I’ve Been in a Secret Work Affair for 9 Years

On today’s episode, we hear about: A man confessing to a long-term affair A father struggling to support his wife’s parenting style A woman trying to balance paying off debt and her mental health Next Steps: 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation 🤘🏼 The Dr. John Delony Show Merch Connect With Our Sponsors: Get 10% off your first month of BetterHelp. Get up to 40% off with code DELONY at Cozy Earth. Get 20% off when you join DeleteMe. Visit Hallow for a 90-day free trial. Visit Helix Sleep for special offers! Explore Poncho Outdoors! Get 25% off your order at Thorne. Explore More From Ramsey Network: 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 🪑 Front Row Seat with Ken Coleman 📈 EntreLeadership Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  Been married for more than 20 years, but got involved at work with somebody. I'm kind of her supervisor and she basically told me, without telling me, that she was interested.

• 0:15Dr. John Delony?

  So one of your employees said, "Hey, it makes me feel uncomfortable when you come by." And you were like, "You know what? We should probably sleep together."

• 0:21Speaker 00

  I should have replaced her, yep, but I didn't.

• 0:29Dr. John Delony?

  What's going on? What's going on? This is John with the Dr. John Deloney Show, filming here in Nashville, Tennessee. Real people, not the robots. Real people taking real calls from people going through real challenges in the real world.

• 0:45Dr. John Delony?

  I guess I'm just gonna start saying that all the time. So only pushback for the robots is there is still a real world out here and it's tough. It's tough. So pull up a seat and we're gonna figure out the next right move. If you want to be on the show, go to johndeloney.com/ask, A-S-K. Let's go out to Indianapolis. I was just there yesterday. And let's talk to Alan. What's up, Alan?

• 1:09Speaker 00

  Hey, Dr. John.

• 1:11Dr. John Delony?

  What's up, brother?

• 1:13Speaker 00

  Oh, hey. Great to talk to you. Been listening to your show for maybe close to a year now.

• 1:19Dr. John Delony?

  Very cool, man. Thanks for calling. What's up?

• 1:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, judging by past calls, got a lot of emotions around my problem. Been married for more than 20 years.

• 1:36Speaker 00

  We've experienced normal marriage problems like most people, but got involved at work with somebody, a coworker, and have had a very difficult time dealing with those emotions, making probably negative emotional decisions. And that's drawn me away from being the best husband and father, and I don't like it.

• 2:06Dr. John Delony?

  Tell me about the involvement. How long you been, are you having an affair? Are you just, are you just, uh, you're just like the attention from somebody?

• 2:17Speaker 00

  Um, well, I'm.

• 2:21Dr. John Delony?

  Have you been sleeping with this person?

• 2:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:24Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, for how, how long?

• 2:25Speaker 00

  So it's, oh, it's, it started out, um, several years ago. Um, it's been, it's been like eight years now.

• 2:35Dr. John Delony?

  Eight? So the better part of a decade?

• 2:39Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:41Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so you've been in this, having this affair with this other person for almost as long as halfway, as, as long as like 50% of your marriage, you've had somebody else?

• 2:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, not quite, but yeah.

• 2:55Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, how can I help you?

• 2:57Speaker 00

  Um, so I've been talking to a therapist on the side, um, for about three months and I don't wanna go through divorce, never planned this, um.

• 3:12Dr. John Delony?

  Bro, hold on, this isn't a one night stand. This is an eight year long sexual and emotional affair.

• 3:20Dr. John Delony?

  You're talking about this like it just happened, like you're on a work trip and you had too many drinks and you just, and it happened?

• 3:29Dr. John Delony?

  Help me with this.

• 3:30Speaker 00

  Well, it definitely, it definitely happened. Um, so we were working together for a while and a couple of years before anything transpired, um, and she kinda like expressed to me, you know, we were actually, um, that the times when I came by the desk, like she couldn't, I couldn't do that. I couldn't come, you know, and I'm, I'm kind of her supervisor and, and when I'd come and look at stuff, she got physically changed, I guess, warm and flustered, maybe it's love, whatever the feeling is.

• 4:08Speaker 00

  And, um, she basically told me without telling me that she was interested. It's like, I can't handle it when you come by and, um.

• 4:17Dr. John Delony?

  So one of your employees eight years ago said, hey, it makes me feel uncomfortable when you come by?

• 4:24Speaker 00

  I should have replaced her. Yep.

• 4:25Dr. John Delony?

  And you were like, you know what? We should probably sleep together.

• 4:29Speaker 00

  No.

• 4:31Dr. John Delony?

  Or we should go out for coffee, or I have feelings for you too, or whatever happened.

• 4:36Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 4:37Dr. John Delony?

  All right, but you're, even the way you're telling that story, it's, it's like it happened like two weeks ago.

• 4:44Speaker 00

  Right.

• 4:44Dr. John Delony?

  So, so why are you still married?

• 4:48Speaker 00

  That's the question I've wrestled with. But so like, I've been unhappy. Um, and the, the, the, the, the large majority was probably just, um, the butting heads at home and what I felt was lack of respect at home and kind of like, when we had kids, they became the priority and, and I was thrown aside. Um, not entirely, but it had, it, the feelings were, um, lack of respect and, um, arguing with me about parenting in front of our kids. And so the kids start to argue with

• 5:27Speaker 00

  the parents and suddenly I look like a bad guy or the wrong guy and we were not on the same page. And we tried to counsel around the same time that, that that happened. Um, finding out your different value systems. Um, and we started counseling back then. Um,

• 5:52Speaker 00

  she's had suspected just because we work in a smaller office. So she kind of like said, I bet you want to, you look at her and wanna boom. And I'm like, no, never. I hadn't, that hadn't crossed my mind before. Um, until she said that and then.

• 6:10Dr. John Delony?

  Oh, you're gonna, you're gonna blame your wife for this too?

• 6:12Speaker 00

  No, no, no, no, I'm not trying, I'm just, I guess there's that, there's that potential in any situation. I'm not saying she's wrong for thinking that.

• 6:25Speaker 00

  But that's, I was shocked when she had said that, cause.

• 6:32Speaker 00

  That's not at all how I felt. I always guarded my thoughts. I always tried to submit those to Christ and have, you know, not, not have to deal with that.

