Born to Be Badminton

Conan chats with Vibhuti in New Delhi about adjusting to married life, cursed forts, and badminton rivalries. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, let's...

• 0:14Conan O'Brien?

  It's your coverage on a page, pretty straightforward.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:18Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:39Conan O'Brien?

  Who do you shop for first on the holidays, Sona? Was it, do you shop for the kids, or do you shop for Tac?

• 0:43Speaker 01

  My kids.

• 0:44Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Or Okie.

• 0:45Conan O'Brien?

  You gotta get them your stuff.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Or my dog.

• 0:46Conan O'Brien?

  And then your husband is last. Well, guess what? It's that time of year. You feel that, you smell that cinnamon cider in the air? Do you smell that?

• 0:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:56Conan O'Brien?

  And you see pumpkins around, people buying turkeys. Little early to buy a turkey. Doesn't matter. Holidays? I would say it's just around the corner, but that's a cliche. It's very nearby in the cupboard. Well, guess what? Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. So get ahead of the season. Shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get a head start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at Amazon.com/holiday.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit TeamCoco.com/callConan. Okay, let's get started.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:44Conan O'Brien?

  Hi, Babuti.

• 1:45Speaker 02

  Conan Sona, Matt.

• 1:46Conan O'Brien?

  Hi.

• 1:47Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Hello, it's so nice to meet you.

• 1:49Conan O'Brien?

  Babuti, very nice to meet you.

• 1:54Conan O'Brien?

  Goodbye.

• 1:56Conan O'Brien?

  There was just a long lag. I don't know if that's, you know, because of the technology, but

• 1:59Speaker 02

  I just didn't know what to say.

• 2:01Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? There really is nothing else to say. Vabuti, first of all, welcome. It's very nice to have you on Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan. And tell us where you are calling in from.

• 2:14Speaker 02

  I'm right now in New Delhi in India.

• 2:16Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, my God. That's cool. India. You know, I've been to India once. Yeah. With you, Sona. That's right. We did something, a little project in Jaipur. And we loved it. I love the people of India. And I, of all the places I've been in the world, it was the most different. That's all I can say. It was just, it was like going to another planet in all the best ways. Really loved India.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was, it was an ad, right?

• 2:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it was for American Express.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  I Googled it once.

• 2:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it was for American Express. Good payday. Anyway.

• 2:49Speaker 02

  I was, I was thinking about it the other day. I was thinking about how, like, India has, like, a lot going on, right? You're right. It's very different from the rest of the world.

• 2:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  And one big thing, of course, there's like, it's very vibrant, it's very happening. There's so many foods and colors and blah, blah, blah. That's what everyone says. But it's also very chaotic. And I feel like anyone who really appreciates being here has to have a high chaos tolerance.

• 3:16Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I think you'll agree with me, Sona, that when we visited Jaipur and we were, I remember we were driving around. Yeah. And traffic was not flowing in any one direction. And I don't mean people were going in two directions or three directions. People, livestock, buses, everything was coming from every direction. I had never seen anything like it, and I found it exhilarating. Me too. I've just was, I was, I loved it. I loved the energy, and I love the lack of order. And there was just so much beauty there and a real zest for life. That's what I picked up on. Am I correct?

• 3:57Speaker 02

  Hmm, hmm. So true, so true. I think, I was thinking, I think Sona would have, like, I, I feel. He likes, Sona has a great chaos tolerance.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  I do.

• 4:05Conan O'Brien?

  She has to, yeah. She has to. She works for me and she comes from a family of maniacs.

• 4:11Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 4:13Conan O'Brien?

  I say that in the nicest way.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  Oh, do you?

• 4:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I love your parents.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  Maniacs.

• 4:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  I'm gonna tell him you said that then.

• 4:18Conan O'Brien?

  No, but.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  If you meant it in a nice way, I'm gonna say, hey, mom, pop, Conan says we're maniacs.

• 4:24Conan O'Brien?

