Dustin Nickerson

Dustin Nickerson is the self-proclaimed “World’s Most Average Person,” but don’t let the modesty fool you—his comedy is anything but ordinary. A master of observational humor, Dustin delivers razor-sharp takes on marriage, parenting, and everyday life with the skill of a seasoned pro (and the exhaustion of a father of three). Seen on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, Comedy Central, and Netflix alongside Kevin Hart, he’s the relatable, hilarious voice of the modern-day family man—if that family man also had a killer tight five. Catch him on tour or on his hit podcast Don’t Make Me Come Back There. http://dustinnickerson.com Check out his set on the Tonight Show: https://youtu.be/AfYMAdj6--k?si=wsts3-qEyL29gxPz #dustinnickerson #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #podcast #dontmakemecomebackthere ============================================================== Sponsor Whiskey Ginger: https://public.liveread.io/media-kit/whiskeyginger SUPPORT OUR SPONSORS TONAL Promo Code: WHISKEY GET $200 OFF YOUR ORDER https://tonal.com SQUARESPACE GET 10% OFF YOUR ORDER http://squarespace.com/whiskey PROPHET X Promo Code: WHISKEY Get Up To $300 in Prophet Cash https://getprophetx.co ETHOS COVERAGE FOR AS LOW AS $10 A MONTH https://ethoslife.com/whiskey ======================================= Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino/ https://twitter.com/CheetoSantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://www.instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast https://twitter.com/whiskeygingerpodcast Produced and edited by Joe Faria https://www.instagram.com/itsjoefaria Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Para los grandes, para los chicos, para los bajos y los altos, los pacifistas, los valientes, para los optimistas y los pesimistas, los que valoran lo de adentro, para los que están lejos, los que no vende lejos y los que no vende cerca, para los introvertidos y los extrovertidos, para los que piensan y los que hacen, para los que nos mostraron el camino. Coca-Cola, para todos. Compra una Coca-Cola en una tienda cerca de usted.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Espolon Tequila. It arrives in a cloud of feathers with a cry to wake the dead. Espolon Tequila. Balanced, delicious, perfect for nights out, nights in, and people who like to drink tequila. Just add ice, lime, and your mouth, then hold on tight. 100% Acai, 0% Eagle. Espolon Tequila, for a real margarita, ride the rooster.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  Espolon Tequila, 40% alcohol by volume, 80 proof. Copyright 2026, Campari America, New York, New York. Drink responsibly.

• 1:00Andrew Santino?

  What up Whiskies, your fans. Welcome back to the show. It's your first time joining the show, welcome to the show. Like it, subscribe it. Put a comment down below for the Algo Rhythm. Ladies and gents, I am doing, I'm doing a couple of dates, a couple of dates that I said I would do earlier before I filmed my special, and I'm happy to do a couple of dates. Also, Bob and I are doing a couple of dates together. I'm gonna be going to Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, May 22nd. And May 23rd, I'm playing Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. Two shows, May 23rd there in Winnipeg. So I go Edmonton and Winnipeg, and then I'm done for a little bit longer. I'm traveling around the globe, doing a totally different show, which I'm excited about. But go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets, andrewsantino.com.

• 1:42Andrew Santino?

  And also, me and Bobby Lee are gonna be coming to London, July 18th, and Dublin, July 19th. 18th and 19th of July, London and Dublin. The tickets are selling fast. Go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets. andrewsantino.com and badfriendspod.com.

• 2:00Speaker 04

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 2:06Speaker 05

  Who's that creature in the ginger beard? Sturdy and ginger.

• 2:09Speaker 06

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75.

• 2:17Speaker 05

  Gingers, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

• 2:24Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that from my guest when I meet him once again today. It's Dustin Nickerson.

• 2:31Speaker 07

  Thank you.

• 2:31Andrew Santino?

  Gotta be careful saying your last name.

• 2:33Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 2:33Andrew Santino?

  Gotta be careful.

• 2:34Speaker 07

  Well.

• 2:35Andrew Santino?

  I do.

• 2:35Speaker 07

  When people say that, I don't... You hate to like do your act.

• 2:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 2:40Speaker 07

  Or your bits.

• 2:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 2:41Speaker 07

  But like, one of the most viral bits I have is about... Is me performing for a black crowd about the delicacy of my last name.

• 2:49Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's good.

• 2:50Speaker 07

  And so when people bring it up, I'm like, "Are you referencing the bit or just the fact that my last name sounds like a racial slur?"

• 2:56Andrew Santino?

  I've seen the bit, but it's also hard to get away from.

• 2:58Speaker 07

  I mean, you really... It's awkward if you don't... I mean, that's why I say you gotta... It's the most important K in history. You have to stick it like Simone, like a gymnast, like Nick. Ursen. Like, you don't even really need to say the... You need to... Cause where it happens the most is it shows.

• 3:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 3:14Speaker 07

  Where someone's like, "What's your... What do you want for your credits? What was your name again?" They know you, they don't know you, they're bringing you up at the store or something. And they're like... And they just don't hit it hard enough. And everyone's like, "What did..." And then I come out.

• 3:27Andrew Santino?

  And they're like, "Mm."

• 3:28Speaker 07

  This guy's like cosplaying as Commissioner Gordon. And just like, "Really? That's the guy with the racial slur last name?"

• 3:34Andrew Santino?

  Interesting.

• 3:35Speaker 07

  Which is... That's the last name I inherited. To me, the like... And our family has had that for a long time. To me, the more interesting one is the Steve Kerr's kid.

• 3:46Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:47Speaker 07

  Which he named Nick.

• 3:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Why would you do that?

• 3:50Speaker 07

  What are you doing?

• 3:50Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing, Steve?

• 3:51Speaker 07

  What are you... Why?

• 3:52Andrew Santino?

  He's doing that deliberately.

• 3:54Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 3:54Andrew Santino?

  He's trolling his own family.

• 3:55Speaker 07

  That... It... Maybe it's the, um... Are you a country music fan? The Johnny Cash song, "A Boy Named Sue."

• 4:01Andrew Santino?

  "A Boy Named Sue," yeah.

• 4:02Speaker 07

  And maybe it's "A Boy Named Sue." He's like, "Listen, I'm gonna be busy coaching Steph."

• 4:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 4:06Speaker 07

  "I can't be there for you."

• 4:07Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 4:07Speaker 07

  "So I'm gonna give you..." Your last name's gonna be... Maybe the... Probably the worst racial slur. "And you're just gonna have to deal with that, and then we'll meet in a bar and fight later."

• 4:17Andrew Santino?

  Also, because I'll be busy, this will make you stronger. You're gonna come up in a privileged life.

• 4:21Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 4:21Andrew Santino?

  Cause your dad is the most... One of the most famous coaches and players of all time. So I won't be around.

• 4:26Speaker 07

  No.

• 4:26Andrew Santino?

  So I want to make you tough because your life will be a cakewalk.

• 4:28Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 4:29Andrew Santino?

  So why don't I give you some adversity?

• 4:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 4:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I guess that's a good idea.

• 4:34Speaker 07

  Boy named Sue. Also, you're gonna be in basketball culture, so there are gonna be a lot of black people around.

• 4:38Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 4:39Speaker 07

  You're gonna be.

• 4:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. How do you, Nick, how do you get invited to the cookout? That's the challenge. With a name like that, can you still get invited to the cookout? He'll probably go the other way and get into like graphic arts or something. He'll probably far away from basketball.

• 4:53Speaker 07

  Yeah. Do you change your name or is it just a, you go my Nicholas?

• 4:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Nicholas Kerr is fine. It still sounds bad.

• 4:59Speaker 07

  It did when you said, I thought it and then you said it and I was like, it almost sounds more insulting.

• 5:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Nicholas Kerr.

• 5:05Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 5:05Andrew Santino?

  Or you go, or you go by your, or you go, if his middle initial, if it's like, it's like, I go by N A or something like that. Or what, you know what I mean? But then you're in basketball culture again because you're trying to be cool with the initials.

• 5:15Speaker 07

  I'm not gonna lie, Andrew, I don't even want to come up with alternatives.

• 5:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, let's not. Yeah, let's not. Let's stay far away. Let's stay so far away.

• 5:22Speaker 07

  Nicholas, I was like, oh, that'll be fun. We'll do a bit riffing on it, like, or not, or I'll just continue to deal with the curse that is my last name.

• 5:29Andrew Santino?

  All right, I'll give you one that's even worse. Remember the guy we brought up? There's a fisherman, there's a famous bass pro fisherman. And he sells shirts and they're very viral.

• 5:37Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 5:37Andrew Santino?

  Because his last name is, his name is James Nijemeyer.

• 5:42Speaker 07

  Nice.

• 5:43Andrew Santino?

  Nijemeyer.

• 5:44Speaker 07

  I mean, guys.

• 5:45Andrew Santino?

  Buddy.

• 5:46Speaker 07

  Oh, my God.

• 5:47Andrew Santino?

  And it's written on the back and big, yeah, Nijemeyer. And he says it the other way and I'm not gonna, how about that? I'm not gonna pronounce it the way that he pronounces it.

• 5:55Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 5:56Andrew Santino?

  He pronounces it the real way and I still say, it's Nijemeyer. And he goes, when he sells shirts, by the way, I think on TikTok, he reported he sold out of all of his shirts on the first day.

• 6:07Speaker 07

  Which just shows you how, like, the majority of people have a great sense of humor about this kind of stuff. They actually, I mean, that was like the, the Red Sox player who dropped the homophobic slur.

• 6:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:20Speaker 07

  And then his jersey sold out the next day. Like, I mean, there's nothing you could do to be more popular in Boston.

• 6:25Andrew Santino?

  That's true.

• 6:25Speaker 07

  That's.

• 6:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that is true. They're, they're number one racist.

• 6:28Speaker 07

  He's team captain next year.

• 6:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they gave him the team. He owns the team now. It's kind of crazy.

• 6:35Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 6:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's, this is the. The uh, this is the world we have to live in now. This is going to be it, and that's okay. We're fine.

• 6:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 6:42Andrew Santino?

  People wanna have fun.

• 6:44Speaker 07

  They do. I like the delicate walk of it. Again, I, with the last name I have, I feel like I've been training for this moment all my life.

• 6:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you've been doing pushups in the gym.

• 6:52Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm not worried. I gotta, I see a word coming out, okay. I got this.

• 6:58Andrew Santino?

  Are you, are you a Seattle kid?

• 7:00Speaker 07

  Yeah, so South Seattle originally, like Federal Way Tacoma area, but.

• 7:04Andrew Santino?

  Tacoma.

• 7:04Speaker 07

  Yeah. Technically Federal Way, Washington, which is right next to it, but then, so I grew up Federal Way, but I'm, uh, I went to UW in Seattle.

• 7:12Andrew Santino?

  God bless.

• 7:13Speaker 07

  Think to round up there a lot.

• 7:14Andrew Santino?

  Go Huskies.

• 7:15Speaker 07

  Go Huskies. You were a.

• 7:17Andrew Santino?

  I'm Arizona State.

• 7:17Speaker 07

  Arizona State. Congrats.

• 7:19Andrew Santino?

  Thank you. We did, I did a great job. I, I don't know, people don't know this.

• 7:22Speaker 07

  But if you go there, you can say we.

• 7:25Andrew Santino?

  Uh, yeah, it's we.

• 7:26Speaker 07

  That's why college is more fun to me than pro.

• 7:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you can't say that for pro.

• 7:29Speaker 07

  No, cuz I didn't pay the Seahawks like 90 grand.

• 7:32Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right, right. Although, the tickets are getting so expensive at NFL games that you're like, how much is this?

• 7:37Speaker 07

  Well, that's part of the issue with the Seattle, like they, forever they had like the 12th man.

• 7:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I saw it, yeah.

• 7:43Speaker 07

  And it was like the louder, we would go with KC, like they're like, who's the loudest? And the tickets got so expensive that all like the Microsofties go to the games. And that's not who you want. You need like a union plumber.

• 7:56Andrew Santino?

  Yep.

• 7:56Speaker 07

  Who, if the Hawks lose.

• 7:58Andrew Santino?

  Will hit his kids.

• 7:59Speaker 07

  The mom's like, don't talk to dad.

• 8:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, I don't want him to come home tonight.

• 8:03Speaker 07

  No, no, no, no, please don't.

• 8:04Andrew Santino?

  We're gonna get him a red roof in and we're gonna go back to the house.

• 8:07Speaker 07

  Yeah, exactly.

• 8:07Andrew Santino?

  He's gonna drink away this pain for a little while.

• 8:09Speaker 07

  Yeah, and be, the tickets were cheaper so he could afford the red roof in.

• 8:12Andrew Santino?

  That's right, that's right, but now.

• 8:14Speaker 07

  And that's a loud, that's a football fan. You don't need a software engineer like.

• 8:19Andrew Santino?

  When you see that, by the way, when you go to the games, LA has that too in droves because there's so much like, uh, there's so much weird, crazy money here. You'll see in the booths at, um, SoFi, these like extremely rich, like, kinda suits, you know, almost like what finance guys are in New York. And you're like, these guys don't wanna watch football cuz they're out there, they're like canoodling and networking, they're not there for the game. It's a, it's a little bit of a bummer how, but that's, that's been, that's the fault of the organizations have priced out. They priced out their OG fans.

• 8:49Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:49Andrew Santino?

  I mean, you look at, look at what happened in Oakland. It's like.

• 8:52Speaker 07

  Right.

• 8:53Andrew Santino?

  You know, Oakland did such a disservice to their team so, I mean, between the A's and the Raiders, that might be the saddest downfall of a city's team I've ever seen in my life. And they took the basketball team.

• 9:02Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 9:02Andrew Santino?

  And put it in San Francisco. That's like the meanest shit ever.

• 9:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, cuz downtown SF's so great.

• 9:07Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right. What a nightmare. It's a nightmare. We went to that stadium. Stadium beautiful, and then everywhere else, not as so nice.

• 9:14Speaker 07

  San Francisco is great as long as you don't do a full 360. Like, you can never do a full view and be like, whoa, I love everything I just saw.

• 9:23Andrew Santino?

  Right, yeah.

• 9:24Speaker 07

  But I, I, you feel for Oakland because not only, they weren't like, like, I mean, all due respect, like, if the Carolina Panthers left, I'd be like, sure.

• 9:34Andrew Santino?

  What are you gonna do?

• 9:35Speaker 07

  What are you gonna do?

• 9:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:36Speaker 07

  That's all you have.

• 9:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 9:37Speaker 07

  And who cares about the Panthers? All due respect to the Panthers. I'm not anti-Pan, it would make sense.

• 9:42Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 9:43Speaker 07

  Oh, those were iconic teams. Those were teams that won. They had famous players. They had great looks. They had good fans. They had good branding.

• 9:50Andrew Santino?

  Some of the best jerseys I've ever seen.

• 9:51Speaker 07

  Both.

• 9:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the A's, the A's to me more than anything, some of the coolest style, history jersey.

• 9:58Speaker 07

  I mean, you could make an argument that the Raiders and the A's are two of the most top five iconic logos in their sports.

• 10:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I, I agree. The only reason that the Raiders, I don't get as much credit cuz they came here.

• 10:07Speaker 07

  Right.

• 10:08Andrew Santino?

  Like, they came here and then they won, and then they left again. That was like a weird, that, that's where I get teeter totter when a team, like, if the Chargers won up here.

• 10:16Speaker 07

  Well, they're gonna too, now that Harbaugh's here.

• 10:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 10:19Speaker 07

  That's what's, part of the reason that LA sports fans are the worst, not the diehards. Of course, there's great fans. They're in the valley.

• 10:25Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 10:25Speaker 07

  Like, they, they're not, they, they come from a specific area of town. And they, they're great fans, but what sucks about LA is like, a team does move here and you're like, you'll be bad fans, and then they win a Super Bowl.

• 10:38Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 10:38Speaker 07

  And then maybe they, the Rams might move back in a couple of years. They do that. They just kinda, they're like tenants. They just like, they come and do a little stint here. I know, so when I grew up in the 90's, like, Seahawks are the big brand in town now in Seattle.

• 10:51Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 10:51Speaker 07

  But we were awful in the 90's.

• 10:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 10:53Speaker 07

  And, and we were, no one else was wearing Cortez Kennedy jerseys in the 90's. It was me and like, eight other kids. And there were, we, we always had that threat of being a team that moved to LA. Cuz that's what LA teams are like. Eh, just get one every once in a while. Oh, USC's a dynasty now? Cool, whatever. No big deal. Yeah, maybe I'll go, maybe I won't. I don't know.

• 11:17Andrew Santino?

  There's no hometown pride in, uh, a lot of, but here's my problem with a lot of the pro sports now is a lot of these guys move so much. Uh, basketball in particular, who do you root for anymore? Because your players are gone. Like, I was hanging out in, um, I was hanging out in, uh, New Orleans. And, uh, my buddy Caruso, Al Caruso, was a Laker. It was a Bull. And now he's in OKC.

• 11:40Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 11:40Andrew Santino?

  Which is, he's happy. He's very happy, but, you know, you buy your kid a jersey. And it's, it's defunct in like a season.

• 11:48Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 11:48Andrew Santino?

  Which is crazy to me. It's like there is no, like, I grew up in Chicago in the 90s, so we were, you know, the best. You know what I mean?

• 11:55Speaker 07

  You never need anything ever again.

• 11:57Andrew Santino?

  No, and I could still rock a Ku Coach jersey, but it still has some resonance to it because they were so, because it was so powerful.

• 12:02Speaker 07

  That's how big they were.

• 12:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 12:04Speaker 07

  That, you could put like a, uh, Horace Grant jersey on.

• 12:08Andrew Santino?

  Bill Wennington, I could throw that on. People know. Yeah, people know. But you can't, but nowadays, I don't think you know your secondary, fifth man. Because he didn't stay for long. Like, he just didn't, it just didn't have the same kind of.

• 12:18Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 12:19Andrew Santino?

  Because, look, and I don't disagree with them. These guys are in it because they're athletes that want to make a living in, in, in the sport of entertainment.

• 12:26Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 12:26Andrew Santino?

  Let's make no mistake. It's an entertainment sport.

• 12:29Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:29Andrew Santino?

  You know what I mean? This isn't like, college is totally different.

• 12:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 12:32Andrew Santino?

  And that's why people get mad when the college player moves, but these guys want to make a living and get in before they're expired.

• 12:37Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:38Andrew Santino?

  And, or they get hurt.

• 12:39Speaker 07

  Well, you can see it because the leagues are adjusting. They're like, okay, you can do bat flips now. Or you can do celebrations now. Ratings are down.

• 12:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 12:47Speaker 07

  Oh, pitcher, you want to take your time? We don't care.

• 12:50Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't matter.

• 12:50Speaker 07

  It doesn't matter. People are bored.

• 12:52Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 12:52Speaker 07

  This is, I know the guy doing this, keeping score in the stadium, doesn't like this, but he doesn't know.

