Lily Collins ON: Self Love, Healing Shame, and Becoming The Best Version of Yourself

You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon. Do you question if your relationship is healthy? In this ON Purpose, Jay Shetty and Lily Collins identify the difference between a healthy and a toxic relationship. Are you happy with the relationships in your life? Don’t waste your time and energy with toxic relationships. Learn to spot the characteristics of a good relationship so you can weed out bad relationships from your life. In this ON Purpose episode, Tune to hear Lily Collins tell Jay Shetty about her past toxic relationship. Learn how she identified the red flags after she left and turned the negative experience into a roadmap of what she wanted in a healthy relationship. Train your mind for peace and purpose everyday. Grab a copy of Think Like A Monk, or listen to the audiobook now! Book: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264534&mt=11&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_book Audiobook: https://books.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewFeature?id=1532264062&mt=3&ls=1&itscg=80048&itsct=js_httlam_audiobook See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Jay Shetty?

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• 0:44Jay Shetty?

  AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and it's clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose. This episode is brought to you by Vinted. Value can be found anywhere, even in the clothes sitting untouched in our closets. That's where Vinted comes in. Vinted is a secondhand marketplace app where you can sell clothes you no longer want and get more value out of them. Whether you're running out of space, moving, or simply updating your wardrobe. Listing items is a quick and simple process, and once something sells,

• 1:30Jay Shetty?

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• 2:16Jay Shetty?

  And when everything around you is changing, it helps to have a few things you can rely on. AG1 Next Gen is one of those easy habits to keep. It's the clinically backed, comprehensive daily health drink that supports your gut health, energy production, and foundational nutrition all in one scoop. AG1's ingredients are sourced from quality partners for absorption, potency, and nutrient density to deliver the foundational nutrition your body needs. And alongside a proper diet, AG1 Next Gen meets 94% of nutrient requirements and is clinically shown to enrich the gut microbiome. For a limited time, save 20% on your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1

• 2:59Jay Shetty?

  Pro at drinkag1.com/onpurpose. That's drinkag1.com/onpurpose.

• 3:09Speaker 01

  The fact that you're feeling these things is proof that you're feeling these things and you need to talk about it and you just, you cannot compare yourself to other people, even though that's like the first reaction you want to have, because it is all relative and we all, we all are going through the same things, especially at a time like right now. It's like comparison can be the death. You just, you cannot, you'll fall into a trap that, that makes things so much worse, I think.

• 3:40Jay Shetty?

  Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn, and grow. And I am so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out and I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eightrulesoflove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book.

• 4:23Jay Shetty?

  And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules. Go to jschettytour.com to learn more info. Information about tickets, VIP experiences and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now, this is probably the most special episode that I'm gonna record this year. I'm really, really excited about it. And it's because the guest is not only a dear friend, who's become a close, close friend during this time, which just shows the power of energy, relationships and connection. But also because she's got some huge announcements and some really exciting things happening in her lives and an incredible story to share. As you know, today's guest is the one and only Lily Collins.

• 5:06Jay Shetty?

  As a Golden Globe nominated actress, author and philanthropist, Lily Collins is one of Hollywood's most sought after actresses. You probably know her from her incredible performances in Inheritance, Les Misérables, To The Bone, The Last Tycoon and Rules Don't Apply, to name a few. She's also the star of Netflix's Emily in Paris, which streams worldwide starting October 2nd, 2020. So it's out right now. If you're listening, go and watch it. It's awesome. You're going to love it. And extending her talents from the screen to paper, Lily added author to her list of credits in 2017 with her international bestselling book, Unfiltered. No shame, no regrets, just me.

• 5:51Jay Shetty?

  Which is such a good read and I'm sure you will all love it. So make sure you go and grab a copy. Lily's philanthropic endeavors extend to participating in various We Day events, where we actually met, and her involvement with national nonprofit organization, GEO Campaign, where she serves as an ambassador for the GEO Campaign Gala. I'm so excited to welcome Lily Collins. Thank you so much for doing this.

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me. It's truly a bucket list right now.

• 6:18Jay Shetty?

  You're the sweetest. Like, I am just, I'm genuinely so happy. And since you walked through the door, your energy's just been like, just cascading everywhere. And I'm just like so grateful to finally.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  I know, I can't believe. We finally get to connect. It's like, we were saying, it's so strange when you, when you never meet someone, but you can connect so much through intention, on purpose, like literally your podcast. The reason I found it was because of the title. And I was like, this is so in alignment with everything that I feel like I want to practice more of or that is so in me and things that I'm like reaching out and resourcing more. And it's like, when you just connect, it's like. How had it not happened sooner, but it was meant to be now?

• 7:03Jay Shetty?

  No, I love it. And I want to congratulate you on the launch of the show today.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  Thank you!

• 7:07Jay Shetty?

  And also your incredible engagement that just happened.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  Yes, I know. Who knew that this week would be as big as it was? And I'm over the moon. It's so funny. It's like one of those life moments when... It sounds so cheesy, but it's like when you know, you know. And I'd have been told that before, and I thought I knew what that feeling would be like. And it's that deep sense of knowing that I think I've been experiencing with a lot of different things in my life. And in really the most past, like most recent year, when you know you're exactly where you're meant to be, who you're meant to be with. And it's just that deep sense of knowing that I'm like, I knew the second I met him, you know?

• 7:54Speaker 01

  And I'm just so excited. I'm really, really excited.

• 7:57Jay Shetty?

  I love hearing that and I love seeing it on your face.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  I know, it's really hard not to talk about it without beaming.

• 8:03Jay Shetty?

  It's beautiful. And it's not cheesy at all, because I think anyone who's experienced it knows that it's true. And anyone who's looking for that is wanting it to be true. Like, that's what we're trying to create. And today I want to talk to you about everything, from relationships to the new show, through to your incredible book that I absolutely love. And for anyone who hasn't gone and grabbed a copy, please do that. But we'll be talking about a lot of the themes from inside the book and your life today. But I wanted to start off back where you were born, because you were also born in the UK.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:33Jay Shetty?

  But you moved to LA when you were six years old, right? So tell us about, do you remember anything? Me and my wife have been playing this game about like, how much do we remember from before five years old in our life?

• 8:44Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:45Jay Shetty?

  What do you remember?

• 8:46Speaker 01

  God, you know, I do remember, I remember cooking dinners in the countryside, like a couple nights, I remember specifically. I remember ballet class, because I used to be really into dance. Um, I remember some school plays and like nativity shows that I did.

• 9:00Jay Shetty?

  What was your role?

