Caitlin Peluffo loves a short king 👑| Whiskey Ginger

Welcome to Whiskey Ginger a Wave series. Andrew Santino sits down with comedian Caitlin Peluffo for a hilarious conversation about stand-up, dating, relationships, bad decisions, life on the road, and all the questionable choices that eventually become great material. Caitlin was a finalist on Kevin Hart's Funny AF on Netflix and has appeared on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, The Late Late Show with James Corden, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, After Midnight, and Comedy Central. Her brand-new stand-up special, Prosciutto Rose, is out now and streaming free on YouTube. Caitlin gets into breakups, dating short kings, and everything else that comes with being a self-described lovable loose cannon. Watch Caitlin Peluffo: Prosciutto Rose: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8M5HKgLyjcI Check out Caitlin's tour dates and more: https://www.caitlinpeluffo.com Follow Caitlin Peluffo: https://www.instagram.com/caitlinpeluffo Follow Andrew Santino: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Follow Whiskey Ginger: https://instagram.com/whiskeygingerpodcast #WhiskeyGinger #AndrewSantino #CaitlinPeluffo #ProsciuttoRose Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Need fast hydration for the summer heat? Hydrate your wins with the new Liquid IV Sugar-Free Ring Pop Cherry. It's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving. Reimagined as a zero-sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're spending the day in the heat, recovering after a workout, or just looking for an easy afternoon pick-me-up, Liquid IV makes hydration simple and delicious. Shop LiquidIV.com. Save with their Buy 3 Get 1 Free offer and use promo code POD26. That's P-O-D-2-6.

• 0:36Speaker 00

  Let's be honest, you don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir. Gift a KitchenAid Stand Mixer to whip up new traditions. Tis your season to mix it up.

• 0:50Andrew Santino?

  Hey, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger, a wave series. With Ginger fans, I am going to be playing Sloan Park. Sloan Park, October 18th. That's where my Chicago Cubs Spring Train with Dave Chappelle. You might have heard of him, David Chappelle, famous stand-up comedian. I'm opening for Dave Chappelle at Sloan Park in Mesa on October 18th. I'm so very excited. And also, Whiskey Ginger fans, I got a ton of dates. We're slowly leaking them out. We're playing Vegas on March 27th at the Cosmopolitan. And I'm lining up 10 or 12 other cities right now. So go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets and be on the lookout for the new dates that we're dropping in 2027. Andrew Santino.com. I'll see you in Arizona, October 18th with Dave Chappelle.

• 1:29Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:34Speaker 03

  You're that creature in the ginger beard. Sturdy and ginger.

• 1:38Speaker 04

  Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse. Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

• 1:46Speaker 05

  Gingers, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.

• 1:50Speaker 03

  Ginger, I like gingers.

• 1:53Andrew Santino?

  Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. They say they're from my guest's wedding meeting once again today. It's Caitlin Peluffo.

• 1:59Speaker 06

  Hello. I love the way you said it, like a, like a Mexican soccer announcer.

• 2:03Andrew Santino?

  Peluffo.

• 2:04Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 2:05Andrew Santino?

  I said to you when you walked in, this is a soccer jersey, but this is World Cup, is World Cupian celebration? But you said no.

• 2:12Speaker 06

  No, this is Urban Outfitters and it hides my sweat stains. So I wear it during the summertime.

• 2:16Andrew Santino?

  Smart.

• 2:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love it. But I am a big fan of the World Cup, but this is not. I would never put a man's name on my back. That's crazy.

• 2:23Andrew Santino?

  Who's on there? Who's back there?

• 2:24Speaker 06

  There's no one.

• 2:25Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's good. Yeah, you would never support wearing a jersey of another.

• 2:28Speaker 06

  Crazy. But I would, I have a woman's World Cup jersey for the US. I have Kristen Press on the back.

• 2:35Andrew Santino?

  Kristen Press? I don't know who that is.

• 2:37Speaker 06

  She's a, she plays.

• 2:38Andrew Santino?

  I don't follow soccer.

• 2:39Speaker 06

  It's okay. She played for Angel City and then she also, I have the US Women's World Cup or National Team jersey. She was very good. She was a very, you know, she was a great player. She could play anywhere, which I liked.

• 2:50Andrew Santino?

  Did you play soccer as a kid?

• 2:51Speaker 06

  I did, I did. I was one of those nerds.

• 2:53Andrew Santino?

  This is all lining up. So I don't want, let's not talk about it, cause I'm, I'm Mr. No Soccer.

• 2:57Speaker 06

  No, that's okay. You don't have to.

• 2:59Andrew Santino?

  I just, the World Cup, I'm like, yeah, cool. I just, but I don't fucking care.

• 3:03Speaker 06

  I mean, I started this, this little series where I just talk about boy, the soccer players and how hot they are. You know, basically it'd be like, do you know whose abs or ass this is? You know, it's very highbrow stuff.

• 3:13Andrew Santino?

  I know Messi's ass, I'll tell you that. Seen that from a mile away.

• 3:17Speaker 06

  I will say a lot of men do. And they're like, that is the ass of the god. But the amount of comments that I get that are like, it's football, you idiot. I was like, well, I'm doing this in America, soccer head, idiot.

• 3:29Andrew Santino?

  It's soccer here.

• 3:30Speaker 06

  It's soccer here.

• 3:31Andrew Santino?

  It's not football.

• 3:32Speaker 06

  It's not.

• 3:32Andrew Santino?

  We have football.

• 3:33Speaker 06

  Just accept it. We're not going to change. It's not going to be different. This is what it is. We have football.

• 3:38Andrew Santino?

  By the way, what is that? Where does soccer come from? Why do we call it soccer and not football? Why were we late to this? Cause literally, the whole world played soccer before us and then we just called it soccer. That's so cool of America to be like, fuck you, we'll name it something else.

• 3:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, we have a different football, okay? And it's played with your hands, so.

• 3:55Andrew Santino?

  It is crazy to rename an international sport that's been around for hundreds of years. That's so funny.

• 4:02Speaker 06

  So cocky. Very, very Trumpy before Trump.

• 4:05Andrew Santino?

  250 years, baby.

• 4:07Speaker 05

  It's British in origin.

• 4:09Andrew Santino?

  So the Brits did it to themselves?

• 4:10Speaker 05

  Yeah. It's, it's cause they both developed in very different types of whatever things.

• 4:16Andrew Santino?

  But I mean, it's the exact same game.

• 4:17Speaker 05

  Exactly. Well, cause one came from rugby, rugby football, and the other came from ASS Soccer Association Football. The latter term was shortened to soccer, sometimes spelled soccer like a sock on your foot.

• 4:30Speaker 06

  Oh, that's kind of fun. I like the.

• 4:33Andrew Santino?

  Here we learn on the show.

• 4:34Speaker 06

  This is not, we may not be having whiskey, but we're learning.

• 4:36Andrew Santino?

  The etymology of stuff, cause I'm like, how did that even get to be that thing? Cause, cause I tried soccer when I was a little kid. Me no like, yeah.

• 4:44Speaker 06

  Didn't take.

• 4:45Andrew Santino?

  I just wanted more, I liked physical, and I know people like soccer is physical. I liked hit, kill.

• 4:53Speaker 06

  I get it.