• 12:58Andrew Santino?

  Well, he'll be dead in 10 years.

• 12:59Speaker 07

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 13:00Andrew Santino?

  And you gotta move on.

• 13:01Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. He'll die in that seat. That's where he wants to die.

• 13:04Andrew Santino?

  Yes. The radio guy, I love radio, man. I see.

• 13:07Speaker 07

  I love, guy listening to radio at the game, yeah, yeah.

• 13:10Andrew Santino?

  I go back to Chicago. I see those guys at Wrigley, they're still there.

• 13:14Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 13:14Andrew Santino?

  And, and it, it's beautiful to watch, but you know that's a dying breed. That's why they sped up baseball. Because they were like, this is enough. They sped up hockey. Like they sped up everything to be like, it's gotta be more.

• 13:25Speaker 07

  Yeah. You remember in hockey when they tried to do the?

• 13:27Andrew Santino?

  The puck on Fox.

• 13:28Speaker 07

  Yeah, they tried the puck.

• 13:30Andrew Santino?

  The puck on Fox. Follow the hot puck on Fox. Everyone got mad.

• 13:34Speaker 07

  Yeah. Is there a sport that has a bigger drop off from live to TV than hockey? Cause live, I think it's the best sport.

• 13:42Andrew Santino?

  Best live sport I've ever, unequivocally, we've talked about this.

• 13:45Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 13:46Andrew Santino?

  It is untouchable live. The most energy I've ever seen.

• 13:49Speaker 07

  You're on your feet. You can't like, it's, it's so, it's so good. There's gonna be a fight. Unwatchable.

• 13:54Andrew Santino?

  Unwatchable.

• 13:55Speaker 07

  It's tough and I like it. I mean, I'm getting into it now because we just got the Kraken and I'm like learning. You're like, what's icing? You know, like, it's funny to pick up a sport at 40.

• 14:04Andrew Santino?

  How are they off sides when they're all on all sides?

• 14:06Speaker 07

  I don't get it.

• 14:07Andrew Santino?

  It is, it is interesting.

• 14:08Speaker 07

  And then they explain it to you and like, nah, I still don't get it.

• 14:11Andrew Santino?

  Well, line changes, like changes are something I had to learn as a kid because I didn't understand.

• 14:14Speaker 07

  Coming and going.

• 14:15Andrew Santino?

  Well, because I was a basketball kid and so subbing is such a big deal, but that's, you have to sub in at the, at the break.

• 14:20Speaker 07

  Subbing, you have to like call the president. You gotta like check in. You gotta sign your, you gotta give them your social security number. It's so grandiose. My daughter plays volleyball and the same thing. It's very, you gotta do this like weird little tag in with the teammate and stuff. I'm like, just hockey, they're like.

• 14:37Andrew Santino?

  Go.

• 14:37Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 14:38Andrew Santino?

  Get out. Go.

• 14:38Speaker 07

  They literally, you're putting your foot over the thing. It's great. It's very fun. Yeah.

• 14:42Andrew Santino?

  You're right. That's the biggest drop off I've seen that live, live to television. And also let's do the, the, the inverse of that. I prefer NFL on TV.

• 14:52Speaker 07

  Football on TV is so much better.

• 14:53Andrew Santino?

  It's just so much better.

• 14:54Speaker 07

  I'll never, the last, the last NFL game that I went to was, I went to the Beastquake game where the seven and nine Seahawks is a famous Marshawn Lynch run.

• 15:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 15:04Speaker 07

  Caused an earthquake. Seven and nine Seahawks, shouldn't have been in the playoffs.

• 15:07Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 15:08Speaker 07

  Hosted a playoff game and we're going against the Saints who had won the Super Bowl the year before.

• 15:13Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 15:14Speaker 07

  And Marshawn has the crazy run. It's unbelievable. He does the crotch grab going into the end zone. I remember walking out going, I'll never go to another game.

• 15:22Andrew Santino?

  That was, that's it.

• 15:23Speaker 07

  It'll never get better. I'll never go to another, I'll never pay for an NFL game.

• 15:26Andrew Santino?

  Right, right.

• 15:27Speaker 07

  You know, our job has hookups every once in a while. It's like one of the perks. Um, and I've gone to college games. Sense and college is different and I went to the Sugar Bowl last year with my kid in New Orleans. I was great.

• 15:37Andrew Santino?

  That's cool.

• 15:37Speaker 07

  College is different, but the pro, it's unbelievable.

• 15:40Andrew Santino?

  It's just tough to be at like, well, we went to go see, we went to University of Michigan to go see the big house in Ann Arbor to see them. Uh, get smushed by the ducks.

• 15:48Speaker 07

  Mm hmm.

• 15:48Andrew Santino?

  Uh, which, you know, like as a, as an old school Pac 12 guy, do, do love to see that. I do, even though they're all dissolved now.

• 15:55Speaker 07

  I mean, I don't at all. I mean, I hate.

• 15:56Andrew Santino?

  I know you do. I know you do.

• 15:58Speaker 07

  Yeah. You're not rooting for Arizona.

• 15:59Andrew Santino?

  I just like that. I just like that a Pac 12 team. Because look dude, I grew up, my dad went to an SEC school, went to Tennessee. So.

• 16:05Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 16:05Andrew Santino?

  I always heard like, you know, those schools are bullshit. You guys are bullshit.

• 16:09Speaker 07

  Yeah. There's anything Tennessee knows about it's winning championships.

• 16:14Speaker 07

  I'd love to hear your lecture on this.

• 16:16Andrew Santino?

  T Martin, T Martin though, as soon as Peyton leaves.

• 16:18Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 16:19Andrew Santino?

  The next guy comes in and does it.

• 16:20Speaker 07

  I, uh, this is, it's so funny. I was on Nate Lamb, Bragazi's pod about this like a couple of weeks ago yelling about this.

• 16:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:27Speaker 07

  So you're Midwest guy, went to Arizona, live on the West Coast. I'm all West Coast, but I've, we go everywhere. Where you, where I actually live is in a courtyard Marriott. That's where I actually live. That's.

• 16:40Andrew Santino?

  I live at that executive lounge, baby.

• 16:41Speaker 07

  I have an impossibly high status with, they don't even know what the, after I got titanium elite, they're like, I don't. We don't have anything more for you.

• 16:49Andrew Santino?

  Mr. Nicholson, are you a partner in Marriott now?

• 16:51Speaker 07

  No, they go here and they're like, dude, you should go home.

• 16:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:54Speaker 07

  They decided to look in it's the name of my children. They're like. Like Joel misses you like, oh, all right.

• 16:59Andrew Santino?

  You have pictures in the hallway on the way to the room of your kids and family?

• 17:02Speaker 07

  Yeah. Instead of the Marriott family, it's just my kids.

• 17:07Speaker 07

  Pictures of me photoshopped into them. No, I'm a very involved father. Uh, but I, this is like. The SEC does this and, and respect like, but you were an issue guy like. As someone who follows college football, like I'm not scared of the SEC. We're scared, we were scared of Nick Saban.

• 17:24Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent.

• 17:25Speaker 07

  Nick Saban, and yes, LSU won in there and yes, Georgia, which, but it was Nick Saban's era.

• 17:29Andrew Santino?

  We were scared of, Bama's the, the Goliath.

• 17:32Speaker 07

  That was the Goliath. I mean, Washington with the college football playoff twice during there. One of them, we lost to Saban. Like that's what you do. But now ASU winning the big 12, Oregon, not just winning the big 10.

• 17:44Andrew Santino?

  Sweeping, destroying.

• 17:46Speaker 07

  Crushing.

• 17:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Annihilating.

• 17:47Speaker 07

  Beating Penn State, Ohio. I mean, it's, and, and, and games that are close and they go in to have a little team from Eugene, Oregon, which by the way, if you've ever been to Eugene, which I'm sure you have. It's all they have. And to go in and win the Big Ten is so satisfying, but that being said, I hope they their stadium burns down. I was thinking about this, cause like if you're a wa- like Oregon, like they're now that it's pay for play, it does take like a little of the shine off of college football to me. Like a little, cause everyone's transferring.

• 18:17Andrew Santino?

  It's now it's a matte finish, it's not shiny, it's matte.

• 18:19Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 18:19Andrew Santino?

  You're like, it's nice, but it's.

• 18:21Speaker 07

  I still like it.

• 18:22Andrew Santino?

  It still just doesn't look as cool as when it's shiny, shiny and pretty.

• 18:26Speaker 07

  It's like when you like, he's like, oh, is that a vintage shirt? Oh, it's like new vintage. Oh, so it's not.

• 18:30Andrew Santino?

  They remade it?

• 18:31Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:33Andrew Santino?

  I mean, it's cool.

• 18:34Speaker 07

  Yeah, I see the vintage clothes over there. Yeah.

• 18:36Andrew Santino?

  Well, this kid, this kid is, he's a 25 year old, so all of I know about fashion from when I was a kid is literally being handed to him now. It is so funny that the, you know, the old, your parents are like, oh, we used to wear that when we were blah blah blah. And I'm saying the same thing to him, cause he's like my son.

• 18:49Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:49Andrew Santino?

  And it's genuinely, he wears shit that I wore when I was 12.

• 18:52Speaker 07

  Yep, 100%.

• 18:53Andrew Santino?

  So, anything I have around the house, I just give to him.

• 18:55Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 18:56Andrew Santino?

  And he loves it, dude.

• 18:57Speaker 07

  So my son, I've, I, we had our kids young. My son's a senior in high school.

• 19:01Andrew Santino?

  Holy shit.

• 19:02Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, I got like old kid, he's a, almost a full adult man.

• 19:06Andrew Santino?

  Is he bigger than you?

• 19:06Speaker 07

  He is taller than me.

• 19:07Andrew Santino?

  I hate that. When I see that, that makes me so sad.

• 19:09Speaker 07

  Yeah, I, yes, but also I'm 5'8", so I'm happy for my son, he's not.

• 19:15Andrew Santino?

  5'8", right. But you landed a beautiful woman, so even if he was short, he could too. Your short kings do win.

• 19:20Speaker 07

  You have to be so charming.

• 19:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and you are.

• 19:23Speaker 07

  Well, thank you.

• 19:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're blessed. Yeah, you're blessed. Your son doesn't have to have as much of a personality.

• 19:28Speaker 07

  No, and he doesn't. No, he's great. He's awesome. He's actually oddly like, he's very cool. Like he's, so we live in San Diego and he's just like a chill San Diego bro.

• 19:38Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 19:39Speaker 07

  Like just big lifeguard energy.

• 19:40Andrew Santino?

  Surfer guy?

• 19:41Speaker 07

  Skates, surfs.

• 19:42Andrew Santino?

  Love.

• 19:43Speaker 07

  So, uh, he's a runner. He's probably gonna run in college. He's a distance runner. So he clocks about a 420 mile.

• 19:49Andrew Santino?

  420?

• 19:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:50Andrew Santino?

  In the mile?

• 19:51Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, okay.

• 19:52Speaker 07

  Very fast, yeah.

• 19:52Andrew Santino?

  That's insane.

• 19:54Speaker 07

  Yeah, I, uh, we were out a while back, I was, me and a couple comics, we were on like Lime scooters and we got up to 15 miles an hour and I go, hold this for a mile. That's my son running.

• 20:03Andrew Santino?

  Oh my god.

• 20:04Speaker 07

  It's crazy. It's so, there's.

• 20:05Andrew Santino?

  That's beautiful.

• 20:06Speaker 07

  It's so, we went to state up in Fresno. You know, like a couple of weeks ago, like and your kid being there qualifying like going to state if like you're like a small school in, you know, Iowa is one thing, going to the highest level like D1.

• 20:20Andrew Santino?

  In California.

• 20:21Speaker 07

  In the state of California.

• 20:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the state that is the country basically in size.

• 20:25Speaker 07

  This is my favorite thing too, when they bring it back to the SEC when they're like, it just means more in the South. I'm like, all these kids are from California.

• 20:31Andrew Santino?

  Right, all of, literally all of them, yeah.

• 20:33Speaker 07

  These are not all kids who are.

• 20:34Andrew Santino?

  Every single one says Riverside, Fresno, Sacramento, every one of those kids when you see where their hometown is.

• 20:39Speaker 07

  They're all from Florida, Texas, California. Those are the three loud states in America that produce athletes. They're the most vocal people, family members in America.

• 20:48Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 20:49Speaker 07

  So it's so crazy to watch your kid do that and achieve that, but in addition to that, he sells vintage clothes. He like goes like to bins, like Goodwill bins, not like Goodwill.

• 20:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know what you're talking about.

• 21:01Speaker 07

  It's like him, it's like him and Mexican families looking for sheets. And he's like, what's up? And like they, and he's just thumbing and he'll get it and he has like, he has his own Depop as you probably know, it's like an online app that you sell stuff. He's like doing a vintage market that he sets up. It's unbelievable. It's so fun. And same thing, he'll like, he like, his grail, you probably get that it's when you find your grail, was he found a pair of Jinko's.

• 21:27Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Jinko jeans.

• 21:28Speaker 07

  And I was like.

• 21:29Andrew Santino?

  They're probably mine.

• 21:30Speaker 07

  They're so popular right now. I was like, they're, you didn't know this?

• 21:33Andrew Santino?

  No, are they back?

• 21:34Speaker 07

  Jinko's are back, back.

• 21:35Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 21:36Speaker 07

  If we would have held on to them.

• 22:03Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola, para todos. Compra una Coca-Cola en una tienda cerca de usted.

• 22:08Andrew Santino?

  God, I gotta call my mom. My mom does still have stuff at the house.

• 22:10Speaker 07

  I know. I described me, he's like, "Dad, did you ever have Jinkos?" I was like, "Oh dude, we were poor, so like that, that's all I got one year."

• 22:16Andrew Santino?

  That's high shit.

• 22:17Speaker 07

  Yeah, that was, and it was a pair of black Jinkos. Uh, they were called the Skunks, and they had a white stripe going down.

• 22:24Andrew Santino?

  Ooh.

• 22:24Speaker 07

  And my, uh, my single father, union working for the, at the airport, was like, "Well, this is all your back-to-school money." Like, this is the full thing.

• 22:33Andrew Santino?

  Those were ninety-six dollar jeans.

• 22:34Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, back then, so five hundred dollars now.

• 22:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, a thousand dollars in today's times.

• 22:38Speaker 07

  Yeah, and I was like, "I guess I'll just wear these every day, Dad."

• 22:40Andrew Santino?

  And what was below them, by the way, skate shoes?

• 22:42Speaker 07

  Oh, of course.

• 22:43Andrew Santino?

  We talking Airwalks?

• 22:44Speaker 07

  No, no, Airwalks, because we were poor. Etnies, like, Etnies was high end.

• 22:48Andrew Santino?

  That is a little fancy.

• 22:48Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, Airwalks, you could get for cheaper. Airwalks are in Payless shoes now, yeah.

• 22:52Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 22:53Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 22:54Andrew Santino?

  Man.

• 22:54Speaker 07

  That was, because you grew up with some humble roots, too. The shoes were always so embarrassing.

• 22:58Andrew Santino?

  Well, shoes were, here's the problem, is like, uh, shoes, shoes became, we were in the era, especially in Chicago, when Jordans were, uh, they feel like they were gold-plated, they were such a coveted things.

• 23:10Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 23:11Andrew Santino?

  So when I got my first pair of Jordans, I was so scared to kind of wear them. I didn't really want to rock them.

• 23:16Speaker 07

  Right, right.

• 23:16Andrew Santino?

  A, because, uh...

• 23:17Speaker 07

  You didn't want to get the creases, you didn't want to get the smudges, yeah.

• 23:20Andrew Santino?

  You don't screw them up, and then also you're like, "Well, I don't want anybody to like beat me up for these."

• 23:24Speaker 07

  Oh, oh, yeah.

• 23:25Andrew Santino?

  I don't want to get beat up for these. I mean, the starter jacket was the big fear. My mother never wanted me to have a starter jacket.

• 23:29Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 23:30Andrew Santino?

  And I did end up getting a bold starter jacket, but she knew, because the news, the WGN would be like, "Kids are getting beat up for starter jackets left and right." And my mom was like, "You're very beat-up-able. I don't want to give you this."

• 23:40Speaker 07

  Yeah, sorry.

• 23:41Andrew Santino?

  A redheaded, skinny, white kid, it's like, "You're very beat-up-able."

• 23:43Speaker 07

  I love when parents give you an honest moment like that. My, my, like, so the neighborhood we grew up in, it's all nice now, which is crazy, because it was very bad when I grew up there, but we were in an area that was pretty rough. Our school, you couldn't ride bikes to school, because they kept getting stolen.

• 24:01Andrew Santino?

  Ah.

• 24:01Speaker 07

  And I remember my bike got stolen, uh, by this kid named Jacoby.

• 24:05Andrew Santino?

  We know him, we know him, yeah, we know him well.

• 24:06Speaker 07

  And, uh...

• 24:07Andrew Santino?

  Constant thief.

• 24:08Speaker 07

  Yeah, and my dad goes, "I'm sorry, son." I was like, "Dad, my bike got stolen, we gotta go get it." And my dad goes, "Your bike got stolen by the wrong family."

• 24:19Speaker 07

  Like in other words, like, I'm not getting involved.

• 24:20Andrew Santino?

  I don't do that.

• 24:21Speaker 07

  I'm gonna get my car stolen if I get involved in this.

• 24:25Andrew Santino?

  The kid steals bikes, the dad steals cars, yeah.

• 24:28Speaker 07

  The kid who's stealing bikes, it's not like he's going to home to some great home and some... My dad's not gonna knock on that door.

• 24:34Andrew Santino?

  No, you gotta let that one go.

• 24:35Speaker 07

  This is not some like Leave It To Beaver, like, good old fashioned, "I'll go tell that dad what his kid..." That dad was probably told the kid to do it.

• 24:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 24:42Speaker 07

  He looked at like little 90-pound me and he's like, "That's a stealable bike."

• 24:45Andrew Santino?

  He's like, "Dustin, take that kid's bike."

• 24:47Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even need to see him. Dustin.

• 24:49Andrew Santino?

  Dustin, take his bike.

• 24:50Speaker 07

  Dustin.

• 24:50Andrew Santino?

  That's a bike stealing kid.

• 24:52Speaker 07

  What was that last name?

• 24:55Speaker 04

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 24:58Andrew Santino?

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• 25:42Andrew Santino?

