Cautionary Tales w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode talking about cautionary tales from the past, It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Buy the NEW AYG Card Game: https://areyougarbage.com Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: OpenPhone: Streamline and scale your customer communications with OpenPhone. Get 20% off your first 6 months at https://www.openphone.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Hear ye, hear ye, the good people of Pittsburgh and Cleveland. The boys are coming for that Back on the Block Tour. We added second shows and they're selling fast.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, baby. April 14th, we're gonna be at the Pittsburgh Improv. And then April 16th, we're gonna be at Hilarities in Cleveland. Tickets are going fast. The first show's sold out, second show's now. High demand, get the tickets. We'll see you there.

• 0:19H. Foley?

  See you there.

• 0:20Speaker 02

  Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

• 0:40H. Foley?

  Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:46H. Foley?

  It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy. Or they're just a big ol' piece of trash.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:53H. Foley?

  I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. Tonight's strip poker night.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:00H. Foley?

  So we gotta be out of the house.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  All right.

• 1:02H. Foley?

  Just her and another guy.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Ooh. I wondered you were gonna bluff every... Ah, shit, you got me.

• 1:08H. Foley?

  My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode, just the boys, the bozos and the homies. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman, and he's the king of the burbs, baby. Give it up for KJ, Kevin, James Ryan.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Hey, how you doin'?

• 1:23H. Foley?

  A little spacklin' this weekend, huh?

• 1:25Speaker 01

  Tim the Toolman Taylor out here. Uh, yeah, king of the burbs. Shout out to you. Thanks for everybody tuning in. As always, just make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available now on Spotify. Apparently, those numbers are cooking over there.

• 1:38H. Foley?

  They're doing all right over there.

• 1:39Speaker 01

  Uh, then obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. And last but not least, the new Are You Garbage Card Game is out! Available on areyougarbage.com.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  Uh, the third edition, the 2025 edition, and if you act now, you don't save, you don't get a discount, so just get them.

• 2:03H. Foley?

  Make a move. They are cooking now.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  While supplies last. Um, yeah, so this is, uh, this is pretty cool. We're, we're stoked about it. Uh, it's over, I think, 50 new questions. Some you've heard, some you haven't heard, some from the writers' room, you know, some of your favorites. Uh, this is the third one. We're fucking super proud of it. Go get it. Uh, you can play with your friends, your family. I'm legally not allowed to say it's a drinking game, so...

• 2:26H. Foley?

  But it's a drinking game.

• 2:27Speaker 01

  Ah, easy, does it, big man. I mean, they're coming after you and Duddy. If, if you get jammed up. I had nothing to do with that. We got the tape.

• 2:34H. Foley?

  You like getting fucked up and calling your grandmother trash? Pick up the card pack. Hey, you in time for Easter? You got Memorial Day coming up.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  I have, somebody has told me that their Dominican grandmother did not like being called this sort of... They're like, "You're trash." She's like, "Shut up," hitting him with a slipper or something.

• 2:52H. Foley?

  Like that reporter that threw the slipper at the...

• 2:56Speaker 01

  Um, I am the king of the burbs, self-appointed king of the burbs. Lot of, lot of man work I'm doing down there.

• 3:03H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 3:04Speaker 01

  No, not really. Uh, that was mostly a photo op. I had my cousin Michael come through the rest.

• 3:08H. Foley?

  What room, what, this is all for the, uh...

• 3:10Speaker 01

  It's a nursery.

• 3:10H. Foley?

  Nursery.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Doing a nursery.

• 3:12H. Foley?

  What room is that in the house?

• 3:14Speaker 01

  That's a garage. What do you mean? It's a, it's a goddamn bedroom.

• 3:17H. Foley?

  Is it a bedroom upstairs?

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:18H. Foley?

  How many bedrooms is that house?

• 3:19Speaker 01

  You ask a lot of questions.

• 3:21H. Foley?

  What is that, a three-bedroom?

• 3:22Speaker 01

  It's a four.

• 3:23H. Foley?

  Well, including the honeymoon, the in-law suite?

• 3:26Speaker 01

  Uh, sure.

• 3:27H. Foley?

  So you got three bedrooms upstairs?

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 3:30H. Foley?

  One for you.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 3:31H. Foley?

  An office.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 3:33H. Foley?

  And now the baby.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  These are a lot, I mean, listen, there's not a lot of furniture in any of these rooms. There are a lot of nondescript rooms with my dirty socks in them.

• 3:41H. Foley?

  So what did you...

• 3:41Speaker 01

  A bed for Hans.

• 3:42H. Foley?

  What did you decide, which room for the baby? Cause that's big. That's gonna be his room.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:47H. Foley?

  You know what I mean?

• 3:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:49H. Foley?

  Did you pick a good one for him?

• 3:51Speaker 01

  I don't know, I don't, uh, what's the difference between a good room and a, but what, in Foleyville, quick, quick pit stop in Foleyville.

• 3:57H. Foley?

  Is it far away from your room?

• 3:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, the way the house is set up...

• 4:00H. Foley?

  So when he's in high school, he can have broads over.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  The way the house is set up, there's no, you go up the stairs and all four doors come off that. There's no like down the hall.

• 4:11H. Foley?

  Does he have a window?

• 4:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's got a window.

• 4:13H. Foley?

  What's the-

• 4:14Speaker 01

  Crank heaters out there.

• 4:15H. Foley?

  What, can he get out that window onto the roof and then sneak down and go meet his boys?

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 4:21H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 4:22Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 4:22H. Foley?

  He get away?

• 4:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. Also like, go sneak out, go. I don't care. Take the car.

• 4:27H. Foley?

  As a baby?

• 4:28Speaker 01

  Just fill it up.

• 4:29H. Foley?

  Fill up the gas tank, I don't care. Baby shouldn't be driving, what do you want from me?

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Kids these days, you know?

• 4:33H. Foley?

  Okay, alright, just because that's big.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  I had to do some spackle. This is like also a very garbage thing that I've realized. Uh, man, I was cursing the previous owner of this house.

• 4:42H. Foley?

  Got a lemon.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Ah, just like, he tried to do work himself, it looks like. Like I would do it, you know what I mean?

• 4:49H. Foley?

  In this room?

• 4:50Speaker 01

  Not good. Just like the tran, I think he did the windows himself, them things are lumpy as a mofo.

• 4:55H. Foley?

  Ugh.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, you know.

• 4:57H. Foley?

  Put them in himself?

• 4:58Speaker 01

  I don't, I, it's a lot of-

• 5:00H. Foley?

  You gotta sand all that shit down.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Thanks, guy. What do you think?

• 5:04H. Foley?

  Sand it down, you prime it-

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Listen, you're talking to the king of the burbs, I know, okay? I know this.

• 5:09H. Foley?

  I'll come down and help you.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Listen, these delusions of grandeur you have about being handy.

• 5:15H. Foley?

  So pizza-

• 5:16Speaker 01

  Although a lot of people, I did not expect it, commented on the picture I posted, I didn't realize I was barefoot on a ladder.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Which sounds like, dude, you're bare, first guy, I was like, you're barefoot on a ladder?

• 5:26H. Foley?

  You have plump calves, too.

• 5:28Speaker 01

  I got, yeah, heavy bike.

• 5:30H. Foley?

  You have turkey breast calves.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  Sure, turkey legs.

• 5:32H. Foley?

  No, golden oven turkey breast.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:35H. Foley?

  Fucking Deets and Watsons.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  Talk about bone in. Uh, yeah.

• 5:40H. Foley?

  Tomahawk hippie?

• 5:41Speaker 01

  So this happened, so, uh, I, I got a picture here I want to show you. This is, uh, as you know, we're getting the house ready to, uh, to the house in the burbs ready, but this is, this is, uh, this is in, uh, the house. It's one of those things that, uh-

• 5:57Speaker 01

  You never know. Like, things start breaking a little bit. Not breaking, but like, ah, there's an issue. We have, we have a piece of furniture in the hallway in New York. And it started slipping, ah, it's weird, that drawer doesn't close, you know, whatever, ah, we gotta get on that.

• 6:14H. Foley?

  You have a credenza in the hallway?

• 6:16Speaker 01

  No, it's just like a chest of drawers.

• 6:18H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  Whatever. I don't know what they're called. Like a tall, narrow thing of drawers.

• 6:21H. Foley?

  That's not like the Chester. Is it Chester?

• 6:24Speaker 01

  Chest of drawers.

• 6:25H. Foley?

  A chest of, oh, I thought it was Chester. Like Chester drawers.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  I am Chester drawers. My father was Chester drawers. It's chest of drawers.

• 6:36H. Foley?

  Is that true?

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Chest of drawers, yeah. Yeah.

• 6:38H. Foley?

  It is. A chest of drawers. That doesn't sound right.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  What, I don't understand how that doesn't sound right to you.

• 6:44H. Foley?

  A chest of drawers.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Chest of drawers, yeah. Like a wooden, like a, like a, like a treasure chest. That's a chest, and this is a chest of drawers.

• 6:51H. Foley?

  Okay. You have one of those in your hallway?

• 6:53Speaker 01

  I, I, you're getting bogged down on the, yeah, a tall, skinny one we have in the hallway.

• 6:57H. Foley?

  What's in there?

• 6:59Speaker 01

  Toiletry stuff, bathroom stuff.

• 7:02H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  Cause we don't, we don't have like a medicine cabinet. There's no like, I got some, uh, you know, dish, not dish, like hand towels or whatever in there and

• 7:10H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  My toiletry, my hair product, my tweezers, my beard trimmer, her makeup and stuff like that.

• 7:16H. Foley?

  It just sounds a little trashy. You gotta fucking

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Well, wait till you see the picture. It's not, hold on, hold on, hold on. It's not trashy. It's, it's a New York, it's a one-bedroom New York apartment. That's what we got.

• 7:25H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  There's nowhere else to put it. Uh, so there's like a little cubby in the hallway where we put this thing, but the bottom drawer had like not closed properly.

• 7:34H. Foley?

