind of unfortunate because I would have loved to like have that experience together.

• 16:21Alex Cooper?

  I actually agree with you. When something like funny or embarrassing or just like out of body is happening, when you're alone, it can be even worse slash funnier because you're like, you're going through the internal self dialogue of like, what do I do? What do I do? It would have been 10 times better.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  If this shit pops out.

• 16:36Alex Cooper?

  Where are we going?

• 16:37Speaker 03

  What am I gonna do?

• 16:38Alex Cooper?

  Where are we going from here?

• 16:39Speaker 03

  Do I just like turn a blind eye and like keep on moving with my fucking passport? Or do I pick it up? Like, I don't know. And I almost wanted to like tell people in the line because I thought it was so hilarious.

• 16:48Alex Cooper?

  I have never, I will say to anyone listening, if you're having like a bad day, just think that you've never had an ultra slip out of your, and ultra.

• 16:57Speaker 03

  It's like a twin mattress.

• 17:00Alex Cooper?

  Come out of your vagina and slip down your leg. When did you take it out?

• 17:05Speaker 03

  Oh, I went, I like, well, I didn't run because I couldn't run, but I did a very slow stroll to the bathroom and yeah.

• 17:14Alex Cooper?

  I want you to like. Take me through iterations of yourself through life. So like start at like young Jackie. No, no. Okay, Barbara Walters. No, no, no, but like, do you know what I'm saying? Like, bring me back to young Jackie and walk us through. So people can really get to know like who you are and the evolution of you.

• 17:32Speaker 03

  I am embarrassed to say that my evolution has been pretty non-evolutionized. Like I have been like kind of the same my whole life. It was just about what I was able to get away with, you know? Because like when you do have adhesive headgear and gingivitis and you're like, like things aren't landing the same way when you're in seventh grade as when you're 32. You know what I mean? Like it's, it's taken years for me to like fully be like all caps myself in public. But as a kid, I was super obnoxious. I was annoying as fuck. I hated socializing, but like I did the thing because I didn't want to be a loser.

• 18:17Speaker 03

  But I was always like, I loved like doing like characters and I was always like doing bits. And I was like, just annoying as fuck. Like my parents were like, literally go play on the freeway. Like that was like a, like I wasn't allowed to be in the house, which is interesting. Cause now I have this like weird thing where I can't be home from 10 to four. Like I have to be out of the house because I have like this weird like Nell energy about it. And I just don't like festering at home. It makes me feel like a loser.

• 18:42Alex Cooper?

  Where do you go?

• 18:43Speaker 03

  Anywhere. And I'll sit in parking lots. I don't care. I do not like being home.

• 18:47Alex Cooper?

  Wait, what?

• 18:48Speaker 03

  It's the weirdest thing.

• 18:49Alex Cooper?

  Wait, okay. So can you?

• 18:50Speaker 03

  So as a kid, my parents were like, get the fuck out of the house.

• 18:53Alex Cooper?

  And you would just go?

• 18:54Speaker 03

  Oh, I would. I mean, self-amusement is truly like the rhythm of my dance floor. Like I love being alone. I love being untethered. I like doing weird shit. I don't care. I never have cared if other people get it or think it's funny. Like you just said, it makes it funnier when nobody else understands what's going on.

• 19:16Alex Cooper?

  It's so true. Someone DM'd me. I, I posted something the other day where I was like, it's not that revolutionary. Like I'm just alone a lot. Someone messaged me like, I love how like you and Jackie always make me feel. Better because you guys are just always alone.

• 19:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:30Alex Cooper?

  And like doing shit alone. You guys feel so comfortable alone. And I'm like, why would I want to be with anyone else? You have a husband, I have a partner. I'm like, why would I ever want to be with anyone else?

• 19:37Speaker 03

  I feel like the most myself when, and like comfortable. And yes, I do have like slight OCD tendencies as diagnosed by a licensed professional. But I feel like so alive and present when I'm by myself.

• 19:53Alex Cooper?

  I do too.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  I feel like I gotta start tap dancing, you know?

• 19:56Alex Cooper?

  Yes, and I'm happier.

• 19:58Speaker 03

  Me too. Okay, bye, bye.

• 20:01Alex Cooper?

  Bye guys, gotta go. No, I appreciate that. Can you explain what gingivitis is? And also, sure, did you have to publicly wear an, um, he's had gear?

• 20:09Speaker 03

  No, only, no, no, no, I didn't. But like sleepovers weren't a thing. I did have like those rubber bands that like really. And unfortunately, I've always loved a mixed metal. So I would go like gold, silver, like brackets, like on my braces.

• 20:26Alex Cooper?

  Okay, so you had.

• 20:27Speaker 03

  Gingivitis is a condition, a dental medical condition in which you have hypersensitive inflamed gums. So I had an allergy to the cement on the braces, you know? So my gums, like I had no teeth. It was just gum and metal. And then I would have to get my braces off every month, which is why I had them for almost five years, because I needed to let the gums breathe.

• 20:53Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 20:53Speaker 03

  And they would just bleed constantly. I just always, I mean, bleeding out of my vagina, bleeding out of my gums. It's a, it's a whole.

• 20:59Alex Cooper?

  Why do I feel like that made you, this is so insulting. Why do I feel like that made you?

• 21:10Alex Cooper?

  A mouth breather?

• 21:14Speaker 03

  Am I a mouth breather?

• 21:15Alex Cooper?

  No, I feel like back in the day.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  In the day.

• 21:17Alex Cooper?

  You would be a mouth breather, cause like.

• 21:19Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, there were so many fluids and I always had a roll on lip gloss to boot. So it was so shiny and so like, I was, it was a lot.

• 21:27Alex Cooper?

  Okay, so you were a mouth breather.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:29Alex Cooper?

  You had gingivitis, you had a headgear.

• 21:32Speaker 03

  But I was like in on it.

• 21:33Alex Cooper?

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  And I was also hugged a lot as a kid. So I was like, I would come home, like if I ever had like any type of insecurity or like, why did I say that? You know, like in middle school, I wasn't super cute, but I had, I really like leaned in.

• 21:47Alex Cooper?

  You got it. You got the joke.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  I was like, whatever. I'm like, who wants to be hot in middle school? How embarrassing.

• 21:52Alex Cooper?

  That's something where I remember where people were trying to expose me for my younger photos. And at first, like, has I like not gone through therapy about it? I was like, I was so ugly, like I was so awkward. And I was like, I felt like I was doing whack a mole to like try to get people to not know what I looked like. And then I was like, how incredible to know that I didn't fucking peak in middle school, you dumb bitches. Like, how great, how great, okay?

• 22:13Speaker 03

  It's so not that big of a deal.

• 22:14Alex Cooper?

  And it's like, why, when you see people's middle school photos, most of the people, this is so fucked up, but sorry, but most of the people that were like-

• 22:20Speaker 03

  Don't apologize to me, Cooper.

• 22:21Alex Cooper?

  Okay, most of the people-

• 22:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:24Alex Cooper?

  That were like, the hot chicks in middle school are now addicted to like-

• 22:28Speaker 03

  Meth.

• 22:29Alex Cooper?

  Yes. It didn't go well.

• 22:32Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 22:33Alex Cooper?

  And I think, listen, if you're listening and you were a beauty queen since day one-

• 22:36Speaker 03

  Well, fuck you.

• 22:37Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say, we, you know, we, yeah, fuck you.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  And also, like, I even now, I don't really think, I don't put like a lot of weight on how I look. Like, that's not where I get self-esteem at all.

• 22:49Alex Cooper?

  Talk about that.

• 22:50Speaker 03

  Um, I don't know. I mean, I think that like, I've, I'm lucky that I had a good childhood.

• 22:58Alex Cooper?

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:58Speaker 03

  And I've always felt pretty secure-ish. And I just have never like thought that that was a sustainable way to get self-esteem, like-

• 23:07Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  I just don't think that's like the thing that people should aspire to get attention for.

• 23:11Alex Cooper?

  I agree, I think-

• 23:12Speaker 03

  Granted, I'm gorgeous.

• 23:15Alex Cooper?

  You're like, don't get it wrong, like.

• 23:17Speaker 03

  I just want you to know, if you're not watching the video, I also happen to be super cute.

• 23:22Alex Cooper?

