Did The Freemasons Kill A U.S. President? | FILE_22 | Mystery Boys

🎟️ Duncan Trussell Tour: ⁠https://www.duncantrussell.com/tour 🎙️ Kurt Metzger Tour: ⁠https://punchup.live/kurtmetzger 🦊 Buster (Tanner's Friend From School): https://instagram.com/mysterybuster666 SPONSORS: Head to https://BlueChew.com to get wo months of BlueChew Gold you get the third FREE with promo code MYSTERY Welcome to Mystery Boys, the podcast from YMH Studios hosted by Kurt Metzger and Duncan Trussell. This week Kurt and Duncan bring in Dr. Jonathan Shots after Dr. Drew no-shows, and the episode turns into a full movie pitch for Dr. Shots, a Jack Kevorkian meets Jack Reacher story about a drunk surgeon who hitchhikes across America. Kurt and Duncan plan the plot, cast the estranged son, act out scenes, make the movie poster, compare it to Dutch and God of War, and pitch a Footloose remake set in a Ken Paxton-style town where dancing and abortion are banned. They also cover the biggest news stories of the week: where James Talarico went during his 12 days off the campaign trail in the Texas Senate race against Ken Paxton, his trans kids interview answer, and Brian Callen being asked to run for Texas governor. Plus the botched execution of Christa Pike in Tennessee, Mike Pence and the trans CIA officer, MKUltra and secret societies, the James Garfield assassination and the French Freemasons, Gapetober, the vasectomy truck, why the 2016 Ghostbusters reboot flopped, and Seth Simons and his Substack. Mystery Boys File_22 https://www.instagram.com/duncantrussell https://www.instagram.com/kurtmetzgercomedy https://www.instagram.com/mysteryboyspodcast https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:32 - Where Is James Talarico? Missing 12 Days vs. Ken Paxton 00:10:23 - Free Will, Israel & America's Rigged Two-Party System 00:23:59 - James Talarico's "Trans Children" Answer 00:29:35 - Christa Pike's Botched Execution In Tennessee 00:37:18 - Dr. Shots: Jack Kevorkian Meets Jack Reacher 00:45:34 - The Anti-AI Leftist & His Goomba x Koopa Rule 34 00:58:42 - Mike Pence & The Trans CIA Officer's Mom 01:05:02 - Dr. Shots The Movie: Poster, Novel & Abortion Road Trip 01:13:40 - Troubled Teen Camp & The God Of War Divorce DLC 01:25:33 - Mike Pence, Secret Societies & MKUltra 01:31:09 - James Garfield's Assassination & The French Freemasons 01:38:07 - Gapetober & The Gen Z Taint Crisis 01:47:09 - The Vasectomy Truck That Plays CoComelon 01:52:10 - Why The 2016 Female Ghostbusters Reboot Flopped 01:58:38 - Footloose Remake: Ken Paxton Bans Dancing & Abortion 02:02:31 - The Movie Is Officially Called Dr. Shits Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  Warning, warning. Please be advised, sirs only. This is one warning, sirs. Sentient AGI has broken local containment measures and may be on the loose in your area only. Calling people gay. Do not approach AGI itself. Very dangerous, very, very dangerous.

• 1:20Duncan Trussell?

  Welcome to The Mystery Boys. My name's Scattered Crumb. And with me here today is...

• 1:25Kurt Metzger?

  I'm Dr. Jonathan Schatz. Dr. Schatz.

• 1:30Duncan Trussell?

  Great to meet you, Dr. Schatz.

• 1:36Kurt Metzger?

  I love two things. Getting fucked up, doing surgery.

• 1:39Duncan Trussell?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:40Kurt Metzger?

  Doing complicated surgery.

• 1:41Duncan Trussell?

  You do all surgeries?

• 1:43Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, if I get enough drinks in me, I'll do any surgery you want.

• 1:46Duncan Trussell?

  No shit.

• 1:46Kurt Metzger?

  I won't even have to think. I go into flow state. I go into what they call a Dr. Flow state. I was hoping Dr. Drew would have the guts to show up today.

• 1:56Duncan Trussell?

  Why are you guys at odds? It seems like you guys have had a few showing off.

• 1:59Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I run a tox clinic, and that's why I get you fucked up.

• 2:03Duncan Trussell?

  As opposed to like detox, you tox.

• 2:05Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, and I want to do a good point, counterpoint to Dr. Drew, because as you know, he's a little bit of a teetotaler.

• 2:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:13Kurt Metzger?

  But he ain't talked to Dr. Schatz, and I thought it'd be good for the public to see two experts going head to head.

• 2:17Duncan Trussell?

  You think he's actively avoiding you? Does he feel threatened by your work?

• 2:21Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I didn't think that until he said he didn't have time in his visit to come to the show The Mystery Boys. You know, I've spoken to him before. I know you have. Of course, it's Gang Fest, which sounds like a joke, but it's not. He was at Gang Fest with us.

• 2:34Duncan Trussell?

  That's right.

• 2:36Kurt Metzger?

  It sounds like a thing I made up, but no, there's the best guy. And also, Jimmy Dore Show he was on, talking about the COVID. And we had common ground on the COVID vaccines. He was one of the first doctors to not be a liar about it.

• 2:47Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 2:48Kurt Metzger?

  But it's like he still doesn't get, you know, that there's absolutely nothing wrong with indulging. And I would say even... They call it drug abuse, but you're not hurting the drug.

• 3:02Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 3:02Kurt Metzger?

  So it's misnomer.

• 3:04Duncan Trussell?

  Technically, you're hurting yourself, I think is what they mean by that.

• 3:06Kurt Metzger?

  You see what I'm doing? If I don't do it, then it really starts to hurt.

• 3:10Duncan Trussell?

  Listen, I'm with you, man.

• 3:11Kurt Metzger?

  Chill, sweats.

• 3:12Duncan Trussell?

  I'm with you. Some drugs like to be abused.

• 3:15Kurt Metzger?

  Though drugs tell you when to stop.

• 3:17Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, they will.

• 3:18Kurt Metzger?

  If you're listening, Dr. Drew.

• 3:19Duncan Trussell?

  You just have to have a relationship with the spirit of the plant.

• 3:22Kurt Metzger?

  As a doctor, I can tell you, and I bet Dr. Drew could tell you, survey finds 1 in 7 physicians uses alcohol or drugs on the job to cope with stress.

• 3:29Duncan Trussell?

  Is that true?

• 3:30Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, yeah. And I would say 7 out of 1, which sounds impossible, but that's just how busy doctors are.

• 3:39Duncan Trussell?

  7 out of 1?

• 3:40Kurt Metzger?

  When you're on call like that, you know, you want to sit down at a nice Mexican dinner for a double date with some friends? Uh, beep boop, beep boop boop. Time for more surgery.

• 3:52Duncan Trussell?

  What med school did you go to?

• 3:54Kurt Metzger?

  Um, Jonathan Hopkins. Now, that's not the same.

• 3:59Duncan Trussell?

  Johns Hopkins?

• 4:00Kurt Metzger?

  No, I don't. It's not, it's not establishment.

• 4:05Duncan Trussell?

  Well, doctor, look. We have got a serious mystery, a real mystery. A mystery happening in real time.

• 4:10Kurt Metzger?

  They come to me with mysteries at the hospital. They'll be like, we can't... Oh, also, I'm a gynecologist. Did I mention that?

• 4:15Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 4:16Kurt Metzger?

  Who plays by his own rules.

• 4:17Duncan Trussell?

  That's cool.

• 4:19Kurt Metzger?

  But I'm the best there is, so they gotta... Hey, Dr. Schatz, you really think you should be eating a bag of hot Cheetos before this gyno exam? I go, what? I'm just looking at my fingers. What?

• 4:30Duncan Trussell?

  That's great.

• 4:31Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, and then bam, we find out what the problem was.

• 4:33Duncan Trussell?

  That's great.

• 4:34Kurt Metzger?

  The problem was there was hot Cheeto dust on the woman's labia. That's what was causing the problems.

• 4:38Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, here's the big mystery. Look at that. James Tellerico has vanished.

• 4:43Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Tellerico.

• 4:44Duncan Trussell?

  Has vanished for 12 days.

• 4:46Kurt Metzger?

  Why?

• 4:47Duncan Trussell?

  This has become... Well, according to his campaign, he said that he has the flu. And...

• 4:53Kurt Metzger?

  What kind of flu?

• 4:54Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know. No one knows.

• 4:55Kurt Metzger?

  The gay flu, because I remember that from the 80s.

• 4:57Duncan Trussell?

  Said he has a fever.

• 4:58Kurt Metzger?

  That was, it turned out to be a lot more serious than a flu.

• 5:01Duncan Trussell?

  The Republicans are saying that he's had a mental health crisis. His people are...

• 5:07Kurt Metzger?

  Now, which one is he? Is he the one that was like, went all in on trans shit for this race? And I can't think of a smarter way to run. You know, like...

• 5:16Duncan Trussell?

  He's 10 points ahead.

• 5:17Kurt Metzger?

  One thing is like, hey, oh, let's take a look at him. Oh, and boy, what a, what the fuck? He's a claymation man.

• 5:25Duncan Trussell?

  Here, I have some choice clips we could play.

• 5:27Kurt Metzger?

  He looks like Davy from Davy and Goliath.

• 5:29Duncan Trussell?

  Here, I don't know if you've seen this.

• 5:31Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know Davy and Goliath, Tanner?

• 5:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, do you mean David and Goliath?

• 5:37Kurt Metzger?

  I thought the claymation is called Davy.

• 5:39Speaker 04

  Davy?

• 5:40Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, put it in so we could see Tommy. Uh, boy, this reeks of...

• 5:46Speaker 04

  Is this like another show you used to watch?

• 5:49Kurt Metzger?

  It's old from the 70s. Hit it. Let's see.

• 5:53Kurt Metzger?

  It is, it's the hook, look. There he is, Tommy Tellerico.

• 5:57Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, my God, that's hilarious.

• 5:59Kurt Metzger?

  He's been on adventures with his clay doggy, so that's...

• 6:03Duncan Trussell?

  That's so weird, man. It is really...

• 6:06Kurt Metzger?

  A Tellerico.

• 6:07Duncan Trussell?

  So apparently, people are also saying this is like a strategy. Like, he's 10 points ahead, so...

• 6:14Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, is he not missing? He just hasn't been on?

• 6:17Duncan Trussell?

  No, he canceled shit. He basically just, this close to an election, it's very strange. Okay, here, maybe watch this real quick. I don't know if you've seen this. This is really weird.

• 6:30Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, let's, okay. Let's go ahead and play. Let's see what I'm looking at here.

• 6:35Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, what happened?

• 6:36Duncan Trussell?

  You guys just had it.

• 6:38Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, with the gentleman with the breast? Where's that?

• 6:41Speaker 05

  White educators that are on this call that these violent hierarchies, these systems, white supremacy, hetero patriarchy, economic exploitation, those things have, have colonized our own minds. I think we have to understand, especially for the white educators that are on this call, that these violent hierarchies, these systems...

• 7:05Duncan Trussell?

  He's missing.

• 7:06Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, wait, wait. Pause one second. So you're saying that, they're saying that he, he doesn't want to make any appearances while he's ahead?

• 7:14Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 7:15Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that doesn't make any sense. This is gold, he's saying. Why would he go missing and not say anything else after? I mean, I guess he says it all right here.

• 7:22Duncan Trussell?

  How do you follow that?

• 7:24Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, I can see why he's up 10 points, because that's great.

• 7:26Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 7:27Kurt Metzger?

  Who's he up against?

• 7:27Duncan Trussell?

  Exactly. He's up against Ken fucking Paxton.

• 7:33Kurt Metzger?

  That's my father's middle name as well, fucking. You know that?

• 7:35Duncan Trussell?

  Ken?

• 7:36Kurt Metzger?

  John fucking Metzger. Does he spell it with a P, like father?

• 7:41Duncan Trussell?

  He's up against this fucker, Ken Paxton. So this is the Texas...

• 7:45Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, look at that guy's eye. Look at the eyes over there on him. Wait, no, no, look to the right. The big one, that one. Look down. You see it? Up, up, up, up, up, up. Keep going up, up. There you go, right there. No, you blew back. Yes. Look at his eyes. Look at his eyes. The fuck am I looking at?

• 8:02Duncan Trussell?

  These are your fucking choices here, man.

• 8:03Kurt Metzger?

  Does he have like one, one glass eye or something?

• 8:06Duncan Trussell?

  These are the choices.

• 8:07Kurt Metzger?

  Can you make that big? I want to know. I didn't know Texas had such Filmation-created puppets as...

• 8:14Duncan Trussell?

  Look at that.

• 8:15Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, Tommy Tellerico needs an answer for this. Where is he? I don't know Ken Paxton. He needs to come out and say, well, he supports Israel. Tommy Tellerico, do you support Israel?

• 8:32Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 8:33Kurt Metzger?

  Because I support Israel.

• 8:35Duncan Trussell?

  Israel.

• 8:36Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, we need to change the school district to talk more about Israel.

• 8:40Duncan Trussell?

  Yep.

• 8:41Kurt Metzger?

  I, I myself will be missing for 10 days because I will be in Israel.

• 8:45Duncan Trussell?

  Israel.

• 8:49Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, and I, if I'm elected, I will change the state nick, the official state nickname to the Israel state.

• 8:56Duncan Trussell?

  Israel.

• 8:59Kurt Metzger?

  The Israel state.

• 9:01Kurt Metzger?

  Israel. No, I did not sneeze. That's how I say Israel.

• 9:04Duncan Trussell?

  Israel. Yeah, it's just weird. That's who we get to choose.

• 9:09Kurt Metzger?

  I called Ted Cruz just last night and I said, Ted, I can't sleep. I'm thinking about Israel.

• 9:13Duncan Trussell?

  Israel.

• 9:14Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's really, I'm thinking about Israel. That's all I think about anymore is Israel.

• 9:20Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 9:21Kurt Metzger?

  So that's his, his platform. And then Tommy Talarico wisely doesn't even go near that, that third rail of politics.

• 9:28Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 9:28Kurt Metzger?

  Which is Israel. If you wondered when they say the third rail of politics.

• 9:32Duncan Trussell?

  It's Israel.

• 9:32Kurt Metzger?

  It's Israel. Uh, Tommy Talarico wisely knows, hey, I don't want to alienate anybody, you know? I don't know where, look, I know everybody's got their opinions on what's happening. Uh, you know, I hesitate to use the terms that people are using. You know, the one.

• 9:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 9:47Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. I tend to take a, a measured Ed Sheeran approach to that.

• 9:51Speaker 06

  Israel.

• 9:54Duncan Trussell?

  Israel.

• 9:55Kurt Metzger?

  Well, uh, that is what I'll say.

• 9:57Duncan Trussell?

  Are you gonna vote?

• 9:59Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I'll vote if, uh, in the elections of Israel.

• 10:02Duncan Trussell?

  Do you gonna vote? Are you gonna vote in the Texas?

• 10:04Kurt Metzger?

  The Texas, Texas, are you gonna vote in the Texas elections? Do you even give a shit?

• 10:12Duncan Trussell?

  Do you?

• 10:14Kurt Metzger?

  Do you have some kids? So it matters in some way. No, you don't. I guess. Fuck the election.

• 10:21Duncan Trussell?

  I'm sick of them.

• 10:23Kurt Metzger?

  Um, who cares which corrupt? Okay. Tommy Talarico sounds like a hypnotized, uh, Satan puppet. Uh, and the other guy sounds like a hypnotized Zio Satan puppet. So I, I, I don't care.

• 10:35Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 10:36Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, have you seen, have you seen the, the school curriculum where the guy's like, look, Israel's just better than you. And they're saying?

• 10:42Duncan Trussell?

  I haven't seen that.

• 10:44Kurt Metzger?

  Really?

• 10:44Duncan Trussell?

  I haven't seen that. I mean, it's depressing. I hate watching this shit.

• 10:48Kurt Metzger?

  Um.

• 10:49Duncan Trussell?

  I shouldn't have brought it up.

• 10:50Kurt Metzger?

  Well, uh, you can catch, uh, Tommy Talarico on Davey and Goliath.

• 10:53Duncan Trussell?

  It's creepy. Why are these the people we have to choose between? Like, that's the part that bothers me. It's like, how are these, so the system is supposed to produce?

• 11:03Kurt Metzger?

  The two lie system. So it's that way.

• 11:04Duncan Trussell?

  It's supposed to produce two great, I mean, this is the idea.

• 11:07Kurt Metzger?

  I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.

• 11:08Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 11:09Kurt Metzger?

  Because, uh, uh, free will is real and they know that.

• 11:12Duncan Trussell?

  Israel.

• 11:13Kurt Metzger?

  And that's right. Well, you, wow, you just jumped right on the, on it, but you, you got it. Free will, Israel.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Israel, trans, trans, Israel, trans, Israel, Israel is trans. He just says, trans, Israel, trans, Israel, trans, Israel, trans, tral, trans, is trans, tral, Israel, tral is trans. Yeah, trans, trans, Israel, is, Israel, Israel, Israel, trans, Israel's trans.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  What the fuck, y'all?

• 11:54Kurt Metzger?

  Anyway, we understand that, uh, as doctors, uh, as, uh, you know, I'm not in the CIA or anything, but in the CIA, if I were, we would understand that.

• 12:02Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 12:02Kurt Metzger?

  If I was hypothetically, which I'm not, a doctor who worked in the CIA to find new ways to, uh, perform, uh, uh, uh, full spectrum dominance.

• 12:11Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 12:12Kurt Metzger?

  Warfare. What we would do is give you a framing device of, yeah, you get to make choices, but I'm going to control every part of those choices.

• 12:19Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 12:20Kurt Metzger?

  Which like video game design, they don't want to overwhelm you with choices in the game. It's gotta be fun.

• 12:24Duncan Trussell?

  Sure.

• 12:24Kurt Metzger?

  But I would argue that this game is not fun now.

• 12:27Duncan Trussell?

  Doesn't feel very fun.

• 12:28Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. I, I mean, uh, you're going to need better game design. It looks like the, the woke mind virus, Israel.

• 12:34Duncan Trussell?

  But do you think most people, when they're looking at these choices are, have in the pit of their stomach, a, a kind of nauseating?

• 12:44Kurt Metzger?

  They do. They not only do they, they then feel that they're doing a civic duty. They're like, I know it sucks, but I do it as a duty. You know, that moron way someone thinks?

• 12:53Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 12:54Kurt Metzger?

  Who will look down on me who knows more than them every single time. Not even to brag. It's just, that's how stupid the average voter is. That's how, what a fucking chump cow moron you are if you vote. So, yeah, of course they feel that, but what they do is put that on somebody who's smart enough to know it's bullshit and get mad at them.

• 13:14Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 13:14Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, uh, I didn't coin this phrase, but, uh, Jimmy Dore says all the time, adult children of alcoholics, that's what people who believe in American democracy are.

• 13:23Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, wow.

• 13:23Kurt Metzger?

  You know, you're upsetting father.

• 13:25Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, wow.

• 13:26Kurt Metzger?

  He's asleep.

• 13:27Duncan Trussell?

  Wow, yeah.

• 13:27Kurt Metzger?

  Shh.

• 13:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 13:29Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, it's the most Al-Anon country I've ever been to.

• 13:32Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 13:32Kurt Metzger?

  There's like a bunch of people like, hey, um, the dad's a drunk and a child molester.

• 13:37Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 13:37Kurt Metzger?

  And the rest are like, shut up. It's the midterms.

• 13:40Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, right. It's always something like that. The midterms are coming.

• 13:43Kurt Metzger?

  You sound antisemitic right now.

• 13:45Duncan Trussell?

  Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

• 13:48Kurt Metzger?

  You know dad loves Israel.

• 13:49Duncan Trussell?

  Don't say that.

• 13:51Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, that's every argument from a Democrat side for the last 10 years.

• 13:55Duncan Trussell?

  But you think.

• 13:55Kurt Metzger?

  From a Republican side, they've switched to the old Democrat one, which is shut up. Because now they have to do it because, you know, the rug pull of Trump, they have to, the same exact Democrat bullshit. They gotta act like, like shame you for noticing that the dad don't keep his promises and spends money like a drunk on everybody but the family.

• 14:14Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 14:15Kurt Metzger?

  Right?

• 14:15Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 14:16Kurt Metzger?

  So.

• 14:16Duncan Trussell?

  You're not supposed to say that.

• 14:18Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. Oh, it's, this is family. We, we are family. We protect each other and dad's evil ways.

• 14:25Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 14:25Kurt Metzger?

  And, uh, his weird friend, his weird Jewish friend, and they traffic kids together. We don't talk about that in this house. They're helping them. They're taking them to freedom camp.

• 14:35Duncan Trussell?

  But you think most people are cognizant that this is such a bullshit scam?

• 14:40Kurt Metzger?

  Is cognizant in the front of your head? It's, I think they're subconsciously aware, at least. I don't know. Most of them are not.

