Colum Tyrrell Has Some Interesting Dinner Plans | Whiskey Ginger

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series. Andrew Santino sits down with Irish comedian Colum Tyrrell for a conversation about stand-up, the insanity of the New York comedy scene, life on the road, and what happens when two comedians with absolutely no interest in behaving themselves get together. Originally from Ireland, Colum has made a name for himself in New York comedy with his fearless stand-up, sharp wit, and willingness to say just about anything. A regular at the legendary Comedy Cellar, he's appeared on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Legion of Skanks, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, and Are You Garbage? Colum also appeared in Ari Shaffir's The End, the 2026 revival of his legendary comedy storytelling series, alongside some of the biggest names in stand-up. Check out Colum's 30-minute stand-up special, 30 Minutes With Colum Tyrrell, available on YouTube, and keep an eye out for his upcoming full-hour special. Watch 30 Minutes With Colum Tyrrell: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Zvnzgu-2TQ Check out Colum's upcoming tour dates and more: https://columtyrrell.com Follow Colum Tyrrell: https://www.instagram.com/columtyrrell Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #ColumTyrrell #StandUpComedy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Need fast hydration for the summer heat? Hydrate your wins with the new Liquid IV Sugar-Free Ring Pop Cherry. It's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving. Reimagined as a zero-sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're spending the day in the heat, recovering after a workout, or just looking for an easy afternoon pick-me-up, Liquid IV makes hydration simple and delicious. Shop LiquidIV.com. Save with their Buy 3 Get 1 Free offer and use promo code POD26. That's P-O-D-2-6. Let's be honest, you don't go to the family holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, get a gift that'll cause a stir.

• 0:44Speaker 00

  A KitchenAid Stand Mixer. It's not just an appliance, it's a present to help them with the making. Year after year, recipe after recipe, you're enabling the family to whip up new traditions. 'Tis your season to mix it up. Gift a KitchenAid Stand Mixer this year and make more than meals.

• 1:03Andrew Santino?

  Welcome back to Whiskey Ginger A Wave Series. Hey, Whiskey Ginger fans. In two days, October 18th, I'm gonna be performing with Dave Chappelle. You know him, you've heard of him, remember that guy? Me and him are doing a show together at Sloan Park in Mesa, Arizona. Mesa is just right next to Tempe, which is in the Phoenix Greater Metro area. October 18th at Sloan Park where the Cubs do their spring training, me and Dave Chappelle are gonna be doing a stand-up show. Come out and see us, go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets, that's andrewsantino.com.

• 1:29Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:34Speaker 03

  Who are that creature in the ginger beard? It's sturdy and ginger.

• 1:38Speaker 04

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 1:50Speaker 03

  Ginger, I like gingers.

• 1:53Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. Mike Stages, one of my favorite people on Earth, so thanks for all my guests, and once again today, it's Column Tyrrell.

• 1:59Speaker 05

  What's up everybody?

• 2:00Andrew Santino?

  That was good.

• 2:00Speaker 05

  That was awesome.

• 2:01Andrew Santino?

  Column, Tyrrell.

• 2:01Speaker 05

  You crushed, Tyrrell, yeah.

• 2:02Andrew Santino?

  Tyrrell.

• 2:03Speaker 05

  Tyrrell, yeah. I don't know why you're, but like, it's like you're nervous to say it, so you're spitting it out, yeah.

• 2:07Andrew Santino?

  Well, Column's easy to say.

• 2:09Speaker 05

  Column's perfect.

• 2:10Andrew Santino?

  But Tyrrell's, because it's-

• 2:11Speaker 05

  Tyrrell's a little weird.

• 2:12Andrew Santino?

  Tyrrell.

• 2:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, a lot of people say Tyrrell.

• 2:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, no, you're not Tyrrell.

• 2:15Speaker 05

  But you know my uncle, his name, Tyrone.

• 2:19Andrew Santino?

  You got a white Uncle Tyrone?

• 2:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, Tyrone's from Ireland, we're the original Tyrone.

• 2:24Andrew Santino?

  Stop.

• 2:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:25Andrew Santino?

  Google it, there's no way that's right.

• 2:26Speaker 05

  Tyrone's a county in Ireland, yeah.

• 2:27Andrew Santino?

  You're saying the name Tyrone is from Ireland?

• 2:29Speaker 05

  Uh huh. I swear to God, it's a place in Ireland.

• 2:33Speaker 06

  Yeah. The name Tyrone is of Irish origin, it comes from the Gaelic phrase, "Tyr, I'll go again."

• 2:37Speaker 05

  Big guys from there, big guys from Tyrone, big, athletic.

• 2:40Andrew Santino?

  What is it called, wait, what's it called?

• 2:42Speaker 06

  It means land of Aragon or land of Owen.

• 2:45Speaker 05

  Land of Aragon.

• 2:46Andrew Santino?

  Aragon.

• 2:47Speaker 06

  Or not Ar, I added an R.

• 2:48Speaker 05

  That's a Lord of the Rings thing.

• 2:50Speaker 06

  E-O-G-H-A-N.

• 2:53Speaker 05

  Owen.

• 2:53Speaker 06

  Ogan.

• 2:54Speaker 05

  Owen.

• 2:54Speaker 06

  O-O-N.

• 2:55Speaker 05

  O-W-E-N.

• 2:55Andrew Santino?

  Can you speak Irish?

• 2:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, a little bit.

• 2:57Andrew Santino?

  You can?

• 2:58Speaker 05

  I have a little kinda stuff about it.

• 3:00Andrew Santino?

  It is one thing, you know, everyone here learns Spanish because you live in Los Angeles? And I'm not interested at all?

• 3:04Speaker 05

  No.

• 3:05Andrew Santino?

  But I would love to learn Irish.

• 3:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, now you got the opposite, Neecap, just listen to Neecap.

• 3:10Andrew Santino?

  I like those guys.

• 3:11Speaker 05

  If you listen to Neecap and you learn Irish, the only sentences you have are like antisemitic essentially. Because that's all they rap about.

• 3:18Andrew Santino?

  Let's, uh, let's play a clip.

• 3:21Andrew Santino?

  Turn them up, dude!

• 3:22Speaker 05

  People are learning Irish through Neecap and only learning like pro Palestine slogans, that's all they have.

• 3:31Andrew Santino?

  I like their stuff, though.

• 3:32Speaker 05

  Neecap, yeah, I don't understand it, though.

• 3:34Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean, too young?

• 3:36Speaker 05

  No, I don't understand the words, it's like when I'm listening to-

• 3:38Andrew Santino?

  No, but I like the-

• 3:38Speaker 05

  It's like I'm listening to Bad Bunny or whatever, I kinda just go with the vibe.

• 3:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, fanatics, yeah.

• 3:42Speaker 05

  And then you Google afterwards and you go, whoa.

• 3:44Andrew Santino?

  He's like, "I used to fuck my aunt, yeah, and my mom, yeah, and my sister, and my-" It's weird as shit.

• 3:49Speaker 05

  Wrong with kissing your cousin or whatever, and you're like, alright.

• 3:52Andrew Santino?

  The one Super Bowl song was literally like, "I have sex with close first cousins, and they're friends, and they're friends, and it's like that is-"

• 4:01Speaker 05

  Fuckin' my cousin when we're young and you know what to do. Like, alright.

• 4:05Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, dude, this rips, I like this song.

• 4:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:08Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna learn Irish at some point.

• 4:09Speaker 05

  Neecap's a little like that, where you're listening to it and then you Google it and it's kinda just like, Hitler was a little misunderstood and then you're like, what, in the hood, and you know. And you're like, alright, let's go Neecap.

• 4:21Andrew Santino?

  They put out everything on October 7th? They just release everything on October 7th? Album drop, October 7th. No, I'm gonna learn it only because, um, when I was a kid, and my grandmother, um, would, she would always say when someone would say Gaelic.

• 4:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:39Andrew Santino?

  And she's like, "It's not Gaelic, stop saying Gaelic."

• 4:41Speaker 05

  What would she say?

• 4:42Andrew Santino?

  She's speaking Irish.

• 4:44Speaker 05

  Irish, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:45Andrew Santino?

  She's like, "Because people would say, oh, do you speak Gaelic?"

• 4:47Speaker 05

  Sure, yeah, yeah, well, it is Gaelic, though.

• 4:49Andrew Santino?

  But Americans think that that's what it, no, but it's Irish, the language is Irish.

• 4:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, I guess it's, you know, I guess it depends. The, I guess, the English word for Gaelic is Irish.

• 5:00Andrew Santino?

  Right, but it's Irish.

• 5:01Speaker 05

  Yes, Irish.

• 5:02Andrew Santino?

  If we're speaking in English, talking about the Irish.

• 5:03Speaker 05

  Well, you could call it Gaelga.

• 5:05Andrew Santino?

  Gaelga.

• 5:05Speaker 05

  Gaelga.

• 5:06Andrew Santino?

  Gaelga.

• 5:06Speaker 05

  Sounds a little less homey erotic.

• 5:08Andrew Santino?

  I don't think so.

• 5:09Speaker 05

  Gaelga?

• 5:10Andrew Santino?

  Gaelga.

• 5:11Speaker 05

  Gaelga, you're getting it.

• 5:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but Irish sounds great. Irish sounds way better. Like, I would go to those step dancing competitions when I was a kid.

• 5:17Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 5:18Andrew Santino?

  All my cousins, my mom, all the sisters. Like, all my mom and her sisters did it. And you'd hear it, because the old ladies would be there, so you'd hear them sometimes.

• 5:27Speaker 05

  So we do the Irish dancing where the girls have, like, they have big curly hair.

• 5:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 5:31Speaker 05

  And they just sort of, the legs or whatever and the dresses and they're doing all the- But then you guys have it over here, I was, I was doing a show somewhere and I was in the hotel, they had the Irish dancing thing in the conference room, so I was like, let me go check this out.

• 5:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 5:45Speaker 05

  Which, but it's more like, it's like a little kinda stripper competition thing.

• 5:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 5:49Speaker 05

  It's like a beauty pageant, it's not, like, the wigs are different, they're like, they're like Dolly Parton and they're like-

• 5:55Andrew Santino?

  We're selling sex in America.

• 5:56Speaker 05

  They're flooded up, I'm not gonna lie. And honestly, which, I'm not a get, but you gotta warn a guy, I'm going in there thinking of like some sort of a nice Irish-

• 6:05Andrew Santino?

  Traditional.

• 6:06Speaker 05

  Traditional, remind me of home thing, but it was, it was just a little, a bunch of little bad bunnies.

• 6:10Andrew Santino?

  We sell sex here, brother, you gotta know that. You've been in America long enough, you know what we do.

• 6:14Speaker 05

  It was a beauty pageant.

• 6:14Andrew Santino?

  That's, that's the only reason you're successful is because you're hot.

• 6:17Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm, I get that, it's really frustrating.

• 6:19Andrew Santino?

  You're not funny, I mean, you're hot, that's, that's kind of it for you.

• 6:21Speaker 05

  It's kind of frustrating to just try to have a new premise about geopolitics and just a bunch of girls, woo!

• 6:29Andrew Santino?

  Show your dick!

• 6:30Speaker 05

  Do some crowd work on me! And you're like, ugh! And I'm like, guys, I'm at the TD Arena going, guys.

• 6:36Andrew Santino?

  Guys.

• 6:37Speaker 05

  I'm more than my killer-

• 6:38Andrew Santino?

  I'm more than my looks, bitch.

• 6:40Speaker 05

  My beautiful eyes.

• 6:41Andrew Santino?

  I also have a beautiful brain.

• 6:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:44Andrew Santino?

  Do, do, do crowd work on me is, that's become the new standard. I mean, it's so funny, it's everywhere, it's pervasive, it's not just New York, it's not just LA, it's not Austin, it's like everywhere now.

• 6:53Speaker 05

  Sure, yeah.

• 6:53Andrew Santino?

  Crowd work king now. I wonder what the amount of comics, like, if you go up at a Cellar-

• 6:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:00Andrew Santino?

  How many comics are only doing crowd work versus material?

• 7:03Speaker 05

  There's a lot, there's a lot.

• 7:05Andrew Santino?

  Almost, more, more than half?

• 7:06Speaker 05

  I would imagine if you see a show at Ape Comics, at some point, all Ape Comics are doing crowd work.

• 7:12Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that wild?

• 7:13Speaker 05

  At some point.

• 7:14Andrew Santino?

  It's, it's everywhere, it's fine.

• 7:15Speaker 05

  There should be a rule, like, you know.

• 7:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, first two already did it.

• 7:17Speaker 05

  There should just be a rule, like, our club doesn't do it. Our club does not do it, we're here for the jokes.

• 7:22Andrew Santino?

  That's good.

• 7:23Speaker 05

  Keep your fucking- You know, because people are sitting in the front row, like, and they're all excited.

• 7:27Andrew Santino?

  I don't like when they're waiting for it. Like, they're looking at you like, you know, and they're like leaning in, like, "To talk to me, talk to me," and you're like, "I just wanna do fucking jokes, I just wrote all these stupid jokes for you, I hope you wanted to hear some of them."

• 7:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, but, you know, you could also argue in this world of like everyone's on their phones that this is like, it feels more communal to be live and, rather than some guy has a bit about oatmeal or some shit, but it's like more rewarding to hear this guy go, "Are you guys dating? That's your daughter."

• 7:59Andrew Santino?

  That was almost Normandy.

• 8:00Speaker 05

  Oh, is that your daughter? Normandy, is that what we call them?

• 8:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Normandy, storm it, dude, storm the dude.

• 8:06Speaker 05

  The beach of Normandy.

• 8:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Normandy.

• 8:08Speaker 05

  Hey, Omaha Beach.

• 8:09Andrew Santino?

  I got one question for you now.

• 8:11Speaker 05

  Please.

• 8:12Andrew Santino?

  Disney?

• 8:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 8:13Andrew Santino?

  What are we talking, did you go?

• 8:14Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:15Andrew Santino?

  You're a big Disney guy.

• 8:16Speaker 05

  I'm a big success guy.

• 8:20Speaker 05

  As long as you're successful, I'll, I'll gobble it up. Disney's awesome.

• 8:24Andrew Santino?

  Disney's huge.

• 8:25Speaker 05

  I went to Disney in Florida.

• 8:26Andrew Santino?

  Oh, not here, you didn't go to LAN, you went to World.

• 8:29Speaker 05

  I flew to Florida to witness the-

• 8:32Andrew Santino?

  The real deal.

• 8:33Speaker 05

  Big thing, big bucket list moment.

• 8:35Andrew Santino?

  Don't they have Euro Disney, where's that?

• 8:36Speaker 05

  They do in Paris.

• 8:37Andrew Santino?

  Gross.

• 8:38Speaker 05

  Paris is great the first six or seven times and then I'm like, whatever, let's get out of here.

• 8:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you went to Disney World, the real-

• 8:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've been to Disney Paris, been to Disney Worlds.

• 8:49Andrew Santino?

  Never Disneyland here.

• 8:50Speaker 05

  No kids, just me and my wife walking around.

• 8:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, at least you have the wife there, though. If it was just you, solo, different story.

• 8:56Speaker 05

  Honestly, I might have more fun.

• 8:58Andrew Santino?

  Alone?

• 8:59Speaker 05

  Maybe.

• 9:00Andrew Santino?

  Totally alone?

• 9:01Speaker 05

  Just running to the front of the line all the, yeah. Because then you can get up on the, you get better spots on the rides.

• 9:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but Google, because they think you have Down syndrome?

• 9:11Andrew Santino?

  They let you go up there. They're like, this guy's obviously disabled.

• 9:14Speaker 05

  You can hear his accent, it's-

• 9:16Andrew Santino?

  No, no, he's from Alabama, that's how, yeah, he's disabled.

• 9:22Andrew Santino?

  No, the Disney, the Disney solo is, did you have a weird, what was your, was your childhood fucking wild?

• 9:30Speaker 05

  Wild?

• 9:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like bad, sad?

• 9:33Speaker 05

  No, I had great.

• 9:34Andrew Santino?

  Parents still together?

• 9:35Speaker 05

  Parents still together.

• 9:36Andrew Santino?

  Both alive?

• 9:37Speaker 05

  Both alive, probably haven't loved each other in years, but they're like fucking, they're, they're married.

• 9:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:42Speaker 05

  So they won't get divorced.

• 9:43Andrew Santino?

  That's such a great, this is married.

• 9:45Speaker 05

  And, and, and, I'm kinda, honestly, America divorce is like, it's like almost disgusting to me.

• 9:51Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean, like, oh, getting divorced here?

• 9:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, because you, it's, no one made you get married.

• 9:56Andrew Santino?

  Right, right.

• 9:56Speaker 05

  And you, no one made you throw the biggest thing you've ever done. Like, nothing else will ever come close to a ma- a wedding.

• 10:03Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 10:04Speaker 05

  You invite people and then you make a little like list of like, hmm.

• 10:07Andrew Santino?

  Give me this shit.

• 10:08Speaker 05

  Should my friend, you're on the B-list, like to this thing.

• 10:10Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 10:11Speaker 05

  As if it's a big, and then they get married, you do the whole thing, hotels, dress up, and then two years later they go, oh yeah, they got divorced, and you go, didn't they have a big fucking event saying they wouldn't do that? Am I crazy?

• 10:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you know what?

• 10:26Andrew Santino?

  This is what happens when you grow older and people fall out of love.

• 10:28Speaker 05

  I, but then don't get married.

• 10:30Andrew Santino?

  Okay, well, there's, you're married.

• 10:32Speaker 05

  I'm married, yeah.

• 10:33Andrew Santino?

  You threw the biggest party ever.

• 10:34Speaker 05

  I, it was so big.

• 10:35Andrew Santino?

  So what if your wife, what if your wife one day is like, I, I'm out?

• 10:37Speaker 05

  I'm fucking tying it to the radio. I don't know what I'm doing. She's not walking out.

• 10:43Andrew Santino?

  You're going nowhere!

• 10:44Speaker 05

  No, I would rather hear, I would rather hear a murder-suicide than a divorce.

• 10:49Andrew Santino?

  That happens a lot. That actually does happen a lot.

• 10:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, the honorable way, yeah.

• 10:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 10:54Speaker 05

  That's the way God did.

• 10:56Andrew Santino?

  That was in the Bible.

