MBMBaM 769: The Good Time McElroy Hang Time

Set your calendar back three to five minutes for a show about giving advice . . . to ourselves? We're learning how to eat lollipops non-seductively, order pizza for adults, and how to do a stealth Stamps advertisement. Suggested talking points: What if a Buttcheek Comes Out, Pluck Out the Energy, One Bigger Ladder, MOPS: Mushroom, Onion, Pepperoni, Sausage Immigrant Defenders Law Center: https://www.immdef.org/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool baby?

• 0:21Speaker 01

  It's the start of something beautiful. A small acquaintance has blossomed, it's rapid into a precious friendship.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  I could've never seen what was coming for me. Hangs at the skate park, hangs by the beach. My life, it feels like. Life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better, it's better with you. This is true, ah, it's better, it's better with you. My life, ah, it's better with you.

• 1:10Travis McElroy?

  Hello, everybody. Welcome, my brother, my brother, me and Advice Show for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your middlest brother, Travis Vroom Vroom McElroy.

• 1:21Griffin McElroy?

  What up, Trav Nation? It's me, your sweet baby brother, thirty under thirty, media luminary, Built For Tough Griffin McElroy.

• 1:28Travis McElroy?

  Hot out there today.

• 1:30Griffin McElroy?

  Little. It's a scorcher.

• 1:31Travis McElroy?

  Hot out there, real hot in Ohio. In Ohio, it's hot. And can I tell you, boys, boys? I looked up, why is it hot in Ohio? And let me tell you.

• 1:43Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, hold on. Can we pause? Because when you look up the weather for a place you are, do you look up why it's hot in Ohio?

• 1:53Travis McElroy?

  No, I looked up the weather and we're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave. And I said, this is unnatural. And can I tell you guys? Because I pay attention to the capital T, capital S, the science, but I pay attention to the science.

• 2:06Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 2:07Travis McElroy?

  And I assumed.

• 2:09Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, it's like summer had begun.

• 2:10Travis McElroy?

  I assumed when I looked up why it was hot in Ohio, they would be like, is climate change, my dude? But I looked it up and it said, there's a heat dome.

• 2:22Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 2:23Travis McElroy?

  And I thought about that and I thought, who watches the watchman? Who's checking these meteorologists to be like, I don't think that, just say you don't know.

• 2:32Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no, I don't know. I think, I think a outspoken skepticism of the scientific community is exactly what those guys have fucking coming to them.

• 2:40Travis McElroy?

  No, no, I heard that the, uh, the big man in charge fired a bunch, all the good meteorologists and he left only the ones that were truly loyal.

• 2:48Griffin McElroy?

  And this motherfucker, this motherfucker loves domes. He's like always talking about them.

• 2:53Travis McElroy?

  Maybe we just got like eight or nine meteorologists left that are like, I don't know.

• 2:57Griffin McElroy?

  This is my best guess. It's like a bubble of hot.

• 3:00Travis McElroy?

  It's like a big, so right here I've drawn kind of a half circle and in there it's real hot. So hot.

• 3:06Griffin McElroy?

  I don't know.

• 3:07Travis McElroy?

  Hot dome?

• 3:08Griffin McElroy?

  I simply can't get over, it was a hot day on the day of the summer solstice. And you felt compelled to get on a search engine of some sort.

• 3:20Travis McElroy?

  The day after West Virginia day.

• 3:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 3:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Well, it's real hot. No, it wasn't just hot. It was like a hundred degrees.

• 3:28Griffin McElroy?

  But you went, but the, the question your mind jumped to, when that happens to me, typically I'm like, oh God, slushy me baby. Cause I've gotta go get a slushy to try and stay cool. I don't think, I don't think, why is it hot?

• 3:41Travis McElroy?

  Cause I have a, an inquisitive, curious mind that looks for answers and wants to know more about the world around him. Instead of just accepting that things are the way that they are and drinking a fucking slushy.

• 3:55Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 3:56Travis McElroy?

  Okay.

• 3:56Griffin McElroy?

  Sounded judgy.

• 3:57Travis McElroy?

  No, oh, sorry. You guys get to come at me for my beautiful inquisitive mind? And I start questioning your slushy practices and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy?

• 4:04Griffin McElroy?

  It's just mine is practical in a way. I don't need to know why it's hot. I'm not gonna be able to.

• 4:09Travis McElroy?

  Knowledge is power.

• 4:11Griffin McElroy?

  Knowledge is power.

• 4:12Travis McElroy?

  Knowledge is.

• 4:13Griffin McElroy?

  So you're gonna go out in your helicopter and smash this heat dome apart.

• 4:18Travis McElroy?

  Yes.

• 4:18Griffin McElroy?

  If you fly through the perimeter of it enough times, you'll bust it. You'll bust that dome wide open.

• 4:24Travis McElroy?

  I haven't even tried to go through it, Griffin. I don't even know if it's permeable. Can I, can I give you guys this? Knowledge is power, but curiosity is a burden.

• 4:31Griffin McElroy?

  That's cool.

• 4:32Travis McElroy?

  You know what I mean? Fuck dude. So you just have to wait for the knowledge to naturally flow into your face? No, I'm just saying like, let go of curiosity.

• 4:40Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, because sometimes, sometimes you are curious and you don't get the knowledge from that. And so there's no, there is no power gained whatsoever.

• 4:48Travis McElroy?

  Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna put together a team like the power, like the Planet Ears, the Captain Planet Planet Ears, where each of us has a specific but deep vein of knowledge about a thing.

• 5:00Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 5:01Travis McElroy?

  We don't have to know everything. I just need to know about like weather and they know about politics and they know about animals and together we'll compete on the trivia circuit.

• 5:11Griffin McElroy?

  You think you would.

• 5:13Travis McElroy?

  You're talking about beat the geek. Fuck, you're right. Shit.

• 5:16Griffin McElroy?

  We gotta stop inventing beat the geeks, guys.

• 5:19Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, it's a really good format. No argument here. It's really good. It's just all roads lead back there at some point, you know? Guys, I wanted to briefly apologize to you for being three to five minutes late for this recording. Thank you. And I was thinking about it when I was trying to get up the nerve to get on the call.

• 5:41Griffin McElroy?

  You do that?

• 5:42Travis McElroy?

  Well, I don't know. Are you afraid of us? No, I just like do it. This is kinda what I wanted to talk about. I was thinking about how I've been three to five minutes late for everything that we've ever done professionally.

• 5:57Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 5:58Travis McElroy?

  To an extent where like, I mean, like people usually have to say like, are you coming to this? Or whatever. And I, I was thinking about it when I was between three and five minutes late to this meeting. And I was thinking that, my suspicion is I want to explore with you guys if you have.

• 6:13Griffin McElroy?

  I would love to unpack this in the middle of the show.

• 6:15Travis McElroy?

  Three to five minutes?

• 6:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 6:17Travis McElroy?

  No, okay. My suspicion is that the problem may. Maybe me and not that there have been a seek, an unbroken sequence.

• 6:27Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 6:27Travis McElroy?

  Of unavoidable events.

• 6:29Griffin McElroy?

  Three to five minute long inconvenience.

• 6:31Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, five minute long events. That have prohibited me or prevented me from joining calls at the appropriate time. I, I, as I was between three and five minutes late for this call.

• 6:42Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 6:42Travis McElroy?

  For like completing my unbroken streak of like a decade and a half of being three or five minutes late for literally everything we've ever done.

• 6:48Griffin McElroy?

  Mm hmm.

• 6:50Travis McElroy?

  Um, can I, Justin, may I? Not to let you off the hook here. Cause like I, I am just now starting to worry. You're a hundred percent. What if it's me?

• 6:59Griffin McElroy?

  What if you're a thoughtless?

• 7:00Travis McElroy?

  It's not a sequence of events, Justin, because then the time would keep compiling. What I would hypothesize is that a decade and a half ago, some event occurred that set your calendar back three to five minutes.

• 7:12Griffin McElroy?

  Your stuff.

• 7:13Travis McElroy?

  And since then, you have been three to five minutes behind on everything. Yeah, I'm glad, I'm glad that this is not tied to trauma. I was really worried you were. No, no, no, no. At some point, something bad happened to me at ten oh two and I've just been like kind of dicey about those. Trauma's not real. What I'm saying is. A little bit there. Trauma's made up to sell toys. What I'm saying is. Yeah, what a twist. No, what I'm saying is that 15 years ago, you paused too long.

• 7:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:42Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. Before doing the next thing you're supposed to do. And now you're just fucked for the rest of your life. You'll never make it up.

• 7:49Travis McElroy?

