Inside The Walled Garden | FILE_21 | Mystery Boys

🎟️ Duncan Trussell Tour: http://duncantrussell.com/tour🎙️ Kurt Metzger Tour: https://punchup.live/kurtmetzger🦊 Buster (Tanner's Friend From School): https://instagram.com/mysterybuster666 SPONSORS: Head to https://Fabletics.com/MYSTERY for 70–80% off everything as a new VIP. Welcome to Mystery Boys, the podcast from YMH Studios hosted by Kurt Metzger and Duncan Trussell. This week the boys refuse to sleep anywhere but inside their walled garden, where it's protected and the critics can't get in. Except one finally did. Comedy writer Seth Simons reviewed Mystery Boys on his Substack, and the boys are calling it a career highlight. They go through the review line by line: Kurt's old Facebook post, his Ukraine joke from his Gas Digital half hour, and the accidental title "Alex Jones Still Has Shooters." Then they offer Seth an open invitation to the show, a writing job, a custom outfit, and a full session with Duncan's new mobile grooming service, oatmeal bath included. Kurt gives a dramatic reading of Seth's poem "Poem After Collapse," and the boys ask everyone to subscribe to his Substack and only say nice things, because Mystery Boys does not harass. From there it's dopamine maxxing and the DoorDash edging app where your food never shows up, Peter Thiel, Trump naming everything America the way Musk names everything X, Kamala Harris explaining the war in Ukraine, and America's latest bomb sale to Israel. The mysteries get darker when Apple patents AirPods that read your brain activity, the boys watch the Davos brain-transparency talk, and they explain why Orwell's 1984 was simple compared to what we have now. Then they investigate whether Candace Owens is a lesbian and run the photo through an AI check (it's not her). Also: the thicc ghost Booh Booty, the physics of ectoplasm, the Tibetan yoga of dream and sleep, Kubla Khan, the rainbow bridge, scientists sending your consciousness through a wormhole, the Montauk Project and the original title of Stranger Things, the lizard brain, Kurt's favorite anime Fist of the North Star, Kurt's movie pitch for Rob Schneider, the Chris Hansen hit piece and why you shouldn't let your kids on Roblox. This is not a conspiracy podcast. This is a mystery appreciation podcast. Mystery Boys File_021 https://www.instagram.com/duncantrussell https://www.instagram.com/kurtmetzgercomedy https://www.instagram.com/mysteryboyspodcast https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:55 - Seth Simons, Our Biggest Fan 00:34:27 - Dopamine Maxxing and DoorDash Edging 00:45:55 - Mystery Boys Poem Readings 00:52:31 - Trump's Ultimate Rug Pull 00:55:49 - Kamala Harris Explaining The Ukrainian War 01:02:03 - We Are Giving BOMBS to ISRAEL?!? 01:05:34 - Apple Is READING Your MIND 01:23:42 - Is Candace Owens A Lesbian? 01:29:16 - Proof Of Candace Owens Lesbian? 01:36:39 - The Thicc Ghost, Booh Booty 01:49:13 - Scientists Putting Your Consciousness Through A Wormhole 02:14:30 - Kurps Favorite Anime 02:22:52 - Hand Free Hassidic Gooning 02:25:51 - Kurts Pitch For Rob Schneider 02:30:34 - Chris Hansen Hit Piece Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 0:51Kurt Metzger?

  Woo, welcome to Mystery Boys. I'm Cat Dill, and with me is...

• 0:57Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Magnet.

• 1:00Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:03Kurt Metzger?

  Ooh, it's getting a bit, it's a real jungle time.

• 1:05Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:06Kurt Metzger?

  Down or...

• 1:07Duncan Trussell?

  It's like a garden in here.

• 1:09Kurt Metzger?

  It's, and it's, and I like that it's protected, so you can't let, you know, fat queers in.

• 1:14Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you can't let...

• 1:14Kurt Metzger?

  I'm kidding, we like fat queers. We let a lot, there's plenty of them.

• 1:18Duncan Trussell?

  I have nothing against those squirming into my garden from time to time.

• 1:21Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I'm just an old tomcat.

• 1:23Duncan Trussell?

  You gotta be careful.

• 1:24Kurt Metzger?

  Bit of a bear, bit of a top.

• 1:26Duncan Trussell?

  I think as long as you leave some cracks in the wall to let them squirm on in from time to time, it's fine.

• 1:32Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, yeah, I'd like a...

• 1:33Duncan Trussell?

  I can't sleep in a, in a non-walled garden. Just letting you know.

• 1:37Kurt Metzger?

  A lot of these, uh, you know, and, and wokenes, there aren't too many of them left. It's kind of a sad, October 7th is when woke was officially, like, killed, but...

• 1:45Duncan Trussell?

  It is sad, and it's, they're sweet, and they're so very fun.

• 1:50Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, well, they are way near, they have zero power. And that's why I love, and I, this is one of the greatest honors, because you got this honor just recently.

• 1:58Duncan Trussell?

  I can't believe it.

• 1:59Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:59Duncan Trussell?

  I'm gonna cry.

• 2:00Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, and by the way, we're filming this in the past and in the future when we do the Alex Jones one, which will air after the Alex Jones one, of course. Uh, you got a good write-up from none other.

• 2:12Duncan Trussell?

  I can't believe it.

• 2:13Kurt Metzger?

  Go, go, go, go, go, go. Yes, Seth Simons.

• 2:16Duncan Trussell?

  Thank you, Seth!

• 2:18Kurt Metzger?

  Now, wait, I wanna tell you something about this.

• 2:19Duncan Trussell?

  I know, this, I just gotta say, this is like a, this is a big moment for me, it's kind of a career highlight. Thank you, Seth. I, your work is, it's just incredible, and thank you so much.

• 2:33Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so what I love about this guy...

• 2:35Duncan Trussell?

  Look at the title of this...

• 2:37Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, okay, okay, 'cause he wrote, now way back when I brought this up, uh, I think on my other podcast, and I, and, 'cause his thing was Seth Simons, he's the one that got Shane fired.

• 2:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:49Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, you, I would say it's his, his article. He, he claims if it wasn't him, it would have, somebody else would have got him for his...

• 2:56Duncan Trussell?

  Regardless, he did, like, you have to look at him as like, what he did for Shane is incredible.

• 3:01Kurt Metzger?

  This guy Seth is really listening to you when you talk. My half hour, uh, on Gas Digital, my, the last half hour I did?

• 3:07Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 3:09Kurt Metzger?

  The opening joke I have about, I go, is it wrong to invade the sovereign nation of Ukraine? Like, I ask the crowd, just what they think, and it's like, of course it's wrong.

• 3:16Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 3:16Kurt Metzger?

  Obviously, that's a wrong thing. But did it cure COVID? Kinda, a little bit, you gotta admit, like, that's the last day I cared about COVID, was the first day of Ukraine.

• 3:27Kurt Metzger?

  I got in a car, and they're like, you gotta mask? And I go, did you not hear about Ukraine, dipshit?

• 3:31Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 3:31Kurt Metzger?

  We're not doing that now, so, anyway. So that joke is, is, is genuinely based in, um, subversion and hatred of people who loved lockdowns.

• 3:41Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 3:41Kurt Metzger?

  And the Ukraine war. My pure, you know, I'm trying to take my angries and turn them into funnies.

• 3:46Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 3:47Kurt Metzger?

  And, and so Seth Simons, like, he understood what I was, he was so offended by that joke, there's another thing in here about it? And he, he goes through each line of the joke, and how, like...

• 3:57Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 3:58Kurt Metzger?

  Even people that enjoyed that half hour didn't appreciate the joke as much as Seth Simons did.

• 4:03Duncan Trussell?

  He's a fan.

• 4:04Kurt Metzger?

  He is, but the thing is, he's so crippling autistic.

• 4:07Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 4:08Kurt Metzger?

  That he, he doesn't understand how to properly manipulate the thing, so you end up looking awesome. Okay, so let's just look at the title, the inadvertent title. I love you, Seth, I mean, this is fucking cool shit.

• 4:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, for real, Seth.

• 4:19Kurt Metzger?

  Alex Jones Still Has Shooters. That sounds fucking cool shit.

• 4:24Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, it's a great title.

• 4:25Kurt Metzger?

  I'm an Alex Jones shooter, I would be honored.

• 4:27Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 4:27Kurt Metzger?

  Honored to be an Alex, for the king, Alex Jones.

• 4:30Duncan Trussell?

  I would fight for the king.

• 4:31Kurt Metzger?

  Will people clip the fucking episode? Yeah, yeah, without doubt. Uh, I'll come right out of the jungle, meow, don't get me started.

• 4:38Duncan Trussell?

  Can we just say Seth Simons has an open invitation to the Mystery Boys?

• 4:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yes, he does, absolutely.

• 4:43Duncan Trussell?

  Anytime you wanna come, Seth, we'll get you an outfit, too.

• 4:45Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, Seth Simone, and, and Seth Simons is keeping track of everything we say and everything everyone you know says, and I know he is, because that's what this sub stack.

• 4:54Duncan Trussell?

  That is awesome. Thank you for doing that.

• 4:56Kurt Metzger?

  The fake, the fake left shall rise again, is what, uh...

• 4:59Duncan Trussell?

  Shocker, it's Duncan Trussell and Kurt Metzger.

• 5:02Kurt Metzger?

  Uh-oh, it is a shocker. You didn't see that coming.

• 5:05Duncan Trussell?

  Upgrade for 45 bucks.

• 5:08Kurt Metzger?

  For 45?

• 5:08Duncan Trussell?

  Guys, upgrade now.

• 5:10Kurt Metzger?

  Honestly, God, I, I have very much considered subscribing.

• 5:12Duncan Trussell?

  Can we click on that upgrade? Let's get this, what is that, what do you get for 45?

• 5:16Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, let's go to my fucking, okay...

• 5:17Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, shit, Labor Day flash sale.

• 5:19Kurt Metzger?

  It's off from 60.

• 5:20Duncan Trussell?

  Premium member, it's only 45 dollars for a year.

• 5:22Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I gotta think about it, and see if it's in my budget.

• 5:25Duncan Trussell?

  Guys, subscribe to this.

• 5:27Kurt Metzger?

  Six years?

• 5:27Duncan Trussell?

  You get six years of archives, you get an AMA.

• 5:30Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it's forever?

• 5:32Duncan Trussell?

  This is a good deal.

• 5:33Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. Can we put that on your mom's horse tab? Uh, let's, we should have all the important newspapers in Seth Simons.

• 5:40Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Seth, we'd love for you to write for the Mystery Boys.

• 5:43Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, well, let's just look at this thing. Well, we don't really write this, it, uh, it's mostly just buying outfits.

• 5:50Duncan Trussell?

  That's true.

• 5:51Kurt Metzger?

  It's mostly just... If you wanna write outfits, uh...

• 5:55Duncan Trussell?

  We could use a writer, though, it'd be cool.

• 5:57Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I mean, if you've seen the show, you probably could use some writers.

• 5:59Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, that would be really cool, Seth, if you'd write a sketch for us.

• 6:02Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, there's a relatively new show, this is probably the best review of the show ever written, uh, called Mystery Boys on Your Mom's Horse Podcast Network, which is owned by divorcees. Now, you don't have to get into that, Tom Segura and Christina...

• 6:14Duncan Trussell?

  That's low.

• 6:14Kurt Metzger?

  Pazitsky, how is that germane to the topic that they're divorcees?

• 6:18Duncan Trussell?

  You just needed to say it.

• 6:19Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, uh, yeah.

• 6:21Duncan Trussell?

  God.

• 6:21Kurt Metzger?

  It's such a none-of-your-business thing, and I know, like, people have a parasocial relationship, and I guess Seth is a fan. Mystery Boys is hosted by Duncan Trussell and Kurt Metzger, whom you may know from the Netflix show The Midnight Gospel, oh, I wasn't on that. And, and an unhinged Facebook post, now hold on before you click on it, defending on alleged [BLEEP] respectively.

• 6:41Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 6:42Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so Seth...

• 6:43Duncan Trussell?

  What is that?

• 6:44Kurt Metzger?

  So that's back when this before was called canceling, and the entire media tried to ruin my life because I said on your way to posting on social media?

• 6:52Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 6:53Kurt Metzger?

  About this guy, uh, maybe hit the cops up, maybe speak to the police.

• 6:57Duncan Trussell?

  Oh.

• 6:57Kurt Metzger?

  You know, don't, don't not post it, obviously, but maybe, just because if the guy is a serial grape artist...

• 7:03Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 7:03Kurt Metzger?

  I, I feel like him losing his show at UCB once a month is not the fitting punishment.

• 7:07Duncan Trussell?

  I got you.

• 7:08Kurt Metzger?

  Because I thought, uh, you know, something that's serious maybe shouldn't be adjudicated on, on, uh, Facebook. Clearly, I stand corrected, Seth. Uh, I know this, you didn't do too good when you were adjudicated on Facebook and Twitter, though, did you? You had to move back to Idaho, so maybe I, maybe I was not work fighting for some guy, I was fighting for everyone who maybe didn't do it. Maybe, just the, the thought, but this was in the days of, of, uh, this is before me, too, this is when believe women, which some people incorrectly call believe all women. Remember believe all women?

• 7:39Duncan Trussell?

  No, when did that?

• 7:40Kurt Metzger?

  Hashtag believe all women, is when feminists had power before they let the trans, you know, the reason Sadie became Jude is because feminism's over.

• 7:50Duncan Trussell?

  We won.

• 7:50Kurt Metzger?

  Thank you, trans! Thank you, thank you for destroying feminism. I love trans people for that. Go in the locker room, show them your dick. You've earned it, lady. You're a real woman, a better woman, an easier-to-clean woman who can play sports.

• 8:04Duncan Trussell?

  Easier to clean, wait, what?

• 8:06Kurt Metzger?

  What, easier to clean?

• 8:06Duncan Trussell?

  What do you mean? Have you been having problems cleaning women?

• 8:10Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 8:11Duncan Trussell?

  Is that what you want, an easier-to-clean woman?

• 8:12Kurt Metzger?

  I don't wanna go on a whole tangent, but...

• 8:14Duncan Trussell?

  That's your problem?

• 8:15Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, you ever, look, I, I don't, it's really cleaning the couch is the hard part.

• 8:19Duncan Trussell?

  What is the problem? Cleaning a woman?

• 8:22Kurt Metzger?

  Well, once a month, if they get their pyramid on your sectional, you'll see. Okay, so...

• 8:26Duncan Trussell?

  You just scrub it down.

• 8:30Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I, I'm...

• 8:31Duncan Trussell?

  You know, no offense, dude, you gotta man up a little bit. If you feel like you're, like, put out by cleaning the ladies, you know, I have a whole service where I clean women. It's, I go right to your house, I swear to God, if you...

• 8:44Kurt Metzger?

  Is that right?

• 8:44Duncan Trussell?

  Yes, I have a van, I pull up in the van, we'll scrub, groom, clean.

• 8:49Kurt Metzger?

  Well, Seth is, he's known as Sex Pest Seth for being a sex pest.

• 8:52Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, shit, really?

• 8:54Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, an alleged sex pest.

• 8:56Duncan Trussell?

  What do you mean, what did he allegedly do?

• 8:58Kurt Metzger?

  Um, I think, well, I personally think...

• 9:00Duncan Trussell?

  And thanks for, by the way, fucking up my ad just now. I'm just, I got kids, I'm trying to make some fucking money, and you're like, oh, let's just skip over what's clearly me trying to fucking promote my business, but, okay.

• 9:12Kurt Metzger?

  Do you have a woman? Is she neat and clean? If she's not called Duncan, he's the best you've ever seen.

• 9:19Duncan Trussell?

  We come to you.

• 9:23Duncan Trussell?

  We come to you. Pull up in the van...

• 9:25Kurt Metzger?

  We'll insert, we'll insert, I'll make it, we'll make it...

• 9:27Duncan Trussell?

  We'll come to your house. We, we come and we will take the lady out to the van.

• 9:32Kurt Metzger?

  So, look, I'm gonna do like this, that's a cut where we'll go to the, the thing, we'll fill in for his ad.

• 9:36Duncan Trussell?

  Just letting you know.

• 9:37Kurt Metzger?

  About how we'll come to your house and clean all your women.

• 9:39Duncan Trussell?

  It's a mobile women's grooming service.

• 9:40Kurt Metzger?

  Cat Dill Fan, what was your name again?

• 9:43Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 9:43Kurt Metzger?

  What did you say your name was?

• 9:44Duncan Trussell?

  Dr. Magnet.

• 9:45Kurt Metzger?

  Cat Dill Fan, Dr. Magnet.

• 9:48Duncan Trussell?

  Thank you. Okay, let's go.

• 9:50Kurt Metzger?

  They'll clean your woman and your kitchen cabinets.

• 9:53Duncan Trussell?

  Nope, just ladies, just ladies.

• 9:56Kurt Metzger?

  Ladies or women is the same.

• 9:57Duncan Trussell?

  Assigned, assigned female at birth, PS.

• 10:00Kurt Metzger?

  Uh...

• 10:00Duncan Trussell?

  So we just do women, I'm just letting you know.

• 11:33Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, they described their new show with the tagline, "This is not a conspiracy podcast."

• 11:37Duncan Trussell?

  True.

• 11:38Kurt Metzger?

  "This is a mystery appreciation podcast." I did not authorize that line. I don't know where that came from. Which is a creative way of saying they believe all-

• 11:44Duncan Trussell?

  I stand by it.

• 11:44Kurt Metzger?

  Which is a creative way

• 11:48Kurt Metzger?

  of saying they believe all the conspiracy theories they talk about.

• 11:52Duncan Trussell?

  Um, that's not true.

• 11:53Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I, I, I, I would just check you there, but I do believe in some things that you would probably find objectionable, so I don't wanna- But all of them, no. Also, I say we mainly are causing mysteries.

• 12:04Duncan Trussell?

  That's what we've been doing.

• 12:06Kurt Metzger?

  Ben had done that, so.

• 12:08Duncan Trussell?

  But you get the, he says, "You get the idea."

• 12:10Kurt Metzger?

  By the way, believing in a conspiracy theory, uh, I'm still not clear on what the intrinsic evil of that is. I know if you were in a Rico case, it's a criminal conspiracy to do blah, blah, blah. Is it a defense to the judge? Your honor, this is just a conspiracy theory. I think like, you know, you're, you're kinda being, uh, in a little bit of a Saturn cube in your mind with that, buddy, but whatever. I appreciate your writing.

• 12:34Duncan Trussell?

  Can we scroll down to this episode?

• 12:35Kurt Metzger?

  It would be, wait, wait, wait, it would be laborious, what?

• 12:38Duncan Trussell?

  Sorry, go, it's, it's, it's just-

• 12:41Kurt Metzger?

  This week, Trussell and Metzger, hold on, hold on, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, no, don't, don't scroll.

• 12:45Duncan Trussell?

  I'm sorry, I just, I wanna get to the core.

• 12:48Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 12:48Duncan Trussell?

  Go ahead.

• 12:49Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, this is a creative way of saying they believe all conspiracy theories they talk about. It would be laborious to walk you through the specifics, but suffice it to say, it already is laborious. They are deeply concerned with Freemasonry, the Knights Templar, Baphomet, the Anunnaki, lizard people, Mithraism, CIA mind control, you get the idea.

• 13:07Duncan Trussell?

  I like CIA mind control stuff.

• 13:08Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, well, he's pretty accurate so far. This week, Trussell and Metzger sat down with the disgraced conspiracy theorist.

• 13:17Kurt Metzger?

  And, so this is what he misses. In years past, this was the sort of thing that might cause a minor controversy, fingers crossed, as when Andrew Schultz had Jones on his podcast in an episode that was removed from YouTube and not later reposted. But in these modern times, it passes without notice.

• 13:32Duncan Trussell?

  That's comedy for ya!

• 13:34Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, no censorship from a millennial autist, whee! The episode is mostly raving nonsense, but you listened to the whole thing, didn't you, Seth?

• 13:43Duncan Trussell?

  He had to.

• 13:44Kurt Metzger?

  Good for you. They discussed the Rothschilds, shapeshifters, we don't know that they're shapeshifters, that's anti-Semitic, Seth. UFOs, organ harvesting, yada yaga. All of those things are things, I don't know, like, is it not okay to discuss them? It's not exactly news that a pair of has been, I would more if it never was, if I'm being honest. On a podcast network owned by fans of Candace Owens, wait, are you telling me divorced couple Tom Segura and, uh, Christina P. are, uh, fans of Candace Owens and Andrew Tate?

• 14:10Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 14:12Kurt Metzger?

  No, I get Andrew Tate, he's great, but, okay. At the same time, I think it's worth observing, there are comedians out there who remain sympathetic to Alex Jones. We gotta round him up, right Seth? Even eager to spread his ideas. Yo, I scared Alex Jones with my ideas and I-

• 14:26Duncan Trussell?

  You freaked him out for real.

• 14:27Kurt Metzger?

  I broke Alex Jones on the show and I don't know why you're not saying that.

• 14:30Duncan Trussell?

  A little bit.

• 14:31Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, what I said about Dean Martin, he don't like, and what I said about General Flynn, he don't like, and then I put all that information in the closing credits of the show. Did you not look at that Seth? I'm disappointed now. They drove a significant portion of the ep- oh, here we go. They drove a significant portion of the episode to the Onion's acquisition of the Infowars brand, which Jones erroneously claims was orchestrated by the gun, no, that was part of the funding. Uh, Jeff Lawson's probably the main billionaire, but Michael Bloomberg would be a major part of it Seth, but Jeff Lawson, that's the name.

• 14:59Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, look, we got a parentheses here. It's true that Bloomberg co-founded and financially backs Everytown, but Everytown did not contribute to the purchase, rather it agreed to come aboard as an exclusive advertiser.

• 15:10Kurt Metzger?

  Seth, honey, sweetie, Seth, sweetie, you don't get what the deal is when you read that? Wait Seth, oh, it just came aboard as an exclusive advertiser.

• 15:20Duncan Trussell?

  It's gonna give you guys money as an advertiser.

• 15:23Kurt Metzger?

  And it, are you, like, so on Infowars, what a, what a, Seth, you're, you're, I wish they had a cure for autism, because you might be able to see things a little better, buddy, because-

• 15:31Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, can I do something real quick?

• 15:32Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:33Duncan Trussell?

  Just 'cause Seth is watching right now, which is personally-

• 15:36Kurt Metzger?

  I'm a big fan, I just, yeah.

• 15:37Duncan Trussell?

  That means he's looking, can you guys put the camera right on me?

• 15:39Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, please.

• 15:40Duncan Trussell?

  Cause that means he's watching right now. Think of it. You and me. Seth, look at me. Look at me, right now. Watch what I do to you Seth, watch this.

• 15:53Duncan Trussell?

  Gotcha.

• 15:53Kurt Metzger?

  Uh-oh.

• 15:54Duncan Trussell?

  I got him.

• 15:55Kurt Metzger?

  Uh-oh.

• 15:57Kurt Metzger?

  I didn't want him to do it.

• 15:58Duncan Trussell?

  You know what that is called? Grandpa magic. And I gotcha.

• 16:03Kurt Metzger?

  Um, yeah, no, it's, it's-

• 16:04Duncan Trussell?

  No, but you gotta understand with Seth, Seth, you felt it, you felt it, no one else felt it, no one else watching it, just you Seth.

• 16:11Kurt Metzger?

  In his skin, the skin senses it.

• 16:12Duncan Trussell?

  It felt like something, right? That little thing?

• 16:15Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 16:15Duncan Trussell?

  I'm in you now. Now you'll see tonight.

• 16:17Kurt Metzger?

  Deep inside you.

• 16:18Duncan Trussell?

  In a dream, you'll see. Seth, that's it, I'm done.

• 16:21Kurt Metzger?

  You wanna talk about a sex pest? Where do you, where do you go to sleep? You're gonna be astrally [BLEEP].

• 16:25Duncan Trussell?

  I did get him though. I got you Seth.

• 16:27Kurt Metzger?

  Better should cut, better should cut that.

• 16:29Duncan Trussell?

  Seth, I know about your intrusive thoughts. I know about that.

• 16:32Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 16:33Duncan Trussell?

  Seth has intrusive thoughts and what I just did, this thing that I just did, you're not gonna be able to stop thinking about it. Look at me, tinky winky, AKA Dr. Magnet, look at me, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna loop in you now.

• 16:44Kurt Metzger?

  Let Dr. Magnet-

• 16:45Duncan Trussell?

  Like a little metronome, except it's me.

• 16:49Duncan Trussell?

  I'm in you Seth.

• 16:50Kurt Metzger?

  It's a little thumping in the back of your skull. Is that Dr. Magnet?

• 16:52Duncan Trussell?

  I'm in you.

• 16:53Kurt Metzger?

  Ooh.

• 17:00Duncan Trussell?

  What I'm sure you've been wondering is what kind of shopper am I? Newsflash, I'm a dad, which means I live in athleisure, whether or not a workout is actually gonna happen. The gym is more an idea at this point, but the outfit? I've got the outfit on deck at all times, and that's why I like Fabletics. Feels premium without the premium price, and everything is on one site. I love Fabletics. To be honest, I haven't worn them, but my wife does. She loves Fabletics so much, when she heard they wanted to sponsor the Mystery Boys, she pleasured me.

• 17:39Duncan Trussell?

  From workout gear to loungewear to everyday essentials, Fabletics has everything you need to build a solid wardrobe that moves with you. You don't have to worry about if all the random pieces you've got will shape up into an outfit that doesn't look like a toddler put it together. Plus, their membership is flexible and unlike a gym, there's no long-term commitment. Shop now at fabletics.com/mystery to get 70 to 80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Take a quick style quiz and be sure to select mystery when prompted to unlock this offer. This is a limited time offer, don't wait.

• 18:21Duncan Trussell?

  Again, that's fabletics.com/mystery for 70 to 80% off everything as a new VIP. Don't sleep, get that discount, support the mystery boys, support freedom, fight the globalists.

• 18:36Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so anyway, he just confirmed the thing about Bloomberg without knowing it, which I love.

• 18:41Duncan Trussell?

  Well, he's an advertiser, he's not giving the money. He just advertised.

• 18:44Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, Seth, no one can figure out what a cutout is. Okay, naturally, Trussell and Metzger credulously eat up Jones' assertions that every town in Bloomberg now own the Onion. No, he said they don't own it. Uh, actually, as well as his complaints that the new Infowars, yes, host, Tim Heidecker, Vic Berger, and Onion CEO Ben Collins are censoring him and stealing his identity. Uh, fun fact about Collins, that's a converso name, it means Cohen. Well, now that is correct. Good work, Seth. Uh, yeah, Ben Collins, who, uh, I've been asking around about Ben, because I have friends, of course, in, in this industry. Ben Collins, real poonhound. I thought he was a, a, a gay. Very strange, isn't it? That's actually weirder.

• 19:23Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, let's act it out. Let's act out a script. It's like, this is, this is, we get.

• 19:27Kurt Metzger?

  Then this happens.

• 19:28Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, let me read it. I'm gonna, I'll start. I wanna say this. All you people have been sucked into this.

• 19:33Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 19:34Duncan Trussell?

  The comedians have been sucked into this.

• 19:36Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I mean, they don't read. They don't, they don't, uh.

• 19:38Duncan Trussell?

  No, but they should know how much danger they're in. And I don't just mean like you've gotten.

• 19:43Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, here we go. You'd be all Christian now.

• 19:45Duncan Trussell?

  No, no, no. You got tangled up in something real bad. And I don't just mean that. I mean, dude, guillotines were invented for a fucking reason, man.

• 19:55Duncan Trussell?

  If you're, if you're a traitor, it's treasonous. If you're really getting sucked into a fucking thing that's against freedom of speech, that's designed to psychologically abuse and torment people.

• 20:05Kurt Metzger?

  And steal people's, I'll be, uh, and steal people's identities.

• 20:10Duncan Trussell?