  They, they come from a very vibrant culture.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  Wow, that's the nice way to say it.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  We're chaotic.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  That's so easy about ourselves.

• 4:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, maniacs. Anyway, so Vabuti.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  You have a high, I think, I think you would almost like confuse us if you came here because you create chaos wherever you go, right?

• 4:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I, I think that if I came to India, my level of chaos would be higher than the people of New Delhi have ever seen before.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:58Conan O'Brien?

  I think they would be saying like, this guy has to calm down.

• 5:02Speaker 02

  This guy is too much. We gotta get him out of here.

• 5:04Conan O'Brien?

  We gotta get him out of here.

• 5:07Conan O'Brien?

  Tell me about your life, Vabuti. You're in New Delhi. Are you married?

• 5:14Conan O'Brien?

  Am I allowed to ask that?

• 5:15Speaker 02

  I got married.

• 5:17Conan O'Brien?

  Because I was about to propose to you. And I think it's important to know if someone's married before you propose to them.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  That's a good idea, but you're also married.

• 5:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but that thing, you know, it's an LA marriage. That marriage could go at any time.

• 5:33Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, we've grown distant in the last several days, my wife and I, after 23 years. No, I'm very happily married. Tell me about yourself. Are you with somebody?

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I got married last year.

• 5:44Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, congratulations.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:47Conan O'Brien?

  Did you have one of those big ceremonial weddings where, I mean, some of the weddings in India are, they're, it's a giant multi-day affair. Did you do, did you go that route?

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Oh my God, it was huge, dude. It was too much. And, and like in retrospect, like this is how much I'm thinking, I'm often thinking about the podcast. I was like. If only I had applied to Conan Ryan needs a fan before my wedding, I could have invited you to the wedding.

• 6:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  I was like, oh.

• 6:18Conan O'Brien?

  You say that.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Like, a missed opportunity.

• 6:21Conan O'Brien?

  But you know what, Vabuti, I don't think you wanted me. I think, you know what I mean, I'm a lot. I'm a lot. So I think on some subconscious level.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true.

• 6:29Conan O'Brien?

  The reason you, well, don't agree so quickly, but I think one of the.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  She's talking to us.

• 6:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  I think that's what she meant.

• 6:34Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 6:34Speaker 01

  She would invite us, right?

• 6:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, oh, my gosh. To have Matt and Sona and Aaron and Eduardo. Hey! Everyone.

• 6:43Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  But then we have to have Conan, right?

• 6:47Speaker 03

  No, we don't. No, we don't. We absolutely do not.

• 6:50Conan O'Brien?

  So you had this big wedding, and I want to know who you, I want to know who you married. Because this is a, I want to say this, I'll say it in a kind thing. This is a lucky, this is a lucky person. You're very beautiful, you're very funny, you seem very smart, you've got a great personality. Who is this person?

• 7:04Speaker 02

  He is, um, well, well, now, anything I say seems like not good enough, but he's amazing as well.

• 7:10Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  His, uh, so his name is Casey.

• 7:14Conan O'Brien?

  Casey.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  Uh, he works, uh, he, until very recently, he worked with, uh, the UN in Ukraine, informing their humanitarian response.

• 7:22Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow. That's very good work he's doing. That's very good work and very important work. So he sounds like a really cool guy. Uh, you've been married now a year?

• 7:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 7:32Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, where are you right now? Are you, do you guys have your own place?

• 7:36Speaker 02

  So for the past two months, we've been living here, uh, at my parents' home.

• 7:40Conan O'Brien?

  You're living with your parents right now?

• 7:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:42Conan O'Brien?

  Because that can be tough, and I'm going to tell you how I know that for a fact. Until I was 18, I lived with my parents. That's more of a legal thing, but Sona.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:52Conan O'Brien?

  Um, had to, because she lost her house in the Altadena fire, moved back in with your mom and dad.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 7:59Conan O'Brien?

