EP. 259 - MASSACHUSETTS: THE LINDSAY CLANCY CASE PT. 1: A SLOW DESCENT.

Lindsay Musgrove Clancy had everything going for her. She had a great childhood, loving family and friends, excelled in school and sports, and became one of the most beloved nurses in the labor and delivery unit at Massachusetts General Hospital. So how, then, did she become the most talked-about alleged child-killer of the 21st century? In part one of our three-part series, we dive deep into the beginnings of Lindsay Clancy, the birth of her children, Cora, Dawson, and Callan, and the descent into mental illness that ultimately led to their deaths. - Sources:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eTYeCoYyxm58DXXdoFbHQyWHlWbcH9iKGIefFcQToW4/edit?tab=t.y2yayotxnlcb Listen to our new show, "THE CONSPIRACY FILES"!: -Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/show/5IY9nWD2MYDzlSYP48nRPl -Apple Podcasts - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-conspiracy-files/id1752719844 -Amazon/Audible - https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/ab1ade99-740c-46ae-8028-b2cf41eabf58/the-conspiracy-files -Pandora - https://www.pandora.com/podcast/the-conspiracy-files/PC:1001089101 -iHeart - https://iheart.com/podcast/186907423/ -PocketCast - https://pca.st/dpdyrcca -CastBox - https://castbox.fm/channel/id6193084?country=us - Stay Connected: Join the Murder in America fam in our free Facebook Community for a behind-the-scenes look, more insights and current events in the true crime world: https://www.facebook.com/groups/4365229996855701 If you want even more Murder in America bonus content, including ad-free episodes, come join us on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/murderinamerica Instagram: http://instagram.com/murderinamerica/ Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/people/Murder-in-America-Podcast/100086268848682/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/MurderInAmerica TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theparanormalfiles and https://www.tiktok.com/@courtneybrowen Feeling spooky? Follow Colin as he travels state to state (and even country to country!) investigating claims of extreme paranormal activity and visiting famous haunted locations on The Paranormal Files Official Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheParanormalFilesOfficialChannel - (c) BLOOD IN THE SINK PRODUCTIONS 2026 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:46Colin Brown?

  Warning: The following podcast is not suitable for all audiences. We go into great detail with every case that we cover and do our best to bring viewers even deeper into the stories by utilizing disturbing audio and sound effects.

• 1:58Courtney Brown?

  Trigger warnings from the stories we cover may include violence, rape, murder, and offenses against children.

• 2:04Colin Brown?

  This podcast is not for everyone. You have been warned.

• 2:09Courtney Brown?

  Today's episode is one that has been all over the media. In 2023, news broke that a labor and delivery nurse in Massachusetts had murdered her three young children with exercise bands. Afterwards, it was reported that she had slit her wrists and her throat and then jumped out of her second-story window, trying to end her life. The mother in question, Lindsay Clancy, survived. However, her three children, Cora, Dawson, and Callan, tragically passed. And since her trial began, this has been one of the most talked-about, controversial cases in modern history. As always, we wanted to give you every single detail of the case we could find, so it's a long one.

• 2:52Courtney Brown?

  This episode, Part One, will be about the Clancy's life before the murders. Part Two will be about the murders itself and what came after. And then finally, Part Three will be about Lindsay's trial. So, this is the story of the Clancy family. I'm Courtney Brown.

• 3:08Colin Brown?

  And I'm Colin Brown.

• 3:09Courtney Brown?

  And you're listening to Murder in America.

• 4:08Courtney Brown?

  I know this isn't our typical structure of an episode, but I wanted to give an extra disclaimer before getting into the story. Firstly, we will be discussing topics of suicide, postpartum depression and anxiety, postpartum psychosis, and of course, the murder of three children who are the victims in this story. I also want to let everyone know that this episode in particular contains a lot of medical talk. We will discuss different disorders, medications, dosages, side effects, you name it. There's also a lot of back and forth regarding Lindsay's psychiatric care, and at times it might sound a little clinical. I went back and forth on whether or not I should simplify things, but I think telling the full story in its entirety is very important.

• 4:53Courtney Brown?

  Giving you day-by-day details of Lindsay's life, her medications, side effects, journal entries, and all the different doctor's appointments gives you a better idea of just how complicated this story is. So, we are giving you everything. I also want to emphasize that I am not a doctor, but I have done a ton of research on postpartum, not just for this case, but also while earning my bachelor's degree in psychology at the University of Texas. But again, even though I am educated on these topics, I am not an expert. And as always, please consult your doctor about all health-related topics discussed in this episode. Another thing I want to mention is that information continues to come out about this case every day.

• 5:36Courtney Brown?

  And while we tried our best to be as factual as possible, there's always a possibility that new information can come out, information that might contradict what you hear now. But the last disclaimer I want to put out there is that I know that people have very strong opinions on this case. I have my opinions as well. But my main focus here is to tell you the facts, using information that has come out during Lindsay's trial. And I'm going to try my best to remain as unbiased as I can, so that you can form your own opinions. But with that being said, let's get into it.

• 6:07Colin Brown?

  Lindsay Marie Musgrove was born on August 11th, 1990, to Mike and Paula Musgrove in Wallingford, Connecticut. Mike worked as a school photographer and Paula worked at Weight Watchers. Lindsay grew up alongside her older sister, Allison, in a quiet residential neighborhood on Pogmore Drive. The two sisters were extremely close. Wallingford, described as a solid, middle-class suburban town in south-central Connecticut, offered the kind of childhood many parents hoped for. Neighbors who knew one another, safe streets where kids could play outside, and a strong sense of community where everyone looked out for each other. Several neighbors described the Musgroves as wonderful people who were very nice. Lindsay attended the Lyman Hall High School and was very involved in extracurricular

• 6:52Colin Brown?

  activities. She participated in Powder Puff Football and was part of the National Honor Society. She was known as reserved, friendly, and a strong athlete, excelling in both gymnastics and cheerleading. Her mother Paula said, "She was a very good kid and an excellent student, very excellent student all through school." Lindsay also had a close-knit group of girlfriends, friends she spent a lot of time with, driving around on the weekends, having sleepovers, and going to parties, and they all agreed that Lindsay was a sweet girl.

• 7:21Courtney Brown?

  One of those friends later told The New York Post that she had struggled with an eating disorder in high school and often didn't bring lunch, but Lindsay would quietly save half of her own sandwich, claiming she was already full, making sure her friend had something to eat. Overall, Lindsay was a positive influence on people's lives. Her friend told The New York Post, quote, "I don't know if she even realized what a positive impact she was having on me, but she just had this inherent nurturing nature," end quote. And because of that nurturing side, Lindsay knew exactly what she wanted to do with her life. She wanted to pursue a career in healthcare. She was so sure of it. During her senior year of high school, she joined the Health Occupation Students of

• 8:03Courtney Brown?

  America, an organization for students interested in healthcare professions. Lindsay even knew the field she wanted to be in. According to her friends, she always talked about one day working with babies. One high school friend stated, quote, "Being a nurse and mother was her life plan since high school, and that always made perfect sense to me, because taking care of people just came naturally to her," end quote. Lindsay graduated high school in 2007, and from there, she enrolled in Quinnipiac University in Connecticut, working towards a degree in biology. But in addition to her studies, she was also involved in the school's acrobatics and tumbling team. Lindsay was hardworking, intelligent, and a high achiever, regularly making the dean's list.

• 8:46Courtney Brown?

  In 2012, Lindsay graduated from Quinnipiac, but her schooling wasn't over just yet. After sending out her applications, she was accepted into an accelerated nursing program at the MGH Institute of Health Professions in Boston, Massachusetts. The school was about two and a half hours away from her hometown. After making the move to Boston, Lindsay began settling into this new chapter. As always, she worked really hard in school, but one of her biggest struggles was public speaking. It was later discovered that Lindsay actually tried out a few different medications while in nursing school, Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Propranolol. She took these to help with her fear of public speaking, but eventually she found she didn't need the medication anymore.

• 9:29Courtney Brown?

  Lindsay seemed to be adjusting well to her new life. She even started making new friends, one being her roommate, Kristen Walton. Like most roommates, Lindsay and Kristen spent a lot of time together. And in the spring of 2013, Kristen introduced Lindsay to her cousin, a man named Patrick Clancy. Immediately, there was a spark between them.

• 9:51Colin Brown?

  Patrick Clancy was born on June 15, 1988. He grew up in a Catholic family on the south shore of Massachusetts. His mother, Sue Clancy, told The New Yorker that Pat had always been a gentle, calm, and level-headed child. "Pat doesn't like to be angry," she said. "He doesn't like hostility. He's always been that type, since he was very little, to just give the benefit of the doubt." He attended a private, all-boys Catholic high school, where he was an average student. He admitted that he didn't care much for subjects like Greek mythology or Egyptian history, but he still won a citizenship award given to students who helped others. After high school, he studied business at Salve Regina University in Newport, Rhode Island, where he was captain of the sailing team.

• 10:33Colin Brown?

  Then, after college, he started working for a telecommunications company in Boston. And it's around that time when his cousin introduced him to 23-year-old Lindsay Musgrove.

• 10:43Courtney Brown?

  The two went on their first date in May of 2013. Patrick took Lindsay to an area in South Boston, where they flew a kite together. Patrick said that it was "love at first sight," the kind of feeling that you only see in the movies. Lindsay was the kind of girl that anyone would want to be with. Not only was she kind, smart, and beautiful, but she had big dreams for her life. At the time, she was about a year away from completing her nursing program, and she was so excited about her future. For Patrick, she was exactly what he wanted in a partner, and the feelings were mutual. Lindsay's friends would later say that she didn't want to date just anyone. She wanted to find someone who was a "good potential family man," and Patrick seemed to be just that.

• 11:24Courtney Brown?

  Now, the two were introduced in May of 2013, and within a few months, they were exclusively dating. By July of 2013, Patrick invited Lindsay to his family's 4th of July party by the beach. On that warm summer day, Lindsay got to meet everyone important to him, and Patrick's family loved her. His sister Erin would later say, "Lindsay was sweet, a little quiet, but just lovely." Now Lindsay and Patrick would later mark this day as a big milestone in their relationship, writing, "It was 95 degrees out, but we didn't care. We had so much fun." And from that day on, Lindsay was welcomed by Patrick's family with open arms.

• 12:06Colin Brown?

  Around 2014, Lindsay completed her nursing program and began working as a labor and delivery nurse at Massachusetts General Hospital. Her coworkers described her as "a ray of sunshine." Laura Sanders, a nurse who worked the night shift with Lindsay, said, "She is a great human being, and you would be hard-pressed to hear anything but positive remarks about our dear, sweet Lindsay." Lindsay wasn't the type of person to engage in drama or gossip. Her focus was always on her patients. It was clear to everyone that Lindsay had found her calling. Her coworker said that she was always "balanced and calm." Her coworker of seven years, Meg Hamp, called Lindsay "compassionate, kind, and dedicated." She said Lindsay often became emotional during births, overcome with how beautiful it was. But nursing is not an easy job.

• 12:51Colin Brown?

  There are long shifts and late nights. Emergencies can arise at any moment. But even when things got stressful, Lindsay always maintained her composure and provided the best care for her patients. She brought a quiet, calming presence to every room, helping anxious mothers feel supported. One of her patients, Shelby Oster, said that Lindsay was "the best nurse I've ever had. She was my cheerleader through two and a half days of labor that ended with an emergency C-section." And that's just who she was, both at work and in her personal life. One of Lindsay's coworkers was a woman named Andrea Henigan, and here's what she had to say about the kind of nurse Lindsay was.

• 13:30Speaker 06

  Lindsay loved being a nurse and was excellent at it. It was a second degree for her to go to nursing school, and you could tell with Lindsay it was more of a calling that she really cared so deeply, specifically about caring for pregnant women and women giving birth. She was very attentive to all of her patients' needs. She was very smart, and mostly she was incredibly nurturing and caring.

• 14:03Courtney Brown?

  It seemed as if everything was falling into place for Lindsay. She had a career she had always dreamt of. She was making a difference in people's lives. And in September of 2015, she and Patrick decided to move in together, sharing an apartment in Quincy. It was a big step in their relationship, but unbeknownst to her, they were about to take an even bigger step. Just three months after moving in together, on December 31, 2015, Patrick took Lindsay back to the area where they had their first date. They had dinner overlooking the water, and then they went on a walk through town. It was during that walk, beneath the Boston Seaport skyline, that Patrick got down on one knee and proposed. Lindsay, of course, said yes.

• 14:45Courtney Brown?

  From the beginning of their relationship, they both knew this was something special, and they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.

• 14:52Colin Brown?

  In September of 2016, Lindsay and Patrick purchased their first home together in Weymouth, Massachusetts. Then, on December 3, 2016, their friends and families all joined together in Southington, Connecticut, for their wedding. The ceremony was held at the Church of St. Dominic. Their reception was held at a nearby country club. It was decorated in silver and red for the upcoming Christmas holiday. It was the most beautiful day. On their wedding website, they reflected on their lives together. Lindsay wrote, "It all started in the fine town of South Boston. Through his cousin and sister, Pat knew Lindsay was a special girl and only wanted to spend more time with her. Lindsay secretly had a big crush on Pat, too." They then referenced their first date together and said, "We've had fun ever since."

• 15:36Colin Brown?

  After the wedding, the two flew to Hawaii for their honeymoon, and while there, they purchased this wish jar. On little strips of paper, they each wrote down wishes for their lives together. Many of the things Lindsay wrote about had to do with her future children. She wished for healthy kids, successful kids, easy births. Lindsay took that wish jar home after the honeymoon ended, and it would sit in her nightstand for years to come.

• 16:00Courtney Brown?

  To anyone who knew the couple, it was clear they were in love. Patrick would later describe their marriage as wonderful, saying he felt lucky to have Lindsay in his life. They had a genuine partnership, the type of marriage filled with daily "I love yous," morning hugs, and the feeling that they were truly a team. At work, Lindsay doted on her husband. She constantly joked that she wanted "enough children to fill a baseball team." Everyone who knew Lindsay agreed that she was born to be a mother, and on December 24, 2017, Christmas Eve, that dream became a reality with the birth of their first child, Cora Marie Clancy. Cora was actually named after the first baby girl Lindsay had helped deliver at Mass General Hospital.

• 16:44Courtney Brown?

  But her birth with Cora was not easy. According to Patrick, Lindsay was in labor for a long time, and although she opted for an epidural, it was too late. There was significant tearing, and Lindsay lost a lot of blood. But she was also completely in love. When they brought Cora home, Lindsay was still physically depleted. Her recovery took longer than expected, but Lindsay was determined to be the best mother she could. Patrick later said that the bond between her and Cora was natural and deep. It was as if Lindsay had fallen right into the role of motherhood with ease. Now, after Cora's birth, Lindsay said she did experience some postpartum depression, but it didn't last very long. Overall, she was happy, but according to records, Lindsay did experience some anxiety

• 17:29Courtney Brown?

  when it came to Cora's health. Apparently, during a routine ultrasound, doctors found something abnormal. The issue later resolved on its own, but it left Lindsay with an underlying fear when it came to Cora's health. When she was a baby, Lindsay's nursing skills kicked in, and she often checked Cora's vials at home, just to make sure she was okay. But I think that's pretty normal for first-time moms. You don't know what to expect, and you're learning as you go.

• 17:56Colin Brown?

  Now, Lindsay was on maternity leave for roughly 11 weeks. Patrick also had two weeks of paternity leave to help as much as he could, but as the time approached for her to return to work, she began experiencing anxiety. Lindsay didn't want to be separated from her infant, but in March of 2018, she returned to Mass General Hospital. Not wanting to overload herself, she eased back into it. Normally, Lindsay worked around 40 hours or more each week, but this time around, she started with just one 12-hour night shift a week, gradually increasing to about 20 hours per week. During this time, Patrick and Lindsay hired a babysitter to help with Cora and other household duties. Her name was Jen Shanahan, known to the family as Miss Jen.

• 18:39Colin Brown?

  Jen came to the house roughly 12 hours a week. Her main role was to care for Cora, so that Lindsay could sleep after working overnight shifts at the hospital. But even after returning to work, Lindsay found it extremely difficult to be away from Cora. She stayed closely connected to her in every way she could. While working night shifts at the hospital, she would often check on Cora through the baby monitor, watching her sleep and sometimes sharing the images with her coworkers. On her breaks, she continuously pumped breast milk so she could keep nursing Cora, something she did for one year without incident.

• 19:12Courtney Brown?

  It was clear to everyone that Lindsay was a fantastic mother, and like most first-time moms, she was always checking in on her little girl, making sure she was okay. In fact, one night while at work, Lindsay checked the baby monitor and saw that Cora was crying in her crib. Patrick was home at the time, so Lindsay called him to go check on her, but Patrick didn't pick up the phone. Before she knew it, 10 minutes had passed. Cora was still crying, and there was still no sign of Patrick. Lindsay got worried, so worried, she actually called the police to perform a welfare check. Patrick later said he was taken aback when he found a police officer knocking on his door in the middle of the night. But I think this just goes to show how much she loved her baby.

• 19:54Courtney Brown?

  Lindsay was a new mother, and she was doing everything she could to care for her. But the anxiety around Cora's health continued. In fact, around Cora's one-year checkup, Lindsay had become convinced that a blue vein on the bridge of Cora's nose was a sign of a gene mutation. She had religiously Googled the symptoms, and even wrote this in a private Facebook group titled "MTHFR: Understanding Gene Mutations and Epigenetics." Okay, so I just ordered the genetics test from Maximize Genetics to test my one-year-old daughter, because I learned that the blue vein across the bridge of her nose is a marker for the MTHFR mutation. If she ends up having the mutation, what do I do differently with her?

• 20:37Colin Brown?