  And steal people's fucking identities.

• 20:12Kurt Metzger?

  By the way, they're just still, they're gonna become you and do bad shit to you. So here's what happened. Infowars, which is Alex's, uh, they stole that, okay, Ben Collins helped. Now, Ben Collins is a dumb shit fucking puppet of this Lawson guy and then, uh.

• 20:25Duncan Trussell?

  I gotta, I like the Onion still. I think it's funny. I'm not joking.

• 20:29Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, you know, I think.

• 20:31Duncan Trussell?

  They have some good shit every once in a while.

• 20:33Kurt Metzger?

  You know, you know, I like to be sarcastic too, but I think that you're just being mean right now. Um, dude, Jean Paul, but Jean Paul Sartre, which by the way, that, that guy that likes Camus, I said I was gonna fist him till he has Jean Paul Sartre eyes. I was gonna fist his asshole.

• 20:49Duncan Trussell?

  Why didn't he put that in?

• 20:51Kurt Metzger?

  Peter Thiel said, I could find you and fist your asshole. I know you like Camus, but you're gonna have Jean Paul Sartre eyes when I'm done fisting your ass.

• 20:57Duncan Trussell?

  Can I please read my line? Dude, Jean Paul Sartre said, whatever you do, you give the world permission to do. So by doing these things.

• 21:07Kurt Metzger?

  Did he say that?

• 21:08Duncan Trussell?

  Yes!

• 21:09Kurt Metzger?

  I've always hated that guy. And I do. I hate his eyes.

• 21:12Duncan Trussell?

  By doing these fucking things, you've given the world permission to do this to you. You've given permission to do that to you because you did it. And why would you get, put yourself in that fucking place? I gotta take a shit. I'm so sorry.

• 21:25Kurt Metzger?

  I understand. Take a shit. Oh, yeah, go ahead and take a shit, buddy. Okay. Do you see why I love Seth? Do you get why I love him?

• 21:32Duncan Trussell?

  How do you not love him?

• 21:34Kurt Metzger?

  Because he inclu, like.

• 21:35Duncan Trussell?

  This is the best.

• 21:37Kurt Metzger?

  It's the sincerity of his, like, uh, uh, complete lack of any understanding of humor is so pure and so like, like, you could tell he just wants to tell about something bad that we said, and he's not understanding how to do a smear. And I, I don't wanna tell him, because I don't want him to do smears. I want him to do this, because this is great.

• 21:57Kurt Metzger?

  He'll write all this down in an article too, and it'll be like fair, because he's showing you what we said. Okay.

• 22:01Duncan Trussell?

  It'll be, that'll, it'll force him to write the same smear twice.

• 22:04Kurt Metzger?

  Boy, that sounds like a really good podcast, if you put it like that, don't it?

• 22:08Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, my God, this picture's the best.

• 22:10Kurt Metzger?

  As crazy, well, they stole Infowars, and then instead of making a new show, they called Infowars and then, uh, showed Alex's head being blown off with AI, which, with his real license plate in his car, so someone had taken footage of him. That's kinda crazy and a threat, don't you think? Uh, as crazy as it is, the transcript of this segment doesn't actually do it justice. That's fair. Watch it. Trussell and Metzger typically wear outlandish costumes when they record. In this episode, Trussell

• 22:38Kurt Metzger?

  is wearing some sort of peanut bread or hot dog costume. I thought.

• 22:41Duncan Trussell?

  It's a peanut!

• 22:43Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I thought it was a pancake. I thought it was supposed to be a blueberry pancake.

• 22:45Duncan Trussell?

  It was a peanut. It's peanut ice.

• 22:47Kurt Metzger?

  And a blue wig, while Metzger has on a blonde wig and a conical hat. It's called a, a rice paddy hat, Seth. It was, it's cultural appropriation. It's an Asian hat that I, no, wait, Seth. Uh, I can't believe you missed it. A guy who's on the ball like you are. That is an Asian style hat that I got from a Halloween pop-up shop, and it's a complete appropriation of, uh, whatever Asian cultures wear that to, I guess, work in the patties, getting the rice. But for comedic effect, I wore their people's hat, because I thought it was so fucking funny to have their hat, and it wa, it was so great. Okay. In other words, Trussell, a 52-year-old man, looks like he delivers an impassioned monologue. Looks like this. Okay, here's, look at how, how great he advertises our podcast.

• 23:32Duncan Trussell?

  It's the best.

• 23:33Kurt Metzger?

  In other words, Trussell, a 52-year-old man, looks like this as he delivers an impassioned monologue, calling Tim Heidecker a traitor, risking the guillotine. Uh, you wanna play the clip?

• 23:46Duncan Trussell?

  All of you people have been sucked into this.

• 23:48Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 23:49Duncan Trussell?

  The comedians, who've been sucked into it.

• 23:51Kurt Metzger?

  Well, they don't read and they don't learn.

• 23:52Duncan Trussell?

  No, but they should know.

• 23:53Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 23:54Duncan Trussell?

  How much danger they're in. And I don't just mean like, you've gotten.

• 23:57Kurt Metzger?

  Are you gonna be all Christian now?

• 23:58Duncan Trussell?

  No, no, no, no. You've gotten tangled up in something real bad. And I don't just mean that. I mean, like, dude, guillotines were invented for a fucking reason, man. Like.

• 24:08Kurt Metzger?

  You were being sincere. This was not you joking around.

• 24:11Duncan Trussell?

  If you're really like getting sucked into a fucking thing.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  He's misunderstanding my point.

• 24:14Kurt Metzger?

  Well, okay, yeah, still, let's see what he says. Let's go down. We already read the, the line reading. Go ahead, whatever. Watch the show. It's a great show. Keep going down. Uh, okay. Once many years ago, a time so far, oh, a time so far gone, it feels like another world. You might have watched a video like this and defaulted to the assumption that the comedian was doing a bit.

• 24:36Duncan Trussell?

  Hold on. Not a bit at all.

• 24:39Kurt Metzger?

  It wasn't a bit at all. Okay.

• 24:40Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not doing a bit then. I'm not doing a bit now.

• 24:45Kurt Metzger?

  And these are our street clothes. These are not costumes.

• 24:47Duncan Trussell?

  This is what I wear.

• 24:48Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 24:49Duncan Trussell?

  When I'm breastfeeding.

• 24:50Kurt Metzger?

  And he meant that about the guillotine. You better watch yourself. You better wa, hey, Seth, you're a communist, buddy, aren't you? I know you got no problem with guillotines.

• 24:57Duncan Trussell?

  Well, communists have nothing against guillotines.

• 24:59Kurt Metzger?

  So, I mean, I don't know what the problem is.

• 25:01Duncan Trussell?

  Come on.

• 25:02Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. What do communists do to traitors when they take power? So, look, obviously, we can't personally administer the guillotine anyone, so it's not a credible threat of any kind.

• 25:11Duncan Trussell?

  But let me just say this. If there is any question, for God's sake, don't fucking use any kind of violence against Tim fucking Heidecker or Vic Berger or any of those people. Are you crazy?

• 25:24Kurt Metzger?

  You never have to violate anybody. I don't know.

• 25:25Duncan Trussell?

  Don't do that. That's insanity. Get out of town, says Simons, because it feels like that's what you're, you're.

• 25:32Kurt Metzger?

  What, are we gonna lug a guillotine around?

• 25:33Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you know how heavy those fucking things are?

• 25:35Kurt Metzger?

  Do I gotta build it on set like, uh?

• 25:37Duncan Trussell?

  Look at Mangione. Imagine if he tried to do that with a fucking guillotine.

• 25:41Kurt Metzger?

  Mangione?

• 25:42Duncan Trussell?

  The guy who shot the insurance guy.

• 25:45Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 25:45Duncan Trussell?

  Can you imagine trying to pull a guillotine?

• 25:49Kurt Metzger?

  Um, well, guillotine is a more merciful way. I mean, it's really one of the most merciful deaths you could have, even, not for the crowd.

• 25:56Duncan Trussell?

  You don't know that for sure.

• 25:58Kurt Metzger?

  Well, no, I mean, your head's gone before you know it.

• 25:59Duncan Trussell?

  You don't know that.

• 26:00Kurt Metzger?

  But, look, um, just in esoteric lore, getting your head removed is like really bad for the, uh, royals, the elite, you know, the, the royal.

• 26:07Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, really? Why?

• 26:08Kurt Metzger?

  Well, they can't, uh, Highlander reasons. Like in Highlander?

• 26:13Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, no shit. Like, you can't.

• 26:14Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, Highlander's not a true story, but.

• 26:16Duncan Trussell?

  You can't reincarnate. I love Highlander. God, I watched that a million times.

• 26:19Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it's got a very strange story behind it.

• 26:22Duncan Trussell?

  Can I say this real quick, though? The mystery boys do not advocate violence, political violence, or violence of any kind at all. The term guillotine is allegorical and was meant to be witnessed and thought by Seth Simons, not as some invitation to do any kind.

• 26:41Kurt Metzger?

  Well, how would that be possible? Look, a guillotine implies a state-sponsored execution. So.

• 26:47Duncan Trussell?

  Exactly.

• 26:47Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it's a fair warning of like, yo, once, once the traitors are exposed and the state has been cleansed of, uh, you know, the, the, uh, well, I don't wanna get into the orders we mentioned in the article, but.

• 26:58Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 26:59Kurt Metzger?

  That you could be guillotined, yeah, by the state, of course. And that's a fair warning, Seth. I don't know. I know as a stinking commie, you like that idea very much. You just don't like it for, you know, certain people. Seth would not be keeping track of every word.

• 27:13Duncan Trussell?

  Let me tell you this.

• 27:13Kurt Metzger?

  Unless he planned that there was gonna be a French Revolution guillotining.

• 27:16Duncan Trussell?

  If I, if I, if I was, if there was a trial happening and they dragged Seth Simons screaming.

• 27:23Kurt Metzger?

  I'll speak for him.

• 27:24Duncan Trussell?

  I will speak. I would be like, you will not do, you will not, you will not hurt a hair on this man's head.

• 27:31Kurt Metzger?

  And, and the women that called him a sex pest, I mean, what did he do? Pass you for sex a little bit? Look at that face.

• 27:36Duncan Trussell?

  Give him a fucking break. Look at that.

• 27:37Kurt Metzger?

  Can't you cut him some slack?

• 27:39Duncan Trussell?

  His parents loved the shit out of him. I bet he was, when he was a kid, he was so fun to wrestle and throw around on the couch.

• 27:45Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I've, honestly.

• 27:45Duncan Trussell?

  I mean that. He's, look how much.

• 27:47Kurt Metzger?

  And he looks, you know what? I bet, I bet he's got the tickle bug too, if I give him a tickle.

• 27:51Duncan Trussell?

  He would like it.

• 27:52Kurt Metzger?

  I bet, I bet if old Cat Dill tickles this boy.

• 27:55Duncan Trussell?

  His parents love that. Your parents love the shit out of you. I could see the look in your, in his eyes.

• 27:59Kurt Metzger?

  Seth, if I ever meet you, I would never do violence. I'd hold you down and blow on your belly.

• 28:02Duncan Trussell?

  I, I would never do violence.

• 28:04Kurt Metzger?

  No violence at all.

• 28:05Duncan Trussell?

  And really, I think.

• 28:05Kurt Metzger?

  Just Cat Dill showing you some affection.

• 28:07Duncan Trussell?

  He, you, meanwhile, in your article, did a lot for our show. You are, you have a permanent invitation to come on the show.

• 28:15Kurt Metzger?

  To come on this show, anytime you want.

• 28:16Duncan Trussell?

  Anytime you're in Austin, hit us up. No hard feelings. Come on the show. You could write a sketch for us.

• 28:21Kurt Metzger?

  Now, if you had real power, I would be, I would probably hate you. But you have none. So I love you.

• 28:25Duncan Trussell?

  Can we make him a mystery boy?

• 28:27Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 28:28Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, I'm gonna do it.

• 28:29Kurt Metzger?

  You're an honorary mystery?

• 28:30Duncan Trussell?

  Hold on, let's do it.

• 28:31Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, go ahead.

• 28:32Duncan Trussell?

  Seth Simons.

• 28:35Kurt Metzger?

  Seth, with the power vested in Dr. Magnet and me, Kat Dillman.

• 28:41Duncan Trussell?

  You are the first official

• 28:43Kurt Metzger?

  Mr. Ekin.

• 28:44Duncan Trussell?

  Mystery Boy. Forever you will be one of us, Seth Simon.

• 28:47Kurt Metzger?

  Congratulations Seth Simons, you are Theta Male. Theta Male Seth Simon, Mr. Ekin.

• 28:54Duncan Trussell?

  That's cool. Congratulations Seth.

• 28:56Kurt Metzger?

  And there will be a certificate hanging up in your name because we're so proud of you for this.

• 28:59Duncan Trussell?

  We're putting your certificate up, next show.

• 29:02Kurt Metzger?

  It's not sarcasm, it's

• 29:03Duncan Trussell?

  At all!

• 29:04Kurt Metzger?

  This is as pure as the warning to Tim Heidecker.

• 29:06Duncan Trussell?

  Look, his parents are very proud of him and love him. I think that's good.

• 29:11Kurt Metzger?

  Um, well, I mean, their son's a sex pest, they gotta, they gotta stand by.

• 29:14Duncan Trussell?

  Is that a recent picture of him? He's got gray hair.

• 29:16Kurt Metzger?

  By the way, uh, I don't wanna back up sex, uh,

• 29:19Duncan Trussell?

  Sex Simons.

• 29:20Kurt Metzger?

  Sex Simons. Sex. They say you're a Seth pest, but I don't believe them. I think, I think you were just talking to other dipshit feminist girls and they didn't know how to take your autism? Cause what is a sex pest, exactly?

• 29:33Duncan Trussell?

  I think

• 29:33Kurt Metzger?

  You didn't work with them in an office, right? Were you at a bar setting and hitting on them? And it was annoying? Cause you're autistic? Fuck them, girl. I'm with you, Sex Simon. I'm with you, buddy. I don't believe women, first of all. I wanna make that clear.

• 29:45Duncan Trussell?

  I think he's sweet.

• 29:46Kurt Metzger?

  He is sweet. I'm sorry, I'm playing around. Wait, go back to his article because his last part's important.

• 29:50Duncan Trussell?

  I would give him a bath. He would be the first man I would let into my grooming service.

• 29:54Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, go back to the thing. Where's the thing? The article? We weren't done now. I wanna look at the thing. Here's another way of looking at it. As Alex Jones has been beaten back into the fringes of political discourse. Shut up. Motherfucker, I'm in the Rogansphere, bitch. That's the main, that's the center of Western power.

• 30:11Duncan Trussell?

  You're in the walled garden, Seth. You're one of us now.

• 30:13Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, you're part of the walled garden now, friend. Back in the fringes? No, the one, the other side don't have no power. Or that's why they have to be mad at Joe. Today's class of comedy podcast, not just Trussell Metzger, but also Joe Rogan, Tim Dillon, Andrew Schultz. Boy, it sounds like a thing of heavy hitters, don't it? The artist Bob is Christie Stefano and Shane Gillis and Matt McCusker.

• 30:37Duncan Trussell?

  I like being on that list.

• 30:38Kurt Metzger?

  Have pushed the boundaries of their own art form to make room for Jones' ideas. It's been a, wait, does he love, I think he likes us. That sounds like a good review of the show.

• 30:50Duncan Trussell?

  He does like us!

• 30:50Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I like him.

• 30:51Duncan Trussell?

  It's been a long effort and a successful one.

• 30:54Kurt Metzger?

  Is their sanity.

• 30:55Duncan Trussell?

  All it's cost them is their sanity. Well,

• 30:57Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, that fucking rules.

• 30:59Duncan Trussell?

  You're never gonna survive, we're never gonna survive unless we get a little crazy.

• 31:18Kurt Metzger?

  The two questions I get asked the most are, "Hey Obama, what's your last name?" Or, "Are you really a Muslim?" And I always give the same two answers. As for the first question, nobody knows. Uh, as for the second, no. Uh, I'm not Muslim, that's misinformation. But, sometimes, I do wear a burka.

• 31:51Speaker 04

  Hey brother, have you heard the news? There's a great new burka for self abuse. Jerk burka, yes, jerk burka stroke is in public under your clothes. Everyone is looking, but nobody knows. Jerk burka, oh yeah, jerk burka.

• 32:12Speaker 04

  Sidewalk subway, check out line, head getting busy, but you're looking just fine with jerk burka.

• 32:19Kurt Metzger?

  Jerk burka, the only jerk of for men. Now you can jerk it in public, in private. The comedians who love Alex Jones, hint, it's the ones you think. You see that? Hit that article.

• 32:32Kurt Metzger?

  If people watching this do one thing, please subscribe to his Substack.

• 32:35Duncan Trussell?

  He's written two articles off of our podcast?

• 32:39Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know, has he? I encourage all the Mr. Ekins out there, we love Seth Simon, I'd encourage you to subscribe to his Substack.

• 32:46Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, this is a different one.

• 32:47Kurt Metzger?

  And tell him The Mystery Boy sent you. Nothing bad about him, I don't want him insult, I don't want him mocked, I don't want him made fun of. I want you to support him.

• 32:54Duncan Trussell?

  Don't do that.

• 32:54Kurt Metzger?

  And I want him to know it came from us.

• 32:56Duncan Trussell?

  I mean this sincerely, I really mean it, not sarcasm. Do not fucking harass people online. It sucks, don't do it.

• 33:03Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you're a loser if you do that.

• 33:04Duncan Trussell?

  Makes you a loser, piece of shit asshole. If you wanna subscribe, then subscribe at the forty-five dollar tier.

• 33:10Kurt Metzger?

  Saying positive things to people that The Mystery Boy sent you and you're a big fan because The Mystery Boy

• 33:13Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you could say that. But do not harass.

• 33:16Kurt Metzger?

  Mean things.

• 33:17Duncan Trussell?

  Don't say mean things.

• 33:17Kurt Metzger?

  What's wrong with nice things?

• 33:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Don't do that shit.

• 33:20Kurt Metzger?

  Especially a guy who's given us

• 33:22Duncan Trussell?

  The best fucking promo we've ever gotten on this show.

• 33:25Kurt Metzger?

  Seth, I hope you're ready for The Mystery Boy's bump on your Substack.

• 33:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 33:29Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, because, uh, you sir, it's a work of art what you do and I really appreciate it.

• 33:33Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, it is. I see you. You're an outsider artist, Seth. I got you and you're one of us and you're with us forever.

• 33:37Kurt Metzger?

  You being hurt by that joke, the Ukraine mask thing, the way you were, meant so much to me and I was like, this guy really listens to me.

• 33:42Duncan Trussell?

  Come on the show.

• 33:43Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I mean, like, I knew you really listened to the joke and I really appreciate it. It's not a joke at all. No guillotine for you, friend. Okay, uh, it's the one, move, scroll down a little.

• 33:56Kurt Metzger?

  Well, who's those guys?

• 33:59Kurt Metzger?

  That wasn't us.

• 33:59Duncan Trussell?

  Flagrant, that was Schultz.

• 34:01Kurt Metzger?

  Ah, Schultz tried in the Mystery Boy wave of great outfits.

• 34:08Kurt Metzger?

  Really?

• 34:09Duncan Trussell?

  I think that was long before.

• 34:09Kurt Metzger?

  Is that, uh, who's the other guy that's on Schultz where his wife's like kinda hot and she's always talking about popping a pussy?

• 34:14Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know who that is.

• 34:15Kurt Metzger?

  I forget his name. I mean, I don't know him too well, I mean, I always liked him, but I don't know him, but I know he had a, he's a hot little chili pepper. Hot little, what peppers do they use in Indian food? A real Brahmin fucking

• 34:28Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know what peppers they use in Indian food.

• 34:31Kurt Metzger?

  Wow, that was really great. Boy, Seth Simons, uh,

• 34:34Duncan Trussell?

  I feel really happy from that.

• 34:36Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Piper Nigrum.

• 34:38Duncan Trussell?

  Oh shit. Indian pepper, Piper Nigrum, pulley.

• 34:45Kurt Metzger?

  Have you heard about foodnevernevercomes.com where you order food and it doesn't arrive?

• 34:50Duncan Trussell?

  No. Oh, you mean where you could just get the dopamine at?

• 34:54Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, yeah, um, and my fifth wife Jenna pointed out, um, the worst part of ordering food is that part. That's the least dopamine part. Is getting the order.

• 35:04Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 35:06Kurt Metzger?

  So it's kind of a bad, food never comes. Yeah, so I found out about this on Mad at the Internet podcast, which I watch constantly. I can't recommend it enough because of how much great info I get. That correlates all the way up to the important topics we talk about, donkey.

• 35:18Duncan Trussell?

  This shit makes me sad. You know I kick nicotine and I gotta tell you, man.

• 35:24Kurt Metzger?

  You did?

• 35:25Duncan Trussell?

  Oh yeah, it's, I'm in day ten of no nicotine and it sucks.

• 35:29Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I would never do that.

• 35:31Duncan Trussell?

  This is the hardest kick of my life. Like, it's so fucking hard because

• 35:34Kurt Metzger?

  I was on OxyContin and nicotine is so much more than that.

• 35:37Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I know. I've been addicted to Xanax. I've been addicted to everything.

• 35:40Kurt Metzger?

  Xanax is a bad one.

• 35:41Duncan Trussell?

  Xanax was a rough kick. Nothing like nicotine. Xanax is fucked up because you kinda hallucinate. Nicotine, it just hurts because you, when you're addicted to nicotine, you get all these extra neuroreceptors. You grow neuroreceptors in your brain and I guess they're like little baby birds calling for nicotine and when it doesn't come, they freak out and that creates these spikes of like craving and it's fucked up, man. It's, and I've got a month

• 36:07Kurt Metzger?

  Now, I do like this where it's like you order Taco Bell and then it doesn't come. That makes good sense.

• 36:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that's always good.

• 36:12Kurt Metzger?

  Actually, that should be in place of being able to order Taco Bell. So they show some fried shit. I get it. Well, I could kinda see the dope. Look at the picture.

• 36:24Duncan Trussell?

  That shit looks good.

• 36:26Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, they're doing the color thing. So I, I, I kind of, but anyway, what a, what a great future that we have.

• 36:30Duncan Trussell?

  Are those AI burgers?

• 36:32Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, uh, possibly. Why do you think they're not hand drawn pizzas and burgers?

• 36:37Duncan Trussell?

  Let's see, I wanna see. I hate this world sometimes. It's sad. It's a sad world, don't you think?

• 36:45Kurt Metzger?

  What's was that about?

• 36:46Duncan Trussell?

  Well, I mean, we are like, you know, the brain rewards you with these chemicals. You get this little drip and technology has figured out a way to hack the human brain to create that drip. That's not breaking news or anything.

• 36:59Kurt Metzger?

  I'm an old, long balled Kat Dillman, I'll tell you flat out, uh, that ain't enough dopamine for me. I mean, I've fried my dopamine receptors over the years where every guy

• 37:08Duncan Trussell?

  You think you have?

• 37:09Kurt Metzger?

  I know I have.

• 37:10Duncan Trussell?

  I think they come back.

• 37:12Kurt Metzger?

  Um,

• 37:13Duncan Trussell?

  I'll tell you, after kicking nicotine,

• 37:14Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 37:15Duncan Trussell?

  You, you real, colors are brighter? Colors brighten up?

• 37:19Kurt Metzger?

  Now, that's strange because nicotine makes me dream harder.

• 37:21Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, I feel like shit. Don't get me wrong, like I'm having these like horrible cravings, but colors are brighter and like for real, I went through two days of like this weird hypersensitivity in my chest because blood flow starts, like it gets your blood flow coming back. So like your skin gets ultra sensitive again. You start like getting goosebumps and shit. It's so weird, dude. I like, but I was

• 37:49Kurt Metzger?

  Nicotine is blocking the sensitivity of my skin.

• 37:52Duncan Trussell?

  It, it's restricting blood flow. So when you get off it,

• 37:55Kurt Metzger?

  That's interesting.

• 37:56Duncan Trussell?

  It's a vasoconstrictor. So when you get off of it, blood starts flowing again and you start feeling shit more and then

• 38:02Kurt Metzger?

  I don't like that.

• 38:02Duncan Trussell?

  I know, I know. That's, well, that's what I'm confronting is like, oh my God, am I such a pussy that I don't wanna fully feel reality?

• 38:10Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, uh, look how it destroys Seth Simon inside when he has to feel. He has to feel the humor.

• 38:15Duncan Trussell?

  He feels.

• 38:16Kurt Metzger?

  And that poor fuck, you know, autism, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. It's not

• 38:19Duncan Trussell?

  Do you think he's autistic for real?

• 38:21Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I mean, I, I would, I would take that Substack as a legitimate diagnosis for very high functioning autism.

• 38:26Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 38:26Kurt Metzger?

  He completely, that's a guy, when you read his thing, He, he like, I mean, he thinks he gets it comedy, but he doesn't. He, he, it's not even malicious from him, even though it should be, it's not.

• 38:38Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 38:39Kurt Metzger?

  Cause he doesn't know to like, lie about what you said, like the way of somebody stealing Infowars would do. The way a scumbag like Ben Collins, who again is just a puppet of another guy. Like, that's not the brains behind shit and he's not the one buying Infowars, obviously. Obviously every town, and then of course the great Jeff Lawson. Uh, the billionaire behind the, uh, Tetra, global Tetrahedron, whatever the fuck is behind that. Okay. Uh, and the Onion AV. By the way, the reason, uh, that, that crew doesn't hates Peter Thiel so much is cause remember Gawker?

• 39:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 39:12Kurt Metzger?

  Peter Thiel destroyed Gawker. The one thing, by the way, I, I've so much talk shit on Peter Thiel because I don't know him and I, I, I don't, I don't agree with him, but. His philosophy, his philosophy to doing evil. You see that when they show in the news like, well, if you're doing evil, you're doing something and it's, that might be better.

• 39:29Duncan Trussell?

  That's Kermit the Frog.

• 39:31Kurt Metzger?

  You know, he talks like that. Okay. I want you to understand this Seth, and I, and I know the other thing was over your head with the every town, the way it was funding things. Because you're such a sweet autistic boy, but you have to understand, you have to understand this. His philosophy is the exact same philosophy as like Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. Or whoever you think, oh, any of the socialists you think are good, cause I know you think the DSA is real. And, and my friend who was telling me that like, no, Ben Collins hates Democrats. It's not a Democrat thing. And I forgot that she's not, all these people are not clued in. So the socialists here are not, didn't Bernie teach you this? Seth, I know you paid attention to Bernie.

• 40:12Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 40:12Kurt Metzger?

  You've surely learned his job is to channel your wewooshanewy energy into the Democratic Party. His job is to get you hyped up, get, just like AOC. AOC was gonna knock down the house. Remember that?

• 40:24Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 40:24Kurt Metzger?

  And what did she do? Vote with Israel and vote, hey, gotta vote Democrat. So I don't know, like, I, I'm an old tomcat, so I see the game now. My friend, the chick I was talking to was telling me about these people and, and she should see it. But Seth, I, I, I, I hope you could, you could see it buddy, because there's no credible socialism here. The oligarch, there's only feudalism in this country. There is no democracy. There is no right and left. Those are all things to fool an autistic boy like you, and they're putting poison in things. To make, to make the next generation like you, where you can't understand the layers of conversation. Which through no fault of your own, by the way.

• 41:02Duncan Trussell?

  Seth, don't worry about parsing what he just said. You come to Austin.

• 41:06Kurt Metzger?

  I don't think you can.

• 41:07Duncan Trussell?

  You're gonna go out with me and Kurt. We're gonna take you out for a night on the town.

• 41:11Kurt Metzger?

  He normally only cleans women, but we'll drive out there in the van and we'll wash you. Good boy.

• 41:16Duncan Trussell?

  We will powder you.

• 41:17Kurt Metzger?