  And your husband and your two children, and why don't you jump in here, Sona?

• 8:03Speaker 01

  And my dog. It's a lot. It is a lot to move back home after you haven't lived at home for a while. And, you know, you need your space. Let's just say you need your space, right? I mean, I need my space.

• 8:16Conan O'Brien?

  Have you found it, uh, difficult, Vabuti? We don't want to put words in your mouth, but has it been difficult? And why has it been difficult? And it sounds difficult.

• 8:27Conan O'Brien?

  Who is it who really gets to your mom or your dad?

• 8:30Speaker 01

  Mom, your mom.

• 8:32Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, no, that's your.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  Oh, sorry.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  I wanna, I wanna put it on the record because my parents are going to hear this, that they are angels. I love them so much.

• 8:41Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, yeah, how about we don't have them listen to this, we'll make a second one that they can listen to. But I want the truth.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Oh, oh my gosh.

• 8:49Conan O'Brien?

  Who, who can be a little bit, who can, who can be a little rough? And, and they can still be wonderful people, but who sometimes creates a little bit more of a problem?

• 8:57Speaker 03

  She could have ruined her home life.

• 8:58Conan O'Brien?

  Would you shut up?

• 9:04Speaker 02

  Matt gets it. Thank you, Gourley.

• 9:05Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, yeah, he gets it. She says not a good podcast, that's all. Oh, let's get the fizz out of this soda.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 9:12Conan O'Brien?

  Now it's better, it's nice and flat.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  So my, um, my dad has been so warm and loving and welcoming. And at the same time, I can see that he, um, has a hard time seeing me as an adult.

• 9:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  And he is, he's just, uh, and, and sometimes he says it, you know, to me, you'll always be five years old. You'll always be a little girl. And I'm like, that's very sweet, but I'm also not. I, I'm married, I pay taxes, I've lived in a couple of countries, you know?

• 9:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Um. So he sometimes, how does this come out? When he's, when he's treating you like a child, does he ever say, you know, go up to your room? Um, does he ever turn into the dad of your childhood?

• 10:05Speaker 01

  Why do you smell like weed?

• 10:08Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, you're projecting, Sona. First of all, you're projecting your childhood and last week.

• 10:15Conan O'Brien?

  Today.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:16Conan O'Brien?

  This morning.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  Mother's Day.

• 10:20Conan O'Brien?

  It's Mother's Day, brah.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, you deserve a break on a sauna.

• 10:26Conan O'Brien?

  So, so Vabuti, just, just tell me, what is your, what kinds of things specifically does your father do? You can, it's okay. You're saying it was love.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, with, with love. Uh, with love, last week I had a flu and, uh, he was like obsessed with the idea of me going, uh, to the doctor. And I was like, it's, you know, it's just a flu. It'll pass in three days. I don't need to see a doctor. Um, and he was like, no, you, you must go. These days it can be so strong and it can turn into something very bad. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, cool, cool. And I just wanted to like, I just wanted 48 hours to pass and to see if it's gonna be fine. And it was fine.

• 11:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm so with your dad on this one.

• 11:04Speaker 01

  No, I, I've, I've been there. My dad, I had a cough and my dad's like, go to the doctor. I'm like, I know I don't need to go. They just don't, they're very parental that way. And it's sweet, but also, you know.

• 11:16Conan O'Brien?

  But Vabuti, it's a two-way street. Have you found that you've regressed at all? Sometimes when I would go back home, even when I was in my 30s and 40s, if you can believe it, I'd act more childish around my parents because I was back in the home where I was a child. Now, I know this is a strong dose of weirdness and no one can understand it, hard to believe. But I would act more childish around my parents. Do you find that you do that sometimes?

• 11:40Speaker 02

  What would you do?

• 11:41Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, sometimes I'd do long bits or act silly or jump around or do long interviews that had no real point or run-on sentences. I'd comb my hair up to a big pompadour. Um, I would, uh, do a dance where I pretended strings were attached to my hips. I mean, I'd regress. Wait a minute, I'm describing my career.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, that sounds like a day in the life of Conan.

