Pretty Little Episode #47

Mae and Fortune talk about TV jingles that get stuck in your head, imagine life as inspiring journalists, and *transform* themselves on a funny and sweet Pretty Little Episode! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy.

• 1:20Mae Martin?

  So easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

• 1:48Mae Martin?

  Pretty little episode.

• 1:51Mae Martin?

  Hello. Welcome to a pretty little episode of the Handsome Pod. I'm Mae Martin. I'm joined by? Fortune Famester. We're feeling handsome today. Sancho, are you? Yeah. Yeah, me too, actually. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. I've got into kind of a toxic thing with my trainer Elliot who um cause he cracks my back and he's like the only person that can do it and so

• 2:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 2:19Mae Martin?

  I I'm always like eh can you crack my back and and it's I don't think he likes doing it. I think it freaks him out.

• 2:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I wouldn't. I don't think I would enjoy that either because I would be worried I was doing something hurtful to you.

• 2:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but you like your back cracks? Oh.

• 2:36Mae Martin?

  I really do. It's like I put my arms, my hands behind my head like this.

• 2:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 2:40Mae Martin?

  And then sort of pull my elbows forward and then they, the person has to be taller than me. So you re- you could do it.

• 2:46Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 2:46Mae Martin?

  I know you don't.

• 2:48Fortune Feimster?

  So you could. I would love this.

• 2:51Mae Martin?

  Um, and then they just kind of lift up and back and yeah, I wonder if it's doing damage.

• 2:56Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I don't go to like um chiropractors or get, I don't get like the, because you hear these, I I know a lot of people go and it's totally fun, but every now and then you hear a gnarly story of like something going awry.

• 3:09Mae Martin?

  I know. And it's like if there is that risk, why, I I mean, I went for like the first time really pretty recently and and um the guy felt like a kind of stereotype of a rude doctor kind of.

• 3:24Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really?

• 3:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, he didn't even look at me really. He was like.

• 3:26Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, come on now.

• 3:28Mae Martin?

  He was like, nothing's wrong with you. It's just postural. And I was like, but you haven't touched me yet.

• 3:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 3:33Mae Martin?

  I haven't told you what the problem is.

• 3:35Fortune Feimster?

  That's weird.

• 3:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:36Fortune Feimster?

  Are you a person that like cracks your knuckles and stuff?

• 3:40Mae Martin?

  I do crack my knuckles. I used to crack my neck, but I don't anymore. Does it really repulse you?

• 3:45Fortune Feimster?

  It does not repulse me. I I don't do it, but it it does not repulse me.

• 3:49Mae Martin?

  Okay, yeah.

• 3:50Fortune Feimster?

  I'm more of a like fidgeter. I'm always like kind of doing things with my fingers. I don't know how to like, some people call it stemming or whatever, but

• 3:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:00Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know what uh that is.

• 4:02Mae Martin?

  Did you ever get a fidget spinner when those were big?

• 4:04Fortune Feimster?

  Mm mm.

• 4:05Mae Martin?

  I never really got into it, but in the writers room, when we had the writers room, I I bought all kinds of weird little toys for people to keep them focused like.

• 4:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, my mom would be like, stop fidget, stop messing with your hands or fingers or whatever. Like, oh, okay. I didn't even know I was doing it.

• 4:21Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 4:22Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 4:23Mae Martin?

  When you act. Do you ever overthink your hands? Like.

• 4:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, sometimes you don't know what to do with them.

• 4:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah. The more you think about it, the more you don't know what to do with your hands. Yeah.

• 4:36Fortune Feimster?

  I'm always like, yeah, I'm always like, kind of putting them in pockets or on the side of my hips. Like, yeah, I'm not.

• 4:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:43Fortune Feimster?

  It's, it is a weird thing where, cause you're suddenly very conscious of your body when you're on screen.

• 4:49Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. Yeah. Someone goes, just walk across the room and you're like, how do you walk again? Like, yeah, and it feels so unnatural all of a sudden.

• 4:57Fortune Feimster?

  When do we know about your show as far as the, it's being completed? Do you know anything?

• 5:03Mae Martin?

  I don't know if I'm allowed to say like.

• 5:05Fortune Feimster?

  No, not like the premiere date or anything, but are you close to it being, um, delivered?