  I know what you're talking about. It's Ikea?

• 7:37Speaker 01

  Nah, but it's not that far off Ikea.

• 7:39H. Foley?

  Did you put it together yourself?

• 7:40Speaker 01

  Uh, no.

• 7:42H. Foley?

  Did you buy it off Facebook Marketplace?

• 7:43Speaker 01

  I, I genuinely forget where we got it. I, I'm being honest with you.

• 7:46H. Foley?

  It came assembled?

• 7:48Speaker 01

  I don't remember. Right, I don't remember. I swear to God, I don't remember.

• 7:52H. Foley?

  Let's see this thing.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  We might have had one of the handy guys put it together or something. But this is what it's...

• 7:59Speaker 01

  It looks like bad teeth.

• 8:01H. Foley?

  Dude, that looks like a 5.5 magnitude earthquake right there. What the fuck?

• 8:06Speaker 01

  I know.

• 8:07H. Foley?

  What do you mean you know? What happened?

• 8:11Speaker 01

  The bottom one, okay.

• 8:13H. Foley?

  That looks like a John Wick style fight happened moments before this picture was taken.

• 8:17Speaker 01

  I do.

• 8:18H. Foley?

  What the fuck is that?

• 8:20Speaker 01

  I walked, I turned the corner and like, so the bottom one had went.

• 8:23H. Foley?

  Wait, hold on. This is the way I come in? That's the way it looks?

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Well, not anymore. But that's what it was looking like, yeah. I just replaced it.

• 8:32H. Foley?

  How? Wait. That's insane!

• 8:35Speaker 01

  I know, I'm well aware. Hence why I took a picture of it, so you could shit on it.

• 8:39H. Foley?

  So it was like that?

• 8:40Speaker 01

  For a day or two. To the point where I turned the corner, I was like, this is insane.

• 8:44H. Foley?

  How did it fall apart? I mean, they're not even closing.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Dude, look at the, from the bottom, the one, two, the third one, it's like going in like that. You see the bottom one under the one that's hanging?

• 8:55H. Foley?

  I mean, you really undersold that. That thing's a mess.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  So listen to...

• 8:58H. Foley?

  That's broken.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  For sure, dude, for sure.

• 9:06H. Foley?

  What is that, a sleeping bag in there?

• 9:08Speaker 01

  They were, like, bath towels. They were in the...

• 9:11H. Foley?

  Why are they all ripped out like that?

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Cause it won't close. They don't close.

• 9:15H. Foley?

  So you stuff them in there? Like, how about putting less stuff in there? I mean, that looks like you were running...

• 9:21Speaker 01

  That looks like we were robbed.

• 9:25H. Foley?

  The feds tossed the place.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  Uh huh. No, so, this is what happened. This was, this all escalated within about 48 hours. Right? So the bottom one wasn't closing. I'm like, what the fuck? So I'm looking, and then...

• 9:39H. Foley?

  Otherwise, the rest of them were normal.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Everything was lined up.

• 9:42H. Foley?

  48 hours ago.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I swear to God. Building 7 didn't fall on itself.

• 9:52H. Foley?

  I mean, that's insane.

• 9:54Speaker 01

  Steel doesn't burn, dude. So, listen. So, the bottom one, we took the drawers out to clean. And I guess when I was taking the bottom one out, I roughly shmooned it.

• 10:05H. Foley?

  Got it off the hinges. You're fucked then.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  No, so you know how like this stuff, it's like that shitty particle board that gets popped in with the little wooden pellets?

• 10:13H. Foley?

  On the bottom, it's the worst.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  And then that popped out.

• 10:15H. Foley?

  You're done.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Right? So, the bottom one.

• 10:17H. Foley?

  Sell the house.

• 10:18Speaker 01

  I know, dude. They fell like at the fucking tower of Pisa, dude. This thing. So, the bottom one, I'm going, what the fuck? And it would drop, it wouldn't stay on the tracks, it would drop to the bottom. So, I go, ah, I gotta look at that, but it's always like, I'm running out. I'm like, I gotta look at it, I'll look at it this weekend. And then, dude, that was like Tuesday, and then by fucking Thursday, I turned the corner and I went, babe, we look like crackhead. We look like we're squatters. We have to, like, this is... So, the second one from the bottom went, then they all, they were all being propped up. It was a puppet regime.

• 10:51H. Foley?

  Dude, that's terrible.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  That's horrible, right? I was like, this is, we have to get rid of this. Cause then we were gonna wait for a new one, but I'm like, no. Someone can't come over and see this.

• 11:00H. Foley?

  If you would, you can't go in there with a screwdriver and tighten that up, or?

• 11:04Speaker 01

  Guy, don't you think I would've thought of that?

• 11:06H. Foley?

  I don't know what you did. It looks like you fucking tried to throw it out the window. I mean, that's crazy.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  It looks like I found it in a dumpster.

• 11:13H. Foley?

  Wait, so you, so those towels are where they live? Like, that's how you kept it in there?

• 11:18Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 11:18H. Foley?

  Were you trying to fix it when you took this picture?

• 11:21Speaker 01

  That was like I was going to the bathroom and saw that. That's crazy, right?

• 11:28H. Foley?

  Try folding the towels instead of stuffing them in there.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  They weren't stuffed. That's what you're not getting.

• 11:33H. Foley?

  That's stuffed. That's not folded nicely.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Because it doesn't close, so they ripped up.

• 11:37H. Foley?

  You got too many in there.

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Listen, hold on, guy. You're getting bogged down on the wrong details. That's trying to push it close, push, the other drawer doesn't let it close. There was only two towels in there and they would slide in. But since the other drawer, as you see, is impeding the closure of it. Cause that's down at a 45 degree angle pointing down. That's like a tooth going in there.

• 12:00H. Foley?

  Yikes.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  That's tough, right?

• 12:02H. Foley?

  No, it looks good.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  I mean, it's since been replaced, but that's how we were living for... And I, listen, I'm not defending myself here, this is indefensible. But that was, the bottom one went, I was like, I'll take a look at it, maybe I can hit it with the drill and tighten it back up. And then they all just...

• 12:20H. Foley?

  Jesus Christ.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  Fell like dominos.

• 12:22H. Foley?

  The paint looks nice though, it's nice color. Floors look clean. Those towels look ratty, though.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Yeah. Mine, and mine, we had to get those, we got new towels, too. Things were tough.

• 12:35H. Foley?

  And it looks like you're trying to roll them. Instead of folding them.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  You're getting too bogged down on the placement of the towels. That's not how we keep the towels.

• 12:44H. Foley?

  That is how you keep the towels.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  No, that's me trying to close the drawer, the drawer above it, not letting it close and pushing the towels out. That's not how the towels are kept.

• 12:54H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  Listen, you're upset about the towels out of this whole thing, that's crazy.

• 13:00H. Foley?

  And the other empty room behind it.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  You just can't see the bed.

• 13:04H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Money maker.

• 13:05H. Foley?

  What a magic happen.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  That's actually outside. On a park bench. I like a voyeur.

• 13:11H. Foley?

  Take a peek, huh? Yeah, that's pretty bad, dog.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  That's jammed the fuck up, that ain't good.

• 13:15H. Foley?

  What's that other door right there, where's that going?

• 13:17Speaker 01

  That goes into the bathroom.

• 13:18H. Foley?

  Okay, alright, now that makes sense. I thought this was like, on the way out to the front door, like in the hallway.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  And I kept my toiletries there?

• 13:25H. Foley?

  I don't, what the fu... I don't know what you're doing over there.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  Hey, listen, point taken. Listen, I'm pushing back.

• 13:30H. Foley?

  I'm surprised there's not dishes and shit in there.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  That's what's in the third, that's what's in the third drawer. That's where we keep the utensils.

• 13:37H. Foley?

  Speaking of which, I'd love to be in a position where, um, I know this is a very old...

• 13:42Speaker 01

  Sexually?

• 13:42H. Foley?

  This is an old school thing.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 13:44H. Foley?

  But to have, uh, like, the plates and dishes in the dining room. Like, old school.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 13:55H. Foley?

  Like, for a second, we had a dining room at our house in Wilkes-Barre. And my mom had like a, looked like a briefcase of like china, of, of good silverware. I don't know what happened to it, it probably got hawked.

• 14:09Speaker 01

  A briefcase?

• 14:10H. Foley?

  It's what it looks like, is a briefcase.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 14:13H. Foley?

  And it was sitting next to the china cabinet, which had the nice dishes in there that they got from their wedding.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 14:18H. Foley?

  That we weren't allowed to use.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:20H. Foley?

  Now they throw them in the microwave and all that stuff.

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:23H. Foley?

  Yeah, some, no, it's not like that.

• 14:25Speaker 01

  No, I know. It doesn't have the nuke codes, that's not, that's not the briefcase. Dude, his parents would have scrapped that thing and sold it for the stainless, got this, whatever they could get for stainless out of it.

• 14:34H. Foley?

  Something like that's got 2 million in cash in it.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 14:37H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  That's handcuffed to someone's hand.

• 14:39H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  So you wanna do that?

• 14:40H. Foley?

  I don't know, I saw, I was watching Seabiscuit the other day, and it was nice. When, when, when Red's parents had money in the beginning, they got a plate.

• 14:48Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 14:49H. Foley?

  And put it down.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:50H. Foley?

  It looked nice.

• 14:51Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 14:51H. Foley?

  It'd be nice to have that.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  That's, that's rich guy shit.

• 14:54H. Foley?

  Maybe it was Bridge of Spies, I can't remember.

• 14:57Speaker 01

  Busy weekend.

• 15:00H. Foley?

  Alright, well, sounds like things are going well. Did you spackle the holes up?

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, I spackled, spackled, looked good.

• 15:09H. Foley?

  What color are you gonna paint the kid's room?

• 15:11Speaker 01

  It's painted.

• 15:13H. Foley?

  You just spackled.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's about, that's like 30 minutes spackle now.

• 15:17H. Foley?