• 12:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 12:15Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  What?

• 12:17Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things. So I'm going to try and make apple cider.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 12:21Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 12:22Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 12:30Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 12:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You want to hear what they are?

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:35Conan O'Brien?

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• 12:36Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 12:36Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 12:44Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 12:46Conan O'Brien?

  And that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 12:53Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 12:54Conan O'Brien?

  travel show that I do.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:55Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 13:07Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 13:09Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 13:14Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 13:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  What?

• 13:16Conan O'Brien?

  Now, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 13:19Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best, based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com, consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 13:47Conan O'Brien?

  Coca-Cola Zero Sugar is so good, it's almost impossible not to finish it before the meal arrives. It's just too good to wait. That happens to me sometimes.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Me, too.

• 13:56Conan O'Brien?

  You can try rules, like no sipping until the appetizer arrives, or you tell your friend, "Don't let me touch my glass." But every time, you're staring at an empty glass. So if you've ever finished your Coke Zero before the first fry hits the table, you're among friends. It happens. Occupational hazard with Coke Zero.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:14Conan O'Brien?

  Real Coca-Cola taste, zero sugar, too good to wait. Enjoy an ice cold Coca-Cola Zero Sugar today.

• 14:24Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:31Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself. Not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself. On a walk with a cousin? With a cousin? Why are they getting all specific about?

• 14:51Speaker 01

  Because it's family.

• 14:52Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:56Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife? I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:03Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, a sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 15:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high-fiving.

• 15:33Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com/conan to find delivery options near you, or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 15:49Speaker 04

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• 16:25Conan O'Brien?

  So Booty, I'm gonna try a different tact here. Let's say that I were to visit you, okay?

• 16:33Conan O'Brien?

  And let's say that I were to stay with you and your husband, whose name is, again, is Casey?

• 16:42Speaker 02

  Casey.

• 16:43Conan O'Brien?

  Casey. I'm sure I'd be welcome there, and your parents.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 16:49Conan O'Brien?

  Would they be aware of who I am? Would your parents know who I am?

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Yes, they are so aware. My dad has seen you live many, many years ago.

• 16:58Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, live. He, many, many years ago, he worked for General Electric.

• 17:04Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, as did I.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  And there was some sort of opportunity to see you. Yeah, exactly.

• 17:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, General Electric was my boss when I was... Yeah, General Electric owned NBC. And so back in the day, occasionally, they would need some kind of an orange-haired chimpanzee to go out and entertain the GE crowd. And I would do that.

• 17:20Speaker 02

  That's exactly how he described you.

• 17:25Conan O'Brien?

  Did he like, did he enjoy my show?

• 17:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, he did. And he also said, like, the one thing that I guess everyone says, that, "Oh, he's so tall. He's so tall."

• 17:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, they don't really say funny. They just say tall. But that's okay. Most comedians want to be described by their height.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  But my mom really likes you.

• 17:43Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Well, listen, so it sounds like I'd be accepted by your family. Your mom's a fan, your dad's a fan, and has seen me live. You know, Casey, your husband would tolerate me. You're a fan.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  He would, yeah.

• 17:57Conan O'Brien?

  So I come and I visit. What would we do? What would you want me? Is there a way that I could help you?

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Yes. Well, there's a way in which you could help me. And then there's also something that I... So recently, I went to a fort close to New Delhi. And I'd love to take you there. It's a few hours' drive.

• 18:17Conan O'Brien?

  Wow, you had me at a few hours' drive to a fort. Sounds pretty good.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Okay, it's cursed, and it's still haunted. And there's a jinn that lives in the fort that people worship on a daily basis.

• 18:31Conan O'Brien?

  The Irish also worship jinn, but it's a different jinn.

• 18:36Conan O'Brien?