• 14:45Duncan Trussell?

  You don't think they're conscious? They, they.

• 14:48Kurt Metzger?

  Most people are consciously unaware, but the, well, they're consciously aware of it, uh, subconsciously aware of it, consciously not aware of it. Because it's subconscious, it drives a lot of anger because their conscience is telling them it's real.

• 15:00Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 15:00Kurt Metzger?

  And, uh, when you're not doing it, it's the same reason, uh, Tommy Talarico is talking about some dumb gender shit. Oh, your brain was just colonized to think that there's a difference between peeps and Louis. Oh, was there Tommy? You claim, claimation head motherfucker, really?

• 15:14Duncan Trussell?

  I think I have a better clip of him talking about that shit, actually.

• 15:17Kurt Metzger?

  Well, yeah, let's get a better clip. Can I hear the other guy talk? Because I'd like to hear his words on this one.

• 15:23Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. So the, the two of them aren't even arguing with each other about the same points, it sounds like.

• 15:27Duncan Trussell?

  I don't even, I, I.

• 15:28Kurt Metzger?

  A one's missing?

• 15:29Duncan Trussell?

  I've kind of been ignoring it because it's so gross, but then, um.

• 15:34Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, I'll blame Tommy Talarico.

• 15:36Duncan Trussell?

  That's kind of interesting.

• 15:36Kurt Metzger?

  He must make himself sick hearing this shit.

• 15:38Duncan Trussell?

  It is fascinating that he sort of vanished.

• 15:41Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, are we, uh, sponsored by, uh, almighty leaf, uh, brand slugs? Because, uh, that dude rules. He sent me a bunch of almighty leaves.

• 15:50Kurt Metzger?

  So I don't have to roll my own. He saw me on this show. He goes, you're rolling Delta nine with substandard leaf and sent me a big crate of some good leaf.

• 15:58Speaker 07

  James Talarico not showing up in public and cancelling all public appearances.

• 16:05Kurt Metzger?

  With his fuckers on.

• 16:05Speaker 07

  Where do you think they hid that little socialist?

• 16:08Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, God.

• 16:09Speaker 07

  The media.

• 16:10Kurt Metzger?

  How do you lose it, Tommy Talarico? This is how.

• 16:12Duncan Trussell?

  It's so embarrassing.

• 16:14Kurt Metzger?

  So this is basically what the, I don't know who runs Texas, like what dark entities run Texas.

• 16:20Duncan Trussell?

  I don't either.

• 16:21Kurt Metzger?

  But I do know they want a Brian Callen to run for governor. Do you know that?

• 16:23Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 16:24Kurt Metzger?

  Yes. Some very, very wealthy people. Callen told me when I did their show, him and Shab, which is like, I, I admire Callen for saying no to it because he knew like, well, I don't know how to. But just think of how government works that they, they sought him out.

• 16:38Duncan Trussell?

  Well, I want to, dude, hey.

• 16:41Kurt Metzger?

  Remember George W?

• 16:42Duncan Trussell?

  Trussell. I will do it. If I get, I would run for governor.

• 16:48Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 16:49Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, I'm not going to win, but it would be fun to see what that's like.

• 16:52Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. What matters is who's backing you. That's what depends because.

• 16:54Duncan Trussell?

  Get Callen's people to back me.

• 16:57Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, you don't want them. You don't want them.

• 16:58Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I do.

• 16:59Kurt Metzger?

  No, they're hardcore. Well, maybe you do.

• 17:01Duncan Trussell?

  I'll say whatever. I just want to know what it's like on the campaign trail.

• 17:04Kurt Metzger?

  I think Callen's not capable of understanding the, the rich people that he gets around.

• 17:08Duncan Trussell?

  Do you think Callen would like, like string standup dates with his campaigns or, you know, like?

• 17:15Kurt Metzger?

  Again, to Brian's credit, he was like, I'm not doing that.

• 17:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 17:19Kurt Metzger?

  Cause other people might do it.

• 17:21Duncan Trussell?

  That's crazy, man. Getting sucked into politics is such a mistake.

• 17:26Kurt Metzger?

  But he's a guy that doesn't, and I know him and he's wrong about almost everything he ever says regarding that. Oh dude, I, I cast him in the pilot. Yo, listen, the pilot and the pilot's coming up really far. I'm, I'm pretty happy with it, dude.

• 17:39Duncan Trussell?

  That's great, man.

• 17:40Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. Oh, except.

• 17:41Duncan Trussell?

  You've been working so hard on it.

• 17:43Kurt Metzger?

  Well, in spurts, uh, uh, but he's so perfect as the main guy. It's like, talk about my Steve Carell. Uh, dude, I, I just can't describe how good he is as a guy. And that's like, they want that guy in real life. They want a George W., Ed Sheeran, they want a Jake Paul.

• 18:00Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 18:01Kurt Metzger?

  Hunter Biden.

• 18:02Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 18:02Kurt Metzger?

  We already know he's running because of the rug pull he did on that kid with the bad skin that you're like, would that guy do the show?

• 18:07Duncan Trussell?

  Who?

• 18:08Kurt Metzger?

  Um, uh, what's his fucking name? Call, uh, Callahan?

• 18:12Speaker 04

  Andrew Callahan?

• 18:13Kurt Metzger?

  Andrew Callahan?

• 18:14Duncan Trussell?

  Andrew, I, I don't know.

• 18:16Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, we should get him. I mean, I don't know. He's not mad that I mentioned his skin, right? I mean, guys are grown men.

• 18:20Duncan Trussell?

  Probably mad.

• 18:21Kurt Metzger?

  Just get looked at.

• 18:21Speaker 04

  Maybe just hit like a quick apology or something and then.

• 18:24Duncan Trussell?

  Say you're sorry right now.

• 18:24Kurt Metzger?

  I'm a doc, hey, this doctor shot's talking. I can help you out. Yo. Let me get a few of you, dude. I'll clear your shit right up.

• 18:31Duncan Trussell?

  It is a cheap dig.

• 18:33Kurt Metzger?

  No, it's not. It's a, I'm tired of people saying.

• 18:35Duncan Trussell?

  To attack someone's skin?

• 18:37Kurt Metzger?

  It's an attack. It's an attack. It's doc, I'm a qualified doctor and I, and you'll, all over YouTube and Instagram.

• 18:43Duncan Trussell?

  He's got acne. What do you want?

• 18:45Kurt Metzger?

  Why don't you take them? Look, there is ways to help that. Why don't you get on birth control?

• 18:49Duncan Trussell?

  You, he's a man.

• 18:51Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, well, should work even better then.

• 18:54Duncan Trussell?

  Uh, you're the doctor? I don't know, man.

• 18:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I am. Thank you for acknowledging that.

• 18:57Duncan Trussell?

  Sorry. So I didn't know.

• 18:58Kurt Metzger?

  And Dr. Drew's not here to protect you and your bullshit.

• 19:01Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't know. I'm not asking for Dr. Drew to protect me.

• 19:04Kurt Metzger?

  You can't run to Dr. Drew's skirts no more because he didn't show up. And now I'm talking about, uh, young Napoleon Dynamite here, the reporter.

• 19:13Duncan Trussell?

  You should not have attacked his skin. That was, when you did it.

• 19:16Kurt Metzger?

  I said, you'd think once you get some money.

• 19:17Duncan Trussell?

  I thought that was a low blow and I didn't speak up.

• 19:21Kurt Metzger?

  I was, I, I'm saying, once you have some money, you would think, you know, you would think you might invest a little bit at dermatologist. I'm just saying as a doctor.

• 19:30Duncan Trussell?

  Maybe he doesn't want to spend that money on his skin.

• 19:33Kurt Metzger?

  Or like a suit, maybe, maybe not do this, uh.

• 19:34Duncan Trussell?

  Maybe he knows he's more than just his body.

• 19:36Kurt Metzger?

  The, you know, the suit of Tiny Tim.

• 19:38Duncan Trussell?

  Maybe he knows he's a spirit soul.

• 19:40Kurt Metzger?

  Maybe you don't wear the same suit as Tiny Tim when you go do your reporting too. I, it's just a suggestion.

• 19:43Duncan Trussell?

  Maybe you should just let people be who they are for once.

• 19:46Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I'd like to, but that's why I'm a doctor and you're a fucking dipshit.

• 19:59Duncan Trussell?

  BlueChew is the official sponsor of the Mystery Boys. You know what else BlueChew should sponsor? That look your girl gives me when she's ready for another round. And all the texts you send your neighbors that say, sorry for the noise, but Duncan's banging down my girl. BlueChew, the official sponsor of your downstairs neighbors banging on the ceiling because I'm banging on your mom. That's right. BlueChew Gold is making bedrooms noisy again with four powerful ingredients. Two for blood flow and two for arousal. Enter into a new era of stress-free sex with the number one brand for better sex. No in-person doctor visits, no waiting rooms, just a simple online process.

• 20:43Duncan Trussell?

  And bam, I'll be blowing bedposts out like never before. Banging down your lady, banging down your mom, banging down your man. All thanks to BlueChew. Experience it yourself at bluechew.com. And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Right now, when you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third free with promo code Mystery. That's promo code Mystery. You will also receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. Let me see, yeah, I like that. I look at, oh, I forgot my pimple stars.

• 21:29Duncan Trussell?

  I, oh, dude, hold on, we gotta scrap this whole episode. I got it, I got the Talarico thing for you to watch. Hang on, I'm sending it right now.

• 21:38Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, do you guys, I saw Bobby Lee have one of those stars on his face talking to someone.

• 21:42Duncan Trussell?

  No, he did not.

• 21:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, he did. He was talking to Tim Dillon about being in.

• 21:46Duncan Trussell?

  You know, they're medicated.

• 21:47Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, no, I ordered them.

• 21:48Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't know that, I thought they were just stickers.

• 21:50Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, I ordered them in bright colors so it looks the same problem as it.

• 21:53Duncan Trussell?

  They've got medicine, why are you so cruel to people who have skin problems?

• 22:04Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck, man?

• 22:10Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, wait.

• 22:15Duncan Trussell?

  This is so mean.

• 22:17Kurt Metzger?

  I look at it, you gotta be cruel, be kind, and you know, it's, you gotta scrub it down. Scrub it down.

• 22:33Kurt Metzger?

  Guys, great idea.

• 22:37Kurt Metzger?

  Once again, great setup of the props to plan around my enormous size. Good job.

• 22:48Kurt Metzger?

  I just turned the seat and it's knocked over. What the fuck is it? Oh.

• 23:01Kurt Metzger?

  It's okay, I got it. Hold on.

• 23:05Kurt Metzger?

  I got it. I got, I got it.

• 23:14Kurt Metzger?

  All right, all right. I was fucking.

• 23:20Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, well, you guys really set yourself up like fucking assholes. You gotta get your skin cleaned, all you. Sorry.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  Y'all look gay. I'm not gay, you're gay bitch. What did you just call me? What's that, you little gay ass queen? I called you gay because you're a gay ass bitch. What bitch? Oh, shut up. Y'all are both a couple of lil candy ass lil catty queers. Oh, shut up bitch, y'all are gay. Bitch, don't be calling me gay. You're the only fruity patootie I see down there. You and your lil old Korean power bottom. Oh, shut up bitch, y'all are gay. Bitch, don't be calling me gay. This is just gay as hell.

• 24:11Kurt Metzger?

  Sorry if there's a little bit of a truth bomb from Doctor Shots.

• 24:16Duncan Trussell?

  God damn.

• 24:22Kurt Metzger?

  Was that a credit thing? I got great credit, I'm a doctor. All right, let's get back to hearing these guys talk about Israel.

• 24:26Duncan Trussell?

  Did you get the thing I sent you, you guys?

• 24:30Duncan Trussell?

  Unnecessarily.

• 24:32Kurt Metzger?

  Enough.

• 24:37Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, wait, go ahead.

• 24:43Kurt Metzger?

  And so, but why are you so cruel about skin? I don't have a good answer.

• 24:48Speaker 06

  Something that you love, that's not.

• 24:50Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, this, watch this, watch this.

• 24:51Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, God. Me and the legal adult in mine while I do it as a doctor.

• 24:55Speaker 06

  Something that you love, that's not family or friends.

• 25:00Speaker 05

  I love, I'm just saying this because it's on my mind, the trans children who showed up yesterday at the state Capitol.

• 25:09Kurt Metzger?

  Don't say that, I mean, it sounds like.

• 25:09Speaker 05

  To advocate for their humanity, they shouldn't have to, but it was an inspiration.

• 25:13Kurt Metzger?

  Rewind, I talked over it because I couldn't believe what just went in my head. Went into my ear hole.

• 25:17Speaker 05

  It's because it's on my mind, the trans children who.

• 25:23Kurt Metzger?

  The trans children, how old are they? Tommy Talarico.

• 25:25Duncan Trussell?

  Trans children are on his mind.

• 25:30Duncan Trussell?

  I mean.

• 25:32Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, did they come up with this guy to force the, the Israel guy to win? Who's totally not a likable? Because honestly, God, like.

• 25:41Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know.

• 25:41Kurt Metzger?

  First of all, why is she asking that question? What do you love? Will you play that again?

• 25:45Duncan Trussell?

  No, it's.

• 25:46Kurt Metzger?

  No, no, play it again, I just want to hear the question. And, and just play the whole thing.

• 25:50Speaker 06

  Something that you love, that's not family or friends.

• 25:53Kurt Metzger?

  Stop it right there. Who gives a shit? Like, why would you ask that question?

• 25:58Duncan Trussell?

  Well, why don't you ask me that question?

• 26:00Kurt Metzger?

  Well, because you're not running for governor.

• 26:01Duncan Trussell?

  Ask me the question.

• 26:02Kurt Metzger?

  But you're not running for.

• 26:03Duncan Trussell?

  Just please ask.

• 26:04Kurt Metzger?

  What is something you love besides family and friends?

• 26:07Duncan Trussell?

  The grateful death.

• 26:14Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Y'all look gay as hell.

• 26:39Kurt Metzger?

  That's all he had to say, right?

• 26:41Duncan Trussell?

  There's so many things you could say, like squirrels, good oysters, like fresh.

• 26:47Kurt Metzger?

  Well, my question is, who is the woman? Can you go back to that clip? Because I'm just trying to understand why you would ask a candidate for governor. Who is this bitch?

• 26:53Speaker 06

  Something that you love.

• 26:55Kurt Metzger?

  So that, this question is so inane that it has to be so he could say, I love the trans children. Now, I just want to say, trans children, what does that mean?

• 27:05Duncan Trussell?

  What do you mean, what is it?

• 27:06Kurt Metzger?

  Are those kids with tits?

• 27:08Duncan Trussell?

  I think it means kids with gender dysphoria.

• 27:11Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so that means, but, but what stage, can we see the kids he met? Is that them?

• 27:17Duncan Trussell?

  He's not gonna show.

• 27:18Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it looks like they're them, right there.

• 27:20Duncan Trussell?

  He's not gonna show the trans kids.

• 27:21Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, they just did, go back, go back.

• 27:24Speaker 04

  No, I just Googled trans kids, but this, this right here is from.

• 27:28Kurt Metzger?

  I don't want to see the people against it, I want to know what trans kids he met with.

• 27:31Speaker 04

  No, this isn't the people, these are the people at the state Capitol he was mentioning in the video.

• 27:37Kurt Metzger?

  Ginseng and Delta Nine, give you pep, gets, gets Doctor Shots through a tough day of surgery.

• 27:45Kurt Metzger?

  I work at Planned Parenthood, I'm kind of a reverse Patch Adams, if you will. Okay.

• 27:56Duncan Trussell?

  God, it's strong.

• 28:01Kurt Metzger?

  You know, one of the worst things with Planned Parenthood is when we lose a patient.

• 28:11Kurt Metzger?

  You know, some of these women go home with, you know, full intact babies and we, I take that personally every time it happens.

• 28:20Kurt Metzger?

  I understand, we did all the prescribed.

• 28:21Duncan Trussell?

  Doctor Shots, you work at Planned Parenthood?

• 28:24Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I'm, you know, they'll go, I understand, we did everything right, we performed abortion, we gave abortifacient medications, but this kid is still alive. And I go, you're not looking at the spiritual element of it.

• 28:37Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 28:38Kurt Metzger?

  Okay? You're not looking at the killing power of laughter.

• 28:41Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, that's so beautiful.

• 28:43Kurt Metzger?

  And shots, now who wants shots? And I go to every patient, I go, have a shot.

• 28:47Duncan Trussell?

  That's so cool.

• 28:48Kurt Metzger?

  I don't need shots, I'm about to go in and get a weird procedure done that, that I'm not really sure how I feel about it. Well, that's why you need some shots.

• 28:54Duncan Trussell?

  That's so sweet, that's so, you're such a, you're such an inspiration to me, Doctor Shots.

• 29:00Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I used to do a clown nose, but it actually made them like more pregnant somehow? I, I don't get it. Yeah, but shots will do the trick.

• 29:10Duncan Trussell?

  So you were just going to.

• 29:11Kurt Metzger?

  Call that a Ukrainian late, late term, okay, never mind.

• 29:19Kurt Metzger?

  Lot vodka.

• 29:20Duncan Trussell?

  Look, this is an epic specialist. There's a job opening.

• 29:26Kurt Metzger?

  Where?

• 29:26Duncan Trussell?

  Fifty-four, is it fifty-four, thirty-four, fifty-four K a year.

• 29:31Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know I'm also a qualified pub dealer?

• 29:34Duncan Trussell?

  Epic specialist. Based remote with some travel as needed to Ann Arbor. What do they, Planned Parenthood of Michigan has implemented a mandatory vaccination policy, of course.

• 29:46Duncan Trussell?

  To maintain data integrity. This is, actually looks pretty interesting.

• 29:51Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know what you're talking about. I'm sorry, I was getting a-

• 29:53Duncan Trussell?

  It's a job.

• 29:55Kurt Metzger?

  Oh shit, I'm sorry. I'm just, I'm sorry, I'm distracted. Uh, one of my-

• 29:59Duncan Trussell?

  What happened?

• 30:00Kurt Metzger?

  One of my patients, she had a healthy child.

• 30:03Duncan Trussell?

  I'm sorry, dude. You can't kill them all, man.

• 30:07Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, I took her to Six Flags. I, uh, I gave her shots.

• 30:10Duncan Trussell?

  Speaking of like failed abortions, can we pull up that woman in Tennessee? This is pretty interesting. You know about this?

• 30:16Kurt Metzger?

  Tanner, you have the ones I sent, right? Because I know, I know Duncan's gonna wanna get to the bottom of this.

• 30:21Duncan Trussell?

  What is it? The woman who got the-

• 30:23Kurt Metzger?

  I sent it to the Tanner office line that he said to send it to.

• 30:29Duncan Trussell?

  Krista Pike botched lethal injection and is in a Nashville hospital recovering. Isn't that crazy?

• 30:36Kurt Metzger?

  Who the hell's that?

• 30:36Duncan Trussell?

  Tennessee is so inept that they can't kill-

• 30:40Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, yes. Um, that, they got me for that. I told them to hire me for that and they didn't want to. And now look, she's alive.

• 30:48Duncan Trussell?

  They wanted you for that. What would you have done? Like, what did, what did they do wrong here?

• 30:52Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, um, first of all, do you know the actual details? It's insane. This is the fifth botched execution. I'm not making that up.

• 31:00Duncan Trussell?

  In Tennessee?

• 31:01Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, the guy who's in charge has just been botched. The guy botches right or left. They should call him Doctor Botch. Cause he fucked up.

• 31:08Duncan Trussell?

  But it, how can you fuck it up?

• 31:10Kurt Metzger?

  Um, the thing that says dashy, uh, Tanner? I sent this- Oh.

• 31:16Speaker 04

  No, don't say that number, no.

• 31:37Kurt Metzger?

  Is that mother, your mother's number?

• 31:38Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 31:38Kurt Metzger?

  So anyway, Krista Pike, they couldn't, the problem with this, uh, I don't know why they do lethal injection other than because the, the chemicals aren't made anymore to do it.

• 31:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 31:46Kurt Metzger?

  It always was a horrible painful death up there with the gas chamber.

• 31:50Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 31:50Kurt Metzger?

  Um, not, a lot of people are, are drug addicts that get the death penalty, it turns out. You can't find their fucking veins. So they couldn't find her vein. She had small veins. I think her lawyers argued in court it would be cruel because she's one of these people where you can't find the vein.

• 32:05Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 32:06Kurt Metzger?

  Um, the chemical they use now, I'm not sure, but the one they were talking about using, if I'm thinking of the right one, was basically like giving you the bends. It looked, sounded like, like carbonating you to death. I don't know if that's the one they were using on her. Okay, now-

• 32:20Speaker 04

  This one right here, Kurt?

• 32:20Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, okay. So, um, they completely fucked that up. Um, uh, it's kinda like a Shawshank Redemption.