• 4:54Andrew Santino?

  Score.

• 4:55Speaker 06

  Totally.

• 4:55Andrew Santino?

  Scoring was a nightmare.

• 4:56Speaker 06

  Football, like football?

• 4:57Andrew Santino?

  Football, baseball, basketball, anything where it's like, hit stuff.

• 5:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:03Andrew Santino?

  Hit people, hit stuff.

• 5:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:05Andrew Santino?

  Bang, boom, bam.

• 5:05Speaker 06

  Bang, boom, go, wow.

• 5:07Andrew Santino?

  Like an American boy. Bang, bang, bang. That's who we are. Bang, bang, boom, boom. We liked that. Soccer was like, go, go, go. Go, go, go. Like it never paid off.

• 5:19Speaker 06

  That's very true.

• 5:19Andrew Santino?

  It hurt my heart.

• 5:20Speaker 06

  I get it, but I was the, I was the, I like a bang, bang.

• 5:23Andrew Santino?

  You're a striker?

• 5:25Speaker 06

  I was a middlefielder and so then you got to protect the ball, but you got to hit a lot of things.

• 5:29Andrew Santino?

  Right, you got to be physical.

• 5:30Speaker 06

  I got to be physical.

• 5:31Andrew Santino?

  Did you play in college?

• 5:31Speaker 06

  I played one year in college. Yeah, yeah.

• 5:33Andrew Santino?

  What happened after that?

• 5:34Speaker 06

  Well, Caitlin like, likes a little drink.

• 5:39Andrew Santino?

  Ah, yes.

• 5:40Speaker 06

  So at 10 a.m. and you're like, you want a whiskey? I was like, well, I only got to drive to the Burbank Airport, but.

• 5:45Andrew Santino?

  It's not that far.

• 5:46Speaker 06

  It's not that far.

• 5:46Andrew Santino?

  All right, we'll have a little one. We'll have a little one.

• 5:48Speaker 06

  We'll have a little one. But no, I, I got out of shape, cause I didn't drink up until through high school, cause I wanted to play soccer.

• 5:55Andrew Santino?

  You got out of shape in college?

• 5:56Speaker 06

  In college. I played my first year and then I went home for the summer and I just partied my ass off.

• 6:03Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's, I haven't stopped since I was 15 years old.

• 6:06Speaker 06

  I know, and it was, it was a blast. And then I just didn't keep up with the fitness.

• 6:10Andrew Santino?

  And your coach was like, hey, man, this is.

• 6:13Speaker 06

  I was the last one cut, yeah.

• 6:14Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 6:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 6:15Andrew Santino?

  This is like a Disney movie.

• 6:17Speaker 06

  I mean.

• 6:17Andrew Santino?

  And you didn't have the, you didn't have like the gumption to try to get back on the team?

• 6:22Speaker 06

  I literally asked him, I was like, I'll do anything. And he's like, well, we can make you a red shirt. And I was like, I'm not doing that.

• 6:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, cause then you get an extra year of school.

• 6:30Speaker 06

  Cause I was already a red shirt. So I was like, six years of college? I can't, this is too pathetic.

• 6:34Andrew Santino?

  Some of my friends, shout out Arizona State, a lot of my friends did six or seven.

• 6:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, but are they professional football players now?

• 6:40Andrew Santino?

  Most of them work in the food industry.

• 6:44Speaker 06

  Okay, just kidding. We got bartenders, we got line cooks.

• 6:47Andrew Santino?

  Delivering food, yeah. Most of my friends are, yeah, they're food concierge. So they drive for Postmates.

• 6:55Speaker 06

  Oh, a D'Addash, a D'Addash.

• 6:56Andrew Santino?

  The Dash. It's a, it's a wonderful company. Cheers to you, by the way.

• 7:01Speaker 06

  Cheers, cheers to you.

• 7:02Andrew Santino?

  By the way, you're only going to Burbank, so.

• 7:03Speaker 06

  I'm only going to Burbank.

• 7:04Andrew Santino?

  And who cares? If you crash, you crash. It's six miles or something, yeah.

• 7:08Speaker 06

  And also, when I saw this one, I used to sell all the time. I also used to be a bartender and.

• 7:14Andrew Santino?

  I was a bartender, I did, I did it all too.

• 7:16Speaker 06

  Yeah, and that was my favorite. I would always recommend that one.

• 7:18Andrew Santino?

  It's so good.

• 7:19Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's delightful. And then you just collect all the little, the little heads.

• 7:23Andrew Santino?

  I got the little horses.

• 7:23Speaker 06

  You got all the little horses?

• 7:25Andrew Santino?

  I've done it like six times.

• 7:26Speaker 06

  Wow, good job.

• 7:27Andrew Santino?

  I don't know, it's kind of sad.

• 7:28Speaker 06

  Well, no, it's called Whiskey Ginger.

• 7:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it is. It's supposed to be, it's, yeah, I'm supposed to like whiskey.

• 7:34Speaker 06

  You're just good at your job.

• 7:35Andrew Santino?

  When did you start drinking?

• 7:36Speaker 06

  When, 18. It was the initiation for making the soccer team.

• 7:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that was the first drink you had? You didn't drink in high school at all?

• 7:44Speaker 06

  Not at all. I was so afraid that I would not be able to play soccer in college, cause they make it seem like if you want a scholarship, if you want to get into, and I wanted, at that time, I wanted to go pro. I wanted to be a professional soccer player.

• 7:55Andrew Santino?

  And you could have.

• 7:56Speaker 06

  No.

• 7:56Andrew Santino?

  You really don't think so?

• 7:57Speaker 06

  I don't think so. You had, when I look back, I was good. I was really good. I could have played four, four years in college, at a good college.

• 8:04Andrew Santino?

  Like in high school, were you like all-state or any of that stuff?

• 8:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think so. I think it was all-state. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:10Andrew Santino?

  All-conference, all that, I mean, I don't.

• 8:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, I have, I have a lot of placards.

• 8:13Andrew Santino?

  You have a lot of accolades.

• 8:14Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 8:15Andrew Santino?

  At mom's house?

• 8:16Speaker 06

  At mom's house.

• 8:16Andrew Santino?

  And they're still up on the wall?

• 8:18Speaker 06

  Uh, no, no, they moved, but they were up on the wall. My sister got married and all of her was on there and then mine was just all soccer and being alone. And I was like, cool. Yeah.

• 8:29Andrew Santino?

  Wedding photos that you just, you with a soccer ball next to it.

• 8:32Speaker 06

  Literally, that's what it was. Yeah, it was, it was kind of sad.

• 8:36Andrew Santino?

  It's not sad.

• 8:37Speaker 06

  Well, I'm sitting on my stomach with the ball in my legs.

• 8:40Andrew Santino?

  By an oak tree?

• 8:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, exactly.

• 8:42Andrew Santino?

  Or this one, the one of leaning against an oak tree was always such a funny.

• 8:45Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:45Andrew Santino?

  Cause we're near the same generation. That was our classes, like hiding behind a tree or like near a tree in the woods. I don't know why that became, that's what it was in the Midwest. Where'd you grow up?

• 8:57Speaker 06

  San Bruno. Just, don't you know San Bruno?

• 9:00Andrew Santino?

  San Bruno?

