Drake Mayday, a Raiders Revival, Bleakest 0-3 Teams, MLB Playoffs, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal

The Ringer’s Bill Simmons is joined by Cousin Sal to react to the Rams-Broncos 'SNF' game before recapping the rest of the matchups of Week 3 and going on to Guess the Lines for Week 4. (0:00) Intro (1:08) Rams-Broncos (7:34) Ravens-Cowboys and Patriots-Jaguars (27:14) Raiders-Saints and Texans-Colts (33:45) Chargers-Bills and Seahawks-Commanders (39:49) Vikings-Bucs and Cardinals-49ers (46:31) Chiefs-Dolphins and Bengals-Steelers (52:57) Panthers-Browns (54:45) Guess the Lines Week 4 (01:20:10) MLB playoffs (01:28:49) Parent Corner Host: Bill Simmons Guest: Cousin Sal Producers: Chia Hao Tat, Eduardo Ocampo, and Chris Wohlers Brought to you by PayPal. Learn more at https://paypal.com The Ringer is committed to responsible gaming. Please visit https://fanduel.com/playwithaplan to learn more about the resources and helplines. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Bill Simmons?

  This episode is brought to you by PayPal. The holiday rush is coming and you can get ahead of it with PayPal. Shop your favorite online stores with PayPal this season like eBay for collectibles, Fanatics for teen gear, Walmart for tech. Check out the flexibility to pay now or pay later and split your payments with Pay in four with no interest, no late fees. Shop now with PayPal. Paying for subject to approval. Learn more at paypal.com slash paying for PayPal, Inc., NMLS 910457.

• 0:39Bill Simmons?

  The Bill Simmons Podcast is presented by FanDuel. The NFL is here and it's the most rewarding season ever on FanDuel with the all time FanDuel Rewards Club. Every eligible bet can earn you points. Win or lose, you still get points. The more points, the bigger the rewards you can unlock. Head to FanDuel.com slash BS to start earning with FanDuel Rewards Club. 21 plus select states or 18 plus DC or Wyoming. Game prob call 1-800-GAMBLER, call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat in Connecticut.

• 1:36Bill Simmons?

  This stream is brought to you by the Farmer's Dog, the official pet food of the NFL. The Bill Simmons Podcast, live on Netflix. It is almost midnight here on the East Coast. Cousin Sal and I, he's in New York, I'm in Boston. The only thing we were hoping for was no overtime game or no long Rams Broncos game. And we got it. We got a nice long one. I'm groggy. Both of our teams had horrible days. Should mention new rewatchables coming tomorrow. 13 going on 30 and you're going to be on Ringer, Ringer Wise Guys all week. There you go. All right, before we get to our pathetic teams and a day of mostly a bloodbath from

• 2:19Bill Simmons?

  a gambling standpoint, Rams Broncos. What a fun game.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  That was good.

• 2:24Bill Simmons?

  Good times. Broncos scored 30 points in the second half. We had a Fongga pick six. We had a Stafford TD bomb. And then we had the sketchiest call of the season, a Rams PI that, that kept the Broncos drive alive that did not seem like a PI when it happened. And then on the replay, definitely was in a PI. It was such a bad call that Terry McCullough, they go to him in the, in the, in the booth. He's like, yeah, I don't think that was PI, which never happens.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  He quit. He turned in his resignation. What is that, what's that word? I can't even speak.

• 2:58Bill Simmons?

  Resignation.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. And it looked like it was that call was like in the second row. I'm like, he's not getting that, but what is that nonsense? But yeah, I mean, Bill, you're just, you're not going to see Matthew Stafford make too many mistakes.

• 3:12Bill Simmons?

  Thanks, Chris. I know he was MVP last year.

• 3:16Bill Simmons?

  I love Collins, oh, Matthew Stafford, he throws a pick six. And then Torrico gives us the Matthew Stafford, our career leader in pick six is at 33.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  Did they stop the game? They should have stopped the game. Anytime you break.

• 3:29Bill Simmons?

  They stopped the game and then they gave the trophy to somebody else right in the other way. How does Jameis Winston not own that? Maybe he can get it this year.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 3:36Bill Simmons?

  That should be one of his goals. So I, look, the Rams are now one and two. I'm not that worried about them. And we've seen that Denver playbook before where a team takes lead in the first half and then the altitude and Bo Nix does the Jekyll and Hyde thing. Like we, I feel like I've watched that game 12 times in the last two years. He's got to lead the league in the last two years in almost picks that get dropped. And Denver wins, Denver's two and one. I'm not worried about the Rams yet, are you?

• 4:07Speaker 01

  No, not really. I thought they played well. I, I took them first half only because of the, really, I don't know. I don't think there's a script in the NFL, but I, I did feel like, well, this is a Bo Nix comeback. I don't know why it takes him to the third quarter to wake up, but.

• 4:21Bill Simmons?

  Why didn't you do the Sal special? Did you look at it?

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I should have. I should have. I should have gone Rams first half.

• 4:27Bill Simmons?

  Plus 850, right?

• 4:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, that would have been bad. But yeah, they, they both play well. Look, I'm rooting for teams that I like to see now because I think there's going to be some lousy opportunities for, for lousy teams to sneak it, like the Raiders and who else in the AFC that could.

• 4:44Bill Simmons?

  Oh my God, there's so much bad football today. Yeah. That's the thing, the Rams, even though Nix was terrible in the first half, but it did feel like a football game, which did not have much in common with a lot of the stuff that we watched today. I mean, that probably Bucks Vikings was the nadir where it just, it was just three plays, punt, three plays, punt, going back and forth. Nobody could do anything, but a lot to talk about.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Well, I was thinking, I was thinking this, this week especially, you usually get one of the top five guys make a move towards, more towards the top of the MVP rankings. Today, like Stafford was okay, you know, but, but also bad at times. Mahomes, right? Josh Allen probably had what, what would be like a bad Josh Allen game. I don't know if I'm forgetting anybody, but it's like, it was really a good day for Jameer Gibbs, I guess, climbing up the MVP ranks.

• 5:35Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Jameer Gibbs, there's some good historical stuff with him. Well, I think, I think that would have been a worse loss for Denver than a worse loss for the Rams. Cause I don't know what's going on in the AFC, but there's, it feels like at least six teams that are going to be in double figures for wins. And then we don't know what we're getting with the Patriots and a couple other, and the Texans are 0-3 now, but it feels like the NFC is a little more wide open. Here were our winning quarterbacks today included Jameis Winston, Marcus Mariota, the Sean of the Dead, Deshaun Watson, Kirk Cousins, Kyler Murray, and washed Aaron Rodgers. All W's today. So if, if you wondered if the general public won in gambling today, there's your answer.

• 6:20Bill Simmons?

  They didn't.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  No. Yeah, it was, I think this is almost impossible data to win, but add to that, just too heartbreaking. Our team should be relegated from the NFL losses. And then it's like, yeah, from the NFL, but, but you know, get six hours later at midnight, I get to talk about it with my buddy. We could all relive it again.

• 6:39Bill Simmons?

  You still seem shell shocked. We have, so I mentioned the six QBs that won. We have Daniels, Caleb and Darter all hurt. And we have Herbert, May, Nix and Mayfield, although Nix rallied in the second half of this game. We're all definitely kind of struggling, but the 0-3 teams now, Dolphins and Titans would have, would have predicted that. Do you want to cross off the Titans now? We crossed off the Dolphins last week.

• 7:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. I almost, I almost don't think it's fair to, to put the Dolphins in a class by themselves. Yeah.

• 7:08Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Make room.

• 7:09Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 7:10Bill Simmons?

  So Titans are our second cross off team. The Bucks are 0-3. Chargers are 0-3, which is certainly surprising, not improbable, but surprising. Texans 0-3 is shocking. I don't really fully understand it, so we'll talk about that game in a second.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Bucks, Chargers, Texans were the team, like expected to get it to double digits, right? And they're all in three.

• 7:32Bill Simmons?

  Three sexy preseason picks. Then we have two teams that I think are officially reeling, the Patriots and the Green Bay Packers. If you look at the missed playoff stuff, the Patriots are even odds right now on FanDuel to miss the playoffs, plus 100.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Saw that.

• 7:50Bill Simmons?

  I don't really understand that. I thought it was going to be like plus or minus like 170, something like that. Jacksonville's plus 188 to miss the playoffs. Cincinnati's plus 260. And then in the NFC, Seattle's plus 190, Minnesota's plus 200, Detroit's plus 205. So everybody's feeling out where we're going. You want to start with your team or my team?

• 8:09Speaker 01

  Sure, let's get it out of the way. I mean, I don't know. Well, also I don't know what to say.

• 8:15Bill Simmons?

  All right, we'll do your team.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:19Bill Simmons?

  A clock management strategy fiasco so bad that Mike Tomlin said, fuck it. Yeah. I know, I know on TV, there's like a rule in place that the coaches aren't supposed to skewer the other coaches, but at, and he's been great at halftime of the NBC game tonight. Killed Dallas on punting it for a touchback, leaving the door open for the 27 yard pass to set up the field goal. And didn't even mention all the other stuff that you had first and goal from the one, you somehow went backwards. You somehow didn't burn enough clock that even set up the kickoff in the first place. Then he did the one thing he couldn't do was, was the touchback out of bounds. But this has been the Brian Schottenheimer. This is, I know he's rallied the team, everybody likes him, but the game management has been bad this entire time, right?

• 9:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, I think you just covered it. Okay, let's do your team now and then.

• 9:09Bill Simmons?

  That's it, you got nothing?

• 9:10Speaker 01

  First off, Mike Tomlin is, is great. He's excellent so far. Maybe he'll disappoint. It almost makes me mad. I want to shake him, but damn it, you, you stuck in there for nine and eight for every year. Like we could have had like 10 years of you, like, you know, this, this would have been fun.

• 9:24Bill Simmons?

  That's a great point. Why didn't we get this in like 2018? You're just coaching nine and eight teams and shit quarterbacks for almost a decade.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  Roethlisberger throwing screen passes to the fullback for the last four years of his career. But yeah, this is disgusting and they lost to the Giants. So that was a different kind of loss because you just don't like losing to the Giants. But I forgot what it was really like for a Cowboys loss. And I think part of it.

• 9:48Bill Simmons?

  Because they sucked you in with the goal line stand.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:50Bill Simmons?

  That's where you were like, oh, this is a different Cowboys team. Here we go. Let's get, we're showing, growing some chest hair right now. And then you blew it.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  They stopped Derrick Henry, right? In the second half, like, oh, this is great. This is it. And this is how the Ravens are supposed to lose. This is how they did it with Harbaugh, is how they're doing it with the new coach. Like they're up double digits, like this is, and then I feel like, oh yeah, this is how the Cowboys lose games too. I completely forgot. And you know, I was watching about a bunch of rowdy Cowboys fans and the fans all over the place out here, but you know, I thought the clock management was okay until the last few seconds. Schottenheimer was bad with the kickoff and the timeout and everything else towards the end, but. Dak screwed that up. Like, I haven't wanted to blame him for a loss in a while, but he's got Pickens wide open, right at the pylon, and he sails it into the sixth row.

• 10:40Bill Simmons?

  Well, that was on third down. The first down play, if you're gonna attack it play by play.

• 10:45Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 10:45Bill Simmons?

  You have to run the ball on first down to at least get the clock moving.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  Right.

• 10:49Bill Simmons?

  Which they, instead, they threw like that, you know, low percentage corner pass. They don't get it. Then he takes the delay game or whatever, the, whatever happened, false start where they had to move back six yards. Then he gets basically sacked. Then they have to do the, the Pickens play where he was just, I didn't even know what that play was because he was open. It was a touchdown.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  Well, Schottenheimer said he's taught, he's taught to throw it away. He's taught to throw it away if he doesn't like what he sees. So you don't like a wide open receiver? Yeah, you get rid of that.

• 11:19Bill Simmons?

  Like wide open George Pickens, ready to catch a touchdown?

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Knock over a concession guy. Yeah, that's what you have to do. But, and then on the kickoff, man, I know it was like Schottenheimer, like you could have gotten it down to like five seconds or, or, or less, you know, but, um, I almost feel like Brandon Aubrey has to be the smartest guy on the team. So also, kick that to the two, you know, just do it.

• 11:38Bill Simmons?

  Right. You have the best kickoff guy in the league.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Right. Yeah. Best everything. As soon as his ball, his foot hits that ball. So, um, I really didn't think, I, I was shocked that they ran a play there. It really looked like, at first, the Ravens were gonna bunch up and just take a knee or something, then like take their chances in overtime. And I wasn't even really doing the math on just like a long completion and bounds, but there's so much wrong with that. Like, I know receivers can give themselves up and then the clock stops automatically, but why are you even touching him down with seven seconds left in the middle of the field, you know?

• 12:10Bill Simmons?

  Thomas did a good job talking about the umbrella coverage versus what they did and how stupid it was, basically.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I just, I, it did, did not occur to me that they would be able to kick a field goal there. There was, they, there was so little time and I've watched so many games and it was in fact, like back to back field goals in 10 seconds had never, I don't think happened before. I think that's the stat for that. So, um, so there you go.

• 12:32Bill Simmons?

  It's not like their kicker, it's not like they have Justin Tucker in the late 2010s here. This kicker was pretty embattled in the preseason.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:40Bill Simmons?

  He's playing on a weird field in Brazil. I, I actually didn't think he was gonna make it. All of a sudden, the game's over and he's running into the corner like he's a soccer player. And I, the good news for you, I think, from a Dallas standpoint is, I thought those teams were pretty interchangeable and pretty even.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 12:57Bill Simmons?

  Like, you're not a top level team, but you're definitely circling between second and third level, I think. Cause you can move the ball and you can get stops.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Third level of hell, maybe. Speaking of, the, the worst is, I have to hear Jason Garrett's, he's the first voice I hear after the loss.

• 13:12Bill Simmons?

  I know.

