Percy Pig Addiction, A Hot Baker and A Missing Arsenal Ticket

Is Tom’s Percy Pigs habit now officially out of control? And what happens when Rom leaves his phone (and his Arsenal ticket) at home? This week on Wolf & Owl, Rom and Tom roleplay a very awkward chance meeting with Steven Bartlett, trade secrets on the perfect roast potato, and find out whether Tom’s idea of a family day out at Westfield was a bit too much fun. Send your questions and queries to [email protected] A Ranga Bee Production. Chapters: 00:00 Intro05:04 Tom’s Percy Pigs addiction10:11 Is food fuel or joy?11:11 The secret to a perfect roast potato13:14 Fry-up standards19:23 Romesh’s Steven Bartlett podcast experience29:04 Romesh’s Arsenal day36:14 Romesh is a traitor38:47 Tom’s weekend of kids’ birthday parties40:49 Westfield Saturday night43:21 The lingerie table incident45:22 Tom feels like a kid again50:02 Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Do you want me to let you finish chewing?

• 0:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, quite. It's a nice bit of food though. Oh, pepper. Percy, I could keep on calling them pepper pigs.

• 0:08Speaker 00

  Um, Percy pigs are delicious.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:12Speaker 00

  There's a, there's a bakery, I think it's in Arizona.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Right.

• 0:17Speaker 00

  Called Sablay or something like that.

• 0:20Speaker 01

  Right.

• 0:20Speaker 00

  And it's gone viral because the chef is like very good looking.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:26Speaker 00

  But what they do is people are queuing up there from four o'clock in the morning.

• 0:29Speaker 01

  To see the chef?

• 0:30Speaker 00

  No, to eat his food, to eat his pastries. And he opens up the window and he goes, hey guys. He's like, he's like really lent into the whole.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  He's handsome, he's cool.

• 0:40Speaker 00

  Let's have a look. I think you might have found him.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  He's not as good looking as I thought. I thought he was gonna be more like Joey and friends.

• 1:03Speaker 00

  Forty-five seconds ago, you didn't know that man existed.

• 1:05Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 1:05Speaker 00

  And now you've allowed yourself to be disappointed in him physically.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 1:09Speaker 00

  And, and I think this is the problem with society.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  No, can I just say, the way you bigged, the way you bigged him up, I was expecting to go, wow. And then I'd be thinking about him all day.

• 1:19Speaker 00

  Okay, but can I just say?

• 1:21Speaker 01

  If I saw him walk past on the street, okay.

• 1:23Speaker 00

  Tom, I didn't say that I thought he was really fuckable, all right?

• 1:26Speaker 01

  No, he's a really fuckable.

• 1:27Speaker 00

  I said he's a good looking guy.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  You said he's a really good looking guy.

• 1:29Speaker 00

  Did I say really good looking?

• 1:30Speaker 01

  He did say really good looking. I'm pretty sure you said really.

• 1:33Speaker 00

  Okay, fine. I said really good looking. So, but, but what I mean by that is, he's really good looking for somebody that runs a bakery.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, but.

• 1:41Speaker 00

  No disrespect to Sean Coughlin, but, but the point, look, what I'm saying is.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  That's a nicer picture of him, but that picture's doing a lot of heavy lifting. The, the.

• 1:51Speaker 00

  I agree. Without the picture, he wouldn't look as good. You're right.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  No, I'm saying.

• 1:54Speaker 00

  He's doing all the lifting, isn't he?

• 1:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, the picture, no, but if I saw that picture.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Do you mean the lighting?

• 1:58Speaker 01

  The lighting, yeah.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  He's, he's doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

• 2:01Speaker 00

  There is a, there are photos circulating of him without the tan and with a different haircut.

• 2:06Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:07Speaker 00

  And I would say that the.

• 2:08Speaker 01

  And he's butters.

• 2:08Speaker 00

  The polish, it's not butters, but the polish is doing a lot of work there.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  But now he's, so he's lent into the fact he's handsome.

• 2:14Speaker 00

  Welcome to the manosphere with, uh, Roman Tom. We're looking at this ugly fuck who thinks he's good looking.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  No, look, I'm.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  Luckily, we are handsome, so we are in a really secure position to cast aspersions on how ugly this motherfucker is.

• 2:29Speaker 01

  I'm not saying he's ugly, but I'm saying if he's pitched his whole business around being really handsome.

• 2:32Speaker 00

  No, okay. Well, this is where, what you're doing is you're imprinting. He hasn't pitched his whole business on this. The guy's just opened a bakery.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:39Speaker 00

  And that is, and now people have said.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  I can imagine that he's, he knows he's handsome-ish, right? People have told him he's good looking. I bet he was a lead part in all the school plays.

• 2:48Speaker 00

  Maybe, but, but what, I don't think what he's done is he's gone, I'm really hot. This bakery is gonna ride or die on the, on how good looking.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  I think when you're hot, you know that a certain amount of your income and a certain amount of your, like, what you bring to the world. I think he's, he, he must know he's handsome-ish.

• 3:06Speaker 00

  Well, I mean, if you're reading, if he's reading the comments, I mean, there's people losing their shit about him.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Just like Jamie Oliver. I remember when Jamie Oliver first came out, loads of people thought Jamie Oliver was wonderful.

• 3:14Speaker 00

  Those days are longer, aren't they, Jamie? No, I'm joking. Jamie looks hotter than he ever has done. I had him on the, on the other podcast.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  I know, yeah. I watched it. No, I do what, you know I watch it.

• 3:22Speaker 00

  I know, I know.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  I come here all the time.

• 3:23Speaker 00

  Anyway, the point I was.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  Misconception, by the way, can I say, great interviews.

• 3:27Speaker 00

  Thanks.

• 3:27Speaker 01

  I actually genuinely think you've got a Parkinson vibe to you. Michael Parkinson.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  Oh, right. Okay, you mean Michael Parkinson. You know, um.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  I think you're inquisitive, you're humorous.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. Deal with interruptions well?

• 3:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:41Speaker 00

  Wonder where I learnt that?

• 3:43Speaker 00

  Anyway, the point I was gonna make is, couple of points.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  So that guy.

• 4:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  They do like five pastries every day that they work on through the night.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:53Speaker 00

  People queue up from four in the morning.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:55Speaker 00

  Okay. And then he'll open the window and he'll go, morning, thank you so much for joining us. And he'll do that kind of.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  X Factor style thing where who would have thought little old us would connect with the Gilbert community in the way that we have done. Thank you so much and da, da, da. And then he says, it's our honour to feed you.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  Wow, okay.

• 5:15Speaker 00

  Now, or something along those lines.

• 5:18Speaker 01

  It's our honour to feed you.

• 5:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's an honour to feed you. Now, feed.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  I know that he's making stuff to eat.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:25Speaker 00

  I don't know if a thirty-five dollar blueberry pastry.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  How much?

• 5:31Speaker 00

  Something like that. I think it's something like that. I don't know if that counts as feed. You're not eating that because you're hungry.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  No.

• 5:37Speaker 00

  Right? So, so to me, the word feed.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:41Speaker 00

  It's sort of, I know it sounds weird, it is food.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:44Speaker 00

  But you're not eating that for nourishment. That, that is a, so the thing of like.

• 5:48Speaker 01

  It's a treat.

• 5:49Speaker 00

  What he's saying is there's a queue of people who we are nourishing.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:52Speaker 00

  That's not what's happening. Do you know what I mean?

• 5:54Speaker 01

  So that's a treat. He should be, it's an honour to treat you.

• 5:57Speaker 00

  And that whole digression came because you described those sweets as food. That's where this, this line of thought goes. Because sweets aren't food, are they? I mean, they are food, but they're not.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I'm, I'm relying on them too much. By the way.

• 6:09Speaker 00

  In what way are you relying on them too much?

• 6:11Speaker 01

  I, I, I have to have them every day. It's an addiction now. Do you know, I, I, I came home, I've, I've been away filming, I came home.

• 6:18Speaker 00

  Can we get some sad music under this?

• 6:20Speaker 01

  I, I came home and there was four bags of half-eaten Percy pigs in my, in my, in my backpack. Catherine's like, what's going on? I thought I can't leave these things alone. And these are, they're the ones I haven't finished yet.

• 6:33Speaker 00

  Can you talk me through how you've got four half-bags?

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Because I forget, I forgot that I had them in, or I like the different flavours. I can, I can amuse bush of different Percy pigs.

