Ant and Dec: I’d choose fatherhood over TV! Practicing gratitude and honouring growth

Struggling to know if you’ve achieved enough? If you’re happy enough? Worry everything you’ve built could fall apart? Even national treasures Ant and Dec don’t feel like they’ve ‘made it’. In this chat with Fearne – their first ever podcast appearance – Ant and Dec explain that nearly four decades into their careers they’re still laughing together just as much as they did at the beginning, but now they’ve got far more gratitude for each day they get to be on TV. Both Ant and Dec have children, and explore how fatherhood has changed them... and challenged them at times too. They also share why it’s so vital to have an open mind and let your worldview expand as you’re introduced to new ideas and opinions. Plus, can Fearne convince Ant and Dec to swear on air, and how do they really feel about the PJ and Duncan days...? You can listen to Hanging Out With Ant and Dec from January 22nd. If you liked this episode of Happy Place, you might also like: Greg James https://pod.fo/e/337aaf Paddy McGuinness https://pod.fo/e/32a9d6 Prue Leith https://pod.fo/e/322322 Child on the line is a three-part documentary podcast series celebrating the Volunteer Counsellors of Childline, and the brave children & young people who contact the helpline service. Listen here: https://www.childonthelinepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:32Fearne Cotton?

  One of the great things is you can just swear. You can do, you can say what you want.

• 1:36Speaker 05

  Can you?

• 1:37Fearne Cotton?

  Do you want to do a swear?

• 1:39Speaker 05

  Not really.

• 1:41Speaker 06

  You can go, well, people still talk about us in 20 years. I don't know. You know, you don't, you don't think so. You don't ever kind of feel you've achieved any kind of greatness or

• 1:54Speaker 05

  Legacy.

• 1:54Speaker 06

  Any kind of legacy. You just, we all just get up tomorrow and we try and do it all again. And

• 2:00Speaker 05

  You evolve and evolve and evolve and then you go through all of that. And it's not until, I would say, it's not way until my 30s that I kind of really, even 40 maybe, that I figure out who the hell I was. And I'm still, still figuring it out. Oh, God. Jesus, I thought you meant another one. Two confetti, but one, one, one trophy. Well done on popping your podcast charity.

• 2:24Fearne Cotton?

  Well, in the manner of podcasting, we've started.

• 2:28Speaker 06

  Is this the beginning?

• 2:28Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, we're in.

• 2:29Speaker 05

  We're talking about hamsters.

• 2:31Speaker 06

  We've never done a podcast, so we don't know how this works.

• 2:33Fearne Cotton?

  So this is a moment, this is your first ever appearance on a podcast.

• 2:39Speaker 06

  And is this it? Is this happening?

• 2:41Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, it's very low key.

• 2:42Speaker 05

  Hello Fern.

• 2:43Fearne Cotton?

  Hello, Ham and Tech.

• 2:44Speaker 05

  Do we share cancer?

• 2:46Fearne Cotton?

  I mean, there's no formalities, it's just, we're just sort of sat chatting.

• 2:50Speaker 05

  We just chat.

• 2:51Fearne Cotton?

  It's really chilled.

• 2:52Speaker 06

  It's like therapy.

• 2:52Fearne Cotton?

  There's no rules. Because what have you had against podcasting thus far?

• 2:57Speaker 05

  Not that against it, it's just, we...

• 2:59Speaker 06

  You can't be bothered.

• 3:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 06

  We've never been bothered.

• 3:02Speaker 05

  We work so much on telly, in our downtime, when people say, "Do you want to come and be a guest on a podcast?" We're like, "No, not really." "I'd rather have a day at home."

• 3:09Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 3:11Speaker 05

  But we do listen to podcasts and we enjoy them and we've always kind of wanted to do our own, but yeah.

• 3:17Speaker 06

  We just never got round to it.

• 3:19Speaker 05

  We're podcast virgins.

• 3:20Fearne Cotton?

  Oh, I'm happy to pop your cherry.

• 3:21Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 3:22Fearne Cotton?

  It's so great because there are no rules, unlike TV where there are loads of rules that viewers don't know about. There's tons of rules that you have to be on board with. One of the great things is you can just swear. You can say what you want.

• 3:34Speaker 05

  Can you?

• 3:35Fearne Cotton?

  Do you want to do a swear?

• 3:37Speaker 05

  Not really.

• 3:40Speaker 05

  I mean, I swear a lot in real life.

• 3:42Fearne Cotton?

  I know, this is why.

• 3:43Speaker 05

  As you know, you know me well.

• 3:44Speaker 06

  It's kind of gone into your New Year's resolution this, hasn't it?

• 3:47Speaker 05

  It has.

• 3:47Fearne Cotton?

  What, not swearing?

• 3:48Speaker 05

  Well, my little one is 19 months now, so all his words are starting to come slowly. And I'm getting told off a lot for swearing a lot in the house. So I have to curb the swearing. So what I'm not going to do, Fern, is start swearing on a podcast. Yeah, so I need to curb it.

• 4:06Fearne Cotton?

  We even keep the sea bombing.

• 4:07Speaker 06

  No.

• 4:08Speaker 05

  Do you? Who dropped that?

• 4:09Fearne Cotton?

  Oh, loads of people. Caitlin Moran, we've had loads of sea bombings.

• 4:12Speaker 06

  Daisy McCoofer.

• 4:12Fearne Cotton?

  Oh, obviously, millions of times, more than any other word. But it's quite a nice one to say, it's like a juicy one to say.

• 4:19Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:19Fearne Cotton?

  So yeah, if you feel the need during this hour, the platform is yours.

• 4:24Speaker 05

  Well, I mean, once I get animated, all my New Year's resolutions go out the window.

• 4:29Speaker 06

  Let's see how it goes.

• 4:30Fearne Cotton?

  The swearing thing with kids is really hard. I remember when Honey must have been about four and we were watching like a David Attenborough show or something and it was completely silent. And she went, "Shit, that fish is big."

• 4:45Fearne Cotton?

  Sorry, what? She had no idea it was a rude word. It's just something she heard often.

• 4:52Speaker 06

  Yeah. Well, we, um, we were in Australia last year and Ayla's now seven. So she's like, she, the, the family come to Australia with us.

• 5:01Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 5:01Speaker 06

  So she, I come back from work and she wants to watch the show. And of course it's after the watershed, it's the nine PM and they get back and like, we put it on and go, yeah, look, there's daddy, there's uncle, and then it goes into a VT and they're all swearing at each other or whatever. And I'm like, oh, I'm not sure it's a great idea for her to watch a celebrity get me out of here. And Jack's there, he's three. So he's like taking it all in his own. I'm not sure my kids should be watching my TV show.

• 5:26Fearne Cotton?

  But it is the best. Me and my kids, as you know, because I text you guys a lot during Get Me Out Of Here. We just love it. It's, and it feels like there's so much less event TV now where everybody gets together. Cause kids are watching YouTube, they're going off and watching streaming services.

• 5:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:41Fearne Cotton?

  But I feel like all of your shows are still ones where you congregate as a family. And it's so rare and so nice to do that.

• 5:48Speaker 05

  That's why we feel lucky that we, that we are part of those shows that get, it's like a cross generational show. You know, it gets the grandparents and the, the, the kids and the grandkids all together with something like Britain's Got Talent on a Saturday night. To sit down together is, is a wonderful thing. And I'm a celebrity is, like you say, nine o'clock every night for three weeks. And the teenagers come out of their bedrooms, probably for the first time in a long time.

• 6:13Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 6:13Speaker 05

  Sit next to the parents and go, yeah, fancy, I'll, I'll sit and watch this with you. And it doesn't happen a lot.

• 6:17Fearne Cotton?

  No.

• 6:18Speaker 05

  You know, we splinter a lot now.

• 6:19Fearne Cotton?

  We do.

• 6:20Speaker 05

  Watching stuff, listening to stuff as families. So, you know, we find that with, with our family. And I've got two older girls and a, and a, and a really young one. So to try and find something that'll get us all together is, it's pretty rare.

