Consent Starts at Home

The big, high-risk moments start with small parenting ones—Dr. Becky explains how everyday interactions lay the foundation for consent, self-trust, and emotional safety.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  After my first baby was born, I treated my own recovery like a complete afterthought. If the baby needed something, I showed up immediately. If I needed something, well, it would wait. But research shows that when parents have the support they need, they're better able to care for their children. Taking care of yourself isn't separate from parenting. It's a huge part of parenting. That's why I love Frida's mission to prepare women for the realities of pregnancy, postpartum, recovery, and feeding. Frida creates solutions for the moments that often catch moms off guard. The Postpartum Essentials Kit and Breastfeeding Survival Kit help women feel more prepared for those early weeks of motherhood. Be motherhood prepared and shop Frida at Amazon, Target, and Walmart today.

• 0:43Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  We all want our kids to be confident, to be resilient, to stand up for themselves, to know that they can say no sometimes. And at the same time, I've just been hearing from parents constantly, do I want that so bad for my kid when they're older that it feels like they are the pilot of the plane now? Like I'm walking on eggshells? Like I have to say yes to everything? Like their feelings end up dictating what we do? What is the balance here? How can I raise kids who are confident, who know what they want, but how can I not lose myself in the process and feel completely exhausted, overwhelmed, and frankly, a little

• 1:20Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  resentful? And when my kid says no, how do I listen to them in a way that gives them that internal confidence and builds their voice, but also lets them know that I'm the adult right now? And a lot of the times, I have to make decisions that they're not happy about. Today, we're going to be talking about these themes. In a way, we're talking about Confidence, self-trust, assertiveness. We're also talking about consent because so many moments when our kids are young have to do with, who do I trust? Can I trust my own body?

• 2:04Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Can I assert myself? When my parent needs to make a decision, but I feel differently as a kid? How do we get through that? This episode's going to be a really good one, and I promise you by the end, you'll have a really new way to think about building your kid's confidence. And you won't feel so stuck. It won't feel like either I get to be in charge, or I get to help my kid become assertive. You'll see a way, or you can really do both. I'm Dr. Becky, and this is Good Inside. We'll be back right after this.

• 2:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content. One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the "Make Your Own" cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind-down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable. Homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run

• 3:25Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only, ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only. I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean.

• 4:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space empty, you can list it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host.

• 4:49Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So I was at a family friend's house over the weekend and I walk in and the scene played out where most people wouldn't have thought twice about what happened. But I don't know if you ever have these moments where you see your kid do something and then you think, oh, my goodness, that was years in the making. And it might look small to anyone else. Honestly, it might be unnoticed to anyone else. But to me, I was bursting with pride and I honestly couldn't wait to come here and tell you about it. So here's what happened. My friend said to one of my kids, hey, haven't seen you in so long. Come here, give me a big hug. It was completely well intentioned. My friend was bursting with excitement to see my kids. It had been, I don't know, multiple years. And here's what my child said. I can give you a high five? Okay.

• 5:32Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You might be thinking, I'm still waiting for the punchline. That is the punchline.

• 5:38Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Hey, I'm so excited. Let me give you a hug. In that moment, my child somehow scanned their body and thought, is that something I want? Do I want to give a hug now between you and me? This is a child where hugs are reserved for people they feel really, really close with. A hug to someone that isn't so known, it's totally not this kid's jam. And my child knew that in that moment. And not only that, but then had presence of mind and groundedness and an idea to offer a different way to connect that was within their comfort zone.

• 6:20Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  A high five. Okay, my friend didn't even react. Said, "Oh, great. High five." They had a high five. And the day continued. But here's the rewind I want to do. There are so many moments when our kids are young, where they are asked to give a hug, to sit on a lap, to do something around their body that maybe they feel comfortable with. And if they do, it's not even something we need to talk about. But there are other kids where they are not. You can tell. They start clinging to you. They move behind you. They resist. They want to do something in a different direction. They run away. And it can feel like there's, I don't know,

• 7:03Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  family, family, friends, societal pressure. Like, if I was a good parent, I quote, "wouldn't have a kid who makes a big deal out of this." But between you and me, you know what I want my kid to always make a big deal out of? The things that they have signals around in their body. When their body is saying, "I don't want to connect in that way. I don't want this level of intimacy. I don't want a certain type of touch." I really mean this. Even if it's inconvenient, I hope my kid always can listen to that signal and can assert themselves. And I promise you, that ability, it doesn't just develop. It's not something they're gifted at age 15.