  It's incredible what you can do in such a small amount of space and with a little bit of time. Uh, full-body burn with the new Aero HIIT workouts, the perfect blend of heart pumping cardio and strength. You've seen Tonal before. I know you've seen it on the telly. But, uh, Tonal 2 analyzes your movement, senses when you're fatiguing, and will drop weight, uh, till your muscles are maxed out. So, they know what's going on. It's incredible. These things are so easy to put inside of your home. Uh, and, uh, you know, over time, gyms get very expensive. They get super pricey, super crowded, super nasty, and you get one athlete's foot infection from the showers, and you're gonna go, "Man, I wish I was working out at home." And right now, Tonal is offering our listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code WHISKY. You know what it is. That's Tonal.com. Use the promo code WHISKY for $200 off your purchase. That's Tonal.com, T-O-N-

• 26:28Andrew Santino?

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• 27:12Andrew Santino?

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• 28:12Speaker 05

  Ginger. I like gingers.

• 28:15Andrew Santino?

  The fashion, the rise of when we were kids of how expensive things started to get was kind of. It was crazy. Like, I remember like, if you had a lot of Abercrombie, that was, that's crazy money. Cause those shirts were like, really expensive. So kids that had a lot of it, like, girls in school that wore a lot of it. I was like, that's, that's big money.

• 28:32Speaker 07

  It just like, looked expensive too. That was the first store that I remembered like, oh, I'm too poor to even go in.

• 28:38Andrew Santino?

  Right, they even said that at the door.

• 28:40Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, the mannequin said it.

• 28:41Andrew Santino?

  Excuse me.

• 28:43Speaker 07

  There's just that shirtless mannequin going, uh huh.

• 28:44Andrew Santino?

  Not you. Sir, not you. I always felt ugly, uh, going into stores where cool kids could shop.

• 28:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:51Andrew Santino?

  So I would kind of avoid it a little bit. I mean, I was a lanky, redheaded kid. I thought I was cool. I probably was okay on the cool scale.

• 28:57Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 28:57Andrew Santino?

  But stores like that really upped my insecurity because everybody that was hot, they looked like hot high school kids. You know, you know the image that they have when they're like, and I tried to be it sometimes, but it's never worked.

• 29:09Speaker 07

  Yeah, and they had money too.

• 29:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 29:11Speaker 07

  It's, and high school seemed like there was such a correlation between hot and rich.

• 29:15Andrew Santino?

  Well, and now, it looks like every time I go past a high school, or see high school kids in public.

• 29:20Speaker 07

  Right.

• 29:21Andrew Santino?

  They're all rich.

• 29:21Speaker 07

  When you're looking at them.

• 29:22Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, are they, are they, are they all rich? Is every high school kid rich? Everywhere I go, I see high school kids eating at like, nice restaurants and like, what?

• 29:30Speaker 07

  If they even.

• 29:31Andrew Santino?

  Here, but even, no dude, but even when I'm in the valley, you know, where I stay. Even in the valley. I know it's kind of crazy.

• 29:37Speaker 07

  If they don't, like, it's, yeah, they are, everything is so expensive, that if you even see a kid donning, like, showing their face in public. Like, then you have to assume they come from money. Cause the rest of them are working.

• 29:50Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're all, so, yeah, yeah, they're working.

• 29:52Speaker 07

  They're in jobs, yeah, they're not at school. They're trying, they're, they're the third job.

• 29:54Andrew Santino?

  Well, I had job, that's me, I had, I had a jo, I had to have a job unless my sport was in season. That was like, my dad's kind of rule.

• 30:00Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:01Andrew Santino?

  Even then.

• 30:01Speaker 07

  What was your first job?

• 30:03Andrew Santino?

  My very first job was McDonald's. I was 15, shout out to McDo.

• 30:06Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:06Andrew Santino?

  Shout out to McDo, working the window, and we got fired.

• 30:09Speaker 07

  Oh, I heard you tell Papa this. Yeah, yeah, it was like, you were like, stealing.

• 30:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, I, Chris, Chris, Chris knows. Chris stole more than I did, to be honest. Like, those guys stole, Chris and Colin stole more. They stole cash.

• 30:21Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:21Andrew Santino?

  I stole food.

• 30:24Speaker 07

  I mean, you were gonna throw that out anyways.

• 30:25Andrew Santino?

  That's what I'm saying. It wasn't gonna go anywhere. So, we would give our friends meals through the window.

• 30:29Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:30Andrew Santino?

  Did I steal money too? I did, for sure. But, well, it was not a lot. It would be like I'd keep the change.

• 30:34Speaker 07

  You'd steal from the customers, not the business.

• 30:36Andrew Santino?

  No, I'd steal from the business. Yeah.

• 30:38Speaker 07

  They've gotta know.

• 30:39Andrew Santino?

  They, they don't care. It's McDonald's.

• 30:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 30:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, so I did McDonald's was my first job.

• 30:43Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 30:44Andrew Santino?

  Uh, and then it was YMCA, um, uh, uh, bas- I was a basketball, uh, I wanted to coach basketball, but it was really babysitting. It's all, I mean, it wasn't, it was like.

• 30:55Speaker 07

  What age? I've been around a lot of youth sports. I wanna hear about this.

• 30:58Andrew Santino?

  They were like five to eight, five to nine. So, it was babysitting.

• 31:01Speaker 07

  Yeah. Yeah, but you're still gonna have some crappy parents in there. Who wanna win.

• 31:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they come around. Yeah. Well, the hardest thing was then they pushed me into, they were like, uh, lifeguarding paid a little bit more. I think it was like two more dollars an hour.

• 31:11Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:11Andrew Santino?

  So, I was like, Jesus Christ, so I can buy a house with this now, two more dollars an hour. So, when I got lifeguarding.

• 31:16Speaker 07

  I can afford McDonald's now.

• 31:18Andrew Santino?

  I'm a billionaire. And then they asked if I wanted to coach swimming because that, that, that was even more an hour.

• 31:24Speaker 07

  Yeah. Are you a good swimmer?

• 31:25Andrew Santino?

  No. I never swam in my life. I was a basketball, baseball, football player. I had no idea about swimming.

• 31:30Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. But you could swim.

• 31:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but I mean, I shouldn't be teaching these kids how to swim.

• 31:34Speaker 07

  No.

• 31:34Andrew Santino?

  I don't.

• 31:35Speaker 07

  You're just like, go do it.

• 31:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, go. Or I would just steal instructions from another coach.

• 31:39Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:40Andrew Santino?

  And then the parents.

• 31:40Speaker 07

  Just listening.

• 31:41Andrew Santino?

  The parents, especially the Asian parents, would get very mad at me because I had no discipline. And they actually wanted their kids to get good.

• 31:47Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:47Andrew Santino?

  And the parents would have conversation with me, would be like, what are you, what are you teaching the kid? What, uh, what, what is this drill? I'm like, you know, this is something that we believe also. It's a YMCA, lady.

• 31:56Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 31:56Andrew Santino?

  You wanna go to get a private coach, go get a private coach.

• 31:58Speaker 07

  Yeah, this is not the place for this.

• 32:00Andrew Santino?

  I'm a high school kid. I'm, I'm, I'm barely here.

• 32:02Speaker 07

  Yeah, you're not paying enough to be picky.

• 32:04Andrew Santino?

  Mm-mm. And I also used to fall asleep in the lifeguard chair a lot.

• 32:07Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 32:08Andrew Santino?

  I got yelled at a lot for that.

• 32:09Speaker 07

  Did you have sunglasses on? It was indoor. You were in Chicago.

• 32:11Andrew Santino?

  It was indoor. Indoor. Yeah, it was indoor.

• 32:13Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. Out here, they're, they're, all the pools are outside here in California. And I'm always there looking at them. Sometimes I wanna be like to my kid, I'm like, just pretend to drown, see if they. Let's see if we can get a 17-year-old fired.

• 32:26Andrew Santino?

  Because genuinely, it'd be so hot in those indoor pools.

• 32:28Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 32:29Andrew Santino?

  And the heat would be radiating in the winter and it was so cozy and comfortable.

• 32:33Speaker 07

  Dude, these Californians don't know about indoor pool life.

• 32:35Andrew Santino?

  Uh-uh, they don't have it.

• 32:35Speaker 07

  That's all we had growing up.

• 32:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude.

• 32:37Speaker 07

  And it was such a big deal to go swimming.

• 32:39Andrew Santino?

  Yes, huge.

• 32:40Speaker 07

  And you'd make a birthday party out of it.

• 32:42Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent.

• 32:42Speaker 07

  It'd be a huge deal. Federway with the Federway Public Pool, had a diving board.

• 32:46Andrew Santino?

  Nice.

• 32:46Speaker 07

  Uh, it was so fun till I got back knee, and then I'd swim with a shirt on.

• 32:52Speaker 07

  Cause you know what? That's still embarrassing.

• 32:53Andrew Santino?

  You weren't a fat kid, though.

• 32:55Speaker 07

  No, I was a very scrawny kid, but I had bad acne.

• 32:57Andrew Santino?

  Because a fat kid with bad acne is even worse with back knee. That's bad.

• 33:00Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 33:01Andrew Santino?

  That is, you can't double down.

• 33:02Speaker 07

  You feel bad.

• 33:03Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 33:03Speaker 07

  It doesn't cross, it doesn't cancel each other out.

• 33:05Andrew Santino?

  It's so sad.

• 33:06Speaker 07

  You'd like it to. You'd be like, actually, fat with pimples works, but it doesn't.

• 33:09Andrew Santino?

  It doesn't. It's like my theory about adults. And this is a rude theory, but if you're fat, you can't be bald. And if you're bald, you can't be fat. You gotta pick.

• 33:16Speaker 07

  No, which I'm trying to lose weight as I lose hair.

• 33:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you have to.

• 33:19Speaker 07

  I sense that.

• 33:20Andrew Santino?

  These two things need to go with the exact same skill.

• 33:21Speaker 07

  Yeah, I'm like, I need to go like this as that goes.

• 33:23Andrew Santino?

  Because a bald, skinny, in shape guy, still hot, cool.

• 33:27Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 33:27Andrew Santino?

  A lot of, a lot of people you see in the older years, like when you're still, like yours, your dad, is your dad bald? Mm-hmm. Yeah, he's bald, but he's in great shape.

• 33:34Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 33:34Andrew Santino?

  And he's a good-looking guy.

• 33:35Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 33:36Andrew Santino?

  But if he was fat.

• 33:37Speaker 07

  Charming. Does he have money?

• 33:38Andrew Santino?

  He's...

• 33:39Speaker 07

  Ish?

• 33:40Andrew Santino?

  Does he have money? Does he have money? Is that what he said?

• 33:43Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 33:44Andrew Santino?

  No, he has three, three kids who are in college. They don't have money. No, no. They come from very like, normal Midwest, like...

• 33:49Speaker 07

  Great.

• 33:50Andrew Santino?

  Nice Midwest people. He works for the Special Olympics.

• 33:51Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 33:51Andrew Santino?

  He works for the Special Olympics.

• 33:52Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, that's nice. Yeah, so...

• 33:54Andrew Santino?

  But he's good-looking?

• 33:55Speaker 07

  Hopefully he's not stealing from that company.

• 33:56Andrew Santino?

  He is. They'll never see it coming.

• 33:58Speaker 07

  That's his McDonald's. They'll never see it coming.

• 34:01Andrew Santino?

  Ironically, those kids also work at McDonald's. That's kind of the transition. They go right from the Special Olympics to, that's how they recruit.

• 34:08Andrew Santino?

  They don't even need to see their 40 time. They just go, who's on the line?

• 34:11Speaker 07

  I've never seen someone set up that job fair there. When I was at, at my son's, not the meet, not state meet, the one right before that, where he like, he qualified for state. You know, they have all the things that like, hey, you know, this is could be, think about your future here. There's college recruiters and stuff. There's like little job fairs. And there was one that was, uh, Raising Canes.

• 34:32Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:33Speaker 07

  The chicken company, right next to the Marines.

• 34:36Andrew Santino?

  Mmm.

• 34:36Speaker 07

  And I was like, I mean, these are, is that what they're saying? Like, these are high schoolers' two choices.

• 34:42Andrew Santino?

  Work at Raising Canes.

• 34:43Speaker 07

  Yeah, you get Raising Canes Marines, and honestly?

• 34:46Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna end up at, you're gonna end up there anyway.

• 34:48Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:48Andrew Santino?

  One of the two, you're gonna go.

• 34:49Speaker 07

  Yeah, based on the care that we give our veterans, it's actually, you're just delaying till you get to Raising Canes. Unfortunately. It sucks.

• 34:55Andrew Santino?

  By the way, inside a local Raising Canes now, they're gonna implement a lot of the VA's, so the hospital will be inside of a Raising Canes.

• 35:04Andrew Santino?

  If you wanna know where the future for veteran care is, never mind the fact that we're giving away hundreds of billions of dollars to other countries, but our veterans are struggling.

• 35:10Speaker 07

  The healthcare is just all chicken-based.

• 35:12Andrew Santino?

  We're doing a-

• 35:14Speaker 07

  Chicken-based medicine.

• 35:15Andrew Santino?

  They prescribe you a hot spicy?

• 35:17Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 35:17Andrew Santino?

  A veteran's like, "My neck is killing me," they're like, "Let me tell you something about our number two meal."

• 35:22Andrew Santino?

  "We're gonna send you home with a belly full. Your neck will still be in pain."

• 35:25Speaker 07

  Yeah, we're really sorry about that.

• 35:26Andrew Santino?

  I lived with a guy who was a comedian, I won't mention, who was a veteran and did go to the VA, and would tell me how unbelievably atrocious it was.

• 35:34Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 35:35Andrew Santino?

  And he would, he would be like, "Dude, it's so crazy, I couldn't get an appointment for like months and months for something that was really plaguing him."

• 35:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 35:41Andrew Santino?

  And when he would go in, he's like, "It's, it's a joke. It's like they gave him Advil." He's like, "I have Advil."

• 35:46Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 35:47Andrew Santino?

  "I have Advil."

• 35:48Speaker 07

  It's so sad, and it's like when you, when you see, like when you see a veteran on the street.

• 35:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 35:54Speaker 07

  You're just like, really, when you see almost anyone on the street, you're like, "This is a government failure."

• 35:58Andrew Santino?

  Big time.

• 35:59Speaker 07

  Like-

• 36:00Andrew Santino?

  Big time.

• 36:00Speaker 07

  You know, like you put drugs on the street, like, over-prescribed, under-prescribed, whatever, we didn't care for our veterans, we didn't provide mental health stuff, like, and this is just our problem. Okay.

• 36:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 36:12Speaker 07

  Oh, okay.

• 36:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's us. It's on you.

• 36:14Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 36:14Andrew Santino?

  The government's wasting away billions and billions of trillions, if not trillions of dollars.

• 36:18Speaker 07

  At least fill the potholes if you're gonna do that.

• 36:20Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 36:21Speaker 07

  At least give me smooth roads, if they're gonna be littered with homeless people.

• 36:25Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna hit bumps while I'm looking at sad stuff. You know, I wanna have smooth sailing when I'm looking at poverty.

• 36:29Speaker 07

  Yeah, and they make you feel like you're a bad person for being like, "This is an issue, we should do something, right?"

• 36:34Andrew Santino?

  And they're like, "Oh, is it?

• 36:36Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 36:36Andrew Santino?

  Is it really?

• 36:37Speaker 07

  Yeah, like make you feel bad, you're like, "Oh, like, oh, really, you're so upset about homeless people?" It's like, "No, that's a person, I care about them."

• 36:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'd like it to be fixed.

• 36:44Speaker 07

  I would like it to be fixed, I care about these business owners here, I care about all that kinda stuff, but you're right, this is my fault.

• 36:48Andrew Santino?

  My bad.

• 36:48Speaker 07

  A hundred percent, yep, my bad. I should've cared for the Vietnam vets better. That's on me. That's a hundred percent on me. I should've told us not to go Vietnam in the first place. That's on me, and then I should've cared for them.

• 37:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it is.

• 37:02Speaker 07

  My bad.

• 37:02Andrew Santino?

  And by the way, strap in because the draft is coming back, baby.

• 37:05Speaker 07

  Oh, is it?

• 37:06Andrew Santino?

  It's gotta be.

• 37:07Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 37:07Andrew Santino?

  I can feel it brewing.

• 37:08Speaker 07

  Yeah?

• 37:09Andrew Santino?

  This has gotta be. To think that World War III isn't going to break out, I think is very arrogant. It's a lot of arrogance to be like, "We already did two of them, we're done."

• 37:17Speaker 07

  Right.

• 37:17Andrew Santino?

  You really think? The problem was...

• 37:19Speaker 07

  Well, I don't think they... Well, go ahead.

• 37:20Andrew Santino?

  The two were started

• 37:21Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 37:21Andrew Santino?

  by the same cat.

• 37:22Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 37:23Andrew Santino?

  Okay? But this one, the new world, we just assumed that... That like, oh, some chaotic dictator that's trying to eradicate a race of people out in Europe. That's never gonna happen again, but you're like, "It is happening in a million other ways."

• 37:37Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:37Andrew Santino?

  You're just pretending that that... It doesn't look the same.

• 37:40Speaker 07

  Right.

• 37:41Andrew Santino?

  It just doesn't look the same. So to think that World War III is not coming, especially with technological warfare? Good luck, dude.

• 37:47Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 37:47Andrew Santino?

  We're in, dude. Strap up. And by the way, they're only gonna take people in their 50s, so it'll be us.

• 37:53Speaker 07

  Oh, man. I got nine years, huh?

• 37:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 37:56Speaker 07

  I gotta...

• 37:56Andrew Santino?

  I got eight.

• 37:57Speaker 07

  Do you... Don't you... When you think about like these big world events, I'm like so petty and selfish because I'm like, "That'd be awful." And then I'm like, "What's gonna happen in comedy?"

• 38:04Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, oh, I mean, I always tell him...

• 38:07Speaker 07

  "Am I gonna still have a job?"

• 38:08Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no. We're running out. You better save that money, baby.

• 38:11Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 38:11Andrew Santino?

  I say that to him, I'm like, "The boom is about to pop." I think we are...

• 38:15Speaker 07

  Oh, the comedy boom?

• 38:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 38:17Speaker 07

  Well, the good news is I haven't gotten in on it yet. So I'm trying to get that next boom. Everyone's like, "There's so much money in comedy yet." I was like, "Let me tell you about my sales in Oklahoma City this last week."

• 38:28Andrew Santino?

  You're waiting like when a plane continuously breaks the sound barrier? You're just waiting for the next...

• 38:33Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 38:34Andrew Santino?

  You're like, "Oh, that... I couldn't get that one or that one." I will get that one.

• 38:36Speaker 07

  No, no, no. I'm hoping for the next boom. I'm hoping for the next recession so I can buy a house and the next comedy boom.

• 38:43Andrew Santino?

  Well, San Diego, tough place to buy a house.

• 38:45Speaker 07

  Ain't impossible.

• 38:45Andrew Santino?

  My god, dude.

• 38:46Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:46Andrew Santino?

  That's like one of the richest... I mean, you're in North County, too.

• 38:51Speaker 07

  No, we're kinda east.

• 38:52Andrew Santino?

  By the college, right.