• 6:43Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean? They keep on bringing out different ones.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  Again, I would urge you, as a little bit of homework, look into what a moose bush means.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Oh, no, really?

• 6:50Speaker 00

  I think you mean smorgasbord.

• 6:53Speaker 01

  What's an amuse bush then?

• 6:54Speaker 00

  The amuse bush is something you have before the meal to kind of get your mouth ready to be tasting stuff.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 6:58Speaker 00

  To amuse the mouth.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 7:00Speaker 00

  As it were.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much like Danny or Clive or whatever his name is.

• 7:04Speaker 00

  We really are. We really are. This podcast really is. Both of them are thick. One of them thinks he's less thick than the other one.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  I don't think I'm less thick than you.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  This baker, bakery guy though.

• 7:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  So he's making a killing with his, is he gonna go?

• 7:20Speaker 00

  I don't know. I don't, I don't, I don't know what the margins are. He, he, he does a lot of deep, you know, it's the thing with these, with products now.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:27Speaker 00

  Stuff like this is the still, everybody loves a story, right?

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:30Speaker 00

  So he's like this passionate guy that wanted to bring high-end, you know, bake patisserie to this area.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  By the way, croissants are croissants. I'm sorry.

• 7:39Speaker 00

  Okay, but I agree with.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  I, I think you get too high-end and you're like, what are you doing with it? A good croissant, can I say, nothing worse than a soft croissant. A soft croissant.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  So a croissant isn't a croissant then?

• 7:50Speaker 01

  You know, you get a soft croissant.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  Right, so there are bad croissants.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Starbucks do them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but they're the shit ones. They're just, they're soft to the touch.

• 7:58Speaker 00

  Right.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  They're spongy. You need a crisp.

• 8:00Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  Cafe Nero. Great croissant.

• 8:04Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's good to get some connoisseur's insight into this.

• 8:06Speaker 01

  No, but.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  Cafe Nero? Where do I get one of those? You have to, you have to knock on the door, there's a password.

• 8:14Speaker 00

  Fucking hell, Tom, stop gatekeeping. Cafe Nero, you say?

• 8:21Speaker 00

  Do you know what? This is the go-to podcast for all you underground pastry heads. We are giving you the tips and secrets that you will not find anywhere else. Apparently, for all you mainstream cocks that are going to Starbucks, you should be going to Cafe Nero, like the real connoisseurs.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, also, I can never understand what people, what's happened with croissants, right? That people now, uh, have them without butter and jam or marmalade. They just have them without anything in.

• 8:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, what's wrong with that?

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Because it was never invented for that. The whole thing was you could chew.

• 8:55Speaker 00

  I don't think they were invented for marmalade.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  They were invented to put jams and butters in.

• 9:00Speaker 00

  Paddington didn't invent the croissant.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  No, but it's a mad thing. When I see, see people eating like a croissant with nothing in it.

• 9:06Speaker 00

  Right.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Because they can't be bothered to slice it and then just a little bit of butter.

• 9:10Speaker 00

  I don't think it's because they can't be bothered. I think it's like, um, having a whiskey and coke. People, people think that the coke is, is polluting this beautiful whiskey, not with Jack Daniels.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 9:21Speaker 00

  I think that's a little bit what it is with the croissant.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  What, you think about, about a nice bit of marmalade? Can I say, marmalade is just the best. I've really got into marmalade recently.

• 9:32Speaker 00

  Honestly, I don't know if we're gonna need to have some ice with this podcast, because these takes are fucking roasting hot. So you're saying cafe Nero for croissants and marmalade is good.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  Marmalade, yeah, it's marmalade season, isn't it?

• 9:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, is it marmalade season?

• 9:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, yeah. Oranges are out, right?

• 9:50Speaker 00

  Oranges are out?

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, orange, it's orange.

• 9:52Speaker 00

  I don't know, I don't know. I can't be sceptical about this.

• 9:54Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. The local person near me is doing their own homemade marmalade. Very good. Seville oranges, very good.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  So what are you having marmalade on?

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Croissants, crumpets.

• 10:06Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  I have it in some yogurt sometimes, just to stir it up until you.

• 10:09Speaker 00

  Do you remember the days where you said all you could eat was boiled chicken? It's, it's, those are the heady days compared to where you're at now.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  Oh, mate.

• 10:15Speaker 00

  You're addicted to Percy Pigs, you're buying four bags a day. You, marmalade is in your life in a heavy way. I, I don't know what the, we're not, when you first announced these rules to me, they felt pretty rigid. Now you're fucking, I don't know, you're living like a nine-year-old.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Nine-year-old bear. Um, it's, uh, yeah, yeah, but, yeah, that's me. I do thi, I can't do things. I'm, I'm a man of extremes.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  Right.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  I can't, yeah. You can only keep me down for so long just eating boiled chicken and rice. I did do that for a while.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  I didn't feel good about it.

• 10:47Speaker 00

  No.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  I don't, this is more me.

• 10:50Speaker 00

  Joel Dommett was telling me that he tried clean eating for, completely clean, as in not, nothing processed. And he said he felt amazing. Did you feel amazing when you were on your restricted?

• 11:00Speaker 01

  No, I, I like, there's other, I, I love food. I love a good beef burger. I love ice cream.

• 11:06Speaker 00

  Do you think there is, there are two types of food lover? Uh, uh, uh, more than two?

• 11:12Speaker 01

  I think there's people who look at food as fuel, like Joel Dommett.

• 11:15Speaker 00

  This is, by the way, I've been watching King of Queens recently. That is a direct quote.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  What?

• 11:20Speaker 00

  You look at food like, as fuel.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, some, but people do.

• 11:23Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  Right. I look at food as, it's like, it's, like, it's the, it's probably the, the ten poles of my day, the meals.

• 11:31Speaker 00

  Yeah. Another hot take. Tom is eating every day.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  No.

• 11:35Speaker 00

  In case you thought he was casual about it, the, his days often incorporate one, sometimes more meal times.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  No, can I say, what I mean is, it's the highlight of it.

• 11:46Speaker 00

  As in your day is built up to.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  I, I look forward to a meal so much.

• 11:50Speaker 00

  Got you.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  And I don't wanna have any more wasted meals.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  What does that mean?

• 11:53Speaker 01

  You know, when you just have something and you're just going, yeah.

• 11:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, I get it.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I, I love, I love nothing more than, went out for a lovely roast dinner the other day, absolute joys, lovely.

• 12:02Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  High-fived everyone, went out, left, left so happy. Good roast dinner. Can I say, easy, easy scoring opportunity for any chef in a, doing a roast. Potatoes, get the potatoes on track, everything else falls into place.

• 12:15Speaker 00

  Fucking hell. Chefs, I hope you're listening. Um, anybody that's hoping to put, we really are getting, fuck me, I, I don't know if we're gonna have to put this behind a paywall. I don't know if these industry secrets could be released to the public.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Could I say, right?

• 12:28Speaker 00

  So you're saying roast potatoes are quite important for a roast dinner?

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Could I say, the amount of times you go for a roast dinner and it falls down on a, uh, the potato. Potato's not cooked enough, it's not crispy enough.

• 12:37Speaker 00

  How are you making your roast potatoes? Essentially, you, you fry them, I imagine, right?

• 12:40Speaker 01

  No, no, no, in a, in a really hot oil, yeah.

• 12:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, lots of oil.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, sometimes gives fat. Yeah, no, no, not lots of oil.

• 12:45Speaker 00

  When people go to, a little bit of a secret with my roast potatoes, they taste really good, they get.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  Go and give them a bit of a.

• 12:51Speaker 00

  How do you do them? Oh, you fill, uh, you fill a baking tray with oil. You, you fill it and then you douse the top of it, stick them in the oven, they come out beautiful. Yeah, I bet they fucking do.

• 13:03Speaker 01

  There's so many chefs that don't do it. I've, I've been for probably three or four roasts now that autumn's here. And the amount of time, I'm just disappointed by the potatoes.

• 13:10Speaker 00

  Lisa's such a health nut. When she's doing roast potatoes, outcomes are spray.

• 13:13Speaker 01

  Um, the spray can fuck itself. Can I say, by the way, they put a really long fucking wire in it, or a long thing to, to spray through. So it doubles back on itself. Yeah, now and again, I've been known to use it for, for, for fried stuff in a pan.

• 13:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you can just snip the, you can snip it.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, but what, fucking, that's, that's, it's like, it's like the bottle tops all over again.