• 9:01Speaker 06

  San Francisco, California.

• 9:02Andrew Santino?

  Okay, okay.

• 9:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, Bay Area.

• 9:03Andrew Santino?

  In the Midwest, it was like, it was all like, we got to get to a wooded area, forest, and you have to like be near a tree or like lay next to a group of, like near a little body of water. It was like go near a lake. That's, that's our.

• 9:17Speaker 06

  It's cute.

• 9:18Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it was cute.

• 9:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, we didn't have that. We had, we were like, stand next to a goalpost and lean on it, you know? So there's a, literally a picture of me in the San Mateo Times, okay?

• 9:27Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, find it.

• 9:29Speaker 06

  I was athlete of the week a few times, okay? Yeah, I'm not joking. Thank you. I really peaked in high school. But I'm leaning against the goalpost and I'm holding a ball and I'm just like, like swagger.

• 9:40Andrew Santino?

  I'm the shit.

• 9:42Speaker 06

  I really thought I was hot shit.

• 9:43Andrew Santino?

  You know who I am, I'm the shit.

• 9:45Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm Caitlin Peluffo. I'm really good in San Bruno, mediocre anywhere else.

• 9:50Andrew Santino?

  Where'd you go to college?

• 9:51Speaker 06

  UC San Diego.

• 9:52Andrew Santino?

  Oh my God, so you liked to party or a bad girl?

• 9:55Speaker 06

  Oh my God, yeah. I, we did this, the initiation, and I had to have Malibu with rum.

• 10:01Andrew Santino?

  Ooh, I hate Malibu.

• 10:02Speaker 06

  For the first time. Well, when it's your first drink.

• 10:05Andrew Santino?

  Sure, I'm sure, yeah, yeah.

• 10:06Speaker 06

  It's like, this is great.

• 10:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 10:07Speaker 06

  This is delightful.

• 10:08Andrew Santino?

  Sugar bomb.

• 10:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, it was great. And they were like, do you want more? And I was like, I want more. And they're like, well, if you want more, you gotta do push-ups. So I'm literally dressed in this cave woman outfit, cause for initiation, they try and humiliate you.

• 10:19Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 10:19Speaker 06

  Little do they know.

• 10:20Andrew Santino?

  You love being a cave woman.

• 10:22Speaker 06

  I'll humiliate myself, okay? I'll do it time and time again. So I'm dressed in like this cave woman outfit. They put these fake tits on me and they always made sure the nipples were showing.

• 10:32Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 10:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, fun.

• 10:33Andrew Santino?

  Fun.

• 10:34Speaker 06

  You know, I was handcuffed to another girl and in order to get unhandcuffed, we had to do certain challenges. But luckily, the guy was like not a dick and he was like, go get me a beer. And everyone was like, make them make out. And we were like, we're not gonna do that.

• 10:45Andrew Santino?

  Make them make out, that guy, the guy in the back. What does they make out? They're like, all right, Kevin, stop fucking saying that, dude. You said it seven times already. Yeah, but it'd be chill if they did, right? It'd be funny as part of the, that'd be like a punishment for them, for sure.

• 10:59Speaker 06

  Meanwhile, we're 17. It's like, oh, this is a felony. Yeah.

• 11:04Andrew Santino?

  It's prison time, Kevin.

• 11:06Speaker 06

  Kevin's throwing up some red flags there. But yeah, and then they would just give me, they plied me with Malibu and it was so good.

• 11:14Andrew Santino?

  Is that the one drink you can't have anymore now? You know, the one that you drank too much of?

• 11:17Speaker 06

  No, the one that I drank too much of was just all vodka.

• 11:20Andrew Santino?

  Vodka you can't have.

• 11:21Speaker 06

  Vodka and Captain Morgan. I will.

• 11:23Andrew Santino?

  Captain Morgan is mine.

• 11:25Speaker 06

  That's yours?

• 11:25Andrew Santino?

  Can never do it again. The smell of it.

• 11:27Speaker 06

  Oh my God. I took a whiff and I was like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna.

• 11:32Andrew Santino?

  It's the worst. It's disgusting. I, uh, something about Captain Morgan, the idea of it bums me out. Like even the sound of it.

• 11:39Speaker 06

  Just every, like the fucking frat boys putting their leg up. Oh, I'm doing the Captain Morgan.

• 11:44Andrew Santino?

  It's gross.

• 11:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:45Andrew Santino?

  You live your whole life in California and then you shipped off to the east coast.

• 11:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 11:49Andrew Santino?

  What are you doing?

• 11:50Speaker 06

  A real nerd. I went to grad school.

• 11:51Andrew Santino?

  Come on back, dude.

• 11:54Speaker 06

  I honestly.

• 11:55Andrew Santino?

  You don't miss California?

• 11:57Speaker 06

  No. I.

• 11:58Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 11:59Speaker 06

  Okay, alright.

• 11:59Andrew Santino?

  That hurts to hear.

• 12:00Speaker 06

  Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're from the Midwest, so of course California's like, whoa.

• 12:05Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no. Get out of here.

• 12:08Speaker 06

  I'm just saying, if you're impressed by Ohio, you're gonna love California.

• 12:11Andrew Santino?

  I'm from Chicago. We're a great city.

• 12:13Speaker 06

  Yes, that's true. That's true. You're a great city. I take it back. I take it back.

• 12:16Andrew Santino?

  I like the weather out here.

• 12:17Speaker 06

  Yes. I get that.

• 12:18Andrew Santino?

  You went from nice weather to dog shit weather.

• 12:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, I like snow.

• 12:22Andrew Santino?

  What for?

• 12:23Speaker 06

  It's adorable. It's magical. It's pretty.

• 12:25Andrew Santino?

  And right, this is, this sounds like a California kid.

• 12:27Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 12:27Andrew Santino?

  You're gonna make fun of us. I like snow. Oh, you, oh yeah, well, you didn't grow up shoveling it your whole life as a kid. It's a fucking nightmare. And your dad was like, put on your galoshes and shut the fuck up. And you shuffle out there and you're freezing your ass off and you're 12 and you're bummed and it's slippery. And your dad is like, stop bitching, gotta do the lines back. That sucks, dude. You know, that is why we move here. Cause fuck that. The snow stinks.

• 12:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 12:55Andrew Santino?

  You live in the city now?

• 12:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, I live in, uh, Manhattan. Yeah.

• 12:58Andrew Santino?

  See, also, yeah, you don't have to shovel.

• 13:00Speaker 06

  No, I don't shovel shit.

• 13:01Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you like the snow because you see it and then a, a man in a truck takes it away.

• 13:04Speaker 06

  I literally live in my concrete tree house and I watch it fall gently onto the snow.

• 13:07Andrew Santino?

  That's beautiful.

• 13:08Speaker 06

  It's beautiful. It's wonderful.

• 13:09Andrew Santino?

  But we grew up having a fucking shovel and then your dad would be like, go help Mrs. Wilkerson. She's old. And you're like, I don't wanna shovel her. You know what I mean? Then you go had to shovel other people's driveways and your dad was like, go do it. She, her husband died. You gotta go help her.

• 13:25Speaker 06

  Oh, you had a nice dad. You had a nice dad.

• 13:27Andrew Santino?

  Every Midwest dad does that. That's literally, it's, it's a code of Midwest fatherhood of like.