• 6:46Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, okay.

• 6:46Speaker 00

  But I, but I, okay.

• 6:48Dr. John Delony?

  You, you, but you're there. You're here.

• 6:51Speaker 00

  We're there and it's.

• 6:53Dr. John Delony?

  Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I, I can't help but feel there's a disassociation from reality. Okay. I don't know a marriage, none, zero. I don't know a marriage that when kids start coming along, that there's not tension.

• 7:14Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:14Dr. John Delony?

  And that there is a need to figure out a new way to communicate, new values emerge that we didn't even know we had. This is a big deal to me. This is not a big deal to me. And there's, that's, that's, that's par and course for, marriage is par and course for having kids. And I applaud you all for going to therapy, for counseling, try to figure out a new way. So I'll take your word for it. That your wife just said, I don't care what you feel. I don't care what you think. I'm gonna treat you like crap. I'm gonna not care about you at all, which by the way, I don't believe, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna take your full word for that. I'm gonna treat you like crap, husband. I'm not gonna

• 7:59Dr. John Delony?

  care about you. I'm not gonna respect you. I'm not gonna love you. I'm just gonna care about these kids. And still, you chose to sleep with one of your employees for the better part of 10 years.

• 8:14Dr. John Delony?

  You have agency. You've always had agency. And so we're here now on this call. Tell me about how I can help you with the call. Are you wrestling with staying in your marriage? Are you wrestling with, like, what, what do you, how can I help you, man?

• 8:32Speaker 00

  Well, there's a lot, there's a lot of, naturally of potential shame. I don't wanna, I don't want to drag through a divorce and I, my kids are super important. It's super important for me to be there with them in the mornings, taking them to school and.

• 8:53Dr. John Delony?

  I know, but you should have, you should have been through that eight years ago, dude.

• 8:58Dr. John Delony?

  Here's the deal, you've burned your house down and you're trying to tell me like, "I want to still want to keep the upstairs, I want to keep the couches." All of that is gone now. It's over. The question is, how long are you going to live a life where you can't even look yourself in the mirror?

• 9:21Speaker 00

  Right.

• 9:22Dr. John Delony?

  Because I hear that on you dude, I hear it. I'm trying to be compassionate, I hear it.

• 9:29Speaker 00

  So, I've driven myself to this point and I'm, the heaviness is just overwhelming.

• 9:39Dr. John Delony?

  What got, why now? What got you here? Are you about to be found out? Are you, like, why here?

• 9:49Speaker 00

  No.

• 9:49Dr. John Delony?

  Why now? By the way, your wife knows, she 100% knows. You don't think so?

• 10:01Speaker 00

  I don't, seemingly not, but I mean, maybe she, that she does. I've heard you tell that to other people as well and I'm just trying to minimize destruction.

• 10:16Dr. John Delony?

  It's gone, it's already gone. It's gone, brother.

• 10:18Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 10:19Dr. John Delony?

  It's gone. It's gone. That's, that's the fantasy part of this. That you're in control of this. You're not.

• 10:26Speaker 00

  Right. I'm not.

• 10:27Dr. John Delony?

  It's gone. The only thing you can do now is the next right thing, which is, to for the first time in a long time, be a person of 100% integrity. What's the next right move?

• 10:45Speaker 00

  Stopping what I'm doing.

• 10:47Dr. John Delony?

  Okay. And by the way, that will come with multiple lines of consequences. It may end in the loss of your business, it may end in a lawsuit at work, it may end in loss of your marriage, it may end in all of it. And that won't make it not the right thing to do.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:18Dr. John Delony?

  I don't see a way where these planes land, and I know you've been trying to air traffic control them all, dude. They're gonna crash, I'm telling you, man. They've just been doing this too long.

• 11:26Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:29Speaker 00

  That's what I feel. I, I, I-

• 11:31Dr. John Delony?

  Aren't you tired?

• 11:32Speaker 00

  I know that ultimate, and-

• 11:33Dr. John Delony?

  Aren't you tired?

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 11:38Speaker 00

  It was amazing and exciting as it's happening, and then you just realize...

• 11:48Speaker 00

  what you just said, it's, it's gonna crash. And I...

• 11:53Speaker 00

  not, I'm not trying to be a bad person, and...

• 12:03Speaker 00

  if things don't change, I guess, and, and...

• 12:08Speaker 00

  I, I, I... number one, I'm okay with ending it and, and, and moving on, and, but then what about my marriage? Am I, is it, is it too long gone? Do people recover from this kind of things?

• 12:20Dr. John Delony?

  Listen, brother, I'll say it one more time. The marriage you have is over.

• 12:26Dr. John Delony?

  The best shot you have, if you want to keep that charade going, is to exhale

• 12:34Dr. John Delony?

  and to put everything on the table,

• 12:38Dr. John Delony?

  and maybe your wife will choose to rebuild something new with you.

• 12:44Dr. John Delony?

  But your marriage hasn't been what you projected to the world for 10 years.

• 12:52Dr. John Delony?

  And by the way, it started falling apart before you started sleeping with one of your employees.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  Right.

• 13:00Dr. John Delony?

  Right?

• 13:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:06Dr. John Delony?

  Who is this? Tell me about this woman who's gone eight years being the other woman. Is she content in that role? Has she been asking you to leave your wife for years? Like, even that arrangement is strange.

• 13:24Speaker 00

  She's, she's married too, and unhappy. And so, talking about those things is what led to this and, and of course.

• 13:39Dr. John Delony?

  So there's two families that are gonna be blown up over this.

• 13:45Speaker 00

  Right, and that's, that's what I've been telling her and trying to basically get out without hurting, you, you can't get out without hurting people. But she, why hasn't she, my therapist has said the same thing. Why, why hasn't she left her marriage? Because she's, for whatever reason, either just waiting on you or, or she's not serious. Like, she's not seriously in love. It's not love, it's something else.

• 14:20Dr. John Delony?

  Trying to get in her head and decide why she's doing what she's doing is a waste of your time and energy.

• 14:29Dr. John Delony?

  Building a life with somebody who also lacks that much integrity is a fool's errand.

• 14:43Dr. John Delony?