• 13:32Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  It's a, it's, that's more work for me.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  It's like whoever's inventing this stuff needs to have a word with himself.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  Right.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  I, I like the spray for certain stuff.

• 13:40Speaker 00

  Okay. Um, but the, when you said some people see food as fuel.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Like Joel Dommett, right, is a beautiful specimen, right? He looks incredible and I'm, but like, eating is one of my biggest joys.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  I, when I was on a really refined, like a really hardcore, this is your diet, I found it very, very taxing.

• 13:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  I'd look around and see people.

• 14:00Speaker 00

  Didn't you?

• 14:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I had to, it's life and death.

• 14:02Speaker 00

  You're a good boy. You're a good boy.

• 14:08Speaker 00

  Now, my question to you is, um, that I, I think, rough count, I'm on my sixth attempt of asking.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:15Speaker 00

  Is, in terms of enjoying food.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:18Speaker 00

  There are some people, like, say for example, we went for dinner after this, right?

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Which I think we are.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  Yeah. So you've got a choice.

• 14:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:25Speaker 00

  Either we go to a greasy spoon.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:29Speaker 00

  Where they have like, imagine your ultimate thing, right?

• 14:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:33Speaker 00

  Whatever that, my ultimate version of fry up is. Or you have like a beautiful chicken breast that's been, you know, like flavoured beautifully. The question I'm asking you is, when you say you love food, do you just love big portions of different textures? Or are you actually a flavour guy? That's the question I'm asking.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  I like, yeah, well, yeah.

• 14:52Speaker 00

  Delicate. Would you like a delicate meal or a hefty one? Are you a hefty food lover?

• 14:55Speaker 01

  I love a good fry up.

• 14:56Speaker 00

  Right.

• 14:57Speaker 01

  In a good caf. And it has to be a good, like, felt like, like, um, what's the one that's one in, uh, Bethnal Green?

• 15:03Speaker 00

  Somebody's telling me, I don't know if you can verify this, Tom. Somebody's saying to me that a fry up often falls down on the bacon and eggs. Can you tell me what you're taking that as?

• 15:10Speaker 01

  I know you're being facetious.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  But it fucking does. You get bad scrambled eggs or shitty bacon.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  You scramble.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no. Can I say, by the way, it falls down on the sausage usually.

• 15:22Speaker 00

  Right, okay.

• 15:22Speaker 01

  Bad sausage.

• 15:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  You, everything else could be immaculate and it has a really terrible sausage. Same with vegetarians. I like a vegetarian sausage.

• 15:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  I think, I, I, yes, but I, if I'm honest, yeah.

• 15:34Speaker 00

  Big fan of the, have you tried a cauldron veggie sausage?

• 15:36Speaker 01

  I have, yeah. Are they quite mushroomy?

• 15:40Speaker 00

  If you get the mushroom ones, yeah. They're not, there, there's lots of different varieties.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  I might have to relook at these again.

• 15:45Speaker 00

  I'm a big fan.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I, all that new, all that really ritzy sort of delicate stuff, I'm not, I like, I like to feel full. And what I'm saying, like, I like, like, a good Chinese take on it.

• 15:56Speaker 00

  Yeah. But what I mean is, you'd rather have a big meal.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:59Speaker 00

  Of something, you'd rather have a big meal that tastes seven out of 10 than a tiny meal that tastes nine out of 10. That's true, isn't it?

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Yeah. But also, I like, I don't mind a cheap flavour. I just, what my point is, when people eat just for the fact of like, okay, I need to get this amount, like, of carb, carbs, this amount, yeah.

• 16:17Speaker 00

  All that shit, yeah.

• 16:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:18Speaker 00

  But then sometimes people go, you need to, you need to savour your food a bit more.

• 16:23Speaker 01

  I mean, yeah, I wolf it.

• 16:23Speaker 00

  Not you.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, no, but I, I wolf it down.

• 16:25Speaker 00

  But what I mean is, you know, like, if, if you bought a $35 blueberry thingy, or whatever, how much they cost.

• 16:33Speaker 00

  I think if you're spending that amount of money, you can't just guzzle it down.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  But then if you've queued for ages.

• 16:38Speaker 00

  You've got to like, you've got to be like.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  I, you'd have to take snacks for the queue, so you enjoyed the, the $35 muffin.

• 16:44Speaker 00

  You almost, I would say you almost don't wanna be hungry.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the pressure on that muffin is like being a Premier League footballer.

• 16:54Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Signing for a big price tag. That muffin at $35.

• 16:58Speaker 00

  I don't know if it's $35. Can we have a look, actually?

• 17:00Speaker 01

  How, yeah, but.

• 17:01Speaker 00

  How much is, what's a sablé price level?

• 17:03Speaker 01

  That's, that's gonna be, there's no muffin that I've ever had that's worth £35.

• 17:07Speaker 00

  No. But you're paying for the expertise, you're paying for that guy's speech, that's part of the cost.

• 17:10Speaker 01

  Also, if you're at the back of the line going, what did he say?

• 17:13Speaker 00

  You're paying for his hand.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  What's he saying? Or he's saying that he's really happy.

• 17:15Speaker 00

  Well, he's only really rewarding the people at the front of the queue.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:18Speaker 00

  Because they've got there at 4am.

• 17:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:20Speaker 00

  How much is a croissant?

• 17:21Speaker 02

  Croissant's $7.50.

• 17:22Speaker 00

  Okay, that's not so bad.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  That's not too bad.

• 17:24Speaker 00

  That's all right.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  That's what, $3.50 over here, conversion wise.

• 17:27Speaker 00

  I think it's probably more than that. Five quid, maybe?

• 17:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that's not far away from what you're paying for.

• 17:30Speaker 00

  That's what I think.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's not too, okay, croissant wise, that's okay.

• 17:33Speaker 00

  So you're on board with this guy?

• 17:34Speaker 01

  No, not on board with him, I'm just saying, but.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  I think it's a specialty item. It's not saying that a croissant's not a specialty item. But, you know, when they've like, drizzled a squirrel's gland over the top of it or whatever, that's when you're paying that much.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  Do you think he's still doing the hard yards in the bakery with everyone, or do you think it's a team and he just turns up?

• 17:49Speaker 00

  He's always talking about the team.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, but do you think he rocks up like a $3.45?

• 17:55Speaker 00

  He's always got a story about what happened the previous night.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  Really? No sense.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  I imagine it's a bit like doing this podcast, you think, fucking, what am I gonna say today? What happened? Anybody got any funny anecdotes from the bakery?

• 18:05Speaker 01

  How many funny things happen in a bakery?

• 18:08Speaker 00

  They had a problem with their refrigeration one night?

• 18:09Speaker 01

  That's not funny.

• 18:11Speaker 00

  It's not funny, but what I mean is like, he's, he's giving a bit of a narrative.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah.

• 18:15Speaker 00

  The way he said it was.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  He sounds like he's watched The Bear and he's got an erection over that and then he's fucking.

• 18:19Speaker 00

  He's had a bear erection. Okay, anyway, welcome to the Wolf and I podcast. We haven't introduced it yet. Uh, I'm the owl, Romesh Ranga Nathan.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  I'm the wolf, Tom Davis. Um, do you think, yeah, I think he's watched some sort of serial drama now he's really, but that's the big thing, by the way, with branding. Is that people now are doing these dramas and comedy content around a brand.

• 18:39Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  So like, me and Stan were talking about doing it for Mandrill.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  Uh, on the subject of Mandrill.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:45Speaker 00

  I had a box.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 18:47Speaker 00

  In my house.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:48Speaker 00

  And when I got home yesterday.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:49Speaker 00

  It said Rom Ranga on it.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:51Speaker 00

  I opened the box.

• 18:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:52Speaker 00

  Sour cherry and apple, I believe, electrolytes.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 18:55Speaker 00

  Watermelon electrolytes, my favourite, as you know. And then you, your new product, which I don't believe, it was relatively new to me anyway, the creatine.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  Yes. I threw in some creatine for you.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  Big bottle of creatine that I'd even asked for.

• 19:06Speaker 01

  No, I threw that in for you.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  That's really sweet.

• 19:08Speaker 01

  For you and, yeah, and the boy.

• 19:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, very nice.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  And Theo's into his.

• 19:12Speaker 00

  Yeah. So what, what do I do with that, Tom? On the instructions, it says, add it to my protein powder of choice.