  We're gonna wash you.

• 41:18Duncan Trussell?

  You'll be so clean and you will be so free.

• 41:20Kurt Metzger?

  This is not a warning. This is an offer.

• 41:21Duncan Trussell?

  It's a baptism. Now, can we go back to the furry quiz, please? Let's get out of this part. Let's, in this segment.

• 41:28Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna give Seth a bath. That is a threat with a good time.

• 41:32Duncan Trussell?

  I would just.

• 41:33Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna threaten Seth with a good time.

• 41:34Duncan Trussell?

  He's making it sound all aggro. We're so gentle.

• 41:36Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna make the water real hot.

• 41:38Duncan Trussell?

  We don't do that.

• 41:39Kurt Metzger?

  It's too hot, cat dog.

• 41:40Duncan Trussell?

  If it's too hot, we'll cool it off.

• 41:41Kurt Metzger?

  Get in the bath!

• 41:41Duncan Trussell?

  Come on. This is your own fucking service.

• 41:44Kurt Metzger?

  You're dirty and you got a dirty penis.

• 41:46Duncan Trussell?

  This is not our.

• 41:46Kurt Metzger?

  Your penis is dirty.

• 41:47Duncan Trussell?

  He does not come.

• 41:48Kurt Metzger?

  It's gotta be washed!

• 41:49Duncan Trussell?

  He does not come.

• 41:51Kurt Metzger?

  No, not from that.

• 41:52Duncan Trussell?

  What happened to that furry? Okay. What is this kittens and kink? So I guess.

• 41:56Kurt Metzger?

  Why? Yeah. What was this about?

• 41:58Duncan Trussell?

  Why did this come up?

• 41:59Kurt Metzger?

  I don't understand why that came up.

• 42:00Duncan Trussell?

  Kitten play.

• 42:01Kurt Metzger?

  You see a kitten up here? I'm a grown cat. I'm a tomcat.

• 42:03Duncan Trussell?

  You've been saying you're a tomcat.

• 42:05Kurt Metzger?

  I ain't no kitten.

• 42:05Duncan Trussell?

  Is this a furry thing?

• 42:07Kurt Metzger?

  Oh my gosh.

• 42:08Duncan Trussell?

  Okay. I have to go, I have to use the restroom. Excuse me. I'm not gonna be vulgar anymore. Seth, one, one thing I learned from your article is I'm gonna try to be less vulgar when it comes to using the restroom.

• 42:18Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. He's not even really shitting Seth. He's doing a fat rail.

• 42:23Duncan Trussell?

  I have to go to the restroom and make brown.

• 42:24Kurt Metzger?

  It's not a shit. He's doing a fat rail. You know what I'm saying?

• 42:27Duncan Trussell?

  Oh yeah! That's, that's the accusation that was leveled at us! How dare you!

• 42:32Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, uh, I was not aware of, this is a real accusation.

• 42:35Duncan Trussell?

  That we were doing drugs in the bathroom.

• 42:38Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, I hate drugs.

• 42:40Duncan Trussell?

  Oh!

• 42:41Kurt Metzger?

  I'm against that shit. I like legal Delta nine.

• 42:43Duncan Trussell?

  Are you fucking serious?

• 42:44Kurt Metzger?

  I like gram gas, which is perfectly legal.

• 42:46Duncan Trussell?

  Gram gas? Where is the gram gas?

• 42:49Kurt Metzger?

  And where the fuck's the gram gas, by the way?

• 42:50Duncan Trussell?

  It disappeared cause the, they did it while we were gone. I can't say.

• 42:53Kurt Metzger?

  Someone did up our gram gas.

• 42:58Kurt Metzger?

  How am I supposed to get, how am I supposed to get Lindsey Graham inside of me?

• 43:04Kurt Metzger?

  Y'all look gay.

• 43:21Kurt Metzger?

  Do you think Seth would do the show? Cause I really would like to have him on, cause I, I wanna understand what his beliefs are. Cause if you notice, he's very like black and white thinking, like, like this is wrong and you said a thing that's bad. And when people say a thing that's bad, there should be real world context with it. He did, he feels that deeply. But on the other side, I think he's like a completely rat, uh, what do you call it? Secular rational materialist? Or historical materialist probably, cause he's into commie shit. Is there a way to find out Seth Simons if he has religious beliefs?

• 43:57Kurt Metzger?

  I'm so fascinated with him. He's got that sweet face. Oh, look at him.

• 44:03Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, wait, is that him?

• 44:06Kurt Metzger?

  That looks weird as hell. And those, I can't read that at all. I'm wearing sunglasses inside and, um, it's very small writing. There you go. I got old eyes. I'm from Massachusetts, lives in Brooklyn. I am from Massachusetts and live in Brooklyn. My, can you, uh, it's getting cut off on the screen. My poetry has appeared, uh, Seth, can I tell you something for real? There's not, I'm not making this up. It's a thing I don't like to talk about, but before I ever did stand up and before I went to art school, I used to go to poetry readings and read poems to people.

• 44:38Kurt Metzger?

  I can admit that to you Seth. I feel like I commit a lot of things to you. You know, I bet if I gave you a nice bath, got you real clean, I could tell you all kinds of shit. Teach you how jokes work.

• 44:55Kurt Metzger?

  Do you want me to come down there in a van and wash you Seth? Do you want me to do that? You gotta ask me.

• 45:04Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I don't come unless I'm invited. That's a poem.

• 45:13Kurt Metzger?

  Do we got cut, or we cut to like a poem I have for Seth Simons of how we're gonna come to his house and clean him?

• 45:20Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, I'll just put it in. I'll just make it after this and then we.

• 45:28Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, poem for friends. Let's look at his poetry, cause I feel like it's not, uh, poem after collapse. Let's see that one. Wait, Missouri Review. Oh yeah. Poem after collapse. Let's see.

• 45:41Kurt Metzger?

  Verification required. Why?

• 45:47Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 45:50Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. So far, okay. Project Muse. You gotta make it real big for me, for my old ass eyes.

• 46:03Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, let's see. Keep going. Published by you, University of Missouri. Where's the, where's the poem?

• 46:09Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. I, okay. This, okay. We've got to go back. I wanna see this. I was born, poem after collapse. I'm reading Seth's poetry. Oh, Dr. Magnet. Why don't you read a poem?

• 46:23Duncan Trussell?

  He's got poetry?

• 46:24Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, this guy's great. Uh, please subscribe to his Substack.

• 46:27Duncan Trussell?

  We can't.

• 46:27Kurt Metzger?

  Don't say shitty things at him.

• 46:28Duncan Trussell?

  I don't wanna, I, I really don't wanna bully this sweet boy.

• 46:31Kurt Metzger?

  I'm supporting him by saying, get his Substack, okay? And.

• 46:36Duncan Trussell?

  I'll read one of his poems.

• 46:37Kurt Metzger?

  Mystery Boy sent you and that's it. Nothing bad.

• 46:39Duncan Trussell?

  Poems, but then we gotta pass.

• 46:40Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, go back up, go back up.

• 46:41Duncan Trussell?

  We gotta pass on.

• 46:42Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I, I want you to read this. Poem after collapse. Go down just a little bit.

• 46:48Kurt Metzger?

  Oh yeah, hand me that.

• 46:49Duncan Trussell?

  I think it's out for real. It's out.

• 46:53Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, they did all that gas. Yeah.

• 46:54Duncan Trussell?

  I can't believe you guys did all our gas.

• 46:56Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. We gotta send somebody out for some gram gas.

• 47:00Duncan Trussell?

  That was the.

• 47:02Kurt Metzger?

  What do you need to run out right now and get some?

• 47:03Duncan Trussell?

  It's gone. It's empty. By the way, I will never forgive you for handing me an empty gram gas.

• 47:11Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, that's bad.

• 47:13Duncan Trussell?

  That hurts. It's about to go in the promised land.

• 47:16Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, let's, I mean, now I'm in the mood for some Seth Simon poem. Read this.

• 47:20Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, I'll read it.

• 47:20Kurt Metzger?

  Poem after collapse.

• 47:22Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 47:24Duncan Trussell?

  Hold on. Okay. Let me try to read this.

• 47:31Duncan Trussell?

  I was born in a cursed land. In the west, we were cursed with fertile plains that bore great harvests of wheat and soy and corn.

• 47:41Kurt Metzger?

  Yes.

• 47:42Duncan Trussell?

  In the north, we were cursed with mountains whose icebound passes cursed us by melting into rivers.

• 47:48Kurt Metzger?

  Sounds like necessary.

• 47:49Duncan Trussell?

  These rivers, they cursed us by opening vast networks of commerce, which cursed us in turn with cities dedicated to art and enterprise and the cultivation of knowledge.

• 48:00Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, it sounds like-

• 48:00Duncan Trussell?

  With barges, they cursed us to dress in dyed wools and silks.

• 48:05Kurt Metzger?

  That doesn't sound like a curse.

• 48:07Duncan Trussell?

  To drink fine coffees and teas. With books, they cursed us to understand each other. From the earth, we were cursed with aquifers and precious metals and deep reservoirs of oil. From the sky, we were cursed with golden and ruby and violet birds.

• 48:25Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, uh-

• 48:26Duncan Trussell?

  I like it, I like it.

• 48:27Kurt Metzger?

  Cut to-

• 48:27Duncan Trussell?

  With a moon that commanded the sea. Our forests cursed us with rich pigments and healing herbs. Our deserts with salt. Our shorelines with moist air, rising into the rains that gave life. Even I was cursed with a mother and father who cursed me with bread and song and the same boundless love that cursed our ancestors. The curse was all I knew. And then, one day it lifted.

• 48:56Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it's like the end of 1984. He knew, he loved Big Brother.

• 48:59Duncan Trussell?

  This is a good, that was good writing.

• 49:02Kurt Metzger?

  Um, yeah.

• 49:04Duncan Trussell?

  Do you know how much it sucks to write like that?

• 49:06Kurt Metzger?

  Hmm.

• 49:07Duncan Trussell?

  And then you're reviewing us?

• 49:09Kurt Metzger?

  Well, he was back in college, right?

• 49:11Duncan Trussell?

  But that sucks.

• 49:12Kurt Metzger?

  What do you mean?

• 49:13Duncan Trussell?

  I'm just saying, you're writing, I find that, I would be proud if I wrote that. You guys can make fun of me all you want. Seth Simons, go to his Substack.

• 49:21Kurt Metzger?

  Um, I don't like that I don't understand what it meant, and I don't-

• 49:24Duncan Trussell?

  But that doesn't, you don't, that's not-

• 49:25Kurt Metzger?

  It doesn't tell you, what does it mean to curse? And I don't like to think about it.

• 49:28Duncan Trussell?

  It doesn't matter, you just-

• 49:28Kurt Metzger?

  What, I'm supposed to think about it for myself?

• 49:30Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, I, did you-

• 49:30Kurt Metzger?

  Fuck that.

• 49:31Duncan Trussell?

  Where did you go to school? I went to a liberal arts school.

• 49:33Kurt Metzger?

  I went to a school that I didn't have to pay the loan back because the government deemed it not a real school at a later date.

• 49:39Duncan Trussell?

  We learned to read-

• 49:40Kurt Metzger?

  Thank God I didn't finish making pizzas.

• 49:41Duncan Trussell?

  You don't, you're not reading for any, you're reading for the feeling it gives you. That gives you a kind of feeling. It's fine. All I'm saying is, you write like that, the next thing you know, you're writing reviews about like Legion of Skanks and mystery boys and shit. That's sad.

• 49:57Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I mean-

• 49:58Duncan Trussell?

  That's a, that, that's-

• 50:00Kurt Metzger?

  You could be doing this, you just gotta have a little bit of a sense of humor.

• 50:03Duncan Trussell?

  It's just sad. I'm just saying, Seth, you, I get it. I think I understand you a little more after reading that poem.

• 50:09Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, do you understand this?

• 50:10Duncan Trussell?

  That hurts.

• 50:11Kurt Metzger?

  Who's that, um, black chick that is, uh, she was in all the things like Us and she won a, and she won a, for shitting in a pie movie? The Help won an Oscar? Lupita something? Lupita no Longo?

• 50:26Duncan Trussell?

  What about her?

• 50:28Kurt Metzger?

  I saw an interview with him where it said, "The last time I cried," and it said, "When Lupita won."

• 50:34Duncan Trussell?

  What? Why?

• 50:37Kurt Metzger?

  When she won an Oscar.

• 50:38Duncan Trussell?

  He cried tears of joy or he was sad?

• 50:40Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I, I, I'm like, I think it's great that she won. I don't know why you're upset.

• 50:44Duncan Trussell?

  Why was he upset?

• 50:46Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know. Was he racist? No, I think it's tears of joy. At the time, I was like, well, I for one am happy for her.

• 50:52Duncan Trussell?

  He cried when she won an Oscar?

• 50:55Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, dude, Seth, I'm saying this to help you, buddy. You, what about people losing their sanity and you, you care about the Oscars?

• 51:02Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, this, let me tell you.

• 51:03Kurt Metzger?

  Seth, do you care about SNL? Do you care about SNL? Like, you really feel like that's the place where we're gonna hash out our moral rewards and you don't see that that's part of the thing that you supposedly don't like? You don't see that?

• 51:14Duncan Trussell?

  Can I just say this? Seth, I get it, dude. You've been thrust into a rough period in time-space. I think you have an artist soul and you feel significant, because I think you could have, you could be eventually, but you've misplaced the significance into default reality pop culture shit, and now you're going nuts.

• 51:35Kurt Metzger?

  That's the autism. That's why they engineered you.

• 51:37Duncan Trussell?

  That's what it is.

• 51:37Kurt Metzger?

  And by the way, so what if you wanna write a poem to a girl?

• 51:40Duncan Trussell?

  None of this shit's real.

• 51:40Kurt Metzger?

  And then just keep sending her a bunch of poems until she lets you touch her boobs? That don't make you a pest.

• 51:45Duncan Trussell?

  Did he send poetry and they're calling him a pest?

• 51:47Kurt Metzger?

  I'm trying to imagine how this poet would be pestering a woman for sex. I'm just trying to come up with theories, because I don't think he did it.

• 51:54Duncan Trussell?

  Who, where's that?

• 51:55Kurt Metzger?

  I think the women, Seth, were liars.

• 51:56Duncan Trussell?

  Is there an accuracy? I don't even wanna pull it out. I don't wanna do some muckraking shit. And it feels like we're passive aggressively doing that. The man's a poet. The man has a heart of a flo-

• 52:06Kurt Metzger?

  Seth, let me to your house and let us bathe you. I'm not gonna ask you again.

• 52:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 52:12Kurt Metzger?

  Let us bring Dr. Magnet's van to your house and wash you up real good. Listen, and you tell us your poems. Get you up clean.

• 52:21Duncan Trussell?

  You know, you made me think of this Joni Mitchell song. "I am on a lonely road and I am traveling."

• 52:28Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 52:28Duncan Trussell?

  Looking for something, what could it be?

• 52:32Kurt Metzger?

  You're gonna think my butthole's a guillotine for your little pecker.

• 52:35Duncan Trussell?

  I hate you so much, my love.

• 52:37Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna chop your dick off with my asshole.

• 52:39Duncan Trussell?

  The more I forget about me-

• 52:41Kurt Metzger?

  Alright, sorry, that's a poem.

• 52:42Duncan Trussell?

  I wanna talk to ya.

• 52:44Kurt Metzger?

  That's a poem, my-

• 52:44Duncan Trussell?

  I wanna shampoo you. I wanna renew you.

• 52:47Kurt Metzger?

  I'm trying to talk about my poetry.

• 52:48Duncan Trussell?

  Again and again. I'm trying to sing to my boy.

• 52:54Kurt Metzger?

  My asshole's a guillotine and your dickhead is Marie Antoinette.

• 52:57Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, boy. Trump signs executive order to launch AI power to America.gov. You know, Trump is, is to America what Musk is to X.

• 53:07Kurt Metzger?

  What's that?

• 53:07Duncan Trussell?

  Well, Elon Musk names everything X. Trump is naming everything America.

• 53:13Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I think because, um, as president, he has no actual power to do any fucking real shit besides-

• 53:18Duncan Trussell?

  Except change lake names.

• 53:20Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, okay, so that's something that an autistic boy could never see the evidence in that?

• 53:24Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 53:24Kurt Metzger?

  Like, you couldn't tell that every town clearly has a massive money thing behind the thing?

• 53:28Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 53:28Kurt Metzger?

  With its exclusive advertising, you fucking chump.

• 53:31Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 53:31Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my God. I mean, unbelievable. Anyway, this is how you know how much a president, so Trump, if you remember all the talk he had, um, he, it's the biggest rug pull I've ever seen in my life. I mean, I've never seen a president. Obama, I would say, is the second biggest rug pull, but Trump's a way bigger one because-

• 53:49Duncan Trussell?

  Huge.

• 53:50Kurt Metzger?

  Obama just said a lot of hopy-dopey shit that, that they could like, "No, well, I didn't mean we weren't gonna blow everybody up, but still, I just must make hop-a-doop-a-doop." But Trump was like, "The wars are stupid. Shouldn't go to Iran. We gotta make sure you can afford a house."

• 54:05Duncan Trussell?

  I think they were selling no war with Iran shirts in the beginning. Like, it's, it's the, can you pull up Trump no war with Iran shirt?

• 54:15Kurt Metzger?

  So then, uh, cut to, we have war with Iran.

• 54:19Duncan Trussell?

  No, it's the craziest rug pull of all time.

• 54:21Kurt Metzger?

  It's, uh, I feel like I've gone to the upside down from-

• 54:24Duncan Trussell?

  We are in the upside down.

• 54:26Kurt Metzger?

  And do you know what the upside down is, dummy?

• 54:28Duncan Trussell?

  Well, I don't know for sure this is, this, anyone could have made this, but, uh, I feel like they were selling no stupid war.

• 54:34Kurt Metzger?

  I remember this, they were selling those.

• 54:36Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 54:36Kurt Metzger?

  It's ridiculous. So, so, and, you know, again, I just wanna point this out. If, um, if, uh, who was the chick running against him? Wendy Williams, I believe, was her name?

• 54:45Duncan Trussell?

  Wendy Williams was running against Trump?

• 54:47Kurt Metzger?

  Who was, yeah, the first black woman. Wendy Williams.

• 54:50Duncan Trussell?

  Kamala Harris, come on. Are you talking about Kamala?

• 54:54Kurt Metzger?

  No, that is the girl, the more MCU, kind of Pakistani hero.

• 54:58Duncan Trussell?

  Wendy Williams is sick.

• 54:58Kurt Metzger?

  Kamala Harris, and she's like, uh, Wonder Girl, something?

• 55:02Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 55:03Kurt Metzger?

  Althea Gibson, who fucks that?

• 55:04Duncan Trussell?

  I'm so lost.

• 55:06Kurt Metzger?

  Not Serena's in Venus.

• 55:08Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 55:08Kurt Metzger?

  No, Wendy Williams. There was a black woman running for president, finally. She, she's talking like she has a drinking problem.

• 55:14Duncan Trussell?

  It's Kamala Harris. Did you forget her name? Can you guys pull up Kamala, or is this who you're talking about? Not Wendy Williams.

• 55:22Kurt Metzger?

  No, the other Wendy Williams, the different Wendy Williams.

• 55:24Duncan Trussell?

  For real, guys?

• 55:25Kurt Metzger?

  Not that Wendy Williams, the other one.

• 55:26Duncan Trussell?

  Pull up Kamala, pull up Kam-

• 55:28Kurt Metzger?

  No, I know, it was a mistake. I, I'm not talking about this Wendy Williams.

• 55:30Duncan Trussell?

  Pull up the Wendy's girl.

• 55:34Kurt Metzger?

  The other Wendy Williams.

• 55:35Duncan Trussell?

  Look, this is-

• 55:36Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that one.

• 55:37Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, it's Kamala Harris.

• 55:38Kurt Metzger?

  Her name's not Kamala Black Lady, I know that, so there's something weird.

• 55:41Duncan Trussell?

  It's Kamala Harris.

• 55:42Kurt Metzger?

  Somebody's messing with the algorithm.

• 55:43Duncan Trussell?

  She was the vice president.

• 55:46Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, do you, can you play the, can you play, um, okay, can you play the-

• 55:52Duncan Trussell?

  That's Wendy Williams, that is not Kamala Harris.

• 55:54Kurt Metzger?

  That's the Wendy Williams, and now, which one?

• 55:57Duncan Trussell?

  That is not Kamala Harris.

• 55:58Kurt Metzger?

  No, this is, uh, Tiny and T.I. That's T.I.'s wife.

• 56:02Duncan Trussell?

  Guys, pull up Kamala Harris, please. Let's keep it on track.

• 56:06Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, wait a minute, it must be clones, dude. You might stumble on some clones.

• 56:10Duncan Trussell?

  Can you guys pull up Kamala Harris talking about Christmas?

• 56:13Kurt Metzger?

  No, wait, wait, wait, wait, way better one. Way better one.

• 56:15Duncan Trussell?

  What do you have?

• 56:16Kurt Metzger?

  Kamala Harris explaining the Ukraine war on a morning radio station.

• 56:20Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, can you pull that up?

• 56:21Kurt Metzger?

  Have you heard that?

• 56:22Duncan Trussell?

  I wanna hear it again, just to revisit.

• 56:24Kurt Metzger?

  Now, I just wanna point that this was the alternative to Trump, who was outright saying he was gonna not do all these awful shit. Okay, and, and he was gonna, Ukraine would have never happened if he was in office.

• 56:34Duncan Trussell?

  Just stop trying to get out of it, it's your fault.

• 56:37Kurt Metzger?

  What, who me?

• 56:37Duncan Trussell?

  That Trump got elected.

• 56:39Kurt Metzger?

  I've never voted.

• 56:40Duncan Trussell?

  It's still your fault.

• 56:41Kurt Metzger?

  No, no, but get the recording, you know? I wanna hear how, yeah, she explains, no. Okay, wait, that there, they're making fun of her for her explaining social media algorithms? But I don't think she's wrong in that, by the way. But I wanna hear, explains Ukraine war. Not morning radio, Ukraine war.

• 56:59Duncan Trussell?

  Uh, explains Ukraine war.

• 57:00Kurt Metzger?

  Well, which you need to explain morning radio.

• 57:02Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, here it is.

• 57:02Kurt Metzger?

  No, second one, second one, that's second one, that one.

• 57:05Duncan Trussell?

  Let's hear it.

• 57:08Speaker 05

  Watching any level of news, even social media, you're seeing everything that's going on right now in the Ukraine. Break it down in layman's terms for people who don't understand what's going on and how can this directly affect the people of the United States?

• 57:19Speaker 06

  So, Ukraine is a country in Europe. It exists next to another country called Russia. Russia is a bigger country. Russia is a powerful country. Russia decided to invade a smaller country called Ukraine. So, basically, that's wrong.

• 57:39Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. You heard it here first, black people. What is this?

• 57:45Duncan Trussell?

  Ah, that is amazing.

• 57:47Kurt Metzger?

  Um, yeah, so, so-

• 57:49Duncan Trussell?

  That's amazing.

• 57:50Kurt Metzger?

  So, honest to God, Seth, you think that that, that would have been, we'd have the exact same thing as, as Trump if it had been her. However, there would have been like a hantavirus lockdown.

• 58:01Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know.

• 58:02Kurt Metzger?

  We, what do you mean, you don't know?

• 58:04Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know, Seth could be right.

• 58:06Kurt Metzger?

  What, that Kamala would have been better?

• 58:08Duncan Trussell?

  Sure.

• 58:10Kurt Metzger?

  Well, go on, do go on, Ambassador.

• 58:12Duncan Trussell?

  I can't, I don't know. All I'm saying is, he's a mystery boy now, and maybe he's-

• 58:17Kurt Metzger?

  He's a mystery-kan. I mean, there's only two mystery boys.

• 58:19Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, you're right. He's a myster-kan. I don't know, man, I-

• 58:22Kurt Metzger?

  That's up to you how to pronounce it, too.

• 58:23Duncan Trussell?

  Kamala Harris just like, seemed like she, she sort of like, was teleporting in from an alternate universe, but didn't teleport all the way through.

• 58:35Duncan Trussell?

  You know?

• 58:37Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that, wait a minute. Who pulled the great, great job. Uh, here's what the United States might have become if Kamala Harris had won the presidency. That's a good song for the show. Like if Kamala won, it might set life would be so fun.

• 58:52Duncan Trussell?

  The winds would be warm.

• 58:54Kurt Metzger?

  All the women would weigh a ton.

• 58:58Duncan Trussell?

  Can we pull up Kamala talking about Christmas, though? That I do want to watch it.

• 59:02Kurt Metzger?

  Very musical episode.

• 59:02Duncan Trussell?

  Now that we're doing sentimental shit.

• 59:04Kurt Metzger?

  I want to know what, what, what, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. I want to know how it'd be different.

• 59:09Kurt Metzger?

  Go, let, let's scroll and see what would have been different. Does it say?

• 59:13Duncan Trussell?

  Who wrote this?

• 59:14Kurt Metzger?

  Dr. Warren J. Blumenfeld.

• 59:16Duncan Trussell?

  Come on.

• 59:18Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It seems only a few minutes on my commentary's appear in cyberspace, which in any way criticized Donald Trump's actions or policies. Two men who define themselves orthodox Jews challenged my analyses while attacking my character. I've been there, buddy. And my standing with Hashem. The Jewish, Hashem is everyone's god, sir. As expressed in the Torah, the Jewish whole, I know what the Torah is. Okay.

• 59:39Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck?

• 59:40Kurt Metzger?

  We know what that is, Dr. Blumenfeld. They claim that I am not a good Jew. Is this the right article?

• 59:45Duncan Trussell?

  This can't be the article.

• 59:46Kurt Metzger?

  Keep going down, keep going down. Whatever. Oh, I can see why you're a doctor. Though I have studied the texts of several religions I learned long ago. Let's see.

• 59:54Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck is this?

• 59:56Kurt Metzger?

  Keep going down, keep going down. I want to go to the thing he promised.

• 59:58Duncan Trussell?

  Put this in front of all his articles?

• 59:59Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, okay. Oh, Hashem, this is, okay, uh, the other man being, uh, let's see. It took me a, um, some few minutes to compile the list, though I could have continued ad infinitum.

• 1:00:11Duncan Trussell?

  Lower inflation.

• 1:00:12Kurt Metzger?

  Really? Okay.

• 1:00:14Duncan Trussell?

  Lower energy and grocery, grocery prices.

• 1:00:16Kurt Metzger?

  That's odd.

• 1:00:16Duncan Trussell?

  No invasion of Venezuela and Iran.

• 1:00:19Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I find that, well, hold on. Venezuela? I, I could see it. Because, uh, Maduro obviously is with the other faction. If we just, CIA installed Maduro.

• 1:00:28Duncan Trussell?

  Sixteen military lives would have been saved. True.

• 1:00:30Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, wow. Sixteen whole military lives, uh, Dr.

• 1:00:34Duncan Trussell?

  Most likely no corruption.

• 1:00:36Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, we're losing it. Losing coherence.

• 1:00:40Duncan Trussell?

  No illegal destruction of the White House.

• 1:00:42Kurt Metzger?

  What about if you bring those trans cities in there? That ain't destroy the, okay.

• 1:00:45Duncan Trussell?

  No pardon for the January sixth insurrection is true.

• 1:00:48Kurt Metzger?

  Fuck you.

• 1:00:49Duncan Trussell?

  Subs, subsidies for affordable health, healthcare.

• 1:00:53Kurt Metzger?

  Well, not eliminating, uh, no.

• 1:00:55Duncan Trussell?

  No grifting billions while in office.

• 1:00:57Kurt Metzger?

  Biden was cutting all that and he wanted Medicare to have deep cuts and we, Jimmy Dore should, we played it over and over. They're all against you. So that's stupid. Okay. No grifting. Shut the fuck up.

• 1:01:07Duncan Trussell?