• 9:01Speaker 01

  I was one of the angels. I still have the photos from it. Um, and I remember French class, which is kind of ironic, but um, but when I moved to Eng- to from England to LA, I was, just wanted to fit in, right? At that age, you just wanna fit in. And I remember my first day of school not being able to pronounce consonants the same as everyone else. So any name that had an R in it was like an eh, and everyone made fun of me. And uh, and I just started to kind of, my accent just naturally started to go away. But yeah, you know, I do have quite a few vivid memories. And then when I go back, cause we still have the house there in the countryside. I, I have these weird feelings and memories that come back.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  And sometimes I question, were they made up? Are they real? And I will bring them up to my mom or my dad and it's like, oh no, that really happened. And it's just so interesting how a place truly can do that for you. It's like sights, smells, sounds, any of the above, right? It's truly like that sense memory.

• 10:00Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I love that. That's, that's so nice though, that you have all these amazing memories of back in England.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  I miss it though.

• 10:06Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, I know. We have, when did, do you go back often or?

• 10:09Speaker 01

  Well, sometimes it, it has been when I was a kid that I would go every summer vacation. And then obviously when you grow up, summer vacation changes so much. Um, Christmases and New Years, I've gone back. But I mean, God knows with everything going on now with travel, I don't really know what that looks like. I do get to go back to London quite a bit because of work. And that's usually, you know, two or three, four days at max. Um, but I, I, it's just, it's so a part of me. Like the English countryside is so a part of who I am. And I like to, I like to say, because I truly believe it, I do feel more European than American. Um, which was super weird then playing this like very American character in Europe, because it's the most American I've ever felt.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Um, but I, I, I do get to, I hope that I get to go back soon. We just, we just don't know.

• 10:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, absolutely. And I know, I have to bring this up. I'm bringing up all the uh, the kind of similarities that we have.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:03Jay Shetty?

  You're also a huge Harry Potter book and movie fan.

• 11:05Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 11:06Jay Shetty?

  So am I.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Biggest nerd.

• 11:07Jay Shetty?

  I don't think I've ever spoken about this.

• 11:09Speaker 01

  I can't believe that. Biggest nerd.

• 11:11Jay Shetty?

  What is, what is the most nerdy thing you know about Harry Potter? Or what is the, what is the quirkiest thing?

• 11:16Speaker 01

  Well, no, for me, it's, I was just, I like loved Hermione. And so whenever she'd say like, Limbavi, Limbavi en la vie, oh, saw, it's saw, you know? Or like, you've really got to get your priorities straight. It's like all the lines where she's just so sassy that I'm always like referencing. And you know what's funny, actually? Harry Potter is one of those things that I feel like is that, that thing that you'll mention something small and then the other person will go, wait, whoa, whoa, what? And so we were filming a scene in Paris for Emily in Paris and it was myself, Ashley, Luca, and I believe Kami, we were all at this table shooting a dinner scene. And someone said something, Harry Potter. And then all four of us, we had to stop filming because we were looking at what our,

• 12:00Speaker 01

  what our like different houses would be. And we just literally went off on some tangent. And it was so funny because there we are in the middle of Paris, talking about Harry Potter. It was like one of the funniest, like most uniting conversations we had had.

• 12:13Jay Shetty?

  I love it. Every time I go to Universal Studios, I try and convince my wife that I should buy a wand.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 12:18Jay Shetty?

  And she's just like, no, you're not allowed.

• 12:19Speaker 01

  You need the wand.

• 12:20Jay Shetty?

  I want a wand.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  You need it.

• 12:22Jay Shetty?

  And she's like, no, you're not allowed. I'm like, I want a wand, I want, and I'm looking at all the kids that are buying it.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Of course, of course. It's too good. You have to have one.

• 12:30Jay Shetty?

  I love it. I want to talk about, we, we started off and you were talking about engagements. And one of the things that I loved reading about in your books was relationships.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:40Jay Shetty?

  And you open up so deeply and vulnerably in your book, which, which I thought was really profound and genuinely so helpful for people.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 12:50Jay Shetty?

  And, and I'm really grateful that we're going to get to share that with my community today. But one of the things you talk about is past relationships, toxic relationships, perhaps difficult decisions in relationships.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:04Jay Shetty?

  And, and I wanted you to talk us through how you were still able to find so much meaning or lessons in those, or how actually you don't see them as just bad decisions, but you were able to learn from them. Because I think that's something that we all need to do.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, I don't know, I've always been such an introspective. Reflective person. I've always tried to see the good even in the bad. I'm always slightly more optimistic than I am pessimistic. And for me, I was very young when I experienced the, my relationship that was emotionally abusive. And at times, I didn't see it as that in the moment. And then at times, I did know that certain things weren't right. But I was so far in and I didn't know how to get out of it, in a sense, you know. I felt very small. I felt very quieted. I felt belittled.

• 14:04Speaker 01

  But at the same time, it was kind of what I knew in that relationship. And it was something that part of me was like, but, but he does love me. And there are these elements of kindness at moments. And it's just, I, I would never say that I was weak. Because I've never been like a weak person. I think there were moments when I didn't know how to voice myself in the strongest, loudest way. Because even in moments when I tried to voice myself, I, I was shushed. And so I was, you know, I was called names. I was,

• 14:43Speaker 01

  I was told not to have an opinion on things. I was just very much felt a lesser version of myself. And I can say all that now, looking back on it, as a stronger person because of it. And it's, it's something that took a lot. I mean, my friends and family definitely played a part in vocalizing their thoughts and intervening, in a sense. But, you know, it's interesting looking back on it. And even at the time, I, I always look at present situations as ones To work on in terms of what am I learning from this at the time? Like, it's going to define how I get through this just as much as it's going to define me as to what happens in the end.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  And it's about the journey, which you talk about all the time. And for me, the lessons I learned in how I don't want to be treated, what I don't want from a partner, how can I become stronger? Also, just the idea of not shaming myself for not leaving earlier. Because I think that if we only looked back on experiences with the shame and the regret and the fear and all that, then we don't allow ourselves to embrace any learning through what we would have gone through. And I think it's in anything difficult that we go through, if we just lived in the shame of embarrassment of not knowing how to act,

• 16:11Speaker 01

  or, you know, I can't believe I didn't know more about this subject. If we let that cloud our judgment, we prevent ourselves from learning more and growing through it. So I tried my best to kind of keep an open mind even when it was the hardest, because I knew that there would be a more positive outcome in the end. Ultimately, I knew this person wasn't the person for me. And I just needed to find a way to get through it that felt right and genuine to me, and also that I could kind of leave it clean and know that I did everything I could and not blame myself. So I'm actually grateful for the experiences that I had within myself.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  I'm not saying that I'm grateful for how I was treated, because I wish that there were moments I had never experienced. But I am grateful for the moments that I sat within my own head and my own heart and said enough is enough. Because at those moments, I felt like I was defining how I moved forward. And I was defining the future that I was setting for myself. And now I know. That there are certain ways in which a person acts that I will just never tolerate, that no one should tolerate. And that's not just in romantic, you know, relationships. That's in work environments. That's in just everyday living. That's with friends. And it just, it really did teach me so much. And I just, I would encourage anyone that has gone through something like that

• 17:39Speaker 01

  or is going through something like that to not allow the embarrassment or shame that you may feel prevent you from knowing deep within yourself what you need to do and to prevent you from moving forward and being able to speak about it openly. Because I think that there is a big fear in, in not vocalizing oneself. So I think that that for me has really helped me raise the volume on my voice.