• 32:28Duncan Trussell?

  How so?

• 32:30Kurt Metzger?

  Um, remember the guy fucked the execution up in the beginning? He, he didn't wet the sponge?

• 32:34Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:34Kurt Metzger?

  So the guy's head caught fire?

• 32:35Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah. So it's like that. They just wanted her to suffer. Uh, well, because she, she apparently burnt her arm up.

• 32:45Kurt Metzger?

  The guy in charge of the execution specifically is completely incompetent, apparently. Um, the chemicals, they had no way to know if they were good or not. Like, even if they had hit a vein, it might have not-

• 32:55Duncan Trussell?

  Look, I don't mean to be-

• 32:56Kurt Metzger?

  As a guy that's trying to help not save life, it bothers me.

• 32:59Duncan Trussell?

  Couldn't you just theoretically put a plastic bag on her head and then like tie the bag off?

• 33:05Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, that's the first thing I do. And have you had medical training? That's the first thing I do.

• 33:08Duncan Trussell?

  No, I just instinct-

• 33:10Kurt Metzger?

  You're a natural. You are a natural because that's exactly what they teach you to do. And you just said it. And that's, I'm actually pretty-

• 33:15Duncan Trussell?

  Cause you run out of air. Plastic bag I've seen in movies.

• 33:18Kurt Metzger?

  I'm very impressed with you. You just, that came to you, honestly.

• 33:21Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 33:22Kurt Metzger?

  Have you thought about becoming a doctor?

• 33:24Duncan Trussell?

  Not until just a second.

• 33:25Kurt Metzger?

  I've never said this to anyone before, but I think you should really consider dropping everything you're doing and becoming a doctor.

• 33:30Duncan Trussell?

  Well, cause also what about, like, you could take a dagger and shove it into her heart?

• 33:36Kurt Metzger?

  Well,

• 33:38Kurt Metzger?

  I think that, I think the issue with that is then you get into like, you know, these, and I know it's crazy, but these broads have fans.

• 33:46Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 33:47Kurt Metzger?

  And then you get into this romanticism and parasocial relation.

• 33:50Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 33:50Kurt Metzger?

  It was very symbolic to do that. And then you're gonna have copycats. Oh, I'm gonna stab my heart because the beautiful woman I love-

• 33:57Duncan Trussell?

  I see.

• 33:57Kurt Metzger?

  You know, went out that way.

• 33:59Duncan Trussell?

  But it's, okay, so not a person, but you could just have like a machine. It's like, it's a board or something that's got a dagger on an end and you press a button and the board goes down and stabs into the heart. So it's more like the electric chair, like-

• 34:13Kurt Metzger?

  Kinda like the game Mousetrap.

• 34:14Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:16Kurt Metzger?

  So you've got, it's kind of like a, a Shabbos Goy set up executioner. So you're not, you don't get your hands dirty.

• 34:21Duncan Trussell?

  Exactly. You could have five buttons, different winners throughout Tennessee get to press the button and only one of them activates the dagger.

• 34:28Kurt Metzger?

  You know, that's a lot of profound philosophical questions that you're raising with this whole idea because it's like, okay. Is there a God, right? And you think about the, the dominos to make that board go down and hit, hit that bitch right in her fucking murderous heart.

• 34:42Duncan Trussell?

  Right in the heart.

• 34:43Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, but did anyone kill her? Did it just happen? But some, like, somebody pushes the first domino no matter what.

• 34:49Duncan Trussell?

  Right, like, yeah, we didn't start the fire.

• 34:52Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I mean, how far back do you wanna take it? Is it like, uh, uh, there's a point where the doc, she both did get hit with the board of the nail and did not get hit with the over the nail.

• 35:00Duncan Trussell?

  Schroeder's dagger.

• 35:02Kurt Metzger?

  And I don't know how to look at the situation without collapsing that wave function and, and causing one or the other to be true, is all I'm saying.

• 35:08Duncan Trussell?

  Doctor Shots, I guess the real question is, what do we do now? She survived a botched execution. She was brain dead, so technically they did kill her.

• 35:17Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, hey, I'm gonna make a guarantee. Wait, which, let me look right in the camera there.

• 35:23Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, is it on me? Cause I see it's not on me. Okay.

• 35:28Speaker 04

  It's on you.

• 35:29Kurt Metzger?

  A better, it had better be because it's important. You better believe this is important.

• 35:32Speaker 04

  Hey, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, it's on you now.

• 35:34Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, you know a bitch that you want dead? Or you wanna be dead? Are you a bitch and wants to be dead? And, and I don't care, bitch man or woman, you wanna be dead? You party one night with Doctor Shots, you're, you're not waking up. How about a nice party with Doctor Shots? How about that? Hey, uh, uh, how would you like to be executed? Let's pretend you're on trial. What's her name again? Would you say your name was?

• 36:00Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 36:00Kurt Metzger?

  Sir?

• 36:01Duncan Trussell?

  Listen.

• 36:02Kurt Metzger?

  What's your name?

• 36:03Duncan Trussell?

  What is this?

• 36:04Kurt Metzger?

  Well, no, cause I just wanna give you a setup, a scenario. What's your name again?

• 36:07Duncan Trussell?

  Uh, I can't remember what name it was.

• 36:08Kurt Metzger?

  What was his name? Anyone?

• 36:13Duncan Trussell?

  Look, let's just come up with a new name. Lectern, my name's Lectern Doyle.

• 36:17Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. Okay, Lectern Doyle. You stand convicted of, uh, aggravated murder. That's even worse than regular murder.

• 36:27Duncan Trussell?

  That's your opinion, man?

• 36:29Kurt Metzger?

  No, with the conviction, the trial happened. So, I mean, you stand convicted of that.

• 36:33Duncan Trussell?

  I hear you.

• 36:33Kurt Metzger?

  And that indicates premeditation to the jury that you are gonna get the death penalty. Now, in this state, in this state, Tommy Tellarico's Texas.

• 36:40Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 36:41Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, you get to decide what gender you wanna die as first, before anything. What gender?

• 36:48Duncan Trussell?

  I'm going out as a man.

• 36:49Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, that's up to you. It's not my business. Okay.

• 36:52Duncan Trussell?

  Well, you asked.

• 36:53Kurt Metzger?

  Now, as a man, how you wanna be?

• 36:59Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God.

• 37:01Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 37:02Kurt Metzger?

  A patient I was worried about, but she did have the abortion. Okay. Boy, that is a relief.

• 37:06Duncan Trussell?

  That's gotta be wild to live, like, in that, in that suspense.

• 37:09Kurt Metzger?

  I thought I was gonna have to get Doctor Shots' grabber out and get the rest of that out of there.

• 37:12Duncan Trussell?

  Holy shit. Is that what that's for?

• 37:15Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I mean, multi-purpose, you know, I don't, I don't just, I'm not a rich doctor. I, I don't have like multiple grabbers. Okay, so, would you rather have me fiddle around for a vein in your fat, fat, matronly, older woman arms?

• 37:30Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 37:31Kurt Metzger?

  A vein that I will never find and your arm just gets even fat, the arm fat that wasn't good to begin with now is getting even worse. Okay, so that's a whole other operation and you're not dead.

• 37:41Duncan Trussell?

  Why don't you just blow my brains out?

• 37:45Kurt Metzger?

  And that brings me to choice B. You wanna party with Doctor Shots?

• 37:49Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 37:50Kurt Metzger?

  I'll blow your brains out.

• 37:52Duncan Trussell?

  Why do we have to prolong this?

• 37:54Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, you'll want to prolong it, trust me. It's a party, man.

• 37:58Duncan Trussell?

  Doctor Shots.

• 38:00Kurt Metzger?

  Listen, how many people you know that went out partying that were executed?

• 38:03Duncan Trussell?

  So you're kind of like the fun, what was the name of that doctor? The, the suicide doctor?

• 38:08Speaker 04

  Kevorkian?

• 38:09Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you're like the fun Kevorkian.

• 38:11Kurt Metzger?

  And I, and I know, Pete, this is like controversial, but I never found him fun. Never, never made me laugh once.

• 38:18Duncan Trussell?

  You Matt Kevorkian?

• 38:20Kurt Metzger?

  I know, yeah. Oh, he's such a pioneer, but I never thought he was funny, dude.

• 38:24Duncan Trussell?

  So you're kinda like him, but you, you take people out for one final fun night? That's, that's like, I would watch that movie.

• 38:34Kurt Metzger?

  And sometimes that final fun, that party?

• 38:36Duncan Trussell?

  It's like a series. It's like Highway to Heaven.

• 38:38Kurt Metzger?

  Here's the great, and I just mean on a legal level, okay? When you come to John O. Shots, Jonathan Shots.

• 38:46Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, this is the greatest TV series of all time.

• 38:49Kurt Metzger?

  Shots, yeah.

• 38:50Duncan Trussell?

  No, hold on.

• 38:51Kurt Metzger?

  Doctor Shots, this woman's baby is going to survive inside of her. Can you come in and, and do your material?

• 38:59Duncan Trussell?

  You're like a hitchhiking doctor.

• 39:01Kurt Metzger?

  Hi, I go to the next.

• 39:04Duncan Trussell?

  You're a hitchhiking doctor.

• 39:04Kurt Metzger?

  I hitchhiked to a different Planned Parenthood.

• 39:06Duncan Trussell?

  It's like highway to heaven.

• 39:07Kurt Metzger?

  It's like Jack Reacher a little bit too.

• 39:08Duncan Trussell?

  You end up in different towns.

• 39:09Kurt Metzger?

  In a way, I'm like Reacher, if you like that show, Reacher.

• 39:13Duncan Trussell?

  People who want to kill themselves, people who can't afford abortion.

• 39:17Kurt Metzger?

  Hey.

• 39:17Duncan Trussell?

  And you like help them.

• 39:19Kurt Metzger?

  I'm not here to tell you how to die. I'm here, I'm here to. Show you a good motherfucking time. Okay, yeah.

• 39:27Duncan Trussell?

  It's the best series ever.

• 39:28Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, yeah, Dr. Shots, yeah, I wear all black except for my lab coat. My silver ass reflective glasses and my sparkly stethoscope.

• 39:37Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, man.

• 39:39Kurt Metzger?

  Doctor, yeah, um, that was a prototype of the, from the show, Dr. Shots. I don't think that guy looks like me. So that's why we need to go with that. I have final call. By the way, this property of Dr. Shots, my life story. Um, I have full rights to it. So that's why you, you, that's why you're not gonna see what they did to Chris Hansen. You're not gonna see him do that to Dr. Shots.

• 39:57Duncan Trussell?

  It's just, can't you see it? Like, Dr. Shots, he gets picked up. He's like on a, on a highway, gets picked up by this old man, he's like.

• 40:05Kurt Metzger?

  I just follow where I'm needed.

• 40:06Duncan Trussell?

  Ugh, complaining about his back. My back hurts so bad and I'm, just got diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

• 40:13Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, well, uh, take a hit of this flask and tell me all about it, brother.

• 40:17Duncan Trussell?

  And that's the beginning. And then like you basically like kill the old man.

• 40:20Kurt Metzger?

  What is that? Oh, that's, um, alcohol I made for Annie Freeze, like in that movie, The Master.

• 40:25Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, what's that gonna do?

• 40:26Kurt Metzger?

  There, you see The Master?

• 40:27Duncan Trussell?

  My back, man.

• 40:28Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well, first I try to really explain The Master to them. Have you seen that, The Master, sir?

• 40:31Duncan Trussell?

  No, I usually just watch Fox News.

• 40:34Kurt Metzger?

  It's, uh, Joaquin Phoenix. Let me tell you, Philip Seymour Hoffman, one of his fa- but final roles, and, uh, I partied with him, if you know what I'm saying. And I guess who he partied with? Uh, and anyway, the guy mixes up Joaquin Phoenix's character. He has a hair lip. That's one thing I think is really great about him. He has like a weird scar. So I guess he's fucked up about it. Then Philip Seymour Hoffman plays, um, a fat gay guy or something. And then.

• 41:01Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, Dr. Shots, could you suck my dick while I'm driving?

• 41:05Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, you're delirious. Uh, here, hold on. Hold on, Dr. Shots.

• 41:10Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Shots.

• 41:11Kurt Metzger?

  And you know what's great? The stuff that I feed them.

• 41:12Duncan Trussell?

  You haven't heard of Roadhead?

• 41:14Kurt Metzger?

  Can I tell you something great? Uh, this, what I just fed you from straight out of the movie.

• 41:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 41:19Kurt Metzger?

  The Master, um, I could just, not even stroke, just clumsily pinch at your cock with this. And you'll think you're being blown by an angel.

• 41:29Duncan Trussell?

  I would like that.

• 41:30Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, of course you would. You've been poisoned, you fool. I poisoned the shit out of you.

• 41:33Duncan Trussell?

  See, this is a great series. We need to tighten it up a little bit.

• 41:35Kurt Metzger?

  I tell them as they're dying how I've, um, poisoned them. Like, you know, it looks like, oh, we're just partying and maybe it's an accident, right?

• 41:43Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 41:43Kurt Metzger?

  And that's how it looks in the world of the show. But to you, the viewer, you know.

• 41:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 41:47Kurt Metzger?

  That Dr. Shots did this to you. And now you're inside of me forever.

• 41:51Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that part. That's, you absorbed them?

• 41:55Kurt Metzger?

  You know, Dr. Shots, yeah, is he doing it to help people? Sure, but also. A piece of you lives on inside of Dr. Shots.

• 42:00Duncan Trussell?

  That's cool. So everyone Dr. Shots kills becomes a cast member.

• 42:05Kurt Metzger?

  And in, yes, and inside they're like, they call, they call for more. I just fed you. Guys, I just gave you new roommates. We are alone.

• 42:12Duncan Trussell?

  I love it. Uh, it's, it's kinda like.

• 42:15Kurt Metzger?

  Give us more of the soul essence. I look in their eyes as they die of partying with Dr. Shots.

• 42:19Duncan Trussell?

  Great. Dr. Shots.

• 42:20Kurt Metzger?

  It's got everything. Romance, drama.

• 42:25Duncan Trussell?

  It's Gabby's dollhouse, but with people that you've executed.

• 42:29Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I, I didn't. They partied, okay? Kevorkian, see, now I think Kevorkian, that guy, I mean, I would have died just sitting looking at his face as he's getting a needle out. If that motherfucker came in my house and got out a needle.

• 42:42Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 42:43Kurt Metzger?

  Um, and, and look at him. My God.

• 42:45Duncan Trussell?

  It just doesn't seem fun.

• 42:47Kurt Metzger?

  He looks like, um, if, like a Lance Henriksen.

• 42:50Duncan Trussell?

  Doesn't seem fun. But you know, Kevorkian, where, where are the Kevorkians?

• 42:55Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know, that's not, uh, he was never sentenced to that. That is how he comes.

• 42:58Duncan Trussell?

  How many, how many people did Kevorkian help cross over?

• 43:03Kurt Metzger?

  In Japan, because I'm, I'm looking, this is starting to become a Ja- a Japanese pornography now.

• 43:07Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 43:09Kurt Metzger?

  Which, by the way, if you want that at your last party, we can get that.

• 43:19Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, man. Anyway, you gotta feed Dr. Shots some souls.

• 43:23Duncan Trussell?

  So Dr. Shots.

• 43:24Kurt Metzger?

  I wander, I'm not doing this for money. Dr. Shots.

• 43:27Duncan Trussell?

  You have this like.

• 43:27Kurt Metzger?

  Don't kill for money.

• 43:28Duncan Trussell?

  A council of people who.

• 43:30Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my God. Now that.

• 43:32Duncan Trussell?

  That's what I'm talking, that's it.

• 43:36Kurt Metzger?

  And I like how they got my accurate height of five nine. I can see from here.

• 43:41Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, I like the AI. Sometimes AI will be like.

• 43:48Kurt Metzger?

  How tall is Dr. Shots? Five nine?

• 43:55Kurt Metzger?

  Do you ever tell girls you're shorter than you are to make your dick look bigger?

• 44:08Kurt Metzger?

  I tell girls I'm three feet tall so that it, it looks bigger.

• 44:13Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Dr. Shots, you know, I liked it. What I like is that you decided to find the original trade paperback that the show is based on.

• 44:21Duncan Trussell?

  I can hear the theme song, man.

• 44:22Kurt Metzger?

  I appreciate that, uh.

• 44:23Duncan Trussell?

  I can hear it. I can hear the theme song.

• 44:25Kurt Metzger?

  What's the theme song? It's the Nash song in reverse with devil sounds?

• 44:28Duncan Trussell?

  Sax, it's saxophones and like.

• 44:31Kurt Metzger?

  Like David Lynch bullshit?

• 44:34Duncan Trussell?

  No, I think it's more like Americana, but with saxophones, you know, like it's an Americana show. It's like the spirit of America is a nomadic abortionist who also helps people commit suicide.

• 44:45Kurt Metzger?

  The phrase Kabbalah doctor typically refers to figures who blend Jewish mystical traditions. Oh, you know, here's the thing, and this is the wild thing about Dr. Shots. He's not Jewish. It's kind of like a Better Call Saul situation.

• 44:59Kurt Metzger?

  You know, he knows people will accept, um, a Jewish baby killing doctor better than a regular guy. So he, he took the name Shots.

• 45:08Duncan Trussell?

  Shots.

• 45:09Kurt Metzger?

  You know, like people are like, oh, what are you, an Irishman? I don't want you to do my abortion.

• 45:14Duncan Trussell?

  Um.

• 45:15Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, no thanks. I don't need an Irishman doing my taxes or my abortions.

• 45:18Duncan Trussell?

  Hyman Shiper.

• 45:21Kurt Metzger?

  Shipper?

• 45:22Duncan Trussell?

  Hyman Shipper. Uh, my shipment of Hyman's is a rhyme.

• 45:27Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I just realized that you were trying to do a polite Robert Reich reading, like Robert Reich.

• 45:32Duncan Trussell?

  Hyman Shipper?

• 45:33Kurt Metzger?

  Hyman M. Shiper? No, it's Hyman Shipper.

• 45:36Duncan Trussell?

  Shipper, Hyman Shipper.

• 45:38Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, now he's, that's a different thing. He's a gynecologist.

• 45:41Duncan Trussell?

  My daddy was a Hyman Shipper.

• 45:43Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well, remember when we had, um, Juan, Juan, the homunculi, the foremost homunculus expert?

• 45:48Duncan Trussell?

  I forget.

• 45:49Kurt Metzger?

  We had him on, he was talking about the African, uh, endangered penis trade. Remember, they had those missing kids and they captured 200 sacks of penises?

• 45:56Duncan Trussell?

  I remember that.

• 45:57Kurt Metzger?

  And we couldn't figure out why those stories were related? And I think we settled on, somebody bought a shipment of kids with a shipment of endangered animal penises? That was the currency?

• 46:07Duncan Trussell?

  You know, man.

• 46:08Kurt Metzger?

  How many de-

• 46:10Duncan Trussell?

  Speaking of fucking with.

• 46:11Kurt Metzger?

  I have five right now, so he's deek.

• 46:13Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, I, I went to see, I saw that movie about the Dateline guy.

• 46:18Kurt Metzger?

  Who's that?

• 46:18Duncan Trussell?

  To catch a predator guy. I went to see that movie.

• 46:20Kurt Metzger?

  Yes. Before we watch that movie, I'm so glad you brought, yes, primetime. I'm glad you brought that up.

• 46:25Duncan Trussell?

  Primetime.

• 46:25Kurt Metzger?

  Can we go to the rainbow, uh, Tanner, the, um, the one who sent the office of the guy? Because you've talked about now, you being a natural born doctor, you're gonna wanna take this case.

• 46:36Duncan Trussell?

  This is.

• 46:37Kurt Metzger?

  Not this. Okay, there he is with the, hot take.

• 46:42Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, make that big? This talking about how horrible generative. What the fuck? So-called leftists talking about how horrible generative AI is because it's bad for the environment. And I think it's disgusting. As you may know, I myself am disabled. I suffer from multiple disabilities. But for the sake of this video, I'm only going to be mentioning two in particular, autism and ADHD. It's common knowledge that we all need to experience pleasure. That's enough, buddy. Because of my autism and the way my brain.

• 47:19Kurt Metzger?

  Go back, go back, go back. I'm sorry. I got caught up in that. He decided with his many disabilities, he's only gonna tell you two of them. And when you hear those two, you're like, you know what? I don't need to hear any of your other disabilities, right?

• 47:31Duncan Trussell?

  Those are the two he picked, autism, ADHD.

• 47:35Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I, I can't, well, you can't pick out what fucking plush animal to jerk off on? All right, go back a little bit.

• 47:40Duncan Trussell?

  I like his shirt.

• 47:41Kurt Metzger?

  Go back a little bit.

• 47:42Duncan Trussell?

  Ball pit.

• 47:43Kurt Metzger?

