Lil’ Peep (Rewind): A new hip-hop and emo fusion; trap beats, tender lyrics, too much Xanax and an overdose that’s still mysterious.

Lil’ Peep was a once-in-a-generation talent. Poised to become a new Cobain, Bowie or Dylan, but whose life was cut short by an overdose that’s still mysterious. Depression, anxiety and a unique fusion of hip-hop, emo, grime and raw, empathetic lyrics resulted in a deep connection to fans that in the end, may have done him in at the tender age of 21. To see the full list of contributors, see the show notes at www.disgracelandpod.com. This episode was originally published on March 9, 2021. To listen to Disgraceland ad free and get access to exclusive bonus content and more, become a Disgraceland All Access member at disgracelandpod.com/membership. Sign up for our newsletter and get the inside dirt on events, merch and other awesomeness - GET THE NEWSLETTER Follow Jake and DISGRACELAND: Instagram YouTube X (formerly Twitter) Facebook Fan Group TikTok See omnystudio.com/listener https://omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

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• 2:11Jake Brennan?

  All right, guys, welcome into another rewind episode of DisgraceLand. This one is on Lil Peep. I don't think we've ever, ever rewound this one. It was released way back in 2021, March 9th, 2021, titled Lil Peep. A new hip hop and emo fusion trap beats, tender lyrics, too much Xanax, and a still mysterious overdose. The circumstances around Lil Peep's death are dark, disturbing, and yes, a little mysterious. Lil Peep hasn't really been in the news, his passing, again, five years ago now, going on six. And you know, an artist that, what I identified with Lil Peep was his connection to emo music, because I'm obviously connected to emo in some ways.

• 2:54Jake Brennan?

  More that second-generation emo from the 1990s, not so much the 2000s, 2010s emo. But this gave us an opportunity in telling Lil Peep's story to sort of get into the origins of that genre of music, something I was really into at the time and happy to bring to you guys. This is a crazy story. What an artist, what an individual, gone way too soon. I hope you guys enjoy this. Hit me up, 617-906-6638, voicemail and text after you hear it. And let me know what you think. All right, here we go. Lil Peep.

• 3:32Jake Brennan?

  DisgraceLand is a production of Double Elvis.

• 3:45Jake Brennan?

  The stories about Lil Peep are insane. He died at the age of 21, the victim of an overdose that's still mysterious. He sometimes suffered from crippling anxiety and depression, but bared his soul onstage and online to millions of fans who felt a deep, empathetic connection to him. He self-medicated daily with a pharmacy-sized array of street-procured prescription meds and illicit drugs. He was a once-in-a-generation-type voice, poised to become one of the mainstream's biggest success stories, but whose life was senselessly cut short. And of course, he made great music. Unlike that music you heard at the top of the show, that wasn't great music.

• 4:29Jake Brennan?

  That was a preset loop from my Mellotron called Coke Straw Sazo MK1. I played you that loop because I can't afford the rights to "Rockstar" by Post Malone. And why would I play you that specific slice of savage nudie suit cheese? Could I afford it? Because that was the number one song in America on November 15th, 2017. And that was the day Lil Peep made his final Instagram post, an eerie post filled with anxiety and depression and foreshadowing his death that would come only a few short hours later.

• 5:08Jake Brennan?

  On this episode, crippling anxiety, DIY emo grind, too much Xanax and Lil Peep. I'm Jake Brennan, and this is DisgraceLand.

• 5:44Jake Brennan?

  Given how close it was to showtime, some friends grabbed video of him passed out in the back of the tour bus for their Insta stories as a joke. Little did the friends know, Lil Peep wasn't passed out. He was dead.

• 5:58Jake Brennan?

  The news was hard to contain, from Peep's road crew to friends and show openers, various members of Goth Boy Click, to fans packed inside the Rock nightclub in Tucson, Arizona, impatiently awaiting for their beloved Lil Peep to hit the stage.