  If you're listening to this, quickly just tune in. You will swerve off the road if you see this beauty sitting across from me.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  You will get a boner that will go through your windshield. However, no, I, I have met like some of the most beautiful people in the world that I think are fucking busted because they're so boring. And especially nowadays in 2022, I think we really need to prioritize like some fucking personality and opinions. Cause I'm bored with everybody on the fucking internet. It's called shelf life. Have fun.

• 23:55Alex Cooper?

  When I was doing research for this, which was minimal, I wrote down something that I thought was interesting and I was like, I, I thought I knew you.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 24:05Alex Cooper?

  And apparently I don't know you at all. And I was like, I think Jackie Shimmel is subtly a version of Annabelle B.

• 24:15Alex Cooper?

  And then it really clicked. I was like, this bitch bought her fucking art. They're in on this together. You faked a college diploma from UCLA to get a job.

• 24:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:26Alex Cooper?

  Can you please confirm and clarify? And first of all, I just want to be clear. I wasn't like going on to Jackie's shit, trying to find out if she's been arrested. It's like on your website. You're like, I faked my college diploma, blah, blah. So first of all, did you ever attend UCLA?

• 24:39Speaker 03

  No.

• 24:40Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 24:41Speaker 03

  But I lived in off campus housing. Like I somehow was able, it was a different time. I was able to get to the UCLA like roommate housing site.

• 24:52Alex Cooper?

  What?

• 24:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I lived with all UCLA students, like in and off campus, like housing.

• 24:59Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 25:00Speaker 03

  Establishment.

• 25:00Alex Cooper?

  I need you, I think that when I was reading about that, I was like, okay. I have cheated on tests.

• 25:07Speaker 03

  Duh.

• 25:07Alex Cooper?

  Of course.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  Who hasn't?

• 25:09Alex Cooper?

  And I've gone to extreme lengths of like cheating and I got caught a couple of times. But I feel like it takes a certain level of like sick.

• 25:16Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 25:16Alex Cooper?

  Like no fear of consequences.

• 25:19Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 25:20Alex Cooper?

  To fake and to give someone a resume that you're applying for a job and be like, I went to UCLA. Here you go. How did you come up with this? How did you make it happen? And are you good at Photoshop?

• 25:30Speaker 03

  Um, you know what? I Photoshop didn't exist back then, but I did have the Paint app. Humble brag.

• 25:36Alex Cooper?

  So you created a fake diploma from UCLA?

• 25:39Speaker 03

  I had gone to community college for literally one day. Couldn't have been like less interested. I was like, this is terrible. I graduated high school with a 1.8 GPA.

• 25:50Alex Cooper?

  Wow.

• 25:51Speaker 03

  It's like my favorite thing to drop in.

• 25:52Alex Cooper?

  Wait, really?

• 25:53Speaker 03

  Literally, yeah.

• 25:54Alex Cooper?

  Just no interest in school?

• 25:55Speaker 03

  None, none.

• 25:56Alex Cooper?

  No drive?

• 25:57Speaker 03

  No.

• 25:58Alex Cooper?

  No concern that like you wouldn't get a job?

• 26:00Speaker 03

  No, I wasn't like thinking that far ahead.

• 26:04Speaker 03

  I kind of just figured like, I'll just like get in there and like, you know, whatever.

• 26:08Alex Cooper?

  The confidence?

• 26:10Speaker 03

  Delusion.

• 26:11Alex Cooper?

  The fact that you were like, well, one point, whatever the fuck GPA. How do you even also even get that?

• 26:17Speaker 03

  It's actually quite an accomplishment. You basically have to fail everything. It's like straight D's.

• 26:22Alex Cooper?

  And didn't?

• 26:22Speaker 03

  It's like D's and C's, yeah. Through, for four years.

• 26:25Alex Cooper?

  So then you go to community colleges for one day?

• 26:28Speaker 03

  For one day, could not be bothered. I was like, this is not my fucking journey. So I actually lied to my parents for like a year and said that I was going to college and I doctored. That's how I got my Paint app Photoshop skills. I was faking report cards and my parents were like very hands off. They trusted me way too much. Like they like weren't asking questions. They weren't like, how was, like, they just didn't ask about it.

• 26:51Alex Cooper?

  What the fuck were you doing during this time?

• 26:53Speaker 03

  You know, there was this amazing cheese shop downtown. I was cooking, I was eating, I was drinking boxed wine. I was like going on walks. I was, I, I don't know what the fuck I was doing.

• 27:04Alex Cooper?

  You didn't even have a job?

• 27:05Speaker 03

  No. And then eventually I, while I was lying to my parents, I got an internship. So then I, and then lied to them and said I was graduating college, but I was only a sophomore. And then they offered me a job. And that just kind of started, kickstarted my fraudulent life.

• 27:24Alex Cooper?

  And then you literally just started giving people saying you went to UCLA.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:27Alex Cooper?

  How, I'm interested to know, because I think when you start a lie, it can tumble, tumble, tumble.

• 27:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:33Alex Cooper?

  How far did you, were you buying like Bruins UCLA gear, like woo, go Bruins, like what, like woo?

• 27:39Speaker 03

  Um, well, I only was lying to like human resources or like people like super high up that I wasn't with every day. So like every, by the way, I have no fucking chill. I am like the most, I have borderline Tourette's where I have to tell everyone everything all the time.

• 27:55Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 27:55Speaker 03

  So I think that's, I, I, it was a real learning curve, but everyone that I was working with, like, kind of knew.

• 28:01Alex Cooper?

  Kind of knew, interesting. And then HR didn't?

• 28:05Speaker 03

  No, and it didn't really, it didn't really cause a problem until I started working at like a really, you know, esteemed financial institution where they did this little thing called hot tip, employment verification.

• 28:18Alex Cooper?

  Oh.

• 28:18Speaker 03

  So part of that is they call all the admissions offices and then they like confirm your degree.

• 28:25Alex Cooper?

  And what happened?

• 28:26Speaker 03

  Well, the good news is that I was in charge of employment verification. So I just kept taking mine and putting it at the bottom of the list.

• 28:34Alex Cooper?

  Stop. And then did you ever get caught?

• 28:36Speaker 03

  No.

• 28:36Alex Cooper?

  I'm gonna honestly say I respect it because I think it takes a level of, I don't know the word, like it, it's really a ballsy move that I don't think a lot of people could pull off.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  Like what would be the worst that could happen? Oh no, I'd get fired from my receptionist gig at the financial institution where it was miserable all day, like.

• 28:59Alex Cooper?

  No, you're right. I guess it's actually really innovative and crafty. Um, where do you get your confidence from?

• 29:05Speaker 03

  Um,

• 29:08Speaker 03

  I, I think that I'm myself all the time.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  And I like myself and I understand that not everyone is gonna fuck with me and that's totally cool.

• 29:24Alex Cooper?

  I appreciate that because I feel like it takes, I feel like no one says like, I like myself. Because now it'll be like, you're a narcissist and you're an egomaniac. It's like, no, I just like myself. I've gotta live with myself here.

• 29:36Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 29:36Alex Cooper?

  So we're gonna...

• 29:37Speaker 03

  I don't think I'm like the prettiest person in the entire world. I don't think I'm necessarily that smart. I don't think I'm the funniest person. I don't like, I don't think any of those things about myself. I'm just like happy I get to like do the thing as me. Because what else am I gonna be miserable? I'm gonna wake up and be like, god damn it, Jack, you need veneers. Like whatever, who cares? Like, that's such a waste of time.

• 30:00Alex Cooper?

  Let's talk about the real reason you're here today.

• 30:03Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 30:04Alex Cooper?

  You are here...

• 30:06Speaker 03

  Sweating.

• 30:07Alex Cooper?

  I'm actually sweating too. You're here to defend a woman's right to wear an ankle boot.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  Oh, yes.

• 30:16Alex Cooper?

  For anyone that has no idea what I'm fucking talking about, Morgan Stewart came on the podcast...

• 30:20Speaker 03

  That bitch.

• 30:20Alex Cooper?

  That fucking bitch. Came on my podcast and had the audacity to fuck up my... Every single person that works at Call Her Daddy ruined. I've been on team Zooms of people being like, Alex, what am I supposed to do? Do I have to throw out my ankle boots? Let me just clarify to anyone that has no idea what we're talking about. Morgan Stewart came on Call Her Daddy and basically took a hard stance...

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:43Alex Cooper?

  Against ankle boots.