• 13:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:32Andrew Santino?

  You've, the old people in the neighborhood, you gotta help them. Go bring in her cans. And you're like, I don't wanna bring in her fucking garbage cans.

• 13:36Speaker 06

  We would bring in the garbage cans and stuff like that for Nina who's lived next door.

• 13:40Andrew Santino?

  Nina?

• 13:41Speaker 06

  Nina.

• 13:41Andrew Santino?

  Nina.

• 13:41Speaker 06

  Nina.

• 13:42Andrew Santino?

  And she was a single lady?

• 13:43Speaker 06

  Single lady, all alone. We would come over, bring her flowers and she would just. That's exactly what she was doing. She would just waddling to the door. Just waddle over and be like, here's some hard candies. You know?

• 13:54Andrew Santino?

  You want some hard candy? I've got candy corn. You like candy corn? Yeah, we love it. Ten pound bag of it. No, those days, I just don't, I don't miss those. I don't miss the.

• 14:05Speaker 06

  I love it.

• 14:05Andrew Santino?

  Uh, yeah. Well, again, in Manhattan, it's nice.

• 14:08Speaker 06

  Well, when I had a car, I would have to shovel out my car all the time.

• 14:10Andrew Santino?

  Nightmare.

• 14:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, that sucked.

• 14:12Andrew Santino?

  When'd you get rid of the car?

• 14:13Speaker 06

  I got rid of the Ford Fiesta. Well, the Ford Fiesta got totaled. Not my fault, my ex-boyfriend's fault.

• 14:19Andrew Santino?

  Piece of shit.

• 14:20Speaker 06

  I know. He still hasn't paid for it. Doesn't matter.

• 14:22Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 14:23Speaker 06

  I, girl, it's a whole thing.

• 14:25Andrew Santino?

  Well, put, um, we're gonna put his name, address and phone number right here. And so the fans, please, uh, rag on him.

• 14:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, no, no, it's fine. Um, but, uh, and then I got another one and then I moved to Manhattan and I just, I just sold it.

• 14:37Andrew Santino?

  You're like, this isn't worth it.

• 14:38Speaker 06

  In order to break up with my ex-boyfriend.

• 14:40Andrew Santino?

  Good on you.

• 14:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, and then I sold it and then I was able to move into Manhattan into my dream apartment.

• 14:44Andrew Santino?

  Was your ex a comedian person?

• 14:46Speaker 06

  Yes, he was. So I will not.

• 14:48Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna know about it.

• 14:49Speaker 06

  No, no, no.

• 14:49Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna hear about it. Don't wanna know about it.

• 14:51Speaker 06

  Okay, I won't. Let's move on.

• 14:52Andrew Santino?

  And what about now? You're single now? You're single now?

• 14:55Speaker 06

  Yes, I'm single now.

• 14:55Andrew Santino?

  Good for you.

• 14:56Speaker 06

  Trying to be, um, you know, a little whore.

• 15:00Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're sluttin' around.

• 15:01Speaker 06

  I'm trying. I'm not good at it.

• 15:02Andrew Santino?

  Why not?

• 15:02Speaker 06

  I fall in love.

• 15:04Andrew Santino?

  Oh, loser.

• 15:05Speaker 06

  I know. I'm a big dork. I wanna be in love. I was single. I like, did the whole like, it's just me, my eat, pray, love, whatever. I'm alone, mm, for like, uh, eight months. And then I was like, oh, I'm horny as hell. I would like to have some sex.

• 15:20Andrew Santino?

  Somebody bang me.

• 15:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, you literally just did my act. Okay? I'm on stage in the middle of Toledo just like, fuck me. Please fuck me. And then they're all like, okay. And I was like, not you.

• 15:33Andrew Santino?

  Anybody but you. And he's like, I'm the only one that wants to. And you're like, fuck. I gotta get out of Toledo.

• 15:38Speaker 06

  God damn it.

• 15:40Andrew Santino?

  So you're not, so you fall, you're, you're, you're, you quick fall. You're a quick fall in love. You one of these people that like, within a week, you're like, I think this is the one?

• 15:47Speaker 06

  Uh, no, I'm more like, what do you need? How can I help you? Do you wanna move in? Yeah. But I'm, but I'm not really sure if I like him.

• 15:55Andrew Santino?

  You just wanna like, save a broken thing?

• 15:56Speaker 06

  Yeah. Yeah, I love a broken thing.

• 15:57Andrew Santino?

  What is that? What is that? A lot of women like broken, broken things.

• 16:00Speaker 06

  I like a lot of broken things.

• 16:01Andrew Santino?

  It's gotta be something from your.

• 16:03Speaker 05

  From your parents.

• 16:04Andrew Santino?

  From a primal, no, but I think it's a lot of inter, a lot of women like this.

• 16:07Speaker 05

  If your parents didn't mother you, you'd got that instinct to.

• 16:10Andrew Santino?

  Did you have a good mother?

• 16:11Speaker 05

  Parent them.

• 16:11Speaker 06

  I had a great mother.

• 16:12Andrew Santino?

  So you're fucking wrong.

• 16:13Speaker 06

  You're fucking wrong. But she did take care of my dad.

• 16:16Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 16:16Speaker 06

  She was in charge of all the finances. She ran the household.

• 16:19Andrew Santino?

  She was the money girl.

• 16:20Speaker 06

  She was the, um, she was also the disciplinarian. So my mom was in charge of everything. Yeah.

• 16:25Andrew Santino?

  What about your pop? What did he do?

• 16:27Speaker 06

  My dad was, um, he was a carpenter, but he, uh, he was just kinda like, whatever she wants, you know, happy life, happy life. Yeah.

• 16:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I like that guy.

• 16:36Speaker 06

  But then he would also like rage out and stuff like that.

• 16:38Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 16:40Speaker 06

  It was a real.

• 16:41Andrew Santino?

  He would also beat the shit out of us and throw us down the stairs. But other than that, he was a great guy.

• 16:44Speaker 06

  He never hit us. He never hit us.

• 16:45Andrew Santino?

  You never got hit?

• 16:46Speaker 06

  Uh, by my mom. Yeah.

• 16:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, your mom hit.

• 16:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now she, she's actually since apologized and all that.

• 16:52Andrew Santino?

  And now you can hit her.

• 16:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:54Andrew Santino?

  You're stronger than these people. Isn't that nice to be stronger than them? When I bully around my dad, he's been around my dad. When I bully around my dad, it's my favorite thing in the world. It's fun to be able to like, what are you gonna do about it, old man? And he's like, Andrew, stop it, please. It's my favorite. Because this, how scared we were of these people. Our whole life was like, I'm sorry.

• 17:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:13Andrew Santino?

  Cause we were bad kids. I.

• 17:14Speaker 06

  I was a bad kid.

• 17:15Andrew Santino?

  I know you were. Every comedian, every comedian I know, with, unless, uh, with, maybe there's like three or four that were like kinda good kids.

• 17:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:25Andrew Santino?

  Most of them were bad kids. Now, probably because school was boring. You were either, it's two, you're either too smart for school, so it was boring, or you were so dumb.

• 17:35Andrew Santino?

  That school was like not a waste of time.

• 17:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:37Andrew Santino?