• 6:16Jake Brennan?

  But nobody wanted to admit to themselves or to the fans that it was real. Goth Boy Click group member Horsehead went onstage, likely he was in shock, and performed a couple songs to keep the restless fans entertained. But the energy was getting rowdy, frustrated, and footage of the unconscious Peep on his tour bus was already making the rounds on social media. People began to wander outside to see what was really going on. Inside the tour bus, Peep's tour manager was on the phone with 911 while members of the road crew laid Peep out on the ground and administered CPR. Nothing. Through the windows, they could see the crowd gathering, holding up phones, desperate to get a glimpse inside.

• 6:58Jake Brennan?

  The dispatcher on the 911 call insisted the EMTs were on their way.

• 7:04Jake Brennan?

  Outside, waves of fans crushed up against the sides of the bus. The bus began to rock, and then the paramedics arrived, the lights, the sirens on full blast. They added to the growing chaos of the scene by forcing their way through the agitated crowd gathered outside the bus. The arrival of the paramedics and their ambulance made it real. Fans started crying, wailing, people yelled, people talked shit, fights broke out, quick flash street brawls that no one bothered to break up. The paramedics reached the door to the bus, climbed up inside. Not too long after, out came Lil Peep, on his back, on a gurney. And the crowd lost their shit.

• 7:45Jake Brennan?

  Pandemonium, they rocked the bus some more. They trashed the parking lot, raged in the streets, their boy was dead.

• 7:55Jake Brennan?

  Lil Peep's connection with fans, his very real empathy as an artist, combined with his undeniable charisma and talent, proved that it was not just music journalism hyperbole to say that he was on his way to becoming his generation's Kurt Cobain. He truly was. From a young age in Long Beach, New York, Lil Peep, born Gustave Elijah R, was obsessed with music. He wasn't like most kids. Despite his obvious good looks and easygoing nature, he did not fit in. So he turned inward. He got lost in the music, pop punk, Blink 182, Green Day, Good Charlotte, emo, mineral, and Jawbreaker, classics like Oasis, Nirvana, The Beatles, and of course, hip hop, Kanye, Kanye, and more Kanye.

• 8:40Jake Brennan?

  It all sounded great, especially stoned. Everything sounded better while high. The beats were better, the screams more guttural, and the melodies, even from the most melancholic emo troubadours, were somehow even more sad.

• 8:56Jake Brennan?

  I always hated the term emo, as in emo music, because, well, all music is emo, right? Isn't all music emotional? To me Slayer is just as emotional as Sunny Day Real Estate, it's just clearly a different type of emotion being expressed. But regardless, the term emo took root as an easy way for hardcore kids to describe a particular type of hardcore music that sprung from Washington DC with Ian McKay's post Minor Threat, pre Fugazi outfit Embrace and future Fugazi member Guy Pachado's band Rites of Spring. After those bands, a younger crop of hardcore kids traded in their Jordans and Champion sweatshirts for Chuck Taylors and Argyle sweaters, augmented their power chords with

• 9:39Jake Brennan?

  fifth notes, and started singing about girls. As my six-year-old would say,

• 9:46Speaker 03

  Ew!

• 9:49Jake Brennan?

  Singing about girls anytime after, gee, I don't know, the year 1855 doesn't sound like anything groundbreaking, but trust me, in Cambridge, Massachusetts, upstairs at the Middle East in 1996, in the middle of what had become somewhat of a closed-minded scene, the hardcore scene, singing about love, be it lost, found, whatever, it was damn near revolutionary. I'm exaggerating, but only slightly. Bands like J. June, Texas Is The Reason, Pie Ball, Promise Ring, and Rye Coalition were building off of what Embrace and Rites of Spring had started a decade earlier and laying the groundwork for the coming 2000s emo explosion with bands like Dashboard Confessional, Jimmy Eat World, and Panic at The Disco actually conquering mainstream charts.