• 19:17Speaker 01

  No, no, I have it in with my electrolytes in the morning.

• 19:19Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  It's very good. It's good for you, not just for your body, but for your brain.

• 19:23Speaker 00

  Right, yeah. Creatine is good for your brain.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's really, so, don't go too crazy on it, though.

• 19:29Speaker 00

  I just sort of thought, have we become, have we become, uh?

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Joe Rogan?

• 19:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:35Speaker 01

  No, no. But that's a new way of advertising. People are doing this whole thing where they put like, like him with putting a drama context on stuff. So it'd be like you sprinting in going, we're out bloody raisins, mate. And then, yeah, they try and find some raisins, someone else runs down, they get the camera on them, sprinting down, getting some, yeah.

• 19:54Speaker 00

  That's, that's what the, the new Mandrill advert is.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  No, no, no, the new Mandrill one, we're trying to work out what to do.

• 19:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. Pretty much me being like, oh bloody, we're out watermelon flavouring, fucking hell. And then, yeah.

• 20:05Speaker 00

  How hands-on are you, bearing in mind that you've just thrown shots at, um, Mr Sablé? What's your involvement in the manufacturing of Mandrill?

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Very little.

• 20:14Speaker 00

  Right.

• 20:14Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, we have a team that does, Stan does that. I mean, it's literally just me and Stan.

• 20:18Speaker 00

  Do, but do you do the thing like in The Apprentice where you're tasting different things?

• 20:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got two, we've got two new things that we're working on. One's really, really, I can't really, it's, it's under an NDA for me and Stan.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  But it's really exciting and we're just taste testing that at the moment. Very exciting.

• 20:38Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  So, yeah, I feel like, yeah, we're stepping into the Bartlett zone of, yeah. I know he's one of your close friends, but, um, yeah, we're, uh, we're.

• 20:47Speaker 00

  I did do his podcast, Tom, yes.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. Did you, do you keep in touch with him after? What happens when you do a podcast like that?

• 20:52Speaker 00

  I didn't speak to him before or after.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 20:56Speaker 00

  And Flo, I said this before, Flo was really worried because you don't get the power of veto on that podcast.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:01Speaker 00

  So if you say something embarrassing, they just keep it in or they'll like make it the trailer. So Flo phoned me on the way there because as you know, as John, unfortunately, and JT know to their cost, we like to say cancelable things on this podcast.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  We're idiots, yeah.

• 21:15Speaker 00

  We benefit from an edit. So, um, she was like, please, please bear in mind if you say something insane, I can't get it taken out.

• 21:23Speaker 01

  Did you say anything close to insane?

• 21:25Speaker 00

  No, not really. Although I'd love to be able to justify why I did it. I just thought this, they asked me to do it and I, and I, and I thought it was a massive podcast, so I'd go and do it. And then he, he gets really deep.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:38Speaker 00

  I don't think he was a fan and I'm not saying that as a horror, but there's no reason why I should be a fan, but I don't think he's particularly into my stuff. I think that he probably plugged the numbers into some sort of thing and it came back. This guy appears on three shows, worth the chat. And so got me in. He had no real, genuine interest in anything I did. Fine. I don't mind that. I'm not expecting anyone to have it, but what I'm, I'm just telling you, I think it's quite scientific is my impression.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's quite a scientific guy who strikes me.

• 22:02Speaker 00

  And then we never spoke to each other afterwards.

• 22:04Speaker 01

  But if you saw him in the street, you'd stop him for a chat?

• 22:08Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, it, it would go something like this. Is there any way of getting that taken down?

• 22:12Speaker 01

  I'm Stephen Bartlett, right?

• 22:14Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  Oh, these croissants are fucking delicious. I can't wait to get them home.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  He's on his bike.

• 22:22Speaker 00

  Oh, okay. I was gonna say, because it looks like you're in a boat.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  He's on his bike going through Soho.

• 22:30Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 22:32Speaker 00

  Can I just stop this role play? If I saw Stephen Bartlett riding past on a bike, I'm not going to fucking speak to him. I, I've already said to you, I'm not sure what the chat would be if I walked past him in the street. Do you think I'm gonna hail Stephen? Oh, Stephen, Stephen. Let's, okay, let's do it.

• 22:46Speaker 01

  Right, okay. No, no, no. I think you're right because you wouldn't do that and we need this to be realistic. Okay? So you're on Berwick Street, Berwick Street Market, right?

• 22:54Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  You've just come out of one of your big meetings, right?

• 23:01Speaker 01

  He's locking his bike up.

• 23:02Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  So now he's walking past you.

• 23:09Speaker 00

  Oh, hi Stephen.

• 23:10Speaker 01

  Oh, um, Ramesh, Ramesh Frankenethen.

• 23:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Oh man, I haven't seen you since the podcast.

• 23:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  Oh, that was a good podcast. Really enjoyed that one.

• 23:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. Good.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  You're great.

• 23:20Speaker 00

  How's the podcast going?

• 23:21Speaker 01

  Did I text you and say how great you were?

• 23:22Speaker 00

  No.

• 23:22Speaker 01

  Uh, it's good. Obviously coming around a bit of, uh, yeah, some backfiring, but that's what happens when you become a legend. I assume you know what I mean.

• 23:29Speaker 00

  Yeah. Here's my question actually, just because I wanted to ask you, but I haven't got your number.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Sorry about that.

• 23:35Speaker 00

  Um, podcasting really well. Congrats. Do you fact check anything?

• 23:39Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, in a kind of way.

• 23:42Speaker 00

  Well, I heard somebody on your podcast the other day say.

• 23:44Speaker 01

  Are you filming this?

• 23:45Speaker 00

  No, I'm just asking, is it?

• 23:46Speaker 01

  It's, it's Jamie Thixton put you up to this.

• 23:48Speaker 00

  Jamie Thixton?

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Jamie Thixton's my biggest rival in this business.

• 23:54Speaker 00

  Right.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  I don't know if you know about me and him.

• 23:56Speaker 00

  No, what's the deal with you and Jamie Thixton?

• 23:57Speaker 01

  I beat him at a game of paddle 15 years ago and he hates me and he's trying to destroy me.

• 24:03Speaker 00

  You beat him at a game of paddle 15 years ago?

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 24:05Speaker 00

  So you were an early adopter?

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, we both were. And then he took up golf and I never played paddle again.

• 24:12Speaker 00

  Um, Stephen, did you bring up that story because you're worried that this is going to become a 50 50 conversation and you just thought, let me introduce some backstory to take this away from me?

• 24:20Speaker 01

  No.

• 24:22Speaker 00

  It's just weird that you've kind of brought in this Bartlett Thixton mythology into this.

• 24:27Speaker 01

  I'm just telling you.

• 24:27Speaker 00

  It's because I told you that you can't bring new characters into the role play. So you decided to just go off into weird monologues.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  My problem is that it feels like you're trying to trip me up by getting to me to admit to something that I don't know much about. My team fact check everything. I've never told a lie in my life.

• 24:42Speaker 00

  Somebody in your podcast the other day said potatoes are evil.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, that wasn't me though.

• 24:47Speaker 00

  But you, you were sat opposite them.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, but they, someone else said it. Don't blame me. You did podcasts all the time. I watched one you did the other day.

• 24:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  That really cool guy who did the big five. What's his name?

• 24:59Speaker 00

  Well, by the way, you know how I know you're talking about Tom Davis? Because you said, what's his name?

• 25:08Speaker 00

  Anyway, Steve, is there any chance of, I was just gonna ask, obviously I did the podcast a while ago.

• 25:12Speaker 01

  You were so funny on it, by the way. You're probably my favourite funny person I've had on it.

• 25:17Speaker 00

  I, I, I was just wondering if there's any chance of, um, just because it's been such a long time ago and I sort of don't agree with some of the stuff I said then.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  I wondered if you'd consider.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  Want to come back on and rectify that?

• 25:27Speaker 00

  Uh, well, actually, I mean, yeah, that's something I'd love to talk about, but before that I would love to get the other one taken down.

• 25:34Speaker 01

  Hmm. This is where it becomes tricky, Mr. Ranganathan.

• 25:38Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  See, we have paid you for your time.

• 25:41Speaker 00

  You didn't, there's no fair.

• 25:43Speaker 03

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• 26:43Speaker 01

  Really?

• 26:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  Oh, everyone else. Oh, I think you begged to come on, right?