• 6:34Speaker 06

  And that the shows we were brought up on as well.

• 6:36Fearne Cotton?

  Yes.

• 6:36Speaker 06

  We, we loved those big Saturday night entertainment shows. And whenever we're thinking about new shows or new projects for ourselves, we always think about, right? How do we appeal to the whole family? How do you get that? What is it that will bring the whole family together? And like you say, there are less of those big scale shows around. So, um, to kind of get one of those is a bit of a holy grail.

• 6:56Speaker 05

  And I think now, I think now we realise, we're, we're more grateful for it now than we were when we first started hosting those shows. Because we've, we've got families of our own and we've grown up and we're older and we go, God, these are important. And it's important to keep these going because they're, they're getting fewer and fewer.

• 7:11Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, I'm so grateful because honestly I've got honey. Watching these American YouTubers who are talking like this and they talk so quickly. And it's all about makeup and oh my god, this is my new eyeliner. I feel like I'm having a nervous breakdown when it's on. And then Rex is watching something about gaming in the other room and you just lose everyone. But then everyone comes together, which is so lovely. So we're grateful. But let's talk about new projects because this is a great start to 2026 for you. You're starting your own podcast.

• 7:38Speaker 06

  We are indeed.

• 7:40Fearne Cotton?

  This is exciting.

• 7:41Speaker 05

  It is very exciting.

• 7:42Speaker 06

  It's really exciting. We actually did a pilot for a podcast about.

• 7:47Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 7:48Speaker 06

  Fifteen years ago.

• 7:49Fearne Cotton?

  What?

• 7:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, we did, yeah.

• 7:50Speaker 06

  Years ago, when podcasting was in its infancy.

• 7:53Speaker 05

  In a pub.

• 7:54Speaker 06

  In a pub. It was down the pub with Ant and Dec and it was us down the pub with a few mates. And we'd chat and stuff and it was in the evening and we'd have a few drinks and we listened back to it. We could never release this. We could never do this.

• 8:07Speaker 05

  Those tapes can never get out.

• 8:08Speaker 06

  We got progressively more drunk during the episode. It was very funny, but so we canned that. Those tapes have either been destroyed or in a safe somewhere. But so we kind of left it there and then here we are 15 years later or whatever it is. And podcasting is booming and we thought, well, the fact is we've got two very young kids now. And we are geographically further apart than we've ever been. Ant's recently moved house. So we don't get to hang out as much as we used to. So when we started thinking about, shall we do a podcast? We were like, what can it be? And we came up with loads of different ideas of maybe we could do this or do that. And then we were like, actually, we just want to hang out.

• 8:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:46Speaker 06

  And we asked our audience on social media, we said like, if we did a podcast, what do you, what, what, what would you like it to be about? And they said, we just want you guys to chat and stuff. So that's what we've done. We've come up with the idea of it's Ant and Dec hanging out. And we just catch up with each other and we've, we've done a few kind of dry runs. We make each other laugh.

• 9:08Speaker 05

  It's as loose as that.

• 9:09Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 9:09Speaker 05

  Like, you know what it's like.

• 9:10Fearne Cotton?

  It's so fun.

• 9:11Speaker 05

  It's exactly what you said at the beginning of this, you know, it's, there's no rules. And you can just go off on tangents and.

• 9:16Speaker 06

  Which is quite weird for us because.

• 9:17Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, of course.

• 9:18Speaker 06

  Like you say, we're like, but surely there's a, surely there's something we have to do now.

• 9:21Fearne Cotton?

  Nothing.

• 9:22Speaker 06

  There's nothing.

• 9:23Fearne Cotton?

  You can make it up as you go along.

• 9:24Speaker 05

  Yeah. And in TV, we rehearse.

• 9:26Fearne Cotton?

  Yes.

• 9:26Speaker 05

  A lot. And we rehearse a lot. We probably rehearse more than other presenters that we know.

• 9:31Speaker 06

  Because we're not very good.

• 9:33Fearne Cotton?

  That is not true.

• 9:34Speaker 05

  You want to rehearse it so much that when things do go wrong, you can go off script, you can mess around and then you know exactly where you are. So you can always bring it back together. Whereas with a podcast, what we've always been attracted to is the fact that there's no rules. You can just kind of say what you want and it can go where you want and it can take as long as you want. So we finally found what we're going to talk about, which is nonsense and just hanging out stuff, catch it up. And yeah, we'll see what happens.

• 10:02Fearne Cotton?

  That's so exciting.

• 10:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, people keep saying, namely our wives keep saying, are you nervous about it? Are you nervous that it's going to be rubbish? Well, I wasn't until you mentioned it.

• 10:12Fearne Cotton?

  Are they nervous about it?

• 10:12Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 10:13Fearne Cotton?

  That's what we're saying.

• 10:14Speaker 06

  They're nervous because they might not come out of it so well.

• 10:17Fearne Cotton?

  Right, okay. They will be on the list of things to discuss.

• 10:19Speaker 06

  Oh, they're definitely on the list.

• 10:20Fearne Cotton?

  They're on the list.

• 10:22Speaker 05

  Six pages of notes.

• 10:25Fearne Cotton?

  I mean, when you look back at your extraordinary career, because you're what, is it 37 years in? Have I done the maths right? I'm not going to.

• 10:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, it will be.

• 10:34Fearne Cotton?

  Something like that.

• 10:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, it is, yeah.

• 10:36Fearne Cotton?

  So that is an insanely long time to have been doing, but it's not the same thing. Because when you look back at the stretch of your career, you've acted, you've been pop stars, which I love.

• 10:46Speaker 05

  In the loosest possible term.

• 10:47Fearne Cotton?

  Come on, you were bona fide pop stars. I saw you at the Smash Hits Polewinners Party, for goodness sake. I was cheering you on.

• 10:53Speaker 06

  That's true.

• 10:54Fearne Cotton?

  But when I tell my kids, oh, you know, these guys used to like do music, my son will be like, what, brov? You know, in the brov stage, what? What, brov?

• 11:02Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:02Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, and I'll play a song and they're like, what? But you've had all of these different iterations of your career. Have there been any moments where you've actually stopped and gone, oh my God? Because you're just, it's relentless. It's not like you go, oh, I'm going to have a year off, whatever. It's just next project, next TV show, next project. Do you have moments where you go, this is actually wild, what we've achieved and how much we've navigated?

• 11:23Speaker 05

  Only when you have to do like a book and you have to look back and you're forced to look back on your career. We never kind of stop on a daily basis and go, this is crazy, isn't it? You just kind of get on with it. You just kind of roll with it and do the next project and enjoy what you do. I think we're saying this the other day, the older you get and the longer you've been doing it, and this is really genuine, the more grateful you are for what you do. And I'm more grateful now than I've ever been doing any of the shows because I love them. And. Because of that, you sit in the moment more and you go, this is wild, this is brilliant. Like the last season of Celebrity, it was a beautiful morning, we had just finished the rehearsals, we were just about to go live, it was like 6:45 AM and the sun was, we had a couple of rainy days, the sun was out and I remember thinking,

• 12:08Speaker 05

  this is tremendous, how lucky are we to be doing this?

• 12:12Speaker 06

  Whereas I think maybe 10 years ago.

• 12:14Speaker 05

  I would just get rid of the hangover.

• 12:18Speaker 05

  10 years ago, I'd be like, where am I?

• 12:22Speaker 06

  But yeah, you just, you roll through it, you just go, oh, okay, another show, let's just do it. And you kind of, you're not, you're not as present. And maybe it's a thing of getting older, maybe.

• 12:31Fearne Cotton?

  I think it is.

• 12:32Speaker 06

  Maybe, maybe it's having kids, maybe.

• 12:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think it's a bit of all of that, definitely.

• 12:36Fearne Cotton?

  I love it. I think getting older, it's just your perspective is so different. I'm exactly the same. If I look back to when I was in my twenties, I took so much of what I was doing at work for granted.

• 12:45Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 12:46Fearne Cotton?

  And then now I'm like, what, I get to do this again this week?

• 12:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:50Fearne Cotton?