  Lindsay was doing everything in her power to make sure Cora was happy and healthy. She was a very hands-on mother. She made up songs for Cora and took her to music classes. She was attentive and affectionate, always focused on making sure Cora felt loved and secure. From the beginning, motherhood seemed to come naturally for her, and things were looking up for the family. In July 2018, they purchased a new home at 47 Summer Street in Duxbury for $500,000. The modest three-bedroom, one-and-a-half-bathroom colonial-style home, built in 1972, had been newly renovated and offered plenty of space for their family. It was a clear sign that they were building a successful life together, and just one year later, on September 30th, 2019, the family grew again with the birth of their second

• 21:22Colin Brown?

  child, a son named Dawson William Clancy. As with Cora, Dawson's birth had also been extremely traumatic. Patrick testified that Dawson had been in a breached position during delivery, which caused significant bruising and tearing. Although the recovery was long, and lasted much longer than the recovery from Cora's birth, Lindsay flourished during her second maternity leave. Patrick said her mood was good, and she did a great job balancing Dawson's care while also taking care of Cora, who was approaching her second birthday.

• 21:52Courtney Brown?

  After Dawson's birth, Lindsay got 14 weeks of maternity leave, which was three weeks longer than with Cora. And in those beginning stages of postpartum, Lindsay seemed to be doing well. But looking back, Patrick said there was a period of time where Lindsay seemed a little off, manic, even. She had these bursts of energy that lasted several days. But then around two months postpartum, when her maternity leave was coming to an end, Lindsay started to experience some anxiety at the thought of being separated from Dawson. Again, that is very normal with moms, and it's something Lindsay experienced in both pregnancies, with both of her children. But this time around, her anxiety seemed to be worse, so much so that she decided to

• 22:36Courtney Brown?

  see a psychiatrist. After talking with the doctor about her symptoms, they offered a prescription for the antidepressant Zoloft, but Lindsay declined because she was still breastfeeding. Now, you can take antidepressants when breastfeeding, but like with anything, there is always a risk, and Lindsay didn't want to take that risk. Instead, she put her focus into exercise, a healthy diet. She started meditating. She even attended several therapy sessions. Now, the therapy didn't last long, and she eventually stopped going. Patrick said it was because she didn't really vibe with her therapist. But luckily, Lindsay's postpartum symptoms eventually resolved on their own.

• 23:14Colin Brown?

  In late December 2019, Lindsay returned back to work at Mass General, easing back into it at just 20 hours a week, just like she did after Cora's birth. At home, Ms. Jen stayed on as the family's babysitter, keeping the same schedule. Lindsay often left detailed lists for Ms. Jen to complete for the day, bottle feedings, meal preparation, and laundry. Now, in May of 2020, Patrick took a job with Microsoft and was able to continue working remotely, something he had been doing since 2018. He had a little office in the basement where he would work while the children were being watched by Ms. Jen.

• 23:50Courtney Brown?

  At Mass General, Lindsay's coworkers said that during her breaks, she would often check in on the kids, watching them sleep in their cribs through the video monitor. She continued pumping her breast milk. It was clear to everyone that she loved her children. She was always telling her coworkers stories about them. Nurse Erica Savieri later said, quote, "She lived and breathed for her children. I rarely heard her talk about anything else but them," end quote. But being away from the kids was hard for her. Lindsay was experiencing what many working mothers go through, balancing work and motherhood. She loved her job, but she hated how it took her away from her kids.

• 24:28Colin Brown?

  At one point, Lindsay even contemplated switching to the day shift so she could spend more time with them, but she realized that with rush hour traffic, it would have doubled her commute time. Sometimes she joked with Patrick about becoming a stay-at-home mom, but he would ask her, "Do you really want to be home 24/7?" He believed her dual roles as both a mother and a nurse were healthy. In an interview with The New Yorker, he said, "I'd say to anyone, usually moms, but really moms or dads, that you should have your kids, but you should also have a life to yourself." Now, over the following months, things seemed to get better as they found their routine. However, in October of 2020, Patrick claims that Lindsay's manic symptoms returned.

• 25:10Colin Brown?

  She was insistent on decluttering the garage in an effort to simplify her life. Patrick said he helped her with the project, but for the next few weeks, she obsessively cleaned, organized, and discarded nearly every item. Some items were put aside to be sold on Facebook Marketplace, but Patrick said that Lindsay felt amazingly on top of things.

• 25:29Courtney Brown?

  In 2021, Lindsay found out she was pregnant with their third child, and everything seemed right in the world. Lindsay's pregnancy went well, and she still somehow dedicated herself to both her children, her husband, and her job. Patrick Clancy's mother, Sue, later said that Lindsay was, quote, "A fun-loving, doting wife and mother. She loved her kids, and she was a nurturing mother who smiled all the time."

• 25:53Colin Brown?

  Lindsay's Facebook was filled with photos of her kids. In one, where Cora and Dawson are eating popsicles, she writes,

• 26:00Courtney Brown?

  "I feel like the luckiest mama in the world."

• 26:03Colin Brown?

  On Cora and Dawson's first day of preschool in 2021, she posted pictures of them with their backpacks with the caption,

• 26:10Courtney Brown?

  "I'm so proud of the beautiful, confident, and independent little people they are becoming, and I'm so excited for all they will learn and do in school this year."

• 26:19Colin Brown?

  Then that December, on Cora's birthday, she posted this.

• 26:22Courtney Brown?

  "Happiest fourth birthday to the sweetest gift God ever gave me. She's growing up into the most perfect version of herself, and I just couldn't love her more."

• 26:32Colin Brown?

  Now, during this pregnancy, Lindsay was committed to staying active. In fact, in early 2022, during the COVID-19 pandemic, one of Lindsay's former middle school cheer friends set up a Zoom meeting to create a space where moms could hold each other accountable during their fitness journeys. Lindsay joined the group and attended nearly every session. The other members were impressed that Lindsay continued showing up late into her pregnancy. She was a huge inspiration to these women. They would later say that sometimes Cora and Dawson would pop up into the frame and work out alongside their mother, but as we've mentioned, health was very important to Lindsay. She stayed active throughout her entire life, and she knew that exercising and eating healthy helped stabilize her mood.

• 27:12Colin Brown?

  So, on May 26th, 2022, she stepped outside to go on a run, and it was during that run when her water broke. Soon after, she gave birth to her third and final child, Callan Patrick Clancy. And unlike her previous two births, Lindsay had a smooth delivery. Everything went well. Here's what Patrick had to say about Callan's birth.

• 27:33Speaker 07

  Uh, it was great. From what I could tell, it was relatively quick. It was during the day. Um, we were both smiling after, and um, I don't think there was as much physical trauma.

• 27:48Courtney Brown?

  Jenny Hennessy, one of the nurses who helped deliver Callan, and someone who had been in nursing school with Lindsay, said, quote, "You could see the sheer joy and contentment in her eyes when she had her baby on her chest, taking in every sweet new moment of motherhood," end quote. When they brought Callan home, they were over the moon. Callan was an easygoing baby. Patrick and Lindsay started referring to him as "Happy Callan." Everything was great. Their family was complete. And Lindsay was so happy because this time around, she had 18 weeks of maternity leave, which was more than she ever had before. Patrick also had 12 weeks off work. And in those early days, they worked together as a team.

• 28:30Courtney Brown?

  While Lindsay cared for Callan, Patrick spent time with Cora and Dawson, taking them to the playground, doing activities around the house, and arranging playdates. Patrick later said, quote, "It was divide and conquer."

• 28:43Colin Brown?

  Cora, Dawson, and Callan became the center of their world. Lindsay's mother Paula said that Lindsay was dedicated to all of her children. Lindsay was a very loving mother. She was dedicated to her children. She was a fun mother. She was always doing things for her kids. She always wanted to be a mother, have many children, and it, I felt it was the best thing that ever happened to her, and she would do anything for her children. She was just a loving mother. Lindsay loved watching her children as they grew their own little personalities and developed interests in things.

• 29:24Colin Brown?

  Cora loved princesses, anything sparkly, and her favorite show was Sofia the First. At preschool, she even tried to convince her teachers to call her Sofia after her favorite Disney character. She was sweet, smart, and silly. She loved putting bows in her hair and wearing dresses. She loved playing with baby dolls, and her favorite book was Green Eggs and Ham. Lindsay would sometimes even make the dish for her, putting green coloring in the food. Now, Cora already knew what she wanted to be when she grew up, a doctor and a mother. She loved taking care of people, just like her mom. She would practice playing doctor by giving her baby brother Callan regular checkups. She had even perfected swaddling her favorite baby dolls, Caroline and Charlotte.

• 30:07Colin Brown?

  Cora loved tea parties, sloths, unicorns, and going to lunch with her grandparents. Above all, she loved her brothers deeply, and it was mentioned that she often talked to them in her sweet voice. According to the Clancys, Dawson was rambunctious and full of energy. He loved firefighters, trucks, dinosaurs, and the show Paw Patrol. At preschool, he was generous and always shared his toys with the other children. He loved being outside, where he was free to run around and cause mischief, something he did often and found hilarious. And then there was Callan, the happy, easygoing baby. Patrick often said it was because he was the third child, he had to adapt, and he did so easily. He was a good sleeper and was always smiling.

• 30:49Colin Brown?

  During Patrick's Microsoft calls, Callan liked to play in his jumper in the background. He'd even started to say "dada" when Patrick walked into the room. The two shared a unique bond, and every evening when Patrick got off work, he would go upstairs and swing Callan between his legs while he laughed and smiled. Patrick admitted that if he was ever having a bad day, Callan always seemed to know how to lift his spirits.

• 31:12Courtney Brown?

  The Clancy house itself really showed just how important the children were to the family. Almost every room in the home was dedicated to them. The walls were covered in their artwork, stickers, letters, and numbers. There were alphabet displays, and colorful projects taped up throughout the home. The playroom was filled with toys, and even the dining room was covered in the kids' things, feeling more like a kid's space than a place to eat. Lindsay had started reading to them when they were only three months old, and she would often make up songs for them. She took hundreds of pictures of the kids, and there were collages around the house for each child, documenting their milestones from newborn through their first year.

• 31:55Colin Brown?

  Her entire Facebook page was dedicated to them, filled with photos of happy moments. In a picture she posted of baby Callan, she captioned it:

• 32:04Courtney Brown?

  He's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen in my life.

• 32:07Colin Brown?

  Under a picture of Dawson, she wrote:

• 32:09Courtney Brown?

  My prince.

• 32:11Colin Brown?

  On National Daughter Day, she posted pictures of her and Cora and said:

• 32:15Courtney Brown?

  No better feeling in this world than having a daughter.

• 32:18Colin Brown?

  On National Sons' Day, she wrote:

• 32:20Courtney Brown?

  Yay, Sons' Day. The love between a mother and son is indescribable. How unbelievably blessed I am to call this most handsome boy my son.

• 32:29Colin Brown?

  But despite the outward appearance that everything was okay, there were signs that Lindsay was struggling.

• 32:34Courtney Brown?

  The first thing her loved ones noticed was that, just one week after she gave birth to Callan, Lindsay launched into an intense exercise routine. Now, every person is different, but doctors usually recommend you wait around six weeks after giving birth before you start intense exercises. However, just one week after delivery, Lindsay was waking up at 4:00 a.m. to work out. Sometimes she would run three miles, other days she would do 30 minutes on the Peloton bike, and then another 30 minutes of aerobics. She was really pushing herself.

• 33:08Colin Brown?

  On July 4th, 2022, just five weeks after giving birth, she ran a five-mile race. That same month, she posted on Facebook saying she was doing much better than she had after the births of both Cora and Dawson, writing:

• 33:22Courtney Brown?

  This time I've stayed so dialed in to my routine of exercise, nutrition, personal development, and mindset.

• 33:29Colin Brown?

  Lindsay's older sister Allison later noted that Lindsay, who was usually careful and sensible, impulsively bought into Beachbody, a multi-level marketing exercise and nutrition program. Lindsay purchased products to resell and made videos of her workouts. She even encouraged her Facebook friends to join the program, but Patrick didn't notice anything wrong. Lindsay's interactions with him and the children remained warm and normal. In fact, the family had a wonderful summer. They went on vacation, spent long days at the beach, visited family, and took the boat out in the water. Anytime Lindsay had questions or concerns regarding motherhood, she often went on Facebook, specifically looking for mom-focused groups for advice.

• 34:10Colin Brown?

  In May 2021, in a group titled Attachment Parenting for Littles, she wrote this:

• 34:17Courtney Brown?

  Hello, lovely parents. I'm looking for some advice, solidarity, ideas, something, anything. I'm truly finding my 19-month-old to be the most difficult human I have ever encountered. I mean that with all the love in my heart, but I honestly cannot make it through the day without getting frustrated with him. He's not my first child, so not to compare, because I know that every child is different. But just for background, this isn't my first rodeo. Every single thing with him is a battle, and it's been this way for a while, since he was maybe eight months old. I really try to pick my battles and only do what's completely necessary. But I mean everything: getting out of his crib in the morning and going downstairs, changing his diaper, getting him dressed, getting him in his seat to eat,

• 35:01Courtney Brown?

  getting him in the car seat, getting him out of the car seat, putting on his jacket and shoes to go outside, having him come inside when it's time, going to sleep for his nap and at night. He fights me every step of the way.

• 35:14Colin Brown?

  In August 2022, less than three months after Callan's birth, she returned to Facebook and joined a group called Morning Mantras. Now, a morning mantra is just little phrases you repeat to yourself each morning so that you start the day off on the right foot. But in this Facebook group, Lindsay posted this:

• 35:31Courtney Brown?

  Had my third baby two months ago and tried to stick with the morning mantras after he was born. But the last two weeks or so, I haven't done any of the elements of it, and I'm definitely struggling because of it. Even though I was up at 12:30, 1:30, and 3:00 with the baby, I'm still gonna try to start my day at 5:00, so I can get a good morning mantra in before everyone's up. Wish me luck. Someday, it will get easier.

• 35:55Colin Brown?

  She then posted a picture of Cora, Dawson, and Callan, writing:

• 35:59Courtney Brown?

  Pick of the three kids that make it so darn hard to have me time.

• 36:03Colin Brown?

  Looking back, it was apparent that Lindsay was struggling. Having three young children isn't easy, but despite everything, she was trying to improve her mood. Lindsay was working out every day, eating healthy, she was doing her morning mantras to speak positivity into her life. And she was joining these Facebook groups to get advice from other moms going through the same struggles.

• 36:23Courtney Brown?

  But towards the end of that summer in 2022, Lindsay's mental health started to take a turn. Her maternity leave was set to end in about a month. And like all the times before, she was anxious about leaving Callan. In addition, their babysitter, Miss Jen, was no longer working for them. Then that August, Patrick returned to work, so Lindsay found herself caring for three children all by herself. It was hard. Now, Patrick did work from home, so he would check in from time to time, coming upstairs to say hello or have lunch with the family. But Lindsay had her hands full, so they decided to hire a new babysitter, Elaine Rossi, known to the family as Laney. Like Miss Jen before her, Laney helped with childcare, meal prep, light cleaning, and laundry.

• 37:08Courtney Brown?

  She worked roughly 12 hours a week. Lindsay wanted to have her around, so when she started work again, Laney would be familiar with the family's routine. And Lindsay did a great job telling her everything the kids needed. She even had a yellow journal with Callan's name on the front, where she wrote a detailed schedule on when to feed him, when to give him his naps, what to do if he won't go down for a nap, everything. Here is babysitter Elaine Rossi describing the kind of mom Lindsay was.

• 37:39Speaker 06

  I observed a wonderful mom who loved her kids, who was, she was very concerned with their safety. She was very concerned with Callan's eating and sleeping. She was a wonderful mother.

• 37:52Colin Brown?

  Now, things got a little less hectic for Lindsay when preschool started up again. Cora and Dawson started going to Learning Sprouts for full days on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and a half-day on Thursday. Both Lindsay and Patrick took turns dropping them off and picking them up, but when Cora and Dawson weren't at preschool, their days were filled with activities. Both Cora and Dawson took gymnastics and swimming lessons at Goldfish and the Kingsbury Club. Patrick sometimes took them skiing, and Cora played soccer, though she didn't care for it much. Now, the Kingsbury Club was a health club often described as a country club at a fraction of the cost. It offered a day spa, a family restaurant, and a wide range of fitness and training programs.

• 38:33Colin Brown?

  And the club also offered childcare, so when Patrick and Lindsay wanted to work out, the kids could stay in the childcare room. Other times, the whole family went swimming together at the pool. According to everyone who knew Lindsay, she was extremely organized when it came to her children's schedules. On her cellphone calendar, she kept detailed appointments for doctor visits, vaccination schedules, drop-offs, swimming lessons, and every other activity the kids were involved in. Their lives were busy. Lindsay was still trying to balance activities for Cora and Dawson while also enjoying her maternity leave with Callan. But as the months continued, and the time for Lindsay to return to work drew closer, her anxiety grew stronger. Patrick picked up on this, but it was something he was used to by now.

• 39:17Colin Brown?

  Lindsay always got anxious when it was time for her to return to work.

• 39:22Speaker 07

  I don't know, she would say, you know, "I'm not looking forward to going back to work." I remember once she said, "It's just so unnatural to be separated from your newborn." I think it was fine at first. It was always when she had to go back to work, that's when she struggled. She just had a really hard time being separated from them.

• 39:43Courtney Brown?