• 10:56Speaker 05

  You might get into heaven still.

• 10:58Andrew Santino?

  New Testament?

• 10:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:59Andrew Santino?

  God's like, murder-su, yeah?

• 11:01Speaker 05

  It's just, I can't imagine any other situation where, equivalent to a marriage, where you go, I'm throwing this thing.

• 11:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:07Speaker 05

  And I need everyone there, and we're gonna promise in front of everyone. Like, I'm, like, it's like you couldn't, you don't need us there, you can just do it.

• 11:14Andrew Santino?

  Just do it privately.

• 11:14Speaker 05

  Just do it privately.

• 11:15Andrew Santino?

  You're saying if you might get divorced, just do a small wedding.

• 11:17Speaker 05

  Uh huh. I just mean, like, if I promised everyone and then I committed to like a job or something.

• 11:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:23Speaker 05

  Like, some sort of a thing, and then just four years later go, nah, I wasn't really feeling it.

• 11:26Andrew Santino?

  So what's the cutoff, what if it's 20 years?

• 11:29Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 11:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 05

  I don't know. There's gotta be a, yeah.

• 11:33Andrew Santino?

  Cause my mom said to me one time, she was like, I love your dad, but it's hard. I was like, I get it.

• 11:39Speaker 05

  It's definitely hard, it's definitely hard.

• 11:40Andrew Santino?

  Well, cause they get old, my parents are so old too now that I could see like, well, they're, they're never, they're not gonna split up.

• 11:46Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 11:46Andrew Santino?

  But you do see how different their personalities are. Because the older my dad gets, the more he is settled into being like, leave me alone. This is what I like.

• 11:54Speaker 05

  Nice.

• 11:55Andrew Santino?

  Go away.

• 11:55Speaker 05

  That's great.

• 11:56Andrew Santino?

  But my mom still wants to be like active and do stuff and da-da-da, and he's not interested. So I could see, these battles are tough.

• 12:02Speaker 05

  That, I.

• 12:02Andrew Santino?

  Like, I see it and I'm like, oh, it's kinda sad.

• 12:04Speaker 05

  Exact same thing.

• 12:05Andrew Santino?

  Now, they don't wanna be with other people, it's just, you know? Sometimes you just wanna kill, it, it does, it is like they wanna, they're like, I don't wanna see him for a couple days.

• 12:12Speaker 05

  My, my, my parents are exactly like that. My, my mom's still full of wonder and interest and stuff, and my dad is like, no, he refuses to go anywhere new. He goes to, he goes to, he goes to the south of, he's been to the south of Spain hundreds of times. And he will refuse to go anywhere else.

• 12:29Andrew Santino?

  Where does he go, Sevilla? Or where does he go?

• 12:30Speaker 05

  Um, I think he goes to, uh.

• 12:33Andrew Santino?

  What's he on?

• 12:34Speaker 05

  Malaga.

• 12:34Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Malaga's great.

• 12:35Speaker 05

  Malaga, yeah.

• 12:36Andrew Santino?

  Malaga, uh, yeah, Malaga, yeah.

• 12:37Speaker 05

  Uh, Port of Manous or something, around that area, somewhere around there. He, so, cause his friend has an apartment.

• 12:42Andrew Santino?

  Malaga's great.

• 12:42Speaker 05

  But he just goes there, and he'll go to the same pub, and he talks to the same bartender and drinks the same thing.

• 12:47Andrew Santino?

  It's kinda nice.

• 12:48Speaker 05

  He'll do that for the rest of his life, and he'll never be like, I don't wanna be in Paris learning streets and, I'm not doing it.

• 12:54Andrew Santino?

  He knows Malaga.

• 12:55Speaker 05

  I've seen things, I get it.

• 12:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 12:57Speaker 05

  This is what I like.

• 12:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 12:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:59Andrew Santino?

  If it works, it works.

• 13:00Speaker 05

  And my wife's just like, oh, I'm sorry, my mother. Boo!

• 13:02Andrew Santino?

  Oh, no.

• 13:03Speaker 05

  Shit, good day, good day.

• 13:04Andrew Santino?

  Married my mom!

• 13:05Speaker 05

  Cut it, send it to her!

• 13:06Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, yeah, leave it in.

• 13:07Speaker 05

  Is it too late to let her know?

• 13:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but you married an American.

• 13:10Speaker 05

  I married an American, yeah, she's great.

• 13:11Andrew Santino?

  He did it just for the green card, that's why he's talking all that talk, dude.

• 13:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:14Andrew Santino?

  He wanted to be one of us.

• 13:16Speaker 05

  Did, it did speed things up maybe.

• 13:20Speaker 05

  It certainly wasn't, it wasn't the deciding factor.

• 13:24Andrew Santino?

  Where's she from?

• 13:25Speaker 05

  She's from New Jersey.

• 13:26Andrew Santino?

  New Jersey.

• 13:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, she's great, her family's great.

• 13:28Andrew Santino?

  Would you, would you ever ask her to go back to Ireland, or you have no interest in going back?

• 13:32Speaker 05

  I think it would be hard, I would love to have some sort of an option to go back.

• 13:35Andrew Santino?

  Like, have, like, have a place there?

• 13:37Speaker 05

  Have a place on the west coast of Ireland would be a, a joy. To like, out near the cliffs of Moher.

• 13:42Andrew Santino?

  Was that Galway, Cliffs of Moher?

• 13:42Speaker 05

  Galway, Clers.

• 13:44Andrew Santino?

  Shannon's over there, right?

• 13:45Speaker 05

  Shannon's beautiful.

• 13:45Andrew Santino?

  I love it over there.

• 13:46Speaker 05

  The west coast of Ireland's just amazing.

• 13:48Andrew Santino?

  You're not a Dublin fan?

• 13:49Speaker 05

  I like Dublin a lot, it's from where I'm from, I love Dublin.

• 13:52Andrew Santino?

  I know, but you don't wanna live there anymore.

• 13:53Speaker 05

  I don't think I would wanna move to like.

• 13:55Andrew Santino?

  Cause we texted when I was going to Ireland and I was like, going back to Dublin, which by the way, pound for pound, pound for pound, the best international show we've ever done.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:05Andrew Santino?

  It's not even fucking close. With the Three Arena?

• 14:08Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, the Point. We called, we called it the Point.

• 14:11Andrew Santino?

  Not even close, we didn't do any other, look, Australia was fucking awesome. London was good, like, these shows were great, but Dublin did something to us.

• 14:20Speaker 05

  Well, you know, you know what it is?

• 14:21Andrew Santino?

  It was fucking awesome.

• 14:22Speaker 05

  That was probably, with, you did with Bobby?

• 14:24Andrew Santino?

  Bob, yeah, Bob and I.

• 14:24Speaker 05

  They'd never seen anyone like that before.

• 14:26Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 14:26Speaker 05

  That was, they thought.

• 14:27Andrew Santino?

  They tried to capture him, a few guys tried to have a bag.

• 14:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:30Andrew Santino?

  Tried to snag him and keep him. Dude, we, I just think it was just the treatment, they were so receptive, like, from the jump.

• 14:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:39Andrew Santino?

  They were ready, chanting, cheering, yelling, like.

• 14:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, there is a thing.

• 14:44Andrew Santino?

  The vibe was amazing.

• 14:45Speaker 05

  There is a thing, and this, this gets a little whatever, but I think Irish audiences are very, like, what you, cause they're urban audiences, I'll go over here. They're, they're enthusiastic, like, they're not enthusiastic, they're energetic, and if they love ya, it'll be the best night of your life, and if they don't, it's gonna ruin your confidence for a while.

• 15:03Andrew Santino?

  But that's what you need.

• 15:04Speaker 05

  For a while.

• 15:05Andrew Santino?

  You need the hot, you can't, the middle ground's tough, cause when you have like an okay show, you're like, yeah, it was fine, I guess.

• 15:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:12Andrew Santino?

  Nobody won, nobody lost, you, it's like soccer, it's a tie, and you're like, fuck, a tie. But like with that, you're like, I wanna lose so bad or win so big, cause the hit was.

• 15:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:23Andrew Santino?

  We know exactly where you stand with the audience. Cause we had, dude, at the show, we brought in step dancers who taught me and Bobby how to step live in front of the crowd. Dude, watching him step and eat shit on wa- somebody spilled water and he's.

• 15:34Speaker 05

  He spilled water and he slipped on his own water pile.

• 15:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that sounds right. But those girls were incredible. It was just the music was, like, everything was, the night was great, and I remember leaving and being like, I don't know if we're gonna do a better show. We should probably never go back. Cause that was like, it was, it was the best.

• 15:49Speaker 05

  Sounds so cool.

• 15:49Andrew Santino?

  I'm not kissing ass, I fucking, we love, we all, we talk about it constantly, dude.

• 15:53Speaker 05

  Were you skull and pints?

• 15:55Andrew Santino?

  I was.

• 15:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, we were, we were.

• 15:58Speaker 05

  You gotta have about twenty Guinness in your.

• 15:59Andrew Santino?

  That's the problem though, is I don't drink beer anymore, I drink whiskey, and then if I do drink beer, I do like Guinness.

• 16:06Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 16:07Andrew Santino?

  But something about Guinness, I can have more than I should.

• 16:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:12Andrew Santino?

  You can have way too many of those.

• 16:13Speaker 05

  I know, you also don't be surrounded by a bunch of drunk Irish guys, so.

• 16:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's easy.

• 16:16Speaker 05

  Of course you're gonna have a few more than you should.

• 16:18Andrew Santino?

  I know, but it's also just like easy to drink them for some reason, it's just like a simple.

• 16:22Speaker 05

  It's the best.

• 16:22Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 16:23Speaker 05

  I could, I could really throw my life away to be a Guinness alcoholic, like, it's right there.

• 16:28Andrew Santino?

  You're close.

• 16:29Speaker 05

  I could, easy.

• 16:30Andrew Santino?

  You're a sniff away. Do you have any booze bags in the family?

• 16:33Speaker 05

  Yeah. Everyone.

• 16:34Andrew Santino?

  I mean, no, but, not like in the tr- I mean, like, like, Uncle Mark is bad.

• 16:39Speaker 05

  Uh, yeah, well, my grandmother was.

• 16:41Andrew Santino?

  She was big.

• 16:42Speaker 05

  She was a.

• 16:42Andrew Santino?

  Did she die of it?

• 16:43Speaker 05

  She, I, no, but her brain, uh, left her for a while, yeah.

• 16:48Andrew Santino?

  Just gone, yeah.

• 16:49Speaker 05

  So, uh, but we had to like go like door, we had to go to the local, local liquor stores with like photos and go, you cannot give her any more booze, please. And they're, and she's come on in all the time, and she'd wear these like, like, like, wealthy glove, you know, like, you know, like, old, like, Coella de Vil style, she'd come in. Like, she was, I don't know, she was like a very bougie bitch, and she would come in and go, I have a bottle of gin, and they're like, we can't serve you, and then she's like, you fucking cunt!

• 17:15Speaker 05

  I can throw a glove at them or something.

• 17:17Andrew Santino?

  Smack him, take off the glove to smack him with it?

• 17:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly.

• 17:20Andrew Santino?

  So wait, gin, gin was her drink?

• 17:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, the beef eater gin, yeah, she'd crush it.

• 17:24Andrew Santino?

  That's so fun.

• 17:25Speaker 05

  Gin's an old lady, it gets you rocked.

• 17:27Andrew Santino?

  It's old lady and my dad.

• 17:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:29Andrew Santino?

  My dad, I don't know why my dad, JV loves it, we, when I had him here to, to play, to play golf, we're supposed to meet my mom and, and my wife and a, a couple of ours, like a friend.

• 17:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:41Andrew Santino?

  And my mom is like, take it easy today, and I'm like, he's out of town, he's playing golf, I know my dad's gonna be boozing, you know, but I had, it's like, I'm this responsible one, I'm his son. Like, why do I have to look at, I'm like, he's an adult.

• 17:53Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 17:54Andrew Santino?

  Dude, one of the guys that works at this spot goes, he's like, oh, Mr. Santino, uh, your father, that is your father? I said, yeah, he goes, he's a black guy. He goes, Mr. Santino, Joe Fowler, he drank a whole bottle of B. Pedro Gin. And I was like, no fucking way. He's like, yes, he wanna double, then he wanna triple, then he wanna call group. I was like, no chance. And he shows me the bottle and I was like, no more, no more. And then by the end of the golf round, I'm like, Dad, you had way too much, man. And he's like, I'm fine. And I go, let's take a shower. And then I thought, if he's gonna, he's gonna fall in the shower.

• 18:31Speaker 05

  That's great.

• 18:32Andrew Santino?

  So I'd like to be near him. He's like, got it together. I'm like, okay, you good? He's like, I'm good. He's like, dressed. We walk into the restaurant and my mom is like, oh shit. I can, and I try to see my dad's just like sloppy staring in his face. I was like, dude, you lasted so, you almost got there. We just had to sit and chill.

• 18:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 18:52Andrew Santino?

  He loves gin. I don't know why he, I, gin and I are, no, no, no, no.

• 18:56Speaker 05

  You can get it good, though, I can't remember now, there was one gin that's just spectacular. I wish I knew, remember the name, cause I, I don't really drink liquors anymore because it's just.

• 19:05Andrew Santino?

  No brown, no brown anymore?

• 19:07Speaker 05

  I kinda had to just get away from the heavy stuff.

• 19:09Andrew Santino?

  Just beer then?

• 19:10Speaker 05

  I've been slowly just been putting up the, the bumpers on all of my drinking till it's just.

• 19:15Andrew Santino?

  I know you said, how many months now you haven't had any sauce?

• 19:17Speaker 05

  Couple, you know, I had, I did have one beer last weekend.

• 19:21Andrew Santino?

  One beer's not.

• 19:22Speaker 05

  Which barely counts. And I also had about fifty non-alcoholic beers.

• 19:26Andrew Santino?

  I tried, I tried that for a while.

• 19:27Speaker 05

  How many non-alcoholic beers I drank.

• 19:29Andrew Santino?

  Do you know, you know O'Connor, you know my book.

• 19:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course.

• 19:31Andrew Santino?

  O'Connor does a bit where, when he, when we were on the road and he was like, I don't wanna get hammered tonight. And I'd be like, alright, so he'll have a shot. I'd be like, I thought you don't wanna drink. He's like, but I'm drinking non-alcoholic beer.

• 19:43Speaker 05

  That's, yes.

• 19:43Andrew Santino?

  So he'll have shots in between any beers.

• 19:47Speaker 05

  It's insane.

• 19:48Andrew Santino?

  Well, but dude, on his, in his perspective, it's actually brilliant because he goes, because I would chase that shot with a regular beer.

• 19:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:54Andrew Santino?

  And I'd be getting twice as fucked up. Now I'm getting half as fucked up, so it's a little more under control.

• 19:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:59Andrew Santino?

  And I was like, I don't think so, dude, you had nine shots. Like, I don't care if there was nothing in between.

• 20:04Speaker 05

  What about a regular beer and some sort of non-alcoholic whiskey then? Would that be, that would even be safer, would it?

• 20:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, if it's, if it's like a light beer, cause you could drink a hundred Bud Lights.

• 20:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:12Andrew Santino?

  They're not, that's water.

• 20:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's all I drank too, was just the lowest.

• 20:16Andrew Santino?

  Just light beer.

• 20:17Speaker 05

  I just constantly trying to parachute the, whatever it is.

• 20:20Andrew Santino?

  Does your wife drink?

• 20:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, she booze hand, yeah.

• 20:23Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so you're going the other way, you're doing it why, for career and life?

• 20:26Speaker 05

  I don't know, it's just like, I'm constantly battling this kinda, I love it, I just love it.

• 20:30Andrew Santino?

  Cause I've drank with you.

• 20:31Speaker 05

  I, yeah, yeah, I love it so much. And I'm still drinking, it's just I gotta be like, in two months, I'm gonna get my two months worth in that weekend. And then I'll go back to normal.

• 20:42Andrew Santino?

  It's funny, I go through ways of it where I'm like, take some time off, like this one, I'm on a little time off.

• 20:46Speaker 05

  That's great.

• 20:46Andrew Santino?

  I'll come back when it's my wife's birthday, cause we're going to do a thing together. So I'm like, then we'll get.

• 20:51Speaker 05

  It's like truly, even if, I don't think I'm an alcoholic, right? But there's, I just, I could never say for, no forever. I just could never, it wouldn't be worth it to not be able to have like a fucking bottle of wine.

• 21:03Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're never gonna be on your deathbed and be like, thank God I was sober for the rest of my life after that. No, cause you.

• 21:09Speaker 05

  I would just, yeah.

• 21:10Andrew Santino?

  Some of the, some of the best moments I have from having a couple with people.

• 21:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and look, if it became a big issue.

• 21:16Speaker 05

  We gotta get drunk.

• 21:19Speaker 05

  This is so, it's so easy to just convince yourself.

• 21:22Andrew Santino?

  It's hard.

• 21:22Speaker 05

  To be like, I've been off it, and then you go, what about this? A couple of Guinness in, in the winter pub. Do you ever like Guinness during the day? When, like when it's snowing out or raining out and there's like an open fire?

• 21:33Andrew Santino?

  Forget about it.

• 21:33Speaker 05

  Oh my God. And then in, in Ireland's the best, cause you go into a pub and it's silent.

• 21:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no one's talking, huh?

• 21:40Speaker 05

  But it's, well, it's cause everyone's kind of ashamed, cause it's 1pm and you should, you have, you should have a job, but you got fired and you haven't told your wife yet. So everyone just like quietly goes in and they just.

• 21:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and they just one nod.

• 21:50Speaker 05

  And no one wants to talk to each other at all, it's great. There used to be this great video in, of a pub in Cork in Ireland where the guy walks in and the bartender goes up and goes, how's it going, Seamus? And he goes, Guinness.

• 22:03Speaker 05

  She was like, alright.

• 22:06Speaker 05

  And that was it.

• 22:07Andrew Santino?

  There was a great video, someone just did a sketch that I laughed at so hard, it was like, uh, Americans going into a bar anywhere. And I think it was like, I think it was a, an Irish pub. And how the, they're all like mocking how loud the Americans are.

• 22:19Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 22:19Andrew Santino?

