Kevin Ryan & H. Foley Are American Garbage | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series. Andrew Santino sits down with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley, the boys behind the hit comedy podcast Are You Garbage?, for a conversation about stand-up, growing up, family, questionable decisions, and all the little things that separate classy people from absolute trash. Kippy and Foley have built a comedy empire out of asking one simple question: Are You Garbage? From childhood habits and family traditions to the kind of behavior that would get you banned from a country club, these two have made a career out of finding the garbage in all of us. Their brand-new comedy special, American Garbage, is streaming FREE on YouTube! The boys take their signature humor to the stage for a full-length stand-up and crowd-work special dedicated to the fans who helped make Are You Garbage? what it is today. Watch American Garbage on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77zGwlLffWk Check out Are You Garbage? and get tickets to their live shows: https://areyougarbage.com Support Are You Garbage? on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Follow Are You Garbage?: https://www.instagram.com/areyougarbage Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #AreYouGarbage #AmericanGarbage ====================================================== This episode is sponsored by: FABLETICS GET 70-80% OFF WHEN YOU SIGN UP! http://fabletics.com/wg26 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:19Speaker 01

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• 0:49Speaker 02

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• 1:08Speaker 03

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• 1:19Andrew Santino?

  Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a Wave Series. Hey, Whiskey Ginger fans, I'm putting up a bunch of dates very, very soon. As of right now, I just have March 27th in Las Vegas, La Hoya. I'm going to be playing at the Cosmo, at the Chelsea Theater at the Cosmo. Come see me. And we're putting up a ton, and I mean a ton of dates in the new year. I'm so very excited to get back out there. Also, I might have a little secret project I might be doing with Adam Ray.

• 1:43Andrew Santino?

  We'll see. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets. Andrew Santino.com. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  Oh, that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a fugitive. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the horse.

• 2:04Andrew Santino?

  Ginger's, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.

• 2:11Speaker 05

  You don't give it to me?

• 2:13Andrew Santino?

  Save it. Will you hold on two seconds? I'll make fun of you when these cameras are up. Do I look cute?

• 2:17Speaker 06

  Who's, who's, come on, this guy's closing deals. You're over here going, save it.

• 2:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Save it. You're such a, you're a wealth of knowledge and experience. I don't even know how.

• 2:25Speaker 05

  Thank you.

• 2:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, really? That looks good?

• 2:28Speaker 05

  I spent some time in the far east.

• 2:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you were married, right?

• 2:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:35Speaker 05

  See what he did there? He stink. He's got motorcycle golf carts outside.

• 2:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, see, look, he's already creating division.

• 2:43Speaker 05

  You're charging me for Lucy Breakers when I leave this studio.

• 2:46Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guests are here, some of my favorite people, I don't understand the from my guests, but I mean, once again today, it is the return of the RU Goddabitch Boys. Hey! The boys are back in the building and I noticed the watch. The kid is rocking a big gold honkin' watch.

• 3:00Speaker 05

  I'll sell it to you right now for $75.

• 3:03Andrew Santino?

  Sell, sell off of your body. You're like a, you're like an old street hustler from the 70s.

• 3:07Speaker 05

  I'll sell it to you right now. You like Tommy Cans, I'll give you these.

• 3:09Andrew Santino?

  No dude, I don't want clothes and, I don't want your apparel.

• 3:12Speaker 05

  Why not?

• 3:12Andrew Santino?

  I'm just complimenting you, it looks nice. It looks like a, you know what the thing is?

• 3:15Speaker 05

  It is a nice watch.

• 3:16Andrew Santino?

  A guy of your size, take this the right way.

• 3:18Speaker 05

  Here we go.

• 3:19Andrew Santino?

  Cannot wear a small watch. It looks goofy when a, when a guy, when I would see a big guy with a small watch, it's gross.

• 3:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's weird.

• 3:24Andrew Santino?

  This, so these big watches, on the contrary, when a skinny guy wears those, he looks like a Dumbo. So big watches are for big men. That's why, because you're a skinny boy now.

• 3:33Speaker 05

  This is a 42.

• 3:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, 42, 42 is a good size for a man of your.

• 3:37Speaker 05

  You know what I'm talking about?

• 3:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, 42 is the measurement of the size of the comfort of the watch. It's not in, it's not inches. You think that's 42 inches? You think that's 42 inches?

• 3:46Speaker 05

  No.

• 3:47Andrew Santino?

  It's millimeters.

• 3:48Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 3:48Andrew Santino?

  Could you imagine a 42 inch watch?

• 3:51Speaker 05

  Flavor Flav in the house.

• 3:52Andrew Santino?

  Flavor Flav would have that. Flavor Flav might have it. Boys, welcome back to Los Angeles.

• 3:55Speaker 05

  Thanks buddy.

• 3:56Speaker 06

  Thank you, buddy.

• 3:56Andrew Santino?

  How long are we in town for?

• 3:57Speaker 06

  Couple of days.

• 3:58Speaker 05

  Couple of days, we're on the coast.

• 4:00Speaker 06

  Popping, doing some shows, popping out.

• 4:03Speaker 05

  Standing at the Plaza.

• 4:05Andrew Santino?

  Wait, Stavi's there.

• 4:06Speaker 06

  At the Plaza?

• 4:07Andrew Santino?

  Jinx.

• 4:08Speaker 05

  No.

• 4:09Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, but he, I think he is.

• 4:10Speaker 05

  This is the Beverly Hills Plaza Ramada.

• 4:12Speaker 06

  This is like not that.

• 4:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I don't know, then I don't know. But Stavi's in town and I, I'm, maybe it is the Plaza, you guys. He might be staying with you guys.

• 4:19Speaker 05

  I can't see Stavi staying where we're staying.

• 4:20Andrew Santino?

  You don't hear moaning from one of the rooms down the hall all night long?

• 4:23Speaker 05

  Toothache pain?

• 4:24Andrew Santino?

  Let me tell you something, that guy, no, he's a, he's a Casanova.

• 4:27Speaker 05

  He's doing all right.

• 4:28Speaker 06

  He's looking, he's looking, love that guy.

• 4:30Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 4:31Speaker 06

  Even as a bigger guy, obviously, he's still, you know, he's, but when he was at his, his biggest, he really carried it with cachet and was confident. And now that it's slimming up, it's like, it's tenfold.

• 4:40Andrew Santino?

  It's too much.

• 4:41Speaker 05

  He's a, he's a good big, I'm a bad big.

• 4:43Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean you're a bad big?

• 4:43Speaker 06

  You've been a good big.

• 4:44Speaker 05

  No, but I got the, the gut hanging down, the flap. I gotta get it cut. If I keep losing weight, I'm down 100. If I keep losing more weight, I want to get it all cut off.

• 4:52Andrew Santino?

  Have you yo-yoed at all? Have you gone back up?

• 4:54Speaker 05

  No, no, not this time.

• 4:55Andrew Santino?

  It's been only down.

• 4:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's been only down.

• 4:57Andrew Santino?

  Last time I saw you, it's down.

• 4:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 4:58Speaker 05

  Yo, I'm down since last time I saw me.

• 5:01Andrew Santino?

  When I was at the house with you guys in the basement?

• 5:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:02Andrew Santino?

  You lost more from then.

• 5:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, about 50 pounds down from that.

• 5:05Andrew Santino?

  Well, you, you got skinny though. He got Hollywood on us, didn't he?

• 5:08Speaker 06

  Me? No, I had, I, I, I had a kid, I had a kid and I had to, I was like, just such a fat piece of shit. Smoking cigs, drink, it was like.

• 5:17Andrew Santino?

  Are you still smoking?

• 5:17Speaker 06

  No, I'm off the heaters.

• 5:18Speaker 05

  You just sent him to get a pack of cigarettes.

• 5:20Speaker 06

  That's all fucking hearsay. If my wife's watching this.

• 5:23Speaker 05

  I know he's going out drinking tonight. Not without his keys.

• 5:26Andrew Santino?

  Wait, and why are you against this? Because you're clean, you're off the sauce.

• 5:29Speaker 05

  I'm off the sauce, yeah. No, I don't give a shit what they do.

• 5:31Andrew Santino?

  Since March?

• 5:32Speaker 05

  So I relapsed in March.

• 5:33Andrew Santino?

  Sorry.

• 5:34Speaker 05

  No, it's all right.

• 5:35Andrew Santino?

  What'd you do?

• 5:35Speaker 05

  It's part of the process.

• 5:36Speaker 06

  It was real sweet.

• 5:37Andrew Santino?

  What did you do?

• 5:38Speaker 05

  Uh, what do you mean, what did I do? Drugs and alcohol.

• 5:41Andrew Santino?

  What'd you dip into?

• 5:42Speaker 05

  Coke.

• 5:42Andrew Santino?

  What's your, that's your one of choice? Coke is, oh, you love it.

• 5:45Speaker 06

  It's the best.

• 5:46Andrew Santino?

  See, you dream about it, you like reminisce about it.

• 5:47Speaker 05

  It's so funny, I did Ustream about it a couple of days ago.

• 5:50Andrew Santino?

  Does he talk to you about it when he, when he flips, when he goes back into the mud?

• 5:53Speaker 06

  No, it's all, it's a big, uh, bad ruse of lies and, you know, which I get, you know, we, we've talked about the, obviously, we're, we're pretty, he's obviously open about it and then we're open about, you know, uh.

• 6:04Speaker 05

  Being mad at me for it?

• 6:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, for sure.

• 6:08Speaker 05

  They're very upset.

• 6:10Speaker 06

  Sure, well, it goes back to like, hey, what you do in your free time. We run a business together. We run a very successful, demanding business. We travel, there's, we have a very, you know, we do four episodes a week, it's a very.

• 6:20Speaker 05

  Got mouths to feed, Santino.

• 6:21Andrew Santino?

  Well, he has mouths to feed now, you have a mouth to feed.

• 6:23Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 6:24Andrew Santino?

  And we want to keep it at one.

• 6:25Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 6:26Andrew Santino?

  You don't, no kids for you.

• 6:27Speaker 05

  That's not true, I want to have a baby.

• 6:29Andrew Santino?

  Ladies, listen up. The man wants to have a child. So if anybody out there wants to have a baby.

• 6:35Speaker 06

  Or you want to buy a watch for $75.

• 6:38Andrew Santino?

  Please email us at Iwant, uh, [email protected]. Can we see if we have that domain? [email protected], we'll field somebody's.

• 6:46Speaker 05

  If I keep my nose clean, I'll be, I'm very successful.

• 6:48Andrew Santino?

  You are?

• 6:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, I do all right. We do all right.

• 6:51Andrew Santino?

  Can I ask an out of pocket question? You can tell me, no, I don't want to talk about it.

• 6:55Speaker 05

  No.

• 6:55Andrew Santino?

  What's like the most amount of money you spent in one night when you, when you get back into the bag?

• 6:59Speaker 05

  Well, I'm not getting back into the bag.

• 7:01Andrew Santino?

  No, when you did.

• 7:02Speaker 05

  When I did.

• 7:02Andrew Santino?

  Like, what's the most that you dropped? I hate, I don't want to talk money, but I'm just curious, like, what, what's your explosion?

• 7:09Speaker 05

  15?

• 7:11Andrew Santino?

  15 grand?

• 7:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:13Andrew Santino?

  Holy shit. Oh my god.

• 7:16Speaker 06

  Go bigger, go home. Hit us up.

• 7:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's a heavy hit.

• 7:21Speaker 05

  I'll say it's a couple of days.

• 7:24Andrew Santino?

  That's like two, three days, you get a hotel and you disappear, you have some friends come and go.

• 7:27Speaker 05

  Uh huh.

• 7:28Andrew Santino?

  And you're just sitting at it the whole time.

• 7:29Speaker 05

  Uh huh.

• 7:30Andrew Santino?

  Plotting, planning, scheming.

• 7:31Speaker 05

  Something like that, yeah, you know.

• 7:32Andrew Santino?

  And you never leave.

• 7:33Speaker 05

  No. Well, you go down and get Gatorades and stuff like that.

• 7:36Andrew Santino?

  Gatorades.

• 7:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:37Andrew Santino?

  Is that the coke addict's choice? Gatorade?

• 7:39Speaker 06

  Riptide rush.

• 7:40Speaker 05

  A screaming cold Gatorade after not eating for like three or four days?

• 7:43Andrew Santino?

  That's what they should sell them at the gas station. They should sell it as a coke, a coke, a coke.

• 7:48Speaker 06

  Picture of Foley all fucking.

• 7:50Speaker 05

  The best is a.

• 7:50Speaker 06

  Yacked out with a Gatorade?

• 7:52Speaker 05

  Screaming cold 20 ounce cherry coke.

• 7:54Andrew Santino?

  Cherry Coke is God, man. What do they do to that thing?

• 7:56Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 7:57Andrew Santino?

  Put in there, man.

• 7:58Speaker 05

  It's, it's even better at the movie theater.

• 8:00Andrew Santino?

  See, but I'm at the age now where I'm only doing diets.

• 8:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course, me too.

• 8:03Andrew Santino?

  But why do we graduate?

• 8:04Speaker 06

  We were talking about this one, something, we were Wild Cherry Pepsi, when Wild Cherry Pepsi hit, that was the, that was it.

• 8:09Andrew Santino?

  Do you guys remember Clear Pepsi?

• 8:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:11Speaker 06

  That was before Pepsi Clear.

• 8:12Andrew Santino?

  How old are you? 30?

• 8:14Speaker 05

  I'm surprised you remember, you're a young man. Are you 40?

• 8:16Andrew Santino?

  43.

• 8:17Speaker 05

  You're 43.

• 8:18Andrew Santino?

  Well, 42, 40, I'll be 42. I keep saying it because it's around the corner.

• 8:21Speaker 05

  So you barely remember that.

• 8:23Andrew Santino?

  Clear Pepsi?

• 8:23Speaker 05

  Yeah?

• 8:24Andrew Santino?

  No, I remember it.

• 8:24Speaker 05

  I remember caffeine free Pepsi, I remember.

• 8:26Andrew Santino?

  Jolt Cola?

• 8:27Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 8:28Andrew Santino?

  Jolt was huge, loved it.

• 8:29Speaker 06

  You feel your teeth start rotting right away.

• 8:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, three times the caffeine, you never drank it? We loved that shit.

• 8:33Speaker 05

  It was like, it might as well have been meth.

• 8:34Andrew Santino?

  And then in junior high, we used to love to get the, um, 40 ounces of, uh, root beer. They'd sell 40 ounce root beers.

• 8:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:40Speaker 06

  What was the brand?

• 8:41Andrew Santino?

  Not A and Dub, it was like a, it was someone trying to break into the root beer game.

• 8:46Speaker 05

  Remember when Barks hit?

• 8:47Andrew Santino?

  Well, Barks is, Barks got bite.

• 8:48Speaker 05

  Barks came out of nowhere.

• 8:50Speaker 06

  What was the, did you, did you get into any of the canned iced teas out there in Chi-town?

• 8:54Andrew Santino?

  You know what's so funny is I was so obsessed at one point with Arizona iced teas. My buddy worked at a gas station, we'd go get high and smoke cigarettes all night long in the, in the mechanic shop. That's what we did all night long.

• 9:03Speaker 06

  Why is that so fun?

• 9:04Andrew Santino?

  Shout out Billy, Billy, you know where you are. By the way, Billy's probably running like a financial firm right now and he was working at a gas station, but we used to go get stoned, rip cigarettes.

• 9:12Speaker 05

  Willie, is this you?

• 9:12Andrew Santino?

  And then steal, yeah, his wife. And steal Arizona iced teas in the bottle. And Arizona used to make one called Memory. It had a picture of Einstein, it was a blue bottle. I liked it so much, I saved it.

• 9:22Speaker 05

  Was it with Ginkgo Biloba in it?

• 9:24Andrew Santino?

  It did have Ginkgo in it, you're exactly right. That's exactly right.

• 9:27Speaker 05

  You weren't drinking green tea with ginseng, were you?

• 9:29Andrew Santino?

  I liked it okay, that's fine. But, but the latter years, they introduced.

• 9:33Speaker 05

  I didn't know you were a 20 year old chick following Dave Matthews around the country.

• 9:36Andrew Santino?

  First of all, dude, I'll rip a Mike's Hard Lemonade right in front of your face, kiss you on your mouth. I'll take you to the Sand Dunes and grab a six or a Mike's. No, but that one, right there with Einstein, Memory, that was my favorite drink.

• 9:46Speaker 06

  Holy shit, that's a fucking blast from the past.

• 9:49Andrew Santino?

  Let me tell you something, if I was stoned, if I was stoned out of my brain and I needed to level out before I went home to see my mom and dad, I would crack, I'd crack one of those and I'd feel perfect again. Like it just got me back. Nowadays, you can't, you can't break the stone.

• 10:02Speaker 05

  They stepped over Snapple like they were not even moving and Snapple was huge.

• 10:07Andrew Santino?

  Here was Snapple's biggest mistake.

• 10:08Speaker 06

  Hit me.

• 10:09Speaker 05

  Go ahead.

• 10:09Andrew Santino?

  They didn't, they, they weren't, their flavorings all at some point taste the same. Snapple kind of like felt like I drank, I drank a Snapple, it tasted like another version of a Snapple.

• 10:18Speaker 05

  Very good.

• 10:18Andrew Santino?

  Didn't have uniqueness, Arizona really broke the code.

• 10:20Speaker 06

  They went bold.

• 10:21Andrew Santino?

  They, they knew what they were doing.

• 10:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, they went, they went after the kids.

• 10:24Andrew Santino?

  99 cents for the tall can forever.

• 10:26Speaker 06

  The great buy.

• 10:27Andrew Santino?

  What do you want?

• 10:27Speaker 06

  That's amazing.

• 10:28Andrew Santino?

  Now they're $1.99.

• 10:29Speaker 06

  Is that what it is?

• 10:30Andrew Santino?

  I think it's $1.99.

• 10:31Speaker 05

  Really?

• 10:31Andrew Santino?

  Look it up, what it is.

• 10:32Speaker 05

  Cause he wouldn't change it for a long time and he also made sure he put the 99 cents on the can, so retailers couldn't change it. Those guys at 7-Eleven, they'll start making moves.

• 10:40Andrew Santino?

  Last night we were driving back, give me your two cents on this too.

• 10:43Speaker 05

  Please.

• 10:43Andrew Santino?

  We were driving back down, back to LA from up north. Is it a buck 99?

• 10:47Speaker 02

  It's still 99, but it depends on what the retailer.

• 10:50Andrew Santino?

  can choose to sell it for more.

• 10:52Speaker 06

  Fucking rats. Thanks a lot, Mondami. This is the New York you wanted.

• 10:57Speaker 05

  It's all private equity.

• 10:58Andrew Santino?

  We were driving down back into LA.

• 11:00Speaker 06

  He's big on private equity. He doesn't know what it is.

• 11:02Andrew Santino?

  He keeps throwing private. We'll talk about PE in a second.

• 11:04Speaker 06

  How is private equity guy?

• 11:06Andrew Santino?

  I know he wants to have venture capital conversations. I understand what he wants to get into when he said before the show.

• 11:10Speaker 06

  Tariffs.

• 11:11Andrew Santino?

  We're driving by the, Oxnard has a huge, has, it's like Oxnard Auto, Autoplex. It's gotta be a mile and a half of car dealerships.

• 11:18Speaker 06

  I love that. We used to have the auto mall outside Philly.

• 11:19Andrew Santino?

  It's unbelievable how big it is. And my wife and I were like, I was like, God, is that many people still buying cars at this rate that they need that much inventory? Like, it's absurd. It can't be. But then I remember how bothersome it is to me that there are no price, cars don't have, MSRP is fake.

• 11:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:34Andrew Santino?

  It's suggested retail prices. So, any dealership could charge this or that. It doesn't matter. This needs to end at some point. Car dealerships need to go, the car is 37 grand. It has to be 37 grand when it goes out the door.

• 11:44Speaker 06

  That's what it is. Whoa.