• 7:47Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  It's not something they're gifted at their first college party. It's something we can, in our homes, help them develop. Now, I want to get ahead of something because I think it's really easy in this moment to say, "Oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness, oh, my goodness, ma. I think I messed up. I think I, oh, I missed the window. I totally have put pressure on my kid to hug grandma. Come on, it's not that big of a deal. Come on, it would make grandpa so happy." Let me talk to you directly.

• 8:15Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  If we believe in anything at Good Inside, it's two things, that there are no such things as perfect parents, and that repair is the most important strategy we have. It is never too late to change how we handle these moments. It is never too late to say to our kids, hey, in the past, I've often said things like, hey, why don't you just make this person happy? Or hug this person? And I'm sorry I said that. The truth is, if your body ever has a signal that you don't want to touch someone or connect with someone in a certain way, it is actually my job to help you listen to that and learn to honor that and stand up for yourself. So we're going to do it differently going forward. Boom. Huge.

• 9:00Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Now, I know, going back to this story, that my child's ability to say, hey, let's high five instead, again, was built over so many years. And I want to be honest, over a lot of kind of awkward moments, moments where maybe I question myself, oh, do I have a kid who's being difficult? Oh, all the other cousins are being so easy. But holy moly, in this moment, I couldn't have felt prouder of my kid. And I honestly, I think it's okay to say this. I couldn't have felt prouder of kind of the family environment that we've tried to create to honor your body's signals and then, over time, learn ways to communicate

• 9:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  that both respect your boundaries and might still offer other ways to connect with other people. What we're talking about is not just an unwanted hug from a family friend. We're really talking about something much more core around consent, which is, who knows my body best?

• 10:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Who knows what I like? Who knows what I'm ready for?

• 10:17Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Is it okay to listen to my own voice even if it upsets other people? Oh, those are the big questions that matter more and more as our kids get older. And today, I want to talk about those questions and think about so many different moments where we can really empower our kids and maybe in the process like re-empower ourselves. Because when you say things to your kids that you really needed someone else to say to you, you're kind of saying it to yourself at the same time. And that's literally a win for everyone.

• 10:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content. One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the make your own cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable. Homework time feels calmer and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run

• 11:39Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only, ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only. I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean.

• 12:23Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space empty, you can list it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host.

• 13:03Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So here's a question I often get from parents. As soon as I start talking about wiring our kids for consent, for confidence, for feeling like they know their body best. Parent will often say, okay, Dr. Becky, what about this? Every time I ask my kid to brush their teeth, they go, I know my body best. I don't want to brush my teeth. Every time I say to my kid, whoa, I'm not going to let you hit. I know my body best. I want to hit. I'm just supposed to let my kid who knows their body best, like do whatever they want? Kind of like drive the car, walk all over me? This is an amazing question. And first of all, let me just be clear. My answer is no, no.

• 13:44Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  In my house, my kids not say, I know my body best and I would like an ice cream sundae for every breakfast. And I don't say, oh, good job listening to your body. That is definitely not what happens in my home. And I think we're conflating two things, okay? We're conflating helping our kid learn to trust the signals in their body with things that they want always being things that they get. Those are two very different things. We can help our kids build up confidence and self-trust even as we set key boundaries.

• 14:27Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Now, if we go back to the example of hugging, that would be a perfect example where I'm not going to flex my parental authority. I'm not going to make my kid hug someone and override this feeling they have of, I am not ready for touch and that level of intimacy yet. Why? Because I want my kids, when they get older and are in situations where they're judging how close and almost literally quote, how far to go with other people, I want them to know I have an internal barometer I can trust. Not, I'm gonna look at the other person and see what they want from me and think it's my job to give it to them.