  Well, yeah, I, I thought that too, but no. Don't get ahead of the, the mystery, because that's part of it. Don't think it's not.

• 47:50Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, okay.

• 47:51Kurt Metzger?

  Press play, but just go back a little bit on it because I, I, we missed, I'm sorry. It's just, I, it's really emotional, this thing for me.

• 47:57Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, this guy, you worked up, Dr. Shots.

• 47:59Kurt Metzger?

  I came in fired up on this. Can you, uh, just go to the beginning? Just, uh, everybody shut up. Shut up, Tanner, let it play.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 48:10Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, play.

• 48:15Kurt Metzger?

  So-called leftists talking about how horrible generative AI is because it's bad for the environment. And I think it's disgusting. As you may know, I myself am disabled. I suffer from multiple disabilities. But for the sake of this video, I'm only going to be mentioning two in particular, autism and ADHD. It's common knowledge that we all need to experience pleasure. Because of my autism and the way my brain hyper focuses on extremely specific things. Vanilla stuff just doesn't do it for me. Oh, no. I am someone with extremely niche tastes. Oh. To be specific, I am a huge enjoyer of Rule 34.

• 49:00Kurt Metzger?

  Of Agumba and Koopa from Mario. You know.

• 49:04Speaker 06

  Doing it. You may be thinking, why don't you just draw it yourself?

• 49:08Kurt Metzger?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:09Speaker 06

  Well, I have ADHD, which causes me to experience executive dysfunction. This makes it extremely difficult to start, much less finish, a task. Therefore, I have AI do it for me. Oh, but the environment, the environment. I really don't care what a bunch of crazy tree huggers have to say. You criticize me because what I am doing is bad for the environment, but I bet most of you drive cars. And frankly, I find that extremely hypocritical. How are you going to criticize society while participating in it?

• 49:46Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, I'm sorry.

• 49:47Speaker 06

  Disabled people like.

• 49:49Kurt Metzger?

  Ah. You'll probably keep letting, let him finish.

• 49:51Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, let it finish.

• 49:52Kurt Metzger?

  A lot of great, lot to unpack here.

• 49:54Speaker 06

  Anybody else deserve pleasure?

• 49:56Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 49:57Speaker 06

  And if that pleasure comes from AI-generated Goomba ex-Cupa Rule 34, then so be it. Disability justice is one of the core pillars of leftism.

• 50:07Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 50:08Speaker 06

  If you are against generative AI, you are against disabled people.

• 50:12Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 50:12Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now.

• 50:13Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 50:14Kurt Metzger?

  Now, for the record, I am against disabled people, but that's neither here nor there.

• 50:18Duncan Trussell?

  It doesn't surprise me. You're a bully. You fucking are cruel to people with acne.

• 50:23Kurt Metzger?

  Did you enjoy your potion earlier?

• 50:25Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 50:28Kurt Metzger?

  You just party with Dr. Shots.

• 50:29Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck, Dr. Shots? I don't wanna.

• 50:31Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now.

• 50:32Duncan Trussell?

  I have kids.

• 50:33Kurt Metzger?

  Well, yeah. And listen, yeah, I know. It's fucked up. Okay.

• 50:42Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Shots.

• 50:45Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Shots?

• 51:05Duncan Trussell?

  Ew, y'all. Ew!

• 51:24Kurt Metzger?

  I should've saved it for the twist of the end. But I've actually, you're all been poisoned. You're gonna die within 24 hours of partying with me, Dr. Shots. Okay. Dr. Shots is a really dark character. I mean, there's some hints that there's something.

• 51:36Duncan Trussell?

  Very dark.

• 51:36Kurt Metzger?

  Supernatural behind it. It's not entirely.

• 51:38Duncan Trussell?

  He steals souls.

• 51:40Kurt Metzger?

  Why would he talk like that?

• 51:42Duncan Trussell?

  He's a.

• 51:43Kurt Metzger?

  A piece of you lives in me now as you're partying and dying the fun way.

• 51:46Duncan Trussell?

  Scary.

• 51:47Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I think I'd wanna get the goddamn botched injection when I think of a creep like Dr. Shots.

• 51:52Duncan Trussell?

  I think it's a movie or a series.

• 51:54Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, every, it's a new story like, uh, uh, every week, you know, like, um, when they, when they made The Hitchhiker. Wasn't The Hitcher the movie? It was The Hitchhiker, the series?

• 52:03Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 52:03Kurt Metzger?

  And it was a creepy hitchhiker would tell you another creepy ass story?

• 52:07Duncan Trussell?

  You meet, you should meet a happily pregnant person and somehow.

• 52:11Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, and I know I've been sent here. I've got to help.

• 52:14Duncan Trussell?

  She wants an abortion. At first, she's just like, I don't want an abortion. I'm really excited to have the child.

• 52:19Kurt Metzger?

  Science has sent me to this town for a reason.

• 52:21Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, and you convince her to.

• 52:23Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now, my first question, when you mentioned the ball pit, um, that is a shirt.

• 52:29Kurt Metzger?

  I initially thought that maybe too, but no, um, it's, is that in fact?

• 52:35Kurt Metzger?

  Colorful popcorn and hard candy as a shirt?

• 52:39Duncan Trussell?

  Hmm.

• 52:40Kurt Metzger?

  Am I wrong? Does that look like popcorn?

• 52:42Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah, that is. That's some kind of candy assortment.

• 52:45Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, is one of the disabilities, now, I would like to guess at what, cuz I'm like, I hope, and I haven't checked, cuz I'll be too crushed if there's not there. I hope his other disabilities, he does cover those at some point.

• 52:56Duncan Trussell?

  What are they? What do you think they are? If you have to guess?

• 52:58Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, um, but I don't know the names of them, so if you, you know, even though I'm a doctor.

• 53:03Duncan Trussell?

  Borderline personality disorder.

• 53:05Kurt Metzger?

  Um, the, cutting your own hair disease.

• 53:11Duncan Trussell?

  Bipolar.

• 53:12Kurt Metzger?

  Like, like you're shirt-hearted, like you know how to pick out shirts good, and you would, you'd wear like a candy shirt?

• 53:18Duncan Trussell?

  Some kind of like.

• 53:19Kurt Metzger?

  Like your shirts indicate you're retarded, but you're like good with computers? Is that a disease?

• 53:25Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know, man. I mean, what do you?

• 53:26Kurt Metzger?

  I'm asking you cuz you're a natural. I've never been so impressed with somebody's natural doctor ability.

• 53:31Duncan Trussell?

  What do you, what do you, what do you think this person does for a job? Like, how do you think they generate income?

• 53:36Kurt Metzger?

  They can't, they have their executive function, and this is, and someone that's autistic and has ADHD. Um, they can't even finish a, do you know what Rule 34 is?

• 53:46Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 53:48Kurt Metzger?

  I know, what an asshole, right?

• 53:50Duncan Trussell?

  What's Rule 34?

• 53:51Kurt Metzger?

  It's a 4chan thing.

• 53:53Duncan Trussell?

  What is it?

• 53:54Kurt Metzger?

  You, you know 4chan, the Chinese guy, it's kind of like one of his proverbs.

• 53:57Duncan Trussell?

  Come on, what is it?

• 54:00Kurt Metzger?

  Um, Rule 34 is, anything that exists, someone will make porn of it.

• 54:05Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I, oh, I assumed he was talking about turning Mario into porn, and I just thought Rule 34 was some.

• 54:13Kurt Metzger?

  If I'm being honest, I had no idea. I go, what the, I go, Grok, what in the SNH is this?

• 54:18Duncan Trussell?

  No, I knew it was some, some kind of Mario fetish or something. I just didn't know Rule 34 referred to that.

• 54:24Kurt Metzger?

  Because he said they tend to hyperfixate on a thing?

• 54:26Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 54:27Kurt Metzger?

  Um, okay. I, I, honest to God, I knew, all joking, all joking aside.

• 54:33Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 54:34Kurt Metzger?

  Um, that kid ruled, no.

• 54:36Duncan Trussell?

  He's a great kid.

• 54:38Kurt Metzger?

  Me, when I was doing Pussies with Donegan.

• 54:40Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 54:41Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, and we, neither of us in our wildest, uh, uh, flights of, uh, of fancy in the show Pussies, which we did a pretty good job of being huge pussies.

• 54:52Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 54:53Kurt Metzger?

  Ever thought to do what that kid's doing, and not only that.

• 54:57Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 54:58Kurt Metzger?

  Cuz I'm like, is this a joke? Can we go look at his, see, here's, my eternal question is, is this a joke?

• 55:03Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 55:03Kurt Metzger?

  And I think it's not because of, like, him saying, oh, these so-called leftists, and then not knowing the environment is like. What, what do you mean the core pillars? Pillars are on each side, by the way. I, whatever.

• 55:17Duncan Trussell?

  Let's look at his other posts.

• 55:18Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I, I, I subscribe to him immediately. Oh, get ready for the mystery boy's bump.

• 55:25Duncan Trussell?

  Let's look at his other.

• 55:25Kurt Metzger?

  I, I think this guy might be too freaky to party with Dr. Shots.

• 55:28Duncan Trussell?

  I don't think so.

• 55:30Kurt Metzger?

  A Dr. Shots feels uncomfortable.

• 55:32Duncan Trussell?

  Sidekick in the show.

• 55:33Kurt Metzger?

  Hi, Dr. Shots. I feel like I might wanna live.

• 55:36Duncan Trussell?

  He should travel around with you.

• 55:38Kurt Metzger?

  He should be my sidekick?

• 55:39Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, this is your sidekick.

• 55:42Kurt Metzger?

  Don't I deserve?

• 55:42Duncan Trussell?

  He's your son.

• 55:44Kurt Metzger?

  It's well known that I deserve pleasure.

• 55:46Duncan Trussell?

  This is Dr. Shots's estranged son, and he's decided to take him on a road trip.

• 56:00Duncan Trussell?

  He, he, he doesn't know his dad, what kind of doctor his dad is.

• 56:03Kurt Metzger?

  What is that movie with Ed O'Neill where he's gotta cross the country with his new stepson?

• 56:07Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 56:08Kurt Metzger?

  Remember that? What's it called? It's Ed O'Neill and some kid, and, um, it's like Ed O'Neill's trying to do stuff besides Married with Children.

• 56:19Duncan Trussell?

  It's a movie, it's.

• 56:20Kurt Metzger?

  And he was like, okay, and, yeah, do you remember it? Was it, what is it? Does it say?

• 56:30Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, no, not Modern Family. That's where he stays home with a fat stepson. There's a 90s one where it's like, and the kid's like, so. Uh, Dutch. Dutch?

• 56:42Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 56:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, you just described Dutch with me and the boy.

• 56:45Duncan Trussell?

  This is Dutch with you and this kid.

• 56:48Kurt Metzger?

  Look at.

• 56:52Kurt Metzger?

  Shots, it's called.

• 56:53Duncan Trussell?

  Shots. Could someone please make a poster showing?

• 56:56Kurt Metzger?

  Look at the kid. Have him giving me a noogie. Have him giving Shots a noogie.

• 57:00Duncan Trussell?

  But it's, it's really touching, you know? He's like getting to know his dad.

• 57:03Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so let's get to know my son.

• 57:04Duncan Trussell?

  More of his stuff to get that character to.

• 57:17Duncan Trussell?

  All right, can we play?

• 57:18Kurt Metzger?

  Is this a joke? Go back. Is this a joke?

• 57:21Duncan Trussell?

  Could be a joke.

• 57:22Kurt Metzger?

  This is a joke.

• 57:24Duncan Trussell?

  Doesn't.

• 57:24Kurt Metzger?

  Go to another one.

• 57:26Speaker 06

  I've seen a lot of cis people posting this as a joke recently, and I think that it's extremely insensitive to the trans community. It really upsets me to see cis people treating this as some sort of haha funny moment when the trans community is known to have a history with pumpkins. Do better. I've seen a.

• 57:50Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, stop. This is a joke, I think.

• 57:51Duncan Trussell?

  I think it's like rage bait.

• 57:53Kurt Metzger?

  Pega sister to, well, okay, but rage bait to me, look, I, I wasn't enraged by this at all. I wanted you to help me solve a mystery.

• 58:01Duncan Trussell?

  You think this is like Andy Kaufman level, like trolling?

• 58:05Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, you know, okay, the other one, the first one, honest to God, the first one about pleasure? If you really plumb, plumb the depths of the internet the way Dr. Shots does.

• 58:13Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 58:14Kurt Metzger?

  You will know that, that, that, dude, when they say clown world, it's not like just a saying.

• 58:19Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 58:20Kurt Metzger?

  Like, it's literally that crazy. However, the last couple we watched, a, a, a couple of them, like, this is a joke.

• 58:26Duncan Trussell?

  Well, I don't know, man.

• 58:27Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, after those last two, I think it's a joke.

• 58:30Duncan Trussell?

  What difference? I mean, it doesn't even matter.

• 58:31Kurt Metzger?

  Here's the difference it makes, it means.

• 58:33Duncan Trussell?

  Art is art.

• 58:33Kurt Metzger?

  If it is a joke, we can get him to be my son for real on the show.

• 58:36Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 58:37Kurt Metzger?

  You know what I'm learning as a doctor every day is that I don't know anything.

• 58:42Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that's kind of beautiful.

• 58:43Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know anything about medicine. I learn that every day as a doctor.

• 58:46Duncan Trussell?

  Beautiful. You learn as you go.

• 58:48Kurt Metzger?

  Or, and then, and then I realized, no, I didn't.

• 58:51Duncan Trussell?

  Sometimes you make mistakes.

• 58:54Kurt Metzger?

  That's the ultimate wisdom of being a doctor at the end. Ultimately, I actually don't, I actually was never qualified. Cuz I don't know anything.

• 59:07Kurt Metzger?

  Now, let's, let's go party.

• 59:08Duncan Trussell?

  It's an honest.

• 59:09Kurt Metzger?

  Now, who is this?

• 59:10Duncan Trussell?

  Transgender CIA officer speaks out after being ousted.

• 59:14Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I'm not in the CIA, so I've never had an opinion on inter-office stuff in the CIA.

• 59:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, who cares?

• 59:19Kurt Metzger?

  Number one, let's establish that. Neither of us have ever been in the CIA. That's a fact, okay? So, uh, I don't know this bitch. He used to be a guy named Tim.

• 59:28Duncan Trussell?

  I wanna see an interview with this person. Can you guys find it? I wanna hear them speaking out.

• 59:33Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, here comes Tim. Oh, he's a girl now.

• 59:35Speaker 06

  What happened, um, towards the end with, with Mike Pence and what he said to you? He had asked me to extend, and I, I did work an additional few months, and then at the end, he invited my family to the West Wing.

• 59:47Kurt Metzger?

  Including my mother and he had He fucked your mom? My mom had had a very difficult time at one point with my transition when I transitioned to many years before.

• 1:00:01Duncan Trussell?

  Closed minded bitch.

• 1:00:02Kurt Metzger?

  And I'm standing there in Mike Pence's ceremonial West Wing office.

• 1:00:06Duncan Trussell?

  She did not talk there anymore.

• 1:00:06Kurt Metzger?

  And he's taking my mother's hand and he said, you must be very proud of your daughter. And I'm just sitting there looking at the scene and thinking this is Hey guys, a woman's talking. Can we not have other conversations?

• 1:00:20Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, what the fuck?

• 1:00:21Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I know. Oh, oh, real funny Tanner.

• 1:00:25Duncan Trussell?

  Look at this, is it?

• 1:00:26Kurt Metzger?

  No, it's not shits.

• 1:00:31Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on, let me address that. Shit, you know Schitt's Creek? That joke's been made, you hack. Schitt's Creek. I specifically said shots because I didn't want Schitt's Creek, which now you're gonna get accusations of that brought on us.

• 1:00:44Speaker 04

  It was the AI.

• 1:00:45Kurt Metzger?

  You know Red Band is watching?

• 1:00:46Speaker 04

  It was the AI.

• 1:00:47Kurt Metzger?

  Red Band is watching. What do you not get about that?

• 1:00:52Speaker 04

  It was the AI.

• 1:00:52Duncan Trussell?

  Red Band is watching.

• 1:00:54Kurt Metzger?

  Red Band is watching.

• 1:00:55Duncan Trussell?

  Red Band is watching.

• 1:00:57Kurt Metzger?

  He don't like what he sees right now. Shits.

• 1:01:00Speaker 04

  It was the AI.

• 1:01:02Kurt Metzger?

  No, don't blame the AI because I utilize AI quite a bit in my medical practice. Hey Grok, how do I do this surgery right now? I'm pretty drunk.

• 1:01:10Duncan Trussell?

  Can we make it more? I think

• 1:01:11Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, okay Grok, I'm not drunk. How do I do the surgery?

• 1:01:13Duncan Trussell?

  I feel like that's a little too comedic. I'd like it a little more sentimental, still funny, but more

• 1:01:21Kurt Metzger?

  There's still gonna be, I'm gonna hug him like Matt Damon.

• 1:01:23Duncan Trussell?

  I want a little Good Will Hunting feel to it.

• 1:01:26Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna tell him it's okay that Mike Pence touched him in his, you know?

• 1:01:30Duncan Trussell?

  You're like Robin Williams.

• 1:01:31Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, not this one, the other one. It was very rude what you did to that CIA woman. And if I was in the CIA, I'll go back with my partner Duncan Trussell.

• 1:01:41Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, you have to

• 1:01:42Kurt Metzger?

  Who was in the CIA and go, hey, we need to handle someone and I think you know who he is.

• 1:01:46Duncan Trussell?

  You help him, you help give him like breast implants. That could be a big scene in the movie.

• 1:01:52Kurt Metzger?

  And by the way, Tanner.

• 1:01:55Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:01:57Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:02:03Kurt Metzger?

  Where's the black man with breasts that I saw earlier that I'd like to see again?

• 1:02:07Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that was, you did tease us with that.

• 1:02:10Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, Dr. Schatz is fixing a party hard and you don't want that.

• 1:02:13Duncan Trussell?

  You did tease us with that one there.

• 1:02:15Kurt Metzger?

  You don't want one down

• 1:02:16Duncan Trussell?

  You threw it up and then you took it away.

• 1:02:17Kurt Metzger?

  Dr. Schatz, not shits, Tanner.

• 1:02:21Duncan Trussell?

  You're gaslighting us now. Why'd you take it away?

• 1:02:25Speaker 04

  You wanna see it?

• 1:02:26Duncan Trussell?

  There it is.

• 1:02:28Kurt Metzger?

  No, no, not, I don't wanna see, not any. You had one up.

• 1:02:31Duncan Trussell?

  You had a real one.

• 1:02:32Speaker 04

  I'm finding it.

• 1:02:33Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I didn't, now when you find a treasure like that, how do you lose it? That's the part I don't get.

• 1:02:38Duncan Trussell?

  You don't lose it, he's teasing us.

• 1:02:40Kurt Metzger?

  You know?

• 1:02:40Duncan Trussell?

  This is a tease.

• 1:02:41Kurt Metzger?

  You ever look in a medical encyclopedia and see a guy sitting on his own balls?

• 1:02:45Duncan Trussell?

  He knows exactly where it is.

• 1:02:47Kurt Metzger?

  You ever seen that? Yeah, well, because they don't raise awareness about that one until South Park makes a joke out of it. You know, this is why I have to have a grabber when I do surgery now because you can't get help now.

• 1:02:59Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:03:00Kurt Metzger?

  Hand me that scalpel so now I have to reach over myself.

• 1:03:03Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah, you save money though.

• 1:03:05Kurt Metzger?

  I save a lot of money and I use one grabber for everything.

• 1:03:10Kurt Metzger?

  I got a one hole grabber.

• 1:03:13Duncan Trussell?

  There it is, that's it.

• 1:03:14Kurt Metzger?

  No, yeah, but you started to play it. You don't, you don't have a web his

• 1:03:17Duncan Trussell?

  It's the upper left corner.

• 1:03:20Kurt Metzger?

  Is it?

• 1:03:21Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:21Kurt Metzger?

  It doesn't look like it.

• 1:03:23Duncan Trussell?

  Stage right.

• 1:03:23Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, Tanner, can you find, yes, but he was talking.

• 1:03:27Speaker 04

  Here.

• 1:03:28Kurt Metzger?

  I'd like to hear the gentle, gentle person speak.

• 1:03:30Duncan Trussell?

  Genital. Look where your mind is.

• 1:03:32Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, those are good ass titties there.

• 1:03:34Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Schatz.

• 1:03:36Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, but where's the video?

• 1:03:37Duncan Trussell?

  Is this your type, Dr. Schatz?

• 1:03:39Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on, there's video. We still haven't heard from the person. Can, do you have the video you found?

• 1:03:45Speaker 04

  I didn't find it originally. It was from someone else.

• 1:03:48Duncan Trussell?

  Do you know what this guy's

• 1:03:49Kurt Metzger?

  Cougar, is this guy's name Cougar?