• 11:46Andrew Santino?

  I, it's a joke that you can go to a dealership in Tucson, Arizona, or go to one in Pittsburgh, and it's the exact same car, same specs, two completely different prices. I'm not including state tax. I'm saying.

• 11:55Speaker 06

  I mean, even Pittsburgh, it can be four different, you go to four different, four different four.

• 11:58Speaker 05

  A guy like you, a talker like you, you don't like walking in and, and beating them up and getting them down?

• 12:03Andrew Santino?

  Years ago, I used to love that game.

• 12:04Speaker 06

  It's the only thing you do anymore.

• 12:06Andrew Santino?

  If a friend was buying a car, I'd love to go with them, just to shimmy the deal with them.

• 12:09Speaker 06

  Really?

• 12:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I got tired of it because I'm like, this is all a big scam. They're ripping people off and there's no end to it.

• 12:14Speaker 06

  Now, I, I.

• 12:15Speaker 05

  But not when, not when, not when, not when the redheaded bulldog walks in there.

• 12:18Andrew Santino?

  They're gonna get you. They will get you.

• 12:20Speaker 06

  Really?

• 12:20Andrew Santino?

  Every time. You're never, ever gonna get, I got a good deal. It's not a real thing. No, you didn't. Do you not have a car, i- if you ever had someone in your family or friends that, that, that sold cars?

• 12:29Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 12:30Speaker 05

  No.

• 12:30Andrew Santino?

  They'll tell you, there's never, ever, they've never, ever, ever given a good deal. It doesn't exist. You think it is, but they're getting it.

• 12:36Speaker 06

  They're either like, hey, I made 900 bucks on this car, or I made 1,400. Like, it's like, they're still, they're still making.

• 12:42Andrew Santino?

  There's no such thing as them not walking with cash in their pocket.

• 12:44Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 12:45Andrew Santino?

  And the biggest fool's game for people out there, don't ever put money upfront. Don't do it. Don't do it.

• 12:50Speaker 05

  That's my big thing.

• 12:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, I did that.

• 12:52Speaker 05

  I'm a lease guy.

• 12:52Andrew Santino?

  Don't give them the money. If you're giving them the money, that's.

• 12:54Speaker 06

  To lease or to buy?

• 12:55Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't matter. Don't do it. It's gonna go right in their pocket.

• 12:57Speaker 05

  I never had it.

• 12:57Andrew Santino?

  And then you're like, my payments are higher. And you're like, I know, but that cash is lost. It's lost. It, there's no equity in that cash.

• 13:02Speaker 06

  This guy's good. This guy's better. This guy's sharp as a tack.

• 13:04Andrew Santino?

  I just don't believe in giving them, they're, they're, it's a scam.

• 13:07Speaker 05

  That's crazy.

• 13:07Andrew Santino?

  It's a gross little scam and I'm tired of it.

• 13:08Speaker 06

  Do you buy or lease?

• 13:10Andrew Santino?

  Depends on the toy. Like, I would say this, if, if you, if it's a brand, if it's a new car, let's say you're like, oh, I wanna go get a new, you know, Toyota 4Runner, right? It's a brand new car. Lease that thing.

• 13:21Speaker 06

  This guy in a chick cars, what the fuck?

• 13:22Andrew Santino?

  No, no, 4Runner's a good car. Shout out Toyota, good cars. Coors do make phenomenal cars.

• 13:26Speaker 06

  Sure. I'm an American guy, but yeah.

• 13:28Andrew Santino?

  My buddy's a car, my buddy owns car dealerships and he told me one time, he goes, of all the car dealerships that you've owned, which one prints money the most? He goes, hand over fist, not even close. Lexus is a joke. He's like, Lexus prints.

• 13:41Speaker 06

  Cause they're Toyotas.

• 13:42Andrew Santino?

  Prints money. Yeah, because it's, because it's people with a little bit more money than a Toyota and they want a little bit up. Or, it's billionaires. The richest people you know drive Lexuses and Toyotas, I'm telling you.

• 13:51Speaker 05

  Did you have a Toyota 4Runner?

• 13:53Andrew Santino?

  I don't have one.

• 13:54Speaker 05

  That's ISIS shit.

• 13:55Andrew Santino?

  It's a great car. Hey, hey.

• 13:57Speaker 05

  Throw a 50 cal in the back of that?

• 13:59Andrew Santino?

  We keep emailing you. Are you gonna join finally? You have all the, all the fixins that we're ready for, dude.

• 14:03Speaker 05

  I don't wanna get locked into a contract, shit.

• 14:05Andrew Santino?

  Can you imagine how much we can strap to your body and hide it under a coat?

• 14:07Speaker 06

  That's a lot of TNT.

• 14:09Andrew Santino?

  No one's gonna say anything.

• 14:10Speaker 05

  Man.

• 14:11Andrew Santino?

  You can't fat shame a TSA.

• 14:12Speaker 05

  That's true. Never seen me coming.

• 14:14Andrew Santino?

  No, so that, I, I say, I say that those cars are like the biggest, that's like the biggest buy, but if you're gonna go get a new car, al- always lease those cars. Give it back to them. You don't want that.

• 14:23Speaker 05

  I love a lease. That always leased.

• 14:25Speaker 06

  We were never a leasing fam, we talk, he's, we talk, this is part of the show.

• 14:27Speaker 05

  Big leasing family.

• 14:29Speaker 06

  He was a leasing family. We never leased, so I'm like, it makes fucking.

• 14:31Speaker 05

  Get a new car every three years.

• 14:32Andrew Santino?

  Also, you're gonna lose money on.

• 14:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, but they're giving all that value back to them. Cause then they turn around and sell that car.

• 14:36Andrew Santino?

  Give it to them.

• 14:37Speaker 05

  There is no value.

• 14:38Andrew Santino?

  It's also their problem.

• 14:39Speaker 05

  You're not leaving with the kippy.

• 14:40Andrew Santino?

  If you're buying an old school car, if you're buying like a, a vintage car that you.

• 14:44Speaker 06

  Let's say a 1995 Chevy Lumina that I'm currently trying to sell at the moment.

• 14:47Andrew Santino?

  And no one's gonna buy it.

• 14:48Speaker 06

  Fuck.

• 14:49Andrew Santino?

  See? But guys, uh, please, uh, also, uh, email [email protected]. We're gonna get that site as well.

• 14:55Speaker 06

  It's great. It's got 36,000 miles on it.

• 14:57Andrew Santino?

  I've seen, is it the purple one? Or no?

• 14:58Speaker 06

  It's blue, yeah.

• 14:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I've seen it online. Yeah.

• 15:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm trying to, trying to get rid of it.

• 15:01Andrew Santino?

  How much is it?

• 15:02Speaker 06

  I, I got bamboozled on it. Like, bought it from, I ended up, it cost me about 10.

• 15:07Andrew Santino?

  So you got taken.

• 15:08Speaker 05

  Is that crazy?

• 15:08Speaker 06

  To get there. It was a good bit.

• 15:10Speaker 05

  To get there?

• 15:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, I had a guy, I gotta get tires on it. I had to get inspected. I had to get it shipped. It was coming from Indiana or something like that.

• 15:16Andrew Santino?

  That's what I mean. You got stuck, you got taken.

• 15:18Speaker 06

  It was five. And then I think all said and done.

• 15:21Speaker 05

  Another five grand from Indiana?

• 15:23Speaker 06

  But tires, inspections.

• 15:25Speaker 05

  Cheaper than that.

• 15:26Speaker 06

  Registration.

• 15:27Speaker 05

  This guy.

• 15:28Speaker 06

  From where? What?

• 15:28Speaker 05

  Okay, we get around Santino and the big dogs, I really see the cracks in your leader.

• 15:32Speaker 06

  No, what it really. Dude, I'm really good at keeping him in the dark and light.

• 15:36Andrew Santino?

  If you're buying a vintage car, you buy, yeah, buy, buy a cash.

• 15:38Speaker 06

  1995 Chevy Lumina isn't a vintage car, I would say.

• 15:41Andrew Santino?

  It's old. It's older than him.

• 15:42Speaker 05

  What is that now? Remember, it's 20 years as a classic. Has that changed?

• 15:46Andrew Santino?

  I think a classic has to be noted by the.

• 15:49Speaker 06

  Historic.

• 15:50Andrew Santino?

  The love of the vehicle, right? Yeah, it's gotta be like a, like, like, like a, like a Cutlass Supreme kinda had like a classic, right?

• 15:57Speaker 06

  Luda's in a.

• 15:58Speaker 05

  Monte Carlo.

• 15:59Andrew Santino?

  Monte Carlo, right, right. Or Cadillac Eldorado.

• 16:01Speaker 06

  Grand National.

• 16:02Andrew Santino?

  Like, if you got these things, they had some, they had social worth to them. They were like, there was something about them that was sexy. But if you just have just an old school Camry, it's not gonna have any, even it's 30 years old, it's not gonna have any.

• 16:12Speaker 05

  You know what I always thought was really trashy? And it was always like, one of your dad's friends drove them. They didn't have kids. It was the El Camino.

• 16:20Andrew Santino?

  Oh, it's sexy, dude.

• 16:21Speaker 05

  Ugh.

• 16:21Speaker 06

  Not back then. They're cool now. Back then, it was a little fucking.

• 16:24Speaker 05

  That guy hit his white.

• 16:25Speaker 06

  Irv the perv type.

• 16:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that was. What about the IROCZ? That was when I was a kid. That was like.

• 16:30Speaker 05

  That was badass.

• 16:31Andrew Santino?

  That was badass.

• 16:31Speaker 06

  We just had this question. When was the last time, somebody, somebody wrote it in. That's how good the fucking fans are. When was the last time you were in a convertible with cloth seats? That is a specific time and place of a car.

• 16:45Andrew Santino?

  Look up a Toyota MR2.

• 16:46Speaker 06

  MR2?

• 16:47Andrew Santino?

  Look up the MR2. That's a drop top, I think, with cloth seats.

• 16:50Speaker 06

  Mine was a Firebird, it was T-top, but a Firebird with cig burns all over it.

• 16:54Andrew Santino?

  Firebird phenomenal.

• 16:55Speaker 06

  Shout out to Vinnie with the skinny.

• 16:56Speaker 05

  Dude, smoking the banded car?

• 16:58Andrew Santino?

  I think I told you guys this on, when the first time I did your show. I think we talked, my.

• 17:01Speaker 05

  That's a Trans Am.

• 17:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's, there it is. That's a Toyota MR2.

• 17:04Speaker 06

  Whoa.

• 17:05Andrew Santino?

  Cloth seats. Cloth seats.

• 17:06Speaker 06

  Cloth seats.

• 17:07Speaker 05

  Right out of dental school with that thing.

• 17:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, that dude, that's really like, first good job to see.

• 17:12Andrew Santino?

  My dad, my dad had, he had Firebird.

• 17:14Speaker 06

  Price Waterhouse Coopers just hired me.

• 17:16Andrew Santino?

  He had Pontiac and he had Trans Am Firebird. Both of them made that car.

• 17:19Speaker 06

  Really?

• 17:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he had both of them.

• 17:21Speaker 06

  Damn.

• 17:21Andrew Santino?

  One, one with, you know, the original bird on the hood, the big one, and then the other, then they made it a little bit smaller. That was a sexy car, the Firebird.

• 17:28Speaker 05

  Very sexy. My cousin Pat's redheaded girlfriend.

• 17:31Andrew Santino?

  Hey, slow down. Be careful.

• 17:33Speaker 05

  She was hot. She was hot. Drove a Firebird.

• 17:36Andrew Santino?

  You had a crush on redheads when you were a kid, didn't you?

• 17:38Speaker 05

  I had a crush on all my, my cousins', uh, girlfriends.

• 17:41Andrew Santino?

  I was just gonna say.

• 17:42Speaker 05

  They were all hot.

• 17:43Andrew Santino?

  Hopefully we continue that. All my cousins.

• 17:45Speaker 05

  All my, well, my, I had, I had four older cousins that were, that were pretty cool dudes and they always had hot chicks.

• 17:51Andrew Santino?

  All right, let me say this. Just because you just, you, when you said it, it made me think, you guys run a business, you're on the, you're on the road all the time.

• 17:56Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:57Andrew Santino?

  When Bob and I toured together, real tough, it was the hardest, it was hard for us to tour together.

• 18:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:02Andrew Santino?

  We're so opposite.

• 18:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:03Andrew Santino?

  Now, you guys are not opposite, but you're not one of the same.

• 18:05Speaker 05

  It's bad.

• 18:06Speaker 06

  No, uh.

• 18:08Speaker 05

  You don't like me. I cause a lot of trouble.

• 18:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, no, yes. He paints this as like, I don't, you know, I'm a fucking victim state.

• 18:15Speaker 05

  Guy too. When everyone's like burnt out.

• 18:18Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 18:18Speaker 05

  I'm still going.

• 18:19Andrew Santino?

  Who says goodbye, thank you to the staff when you leave the, the venue?

• 18:22Speaker 06

  We all do.

• 18:22Speaker 05

  We do, yeah.

• 18:23Andrew Santino?

  You do, you do the right thing?

• 18:24Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:24Speaker 06

  Yo, no, like, they see.

• 18:25Speaker 05

  What, are you kidding me?

• 18:25Speaker 06

  You're painting that we're different. We are.

• 18:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, you said that you're a bad guy on the thing. You said you're kinda.

• 18:29Speaker 06

  He's a bad hang. He gets to be a bad hang.

• 18:32Speaker 05

  I wanna be, I want everybody to, thank you so much. I appreciate, I try to one up, especially with the service industry, I try to one up.

• 18:36Speaker 06

  They'll drop, they'll, this is what he'll do, this, which is insane to me, and I could be wrong.

• 18:41Speaker 05

  This is why our sex life's so bad.

• 18:42Speaker 06

  But passionate at times. Uh, I'll be like, hey, can I get another Diet Coke? And they'll go, yeah, sure. And they'll drop my Diet Coke in front of me.

• 18:48Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 18:49Speaker 06

  And I'll go, thank you. And then he'll go, thank you so much. And I'm like, you're undercutting, it wasn't even your delivery.

• 18:55Speaker 05

  I'm cool. These guys stink.

• 18:57Speaker 06

  And now you're one upping me on the, or we'll do the thing where like, you know, we have, we have a corporate credit card, whatever, uh, whole wanna, and then, this happened last time, we, we might've talked, we did, I think we talked about this, with the tip of like, he wants them to know it's coming from them. Or he'll be like, give me 50 bucks. And then I'll give him 50, cause he doesn't have cash, I'll give him 50 bucks of like my personal money.

• 19:17Andrew Santino?

  And he hands it to them.

• 19:17Speaker 06

  And then he'll wanna hand it to the guy.

• 19:19Andrew Santino?

  All right, what's the rule on who tips the driver if you're both in a car?

• 19:22Speaker 06

  We don't tip the driver.

• 19:23Andrew Santino?

  Well, if you, if you, if you're in a black car, one of you doesn't tip, a black car to the venue?

• 19:27Speaker 05

  It's Uber.

• 19:28Andrew Santino?

  It's always Uber.

• 19:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, why? What are you using?

• 19:30Andrew Santino?

  Well, we'll.

• 19:31Speaker 06

  Sometimes it's set up for them.

• 19:32Andrew Santino?

  Uber Black, or it's a car service from the venue.

• 19:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, we never do that.

• 19:35Speaker 05

  You give them cash?

• 19:36Andrew Santino?

  You have to. You ha, you have to.

• 19:38Speaker 06

  We do. We use the, we'll use a car service sometimes, like, whatever, but.

• 19:42Andrew Santino?

  You gotta tip them.

• 19:43Speaker 06

  That's always, the tip's always in, cause I'll, I still book the car service.

• 19:45Andrew Santino?

  The tip is in, but it ain't.

• 19:47Speaker 06

  You're telling, cause that guy last night looked for it. That guy last night was like.

• 19:52Speaker 05

  And I was taking, I was taking black lane cars back and forth to New York to, to do tires. I never tipped a guy once.

• 19:57Andrew Santino?

  And who paid for them? Tires did?

• 19:59Speaker 05

  No, Kevin.

• 20:00Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:00Speaker 05

  Or us, we did.

• 20:02Andrew Santino?

  Kevin, us.

• 20:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:05Andrew Santino?

  Well, when you, when you did tires, they, they sent cars for you, but yeah, you, you always gotta grease them a little bit.

• 20:10Speaker 06

  You gotta grease them, huh?

• 20:10Andrew Santino?

  Well, because those guys, it's like massages. You go to get a massage and like, let's say the price of massages inflated at a spa.

• 20:18Andrew Santino?

  I learned through my wife, who went to massage therapy school years and years and years ago, and when she was out of college. She was like, you don't get any more of that money. The spa keeps all that money. So I was like, oh, the masseuse doesn't get more money if it's more expensive. Like, fuck, no, they get nothing. So you gotta break off those people a little bit. Just cause it's.

• 20:33Speaker 06

  But even now with the, the car service guys, they're accepting it like it's an Uber. Like it comes in, they go, hey, cause I've been in the car where it pops up on the screen. They go, hey, for $214, will you take this ride? And that is with.

• 20:45Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, that's a little different. Then it's included. I know.

• 20:47Speaker 06

  Like, I'm not calling up like fucking Johnson's limousine and being like, send.

• 20:51Andrew Santino?

  You should. It's mom and pop. We should go back to the old days.

• 20:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, Kevin.

• 20:54Andrew Santino?

  We gotta go back to the old days.

• 20:55Speaker 06

  Dude, the guy, the guy last night, we got delayed fucking in New York about four or five hours and.

• 21:00Speaker 05

  That guy didn't wanna go home.

• 21:01Speaker 06

  Dude, we're, yeah, he did it. Cause we're taking off and he, he calls me and texts me while we're on, we're in New York. And he goes, like, it's, they have my flight number, so it's supposed to be updated.

• 21:09Andrew Santino?

  Updating the new guy.

• 21:10Speaker 06

  And he goes, hey, man, I'm here. Let me know when you get your luggage. I go, dude, I am in New York City right now.

• 21:15Andrew Santino?

  It's gonna be a little while.

• 21:16Speaker 06

  You need about, I need about six hours.

• 21:18Andrew Santino?

  Go get dinner.

• 21:19Speaker 06

  He goes, I'll hang out here then. I went.

• 21:21Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 21:22Speaker 06

  He called and texted me five hundred times.

• 21:23Andrew Santino?

  Did you grease him?

• 21:24Speaker 06

  I did it, but he was looking too. Now, I saw it that last night I got out. I went, he was.

• 21:28Speaker 05

  Did he give us nice cold waters and everything?

• 21:30Speaker 06

  He was too much, but yeah, he was, uh.

• 21:32Speaker 05

  He told us how he does. See, I got a ticket. I got a, I get a ticket for the long time.

• 21:35Speaker 06

  I loop around.

• 21:37Speaker 05

  I come in.

• 21:37Speaker 06

  I'm like, dude, we've been traveling for 18 hours.

• 21:39Andrew Santino?

  Poor bastard.

• 21:39Speaker 06

  I don't need to know how to navigate LA.

• 21:41Andrew Santino?

  So how did you like tires?

• 21:43Speaker 06

  It was good. It was great.

• 21:44Andrew Santino?

  Was it, was it nice that they didn't put you in it?

• 21:46Speaker 06

  Oh dude, I'm, I'm not an actor.

• 21:49Andrew Santino?

  Selfish.

• 21:49Speaker 05

  Me?

• 21:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 21:50Speaker 05

  What are you talking about?

• 21:51Speaker 06

  This guy, wait, he's trying to, he's trying to conquer and divide and poach and, and.

• 21:56Andrew Santino?

  You don't like getting your boy in? I mean, that's crazy. You didn't try to get him in stuff. It's nuts. You didn't go.

• 22:00Speaker 05

  It's not Skull and Bones. What are you talking about?

• 22:01Andrew Santino?

  Yes, it is.