  I consider my, I think of myself as consider a person.

• 7:52Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 7:52Travis McElroy?

  At large, I like to think of myself as considerate.

• 7:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 7:56Travis McElroy?

  And if I'm late to a thing that I'm driving to.

• 8:00Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:00Travis McElroy?

  I'm very much on edge.

• 8:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 8:02Travis McElroy?

  I really want to get there on time if I'm driving to it.

• 8:05Griffin McElroy?

  You're punctual in person, but.

• 8:07Travis McElroy?

  In person. You're a false.

• 8:08Griffin McElroy?

  And the, in this, in cyberspace, there's a little bit of maybe.

• 8:12Travis McElroy?

  It's almost like, that's almost like another bit of evidence.

• 8:15Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 8:15Travis McElroy?

  That maybe I am the problem.

• 8:17Griffin McElroy?

  Huh.

• 8:18Travis McElroy?

  Because I, it doesn't seem this, this like natural occurrence, chaos effect thing that's keeping me from ever getting to anything between three and five minutes within the time. I think maybe. Is because I it doesn't affect me in the outside world. Maybe it is an interior issue. Are you using a VPN?

• 8:43Travis McElroy?

  That can do it. It can affect connection.

• 8:47Travis McElroy?

  Is it like time zones being a thing? Maybe you're just in a slightly different time zone than us.

• 8:53Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, it's it's rudeness standard time. Uh, I think that you should try. Being 10 minutes early to stuff for a while. Can you guys even imagine how good that would feel to just be like chilling for 10? And you get to like really get yourself together and.

• 9:10Travis McElroy?

  I'm always the first person on the call.

• 9:12Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but are you 10? Um, this isn't about you. This is about our, our, our constantly tardy brother who's.

• 9:18Travis McElroy?

  So there's one of two things that's gonna happen.

• 9:20Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 9:20Travis McElroy?

  If I'm 10 minutes early to the call, thing one is I will turn it on, start the call. And I will obviously forget that I'm on the call.

• 9:29Griffin McElroy?

  Sure.

• 9:29Travis McElroy?

  Given.

• 9:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:30Travis McElroy?

  Because I will start to think about if I still remember the names of all the presidents in order. And I'll have to go see if I do, right? So obviously. Or you'll look up why it's hot or something. So one of the two things that's gonna happen, one, I'm gonna close it and do something else. That's been pretty consistent or two. Wait, why would you close it? And why is it open? I mean, why did I have?

• 9:53Travis McElroy?

  You're making the choice to close it. Cause I'll have the fleeting thought, hmm, desktop's getting messy. Better tidy up.

• 9:59Griffin McElroy?

  There's no.

• 9:59Travis McElroy?

  Then I close everything and I go make a sandwich.

• 10:01Griffin McElroy?

  And there's no.

• 10:02Travis McElroy?

  So it's 10 minutes early.

• 10:03Griffin McElroy?

  This is not me saying that Justin would do something like this, but you can't leave a camera just on. In your room because what if like, what if a butt cheek comes out? What if a nut?

• 10:14Travis McElroy?

  Well, my bigger worry, Justin, would be that if you started being 10 minutes early, Griffin and I would then match it, right? So then you'd have to be 10 minutes earlier so that you were still 10 minutes before the call. And then Griffin and I would eventually match that as well as we fall into sync.

• 10:28Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 10:29Travis McElroy?

  And eventually we're recording three days early. What I think is crazy is that you that I I have noticed this and you guys. Who it has been inconveniencing for for 15 years. You guys never noticed it. That is what is most surprising about this conversation.

• 10:44Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, I could search.

• 10:47Travis McElroy?

  I thought there would be a bit of recognition from you guys like, oh yeah, this is something we've noticed too. But like nothing. So I'm actually, maybe it's not an issue. Possible to filter text messages for increasing levels of panic.

• 11:01Griffin McElroy?

  If I search mine and Travis's private text message thread, if I just search the phrase, is it getting worse? Do you have any idea how many times this exact conversation would appear?

• 11:13Travis McElroy?

  The good news is no, it's just between three to five minutes. It's very consistent, actually. I actually, I appreciate that. I appreciate the consistent tardiness. Cause it gives me time to be like, I've logged on, it's nine 58, I'm two minutes early. I know I have eight minutes to turn on the steam deck, check in, see how things are going with my digital dudes. Before Justin gets on.

• 11:35Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 11:36Travis McElroy?

  Okay, let me ask, let me ask this. It's like an airlock of focus. I'm thinking through some stuff now, because I'm starting to detect some light sarcasm that makes me think that you have noticed. That I've been three to five minutes late for everything.

• 11:48Griffin McElroy?

  What? No.

• 11:51Travis McElroy?

  How many times would I need to?

• 11:55Griffin McElroy?

  Be a good boy on time for us to forget this.

• 11:57Travis McElroy?

  How many times before I start to get some positive?

• 12:01Griffin McElroy?

  One.

• 12:01Travis McElroy?

  Travis?

• 12:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I feel like we've all been very constructive.

• 12:05Travis McElroy?

  Okay, yeah, you know what?

• 12:09Travis McElroy?

  That was an erosion of trust. Griffin has at least been able to maintain a veneer. Okay, and I need you at least for veneer. Okay? Okay, a Greg veneer. Now, there's a, it's just, I'm still your older brother. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a respect there. I've always thought it was a dominance play, by the way, to be three to five minutes late. As the king enters the room and everybody's. That's what worries me. That is what worries me, Travis. That is the secret that's keeping the stars apart is I am worried about that. And I don't want it to be that, but there is a 70% chance.

• 12:40Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, I don't think it's a power play thing. I think, I think I know the folds of your mind. Um, as well as my own at this point. And I do think that imagine you have a button on your desk that says, begin work on it. You're not gonna spring to press that button. You're gonna look at it and be like, ah, mm, not quite yet. Mm, gotta watch, mm, there's a trailer for Megan 2.0. I gotta just, mm, real quick.

• 13:04Travis McElroy?

  It's a new one? Oh, fuck. Don't tease me. I can't wait for that queen to slay. Are you saying that I'm a procrastinator by nature, Griffin? Uh, yeah. Hey babe, hey babe, hey babe. Yeah. We've all had a lot of fun here today, but we should be careful, you know, there's a lot of glass. There's a lot of glass around all of our homes, I think. Oh, okay. In this, in this neighborhood. Weird. It's a weird move to invite sort of constructive criticism and then once I kind of say, hey, Griff, hey Griff. Watch it. Hey Griff, I'm just trying to keep the rails on, because if it gets nasty, you know. Thing about construction. Get nasty. The thing about construction is if you build a set of stairs, it goes both ways. You know what I mean? Think about it.

• 13:48Travis McElroy?

  Griffin has been messing up too. Thank you Travis. Everyone else has been so early. When I say middlest, I don't just mean I'm the middle of the three brothers. I mean, I've been keeping it average as long as possible. Fully. What if I, what if I did start to be kind of the on time brother? How long do you think it would need to take before? Cause I, this is my thinking is I don't know if I can. 10,000 hours. Problem is me.

• 14:12Travis McElroy?

  How many three to five minutes does it take to make 10,000 hours of being on time? That's the worst problem. That's the worst part about realizing that you're the problem. Yeah. Is that I'm the only me I got, you know, where do I go from there? Yeah. I don't have a backup on, if the problem's me, I'm all out of options. This is what we learned from the Michael Keaton movie Multiplicity, you know what I mean? Yes. Yeah. That let him highlight and isolate his, his faults. He could really see them in those guys. Exactly. So anyways, thanks. That's another great episode. Thanks everybody so much for joining us for Brother Talk. The only McRoy Brother Therapy Podcast out there. In closing, I will work on it. Thank you so much. That's all we can ask. Try to get it to two to three minutes. You can ask.

• 14:55Travis McElroy?

  If you can shave it down to two to three minutes, now we're talking, that's, that's 15, 16 hours a year that we're gonna be packing up. At that point, that's not even like late. If you're two minutes late to something, that's just a difference in clocks or whatever. You know what I mean? Uh, guys, I've become very self-conscious about how nasty and dirty my boom, my, uh. Yeah, you're doing some ASMR there with tweezers. I was saying, I just realized I was trying to discreetly pluck some of the yucky fuzz and gunk off of my mic cover and. Yeah. And I just, for the record, just because we did just post the TikTok of you chiding me for, uh, playing with my, uh, stress relieving donut, I will say that you.

• 15:35Griffin McElroy?

  That's nice, though, isn't it?

• 15:36Travis McElroy?