  And shitting on them. And then the reversal is like, when Australians are in an Irish pub and the Irish are all like, huh, where you from, Australia? They're really so excited to see him, I thought it was so funny. It's like, everyone does that, it's like, look at these fucking idiots.

• 22:33Speaker 05

  Yeah. I don't know why Ireland has such a weird hang up. I, I never had it with the Irish-American thing of like, you know, you go over and go, I'm Irish. And then they all go, well, you're not Irish, you're from fucking Chicago or whatever, you know? But I, I never really cared, it's like, just like, whatever.

• 22:47Andrew Santino?

  Well, if you're, I mean, yeah, I'm American.

• 22:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, you're American.

• 22:51Andrew Santino?

  But my grandparents are from Ireland, so it's almost like, I don't, I guess.

• 22:54Speaker 05

  I don't know why they get so.

• 22:55Andrew Santino?

  I'm American, people get hung up on it.

• 22:57Speaker 05

  They get so tribal then.

• 22:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, because they don't want Americans, people don't like Americans, dude, they don't want us to like, uh, uh, what is it called? Like, um, intercept or like, they, they don't want us to like, take something away from somewhere else. They think it's like, you have enough, America, go away.

• 23:12Speaker 05

  And you grew up in a, like an Irish neighborhood, like was there Irish flags?

• 23:15Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no, no. Well, my grand, my grandmother's house was like, my grand, where my mom grew up and, and all the families around them. You know, it's like the, you know, the Hurley Hees and the O'Malleys and all, and they all had fucking fifteen kids. My mom's one of ten.

• 23:30Speaker 05

  Okay, yeah, of course.

• 23:32Andrew Santino?

  And all of the people in their neighborhood are ten to twelve kids.

• 23:33Speaker 05

  That's awesome, yeah.

• 23:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's all, that's all they grew up around.

• 23:36Speaker 05

  Yes, so cool.

• 23:36Andrew Santino?

  So that's all my mom knew from her generation.

• 23:38Speaker 05

  We gotta bring it back.

• 23:39Andrew Santino?

  Catholic school, getting beat by the nuns.

• 23:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:42Andrew Santino?

  My mom's schools, we drove by, we just went to a Cubs game and she, she went to a school called Immaculata, that was, it's, it's gone now. This is the funny, dude, this is, I can, you can hear, you already, you know my dad, you don't know my dad, but you already know my dad. So we drive by, drive by, my mom's like, I think my high school is around here. And I was like, really, mom? Do you remember the block? Immaculata, look at this, this is insane.

• 24:07Speaker 05

  Immaculata.

• 24:08Andrew Santino?

  Wait, hold on, hold on.

• 24:09Speaker 05

  Is that Latin for something?

• 24:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're gonna love this though, here. Immaculata, uh, permanently closed, this is my favorite thing in the world. So I go, I go, I go, mom, your high school was right there? She goes, yeah. It's not a high, it's not Immaculata anymore. I go, what is it? It's the American Islamic College. And my dad immediately, he goes, oh, is that? And I go, dad, we're in an Uber, just.

• 24:36Andrew Santino?

  Chill out.

• 24:37Speaker 05

  It's for your country, man.

• 24:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I was like, dude, we're in an Uber, chill out. I go, if we, if it was our car.

• 24:44Speaker 05

  Bit of an allegory for this country, if you ask me.

• 24:48Andrew Santino?

  You could feel my dad.

• 24:49Speaker 05

  Straight to the point.

• 24:50Andrew Santino?

  You could feel him like grip, I was like, dad, dad, we're in someone else's car.

• 24:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:54Andrew Santino?

  Chill the fuck out.

• 24:55Speaker 05

  The Islamic school for trans kids, fucking.

• 25:00Andrew Santino?

  The Islamic school for pre-teen, uh, mid-transition.

• 25:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, spectrum kids.

• 25:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, my dad, I could feel my dad, like his neck.

• 25:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:10Andrew Santino?

  And I was like, we're going to a Cubs game, dude, just chill out. Just hang out. Yeah, no, she, but they got, I didn't go to Catholic school. I did, I, I did as a kid, kid, I went to Moody Bible in, in the city and then when we left the city, I.

• 25:23Speaker 05

  Moody Bible?

• 25:24Andrew Santino?

  Moody Bible, Moody, Moody was the name, M-O-O-D-Y.

• 25:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, like.

• 25:28Andrew Santino?

  Moody.

• 25:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay.

• 25:29Andrew Santino?

  It had to have been, it had to have been a name of a guy, look up Moody Bible.

• 25:33Speaker 05

  A little Moody, he's a little Moody.

• 25:34Andrew Santino?

  He's a little Moody. He's Moody, isn't he?

• 25:36Speaker 05

  Moody, the Moody Bible.

• 25:37Andrew Santino?

  The Moody Bible Institute, that's what it was.

• 25:38Speaker 05

  Bible's a little Moody.

• 25:39Andrew Santino?

  Who was it named after, probably like.

• 25:41Speaker 06

  It was named after its founder.

• 25:42Andrew Santino?

  Patrick Moody.

• 25:43Speaker 06

  Dwight Lyman Moody. Chicago evangelist.

• 25:48Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 25:48Speaker 05

  Alright. So you have to wear like, you have to like, wear a little fucking blazer and a tie and everything?

• 25:53Andrew Santino?

  We were so young, I was so, I was a kid, I didn't even know the difference, I don't, I don't know if I had to. And then I went to La Salle, but, um, but I never got the nun thing, but my mom was always like, you have no idea what you missed. Cause my mom used to get fucked, she would tell, they'd beat the shit out of those kids.

• 26:06Speaker 05

  Kinda, you know what, I just feel like, I do, I feel like if I was given the opportunity to just have free rein to beat the shit out of a bunch of kids. I, I think, I don't know if I have the moral compass with my heart to say no.

• 26:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you, you should do it.

• 26:20Speaker 05

  You know what I mean? If I was, if I was a nineteen forties priest, I'd just feel like I'd be wailing on those.

• 26:25Andrew Santino?

  All the other priests are like, well, here, you're just hitting the kids, you're not doing anything else to them? And you're like, no, I'm just hitting them.

• 26:29Speaker 05

  Locked in.

• 26:32Speaker 05

  I've had no fat before the big fight.

• 26:36Andrew Santino?

  Call them, you're not eating lunch, you're like, I gotta stay fucking.

• 26:39Speaker 05

  Six of these guys, bring in the biggest, six of them.

• 26:41Andrew Santino?

  What's the age limit though? At some point, like, when do you think you can stop hitting them? When they're like, cause then they can fight back.

• 26:46Speaker 05

  When they're big, yeah.

• 26:47Andrew Santino?

  Fourteen, fifteen.

• 26:47Speaker 05

  I would think, what do you think the, in America right now, who, what do you think the, the, like, the youngest kid that could beat the balls off you is?

• 26:58Andrew Santino?

  Right now?

• 26:58Speaker 05

  Right now.

• 26:59Andrew Santino?

  Twelve, ele- eleven or twelve.

• 27:00Speaker 05

  You, there's an eleven-year-old out there that would wreck us, right?

• 27:03Andrew Santino?

  Have you seen these kids on the internet?

• 27:04Speaker 05

  No.

• 27:05Andrew Santino?

  I'm saying, you see these kids that are athletes?

• 27:07Speaker 05

  Adult looking eleven-year-olds?

• 27:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're looking, they're grown men.

• 27:11Speaker 05

  You're looking that up?

• 27:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, that's my whole feed. Just dogs.

• 27:15Speaker 05

  Possible eleven-year-olds?

• 27:16Andrew Santino?

  Dogs and eleven-year-old boys.

• 27:18Speaker 05

  It's like an app.

• 27:19Andrew Santino?

  Soldiers coming home.

• 27:20Speaker 05

  You tell me how old they are, you tell me, the jury, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, look at this kid and tell me that they ain't looking eighteen.

• 27:28Andrew Santino?

  Dude, you'll see these, I'll see a video come on my stream of like Bleacher Report, it'll be like, middle school phenom.

• 27:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:34Andrew Santino?

  Uh, getting, getting already scouted by the NBA. Eleven-year-old kid who's like six-four and you're like, what the fuck?

• 27:40Speaker 05

  I do love those like, just these like NFL prospects where these guys are just like humiliating.

• 27:47Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, when they're nine.

• 27:49Speaker 05

  It's like, it's like the thing in The Simpsons where like, uh, is it like Nelson, like quarterbacks to himself? He just lobs it in the air and.

• 27:55Andrew Santino?

  Catches it, yeah.

• 27:56Speaker 05

  That's what, that, that's literally what these guys do.

• 27:57Andrew Santino?

  That's what it looks, I think an eleven-year-old could beat our ass.

• 27:59Speaker 05

  A ten-year, see, I wonder, there's, there's gotta be a ten-year-old.

• 28:02Andrew Santino?

  Ten is on the, ten's on the cusp.

• 28:03Speaker 05

  Just a big corn-fed.

• 28:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, some Nebraska kid.

• 28:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, big Nebraska.

• 28:08Andrew Santino?

  Some fucking farm kid, come up and knock us out.

• 28:10Speaker 05

  Just beat the brakes off us.

• 28:13Speaker 06

  We had a kid who was six-two in seventh grade.

• 28:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, we had a couple of kids, we had, we had kids. Yeah.

• 28:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, okay.

• 28:23Andrew Santino?

  Me play sport.

• 28:24Speaker 05

  So, yeah, gigantism.

• 28:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 28:27Speaker 05

  Big massive head and weird.

• 28:28Andrew Santino?

  He's dead now, by the way, that kid died.

• 28:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, I remember that was a rumor, I think he's still alive.

• 28:32Speaker 05

  Orgen failure at fifteen years old, yeah. Sure, okay.

• 28:35Andrew Santino?

  I'm working on my own organ failure on my own. No, we had, we had kids in junior high that were big, big, big boys. I, I remember, um. A couple of kids and then we had scrimmage for football junior high and I was like, what position am I playing again? And they were like, uh, oh, well, we're gonna put you at receiver now. I was like, fantastic. Cause I just saw, if I had to go up against a guy.

• 28:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:56Andrew Santino?

  I was like, a receiver is gonna be, a DB or a safety will be similar sizes me. Dude, some of those other kids, I was like, I think I'm gonna quit football. Cause they were just getting so bigger than me so fast. I was like, nah, I don't wanna play football.

• 29:07Speaker 05

  And I get, well, I guess wrestling, you go by weight, but football is like the real eye opener for this country. Cause we don't have, our sports are.

• 29:14Andrew Santino?

  Well, rugby.

• 29:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, rug, but rugby, you can, you can survive rugby. The way the sport works, you can survive.

• 29:21Andrew Santino?

  I know, but you start getting clipped by some of those guys as you get older. It's, I mean, like I.

• 29:24Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:24Andrew Santino?

  My brother in law plays in a rugby league. Uh, his, my brother in law is, uh, his parents are born in Ireland. He was born in New York, but he, he plays with a bunch of these Irish kids.

• 29:34Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 29:35Andrew Santino?

  And I mean, from Ireland.

• 29:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. They all come over cause they get, they get easy like, uh, scholarships and stuff.

• 29:39Andrew Santino?

  We'll probably give you guys money. Yeah. We'll give anybody money. Come on over.

• 29:41Speaker 05

  You guys are great for money.

• 29:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're good for money, dude. Come on over.

• 29:44Speaker 05

  Great.

• 29:44Andrew Santino?

  And we even give it away. Live overseas, we'll give you more money, dude. Ask Solinsky or whatever the fuck.

• 29:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, big rugby scholarships in Israel right now.

• 29:53Speaker 05

  That's, that's where the, that's where you go.

• 29:55Andrew Santino?

  You wanna beat the brakes off of Palestine the real way? Come play Irish rugby in Israel.

• 30:01Speaker 05

  That's so funny.

• 30:01Andrew Santino?

  No, dude, they all put, they play in that, that, those rugby leagues, but you could see, you just can see the talent level of some of those kids when they know how to hit right. Uh-uh, no thanks, man.

• 30:11Speaker 05

  Well, it's just, there's a weird thing. You, you, you learn how to get tackled. I don't think it's, the impact's not the same as football. Football is like raw, like you're standing there, you get smashed. Like rugby is kind of, you're kinda going with the, with the tackle kind of thing. Sometimes you get smashed.

• 30:26Andrew Santino?

  You see some people get fucking annihilated.

• 30:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can, yeah. I played rugby for a couple of years and, uh, I was just like the, I was the small guy on the wing that just sends you to the wing. And I'm like not tiny, like I'm like.

• 30:38Andrew Santino?

  No, you're not a tiny guy.

• 30:38Speaker 05

  Like six, one, two hundred pounds or something. But I was on that team. I was looking up at everybody and yeah, they would crush you.

• 30:45Andrew Santino?

  We're the same, we're like the same. I'm six, one, I'm two hundred. We look like two different kinds of two hundred.

• 30:49Speaker 05

  You wanna wear my shirt?

• 30:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I could actually.

• 30:51Speaker 05

  You want my Disney shirt?

• 30:52Andrew Santino?

  No, man, you keep it.

• 30:52Speaker 05

  Very different.

• 30:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, than the Dead. Yeah, the Dead. The Dead probably played at Disney. Who fucking, I'm sure they did.

• 30:58Speaker 05

  I'm sure. It's all corporate.

• 30:59Andrew Santino?

  Everything's corporate now, yeah.

• 31:00Speaker 05

  It's all bullshit.

• 31:01Andrew Santino?

  This is corporate, this has gotta be corporate branded.

• 31:02Speaker 05

  The fact that we're both wearing merch is kind of embarrassing, but whatever.

• 31:04Andrew Santino?

  Should wear merch.

• 31:05Speaker 05

  You should?

• 31:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I should wear merch. You gotta support. This is all, everything is merch.

• 31:09Speaker 05

  I guess you're right.

• 31:10Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that funny? If they didn't want us to wear their merch, they wouldn't put their name on the thing. We're just walking billboards for everything. The only thing you get away with is pants. And those pants have a shit on it too.

• 31:19Speaker 05

  Yeah. I do, my whole wardrobe really, other than this, I bought this, but everything else is, I go to Ross Dress for Less and I just get the cheapest stuff or I wear my friend's merch, podcast stuff.

• 31:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, podcast merch.

• 31:31Speaker 05

  That's all I have.

• 31:32Andrew Santino?

  We wear a pretty fair amount of podcast. He wears anything I get for free and I get like that, that Budweiser jacket I gave to him.

• 31:37Speaker 05

  Like I haven't gone into like a real store looking for a real thing.

• 31:41Andrew Santino?

  Well, why, why, why?

• 31:42Speaker 05

  Never. I don't need it.

• 31:43Andrew Santino?

  If I need something, I'll buy it on the internet and have it shipped to my house. If I'm like, I really need socks.

• 31:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:47Andrew Santino?

  I'm not gonna go in. The last time I went, I was in New York. I had to go get like underwear. I fucking didn't pack enough and I was like, I have no time to do laundry. So I just went to go get underwear and I realized I was in a department store. And I was like, I don't think I've been inside of a store to buy stuff.

• 31:59Speaker 05

  You don't need it. You get sponsored by all these places.

• 32:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they throw you shit.

• 32:02Speaker 05

  Or you, you know, you need a new pair of jeans. You scroll on your friend's merch site. Next thing you know, you're wearing the fucking two beers, one K jeans.

• 32:10Andrew Santino?

  We might be drunk, we might be drunk shoes.

• 32:15Andrew Santino?

  That is, although of all people who would have like the most clothing for, uh, for merch would probably be Louis. Louis would probably have, Louis would probably have like a merch line of every kind of clothing.

• 32:27Speaker 05

  If he could sell it, he would.

• 32:28Andrew Santino?

  Cause he's a businessman.

• 32:29Speaker 05

  He's a businessman.

• 32:30Andrew Santino?

  He knows what the fuck he's doing.

• 32:31Speaker 05

  He's a business.

• 32:32Andrew Santino?

  Man.

• 32:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, Louis would, if he can make a dollar off it, he would sell it, but he's not really a fashion guy. He's like, we went to no.

• 32:39Andrew Santino?

  Louis isn't a fashion guy?

• 32:40Speaker 05

  Not really. We went to Nobu and he, he wore like cutoff jeans and he had like a tap out shirt.

• 32:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I love that.

• 32:47Speaker 05

  Yeah. And I think he had like a, like his hat on, kinda like this.

• 32:50Andrew Santino?

  He's unapologetically him.

• 32:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's awesome. He's one of the best guys ever.

• 32:54Andrew Santino?

  Are you, when's Skank Fest?

• 32:56Speaker 05

  Skank Fest, I don't.

• 32:57Andrew Santino?

  Are you doing it this year?

• 32:58Speaker 05

  I'm doing it, yeah, this year.

• 32:58Andrew Santino?

  It's gotta be in the end of the year, right?

• 33:00Speaker 05

  It's towards November-ish.

• 33:02Andrew Santino?

  He gets mad at me every time he asks me to go do that. I'm always like, brother, I'm working on a thing.

• 33:05Speaker 05

  Go, I'm way, I'm way too famous for this.

• 33:07Andrew Santino?

  No, that's not true.

• 33:07Speaker 05

  You should go, I'm way too famous for this.

• 33:08Andrew Santino?

  Well, people do it all the time.

• 33:09Speaker 05

  You do pop up a lot. You're every, every show I watch, you pop up, I gotta turn it off. I can't.

• 33:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 33:15Speaker 06

  November thirteenth.

• 33:16Andrew Santino?

  November. I thought it was November. Where is it? New Orleans?

• 33:17Speaker 06

  New Orleans.

• 33:18Speaker 05

  Great. That, that, they did it there last year was really great. Fantastic.

• 33:23Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he said it's amazing.

• 33:23Speaker 05

  It's beautiful where they have it cause they have a ride on the, like, I guess the port or the bay or whatever. And there's a big Ferris wheel and the sunset comes over. It's just, it's like, it's more like a hippie kinda woodstocky festival than it is.

• 33:36Andrew Santino?

  A comedy festival.

• 33:37Speaker 05

  Bunch of incels who can't get laid, really. Cause everyone thinks it's just a bunch of bikers who, you know, hate Indians. But it's really, it's not that.

• 33:45Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 33:46Speaker 05

  That is the brand, but the real person is like very, everyone's on acid and telling you how much they love.