  This is so long.

• 1:01:08Kurt Metzger?

  No breaking our country's historic alliances. That means we'd be fighting more in, uh, you, that means the World War Three would start more in Ukraine than in the Middle East.

• 1:01:16Duncan Trussell?

  No retreat from the WHO.

• 1:01:18Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, uh, that's, I forgot about that. Uh, it, oh, I forgot to tell you. So last night. Let's see, wait. No termination. Oh, USAID. It is predicted to kill literally millions of starving and ill people. Yeah. If the CIA can't shoot your kids up with shit, they'll die. I'm sure those countries are gonna go, where is the CIA to give them?

• 1:01:44Duncan Trussell?

  They needed the United States.

• 1:01:46Kurt Metzger?

  Wow. Funding for Ukraine's war against Russia's terrorism. You are an idiot. Commitment to justice and human immigration. Um, boy, you can go on and on and it's all nonsense. By the way, Trump has not ended any of that. It's just more of it went to a, a certain Middle Eastern country that we shouldn't say their name.

• 1:02:02Duncan Trussell?

  Israel?

• 1:02:03Kurt Metzger?

  No, uh, Qatar, actually. No, actually the Emir, the Emirates.

• 1:02:08Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know, man. I'm, I, it's, you know, hindsight's always 2020.

• 1:02:13Kurt Metzger?

  What? Oh, maybe we shouldn't have given, uh, all, all that money to Ukraine that disappeared and then had no oversight of how they spent it. So all the weapons we sent there, and we're out of shit from sending it to Ukraine, by the way, all kinds of stuff.

• 1:02:25Duncan Trussell?

  Now, what do you think about this giving these bombs to Israel? Can you guys pull that up? What's that all about, man? I keep seeing this percolating, my, the algorithm.

• 1:02:32Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, the Moab, uh, those, uh.

• 1:02:34Duncan Trussell?

  What is that, dude? What's going on there?

• 1:02:35Kurt Metzger?

  Biggest conventional bomb besides a nuke.

• 1:02:37Duncan Trussell?

  Is this what we talk about on this podcast? Is this more like Jimmy Dore topic?

• 1:02:41Kurt Metzger?

  Well, dude, you know what they were doing? Some people were, um, if you watch Norman Finkelstein talk about it, some psychopath was like writing his name on the, you know, how the center? Lindsey Graham was a big guy would sign a missile that was gonna be dropped on someone. He loves that. That's good Jew. That's what he calls a good Jew Jew.

• 1:02:55Duncan Trussell?

  Brave to do that. It's brave.

• 1:02:58Kurt Metzger?

  Cause he's a brave man and he wanted them to know. Or like, it's like writing a scripture on a bullet.

• 1:03:02Duncan Trussell?

  Yep. Yeah, it's great. It's a good sign. You're in great psychological health if you're writing shit on bombs.

• 1:03:07Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. So part of the reason that we're gonna give them those bombs is because, um, we're out of the other bombs because, uh, we're gonna need to go, oh, Seth, we need to worry about, buddy, is, um, we're going to Iran and your gender blob friends are gonna have to do some pushups and go.

• 1:03:20Duncan Trussell?

  What is the specifics of this? The Trump administration approves, we're giving them $2.8 billion in weapons. They're saying it's a sale, but I, I read that, that we're giving it to them.

• 1:03:31Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it's, it's, look, here's a better thing to put in.

• 1:03:34Duncan Trussell?

  Sending powerful bombs to Israel. Uh, maybe it's a sale.

• 1:03:39Kurt Metzger?

  I want you to put in, uh, DHS, Department of Homeland Security Office in Tel Aviv. So Americans, uh, this is a story I heard many years ago.

• 1:03:48Duncan Trussell?

  This can't be real.

• 1:03:52Kurt Metzger?

  Opinions are mixed on Reddit. Oh, wow, Reddit, the most.

• 1:03:58Duncan Trussell?

  Well, fuck it. What the fuck?

• 1:04:00Kurt Metzger?

  Regarding a violence that with the official US Department of Homeland Security account briefly displayed, uh, Tel Aviv. So I guess they're saying that they don't, uh, spoiler alert, that is real. Oh, a conspiracy. Seth, I hope you got your typewriter. And there was an ICE office in Tel Aviv as well.

• 1:04:17Duncan Trussell?

  Really?

• 1:04:19Kurt Metzger?

  And that's directed, that, so who direct, who runs ICE? As you know, the department.

• 1:04:23Duncan Trussell?

  Pull up pictures of Tel Aviv.

• 1:04:24Kurt Metzger?

  You, who runs ICE? Duncan? Doctor? Magnet?

• 1:04:28Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:04:28Kurt Metzger?

  Who, oh, runs ICE?

• 1:04:30Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know.

• 1:04:30Kurt Metzger?

  The Department of Homeland Security.

• 1:04:32Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:04:32Kurt Metzger?

  So that's why there'd be a Homeland Security Office.

• 1:04:34Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I see.

• 1:04:35Kurt Metzger?

  In Tel Aviv as well as an ICE office. Now, we covered that on Jimmy's show, the ICE office. But why is it there, though? That's very strange.

• 1:04:42Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 1:04:43Kurt Metzger?

  Well, cause of a program called Gideon.

• 1:04:45Duncan Trussell?

  What's that?

• 1:04:47Kurt Metzger?

  You ever think your iPhone was reading your mind?

• 1:04:49Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 1:04:50Kurt Metzger?

  That's cause it is. And the information gets sent back through Gideon in Tel Aviv. You see, it's illegal for the DHS to set that up here and do their pre-crime unit that you might have seen in Minority Report.

• 1:05:01Duncan Trussell?

  How does Gideon work?

• 1:05:03Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, neural, they read neural patterns. Uh, Epstein, oh, good news. Epstein was a big part of it.

• 1:05:09Duncan Trussell?

  You think it literally reads your mind?

• 1:05:12Kurt Metzger?

  It reads your neural pa, they've already, okay.

• 1:05:14Duncan Trussell?

  How?

• 1:05:15Kurt Metzger?

  It reads the neural patterns.

• 1:05:16Duncan Trussell?

  Like your phone.

• 1:05:16Kurt Metzger?

  Listen, don't ask me and then don't, it reads neural patterns. Okay. So, oh, this part lit up in your brain. It's not, I'm just explaining to you, but it's not exactly that. Okay.

• 1:05:26Duncan Trussell?

  How does it go in your?

• 1:05:27Kurt Metzger?

  That lights up in your brain. They learn to translate what, what means what. That's all. So that, so it's reading, it is reading your mind, but it's not like, you know, it, do you understand how they do it?

• 1:05:39Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, I've read that. I've heard this stuff, but I just don't understand how my iPhone is picking up.

• 1:05:44Kurt Metzger?

  Because your whole body can be used to conduct all kinds of signals.

• 1:05:47Duncan Trussell?

  Fascinating. I mean, it wouldn't surprise me.

• 1:05:49Kurt Metzger?

  Your big bag of water.

• 1:05:50Duncan Trussell?

  I do think things and it shows up on my phone.

• 1:05:52Kurt Metzger?

  You're a big bag of blood and water and, and, uh, heavy and soft metals. That's why all the metals is really good having to people because you could really use them as, uh, transistors.

• 1:06:02Duncan Trussell?

  I see.

• 1:06:03Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, yeah, well, let's see. Oh, this is the wearable device. Now, we've been over this on.

• 1:06:10Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, what? I love it when this happens with you. Apple has patented technology to turn wearable audio devices like AirPods and headphones into neural monitoring stations that read brain activity using embed, wait, embedded electrodes. That's invasive.

• 1:06:26Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, will you put on the mind, the, uh, Davos, the mind-reading headphones? Did everyone forget?

• 1:06:31Duncan Trussell?

  But that's not what you're talking about. Like, this is saying you got embedded shit in your head.

• 1:06:35Kurt Metzger?

  I want you to understand the tech goes back probably to the 60s.

• 1:06:38Duncan Trussell?

  I don't doubt this is happening, but.

• 1:06:40Kurt Metzger?

  The tech goes back a long, long, long, remember the book 1984 that was about a future where it might be, okay, well, I want everybody to understand this. Seth, are you paying attention, buddy? Uh, in 1984, the book, 1984?

• 1:06:52Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:52Kurt Metzger?

  Much of that had already come true then. You just didn't know it.

• 1:06:55Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:06:55Kurt Metzger?

  Cause that's how far ahead the tech was.

• 1:06:57Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:06:58Kurt Metzger?

  And what you're watching now with the goofy UFO shit is, again, the tech is always how many years?

• 1:07:02Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, but in 1984, the tech was not really that advanced. It was people snitching on each other.

• 1:07:06Kurt Metzger?

  No, the tech you got to play with wasn't that advanced.

• 1:07:09Duncan Trussell?

  But in the book, it was more like.

• 1:07:11Kurt Metzger?

  The TV watching you?

• 1:07:13Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that wasn't, it wasn't, I would say the universe run is far more insidious of a panopticon than Orwell's 1984.

• 1:07:22Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I, I would say Orwell's is pretty simple compared to this one.

• 1:07:25Duncan Trussell?

  Simple. I mean, how could he know?

• 1:07:26Kurt Metzger?

  Cause they're controlled. This is, the one we have now is more of Brave New World mixed with it.

• 1:07:31Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah, that, that's true. Yeah. Here you can relax into it a little bit.

• 1:07:35Kurt Metzger?

  Davos, I'm talking about that talk, the Davos talk about, about brain, uh, brain-reading headphones. I, I guess I gotta show this thing because everybody forgets it every.

• 1:07:42Duncan Trussell?

  And the algorithm can correct your wrong thing. That's the other thing.

• 1:07:45Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, video. It's a video. Do you know what I'm talking?

• 1:07:49Duncan Trussell?

  You can get an algorithm.

• 1:07:49Kurt Metzger?

  Here we go. Ready for brain transparency. Wait, go ahead, hit that.

• 1:07:53Duncan Trussell?

  Uh, Davos is always putting out some weird shit.

• 1:07:55Kurt Metzger?

  Now, I believe this talk originally is from like, I want to say 2017, not even, or 2023 or something?

• 1:08:02Duncan Trussell?

  Let's play it. Play the clip.

• 1:08:03Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, it's 2023.

• 1:08:04Duncan Trussell?

  Hello, everybody. I'm Nicholas Thompson. I'm the CEO of The Atlantic and I will be your.

• 1:08:08Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, The Atlantic, run by the widow of jobs. Friend of Glee and Max.

• 1:08:14Duncan Trussell?

  Let's hear this.

• 1:08:15Kurt Metzger?

  What happened?

• 1:08:16Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know.

• 1:08:18Kurt Metzger?

  You have to sit.

• 1:08:18Duncan Trussell?

  They got us, dude.

• 1:08:19Speaker 07

  Internet is, uh.

• 1:08:20Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, good.

• 1:08:21Duncan Trussell?

  The internet's weird because of the floods.

• 1:08:23Speaker 07

  But this is a patent that Apple.

• 1:08:26Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I don't care about that. I don't, I, I know nerds.

• 1:08:28Speaker 07

  Goes into what you're talking about.

• 1:08:29Kurt Metzger?

  I know. Nerds care about this and I don't. I, like, like, I don't have to show Rogan this. Rogan, they have patents. He needs to see like that shit and I don't need to see that. I just need to know the story.

• 1:08:39Duncan Trussell?

  Can we hit play on it? Is it working now? Cause where, the time period we're in right now, guys, shit's about to get, you're already, you don't even know it's coming. We're living it right now. The floods have come. There it is. Hello, everybody. I'm Nicholas Thompson. I'm the CEO of The Atlantic and I will be your moderator today. We are going to have an incredible session. Star of the show is Nita Farahani. She's a futurist and legal ethicist.

• 1:09:03Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, a futurist. Those are the best.

• 1:09:05Duncan Trussell?

  And she's so smart. So interesting. You're gonna learn a ton. This is how it's gonna work. We're gonna watch a short video. She's gonna come on stage and talk. Okay. And then we're gonna do a little Q and A. Questions from the audience and that'll be a wrap.

• 1:09:17Kurt Metzger?

  He's from the Atlantic.

• 1:09:18Duncan Trussell?

  You think that's a Bible he's holding? And excited. So first off, a video, uh, it's gonna make you see the future and understand a wonderful future where we can use brainwaves to fight crime, be more productive.

• 1:09:29Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, they're doing it now with Gideon.

• 1:09:32Duncan Trussell?

  Fight crime and be more productive.

• 1:09:34Kurt Metzger?

  Even you can't believe how productive you've been. Your memo is finished. Crank it up. Your inbox is under control and you're feeling sharper than you have in a decade. Sensing your joy, your playlist shifts to your favorite song, sending chills up your spine as the music begins to play. Yeah. You glance at the program running in the background on your computer screen and notice.

• 1:09:57Duncan Trussell?

  Now familiar sight that appears whenever you're overloaded with pleasure. Your theta brainwave activity decreasing in the temporal regions of your brain.

• 1:10:07Kurt Metzger?

  That's our merge.

• 1:10:07Duncan Trussell?

  You mentally move the cursor to the left.

• 1:10:09Kurt Metzger?

  Theta male.

• 1:10:10Duncan Trussell?

  And scroll through your brain data over the past few hours.

• 1:10:13Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I gotta check.

• 1:10:14Duncan Trussell?

  You can see your stress levels rising as the deadline to finish your memo approached. Causing a peak in your beta brainwave activity right before an alert popped up.

• 1:10:24Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, press pause, press pause.

• 1:10:25Duncan Trussell?

  To take a brain.

• 1:10:26Kurt Metzger?

  You got a memo, you gotta write a memo and there's a big deadline in your memo. Oh, they need that memo. And then of course, there's a spike in your beta brain.

• 1:10:33Duncan Trussell?

  Your fucking brain.

• 1:10:34Kurt Metzger?

  You fucking bitch.

• 1:10:36Duncan Trussell?

  Crash.

• 1:10:36Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my memo. Oh, you beta ass bitch. Okay, press play. Hilarious.

• 1:10:43Duncan Trussell?

  What's that unusual change in your brain activity when you're asleep?

• 1:10:47Kurt Metzger?

  It's called dreaming.

• 1:10:48Duncan Trussell?

  It started earlier in the month.

• 1:10:50Kurt Metzger?

  It's a waste of time.

• 1:10:50Duncan Trussell?

  You send a text message to your doctor with a mental swipe of your cursor. Could you take a quick look at my brain data? Anything to worry about?

• 1:10:59Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, look at my brain data, doctor.

• 1:11:00Duncan Trussell?

  Your mind starts to wander to the new colleague on your team. Who you know you shouldn't be daydreaming about, given the policy against intra-office romance.

• 1:11:09Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, you don't want to violate all this romance.

• 1:11:11Duncan Trussell?

  You can't help fantasizing just a little.

• 1:11:12Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 1:11:13Duncan Trussell?

  But then you start to worry that your boss will notice your amorous feelings. Watching through an observation bay.

• 1:11:19Kurt Metzger?

  Press pause, press pause. Uh oh, wait, go back, go back. Go back to the boss. Uh oh, your H1B visa Indian boss is looking at your brain data.

• 1:11:28Duncan Trussell?

  She's looking at you.

• 1:11:29Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, your Brahmin boss doesn't like the, your thoughts right now.

• 1:11:33Duncan Trussell?

  She's giant too, by the way. That woman is huge compared to their size.

• 1:11:37Kurt Metzger?

  You should not be thinking about a man in the vest.

• 1:11:40Duncan Trussell?

  But that woman's like 10 feet tall. That's a Nord.

• 1:11:43Kurt Metzger?

  Oh yeah, no, that's a Brahmin. That's a Nephilim.

• 1:11:46Duncan Trussell?

  That's a Nephilim observing these fucking weird humans.

• 1:11:50Kurt Metzger?

  You see, the Anglo-American empire, the reason they like to bring in like your Cash Patel's and your Vivek Pastramis. The reason they bring them in is because they're Brahmin class and they understand the caste system real good. And that's what all of our leaders want. Not just Peter Thiel, all the ones you like. George Soros, who funds all that media that's mad about Peter Thiel. They all love this shit.

• 1:12:11Duncan Trussell?

  Hit play. I want to hear, I want to hear what happens now. Things when she checks your brain activity and shift your attention back to the present.

• 1:12:19Kurt Metzger?

  Indian bitch check your brain activity. Why not?

• 1:12:21Duncan Trussell?

  You breathe a sigh of relief when the email she sends you later that day congratulates you on your brain metrics from the past quarter. You're a perfect candidate for euthanasia. Which have earned you another performance bonus.

• 1:12:32Kurt Metzger?

  My dad never used to, never used to compliment my brain metrics. That's why I turned out like this.

• 1:12:37Duncan Trussell?

  I can't believe, like, keep.

• 1:12:38Kurt Metzger?

  Keep going. The ending is a kicker. Where do you see the end?

• 1:12:40Duncan Trussell?

  Your work issued brain sensing earbuds still in. When you arrive at work the next day, a somber cloud has fallen over the office. Uh oh. Along with emails, text messages and GPS location data. The government has subpoenaed employees' brainwave data from the past year. They have compelling evidence that one of your coworkers has committed massive wire fraud. Brain fraud. Now, they're looking for his co-conspirators. You discover they are looking for synchronized brain activity between your coworker and the people he has been working with. Yeah. While you know you're innocent of any crime, you've been secretly working with him on a new startup venture.

• 1:13:23Kurt Metzger?

  Oh.

• 1:13:23Duncan Trussell?

  Shaking, you remove your earbuds.

• 1:13:26Kurt Metzger?

  Oh no. Well, watch, watch this.

• 1:13:29Duncan Trussell?

  Uh oh.

• 1:13:29Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, watch. You hear him, you hear him stickering? What do you think? Is it a future you're ready for?

• 1:13:35Kurt Metzger?

  That's doubles. No. You'll be surprised to learn that it's a future that has already arrived. There you go. Press pause. Everything in that video that you just saw. Press pause. You hear what she said? You might be surprised to learn.

• 1:13:46Duncan Trussell?

  But wait, is the premise of this, it's bad? I think the premise of this might actually be it's bad, not very good.

• 1:13:51Kurt Metzger?

  It is never, no, it is not. You're thinking it's bad because it's subjective.

• 1:13:55Duncan Trussell?

  Everyone groaned watching this. Like, like.

• 1:13:59Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, listen to what I'm telling you. The premise, that bitch, because I too. I, no, no, no. Just hear me out. Everybody calm the fuck down. Calm it down. That bitch is on a lot of shows talking about, no, the future. Did you hear what she just said? We already have it now. She's not saying, are you, so the joke is, are you ready for the new thing? No, we already have it. So her motto is, it's already here, so we gotta have this conversation.

• 1:14:28Duncan Trussell?

  Surrender to it.

• 1:14:29Kurt Metzger?

  No, we, well, ultimately that will be, but she's not saying that. She's saying, it's a conversation we have to have. Get it? Do you get the joke? So what these fuckers do, and by the way, I want to point this out to you, which would disturb you way more than this. I've played this for you at least two to three times on your own podcast.

• 1:14:46Duncan Trussell?

  I remember.

• 1:14:46Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. So, so it, it's already here. So Gideon in Tel Aviv, Department of Homeland Security. Oh, they're looking at your brainwaves. And you know how the articles, uh, put Israel geo-fencing American churches? You know what geo-fencing is, right?

• 1:15:02Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:03Kurt Metzger?

  Well, they're doing that at churches. Put in Israel geo-fencing American churches.

• 1:15:06Duncan Trussell?

  Let's look at this.

• 1:15:10Kurt Metzger?

  Why would they be doing that?

• 1:15:11Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 1:15:12Kurt Metzger?

  Because they can read your prayers to Jesus and put them to Tel Aviv in the Gideon machine.

• 1:15:18Duncan Trussell?

  Hard to count.

• 1:15:19Kurt Metzger?

  That's why. It's already here. Yay, Seth. It's already here, Seth.

• 1:15:26Duncan Trussell?

  The Israeli Military Ministry of Foreign Affairs hired a California Public Relations firm to run a multimillion dollar geo-fencing campaign targeting mobile devices of worshippers inside American Christian churches. Hmm.

• 1:15:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, but well, for what? Well, they spying on their fucking thoughts.

• 1:15:46Duncan Trussell?

  The budget between 3.2 million and 4.1 million. The goal, reverse declining approval for Israel among American evangelical Christians and highlight Palestinian ties to Hamas.

• 1:15:58Kurt Metzger?

  Right. Now that's just the surface goal. The surface goal is gross. I, I, I admit. Cause what, can you imagine doing this to a synagogue and?

• 1:16:06Duncan Trussell?

  Phones inside the zone are flooded with pro-Israel and anti-Hamas digital advertisements and text messages. Wow.

• 1:16:13Kurt Metzger?

  But it's a matrix. They're building a matrix. Do you get it?

• 1:16:16Duncan Trussell?

  You have to be so dumb if you're looking at your phone right now. Don't you feel stupid? I don't know how much you're in your phone.

• 1:16:22Kurt Metzger?

  I'm on my phone all day.

• 1:16:23Duncan Trussell?

  You shouldn't do it.

• 1:16:24Kurt Metzger?

  Why?

• 1:16:24Duncan Trussell?

  Because of this shit.

• 1:16:25Kurt Metzger?

  I'm smarter than anybody you know, and I told you about this.

• 1:16:27Duncan Trussell?

  You don't know.

• 1:16:28Kurt Metzger?

  I told you about this.

• 1:16:29Duncan Trussell?

  You don't know you're smarter than anyone.

• 1:16:30Kurt Metzger?

  Because I use my phone. No, no, I said I'm smarter than anyone you know. I didn't say I'm the smarter than anyone. Obviously, I'm not even that bright.

• 1:16:36Duncan Trussell?

  You don't know that, but you also don't know what you're getting, like, it's scary. All I'm saying is it's scary to think how much everyone is getting geo-fenced and fed some kind of algorithmic bullshit and getting convinced of realities that don't exist at all. It's scary and dark.

• 1:16:54Kurt Metzger?

  I'm sorry, I was on my phone. What'd you say?

• 1:16:55Duncan Trussell?

  And should be illegal.

• 1:16:57Kurt Metzger?

  Um, no, because I was talking to our friend that we're gonna have on this fucking show, who is explaining to me Mallworld.

• 1:17:04Duncan Trussell?

  I love, I know Mallworld. I've been there.

• 1:17:06Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well, who here goes to Mallworld in their dreams? Is that for real? Heidi from Kiltoney also, you know, the one that looks like she was.

• 1:17:16Duncan Trussell?

  She goes to Mallworld. I've been to Mallworld. Don't like it.

• 1:17:20Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, my fifth wife Jen has been to Mallworld. A couple people, and people have mapped it out, almost like, what do they call those realms in Buddhism that, uh?

• 1:17:29Duncan Trussell?

  The Bardos.

• 1:17:30Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, they mapped them out like the fucking Bardos. Put the Mallworld map.

• 1:17:36Kurt Metzger?

  Um, you know, dude, all these people make them, but, but now I want you to put that Popular Mechanics article about advertising in your dreams.

• 1:17:46Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, you think Mallworld's an ad?

• 1:17:48Kurt Metzger?

  No, but I want, we just want.

• 1:17:50Duncan Trussell?

  I think it is part, it's a Bardo. It's part of the astral realm.

• 1:17:54Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, it's, it's, I'm gonna tell you the name of the company that makes it. How do you like that?

• 1:17:59Duncan Trussell?

  I don't like it.

• 1:18:00Kurt Metzger?

  You don't like, well, it's probably not good for, okay. SAIC. What is SAIC?

• 1:18:06Kurt Metzger?

  We look up, it's a, all capitals, SAIC. It's an SAIC, yo, they can broadcast in your fucking dreams, buddy. SAIC developed this. No, no, no, don't put, just SAIC. I wonder what that is. That, that's not gonna be in it.

• 1:18:21Kurt Metzger?

  What is it? Stand for it. Can you see?

• 1:18:28Duncan Trussell?

  Science Applications International Corporation.

• 1:18:31Kurt Metzger?

  There you go. Okay. So they've got patents on this thing. I'm gonna get it for you.

• 1:18:36Kurt Metzger?

  Um, yo, they can project, uh, so now go Popular Mechanics, uh, Dream Advertising, which is from 2018.

• 1:18:44Duncan Trussell?

  I would love to do ads for this show in people's dreams.

• 1:18:47Kurt Metzger?

  We're gonna be in Seth's dreams after this.

• 1:18:50Duncan Trussell?

  Well, that's not, by the way, not a threat.

• 1:18:52Kurt Metzger?

  Seth, we're gonna be in your dreams tonight to wash you.

• 1:18:55Duncan Trussell?

  Maybe this is a dream.

• 1:18:57Kurt Metzger?

  We're gonna wash your little bitty butts and all your big old butts and it's gonna be a clean boy. Seth's on in.

• 1:19:05Duncan Trussell?

  When you're thinking of washing Seth, you go right to his butt. I don't, I'm thinking of his hands. I start with your hands, Seth.

• 1:19:12Kurt Metzger?

  Your dirty hands.

• 1:19:13Duncan Trussell?

  If you want to wash your privates, you can wash them on your own. I start with your hands, a nice soft loofah scrub, not too rough.

• 1:19:21Kurt Metzger?

  We're gonna focus on your hands till it hurts you and you say, please stop.

• 1:19:25Duncan Trussell?

  Lavender.

• 1:19:26Kurt Metzger?

  We will never stop until you are clean.

• 1:19:29Duncan Trussell?

  You're gonna, stop. You're fucking up my whole business. Lavender crown. I put a lavender crown on you and I start with your hands. And again, usually this is the ladies that we do this with, but you have a invitation first.

• 1:19:42Kurt Metzger?

  This is not a joke. It's a thing we wanna do to you.

• 1:19:46Duncan Trussell?

  God damn it, man. I have kids. I'm trying to start a, a, a business.

• 1:19:50Kurt Metzger?

  We're gonna clean you real hard and you're gonna say thank you for coming to my house and cleaning me good.

• 1:19:57Duncan Trussell?

  It's very gentle.

• 1:19:58Kurt Metzger?

  If I close my eyes, it's like a woman showing me how to clean myself in my business. My body.

• 1:20:06Duncan Trussell?

  We do clean the deepest parts of your body, but it's not rough.

• 1:20:10Kurt Metzger?

  No.

• 1:20:10Duncan Trussell?

  God damn it, man.

• 1:20:12Kurt Metzger?

  You'll, you'll be taking the tunnels of Typhon to the next fear.

• 1:20:15Duncan Trussell?

  No. There's no, there's no ass play. If you wanna clean, listen, if you wanna clean your own privates, you can clean them yourself.

• 1:20:24Kurt Metzger?

  Do we say mystery boys? We're mithras, the worst thing there is.

• 1:20:28Duncan Trussell?

  It is, if you want us to clean any part of your body, we will, but if you feel more comfortable cleaning your own privates.

• 1:20:34Kurt Metzger?

  Well, go back to that, so I can read, we're the mithras, we're the mithras boys, that's the dark side of the mystery boys. Who's mithras? An ancient god worshipped in a secretive.

• 1:20:42Duncan Trussell?

  Why do you have to do this?

• 1:20:43Kurt Metzger?

  An ancient god worshipped in a secretive, all male, Roman.

• 1:20:46Duncan Trussell?

  I pay a company.

• 1:20:46Kurt Metzger?

  Look at that, look, look, look, look, read it, read it, read it, if you, look.

• 1:20:50Duncan Trussell?

  Mithra was an ancient god worshipped in a secretive, all male, Roman mystery religion known as mithrism in the first to fourth century.

• 1:20:58Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, you're gonna wish the mystery boys here were the mithras boys.

• 1:21:01Duncan Trussell?

  I just get someone to, a business consultant, I have this great women grooming business.

• 1:21:05Kurt Metzger?