  This Griffin, this is a

• 15:38Griffin McElroy?

  No, imagine this is the part of your brain.

• 15:40Travis McElroy?

  A little bit distracting. I managed to not mention it for the record.

• 15:42Griffin McElroy?

  But you did great. The mic is your brain juice and the fuzz is the thing inside of you that is so wrong that makes you be thoughtless and late. And I just take that energy and I pluck it on out and now it's good.

• 15:54Travis McElroy?

  Hey, Griffin, if you could zoom in on that like a million times, so I could see like the fibers going, that's a great TikTok for me.

• 16:01Griffin McElroy?

  I don't want to show. Here's the thing. I don't want to show the business end of the mic because it has some lip stuff on it that I am not proud of.

• 16:09Travis McElroy?

  What are you doing over there? Why are both of you monsters?

• 16:13Griffin McElroy?

  I'm French.

• 16:13Travis McElroy?

  Why thoughtless and late? Like, I thought, you know what I mean? Like, it's not thoughtless because I've been thinking about it.

• 16:19Griffin McElroy?

  Thoughtless was too, thoughtless was too much.

• 16:21Travis McElroy?

  Too much. Okay, do you? Okay, let's keep the respect.

• 16:24Griffin McElroy?

  You're way older than me.

• 16:25Travis McElroy?

  How am I doing?

• 16:26Griffin McElroy?

  You're way, you're way older than me. So the respect

• 16:28Travis McElroy?

  Way older. If we're doing a great check in, how am I doing?

• 16:32Griffin McElroy?

  Travis, you're crushing, man. Fucking slapping ass out of your power.

• 16:36Travis McElroy?

  This is the beautiful thing. Always give 70%. And then when you give 80%, people are like, whoa, dude.

• 16:41Griffin McElroy?

  Damn.

• 16:42Travis McElroy?

  That's been, I've been keeping my jokes so bad so that when I do an okay one, people lose it.

• 16:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 16:48Travis McElroy?

  Uh, and hey, before you send a bunch of helpful tips of how I can get to things on time, I'm doing fine. Yeah, it's all good. Yeah, man. We all have a great relationship.

• 16:57Griffin McElroy?

  We accept, we accept our little quirks. It's all good. We need to have a podcast where the three of us just hang and fucking juice each other up, just so some of the backseat, backseat family dynamic observation, people be like, yeah, but on the good time, McRoy hang time, you can tell that they're still fucking

• 17:14Travis McElroy?

  They're all in character.

• 17:16Griffin McElroy?

  And chilling and hanging.

• 17:17Travis McElroy?

  I thought that's what this was.

• 17:19Griffin McElroy?

  Then you thought this was the chill vibe McRoy hang time?

• 17:22Travis McElroy?

  I don't have these kinds of conversations with people I don't care for.

• 17:25Griffin McElroy?

  That's a good point.

• 17:26Travis McElroy?

  That's fair, dude. That's fucking deep as hell. I don't have, I don't have check ins on my own behavior. I don't think about my own behavior with them. They're lucky a little bit of sparkle in on their shoulder. Are you kidding me?

• 17:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, for sure, dude.

• 17:38Travis McElroy?

  I mean, yeah, you guys are the only ones that care about judging me if that. To me, it was a Tuesday. But more. People need to watch the Street Fighter movie, by the way, because that's like 90% of our dialogue.

• 17:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:49Travis McElroy?

  And I need you guys to see that in Bison C N.

• 17:52Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 17:52Travis McElroy?

  I work at an equine vet, and though it's not part of my normal work routine, I'm often asked to make a trip to the post office and shipping store. Whenever this happens, I'm usually also asked to stop by the bank and get change for our cash box at the front desk. Sidebenefitstamps.com, nobody tells you about.

• 18:12Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 18:12Travis McElroy?

  If you're not going to do that, Aaron, people don't give you other errands.

• 18:15Griffin McElroy?

  That's true.

• 18:15Travis McElroy?

  That's about it. Think about it. I pull up to the window and I hand the teller an envelope with the money and a little sticky note with the type of change that we need. Usually while they're counting it, they do it right next to a giant basket of lollipop. Brother, how do I explain to the teller that I want one of these lollipops? It is, is it weird for a 27 year old conducting business and exchanging change to want a free lollipop? That's from Suckerless Sucker in the South.

• 18:39Griffin McElroy?

  I do feel like, as long as we're in like a helpful criticism mode, a lot of the preamble of this question was a bit extraneous. It felt a little bit like you just wanted to brag about the fact that you get to touch horses morning, noon and night.

• 18:53Travis McElroy?

  I, so I just assumed that they were telling us that because they ride up to the bank on a horse.

• 18:58Griffin McElroy?

  Okay.

• 19:00Travis McElroy?

  That was my assumption.

• 19:00Griffin McElroy?

  Probably not, because you can't stop a horse from just shredding one of those lollipop buckets.

• 19:05Travis McElroy?

  I'll also tell you this, man, if I saw, if I'm working at a bank, someone rolls up on a horse.

• 19:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 19:10Travis McElroy?

  Hands me an envelope with a note on it. Before I even look at the note, I assume I'm being held up by an old guy.

• 19:16Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, man. Yeah, for sure, man.

• 19:19Travis McElroy?

  Handing any teller a note is such a risky move.

• 19:23Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, sure.

• 19:24Travis McElroy?

  Of course you can have a lollipop. Yeah, I think, I think it's important to start seeing these things, not as you sort of like indulging yourself. Because no one is going to look at you as the person you are and think, oh, there they go again, having a delicious lollipop. What they're going to think is, thank you for giving us all permission.

• 19:44Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 19:45Travis McElroy?

  To enjoy this delicious treat.

• 19:47Griffin McElroy?

  Yes.

• 19:47Travis McElroy?

  It's just, there's a big bowl of lollipops. That rules.

• 19:51Griffin McElroy?

  That's great.

• 19:51Travis McElroy?

  Look at that and enjoy the opportunity, the fact that you're. Already in the mind space of like, ooh, lollipops are delicious. I'd love to enjoy one. You're, you're so close. Just take that next step and grab.

• 20:03Griffin McElroy?

  I would also, I would also.

• 20:04Travis McElroy?

  Pass it on.

• 20:05Griffin McElroy?

  I would also say that who do you think the lollipops are there for? Business children?

• 20:11Travis McElroy?

  Thank you. Hey Griffin, that's actually a pretty good point.

• 20:14Griffin McElroy?

  Thanks, man. Yeah, no, I feel.

• 20:16Travis McElroy?

  Kids aren't allowed in banks. They'll steal all the money and get chocolate.

• 20:19Griffin McElroy?

  These little sugar discs are good for me. Do you understand?

• 20:23Travis McElroy?

  I thought you were talking about kids for a second.

• 20:24Griffin McElroy?

  No, I'm talking about lollipops. These sugar discs come on a stick. They deliver a good taste to my mouth that makes my brain chill for a little bit.

• 20:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. The ones at my bank are THC, like that, they're not for kids.

• 20:36Griffin McElroy?

  Regardless, even without that good green herb, if it's just a sugar disc that makes my brain release stuff that makes me feel good. Oh, that's medicine now. So you don't get much more grown up than that.

• 20:46Travis McElroy?

  Now, there is a bit of a social construct that you need to do here. Where you give kind of a chuckle and like a, oh, as you take one.

• 20:55Griffin McElroy?

  No.

• 20:56Travis McElroy?

  Right? That, that's what I, you give it a. No way. Not a, not a giggle, but like a, oh, uh, just a little, not that big, obviously. I'm showcasing to the people at home. There's an audio medium. But a little bit of a, don't mind if I do, kind of moment.

• 21:11Griffin McElroy?

  A little decadence. No, I, I feel like.

• 21:14Travis McElroy?

  Grab a whole handful of them and you throw them in your plastic.

• 21:17Griffin McElroy?

  That's okay.

• 21:18Travis McElroy?

  Jack-o'-lantern bucket that you brought with you.

• 21:20Griffin McElroy?

  If you brought the McDonald's jack-o'-lantern bucket, you grab a fistful of lollipops, you do need to put a little bit of English on the ball. You do need to give it a little bit of, mm, special, something for later. But if you're just taking, if you're just taking, I am not a confident man. I do not carry myself with confidence, generally speaking. The confidence that I have when I reach into a lollipop bucket at a host stand at a restaurant or a bank teller window or whatever, is so complete and so thorough because there is no other way I will be allowed to grab a lollipop.

• 21:52Travis McElroy?

  Do you grab the first one?

• 21:54Griffin McElroy?