• 1:03:51Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, this is Black Cougar.

• 1:03:53Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:03:54Speaker 04

  Where is it?

• 1:03:57Duncan Trussell?

  He's Black Panther's brother.

• 1:04:00Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Black Cougar. Oh, that's a good concept.

• 1:04:04Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I always thought Black Panther should have a white brother because it has a white creator of the series, you know?

• 1:04:09Duncan Trussell?

  Well, look, guys.

• 1:04:10Kurt Metzger?

  Is that it?

• 1:04:13Duncan Trussell?

  What's going on here?

• 1:04:14Speaker 04

  The link's not working.

• 1:04:16Kurt Metzger?

  It feels like it's not hard to get this, to me.

• 1:04:18Duncan Trussell?

  It doesn't matter. We got distracted. We were like literally creating the greatest movie ever.

• 1:04:24Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna tell that brother.

• 1:04:25Duncan Trussell?

  This movie is

• 1:04:26Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it was just there. What is happening? It just was there, okay.

• 1:04:30Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, there it is.

• 1:04:32Speaker 00

  Well, we're getting better shit.

• 1:04:34Kurt Metzger?

  This is AI.

• 1:04:39Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, more AI slop.

• 1:04:41Duncan Trussell?

  It's kinda sad, guys. Why don't you do, why don't you do something real?

• 1:04:44Kurt Metzger?

  Because I was like, dude, okay, even using all my doctor skill with three claws in me using this grabber, I could not do a breast job that good.

• 1:04:52Duncan Trussell?

  It's slop.

• 1:04:53Kurt Metzger?

  Even using this grabber and, and making sure not to hit the side so that her nose doesn't light up and go like

• 1:04:59Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, what's this furry that you

• 1:05:01Kurt Metzger?

  That means you did surgery bad.

• 1:05:04Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, sorry miss.

• 1:05:05Duncan Trussell?

  What's the furry? Why'd you send that? What is that?

• 1:05:07Speaker 04

  Sorry, I wasn't supposed to, sorry.

• 1:05:09Kurt Metzger?

  And what was that about with the furry? All right, so I'm sorry that I had you go on that chase because it's AI.

• 1:05:15Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that was a real

• 1:05:16Kurt Metzger?

  I don't even know if we can show this. Probably illegal to even show that.

• 1:05:19Duncan Trussell?

  That was a drag. That was a real drag. That's self-destructive on your part. I'm helping you, I'm helping you craft what could be the most monumental fucking movie of the decade.

• 1:05:29Kurt Metzger?

  We've come to a crossroads now because I like, okay. Now, on my lab coat does say shots, but my name is S C H O T Z, but I do like shots like that. So it's like got kind of a double meaning.

• 1:05:44Duncan Trussell?

  You're a Palestinian doctor who helps trans kids get breast implants.

• 1:05:50Kurt Metzger?

  Um, why, well, I don't think I'm Palestinian.

• 1:05:52Duncan Trussell?

  Why? Oh, wow, that's interesting. Why not, Dr. Schatz?

• 1:05:56Kurt Metzger?

  Because I feel like that's not a real thing that they're into. I don't know if you're familiar with October 7th.

• 1:06:02Duncan Trussell?

  I am.

• 1:06:02Kurt Metzger?

  But as the great Douglas Murray will tell you, who, remember we had Rabbi Dave Smith who was destroyed by Douglas Murray in a debate? And as Douglas Murray correctly points out, Palestinians hate gay people.

• 1:06:13Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, fine. So you're not a fucking

• 1:06:14Kurt Metzger?

  So he wouldn't be Palestinian and it's kinda weird of you to push that propaganda.

• 1:06:19Duncan Trussell?

  This is a redemption arc for you.

• 1:06:21Kurt Metzger?

  Well, no, I'm, no.

• 1:06:23Duncan Trussell?

  The story should be a redemption arc.

• 1:06:24Kurt Metzger?

  For my kid.

• 1:06:25Duncan Trussell?

  No, it's for you.

• 1:06:26Kurt Metzger?

  No, I'm a, I'm a doctor that does it. I, I'm a fan, look, I'm a busy, big city doctor at Planned Parenthood.

• 1:06:33Duncan Trussell?

  You're closed minded a little bit.

• 1:06:34Kurt Metzger?

  Who helps make sure we get the job done.

• 1:06:36Duncan Trussell?

  You're closed minded a little bit.

• 1:06:38Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, I don't think so.

• 1:06:39Duncan Trussell?

  You're kind of like, exactly. This is gonna be the precious moments between you and your estranged son.

• 1:06:46Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, you're a good director. You led me right into that.

• 1:06:48Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 1:06:49Kurt Metzger?

  You led me right into it.

• 1:06:50Duncan Trussell?

  I did. You got it.

• 1:06:52Kurt Metzger?

  I think you get this project. A lot of people that I had didn't get it and you just got it.

• 1:06:57Duncan Trussell?

  This project.

• 1:06:57Kurt Metzger?

  Put that poster back up. Uh, Cougar?

• 1:07:01Speaker 04

  No, it's me Tanner.

• 1:07:03Kurt Metzger?

  What the fuck does Cougar do? I don't know what's happening, but I'll tell you this.

• 1:07:08Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:07:09Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, I think, I think finally someone's gonna bring shots to life, the novel. Because look at the great novel, the old trade paperback cover, one second.

• 1:07:19Kurt Metzger?

  Can you just put up that fine cover?

• 1:07:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:23Kurt Metzger?

  So, you know

• 1:07:23Duncan Trussell?

  It could be a novel.

• 1:07:25Kurt Metzger?

  But let's just compare the, the final movie to the, I mean, I'm looking, so this is the original. It's a little bit grittier.

• 1:07:31Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:33Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:07:34Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:34Kurt Metzger?

  Um, I, as you can see, I'm playing two parts in the movie, I guess, in the book.

• 1:07:39Speaker 04

  No, that's Duncan.

• 1:07:40Kurt Metzger?

  It is?

• 1:07:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:42Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I can't see. Dr. Schatz's eyes.

• 1:07:44Duncan Trussell?

  You're in Europe or something.

• 1:07:45Kurt Metzger?

  Dr. Schatz's eyes aren't so good, so hold still.

• 1:07:47Duncan Trussell?

  Look, it's, it's, it's great.

• 1:07:49Kurt Metzger?

  So, okay, and I like that for the book. Again, I know a lot of the hardcore fans are gonna say it was ruined. And oh, now, now cut to the other one. So that's the original. They're more of a, like Jack Reacher thing, but of, um, helping as many abortions happen as possible.

• 1:08:06Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, this is, okay, here's an important scene.

• 1:08:08Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, he's the abortion that got away.

• 1:08:10Duncan Trussell?

  Well, no, your son is upset when you guys first like meet.

• 1:08:14Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I haven't been in his life. I've been wandering around.

• 1:08:16Duncan Trussell?

  But also

• 1:08:17Kurt Metzger?

  Partying with fetuses and

• 1:08:19Duncan Trussell?

  But also, his, his girlfriend's pregnant and he doesn't know what to do and you help give his girlfriend an abortion.

• 1:08:27Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, that's awesome because I was afraid that he would never get a girl pregnant because he looks so fruity. And I don't mean that as some kind of gay slur. He literally

• 1:08:35Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you can't believe it.

• 1:08:36Kurt Metzger?

  Has a candy popcorn shirt on.

• 1:08:38Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you can't believe it.

• 1:08:40Kurt Metzger?

  So I'm like, so the moment when I find out, he knocked up his girlfriend.

• 1:08:44Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, more, see, this is your closed mindedness expanding.

• 1:08:48Kurt Metzger?

  And I realize

• 1:08:49Duncan Trussell?

  This is a huge moment in the movie.

• 1:08:51Kurt Metzger?

  And then I realize

• 1:08:52Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:53Kurt Metzger?

  It's just like how I love hair metal and if you look at Girls, Girls, Girls by Motley Crue, Motley Crue are all trans genderqueers.

• 1:09:00Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, look, here's what we do. We're gonna act out the scene. I'm gonna play your son. This is just after you gave my girlfriend an abortion.

• 1:09:07Kurt Metzger?

  Oh shit, I'm gonna have to have a claw for this.

• 1:09:09Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, I'm so happy.

• 1:09:10Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, this is getting heavy, dude.

• 1:09:12Duncan Trussell?

  I'm so happy. I'm so happy you, you're, you're, but you're happy and this is that moment.

• 1:09:17Kurt Metzger?

  I'm glad someone gets what I do.

• 1:09:18Duncan Trussell?

  Dad, dad, dad, I just wanna thank you so much for giving my girlfriend an abortion. Thank you.

• 1:09:26Kurt Metzger?

  Well, uh, uh, jeun, what do you prefer to be called? Jeun?

• 1:09:31Duncan Trussell?

  Jeun is anything you wanna call me, dad. I'm just glad to hear you call me something.

• 1:09:36Kurt Metzger?

  I, I gotta say, uh, he really showed me that you still got a lot of sperm in those balls. And I was afraid, I'll be honest, that you had some kind of, maybe some hermaphroditic issue.

• 1:09:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:48Kurt Metzger?

  Um, where maybe a life of like, they call it scissoring, but honestly, God, son, between you and me, I don't know what the fuck that is. How could that even be good?

• 1:09:56Duncan Trussell?

  I've got come, dad. I, I can get people pregnant.

• 1:10:00Kurt Metzger?

  And you, and you got, and it's not like you got, you know, when I heard that, I, I'm telling you the truth, son. I was afraid that it was like some poli, you know what a polycule is?

• 1:10:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I do, dad.

• 1:10:12Kurt Metzger?

  It's like a snake ball of fuglies.

• 1:10:13Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:14Kurt Metzger?

  You know?

• 1:10:15Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:15Kurt Metzger?

  A bunch of people sticking God knows what do. Who gives a shit where? Toss them in a barrel, seal it up, you got a polycule.

• 1:10:23Duncan Trussell?

  I just want you to love me.

• 1:10:25Kurt Metzger?

  And I, and I think I'm well on the road to doing that, uh, even though I hate your fruity little shirt and the thing with Mario and the, and the mushroom. That's an abomination and I, I honestly, I don't see as a, as a loving Christian how any God could forgive that. But you know what? You knocked that bitch up.

• 1:10:44Duncan Trussell?

  And you

• 1:10:44Kurt Metzger?

  Like a man, like a mensch.

• 1:10:46Duncan Trussell?

  And you gave her

• 1:10:46Kurt Metzger?

  And I think that should be a gender, a mensch. And that's what you are to me. Uh, uh, what's the, what's it, uh, by jeun's name?

• 1:10:56Kurt Metzger?

  Anyone?

• 1:10:57Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:10:57Kurt Metzger?

  Line, what's his name? Line?

• 1:11:05Speaker 07

  Well, have you tried the new love that makes normies go yuck? When a two and three and four all shack up and fuck? It's called a polycue. Yeah, yeah, a nasty polycue. If you stumble on a snake ball made of fucklees. Or four fat trees who wanna get there snugly. It's called a polycue. I said a polycue.

• 1:11:47Speaker 07

  An autistic wrecking made of furious things. And everything will end with hard feelings. Sounds like a polycue. Yeah, yeah, a funky polycue. A group of forgives a shit-sticking god knows what in Christ knows where. Just toss it in a barrel and seal it up. Toss it deep in the abyss before I throw up. It's called a polycue.

• 1:12:30Speaker 07

  A group of forgives a shit-sticking god knows what in Christ knows where. Just toss it in a barrel and seal it up. Toss it deep in the abyss before I throw up. It's called a polycue.

• 1:12:49Duncan Trussell?

  Just do this, you don't worry about the name, Dad.

• 1:12:51Kurt Metzger?

  Well, we have to be tasteful. You have to handle this very carefully.

• 1:12:54Duncan Trussell?

  I just want you to love me, Dad.

• 1:12:57Kurt Metzger?

  Um, and you know what? I just want to be able to love you as well. Jean. I don't like that name for you. Uh, go back to the thing so I could just look at his dumb name.

• 1:13:09Duncan Trussell?

  We got it. You got it. I think it was good. I just kinda see, I, yeah, I think it's good. It's like, something's missing in the scene.

• 1:13:16Kurt Metzger?

  We skipped to, because we, look, I love that scene, but we didn't earn it yet because we haven't seen...

• 1:13:22Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:13:23Kurt Metzger?

  The parts where, um...

• 1:13:24Duncan Trussell?

  That's better.

• 1:13:26Kurt Metzger?

  Now, I know people go, "Hey, this is like, kind of..." Put the book cover next to it, though, so you could, because, because there's a lot of fan controversy. You know, um, as you know, we got a, um, a, a kind of zaftig, uh, East Asian Indian woman to be in charge of directing the adaptation of the gritty novel, Dr. Schatz. Where do we find her? At an investors' meeting at Davos this past, uh, two summers ago. Uh, not that little stupid, little-ass, small-time Peter Thiel one.

• 1:14:02Duncan Trussell?

  Let's think about the...

• 1:14:02Kurt Metzger?

  We're a little bit bigger than that. This is, you're talking to Dr. Schatz here.

• 1:14:06Duncan Trussell?

  Let's, let's talk...

• 1:14:07Kurt Metzger?

  And Dink Frankman.

• 1:14:08Duncan Trussell?

  Let's talk about the road trip. What, uh, how, what, what gets you guys to go on this road trip? Like, what is the journey? Where, where are you going with your estranged son?

• 1:14:20Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, okay. It's something to do with his mom.

• 1:14:27Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:29Kurt Metzger?

  Um, uh, is, like, and it's something like where he, okay, so he's in one of them camps that rich people put their kids in, like, where they get kidnapped?

• 1:14:40Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:41Kurt Metzger?

  But you, you, you're like a bad, rich kid, right?

• 1:14:43Duncan Trussell?

  You're gonna pick him up, maybe, at that camp?

• 1:14:46Kurt Metzger?

  Well, uh, this is before I got, I'm just fucking the bitch. I, I just got here.

• 1:14:49Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:14:50Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, Dr. Schatz on the road.

• 1:14:51Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:52Kurt Metzger?

  You know? Uh, maybe I knocked his mom up, too.

• 1:14:56Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:57Kurt Metzger?

  Okay? So now there's a complication. So now I gotta go back and, uh, deal with this shit, and she's already got us, so...

• 1:15:05Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:05Kurt Metzger?

  It's, it's really simple opening, okay? I don't even like his mom that much, dude, honestly.

• 1:15:11Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:15:11Kurt Metzger?

  And I mean, to be, like, it goes...

• 1:15:13Duncan Trussell?

  This is your son.

• 1:15:15Kurt Metzger?

  But you understand, as a doc, Dr. Schatz, it goes against my oath to harvest and reap the souls. To bring a soul in the world through this woman is like, I'm trying to convince her...

• 1:15:23Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:15:24Kurt Metzger?

  To party with Dr. Schatz.

• 1:15:25Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:26Kurt Metzger?

  It's kinda, kinda dark.

• 1:15:27Duncan Trussell?

  But this is your, this is, this is...

• 1:15:28Kurt Metzger?

  And she says, "Okay, I need you to pick my son up from the troubled..."

• 1:15:32Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:15:32Kurt Metzger?

  "...school he went to for bad boys who were smoking weed and not going to school."

• 1:15:36Duncan Trussell?

  I gotcha.

• 1:15:37Kurt Metzger?

  And, uh, I, you know, I'm a very wealthy women, woman. We had him kidnapped and sent to this school where, um, they attack you and tell you you're fat until you, like, break down inside.

• 1:15:46Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:47Kurt Metzger?

  So I need to pick him up from that camp.

• 1:15:49Duncan Trussell?

  And I don't, I can't.

• 1:15:50Kurt Metzger?

  And that's why he looks like that.

• 1:15:51Duncan Trussell?

  You need to go pick him up.

• 1:15:53Kurt Metzger?

  And I'm like, "All right, fine, I'll pick up your fucking..."

• 1:15:55Duncan Trussell?

  It's gotta, no, it's gotta be yours.

• 1:15:56Kurt Metzger?

  And apparently, this kid's a real fat queer.

• 1:15:59Duncan Trussell?

  It's gotta be your son. It's gotta be your son.

• 1:16:02Kurt Metzger?

  But that's a surprise.

• 1:16:03Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, I see. You don't know it's your son at first.

• 1:16:06Kurt Metzger?

  See, I think I'm going to abort my son that she's about to have, but I'm actually getting to know the son she secretly had without aborting him without telling me.

• 1:16:14Duncan Trussell?

  Right. That's, and this is how you get to know your son.

• 1:16:18Kurt Metzger?

  And can this old reaper? What's the opposite of grim?

• 1:16:23Duncan Trussell?

  Gay?

• 1:16:24Kurt Metzger?

  Can this gay reaper? Do you think pitching it, I should say gay? Do you think they'll get that, how I...

• 1:16:34Duncan Trussell?

  Gay reaper? That you're a gay reaper?

• 1:17:42Kurt Metzger?

  I'm just, I just mean the opposite of grim.

• 1:17:43Duncan Trussell?

  Listen, man, I think if we're still at the point where you, like, you can't, you can't use a term like...

• 1:17:47Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I'm worried about in the pitch.

• 1:17:50Duncan Trussell?

  I think this is a very forward-thinking film, and I think it's very advanced. I think it's, it's gonna push some boundaries and push some buttons.

• 1:17:56Kurt Metzger?

  You know what? I'm gonna put the Seth Simons like I did last week, the first Mr. Mr. Reekin. Um, 'cause I'm, and I'm not even, I know it's, oh, what are you being, I'm not joking, like, I, I, I swear that I would love to know his perspective on this pitch.

• 1:18:10Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:18:12Kurt Metzger?

  Okay?

• 1:18:12Duncan Trussell?

  He could help us develop it.

• 1:18:13Kurt Metzger?

  Look, there is no sarcasm or jokes that can take away from the honest fact.

• 1:18:17Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:18Kurt Metzger?

  There's no way to take me saying that, other than I genuinely would love to know how he feels about that pitch, because I, I wasn't into it first, but then, uh, it really, I don't know, the way you pitched it really got to me, but...

• 1:18:30Duncan Trussell?

  Do you think Dr. Schatz, do you think Dr. Schatz dies at the end of this?

• 1:18:35Kurt Metzger?

  No, I think the mom dies? Okay, get this.

• 1:18:39Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:41Kurt Metzger?

  The mom dies because there's no purpose to her life now that we've been reunited, me and the son.

• 1:18:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah. Why, why doesn't she have purpose?

• 1:18:48Kurt Metzger?

  She's kind of a slag. And, um...

• 1:18:52Duncan Trussell?

  So she had, so, so she, how does she die at the end of this? And what is it?

• 1:18:57Kurt Metzger?

  Um, probably of shame from, like, her OnlyFans or something. I don't know. You know, honestly, I think the mother's the least important and not interesting character, if I'm being quite honest. It's just, um, somebody I blew it in on the road. And whoops, I create, whoopsie, I created life when I was supposed to be taking life.

• 1:19:16Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:16Kurt Metzger?

  As that's my oath.

• 1:19:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:18Kurt Metzger?

  You know, as a gay reaper.

• 1:19:19Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:19:20Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, this is really coming together.

• 1:19:22Duncan Trussell?

  It's really good.

• 1:19:23Kurt Metzger?

  I like, and that's great background music, because...

• 1:19:25Duncan Trussell?

  Perfect. Is this like you giving, maybe this is the music to you giving an abortion at some point?

• 1:19:31Kurt Metzger?

  This is me, uh, playing parenthood, running from, uh, uh, room to room, helping him.

• 1:19:35Duncan Trussell?

  Maybe you only had...

• 1:19:36Kurt Metzger?

  Helping him party until the abortion, until it takes.

• 1:19:38Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, how about this? The baby, the baby is, in, within, in two minutes, the baby will be too old to abort.

• 1:19:47Kurt Metzger?

  And that is true.

• 1:19:48Duncan Trussell?

  So this is the music playing while you're trying to abort the baby before it becomes illegal?

• 1:19:53Kurt Metzger?

  It's a race against time. Do you understand?

• 1:20:02Duncan Trussell?

  And you don't have the right tools, like...

• 1:20:04Kurt Metzger?

  Much like, uh, I mean, what is this, Third World Conditions? We're overbooked.

• 1:20:09Duncan Trussell?

  Someone give me some scissors! We don't have any scissors! A broken piece of glass! A bottle!

• 1:20:18Kurt Metzger?

  Well, no, it's, I have to make a bong out of something. See, we party him, we party him out. We get, we give him a little bit of, uh, uh, what do you call it? Ukrainian aftercare?

• 1:20:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:28Kurt Metzger?

  Some vodka.

• 1:20:29Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:29Kurt Metzger?

  Anyway, um, wait, oh, my phone, excuse me. I, I, my phone is blowing up right now?

• 1:20:35Duncan Trussell?

  Why? Is, are these...

• 1:20:37Kurt Metzger?