• 26:48Speaker 01

  Usually we pay our guests, but the ones who begged to come on.

• 26:51Speaker 00

  I wasn't paid. So I guess that makes that sort of further.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  Well.

• 26:58Speaker 01

  Forty quid?

• 26:59Speaker 00

  No, what I'm saying is I'd love it to be taken down.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  Okay. What do I need to do to keep it up?

• 27:05Speaker 00

  That's a personal thing. There's nothing to do with it. I just, I just want the episode taken down.

• 27:10Speaker 01

  Do you want me to send you some cool new stuff from my new brand?

• 27:13Speaker 00

  What's your brand?

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Jim Shark. I've bought Jim Shark.

• 27:16Speaker 00

  You've bought Jim Shark?

• 27:17Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 27:17Speaker 00

  I'm all right for Jim Shark stuff, thank you.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  Okay, maybe I could send some to your oldest son Theo, who I know is doing really well at university.

• 27:23Speaker 00

  I, I think if I could find someone in the house that was less into the idea of having some Jim Shark stuff than me, it would be Theo.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  Okay, what about little Charlie? Feels like a kid who needs some Jim Shark stuff. Or that lovely lady of yours, Lisa. We do a women's range.

• 27:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. She's not really a Jim Shark girl.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  Okay. What about if I give you a hundred and fifty pounds?

• 27:45Speaker 00

  To keep it up?

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay. Okay, great.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  Can I get a receipt?

• 27:49Speaker 00

  No. The receipt's the podcast.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  See, I, you bottled out there.

• 27:55Speaker 00

  What do you mean I bottled it?

• 27:56Speaker 01

  We had him on the ropes.

• 27:57Speaker 00

  How?

• 27:57Speaker 01

  You could have easily, because he was.

• 27:58Speaker 00

  Can I be honest with you? I thought this was going on a bit. I, I, I thought.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  I didn't really know it was, I don't know enough about Stephen Bartlett.

• 28:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  So I was building a character. I don't even know that Jamie Thixton stuff, that's alleged, that's not true.

• 28:08Speaker 00

  That's true.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 28:09Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  I love Jamie Thixton.

• 28:13Speaker 00

  If you got offered diamonds.

• 28:14Speaker 01

  Can I say Jamie Thixton is such an adorable character? I really love Jamie Thixton. I listen to him most mornings. I just, there's some sort of.

• 28:21Speaker 00

  What do you like about him? So is it him and Amanda Holden?

• 28:23Speaker 01

  Oh, don't even get, I love Amanda Holden.

• 28:26Speaker 00

  Do you?

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think the two of them are brilliant.

• 28:28Speaker 00

  Uh, what do you love about them so much?

• 28:29Speaker 01

  I just think they've just got a really fun aura together. You know, it doesn't feel forced.

• 28:33Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  It feels just quite a nice, it just feels, yeah, it's a nice start to the day. Play some fun games.

• 28:38Speaker 00

  I didn't see you as a listen to the radio in the morning type of guy.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  Well, Catherine loves the radio.

• 28:41Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  And we stumbled on Heart and Heart's become, so.

• 28:44Speaker 00

  What do you listen to on Saturday mornings between 10 and 1?

• 28:47Speaker 01

  Uh, well, we sometimes have your radio show. It depends. I've not been asked to do it for, I've been in two shows that I've not been asked to bloody do it. I thought I'd be on the public.

• 28:53Speaker 00

  We got you on the phone the other week.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was quite fun actually.

• 28:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. Gave me a sort of reason to be up at a weekend.

• 28:59Speaker 00

  Um, so you don't listen to the show then?

• 29:02Speaker 01

  What, your show?

• 29:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, it does fall, it's a tricky time.

• 29:05Speaker 00

  What do you think of the way we start the show?

• 29:07Speaker 01

  With my intro?

• 29:08Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 29:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, I like it. We've talked about this before. I'm very honoured.

• 29:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Um, I would, I do enjoy, I like Sally Traffic. She's very cute.

• 29:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  She's got a vibe to her.

• 29:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, sure.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  Um, so I'll have it up. Do I know much about Stephen Bartlett? Were you gonna say that?

• 29:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:22Speaker 01

  I don't know much about him. I used to really like him on Dragon's Den.

• 29:25Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  What would you, would you be able to go on Dragon's Den?

• 29:28Speaker 00

  No.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Why?

• 29:31Speaker 01

  I think you'd be great on Dragon's Den.

• 29:32Speaker 00

  You've seen the guys on there. They've fucking got tens of millions of pounds.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  No, pitching something. No, yeah, you're not gonna ever be a dragon.

• 29:38Speaker 00

  Right.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  You've, you've got, you can't just get to the dragon. You, you've got to have a business that's smashed it.

• 29:44Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, so I can't, I can't be either thing, can I?

• 29:46Speaker 01

  You're not, you could go there.

• 29:47Speaker 00

  I could go on as a representative of Rangaby.

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, by the way, Rangaby are fucking killer at the moment. You've employed someone incredible. Johnny Magpie, right? That's a bit of business now.

• 30:00Speaker 00

  Hmm. I, I wonder if.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  Johnny Magpie, I genuinely think is a Declan Rice signing for Rangaby.

• 30:05Speaker 00

  Do you think so?

• 30:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. Johnny Magpie is incredible.

• 30:08Speaker 00

  In terms of we've overplayed him and he's exhausted.

• 30:12Speaker 01

  He's completely changed your midfield.

• 30:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, he has. Um, it would be.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  You're very much the Thierry Henry of Rangaby.

• 30:18Speaker 00

  It would be great to, um, have some minutes of this podcast that weren't an endorsement for something.

• 30:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:24Speaker 00

  I mean, we've almost exclusively talked about companies and products so far. Not being sponsored or paid money by any of them.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, yeah. Well, Mandrill at the moment hasn't got any money, so it's, yeah.

• 30:36Speaker 00

  Mandrill's smashing it, isn't it?

• 30:37Speaker 01

  It's, we're doing okay. We're doing good, but not doing great.

• 30:38Speaker 00

  We, we are, and I, I don't, Tom's a bit shy about this. Um, Mandrill, I think we can officially announce, are, based on projections, 15 years away from breaking even.

• 30:52Speaker 00

  So that's, that's incredibly exciting news.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  What else have you been up to, my baby?

• 30:59Speaker 00

  Uh, well, I went to the Arsenal game recently.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 31:04Speaker 00

  Uh, at the weekend on, uh, at Three Bridges train station. They've got a rail replacement running from.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Oh, fucking hell, rail replacements.

• 31:12Speaker 00

  So.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  I got caught in your neck of the woods right away the other day in Hayward Heath. Fucking going to work, it was a fucking nightmare. They stopped a train at Hayward Heath that was meant to be going to Eastbourne, stopped it. Uh, now there's a rail, rail replacement, it's insane.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  Okay, um, tone a little bit like I'm sort of responsible for that because it's near me. Anyway, so the problem is, is Three Bridges, on those days when they got rail replacement, it's rammed. It's rammed. No, I wasn't on a bus. This didn't affect us because it was from Three Bridges to Brighton.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 31:41Speaker 00

  We're going up to London, right?

• 31:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:43Speaker 00

  So Lisa, me and the kids are all going to the game.

• 31:47Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 31:48Speaker 00

  I've got the tickets, I've emailed them all their tickets, right?

• 31:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:52Speaker 00

  You know, the QR code. So they've all got their tickets. We go, we're running a bit late.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  Full kit up?

• 31:59Speaker 00

  No, well, the, the, the boys had tops on, but, and Lisa did actually. In fact, I was the only, I was the only one not wearing.

• 32:04Speaker 01

  Lisa in a football shirt?

• 32:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, no bottoms.

• 32:09Speaker 00

  Anyway, we, so we get to the train station.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  Oh, you look nice, Lisa. You're a good girl. God Christ, can't wait to get back for a footy later, should we win?

• 32:21Speaker 01

  Give us a smooch, give us a kiss.

• 32:23Speaker 00

  You know when people, a, a mate of mine used to always talk about how he really wanted to, um, have sex with his other half while she's wearing a football shirt?

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:31Speaker 00

  And I said, what does that fantasy actually mean?

• 32:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, mate, a lot of men feel that.

• 32:35Speaker 00

  Like, what, what player, what player do you want on the back of your wife's shirt? Do you know, like.

• 32:42Speaker 01

  Tim Breaker.