• 5:11Mae Martin?

  So close. And it's, um, yeah, maybe by the time this comes out. No, I think it'll be all delivered by July 16th.

• 5:19Fortune Feimster?

  Ooh.

• 5:20Mae Martin?

  Completely sound mixed, color graded, and then it comes out in, um, soon after that.

• 5:26Fortune Feimster?

  You've been seeing sneak peeks. What are you thinking?

• 5:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, I'm pumped. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really pumped and scared. It's, it's weird. It's really weird.

• 5:36Fortune Feimster?

  But like, has it come together in a way that, that you hoped?

• 5:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it has. It's different to what I imagined, of course, but it's, um, yeah, it's like a weird kind of parable or something.

• 5:48Fortune Feimster?

  Cause it's a thriller, right?

• 5:50Mae Martin?

  It's a thriller, but it's not like a procedural cop thriller. It's like, um, a weird little small town. All the characters are bizarre. Dark shit is happening. People are funny. Oh, well, I'm in it, so. Yeah.

• 6:08Fortune Feimster?

  It's all about the gay stuff.

• 6:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, there's lots of gay stuff with me and my wife and some of the teens and lots of, lots of straight stuff, too.

• 6:16Fortune Feimster?

  Straight stuff for the straight folks and gay stuff for the gay folks and, uh, everything in between.

• 6:22Mae Martin?

  There's toads in it for the toads, for the toad community.

• 6:25Fortune Feimster?

  Animal stuff?

• 6:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:26Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 6:27Mae Martin?

  I hope you like it. I'm pumped.

• 6:29Fortune Feimster?

  Bud, that's a huge accomplishment.

• 6:31Mae Martin?

  Thanks. I'll, I'll invite you guys, of course, to the premiere. I hope they have an LA one.

• 6:36Fortune Feimster?

  Please.

• 6:36Mae Martin?

  Be a Toronto one, but, yeah. And what about you? How are you feeling about, um, oh, I was gonna say about FUBAR being out in the world, but we're recording this before it's come out.

• 6:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I mean, it's, it's so fun to film something and you work so hard and long days and just to kind of finally have it come out to the world to see like why you disappeared for five months.

• 6:58Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 6:59Fortune Feimster?

  Is cool and to show people another side of yourself and what you can do. Not that I'm a huge departure in what I'm doing, but, um, you know, just me shooting a gun is fun and weird and running from explosions is pretty cool. I, I did not think someone like me would get that kind of opportunity. So it makes me feel good that I can just, you know, do, do something like that, that many people don't get the opportunity to do.

• 7:30Mae Martin?

  It's the childhood dream. It's like, I will never become jaded about it, I think.

• 7:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 7:35Mae Martin?

  It's too cool. Like, yeah, I was at a party the other day and then someone was, I mentioned the new Mission Impossible, which I didn't love.

• 7:43Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 7:44Mae Martin?

  I love Tom and I love Mission Impossible. And I was like, eh, but, but it's incredible still. Like the stunts are insane.

• 7:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 7:52Mae Martin?

  Insane. And this person was like, all those movies are trash. Like it's terrible. That's not entertainment. Like we're so, we're so dumb. And I was like, I, I wanted to say like, it takes so much work to make something and it, and those are objectively not terrible movies. Like the first,

• 8:11Fortune Feimster?

  Right.

• 8:11Mae Martin?

  The first three especially are incredible movies. Like,

• 8:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I get it if it's not your taste or your genre, but like,

• 8:19Fortune Feimster?

  Well, once, once you-

• 8:20Mae Martin?

  It has value.

• 8:21Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Once you've spent months and months on set for like seventeen hour days, it's hard to, you know, totally crap on a movie or a TV show. You can, you can see like where it went awry or whatever, but

• 8:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:36Fortune Feimster?

  You, you know how much work went into it from so many people that you just have to like appreciate it for what it is.

• 8:44Mae Martin?

  Totally.

• 8:45Fortune Feimster?

  And the business is in such a bad spot right now. So many people aren't working that anything that gets made truly at the moment is, uh, a, a big, a big deal.

• 8:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if we'll ever, if you, if you do another season of FUBAR, if we'll be in Toronto at the same time again. That'd be fun.