• 13:13Speaker 01

  I'd much rather hear yours and Kyle's. Like, I don't know.

• 13:16Bill Simmons?

  Anybody's.

• 13:17Speaker 01

  Just awful.

• 13:18Bill Simmons?

  Well, so where did you watch the game? Can we get a little intel on you in New York City? Cause you're in, you're in Brooklyn, cause Jimmy's got shows in Brooklyn all week, so you're there.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Jimmy came alive all week. Uh, yeah, Monday through Friday out here. We always go to a bar in Brooklyn and, um, the bar, I, I reserve like a little room with like four tables and it's nice. They put the games on however I want. It was gonna be a little challenging today because the Jets and Giants played at one, which we hadn't dealt with before. But, uh, I was excited. And then the guy calls me at like, uh, 8:30, the, the bar owner is like, we're closed. Too much flooding. I'm like, oh shit, 8:30 is like 5:30 in the morning, because I just got here yesterday. I'm like, oh my God. So now I'm scrambling. I'm like, do I find, is there a Dave and Buster's? What do I do here? We're gonna, so my buddy, brother, brother Bry, you know, brother Bry? I, I got in an Uber, I went to Long Island and I watched with the Parley Kid, Mikey Meatballs and all my, uh, friends back home. So, that was it.

• 14:10Bill Simmons?

  Oh, you did that? That's, that's, that's great.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  It's good. It's good. We all got together.

• 14:14Bill Simmons?

  That's a good win. I mean, if you'd been at the bar and, and the Cowboys had won, you could have done the De Niro, drinks a run, the house.

• 14:23Speaker 01

  That's right. That's on, uh, yeah, right. Yeah. Not even close. Too much flooding.

• 14:30Bill Simmons?

  So you got to experience, uh, actual, real, genuine sadness with some of your oldest friends.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's actually important, I think, every decade or so. Yeah. How about you? Where did you watch?

• 14:39Bill Simmons?

  That's a great story. Uh, I was in Boston. I watched the game with my dad and, uh, and I wrote down some of his quotes during the game.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  I'm guessing your game, the Jacksonville.

• 14:50Bill Simmons?

  Jacksonville, uh, he was very excited about the game. I did not think we were gonna win. I took the Jags from Ranger 107 and I thought something was seriously wrong with Drake May. Uh, his quotes in order, "It's like I'm watching Mac Jones again." That was, that was an actual quote. "I think Diana Rusini ruined our season." He said that. "Should we try to veto?" Question mark. Dead serious. Um, and then sadly, near the end, he said, he looked at me and he goes, you know, "It was so exciting to have a franchise quarterback, even if it was only for one year." Talks about past tense. It's completely out. Uh,

• 15:32Bill Simmons?

  we don't know what's going on with our quarterback. He has, I think, what's the number? Nine fumbles and 10 interceptions in his last seven games, uh, dating back to the start of the postseason. And, uh, Drake maybe is now done. Like, people were sending me emails, Drake maybe not, Drake maybe Mac Jones, Drake maybe getting benched. There's been a bunch of these now and, and this is your big victory today.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, I mean, if you're revving up for an apology, you don't have to. That's my birthday gift to you. Don't, don't even bother apologizing. I actually felt bad for him a little, like when a, um, when a hostage taker all of a sudden has feelings for the hostage. So.

• 16:12Bill Simmons?

  Oh. Like you wanted to sneak him a ham and cheese sandwich?

• 16:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, like I wanna, I wanna help you. I wanna help you out a little bit.

• 16:18Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Uh, this is tough, man.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:21Bill Simmons?

  Let me take that duct tape off for a second.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Just for a second. Don't tell anybody. So, I mean, I don't know what, you know, um, I guess you should have talked to your dad about Trinidad Chambly, C.J. Carr, uh, Arch Manning, or you're a Darian Mensah guy. Like, which way you look? Uh, I'm looking out for your team now. I want, I wanna help.

• 16:41Bill Simmons?

  Doug Clausen on Twitter said the Pats offense this year has 29 points on 30 drives, which is 0.97 per drive. Fewest point total for any team through three games since the 2021 Jets in the first three starts of Zach Wilson's career. That's how bad this has been. Um, and some of the worst decision interceptions. It doesn't seem like he's practiced with any of the receivers. The plays and the, uh, play calling matched with the personnel we have doesn't seem to work. We were predicting our plays from the couch, which is always a bad sign. It's like second and four, inside run. Uh, I don't know what, what they're doing with Trevion Henderson, who's the most exciting, running out on the

• 17:25Bill Simmons?

  side, screen pass, swing pass, sweep. All we do is run him inside so he can get knocked down, you know, for two yards to carry. Romeo Dobbs is on pace to become the most disliked Boston athlete in the last five years, including all the Red Sox, Celtics, Bruins guys. Uh, and May just has no confidence at all. And looking at his press conferences after makes it even worse. He's going out there. He's like, yeah, I'm a mess. He's basically saying like, I'm a mess. I don't know what's going on. I can't, I gotta fix this. I don't know, I don't know what I'm doing. He's missing throws that he made for four straight months last year. Um, and just doesn't look comfortable. Jacksonville's defense is terrible. It gets just not a good defense. Like, people were lighting it up. I, I'm gonna say it's in

• 18:09Bill Simmons?

  the bottom 10 to 12 defenses in the league.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  Really?

• 18:12Bill Simmons?

  And he made them look awesome.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. It is tough when you can't explain what's going on with your team. Like, my team is like, well, this is our team. This is what we do all the time. Your team is like, I don't know. Oh, you really wanted to pick up where you left off in the regular season, right? And then just consider the three, four week playoff.

• 18:32Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, and it's like, he's healthy, the offensive line's better. Now, he doesn't have A.J. Brown, so he doesn't have.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  Right.

• 18:38Bill Simmons?

  Last year he had.

• 18:38Speaker 01

  Didn't have him last year. Yeah.

• 18:39Bill Simmons?

  Um, last year he had Diggs and Booty, and Booty was a good deep threat. And Diggs was like his over the middle, like 10 yards down guy. I don't know who he's throwing to now. Um, but it's weird. It's almost like being a parent when you have kids and you think your kids have, when they're younger, and you think that your kids have figured it out. And then all of a sudden, they start doing stupid shit again. I'm like, wait, why, why'd we go backwards? I thought we graduated to this level and now we're back here. What, what happened? What did I miss? He's back to where he was as a rookie and I don't understand it.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  Really?

• 19:11Bill Simmons?

  Like, really terrible. Like, really bad. Like, that last interception he threw in the end zone, first of all, he's throwing it to Chisholm, who's like our sixth receiver. And then he's not even open and he could have run it in. Like, every single part of the decision was awful. And, uh, and I just don't think Jacksonville's defense is good. Like, he shouldn't look like that against them.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  No, no doubt about it. I don't know. I don't even know what to say. I, I find myself feeling bad for him now. I'll, I'll say something snarky on Twitter once in a while. But also that, uh, weird old ghoul, uh, Skip Bayless is now claiming Drake maybe. And so I might move on from that name. It made a commercial of it too, so.

• 19:50Bill Simmons?

  Skip Bayless is doing the Drake maybe now?

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. He says Drake maybe. And then like, in all the comments, it's like, yeah, credit cut and sal, credit cut and sal, but whatever. I just, now it's, now it's like yucky.

• 20:01Bill Simmons?

  Wow.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:02Bill Simmons?

  Can feel the shoe polish from his head just dripping off that theft.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 20:08Bill Simmons?

  The, uh, the Pats in this post Mike Vrabel Sedona era.

• 20:15Bill Simmons?

  They look sloppy as hell. They look poorly coached and it looks like he has no feel for the team. And I really do think it all starts with that. And the year from hell team, which I think we have a bunch of candidates this year, starts with the variable Raciney stuff, goes all the way through. You know, even all the edge sharing stuff with the owner. It's like, what, what good thing has happened with the Pats? A.J. Brown gets hurt in an hour.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:39Bill Simmons?

  The only good thing is they didn't give up this year's first round pick for him.

• 20:43Speaker 01

  That is good. That's a positive.

• 20:45Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 20:45Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 20:45Bill Simmons?

  It's positive.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I think you had somebody write in about the year from hell. And, uh, what, how do you, how do you calculate it?

• 20:53Bill Simmons?

  I had, uh, Brian in Bethesda. He said, we have strong contenders, including the Pats, the Bucks, the Packers and the Chargers for year from hell.

• 21:04Bill Simmons?

  And it can't just be performing poorly versus expectations, he wrote. What extent should we weigh factors like the team coach having an affair with a prominent reporter, a starting running back getting arrested for domestic violence, having a washed up DJ for an offensive coordinator, or a quarterback who was great last year, but now poops the bed every Sunday? How do you rank the year from hell? It is weird. We have four teams that have a case. And that, and you could say the Bucks probably, you know, they, you should be cruising to the NFC South. Baker got hurt at the end of the game. Maybe Bowles gets fired tomorrow? What happens with that?

• 21:40Speaker 01

  I think they stay with them because now they have this injury thing. I mean, to me, they're like, they're gamblers, just an absolute nightmare. 12 in a row without covering, but

• 21:49Bill Simmons?

  I know.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's bad. I mean, if you're going to rank them, I think you kind of have to wait till the end of the year because here's how I would do it. I would say four plus games under win expectation, right? That's one.

• 22:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  What you don't have is the, oh, you do have the major injury. You have, uh, A.J. Brown. Major injury, I think is, is a big thing. And, uh, all those teams you mentioned are on their way to having one, I think. Um, two to three off-field incidents involving players of the, um, domestic abuse, vehicular assault, walking through a glass door to a whiteout party, whatever. Yeah. So, and I think one off-field incident by the owner, GM or president, maybe even in the preseason. Um, so I would say that. And you cost me, uh, $75,000 on parlays. I would put that in there.

• 22:32Bill Simmons?

  And, and multiple bad luck injuries, which the Patriots didn't have. Um, it feels like the Chargers are headed that way. And

• 22:40Speaker 01

  What do you mean you didn't have? A.J. Brown's a bad luck. That's

• 22:42Bill Simmons?

  I mean, I know, but we haven't had like five of those.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Oh, all right. Well, now you jinxed it.

• 22:47Bill Simmons?

  You know, I was watching the Raiders today and I, I don't know if the Raiders thing is sustainable, but they are three and oh. They did spend some money this, this offseason, right? They got, uh, they got Quay Walker. They got N'Kobe Lane. They got, uh, they got, um, what was the other one they bought? Oh, Kirk, Kirk Cousins. They went, did a small deal with, but they went out and got some veterans, brought them in. Um, I don't know. The, I don't feel like my team, you know, I don't know. I don't know. Like, we have no edge rushers really at all. And the, the one we had got hurt. So, I'm mad at myself for going 10 wins.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  With Crosby. Maybe that's a karma thing that's gonna, that's gonna

• 23:26Bill Simmons?

  N'Kobe Dean, not N'Kobe Lane.

• 23:30Speaker 01

  There's two N'Kobe's in the world and you couldn't figure it out?

• 23:33Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Well, right now it's 1220. So odds are we're going to probably mess a couple up. So yeah, the Pats are plus 100. Um, but then you go on the, to the make the playoffs. The Chargers are now plus 460 to make the playoffs.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  Eight, that F and team.

• 23:50Bill Simmons?

  Holy macro. Uh, Green Bay is plus 240 to make the playoffs. Your team is plus 128.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  So my team and yours are almost on par with this?

• 24:01Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. And the Las Vegas Raiders are plus 166 to make the playoffs. That is lower than two to one. What are the odds of that?

• 24:10Speaker 01

  So, what's the Browns?

• 24:13Bill Simmons?

  Browns are plus 610.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  Oh, really? Okay.

• 24:16Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  So they're two and one, but they, uh, not trusted at all. Yeah. I just, I just don't want the Raiders or Browns or anything stupid like that. I still have to root for the Patriots and Chargers as a result, but.

• 24:27Bill Simmons?

  So if you said, if you had first coach fired, who would it be? Still Bowles?

• 24:32Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, but I gotta tell you.

• 24:34Bill Simmons?

  You sure he's not getting fired tomorrow?

• 24:36Speaker 01

  I, I don't, I don't think, I don't, I don't know why I don't think so, but, uh, I think it's going to be Salah. I think it, I mean, I couldn't believe, I watched that game with a bunch of Giants fans and it reminded me why I moved 3,000 miles away. Because, uh, when the Giants win, it's, um, it's, it's not fun. But, um, yeah, man, I never had, even though they were driving, I never thought they, they had a shot at winning that game.

• 25:00Bill Simmons?

  I was not that focused on, uh,

• 25:01Speaker 01

  This is Dable's comeback.

• 25:02Bill Simmons?

  I had the force, I had the four top on the TV with my iPad. So I basically had five games going. And then sometimes I was doing the boxes. I can, I had a lot of trouble following everything.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  Good one to skip. Yeah.

• 25:15Bill Simmons?

  But the, the Cam Ward piece, the two things I wrote down was obviously our second cross off, but Cam Ward, like they, they were inside the 10 yard line and he just, he just gacked the game away. And, uh, and Sal after did the whole, he's got to make better decisions thing. But I, I think the problem with Cam Ward is I don't, I just haven't seen any evidence that he's going to be a good quarterback yet. Have you?

• 25:37Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 25:38Bill Simmons?

  What, where's the evidence at this point?

• 25:40Speaker 01

  I wanted to give, um, I mean, maybe there's an evidence and a, and a crime they're going to plant, uh, on him or something. He should check his car, but I don't know. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Like most of his touchdowns came in the last five games, I think last year. And, you know, he had that couple of things where he roll right and throw across his body. But, um, that offense is just, just really rough. And they, they actually had more yards than the Giants. It was like 262 to 238. But, um, I, I don't know. How does Dable not come away with that win?

• 26:10Bill Simmons?