• 33:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a lot of like, it, it does, it's kinda like how the misunderstood of like ICP where people like think they know what ICP culture is.

• 33:57Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 33:57Andrew Santino?

  And yes, some of that is there. Whatever you're thinking is there, but the other side of it is very like communal, sweet.

• 34:04Speaker 05

  Hundred percent.

• 34:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's very the opposite of what people think. I like, my only hiccup, I did, we did say we wanted to go to a live show cause they're touring a lot right now.

• 34:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:11Andrew Santino?

  I just don't wanna get sprayed with pop. I'm not, I don't want, I just do not wanna get sprayed with pop. I just like, that's my literal, I'm like, don't spray me with pop. I wanna see your show.

• 34:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:21Andrew Santino?

  Not at the cost of me getting wet. I'm just not interested in being wet at a show.

• 34:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:26Andrew Santino?

  Like, we just went to go see a show, my wife and I. And I was like, you know, everyone's, it was at the, the Greek, which is probably our best outdoor venue, man. It's fucking incredible. And I go there and I got high as fuck. And I sat and listened to the whole show and people around me were standing up. And my wife was like, do you wanna stand up at any point? I was like, no.

• 34:47Speaker 05

  Just a listener.

• 34:48Andrew Santino?

  I wanna be down, comfortable. I'm watching, it's, my view was perfect.

• 34:51Speaker 05

  You could see from where you're sitting. No, you weren't just looking at someone's.

• 34:53Andrew Santino?

  No, there was, there was a bunch of empty rows in front of us. It was, it was like.

• 34:56Speaker 05

  Great.

• 34:57Andrew Santino?

  Like as if God was like, how high are you? And I was like, I'm ripped. And he's like, I'm gonna make sure no one's in front of you so you can sit down. Cause I did not wanna stand up.

• 35:05Speaker 05

  That's so, yeah.

• 35:05Andrew Santino?

  I just wanted to chill. I was like, when I go see shows, I'm, I'm at the age now where I'm like, can I enjoy this the most comfortably possible?

• 35:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm at that age where it's like too many people singing along. Where you're kinda going, alright, alright, easy guys, easy, easy.

• 35:20Andrew Santino?

  Slow it down.

• 35:21Speaker 05

  Let them do a little bit of the hard work. Will they ever sing? That's the old bit. Pay two hundred dollars and you wouldn't, you wouldn't shut up?

• 35:31Andrew Santino?

  That sounds like a dad.

• 35:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:32Andrew Santino?

  Are you in the band too? No? Then shut the fuck up. It's like my dad.

• 35:35Speaker 05

  Are you gonna stand the whole time, buddy? Hey, great view down here too. Come on. Uh, that's awesome. You got, go, go to the Greek where your wife get high as hell, listen to a great band.

• 35:44Andrew Santino?

  That's where I'm at right now.

• 35:45Speaker 05

  We're, we're so spoiled, like, that, that would, that should be like a milestone moment in anyone's life. It's like such a, in, in the history of humans, like just be able to do that. It's so cool.

• 35:55Andrew Santino?

  Contribute nothing to society. Just go enjoy music high.

• 35:58Speaker 05

  Go get high in LA and watch fucking music.

• 36:02Andrew Santino?

  We live a pretty good life down here. It's fine. It's quiet.

• 36:04Speaker 05

  Afterwards, you're in traffic going, ugh, god, my Uber's not for ten minutes or whatever we're complaining about. But that's like so cool.

• 36:11Andrew Santino?

  I've learned to thwart that with every single sporting event and everything I do. I either go, it's either get out of there comically early, so you never have to face traffic. This is anywhere in the, in the country. Or if you wanna watch the whole thing, no matter what it is, stay and stay for a long time. Stay for an hour. Go to a bar down the street.

• 36:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:29Andrew Santino?

  Then you don't even know what happened. So whenever I say that to someone, I go, if you're in a rush, you gotta get out, if you're going to like a Laker game or you're going to a Dodger game, it's like, if you really don't wanna be here that long, fine, leave in the fifth inning, leave in the sixth. Beat everybody. But if you wanna have fun, stay with me. We'll walk to a bar. I'll meet up with him, which we do often. Well, the Douglas, yeah, or shortstop. We go over the hill from the Dodger game. I kill an hour and a half. I give him money when he's on an uncomfortable date.

• 36:57Andrew Santino?

  I was embarrassing him. He's on a date. I'm hammered. He's got some girl and I'm just, I just kept giving him money. I was like, take this girl somewhere nice.

• 37:06Speaker 05

  You give a kid like something, go, go get yourself a snack.

• 37:09Andrew Santino?

  That's exactly what I was doing.

• 37:10Speaker 05

  Go get yourself some martinis.

• 37:12Andrew Santino?

  She, I know, he was with, with a friend and I was like, I was like, just feeding him money. I was like, did I give you money already?

• 37:18Speaker 05

  That's so funny.

• 37:18Andrew Santino?

  Come get us some more money. Well, I don't have a kid. He's like my son, so, you know, and he bought that coffee by the way, which I know tomorrow he's gonna be like, can I have six bucks for the coffee? Aren't you?

• 37:27Speaker 06

  It'll all come back around.

• 37:29Speaker 05

  What, you're not doing well?

• 37:30Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 37:31Speaker 05

  Do you ever turn down a show? Every show I watch on Netflix, your fucking head.

• 37:34Andrew Santino?

  I'm not on any show. What am I on?

• 37:35Speaker 05

  I fucking, what's the fucking, I watched you on the fucking Ali Wong, the fucking Ali Wong.

• 37:40Andrew Santino?

  I did the first season of Beef, yeah.

• 37:43Speaker 05

  I saw it. I saw it. It was a good show. You're in it.

• 37:47Andrew Santino?

  Thank you, dude. Chow main.

• 37:48Speaker 06

  Henry Poole.

• 37:49Speaker 05

  What else you on?

• 37:50Andrew Santino?

  Shut the fuck up, McCord.

• 37:51Speaker 05

  You're on Dave, Dave was great.

• 37:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a long time, three, four years.

• 37:54Speaker 05

  One of the funniest scenes, I swear, I, that ever cracked me was the ass eating scene when the, when the garage. I held so hard of that. And I think I had to pause the show. It was so fucking funny.

• 38:07Andrew Santino?

  That was an incredible moment. It was called the, uh, um, milking table.

• 38:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. And the joke was supposed to be, cause your cock is supposed to go in it.

• 38:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:16Andrew Santino?

  And someone's supposed to jerk you, blow you from below. But he, I, I think they pitched it, like Jeff had pitched it that, um, it's funnier if he does it wrong. If he doesn't know how to sit on it and he puts his ass on it instead of his balls through it. And I was like, that's so funny.

• 38:31Speaker 05

  But they just saw slowly and.

• 38:35Andrew Santino?

  Nowhere to go.

• 38:36Speaker 05

  That was great.

• 38:36Andrew Santino?

  Well, so the funny thing was, they wanted to do a test run of that scene. They were like, let's run it. Because what's so funny is like, you're an actor, but you're also a human, and they forget that you're a human, they're like, are you gonna be able to drive the car up into the driveway? You're like, what? I didn't forget how to be a human. Because they're like, can we do a test of it? You're like, no.

• 38:54Speaker 05

  Let's do our staging of the car.

• 38:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, it's like, it's a fucking car, I drive these all the time, I drove one here. But so that, they wanted to test it, and I said no, because I wanted to see it for the first time organically.

• 39:06Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:07Andrew Santino?

  Because I was like, if I see it, it's not gonna be as funny in my mind.

• 39:09Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 39:10Andrew Santino?

  And then, because I'll know the bit. And that take is almost certainly the first take that we did.

• 39:15Speaker 05

  So.

• 39:16Andrew Santino?

  Because when we did it again and again, you lose the wonderment of it, like you lose, the beat's gone.

• 39:19Speaker 05

  But there's something about the freezing in the moment too, because I remember my brother walked in on me with an ex-girlfriend years and years ago. He, my brother threw a party, he's older than me, so I must have been like eighteen or seventeen or something. So he's like four years older than me, but me and my girl at the time, we slipped off into his bedroom and started banging.

• 39:38Andrew Santino?

  Oh shit.

• 39:39Speaker 05

  And we're just like banging on the bed, and I have her like-

• 39:41Andrew Santino?

  In his room?

• 39:42Speaker 05

  In his room, yeah, whatever.

• 39:43Andrew Santino?

  Oh dick.

• 39:44Speaker 05

  And I have his, I have her like legs up over her shoulders, and then the door just opens slowly, and I just froze. And so it was like, and then he just walks in and just, just like, there was just like a ten second silence-

• 39:56Andrew Santino?

  No words exchanged.

• 39:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, and he just like slowly walked back out of the room, and she was just like-

• 40:01Andrew Santino?

  You gotta continue though.

• 40:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:05Andrew Santino?

  He's gone now.

• 40:06Speaker 05

  I got, buddy, I need five seconds more here.

• 40:08Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Can you stay in here, I'm almost done.

• 40:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:12Andrew Santino?

  I'd like to look at you while I finish.

• 40:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, can you substitute in?

• 40:14Andrew Santino?

  My, my, my mom caught me getting head in high school, and that was tough.

• 40:18Speaker 05

  Right.

• 40:19Andrew Santino?

  That was really tough. She walked in my room-

• 40:22Speaker 05

  And was there on her knees or something, were you sitting?

• 40:24Andrew Santino?

  I was in bed, she was, she was, she was in, I was laying on my back in bed, she was in my bed, bobbing.

• 40:29Speaker 05

  Undercover?

• 40:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, under the covers.

• 40:32Speaker 05

  Oh, this is kind of least-

• 40:34Andrew Santino?

  But I was above, but I'm, I can-

• 40:35Speaker 05

  You're, you're-

• 40:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:37Speaker 05

  And-

• 40:38Andrew Santino?

  And my mom walks in, and I was like, get, and I remember, I remember not knowing what to say, and I would never speak to my mother this way, but I remember thinking, I have to emote, get out, but I goes, get the fuck out! And I thought, why would, and my mom, to her credit, was like, oh my god, oh my god, and closed the door, and I thought, why would I ever say get the fuck out to my mom? Like, I would never talk like that to my mom, but I got so scared-

• 41:03Speaker 05

  Sure, you panicked, of course.

• 41:04Andrew Santino?

  I panicked, and then-

• 41:05Speaker 05

  It's like you think it's an achievement, you're like, ah!

• 41:07Andrew Santino?

  My girl was like, what the fuck, what the fuck, why wouldn't you lock the door, what the fuck? And I was like, I don't fucking know, I don't know, and then, we're like sitting there, and she's like, oh my fucking god, you have to go downstairs, past your fucking parents to leave. And I was like, alright, chill out, just, just hang, you know, we'll figure it out. And like ten minutes goes by, and I was like, well, we should, we should finish.

• 41:28Speaker 05

  You gotta finish, you gotta finish. With the damage is done, yeah.

• 41:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're already here, dude.

• 41:32Speaker 05

  You don't need any blue balls.

• 41:33Andrew Santino?

  We already bombed one school, we gotta take them all out. I was like, you know what, dude, let's finish it up, and then, she goes downstairs, I walk with her, and I'm trying to like, shield her from them, so she can get out the door as fast as possible, my mom is like, goodbye, and I was like, oh god, dude.

• 41:51Speaker 05

  Well, I wonder if, was she expecting an apology or something?

• 41:54Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, dude, I just think they were pissed off, because it was like-

• 41:57Speaker 05

  Don't ever curse at me.

• 41:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, my mom, well, my mom was mad about that, but it was also like the rule, in the Midwest at least, he knows, in Chicago, anywhere in the Midwest, you take that to the basement.

• 42:06Speaker 05

  Head in the basement.

• 42:07Andrew Santino?

  The basement, it's okay to get-

• 42:08Speaker 05

  Basement is dome.

• 42:09Andrew Santino?

  Basement's where you get dome, yeah.

• 42:10Speaker 05

  Basement's for the dome.

• 42:11Andrew Santino?

  If you wanna go fuck around, you go downstairs. You don't go upstairs, that's a no-no rule, dude, you can't do that, you go in the fucking basement.

• 42:18Speaker 05

  They sat you down and said this, they go, you wanted to crack her open, go ahead. We have, we have the, the fuck room down.

• 42:23Speaker 00

  Need fast hydration for the summer heat? Hydrate your wins with the new Liquid IV Sugar-Free Ring Pop Cherry. It's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving, reimagined as a zero-sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're spending the day in the heat, recovering after a workout, or just looking for an easy afternoon pick-me-up, Liquid IV makes hydration simple and delicious. Shop LiquidIV.com. Save with their Buy 3, Get 1 Free offer, and use promo code POD26. That's P-O-D-2-6. Let's be honest, you don't go to the family holiday gift exchange just to participate, you go to win. This year, get a gift that'll cause a stir.

• 43:08Speaker 00

  A KitchenAid Stand Mixer. It's not just an appliance, it's a present to help them with the making. Year after year, recipe after recipe, you're enabling the family to whip up new traditions. Tis your season to mix it up. Gift a KitchenAid Stand Mixer this year, and make more than meals.

• 43:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, my dad, my dad's like, I lit it up, I put lights, everything for you, little fucker?

• 43:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, we, we got the swing, we got Averton down there for you.

• 43:33Andrew Santino?

  Hey, dude, the basement was the get, but also the basement, as you walked up, had a sense of guilt, because everyone knew what was going on.

• 43:40Speaker 05

  Well, the basement's great, because you have steps, at least, so you'll hear the-

• 43:43Andrew Santino?

  You'll hear them coming.

• 43:44Speaker 05

  You'll hear, yeah.

• 43:45Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah.

• 43:46Speaker 05

  You have the little bell or whatever, your little trap bell.

• 43:48Andrew Santino?

  Put bell on your family members, that's mom's bell. Mom, get out of here!

• 43:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:53Andrew Santino?

  Now, did you have basements in Ireland? No.

• 43:55Speaker 05

  No, not at all.

• 43:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you don't have them.

• 43:57Speaker 05

  Just don't bother, no, we just-

• 43:58Andrew Santino?

  Well, you never had, there's no tornadoes.

• 43:59Speaker 05

  We're, we're an above-ground people.

• 44:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you really are.

• 44:01Speaker 05

  We're not like you guys, little, little, whatever, you went to Vietnam, you learned that you loved your little-

• 44:04Andrew Santino?

  Little tunnelers?

• 44:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:06Andrew Santino?

  We have basements just for tornadoes, that's the only reason why we have them.

• 44:08Speaker 06

  The Irish scene, like, they'd be underground.

• 44:10Andrew Santino?

  What's that, the Irish scene, like, they'd be underground, they're-

• 44:12Speaker 06

  Potatoes and stuff, they were down there with them.

• 44:14Speaker 05

  Is this what you do? Was this what you do?

• 44:16Speaker 06

  Well, I'm very Irish.

• 44:17Speaker 05

  You're drinking potatoes?

• 44:18Andrew Santino?

  He's not the brightest kid, he doesn't know much.

• 44:20Speaker 06

  I think I can say it, I'm pretty Irish.

• 44:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, his name is Mccone Corkery.

• 44:24Speaker 06

  Mccone Corkery.

• 44:25Speaker 05

  Well, I guess if you say it like that, it's definitely Irish. It's not the way, Mccone Corkery.

• 44:30Andrew Santino?

  Tell them your brothers' names.

• 44:31Speaker 06

  Seamus and Flanagan.

• 44:33Speaker 05

  Seamus and Flanagan?

• 44:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 44:35Speaker 05

  Oh my god, it's almost offensive.

• 44:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it is.

• 44:37Speaker 05

  It's almost like you're pitching a show in the eighties or something. What's your family name, the what? Mc what?

• 44:46Speaker 06

  Corkery is our last name.

• 44:47Speaker 05

  Corkery?

• 44:48Speaker 06

  C-O-R-K-E-R-Y.

• 44:49Andrew Santino?

  Corkery.

• 44:50Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 44:51Andrew Santino?

  His first name's Mccone, do you know any Mccones?

• 44:52Speaker 06

  That's also a family last name, so it's-

• 44:54Speaker 05

  It's, well, that's definitely a, a family name, but to go first is crazy. Mccone, I've never heard of a Mc, like, kind of anything to start with.

• 45:00Andrew Santino?

  I do love, I love this, that you're putting this actual Irish shutting down, because in his little head-

• 45:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:07Andrew Santino?

  He's like, I'm a real Irish American.

• 45:09Speaker 05

  I got a, I got a fake Mccone.

• 45:11Speaker 06

  I claim Minnesota.

• 45:12Speaker 05

  McSurly, my name is McSurly.

• 45:14Andrew Santino?

  McSurly, yeah.

• 45:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:16Andrew Santino?

  I was born in the pub.

• 45:17Speaker 05

  Uh-huh, hundred percent. When did your family come over?

• 45:20Speaker 06

  Uh, I think probably the eighteen twenties.

• 45:23Speaker 05

  Jesus, let it go. Let it go, buddy.

• 45:26Andrew Santino?

  That's a long time.

• 45:27Speaker 05

  That's way too long, eighteen twenties, and you guys are still coming up with shit.

• 45:30Andrew Santino?

  You're a great-grandparents.

• 45:31Speaker 05

  And you're still naming people Seamus?

• 45:32Speaker 06

  Oh yeah, you gotta keep, you gotta keep naming them Seamus.

• 45:36Speaker 05

  You gotta keep naming them Seamus.

• 45:38Andrew Santino?

  He's got a good, he's a good, they're a good family, they're good people.

• 45:41Speaker 05

  I'm sure.

• 45:42Speaker 06

  Good Irish. Keep it going, dude. Keep it coking.

• 45:46Speaker 05

  What about the parents, do you mind, you can, yeah, you let-

• 45:48Speaker 06

  My dad's named Keen.

• 45:49Speaker 05

  Keen?

• 45:50Speaker 06

  K-E-A-N.

• 45:51Speaker 05

  K-E-A-N?

• 45:52Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that C?

• 45:53Speaker 05

  Should be C-I-A-N.

• 45:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, C-I-A-N is Keen, right?

• 45:55Speaker 05

  It's not even the Irish way to spell it.

• 45:56Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 45:57Speaker 05

  But I know, I-

• 45:58Andrew Santino?