  However, this time was different. Around 12 weeks postpartum, which was the end of August 2022, Lindsay's mental health was growing more and more unmanageable by the day. She was dealing with anxiety, depression, and severe insomnia, only sleeping about three hours a night. Exhaustion followed her throughout the day. She lost all motivation to exercise. Even simple tasks like getting dressed or taking a shower felt impossible. She described her body as feeling heavy. Everyday tasks were harder to complete. It was clear that Lindsay was experiencing postpartum depression and anxiety, which affects up to 1 in 7 women who give birth. Now, it typically shows up around six weeks after having a baby,

• 40:28Courtney Brown?

  but it can manifest at any point during the first year. Symptoms of postpartum depression include crying frequently, extreme sadness or loneliness, irritability, feeling worthless, empty, emotional highs and lows, losing interest in things you enjoy. You might have feelings of guilt, difficulty concentrating. You might have trouble bonding with your baby. You might doubt your ability to care for them. And you can even have thoughts about harming yourself or the baby. And I know that sounds incredibly scary. Postpartum can be a beautiful experience, but it can also be a very difficult one. And if you're currently experiencing any of those symptoms in your postpartum journey, you are not alone, and it's not your fault.

• 41:10Courtney Brown?

  After having a baby, your body goes through a sharp drop in some hormones and an increase in others. There are changes in thyroid function, and not to mention sleep deprivation. You can also develop postpartum depression if you have a history of depression or anxiety. But there are environmental factors that can bring on postpartum depression as well, like lack of support from a partner, financial difficulties, relationship problems, or isolation. The most important thing to know about postpartum depression, anxiety, or even psychosis is that you can get help, even though this case might have you thinking otherwise. But admitting that you are suffering does not make you weak, and it doesn't make you a bad mom.

• 41:53Courtney Brown?

  What Lindsay Clancy was going through during this time of her life was common. She knew that she was suffering, and she knew she needed help. First, she reached out to her parents, who came down from Wallingford, Connecticut, to help care for the kids. But when they eventually left, Lindsay's symptoms were still present. She finally began researching psychiatric care in her area. And soon enough, she came across a psychiatrist named Dr. Jennifer Tufts. Now, Dr. Tufts's website says that she had a particular interest in postpartum. So to Lindsay, she seemed like the perfect fit. Lindsay scheduled a virtual appointment for September 15th, 2022. But at this point, she didn't tell anyone that she was going to see a psychiatrist.

• 42:37Courtney Brown?

  Not her parents, not Patrick, not her friends. For so long, Lindsay had tried to fight it all on her own, until she realized she couldn't anymore. Taking that first step to get help is hard. It can sometimes feel like a defeat, like you weren't strong enough to do it yourself. Perhaps Lindsay felt that shame. Perhaps she felt like the people around her wouldn't approve, so she didn't tell anyone. At her first virtual telehealth appointment with Dr. Tufts, Lindsay admitted that she was struggling. She reported having anxiety attacks, decreased appetite, depressed mood, and racing thoughts. She said she was easily distracted, had excessive worry and guilt, and she was unable to feel pleasure and unable to fall asleep.

• 43:19Courtney Brown?

  Now during this appointment, Lindsay completed three standard assessments. The GAD screening for anxiety, the PHQ9 questionnaire for depression, and a suicide risk assessment. And her answers showed significant anxiety. On the GAD, Lindsay reported feeling nervous, anxious, or on edge nearly every day. She also reported that she was extremely worried all the time and had trouble controlling it. Dr. Tufts would later testify that on the PHQ9 assessment, there were also signs of depression. But on the suicide risk assessment, Lindsay answered no to every question about suicidal thoughts, plans, or thoughts of harming others. Now during this first meeting with Dr. Tufts,

• 44:03Courtney Brown?

  she prescribed Lindsay 25mg of Zoloft, an antidepressant that raises serotonin levels in the brain to balance your mood. Dr. Tufts also diagnosed her with generalized anxiety disorder. Now, like we mentioned earlier, Lindsay had taken antidepressants before in nursing school. Then after Dawson's birth, she was prescribed Zoloft, but she didn't take it due to breastfeeding concerns. And around this time, it seemed as though Lindsay was still going back and forth on whether or not she should take it. She did fill the Zoloft prescription at the local CVS, but it sat unopened while she weighed her decision. On September 17th, exactly two days after her appointment with Dr. Tufts,

• 44:45Courtney Brown?

  Lindsay and Patrick attended a wedding in New Hampshire. Cora and Dawson stayed with family, but baby Callan went with them. While there, Lindsay, Patrick, and Callan were walking through downtown when Lindsay told Patrick that she was considering taking Zoloft to manage her anxiety and depression. She said she thought it would help her, especially since she was nearing the end of her maternity leave and getting more anxious by the day. Patrick later said that he asked how she planned to get the medication, and she said she would need a prescription from a psychiatrist. Now, he didn't know that she had already seen a psychiatrist and had the Zoloft on hand. It seemed as if Lindsay was testing to see how he felt about it. But even after this conversation, Lindsay still didn't take the meds.

• 45:30Courtney Brown?

  She was still concerned about its effects on breastfeeding. On September 28th, almost two weeks after her appointment, Lindsay scheduled her second telehealth appointment with Dr. Tufts. During the call, she admitted that she still hadn't started the Zoloft, but she also said she was feeling a bit better. Her mood had improved slightly, and she told the doctor that both she and Callan were getting more sleep.

• 45:54Colin Brown?

  But following this appointment, Lindsay's anxiety returned. Her maternity leave was coming to an end, and she was not ready to go back. Her anxiety got even worse when Callan started refusing to take a bottle. So, hoping to find some comfort, she called her mom Paula. Lindsay was very open with her mother about what she was feeling. She said she was extremely anxious about going back to work, and just the thought of leaving Callan made her feel guilty. And she was considering applying for a maternity leave extension. Paula figured Lindsay was going through the normal stress of motherhood, and she supported her daughter in whatever she had to do to ease her anxiety. So, on October 3rd, Lindsay sent Dr. Tufts a message.

• 46:35Courtney Brown?

  Hi, Dr. Tufts. At our last two appointments, while I am feeling just better enough to function without medication, I did reach out to my employer about extending my leave for reasons of postpartum anxiety and depression. I don't feel mentally well enough to return to taking care of patients with my baby at home that still won't take a bottle. I know this will trigger my anxiety too much and also having to stay up all night as a nurse. I don't feel it's possible right now. They asked that my provider could fill out a form so they could process this request. Can I please send you the form to fill out?

• 47:10Colin Brown?

  Dr. Tufts filled out the form to extend Lindsay's maternity leave. Then, two days later, Lindsay met with Dr. Tufts for their third virtual appointment. During this session, Lindsay told Dr. Tufts she was thinking about finally starting the Zoloft because her anxiety wasn't getting any better. Dr. Tufts told her that the medication would help her, but Lindsay was still hesitant. She wanted to try other options first, specifically therapy. Now, Lindsay had already found an online counselor through Aster Health named Jennifer McAllister, but she hadn't reached out to her just yet. However, that same day, Lindsay finally scheduled that therapy appointment. During the appointment, Lindsay talked to McAllister about her background. She said she had a positive and supportive relationship with her parents and older sister.

• 47:54Colin Brown?

  She stated that she did not have a close relationship with her in-laws and that she and Patrick never asked them to babysit. From what we could gather, this first appointment was just scratching the surface, getting to know Lindsay's backstory before really digging into her problems. But the therapy still didn't improve her anxiety. Now, Lindsay was returned to schedule to her job as a labor and delivery nurse at Mass General around this time, but luckily, the extension on her leave was granted, meaning Lindsay could stay home with Callan and focus on her mental health. She and Patrick also let their babysitter Laney go since Lindsay was going to be at home, and they felt it no longer made sense to keep the extra help.

• 48:32Courtney Brown?

  But Lindsay was still struggling with her mental health. Her Zoloft prescription sat unopened for several weeks. She tried therapy hoping it would help, but it didn't. And finally, on October 12th, 2022, she reached a point where she couldn't do it on her own anymore. Her anxiety got completely out of hand. So that day, Lindsay opened the Zoloft and took the first pill. Now, it typically takes about two weeks for an antidepressant to take effect. And during those two weeks, you can experience a myriad of symptoms as your body is getting used to the medication. Some people report that those first two weeks are horrible. They say they can't sleep, they have panic attacks, worsening depression, et cetera.

• 49:15Courtney Brown?

  But then a few weeks in, their symptoms are gone, and suddenly, life is better again. However, that's not the case for everyone. Other people say that they continue having bad symptoms even after the two weeks. So at that point, your doctor might give you a different medication to try. You see, sometimes a medication that works for one person might not work for another. The unfortunate part about getting help is that it can be a trial and error until you find what works for you. And based on Lindsay's symptoms, she was having a very hard time on Zoloft. She experienced loss of appetite, diarrhea. Her mind felt foggy, and she was even more anxious than before. Now, Lindsay didn't tell anyone she was taking the medication.

• 49:59Courtney Brown?

  Her husband Patrick had no idea, but he did start noticing changes in her mood. He said that around this time, she became more depressed and had no interest in anything.

• 50:10Speaker 07

  Uh, she wasn't really improving. She just kinda seemed, um, to be gradually becoming more, more in like a depressed state. It was just small things. Um, I was planning a trip with Cora to San Francisco, and she was nervous about us going and, um, I remember we went to a Halloween event and, um, just leading up to it, I remember she was, it just kinda seemed like she didn't want to go for some reason.

• 50:41Colin Brown?

  But one of the worst symptoms she had on Zoloft was insomnia. Lindsay was barely sleeping throughout the night, which made it increasingly difficult for her to get through the day and care for Cora, Dawson, and Callan. And it was at this point that Lindsay finally told Patrick that she was taking the Zoloft and that it was only making things worse. Lindsay really needed support, so on October 19th, 2022, she texted her mom.

• 51:06Courtney Brown?

  Hi, Mom. Would you ever consider coming to stay with us for a couple days at a time? To help with childcare? So I can work and talk to a therapist and do a lot of thinking? I actually think going to work will help me, but it's really hard with nurse hours to get childcare that we need. I'm thinking if you could come like Sunday to mid Tuesday, it would be really helpful. Just a thought.

• 51:28Colin Brown?

  Paula agreed to help in whatever way she could, but from what we could tell, there were no concrete plans made just yet. In the meantime, Lindsay continued following Dr. Tufts' instructions. She started taking 25mg of Zoloft for the first week. Then in the second week, she was told to increase to 50mg. However, when she woke up on the morning of the 20th and took the 50mg dose, the side effects were awful. It was then that she reached out to her mom again to let her know the seriousness of what was going on.

• 51:58Courtney Brown?

  Mom, will you please come up and stay with me for a bit? I'm really sick. Something is wrong. I had horrible insomnia all night, and I just don't know how I'm going to get through the day. I started taking the medicine my doctor prescribed for anxiety, and I think it's made things worse. It's just really scary, and I don't want to be alone.

• 52:17Colin Brown?

  Ultimately, Paula made her way to Duxbury to spend the entire week with Lindsay and the children.

• 52:23Courtney Brown?

  But the day after texting her mom for help, Lindsay immediately scheduled an appointment with Dr. Tufts to figure out why she was having such horrible side effects. While on the 50mg of Zoloft, Lindsay couldn't even function. During her online appointment, Dr. Tufts said that Lindsay appeared depressed and worn out. Lindsay admitted that she didn't feel suicidal at the time, but she was anxious that she would eventually have suicidal thoughts. Now, Lindsay had only taken seven pills. And as we mentioned, it takes a few weeks for your body to get used to the medication, but she was having a really hard time. It's difficult to stick with a medication plan when your symptoms are unbearable. Now during her appointment, seeing that the Zoloft wasn't working,

• 53:07Courtney Brown?

  Dr. Tufts instructed Lindsay to stop the medication completely. Other medications were suggested, but Lindsay was reluctant. And following this, her symptoms only got worse. Lindsay said that she had racing thoughts. Her anxiety increased, and she reported feeling, quote, awful.

• 53:25Colin Brown?

  The next day, on October 21st, Dr. Tufts and Lindsay met again through telehealth, and the depression was still there. However, this time, Lindsay reported that she hadn't slept at all the night before. One of the children had been up all night coughing, and she continuously worried that something was wrong. There were still no reports of suicidal ideation, homicidal ideation, or auditory hallucinations, but Dr. Tufts was worried. This time, she prescribed 0.5mg of Ativan as needed for anxiety. Now, Ativan is not an antidepressant like Zoloft, but a benzodiazepine that calms the central nervous system. At the end of their session, they agreed to meet in about a week to see how Lindsay was doing. But Lindsay couldn't wait a week. Just five days later, on October 26th,

• 54:10Colin Brown?

  she scheduled a follow-up. When Lindsay showed up on screen, Dr. Tufts said she looked depressed. Lindsay admitted that she was still experiencing serious side effects. Now, Lindsay had been taking the Ativan, and she even reported that it helped with her anxiety, but she was having insomnia. In fact, her insomnia was so bad that at one point, she didn't sleep for 48 hours. Patrick saw these side effects firsthand. Lindsay would toss and turn all night. She'd get up to care for Callan, put him back down, and then still not be able to sleep. It was starting to take a toll on her.

• 54:45Speaker 07

  You know, one night, she said, um, do you mind? She started by saying, "I'm not mad or anything, but do you mind sleeping in the basement? And letting me just sleep in our room with Callan? And then you can take the monitors down in the basement? And if Cora and Dawson get up, you can get up with them." She said, "I've just been having a lot of trouble sleeping. And I'm hoping that like if there's less in and out, then there'll be less disruption."

• 55:16Colin Brown?

  For two nights, Patrick slept in the basement, but her sleep still wasn't improving. Eventually, Lindsay and Callan moved to the basement while Patrick slept upstairs for the next week. But whatever limited relief Lindsay had hoped for never came. She still could not fall asleep and had anxiety that she wasn't being a good mother. With Cora and Dawson, she didn't struggle like this. And because of that, she felt like Callan wasn't getting the care he deserved. Lindsay even documented her thoughts in journals she kept. In one entry, she wrote this.

• 55:46Courtney Brown?

  "I'm sad and depressed because I'm not able to parent my third child like my first. I want to treat every one of my babies like my first, but I know that's not a feasible possibility. I'm sad that I stopped breastfeeding. I feel not as connected with Cal now. I think I sort of resent my other children because they prevent me from treating Cal like my first baby, and I know that's not fair to them. I know that. I was feeling so depressed last evening when Cora and Dawson came home from school. I know it rubs off on them, so we had a pretty rough evening. I want to feel love and connection with all of my kids. I'm also probably having internal conflict because my whole life I've wanted to have a lot of kids. I still don't want Cal to be our last, but I have a lot of figuring out to do before I have another.

• 56:31Courtney Brown?

  I'm on the fence about starting a new medication for anxiety and depression. I just want to feel happy. I want to be able to relax and take care of my kids. And then when they go to bed at night, I want to deeply relax and hang out with Pat, and then fall into a deep sleep for eight hours. Get up, pour hard into myself for an hour and a half. Cal was so very planned and desired. I want to be able to give him all the love he deserves. He's not the first third child to ever exist. I think I know he'll be okay, but it's really hard for me. I hate that he has to put himself to sleep. I'm sad I'm not breastfeeding anymore, but I think deep down, these are the right choices."

• 57:08Colin Brown?

  In another entry, she wrote this.

• 57:10Courtney Brown?

  "I have crazy brain fog. I feel like I can't make a plan. I live moment to moment, waiting for the next nap time. I'm terrified of Cal getting overtired now because I feel I can't help him."

• 57:22Colin Brown?

  But she tried to stay optimistic. Lindsay kept daily affirmations and positive notes in her cellphone. On October 24th, she wrote this.

• 57:30Courtney Brown?

  "I am strong. I am brave. I will get through this. I will overcome postpartum depression and anxiety. I am a great mom. I love my kids. I love my family. I love my life. I am happy. I take care of myself."

• 57:45Colin Brown?

  In another section, Lindsay wrote what she was grateful for.

• 57:49Courtney Brown?

  "My mom for being there for me no matter what and coming to help at the drop of a hat. My husband for picking up the slack when I've been feeling so down. My husband for taking the big kids out to do things when I felt like I can't."

• 58:02Colin Brown?

  But Lindsay was the kind of mom where she always put her children first. Even after barely sleeping the night before, she would still get up, make breakfast, get all the kids ready, and then take them to music classes, gymnastics, and playdates. One of the moms she met through these activities was a woman named Bethany Decollibus. Bethany would later say that after Lindsay had Callan, it was clear she was exhausted. Lindsay would admit that she wasn't sleeping well. Then the next week, Bethany would see her again, and it was clear nothing had improved. And soon enough, after seeing a clear pattern of this, Bethany said she was concerned for her.

• 58:38Speaker 06

  Um, I think for a period of time, um, it felt normal, but after it seemed to continue and not let up for her, I definitely worried about her and was concerned.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  When you say "it seemed normal," what do you mean by that at first?

• 58:53Speaker 06

  It, I would say for a period of time seemed reminiscent of, you know, sleep troubles that, um, you know, I remember having and that, you know, remember friends talking about. But I think over time, um, I started to worry more and realized that it wasn't, um, improving for her.

• 59:09Courtney Brown?

  Lindsay told Bethany that she was taking medication to try and help and that she was pursuing therapy. Bethany is a therapist herself, so she was happy that her friend was taking the right steps. But sadly, even though Lindsay was taking the right steps, nothing was improving. During her next telehealth appointment, Lindsay reported her symptoms to Dr. Tufts. Nothing seemed to help with sleep. It was really affecting Lindsay's quality of life. So this time, Dr. Tufts prescribed Lindsay with busperone at 5mg for generalized anxiety disorder and hydroxazine at 25mg for sleep. Hydroxazine is an antihistamine similar to Benadryl. Now, Dr. Tufts also told Lindsay to continue her Ativan as needed.

• 59:54Courtney Brown?