  We're gonna open up your fourth eye.

• 1:21:06Duncan Trussell?

  Then you have to just fucking terrorize it and make it look dumb.

• 1:21:09Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna gape your fourth eye good. You know the fourth eye? Don't look it up. Okay.

• 1:21:15Duncan Trussell?

  We give oatmeal baths, it's soft, it's sweet, if you wanna clean your tits or asshole yourself, you can.

• 1:21:22Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:22Duncan Trussell?

  It's.

• 1:21:23Kurt Metzger?

  It's called the dialectic, you should know about it.

• 1:21:25Duncan Trussell?

  It's not the dialectic, it's.

• 1:21:26Kurt Metzger?

  We're having a dialectic about your bath.

• 1:21:29Duncan Trussell?

  Roman baths, Japanese baths, all kinds of baths, cultural bathing is a very good healthy thing. If you wanna clean your butthole or your cracks, you could do that yourself.

• 1:21:41Kurt Metzger?

  Hmm.

• 1:21:41Duncan Trussell?

  We will not.

• 1:21:42Kurt Metzger?

  There's a community sponge on a stick that.

• 1:21:44Duncan Trussell?

  It isn't a community sponge, we change.

• 1:21:45Kurt Metzger?

  Ancient Roman ways we do.

• 1:21:47Duncan Trussell?

  We change or disinfect the sponge.

• 1:21:49Kurt Metzger?

  Tony, he has a bath house.

• 1:21:51Duncan Trussell?

  We disinfect the sponge.

• 1:21:53Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, well now I am jealous. You know, I was never, I was just happy for them, I'm kinda jealous and I wanna start a hater channel. Of Tony, because he goes to the bath house.

• 1:22:02Duncan Trussell?

  He goes to the Russian baths.

• 1:22:04Kurt Metzger?

  Oh man, Russian bath? No, we're doing Roman, Roman style, we're the mithras boys.

• 1:22:09Duncan Trussell?

  What's the difference? It's the same thing.

• 1:22:10Kurt Metzger?

  The mithras boys, you don't want the dark side of the mystery boys coming at you, son.

• 1:22:14Duncan Trussell?

  They're not ready. That's for whatever our, whatever the Patreon, we can't do Patreon, by the way.

• 1:22:20Kurt Metzger?

  What degree do you wanna be initiated up to?

• 1:22:21Duncan Trussell?

  How about the fact we can't do Patreon?

• 1:22:23Kurt Metzger?

  Well now.

• 1:22:24Duncan Trussell?

  That's the craziest shit ever.

• 1:22:25Kurt Metzger?

  Or is it the thirty-third degree?

• 1:22:27Duncan Trussell?

  I guess it is.

• 1:22:29Kurt Metzger?

  The final initiation, you can't do Patreon.

• 1:22:31Duncan Trussell?

  We didn't even start a Patreon and we got banned from Patreon.

• 1:22:34Kurt Metzger?

  We finally entered the bottom sphere of the clipe.

• 1:22:35Duncan Trussell?

  It is crazy, though.

• 1:22:36Kurt Metzger?

  Of the clipe.

• 1:22:37Duncan Trussell?

  You guys don't even realize this happened.

• 1:22:39Kurt Metzger?

  No Patreons, the abyss.

• 1:22:40Duncan Trussell?

  Patreon was like, you can't put Alex.

• 1:22:41Kurt Metzger?

  An abyss of no Patreon.

• 1:22:42Duncan Trussell?

  You can't put the Alex Jones episode up.

• 1:22:44Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, cuz they got some beef.

• 1:22:46Duncan Trussell?

  It was so disappointing.

• 1:22:47Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I hope we can put the Seth Simons one up, cuz I wanna signal boost, support, no insults.

• 1:22:53Duncan Trussell?

  No insults.

• 1:22:53Kurt Metzger?

  If anything, I wanna bathe him.

• 1:22:54Duncan Trussell?

  I, for real, I've had a few White Claws, for real, I mean this, this isn't some go and be sarcastic, don't do it. They stoop to shit like that, don't do that, it makes you seem so depraved and weak. There, whoever like harasses people online, the, whatever that is, that like gang stalking, political shit where you post shit on someone else's account. Don't do that, that makes you seem so incredibly weak.

• 1:23:22Kurt Metzger?

  Are you talking to literally programmed bots by someone who professionally does this?

• 1:23:26Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that's true. You're right.

• 1:23:28Kurt Metzger?

  They can't hear you.

• 1:23:29Duncan Trussell?

  Don't be a bot.

• 1:23:31Kurt Metzger?

  They can't hear what you're saying.

• 1:23:32Duncan Trussell?

  You know, you might be a bot, you might not even know it, but you're a bot.

• 1:23:34Kurt Metzger?

  I, I, look, oh, okay, you wanna know how to spot fake things, did you ever see the, did you send it to me about Candace Owens is a lesbian, it was on X?

• 1:23:42Duncan Trussell?

  I, I think, I didn't send that to you.

• 1:23:45Kurt Metzger?

  But, and, and a guy's name is Esoteric Shaggy on X?

• 1:23:51Kurt Metzger?

  And then I'm gonna send this to you right now, Tanner, too, because I wanna, I wanna, I need help debunking this. Glad that you fucking reminded me.

• 1:23:58Duncan Trussell?

  By the way, who cares that she's a lesbian?

• 1:24:00Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, but, I know, well, I mean, yeah, you would think that would be the main point, right? But I'm just trying, cuz remember Alex Jones, now, and this is a little condescending from Alex, I have to say.

• 1:24:09Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:24:10Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, well, I mean, people say things on the internet, you can't just, yeah, is that what I do, dude? I just listen to things on the internet.

• 1:24:17Duncan Trussell?

  Right, but.

• 1:24:18Kurt Metzger?

  Right, that, it's fine, because the guy's been through a lot unfairly and, and I hope we help.

• 1:24:22Duncan Trussell?

  But why are they attacking Candace for being a lesbian? Who cares?

• 1:24:25Kurt Metzger?

  It's on X, the guy's name is Esoteric Shaggy.

• 1:24:27Duncan Trussell?

  Who gives a fuck?

• 1:24:28Kurt Metzger?

  I'm trying to illustrate how you, how, don't you wanna know how you know if it's a fake source or?

• 1:24:33Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 1:24:33Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so could you find that tweet or no?

• 1:24:37Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, and I'm gonna show you another thing, how to spot that. Oh, we're number, oh, mystery boys, number thirty in.

• 1:24:43Duncan Trussell?

  Whoa, we got up to thirty? Come on, guys, that's not Candace Owens.

• 1:24:47Kurt Metzger?

  Wait, wait, I'm not listening for midget, hold on. Esoteric Shaggy, did you hear that? That's in X. Who's operating the goddamn, which Tanner, which of you Tanners is operating the Tanner box?

• 1:24:58Duncan Trussell?

  Esoteric Shaggy X.

• 1:25:01Kurt Metzger?

  You got three Tanners each slower than the last.

• 1:25:04Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, what is this?

• 1:25:06Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, there you go, Esoteric Shaggy is in, right there.

• 1:25:09Duncan Trussell?

  With four dating accounts, who cares?

• 1:25:13Kurt Metzger?

  But you gotta look at his profile, you can't, oh, you can't, can you?

• 1:25:17Duncan Trussell?

  Who fucking cares?

• 1:25:18Kurt Metzger?

  I know, but I have.

• 1:25:20Duncan Trussell?

  I have other issues with Candace Owens, I don't care if she's a lesbian.

• 1:25:23Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I don't like her cuz she's black.

• 1:25:25Duncan Trussell?

  Why, why is he bringing this shit up? That's your racist. That means you're racist.

• 1:25:29Kurt Metzger?

  It doesn't mean you're racist, it's like the color thing.

• 1:25:31Duncan Trussell?

  Literally means you're racist.

• 1:25:32Kurt Metzger?

  How does that make, blacks aren't like a separate race?

• 1:25:36Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, what?

• 1:25:39Kurt Metzger?

  Um, wait.

• 1:25:41Kurt Metzger?

  Um, hold on, I'm sorry, I'm being silly, Tanner, this, now, this is the one I was gonna hide.

• 1:25:45Duncan Trussell?

  I hope people aren't attacking Candace Owens cuz she's a lesbian now, cuz that's pretty fucked up.

• 1:25:50Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, do you see what it says right under his thing? The man who defeated Candace Owens.

• 1:25:57Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so that's how you know that's a fake worship account.

• 1:25:59Duncan Trussell?

  God, defeated. Defeated, she's done.

• 1:26:04Kurt Metzger?

  Go ahead and get it.

• 1:26:05Duncan Trussell?

  She retired.

• 1:26:09Kurt Metzger?

  Why is my phone being a bitch?

• 1:26:10Duncan Trussell?

  After this asshole, the man who defeated Candace Owens, gross.

• 1:26:16Kurt Metzger?

  What does that mean? Like, is something with her feet?

• 1:26:17Duncan Trussell?

  It's just a whole thing.

• 1:26:19Kurt Metzger?

  Did he?

• 1:26:20Duncan Trussell?

  It's just part of their thing, man.

• 1:26:22Kurt Metzger?

  Um.

• 1:26:23Duncan Trussell?

  They're always defeating or, or, or taking out, or, it's just so weird, man.

• 1:26:29Kurt Metzger?

  Um, well, yeah, but do you see the tell there, like, so, if, if, why is she getting this shit now? Do you know why?

• 1:26:36Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 1:26:37Kurt Metzger?

  Cuz of the Charlie Kirk thing.

• 1:26:38Duncan Trussell?

  Oh.

• 1:26:40Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, and, and do you give a shit to that degree about the Charlie Kirk, the way, uh, political? Okay, and I know all like shit, like Seth Simons don't give a shit about who killed Charlie Kirk at all, right?

• 1:26:51Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know, maybe he does, I don't know.

• 1:26:53Kurt Metzger?

  I couldn't find any good.

• 1:26:53Duncan Trussell?

  Seems like he would've loved Charlie Kirk.

• 1:26:55Kurt Metzger?

  Why? Cuz of Charlie's rigid black and white thinking in terms of certain things.

• 1:27:00Duncan Trussell?

  Cuz you know he's watching this, and in that moment, he's like, what?

• 1:27:04Kurt Metzger?

  Open invitation, dude, and that bath is open, and I'm not trying to be a pest.

• 1:27:08Duncan Trussell?

  Don't pest, don't.

• 1:27:10Kurt Metzger?

  I'm not pestering him.

• 1:27:10Duncan Trussell?

  Don't pester him.

• 1:27:12Kurt Metzger?

  Don't think that's a form of pestering.

• 1:27:14Duncan Trussell?

  I hate, by the way, I hate this shit.

• 1:27:16Kurt Metzger?

  What?

• 1:27:17Duncan Trussell?

  Well, like, okay, so like, and I don't mean to high road, I don't mean to be high roading, but I already.

• 1:27:22Kurt Metzger?

  The high road?

• 1:27:23Duncan Trussell?

  I already dislike conversations centered around Candace Owens, and so then.

• 1:27:28Kurt Metzger?

  That's a great point, that's a great point.

• 1:27:29Duncan Trussell?

  Then when they become like reduced further by someone who puts esoteric in his fucking name, you know what I mean? Then it, then it becomes just vile, it becomes like fumey, like the fumes of some kind of outhouse, rising up in it, you know what I mean?

• 1:27:45Kurt Metzger?

  That's a very important point that you're hitting.

• 1:27:46Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:47Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so it, it begins with, what is the thing at stake here? Whether that guy did it or not in the public's mind, okay? And then they dilute the argument down to Candace Owens, alchemically, you take the argument and you make it about Candace Owens.

• 1:27:59Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:28:00Kurt Metzger?

  And then you start calling yourself a wizard while you're doing it, like you have dedicated your life.

• 1:28:05Duncan Trussell?

  Thank you.

• 1:28:06Kurt Metzger?

  Like your version of the Dresden Codex sun ritual, where the thing Mike Bloomberg did at his Mithraeum where. You're trying to collapse the pillars, uh, Boaz on Markeen.

• 1:28:16Duncan Trussell?

  So exhausting.

• 1:28:17Kurt Metzger?

  So that the sun collapses and then a new sun or mithras rises in its place.

• 1:28:21Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:28:22Kurt Metzger?

  Bloomberg intended to be himself, it didn't, I don't think it worked out, takes a lot of fluids to do it, really gross. Um, and that's what you've, that, you, you, you just sensed all the vapors coming off it, you just put it a great way.

• 1:28:33Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:33Kurt Metzger?

  The first thing that you, when, I, cuz I had two people texting me like, is this real? And I'm like, when you see that, it's like, do you just look at all information on the same level?

• 1:28:42Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:42Kurt Metzger?

  Like gossip about her, like, oh, it's her licking a hairless cat, I get it. Well, that's clever, actually.

• 1:28:49Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know.

• 1:28:50Kurt Metzger?

  Cuz you know why, this is why I like to burn that poem, cuz I get it, she's licking shaved pussy, get it?

• 1:28:56Duncan Trussell?

  Let me start at the top, okay? Now, this is gonna make some people recoil.

• 1:29:00Kurt Metzger?

  Okay.

• 1:29:00Duncan Trussell?

  I think it's horrible, obviously, what happened to Charlie Kirk, but honestly, when I start hearing conversations about Charlie Kirk. I'm already kind of annoyed, cuz it's like, I don't wanna talk about Charlie Kirk right now, and then when it devolves into Candace Owens' opinion on Charlie Kirk. Now I'm really getting bored and annoyed, and then when you get to this level, where it's now, forget about Candace's opinions.

• 1:29:25Kurt Metzger?

  Forget about Charlie Kirk, just Candace Owens sucks.

• 1:29:27Duncan Trussell?

  Now it's, she's a lesbian, which, by the way, who gives a fuck? Now I've gone like beyond like I'm so bored into an almost like, oh my god, I really am in the wrong timeline, like something's happened, like the needle skipped. I'm on the wrong track of the album that I'm doomed to repeat over and over, that's how I feel.

• 1:29:48Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, but you know, a whole bunch of people will respond to that, people just go, how do you know what's real or a fake thing? I'm just letting you know, you, clearly you spotted it on every possible level, but, no, now this I want you to spot, go back, let me show the other ones. Keep going, keep going.

• 1:30:03Duncan Trussell?

  Now I like that, that makes, that makes me feel good.

• 1:30:06Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, but there's more of the same, can you flick it?

• 1:30:09Duncan Trussell?

  That does, that makes me feel better than.

• 1:30:11Kurt Metzger?

  Do you have all three of them or not?

• 1:30:13Duncan Trussell?

  It makes me feel better than Candace Owens' lesbian accusations, that's cool. Like, it's like a beautiful woman with an incense in her butt.

• 1:30:20Kurt Metzger?

  You gotta let him upload, this is just a little tea, a little aperitif until the main pictures.

• 1:30:26Duncan Trussell?

  Race track or something?

• 1:30:28Kurt Metzger?

  It looks like it, it looks like they're, uh, I, I'm not sure, there's, there's no action shots, but it looks like they're.

• 1:30:33Duncan Trussell?

  That really was like a palate cleanser, I was getting pissed.

• 1:30:36Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, that's where you may be wrong, and that's where Gideon's reading our brainwaves.

• 1:30:40Duncan Trussell?

  Gideon, stop.

• 1:30:42Kurt Metzger?

  Put them up, put, put the pictures up, we just cut this, it's fine.

• 1:30:45Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, I wanna see that incense lady.

• 1:30:48Kurt Metzger?

  As long as people don't see, you know, that we just couldn't put it up there, I think it'll be good.

• 1:30:52Duncan Trussell?

  I think we could show it.

• 1:30:53Kurt Metzger?

  It won't be a thing somebody clips to use against us or something.

• 1:30:55Duncan Trussell?

  No one's gonna use anything against us on this show.

• 1:30:58Kurt Metzger?

  Clip this part, because boy, that'd be embarrassing for a clip show.

• 1:31:01Duncan Trussell?

  I think Seth, this is my prediction for Seth Simon's article, this is my prediction, this is gonna be the title, I was wrong about the mystery boys.

• 1:31:09Kurt Metzger?

  Well, um.

• 1:31:12Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, now, use your skills that you displayed, is that really Candace Owens, dude? I think like it's not, but my friends keep asking me if it is.

• 1:31:22Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:31:23Kurt Metzger?

  Is that Candace Owens, yes or no?

• 1:31:25Duncan Trussell?

  I don't care who it is.

• 1:31:27Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not asking for her ID. I'll tell you that. I'm just saying, I'm glad you're on my driveway or wherever she is.

• 1:31:35Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, honestly, I believe this person.

• 1:31:39Duncan Trussell?

  Who cares who she is? And once you get to that point, there's no identity.

• 1:31:43Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, I feel like it's the purest identity there is. And honestly, um.

• 1:31:47Duncan Trussell?

  What is that? A sparkler?

• 1:31:49Kurt Metzger?

  With just these pic- now, I'm not, I, I'm not an expert. Again, Seth, you, you got me. So I don't know if this is Candace Owens or not, but I do know that I.

• 1:31:58Duncan Trussell?

  Why does Seth think this is Candace Owens?

• 1:32:00Kurt Metzger?

  No, he thinks that I don't know how to pick out what's real and fake, and I'm crazy. And I'm just asking if it's Candace Owens or not.

• 1:32:07Duncan Trussell?

  It's called, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

• 1:32:10Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, whoever this is in the picture, now, I'm not saying it's Candace Owens.

• 1:32:12Duncan Trussell?

  You're so lucky if you stumble upon this.

• 1:32:14Kurt Metzger?

  Whoever this is, I believe her over Erica Kirk 100%.

• 1:32:18Duncan Trussell?

  If you're making contact with beings like this, you are on the right track.

• 1:32:22Kurt Metzger?

  No, we haven't. I've, I've reached out. Trust me. I've sent, it's, it came up on my Instagram feed.

• 1:32:27Duncan Trussell?

  Who cares? Names.

• 1:32:29Kurt Metzger?

  I've been sending Charlie Kirk tips to this account.

• 1:32:32Duncan Trussell?

  Well, I don't understand what this is or what the problem is.

• 1:32:35Kurt Metzger?

  Again, if you look into the, uh, well, I don't want to say their name.

• 1:32:38Duncan Trussell?

  Wish I knew what the incense smelled like.

• 1:32:41Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, it smelled like, get out of the way and let me smell this dwarf. That's what it smelled like. Smelled like, get this out of the way and let me get the natural dwarf flavors. You know, I'm in the Caribbean. I want Caribbean spices and.

• 1:32:56Kurt Metzger?

  I'm not here for some tourist shit where you put in some American smell incense.

• 1:33:28Duncan Trussell?

  Caught me with the wrong part of the white cloud, man.

• 1:33:33Kurt Metzger?

  I'm just trying to open up for Seth Simons to see. I just want Seth Simons to.

• 1:33:38Duncan Trussell?

  I have a muzzle grab. That was so interesting.

• 1:33:45Kurt Metzger?

  I just want Seth Simons to feel my poetry. Put that back up. This is like when Lupita won an Oscar. This is my Lupita winning an Oscar, Seth. Can you put that picture up?

• 1:33:58Kurt Metzger?

  I have to wait.

• 1:33:59Duncan Trussell?

  Get out of the way. Let me smell this.

• 1:34:01Kurt Metzger?

  This is the last time I cried was when I found this, Seth. The last time I cried.

• 1:34:05Duncan Trussell?

  I bet she smells great. I bet she smells like cute, very earthy, human.

• 1:34:10Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know why I cried?

• 1:34:11Duncan Trussell?

  Healthy.

• 1:34:12Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know why I cried? And you, and you know what? I don't care if my, um, brainwave earbuds pick this up.

• 1:34:17Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:17Kurt Metzger?

  My, my Indian boss can know this.

• 1:34:20Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:34:20Kurt Metzger?

  I'm like one of them little kids. Yeah, thank you. Get a close up. One of them little kids, uh, that gets, we, I was talking about this morning when you get like, uh, UFC video kids getting a gift.

• 1:34:29Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:29Kurt Metzger?

  And they can't regulate their emotions, so they start crying.

• 1:34:32Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:34:33Kurt Metzger?

  Those are the tears. And I, I don't know if me and Seth connect off that because I remember Lupita Nalongo winning for the help.

• 1:34:39Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:40Kurt Metzger?

  That was that, uh, heartwarming movie about, um, some black, sassy black servants, the best kind there are.

• 1:34:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:46Kurt Metzger?

  And they took a shit in their, in their master's pie.

• 1:34:49Duncan Trussell?

  What is this?

• 1:34:49Kurt Metzger?

  It sounds like lesbianisms, but it's not. It's an actual movie starring that redhead, uh, who's the redhead that's like? The Julia Roberts, not his hot clone from Zero Dark Thirty. She's the main redhead now.

• 1:35:02Duncan Trussell?

  I don't.

• 1:35:03Kurt Metzger?

  Zero Dark Thirty. Chastain.

• 1:35:05Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know anything. I don't know. You lost me. I'm.

• 1:35:07Kurt Metzger?

  You don't know who Jessica Chastain is? Okay, boomer.

• 1:35:10Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not a boomer. I'm Gen X.

• 1:35:13Kurt Metzger?

  I know, I'm Gen X too.

• 1:35:14Duncan Trussell?

  What do dwarves smell like? Dwarves generally smell like a mix of, this is AI saying dwarves generally smell like a mix of.

• 1:35:20Kurt Metzger?

  I can't believe you asked that question and it answered.

• 1:35:24Duncan Trussell?

  Iron and forged smoke. What the fuck?

• 1:35:27Kurt Metzger?

  There's some, there are a lot of racial implications in this answer.

• 1:35:31Duncan Trussell?

  I think that's lame to say stale beer.

• 1:35:33Kurt Metzger?

  Look, look, look, I'm not any kind, I don't believe in like racial.

• 1:35:36Duncan Trussell?

  Damn, Earth is cool though.

• 1:35:37Kurt Metzger?

  Don't get, you know me, dude. I don't, I'm old. I don't believe in like racial purity. I, I, I've done the whole collection and I'm telling you right now.

• 1:35:46Kurt Metzger?

  That mixture does sound like the dwarf in that dwarf racing picture that we just looked at.

• 1:35:50Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:50Kurt Metzger?

  That I asked you if it was Candace Owens and I'm looking back now, I think it's not.

• 1:35:54Duncan Trussell?

  I, I.

• 1:35:54Kurt Metzger?

  Cause you know why? That body didn't have no three kids.

• 1:35:57Duncan Trussell?

  I, you know, I think I successfully magically removed even the, the conversation about Candace Owens from that. And we got to enjoy a beautiful woman with incense in her butt without talking about Candace Owens. So in that moment, it was pure and good.

• 1:36:10Kurt Metzger?

  Can we make something of that chick for merch or something? Or that goat, dude, remember the ghost that caked up ghost we have in the unreleased?

• 1:36:18Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:36:18Kurt Metzger?

  In the future when we had.

• 1:36:20Duncan Trussell?

  Which one?

• 1:36:20Kurt Metzger?

  When we used to have Graham Gass, like, I don't know, like four episodes.

• 1:36:23Duncan Trussell?

  I'll get us more Graham Gass.

• 1:36:25Kurt Metzger?

  And then, um, we were, there was a caked up ghost. Remember that? And there was a figurine of a fat ass ghost.

• 1:36:30Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 1:36:31Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, we were calling up Jenna to, to find out her inseam for.

• 1:36:34Speaker 07

  It was a, it was a goblin.

• 1:36:37Duncan Trussell?

  You talking about?

• 1:36:37Speaker 07

  It wasn't a ghost. It was a goblin.

• 1:36:38Kurt Metzger?

  No, there's a ghost too.

• 1:36:40Speaker 07

  There was a go.

• 1:36:40Kurt Metzger?

  Oh yeah. I'll never forget that.

• 1:36:43Speaker 07

  I can pull it up again.

• 1:36:43Kurt Metzger?

  No, my, my, my brain patterns, I got it. My, my Indian boss told me my brain patterns were no good for the day. Put it that way.

• 1:36:50Duncan Trussell?

  He did.

• 1:36:51Kurt Metzger?

  My Indian boss from Live in Tel Aviv.

• 1:36:52Duncan Trussell?

  Hate it when you get that call.

• 1:36:54Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, it's called Gideon. Uh, it's, it's, uh.

• 1:36:57Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I remember this. Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. What about her?

• 1:37:00Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, but I mean, a Gideon thing is kind of a huge deal. Don't you feel like it? Don't you think? The Gideon thing I keep mentioning?

• 1:37:06Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:06Kurt Metzger?

  Kind of a crazy deal.

• 1:37:08Duncan Trussell?

  I think it's great.

• 1:37:09Kurt Metzger?

  That tell, that, that, no high tech.

• 1:37:11Duncan Trussell?

  I don't care. Let them read my fucking thoughts. We, we're not.

• 1:37:14Kurt Metzger?

  There it is. Oh, look at the face like.

• 1:37:20Duncan Trussell?

  Are you talking about Boo Booty?

• 1:37:22Kurt Metzger?

  Yes. Who, what?

• 1:37:23Duncan Trussell?

  Pull that up.

• 1:37:24Kurt Metzger?

  You think I'm not talking about that?

• 1:37:26Duncan Trussell?

  Let's get that.

• 1:37:27Kurt Metzger?

  Seth, what do you think?

• 1:37:27Duncan Trussell?

  Can you enlarge it, please?

• 1:37:29Kurt Metzger?

  Seth, listen to me, buddy.

• 1:37:32Duncan Trussell?

  It's only 1699.

• 1:37:34Kurt Metzger?

  What do you think of that?

• 1:37:34Duncan Trussell?

  God, can you imagine?

• 1:37:36Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, with candy corns all around the S.

• 1:37:38Duncan Trussell?

  God, if that was the ghost haunt in your house, that would be so confusing.

• 1:37:42Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I could put an incense in that crack, couldn't I?

• 1:37:44Duncan Trussell?

  What do you do if you're a ghost hunter and that appears?

• 1:37:48Kurt Metzger?

  Um, uh, I mean.

• 1:37:49Duncan Trussell?

  What do you do? For real?

• 1:37:51Kurt Metzger?

  That's up to everyone.

• 1:37:52Duncan Trussell?

  You are in a committed relationship. Okay.

• 1:37:54Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, it's not cheating if it's a ghost. That's bad.

• 1:37:56Duncan Trussell?

  Let me, let me get a word in. Let me ask you this, and I mean this.

• 1:37:58Kurt Metzger?

  That's just like a watered up tissue.

• 1:38:00Duncan Trussell?

  You and, you and, I'm gonna, I just want to sort of map this out. You and Jenna. You've been invited to go to a haunted house to die. They're like, a ghost is here. That's all we're gonna say. Jenna goes to sleep. You hear a sound from up in the attic.

• 1:38:14Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:15Duncan Trussell?

  You go up there and can we pull that thick ghost back up?

• 1:38:19Kurt Metzger?

  Jenna's orb boyfriend.

• 1:38:20Duncan Trussell?

  Goes back up, please.

• 1:38:22Kurt Metzger?

  Meanwhile, her orb boyfriend's seeking through the window.

• 1:38:24Duncan Trussell?

  She's asleep. But what do you do if you're in it? Would, is it cheat? Like you go up there and you see this ghost. You feel the communication from her.

• 1:38:32Kurt Metzger?

  I'm not into this one. She reminds me too much. That one's not hot.

• 1:38:35Duncan Trussell?

  Can we pull up the old thick ghost?

• 1:38:37Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I like the, the, look, I don't, I don't want to see their fucking, the ghost fucking face.

• 1:38:40Duncan Trussell?

  For this to work, we gotta have that. Pull that up. You go up to the attic, right?

• 1:38:46Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, and then who's waiting for me? This Hasidic Jewish woman.

• 1:38:48Duncan Trussell?

  And she telepathically communicates to you, all I need is for you to do what must be done.

• 1:38:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, holding she.