• 15:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I'm gonna say that again because it's heavy and it matters. When my kids are older and it comes to intimacy in relationships and closeness and touch, I want their circuitry to say, I know what I'm ready for. I know my pace and I can trust that. Not, I'm going to look around and find the other person and see what they want of me and use that to determine my behavior. No.

• 15:40Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Now, that is different in my mind from what you get for breakfast, from how much TV you get to watch. And I want you to know, you can still wire, as I say, build circuitry for consent and confidence in those situations even when you set a boundary. Here's a good example. Okay, let's say TV time is over. If your kid is like my kid and any kid I know, they ask for more TV. Why? Not because they're ungrateful, not because they're trying to prove their power, because, I don't know, it's just hard to end TV shows. I know for me, it's hard to go to bed and not kind of put on another show. We all want more things. So here's my kid whining and complaining, but I'm not ready for bed yet,

• 16:25Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  but I want another TV show. Now, one way of responding to our kid is just to shut that down. Stop, you're being ridiculous, right? Stop, we always watch X many TV shows and it's that X number, it's time to go to bed. Why are you so difficult? But I want you to watch this. First of all, I love that you're a kid who can ask for what they want. Or, "I love that you're a kid that knows what you want." Like, "You're a kid who knows you want another TV show." "That's actually so cool, and I believe you." And, "My job involves making decisions sometimes that are good for you long-term, or good for your health, even if, short-term, that's kind of hard."

• 17:07Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And one of those decisions is bedtime, and one of those decisions is screen time, and one of those decisions is what is offered for breakfast, whatever it is." If you're thinking, "That's too many words for my kid," you could say it very simply. That's what I'd probably do in real life. I'd probably just say, "Oh, you really want another TV show. I totally get that, and TV time is over. You're allowed to be upset. I'm here with you, we'll get through it, and pretty soon we'll start brushing your teeth." That's it. I'm validating what's happening for them. I'm allowing their protestant feelings to kind of give them the message, "You do know what you want." And honestly, sometimes I say, especially to my daughter, "I think it's really cool that you're a kid who knows what they want." Really cool.

• 17:52Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And, never but. And, whatever decision I'm making. I think, big picture, because I think that's what I always think about at Good Inside. Like, we are long-term greedy in our parenting approach. It's not just about the moment. It's about how we try to intervene in moments to help today and build for tomorrow. We cannot encourage compliance in childhood and expect assertiveness in adulthood. If our goal is quick, quiet compliance, don't say another word. Your voice doesn't matter here, because you're eight, that's why. It's a ridiculous thing to ask. If you ask me again, I am going to...

• 18:37Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And I don't always say some threat that we're never gonna follow through on. That's what I do at least, okay? We do that. What we're really saying to our kid isn't, "It's my job to hold boundaries." What we're really saying to our kid is, "Your voice about what you want is dangerous. Your voice about what you want is wrong. Your job is to not only quiet what you say to others, your job to stay safe is to quiet the voice inside yourself that's giving you a signal about what you like and what you want." Now, the other part of my job as a parent, right? Besides allowing some feelings to come out, allowing the protest is to hold my boundaries, right?

• 19:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So encouraging assertiveness in adulthood, that doesn't come from letting your kid get everything they want. No, that will encourage a lot of entitlement. That's not what we want. There's a duality here that we try to hold at Good Inside all the time, right? And if it feels hard to hold that duality, you're not alone. Most of us didn't have it held for us and we live in a world where it's becoming increasingly hard to hold two things at once, right? So you're not crazy if this feels hard. What I'm saying is that we want to tell our kids some version of you're allowed to feel that way. I believe you. That thing is real. Or even once in a while, it's cool you know what you want.

• 19:59Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And there are certain decisions that are mine to make, and this is one of them. Now, I'm actually leading my kids while I am really building that circuitry for self-trust, for confidence, and for trusting your own body, which is really what consent is all about.