• 10:34Jake Brennan?

  Which was how emo found its way to Lil Peep in suburban New York. As a young, alienated son of divorced parents, he was taken by it. And as emo was a close cousin of hardcore, it was imbued with the same DIY spirit, and this spirit was not lost on Lil Peep in 2014. But instead of Kinko's copied fanzines and mail-ordered distro networks, Lil Peep used the tools available to him and began uploading the tracks he was breaking off at his childhood bedroom to SoundCloud and promoting them on Instagram. An audience quickly developed. The music he created made his new fans feel less alone, just as the act of making the music made Peep feel like less of a small-town freak.

• 11:16Jake Brennan?

  It was a genuine connection, a strong bond that helped him cope with the world outside his bedroom walls and with his own anxiety.

• 11:26Jake Brennan?

  The morning ritual wrenched his nerves. Peep's teenage alienation, his low self-esteem, his extreme anxiety about what his fellow students and what his teachers thought of him was so intense that most mornings before school, he'd find himself in his bathroom vomiting violently.

• 11:45Jake Brennan?

  The weed helped. It calmed him down, and so did the Xanax, and of course, so did the music. But no amount of self-medicating and sad melodies could really curb the anxiety. If Peep was going to truly deal, he needed an outer shell, a strong sense of self, armor. So he got a face tattoo at the age of 17, a broken heart underneath his left eye. It was official, as if it wasn't before, to most of his teachers, to most locals in Long Beach, New York. Gus Ahr, who was now going by the hip-hop name Lil Peep, was lost to them. And for Lil Peep, with a growing online fanbase for his unique meld of hip-hop and emo, it was clear as day.

• 12:28Jake Brennan?

  At the age of 17, it was time for him to get lost, to head west, manifest destiny.

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• 14:00Jake Brennan?

  It was a depressed section of Tucson, but in this particular neighborhood, residents still had their pride. The rumors about what went on in that house were unsettling. And at first, it was believed that it was an illegal tattoo parlor, but after time, a darker rumor set in. Kids and transient-looking young adults didn't spend the only money they had on body ache. These visitors to the house looked desperate, not to mention haggard beyond compare. And that smell, what's up with that smell? It bled out of the house at night, and by morning, the whole street was covered in that rotting chemical stench, like someone took the worst parts of a hospital smell and tried dousing it in vinegar.

• 14:41Jake Brennan?

  The trash was piling up outside, the windows were blackened mostly with dark curtains, some were even painted black. It had been months since the house's owners had been seen, but still, visitors came and went at all hours. Someone called the cops, and the cops were not stupid. They rolled up with the fire department. It was late, past midnight, early morning hours. As the first cruiser made its way down the street, a young man in the front yard on his cellphone took note and then sprinted into the house. The cop floored it. Through the house's front yard window, what little light was visible through the crack in the curtain quickly went out. That first cop on the scene slowly got out of his cruiser, and the smell was overpowering.

• 15:25Jake Brennan?

  He wondered where the hell the fire department was. He took his binoculars and peered through them across the front yard, trying to steal a glimpse into the house. Blackness. He couldn't either see nor hear anything. There was only that smell. If fear had assent, this was it. There, through the crack in the window, he spied a small flash of light, and then...

• 15:55Jake Brennan?

  The CDC estimates that there are over 1,000 meth lab-related "incidents" per year. Incidents ranging in intensity from full-on explosions like this one to milder events where a crazed meth head gets sloppy and merely lights his face on fire. This explosion was big, but not completely destructive. The house was salvaged, structurally at least. It would require extensive renovations for it to be truly inhabitable again, but the squatters didn't care. So long as the four walls and ceiling were there, and the windows could be boarded up at least. So after a while, they moved in. The squatters weren't your typical homeless, they were young kids, teenagers and young adults. Not at all hippies, but living off the grid in their own way.