  Because people want this property, but I heard nobody, nobody's led me to the ideas I needed to realize it.

• 1:20:44Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, I'm telling you, this is it.

• 1:20:45Kurt Metzger?

  There's one piece missing from this fucking picture, and that's Seth Simon. And, and I know these things, man, I'm a doctor.

• 1:20:51Duncan Trussell?

  He could help us punch it up.

• 1:20:53Kurt Metzger?

  And I would like him, because I think so far we've got on our hands a real, the film of, that, uh, that today's audience will identify with.

• 1:21:02Duncan Trussell?

  Absolutely.

• 1:21:03Kurt Metzger?

  I think there's something for everyone to see themselves in America in.

• 1:21:06Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I do, too.

• 1:21:07Kurt Metzger?

  And a lot of foreign markets, they're gonna see themselves.

• 1:21:10Duncan Trussell?

  I think it's incredible.

• 1:21:11Kurt Metzger?

  Will you go back to my, uh...

• 1:21:12Duncan Trussell?

  This is a four-quadrant film. It's great for kids.

• 1:21:16Kurt Metzger?

  We haven't even cleared it with my son yet. Wait, go back to the guy. Go back to...

• 1:21:20Duncan Trussell?

  We gotta get him to agree to be in this.

• 1:21:22Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, Tanner, I hope you guys are on that. This one. What's his fucking name? Go back to him. Okay, we're getting ahead of ourselves, and, and there's a lot of great work. They took a team of people to make that poster. Oh, you know what? Fuck it. Fuck my son. I wanna, I, that came out wrong.

• 1:21:37Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck? Honestly, is, but let's talk about the, a potential...

• 1:21:42Kurt Metzger?

  Because people are gonna take that wrong, okay? I'm saying fuck the thing.

• 1:21:45Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, but wait, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. Don't censor your...

• 1:21:47Kurt Metzger?

  Please don't fuck me on this like you did last week.

• 1:22:22Speaker 01

  Uh oh. Now y'all are gay.

• 1:22:31Duncan Trussell?

  Don't censor yourself.

• 1:22:32Kurt Metzger?

  Cause last week, I don't know if you remember what I said, but uh, guess what didn't get cut? The exact thing I asked.

• 1:22:37Duncan Trussell?

  But you did say you wanna fuck your son.

• 1:22:39Kurt Metzger?

  You know, if I did surgery like that, I'd be out of business.

• 1:22:43Duncan Trussell?

  Doctor Shots, you did say you wanna fuck your son. You gotta follow that creative, like, what does that mean?

• 1:22:48Kurt Metzger?

  No, no, that, yo, again, this is, okay, what's his name?

• 1:22:54Duncan Trussell?

  Is that like a tension in the film?

• 1:22:57Kurt Metzger?

  Look at, do you see my?

• 1:22:58Duncan Trussell?

  Is there a tension between you and him? In this film?

• 1:23:02Kurt Metzger?

  Um, we're not.

• 1:23:03Duncan Trussell?

  You have to be brave enough to just.

• 1:23:04Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, hey, hey, we're not going for the pom de ur.

• 1:23:11Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, what am I, Armie Hammer in his last role Hollywood loved?

• 1:23:17Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, remember, do we have to watch the ad really? Do you remember when Armie Hammer, oh, it's just romantic music. Well, it's terrible.

• 1:23:23Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:24Kurt Metzger?

  Do you remember how? Um, Armie Hammer was in, uh, Call Me By Your Name? Put, uh, put, put that, just a preview of it. So they all hated him after, cause he said he was gonna eat a bitch on the phone. But again, did he eat a bitch?

• 1:23:37Duncan Trussell?

  No, but he was, I guess it's cause he said he was.

• 1:23:40Kurt Metzger?

  The guy is all talk, but he's actually a pussy. A guy is actually a beta. I'll eat the bitch, okay? That's Doctor Shots for you. That's the gritty old Doctor Shots. And that's why it's gonna be so interesting for him to meet his son. It's like, uh, in God of War where they made you raise a teenage boy, in the newer sequels of the game.

• 1:23:59Duncan Trussell?

  Divorce, God of War, divorce dad.

• 1:24:01Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, and now you can play as the mom and see what she was doing during the separation. Do you, I'm not making that up.

• 1:24:06Duncan Trussell?

  I heard about that expansion.

• 1:24:08Kurt Metzger?

  They said, they're selling expansion where you can play as the divorced mom?

• 1:24:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I heard about it.

• 1:24:12Kurt Metzger?

  I.

• 1:24:13Duncan Trussell?

  I like God of War.

• 1:24:15Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, but the real war is marriage and kids, isn't it?

• 1:24:20Kurt Metzger?

  That's, I think, the point of it.

• 1:24:23Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, but no, that's just, look. Uh, the, I'm getting overstimmed, if I'm being honest. I've gotta call myself.

• 1:24:29Duncan Trussell?

  I gotta go, I gotta take a shit.

• 1:24:31Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, and then also, I'm holding shit, but I wanna hear that trans woman speak that they were talking over before we shit.

• 1:24:37Duncan Trussell?

  Which woman, the CIA lady?

• 1:24:39Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, I wanna hear what she said.

• 1:24:40Duncan Trussell?

  We'll come back to that.

• 1:24:42Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:24:49Duncan Trussell?

  What was this? Somehow I missed all of this. Is this new?

• 1:24:53Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 1:24:53Duncan Trussell?

  News?

• 1:24:54Speaker 04

  I don't know, I just Googled trans CIA agent.

• 1:24:57Duncan Trussell?

  Fucking weird.

• 1:24:58Speaker 04

  This is from August 17th, so.

• 1:25:00Duncan Trussell?

  So this is some kind of Pence CIA?

• 1:25:03Kurt Metzger?

  This is when they were kicking USAID out and they.

• 1:25:06Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, okay, okay, okay.

• 1:25:08Kurt Metzger?

  So, but they're not gonna say something with Israel, so they're gonna go like, oh, he hates trans. But Mike Pence, as, uh, Daryl James, the SSP veteran told us, is a piece of shit. And I do believe, that's why I believe this story, cause he knows Mike Pence is a fucking.

• 1:25:21Duncan Trussell?

  Pence is always weird, man.

• 1:25:22Kurt Metzger?

  Somebody has a close up of him passing like one, a coin of one of them secret societies.

• 1:25:26Duncan Trussell?

  He just is, he just seems so strange.

• 1:25:30Kurt Metzger?

  It sounds like the exact story of Daryl James.

• 1:25:33Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, it does. Wait, did, did he say Pence was an alien or something?

• 1:25:37Kurt Metzger?

  No, he said that the, his handler, Robert, was from a timeline where they, they eugenics everybody and it fucked up.

• 1:25:46Duncan Trussell?

  Are we rolling, you guys?

• 1:25:47Kurt Metzger?

  But as a side effect, everybody kind of looked like their Mike Pence are related to Mike Pence. So his handler looked like.

• 1:25:53Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 1:25:54Kurt Metzger?

  Now, I bet you, huh, Mike Pence was his handler, probably, is what it means, but I don't know.

• 1:26:01Duncan Trussell?

  Like, whatever this is, is odd. The Pence CIA transgender analyst. I, I don't, it's just very odd, very modern, very in tune with the zeitgeist, very weird.

• 1:26:13Kurt Metzger?

  What is the zeitgeist? Is that another, another Israeli thing?

• 1:26:16Duncan Trussell?

  Means the world spirit. You never heard of the zeitgeist?

• 1:26:19Kurt Metzger?

  The, oh, the world ghost?

• 1:26:21Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:22Kurt Metzger?

  The zeitgeist?

• 1:26:23Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, basically, it's, it's like.

• 1:26:24Kurt Metzger?

  Who made that up, by the way?

• 1:26:26Duncan Trussell?

  That's fucking, um, what is that?

• 1:26:28Speaker 04

  German.

• 1:26:29Duncan Trussell?

  Schopenhauer, who?

• 1:26:30Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's a good thing, and Tanner probably was a German.

• 1:26:32Speaker 04

  That's what it says.

• 1:26:33Kurt Metzger?

  A great, great word.

• 1:26:34Duncan Trussell?

  Hegel.

• 1:26:35Kurt Metzger?

  That's really good word.

• 1:26:35Duncan Trussell?

  Hegel.

• 1:26:36Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, fucking Hegel.

• 1:26:38Duncan Trussell?

  Zeitgeist.

• 1:26:39Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, I hate that old wizard.

• 1:26:41Duncan Trussell?

  But yeah, it's, it's literally like.

• 1:26:42Kurt Metzger?

  I hate the dialectic, that's what I hate the most, that's the two party system.

• 1:26:45Duncan Trussell?

  But, but if you, it's a good word, forget the rest of it. If you look at the spirit of the times, that's very in tune with the, at least the political zeitgeist, this weird shit like that. Like, just strange crossovers that don't make sense and give you a, a, an uneasy feeling.

• 1:27:01Kurt Metzger?

  Give me an example of one, though, that's an interesting idea.

• 1:27:02Duncan Trussell?

  Mike Pence connecting with a transgendered CIA analyst in a kind of public way, clearly funded by some kind of PR campaign, or

• 1:27:14Duncan Trussell?

  with the intent of spreading some form of propaganda, that is within the political zeitgeist. That is the kind of stuff.

• 1:27:21Kurt Metzger?

  So that's why I hate zeitgeist. You see how zeitgeist, in this case, is, is another name for a matrix formed by the world's ghost eating you and digesting you like Saturn? I hate it.

• 1:27:32Duncan Trussell?

  Sure.

• 1:27:33Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, um, one, no, that's not a weird connection. Mike Pence is involved in very bad things. And so, and here at Mystery Boys, one thing that we love to point out is, um, things like that where this doesn't make any sense, but then you look into it and it turns out, no, it actually makes lots of sense if you bother to look into it a little bit.

• 1:27:52Duncan Trussell?

  How, how, what's the connection here?

• 1:27:54Kurt Metzger?

  Well, he's part of the filthiest secret societies there are.

• 1:27:57Duncan Trussell?

  Which ones?

• 1:27:58Kurt Metzger?

  The CIA, for starters, as she, so, play the video, well, play the thing first.

• 1:28:03Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, what is Pence's connection to the CIA?

• 1:28:05Kurt Metzger?

  Well, let's listen.

• 1:28:09Kurt Metzger?

  Well, all these guys like him, their connection is Monarch, don't ever forget that, it's Monarch. But let's hear what she says.

• 1:28:16Speaker 07

  Incredible. And for me personally, who had had these two dreams all of my life, unexplainable in either case, of wanting to be a CIA officer and having this conviction that I should have been born a woman.

• 1:28:30Kurt Metzger?

  It's not unexplainable, bitch.

• 1:28:31Speaker 07

  It was incredible to see both of these things happen together and have Mike Pence be the one to tell my mom that she should be proud of her daughter.

• 1:28:40Kurt Metzger?

  Will you hear this?

• 1:28:40Speaker 07

  I have covered Mike Pence for a long time, that story doesn't surprise me.

• 1:28:46Kurt Metzger?

  Me neither. Yo, that is dark, wow. Play the, what she said at the beginning, play the beginning, what she said again, listen to it one more time if you're not catching it. If you're not a doctor at home, go ahead, play it, play it.

• 1:28:57Speaker 07

  Can you talk about what happened, um, towards the end with, with Mike Pence and what he said to you? He had asked me to extend and I, I did work an additional few months and then at the end, he invited my family to the West Wing, uh, including my mother, uh, and he had, uh, my mom had had a very difficult time, uh, at one point with my transition, when I transitioned genders, uh, many years before. And I'm standing there in Mike Pence's ceremonial West Wing office, and he's taking my mother's hand and he said, "You must be very proud of your daughter."

• 1:29:36Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, what happened?

• 1:29:38Speaker 07

  And I'm just sitting there looking at the scene and thinking, this is, we, this is, you know, this is incredible. And for me personally, who had had these two dreams all of my life, unexplainable in either case, of wanting to be a CIA officer and having this conviction that I should have been born a woman.

• 1:29:57Kurt Metzger?

  Uh huh.

• 1:29:58Speaker 07

  It was incredible to see both of these things happen together and have Mike Pence be.

• 1:30:02Kurt Metzger?

  Have you solved the mystery?

• 1:30:04Speaker 07

  To tell my mom.

• 1:30:05Kurt Metzger?

  You, did anybody solve the mystery of what the fuck is up with that?

• 1:30:08Duncan Trussell?

  What, solve it, solve it.

• 1:30:10Kurt Metzger?

  Holy shit, so Mike Pence, because he's a fucking scum creep, asked this trans CIA person to extend their service and then invited even their mother to the White House ceremonial room, okay, and said, "You must be very proud."

• 1:30:25Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:25Kurt Metzger?

  The mother had a problem with her son being castrated, but Mike Pence, the fucking boy handler who facilitated this Ky Bell worship, the ceremonial room of the sacred Androgyn that the CIA filth worship in. He told the mother who wasn't sure about sacrificing her boy's balls, "You must be very proud of your daughter." So he's gaslighting the bitch on top of whatever shit happened to this fucking poor bastard that gave them the inexplicable dreams of A, wanting to join the CIA.

• 1:30:59Duncan Trussell?

  Crazy dreams.

• 1:31:01Kurt Metzger?

  We can't explain, why would a little boy feel this their whole life? A weird pull they've never felt.

• 1:31:06Duncan Trussell?

  There's two things I want.

• 1:31:08Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I need to join the CIA and be, have, be castrated and say I'm a woman and my mom goes.

• 1:31:13Duncan Trussell?

  What do you wanna be when you grow up?

• 1:31:14Kurt Metzger?

  So, ever hear of the programming that we, uh, Doctor Shots keeps telling you about? Do you see how sinister what you just fucking heard was? That was MK Monarch fucking vile shit. If you're too stupid to see it, that's the goal. That means you're successfully autistic enough. Uh, Seth Simon? Seth Simon, I know you're a fucking spurn, but can you read between the lines on the fucking evil that you just heard? You sweet man, and then can you judge our script and stop jerking me around?

• 1:31:45Duncan Trussell?

  Who even?

• 1:31:45Kurt Metzger?

  I sent you a script to look at, did you look at it? We worked hard on that.

• 1:31:50Duncan Trussell?

  Who even knows about the CIA when they're a kid? I mean, that's the craziest shit.

• 1:31:55Kurt Metzger?

  It, uh, you know, she did say it was unusual.

• 1:31:59Duncan Trussell?

  She, yeah.

• 1:31:59Kurt Metzger?

  So you live in a fucking Amaruca and people sacrifice their kids' dicks to the beast.

• 1:32:06Duncan Trussell?

  So she was some kind of like?

• 1:32:09Kurt Metzger?

  The sacred Androgyn, goes back to, uh, Garfield.

• 1:32:11Duncan Trussell?

  Or like?

• 1:32:12Kurt Metzger?

  You see the Garfield, uh, the president that got shot, uh, by James Gattu?

• 1:32:17Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:32:18Kurt Metzger?

  Netflix has a little thing about it. You know, James A. Garfield, he was the president that was shot?

• 1:32:24Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:26Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so he was in, um, that, uh, The French Masons, do you know that?

• 1:32:33Kurt Metzger?

  Seth's gonna like this.

• 1:32:35Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know about the French Masons.

• 1:32:36Kurt Metzger?

  The ones, that's where the creepiest shit of Freemasons started.

• 1:32:40Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:32:41Kurt Metzger?

  Even though Freemasons itself, without the French part, what are you doing? Look, without saying it did anything bad, why are you going there and why the fuck are you doing that?

• 1:32:51Duncan Trussell?

  Seems fun.

• 1:32:51Kurt Metzger?

  I still don't get it why you're doing it. Oh, to build better men. Where are these men?

• 1:32:56Duncan Trussell?

  Honestly, I'm gonna-

• 1:32:57Kurt Metzger?

  You mean Shaq?

• 1:32:58Duncan Trussell?

  I-

• 1:32:58Kurt Metzger?

  Fuck you.

• 1:32:59Duncan Trussell?

  I think it seems fun.

• 1:33:01Kurt Metzger?

  Right, but why? Why are, why would you join? It's like a fraternity. Why do we have those things at all?

• 1:33:08Duncan Trussell?

  I just feel like-

• 1:33:10Kurt Metzger?

  Anyone?

• 1:33:10Duncan Trussell?

  I think that there could be a lot to learn from it and I think people who-

• 1:33:15Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, there's a lot to learn.

• 1:33:16Duncan Trussell?

  Have the impulse to ask about becoming a Mason.

• 1:33:18Kurt Metzger?

  Dr. Shots will teach you in one party.

• 1:33:20Duncan Trussell?

  Because there might be more to it than what Dr. Shots has to say.

• 1:33:23Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, Dr. Shots ain't perfect. Sometimes people survive a party with Dr. Shots. But they got stories from the afterlife, I could tell you that.

• 1:33:30Duncan Trussell?

  I think it seems like a great activity for young men.

• 1:33:33Kurt Metzger?

  Are you doing the tri- yo, don't put the triangle of manifestation on me.

• 1:33:36Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not doing no triangle.

• 1:33:37Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, you're doing-

• 1:33:38Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Shots!

• 1:33:39Kurt Metzger?

  Yo-

• 1:33:40Duncan Trussell?

  That just looks like a triangle to you!

• 1:33:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, I know. You gotta get up pretty, yo, I'm a, I'm a wandering-

• 1:33:49Kurt Metzger?

  Dot, I'm a wandering party Kevorkian doctor. Do you understand that? So you gotta get up pretty early to put one over on Dr. Shots. With a mudra that I can't identify.

• 1:33:58Duncan Trussell?

  It's not a mudra.

• 1:34:00Kurt Metzger?

  Of course it is, and I can tell you the exact one. It means you're a homo.

• 1:34:03Duncan Trussell?

  I'll show you your-

• 1:34:04Kurt Metzger?

  Alright, let's get going.

• 1:34:04Duncan Trussell?

  I'll show you the only mudra. How about that one, Dr. Shots? What does that mean?

• 1:34:10Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it's like, I can see-

• 1:34:11Duncan Trussell?

  So get off my back if I do this, it doesn't mean it makes it-

• 1:34:13Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, when we make the preview, the clips of the movie preview? That's a scene, like, that's in the, in the preview? Tell me what that means, Dr. Shots.

• 1:34:26Duncan Trussell?

  I love it. I really love that ma- you, you-

• 1:34:29Kurt Metzger?

  Now, hold on just a minute. Masonic handshakes and he- hand signs and handshakes.

• 1:34:34Duncan Trussell?

  That doesn't seem secret.

• 1:34:36Kurt Metzger?

  Um, it's not.

• 1:34:37Duncan Trussell?

  A lot of these don't seem secret, like this, that's not-

• 1:34:39Kurt Metzger?

  Well, we're, okay, so Garfield, who was shot, I wanna point this out. Um, Dr. Heather Lynn, friend of the show, Dr. Heather Lynn?

• 1:34:46Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 1:34:47Kurt Metzger?

  She went to, I've ca- I don't know what archive she went to. She'll tell you when we see her at that thing. Um, so, you ever hear of the Palladium level of Freemason that supposedly doesn't exist?

• 1:34:58Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 1:34:59Kurt Metzger?

  You're a real fucking son of a bitch.

• 1:35:03Kurt Metzger?

  Do you ever hear the guy-

• 1:35:04Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know anything about the Masons, but I do think it'd be a great activity for a young man who wanted to-

• 1:35:08Kurt Metzger?

  Seth says you seem to know quite a lot.

• 1:35:09Duncan Trussell?

  Serve his community.

• 1:35:10Kurt Metzger?

  My friend Seth Simon says you do, you're obsessed with it, as a matter of fact, so that don't add up. And you think Seth's lying? Cause I don't think he is. Oh my god, thank you. Uh, now there we go, being useful. Let's look right to the right there of what, uh, my friend, what was your name again, sir?

• 1:35:25Duncan Trussell?

  I don't remember. Oh, god damn it!

• 1:35:28Kurt Metzger?

  Irving Copperfield.

• 1:35:30Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:35:31Kurt Metzger?

  Now, if we look right here, look at the hand sign you made, the triangle of manifestation.

• 1:35:36Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:35:36Kurt Metzger?

  There it is.

• 1:35:38Duncan Trussell?

  That's not the, what I was doing, though.

• 1:35:41Duncan Trussell?

  So-

• 1:35:41Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 1:35:42Duncan Trussell?

  I wasn't doing the triangle of manifestation.

• 1:35:45Kurt Metzger?

  What were you doing?

• 1:35:46Duncan Trussell?

  Doesn't fucking matter. What are you, the fucking hand shape police?

• 1:35:49Kurt Metzger?

  Well, oh, those two guy, those, those two black guys? Okay.

• 1:35:54Duncan Trussell?

  I'll make any hand shape I want, and, and I'll decide if I'm manifesting through it.