  I get to go and film this or do that, or that person wants to come on the podcast. I'm sort of incredulous to all of it all the time. Whereas back in the day, I'd be like, well, of course, I'm interviewing Madonna or whatever, you know, I never think like that now. I think getting older just does give you that baseline of gratitude.

• 13:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, it does. And things blindside you as well though, don't you find? Like from your past, you must get this, like people will show you a picture and you, and it really, really, you don't remember it, but then you go, oh my God, that's a different life. Or look at the, look at the hairstyles, look at the clothes, look at everything, the fashion. But my, one of my daughter's boyfriends, right, we were talking about this the other day, his favourite song, one of his favourite songs is Shout by PJ and Duncan.

• 13:31Fearne Cotton?

  Oh, yes.

• 13:32Speaker 05

  I mean, what the hell?

• 13:33Fearne Cotton?

  That is great.

• 13:34Speaker 05

  Like, what the hell?

• 13:36Fearne Cotton?

  Throwback.

• 13:37Speaker 05

  A, it wasn't a very successful song.

• 13:38Speaker 06

  And B, you took lead vocal, one of the rare times you took lead vocal. What?

• 13:43Speaker 05

  Don't think it was top 10. But the fact that that's, how is that one of your favourite songs? That's just crazy. And I never thought about that song, probably for 10 years.

• 13:52Fearne Cotton?

  Wow. I mean, I play your songs quite a lot on my radio show.

• 13:54Speaker 05

  Do you? Oh, yeah, girl, we know you do.

• 13:57Fearne Cotton?

  I do. And it's, do you know what? With your songs, the best thing are the lyrics. Some of the lyrics are just, they're so great. There was one, I texted you the other day and I can't think what it was, but it was just genius, genius lyrics. Come on.

• 14:11Speaker 06

  Not all of them, we weren't responsible for all of them. We only got involved in the songwriting towards the end of our career when it was all going downhill.

• 14:17Speaker 05

  When the album sales went downhill. The more we wrote, the less we sold.

• 14:20Fearne Cotton?

  Right, okay, I see how this works.

• 14:24Fearne Cotton?

  It's so brilliant.

• 14:25Speaker 06

  Sometimes I look back at some of them, like some of the lyrics to Let's Get Ready to Rumble. And you're like, oh, my toes are curling.

• 14:31Fearne Cotton?

  No, no, Let's Get Ready to Rumble is genius from start to finish. That's undisputable.

• 14:35Speaker 05

  But at the time, even in the studio, when we were recording that single, we were like, this is a bit cringy, isn't it? Isn't this, did people actually say this?

• 14:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:43Fearne Cotton?

  And that song, that song still follows you around. That's going nowhere.

• 14:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's going nowhere.

• 14:47Fearne Cotton?

  That's going nowhere, guys. Sorry about that.

• 14:49Speaker 05

  Again, I'm grateful for that now.

• 14:50Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:51Speaker 05

  There was a period where we were so embarrassed about it, embarrassed about even recording it and releasing it and then flicking it on the world. And then we brought it back on Saturday Night Takeaway and after, what was it, 19 years? And, and because we'd done it on Saturday Night Takeaway and we had fun with it and enjoyed it, it, it went to number one. It was never number one before. It was like number nine. So I think it kind of.

• 15:15Fearne Cotton?

  Not forgotten it.

• 15:16Speaker 05

  The passage of time always helps you.

• 15:19Speaker 06

  But do you know what? I feel really grateful and really lucky that actually we're still, um, we're still in, sitting in our career. And we're able to look back and, and be really grateful for everything. I would hate it if our career was over and we were sat at home and going, God, we had a brilliant career and I never really appreciated it at the time.

• 15:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:42Speaker 06

  To, to be still in our career.

• 15:44Speaker 05

  Still doing it.

• 15:44Speaker 06

  And still going strong and have a newfound kind of appreciation for everything. I feel incredibly lucky.

• 15:50Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah. I think also so much of it is so fast paced at the start that you just don't get a minute to go, am I enjoying it? I'm just doing it.

• 15:58Speaker 06

  And you never, you know what it's like? You never feel like you've made it.

• 16:00Fearne Cotton?

  No.

• 16:01Speaker 06

  You know, you never feel like, oh, great, I can relax now.

• 16:02Fearne Cotton?

  I think people would be surprised to hear you guys say that though, because you are top of your game. And you've relentlessly been top of your game. You know, we, we've just seen you succeed and succeed. And I think it's actually really important to hear people at the top of their game say, oh no, I don't feel like I've ever nailed it. Because we all can compare ourselves or look at other people and go, but they must feel different to me.

• 16:25Speaker 06

  I still feel like that now. I still feel like we haven't made it. I feel like it could all go tomorrow, like, you know, in, in the blink of an eye. You never know. And. I guess it's another one of those things, getting older, you kind of go, when it is over, what is, what is the legacy? What is, what have we left behind? And I don't know, you go, you go, I don't know, I don't know. You know, like for us, we love Mokumwais and you, you can watch them every Christmas because they've left such an incredible legacy and we, we, we enjoy them still now. People still talk about them now. And you kind of go, will people still talk about us in 20 years? I don't know, you know.

• 17:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:01Speaker 06

  You don't, you don't think so. You don't ever kind of feel you've achieved any kind of greatness or.

• 17:10Speaker 05

  Legacy.

• 17:10Speaker 06

  Any kind of legacy. You just, we all just get up tomorrow and we try and do it all again and I don't know if you ever feel like you, I don't know if you ever feel like you've made it.

• 17:19Fearne Cotton?

  I mean, you undoubtedly, we talked about for years to come, but I think when you're you, you don't, you don't have that outside perspective. You're just living in it and hoping for the best. We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. So you do just have to, I guess, wake up and put one foot in front of the other and try again.

• 17:35Speaker 06

  Just go again.

• 17:36Speaker 05

  I've found being out of the game of being on telly and, you know, kind of show business, whatever, and then coming back into it again, a newfound appreciation for it, a newfound respect for everyone that does it. You, you are able to, and not many people get to do this in their lives, is, is just kind of step off the merry-go-round a little bit and go, okay, if I'm, if I'm allowed to get back on, then I'll do things different. I'll think different and I will enjoy it more. That's the main thing. Cause, and, and, and I did, and you know, like things are wonderful. And I think that really helps your perspective on, on life. And it's just a laugh, you know, like we, we're in the best, we do the best job in the world. We have a laugh every day.

• 18:19Speaker 05

  Every day we turn up together, we'll always have a laugh.

• 18:23Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 18:23Speaker 05

  Even if the show's terrible, or it wasn't a great episode. Well, we, we, we've hosted some turkeys over the years. It hasn't always been success after success, but even if we're having a bad day at work, we, we can still have a laugh because I go to work with my best mate. I mean, that, life doesn't get better, does it?

• 18:38Fearne Cotton?

  It doesn't, but I think it's this, the industry is weird and it can feel a lot more serious than it should be.

• 18:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:45Fearne Cotton?

  Because people around you. Put that sort of severity on it, like you mustn't mess up or this has to be okay. Or we have to get these viewing figures and you can get, you know, totally in that vortex of worry and concern that things aren't going okay, or this is much more serious than it needs to be. And I think if you can actually, like you say, especially when you step out of it for a minute, you know, I haven't done TV for a long time, so I'm not in that world anymore. And I've not got massive desires to get back into it. I think because I've had that long out of it, it just sort of terrifies me because of all of those things. And because it is so exposing, you know, and you are in people's front rooms and in people's, you know, homes and it's, and they're turning on their TV and you're just there.

• 19:28Fearne Cotton?

  I think that responsibility feels huge, but if you can always go back to, I'm having fun, that means success to me. It's not about numbers. It's not about popularity. It's, I had, I had a nice day. Like that surely is success.

• 19:43Speaker 05

  And remember how it felt in the beginning, you know, it's a privilege to be in someone's living room on a Saturday night, hosting the big shows. That's, that's, that's not, that's more than a job. That's a, that's a real privilege and an honour that people trust you enough to go, I'm going to settle down with my kids and, and you're going to entertain for an hour, hour and a half.