  It feels to me like the right thing to do is not for you to go fire somebody, but for you to leave. And you to say, "I'm starting over." Because I've burned this whole thing to the ground. How are any of your other employees gonna trust you? How are your customers gonna trust you?

• 15:06Dr. John Delony?

  If you can keep an ongoing deception for eight years from the person you said till death do us part, no customers can trust. You know what I'm saying?

• 15:16Dr. John Delony?

  I don't know, I don't, I don't get that you get the depth of the mess you're in. Or maybe you do, and it's just saying it out loud is so scary.

• 15:30Speaker 00

  Totally.

• 15:36Dr. John Delony?

  So what does it look like? What's your next move?

• 15:45Speaker 00

  I don't, that's, I don't know. I'm, that's why I'm calling.

• 15:48Dr. John Delony?

  What's your counselor been telling you? What, what, have you been seeing a counselor for depression or anxiety? Have you been seeing a counselor for?

• 15:54Speaker 00

  Nope.

• 15:54Dr. John Delony?

  What to do?

• 15:56Speaker 00

  Yep. He, he said, as quickly as I can end it to, to do it if it's next Monday, you know? That's.

• 16:05Dr. John Delony?

  And that's, you've been seeing this person for multiple months, you said?

• 16:09Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:11Dr. John Delony?

  So why? You, you haven't taken that professional's advice that you're paying? Where are you gonna take mine? I'm just some yahoo on the internets, man.

• 16:22Dr. John Delony?

  Like, I think you need to have a conversation with your wife today.

• 16:28Dr. John Delony?

  And at some point, you have to, I don't think you fire that person or you separate from that person. I think you leave your job and then get a close-up shop. I don't know, I don't know what your profession is and if you're a boss or if you're just a mid-level manager. I don't know the arrangement, what you got.

• 16:43Dr. John Delony?

  But I think the integrous thing is for you to leave.

• 16:47Dr. John Delony?

  You've been in a power position over this employee for eight years. That's not gonna read well in the deposition, my brother.

• 16:55Dr. John Delony?

  Not to mention

• 17:00Dr. John Delony?

  her feeling a, like, man, I don't, what am I supposed to do? Lose my job too?

• 17:07Speaker 00

  Right.

• 17:12Dr. John Delony?

  Forget the legal side of it, just like when your boss says, hey, you wanna come over? Like,

• 17:20Dr. John Delony?

  are you gonna meet at a hotel or whatever? Those text messages in black and white don't read well, man.

• 17:29Dr. John Delony?

  I, I, I, you go with what your therapist said? He's been working with you for months now? I think the first conversation begins with your wife.

• 17:41Dr. John Delony?

  Or the first conversation begins with you submitting your resignation for wherever it is you work and you going home and telling your wife, here we go. Here's everything.

• 17:55Dr. John Delony?

  And she may get on the phone and call this other woman's husband. She may march down to, who knows? You can't control what happens next. And I think this illusion of control and you balancing all these spinning plates. It's made you have to detach from reality, from the amount of pain you're about to go through and more importantly, the amount of pain you've put so many other people through by your choices and your actions. And the other employees in this office, the customers that you serve, everybody.

• 18:25Dr. John Delony?

  But the only person you can control right now is you.

• 18:29Dr. John Delony?

  And doing the next right integrous thing. That's my call for you, brother.

• 18:37Dr. John Delony?

  And I won't give up on you. I'll be here if you want to call me back after it all goes down. I'll love to take that call and I'll sit here with you.

• 18:46Dr. John Delony?

  It's your move, man. It's your move. We come back, a man asks how to be supportive of his wife when they just can't agree.

• 18:58Dr. John Delony?

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• 20:05Dr. John Delony?

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• 20:38Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's go out to Charleston, West Virginia and talk to Chase. What up Chase?

• 20:44Speaker 02

  Hi, how you doing, Doc Don?

• 20:45Dr. John Delony?

  I'm good, brother. How are you, man?

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Oh, doing good, doing good.

• 20:49Dr. John Delony?

  What's up?

• 20:50Speaker 02

  Um, I appreciate you taking my call. Um, I was going, um, so my wife and I, we've been married for seven years now. Um, and we got three kids. We got five, three and one that's, he's not even one yet. Um, and in the last couple of years, um, the, um, kind of the way that we've looked at parenting has changed a little bit. And, um, you know, we were raised in, you know, kind of different households. Her household was split, mine was together, but, um, you know, I was kind of raised with a, uh, you know, more with a heavy hand and she, uh, you know, her, her parents really didn't, well, she wasn't a bad kid or anything like that, but, um, she didn't really get punished all that much.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  Um, and, um, so our oldest two boys have, we got, and all three of the kids are boys. Um, they have started to kind of pushing her in a level that, you know, they're, they're definitely pushing their boundaries with her.

• 21:52Dr. John Delony?

  Hold on, they're five?

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Uh, five, three and so the three and the five year old.

• 21:58Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, so I want to change your language right out of the gate. Okay. To make sure we're on the same page.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:03Dr. John Delony?

  Five and three year olds don't, unless they have like psychiatric disorders. Five and three year old boys are usually just fully five and three year old boys. Okay.

• 22:19Speaker 02

  What do you, when you mean, when you say fully?

• 22:22Dr. John Delony?

  I mean, when you say these boys have just started pushing her buttons?

• 22:27Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 22:28Dr. John Delony?

  As though they're in the wrong. Five and three year olds are just five and three year olds.

• 22:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:33Dr. John Delony?

  And it's the adults' jobs to not allow five and three year olds to push their buttons. You get what I'm saying?

• 22:41Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I hear you.

• 22:42Dr. John Delony?

  And that's got a lot of, that's got a lot of implications. And I know it's a heavy statement I'm making, but I never want to blame a five and a three year old for being five and three.

• 22:50Speaker 02

  Well, and that kind of comes to the crux of the issue.

• 22:52Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 22:53Speaker 02

  Um, like I said, I, I was raised with a heavy hand and always, you know, was kind of worried that I'd be, um.

• 23:00Dr. John Delony?

  Did you get hit a lot?

• 23:02Speaker 02

  I, I, and I don't want to talk bad about my parents. It wasn't hit, but it was, you know, southern kind of, you know, grab the switch and, you know, pull down your britches.