• 22:02Speaker 05

  He's a businessman.

• 22:03Andrew Santino?

  Shane was at Skull and Bones at Harvard. You don't know that?

• 22:05Speaker 05

  Was he?

• 22:06Andrew Santino?

  Shane went to Harvard. This whole thing's a lie.

• 22:07Speaker 05

  No.

• 22:09Speaker 05

  You're talking about my boy.

• 22:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, I don't, I, I don't, I don't have the acting bug. Never did. Never wanted to.

• 22:15Andrew Santino?

  I think they should put one scene of you guys together. You're so good together. Something funny. Maybe make him like a driver for you or something like that.

• 22:22Speaker 06

  Hit me.

• 22:23Andrew Santino?

  Grease me. Come on.

• 22:24Speaker 05

  I'll see what I can do.

• 22:25Speaker 06

  Please, talk to them.

• 22:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, right.

• 22:28Andrew Santino?

  You don't wanna do, yeah, you don't wanna do that.

• 22:29Speaker 05

  Make some, make it something.

• 22:30Andrew Santino?

  I mean, Bobby didn't even try to get me on the show. Bobby got it.

• 22:32Speaker 06

  Oh, I didn't even think that's where this is coming from.

• 22:35Andrew Santino?

  You get it?

• 22:36Speaker 06

  I didn't know, no.

• 22:37Speaker 05

  Did you get him on Dave? Huh?

• 22:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, we tried.

• 22:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:40Andrew Santino?

  Bobby went to rehab.

• 22:42Speaker 06

  What?

• 22:42Andrew Santino?

  Well, first of all.

• 22:43Speaker 06

  Shout out Bobby.

• 22:43Andrew Santino?

  Bobby and I were supposed to be on Beef together the first season and I did it and the character's fucking name is Bobby.

• 22:50Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 22:50Andrew Santino?

  And another gentleman got it because Bobby went to rehab.

• 22:53Speaker 05

  You were great in it.

• 22:54Speaker 06

  This is, we're so stupid that we didn't even put that to get, not at all, dude.

• 22:59Andrew Santino?

  No, but I think, I think for what I've been told that he's gonna go back. Bob's thing will come back. Bobby will go back again on tires in the next season.

• 23:07Speaker 05

  Oh, fantastic.

• 23:07Andrew Santino?

  That, that, I think they want his character.

• 23:09Speaker 05

  He was great. He was great. Season was fantastic.

• 23:11Andrew Santino?

  And they got a new, congrats to you guys. You guys.

• 23:13Speaker 05

  Boys did a great job.

• 23:14Speaker 06

  Season four. Shout out to the boys.

• 23:15Speaker 05

  Shout out to the boys.

• 23:16Speaker 06

  Home team winning, baby. Love to see them.

• 23:18Andrew Santino?

  Well, dude, there is no other.

• 23:19Speaker 06

  Philly's on the map. Shout out Stuff Island.

• 23:21Andrew Santino?

  Stuff Island, one of, one of the greatest, one of the greatest shows in the world and also, uh, um. Uh, why can't I think of the cooking show? What's wrong with me?

• 23:27Speaker 05

  Look at Dish.

• 23:28Andrew Santino?

  Look at Dish.

• 23:29Speaker 05

  Look at Dish.

• 23:30Andrew Santino?

  Look at Dish. Check out those boys always. See, we're plugging inside.

• 23:33Speaker 05

  High tides raise all ships.

• 23:34Andrew Santino?

  You believe in it, don't you?

• 23:35Speaker 06

  A hundred percent.

• 23:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:36Speaker 06

  You, I mean, you're a big proponent of that.

• 23:38Andrew Santino?

  We try, we try to. I wish we had the Sandler universe. Whatever Adam's figured out, I'm like, how do we copy that math?

• 23:44Speaker 05

  We all started doing, we started doing open mics together, like from jump.

• 23:47Andrew Santino?

  I know. It's like, but he's, and he's found a way to employ all of his friends all the time. I think it's like the coolest thing in the business that you're like.

• 23:53Speaker 05

  Talented group of gentlemen.

• 23:54Andrew Santino?

  That also helps, but so are you, I mean, so are you guys. So it's like everyone that is getting up on that show. I'm like, oh man, another win for Shane and the tires. It's like Shane, Shane's done a good job of doing that where I don't think there's any other show where guys are doing that that you can sneak on with.

• 24:08Speaker 06

  There's, I mean, I was like, we were talking the other day. It's like, you look at it. It's like, I think 99% of the cast is like.

• 24:15Andrew Santino?

  Friends.

• 24:16Speaker 06

  I have their phone number. It's like, not even like a straight, it's like, oh, it's, everybody is in the immediate, where like, everybody got a job. It's sick.

• 24:24Andrew Santino?

  It's awesome.

• 24:25Speaker 05

  That's about the change for me. I'm changing my number and blocking you.

• 24:28Andrew Santino?

  You think you're getting too big now, huh?

• 24:29Speaker 06

  He's straight, he really thinks that.

• 24:32Andrew Santino?

  Has, has, has that, has the tires led you down any roads of?

• 24:34Speaker 05

  I live in Ian's basement.

• 24:36Andrew Santino?

  You do?

• 24:37Speaker 05

  Yes, I do.

• 24:38Andrew Santino?

  You live in Ian Faidance's basement?

• 24:39Speaker 05

  And I'm currently in, in his pocket.

• 24:41Andrew Santino?

  When you say in his basement, you really live down there with him?

• 24:43Speaker 05

  I live right next to the B and Ian set.

• 24:45Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 24:46Speaker 05

  I feel like I'm really in show business.

• 24:49Andrew Santino?

  Did you burn through all the money you made on tires?

• 24:52Speaker 05

  Uh, I burned through all the money I made on everything.

• 24:54Speaker 06

  Anywhere. What do you thought, every?

• 24:55Speaker 05

  Any money I've been, he put it in a good way. Any money that I've made in my entire life, I spent it.

• 24:59Speaker 06

  Every dollar he's made from, from, no, like, think about it.

• 25:02Speaker 05

  In the end.

• 25:05Speaker 06

  He started working at 12.

• 25:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, nothing.

• 25:07Speaker 06

  And he hasn't been able in 40 years to save one dollar.

• 25:10Speaker 05

  Shout out to Jim Restaurant.

• 25:11Andrew Santino?

  What can, what can we do to get you on a path to safety? You're not burning his pocket.

• 25:15Speaker 05

  I had to, I had to, you know, quit doing drugs.

• 25:18Andrew Santino?

  He's interested in private equity. That's the funniest part.

• 25:20Speaker 06

  He wants a private equity guy by his watch.

• 25:22Andrew Santino?

  What do you know about this world that you're in?

• 25:23Speaker 05

  I don't know. It's just a buzzword, buzzword that's going around. So I wanna look cool.

• 25:26Andrew Santino?

  It's not going around. You're pushing it around.

• 25:28Speaker 05

  Data center, whatever that is.

• 25:30Speaker 06

  All these data center private equity guys.

• 25:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, private equity's a big thing.

• 25:34Andrew Santino?

  Did you get taken on crypto too?

• 25:35Speaker 05

  What's that? No.

• 25:37Andrew Santino?

  You get, did you do crypto?

• 25:38Speaker 06

  I lost a little bit. I, I just, not bad though. Not bad.

• 25:41Andrew Santino?

  Shout out to my boy Vin. Shout out to my Vin in, in New York. Vin was like, in his kitchen with his parents and he's like, dude, you gotta get in. My buddy's got this thing. We gotta get in this crypto thing. It's a new one. It's gonna, da, da, da. I dumped money into it like a bozo within like 48 hours. God.

• 25:56Speaker 05

  So you got, I'd love to take a look at your books. I'd love to know what's on there.

• 25:59Andrew Santino?

  You want my books?

• 25:59Speaker 05

  I'd love to know.

• 26:00Andrew Santino?

  He runs them.

• 26:01Speaker 06

  No, this guy, the world's smallest desk. This thing's crazy, dude. That's insane. Things are going well. Get the guy a full, it looks like he's in math class over here.

• 26:10Andrew Santino?

  You gotta keep these guys contained, otherwise they get big in their own head.

• 26:13Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 26:13Andrew Santino?

  He already has, and I know you guys feel that when you guys have your crew, like, he'll admit it. He'll admit it. He's had some fun come around and some, some stuff because of the growth of the show.

• 26:21Speaker 06

  Sick.

• 26:22Andrew Santino?

  And he gets a little above himself. He went to London. This guy was on vacation for a long time.

• 26:25Speaker 06

  Our guy just flew out here fucking Delta One, first class.

• 26:28Andrew Santino?

  This is what I mean. They're getting a little bit.

• 26:29Speaker 05

  Your dynamic is different.

• 26:31Andrew Santino?

  Well, well, this is like my son. I treat him like my son.

• 26:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, my, our producer, Luke.

• 26:35Andrew Santino?

  But then you need to, you need to.

• 26:36Speaker 05

  Is higher up than the company that I own than I am.

• 26:39Speaker 06

  And would anybody push back on that?

• 26:41Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 26:41Speaker 06

  Anybody here?

• 26:42Andrew Santino?

  That's on you, man.

• 26:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:43Speaker 06

  He's a sharp kid.

• 26:44Andrew Santino?

  All right, tell me what you think about this. We're going, I'm going to Atlanta in two days. I gotta go be there for the month. Bobby's gonna be there playing a show.

• 26:50Speaker 05

  Nice.

• 26:51Speaker 06

  Very cool.

• 26:51Andrew Santino?

  We wanna get the boys down there to shoot an episode.

• 26:53Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 26:53Speaker 06

  Love that.

• 26:54Andrew Santino?

  I said, this is great. And he said, well, I'll just meet you guys down there. And I said, are there any?

• 27:00Speaker 06

  Oh, I love this.

• 27:01Andrew Santino?

  Are there any buses that go from Los Angeles to Atlanta? We're gonna put the kid on a bus, on a three day bus down to Atlanta, have him film the whole thing. What do you think about this?

• 27:08Speaker 05

  Okay. That's fun.

• 27:09Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that fun?

• 27:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:10Andrew Santino?

  It keeps him humble and centered. No, it sounds really cool. Very Americana. He's 26.

• 27:15Speaker 06

  Love that. Oh, yeah. Get on the fucking bus.

• 27:17Speaker 05

  If I happen to be on that same bus, I want my face blurred out. I gotta wrap up, keep.

• 27:22Andrew Santino?

  What's up, you guys? Dude, Foley's here. Check this out in pants.

• 27:24Speaker 06

  Yeah. Foley's driving the bus, picking up a shift. Pays 88 bucks.

• 27:31Andrew Santino?

  It would shock you though. How much do you think a bus from Los Angeles to Atlanta costs?

• 27:34Speaker 05

  It's expensive.

• 27:35Andrew Santino?

  How much? Take a guess.

• 27:36Speaker 06

  Wait.

• 27:36Speaker 05

  Thousand dollars.

• 27:38Speaker 06

  488 bucks.

• 27:39Andrew Santino?

  We Googled it the other day. I would blow your fucking mind.

• 27:42Speaker 05

  Trains are crazy too.

• 27:43Speaker 06

  Trains are like a thousand, and they take like four days.

• 27:45Andrew Santino?

  Trains are different. People do that more for, that's retiree to see the country. That's more like a cruise on land. That's all that is. Because you can get like classes on trains where you have nice beds and showers and, how much was it? Um, and if you book it far enough in advance, it'll be between 118 and 210, but last minute tickets could surge upwards between 314 and 430. Hey, $118 for the, for the milk train. That's what, that's what he's gonna be on. In the back of the milk train, lugging it around, three day total.

• 28:13Speaker 06

  You have, you have to take the gear, the gear get there on its own.

• 28:15Andrew Santino?

  No, we're gonna shoot at a studio there. We're gonna shoot the studio, but we do wanna load him up with stuff, just to make it inconvenient.

• 28:20Speaker 05

  Like Blaze Foley hopping on the Greyhound.

• 28:22Andrew Santino?

  Planes, trains and automobiles. I want him to have multiple suitcases.

• 28:25Speaker 05

  I'll do it with you. We'll do a collab.

• 28:27Andrew Santino?

  You should too. You should, you would never last on a train for three days.

• 28:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, what are you talking about?

• 28:31Andrew Santino?

  You could do this?

• 28:32Speaker 05

  When pushed, I've been living out of a suitcase for the last five months and it's the happiest I've ever been.

• 28:36Andrew Santino?

  Because you don't have a home.

• 28:38Speaker 05

  No.

• 28:38Andrew Santino?

  Has he opted to come stay at your house?

• 28:41Speaker 06

  He's asked. Opted is, opted means it's like, it's there on the table.

• 28:45Andrew Santino?

  But no.

• 28:46Speaker 06

  Uh, no, we're in a very.

• 28:47Speaker 05

  My friend Ian Faidance took me in.

• 28:49Speaker 06

  We're currently in like a separation of church and state type vibe.

• 28:53Andrew Santino?

  You too?

• 28:54Speaker 06

  A little bit.

• 28:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I like this. What, what, what's, what's the, what's the needle that kinda cracked it a little bit?

• 28:59Speaker 05

  The needle.

• 29:01Speaker 06

  The crack.

• 29:02Andrew Santino?

  The crack, cracked it a little bit?

• 29:04Speaker 06

  Uh, no, yeah, just like a little bit of a, we live a, we're very, not all, not all throwing the blame at him. We're very codependent. We have been since we met.

• 29:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 29:13Speaker 06

  We've been like, everything we've done, we've done together.

• 29:15Andrew Santino?

  How old did you guys meet? I don't, I don't remember.

• 29:17Speaker 06

  I was

• 29:20Speaker 06

  25. You were, I guess, 35 or whatever?

• 29:22Speaker 05

  32. Yeah, 35. I didn't start commenting until I was 32.

• 29:26Speaker 06

  Yeah. So yeah, 25, 35. And now we're four, I've known, we've been, we've literally have talked and hung out almost every day for 15 years.

• 29:33Andrew Santino?

  Does your wife ever pull you aside and go, enough of this with him?

• 29:36Speaker 06

  I mean, she has her, she, she's, she's aware of the, uh, the bumps and bruises.

• 29:41Andrew Santino?

  Whatever she's doing now at home, listening, that she puts down whatever she has in her hand to listen.

• 29:44Speaker 06

  Just drops a glass.

• 29:45Speaker 05

  All their, all their families talk shit about me. You believe that shit, San Dino?

• 29:49Andrew Santino?

  I don't talk any shit about you.

• 29:50Speaker 05

  I know. I love you.

• 29:51Speaker 06

  No, listen, he also thinks this.

• 29:52Andrew Santino?

  Right here.

• 29:53Speaker 06

  We should swap. Let him take Bobby and we'll hang out. No, he thinks that, he thinks, uh, this is what's going on. And he's like, stop running your mouth. You're talking shit.

• 30:02Andrew Santino?

  People are just, maybe people, it's more concerned than anything.

• 30:04Speaker 06

  There you go. I think that's, yes, people express concern. My wife, everybody's very, well, was, obviously you're doing, you're doing good now, uh, was very concerned and just, you know.

• 30:14Andrew Santino?

  Who's bad?

• 30:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, yeah, you, I mean, you've also, you've dealt with friends in recovery.

• 30:19Andrew Santino?

  It's really unfun.

• 30:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, we've talked about-

• 30:24Speaker 05

  Oh, stop.

• 30:24Speaker 06

  You pussies.

• 30:26Andrew Santino?

  This is what they say, see?

• 30:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's just, it just gets, yeah, it gets trying, that's all, and it's like, you know, we're so intertwined, our lives are so, we do four episodes a week together, plus we tour together, plus we're friends, it's like-

• 30:39Andrew Santino?

  That's hard, that's a hard lift.

• 30:41Speaker 05

  Not anymore.

• 30:41Andrew Santino?

  No, you're friends, you're still in love.

• 30:43Speaker 05

  No, he saved my life, of course.

• 30:44Speaker 06

  Um, hear that? Hasselhoff.

• 30:47Speaker 05

  Why Hasselhoff?

• 30:49Speaker 06

  Cause he saves lives.

• 30:50Andrew Santino?

  Baywatch.

• 30:50Speaker 05

  Where?

• 30:51Andrew Santino?

  You're Pan Anderson, don't you get it?

• 30:53Speaker 06

  They got the jugs on them.

• 30:54Speaker 05

  Hasselhoff did Baywatch for the cash, he's really Michael Knight, Knight Rider.

• 30:58Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 30:59Speaker 05

  He's a man who operates above the law.

• 31:01Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm. Can you go to rehab for being a dickhead?

• 31:05Andrew Santino?

  I should have that.

• 31:07Speaker 06

  I'm H. Foley and I've been a dickhead for 52 years.

• 31:11Andrew Santino?

  Hey dickhead, in unison.

• 31:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, clap.

• 31:14Speaker 05

  I haven't been a dickhead in 12 days.

• 31:16Andrew Santino?

  Do you go into meetings and stuff or not?

• 31:17Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, yeah, meetings.

• 31:18Andrew Santino?

  Like while you're here, will you do that?

• 31:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, I went to one this morning.

• 31:20Speaker 06

  Went this morning?

• 31:21Andrew Santino?

  That's great.

• 31:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:22Andrew Santino?

  Does it help? Cause I got some friends that don't do it, I have a buddy that, you know, we're mutual friends with who's clean and sober and, uh, he doesn't go, he won't go, he doesn't go to meetings, he, he go, he talks to sponsors, talks to people, but he thinks the meetings are tough for him, it gives him anxiety being-

• 31:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, I wouldn't know, I'm in early recovery, I don't have any-

• 31:39Andrew Santino?

  It feels good for you.

• 31:40Speaker 05

  Hundred percent.

• 31:41Andrew Santino?

  But the number one rule is, don't get attached to someone in there, right, can't you not date someone within the first year of recovery or whatever, no?

• 31:46Speaker 05

  No.

• 31:47Andrew Santino?

  You see girls in there that you talk to?

• 31:48Speaker 05

  No, don't talk to anybody, but truth be told, I am a, I'm a scumbag, so sometimes that keeps you going back to a degree, you know what I mean?

• 31:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're not a scumbag, don't say that about yourself.

• 31:59Speaker 05

  Kevin?

• 31:59Speaker 06

  No, no, no.

• 32:05Speaker 06

  I mean, you want me to answer that?

• 32:06Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 32:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, he's a scumbag, we all, I mean, our show is called Are You Garbage? We're not the fucking up, you know, upstanding-

• 32:11Andrew Santino?

  More of a lovable loser. When I first did your show-

• 32:13Speaker 06

  Very much.

• 32:14Speaker 05

  There you go.

• 32:15Speaker 06

  A little less lovable, a little more loser.

• 32:16Speaker 05

  Yeah. In here, we pour whiskey.

• 32:20Andrew Santino?

  Hey there, I'm here to tell you about Fabletics, you've heard of it, you know of it, I hope so, I'm wearing it right now, I'm wearing a top from them right now, it's comfortable, it's sleek, it's cozy, because it's getting a little bit cold outside, a little nipply, and man, I don't know how to shop, uh, I really don't, and people are always like, what can I get you? I'm like, I don't really know, man, but I do love things like this, little, beautiful, simple blanks, awesome, they can go with any occasion, dress them up, dress them down, and the holidays are coming, so, if you're like, I don't know what to buy that person, well, don't get them some graphic tee with all sorts of junk on it, why don't you get them something from Fabletics, they have, uh, I got an incredible, uh, corduroy cool jacket from them, a nice fleece jacket as well, McConaughey's over there rocking the pants right now,

• 33:02Andrew Santino?

  uh, and I'm telling you, now, you can shop men's, women's, accessories, holiday styles, and everyday essentials, all in one place, 70 to 80% off your order, as a new VIP, you can unlock, incredible value, the moment that you sign up, it is incredible, I do love their stuff, it's comfortable, it feels like it's super expensive, and it's not, it's extremely affordable, but the quality is still there. Check for special Black Friday, uh, slash Cyber Monday offers, check Fabletics.com for the latest, limited time holiday offers, shop now at Fabletics.com slash WG26 to get 70 to 80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP, take a quick style quiz and be sure to select WG26 when prompted to unlock this offer, the best styles sell out fast,

• 33:44Andrew Santino?

  so do not wait again, that's Fabletics.com slash WG26 for 70 to 80% off everything as a new VIP.