  Jameis gets the win. He's alive. The, the rumors of them trading for another quarterback. We'll see what happens with that. Um, I had, there's a lot of games to cover here. We're going to take a quick break. We're going to come back and then, uh, we're going to talk about the three and oh Raiders. Cause I can't believe the Raiders are three and oh. That's next. The Bill Simmons podcast brought to you by FanDuel. Welcome to your most rewarding season ever. And it's only on FanDuel. How rewarding are we talking? More rewarding than an 18-point comeback? Maybe even more rewarding than an O lineman catching a touchdown. I used to love that. Linebackers, Belichick used to do all that stuff. In this NFL season, that feeling doesn't stop on the field. Look out for the all new FanDuel Rewards Club. Exclusive offers, surprises

• 26:54Bill Simmons?

  and much more. Every week, check FanDuel app to see what's waiting for you. Make this your most rewarding season ever with FanDuel. Download the app to get started. FanDuel, play your game. 21 plus select states, 18 plus DC or Wyoming. Restrictions apply. See terms at sportsbook.fanduel.com. Game problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org/chat. Connecticut. This episode is brought to you by PayPal. Every winning team has that one player who can do it all. The new PayPal app, it's kind of like that. You can shop, pay, earn rewards, manage your account, all in one place. Plus, find offers, deals and stackable rewards. PayPal offer also offers purchase protection on eligible

• 27:38Bill Simmons?

  items. So you're covered if something doesn't go your way. Download the new PayPal app to get started and see paypal.com slash protection terms.

• 27:49Bill Simmons?

  All right. The Raiders, they're three and oh. Finally, some positive news for Tom Brady. I don't, do you think he's even watching the games? Like he's working during these games.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  Honestly, I didn't until you said it.

• 28:01Bill Simmons?

  Part owner of the Raiders helps run the team, but is doing another job as these games are happening. So New Orleans, four touchdowns, Chuck has four touchdown passes. 27 first downs. They're 28 for 143 rushing and 29 completions for 255. And they lose by eight for a variety of reasons. But Bowers was incredible. 10 for 116. Cousins is now the fourth Raiders quarterback to have three plus touchdown passes, three games in a row.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 28:34Bill Simmons?

  Can you name any of the others?

• 28:36Speaker 01

  Fourth Raider, all right. I would think Carr did it once.

• 28:40Bill Simmons?

  Yep, there's one.

• 28:43Bill Simmons?

  This is really tough. I don't think you'll get this.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  I'm going to say Rich Gannon.

• 28:49Bill Simmons?

  There's two. I don't think you'll get the third.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  I mean, Stabler, they, they didn't put up big numbers, but I know he was a big game guy now. Uh, Jeff George.

• 28:58Bill Simmons?

  Jay Schrader in 1990.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  Oh, that's fun. Okay.

• 29:03Bill Simmons?

  All right.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  And Kirk Cousins. Wow. What a group.

• 29:05Bill Simmons?

  Cousins, who we were like, who's going to catch the ball on this team? And they're actually, when you watch them, they got these two tight ends now that Bowers is back. Uh, I think Gentey's really good, you know, and their line's better. And they can move the ball, you know, and they can block a little bit. And the Saints are kind of the same way. I feel like the Saints can move the ball. They can play from behind. Both of those teams, I feel like could sneak into the seventh seed and possibly the shaky's game. It's conceivable.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  Oh, well, the Saints are going to have a four, are you kidding me? You think

• 29:35Bill Simmons?

  I guess the Saints will be the four seed, but they'll be in the shaky game as the four seed.

• 29:39Speaker 01

  I like this game. I like bad entertaining games. Like you and, uh, you and Corolla love bad movies, like point break or something, but I can't sit through that. Like the Saints Raiders, I can watch all week. And yeah, like you said, like the Raiders are just pretty good balanced offense and a defense that made plays when they needed to. I know they gave up a lot of yards to chuck around and find out, but, um, I like watching them. Bowers with 10, what do you have? 10 grabs for 116?

• 30:07Bill Simmons?

  He was all over the, you always feel him when he's healthy and he's in the game. And the Crosby trade, you know, which that trade was done. They ended up keeping him and you can feel him in these games too. I thought their defensive line was good. The problem for them and why I would bet the no playoffs for them is their schedule is brutal.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:24Bill Simmons?

  They, these next nine games, Chiefs at Patriots, Bills, Rams, at Jets, at 49ers, Seahawks, at Broncos, at Browns. So they'll be favored in.

• 30:36Bill Simmons?

  Maybe two of those.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you know, we haven't guessed the lines yet, but they have the Chiefs, they're home, right? Like, that's the first time in a while, I feel like, yeah.

• 30:46Bill Simmons?

  That's a frisky game, yeah.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  Decent chance to win that game. And you know, those teams you mentioned, maybe two of their quarterbacks could go down. Who knows? I hate to think like that, but this could be the team.

• 30:56Bill Simmons?

  Well, then, then you have the Saints. So basically, if you're looking at the AFC playoff picture, the Raiders and Chargers, just switch bodies with those teams and you're fine. NFC South, I don't know what to make of it. We have New Orleans, Carolina, Atlanta, a team that was dead four days ago. Atlanta's now tied for first place. They're all 1-2. Tampa's 0-3. Tampa's had every single possible thing go wrong. They're a game out of first place. Their division is now 3-9. You predicted that they would go 4-7 and 10 teams and 7-10 with the division.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:26Bill Simmons?

  Do you want to drop that to 6-11? Do you want to revise that at all or no?

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Maybe soon, yeah. Well, the AFC South is 3-9 also, so 6-18 between the two South divisions. But you made me laugh. You sent the first through fourth. Fanduel has odds for who coming first.

• 31:43Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it's like bingo. You may as well play bingo at an old age, huh?

• 31:46Speaker 01

  I'll give you 35 choices if you want. I'll book it, yeah.

• 31:51Bill Simmons?

  Well, then, you have the Colts, Texans in the AFC South.

• 31:57Bill Simmons?

  The Texans are now 0-3. So in the history of football, nobody's gone 0-3 back-to-back years and made the playoffs both years. That's a tough one. They lose today when Daniel Jones has two picks and a fumble. They lose today when they get the go-ahead, they're up 1, right? Their defense just needs to get a stop. They're kicking off, it's near the end of the game. Just stop the Colts, you win the game. Let's see your best defense in football. Colts go down the field, get the field goal and beat them. So, no Nico Collins for this loss and last week. So it's not their, you know, that's, you know, is somebody that in the Ringer Wise Guys, we, some people pick to be potentially Offensive Player of the Year. So that's no small thing.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 32:43Bill Simmons?

  I still don't, as much as I like Ryans and him as a vibes guy and his defenses and stuff, I still, the game management with him, I almost don't feel like he gets enough credit for being kind of a bonehead in some of these situations. They were down 60-7 in the fourth quarter and kicked a field goal on 4th and 4. It was like on the 6-yard line. It was like a classic, like, we're not doing this anymore. Like, even if you don't get it, they're still trapped inside the 10. Like, you're near the end zone. You haven't scored a touchdown. You know, you've scored 7 points in this game. You gotta like, actually try to score a touchdown here, you're not gonna win. They kicked a field goal. It somehow almost worked out for them, but I don't know.

• 33:26Bill Simmons?

  I never feel great watching Texans games from a strategy standpoint.

• 33:30Speaker 01

  They really got their asses kicked. Like, the Colts had time of possession, 35-24. Texans ended up with like 220 total yards, 23 or something. The Colts turned it over a few times, and if not for that, this might have been like a double-digit win. But I think you're right. That's the reason you go for it by the 6. Like, who knows how many more times you're gonna get it? And I don't know, I was wrong on Stroud. Like, also when they're not running the ball, like Montgomery had 33 and Marks with 15. It's just, it's just too much for Stroud. It really is. And that's why.

• 33:59Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, especially with those receivers. He's throwing to dudes. You can't even tell which one. They're all wearing like 19, 18, 17. You can't tell who's who. None of them are ever open. And they can't run the ball. I thought they'd be able to run the ball at least competently, but they just, they're just not able to run it. Woody Marks seems like he's been a little better than Montgomery. And then you have Bills-Chargers. 3-0 Bills, 0-3 Chargers, which was another variation that game where, that we just talked about, where the Bills have 5 turnovers, 10 penalties. They dropped 2 Herbert picks. He gives them 1, but they dropped 2 other ones. And they still pull it out. And not only that, but they covered.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, of course, I have, we'll get to the Dolphins. No business not covering. And the Chargers had no business. It was just another disgusting outing, but, and I think that's as bad as the Bills, we're gonna see them, honestly.

• 34:54Bill Simmons?

  I agree. I thought the Chargers played really well, other than Herbert kept trying to throw the ball to the Bills.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. Like, Cook got a good game.

• 35:02Bill Simmons?

  And Johnson dropped a couple passes, like, they, you know.

• 35:04Speaker 01

  I mean, the Bills' defense embarrassed, that should never be a sentence in the second half. I can't believe the Chargers were held to 1 touchdown. But Allen was 204, 2 interceptions, right? Cook had a good game. That was about it, but, yeah. I don't think we're gonna see, that's the kind of game you have to steal from Bills. Otherwise, they're just gonna run the table.

• 35:27Bill Simmons?

  Chargers are up 10-0. They scored 6 points in the last 3 quarters. The worst one, Herbert had just an absolute abominable red zone pick.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:35Bill Simmons?

  Tough for me to pile on him too much after the game Drake may had, but, let's just say with a lot of pressure on him this week, I don't think Justin Herbert threw the monkey off his back. But they're, everybody is gonna have this stat in their podcast today, but the, since 2013, the teams with 5-plus turnovers and a minus 4 turnover margin, the Chargers are the only team that's lost in that scenario, basically. It's happened 3 times, including this one. So Chargers' next 3, at Seahawks, Broncos, at Chiefs, really could be an 0-6. And my question is, when does Harbaugh start sniffing around? I talked about this with Pellicero on Thursday's pod, but he is definitely a hit the trap door about if he doesn't like the setup.

• 36:20Bill Simmons?

  And we know how he goes, and I think he's gonna, we'll hear his name being thrown around, I think, for college pretty soon.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Oh, you're saying, moving on from this team, when does he get the, I'm trying to think like who he would replace. Interesting. Yeah, because it can't be his fault. The DJ, he could say it was the DJ's thing and something happened with Herbert. You could blame Madison Beer.

• 36:41Bill Simmons?

  I think you could blame the fact that they don't have a home field advantage, and it's a really weird situation. You know, there's a bunch of excuses you can make. Yeah, I wasn't right fit, you know. I can't say it's live or die with that franchise. Like, he's got a million outs and he'll be coaching USC next year or something.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, well, you used the wrong example, but there was, it goes to college where there's like 70,000 people, and every single one of them is rooting for him. It is just a whole different, a whole different life.

• 37:07Bill Simmons?

  Plus, in the NFL, you can't cheat.

• 37:10Speaker 01

  Right, right, right.

• 37:12Bill Simmons?

  Like, at Michigan, they knew all the plays. That's one of the reasons they won the title. All the Michigan fans listening are like, fuck, I really want to fire back, but I, Spygate, Spygate! Yeah, they have to like turn it with the pets.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  You can cheat, yeah, right. You can cheat, but then you get relegated to coaching the Carolina UNC. So, but that's, yeah, that's, what are you gonna do?

• 37:37Bill Simmons?

  He's having a good time. Yeah, so there's a real 0-6 chance. I mean, the bad thing for the Chargers, 0-3, they're playing the Seahawks in Seattle next week. And normally you would think, oh, Seahawks got by Washington, maybe they're looking ahead. But the Seahawks just had a horrible loss in Washington. And I don't think they're losing 2 games in a row. We should talk about that game.

• 37:59Speaker 01

  What were, I'm sorry, what were the Chargers' odds to not make the playoffs?

• 38:02Bill Simmons?

  Oh, plus 460 to make it.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  So it's minus 7 or something. All right. I might do that.

• 38:09Bill Simmons?

  Seahawks-Washington was our tease killer of the day.

• 38:11Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 38:12Bill Simmons?

  I think everybody had it. It was the right pick. The Seahawks had 437 yards, Washington had 258. The Seahawks had 28 first downs, Washington had 17. But Washington's D had 3 turnovers, including a really, really abominable Sam Darnold pick that turned out to be a pick 6 by a white guy, which always hurts extra. And Mariota, twice a year I lose money on Mariota. I looked it up. Yeah, I looked up in my records. Just twice a year, it just kills me.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  So you got half, you got it out of there?

• 38:42Bill Simmons?

  I just gotta get it back. Look, stupid game, weird weather, et cetera, et cetera. For Seattle, the one thing I think is a concern is Price. And the only reason I'm noticing it is because in our fantasy league, he's one of my running backs.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 39:00Bill Simmons?

  I just haven't really seen it from him yet. Plus, he had fumbles in back-to-back weeks, but, doesn't really, when you watch him, do you feel like, it's like, oh, this guy, does it feel like he has it? I'm not, I'm just not sure yet. I was further along mentally when I drafted him and spent $28 on him.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  He doesn't feel special right now.

• 39:21Bill Simmons?

  Doesn't feel special, right?

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Right, but this is, you laid it out. Like, this is a game, Seattle, this, again, like the Bills, this is the worst they're gonna play, and they also should have won anyway. 437, like you said, to 258. You give any team 3 turnovers, and that's, it was 2 from Donald, right? And then 1 fumble, so.

• 39:39Bill Simmons?

  The problem is, in the last 3 minutes, they had 2 3rd and relatively longs just to shut down Washington. And each time Washington converted them. And did, like, they had a 3rd, Merritt had a, basically a designed QB draw to end the game, and it was 3rd and 8. And Seattle had a chance to get the ball back. They couldn't cover JSN the whole game.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  Right.

• 39:59Bill Simmons?