• 23:11Dr. John Delony?

  And hit you?

• 23:11Speaker 02

  Yeah. It, well, yeah, but.

• 23:13Dr. John Delony?

  Pull your bare butt out and embarrass you?

• 23:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:16Dr. John Delony?

  Yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  But, um, you know, it wasn't anything that I would consider, it wouldn't abuse by any means. Um, but, uh.

• 23:22Dr. John Delony?

  I'll let that one go. Okay, keep going, keep going.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  Um, and, um, there was a, um, you know, I, I, I was trying to really be careful whenever I was, you know, becoming a dad, making sure I wouldn't, you know, whooping on my boys and giving them any kind of issues or nothing. Um, and, you know, my wife and I, we kind of do all the same things and, you know, now she's, you know, cause she's at home with all three of them, which the five, the five year old's going to school now, so it ain't as bad. Um.

• 23:50Dr. John Delony?

  Get, get right to your question for me. What, what, what are y'all struggling with?

• 23:54Speaker 02

  So, um, she's punishing the boys in ways and manners I would, I don't necessarily agree with.

• 24:00Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Um, and, um, she doesn't want to listen to anything I have to say because she's the one that's at home with them.

• 24:07Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 24:07Speaker 02

  Um, but I also, she's at kind of a real vulnerable state right now. So I don't want to, you know, I want to encourage her and be supportive of her. But I don't know how to do that, you know, without, you know, crushing her spirit and telling her, you know, you ain't doing it right.

• 24:22Dr. John Delony?

  Gotcha. Awesome.

• 24:24Speaker 02

  Cause I, cause I mean, I'm, it's my first, but I just take my third time, but I don't know what I'm doing either.

• 24:29Dr. John Delony?

  Right. None of us do, man. None of us do. Hey, can I just, can I tell you, I appreciate the call?

• 24:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:34Dr. John Delony?

  And I appreciate you seeing your wife struggling and wanting to love her best you can.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 24:38Dr. John Delony?

  And at the same time, I appreciate you being a dad who wants to protect his kids.

• 24:45Dr. John Delony?

  And love and honor his kids in a different way than you were treated. Okay, I think all of that is noble and proud of you. Okay. That tells me you're a good daddy and a good husband. Okay, good on you.

• 25:00Dr. John Delony?

  There's a couple of hard truths here, but I'll just jump right directly into the middle of them. Okay. All right. Hard truth. Number one is.

• 25:11Dr. John Delony?

  Your wife has to have a circle of women in her life, of people in her life. That is not five and three and one.

• 25:24Dr. John Delony?

  And that affirms her and that listens to her and communicates with her and gives her a full picture of a full life.

• 25:34Dr. John Delony?

  The picture you're painting me right now is an exhausted, fried,

• 25:40Dr. John Delony?

  stuck at home woman who's dealing with both postpartum and a five year old and a three year old and the who am I and I want to be a mom and I want to be a stay at home mom and my family broke up, so my family's not going to break up. And it just that that comes out as people snap.

• 25:57Dr. John Delony?

  That's when adults find themselves yelling at five year olds and three year olds. Right. Or banging the walls or hitting kids or what I can you feel this thing coming out of you. Oh, yeah. Right. Am I on to something? Oh, yeah. Okay. Hit nail on the head. So.

• 26:14Dr. John Delony?

  You can create space for her to do that. She's going to have to choose that. Yeah. How do you create space? It begins very small with. How can I love you today? I don't know. Why don't you? No, no, no, no, no.

• 26:34Dr. John Delony?

  How can I love you today? And this is you, Chase, coming home from a full, full, full, tiring, exhausting day of work. And still walking in the door and being plugged in as you can and collapsing on the bed. This won't be forever. This will be for a couple of years. It's the season. It's winter. You got to wear a coat right now. Yep. Right?

• 26:57Dr. John Delony?

  And that looks like, how can I love you? That looks like calling your mom, or a friend, or a neighbor to come over a couple of times a week.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:06Dr. John Delony?

  It also looks like saying,

• 27:10Dr. John Delony?

  "We're not gonna treat the boys like this." "You're not here, you ca-" I'm just putting my foot down, we're not gonna, we're not gonna beat up on these kids. Period.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:21Dr. John Delony?

  And so it's both and.

• 27:25Dr. John Delony?

  If you don't protect your kids, and I'm intentionally not asking you specific questions, okay, I want you to hear that. If you don't protect your kids from whoever, it's wrong.

• 27:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:39Dr. John Delony?

  And there is a way you can protect your kids and honor your exhausted, fried, completely spun out wife, lonely wife too, at the same time. But she's gonna have to, A, opt into some changes and be a part of it.

• 27:55Dr. John Delony?

  And you can't make her do that, but you can protect those kids.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:00Dr. John Delony?

  And I know this is uncomfortable, fair?

• 28:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is, but you know, I'm, you know, I want to, I want to do right by all of them, you know? I don't, I don't want it to, putting a blame on, you know, one person or another, it's a, you know.

• 28:14Dr. John Delony?

  If somebody's hurting kids, there's blame to, there's blame to be put.

• 28:17Speaker 02

  Well, and when I say hurting, I, I don't mean nothing like abusive or nothing like that.

• 28:21Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, okay.

• 28:22Speaker 02

  I mean, and I don't, I don't mean to insinuate that by any means.

• 28:24Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 28:25Speaker 02

  Um.

• 28:25Dr. John Delony?

  So have you, have you, have you tried this? Have you tried this?

• 28:28Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:28Dr. John Delony?

  You calling around and getting a babysitter, even if y'all can't afford it, you figure it out? Just figure it out. And y'all go away for a two or three hour long, long breakfast? At a local diner?

• 28:41Speaker 02

  The other, I mean, it's a small thing, but it's, she doesn't really feel comfortable leaving the kids with, with nobody. So, that's where it's like, it kinda limits my options on what I can do to kinda, you know, it's either, you know, I can, I'll watch them and, you know, cause I'll do it like once, once a week and, you know, she'll kinda get out and.

• 29:00Dr. John Delony?

  But, but, but that, that to me is a, is a flag in and of itself.

• 29:06Dr. John Delony?

  That she is so closely identified. That she is so closely identified her well-being. It it becomes it it becomes codependent.