  What's that?

• 21:54Travis McElroy?

  Do you grab the first one you touch or do you rifle for the perfect flavor?

• 21:58Griffin McElroy?

  I grab the first one I touch. I do it in a manner that suggests like, this is, this is how a grown up eats a sugar disc. And it, and I, it's the only place in which I feel confident that I can, I can do that. Cause if I, if I hedge even a little bit, then all of a sudden it's fucking weird that I'm eating a lollipop and I'm 38 years old.

• 22:19Travis McElroy?

  I just worry that I couldn't eat it in a non seductive way. Sure. The teller is gonna get the wrong impression. Yeah. I don't know how to eat a lollipop in front of someone else that's not gonna arouse. Yeah, fair. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know how to turn that off. I'm just worried that I'll grab the first one. I'm like a young Sherilyn Finn. I don't, I don't know how to turn the sensuality. Yeah. I don't know how to dim my own sexuality. Exactly. Yeah. I'm worried that I'll grab the first one I touch, pop it in, then go like, ew, butterscotch, ew, take it away, ew! And hold it out between my fingers. Until they hold it, the trash can, or they hold out their hand and they take it. And then I'll start crying until I find like a blue raspberry. And then I feel better. Um, and they then just start handing me money to try to get me to stop crying. And it's the perfect heist.

• 23:02Griffin McElroy?

  At the kids barber shop where I take my kids to get their hair cut. Um, they give you out a lollipop and a balloon when you're done. And a lot of the times, one of my two boys, my precious angels, do not want the lollipop. They only want the balloon. But, you know who does want that lollipop?

• 23:18Travis McElroy?

  Daddy like you.

• 23:19Griffin McElroy?

  Daddy does like his medicine. And so I will say, take one, I'll be like, if I don't take it, he's just gonna lose it in the car later. And then we walk outside and then how many licks? One, two, three, and I'm crunching.

• 23:31Travis McElroy?

  Okay. You go up to your bank, they have a basket of candy, okay? What is the candy that would be in the basket? And I'm talking about a typical basket candy, like, don't put full-size whetch macallis in there. Oh, okay. You know what I mean? Like a typical basket candy. What is the candy that's in the basket where you are absolutely 100% stone cold, definitely gonna get one? No question.

• 23:50Griffin McElroy?

  I mean, this is more of a restaurant thing, but Andy's Mints, those are made exclusively for grownups. No child is gonna eat those. Those are for us. Um, so that's a 100%.

• 24:00Travis McElroy?

  I feel like you've been trying to get Chupa Chups into an adult brand. Like, I feel like you've been trying to give them more of an adult spin. Like, it's something like Kojak has, you know?

• 24:09Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, no.

• 24:10Travis McElroy?

  I mean, yeah, it's a more refined flavor palette.

• 24:13Griffin McElroy?

  It is. A Chupa Chup is a lollipop for someone, for a, a lollipop enthusiast. I, I do, I do love a Chupa Chup.

• 24:19Travis McElroy?

  You know the one that I'm always gonna get, guys?

• 24:21Griffin McElroy?

  What's that, Juice?

• 24:22Travis McElroy?

  That strawberry with the goo inside.

• 24:24Griffin McElroy?

  The gooey berry, yeah.

• 24:26Travis McElroy?

  Love, I love a delicious strawberry bonbon, especially when it's freshly made, at least within the last 20 years. And the goop is still goopy.

• 24:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, they actually haven't made any of those since 1971, and so there are no under 20s.

• 24:42Travis McElroy?

  They're waiting for the supply to run low. When I pop one of those strawberry bonbons into my mouth and I feel those little prickly ridges dance across my tongue, I think, oh yeah, daddy's having a break now. Yeah, you're supposed to take the plastic off, Justin, by the way. Now daddy's having a break. I, I don't even know that I enjoy them, but I'm just compelled to take the little crumbly peppermint kind of like pillows.

• 25:07Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, those are the worst.

• 25:09Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, but every time I see one, I went, okay, yeah, I should. I like the way they crumble in your mouth and you can't tell how old they are. Like peppermint chalk, it's wonderful. I like the little, like the little, the little mint, the little mints you get a spoon full of, you know what I mean? The after dinner mints, the pastel colors. What else do you guys like? You like Jordan almonds?

• 25:28Griffin McElroy?

  What if they just had loose Skittles? Just loose Skittles. You reach in and grab a paw.

• 25:34Travis McElroy?

  Nothing loose.

• 25:35Griffin McElroy?

  And then if you take the golden Skittle, then they give you a hundred dollars from the bank.

• 25:39Travis McElroy?

  Just enjoy it. If you're not enjoying your lollipop, what are you doing?

• 25:41Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 25:43Travis McElroy?

  That's the whole point, is to enjoy those. Over the last winter, Anubadega recently opened up near me. I started going there regularly for my coffee as it's near my apartment and dog friendly. So I go with my pup on a morning walk. I go often enough that the guy who works there sees me coming through the window, has my order prepared as I walk in. Large hot coffee with a splash of skim milk. Man, that's cool. Yeah. I've always wanted that. I want to be a regular somewhere. I know, I know. I have a problem living in a non-walkable cities, like I'd have to travel with my BP coffee five minutes away. The problem is now that it's summer, the weather's getting hot, I want to make my annual switch from hot coffee to iced coffee. When I get to the counter, this nice man has already got my hot coffee ready and waiting for me. How do I casually mention to him that I do not want the coffee he has already prepared

• 26:28Travis McElroy?

  for me and I'd like him to throw it out and make me a new drink instead of this from Too Hot to Handle? So this is, this is one of those things where it's like on paper, like if an alien analyzed this and had no sense of human behavior, they'd be like, this is a conversation you only have to have once a season. Like what, why?

• 26:47Griffin McElroy?

  Extremely difficult.

• 26:48Travis McElroy?

  But it's like, no, no, no, there's so much momentum built up behind it.

• 26:52Griffin McElroy?

  That's why I can't stand.

• 26:53Travis McElroy?

  When we talk about becoming a regular, right? There's a level of trust.

• 26:56Griffin McElroy?

  Maybe I don't want to be. Hey, guys, maybe I don't want to be a regular.

• 26:59Travis McElroy?

  There's a level of trust and pride there.

• 27:02Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:03Travis McElroy?

  Where the person is like, every time I see them coming and I know what they want and I do it, that's a building block in a relationship.

• 27:10Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 27:10Travis McElroy?

  And it takes so little.

• 27:12Griffin McElroy?

  So the answer, I think, is, this is a situation, the good news is you can remedy this with one good go, with one good one, where you can give them the heads up, I want it iced, please, don't waste the coffee, and then for the rest of the summer, iced until I say otherwise. So all you gotta do is not let them see you. You're gonna need to create.

• 27:37Travis McElroy?

  Ooh.

• 27:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. Maybe you skitch on the back of a garbage truck and then you just kind of like smash in through the front door as quick as you can and just go, ice! Before they can, before they can, well, don't actually, now that I'm thinking about it, wicked, wicked, definitely, super duper, super duper duper.

• 27:53Travis McElroy?

  Super duper duper.

• 27:55Griffin McElroy?

  Do not do what I just said.

• 27:56Travis McElroy?

  Don't do what Griffin had to just say.

• 27:57Griffin McElroy?

  Under no circumstances do what I said.

• 27:59Travis McElroy?

  The skitching part you can do.

• 28:00Griffin McElroy?

  The skitching part kicks ass, but you're gonna want to bust in and you're gonna want to be very explicit and say, hey, before, stop, stop, before you do that, and then you explain your, what your actual work is.

• 28:11Travis McElroy?

  What if you go in disguise?

• 28:13Griffin McElroy?

  Cool.

• 28:14Travis McElroy?

  Both. What if you go in disguise?

• 28:16Griffin McElroy?

  Skitch in there like an old grandma.

• 28:18Travis McElroy?

  We've dropped the skitching. The skitching introduced a legal aspect that I don't want to get in. Okay, safely skitch with all the proper state dealer equipment, like an old grandma.

• 28:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 28:27Travis McElroy?

  And then you, you, you walk in or skitch in, maybe you can keep the momentum going.

• 28:33Griffin McElroy?

  If you skitch into the bodega, the driver's got some splainin' to do.

• 28:38Travis McElroy?

  No, you wait till they take a turn and you, like you would slingshot around the moon to get to Mars faster.

• 28:43Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:43Travis McElroy?

  Right? So then you launch in and you're like, whoa, it's me, iced coffee.

• 28:49Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah. That's, that could work.

• 28:52Travis McElroy?