• 38:53Speaker 07

  Yeah, by the college, by SSU, yeah.

• 38:54Andrew Santino?

  That's not as ridiculous, but North County is like...

• 38:56Speaker 07

  Yeah, La Boy and stuff. It's crazy, like, "Do you wanna buy a house between Mitt Romney and Russell Wilson?"

• 39:03Speaker 07

  That's what they have, right here.

• 39:04Andrew Santino?

  That's what's available.

• 39:05Speaker 07

  Broncos money, Russell Wilson. Oh, okay.

• 39:07Andrew Santino?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 39:08Speaker 07

  So, yeah, it's, I don't even really care, like, home ownership is fake anyways.

• 39:14Andrew Santino?

  It is.

• 39:15Speaker 07

  Which is what you tell yourself when you're a renter.

• 39:16Andrew Santino?

  No, Ian Edwards used to talk to me about this all the time. Ian Edwards, the great Ian Edwards, would say, even when it's paid off, you still pay on it.

• 39:24Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 39:25Andrew Santino?

  How is it yours?

• 39:25Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 39:26Andrew Santino?

  It's never paid off.

• 39:27Speaker 07

  And they could take it.

• 39:28Andrew Santino?

  100%, it's their land.

• 39:29Speaker 07

  At any given point.

• 39:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 39:30Speaker 07

  At any given point, that thing's gone.

• 39:32Andrew Santino?

  You're still paying property taxes in a place.

• 39:34Speaker 07

  If I can't dig a hole without having to call a number, this is not my property.

• 39:38Andrew Santino?

  It's not mine, yeah.

• 39:39Speaker 07

  I gotta call before I dig.

• 39:40Andrew Santino?

  You moved a pipe, so we're gonna find you.

• 39:42Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 39:42Andrew Santino?

  But it's my house.

• 39:43Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:44Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not your house, buddy.

• 39:45Speaker 07

  No.

• 39:45Andrew Santino?

  It's, it's your, you have, you own some of the wood.

• 39:48Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 39:49Andrew Santino?

  But you don't own the grass.

• 39:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, do you, do you get the mind, like, some, I think as I get older, there's a couple of things I get as I get older, but one of them is like, the go disappear in the hills guy. I get it.

• 39:58Andrew Santino?

  Well, not to, not to, not to sniff your tush, but we, for a long time, looked at Washington, only because I have, there's a little weird crush on it, so I looked at that as my getaway. I've always wanted to end up on a lake. I always wanted to end up near water.

• 40:12Speaker 07

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:14Andrew Santino?

  So, yeah, I've sniffed around up there.

• 40:15Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:16Andrew Santino?

  I'll tell you off the show.

• 40:17Speaker 07

  A little Shalan area, a little Central.

• 40:19Andrew Santino?

  I'll tell you.

• 40:19Speaker 07

  Yeah, okay, yeah.

• 40:20Andrew Santino?

  After the show, I'll tell you some of my sneaky spots.

• 40:22Speaker 07

  Ooh, good.

• 40:22Andrew Santino?

  Some spots that I kinda, I don't know, that I just always had a little crush on it.

• 40:25Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 40:26Andrew Santino?

  And my wife likes it too. This will be the last house I ever live in, I do know that.

• 40:30Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 40:30Andrew Santino?

  I had a conversation with a...

• 40:31Speaker 07

  You're gonna kill yourself in it?

• 40:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:33Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were talking about that before.

• 40:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know, and don't leak it, don't leak it. Join the Patreon, you can see that video on the Patreon. No, but I've always thought this will be the last house that I own, because I just figured, even talking to my money man, he's like, yeah, renting is just as feasible in this current world.

• 40:52Speaker 07

  Yeah, we have like, we have enough money that we have a guy that we talk to about our money.

• 40:58Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 40:58Speaker 07

  And he's like, just rent, which just shows you how, like, usually you would own a home before you have, I talk to this guy about my money guy.

• 41:06Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 41:07Speaker 07

  You know, but...

• 41:07Andrew Santino?

  Not here, not in California. California's not, it's not feasible.

• 41:10Speaker 07

  I still like it, I mean, I, I, I choose to live, we could live anywhere we want in comedy, you know?

• 41:15Andrew Santino?

  Why San Diego?

• 41:16Speaker 07

  Well, I started there. So like my, I'm from Seattle, but my, we moved, I didn't, I had like a late start to comedy. I was 27 when I went to my first open mic.

• 41:25Andrew Santino?

  That's not that old. That's not like 30, you're not like Dangerfield.

• 41:27Speaker 07

  I mean, how old were you when you started?

• 41:28Andrew Santino?

  21, 22.

• 41:29Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was the oldest one at open mics.

• 41:32Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 41:32Speaker 07

  Who, well, I shouldn't say that. I was the oldest one who was new to open mics.

• 41:38Andrew Santino?

  There was a couple 30 year olds there that were still trudging around.

• 41:40Speaker 07

  50, 60 year olds. You missed some of the characters of open mics.

• 41:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's so fun.

• 41:44Speaker 07

  But I had a cool mic scene. Like, I have like a very, so San Diego is like a, I had like this great start, like, Bobby's out of San Diego originally, and there's been people who've come like before my era. Um, like Taylor Williamson and stuff like that. They were, you know, San Diego, Vicky Barbalak, stuff like, names like that. But my particular class was very strong and very driven. It was mostly, do you know Derrick Poston?

• 42:11Andrew Santino?

  Of course.

• 42:11Speaker 07

  He opened for Schultz, like Derrick Poston, Asana Mod.

• 42:13Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 42:13Speaker 07

  Uh, Brian Simpson.

• 42:15Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:15Speaker 07

  And Taylor Tomlinson, and me. That was kind of-

• 42:17Andrew Santino?

  We had Taylors from down there.

• 42:18Speaker 07

  Taylor's like my sister. She's like, uh, very close to me. Uh, yeah. Cause she was, Taylor and I are close, but we weren't close when we, I first started, cause that would have been age inappropriate for me to be friends with her.

• 42:30Andrew Santino?

  Well, cause she started when she was 17 or something?

• 42:31Speaker 07

  She was like a child. I mean, like, what am I gonna say? Like, how are classes? You know? You got a date for prom? Like, I don't know. But we got on the road around similar times. But it was like a very driven class. And there were other really good comics down there too. James Schrader and Ryan Hicks. Like, there were strong comics. So we, I started down in San Diego, but I had a day job.

• 42:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 42:53Speaker 07

  And the reason I'm still there is because my family's happy there. I, I would love to live in LA. It would be helpful to live in LA. But A, you don't need to, and B, like, my, it would be such a dick move to my family. Like, hey, everybody's happy here? You like your schools? You like your, uh, life, your friends? Hey, the guy who's already gone three to four days a week wants to live somewhere else.

• 43:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's not feasible.

• 43:16Speaker 07

  So that's why we're down in San Diego.

• 43:17Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's good. I mean, look, for me, I always wish I did it right. I mean, I started in Los Angeles, so I'm an idiot.

• 43:22Speaker 07

  Right.

• 43:22Andrew Santino?

  I'm a moron. I moved here-

• 43:23Speaker 07

  It's worked out okay.

• 43:24Andrew Santino?

  Well, but what a, I mean- In retrospect, uh, proud of it, but also shocked because a lot of people didn't, they always are like, oh, you started in Chicago. It's like, no, I'm from Chicago, but I moved from Arizona to here. I just started in the gut of this.

• 43:36Speaker 07

  Did you do any mics or anything in, at Arizona State?

• 43:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I mean, but that wasn't really a real thing. But I've talked about this. That, that, that, Phoenix has like five clubs now.

• 43:44Speaker 07

  It's huge.

• 43:45Andrew Santino?

  When I was there, dude, Tempe Improv.

• 43:46Speaker 07

  It's like the fourth biggest city in America now, too, right?

• 43:48Andrew Santino?

  It's insane. Tempe Improv was the only club and, um,

• 43:51Speaker 07

  Huge room.

• 43:51Andrew Santino?

  They had one open mic back then, like one, and you didn't. That was not a reality. It was just so hard.

• 43:57Speaker 07

  No, no, no.

• 43:58Andrew Santino?

  And so, back then, it was hard to do. That's why I wanted to get out as fast as I could. So the summer that I graduated, I packed up a U-Haul and moved to Long Beach and I started doing.

• 44:37Andrew Santino?

  Not just open mics, but like, you know, bringer shows, outside book shows where I pay 10 bucks.

• 44:42Speaker 07

  Some friends, some stuff.

• 44:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and I had to pay money to perform. That always kind of broke my heart because I didn't have any money. So I was like, this is kind of a bummer to pay to suck.

• 44:50Speaker 07

  What were you doing for work at the time?

• 44:52Andrew Santino?

  My first job in Long Beach was I worked at a, uh, I worked at a, I worked at a physical therapy office.

• 44:59Speaker 07

  Oh.

• 45:00Andrew Santino?

  Uh, as like an assist, as like a, they just needed like a, someone to like,

• 45:03Speaker 07

  As a sist?

• 45:04Andrew Santino?

  As a, yeah, I was, I was growing on everybody. Yeah. Just a physical drain.

• 45:08Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 45:09Andrew Santino?

  No, but I was just kind of, I was, I was dating a girl. I started seeing a chick, loosely dating a girl.

• 45:14Speaker 07

  I like how you got less respectful on the second telling of that. I was dating a girl. I was seeing this broad.

• 45:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah. Let me tell you about this bird I was porking.

• 45:24Andrew Santino?

  No, she, we were, we were barely, I mean, we were hanging out a lot, but she got me the job. It was actually really nice. She's like, they need kind of like a gopher around the office. I was like, I need that job.

• 45:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 45:32Andrew Santino?

  So I took that. That was my first job and then, then I was fighting to get. A P A job in Los Angeles, that's because I wanted to move up here. We were living in Long Beach.

• 45:39Speaker 07

  Right.

• 45:39Andrew Santino?

  So I finally got the P A job, which, oof, I mean, I was rolling in the money.

• 45:43Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 45:44Andrew Santino?

  Four hundred bucks a week before taxes, dude. I think I walked away with like, you know, I think it was like three twenty-six.

• 45:48Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 45:49Andrew Santino?

  After taxes. So I was, you know, I was rich, basically. I was rich.

• 45:52Speaker 07

  That was like lifeguarding.

• 45:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was the exact same money I made in high school, genuinely. The P A was like my first day. And then I had different day, then I worked in an office.

• 45:59Speaker 07

  And then you got on the road and got paid less.

• 46:01Andrew Santino?

  Significant. Oh, I lost a lot of money on the road. Yeah.

• 46:03Speaker 07

  You lose so much money on the road early on?

• 46:05Andrew Santino?

  And don't talk about speeding tickets and parking tickets. I got those rental cars. Love that, dude. Big fan of getting speeding tickets. I got five my first year on the road.

• 46:13Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah. And then you, uh, nice, congrats. Uh, and then you, and then you, uh, you're so, especially those like early, middle days where you're like, you have to avoid tolls.

• 46:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 46:24Speaker 07

  You can't, you can't pay a toll.

• 46:25Andrew Santino?

  Can't afford a toll. That's insane.

• 46:27Speaker 07

  What am I, a headliner?

• 46:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 46:28Speaker 07

  You're like, I can only afford the toll if I do well in merch this weekend.

• 46:32Andrew Santino?

  If I sell ten stickers and three shirts.

• 46:34Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. Can I trade the toll booth a koozie?

• 46:39Andrew Santino?

  You go up to, you just hand it to the guy. He's like, listen, dude, we don't take those anymore.

• 46:42Speaker 07

  No, it's, uh, it's one of my punchlines. It makes sense if you saw the whole twenty-five minutes.

• 46:48Andrew Santino?

  I can, I can send you the Facebook link. I can send it to you if you wanna, if you wanna watch it, you can, it's on there.

• 46:54Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 46:54Andrew Santino?

  That was, those were the days of like humming around, doing mics and then, uh, bouncing away from Long Beach. And I finally got to move up here.

• 47:02Speaker 07

  Right.

• 47:02Andrew Santino?

  In like oh seven, I moved, finally got a, I moved to a place in L A with a bunch of UCLA kids.

• 47:08Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 47:08Andrew Santino?

  In, uh, Culver City.

• 47:09Speaker 07

  Culver City? Nice.

• 47:11Andrew Santino?

  Not, no, was not, no. Different world back then. Different world. Oh seven, oh seven Culver City was not.

• 47:17Speaker 07

  No.

• 47:17Andrew Santino?

  Twenty twenty-four Culver City.

• 47:18Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 47:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, my Hyundai Sonata got broken into. They sold my, and they stole, all they stole was my C D book. And to this day, still want that book back, man, wherever you are.

• 47:27Speaker 07

  I mean.

• 47:28Andrew Santino?

  What a book I collected, dude.

• 47:29Speaker 07

  What more value would there be than in this Hyundai?

• 47:32Andrew Santino?

  It was unbelievable, too. It was, and it was, you know, four and four.

• 47:35Speaker 07

  Yeah, how, what thickness level? Or this is like a, like a single one or is the book?

• 47:39Andrew Santino?

  Four and four, four on each side.

• 47:41Speaker 07

  And just?

• 47:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, just layers of beauty.

• 47:43Speaker 07

  Card collection style.

• 47:44Andrew Santino?

  It's unbelievable.

• 47:44Speaker 07

  Yeah. Weighed twenty pounds.

• 47:46Andrew Santino?

  So many burned CDs in there from people that like, great, like, uh.

• 47:49Speaker 07

  I love how you weren't supporting artists. I love that.

• 47:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, couldn't afford it, yeah.

• 47:52Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 47:53Andrew Santino?

  Well, a lot of the other CDs were stolen as well. I mean, that was the other thing. Whether or not I stole it or I burned it, I was stealing it either way.

• 47:58Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:58Andrew Santino?

  It was Kazaa or Napster or, I was stealing all of it.

• 48:01Speaker 07

  I like to think in my heart that Eddie Vedder understood I was poor.

• 48:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he should've.

• 48:07Speaker 07

  Like, he hated Ticketmaster, and I did too.

• 48:10Andrew Santino?

  I still do.

• 48:10Speaker 07

  I still do.

• 48:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he sucked.

• 48:12Speaker 07

  You do. Your sales are on Ticketmaster. I haven't reached that level.

• 48:15Andrew Santino?

  They're a thief.

• 48:15Speaker 07

  I'm through Seat Engine still, I think. Or whatever La Jolla uses.

• 48:21Andrew Santino?

  Let me tell you, thank God for those lower, uh, those lower companies that still exist, because Ticketmaster is wiping the world.

• 48:28Speaker 07

  So criminal, yeah.

• 48:30Andrew Santino?

  When we put up our tickets, we're like, "Yeah, our tickets are $35." Then by the time they're done, it's like $86.42.

• 48:35Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. And they're like, "Oh, you're like, 'Oh, it's sold out.'" And you're like, "Oh, but no one's coming."

• 48:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they can't afford to get there.

• 48:41Speaker 07

  Oh, that's great. This'll be a great show.

• 48:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they can't be there.

• 48:44Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:44Andrew Santino?

  It's a sad reality that I've talked about with a lot of comics that, um, I wish there was an alternative version of selling tickets direct to customers, but it's so sad, because people will say, "Hey, I overpaid for these tickets," and you're like, "I didn't, we don't price it like that."

• 48:57Speaker 07

  Right.

• 48:58Andrew Santino?

  This machine that takes over. And, and by the way, you can restrict it. You can try. What I've tried to do is create artist sales for longer. So when we have artist code, I go, "Just make it two weeks," so they have two weeks instead of... So they have more time to buy it at tick, at artist prices.

• 49:12Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 49:12Andrew Santino?

  But that's the problem. The pre-sale stuff, like, people are like, "I don't know if I can be there in June. It's, it's, it's January."

• 49:17Speaker 07

  Well, the government's doing such a good job with our veterans. I'm sure they'll get on this soon, too.

• 49:21Andrew Santino?

  One of the same. Yeah, one of the same. One of the same. It, it, it is so funny. It's a, another big corporate scam that we have zero control over.

• 49:28Speaker 07

  None. You just have to take it.

• 49:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we just get hit.

• 49:30Speaker 07

  This is, this is why, like, I mean, I...

• 49:32Andrew Santino?

  This is why that guy got shot in New York. Alright, we'll be right, we'll be right. Sorry, sorry.

• 49:36Speaker 07

  Anyway, thanks for having me.

• 49:37Andrew Santino?

  Sorry about that.

• 49:38Speaker 07

  Wasn't me, though. It wasn't. No, this is like, of course, left and right are like a real thing. Like, you're a line, but the bigger gap is top and bottom.

• 49:45Andrew Santino?

  100%, yeah.

• 49:46Speaker 07

  And we're all bottoms.

• 49:47Andrew Santino?

  We're all bottoms.

• 49:48Speaker 07

  We're all bottoms, baby.

• 49:49Andrew Santino?

  I'm a power bottom.

• 49:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, you are.

• 49:54Andrew Santino?

  But we are all bottoms, yeah.

• 49:56Speaker 07

  Ah, to bottoms.

• 49:57Andrew Santino?

  Cheers, cheers. To bottoms, to bottoms. Bottoms up! Mmm. Good, good water. Uh, by the way, by the company that doesn't sponsor us, that's even funnier, too. Another, another supporting a machine that doesn't sponsor us at all.

• 50:09Speaker 07

  No, these are good people.

• 50:10Andrew Santino?

  Are they?

• 50:11Speaker 07

  You know the story here, right?

• 50:11Andrew Santino?

  I don't know anything about them.

• 50:12Speaker 07

  So, I, when Liquid Death first came out, I was making fun of it, because I was like, "This is how hard it is to get guys to drink water." You know, "Liquid Death." Can you kill your thirst? There you go, alright. And then, the story of it is the guy that created it got sober, and it was for people to drink at concerts so that you could hold something.

• 50:36Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 50:37Speaker 07

  Because that's one of the great parts about being at concerts, holding a beer.

• 50:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 50:40Speaker 07

  So it looks like this, and it feels like this, and it kind of feels like you're having beer. So it's good, and it's helping people get clean.

• 50:45Andrew Santino?

  I like that, that's fine.

• 50:46Speaker 07

  Isn't that fine?

• 50:47Andrew Santino?

  Well, I like drinking NAs now. Like, if I don't really feel like having a night.

• 50:50Speaker 07

  Oh yeah, and the placebo kind of works.

• 50:52Andrew Santino?

  It definitely works.

• 50:52Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 50:53Andrew Santino?

  My buddy Chris O'Connor, do you know him?

• 50:54Speaker 07

  Mm-mm.

• 50:55Andrew Santino?

  He's a great comic. O'Connor says, when he's doing a run of just drinking, he's like, "I'm a non-alcoholic tonight."

• 51:00Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 51:01Andrew Santino?

  "Tonight, I'm a non-alcoholic."