• 9:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's gonna happen with that show. Sometimes Netflix is a- A two and done kind of thing, sometimes three, we'll see.

• 9:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:12Fortune Feimster?

  Well, let's get to some questions.

• 9:15Mae Martin?

  Yes, please.

• 9:16Speaker 04

  Hi handsome, this is Melissa. This question is being submitted in response to May's request for more hypotheticals in honor of Fortune's early career as a journalist and to give Tig a chance to do her good deed for the day. No pressure. Hypothetical, if you were a successful career journalist at the largest circulation media outlet of all time and could therefore reach a vast audience with your human interest story of uplifting news and positivity, what story would you write?

• 9:44Fortune Feimster?

  Huh.

• 9:44Mae Martin?

  Oh, wow.

• 9:46Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, I think it could be anything, right? It could be like a personal story.

• 9:49Mae Martin?

  Right, okay.

• 9:51Fortune Feimster?

  Um.

• 9:52Mae Martin?

  Or a news story, or a historical story, or

• 9:55Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 9:56Mae Martin?

  Positive human interest. Hmm.

• 10:00Fortune Feimster?

  It sounds so like Pollyanna, but you know, something on looking at the glass half full and what that means. And, and having that as your lens to the world, I would not mind some kind of piece on that. I've, I've been thinking lately about that and how lucky I am, uh, even through some hard times that I've been dealing with. I naturally wake up seeing the glass half full.

• 10:30Mae Martin?

  Hmm.

• 10:31Fortune Feimster?

  Um, it is my, um, factory setting.

• 10:35Mae Martin?

  That's a superpower, yeah.

• 10:36Fortune Feimster?

  As a human, um, and I know that that is not the case for everybody, that sometimes just waking up and feeling good is such a struggle for so many people. So the fact that it is the, the factory setting for me, I'm so grateful for and, and how that influences my life and relationships and friendships and, I don't know, do something maybe on that of like

• 11:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and gratitude and like And helping people get there, because you're right, it's like easier said than done. And so like helping people tap into that, that's a good idea.

• 11:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 11:11Mae Martin?

  I would maybe, I just remember, I remember when I was in rehab and I was eighteen and there was a creative writing competition and there were only like ten of us in this rehab program and part of it was helping to get your GED, like doing some high school classes and stuff. And so I wrote like a short story and, and um, one of the teachers was really supportive and like entered it in a competition and it was like in the finals of this competition. But it was such a like beacon of light for me at that time, like I couldn't believe it. So I, I think I would maybe use my column to, you know, get a troubled teen in a rehab center

• 11:54Mae Martin?

  to write a short story or a poem, like use it as a little, a thing that like especially, yeah, teens.

• 12:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, for sure. I mean, they're the ones that need to hear those kind of things.

• 12:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:06Fortune Feimster?

  Especially if they're struggling.

• 12:07Mae Martin?

  Like I would, you could submit and then you'd, you'd publish like a, something written by a teen or even someone in, someone in prison who's interested in creative writing, who is like, yeah.

• 12:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I love that.

• 12:20Mae Martin?

  Should we hear the answer?

• 12:21Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm, from Melissa.

• 12:24Speaker 04

  I would write a story of all the very tiny acts of kindness I saw in a single day. Someone offering to carry groceries for an older person, a genuine smile from a cashier at McDonald's, a driver who intentionally slowed down to let someone in, the guy in front of me at Starbucks who paid for a random stranger's coffee, and the lady who lives down my street out walking her foster dogs. It would just be an aggregate of the tiniest stories of a day, but hopefully it would make people smile to read it.

• 12:54Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I love that. I like those acts of, small acts of kindness. If people did more of that, it would add up to big, big, big things.

• 13:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I like that a lot. And I like the use of the word aggregate, which I've never used. And I got a Google and I guess it means a combination of many things, but love that.

• 13:16Fortune Feimster?

  Very good.

• 13:22Mae Martin?

  Should we hear another one?

• 13:23Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:24Speaker 05

  Hey handsome pod, this is Leslie from Maine. And I'm curious, what jingle from a commercial from your childhood lives rent free in your brain?

• 13:35Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 13:37Fortune Feimster?

  I know this one, because we used to sing it all the time when I was in tennis.