  Ooh, you know what? This is where curiosity comes in. You come in and go, oh, not for me today. Didn't you hear about the heat dome? It also helps if you know their name.

• 29:01Griffin McElroy?

  Right.

• 29:01Travis McElroy?

  They've already made it. They've already made it.

• 29:03Griffin McElroy?

  They did already make it though.

• 29:04Travis McElroy?

  But now, by introducing, and I'm sorry to say this for a second question, a bit of a chuckle. You make it seem like an inside joke between you and the bodega runner, where you're like, oh, I know I normally would, but extreme circumstances have broken my spirit and I simply cannot do hot coffee. This is neither a breaking of our trust nor our routine together. But in fact, the universe has conspired to make it too hot for me to have this coffee. But you're gonna do all of that in one brief chuckle and shrug. Oh, wish I could.

• 29:35Griffin McElroy?

  That is one of the most insane things you've said this year.

• 29:39Travis McElroy?

  That's. History will prove me correct. That's good. This year, that's reasonable. What is? Like, that, well, I thought Griffin was about to say of all time. And then Griffin put the thing of this year, and I think like, I'm thinking about some of the crazier shit that you've said this year, and it's like.

• 29:54Griffin McElroy?

  It's just that your suggestion, your suggestion was to smash.

• 29:57Travis McElroy?

  Breaking in the top thirty for sure.

• 29:58Griffin McElroy?

  Your suggestion to this inconvenient social situation is to let them make the coffee, wasting coffee, which is like objective number one. I feel like we could probably sidestep that. And then smash in through the door, traveling at sixty-five miles an hour, post-skyt slingshot, and say, ha, ha, ha.

• 30:16Travis McElroy?

  That's non-negotiable.

• 30:17Griffin McElroy?

  Say to this basically stranger, ha, ha, ha, ha, dump that out because the universe has made it too hot for me to drink it.

• 30:25Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I think what we were saying there is Travis started trying to give a good idea.

• 30:30Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, he is.

• 30:31Travis McElroy?

  Realized halfway through that it was a bad idea, and then tried to convert it into a joke.

• 30:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 30:37Travis McElroy?

  To hide. None of that was a joke. That it was an extremely bad idea. None of that was a joke. What I'm saying is, it's not a stranger. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I know it wasn't a joke. That, that, that part is clear. Hear me out. It's not a stranger. You've been building this regular type of relationship. Now you're feeling like the social anxiety of having to say, oh, actually, I didn't want hot coffee. If you play it like you're uncomfortable telling them that, that's where the erosion of that building relationship goes. If you say it like it's an inside joke, right, it's go, oh, I normally would. You're right. But a little too hot today. Let's try ice this time. Right now, it's building the relationship.

• 31:14Griffin McElroy?

  You've lost, you've lost the game. They dump it out, they waste the coffee, you've lost the game.

• 31:18Travis McElroy?

  Uh, there's only one way to correct this. When you go in tomorrow. They lose the milk. Let's be clear. Sorry. The coffee is batch made. Who cares about throwing out coffee? It's the milk. That's the problem. They're wasting milk. That's the problem. Sorry. Go on. In this economy? We sh- wha- what if when you go in tomorrow, you say, oh, it's a hot one out here. Can you throw a couple of ice cubes in there? Yes. And then tomorrow, you say, ah, it's still a hot one. Can you double the amount of ice cubes from yesterday? Yeah. And then they're like, well, that's not too much. And then it's four. And then you go in tomorrow and you say, it's a hot one out there. Can you double the amount of ice cubes from yesterday? Yeah. And that doesn't sound that crazy, but now it's eight. Yeah. Yeah. Sixteen. Within two weeks, I remember from.

• 32:01Travis McElroy?

  Well, that becomes your regular order though, Justin. You just keep doubling it. Within two weeks, you're gonna be ordering like pounds of ice. Like, cause you're doubling every. Five gallon buckets of ice. You're gonna eventually be pulling a U-Haul up. Just be like, oh, this bitch with ice. Cause I kinda, I got two U-Hauls coming tomorrow. You know what I mean? I, eventually you're gonna have some sort of side business. And then you sell the ice back to them. Money. Boom. Wait, is that what we're talking about? Bill it.

• 32:31Travis McElroy?

  You. Sorry. You spill it. You do it. You spill it outside. Don't make a mess. You take it outside. You say, ah. And you spill it on the ground and then you go in, you say. Spill it? Dang it. You say, dang it. I spilled it outside. I'll have another one, please. Iced. If you dare. I know it's gonna be uncomfortable, but if you do spill the whole thing on yourself, I think you have one get out of jail free card. Where you could be like, you know what? From now on, let's try ice. Too high. Burn tummy. I'm so bad. My skin, burn skin. Travis, no, this is maybe a real trauma. You can like burn yourself with the coffee. Well, yeah.

• 33:18Travis McElroy?

  You just go in with your coffee and say, I can't deal with a hot coffee anymore.

• 33:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 33:22Travis McElroy?

  It's too much.

• 33:23Griffin McElroy?

  Cause I could sue you like the, like that lady at McDonald's did and you'd be fucking ruined.

• 33:29Travis McElroy?

  And then we got a bad rap. Then when we hit like September 20th, you'd be like, I think I'm ready to try again.

• 33:36Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, I've been, I've been good.

• 33:38Travis McElroy?

  I've been processing a lot. My therapist thinks that I should try it again.

• 33:43Griffin McElroy?

  Give me two hot coffees.

• 33:44Travis McElroy?

  But then, but then it gets hot again. It was a fake thing and you said it was too soon. I wasn't ready. What were you gonna say, Griffin? I wanna hear your version too.

• 33:52Griffin McElroy?

  You take two hot coffees in your hand, say, I'm gonna run laps around the store, come back. You're gonna see, man. Not a drop, not a drop. I'm ready. Gimme.

• 33:59Travis McElroy?

  I'm ready. Ready for the big show. I like that the trauma in Griffin's mind isn't the spilling hot coffee on oneself. It's simply the spilling.

• 34:06Griffin McElroy?

  I'm sorry.

• 34:07Travis McElroy?

  I feel so bad about spilling.

• 34:08Griffin McElroy?

  I, I found a fucking beautiful narrow shaft of sunlight, which was, you just are gonna have to buy two coffees once and tell them you want the other one iced and then you're good to go for the rest of your life. And that was a beautiful and flawless solution. And you guys were like, burn your chest and genitals as bad as you possibly can with this scorching scalded coffee.

• 34:29Travis McElroy?

  Not a solution show. It's a comedy show. You just tell, the next time you go in, you tell them that from now on, you're subletting your apartment to your twin brother who looks exactly like you, except prefers his coffee iced.

• 34:41Griffin McElroy?

  Lay, look out for the Iceman. Hey, for real though, he's my twin brother. He likes it cold. Um.

• 34:48Travis McElroy?

  He'll be here for the summer, but the second the thermometer, he's like the heat miser. The second the temperature drops below 80 degrees, he's leaving and I'll be back. And I'll have an eye patch this time. Cool, huh? Anyways, see you then. His name's my name too. Important to note, spelled differently, but don't worry about that. You know who else will be back, Travis? Who? Us. Right after this.

• 35:22Travis McElroy?

  Zocdoc. Feels good to say, doesn't it? Say it, Justin. Zocdoc. Oh, yeah. I use Zocdoc. Okay. Did I tell you that? I found Zocdoc to find a dentist. Well, what is Zocdoc? Well, Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. You did a dentist, you say? You found a dentist? It's a dentist. You know what? It's really hard to find a dentist or a doctor. It's annoying. You never know the right person to call. You never know where to start. Zocdoc made it really easy. They just said, hey, here's some dentists. Just pick one. Your insurance takes them. Go. Yeah, like they're holding out a deck of, like a magician. They hold out a deck of cards. They say, pick a card and you pick it.

• 36:07Travis McElroy?

  And they say, that's your dentist. And you say, what? I thought these were cards. And then you look and you're holding a dentist. And that's the magic trick that Zocdoc performs for you. Preventative care is really important. And if you're, you're putting it off because it's, it's tough. It's irritating. Zocdoc can make that a lot easier. So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to zocdoc.com/MyBrother to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z O C D O C dot com slash MyBrother. Z O C D O T com slash MyBrother. Zocdoc. I just spelled D O T. Zocdoc dot com slash MyBrother.

• 36:51Travis McElroy?