  And Lindsay told her that the Ativan did help with anxiety, but she was worried about getting addicted to it. She didn't want to become dependent on the medication. But going forward, Lindsay hoped that these new medications would help.

• 1:00:07Colin Brown?

  At some point, Lindsay met up with her friend Bethany again. And during their lunch, Bethany asked if things had gotten better.

• 1:00:14Speaker 06

  Serious conversation. Um, I was concerned and wanted to check in. Um, it had sounded like she had been able to connect with some providers. Um, and I would say at that point, um, I remember her expressing feeling hopeful about the possibility that things could start to get better.

• 1:00:32Colin Brown?

  Lindsay was trying to stay positive, but to her dismay, she was still struggling. In another journal entry, she wrote this.

• 1:00:39Courtney Brown?

  "I'm struggling so hard because I wanted to parent each of my kids like my first. And since I can't, that's depressing to me. This is definitely the root cause of all of our problems. Now I feel like I'm not parenting any of my kids the way I want to, and that makes me sad too. But I'm going to try my best today. Things I love doing that help me love and appreciate and enjoy my kids are activities with them. I definitely started having some depression after Cora, but I started getting up and out with her, and I felt much better. I think signing Cal up for baby music class would be a great thing. Maybe Fridays can be my day with him. I've just fallen out of the habit of doing anything fun, anything for myself, anything with Pat, and I need to work on that.

• 1:01:22Courtney Brown?

  On a positive note, I had a great deep night of sleep. I'm terrified of something happening to my kids or doing something wrong to mess up their development. Our generation is inundated with information about every aspect of parenting and everything that can go wrong if you don't get it right, and all the scary things happening in the world. It's insane. For the last five years, I've just filled my mind with all things parenting, and it's just unhealthy."

• 1:01:48Colin Brown?

  Lindsay knew she needed to prioritize her mental health. Anytime she felt overcome with anxiety, she took an Ativan pill. But soon enough, there was a new side effect: cardiac palpitations. On October 31st, Halloween, Lindsay had an online appointment with her therapist, Jennifer McAllister, that lasted one hour. She was anxious. She told Jennifer she was starting to lose confidence in her ability to take care of her children as they grew up. She was also anxious because a lot of the time, she was watching the kids all by herself. In fact, the following day, Patrick was taking a work trip to New York, meaning she would be watching the three kids with no help.

• 1:02:26Courtney Brown?

  Now, Patrick was only in New York for two days. He said it was a work trip. But while he was gone on November 2nd, Lindsay met with Dr. Tufts again. She reported that she didn't take any of her busperone or hydroxazine pills. But months later, medication would be missing from these bottles. However, according to Lindsay, the only medication she was currently using was the Ativan. Lindsay told Dr. Tufts that she just wanted to feel better. She told her that Callan needed a lot of attention, especially now that he was growing up, and she was overwhelmed. Towards the end of their appointment, the two discussed other medications. They came up with a plan to taper her off the Ativan so she could start something else that might work better.

• 1:03:10Courtney Brown?

  But following this appointment, Lindsay was frustrated. She'd been going back and forth for weeks, and she felt worse than ever before. Now, Patrick came home from New York the following day, but he was only home for one night before leaving again, this time on a trip to San Francisco. Now, he did take Cora with him on that trip, taking a little pressure off Lindsay, but she was still struggling.

• 1:03:32Speaker 07

  Uh, nothing bad happened. She was, um, I would say her anxiety and depression was starting to tick up, but, uh, yeah, obviously, nothing bad happened.

• 1:03:42Colin Brown?

  Desperate for help, Lindsay posted on a private Facebook page titled, "I Am Not Alone: Postpartum Depression/Anxiety and Rage." And she wrote this.

• 1:03:52Courtney Brown?

  Looking for advice on medications for postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression. I tried Zoloft, and after taking it for a week and increasing to 50mg, I had extreme insomnia and also felt like it was worsening my depression. And I had no appetite whatsoever, so I had to stop taking it. Has anyone had a similar experience and found a different medication that worked? Also, right now, I feel the only medication that works for me is Ativan. It has the perfect effect of decreasing my anxiety and making me feel happy. It makes me feel like myself again, but I know it is not a long-term solution as it's addictive.

• 1:04:30Colin Brown?

  Lindsay needed relief, but so far, after weeks and weeks of meeting with Dr. Tufts and a therapist, she didn't feel any better. Patrick would later say that he was frustrated. He didn't feel like the online appointments were helping. And through his observation, he felt like the sessions were rushed and not personal. Patrick would later say, "It was just like, what are your symptoms? Take these pills." So, from here, Patrick actually reached out to a number of therapists in their area, but none of them had immediate availability.

• 1:05:00Courtney Brown?

  By November 17th, Lindsay's insomnia and anxiety had become so severe that she drove herself to the emergency room at South Shore Hospital. She had gone another 48 hours without sleep. She told the ER staff that she couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, had brain fog, insomnia, anxiety, and heart palpitations. That same day, it was reported that Lindsay took a marijuana gummy, possibly to help her sleep. But while at the ER, doctors prescribed her Trazodone for sleep and depression. Then Lindsay was sent home. Like all the medication she had taken before, she started Googling Trazodone, the side effects, and how it affected daily life. Now, months later, it was revealed that six and a half of the Trazodone pills

• 1:05:45Courtney Brown?

  were missing from the bottle, but ultimately, the Trazodone proved to be ineffective as well. Lindsay's symptoms were still there.

• 1:05:53Colin Brown?

  Two days after her visit to the ER on November 18th, Lindsay wrote this in her journal.

• 1:05:58Courtney Brown?

  "It's like I'm so desperate to get a mental break from taking care of everyone that my mind is trying to make something physically wrong with me. I want to be well."

• 1:06:08Colin Brown?

  Now, Patrick's mother, Sue Clancy, was a nurse at South Shore Hospital. She had been an RN for 35 years, and she believed that Lindsay needed more appropriate care, specifically for postpartum depression, even though she had not been formally diagnosed with it. Lindsay told Sue that she had been struggling with insomnia, didn't have an appetite, and felt anxious and sad. Sue later testified that Lindsay was begging for help. So Sue Clancy contacted the South Shore Perinatal Behavioral Health Program on November 20th, asking for additional help for Lindsay. And the following day, Lindsay got a call from nurse practitioner Julie Paul. Julie wanted to know how Lindsay was doing. Lindsay told her that she felt very frustrated and scared.

• 1:06:51Colin Brown?

  She said that she had racing thoughts and extreme insomnia, only getting about three hours of sleep each night. So Nurse Paul prescribed 10mg of Prozac for depression.

• 1:07:01Courtney Brown?

  Just two days later, Lindsay scheduled another appointment with Dr. Tufts. Now, by this point, it had been about a month since she had seen her last. And during their virtual appointment, Lindsay admitted that she had received treatment at the South Shore Perinatal Mental Health Clinic. She told Dr. Tufts that she had been prescribed Prozac for depression and that she was still on Ativan for anxiety and Benadryl for sleep. But there was something else on Lindsay's mind. The extension on her maternity leave was coming to an end, again, and Lindsay still wasn't ready to go back to work. She asked Dr. Tufts for another extension letter for her employer. Perhaps Lindsay was hopeful that something would finally work. She just needed a little more time.

• 1:07:45Courtney Brown?

  But after weeks and weeks of seeing all these different doctors and therapists and trying all these different medications, she still wasn't getting better. After only four days of taking Prozac, Lindsay reported that the medication made her insomnia worse. She was told to discontinue the medication, so she did. Now, again, Lindsay said she only took four days' worth of the pills, but months later, 13 pills were missing from the bottle. Why? We don't know. But at this point, Lindsay seemed to be worse than ever. She wasn't sleeping, she lost her appetite, she had stopped socializing. Her parents even drove down from Connecticut to help with the children. Patrick worked from home, so he was there, but he spent most of his time working in the basement. Lindsay needed help.

• 1:08:30Courtney Brown?

  She was doing her best to get through each day, but nothing was improving. Patrick stated that in the afternoons, after Lindsay's Ativan wore off, he often found her rocking back and forth on the living room couch, complaining that her heart was racing. She also told him that she was scared, but he said he didn't understand why. However, while all of this was going on, Lindsay still tried to maintain a sense of normalcy for the children. The Clancys attended a family event with food trucks and train rides for the kids. On Thanksgiving, November 24th, they went to Lindsay's parents' house in Wallingford, Connecticut. Her older sister Allison said she hadn't seen Lindsay in a while, as the two lived in different states for 10 years. But it was obvious to her that Lindsay didn't seem like herself, and she wasn't.

• 1:09:15Courtney Brown?

  The very next day, Lindsay arranged another virtual visit, not with Dr. Tufts, but with Nurse Paul, who worked with Lindsay at the hospital earlier that month. During this visit, Nurse Paul prescribed her Ambien, a sleeping medication. She also prescribed a different antidepressant called Remeron, and then finally, Klonopin, a benzodiazepine used to treat anxiety. Now, just to help paint a picture, Lindsay had been taking medications for less than two months by this point. And throughout that time, she had been prescribed Zoloft, Busperone, Hydroxazine, Ativan, Prozac, Trazodone, Ambien, Remeron, and Klonopin. But Lindsay was hopeful that since the Zoloft and Prozac didn't work, maybe this antidepressant would.

• 1:09:58Courtney Brown?

  However, after taking just one pill of Remeron, Lindsay said she experienced dissociation. She reported feeling, quote, "disoriented, forgetful, confused, and disconnected from her own body," end quote. It was so bad, she couldn't even drive or be by herself. She felt like the world around her wasn't real, so this was yet another medication that only made things worse.

• 1:10:22Colin Brown?

  That week, the Clancys celebrated Thanksgiving with Patrick's family at her sister's house in South Hamilton. Lindsay even coordinated matching funny t-shirts with Patrick's sisters. In one photo, she's smiling, wearing a shirt that read, "Talk Turkey to Me." Although the photos showed Lindsay smiling and happy, what was going on beneath the surface was very different. Patrick later said she was in rough shape. Here he is describing her mood that weekend.

• 1:10:48Speaker 07

  She wasn't talking much, she had low energy, she was really depressed. I just remember when she showed up, um, my sister-in-law gave her a big hug.

• 1:10:57Courtney Brown?

  According to Patrick's father, Lindsay was still interacting with everyone, but she wasn't acting like her normal self.

• 1:11:04Speaker 07

  She seemed quiet. She seemed quiet.

• 1:11:07Courtney Brown?

  Patrick's mom, Sue Clancy, said that at one point, she noticed Lindsay walk away from everyone. She was all by herself in another room. So Sue approached her and asked if everything was okay. Lindsay told her that she was trying to get better, that she wanted to get better. But later that day, when everyone was sitting around the table, eating their Thanksgiving meal, Lindsay hardly touched her food. Sue knew that she was still struggling. Everyone knew. After all, Sue had sought out postpartum resources for her while she was in the emergency room weeks earlier.

• 1:11:38Colin Brown?

  But despite everything, Lindsay was still showing up. She was still trying to get better. Towards the end of November, after the Thanksgiving festivities, the Clancys even went and picked out a Christmas tree. But Lindsay's journal entries from around this time show that she wasn't doing well. She wrote that she was completely overwhelmed trying to take care of three children. She wrote, "I feel like I'm drowning every day." Lindsay also became intensely focused on Callan's sleep schedule. She was trying sleep training, which means when they start crying, you sometimes let them cry it out until they fall back asleep. But she was having a hard time with it. In her journal, she wrote,

• 1:12:16Courtney Brown?

  "Hearing him cry for one-plus hours and not intervening just about killed me. I even said the words 'I want to die' to Pat while he was crying."

• 1:12:25Colin Brown?

  Lindsay also became obsessed with tracking Callan's naps to the minute. In another journal entry, she wrote this.

• 1:12:32Courtney Brown?

  As for the sleep training, I needed a baby that slept through the night because I simply do not have the opportunity in my life to catch up on sleep. I just don't. If there was a time for me to nap every day, then that may not have been the case. But there really isn't. When Cal naps, I have to take care of Cora and Dawson. That's just how it is. It feels cruel to me that we did not do that with Cal. But the reality is, we did what we had to do. I guess I also feel slightly traumatized by the sleep training, but that feeling was really present when I was severely sleep deprived and paranoid. I know what we did was the right thing and okay. As for the breastfeeding, it kind of goes hand in hand with the sleep training. Once he started sleeping most of the night,

• 1:13:15Courtney Brown?

  it was then a daily struggle to keep up with my milk supply. I was having to take a ton of supplements and constantly thinking about eating and drinking enough to keep the supply up. And then I was having to think about pumping extra to keep it up. And that was really hard to do with Cora and Dawson around. When I tried to leave Cal to go out with Cor and Dawson, I was stressed about pumping, and not to mention the fact that Cal was at home and not taking a bottle. So it was a battle of if I should pump or not. I know I did the right thing because I was able to leave Cal with someone and get fed. As much as I don't want to leave him, I need to be able to. I need to be present with my other kids. I still really want a fourth child, but I need a really good therapist before then. I'm on the fence about starting a new med or not. I want to feel happy, but

• 1:14:00Courtney Brown?

  it would be nice to feel authentically happy and not fake. But I need to feel happier than I did last evening, because then I was pretty depressed and not enjoying any of my children. It was really sad.

• 1:14:12Colin Brown?

  November 28th, with Lindsay's side effects getting worse, she requested another virtual appointment with Nurse Paul. Lindsay had just had an appointment with Nurse Paul three days earlier, but she needed to see her again because her symptoms were getting out of hand. She still couldn't sleep, her insomnia wasn't getting any better, and now she had feelings of being disoriented and forgetful. Nurse Paul noted that Lindsay said she was disassociated and not in touch with reality, which is a common symptom of postpartum psychosis. But Nurse Paul couldn't help Lindsay. She had actually taken a job with another medical facility in New Hampshire, so instead, she referred Lindsay to another provider.

• 1:14:51Courtney Brown?

  The following day on November 29th, Lindsay started seeing Rebecca Gelata, a perinatal psychiatric nurse practitioner. During their first virtual appointment, Lindsay told Nurse Gelata that she was "anxious and frightened about what is happening." Lindsay reported that she was only sleeping around two hours a night, waking up and needing to take more Ativan to fall back asleep. She also blamed herself for her symptoms, saying she didn't know why this was happening, or why she was feeling the way she felt. She was frustrated that no one could give her definitive answers, and it was starting to take a toll on her. Lindsay's weight had dropped from 130 pounds to 124. Lindsay told

• 1:15:32Courtney Brown?

  her about the horrible side effects she experienced with Remeron, but Nurse Gelata suggested that she continue taking it, giving it more time to build up in her system. Now, Nurse Gelata also believed that Lindsay's depression and anxiety might be stemming from her lack of sleep each night, so she also increased her Ambien prescription. But Lindsay didn't want to take more medication. She didn't want to take the Ambien, and she made that clear. Nurse Gelata would later say that she talked with Lindsay about the possibility of her having bipolar disorder. Now, bipolar disorder can sometimes look like severe depression. People have really low lows, but they also have really high highs. One month during a depressive episode, they might feel really down. They can't get out of bed.

• 1:16:17Courtney Brown?

  They have no motivation to do anything. Their sleep dysfunction changes an appetite. They might have trouble concentrating, or even thoughts of suicide. But then several months later, they might experience a manic episode, which is the really high highs. They'll have a ton of energy. They'll have feelings of euphoria, or grandiose beliefs. Sometimes they'll talk really fast, jumping from topic to topic. They'll participate in risky behaviors. Now, when people have bipolar disorder, antidepressants alone aren't usually effective. Doctors will typically prescribe an antidepressant along with a mood stabilizer. So when Nurse Gelata looked at Lindsay's case, she saw that the antidepressants

• 1:16:58Courtney Brown?

  weren't working. She also saw that Lindsay definitely showed signs of severe depression. But to her, Lindsay didn't show signs of mania, so she didn't want to diagnose her with bipolar just yet. At the end of their 30-minute appointment, Lindsay's plan going forward was to continue the Remeron at 15mg nightly, and the Ativan as needed. Nurse Gelata also encouraged her to go to therapy, exercise, and meditate. She expected to hear from Lindsay the following week. But the very next morning, at 11:30 a.m., Lindsay emailed her asking if it would be okay to discontinue the Remeron completely. She said her depression was worsening, and that she had only gotten two hours of sleep the night before. But Nurse Gelata

• 1:17:40Courtney Brown?

  was adamant that she should continue the medication. "Stick with it," she said. "Take the Remeron for another 10 days. And after 10 days if it still isn't working, we'll try something else." Now, throughout that day, Lindsay and Nurse Gelata exchanged several more emails back and forth. Lindsay told her she wasn't suicidal, but she felt she could no longer go on feeling like this. She said her depression was "much worse," and that she felt "completely hopeless and unmotivated." Ultimately, Nurse Gelata believed it was best to go ahead and prescribe an antipsychotic and mood stabilizer called Seracul.

• 1:18:17Colin Brown?

  But Lindsay was nervous about taking another medication. So far, most of the meds she had taken had only made her feel worse. She even texted her mother-in-law, Sue.

• 1:18:27Courtney Brown?

  "I'm not okay. I'm terrified of taking meds tonight."

• 1:18:30Colin Brown?

  Sue responded, "Why are you scared? What happens if you don't take them? What are you afraid of? What about Ambien?"

• 1:18:37Courtney Brown?

  "I was never this depressed. It was brought on by the medication."

• 1:18:41Colin Brown?

  Lindsay decided to give the Seracul a chance. This was her first time taking an antipsychotic and mood stabilizer, and more than anything, she wanted it to work. But sadly, it didn't. In fact, this is where Lindsay's mental health really took a turn for the worse.