• 30:45Speaker 03

  I have a lot of thoughts about this.

• 30:46Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. I have known Morgan and love her dearly for years and years. A very good friend. And I know that when Morgan assassinated the ankle boot in early November of 2022, I, I can close my eyes and envision what she was talking about. I think she's thinking of like a round toe, Louboutin, chunky heel, like, club rat, one oak shoe.

• 31:16Alex Cooper?

  Oh, okay.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  I will say as a woman with very long femurs, I'm talking about myself. And gorgeous sculpted chins, talking about myself, that I look very good in an ankle boot. Dare I say stunning leg porn OnlyFans.

• 31:36Alex Cooper?

  So this is controversial because she said not even Ira- Irina, how do you say her name? Irina Shank?

• 31:41Speaker 03

  Shank.

• 31:42Alex Cooper?

  Shank?

• 31:42Speaker 03

  Shank.

• 31:43Alex Cooper?

  Could look good. So you're essentially saying you are more gorgeous on the lower half than Irina Shank.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  I do suffer with dermatitis on my legs, so I'm working on it.

• 31:55Alex Cooper?

  But.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  But I fuck with an ankle boot. Now Morgan has since specified.

• 32:01Alex Cooper?

  Let's call her. Let's call her. I just sent Morgan my, um, location. Come through bitch.

• 32:05Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 32:06Alex Cooper?

  Okay, let's call her.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  That is drama.

• 32:07Alex Cooper?

  It's very drama. I'm like, where are you? Roll up.

• 32:11Speaker 03

  She should be nervous.

• 32:11Alex Cooper?

  What else is she doing? She just got some kids, whatever.

• 32:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, big whoop.

• 32:17Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 32:18Speaker 04

  Hello?

• 32:19Alex Cooper?

  Oh! Hi Morgan!

• 32:22Speaker 03

  Hey Morgie!

• 32:23Speaker 04

  Hi honey, I'm putting you on, am I not doing this right? Okay, here I am. I'm so stressed out. I got it.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  Tell her she's being recorded. It's illegal.

• 32:30Alex Cooper?

  Currently you're being recorded.

• 32:32Speaker 04

  I'm being recorded, okay? I like it, I like it.

• 32:34Alex Cooper?

  And I'm sitting across from Jackie Schimmel.

• 32:37Speaker 04

  Oh, we love her.

• 32:38Alex Cooper?

  We've been talking shit on you for 20 minutes.

• 32:40Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 32:41Speaker 04

  Have you? No, you guys like me too much to do that.

• 32:44Alex Cooper?

  Okay, we need you to settle ankle gate, ankle boot gate. I just want to let you know, the amount of women that have now thrown out all of their ankle boots because of you. It's been honestly an uproar that's happened and I want to give you the chance to clarify. What did you mean?

• 33:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, what did you mean, Morgan?

• 33:02Speaker 04

  This is literally, Oprah said she wasn't eating meat anymore. This is what I've done to the ankle boot industry. Like, I did not realize. This is.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  And your friend's closet.

• 33:10Speaker 04

  My DMs are flooded. It's very clear. First of all, to use our dear friend Jackie as an example from dinner. A flat combat boot is not the ankle boot I was referring to. I was referring to the black suede heeled ankle boot with the inner zipper, where the zipper's inside the boot. And the only real issue I have is when that is being used as a heel and it is an exposed ankle boot. Like an ankle boot with a sheer tight and a miniskirt, not, doesn't work.

• 33:42Speaker 03

  That's what works.

• 33:43Alex Cooper?

  Okay, okay, I actually want to go ahead and say, I agree with you.

• 33:47Speaker 03

  I agree with that.

• 33:48Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 33:49Alex Cooper?

  Okay, okay, because I think this is the thing. How many people wear an ankle boot and then there's like, your pant goes over it? And you're wearing a fucking boot with a jean? Great, great.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  You don't know.

• 33:57Speaker 04

  Fine, no problem with that.

• 33:58Alex Cooper?

  But when you're wearing- Yes, yes. But when you're wearing a dress, or a skirt, or even shorter jeans-

• 34:05Speaker 03

  It's a little 2012?

• 34:06Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, it's like Aldo, Steve Madden, we're giving-

• 34:09Speaker 04

  Doesn't work.

• 34:10Alex Cooper?

  We're giving nothing.

• 34:10Speaker 03

  Inland Empire, Nordstrom.

• 34:11Speaker 04

  It never elongates. And also, just to be ve- very clear, so everybody at, at home understands, is you're also wearing a skinny black pant or jean and it fits into the ankle boot, you still don't tuck the pant into the boot.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Unless it's a baggy ankle boot and it's like an Isabel Marant style, that works.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  I was just gonna use that as a counter argument. Oh, oh, oh! I literally, Morgan Stewart, I was just gonna say, as someone with gorgeous shins, you know how Isabel Marant does that little dip in the front?

• 34:48Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 34:48Speaker 03

  That little dip dip? Me looking good in the dip dip?

• 34:52Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, so Jackie's been bragging about her shins. Um, oh, we just hung up, okay, apparently her phone-

• 34:58Speaker 03

  Okay, bye.

• 35:00Alex Cooper?

  I don't know if I hung up on her or her phone died. Goodbye, Morgan, you've already had your time on Caller Daddy.

• 35:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, this is about you, Morgan, this is about me.

• 35:07Alex Cooper?

  Okay, so I actually think that clarifies a lot and I do feel better about it. I'm literally not, just now, I'm not gonna answer if she calls.

• 35:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:13Alex Cooper?

  I think I feel better. I, do you still stand by though? Like, are you gonna go to an event with a dress and an ankle boot?

• 35:19Speaker 03

  I would never wear a heeled ankle boot.

• 35:21Alex Cooper?

  Okay, me neither.

• 35:22Speaker 03

  Not, I would wear like a western style ankle boot with like a little bit of a heel.

• 35:26Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 35:26Speaker 03

  But not like a stiletto ankle boot.

• 35:28Alex Cooper?

  I agree.

• 35:28Speaker 03

  Of course not. Now I could never. I mean, even if I was, I would lie about it.

• 35:32Alex Cooper?

  Right, of course.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  Because I don't want Morgan to harass and bully me.

• 35:34Alex Cooper?

  I, I, it's really interesting to see how powerful that conversation was. And I'm like, Jackie, are you gonna say anything today that is going to traumatize my audience?

• 35:42Speaker 03

  Probably.

• 35:43Alex Cooper?

  Let me get myself some water.

• 35:45Speaker 03

  I know. Been screaming about ankle boots.

• 35:47Alex Cooper?

  Hold on.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  Ooh, I'll put this in the cute cup. Oh, wow. Paper straws. I'll give you a fucking hot take.

• 35:59Alex Cooper?

  Say it.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  Fuck the turtles. I like plastic straws.

• 36:06Alex Cooper?

  You know what? Although, I, I, I actually agree with you in terms of...

• 36:12Speaker 03

  By the way, I love that. That's like the most controversial thing you could ever say. I was at like a fucking dinner and I said something like, it was like an influencer dinner. We don't, we'll never talk about it again. I'm so embarrassed.

• 36:22Alex Cooper?

  You went to one of those?

• 36:22Speaker 03

  I only went to one and then I got like basically kicked out. And I said something about like, bring back the plastic straws. And it was like, I had just said, like, I had done like a hail Hitler or something. Like, it was like, it was like the whole, like, there was like a rogue wave of shame and disappointment. And these girls were like, that's just like not cool. And I'm like, I can't make a joke about plastic straws. I cut them up when I'm done. To save little baby Franklin. You know Franklin?

• 36:50Alex Cooper?

  Of course I know Franklin. I think you're right. There's bigger issues of how to solve the issues with the environment. Like, stop going on your private planes.

• 36:58Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:58Alex Cooper?

  How about that?

• 36:59Speaker 03

  Let's like tackle bigger issues.

• 37:01Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  You think you're superior because you suck out of a paper limp dick straw that's compostable?

• 37:08Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 37:09Speaker 03

  Me too. I love it.

• 37:11Alex Cooper?

  Love it. Shout out.

• 37:12Speaker 03

  No single-use plastics, guys.

• 37:13Alex Cooper?

  Okay, so let's talk about our dinner the other night. We'll start with this. We went to Tower Bar, which is like a great place to go, right?

• 37:20Speaker 03

  Great vibe, dark.