• 20:23Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fire place where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean. Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset together as a family before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space empty, you can list

• 21:08Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at airbnb.com/host. Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodot, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodot's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodot has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content.

• 21:50Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the "Make Your Own" cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind-down routine with Yodot's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure, thanks to Yodot, mornings feel more manageable. Homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves, making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at yodoplay.com. New customers only, ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only.

• 22:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So one of the things I love is that we've broadened the conversation. I think we talk about consent a lot, just in terms of like hugging a grandparent or sitting on, you know, your aunt's lap, and that is one version. But if we broaden the conversation, I find it a lot more hopeful because we can see so many other areas of our kid's life where we can build the circuitry for consent because we see it's actually really about developing trust that you really do feel the way you feel, and that you can trust that you can listen to your own voice. Obviously, one of those examples is about hugging or interacting physically with family members, right? Do I want to be tickled? Do I want to have anybody, you know, sit right next to me on the couch? There are so many other examples of this, too.

• 23:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Because if we realize that consent and confidence really comes from trusting your signals in your body, there are so many other moments where that comes up day to day. And so I just want to tell you a story that really struck me, right, in my own family. So we're driving in the car, right, and my three kids are in the backseat. And if you, you know, also have three kids, you know, any long drive with three kids across is like a disaster. They're just touching each other, they're bothering each other, you're on my side of the seat, no, I'm not, it's too hot, it's too cold, I want the window open, I want the window closed, you're dead, the whole situation was happening. And it happened to be a pretty hot day, okay? And so we wanted the AC on, most of us did, right? And then one of my kids opened the window, right?

• 24:01Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And so here it is, it's like now getting really, really hot in the car because it's really, really hot outside. And, you know, me, my husband are all like, oh, it's so hot, it's so hot, it's so hot, right? And one of my kids, my youngest, just goes, I'm really, really cold, okay? And I have to be honest, I don't know if he was really, really cold. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't, I wasn't cold. But to me, this moment happens all the time in parenting. I'm gonna name it for you in a general way. My kid is saying that they're feeling a certain way.

• 24:38Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That feels so far from even being possibly true because I don't feel anywhere near the way they're feeling. My kid is protesting about a red shirt that they hate, and I'm like, but red is your color, right? My kid says, I hate going to school, and I'm thinking, you told me yesterday at school was the best day of your life, right? So we have all of these situations where our kid says something strongly, I'm cold, like, it is 95 degrees in this car, okay?

• 25:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  This to me is actually one of your most bang for your buck moments. Now, I promise you, I understand that they are also very frustrating moments because it feels like your kid and you have these completely different realities and you just need someone else to look at you and be like, no, no, you're not crazy. I see what's happening. But if you say that to yourself, and I mean this, if I can say to myself in that car, Becky, I am cold. If I can say to myself, I know red's the favorite color. If I can say to myself, I know my son just told me yesterday was the best day of his life at school. All of a sudden, I'm not as threatened by my kid's different reality. And you know what I can do then?

• 25:58Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I can build the circuitry or consent and self-trust and confidence. A big idea I just wanted to think about is you don't have to understand someone else's experience to believe it. I want to say that again. You don't have to understand someone else's experience to believe it. And the other thing I want to say is it's not dangerous to believe someone else's experience. I think we all think, oh, then this is going to happen, this, we make up these stories. I promise you, the worst scenarios happen when you invalidate someone's experience

• 26:42Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  because you know what they have to do? Oh, boy, they have to escalate and escalate and escalate their expression in an attempt to be believed. You don't believe that your kid hates their red shirt? You better bet they're going to go around your house taking every red crayon and like throwing it out your house just to prove to you, I don't know what it is. Is it that they don't like red? Is that just their way of saying, I'm uncomfortable today? You don't believe that your kid doesn't want to go to school today or that they hate school? You don't believe it in the moment and you just try to contradict it? You better bet your kid is going to double down on, there is no way you can make me get in the car. So let's get back to the situation because the most interesting thing happened, okay? So we're in the car, my son is claiming he's cold while he opened the window and 95 degree

• 27:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  weather with like 100% humidity is just racing into the car, we're all sweating. And one of my kids said to him, there is no way you are cold. It is not possible.