• 20:02Speaker 06

  And we don't take that lightly either. You know, we, like I said before, we, when we're looking at projects, we always look at how can we get the whole family together? And to, to entertain the whole family is, is no mean feat. And you've got to try and, try and grab each generation and entertain them. And we, we take that, it's, it's, it's entertainment and it's fun, but we take it incredibly seriously when we're, when we're working on it.

• 20:46Speaker 01

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• 21:18Speaker 08

  Hello, this is Susie Ruffel. And Maisy Adams. And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it? Only the best podcast ever. Yes. A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel. Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping too. Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts, you just need to search Big Kick Energy. Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.

• 21:51Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, it is. And people feel like they know you because of that mindset. You know, you are part of everyone's family life. You know, you're that moment after dinner where you all sit down together. And because you've consistently been in our lives, people do assume they know who you are as people, which is...

• 22:08Speaker 05

  I mean, I've had people pull up chairs at tables when I'm out for dinner.

• 22:13Fearne Cotton?

  What, just to join you?

• 22:14Speaker 05

  Sorry, sorry about that. I didn't know you were gonna be in there. I didn't know you were there. He's constantly doing it. I'm with the missus, leave us alone. Yeah, just to sit down. And like at first you were gassed and then later on you're like, I kind of get it.

• 22:27Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 22:28Speaker 05

  They kind of think we're mates because they see us all the time on telly.

• 22:31Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 22:32Speaker 05

  And you're all right. I mean, it didn't last long. It was like 20 minutes, 20 long minutes.

• 22:36Fearne Cotton?

  That's too long.

• 22:36Speaker 05

  Yeah. We're not having starters, we're just going for mid course.

• 22:39Fearne Cotton?

  Exactly. Made an out, no pudding.

• 22:42Fearne Cotton?

  It is, I mean, that is a wonderful thing that people feel they've got that intimacy with you. But I think when there's a level of assumption as to who you are.

• 22:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:50Fearne Cotton?

  That is hard. I think that is very tricky when people assume they know everything about you because they see you a lot. Obviously, you're your authentic selves as much as you can be.

• 22:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:59Fearne Cotton?

  In a, in a TV format or podcast, whatever it is. But there's a whole other side to everyone that we see on our screens. Whether it's the times when you're sad at home, when you're struggling, when there's just like boring everyday mundane stresses going on. People can't know you fully. They can't. It's impossible.

• 23:16Speaker 06

  Yeah, it is impossible. And also there's, there's that whole thing, like I've said, and which is, which is what's inspired the podcast is we're both now dads to very small kids. So when you're out with them and maybe they're not behaving and they.

• 23:30Fearne Cotton?

  Oh, that is the pits.

• 23:31Speaker 06

  You've got to, now listen.

• 23:33Fearne Cotton?

  People are looking at you.

• 23:33Speaker 06

  And people, and sometimes like you see the phones coming out and go, don't start filming me disciplining my kids. Or I'll go, can we, can I just get a, would it be okay to get it? You're like, oh.

• 23:44Speaker 05

  You shouldn't smack them in public, right?

• 23:47Fearne Cotton?

  You've got to rein that in.

• 23:48Speaker 05

  I, I would have filmed you as well, sent it to the authorities.

• 23:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have threatened to smash his face in. I just said, just some comes so naturally to me.

• 23:57Fearne Cotton?

  I mean, it is hard though. I've had that where I'm, my, you know, my kids are older now, but when they were tiny and they're just being little shits, like all kids are. And you wanna go, oh my God, pack it in. But you're having to do gentle parenting because people are watching. You know, this is just how I parent normally, guys. Just, we're gonna take some deep breaths, okay? And we're gonna just, I, I understand that you're angry and inside you're going, fuck. It's the worst. It's so bad.

• 24:21Speaker 06

  It's so hard.

• 24:22Fearne Cotton?

  It's so stressful.

• 24:22Speaker 06

  It's so hard. But they, but again, that's, that's kind of one of the reasons we wanted to do the podcast was just to be able to get in a safe space. And go, oh my God, this is really hard. And talk about parenting and talk about all the other things.

• 24:35Fearne Cotton?

  Parenting is why, parenting should be illegal. It's like, it's insane. It's so, it's so mad.

• 24:41Speaker 05

  Not everyone's great at it. And do you know, none of us know what we're doing.

• 24:44Fearne Cotton?

  We don't, we don't.

• 24:45Speaker 06

  That's what I was gonna say. It's like.

• 24:46Fearne Cotton?

  We haven't got a clue.

• 24:47Speaker 06

  None of us really know. All, all we can do is go, oh God, how, what would, what did my parents do to me?

• 24:56Speaker 06

  Not necessarily do the opposite, but and also it's like, don't react, don't get angry. How do I, what do I, what should I do? Oh God, I think there's a book, isn't there a book? And obviously, first thing I did when Ayla was born was I read the book you wish your parents had read.

• 25:11Fearne Cotton?

  Oh yeah, Philippa Perry?

• 25:12Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 25:13Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, great book.

• 25:13Speaker 06

  Great. And then I'm trying to go, what did Philippa say in the book? I'm sure this is chapter eight and I can't quite remember.

• 25:20Fearne Cotton?

  It's so hard.

• 25:21Speaker 05

  When me and Amsie first got together, because she had the two girls and they were like 11 and 13 when we met. She was like a sage to me because she just knew it all. And I was just, I was like a sponge and I just tried to learn everything. Now while has come along, it's almost as if, it's almost as if she's forgotten everything. And we're both, it's quite nice to both start and again.

• 25:43Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 05

  Do you know what I mean? Like the other day, he's gone through this really weird, you know, remember the no stage? And it's all, no, no, no, and it's no. And everything to me is no and everything to his mom is that he loves her. And she's a real mommy boy at the minute.

• 25:57Speaker 06

  Oh, that's really annoying. That's so annoying.

• 26:00Fearne Cotton?

  You can have thousands of people on TV watching you and loving you, but you've got your son saying no, that hurts.

• 26:06Speaker 05

  I had a real day where on the flight back from Newcastle, I was getting no, he didn't want me to hold him. Everything was mommy, mommy, mommy. And then we got back and then we played this game where he hid under the stairs. And then I had to pretend I wasn't looking and then he would go, ah, and I'd get scared and he loved it. And then Amsie came out and went, can I join in? And he went, no. She went, oh, it's just boys time. I see. And I felt amazing, right? And then later on I said, I know what you did earlier. You did that for my, you did, didn't you?

• 26:36Fearne Cotton?

  That's so lovely.

• 26:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, I did. I went, thank you very much. I know you did, even in the moment, I knew you were doing it. You didn't have to come out then.

• 26:43Fearne Cotton?

  But it still felt good.

• 26:44Speaker 05

  But it felt amazing.

• 26:47Fearne Cotton?

  It's so hard though, isn't it? The whole thing is absolutely bananas.

• 26:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:51Fearne Cotton?

  It's just mad, mad, mad, mad.

• 26:53Speaker 05

  No idea, we're all making it up.

• 26:55Fearne Cotton?

  We're making it up. We haven't got a clue. Rex is about to turn 13 and I'm like, I am in the the BO kind of calling me bruv stage, right? I don't know how this works. It's, I've, I've got, you know, kit, stepkids. And again, I can't remember any of it. Like, what, how did we do this bit? And it's mad. It's just wild.

• 27:13Speaker 06

  That's the thing is, there's part of it as well where you go, oh my God, this is such a hard stage. And you had it in Australia when, you know, he's being a baby and he's like, just do wait. Wait till he gets up on his feet and he starts crawling, walking around.

• 27:25Speaker 05

  That's it's gone now.

• 27:26Fearne Cotton?

  You're screwed then.

• 27:27Speaker 06

  Every, every, every next phase is like, I don't know what to do with that phase. But yeah, I mean, you, you just, you just get on with it. Do you, just do your best.