  Justin, tell me about your kitty. I'll tell you, boys, about my cats, Olive and Amelia. Every morning they wake up and they start being real friendly. You know why? Because they are ready for their smooth bird. Wait, are you, wait? They're ready for Smooth Bird or Smooth Other Bird, but they'll also take Smooth Cow if you have it. Those are just a few of the literal names of the great flavors of Smalls cat food. For the record, my picky ladies love Smooth Other Bird. That's a great place to start. They're these prepackaged packets of food full of really good stuff that is, I will, I will tell you this.

• 37:33Travis McElroy?

  My cats, since they, I made the switch from dry food to Smalls. They have been healthier, they, according to their veterinarian, their coats look better. They're anecdotal, but it's been my experience and they love it. And it's really easy to just open one of these individual packets. They arrive fresh. You put it in your fridge. They're ready to go. Last time I came in town to visit Juice, they did not piss on all my stuff. And I can't help but wonder if that's related to their, their improved diet, thanks to Smalls. They do. Their diets have improved. Their energy's improved. I, we really genuinely love Smalls. We are paying customers of Smalls. It's, it's, it's been a great for our house.

• 38:15Travis McElroy?

  I have never eaten it. No. One time we did, before we figured out exactly how much Smalls we needed, we ran out and the cats were furious. They started, they demanded that I go out and smooth up the birds myself. And I told them, I don't know how to smooth up the birds. Only Smalls knows how to smooth them up the way you like. And trust me, you don't want to search like how to smooth up birds on YouTube. It'll fuck your algorithm up so bad. Don't smooth up your own birds. Reach for Smalls. Reach for the Smalls. Reach for the Smalls for a limited time because you're a my brother, my brother, me listener. You can get 60% off your first order of Smalls plus free shipping by using code MYBROTHER. That's 60% off when you head to Smalls.com and use promo code MYBROTHER.

• 38:56Travis McElroy?

  Again, that's promo code MYBROTHER for 60% off your first order plus free shipping at Smalls.com.

• 39:06Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 39:07Speaker 05

  Hello, I'm calling on behalf of the Beef and Dairy Network podcast.

• 39:10Speaker 04

  No, I'm sorry, no sales calls, goodbye.

• 39:12Speaker 05

  It's a multi-award winning podcast featuring guests such as Ted Danson, Nick Offerman, Josie Long.

• 39:17Speaker 04

  I don't know what a Josie Long is, and anyway, I'm about to take my mother into town to see Phantom of the Opera at last. You are wasting my time, and even worse, my mother's time. She only has so much time left. She's 98 years old, she's only expected to live for another 20 or 30 years. Mother, get your shoes on. Yes, the orthopedic ones, I don't want that to carry you home again, do I?

• 39:35Speaker 05

  Right, well, if you were looking for a podcast.

• 39:37Speaker 04

  Mother, you're not wearing that, are you? It's very revealing, mother. This is musical theatre, not a Parisian bordello.

• 39:43Speaker 05

  Simply go to MaximumFun.org.

• 39:45Speaker 04

  I'm reaching for my Samsung Galaxy 4 as we speak. Mother! Mother, not that hat!

• 39:51Speaker 06

  Pokemon, Insecure, Love Island, Paramore. What do all these things have in common? Black people love them. That's where Black People Love Paramore comes in. We're a pop culture podcast taking a funny look at the common and sometimes very uncommon things black people love. From asking why so many black kids were secretly emo, to debating whether Beyonce is underrated. Hint: she is. We're getting into all the things that make us feel a little bit more seen. Get it? And yes, everybody's invited, no matter your niche, we have room for you. Listen to Black People Love Paramore on MaximumFun.org and wherever you get your podcasts.

• 40:35Travis McElroy?

  Should we do another question? I'd love to.

• 40:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 40:38Travis McElroy?

  I'm at the Home Depot to buy two ladders. It feels insane to just have two ladders in my cart with nothing else. How do I not look like a fool walking out of this store pushing a two-ladder full cart?

• 40:49Travis McElroy?

  It's from ladders, dude. Too many in DC. Just get one big, long ladder. Or I get two ladders. What a waste of time. You can fucking get one ladder! Get one bigger ladder! One ladder!

• 41:05Griffin McElroy?

  And then later, one ladder. There's so many fucking ways around this, my man.

• 41:10Travis McElroy?

  I think that ladder store, there should just be ladder stores that exclusively sell ladders. You can't buy them anywhere else. And the the aisles are gigantic. So you could turn your cart around. Know what like this is exclusive path. Every time I have had to buy ladders multiple times in my life from working in technical theater. And every time you get a ladder, you feel like you've instantly been launched into a Three Stooges bit. Where it's like, well, I'm gonna be destroying this place and everyone around me for the next 15 minutes.

• 41:37Griffin McElroy?

  Give me a fucking 12 foot deep turbo cart. So I don't have to look like an asshole in the aisles of the Home Depot.

• 41:43Travis McElroy?

  I, I, if you don't have a big ladder right now.

• 41:48Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 41:49Travis McElroy?

  I would say it's time to start thrifting. And it's time to get out there to the yard sales. And it's time, because the thing, one of the things that really changed my life was about 15 years. About 15 years ago, right when I started being late for everything.

• 42:02Griffin McElroy?

  Wait a minute, it's not related. Okay, let us, let me Travis's side of it's related.

• 42:06Travis McElroy?

  No, no, no, because this is probably like seven years ago. Uh, I was, I was, uh, uh, living at that place on, you remember the place I used to live? Before this one. And my, uh, principal from elementary school, Ms. Scott, lived behind me.

• 42:20Griffin McElroy?

  Oh shit, I didn't know that.

• 42:22Travis McElroy?

  I know, it's crazy, right?

• 42:23Griffin McElroy?

  But she should have let me know. Throw this all like stinky old watermelons and fucking egg nasty Halloween eggs.

• 42:31Travis McElroy?

  I love Ms. Scott. She was incredible.

• 42:33Griffin McElroy?

  You gotta, Brett, you gotta as the principal though.

• 42:35Travis McElroy?

  She's an inspirational educator, man.

• 42:37Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, but it's a print, the, it's the principle of the thing.

• 42:41Travis McElroy?

  Anyway. Oh, damn it. Griffin convinced me with that one. She, she came up to my house and she said, Justin, uh, do you, I, I got a new ladder. Do you want my old ladder? And it was a really big ladder. It was a really tall ladder. So you're saying her new ladder was a step up? Shit, man, these things really write themselves. Yeah. That's really good. Uh, and I was like, it's a really big ladder. At first I was like, I don't know what I'm gonna do with this, but like, once you have a big ladder, you have really changed your options as a human being. Oh, yeah. A lot of up stuff.

• 43:12Travis McElroy?

  You've expanded the, the, the, the, the, uh, different applications, different territories. Yeah. That you have available to you as a person. You know what I mean? I assume it's how we got to powered flight, right? Is that at a certain point, the ladders can only get so high. And then we went, all right, so how do we get above that? Yeah. Let's put like a hundred years into figuring out planes. I just feel like there's certain things that you can get that make you start thinking of yourself in different ways. And a big ladder is one of them. Yes. Because you do, you are suddenly the kind of person that's just like, well, it's really high, but I know I can call Justin about that because he does have a big ladder.

• 43:56Travis McElroy?

  Justin can reach that. It's like having a pickup truck. Right? Where it's like suddenly you've entered into a new category of your friends. You're a small business. Yeah, you're useful now as a human being. Yeah, I felt that I had to buy for this, for the prom that we just wrapped up. Thank you, by the way, to everybody who came out and, and saw the show and said hi. Uh, and some people travel a long distance, so thank you. Uh, but I had to get a pair of really big, like, thick bolt cutting. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I gotta set of those. And, and then after I bought it, I was like, you know, now fences. Yes. Aren't really. Anything.

• 44:35Travis McElroy?

  A problem for me anymore. Like, if I ran into a fence, I would momentarily be like, someone wants to keep me out of here. But then I would think about, I actually have a ladder and bolt cutters. So like. Anywhere is available. Chainsaw, chainsaw did that for me. I look at trees now and I'm like, you think you're so fucking hot? Temporary problem. I'm the guy on my hill that cuts the trees in half when they fall across the road. I got a chainsaw. When you're at the, when you're walking through the aisles of the Lowe's, it's like you are in a metroidvania, only all the shit is just kind of like right there. And you can grab it and access any of the, any of the sort of backtracking spots. That that you need to in one The number of times I've just stopped and longingly stared in like the big sledgehammer or like hatchet section.

• 45:18Travis McElroy?