• 16:38Jake Brennan?

  At one time, they would have been referred to as crust punks, but in 2016, that moniker wouldn't do. These kids weren't motivated by blast beats and revolutionary politics. For them, it was trap beats and sad sing-alongs, not to mention drugs. Not meth, per se, but weed, coke, Xanax, perks, ecstasy, most pharmaceuticals you can name. And their sense of fashion was similar to crust punks, though. Tight, ripped jeans and t-shirts, handmade patches, safety pinned on everywhere, tattered plaids with suspenders, leathers, denim, all dirty, filthy actually, tattered, dyed hair, dreads, shaved heads, and of course, face tattoos. The mangy pitbull on a rope as an accessory was replaced by the odd piece of ostentatious

• 17:22Jake Brennan?

  jewelry procured god knows how, likely via theft or by preying on mommy and daddy's generosity of better judgment, a not-so-subtle nod to their love of hip-hop.

• 17:34Jake Brennan?

  Lil Peep had found his people. The blown-out husk of a meth house had no stage. He performed in the middle of the crowd, and they danced on the dirt floor, piled layers of band stickers on the scorched walls. And when Peep performed his latest track, "Beamer Boy," which had just dropped, everybody sang along, all around him, drowning up the site's shitty little PA. And these kids, this new generation of punk slash emo slash hip-hop-style kids, had coalesced through this new hybrid of music they loved, and they were all united among the meth house ruins by him, by his music. The experience in Tucson compelled Lil Peep. Further west, an LA rapper named Jay Green was at the show. Peep had already met him over the internet.

• 18:18Jake Brennan?

  On an invite to collaborate with him, Peep set out for Los Angeles. The collaboration with Jay Green, called Schemaposse, lasted a few months, but Peep bounced around LA, left the group, and wound up crashing in a barren loft in downtown LA's Skid Row. The loft was a squalid warehouse space with a rotating crew of squatters crashing on couches and floors, beds for the regulars stashed in corners. Tense cities reeking of human piss and shit stretched down the strip in both directions right outside the door. And to the folks back home who remembered him as Gus, Lil Peep may as well have been homeless. But inside the loft, it was a creative hothouse, a sardine can of artists collaborating on

• 19:02Jake Brennan?

  track after track, performing shows in the warehouse, going all the time and going hard. These were Peep's people too, so much like the kids at the Tucson show. Even as he was blowing up as a solo act, Peep joined up with a group of like-minded rappers and producers, a hive known as Goth Boy Click. Together, they formed a Wu-Tang Clan-type of collective for the SoundCloud age. Coldheart, Doves, Fishnark, Horsehead, JP Dreamthug, Lil Tracy, MacNet, Wiccaface Springs Eternal, Yawns, and Lil Peep. Lil Peep's mixtape "Cry Baby" featuring Goth Boy Click, or the GBC as it was called, was blowing up. SoundCloud rap had officially made an end run around the traditional record industry,

• 19:46Jake Brennan?

  fueling constant underground collaboration and single releases from young, emerging artists, non-stop. And the industry was racing to catch up, and Peep was getting legit management and labeled interests. Goth Boy Click was drafting in his wake. But the reek of the human waste from the windows never let up. Everyone in the loft shared a bathroom. The inability to find a moment's peace and quiet to himself in the creative hive built up the pressure. He felt like he was being pulled in two directions at once, into outer space and stardom and crashing hard down to earth.

• 20:23Jake Brennan?