  Either way, it sucks. And then you rebelled by being like, I need attention and fun and I would like to goof and I wanna, and I wanna be active and fuck around. And then, so you need to get it out. So you become, look at me.

• 17:49Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 17:50Andrew Santino?

  Look at me.

• 17:50Speaker 06

  I was told that I was the dumb one and then in middle school found out I was a smart one.

• 17:55Andrew Santino?

  Look at that.

• 17:55Speaker 06

  Look at that.

• 17:56Andrew Santino?

  Teachers were like, she's dumb.

• 17:57Speaker 06

  Yeah. And then I, and then they had to take a standardized test to get placed in middle school. And I scored like the highest in the class and they were like, oh, what the fuck? You know, and I was like, yeah, I think I'm smart. I'm just not good at reading out loud.

• 18:11Andrew Santino?

  I just don't wanna do what you want me to do. It's an anti-authority thing. That's what I think it is. For me, I was like, don't tell me what to do.

• 18:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:18Andrew Santino?

  Someone's like, do this. Someone was like, fuck you.

• 18:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:20Andrew Santino?

  That's why team sports were hard. They were, it was hard for me.

• 18:25Speaker 06

  Really?

• 18:25Andrew Santino?

  I didn't like being bossed around unless it was someone I really believed in. Like I had a high school basketball coach who was a fucking asshole. He was a total asshole. And I couldn't stand the guy. And so like, I just, I hated that. Like a guy I didn't respect bossing me around.

• 18:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:41Andrew Santino?

  If I respect you, you could boss me around.

• 18:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:43Andrew Santino?

  You know?

• 18:43Speaker 06

  I get that.

• 18:44Andrew Santino?

  Tell me I'm a bad little boy.

• 18:47Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I just don't, I don't like the authority figures if I don't, if, if there's no sense of mutual respect. If you're just like a bully and a boss.

• 18:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:54Andrew Santino?

  Fuck that. I don't, I can't get on with that. That's why we become comics.

• 18:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 18:58Andrew Santino?

  You wanna be the master of your own universe.

• 19:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, mostly mine was like, I want attention. I was a middle child.

• 19:03Andrew Santino?

  Ah.

• 19:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, so I got forgotten a lot. I got lost. I got, you know, but then I acted out a ton. And my mom was a school teacher. So whenever I acted out, it was like a real disappointment.

• 19:12Andrew Santino?

  Did she teach at your school?

• 19:13Speaker 06

  No, no, thank God.

• 19:14Andrew Santino?

  That would've been so funny.

• 19:15Speaker 06

  I mean.

• 19:16Andrew Santino?

  Those kids, we had those kids. My buddy Adam, his, his mom was a teacher at the, a sub at the school, but she was rad. She didn't care, especially if she knew us.

• 19:22Speaker 06

  Oh, that's good.

• 19:23Andrew Santino?

  I'd be like, I'm miss, I'm gonna leave. And she's like, it's okay. She was the shit. She didn't care.

• 19:28Speaker 06

  That's great. My mom, she would beat me.

• 19:29Andrew Santino?

  Oh, she was legit.

• 19:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, if I got in trouble, it was like, if there was any reason for a parent teacher conference, and there were a few, she would come home and she wouldn't even like talk to me. She would just take a nap, you know? She would be like, this is too much. And then she'd fall asleep.

• 19:44Andrew Santino?

  Oh, wow.

• 19:44Speaker 06

  And then she'd come back and then my punishment would be had.

• 19:47Andrew Santino?

  Whatever she dreamt up?

• 19:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, pretty much.

• 19:49Andrew Santino?

  Got a little air for the dramatic, huh? She's like, I'm gonna sleep.

• 19:52Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 19:52Andrew Santino?

  When I wake.

• 19:53Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 19:54Andrew Santino?

  You'll get your punishment, Caitlin.

• 19:58Speaker 06

  It's so true.

• 19:58Andrew Santino?

  Yes, mother, I'll be scrubbing the floors until then.

• 20:01Speaker 06

  I'm literally sitting in the corner in the living room just waiting and she's sleeping in the front room. I'm like, it's gonna be bad.

• 20:08Andrew Santino?

  Andrew, I remember that, my dad, that was, Andrew! I'd be in the basement like, fuck.

• 20:13Speaker 06

  Mine was Caitlin!

• 20:14Andrew Santino?

  Caitlin!

• 20:15Speaker 06

  Yeah!

• 20:16Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's so good. And your, and his name is Mccone. That's not even a nice way to yell that.

• 20:20Speaker 06

  You can't yell that.

• 20:20Andrew Santino?

  Mccone! Sounds like an old Irish limerick. Mccone!

• 20:25Speaker 05

  I don't know if they said my full name. I heard Mccone Trevor Corkery.

• 20:29Andrew Santino?

  Trevor is, by the way-

• 20:30Speaker 06

  What's your last name?

• 20:30Andrew Santino?

  Corkery. The guy, the kid fell off, yeah.

• 20:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, you're just a walking limerick. That's crazy.

• 20:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 20:38Speaker 06

  McCorker, I've never even heard of that.

• 20:39Andrew Santino?

  His brother's name is Seamus.

• 20:41Speaker 06

  Oh my god!

• 20:41Speaker 05

  And the other one's Flanagan.

• 20:42Andrew Santino?

  Flanagan. These people didn't give up. They really want to keep that thing alive over there.

• 20:46Speaker 06

  They really kept it as a little fucking, what is that? See, maybe I wasn't the smart one.

• 20:51Andrew Santino?

  Let's take that test again.

• 20:52Speaker 06

  Incline graph, whatever.

• 20:54Andrew Santino?

  Go ahead.

• 20:55Speaker 06

  What is it?

• 20:55Andrew Santino?

  Like the bell curve?

• 20:56Speaker 06

  Yes! No, no, but it doesn't come back down again. It just goes up. What is that called?

• 21:02Andrew Santino?

  I don't know.

• 21:03Speaker 06

  Right? It's tough.

• 21:04Speaker 05

  You're like describing the opposite of a bell curve.

• 21:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, the opposite of a bell curve.

• 21:07Speaker 05

  You're doing like a valley.

• 21:08Speaker 06

  No, no, no. It's like when you start here and then it goes, an exponential graph.

• 21:11Andrew Santino?

  Exponential growth.

• 21:12Speaker 06

  Thank you!

• 21:13Andrew Santino?

  Graph growth.

• 21:13Speaker 06

  Graph growth.

• 21:14Andrew Santino?

  Growth graph. I've got a graph growth. I need to show you that after the show. It's right under here.

• 21:19Speaker 06

  Oh my gosh, we haven't even finished our whiskey.

• 21:22Andrew Santino?

  Alright, let's chug it. No, so you don't miss California? That really makes me sad a little bit, just because-

• 21:27Speaker 06

  I miss the people.

• 21:29Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 21:29Speaker 06

  I like the beach.

• 21:31Andrew Santino?

  The weather.

• 21:31Speaker 06

  The weather's fine. I like seasons. I like when things change and I get to change outfits and I think I'm too ADD for the same-

• 21:37Andrew Santino?

  Less clothes, the better for me.

• 21:39Speaker 06

  And also, you guys take too long. Everything takes too long.

• 21:41Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean?