  But, just a stupid one, but we were doing, I think everybody and their brother had Seattle on the team.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, anyone who's miraculously left in an eliminator pool is probably out because of that. But, yeah, and we're also used to Mike McDonald winning every road game. And this defense didn't really just, I don't know, didn't show up, honestly, in the big moments at the end.

• 40:20Bill Simmons?

  Weird one. And then the other one. So I did it. I took Tampa in Ringer 107 again. Because they're 0-11 in their last 11. I was like, I said to House on Thursday, I was like, how many times can they not cover? Like, at some point, this isn't like flipping a coin or, I don't know, but like, playing any sort of card game or roulette or whatever. This is, you know, the Lions are adjusting, they're moving, there's different incentives. To go 0-12 against the spread is impossible.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  It's pretty good.

• 40:51Bill Simmons?

  They just did it.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, it's like flipping a medical chart is what it's flipping. They landed on thumb, dislocated thumb today for Baker.

• 41:03Bill Simmons?

  One of the worst games I've ever watched. It was just such, such, just a clusterfuck for 3 hours.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  I think it was the 2 worst, I forget what metric it is, but the 2 worst offenses evolved this year were the Vikings' offense and Tampa Bay's offense, both in the same game. And, I don't know, I guess I'll just be wrong about Minnesota. Like, they're, they're gonna be good. This is how they're gonna do it. And I just, you know, what did they have, like, yardage-wise? It was, I wasn't even paying attention, but, you know, they have 1.

• 41:35Bill Simmons?

  I have some stats for you.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  They have 1 offensive touchdown in the last 2 weeks, right? And their total yard margin is, that's a tongue twister, is minus 244. So this is the team I'll be wrong about all year. It's fine.

• 41:46Bill Simmons?

  They're 3-0, all 3 wins, they have not gotten to 250 total yards. Today's game had 20 first downs and 17 punts. And they were 4 and 32 on first, 4 for 32 on first down, the two teams combined. And you really felt it when you watched. Tampa had nine first downs. Kyler stinks. I mean, he's just not a good quarterback. He's just not. And it doesn't really matter because Minnesota defensively, they have this blitz thing figured out against. Now, I don't know if it's gonna hold up against the best teams in the league, but when they play everybody below that top tier, you just don't know where it's coming from. Baker, over and over again, it was like 3rd and 15, 3rd and 23, 3rd and 30, 3rd and 12.

• 42:31Bill Simmons?

  You know, they just have a way of making it go backwards. Tampa needed the game. Baker was running for his life, then finally got hurt at the end. Um, and I-

• 42:42Speaker 01

  Baker's always running for his life and he's always, they always lose on the play. Like, I almost didn't pay much attention to this because I knew it was gonna have a dumb ending like this. So, uh, I didn't think we were gonna see Jalen Daniels, Kansas quarterback in there, but he could be their guy for a little bit.

• 42:56Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, he came in. I had to Google him. Um, Minnesota's defense definitely better than I thought. Considering, uh, I wasn't sure the, you know, it's all scheme. I didn't know if they had the talent. And Tampa's offensive line worse than I thought. I thought that was gonna be like a top five or six O-line. I don't really know what happened to them.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  Werfs is back. Werfs is back. It's gonna be fine.

• 43:17Bill Simmons?

  And then Niners Cards was the other one when you're talking about, um, just weirdness. The Cardinals kick for the cover. They're down nine.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  So much fun.

• 43:26Bill Simmons?

  I gotta say, I always, I always think teams should do this. We've talked about this over and over again, over the years on the Sunday Night Pod. They, it was a 45-yarder. You always see the teams try, they burn off 28 more seconds on the clock before they end up kicking the field goal. They were like, let's do it now. Let's go for it. We'll try to get the onside. They didn't get it, but they did get the cover. Bad game for the Niners because Trent Williams, Mike Evans, and Drake Greenlaw all got hurt. So now they're missing, I think, 27 of their 22 starters. Doesn't seem to matter.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  Three bodies a game. It's crazy.

• 43:59Bill Simmons?

  Doesn't matter. Arizona today, 38, 38, 44 time of possession. They almost had the ball for 39 minutes. They had 27 first downs. Didn't matter, they lost. Brock Purdy is our September MVP, which is usually a bad thing. There, this is whoever is our MVP favorite heading into October, something bad usually happens. Like, I remember Russell Hustle and Bustle was the most famous one for this a few years ago, but Baker last year. I always feel like it's, you never want to peak in September, but Brock Purdy's been out of his mind. And he's been, if you knew nothing, if you just were like in the Martian and you were away in outer space for 10 years and you came back and you're just watching football, you would think he's the best quarterback in the league.

• 44:44Bill Simmons?

  He had this throw, he rolled out to the right today and he did a jump up in the air. You know when most quarterbacks, they just roll, they just kinda run out of bounds and throw it? He did like a throw in the air, precision, and it was like, holy shit. Never seen anybody do that. He's been just awesome.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  He's very cool and I, I don't, I'm trying to think of who to compare him to because he has Mahomes-like qualities, but he also has like Baker-like qualities, the good Baker, you know, when he's under siege and he kinda like gets out of there. But yeah, that, that spinning, that play when he jumps in the air, he's, he's just a, he's really fun. And, and that offense is good. I mean, I don't know what to do about Shanahan. Just like, just like the game was kinda over, even though it ended up being close on that lateral play. It's like, oh, they're just, they're just better. He does all the little things, Shanahan. But I loved this game because I had it on a teaser, minus two and a half. And that shithead Pinochet misses two extra points, so they're up two. And then San Francisco should be killing the clock and Purdy runs for a touchdown.

• 45:45Speaker 01

  And I'm losing my mind. And then I find out like Kittle with the block in the back when Purdy's at the like two-inch line. So now they really could run it out, right? And Maniac Shanahan draws up a play, the, throw it to Kittle, who looks like he wants to go out of bounds, but scores anyway. And then like you said, Arizona kicks a field goal to cut it to six. That is the beauty of a two-team teaser.

• 46:05Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, that was, if that was the Chiefs, the game's over and you don't cover.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  Right.

• 46:09Bill Simmons?

  And that's that. Um, I liked that game for Arizona. I think there's something there with Arizona. I liked how they played in week one. They got their ass kicked last week, but, um, I thought they moved the ball and, you know, Love, who we all stared at in our fantasy leagues and went either way later and around by round, or didn't go for nearly enough money in an auction draft. And guess what? The guy's really good and it's gonna be heard from all year and they're, you know, if Marvin Harrison, if they had nailed that pick, which they didn't, but that offense would be, would be pretty dangerous. I like, I think they're well-coached. I think that's a frisky team. That's a team I would not put in a tease against them, basically. I think that's a watch out team.

• 46:51Speaker 01

  I thought he was perfect for a backdoor cover and that's kinda what happened with Brissette. I think he had like a game where he was 47 for 57 last year against them. So they lost, they ended up losing, but, um, yeah, they, this is, they kinda played a level of competition.

• 47:04Bill Simmons?

  I went, uh, 2 and 3 in Ring of Honor '07, but the two games I was agonizing over today to be my Sunday ad were Arizona plus eight and a half, which would have been fun. And then the one I picked was, was the Chiefs, which dropped to minus nine and a half. So I grabbed it and they're up. They're just so bored. They're, they just, they're like, can this game just end without anybody getting hurt? We're, we're watching, uh, my daughter's boyfriend was over and he's a Chiefs fan. So we had to have it on as one of the four, but I had the action on it. So I'm invested in it. And Miami's just terrible. I mean, anytime they have to throw the ball, it's a disaster.

• 47:47Bill Simmons?

  And the Chiefs are up seven and it just feels like the classic, they're just gonna be bored and win by seven. But they go ahead and they get the, they, they finally did it. They go up to 14. And then you realize with the Dolphins, there's probably Malik, you know, in garbage time is not the answer. There's certain quarterbacks where you're like, this is, this is great. He's gonna move the ball down and score. It's not gonna be Malik Willis. So you're, you're, you're feeling pretty good when you're up double figures on Malik.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  So bummed. And I thought they were smart to go for it on fourth down. Like, it's, like, fourth and six around midfield, but they had plenty of time. They could have punted away. But, um, yeah, they're, they're kinda listless. The only way, I think it was really hot down there and it showed. And the Chiefs were just, Chiefs were dying to lose that game and ended up covering.

• 48:37Bill Simmons?

  Could we talk about the call? The other great call of the day? The rough in the passer of Mahomes in the end zone?

• 48:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, right, right.

• 48:44Bill Simmons?

  Hilarious call. Hilarious. The Chiefs are the best. I love, I love it. And their fans know, like, all the, was Chop Robinson just comes right down the middle. Mahomes releases the ball, tackles him. As he's landing on him, he lifts his arms out, which is what you're supposed to do. If you drive him down and you have your arms like this, they call it. He puts his arms out as he's landing on him, which means it's not a rough in the passer, but it's Mahomes and he's gonna get the call.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  You talk about what the hell is a guy supposed to do? Like, that's, that's right at the top of the heap there. What the hell is that guy supposed to do? But the funny thing on that, you know, there was a defensive holding call on the same play. So it's almost like the referees were like, whoa, Eddie, I got this. What do you have to go make so obvious in the end zone? I got the 20-yard line. What do you think that's for?

• 49:31Bill Simmons?

  You're supposed to get the next call for the Chiefs.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  Uh, Dolphins.

• 49:37Bill Simmons?

  Forgot to mention with Houston, um, because I'm going through my notes and I went out of sequence.

• 49:42Speaker 01

  You gotta talk about your crush on Carly Ursay Gordon again.

• 49:46Bill Simmons?

  Houston, their next seven, Cowboys, Titans, both at home. At Jaguars in London, home Giants, week seven. And then bye week, at Chargers, at Browns, at Colts. I feel like they're gonna be five and five by the time this is all said and done.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  This is why we like them, right? Like, we like them for number, well, they're probably not gonna get the one seed like we predicted in August. But, um, yeah, and they're in a division that's three and nine right now. And, uh, there's no way you could convince me any of these teams are much better than them.

• 50:23Bill Simmons?

  The stupidest game of the day, and this is when I lost, um, the under on Steelers-Bengals.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:31Bill Simmons?

  Steelers scored in the first two minutes. It's like, all right, kiss this under goodbye. I teased it up to 40 and a half. Pittsburgh ends up with 411 yards. They punt once. And since he's new and improved, D, we can officially stop talking about that. Because Rogers was slicing and dicing him. They had real trouble covering the Pittsburgh tight ends. Including that giant guy who just washed in. It just seems like he should be the best tight end in the league. Every time somebody throws to him, it's like watching a high school movie.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  He's gotta be 340 pounds. I mean, I'm not saying that is a slight.

• 51:03Bill Simmons?

  How do you even tackle that dude? Since he has a rough in the punter penalty to keep one Pittsburgh drive alive. And then their punt returner muffs a fumble. That keeps another. It was one of those games. It was one of those, I don't even understand how Cincinnati lost this game, but they did. Tell me, think of this stat. Joe Burrow now 1 and 34 when trailing in the last eight minutes of a football game.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  I saw this. I'm shocked about it. And then I saw another-

• 51:32Bill Simmons?

  1 and 34.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  That's, that's insanity. Like, that's, how do we put, that guy shouldn't be in everybody's top four quarterbacks. And I, I know that he is or right around there, but, and then you look at, we'll get back to it, but we, we look at Bryce Young has 12 game-winning drives. I'm like, when the hell did that happen? Is that in his life? So Joe Burrow might not have 12 game-winning drives if he's 1 and 34 when trailing in the last eight minutes in the, in the NFL, right?

• 51:59Bill Simmons?

  I need, I'm, I might have to do a rarity and assign this to, maybe our guy Austin Gale can help out with this one. I really need to understand this stat. It feels too insane to be true. There has to be more context to it. Maybe like in 25 of those games, they were down double figures with eight minutes left. Like, maybe he just hasn't been in enough close games. I don't, just dumbfounded by that. Steelers are now 2 and 1. Their next five are at Browns, Colts, at Buccaneers, at Saints in Paris, and Browns home on a Thursday night. They might be like 6 and 2.

• 52:37Bill Simmons?

  In a couple of weeks with that schedule.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  Is the outlier gonna outlier game gonna be them getting killed by your Patriots?

• 52:45Speaker 01

  Or being good?

• 52:46Bill Simmons?

  What about the Browns beating them this week?

• 52:49Speaker 01

  Oh, coming up on Thursday.

• 52:50Bill Simmons?

  I think whatever happens in that game becomes the outlier.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  That'll be fun. Right, that's sure. Yeah, and listen, let's give Rogers credit. We could do it, right? It's fine.

• 52:58Bill Simmons?

  Rogers was good in that game. He really was. He was good. He was terrible last week. He was really good this week.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  Even his interception wasn't his fault, right? I mean, he fired it in there, but it was, again, almost 300 yards. That's what you have to do against that Bengals defense who, yes, you're right, is puzzling at this point.

• 53:14Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I didn't understand that. It doesn't seem like. And then Pittsburgh, no Porter. They were playing Samuel in the Porter spot. They benched him in like third or fourth quarter, put a rookie in, and the Bengals receivers were just torching whoever and somehow didn't win the game.

• 53:31Bill Simmons?

  Browns-Panthers, mentioned the Browns. Cleveland is now 2-1. The Sean of the Dead now has two straight game-winning drives. He had two touchdowns, no picks today. And, uh, I don't know. He's been moving the ball. They actually looked pretty good. The crowd was great. They made a couple of defensive stops. Carolina lost Coker during the game, and I do feel like he's like the security blanket for Bryce, but they came back. It seemed like a game Carolina was gonna take. And, uh, just a classic Browns home game. The Browns have been reliable at home, it feels like.

• 54:08Speaker 01

  I guess. I'm trying to figure out.

• 54:10Bill Simmons?

  Did you lose money in this game?