• 27:34Speaker 05

  But when you hang out with them, especially my older two as well, when you hang out with them and you're having a good day, they're the greatest.

• 27:41Fearne Cotton?

  Oh, it's the best, the best thing ever. Unbeatable.

• 27:44Speaker 05

  I say that to my wife. I was like, I'd rather hang out with you guys than, than anyone else in the world.

• 27:50Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 27:50Speaker 05

  Other than Deco I'm doing a podcast with about hanging out.

• 27:54Speaker 05

  But because it's just, it's, I just, yes, you love them and you've got short hands and all of that. But when there's proper joy there, it's unbeatable. Yeah.

• 28:03Fearne Cotton?

  It is the absolute best.

• 28:05Speaker 06

  Your kids got short hands?

• 28:07Fearne Cotton?

  Just learning new things every day.

• 28:08Speaker 06

  Every day. I never noticed.

• 28:09Fearne Cotton?

  Do you know what? One of the shows that I loved the most, and I was texting you about this the other day, was the DNA journey. I just thought was so brilliant for so many reasons. And one of them was because you were sort of out of control. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But you were, you were out of control. It wasn't the TV shiny floor setup. You were just two people finding your way through this exceptional family lineage. It was just a joy to watch that. Did you?

• 28:35Speaker 06

  It was quite nerve wracking for us not being in control because we're so.

• 28:39Speaker 05

  More for you. You were really nervous, weren't you?

• 28:41Speaker 06

  I was really nervous doing it.

• 28:42Fearne Cotton?

  You seemed nervous at the start for sure.

• 28:43Speaker 06

  Yeah. And, and, and I couldn't quite put my finger on why, but I guess I, I, I was, I didn't know what I was gonna discover. Which is, you know, when we do these shows, all of us, you know, you're never quite sure. But I think, uh, it hadn't been long since I lost my dad and we, we started on this, so.

• 29:03Speaker 06

  I got quite emotional on the journey anyway, and it was quite nerve wracking. But yeah, we're so used to rehearsing things and being fully prepped and having an earpiece and knowing where to go if, when the next bit of information comes on. We had none of that. So we just had to go on this, this journey and go on this wild ride. It was, what was really enjoyable was doing it together.

• 29:23Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 29:24Speaker 06

  And sharing it with somebody, um, and, and uncovering what was in our past and where we'd really come from.

• 29:32Speaker 05

  And then we end up having this kind of one upmanship where,

• 29:35Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 29:36Speaker 05

  you know, whoever has the best kind of lineage wins.

• 29:39Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 29:39Speaker 05

  Um, which I think we always naturally, as best friends, you always kind of do that as in a bantery way anyway. So it's quite good to be able to do it on such a serious subject matter.

• 29:51Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, it was nice to see you with your families too, because we don't really see that side of you.

• 29:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, we try to keep them away from the camera.

• 29:58Fearne Cotton?

  But you do, like, everybody has that natural regression where you sort of become a kid when you're at home.

• 30:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:04Fearne Cotton?

  Even when you're like in your forties, fifties.

• 30:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:06Fearne Cotton?

  You just regress back.

• 30:07Speaker 05

  Oh, you still get told off.

• 30:08Fearne Cotton?

  You still get told off. But it was really nice to see you with your mums, with your siblings, hanging out. You're both from very different setups in terms of, you come from a very big family. You've got lots of siblings. And, and it was you, your mum and your sister.

• 30:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:22Fearne Cotton?

  How do you think your respective backgrounds informed or have informed who you are today?

• 30:29Speaker 05

  Oh God, I think they're everything. Uh, I think how you're, how you're parented, who your friends are, what your school is like, where you live, um, it makes you who you are. Yeah. I, but I also, I think it, it doesn't just stop when you're like 10 and, or 11, when you go to senior school. But we met at 13 at Bitter Grove. And my world was, so I, I had one worldview up until that point. And then as soon as I worked on Bitter Grove, my worldview just expanded massively because we were going to work and it was a proper job. You know, even though we're kids, it was still a job and time is money.

• 31:08Speaker 06

  You were expected to turn up and have your scripts.

• 31:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, you had to be prepared, you know, you had to be responsible. So you had to grow up a bit faster. You know, I came from, um, a, a family where my mum and dad split up. So I naturally probably, and I was the eldest child, so I naturally probably grew up a little bit all quicker than a lot of my friends. Um, so. You evolve and evolve and evolve and then you go through all of that and it's not until, I would say it's not way until my 30s that I kind of really, even 40 maybe, that I figure out who the hell I was and I'm still, still figuring it out.

• 31:42Speaker 06

  We all are.

• 31:43Fearne Cotton?

  We all are, yeah.

• 31:44Speaker 05

  Or you all look at me saying that.

• 31:45Fearne Cotton?

  You're still trying. No, we're all, I think, yeah, God, who knows?

• 31:50Speaker 05

  But you are the result of, of all of those things, don't you?

• 31:53Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah. How do you think your childhood informed who you are, coming from a big family like that?

• 31:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think, um, in contrast to, having been the youngest of the family, um, I was kind of, uh...

• 32:06Speaker 05

  Spoiled.

• 32:08Speaker 06

  Sorry, did you cough?

• 32:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, I coughed, yeah.

• 32:13Speaker 06

  I was...

• 32:16Speaker 06

  Encouraged?

• 32:16Speaker 05

  Encouraged.

• 32:17Fearne Cotton?

  Encouraged, okay, yeah. Diplomatic, I like it.

• 32:20Speaker 05

  I'm gonna use that from now on, whenever I'm accused of spoiling the girls, I'm like, I'm encouraging them!

• 32:24Speaker 06

  I was encouraged, uh, and, um, yeah, maybe by the time, like, maybe by the time you get to your seventh kid, you're just like, oh, whatever, because we all, you know, we all know.

• 32:36Fearne Cotton?

  Don't worry about him.

• 32:37Speaker 06

  He'll be, he'll be fine.

• 32:38Speaker 05

  He'll fend for himself.

• 32:38Speaker 06

  We've got six of us, he'll be fine. So, um, I was allowed maybe a little more leeway than all of the others, I was encouraged more, um...

• 32:48Speaker 05

  You're lucky because in medieval times you would never have made it.

• 32:51Speaker 06

  No.

• 32:51Speaker 05

  To adulthood, you wouldn't, the seventh child.

• 32:53Fearne Cotton?

  There's no way.

• 32:54Speaker 05

  That's it, no way.

• 32:55Fearne Cotton?

  Smallpox.

• 32:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly. Run to the litter.

• 33:00Speaker 06

  I'm saying nothing. Um, but I think, even though we came from very different backgrounds, I think both of our upbringings, we had very strong family values and actually our, our upbringings weren't that different, uh, in the values that were instilled in both of us, that it was, you know, family first and, um, and about being kind to other people and, and being, you know, um, caring and kind and, you know, so I think, I think we all had, I think we had very similar values and I think that's partly why we, we clicked because we both kind of saw that in each other.

• 33:37Speaker 05

  And I think there's a... Especially when you come from a working class background, you can never be flashy. Even even now, you know, to to kind of show off wealth or anything is kind of frowned upon. And I see that now when I look at Instagram, whatever, and and it's there's a completely different. There's a different culture to that now where you people flout off what flout what they've got. And I'm like, it's so far removed from how we were brought up.

• 34:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:02Speaker 05

  I I I don't get it and I'm I I maybe I'm not meant to get it, you know.

• 34:07Fearne Cotton?

  No.

• 34:07Speaker 05

  I can't I can't get my head around it.

• 34:09Fearne Cotton?

  Because you're grounded humans and you know, and you still go back and see your families and go back to Newcastle. You don't want to go back and everyone go, what, what? You know, that's the last thing you want. You're just you're someone's brother, you're someone's son.

• 34:21Speaker 06

  A few people might say that.

• 34:25Speaker 06

  Let's not let's not over generalize.

• 34:26Fearne Cotton?

  Okay, okay. But no, I thought it was a beautiful show and I just loved the poignancy of it. And it was just a wonderful eye opener to see those sides of you.