  No, but you gotta paint over that now, don't you?

• 15:19Speaker 01

  I just said it was painted, what are you talking about?

• 15:21H. Foley?

  Oh, you painted after you spackled.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Hey, guy who clears doesn't know how to spackle, what are you talking, you're talking to a giga burp.

• 15:25H. Foley?

  You spackle first, then you paint. So you spackled, then painted the room, what color did you paint it?

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Uh, am I having a stroke here?

• 15:32H. Foley?

  Blue?

• 15:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, blue.

• 15:33H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 15:35Speaker 01

  What color would you paint a boy's room?

• 15:36H. Foley?

  I'd put some race cars or something like that, I'd hook it up.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  What color would the walls be?

• 15:40H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  Blue.

• 15:41H. Foley?

  Maybe.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  And it burned sesame.

• 15:44H. Foley?

  Ooh.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 15:45H. Foley?

  Very nice. You get the crib?

• 15:47Speaker 01

  Uh, ordered.

• 15:49H. Foley?

  Ordered.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 15:50H. Foley?

  What'd you go with?

• 15:51Speaker 01

  I forget.

• 15:52H. Foley?

  Just using those drawers?

• 15:54Speaker 01

  I got the drawers.

• 15:56H. Foley?

  Repurpose it.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  He don't need more than that.

• 16:01H. Foley?

  Okay, let's talk about OpenPhone.

• 16:02Speaker 01

  Shout out to OpenPhone, gang.

• 16:03H. Foley?

  Gang, if you're running a business these days, you know that every missed call is leaving cash on the table. When a customer conversation means the world to you, you gotta make sure that you stay connected. That's why you need a phone system that will do so, and that's why you need OpenPhone. In today's fast-moving world, your team needs to stay connected to your customers without missed messages, communication silos, or slow phone systems. A flexible and efficient business phone system isn't just a nice thing to have. It's essential to succeed in today's world. We're talking OpenPhone.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  Yes, OpenPhone is the number-one business phone system that streamlines and scales your customer communications. It works through an app on your phone or your computer, so no more carrying around two phones like a bozo, which I was doing up until OpenPhone. But I think I am streamlined. Your team can share one number, collaborate on customer calls like texting a shared inbox, baby. OpenPhone is offering our listeners 20% off your first six months at openphone.com/garbage. That's openphone, O-P-E-N-P-H-O-N-E dot com slash garbage. And if you have an existing number with another service, OpenPhone will port them over at no extra charge because they take care of you over there. OpenPhone, no missed calls, no missed customers.

• 17:16H. Foley?

  Do it, yeah.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  I got a goddamn family episode, gang. As you know, when you sign up for Patreon, we will answer your question on the air. Got two tree humdingers here. This one, alright, this is from Kirk. First time, long time. "As a notoriously fast eater, is it garbage to order yourself a personal pizza once you're done your entree so you have something to eat while your wife finishes up her meal? If it helps, she's completely okay with it."

• 17:42H. Foley?

  Very, very good ques- very, very strong predicament. I happen to be in this predicament just this weekend, to be honest with you. Not with the personal pizza.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  You and Seabiscuit?

• 17:54H. Foley?

  Think it eats some oats.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  You gonna finish that cornmeal, boy?

• 17:57H. Foley?

  Split a half an apple with him.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 17:59H. Foley?

  Uh, I went out to dinner with, uh, the bird and, uh, Patty. Uh, great place down there, From the Boot, shout out to it, delicious, roasted garlic.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  From the Boot?

• 18:10H. Foley?

  From the Boots, the name of the joint.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  That's real fucking Philly Guinea shit.

• 18:14H. Foley?

  They do it so good.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  Where is it?

• 18:15H. Foley?

  Couple locations, this one's near, over near where Patty lives. Um, but they got, they got a couple of locations, they got one over in Ambler, they got one, I think, on, uh, in Lafayette Hill or something like that, I don't know, but delicious, anyway. Um, we got some calamari and some wings, alright, I had a bit of a late lunch. The girls got to.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  Eating wings with your mom seems crazy to me, dude. I don't know why, I've definitely ordered wings, but like me and my brother and my mom.

• 18:43H. Foley?

  Saved the flats for me.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know, just, you know, ordering wi- is that range? Ordering wings with, splitting wings with your mom is wild.

• 18:51H. Foley?

  They do this blue cheese sauce, that's fucking unbelievable, it's crazy good.

• 18:55Speaker 01

  Oh, is this from the boot?

• 18:56H. Foley?

  It's from the boot.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  Who picked up the check here?

• 18:58H. Foley?

  What do you mean?

• 18:59Speaker 01

  I don't know with you.

• 19:01H. Foley?

  I did.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 19:02H. Foley?

  I always pick up the check for Patty.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 19:04H. Foley?

  Playing a long con on her.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 19:06H. Foley?

  Got a little bit of cash, straightened me out.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  A couple of them wings. Get the wings in the well.

• 19:12H. Foley?

  Keep her out of a nursing home.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  Belay Man Yon, forty-four bucks?

• 19:15H. Foley?

  It's a nice place.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ.

• 19:19H. Foley?

  Delicious.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  What, they got a chicken parm, no chicken parm sandwich?

• 19:22H. Foley?

  They have a chicken parm on there.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  No, they do not, go up.

• 19:24H. Foley?

  They don't?

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Oh, Parmesan right there, thank God.

• 19:26H. Foley?

  Chicken colored Italian, where?

• 19:29Speaker 01

  Call the health inspector, go in there and shut them down.

• 19:32H. Foley?

  But, uh, I was gonna sound crazy, but they do a great house salad, alright? With the homemade balsamic vinaigrette and, uh.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  Why would that be crazy?

• 19:41H. Foley?

  Me eating a house salad as an entree.

• 19:43Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 19:44H. Foley?

  With crumbled blue cheese and croutons, it's awesome. So I got that as an entree.

• 19:48Speaker 01

  A hot sauce and wings.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Don't chicken parm on top of it.

• 19:52H. Foley?

  I got that as a, as an entree with some, some grilled shrimp on it. All right, but they had big pasta plates, so I was done.

• 20:01H. Foley?

  And I was just kinda sitting there sipping an iced tea. And I didn't like it.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  Person them under your breath.

• 20:06H. Foley?

  A little bit.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  Look, I get it, listen, I.

• 20:08H. Foley?

  Wrap this up. So I do respect this move. Cause you can't just be sitting there.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  I, I, listen, I totally agree with you. But how would, would you order it at the same time, or would you order it after? You gotta order it the same, cause if you order, you gotta think that's gonna be at least 15 minutes till it comes out. So you're sitting there with your dick in your hand.

• 20:25H. Foley?

  If you would've asked me this maybe like a month ago, I would've told you something different, but I also learned a lesson when, uh, me, you and Ryan D went out and got a bite to eat in, uh, Austin. Because I was the only one that had a second, I, I had three courses, cause I got a soup. After the appetizer course, I had a soup. And you guys were sitting there. You guys were sitting there and I was eating my soup, which I didn't finish because I felt pressured. So I pushed that aside, it was a lobster bisque, dude, it was delicious. So, I would probably order it when the guy came back to check on us, I would, like halfway through the entrees, I would say, hey, why don't you throw me in a personal pan pizza?

• 21:06Speaker 01

  I got, well, I, I would do it as the food gets dropped.

• 21:09H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  Hey, by the way, you might throw in a personal pan pizza, we're gonna split it.

• 21:14H. Foley?

  On a side note, on a side note, how do you feel about the?

• 21:17Speaker 01

  Pretty good.

• 21:18H. Foley?

  Uh, let's say you, the bird, I don't know, Denise, go out to dinner, but your brother, your brother's at the house, I don't know, watching the dog.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  Okay, it's a weird system we got going on here, but I'm listening.

• 21:30H. Foley?

  Are you okay with, um, when you put the entrees in to say, hey, also can you do, uh, chicken parm to go?

• 21:39Speaker 01

  I just had to do this when we were on the road, I got breakfast for all you guys. Me and Rubenoff went to the whatever, and you know, well, you're saying you don't.

• 21:46H. Foley?

  I don't like it, I don't know why.

• 21:47Speaker 01

  I don't love it, it's a little weird. I just, we never did it growing up.

• 21:51H. Foley?

  I feel like you gotta, yeah, you gotta explain. Listen, if you missed dinner, you missed dinner.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  I don't disagree.

• 21:55H. Foley?

  We're not bringing you something back.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 21:57H. Foley?

  Cause that way, we got someone at the house, can you just, and then that doesn't come out in time and you're waiting around, or it comes out too early.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  I think it's fine. I mean, I think it's probably more, it's more normalized now, I would assume. I would assume people like Luke have known.

• 22:09Speaker 03

  My mommy does it for me every time.

• 22:12H. Foley?

  Really? Like if they, if, say if you're...

• 22:14Speaker 03

  I can watch my programs at home and then I get a nice meal when they get back.

• 22:17H. Foley?

  So if you're at the house in Connecticut and they're like, "We're going out to dinner," why don't you just go to dinner with them?

• 22:22Speaker 03

  Now I usually do, but like, you know, and end of college, kinda.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  I'm playing video games!

• 22:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:26H. Foley?

  No shit, you son of a bitch.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was never on, but if we didn't go to dinner, you weren't fucking...

• 22:32H. Foley?

  If you got some leftovers, you were lucky. And it was someplace, that was usually a...

• 22:36Speaker 01

  Well, so if my mom's go, if my parents were going to dinner, mom, stepdad, stepmom, or stepdad, or dad, they're leaving and I'm staying at the house, I'm getting 20 to order a za.

• 22:46H. Foley?

  Sure. Sure. But naturally, they would just bring back some...

• 22:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, if there was leftovers, they were, you weren't getting what they were getting.

• 22:54H. Foley?

  See, that's funny. That's the difference between...

• 22:55Speaker 01

  I think it's an age thing, too.

• 22:56H. Foley?

  How you grew up and how we grew up.