• 18:11Jay Shetty?

  Wow. I mean, I mean, it just, you know, when, when I'm hearing it and obviously it sounds like you've done so much introspection, as you said, and so much self-reflection. But tell us about how at that time that affected your self-esteem. Because you talk a lot about that in the book too. It's just like, how does that affect your self-esteem? And how did you rebuild or realign with the courage to make that decision to move away from that relationship? Because I feel so many people, and you can probably attest to the people that you've shared this with, so many people feel stuck.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:44Jay Shetty?

  And so many people feel that, that one moment of love or affection from that person, because it's so rare.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:52Jay Shetty?

  It kind of just over-amplifies above all the mistakes.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it was, it was kind of that like carrot that would be dangled and, and I would be waiting for a moment of, of light. But the second I saw it, I took it almost as all the lights were on instead of like, you know, one bulb. It's like that moment to me was, oh, okay, it's still there and it's gonna cause me to just forget everything else. And I think I, I put so much of my self-worth and my self-esteem in that person and in that person's attention to me. I found that I was losing touch with a lot of my friends. I mean, it also was that he discouraged a lot of that, those relationships. And even the relationship that I had with certain family. It's like, it was very much.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  Him and that was it. Um, and so I, I did feel that so much of myself was then wrapped up in that. That what did that mean if I no longer had that? Like, who was I? How would I make decisions? Um, would I find someone else? And, and what was that gonna look like for me? And that's scary, especially as someone, you know, when you're young and you're kind of just figuring out who you are. You're just figuring out what you want in a partner or who you are as a person. Like, I don't think you can be the best version of a partner, whether that's, again, romantically, friendship, work, anything, until you, you know more of who you are. And when you're young, you're figuring that out. And when there's someone that then takes advantage of that,

• 20:25Speaker 01

  you know, that journey and that self-discovery in a way to kind of make it work for them. Like, I just got sucked into that and it was really difficult. I remember, um, I, like, I've never, ever had, like, bad skin. And all of a sudden, I was, I was breaking out. I had never had panic attacks. I was having panic attacks. There was a night, I remember, where, um, there, we had gotten into a disagreement on the phone and I was on the floor crying, like, hardly able to breathe. Like, I'd never had those experiences before. My body was, was showing me signs. I, it was giving up in a lot of ways. Um, and I just, I listened to it and then I would kind of forget, you know? Um, and at the end of the day,

• 21:11Speaker 01

  there was just kind of a lightbulb moment when certain people intervened and had a conversation with me that I realized, um, wow, that quote of when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I had been trying to justify, yeah, but, but like, but he's saying this. And it's like, right, but the follow-through is never the same. Or, yeah, you got those texts or those emails. But look at what you're feeling like, and that's not right. That's not real. Um, and so I, I finally was able to put that into practice and kind of rise above what I thought I was capable of. And it was hard. It was definitely not easy. I mean, there are moments when I thought I, I'm gonna have to start from zero.

• 21:56Speaker 01

  I, I don't really know where to go because I've alienated some friends. Will they start talking to me again? You know, now I'm embarrassed because I've basically said, no, everything's fine for so long, but nothing, it wasn't fine, you know? And now I'm having to kind of rebuild relationships. And I'm so fortunate that the people that I had stopped really talking to embraced me right back. They saw what I was going through and they knew ultimately that I would find that within myself to kind of move through it. But I'm forever grateful to this day to them because now we can look back on it and say, God, remember when that happened? And like, by no means make light of it, but to show the growth through what I had gone through. And they just, they stuck by me.

• 22:40Speaker 01

  And I was so, I'm, I'm so grateful for that. And then I have to say, another version of healing was then writing about it. Because I never, I never really spoke about it to people that didn't know what I was going through because it didn't feel appropriate and it didn't feel like I needed to. But when I was writing the book, I thought, this is something that truly shaped so much of my young adult life, um, in terms of then trying to find a partner and how I felt about myself and my self-esteem. Um, that I, I wanted to share it because it felt like another way to connect to people that had gone through that or were going through that at a young age.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  Because you don't see out of it when you're that young. And also, when you have parents or people that are older than you telling you it's not good for you, you're kind of less apt to believe it, right? Because you're like, you don't know? What are you talking about? And it's like, but when you're talking to someone your age or someone that's younger and you can relate to. For me at least, it, it made a huge difference whenever I'd have conversations with people like that. And, and so it was a way to, to try and make other people feel less alone. And I truly just, I would, I then feel less alone when people share their stories with me.

• 24:07Jay Shetty?

  This episode is brought to you by Wayfair. Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are. But it can be challenging to balance style, budget and endless options. I was looking to create a dedicated calm space for my morning meditation and reading, but I was struggling to find pieces that felt grounding but could also stand up to daily use. I went on Wayfair and found a beautiful, solid wood accent chair and a bookshelf. Now that corner is my favorite place to anchor my day. The quality is incredible, it's built to last, and it completely shifted the energy of the room. Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality, so you can shop with more confidence. And if putting it all together sounds like a headache,

• 24:52Jay Shetty?

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• 25:34Jay Shetty?

  They've banned artificial sweeteners and colors, high fructose corn syrup and more, so you can shop with peace of mind. Shop Whole Foods Market in-store or online. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. We talk a lot about intentional decision-making, and that extends to the practical stuff too, like making sure your coverage actually works for your life. State Farm is there to meet you where you are, and they know how sweet it is to feel good about your decisions. Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

• 26:21Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and that's why I want to thank you for sharing your story because

• 26:24Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 26:24Jay Shetty?

  I feel so many people are going to be helped by this. Like, listening to you speak, I'm hoping that everyone who's listening and watching right now is is reflecting on their own relationships, past or present.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:35Jay Shetty?

  And just getting a chance to just... The way you share it is so graceful in the sense that it really helps people just be guided through it in their own life and just like, okay, is that what I'm experiencing? Is that what I'm seeing? Tell us about how what you experienced in toxic relationships is different from what you've been able to create today, which is a real relationship.

• 26:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:59Jay Shetty?