• 33:56Andrew Santino?

  If you were a football team, you would be?

• 33:59Speaker 06

  The replacements.

• 34:01Speaker 05

  The Eagles.

• 34:01Speaker 06

  I'm Shane Falco, obviously.

• 34:03Andrew Santino?

  No, you wouldn't be the Eagles, Eagles are not level losers, they're winners.

• 34:05Speaker 06

  They, yeah.

• 34:06Speaker 05

  We're winners.

• 34:07Speaker 06

  People like us.

• 34:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:09Andrew Santino?

  Keep saying it.

• 34:10Speaker 05

  Not my family, but still.

• 34:11Speaker 06

  No, it's so funny, uh-

• 34:12Speaker 05

  The Browns, we'll be the Browns, how about the Browns?

• 34:14Andrew Santino?

  You kinda would be Cleveland, you'd be Pittsburgh, Cleveland.

• 34:16Speaker 05

  Without Watson.

• 34:16Speaker 06

  We were, we were the Eagles before they got good.

• 34:18Andrew Santino?

  I said this on the pod the other day, I got sick, right, I was, I was barking, and I'm, I'm gonna get so much flack for it, but I was like, I'm so tired of the fucking Eagles, man, I'm so sick of you guys now.

• 34:26Speaker 05

  Why?

• 34:27Andrew Santino?

  Because you win, because you, cause it's over, you did it, this is the same thing that happened to Boston, it's the same thing that hap, like, even the Cubs-

• 34:33Speaker 05

  So what, one champ, what?

• 34:35Andrew Santino?

  One championship-

• 34:35Speaker 05

  Did you feel that way about Kansas City Chiefs?

• 34:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, everyone's over them.

• 34:39Speaker 05

  Well, now-

• 34:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but people, I'm saying, once you win, no one roots for you anymore, and, and for years, Philly was this-

• 34:45Speaker 06

  People wanted to see Philly win a little bit.

• 34:46Andrew Santino?

  Here's why, listen, think about it, the Sixers, everyone had love for the Sixers in one way or another, Allen Iverson, like, you guys had things that came through Philly where you go, God, I love that team, I don't give a fuck if I'm, if I'm, you know, against them in the same division or something, or conference, but the Sixers, the Phillies, and the Eagles, all very likeable squads, so once everyone got some burn and is successful-

• 35:08Speaker 06

  It wears on people, go, alright, enough.

• 35:10Speaker 05

  The Phillies haven't done it yet, though.

• 35:11Andrew Santino?

  But the Phillies are fucking great contenders still, they're still, they're, they're still making waves.

• 35:15Speaker 06

  They're still studs, yeah.

• 35:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're still, I mean, they've got a winning record this year, and also-

• 35:18Speaker 05

  Think they got a shot this year?

• 35:19Andrew Santino?

  No, not a chance.

• 35:20Speaker 05

  Really?

• 35:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, if we wanna get, if we wanna get in the throes of this, it doesn't fucking matter, dude, the, the, the NL is gonna crush anyone in the AL, and the NL's so tough between the Brewers and the Dodgers, I mean, I don't even wanna get into it, the Dodgers have all the money in the world, they just bought, they bought their way through and they're gonna buy it all the way to the-

• 35:34Speaker 05

  I like that Freddie Freeman, though.

• 35:36Speaker 06

  Private equity, I hear.

• 35:37Andrew Santino?

  Uh, PE, PE sponsors it all, that's exactly what-

• 35:39Speaker 05

  Is that true?

• 35:39Andrew Santino?

  No, dude, no, but you don't-

• 35:40Speaker 05

  You got money in private equity?

• 35:41Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't have any money in private, but I love that you love it, and I, and I wanna lie to you and say yes, just because I know you're so interested in it.

• 35:47Speaker 05

  I don't really know what it is.

• 35:48Speaker 06

  We're looking to get into laundromats.

• 35:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:51Andrew Santino?

  This is good.

• 35:51Speaker 05

  I have a lot of quarters, and I could run it.

• 35:53Speaker 06

  Cash money.

• 35:54Andrew Santino?

  You know what we really need to get into? They say, what are the two businesses that always have money coming in?

• 35:58Speaker 05

  Nick Rosenthal says gravel.

• 35:59Andrew Santino?

  Birth and death, birth and death, dude, anything with birth and death.

• 36:02Speaker 06

  Can't open a hospital.

• 36:03Speaker 05

  I don't wanna run a funeral home, that's too scary.

• 36:05Andrew Santino?

  You'd be good in a graveyard.

• 36:06Speaker 06

  Creepy.

• 36:07Andrew Santino?

  You'd be good in a graveyard.

• 36:08Speaker 06

  You'd be cracking jokes, not bad.

• 36:10Andrew Santino?

  Let him run the desk and you're cranking down the bodies into the ground, I mean-

• 36:14Speaker 05

  I would fuck that up, man, I'd drop somebody, somebody's aunts coming out, yeah, and I hate when they're standing there while you, you, it's the worst day of your life.

• 36:21Speaker 06

  Little bit of space here, fucking pal, what are you doing, you know?

• 36:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:24Andrew Santino?

  I just always think it's like, my grand, my entire mom's side of the family, all the, all the mix, all the Irish got, they've been buried from the same company, right, Cooney.

• 36:33Speaker 06

  That's very Irish, I mean, the Irish were all-

• 36:34Andrew Santino?

  The Cooney family has, they're, you know-

• 36:37Speaker 05

  Call Mike Cooney.

• 36:38Andrew Santino?

  The Cooney, the Cooney's grandfather has buried, you know, half of my family, and then his kids and his kids, and I think-

• 36:44Speaker 05

  Is this the funeral home, I'm sorry?

• 36:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Cooney Funeral Home, what a, what a great racket.

• 36:47Speaker 05

  Great.

• 36:47Andrew Santino?

  My grandfather left a note in his bedside table with money inside of it, cash, and it said, give to Cooney when I croak. And I begged for that, that envelope, but-

• 36:55Speaker 06

  That's great.

• 36:56Andrew Santino?

  I wanted to frame it, I have a photo of it framed, but I wanted the physical envelope, give to Cooney when I croak.

• 37:00Speaker 05

  Who took it?

• 37:02Andrew Santino?

  Uh, some, one of my mom's brothers or sisters has it for sure, I mean, I'll get it when one of them dies, and I'll have to go to Cooney's to get it.

• 37:07Speaker 06

  Cooney will have it.

• 37:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it's, what a great racket, I thought, that's incredible, it's forever, but death and birth, dude, if we get into a death business, people are always dying.

• 37:15Speaker 06

  I can't think like that.

• 37:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, and I can't think like that either.

• 37:18Andrew Santino?

  Well, if you guys wanna get into business with me, and this is what this whole pod is about.

• 37:21Speaker 05

  What about hot dogs? Everybody loves hot dogs.

• 37:24Andrew Santino?

  That's imminent death, by the way.

• 37:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, there you go.

• 37:27Andrew Santino?

  That's smart.

• 37:27Speaker 06

  We'll lead them right to your doorstep.

• 37:29Andrew Santino?

  We'll have a hot dog cart outside of our funeral home, so we'll kinda up the heart attacks.

• 37:32Speaker 05

  Gotta do brick and mortar, I can't do a hot dog cart, small little place, hot dog fort-

• 37:36Andrew Santino?

  So in New York, when you guys are in New York, you won't do street dogs?

• 37:39Speaker 05

  Oh, of course I will.

• 37:40Speaker 06

  Nah, I can't.

• 37:41Andrew Santino?

  You're a no, you're a yes.

• 37:42Speaker 06

  I, I love them, but they're never, they're not good anymore, they were good, they're not like-

• 37:47Andrew Santino?

  Is this a controversial take, cause all New Yorkers still love hot dogs, huh?

• 37:50Speaker 06

  I love hot, I love, don't get me wrong, I love hot dogs.

• 37:52Andrew Santino?

  Not off the street.

• 37:53Speaker 06

  They're just, they're, they're just not that good anymore, unless there's like one that's like, if you just randomly go to one-

• 37:57Andrew Santino?

  What's missing? What changed?

• 37:59Speaker 05

  The love?

• 38:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, the love, the quality is down, the fucking rolls are down, they're not subrets, they're fucking 1199 or whatever, and you're just like-

• 38:07Andrew Santino?

  12 dollars for a dog.

• 38:07Speaker 06

  I don't know what they are, but they're, they're not like, it's not 250 anymore.

• 38:10Andrew Santino?

  Have you had an LA dog?

• 38:11Speaker 06

  No, what's that?

• 38:12Speaker 05

  No, I wanna go to Pink's.

• 38:13Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 38:13Speaker 05

  Why?

• 38:14Andrew Santino?

  You gotta get a street dog from, you gotta go to the east side, right, after a Dodger game or around baseball season. No, no, no, just the east side of Los Angeles, so Echo Park, Silver Lake, where the kids live, where the cool kids are.

• 38:22Speaker 05

  Relax, pulp fiction, I don't know, we don't know this joint.

• 38:25Andrew Santino?

  Call the Wolf, alright, move out of the sticks, fellas.

• 38:28Speaker 06

  Very good.

• 38:29Andrew Santino?

  Some of the best.

• 38:29Speaker 05

  See? He's quick!

• 38:31Andrew Santino?

  But, by the way, the Wolf, for reference, just so you know, for reference, that, he is incorrect.

• 38:36Speaker 05

  Who is?

• 38:36Andrew Santino?

  This is the funniest part about that, Tarantino wrote that wrong, as a guy who knows Los Angeles, the Wolf says, move out of the sticks, fellas, because they lived in the valley, right, that's where we are now.

• 38:45Speaker 06

  Dude, what?

• 38:46Andrew Santino?

  The Wolf lived in Hermosa Beach, or Redondo, Redondo? He lived in the sticks, and he said, for, he told them to move out of the sticks, the irony being, when he says move out of the sticks, you're like, brother, you live in the fucking sticks.

• 38:58Speaker 05

  Does he say he's lived, he was at some cocktail party?

• 39:00Andrew Santino?

  Move out of the sticks, fellas, no, he goes, I'm in Hermosa or Redondo, I'll be there in, it takes 40 minutes, I'll be there in 10.

• 39:06Speaker 05

  I don't think he was living there, he was in a cocktail party at a hotel. I'm positive.

• 39:10Andrew Santino?

  He doesn't live down there?

• 39:11Speaker 06

  But why was he in a suit? Yeah, he was in a tuxedo.

• 39:14Andrew Santino?

  The Wolf is in a suit.

• 39:15Speaker 06

  Nah, but he was, he was at a tux, he was at an event.

• 39:16Speaker 05

  Nah, he was in a tux, he was at some after hours thing.

• 39:18Speaker 06

  I'm not even a big fucking pulp guy, like, I, you know, I don't know it.

• 39:21Speaker 05

  I've seen that about 100 times.

• 39:22Andrew Santino?

  A lot of the sticks, fellow, I know, but I, it makes me feel like he lived down in the South Bay. Or maybe, maybe Jules lived in the South Bay.

• 39:28Speaker 05

  South Bay?

• 39:29Andrew Santino?

  The South Bay.

• 39:29Speaker 05

  You're getting San Francisco and LA mixed up.

• 39:31Andrew Santino?

  No, South Bay is what we call it, Hermosa, Redondo, that's all, Manhattan Beach, that's what we call the South Bay.

• 39:36Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 39:37Andrew Santino?

  It's south of Palos Verdes, don't worry about it, dude, I'm a geographical fucking genius.

• 39:40Speaker 06

  My cousin lives in Redondo Beach and I used to tell people about it all the time.

• 39:43Andrew Santino?

  I love baseball, it's, it's the only thing I love, me and my dad and my cousin Luke text every day when the Cubs are on.

• 39:48Speaker 05

  I've told a lot of people that story that you told me about that guy you talked to on, in that, on that, on the plane.

• 39:53Andrew Santino?

  What guy?

• 39:54Speaker 05

  I don't know if I'm allowed to say it.

• 39:55Andrew Santino?

  Oh, right, right, right.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  You were on the plane with somebody?

• 39:57Andrew Santino?

  Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, that's a great story.

• 39:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:59Andrew Santino?

  That, what, what is it? Tell me, I see you-

• 40:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, Jules, when asking Jules and Vincent where they-

• 40:03Andrew Santino?

  They live, they reply Redondo Beach and Englewood. Oh, right. Okay, Redondo Beach. He said he lives in the sticks. Englewood is not in the sticks. It's south central LA. Yeah. So they're not in the sticks.

• 40:13Speaker 05

  Huh.

• 40:13Andrew Santino?

  So where does the wolf live? Where does the wolf fucking live? This is the biggest question. Does anybody really know? See? I know. And what's in the box?

• 40:20Speaker 05

  Bakersfield.

• 40:22Andrew Santino?

  What's in?

• 40:22Speaker 05

  Oh, it's his soul.

• 40:23Andrew Santino?

  The wolf's.

• 40:24Speaker 05

  You don't know that?

• 40:24Andrew Santino?

  You think so?

• 40:25Speaker 05

  No, definitely.

• 40:26Andrew Santino?

  How do you know?

• 40:27Speaker 05

  I talked to Quentin Tarantino about it.

• 40:28Andrew Santino?

  What, did you have your feet out the whole time?

• 40:30Speaker 05

  What is my, which one of my feet? I'm trying to say casual.

• 40:32Andrew Santino?

  He didn't pick that up. No, Tarantino has a foot fetish.

• 40:34Speaker 06

  He has a foot fetish.

• 40:35Speaker 05

  Oh, he does?

• 40:36Speaker 06

  You gotta have those, you gotta have those piggly wigglies out.

• 40:38Speaker 05

  I never got that.

• 40:38Andrew Santino?

  Are those things good? There's feet in like every.

• 40:40Speaker 05

  No.

• 40:40Andrew Santino?

  Wait, you don't like, you, you don't have a, you don't like a feet thing?

• 40:43Speaker 06

  You say that like everybody likes feet, though. Wait, what, you of all people?

• 40:47Andrew Santino?

  I mean him. Not you.

• 40:49Speaker 06

  Do you?

• 40:51Andrew Santino?

  If a woman has nice feet, it is.

• 40:52Speaker 06

  It's a little bit, I like a ni, I like a nice foot.

• 40:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course.

• 40:55Speaker 06

  I don't want a hoof.

• 40:56Andrew Santino?

  I like a hoof.

• 40:56Speaker 05

  Are you like licking her toes and stuff like that?

• 40:58Andrew Santino?

  I'm either a top or bottom.

• 40:59Speaker 06

  A sweaty hoof.

• 40:59Andrew Santino?

  My wife has claws and I love it. They're gangly. I mean, they're disgusting.

• 41:02Speaker 05

  Huh.

• 41:03Andrew Santino?

  No, I'm kidding.

• 41:03Speaker 05

  What are yours like?

• 41:05Andrew Santino?

  Regu, you know, they're fucked up from years of sports.

• 41:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, mine are.

• 41:07Andrew Santino?

  Sometimes I, I, we went to go get a massage at this place. And then she was like, you want me to do your feet? And I was like, no, thank you.

• 41:13Speaker 06

  Oh, I love that.

• 41:13Andrew Santino?

  For her.

• 41:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:15Andrew Santino?

  Nah, they're all.

• 41:15Speaker 06

  They've seen worse.

• 41:16Andrew Santino?

  They have seen worse.

• 41:17Speaker 06

  Fucking fifteen seconds away from a handjob. Touch the feet, lady.

• 41:20Speaker 05

  My big, my big toe got stepped on by a lineman in college and it's, it, it looks like wood. It literally looks like wood. It's crazy.

• 41:29Speaker 06

  He's got some, he's got, you ever see Jurassic Park when they turn the doorknob? That's what he's got going on.

• 41:33Andrew Santino?

  That's his, yeah, that's his feet?

• 41:34Speaker 06

  The raptor toes.

• 41:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:36Andrew Santino?

  Alright, so then what to you, what's your most, what's your, what's the one thing about a woman that you go, if she has a nice oof, oh my god?

• 41:43Speaker 05

  Can I say that on here?

• 41:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, as long as it's not repulsive.

• 41:46Speaker 06

  Well, hey.

• 41:47Andrew Santino?

  Time out.

• 41:48Speaker 06

  Why don't you whisper it in my ear?

• 41:49Speaker 05

  Um.

• 41:50Andrew Santino?

  Try to say it eloquently.

• 41:52Speaker 05

  I, I'm an ass man.

• 41:54Andrew Santino?

  He likes a tush.

• 41:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:55Andrew Santino?

  You love a good tush.

• 41:56Speaker 05

  More importantly, the.

• 41:57Andrew Santino?

  Well, this is the era of you, dude, because the last ten years has been, this is all butts.

• 42:00Speaker 06

  It's all butt all the time.

• 42:01Andrew Santino?

  We're in butt season right now.

• 42:02Speaker 05

  The inside of it. The butthole.

• 42:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you can say the butthole, dude. That's le, totally legal. You're allowed to do that.

• 42:06Speaker 05

  I'm a dirty little bird, yeah.

• 42:09Speaker 06

  You are a dirty little bird, aren't you?

• 42:11Speaker 05

  He does the voices too.

• 42:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I do it all. I try to touch all the bases.

• 42:15Speaker 05

  Do an Australian accent. Go.

• 42:16Andrew Santino?

  G'day, mate.

• 42:17Speaker 05

  Irish.

• 42:22Andrew Santino?

  No, Irish, you have to load up.

• 42:24Speaker 05

  You do.

• 42:24Andrew Santino?

  Ireland.

• 42:25Speaker 05

  And plus it's north and it's south.

• 42:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, northern Ireland.

• 42:27Speaker 05

  Then you got the British, you got Cockney, you got high.

• 42:29Andrew Santino?

  Like Rory McIlroy.

• 42:30Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:31Andrew Santino?

  But then it depends on the voice that you're doing. Black, I can't do black. Don't, yeah. African American?

• 42:35Speaker 06

  Black Irish?

• 42:36Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that I can do.

• 42:37Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 42:37Andrew Santino?

  You want to hear a good African American guy?

• 42:41Speaker 00

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• 43:55Speaker 02

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• 44:07Andrew Santino?

  Hi, nice to meet you. You fucking racist. You see, you fucking racist?

• 44:11Speaker 05

  We're Mojo Brooks fans.

• 44:12Andrew Santino?

  Who's Mojo?

• 44:13Speaker 05

  I know you lying.

• 44:14Speaker 06

  Sheesh.

• 44:14Andrew Santino?

  Who's Mojo Brooks?

• 44:15Speaker 06

  You don't know Mojo Brooks?

• 44:16Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't know who this is.

• 44:16Speaker 05

  Oh my god, he's the best.

• 44:18Speaker 06

  Shout out Mojo, we have him on the show. He's huge.

• 44:20Speaker 05

  Huge.

• 44:21Andrew Santino?

  Mojo Brooks.

• 44:22Speaker 06

  Mo. Oh, you're not a fucking Instagram Santino? This guy's got his head up so far Hollywood's in, you don't know what the happen on his streets.

• 44:29Speaker 05

  Get off the yacht, private equity.

• 44:30Andrew Santino?

  I'm busy not looking at Instagram. I gotta, we gotta get off of this thing. Let me see Mojo Brooks.

• 44:37Andrew Santino?

  A comedian.

• 44:38Speaker 06

  Killer.

• 44:38Andrew Santino?

  Stand up.

• 44:41Andrew Santino?

  Okay. You twenty, who was this?

• 44:45Andrew Santino?

  That's your friend?

• 44:47Speaker 06

  He kills. Kills.

