BITESIZE | A Monk’s Guide To Finding Happiness, Cultivating Inner Peace & Slowing Down In A Fast-Paced World | Haemin Sunim #546

Today’s guest asks an important question: What if finding joy lies in life’s simple moments? Feel Better Live More Bitesize is my weekly podcast for your mind, body, and heart. Each week I’ll be featuring inspirational stories and practical tips from some of my former guests. Today's clip is from episode 476 of the podcast with Buddhist monk and author Haemin Sunim. In our rush to achieve and reach our goals, we can often miss the beauty and richness of our current experiences. In this clip we discuss the importance of slowing down and being present, and, with that in mind, Haemin shares some practical tips for mindfulness that can help us reconnect with ourselves and the world around us. Thanks to our sponsor https://www.drinkag1.com/livemore Support the podcast and enjoy Ad-Free episodes. Try FREE for 7 days on Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/feelbetterlivemore For other podcast platforms go to https://fblm.supercast.com. Show notes and the full podcast are available at drchatterjee.com/476 DISCLAIMER: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Rangan Chatterjee?

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• 0:41Rangan Chatterjee?

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• 1:20Rangan Chatterjee?

  See all details at drinkag1.com/livemore. Welcome to Feel Better, Live More Bite Size, your weekly dose of positivity and optimism to get you ready for the weekend. Today's clip is from episode 476 of the podcast with Buddhist monk and author, Hayman Sunin. In our rush to achieve and reach our goals, we can often miss the beauty and richness of our current experiences. And in this clip, we discuss the importance of slowing down and being present. And with that in mind, Hayman shares some practical tips for mindfulness that can help

• 2:04Rangan Chatterjee?

  us reconnect with ourselves and the world around us.

• 2:11Rangan Chatterjee?

  Talk to me about small but certain happiness. I think it's a very simple concept that I think everyone's going to resonate with.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  I think oftentimes, people imagine that they will finally feel happy and I can, I'll be able to relax only when I achieve some monumental goals in my life, such as maybe marrying somebody, love of your life, or buying your first home, or getting promoted to the position that you really want. But while you are getting there, you also have to live your life. And it usually takes a long time to arrive at your goal. So I think it's important we look for what I would call small but certain happiness.

• 3:05Speaker 01

  This is not my idea. This is an idea that many people propose. But I think it is so important to look for something that's going to for sure make you happy. And then do it again and again and again.

• 3:23Rangan Chatterjee?

  Just speaking to what you just said now, it's just so simple. You say this, "For some, the fragrant smell of freshly made morning coffee is a time of peace and happiness. While for others, it could be the warmth of the sun on their face, the sight of spring flowers, the feel of a cozy blanket on a chilly day, or simply spending time with their dog or cat after work." Now, here's the thing, Heyman. A lot of people listening are experiencing those things every day. But many won't have put the spotlight of gratitude onto them.

• 4:01Rangan Chatterjee?

  So...

• 4:03Rangan Chatterjee?

  Let's say someone has got half an hour to get up and get ready for work and get the kids, you know, off to school or whatever it might be. They might make their morning coffee, rush and slurp it down whilst also getting things ready for work, right? So they've still had the experience of drinking freshly made morning coffee, but the intention behind it is very different.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Right, right. So it takes only 10 seconds. That is, wait, I'm just going to actually enjoy the smell of freshly made coffee, you know, this intention. And then you pause a little bit and then you re-engage with the experience. And from that moment, you say, wow, this is happiness, you know? Rather than searching for some, you know, big things in your life, big success to be happy, maybe this is what I was after, you know?

• 5:04Rangan Chatterjee?

  Yeah. I like the idea that it only takes 10 seconds. Even 5 seconds. Sure, you're in a rush in the morning, just take a simple pause, 30 seconds, smell the coffee, quite literally, let it tickle your senses.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Right.

• 5:18Rangan Chatterjee?

  You know, just that act, you're just starting to open up the door to appreciation, aren't you?

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Right.

• 5:25Rangan Chatterjee?

  Again, one of the reasons I feel, generally speaking, so calm and content these days, and dare I say it, happy, is because I believe that, and you write about this idea in your book, that where you put your focus, that's what starts to grow.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Absolutely, yes. So I think we have to make a decision. We have to decide to appreciate our lives. We have to decide to enjoy this moment. You know, once you decided that I'm going to enjoy this moment, it makes it much easier to appreciate things. Without that intention, it's hard, you know, the life just passed you, passed us by and without really, you know, becoming aware of what we are having it.

• 6:14Rangan Chatterjee?

  I love that. Let's just pause on that for a moment.

• 6:20Rangan Chatterjee?

  You're saying you have to decide that you are going to enjoy the moment that's about to be there in front of you, right? Now, I think many people believe that the moment will determine whether I feel enjoyment. If it is a fun and enjoyable moment, I will feel happy. If it is a negative moment, I will feel negative and sad. But you're saying something completely different, which is before the moment arises, you have to positively decide I'm going to enjoy it.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  Yes, because if you are just reacting, you are the victim, you will become the victim of the situations. And you are, you know, there are a lot of things that's happening to you and you'll be pulled, you know, towards many different directions. However, I think we have to be proactive rather than being reactive. So, once you decide, you know, how you're going to do or how you're going to feel, then oftentimes, that's the experience you're going to have.