  Alone at night on his mattress in the corner, listening to bums fight outside, Peep read letters from his grandpa, who he called Pakak. Pakak had always been his real father figure, not like his birth dad, who abandoned him during junior high, right when any boy enters his hard years. Pakak was a warm soul and a man of letters, and when he wrote to Peep, it brought him strength and comfort. But Peep didn't know what to do now. Pakak and his mother had always raised Peep to believe deeply in equality and respect for all people. And in his own way, Peep was trying to honor those values with his lifestyle and creative choices, living communally and sticking with Goth Boy Click, even as his own stardom eclipsed them. But Peep had new managers in his ear,

• 21:08Jake Brennan?

  telling him he should strike out on his own. He wondered if he'd still be forced to wake up to the smell of human shit if he struck out on his own. Everything was muddled. Everything was happening way too fast, but somehow, not fast enough. Torn between loyalty to his underground friends versus reaching his creative and financial potential, Peep would go nocturnal, rip bowl after bowl of weed, pop Xannies, and sit with a pit of insecurity and anxiety in his gut. He felt guilty at the thought of letting anyone down.

• 21:43Jake Brennan?

  Some people swear by the healing power of getting tattooed, and I'm one of them. Despite the discomfort, getting tattooed can be oddly soothing. There's something that happens after you settle into the pain of a gazillion tiny needles piercing into your skin. That pain, that sound, your body's pain-killing endorphins barreling through your bloodstream in attack. You feel, in a word, high. But in the best possible way, chilled out, without the chemical mindfuck or a physical sickness. There is, of course, an emotional aspect to getting tattooed as well. It goes without saying, but is worth mentioning that for centuries, tattoos have marked significant moments in their beholder's lives. Emotional inflection points, deaths to get over,

• 22:28Jake Brennan?

  births to celebrate, drunken nights in Tijuana. You get the point.

• 22:34Jake Brennan?

  Little Peep was 20 miles north of Tijuana at the moment, in San Diego, in a cop's garage. The cop was tattooing Peep, illegally, again on his face. If the broken-heart tattoo he had inked on his mug three years ago didn't do the trick, then this one definitely would. It was huge. It cut across the entire right side of his upper face in cursive, the word "crybaby." It said a lot of things. "Crybaby," being his breakout mixtape. The tattoo said that he was committed to his music. The tattoo also said he was a different kind of rapper, emotional, and unafraid to let anyone know. And perhaps most importantly, the massive tattoo across his face said to the straight world, to the parents, the teachers, the cops,

• 23:18Jake Brennan?

  present company excluded, of course, and perhaps even to the members of GBC. That tattoo said one very important thing for little Peep. It said, "Fuck off."

• 23:30Speaker 07

  We'll be right back after this word, word, word.

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• 24:41Jake Brennan?

  The back piece tattoo was an even more explicit declaration than the crybaby piece on his face. If we're not conscious or extremely lucky or blessed, inevitably, we all suffer in this world. And if we're fortunate, we find ways to deal. Dealing was not little Peep's strong suit. His new back tattoo would be his way of dealing. It would also be his answer to every guidance counselor, coach, or doubter, whoever asked him what he wanted to do with his life. The pressures of his growing career, what to do, who to do it with, when to do it, where to go, who to take care of, who to care about. For a 20-year-old kid with a fast-growing celebrity in bank account who came from a solid working/middle-class family who is now in the position to take care of his friends, if not his family,

• 25:26Jake Brennan?

  all of it was way too much for him, especially when coupled with his anxiety disorder and depression. Not to mention, while he was self-medicating, ingesting a steady diet of back alley antidepressants, blow, and weed in massive quantities around the clock.

• 25:42Jake Brennan?

  But as usual, there was solace in the soothing buzz of the gun. Exit life in massive, old English lettering across the upper third of his back in big, bold, black. As if to make no mistake, he was not long for this world. Not with these pressures. Not with this pain.

• 26:04Jake Brennan?