• 34:37Speaker 06

  It was interesting as well.

• 34:38Fearne Cotton?

  Very special.

• 34:38Speaker 06

  Thank you. And it was it was really interesting because I kind of knew that my DNA was back in Ireland to from.

• 34:45Fearne Cotton?

  I mean, you're both incredibly Irish for the two most famous Geordies.

• 34:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:49Fearne Cotton?

  You're like so Irish.

• 34:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, so Irish. I knew my lineage back to day one was literally Ireland and you can kind of, you know, put put in a map. My family has kind of travelled the furthest we've gone is to Newcastle. So but yours, you didn't really have a clue about where you were going and what you were going.

• 35:06Speaker 05

  I thought we were Scottish because my dad kind of left us when we were eight. And I'd see him now, but I didn't see him for a long period of time. So there's no one to answer that me and my granddad had passed passed away. I I there's nobody to ask those questions to. So I thought we were Scottish, I just thought Magportland sounded Scottish, must be Scottish.

• 35:24Speaker 06

  We'll go with that.

• 35:24Speaker 05

  I I think I even got a kill designed because I thought we were Scottish. Um, in fact, I did, I don't think I did.

• 35:31Fearne Cotton?

  That's going to come out at some point, surely.

• 35:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'll wear that at some point. Um, so doing this, it really astounded me that it was Irish. And then Syrian, which was.

• 35:40Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 35:40Speaker 05

  Mesopotamian roots, which.

• 35:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, very exotic.

• 35:44Fearne Cotton?

  So exotic.

• 35:45Speaker 05

  Explains why our tan so well, first. And my very Irish friend doesn't.

• 35:50Fearne Cotton?

  Do you know what? That is exciting because why did Who Do You Think You Are? I was, you know, they like, you don't know where you're gonna go. They're just like, have your passport ready. And I was thinking, oh my God, please be like, I don't know, Sweden or somewhere like properly chic or whatever. And of course, it was Ireland. I was on a plane to Ireland, Northern Ireland to, you know, go and see where my ancestors are from. But so many Irish roots. I think it was like Ireland to Liverpool. But having a little exotic touch there. It's amazing.

• 36:13Speaker 05

  Nice, little sprinkle.

• 36:17Speaker 02

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• 36:47Speaker 09

  This December, the magic of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol returns to Virginia Repertory Theatre in downtown Richmond. Experience the transformation of Ebenezer Scrooge as he's visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future, and rediscovers the joy and true meaning of the holiday season. Performances run November 18th through December 27th. Tickets on sale now at virginia rep dot org or by calling 804 282 2620.

• 37:17Fearne Cotton?

  Hello, this is Suzy Ruffel.

• 37:18Speaker 08

  And Maisie Adam.

• 37:19Fearne Cotton?

  And together we host Big Kick Energy. Hey Mais, what is it?

• 37:22Speaker 08

  Only the best podcast ever.

• 37:24Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 37:24Speaker 08

  A comedy entertainment podcast with a focus on all things women's football, all things hilarious, all things friendship. It's a laugh is what it is, Ruffel.

• 37:34Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, and a fair bit of gossiping too.

• 37:36Speaker 08

  Oh, and a lovely bit of gossip. Chow down on the gossip.

• 37:38Fearne Cotton?

  Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. You can listen wherever you get your podcasts. Just need to search Big Kick Energy.

• 37:44Speaker 08

  Grab a knife and fork and tuck in, baby.

• 37:50Fearne Cotton?

  How's parenting for you, Dec?

• 37:51Speaker 06

  Great, I love it. I absolutely love it. Honest to God, I find it challenging, I find it hard, but it is the most rewarding thing. And honestly, like, everything we've ever achieved in our career does not hold a candle to being a dad. It is my favourite thing in the world, and I wish I had done it 10 years earlier, if not more, because I love it so much. And, you know, part of my thing now is I'm in that mind frame. We both turned 50 last year, which we don't like talking about very much. But my mind frame is, I just want to be around for as long as I possibly can to grow up with these guys

• 38:33Speaker 06

  and to be as fit and as healthy and as being able to lift them up even when they're 25 and they don't want to be lifted up. I want to lift them. I just want to be there for them and enjoy them for as long as I possibly can because they are the most incredible thing that's ever happened to me.

• 38:49Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, so beautiful.

• 38:51Speaker 06

  I wish, I, honest to God, I wish I'd done it far earlier and had tons more.

• 38:55Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah. I mean, it does make you certainly think about your own health and that you do want to be present and healthy and good to go. One of the things that I desperately want is to be less stressed constantly. Every, and we're in a new year, so it's like, right, how am I gonna manage my stress this year? Or how am I going to just have a slightly different perspective so I don't dive into situations that just don't need my energy in that way?

• 39:19Speaker 06

  I would love that too.

• 39:20Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah. How do you cope with it? Because although, yes, being in TV is a privileged, brilliant job, and it's most of the time fun, it of course has so many behind the scenes stresses that people will never know about. Live TV, but also all the shit that comes with it, like, you know, having to do stuff like press interviews or even press intrusion. I have not dealt well with that myself. I don't like those phone calls, I don't want to know what's going on, the whole thing. You know, it nearly floored me about 14 years ago to the point where I was like, I think I'm out. I think I don't want to do this anymore. I cannot handle it. And I'm sort of getting a bit better, I would say. I'm able to sort of... Maybe take one step back and look at it and go, this is not the end of the world.

• 40:04Fearne Cotton?

  Like, you know, things will be okay. But it's not a nice feeling, having stories out there about you or any press intrusion. How have you coped over the years with that?

• 40:14Speaker 06

  You do learn to grow a bit of a thicker skin. That's the first thing you you you have to do. And some sometimes you have to let something go when you go, when you read something about yourself, you go, this isn't true. This didn't happen or this isn't the the the right perspective. Sometimes you have to let it go because, you know, you you don't want to inflame it or or or give the story, give that any oxygen to to to keep it going. Sometimes you just like, oh, do you know what? Let it go. So that's frustrating at times.

• 40:48Speaker 06

  It's it's not easy and I don't think there is a a fail safe way of going, oh, yeah, I just I just get on with it. I don't read the papers and I don't do this, I don't know. It still hurts, but I think you've just got to, well, we've had to grow a thicker skin. Pick your moments to when you challenge things, when when it's really, really, when you really feel you have to challenge something.

• 41:13Speaker 05

  It it it's true. You've got to stand up for yourself sometimes. And then other times you've got to just realise that it's it's not worth it.

• 41:20Fearne Cotton?

  It's a waste of energy.

• 41:21Speaker 05

  It's a waste of energy. It's not worth it. You know, having having a thick skin or developing a thick skin, I think nobody starts in this business with.

• 41:28Fearne Cotton?

  No.

• 41:28Speaker 05

  You know, you develop it over time, have and developing one is actually, there's a value in it. Because because if anything, you know, like if my kids grow up and they have a develop a thick skin, that's a good thing because you don't want them to be oversensitive to everything. You just don't, you know, and not just press, just life.

• 41:47Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 41:47Speaker 05

  You know, because if you can, if you can put up with stuff and get on with stuff and develop a thick skin or develop a, not even thick skin, a a perspective on things.

• 41:55Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, resilience.

• 41:56Speaker 05

  A resilience, yeah, that's that's all you, that's what I kind of want for them.

• 42:00Speaker 06

  But you're right, I I think sometimes it's being able to step back and look at things in perspective and go, in the grand scheme of things, does this one really matter? Maybe not, let's move on.

• 42:12Fearne Cotton?

  Again, I think with age.

• 42:13Speaker 05

  There's a period, I had loads of stuff written about me, like the horrible stuff and opinion pieces and all that.

• 42:18Speaker 06

  I don't think I read any of those. Was there, was there any?

• 42:21Fearne Cotton?

  Did you write them?

• 42:22Speaker 05

  And.

• 42:24Speaker 05

  It got to a point where you go past being frustrated and upset, you're just, it's almost laughable.