• 29:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:17Dr. John Delony?

  I need my kids to be okay. I need to my I need to be the have Hawkeye's on these kids so that I can be okay. Which in a weird way means she's using those kids for her own well-being. And kids can't carry that weight.

• 29:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:35Dr. John Delony?

  And so that becomes a hard conversation to say. I know that you love our kids and I know that you struggle with the anxiousness of letting somebody else watch them. And there will not be peace in this house if you can't disengage. And so we're gonna practice and sometimes that's hiring somebody to come over or mom or grandpa or somebody to come over. For 10 minutes and go for a walk and then come back and the next week it's 15 minutes and the next week it's. We're gonna go get breakfast and then come right back. It becomes a practice.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:07Dr. John Delony?

  But if somebody can't disengage with three little ones and yet the lack of disengagement from those three little ones is making them insane. Somebody who loves her has to get in the middle of that and say, hey, look. Will she go see a counselor with you?

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so. We had we had done it. Um, but I I think she would.

• 30:27Dr. John Delony?

  Okay.

• 30:27Speaker 02

  But again, it'd kind of be the same thing as we'd have to have someone watch the kids.

• 30:32Dr. John Delony?

  Great.

• 30:33Speaker 02

  You know, but I I may have just kind of tell her, you know, that kind of be nice about it, but.

• 30:39Dr. John Delony?

  Here's the way I would say it. I love you. Have I ever lied to you? Hopefully the answer is no. I have booked us an appointment with a local counselor and I have made arrangements. And I know you don't want to go. And I'm asking you to come with me.

• 30:57Dr. John Delony?

  I'm not okay, and I want you to be okay, and I want us to be okay. If you go to her and say, "You're acting crazy, you're not right, and so I made us an appointment," she's not gonna go.

• 31:11Dr. John Delony?

  But just maybe if you say, "I need to go see somebody so that I can better love you, and I can be a better dad for these three kids, but I can't do this by myself, will you come with me?" She may come with you.

• 31:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:26Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, but that means you get to babysitter. And you make the first counseling appointment. Or better yet, I'm gonna give you three months of my friends at BetterHelp for free, so y'all can do couples counseling online.

• 31:43Dr. John Delony?

  And you can put the kids in another room, and y'all can talk on the computer screen together, okay? I think it's, I think for you all, especially for her, she needs to be in the presence of somebody. I think that nervous system regulation will be helpful, but to get you started, I'll stay on the line here, and I'll get you hooked up with three months for free with my friends at BetterHelp.

• 32:04Dr. John Delony?

  But it's a both and thing, but constantly we're coming back to, "How can I love you today? How can I love you today?" Hang on the line, also, I'm gonna hook you up. Um, I started that Together app, which is an app designed to get you off of your phone, actually, and back into your marriage with a daily practice. We only have it for Apple so far, so it's not in the Android store yet, we're working on it. But, um, if you got, if you got an Apple phone, I'm gonna hook you up with it. We'll get your email address, and we'll get it sent over to you. It's a daily practice that you and your wife can do together. And both of you will have different assignments for that day, but it's designed to,

• 32:45Dr. John Delony?

  through daily practices, bring peace back into your marriage and back into your household, so that y'all can do the next right thing.

• 32:53Dr. John Delony?

  She's lucky to have you, man, but it's gonna take some investment, and you're gonna be tired. And it's gonna take some investment, and you don't sound like you're a guy that's scared of hard work, so we're gonna head right into the middle of this thing. You're gonna get the babysitter, you're going to make the counseling appointment, you're gonna tell her, "I love you, and I wanna be a better husband, I wanna be a better dad, I need some support, and we're gonna protect these kids." We're not screaming and yelling and scaring children.

• 33:22Dr. John Delony?

  All of that, and it's a tall order. Means you gotta learn some new skills and I'm proud of you for stepping into it. Thanks for the call, my brother. Call anytime. And hey, if she wants to call too, if y'all both want to call, I'd love to have you both on. Next up, a woman asks if she should prioritize money management or her mental health.

• 33:41Dr. John Delony?

  This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Alright, here's the truth. I have great friends, I've got a strong faith, and I have an amazing wife and a family. I'm also kind of a nerd, and I've got two PhDs worth of information about how to be well and whole, right? And yet, there have been critically important times in my life, several of these times over the years, that I've had to go spend time with a great therapist, and that time with a therapist has made all the difference for me and my emotional health, my mental health, and my relationships. The right therapist can change everything. And this month, my friends at BetterHelp are shining the spotlight on the therapists. These are the people who

• 34:21Dr. John Delony?

  truly make the world a better place. With over 30,000 therapists, BetterHelp is the largest online therapy provider on the planet. They've served over 5 million people globally, and they have over 1.7 million client reviews and an average rating of 4.9 out of 5. BetterHelp works. It's totally online, and it's easy to fit into your schedule. To get started, you just answer a few simple questions, and they're going to connect you with a licensed therapist who will fit you and your needs. If it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time for no extra cost. This month, we celebrate the therapists who have helped millions take a step forward. And if you're ready to find the right therapist

• 35:03Dr. John Delony?

  for you, BetterHelp can start you on that journey. Visit betterhelp.com/deloney to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash deloney.

• 35:17Dr. John Delony?

  All right, let's go out to Springfield, Missouri and talk to Charity. What's up Charity?

• 35:23Speaker 03

  Hi, Dr. John.

• 35:24Dr. John Delony?

  What's up?

• 35:26Speaker 03

  Honestly, I'm tired and I'm a bit overwhelmed, but I'm so grateful that I get to speak with you. You've been such an influence in my life the last eight months, so.

• 35:36Dr. John Delony?

  Thanks for calling. I appreciate your trust. What's up?

• 35:39Speaker 03

  So, obviously, I've been through a journey with my mental health. Um, thank you for being a random podcast that I saw on YouTube one day. Um, anyways, so, and so I've been really realizing that my mental health has really been uh, struggling these past few years, more so than, than, than ever. Um, so I really, and I'm the breadwinner in my family, and I really took a step back this year. Um, and I took a step back from work, and my job in and of itself is extremely stressful as well.

• 36:16Dr. John Delony?

  What's your job?