• 1:38:57Duncan Trussell?

  Do you bang her?

• 1:38:59Kurt Metzger?

  What are you even asking me?

• 1:39:00Duncan Trussell?

  Yes or no?

• 1:39:01Kurt Metzger?

  Of course. Well, maybe she.

• 1:39:02Duncan Trussell?

  You would bang with your, with Jenna downstairs, you would fuck this ghost.

• 1:39:06Kurt Metzger?

  It's, I've jerked off with Jenna downstairs.

• 1:39:08Duncan Trussell?

  That's different.

• 1:39:09Kurt Metzger?

  No, it isn't.

• 1:39:10Duncan Trussell?

  Fucking a ghost is way different than jerking off.

• 1:39:12Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it's even less.

• 1:39:14Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 1:39:14Kurt Metzger?

  Cause my hand is flesh and blood.

• 1:39:15Duncan Trussell?

  No way. That's a, look, we should ask Jenna about this.

• 1:39:19Kurt Metzger?

  I, I, I, I don't want to.

• 1:39:20Duncan Trussell?

  You should really think about what you just said.

• 1:39:22Kurt Metzger?

  Will you cut this part too? Cause I don't want to talk to Jenna about this.

• 1:39:25Duncan Trussell?

  Don't cut this part.

• 1:39:27Kurt Metzger?

  Don't fuck me on this. I'll tell you what.

• 1:39:30Duncan Trussell?

  So you would bang that ghost?

• 1:39:31Kurt Metzger?

  I sure should. Don't want Seth Simons.

• 1:39:32Duncan Trussell?

  That is cheating.

• 1:39:33Kurt Metzger?

  No, hearing that, that could ruin me.

• 1:39:35Duncan Trussell?

  Seth Simons is all over your ass with this.

• 1:39:36Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know what would happen if he was able to, to pin me down to saying that I would fuck a ghost upstairs?

• 1:39:40Duncan Trussell?

  He's got you already.

• 1:39:42Kurt Metzger?

  I would, he'd have me in his, in his cube.

• 1:39:44Duncan Trussell?

  He's got you.

• 1:40:22Speaker 04

  Jerk burka, the full-length burka for men to jerk off in.

• 1:40:26Duncan Trussell?

  Jerk off in private in public with Jerk Burka.

• 1:40:34Duncan Trussell?

  The female ejaculation ghost. What does your experience tell you?

• 1:40:37Kurt Metzger?

  What do you mean the what ghost?

• 1:40:39Duncan Trussell?

  First of all, why is she ejaculating blood?

• 1:40:43Kurt Metzger?

  What is this?

• 1:40:44Duncan Trussell?

  That's not a good sign. That's a hemorrhage.

• 1:40:49Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:40:50Duncan Trussell?

  Is this by Seth Simons? Is this?

• 1:40:55Duncan Trussell?

  What is female ejaculation?

• 1:40:57Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there.

• 1:40:58Duncan Trussell?

  Seth Simons.

• 1:40:59Kurt Metzger?

  It's it's fucking pee. It's just pee.

• 1:41:01Duncan Trussell?

  Who cares?

• 1:41:02Kurt Metzger?

  It's just fucking pee.

• 1:41:03Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, my God. All waters pee.

• 1:41:05Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know Rogan, that son of a bitch, has somehow scientifically proved it's pee?

• 1:41:08Duncan Trussell?

  Who cares? Anyone who's worried if squirts pee or not is is in a bad part of their life. Just enjoy it.

• 1:41:18Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you think ghosts? I mean, I don't care if the ghost is being and tells me it squirt.

• 1:41:22Duncan Trussell?

  Who cares?

• 1:41:23Kurt Metzger?

  It's a ghost. It's not there.

• 1:41:24Duncan Trussell?

  You're you have a bigger issue. You can. This is between you and Jenna. I don't want to get into this relationship shit, but you that's sad that you're.

• 1:41:31Kurt Metzger?

  But you're seeing the implications of what I'm talking about? Of course I would. A ghost doesn't exist, so just the act of of deploying. I mean, can you? What a bizarre ritual. What a ritual act of.

• 1:41:43Duncan Trussell?

  Hey, look, we're not dating, man.

• 1:41:45Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gonna push my dick.

• 1:41:46Duncan Trussell?

  I don't live with you. It's fine. I don't care. You can bang every ghost you want.

• 1:41:47Kurt Metzger?

  Listen to what I'm saying before you get emotional. Okay? Once you push your dick into the immaterial and the unreal, there is no room for the real in the unreal. The the realm of unreal has only room for real. So that's antimatter. So the very act of pushing your your turgid erection into that ghost that exists in the upside down.

• 1:42:09Duncan Trussell?

  Can you guys pull up turgid?

• 1:42:11Kurt Metzger?

  You look it up on your own time. That very act means you are displacing. You are going to displace an imaginary something.

• 1:42:18Duncan Trussell?

  Swollen or physically.

• 1:42:19Kurt Metzger?

  Equal to the mass of your dick going into the unreal.

• 1:42:21Duncan Trussell?

  It is turgid.

• 1:42:24Kurt Metzger?

  I know what I'm talking about.

• 1:42:26Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:42:26Kurt Metzger?

  This cat's been around.

• 1:42:27Duncan Trussell?

  You don't know what ectoplasm is.

• 1:42:29Kurt Metzger?

  If you jammed your dick into the unreal, something the equivalent size now. I know some people, oh, what's the big deal? Just because 10 to 12 inches of some imaginary creature comes out of the abyss. Is that really on me? Well, Duncan, you've met gnomes before. Where do you think they come from? Right? And another mystery solved.

• 1:42:57Kurt Metzger?

  See what happens when you don't interrupt?

• 1:43:00Kurt Metzger?

  Are you okay?

• 1:43:01Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you keep catching me with a mouth full of White Claw. Look. I don't want. I'm not gonna do your relationship work for you, man.

• 1:43:09Kurt Metzger?

  A lot of deep knowledge, man, in this one. No, it's a mere ritual. I I always say.

• 1:43:15Kurt Metzger?

  You know, I waste all my come wishes. Like, Jack Parsons, would it would? He would really do something meaningful with his jisms.

• 1:43:21Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:22Kurt Metzger?

  I just wish for more wishes.

• 1:43:24Duncan Trussell?

  That's always the good. That is always the best way.

• 1:43:26Kurt Metzger?

  I'm gone, man. I'm not even there.

• 1:43:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, well.

• 1:43:29Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, by the way, so anyway, that what I just told you about Gideon?

• 1:43:33Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:34Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, who we're gonna have dude on. Remember I told you?

• 1:43:36Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:37Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, he's suing the government. He's suing the DIA and the case is proceeding, and he got all this fucking information. So the reason I know about the dream projector, projecting mall world into your dreams. Oh, they have a service for really elites in their dreams. They actually it's. So it's very strong electromagnetic fucking shit. When you go to REM sleep and you've heard slightly about this in other mythologies, right, around the internet? That's what they can pull that enough. And, you know, the med bed and all that, you could be like, come back refreshed and relaxed from the best sleep of your life.

• 1:44:12Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:44:13Kurt Metzger?

  As an elite, if you got that service.

• 1:44:15Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, wait, let me ask you this. Hold on. This is an uncomfortable discussion. I don't know if you're gonna like it. Do you know about the Tibetan yoga of dream and sleep?

• 1:44:24Kurt Metzger?

  Um, no, but I feel like I can guess.

• 1:44:26Duncan Trussell?

  So what do you think it is?

• 1:44:28Kurt Metzger?

  Um, a real, a real, uh, like tantric, uh, uh, like, I don't know, riding my own jizz currents to alter the.

• 1:44:38Duncan Trussell?

  No, but, okay, so like, okay, you know, the technique, if you want to have an out of body experience, you know how to do that.

• 1:44:44Kurt Metzger?

  OBE, right?

• 1:44:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you know how to do that. So like, there's people use different tricks, set your.

• 1:44:49Kurt Metzger?

  I've never done it on purpose.

• 1:44:50Duncan Trussell?

  But you get a you get a watch, you know, you set the alarm every like hour, you look at the you look at your clock, you're like, okay, I'm not dreaming. And then, because you're programmed, you'll like, wake up, look at your clock and realize you're dreaming. You can have a have a lucid dream. So.

• 1:45:07Kurt Metzger?

  I sleep with headphones in every night listening to this.

• 1:45:08Duncan Trussell?

  The Tibetan yoga of dream and sleep is that it's the opposite of that, which is you realize this thing we're experiencing right now is nondifferent from the dream state. You know what I'm saying? You're being rude. You're going on your phone.

• 1:45:24Kurt Metzger?

  No, I'm getting I'm I'm like, it's good you bring it up. But what do you mean, nondifferent from the dream state?

• 1:45:29Duncan Trussell?

  I mean that, like, that if you start analyzing waking life, you begin to realize that there are some really

• 1:45:38Duncan Trussell?

  deep similarities towards what's happening when you're awake as to what when you're dreaming, which is it's an assumption to think you're not dreaming right now. This is the beginning of the practice, is you start realizing that your waking state is actually just a more coherent, consistent dream state.

• 1:45:55Kurt Metzger?

  You familiar with OTO?

• 1:45:57Duncan Trussell?

  I'm saying you're in a dream state right now, according to this.

• 1:45:59Kurt Metzger?

  I'm a theta male.

• 1:46:02Kurt Metzger?

  That's our merch. Theta male.

• 1:46:05Duncan Trussell?

  Don't try to skip around what I'm saying, man. Admit you're in. Admit you're in a dream.

• 1:46:10Kurt Metzger?

  Huh?

• 1:46:11Duncan Trussell?

  You're in a dream. This is a dream.

• 1:46:13Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, yeah, but.

• 1:46:15Duncan Trussell?

  Look at me. Look at me.

• 1:46:15Kurt Metzger?

  You understand how you're saying everything and nothing?

• 1:46:16Duncan Trussell?

  Look at me. Look at me.

• 1:46:18Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:20Duncan Trussell?

  Dream.

• 1:46:20Kurt Metzger?

  I already thought that, but.

• 1:46:22Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, so why?

• 1:46:23Kurt Metzger?

  Huh?

• 1:46:24Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 1:46:25Kurt Metzger?

  Why is it a dream?

• 1:46:26Duncan Trussell?

  Why are we in a dream?

• 1:46:28Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, there's a number of reasons.

• 1:46:29Duncan Trussell?

  Tell me why you think.

• 1:46:31Kurt Metzger?

  Hold on. What's happening back there? Are you guys good?

• 1:46:35Duncan Trussell?

  Why do you think we're in a dream?

• 1:46:36Kurt Metzger?

  All right, I don't know. Am I not supposed to ask them if we're in a dream or I'll wake up?

• 1:46:40Duncan Trussell?

  They're freaked out because you're freaked out.

• 1:46:41Kurt Metzger?

  I'm not waking up till I make this point.

• 1:46:43Duncan Trussell?

  Don't crash out. Why do you think we're in a dream? Why are you crashing out? Why do you think we're in a dream?

• 1:46:48Kurt Metzger?

  Why are you crashing out?

• 1:46:49Duncan Trussell?

  God, stop crashing out. Why do you think this is a dream? Tell me why you think this is a dream.

• 1:46:54Kurt Metzger?

  Dream me why you think this is a take.

• 1:46:56Duncan Trussell?

  Dream me why you think this is a take. Think me why you take this is a dream. Dream me take this is a dream. Think, think, take, dream, take, like that thing.

• 1:47:05Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, man, what a great mystery, boys. And as with me as always, is my magnet buddy, Dr. Duncan.

• 1:47:12Duncan Trussell?

  And Seth, I see you. And you know I do. I see you. I think you see me.

• 1:47:17Kurt Metzger?

  And we're gonna go down the tunnels of Typhoon to the lower kleophtic realms.

• 1:47:21Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:21Kurt Metzger?

  And populate Seth Simons with things that look like us.

• 1:47:25Duncan Trussell?

  Your parents love you, and so do our.

• 1:47:28Duncan Trussell?

  I mean that, Seth. You feel it, right?

• 1:47:31Kurt Metzger?

  Your lovers pair you and.

• 1:47:34Duncan Trussell?

  Can I read? Wait, can I just do this real quick? This is the Seth. Let me do this real quick, man, please. In Xanadu.

• 1:47:44Kurt Metzger?

  Shut up!

• 1:47:47Duncan Trussell?

  Beware.

• 1:47:50Duncan Trussell?

  Wipe you clean.

• 1:47:54Kurt Metzger?

  Um, oh, my God, that took fucking forever.

• 1:47:59Kurt Metzger?

  Poetry is fucking gay, dude.

• 1:48:00Duncan Trussell?

  Get out of here. That's Samuel Taylor Corg. Don't ever say that again.

• 1:48:04Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so let me just explain something. Uh, some of the bombs.

• 1:48:09Duncan Trussell?

  God, I can't believe you said poetry is gay.

• 1:48:12Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know about inducing cardiac arrest to be?

• 1:48:15Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 1:48:16Kurt Metzger?

  He's over, see, um, what is that? A furry? Dude, that's a furry. Yo, furries can never go to heaven.

• 1:48:24Duncan Trussell?

  All right. Now you're just trying to hurt my feelings.

• 1:48:26Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, I want to. I want to tell you the most crazy ass thing.

• 1:48:29Duncan Trussell?

  Poetry is gay and furries can never go to heaven?

• 1:48:33Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, furries.

• 1:48:33Duncan Trussell?

  You're bullying me now.

• 1:48:34Kurt Metzger?

  Animals don't go to heaven. That's just in there.

• 1:48:36Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:48:37Kurt Metzger?

  If you're gonna believe in the Lord, just be more accurate.

• 1:48:38Duncan Trussell?

  What about the Rainbow Bridge in my vet's office?

• 1:48:41Kurt Metzger?

  That's Valhalla.

• 1:48:44Kurt Metzger?

  That's Valhalla. The Rainbow Bridge?

• 1:48:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that's what the Rainbow Bridge is.

• 1:48:49Kurt Metzger?

  That's my new podcast.

• 1:48:50Duncan Trussell?

  Can you guys pull up Rainbow Bridge porn? Can you pull up the porn Rainbow Bridge about pet euthanasia?

• 1:48:57Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, can I? Oh, I don't care about that. Can I tell you? Look, look.

• 1:49:00Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 1:49:01Kurt Metzger?

  So our boy is coming to be on the next one. We're getting him on right away, but he texted me this, and it's Alex Jones related, so I want Seth. I want Seth to be paying extra special attention.

• 1:49:12Duncan Trussell?

  You're mine, though.

• 1:49:13Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, you listen. Listen to your master.

• 1:49:19Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, he goes, remember when Alex Jones said they were stopping kids' hearts to talk to aliens?

• 1:49:25Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 1:49:27Kurt Metzger?

  And I went, uh, yes, but I didn't remember that. I remembered him talking about talking to aliens. I remember stopping their hearts.

• 1:49:33Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:49:34Kurt Metzger?

  He goes, he was telling the truth and that's what I lived. And I'm like, wait, what's the stopping the hearts part? So here's how I understand it. Okay. This is how they do space travel through a worm. You know wormholes are like only a couple of microns or some shit?

• 1:49:47Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know much about them.

• 1:49:48Kurt Metzger?

  Well, they can make them, but they're to keep them open. So like something the size of you or me could go through was very difficult.

• 1:49:54Duncan Trussell?

  A lot of energy.

• 1:49:55Kurt Metzger?

  But let's say I had developed a way and I'd studied consciousness enough, the secret of con- it's not aliens I knew about. So it's the secret of consciousness I knew about. Okay. How to manipulate it with electromagnetics.

• 1:50:09Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:50:09Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. And, um, I knew that I could pop it right out of your fucking body. In fact, you could do it at home right now. You can find a channel that'll tell you how to do bionic beats to pop right out of you.

• 1:50:19Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:50:19Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. And they're disseminating this information a lot. You've noticed.

• 1:50:23Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:24Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. So I've got tech though, that does it real good. And he goes, here's how I understand it. They induce cardiac arrest with various means, usually inducing sympathetic, parasympathetic collision and autonomic collapse. I don't know what any of that is. Induces paralysis and shocked waking conscious with pri- with, uh, primarily in the brain stem.

• 1:50:46Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:46Kurt Metzger?

  AKA Dagon. The esoteric order of Dagon is all about your lizard brain.

• 1:50:51Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:50:52Kurt Metzger?

  The reptilian mind. Now a lot of news neuroscientists will say they don't use this model anymore and they probably don't, but.

• 1:50:58Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't know that.

• 1:50:58Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:59Duncan Trussell?

  The lizard brain, the like the cord shit.

• 1:51:02Kurt Metzger?

  But I, I, I feel like they've flipped flap back and forth. These freaks believe in the lizard brain.

• 1:51:06Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:07Kurt Metzger?

  Then that raw sensory app, okay, that raw sensory apparatus in conjunction with the brain's microtubules. If you watch science channels like I do.

• 1:51:14Duncan Trussell?

  I just had the expert on microtubules.

• 1:51:16Kurt Metzger?

  They're talking about them a lot. And I know Neil, our friend Neil deGrasse Tyson talks about microtubules.

• 1:51:22Duncan Trussell?

  Micro- microtubules create a quantum state, which they're, they're saying could be responsible for consciousness.

• 1:51:27Kurt Metzger?

  Um, okay. Wait, wait. Yeah. Okay. So the solar life essence starts to transition into verifiable, higher dimensional space measured in lab with squid. I don't know what the squid part is, but I'm, oh, I do know it is. They've been using octopus and squid parts with, um, with chips and machines. You know how the octopus's whole body's a brain?

• 1:51:51Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:51:52Kurt Metzger?

  So for space shit, you want something that's like.

• 1:51:55Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 1:51:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that's that. Yeah. AI is being mixed with tissue. They've been doing that since.

• 1:52:00Duncan Trussell?

  With octopi tissue?

• 1:52:03Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. And the neuron that you hear about now where they use brain tissue on a thing, that's from 19 fucking 95. Do you know that?

• 1:52:09Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 1:52:10Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it's.

• 1:52:11Duncan Trussell?

  Ninety-five went, what?

• 1:52:13Kurt Metzger?

  That's when they were first doing that.

• 1:52:15Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, that's crazy.

• 1:52:16Kurt Metzger?

  The, yeah, wait, the solar life essence is in a higher D space. And then they divert the soul from the light into the void. So that's what the Kabbalah shit is. It's a map to do that. So they make a, dude, do you understand what? They make a wormhole that's too small for anything in our dimension, you know? They always talk about how.

• 1:52:34Duncan Trussell?

  Sid your soul into the fucking abyss.

• 1:52:37Kurt Metzger?

  But I could fucking, if I knew Conji, I could stop your fucking heart, keep you cooled down and I could send you deep into the fucking abyss.

• 1:52:44Duncan Trussell?

  Why do I want to do that to you though?

• 1:52:45Kurt Metzger?

  Because to travel to these other dimensions, it's like, I guess the best way to put it is Warhammer 40K rules. But the part that's missing is it's taking your consciousness out of your body to go through the tiny little, oh, Alice in Wonderland programming is what a lot of people have been through in those programs.

• 1:53:03Duncan Trussell?

  It's just shoot, it's trying to localize you into like.

• 1:53:06Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. And they shoot your consciousness and then they bring it back to get mess. Now, there's a scientific one they're doing with actual fucking shit that has trademarks on it, patents, which dude, he'll tell us all about it.

• 1:53:17Duncan Trussell?

  This is what they're doing with DMT right now, the titration of DMT.

• 1:53:19Kurt Metzger?

  Remember I said Popular Mechanics, they're advertising your dreams?

• 1:53:22Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:22Kurt Metzger?

  So that's McDonald's talking about advertising in your dreams.

• 1:53:25Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, this is literally, can you guys pull up DMT titration? You know about this. Of course you do. They're, they're titrating people with DMT to send them into.

• 1:53:33Kurt Metzger?

  That's exactly right. And so I, when I did DMT, the times I did it, I wasn't convinced that the entities were alive. I, but the geometry of it.

• 1:53:42Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:43Kurt Metzger?

  Which I, I can't remember, but I also can't forget about. I know, I know there's no way for me to visualize it because I'm not in DMT space. So that was the most profound thing was, oh, the, the angles.

• 1:53:56Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:56Kurt Metzger?

  Are fucking real. Now the entities, this is the interesting part. Cause he told me what they do when they program these kids and all that liber, all the Crowley and the, and, uh, the Grant shit.

• 1:54:08Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:08Kurt Metzger?

  In fact, he gave me the name of Grant's book. So this guy's pro- was.

• 1:54:11Duncan Trussell?

  What are you, which Grant?

• 1:54:13Kurt Metzger?

  Kenneth Grant.

• 1:54:13Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 1:54:14Kurt Metzger?

  So this dude got programmed at, at your school along the, uh, the death, the tree of death or the tree of knowledge. So they hung upside down like the hanged man.

• 1:54:23Duncan Trussell?

  Like Odin.

• 1:54:25Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. And he went down and each sphere is a new trauma or, or torture. Okay. And then the, so for example, the lockdowns and the COVID bullshit. What's the point of that?

• 1:54:35Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, what?

• 1:54:36Kurt Metzger?

  I, this is what I think, but someone who's more well versed in this horse shit could tell me. I think that was a, uh, a tunnel of Typhon to the next sphere of horse shit.

• 1:54:45Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 1:54:46Kurt Metzger?

  We all got used, because China already went through that tunnel of wearing masks and having a pandemic and just getting used to it.

• 1:54:52Duncan Trussell?

  Get used to the.

• 1:54:53Kurt Metzger?

  And you should feel guilty you're alive. Just being alive, you crapped up the planet, even though those things are fake. You know how the pollution shit's very real? The plastics in your balls that made Seth Simons that way? He's probably got a taint that big.

• 1:55:04Duncan Trussell?

  All right. You don't have to fucking throw Simons.

• 1:55:07Kurt Metzger?

  No, it's all the kids. That's all the kids. It ain't just him. I'm one of the last of the long taints. You know that Tanner knows that.

• 1:55:13Duncan Trussell?

  I'm one too.

• 1:55:14Kurt Metzger?

  The people on the, uh, Mystery Boys warboat cruise, the inner circle.

• 1:55:17Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not shaming people like you are. I have a nice, beautiful, long taint.

• 1:55:21Kurt Metzger?

  I'm not shaming it. I'm not, I'm not val- I'm not valuing, I'm first of all, I'm not normalizing or denormalizing.

• 1:55:26Duncan Trussell?

  You're normalizing.

• 1:55:27Kurt Metzger?

  Or hyper normalizing an idealized taint. I feel like.

• 1:55:30Duncan Trussell?

  I think you have a great taint. You don't need to like just rub it in everyone's face.

• 1:55:34Kurt Metzger?

  It's just, we need to have this data point. It's not, it is what it is. And I'm not trying to brag about my taint again.

• 1:55:41Duncan Trussell?

  You're bragging about your taint. That's what you just did.

• 1:55:45Kurt Metzger?

  It's not up to me. It's up to you.

• 1:55:46Duncan Trussell?

  It was a brag. It's okay, but you did brag about your taint.

• 1:55:49Kurt Metzger?

  It's up to you and Tanner.

• 1:55:49Duncan Trussell?

  And I, this is not a brag. I do want to say.

• 1:55:51Kurt Metzger?

  Gang down at Y M H C.

• 1:55:53Duncan Trussell?

  I have a nice, long taint too.

• 1:55:55Kurt Metzger?

  Cause we're going to have a good session looking at my taint after this, guys.

• 1:55:57Duncan Trussell?

  I have a beautiful, long taint.

• 1:55:59Kurt Metzger?

  Hope you, uh, cut out time in your schedules to look at my taint after this.

• 1:56:02Duncan Trussell?

  Healthy taint for my age.

• 1:56:04Kurt Metzger?

  Because it's, uh, you, and we're going to do this every time until you learn.

• 1:56:08Duncan Trussell?

  That's right.

• 1:56:09Kurt Metzger?

  Understanding the perineum. No, you don't got to understand it. You don't understand shit. You just listen and obey the perineum.

• 1:56:14Duncan Trussell?

  That's him. I would not say that.

• 1:56:15Kurt Metzger?

  Your elders.

• 1:56:16Duncan Trussell?

  Seth, I would not say that.

• 1:56:17Kurt Metzger?

  I believe in a hierarchy of perineums.

• 1:56:19Duncan Trussell?

  I don't. I'm not into this hierarchical perineum system you're into.

• 1:56:23Kurt Metzger?

  But when you read that poem, I was like, whoa, this guy's a fucking epsilon male.

• 1:56:27Duncan Trussell?

  I don't even know what that means.

• 1:56:29Kurt Metzger?

  It's after theta. I was just.

• 1:56:30Duncan Trussell?

  I have a long, beautiful taint, but I'm not bragging. Cause I feel like we all share a taint.

• 1:56:37Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, there is an underlying taint. That's right.

• 1:56:39Duncan Trussell?

  That's the universal taint.

• 1:56:41Kurt Metzger?

  George Lucas was trying to explain dark Kabbalah through Star Wars.

• 1:56:45Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, the force.

• 1:56:46Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. Through, uh, Synanon and his movie was all the cult Synanon, you know?

• 1:56:51Duncan Trussell?

  Synanon.

• 1:56:53Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know what else this dude was telling me about? Oh, sorry.

• 1:56:55Duncan Trussell?

  That was weird. Talking about taints and then you did a little toe tap.

• 1:56:59Kurt Metzger?

  You can tell how big my taint is from my foot size.

• 1:57:01Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, that's not always the case.

• 1:57:03Kurt Metzger?

  My taint is as long as my foot.

• 1:57:05Duncan Trussell?

  You do have a long buttery taint. I have to pee.

• 1:57:09Kurt Metzger?

  I have to shit. Wait, can we do that again? He has to shit.

• 1:57:14Duncan Trussell?

  I gotta shit.

• 1:57:15Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. Okay. I'm saving up for a big one.

• 1:57:22Kurt Metzger?

  Oh man, you gotta shimmy out of that whole outfit, huh? Do you know the purple tinky winky was booking, uh, comedy clubs? Don't talk about him? No, I says booking comedy. What?

• 1:57:36Kurt Metzger?

  Just have a shit. Just go and have a shit.

• 1:57:41Kurt Metzger?

  Well, this is the banter that Seth Simons is going to sit through every minute of.

• 1:57:46Speaker 06

  I don't know if you saw, but he's got a butt flap on that thing.

• 1:57:49Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I was going to say, I hope it has one. Yeah. Cut one out. Um, okay. We don't need to talk about taints. This is madness. This is, this is him trying to get out of, of some real deep esoteric learnings. So anyway, they got to make you die. Ooh, that's pretty. So, so I make you, you know, a near death experience? Uh, soldiers, we call it shell shock, but World War I, World War II, if a shell exploded, it would, the soldiers feel like got knocked out of their body, the ones that lived, you know what I'm talking about?

• 1:58:16Duncan Trussell?

  Yep.

• 1:58:17Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. So this is a thing they've studied for a while and that's shell shock or PTSD. They call it now. That institute that was studying PTSD was also studying how to make you get knocked out of your fucking body if they want at will. And in that state, your conscience can go through a tiny little wormhole they can make into alternate. So, uh, Montauk, Stranger Things. Yo, you've seen on Stranger Things, uh, uh, the, the final season, the kid is like walled up in a cocoon. And he's like, got like a thing in his mouth, like a hentai tentacle in his throat.

• 1:58:52Speaker 06

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:58:53Kurt Metzger?

  Will you put a picture of that? Does that seem fucking weird to anybody?

• 1:58:56Speaker 06

  I thought it was kind of weird.

• 1:58:58Kurt Metzger?

  You thought it was kind of weird? Why? Cause it was labeled too sex- I don't want to, don't make it too sexy of a.

• 1:59:06Kurt Metzger?

  So the upside down, that's what that is.

• 1:59:07Speaker 06

  Wait, you watched the show?