• 32:43Speaker 00

  Like, what is, what's going on?

• 32:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I, I, yeah, I'm with you on that, yeah.

• 32:47Speaker 00

  Anyway, so we get to the station.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Your man, you're petite, yeah, because he had that long, lovely, long blonde hair, yeah.

• 32:55Speaker 00

  It's, it's, it's a couple of issues that, one, the relish in which you said that, in fact, three issues. One, the relish in which you said that, two, the fact that I know that you've spent some time with him, so this is something that actually could have been a possibility. And three, the fact that we'd actually moved the conversation on.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 33:15Speaker 00

  We were just in the process of moving on with the story.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 33:18Speaker 00

  And then you suddenly went, eh, man, you're.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  No, it just crossed my mind.

• 33:22Speaker 00

  Um, so we get to the station, rammed. Because of traitors, I'm getting clocked a lot more than normal, right?

• 33:29Speaker 01

  I mean, let's just say, that's a, that's the power of that show. You already had a big profile, right?

• 33:34Speaker 00

  Yours, I think traitors is like, it just does something. Anyway, so we walk into the station.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:40Speaker 00

  I'm with the boys and Lisa, and then as I walk in, I realise that I've left my phone at home, which has got my Arsenal ticket.

• 33:47Speaker 01

  Oh shit, okay.

• 33:48Speaker 00

  So you're dealing with that, and then you've also got to deal with the fact that I've got to tell Lisa that the phone that's got my ticket on, I've left at home. We're, it's already a logistical nightmare to get the boys moving to this. Not a nightmare, but it's a big operation.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, of course.

• 34:02Speaker 00

  And now I fucked up. So now I'm having to deal with the fact that I'm stressed out about going to get this phone now. And now I've got to see the look in my wife's eyes.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:09Speaker 00

  As she, as basically her face tries not to say, he's done it again.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, by the way.

• 34:15Speaker 00

  I've also got to tell the boys, your dad's a fuck up, right? He's left the phone.

• 34:20Speaker 01

  Uh, by the way, can I just ask, train wise, what are we dealing with here? On the basis of like, how long have you given it?

• 34:26Speaker 00

  Not long.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:27Speaker 00

  Because they, they wanted to get there pretty close to kickoff, right?

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Why?

• 34:30Speaker 00

  No reason apart from they didn't want to, they were just fucking around at home. It's not that they, they don't wanna, they just like.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  They don't like the preamble sometimes.

• 34:36Speaker 00

  Sometimes, yeah. So we, um, so then I have to, so I go to Lisa, you go on ahead.

• 34:42Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 34:44Speaker 00

  Um, with the boys, I'm gonna get a cab to take me home, get my phone.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  I love you, but the way you've made it sound is like you're the hero in this situation.

• 34:52Speaker 00

  No, no, it was really bad. And like Lisa's looking at me like, Li- Lisa's, I think what went through Lisa's head is this guy's a, not, not that Lisa's horrible, but she's thinking this guy's fucked up here, right? But I can see in his face that he's, I can't say anything to him, that his mind's not telling him.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, he, he knows he's like.

• 35:11Speaker 00

  So she's gone immediately, leapt to sympathetic, right?

• 35:14Speaker 01

  By the way, Lisa's so sweet.

• 35:16Speaker 00

  It's so sweet. I mean, it's like, she, she didn't feel, she didn't express any.

• 35:20Speaker 01

  Woman.

• 35:20Speaker 00

  She, not even, she didn't express any annoyance.

• 35:23Speaker 01

  Rinse me. Catherine, Catherine is very much, if I'd gone, we go in here, oh, I forgot the ticket for us to go in. She used to be, what are you fucking doing?

• 35:33Speaker 00

  So I, um, get a taxi.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:35Speaker 00

  Home. I go to the guy, can you just wait outside? I've got to grab my phone.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  One of my favourite things to do, because it makes you feel like you're in a sort of big film, right?

• 35:42Speaker 00

  Run into the house.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  Oh dear, fucking give me a second.

• 35:44Speaker 00

  Then I'm, then I, I, I'm nervous because normally when I do that rush, because I do this a lot.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:49Speaker 00

  When I do the rush in thing.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  Don't close the door properly.

• 35:51Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  Dogs get out.

• 35:52Speaker 00

  Exactly. So I'm double checking all of that, but also panicked, high adrenaline situation.

• 35:57Speaker 01

  Caught us all rushing through.

• 35:58Speaker 00

  Absolutely. I'm pissing it.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:01Speaker 00

  Get back in the cab.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:04Speaker 00

  I, I'm like, you know, like when you want it to hurry up, you're just sort of sitting there, everything feels like it's taken ages.

• 36:09Speaker 01

  It's like a fucking long drive to drive down.

• 36:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, their train, yeah, and also the, the fucking, the security guy was away from his post when we got back. Anyway, we pull up at the train station.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:20Speaker 00

  Their train goes off, they're gone.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  Did you see it go?

• 36:24Speaker 00

  No, it's literally Lisa's text me going, we're leaving, it's going there. So I go on. This is another thing that happened, people asking me for photos.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:34Speaker 00

  Because I was so stressed out, I just go, no, I can't now, I can't now.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:39Speaker 00

  They think I'm a prick.

• 36:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, but they don't.

• 36:41Speaker 00

  Well, they probably do. It was, I was, I was panicked.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course, but, yeah.

• 36:46Speaker 00

  Anyway, get on the train.

• 36:49Speaker 00

  Catch them up.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:50Speaker 00

  So I get.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  Caught them up.

• 36:51Speaker 00

  So they got a train to Finsbury Park.

• 36:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:53Speaker 00

  I got Alex to send me his location.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:56Speaker 00

  I get a train to Victoria, tube it, see where they are, and basically leg it to find them, right? I'm, I.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  I love this version of you.

• 37:02Speaker 00

  I catch them up before they're in the ground.

• 37:05Speaker 01

  Nice, well done.

• 37:07Speaker 00

  Can you play like some heroic shit now? Then.

• 37:10Speaker 01

  This is like a Jason Statham movie.

• 37:11Speaker 00

  As I catch up with them, I, this is the embarrassing bit, and this is a bit where you go, Ramesh now reverts to type.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:20Speaker 00

  I'm so excited that I've caught up with them. I grabbed the boys from behind and go, and shout, come on you gunners.

• 37:28Speaker 00

  I know.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  I know, do you know what? I really wanna go in on you, but I think it's kind of cute.

• 37:32Speaker 00

  At that point.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  It's kind, like, that's a move, in a movie, that's a beautiful moment. Come on, you gunners!

• 37:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  Nah, stop it!

• 37:39Speaker 00

  I shout it louder than I think I'm gonna shout it.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  So now everyone thinks you're trying to.

• 37:46Speaker 00

  Draw attention to myself.

• 37:49Speaker 00

  Lisa, now, now I'm wearing quite a long camo coat at this point.

• 37:53Speaker 01

  I've seen it, it's a nice coat.

• 37:54Speaker 00

  Lisa said to me, as we're about to leave, this is hardly incognito what you're wearing today.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, now, okay, now you're peacocking.

• 38:03Speaker 00

  I'm wearing the coat, I run up.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:05Speaker 00

  I go, come on, you gunners. Lisa's already told me, I, I, or suggested to me that I wear something a little less conspicuous.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  So.

• 38:13Speaker 00

  Lisa, who's also.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  So are you like this, come on, you gunners!

• 38:16Speaker 00

  No, I just grabbed it, because they didn't know I was, I'd caught them up.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  Give me a sound, how loud?

• 38:20Speaker 00

  Come on, you gunners, like that, right?

• 38:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 38:22Speaker 00

  Sorry, John. Then, then everyone looks, not everyone, but the group around us.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:31Speaker 00

  And then the whole rest of the walk to the ground, they engage in a chant of Ramesh is a traitor.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  Wow, wow, that's pretty cool.

• 38:41Speaker 00

  Ramesh is a traitor, Ramesh is a traitor.

• 38:44Speaker 01

  Mate, that's, I'm sorry, that's fucking amazing.

• 38:47Speaker 00

  Second verse, Ramesh shagging Beckett.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 38:51Speaker 00

  Rom shagging Beckett. I'm with my family, man.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, the first one I'm all right with.

• 38:55Speaker 00

  Lisa, not annoyed at me about the ticket.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:58Speaker 00

  But she's warned about the coat.