• 37:22Alex Cooper?

  We had a great conversation about mean girls and like adult mean girls. And we're talking about, we're not talking about the movie Mean Girls. I'm talking about like real life women that are-

• 37:32Speaker 03

  Petty bitches.

• 37:33Alex Cooper?

  Yes. I want to know, how do you define a mean girl?

• 37:40Speaker 03

  I think a mean girl is probably someone that's dealing with insecurities and therefore is deeply threatened and put off by people who feel,

• 37:56Speaker 03

  who feel like they, it highlights what they dislike about themselves. I think a mean girl is someone who projects a very different version of themselves to the public. And then, you know, behind closed doors is just like spewing mad shit that says nothing about the other person. It's all about them. Or someone who, someone who can't be friends with someone who's doing better than them is a fucking mean girl.

• 38:22Alex Cooper?

  I completely agree with, I think, every single thing you said.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  Or dude. Dudes are the same way. It's, it takes like, if you can't be happy for someone that's doing better than you or, or has something that you want and there's not, there should never be a sting.

• 38:39Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  I don't feel like there should be a lingering sting.

• 38:42Alex Cooper?

  I, I agree with you and I, something I was thinking about was like, I agree with you on the mean girl thing. I think there's like such a deep rooted insecurity and there, it almost feels like there's this underlying like anger in them.

• 38:53Speaker 03

  Everybody deals with like feeling like they're not enough or they're not funny, smart, successful, whatever it is. Everybody has those feelings. You need to buck up, grab your vagina and differentiate that, how you're feeling has no merit to what other people are doing. You need to be like this.

• 39:12Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 39:12Speaker 03

  You need to like, what are you doing? Like, I just find that to be, it's so embarrassing.

• 39:18Alex Cooper?

  Listen, I think there is a different level of like, everyone talks shit.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  It's a bonding technique, A. It's therapeutic.

• 39:25Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 39:25Speaker 03

  And it's really not that big of a fucking deal.

• 39:28Alex Cooper?

  You can tell when someone's talking shit and it's like a genuine like- Oh, you're like really upset about this?

• 39:36Speaker 03

  If you're like bothered?

• 39:37Alex Cooper?

  Yes, like it's a joke.

• 39:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:38Alex Cooper?

  Like we're chilling.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  You're too close to it if you're so bothered.

• 39:42Alex Cooper?

  How would you handle a mean girl who you can tell is like genuinely trying to like make you feel like shit?

• 39:49Speaker 03

  Um, I think like in any situation, you have to get ahead of it and like directness is always the best way. It throws people off, especially you get one of those kinds of girls that's like really trying to like whip and nay nay and like fuck you up. You're like, you want to dance, let's start fencing like the parent trap. Like you want to play, let's fucking play. I'll stab you right in the eyeball. We're not doing this dance. So I like to nip shit in the bud and let them know what time it is. Like I'm, I see we're watching a different movie. You're watching Mean Girls and I'm watching Poltergeist. You know what I mean? Like I do not fuck like that.

• 40:28Alex Cooper?

  So what the fuck would you say to someone?

• 40:30Speaker 03

  I'd be like, what is your intent here? Are you trying to like, you just have to like get a high beam flashlight and just roll and be like, like what is your agenda here?

• 40:39Alex Cooper?

  Just cutting right, because I think people could also argue like just killing people with kindness.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  If that's your journey.

• 40:47Alex Cooper?

  That's personally not mine. Also, I will say, I think sometimes with my energy, I'm like, I just like, don't have the energy for you. Like be a bitch. And I'm literally like, this is so embarrassing for you.

• 40:55Speaker 03

  Then you can just sit like a little shiva and you just clip it.

• 40:57Alex Cooper?

  Right, right.

• 40:58Speaker 03

  You're like, we're not, you, we're not friends.

• 40:59Alex Cooper?

  I've had people write in of like, if someone's being a bitch to me, you can really just say, hey Caroline? I like Caroline. I don't know anyone.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  Caroline, what's the agenda of this conversation?

• 41:08Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 41:09Speaker 03

  What's your agenda?

• 41:09Alex Cooper?

  Or what my dad always told me say is, what's your point?

• 41:12Speaker 03

  Yeah. What's your point?

• 41:14Alex Cooper?

  Because then they're like, well, my point, no, no, no. What's your actual point? Where are we going here?

• 41:18Speaker 03

  And there's something that's so off putting about being like very brazen in a conversation when you can feel that someone's trying to like mince you and put you into a corner to say something so you look stupid or embarrass you. Just, you just lean the fuck in. Go harder. And humor diffuses everything and is like the ultimate, like it, it's just, it's the card. It's the card that always fucking wins.

• 41:42Alex Cooper?

  You're right. You're right.

• 41:43Speaker 03

  So you can diffuse anything and say exactly what you need to and make it like light and fluffy and not drama, because I don't play that game either. There's nothing more cringe and embarrassing. You don't want to be the girl crying at a dinner because like Katie from Milwaukee hurt your feelings because she doesn't like your ankle boots. Making it about me.

• 42:03Alex Cooper?

  No, literally. I, I get what you're saying.

• 42:04Speaker 03

  Just like, take control of the narrative.

• 42:06Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  Make it funny and be unbothered.

• 42:09Alex Cooper?

  How do we make it funny?

• 42:11Speaker 03

  How do you make it funny? I think you get ahead of it. I think like self-deprecation always really works.

• 42:16Alex Cooper?

  Yep.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  But like if someone said-

• 42:18Alex Cooper?

  Say some, say a girl's in a room with everyone and like a guy didn't end up texting the girl back and her friend's a fucking mean girl asshole and she's like, "Yeah, well Johnny didn't text Sarah back. Aww."

• 42:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, be like, "Yeah, it's probably because I have herpes."

• 42:31Alex Cooper?

  No, like, "Oh, it's probably because I have like small tits and no ass." And you, like, it's something like- Making fun of yourself that you're just-

• 42:37Speaker 03

  It's probably because I have herpes, but like, I'll just like kill him tonight.

• 42:42Speaker 03

  And you, Kirsten.

• 42:45Speaker 03

  You just like get ahead of it. Be like, "Yeah, oh my God, what will I do? I'm probably just gonna like die alone because I'm just like so unfuckable."

• 42:51Alex Cooper?

  And you say that, maybe not that exact thing, but you say like, "Yeah, I'm gonna die alone," right? Um, Kirsten, what's your point?

• 42:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, Kirsten, do you feel good?

• 42:59Alex Cooper?

  Yay, Kirsten!

• 43:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, Kirsten!

• 43:01Alex Cooper?

  You're like, "Kirsten, you good now?"

• 43:03Speaker 03

  Sorry, Richard and Henry.

• 43:04Alex Cooper?

  You look cooler to everyone in the room. We good now, Kirsten? Woo! Okay, let's all go back to having a good time.

• 43:08Speaker 03

  Kirsten, you okay?

• 43:09Alex Cooper?

  Yeah.

• 43:26Alex Cooper?

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• 44:11Alex Cooper?

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• 45:38Alex Cooper?

  Again, that's ziprecruiter.com/daddy. What do you think is a character flaw of yours?

• 45:45Speaker 03

  Oh, without a doubt, no hesitation, I can lack empathy.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  I can be very, very unempathetic towards myself and towards everybody else. I don't have like an amazingly large sensitivity chip. So sometimes now I've learned to just fake it a little bit.

• 46:08Alex Cooper?

  Good self-awareness.

• 46:10Speaker 03

  Because it's the best I can do, but I don't really have like the threshold to sit at a lunch and like hear my girlfriend complain about her boyfriend over and over. And then they break up and then they get back and then she hates him and then this happened and then that. I have little to zero empathy for like, and even things that are worse than that, like I'm a little desensitized.

• 46:36Alex Cooper?

  You're, you're gonna be more like the friend that's like, okay, so we've had this conversation. Conversation 10 times, we can't talk about this anymore. Like you gotta break up with him. Or shut the fuck up. Do you think that comes more with like experience and age?

• 46:48Speaker 03

  I think it comes from a lot of things. I think I'm like predispositioned to just be like that. I've kind of always been like that, which is terrible. And then I've like been through shit. I lost my mom pretty suddenly. I like, I've been through like a lot of like seemingly traumatic events and I don't use those like as a crutch. I don't know. I just, I, and you're not supposed to do this. You're never supposed to like compare like traumas or tragedies, but like I would, I just, I think that a lot of complaining is so counterproductive.