• 51:02Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 51:02Andrew Santino?

  He's like, "Traditionally, I'm an alcoholic." He's like, "But tonight, I'm a non-alcoholic."

• 51:05Speaker 07

  Well, and that's a very grown-up of you, too. Every once in a while, I'll text the wife, I'm like, "Hey, I don't want to, you know, get too ahead of myself here, but you want to crack a couple NAs tonight? You know, get a little skinny pop? A little skinny poppin' NAs, let's get a little wow."

• 51:18Andrew Santino?

  I might throw in a kombucha and catch a buzz on the patio.

• 51:21Speaker 07

  Good gut health.

• 51:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 51:23Speaker 07

  Maybe re-watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine?

• 51:27Andrew Santino?

  This is, this is romance in your 40s.

• 51:29Speaker 07

  Oh, 100%.

• 51:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's it. Well, you have three kids, so that's also hard to even get like, get into one each other when you have to pay attention to humans in your house, it's gotta be hard.

• 51:37Speaker 07

  Well, and they like, this is, they stay up late, and it's like...

• 51:42Andrew Santino?

  They're always around.

• 51:43Speaker 07

  No, you have to like, yeah, it's just con...

• 51:46Andrew Santino?

  Do you guys do staycations, where you go to a hotel?

• 51:48Speaker 07

  Every once in a while, and that's another nice thing about San Diego and stuff, you know, but they're also old enough that sometimes we're just like, "Bye, you know, we're out of here."

• 51:56Andrew Santino?

  18, he can take care of everybody.

• 51:57Speaker 07

  Yeah, and that's exactly it. And he is, like, I'm going to New York next week, and it's like, it's like a fun, big thing that's happening and stuff, so I'm just like, "Alright, mom's coming."

• 52:07Andrew Santino?

  Bye.

• 52:08Speaker 07

  And we kind of have that, like, mindset in our house, I'm like, "Mom takes care of you, and I take care of mom." That's like, kind of, so like, we'll go, like, I'm home for like, three or four nights this week, and like, one of the nights, we're going to a concert, we're like, "See you, guys."

• 52:21Andrew Santino?

  That's, you need that, that's good. How old is the youngest?

• 52:23Speaker 07

  She's 10.

• 52:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, she's fine, 10's fine, and also, it's a girl. Girl 10 is basically a boy 16.

• 52:29Speaker 07

  She's way more mature than the 17-year-old boy.

• 52:31Andrew Santino?

  That's what I'm saying, that's kind of, that, they are the same age.

• 52:34Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 52:34Andrew Santino?

  Culturally, they're the exact same age.

• 52:36Speaker 07

  No, she does our taxes. Very, very, she's way-

• 52:40Andrew Santino?

  Does she charge, or no?

• 52:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's pretty high rate, too, actually.

• 52:43Andrew Santino?

  Well, she's good!

• 52:44Speaker 07

  Yeah, she's a top.

• 52:45Andrew Santino?

  She comes in the room and she takes off her glasses, she lowers it off, she's like... You know, some of these charges I'm gonna have to talk to you guys about, because I am a little, I'm a little scared about some of this stuff.

• 52:52Speaker 07

  I'm going line by line. You can't write this off, Dad. What are you doing? I know that wasn't for work.

• 52:58Andrew Santino?

  What's the trip for New York for? You said it's special, do you want to talk about it, or no?

• 53:00Speaker 07

  Uh, when's this coming out?

• 53:02Andrew Santino?

  Whenever, I actually don't know. In a week or two? Well, it'll be over.

• 53:05Speaker 07

  Uh, I'm doing The Tonight Show on Tuesday.

• 53:07Andrew Santino?

  Well, this'll be, you'll be, this'll be, you'll have already done it. How did you do?

• 53:10Speaker 07

  I, great. I hope.

• 53:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I think you did great.

• 53:13Speaker 07

  This'll be so funny if it airs post, and I just bomb.

• 53:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no, no chance.

• 53:17Speaker 07

  Or it doesn't go out at all, you know?

• 53:18Andrew Santino?

  Our friend Laura Peek, who opens for me, just did it. Yeah, she just did it. And then they showed it at The Cellar this week. We were in this, we watched it, and we thought it was very-

• 53:25Speaker 07

  You were at The Cellar, yeah, that's great.

• 53:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was just a nice moment to watch-

• 53:28Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 53:28Andrew Santino?

  -her do this thing. I thought that was a beautiful, because she kills, she's so talented.

• 53:32Speaker 07

  She's so funny, yeah.

• 53:33Andrew Santino?

  I have her and another comic named Zach Townsend, another-

• 53:35Speaker 07

  Zach's great, Nashville guy, right?

• 53:36Andrew Santino?

  Nashville, both of them, technically, even though Laura's here now. But it was cool to have people that I'm trying to help support to grow-

• 53:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 53:42Andrew Santino?

  -watch, and she's so good. I'm not like-

• 53:44Speaker 07

  So good.

• 53:44Andrew Santino?

  I'm not like, I'm like, "I'm helping her, she's fine."

• 53:46Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 53:47Andrew Santino?

  But to watch her do that is-

• 53:48Speaker 07

  You are helping, you can say that, yeah.

• 53:49Andrew Santino?

  I'm trying.

• 53:49Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:50Andrew Santino?

  You know, it's, I think it's-

• 53:51Speaker 07

  Power top.

• 53:51Andrew Santino?

  It's just a power top. In this moment, I'm a power top.

• 53:54Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:55Andrew Santino?

  But it's hard in this generation to help because young people have so much more, um... They have so much more agency now. They have so much more ability to like, uh, get it on their own, so to speak. You know, that we didn't really have, when we were young, it was kinda like, if someone big didn't reach out a little bit-

• 54:10Speaker 07

  Right.

• 54:10Andrew Santino?

  It was really, really hard.

• 54:11Speaker 07

  Yeah, I was talking to a guy who was opening for me, uh, who's based in Austin.

• 54:15Andrew Santino?

  What's his name, do I know?

• 54:16Speaker 07

  Andrew Tarr.

• 54:17Andrew Santino?

  I don't know.

• 54:17Speaker 07

  I don't know, yeah, he had, he's, so he started a little behind me in San Diego, which is how I know him, and I was in Oklahoma, so we drove up and did him, and- He was just talking about, he's like, you know, I mean, Austin's its own unique environment, right? And it has its own kind of cachet. But, like, those things of like, a guy seeing you and taking you out on the road, it's not as common.

• 54:38Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 54:39Speaker 07

  And he's like, and it's, it's, it's so hard.

• 54:41Andrew Santino?

  It's really hard.

• 54:41Speaker 07

  And when I started, especially in San Diego, because I've never been LA or New York based, I've only been, I was like, I was on the road immediately. Like, I was like, this is, I- If I'm gonna have a career in this, I have to.

• 54:49Andrew Santino?

  You had to be, yeah.

• 54:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, and someone, and people, I've been so blessed by comics taking me out.

• 54:55Andrew Santino?

  Who's the first person that picked you up?

• 54:56Speaker 07

  So I had, um, first person that picked me up in clubs was a guy named Don Friesen.

• 55:02Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't even know, I don't know.

• 55:03Speaker 07

  Don Friesen.

• 55:04Andrew Santino?

  I gotta look up Don Friesen, I wanna see a picture of him.

• 55:06Speaker 07

  Don Friesen is, you'll love him, he's such a pro. Like, just one of these guys that has been a pro since the 90s.

• 55:14Andrew Santino?

  I've seen this guy.

• 55:14Speaker 07

  Very funny, great writer, uh, just a pure joke guy. Like, he is great, but he's just a comic. And he had a rule where he goes, like, I'll bring, I'll bring an opener to any club once. You can come with me to every club I do, once.

• 55:29Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 55:30Speaker 07

  And I got good at getting those clubs to bring me back as a feature, maybe once or twice more.

• 55:37Andrew Santino?

  I tell, I tell comics, that's the goal. Whenever I bring someone, I'm like, suck up to the management, say, can I have a one-nighter?

• 55:42Speaker 07

  There's only one person here you're trying to impress.

• 55:44Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 55:45Speaker 07

  The Booker.

• 55:45Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 55:46Speaker 07

  That is the only, the first club that I got passed at, the very, when I, you're an open mic'er and you're just trying to get stage on. Like, I was funny, I was doing well, and one night at midnight, he posted, "I'm being evicted, can anyone come help me move?" And I went and helped him move, and then I was passed the next day.

• 56:02Andrew Santino?

  You're like, "I'm gonna buy a truck today, I have to go buy a pickup truck. I'm gonna lose seventeen thousand dollars, but I'm gonna go do this."

• 56:08Speaker 07

  Exactly, I mean, that's like, and I held on, that's why I tell, like, comics, like, and all I know is the route that I did is, like, "Hold on to your day job as long as you can, because you can do, you, if you can afford to lose money on the road, it's gonna help you."

• 56:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 56:21Speaker 07

  When you roll into Oklahoma City to do the Looney Bin there, and you go buy one Subway sandwich, footlong, or two footlongs for five, ten dollars, and that's your meal for all weekend.

• 56:31Andrew Santino?

  Meals aplod. Yeah.

• 56:32Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, you know, you're cutting, you're not eating a full footlong.

• 56:34Andrew Santino?

  What, are you nuts?

• 56:35Speaker 07

  What, are you rich? What, do you have six t-shirts you're selling after the show?

• 56:39Andrew Santino?

  You better slice those off, baby.

• 56:41Speaker 07

  I still have a real love for all those road guys that I used to work with.

• 56:44Andrew Santino?

  For sure.

• 56:45Speaker 07

  Like, I, I love, and, and Friesen was the first guy to bring me out. And then another comic who's based in San Diego who's crazy funny is Zoltan Cassis.

• 56:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I love him, I've known him for years.

• 56:54Speaker 07

  Zoltan is so funny, and I think he's the most underrated comic in the country.

• 56:56Andrew Santino?

  He's really talented, yeah.

• 56:57Speaker 07

  He's also not even- He's like one of those guys that doesn't get talked about, but then you're like, oh, he just sold out Gramercy? And you're like, are we calling that underrated still? Like, he has a pretty big fanbase?

• 57:07Andrew Santino?

  We just say that because it's not a commercialization.

• 57:09Speaker 07

  Exactly, yeah, and he's so great and comics know him and love him. He brought me out. And then I also just got a lot of bad, like, uh, like the bonkers rooms. You ever do bonkers?

• 57:19Andrew Santino?

  Nope.

• 57:19Speaker 07

  Oh dude.

• 57:20Andrew Santino?

  Hate to tell ya.

• 57:21Speaker 07

  Hey, yeah.

• 57:21Andrew Santino?

  Did not go through that run.

• 57:23Speaker 07

  No, the...

• 57:24Andrew Santino?

  Cause I didn't go on the road until I could do...

• 57:26Speaker 07

  Right, well, you were LA, you took a totally different path.

• 57:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I didn't have to do those things. I did, well, I did like triple runs, we've talked about on the show.

• 57:32Speaker 07

  I've done some triple runs.

• 57:33Andrew Santino?

  So I did those when I was alone, but then after that, I was like, I'm just gonna work in LA until I can get to a

• 57:37Speaker 07

  Right.

• 57:38Andrew Santino?

  improv or a funny bone or a helium or a...

• 57:40Speaker 07

  I had three mouths to feed. I, there was a good five years there where I would, I would open up the rec center that I was working at, at like, I would do the 4 a.m. shift, go stay around till like 9 or 10, I was middle management at this rec center, go to the airport, go to the gig. Uh, go Friday, Saturday, Sunday, sleep in the airport, wake up Monday, fly home, go to work. Like, I, I would close the rec center on Mondays, because you could afford to lose money if you had a day job, you know?

• 58:06Andrew Santino?

  It was supplemented, yeah.

• 58:07Speaker 07

  But dude, those bonkers rooms, like, I always joke, like, there was a while where like, I, I had to like go all around Vegas before I could perform in Vegas. I was like, prim, perump.

• 58:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, blithe or whatever.

• 58:19Speaker 07

  Mesquite.

• 58:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:20Speaker 07

  Laughlin, I'm like, I got it surrounded. And then when I first got booked in Vegas, I'm like, I made it.

• 58:24Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 58:24Speaker 07

  And then I did Vegas, I was like, this is actually crappy, I don't enjoy these crowds, but...

• 58:27Andrew Santino?

  No, Vegas is a tough, tough, weird...

• 58:30Speaker 07

  Well, they're not from there.

• 58:31Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 58:31Speaker 07

  Nobody has anything in common in Vegas.

• 58:33Andrew Santino?

  And they also have more stuff to do than come see you.

• 58:35Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, that night.

• 58:36Andrew Santino?

  I always say, it's either come see me or go see the Beatles on rollerblades.

• 58:40Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 58:40Andrew Santino?

  It's, what are we talking, of course I'm gonna go see the Beatles.

• 58:42Speaker 07

  They're doing both at night, by the way.

• 58:43Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 58:43Speaker 07

  They're like, and, and so those, um, those bonkers rooms, you would do a cold 25.

• 58:49Andrew Santino?

  Ugh.

• 58:50Speaker 07

  No intro, you would just walk up on stage.

• 58:53Andrew Santino?

  Hey!

• 58:54Speaker 07

  Oftentimes you were in a room and then there was like a curtain that was open, just playing to the casino.

• 58:59Andrew Santino?

  Yuck.

• 59:00Speaker 07

  There's people were walking by, and then they'd hand you for a check for a hundred dollars and like a, you know, a steak coupon, you're like, I did it, man, I'm a professional.

• 59:07Andrew Santino?

  That steak coupon though, huh?

• 59:08Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 59:08Andrew Santino?

  Like, eating in the basement of a casino, that'll change your whole life forever, that'll make you, when you eat in the employee rooms in the basement?

• 59:14Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 59:14Andrew Santino?

  Which is, I mean, genuine torture. It's like, actually, like, when I look around those employees...

• 59:18Speaker 07

  The bones of the MGM.

• 59:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's gross. And you see the bones of the employees.

• 59:21Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 59:22Andrew Santino?

  When they die there, they just keep them in the basement.

• 59:24Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 59:24Andrew Santino?

  They don't let their family see them.

• 59:25Speaker 07

  No, they wheel them around for a couple shifts. They just put them their hands out on like the cigarette girls and like nah, she's still cute. You know?

• 59:34Andrew Santino?

  The basements of casinos will do something. Well, it's also the bowels of anything.

• 59:37Speaker 07

  Put them in the Mickey Mouse thing on the, on the strip. Mickey's not moving much.

• 59:41Andrew Santino?

  Just lean him against a tree.

• 59:43Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 59:44Speaker 00

  Para los grandes, para los chicos, para los bajos y los altos, los pacifistas, los valientes. Para los optimistas y los pesimistas, los que valoran lo de adentro. Para los que están lejos, los que no vende lejos y los que no vende cerca. Para los introvertidos y los extrovertidos. Para los que piensan y los que hacen. Para los que nos mostraron el camino. Coca-Cola para todos. Compra una Coca-Cola en una tienda cerca de usted.

• 1:00:14Speaker 04

  In here, we pour whiskey.

• 1:00:17Andrew Santino?

  March Madness is here, baby. And if you're like me, you want some skin in the game, huh? A little pale, see-through skin like me while you're watching. You want to put a couple of shekels out on something? Hey, you got to download ProfitX today. Not only can you watch your school advance, uh, but you and your fraternity bros, uh, can go against the rival school on ProfitX and get the best odds to win. Weren't in a fraternity, neither was I. It doesn't matter. You can play your friends, play whoever you want because college hoops is here. ProfitX, the best part, it's a peer-to-peer exchange available in 40-plus states, including here in California, A. Uh, on an exchange, you'll get the best odds every single time. You can even play completely for free. If you're someone who's like, I don't got the money for that right now, but I like the enticing uh, nature of going against peers. That's the move.

• 1:01:01Andrew Santino?

  A lot of times you have to play, uh, you know, play against the machine, the algorithm, uh, and you can't beat the algorithm. What are we talking about? Go peer-to-peer. Play a friend, just like you do in so many other things, whether it's one-on-one outside and you're breaking, breaking your boy's ankles. Do it online now. Put a little bit of le cachola, uh, on your squad to win. I'm an ASU kid. We'll see how that turns out. Who knows? I think we know. Uh, but ProfitX here is, uh, to make it more fun, uh, with peer-to-peer exchange. Download ProfitX and use the promo code WHISKY to get up to 300 in profit cash. 300 in profit cash when you download ProfitX today. Have fun with your friends and put a little something, something, something on the game. Life is beautiful, but it is short. And you probably need life insurance.

• 1:01:45Andrew Santino?

  I hate to tell you that as you get older, as I've gotten older, I know that. You know, you want to put away money for the future. You want to save, do the right thing to protect yourself, your husband and/or wife, your kids, your family, your parents, your friends, people that you love. And if you've ever experienced loss, you're thinking about how to secure your financial future, that is where Ethos comes in. They can help you take care of it, okay? You know, look, it's a bummer when you don't have life insurance. You can be stuck at the end with a lot of bills. If you've ever lost someone you know, it is no fun. It's no bueno. And Ethos has made securing life insurance policies up to 3 million as smooth and fast as possible. With Ethos, you can apply for affordable life insurance quickly and easily online, all without a medical exam. That's huge.

• 1:02:27Andrew Santino?

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• 1:03:10Speaker 05

  Ginger. I like to.

• 1:03:13Andrew Santino?

  The bottoms of Vegas, by the way, it's the bottoms of anything. I'll say the first time I ever got to play like with other comics, like arenas and stuff like that. When you see the basement of an arena, you think, okay, you're playing in arena.

• 1:03:25Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:03:26Andrew Santino?

  But you go down there, it is the most sad, cold.

• 1:03:29Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:29Andrew Santino?

  It's pipes, wires, and it's, and it's, everything is, everything is painted a really like a, like a kind of a cream.

• 1:03:36Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:03:36Andrew Santino?

  Like a, just a very like a boring cream with fluorescent lights. And you're sitting as the hum of the lights and you're writing, it's like.

• 1:03:44Andrew Santino?

  It's, and it smells like wet, old food. The basements of these things, there's no glory to them.

• 1:03:49Speaker 07

  No, no, a bunch of laundry.

• 1:03:51Andrew Santino?

  It's so gross. There's so much laundry. There's so much laundry at an arena. It's absurd. You're like, how is, what's going on down here? Is this for the city? Are they also doing the city employees laundry here? It is so, they're, it's, I know people think like, the, the, the shine wears off of those things when you do them.

• 1:04:07Speaker 07

  I think it's true for a lot of these old theaters too.

• 1:04:10Andrew Santino?

  Theaters too have that, they do.

• 1:04:11Speaker 07

  Some of them are nice. Like, I, like, I know, as an opener in these theaters, uh, like, you do the Pabst in Milwaukee? It's unbelievable. It's like, everything's new.