  Which means it doesn't... It's not that it doesn't have challenges and it's not that it doesn't have things that you have to work out and figure out. But tell me what's different and how people can try and spot the right things. Because I think often we either see things as toxic.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:14Jay Shetty?

  Or like the movies.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:16Jay Shetty?

  And but it's like what, you know, what you have and I know what I have in my wife today is very real.

• 27:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:22Jay Shetty?

  And it's neither of those.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  Right. No, you know, it's interesting because we're always going to have ups and downs in whatever relationship you're in. Again, work, friendships or romantic. And for me, the ups and downs of my toxic relationship were my body was reacting. I was physically ill and I had such anxiety and there was, there was nothing about me that felt big. Like, I've truly felt like the smallest version of myself and I didn't even realize how small until when I got out of it, I found that so many things in my life started to just grow so much bigger.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  Like, my light came back, my energy came back. Every, like, different facets in my life started to grow again. And I think that...

• 28:18Speaker 01

  There's just no doubt in my mind when I'm with my fiance and there are ups and downs. It's like, we got this together. There's no competition. There's no, um, there's just no negativity at all. It's very much, okay, how are we gonna get through this? What's going on? Let's have a conversation. There's no shushing. Like, I was shushed so much in, in my toxic relationship where it was like a physical, like, shh, or like, hand on mouth. And I'm just like, what, it's, it's, when you're asked to be quieted and quiet who you are, it takes away your identity. Like, and I think I went through a bit of a thing, you know, when in my early twenties

• 29:03Speaker 01

  where I was like, okay, then what is my identity? Like, if I've been told to be quiet so much, I, is being loud a bad thing? And what does that mean to be the biggest version of yourself? And to be with someone now who is so encouraging of me being bigger. You know, it's like, no, be the biggest version of yourself. You can be all these things. And you know what? We can have disagreements and let's have a conversation, you know? And it's like, if you disagree about something and you have a conversation and yet you still feel heard, that's the biggest thing. It's like, when you're talking and you can see someone's like physically listening but they're not hearing you, you know it. You know what I mean? Like, you know the difference and you're like, yeah, but you're not hearing inside.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  You're not understanding what I'm saying and the intention and the, the deepest place that it's coming from. And I'll say that when I was going through this toxic experience, I truly, I was like, yeah, but he's saying that he loves me and he's telling me, no one's ever gonna love you the same that I love you and no one's gonna be able to do this for you and, you know, like, all the, all these things that you weirdly like wanna hear. You wanna hear someone saying like, oh, you know, I love you so much and no one's gonna love you the same way and I can do this for you and I'm your biggest champion and blah, blah, blah. But it's like, it's being used against you. It's a tool, it's a red flag.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  It's a tool to draw you in and, and kind of using things against you and imprison you and feel really, uh, trapped. And when you feel trapped by someone that is, is supposedly your biggest champion.

• 30:44Speaker 01

  That's a problem, you know, and I think to be, to be told to be quiet is a really scary thing because you know what you want to say and why you want to say it. But when someone that you love tells you to be quiet, you listen, or I listened, you know, and it, and it has created this post-traumatic

• 31:10Speaker 01

  stress in me at times within any relationship since that day. And I still have moments where I deal with it and have to, I have to check myself. I just have to remember in those moments that I'm having, like, okay, why is my heart starting to race? Why am I feeling anxious? What is this reminding me of? What do I need to think through myself? What is it that I'm projecting? Like, I have found so many times that if a situation arises that makes me feel anxious, I know that I'm projecting what that person would have said to me in this specific moment. What he would have done, what he would have said, what he would have like, you know, commented on, how he would have shushed me. And so I need to remember that that's gone, that's done.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  But I'm still dealing with moments like that. And, you know, thank God for podcasts and reading and therapy and all those things. Because I think it's really important to stop in those moments and internalize and think to myself, this has nothing to do with right now, nothing. There's nothing in this situation that's the same. There's no response that's the same from the other person. There's, this conversation hasn't even happened before. But I'm, I'm still dealing with how that person treated me. And, and it takes a while. And it's something, though, that I will say, in those moments when you catch yourself, sometimes they're embarrassing because you realize that you're falling back into what that person was doing to you.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  But, but it ultimately is a huge lesson. And it's, I'm so grateful to be with someone who nurtures me through those and doesn't judge me for them and says, I'm here, I want to help you, let's talk this through, you're going to be fine and I love you. And that is like, guys, it's out there. Because I was like, isn't it ever going to be out there? And, and there, there is that hope.

• 33:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and, and I'm, and I'm so happy that You had the courage to stand up for yourself and your voice.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 33:10Jay Shetty?

  Because otherwise, we wouldn't, you know.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  I know, it's true.

• 33:12Jay Shetty?

  We wouldn't have this beaming light, wonderful individual that gets to shine. And the truth is that everyone is that.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 33:19Jay Shetty?

  And everyone has that opportunity and potential inside of them to be the biggest version of themselves, as you were saying.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 33:26Jay Shetty?

  But it's so easy to just be made small. And like you said, it's not just romantic relationships. It can be parenting, it can be work, it can be family.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:35Jay Shetty?

  So, thank you for living that and for sharing that and for being so open about it. Because I think that, I know that a lot of our community is going to be listening to this today and just thinking, wow, Lily, thank you for being so brave, because that's where I am right now.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  You know, and I think it's also important because, and I was inspired by a lot of, my book really came from me reading people's stories on social media. Young girls and boys around the world would message me with insecurities and things that they had gone through that they wanted to relate to me on, but they assumed because I was in a position that I'm in, you know, in this industry, that I would have no way to relate to them. Whereas in fact, I would read their stories, see their photo next to it. So, it's not anonymous, it's super brave. And all I wanted to do was reach out and go, you have no idea, you have no idea how much I can relate to you. And it was their bravery that inspired me to truly want to share my story.

• 34:29Speaker 01

  And I think it's so important to just say, you know, just because I'm in the industry that I'm in, and I'm in the position that I'm in, and I am the way that I am, like, doesn't mean that I'm immune to any of these things. It's like, we all go through these. And I just wanted to share that in order to try to squash those myths that some people are infallible, like, no one's infallible.

• 34:54Jay Shetty?

  No one.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  You know?

• 34:56Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no one. I mean, I, I'm so glad that you're making that point, because there's also the other side, I think there's one side of like, oh, that person has it all figured out, or it's perfect.

• 35:05Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 35:06Jay Shetty?

  And then the other side is almost like, um... Well, well, that person has so much material stuff that this stuff doesn't affect them.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:15Jay Shetty?

  So it's kind of like a bit of both, like where you think, oh, well, that person has so much money. So they're not upset by these kind of comments.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  Right.