• 39:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:01Speaker 00

  I've now drawn attention to us. The rest of our walk up to the ground.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  It's not family time anymore.

• 39:06Speaker 00

  Well, we're dealing with the chant, people kind of asking, yeah.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  Photos.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  That's fine, I don't mind that.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  Chanted into Arsenal, by the way, look, apart from the shagging Beckett thing, but being chanted into a football ground.

• 39:15Speaker 00

  Well, it's funny you say that, because little Chiz, Charlie, my youngest, he goes to me, feeling like you've got a bit of aura now, haven't you?

• 39:24Speaker 01

  Little Charlie, that's a moment though, right?

• 39:27Speaker 00

  Anyway, that was a stressful, I just can't, it's that thing of like, I can feel the chemicals. Like, when I'd realised I'd forgotten my phone, there's a spike of adrenaline where you go, fuck, I haven't got my phone. Then you're, in your head, you're thinking, where have I put it? I realise where I've got it, and then.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Toilet?

• 39:43Speaker 00

  Pardon?

• 39:44Speaker 01

  Toilet.

• 39:44Speaker 00

  No, do you know what I'd done? Is I'd just put it back on charge quickly while I was running around the house. And then, and then, I'm a, and then you're, the whole way I'm on the train.

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:54Speaker 00

  I feel, not, not sick, sick is an exaggeration, you're like, oh, fuck, I'm like punishing, my internal monologue is going, you fucking idiot. Or you're like, you're trying to organise this fun thing with your family, now you fucking fuck.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  You've ruined the day for everyone.

• 40:06Speaker 00

  All of that, and so I, so, so then, the boys, I'd text the boys and I'd go, sorry about this. And then obviously they just start taking the piss. That was one of the dumbest things ever. Well done, Charlie's crying. And then Charlie comes on the thing, no, I'm not. Then they start having an argument on the, but I'm.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  And then poor Lisa's going, everyone calm down.

• 40:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, I know, then Lisa's going, then Lisa has to text me going, don't worry about it, darling. Like, she's having to fuck, there's another.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Oh, don't you worry, I'm about to top that. I'm gonna top that with a.

• 40:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, don't worry, if you think, if you think that was a dick move, wait till I catch up with her.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  Do you see what I've got planned?

• 40:39Speaker 00

  Such a twat.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  On the matter of, like, causing a scene.

• 40:45Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 40:45Speaker 01

  Uh, we went to, uh, so I'd said like a weekend of kids' birthday parties.

• 40:50Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 40:51Speaker 01

  Free birthday parties.

• 40:52Speaker 00

  Hmm. Did you take Grace?

• 40:53Speaker 01

  No, no, I just went along, just, just, yeah. Yeah, local kids, just like to go and watch them, sort of have a good time.

• 40:58Speaker 00

  I think that's fine, by the way. I know, I know what the press are saying, but.

• 41:03Speaker 01

  Hello, Tom. Have you been messaging?

• 41:07Speaker 01

  I'm so cut. Let me tell her.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  But like, you know, Grace loves it. Grace loves a party. Quite insane at the moment. Like, I've always liked, she often talks about being a girl's, like, playing with the girls. And then at one of the parties, she was very much outdoors, playing with the boys. One of them nicked her cape, like she was dressed as Elsa from Frozen. One of the boys.

• 41:30Speaker 00

  In a malicious way, I find, you know?

• 41:32Speaker 01

  Uh, I think he's got a bit of a, sort of, you know, he, he, he seems like he's got a bit of a thing that he's quite, they played together.

• 41:38Speaker 00

  Right.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  He's a sweet kid, but he's also, he's a bit of a bad boy in the class. He's got a rascal way about him. And then three of the other boys defend, were like, we'll get your cape back. Right? So then this boy's been chased around by three other boys.

• 41:51Speaker 00

  Something about Mary.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  I know. Then they end up on the floor fighting over this thing.

• 41:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:55Speaker 01

  Um, how did she, I, I, I, I said to her, shall I go and get your cape back? Cause this is getting a bit aggressive. And she said, something along the, it wasn't this, but it was something along those, oh, let, let's see how it plays out, dad. Like, and I, it's something, it was, it wasn't that, but it was a term, like that.

• 42:16Speaker 00

  I know what you mean, like, let's see what happens.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, let's see what, let's see how this.

• 42:18Speaker 00

  The kids' version of that.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, like in a five-year-old's way. And I went, well, what do you mean? And she was like, we'll see who, someone will come out of this and bring my cape back. And I want to see that. I was like, this is, you're five. And you've got four boys fighting over you. And that's, that's the kid. But anyhow, so we have a couple of parties, but we, we end up going to Westfield.

• 42:37Speaker 00

  I mean, that's not exactly relatable content for you, is it?

• 42:40Speaker 01

  What?

• 42:41Speaker 00

  Some people fighting.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 42:43Speaker 00

  What should I do, dad? Fuck, fuck knows.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, just make sure that big goofy kid doesn't win.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  I'll get your cape. If I get your cape, can you give me a pie?

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Well, I said saliva rule. I was like a golden retrievers, fuck this cake.

• 42:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, why has he put it back in his mouth?

• 43:02Speaker 01

  Um, so we go to Westfield Saturday night with friends of ours. Uh, it's their daughter, one of their older daughter's birthday and, and Grace is best friends with their younger daughter. So we're out, we go to Westlife, go to Putt Shack.

• 43:14Speaker 00

  Go to Westlife?

• 43:15Speaker 01

  Westfield.

• 43:16Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  Go to, go to Putt Shack, great day at Tom and Putt Shack, absolutely smash it. Crazy golf, I've become elite at crazy golf.

• 43:24Speaker 00

  Probably all the marmalade.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:25Speaker 00

  Call back?

• 43:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:27Speaker 00

  Panel show, drink of water?

• 43:32Speaker 01

  Remember those days?

• 43:33Speaker 00

  I imagine it's probably all the marmalade.

• 43:36Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. Cause he mentioned marmalade earlier. Um, and then we, then Catherine and, uh, her friend are like, we're gonna go and we're gonna do some shopping. So we were like, okay, cool. They've got these little cars at Westlife that you push the kids around in.

• 43:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:51Speaker 01

  Have you seen them?

• 43:52Speaker 00

  Were you, on the day, did you keep referring to it as Westlife, just out of interest?

• 43:55Speaker 01

  Do I keep calling it Westlife?

• 43:56Speaker 00

  It's the second time.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think, I think I've got Westlife in my brain for some.

• 43:59Speaker 00

  You with another couple, were you? I, I, I would love that to be the chat after the day. What the fuck is wrong with them?

• 44:07Speaker 01

  Why does he keep calling it Westlife?

• 44:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  Why does he say, we've just been to where?

• 44:11Speaker 00

  Then we went to buy some shoes and he kept calling it Boyzone.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  So we go into Westfield and they've got these little cars that you push around in Westfield.

• 44:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  Um, so we're like, I'll go to the kids, do you want to get on these? So the kids get in and then this weird dad thing takes over where we, we start having, like, they're like, I'll push this round faster. West, it's West, Westfield on a Saturday night, it's packed. And then we start having these mad races. So, full sprinting through crowds of people with, I completely just lost any inhibition. I became like a child again. Grace was.

• 44:45Speaker 00

  It's difficult to think about what you'd be like without the inhibition that you're currently demonstrating.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  And then, no, but I was just like, it was packed solid. Obviously they're like, you know, people, you know, I'm not, not in traitors, but I'm doing all right. People are sort of seeing me and coming up and, you know, but I'm like, so then this, then we go into another game. The women go into Marks and Spencer's. So we don't have that, this massive game, massive game of hide and seek in the cars in Westlife, uh, Westlife. In Marks, Marks and Spencer's. So I've been drinking. Oh, a fucking old, it's like your grand telling a story. Um, in Marks and Spencer's in Westfield.

• 45:18Speaker 00

  Right.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  And it got to the point where the Grace, Grace was laughing so much. It's probably my happiest memory in the last, I can't even remember the last time I felt so just happy with her. Just, she was just loving it. But it got, me and this other dad had just, and then I knocked over a whole table of women's underwear. Like, that was really, really funny, but then I tried then to sort of help tidy it up with this woman. So then I'm sort of, I've got like all these knickers.

• 45:43Speaker 00

  You're playing hide and seek. How did you knock it over?

• 45:45Speaker 01

  Cause I was going, cause basically they were chasing us down through some aisles. We were in the men's clothing section. I cut through into the women's lingerie.