  So there's an evil gin.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  People from nearby villages come to offer sweets because they believe the gin will grant them their wishes.

• 18:44Conan O'Brien?

  Wait, so it's a cursed fort, but we would go there hoping that the gin would grant our wishes?

• 18:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Sometimes if we want our wishes to be granted, we have to do dangerous things.

• 18:54Speaker 03

  But that doesn't sound cursed. Is anything bad potentially gonna happen?

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Well, so the story goes that the reason it's cursed is because there was once, it was once a bustling township and fort and whatnot. And there was a beautiful princess who was desired by this evil magician who tried every technique to, to bring her under his control. And he always failed. And then one time, he tried to give her a magic potion, which she immediately recognized. He disguised it as a perfume, but she knew what it was. And she threw it on a rock. And then the rock became possessed and it crushed the magician to death.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  But before he died, he cursed the fort and he cursed the people and he, and he cursed the land for, that it will be barren forever.

• 19:47Conan O'Brien?

  Magicians are not good people. I know that's a blanket statement, but they really are.

• 19:51Speaker 02

  He's an evil magician, to be clear.

• 19:53Conan O'Brien?

  No, you don't have to say evil magician. Just say he was a magician, you know?

• 19:56Speaker 03

  There's something weird.

• 19:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there's just something going on there. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  You wanna like look David Copperfield in the eye and feel comfortable? There's no way.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  I don't know. I'll, I'll hang out with David Blaine. He seems cool.

• 20:07Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, sure. That'll be fun. That's a fun date. Hey, what's, what are we doing? Are we going to a restaurant? No, I'm gonna get inside this little bubble and not eat for 17 days. You can watch me in Times Square.

• 20:19Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't think that's happening. Apologies to David Blaine, but famously, tough date. Vabooty, okay, maybe we'll check out the cursed fort that's a couple of hours away, visit the gin.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  Gosh, so uninterested.

• 20:36Conan O'Brien?

  And anything else that we would do while we were there? Is there any way I can help you?

• 20:41Speaker 02

  Well, um.

• 20:42Conan O'Brien?

  Let's get to badminton. I'm sorry, I'm not kidding around anymore. There's a whole badminton.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's a badminton in the notes.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  There's a badminton thing.

• 20:51Conan O'Brien?

  Sorry.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  So, um, for the past two months, I've been really getting into badminton. And in my neighborhood, there is this girl who is unbeatable. Her name is Toleka. She's amazing. I'm never able to get past her. And I could really use your help to improve my badminton skills. Maybe team up and just, you know, for once and for all, claim my, my spot as the best badminton player.

• 21:19Conan O'Brien?

  Well, here's the deal, and I'm glad you called, Vibhuti, because I am recognized as an incredible natural athlete. I have, I have not played badminton, but I don't even have to have played badminton. I think anything that involves hand coordination.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  Would be so great.

• 21:37Conan O'Brien?

  I would be amazing.

• 21:38Speaker 03

  Your height would make you very good.

• 21:39Conan O'Brien?

  I'm very tall. I'm a distraction to the other team because I'm quite unusual looking. The hair is flopping around. They get confused. My limbs are out of proportion. But also, I'm a fierce competitor. I'm, I, I dominate. I need to win. I could help you beat your arch rival, Toleka, in badminton.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Yep, yep. That would be amazing. If you could do that for me, I would be forever grateful.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  He can't.

• 22:06Conan O'Brien?

  Well, what are you talking about? Yes, I can. I can, and I will.

• 22:10Speaker 01

  I mean, height is like wasted on you. Like, you can be over the net, but I don't.

• 22:16Conan O'Brien?

  Just go to the fore.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  Have you ever even played? Have you, have you ever even played badminton?

• 22:20Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, I think once. I was, I played badminton and only three people were killed. Vabuti, I want to make your dreams.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  Colin, I'm also not that good. I'm not that good at badminton. Like, my mom beats Tolika. It's just that I can't beat Tolika.