• 54:11Speaker 01

  I mean, no, I'm not betting. I'm trying not to bet NFC South games anyway, but the Browns had less than 250 total yards. I'm glad the fans are rooting for them and everything, but and this Watson experiment is getting funny. Like, what do you? What do you do now? If you're a Browns fan, like, talk about teams that are all over the map, but also what's waiting in the wings? Like, he was 16 for 30 for 144.

• 54:36Bill Simmons?

  I mean, if you're a Cleveland fan right now,

• 54:40Bill Simmons?

  you have, uh, you have probably more fun sports stuff happening at the same time than you've had in 10 years.

• 54:49Speaker 01

  Right? That's true. Right.

• 54:53Bill Simmons?

  But the baseball, baseball was a fun season. You have the 2-1 Browns. You have the Cavaliers who were able to somehow get Peyton Watson, still trying to figure out how that happened, but they're one of the favorites in the East. You didn't have to go through the LeBron farewell tour, which I didn't think was gonna work out, but.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  Right. Well, yeah, enjoy it, Cleveland. It's good. And you're right, if they win Thursday, kicks a can down the road even more.

• 55:19Bill Simmons?

  It's 12:52 a.m. Eastern time.

• 55:23Speaker 01

  I don't want to.

• 55:23Bill Simmons?

  I might do a line of cocaine. I have some cocaine here, fortunately.

• 55:26Speaker 01

  Who is watching this on the East Coast? What's wrong with you people?

• 55:30Bill Simmons?

  I didn't realize how late it was on the East Coast. Our whole life is, I miss the West Coast. Guess what doesn't happen in West Coast? Like, these terrible storms being up at 1:00 in the morning.

• 55:39Speaker 01

  I don't think this has ever happened before, like with us. Maybe when we used to call in, could we possibly have both been on the East Coast? But like, 18 years ago, but you might see two old men fall asleep for 90 minutes on Netflix.

• 55:51Bill Simmons?

  No, let's just go to guest lines. Thursday night, Steelers at Cleveland. Here we go. One of these teams is gonna be 3-1. Steelers, Browns.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  Is that true?

• 56:06Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  I mean, I know it's true, but is that really true?

• 56:08Bill Simmons?

  The only way it's not true is if it's a tie, and then both of these teams will be 2-1 and 1.

• 56:12Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 56:13Bill Simmons?

  Which is probably on the table. I have the Steelers favored by 1.5.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  We split this. I said 3.5, and it's 2.5.

• 56:23Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  Right? We split it.

• 56:25Bill Simmons?

  Browns, home dogs, two weeks in a row.

• 56:30Bill Simmons?

  There's no way I'm taking Pittsburgh in there.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, throw it on teaser.

• 56:34Bill Simmons?

  I'm betting the Browns money line.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 56:36Bill Simmons?

  I'm in. I kind of enjoy watching them.

• 56:41Bill Simmons?

  We have a London game.

• 56:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:45Bill Simmons?

  6:30 P.T. You'll be up.

• 56:48Speaker 01

  This one's worth waking up for on the West Coast.

• 56:51Bill Simmons?

  Colts-Washington. Daniel Jones against Marcus Berriota.

• 56:57Bill Simmons?

  Once again, we continue to thumb our nose at the fans in England. They shouldn't have fucked with us in the 1700s. Colts, I have as minus 3 favorites.

• 57:09Speaker 01

  You're gonna get it. I thought it'd be a little less. I was impressed with Washington. It's 3.5. I said 1.5.

• 57:18Bill Simmons?

  One thing I'll say about Washington, and I don't know if this is sustainable, but it is, you know, I love when the, when the whole sideline is like fired up and jumping and like celebrating plays, and all seems kind of locked in and locked in with the coach. They did, they did seem like they were pretty locked in in the game. Then you think back to Philly in Week 1, where they definitely could have won that game. Daniels gets hurt in Week 2, that screws up that game, but that game was, maybe Washington's a little better than we, than we theorized.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  Good for you, Joe House. Yeah, you have a watchable team.

• 57:51Bill Simmons?

  They're watchable. Sunday marquee game.

• 57:57Bill Simmons?

  I put Bills-Patriots as the marquee game, not because I'm a Patriots fan, but I think it's the most fascinating of all these games. You could say Bengals-Jags. You could definitely say Rams-Eagles. You could say Texans-Cowboys, but Bills-Patriots in Buffalo, AFC East, Drake May. I think that we went there a year ago and he was awesome. And now it feels like he's gonna have the biggest, hottest microscope on him that he's ever had in his career over the next seven days. And I don't, I don't, this is just a fascinating football game.

• 58:31Speaker 01

  Division clincher if the Bills can get it done, I think. Right? It's close.

• 58:37Bill Simmons?

  I have the Bills favored by 6.5.

• 58:41Speaker 01

  Uh, you got that exactly because you cheated, and it's late. I thought it would be 8. I think, I thought you have to make this 8.

• 58:48Bill Simmons?

  The only reason I went, so I thought about the Chargers line, which ended up 7.5.

• 58:53Speaker 01

  Right.

• 58:53Bill Simmons?

  And I think the Pats are better than the Chargers. And the Pats got a lot of respect with that Jaguars line today, which never moved from 2.5.

• 59:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:01Bill Simmons?

  So, I still feel like because their defense and the coaching, and now they really need this game. It probably ends at 7, right?

• 59:09Speaker 01

  Well, this is how I felt about the Chargers this week. Like, Chargers really need this game. Everyone wants to bury the Bills from week to week. Like, oh, they can't, Josh Allen can't do this. Like, this is a perfect spot for them. And then the Bills, like, lackluster effort, and they still win.

• 59:23Bill Simmons?

  The Bills with the, not only if Josh has an off game, all of a sudden there's James Cook doing something spectacular. Like, they're pretty tough.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:32Bill Simmons?

  Five watchable games. I thought the slate was really good this week.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:36Bill Simmons?

  Bengals-Jags is a good one. That's in Cincinnati. Um, I should mention, because when we talked about Jags-Pats, we only talked about the, uh, the Pat's side of it. I thought the Jaguars were excellent today. I thought Lawrence was fantastic and made a couple really, really lights-out, I don't know how he got it in there throws. And that was, my dad and I were talking about Drake May, like, whatever speed bump he's hit. And Lawrence had like five of these, right? He had, during his career, it felt like every year we had a moment where we're questioning, is Trevor Lawrence any good? What's going on here?

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  And then he got paid.

• 1:00:09Bill Simmons?

  Why did he do that?

• 1:00:10Speaker 01

  Right. It's like, what?

• 1:00:12Bill Simmons?

  Same kind of pedigree up and down, and now he's really, I think, settled into a nice spot, and that would be the hope for the guy who finished second in the MVP voting last year, that maybe he can get his career back together, but I thought Lawrence was awesome.

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  One thing he shouldn't do, Drake May, is, I have to call Lawrence out, whatever. I like him as a player. He's fun to watch, but that, you know, the gambling industry has enough problems. And then add to it, like, stuff that he did, like with 8 minutes left, you saw that, right? You're watching with your father, 8 minutes left.

• 1:00:43Bill Simmons?

  Stopping at the 1-yard line? That was weird.

• 1:00:45Speaker 01

  Why do you do that? You're asking for trouble. You're gonna give us trouble. Don't stop at the 1 frickin' yard line with 8 minutes left, or don't be in the game, right?

• 1:00:54Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  Or take a knee from the 30 or something. Don't stop at the 1.

• 1:00:58Bill Simmons?

  It just felt like a brain fart.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  It's a lot.

• 1:01:01Bill Simmons?

  Bengals at home against the Jaguars. I have Bengals minus 2.5.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, we split that. I got it exactly. It's 2.5.

• 1:01:11Bill Simmons?

  I don't think that line moves. Right?

• 1:01:14Speaker 01

  No, I think that's fair. Jags with 2.5.

• 1:01:16Bill Simmons?

  Maybe on Sunday, that moves to minus 1.5?

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't think it gets to 3, that's for sure.

• 1:01:21Bill Simmons?

  That's a good game. I think the Jags are good. Even last week against Denver, they played a really good first half and died in the second half like the Rams did today, and there might be something with Denver in September at that altitude, but, you know, Washington's there 1 play. Then all of a sudden, it's Myers. They still have Thomas roaming around. Lawrence can run. Their running game, I don't love their running backs, but they weren't bad today.

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  Have you heard Parker Washington speak?

• 1:01:49Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it's interesting. It's definitely a top 5. I didn't have that voice going with your, with your body.

• 1:01:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like when an actor's like Australian, like, what? You're on The Walking Dead for a decade, and I didn't know this?

• 1:02:03Bill Simmons?

  Rams are at the Eagles. Coming off a loss, 1-2. We'll see with the Eagles tomorrow, how they, how they look. I have the Rams favored in this game by 1.5.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  All right, I got it exactly. It's 2.5.

• 1:02:18Bill Simmons?

  I think there's a lot of support with the Eagles. Man, that, that's another way that Cowboys' loss hurt today, because it does feel like 10-7 is gonna take the NFC East.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  I know. Damn it. Stupid, stupid team. Uh, this is the rematch of that worst bad beat of the year last year, right? This was the block kick game?

• 1:02:37Bill Simmons?

  Oh, you're right. Yeah.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. Fun.

• 1:02:41Bill Simmons?

  I was thinking with the two Shans tonight coaching, that was, I guess every time they play, it's the rematch of that, the worst playoff call of all time.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Oh, I had, of course, had a lot of money on the Rams that day. Yeah, that was a good Super Bowl.

• 1:02:57Bill Simmons?

  We have the two Texas teams playing each other.

• 1:03:01Bill Simmons?

  It's in Houston.

• 1:03:05Bill Simmons?

  Houston 0-3, Dallas 1-2.

• 1:03:10Bill Simmons?

  I gotta say, if you had told me after three weeks, these teams would have a combined one win, I would have assumed Texas had the win, not your team.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  Oh, interesting. Well, they will. They'll have a win. You just have to wait a few days.

• 1:03:22Bill Simmons?

  I could not get this to 3 without knowing if Nico Collins was playing, so I have Texans minus 2.5.

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  You hit it exactly. I said 1.5. I don't know why. I thought they give Dallas a little more credit, a little more firepower in that offense, but fine, 2.5.

• 1:03:37Bill Simmons?

  I think if Nico plays, that goes to 3.

• 1:03:41Bill Simmons?

  Chiefs at the Raiders. Man, shit, this could have been the marquee game of the week.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:51Bill Simmons?

  How many Chiefs fans at this game? There are a lot of Raider fans. Like, there definitely would be some Chiefs fans, but there will be a lot of Raider fans. And even better, there's gonna be a lot of social media videos of people fighting in the stands. In bathrooms, in concourses, even in the sections.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  I went to this game, Chiefs at Raiders, three years ago. It was a Week 18. Didn't matter for the Chiefs. They still started Mahomes and there were a lot of Chiefs fans.

• 1:04:17Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. I put this right in the Vegas zone ironically. Chiefs minus 4.5.

• 1:04:24Speaker 01

  All right. This is just like, I said 4, and it is 4.5, but this is like, cow, I'm falling asleep. Just get me the Lions, and those will be my Lions.

• 1:04:33Bill Simmons?

  That's what's going on here, right? I'm cheating now?

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think so.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  6-3.

• 1:04:38Bill Simmons?

  To make myself feel better, because my quarterbacks are a tailspin?

• 1:04:44Speaker 01

  Like, I don't need to feel better.

• 1:04:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, you got it exactly.

• 1:04:49Bill Simmons?

  I think it stays right around there.

• 1:04:53Bill Simmons?

  Raiders are a live dog in that game. I don't, I can't say I was blown away by the Chiefs today. I don't, their defense, Miami was really running them, and they lost Achan in the first quarter of that game. And then their backup running back, Gordon, he left the game because he had cramps, because it was hot, and the Chiefs were still running the ball. And it's like, I don't even know who's playing right now. How are you getting five yards a carry?

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. You and I are gonna take the Raiders on a teaser, just be cursing them this time next week.

• 1:05:22Bill Simmons?

  I'm gonna just bet the money line.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  Really? Look at you, Raiders and Browns, you're going already.

• 1:05:27Bill Simmons?

  I was telling our friends at FanDuel, because I've been in Boston, I've been using FanDuel, and they were asking, like, what do you like, what do you don't like? And they have all these fun promo stuff. And I was like, the one thing you don't really have are like the boosts for underdog money lines. Like, a little 30% underdog money line, you know, 50 dollar max, whatever. Because like, I would throw the Raiders in that one.

• 1:05:48Speaker 01

  They also don't pay you out if you lose. I hate that. I know a lot of the other books do that, too, but it's really hard to get ahead.

• 1:05:57Bill Simmons?

  49ers home for the Broncos. I don't know who's playing for the 49ers, because every guy on their team is now hurt except Brock Purdy. I have 49ers by 3.

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  Let me check if this has moved. It is 2.5, and I had 3 also.

• 1:06:14Bill Simmons?

  I'm winning.

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're a good number ahead. 7-4, including ties.

• 1:06:21Bill Simmons?

  Fairly watchables. This is the definition of a fairly watchables. Bears-Jets. I guess we didn't talk about Jets-Lions. I accidentally skipped over that one.

• 1:06:32Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. It was a fun one.

• 1:06:35Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Gibbs was great, but the Jets can move the ball a little bit. Gino, the question of whether Gino could be revived at all, I feel like, I don't know whether the Lions secondary was the biggest part of him being revived, but Gino had some good throws in that game.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  He had good throws. Wilson was really his only big man, big name by the time kickoff, and then he had to go out. Yeah, Gino had good numbers throughout.

• 1:06:58Bill Simmons?

  Siddiq looks like he's the real thing, which all the people I know who follow college were convinced that he was gonna have an impact, and he looks like he's gonna have an impact.