• 45:51Speaker 00

  How do you guys play hide and seek?

• 45:53Speaker 01

  Cause they're chasing us.

• 45:54Speaker 00

  Right.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  And then all of a sudden, yeah, it comes quite like, and then I'm just picking up knickers and it, there's no way that I could look.

• 46:00Speaker 00

  No.

• 46:00Speaker 01

  Anything but a bit creepy.

• 46:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  On my hands and knees, apologising, sweating quite profusely because I've been sprinting around Westfield for the last.

• 46:08Speaker 00

  Yeah. So can I just ask why, uh, you seem to be out of breath and you're picking up these knickers? Oh, it's all right. I'm here with my daughter.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  I'm hungry at the moment.

• 46:20Speaker 01

  I've five minutes just to come and see these knickers.

• 46:21Speaker 00

  What did, uh, Kat and the other partner think of?

• 46:25Speaker 01

  I think they were just very happy just to have some time to go shopping. I, I honestly, it's one of the best things I've done in ages. I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself quite so much.

• 46:34Speaker 00

  Well, that's nice.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  Yeah. I was just loving every moment.

• 46:38Speaker 00

  That's really sweet.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  You know, you're just like, and I was levering it at one point. I was literally, you know, it's like, can you remember the last time you sprinted? Oh, obviously for the train to meet your family. So I think that was, yeah.

• 46:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, I sprinted across Victoria, actually.

• 46:51Speaker 01

  Did you?

• 46:52Speaker 00

  Then.

• 46:53Speaker 01

  Cause you feel like a character from a Tom Hanks movie.

• 46:54Speaker 00

  A little bit, but the, the other thing is, is that you do realise then how much speed you've lost.

• 47:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:02Speaker 00

  And I wasn't ever fast, but when you, if you think about it, you so rarely run at full speed. When you're a kid.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  So when you go at full speed?

• 47:10Speaker 00

  For a little bit, yeah. But when you're, when you're a kid.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  Did you, can I just ask, did you jump the stairs?

• 47:16Speaker 00

  No, I didn't actually. It was too busy. And then I'll start, I kept getting caught behind people and I was doing this, oh.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  Crocodile Dundee.

• 47:22Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, but you know, when you're a kid, you, you, you.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  Oh, you run everywhere.

• 47:28Speaker 00

  You unload the jets.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, all the time.

• 47:30Speaker 00

  All the time, right? And then, and then suddenly you sort of go, oh, let's see, let's see what the old girl's got in her.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:37Speaker 00

  And then you're fucking going for it and you go, actually, clapped out.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  Isn't it sad the moment that you just, that's, that's, I felt like a child again, uh, at, at Westfield. I genuinely did. I felt like, oh, this is like being a kid on a Saturday, just sprinting about, having fun, laughing.

• 47:51Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  Nothing else mattered apart from not getting found in Marks and Spencer's or Jim Shark or the other places we went. It was fucking great.

• 47:59Speaker 00

  Yeah. Yeah, I'm glad you had a good time. I'm really glad you had a good time.

• 48:04Speaker 01

  I'd love you to do, I'd love to see you in that scenario.

• 48:06Speaker 00

  What do you think? Do you think, is there a life lesson there, do you think?

• 48:10Speaker 01

  It was, yeah, I think we just all need to just not, but I think we, we all conform to being so like, even you sprinting across, there must have been.

• 48:17Speaker 00

  That wasn't fun.

• 48:18Speaker 01

  That wasn't fun.

• 48:19Speaker 00

  No.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  There's not a bit of you that was like, okay, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get to the fucking game with my family. Like, do you ever like take those moments, right? Where you're sprinting out and you come out of Finsbury Park, you look left, you look right, you're like, they're that way. And then you start sprinting.

• 48:35Speaker 00

  I didn't think it was fun, that, no.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  No, but that's not a normal thing to happen.

• 48:38Speaker 00

  No, I know what you mean, yeah.

• 48:39Speaker 01

  And there's a little bit of a release. It's like, like you, you're not, it like, it's a mad thing because I keep referring to it being like a film. But that's a kind of cool thing with sprinting and then getting, cause by the way, it's a very unusual, like me sprinting around Westfield, having a fucking laugh and, and that's not completely abnormal behaviour.

• 48:56Speaker 00

  I think it is quite abnormal.

• 48:58Speaker 01

  No, but not for me necessarily.

• 48:59Speaker 00

  Right.

• 49:00Speaker 01

  I'm not that, that sort of, you know, but you running up behind your family and going, come on, you gunners. Right? That is not something I, like, if someone went, name me 10 people who might have done that, you wouldn't be in that 10.

• 49:13Speaker 00

  Right.

• 49:13Speaker 01

  Loudly shouting, because I think you're, not in a bad way, but I think you're, you're just a respectful. Yeah, reserved, but also I don't think you are someone who would draw attention to themselves in that scenario. But so something must have released in you.

• 49:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:27Speaker 01

  There must have been a moment of you going, this is amazing. Like, this was a fuck up, but now it's gonna be this moment we all fucking.

• 49:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was excited for the moment. That's true.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  That's, that's beautiful though, right?

• 49:40Speaker 00

  Now, look, it's the end of the episode, Tom.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:42Speaker 00

  Um, I, I want to introduce a little bit of controversy here and I'd love to get John's opinion, uh, if we get the Magpies' take on this.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Do you want to hear the Magpies? Still available on OnlyFans.

• 49:50Speaker 00

  But the, the, the moment, the, the issue that we've got here is there are some people.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:55Speaker 00

  That are saying they preferred your closers when we didn't have the three stimuli.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 49:59Speaker 00

  Wish I hadn't said, phrased it like that. But anyway, the point is.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:02Speaker 00

  How do you feel about freestyling this?

• 50:04Speaker 01

  I'm happy to freestyle.

• 50:05Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 50:05Speaker 01

  I'm happy to, to give you both versions.

• 50:07Speaker 00

  Okay, we only need one version. I think, I think it's enough of an ask that you're, that you're made to freestyle a story as it is. Let alone going, can we have two for the edit? So which one we prefer anyway. Good luck.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  How many legs does a millipede have? Too many, some might say. And how many legs does a dog have? Four? Simple sliver. And then you have a slug, AKA snail. Are they the same thing? Nobody really knows.

• 50:35Speaker 00

  No, they're not.

• 50:38Speaker 01

  They don't have any legs at all. They just slither around on their stomach.

• 50:45Speaker 01

  Think about it. Is a slug or a snail's life worth any less, less than a dog or a millipedes? Does a snail not care too? Does a snail not think, not worry? It's very easy to judge a millipede and tell you, hey, you've smashed life because you've got the most amount of legs. And I guess we do that as human beings. Sometimes it's easy just to look at someone who's got it all and think, yeah, you've got it all loaded. You've got everything put together. You seem like you have it all. 12, 13, maybe, how many legs do a millipede have?

• 51:15Speaker 00

  A thousand.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  A thousand legs. Who needs a thousand legs? But then maybe a millipede too has his problems. There's two million legs. Thank God they don't need shoes.

• 51:32Speaker 01

  But it's easy just to look at Brian and Sandra up the street, bought a new Escort. Sandra's got a new Casio watch. I think they've got it loaded. They've got it all together. But actually you don't know what's going on behind closed doors. We make judgements of people who seem like they have all things sorted. But everyone carries their problems and everyone carries their worries. I guess that's the thing. Some people are just a little bit better in owning those moments. Like a slug looking at a snail thing, well, at least you got it home. Be considerate. Be good, be true. Always look at other people around you and thinking, you might have all of these things. What are you missing? Maybe it's just a friend asking, how are you?

• 52:18Speaker 00

  Really good. Thank you so much.

• 52:18Speaker 01

  Maybe the, the, the three, the three things that work better.

• 52:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:24Speaker 00

  I'm glad we're back to the gold that you requested.

• 52:29Speaker 00

  Uh, [email protected] if you want an email potentially read out on the email special, which is where we'll see you next time. Please remember to like and.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  That was so slick.

• 52:38Speaker 00

  What?

• 52:39Speaker 01

  That's so slick, wasn't it?

• 52:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, would have been without the interruption.

• 52:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, sorry. I was imagining all of you there. That's fucking cool.

• 52:46Speaker 00

  Uh, we'll see you next time. Thank you so much for listening and watching to the Wolf for Now. Thank you.