• 1:35:58Kurt Metzger?

  You know what? We won't know, honestly, we could all talk about what kinda hand shape is what, and this is a fact. We won't know what kinda it is until I stick my dick through it a few times.

• 1:36:07Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, well, you don't have to vulgarize everything.

• 1:36:11Kurt Metzger?

  No, no, that's the, that's the, um, uh, the finger of Osiris that unlocks the key.

• 1:36:17Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, the Masons have been around for a long time. I mean, to last that long, there must be something there that's cool.

• 1:36:25Kurt Metzger?

  Oh shit, you know? You know, I never-

• 1:36:31Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, you know what? I never even considered that.

• 1:36:34Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, they've been around a long time.

• 1:36:36Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you just blew the shit out of me.

• 1:36:37Duncan Trussell?

  To last that long, to last that long.

• 1:36:40Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, look at, is that LeBron?

• 1:36:43Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, he's just doing hand shapes. That doesn't mean anything.

• 1:36:47Kurt Metzger?

  And to me, that's what that hand sign will always mean. Hey, it's been around, Seth, could you say that again? That was beautiful.

• 1:36:53Duncan Trussell?

  It's been around a long, long time, so there's probably something to it. There could be something there. That's all.

• 1:37:00Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, man, I've, I, I had never even, even all my years as a doctor.

• 1:37:05Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Shots, look, just cause you're a doctor, doesn't mean you know everything. And you know, you're not gonna think of everything. But yeah, the Masons, they've been around a long time. And if I, I'll tell you one thing, I'm an older dude, if I was a younger man, in kind of wondering like, how do I become a better person? I don't know, that's one thing I'd check out, among other things.

• 1:37:23Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I'm getting distracted, sorry. The legal Delta 9 and the ginseng mixture is not as good as you would think.

• 1:37:30Duncan Trussell?

  What do you mean?

• 1:37:31Kurt Metzger?

  Little bit low on the ginseng, put it that way. A little higher than the Delta 9, this one.

• 1:37:35Duncan Trussell?

  I kinda noticed that. I didn't taste any-

• 1:37:36Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I'm almost ready for surgery.

• 1:37:38Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't taste any ginseng at all.

• 1:37:41Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, it might have not, um, you know, honest to God, it might be just, just Delta 9.

• 1:37:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:46Kurt Metzger?

  Like, I, you know, I mean, I've expanded my second butthole today, I can tell you that.

• 1:37:50Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, I am, I'm widening too this month.

• 1:37:54Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, right between, right here and the second butthole.

• 1:37:57Duncan Trussell?

  You know, October's always been a widening month for me.

• 1:38:00Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, oh, yeah, dude, uh, how do we make a? Can you get on something with this of making like a ga- a gaped, uh, like a sober October with a gaping, like gaper, gape- gapedember?

• 1:38:14Speaker 04

  Gapedober?

• 1:38:16Duncan Trussell?

  Gapedober's great.

• 1:38:18Kurt Metzger?

  Guys, it's gapedober.

• 1:38:19Duncan Trussell?

  Gapedober. Guys, it's gapedober. We're all widening right now.

• 1:38:22Kurt Metzger?

  How's your forehead? Is it wide or?

• 1:38:23Speaker 04

  I already lost gapedober.

• 1:38:25Duncan Trussell?

  You stopped, you dropped out?

• 1:38:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:38:28Duncan Trussell?

  I have not dropped out, I'm still widening. It's uncomfortable.

• 1:38:31Kurt Metzger?

  You said I've had enough gaping for the season?

• 1:38:33Speaker 04

  Well, I can't go anymore, my taint's too small.

• 1:38:35Duncan Trussell?

  You can go further. You should read David Goggins.

• 1:38:38Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, and that, you, and I, and I know the science on this, the surgery, there's nothing they could do for that.

• 1:38:43Speaker 04

  I don't know what to do.

• 1:38:44Kurt Metzger?

  You'd be better off becoming a woman, probably.

• 1:38:46Speaker 04

  Hey.

• 1:38:47Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, if you wanted to go the surgery route. I, I, I believe in people going all natural, but you know how it is in today's fast-paced Hollywood world.

• 1:38:53Duncan Trussell?

  I, I hate that all natural thing. I say, go surgery.

• 1:38:56Speaker 04

  Dr. Shots, what do I do for my little taint?

• 1:39:00Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, I, uh, there's counseling you can get, there is literally, there is nothing that can, that I know of. And I can personally, with, having only three white claws, and a lot of Delta 9, I can create, I can fashion a penis from, uh, the genitals of a, a biological female.

• 1:39:20Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, wait.

• 1:39:20Kurt Metzger?

  But I cannot make the taint, it's like leading a horse to water, but I can't make your taint.

• 1:39:24Duncan Trussell?

  Hold on, wait, wait, wait. I've got the scene. Okay, so, Dr. Shots's son somehow has seen how big Dr. Shots's taint is. His dad's taint is huge.

• 1:39:34Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my taint picks it's passed on to the next level.

• 1:39:36Duncan Trussell?

  No, this is a big moment, cause your son's taint is tiny. It's like a tiny, it's the, it's the Gen Z taint. So-

• 1:39:44Kurt Metzger?

  As long as you knock that bitch up, I don't care, son.

• 1:39:46Duncan Trussell?

  Here's the scene. He's telling you, he saw your taint, he's crying, he doesn't, he, he's got this tiny taint, and you ta- you, you're gonna tell him that, you know, in, in a Dr. Shots kinda way, even though he has a much smaller taint, you still love him. So, let's do the scene. Action.

• 1:40:04Kurt Metzger?

  You know?

• 1:40:05Duncan Trussell?

  Dad, I saw your taint!

• 1:40:06Kurt Metzger?

  This is like the biggest part of the movie, too.

• 1:40:08Duncan Trussell?

  Uh, dad, dad, I saw your taint. It's giant. I've never seen a taint that big, dad.

• 1:40:20Duncan Trussell?

  And mine's so small.

• 1:40:25Kurt Metzger?

  Look, uh, I always said I never wanted you to have to see my taint the way I, because I knew you had a small taint, and I knew you got up and you shit about it, and, and I would be too, cause that's a small ass taint.

• 1:40:41Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now I always try to do my best to cover it up for your boy, so he never had to even know. If I was in my power, you would've never even known. If they found my taint print, I would make a plastic cast of it, and I would send it to the Smithsonian to lock it up for 80 years.

• 1:40:57Kurt Metzger?

  Cause I know the ontological shock that it would do, never mind just to my son, but to our entire society. So, yeah, that is something I thought about.

• 1:41:05Duncan Trussell?

  But dad-

• 1:41:06Kurt Metzger?

  But-

• 1:41:06Duncan Trussell?

  How could you love me with a little taint?

• 1:41:08Kurt Metzger?

  Well, cause you knocked that bitch up. I never thought. No, I don't wanna get ahead of it, like, I'm just saying I could love you, because, you know, we just met.

• 1:41:18Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know, man.

• 1:41:19Kurt Metzger?

  Um, but, once you got that bitch pregnant, I realized that it's not about your taint or my taint, it's about the next generation.

• 1:41:25Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, how about a different, more angry scene? Dad, I saw you judging my taint.

• 1:41:30Kurt Metzger?

  Cause it's small.

• 1:41:31Duncan Trussell?

  I feel like you judged me for my taint. Yeah.

• 1:41:32Kurt Metzger?

  You want me to just say it? It's too small of a taint.

• 1:41:34Duncan Trussell?

  So what?

• 1:41:35Kurt Metzger?

  It's not varsity material.

• 1:41:37Duncan Trussell?

  Dad, my taint might not be big like yours, but my heart is open. And maybe that's something that you're missing.

• 1:41:45Kurt Metzger?

  Well, son, maybe it is. But that's why you're a-

• 1:41:58Kurt Metzger?

  No, I know, I'm on a Spielberg.

• 1:42:01Duncan Trussell?

  You don't wanna go deep into our film.

• 1:42:02Kurt Metzger?

  No, I do just Spielberg disclosure. Did you see that?

• 1:42:05Duncan Trussell?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:42:06Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, cuz that's the exact right amount.

• 1:42:08Duncan Trussell?

  You're blocking our film.

• 1:42:09Kurt Metzger?

  He leaves it up to you. No, now the story belongs to you. What did happen?

• 1:42:15Duncan Trussell?

  The story belongs to you. You decide. Vote. Should the movie?

• 1:42:21Kurt Metzger?

  Should it end on him?

• 1:42:24Duncan Trussell?

  Should the movie end?

• 1:42:26Kurt Metzger?

  With just him going, cuz you're...

• 1:42:29Kurt Metzger?

  I can't repeat it. We could say it once, you know, but only once.

• 1:42:34Duncan Trussell?

  Or should the movie have another thirty minutes?

• 1:42:35Kurt Metzger?

  Honestly, I think we should cut the Epsom out. That was my, what I said, but I don't know. A lot of people like it.

• 1:42:41Duncan Trussell?

  I don't think we can even do the poll.

• 1:42:43Kurt Metzger?

  But a lot of people like it. And I, I don't know. I don't know. That's not my call. It's not, to me, I wouldn't walk.

• 1:42:49Duncan Trussell?

  I do. I'm gonna say this. With all due respect, I think things got a little emotional. You threw out a slur. You got scared.

• 1:42:56Kurt Metzger?

  Maybe that's why we get, have a problem cuz I said it, you know?

• 1:42:59Duncan Trussell?

  Things were getting too deep for you.

• 1:43:01Kurt Metzger?

  Cuz I mean, I mean, like, I don't know. I mean, that guy obviously is doing a joke, though, cuz that's too, whoa.

• 1:43:07Duncan Trussell?

  It's a powerful scene, man.

• 1:43:09Kurt Metzger?

  Boy, now that, why not do that on a magazine cover instead of that stupid triangle? That, that I like.

• 1:43:13Duncan Trussell?

  I wasn't doing a triangle.

• 1:43:15Kurt Metzger?

  What was it?

• 1:43:16Duncan Trussell?

  It wa, doesn't matter. Again, it's just a hand shape. Why do you even care what hand shapes people are making?

• 1:43:22Kurt Metzger?

  Well, a lava means something, and sometimes it means something important.

• 1:43:25Duncan Trussell?

  Why do you even care?

• 1:43:26Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you know, being a doctor, and I don't like this term, but being like a slash hobo slash doctor, slash abortion doctor. Oh, yeah. No, hand signs matter a lot. I'm watching, I'm riding the rails sometimes.

• 1:43:39Duncan Trussell?

  I wouldn't pay attention.

• 1:43:40Kurt Metzger?

  Well, if I see a, that's, you would never survive out there.

• 1:43:44Duncan Trussell?

  I wouldn't pay attention.

• 1:43:45Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well, you would, you would once you fucking...

• 1:43:47Duncan Trussell?

  I will say this, if I had advice to, to, to anyone watching.

• 1:43:50Kurt Metzger?

  I'll tell my son that. Don't you be on these rails not paying attention, boy.

• 1:43:53Duncan Trussell?

  My advice would be, I wouldn't pay attention. If I could say...

• 1:43:56Kurt Metzger?

  You're gonna go on a snow cone to these freaks.

• 1:43:57Duncan Trussell?

  If I could say anything to the world, this would be on my tombstone. I wouldn't pay attention.

• 1:44:02Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, no, I do like that cuz that's the moral of the story.

• 1:44:05Duncan Trussell?

  Don't pay attention.

• 1:44:07Kurt Metzger?

  I wouldn't pay attention.

• 1:44:08Duncan Trussell?

  I wouldn't pay attention.

• 1:44:09Kurt Metzger?

  I wouldn't.

• 1:44:10Duncan Trussell?

  Just keep doing your thing, guys. Look, the world's great and there's lots of fun stuff.

• 1:44:14Kurt Metzger?

  Just wanna keep my head down and do my job.

• 1:44:16Duncan Trussell?

  Now you're getting it. Just, you know, get out there, network, socialize. You will make friends.

• 1:44:24Kurt Metzger?

  Is that the fucking hill you wanna die on?

• 1:44:26Duncan Trussell?

  Meet your friends, meet your wife, meet your friends.

• 1:44:30Kurt Metzger?

  Bad F C Island.

• 1:44:32Duncan Trussell?

  And then you wake up, you go to work, and your family will be fine, and then you, that's that. But all the other stuff, don't pay attention, right?

• 1:44:40Kurt Metzger?

  You know, there's a movie that blew, I think, kinda changed the zeitgeist, if you will.

• 1:44:45Duncan Trussell?

  The Paw Patrol movie.

• 1:44:50Kurt Metzger?

  No, more, a little more recent. And it was about, oh, are we living in the real world or not? And it starred Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles as her husband.

• 1:44:59Speaker 04

  Don't worry, darling.

• 1:45:00Kurt Metzger?

  Don't worry, darling.

• 1:45:01Duncan Trussell?

  I don't think I saw it.

• 1:45:02Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, you have never seen the most important movies.

• 1:45:06Duncan Trussell?

  I wanna, I wanna see this.

• 1:45:07Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, is there a preview that we could show? Do you know, or do you know the story of it?

• 1:45:10Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 1:45:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, I saw it.

• 1:45:12Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, can you explain to Duncan a little bit?

• 1:45:14Duncan Trussell?

  What is it?

• 1:45:15Speaker 04

  Well, I don't wanna ruin it.

• 1:45:17Kurt Metzger?

  So she has this life, right? This like fake, perfect fifties life?

• 1:45:20Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 1:45:21Kurt Metzger?

  And, and then she's like, they're like, none of them are fat, but they all sit around drinking by the pool.

• 1:45:26Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:27Kurt Metzger?

  And he eats her pussy out on the counter all the time.

• 1:45:29Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:45:31Kurt Metzger?

  You know, a real hellhole of fucking, almost Muslim Sharia life.

• 1:45:34Duncan Trussell?

  So what's the story?

• 1:45:37Kurt Metzger?

  And then she realizes something's wrong and this world is fake, and it's...

• 1:45:41Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, it's like Truman Show.

• 1:45:43Kurt Metzger?

  And then, it turns out, in real life, she's a very busy surgeon, like Dr. Shots.

• 1:45:50Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 1:45:51Kurt Metzger?

  She's a brain surgeon.

• 1:45:52Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:45:52Kurt Metzger?

  A successful woman brain surgeon.

• 1:45:54Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:55Kurt Metzger?

  And her husband takes care of her on a bed, and she's like hooked up to machines, and like turns over and changes her cuz he didn't want her working? Cuz he's like a loser? So you know how realistically, no.

• 1:46:06Duncan Trussell?

  She's hallucinating?

• 1:46:08Kurt Metzger?

  But think how this blows your mind cuz you're like, oh, obviously. Yeah, like, so the husband is threatened by his successful brain surgery wife.

• 1:46:14Duncan Trussell?

  Oh.

• 1:46:15Kurt Metzger?

  So he opts to keep her unconscious on life support and change her diapers and shit, so she can't go to work as like a very rich Dr. Shots-like surgeon.

• 1:46:25Duncan Trussell?

  So it's like her hallucinating?

• 1:46:27Kurt Metzger?

  And the, the husband just is like a loser, and he works a really shitty job and then takes care of her.

• 1:46:33Duncan Trussell?

  How's he generating income with a incapacitated brain surgeon wife?

• 1:46:37Kurt Metzger?

  I assume the tech is free or something, and, um, anyway.

• 1:46:41Duncan Trussell?

  What, they're put, it's like a computer simulation?

• 1:46:44Kurt Metzger?

  I'll tell you what.

• 1:46:44Duncan Trussell?

  This is the dumbest movie I've ever...

• 1:46:46Kurt Metzger?

  Let me tell you what I said when I, when I seen it.

• 1:46:48Duncan Trussell?

  Think of our movie.

• 1:46:49Kurt Metzger?

  Did you say something?

• 1:46:49Duncan Trussell?

  Why are you bringing this shit up?

• 1:46:51Kurt Metzger?

  This broad's a genius, the director.

• 1:46:53Duncan Trussell?

  Think about our movie.

• 1:46:55Kurt Metzger?

  No, what I'm saying is...

• 1:46:57Duncan Trussell?

  We have come up with the best movie of the, of the age.

• 1:47:01Kurt Metzger?

  Well, okay.

• 1:47:02Duncan Trussell?

  And you're bringing up whatever the fuck this Florence Pugh shit is?

• 1:47:06Kurt Metzger?

  Florence, Florence the Pugh.

• 1:47:09Duncan Trussell?

  Ah.

• 1:47:09Kurt Metzger?

  Florence the Pugh.

• 1:47:10Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, it's crazy. It's like, this is...

• 1:47:12Kurt Metzger?

  Because I'm worried about...

• 1:47:14Duncan Trussell?

  This is how Orson Welles felt. Citizen Kane. This is the moment of the inception of something great.

• 1:47:19Kurt Metzger?

  Kinda fat and drunk, yeah.

• 1:47:20Duncan Trussell?

  You're showing me Florence fucking Pugh? Like, seriously? We came up with something so weird.

• 1:47:36Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Shots is so good.

• 1:47:39Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, wait.

• 1:47:40Duncan Trussell?

  It could be Pixar, it could be animated.

• 1:47:42Kurt Metzger?

  We have Tom Hanks.

• 1:47:48Kurt Metzger?

  All aboard?

• 1:47:52Kurt Metzger?

  Do you remember there was a guy that, I'm not making this up, was doing vasectomies, like, he, he was like a Dr. Kevorkian, but of...

• 1:48:00Duncan Trussell?

  For vasectomies?

• 1:48:01Kurt Metzger?

  But of, of your sperm tubes.

• 1:48:03Duncan Trussell?

  That's cool. That's something Dr. Shots...

• 1:48:05Kurt Metzger?

  It was a vasectomy truck. Do you, do you, did anybody remember seeing that? Vasectomy truck?

• 1:48:13Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, wait, um, but like doc, like, add like doctor to it cuz I don't, that could, that could be a porn.

• 1:48:21Kurt Metzger?

  Vasectomy truck.

• 1:48:25Speaker 04

  Doctor Christopher Yang performed a vasectomy.

• 1:48:28Kurt Metzger?

  No, it's a news story. It wouldn't be like, you, you have to go past the A I overview that...

• 1:48:33Speaker 04

  The electric truck to power a vasectomy?

• 1:48:35Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, supposedly he would drive around neighborhoods playing the Cocoon Melon songs.

• 1:48:41Duncan Trussell?

  Dads would run out to give vasectomies.

• 1:48:44Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:48:52Duncan Trussell?

  The wheels on the bus go round and round.

• 1:48:55Kurt Metzger?

  It's a vasectomy truck, yeah?

• 1:48:56Duncan Trussell?

  People would just run out.

• 1:48:57Kurt Metzger?

  And then the Cocoon Melon plays out of it.

• 1:49:03Kurt Metzger?

  Fucking, who's fucking guy to fix you? Oh, yeah, you, yeah, go ahead and fucking cauterize my fucking dick cords in your truck.

• 1:49:12Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:49:13Kurt Metzger?

  Is that him?

• 1:49:14Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:49:15Duncan Trussell?

  He just drives around neighborhoods, playing Miss Rachel.

• 1:49:19Kurt Metzger?

  If I, and, and you could judge me all you want, guys, okay? But if that's the face you got when I come to your vasectomy truck, I feel like I don't want that vasectomy.

• 1:49:29Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, I'm, no, that's exactly the face I want in the person giving me a vasectomy.

• 1:49:33Kurt Metzger?

  Imagine you're like, you're...

• 1:49:34Duncan Trussell?

  Look at that. That's a good face.

• 1:49:36Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I'm not sure if I wanna get a, a, a back of a truck vasectomy, and then that's, oh, what do you want, a fucking vasectomy?

• 1:49:43Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, it's a Rivian. I guess it still counts as a truck, but it's not...

• 1:49:46Kurt Metzger?

  Like, is this sanitary? You guys like...

• 1:49:48Duncan Trussell?

  I don't, I, I don't think vasectomies are that hard.

• 1:49:50Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, I'm cleaning fish while I'm doing this, if you don't mind.

• 1:49:53Duncan Trussell?

  I don't think they're that hard.

• 1:49:55Kurt Metzger?

  I don't like his look, like, he's like, oh, that's your taint?

• 1:49:59Duncan Trussell?

  They're quick.

• 1:50:00Kurt Metzger?

  I could break taint. I know, I could cut taints, I can't grow them. That's the thing we say.

• 1:50:03Duncan Trussell?

  I do think that part of what Dr. Shots should do is give vasectomies.

• 1:50:08Kurt Metzger?

  Give or get?

• 1:50:09Duncan Trussell?

  Both. Like, you could reverse a vasectomy? You could reverse your own vasectomy? Maybe you meet, maybe you meet...

• 1:50:17Kurt Metzger?

  Maybe it's a miracle of me inhaling the, the spirits of, um, the people I party with. You know, it's a vital part of the Dr. Shot.