• 1:07:07Speaker 01

  And Aaron Glenn really wanted that game. Like, doing stuff, like going for 2 down. But the thing we hate, that all the smart people explain to us that we don't understand, like, you know, trying to cut it to 6, right, and then getting stuck at 8, so, and then tying it anyway. And I don't know. I think he would have gone for it to win it, too, at the end.

• 1:07:26Bill Simmons?

  Gino was 31 for 37, for 321, 3 touchdowns, 0 picks. Mostly because the Lions' defense really blows. It's really bad. But the Jets, there's a scenario where they're 3-0. They blew the game last week. I still don't know how they lost the Packers game. And then, in this game, they were right in it. We mentioned Gibbs before. Gibbs on pace now for over 2,600 scrimmage yards and 34 touchdowns, which should be the records, yeah, across the board.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, the Lions, you want to get right, your offense, play them on 3 days rest, or 7, or 10 days, doesn't matter. That's the defense you want to go against.

• 1:08:06Bill Simmons?

  I have, because this is in Chicago, and it's Geno Smith, and this is what he does, is makes you trust him, and then he burns you. I have the Bears minus 2.5 for this, but I think that's too high.

• 1:08:18Speaker 01

  You're gonna win. No, it's too low. I said 2, and it's 3.

• 1:08:23Bill Simmons?

  Oof. That surprises me.

• 1:08:25Speaker 01

  So it's getting a little crazy. But so it's not, it's not Caleb Williams? So that injury was real and extensive after all?

• 1:08:33Bill Simmons?

  It sounds like that was a 3- to 4-week injury.

• 1:08:35Speaker 01

  Right, okay, so that would be week 2.

• 1:08:37Bill Simmons?

  Although, if you were Caleb Williams' PR team, you're like, look, dude, I know you might be able to come back next week, but you might have to sit out now for 3 weeks here. You took a lot of shit this week on social media.

• 1:08:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:49Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, we're gonna have to make this seem worse.

• 1:08:54Bill Simmons?

  Bears-Jets. Something terrible will happen in that game. There will be some sort of reprehensible touchdown or turnover, or punt return, or something awful. Bucks, home for the reeling Packers, who we did not talk about, who, the most disgraceful performance of the year so far, the Thursday night Atlanta game, which was, you know, Atlanta was like a touchdown underdog. It's Thursday night. This is why you shouldn't bet on Thursday night games, or pretend you're gonna know what's gonna happen. But Penix did kind of come alive in that game, as the Packers' defense was decomposing. And the Packers are just, look like they're just gonna be bad.

• 1:09:34Speaker 01

  We were joking last week about, should we cross the Falcons off? Like, oh, all right, there's a game in 4 days. Let's just wait and see it. Like, let's wait to see if we cross the team off.

• 1:09:44Bill Simmons?

  Now they're in first place. Can't cross them off.

• 1:09:46Speaker 01

  We cross the Packers off? Maybe that's the team we should have waited for, 4 days. Yeah, and they're, oh, man, I don't want to overstate this, but they're a top 5 exciting offense in the NFC at this point. I hate that I'm saying that, but right? It's like, Bijon, and their tight end doesn't do anything, Kyle Pitts, but, you know.

• 1:10:07Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Drake London.

• 1:10:08Speaker 01

  Drake London, like, just gets free. If he was just a little faster, he'd probably have like 12 touchdowns a year.

• 1:10:14Bill Simmons?

  So you don't have the Packers pick?

• 1:10:17Speaker 01

  No, I don't have it. You have it?

• 1:10:19Bill Simmons?

  The Jets have it.

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought you meant the actual line, because there's no line, there's no line.

• 1:10:23Bill Simmons?

  No, the Packers don't have their first-round pick this year, because they traded in the Michael Parsons trade, but then you rerouted it.

• 1:10:31Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:10:31Bill Simmons?

  Toward the Jets. The Jets get to pick between your pick or the Packers' pick in '27.

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  Well, they'll pick whoever's the better pick. Yes, is the one they're going with. The Cowboys have both picks, and the Jets get whichever is the better.

• 1:10:45Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, so it's like a basketball scenario.

• 1:10:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, so only Jerry Jones could corner himself in a way, like, he can't fully root against the Packers now, right? Because of this dumb thing. Like, you could have been like, Michael Parsons is the enemy, root against the Packers, fine. Like, no, no, I'm gonna finagle a way that, you know, trade this, win a way of this big thing, and like, now, now, now it's confusing as shit.

• 1:11:09Bill Simmons?

  I mean, I don't know who the 8 worst teams with the orders after Dolphins-Titans, but the Packers, I think the Chargers are another one. I don't see how they're not 2 of the 8 or 9 worst teams.

• 1:11:23Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:11:23Bill Simmons?

  From what I've, from watching all the teams and all the games. The Packers, I didn't think the Packers should have won last week.

• 1:11:30Speaker 01

  I don't like anything about, I don't like their offensive line.

• 1:11:32Bill Simmons?

  And if Jacobs doesn't come back for 2 more months or whatever, they're not gonna be able to run the ball at all.

• 1:11:37Speaker 01

  Right. It's weird. They showed the stat today, they're in the Sunday night game. The 3 quarterbacks that take the fewest sacks are the 2 in the game tonight, Nixon, Stafford, and Jordan Love. I'm like, how is that possible? That offensive line is so miserable. The defense is bad. There's nothing to like about this team, honestly.

• 1:11:55Bill Simmons?

  More regrettable extension, Matt LaFleur?

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  Who?

• 1:11:59Bill Simmons?

  Or Baker Mayfield?

• 1:12:00Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought you were gonna say like Beyonce. Extension, oh, I see. No, I think it's Baker. I don't know.

• 1:12:11Bill Simmons?

  Maybe we would have waited a couple games to iron that one in.

• 1:12:14Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:12:16Bill Simmons?

  Also, he's been so up and down.

• 1:12:21Bill Simmons?

  It's really tough with these quarterbacks, where you just have to kind of blindly pay them 50 million a year and hope it works out, you know?

• 1:12:29Speaker 01

  I thought the-

• 1:12:29Bill Simmons?

  It's fine if it's Justin Herbert, like, great, whether or not it ultimately happens from the Chargers, he's still, other teams would pay that. Nobody else is paying Baker Mayfield 50 million a year.

• 1:12:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's funny, no one is, but 3 years ago, I would have said, and you probably would have agreed, that Tampa's the best fit for this guy. Just everything they do is the best fit. But that was the Mike Evans Tampa, and now I know, like, now, whoa, this isn't a good fit at all. I mean, if he's gonna get injured, it doesn't really matter, but where's, he can go to different places where he would, he would, I don't know about thrive, but he would be improved.

• 1:13:05Bill Simmons?

  Bucks Packers in Tampa. And I have the Bucks favored by three.

• 1:13:10Speaker 01

  Oh, I said five. I said five. The Bucks by three.

• 1:13:14Bill Simmons?

  Bucks by three at home against Green Bay.

• 1:13:16Speaker 01

  He's not playing. The guy you had to look up is the quarterback, right? Jalen, Jalen Daniels? It doesn't matter. I don't, I don't have, there's no line on this, so.

• 1:13:26Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:13:26Speaker 01

  We could skip it.

• 1:13:27Bill Simmons?

  I just assumed Baker was gonna play.

• 1:13:29Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:13:31Bill Simmons?

  All right.

• 1:13:31Speaker 01

  Maybe he is. What, what does a separated thumb do?

• 1:13:34Bill Simmons?

  I don't know.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  Is that just the trick your uncle does?

• 1:13:36Bill Simmons?

  He'll tape it to his other fingers.

• 1:13:38Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:13:39Bill Simmons?

  Last one, Seahawks Chargers in Seattle.

• 1:13:43Bill Simmons?

  I had it around seven, couldn't decide where to put it. Put it Seahawks minus six and a half, only because it's a must win for the Chargers.

• 1:13:51Speaker 01

  Only because you're a jerk. It's, I said six, it is six and a half.

• 1:13:55Bill Simmons?

  On fire this week. Could be, could be a good sign for my betting.

• 1:13:59Speaker 01

  Let's just, let's just.

• 1:14:01Bill Simmons?

  Especially after Washington last week.

• 1:14:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:03Bill Simmons?

  I do really worry about the Seahawks running game. I haven't talked to Danny and Mina about it yet, but I just haven't seen anything from their running backs.

• 1:14:11Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:14:11Bill Simmons?

  Like dude, the Kenneth Walker thing, which I think he got like 14 a year from Kansas City. I never understand the finances with the salary cap and how teams can just push the money ahead and eventually they get killed for it.

• 1:14:25Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:14:26Bill Simmons?

  And on paper, everything they did was smart and they spent the end of the first round pick on a new running back, but if they didn't hit with this guy, this is pretty bad. This has happened to the Patriots 20 years ago with Maroney. Where post Corey Dillon, it's like, oh, Maroney, he's, he's gonna be our Corey Dillon. He sucked.

• 1:14:42Speaker 01

  What round did you, he was a first-rounder?

• 1:14:44Bill Simmons?

  First round pick. And then he was in the first round. Yeah. And it was a really, really important pick for us and he, we just whiffed on it and didn't win a Super Bowl again for eight more years.

• 1:14:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:14:55Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:55Speaker 01

  That's too bad.

• 1:14:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, sorry.

• 1:14:59Bill Simmons?

  Poop facta. Three games. Giants Cardinals, first one. It's in New Jersey.

• 1:15:07Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:15:07Bill Simmons?

  I like the cards. I penciled them in for me for Ringer 107. I have the Giants as minus one and a half point favorites.

• 1:15:14Speaker 01

  All right. Yeah, I'm, I'm way off. You're cheating aside, I'm way off. I said four and a half and it is exactly one and a half.

• 1:15:21Bill Simmons?

  I think I nailed like six of these.

• 1:15:24Speaker 01

  Why did I have so big, so big? You want to, you have one, two, three, four.

• 1:15:34Speaker 01

  You have six. More cheating. You knew that. Yeah. Six, six, six, exactly right.

• 1:15:39Bill Simmons?

  At least something could happen to me today. Uh. Ravens home for the Titans.

• 1:15:46Bill Simmons?

  I think I got this one wrong. I, I probably went too low. I have Ravens minus eight.

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  Oh, I had 10 and a half. It's 11 and a half. And this one's worth four, four games.

• 1:15:57Bill Simmons?

  I don't know why I went so low on that one. 11 and a half, huh?

• 1:16:01Speaker 01

  11 and a half. So the Ravens are gonna win. The Seahawks are gonna win.

• 1:16:07Bill Simmons?

  So Ravens in a three-team 10-pointer?

• 1:16:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:11Bill Simmons?

  You're thinking?

• 1:16:11Speaker 01

  And then maybe, and the one you're about to say could be the third.

• 1:16:16Bill Simmons?

  Oh, man. Vikings.

• 1:16:20Bill Simmons?

  Home

• 1:16:22Bill Simmons?

  for Malik Willis and the Miami Dolphins. My only thing with this is, as we discussed and decided a couple of years ago, Kyler Murray is not allowed in teases.

• 1:16:31Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:16:32Bill Simmons?

  So if you bet this game, you just have to do it straight up. You can't put him in a tease. You can't put him in a parlay. You can't put him with other teams. You just can't. Not allowed. It's actually illegal. I looked it up.

• 1:16:43Speaker 01

  Is it really illegal?

• 1:16:44Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, it's illegal. Yeah, they ruled on this two years ago.

• 1:16:47Speaker 01

  Okay, but what about this?

• 1:16:48Bill Simmons?

  Just has to be straight up.

• 1:16:50Speaker 01

  But look up the manifesto and how many times has a team played another team where the defensive coordinator is suing the other team?

• 1:16:58Bill Simmons?

  Oh, I forgot. So then they'll run it up.

• 1:17:00Speaker 01

  Oh, Flores is gonna, he's gonna crush Malik.

• 1:17:03Bill Simmons?

  Well, this feels like a Vikings minus 19 and a half adjusted or something, right?

• 1:17:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:09Bill Simmons?

  Hmm. I actually didn't think the Dolphins were that bad today. But I asked, I didn't, couldn't tell if the Chiefs were just in a coma.

• 1:17:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:20Speaker 01

  Well, if they have running backs out, what do they even have anymore now against this excellent defense?

• 1:17:27Bill Simmons?

  So the Sunday and Monday night games.

• 1:17:29Speaker 01

  Well, you didn't pick, you gotta say a number.

• 1:17:30Bill Simmons?

  Oh, Vikings? I, I went Vikings minus eight and a half. I think I'm too low.

• 1:17:34Speaker 01

  All right. No, you are a little bit. I said eight, I said six and a half. It is nine and a half.

• 1:17:39Bill Simmons?

  Oh, I hit it.

• 1:17:40Speaker 01

  I don't know why I said six and a half. Dumb, dumb.

• 1:17:43Bill Simmons?

  Sunday night games are weird ones. I can't wait to hear Chris Collinsworth talk himself into Lions Panthers in Carolina, but that's what we're getting. Be a lot of Jameer Gibbs.

• 1:17:53Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:17:55Bill Simmons?

  Oh, Mike. There's nobody like this guy. There's just not one, one running back in the last 10 years like this guy, Mike. Look at Coker on the sidelines. I gotta get him, man.

• 1:18:05Speaker 01

  He wants to be out there.

• 1:18:06Bill Simmons?

  Put some pads on. He's, he's chomping at the bit, Mike. Um. Lions I have favored in Carolina by two and a half.

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  Um, two and a half. It's three. I said three and a half. We split it, right? Yeah.

• 1:18:25Speaker 01

  Boy, the Lions really did have a easy early on, right? I know we went over it, but.

• 1:18:31Bill Simmons?

  You know who got absolutely shithoused in the game, in the Browns game today was McMillan.

• 1:18:36Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:18:37Bill Simmons?

  He had like two catches. They, that Ward on the Browns who when he's out there, he's one of the best cornerbacks in the league, but has always is injured or has concussion or whatever, but when he plays, he's awesome. He just took him out. Couldn't do anything.