• 13:43Mae Martin?

  Let's hear it.

• 13:44Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, my name is Coco and I swing from the tree. I live in the jungle, I'm a monkey you see. Whenever I get hungry, I do as I please, but I'd rather have a bowl of Coco Crispy's. Oh yeah. Coco, oh yeah. Crispy's, oh yeah. I haven't sang that since college, I can't believe it's still in my brain.

• 14:09Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 14:11Fortune Feimster?

  Did you ever hear that?

• 14:12Mae Martin?

  I've never heard that.

• 14:13Fortune Feimster?

  It's Coco Crispy's.

• 14:16Mae Martin?

  And was that across America or just in your state?

• 14:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I think it was a national commercial.

• 14:22Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah, I love when it breaks down at the end, just to the, oh yeah. And was the monkey character really memorable?

• 14:29Fortune Feimster?

  It was like an animated character, I believe.

• 14:31Mae Martin?

  Wow. Mine is shorter and it's, uh, I, maybe like, once a week I wake up saying it. It just goes, sleep country, Canada, why buy a mattress anywhere else?

• 14:47Fortune Feimster?

  Thomas is smiling, that's y'all's Canadian thing.

• 14:50Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah, that hits. Yeah, that hits hard, that's a banger. And also, I, there was a show called, um, Breaker High, that I used to rush home to watch, with, actually Ryan Gosling was in it. And it, the theme song went, na na, na na na, hey hey, carry me away. And in my mind, this was throughout my childhood, and I just found out there was only one season of it.

• 15:13Fortune Feimster?

  Oh yeah? And it really stuck with you?

• 15:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, it must have been just like, one year that I watched it, but.

• 15:18Fortune Feimster?

  I think jingles are fun. There's one in LA that for years is always, they still use it, I think, it's like, keys, keys, keys, keys on van ice.

• 15:29Mae Martin?

  What?

• 15:30Fortune Feimster?

  It's a car play.

• 15:32Mae Martin?

  Keys, keys, keys, keys on van ice. Whoa, scared.

• 15:37Fortune Feimster?

  There, I know there's so many more jingles that, uh...

• 15:42Fortune Feimster?

  That I can just not think of.

• 15:44Mae Martin?

  Eleven, eleven, phone pizza, pizza. Hey, hey, hey.

• 15:49Fortune Feimster?

  Is that another Canadian thing?

• 15:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:52Fortune Feimster?

  Our Canadian listeners are pumped right now.

• 15:55Mae Martin?

  And there was a guy called Russell Oliver, who would buy your jewelry and sell it. Like, and so he had, but he had tons of TV ads and he'd go, I buy your jewelry. He had a sort of weird accent. I'm Russell Oliver. I'm the cash man.

• 16:11Fortune Feimster?

  The cash man.

• 16:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was really strange. Maybe he was Australian.

• 16:16Fortune Feimster?

  Well, any of those, any of those catchy things I do think was good for the business. So.

• 16:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:22Fortune Feimster?

  You need to bring back jingles is what I say.

• 16:25Mae Martin?

  Also, those were the days where you had like four TV channels. And so you're seeing these commercials all the time and, and you're listening to the radio on the way to school every day. Like.

• 16:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 16:34Mae Martin?

  I think our ads on handsome, we should be more empowered to improvise jingles for. I think we'd sell more.

• 16:42Fortune Feimster?

  You never know.

• 16:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:44Fortune Feimster?

  You're our, you're our, um, music writer.

• 16:47Mae Martin?

  No, but you're better at a, at a jingle.

• 16:50Fortune Feimster?

  I don't write it. I'll just do what you tell me that you came up with.

• 16:53Mae Martin?

  Okay, I'll write, I'll write some.

• 16:55Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 16:56Mae Martin?

  I wonder if, um, I wonder if Allstate would be into it.

• 16:59Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe.

• 17:02Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, let's hear Leslie's answer.

• 17:05Speaker 05

  I grew up in Massachusetts and there's a commercial jingle from a furniture store called Bernie and Phil's. And it goes Bernie and Phil's quality, comfort and price. That's nice.

• 17:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I like the rhyme.

• 17:21Speaker 05

  Thanks, everyone. Love the pod.

• 17:23Fortune Feimster?