• 42:32Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 42:32Speaker 05

  You just go, you're so far removed from me, this person, it's almost, I'm reading about a third person. I'm reading about this, this other person who, who doesn't exist, that's not me.

• 42:42Fearne Cotton?

  No.

• 42:43Speaker 05

  Um, and as long as you're kind of, you remember that, and if you're a good person, you're still trying to be a good man, you know, I'm trying to, I try to turn my life around and I'm a better man now than I was 10 years ago. I'm, I'm happy with that. So somebody's opinion piece won't, won't change my day.

• 43:01Fearne Cotton?

  But you have to have a real sense of self.

• 43:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:04Fearne Cotton?

  Yourself, like you have to really know who you are, which I think is weirdly harder than it sounds.

• 43:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, it is.

• 43:11Fearne Cotton?

  Our job forces us perhaps to have an idea of that because you're having to present it constantly rather than, you know, just sort of going through life, hoping for the best. Your, your image is reflected back at you constantly. People have an idea of who you are. So you have to be very certain as to who you are, what your set of values are. That's something that perhaps is a, is a good, a benefit that comes from the shit bits of this job, I think.

• 43:36Speaker 06

  Yeah. I don't even know if I, if I have that. I don't know.

• 43:39Fearne Cotton?

  Really?

• 43:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm not sure that I have that certainty about who I am and, and what I, you know, I, I don't know, it's just, I, it's like Anne says, I just get out of bed in the morning, I try to be a good person and I try to be a good dad and I try to be good at my job and.

• 43:55Fearne Cotton?

  I think that's a positive because I think actually when we're so set on ideas as to who we are and how the world works, that's where we get into any kind of battle, isn't it? Is when your, your opinion is so vehement that anybody saying anything other than that is wrong.

• 44:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:10Fearne Cotton?

  And actually, if you get up and you're like, I actually don't have a clue what's going on or who I am. That's kind of a good place to be.

• 44:15Speaker 05

  Oh, we were talking about this the other day, right? I heard somebody say the other day, uh, that all opinions should be provisional, like a provisional driver licence, that you should, that you should have an opinion on something, but always understand that you will travel more, you will meet more people, you will get older, so your opinion can change, right? It's, it's, once you have it, say if you have it in your twenties, you know, you don't gonna, you don't have to stick with that for the rest of your life.

• 44:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:41Speaker 05

  And I was a bit like that over sourdough bread. If I'm honest.

• 44:45Fearne Cotton?

  Very serious, Matt, so we're talking right here, guys, yeah?

• 44:48Speaker 05

  Well, I used to hate it.

• 44:48Fearne Cotton?

  Well, you were, okay, you were anti it?

• 44:50Speaker 05

  Well, I was anti sourdough. Everyone was banging on about sourdough, especially post-

• 44:53Speaker 06

  Ember's new clothes, you said?

• 44:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, I did quote the Ember's new clothes.

• 44:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, you did.

• 44:56Speaker 05

  Because everyone was, "It's amazing, it's Ember's new clothes."

• 44:59Speaker 06

  See, I loved a bit of sourdough. We got into an argument about this.

• 45:01Speaker 05

  We did have an argument about it. Because as soon as you toast a bit of sourdough, it's just hard on your teeth.

• 45:06Fearne Cotton?

  Right.

• 45:07Speaker 05

  Especially with my nashers, you know, they're not all real.

• 45:09Fearne Cotton?

  Okay.

• 45:10Speaker 05

  So, I was like, "Some of this, this is not good." But actually, when you go to Australia and they do like, "How good's that breakfast place that you go to?" And that's sourdough. I said, "What bread's this?" She went, "It's sourdough, mate."

• 45:23Fearne Cotton?

  Oh, gutted.

• 45:23Speaker 05

  I thought, "Oh, I'm gonna have to change your opinion on that." And I have, but I'm all right. And it's okay to say, right?

• 45:29Fearne Cotton?

  It's very flexible of you, very flexible of you.

• 45:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, you've got to, yeah. I mean, I've started with sourdough and I'm gonna apply it to the rest of my life.

• 45:36Speaker 06

  It's called politics now.

• 45:37Speaker 05

  But I'm starting somewhere.

• 45:37Speaker 06

  Politics now.

• 45:38Speaker 05

  It's politics. Yeah, that's the thing, like, politics, or like, don't get, don't jump on something in your twenties or thirties and think you've got to stick with it for the rest of your life. You can change your mind.

• 45:48Fearne Cotton?

  Of course you can. It's so important. We had a guest on who's sadly not alive anymore. This amazing Buddhist monk who had written a book, and I've mentioned this before on the podcast, but it's worth a mention again. A book called, "I May Be Wrong." And that was the whole mantra, was whenever you're in conflict, that in the back of your mind, you just say, "I may be wrong."

• 46:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 46:05Fearne Cotton?

  And you might be.

• 46:06Speaker 05

  Do you ever, do you ever think that?

• 46:07Speaker 06

  Well, I think-

• 46:08Fearne Cotton?

  Really?

• 46:09Speaker 06

  I think maybe wrong and then, no, probably not.

• 46:13Speaker 05

  I suspect probably not.

• 46:14Speaker 06

  But I'm probably right.

• 46:15Fearne Cotton?

  I've got an inkling I'm right.

• 46:18Speaker 06

  But I suspect I'm right.

• 46:20Speaker 05

  For them and I know I'm right. And that's not, in all seriousness, though, what a great way. That's a great way to go through life.

• 46:27Fearne Cotton?

  I think it's a really sensible way to navigate everything.

• 46:30Speaker 06

  I think it's really, really valuable to be able to be in a conversation or be in a disagreement with somebody. Not in a heated disagreement, but like, if you come up against somebody with a different point of view to you, try and see it from their perspective. I think it's so useful to go, "But why do they think like this?" Rather than go, "No, you're wrong and I'm right." And you go on social media and you see people with different opinions in a massive-

• 46:52Fearne Cotton?

  It's relentless.

• 46:53Speaker 06

  Fight. And it's just, it's such an unpleasant place to be.

• 46:57Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah. Most people are doing the best they can with the tools they've got available. And it's that simple.

• 47:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:02Fearne Cotton?

  I mean, how would you say with everything in mind, the sort of craziness of your careers, family life, where you're at in your life today, where is your mental health at? How do you feel mentally?

• 47:17Speaker 05

  I feel pretty good. I do feel pretty, I work at it a lot.

• 47:21Fearne Cotton?

  Does that mean therapy?

• 47:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, not therapy, but I go like, because I'm sober, I kind of, there's things I work on weekly and daily. And even if it's down to just little gratitude lists of an evening and, you know, little prayers and stuff. So it's something that you constantly have to check in with. And because of that, I think comes a gratitude for everything you do and for life and for work and for friendships and relationships and love and everything. So as long as you keep doing that, then you're okay. It's like exercising, as long as you just, there's a little discipline to it, then you'll be all right. But yeah, I feel pretty good.

• 48:01Fearne Cotton?

  Good. How about you, Dec?

• 48:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, I need to work on mine a bit better. I think you're very good and you're very disciplined at doing that. I'm not as disciplined and my approach is a bit more sporadic. And I need to work a bit harder and I try and, I try and start meditating every now and again and I give up because I get distracted and.

• 48:20Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, I just find it boring.

• 48:21Speaker 06

  It is quite boring and.

• 48:23Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, I know that's not the thing I meant to say.

• 48:25Speaker 06

  And I always, I always find I've got something to do. There's always a list. I get a lot of lists from my current wife.

• 48:32Fearne Cotton?

  Current.

• 48:34Speaker 06

  She loves it when I call her that. The current Mrs Dodds. So I get a lot of lists from her of things that I need to do. I need to clear out the garage.

• 48:42Speaker 05

  Do you ever complete the list?

• 48:43Speaker 06

  Never.

• 48:43Fearne Cotton?

  Never.

• 48:44Speaker 06

  Because there's always another thing on the bottom.

• 48:45Fearne Cotton?

  Exactly.

• 48:46Speaker 06

  But yeah, I know, I need to work harder at it. And yeah, but like you say, it's, it's, it's difficult and it's, it's not always brilliant.