• 1:18:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're weird. I mean, honestly.

• 1:18:55Bill Simmons?

  The reason I mentioned that is because he's gonna have a lot more fun this week against the Detroit Lions.

• 1:18:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:19:00Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:00Speaker 01

  Should be. Amon Ra, he's gonna have a big game, yeah.

• 1:19:04Bill Simmons?

  And then Monday night is actually a fun game. It's, it's not, won't be telling our grandkids about it, but Saints Falcons in New Orleans.

• 1:19:11Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:19:12Bill Simmons?

  Um.

• 1:19:15Bill Simmons?

  I think this is the, the Katrina anniversary game. I think they're doing

• 1:19:18Speaker 01

  Oh, right.

• 1:19:19Bill Simmons?

  A bunch of stuff for it. So it should be emotional. I put it at Saints minus two.

• 1:19:27Speaker 01

  Um, I said one and a half and it is two and a half. So you get it and you sweep the week. It's not even close, but you know, and I know this game, whatever, it's got meaning now. Now this is gonna sound like I'm an asshole, but who, who schedules three NFC South teams in the two night games? Like they can't, if it was gonna be the Katrina game, you can't have Carolina in the Sunday night. You can't do it. This is, I don't know if you blame AI. Maybe this is the beginning of the end where AI just kills us all and they starve.

• 1:19:57Bill Simmons?

  Schedule first to kill us and then at the end it's just killing us.

• 1:20:02Speaker 01

  This is it. This is the beginning of the year.

• 1:20:03Bill Simmons?

  It does feel like Goodell lost a bet with somebody and it's like, and if, and if you win, I have to put three NFC South teams on Sunday, Monday night. Surprised he didn't do all four.

• 1:20:14Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 1:20:15Bill Simmons?

  That could have been Bucks Panthers. We just could have gotten the whole division out of there.

• 1:20:19Speaker 01

  Should flex that now. 13 to six, I think you won. Good lord.

• 1:20:25Bill Simmons?

  Shuck is just outright fun to watch. He's really fun to have on. I finally have him on one of my fantasy teams.

• 1:20:31Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 1:20:32Bill Simmons?

  Uh, the one with all my, all my high school, college people and just really fun. Slings the ball. The, the pick at the end that killed him was not his mistake, so he got hit.

• 1:20:42Speaker 01

  That's good to watch.

• 1:20:44Bill Simmons?

  All right, baseball playoffs quick before we do parent corner?

• 1:20:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:48Bill Simmons?

  Do you have, I know you're gonna be doing this on Ringer Wise Guy all week.

• 1:20:50Speaker 01

  Funny, like I look at the four series and maybe it's because it's two out of three.

• 1:20:55Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:55Speaker 01

  And um, I just never, I don't like anything that, well, now I would take a shot at is your team. And it's like, you're crying about him. You and Henshaw crying about the Reds. Like, oh, they should be plus 260. Why are they only plus 145? Like, we don't have a chance. The Yankees won the season series 7-6. The AL stinks. You're playing the Yankees without their best player. It's two out of three. You have 87 wins in the garbage AL. You have, of course you have a chance. It's dumb.

• 1:21:22Bill Simmons?

  We've been terrible for over a month. I mean, for, we've just been like a 500 team or worse and a lot of the guys that carried the team in this streak are either hurt or have died. And even, even this weekend, they put Gasper, who single-handedly was keeping the offense kinda interesting for a couple of weeks. And then Guerrero, who came out of nowhere, this 35-year-old flamethrower to, who they were just using every other day, it felt like. He finally broke down. So those guys are on the IR and it's, our season's gotten to the point where it's like, oh no, Gasper and Guerrero are on the IR. Like that's, that's how bad it's gotten, but the, the big thing for this.

• 1:22:01Speaker 01

  Guerrero.

• 1:22:03Bill Simmons?

  Well, the big thing for the Sox is the bats are just ice cold. Like, the only way they're gonna beat the Yankees is like 2-1, 3-2, 1-0. It's gonna have to be lights out pitching.

• 1:22:15Speaker 01

  In October.

• 1:22:15Bill Simmons?

  And that's it. Like, I went Friday night. I was gonna do this for my parent corner, but for my birthday, I wanna go to Red Sox Cubs. And we're in Boston. So got tickets. And of course, like, this giant hurricane's coming. We were fucking going. They moved the game up to 5:30, second half of a doubleheader. And we go and, you know, we have great seats and just drinking. They actually had Michelob Ultra at Fenway. I was excited because I do enjoy Michelob Ultra. But watching the Red Sox, these guys just come up. And my daughter's boyfriend Hank also is, but really likes the Red Sox. And these batters are coming up. And we're just telling my wife, who doesn't know anything, like, ah, this is gonna be it out. Hopefully, he just strikes out so he doesn't hit no double play.

• 1:23:00Bill Simmons?

  We had no hitters. We had basically Roman Anthony and Sogard. He's the only other guy you trust. They end up winning in the eighth because Abreu finally hit, finally, he was like four for 48, finally gets one. But it's one of those lineups in a playoff series. I don't see anybody doing anything. And Contreras got hurt. He got hit in the hand.

• 1:23:19Speaker 01

  I think that hurts. That for sure hurts. I mean, it actually hurts.

• 1:23:22Bill Simmons?

  I trusted him the most in a playoff series. Like, he was gonna have good at bats.

• 1:23:26Speaker 01

  I wouldn't go by, you know, you're gonna try a little harder in these games, I think. Tuesday, Wednesday.

• 1:23:32Bill Simmons?

  They were trying. I didn't.

• 1:23:34Speaker 01

  Why? Because your birthday? You think they were trying?

• 1:23:36Bill Simmons?

  No, they've been trying though. Now, they clinched a playoff spot, but I thought the line was like Yankees minus 170. I thought that was fair. But, you know, it's in Yankee Stadium. I'd be really surprised. The one, the, the, the series that jumped out to me was Houston. Houston is like minus 140 against Chicago. And I just, like, Chicago's just not a playoff team. I'd be really surprised if they just, you know, beat Houston.

• 1:24:03Speaker 01

  They had a guy, what's his name? He broke the strikeout record. He's batting 199.

• 1:24:08Bill Simmons?

  Colton Montgomery.

• 1:24:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, Montgomery. Batting 199 with

• 1:24:11Bill Simmons?

  He's like 230 strikeouts.

• 1:24:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, 234 or something. Yeah, that's what it was. But, uh, yeah. It's like, I looked up like Dave Kingman, because that was the Mets version of that. Yeah.

• 1:24:20Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:24:20Speaker 01

  Even he hit like 220, 228. But I think you're right. The Astros are my Mariners. Like, I just, every time I bet them, it just goes down in flames. And what? They ended up 81 and 81? So I don't know. It's not, not a lot of good baseball this week.

• 1:24:37Bill Simmons?

  So, yeah, like, the White Sox won the Red Sox by them. They have some frisky young guys, but I can't see them winning a playoff series. But this is the dumb thing about these best two of three. Like, you could just, a couple of things could happen. So, the AL Keeper League that Hench and I, we haven't won in like 20 years. And we're battling my friend Mike, who's, who's been winning forever. And this other team, the Rockers. It's the first three-man race we've had. Where everybody's in first place at one point on Friday night. Like, it was a real race.

• 1:25:06Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 1:25:07Bill Simmons?

  Hench and I are texting about, this is all to the point, my wife's like, I'm gonna take your phone if you text Hench again. Like, just every at-bat, looking at it. So we need strikeouts and we need runs, basically. We need a big weekend of offense. But we have Cade Anderson pitching last night. And we need a big Cade Anderson game. This guy who's been our phenom, we wouldn't trade him. He was gonna carry us down the stretch. Seattle just absolutely fucks us. Doesn't bring him up until after the, well, after the deadline. He's on like these four or five innings starts. We don't get what we think out. But now it's like, this last, this will be his last start. It'll be great. We need a big start. Cruising along, I'm watching it on my iPad.

• 1:25:48Bill Simmons?

  Gets hit by a line drive on his throwing arm.

• 1:25:52Bill Simmons?

  Leaves the game. 10 outs. Leaves the game. Takes our season with them. And I'm texting with Hench and Mike, who's gonna win the league. And Hench isn't texting. And I like, I think Hench is actually dead. I think this killed Hench. And 10 minutes later, he just texts back, I'm dead. And then he was to say, long rant, but it was just, why do we do fantasy? I was so bummed out. It like ruined my whole weekend. It was like, really? Not, I thought Cade Anderson like shattered his elbow. It's like, this Mariners team is the fucking curse of all time. So their season ends today. They fire the manager right after the game. It's like, yes, we've decided to separate with Dan Wilson. Oh, really? The guy that you quit on four months ago?

• 1:26:36Bill Simmons?

  And then another guy, we traded for Vlad Guerrero, who's like $37.

• 1:26:42Bill Simmons?

  Vlad gives this interview this week, and he, and he's talking about this $500 million contract he got. And he's like, that money is for what I already did.

• 1:26:51Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 1:26:52Bill Simmons?

  It's not about what's about to happen. It's about what I already did. And all the Blue Jay fans are like, what? Because this guy is like completely mailed in the season. So we, Hench and I, I don't know if you've ever been more angry texting ever. We finished second. We had the first pick in the minor league draft next year because we finished second. And we're just never gonna win this fucking league.

• 1:27:13Speaker 01

  I like that it came down to the last day. You absolutely knew what was gonna happen. Because you hate the Mariners and they had to screw you one more time.

• 1:27:21Bill Simmons?

  Right.

• 1:27:21Speaker 01

  And it

• 1:27:22Bill Simmons?

  Oh, and then there was an extra one where, where Logan Gilbert, who was on the team that won. It's like, well, we kinda need him to get shelled. Of course, he pitches one of his best games. The Mariners just hated us. Munoz, you'll never be on my team again. Josh Naylor, I have a strong dislike for you. George Kirby, I really hope he gets traded to the National League. And then Cade, I hope he come back.

• 1:27:44Speaker 01

  You should have a Mariners podcast. I don't know. You could do it like with Kenny Maine or something. I don't know who you would, just you, just you two. You and a Mariners fan.

• 1:27:52Bill Simmons?

  I just, I don't, can't imagine it would ever get worse than them. House started a new segment on the pod. You can go eat a big, you can go eat a fat dick. So obviously, the Mariners, we're gonna send all the fat dicks to them.

• 1:28:04Speaker 01

  He's inviting people to eat a fat dick.

• 1:28:06Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, so we haven't won in 22 years. I haven't won our football league in over 20 years, since 07.

• 1:28:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:13Bill Simmons?

  Maybe I'm just suck at fantasy. I was really like, I was like, why do I do this? Maybe I'm just not good at it.

• 1:28:18Speaker 01

  You're good at other things, right?

• 1:28:20Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, I'm good at other things. Maybe I'll just do other things.

• 1:28:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's something else. I do like Guerrero, though. I'm thinking about it. It's like, that's something like, maybe when he signed the contract, he's like, oh, man, this is a lot of money. And his agent's like, hey, kid, shut up, man. This isn't for what you're about to do. This is what you did in the past. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right.

• 1:28:36Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, just stop hitting home runs.

• 1:28:38Speaker 01

  If we got to tell him not to ever repeat that. That's just agent, client talk.

• 1:28:42Bill Simmons?

  He was all proud of it. He gave this interview. And he was, the way he talked about it was nuts. That was one of the craziest interviews anybody's given. I was almost like, is this AI? Did he actually say this? What happened?

• 1:28:54Speaker 01

  He had one homerun at home this year, I think, at the Rogers Center.

• 1:28:58Bill Simmons?

  We traded for him because we needed home runs. Guess what? He doesn't need home runs. That was it. No home runs for him. Yeah, it, uh, it was really quite an experience. What, what's, what's going on in New York this week, other than Jimmy Show?

• 1:29:14Speaker 01

  We got the Kimmel Show. I don't know. Hopefully, it stops raining at some point. And that's it. I don't know. There's a lot going on.

• 1:29:22Bill Simmons?

  All right, let's do parent corner then.

• 1:29:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, let's do it.

• 1:29:24Bill Simmons?

  Go.

• 1:29:25Speaker 01

  All right. So a few weeks ago, my kid went to Cooperstown, right? I had a whole story on that. So they have a couple of weeks off, and then they play 13U, Little League. And it's, it's wildly different from what they did a few weeks ago. The mound goes from 50 to 54 feet. The 80 feet, 80-foot base paths from 70. So it's like, almost like you're watching a different game. A ground ball at third, guy's got forever to throw a kid out. So we had our first tournament for the fall. And the pitchers from both teams are having trouble adjusting to the longer distance, right? So the catcher's short hopping balls all night. Each team had like nine walks. And my son was on his way to being the biggest culprit here. So he's, um, he's under throwing, he's pitching, he's under throwing, he's short hopping the catcher.

• 1:30:08Speaker 01

  And then he's overcompensating and selling pitches high out of the strike zone. Like, the Mariners almost signed him right away. But, uh, so then he like, he's like, oh, Munoz, I don't know.

• 1:30:20Bill Simmons?

  I heard you have terrible control.

• 1:30:21Speaker 01

  Exactly. So he walks two kids and then throws a ball and then points to his right elbow. And I guess like it didn't feel right. And, uh, and so the coach comes out and takes him out immediately.

• 1:30:35Bill Simmons?

  The Mariners would have left him in.

• 1:30:36Speaker 01

  They would have left him in because you need strikeouts, right? And he walks. And then it's like all the parents are saying to me, like, and then I go up to, I go up to him in the dugout. I'm like, what's going on? You all right? Because I've seen this before. This could be, I've seen both sides. This could be, yeah, I'm actually hurt. Or this could be, uh, I know I'm gonna walk four more kids and I wanna, I wanna get out of here now. You know what I mean? So he just like stares. He just stares through me. And then the parents look, is Harrison okay? And I'm like, I don't know. I think so. Like, I don't want them to worry, right? So I don't wanna say, no, he's hurt. But I don't wanna be like, yeah, he just thinks he's gonna walk everybody, so he's out. So, um, so the next day, he's, he's still feeling it, even though he's icing it and we're doing the heat.