• 21:42Speaker 06

  You guys chit chat. You guys are basically like Alabama down here. I go to a coffee shop every single time.

• 21:47Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 21:48Speaker 06

  It takes five fucking hours to get a fucking latte.

• 21:50Speaker 05

  Though, the Midwest, they take so much longer.

• 21:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, absolutely. New York, they got three people working. You say, I want this, it's done in three days. There's one person just doing the ice, one person just doing the shot, one person putting on a goddamn lid.

• 22:01Andrew Santino?

  But see-

• 22:02Speaker 06

  It's great.

• 22:02Andrew Santino?

  This is, this is the argument against, against New York.

• 22:06Speaker 06

  No, it's for.

• 22:06Andrew Santino?

  No, see, because everyone-

• 22:07Speaker 06

  I got things to do.

• 22:08Andrew Santino?

  Everyone in New York, it's like, hey, New York, it's the best city in the world. Yeah, no one gives a fuck about you. That's a stinky way to be. You walk into a coffee shop like, what do you want? Order or get the fuck out?

• 22:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:19Andrew Santino?

  I like, I go see this girl over here, hey, what's up? What's going on? How are you? Good. Um, she's like, looking for a sweet treat today? I'm like, yeah, you bet. I love that.

• 22:28Speaker 06

  I don't need that, alright?

• 22:29Andrew Santino?

  You want the fucking-

• 22:30Speaker 06

  I don't need that. I have places to be. I'm busy. I had to be here, okay? I was like, and there's traffic, the traffic. Suck my dick with the traffic.

• 22:37Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 22:37Speaker 06

  Everything takes forever.

• 22:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 22:39Speaker 06

  Okay? I looked up how to get here last night. I put in when I went arrive. It said it's either gonna take 22 minutes or an hour and 10.

• 22:45Andrew Santino?

  Where do you, where do you stay on the west side, near by the water?

• 22:46Speaker 06

  No, I was staying under Beverly Hills. Midtown, whatever that is.

• 22:50Andrew Santino?

  Don't go, yeah. But this is your fault for staying in the wrong place. How about that?

• 22:53Speaker 06

  It was 20 minutes to everything. It was pretty nice. But this one, I was like, how could it be 20 minutes or an hour and 10?

• 22:58Andrew Santino?

  It's on the way to the va-

• 22:59Speaker 06

  That's psychotic.

• 23:00Andrew Santino?

  There's the valley, baby. You're in, right, okay, for your explanation, from a, for a New Yorker-

• 23:04Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 23:05Andrew Santino?

  You currently are in, um, you're in Queens.

• 23:10Speaker 06

  Ugh.

• 23:11Andrew Santino?

  This is Queens.

• 23:11Speaker 06

  I hate Queens.

• 23:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. This is Queens. We love Queens.

• 23:14Speaker 06

  I don't like Queens.

• 23:14Andrew Santino?

  Uh, West Hollywood is, is, um, uh-

• 23:20Speaker 06

  Look at his racket.

• 23:21Andrew Santino?

  West Hollywood is kinda like-

• 23:22Speaker 05

  West Hollywood should be Queens.

• 23:24Andrew Santino?

  No, this is Queens and, and the east side is Brooklyn. Uh, oh, you say Queens because of the gays. Yeah, well, but that's-

• 23:30Speaker 06

  Oh, no, no, that's not where the Queens-

• 23:32Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 23:32Speaker 06

  That's Chelsea.

• 23:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 23:34Andrew Santino?

  But he's saying, he means the Queens because WeHo is where all the gays are. But for us, West Hollywood, from a, from a, like a area standpoint, WeHo would be like,

• 23:43Andrew Santino?

  you know, Gramercy.

• 23:45Speaker 06

  Okay, got it.

• 23:46Andrew Santino?

  Something like that.

• 23:47Speaker 06

  See, I wanted to stay in WeHo.

• 23:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:49Speaker 06

  Because it's kinda close to the store and I had a bunch of-

• 23:51Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 23:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, spots at the store. And, um, I picked an Airbnb that was in WeHo. And then it said, actually, the location is here. Is that okay? After I messaged.

• 24:02Andrew Santino?

  No, it's not okay. What the fuck?

• 24:04Speaker 05

  It's a different place.

• 24:05Speaker 06

  This place was a nightmare.

• 24:06Andrew Santino?

  You wanted blue. We got you green. Is that okay? No, what? That's such a weird thing that people, yeah.

• 24:12Speaker 06

  I, I've never wanted to do a scorched earth review before, but I think it might happen.

• 24:16Andrew Santino?

  Have you ever done that? You been that lady?

• 24:17Speaker 06

  I've never been that lady once in my life.

• 24:18Andrew Santino?

  I love that lady, though. I love reading them. They're so funny. I read one that was so funny the other night. We went to a restaurant that we didn't like.

• 24:25Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 24:26Andrew Santino?

  My wife and I were like, this is terrible. Then like a week later, it pops up on my TikTok and it got raided by Michelin. Not a Michelin star, but you can get in the Michelin guide or whatever as not a Michelin approved restaurant, you know, not, not a starred restaurant. And I was like, how? That place sucked. Am I crazy? She's like, I don't know. I look at the reviews. The first one was so funny. This lady, this lady wrote a fucking, a bible. I mean, literally, she was like, "We entered and we sat down next to the fireplace. Cute. Eight out of 10." She was rating-

• 24:57Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 24:57Andrew Santino?

  Moment by moment. She rated the bathroom. She was like, "They fed us bone broth, which was a nice, um, a nice aperitif, but, uh, didn't have any substance beyond that. And we waited yet again for another four minutes for drinks to come that we ordered at the bar. Six out of 10." So she went through every single piece and then the restaurant responded. And I was like, you can't negotiate with terrorists. What are you doing? You don't respond to that woman. That's crazy. You walk away. Hey, restaurant? Walk away.

• 25:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 25:25Andrew Santino?

  You can't do that. That woman who goes on the diatribe-

• 25:28Speaker 06

  No.

• 25:28Andrew Santino?

  You're never gonna beat her.

• 25:29Speaker 06

  No, you're never gonna beat her. She has-

• 25:31Andrew Santino?

  She's diabolical.

• 25:31Speaker 06

  She's also recorded everything. She has a journal. She's really, it's like, this is the only thing she has.

• 25:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, let her have it.

• 25:37Speaker 06

  See, I am so laid back that like, you can throw dirt on my face and be like, well, it, we just slipped, you know? And there could be bugs in the bed. I mean, like, it happens. Oh, New York.

• 25:47Andrew Santino?

  You're too nice.

• 25:48Speaker 06

  I'm too nice. But this was so, everything was like a tiny inconvenience and it all added up to the point where it made me late for everything.

• 25:56Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 25:57Speaker 06

  That I was like, I'm gonna have to scream at this man.

• 25:59Andrew Santino?

  You should.

• 25:59Speaker 06

  Everything, I mean, it made me, and then the thing is, I would say, hey, this isn't working. Like, the key fob to the elevator isn't working. And he'd be like, are you doing it right? You think I don't know how to use a fucking key fob?

• 26:10Andrew Santino?

  Are you doing it right?