• 35:21Jay Shetty?

  Or they're not upset by these things.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:23Jay Shetty?

  This person has so much fame or whatever it may be. And the truth is, none of that's true. Like, no matter how much money you have or followers you have, or we're all humans and we all experience emotions. And we all can be made to feel small or tiny or insignificant by anyone in our lives.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 35:42Jay Shetty?

  And it doesn't, it is not affected that way. So anyone who hasn't already, um, who would love to learn more about Lily's journey and everything inside of it, whether it's, you know, Lily talks about mental health, talks about eating disorders that she's gone through. And I just really feel that if you're someone right now who's working through a lot of your self-confidence, self-esteem, then, um, the book's gonna be a great, almost support and friend for you to, to guide you through that. You know, and it's, it's really in a friendly tone and, and, and I think we can all use a, a good friend, uh, sometimes in that way to guide you through. So I, I read this, uh, that you said this, and it's just, it was really new for me. I'd never heard anyone say that before.

• 36:25Jay Shetty?

  So you said that you refer to acting as a form of meditation.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:29Jay Shetty?

  Uh, to sit in stillness if only for a moment. And that was so beautiful to me because I can totally understand how acting is a meditation. But to hear you say that and your journey, tell us a bit about how your acting journey started? And what your intention was and what your purpose was when you first got involved? And then how that evolved to it being that?

• 36:53Speaker 01

  It's super interesting because I know you're all about meditation and that's how we met. Um, and I, it's funny because I wasn't fully versed in meditation for a long time. Um, I've obviously heard about it, I've read about it, and I didn't know what it meant for me. I'm someone who has 10 million things going on in my head. My friends say it must be exhausting being me sometimes, that I didn't know how to quiet myself. Um, in, in order to kind of think, reflect and be introspective and all that. So it is an interesting thing to say that then taking on a new character helps me do that. But, um, I, I truly believe. As a storyteller, you get to take people on a journey with you to another place.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  As a kid, my dad used to read stories to me before bed and he would make all these different funny accents and voices and he'd he'd act out the stories and I remember falling asleep to these different worlds in my head that had stemmed from a book and I just, I remember thinking, I want to take people on that journey with me. I want to be one of the facilitators in that escapism and I loved dressing up, I loved, I loved telling stories, I loved being different people in order to find me.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  I find that it's very therapeutic to research a character, to find our similarities and also our differences and see how much about myself I can learn through not only the character, but also the experience of filming it. Because sometimes, for me at least, the process of filming a show or a movie is almost more important than how many people see it at the end. Because I know that this character is going to teach me a lot about myself. And it's going to really push me, whether it's physically push me with the physicality of the role or the emotional side of the role. And so for me, I really feel like when I have certain moments, and they're not all the time.

• 38:49Speaker 01

  There are these rare moments that I cherish where at the end of a take, you can think back thirty seconds before and go, I don't even know what I just did. I don't know what just happened. I could never repeat that. That moment was this magical moment of deep stillness within me where I was completely, completely present. Nothing else mattered. The text that I was sending before didn't flash before my eyes. Tonight's like show of whatever is not in my brain, you know. Nobody was on set around me, even though there's a crew of like fifty. You know, you truly, I have disappeared into that moment and something came out in me that came from this

• 39:32Speaker 01

  place of knowing and stillness. And to me, I look for that in meditation. I look for these

• 39:40Speaker 01

  These little gifts of magic that come from moments of being so present. And I'm someone who, as a kid, I was like the ultimate worrier. Like, I would worry that people weren't having fun. I would worry that I wasn't doing enough or being proactive enough. And so I was so focused on either the past or the future. Am I doing enough? Did I do enough? Not, am I doing enough now in the moment? And so, anything that I can do to feel more present, I welcome. And when you're acting, you have to be in that moment. It's like what you do as well, though. When you're talking to someone, when you're interviewing, when you're a human being who's having a conversation. If you're focused on what you just talked about

• 40:24Speaker 01

  or a question you want to talk about in five minutes, you could miss an entirely magical moment of, wow, they're leading me down a path that I'm not even following. I'm just jumping straight to the end, you know? And it's the same in acting. And there are so many moments as an actor that you can pre-plan. You can know what you want to do. But then, if someone throws you a curveball, they either forget a line, they say a line differently, they add something, or they're just a completely different energy. It won't make any sense if you don't read what they're doing in the moment. And so, for me, that's very much meditation. It's being present within yourself.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  And I find that acting and the craft of acting allows me to be more present. And it's weird, because sometimes I'm not even present as Lily. I'm present as the character, you know? But at the same time, it's obviously me. So I do find it a deep form of meditation in that way.

• 41:24Jay Shetty?

  I love that. That's beautifully described. And it makes so much sense.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  Right.

• 41:27Jay Shetty?

  And it's almost like, all of us, when you're discovering your purpose, maybe ultimately, your purpose is something that makes you feel present. Like, maybe that's what it is. It's something that really makes you feel happy with just being in the moment.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:41Jay Shetty?

  Tell us about a role that you think taught you the most about yourself offline or off-screen.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  Oh, my god. I, honestly, one of those kind of...

• 41:51Speaker 01

  Meant to be meta moments was when I was writing my book at the same time. And I had just written my chapter where I discussed my experiences with eating disorders. And a week later, I got the script for this movie To the Bone, where I play a character who's suffering with eating disorders. And it was a real like aha moment for me. Um, I had goosebumps when I, when I read the script because I went, oh my God, I just decided to open up to myself about this and now to the world in this book. And now I'm having this opportunity to explore playing a character where it would actually be physically me opening up on screen as this character.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  Um, and to me, I knew that the journey of making that film with Marty Knoxen, the director writer, who also experienced eating disorders. And it's partly biographical of her life. Um, that I would be nurtured through it in a whole new way. And that it would be a healing process for me. Even though I was past that phase of my life, I knew I had so much insight to give. Um, as an actor to the character and an insight from experiences I had just reread in my journals. And then I knew that the story that, that my character was going through, the shooting of that would inform my book.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  And I thought, oh my God, this is, this is like a meeting of the minds. This is when your craft, your art and life are completely mirroring one another. And I would, it would be foolish not to jump on this. A lot of people, of course, were concerned that, that that would be a risk for me.