• 27:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And I'm already laughing because I, I just have seared in my memory his response. "You're not in my body. You don't know how I feel." Maybe that's the thing that needs repeating today. "You're not in my body. You have no idea how I feel."

• 27:59Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Now, I want to tell you how I intervened because again, when my son says that, what I don't say as a parent in the passenger seat is, "You guys, he's cold. We're going to keep the windows open." No, like, these are totally different things. What I ended up saying to him is, "You're cold. I believe you." Or, again, the way you can really try to believe without understanding is just saying, "There's something about this that doesn't feel good to you right now. I believe you. There's something about this that you're still cold. I believe you. There's something about this red shirt you hate. I believe you. There's something about going to school today that doesn't feel good. I believe you."

• 28:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't even have to do the cognitive labor of trying to understand it. We rack our brains. Why would they hate school? They love school yesterday. They love to learn. I just got a good report. We spend so much energy trying to understand. I hope you feel the relief of like, "What, Dr. Becky, you said I don't even have to understand it?" You don't. You literally don't. It's like, "Oh." I just can say, "There's something about this." It's such a good line. It's like almost lazy parenting and effective parenting at the same time. "There's something about this. Doesn't feel good." That's it. Okay?

• 29:13Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  What I ended up doing in the car is I said, "Look, I believe you. You're cold," right? And then I said, "And

• 29:22Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  we are going to close the window." It is one of those days outside where humidity is really high.

• 29:33Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  There's a lot of us who are hot. You are not one of them. And so this car ride is going to feel uncomfortable for you. And I have a feeling we can figure it out.

• 29:44Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I can connect to him, believe him, even if I don't understand. And I can still own my parental authority and set a boundary, all at the same time.

• 30:01Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Here's a question parents ask me all the time. How can I help my kid take ownership of their routine? I love this question because owning a routine is such a good way for kids to build independence and confidence. It's why I'm excited to tell you about Yodo, the screen-free audio player for kids. In the mornings, your kid can wake up with Yodo's alarm clock. When your kid gets home from school, Yodo has focus tracks, audiobooks, music, and learning content. One of my kids really likes to write and record their own stories with the "Make Your Own" cards. Then at night, your kid can build a wind-down routine with Yodo's toothbrush timer, white noise, and nightlight. With the right sounds, stories, and a bit of structure thanks to Yodo, mornings feel more manageable. Homework time feels calmer, and winding down before bed becomes something kids can run themselves,

• 30:46Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  making the whole school year feel a little easier for everyone. Use the code DRBECKY15 for 15% off your order at Yodoplay.com. New customers only, ends October 31st. Terms apply. Offer valid on select products only. I don't know about you, but by the time September rolls around, I am ready for cozy season. That's when I start thinking about Thanksgiving plans and travel that allows me to spend quality time with my family. I'm thinking board games, changing leaves, maybe even a living room with a fireplace where we can read our books together. Maybe you're the kind of family that loves an adventure and wants a cabin in the mountains somewhere. Or maybe you're dreading the end of summer and need to look forward to staying at a home on the beach with a view of the ocean.

• 31:29Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Or maybe you love to cook, so you want to stay in a home with your dream kitchen. Wherever your travel plans take you, it's the perfect time to get a little reset, together as a family, before the holiday season and craziness begins. But here's something you may not have considered. If you're planning to go away this year, leaving your own space empty, you can list it on Airbnb while you're away to give another family some quality time in a home away from home. You get to make use of your space, and you can earn some extra income to put toward your family's future travel plans. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at Airbnb.com/host.

• 32:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay, so we had a bunch of questions submitted from parents, just questions about consent, confidence, self-trust. So I'm gonna take some of them now.