• 44:49Andrew Santino?

  I think, I think.

• 44:49Speaker 06

  He kills.

• 44:50Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah. I mean. Put a bunch of old white people in the front row, Mojo Brooks is gonna go off.

• 44:55Speaker 05

  Let's go.

• 44:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, see, that's the thing.

• 44:56Speaker 06

  I know you fucking lying.

• 44:58Andrew Santino?

  We can't, can't be the other way around. He's got three point three million followers. Shout out to Mojo Brooks. I do not know you. I want to know you. You seem like the man.

• 45:04Speaker 06

  He's the man.

• 45:05Andrew Santino?

  Come on the show anytime. Wait, how'd you guys get to know him?

• 45:07Speaker 06

  Uh, I, I'd like to, we like, is, I would, we get served up his clips. We think it's, I mean.

• 45:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 45:13Speaker 06

  Do, I, the, the most we've ever laughed as a team together.

• 45:17Andrew Santino?

  Is Mojo Brooks.

• 45:18Speaker 06

  Has been watching Mojo Brooks clips.

• 45:20Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 45:20Speaker 06

  It's like.

• 45:21Speaker 05

  Dying.

• 45:22Speaker 06

  It's, he'll be like, yeah, just whatever you're wearing. He'll be like, look at this motherfucker.

• 45:26Speaker 05

  Short-sleeved turtleneck?

• 45:27Speaker 06

  Short-sleeved turtleneck, and then the camera pans to a guy with a short-sleeved turtleneck.

• 45:30Andrew Santino?

  It's almost like they're planted at this point.

• 45:31Speaker 06

  It's so funny.

• 45:32Andrew Santino?

  You're like, how's that get in there? Who's wearing a short-sleeved turtleneck?

• 45:34Speaker 06

  Because you know you walked out with that thing, and it's like.

• 45:36Andrew Santino?

  He kills them.

• 45:37Speaker 06

  I, it's great.

• 45:38Speaker 05

  I met a gentleman that you're a big.

• 45:39Andrew Santino?

  Shut up, Mojo.

• 45:39Speaker 05

  I met a gentleman that you're a big fan of just a couple of weeks ago.

• 45:42Andrew Santino?

  Who?

• 45:43Speaker 05

  Little Pete.

• 45:44Andrew Santino?

  Little Pete?

• 45:44Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 45:45Andrew Santino?

  Little Pete.

• 45:46Speaker 06

  Did you ever have Little Pete out?

• 45:47Andrew Santino?

  Brother, we're trying and we love him so much. Shout out. Little Pete might be one of the funniest New York stand-ups I've ever seen alive right now.

• 45:52Speaker 06

  Big Little Pete. We're big, we're, yeah, listen, we're big.

• 45:54Andrew Santino?

  I love Little Pete. I think he's one of the funniest dudes I've ever seen in my life. He cuts clips in a way that are, they're completely disregarding of.

• 46:00Speaker 06

  It's insane.

• 46:01Andrew Santino?

  What the fans might want.

• 46:02Speaker 05

  I was starstruck.

• 46:03Speaker 06

  Much.

• 46:04Speaker 05

  I didn't have the courage to say.

• 46:05Speaker 06

  Is how you make it.

• 46:05Andrew Santino?

  He does it his way.

• 46:06Speaker 05

  I didn't have the courage to say hi to him until we left.

• 46:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 46:08Andrew Santino?

  Huh?

• 46:09Speaker 05

  I didn't have the courage to say hi to him at the party until we left.

• 46:11Andrew Santino?

  What party?

• 46:12Speaker 06

  He was at Tim Dillon's house.

• 46:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that makes, that makes perfect sense. Tim's the only guy I know, single, no kids, and has six residences around the country.

• 46:20Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:20Andrew Santino?

  He lives like a Russian oligarch.

• 46:22Speaker 05

  Sharp guy.

• 46:23Andrew Santino?

  No, he's a genius.

• 46:24Speaker 05

  Knows real estate.

• 46:24Andrew Santino?

  He bought this house here that he sold. For much, much cheaper than what he sold it for. And I said, how much work did you do to the house? He goes, almost none. I decorated it. I was like, did they pitch you as the guy who lived here? Because I imagine, people go, Tim Dillon used to live here. Because someone's gotta like that. Do you know what I mean?

• 46:41Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 46:42Andrew Santino?

  Like, we move.

• 46:42Speaker 06

  Not everybody.

• 46:43Andrew Santino?

  Well, I, right.

• 46:44Speaker 06

  People with money, I don't think so.

• 46:46Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, man. He's very connected.

• 46:48Speaker 05

  He does.

• 46:48Andrew Santino?

  He wears enough polo that I feel like, shh.

• 46:51Speaker 06

  He's gotta know where.

• 46:52Speaker 05

  That's the exiled.

• 46:52Andrew Santino?

  How does, you think Ralph sees him and goes, should we sponsor him?

• 46:55Speaker 06

  No, he just goes, what the fuck?

• 46:56Speaker 05

  Timmy's one of the smartest guys I've ever met.

• 46:58Andrew Santino?

  He is. He's a genius.

• 46:59Speaker 06

  Sharp guy.

• 46:59Andrew Santino?

  And he just moved back to New York.

• 47:01Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:01Andrew Santino?

  For what it's worth.

• 47:02Speaker 05

  Back on the island.

• 47:03Andrew Santino?

  He is, right?

• 47:04Speaker 06

  I'm back. I'm out there on the island. He does the summer on the island. Hey, listen, I can't make it in. I'm out here on the, I'd love to, but I gotta go.

• 47:09Speaker 05

  He's out east, that's what he says.

• 47:10Andrew Santino?

  Tim, Tim assumes we all live like him, so he'll invite me to a party at his house in the Hamptons.

• 47:14Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:15Andrew Santino?

  Um, two days from the day of the invite, and I go, I'm in Los Angeles.

• 47:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:19Andrew Santino?

  He goes, you can't make it?

• 47:20Speaker 06

  You don't have a jet?

• 47:21Speaker 05

  What, guy like you, you can hop on a, hop, hop on a red eye?

• 47:23Andrew Santino?

  Brother, no, no thanks.

• 47:24Speaker 05

  You ever take a red eye?

• 47:25Andrew Santino?

  It's funny, I'm about to take a night flight tomorrow, and I dread it like crazy. I don't like them.

• 47:31Speaker 05

  I don't know what a red eye is.

• 47:31Speaker 06

  Do you, do you like a lounge at an airport?

• 47:33Andrew Santino?

  Overnight flight. You don't know what a red eye is? A red eye is, it leaves that night, it wakes, you wake up the next day in an, in another place.

• 47:38Speaker 05

  I've done that before.

• 47:40Andrew Santino?

  I'm not talking about the holiday end, brother. Yeah. Uh, a lounge?

• 47:43Speaker 06

  Do you like a lounge, or do you like going to like a, the, the, the, the sports bar?

• 47:47Andrew Santino?

  No, I can't do the sports bar. It's always packed and there's never a seat, and it's always a thing, and I don't like doing that. Usually, the guys know me, when we, we either get to the airport right on time and go right to the fucking gate.

• 47:58Speaker 06

  I don't like that.

• 47:58Andrew Santino?

  Or, if I do get there early enough, I will hide away somewhere.

• 48:02Speaker 05

  We get there and go to breakfast as a team.

• 48:04Speaker 06

  We meet as a team, two hours ahead of them.

• 48:06Andrew Santino?

  See, this is funny. Bobby doesn't want to do this, so Bobby refuses to eat, meet and eat as a team, unless he gets to be the king of the court, and then he picks where they, where they eat. And they all eat with him, and I usually go by myself somewhere else.

• 48:15Speaker 05

  We enjoy the Palm Restaurant.

• 48:16Andrew Santino?

  I like my alone time.

• 48:17Speaker 05

  In Terminal Four, at John F. Kennedy Airport.

• 48:19Speaker 06

  We're too codependent, we don't.

• 48:20Andrew Santino?

  See, I can't do it. I, he, Bobby wants to hold court, so I let him go do that. I let him take the kids wherever, and then dad goes for his.

• 48:26Speaker 06

  If we're going on a run, if we're doing like, you know, whatever, like, a three-night run, four-night run, or we're doing like a weekend somewhere, it's like, the boys are like chomping at the bit.

• 48:34Andrew Santino?

  Mm.

• 48:34Speaker 06

  We get there, we all link up, it's like, if you get there, God forbid you get there last, everybody's in a circle and you're walking, it's like, you're getting trash.

• 48:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're gonna get.

• 48:42Speaker 06

  You're getting it, something.

• 48:44Speaker 05

  I've done that a lot.

• 48:45Speaker 06

  You come in, if you come in late, you're getting it.

• 48:47Speaker 05

  Usually a little off kilter, if you know what I mean. Trying to, trying to really, you know.

• 48:51Andrew Santino?

  But no bus? You guys aren't on a bus?

• 48:53Speaker 06

  We've done the bus, but no.

• 48:54Andrew Santino?

  Never gonna do that again.

• 48:55Speaker 06

  Uh, I would like to do it one more time, maybe.

• 48:57Andrew Santino?

  No, thank you for us. Absolutely fucking no way.

• 48:59Speaker 05

  You're done, huh?

• 48:59Speaker 06

  We really liked it. It's just. The economics of it don't always make sense for us.

• 49:04Andrew Santino?

  It just doesn't, I don't, I don't, I, I just don't get it. I don't like it. It's just.

• 49:06Speaker 05

  The best night's sleep I've ever had.

• 49:08Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 49:08Speaker 06

  I love it.

• 49:09Andrew Santino?

  You could, you, this guy, sleep on a boat. This guy has night terrors, so he would wake up all night. No, we really thought someone was getting stabbed outside. One night we were in.

• 49:17Speaker 06

  Crazy.

• 49:17Andrew Santino?

  Where were we? And I heard, please stop, no, don't. And I was like, holy shit, someone's dying. I'd like, I'd run down to like. The living area in my sleep. I sleepwalk and sleep talk and scream.

• 49:28Speaker 06

  Well, that's, I mean, okay.

• 49:29Speaker 05

  Did you go to therapy?

• 49:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I haven't had insurance for a few years, so no.

• 49:33Speaker 05

  What do you have on, you have on process childhood trauma?

• 49:36Andrew Santino?

  So let's be careful about this.

• 49:37Speaker 05

  Huh?

• 49:37Speaker 06

  We give, we give, we give full insurance over there at Tooty Industries.

• 49:41Speaker 05

  You have childhood trauma?

• 49:42Andrew Santino?

  A lot of it is just connected to general anxiety, which certain events have made worse over years.

• 49:46Speaker 05

  Whoa, night terrors.

• 49:48Andrew Santino?

  And I remember right before I left, I remember talking to my mom on the phone and being like, should I tell them about the sleep thing? Yeah, you should have. Would've been nice to know.

• 49:56Speaker 05

  Oh, you didn't know?

• 49:56Andrew Santino?

  No, man, we woke up to it. It was like right when I met them too, like right when I started working on them, I was just. We woke up to scream panic attack and I said to him, I said, are you okay, man? What's going on?

• 50:05Speaker 05

  Is this on the bus?

• 50:06Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:06Speaker 06

  That's nuts, dude.

• 50:07Andrew Santino?

  Then finally he was like, hey, brother, I have, I have terrible nightmares and nightmares.

• 50:11Speaker 05

  Were you asleep at the time? Were you sleepwalking?

• 50:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, no, I, it's, it's a way, it's a way that I've woken up many a time, but I woke up.

• 50:16Speaker 06

  He's covering the driver's eyes.

• 50:20Andrew Santino?

  Everybody's looking in and Andrew's like, are you okay?

• 50:22Speaker 06

  Oh, my god, dude.

• 50:24Andrew Santino?

  And we had to take care of him, then we made sure he was okay. So then we strapped him to the bed, he couldn't get out.

• 50:27Speaker 05

  Sure, I had that in a hotel in San Francisco. There was a knock at my door at 2 a.m. There was a 12-year-old Asian boy.

• 50:33Andrew Santino?

  You ordered this?

• 50:34Speaker 05

  No, no.

• 50:36Speaker 06

  Cheaper in San Francisco.

• 50:40Andrew Santino?

  We go down to Hayden Ashbury, I'm in my hotel, and Asian boy just shows up.

• 50:44Speaker 06

  Crazy.

• 50:45Andrew Santino?

  You wouldn't believe it, I believe every second.

• 50:46Speaker 05

  Knocked on the door, he was sleepwalking, he was on a school trip, Austral- an Australian Asian. Australian accent, everything.

• 50:52Speaker 06

  Look at him, hit him.

• 50:56Speaker 05

  Talking about a classic antique. No, it didn't work. Um.

• 51:00Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no. The fans will like it.

• 51:01Speaker 05

  An oddity, you know what I mean? Unique.

• 51:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:04Speaker 05

  Like, like a fusion flavor.

• 51:05Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 51:06Speaker 05

  You know what I mean?

• 51:06Andrew Santino?

  Right, like a fusion restaurant.

• 51:07Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 51:08Andrew Santino?

  Tell me, he knocks on your door and then what? You let him in?

• 51:10Speaker 05

  No. Um, I was, just happened to be peeing at that exact moment. And I swear to god, and I hear this little faint knock at the door, and I open it, I'm like, yeah, and he goes, I don't know what room I'm in. He's got no shoes on.

• 51:24Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's a poor kid.

• 51:25Speaker 05

  Poor kid.

• 51:26Andrew Santino?

  He's lost.

• 51:27Speaker 05

  And I'm like, what? And he's like, I was sleepwalking and I don't know, and he didn't, he didn't remember what room he went in. And I had heard a woman's voice outside when I was like, kinda like, cause I, I'd gone in the hotel room and fallen, fallen asleep with all my shit on. You know, you walk in and you pass out?

• 51:39Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 51:40Speaker 05

  And all the lights are on?

• 51:41Speaker 06

  He keeps saying that. No one's ever agreed with it.

• 51:42Speaker 05

  You don't do that?

• 51:43Andrew Santino?

  I mean, were you high and on drugs? Were you, if I was fucking hammered, I've done a fall asleep on my, on my couch.

• 51:48Speaker 05

  I don't know. Was I on drugs?

• 51:50Andrew Santino?

  If I go back to my hotel room, I'm taking off my clothes.

• 51:51Speaker 06

  I don't think you wearing on drugs that.

• 51:53Speaker 05

  Was it after I was not supposed to be on drugs?

• 51:56Speaker 06

  No, this was the trip that we were all like, pretty sure you're on drugs.

• 52:00Andrew Santino?

  You're on drugs, then yeah, that makes sense, yes.

• 52:01Speaker 05

  And maybe not on drugs.

• 52:02Andrew Santino?

  But don't pitch it as if it's a thing everyone goes into their room.

• 52:04Speaker 06

  But see, he's still lying to be like, was I not supposed to be on drugs here? Kippy, tell me what lies I'm supposed to keep up to you.

• 52:11Speaker 05

  The time, night terrors, huh?

• 52:14Speaker 05

  You didn't, you never walked in a hotel room and like laid down and like, you know, with your jeans on and then just fell, fallen asleep?

• 52:19Andrew Santino?

  Hotel room, hotel room is the most free I've ever been. You're allowed to walk and you get naked immediately.

• 52:24Speaker 05

  Huh.

• 52:24Andrew Santino?

  I love getting naked and laying in the bed.

• 52:25Speaker 05

  Well, I get naked.

• 52:26Andrew Santino?

  Uh, but I don't keep my clothes on in bed, no thank you. Can't do it.

• 52:29Speaker 06

  Why? Street clothes don't go in bed.

• 52:31Andrew Santino?

  Although I will say, I'm getting a little, I, I, I've gotten screwed the last couple of times we've traveled, I've had double beds instead of singles, cause they run out of, run out of singles.

• 52:38Speaker 06

  I don't mind that, I like that.

• 52:39Andrew Santino?

  You know why? I use the one as my dump bed where it's got all my shit on it.

• 52:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 52:42Andrew Santino?

  It's better than that on the floor. It's really nice.

• 52:44Speaker 06

  I don't need a king sized bed.

• 52:45Andrew Santino?

  Don't need a queen, it's good enough for me. I'm a, I'm a queen. I'm good with that.

• 52:49Speaker 05

  I like a queen.

• 52:49Andrew Santino?

  But except when I'm with my wife, if I'm traveling with a lady, then I'm like, dude, give me the biggest bed you have.

• 52:53Speaker 05

  Really?

• 52:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, man, cause we, we like to sleep not near each other.

• 52:56Speaker 06

  I'm the same way.

• 52:56Andrew Santino?

  I can't, I can't feel body heat, I'll, I'll wake up at night, give me the gap, I want the space. Also, we have different sleep schedules. We get home, I get home at a crazy hour. I don't go right to bed, I have to sit on the couch and watch SportsCenter, I have to snack on something, write a little bit, listen to something, watch something. So by the time I get up there, I don't want to wake her up. So give me the furthest away. If we had two beds in the, if we had a double like a hotel, would love it.

• 53:18Speaker 05

  Really?

• 53:18Andrew Santino?

  Push them together when we want to bone.

• 53:20Speaker 05

  I'm in an opposite situation right now.

• 53:21Speaker 06

  Opp- opposite rooms.

• 53:23Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 53:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 53:23Andrew Santino?

  Always?

• 53:24Speaker 06

  No, probably past three years.

• 53:27Andrew Santino?

  With the baby, definitely.

• 53:28Speaker 06

  But for now, definitely it's more, but like I snored heavy.

• 53:32Andrew Santino?

  She was like, is CPAP?

• 53:33Speaker 06

  No.

• 53:34Andrew Santino?

  CPAP?

• 53:35Speaker 05

  Baby, come on.

• 53:36Speaker 06

  This is Jimmy CPAP. That'd be his mom name.

• 53:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 53:39Speaker 05

  I got the ResMed.

• 53:40Speaker 06

  I'm gonna go get the CPAPs, the CPAPs.

• 53:44Andrew Santino?

  That's your screen name on, on, on Madden?

• 53:46Speaker 05

  I gotta change my filter, my filter.

• 53:48Andrew Santino?

  CPAP, CPAP.

• 53:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, ResMed 11, shout out to it.

• 53:51Andrew Santino?

  What is it called?

• 53:51Speaker 05

  ResMed 11.

• 53:52Andrew Santino?

  ResMed 11, is this a compact one you travel with?

• 53:54Speaker 05

  No, but I've seen those.

• 53:56Andrew Santino?

  Let's get him, hey, ResMed guys, let's get him a traveling one, please. I've seen the traveling ones, they're big.

• 54:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're trying to make them smaller, but they're pretty, pretty chunky.

• 54:04Speaker 05

  I think what they need to do, first things first, is change the fucking carrying bag to look like something cool. Like a nuclear football. No.

• 54:12Andrew Santino?

  Sell. What company's gonna be like, yeah, we'll cool it up for your CPAP machine?

• 54:15Speaker 05

  Cool up the bag. Put like Porsche on it or something like that.

• 54:19Speaker 06

  You got driving gloves. Sitting in 30, sitting in 38B.

• 54:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Actually, you know, a luxury company, this could be your, this could be the invention. You, you make a luxury company that makes CPAP machines and people don't feel bad about traveling.

• 54:32Speaker 05

  No, all you gotta, all you gotta do is make the, the bag. Yeah.

• 54:35Andrew Santino?

  Sleek bag.

• 54:36Speaker 05

  Cut this, I wanna.

• 54:37Andrew Santino?

  Cut it, yeah, guys, don't, let's make sure we don't leak this great invention idea. I bet you've got a lot of invention ideas, don't you?

• 54:43Speaker 05

  No, but I just found out something, cause I'm looking for an apartment, I just found out, I think this is the greatest idea I've ever heard in my life, we talked about it on our pod.

• 54:49Andrew Santino?

  How good is it?

• 54:50Speaker 05

  Okay, you know how like when you were.

• 54:51Speaker 06

  It's crazy, you're gonna, you're gonna go, it's wild you're living this kinda life.