• 1:19:01Colin Brown?

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• 1:21:13Colin Brown?

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• 1:21:57Colin Brown?

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• 1:22:39Colin Brown?

  Anyways, y'all, let's get back to the show.

• 1:22:47Courtney Brown?

  Within a few days of starting the Seracul, Lindsay started developing suicidal ideation, something she had never experienced before. According to the lawsuit Lindsay would later file, quote, "After starting Seracul, Lindsay's condition took a dramatic turn for the worse. She developed suicidal ideation and began experiencing what she described as intrusive thoughts, which were actually auditory hallucinations. The voice said, 'I will not be the same. I want to die,' end quote. After taking Seracul, Lindsay also believed that she had developed ketoacidosis, as it was listed as one of the rare side effects. Lindsay felt like Nurse Gelata's medical advice wasn't working. So on December 1st,

• 1:23:30Courtney Brown?

  she scheduled another virtual appointment with Dr. Tufts, the first psychiatrist she saw. During that appointment, Lindsay told Dr. Tufts that she felt down, empty, like a vessel with nothing left inside. She said she tried to get off the Ativan, but without it, she couldn't sleep at all. The Trazodone, she said, had no effect on her. And she tried Prozac with Benadryl and Ativan, but it made her insomnia worse. She said she also tried Remeron with Klonopin, but it made her disoriented. She had intrusive thoughts and rebound anxiety when she woke up in the morning. So she stopped that, too. Lindsay admitted that the only medications that seemed to work were the benzodiazepines. But as soon as they wore off, she felt more restless and panicked than before.

• 1:24:15Courtney Brown?

  But during this appointment, Lindsay did take some responsibility on why things weren't working out. She told Dr. Tufts, quote, "I think it's my problem. I keep reaching out to different people and not sticking with the plan," end quote. Now, Dr. Tufts advised Lindsay on the importance of having only one medical provider who managed medications. But Lindsay wasn't making these decisions to be difficult. She wasn't sticking to the plan because the medications were making her life significantly worse. And she kept reaching out to different people because she wanted to find a solution. Towards the end of her appointment, she told Dr. Tufts, quote, "It's a feeling like I'm going to die," end quote. Dr. Tufts would later testify about this appointment, and she said this.

• 1:25:00Speaker 06

  She was feeling very hopeless, but she didn't have any active thoughts of hurting herself, didn't have any intention of doing anything, didn't have any plans.

• 1:25:11Courtney Brown?

  The two also discussed the possibility of bipolar disorder. But like Nurse Gelata, Dr. Tufts did not believe Lindsay was bipolar. The depression was there, but there had been no signs of mania. Now, following this appointment with Dr. Tufts, Lindsay emailed Nurse Gelata at 12:20 PM, telling her that she couldn't stay on the Remeron. She claimed it was giving her intrusive thoughts, scary thoughts she had never had before. She added, quote, "I would really like to go back to Julie's original plan of Prozac in the morning and using Ativan and Benadryl at night as a Band-Aid until I get to a therapeutic level of Prozac. Please let me know if you agree with this plan. I know I need to give it a good couple of weeks to work," end quote. Nurse Gelata then responded with this.

• 1:25:56Speaker 06

  I sent her a detailed message of signs and symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety, including factors like onset, risk factors, predictors, common symptoms. And it highlighted how intrusive thoughts are quite common in postpartum depression and anxiety. And I asked her, you know, I'm wondering if that's what's going on here. I then asked her if she was able to take the Seracul that night and if she noticed any improvement in terms of sleep or anxiety with the Seracul.

• 1:26:30Colin Brown?

  Lindsay thanked Nurse Gelata for the information and said,

• 1:26:33Courtney Brown?

  "I panicked last night and just took Ativan and Benadryl. But tonight I'll stick with the plan and try 15mg Remeron and the 25mg of Seracul."

• 1:26:43Colin Brown?

  Lindsay even apologized for all the messages she was sending and added,

• 1:26:47Courtney Brown?

  "It's just a very scary time for me. And starting new meds with side effects is very scary to me. I'll check in in the morning and let you know how it went."

• 1:26:56Colin Brown?

  Nurse Gelata informed Lindsay that there were a lot of resources at South Shore that she should look into, including books titled "Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts" and "Pregnancy Postpartum Anxiety Workbook." Now, Lindsay was actually going to the clinic the next day to attend counseling, so she told Nurse Gelata that she would pick up the books then. But on the morning of December 2nd, Lindsay's emotions were hard to ignore. She felt overwhelmed and desperate for any type of relief. At 7:51 AM, she emailed Nurse Gelata.

• 1:27:26Courtney Brown?

  "Hi Rebecca, I took the 15mg Remeron and 25mg Seracul. I woke up at 12 with horribly intrusive thoughts of wanting it to be all over. I took 1mg of Ativan and went back to sleep, and the thoughts went away. Now that I have the Ativan on board, I really need to explore the option that I'm addicted to Ativan. I have a therapy appointment with Letitia Dukes in your office. I would really like to speak to someone in the Substance Use Clinic to explore the option."

• 1:27:55Colin Brown?

  At 8:51 AM, Nurse Gelata responded, "I fully appreciate and understand the concern for benzod tolerance. It's not something I want to happen to my patients ever. With that being said, there's a place for benzodiazepines, especially at the beginning and acute phase of treatment and getting someone stable. We would always pull back slowly. I think another thing to try tonight would be to take 50mg of Seracul, two tablets, and see if that works better. The intrusive thoughts are part of postpartum depression, anxiety, very painful to think and experience. But I want to reassure you that it's not uncommon and means nothing about who you are as a mother. Let me know what you think."

• 1:28:33Courtney Brown?

  At 9:04 AM, Lindsay wrote, "I'm willing to try anything. I just keep coming back to the feeling that I am dependent on Ativan after my two and a half weeks of taking it daily with Benadryl, following the bad reaction to Zoloft. I feel addicted to it, and I feel like I'm not being heard that that is a possibility. I feel that we are throwing all these different meds at my insomnia when the root cause is Ativan dependence. I don't feel any of the anxious thoughts I have before. I feel completely numb."

• 1:29:03Colin Brown?

  But Nurse Gelata did not feel that Lindsay had developed an addiction or even a dependence to the drug. She felt it was working as intended, but she emailed Lindsay back with detailed information on addiction and dependence, hoping Lindsay would see that she did not fit the criteria. Still, she understood Lindsay's concerns and suggested she take the Ativan only every other night as needed and made it clear she would not refill the prescription.

• 1:29:27Courtney Brown?

  At 10:02 AM, Lindsay wrote, "The insomnia started from the Zoloft. Then after two weeks of daily Ativan and Benadryl use, that's when the insomnia was at its worst. I've tried so many different sleeping aids at this point, Trazodone, Ambien, Remeron, and they all seem to barely touch the sleep until I take Ativan with them. So tonight I will try 15mg of Remeron with 50mg of Seracul. I fear that if I wake up in the middle of the night with intrusive thoughts again, I feel like I will need Ativan. I also just feel concerningly numb right now, like I have no emotion whatsoever. I feel like I'm going to die, and I don't care. What do I do about this?"

• 1:30:08Colin Brown?

  Here's how Nurse Gelata responded.

• 1:30:10Speaker 06

  I said, "This sounds like depression and anhedonia symptoms. I would say if you're feeling unsafe, particularly as we head into the weekend, it is important for you to have information for psych emergency services available to you." And I provided a list of the 24-hour emergency service programs like mobile crisis intervention.

• 1:30:32Colin Brown?

  Anhedonia depression is described as the inability to feel pleasure or enjoy things that used to bring joy. There are often reports of people saying they feel numb or flat. It is common in patients with severe depression or postpartum mood disorders. Nurse Gelata reassured Lindsay that even though she felt terrible, her symptoms were from an illness that was highly treatable. She wanted to encourage her that it would pass and that these feelings weren't permanent. Going forward, she instructed her to continue taking 50mg of Seracul, 10mg of Prozac, 15mg of Remeron, and 1mg of Ativan as needed every other day.

• 1:31:08Courtney Brown?

  At 1:40 PM, Lindsay responded, "Thank you. I'll stick with that plan. I really hope it works and to feel like myself soon. I've never felt anything like this before. I just don't feel like myself."

• 1:31:20Colin Brown?

  Now, that same day, Lindsay had her first in-person appointment with Letitia Dukes, a licensed mental health counselor at South Shore. Here's Letitia describing her role.

• 1:31:30Speaker 06

  So my role would be to create a treatment plan to address the concerns, which would be like the anxiety and depression symptoms and work on them. On coping skills and building community supports around that, or if she needed a referral to a higher level of care, I would do that.

• 1:31:45Courtney Brown?

  During Lindsay's appointment, she confided in Letitia that she felt numb. She had no appetite, which caused her to lose a lot of weight, and she was having panic attacks. Her anxiety and depression had gotten so bad, she didn't even have interest in talking to her friends. She admitted to having insomnia and passive suicidal ideation. But when it came to her anxiety surrounding Callan, Lindsay broke down in tears. She told Letitia that she worried about him having medical issues or something bad happening to her children. She said she had thoughts of wanting to die, and she was still worried about developing an addiction to Ativan. But according to Letitia, there were no signs of addiction. Lindsay was using the medication as intended, not abusing it.

• 1:32:28Courtney Brown?

  Now, her initial thoughts was that Lindsay was experiencing postpartum anxiety. She recommended that Lindsay continue taking her medication, attend outpatient therapy, and continue weekly sessions with her at South Shore. Letitia would later admit that she never referred to Nurse Julie Paul or Nurse Rebecca Gelata's notes because she wanted a, quote, "fresh set of eyes" when treating Lindsay.

• 1:32:51Colin Brown?

  According to court documents, Lindsay claimed that she felt emotionless and like a zombie. Now, she spoke openly about her side effects with everyone, with Patrick, her parents, and all of her medical providers. She also reached out to her sister Allison around this time, and Allison knew that Lindsay had been struggling. But by early December 2022, she could tell that things were worse than ever before.

• 1:33:15Speaker 06

  Um, the beginning of December, it seemed like she very much decompensated. Um, I do remember her saying at one point at the beginning of December, something along the lines of, "I'm in a really tough spot." And knowing what she had shared with me previously about how her mental health had been struggling, I had this gut feeling that something was off and that she was really struggling, and I asked her if she was safe.

• 1:33:41Colin Brown?

  What did she say?

• 1:33:42Speaker 06

  She said yes at that point.

• 1:33:43Courtney Brown?

  Luckily, Lindsay's mom was retired and was able to spend a lot of time in Duxbury helping out. But it was becoming increasingly clear that things were deteriorating. Lindsay confided in her mom that she was afraid to be alone. She even asked if she could sleep in the bed with her. By this point, Lindsay was exhausted. She had spent the last few months cycling through medication after medication, and now, things were worse than ever before. Patrick was also upset, and he demanded that Lindsay's next appointment be in person rather than through telehealth online. He believed she wasn't getting the one-on-one care she desperately needed. In his mind, all of her providers were simply prescribing medications and hoping for the best. But according to Patrick, things got really bad

• 1:34:28Courtney Brown?

  when Lindsay started taking Seriquil.

• 1:34:30Speaker 06

  How she was physically after starting the Seriquil?

• 1:34:36Speaker 07

  Awful.

• 1:34:37Speaker 06

  How so?

• 1:34:39Speaker 07

  Um, that was really where her big spiral started. She started to lose a lot of weight, and um, she became very depressed. And uh, she was having a really hard time.

• 1:34:53Speaker 06

  And um, did she describe to you some thoughts or feelings that um, she was having at that time?

• 1:35:01Speaker 07

  Yeah, she started to say she was suicidal.

• 1:35:04Speaker 06

  And was that in December of 2022?

• 1:35:07Speaker 07

  I think so, yeah.

• 1:35:09Speaker 06

  And when she told you she was suicidal, did you ask her if she had a plan on how to kill herself?

• 1:35:15Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:35:16Speaker 06

  And what was her response?

• 1:35:19Speaker 07

  She said no.

• 1:35:19Courtney Brown?

  Early December 2022 should have been a happy time for the couple. Months earlier, they planned to go to dinner and spend the night at a nice hotel for their sixth wedding anniversary. Patrick said he even booked Lindsay a massage at the Omni Parker House, but they had to cancel their plans. By this point, Lindsay's side effects had become so severe, they were debilitating. She had lost 15 pounds. She still didn't have an appetite and was now experiencing panic attacks, confusion, and had trouble focusing on simple tasks. But the most concerning development was Lindsay's suicidal ideation and intrusive thoughts. Really scary intrusive thoughts at that. One evening, while Patrick and her mom were in the kitchen, Lindsay approached them.

• 1:36:02Courtney Brown?

  She appeared nervous, and then she told them, "I have to tell you guys something."

• 1:36:06Speaker 06

  She told us that she had thoughts of harming the children.

• 1:36:10Courtney Brown?

  Here is Patrick describing this conversation.

• 1:36:13Speaker 07

  She described thoughts of, of hurting the kids or um, or having, or them having some sort of ailment. So like, she was very worried that Cora had, whenever she had a stomach ache, she became overly worried that she was um, you know, like, had like a liver problem or something much more dramatic than it was. I think I asked her at some point, you know, "Do you feel like you need to be kept away from them?" And she said, "No." And then, you know, it was very confusing because a minute later, she was making them lunch, she was playing with them, or you know, getting them ready for bed, or whatever it was, so.

• 1:36:53Courtney Brown?

  But that's the thing about mental health issues. For some people, they can be fine one moment and then completely not fine the next. That seemed to be the case for Lindsay. Some moments, she would have an intrusive thought about harming the children. She didn't have a plan to do it, but the thought was still there. Then later that day, Lindsay's old self would resurface. She was able to take care of the children, feed them, give them baths, play with them, take them to different activities. Around this time, Lindsay texted Patrick Cora's Christmas wish list. This year, Cora won a jewelry, a scientist set, a dollhouse, unicorn wallet, princess set, baby doll cradle, and a hairdresser doll set. Lindsay sat down with her as she made this list.

• 1:37:36Courtney Brown?

  That doesn't sound like a mom who wanted to hurt her children. But then another day, Lindsay would spiral after Cora said she had a stomach ache. She was worried it might be a serious problem with her liver. The anxiety would set back in. The intrusive thoughts would creep into her psyche. It seemed like a vicious cycle that never let up. Now, Patrick would later admit that Lindsay mentioned several times that she was having thoughts of hurting the kids, but she didn't say exactly what the thoughts were. And because she didn't have a plan, he didn't think she'd actually hurt them. However, day by day, things were only getting worse.

• 1:38:11Colin Brown?

  On December 3rd, Lindsay emailed Nurse Gelata again.

• 1:38:15Courtney Brown?

  Last night, I didn't take Ativan. My dose had been the night before at 1:00 a.m. I only slept for about four hours at the beginning of the night, about 9:30 to 1:45 a.m. Then I dozed off for maybe another 45 minutes, from 4:30 a.m. to 5:00. Today, all day, I had horrible intrusive thoughts and felt deeply depressed. I finally took half a milligram of Ativan at 6:00 p.m., and now the thoughts are gone, and I feel good.

• 1:38:41Colin Brown?

  The message came through on a Saturday, but Nurse Gelata was out of the office, so she didn't see the email until later that next week. However, Lindsay's symptoms that weekend were horrible. According to Lindsay's lawsuit, on December 4th, she started having auditory hallucinations. They became so frightening that she called the New Bedford Suicide Hotline. During the call, she asked for help, but was turned away because she mentioned she didn't have a specific plan to kill herself. The following day, December 5th, she scheduled a virtual appointment with an Aspire crisis support clinician, once again begging for someone to help her. Her heart was racing, she was suffering from panic attacks. But tragically, she was told that she did not meet the criteria for inpatient treatment because, again,

• 1:39:24Colin Brown?

  she didn't have a specific plan on how she would kill herself. Instead, they suggested an outpatient day program. The clinician at Aspire said he would send over more information to Lindsay, but he never did. So, once again, Lindsay's cry for help went unanswered.

• 1:39:41Courtney Brown?

  Now luckily, Lindsay was able to get an appointment that afternoon with Letitia Dukes, the mental health counselor at South Shore. During the virtual appointment, Patrick sat next to Lindsay as she told the counselor how she was feeling. Lindsay told Letitia that things had been hard, especially the intrusive thoughts about wanting to die.

• 1:40:00Speaker 06

  So, support during this meeting, um, I offered her support in connecting to, it seemed like she needed a higher level of care, so intensive outpatient therapy, partial hospitalization.

• 1:40:09Speaker 07

  Therapy, as well as we reviewed, one of her main concerns was also issues with sleeping. So we reviewed sleep hygiene and how to support better sleep to see if that would help with some of the intrusive thoughts.

• 1:40:21Colin Brown?

  As promised, Letitia sent over more information on programs that could help her, including psychological testing. But in her professional opinion, Lindsay showed no signs of psychosis, mania, delusions, paranoia, or homicidal ideation. The entire appointment lasted 30 minutes, and once again, Lindsay got nowhere. Desperate to find answers, she started Googling things on the internet.

• 1:40:44Courtney Brown?

  Lamictal, Lamictal versus Zoloft. What is mania? Can bipolar disorder be temporary? Can benzos reveal bipolar disorder? How long are detox programs?

• 1:40:55Colin Brown?

  Things were so bad for her that Patrick ended up calling Lindsay's parents to come and stay with them, hoping it would help her. He also wanted to speak with Nurse Gelata in person and voice his concerns about how none of Lindsay's medications were working. Now, Lindsay had already scheduled a virtual telehealth appointment with Nurse Gelata the following day, but Patrick said no. The appointment had to be in person.