• 43:31Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, uncomfortable to revisit it almost.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  Totally. And I, and I, and I understood, I respected, I, I really understood their, their concern. But I, I had again, that deep sense of knowing that I channeled and tapped into. And at that point, I was so centered within myself, talking about my experiences. And so, um, like I had admitted it to myself that everyone on set knew.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  I wasn't hiding anything about my experiences. And therefore, not only was I keeping myself accountable, but I had all these people that knew, all these people keeping me accountable. And I was nurtured through it, and it was a real sense of healing in a way that I never had had before. Because my story is dissimilar to my characters in a lot of ways. And seeking professional opinion for a character really helped me let go of things I thought I'd already let go of. You know, like talking to professors at universities about certain bullet points of characteristics of people that have gone through very specific eating disorders.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  I could go back and look at myself and read things I wrote when I was 16, 17 years old and go, "Oh, I thought that was unique about me. Oh, right, okay. I understand now that a lot of people feel that same way." And I used it as an excuse to continue suffering. Whereas, it wasn't an excuse. It was something that was actually, if I had only opened up about it sooner, I would have realized there were people to talk to. You know, so it was really interesting to learn and grow through that. And then, at the end of it, you know, show the movie and at the same time then say to the world, "I also went through this."

• 45:22Speaker 01

  And that was, I just let go of so much at that moment. I started as a blank slate. I no longer felt that when I was taking on a role, that I was carrying baggage of my own. I could drop that at the door and only take on the baggage of my character. Which, by the way, it was like super heavy before. I like could hardly walk. And then all of a sudden, I was like, "Oh, wow. Like, no one's judging me." That was just all me judging me, you know?

• 45:47Speaker 02

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• 45:56Speaker 03

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• 46:04Speaker 04

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• 46:08Speaker 03

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• 46:11Speaker 04

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• 46:12Speaker 03

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• 46:18Speaker 05

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• 46:47Speaker 06

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• 47:03Jay Shetty?

  There's so much bravery in that, though, because I feel like, I always feel like when you step out of, when you've moved away from a state that you were in.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:13Jay Shetty?

  And then you help others connect with that and help others move out of that. That's such a healing process. I was wondering if you feel, do you feel that, and obviously you're so young yourself, but I mean, do you feel that younger actresses and talent and music, do you feel like they sometimes come to you and ask you for insights and advice or share? Or do you feel that it's so hard for people to share with people in the same space? Because I just feel like what you're sharing can be so helpful. I hear about so many youngest, you know, young stars who struggle with eating disorders or mental health. And I always feel like, well, if there was almost just a community of everyone who talked about just all, because everyone's dealing with, and it's not the same way or it's not the same feeling,

• 47:56Jay Shetty?

  but they're dealing with similar challenges at similar stages in life.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  You know, it was interesting. I had, and I speak about it in the book, but there was this young woman who I was speaking to one day, and she was talking about a specific actress who she really wanted to be like, but had read an interview where they stated, you know, "I never work out. I eat what I want to eat," and all this stuff. And, and, and she said, you know, "I just will never look like that, and I know they don't need to do anything, and I feel like I'm just like born differently." And I went, okay, you read an interview where I can tell you firsthand. That was a lie. I know that that's not true. It's it's an image that they're putting out there um out of not feeling comfortable. They're not gonna they they're not at the point yet to share what they've experienced.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  But I can tell you that's not true of everyone. That's that is uh a facade. Um and you are not differently born, you know, we're not from a different planet. Because she said, you know, I just feel like actresses in general are like from another planet. Like, I'm never gonna look like you, I'm never gonna be. And I'm like, whoa, like, that trajectory is so scary and so far from the truth. And when I then wrote about my experiences and I and I put it out there, I did actually have quite a few emails from people within the industry saying, you know, and again, it was very much, I think they knew that I would keep it private. Um and just said, I just wanted to share with you. Thank you so much for for for writing this.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Also, thank you for making something like To The Bone, because that was me. Um and I don't feel like we talk about it enough. And I'm not at the place yet to talk about it. I hope I will one day. But like, thank you for saying that this is something that's that's A, that's real, and B, that it's not shameful, because I'm still feeling that shame. And I know that one day I won't, but like, maybe I can talk to you. And I was like, of course you can. I'm I'm seriously like an open book, and I welcome any of that. Um I was a teen therapist when I was in high school, so I'm like, I'm all about that. I love that, you know. Um but it's true.

• 50:09Speaker 01

  I feel like there's it, we all have different experiences within um mental health. Um but we all feel the same feelings. They just may come from different situations and experiences. No one or the other is better, worse, more important, less important. It's all relative. And the important thing is just that the core emotions and where they come from can be related to. And it doesn't matter who you are, what you do, what industry you're in. Um and I and I just, I feel like it's important for more young people within the public eye that have a platform to at least just not actively put out a false image.

• 50:53Speaker 01

  Because that just continues that domino effect.

• 50:57Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, no, and I think the strongest part of what you said there, which I feel is like it's all relative. I feel like so many people are struggling, then they compare their they compare their challenge or their issue or their pain to someone else's.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:09Jay Shetty?

  And then you feel like, oh, well, I should feel better because mine's not as bad as theirs.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 51:13Jay Shetty?

  Or I, they shouldn't be allowed to share their pain because mine's much worse.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:18Jay Shetty?

  And I think that comparison.

• 51:19Speaker 01

  Oh, comparison can be the worst. And I still find myself sometimes comparing myself, even though I talk about not doing that. It's a human quality. It's like, it's natural to all of a sudden jump to, oh, well, I shouldn't because it's not as bad, or, you know, who am I to say this? Or, and you, you have to remind yourself, the fact that you're feeling these things is proof that you're feeling these things and you need to talk about it and, and you just, you cannot compare yourself to other people, even though that's like the first reaction you want to have, because it is all relative and we all, we all are going through the same things, especially at a time like right now. It's like comparison can be the death. Like you just, you cannot, you'll fall into a trap that, that makes things so much worse, I think.

• 52:02Jay Shetty?

  So Lily, I wanted to talk about Emily in Paris, because me and Brody, ever since we saw the trailer, we've been like waiting for today to watch it. Because I saw the trailer and I was just like, oh, this looks like so much fun. And, you know, I think all of us have been seeking not just travel, but like fun and experiences right now. Because I think a lot of our experiences have been limited. And I want you to tell us, what drew you towards this role of Emily?