• 1:04:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, they just, yeah, redid it.

• 1:04:21Speaker 07

  It's so nice, but too, some of these old theaters, you go down, you're like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna stand outside.

• 1:04:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's bad.

• 1:04:26Speaker 07

  It's really tough.

• 1:04:27Andrew Santino?

  No, it is kinda strange how sad, and you, and you do think.

• 1:04:29Speaker 07

  And you know you can't poop in that toilet.

• 1:04:31Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:04:31Speaker 07

  There's no way that's going down.

• 1:04:32Andrew Santino?

  That'll stay. That's a sin.

• 1:04:34Speaker 07

  No, unless a ghost takes it down.

• 1:04:35Andrew Santino?

  Which they do sometimes. If you're lucky. If you're lucky.

• 1:04:40Speaker 07

  This is, I'm still working.

• 1:04:41Andrew Santino?

  An old rigor upstairs is like, I heard you saw the poop ghost. You're like, alright. I know you've been here for 142 years.

• 1:04:47Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:04:48Andrew Santino?

  No, it is, the, the, the, the clubs, still to this day, have by far the best customer service to the, to the comic and the best green room experience.

• 1:04:56Speaker 07

  Well, the good clubs.

• 1:04:56Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 1:04:57Speaker 07

  The improvs.

• 1:04:57Andrew Santino?

  Yes. Yeah, but all, but no, no, a lot of mom and poppies, like, you know, Comedy on State, Denver Comedy Works.

• 1:05:02Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:02Andrew Santino?

  They still have these things that are like.

• 1:05:04Speaker 07

  The A-Clubs. Is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:05Andrew Santino?

  But they still do the thing where they make you feel like it's a nice place to wait to go on, and you feel warm.

• 1:05:11Speaker 07

  And you're happy for your fans?

• 1:05:12Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 1:05:12Speaker 07

  It's a nice experience down there. I remember, I think you just said it in passing once, I remember Burr saying once, he's like, "All I ever wanted to do was work improvs." And the idea there's like, I just wanna play the good club.

• 1:05:23Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:05:23Speaker 07

  Where they'll feed me, and it'll be nice, every once in a while, they'll give me $20 for my ride to the airport.

• 1:05:28Andrew Santino?

  Ooh.

• 1:05:28Speaker 07

  Unbelievable. Like, just little things.

• 1:05:30Andrew Santino?

  And a TV with a nice warm dinner and a couch.

• 1:05:33Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The game's on.

• 1:05:34Andrew Santino?

  Small rooms, uh, small green rooms to me are always my favorite.

• 1:05:38Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:05:38Andrew Santino?

  Because it feels warm.

• 1:05:39Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:05:40Andrew Santino?

  When you're in the basements of these theaters, a lot of times, it's a bit, I mean, we played a ton of.

• 1:05:43Speaker 07

  It is literally cold in there sometimes.

• 1:05:45Andrew Santino?

  It's freezing cold. It's freezing cold. I brought a jacket one time to wear just because it was, it was a little crisp out, and I thought, this'll be a freezing room.

• 1:05:52Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:05:52Andrew Santino?

  And you're downstairs, and he's, they've sat with us on the road, they're big and empty and weird.

• 1:05:57Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:05:58Andrew Santino?

  And sad. Unless you catch one with like, where, what city in Australia? One had a, uh, an upright piano and we were, he was playing piano and singing songs. Like, that was.

• 1:06:06Speaker 07

  That's cool.

• 1:06:06Andrew Santino?

  That was one of the cool, but the other times, it's literally a cold dressing room.

• 1:06:09Speaker 07

  It's a bummer down there.

• 1:06:10Andrew Santino?

  It's creepy.

• 1:06:11Speaker 07

  And, and sometimes they're not even like a place that you even wanna walk around. And do you bus when you're doing things?

• 1:06:16Andrew Santino?

  We bust on the fir-, Bob and I bust together, but when I'm, when I'm headlining by myself and on my tour, like, I don't bus. I fly in, fly out. I fly, hotel, fly out. It, it's too.

• 1:06:25Speaker 07

  I love the hotel, man.

• 1:06:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I don't like the bus. I don't like the, the bus is also very, um, you, I, I think it's super disorienting.

• 1:06:33Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:06:33Andrew Santino?

  Because you do wake up in a new city and you're like, what happened? Wh- where are we now?

• 1:06:37Speaker 07

  When people tell me they sleep well on the bus, I'm like, you might have some bad home problems.

• 1:06:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, stuff is troubling at the house.

• 1:06:43Speaker 07

  What are you running from out here, man?

• 1:06:45Andrew Santino?

  They're like, dude, I sleep like a baby on that thing. The thing that's like this on, on 66. You're just like, it's, I don't, uh, I, I do not, I will not go back on the bus. We always were like.

• 1:06:54Speaker 07

  It feels dangerous.

• 1:06:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, extremely. Extremely. The, the people that are driving it are driving from 1 a.m. to 7 a.m.

• 1:07:01Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:07:01Andrew Santino?

  That's not a healthy time to be driving.

• 1:07:02Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah.

• 1:07:03Andrew Santino?

  I don't care who you are.

• 1:07:04Speaker 07

  You're like, how'd you sleep? You're like, well, at 2 I went, boom!

• 1:07:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:07Speaker 07

  And I hit a thing and I fell out of my bunk.

• 1:07:09Andrew Santino?

  Right. So not great.

• 1:07:10Speaker 07

  Didn't Bobby take a fall out of a bunk?

• 1:07:12Andrew Santino?

  He did. He hit his, he hit his, he hit his lip or what was it? His lip. He busted his lip. And also, this guy, notoriously on tour, has night terrors. So he would wake us up every, yeah.

• 1:07:21Speaker 07

  On the bus?

• 1:07:22Andrew Santino?

  On the bus.

• 1:07:22Speaker 07

  Night terrors on the bus? I sleepwalk sometimes. I'd wake up, running in the, just down the hall.

• 1:07:28Andrew Santino?

  And let me tell you something about night terrors.

• 1:07:28Speaker 07

  In the bus? You were running down the hall? Yeah. You'd take over the wheel?

• 1:07:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he would.

• 1:07:33Speaker 07

  I've never made it that far, but.

• 1:07:34Andrew Santino?

  No, but he would walk around, but his, his night terrors concerned me. I was concerned the first couple of times, then I got used to it.

• 1:07:39Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:07:40Andrew Santino?

  But they were, the shouts were very, I was, um, I was abused as a kid because it was, please don't, no, stop. It was a lot of please don't know stops. It wasn't like a, uh.

• 1:07:49Speaker 07

  Do you feel like the pressure on the thing? Or what are you getting? What's your, what's, what's going on subconsciously when that happens? I don't know, a lot of the. Do you not remember him?

• 1:07:57Andrew Santino?

  He was molested. Yeah, you know it.

• 1:07:58Speaker 07

  A lot of the dreams are like, I'm, I'm, I'm running in a place and I'm gonna be. Be trapped there like alone.

• 1:08:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:06Speaker 07

  And die. Like one of them, I was like running down, uh, in the woods.

• 1:08:09Andrew Santino?

  Well.

• 1:08:10Speaker 07

  Following someone with a flashlight and they look back and they turn the flashlight off and then I'm trapped.

• 1:08:13Andrew Santino?

  He was molested. And I'm trying to get to the bottom of it. I want to get him into therapy to find out who did it.

• 1:08:18Speaker 07

  Bottoms are the, the theme today.

• 1:08:19Andrew Santino?

  That's exactly right.

• 1:08:20Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:08:21Andrew Santino?

  But he's a bottom bottom.

• 1:08:22Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:08:22Andrew Santino?

  He's a basement bottom.

• 1:08:23Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:08:23Andrew Santino?

  Because it just goes with finances.

• 1:08:25Speaker 07

  I'm a mid-level.

• 1:08:26Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:08:26Speaker 07

  Yeah, where it's three stories of bottoms. I'm the mid-level. Or I'm that like, remember the split level houses where you walk in and there's not anything on that level, but you can go up or down?

• 1:08:35Andrew Santino?

  Right, right.

• 1:08:36Speaker 07

  That's where I am.

• 1:08:37Andrew Santino?

  That's a very Midwest house.

• 1:08:38Speaker 07

  We're not sure which one we're.

• 1:08:39Andrew Santino?

  We're not sure where you belong. Some weeks.

• 1:08:41Speaker 07

  No, I'm not sure. Some weeks.

• 1:08:42Andrew Santino?

  You get to go upstairs.

• 1:08:43Speaker 07

  Hey, you know, this weekend in Spokane, I'm near, I might go upstairs, but.

• 1:08:48Andrew Santino?

  Do you, where do you sell the best?

• 1:08:50Speaker 07

  It did markets have toured a lot. Like I'm a touring comic.

• 1:08:53Andrew Santino?

  Constantly, yeah.

• 1:08:54Speaker 07

  And I have a decent online following, but it's not crazy. It's like.

• 1:08:57Andrew Santino?

  It's good enough. You're popular enough, man.

• 1:08:58Speaker 07

  It's good enough, yeah. I get a lot of people in airports going, like that.

• 1:09:03Andrew Santino?

  Have I seen you before?

• 1:09:03Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not them yelling Bobby's mom or whatever at you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:06Andrew Santino?

  Thank you. Yeah, one of my favorite things to get.

• 1:09:08Speaker 07

  Well, you're talked about in my home with my 17-year-old boy.

• 1:09:12Andrew Santino?

  I apologize.

• 1:09:12Speaker 07

  That's Bad Friends target demo.

• 1:09:14Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so he likes it?

• 1:09:15Speaker 07

  Yeah, and I have to be like, here's why it's okay that Andrew does Asian voice.

• 1:09:19Andrew Santino?

  This is why you can't do it, right?

• 1:09:21Speaker 07

  This is why you can't.

• 1:09:22Andrew Santino?

  You get yourself a Korean best friend.

• 1:09:23Speaker 07

  Bobby right there. That's the main key.

• 1:09:26Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 1:09:26Speaker 07

  Especially with your last name, boy. Be careful. We have to be really delicate on this thing. We are so safe, man. We are really safe.

• 1:09:35Andrew Santino?

  I get that.

• 1:09:36Speaker 07

  Uh.

• 1:09:36Andrew Santino?

  Tell him to get a Korean best friend and it's all taken care of.

• 1:09:39Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:09:39Andrew Santino?

  No problem. Go get a Korean from Poway.

• 1:09:41Speaker 07

  I just don't think that that's gonna serve him long-term. He's like, well, there's a word I actually want to say, so I gotta go get a black best friend.

• 1:09:47Andrew Santino?

  Yes. Yeah, your real last name.

• 1:09:49Speaker 07

  Yeah, enjoy Kill Tony.

• 1:09:54Speaker 07

  Yeah, we're moving to Austin, son.

• 1:09:55Andrew Santino?

  A hundred percent. Well, your son could be on Kill Tony if he was, uh, extremely incapacitated. If, if he only fell while running and broke every bone in his body.

• 1:10:03Speaker 07

  That's very funny.

• 1:10:04Andrew Santino?

  He would destroy on Kill Tony.

• 1:10:05Speaker 07

  They really are kind of like AGT for people that still say racial slurs.

• 1:10:08Andrew Santino?

  That's literally what I said. It's AGT for handicapped, for the, for the most like traumatic handicapped.

• 1:10:13Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I respect it. I respect it. They're like, because AGT does the same thing. Like, yeah, but what's your thing?

• 1:10:19Andrew Santino?

  Right. How hard are you?

• 1:10:20Speaker 07

  Are you, are you, are you like, young but look old? That'll work.

• 1:10:25Andrew Santino?

  Do you know Ryan Nee Miller? Do you know him?

• 1:10:26Speaker 07

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like Ryan, yeah, when he did AGT, he talked about, he's like, they would even press me more.

• 1:10:32Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:10:32Andrew Santino?

  To like, you know, he's like, isn't this apparent enough that my disability is literally visible? It's not like it's hidden.

• 1:10:38Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:10:38Andrew Santino?

  Where someone's like, I have a speech impediment, or I have a thing from a...

• 1:10:42Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:10:42Andrew Santino?

  He's like, it's here and there. Like, yeah, but just give us more sad about it. Make it a little bit sadder.

• 1:10:46Speaker 07

  Could you like, make some noises or something? Could you like, just do a thing with the shoulders or something?

• 1:10:51Andrew Santino?

  If you have a tic, could you have a tic?

• 1:10:52Speaker 07

  Yeah, that would really help us.

• 1:10:54Andrew Santino?

  Could one of your arms have a tic?

• 1:10:54Speaker 07

  Gosh, I need a tic.

• 1:10:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're pulling it out. At least Kill Tony, they do it.

• 1:10:58Speaker 07

  They actually pull it out.

• 1:10:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they pull it out.

• 1:11:03Andrew Santino?

  Well, I'm sorry that your son...

• 1:11:04Speaker 07

  That'll get you the golden buzzer!

• 1:11:05Andrew Santino?

  I'm sorry your son repeats us in the house.

• 1:11:07Speaker 07

  No, it's funny. He likes comedy. And I like Kill Tony for the record. Like, I like that...

• 1:11:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's fun.

• 1:11:12Speaker 07

  We've gotten so big as an industry that we have genres.

• 1:11:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we do, yeah.

• 1:11:16Speaker 07

  Like, we're like, if you like that, that's great. If you want this, if you want that, if you want, like...

• 1:11:21Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's what we said about, you know, when people comment about someone like Matt Rife, and they talk about that world, it's like, uh...

• 1:11:26Speaker 07

  Matt I don't care for.

• 1:11:27Andrew Santino?

  Well, but I was gonna say, I was gonna say, I promise you, though, whenever a comic complains about him, I'm always like, I promise, he's not taking away any of your audience.

• 1:11:36Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:11:36Andrew Santino?

  Whoever goes to see him, I bet my bank account would not go see you.

• 1:11:39Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:11:40Andrew Santino?

  And so just let that exist. If there's enough to go around, there's enough to go around.

• 1:11:43Speaker 07

  There are very few Matt Rife fans that are like, give me that 40-year-old dad.

• 1:11:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:48Speaker 07

  Talks about how hard it is to be married. That's my guy. Right there.

• 1:11:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, these are two worlds that, like, that's what I never got. When people get frustrated, someone's like, uh, it's like, yeah, yeah, he's selling out arenas. It's like, you're right, to people that don't see you.

• 1:12:01Speaker 07

  Yeah. Also, when people are like, oh, he just does crowd work. Well, you do good, do crowd work.

• 1:12:05Andrew Santino?

  Go do it.

• 1:12:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's not, it's not that easy.

• 1:12:07Andrew Santino?

  By the way, industry's wide open. Go do whatever you want to do and then make it doing your thing.

• 1:12:10Speaker 07

  I'm against crowd work only because my crowd work clips don't do well.

• 1:12:14Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:12:17Speaker 07

  Otherwise, I would be like, this is actually real comedy. See, I'm making it up.

• 1:12:20Andrew Santino?

  I don't.

• 1:12:20Speaker 07

  I also think that a lot of comics who know Matt were like, "Hey, man, in 2021, this guy was stacking chairs at a show we were doing out of the back of trucks."

• 1:12:31Andrew Santino?

  That's right, yeah.

• 1:12:32Speaker 07

  And was doing one-nighters in Lexington.

• 1:12:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:34Speaker 07

  Like, you could not care for his comedy. Whatever, I don't, if you like it, you like it. If you don't, I don't, I don't care about that. But like, most comics who were in and around Matt at a certain time, you're like, "Ah, he worked really hard."

• 1:12:43Andrew Santino?

  He did, he did the whole thing.

• 1:12:44Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he did, he did the whole thing. So it's, yeah, it's not like he skipped the line.

• 1:12:48Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:12:48Andrew Santino?

  This isn't like, uh, this isn't like, uh, uh, what's the kid, uh, what's the young kid actor that everyone, Barry Keegan or Kogan, whatever his name is? Barry Keegan?

• 1:12:57Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:12:57Andrew Santino?

  Barry Keegan? It's like if he just did a, he started selling autoreals, you'd be like, "All right." "Didn't you get it all already, Keegan?"

• 1:13:03Speaker 07

  I don't think there is a lot of skipping the line in comedy. Like, you can maybe get some fans, like, online and go get a show or whatever. But like, especially in the clubs.

• 1:13:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a different world.

• 1:13:13Speaker 07

  It is a different world, and that's the currency that we all care about, like, is the clubs. And you're like, "Yeah, but they don't care if you're famous." Like, you bomb, you bomb. They don't care who your dad is, who your mom, it doesn't. You just gotta go have a good set.

• 1:13:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you have to.

• 1:13:27Speaker 07

  And I will one day. I'm gonna get that set, baby, I'm gonna do it. Fingers crossed, Spokane, early show.

• 1:13:34Andrew Santino?

  I don't do enough crowd work, I don't do a lot of crowd work because I, I turn, it turns, uh, very mean with me.

• 1:13:41Speaker 01

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• 1:14:03Speaker 02

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• 1:14:09Speaker 07

  Right, and they don't want you to be mean, right?

• 1:14:11Andrew Santino?

  I just get annoyed.

• 1:14:12Speaker 07

  Yeah, I wanna hear more about this, like, 'cause you, 'cause...

• 1:14:15Andrew Santino?

  I'm, I don't post crowd work clips, I'm not really good at, I'm good at crowd work, I just don't, we do crowd work in our own way. I just don't like... Um, making a meal out of it, because it's not, it's not what I love the most.

• 1:14:26Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:14:27Andrew Santino?

  And, um.

• 1:14:28Speaker 07

  Like writing jokes.

• 1:14:28Andrew Santino?

  I just like performing comedy.

• 1:14:30Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:30Andrew Santino?

  I just want to do, I want you to hear me say some dumb stuff and laugh at it.

• 1:14:33Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:14:34Andrew Santino?

  But when I start to get into crowd work, sometimes I get frustrated because a lot of times the crowd work, their responses are so annoying. That I'm like, well, I'm gonna come off mean.

• 1:14:43Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:14:44Andrew Santino?

  Because it's not fun, and this is not where I want to go.

• 1:14:46Speaker 07

  And you're not mean on stage normally.

• 1:14:48Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't, my, my stuff is very either self-deprecatory or a comment about culture. And that's kind of it. I don't do a lot of political shit. I don't do.

• 1:14:55Speaker 07

  Well, even when you are having like a point of view on your stuff, you still come across kind and likeable.

• 1:15:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I try, it's like, it's cheeky. Yeah, it's cheeky. It's almost like, we're in on this, huh?

• 1:15:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:05Andrew Santino?

  It's one of those things that.

• 1:15:06Speaker 07

  It's so much so that if people are offended by it, you're like, well, you just don't like stand-up.

• 1:15:11Andrew Santino?