• 22:58Speaker 03

  This is also later in life, to be honest.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  This is probably fucking 18 months ago.

• 23:02H. Foley?

  No, but if my parents were going out to, there was dinners that we would get to go to, that we would go out to as a family, if like the cousins were all going. But then there were also dinners that like my parents would go out to, it would usually be a little nicer of a joint, they'd go with another couple.

• 23:17Speaker 03

  And those times, I would sometimes get a meal after.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 23:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:21H. Foley?

  You fucking...

• 23:23Speaker 01

  For, yeah, no, never. That would never happen.

• 23:25H. Foley?

  Man.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  These kids are...

• 23:26H. Foley?

  I'm picking through some old spare ribs that my dad sucked on.

• 23:29Speaker 03

  Little barata.

• 23:30Speaker 01

  You getting appetizers? They're dropping them, you're like, "Come on, bread, please."

• 23:36H. Foley?

  That's crazy.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  That's fucked up, dude.

• 23:39H. Foley?

  Great question.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  Great question.

• 23:40H. Foley?

  Respect the move.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  On the, on the, in the same world of pizza, Foley's Ozemp, Foley's Ozemp dealer, first time, long time, "Are you garbage if you eat pizza while driving? My wife thinks this is crazy to eat a large pie with the box on the dash on my way home from work. P.S. I drive a PT Cruiser, by the way."

• 23:58H. Foley?

  Yikes.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  I mean, listen.

• 24:01H. Foley?

  Depends on the pizza. What's the flop situation? How hot is it?

• 24:06Speaker 01

  I don't think-

• 24:07H. Foley?

  What's the oil?

• 24:08Speaker 01

  I would say no. That's a pizza- Listen, I'm a fat ass. I like eating in a car. I like eating. I love pizza. Flap your head free. King of the burbs. No big deal. King of the boards. You know all of this. Shout out Sam's Pizza. But, I- As somebody who's eating pizza in the car, typically like I'll get a slice, you know, if we were like driving down the shore to Philly to see my mom or whatever, I'd get us- And if we were starving, I'd get a slice in the neighborhood and like eat it in like a couple of minutes.

• 24:32H. Foley?

  But you're not driving?

• 24:33Speaker 01

  I'm driving.

• 24:33H. Foley?

  Oh, you're driving?

• 24:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. She would like hold it and I would like just fucking- I'm like scarfing it just to get something in my belly.

• 24:40H. Foley?

  That messes up-

• 24:40Speaker 01

  Can't drive on an empty stomach.

• 24:41H. Foley?

  Pizza is a very, very, very, very strong bite and sip combo for me.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  And it's a two- It's a two-handed dish.

• 24:47H. Foley?

  Yeah, it's a two-handed dish.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Unless you get like, you get a dollar slice, it's pretty crisp and you can-

• 24:52H. Foley?

  You're crushing it.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  But it's still, you're holding the plate, you're holding the fucking slice. I would say, yeah, it's trashy. I mean, no one's eating- Otherwise, people would be doing it more. No one's eating a fucking large pizza off the dashboard. That's fucking trash.

• 25:02H. Foley?

  And is the pizza for the rest of the family when you get home? Is he going home to dinner with the family?

• 25:07Speaker 01

  With a large pie, it's gotta be.

• 25:09H. Foley?

  So he's showing up with a- With the half-eaten pie or three slices taken out?

• 25:13Speaker 01

  That's no good.

• 25:14H. Foley?

  Oh, my dad would have freaked out.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  That's no good. Yeah, I would say you shouldn't be do- A slice if you're like, I'm jammed up and you live next to a pizza place and you're hopping in the car. That I'll give you.

• 25:24H. Foley?

  Very on-brand for the PT Cruiser driver. I gotta give you that one, my friend.

• 25:28Speaker 01

  I do. I will agree with you on that.

• 25:29H. Foley?

  Shout out to that.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  As much as I've been in cars with pizza, like on my- You never, we never-

• 25:35H. Foley?

  No. Never.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  I don't thi- I would feel rude showing up, even if I was going home. Like even to like my wife. If I was just picking up a pie and coming home.

• 25:44H. Foley?

  As a fat kid, I would have been real suspe- If my dad would have been nibbling on a slice, I would have been real sus- Well, what's this?

• 25:50Speaker 01

  Well, you open it up and there's one missing? A piece of crust in there maybe?

• 25:53H. Foley?

  Yeah, I don't like that.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  I take it back. What the fuck you giving me a fucking half-eaten za' for, bro?

• 25:58H. Foley?

  Yeah, I don't like that at all.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  Uh, this one's seven days a week, $10 OG. Ever drink coffee in a regular cup?

• 26:06H. Foley?

  Yeah!

• 26:07Speaker 01

  For some reason, it's weird.

• 26:08H. Foley?

  Love it.

• 26:11H. Foley?

  I love it.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  Hot coffee?

• 26:13H. Foley?

  Yeah, in like a pint glass. Get your milk in there? It's not bad. Usually don't fill it up all the way.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I get it.

• 26:20H. Foley?

  You ever drink soda out of a coffee cup is the more important question.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  Nah, that's, that's given.

• 26:25H. Foley?

  Delicious.

• 26:26Speaker 01

  At that point...

• 26:27H. Foley?

  Pack it with ice.

• 26:29Speaker 01

  No, the other way is trash. Coffee out of another cup is trash.

• 26:32H. Foley?

  I agree.

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Because... A ca- man, I remember. You never, there's not enough fucking, there's not enough soda in a coffee cup.

• 26:39H. Foley?

  But that's what I like about it.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  No.

• 26:42H. Foley?

  It's like edging. You gotta do a, you do, you keep doing multiple cups.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, what am I, a fucking asshole? Of course you do. Uh...

• 26:50H. Foley?

  Cause I told you-

• 26:50Speaker 01

  But you don't get enough... Your sip regulation isn't nor- you're not taking normal sips because you'll... Ah, it ain't for me, that's all I'm saying. It seems foreign, it seems European.

• 27:01H. Foley?

  I would crush the first one. I, I would be doing this under the assumption that the two liter or the soda was right next to me where I could constantly keep reeling.

• 27:08Speaker 01

  For sure, but I don't like that. Then I'm not in a normal rhythm of eating and drinking.

• 27:12H. Foley?

  I don't mind it.

• 27:13Speaker 01

  I'm refilling, the sips aren't the same.

• 27:15H. Foley?

  Cause I told you, our wrestling coach used to get us Wawa orange drink every morning at practice. And it would be in the refrigerator when we got done practice and that was like... It was, it was like mother's milk. But we only were allowed to drink it out of little Dennis cups. It was like you could, you could have as much as you want, but you had to drink it out of that. And it was actually oddly satisfying.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Sure, you are a bit of a freak.

• 27:37H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  Um... Alright, this is, uh, from my mom's name is Bernie. $10 donator towards the big man's tongue reduction. Never have one read.

• 27:47H. Foley?

  Take a lot of shit from my tongue.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  That's a big tongue, bro.

• 27:50H. Foley?

  Start laughing. Different.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  You're stonewalling me over the whole show. Hmm, oh, that's, that's interesting.

• 27:56H. Foley?

  LOL.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  That's a good point there. B R B. Uh... Is it garbage to claim someone in your family knows a celebrity because your dad's cousin was the cellmate of Tex from the Manson murders? That's, I don't know who, find out who Tex was.

• 28:11H. Foley?

  He was the guy. He was Austin Butler.

• 28:13Speaker 01

  Ah, the main dude.

• 28:16H. Foley?

  Damn, that's him?

• 28:19H. Foley?

  Charles Watson.

• 28:20Speaker 01

  Charles Tex Watson is a murderer, the central member of the Manson family led by Charles Manson.

• 28:27H. Foley?

  Damn.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  More of a Marilyn Manson fam.

• 28:29H. Foley?

  The beautiful people, the beautiful people. You ever see when him and the guy getting in a fight on stage?

• 28:35Speaker 01

  Who?

• 28:35H. Foley?

  The Manson, Marilyn Manson and his guitar player, they get into a big fight.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Twiggy or Ziggy?

• 28:40H. Foley?

  Yeah, they look like two chicks scratching at each other.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Is it like recent Manson?

• 28:44H. Foley?

  I don't know. I don't know, I just saw the clip.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, that's, I mean, li- listen, that's part of, uh...

• 28:50H. Foley?

  That's not a celebrity. That's infamous. That's not fame, that's infamy.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  Alright. I don't know, he's got a movie about him.

• 28:59H. Foley?

  Ralston Butler played him.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  It's pretty famous to me. Oh, and John Five. They always had the, and John Five briefly battled in 2003. Oh, man, you're really... Now, what's your algorithm? Getting close from 2003 and a lot of Gazungas.

• 29:13H. Foley?

  It's nuts.

• 29:14Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 29:15H. Foley?

  It's nuts. My Twitter feed's even worse.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  I can imagine.

• 29:20H. Foley?

  Probably doesn't, doesn't help what I'm clicking on.

• 29:22Speaker 01

  See, a sick, twisted guy you are. Uh, alright, let's see, this one's from Uncle Randy, very food-heavy. Uncle Randy, $10 OG Hoagie, never had one read. Is it garbage to order a side of mashed potatoes with ravioli and meatballs? When I was a kid, my grandparents would take me to dinner and let me get whatever I wanted. That was my pick every time. That is a heavy bike meal.

• 29:45H. Foley?

  The raviolis is what's throwing me off.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  Really?

• 29:48H. Foley?

  Yeah, cuz I mean, dude, upstate PA, anytime there was a family function, there was, you know, and the Sterno trays were out. There was meatballs, there was like, you know, chicken cacciatore, or, you know, chicken marsala, but there was always mashed potatoes and coleslaw.

• 30:04Speaker 01

  100%. I get it.

• 30:05H. Foley?

  I'm with it. Dude, meatballs and mashed potatoes is great.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  That's just heavy. That's, that's a heavy... It's a heavy weekend, dude.

• 30:13H. Foley?