• 36:17Speaker 03

  Um, I'm a critical care RN.

• 36:20Dr. John Delony?

  There we go. Trauma nurse.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly. Yep.

• 36:24Dr. John Delony?

  What population? Everybody?

• 36:26Speaker 03

  Uh, everybody. I do neuro, neurotrauma, ICU, um, regular ICU, cardiovascular intensive care. I do it all.

• 36:37Dr. John Delony?

  So for people listening, when you're a critical care nurse, not only are you dealing with people that are on the precipice of dying, you're also dealing with sobbing children, screaming wives, devastated husbands, you're dealing with all of that all at the same time.

• 36:56Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 36:57Dr. John Delony?

  And that's an exhausting...

• 37:00Dr. John Delony?

  You're dealing with egos of doctors, you're dealing with other nurses that are dropping off, sobbing in closets and coming out and wiping their mascara or their, like, it's just a mess.

• 37:09Speaker 03

  Oh, yes. I've been one of those in that closet wiping mascara away many a time.

• 37:14Dr. John Delony?

  If I wore mascara, I would have been wiping mine off too. I've snuck off those closets. And I'm not even a day-to-day nurse, so. Phew.

• 37:22Speaker 03

  Mm, mm-hmm. Um, and then real recently, um, as I've kinda been on this journey, ironically, my husband started the journey and I thought in the beginning, I'm like, shh, psycho, babble, mumbo, jumbo, whatever, and he came to me and he, uh, he really, you know, he's pouring his heart out to me and he's really trying to better himself as well. Um, so we're both really struggling with, um, I've got past, uh, trauma and then also my stressful job and then just through your show and just through me finding, you know, that, that these things, my mental health is profoundly affecting my children as well. Um, you know, I've got three little ones and, uh, they need to be my priority.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  But with that step back, I, we have fallen behind on our bills, so much so. Um, we're behind on our mortgage again, um, and that, that is just, we're behind on our water bill and I know, you know, the four, four corners of your home, um, the four foundational walls and if we can't even make those things happen, um, what do I do? Do I prioritize me so I can be better and I can be here for my children? Um, and, or do I go, or do I, I push through and I hustle and I, and I get through? Cause I can't, I do have an opportunity to make more money at my job, um, you know, I, it is a specialty.

• 38:48Speaker 03

  Um, and you know, there's always sick people and hours and everything, so I do have an opportunity to pick up. Uh, but I just, the idea of me taking that time away from my kids who are semi in crisis right now, we just, ironically, after I, I got a phone call from your show that letting me know that I was gonna be on, um, we, uh, we were dealing with some hard truths that we found out about our thirteen year old daughter. Um, and, uh, anyways.

• 39:19Dr. John Delony?

  Are you able to share?

• 39:20Speaker 03

  Um, well, my daughter is struggling, struggling a little bit with some, uh, personal, she's, we found out she had been self harming. Yeah. Um, my, I'm not a terribly spiritual person, but one day I, she came home from school and I saw in her backpack, I just, when I say my ears were like ringing, like tinnitus, like really, really ringing. And I went to my husband and I said, man, I think something's wrong with our daughter. I said, man, something's going on. And he said, you know, we really should respect her privacy, like that was the big thing. Uh, you know, us respecting her privacy. She's a very capable young woman. Um, at least we, we, we, we felt so.

• 40:03Speaker 03

  Um, anyways, and, uh, long story short, uh, I, I went with my gut. My ears were ringing loud with warning bell, mama warning bells. So I sat down with my daughter. I pulled out the thing that I felt like she was hiding and we talked for, I think it was like an hour and long story short, I found in the notebook, there were notes from her friends stating, please don't, they were, I'm sorry. You're good. They were, um, notes, her friends begging them not, begging her not to kill herself, not to go.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  And I had no idea. Yeah. And so we went to, uh, um, and again, cause you're sure we got into crisis, we got into a crisis appointment the next morning. Good. Um, we went and saw our pediatrician, we got her on some medication and everything. Um, but how can I take time away from her when she's hurting? And that, and may I just backtalk and speak, say that that's what I'm talking about. Whenever we went to the crisis appointment, that we found out that my husband and I's behavior and our lack of rein in, or us, us being adults for a matter of fact, you know,

• 41:27Speaker 03

  um, letting our mental health run wild, um, it, and we just kind of felt like it didn't affect anybody but ourselves. Hmm. But it really, really affected my daughter. Yeah.

• 41:42Dr. John Delony?

  So do me a huge favor.

• 41:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 41:45Dr. John Delony?

  Take a deep as breath as you possibly can.

• 41:49Dr. John Delony?

  Hold it for a count of four, three, two, and blow it out with your mouth.

• 41:58Dr. John Delony?

  And then pull your shoulders all the way down. Okay?

• 42:00Speaker 03

  You know, I do this every time you tell somebody to put their shoulders down. I find my shoulders are up.

• 42:05Dr. John Delony?

  I know. I could hear it.

• 42:09Dr. John Delony?

  First and foremost, thank you for sharing that. Have you said that out loud about your daughter yet? Have you told anybody?

• 42:15Speaker 03

  Um, my husband and my therapist, my therapist.

• 42:20Dr. John Delony?

  Besides your therapist? You pay your therapist?

• 42:24Speaker 03

  My sisters. I do have my two sisters that I did let know.

• 42:28Dr. John Delony?

  So

• 42:31Dr. John Delony?

  this might sound bananas. I don't hear somebody

• 42:35Dr. John Delony?

  who's working too much.

• 42:37Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 42:38Dr. John Delony?

  And I don't hear somebody. I won't go through the whole litany. Here's what I hear. I hear somebody who's out of hope.

• 42:50Dr. John Delony?

  Because you do, you have a switch. You could flip and go get everything right financially. And my gut tells me, by the way, you just told the story that your husband will burn through it in two months.

• 43:06Speaker 03

  What do you mean by that?

• 43:10Dr. John Delony?

  It's easy to get yourself in a financial position when you have an on and off switch like you do professionally.

• 43:19Dr. John Delony?

  And I just picked him randomly. Maybe he's a wonderful, great guy.

• 43:23Speaker 03

  Oh, yes. He's the best person I know.