• 48:54Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 48:55Speaker 06

  Sometimes I find it harder, harder than others. And yeah, it's, it's, I always feel it's work in progress, which I think we all are, aren't we?

• 49:05Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, my God, absolutely. What do you think the things are that make you tip into not feeling great if there is a period like that? Or even a day?

• 49:14Speaker 06

  It's, I struggle a bit with.

• 49:19Speaker 06

  It's kind of a low level constant anxiety about I should be doing this or I've got something else I need to be doing or, you know, I never feel I can sit down and just watch telly. I always feel like I should be doing something else. There's that anxiety that there's a job that needs to be done somewhere and I should be doing it. So I think I struggle with that a lot of trying to calm that voice in the back of your head going, no, you should be using this time more productively. You should be doing something else. So I struggle a lot with that. And then, yeah, I'm, you know, I'm up and down and I try and I went through a period of having

• 49:59Speaker 06

  therapy about five, five or six years ago and I really, I got a lot out of it. I really enjoyed it. And then I took a little break from it. I think I went away. I went away somewhere on holiday or something and I came back and I text my therapist to put an appointment in and he went, oh no, I've stopped doing that now. What? Well, completely. I don't know if it was me or.

• 50:21Fearne Cotton?

  Was he lying?

• 50:22Speaker 06

  You were the store that brought the cameras back. Or maybe he was lying.

• 50:25Fearne Cotton?

  He's still happily just got his therapy going every week.

• 50:29Speaker 06

  Nobody tells him. Draw the curtains, he's driving past again. So he did recommend somebody else and I've still got that, those details and I haven't contacted the new one.

• 50:39Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, I love it. I go every week and I, yeah.

• 50:43Speaker 06

  It's really, it's really good. And I'm, do you know what? This has inspired me today. I'm gonna go back.

• 50:47Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, I mean, it's not for everyone. I think you've got to feel like it's doing something, that you're benefiting from it in some way, even if it's just helping you make sense of your head, you know.

• 50:55Speaker 06

  Do you know what I found, found really helpful was, because sometimes you can just sit in your own head and have all these thoughts and feelings swimming around in your brain and you don't know how to make sense of them. And sometimes I'd be just sat in a room opposite my guy and you say something out loud and it comes out of your mouth and it goes in your ear and you go, that is ridiculous. What you've just said is ridiculous. But you don't realise that until you've said it And he, and he's gone, but why do you think that? And I go, do you know what? I don't know. Now that I've said that, I've realised that is really stupid.

• 51:28Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 51:29Speaker 06

  But it's swimming around in your head and you don't know how to deal with it.

• 51:31Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, or even writing it down. I think seeing it on a page, you're like, what? That's how I feel. It's mad. But it's just all trapped until you've said it, written it down.

• 51:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 51:40Fearne Cotton?

  It's a good exercise.

• 51:41Speaker 06

  It really, really is. But yeah, I, I, I think, um, I think we're all work in progress. And you know what is that saying? We're all kind of products of the slings and arrows we've faced over the years. Both of our upbringing and then of all the experiences and slings and arrows that we face. We are products of that and we're all, we're all work in progress.

• 52:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:04Fearne Cotton?

  Without a doubt.

• 52:05Speaker 06

  And that's why I think.

• 52:05Speaker 05

  Progress, not perfection.

• 52:06Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, perfection's boring.

• 52:10Speaker 06

  And that's why I think, you know, you always see those things just to be kind to other people and be, be, um, mindful of, we're all going through this mad world and are just products of, none of us really know what we're doing. We're just trying to make the best of it. So let's give each other a bit of a break sometimes.

• 52:27Fearne Cotton?

  Agreed, agreed. And where would you say your happy places?

• 52:33Speaker 05

  In that joyful moment, uh, at home surrounded by my wife and the kids where it's just, no one's having a stop. Everyone is just on their, they've brought their A game. Do you know what I mean?

• 52:47Fearne Cotton?

  An A game day.

• 52:48Speaker 06

  Is that their A game?

• 52:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:49Speaker 06

  You brought their A game.

• 52:50Fearne Cotton?

  It's just all about me.

• 52:52Speaker 05

  But it changes. It's there. It's when we are, um, writing at work and we're laughing a lot and just loving that moment.

• 52:59Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah, in the flow of it.

• 53:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. It's different moments, different places, different times, trying to find the happy in lots of different places. But I would say fundamentally, that's the home.

• 53:10Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah. How about you, Dec?

• 53:11Speaker 06

  Cuddles in bed, um, with the wife.

• 53:14Speaker 05

  I am a very good cuddler.

• 53:17Speaker 05

  And Ally, yes.

• 53:19Speaker 06

  With Ally, the kids, um, obviously back in Newcastle with the family. Uh, I was just up there last week. Being up there with my kids and with my family and, and yeah, being in the thick of it at work, being in that creative process. Sometimes when we sit around a table with us and some of the members of our team and kicking ideas around and making each other laugh and, and you know, getting to the end of the day and your belly hurts because you've laughed so much. And a lot of what you've come up with has been rubbish, but you've had the best time doing it and, and, and really fun times. So that's why I feel so blessed that I've got that amazing family, both at home, my kids and Ali and fantastic work.

• 54:07Speaker 06

  A fantastic work life and get to do it with me, Wes, mate.

• 54:11Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah.

• 54:11Speaker 06

  I mean, how lucky are we?

• 54:13Fearne Cotton?

  So lucky, but so deserved as well. So deserved. And I've actually got a small gift for you here.

• 54:18Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 54:19Fearne Cotton?

  Don't get too excited.

• 54:22Fearne Cotton?

  But because this is your first ever podcast.

• 54:26Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:27Fearne Cotton?

  That's your popping of your cherry.

• 54:29Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 54:31Speaker 05

  Oh, that's good. Only one. We'll have to share.

• 54:36Fearne Cotton?

  Yeah. So it brings Got Talent.

• 54:41Speaker 05

  Oh, that's very kind of you.

• 54:42Fearne Cotton?

  Oh, God.

• 54:44Speaker 05

  I thought you meant another award.

• 54:46Speaker 06

  Got two confetti for one, one, one trophy.

• 54:48Speaker 05

  Well done. I'm popping your podcast cherry.

• 54:51Fearne Cotton?

  Sorry about that.

• 54:52Speaker 05

  Well, I'm sharing. Six months of mine, six months of yours.

• 54:54Fearne Cotton?

  Exactly.

• 54:54Speaker 05

  It looks like the Champions League trophy.

• 54:57Speaker 06

  It does.

• 54:57Fearne Cotton?

  There you go. That's why we got it.

• 54:59Speaker 05

  That's why.

• 54:59Speaker 06

  Do you know what? We've got to put that on the shelves behind us in our new podcast.

• 55:04Fearne Cotton?

  There you go.

• 55:05Speaker 06

  And hanging out with Ant and Dec.

• 55:07Fearne Cotton?

  That will look nice next to your eight million NTAs, I thought. Ant and Dec, thank you so much for being on Happy Place and good luck with your podcast.

• 55:16Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 55:16Fearne Cotton?

  So exciting.

• 55:17Speaker 06

  Thank you. Thanks for having us. We've really enjoyed it.

• 55:26Speaker 10

  Because you didn't just say, "How can I provide these investments?" You'd be, "How do I holistically provide everything? How do I bring in the legal, the accounting, all this? And do it at a price point no one else is doing it."

• 55:35Speaker 11

  Learn more about how we approach wealth management at creativeplanning.com/integrated.

• 55:40Speaker 09

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• 56:10Speaker 07

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• 56:40Speaker 12

  Help, I sexted my boss is the podcast where manners meets mayhem. I'm William Hanson. I'm Jordan North. And together we take on the hilarious challenges of modern life. William's the arbiter of etiquette. And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang. So if you want laugh-out-loud stories and brutally honest moments, then you'll love Help, I Sexted My Boss. Watch and listen every Tuesday and Friday. On YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Just search Sexted. Be warned, it's a bit rude.