• 1:41:17Speaker 07

  Yeah, I felt like it had to be in person because I just felt like there was a disconnect. I felt like we could figure it out, whatever was going on. So most of her, it seemed like most of her telehealth appointments were pretty quick, and there just wasn't like a lot of attention.

• 1:41:37Courtney Brown?

  So on Tuesday, December 6th, Patrick and Lindsay met with Nurse Gelata at her South Shore office. Now, weeks earlier, Nurse Gelata had Lindsay complete an Edinburgh screening, which gives you a score on your depression levels. When Lindsay took it the first time, she scored a 17, which meant moderate to severe depression. But this time, when she took it, she scored a 21, which meant severe depression. Lindsay was also given a generalized anxiety disorder screening, which she scored a 19, and that too was five points higher than the previous time she took it. During the appointment, Nurse Gelata noticed that Lindsay looked anxious, but to her, there were no signs of psychosis. Now, Patrick voiced his concerns regarding Lindsay's Seroquel prescription. He told

• 1:42:22Courtney Brown?

  Nurse Gelata it was causing her to have suicidal ideations, and what Patrick described as horrible thoughts. But according to Lindsay's lawsuit, they were auditory hallucinations, telling her, quote, "I will never be the same. I will never be me again. You are damaged. You will never be the same. The only option is to die," end quote. But during this appointment, Patrick told Nurse Gelata this.

• 1:42:47Colin Brown?

  Lindsay is 10,000 times worse since she has taken medication. Why doesn't she just stop all medications and start from scratch to see what is going on?

• 1:42:56Courtney Brown?

  Patrick asked Nurse Gelata if it was possible she had been prescribed the wrong meds, and that was what was causing these issues. And Nurse Gelata said it was possible. Patrick was upset. He believed that the significant number of medications were turning Lindsay into a, quote, zombie. Now, at some point during this appointment, with Patrick in the room, Nurse Gelata once again brought up the possibility of Lindsay having bipolar disorder. Lindsay hadn't been able to tolerate her antidepressants. She also experienced racing thoughts, had trouble concentrating. She had no interest in the things that used to bring her joy, all symptoms of bipolar disorder. But once again, Nurse Gelata said

• 1:43:37Courtney Brown?

  she didn't seem to have the mania that you typically see with bipolar disorder. However, Nurse Gelata told Patrick and Lindsay that she might be in a, quote, "mixed manic or hypomanic state." But Patrick disagreed.

• 1:43:51Speaker 06

  I recall Patrick saying, "My wife is not bipolar." Lindsay looked at me. She did not, she did not say anything.

• 1:43:59Colin Brown?

  During this appointment, Lindsay said she still worried that she was dependent on Ativan. So to ease her mind, Nurse Gelata administered the Clinical Institute Withdrawal Assessment for Alcohol, a test that measured the severity of alcohol and sometimes benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms. But Lindsay scored a 1, meaning minimal or no withdrawal. Now, going forward, Lindsay was told to taper off Ativan and switch to Valium because the shorter-acting Ativan was causing rebound anxiety as it wore off. Valium was longer acting, so it would stay in her system more steadily, and she could taper off more smoothly. During this appointment, Lindsay also said that she no longer wanted to stay on Remarin or Seroquel, saying the mixture made her feel weighted down and exhausted.

• 1:44:42Courtney Brown?

  Lindsay and Patrick both agreed that they wanted to get rid of those medications and start Prozac again at 20mg. However, Nurse Gelata had her concerns, especially now that she was considering that Lindsay might have bipolar disorder. Like we mentioned earlier, if someone does have bipolar, an antidepressant alone will not help. Nurse Gelata later said it can, quote, "create a scenario where people are flipping back and forth between manic symptoms and depressed symptoms," end quote. So like I said, usually when someone has a bipolar diagnosis, they will prescribe them an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer, which is what Lindsay was doing.

• 1:45:22Colin Brown?

  So Nurse Gelata told Lindsay to continue the Seroquel for a little while longer, and to taper off the Remarin. And if it still wasn't working after that, then she would consider putting her back on Prozac. Lindsay agreed. However, the following morning, she sent Nurse Gelata the following email.

• 1:45:39Courtney Brown?

  Hi Rebecca, last night did not go well at all. I took the Valium and the melatonin and slept from 9:00 PM to 1:00 AM. Then around 2:00 AM, I got desperate and took 25mg of Benadryl, and I only slept for one more hour. What can I do? I really need help.

• 1:45:56Colin Brown?

  Nurse Gelata replied one hour later, reviewing Lindsay's sleep problems and the medication plan. That same day, she also prescribed additional Valium and increased Lindsay's Seroquel dose from 50mg to 100mg. She believed that Lindsay might be in a mixed manic or hypomanic state related to possible bipolar disorder. Nurse Gelata testified that she wanted to get the manic symptoms under control, and Seroquel is commonly used for that purpose in bipolar treatment. So she emailed Lindsay back, saying, "If you're not sleeping well with the Valium alone, there's no need to continue it. And I will prescribe a short taper to get you off benzos altogether. Because you are not tired at all and have a significant reaction to Zoloft at 50mg, I'm concerned this is an underlying

• 1:46:38Colin Brown?

  mood in bipolar disorder. I know you and your husband did not necessarily agree with that, but I'm going to send along this information to review."

• 1:46:45Courtney Brown?

  Nurse Gelata then attached a list of symptoms of bipolar disorder and risk factors. Now, both Lindsay and Patrick said that Seroquel made Lindsay so much worse. However, thinking that Lindsay might be bipolar, Nurse Gelata was adamant that she stay on it. In fact, she wanted to increase her dosage over the next few days. On December 7th, Nurse Gelata told Lindsay to go from 50mg to 100. Then the following day, she wanted Lindsay to double that dosage, taking 200mg. Then the next night, 300. And then finally, by December 10th, she wanted her taking 400mg of Seroquel.

• 1:47:25Colin Brown?

  On December 8th, Lindsay reported that she had slept well the night before with the combination of Valium and Seroquel. But on December 9th, both Patrick and Lindsay called Nurse Gelata's office and agreed that Lindsay's symptoms were acute, which means it starts suddenly and gets worse quickly. Now, according to Nurse Gelata, Patrick did most of the talking on this call. He was extremely worried. Lindsay had been waking up with panic symptoms, racing heart, intense fear, intrusive suicidal thoughts. But again, she said she had no plan for the suicide. So at this point, Nurse Gelata told Lindsay to stay on her medications, but she wanted her to try out a partial hospitalization at Women and Infants Hospital in Rhode Island, a hospital that specialized in prenatal and

• 1:48:07Colin Brown?

  postpartum care. Lindsay told her she would look into it, but as the days continued, Lindsay's sleep remained unstable and her mood stayed low. Over the weekend, things felt especially hard. And on Monday, December 12th, Lindsay messaged Nurse Gelata this.

• 1:48:23Courtney Brown?

  I've been noticing on my Apple Watch that my heart rate has been fluctuating more than usual. It has been going from 56 to 136 within a matter of minutes. I'm wondering if this is a side effect of the Seroquel, and if there's anything I can do about it.

• 1:48:37Colin Brown?

  Nurse Gelata explained that it was a normal temporary side effect that was common in the first few days. But Lindsay once again told her that she didn't want to be on those medications. She feared they were causing her symptoms, making everything worse. She didn't want to take them anymore. She was extremely depressed and unmotivated. She didn't have the energy to go Christmas shopping. In fact, she couldn't even drive, her symptoms were so bad. But Nurse Gelata told her about the dangers of abruptly stopping medication. She told her it could lead to even worse symptoms. And she encouraged her to continue the Seroquel and Valium. And if things continued to get worse, she should pursue partial hospitalization at the Women and Infants Hospital.

• 1:49:17Courtney Brown?

  So Lindsay continued taking the medication, but she didn't increase the Seroquel to 400mg, like Nurse Gelata had instructed. Instead, she stopped at 200mg. And of course, by December 13th, Lindsay had not improved. She was deeply depressed, had no motivation to do anything, and she continued having suicidal ideations. She told Patrick she wanted, quote, "this to be all over," end quote. Now, that same day, she had an in-person visit with Nurse Gelata, but she changed it to virtual. During the visit, Lindsay said she had been sleeping better. She was now getting seven to nine hours of sleep a night. But her depression had not improved. She reported feeling numb and hopeless, and

• 1:49:59Courtney Brown?

  her heart was still racing. Nurse Gelata told Lindsay to continue the Seroquel at the same dose for seven days, and to taper the Valium to 2mg. Then she would reassess in one week. However, just two days later, Nurse Gelata received a phone call. This time, it wasn't Lindsay, it was Patrick. He told Nurse Gelata that Lindsay had a, quote, "devastating week." He reported that she had intrusive thoughts of suicide. And according to Lindsay's lawsuit, she was having auditory hallucinations every single day, voices that told her, "I will never be the same. I will never be me again. You are damaged. You will never be the same. The only option is to die," end quote. Patrick stated that Lindsay

• 1:50:42Courtney Brown?

  had no energy and couldn't get out of bed. Lindsay even told her mom that she feared Cora and Dawson's preschool teachers would know what she was thinking, that they would judge her and see that she wasn't a good mother because she was sick.

• 1:50:56Speaker 03

  Did she express to you concern that in this timeframe, that people at the school, teachers and other people would be able to know what she was thinking and would think that she wasn't a good mother because she was sick? Yes, she said the school

• 1:51:10Speaker 06

  Knows some, something's going on because I'm not driving my car. To, you know, they see that I'm not driving my car to pick the kids up.

• 1:51:19Courtney Brown?

  Lindsay was more paranoid than ever before. She feared she would be locked away in a mental hospital and that her children would be taken away. Lindsay had even told her parents that she wanted to take her own life, that the drugs were quote destroying her mind and that she was no longer herself. Things had reached an all time low. Hearing this, Nurse Gelata was very concerned. So much so, she suggested that Lindsay be taken to a hospital.

• 1:51:43Colin Brown?

  That very day, Lindsay was admitted to the Massachusetts General Hospital Emergency Room. Now, keep in mind, this is where Lindsay worked as a labor and delivery nurse. She hadn't been to work in months due to her mental health problems and now here she was, a patient. During her stay, Lindsay was evaluated by three doctors. One believed that she should be admitted to McLean, a psychiatric hospital, while the other two recommended a partial hospitalization at Women and Infants Hospital in Rhode Island, which is the same hospital Nurse Gelata and Counselor Letitia Dukes recommended. Now, it was noted that most patients attend Women and Infants Hospital for two to three weeks. And it's a day treatment program, meaning patients come in during the day for therapy and medication management, and then return home at night.

• 1:52:28Colin Brown?

  Even better was that moms could bring their babies to the program. Lindsay told them she would consider it.

• 1:52:34Courtney Brown?

  After Lindsay's symptoms subsided, she came home from the ER feeling defeated. Nothing was working. So the next day, on December 16th, she scheduled another telehealth appointment with Dr. Tufts. During the session, Lindsay said she was having a rough time. She told Dr. Tufts about being admitted into the hospital and how she was considering the partial hospitalization program. As for her symptoms, Lindsay said that the combination of Saracel and Valium had helped with her insomnia. However, she was still severely depressed. She told Dr. Tufts that she had absolutely no motivation and some suicidal ideation, but still no plan. She believed that the Saracel was making her depression worse.

• 1:53:15Courtney Brown?

  So Dr. Tufts decided to add a new prescription, 25mg of Lamictal, another mood stabilizer that helps with depression. Here is Dr. Tufts reasoning.

• 1:53:27Speaker 06

  Yes, at that moment, given how the depression was continuing and worsening, I, I did feel like after we had discussed the Lamictal numerous times, that I, I did need to, to step in and prescribe that for her.

• 1:53:45Courtney Brown?

  Now, all of these medical professionals were seeing Lindsay and prescribing her all of these different medications, meds that were not working. And unfortunately, these professionals were not working together. At no point did Dr. Tufts reach out to South Shore regarding Lindsay's mental health or her medication management. And South Shore never reached out to Dr. Tufts. And now Lindsay was on a new cocktail of medications. Saracel and Valium prescribed by Nurse Gelata and Lamictal prescribed by Dr. Tufts. And a lot of people have questioned why? Why was Lindsay running around to all these different professionals? And clearly, it's because she desperately wanted help. When she felt like one doctor's treatment plan wasn't working, she tried again with someone else.

• 1:54:29Courtney Brown?

  But that one wasn't working either. She was desperate for relief and she couldn't find it. With each new pill she took, Lindsay obsessively Googled information on the medication. There were times when she was Googling up to 100 times per night. She would look up things like what are benzodiazepines? What is Saracel? She would look up their side effects, reviews on the medication, anything to try and get an understanding of what she was putting in her body and why it wasn't working for her. Now, following this appointment with Dr. Tufts, Lindsay emailed Nurse Gelata. She told her about the Lamictal prescription and she wanted to know what she thought about it. Nurse Gelata said she was in agreement with adding that medication to her current plan.

• 1:55:12Courtney Brown?

  But she still wanted Lindsay to increase her prescription of Saracel from 200mg to 300. So Lindsay did as instructed. That week, she was now taking Lamictal, Saracel and Valium, more medication than she had ever taken before. And as you've likely guessed, it didn't help. Soon enough, Christmas was right around the corner. Decorations lined the streets. Christmas trees were seen in the window of every home in their neighborhood. In the years prior, Lindsay always made this holiday so special. She loved getting her children gifts, watching them get up on Christmas morning to see what Santa brought. She loved decorating the tree, building snowmen and making cookies and hot chocolate with her children.

• 1:55:55Courtney Brown?

  Cora's birthday was also on Christmas Eve, so that made this time of year even more special. But this year felt different. Lindsay's mental health was getting worse. She tried her best to stick it out, to push her own feelings aside to make the holiday special. On December 19th, Lindsay sat down for another virtual appointment with Counselor Letitia Dukes. Letitia said that Lindsay seemed better than the last time she saw her. Lindsay reported that she was spending more time with her family, but depression still clouded everything. She reported feeling numb. She still couldn't sleep well, but she did say she was finally going to call the Women and Infants Hospital. It had reached that point.

• 1:56:34Colin Brown?

  December 21st, 2022 was three days before Cora's birthday, four days before Christmas. And Lindsay finally made the decision to go to the Women and Infants Hospital. That morning, Patrick dropped her off and then he and Dawson spent the day skiing. But at the hospital, Lindsay told medical staff this.

• 1:56:54Courtney Brown?

  I feel numb and crazy depressed. My life is becoming a disaster. I messed up beyond repair. It takes all the effort in the world just to breathe. But the thing that scares me the most, I can no longer feel fear.

• 1:57:07Colin Brown?

  Now, Lindsay would speak to Dr. Zobeta Diaz, who gave her that Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale again. This time Lindsay scored a 23, another increase from her last screening. Her generalized anxiety disorder seven item score was a 21, the highest possible score indicating severe anxiety.

• 1:57:26Courtney Brown?

  But despite these results, Dr. Diaz did not believe that she suffered from postpartum depression or bipolar disorder. In her notes, she wrote that Lindsay had quote, "no history of hypomania or psychosis or family history." Now, interestingly, there was a family history of postpartum depression. According to the Boston Globe, a psychiatrist at Women and Infants Hospital noted that Lindsay's sister Allison had postpartum anxiety. And that was in Lindsay's notes, but apparently it wasn't considered. Instead, Dr. Diaz believed that Lindsay's symptoms were largely due to being on all these different medications. In her notes, she wrote that Lindsay was depressed because she was quote, "overmedicated" and having quote, "adverse drug effects."

• 1:58:11Courtney Brown?

  And because she didn't think Lindsay was suffering from postpartum depression, Dr. Diaz actually refused to let Lindsay into the Women and Infants Program. She wasn't the right fit, she thought. But going forward, Dr. Diaz did recommend that Lindsay start weaning off Saracel, which is the antipsychotic that seemed to make her symptoms worse. The medical team there said that they tried to contact Nurse Gelata to discuss Lindsay's care going forward, but Nurse Gelata never responded. And after just eight hours in the hospital, Lindsay was sent home. On the ride back to Duxbury, I can't imagine the frustration she felt. It was Christmas time. She had already mentally prepared herself that she would be spending the next two weeks there, finally getting answers, hopefully feeling better.

• 1:58:55Courtney Brown?

  But now, she was right back where she started.

• 1:59:00Colin Brown?

  That night, after coming back home, Lindsay had no idea what to do. She had no clear plan other than to wean herself off Saracel. She was so lost and confused about her next steps, she reached out to an old friend of hers who had tried the antidepressant Lexapro. She asked the friend a number of questions about the medication, hoping that maybe she could try that one next, since none of the others had worked. It was clear that Lindsay was desperate to find help. Around this time, Lindsay also created a note in her cell phone with the title, "Medication stole my motherhood and my life." In the note, she wrote this.

• 1:59:34Courtney Brown?

  I was the healthiest, happiest mom. I worked out every morning, meditated and took care of myself so I could be the best for my kids, until prescription medication stole me from my own body.

• 1:59:45Colin Brown?

  Soon after being discharged from the Women and Infants Hospital, Lindsay reached out to Nurse Gelata to tell her the news, that Dr. Diaz wanted her to wean off the Saracel. Nurse Gelata said she wasn't opposed to Lindsay going off Saracel, but she was concerned that she had been discharged from the hospital. So Nurse Gelata responded to Lindsay saying, "I'm concerned she discharged you as I do feel you could benefit from the groups" and added support separate even from medication changes. In fact, if we're not going the medication route, I think groups and therapy are the treatment needed, as I feel the intrusive thoughts you've been having are nonetheless concerning and I know they've caused you considerable distress.

• 2:00:25Courtney Brown?