  What, some raviolis?

• 30:14Speaker 01

  I mean, we do it at Christmas, yeah. I mean, the cr- I mean, Christmas, cause it gets catered, cause there's so many of us. It's just like a shitty caterer in fucking Philly.

• 30:21H. Foley?

  It's so good, though.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  And it's just the stirno- chafing dishes of meatballs, dude, penne, dude, you do penne?

• 30:27H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  You do a little penne?

• 30:29H. Foley?

  That penne was always real dry.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  A little bit of mashed potato?

• 30:32H. Foley?

  That penne was dry as shit.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:34H. Foley?

  Not soupy at all.

• 30:36Speaker 01

  Nah, not, it's not any soupy. Um, yeah, that's tough. That's a, that's a hard one. I've told you before, my aunt, I remember one time my aunt took me, my little fat ass, out to breakfast one time. And I ordered pancakes and a bagel.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  We were down the shore.

• 30:52H. Foley?

  You running a marathon?

• 30:54Speaker 01

  Carbo- loo- and I was, she's like, how about you get a bowl of fruit? And I was like, yeah, whatever you say, lady. You can go for it. I ain't gonna-

• 31:02H. Foley?

  Oh, you guys have Fruit Loops?

• 31:03Speaker 01

  I was like, I ain't gonna fucking touch it. I didn't know, that's where my love affair with carbs started.

• 31:09H. Foley?

  Man.

• 31:09Speaker 01

  There was nothing wrong with crashing a short, crushing a short stack in a poppy seed baggie.

• 31:14H. Foley?

  Man, when the aunt's calling you out.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:16H. Foley?

  Slow down.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  Still brings it up.

• 31:19H. Foley?

  How about a black cup of coffee and a grapefruit, huh?

• 31:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you mind your own fucking-

• 31:24H. Foley?

  Have you tried smoking cigarettes?

• 31:26Speaker 01

  Oh, you mind your own business. Let me get a western to go.

• 31:29H. Foley?

  Giving you diet pills?

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 31:32H. Foley?

  Man, I love meatballs and mashed potatoes, though. I'll tell you that right now.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  It's, it's trashy, cause one, they are-

• 31:38H. Foley?

  It's trash.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  They're, obviously, but they're, they're both heavy, but two, they don't, normal, they shouldn't be mixing. You can't get-

• 31:45H. Foley?

  Who, who? Meatballs and mashed potatoes?

• 31:48Speaker 01

  Hey, tough guy, relax.

• 31:49H. Foley?

  It's meat and potatoes. Just Italianified. All spaghetti sauce really is, is a sauce. That's basically meatloaf. Is meatloaf and mashed potatoes okay?

• 32:00Speaker 01

  I don't know why you're pin- what? No, I would argue that's also very, I, no, that's fine. It's a heavy, it's a heavy-

• 32:06H. Foley?

  No, but they, they, they dance together. They go together.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Listen, I'm not saying they're not. Who's, you, you know they don't, they're not on very many menus. Give me that. Will you give me that?

• 32:17H. Foley?

  What? Meatballs and mashed potatoes?

• 32:18Speaker 01

  Meatballs and mashed potatoes don't end up on a lot of, you're not going down to Carbone's down on Sullivan Street and getting fucking meatballs and mashed potatoes, okay, guy?

• 32:27H. Foley?

  Fair enough.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  Uh, listen, I have, I have it every year. It does not feel right when you're doing it. You feel like you're being a, a naughty little boy.

• 32:37H. Foley?

  With a side of slaw.

• 32:40Speaker 01

  No, thank you.

• 32:41H. Foley?

  No good.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  Couple dinner, couple dinner rolls on that too.

• 32:44H. Foley?

  Oh, buddy, you're speaking my language. I love, nothing like a fucking, big fucking bowl of dinner rolls. Love it. Right at the end, next to the salad, only ranch dressing, let's go.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  I've never touched that salad, ever, in 38 years, whatever, say I'm 38.

• 33:01H. Foley?

  There's like three cucumbers and a couple shredded carrots on top.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  I've been serving myself for, let's call it 30, 36 year, whatever, or not 36, whatever, 33, 32 years, I ain't never even batted an eye at one of them salads.

• 33:15H. Foley?

  I would assume you stay away from the soup if it's offered in those situations as well.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  I don't mind with the soup with that salad. It's like, I did, it sucks when you gotta, when you're stuck in front of it, because like, it's always the fir-, a lot of times it's the first thing, and I'm just waiting to get to the 10 D's in the fries, or whatever's done at the end. But I, a lot of times I'll bust a button hook around the, the guy, and jump down, I ain't doing a pro, I'm sick. I had a salad for lunch.

• 33:39H. Foley?

  It's got the cellophane over top of it. Looks like hospital food.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:46H. Foley?

  I just have a colonoscopy, get out of here with this.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:48H. Foley?

  Give me the meatballs.

• 33:51H. Foley?

  That's nice though. Grandparents probably want to eat that so you go and fall asleep, you fat little bastard. You'll be asleep in the car.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 33:59H. Foley?

  Not a ravioli guy, can I tell you that? Have I told you this?

• 34:04Speaker 01

  I mean, you've told me a lot of your food opinions.

• 34:06H. Foley?

  Just want to go on record now, I'm not crazy about the just cheese ravioli. Now, they do the specialty ones, like a pumpkin ravioli.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  That doesn't get there for a ravi- I listen.

• 34:16H. Foley?

  I like that as a side.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  As a side? Jesus Christ. This guy's got problems.

• 34:22H. Foley?

  Yeah, but they have big ravioli, you want a big raviolis for the table?

• 34:25Speaker 01

  There was a time, I don't know why, but my mom, Denise's fri-, freezer was chock full of bags of frozen raviolis.

• 34:33H. Foley?

  They, some happened, something happened. Those are-

• 34:36Speaker 01

  This is probably late 90s.

• 34:37H. Foley?

  Yeah, somebody started selling them, like, um-

• 34:41Speaker 01

  Market Day or something, I think we would get them. I don't know. We would just get bags-

• 34:44H. Foley?

  Is that like something from school?

• 34:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:46H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  We'd get bags of them.

• 34:47H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  And I-

• 34:49H. Foley?

  Or the, in the sheets. They were in like little square, it looked like a book.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  No, those were the stuffed shells.

• 34:55H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  Which, I learned my, those just, man, the outside would get, they took 55 minutes and as a fucking fat 11-year-old in the home, Home Alone-

• 35:04H. Foley?

  I never-

• 35:04Speaker 01

  That might as well have been 10 days.

• 35:05H. Foley?

  I never understood that. When they would make Bag Ziti, everything was cooked. Throw that shit in there for 10 minutes. Be like, ah, you gotta wait 45 minutes till it's done.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:15H. Foley?

  It's already cooked.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  But I, I, my mom showed me how to make raviolis one time. She's like, "You can make these when I'm at work." Man. Crushing a bag of, I like a, for a fa- what a family of five would do, I would do at 4:30 PM on a Tuesday, Home Alone.

• 35:35H. Foley?

  Pre-dinner.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  Pre-dinner, 2-liter Coke, just going, TRL, my jam's on. Watching that Carson Daly and Fred Durst.

• 35:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, man, just crushing a bag. And I remember, oh, is that, this is my problem with anything. As a, as a larger gentleman, I'm sure you can, you can attest to this.

• 35:54H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  I get into it with my wife of like, "Well, you know, let's say I'm making eggs."

• 36:02H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  And there's four eggs.

• 36:04H. Foley?

  Right.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  A typical meal for me would be three eggs.

• 36:08H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  But I'm not gonna put one egg back in the thing, that's just jamming up the works.

• 36:14H. Foley?

  We've been down this road before, my friend.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  So I'm gonna have the fourth egg. Same thing with the raviolis. Let's say there's 10 raviolis, I'm gonna have six. There's not a full dose for me tomorrow. I might as well, you know. Cause then I'm gonna go into the freezer the next day.

• 36:30H. Foley?

  10 raviolis is crazy.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  I didn't have the salad, you heard me. And then I'm gonna go in the next day and four isn't gonna scratch the itch, so then it's four in a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch or something. And then, then that's not a meal.

• 36:45H. Foley?

  Now, that's an odd pairing.

• 36:46Speaker 01

  I'll give you that.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  Ah. But, respect, I respect.

• 36:53H. Foley?

  I'm a tortellini man.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  The marriage of them, what?

• 36:55H. Foley?

  I'm a tortellini man. You could really go nuts with those.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  Those pre-made ones?

• 36:59H. Foley?

  Yeah, cuz you can't figure out the...

• 37:00Speaker 01

  That was never my...

• 37:02H. Foley?

  Just dump the whole bag in there.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  Pre-made pasta with stuff in it might as well been like the richest thing to buy to me as a kid.

• 37:09H. Foley?

  Remember when you started seeing the fresh pasta in like the grocer's aisle?

• 37:12Speaker 01

  I've never touched that. That's like...

• 37:15H. Foley?

  Eight million dollars.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was like breaking case of emergency type thing. You'd never touch that.

• 37:20H. Foley?

  I never understood it, why it wasn't hard or what the difference was. But now they have them...

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Probably preservatives, no?

• 37:26H. Foley?

  Now they have them in bags, which are pretty good. I've had those raviolis in bags. I can't think of the name. It looks like a bag of cookies. They're not bad.

• 37:36H. Foley?

  I'll do it.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  I guess, don't make me. Ah, this one's from Hammer Training, $10 homie, never had one read. Ever drive your car really fast to drive it off after going through a car wash? That's just fun. Whoo, cuz you do see it start running back.

• 37:51H. Foley?

  It's great.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  That's alright.

• 37:52H. Foley?

  I never think, I just got the car washed this weekend, I never think it's gonna get... Like, you'll be two seconds away from getting out of the car wash, and you'll be like, that's all soap all over it. There's no way this is all gonna get off. Sure as shit.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:05H. Foley?

  That's the smart guy who designed those things.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 38:08H. Foley?