  Love a rhyme.

• 17:24Mae Martin?

  Love Leslie's commitment to that. I love, that's nice.

• 17:29Fortune Feimster?

  That's nice.

• 17:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 17:31Fortune Feimster?

  Amazing. Let's hear another one.

• 17:33Speaker 06

  Hi, May Fortune and Tig. My name is Sarah. I'm a big, big fan from over here in Australia.

• 17:39Fortune Feimster?

  Australia.

• 17:40Speaker 06

  Australia, as we like to say. Um, I once laughed so hard at the podcast while I was in the car that I reversed into a pole.

• 17:50Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no.

• 17:50Speaker 06

  So with that in mind, um, my car and myself are fine, by the way.

• 17:54Fortune Feimster?

  Good.

• 17:55Speaker 06

  In case you were wondering. Um, but with that in mind, I want to know if you guys were transformers. What vehicle would you turn into?

• 18:05Fortune Feimster?

  Transformers, more than meets the eye.

• 18:09Mae Martin?

  Is it robots in disguise?

• 18:11Fortune Feimster?

  Is it? I don't know the rest of it.

• 18:13Mae Martin?

  I don't know it either, but I know that, yeah.

• 18:15Fortune Feimster?

  The greatest jingle, though, um, it's not a commercial, but for TV will always be the Golden Girls.

• 18:25Mae Martin?

  Can you sing it?

• 18:26Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, okay.

• 18:29Mae Martin?

  Chig's not here. I welcome the singing.

• 18:32Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again. Your heart is true. You're a pal and a confidant. Damn, damn. And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say, "Thank you for being a friend."

• 19:04Mae Martin?

  Yes, you crushed that. Do they have that in karaoke places?

• 19:10Fortune Feimster?

  Cause they should, cause the whole crowd would go nuts. I have sang it at my show before.

• 19:17Mae Martin?

  You have?

• 19:18Fortune Feimster?

  I had someone ask me, I'm doing a little Q and A at the end of my live shows. And someone said, "If you could remake a 90's sitcom, what would it be?" And I said, "The Golden Girls." And then I started singing the theme song. And then the entire 2,500 seat theater of people started singing it with me. And it was one of the coolest moments that now I want to sing it at every show. And maybe I will.

• 19:42Mae Martin?

  I think you should. You could just introduce it that way.

• 19:44Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just like, guys, I'm just singing this now.

• 19:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, guys, this is just part of it now. Get on board.

• 19:52Mae Martin?

  Also, yeah, if you're gonna have a big group of people gathered in one place and you know it's an option to all sing that, why would you not?

• 19:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, Transformers.

• 20:01Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah, Transformers. Yeah, we got back on.

• 20:03Fortune Feimster?

  A car. Are you a car? Well, you're, you're not really a car person because you don't even drive.

• 20:08Mae Martin?

  Not a car.

• 20:09Fortune Feimster?

  So you're not even like, you're not even into like looking at them.

• 20:12Mae Martin?

  Not really, like I

• 20:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 20:14Mae Martin?

  I'm not into looking at them. I turn away.

• 20:17Fortune Feimster?

  Some people like love the looks of a car. I don't know.

• 20:19Mae Martin?

  No, I, I don't. Um, I think if I, I would transform into one of those propeller hats.

• 20:25Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 20:27Mae Martin?

  And zoom away.

• 20:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. But you, it's you in the hat just going.

• 20:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:33Fortune Feimster?

  I can see that for you. Uh, I like to drive a lot. It started young for me. I think I've told you guys this. I started driving in the cemetery when I was 12.

• 20:44Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 20:44Fortune Feimster?

  And, uh, my grandmother would be, you know, working, planting flowers at the tombstone. And I just casually gotten her giant Capri's classic and just started driving it around. No one, she had no qualms about it, was not like, hey, don't do that. She just was like, when I returned with the car, she was like, you ready to go? I'm like, yeah.

• 21:09Mae Martin?

  But you were by yourself in the car?

• 21:10Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, by myself.

• 21:12Mae Martin?

  I always thought it was like you were having lessons. Oh my God, fortune.

• 21:17Fortune Feimster?

  Totally by myself at 12.

• 21:19Mae Martin?

  That's insanity.