  Or, yeah, you, yeah, you don't, you, yeah, or.

• 1:15:13Speaker 07

  Tammy Pescatelli said that. She said comedy's for everybody, stand-up comedy is not for everybody.

• 1:15:17Andrew Santino?

  Fact, yeah.

• 1:15:17Speaker 07

  And so when people get mad at, I'm like, this just isn't for you.

• 1:15:20Andrew Santino?

  That's fine.

• 1:15:20Speaker 07

  And that's okay.

• 1:15:21Andrew Santino?

  Right, yeah.

• 1:15:21Speaker 07

  That's fine.

• 1:15:22Andrew Santino?

  Right, you may not, you just may not like the way this, this sounds.

• 1:15:25Speaker 07

  We're bigger than we should be as an industry right now anyways.

• 1:15:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we're growing.

• 1:15:28Speaker 07

  We're supposed to be underground grimy little clubs, which is why I still do small rooms.

• 1:15:33Andrew Santino?

  Right, that's why.

• 1:15:34Speaker 07

  I would get bigger. That's why, I, I would get bigger if I, if I wanted to.

• 1:15:38Andrew Santino?

  We are the slugs of the entertainment industry.

• 1:15:39Speaker 07

  I'm the purist here, who's talking about how hard it is to fly.

• 1:15:42Andrew Santino?

  That's right.

• 1:15:43Speaker 07

  Finally, someone has a great bit on first class.

• 1:15:48Andrew Santino?

  Actually, I just saw someone do a great bit about it. I'm not gonna say who, but my god, is it so fun. It's so funny to go see guys in New York that I haven't seen in a long time.

• 1:15:56Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:15:56Andrew Santino?

  And when I go back to see like the new material, because you, when you, when you're here, when you're with people you see all the time, you see a lot of the stuff that they do and.

• 1:16:01Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:16:02Andrew Santino?

  But then when you, when I go to New York again and I go see people I haven't seen in a while, it's so fun to go see what everyone's working out.

• 1:16:08Speaker 07

  Yeah. And I, listen, I like, I do a premise that we've all done, but if you have a unique jo, I think about D'Amici Martin's playing joke, first class joke all the time. I've never sat in first class, but I have farted in first class.

• 1:16:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's so good.

• 1:16:19Speaker 07

  I think about it constantly. It's just such a great.

• 1:16:22Andrew Santino?

  It's such a, it's, there's no fat on it.

• 1:16:23Speaker 07

  It's a perfect joke.

• 1:16:24Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:25Speaker 07

  Where do you, it's like Seinfeld says, like, well, where do you go? We're done. We've arrived at the destination, so, yeah, I, do whatever you want. I don't care.

• 1:16:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, do whatever you want. Is Seinfeld one of your heroes?

• 1:16:35Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:16:35Andrew Santino?

  He is, yeah.

• 1:16:36Speaker 07

  Yeah, I mean, I think.

• 1:16:37Andrew Santino?

  Cause you're, cause you work pretty clean.

• 1:16:39Speaker 07

  I do work clean. I don't do it out of like some like moral version of it, or where I think it's like, I've heard people say like it's a higher version of it, and I don't buy that. I like to work clean because I like to make something that families can watch.

• 1:16:53Andrew Santino?

  That's great.

• 1:16:54Speaker 07

  Cause there's not a lot of it.

• 1:16:55Andrew Santino?

  Right, that's like Bargetzi, same thing.

• 1:16:56Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, I don't, and any, and it's good to be able to work clean because anything that makes you edit is good.

• 1:17:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:04Speaker 07

  Like that Dimitri Martin joke, that joke was edited perfectly. And that's, that's the good thing about working clean is you kinda give yourself some restrictions of like, okay, well, what word can I state here instead, you know? Um, but yeah, Seinfeld, obviously, I mean, but I don't, like, my favorite comics are like, Regan, Attell, Maria Bamford. Like, that's, and what I, because when I look at those guys, I'm like, my favorite thing about them is they're silly. And I think silly is like the hardest version of what we do.

• 1:17:33Andrew Santino?

  I love being silly.

• 1:17:34Speaker 07

  It's so hard to be silly on stage, though, like, and you're very good at it, like, but like, it's like, you're kinda being vulnerable up there.

• 1:17:41Andrew Santino?

  Totally.

• 1:17:41Speaker 07

  Cause if you're silly and it doesn't work, then you're just embarrassed.

• 1:17:46Andrew Santino?

  It's very true.

• 1:17:47Speaker 07

  You're like, I showed you a part of me, that's like.

• 1:17:49Andrew Santino?

  But sometimes being profound is more threatening to me because when you're trying to be profound, it's almost like, um, I'm an, I'm a, I'm a college professor. And I don't, that's, that's harder for me to swallow if it, if, if being like, see, I told you so, does wrong.

• 1:18:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, comedy is, I'll, I'll go on a limb here and say comedy is important, but if you are a comic acting like it's important, just,

• 1:18:14Andrew Santino?

  Trouble.

• 1:18:14Speaker 07

  Just end it, just stop. I don't want any of this.

• 1:18:17Andrew Santino?

  Big trouble. And there is, there's a bunch of them.

• 1:18:19Speaker 07

  There are.

• 1:18:20Andrew Santino?

  And we're gonna list them right, we're gonna list them right here in the middle, no. By the way, my editor now is being like, I will do that. It's like, don't, don't do that.

• 1:18:27Speaker 07

  I would actually be curious to see your lists.

• 1:18:28Andrew Santino?

  Of his list, yeah, but they would make it my, it would be like, it's mine.

• 1:18:31Speaker 07

  Andrews, yeah, yeah, I can't wait to see that trending.

• 1:18:33Andrew Santino?

  Santino's list, yeah.

• 1:18:34Speaker 07

  Santino, this will be on Variety, Santino Treacherous.

• 1:18:36Andrew Santino?

  Who he hates, live on his show. Also, they'll pull it out of context, they'll be like, and then, they were talking about Matt Rife for 20 minutes.

• 1:18:42Speaker 07

  No, they'll give you the benefit of the doubt. They always do. They always do.

• 1:18:47Andrew Santino?

  Everything is, oh, you know, context, it's not dead, I think it's, it's at, it's perf, it's perfect.

• 1:18:52Speaker 07

  Context, nuance.

• 1:18:53Andrew Santino?

  Nuance.

• 1:18:54Speaker 07

  Never, people have never had more of it.

• 1:18:56Andrew Santino?

  Uh-uh, man, we're alive and humming.

• 1:18:58Speaker 07

  And we threw AI in there, too.

• 1:19:00Andrew Santino?

  God bless, thank God.

• 1:19:01Speaker 07

  Which is great.

• 1:19:01Andrew Santino?

  Thank God, dude, really kinda makes it up. In fact-

• 1:19:03Speaker 07

  Nothing's real anymore.

• 1:19:04Andrew Santino?

  No, neither was this. Imagine, now we just disappear. This whole thing was AI.

• 1:19:09Speaker 07

  Oh, man. We haven't been recording any of this?

• 1:19:11Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 1:19:11Speaker 07

  This is gonna be a big bump for me, actually, so-

• 1:19:12Andrew Santino?

  No, this was just for us to get in this room. The walls fall down. You're on one of those Japanese game shows. I pull off my mask, you have no idea.

• 1:19:18Speaker 07

  Is Bobby under there?

• 1:19:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:21Speaker 07

  Whoa, you're so much taller and thinner.

• 1:19:23Andrew Santino?

  You were Bobby mom!

• 1:19:25Speaker 07

  I was Bobby's mom the whole time.

• 1:19:27Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the whole time. I do, I do love seeing fans in public, I do love it.

• 1:19:30Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:19:31Andrew Santino?

  I, I, but I, but it is funny when they yell at you.

• 1:19:34Speaker 07

  They yell something out of context racially inappropriate at you.

• 1:19:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, all the time.

• 1:19:39Speaker 07

  In the Indianapolis airport.

• 1:19:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, all the time.

• 1:19:41Speaker 07

  And you're like-

• 1:19:42Andrew Santino?

  And I'm always like, "Don't yell, please don't yell."

• 1:19:43Speaker 07

  Oh, man, no, come whisper it, I'll laugh.

• 1:19:45Andrew Santino?

  Come say hi, yeah. We'll have a good chuckle, but please don't scream it.

• 1:19:47Speaker 07

  Between drinks, we'll be monsters, but not, not-

• 1:19:51Andrew Santino?

  No, not at gate four.

• 1:19:52Speaker 07

  We're in the pre-check line, man, come on.

• 1:19:54Andrew Santino?

  Come on, dude, please, yeah.

• 1:19:55Speaker 07

  And you're in, you're over here. If you were in clear with me, maybe.

• 1:19:57Andrew Santino?

  And even the guy, the guy in clear just this past, uh, this pla- this, this past weekend, the guy's like, uh, "How do I know you?" The guy who's like beeping me in. I'm like, "I don't know, man, I don't know."

• 1:20:05Speaker 07

  I don't have to tell you that.

• 1:20:07Andrew Santino?

  That's the hardest thing to answer, because I feel like a dickhead. I'm like, "I don't know, man, maybe something on TV or something." He's like, "No, no, what, what, what, what is it?" And then I'll say, "Mark, how do we know him?" It's like, "Oh, dude, please don't do this." I'm like falling apart on the inside. Like, that gives me the worst anxiety.

• 1:20:20Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:20:21Andrew Santino?

  I wanna, I'm, I'm Forrest Gump Jenny, I wanna, make me a bird so I can fly far, far away. I wish I could just shoot up into the sky and disappear.

• 1:20:28Speaker 07

  Sounds really hard, how sometimes people recognize you in life.

• 1:20:32Andrew Santino?

  I don't mind the recognition, I don't-

• 1:20:33Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, it's the vague, yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:35Andrew Santino?

  The yelling out makes me-

• 1:20:36Speaker 07

  It's the aggressiveness, too, of like-

• 1:20:37Andrew Santino?

  I feel stupid, I feel stupid, because then everyone looks around like, "Who's that moron?"

• 1:20:41Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's a big insecurity for me, too, feeling stupid. I feel stupid in the clear line when it's not shorter than the pre-check line.

• 1:20:48Andrew Santino?

  Oh, I do it all the time.

• 1:20:49Speaker 07

  And I'm like, "I'm an idiot."

• 1:20:50Andrew Santino?

  Why did I do it?

• 1:20:51Speaker 07

  I paid for this.

• 1:20:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and why am I still paying for it?

• 1:20:53Speaker 07

  My dad would be so mad at me.

• 1:20:54Andrew Santino?

  He is, trust me.

• 1:20:54Speaker 07

  My dad is furious.

• 1:20:55Andrew Santino?

  My dad traveled for a living for 35 years, still didn't have pre-check. Like, refused.

• 1:20:59Speaker 07

  He's like, "Just get there a few minutes earlier."

• 1:21:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, why, why are you not there an hour and a half before the flight anyway? It's like, "Dad, I don't, I wanna show up and leave." He's like, "Well, too bad." My dad also flew for a company for 30 some odd years, and never once did they put him in first class. Never once. Never one time. Isn't that insane, the first, like, that's-

• 1:21:15Speaker 07

  And you're like, well, sometimes I have to sit in like the back of first class.

• 1:21:19Andrew Santino?

  Oh, god.

• 1:21:20Speaker 07

  Sometimes I'm close to the pores.

• 1:21:22Andrew Santino?

  Good god.

• 1:21:22Speaker 07

  That's kind of the same.

• 1:21:23Andrew Santino?

  No, I'll get off the plane.

• 1:21:24Speaker 07

  Shut the curtain. Shut the curtain. You'll shut it yourself. Do you have a thicker curtain?

• 1:21:30Andrew Santino?

  There was a woman that was like, can you help me put up my bag? And she was sitting right behind first class and I said, no ma'am.

• 1:21:36Andrew Santino?

  You take that back to the scum.

• 1:21:37Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:38Andrew Santino?

  I help, I help.

• 1:21:39Speaker 07

  Some huge guy back in 35E. I'm Bobby's mom!

• 1:21:42Andrew Santino?

  No!

• 1:21:43Speaker 07

  No, you're not.

• 1:21:44Andrew Santino?

  No, you're not.

• 1:21:45Speaker 07

  She'd be up here. Her son's doing well. Alright?

• 1:21:49Andrew Santino?

  That is, by the way, that is, that is very true. Her, her son does take very good care of her.

• 1:21:54Speaker 07

  That's great.

• 1:21:55Andrew Santino?

  For the record, Bobby mom gets taken care of so well.

• 1:21:58Speaker 07

  That's great.

• 1:21:58Andrew Santino?

  We flew her out.

• 1:21:59Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:22:00Andrew Santino?

  We flew her out to Vegas.

• 1:22:01Speaker 07

  That's great.

• 1:22:02Andrew Santino?

  She's the most fun. Also, she doesn't want to be there at all, which is even better.

• 1:22:05Speaker 07

  Even better energy.

• 1:22:06Andrew Santino?

  I love it. She hated it. We brought her on stage, she was like bummed in Phoenix. She wanted to be on her iPad the whole time.

• 1:22:12Speaker 07

  That's great.

• 1:22:12Andrew Santino?

  She actually wanted to bring the iPad out because she was shopping. I was like, this is, this is exactly the energy that he, he has.

• 1:22:19Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:22:19Andrew Santino?

  It's identical. But it was also funny, right before the show, they both were just sitting both on their devices. Yeah, both on their iPads, both on their iPads the whole time.

• 1:22:26Speaker 07

  No, I mean, I, uh, I, my dad has come to like two of my shows. And both times, he's just sat in the green room and I'm like, I mean, you could watch. He's like, nah, I'm alright.

• 1:22:37Andrew Santino?

  I bet I know what you do.

• 1:22:38Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can only connect with my dad so much with this line of work.

• 1:22:42Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:42Speaker 07

  I'm like, guys, like, are you close to your dad? I was like, my dad worked for Alaska Airlines, throwing bags into planes for 35 years.

• 1:22:49Andrew Santino?

  So he was on the ground crew?

• 1:22:50Speaker 07

  So he started, he started in Fairbanks, Alaska, when only, that's where Alaska Airlines comes from.

• 1:22:57Andrew Santino?

  Is he born there, in Alaska?

• 1:22:58Speaker 07

  No, so my dad is from rural Oregon, like Coos Bay, Oregon, which is like a little more of a tourist town now. It's nicer now.

• 1:23:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:06Speaker 07

  But it was like, he famously went to school with Prefontaine. Like that was his like, uh, yeah, so, so he graduated from there and then he was like a carpenter. But he has a tough family line and which in proxy makes means I do as well, but he uh but he took a job. I don't even remember how he got it, but they moved up to Fairbanks and he loved it cause Fairbanks, cause it was like, Fairbanks was like, Alaska was like barely civilized at that point. He was like, it was like the old west. It was like Alaska in the seventies was crazy, you know? Barely any law. And so Alaska Airlines is at that point just exists like Fairbanks, Anchorage, Juneau, Nome, like all those little places down there. And so he works up there. My sister's born up there.

• 1:23:47Speaker 07

  But he's like in Fairbanks in the winter, throwing things into like hands and knees like that, you know, and uh, and then I'm like, people are like, did your dad relate to you? I was like, I put on moisturizer, man.

• 1:24:02Speaker 07

  Like I, I like, I do this.

• 1:24:04Andrew Santino?

  I have a nighttime routine.

• 1:24:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, I have a mouthguard.

• 1:24:08Speaker 07

  Like I, I would, I don't know.

• 1:24:10Andrew Santino?

  I have a CPAP machine, okay?

• 1:24:11Speaker 07

  There are multiple times people put makeup on me, man. Like that's a thing. And then I just go around with my little book, my little musings.

• 1:24:20Andrew Santino?

  Cute little book.

• 1:24:20Speaker 07

  It's not to say he's not proud of me, he just doesn't relate to me.

• 1:24:23Andrew Santino?

  No, he's not. No, we spoke to him before the show.

• 1:24:25Speaker 07

  He was proud of The Tonight Show, cause that's the first thing I've done he's heard of.

• 1:24:28Andrew Santino?

  Right.

• 1:24:29Speaker 07

  He's like, oh yeah, he goes, and he goes, ah, that's great. I'm so proud of you. And he goes, uh, that used to be like a big deal.

• 1:24:36Andrew Santino?

  Thanks dad. Yeah, you know what? It did.

• 1:24:38Speaker 07

  But he's right, cause it did. It used to be like a huge deal. You know, cause he watched Carson. He's like, I remember comedians talking about stories and if you got that and you come over and I was like, yeah, I mean, it's cool now.

• 1:24:48Andrew Santino?

  And now it's like doing this.

• 1:24:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:24:50Andrew Santino?

  This is like the same.

• 1:24:51Speaker 07

  No, I have two Tonight Shows this week. I've said that to multiple comics this week, cause I've, we confirmed this and I got the email from The Tonight Show and I was like, these are actually pretty equal level things, you know, which is, makes me sad as a comic that this is the same as that. Uh, because this sucks. Nobody wants to do this.

• 1:25:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, this is bullshit.

• 1:25:08Speaker 07

  I'm enjoying this. This is the longest we've talked by Have you, have we come across as friends here in any way?

• 1:25:14Andrew Santino?

  How is this?

• 1:25:15Speaker 07

  Cause we barely know each other.

• 1:25:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we don't know each other well.

• 1:25:17Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:25:18Andrew Santino?

  I've seen, we've seen each other a few times, but we just don't know each other. But you know what's so funny is like we're-

• 1:25:21Speaker 07

  I like that.

• 1:25:22Andrew Santino?

  A lot of us are, a lot of us are ships. A lot of us are ships. Louis and Rock were at the, at the Cellar and uh, I, they both followed me three shows in a row one night. And Louis afterwards had some nice things to say about me and he was like, "I've never met you."

• 1:25:38Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:25:38Andrew Santino?

  And I was like, "No, we've never, we've never..."

• 1:25:40Speaker 07

  Yeah, he knows who you are. Stuff like that matters so much as a comic, cause like even though we're a similar age, like you started before me and you're ahead of me. So even like you, I remember like you followed me on Instagram or whatever and we messaged, we connect. I'm like, "I'd like to know that you know who I am."

• 1:25:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:57Speaker 07

  That feels nice to me.

• 1:25:58Andrew Santino?

  It feels good, yeah.

• 1:25:59Speaker 07

  Especially as a road guy who's never been in a scene.

• 1:26:01Speaker 00

  Para los grandes, para los chicos, para los bajos y los altos. Los pacifistas, los valientes. Para los optimistas y los pesimistas. Los que valoran lo de adentro. Para los que están lejos, los que no ven de lejos. Y los que no ven de cerca. Para los introvertidos y los extrovertidos. Para los que piensan y los que hacen. Para los que nos mostraron el camino. Coca-Cola, para todos. Compra una Coca-Cola en una tienda cerca de usted.