  Kurt Cobain wasn't long for this world either. He made his exit in the most dramatic of fashions. A shotgun blast to the face ripped on black tar heroin at the height of his career in the cold confines of his garage. His suicide note, "Omisive on the pain, depression, and cruelty of fame," suffered at the hands of a tortured artist. A once-in-a-generation tortured artist. He apologized for going through the motions onstage and not feeling passion for music anymore. Little Peep didn't have much to apologize for, and he didn't really know how to say no, either. I'm talking about a lot more than the Nancy Reagan "just say no to drugs" thing here, though. That was definitely a problem, too. We'll get to that in a minute. But Peep also had trouble saying no

• 26:48Jake Brennan?

  to the needs of his boys in Goth Boy Click, and he had trouble saying no to the growing number of fans who saw his pain expressed plainly in his songs and in 180x180 pixels of raw imagery on Instagram.

• 27:02Jake Brennan?

  Peep was so raw, so real, so vulnerable, and gave so much of himself to his art that his fanbase developed this strange sense of entitlement, where they felt he owed it to them at all times to be Peep, the drugged-out, sad, hellboy crybaby that he embodied in his music. When he played live now, they showered him with not only praise, but with drugs, constantly heaving bags of pills, coke, weed, whatever, onto the stage during his sets. Like most rock stars, he was swarmed post-show by fans who wanted to touch him, fuck him, get him fucked up, do whatever. Except unlike most rock stars, Peep wasn't surrounded by protectors and handlers. Aside from an outnumbered tour manager and road crew,

• 27:45Jake Brennan?

  Peep's entourage consisted mainly of professional partiers. Goth Boy Click, who traveled with him, opened for him, collaborated with him during his set, and went for it after the show. Not to be outdone, Peep went harder than his boys. It was clear to anyone with a responsible bone in their body that little Peep was living on borrowed time under the current circumstances, and Peep knew it, too. Unable to say no, to disconnect from his friends, who he felt an obligation to share the growing wealth and fame with, management stepped in and shipped him off to London. Put him up in a nice apartment, connected him with artists like Bexy and I Love McConan to begin working on new, poppier tracks like "I've Been Waiting" and to generally get him the fuck away from Goth Boy Click

• 28:30Jake Brennan?

  before they all accidentally obliterated themselves with oxies, roxies, and whatever else they were ingesting by the fistful.

• 28:38Jake Brennan?

  Once in Europe, Peep committed to becoming the stadium-filling star he was born to be. His managers didn't want the Kurt Cobain ending. They wanted the David Bowie ending, the one where the musician is so gifted, so charismatic, and in possession of the kind of talent that can meld numerous seemingly disparate influences into one unique style and then also give voice to a generation of kids at the same time. They wanted that kind of talent. And they knew it could go two ways, could crack like Cobain or thrive, becoming a living, breathing icon with a full career of constant cultural relevance like Bowie. Naturally, management chose the Bowie option behind door number two. From London, Peep was sent on tour. Shows in Russia, Berlin, and Paris sold out. Thousands of kids showed up

• 29:23Jake Brennan?

  to sing every word of every Peep song back at him, full-throated, without being primed by any radio or mainstream press support. And from there, it was off to Fashion Week in Paris and the Men's Spring/Summer Show in Milan, and the full pop star makeover was in effect. Gucci, Balmain, runways with Luc Savaud from Marcela Berlone in Vlone, Cartier Ice around his neck, the paparazzi and the photographers from Vogue, Elle, and Harper snapping pics, video crew following him around, journalists hounding him, blow-up pieces in GQ and V Magazine with renowned Peruvian photographer Mario Estino behind the lens.

• 30:02Jake Brennan?

  It was silly, sure. He knew that as he waited his turn backstage to catwalk the runway, mugging for the cameras. But damn if it didn't feel good. He knew he was destined for this, this type of stardom, the kind that leaves a permanent mark, the kind that has a way of not washing off. Cobain had it, Bowie, too, and little Peep, now with his European pop star metamorphosis near complete, was about to head back to his home country, spread his new wings, and prove that he had it, too.

• 30:50Jake Brennan?