• 1:50:24Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you're right. We can't forget that part.

• 1:50:26Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, is it rated R down to a PG thirteen now?

• 1:50:29Duncan Trussell?

  That's where, that's the edge.

• 1:50:30Kurt Metzger?

  But did we keep the edge?

• 1:50:32Duncan Trussell?

  It's edgy.

• 1:50:33Kurt Metzger?

  Of that, every time that I help facilitate, you know, uh...

• 1:50:37Duncan Trussell?

  Facilitate a passing on.

• 1:50:38Kurt Metzger?

  What's a reverse, uh, doula?

• 1:50:42Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:50:43Kurt Metzger?

  What's the opposite of a doula?

• 1:50:44Duncan Trussell?

  Death doula.

• 1:50:45Kurt Metzger?

  A schmula?

• 1:50:46Duncan Trussell?

  Um...

• 1:50:48Kurt Metzger?

  A doula for deeper...

• 1:50:50Duncan Trussell?

  A silencer, a, a, a...

• 1:50:54Kurt Metzger?

  A psychopump.

• 1:50:56Duncan Trussell?

  Obliviator. It doesn't matter.

• 1:50:58Kurt Metzger?

  I'm less of a doctor, more of a psychopump.

• 1:50:59Duncan Trussell?

  You're letting people go. You're letting people free.

• 1:51:01Kurt Metzger?

  You know what a psychopump is?

• 1:51:02Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I do.

• 1:51:03Kurt Metzger?

  What is it?

• 1:51:04Duncan Trussell?

  You mean like birds? Like when birds...

• 1:51:06Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know what a psychopump is?

• 1:51:08Duncan Trussell?

  A psychopump. I, it's like birds that appear at the times of death.

• 1:51:11Kurt Metzger?

  Psychopumping, right in your biz.

• 1:51:16Kurt Metzger?

  You party with Dr. Shots.

• 1:51:20Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Shot.

• 1:51:21Kurt Metzger?

  Now psychopump takes you off of the lot. Psychopump!

• 1:51:26Duncan Trussell?

  Should you also be in a band?

• 1:51:28Kurt Metzger?

  Psychopump, yeah.

• 1:51:30Duncan Trussell?

  Is that overdoing it?

• 1:51:31Kurt Metzger?

  It's like Buckaroo Banzai, if you've ever seen that movie with Peter Weller.

• 1:51:34Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you, you're also like Miley Cyrus. You have a, you're secretly a famous rock star.

• 1:51:38Kurt Metzger?

  It's like Miley Cyrus, Hannah, Hannah Montana.

• 1:51:43Kurt Metzger?

  Handler Montana.

• 1:51:44Duncan Trussell?

  You're secretly famous as a musician.

• 1:51:47Kurt Metzger?

  She's like a, you know, a young chick, but she's kind of adult cuz she drinks a lot.

• 1:51:51Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know, man. Are we doing hat on a hat here? Like, I feel like it's a little too much.

• 1:51:54Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Hat on a Hat is the third in the Dr. Shots trilogy. Are we doing a hat on a hat here?

• 1:52:04Kurt Metzger?

  Tanner, you getting this? I need that, I need these posters whipped up.

• 1:52:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, working on it.

• 1:52:10Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. Because I feel like this has been a very productive business meeting.

• 1:52:15Duncan Trussell?

  See, I like the idea, Dr. Shots has had a vasectomy. He meets, now, I don't know, we're putting maybe too much in here.

• 1:52:21Kurt Metzger?

  That's why my kid came out like that.

• 1:52:23Duncan Trussell?

  Remember Brewster's Millions? Got to spend a million dollars to get the inheritance. In this case, you stumble upon a woman who has to get pregnant to get the inheritance.

• 1:52:33Kurt Metzger?

  And she's played by, uh, OnlyFans-owned Bonnie Blue.

• 1:52:37Duncan Trussell?

  Bonnie Blue. And you have, you, like, there's only like 10 minutes left, so you have to give yourself, you have to reverse your own vasectomy. You're like that Russian doctor who gave himself an appendectomy. You do surgery on yourself, reverse your own vasectomy, get her pregnant, and then she inherits the money, and then she gives you guys the money that you need to give your son breast implants.

• 1:53:01Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:53:01Duncan Trussell?

  That's how you get the money to give your son breast implants.

• 1:53:04Kurt Metzger?

  Purely just based with the eye of an experienced location scout, that's gonna be hell to shoot.

• 1:53:12Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, we're gonna have all the funding. You're thinking in terms of like, low budge. This is gonna be a, we're gonna have digger level financing.

• 1:53:21Kurt Metzger?

  Big time, okay?

• 1:53:22Duncan Trussell?

  This is gonna be huge.

• 1:53:23Kurt Metzger?

  Why did the female Ghostbusters movie not work out how they wanted? Anyone? Why?

• 1:53:28Duncan Trussell?

  Why? I don't know.

• 1:53:29Kurt Metzger?

  I'm asking you, and I want you to use your instincts.

• 1:53:31Duncan Trussell?

  I never saw it, I didn't get around to watching that.

• 1:53:33Kurt Metzger?

  You don't need to see it to know why. I bet you can use your, look, you, man, you asked me the questions of a qualified doctor, so I know inside you, you have a good, so you tell me.

• 1:53:44Duncan Trussell?

  Why did the Ghostbusters?

• 1:53:45Kurt Metzger?

  Look inside you, son, you're gonna play that kid with the gay hair and the.

• 1:53:48Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, okay, why did the Ghost, you're the all female, why did the all female?

• 1:53:52Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, this is one you're ashamed about, your taint.

• 1:53:54Duncan Trussell?

  Not work out.

• 1:53:55Kurt Metzger?

  Son, let me ask you a question.

• 1:53:57Duncan Trussell?

  Can we look at a preview for it? I don't, let me look at a preview, I'll tell you, based on the preview.

• 1:54:01Kurt Metzger?

  Then use what you're given to work with you. What? Why, son? This is how I answer your taint question from earlier. That, remember you were ashamed?

• 1:54:10Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah.

• 1:54:12Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. Let me ask you this, son.

• 1:54:15Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:54:15Kurt Metzger?

  Jean, uh.

• 1:54:17Duncan Trussell?

  What, Dad?

• 1:54:18Kurt Metzger?

  Why did the, uh, 2016 all females Ghostbusters reboot not work out?

• 1:54:22Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know, because they're all women?

• 1:54:25Kurt Metzger?

  No, no, no, well, let's watch it first, because I know you can, I know you'll get it if you see the preview. Can you please play the preview? Or at least the Taco Bell tie-in, or the Mountain Dew tie-in, or the Twinkie tie-in? Any of the things.

• 1:54:37Duncan Trussell?

  This is crazy, I thought it was like a spin-off or something.

• 1:54:41Kurt Metzger?

  No, it's in, it's a, yeah, it, there's a, they have a couple of.

• 1:54:47Duncan Trussell?

  It seems like they're not acknowledged.

• 1:54:49Kurt Metzger?

  Go back just a little bit, one more, one more, a little bit, more, one more. Okay, now.

• 1:54:54Duncan Trussell?

  Even the car looks.

• 1:54:55Kurt Metzger?

  Now. Um, uh, uh, what, tell me, what was your name again? Guy Touffei.

• 1:55:02Duncan Trussell?

  Sure.

• 1:55:02Kurt Metzger?

  Guy, I want you to watch this part.

• 1:55:04Duncan Trussell?

  All right.

• 1:55:06Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, again, you're watching Mystery Boys, I'm Dr. Shots here with Guy Touffei, and I'm gonna, and he's running a great line with me, my son, who's always been ashamed of how small his taint is, that's why he questions his gender, that's why he questions his accent.

• 1:55:21Duncan Trussell?

  That's not why, but.

• 1:55:22Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, and, and, okay, well, wait, I like this, but hold on, but don't lose that, do not lose that. Uh, and I say, son, why did, um, I'll put it to you this way.

• 1:55:33Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, Dad?

• 1:55:33Kurt Metzger?

  Why did the 2016?

• 1:55:36Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:55:36Kurt Metzger?

  All-female Ghostbusters reboot that had everything behind it? It had all Sony's best intentions, it had a hot new director, Kevin Feige.

• 1:55:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:55:45Kurt Metzger?

  Not Kevin, you know what, son, we already had that conversation earlier in the film. Kevin Feige is how you pronounce it, okay? And that, yeah.

• 1:55:53Duncan Trussell?

  Sure, whatever, Dad!

• 1:55:55Kurt Metzger?

  But, yeah, was there a light bit of, uh, light laughs in the beginning with that? There was, and I think we all appreciated that early in the movie.

• 1:56:01Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I guess, I never saw.

• 1:56:02Kurt Metzger?

  This is dialogue from the film, dude. Yeah, earlier, what, do you think an audience would appreciate that we had a little bit of life laughter around?

• 1:56:09Duncan Trussell?

  Why won't you talk about my taint? Why do you always go back to Ghostbusters when I start talking about my taint?

• 1:56:18Duncan Trussell?

  I just want you to love me, Dad!

• 1:56:20Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, wait, just, I need a minute.

• 1:56:22Duncan Trussell?

  I feel like you don't want to talk about my taint!

• 1:56:26Kurt Metzger?

  Son, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna answer you this way.

• 1:56:33Kurt Metzger?

  Why didn't the 2016 all-female Ghostbusters reboot work?

• 1:56:39Duncan Trussell?

  Dad, I don't know! Why won't you talk about my taint with me, Dad?

• 1:56:44Kurt Metzger?

  And pause scene, okay, so, now, we'll watch this part, because Guy, you gotta know what, from here, play it, right now, tell me why it didn't work, you'll, and you'll see what, you'll know what the.

• 1:56:55Duncan Trussell?

  All right, I wanna see.

• 1:56:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. Can play, keep playing? Mm-hmm.

• 1:57:01Kurt Metzger?

  And now you're getting it, is it coming together? Yeah.

• 1:57:03Duncan Trussell?

  Sucks!

• 1:57:04Kurt Metzger?

  No, rewind that again, show her being slimed again, I, I think you're not getting it.

• 1:57:08Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not getting it.

• 1:57:10Kurt Metzger?

  This is why, no matter, you got the best in the biz on your team, play that again, look at it.

• 1:57:21Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:57:23Kurt Metzger?

  That's why you can't have female Ghostbusters, one reason alone, son.

• 1:57:26Duncan Trussell?

  Because they get cum, they get slimed?

• 1:57:29Kurt Metzger?

  Because when they get slimed, it's gonna look too much like bukkake, that is exactly right.

• 1:57:36Duncan Trussell?

  You think that is what?

• 1:57:38Kurt Metzger?

  I know it's what it is, and at the time, and go back and look at the records, you will see it.

• 1:57:44Duncan Trussell?

  That is such horseshit.

• 1:57:45Kurt Metzger?

  You will see it on my MySpace and my Facebook. What?

• 1:57:48Duncan Trussell?

  You don't think it's the jokes, the writing, the acting?

• 1:57:50Kurt Metzger?

  What made the first Ghostbusters so great? Bill Murray got slimed, and I remember this to, remember, you know, you talk about movies, and you're like, remember when he's like, got slimed, he's like, oh, he slimed me, and we'd be like, yeah, it was awesome? Because that, and that was in the previews, that Bill Murray got slimed?

• 1:58:05Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:06Kurt Metzger?

  Okay? And because Bill Murray was getting slimed, you know, look, look, he, he got, I mean, just hosed with like a, a hor, like a horse cum.

• 1:58:16Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:58:17Kurt Metzger?

  But we don't put it together that way, because it's Bill Murray.

• 1:58:19Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:58:20Kurt Metzger?

  A guy with Andrew Callahan skin.

• 1:58:22Duncan Trussell?

  I think you're on to something, honestly. God, no, come on, man!

• 1:58:30Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, God. And the, and the fourth eye, across, across the fourth eye?

• 1:58:36Duncan Trussell?

  Across the eighth dimension.

• 1:58:37Kurt Metzger?

  Across the fourth eye. We're not copying this wholesale.

• 1:58:42Duncan Trussell?

  This is so stupid.

• 1:58:44Kurt Metzger?

  And there's Bonnie Blue. Yo, dude, but Dr. Shots fucking looks cool as shit in this. You know what, I like the way Tanner's taking the script now, I almost want to cut that.

• 1:58:54Duncan Trussell?

  We gotta make some.

• 1:58:55Kurt Metzger?

  I wanna cut that fucking gay kid the whole, out of it.

• 1:58:58Duncan Trussell?

  We gotta make, oh shit.

• 1:58:59Kurt Metzger?

  Honestly, I, I liked it, but let's just cut him the fuck out of it, because look at this, look at this whore, and I'm playing guitar.

• 1:59:05Duncan Trussell?

  I like it.

• 1:59:06Kurt Metzger?

  And I like that cowboy, now, I don't know if he's gay, but he, he can hang out till we figure it out.

• 1:59:12Duncan Trussell?

  I like it. This has made me think of one, one more thing to add to Dr. Shots, and I don't know if it's too much, but, do you remember Footloose?

• 1:59:21Kurt Metzger?

  Um, I only based my, um, hair and glasses and bandana for the next 30 years of my life on it.

• 1:59:26Duncan Trussell?

  Okay!

• 1:59:27Kurt Metzger?

  If that answers your question.

• 1:59:28Duncan Trussell?

  So I feel like part of this should be Dr. Shots and his son.

• 1:59:32Kurt Metzger?

  I only based my entire look on Kenny Loggins exclusively because of the movie Footloose.

• 1:59:35Duncan Trussell?

  You guys come in.

• 1:59:36Kurt Metzger?

  If that was meant to be.

• 1:59:38Duncan Trussell?

  You guys come into a town where a Ken Paxton type has made it illegal to dance.

• 1:59:45Kurt Metzger?

  Those rules said there'll be no more dancing in town.

• 1:59:47Duncan Trussell?

  And has made abortions illegal.

• 1:59:48Kurt Metzger?

  And.

• 1:59:49Duncan Trussell?

  No abortions, no dancing.

• 1:59:51Kurt Metzger?

  Unless you're not, unless you're not a Jew.

• 1:59:54Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, so if you're a Jew, you can, you can dance. In this town.

• 1:59:59Kurt Metzger?

  That's actually good, maybe alter your title, if you're a Jew, you can dance. I don't know, we're gonna, we're gonna go through.

• 2:00:05Duncan Trussell?

  But anyway, it doesn't, Dr. Shots comes into this town with his son, abortions, it's a very repressed town, abortions are illegal, dancing's illegal.

• 2:00:17Kurt Metzger?

  You know, it's almost a whole great separate movie idea, it's just of just, that might be a separate great idea.

• 2:00:25Kurt Metzger?

  It's, you know Footloose, you like that, right? So it's that, so, but it's just that dancing and abortion is illegal.

• 2:00:38Kurt Metzger?

  And the reason that dancing is illegal is because they realized that that's how they were doing like DL, on the DL abortions, despite these, dancing too much?

• 2:00:51Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, because they're having like raves where the.

• 2:00:53Kurt Metzger?

  A doctor with a headband? And, uh, cool hair comes and teaches them how to like, like, yeah, they don't have the Six Flags, but they could dance, they could have like one of these endurance dancing events.

• 2:01:05Duncan Trussell?

  That's it.

• 2:01:06Kurt Metzger?

  Which are illegal, because that might cause.

• 2:01:08Duncan Trussell?

  Dancing's, no, this is all the simplified, dancing's illegal.

• 2:01:11Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, Dr. Shots says, dance it up!

• 2:01:13Duncan Trussell?

  Dancing's illegal, abortions are illegal in this town, Dr. Shots comes in.

• 2:01:16Kurt Metzger?

  It started with illegal abortions.

• 2:01:18Duncan Trussell?

  Teaches a special dance.

• 2:01:19Kurt Metzger?

  And it led to dancing.

• 2:01:20Duncan Trussell?

  You are the one who teaches them the abortion dance.

• 2:01:22Kurt Metzger?

  Right, like, but I love to dance and do abortion.

• 2:01:25Duncan Trussell?

  You teach them how to dance and abortion.

• 2:01:27Kurt Metzger?

  No, no, but that's the thing, I, and we, for legal purposes, and I want to make that clear, the word, I don't like saying that word, I, I'd like you to stop saying it.

• 2:01:36Duncan Trussell?

  Abortion or dance?

• 2:01:38Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, please listen to me on this. You gotta cut out every time we said the word abortion, that is.

• 2:01:43Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 2:01:44Kurt Metzger?

  Podcast poison, we're gonna use every other word we could think of. Now, what is that? Show me what that is up there.

• 2:01:50Duncan Trussell?

  What, are you not allowed to say abortion?

• 2:01:51Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, who's that guy, up one? Who's that? Oh, is that Lou Rawls?

• 2:01:58Speaker 04

  Johnny Mathis.

• 2:01:59Kurt Metzger?

  Johnny Mathis.

• 2:02:03Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my God, he probably spells it with an F.

• 2:02:05Duncan Trussell?

  I guess, I guess, we're a court of saying different things, uh, we're, termination of, termination of pregnancy.

• 2:02:12Kurt Metzger?

  No, I still, now, look at, oh, you know what? Now, you know, in the, in the Dr. Shots verse, I, I would say we could just do kind of, so, I like that, let's put that weird queer kid again, and, and look at that poster, side by side.

• 2:02:26Duncan Trussell?

  It's, it's like, it's Footloose.

• 2:02:28Kurt Metzger?

  Because I like, um, uh, soggy blue here, and I like, no, not the shits one.

• 2:02:35Speaker 04

  Sorry.

• 2:02:36Duncan Trussell?

  I think it's.

• 2:02:37Kurt Metzger?

  Actually, yes, put the shits one up, actually, I'm wrong, put the shits one, I want to see it again. That's the way it works when you're fucking workshop and shit, sometimes you.

• 2:02:48Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on, leave it up.

• 2:02:52Kurt Metzger?

  I have not used this enough. Okay, so I want you, seriously.

• 2:02:59Kurt Metzger?

  Um.

• 2:03:00Duncan Trussell?

  Um. I li- I like this.

• 2:03:03Kurt Metzger?

  Um, so, um, uh, Jeepers McGreevy, uh, thanks for being here on Mystery Boys and me, Dr. Jonathan Shots. Um, you're looking at those, you're looking at these posters, which way Western man on this movie?

• 2:03:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, we need help.

• 2:03:19Kurt Metzger?

  What do you, what do you think? Just, first thoughts?

• 2:03:22Duncan Trussell?

  It's huge. Anyone who wants to like chip in, give us ideas for scenes, we will accept PDFs. Anything you send to us, we own completely.

• 2:03:32Kurt Metzger?

  But which one you like better? Just first thoughts? Is like on the runway?

• 2:03:37Duncan Trussell?

  Now I'm going shits.

• 2:03:39Kurt Metzger?

  Wrong, it's Dr. Shots.

• 2:03:42Duncan Trussell?

  I know, we can call it Dr. Shots, but I'm-

• 2:03:44Kurt Metzger?

  Wrong.

• 2:03:45Duncan Trussell?

  I'm going Dr. Shots, but shits.

• 2:03:47Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Dr. Wait, oh, dude, Dr. Shits.

• 2:03:55Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Shits.

• 2:03:57Kurt Metzger?

  There it is. Tanner?

• 2:04:00Speaker 04

  What?

• 2:04:01Kurt Metzger?

  You mash them all together and it's called Dr. Shits.

• 2:04:04Speaker 04

  Cause you're a poop doula?

• 2:04:06Kurt Metzger?

  That's exactly right.

• 2:04:06Duncan Trussell?

  And how, that's a perfect way to wrap up this episode of the Mystery Boys.

• 2:04:10Kurt Metzger?

  The fourth eye.

• 2:04:11Duncan Trussell?

  We gotta go. We gotta go to this dinner.

• 2:04:14Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, yeah, we gotta, hey, I've got, I have a dinner.

• 2:04:18Duncan Trussell?

  We're doing a double date.

• 2:04:23Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, keep it real, y'all. Halloween's almost here. Be safe out there, y'all.

• 2:04:28Kurt Metzger?

  Be safe out there. If you're getting a, a vasectomy in a truck and a guy looks at you with like kind of a smug Asian face, and I'm sorry to make it racial, but you saw that picture.

• 2:04:38Duncan Trussell?

  Yep.

• 2:04:38Kurt Metzger?

  Don't get in the truck.

• 2:04:39Duncan Trussell?

  Or do.

• 2:04:40Kurt Metzger?

  And that's for me, Dr. Shots, a guy who's out to kill you.

• 2:04:44Duncan Trussell?

  We'll see you next week. Keep it real. Pray for Talarico.

• 2:04:54Kurt Metzger?

  No, don't make that. You're gonna get me killed.

• 2:05:00Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, people die behind that shit.

• 2:08:05Duncan Trussell?

  Gay Bar is watching.