• 26:11Speaker 06

  Are you doing it right? And then it was same with the parking garage. Um, he's like, are you sure? I had to take videos of myself doing the thing to prove to him that I know how to fucking use a key fob. And that's what pissed me off. It was like, you need to start believing women, okay? This is horrific. And so everything just took away, oh, sorry. And then he was like, the construction's not that bad. I literally opened my door and it's, my door is covered in plastic sheeting because they're painting the whole hallway.

• 26:37Andrew Santino?

  Oh no.

• 26:38Speaker 06

  I'm like, what do you mean it's not that bad? It lasted the whole time I was here. I had to leave a podcast because you were drilling into the fucking wall. Okay.

• 26:47Andrew Santino?

  Can I give you a suggestion?

• 26:48Speaker 06

  I'm gonna write, I've gotta write a review.

• 26:50Andrew Santino?

  Get a hotel next time.

• 26:50Speaker 06

  I gotta get a hotel, I know!

• 26:52Andrew Santino?

  Jesus Christ, the Airbnb.

• 26:53Speaker 06

  And he was like, get a hotel. And I was like, no, I want a kitchen. I like to cook my food. But then because I was late to everything, I couldn't, I had to buy my food, so I didn't save any money.

• 27:01Andrew Santino?

  Get a hotel, Peluffo! You fucking goof!

• 27:05Speaker 06

  This is what drives me crazy about getting a hotel in Los Angeles.

• 27:08Andrew Santino?

  Here we go.

• 27:08Speaker 06

  I swear to god!

• 27:09Andrew Santino?

  Here's some more bullshit about California, you know, like-

• 27:12Speaker 06

  You listen, you listen good, okay? It's every major city. I will say that. But you go to a hotel, you get a good rate, and then you have a car, and then they charge you $75 a night to park your car. And it drives me batshit crazy.

• 27:25Andrew Santino?

  Easy fix.

• 27:26Speaker 06

  Tell me.

• 27:27Andrew Santino?

  Don't rent a car.

• 27:29Speaker 06

  No, because then you're stranded.

• 27:30Andrew Santino?

  Nah, you can get an Uber.

• 27:31Speaker 06

  It takes 10 minutes to get every Uber and then, and then the threat of rape is everywhere.

• 27:37Speaker 06

  I don't know if you know this, but there's an epidemic going on about Uber's just raping bitches.

• 27:41Andrew Santino?

  Well, why don't you do Uber Women?

• 27:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, because that takes longer.

• 27:45Andrew Santino?

  You guys always take longer.

• 27:46Speaker 06

  Okay, that's enough.

• 27:49Andrew Santino?

  Go!

• 27:52Andrew Santino?

  Peluffo! What an exhausting Uber, too. You gotta chat the whole fucking time.

• 27:56Speaker 06

  I mean, I fucking hate it.

• 27:57Andrew Santino?

  Where you going? Where you coming from? Shut the fuck up! Give me an Armenian guy that's like, are you, who are you? Andrew? Yeah? Okay. In silence, no music. They're the best.

• 28:09Speaker 06

  The heaviest cologne you've ever smelled in your life.

• 28:11Andrew Santino?

  They're wearing all black.

• 28:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, thank god.

• 28:13Andrew Santino?

  I love the Armenian Uber drivers. They say not a fucking word to you. You want more there? No, no, I'm good on the air. Okay. Silence. Like, I woke up, I, I was going to go to Philly for the All-Star game and the home run derby. Uh, thanks, American, thanks, American Airlines.

• 28:29Speaker 06

  Why you gonna do it?

• 28:30Andrew Santino?

  I get up at 4:00 in the morning. I get up at 4:00 AM, because my flight's at 6:00 in order to make it, to get to the east coast to go to Philly to do it, because of the time change. It's a five hour flight, you lose three hours. And I had to work the night before, so I had to go the day of. If I get at 4:00 in the morning, everything's good. We did it, we shot that night. Everything's rad. I get some sleep. 4:00 AM, I'm in the Uber. Armenian guy, are you good? I'm good. Okay.

• 28:54Andrew Santino?

  I'm slowly nodding off on the way to the airport for a 6:00 AM flight and then bing, ding, ding, ding, ding. My phone is dinging. Thank god I left the ringer on, otherwise I would've got to LAX and not known. They, they changed my flight from 6:00 AM to 1:30 PM.

• 29:08Speaker 06

  No!

• 29:09Andrew Santino?

  It's not a real thing.

• 29:10Speaker 06

  That's not a real thing!

• 29:11Andrew Santino?

  So I go to the guy, I go, hey, man, I'm gonna go back home. I'm gonna, I'm not gonna, because I was looking at other flights, like, should I get on an 8 o'clock or 9 o'clock and still make it? And they were all sold out except for like, middle seat back of the plane. I'm like, five hours? Me no think so. Me no think so. So I was like, hey, man, we gotta go back. He's like, where, where? I was like, back to the house. He's like, okay, cancel trip, put in again, going back. I was like, okay, I do it. And then he's like, you don't want to go? I was like, no, they changed my flight. He's like, oh, okay. All the way back up to my house. Silence, not a word the whole time.

• 29:42Speaker 06

  You don't want to go?

• 29:43Andrew Santino?

  You don't want to go? No, no, it's not that, man. It's, yeah, man, I decided I didn't want to go.

• 29:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 29:48Andrew Santino?

  I packed a bag. I got up at 4:00.

• 29:50Speaker 06

  Yeah, I did the hard part already.

• 29:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah. You don't want to go? No, I don't. I actually decided that, uh-

• 29:57Speaker 06

  I'm gonna, you know what? I'm gonna choose my family. Turn around. I'm gonna stay with those kids.

• 30:02Andrew Santino?

  I'm not gonna see my second family in Philly. Now, I wanted to go to Philly so bad. I was so bummed out.

• 30:08Speaker 06

  That sucks!

• 30:08Andrew Santino?

  It happens. It is what this, uh, this is what I was talking about before the show.

• 30:12Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 30:12Andrew Santino?

  I've reserved life at this point now with stuff like that to go- Whatever, man.

• 30:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:18Andrew Santino?

  What the fuck? I was bummed.

• 30:20Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 30:21Andrew Santino?

  But who, okay. I think because we've had enough rejection as comics that like when shit doesn't go right, you're like, okay.

• 30:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:28Andrew Santino?

  Surprise, surprise.

• 30:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:31Andrew Santino?

  We get fucked over a lot. Like, big deal. It happens all the time.

• 30:35Speaker 06

  That's what, I have a theory that the celebrities who are comedians are the most humble of the celebrities because they still bomb.

• 30:42Andrew Santino?

  Oh, they still bomb?

• 30:42Speaker 06

  Everybody's still bombed.

• 30:43Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:44Speaker 06

  Like, you come to the Cellar and the big names, they're still bombing.

• 30:47Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah. I was gonna, I was about to say, it's so funny, I literally was about to be like, you know what, and I held my tongue.

• 30:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:52Andrew Santino?

  There's a few people that we see that I'm like, oof.

• 30:54Speaker 06

  Yeah. But you have to, that's part of the process.

• 30:56Andrew Santino?

  No, I love it.

• 30:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 30:58Andrew Santino?

  I love it. But only we really get to see that. Usually, like, the crowds that are there that night sometimes see it, but for the most part, America only sees...

• 31:05Speaker 06

  Only sees the success.