  I knew that, see?

• 45:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, you're a real Irish guy.

• 46:00Andrew Santino?

  See, thank you, dude.

• 46:01Speaker 05

  Not this fucking, not this pretend.

• 46:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's phony.

• 46:05Speaker 05

  Yeah, dress up.

• 46:06Speaker 06

  I'm, I'm, I'm a-

• 46:07Speaker 05

  You're a larping, you're a larping.

• 46:08Speaker 06

  I'm a, I'm a Midwesterner.

• 46:09Speaker 05

  You're a Midwest larping.

• 46:10Andrew Santino?

  And his mom's name is Tanisha, that's a weird, that's a curveball.

• 46:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:13Andrew Santino?

  It's a curveball, dude, yeah, you would've never saw that one.

• 46:16Speaker 06

  No, she's just Jane.

• 46:17Andrew Santino?

  She's black Irish.

• 46:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:19Andrew Santino?

  Jane, one of my favorite songs, Jefferson Starship, Jane.

• 46:23Speaker 05

  Nice.

• 46:24Andrew Santino?

  Jane is, Jane, uh, no, they're good people, all jokes aside, the Corkerries are good people. We love them very much.

• 46:30Speaker 05

  I like, yeah, Corkerries, nice.

• 46:31Andrew Santino?

  I'm excited for you to become a pop, I don't know if you're talking about that, but-

• 46:34Speaker 05

  Uh, yeah, we, it's just the next step, I'm married now, so you know, the kid-

• 46:37Andrew Santino?

  It's coming.

• 46:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, the kids are gonna come.

• 46:39Andrew Santino?

  Is she younger than you, your wife?

• 46:41Speaker 05

  Uh, by a month.

• 46:42Andrew Santino?

  How old are you?

• 46:43Speaker 05

  Thirty-six.

• 46:44Andrew Santino?

  Time.

• 46:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's time's ticking, dude. Yeah, I don't mind, you know, I'm happy to have them.

• 46:49Andrew Santino?

  If you don't have them, don't care?

• 46:50Speaker 05

  I think we would care.

• 46:52Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you would, yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 05

  I don't, I'm, I'm very, I guess I would have too much FOMO, I gotta do things, I gotta try it.

• 46:59Andrew Santino?

  You wanna, yeah.

• 47:00Speaker 05

  I gotta have at least a kid for a while. You know?

• 47:02Andrew Santino?

  Six or seven years.

• 47:03Speaker 05

  Just give it a couple of years.

• 47:05Andrew Santino?

  Give it up if it's no good?

• 47:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, some sort of return policy on a kid would be pretty solid.

• 47:09Andrew Santino?

  They should have those.

• 47:10Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:11Andrew Santino?

  I mean, you could just leave it somewhere, people do that all the time.

• 47:13Speaker 05

  I guess, you could sell it.

• 47:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 47:15Speaker 05

  You know, send them somewhere.

• 47:16Andrew Santino?

  Selling's tough now, because they're tracing everything now, so you just, you gotta leave it.

• 47:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:20Andrew Santino?

  Whenever I see that, when I go past a firehouse, and I always see like this safe space to drop kids, you know, they have those signs that say like, at firehouses, they're, they're, they're, um, they're safe houses for people that don't, that wanna give up their babies, you know?

• 47:31Speaker 05

  It used to be the thing, you would just drop it off in a basket, ding dong, and run away, yeah.

• 47:34Andrew Santino?

  And every time I see that sign, I think, how fucking sad, what a place that you're in, that you just, you're like, fuck it, I'm leaving it, I just, I can't do it, I'm just-

• 47:42Speaker 05

  Let me, let me drop it off at these drunks playing cards.

• 47:45Andrew Santino?

  I know, have you, my grandfather's a fireman.

• 47:46Speaker 05

  Like a poker house.

• 47:47Andrew Santino?

  You know, they're, they're lifting weights, talking shit, fist fighting.

• 47:50Speaker 05

  You know what they're doing in there? They're not reading in there, they're not reading in there.

• 47:52Andrew Santino?

  No, dude.

• 47:53Speaker 05

  The worst place alive.

• 47:55Andrew Santino?

  They're lifting weights, playing video games, talking shit-

• 47:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:58Andrew Santino?

  -trimming each other's mustaches, and then sixty-nining, that's all they're doing.

• 48:01Speaker 05

  They're showing photos of naked chicks to each other, go, check out this girl, I matched.

• 48:05Andrew Santino?

  We talked to the local fire station near my house, because there was a guy lighting shit on fire down the street, sweet, sweet, sweet man, homeless guy, barking at everybody, lighting shit on fire, so we called the fire-

• 48:16Speaker 05

  It's chilly in LA.

• 48:17Andrew Santino?

  Called the fire station, my wife's like, there's a man lighting shit on fire, and it's like causing little fires, just wanna let you guys know, because it's dry as fuck here, there's brush everywhere. Fireman was like, he was like, I heard him on the, I heard him on the other side, he's like, oh yeah? Did you call the cops? We're like, yeah, we couldn't get through to the non-emergency line, he was like, alright, we'll check it out. It's like, brother, your whole gig is fire, fire's your gig.

• 48:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're not-

• 48:42Andrew Santino?

  They don't give a fuck.

• 48:43Speaker 05

  They're, the job is like the, the mental toughness of not doing anything.

• 48:47Andrew Santino?

  Most of the day.

• 48:48Speaker 05

  Just all day, trying to distract yourself.

• 48:50Andrew Santino?

  Except for here, here they have to, here, when it's fire season, fucking the worst. And also, then they get called here, so if a homeless guy is lighting his asshole on fire under a bridge, they just have to show up with the cops and the EMTs.

• 49:02Speaker 05

  You guys have big fires out here?

• 49:04Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 49:05Speaker 05

  Not yet.

• 49:06Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:08Speaker 05

  Anyway.

• 49:08Andrew Santino?

  Where are you at? Are you in Queens?

• 49:10Speaker 05

  I'm in New Jersey, Jersey Shore.

• 49:11Andrew Santino?

  Went to the other side, huh?

• 49:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, I had to. That's where she's from.

• 49:14Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. So you went to, oh, you're close to her family?

• 49:16Speaker 05

  I went to the family. The deal was, she married a comedian who's not very successful, so I don't have any money, but we have to live with her family. So that's kind of the, that's kind of the deal.

• 49:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 49:27Speaker 05

  If I was successful, I could drag her to fucking Boise, Idaho, like I want to.

• 49:30Andrew Santino?

  That's where you want to be.

• 49:31Speaker 05

  I think Boise, Boise, Idaho, Idaho is great.

• 49:33Andrew Santino?

  It is good. Are you being facetious? No.

• 49:35Speaker 05

  No, I mean, it's truly one of the nicest places in the world.

• 49:39Andrew Santino?

  So don't let this leak. I actually love it.

• 49:41Speaker 05

  They have a little Basque region. The northern Spain shepherds, there was all these kids dragged to Boise in the 1900s because Boise is similar to northwest Spain.

• 49:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 49:53Speaker 05

  Landscape wise. So some guy realized it looked exactly the same. He drove, he went back, he drove. And he grabbed a bunch of kids who were shepherds, like just a bunch of, like a hundred of these, like 10 year olds.

• 50:04Andrew Santino?

  And raised them and.

• 50:05Speaker 05

  And dragged them to fucking Boise. And now years later, they have this like cool Basque region district.

• 50:10Andrew Santino?

  Spanish speaking kids?

• 50:11Speaker 05

  They don't speak Spanish, but they all, they, they teach, they had to eat the food, the culture, the music.

• 50:16Andrew Santino?

  That's pretty cool. You should tell Fancy about that. He'd fucking love that shit. Our producer's from Spain. He would love it. He's from western Spain, too.

• 50:22Speaker 05

  It depends on the, yeah, this is the thing, that people in Spain are like, they have like Catalonia and.

• 50:27Andrew Santino?

  No, he's from, um, he's from, uh, fuck, I can't, huh?

• 50:32Speaker 06

  He's there right now, though.

• 50:33Andrew Santino?

  No, he is there right now.

• 50:34Speaker 05

  He's back in Spain?

• 50:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's back in Spain, visiting his, uh, his family. With his little baby. Um, that's kind of, I do like Boise, I'm not gonna lie.

• 50:43Speaker 05

  I'm a mountain guy.

• 50:44Andrew Santino?

  Bert took us there.

• 50:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 50:45Andrew Santino?

  And we went and floated down the river.

• 50:46Speaker 05

  Oh, wow.

• 50:47Andrew Santino?

  And I'm not lying, dude. I was like, this is fucking incredible.

• 50:50Speaker 05

  This might be the best. Yeah, because you do imagine, you go, I'll be doing this every day.

• 50:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:54Speaker 05

  You go, I'd get into horse riding and, yeah, you imagine if you're out of place.

• 50:57Andrew Santino?

  Have my own farm.

• 50:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:58Andrew Santino?

  Louis had a joke about that, where you visit a town and you're like, I could live here.

• 51:04Speaker 05

  I was like that San Diego and, man, I'd be up at 5:00 AM, I'd be surfing every day.

• 51:08Andrew Santino?

  Surfing and running.

• 51:09Speaker 05

  My wife would be 20 years younger and, all these like imagining scenarios that just don't, I'd be shredded for some reason.

• 51:16Andrew Santino?

  Be fucking jacked as shit.

• 51:17Speaker 05

  I'd be.

• 51:18Andrew Santino?

  I'd own a, I'd own a CrossFit gym. I'd stand up at night.

• 51:21Speaker 05

  I got to Colorado, I was like, dude, I'd get into biking, mountain biking and I'd be shredded. Everywhere, everywhere I always imagine, I'm in the best shape of my life. If I lived here, I'd be jacked.

• 51:31Andrew Santino?

  Can't do it in Jersey.

• 51:32Speaker 05

  You can't. Too many cannolis. Too many hoagies.

• 51:37Andrew Santino?

  Did you go to the shore this summer?

• 51:39Speaker 05

  Actually haven't, no.

• 51:40Andrew Santino?

  Have you been down to the Jersey Shore?

• 51:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, I've been a few, yeah.

• 51:42Andrew Santino?

  That's a, that's a whole thing, dude.

• 51:44Speaker 05

  It's good, but we, we don't really, I like, I like the trashy Italian, you head down to a place called, like, there's a place called DJ's down the shore. And just, it's just, no one, it's like, no one cares about how bad it is almost, you know, it's like they embrace.

• 52:02Andrew Santino?

  It's a part of the beauty.

• 52:03Speaker 05

  We're getting drunk, we're doing bad coke, we're fucking gonna, you know, I'm gonna make out with my, my boyfriend's brother, yeah.

• 52:11Andrew Santino?

  My brother.

• 52:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna fight, I'm gonna gel my hair back like an absolute dickhead.

• 52:15Andrew Santino?

  It's the only place you can still get that.

• 52:17Speaker 05

  It's awesome.

• 52:18Andrew Santino?

  You can get some of that in like, South Florida. There's some places where it's got that, but not like the Jersey Shore.

• 52:23Speaker 05

  This, this like toxic Italian.

• 52:28Speaker 05

  It's like a toxic Italian energy is great.

• 52:30Andrew Santino?

  You like that?

• 52:31Speaker 05

  It's so good.

• 52:31Andrew Santino?

  That's much better than like, when people go to like the Cape or Martha's Vineyard. You're like, that's fucking boring.

• 52:36Speaker 05

  I love it. I love a lobster roll, but you, you.

• 52:39Andrew Santino?

  You need the trash.

• 52:40Speaker 05

  The lack of STDs up there really affects, there's not enough crazy guys with syphilis.

• 52:45Andrew Santino?

  Dude, that's how you know it's bad down there in Jersey, when you go, when I drove in to do, uh, Borgata or whatever, they had those billboards for STD checks. It was like gonorrhea's at an all time high. You're like, holy shit, dude.

• 52:54Speaker 05

  Big comeback on gonorrhea.

• 52:57Andrew Santino?

  Well, what do they say? We saw one for super, it was like super chlamydia, super gonorrhea, or do you know this? And like, the, there was a billboard, it was like, it's gotten stronger. It, there is a super gonorrhea or super chlamydia.

• 53:09Speaker 05

  That's so fun.

• 53:10Speaker 06

  Super gonorrhea.

• 53:10Andrew Santino?

  Super gonorrhea. And the pills can't beat it.

• 53:14Speaker 05

  They can't.

• 53:14Andrew Santino?

  It's stronger.

• 53:15Speaker 06

  Drug resistant gonorrhea.

• 53:16Andrew Santino?

  Drug resistant, dude. That's how good they're getting at the shore.

• 53:19Speaker 05

  I'd, I'd love to know the science behind this, but like, there was like essentially.

• 53:23Andrew Santino?

  Cause it's, cause it's, it's mutated.

• 53:25Speaker 05

  Someone's gonorrhea mutated.

• 53:27Andrew Santino?

  Gonorrhea and they.

• 53:28Speaker 05

  They just.

• 53:29Andrew Santino?

  Super gonorrhea, dude. Fucking, you think you can fucking kill me, penicillin, dude? Super gonorrhea. You'll never take me down, penicillin. Get the fuck out of here, dude. He's got his hair slicked back. It's cool gonorrhea, dude.

• 53:43Speaker 05

  That's awesome. I got super gonorrhea. I gotta, to be honest, I got super gonorrhea. You'd have to text people.

• 53:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it'd be cool.

• 53:50Speaker 05

  I gotta, I, I'm so sorry, I just found out I have super gonorrhea.

• 53:53Andrew Santino?

  You say it positively, you're like, I think you should get tested, some girl you slept with. She's like, why? You're like, I think we got super gonorrhea. She's like, holy fucking shit. We got the super one?

• 54:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, wagyu gonorrhea.

• 54:04Andrew Santino?

  I got Nobu gonorrhea. That's so funny that you saying that, you and Louis went to Nobu and he wore a cutoff shirt. This is like, that's exactly what he should do.

• 54:11Speaker 05

  I loved it. One of the best meals I've ever had in my life, actually.

• 54:13Andrew Santino?

  Nobu? Was it here or in New York?

• 54:15Speaker 05

  It was here.

• 54:16Andrew Santino?

  Here, yeah, the one on the beach?

• 54:18Speaker 05

  I don't know where.

• 54:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you'd have known if it was on the beach.

• 54:20Speaker 05

  I don't think it was on the beach, no.

• 54:21Andrew Santino?

  There's one in La Cienega, there's one in the city. The, the nice one is on the water. It's, it's absurdist. It's like a, it's like an entourage scene.

• 54:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:29Andrew Santino?

  Where you're like, what? This is absurd.

• 54:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:32Andrew Santino?

  I'm eating fish over the ocean, where, and everyone's house is burnt down.

• 54:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 54:37Andrew Santino?

  That's where we do the best.

• 54:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, just enjoy the aftermath of suffering.

• 54:42Andrew Santino?

  We do, I mean, and we're never gonna fix it. Now we just approved, the city council just approved, uh, 10 to 3 that homeless encampments are legal again.

• 54:49Speaker 06

  We're so bad.

• 54:49Andrew Santino?

  Set up tent, dude.

• 54:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, what are we doing with all these homeless guys? What are we gonna?

• 54:53Andrew Santino?

  Well.

• 54:54Speaker 05

  We gotta ship them somewhere.

• 54:54Andrew Santino?

  Years ago, we tried. LA shipped them out to the desert. We've talked about this. They, they put them on a bus and they got in trouble.

• 54:59Speaker 05

  It's tough because it is kidnapping.

• 55:01Andrew Santino?

  It is.

• 55:01Speaker 05

  But.

• 55:02Speaker 06

  It's trafficking.

• 55:03Andrew Santino?

  It's trafficking, yeah.

• 55:04Speaker 05

  But they smell so bad, that I do believe there's a, there's like a cutoff point.

• 55:09Andrew Santino?

  Hygiene level two?

• 55:10Speaker 05

  Where, yeah, there's almost like a, it's like a smell pollution. It's like a noise where you, you lose your human rights because it's icky.

• 55:19Andrew Santino?

  Uh, oh, your icky, your ickiness takes away your rights.

• 55:21Speaker 05

  I do, yes, yeah. It's sad because I, I know it's morally wrong, but there is a, there's a fucking smell to the point where you go, alright buddy, you're not allowed to be part of this community anymore.

• 55:31Andrew Santino?

  Or we just have a mobile shower. We just shower people off. We're like, you can stay here.

• 55:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, some sort of a.

• 55:35Andrew Santino?

  We're gonna spritz you down.

• 55:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, and nice hosing.

• 55:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 55:38Speaker 05

  Yeah. A decent sort of, sort of a hosing.

• 55:40Andrew Santino?

  Like it's prison in the 40s?

• 55:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:42Andrew Santino?

  Dilow some.

• 55:43Speaker 05

  Well, we got, we probably have a lot of those hoses left over from.

• 55:46Andrew Santino?

  Civil rights movement?

• 55:47Speaker 05

  Jim Crow era.

• 55:47Andrew Santino?

  They gotta be around somewhere.

• 55:48Speaker 05

  That we could whip them out.

• 55:50Andrew Santino?

  Some collector has those.

• 55:51Speaker 05

  No vintage.

• 55:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a Jim Crow hose. Have you got a similar Jim Crow hose?

• 55:58Speaker 05

  See that photo? Same hose. There's just like some protester getting mauled, yeah.

• 56:01Andrew Santino?

  Just getting worked.

• 56:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, honestly, that's my only problem with homeless people is the stench.

• 56:07Andrew Santino?

  The stench?

• 56:07Speaker 05

  I don't know what to, I.

• 56:08Andrew Santino?

  But where you are, you don't get a lot of homeless down there in Jersey?

• 56:11Speaker 05

  Not in Jersey, no, but when you're in the city, you get them, yeah.

• 56:12Andrew Santino?

  When you go to the city, it's a different world.

• 56:13Speaker 05

  Yeah. They should be, they should be in the, down to Jersey.

• 56:16Andrew Santino?

  It's way nicer down there.

• 56:17Speaker 05

  It's just it's hard to walk around, you know, it's hard to walk around. It's not a walkable.

• 56:20Andrew Santino?