• 54:55Andrew Santino?

  Okay, what is it?

• 54:56Speaker 05

  You know how like when you were a young guy?

• 54:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 54:58Speaker 05

  And you were like getting your first apartment?

• 54:59Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 55:00Speaker 05

  But you didn't have enough credit?

• 55:01Andrew Santino?

  That's exactly right.

• 55:01Speaker 05

  So who would you call? You call mom and dad, hey, would you mind being a guarantor on this apartment?

• 55:05Andrew Santino?

  Uncle Mark, who's always a little shady, he lives alone. He's the guy in the pinto.

• 55:08Speaker 05

  They now have companies that act as a guarantor. You can, you hire the company, you pay them like, you pay them like a month's rent.

• 55:16Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 55:16Speaker 05

  And they'll guarantee, they'll be your guarantor for the apartment building.

• 55:20Andrew Santino?

  The credit line.

• 55:21Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 55:21Speaker 06

  They bond, they get you a bond, they, I, I believe they bonded out.

• 55:24Andrew Santino?

  This is a bail bondsman.

• 55:25Speaker 06

  You're not wrong. You're not wrong. The dog, dog the bounty hunter's gonna come get him if.

• 55:29Speaker 05

  Wait, is that what a bond is? That's the same thing as a criminal bond? Like they'd come looking for me?

• 55:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, they're extending the money to you. That's where you're like, dude, it's simple, I go, they're getting the, I don't know what it is, but they're.

• 55:38Speaker 05

  Jump bail on a, on a bond company, that'd be sick.

• 55:40Speaker 06

  You gotta get off the ice, Brad.

• 55:41Speaker 05

  Ah, I would love for the dog to get me.

• 55:43Andrew Santino?

  And then you'd have a warrant for your arrest. That's how that works.

• 55:45Speaker 05

  But the dog's gonna come and get me.

• 55:46Andrew Santino?

  The dog is dead, my dude.

• 55:47Speaker 05

  No, he's not.

• 55:48Andrew Santino?

  He's not in service anymore.

• 55:49Speaker 05

  Yes, he is.

• 55:50Andrew Santino?

  No, he's not.

• 55:50Speaker 06

  Don't you say that.

• 55:52Speaker 05

  He went and got that guy in Mexico. I would love to.

• 55:55Speaker 06

  He missed, didn't get caught at brunch.

• 55:56Speaker 05

  Nah, well.

• 55:57Speaker 06

  They cut, they cut to the dog on D-Day.

• 55:59Speaker 05

  No, they fucking, they lowballed the dog because they didn't want him, the dog went into Mexico on his own and found the guy and got him. Then he was bringing him back to, to extradite him, which means you gotta bring him back to another country, I don't know.

• 56:09Andrew Santino?

  He knows, he knows what that means.

• 56:10Speaker 05

  He doesn't.

• 56:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he does.

• 56:11Speaker 05

  Um, and the Mexican government got mad because the dog made them look stupid and then they arrested the dog, which you do not do. Did it without a gun.

• 56:19Speaker 06

  He got arrested?

• 56:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:21Andrew Santino?

  In Mexico?

• 56:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:22Andrew Santino?

  Not a good place to get arrested.

• 56:23Speaker 05

  No, but they did it because he embarrassed them. He went down there with a fucking fire extinguisher and fucking got the guy.

• 56:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, they always hit you with that bear spray, but then he always let you catch a heater before he took you away.

• 56:32Andrew Santino?

  Well, they gotta let you have the smoke. That, I think that's, that's, that should be in the constitution.

• 56:36Speaker 05

  If the Alphabets boys are out there listening, i- i- if I ever get jammed up like that, let the dog come and get me.

• 56:41Andrew Santino?

  I did see a sign the other day that made me smile. A guy, it was a very American, Americana front yard. He had a couple of trucks laying out there, some parts all over the place, couple of lawn chairs, keep off my fucking property signs.

• 56:51Speaker 06

  I like that.

• 56:52Andrew Santino?

  And then he had a bumper sticker that said, I love the constitution. And I thought, fantastic.

• 56:55Speaker 06

  I love?

• 56:56Andrew Santino?

  Love the constitution. And he loves every piece of it.

• 56:59Speaker 06

  That's great.

• 56:59Andrew Santino?

  I kinda wanted to talk to him so bad. I wish he was in the yard to be like, tell me what you love, I, which, tell me what you love about the constitution. Just cause you know this guy knows every single fucking thing on there. I bet if you asked him, he'd be like, yeah, Article B, 14, 25. I bet he had it all loaded up. Th- these real Americans that exist?

• 57:14Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 57:14Andrew Santino?

  They're few and far between.

• 57:15Speaker 06

  Dude, I got a, by, by me, uh, I got a guy, uh, Vietnam vet in a wheelchair. I don't think it's like because of that, I think he's just older.

• 57:23Andrew Santino?

  They just give you a wheelchair.

• 57:24Speaker 06

  He just, yeah, he just gets it.

• 57:25Andrew Santino?

  At some point you get one.

• 57:26Speaker 06

  Dude, and he's out in his front yard. It's so, he get off my yard.

• 57:31Andrew Santino?

  Love.

• 57:31Speaker 06

  Like they, like they, he's yelling at kids, he's pulling himself around with his feet.

• 57:36Speaker 05

  I don't like that.

• 57:36Speaker 06

  I go, you're a character that needs to exist. Like these kids have to be afraid of someone in the neighborhood.

• 57:42Speaker 05

  I'll give you that.

• 57:42Andrew Santino?

  If kids aren't afraid of someone in the neighborhood, anarchy, they run rampant.

• 57:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, you need that lore to be like, not Mr. Jenkins' house. You need that. We all had that, you fucking need that.

• 57:51Andrew Santino?

  There was a fam, there was a guy, Mr. Kettleman, he was an old crotchety fuck, had, and he had a bunch of land and he had a tire swing on his property that was bigger than anything you've ever seen in your fucking life. And he wouldn't let anybody in the neighborhood on it. The kids would sneak in there at night. You need a kettleman to scare you.

• 58:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:04Andrew Santino?

  Into not being able to do stuff. You gotta break the law.

• 58:06Speaker 05

  But everybody can't act like that.

• 58:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, but you just need a guy.

• 58:09Speaker 05

  My mom had a no solicitation sign on her door. I was like, get rid of that fucking thing.

• 58:13Andrew Santino?

  That's because of her past.

• 58:15Speaker 06

  Couple of customers coming up.

• 58:17Speaker 05

  Couple of gentleman callers. I do declare, I'm not ready for guests tonight.

• 58:21Speaker 06

  How do you think you got through school, young man?

• 58:24Speaker 05

  Your mama sure does care about your schooling, boy.

• 58:26Andrew Santino?

  Such a good quote, and you knew right away where I was.

• 58:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, um.

• 58:29Andrew Santino?

  That's one of the greatest things about that movie is that every lovable character did have a dirty little secret.

• 58:35Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:36Andrew Santino?

  Including Forrest.

• 58:37Speaker 05

  Why? What'd he do?

• 58:38Andrew Santino?

  He was a pervert.

• 58:39Speaker 05

  Why?

• 58:40Andrew Santino?

  I'm kidding, I.

• 58:41Speaker 06

  It all came out later, in his memoir. True thoughts of a pervert, the Forrest Gump story.

• 58:47Andrew Santino?

  I really love Trump.

• 58:48Speaker 05

  Bill Clinton put a cigar somewhere, he chilled and.

• 58:53Andrew Santino?

  No, you need these cast of characters to exist in the world because we are growing out of that. Like, our generation, do you know your neighbors?

• 59:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:01Andrew Santino?

  You do?

• 59:02Speaker 06

  I do.

• 59:03Speaker 05

  It's a touchy subject.

• 59:05Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 59:05Speaker 06

  Why?

• 59:06Speaker 05

  Cause he has a whole life down there then.

• 59:07Speaker 06

  He doesn't like, I have a house in the suburbs that like, you know, we, we, we split time between the city and the suburbs.

• 59:12Andrew Santino?

  Congratulations, you made it.

• 59:13Speaker 06

  Thank you, yeah, it's great. I'm, I'm very proud, I'm very, you know, uh.

• 59:18Speaker 05

  Me and Ian are very happy.

• 59:19Speaker 06

  It's like our five year plan to like, you know, move out there. We had a kid and it's like, well, you know, it's a fixer upper, we're doing work to it and stuff like that, but he don't like that I'm like.

• 59:27Andrew Santino?

  Suburbanite.

• 59:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, he don't like that like people come over.

• 59:30Speaker 05

  It's not that unhappy for me.

• 59:32Andrew Santino?

  Have you invited him over to the house?

• 59:33Speaker 06

  He's been over the house. Dude, you want to?

• 59:35Speaker 05

  Not invited.

• 59:35Speaker 06

  How much of a?

• 59:36Andrew Santino?

  You didn't answer what I just said.

• 59:36Speaker 05

  Not invited.

• 59:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I said invited.

• 59:38Speaker 05

  Not like invited to like as a social situation, like hey, we're having a cookout or a party, you're invited.

• 59:42Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 59:43Speaker 05

  No, it's like, we're on our way to a Phillies game to film something or something like that, and I gotta use the bathroom.

• 59:48Andrew Santino?

  And you're allowed to go just in the, in the first bathroom that you can see, or you, can you use any bathroom?

• 59:52Speaker 05

  I don't think he would let me defecate in his home.

• 59:55Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 59:56Speaker 05

  Which I get.

• 59:57Andrew Santino?

  What are you saying?

• 59:57Speaker 06

  He's gotta go to Old Man Jenkins.

• 59:59Andrew Santino?

  Jenkins and Kettlemans.

• 1:00:01Speaker 06

  You want, you gotta poop? No, this is what this dick, like he's, he, they're, you know, he's sometimes, he's a cute.

• 1:00:06Speaker 05

  Am I the dick kid in this story?

• 1:00:07Speaker 06

  You're a cute, lovable guy, he is.

• 1:00:09Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 1:00:10Speaker 06

  He's very charismatic, he's great, that's why you love him.

• 1:00:13Andrew Santino?

  He's perfect.

• 1:00:13Speaker 05

  Hello, like.

• 1:00:14Speaker 06

  He's like a Sour Patch Kid, they're like, you know, those old commercials where he's like fucking mean to you and then it can win you back. Even the guys on the team go, he's so good at getting you, like.

• 1:00:22Andrew Santino?

  You do, yeah, it's, well, he's an addict.

• 1:00:24Speaker 06

  It's built in, yeah.

• 1:00:25Andrew Santino?

  They know how to.

• 1:00:26Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:26Andrew Santino?

  Trick you into loving them again.

• 1:00:28Speaker 06

  But do we get out of the car, dude, we get out of the car.

• 1:00:30Andrew Santino?

  We're talking about you, by the way.

• 1:00:31Speaker 06

  He gets out of the car and he stands up.

• 1:00:33Speaker 05

  I was thinking if I could get money out of you, I swear to God, I was, I was thinking, yeah.

• 1:00:36Andrew Santino?

  Trust me, I know. I see it in your eyes the whole time. After I heard that fifteen grand, I went fuck.

• 1:00:40Speaker 06

  Joke's on you, he already has your bank card.

• 1:00:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's gonna be, look.

• 1:00:43Speaker 06

  He's trying to guess your PIN, what's your birthday again?

• 1:00:45Andrew Santino?

  He goes, how close is City National Bank to here?

• 1:00:47Speaker 06

  What? Hey, we're City National guys too.

• 1:00:49Andrew Santino?

  You don't have a choice.

• 1:00:49Speaker 06

  You're not personal with City, are you?

• 1:00:51Andrew Santino?

  No. Personal, it's personals in the mattress.

• 1:00:55Speaker 06

  Respect that.

• 1:00:56Speaker 05

  You know what's funny?

• 1:00:56Speaker 06

  I'm a cash business myself.

• 1:00:58Speaker 05

  When I was in the throes of addiction last year, I was staying at a, at the City Club, City Club Hotel in Manhattan. And I never knew there was a City National Bank branch there.

• 1:01:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, there's only a few.

• 1:01:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, and I was right down the street from it, and in my head, I'm like, I'm right next to the.

• 1:01:15Andrew Santino?

  All the cash.

• 1:01:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:01:17Andrew Santino?

  What would you do?

• 1:01:18Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 1:01:18Andrew Santino?

  You couldn't, you couldn't.

• 1:01:19Speaker 05

  It's not my name, so it doesn't matter.

• 1:01:21Andrew Santino?

  He can't.

• 1:01:22Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:01:22Andrew Santino?

  You couldn't, but what, you don't like that he's a suburbanite, it bothers you a lot?

• 1:01:25Speaker 06

  Oh, but.

• 1:01:25Speaker 05

  He has a whole life without me, he's, they, me, he's fucking, he's couples and stuff.

• 1:01:29Speaker 06

  Sorry about Ian's basement with you.

• 1:01:31Speaker 05

  It's a good time.

• 1:01:32Speaker 06

  Dude, he gets out of the car and he looks at my neighbor's house, neighbor does well, he's doctor.

• 1:01:36Speaker 05

  Very nice home.

• 1:01:37Speaker 06

  You know, nice, nice, very nice, nice house, nice piece of property, he gets out of the car, I'm like, dude, I'm so.

• 1:01:42Speaker 05

  About the sandbox he lives in.

• 1:01:43Speaker 06

  I'm so, I'm so happy, I'm so, it's a nice house. He gets out and he goes, ah, he was sleeping on the ride down, ninety minute car ride, he fell asleep.

• 1:01:52Speaker 05

  He was drunk.

• 1:01:54Speaker 06

  I'm all fucked up. He gets out, he goes, now that's a nice house, and points at my neighbor's house, and I'm just like, you can't not be a dickhead.

• 1:02:01Speaker 05

  He's got no mulch. I told him I'd get down there and do it, do the beds.

• 1:02:04Speaker 06

  He's got no mulch.

• 1:02:04Speaker 05

  I do the beds.

• 1:02:05Speaker 06

  I got mulch.

• 1:02:06Speaker 05

  I edge like the best of them, to flip the fucking weed whacker the other way.

• 1:02:09Andrew Santino?

  Why don't you go over and take care of his house then, maybe that'll get you an invite extension.

• 1:02:11Speaker 05

  No, you say, I need, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:13Speaker 06

  That's all I tell.

• 1:02:14Andrew Santino?

  Look, if you think, you know, you think this is, this is how it all goes, I mean, Bobby and I have been to each other's houses a very minuscule amount of time.

• 1:02:20Speaker 06

  Well, no, it's like, do we work together five days a week, we're on the tour in the weekend, it's like, the last thing, it's like, it's all, yeah, it's just.

• 1:02:25Andrew Santino?

  I'm not gonna go to your house.

• 1:02:25Speaker 05

  I bought him a pizza oven, a professional pizza oven.

• 1:02:29Andrew Santino?

  What, what is that, does an average pizza oven exist? What does that even mean?

• 1:02:32Speaker 06

  Two hundred and eighteen dollars from fucking Home Depot, that I'm pretty sure, again, I paid for.

• 1:02:36Speaker 05

  It was five hundred.

• 1:02:37Andrew Santino?

  Five hundred, so you paid two fifty. Pretty good deal.

• 1:02:40Speaker 06

  All right, well, I'm a company.

• 1:02:40Speaker 05

  For the show.

• 1:02:42Andrew Santino?

  You bought him a pizza oven, which is a nice gesture when you.

• 1:02:44Speaker 05

  For Christmas.

• 1:02:45Andrew Santino?

  Oh, okay, nice.

• 1:02:46Speaker 05

  And man, we'd go down there, he'd make pizza for us, it would be amazing.

• 1:02:50Andrew Santino?

  Would be.

• 1:02:51Speaker 05

  No, I'm kidding, I never got one fucking slice out of the guy, not a garlic knot, nothing. But these other.

• 1:02:57Speaker 06

  Not even a calzone.

• 1:02:59Andrew Santino?

  Throw me a calzone, dude.

• 1:03:01Speaker 05

  You could've made his garlic nuts, bro. Did he ever make a pie and bring it up to work? No, but these fucking neighbors, they're down there, they, they don't know what to do, he's making them and throwing them away, there's so many pizzas.

• 1:03:10Andrew Santino?

  But you have to understand, he has to ingratiate himself in the neighborhood, otherwise they don't want him around.

• 1:03:14Speaker 05

  Well, bring me down.

• 1:03:16Andrew Santino?

  No, I said ingratiate, not.

• 1:03:17Speaker 06

  Also, you, you know, you're coming off like an eighteen month bender, you haven't been like, oh yeah, let's come around and meet my neighbors.

• 1:03:25Speaker 05

  I don't know what that has to do with it, bringing up old shit.

• 1:03:29Andrew Santino?

  I say this, I say, we do a family dinner.

• 1:03:33Speaker 06

  You and your wife are more than welcome to stop by.

• 1:03:35Andrew Santino?

  We'll stop by.

• 1:03:35Speaker 06

  Do you have, do you have a whole life?

• 1:03:36Speaker 06

  This guy can sleep over and scream and scare everybody, I don't care.

• 1:03:38Andrew Santino?

  He does sleep at my house sometimes, yeah, he does. I let him, I, I let the team sleep at my house sometimes.

• 1:03:43Speaker 05

  Really?

• 1:03:43Andrew Santino?

  They've slept at my mom's house, they all slept at my mother's house in Chicago, we had Thanksgiving, we were on the, we were on the road.

• 1:03:48Speaker 06

  Love that.

• 1:03:49Speaker 05

  Thanksgiving dinner.

• 1:03:50Speaker 06

  It was Thanksgiving dinner.

• 1:03:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we were on the road during Thanksgiving, and we said, well, we might as well go to my mom's house, and my mom, with open arms, invited them all, all over to the house.

• 1:03:56Speaker 05

  How was it, an old school Irish?

• 1:03:59Andrew Santino?

  No, but, you know what's so funny is the.

• 1:04:01Speaker 06

  Lot of potatoes.

• 1:04:01Andrew Santino?

  We don't like, we don't like turkey around my house, I think we talked about this, we're not a big turkey family, we do, we do like a roast, we like red meat.

• 1:04:08Speaker 06

  I don't hate, I.

• 1:04:09Speaker 05

  We do a roast.

• 1:04:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we do a roast, yeah, because I just think like, I don't want a turkey, no one really likes it.

• 1:04:14Speaker 05

  You Northern Irish or, or Irish, Irish?

• 1:04:16Andrew Santino?

  Does it matter?

• 1:04:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:18Andrew Santino?

  And I don't even know.

• 1:04:18Speaker 05

  You're making a roast?

• 1:04:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we like red meat, brother, we can't, uh, we're not playing this game anymore. Turkey, by the way, that has nothing to do with anything, turkey was a big scam from fucking Big Turkey together.

• 1:04:27Speaker 06

  That's all private equity, turkey money.

• 1:04:28Andrew Santino?

  No, dude, it's private equity, that's P E turkey money.

• 1:04:30Speaker 05

  Is it?

• 1:04:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, biggie, it's all bullshit.

• 1:04:33Speaker 05

  But I enjoy turkey.

• 1:04:34Andrew Santino?

  We're, we're, said all these lies, I don't like, I don't like turkey because it has nothing to do with anything, like, oh, the pilgrims gave him the turkey, like, nah.

• 1:04:39Speaker 05

  So what's the story?

• 1:04:41Speaker 02

  I have it.

• 1:04:42Andrew Santino?

  He's got it.

• 1:04:42Speaker 02

  Because large birds were practical, affordable, and able to feed an entire family, popularized in the nineteenth century, because it was like, just cheap.

• 1:04:49Speaker 05

  What's the nineteenth century?

• 1:04:50Speaker 02

  Eighteen hundreds.

• 1:04:51Andrew Santino?

  Brother.

• 1:04:51Speaker 05

  Oh, really?

• 1:04:53Andrew Santino?

  I love that you didn't know that.