• 1:59:09Kurt Metzger?

  No, it's, it, the show's boring, dude.

• 1:59:11Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 1:59:13Kurt Metzger?

  Do you watch a show?

• 1:59:14Speaker 06

  I just weren't, you just said you, this is, cause it's like towards the end.

• 1:59:16Kurt Metzger?

  Stranger Things kids aged weirder than anybody I've ever seen yet.

• 1:59:22Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, they look fucking strange. They look stranger. Oh yeah, dude, what the fuck? The first scene reveals the truth about, well, what? That he is, uh, Montauk. So, so you see how they're addressing the real program though? Like the producers of the, the twins who made this, they're twins. They wanted to call it Montauk, but instead they called Stranger Things. Um, and that, look at that shit. Holly versus Vecna. The most disturbed. Do you see that? Does that look fucking odd to anybody? Am I weird that I find there's something to be kind of something strange with that?

• 1:59:56Speaker 06

  No. No, you're not weird.

• 1:59:58Kurt Metzger?

  What'd you say?

• 1:59:59Speaker 06

  I said, you're not weird.

• 2:00:00Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, I thought you said it's not weird.

• 2:00:02Speaker 06

  No, it's, it's kind of weird. Yeah.

• 2:00:05Kurt Metzger?

  Um, yeah. Why are you supposed to do that?

• 2:00:07Speaker 06

  Um, I don't know, Kurt. Why?

• 2:00:10Kurt Metzger?

  No, you tell me. You're in high school. You're the target audience.

• 2:00:13Speaker 06

  Wait, why are they making it look weird?

• 2:00:15Kurt Metzger?

  Um, it, it looks like a fucking, uh, deep throat thing. That's what it looks like.

• 2:00:19Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 2:00:20Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. I, I mean, it's not, whoa, what's that girl doing?

• 2:00:25Speaker 06

  Um.

• 2:00:25Kurt Metzger?

  The thing with the boy is like the kind of worst. No wonder Vecna would extend his tendril. Click that.

• 2:00:31Speaker 06

  It's because he's gay.

• 2:00:32Kurt Metzger?

  Click that. You know, right. Yeah. But a little bit more than that.

• 2:00:36Speaker 06

  No, the character Will is actually gay and that.

• 2:00:39Kurt Metzger?

  He like comes out. Oh, yeah. Okay. So there's something going on there a bit, isn't there? With the tentacle? This kid was in another dimension. Where's, um, Dr. Magnet? Show, put this up, put this on the screen. So the show Stranger Things originally was gonna be called Montauk. Go back on the picture. Look, look, look.

• 2:00:58Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:01:00Kurt Metzger?

  So did you watch Stranger Things?

• 2:01:02Duncan Trussell?

  I couldn't get through the, I got kinda like, lost interest. I got through the first-

• 2:01:06Kurt Metzger?

  God, dull as shit, dude.

• 2:01:07Duncan Trussell?

  I like the music.

• 2:01:09Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, well, why? Cause it's eighties time?

• 2:01:11Duncan Trussell?

  No, cause the Moog, they had like really good, they used Moogs. It was good, it was pretty, but I didn't really like, get too into the show itself. I thought it was-

• 2:01:22Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so, did you see that?

• 2:01:24Duncan Trussell?

  Interesting. No wonder Vecna would extend his tendrils into Will's mouth. Gross.

• 2:01:30Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, that was season four. This kid's walled up in another dimension, the upside down, and he's getting what looks like-

• 2:01:37Duncan Trussell?

  It's gross. It's tentacle, it's tentacle porn.

• 2:01:40Kurt Metzger?

  So anybody who's a, and so I guess somebody like, what, you must be a pervert if it looks like that to you. I'm like, I, I, I am now.

• 2:01:46Duncan Trussell?

  How does that not look like that to anybody?

• 2:01:49Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it's crazy. Okay, nobody said anything about it?

• 2:01:52Duncan Trussell?

  How did no one say anything about that?

• 2:01:53Kurt Metzger?

  Look at that bowl haircut too. That's the worst part.

• 2:01:55Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't get this far into it. That's fucked up.

• 2:01:57Kurt Metzger?

  Dude, look at his haircut.

• 2:01:58Duncan Trussell?

  That's also fucked up.

• 2:01:59Kurt Metzger?

  You think maybe getting your haircut to look like a penis tip might have made you gay? Cause I, I, I think you should look into that.

• 2:02:05Duncan Trussell?

  That's bad.

• 2:02:06Kurt Metzger?

  Why the fuck's a, a young gay white kid having Edgar haircut?

• 2:02:09Duncan Trussell?

  It's so fucked up.

• 2:02:12Duncan Trussell?

  I didn't wa- I didn't watch this far through.

• 2:02:15Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, what is the Dragon Rouge? Uh, that's another one of these cults. I just dropped the name of a real cult. Uh, the Dragon Rouge are some fucking weirdos. That's the satanic arm of the SRA they teach people in OTO affiliates.

• 2:02:28Duncan Trussell?

  Boring.

• 2:02:29Kurt Metzger?

  But that's what that was happening to that kid.

• 2:02:31Duncan Trussell?

  Gross.

• 2:02:31Kurt Metzger?

  That's what, it's all based on the same klopathic tra- uh, path working.

• 2:02:35Duncan Trussell?

  I don't like it.

• 2:02:36Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, well, still listen.

• 2:02:37Duncan Trussell?

  I have kids, you know, man, it makes me sad.

• 2:02:40Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that's why, I mean, I, I guess they weren't watching this, cause it looks-

• 2:02:43Duncan Trussell?

  No, they're not, I'm not gonna let them watch Stranger Things.

• 2:02:47Kurt Metzger?

  Um, anyway, the Libra two thirty-one keys for the tun- oh, Libra two thirty-one, it's keys for the tunnels, which each of the, which each correspond to abuses and spheres. So Daryl James, this dude solved the Daryl James thing for me, dude.

• 2:03:03Duncan Trussell?

  How so?

• 2:03:04Kurt Metzger?

  Do you remember all the Kabbalah names in Daryl James's story? And you remember Michael Aquino in, in his story?

• 2:03:09Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 2:03:10Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, Michael Aquino's in this guy's story too.

• 2:03:12Duncan Trussell?

  Really?

• 2:03:13Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. That piece of shit. This is the guy suing the DIA. Michael Aquino, so it's in Kenneth Grant's book, he's got the name of the book in here. They're doing upside down Kabbalah to kids, and it's a mind control thing. And you go down the tree, and it's a different abuse to make you dissociate.

• 2:03:30Duncan Trussell?

  Uh.

• 2:03:31Kurt Metzger?

  That's where all these people are into ketamine and all this bullshit. And they have you, like Star Trek, go to different planets. So think of his story, Daryl James. I haven't done it yet, but I wanna try to map. So he's in trouble, he goes to the moon.

• 2:03:44Duncan Trussell?

  Right.

• 2:03:45Kurt Metzger?

  And it's like all like-

• 2:03:46Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, I got you.

• 2:03:46Kurt Metzger?

  And what was common was semen being removed everywhere he went. And everywhere he went, they were draining his balls. Remember that? And it's, so we got ourselves Kabbalah names. Michael Aquino. Oh, his command, his, the guy that debriefed him when he left.

• 2:04:02Duncan Trussell?

  So depressing.

• 2:04:02Kurt Metzger?

  Robert, Robert, who told him all this shit. Well, no, the tr- it's better to know the truth always. Robert-

• 2:04:07Duncan Trussell?

  You're right, but it's still depress- you know, it's, it's disturbing.

• 2:04:10Kurt Metzger?

  I admit, I actually get giddy when I realize the scam. It makes me, I, I really do get a dopamine hit off of it. So I could see how it would be a rabbit hole. Well, also because it triggers a lot-

• 2:04:20Duncan Trussell?

  Just hurting kids. I mean, I don't mean to seem sanctimonious, but just hurting kids.

• 2:04:25Kurt Metzger?

  You sound a little sanctimonious, honestly.

• 2:04:26Duncan Trussell?

  The fact that people fucking have mapped out mechanisms of hurting children to this level is so dismaying.

• 2:04:34Kurt Metzger?

  Well, do you know why?

• 2:04:35Duncan Trussell?

  Why?

• 2:04:36Kurt Metzger?

  For no touch abuse. So the original, when we were in gate, the thing that you don't remember, right?

• 2:04:42Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:04:43Kurt Metzger?

  Do you remember pink drink?

• 2:04:44Duncan Trussell?

  I remember the pink drink, yeah. The k- k- the squirter. I remember the k- the cranker that they-

• 2:04:49Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, do you remember one that was chalky and kinda metallic?

• 2:04:52Duncan Trussell?

  No, not really.

• 2:04:53Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, well, I do.

• 2:04:54Duncan Trussell?

  I remember some kinda fucked up drink, but I think it was swish and spit. I think it was just fluoride.

• 2:04:58Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that just sounds like fluoride. But I'm talking about when you had to drink.

• 2:05:00Duncan Trussell?

  I don't think I got the pink drink. I don't remember it if I did. Oh, I remember gate. I remember the ear test. I remember the, the test. I remember how happy my mom was when I got into it, cause they thought I was retarded.

• 2:05:14Kurt Metzger?

  You might have had dragon blood. Oh, by the way, dragon's blood is the thing that they're all about keeping. And it's literally just probably blood type for psy. But it gets, uh, put out there as like, oh, the, uh, the grail. It's the blood of Jesus. Nah, they actually call it dragon's blood. They don't, it's not, it's not Jesus blood.

• 2:05:34Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:05:35Kurt Metzger?

  Um, but it, literally that's what they're testing for. CIA tests for it. So he told me what they're doing with, with kids is, it's like the oracles that you've heard of from, at Delphi?

• 2:05:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:05:47Kurt Metzger?

  But they've got it to the point now where instead of trying to get a, a glimpse in the future, um, they can erase, they can re- do retrocausal fucking shit here and there.

• 2:05:59Kurt Metzger?

  But a person is the Stargate, just as I suspected. I don't think it's just some tech. They're using people.

• 2:06:06Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:06:06Kurt Metzger?

  Because the way they look at it, and, uh, in computers, putting computer terms, uh, daemon, so the word demon, is it has to do with where your subconscious connects to the rest of the universe.

• 2:06:17Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, I buy that.

• 2:06:18Kurt Metzger?

  And that's kind of a neutral term, more than the, the, you know, daemon. And that's why it's in computers. It's a subroutine that does a thing.

• 2:06:25Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:06:25Kurt Metzger?

  They, he said they're layering archetype, so like in Stranger Things. So are, they're always patterning you with archetypes, like Elvis, or Tupac, or whoever you like, or Beyonce, whatever gay shit. When they, we were torturing these kids in the thing, they put archetype patterns, right? And then those attract real alien consciousness from, what did he call it? Like the undifferentiated hologram, things split off from it. They're attracted to the archetypes that you project. Dude-

• 2:06:55Duncan Trussell?

  By the way, I just wanna say this. Seth, when I was talking about guillotines, this is what I was talking about. And anyone who's doing this level of manipulation to humans does, like, it would be compassionate to sever their head from their body. Like, and maybe it's just cause they, when you have kids, you know, you can't even watch Dayline anymore. So when I hear about this idea-

• 2:07:19Kurt Metzger?

  And where are you supposed to get your murder porn?

• 2:07:21Duncan Trussell?

  Doing this to fucking children at this level.

• 2:07:23Kurt Metzger?

  It's the only way that married couples fuck anymore, is to watch a murder and then they go fuck.

• 2:07:26Duncan Trussell?

  You can't, you can't. It, you, you all, it, I, all, all the Buddhist shit goes out the window. All of it goes out, you just want, anyone who would do this to it, what you're describing, which I do think is, is accurate and, and true, of course, you know, anyone who-

• 2:07:40Kurt Metzger?

  What happened to you, buddy?

• 2:07:41Duncan Trussell?

  What do you mean?

• 2:07:42Kurt Metzger?

  Do you remember what happened?

• 2:07:43Duncan Trussell?

  To me?

• 2:07:44Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah.

• 2:07:44Duncan Trussell?

  No, I mean, I don't, I was in gate, but I don't, I don't remember much of it.

• 2:07:49Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I don't remember any of it. I don't remember any part of it, except for the drink.

• 2:07:53Duncan Trussell?

  Could still be in it right now.

• 2:07:54Kurt Metzger?

  You think that's a good thing?

• 2:07:56Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 2:07:58Kurt Metzger?

  So, uh, yeah, no, it probably would make my Buddhism, my, my famous Buddhist ethic would probably go by the wayside, yes, a bit.

• 2:08:06Duncan Trussell?

  The saying, like, you don't, like, thou shalt not, you know, I, well, quote-

• 2:08:10Kurt Metzger?

  Well, the bottom line is you gotta stop feeding the blood.

• 2:08:12Duncan Trussell?

  It would be, it would be better that a millstone was tied to their neck and they were thrown into the sea than to hurt one of these children.

• 2:08:19Kurt Metzger?

  And that also means someone that, that stumbles you out of being a Christian, cause they suck as a Christian.

• 2:08:25Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, really?

• 2:08:25Kurt Metzger?

  Like a supposed, yeah, a supposed shepherd of the, of the flock is fleecing and-

• 2:08:30Duncan Trussell?

  Wow.

• 2:08:31Kurt Metzger?

  That, the big thing of it is like, if you know better and you're not helping nobody with it, then, and you're in fact making them hate it. So think of Aleister Crowley, he's from the Plymouth Brethren. You, the way, how do I make a real hardcore klopathic, uh, uh, you know, uh, left, left-hand pather? How do I make that?

• 2:08:48Duncan Trussell?

  How?

• 2:08:49Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, by abusing them in the right-hand path. And then I use the symbology of the double eagle head. You know that, oh, the merch has to be me and him like double eagle head.

• 2:08:58Duncan Trussell?

  Love it.

• 2:09:00Kurt Metzger?

  I forgot to say that.

• 2:09:00Duncan Trussell?

  But that's so fucked up.

• 2:09:02Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know what that means, the double eagle head?

• 2:09:03Duncan Trussell?

  No, I've always wondered. What does it mean?

• 2:09:06Kurt Metzger?

  It's, it's, um, the same as the two pillars. It means mercy and, well, right-hand path, left-hand path. We, we cover them all. So that's what I was trying to explain to Alex, and I was pushing in on him pretty hard about, with Flynn and that, and he, dude, even people that, by the way, again, conspiracy's not like a separate category where you put that. Conspiracy is the whole thing, asshole.

• 2:09:26Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:09:27Kurt Metzger?

  What are you talking about? You, you, there's a whole conspiracy about us that, that we work for Peter Thiel that's-

• 2:09:32Duncan Trussell?

  Insane. Not real.

• 2:09:34Kurt Metzger?

  But, I mean, I'm glad to, if I could have a good interview with him and, and, uh, use-

• 2:09:39Duncan Trussell?

  I would like to have a talk.

• 2:09:40Kurt Metzger?

  And then I could use Palantir, like the unblinking eye at you.

• 2:09:43Duncan Trussell?

  But I do, I have to say, it is weird, the accusations I get.

• 2:09:48Kurt Metzger?

  It's not a crime to know Peter Thiel, sorry.

• 2:09:49Duncan Trussell?

  I've never met him. I went to see him talk once. I get all the time, people say, I will say this, this is a little weird, how many people ask me what Peter Thiel's cock tastes like? There's a lot of repressed gay stuff.

• 2:10:04Kurt Metzger?

  I mean, now you were very forthcoming-

• 2:10:06Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know, I haven't met him. I haven't been to dinner with him.

• 2:10:08Kurt Metzger?

  You're very forthcoming that his-

• 2:10:10Duncan Trussell?

  Give one talk!

• 2:10:11Kurt Metzger?

  His dick smells like, uh, cinnamon and something else.

• 2:10:15Duncan Trussell?

  What does it smell like, taste like?

• 2:10:16Kurt Metzger?

  Coriander, what did you say it smells like? His penis?

• 2:10:18Duncan Trussell?

  His penis.

• 2:10:19Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, you, you didn't know the taste. You, you were very forthcoming about the smell.

• 2:10:22Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, the smell is like, it's like, uh, think of the Garden of Eden, like, you know honeysuckle?

• 2:10:27Kurt Metzger?

  Like incense and a Candace Owens dwarf's-

• 2:10:30Duncan Trussell?

  Imagine like a wind blowing through the Garden of Eden over, like, a, a, a grove of honeysuckle? That's the smell.

• 2:10:38Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that's a very good smell. Man, that's probably some, uh, CRISPR thing.

• 2:10:42Duncan Trussell?

  It's the smell of America.

• 2:10:43Kurt Metzger?

  It's probably some Cambrian genomic-

• 2:10:44Duncan Trussell?

  It's actually what data centers smell like.

• 2:10:47Kurt Metzger?

  The data centers are to help feed Gideon.

• 2:10:49Duncan Trussell?

  People don't even know what a data center smells like. Nothing like the smell of a-

• 2:10:53Kurt Metzger?

  Yo.

• 2:10:53Duncan Trussell?

  Data center.

• 2:10:54Kurt Metzger?

  Gideon combines facial-

• 2:10:56Duncan Trussell?

  Honeysuckle.

• 2:10:57Kurt Metzger?

  Gideon's, uh, combines facial recognition with AI and all that, and neural mapping. Remember how Epstein and that guy that, he was on Rogan's show, where he's got a hair lip, he, he talked about robots?

• 2:11:10Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 2:11:10Kurt Metzger?

  And a little Sophia project, and yeah, um, robot, AI.

• 2:11:15Duncan Trussell?

  This is terrifying. Who is this?

• 2:11:17Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, can you-

• 2:11:18Duncan Trussell?

  This is scary.

• 2:11:19Kurt Metzger?

  You can't put hair, that's not how you spell hair lip, by the way.

• 2:11:22Duncan Trussell?

  It's the Silence of the Lambs person.

• 2:11:24Kurt Metzger?

  Ben Gertzel. B E N, and I think, oh, G, no, no, no, no, go back, go back, go, go back. G, there you go. Yeah.

• 2:11:34Duncan Trussell?

  You're scared.

• 2:11:35Kurt Metzger?

  But okay, dude, you tell me if I'm wrong, that's not how he talks.

• 2:11:37Duncan Trussell?

  Let's pull him up.

• 2:11:38Kurt Metzger?

  He went to Africa with Epstein to map kids' brains.

• 2:11:41Duncan Trussell?

  Pull him up on YouTube.

• 2:11:43Kurt Metzger?

  Go ahead.

• 2:11:45Duncan Trussell?

  Scares me.

• 2:11:46Kurt Metzger?

  When I introduced the term AGI, the AI market was real, but AGI was beyond the pale. Yeah. Everyone was laughing at us, like, if this means adjusting gross income, no one will ever pay attention to you.

• 2:11:59Speaker 07

  Invention often happens actually by

• 2:12:02Duncan Trussell?

  He mapped kids' brains?

• 2:12:03Kurt Metzger?

  Go back, go back, go back, go back.

• 2:12:04Speaker 07

  Something happen means it

• 2:12:06Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, there's a speech where he talked about AI is gonna destroy everybody's jobs.

• 2:12:11Duncan Trussell?

  I would not leave my children with that man.

• 2:12:14Kurt Metzger?

  Why?

• 2:12:15Duncan Trussell?

  What? Why?

• 2:12:17Kurt Metzger?

  And, uh, yeah, they, they have, dude, all these assholes all have the same speech about how, um, it's gonna destroy everything. Just like the chick with those headphones. But guess what Duncan? It's already here. You said it on the Alex Jones one, really great points that I, I fear Seth Simons might have missed about Elon being the head warlock and they're talking to this AI thing. Yeah. All the heads of the tech companies have been put through this kinda shit. That's why there's uh, Flynn A and Flynn B and an Elon A and Elon B. I'm, I'm pretty sure Elon got the Janus, uh, program. I think Trump did as well. I think Dick Gregory is right and there's two Trumps.

• 2:12:52Duncan Trussell?

  It is possible they're getting exposed to some kind of like super advanced AI that's warping them.

• 2:12:58Kurt Metzger?

  Well, they were already warped before that by their family. Well, there's two methods. There's the old fashioned esoteric way that goes back to Egypt. So you have your, uh, Memphis myth raic kinda thing and that's all. OTO is, don't, don't underestimate how big of a deal OTO is in this whole thing.

• 2:13:16Duncan Trussell?

  I don't. Can we pull up radium girls? Just an image of the radium girls?

• 2:13:20Kurt Metzger?

  I can't jerk off right now. I'm trying to talk about a podcast.

• 2:13:22Duncan Trussell?

  I wanna, no, I want people to see it. Cause I, I talked about it.

• 2:13:24Kurt Metzger?

  Don't write that down.

• 2:13:25Duncan Trussell?

  Pull up radium girls, the image. I want people to actually see what happened to them. Radium girl's skull. There you go, right there. Pull up the one where she's all fucked up. See, they were working with radioactivity and they got all fucked up.

• 2:13:41Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I know about this.

• 2:13:42Duncan Trussell?

  Look at that goiter. Look at that goiter.

• 2:13:43Kurt Metzger?

  See that face right there? So in One Punch Man, the anime, don't watch anime kids. There's a little kid that One Punch Man saves who looks just like this lady.

• 2:13:51Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:13:52Kurt Metzger?

  Who has balls on his chin and I think that that guy was referencing it.

• 2:13:55Duncan Trussell?

  This is, I think is like the modern tech oligarchy. They're the radium girls, but it's like the, the, the goiters are not, it's in their personality, which is why they act so weird.

• 2:14:05Kurt Metzger?

  Goy.

• 2:14:06Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah. Oh my God. That's true. Alligators. But yeah, I, I

• 2:14:14Kurt Metzger?

  You know a lot of anime.

• 2:14:15Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, you do know a lot of anime. Call out from the booth. Anime man.

• 2:14:21Kurt Metzger?

  I know.

• 2:14:22Duncan Trussell?

  What's your favorite anime?

• 2:14:23Kurt Metzger?

  The good anime.

• 2:14:24Duncan Trussell?

  What is good anime? I don't, I've never gotten into it.

• 2:14:27Kurt Metzger?

  When I was a boy, it was different. We had a fist, it was about violence and, uh,

• 2:14:31Duncan Trussell?

  What's your favorite anime?

• 2:14:33Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, well, hmm.

• 2:14:37Duncan Trussell?

  What is it? Akira?

• 2:14:39Kurt Metzger?

  I used to love Fist of the North Star.

• 2:14:42Duncan Trussell?

  Can we pull that up? Fist of the North Star?

• 2:14:44Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, the eighties movie, which actually kinda like fucks up the story of the thing, but I like it. I liked it.

• 2:14:51Duncan Trussell?

  Can you pull it up on YouTube or, okay, I just wanna see it for a second. I'll watch this. If you think it's good, I'll watch it. 1986.

• 2:14:57Kurt Metzger?

  You've never heard of this?

• 2:14:58Duncan Trussell?

  No. I never got into anime.

• 2:15:01Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, you, oh, well, I see what this is. Think you're better than me.

• 2:15:05Duncan Trussell?

  No, I don't.

• 2:15:06Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you are.

• 2:15:07Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, press pause. I have to address this. In fact, I've always felt like lesser, cause I can't get into anime. It's like the way my friends are into football. I wish I could get into football. I can't get into this and I don't know why, cause it, it seems like I should like it. I don't know why I can't connect.

• 2:15:23Kurt Metzger?

  Well, Fist of the North Star, uh, is pretty awesome.

• 2:15:27Duncan Trussell?

  It looks cool. Press play. I wanna watch it. I'm not high roading. I swear to God, man. I wanna get into anime. I swear. Hit, hit play.

• 2:15:36Duncan Trussell?

  What the fuck? It looks cool.

• 2:15:45Duncan Trussell?

  This looks awesome.

• 2:15:46Kurt Metzger?

  You don't know about this?

• 2:15:48Duncan Trussell?

  Dude, I'm telling you, I never got into anime. This could be the thing.

• 2:15:51Kurt Metzger?

  You never heard the reference in this video game? There's a game of it that's awesome.

• 2:15:56Duncan Trussell?

  I never got into this. It's like a, a, a bad, I should, we should not show this on the podcast. People are gonna judge me so soon.

• 2:16:05Kurt Metzger?

  No, this, but this is not the anime. I mean, this is like,

• 2:16:07Duncan Trussell?

  It looks awesome.

• 2:16:08Kurt Metzger?

  This is like unk anime.

• 2:16:09Duncan Trussell?

  Reminds me of heavy metal.

• 2:16:10Kurt Metzger?

  I'm all for unk anime. Um, so anyway, it's a nuclear, it's after, it's nuclear holocaust and it's like a Japanese version of Mad Max.

• 2:16:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:16:19Kurt Metzger?

  And, um, uh, uh, Ken, Kenshiro, I can't remember which one, but his Ken, the Ameri, I like the dubbed American, not subtitle.

• 2:16:28Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:16:28Kurt Metzger?

  So it's Americans have filtered, it's been filtered through Americans fucking up the story.

• 2:16:32Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 2:16:32Kurt Metzger?

  And I feel like that really adds to it.

• 2:16:34Duncan Trussell?

  Cool.

• 2:16:35Kurt Metzger?

  Um, okay. So he's in, he's the inheritor of an art called, um, something, uh, it's, he's the fist of the North Star. So he can hit, it's, and it comes from China. He can hit you pressure points.

• 2:16:45Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 2:16:46Kurt Metzger?

  And then your head explodes.

• 2:16:48Duncan Trussell?

  Cool. I love it.

• 2:16:49Kurt Metzger?

  And so they talk shit after he hits him and he goes, you're already dead. And then their head blows up.

• 2:16:53Duncan Trussell?

  I love that. Like the quivering palm.

• 2:16:56Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. And then he meets a guy Shin who he does Chinese nanto and his fingers like, he's like this and he like slices you up in his beef steaks when he does it. It's fucking rad.

• 2:17:09Duncan Trussell?

  It's rad.

• 2:17:09Kurt Metzger?

  And then at the end in the movie, it's like, I can't even tell what the fuck happens. Like the girl he's trying to rescue gets blown away in a windstorm. And, uh, and then the guy, he was, you know, put, put Fist of the North Star, Ken and, um, all, Ken versus R A O H, Rao. She's his. Um, so now the anime is mostly, it, it turns you into a trans, uh, furry with diapers on. I don't know why, but there was no diapers in this.

• 2:17:36Duncan Trussell?

  I got it. I got you.

• 2:17:37Kurt Metzger?

  Day. Okay, here we go.

• 2:17:40Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 2:17:43Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, it's fucking random.

• 2:17:44Duncan Trussell?

  This is rad.

• 2:17:48Kurt Metzger?

  It would be better if it was in, um,

• 2:17:50Duncan Trussell?

  What Ira desires is the victory of my fist.

• 2:17:57Kurt Metzger?

  Is this 1986?

• 2:18:06Kurt Metzger?

  I think, um, this is like some remake and not the 1986 one.

• 2:18:11Duncan Trussell?

  Fuck.

• 2:18:12Kurt Metzger?

  But anyway, it's cool. So they fight whatever. And then, uh, Rao's still alive and they're like friends after. It's just, it's all

• 2:18:17Duncan Trussell?

  There it is. Look, go back down. Cause Shiro versus, this has gotta be it.

• 2:18:21Kurt Metzger?

  The one where he's just on his horse and won't get off his horse.

• 2:18:23Duncan Trussell?

  Watch this for a second.

• 2:18:24Kurt Metzger?

  There you go, right there.

• 2:18:25Duncan Trussell?

  Cause Shiro, that you're on it. That, that's it. That's it.

• 2:18:28Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about.

• 2:18:29Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, let's watch this real quick.

• 2:18:33Duncan Trussell?

  Holy shit.

• 2:18:40Kurt Metzger?

  These guys have been fucking for hours.

• 2:18:42Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, they're tired. They're exhausted. Where are they?