• 22:36Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, your mom can beat?

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Sometimes she's good, you just suck.

• 22:41Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 22:43Speaker 02

  But my mom, my mom is incredible. Maybe it can be Tolika and my mom versus me and you.

• 22:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, maybe your mom is your arch rival.

• 22:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:52Speaker 02

  My mom beats Tolika once in a while. Like, she usually loses. Once in a while, she wins.

• 22:58Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 22:58Speaker 02

  I don't win.

• 22:59Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, well, I think Tolika, first of all, has been probably getting professional help. She probably has a coach. I mean, there's a reason Tolika is so good.

• 23:08Speaker 03

  She's juicing.

• 23:09Conan O'Brien?

  I think she's juicing. I think, I definitely think she's juicing. Tolika's on some kind of steroid. Does she have massive forearms? Does she have an anchor tattoo? Does she say, "I always eat me spinach"? Okay.

• 23:22Speaker 01

  She's papa.

• 23:24Conan O'Brien?

  Does she have a girlfriend named Olive Oil?

• 23:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, she does.

• 23:29Conan O'Brien?

  Does she ever say, "I am what I am"? When she laughs, does she go? Vabuti, I need help, mental help, but I'd love to help you. I'd love to be of assistance. You seem like a very cool fan, and I'm happy for you. I'm happy for your marriage, your healthy relationship with your parents, even though your dad sounds very domineering and treats you like a child, doesn't understand that most things are, most illnesses are short-lived, quickly go away on their own. But other than that, everything sounds fine. And I'd visit a cursed fort with you any day to visit the gin

• 24:11Conan O'Brien?

  and see the rock that crushed the magician, because I don't like a magician. I could have wrapped this up so much more easily.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, you could have.

• 24:18Conan O'Brien?

  But I've had a little aneurysm here.

• 24:19Speaker 03

  Did you need an assist or something?

• 24:21Conan O'Brien?

  No, I'm done. Vabuti, thank you so much for calling in. You seem lovely, you really do. Have a fantastic day, and I do hope that we get to meet in person.

• 24:33Speaker 02

  Thank you so much, Colin and Matt Sonai. It's such a pleasure to have spoken to you. Thank you for your time.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 24:39Conan O'Brien?

  Bye-bye.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 24:42Speaker 03

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross and Nick Liao. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  Supervising producer, Aaron Blair. Associate talent producer, Jennifer Samples. Associate producers, Sean Dougherty and Lisa Berman. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. Please rate, review and subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan wherever fine podcasts are done.

• 25:29Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're right.

• 25:39Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 25:43Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sonam?

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but maybe-

• 25:46Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries, remember?

• 25:48Speaker 01

  I know, yeah, I remember that. That was not good.

• 25:51Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters. You can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit roberthalf.com/salaryguide.

• 26:12Conan O'Brien?

  When you hear Alka Seltzer, you probably think heartburn, right?

• 26:15Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 26:16Conan O'Brien?

  Well, did you know Alka Seltzer has a line of cold and flu medications known as Alka Seltzer Cold? Did you know that, David?

• 26:23Speaker 05

  No, but I feel like we need it.

• 26:24Conan O'Brien?

  Why didn't you know that, David?

• 26:25Speaker 05

  I know, you expect me to know everything.

• 26:27Conan O'Brien?

  I knew this because I-

• 26:29Speaker 05

  Did you?

• 26:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I've tried it, it's really good. And I like that fizzy, fizzy, fizzy when you drop the Alka Seltzer Cold into the water. Alka Seltzer Cold Fast Dissolves Tablets are designed to deliver cold and flu relief fast. Just drop the two tablets in water and hear those bubbles bursting into action, ready to work faster than pills. Bubbles faster than pills. Pills take time to dissolve, not bubbles. Next time a cold or flu strikes, quick! Alka Seltzer Cold. Nothing works faster for cold and flu symptom relief. Among oral products used as directed.