• 1:26:31Andrew Santino?

  Well, because you have, well, I, I, I respect the hustle and people that are working hard and that are funny. And you're very, very funny. And also then it's also you're, you're, you're connected with people that I also like and respect. And so that, even from afar, I mean, I follow people all the time where I get into watching people that I don't really know at all and never met.

• 1:26:48Speaker 07

  Right.

• 1:26:48Andrew Santino?

  And it's nice to see if they're humming along in this, in this other part of the, I really do feel like it's just we're a bunch of boat captains. We're all out trying to catch, catch a bunch of fish.

• 1:26:58Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:26:58Andrew Santino?

  And sometimes you'll dock together.

• 1:27:00Speaker 07

  Yeah, everyone's gonna see each other, yeah, in an airport.

• 1:27:02Andrew Santino?

  Right, that's, I mean, that's-

• 1:27:03Speaker 07

  It's the best.

• 1:27:04Andrew Santino?

  It is, yeah, you're like, "Dude!"

• 1:27:04Speaker 07

  Oh, an airport hang.

• 1:27:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I do love that. You run into someone, you're like, "Are you, wanna go, you wanna go to drink or something?"

• 1:27:09Speaker 07

  You're in the lounge?

• 1:27:09Andrew Santino?

  "Wanna go to lounge?"

• 1:27:10Speaker 07

  Oh, you're south of, well, I'll be in the lounge.

• 1:27:12Andrew Santino?

  Well, I'll see you there, man.

• 1:27:13Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you'll get up here. You're gonna, do you have ever a friend in town on the road and they wanna meet up and you're like?

• 1:27:20Andrew Santino?

  All the time.

• 1:27:20Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:27:21Andrew Santino?

  All the time. What do you mean, all the time?

• 1:27:22Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's like in my, that's like the bane of my existence.

• 1:27:24Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you come to the show, if I'm already there.

• 1:27:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:28Speaker 07

  That's great.

• 1:27:29Andrew Santino?

  Otherwise, I'm leaving.

• 1:27:29Speaker 07

  No, I.

• 1:27:30Andrew Santino?

  I'm in and out.

• 1:27:31Speaker 07

  Dude, it's Saturday. It's college football season. I just wanna sit in this room all day.

• 1:27:35Andrew Santino?

  I'll be in my hotel room eating room service.

• 1:27:37Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:27:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, fapping, fapping and napping.

• 1:27:39Speaker 07

  They don't have room service at Cory or Marriott, see, I bet.

• 1:27:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, they're good. No, they're going to. Next, next year. We did upgrades.

• 1:27:43Speaker 07

  Oh, you guys did that?

• 1:27:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I said, I told them to.

• 1:27:45Speaker 07

  I'll swing down to the bistro.

• 1:27:46Andrew Santino?

  It's only for titaniums. You are titanium level, aren't you?

• 1:27:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:27:51Andrew Santino?

  Only for titanium level. By the way, have, do you have over a million miles?

• 1:27:54Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:27:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, same.

• 1:27:56Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:27:56Andrew Santino?

  I almost have it on.

• 1:27:57Speaker 07

  On Delta?

• 1:27:57Andrew Santino?

  I almost have it on two.

• 1:27:59Speaker 07

  Oh, really? What's your number two?

• 1:28:00Andrew Santino?

  Delta's two. American's number one.

• 1:28:02Speaker 07

  American's number one.

• 1:28:03Andrew Santino?

  And that's because I respect my country and I love where I come from.

• 1:28:05Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's great. Delta, red, white and blue, out of Atlanta, Georgia. Nothing American about that place, but.

• 1:28:09Andrew Santino?

  Not at all. You, you, you said it. Not me.

• 1:28:11Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:11Andrew Santino?

  You said it, not me.

• 1:28:12Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:28:12Andrew Santino?

  American is the one. We're out of Dallas and guess what? Dallas, America. Dallas, America's team.

• 1:28:19Speaker 07

  Uh huh. Great team.

• 1:28:20Andrew Santino?

  Great team.

• 1:28:21Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah. Great, winning team. Like American Airlines.

• 1:28:24Andrew Santino?

  A great winning team.

• 1:28:25Speaker 07

  Yeah, great winning team. Always happy.

• 1:28:27Andrew Santino?

  How about this? Who's crashed more, Delta or American? And by the way, if I can give American some credit, we did take down two buildings, so.

• 1:28:34Speaker 07

  Wow. What's more American than that?

• 1:28:36Andrew Santino?

  Uh, thank God.

• 1:28:36Speaker 07

  Domestic terrorism.

• 1:28:37Andrew Santino?

  Build it just to break it down.

• 1:28:38Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:28:38Andrew Santino?

  That is what we do culturally, so why not?

• 1:28:40Speaker 07

  You showed that you were such a strong American product, you could destroy a different American product. A weaker American building. The airline with the most crashes, number one is a tie between one of the ones you guys listed.

• 1:28:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:54Speaker 07

  And Air France.

• 1:28:55Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Air France. They do be crashing. They do be crashing. They do be crashing.

• 1:28:58Speaker 07

  Air France be crashing. American Airlines.

• 1:29:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah!

• 1:29:01Speaker 07

  Congrats, man. You got a little risk to your flying. You like a little sense.

• 1:29:04Andrew Santino?

  I told you. I don't like safety.

• 1:29:05Speaker 07

  Well, you're dead on the inside. Sometimes you try to feel something in our age.

• 1:29:08Andrew Santino?

  I'm sitting here and I'm rotting.

• 1:29:09Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:10Andrew Santino?

  I want some judge.

• 1:29:11Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:29:11Andrew Santino?

  Air France.

• 1:29:12Speaker 07

  Delta's not in this. They got like eleven on here.

• 1:29:15Speaker 07

  Delta's good. Delta's too safe. Well, a lot of them are, there's not a lot, a lot of them. Air France, China Airlines, Korean Air, Pakistan.

• 1:29:21Andrew Santino?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 1:29:23Speaker 07

  USA.

• 1:29:24Andrew Santino?

  Jesus Christ, you'd slow down, alright?

• 1:29:26Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:26Andrew Santino?

  No, I do-

• 1:29:27Speaker 07

  Are those commercial airlines?

• 1:29:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I don't know. China's just a guy out of China, just a billionaire out of China that flies once in a while. I, no, I did, I was a Delta boy for a long time because the planes are nicer, but American has way more options all the time, everywhere I go.

• 1:29:40Speaker 07

  That's all I care about at this point, like, I'm just like-

• 1:29:42Andrew Santino?

  Who has the most options and who's the cheapest?

• 1:29:44Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:44Andrew Santino?

  So I, I jump around a lot.

• 1:29:46Speaker 07

  Yeah, I'm Delta and Southwest almost always.

• 1:29:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:49Speaker 07

  I like Southwest because it's different. Every once in a while I'll be like, I'll go be one of these.

• 1:29:53Andrew Santino?

  I can't do that, yeah.

• 1:29:54Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:29:54Andrew Santino?

  I do it once in a very long when I have to.

• 1:29:56Speaker 07

  You're power bottom.

• 1:29:57Andrew Santino?

  It's, no, it's more that I feel so uncomfortable.

• 1:29:59Speaker 07

  It's very uncomfortable.

• 1:30:00Andrew Santino?

  The seats are-

• 1:30:01Speaker 07

  It's like a church meet and greet.

• 1:30:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:02Speaker 07

  Everyone's shaking hands. They're also happy on there. It's physically uncomfortable and everyone's very extroverted on there.

• 1:30:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:08Speaker 07

  They're doing jokes, they're doing bits.

• 1:30:09Andrew Santino?

  I don't like that whole thing either, the bits, the bits.

• 1:30:11Speaker 07

  No, no, do open mics like the rest of us.

• 1:30:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, dude, line up.

• 1:30:13Speaker 07

  But my wife loves it.

• 1:30:15Andrew Santino?

  She loves it.

• 1:30:16Speaker 07

  She laughs it because my wife's like a normal human being. She's not a monster like me and you.

• 1:30:20Andrew Santino?

  She's not shattered.

• 1:30:20Speaker 07

  Like if I, even if they're funny, I'll just go, "That's funny." That's all I'll give them.

• 1:30:25Andrew Santino?

  I hate it, dude.

• 1:30:25Speaker 07

  But really, I'm mad.

• 1:30:26Andrew Santino?

  I put on my headphones and I look down the other way.

• 1:30:28Speaker 07

  But I like the two free check bags, I like the thing.

• 1:30:31Andrew Santino?

  Would you have status on airlines? Doesn't matter anyway.

• 1:30:32Speaker 07

  On Delta, yeah, but not on, yeah.

• 1:30:35Andrew Santino?

  No, I just don't, I, Southwest to me is just because being a little bit taller, um, the seats are comically uncomfortable.

• 1:30:41Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:30:41Andrew Santino?

  They hit my knees.

• 1:30:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, that is one of the things that I rejoice that, about tall people is that you hurt on planes.

• 1:30:47Andrew Santino?

  And we, well, and I have bad back.

• 1:30:48Speaker 07

  It's one of the few, yeah, that, that sucks.

• 1:30:50Andrew Santino?

  So it's even worse.

• 1:30:51Speaker 07

  That does, I feel for the bad back.

• 1:30:52Andrew Santino?

  I deserve it. No, no, no.

• 1:30:53Speaker 07

  No, not the bad back. Bad knees, sure.

• 1:30:55Andrew Santino?

  Sh, bad knees, I deserve it, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:57Speaker 07

  But bad back, no one deserves that.

• 1:30:58Andrew Santino?

  You spend so much time on these things at the beginning of your career that you just gotta, gotta pay for it later.

• 1:31:02Speaker 07

  Yeah, again-

• 1:31:04Andrew Santino?

  Shout out to Harvey.

• 1:31:04Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:31:05Andrew Santino?

  Miss you, buddy.

• 1:31:05Speaker 07

  Again, telling my dad that. I was like, "Oh, it's just all the sitting."

• 1:31:10Andrew Santino?

  I know.

• 1:31:10Speaker 07

  It's just this, you know, I go in the sky in my little adult high chair.

• 1:31:13Andrew Santino?

  I just shit down all the time.

• 1:31:15Speaker 07

  And you bring me my, well, snackies.

• 1:31:16Andrew Santino?

  My water.

• 1:31:16Speaker 07

  Mmm. But sometimes if I sit too long, my backy hurts. And then Dad, I'm in a different bed every night, and that's not good.

• 1:31:25Andrew Santino?

  Your dad's like, "I made a medal and I have to drink pills for breakfast."

• 1:31:27Speaker 07

  Hey, he's like, "I literally built your bed as a child."

• 1:31:32Andrew Santino?

  It is so incredible that we're the weakest, we're the weakest, we're, our profession has been-

• 1:31:35Speaker 07

  And I make so much more money than him, it sucks!

• 1:31:37Andrew Santino?

  Well, did you give any to him?

• 1:31:38Speaker 07

  No!

• 1:31:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you shouldn't.

• 1:31:39Speaker 07

  No.

• 1:31:40Andrew Santino?

  Do not pay it back.

• 1:31:40Speaker 07

  No, as a matter of fact, when I first started my career, he lived with us and I charged him rent.

• 1:31:44Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that makes sense.

• 1:31:45Speaker 07

  Yeah, San Diego's expensive.

• 1:31:46Andrew Santino?

  It really is, dude.

• 1:31:47Speaker 07

  The rec center was not great money and that road, you know, as much as you think, whatever you think, uh, middle weekend at the Looney Bin in Tulsa pays, it's less.

• 1:31:57Andrew Santino?

  It's half.

• 1:31:57Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:58Andrew Santino?

  Half of what you think it is.

• 1:31:59Speaker 07

  Freezen told me that once I was doing Chicago Zany's. Good club, this is a good club.

• 1:32:02Andrew Santino?

  Downtown.

• 1:32:03Speaker 07

  Yeah, and, uh, I like the Rosemont one too, they're both nice.

• 1:32:06Andrew Santino?

  Never, never been up there.

• 1:32:07Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's great, it's like, it's literally in the O'Hare parking lot.

• 1:32:09Andrew Santino?

  I know, I don't want to go up there.

• 1:32:10Speaker 07

  It's, it's, it's not an area of town where you're happy to be in, but the club is beautiful. And, anyway, so I do it, and at the end of the week, I'd done like six shows or something like that, some run, and, and he goes, "Can I see your check?" And it was for like $600 or whatever, and he's like, "I don't know if this is gonna make you feel better or worse." I featured here in 1996, and that was the same amount of money. And I was like, "You-"

• 1:32:33Andrew Santino?

  Way worse.

• 1:32:34Speaker 07

  "Do you think that was gonna make me feel better?"

• 1:32:35Andrew Santino?

  That's way worse, yeah, what are you talking about?

• 1:32:37Speaker 07

  And then I get to the airport and it's an oversold flight, and I'm coming back to my daughter's dance recital, and they're doing that thing where they're auctioning-

• 1:32:44Andrew Santino?

  Oh, the money for the tickets?

• 1:32:45Speaker 07

  The money thing.

• 1:32:45Andrew Santino?

  Love that.

• 1:32:46Speaker 07

  And I'm like, but I'm like, "How much?" I'm putting a monetary value to attending my daughter's dance recital.

• 1:32:52Andrew Santino?

  Won't be her last one.

• 1:32:54Andrew Santino?

  They're gonna have another one.

• 1:32:55Speaker 07

  I was like, "You know what you really like? They're giving out $1,000 to Best Buy right now. Flat screen?"

• 1:33:00Andrew Santino?

  Daddy's gonna bring home a TV.

• 1:33:01Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's gonna be-

• 1:33:03Andrew Santino?

  That is a big actual, uh, that's a big problem that we've talked about, a lot of comics, uh, headliners, I really get frustrated about, uh, the same pay has been the same for features for a long time now.

• 1:33:13Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:33:13Andrew Santino?

  And that does need to stop, I've said that to a lot of clubs, I've talked to a lot of managers and owners of clubs, and they kinda give me a runaround, but I've said it enough where, uh, I need to start making other headliners spread it, cause I do think, you know, headliners typically supplement. Like I'll pay, I'll pay my features more than obviously than the club was gonna give them. Um, and, and I don't mind doing it. We shouldn't have to do it. I do think it's bullshit that these clubs are paying the same money because inflation and the, what money is worth and what things cost now. The fact they still get away with it, I'm not, I'm not cool with it. I think it's, I think it's really gross.

• 1:33:43Speaker 07

  People would do it for free.

• 1:33:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but that's not the point of anything, right?

• 1:33:46Speaker 07

  I know it's not, but it's the reality of it, right?

• 1:33:47Andrew Santino?

  I know, but I think, I still think they need to adjust because they're making more money now than they ever have. They're selling more wings and more beer at a higher price.

• 1:33:53Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:33:54Andrew Santino?

  And they're still making a lot of money on those tickets and tickets are more expensive than they were in 96 too.

• 1:33:57Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:33:58Andrew Santino?

  So, I don't like it. So all these club owners and managers-

• 1:33:59Speaker 07

  Well especially, those were built off of rooms that were like 90 seaters, like those old models. They're based off on old Zany's where they're like, hey, we actually have a cap on how much money. These 600 seat clubs-

• 1:34:11Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the Improv's, they have like 500 seaters now. Yeah, give me a fucking break. They're making plenty of money. I don't really like it as much. It bothers me-

• 1:34:17Speaker 07

  It's nice you pay a little extra, yeah.

• 1:34:17Andrew Santino?

  I've tried to yell about that because I don't like it, but all I do is, it doesn't do anything and then I just supplement by paying, paying more than what they were gonna make.

• 1:34:26Speaker 07

  Well, good. The artist pays more. Great.

• 1:34:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, right. That was, that's what the clubs really wanted. Yeah, it's on us. And as it should be. Alright, this will be out, by the way, after your Tonight Show appearance and you did great-

• 1:34:36Speaker 07

  God, I hope it went well.

• 1:34:37Andrew Santino?

  No, you did really good.

• 1:34:37Speaker 07

  Did it? Good.

• 1:34:38Andrew Santino?

  And, uh, we'll put the link in the description below to watch it on YouTube because they put it up the next morning.

• 1:34:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:34:43Andrew Santino?

  So you'll be able to watch it if you wanna go see him crush. If you wanna see him crush. Crush, crush, crush.

• 1:34:48Speaker 07

  Oh man, I hope this isn't a bomb.

• 1:34:49Andrew Santino?

  Uh, click in the link description. Also, he's on tour, uh, and his website is called, uh, The Big, The Big Burly Daddy or The Big Burly Bear? Which one?

• 1:34:56Speaker 07

  Uh, dustinthenword.com.

• 1:34:58Andrew Santino?

  Dustin the N-word.

• 1:35:01Speaker 07

  Dustin Nickerson.com.

• 1:35:02Andrew Santino?

  Dustin Nickerson.com. Go see him live. You are, uh, one of the funniest people, uh, that I've had on this show and that doesn't say much because I've had a lot of really, really, really, um-

• 1:35:12Speaker 07

  Funniest.

• 1:35:12Andrew Santino?

  Just losers on the show.

• 1:35:15Speaker 07

  Let's name names.

• 1:35:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh, easy money. Put up that list again?

• 1:35:20Andrew Santino?

  But go to dustinnickerson.com, go see him. Watch his, uh, watch his Tonight Show appearance and also watch his special that's also on YouTube. We can put that in the description below. It's called...

• 1:35:28Speaker 07

  Runs in the Family.

• 1:35:29Andrew Santino?

  Runs in the Family. And, uh, and the only one that does is actually your son, who is 420 mile. Unbelievable.

• 1:35:34Speaker 07

  My wife ran in college too, she's very fast.

• 1:35:35Andrew Santino?

  Not like your son, though, let's be real.

• 1:35:37Speaker 07

  I mean, she's a woman.

• 1:35:38Andrew Santino?

  What does that mean, dude? What does that mean? Can't compete.

• 1:35:40Speaker 07

  Runs from domestic violence.

• 1:35:41Andrew Santino?

  I get that.

• 1:35:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, yeah, she runs from violent men chasing her in the streets.

• 1:35:45Andrew Santino?

  Go watch him live, go see him live, support, uh, live comedy. It means a lot to us. Uh, look in that camera right there. You say one word or one phrase to end the episode, whatever strikes a chord. If you feel like it's a word that's powerful enough to end the episode, so be it. If you need to get something off your chest, you can do that, too.

• 1:36:00Speaker 07

  Bottoms.

• 1:36:03Speaker 04

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:36:08Speaker 05

  Who's that creature in the ginger beard? Sturdy and ginger.

• 1:36:12Speaker 06

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Ginger's a huge... You owe me $5 for the whiskey, $75 for the whore.

• 1:36:19Speaker 05

  Ginger's, oh, hell no. This whiskey is excellent. Ginger, I like gingers.