• 52:31Speaker 01

  God, you know, I, this was in no way something that came to me and said, this is yours. This was a fight. This was, uh, I had to really go after it and I knew that I loved it the second I read it. You know, a Darren Star project featuring this young woman who was bright, bold, a little bit obvious and just optimistic. I'm like, okay, definitely want that in my life. And, um, this idea that she was in Paris. I mean, it was an American in Paris. Two cultures that are very close to me, you know, European and American. Um, I grew up going to Switzerland a lot and to France a lot with my dad and my little brothers. And so for me, right away, this character drew me in. She had all these attributes that I think.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  Sometimes get a negative rap, like loving to work and admittedly, you know, really passionate about one's work, a romantic, optimistic, like I said, bold, bright, a little bit obvious, and has this can do attitude. And I think there's that fine line between that being a little annoying and endearing and genuine. And I think that Emily is just so unapologetically herself. And that, to me, was the kind of character I want to play. I love rom coms. I love them so much. So do I. I mean, what's not to love, especially right now, when, you know, just laughing and smiling is like, I crave that. But to play a character within that kind of rom com world

• 53:59Speaker 01

  that is just so unapologetically herself and has a depth and has that ability to ask for help. You know, like, it goes back to everything we were saying, that asking for help is not a weakness, it's a strength. It's like knowing when you need a team and know who, you know, who has different skill sets than you. And also knowing when you're good at something and being like, no, I'm good at that. And not being ashamed to say, I'm good at that. And this is my job and I'm here for a reason. It's, it's that boldness of voice that I loved about her. And the brightness about her, because I thought, wow, I think playing Emily is gonna help me a lot. It's gonna make me be super resourceful. It's gonna make me be slightly even more optimistic than I already am. And it's, you know, she has to pivot so much within her experience.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  She's judged a lot. She is throwing curveballs. And, and I, I mean, little did I know that we would then be having it come out during a time where everyone in the world has had to pivot daily. Like, how do you stay creative when all your distractions are taken away? Self-identity. Who am I when these things are stripped away? A metaphorical mirror is placed in front of you all the time. You're judging yourself. You're having to think about all the things that you don't necessarily love about the way you handle things and how can I do things better? And that's what Emily was going through. And she almost like gave me these tools. A year before I knew that I was gonna need them, which I'm so grateful for, but it's just fun. And I think I'm just so honored to be a part of something right now

• 55:29Speaker 01

  that can make someone laugh or smile. Like, at the end of the day, that is the gift of why I wanna do what I do.

• 55:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, and I definitely am excited to feel that way. And literally, the tiny trailer gave it anyway. Like, there's such a beautiful energy about it. But you've also said it's like, it's a story of self-love.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 55:48Jay Shetty?

  Tell us a bit about that, elaborate on that, of like, how what you just shared with us is actually a journey of self-love with this character.

• 55:55Speaker 01

  Well, so Emily is in the city of love, right? So everyone, you know, I've been asked the question of, you know, so it's so much about romance, and Emily finds all these different people, and she goes and has these experiences. And I go, well, you could look at it that way. But the way that I see it is, you learn so much about yourself and what you like and what you don't like through your experiences with other people. So for me, I take from it that she is going on this experience and this journey of loving who she is and being unapologetic about who she is, that she's strong enough to say, "No, thank you, that's not the one for me." Or, "Oh, I like that quality, but he's not willing to give as much as I am." Or, "That was wrong, goodbye," you know?

• 56:38Speaker 01

  And so I think it takes a real strong sense of self and love to be able to have those experiences, see them for what they are, and move on. And Emily, and you know, it's not a spoiler, it's from the trailer, she and her boyfriend break up right when she goes to Paris, because he is not willing to meet her halfway. And she finds that it's actually a relationship that she was way more into giving than he was. And she realizes that the upcoming journey for her, she has no idea what it's gonna be like, but she knows that that experience is far more necessary within her life than someone who's not willing to treat her the way that she deserves to be treated. And that, to me, set the tone of, okay, this is an adventure and story about self-love. This is a girl going to a foreign city with a job that she wasn't expecting.

• 57:22Speaker 01

  And she's gonna have to thrive and she's not gonna give up. And you have to find ways to love yourself while being judged. She's judged every day. If she took all of that and it and and took it to heart in a way that made her upset and and deterred her from continuing, she would have gone home.

• 57:36Jay Shetty?

  Yeah.

• 57:37Speaker 01

  But she doesn't. She stays and, you know, she meets all these people along the way. And I think that she starts to embrace herself more through the work that she does there.

• 57:46Jay Shetty?

  I feel like that sounds like how I felt when I first moved to New York.

• 57:49Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, I can't even imagine.

• 57:51Jay Shetty?

  Which is like four years ago. I can relate to so much of that. Like, I feel like me and my wife had just got married. And six months later, we moved to New York for an unexpected job that I was had no plans for. And it was.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 58:02Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, it was it was it's I it's almost like I can relate to so many parts of it already, which is which is exciting. But tell tell tell me, have you and your fiance been to Paris together yet?

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, so he actually came out so many times during filming, which makes this even more special because almost all the scenes that I reference in terms of like my favorite scenes or just my favorite memories. I'm like, oh, he was right behind the camera. Or in between takes, we were at the Paris Opera House. We had that, you know, all night to shoot in and he was there. And so there we are, like, running down the hallways, like, you know, he kissed me in that hallway and I'm looking at the mural and we're taking photos. And I'm like, wait, this is that was real life, you know? And so it's very much a city that I associate with him and I. And just how wonderful to be able to have a work experience and a job

• 58:53Speaker 01

  mean so much because of a personal experience and to be able to share that with him. And I think it only aided me working, you know, to be surrounded by that love. Of course, then my character is gonna feel that love within herself. And it really helped hold me up because it was the hardest I've ever worked. Being in like every scene of that show, talking 24/7. And my character talks a lot. And she has these like long monologues where she just goes at it. And so to have that like support system was was so necessary.

• 59:25Jay Shetty?

  Oh, I love that. I'm so glad. That's awesome. You were there for four months, you were saying?

• 59:29Speaker 01

  I was, yeah.

• 59:30Jay Shetty?

  You were filming. Tell us about what, I mean, that was obviously all pre-COVID and it was last year.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:36Jay Shetty?

  Tell us about what that experience was like being in a different city for four months.

• 59:40Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, it was so fun. I'd been to Paris many times before, but usually only for a few days, whether it's for a job or press or something like that. So to be a local of sorts with an apartment and, you know, I miss so much the beauty of wandering and getting lost. Everything now is so intention-based, whether it's, you know, I'm going here for this amount of time. I can't wander. I'm going to pick this up. I'm going to go back home. I'm going to be safe. And I I'm so on board with that, of course. But I miss the ability of losing track of time because you're just experiencing life and being spontaneous. Like, I miss that. And Paris is such a beautiful city to do that. You're wandering down like cobblestone side streets and you're like, I'm going to grab a coffee here.

• 1:00:23Speaker 01

  I'm going to go into this bookshop. Oh, my God, it's been six hours, you know? And you're just wandering and and the city is is so aesthetically gorgeous and has such a rich history that you can't help but fall in love with the city every single time you go. That being said, I had many experiences that were very similar to Emily in that like I lost hot water in my apartment for two weeks, no heating when it was starting to get cold.

• 1:00:45Jay Shetty?

  Was that the directors playing tricks?