  Car washes. Genius.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Johnny Car Wash did that.

• 38:11H. Foley?

  Is that right?

• 38:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:13H. Foley?

  Rana was the brand, Luke. You had it up.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  Or, let me see. The pasta brand?

• 38:20H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  Oh, should we go to the pasta brand? Rano?

• 38:23H. Foley?

  Rana.

• 38:25H. Foley?

  Great.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that bag.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  Is that Emerald on there?

• 38:31H. Foley?

  No.

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Man, I saw Emerald. He's old. I love it. I mean Emerald, Emerald Live, bam.

• 38:35H. Foley?

  He's popping up on social media.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, he looks old. He's old, old guy.

• 38:39H. Foley?

  Still cranking it out, though.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  Giovanni.

• 38:43H. Foley?

  Giovanni Rana.

• 38:45Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, let's see, this one's a $10 haggis hoagie, never had one read. Are you garbage if you get your little brother to phone up your work to say your dad's falling from a roof to get out of a drug test? This guy's definitely from the UK or something. Whoever have him phone up work. Hello? Me pa fell off the roof.

• 39:07H. Foley?

  Wait, you have your little brother do it?

• 39:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, hey, is Jimmy there? It's an emergency, dad fell off the roof. You're about to get pinched.

• 39:15H. Foley?

  That's great. I thought you meant have him call in like why you're not gonna be there. That's genius.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  I mean, that was my take.

• 39:22H. Foley?

  Get me out of here.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Like, you're there, they find out they're doing drug tests, you text your brother, get me the fuck out of here. Only thing out of that's family or medical emergency. Fake your appendix being burst, but then they gotta see that through. They gotta go in and go poking around.

• 39:36H. Foley?

  I don't think I've ever used the appendix before.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  That's a tough one, because that ends in surgery, you can't, you gotta prove that.

• 39:43H. Foley?

  Nah, it went away.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm good. Paint your face yellow or something.

• 39:48H. Foley?

  You ever know anybody have their appendix out?

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:50H. Foley?

  Really?

• 39:51Speaker 01

  Dan Ryan.

• 39:52H. Foley?

  No kidding?

• 39:53Speaker 01

  Thought it was gas for a while, he was like, he was like, he was like, he was like a couple hours away from...

• 40:00H. Foley?

  It bursting? If it bursts, you're dead, right?

• 40:02Speaker 01

  I think it had burst, but like, if you don't get that soon enough, the bile, whatever, I don't know. I don't know, listen, I'm not a doctor here, but...

• 40:12H. Foley?

  That was always trashy. Appendix.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:16H. Foley?

  His appendix ruptured.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was always like, that's like the scary one.

• 40:22H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  That one, they get you.

• 40:24H. Foley?

  Taking appendix over kidney stones.

• 40:29H. Foley?

  Those hurt.

• 40:30Speaker 01

  Sure. I mean, I listen, I don't want either one of them, for being honest.

• 40:33Speaker 03

  But you don't need surgery.

• 40:35H. Foley?

  Uh, maybe you do.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  No, I think they pass, or they'll give you stuff to like break them down till they can pass.

• 40:41H. Foley?

  Fuck that. I got a little weiner.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it's out quicker. Bing! There you go. Everything's coming up big, man.

• 40:48H. Foley?

  Breaking windows.

• 40:52H. Foley?

  Now my little hole's tighter.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  I think all the holes are about the same.

• 40:57H. Foley?

  I don't think so.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  I don't think the length has anything to do with the hole.

• 41:01H. Foley?

  Sure it does.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  I don't, I, I would assume, are all your, you spelled urethra wrong.

• 41:09Speaker 01

  Let me get an eyes on this.

• 41:10H. Foley?

  You're real Google heavy.

• 41:11Speaker 01

  I know.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  You, you get, yeah, now you guys can see it though. That's the problem.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Mmm. That guy's hung like a horse. Jesus. In that diagram? That ain't real. That's not their scale, is it?

• 41:24Speaker 01

  He must be hard or something, right?

• 41:28H. Foley?

  And we're not gonna figure this out in here.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  You're on the Wikipedia page.

• 41:30H. Foley?

  You're pulling up a medical chart.

• 41:31Speaker 01

  What is the, uh, just Google it, just Google it?

• 41:33Speaker 03

  6 millimeters diameter.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  Is that average? Just find all, yeah.

• 41:38H. Foley?

  Mine's 2.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  That, I'm sure, I don't think that the length of your wiener has anything to do with the size of the spout. Or the motion of the ocean.

• 41:47H. Foley?

  Got plenty of work done still.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  Could do oral too, you know what he says?

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, let's see here. This is from Tim, first time, long time. Uh, is it garbage to slide down the handrail when walking down steps? Looks cool when you get it right, but if you don't, it's bozo city. Uh, I've never, I don't know. I've, I've never had the body to be like, I'm gonna be that guy.

• 42:18H. Foley?

  I had a staircase in our first house where my brother could do it. I tried it.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  On his butt? I mean, there would be, as a kid, I think I would go down.

• 42:27H. Foley?

  Yeah, like, would slide down like a fireman's pole. Yeah, I couldn't do that.

• 42:30Speaker 01

  I mean, if you're an adult doing that, that's, you're, you're crazy. Get your urethra taken away.

• 42:34H. Foley?

  Ever see the guys go down fucking, the, the railings? Like, if it's a set of stairs? Like in like a hall- in like a, like a hallway. And you slide down.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 42:47H. Foley?

  You know what I'm talking about?

• 42:48Speaker 01

  Uh-uh.

• 42:48H. Foley?

  Like firemen do it and shit like that. Or like army guys. They can hold both railings and slide down.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, something in their hands or something?

• 42:56H. Foley?

  No. They just have like a loose grip. You slide down the things. Very parkour-y.

• 43:02Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 43:03H. Foley?

  I couldn't do it.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  No, you can- no, you don't say.

• 43:05H. Foley?

  No, I didn't have the arm strength. And the first time I tried to slide down the railing at my house, I went right over.

• 43:11Speaker 01

  My brother could do it as a kid. I remember.

• 43:13H. Foley?

  That's pretty good.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  I remember being like, I went at my mom's like, you do not. She didn't care if he fell.

• 43:18H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Could use a couple hits in the noggin.

• 43:20H. Foley?

  I could slide down my stairs. Like sit on my butt and slide down the stairs.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  Ooh, quite the athlete. He could fall.

• 43:30H. Foley?

  Up until I was like thirteen, I went up the stairs, uh, on both hands and feet.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  Why?

• 43:35H. Foley?

  I don't know, I was just big on that as a kid. That's how I would climb the stairs. I'd be hunched over and I'd, I'd crawl up like a dog.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  All tired from all those mashed potatoes.

• 43:46H. Foley?

  Well, sleepy.

• 43:49Speaker 01

  Sleeping on the landing?

• 43:50H. Foley?

  I used to sleep on the landing all the time.

• 43:52Speaker 01

  So did my dog Rusty.

• 43:53H. Foley?

  Really?

• 43:53Speaker 01

  The sun used to come in right above the, the door.

• 43:56H. Foley?

  It's great, yeah. But the, my aunt's house, at the top of the stairs was like a little cutout.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  You might be a dog.

• 44:02H. Foley?

  Maybe. And I had a box of to-

• 44:04Speaker 01

  You do drink out of the toilet?

• 44:06H. Foley?

  I had a box of toys from my older cousins and like she would be upstairs cleaning and I had to be on the same floor with her. Otherwise I'd be getting into trouble. Rooting through the fridge. Digging into a rice pudding. So I had to, I had to stay on the landing and play.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  You had in the turkey?

• 44:23Speaker 01

  What the hell are you doing?

• 44:25H. Foley?

  I can't say! Brother and everything. I had to, I had to lay on the landing and play with my toys. Used to take nice naps there. Out like a light.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  A weird kid.

• 44:35H. Foley?

  To wake me up for lunch.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  I remember my, I, I was at, I was at, I remember being at my grandfather's house. Now, I don't really remember, I mean, I remember, they have so many cousins, they have so many grandkids that like, so many people have like a relationship with their grandparents where it's like, I, one of three or whatever, five.

• 44:53H. Foley?

  Right.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  Where they, where I, at this point, I mean, I was born, there was kids-

• 44:57H. Foley?

  Daringly knew them.

• 44:57Speaker 01

  There was dudes that were like 40, that he, you know what I mean, like, uh, I remember one time I was staying with them, and the house was, they lived in South Jersey, and like, I was also two, that blew my mind, they lived down the shore but not on, they lived like inland.

• 45:13H. Foley?

  You know how I feel about that.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  They're like, "We're going to the," they're like, "We're going down the shore," and I wanted to be like, "There's trees everywhere, lady, this is not down the friggin-"

• 45:21H. Foley?

  It's Egg Harbor shit. Deep cut.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  E H T. Uh, I remember being like, "What?" And we were in the, I was close with them and everything, but like, not to, not to the level I see my mom has with my nieces and nephews.

• 45:35H. Foley?

  Right.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  Where you're like, "Oh, that's fucking, you know," there's fucking 25 of us running around.

• 45:40H. Foley?

  He calls you the niece's son.

• 45:42Speaker 01

  Ah, you don't, no, they were, they were awesome, but I remember one point, he was like, he had food out on the table, like, for dinner, for him, and he was making, I don't know what it was, like, I was at his house, and then he had like leftovers, it was like, it might as well have been from another planet to a six-year-old me.

• 45:56H. Foley?

  Liverwurst.

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, he's like, "Don't go eat," like, as a joke, he's like, "Don't go eating my dinner," I wanted to be like, "Buddy, your secret's safe with me."

• 46:03H. Foley?

  Were you guys staying for dinner?

• 46:05Speaker 01

  I don't even wanna be in the kitchen. What?

• 46:06H. Foley?

  Were you staying for dinner? Or you were leaving?

• 46:09Speaker 01

  I was just there, I don't remember the day, I was six, I was just there, I don't know if they were watching me, or if we were just staying, there was a lot of times we stayed there.