• 1:31:16Speaker 01

  And Melissa's like, I'm gonna get this taken, taken to get looked at. Because this, this'll, this won't end with him. So he gets it, he gets looked at, and he has what's called little leaguer's elbow. So it's inflammation, there's no tendons, but you need a break. You need like two to three weeks off, all right? So I'm like, all right. So he won't throw for two to three weeks. We let his know, let his coach know. His coach is fine. And the coach is like, hey, talk to Helen, Martha, and Shelley, because their sons went through the same thing. And they'll know what kind of physical therapy he needs. Oh, Jesus.

• 1:31:47Bill Simmons?

  Physical therapy?

• 1:31:48Speaker 01

  Physical therapy. He's 12. Like, he just needs off. He just needs to take three weeks off. So she's like, um, my wife's like, no, I'm taking him. He's got soreness and he's got inflammation. Like, okay, great. And then like, like, how did physical therapy go? And Melissa's like, oh, well, the girl's like really cute. The girl doesn't like to like, I don't know, like Harrison was like laughing when she's like tickling his elbow. I'm like, that's great. You know what? It's not funny. Like, this bill, I'm gonna get for physical therapy. And I'm thinking like, we were kids, like, you and Gus probably played, you probably like threw a ball, like, you'd play like tag up or something, and you would throw it a million miles.

• 1:32:24Bill Simmons?

  Game where you just throw like pop-ups as high as you possibly could.

• 1:32:27Speaker 01

  For what? For like two hours?

• 1:32:29Bill Simmons?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:29Speaker 01

  And then like your arm would fall off? Yeah. And what happened? Your dad took you to physical therapy? Your mom like, no, no, nothing like that. No. Not that, I know I sound like an a-hole and an old jerk, but just take a few weeks off. We need physical therapy for a 12-year-old who's x-rayed fine. Anyway, that's where I am.

• 1:32:49Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, how about hiatus? Just take three, four weeks off.

• 1:32:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, play flag football, run routes, you'll be fine.

• 1:32:56Bill Simmons?

  We should mention, you're still battling the kidney stones.

• 1:32:59Speaker 01

  Yes, I have not passed that yet. It's too big. I said 10 centimeters. Sorry, I don't have my metrics down. It was 10 millimeters, so it's big, too big to pass. And in a weird place where they can't zap it right now. So I just have to tough this out and stay on top of the pain pills for the next couple of weeks before this gets to the place where

• 1:33:17Bill Simmons?

  This is gonna be Brett Favre 2.0. I don't know how this is gonna play out.

• 1:33:21Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:33:22Bill Simmons?

  So multiple people, including two different urologists,

• 1:33:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:26Bill Simmons?

  Sent me listener emails.

• 1:33:28Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:33:29Bill Simmons?

  Pointing out the irony of you getting a kidney stone. Because one of the best things to prevent kidney stones, hot water and lemon.

• 1:33:39Speaker 01

  Oh, you were serious. I thought you were just being a jerk.

• 1:33:43Bill Simmons?

  No, that's for real. Like something about lemon and it's like, and if people feel like they're coming on, you're supposed to have hot water and lemon is one of the remedies. So you mocked me last year.

• 1:33:53Speaker 01

  You know what?

• 1:33:54Bill Simmons?

  Maybe you should have just followed my lead and started doing the hot water and lemons.

• 1:33:58Speaker 01

  I'm, uh, I'm happy to say that I'm not doing it. I'm not, I'd rather have past stones every day of my life than be a sissy like that. Hot water and lemon. Sorry.

• 1:34:10Bill Simmons?

  I will never stop calling him Drake, baby. And I will never have hot water and lemon.

• 1:34:14Speaker 01

  Like the two hills I'm dying on.

• 1:34:18Bill Simmons?

  So my daughter last year in class, and she didn't show this to me. I found out from my wife, wrote this story about, um, about playing soccer her whole life. And how, what I was like on the sidelines, like encouraging her, but also if she got hurt, I would always be like, you're fine, you're fine. Cause you kind of have to tell that, you know, cause sometimes she would get a little dramatic. All kids do, but she's playing a physical position. And anytime she got hurt or she'd be like, ah, and I could always read if she was actually hurt. And I'd be like, you're fine, you're fine.

• 1:34:54Bill Simmons?

  Which it might make me like a little bit of a parent prick. I don't know.

• 1:34:59Bill Simmons?

  But then there was one time when she really got decked. And, um, and this was like when she was in ninth grade, like really bad. And it was like, oh, and it was like the one time I didn't tell her she was fine. And so she knew maybe she wasn't fine. So she wrote this whole piece about it. It was pretty good. So then I went to the game Wednesday and she got nailed and she was kind of near me. And I started to yell that you're fine, cause she was, I could see her like, and then I stopped myself. So she got in my head, like whatever she did, if she checked my mind, tricked me. Yeah. So now I'm, now I'm rethinking all the things I yelled during the game.

• 1:35:33Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 1:35:34Bill Simmons?

  So now I basically just yell, go Z.

• 1:35:37Bill Simmons?

  Come on, Z and go Z. Those are my two, two things I bring to the table.

• 1:35:40Speaker 01

  It's gonna be the name in the next paper.

• 1:35:42Bill Simmons?

  I didn't realize you're fine was, was this thing, this North Pole for her. When, when I didn't say it the one time, she knew maybe she wasn't fine.

• 1:35:50Speaker 01

  You can't say it ironically now where she'll just like nod to you now, like, cause you know.

• 1:35:54Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, maybe that, maybe I'll flip it. I'll just start screaming.

• 1:35:56Speaker 01

  You read it. Yeah.

• 1:35:57Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. Yeah, you're fine.

• 1:35:58Speaker 01

  I like that. Um, you're fine, kid.

• 1:36:01Bill Simmons?

  And then we've been in Boston for a few days and my son is home alone with somebody who's staying with him at the house. And I don't think he misses us at all.

• 1:36:08Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:36:09Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. He's like, when are you guys coming back? Like, not like, are you guys coming back soon? And then I was thinking about when I was 18 and then every high school and teen movie I ever saw, they're all centered around the parents going away. And then somebody, you know, this is like the plot of Risky Business. So hopefully there's not a brothel being run in my house right now.

• 1:36:28Speaker 01

  Oh, I mean, you loved it too, right? When your parents were away?

• 1:36:31Bill Simmons?

  Yeah. That's what my wife was like, I don't feel like he misses us. And I was like, trust me, he doesn't. He's probably delighted that we're, that we're not there.

• 1:36:41Speaker 01

  When I was, when we, I don't know, I was probably like 14 or so, like we, my parents went to marriage encounter. And it's where you worked on your feelings and everything. And now it's just therapy, whatever. It's just therapy, but it was like two full day. They didn't stay overnight, but it was like eight in the morning till like one in the morning. And then the next day, the same thing. It was a weekend. And then when I came back the second, the third day, I was like, oh man, I was like, you guys, you should do this every weekend. You got a lot of.

• 1:37:07Bill Simmons?

  It was so peaceful.

• 1:37:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was peaceful. You got a lot of work to do on yourselves. Um, yeah. And we took care of the house fine, but yeah, the kids love it when the parents are gone.

• 1:37:16Bill Simmons?

  Anyway, well, I'll be back in time for, I'll be back in time for Red Sox Yankees, which hopefully we'll see what happens.

• 1:37:22Speaker 01

  You're fine, Bill. You're fine.

• 1:37:24Bill Simmons?

  I'm fine. I don't think I'm fine with the Red Sox. We'll see what happens. I wish, man, I wish we had healthy Contreras and I wish we had Gasper. Now Gasper, they have two lefty starters, so Gasper would only play against the one. But I just wish we had a full team.

• 1:37:38Speaker 01

  You didn't name a starting pitcher yet, did you, for tomorrow?

• 1:37:41Bill Simmons?

  I don't know what they're gonna do. They've been kind of mysterious about it. We do have three good starting pitchers. That would be the case for.

• 1:37:47Speaker 01

  That's it.

• 1:37:48Bill Simmons?

  And we have a closer. We have an eighth inning guy. I think Baio could be a long relief guy. But I just, I don't know who the hits are going to come from. Who do you think's winning the World Series? Did you make a pick?

• 1:37:59Speaker 01

  I haven't yet. I'm gonna, uh, let's wait this one week, which is gonna be meaningless. Uh, I know, it's probably not gonna be a lot of any team playing this week.

• 1:38:08Bill Simmons?

  And WNBA, which of course had to start their playoffs tonight.

• 1:38:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:12Bill Simmons?

  Or today, even though, uh, they're going against 14 football games.

• 1:38:15Speaker 01

  Perfect.

• 1:38:16Bill Simmons?

  But they had this incredible Liberty Lynx matchup.

• 1:38:22Bill Simmons?

  The Liberty is the eight seed, but they've been hurt all year. And of course they beat the Lynx now, and now they can knock them out.

• 1:38:27Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 1:38:28Bill Simmons?

  The Lynx were the one seed. They dominated the whole year. Miles is a little banged up. I didn't see the game. I was just getting updates on it, but the Liberty like dominated them apparently. And then the Aces killed the Fever. So I don't, I don't know what's gonna happen in that either, but I wish it had been three weeks.

• 1:38:43Speaker 01

  Moneyline parlay, Lynx, game two, Vikings and Chiefs. I don't know. We'll figure it out.

• 1:38:50Bill Simmons?

  Can we throw UCLA at Oregon in?

• 1:38:52Speaker 01

  My God.

• 1:38:53Bill Simmons?

  Week six?

• 1:38:53Speaker 01

  Oh, that's gonna be fun. That was fun.

• 1:38:55Bill Simmons?

  UCLA ranked.

• 1:38:57Speaker 01

  Did you have like two pick sixes?

• 1:38:59Bill Simmons?

  Twenty-third. They won by 51 points in Maryland. They were one and a half point favorites.

• 1:39:05Speaker 01

  Just, uh, and I know you went on, you tried to like make the most of it, but you didn't make exactly the most of it, right? You were gonna bet like 50 plus or something?

• 1:39:13Bill Simmons?

  I had, uh, I had the, I did not do the 50 plus. Now I had them for seven wins and I have them make the playoffs at 22 to one, which now has to be probably like five to one. But the bigger thing is USA, the Lincoln Riley thing is going sideways.

• 1:39:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:39:27Bill Simmons?

  Their, their player took out Dante Moore and the most reprehensible sportsman of the year. And it just feels like UCLA has grabbed the city.

• 1:39:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:39:37Bill Simmons?

  From, from USC in a real way. We'll see if they can maintain it, but they got Oregon. They have a bye this week and then Oregon.

• 1:39:42Speaker 01

  That's gonna be great. Um, the Oregon backup was good. Well, but yeah. Yeah, I'm glad, I'm glad you're watching college.

• 1:39:50Bill Simmons?

  I am. My, my wife was like.

• 1:39:51Speaker 01

  I have to save you from, from basketball. It can't be a hundred percent basketball. And the Patriots not playing well is, is, uh, not good for me.

• 1:39:58Bill Simmons?

  My wife's not happy about it. She's like, I don't, this college thing, I don't know if I like it. Cause she was watching multiple games. I'm like, it's pouring rain out. What, what else are we gonna do?

• 1:40:07Speaker 01

  Tell her October's gonna be rough. There's a lot.

• 1:40:11Bill Simmons?

  All right, Sal. Keep us posted on the kidney stones.

• 1:40:13Speaker 01

  All right. There you go.

• 1:40:15Bill Simmons?

  What else do you have to plug?

• 1:40:16Speaker 01

  Uh, Ringer Wise Guys, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday's the big preview show. That's gonna be fun.

• 1:40:21Bill Simmons?

  Are we going five days a week during October? What's our plan?

• 1:40:24Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:40:26Bill Simmons?

  Okay.

• 1:40:26Speaker 01

  Four's plenty. God.

• 1:40:27Bill Simmons?

  Great.

• 1:40:28Speaker 01

  No, yeah, no, no. I think, uh, well, we could, we'll make, you know what? We'll make videos on ones. It's fine.

• 1:40:33Bill Simmons?

  Shifty wants us to do something with, uh, October's 26th, the Equinox.

• 1:40:38Speaker 01

  Oh, all right.

• 1:40:39Bill Simmons?

  And I feel like we've never fully saw, cause there's one day where it's like everything at the same time.

• 1:40:45Speaker 01

  All right. What, what day is that? Is that?

• 1:40:47Bill Simmons?

  I think, he said it's the 26th.

• 1:40:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, but is that, uh, all right. We'll do something nice on the 26th, so.

• 1:40:53Bill Simmons?

  That's Thursday, first. It's like a Tuesday, maybe. No, a Monday?

• 1:41:01Speaker 01

  There's no way people are still listening to this.

• 1:41:03Bill Simmons?

  No, it's just you and I now.

• 1:41:05Speaker 01

  The 26th is a Monday. Yeah.

• 1:41:07Bill Simmons?

  Yeah, Monday. Equinox.

• 1:41:08Speaker 01

  All right. Fanduel, go, use their bet protect. Uh, if your player goes out early and go to betaches.com if you had a bad beat this week. Niners maybe laying the points.

• 1:41:19Bill Simmons?

  All right. Go make yourself some lemon and water. Nice hot water. Throw lemon in there. Uh, make it work. Thanks to, uh, Gahal and Eduardo and Chris as well on the, uh, the Ringer. Don't forget about, uh, 13 going on 30 tomorrow. And then, uh, I'll be back on Tuesday with a whole bunch of stuff. Thanks for, thanks for watching late night. I'm gonna go pass out. Good to see you. Good job by you.

• 1:41:41Speaker 01

  Good job by you, buddy.

• 1:41:46Bill Simmons?

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