  But again, there was no concrete plan going forward. The only thing Lindsay was told to do at this time was to wean off Saroquill. And Nurse Gelata wanted to hold off on that for now. With the Christmas holiday around the corner, Nurse Gelata was going to be out of the office for two weeks. She worried that tapering Lindsay off the Saroquill would be detrimental to her mental health. There was a risk of worsening mood and sleep. And because she was out of the office, she wouldn't be there if Lindsay needed her. So Nurse Gelata asked Lindsay if she would be comfortable seeing Dr. Jennifer Tufts while weaning off the Saroquill. And Lindsay said she was okay with that. Now, you can't just stop taking medication. You have to wean off of it. So Nurse Gelata instructed her to take 200mg of Saroquill for four nights,

• 2:01:09Courtney Brown?

  followed by 100mg for another four nights, and then 50mg for the last four nights. After the course of 12 days, Lindsay would be off Saroquill completely. Now, following this, grasping at any sense of normalcy, Lindsay and Patrick continued working out together at the Kingsbury Club on multiple occasions. But Lindsay still couldn't shake her overwhelming thoughts. The depression, the anxiety, the suicidal ideation, it never went away. Patrick admitted that Lindsay had stopped speaking about having thoughts of harming the children. And as far as the suicidal ideation, it never progressed to a specific plan. But underneath the surface, life had quickly become an unbearable nightmare.

• 2:01:51Courtney Brown?

  Soon enough, it was Cora's fifth birthday, the day before Christmas. And as much as Lindsay wanted to be happy and celebrate her daughter, she was suffering. Everyone around them was concerned. Now, at some point, it's never been specified when, but on the family's computer, there was a Google search that read, "Where is the carotid artery? How to slit your throat and die? Can you turn airbags off a Kia Sorento?" Now, we don't know who made these searches. That was never made clear. But Lindsay drove a Kia Sorento. Did she Google these things, planning to one day kill herself?

• 2:02:26Colin Brown?

  That Christmas, Lindsay was able to spend the holiday with her family, but it was clear to her sister Allison that things were not good. In fact, Allison stated that Lindsay was worse than she had been at the beginning of the month. Lindsay told her that her depression was getting worse, that she was having suicidal thoughts, and that the insomnia wouldn't let up. "The suicidal thoughts," Lindsay told her sister, "had been coming every single day for an entire month." She admitted the medications weren't working. She said she felt absolutely nothing, and that it scared her. Now, Lindsay's mom had spent almost the entire month of December with Lindsay, but left on Christmas Eve to go spend time with Allison and her family. On Christmas Day, Lindsay, Patrick, and the kids had breakfast with Patrick's parents

• 2:03:09Colin Brown?

  at their home, followed by a Christmas church service. Patrick's mom Sue admitted that breakfast was great and church was beautiful. Lindsay even told Sue that she was glad they all went to church together. Then the Clancys traveled to Connecticut to spend the rest of the holiday with Lindsay's parents.

• 2:03:24Courtney Brown?

  On December 27th, Lindsay called their pediatrician and scheduled an appointment for Cora and Callan because they weren't feeling well. She drove them to the doctor and interacted with the staff. That same day, Patrick spoke to Lindsay's counselor, Latisha Dukes. He told her he was concerned about all the medications Lindsay was taking. But Latisha had no control over the medications, and she told him he needed to speak to Nurse Gelata. However, as we mentioned, Nurse Gelata was on holiday at the time. And by December 29th, Lindsay couldn't do it anymore. After attempting to wean off the Saroquill, life had become unbearable. And finally, Lindsay told Patrick that she needed to be admitted into a psychiatric hospital.

• 2:04:07Courtney Brown?

  Now, the hospital in question is called McLean. It's a well-known, top-ranked psychiatric facility in Belmont, Massachusetts. And it became Lindsay's last major attempt to understand what was happening to her and finally get the care she needed. At this point, Lindsay could hardly do anything. She couldn't get out of bed, she couldn't shower, she couldn't feel anything. On December 30th, Patrick called Nurse Gelata's office, but she was still on her break. So he spoke to Nurse Katrina Malanson regarding Lindsay's declining mental health. He reported that Lindsay was safe, but things were getting worse, and that Lindsay wanted to go to McLean. The nurse told Patrick to take Lindsay to the emergency room immediately for evaluation. After hanging up the phone,

• 2:04:52Courtney Brown?

  this would be the last time that Lindsay or Patrick ever contacted South Shore Perinatal Behavioral Health Clinic. All in all, despite the numerous emails exchanged between Nurse Gelata and Lindsay and the constant medication changes, Nurse Gelata never reached out to any of Lindsay's other medical providers. And the two actually never spoke again, not even after Nurse Gelata came back from her break. But later that same day, December 30th, Lindsay took Callan to the doctor. Even in the midst of her crisis, she was still concerned about her children's health. Following the doctor's appointment, Patrick and Lindsay drove back to the Mass General emergency room. And it was there that the staff suggested she be admitted to McLean. Patrick said he was fully supportive of this.

• 2:05:37Speaker 07

  Because she was still talking about thoughts of suicide. And I was exhausted. I said, "I think it's time to go to McLean." And we didn't have a diagnosis. So we just didn't really know what was wrong. And I think for me, I was hoping that McLean could really evaluate her and try to figure out the best path forward.

• 2:06:06Colin Brown?

  Lindsay spent the majority of the night at Mass General, snapping a picture of herself as she lay in the hospital bed. At 3:00 AM on the morning of December 31st, she admitted herself and was transferred to McLean citing severe depression and suicidal ideation. Other symptoms included: feeling detached, hopelessness, no appetite or energy to perform activities of daily living, no motivation, anhedonia, racing thoughts, inability to organize thoughts, memory problems, anxiety, and insomnia. In addition, her judgment and insight were documented as limited. Now, at McLean, Lindsay was placed in a locked unit with 15-minute suicide checks. Lindsay arrived on a Saturday morning, the day before a major holiday, New Year's.

• 2:06:50Colin Brown?

  Monday, January 2nd, 2023, was also an observed holiday. But Lindsay would later report that her time at McLean wasn't really what she expected. She later described a skeleton crew, saying no doctor visited her and that the nurses mostly stayed at their desk behind a glass partition. During her first few days, she spent her time doing puzzles, coloring, and playing with clay. She was also allowed to go on walks. While Lindsay was admitted into this hospital, her children missed her dearly. Cora even told her teacher how she felt about her mom's absence.

• 2:07:22Courtney Brown?

  She missed her mom, and she was vocal about that. Lindsay was a big part of the children's lives. It wasn't common for her to be gone this long, but she wanted to get better. While she was hospitalized, Lindsay's mom and Patrick's parents stepped in to help care for the kids while Patrick worked. When Patrick came to visit Lindsay at McLean, he said she seemed to be doing well compared to the other patients. He would later say, "There were people there who were like, clearly nuts. Lindsay seemed to have it together." At one point, she even texted him, "I don't belong here." During Patrick's visits, Lindsay also told him that she hadn't seen or spoken to a doctor. Now, according to the prosecution, Lindsay was seen daily by a resident doctor,

• 2:08:05Courtney Brown?

  a licensed social worker, and a group therapist. However, according to Lindsay, she didn't see a doctor until Tuesday, January 3rd, several days into her stay. Now, later on, a licensed clinical social worker named Emily Thorndike would speak out about McLean Hospital. She had worked there for seven years but left in 2021, one year before Lindsay was admitted. But according to Emily, McLean did not give their patients the best care. Emily said that there are typically about 23 patients at McLean at any given time. And on a normal weekday, there are around four to five psychiatrists that will divide up the 23 patients, making sure each get their individualized care. But Emily said that's only on the weekdays.

• 2:08:49Courtney Brown?

  On weekends and holidays, there's usually only one psychiatrist overseeing the 23 patients, which makes it nearly impossible to see all of them on the same day. Emily said if they do see all the patients, it's usually very rushed. And Lindsay Clancy was there on a holiday, New Year's. So it's very possible that she was telling the truth when she said she hadn't seen a doctor. Now, it was also mentioned that one-on-one therapy was offered every day in Lindsay's unit. But Emily argued that one-on-one therapy was not offered in Lindsay's unit at all. She said what the prosecution was referring to was "daily check-ins by unlicensed individuals." During these check-ins, they asked generic questions like, "How was your day? How'd you sleep?

• 2:09:34Courtney Brown?

  What's your treatment plan? Have you talked to your family? Do you feel safe?" Lindsay went on to say that these check-ins occur every 15 minutes. It's a standard procedure to make sure all the patients are essentially alive. But it's not individualized care by any means. It's simply a box to be checked on paperwork. Emily later said, "We are just visually putting eyes on them. It's just a hello, I see you." Now, the prosecution would later say that Lindsay was well enough to go on walks outside during her stay at McLean. But Emily said that 75% of the patients are granted access to leave the building, and that the only patients who aren't allowed to go outside are the ones with acute safety concerns.

• 2:10:16Courtney Brown?

  The patients who can't be trusted to not harm themselves, or the ones who are flight risks. Lindsay was not one of these people.

• 2:10:24Colin Brown?

  After a few days of being at McLean and not feeling like she was getting the proper care, Lindsay wanted to go home. She missed her family. Cora's birthday was coming up, and Lindsay wasn't getting the relief that she expected while being there. So she asked to be discharged early. Now, social worker Emily Thorndike said that that was completely normal for patients, especially for something pertaining to family: birthdays, holidays, graduations. In fact, according to Emily, the staff is encouraged to let the patients leave to go do something that will be good for their mental health. And in Lindsay's case, that was attending Cora's birthday. But first, while at McLean, once the holiday ended, Lindsay was able to meet with the psychiatry team. Around this time, Lindsay's

• 2:11:07Colin Brown?

  mother texted her, asking how she was doing. And Lindsay responded with this:

• 2:11:11Courtney Brown?

  I'm alright, anxious about meeting with the whole psychiatry team. I'm just worried they won't send me home soon.

• 2:11:18Colin Brown?

  During her meeting with the psychiatrist team, Dr. Aliya Goodheart advised Lindsay to stop taking Seriquil and benzodiazepines. Instead, she prescribed her Trazodone for insomnia. Ultimately, they also diagnosed Lindsay with major depressive disorder, severe, without psychotic features. Once again, there was no mention of postpartum depression or psychosis. But it should be noted that Dr. Goodheart later testified that she had never even treated anyone with postpartum psychosis. How many patients have you treated, how many women have you treated that were suffering from postpartum psychosis?

• 2:11:58Speaker 07

  I don't recall. I don't remember, but I think it would stick in my memory, so I don't think that I probably have.

• 2:12:07Colin Brown?

  You don't think you probably have?

• 2:12:11Speaker 07

  I don't, I don't think I have. I haven't seen any.

• 2:12:16Colin Brown?

  What about postpartum depression?

• 2:12:19Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 2:12:20Colin Brown?

  How many patients have you treated with postpartum depression?

• 2:12:24Speaker 07

  Over the last twenty years, I wouldn't, there are lots of patients I have seen. I don't keep a record of what diagnoses and what people I see.

• 2:12:39Courtney Brown?

  Now, I want to take a quick second to talk about postpartum psychosis. It's considered a reversible mental health condition that affects people after giving birth. And while postpartum depression and anxiety are fairly common, postpartum psychosis is actually pretty rare. According to the Cleveland Clinic, it roughly affects, quote, "between .089 and 2.6 out of every 1,000 births," end quote. Now, sadly, it was later said at trial that in the DSM-5, which is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, they don't even have postpartum psychosis listed as its own separate diagnosis. In the entire

• 2:13:21Courtney Brown?

  thousand-page manual, it's only mentioned once, on page 149. Now, usually when evaluating someone with suspected postpartum psychosis, doctors will conduct a test on your thyroid function. Women with postpartum psychosis will have a higher rate of thyroid dysfunction, a physical indicator that something is amiss. But while at McLean, Lindsay's thyroid was never checked. Dr. Goodheart explained that blood was drawn, but only to test if there was medication abuse. But in their professional opinion, Lindsay was not experiencing postpartum psychosis. Dr. Goodheart believes she was simply a woman that had been overmedicated. Now, I also want to point out that Lindsay wasn't telling her doctors about the intrusive

• 2:14:05Courtney Brown?

  thoughts, or the auditory hallucinations she said she had. She never told them she had thoughts of harming her children. And there's been a lot of debate as to why she didn't tell them this. But according to some experts, it's because she was scared. Lindsay loved her children. The fact that she was having those thoughts at all was terrifying, but saying them out loud, that was even scarier. Of course, she had confided in the two people closest to her: Patrick, the man who vowed to stick by her side through better or worse, through sickness and in health. And then she also told her mom, the woman who birthed her, who loved her unconditionally. But telling that to medical professionals, mandated reporters, that was horrifying. Saying those things out loud could get her children taken away

• 2:14:50Courtney Brown?

  from her. Lindsay knew that. Being a nurse, she was a mandated reporter herself. According to everyone who knew Lindsay, her children were her life, and the last thing in the world she wanted was for them to be taken away. So she kept those thoughts to herself, only telling Patrick and her mom.

• 2:15:08Colin Brown?

  On January 4th, Lindsay attended a 40-minute group session for medication management, but she asked if she could go home for Cora's birthday party, which was scheduled for January 7th. Lindsay stated that she felt better, and that her thoughts had improved since weaning off the Seriquil. She told Dr. Goodheart that she would never harm herself, citing her mother and children as reasons to live. And from there, she was approved for discharge. Medical staff noted that she no longer had suicidal ideations or auditory hallucinations. The following day, on January 5th, Lindsay participated in a group session for expressive therapy, and after that, she went home. Court documents reported, Lindsay was discharged

• 2:15:48Colin Brown?

  from McLean Hospital on January 5th, 2023, after only a five-day stay, despite her documented, limited insight and judgment, and was returned to the care of the same outpatient providers who had been providing allegedly substandard care.

• 2:16:02Courtney Brown?

  Patrick later said that he had no idea Lindsay asked to be discharged, or that it was her idea to leave early. So he picked her up from McLean, and the two drove back to Duxbury. But Lindsay once again felt defeated. She had been at one of the best hospitals in the country, yet she felt like they didn't give her the best care. And there was still a lingering fear that she would only get worse. If she did, what else was there to do? She had already exhausted all of her options. Now, shortly after discharge, Dr. Goodheart called Lindsay and spoke to her about the possibility of other antidepressants, including amitriptyline. The phone call only lasted 10 minutes. But on January 6th,

• 2:16:43Courtney Brown?

  Lindsay decided to do a follow-up appointment with the first doctor she had seen, Dr. Jennifer Tufts. Lindsay told Dr. Tufts that she had successfully weaned off the Seriquil, and was now taking 100mg of Trazodone, 1mg of Ativan, and 5mg of melatonin. According to Lindsay, the Trazodone and melatonin caused no side effects. But she still felt more anxious when the Ativan wore off. She said she was feeling numb. So this time around, Dr. Tufts diagnosed Lindsay with chronic major depressive disorder, single episode, moderate. The appointment lasted only 17 minutes. In her notes, Dr. Tufts said it was clear Lindsay's mental health was, quote, "deteriorating."

• 2:17:24Speaker 06

  It, it sounds like a very strong word. I will give some context that it's, it's not my choice of a word. I have three options when I'm filling that out. I can say a patient is improving, unchanged, or deteriorating. So she wasn't improving, and she wasn't really unchanged. She appeared a little bit worse than the last time I had seen her. So the, the best word is, is to say deteriorating.

• 2:17:51Colin Brown?

  Around this time, Lindsay reached out to her sister Allison. She told her that she was starting to feel better after weaning off the Seriquil, and wanted to look toward the future. And from the outside looking in, she was doing just that. On January 7th, the Clancy's hosted a birthday party for Cora at Nova Trampoline Park in Plymouth. Lindsay purchased all the items for the party and set it all up. But when the party came around, she didn't seem like herself. Here's her sister Allison describing this day.

• 2:18:20Speaker 06

  I think she looked like she was going through the motions of putting together a birthday party for her daughter. But she looked tired. She looked like she was still struggling.

• 2:18:31Courtney Brown?

  Lindsay smiled. She thanked everyone for coming. Yet, she had a hard time holding a conversation. She later said she struggled to understand what others were saying, but she did her best. A video from that day showed her bending over to light the candles on a chocolate cupcake, while Cora watched in excitement, wearing a pink paper crown. At this birthday party, Lindsay's friend Bethany was there. Lindsay had opened up to her in the past about her mental health struggles. And Bethany wanted to know if things had gotten better. So she asked her, "How are you? How have things been?" She responded that things haven't gotten any better, and that she feels like a zombie.

• 2:19:06Colin Brown?

  But still, Lindsay continued showing up for her family. The day after Cora's birthday party, January 8th, the family went out together to the Museum of Science. For Patrick, he said it felt like the old Lindsay. She was interacting with Cora, Dawson, and Callan, playing with them, and participating in various activities. In a video shown in court, Cora can be seen playing with an exhibit. Lindsay, Callan, and Dawson were watching her play. Lindsay was interacting with all of her children, pointing to them, showing them how to work the various activities. Once Cora was finished, Lindsay was seen helping Dawson with the same activity.

• 2:19:42Courtney Brown?

  And something I want to note, whether you believe Lindsay had postpartum psychosis or not, is that people that are experiencing this aren't always going to seem like they're in psychosis. One moment, they might be perfectly fine, going about their daily routine, and then the next moment, they slip into a psychotic episode.

• 2:20:01Colin Brown?