  It's hard to get your needs. I think about that sometimes, if I'm on the highway and I'm passing an underpass and I go, that'd be a good place. If I ever got homeless, I'd go there, because there's a grocery store right down that hill. You think about the resources, you're like, where would I go to get the thing? I have my bridge picked out.

• 56:32Speaker 05

  You, you do?

• 56:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, if it all falls apart in LA, I have my bridge. Kind of excited about my bridge.

• 56:36Speaker 05

  Interesting.

• 56:37Andrew Santino?

  Can't tell you where it is.

• 56:37Speaker 05

  I think I'd rather go somewhere small and be the, I'd be like, you know, be the big fish in a small pond.

• 56:43Andrew Santino?

  Ah, the big stinky fish.

• 56:45Speaker 05

  Yeah. Go somewhere where there's no homeless people.

• 56:48Andrew Santino?

  Where would you go? Boise?

• 56:49Speaker 05

  Maybe Boise, maybe Boise. But then I think Boise, I would just like, I would, my thing was I'd learn the best way to fly fish or something, and then I'd just be a fly fish.

• 56:58Andrew Santino?

  And, and people would like hire you to teach them how to?

• 57:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:01Andrew Santino?

  You'd become very successful as a fly fish?

• 57:03Speaker 05

  I'm just, I'm just too, too much of a winner to be homeless. I think I'd do it for a while and then I'd just be a millionaire again.

• 57:09Andrew Santino?

  Just got over it, yeah, just be a multimillionaire. It'd be funny to be the stinky Irish guy in Boise.

• 57:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:14Andrew Santino?

  I mean, what, what?

• 57:15Speaker 05

  I think they'd like me.

• 57:15Andrew Santino?

  The talk of the town, though.

• 57:16Speaker 05

  I think they'd like me.

• 57:17Andrew Santino?

  Have you seen the stinky homeless Irish guy who fly fishes?

• 57:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 57:20Andrew Santino?

  He's incredible. He used to be a comedian.

• 57:21Speaker 05

  Worst fly fish you've ever met.

• 57:23Andrew Santino?

  Just casting into the street. You're like, you know, he's nowhere near the water.

• 57:27Speaker 05

  That fish was attached to the.

• 57:29Andrew Santino?

  The rod the whole time.

• 57:30Speaker 05

  Give me some money. I'm wasted piss in my pants. Alright.

• 57:35Andrew Santino?

  I'm so dumb. Uh, I, I, I, there's a comic, Amir, Kay, Amir. Amir goes fishing like every day. He goes out here.

• 57:42Speaker 05

  Here?

• 57:42Andrew Santino?

  And goes fish. He's like, I bring back such great fish. And I'm always like, there's fish right there. And he was like, yeah, dude, it's the fucking ocean. And my brain was like, yeah, but I just don't see people fishing out there in my mind. I'm like, that's not where it happens. You know how like, if you don't, you don't want to know where it is?

• 57:57Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 57:57Andrew Santino?

  It's like the hot dog, you're like, what's in it? I don't fucking, they have, it does it down there. Like, somebody showed me a video, this is crazy, you could find this, of like an old meat factory, and they had slits on the ground, like slates, slated boards. And after they cut all the meat and everything, what they swept between the slates that went down, carried in a trough, and that became packaged store meat for like hot dog meat and all that stuff. And you're like, oh.

• 58:21Speaker 05

  The hot, the hot dog's just whatever's left over, right?

• 58:24Andrew Santino?

  It used to be. I think now it's different.

• 58:26Speaker 06

  I feel like this is just so much. It's like, it's like a piece of American folklore now, the hot dog origin. It's like the, it's like the pink stuff that was in a McNugget. Like, that's not real.

• 58:34Andrew Santino?

  Right. What do they say? Lips and assholes was the old joke.

• 58:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, it says, hot dogs do not get slit cuts in modern meat factories. Factories cook it inside temporary cases in specialized machines called a beeler.

• 58:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's all legit now. But the old days.

• 58:45Speaker 05

  But it's probably, it's probably less healthy now.

• 58:48Speaker 06

  It's probably less healthy, exactly.

• 58:50Speaker 05

  Like the, whatever they've replaced it with is actually more cost efficient than the fucking leftovers on the floor.

• 58:56Andrew Santino?

  For 100%.

• 58:56Speaker 05

  They haven't like said, like, that was bad. They said that was costing us too much money.

• 59:00Andrew Santino?

  It was expensive.

• 59:01Speaker 05

  Let's, let's, let's put something worse than that in.

• 59:03Andrew Santino?

  100%. How do we find a chemical that tastes like floorboards?

• 59:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:07Andrew Santino?

  And we'll manufacture that, and then we'll sell it to these idiots.

• 59:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:11Andrew Santino?

  That is true. I had three hot dogs at the Cubs game the other day, too, and I thought, we, I can't not, I don't care at what, any point, it's like, it's like this.

• 59:21Andrew Santino?

  It's like, yeah, dude, I like to eat healthy. And then sometimes you're like, okay, I'm here.

• 59:25Speaker 05

  You got it. Yeah, that's, yeah.

• 59:26Andrew Santino?

  I'm not gonna have a hot dog, and then I have to have two. And when you have two, you're like, I could do three. I could do three, whatever. Who gives a shit?

• 59:32Speaker 05

  Have you ever tried a nine-nine?

• 59:33Andrew Santino?

  I never did a nine-nine-nine. I'm a, I, I, oh, I could do that. I'll tell you this. I could easily do the nine beers in nine innings. That I can do.

• 59:40Speaker 05

  Legend.

• 59:40Andrew Santino?

  Because I've done that.

• 59:41Speaker 05

  Easy.

• 59:42Andrew Santino?

  But the nine dogs is so hard.

• 59:43Speaker 05

  The nine dogs get you. And it's so much salt. It's just so much salt.

• 59:48Andrew Santino?

  Five.

• 59:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:49Andrew Santino?

  Five is a fuckload. With, but he'd finished the nine beer, so he kept with the beers, but he goes, dude, I can't have another piece of, I can't do the food. The food is nauseating.

• 59:56Speaker 05

  Yeah, the food is just a nightmare.

• 59:57Andrew Santino?

  But nine-nine-nine, I think, this kid might be able to do it.

• 59:59Speaker 06

  I had eight hot dogs at Walt's one night. The pinball bar.

• 1:00:02Andrew Santino?

  He's disgusting. He could do it.

• 1:00:03Speaker 05

  You're just like randomly dropping eight dogs.

• 1:00:05Speaker 06

  I ate three, and then someone was like, that's a lot. And I was like, I wonder how many I can eat. I think I still got some room. And I just pushing, I wanted to get to ten, and then they, they ran out of hot dogs.

• 1:00:15Speaker 05

  They cut you off. They cut you off.

• 1:00:17Andrew Santino?

  By ten, they said, hey, buddy. You've had enough.

• 1:00:20Speaker 05

  Don't make a scene before I get you an Uber.

• 1:00:24Andrew Santino?

  We had a guy in college, they had dollar taco night, Taco Tuesdays at Del Taco. And we were like, who could eat the most? And I knew I wasn't, tacos weren't gonna be my thing. Pieces of pizza, slices of pizza, I could fuck up almost anybody.

• 1:00:34Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:00:35Andrew Santino?

  Give me a little bit of weed and a couple of sodas.

• 1:00:37Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:37Andrew Santino?

  Dude, see you later. I could fucking eat two larges on my own. Easy. I've smoked a couple in my day. But this dude was like Taco Tuesday, and he was like, over-under on me eating twelve. I was like, twelve tacos is absurd. That's so many tacos.

• 1:00:51Speaker 05

  Well, I did a little, the, the reg, like a little.

• 1:00:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're little, but twelve is a lot, dude.

• 1:00:55Speaker 05

  Those add up.

• 1:00:55Andrew Santino?

  He got eighteen down.

• 1:00:57Speaker 05

  Nice.

• 1:00:57Andrew Santino?

  Eighteen down. We all had to owe him money on it. And I thought eighteen was absurd. He died shortly thereafter.

• 1:01:02Speaker 05

  Uh-huh, of course.

• 1:01:03Andrew Santino?

  But eighteen tacos.

• 1:01:04Speaker 05

  There's a limit.

• 1:01:05Andrew Santino?

  I'd be willing to try a nine-nine-nine with you.

• 1:01:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, we, we, we, a few comics from New York did it one time.

• 1:01:10Andrew Santino?

  At Yankees?

• 1:01:11Speaker 05

  Eh, no, we went down to Philly.

• 1:01:13Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you went down?

• 1:01:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, went down, Shane, um,

• 1:01:19Speaker 05

  Gillis, I think his name is.

• 1:01:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's his last name, yeah.

• 1:01:21Speaker 05

  Do you know him?

• 1:01:22Andrew Santino?

  Gillis? Shane?

• 1:01:24Speaker 05

  I think it's Shane.

• 1:01:25Andrew Santino?

  The tires guy?

• 1:01:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:01:26Andrew Santino?

  I know him.

• 1:01:27Speaker 05

  He's big in this country, I guess. Anyway.

• 1:01:29Andrew Santino?

  Here?

• 1:01:30Speaker 05

  Yeah. I've never heard of him.

• 1:01:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, he's done some stuff.

• 1:01:32Speaker 05

  But I know a guy.

• 1:01:33Andrew Santino?

  So what, him, O'Connor, Tommy Pope, I guess?

• 1:01:35Speaker 05

  Exactly. And we all went down, did the nine-nine-nine challenge. And it was, the food was the hardest thing.

• 1:01:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:42Speaker 05

  But just the combination of all the, I, I, and I did, I completed the challenge.

• 1:01:46Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you.

• 1:01:47Speaker 05

  Completed it. Get, get like a group photo. And then like in a hot dog haze, I went to the bathroom and puked everywhere.

• 1:01:55Andrew Santino?

  Of course.

• 1:01:56Speaker 05

  Worst, also, when I puke, I don't know what it is. I'm like, not logical about it. And so I went to the ba, we're in a box, but like, like an executive box. So it's like the fucking.

• 1:02:06Andrew Santino?

  You're in a suite?

• 1:02:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like the CEO of some gambling fucking company, you know, all these like whatever. And I rented the bathroom and I got, I puked in the sink.

• 1:02:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh, dude.

• 1:02:16Speaker 05

  I don't know why I didn't.

• 1:02:16Andrew Santino?

  Toilet's right there.

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, I just, I don't like getting down on my knees in a bathroom. It's not my.

• 1:02:22Andrew Santino?

  Only at school as a young boy?

• 1:02:25Speaker 05

  The flashbacks are, yeah. If I'm not getting an Xbox out of it.

• 1:02:28Andrew Santino?

  Flattery!

• 1:02:31Andrew Santino?

  That's crazy, dude. Puked in the sink. Did you clean it out?

• 1:02:35Speaker 05

  I puked in the sink and it just blocked it. Just filled it up, right? So then I was trying to like, and I'm panicking too, because you know, you're in this suite that's like, you know, I love shit. Jenny Ortega and all these like psychos there. So then I, I'm just like spooning.

• 1:02:48Andrew Santino?

  Oh, bro.

• 1:02:49Speaker 05

  I'm like spooning the sink into the.

• 1:02:52Andrew Santino?

  Into the trash can?

• 1:02:53Speaker 05

  Toilet, yeah. A real animal. And so then I started using the tissues.

• 1:02:57Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:02:57Speaker 05

  To the, I, no, I started putting into the.

• 1:03:00Andrew Santino?

  Resourceful guy.

• 1:03:00Speaker 05

  I couldn't, it, it, I couldn't get the cupping right. So I, I got the trash can and started putting into the trash can.

• 1:03:06Andrew Santino?

  Of course.

• 1:03:06Speaker 05

  So, the whole thing's clean. The, the sink is blocked, but it's all clean. And then, and now the trash can is just like overflowing in my sink. So I pull out, I pick up the bag, and I'm like, I'll just throw it in another, I'll just throw it in another spot. I pick up the bag, it burst all over the floor, and I just walked away. And then said, that's.

• 1:03:25Andrew Santino?

  That's when you walk out and you go, somebody puked in the bathroom.

• 1:03:27Speaker 05

  Someone, I tried to help, but I don't know what. Yeah. And then they close off the whole situation.

• 1:03:33Andrew Santino?

  For you.

• 1:03:34Speaker 05

  And I was like, I don't know who that, I looked, there's a big puke all down my chest.

• 1:03:37Andrew Santino?

  You nine-nine-nined.

• 1:03:38Speaker 05

  Well, I did, and then it was nine, nine, eight, and then it was nine, nine, seven. Each one, yeah.

• 1:03:44Andrew Santino?

  Hot, hot dogs with a bun?

• 1:03:45Speaker 05

  The hot, with the bun, the whole thing.

• 1:03:47Andrew Santino?

  Nothing on them?

• 1:03:48Speaker 05

  Eh, I just did, eh, ketchup mustard, that's it.

• 1:03:50Andrew Santino?

  That's it.

• 1:03:50Speaker 05

  Bang. Yeah, lobbed them in.

• 1:03:52Andrew Santino?

  What did O'Connor get to? Do you remember?

• 1:03:54Speaker 05

  He, he did the whole thing. He did them. But he did it reverse. I think he just did the nine dogs immediately. If I remember correctly, he just did the, he, he did a nine and nine, rather than like a kind of a pacing out.

• 1:04:06Andrew Santino?

  It's interesting.

• 1:04:06Speaker 05

  If I remember correctly.

• 1:04:07Andrew Santino?

  I wonder what the best math is. I bet you if you eat the dogs, if you eat the dogs first.

• 1:04:14Andrew Santino?

  Because I imagine when you get beer swollen, you can't put any food on that. So you might as well eat the dogs first and then try to slosh it with beer.

• 1:04:20Speaker 05

  I think you gotta eat the dogs, sit for like forty-five minutes.

• 1:04:23Andrew Santino?

  And then just chug.

• 1:04:24Speaker 05

  And then, yeah. And then Foley, H. Foley from.

• 1:04:28Andrew Santino?

  Well, he probably did eighteen, eighteen, nine.

• 1:04:30Speaker 05

  He did nine on the Uber there.

• 1:04:34Speaker 05

  He, he did a little pregame.

• 1:04:35Andrew Santino?

  That dude's the man.

• 1:04:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, but like.

• 1:04:37Andrew Santino?

  He probably knocked it out.

• 1:04:38Speaker 05

  At one point, he was crushing. And then, because I guess he was probably on a diet at the time too. So then this was his like guilt free. Well, it's a competition, baby. I gotta, you know.

• 1:04:47Andrew Santino?

  Gotta win.

• 1:04:47Speaker 05

  We look over, he was eating like chicken fingers, and he, like, he was adding in burgers to the thing. A little side quest in there.

• 1:04:54Andrew Santino?

  Nine-nine-nine for a guy his size is no big deal.

• 1:04:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:56Andrew Santino?

  What does it say?

• 1:04:56Speaker 06

  It says just doing it like a marathon, like a keep it very consistent, one beer and one hot dog per inning. Don't overload it, because it could lead to cramps and early burnout.

• 1:05:06Andrew Santino?

  Ah, see, the early burnout. I would, see, that's what I would think.

• 1:05:09Speaker 05

  You gotta drink your electrolytes if you're gonna.

• 1:05:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:12Speaker 05

  Yeah. I guess there's a chat. It's not really something I wanna get good at, either.

• 1:05:16Andrew Santino?

  No. It was like a, a, Edward Forty Hands. Did you ever do that?

• 1:05:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:20Andrew Santino?

  Like, I knew guys in college that could wreck, you know what that is?

• 1:05:22Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 1:05:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I knew guys that could wreck that. And I hated malt liquor.

• 1:05:26Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:05:26Andrew Santino?

  So I was always like, well, I don't even wanna be good at this.

• 1:05:28Speaker 05

  No, it's not a scale I want.

• 1:05:29Andrew Santino?

  But, but, but, but I knew guys that could just smash it and then be done, beat everybody.

• 1:05:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:34Andrew Santino?

  And then go back to regular life. And I was like, I can't, I, it made me, just the smell of malt liquor made me nauseous.

• 1:05:41Speaker 05

  I, I had a guy came to a show one time, and I was just like, you know, meeting people afterwards. And he was wearing like a, a food competition shirt that he'd won or whatever. And I was like, what's the shirt? He's like, oh, I, like, I tried to do these food challenges. And he's like, I was part of like an oyster competition. And I was like, I've, I've never been more horrified. Like of all the things in the world, it's like, you know, like the, what's the Joey Chestnuts, like the hot dog thing? But it was a bunch of slobs slurping. Oysters, like, like, see if you can get fifty oysters down in ten minutes. It's like, what is the, this, no one wins.

• 1:06:13Andrew Santino?

  No one wins.

• 1:06:14Speaker 05

  I knew you were wearing the shirt, like, this is awesome.

• 1:06:17Andrew Santino?

  No, nobody wins.

• 1:06:17Speaker 05

  I've never been more revolted by anything.

• 1:06:19Andrew Santino?

  Well, dude, so funny, I think I'm, I'm off oysters now. I think I'm done because of the, the Gibson's thing.

• 1:06:24Speaker 05

  What's that?

• 1:06:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh, bro, this is crazy. You know Gibson Steakhouse? Do you know what that is?

• 1:06:27Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:06:29Andrew Santino?

  Gibson's, Google this. A guy ate oysters like a month ago, and he slipped into a fucking coma. Because there was a crazy bacteria. This is nuts, dude.

• 1:06:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, a high-profile lawsuit was filed against Gibson's Bar and Steakhouse.

• 1:06:43Speaker 05

  Plot?

• 1:06:44Speaker 06

  In Oak Brook, Illinois, alleging that the contaminated raw oysters consumed there on June thirtieth causes severe bacterial infection, cardiac arrest, and permanent brain damage in a forty-four-year-old customer.

• 1:06:53Speaker 05

  Oh, he has brain damage?

• 1:06:54Andrew Santino?

  Dude, he's alive, he's alive with brain damage. He got out of the coma now. He's fine now.

• 1:06:58Speaker 06

  He had cardiac arrest and bacterial infection.

• 1:07:00Andrew Santino?

  From the oysters.

• 1:07:01Speaker 06

  Permanent brain damage.

• 1:07:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, brother, you're eating raw sea creature.

• 1:07:03Speaker 06

  It's not worth it.