• 32:20Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay. "How do I handle it when other adults push back, like insisting on a hug or telling my kid they're being rude?" So this is a question that I'm tempted to say, "Say this back, I'll give you a script." But here's the problem with scripts, and I promise you we'll get there,

• 32:39Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  is if in the moment, we don't have a framework that helps us stay grounded, if we don't have a way of understanding, if we don't have something to say to ourselves, we are gonna be so activated and kind of panicked

• 32:56Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  that it's like we're in the panic part of our mind when the script to say back is in the calm, sturdy part of our mind. And when we're in the panic part of our mind, we don't have access to any of the good stuff that lives in the calm, sturdy part of our mind. It's kind of like on a shelf in a closet, but we don't have the key, right? Which is just a good thing to think about in general, because if that makes you think, "Oh, is that why I keep yelling at my kid when I want to stay calm? Is that why, even though I kind of know I'm triggered by whining and I want to kind of say these things, I end up just saying these awful things? That is why." Which actually totally changes the aim of what we want to work on, because we want to work on being triggered,

• 33:40Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  which are things that, I promise you, we can help you with, not building up more things than kind of our arsenal of things to say back. So, "How do I handle it when other adults push back, like insisting on a hug or telling my child they're being rude?" I'm gonna kind of upgrade this question. And what I'm gonna do is shift it a little to, "It's very hard for me when adults push back. How can I ground myself so I even have access to something I would want to say back? Or so I have access to the way I want to handle it?" Now we're shifting from focusing on saying back to focusing on gazing in and grounding

• 34:23Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  ourselves and really re-accessing that sturdiness that lives inside of us. So there could be a couple of things. And again, none of these things are going to translate into real life. This is like building a muscle. It's about practice. It's about hearing it a million different times. Right? It's not something that's going to shift overnight. To me, probably the first thing that just comes to mind is it's not my job to make everyone else happy. That feels triggering to hear. I actually suggest you say it aloud, not because you buy it, just as a little experiment with your body. We could do it together. Okay? It is not my job to make the other adults around me happy. I like this experiment.

• 35:08Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I'm going to say another one. We could say it out loud. This is like, kind of like exposure. We're exposing ourselves to new ideas that feel a little anxiety-producing. It's okay if the other adults around me disagree with my parenting decision. And I'm going to say another thing that's going to make you think it's a full circle back to the original idea. I can gaze in and notice what feels right to me instead of gaze out and notice what people want from me. I promise you that is probably the most rewarding journey of parenting. And it's a journey, not a moment, not a podcast, not a script.

• 35:52Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Like, well, how do I gaze in? How do I kind of reparent myself and understand my triggers in a different way? Because I promise you, the impact is not just handling this moment. It's actually like handling every moment in a way that just feels better. So let's say we're a little better at grounding ourselves. How do I actually handle the pushback in a simple way? You know, making up that my kid's name is Bobby. Actually, we don't make Bobby gives hugs. Bobby will say hi in a moment when he's ready. Something like that. Oh, he's being so rude. He's not being rude. He's just doing things on his own timeline. And in our family, that's okay. Sometimes I think the things that we say to other adults, actually, we're not saying to other adults, we're just saying out loud so our kid can understand kind of our alliance

• 36:35Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  with them and giving them a story to even understand their own behavior. Okay, sometimes my kid says, "Stop!" when we're roughhousing. But honestly, he's laughing while he says it. I honestly don't know if he means it or not. What am I supposed to do in that moment? This is such a beautiful question. And I think a lot of us have this situation. Like, my kid's saying, "Stop!", but like, they also do look like they're enjoying themselves. So this one, I'm just gonna have a direct response. In the simplest form, "stop" means "stop". And I think that that's a really powerful family value. And what I mean by that is, to me, this is an amazing dinner table moment, conversation, not just something to kind of act on in the specific moment.