• 47:24Alex Cooper?

  I actually uh can totally see where you're coming from. My, my best friend had lost her father. And I remember having a conversation with her where she was like, everything now just sounds so like dumb, like shut the fuck up.

• 47:41Speaker 03

  Oh my God. And then like, I mean, you'll get friends that, that call you that need to talk about like something that is so trivial. And if you're someone who doesn't like I, and I'm working on it, but I would, I'm not someone who like leans on people. I've, I try. I've been better about it, but like, I don't like attention for sad stuff. So I have a hard time understanding and comprehending and like being a pillar of support for people who are so comfortable getting attention for sad stuff.

• 48:16Alex Cooper?

  You know, I think it's also, there's a lot of people that find like

• 48:21Alex Cooper?

  almost get fueled and find like connection through connecting, being like, just complaining about everything to people, their person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I actually, I am similar to you in that aspect of like, I remember, I would be interested to know if this affected you with your husband, but like, I remember in the beginning of dating, my boyfriend would always be like, okay. I am your partner. I can tell you're upset about something like, do you want to share it?

• 48:50Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 48:51Alex Cooper?

  I'm like grossed out by like talking about my issues.

• 48:57Speaker 03

  Same.

• 48:57Alex Cooper?

  Because I feel like I'm too aware that they're like it's

• 49:02Speaker 03

  Trivial.

• 49:03Alex Cooper?

  To me, it's big right now, but this is trivial. Like, I don't need, we don't need to talk about it. I'm upset about this. Like,

• 49:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:08Alex Cooper?

  Let's move on. Where then my partner's like, yeah, but like this is like, if you're upset about this, like, let's talk about it.

• 49:14Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 49:15Alex Cooper?

  Does Andrew ask you to be like, babe, can you give me like a little something here?

• 49:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think that he, yeah, my husband definitely like feels close and wants to share and wants, and I'm, I just, I've worked on it a lot. I still have a lot of room to grow. Cause it's just not my thing. Like it is not my default setting. It is so uncomfortable for me. I get like just, I'm just like icked by it. I'm a self processor and I just, it's where I do the clearest thinking and healing and I get defensive sometimes even with friends. Cause I feel like they, it validates them for me to dump or to, you know, emotionally. It validates the relationship or that I'm turning to them or I'm leaning on them.

• 50:06Speaker 03

  And maybe that's me being like fucked up and guarded, which it could be, but I don't need to do that. So I don't want to do that.

• 50:15Alex Cooper?

  I, I just think, listen, if you feel like you're, you process shit alone, I think especially for women, you almost feel like what's, why do I not want to like?

• 50:24Speaker 03

  Or you're being guarded or you're like secretive. It's so not, everyone's fucking different. Like if you don't feel like sharing, you don't have to.

• 50:32Alex Cooper?

  I agree. I agree. Um, okay. You brought up your mom.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:37Alex Cooper?

  I have a lot of people write in that are like, how do I handle grief? And I understand everyone deals with it differently.

• 50:44Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 50:45Alex Cooper?

  But how would you give advice to someone that is like recently going through grief? Just like how to even understand it, handle it, move forward?

• 50:56Speaker 03

  I mean, it really is like case by case. And I think that people who are like going through like a very difficult time should know that literally everything is temporary, like everything in the world is temporary. Um, and for me, I was, I like went through like a really weird time where I was just like my whole world was shook, like everything I thought I knew was different, like everything, like every security anchor was gone and I was like free balling and I was like, what the fuck? So in those situations, whether you're grieving or not grieving, like, and your life is uprooted and you're in transitional periods, it's like you either sink or you swim.

• 51:41Speaker 03

  But for me, stagnant is not an option. So obviously like I go through so many things. It's like a random Tuesday where you're just like crying in a car and you're like, what the fuck? I've always used humor to deal with everything. It makes everything easier. And for people who don't understand, I totally get it. I've got friends that are like, you're so fucking weird. This is so dark. What is wrong with you? I understand that too. For me, I've always used it. It makes everything easier to digest. It's not like, it's not deflective coping. It's kind of like, it, it is what it is. You know what I mean? Um, and I would say like you kind of have to make like an internal decision.

• 52:26Speaker 03

  Are you gonna sink? Are you gonna swim? For me, my whole agenda, when my mom died, my throat's closing up. Can I drink my juice?

• 52:35Alex Cooper?

  I'm sweating.

• 52:35Speaker 03

  Do you have any vodka? When I like really got in the mindset where I was like, I don't want attention for, for, I don't want to walk into a room and get like the loose clutch on my shoulder of people being like, how are you doing? And how's your dad? And are you okay? And your mom loved you. I'm like, no shit bitch. I know my mom loved me. She hated you. Like, you know what I mean? Like you start getting in that mode where it's like now people, your whole identity is like you're walking around with a black veil. Some people love that. We call them grief groupies. This is the problem. There are human beings who are finally getting attention and they fucking love it.

• 53:17Speaker 03

  So you go through something terrible and then everyone feels bad for you and then everyone shows up with the casseroles. And you feel like you got a little gold validation sticker on your fucking forehead. That's where you get into a weird rhythm of being the victim. That's not the vibe because that has an expiration date and then everybody goes back to work in three months and everyone fucking forgot because it's no longer relevant. To you, still very relevant. To all the other people, doesn't matter. So I think like you have to, I just always said that I was gonna like commemorate my mother's life with living the fuck out of mine. It doesn't mean that you don't have terrible days. It doesn't mean you don't feel sad or you miss them.

• 53:59Speaker 03

  That's always going to exist. But what, like, why would you not want it? Want to experience your, like, why wouldn't you want to just have a good day when you can have a fucking good day? And a lot of that is about like emotional boundaries and people who don't, who don't serve you. Like it's, it becomes like this whole aftershock wave. You have to kind of just like dial it in and do the best you fucking can. It's, it's really, I don't even, I feel like I haven't said anything.

• 54:30Alex Cooper?

  No, no, I, I think you said so much and it's helpful to hear because.

• 54:34Speaker 03

  It's just a decision.

• 54:36Alex Cooper?

  I, I think that's really. I don't want to use the word powerful, but like you, the way you articulate it, you said you did say so much because I think that there's a mentality

• 54:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:48Alex Cooper?

  of like, I mean, I've talked to my friend Lauren about this, like her trying to decide like where, where am I gonna go with my life? Cause I have my life and my dad has his life and like, there's just a lot of shit you have to deal with internally of like, separating your own self from then what happened, if that makes any fucking sense?

• 55:07Speaker 03

  1,000%.

• 55:08Alex Cooper?

  But also still knowing like that's your parent and you like, it's, it's, it's confusing.

• 55:14Speaker 03

  There's so many layers to grief and like, every instance is different. All I can say is that you just have to like make a conscious decision that you're not gonna walk around with a vigil candle and a fucking deli platter and shiva flowers like Alex Cooper.

• 55:30Alex Cooper?

  It's all coming for full circle back to the end of this episode.

• 55:33Speaker 03

  This is why I was triggered.

• 55:34Alex Cooper?

  You're literally like, what?

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Do you know how many funerals I've been to with the sad fucking deli platters? I can't even go to a valley deli anymore because I've been to so many fucking funerals and the Jews love deli platters. And then you're like, can you imagine you just put a family member in the ground and then you're making like a pastrami sandwich? And then you look around and you see these urns and the fucking shitty ass Ralph's flowers. It's terrible.

• 55:54Alex Cooper?

  Jackie is fully triggered. She's like, why did you bring me here? I thought this was supposed to be fun. No, I, I really do appreciate, my last question about this, which I, I think is very important is there are people that on this unself-aware spectrum have no idea how to handle if a friend is going through something and has lost someone in their life. Okay?

• 56:19Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 56:19Alex Cooper?

  And can you just quickly explain? Things that have like been, you don't have to give examples, but you could have things that are said that you're like, don't say this, you fucking idiot.

• 56:31Speaker 03

  Please don't say everything happens for a reason or you will get slapped.

• 56:37Speaker 03

  Everything happens for a reason. Thank you. Thank you, Katie. Have fun with your mom. Like, shut the fuck up. Don't do not anything that is on some spiritual religious bumper sticker. Don't you fucking dare drop that shit. Don't do it. When you see a butterfly, don't say, that's, I, I could tell that was your mom.