• 1:07:04Speaker 05

  You know what, though? I, I, I.

• 1:07:06Andrew Santino?

  Oysters aren't good enough for that.

• 1:07:07Speaker 05

  But I truly believe in this weird, almost like divine situation where it's like, none of that, nothing like, nothing stupid like that's ever happened to me. So it's like, I kinda don't feel like.

• 1:07:18Andrew Santino?

  It's never gonna happen to you.

• 1:07:19Speaker 05

  No, I've never felt falling off a cliff. Do you ever see people, idiots falling off cliffs and stuff? And you go, what a moron.

• 1:07:24Andrew Santino?

  Darwinism. I mean, that's because people got too close to the edge.

• 1:07:26Speaker 05

  Darwinism, but this is also like just divine.

• 1:07:29Speaker 06

  This is random.

• 1:07:29Andrew Santino?

  You think he deserves it?

• 1:07:30Speaker 05

  I think he might have been a little bit brain damaged already. Like the way weed can bring out psychosis, like underlying the, I think this guy had an underlying coma.

• 1:07:38Andrew Santino?

  It was, it was gonna come one way or another.

• 1:07:40Speaker 05

  I just, I can't imagine a bacteria doing that to me. It seems a little.

• 1:07:43Andrew Santino?

  You're too tough for that.

• 1:07:44Speaker 05

  A little, yeah.

• 1:07:45Andrew Santino?

  It is true, like.

• 1:07:45Speaker 05

  I don't wash my hands, ever.

• 1:07:47Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 1:07:47Speaker 05

  Refuse to. It's a big, that's a sigh up, for sure.

• 1:07:51Andrew Santino?

  Washing your hands?

• 1:07:52Speaker 05

  I think hygiene is like a, like a marketing ploy.

• 1:07:55Andrew Santino?

  You're the one that talked about sneaky homeless guys, and you're talking about hygiene being.

• 1:07:57Speaker 05

  Well, they smell is like a fact, but like, like germs that I can't see. All right, buddy. Relax. I'll buy your soap, because it's like socially.

• 1:08:07Andrew Santino?

  After you shit, you're gonna wash your hands?

• 1:08:08Speaker 05

  Oh, definitely, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:09Andrew Santino?

  Okay, well, that's, what do you mean? That's the same thing? Like, I don't wash my hands after I pee.

• 1:08:14Speaker 05

  I wash my hands because my hands, I don't want my hands smelling like shit. But I don't think there's like.

• 1:08:18Andrew Santino?

  Or if there's food on my fingers, I hate.

• 1:08:19Speaker 05

  But like, yeah, but if I picked, I, I'll pick up old dry shit and like control it at some, but I don't want it on my hands, yeah. I think that's fine.

• 1:08:27Andrew Santino?

  Fucking mind.

• 1:08:28Speaker 05

  I think that's okay.

• 1:08:29Speaker 06

  Like actual shit?

• 1:08:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, like, you know, do you ever just see old gr, white dog shit on the ground?

• 1:08:34Andrew Santino?

  And talking at someone?

• 1:08:35Speaker 06

  Pick it up.

• 1:08:36Speaker 05

  Hmm? You do, it's good luck.

• 1:08:38Andrew Santino?

  Irish.

• 1:08:39Speaker 05

  She says he's Irish.

• 1:08:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're not Irish, dude. You don't know shit. Corkery. We're gonna have to strip your fucking name, dude. The, oh, in Ireland, we pick up the dog shit.

• 1:08:46Speaker 05

  No, I, I, I'm hygienic to the point where I will wash my hands and stuff like that.

• 1:08:50Andrew Santino?

  Your wife's probably got something to say about that.

• 1:08:51Speaker 05

  It's probably blown out of proportion.

• 1:08:52Andrew Santino?

  I think some of it is, like pee, uh, pee, after you pee is the, I think Seinfeld had that bit where he's like, why am I washing my hands after I pee?

• 1:08:58Speaker 05

  Sure, yeah.

• 1:08:59Andrew Santino?

  My penis has never touched anything all day. It's clean. My hands have touched nonsense all day. We should wash your hands before you pee, when I, when I touch my penis.

• 1:09:06Speaker 06

  Carlin would talk about that too. He's like, I don't wash my hands after I shit unless I shit on them.

• 1:09:10Speaker 05

  All the greats have bits about not washing their hands.

• 1:09:13Andrew Santino?

  When we're, when we're one of them. I don't wash my hands unless I shit on them.

• 1:09:16Speaker 05

  Splashback's a big thing too. You know, you don't realize until you're pissing with your shorts.

• 1:09:20Andrew Santino?

  It gets feel on your legs.

• 1:09:22Speaker 05

  Feel it on your shin. So you go, my, the shin area of my jeans must be all, all piss.

• 1:09:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, these are all piss pants. From here down is.

• 1:09:29Speaker 05

  It must be like, you must be carrying around like a pound.

• 1:09:32Andrew Santino?

  I have piss socks on. These are four piss.

• 1:09:34Speaker 05

  They, okay, nice.

• 1:09:35Andrew Santino?

  I soak them in piss before I leave, so that way it's, you know.

• 1:09:38Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, they're like a darn tough.

• 1:09:41Speaker 05

  What's the, eh, the wall, the, the alpaca wall?

• 1:09:44Andrew Santino?

  Alpaca, yeah.

• 1:09:45Speaker 05

  Or whatever they call it. Are you tired of your socks not catching enough of your piss?

• 1:09:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. These are gonna catch all of your piss.

• 1:09:53Speaker 05

  Really soak the piss up.

• 1:09:54Andrew Santino?

  It is true, when you feel that on your ankles, you're like, oh my god.

• 1:09:56Speaker 05

  I think if a woman found out how much we splash back onto our legs, they'd be fucked. There'd be a whole thing going on.

• 1:10:03Andrew Santino?

  Show, give, uh, show, take a woman once into a men's bathroom and show them the floor around a urinal, it's hysterical.

• 1:10:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:09Andrew Santino?

  The amount of piss on the floor is comical. Some of it looks like people just deliberately peed on the floor.

• 1:10:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, but had you ever been the guy who? Made a mess. Have you never been the guy who's made a mess and you go, fuck it?

• 1:10:21Andrew Santino?

  I have not missed a urinal.

• 1:10:23Speaker 05

  No, but it's like you pull out your, you, you, you, you pull it out and you're kind of, you're pissing before you get it aimed.

• 1:10:28Andrew Santino?

  No, it's insane. I don't even know what you're talking about.

• 1:10:30Speaker 05

  It starts before, he gets it. Irish, now he's Irish.

• 1:10:34Andrew Santino?

  Alright, he's back.

• 1:10:35Speaker 05

  Now he's back on board.

• 1:10:36Andrew Santino?

  But uh. He was off, now he's back.

• 1:10:38Speaker 05

  No, if something happens, you get, something gets snagged somewhere, so it goes the wrong direction and then you go, fuck.

• 1:10:46Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:10:46Speaker 05

  Never been that guy? In your life, you've done, you've never made any piss.

• 1:10:50Andrew Santino?

  Remember when I was a little boy, yeah.

• 1:10:51Speaker 05

  Alright, well, you know what I'm talking about. In your, in your grown up.

• 1:10:54Andrew Santino?

  When I'm a grow, as grown up now, no.

• 1:10:57Speaker 05

  See, this is the problem with having a successful career is that you can't be honest to the people.

• 1:11:00Andrew Santino?

  You can't piss on the floor anymore.

• 1:11:01Speaker 05

  This will, this will cause you, this will cause you a role. You're thinking.

• 1:11:04Andrew Santino?

  Oh no, dude, I got a lot of flack one time and I said I peed in the sink on airplanes. People got so fucking mad at me. People got so fucking mad at that. Well, because here's why.

• 1:11:11Speaker 05

  Tell me, please.

• 1:11:12Andrew Santino?

  Some of the, some of the, some of the airplanes, some of like the smaller ones, like the regional jets. Uh, you were the same height.

• 1:11:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:19Andrew Santino?

  The ceiling's like this, so your arched head.

• 1:11:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:21Andrew Santino?

  Like you can't stand up to pee and you're too far from the toilet. The sink was like right there and so I just turned, I pissed right in that thing and I thought, I gotta do this every time.

• 1:11:31Speaker 05

  This is, are you like life hacking, made a video?

• 1:11:33Andrew Santino?

  Dude, it was incredible. And people on the internet were like, fuck it, no, it's disgusting. I was like, I didn't do it every time.

• 1:11:38Speaker 05

  Yeah, but again, it's not really bad. Like, I get it's bad, but it's like.

• 1:11:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's not gonna do anything to you.

• 1:11:43Speaker 05

  If I come in then next.

• 1:11:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're not touching the bowl.

• 1:11:46Speaker 05

  If anything, it's like, soap, it's cleaned so fast. Then that's where the soap gets washed into. It's gotta be, it's gotta be, actually, it's probably a bit more hygienic.

• 1:11:54Andrew Santino?

  Thank you.

• 1:11:54Speaker 05

  Because there's soap in it.

• 1:11:55Andrew Santino?

  You heard it.

• 1:11:56Speaker 05

  It's a little backwards, sure.

• 1:11:57Andrew Santino?

  Yes, see?

• 1:11:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:59Andrew Santino?

  And then I, and people got mad. I pooped in the sink. People got real upset. That was.

• 1:12:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:02Andrew Santino?

  Left it in there.

• 1:12:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, of course. Cause I think it has one of those stoppers.

• 1:12:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, flight attendant?

• 1:12:07Speaker 05

  Those like, the stopper's broken and they, I couldn't get.

• 1:12:11Andrew Santino?

  Somebody pooped in the sink. I'm the somebody.

• 1:12:13Speaker 05

  Do you have piss, here's a, pissing in the kitchen sink.

• 1:12:17Andrew Santino?

  Never done it.

• 1:12:17Speaker 05

  Kitchen, the problem, the kitchen, kissing in the kitchen.

• 1:12:21Andrew Santino?

  Kissing in the kitchen.

• 1:12:22Speaker 05

  Pissing in the kitchen sink is a little difficult. It's not at a pissable height. So you, you really gotta work for your dinner. Yeah, you gotta get up on the tippy toes and you, and you can't piss out of, the thing is, you can't piss out of full stream. Cause it's so close, you're gonna get splashback.

• 1:12:35Andrew Santino?

  So it's gotta be a little bit of a.

• 1:12:36Speaker 05

  You kinda gotta really nurse it out, slow it out.

• 1:12:39Andrew Santino?

  So you have to control the mu, you have to have muscle control.

• 1:12:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, you gotta, yeah, it's a good PC word.

• 1:12:43Andrew Santino?

  Kegel exercise?

• 1:12:43Speaker 05

  Kegel exercise for sure. Cause if you go too fast, it really flies everywhere. Which you, which you've probably experienced in the air, in the plane.

• 1:12:51Andrew Santino?

  You have to be slow.

• 1:12:51Speaker 05

  You gotta slow it out. You can't unleash out.

• 1:12:53Andrew Santino?

  You have to pee on the side and you have to make the swirl. You have to pee so it goes, you know, so it swirls.

• 1:12:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, create a.

• 1:12:58Andrew Santino?

  You create a little, uh, uh, what is it called? Uh, whirlpool, yeah.

• 1:13:02Speaker 06

  Or you can back up into a St. Louis arch into it.

• 1:13:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you arch in there.

• 1:13:05Speaker 05

  I guess he could try do the arch. That's, yeah.

• 1:13:07Speaker 06

  And then as you're finishing, you have to get closer.

• 1:13:09Speaker 05

  There's just so much athleticism involved.

• 1:13:12Andrew Santino?

  Girls never have fun when they pee.

• 1:13:14Speaker 05

  They don't.

• 1:13:15Andrew Santino?

  They just don't get to do it.

• 1:13:16Speaker 05

  No. That's why they bring everyone in.

• 1:13:17Andrew Santino?

  My wife said that. She's like, how fun you get to just wave it, point it different places.

• 1:13:21Speaker 05

  Whizz it all over the place.

• 1:13:21Andrew Santino?

  Cause I piss in our backyard all the time. When we're out there with the dog and I have to pee.

• 1:13:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:25Andrew Santino?

  I just pee right in the backyard.

• 1:13:26Speaker 05

  That's good.

• 1:13:26Andrew Santino?

  She's like, good for you. That's nice that you get to do that.

• 1:13:29Speaker 06

  It's like a game, it's like a game at the fair.

• 1:13:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the aim, the amer.

• 1:13:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:34Andrew Santino?

  I love peeing outside.

• 1:13:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's cool.

• 1:13:36Andrew Santino?

  It's just the nicest thing to just piss outside. I don't know. It's just something about it. You're like.

• 1:13:40Speaker 05

  In the winter and the steam starts hitting your face.

• 1:13:43Andrew Santino?

  And the steam rises from your piss.

• 1:13:44Speaker 05

  I'm an outdoor man. I'm like outdoor boys.

• 1:13:46Andrew Santino?

  Pissing in the snow is.

• 1:13:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:48Andrew Santino?

  It is such a wonderful feeling. Did you, did it snow where you grew up?

• 1:13:52Speaker 05

  Rarely.

• 1:13:52Andrew Santino?

  Almost never, right?

• 1:13:53Speaker 05

  Yeah. If it did, it fucked up.

• 1:13:55Andrew Santino?

  Northern Ireland gets snow, yeah?

• 1:13:56Speaker 05

  I don't think so. Not.

• 1:13:57Andrew Santino?

  Really? That far north?

• 1:13:58Speaker 05

  It's not that big of a, it's not that big of a country to like discriminate.

• 1:14:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but they're pretty far up there.

• 1:14:02Speaker 05

  It's like a few hours drive. It's not, really not that big of a.

• 1:14:05Andrew Santino?

  Well, but a few hours from here to San Francisco, they get snow, we don't.

• 1:14:07Speaker 05

  I guess you're right. You could be right.

• 1:14:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, you're not good at geography, are you?

• 1:14:10Speaker 05

  Well, I just don't feel like islands.

• 1:14:12Andrew Santino?

  Islands not a snow country.

• 1:14:14Speaker 05

  Not really, no. Every other year we'll.

• 1:14:16Andrew Santino?

  You'll get something.

• 1:14:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, we get some. We're not equipped. We had big, I remember having big blizzards and it just shut down the country for like a month. Because we just, we ran out of salt. We like ran out of salt. We were like ringing France going, can.

• 1:14:28Andrew Santino?

  Can we have some salt?

• 1:14:29Speaker 05

  Can I borrow some fucking salt? Yeah. And they had to like ship it over to us and everything. We just don't have.

• 1:14:33Andrew Santino?

  You know, they were real cunts about it.

• 1:14:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:36Speaker 05

  Oh, we need it for the faqua, you know?

• 1:14:40Andrew Santino?

  I remember the first time I had that in France. I, I, I, I never had, I barely heard of it. I never rate, my wife and I were, we're dating and we went to Paris. And she was like, we should try faqua. We've never had it. And I was like, I'll try it. And then you try it and you're like, it's weird. It's a weird flavor. And then when they tell you what it is, you're like, oh, this is fucking terrible. I don't want that.

• 1:15:03Speaker 05

  It's like duck liver, is it?

• 1:15:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it's like they, they, they fucking stuff, they, they force feed it till it's dead.

• 1:15:09Speaker 06

  It's illegal in a lot of states in the US, but I had it in Illinois.

• 1:15:12Speaker 05

  Again, you know.

• 1:15:14Andrew Santino?

  They force feed it to get.

• 1:15:15Speaker 05

  Where's the, where's the line though, you know? Because like, we, we kinda do that with milk where you're just like.

• 1:15:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, milk's bad.

• 1:15:20Speaker 05

  Forcing a cow to be pregnant.

• 1:15:22Andrew Santino?

  Milk is bad.

• 1:15:22Speaker 05

  I'm never not drinking it.

• 1:15:23Andrew Santino?

  It's the best.

• 1:15:24Speaker 05

  I love it.

• 1:15:25Andrew Santino?

  But something about a duck, cows are bullshit.

• 1:15:27Speaker 05

  Cows are kinda bullshit. We made them.

• 1:15:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cows are bullshit. Ducks, you're like, ah, come on, that's a little tiny bird. Leave it alone. It's worthless.

• 1:15:33Speaker 05

  What about that, they used to do that, uh, and you probably have the hookup for this because you're, cause you're, you're Hollywood elite friends.

• 1:15:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:41Speaker 05

  Now that you can't have, go to the islands anymore.

• 1:15:43Andrew Santino?

  But baby foreskin, what is it?

• 1:15:46Andrew Santino?

  What do you need, Santa? What do you got?

• 1:15:47Speaker 05

  The, the bird that they, they drown in the brandy. There's a canary, there's a little canary bird. I think you guys call it a titmouse here, is it? There's a little canary bird. And they, the way they cook it, they, they have brandy and they drown it.

• 1:16:02Andrew Santino?

  In boiling brandy?

• 1:16:04Speaker 05

  Not boiling brandy. I think it's just regular room temperature brandy. And then he will inhale the brandy, so it gets into their body. And then they deep fry it. And then you get to eat the, you eat the bird whole and you eat his head off it. Yeah, it's like this, it's illegal all over the world, except on billionaires' boats. It's like.

• 1:16:21Speaker 06

  What is this? It's called ordolan bunting.

• 1:16:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, ordolan bunting, yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:26Speaker 06

  They, it's something, it's something, they're suspended upside down over container of armagnac. And then, and by dipping, they are drowned before being marinated in the brandy.

• 1:16:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, they drown them alive so that they inhale the, the thing. It's like a delicacy and it's like, it's also like some weird like spiritual kinda thing. It's completely illegal.

• 1:16:45Speaker 06

  It's a tiny little songbird that's captured, force fed grain until they grow massively fat and they're drowned in brandy before being roasted whole and eaten in a single bite.

• 1:16:54Andrew Santino?

  Where's this from? This gotta be a British thing.

• 1:16:55Speaker 06

  It's French.

• 1:16:56Speaker 05

  French.

• 1:16:56Andrew Santino?

  French, yeah, they're weirdos.

• 1:16:57Speaker 05

  And they're tiny, like chicken wings, tiny things. And then you eat it. And there's also a thing, what they do, there's a tradition. You've never seen this?

• 1:17:03Andrew Santino?