• 7:28Rangan Chatterjee?

  Yeah. There's also this lovely concept of appreciation versus ownership that you write about. If you view happiness as a matter of appreciation rather than ownership, many things you can't own, such as the sunlight in your room, the laughter of children, a loving embrace, the colors of autumn foliage, a stunning sunset, the soothing sounds of music at night, the triumph of your favorite sports team, these things can bring happiness into your life. The important thing is whether you can slow down and appreciate life. I really like that. It's the same ideas that we've just been talking about, but it's a really beautiful concept.

• 8:11Rangan Chatterjee?

  Think about the things that you can't own. That's really nice. It's a really nice place to put your focus on, I think.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Yes, I think we need to shift our idea away from ownership to appreciations. You know, when it comes to happiness. There are lots and lots of things in our lives we cannot own, you know. Even if we own something, but in the grand scheme of things, we are just temporarily caretaking or guarding, you know. Whatever that is, it can be very expensive, you know, paintings or whatever. So at the end, it's a matter of appreciations. If you own wonderful things, if you are not appreciating, then what's the point?

• 9:01Rangan Chatterjee?

  Yeah. Do you think being happy is our true nature?

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Yes. People often think happiness means excitement, you know. When we are excited, then we feel happy. But if we want everlasting happiness, then excitement, you cannot sustain it for a long time. It fades, it disappears, you know. So what we really want is some quality of peace in happiness experience, happy experience. So our true nature, I believe, is in a state of peace. And when we are not trying to go somewhere or arrive at other places,

• 9:51Speaker 01

  and yet you are relaxed here and now, and you are content with what you already have, or you feel grateful for what you already have, then that's where the happiness arrives, you know, lives. Rather than constantly trying to go somewhere, you know, like what you said earlier. When I was younger, I thought that by going to abroad, that's where happiness will reside. Or by trying to have... Have some special kind of enlightenment experience, for me it was. Then I will finally be able to feel happiness. Then later I realized that the very seeking of those experience,

• 10:35Speaker 01

  you know, the very trying to go away from right now, right here. That was the cause of unhappiness.

• 10:42Rangan Chatterjee?

  Yeah.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, so.

• 10:45Rangan Chatterjee?

  Yeah, I love that. I also love what you said about the seeking of happiness is fundamentally flawed. And so if someone asked you, how do you know when you're happy? What answer would you give?

• 11:03Speaker 01

  I think gratitude, you know, is another name for happiness. As I was coming to see you, I was inside in a train and looking out beautiful countryside of the, you know, the United Kingdom. Oh, and I was thinking to myself, this is wonderful. You know, I get to have this, you know, beautiful experience. And I feel very grateful for the opportunity. And as I was tapping into the gratitude, I felt really happy. So when we are practicing gratitude, we are, you know, happy at where we are.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  We are not trying to grasp onto something that we don't, we don't have or resisting what we already have. Instead, we are just thankful for where we are. And I think that's where happiness resides. You know, you can just start with just, you know, a small thing in your life. And as you are counting your blessing, and you will see that more opportunities, you know, unexpected opportunities will come to you.

• 12:16Rangan Chatterjee?

  Yeah, it's a practice, isn't it? It's something you get better at the more you do.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  Right. Generally speaking, you know, when we think about things, we always think about negative things, problems that we have to deal with or. You know, the task that I have to finish. So thereby, we feel a lot of stress. However, you know, when we practice gratitude, rather than going into that thinking mind, we are actually looking for what is there to feel grateful for at this moment? Because we are practicing this gratitude.

• 12:53Rangan Chatterjee?

  Yeah. One of the other lines that resonated with me in your new book was this one. If you can control your ambition, you won't overextend yourself. If you do not overextend, you will not harm your health. If your health is good, your mind becomes balanced easily. If your mind is balanced, you will find happiness in little things. It's this beautiful loop where everything feeds each other. But that first bit, I think, is key. If you can control your ambition, you won't overextend yourself.

• 13:32Rangan Chatterjee?

  And often, burnout comes as a consequence of unchecked ambition.

• 13:39Rangan Chatterjee?

  How do you control your ambition?

• 13:42Speaker 01

  People tend to have this imagination that once I achieve such and such, then my, you know, life will have worth. I'll be worthy. But investigate where that feeling of lack, you know, feeling of insufficiency is coming from. You imagine that it is the outside achievements is going to make you feel that you are finally worthy. But maybe it is, you know, unloved and uncared past experience while growing up. Maybe that is like, you know, a little child within you.

• 14:24Speaker 01

  It is still asking you to pay attention to me more, you know? So rather than zeroing on just outside goals to make you feel like finally, maybe I am somebody, you know? You can't just go. Directly to the source, you know. What is the very force that keeps on making me uh work? I don't know, like, you know, eighty hours or one hundred hours a week, you know, uh while not spending any time at all with my family, you know, or close friends.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  So I think it's important to check your own ambitions and see people around you, you know? And if you are maintaining, you know, harmonious relationship with them.