• 43:28Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, then I take back what I said.

• 43:30Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  I feel like the problem child in our marriage, to be honest.

• 43:35Dr. John Delony?

  Why? Tell me what makes you the problem child?

• 43:38Speaker 03

  I just feel he's very kind and he is very patient and he's very understanding.

• 43:45Dr. John Delony?

  Is he making enough money to help support the family?

• 43:49Speaker 03

  He does work a full-time, he does work a full-time job. Yes, he does.

• 43:56Speaker 03

  It's just he's Monday, he's Monday through Friday, um, you know, and, and I'm, I can work, I'm, I have that nice nurse scheduler, I work my full week in three days.

• 44:06Dr. John Delony?

  Sure.

• 44:07Speaker 03

  So I can pick up, I do have four other days off, but.

• 44:11Dr. John Delony?

  Well, you have four days to recover. So what about your, what is your total household income?

• 44:16Speaker 03

  My total household income?

• 44:18Dr. John Delony?

  Between his full-time job and you working three 12s or three 10s?

• 44:22Speaker 03

  So I make, I'm so sorry, um, we bring home about eighty-two hundred dollars a month total.

• 44:33Dr. John Delony?

  So his full-time job does not make very much money, does it?

• 44:37Speaker 03

  He makes about thirty hun- thirty-eight hundred dollars a month, take home pay.

• 44:45Dr. John Delony?

  And as a trauma nurse, you bring home five thousand bucks a month, sixty grand a year?

• 44:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, yes. And that is me working weekend, weekend option, which is an additional, something extra an hour.

• 45:01Dr. John Delony?

  So what's your house payment a month?

• 45:04Speaker 03

  It is, um, it's twenty-nine hundred dollars a month.

• 45:10Dr. John Delony?

  So that's right on the, right on the edge there.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:14Dr. John Delony?

  Do y'all have car payments? Were y'all struggling with this, like, how much money do you owe? If you put all your debts on a piece of paper?

• 45:21Speaker 03

  Well, without, without my house, without my house payment, we owe twenty-eight, twenty-four thousand dollars. And that's just, that's credit card, that's like eight thousand, it's almost ten thousand in credit card debt. And then all those odds and ends, braces, uh, just like loan repay, we took, we took, um, uh, what is that called? Uh, retirement loans, gotta repay those things. Oh my gosh, we gotta, we owe our Missouri and our federal income tax stuff. It's just crazy.

• 45:57Speaker 03

  But those payments are killing us. We didn't buy new cars, our cars are on our last leg. We, uh, we tried to do the Dave Ramsey thing, um, a while back, um, and we were able to pay off our vehicles and we never bought new ones, um, and we did pay off our cards, but we just, we just keep filling them back up.

• 46:27Dr. John Delony?

  Well, it sounds like you're in the middle of what I would call the American nightmare right now, which is there's this life that we want to have, and we both have two jobs. And they're not, they're not world beater jobs, but they're good jobs, they're good stable jobs.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:45Dr. John Delony?

  And yet, we just find ourselves slipping and slipping and slipping. And here's the cold, hard truth that nobody wants to talk about, okay? And we could talk about taxing billionaires, and we can talk about tax, we can do all that. That doesn't help the average person, because the average person's drowning, right?

• 47:01Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm, yes. I've made more money now than I ever have in my entire life. And we are broker than I ever was with a newborn on food stamps with one job.

• 47:15Dr. John Delony?

  So here's the, here's the reality. You can spend less money and/or you can make more.

• 47:24Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 47:26Dr. John Delony?

  The other option that people recoil at is you can get very strict with a budget.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 47:38Dr. John Delony?

  And say, for the first time, here is where every dollar is gonna go. And if it's not there, then we eat at home. And if it's not there, because when I say you're out of hope, and I thought it was your husband, I'm glad to know that he's putting, working his butt off, and I'm glad to know, you got three kids, you said, or two?

• 47:59Speaker 03

  I have three.

• 48:01Dr. John Delony?

  Three, okay. So you got a lot going on, and you got a chaotic job. And I'll get with your, your job here in a second. I'm glad to know it's not, you don't have somebody in the house dragging everybody down, the two adults, okay? But also, you walking around thinking that you're a burden to your family isn't true. It's just not honest. You're not a burden to your family.

• 48:30Dr. John Delony?

  Listen to me. I don't care what it feels like. It's incorrect.

• 48:35Dr. John Delony?

  Or at least go with me for right now that your feeling thermometer is off. It's not calibrated.

• 48:44Dr. John Delony?

  Is that fair?

• 48:45Speaker 03

  I can believe that for sure.

• 48:47Dr. John Delony?

  Your kids will not be better off without their mom in their life. Your patients and those families will not be better off without you. Your husband will not be better off without you. Okay?

• 48:58Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 48:58Dr. John Delony?

  It's not a factual statement.

• 49:03Dr. John Delony?

  But also,

• 49:05Dr. John Delony?

  if you're gonna go hit the switch and work really hard for six months and make an extra $2,000 a month, 12 grand, and get halfway to that debt paid off, and your husband's gonna come home and pick up some slack, some major slack after his job,

• 49:25Dr. John Delony?

  and you come home and you all just go out to eat that money away?

• 49:33Dr. John Delony?

  You're out of hope.

• 49:35Speaker 03

  Well, and I'm not entirely sure. It's not really that we eat. We are very good.

• 49:41Dr. John Delony?

  I made that up. I made that up.

• 49:42Speaker 03

  Okay. I was like, nah, just, I don't know why. Everything is just so, we are barely making ends meet. It's crazy.

• 49:50Dr. John Delony?

  Okay, but you bring home $96,000.

• 49:54Speaker 03

  I know. Where does it go?

• 49:56Dr. John Delony?

  Right. And because you can't answer that question, we can say, it's because of the eggs, it's because of the strawberries, or it's because of the... You don't know. You don't know.

• 50:06Speaker 03

  We're gonna count for every dollar.

• 50:07Dr. John Delony?

  Every single one. And it's gonna feel restrictive. Think of it this way. It's like if every football player who went out on the field got mad at the length of the field, or the length of a timeout, or that if everyone just wanted to play by different rules. That game would not be fun. It would be very unsafe, and everybody would get hurt, and people would quit playing.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm. Yeah.