  No, bro.

• 1:17:04Speaker 05

  Where they put the, they put a tea towel, like a little, a napkin over your head. There's a tradition. You put the napkin over your head, you dip your bird and you eat it underneath the napkin.

• 1:17:13Andrew Santino?

  So no one sees you eating it?

• 1:17:14Speaker 05

  No one sees the, how dare you eat the thing. And then all these French guys just go and create like great movies or whatever. Like, it's like a kind of a cool, like, I do, I kinda wanna do it, you know?

• 1:17:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:26Speaker 05

  Cause like, why not?

• 1:17:27Andrew Santino?

  For the story?

• 1:17:28Speaker 05

  Just sort of.

• 1:17:29Andrew Santino?

  There's no chance it tastes that good.

• 1:17:30Speaker 05

  Just do it once and then I'll, then I'll say, hey, no, you shouldn't do that.

• 1:17:33Andrew Santino?

  The process is sexier than the food. Like the food you'll eat.

• 1:17:35Speaker 05

  Well, you eat a whole, like the, the bones break in its mouth and in your mouth and everything, but, yeah, look, see?

• 1:17:41Andrew Santino?

  Whoa.

• 1:17:42Speaker 05

  That's pretty sick.

• 1:17:43Andrew Santino?

  I want one.

• 1:17:44Speaker 05

  I think, do, truly can I say, do you think, how hard do you think it would be for you to get that? You must have, you must have a guy who knows a guy.

• 1:17:54Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:17:55Speaker 05

  Cause I'm, I did, I did text Tim Dillon about this one time going, do you have the hookup?

• 1:17:59Andrew Santino?

  Of all people, he's my guy.

• 1:17:59Speaker 05

  And he was just like, nah, yeah, it's very hard to get or whatever.

• 1:18:01Andrew Santino?

  He's who I would text.

• 1:18:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, you would do the same thing. Tim?

• 1:18:04Andrew Santino?

  I would text Tim.

• 1:18:05Speaker 05

  We need to do some illegal feeding.

• 1:18:08Andrew Santino?

  Who else do I call?

• 1:18:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:18:10Andrew Santino?

  Wait, what is it called? Say it again. Bunting?

• 1:18:12Speaker 06

  It's called ordolan bunting.

• 1:18:15Andrew Santino?

  Ordolan bunting?

• 1:18:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, this tiny little bird and they cook it bad. And you're not allowed to even cook it like, like in a knot.

• 1:18:20Andrew Santino?

  I kinda wanna, I kinda wanna text someone right now. Be like, can I get ordolan?

• 1:18:23Speaker 05

  I just wanna know who's got the connection.

• 1:18:25Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, how do you even get that? But where is it in the United States?

• 1:18:28Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 1:18:29Speaker 05

  No, it's completely, it's illegal all over the world. But you, you can get it.

• 1:18:32Andrew Santino?

  Can't be that illegal. There's pictures of it all over the internet.

• 1:18:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, this is, but these are all day. These are, this is two thousand and five. This is pre me too.

• 1:18:38Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's how they stopped it?

• 1:18:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, the me too movement really rocked it.

• 1:18:43Andrew Santino?

  We won't put up with Weinstein and ordolan bunting.

• 1:18:46Speaker 05

  While we're, while we're, while we got you, while we got you, got your attention.

• 1:18:51Andrew Santino?

  Tim would be the guy I would text. Tim is the kinda guy that if I'm anywhere in the world, really, and I'm like, need recommendations for a good restaurant. He'd be like, buddy, buddy. And he would, he would, he would tell me exactly where to go. He'd be like, go see my friend. He's a chef.

• 1:19:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, go see my friend. Go, go, go to this like underground cave.

• 1:19:07Andrew Santino?

  He knows, he knows fucking everybody.

• 1:19:09Speaker 05

  What about this like three star Michelin place? Like shit, dog shit, go dog. The only people eating there. They're fucking losers and criminally insane.

• 1:19:18Andrew Santino?

  He's incredible. He's the only guy I know that has like four residences. I mean dude, he's a single guy, no family, no kids.

• 1:19:25Speaker 05

  Awesome.

• 1:19:26Andrew Santino?

  And he's got, he lives, he's Batman. Like he's genuinely Batman.

• 1:19:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. And it's like the perfect like alibi all the time. You in New York?

• 1:19:33Andrew Santino?

  Nah.

• 1:19:33Speaker 05

  Nah, I'm in LA. Why you want me to do a thing? Nah, I'm sorry.

• 1:19:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's great.

• 1:19:37Speaker 05

  Two seconds later he posts.

• 1:19:38Andrew Santino?

  Or when he's in New York, you're like, you in New York? He's like, I'm in Long Island.

• 1:19:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:41Andrew Santino?

  I'm in the Hamptons.

• 1:19:42Speaker 05

  What is it first?

• 1:19:43Andrew Santino?

  Dude, he's like, what is it?

• 1:19:45Speaker 05

  Tell me what you want, then we'll talk.

• 1:19:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's got the perfect escape. He is like living that, uh, uh, the dream where comics are like, I'm bi-coastal, I live in multiple cities. A lot of people are full of shit. He actually does it.

• 1:19:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's doing it all the time.

• 1:19:58Andrew Santino?

  I mean, did you ever go to his house here?

• 1:20:01Speaker 05

  Uh, yeah, be- before, the old one.

• 1:20:03Andrew Santino?

  In the hills?

• 1:20:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:04Andrew Santino?

  It's hilarious.

• 1:20:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:20:05Andrew Santino?

  You're like, who are you dude?

• 1:20:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, dude, I went to, I went.

• 1:20:07Andrew Santino?

  It was huge.

• 1:20:08Speaker 05

  I went to his house and he had this hot tub and it was raining, but we just like got in the hot tub anyway. We're just like hanging out. He's like, fucking great, right? And I'm just like, it's freezing.

• 1:20:18Andrew Santino?

  It's freezing.

• 1:20:19Speaker 05

  He's like, man, a scalco is over there. Alright. Just in a tub with, like, watching Hollywood Hills in the piss and rain. I'm like, is this it?

• 1:20:29Andrew Santino?

  That is Hollywood.

• 1:20:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, this is it.

• 1:20:30Andrew Santino?

  That's actually what Hollywood is now.

• 1:20:32Speaker 05

  Doesn't get better than this, huh? It's the best. Isn't this the best? Yeah.

• 1:20:36Speaker 05

  I know, it's sushi order to the house.

• 1:20:38Andrew Santino?

  Alright, I'm gonna try to find, say, spell it, just so I have it in my, spell it. How do you spell it?

• 1:20:43Speaker 06

  O R T O L A N BUNTING. B U N T I N G.

• 1:20:48Andrew Santino?

  Alright, I'm gonna find out.

• 1:20:49Speaker 05

  I'd love to, just, just.

• 1:20:50Speaker 06

  It's been illegal since 1999.

• 1:20:52Andrew Santino?

  Borderland.

• 1:20:53Speaker 06

  Do you wanna guess how much it is per bird on the black market?

• 1:20:55Andrew Santino?

  Guess how much what?

• 1:20:56Speaker 05

  Wait, but like, how is the bird, like, when I'm buying it on the black market, what am I getting?

• 1:21:00Speaker 06

  You're buying a single bird, per bird.

• 1:21:02Speaker 05

  And is it in a cage?

• 1:21:04Speaker 06

  No, no, I believe it's already prepared.

• 1:21:06Andrew Santino?

  Whoa, oh, no, this is already done and done.

• 1:21:08Speaker 06

  On the black market.

• 1:21:08Andrew Santino?

  On the black market, each bird has gotta be...

• 1:21:11Speaker 06

  These are little birds.

• 1:21:11Speaker 05

  But you're not getting like a vacuum packed, pre-cut, fucking...

• 1:21:14Speaker 06

  I'm assuming at like some black market restaurant.

• 1:21:15Speaker 05

  It's not like some sort of a fucking heat up in your microwave like thing. I mean, this is like at a restaurant. It's, it's served to you on a yacht, in international waters.

• 1:21:24Andrew Santino?

  It's gotta be a thousand dollars a bird.

• 1:21:26Speaker 05

  Twenty thousand dollars a bird.

• 1:21:27Andrew Santino?

  Wait, really?

• 1:21:28Speaker 05

  I'm going crazy, yeah.

• 1:21:29Speaker 06

  Hundred sixty to two hundred seventy dollars.

• 1:21:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we can get a couple of birds there.

• 1:21:33Speaker 05

  Two hundred and sixty dollars?

• 1:21:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, it says one hundred fifty euros to two fifty euros, which is one sixty dollars.

• 1:21:39Speaker 05

  This is not, this is easy. This is not regulated.

• 1:21:41Speaker 06

  I think it's just hard to find.

• 1:21:42Speaker 05

  I was thinking, me, Dana White, fucking yacht, let's go. Let's...

• 1:21:47Andrew Santino?

  You Dana Trump on a yacht.

• 1:21:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:21:49Andrew Santino?

  Have you had orderling bunking?

• 1:21:51Speaker 05

  That's the best.

• 1:21:53Speaker 06

  Ooh, but the fees.

• 1:21:54Speaker 05

  Cause it's illegal, makes it taste better.

• 1:21:56Speaker 06

  The fees if you get caught is up to nine thousand euros and up to six months in prison.

• 1:22:02Speaker 05

  Nine thousand euros, that's not, that's water if it looks back for you.

• 1:22:05Speaker 06

  Just over ten grand.

• 1:22:06Speaker 05

  Nothing. He, he walked right, he wouldn't even know.

• 1:22:08Andrew Santino?

  That's no big deal.

• 1:22:08Speaker 05

  Wouldn't even notice it.

• 1:22:09Andrew Santino?

  Wouldn't even know it's gone.

• 1:22:10Speaker 05

  I should've had more.

• 1:22:11Andrew Santino?

  It's like, uh, uh, uh, uh, that's like weed in Texas now.

• 1:22:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, what's going on there?

• 1:22:17Andrew Santino?

  Fucking Texas.

• 1:22:18Speaker 05

  Is it really that bad? Like, how, how bad is it?

• 1:22:20Andrew Santino?

  It's so stupid, Texas. So, they're like, we're the freest, freest state in the union. You're like, really dude? You can't have fucking weed and chicks can't get an abortion if they want to? Shut the fuck up.

• 1:22:28Speaker 05

  No, no Pornhub.

• 1:22:29Speaker 06

  No porn.

• 1:22:30Speaker 05

  No Pornhub.

• 1:22:31Andrew Santino?

  Such a stupid fucking state sometimes. You're like, what are you guys doing? This whole like, we're free. You're like, are you? Sounds pretty restricted to me. Sounds like the most restricted fucking place on earth. No weed is ridic, dude.

• 1:22:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 1:22:41Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's cause lobbyists, cause big tobacco and stuff are like, fuck that.

• 1:22:44Speaker 05

  But is gambling and all this shit allowed? Like, I, I...

• 1:22:46Andrew Santino?

  I think gambling's legal down there.

• 1:22:47Speaker 05

  Can you bet on whatever? I don't wanna mention it.

• 1:22:50Speaker 06

  I mean, Cali, all these online gambling things, it's never been easier to gamble on anything anywhere.

• 1:22:54Speaker 05

  Clearly this is the biggest bug sweeping through America right now.

• 1:22:57Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:22:57Speaker 05

  And, you know, we'll cut to some bullshit commercial, but...

• 1:23:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we will right now.

• 1:23:01Speaker 05

  We probably will. But like, whatever, get your money, you know? But it's like, clearly that's the thing that should be regulated and they're just going, no, no, people are eating too much Doritos. Let's fucking get rid of the weed.

• 1:23:12Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 1:23:12Speaker 05

  It's like they're not...

• 1:23:13Andrew Santino?

  Well, the weed thing's gotta be, uh, uh, uh, to- about, tobacco and alcohol lobbyists have gotta be so... They, they don't want weed. Cause weed is so nice and safe and easy and you're not beating your fucking spouse when you're on pot.

• 1:23:27Speaker 05

  You are, but it's so funny.

• 1:23:29Andrew Santino?

  It's sweet.

• 1:23:29Speaker 05

  It's so funny. You're just, you're howling. You're, you just find it so funny.

• 1:23:36Andrew Santino?

  No, I think, I think it's, it's another symptom of, uh, uh, we're too free. Anytime we get too free, government's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, stop it.

• 1:23:45Speaker 05

  Sorry.

• 1:23:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's just saying, just.

• 1:23:47Andrew Santino?

  But you just use a VPN when I'm in Texas, when I'm anywhere, I use VPN if I wanna watch porn and...

• 1:23:51Speaker 05

  Isn't that a little much?

• 1:23:52Andrew Santino?

  A little fappin' app.

• 1:23:53Speaker 05

  Don't you feel like it's a little much to log into your little like, uh...

• 1:23:56Andrew Santino?

  The VPN? No, just turn it on.

• 1:23:57Speaker 05

  Is it?

• 1:23:58Andrew Santino?

  Easier than, you know, in Texas and all those states, you have to like show your face or your ID.

• 1:24:02Speaker 05

  I, I might've unlocked a kink, cause I was in Florida and no porn. I found a, uh, audio erotica site where there's just like a, like a girl talking and she's just like... Yeah, she's like acting out the whole thing. She's like, oh, we shouldn't be doing this. Oh, and then...

• 1:24:19Speaker 05

  I'm like, ah! Like, I don't think I came hard, that hard in twenty years.

• 1:24:26Andrew Santino?

  Just headphones on.

• 1:24:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, the, I'm telling, it's, it's like...

• 1:24:28Andrew Santino?

  Cleaning lady walks in, you're just like...

• 1:24:29Speaker 05

  It's like the way the book is better than the movie, cause you're visual, the audio is just all, enough.

• 1:24:34Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's kinda like when I was in high school, the Victoria's Secret was incredible, cause you, it was like the, the idea of not seeing it was hot.

• 1:24:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:24:41Andrew Santino?

  It's right there, I know it's right there, but I can't see it.

• 1:24:44Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:24:44Andrew Santino?

  So, it's so hot, cause you couldn't see it.

• 1:24:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:24:46Andrew Santino?

  And when you see it, you're like, yeah.

• 1:24:47Speaker 05

  Sometimes like porn is like a little, like, I never got into those like photos of like big spread leg, like, like...

• 1:24:52Andrew Santino?

  Hustler?

• 1:24:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, I never got into the whole like, yeah, when every page is fucking open, you know?

• 1:24:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's weird.

• 1:24:58Speaker 05

  And not, not, not, not.

• 1:24:59Andrew Santino?

  You're like, cut that out.

• 1:25:00Speaker 05

  No, give me a little something to work for.

• 1:25:01Andrew Santino?

  Tease me.

• 1:25:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Let me earn my, let me earn my orgasm.

• 1:25:07Andrew Santino?

  I love you. I appreciate you coming on the show.

• 1:25:08Speaker 05

  This was awesome, this was great.

• 1:25:09Andrew Santino?

  What's, um, what's the plug for the, for your tour? Uh, what's your website?

• 1:25:14Speaker 05

  columtyrrell.com.

• 1:25:15Andrew Santino?

  columtyrrell.com.

• 1:25:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, head over there, I'm on tour everywhere.

• 1:25:18Andrew Santino?

  Everywhere around this country.

• 1:25:19Speaker 05

  Everywhere in this country.

• 1:25:20Andrew Santino?

  You're going international or no?

• 1:25:21Speaker 05

  Uh, I'm gonna be working on it, not booked yet.

• 1:25:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you should do.

• 1:25:26Speaker 05

  Yeah. You've, you've been doing it, right?

• 1:25:27Andrew Santino?

  I'm trying.

• 1:25:28Speaker 05

  Can I just ask, before we go, how does that feel to be able to go like, oh, I've got Fran, I've got fans in...

• 1:25:33Andrew Santino?

  In overseas?

• 1:25:34Speaker 05

  Fran, like, what's that feel like?

• 1:25:36Andrew Santino?

  I mean, like I said, we were talking, the Dublin thing was...

• 1:25:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, exactly. Like, that's like so surreal to me.

• 1:25:42Andrew Santino?

  Well, even Australia was wild, cause you're like, why are we going to Australia? There are people that are like us down there? And I was like, dude, I, I think you think, your brain is like, it's just America. The world loves comedy, it's just, um, i- is it, is it accessible and is there a place to do it? Like, is there a proper venue in certain cities? Cause I really, like Burr, I remember years ago Burr was doing like a big European tour.

• 1:26:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:26:04Andrew Santino?

  And there was a few, couple of places, I was like, they have enough English speaking people in that country? And he was like, way more than you'd ever imagine. He's like, and they fucking love comedy.

• 1:26:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:26:12Andrew Santino?

  I just, it's, it's like hard to get to the place, but now that we got there, it's incredible. I hope they...

• 1:26:17Speaker 05

  That's so cool.

• 1:26:17Andrew Santino?

  We hope we can still do it.

• 1:26:18Speaker 05

  That's awesome.

• 1:26:19Andrew Santino?

  Until they tell us to fuck off, you know?

• 1:26:20Speaker 05

  That's great.

• 1:26:21Andrew Santino?

  We'll keep doing it. Um, we end the show the same way. Go to his, uh, go to his website, please go see him live, he's a very funny dude. Uh, friend of the family. Um, looking at that camera, say one word or one phrase, uh, this one right here. One word or one phrase to end the episode. It could be a, a word of wisdom, could be a phrase, whatever you want.

• 1:26:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:40Speaker 05

  Fortune favors the brave.

• 1:26:43Speaker 00

  Need fast hydration for the summer heat? Hydrate your wins with the new Liquid IV Sugar-Free Ring Pop Cherry. It's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving. Reimagined as a zero sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're spending the day in the heat, recovering after a workout, or just looking for an easy afternoon pick me up, Liquid IV makes hydration simple and delicious. Shop LiquidIV.com. Save with their buy three, get one free offer, and use promo code POD26. That's P O D two six. Let's be honest, you don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir.

• 1:27:26Speaker 00

  Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer to whip up new traditions. Tis your season to mix it up.

• 1:27:32Speaker 02

  And here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:27:38Speaker 03

  Who's that creature in the ginger beard?

• 1:27:40Speaker 07

  Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:27:44Speaker 04

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no.

• 1:27:50Speaker 03

  This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.