• 46:17H. Foley?

  You probably heard about the raviolis.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  This kid's gonna be all over my shit, treating it like jail.

• 46:24H. Foley?

  Talk about a dog, he's gotta put it up on a high shelf.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  I'm up there batting at it and shit.

• 46:29H. Foley?

  Let me tell you about begging. He's slapping your snout.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  I'm under the table. Uh, yeah.

• 46:37H. Foley?

  Let me tell you about feeding the Kevin from the table.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  I remember sweating, sweating in that office. I, that's where I, they had like a convertible couch.

• 46:45H. Foley?

  Ah.

• 46:47Speaker 01

  One of those like eighties convertible.

• 46:48H. Foley?

  Brutal.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  It was probably new then, you know, yeah, it was new. And I remember they, he, they wouldn't cut the air on for fucking nothing.

• 46:56H. Foley?

  Goddamn company.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  It'd be August in your inland. It'd be fucking, no breeze at all.

• 47:03H. Foley?

  Nothing but you and the skeeters.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  Oh, you're looking in the pine barrels.

• 47:07H. Foley?

  Ah, it always sucked with, with the AC wasn't on, but the window would be open and it seemed like the air was going out.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  You don't know what's happening.

• 47:15H. Foley?

  Wouldn't break the barrier to get inside the room. Man, dying for some trade wins. Christ. Praying a Clipper came through.

• 47:25Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Just wanting something, dude. Just being like, I gotta physically change how I feel. There's no way I'm sleeping. I used to think that at six, seven years old. No way.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Man, I was always looking for snakes in this backyard too. Were a lot of brush. Pine needles and brush. No way. Uh uh. There were weird set of kids down there that I had to like, see, who are you?

• 47:51H. Foley?

  Ah, I hated that.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  There was sand in the lawn. You're like, what the fuck is going on here?

• 47:56H. Foley?

  I didn't like that. When there was a weird, I, I, I told you, my grandmother was sick. They sent me off to this family's house and I lived there for like two months. And the kids were weird. They had a shed, Pink Floyd t-shirts. I think they were smoking weed. I couldn't tell, but man, they had like dirt bikes and. Ah, it's just, it was a bad scene. It's like I got sent to join a biker gang or something like that. I didn't know if they were coming back to get me. I was sleeping on a pullout in the middle of their living room. I think I was like four or five. It was fucking brutal.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  I had the same feeling.

• 48:30H. Foley?

  Fucked me up. Parents just left me somewhere. My brother got to go to my, my, my Aunt Mary Captain and Uncle Red's, treated like a goddamn king.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  Seemed to be over it.

• 48:41H. Foley?

  I was out at the Lipfords in the woods.

• 48:43Speaker 01

  Yikes.

• 48:43H. Foley?

  Shout out to them.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  That's a dirt driveway if I ever heard of it.

• 48:46H. Foley?

  Woo. Long too buddy. Real long.

• 48:49Speaker 01

  Anybody can get you out. Can't hear you scream.

• 48:51H. Foley?

  Yeah. My mom always throws it in my face that when they came back to pick me up, I wouldn't go to her. I ran over to.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  The ice cream guy? You.

• 49:01H. Foley?

  I ran over to the, when she came up to get me, I ran back and put my arms around the lady's house it was.

• 49:08Speaker 01

  Man, you must have just talked about this in therapy or something, that is.

• 49:11H. Foley?

  She was feeding me. I don't know, she fucking left me, you fucking dumb bro.

• 49:16Speaker 01

  Hey, listen, I loved you and all, but I gotta, I gotta make ends meet here. I didn't know if you were coming back or not.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  It's adapt or die out here.

• 49:27H. Foley?

  They had weird shit for dinner too, I didn't like it. No meatballs and mashed potatoes, that bad, they had.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, my mom knew better not to, she'd be like, listen, he ain't gonna eat whatever, and it's just not worth it to fight with him.

• 49:40H. Foley?

  Hunger strike.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  He becomes quite the little bitch.

• 49:44H. Foley?

  Why are my french fries green?

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Wow, I didn't like getting a green end on a fry either, I knew.

• 49:50H. Foley?

  Oh, man, as a kid, Mickey D's, you catch one of those?

• 49:54Speaker 01

  I'll still eat around it now, unless I'm drunk.

• 49:57H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 50:00Speaker 01

  Alright, let's see here, this one, oh, we should have done, we should have done this one earlier on in the dining etiquette. This one, obviously we're against, this is from James, $10 equity partner here, never had one read. Ever have an uncle or other family member absolutely dressed down a waiter beyond comfort?

• 50:17H. Foley?

  Oh my god.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  Brutal, during a nice dinner at Gibson's, find out what Gibson's is.

• 50:21H. Foley?

  I know a Gibson's.

• 50:22Speaker 01

  Is that a steakhouse?

• 50:23H. Foley?

  Think so.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  That's Dawson's, JB Dawson's?

• 50:26H. Foley?

  Oh, I know a JB Dawson's as well, Gibson's Bar and Steakhouse, yeah.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  Is they, is that like, uh?

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Chicago, it seems like, Midwest?

• 50:33Speaker 01

  Uh, click on, let me get a menu on that, oh, there's three of them.

• 50:36H. Foley?

  Yeah, one in Rosemont. What are we going back to, Chicago?

• 50:39Speaker 01

  We were just in Chicago in September.

• 50:41H. Foley?

  Ah shit, that's right.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  Reeking my stones. Jumbo lump crab cake, out the door, 26 bucks, how you doing?

• 50:48H. Foley?

  There you go.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  Alright, nice joint?

• 50:50H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  During a nice family dinner at Gibson's, my Uncle Frank destroyed a waiter during his first week for a few different service issues. The service issues weren't great, particular for a joint like Gibson's. But dressing down lasted entirely too long and drew far too much attention. I would fucking kill myself.

• 51:09H. Foley?

  Yeah, what a fucking asshole.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  That's a dickhead move.

• 51:11H. Foley?

  Dickhead. Never had any, never, never

• 51:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 51:15H. Foley?

  one of the men in my family act like that or do something like that, even if it was a nightmare. And we've had a couple of nightmare scenarios. I told you that place, that one place in Philly that we used to like to go to. You know what I'm talking about. The last time we were there as a family, it was a disaster. Nobody said a word.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  It's also like, that hap- like, listen, it's performance. You get a bad, shit happens. You know, as long as it's not, listen.

• 51:39H. Foley?

  I had an aunt that would send things back a lot, but she would always be nice to me. She's, "I'm sorry, just I can't..." She was very particular. She couldn't have like, like the scrapple had to be like very, very well done, or you know, if the temperature was wrong, "Would you mind putting out..." She was always sweet about it, and a, and a great temper. But, especially the, the first week? You're fucking busting the ga- I guarantee you Frank wasn't paying the check either. That's the kind of guy that does that, the guy that's not paying the check.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  Right, good point. Yeah. His, his brother's got a cash.

• 52:08H. Foley?

  Yes.

• 52:09Speaker 01

  "My brother, my brother doesn't work fucking 80 hours a week for him to come here and he spilled a water on me."

• 52:14H. Foley?

  Very Uncle Frank in Home Alone.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  Yes. I don't know what a waiter would have to do for me to dress them that, like, I mean, I've been spilled on, spit at.

• 52:25H. Foley?

  You like that?

• 52:26Speaker 01

  Hold my nose.

• 52:28H. Foley?

  Wait, my mouth wasn't open.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, I don't know, like, what they could do to where I would get mad enough or like, I feel strong enough that, that I would have to do that.

• 52:40H. Foley?

  In front of everybody, in front of the kids, and you're just teaching that generation that. You know?

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Sure, but I think you're also good, like, this kid sees it and goes, "Oh, I don't..." Well, you're teaching, "I don't wanna be that guy."

• 52:51H. Foley?

  That's great, shout out to this guy.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? Like, man, this is thoroughly embarrassing.

• 52:55H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, it's a tough look. Don't ever, yeah, no, no dressing. Listen, you went out, you rolled the dice, it didn't happen, take it and move on. You know, you can't break the guy's fucking stones for it. Yeah, I mean?

• 53:09H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Um, alright, let's see here. This one's from Foley CPAP. "Is it garbage at my vacations as a teenager? Was taking a 12-hour bus ride by myself to my sister's, where I would work for her boyfriend's company moving oil rigs for two weeks, and then take the bus back home. My first day, the lead hand asked me, 'Ever meet a crackhead?' Well, this is Dingwall, and he'll be training you today." I mean, that's a tough...

• 53:36H. Foley?

  I thought lacrosse camp was bad.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  (laughing)

• 53:38H. Foley?

  Yikes.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  I didn't get to have my bagel and my pancakes. I mean, listen, that's a tough... Kid's probably a worker now.

• 53:43H. Foley?

  Worker.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  Probably a great life lesson. I don't know from the many, very many people that were taking 12 hour... I've never taken a fucking 12-hour bus ride by myself.

• 53:51H. Foley?

  That's on a vacation, by the way, just so you know.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  It probably, it sounds like child labor.

• 53:55H. Foley?

  That's exactly what it sounds like to me.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  Which I'm okay with.

• 53:58H. Foley?

  How old did he say he was?

• 54:00Speaker 01

  Uh, he did, oh, he just said as a kid. I mean, you gotta be 16, you gotta be, you know, mid-high school to late-high school.

• 54:06H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  Uh, during the summer, I would assume.

• 54:09H. Foley?

  Man.

• 54:10Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 54:10H. Foley?

  Seems like a situation where he didn't get to keep the money either.

• 54:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:14H. Foley?

  You know?

• 54:15Speaker 01

  He's gotta, he's gotta kick up to the sister, find her's fee for finding 10% to her, the buddy.

• 54:19H. Foley?

  Something, yeah.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  Put his neck out for you, the first 500 goes back to him.

• 54:24H. Foley?

  Man, I'm glad my parents weren't like that.