• 57:02Speaker 03

  I fucking hate butterflies.

• 57:05Alex Cooper?

  You get a fucking fly swatter.

• 57:08Speaker 03

  I swear to God, I saw a rainbow yesterday and I knew it was your mom. I was like, do you want to get hit?

• 57:18Alex Cooper?

  Do you want to get hit?

• 57:19Speaker 03

  Do you want to get hit?

• 57:20Alex Cooper?

  It's, this is, this is what,

• 57:21Speaker 03

  It's a sign. Did you, oh, she did this for you. I was, so when I bought my house.

• 57:26Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 57:27Speaker 03

  I, this is like a whole other conversation.

• 57:30Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  I found my house. It was unlisted. It was off market. My realtor calls me. He's like, hey, there's this house coming for sale. I only wanted to buy it in this one neighborhood, whatever. So I go to the house, I break in, it was vacant. The guy was dead, whatever.

• 57:45Speaker 03

  Broke in through the back.

• 57:46Alex Cooper?

  The guy's dead inside?

• 57:48Speaker 03

  No, thank God. Went to hospice in Texas. Dead, out, fine. Vacant. So I like, you know, jimmy'd my way in and I was like, oh my God, I love this house. So I'm talking to my grandparents and they said, oh, how's, how's your guys' house hunt coming? And I'm like, oh, it's, it's good. I think I found a house today. We're going to put an offer. And they're like, which house is it? We used to live in that neighborhood. And I give them the address and it was my mother's childhood home. So I now live in my mother's childhood home. Okay. Um, I did not know, I had never been there because when my grandparents like lived in a different state, we never went there. It would, it,

• 58:22Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 58:23Speaker 03

  I, I wasn't alive.

• 58:24Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 58:25Speaker 03

  So that automatically made me hate the house because I was like, oh my God, that's so weird. Now it's going to be like this whole like butterflies and rainbows and like basher bullshit. I'm like, I'm not dealing with it. Oh my God. So I then got into like a severe bidding war where I had to basically bankrupt the entirety of our bank accounts to get this fucking house because I loved it so much. It was locked up in probate, blah, blah, blah. It took me like a year to get this fucking house. Very ruthless bidding war. So I overpaid by like, or like an obscene amount of money that I can't even really say out loud because it will be alienating and disgusting, whatever.

• 58:59Speaker 03

  So I get into this house. I have my family over for like the first holiday and every single motherfucker looks at me with that fucking hand, with that loose little grip, the little shoulder grip and the upper, the lip quiver and says, your mom got you this house. Your mom brought this house to you. And I'm looking at them and I'm thinking to myself,

• 59:20Speaker 03

  I've had to spread my legs.

• 59:24Speaker 03

  Metaphorically behind a microphone and hawking every product under the sun on Instagram like a shameless ruthless prostitute for years so that I could buy this house because I bought the house. I wanted to buy the house.

• 59:41Alex Cooper?

  Me. I bought the house.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  Bled my bank accounts dry and you have the nerve to tell me that this bitch, my dead mother, brought me the house? If that was the case, I would have fucking inherited it. I would have bought it before the pandemic when the housing market was a little more stable. Okay? How dare you? And I, it took everything in me. I was clutching my martini glass like with a white knuckling it and I just wanted to bash it over everyone's head. And I even said to my dad, I'm like, if one more motherfucker says to me that my dead mom got me this house, somebody's gonna die in this house and then the property value will really plummet.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  I will have to borrow your flowers for the shiva.

• 1:00:27Alex Cooper?

  It's, it's so shut.

• 1:00:31Alex Cooper?

  You are leaving today with them.

• 1:00:32Speaker 03

  I'm not taking them. I hate them.

• 1:00:37Alex Cooper?

  These are real. These are real.

• 1:00:39Speaker 03

  Okay. We couldn't go low and tight? Had to go, couldn't go low and full?

• 1:00:45Alex Cooper?

  He's crying. Come here.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 1:00:47Alex Cooper?

  Okay, he's crying. He's upset.

• 1:00:48Speaker 03

  Sorry, Henry.

• 1:00:49Alex Cooper?

  Cause, okay, this is my, this is my thought.

• 1:00:53Alex Cooper?

  Shut the fuck up.

• 1:00:55Speaker 03

  Like, please.

• 1:00:56Alex Cooper?

  Just shut the fuck up.

• 1:00:57Speaker 03

  This sucks so bad. I'm so fucking sorry. This is terrible. Like, what do you, what can I do?

• 1:01:02Alex Cooper?

  Okay, that's what I was gonna say. Everyone deals with grief differently. So, follow your friend's lead. If it's also not your fucking friend and it's acquaintance, shut the fuck up.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  Please don't. I had, it was so funny. Like, I had a friend that would like weaponize like my grief. Like, it wasn't like, I wasn't like, like I wasn't like coming to her to cry. Like, I was going to other people and then she like, said, do you not like feel comfortable with me or do you not like feel close to me? And I'm like, you're literally the worst.

• 1:01:33Alex Cooper?

  About you. How are we?

• 1:01:34Speaker 03

  You suck so bad. And honestly, like, I should send her an edible arrangement because I need to thank her because she made the whole experience. Like so diffusive because I was like, oh, wow. Like you just took me out of my grief because now I just want to fucking headbutt you because you're so stupid.

• 1:01:47Alex Cooper?

  Wait, like, what? What do you mean? How is this? How did we make this about you?

• 1:01:50Speaker 03

  What movie are you? What? What? It was like I had a stroke. I was like, poor Qua? Do I need to like? Do I need to apologize to you because I'm not like sad enough for you?

• 1:02:00Alex Cooper?

  Yeah. I think that's the wrap of up of that is like, if it's, if it's not your shit, shut, just, just literally.

• 1:02:08Speaker 03

  You don't need to like not talk, but like it's not like that. It's just like, read, just let the person do their thing.

• 1:02:14Alex Cooper?

  Yes. Thank you.

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  And that's totally okay. That is such an extreme place of privilege to not understand. And I honestly think that's amazing. And you should just like run with that. It's fabulous. You lucky son of a bitch. But um, yeah, it's like an, it's an extreme, it's an extreme tier of privilege to like not understand that.

• 1:02:34Alex Cooper?

  That level of.

• 1:02:35Speaker 03

  And that's cool, too.

• 1:02:36Alex Cooper?

  Totally. But if, if acknowledged, you don't know it. And so don't act like you have any fucking comprehension of what happened.

• 1:02:43Speaker 03

  Oh my God. I love when like a friend who was like, I know, like I lost my, um, my pet kitty when I was three and I was like, cool.

• 1:02:51Alex Cooper?

  Even like, sorry to say this. I need to move these.

• 1:02:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, please.

• 1:02:55Alex Cooper?

  Even, even, and I'm not trying to be an asshole, but even when people are like.

• 1:02:58Speaker 03

  Grandparents. Like, it's the circle of life. Q Simba.

• 1:03:02Alex Cooper?

  Let me guess. They were 80, 90, like.

• 1:03:04Speaker 03

  Lie down.

• 1:03:06Speaker 03

  Go to sleep. As Kelly Bunce once, or Bethany Frankel once said, go to sleep.

• 1:03:10Alex Cooper?

  Right.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  Like they, they had a good run.

• 1:03:12Alex Cooper?

  Right. And that's like natural. Like what were you expecting? They were gonna have like a revive and just start like it's, it's, that was how it was supposed to go.

• 1:03:19Speaker 03

  Oh my God. My grandpa was like, literally, I was prepared for him to die for like 12 years. My parents were like, listen, grandpa's like not super healthy. Like totally overweight, like had a terrible lifestyle. They told me this when I was seven. That fucker hung around till I was like 25. It became like a bit in my family. I was like, you're still here. I've been prepared for years. I grew out of my fucking funeral dress.

• 1:03:43Alex Cooper?

  No, you're so right. It's.

• 1:03:44Speaker 03

  Like I have one black outfit. I don't even fit in it anymore, grandpa. Jesus Christ, you're melting the clock. It's turn.

• 1:03:52Alex Cooper?

  So I can put you in the. Earn, earn, and Alex can put you in here.

• 1:03:57Speaker 03

  He'd need a much bigger urn. He was a very obese man. It would take up the whole room.