• 15:15Rangan Chatterjee?

  Yeah.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  Because at the end, you want to be happy together. You know, you don't want to be just happy by yourself.

• 15:22Rangan Chatterjee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:26Rangan Chatterjee?

  When I was researching your own story,

• 15:33Rangan Chatterjee?

  one of the things that resonated with me the most was something that I also discovered early on in my career as a doctor, which was the power of listening. And you tell a story, I've heard you tell the story, that when you were a monk, suddenly people would come up to you and ask you all kinds of things afterwards that you didn't feel equipped to answer, but you learnt a powerful lesson, didn't you?

• 16:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 16:01Rangan Chatterjee?

  Could you share that? I think it's, I think it's so powerful and I think it's so applicable to all of us.

• 16:09Speaker 01

  I think most people, they just want to be heard. And they want somebody to dare to witness, you know, what's happening in their lives. And especially if the person is listening with a sense of empathy, then you will feel a lot better afterwards. You know, you've, you realize that you are not alone, you know, going through this very challenging uh experience in your life. And also, people already know the answer to their problem. It's just that in their head, it's disorganized and you are not actually asking the right questions. And therefore, you think you don't know the answers.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  But as you are listening to what they have to say, as you are untangle your, what's happened, and you're beginning to really see the answer that you've been seeking was right in front of you.

• 17:06Rangan Chatterjee?

  Yeah.

• 17:09Rangan Chatterjee?

  I think that's one of the most powerful realizations I've had in my own career. And I mean, I won't tell the story again, because I've told it before on this podcast.

• 17:19Rangan Chatterjee?

  But in my very first week as a GP, I learnt that lesson. When I didn't really know exactly what to do with a patient, so I just listened attentively and would see the patient back every week.

• 17:34Rangan Chatterjee?

  And she got better.

• 17:37Rangan Chatterjee?

  Because as you said, she knew the answers. But what she didn't have in her life was someone who she could talk to and open up to, and they weren't going to judge her. And I think you said also, you've mentioned it, you wrote about it in the book, how sometimes that's the role a therapist will play.

• 18:00Rangan Chatterjee?

  Where people can actually speak, get in touch with their emotions, express them without fear of judgment or being cut off. And you often find those answers yourself. I think it also speaks to this idea. One of the central ideas in your work in Buddhist philosophy that all the answers are within, the happiness is already there, we're not looking for it outside, we just need to get out of its way.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  And relax into it.

• 18:28Rangan Chatterjee?

  And relax into it. But of course, that's difficult for people when they're feeling rushed all the time and stressed all the time. And you know, you literally see the world differently when you're rushing. You covered that in one of your previous books, didn't you?

• 18:40Speaker 01

  Right, you know, people love the title, you know, "Things you can see only when you slow down", you know?

• 18:46Rangan Chatterjee?

  Great title.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think we need to just periodically pause and see if you can slow down.

• 18:55Speaker 01

  And when we are slowing down, then we can actually see and appreciate our life that is quickly passing in front of us.

• 19:07Rangan Chatterjee?

  Yeah.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:08Rangan Chatterjee?

  That's what I think a lot of these practices do, a gratitude practice, or just taking 10, 15 seconds to smell that fresh tea or that fresh coffee and let the aroma go into you and surround you. I think one of the things it does, if you're leading a busy life, is number one, it forces you to slow down, but number two, it reminds you What the feeling of slow feels like.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Mm hmm. Yeah.

• 19:39Rangan Chatterjee?

  You had the great fortune of spending some time with the great Tiknattan. Could you share some of the key things you learnt from him with us?

• 19:51Speaker 01

  I loved his walking meditations, you know. He said, walk as though your feet are kissing the earth. To me, that teaching was such a powerful, you know, one. And because we often just think about, I get to, I have to arrive at a certain place and without paying attention to actual process of walking itself. And instead, can you just say, I'm going to enjoy my walking. You know, I'm going to kiss the earth as I am taking my step. I think that's a really wonderful way to start our day.

• 20:30Rangan Chatterjee?

  Very mindful, very present, very evocative thought, kissing the earth as you walk. Hope you enjoyed that bite sized clip. Do spread the love by sharing this episode with your friends and family. And if you want more, why not go back and listen to the original full conversation with my guest? If you enjoyed this episode, I think you will really enjoy my bite sized Friday email. It's called the Friday Five. And each week I share things that I do not share on social media. It contains five short doses of positivity, articles of books that I'm reading, quotes that I'm thinking about, exciting research I've come across and so much more. I really think you're going to love it.

• 21:12Rangan Chatterjee?

  The goal is for it to be a small, yet powerful dose of feel good to get you ready for the weekend. You can sign up for it free of charge at drchattity.com forward slash Friday Five. I hope you have a wonderful weekend. Make sure you have pressed subscribe and I'll be back next week with my long form conversation on Wednesday and the latest episode of Bite Science next Friday.