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  I literally said that. I was like, guys, I already have enough empathy for Emily. I don't need to feel more. And so I ended up like showering at the studio or like, you know, it was just, it was pretty funny. But Paris is a character. It's a character in and of itself. And I feel like that translates aesthetically into the into the show. But also when you go there, you just know. You know that you never know what you're gonna get. And I kind of love that.

• 1:01:15Jay Shetty?

  Yeah, well, everyone who's listening or watching right now, you have to go and watch the show. It's out right now. And we all need to laugh right now, like we genuinely do. We need to laugh, we need to smile, we need to feel like we're having new experiences. And, you know, I just, I'm genuinely so excited to see it. Because I feel like me and my wife have been like crying out for a new rom com for a while.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  Oh my god, it's like those rom coms that you wish they still made from the 90s or the early 2000s.

• 1:01:39Jay Shetty?

  I'm so glad you just said that.

• 1:01:40Speaker 01

  Oh my god, are you kidding me? I'm like, why is no one financing these movies anymore? Because we need them now.

• 1:01:45Jay Shetty?

  Literally.

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  So we get 10 episodes of that.

• 1:01:47Jay Shetty?

  I love it.

• 1:01:48Speaker 01

  So hoping for a season two.

• 1:01:50Jay Shetty?

  I love it. Well, no, we're hoping to, and I can't wait to watch it. I want to end, you know, we end every On Purpose interview with the final five.

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:01:57Jay Shetty?

  Which are the final five rapid fire round, the fast five. So you have to answer every question in one word or one sentence maximum.

• 1:02:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, this is always so hard.

• 1:02:05Jay Shetty?

  Yes, okay, so your first one is, oh, I've got such a nice choice in selection.

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  Oh god.

• 1:02:12Jay Shetty?

  I'm gonna go, let's start with, how would you define your purpose right now?

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  Um, my purpose right now.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  Stay present.

• 1:02:31Jay Shetty?

  I love that, that's beautiful.

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  Because there's so many things right now that could take me off the ground into another place and just lose myself. And what's most important right now is, is being present and not allowing any of the outside talk to take me away from what's most important. You know, I'm, I'm so excited about everything that's going on professionally. But I also just got engaged, and that to me is like the most exciting, craziest thing. And to me, I'm like, that's my, that's my focus. Like, that's a huge part of my life that I just. Always wanted, but didn't know when it would happen.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  And that to me is like, stay present, stay present, stay present.

• 1:03:21Jay Shetty?

  I love that. That's so beautiful. I, I, I remember back to when me and my wife were getting married.

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:27Jay Shetty?

  And Indian weddings last for like seven days.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:03:32Jay Shetty?

  And, and it was just, I look back and I'm like, I'm really glad it lasted for seven days because it went so fast.

• 1:03:37Speaker 01

  I can't imagine, yeah.

• 1:03:38Jay Shetty?

  And it was, without it, it was the most special time ever. And it's really funny because in the run up to the wedding, especially having lived as a monk, like weddings weren't really like top of mind for me. So even when I was getting married, about to get married, I was so like, yeah, it's a wedding, but we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together and we love each other. And when I was actually getting married, I was like, this is amazing.

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:57Jay Shetty?

  You know, it was just, and, and wanting to be present with it, like just recognizing how special it was.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:02Jay Shetty?

  And, and is, but yeah, no, I love that. I think that's, you're giving yourself the best advice. All right, uh, question number two. What's, two, what's a non-negotiable in life for you? Like, what is something that you don't negotiate with on a daily basis?

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Don't, uh, I don't wanna feel small. Don't, don't, um, try to quiet my voice, cuz I've, I've been there, I've done that. It's taken so long for me to, um, build it up and to make it loud and to own it. That I, I, I just, a non-negotiable is, is, is making me feel quieted.

• 1:04:39Jay Shetty?

  Perfect, I love that. That's beautiful. Question number three, what's the biggest lesson you've learned in the last 12 months?

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  It's okay to show someone that you're not perfect. It doesn't mean that they're gonna leave. You know, it's like, you've gotta be all versions of yourself.

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  Because at the end of the day, that's life. And the right person will love all those sides. Uh, and in quarantine, you definitely experience all sides. And, um, you can't be perfect all the time.

• 1:05:10Jay Shetty?

  I love that. Uh, question number four, what's something that you've been certain of in life that you think other people might disagreed with you on? What's something that you're sure about that? Um. Other people may debate or may not agree.

• 1:05:24Speaker 01

  Uh, oh, that's really good. Um, I.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm gonna, I've got an answer, but it's actually, okay, I'll just say it. I'll just say it.

• 1:05:35Jay Shetty?

  Just say it.

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  When I was 16, I was pitching talk show ideas of being a 16-year-old vocalizing myself on current topics, emotional topics, and bridging the gap between my generation and my moms. I was turned down at every single place that I went. I was told that no one wanted that perspective, and why would anyone want to watch a kid talk about those types of things? Cut to now, where the youth has an incredibly huge voice, means everything in terms of the future, and I just knew it was something that I felt so strongly about that I continue to vocalize now in encouraging, whether it's voting, or vocalizing oneself in mental health

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  issues, or current topics in general. Young people need to feel like their voice is heard. And I was, like, I really was told no so many times, but I just knew so deeply that it was something that needed to be done and to be said.

• 1:06:30Jay Shetty?

  Love it. Great answer. And fifth and final question.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:06:35Jay Shetty?

  If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

• 1:06:39Speaker 01

  Oh my god. Um, one law? Oh, boy. Um...

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  God, your questions are hard.

• 1:06:52Jay Shetty?

  Really, you should have been prepared. I mean, you like, you listened.

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  I know, I know. Um, one law that everyone should follow is, um, don't lie. They're gonna get, it's gonna catch up.

• 1:07:09Jay Shetty?

  That's great.

• 1:07:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, don't lie. It's not worth it.

• 1:07:12Jay Shetty?

  That's a great law. I love it. Thank you so much, Lily Collins, everyone.

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  Thank you for having me.

• 1:07:17Jay Shetty?

  Everyone who's been listening or watching today, Lilly has shared so many amazing insights with us. Make sure that you share them on Instagram, tag both of us, because I love seeing what connected with you. I love seeing what actually stayed with you, because I really think there's so many parts of this episode that are gonna have a huge impact on your journey, your life, and your relationships. And of course, please go and grab a copy of Lilly's book. Unfiltered, no shame, no regrets, just me. And we'll put the link in the caption. And also, go and check out Emily in Paris. Let's watch, tweet, comment, Instagram, all at the same time, so that we can experience it together. Thank you for everyone who's been watching today. A big thank you to Lily. And thank you so much, everyone. We'll see you again next week.

• 1:08:25Speaker 08

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