• 1:04:08Alex Cooper?

  Shout out Jackie's grandpa.

• 1:04:09Speaker 03

  Love you.

• 1:04:10Alex Cooper?

  Love you. Is he still here?

• 1:04:11Speaker 03

  No, he's dead.

• 1:04:13Alex Cooper?

  Wow, Alex.

• 1:04:18Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 1:04:18Speaker 03

  Long gone.

• 1:04:19Alex Cooper?

  Okay, we're off, we're moving off the grief topic.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:04:22Alex Cooper?

  I think my last thing is this. This is actually just out of curiosity. What happened to your Zimmerman dress?

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  Oh, Alex.

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  This is still on the topic of grief, by the way.

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  I've experienced so much loss.

• 1:04:43Alex Cooper?

  You're like, fuck my grandpa. Let's talk about the Zimmerman dress.

• 1:04:46Speaker 03

  The Zimmerman dress, honestly, you know, hindsight's 2020. I'm like, I'm too cool for a Zimmerman midi dress. Like, I've evolved. Jesus, this is funny. Okay.

• 1:04:58Alex Cooper?

  Okay, give it to us.

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  Well, I was attending a baby shower.

• 1:05:01Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  And I was trying to find something, like, I found this dress. It was a Zimmerman dress. It had, like, a molded cup balconet with a cutout. Pockets. She loves pockets. I love pockets.

• 1:05:13Alex Cooper?

  Love.

• 1:05:13Speaker 03

  Okay. And it was in my size. I didn't have to wear a bra. I looked cute. Like, I had just had a parasite, so I was very gaunt.

• 1:05:24Alex Cooper?

  You were like, winning.

• 1:05:25Speaker 03

  Like, literally, my clavicle was protruding, and I had, like, an upper rib cage thing, because I was shitting out my colon for weeks.

• 1:05:34Alex Cooper?

  No, this is like, people are gonna be pissed. When we were at Tower Bar, and you were like, I was just feeling like a little, like, just like blow to whatever.

• 1:05:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:41Alex Cooper?

  And Jackie turns to the waiter.

• 1:05:44Alex Cooper?

  She's like, could I get, um, some, like, expired salmon?

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  I'm like, do you have a raw salmon filet?

• 1:05:53Speaker 03

  That's unrefrigerated.

• 1:05:57Speaker 03

  The guy did not get that at all. He was like, pardon? I was like, never mind. I'll just have the brands, you know?

• 1:06:04Alex Cooper?

  Okay, so you're gaunt, you're ready with your dress?

• 1:06:07Speaker 03

  I was ready to rumble. Found this dress. I had it hooked in the back of my car and have a convertible and I was doing a bathroom renovation. I'm very hands on with my renovations. I love the Home Depot. It makes me feel alive. Insecure girls, go to Home Depot. Wear something tight and sexy. You will get accosted.

• 1:06:28Alex Cooper?

  You know what's crazy? Sorry to cut you off, but I remember back, back, back in the day where I said some controversial shit. I was self-aware enough to know that if I went to the University of Arizona, I was gonna be like a five on the scale. Boston University?

• 1:06:43Speaker 03

  It's the same thing at a Home Depot.

• 1:06:44Alex Cooper?

  Give me a 12.

• 1:06:46Speaker 03

  If you go to a Valley Home Depot, you've got better odds. If you go to like anything off the 405, it, it kinda depends. It's all, it's all about geography.

• 1:06:54Alex Cooper?

  You could run into Giselle. So you're gonna be the toad.

• 1:06:57Speaker 03

  Canoga Park Home Depot, you'll never feel anything like it.

• 1:07:02Alex Cooper?

  So you're saying you go there and you feel the hottest, most beautiful version of yourself?

• 1:07:06Speaker 03

  It is the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show reboot at the Home Depot before 10 a.m. When all the contractors are there, like there's no like women, like, you know, you're, you're it. That's it. So I was there at about 7:35 in the morning. I know. Rise and grind. Okay?

• 1:07:23Alex Cooper?

  She's got contractors.

• 1:07:23Speaker 03

  Literally grinding with contractors in aisle four. And I was in a bike short, looking so cute, sawing my own fucking trim. I needed like one piece of trim for a door. I was trying to wrap it up, you know? And the trim was very long. So I had, I figured the only way I could fit it in my car was to put my top down and shimmy it in the front. So it could hang out the back. Okay? Super safe.

• 1:07:48Alex Cooper?

  In your convertible.

• 1:07:49Speaker 03

  In my convertible. This is like Final Destination shit, okay? So, in, in the transportation of my trim piece, I had the dress hooked on the back, okay?

• 1:08:03Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 1:08:04Speaker 03

  And I'm driving on the freeway and I'm holding my, holding the trim because I didn't really feel like having it. God forbid. I mean, honestly, in hindsight, I wish that that trim would have fucking high-tailed it out of the car and like punctured the car behind me and I could have kept the dress. Cause I didn't have something to wear to the shower. Couldn't find anything. Whatever. I'm holding the trim, I'm driving, like cursing the day that my husband was born, cause he's like off at a trip somewhere and I'm just schlepping lumber, literally schlepping lumber. And I look behind me and I, all of a sudden, like I'm driving and I just see like a pink, like, like a pink parachute rising into the sky off the 101 freeway at 7:34 in the morning.

• 1:08:48Speaker 03

  And I'm like, huh. I look behind, it was like slow mo. I see my fucking dress, catch wind,

• 1:08:56Speaker 03

  and fly the fuck out of my car. Okay? So now I'm like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, like, how do, what do I, what do I even do? So I call highway patrol, I get off the freeway. I didn't even know who to call. I literally was like, I have a dress. It was $850 by the way, okay?

• 1:09:13Alex Cooper?

  Okay.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  Tags attached.

• 1:09:15Alex Cooper?

  Oh god.

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  Glad I did, you know, it, it wasn't my journey aesthetically, but it was an expensive dress and I never got to fucking wear it. And it was sold out in the size I needed because everyone kept sending me the certain sizes. I needed a two, two for the tits.

• 1:09:27Alex Cooper?

  Two for the tits.

• 1:09:28Speaker 03

  Two for the tits. Sold out. So I pull over on the side of the road. I'm now like pilfering through bushes.

• 1:09:34Alex Cooper?

  Wait, you get out of your car?

• 1:09:35Speaker 03

  I kind of, I did a little peruse. I did a little peruse, but then I thought, you know what? I called the highway patrol. They're gonna return it, like they're gonna get it dry cleaned for me. I had a massage.

• 1:09:44Alex Cooper?

  In what world are you?

• 1:09:46Speaker 03

  I don't know. I, listen, I live in suburbia. I figured, listen, I call these guys and like, I have a dress that flew out of my car.

• 1:09:53Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, I feel like they get called like-

• 1:09:54Speaker 03

  Abusing?

• 1:09:55Alex Cooper?

  No, literally you're abusing-

• 1:09:56Speaker 03

  Someone was stabbed, yeah.

• 1:09:57Alex Cooper?

  Usually it's like, someone's on the side of the road, someone was stabbed, there's an animal that's dead, there's a car-

• 1:10:02Speaker 03

  Kidnapping.

• 1:10:03Alex Cooper?

  My Zimmerman dress was $900. Could you guys do a loop?

• 1:10:08Speaker 03

  Could you guys do one of those zigzags, you know, where you shut the freeway down during rush hour? I'm like, it has cutouts and pockets. It's like so cute, so good. It's so hard for me to find a dress where I don't have to wear a bra.

• 1:10:20Alex Cooper?

  They're like, ma'am. You're like, no, no, no, size two.

• 1:10:23Speaker 03

  I'm like, I just like, I don't know, like, should I pull over on the road? Like, I don't know. Like, I just feel like this is like a safety breach. I've already been like sexually harassed at Home Depot. I'm not trying to like, get picked up.

• 1:10:31Alex Cooper?

  And what are they saying?

• 1:10:33Speaker 03

  I mean, they were laughing.

• 1:10:34Alex Cooper?

  Of cour- as we all are now, Jackie.