• 1:04:54Speaker 05

  Uh-uh, I get confused. The twentieth century, nineteenth century, but then when you say the eighteen hundreds, you're talking about the actual eighteen hundreds.

• 1:05:00Andrew Santino?

  If you say eighteen hundreds, that's the eighteen hundreds, but if I say the nineteenth century, that is the eighteen hundreds.

• 1:05:05Speaker 05

  Which, why would they do that?

• 1:05:06Speaker 06

  Cause there's no, there's no century zero.

• 1:05:07Speaker 05

  Oh, get out of here. How the fuck do we know that?

• 1:05:10Andrew Santino?

  We do.

• 1:05:10Speaker 06

  We, we named it.

• 1:05:11Speaker 05

  No, we don't, they could've done it like that.

• 1:05:13Speaker 06

  But they didn't.

• 1:05:13Speaker 05

  B C A D.

• 1:05:15Speaker 06

  It's B C E now.

• 1:05:17Andrew Santino?

  You gotta go back in time.

• 1:05:17Speaker 05

  What's that all about?

• 1:05:18Speaker 06

  Before common era. They got Christ out of there.

• 1:05:21Andrew Santino?

  See, we're teaching our fans stuff when we do this pod.

• 1:05:22Speaker 05

  It's supposed to be before Christ.

• 1:05:24Speaker 06

  Smart guy.

• 1:05:24Andrew Santino?

  I learned something that's gonna blow your mind, the Wright brothers get all this credit for flying a plane, right? Well, I learned that this is all bullshit. The Wright brothers crashed a ton. Alexander Graham Bell, look this up. Bell was actually the guy that really took real flights across real bodies of water.

• 1:05:39Speaker 06

  Is he a black guy?

• 1:05:40Andrew Santino?

  Alexander Graham Bell?

• 1:05:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:42Andrew Santino?

  He's like your boy, what was your guy's name?

• 1:05:44Speaker 06

  Vinnie with the skinny?

• 1:05:44Andrew Santino?

  No, the, the common.

• 1:05:45Speaker 06

  Mojo Brooks?

• 1:05:46Andrew Santino?

  Mojo Brooks.

• 1:05:46Speaker 05

  Shout out to him.

• 1:05:48Speaker 06

  Shout out, I know you fucking flying. What?

• 1:05:51Speaker 05

  That was good. Did you get that?

• 1:05:54Andrew Santino?

  I know you flying, motherfucker. Alexander Graham Bell apparently invented the, uh, the flaps that you see on the side of a plane to level out wing, wings during turbulent moments. The Wright brothers crashed a ton and they killed Alexander Graham Bell's assistant, I think that was what the story was.

• 1:06:06Speaker 05

  What?

• 1:06:07Speaker 06

  What?

• 1:06:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:08Speaker 06

  Like strong on it? On a flight or killed him like murder?

• 1:06:10Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no, no, on a flight, on a flight.

• 1:06:11Speaker 05

  Oh, not on purpose.

• 1:06:12Andrew Santino?

  He died, uh, during the construction of the flight, yeah, something like.

• 1:06:16Speaker 05

  He was a test pilot.

• 1:06:17Andrew Santino?

  But apparently they crashed all the time.

• 1:06:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, you have to.

• 1:06:19Andrew Santino?

  The Wright brothers, but no, no, but.

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, they.

• 1:06:21Andrew Santino?

  Say it.

• 1:06:22Speaker 02

  It said, um, yeah, Orville Wright was piloting the tragic nineteen oh eight plane crash that resulted in the death of Lieutenant Thomas Selfridge.

• 1:06:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he killed him.

• 1:06:31Speaker 06

  Selfridge?

• 1:06:32Andrew Santino?

  Did you see Alexander, Alexander Graham Bell in there?

• 1:06:35Speaker 02

  It says, well, I looked it up, did they kill his assistant? Said, no, it didn't, they didn't kill his assistant, but, I mean, we'll see what this is.

• 1:06:40Andrew Santino?

  They got in an accident with him on the plane.

• 1:06:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:42Speaker 05

  That was no accident.

• 1:06:43Speaker 06

  Who's, who's the, uh, African American inventor I'm thinking of, the guy that made the peanut?

• 1:06:47Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:06:47Speaker 05

  No, George Washington Carver.

• 1:06:49Speaker 06

  Carver.

• 1:06:50Andrew Santino?

  George Washington Carver, had to put the Washington in there, it's probably just George Carver, he's like, you know what?

• 1:06:53Speaker 05

  No, George Washington Carver.

• 1:06:54Andrew Santino?

  Spiced it up with Washington a little bit. Yeah, he invented the peanut, peanut butter.

• 1:06:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:06:59Speaker 06

  I, I think that got recently bombed.

• 1:07:00Speaker 05

  Played for the Bullets.

• 1:07:01Andrew Santino?

  Played for the Bullets, did he?

• 1:07:02Speaker 05

  Nothing on it, no.

• 1:07:02Andrew Santino?

  Washington, what a team, what a squad, why did we get rid of that name? The Bullets was the greatest team name in sports history.

• 1:07:06Speaker 05

  The best, best jerseys.

• 1:07:07Speaker 06

  I heard they moved to Detroit, huh? Okay, cut that?

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  I was like, let him have it, let him have it.

• 1:07:14Speaker 06

  I was supposed to be bad, it's meta.

• 1:07:17Speaker 02

  It's, it is, it is true.

• 1:07:19Speaker 05

  That's why I bombed.

• 1:07:19Speaker 02

  Very good. No, no, that's not why you bombed.

• 1:07:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:22Speaker 02

  Your bombs are not deliberate.

• 1:07:23Speaker 06

  When was the last time you took a real fucking hot one? Even at the store, working on stuff?

• 1:07:27Andrew Santino?

  Every corporate gig I've ever done, we just did a corporate gig, I just, I, I had a comic, Joey Serrano, I talked about before, Joey and I went up to do a corporate gig at the Reagan Library at one P M.

• 1:07:36Speaker 05

  Who, the Reagan Library?

• 1:07:37Andrew Santino?

  Biggest bag of dicks you've ever had in your entire life, it was remarkable.

• 1:07:40Speaker 05

  Nice chat though, huh?

• 1:07:41Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't matter, man, yeah, yeah, it was a good chat, but, no, no, but I'm just saying, like, it's, it's, it doesn't, it wasn't stand up, you're like, what is he, what did you guys even want me for?

• 1:07:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, when's the last time you, have you had one at the store or whatever, popping around doing a set where you're like, that just really for, it could've been late, and you're like, I popped in, it could've been like a, and you're like, that just didn't get off the ground.

• 1:07:55Andrew Santino?

  Last time I had a little, a little stinker was, uh, I was back in New York and I was doing a, the seller run where you're like, V U, uh, fat black.

• 1:08:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're at the bar or the lounge, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:04Speaker 05

  It's the best.

• 1:08:05Andrew Santino?

  I had a late night at the, at the, um, at the bar, and it was no bueno.

• 1:08:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, those rooms, the, the.

• 1:08:11Andrew Santino?

  Tough room sometime in the, in the late at night.

• 1:08:12Speaker 06

  The bar and the lounge, for sure.

• 1:08:13Andrew Santino?

  Well, they got through fifteen comics.

• 1:08:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:15Andrew Santino?

  And then, so then you go up and you're like, hey, what's going on? You're the dead last one or second last.

• 1:08:19Speaker 06

  You're like, bring something up, like, yeah, we talked about this ten times.

• 1:08:22Andrew Santino?

  He already said that, the other guy, and you're like, eh, fuck it.

• 1:08:24Speaker 05

  Bar's my favorite room.

• 1:08:25Speaker 06

  I do love the bar, I like, I like the bar.

• 1:08:27Speaker 05

  McDougal Street.

• 1:08:28Andrew Santino?

  McDougal's the best.

• 1:08:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, that's.

• 1:08:30Speaker 05

  It's like holding the, like Thor's hammer in your hand sometimes.

• 1:08:32Andrew Santino?

  McDougal's the best, it's the best, it's still.

• 1:08:34Speaker 06

  I don't know why it works, it does though.

• 1:08:36Andrew Santino?

  Because.

• 1:08:36Speaker 06

  It's like, it's one, it's two rows deep.

• 1:08:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:40Speaker 06

  There's a big mirror, you can see yourself, it's like.

• 1:08:42Speaker 05

  I like that.

• 1:08:42Speaker 06

  I know, I do, it's just, it's unlike any other room.

• 1:08:45Andrew Santino?

  I feel like, uh, we're basement people, we come from basement world, I feel like it's, you're in, you're in somebody's basement with a bunch of your friends and you're, and you're causing trouble.

• 1:08:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's a good way to put it.

• 1:08:54Andrew Santino?

  Mom's upstairs and you, and you're in on a little dirty little secret with you, like you're telling a nasty little joke, and then the other rooms, when they get bigger, they just kinda lose that like tight knit, quiet, ooh, we're, we're up to no fucking good.

• 1:09:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:09:05Andrew Santino?

  And I love that they're steeped in the dark in there, the V U is a little bit brighter and bigger, so it's just kinda like.

• 1:09:09Speaker 06

  Like a showcase, yeah.

• 1:09:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a showcase room, so I think the, the thing that makes comedy sexy was the old school, deep, dark, uh, you know, low ceiling, like we're in this together, that's what I think I like about it, like even when people, I, I imagine when fans sit down in there, even they're like.

• 1:09:22Speaker 06

  They're, they're buzzed, cause they're like, this is fuck, it's right there, like I can touch the guy.

• 1:09:27Andrew Santino?

  The bar and the lounge feel like workout rooms, they're.

• 1:09:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:29Andrew Santino?

  They're more like.

• 1:09:30Speaker 06

  Which I like, for, for that reason.

• 1:09:31Andrew Santino?

  Comedy rooms.

• 1:09:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:32Andrew Santino?

  But that one feels like we're in, we're getting in trouble in someone's basement, we're about to do something we're not supposed to do, and you better not tell someone at school tomorrow.

• 1:09:38Speaker 06

  I lo, I love that room.

• 1:09:39Speaker 05

  They touch each other's wieners.

• 1:09:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, that we don't do, that we don't do, and we talked about that, last time you slept over, you got kicked out, remember?

• 1:09:46Speaker 05

  That's where he gets his night's terror, his night terror.

• 1:09:47Andrew Santino?

  That's where he has night terror. Well, that's why when we had, when we had sleepovers with buddies, if it was a couple of guys, always you couldn't go to sleep because someone would fuck with you. The moment that you went to sleep, you were getting balls or an asshole on your face. You're getting farted on, you, or, you know, or if you're really cruel, you'd get blanket over the head or pillow over the head. See if you could survive.

• 1:10:05Speaker 05

  I have bad memories of most sleepovers because I had an undiagnosed anxiety when I was a kid and I was always the last one to go to sleep and the first one to be up and it sucked.

• 1:10:13Andrew Santino?

  That sucks.

• 1:10:14Speaker 06

  Oh, it sucked.

• 1:10:14Speaker 06

  Like the dad, dude. Yeah, you wake up there, you're drinking coffee.

• 1:10:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, sometimes so with them, we talked about that, yeah.

• 1:10:20Andrew Santino?

  That's like the first time I smoked pot in my buddy's, my, buddy's mom's basement. We got caught smoking pot in the basement, of course we did. You know, we were blowing up the vent in the bathroom, we thought that was gonna get out, you know? And she, the next day, she got donuts for us for breakfast, almost as a, I caught you, I'm gonna tell, but have the donuts. And then go home to your parents, who I've already spoken to. Like, we were in trouble.

• 1:10:40Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 1:10:41Andrew Santino?

  But it was like a nice send off.

• 1:10:42Speaker 06

  That's, that's Dog the Bounty Hunter giving you a cigarette before he locks you up.

• 1:10:44Andrew Santino?

  That's giving me a smoke before I go away.

• 1:10:46Speaker 05

  I like Dog the Bounty Hunter.

• 1:10:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, she did.

• 1:10:48Speaker 05

  Whoa, that is.

• 1:10:49Andrew Santino?

  She was great, she knew what we were up to, no good, but her and I, her, her son, for years, we did drugs together, so it's not like a did me thing.

• 1:10:55Speaker 05

  That's fucking cool as shit.

• 1:10:57Speaker 06

  First time I smoked weed, it reminds me, the, I went to a sleepover at this kid's house, I'd met him, we're in seventh grade, had just met him, like, we came from different elementary schools.

• 1:11:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, whatever, he sounds like a loser.

• 1:11:08Speaker 06

  Didn't even make me any pizza. And he's like, yeah, we, you know, whatever, we bought a twenty-five dollar eighth or something like that, and, yeah, real fucking.

• 1:11:17Andrew Santino?

  Big spender.

• 1:11:18Speaker 06

  Had the plug, you know what I mean? And, uh, he goes, come over, I've smoked weed all the time, we can sneak out of my house, it's easy, so I go over. I'm running into dude, and, I know the joke, we're in his basement, and his parents literally come down and they go, hey, nine o'clock, lights out. And literally, they physically turned the lights off, and we're sitting in the dark, and I'm like.

• 1:11:38Speaker 05

  High as shit?

• 1:11:39Speaker 06

  No, we hadn't even, I go, how the fuck are we supposed to smell, like, there's like a ward in here? Like, it's not like, it's like, you're like, loosey goosey, fucking, they're drunk and we can sneak out, he goes, it's fine, we had a whisper, he goes, it's fine.

• 1:11:51Andrew Santino?

  He starts holding your hand.

• 1:11:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, but we had to wait till the morning, we went out when it got light out, he's like, cause like, we kept hearing the parents and shit.

• 1:11:57Andrew Santino?

  And a pop can, an apple, how'd you do it?

• 1:11:59Speaker 06

  I think like a tinner, like, out of just like tinfoil, I think.

• 1:12:02Speaker 05

  A tinner?

• 1:12:03Andrew Santino?

  Pop cans.

• 1:12:04Speaker 05

  That's what you called it?

• 1:12:05Speaker 06

  I think that's what we called it, a tinner, smoke a tinner?

• 1:12:08Speaker 05

  What do you guys, from eighteenth century England?

• 1:12:10Speaker 06

  What did you call it?

• 1:12:11Speaker 05

  Tinfoil bowl, or a soda can.

• 1:12:13Speaker 06

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 1:12:14Andrew Santino?

  Pop can, yeah, pop can, we, yeah, smoosh a pop can and poke some holes in that thing.

• 1:12:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, they're two different things, tinner, yeah, smoke a tinner, use it for the cap, make a.

• 1:12:21Andrew Santino?

  Imagine how silly that was, we're just burning aluminum and huffing it.

• 1:12:25Speaker 06

  Everybody would say you get arthritis in your, like, gives you arthritis.

• 1:12:28Speaker 05

  Alzheimer's it gives you.

• 1:12:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:12:30Speaker 05

  Which sometimes.

• 1:12:31Andrew Santino?

  Life's gonna give you that anyway.

• 1:12:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, sometimes I, I don't use water in my CPAP machine, and I forget to turn the heater off, so it just heats up this metal plate inside.

• 1:12:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's good.

• 1:12:39Speaker 05

  I don't think so.

• 1:12:42Speaker 06

  Earnestly, I don't think it is.

• 1:12:44Speaker 05

  Bad, and then I realized I could turn it off, so I started doing that, cause I don't like the water in it.

• 1:12:49Andrew Santino?

  Now, how much sleep apparatus do you have? Do you sleep with like a, do you also have like a heating pad, or, do you have many things?

• 1:12:56Andrew Santino?

  Well, I don't know, man, you might have a backpack.

• 1:12:57Speaker 05

  No, I go, I go pillow between my legs, pillow behind me, I cuddle a pillow, and I have my CPAP on, and then I put Seinfeld on, on my phone, and go to sleep.

• 1:13:05Speaker 06

  Do you lay there like that?

• 1:13:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:06Andrew Santino?

  What's the deal with pillows? What's the deal with CPAP?

• 1:13:09Speaker 05

  It used to be Empire Strikes Back, it was what I, I would always start.

• 1:13:12Andrew Santino?

  That's your, to, to go to sleep?

• 1:13:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:14Andrew Santino?

  What do you do to go to sleep?

• 1:13:15Speaker 06

  Oh, usually a pod of some kind.

• 1:13:17Speaker 05

  About a fifth of Jameson.

• 1:13:17Speaker 06

  I like, uh, yeah, a couple of cocktails, uh, yeah, usually like a pod, probably, cause I need, I need something, otherwise my brain starts going to fucking Badlands. So, uh, I'll just throw like a pod on, yeah, and I'll like, a couple of minutes and I'm out.

• 1:13:32Andrew Santino?

  That's, you put a, a pod and the headphones?

• 1:13:34Speaker 06

  Uh, it depends if the baby's around.

• 1:13:36Speaker 05

  Headphones?

• 1:13:37Speaker 06

  No, the wife and the wife are in separate rooms.

• 1:13:39Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's right.

• 1:13:40Speaker 05

  Is that a punishing thing? Mark Zuckerberg, phone him, see if you have your headphones on, that's nuts.

• 1:13:44Speaker 06

  No, we love it. It's great.

• 1:13:46Andrew Santino?

  Who made the first call, who said, you know, maybe?

• 1:13:47Speaker 06

  I did, because I get, I would snore and she'd be like, she'd be like shaking me and I go, well, this sucks. I'm not gonna, now I'm like anxious snoring.

• 1:13:55Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:13:55Speaker 06

  Uh, and then, um, I went.

• 1:13:58Andrew Santino?

  Separate rooms?

• 1:13:59Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:13:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:00Speaker 05

  I need to feel someone's, someone else's body there.

• 1:14:03Speaker 06

  But do we get such better night's sleep? Ian, the rats and spiders.

• 1:14:06Andrew Santino?

  But, so you don't, so you have to have a pod on to fall asleep to?

• 1:14:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, like, especially in a hotel.

• 1:14:11Andrew Santino?

  What's pod of choice? We talking like science pods, or like?

• 1:14:14Speaker 06

  No, if anything, I'll, I'll do, the only ones I, the only one I really listen to, uh, anymore, and it's really only when I.

• 1:14:20Andrew Santino?

  Whiskey, ginger, and bad friends.

• 1:14:21Speaker 06

  Whiskey, ginger, obviously, you got, no, honestly.

• 1:14:23Andrew Santino?

  No, what do you listen to?

• 1:14:24Speaker 06

  Uh, it'll be like Tuesdays with stories.

• 1:14:26Andrew Santino?

  Oh, with those guys?

• 1:14:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, with Mark and, uh, with Mark and Joe. That was the pod we listened to. God, he should be asleep by now.

• 1:14:33Speaker 05

  Holy shit, you've never heard me do that? Wait, do that again!

• 1:14:36Andrew Santino?

  I do it all the time.

• 1:14:36Speaker 06

  Maybe Foley. Careful, the couch might be in pain.

• 1:14:41Speaker 05

  It's like he's in the room!

• 1:14:43Andrew Santino?

  I couldn't go to sleep to that, that, that would kill me.

• 1:14:46Speaker 06

  Hey, we just got back out of town.

• 1:14:49Speaker 05

  That's fucking awesome!

• 1:14:50Andrew Santino?

  I wouldn't be able to fucking listen to that.

• 1:14:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, I can't do the voice.

• 1:14:53Andrew Santino?

  It would kill me, that would kill me.

• 1:14:54Speaker 05

  That's the pod we used to listen to when we were like open mic'ers in New York.

• 1:14:57Speaker 06

  Well, that's like, there's like a thing where. We, there was, there was something, we tell them that all the time, like, there was something so cool of like, they were, you know, obviously, a few classes ahead of us, as we're like, open mic'ers, or like, we're like, barking out in front of the fucking Village Lantern. And they'd be like, oh, they're doing this spot there, and then they got open in there.

• 1:15:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, running around, doing cabin, he's opening up for Schumer, da, da, da.

• 1:15:18Speaker 06

  We were like, oh, we wanna put ourselves in a position to be like, where those guys are, like, in the next five years.