• 50:33Dr. John Delony?

  What a budget does is it establishes the rules of the game so that then, within those rules, you could do whatever you want.

• 50:43Dr. John Delony?

  Do you get what I'm saying?

• 50:44Speaker 03

  Yes, yes. You're establishing boundaries. You know what your limitations are, what you have to work with.

• 50:50Dr. John Delony?

  But it also gives you an amazing amount of freedom.

• 50:55Dr. John Delony?

  It helps you traffic in reality. And when you say you're struggling with mental health, when you're struggling with emotional health, it's usually a detachment from reality. When your body is rooted in real life and your mind and your feelings and your relationships are rooted in other places, or unrooted, they're untethered.

• 51:14Dr. John Delony?

  Do you get what I'm saying?

• 51:15Speaker 03

  Yes. When I'm home, I find myself just pacing around. And I have an inability to do anything. It's just...

• 51:24Dr. John Delony?

  Spins and spins and spins. Yeah.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  Yes. Yep, that's exactly.

• 51:31Dr. John Delony?

  Have you ever sat down with a trauma counselor to talk about childhood stuff?

• 51:36Speaker 03

  I have, since starting your show. I did go establish care with a counselor, and she's not a trauma counselor, but remember, I went from a state of, "This is silly," to, "I guess I'll go see somebody." At where my husband goes to see his therapist. And she's been part of the reason I was so... I was so... In a moment of desperation, I emailed you as I asked my counselor this very question, like, "What do I do? Do I prioritize my mental health or my financial health?" And she looked at me and she said, "Girl, I don't know." And so that's when I sent you that email.

• 52:15Dr. John Delony?

  All right, so I want you to make a commitment to me.

• 52:18Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 52:20Dr. John Delony?

  To never binary your choices.

• 52:27Dr. John Delony?

  Okay?

• 52:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 52:30Dr. John Delony?

  Most anxious people I know, and by the way, your anxiety sounds both personal and professional.

• 52:40Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 52:41Dr. John Delony?

  Which then, we try to solve with chaos.

• 52:50Dr. John Delony?

  And then our children absorb that stuff and they can't carry the chaos. And it comes out in all kinds of different ways. It comes out in cutting, it comes out in using marijuana, it comes out in straight A's. It comes out all over the place with them trying to shoulder the weight of adult chaos.

• 53:09Dr. John Delony?

  And so, think of you telling your therapist, you don't have to re-up, you don't have to go back. It's a professional relationship, okay? But you looking there in Springfield and finding a trauma-informed therapist.

• 53:26Dr. John Delony?

  And say, "I'm ready

• 53:29Dr. John Delony?

  to deal with the hard stuff."

• 53:32Dr. John Delony?

  Okay?

• 53:34Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 53:34Dr. John Delony?

  And I'm telling you, this is, this will give peace to great-grandkids that you will never get to meet because you did this work.

• 53:46Dr. John Delony?

  It's been the highest honor of my week to get to talk to you, Charity. Thank you so, so much for your call, for your bravery, for your honesty. Hang on the line, I'm gonna send you a couple of things. First thing I'm gonna send you is I'm gonna send you EveryDollar, the premium app that will help you and your husband with your budgeting. Okay? And husband, if you listen to this call, forgive me. I came after you at the beginning of this call, I was wrong. Usually it's the husband or the one of the partners. It wasn't either of you guys, so accept my forgiveness there. I'm gonna send you EveryDollar app for a year, the premium version. It will link with your bank, it will link with each other. And I want you all to make an ironclad, till death do us part, budget. We're gonna know where EveryDollar is and we're gonna get to the bottom of how do we bring home $96,000, but we can't afford groceries.

• 54:31Dr. John Delony?

  We're gonna be honest about that. And then we're gonna be honest, I'm gonna send you Financial Peace University, the course, the actual nine lessons. It's a digital lessons, I want you to watch them as a family. All of y'all watch them, okay? And by the way, a balance between my mental health or my financial health, that stuff's too braided together. It's woven together. So, as y'all begin to work on your financial health, you begin to feel more confident, you feel, you begin to develop a plan and you'll have values that you share together over time. That helps your mental and emotional health, okay? It all works together. And sometimes you pause one for the other, etc. But, we're gonna work on that thing going together, okay? I'm also gonna send you two copies of my book, Building a Non-Anxious Life. I want you and your whole family to read that.

• 55:16Dr. John Delony?

  And we're going to shift our household focus to how do we create peace here?

• 55:22Dr. John Delony?

  And today, you're going to call. You're going to make that call to a trauma-informed therapist in town and you say, I'm ready. Some hard, hard stuff and the healing is going to begin.

• 55:36Dr. John Delony?

  I would say day one, but you're already way past that. You're on at charity. I'm proud of you. You call me anytime, anytime. High honor. We'll be right back.

• 55:46Dr. John Delony?

  All right, Kelly 2.0. Cool crap that happened. What's up?

• 55:50Speaker 04

  Yes, so this-

• 55:51Dr. John Delony?

  With Kelly 1.0 in the shadows.

• 55:53Speaker 04

  No pressure, right?

• 55:54Dr. John Delony?

  In the distant analog shadows.

• 55:57Speaker 04

  So this comes from CJ in Pittsburgh. He says, "This past weekend, I have the honor of marrying a friend and his wife. I took it upon myself to personalize the ceremony section. And during it, I challenged the couple to ask one another one simple question each day. How can I love you today? After the ceremony, I had multiple people of all ages ask where I came up with that question. And obviously, I gave you all the credit, John."

• 56:22Dr. John Delony?

  That would've been so awesome if he was like, "All me, dude. All me."

• 56:27Speaker 04

  "The great conversations that came from such a simple question were so amazing to be a part of. Thank you so much for inspiring so many couples of all ages to love each other."

• 56:36Dr. John Delony?

  That's awesome. And I'm not going to lie, when you first started reading this and he said, "I married a couple friend this weekend." I was like, "Well, here we go. Here's yet another call." But he officiated the wedding. That's good. That's good. That would've been par for the course for this show. Awesome. Hey, everybody. Keep loving each other. That's awesome. That's all I'm going to say. Love you guys. Bye.