• 1:10:37Speaker 03

  We were laughing. Like, we were having a good time. Like, here's where I live. Like, there's a dry cleaners down. I was like making all the jokes. You know what I mean? So I thought, 100%, they're gonna fucking, they're gonna pick it up, drop it off. So then I like, you know, I had to deliver my trim pieces. I've got guys on the clock, okay? I'm not fucking around. And this is all so relatable and likeable. Daddy gang's gonna love this. Then I had a massage and I, so my phone was in my locker, whatever, and I had posted all of these stories. In one of the stories that I had posted on Instagram, you can see the dress, off the freeway. You can see its exact location, like, under a fence, under a pickup truck that was parked on the side of the road.

• 1:11:16Alex Cooper?

  Like, it's like behind you while you're filming?

• 1:11:18Speaker 03

  You can see the pink.

• 1:11:19Alex Cooper?

  Someone spotted it.

• 1:11:20Speaker 03

  I missed it. Yeah. So all of a sudden, I've been getting like so many messages of people circling, like, I see where your dress is. I see where your dress is. I knew exactly where it was. I get back in my car. I drive back. It's not there. The next day, the dress, in my size, tags attached, sold out everywhere, is available for sale for pickup in the Los Angeles location of the RealReal.

• 1:11:43Speaker 03

  Full price, full price. And I'm like.

• 1:11:48Alex Cooper?

  No.

• 1:11:48Speaker 03

  So some shady fuck. Honestly, love them. If you did this, I will like, please show yourself.

• 1:11:56Alex Cooper?

  Yeah, we respect you.

• 1:11:57Speaker 03

  I respect you. I like you. I will go to Tower Bar with you and we'll get raw salmon together. Some shady ass bitch rolled up, because I was giving like, like very specific geographics.

• 1:12:10Alex Cooper?

  No, I remember you posting about this.

• 1:12:12Speaker 03

  If you get off at Canogan, make a right.

• 1:12:14Alex Cooper?

  It's gonna be somewhere near there.

• 1:12:16Speaker 03

  What idiot.

• 1:12:17Alex Cooper?

  These are people that love me and support me. They will bring the dress to me. They will get it dry cleaned and bring it to me.

• 1:12:23Speaker 03

  I thought someone, like, I imagine like a bunch of girls, 25 to 35, in bitch bible merch and like fucking highway patrol, like neon vests with flashlights, like searching for this dress. That's in my head where I like just hawking macho with their shih tzu's like patrolling the valley for my dress. A search and rescue mission.

• 1:12:47Alex Cooper?

  You didn't think.

• 1:12:48Speaker 03

  No, I never thought. Naive.

• 1:12:50Alex Cooper?

  That a little cunt was gonna say.

• 1:12:54Speaker 03

  And you know who'd do something like that? Me.

• 1:12:59Speaker 03

  Let me tell you something. When I was 18 years old, if I found out some bitch had, you know, a Zimmerman dress go airborne off the side of the 101 freeway, and it was tags attached for 8.50 and I was eating bagel bites for three weeks, you think I wouldn't be tits deep on the side of the freeway, searching for that fucking dress? You are dead wrong. So I can relate and I respect it.

• 1:13:22Alex Cooper?

  I have no words. I, I guess we have to, we end it by respectfully respecting the cunt that went out of her way.

• 1:13:31Speaker 03

  This one's for her.

• 1:13:32Alex Cooper?

  This one's for her. Whoever you are, I actually would fucking love.

• 1:13:38Speaker 03

  Love.

• 1:13:39Alex Cooper?

  If you reached out to us.

• 1:13:40Speaker 03

  Show yourself.

• 1:13:41Alex Cooper?

  We would actually really respect you.

• 1:13:43Speaker 03

  I will.

• 1:13:44Alex Cooper?

  You're like, well.

• 1:13:45Speaker 03

  No, no, no. If this person exposes themselves with receipt, we need a receipt from the real real. I need like all, like I need a full manila folder to showcase that it's you. I will take you to Zimmerman and I will buy you a full outfit.

• 1:13:59Alex Cooper?

  It was me. Alex, we're going to Zimmerman. Jockey. I know. I'm sweating. I'm so sorry to bring the mood down. No, no, I love how when I'm like grief and then you're like, no, I'm gonna bring it down even more. Yeah. Grandpa. Light your vigil candles.

• 1:14:15Alex Cooper?

  I love you. Thank you so much for coming. I'm sweating. I'm gonna pee my pants. This was a great ep- Henry, wait, let's pull the dogs up for one quick. Oh, yes. Come here.

• 1:14:37Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. Every year, my family takes a big trip together around the holidays. And right now, we're in the middle of planning it. So naturally, our family group chat has become everyone sending different homes that they found on Airbnb. And they're like, what about this one? What about this one? Because my family has a lot of opinions about what we need. Obviously, the house has to be big enough to fit all of us, especially now with the baby. My mom wants a huge kitchen because she is already planning out Christmas dinner. My sister wants to be close enough to town so she can walk around and she can explore all the different shops.

• 1:15:17Alex Cooper?

  And personally, I always love to have a really good hot tub. I feel like once November hits, everyone's either just like booking holiday travel or trying to coordinate where they're gonna end up. And even though it's so fun, it can kind of be a lot. And that is why Airbnb has become my family's favorite way to travel. Everyone has different needs around the holidays, but Airbnb makes it easy to book a spot that kind of just checks all of your boxes. Having one place where everyone can hang and cook and slow down, it just makes the trip that much more special. So before the holiday rush really kicks in, find a place where everyone can actually gather, relax, and make memories together with Airbnb.

• 1:15:57Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Revolve. Now that I'm entering this mom era, guys, I'm trying to figure out my style, okay? I'm looking for my good elevated basics. I'm looking for a lot of- Matching sets. I'm looking for cozy but practical. And so I'm just, I'm trying to figure it out. So whether you're preparing for your hot mom era, leaning into a new cozy fall wardrobe, or just wanting to feel hot and comfortable, Revolve has what you're looking for in a wardrobe. Revolve has literally everything from cozy knits to event dresses, all curated in a way that makes getting dressed so easy. You also don't have to waste time endlessly scrolling, which is my favorite part, because everything already fits the look that you're going for.

• 1:16:39Alex Cooper?

  And once you find something you like, Revolve will show you similar options so you can build off of that. This is my favorite aspect of shopping on Revolve. I'm like, oh, I really like this sweater. And then all of a sudden they're like, shop the whole look. And then there's the pants, and then there's the purse, and then there's the shoes, and then there's the jewelry, and then there's the sunglasses. And I'm like, oh, my God. I just put all this in my cart and I never, I didn't have to do much. It's really nice. Also, you can find the best brands. Keep coming back to shop new arrivals daily and find inclusive sizing. Listen, hot girl energy, hot mom energy, whatever era you're in, Revolve has the outfit for it. Revolve has the hottest brands, new arrivals shopping daily, and pieces you'll wear over and over again. Go to revolve.com/chd and use code C H D for 15% off your first order.

• 1:17:26Speaker 03

  Okay, can I defend the flowers now? Yes. What? I need to defend the flowers now. Oh, did you do this? I do them every week. They're one of my greatest prizes. My takers A, B, let me just tell you this. Okay, I'm sorry. This week I went to both Bristol Farms and Ralph's, went twice, bought a pair, still didn't think they looked good enough. Okay, okay. Went back for more. Those pink ones I hate are the only ones that I could find. And it's been a journey. Jordan, let me also defend you. It's not the flowers, it's the vase. The vase is not your fault. No, it's not the flowers. It's, it's. The turquoise.

• 1:18:08Speaker 05

  She painted it.

• 1:18:16Speaker 05

  Alex is like, I really wanted. You went to color me mine? It was like your Christmas gift. I'm like, who the fuck? Alex was like, I really want a green vase. I thought I wanted it to be like a color. And Jordan said she's great at. That's amazing. That is the best move. No, we don't, we don't take it personally. We are, we need to get it together.

• 1:18:38Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by American Eagle. Holiday outfits just got way easier. American Eagle's new arrivals are basically everything you need right now. Super soft sweaters, lightweight layers, comfy lounge styles, heritage faves, and low-rise jeans that are very much back in the rotation. Whether you're heading to a holiday thing or just hanging with your people, there's something for every plan. Just don't wait too long. Your new faves won't be around forever. You can check it all out at ae.com or just go to the store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Stouffer's. Let me tell you something. When I am hungry and I am trying to figure out what to eat, sometimes you can just actually become so, you're angry.

• 1:19:22Alex Cooper?

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• 1:19:53Speaker 01

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