  In the dream, whether it was a sleeping dream or waking, he could hardly tell anymore. But regardless, there was never enough. Never enough pills, never enough attention, never enough he could do for his management, never enough love from his dad, never enough letters from his grandpa, never enough time with his mom or his brother, never enough for his fans, never enough energy to respond to all of them on his socials. There was never enough he could do for his boys, for Goth Boy Click, never enough he could give them, never enough money.

• 31:21Jake Brennan?

  And as always, in the dream, there was never enough ink in the tattoo gun.

• 31:27Jake Brennan?

  In the dream, the gun always ran dry before completing the massive exit life piece on his back. And holy shit, did that thing look ridiculous. A small thing to be anxious about, but a catch-all stressor for the various pressures banging down on his chest and spinning him out.

• 31:46Jake Brennan?

  As usual, the drugs weren't helping his anxiety. He was taking way more than usual, more coke, more Xanax, and more ecstasy. He was back in the States and Goth Boy Click was back in the mix. He'd brought along several members as openers and the various others linked up with the tour for varied shows all over the US leg where they would join in. Exposure enough for everybody. Tour was a blur at that point. His schedule was upside down. He'd wake up every day about 30 minutes before showtime, go straight to the stage, crush for thousands of fans, then party backstage until the venue threw him and his GBC crew out. From there, they'd bring the party to the bus, more drink, more drugs, lots of coke, lots of downers, ketamine.

• 32:31Jake Brennan?

  And they'd go hard all night while the bus made its way to the next venue. If there was ever a hotel involved, Peep didn't fuck with it. It was comfort and familiarity in the bus. He could get stoned as fuck and pass out sometime after the sun came up. Self-contained, there would be no struggle to find his way anywhere. He was already there, wasted, but there. He'd wake up wherever he passed out on the bus the night before, smack some life into his cheeks, blast a rail, or take whatever the beginning of his day called for to get him going and follow his tour manager escort to the stage. The lights would go dim, the crowd would roar, he'd feel the natural burst of adrenaline press up from within him, push his anxiety away from the surface, pump his blood, and

• 33:15Jake Brennan?

  they'd then burst onto the stage delivering 90 minutes of prescriptive gospel to his drugged-out, anxious congregation. They were his, he was theirs, and the communion was real.

• 33:28Jake Brennan?

  But today was different. He was well awake upon arrival in Tucson, Arizona on November 15th, 2017. And despite his head being a mess and his anxiety starting to peak, he decided to meet up with a couple of fans who had DM'd him. They wanted to get him high, of course they did, all of his fans did. And Peep wanted to get high himself, show himself to be accommodating, to give his fans the version of himself that they wanted to see, that they'd grown to love, that they felt in some strange way they were owed a piece of. Online, he was so real, he breathed life into their own anxious existence with his art, so the least they could do would be to set him up, get him high, make him feel good, return the favor.

• 34:14Jake Brennan?

  Despite whatever his management felt, or what the press or the fashion photographers in Milan believed, Lil Peep believed he was an equal to his fans. At least he felt an obligation to be. The gold-studded Balmain jacket fit well and the ice around his neck made him feel like he'd arrived, but more often than not, especially in the company of his boys and Goth Boy Click, Lil Peep couldn't truck with the aloof pop star image. Raised by a self-proclaimed anti-capitalist mom and grandfather who was a Harvard historian and had extensively studied labor movements in Latin America, and who stepped in for his dad who'd split, Lil Peep had socialist ideals coursing through his blood. He believed in equality over all else, which is why he went to great lengths to spread

• 34:59Jake Brennan?

  the love and fruits of his fame around Goth Boy Click. On occasion, paying rent for some of his boys, keeping them fed, wasted, blowing them up under his spotlight onstage, and taking them on tour.

• 35:13Jake Brennan?

  But the grind of it all was too much, especially on this day. He posted on Instagram the day before, November 14th, how he was feeling. "I just want to be everybody's everything. I want too much from people, but then I don't want anything from them at the same time, feel me? I don't let people help me, but I need help, but not when I have my pills, but that's temporary. One day maybe, I won't die young and I'll be happy." What is happy? I always have happiness for like 10 seconds and then it's gone. I'm getting so tired of this.