  And I'm like, I don't have any need for those, but how powerful would I feel knowing? Yeah. I have big, powerful hatchet. It's why it's where you have to be careful and it is why. If I may speak on it. Please. It is why submarine is such a threat for rich man, because the thing is. Yeah. You decide you deserve to be in water and you desire, you desire to move through the water unabated. You desire to increase your skill set to can plumb the depths. Right. And I understand it. You want to have full coverage. Like, I get it, rich man. You don't have to be that rich. Don't get me wrong. You gotta be rich, but to have a private plane, you gotta be super rich to have a private submarine. Super rich. Yeah.

• 46:01Travis McElroy?

  And I do think there's a certain amount of wealth that should be considered a mental illness. Sure. Yeah, obviously. If you're rich enough that you're investing in, say, your own private submarine. Right. Your image should be considered mental illness.

• 46:13Griffin McElroy?

  Also, though, if you do it in a certain way, an incredibly philanthropic exercise, because you're gonna give all your money away. It technically, technically legally.

• 46:23Travis McElroy?

  Yeah. To your dirtbag kids. But listen, the thing is. I understand when I go to the top of house with ladder and I think, here I am. Yeah. I'm above house. Cool. I understand this. I understand the fury of looking into ground and thinking, I wish to go deeper. Yeah. But you can't. I don't have tools available to me to go deeper. I have big drill or something. I wish I could have big drill. I understand Oak Island. They wish to go down. They wish to go down. Go up, easy. Go down sideways. Anyone can go sideways. Anyone can go sideways. Give me up, give me down. Balloon boy goes up. I wish to go down. Go up. I'll tell you what, all I need, what I know is I love the idea of a submersible.

• 47:06Travis McElroy?

  But all I really need is like the old Disney World, uh, 20. Leagues under the sea rine where I just need to be convinced.

• 47:13Griffin McElroy?

  Under the water.

• 47:14Travis McElroy?

  I just need to be convinced I've gone into a deep sea submersible and then I can see animatronic fish and octopi. This, that's what you need. You gotta remember because this is a bad monkey part of your brain that's telling you, you need to go down. Cause it's easily tricked. You can sit in this 20,000 leagues ride and just fold your arms and think, yes, I am.

• 47:31Griffin McElroy?

  Glass bottom boat.

• 47:31Travis McElroy?

  I'm in the ocean. I am king of ocean.

• 47:33Griffin McElroy?

  Glass bottom boat and my monkey voice like fucking chills.

• 47:39Travis McElroy?

  Let me sleep in a chamber for four hours and tell me I'm decompressing as I move deep down. But really I've just gone below some gross green murky water.

• 47:46Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:47Travis McElroy?

  And then I see maybe someone in a mermaid costume swimming around. Why it's so easy to trick people into thinking they've been cryogenically frozen.

• 47:54Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 47:54Travis McElroy?

  Because that means they've traveled through time and they think, ah, yes, just as it should be. I've mastered the waves of time.

• 48:00Griffin McElroy?

  Travis.

• 48:01Travis McElroy?

  I've traveled through them.

• 48:01Griffin McElroy?

  Travis mentioning the origins of flight made me think of there's uh, here at the air and space museum. Uh, there is a section that is dedicated to obviously the Wright brothers and them sort of getting, getting that thing up and off the ground. No pun intended. And there's also a section in there that is full of people. Who I guess were sort of self-styled comedians at the time, coming up with their own fanciful uh, designs.

• 48:26Travis McElroy?

  Prop comedians, literally.

• 48:27Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah, quite. Yeah. Again, propeller comedians. A lot of, a lot of puns this episode. I do want to apologize on behalf of all three of us. But it's comedians and it's designs of their like fucking bullshit Red Bull. Uh, you know, flight contest like, oh sure, you want to fly? Here's one. It's got 20 birds tied to it. Uh, thinking these assholes are trying to come up with something that will never happen and they're just trying to rip everyone off. And then all of a sudden, the Wright brothers did eventually get it right. They, these people should have their own wing of the museum. That's like the world's biggest dumbest assholes wing. Uh, of the comedians who said it would never happen. I'm saying they don't go hard enough on these people.

• 49:09Travis McElroy?

  Wait, on the people who. Didn't believe in the Wright Brothers?

• 49:12Griffin McElroy?

  The comedians who were shooting their shot at the Wright Brothers thinking this is easy comedy because these assholes are trying to fly. And the Bible says we cannot do that. Uh, but then.

• 49:25Travis McElroy?

  No longer allowed to joke about people who are more important and will have a bigger impact on history than us. The McQuarrie Brothers are going to find themselves out of work pretty quick. Well, that's like, we let history do that, Justin. You don't have to, like, in our lifetime, we won't know what a huge failure.

• 49:41Griffin McElroy?

  We also.

• 49:42Travis McElroy?

  Understand we're writing history. We also. We're living history.

• 49:45Griffin McElroy?

  We also hedge our bets quite a bit when it comes to new technologies and the exciting applications of those technologies. We are, we do not judge. We wait to see who is, when the dust settles.

• 49:58Travis McElroy?

  Where the money is.

• 49:59Griffin McElroy?

  Where the money is at.

• 50:01Travis McElroy?

  There's one thing the McQuarrie Brothers are into and it's getting fucking paid.

• 50:05Griffin McElroy?

  Getting paid by tech.

• 50:09Travis McElroy?

  By tech. By Big Pharma.

• 50:18Griffin McElroy?

  Sorry, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

• 50:24Griffin McElroy?

  The fuck's going on, man?

• 50:26Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, exactly. That's exactly where I want your head to be at. Oh. Pizza Hut unveils a new lineup of over the top pizzas and. Like the movie with arm wrestling? So they're not really that funny. This is what they're calling their lovers pizzas, like pepperoni lovers, meat lovers, veggie lovers. They got a new one. Meat toppers. So this is really one I want to talk about. I'm glad that got Griffin.

• 50:53Travis McElroy?

  Pizza Hut is hooking up pizza lovers with more of what they love this summer with the launch of the Hut Lovers pizzas. A limited time lineup of four over the top pizzas, each piled high with premium toppings priced at $12.99 for one large pizza.

• 51:07Griffin McElroy?

  Good.

• 51:08Travis McElroy?

  Pizza Hut's delivering more of what fans love, more toppings, more flavor, more good times for less.

• 51:12Griffin McElroy?

  Stinky dusty.

• 51:13Travis McElroy?

  Hut Lovers pizzas are here to prove that legendary pizza doesn't have to come with a large price tag. There's something for everyone in the Hut lovers pizzas, including.

• 51:21Griffin McElroy?

  Can I tell you guys, I'm sorry to interrupt Justin. I never do that, but you know how oftentimes people will talk about the words that like ick them out?

• 51:29Travis McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:29Griffin McElroy?

  There's something about lover in a non romantic context.

• 51:33Travis McElroy?

  Sure.

• 51:33Griffin McElroy?

  That really just skeeves me right to the bone.

• 51:36Travis McElroy?

  You're in for a rough.

• 51:37Griffin McElroy?

  Oh.

• 51:38Travis McElroy?

  It's odd. There's something for everyone with the Hut lovers pizza, including pineapple lovers.

• 51:44Travis McElroy?

  According to Pizza Hut's 2025 Pizza Trends Report, thirty eight percent of pizza fans proudly chose pineapple as their favorite topping.

• 51:56Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 51:58Travis McElroy?

  Huh.

• 51:58Griffin McElroy?

  This is a, this is a, this is a loud, a loud.

• 52:02Travis McElroy?

  Thirty eight percent?

• 52:05Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:05Travis McElroy?

  As their favorite?

• 52:07Griffin McElroy?

  Okay, but Justin, you've got to think about like survivorship bias. You've got to think about these. But this is the problem. Everybody reads polls and they get the data and they think this means something huge and vital.

• 52:17Travis McElroy?

  This means something. We're falling apart.

• 52:19Griffin McElroy?

  Or.

• 52:19Travis McElroy?

  I felt so good about this country lately.

• 52:22Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 52:22Travis McElroy?

  And this is like really starting to fuck with.

• 52:24Griffin McElroy?

  Was that exclusively the US of A? Because it's.

• 52:28Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, this country where that we live in.

• 52:30Griffin McElroy?

  You.

• 52:30Travis McElroy?

  This is hard.

• 52:31Griffin McElroy?

  That's people, that's spite. That's people fucking with Pizza Hut.

• 52:34Travis McElroy?

  I feel like it's people trying to ruin data. We can't have any truth anymore.

• 52:41Griffin McElroy?

  And this is where you're drawing the, this is what, this is the line most.

• 52:44Travis McElroy?

  Thirty eight percent?