• 54:27Speaker 01

  What?

• 54:28H. Foley?

  Like, the only time they ever grifted me was my, uh, uh, communion money. I never saw a dime of that.

• 54:35Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 54:35H. Foley?

  But otherwise, that was mine.

• 54:37Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:38H. Foley?

  You know?

• 54:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was, yeah, mine was very like, you know, I started working young, but it was very like, if you made a hundred bucks that week, like if that was your check from the grocery store, from the restaurant, or whatever, it was like, that's just, I then don't have to go to her for like, oh, we're going to the movies, or we're going to the mall, because that's when-

• 54:56H. Foley?

  Where's your money?

• 54:58Speaker 01

  That's when 20 bucks started like not being kind of enough. I hit that age.

• 55:03H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:04Speaker 01

  Like that inflation or that time period where it was like, I remember when it was like five bucks, and you're like, I'm out for the day, I could get so-and-so a slice of pizza too.

• 55:13H. Foley?

  When I was a kid at 20, I was like getting a hundred.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, but that slowly started being like, the fuck am I gonna do, you know, like, we're going to the mall, slice of pizza at the mall, or like, the food court was costing you 13 bucks.

• 55:24H. Foley?

  Sparrow, six bucks?

• 55:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, out the door.

• 55:26H. Foley?

  Jamming me up. Thick slice, though.

• 55:28Speaker 01

  I love a Sabaro's, well documented.

• 55:31H. Foley?

  Never, we've talked about this, never had it.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 55:34H. Foley?

  Never allowed to go near it.

• 55:35Speaker 01

  I was, I never knew it was a chain.

• 55:40H. Foley?

  Michael Scott?

• 55:41Speaker 01

  No, well, the, the, the only one was in the Oxford Valley Mall.

• 55:46H. Foley?

  You didn't go to another mall and see another Sparrow?

• 55:48Speaker 01

  The, like, the Shammany Mall was something else, it was like Two Brothers or something, you know, La Familia.

• 55:53H. Foley?

  They don't have that over there.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  Not whatever, but it was something-

• 55:55H. Foley?

  They weren't, the Shammany Mall, that's not Sparrow country. That's, yeah, that's fucking-

• 56:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was like, individual-

• 56:02H. Foley?

  That's Three Toes Pizza.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, Jimmy No Nose Pizza. But, so the only Sabaro's I ever had was, who are you looking up? The Shammany Mall pizza places?

• 56:11H. Foley?

  Is this what you do back there at home show?

• 56:14Speaker 01

  For the listener, we can see the screen now, which is bad, Luke should have turned the television off.

• 56:18H. Foley?

  This is what you do?

• 56:20Speaker 03

  Just see what's up.

• 56:21Speaker 01

  He's gotta stay on top of it, we need information. Now, check out, hold on, let's do a, let's do a little something fun. You're right where, zoom in on that, click on that map. Alright, now go,

• 56:32Speaker 01

  Old Lincoln Highway, hold on, give me a sec here, where's the Oxford Valley Mall? Home Improvement, oh, that's the Shammany Mall, pull out, now pull, check, look for the Oakford Inn. It's right off Route 1.

• 56:44H. Foley?

  Now, that sounds nice.

• 56:46Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 56:47H. Foley?

  I bet you they do a nice blue cheese at the Oakford Inn.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  No, just Google it, the Oakford Inn.

• 56:51H. Foley?

  Nice wed salad.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  I think you're wrong.

• 56:56H. Foley?

  It's a house.

• 56:58Speaker 01

  No.

• 56:58H. Foley?

  Didn't we drive by it when we were in the Lumina?

• 57:00Speaker 01

  It's a strip club. I think it's called Scruples now.

• 57:03H. Foley?

  Oakford Inn sounds a lot better.

• 57:05Speaker 01

  Alright, I stand corrected. I guess it's closed down. I grew up, it was, uh, the Oakford Inn? And then, uh, that was the first place where I had to ask my mom what that place is and why it didn't have any windows.

• 57:15H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 57:16Speaker 01

  And why my dad's car's out front all the time.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  Uh, but that was the joint where like, people would go, you know, ladies that we grew up with would end up there.

• 57:26H. Foley?

  Working there.

• 57:27Speaker 01

  Working there, working there.

• 57:28H. Foley?

  I was always so jealous of that. I feel like you had hotter chicks or something like that. In your, in your peer group. I didn't have any strippers. What about cool?

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Sure. You should've hung out with a worse crowd. I don't know what that, I hung out with degenerates with, uh, with dabbled in narcotics at an early age.

• 57:49H. Foley?

  You had Playboy Playmates at your school.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  We did.

• 57:53H. Foley?

  Pretty good.

• 57:54Speaker 01

  Shout out to ya. Shannon James. Miss May? Two thousand, no, six?

• 58:03H. Foley?

  Look, what are you doing? Get out of there!

• 58:06Speaker 01

  Machi, machi, you can't be putting that up.

• 58:08H. Foley?

  It's a family show.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  I gotta go revisit those pictures. What the heck is that?

• 58:14H. Foley?

  She used to come to the shows, right?

• 58:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was just talking to her the other day.

• 58:17H. Foley?

  Sweetheart.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  In my dream. No, she's a good friend. I knew her, I knew her, I knew her, uh, yeah, junior high.

• 58:24H. Foley?

  Shout out to her.

• 58:25Speaker 01

  Um, I think, uh, Flip was in, dated her at an early age. And I think, uh...

• 58:32H. Foley?

  A good-looking kid.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  Famously broke up with her at Valentine's Day, so we didn't have to buy her anything in like, 8th grade. Sucker! I should've stuck that out.

• 58:43Speaker 01

  Okay, talk about a loser move.

• 58:45H. Foley?

  Talk about selling Bitcoin early, huh?

• 58:48Speaker 01

  Guy got the fucking, guy got shorted in the market. Uh, alright, this one's from Real Housewives of Blue Bell. When was the last time you were on a trampoline? I'm probably two year, within two years I've been on it.

• 59:01H. Foley?

  Really?

• 59:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, my, my, uh, my sister has one for her kids.

• 59:04H. Foley?

  And you got up there?

• 59:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, you get on there, wrestle with the kids. I got two tree bounces and then I'm out. Yeah, I'm not fucking.

• 59:10H. Foley?

  Never a trampoline guy. I was petrified of them and I couldn't do the things that other, I just wasn't built like that. I couldn't do the flips and shit.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 59:19H. Foley?

  I always got scared. And I always fell right through the thing. On the side with the, with the coils.

• 59:25Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 59:26H. Foley?

  Ooh, that scratches, that hurts. That's pain.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  Should get you on one now.

• 59:31H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 59:32Speaker 01

  End up on the moon.

• 59:35H. Foley?

  Watch the windows on the International Space Station?

• 59:41H. Foley?

  Is that funny?

• 59:42Speaker 01

  We, we had, we had one that my stepdad found.

• 59:46H. Foley?

  That's never good.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  No, it was so, so bad. It was recta, it was a gymnast one. Someone had left in like a barn that his buddy bought, his buddy bought a property. Some sort of farming proper, something like that.

• 59:58H. Foley?

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:59Speaker 01

  And this was left in there. And it was right when trampolines hit and our neighbors got the cool, nice one with the blue wraparound cover for the springs.

• 1:00:07H. Foley?

  Right.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  And ours was a rectangle, uh...

• 1:00:11H. Foley?

  It was a big hammock.

• 1:00:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was a big rectangle with like, remember they had the short strings? The short springs? These were like a foot and a half long.

• 1:00:19H. Foley?

  That's dangerous.

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  And people would come over and like kids would be like, what the hell is this thing? And I mean, this thing would fucking launch you, dude. This thing was, it was like medical grade trampoline.

• 1:00:29H. Foley?

  It's for the Olympics.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was that kinda thing. And man.

• 1:00:32H. Foley?

  Practice at the X Games.

• 1:00:34Speaker 01

  So many people got, my neighbor cracked her head wide. This is still the 90s, so you go, ah, you alright? No one's suing. Now she'd be fucking...

• 1:00:42H. Foley?

  That's those metal, the metal that went around those things were dangerous. Plus if you had a screw that went through it or a nut that went through it or a bolt that went through it and then the nut and that rusted.

• 1:00:52Speaker 01

  Woo!

• 1:00:53H. Foley?

  Even if it was flat.

• 1:00:54Speaker 01

  Tennis.

• 1:00:54H. Foley?

  Dude, you catch your elbow on that, scarach.

• 1:00:57Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:00:58H. Foley?

  Brutal.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  Uh, alright, let's see here, um... This one's from Melly Mel, $10 homie. Uh, is it garbage if your dad, this, I just don't even understand this. Is it garbage if your dad owns 21 tractors? I guess tractor, yeah, he keeps four covered in a tarp in the driveway and will take parts for them to make the others work. There will only, there's only like five that actually work at any one point. Every time he sees one for sale, he can't help himself but buy it. My boyfriend asked him if he had one he could use to cut his grass and he wouldn't even give him one. This guy's fucking screwballs.

• 1:01:35H. Foley?

  He likes his tractors.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  I know, but let your fucking son-in-law use one.

• 1:01:38H. Foley?

  Then he fucks it up. He's using them as parts.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  I know, but they, I listen. You got 21 tractors.

• 1:01:44H. Foley?

  Only four of them work.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  I mean, how big-

• 1:01:46H. Foley?

  Take a broken one and fix it, bring it back.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  That'll get you.

• 1:01:49H. Foley?

  Right.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  You go start, do something for me, you know what I mean?

• 1:01:52H. Foley?

  Exactly.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  Um, alright, but we gotta wrap it up, gang.

• 1:01:55H. Foley?

  What a fun one.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  Ooey.

• 1:01:56H. Foley?

  Gang, do us a favor, go over there, grab the cards.

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  Hit me.

• 1:02:00H. Foley?

  They're gonna sell out.

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:02:01H. Foley?

  We love ya. See you next week.

• 1:02:03Speaker 01

  Peace.