• 35:49Jake Brennan?

  He and his two new friends, his fans, headed to the bus to get high. They went up the steps into the grimy tour bus, littered with ashes and coke-dusted mirrors between the makeshift bunks for Goth Boy Click. Peep was handed a Xanax, and he took it. Soon after, he passed out. His new friends kept partying, he could hear them faintly laughing, fucking around, texting their friends and posting on their socials about getting wasted with the one and only Lil Peep. It was out cold, or so they thought, but Peep could still hear them, at least a little bit. The dream was intruding. He could hear the sound of the tattoo gun again, getting louder, drowning them out, filling out the remaining letters on his back. Exit. Life.

• 36:35Jake Brennan?

  The exit letters had been done for some time, it was the life part that needed to be fully blacked out. The buzz grew louder, the pain more blissful. He was losing them now. Their voices were all but completely faded. And so was the pressure, too. Falling off, fading away. No more stressors. He was losing it all. It was the only way for him to win. The buzz grew louder, steadier, strong. It filled in the remaining bits of life with black, and Lil Peep made his final exit.

• 37:12Jake Brennan?

  Sometime after, Lil Peep had completely lost consciousness, a victim of the extremely powerful fentanyl drug that had laced the Xanax he had taken. Bexy, one of Peep's collaborators from the UK, walked into the back of the bus, saw Peep passed out so close to showtime, and swears he heard him snoring. Instead of checking on him more closely, he instead busted out his camera and made an Insta story of his friend in a joking way. Lil Peep's presence, even while prone on the couch, lit up tiny screens all across Instagram. Little did anyone know, Lil Peep was dead.

• 37:50Jake Brennan?

  Such disgrace.

• 37:53Jake Brennan?

  I'm Jake Brennan, and this is DisgraceLand.

• 38:13Jake Brennan?

  DisgraceLand was created by yours truly and is produced in partnership with Double Elvis. Credits for this episode can be found on the show notes page at disgracelandpod.com. If you're listening as a DisgraceLand All-Access member, thank you for supporting the show, we really appreciate it. And if not, you can become a member right now by going to disgracelandpod.com/membership. Members can listen to every episode of DisgraceLand ad-free, plus you'll get one brand-new exclusive episode every month, weekly unscripted bonus episodes, special audio collections, and early access to merchandise and events. Visit disgracelandpod.com/membership for details. Rate and review the show and follow us on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, and Facebook

• 38:56Jake Brennan?

  @disgracelandpod, and on YouTube at youtube.com/atdisgracelandpod. Rockerola.

• 39:06Jake Brennan?

  He's a bad, bad man.

• 39:10Jake Brennan?

  Alright guys, that was a Lil Peep episode of DisgraceLand, released way back in 2021. Curious to know what you guys think of Lil Peep as an artist? Curious as well what you think of this episode, 617-906-6638, voicemail and text. Got a new episode on Quincy Jones coming in the feed next. Get at me, talk to you soon. Later, discos.

• 39:30Speaker 06

  Your computer isn't just a machine. It's where your family's memories, your work, and your private life all live. One click on the wrong link, one hidden download, and all of it is exposed to threats you never even see coming. Kids downloading games, emails that look legitimate, ads that promise something free. Every day brings a dozen small risks, and it only takes one to open the door. And once something gets in, it doesn't just affect one file or one folder, it can reach everything connected to that device. Photos, passwords, everything you thought was safe.

• 40:10Speaker 06

  Protecting your family online starts with protecting the device they use every day. Don't leave it to chance. Go to superantispyware.com and secure your PC now. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast, the true crime comedy podcast all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week I bring on an amazing guest. Ooh, I scam them. What? I could talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper, like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.