• 52:46Griffin McElroy?

  But imagine.

• 52:46Travis McElroy?

  Over a third of people say pineapple is their favorite?

• 52:51Griffin McElroy?

  Imagine you're a you and you get an email from Pizza Hut that says, hey, we'd like you to participate in a brief survey. You're not opening that email, but if you're one of these pineapples, guys, and you think like, I gotta find ways to push the, push the envelope, push the cause, you're gonna jump at every opportunity you can to over represent yourself.

• 53:11Travis McElroy?

  I also am just gonna, uh, just preempt. If you're like sitting down right now that you.

• 53:15Griffin McElroy?

  Email us about how great pineapple is and how you love pineapple pizza. That's fine. You're allowed to like that, but you must recognize that you are not in a thirty eight percent section of the country that thinks that.

• 53:26Travis McElroy?

  That's what should trouble you more is you're losing a little bit of like, there's one thing that people who like pineapple on pizza love to talk about. And it's pineapple on pizza. They go out for it because they're so iconoclastic.

• 53:39Griffin McElroy?

  They actually so hard. They actually so actually, I like pineapple on pizza. So hard. They let the conversation go on for like ten minutes about how bad pineapple pizza is as they sit there just charging up to go, actually.

• 53:54Travis McElroy?

  Um, but the reason I wanted to have, the, the reason I'm floating is like, I feel like I am no longer in touch because as we've been with more adults. Ordering pizza, like as we've started to order pizza at shows, I've noticed that like Griffin gets cheese pizzas at the shows. And it's, he's still done it even though I've razzed him about it previously, apparently on shows and he keeps doing it. And I don't know what I can do to.

• 54:19Griffin McElroy?

  How am I doing on pizza toppings and stuff? Just to check in as long as.

• 54:22Travis McElroy?

  Absolutely so wretched that there's no hope. I keep hoping I could prod Griffin into tossing the pepperoni on there or something.

• 54:28Griffin McElroy?

  I have sausage, onion and pepper. What are you talking about?

• 54:32Travis McElroy?

  No, no, you're, you're, no, no, Travis, I'm sorry. You're perfect.

• 54:36Griffin McElroy?

  Thank you.

• 54:37Travis McElroy?

  You don't need to change anything. Sausage pepper, sausage pepper and onion is the best. Sausage pepperoni, onion and peppers also quite good.

• 54:45Griffin McElroy?

  How much shit do you fucking need on your food? Pizza has so much, pizza has so much shit on it already. It's got cheese and sauce and bread and spices and. I guess that's.

• 54:58Travis McElroy?

  So you're, you take a monastic approach to pizza is what you're saying where you say, this is all I need more than this would be too much.

• 55:06Griffin McElroy?

  If you sat down to make a pizza, first of all, stand up. Don't sit down to make pizza. That's crazy. Why are you making pizza on the floor, man? But if you're making a pizza.

• 55:16Travis McElroy?

  It's where my pizza stone is.

• 55:17Griffin McElroy?

  The part where you make the pizza is gonna take you ninety six percent of the time you're gonna spend making that pizza. The four percent remainder is when you slop a few fucking discs of hog meat on there and then you say, and then you say like, this is the, this is what it's all really about.

• 55:35Travis McElroy?

  So confused what your point is. Yes. This is like even wilder than some of the wilder things that Travis is saying. Thank you. Griffin, you are so gone. You're so gone. It's like, yeah, making bread. Like, what is your, your target pepperoni? Making a sandwich, but you don't just eat the fucking bread. Yeah, it's like part of the experience. I don't want to talk about cheese pizza, though. It's fine. I want to ask you guys this. Yeah. How many people's pizza orders do you know right now by heart?

• 56:01Griffin McElroy?

  Cheese, cheese, cheese. This house is, as for me and my house.

• 56:04Travis McElroy?

  Cheese house?

• 56:05Griffin McElroy?

  As for me and my house.

• 56:06Travis McElroy?

  I can understand for the simplicity. I know my children like cheese because they're children. Teresa and I both like sausage, onion and pepper. Uh, Griffin likes cheese. Yeah. And Rachel Jacobs, our editor, likes pizza with veggies on it. That's all I've got. I know my, uh, okay, Cooper likes sauce and sausage, no cheese. Charlie likes cheese, no sauce.

• 56:30Griffin McElroy?

  Oh, what a fun, what a fun combo you got.

• 56:32Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, you can get a half and half on a pizza. That feels like a mystery shopper order that you're placing every time you order pizza.

• 56:38Griffin McElroy?

  Feels like a prank.

• 56:39Travis McElroy?

  Every time I order pizza, I have to open it to see if they thought I was kidding or.

• 56:42Griffin McElroy?

  You have to inform that it is not a, a non pizza left beef situation.

• 56:47Travis McElroy?

  Yeah, I, uh, I know Tommy gets mushroom, onion, pepperoni sausage because I remember it. Four is insane. That's four toppings. Mops, mushroom, onion, pepperoni sausage, mops. That's crazy, man. He's a big guy, though.

• 57:01Griffin McElroy?

  Yeah.

• 57:02Travis McElroy?

  And he's got a big hunger.

• 57:04Griffin McElroy?

  Big hunger, big pizza. There's a reason they charge extra for more than like one or two toppings.

• 57:09Travis McElroy?

  It's better.

• 57:10Griffin McElroy?

  Tastes better, yeah.

• 57:11Travis McElroy?

  Like, they don't charge extra to make things worse. Wait, actually, Griffin, I'm really sorry we cut you off because I feel like you were building to one of the dumber things you ever said. I, I feel sorry that we cut off your mentor.

• 57:21Griffin McElroy?

  More because you're not supposed to do it. It's a punishment. It's a, it's a, it's a fee, a tax, a tariff that you are paying for your, for your greed.

• 57:31Travis McElroy?

  It's a tariff.

• 57:35Travis McElroy?

  Here's the one thing, though. If you don't eat pepperoni on your pizza, your average annual pepperoni consumption absolutely plummets through the fucking mantle of the earth, man. You, if I'm not eating pepperoni- They don't come up randomly a lot. They do not show up on my meals without me hunting them down now that they're not my- Unless you're at a bad salad buffet and then it's like, well, this will help. Hey, everybody, thanks to- God damn it! Oh, my god. Thanks to everybody who came out to Columbus for the Columbus shows. They were nice as well. Those shows in the silence were great. Dad became best friends with everybody. Thank you, everybody who came out and talked to our dad. He needs this. Thank you so much.

• 58:17Travis McElroy?

  Um, next up, we're gonna be in Anaheim, uh, doing a Dadlands with Brendan Lee Mulligan running down, and my brother, my brother and me. And we're gonna be in Sacramento doing another My Brother, My Brother and Me. Uh, also coming up, we're gonna be in Texas, Georgia, and Utah. Uh, all Taz shows will be Taz versus, except for Anaheim, which will be Dadlands. Uh, you can find out the dates and get tickets and all the info at bit.ly/macaroytours.

• 58:41Griffin McElroy?

  Um, we got some new merch up in the merch store for you to go and check out. Uh, there's a 20 Thunder Drive pen, uh, that is shimmering and beautiful and strong. Uh, there's a bunch of other stuff over at macaroymerch.com as well. And 10% of all merch proceeds this month will be donated to the Immigrant Defenders Law Center, which provides full-scale deportation, defense, legal representation, legal education, and social services to approximately 30,000 children and adults annually. Uh, also, hey, thanks to Montane for the use of our theme song, My Life is Better With You. Montane has a new album out called It's Hard to Be a Fish. Uh, I listened to it while we were traveling last week, and I fucking love it. And I bet you will, too. So get it wherever fine music is sold and distributed. Thank you, Montane.

• 59:26Travis McElroy?

  Justin, you wanna read the fear this week? Uh, thank you, Travis. I'd love to do that. Flattering. Appreciate that. Thank you. You're welcome. This year, I vow to be faster than my fear of being tweeted about by Tony Hawk for not recognizing him in public. My name is Justin Macaroy. I'm Travis Macaroy.

• 59:46Griffin McElroy?

  I'm Griffin Macaroy.

• 59:47Travis McElroy?

  This has been My Brother, My Brother and Me. Kiss your dad square on the lips.

• 59:53Speaker 01

  It's better with you. My life, ah. It's better, it's better with you. It's better with you. My life, ah. It's better, it's better with you. Is it true? Ah. It's better, it's better with you. My life, ah. It's better with you. Maximum Fun.

• 1:00:24Speaker 05

  A worker-owned network of artist-owned shows. Supported directly by you.