• 37:20Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Hey, I want to talk about something, guys. In our family, one of the things that I think we need to speak about more, starting today, is just the idea that when somebody says, "Stop!", we listen. Now, this is a setup, because then you can say to your kids, "What do you think about that?" And they're like, "Yeah, okay, obviously." And then you can say this. It seems simple, but there's a lot of kind of complicated parts of it. So let me explain more. Sometimes people say, "Stop!", in a way that's very simple. "Stop!", "I don't like that." You're like, "Okay, I'm gonna stop." What about when someone says, "Stop!", but you think they might actually be laughing or enjoying it? Do you stop or not?

• 38:05Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And this is a great moment to pause. And even if your kid says, "Oh, but they're having a fun time!", don't panic. Your kid is younger today than they are tomorrow. This is an amazing moment to say, "I'm so glad we're talking about this." In our family, it is a value to listen to someone stop, even if they're laughing, even if they seem to be enjoying it. We hear that "stop" the same way we heard the first one, "stop", and we put the laughter or our sense of what's happening to the side. You're almost setting yourself up also to practice it. Like, "Okay, well, what if I say, 'Stop!' like this?" "Stop!", "Do you stop?" "Oh, yeah, yeah." "Okay, but what if I say, 'Stop!' like this?"

• 38:50Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  "Stop!", "Stop!", "Do you stop?" And you're gonna do that until your kid says, "Yes!", "Yes." This is a beautiful question. And I think the most important thing about it is talking to your kids about it. Not in a blaming way, but she said, stop. But like, when I think of a dinner conversation, it doesn't have to be over dinner. It's in a calm moment. You're on the same team. You're explaining your values. You're learning about it together, which means there's no shame. There's no blame, which means this lesson is going to be more likely to stick. Let's wrap up today with a few key takeaways. To me, these are the three things that are loudest after we've been talking. Number one, consent isn't one big talk.

• 39:34Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  It's not one moment. It actually kind of comes from a lot of these small moments. And I say that in a way that that should feel empowering and like less pressure. Two, you don't have to understand your kid's experience to believe it. Don't have to understand your kid's experience to believe it. Relief. And three, you don't have to get it right the first time. You don't have to get it right all the time. I mean, now that I think about it, as we've been talking, most of my stories are moments when I messed up. And then I realized the thing and then I go back and I repair. And that's an amazing thing to do. So that's a pattern you feel like you're in. That's often a pattern I feel like I'm in as well.

• 40:19Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And that's okay. Now, a small ask. If this episode, if the podcast in general resonates with you, it truly means so much when you rate and review it. So if you have a moment to do that, I promise you, I will read what you write. I take it in and just know that it means so much. Kind of want to send us off with one or two things that you might need to hear. But I know I often need to say to myself in the mirror. You're allowed to say no. You're allowed to set boundaries, even when other people are upset.

• 40:57Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And you're allowed to gaze in and trust your body's signals. Instead of first gazing out and looking for an answer from someone else. I can't wait to see you next time.

• 41:25Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know that feeling when your brain is at full capacity, right? I mean, you have a reminder from the dentist in your email, a birthday party invitation on the fridge, and your kid just texted you about a soccer game they forgot to mention until that moment, and you just cannot remember one more thing.

• 41:41Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's where Skylight Calendar comes in. It's an all-in-one digital smart calendar that syncs with Google, Apple, and Outlook to help your whole family see the days and weeks ahead. And I really love the Tasks feature, which is designed to help your kid build routines around things like homework and chores. And when your kid can do those things independently, it's a huge win for everyone in the family. Skylight Calendar is so much more than just a calendar. It's something you can add to your routine to help your family work together. And right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15-inch calendars by going to myskylight.com/becky.

• 42:21Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's M-Y-S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T.com/ V-E-C-K-Y for $30 off your 15-inch calendar. Myskylight.com/becky. You know, parents carry a lot. In fact, data show that most parents spend every waking hour caring for someone else. So if you feel exhausted and stretched thin, you're not alone, and that makes sense. And look, I also know from experience what a relief it is to find caregiving support. Finding a babysitter you trust and your kids will have fun with, that makes it so much easier to go back to work or travel, or yeah, even go on one date with your partner. Care.com makes it easier to find trusted,

• 43:05Dr. Becky Kennedy?

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