• 1:15:23Speaker 05

  I used to sit there at my little desk and I would eat dollar hamburgers from, from Burger King and listen to their pod on like a Saturday, Saturday evening.

• 1:15:30Andrew Santino?

  You know, I used to do that, that's so funny, man, that was my run, Burger King was always my run.

• 1:15:33Speaker 05

  Fuck, yeah.

• 1:15:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'd get the dollar cheeseburgers, and when I would do like a run of shows, when I was running around, I would always get that, cause it's the cheapest, easiest thing, you get a bunch of them and keep it moving. Burger King, shout out to them for doing that, dollar cheese, there's not around anymore, they're not a dollar man.

• 1:15:48Andrew Santino?

  Are they?

• 1:15:48Speaker 06

  No, he's got a big, uh, he's been pushing, he's, he's, he's got a big Burger King, he's a big Burger King guy.

• 1:15:56Andrew Santino?

  What, he got a campaign with Burger King?

• 1:15:57Speaker 05

  No, I, can I tell him?

• 1:16:00Speaker 06

  Please. It was mostly you just telling me all the time.

• 1:16:03Speaker 05

  Our country, America.

• 1:16:06Andrew Santino?

  Greatest.

• 1:16:07Speaker 05

  Is at its coolest when Burger King and Pepsi-Cola are number one, and you could trace that back through time. That's when we're at our coolest.

• 1:16:17Andrew Santino?

  What are you talking about, our coolest?

• 1:16:18Speaker 05

  Coolest.

• 1:16:19Speaker 06

  Also, everybody just agrees with it, and he's the only one to go, wait, what are you talking about?

• 1:16:22Andrew Santino?

  What does that even mean?

• 1:16:23Speaker 06

  And I kinda, now, now I'm starting to see the holes in the theory.

• 1:16:26Andrew Santino?

  You're saying, it, when Pepsi-Cola is number one market share?

• 1:16:29Speaker 05

  No, I don't know about market share, but when it's pop, when it's, when it's popular, when Pepsi's in, when Pepsi's in.

• 1:16:34Andrew Santino?

  Is Pepsi in now?

• 1:16:36Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:16:36Speaker 06

  Burger King's coming back, though, no?

• 1:16:38Speaker 05

  No, they're not.

• 1:16:39Andrew Santino?

  So you think, okay, give me a timeframe.

• 1:16:41Speaker 05

  Burger King won't come back until, until there's not one.

• 1:16:44Andrew Santino?

  The fall of Rome.

• 1:16:45Speaker 06

  When was the dot com era?

• 1:16:47Speaker 05

  Not one fucking jalapeno, fried jalapeno, fucking fried onion, uh, Texas Whopper bullshit. You gotta get rid of all that and they gotta change their pickles, cause you bite their pickles and everything comes out, the whole thing, like a drawer, it all comes out.

• 1:17:02Andrew Santino?

  This is why I'm not a fan of the tomato on a cheeseburger, tomato has no room on a cheeseburger.

• 1:17:06Speaker 05

  I really understand.

• 1:17:07Andrew Santino?

  Sloppy, sweat, get out of here.

• 1:17:08Speaker 05

  Could be done right.

• 1:17:09Andrew Santino?

  Can, yeah, you gotta have a real good, fresh tomato, you're not gonna get that.

• 1:17:11Speaker 05

  You know who seldom does that? McDonald's, always number one, you're only gonna find a tomato.

• 1:17:17Speaker 06

  Tomato?

• 1:17:19Andrew Santino?

  Tomato.

• 1:17:21Andrew Santino?

  I only get the Big Mac anyway from McDonald's, so I'm not interested in, they don't have tomato on there, it's brilliant.

• 1:17:25Speaker 05

  It's a superior product.

• 1:17:26Andrew Santino?

  The Big Mac is, is, will, will continue to be the number one fast food burger in the world, it's gotta be the most sold.

• 1:17:32Speaker 06

  The revamped Quarter Pounder with Cheese is very good.

• 1:17:35Speaker 05

  Oh, you ain't lying, sister, with the different kinda onions, let's go.

• 1:17:38Andrew Santino?

  QP cheese is very good, there's no doubt about that.

• 1:17:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:17:41Andrew Santino?

  Okay, so give me the lineup then.

• 1:17:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:17:43Andrew Santino?

  Best burger, best fries, best, best, uh.

• 1:17:45Speaker 05

  McDonald's fries is not even touching it.

• 1:17:49Andrew Santino?

  So what burger would you have, you'd have a Burger King burger with McDonald's fries and a drink from where?

• 1:17:53Speaker 05

  Well, this is, this might be a niche thing, but, uh, McDonald's does a.

• 1:17:57Speaker 06

  About to go, subterranean.

• 1:17:59Speaker 05

  McDonald's does a daily double, which is two patties.

• 1:18:03Speaker 06

  Ding ding ding, you're a fatty.

• 1:18:07Speaker 05

  How much did you wager?

• 1:18:09Speaker 06

  Four hundred pounds.

• 1:18:10Speaker 05

  Show me Foley!

• 1:18:13Speaker 06

  Fuck!

• 1:18:16Speaker 05

  They do a daily double, which is just mayonnaise, lettuce, tomato, no pickles, two burger patties and one slice of cheese. That was a part of my rotation when I was in, uh.

• 1:18:30Andrew Santino?

  In the throes of your.

• 1:18:31Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:18:32Andrew Santino?

  Fast food?

• 1:18:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, it was part of the cycle.

• 1:18:33Andrew Santino?

  But you're not eating fast food anymore, he told me that you're off the fast food.

• 1:18:36Speaker 05

  No, I have it every once in a while.

• 1:18:37Andrew Santino?

  He didn't tell me.

• 1:18:38Speaker 06

  Exactly, we're talking.

• 1:18:39Speaker 05

  Thank you for the vote of confidence. No, but, that, listen, you know what I'm talking about.

• 1:18:44Andrew Santino?

  I do.

• 1:18:45Speaker 05

  You do know what I'm talking about.

• 1:18:46Andrew Santino?

  I understand what you're trying to pitch to me, I'm fighting it because I don't even understand, give, give me the time period that last Pepsi and Burger King were high and it was the coolest time.

• 1:18:51Speaker 06

  I think it's more of a feeling, I don't think he's got numbers on it.

• 1:18:54Andrew Santino?

  It's in your gut.

• 1:18:54Speaker 05

  It's like the summer of ninety-three, when Burger Buddies were big, when Wild Cherry Pepsi got popular.

• 1:19:00Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:19:00Speaker 05

  Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi, Pepsi and Burger King.

• 1:19:03Andrew Santino?

  Pepsi had a revolution.

• 1:19:04Speaker 05

  It did, it's the choice of a new generation!

• 1:19:06Andrew Santino?

  Burger King had a hiccup with the crown and the guy in the airplane, that really kinda set him back a little bit.

• 1:19:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, he didn't do a lot of favors.

• 1:19:12Andrew Santino?

  Funny, they still sell those crowns, they still have those crowns, you'd think they'd get rid of them for a little while.

• 1:19:15Speaker 06

  There's one at LAX, every time I get on a flight, I see some, an adult man with the Burger King crown.

• 1:19:19Andrew Santino?

  With a crown on, I know, waiting for him to say it?

• 1:19:21Speaker 05

  That's a problem.

• 1:19:22Andrew Santino?

  Just get your phone on when you see a guy with a crown on.

• 1:19:24Speaker 05

  We saw this guy on the plane yesterday, young kid, I mean, probably in his twenties, looked like a kid that he wanted to smash his face in, he was wearing a captain's hat on backwards, like ironically. You know, like the boat captain hat?

• 1:19:36Andrew Santino?

  Like, yeah, like an old, like a, like from Caddyshack, what he, what he wore, yeah, like that, with the anchor on it?

• 1:19:42Speaker 05

  Fucking Danny Doucet.

• 1:19:42Speaker 06

  Like Johnny Cool guy, and you know.

• 1:19:44Andrew Santino?

  And he wore it backwards.

• 1:19:45Speaker 06

  Backwards.

• 1:19:46Andrew Santino?

  Young guy.

• 1:19:46Speaker 06

  On a flight, on a fucking, a transcontinental flight.

• 1:19:49Speaker 05

  He was in Delta One, probably a rich kid.

• 1:19:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, obviously, I, I heard a phone call he was having, he was like, yeah, why don't the three of us loop up together, sync up together and hop on a call?

• 1:19:58Andrew Santino?

  They use words like circle back.

• 1:19:59Speaker 06

  Yeah. And you know what that, bump that up, and what, you know what that is?

• 1:20:03Andrew Santino?

  That's private equity, my dog.

• 1:20:04Speaker 06

  That's all PE talk.

• 1:20:05Andrew Santino?

  That's all PE talk, you should've gotten in good with that guy.

• 1:20:07Speaker 05

  These kids are cooked.

• 1:20:07Andrew Santino?

  That hat is actually.

• 1:20:08Speaker 05

  No, I don't want his fucking.

• 1:20:09Andrew Santino?

  That hat's a signature of private equity, they hand that to you when you get involved with PE.

• 1:20:12Speaker 06

  He's private equity.

• 1:20:15Andrew Santino?

  Ah, see, that's good.

• 1:20:16Speaker 05

  That was alright.

• 1:20:17Speaker 06

  Comedy!

• 1:20:18Andrew Santino?

  Replace that, replace the bullets joke with that one, if we can swat that out.

• 1:20:20Speaker 06

  Whoa, hey, that bullets joke was supposed to be meta, okay?

• 1:20:23Speaker 05

  Do Mark Norma's voice and I'm back in.

• 1:20:25Andrew Santino?

  Do it, can you do it?

• 1:20:26Speaker 05

  Kippy.

• 1:20:26Speaker 06

  Comedy!

• 1:20:27Speaker 05

  Alright, I'm back in. Santino, you're out, I'm back with the kid.

• 1:20:31Speaker 06

  Hey, comedy. Yep.

• 1:20:33Speaker 05

  That's really good.

• 1:20:34Speaker 06

  Alright.

• 1:20:34Speaker 05

  That's really good.

• 1:20:36Andrew Santino?

  His points are always, that's, that was, that first got me, when I first, what, when I, when I see him do the point thing.

• 1:20:41Speaker 06

  Hey!

• 1:20:42Andrew Santino?

  Like, when he would do, when he would do the news, if he would jump on the news.

• 1:20:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't know, a little gay, a little hungover.

• 1:20:47Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:20:49Speaker 05

  Two crocodiles on D.

• 1:20:52Andrew Santino?

  I'd have to hear him again. Crikey.

• 1:20:54Speaker 05

  Paul Hogan?

• 1:20:55Andrew Santino?

  Yep, I'd have to hear him again.

• 1:20:56Speaker 02

  Called out a knife?

• 1:20:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, has he pulled out a knife?

• 1:20:58Speaker 05

  That wasn't bad.

• 1:20:59Speaker 06

  Are you a comedian?

• 1:21:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:21:00Andrew Santino?

  He wishes.

• 1:21:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:21:01Andrew Santino?

  No, he does not wish at all. He does not. He's the opposite side. He's making art. He's an artiste. He's a little art school kid, you know?

• 1:21:07Speaker 05

  Really? You go to art school? Where'd you go? Pratt, FIT?

• 1:21:10Speaker 02

  I went to Columbia, Chicago.

• 1:21:12Andrew Santino?

  The other Columbia. It's a film school.

• 1:21:14Speaker 02

  It's not the real Ivy.

• 1:21:16Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 1:21:17Andrew Santino?

  Who needs Ivy school?

• 1:21:18Speaker 02

  Who needs Ivy?

• 1:21:18Andrew Santino?

  Who needs Ivy League?

• 1:21:20Speaker 05

  Is it owned by the co-company?

• 1:21:21Speaker 06

  We got an Ivy League that cuts, that works for us.

• 1:21:23Speaker 05

  Is it associated with Columbia?

• 1:21:24Andrew Santino?

  Who does he do for you?

• 1:21:25Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:21:25Andrew Santino?

  No, they have nothing to do with each other.

• 1:21:26Speaker 02

  A lot of things, a lot of things are named Columbia because of Columbus.

• 1:21:29Andrew Santino?

  Ah.

• 1:21:30Speaker 05

  Really? Is that why Columbia is called Columbia?

• 1:21:32Andrew Santino?

  I don't think so, but let him say that.

• 1:21:34Speaker 02

  Probably.

• 1:21:34Andrew Santino?

  What is, what, wait, who does Ivy League?

• 1:21:35Speaker 06

  Mark the Shark.

• 1:21:37Andrew Santino?

  That kid went to what?

• 1:21:37Speaker 06

  No, that's, he's, that's, that's new guy Luke.

• 1:21:39Speaker 05

  He went to Penn State.

• 1:21:40Speaker 06

  He went to Penn State. Mark the Shark.

• 1:21:42Speaker 05

  But he's a rich kid and a sharp kid.

• 1:21:44Speaker 06

  Mark the Shark worked, uh, went to Cornell.

• 1:21:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, we got a guy from Cornell working there. His real name's not Mark the Shark either. It's Ryan.

• 1:21:50Andrew Santino?

  Many places.

• 1:21:51Speaker 05

  We already have a Ryan that works in the office.

• 1:21:52Andrew Santino?

  But Mark the Shark went to Cornell and then he works for you guys.

• 1:21:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's pretty cool, right?

• 1:21:54Speaker 05

  Does very well.

• 1:21:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Cornell, get that money back, man. What did he go to school for?

• 1:21:59Speaker 05

  Economics or something like that.

• 1:22:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 1:22:01Speaker 05

  Or maybe, uh...

• 1:22:02Speaker 06

  Private equity.

• 1:22:03Speaker 05

  Or communications?

• 1:22:04Speaker 06

  I don't know, I'm pretty sure these...

• 1:22:06Speaker 05

  Accounting. You went to school for accounting?

• 1:22:07Speaker 06

  No, he didn't.

• 1:22:08Andrew Santino?

  And what does he do for you guys?

• 1:22:09Speaker 05

  He's an editor.

• 1:22:10Speaker 06

  Editor, producer kind of guy.

• 1:22:11Andrew Santino?

  This is the world we're living in now.

• 1:22:12Speaker 06

  It's crazy.

• 1:22:13Speaker 05

  He's great. Shout out to Mark the Shark. What's up, buddy?

• 1:22:15Speaker 06

  Shout out to the Shark.

• 1:22:16Andrew Santino?

  So happy I went to state school.

• 1:22:16Speaker 05

  He just got engaged. He's getting married.

• 1:22:18Andrew Santino?

  You guys gonna be there?

• 1:22:19Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 1:22:20Speaker 06

  I think so.

• 1:22:20Speaker 05

  We got invited to the little engagement thing.

• 1:22:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, we couldn't go.

• 1:22:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:22:23Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you didn't go?

• 1:22:24Speaker 06

  We couldn't, yeah.

• 1:22:24Andrew Santino?

  You probably will not get invited to the big show then.

• 1:22:26Speaker 06

  Nah, yeah.

• 1:22:27Andrew Santino?

  You gotta show up for batting practice.

• 1:22:28Speaker 05

  I wasn't in a position to be going to...

• 1:22:30Speaker 06

  Or giving anybody a gift.

• 1:22:31Speaker 05

  Whoa!

• 1:22:32Speaker 06

  Pierre Robert!

• 1:22:33Speaker 05

  Konnichiwa! Hey!

• 1:22:35Speaker 06

  Hey, buddy?

• 1:22:36Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing?

• 1:22:36Speaker 05

  Loved you in tires, by the way. Oh, my God!

• 1:22:40Speaker 06

  Don't stop with me, buddy!

• 1:22:41Speaker 05

  Shut the door. Get out of here with this guy.

• 1:22:46Speaker 06

  I knew I knew you from somewhere.

• 1:22:48Andrew Santino?

  You're good today.

• 1:22:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah?

• 1:22:56Speaker 06

  Is that what that translates to?

• 1:22:58Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:22:58Andrew Santino?

  That's the kind of stuff that gets you 30 years in the biz.

• 1:23:01Speaker 05

  Bobby Lee, ladies and gentlemen.

• 1:23:02Andrew Santino?

  Bobby Lee, Bobby Lee just popped into the show. All right, we gotta, we gotta wrap soon, so we can go make fun of that little fucking idiot loser.

• 1:23:09Speaker 06

  Can we plug our special?

• 1:23:10Andrew Santino?

  Plug the fuck out of it.

• 1:23:11Speaker 06

  Uh, we got our special on our YouTube, what?

• 1:23:13Speaker 05

  Very business savvy.

• 1:23:14Andrew Santino?

  No, but it's very smart.

• 1:23:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, you gotta. You fucking, you flew a guy out here, fucking Delta One. I gotta plug this special.

• 1:23:19Andrew Santino?

  We gotta plug this special.

• 1:23:19Speaker 06

  It's on YouTube. We're taking, we're fucking taking a fan out of it.

• 1:23:22Andrew Santino?

  You know what? I'll plug it at the top of the show, too.

• 1:23:24Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:23:24Andrew Santino?

  Just so we make sure we book it.

• 1:23:25Speaker 05

  You should have done the old school thing, be like, "You're plugging up private equity. I'm here to plug a special."

• 1:23:29Speaker 06

  Who does that?

• 1:23:30Speaker 05

  An old schoolers.

• 1:23:31Speaker 06

  Oh, Horizers, what you're talking about? I tell you, we had him on even.

• 1:23:35Speaker 05

  Not a fan.

• 1:23:35Speaker 06

  Fucking hated us.

• 1:23:36Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 1:23:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:23:37Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 1:23:38Speaker 06

  I'm here to, I'm here to plug a movie, guys.

• 1:23:40Andrew Santino?

  We've had some people on the show that really wanted to get off the show, didn't we?

• 1:23:43Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:23:43Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, we had a couple right now that...

• 1:23:45Speaker 05

  Not us, baby. I'd move in here.

• 1:23:47Andrew Santino?

  We had a couple, we had a guy that literally goes, uh, "How long do we do this for?" It was like 36 minutes. "Are we about done?" And I was like...

• 1:23:52Speaker 05

  What the fuck?

• 1:23:53Speaker 06

  Did you release it?

• 1:23:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, fuck, yeah, it's out there.

• 1:23:55Speaker 05

  I would move in here tonight.

• 1:23:56Speaker 06

  We're, we're, we're, we're getting a little...

• 1:23:58Speaker 05

  Please!

• 1:23:58Speaker 06

  We're getting a little, we, you know, obviously, we, this is, we're in our, the sixth year of the show. Uh, it's been a while. Uh, the special American garbage on, uh, our YouTube channel. It's, uh, all AYG, the live show, the live portion of our live show.

• 1:24:11Speaker 05

  From the side split is in Tampa?

• 1:24:12Speaker 06

  Yes. Uh, it's very good. The, the audience asks their garbage questions and we shit on them, have a good time. It's, you know, they share their stories. It's a, it's a good time.

• 1:24:19Speaker 05

  It's great.

• 1:24:20Andrew Santino?

  American garbage is on the YouTube channel. It's on their channel. We'll, we'll link it down in the description down below. Please watch it. Go see the boys. They're two of the greatest, uh, comedians, podcasters, and, uh, family men and basement dwellers that we've ever seen in our entire life.

• 1:24:33Speaker 06

  And neighbors.

• 1:24:34Andrew Santino?

  And neighbors. They're good neighbors. They're nay buzz, nay buzz, with an A. Guys, look into that camera right there at, at your leisure, one, one after the other. Say one word or one phrase to end the episode.

• 1:24:44Speaker 06

  I know you lying.

• 1:24:46Speaker 05

  Private equity.

• 1:24:47Speaker 02

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• 1:25:10Speaker 03

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• 1:25:49Speaker 05

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:25:55Speaker 02

  Who are that creature in the ginger beard? Sturdy and ginger.

• 1:25:58Speaker 00

  Like peppers, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a beauty. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh, hell no. The whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.