• 21:20Fortune Feimster?

  That's what I'm saying, but it was the nineties.

• 21:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:23Fortune Feimster?

  You just did these, these things, but it, it was an open cemetery. Like you could see everything. So I would know if there was another car in there and I would not drive by another car. I would like, I would have pulled over or something so I could see what I was working with. And I guess I was tall for 12, but

• 21:42Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 21:43Fortune Feimster?

  That being said, I, I loved a go-kart, love anything with a wheel, a steering wheel. I loved it. So I don't know if I were to be a transformer, um, maybe like, uh, I like the big cars, like a, a Bronco, something real dikey like that.

• 21:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, big dikey Bronco.

• 22:01Fortune Feimster?

  Big dikey Bronco or some kind of big car SUV.

• 22:08Mae Martin?

  Oh yeah, Ford Bronco.

• 22:09Fortune Feimster?

  One of those vintage ones would be cool where you pop the top.

• 22:12Mae Martin?

  Uh, yeah, that's a good answer. Should we hear, should we hear Sarah's answer?

• 22:15Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:17Speaker 06

  Um, I think if I were a transformer, I would be like a fun little Vespa.

• 22:23Speaker 06

  Not really sure why, but I just think it would be fun to zip around in Italy or you know, anywhere really as a Vespa. Thanks, guys.

• 22:31Fortune Feimster?

  For sure.

• 22:33Mae Martin?

  But also, let's not forget, you're trying to defeat Optimus Prime.

• 22:37Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:38Mae Martin?

  So you don't want to be, I mean, the propeller hat and the Vespa are pretty useless.

• 22:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you're only need more Bronco for sure.

• 22:45Mae Martin?

  You need the Bronco, yeah.

• 22:46Fortune Feimster?

  And I don't want a convertible because um my curls, you know, I don't want to mess up my curls.

• 22:52Mae Martin?

  Right, right. Yeah, you gotta keep those pristine.

• 22:56Fortune Feimster?

  For sure.

• 22:58Mae Martin?

  Well, that was a joy.

• 22:59Fortune Feimster?

  It was, absolutely.

• 23:01Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna have all those jingles stuck in my head now and uh, thank you for being a friend.

• 23:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Um, you got anything coming up?

• 23:09Mae Martin?

  I got nothing coming up. I'm just chilling this summer. I hope everyone else is chilling as well. I'm trying to spend time off my phone and um,

• 23:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 23:19Mae Martin?

  But if you do feel like sitting in front of a screen, you could always watch one of my specials or feel good or something and I'll be back doing live shows soon. Uh, what about you?

• 23:31Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I'm in Edmonton in July uh, for the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival with Mateo Lane. And then uh, starting September, I'm doing a bunch of stuff, San Antonio, Houston, Norfolk and Richmond and DC, Portland, Maine, all these places, Boston. It's gonna be a busy fall.

• 23:48Mae Martin?

  You should check out a song called Portland, Maine by Donovan Woods. Really beautiful song. Portland, Maine. I don't know what, it's really good. I don't remember any of the other lyrics, but.

• 24:00Fortune Feimster?

  I'll pick it up.

• 24:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:02Fortune Feimster?

  How did you like your eggs in the morning?

• 24:08Mae Martin?

  Shouting morning?

• 24:09Fortune Feimster?

  In the morning. Morning.

• 24:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but also keep sending your questions and your hypotheticals to speakpipe.com/hansampod. We love hearing them and uh,

• 24:21Fortune Feimster?

  I'd like to hear some advice questions too.

• 24:24Mae Martin?

  Oh, fuck, yeah.

• 24:25Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty good advice. So I think uh, if you guys are in need of any sort of help with anything, let us know.

• 24:31Mae Martin?

  Yes, situations in your life. I also, when I said fuck there, I suddenly was like, oh god, why did I say that? And then I remembered I'm an adult and I can say it.

• 24:39Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. You're not getting in trouble here, bud.

• 24:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:42Fortune Feimster?

  Little cowboy, you're good.

• 24:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah. All right, well, I guess all that remains is for everyone to please remember at all times to

• 24:50Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it

• 24:51Mae Martin?

  Pretty handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media @handsomepod.

• 25:10Speaker 04

  What a podcast!

• 25:16Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.