• 2:18:48Kurt Metzger?

  Look at their cheese squirting everywhere.

• 2:18:52Duncan Trussell?

  I wonder if you're animated.

• 2:18:55Kurt Metzger?

  Some fish head.

• 2:18:56Duncan Trussell?

  I wonder how many people.

• 2:18:58Kurt Metzger?

  Uh-oh, I said fish head. Will you cut that? Cause Seth Simons is gonna really, that's an Asian slur.

• 2:19:02Duncan Trussell?

  Cut fish head. I don't think he's watched this.

• 2:19:04Kurt Metzger?

  If you know Asians and you've been to, uh, the Orient, China, as I have, you know that they love that shit.

• 2:19:09Duncan Trussell?

  He's not watching. He didn't make it to this part. I could feel it. He like tuned out.

• 2:19:15Kurt Metzger?

  Seth, tune back in. Hold on.

• 2:19:17Duncan Trussell?

  No, he's not. You can't, cause he's not watching anymore.

• 2:19:20Kurt Metzger?

  Watch this anime with me until I

• 2:19:21Duncan Trussell?

  I can feel it. He's not watching. I can feel when Seth is watching. He's not watching right now.

• 2:19:26Kurt Metzger?

  Anyway, show these two fucking, uh, these two guys just like basically getting their weird sexual energy out is, I guess is what was happening.

• 2:19:34Duncan Trussell?

  That's what fighting is, man.

• 2:19:36Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. There you go. The left hand back.

• 2:19:44Duncan Trussell?

  Why is it? I don't understand why it's repairing buildings though.

• 2:19:48Kurt Metzger?

  It's in, uh, it's put in reverse for copyright purposes.

• 2:19:52Duncan Trussell?

  Oh, it's in reverse. That would be so cool if they're fighting rebuilt society.

• 2:20:00Kurt Metzger?

  We can't, it's not transformative to watch a clip? That's crazy talk. This guy has no more jizz left.

• 2:20:09Kurt Metzger?

  This is how we're gonna feel after we bathe Seth Simons.

• 2:20:12Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 2:20:13Kurt Metzger?

  Bloody tires.

• 2:20:14Duncan Trussell?

  Seth, don't listen in.

• 2:20:16Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, there he is rejuvenated.

• 2:20:17Duncan Trussell?

  Look, this is the best fight ever.

• 2:20:23Duncan Trussell?

  That's what it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be, you argue and things get better. Not you argue and things get worse. It's you argue, you realize you're wrong. I mean, it's the kawaii yuga. So it's so embarrassing to even have to say this. The idea is you argue. You realize, oh my God, I'm wrong. And then you go, you know what? You're right. I was wrong. And then everything's better. That's what it used to be like. And that's how you get, that's how you get civilization.

• 2:20:50Kurt Metzger?

  It wasn't the Lemurian period. I'll tell you that much.

• 2:20:52Duncan Trussell?

  I don't know about the Lemurians, honestly.

• 2:20:54Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, they're not cool. They're the slough.

• 2:20:56Duncan Trussell?

  But now we're in a period where people just wanna be right, even though they're wrong. It's sad.

• 2:21:01Kurt Metzger?

  I don't, I, I mean, I don't see how that's different from any other period.

• 2:21:05Duncan Trussell?

  I, I real, I know that there was a time when people would be happy to lose an argument because it meant now they were on the right path. These days, if you lose an argument, you're out, you want to kill the person. You just want to be wrong.

• 2:21:19Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that's the social media. Yeah, that's a different.

• 2:21:21Duncan Trussell?

  It's sad.

• 2:21:22Kurt Metzger?

  Well, you know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of, uh, clavicular, free, free clavicular.

• 2:21:28Duncan Trussell?

  Free clavicular, guys.

• 2:21:30Kurt Metzger?

  But you see how he's trying to like crypto tokenize every like angle of his face?

• 2:21:35Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:21:36Kurt Metzger?

  That's what that is. So it's, doesn't really matter who's right or wrong. It's the idea of perception is what's right and that we have to win that perception battle.

• 2:21:43Duncan Trussell?

  So sad.

• 2:21:44Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it's, it's the dark, you're, you're going down the dark, um, the tree of death.

• 2:21:50Duncan Trussell?

  It's just.

• 2:21:50Kurt Metzger?

  That's the tree of death. That's one of the tunnels in the thing. I mean, don't do that.

• 2:21:54Duncan Trussell?

  It used to be.

• 2:21:54Kurt Metzger?

  How much that's what you're into then?

• 2:21:55Duncan Trussell?

  If you, if you were in a passionate philosophical argument, you were actually helping society because once one of you realized you're wrong, you would just be like, oh my God, you're, you're, I was wrong. And then everything gets better. Because you, because now we're back on the path.

• 2:22:12Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. But you know what you sound like? You sound like the kind of non adept fool who comes instead of just gooning and holding it in for power.

• 2:22:20Duncan Trussell?

  I do that. I come. I don't hold it in for power.

• 2:22:23Kurt Metzger?

  Well, that's why you said that. There you go. So, so it's like, no, I don't want it to get better. It's like, uh, I knew a dude that he always liked the type of chick that would like.

• 2:22:31Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not gooning. I'm not gonna like, I'm not gonna fuck.

• 2:22:33Kurt Metzger?

  Gooning without coming is the, the magic. That's the chi built. That fight, by the way, years later, I learned that in Fist of the North Star, their chi.

• 2:22:40Duncan Trussell?

  That's just an excuse.

• 2:22:41Kurt Metzger?

  That's their fucking backed up jizz. I'm not making that up. That's what it is.

• 2:22:44Duncan Trussell?

  Ugh. That's an excuse to watch porn.

• 2:22:46Kurt Metzger?

  That's your karate juice. No, you're not supposed to come.

• 2:22:49Duncan Trussell?

  I know, but the point is like people who like to watch porn trick themselves into thinking they're extending their orgasm. When it's really all you're doing is just watching so much porn. Like if you really have to come, just come.

• 2:23:00Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know what Hasidic Jews are doing when they daven back and forth?

• 2:23:04Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 2:23:04Kurt Metzger?

  Working up their jizz, they're gooning without touching themselves and engaging in, uh, sex with shakina, the female aspect.

• 2:23:12Duncan Trussell?

  That will make you.

• 2:23:13Kurt Metzger?

  Holding in their sexual energy. So, but all of these things are that. That's like Gandhi when he sleeps with his niece.

• 2:23:20Duncan Trussell?

  I've had that happen.

• 2:23:21Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, can I sleep with my niece without touching her?

• 2:23:24Duncan Trussell?

  I've had that happen from like, not, not nieces, but when you're.

• 2:23:27Kurt Metzger?

  Gandhi did it with his niece.

• 2:23:28Duncan Trussell?

  When you're chanting mantras.

• 2:23:30Kurt Metzger?

  You guys see this niece though?

• 2:23:31Duncan Trussell?

  When you're chanting mantras and you start rocking like this. You know?

• 2:23:38Duncan Trussell?

  You, you can start feeling this kind of like pulsing, climbing the ropes.

• 2:23:42Kurt Metzger?

  There's jerk off energy going up your spine instead of out your hand. Now God intended.

• 2:23:46Duncan Trussell?

  That does happen. I can confirm.

• 2:23:48Kurt Metzger?

  So I'm not making that up. Holding your jizz until it pops your top fucking, you get Kundalini fucking sickness.

• 2:23:55Duncan Trussell?

  Pretty awesome.

• 2:23:56Kurt Metzger?

  I don't think so. I think it ruined a lot of lives.

• 2:23:58Duncan Trussell?

  I mean, yeah.

• 2:23:59Kurt Metzger?

  Does edging make you more powerful? Uh, it makes your, I don't know. I told you, I wasted all my, I don't like. I don't make a ritual out of it.

• 2:24:08Duncan Trussell?

  How do I grow my taint?

• 2:24:11Kurt Metzger?

  I don't know, man. Honestly, God, I don't fucking know. But I know they got the tech to grow it and they don't want to share with you.

• 2:24:17Duncan Trussell?

  You don't have to.

• 2:24:18Kurt Metzger?

  Oh, sign up for, uh, sign up for the military because we need bodies. And if you want tits and a new taint, we'll pay for it. So.

• 2:24:24Duncan Trussell?

  I'm pretty sure just doing splits will stretch your taint.

• 2:24:28Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, but which, which way? Lengthwise or?

• 2:24:30Duncan Trussell?

  Either way.

• 2:24:32Kurt Metzger?

  You want width or just?

• 2:24:33Duncan Trussell?

  Both. You should do all compass points.

• 2:24:35Kurt Metzger?

  Which one would you prefer? Width or height?

• 2:24:39Duncan Trussell?

  I, I don't know. I'd have to, I don't know.

• 2:24:40Kurt Metzger?

  Taint girth is a weird one. That's like you ride horses or something.

• 2:24:43Duncan Trussell?

  I think probably.

• 2:24:47Duncan Trussell?

  Width. Width is, no, wait, no. You want to do height?

• 2:24:52Kurt Metzger?

  Uh.

• 2:24:53Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not sure. I'm the wrong person to ask. I'm just an old long taint. I take my long taint for granted.

• 2:24:59Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, I didn't know that they were changing the kids so they can't tell, um.

• 2:25:03Duncan Trussell?

  Wasn't even a thing. You were ashamed of your taint in the old days.

• 2:25:06Kurt Metzger?

  You can't tell that Dunkin's not making a threat, but in fact liberating, threatening him with a good time if.

• 2:25:11Duncan Trussell?

  Give me a fucking break.

• 2:25:14Kurt Metzger?

  He's gonna, he's gonna taint your dick with his hand. That's what he wants to do.

• 2:25:16Duncan Trussell?

  Tim has kids. I would never, seriously, I don't want anything bad to happen to that dude. I don't want anything to happen to anybody bad. Yeah, he does. He's, yeah. I don't want anything bad to happen to him or anyone for that matter. Seth Simons, shame on you. Shame on you.

• 2:25:32Kurt Metzger?

  But that's a, I mean, also me neither, but I mean, that is up to the state. When the state eventually, once America.

• 2:25:37Duncan Trussell?

  The state decides to do it, it's out of my hands.

• 2:25:38Kurt Metzger?

  When America reawakens to traditional values and then they clean house.

• 2:25:41Duncan Trussell?

  That's out of my hands.

• 2:25:42Kurt Metzger?

  Well, it's not up to me.

• 2:25:44Duncan Trussell?

  That's out of my hands.

• 2:25:45Kurt Metzger?

  Am I gonna support it? I don't know. We'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

• 2:25:48Duncan Trussell?

  I'm not, I, I.

• 2:25:49Kurt Metzger?

  It's not off the table.

• 2:25:50Duncan Trussell?

  All I know is that if you were dragged into the hall of judgment, Seth Simons, I'd be like, don't you touch a hair on that man's head.

• 2:25:57Kurt Metzger?

  Have you seen a Handmaid's Tale?

• 2:25:59Duncan Trussell?

  Have you?

• 2:26:00Kurt Metzger?

  It's not gonna be that liberal bullshit. It's gonna be conservative for once.

• 2:26:04Duncan Trussell?

  I think, wasn't Handmaid's Tale conservative?

• 2:26:07Kurt Metzger?

  Did you know, I swear this is try pitches to Rob Schneider as a movie idea?

• 2:26:10Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 2:26:11Kurt Metzger?

  And he wasn't into it.

• 2:26:12Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 2:26:13Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. It was called A Hand Job's Tale.

• 2:26:17Duncan Trussell?

  What is it?

• 2:26:17Kurt Metzger?

  You know Job?

• 2:26:18Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah, sure.

• 2:26:19Kurt Metzger?

  From the Bible. So Rob Schneider, this is my pitch. I don't know why you didn't think this was good. So this is when Trump had just won the election.

• 2:26:27Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:26:28Kurt Metzger?

  Um, and, um, so Rob Schneider, he's one of the celebrities that said, um, I'm going to leave America if Trump wins. But he was the only celebrity to actually foolishly keep his promise.

• 2:26:37Duncan Trussell?

  Oh no.

• 2:26:38Kurt Metzger?

  Okay. So he goes to.

• 2:26:41Kurt Metzger?

  He goes to his South America and he's, and, um, it's almost like Buck Rogers opening, like he, um, goes to freeze his sperm for later, you know, and he falls into the nitrous tank of the, through a sperm and he's frozen.

• 2:26:54Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:26:55Kurt Metzger?

  And he wakes up in a future.

• 2:26:56Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, he falls into a tank of, he's frozen in a, in a tank of jizz?

• 2:27:01Kurt Metzger?

  Well, then night, the tank where he was supposed to store his jizz, some, some wacky fucking Deuce Bigalow thing happens and he's frozen.

• 2:27:08Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, sure, sure, sure.

• 2:27:09Kurt Metzger?

  He wakes up in a nightmare future where fourth, fifth and sixth wave feminine feminism have conquered the US. Okay. So it's just like a Handmaid's Tale. The Republic of Gilead, but it's something like, I don't know.

• 2:27:23Duncan Trussell?

  Dudes are the ones who are conservative.

• 2:27:25Kurt Metzger?

  There's some dumb shit, but, but, uh, and I also were explaining, there's a part in the beginning where we explained that the feminist who wrote this, she always hated a Handmaid's Tale for being, and she always hated, uh, basically this is not a dystopia, this movie. We want to stress that. This is her Star Trek. And so Rob comes to, okay, and he meets a guy, there's a guy who's like a, um, uh, Sly Stallone manly guy who's cracking under the pressure of this.

• 2:27:52Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:27:52Kurt Metzger?

  The women, uh, first of all.

• 2:27:54Duncan Trussell?

  What do you mean? Like a Tony Soprano dude who's like living at the Handmaid's?

• 2:27:58Kurt Metzger?

  Sly, yeah, yeah. And he can't, his mind snaps. Cause he's not set for this. And there's a guy who talks really, really, okay, wait, and there's another guy that, that Rob Schneider befriends who, who talks really gay. And his name is spelled Guy Tough Gay.

• 2:28:12Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 2:28:14Kurt Metzger?

  That's how it looks when they're, when they're doing roll call of the man, the Hand Job's. She goes Guy Tough Gay goes, actually it's Guy Touffay.

• 2:28:21Duncan Trussell?

  Okay. So you got the gay dude, you have the Tony Soprano guy.

• 2:28:24Kurt Metzger?

  He's not gay. He was raised. His, his voice, you would miss, Rob from our time would think he's gay, but actually he's one of the straightest men in the whole Hand Job.

• 2:28:32Duncan Trussell?

  Okay.

• 2:28:33Kurt Metzger?

  Because he was raised by two lesbians, uh, on like a dog farm and one of them was really butch and really.

• 2:28:39Duncan Trussell?

  A dog farm?

• 2:28:40Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, really misogynist and butch.

• 2:28:42Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, what's a dog farm?

• 2:28:44Kurt Metzger?

  You know, where they can like retrain dogs and, uh, work with dogs. It just, it's a lesbian job. It could be whatever you want.

• 2:28:50Duncan Trussell?

  I just want to watch a movie about two lesbians raising a kid on a dog farm.

• 2:28:55Kurt Metzger?

  You know.

• 2:28:55Duncan Trussell?

  That's the movie.

• 2:28:56Kurt Metzger?

  A dog's gonna be a cat farm? That's a joke. His mom and daddy would be.

• 2:28:59Duncan Trussell?

  Throw away all the Handmaid's Tale shit. If you made a movie about two lesbians raising a dude on a dog farm, you would have a hit.

• 2:29:08Kurt Metzger?

  Really?

• 2:29:09Duncan Trussell?

  That's eight twenty-four, baby. You could pitch that to eight.

• 2:29:12Kurt Metzger?

  I like to do eight twenty-four's to do one fuck Chris Hansen.

• 2:29:15Duncan Trussell?

  Which Aaron, by the way, has pointed, has been pointing out, is this kind of saying, yeah, pedophilia is bad. But Chris Hansen, way worse. Is that kind of what they're trying to say?

• 2:29:27Kurt Metzger?

  The only one saying that, it, it's literally kind of saying that.

• 2:29:30Duncan Trussell?

  Is that what they're doing?

• 2:29:31Kurt Metzger?

  But I want to point this out, not to, now they only made 20 episodes, uh, episodes of that show. Cause a guy killed himself at the one. And, um, look, if, uh, all this independent, um, pedile hunting was going, was so great to be a lot more like arrests and convictions than there are.

• 2:29:48Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:29:49Kurt Metzger?

  But all, all TV Dateline you were talking about, it's all the same exploitive. What I think happened and, and Chris Hansen, he's got his own shady things, but that having been said, I think this has to do with Roblox and that, um, security guy. Now, wasn't Netanyahu's security is with him all the time? It's a guy with Netanyahu's in town, who's American that always works at the CIA.

• 2:30:11Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:30:11Kurt Metzger?

  Which I think guilty motherfucker, because that's like your guy that gets you coke in the city.

• 2:30:16Duncan Trussell?

  Wait, can we pull up the trailer for this? Let's just watch it real quick. Cause Aaron's really been like pointing this out.

• 2:30:22Kurt Metzger?

  He's very sympathetic to the worst one they caught. They caught this rabbi who was into young boys.

• 2:30:26Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:30:27Kurt Metzger?

  One of the worst ones they caught.

• 2:30:28Duncan Trussell?

  It feels like it's sympathetic towards pediles. Can we pull up the trailer for this though? Cause, cause like it really.

• 2:30:34Kurt Metzger?

  Rabbi David Kay.

• 2:30:35Duncan Trussell?

  It really feels like some kind of pedophilia, ped like apologetics or something.

• 2:30:41Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I thought the, the way this sting worked, if you remember, somebody's pretending to be a child, right?

• 2:30:47Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:30:47Kurt Metzger?

  Or, or whatever age, like some of them were older than others.

• 2:30:50Duncan Trussell?

  Can't we just admit it's, it's, it's always bad to abuse children?

• 2:30:55Kurt Metzger?

  Well, I don't know. I, I, I'd like to check with Seth Simons first before I say something like that. Seth, if you think it's okay, I, I want to know what you follow this.

• 2:31:06Duncan Trussell?

  But it's kinda making-

• 2:31:07Kurt Metzger?

  Oh wait, it won what? What did it win? Oh, that's right. I have, you know, I have to watch it, but it's like weird that you'd have to feel bad. Oh, wait, I forgot the craziest part. Hold on. Do you know the craziest part? We just covered this yesterday.

• 2:31:20Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 2:31:21Kurt Metzger?

  So Jeff Zucker from CNN?

• 2:31:25Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:31:25Kurt Metzger?

  Does that seem Jeff Zucker?

• 2:31:26Duncan Trussell?

  Jeff Zucker, yeah.

• 2:31:28Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, so he plays himself in this movie.

• 2:31:31Duncan Trussell?

  What?

• 2:31:32Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah. So the guy that really did work with Chris Hansen and talk to him has a fake conversation that never happened with fake Chris Hansen.

• 2:31:41Duncan Trussell?

  Oh no shit.

• 2:31:42Kurt Metzger?

  But, I mean, what? Dude, you know how weird that is?

• 2:31:46Duncan Trussell?

  That's weird.

• 2:31:46Kurt Metzger?

  He's a, he's a, he's the predator.

• 2:31:49Duncan Trussell?

  He's a predator. They're more of a predator than the people who-

• 2:31:51Kurt Metzger?

  I used to have a joke about this, actually, okay? Because at the time, now, I will say this, flat out. They're going after him, they never cared about all, like, the retarded guy. They cared because he caught a couple of people he shouldn't have, and he was just kicked off of Roblox at a live tech event.

• 2:32:09Duncan Trussell?

  What was that? What the fuck was that?

• 2:32:11Kurt Metzger?

  So, so, hey, let's say Chris Hansen's that shitty guy that they're portraying in that, right? Still don't matter, dude. Why are you so afraid of him, then?

• 2:32:18Duncan Trussell?

  He stopped kids from getting hurt.

• 2:32:20Kurt Metzger?

  Now, you know what Roblox is, right? It's the grind, it's grinder for adults and kids to meet.

• 2:32:24Duncan Trussell?

  Yes.

• 2:32:25Kurt Metzger?

  And Roblox cannot police, they literally, if they police it properly, it will ruin their business.

• 2:32:31Duncan Trussell?

  They can't do it.

• 2:32:32Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, and, and it's, and again, like-

• 2:32:34Duncan Trussell?

  They can't do it, it's impossible.

• 2:32:35Kurt Metzger?

  Uh, Kiwi Farms, and I, and I'm probably even saying it not even as right, I would say that dude from Kiwi Farms nails what it is. As soon as I saw what they were doing. So, wait, so they, they inflate their price with, uh, for investors, right? With all these guy, people in it. So the numbers need to be a certain number, and if they started cutting their predators out? It turns out that shit drops.

• 2:32:57Duncan Trussell?

  They lose money.

• 2:32:59Kurt Metzger?

  Right. And, and, and if you would do that, like, if you would do that on a scale of that Roblox is doing that? You want to do that. It's not incompetence and greed.

• 2:33:09Duncan Trussell?

  Okay, wait, can I say, real quick, let me just say something. As a parent, if you let your kids on Roblox, you're out of your fucking mind. Do not let your kids use Roblox. Are you fucking crazy? Ban it.

• 2:33:24Kurt Metzger?

  Well, just to meet new people is fine.

• 2:33:25Duncan Trussell?

  No, it's not! Do not let your kids on Roblox. Stop doing that, parents. Seriously, it's gonna be annoying. It's a few days of your kids freaking out, but isn't your kids freaking out for a few days better than them getting groomed by online fucking p-

• 2:33:44Kurt Metzger?

  Not if they want to be president one day.

• 2:33:48Kurt Metzger?

  If you want to make it to the top of the, and be a world leader?

• 2:33:51Duncan Trussell?

  It's, you don't want your kid to be president! Who wants that?

• 2:33:54Kurt Metzger?

  It's called being a Rhodes-

• 2:33:55Duncan Trussell?

  You don't want that.

• 2:33:56Kurt Metzger?

  A Rhodes Scholar.

• 2:33:57Duncan Trussell?

  Get your kids off Roblox. Today.

• 2:33:59Kurt Metzger?

  Yo, if you wanna, hey, the tunnel of Typhon leads to a Rhodes Scholarship.

• 2:34:04Duncan Trussell?

  Get your kids off Roblox. Guys, seriously, get them off Roblox. It's demonic technology. Stop.

• 2:34:11Kurt Metzger?

  Okay, well, they banned Chris Hansen because they probably saw this terrible movie about him.

• 2:34:14Duncan Trussell?

  What happened with Chris Hansen? Can we watch him getting-

• 2:34:17Kurt Metzger?

  Do you know what happened with Chris Hansen?

• 2:34:18Duncan Trussell?

  On Roblox? No, what happened?

• 2:34:21Kurt Metzger?

  Like Live, this guy's showing how bad Roblox is, and Chris Hansen has his name on there, and as they're doing it, Roblox, their response was, I guess, to call their other offices in India and have those guys go, "Cut the feed!"

• 2:34:33Duncan Trussell?

  Wow. Wow.

• 2:34:35Kurt Metzger?

  Hey, you've heard of 764, right?

• 2:34:38Duncan Trussell?

  No.

• 2:34:39Kurt Metzger?

  Have you?

• 2:34:40Duncan Trussell?

  What's 764?

• 2:34:42Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, uh, now, this is, I bet Seth Simons, Seth Simons knows about this.

• 2:34:48Duncan Trussell?

  It's a decentralized, transnational extremist online network that targets children and vulnerable individuals through gaming platforms and social media for sex extortion, blackmail, and coerced violence. Ugh.

• 2:35:01Kurt Metzger?

  Now, cut to, if we even make it 20 years later, you're gonna hear how there was a panic online about, there was an online satanic panic with this group that they said was a big deal, but it wasn't. And then a bunch of Asian kids went to jail, and 7, and you'll see the documentary about how 764, oh, why did we panic?

• 2:35:19Duncan Trussell?

  Ah.

• 2:35:20Kurt Metzger?

  The original satanic panic, which if you think that was real, you are very, very stupid and did others.

• 2:35:25Duncan Trussell?

  This is what guillotines were made for, right?

• 2:35:27Kurt Metzger?

  Um, no, they were made, well, you know what? I wasn't there, I don't know. Uh, uh, so anyway, this is just an online version, and just think of it as demonic possession, but, but a tech version. Think of it as the lizard people harvesting loosh, but it's just computer-

• 2:35:44Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:35:45Kurt Metzger?

  All the metaphors could be whatever. I, I know it's hard for you, Seth, to understand metaphor and, um-

• 2:35:49Duncan Trussell?

  Don't listen to him, Seth. You understand-

• 2:35:50Kurt Metzger?

  No, I'm trying to help this kid, because I don't think he has to be how he is.

• 2:35:53Duncan Trussell?

  You don't need to bully Seth.

• 2:35:54Kurt Metzger?

  I think your brain could be fixed with a good bath.

• 2:35:57Duncan Trussell?

  Hot bath.

• 2:35:58Kurt Metzger?

  A good hot bath, clean that brain out.

• 2:36:00Duncan Trussell?

  Eucalyptus, honey.

• 2:36:03Kurt Metzger?

  Anyway-

• 2:36:04Duncan Trussell?

  Cheshire.

• 2:36:04Kurt Metzger?

  Ask your dumb shit liberal or, or fake American boutique leftist friends if they've heard of this.

• 2:36:10Duncan Trussell?

  Or break up with them.

• 2:36:11Kurt Metzger?

  And they have heard of it, and for some reason, this is okay to believe, but not that Michael Aquino was up to nothing. Isn't that weird?

• 2:36:19Duncan Trussell?

  Yeah.

• 2:36:20Kurt Metzger?

  Or, OTO is not a big deal.

• 2:36:24Duncan Trussell?

  You felt it, Seth. You felt the parting of the fucking clouds. You saw the light. It scared you. And then you plunged into your dogmatic thing, but-

• 2:36:33Kurt Metzger?

  And that's what we saw, that's, that's just what we picked up from the toilet cam.

• 2:36:36Duncan Trussell?

  I see you, baby.

• 2:36:38Kurt Metzger?

  Imagine in person when we learn about you.

• 2:36:40Duncan Trussell?

  It is scary. I think it's scary, too.

• 2:36:42Kurt Metzger?

  We got Chuck Berry cam in your toilet, Seth.

• 2:36:44Duncan Trussell?

  I will rub eucalyptus on your chest.

• 2:36:46Kurt Metzger?

  I hope you know that's not a joke. That's a promise.

• 2:36:50Kurt Metzger?

  Guys, why are you whispering? Can I not say that? Seth, we have a toilet cam installed in all your toilets.

• 2:36:55Duncan Trussell?

  You can say that. It's a bidet cam.

• 2:36:57Kurt Metzger?

  It's a bidet cam. So we gotta go through the tunnels of Seth Simon.

• 2:37:03Duncan Trussell?

  Come on. Why are you bullying him?

• 2:37:05Kurt Metzger?

  I hope you won't think of me as a pest.

• 2:37:06Duncan Trussell?

  You're bullying him. Right now, I'm telling you, he's fragile. Like, he's feeling some of this a little bit. It, it's like when the pebble hits the windshield. The cracks are happening now.

• 2:37:16Kurt Metzger?

  Where's the grabber?

• 2:37:19Duncan Trussell?

  Well, do we wrap it up? Is this long enough? Should we go?

• 2:37:23Kurt Metzger?

  Yeah, let's get the hell out of here.

• 2:37:24Duncan Trussell?

  We gotta get, I gotta get out of here.

• 2:37:25Kurt Metzger?

  All right, uh-

• 2:37:26Duncan Trussell?

  God bless you all.

• 2:37:27Kurt Metzger?

  Welcome to our garden.

• 2:37:30Duncan Trussell?

  I love you guys. Thanks for watching. We're with you till the end.