  On January 8th, Lindsay's mother texted her, asking, "Did you sleep good?" Lindsay responded, "Yeah." Patrick noticed this too. He later said, "It gave me hope," especially because for the next few days, Lindsay's mood seemed to improve. They all went out to eat at the Charlie Horse Restaurant, a family establishment with arcade games. According to Patrick, it was around this time when Lindsay started encouraging him to leave the house, to go out and enjoy himself. Patrick said he thought she was taking a turn for the better. But under the surface, Lindsay wasn't getting better. In fact, according to Lindsay's lawsuit, her auditory hallucinations returned only one week after being discharged from McLean Hospital. Dr. Paul Zizel testified this:

• 2:20:44Speaker 07

  She wasn't just having everyday thoughts like we all have, reminding ourselves to do something, which we make note of, and then we move on. Intrusive thoughts are unrelenting. They don't stop. They're what we call egosthonic. You don't want them. They keep interfering with your ability to get through the day.

• 2:21:03Colin Brown?

  Did she have, at this point, intrusive thoughts continuing regarding...

• 2:21:12Colin Brown?

  Voices in her head that she heard constantly. Yes. What were these voices saying to her? They were getting worse and they were telling her to kill herself. Now, Lindsay was still concerned about her Ativan usage, so on January 9th, she returned to Dr. Tufts's office and was prescribed Valium to help taper off the benzodiazepines. Dr. Tufts reported she would add an antidepressant at some point, but not right now. The following day, on January 10th, Lindsay's mother texted her and asked how she was doing. Lindsay responded.

• 2:21:44Courtney Brown?

  Good, at the gym with the kids.

• 2:21:47Colin Brown?

  Paula then asked if she was feeling better during the day, and Lindsay responded.

• 2:21:51Courtney Brown?

  So far, a little bit.

• 2:21:52Colin Brown?

  Are you sleeping any better, Paula asked?

• 2:21:55Courtney Brown?

  Yeah, not perfect, but enough. A week off Seracil should make more of a difference. So a couple more days till that, but I do think it's helping being off.

• 2:22:04Colin Brown?

  But Lindsay's mom was still concerned.

• 2:22:06Courtney Brown?

  Lindsay had lost a lot of weight. She had become, during this whole time, paranoid about the different things that, really, she shouldn't have been, you know, really want logical to become paranoid about.

• 2:22:24Courtney Brown?

  She would mention that her, this wasn't her mind, and she would say to me, I've never, this isn't me, I've never been like this before. And I would agree because she wasn't.

• 2:22:37Courtney Brown?

  She, she was attempting to go through the motions of her day, take care of the kids as best she could. She stopped, she didn't want to drive. So at times when Pat didn't go pick the kids up at school, I would drive Lindsay to pick the kids up at, just at school because she didn't, she was afraid to drive.

• 2:22:58Colin Brown?

  While Patrick was going out to brunch with his friends, Lindsay stayed home with Cora, Dawson, and Callan, sending him pictures of the fun they were having. Dawson drew a picture of a fireman putting out a fire, grinning ear to ear as Lindsay snapped a photo. She was going through the motions, but she was still struggling. After trying all these different medications, she couldn't seem to figure out what to do next. Throughout her online research, Lindsay learned that in some cases, if someone is resistant to antidepressants, ketamine therapy can help with their symptoms. So on January 11th, she emailed Dr. Tufts and asked if ketamine therapy would be a good choice for her. In the email, she wrote this.

• 2:23:38Courtney Brown?

  I'm still feeling very low mood, no motivation, just very depressed. This has been going on for months now, and I'm getting desperate for something that will work quickly to get me out of this depressed state.

• 2:23:50Colin Brown?

  Dr. Tufts would later say that ketamine therapy is a good option for some people, but she didn't think Lindsay was ready for that just yet. She wanted her to continue with her current plan. On January 12th, Lindsay once again turned to the internet for more information.

• 2:24:05Courtney Brown?

  How quickly does Wellbutrin work for depression, Lamictal for depression, Elivil for depression? How to tell if you're sleep deprived or depressed?

• 2:24:14Colin Brown?

  But in between these Google searches, where Lindsay's trying to figure out what's wrong with her, there are also Google searches that show just how much she cared for her children. Between December 31st and January 19th, she would Google things like.

• 2:24:27Courtney Brown?

  Pre-made goodie bags, a child with bloated belly and lethargy, children's Motrin stores, is children's Tylenol the same as infants, six-month-old whale windows, Earth's best organic baby food, Earth's best organic infant formula, best kids movies, unicorn picture, Paw Patrol, Chuck E. Cheese, fluffy slime recipe.

• 2:24:50Colin Brown?

  Now around this time, Lindsay's mom texted her again, asking how she was doing. Lindsay said that she was doing okay and taking it day by day. She said her sleep was better, but she had spent most of the previous night awake with Cora because she had a stomach ache. A couple of days later, she spoke with her mom again, this time reporting that she was struggling. She told her mom that she wasn't feeling as good as she thought she would being off Seracil. She still wasn't feeling like herself. But despite everything, Lindsay was still making time for her children. On January 15th, the family went to Cape Codder Resort, where they spent the afternoon at the indoor water park. Video surveillance showed Lindsay and Cora going down a slide together. Once again, Lindsay appeared normal, playing with the kids, holding Callan, and

• 2:25:35Colin Brown?

  seemingly having a good time. In what ways did she seem to be doing better?

• 2:25:40Speaker 07

  Um, her mood seemed better, her, she was more active, and um, she was able to, she was able to partake in more things.

• 2:25:50Colin Brown?

  That day, Lindsay's mom Paula reached out again, asking if the kids enjoyed Cape Codder. Lindsay responded with this.

• 2:25:57Courtney Brown?

  It was fun. Cora and Dawson enjoyed. Callan didn't know what to think of it. Couldn't get any pics because it was too hectic trying to keep track of them and the water and stuff. And it was busy, but it was a good time.

• 2:26:09Colin Brown?

  Paula then asked her, how are you doing? And Lindsay responded with.

• 2:26:13Courtney Brown?

  A bit better. Waiting for the day I wake up feeling like me.

• 2:26:17Colin Brown?

  On January 16th, Patrick took Cora skiing with another dad and his son. Lindsay stayed home with Dawson and Callan. Throughout the day, she sent Patrick photos of what they were doing, and in turn, Patrick sent Lindsay a selfie of him and Cora on a ski slope. She also texted her mom a photo of Dawson and said, hanging with the boys.

• 2:26:36Courtney Brown?

  But according to Lindsay's lawsuit, she was still quietly struggling. The auditory hallucinations were getting worse, even though she didn't tell anyone. The lawsuit says she continued to hear, quote, "You should harm the children. You should kill yourself. You will never be the same. The only option is to die." But luckily that day, Lindsay had another telehealth appointment with Dr. Tufts. During the appointment, Lindsay said she felt like a zombie. It was very clear to Dr. Tufts that she had not improved at all.

• 2:27:06Speaker 06

  Um, her mood was still very low. Um, she was, she was still depressed. It was,

• 2:27:15Speaker 06

  she was able to get out of bed and take care of her basics, like hygiene and eating. Um, her, her concentration was fine, and she was doing what she needed to do to take care of her baby, um, though she subjectively felt like the bonding was forced with the baby.

• 2:27:34Courtney Brown?

  During this appointment, Dr. Tufts also decided that they would try another medication, Imetriptyline. It's an older antidepressant that helps with insomnia, pain, and headaches. But by this point, Lindsay had already been prescribed over a dozen medications, all within the last four months, and none of those medications were working for her. The only one that brought any sort of relief was the Ativan, and she was still concerned about being addicted to it. On January 18th, Lindsay Googled, ketamine for benzo withdrawal, the effect of ketamine on preventing postpartum depression, ketamine for suicidal ideation.

• 2:28:11Colin Brown?

  She also read two articles about ketamine therapy. One called, "Ketamine Saved My Life" on Psychology Today, and another called, "Low-Dose Ketamine in Postpartum Depression in Participants with Prenatal Depression" on clinicaltrials.gov. In the meantime, Lindsay continued working out at the Kingsbury Club throughout January 2023, perhaps hoping that if she kept pushing through, she might start to feel better. But clearly, it wasn't working. That week, her mom texted her again, asking how she was doing.

• 2:28:42Courtney Brown?

  I started Imetriptyline two days ago. Feel okay, just not great.

• 2:28:46Colin Brown?

  But Lindsay was doing worse than she cared to admit. Throughout her postpartum journey, she reported feeling numb. She said she couldn't feel fear anymore. These feelings, or lack thereof, made her feel like something was wrong with her. On the morning of January 19th, she started Googling postpartum psychosis, psychosis symptoms, and the word schizophrenia. In another text with her mom, she said.

• 2:29:09Courtney Brown?

  I'm feeling all right. Nothing new really yet, because it takes weeks to work. But I'm okay, sleeping decently, but the kids get up a lot.

• 2:29:17Colin Brown?

  On January 20th, Lindsay was still feeling numb, void of emotion. Her intrusive thoughts were dark, so much so that that night, she turned to Google and typed in.

• 2:29:28Courtney Brown?

  What is a psychopath? Can you treat a sociopath? On Seracil, feel like I can't have conversation. Wellbutrin, ketamine, intrusive thoughts, hallucinations, benzo withdraw.

• 2:29:40Colin Brown?

  Lindsay was desperate to make any sense of what was happening inside her mind. She also wrote in her personal journal. There were entries from October 13th, 2022, and January 18th, 2023, where Lindsay documented her feelings. She wrote about the anxiety, insomnia, and mom guilt she experienced. She said that she felt like she had PTSD from hearing Callan cry and not being able to do anything since they were sleep training. She also worried that Callan wasn't reaching his milestones, although she said that he was almost turning over his own. In her journal, she wrote, "I feel disconnected from my baby." Lindsay expressed anxiety about her marriage to Patrick, writing that there was a disconnect between them and she wanted to be closer to him. Apparently, the two

• 2:30:24Colin Brown?

  were no longer having sex. She also mentioned that she still hadn't gone back to work, and she had anxiety about spending the family money and not bringing in any of her own. She had an irrational fear about the health of her children, and she was beating herself up for not breastfeeding anymore, admitting that she believed that was the only thing keeping her children's immune system up. Overall, Lindsay's journal entries showed a woman who was struggling in nearly every aspect of her life, but wanting to be a good mother and wife.

• 2:30:52Courtney Brown?

  On January 21st, Lindsay's parents came down from Connecticut to spend the weekend with her, Patrick, and the kids. It's also around this time when Lindsay texted her friend Amy Bevins. Amy and Lindsay had been friends since they were little girls, and on this day, she updated Amy on how she was doing.

• 2:31:11Speaker 06

  She had shared that she was, had been taking a medication that, um, caused her to have some dark thoughts, but that she was going to, or had been weaning, like tapering off that medication and was trialing new ones, um, that would remove those side effects and be more helpful and therapeutic to what she did.

• 2:31:36Courtney Brown?

  On January 22nd, Patrick, Lindsay, Cora, and Dawson went to a family friend's house, while Lindsay's parents stayed home with Callan. Now Patrick Clancy had known Kyle Carney since college in 2009. Kyle was married to a woman named Sarah, and they had known Lindsay for roughly 12 years at this point. Their children had grown up together. The two families were always gathering at each other's houses or meeting up for dinner at the beach. Sarah Carney said that Lindsay was always a caring, social person, and someone she often sought advice from about her own children. Now on this day in particular, it was unseasonably warm and sunny, so the Carneys decided to invite the Clancys over to roast marshmallows around a fire. Patrick would later say that while the kids ran around

• 2:32:21Courtney Brown?

  playing, Lindsay was quiet, but she still interacted with everyone. Kyle Carney's wife, Sarah, said that she had no idea Lindsay was struggling, although she had noticed she had gotten thinner. I was talking to her about my children, my daughter's Alex.

• 2:32:36Speaker 07

  And then I, the conversation lulled and I asked her how she was doing. And what did she tell you? Good.

• 2:32:43Colin Brown?

  The Clancy's didn't stay long that afternoon. Lindsay wanted to get home to put the kids down for a nap. That weekend, Lindsay was happy to have her parents around. She and her mom even took a selfie together. But soon enough, it was time for them to head back to Connecticut. Shortly after they left, Lindsay's mom texted her and said, "Enjoyed seeing everyone this weekend. Nice to see you doing better." However, Paula would later say that she didn't actually think Lindsay was better. Her text was more of an encouragement.

• 2:33:10Speaker 06

  The text from me was meant to encourage her because I didn't think it did any good to discourage her. So the text was not necessarily what I actually observed that weekend, but it was meant to encourage her because I was encouraging her to do things with the kids to kind of try to get back to normal. So it's not necessarily a representation of exactly what I observed that weekend.

• 2:33:38Courtney Brown?

  On Monday, January 23rd, Lindsay had another appointment with Dr. Tufts. During the 17-minute session, Lindsay told her, quote, "I'm a little more anxious, especially in the mornings. My heart is racing. I have no motivation. I feel numb. I have to force myself to get up every day. I have to force myself to leave the house."

• 2:33:59Colin Brown?

  Dr. Tufts wrote down everything Lindsay said. She noted that Lindsay's mood was flat, that she was still anxious, and that her sleep and medication efficacy were poor. And finally, she wrote that her psychiatric condition was unchanged. But according to Dr. Tufts, Lindsay said she had no side effects from the amitriptyline. So Dr. Tufts increased the dosage from 10mg to 20mg to help with sleep.

• 2:34:24Speaker 06

  So she said she was doing all right, a little more anxious. And the anxiety was described as the feeling of her heart racing. She had a decreased appetite as well. She was on only 2mg of Valium at this point and feeling more anxious in the morning. Mood was the same, flat, anxious, no motivation, numb. She has to force herself to get out of bed and out of the house, but is able to do that. And she is sleeping okay. And did you ask her if she had suicidal ideation or homicidal ideation on the 23rd? Yes, I did. What was her response? No.

• 2:35:07Speaker 06

  And did you notice any symptoms or signs of psychosis that day? No.

• 2:35:12Courtney Brown?

  Later at trial, Dr. Donald Condie stated that Dr. Tufts' records were sparse, and there wasn't a lot of detail on what occurred during their sessions. And this session in particular was very important because unbeknownst to everyone, it was the last session Lindsay would ever have.

• 2:35:31Colin Brown?

  After the appointment with Dr. Tufts, Lindsay went on with her day, caring for Callan while Patrick worked downstairs in the basement. That afternoon, she drove to pick up Cora and Dawson from their preschool, Learning Sprouts. By this point, the preschool teachers knew Cora and Dawson well. Stephanie Williams was one of Cora's teachers, and this is how she described her.

• 2:35:52Speaker 06

  She was a sweet little girl who loved her little brothers. She loved to draw, play with babies, play princess. She liked Princess Sophia.

• 2:36:07Speaker 06

  She would pretend to be Princess Sophia and she was talked about. And I had actually bought a Princess Sophia puzzle for her.

• 2:36:15Colin Brown?

  Cora's preschool teacher said that she was always such a joy to be around. And January 23rd, 2023 was no different. Cora went to school as she always did. However, when it was time for Lindsay to pick her up, Cora's teachers told Lindsay that she hadn't been feeling well that day. Cora had gone to the restroom multiple times and her stomach hurt.

• 2:36:35Speaker 06

  Told her that Cora had napped and she had said she wasn't feeling well, that the other teachers had told me that she hadn't been feeling well and that she was still laying on her cot. And what did Lindsay say or do after you told her that? She came into the classroom and picked her up off the cot and said, "Oh, baby, come on, let's go get Dawson and we'll go home."

• 2:37:02Courtney Brown?

  Now Patrick later said that Cora's stomach issues were nothing new. He said she was shy when it came to going number two at preschool, so she would hold it. But there was also talk about Cora having a possible urinary tract infection, which would make more sense as to why she was using the bathroom a lot that day. In regard to that, Lindsay was convinced that something was wrong with Cora's kidneys. But either way, whether she was having stomach issues or a UTI, or both, Lindsay was worried. She even told the preschool teachers that she would be taking Cora to the doctor the following morning. As for Patrick, he said he hoped that after speaking with Cora's pediatrician, it would, quote, "bring Lindsay back to reality," end quote.

• 2:37:46Courtney Brown?

  But when the sun rose over Duxbury, Massachusetts, on the morning of January 24th, 2023, no one had any idea of the tragedies that lay ahead. And by the end of that day, the Clancy family and the town of Duxbury would never be the same.

• 2:38:03Colin Brown?

  You can listen to part two right now on our Patreon by clicking the link in the show notes. If not, we'll see you next week for part two of the Lindsay Clancy case.

• 2:38:15Colin Brown?

  Hey, everybody, it's Colin here. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Murder in America. I know Courtney worked incredibly hard behind the scenes with our team of writers and researchers to bring this story to you guys. And yes, this is a multi-part series, but there is so much information here and we wanted to be sure that we could tell the full story. If you want, you can listen to part two now on our Patreon. In addition to ad-free, early versions of every episode that you hear here on the show, please consider joining us and supporting the show over on our Patreon. On Patreon, you can get access to early, ad-free versions of every episode of the show in addition to an entire library of bonus episodes. Our last bonus episode was about the walk of death,

• 2:39:00Colin Brown?

  the first mass shooting in American history, which was a very compelling episode and an episode that was just as long as the episode that we released on the main feed that week. So if you've already listened to every episode of the show and you want more, please consider joining us there. Because also, if you've never been a member on Patreon, you can immediately get access to, like I said, that entire library of bonus episodes that will never be posted anywhere other than Patreon. Also, don't forget to leave us a five-star review wherever you listen to this podcast, whether it's Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever else those podcast reviews help us grow and we love hearing from you guys. And finally, if you want to see photos from every case that we cover on the show, don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Murder in America.

• 2:39:45Colin Brown?

  Anyways, y'all, thank you so much for joining us this week. We will be back next week with part two. And yeah, thanks for tuning in and I'll catch you on the next one.

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