• 31:06Andrew Santino?

  What a special. You're like, you should've seen that joke six months ago, it was bad.

• 31:10Speaker 06

  It was rough. People left.

• 31:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, it is kinda crazy to think about that. We do get to see, yeah, it does keep you, if you stay in the game.

• 31:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:20Andrew Santino?

  It keeps you, um, yeah, it keeps you a little, like, beaten down.

• 31:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:26Andrew Santino?

  In a good way.

• 31:26Speaker 06

  There's always gonna be that little thing in the back of you like, oh, this could go badly.

• 31:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, and/or you suck before, before you get on. You suck, you suck. Even when something does go well and someone's like, congratulations, you're like, nah, I suck. Don't worry about it. I still suck shit.

• 31:40Andrew Santino?

  You know?

• 31:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's been my whole past two months.

• 31:44Andrew Santino?

  Like, when you put something out.

• 31:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 31:45Andrew Santino?

  You put out a special.

• 31:46Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:46Andrew Santino?

  And people are like, that's amazing, congrats.

• 31:48Speaker 06

  And I'm like, eh, it's only forty-two minutes, I suck.

• 31:51Andrew Santino?

  See you going down the list of the negatives. Why?

• 31:54Speaker 06

  Eh, it's just how, eh...

• 31:55Andrew Santino?

  I know, we're built sad.

• 31:56Speaker 06

  We're built that way.

• 31:57Andrew Santino?

  Well, get rid, we gotta get rid of this nonsense, dude. We gotta be like him, a happy-go-lucky idiot.

• 32:01Speaker 06

  What are you, just eating a strudel?

• 32:03Andrew Santino?

  He's just chewing on a pop tart, yeah.

• 32:04Speaker 06

  You're just eating on a strudel.

• 32:05Andrew Santino?

  He's an idiot, dude. He's a really stupid idiot.

• 32:08Speaker 06

  His little crocs are crossed at his butt. Oh, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo.

• 32:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's a child, he's wearing my socks.

• 32:14Speaker 06

  He's, those are your socks?

• 32:15Andrew Santino?

  He almost always is wearing clothes that I gave him.

• 32:17Speaker 06

  I was gonna say, you guys might be too close.

• 32:20Andrew Santino?

  Should we show her the thing that we do?

• 32:21Speaker 06

  What's the thing that you do?

• 32:22Andrew Santino?

  Well, don't worry about it.

• 32:23Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 32:24Andrew Santino?

  It's very close. No, we space dock. He's got a, uh, I put, put my weener in his weener. You know what space docking is?

• 32:32Speaker 06

  I heard of docking.

• 32:34Andrew Santino?

  Space dock.

• 32:35Speaker 06

  You guys call it space dock?

• 32:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, 'cause we do it with zero gravity.

• 32:38Speaker 06

  Oh, do you both have foreskins? Is that one?

• 32:40Andrew Santino?

  No, he does, I don't. Only one can have that for that to work.

• 32:42Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 32:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he wraps it over my... Yeah, we go to one of those zero-gravity things.

• 32:47Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 32:47Andrew Santino?

  And then we do that, so we're floating.

• 32:49Speaker 06

  Cool, fun.

• 32:51Andrew Santino?

  We get in one of those wind tunnels and we do a... Fucking, seeing if it works.

• 32:55Speaker 06

  His foreskin is like...

• 32:59Andrew Santino?

  I thought you said you didn't like pussy. What are you doing?

• 33:01Speaker 06

  I love a foreskin.

• 33:04Speaker 06

  I love a foreskin, I think they're great.

• 33:06Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you do?

• 33:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:07Andrew Santino?

  You're down for the four?

• 33:08Speaker 06

  I'm down for the four.

• 33:09Andrew Santino?

  Wow.

• 33:10Speaker 06

  Down for the four, down for not.

• 33:11Andrew Santino?

  The sleeve.

• 33:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've had a few foreskins and I've been like, yeah, what's the big deal?

• 33:15Andrew Santino?

  It's not a big deal.

• 33:16Speaker 06

  It's not a big deal.

• 33:16Andrew Santino?

  But a sleeveless weenie looks better than an anteater.

• 33:19Speaker 06

  Not really.

• 33:20Andrew Santino?

  When it's limp, yeah.

• 33:22Speaker 06

  Limp, sure.

• 33:23Andrew Santino?

  That's what I mean.

• 33:23Speaker 06

  But I think that's just, um, we're not used to it.

• 33:25Andrew Santino?

  It's aesthetics.

• 33:27Speaker 06

  Eh, I mean, I have a pussy. Pussies are crazy.

• 33:30Andrew Santino?

  They are crazy.

• 33:32Speaker 06

  So you see a foreskin and you're like, eh, does it not smell?

• 33:34Andrew Santino?

  Well, so, uh, Joe, put up a picture right now of her, of her vagina that she's gonna send to us later. Uh, just put it right here between us.

• 33:41Speaker 06

  Put it in.

• 33:42Andrew Santino?

  So what, you're in a panic attack mode 'cause your special for the last two months, you're like freaking out?

• 33:46Speaker 06

  Well, no, it's, uh, no, I did that funny AF show.

• 33:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 33:49Speaker 06

  And it went well. And so now, for the first time in my life, people are coming to see me.

• 33:54Andrew Santino?

  It's great.

• 33:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's great. And I'm, I'm like, but of course, I'm, people are like, hey, congrats, you're, you sold out. And I'm almost just like, it's not gonna last forever, this isn't...

• 34:04Andrew Santino?

  Stop doing that.

• 34:05Speaker 06

  You know, it's just a spiral, and it's like, there, I'm, I'm repeating three of the jokes from the show, 'cause I haven't been, finished the last hour, you know? So it's like, you know, it's just a spiral that you just...

• 34:15Andrew Santino?

  How about this?

• 34:15Speaker 06

  I don't deserve this, is basically what it is.

• 34:18Andrew Santino?

  It's not gonna last. Who fucking cares?

• 34:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's true.

• 34:22Andrew Santino?

  No one you know. Not one comic who we all see peak, or when people have a big, it's never gonna last.

• 34:29Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:29Andrew Santino?

  You're right. None of us deserve any of this.

• 34:31Speaker 06

  No.

• 34:31Andrew Santino?

  This is insane.

• 34:32Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:33Andrew Santino?

  But so what? Have, have fun.

• 34:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:35Andrew Santino?

  Fuck it.

• 34:35Speaker 06

  Have fun.

• 34:36Andrew Santino?

  Obviously, you rip enough where people are like, I need to see her.

• 34:39Speaker 06

  Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just got into it.

• 34:41Andrew Santino?

  Get that confidence true to roof.

• 34:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, I wish I...

• 34:43Andrew Santino?

  Caitlin, the shit, paloofo.

• 34:45Speaker 06

  Could you imagine? Caitlin smells like shit.

• 34:49Andrew Santino?

  See? You did it again! Where, are you touring right now? Where are you going up to the Bay to do shows?

• 34:54Speaker 06

  I'm going to Sacramento. I'm doing the Sacramento...

• 34:56Andrew Santino?

  Punch?

• 34:56Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:57Andrew Santino?

  Have you done it before?

• 34:58Speaker 06

  Never done it before.

• 34:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you're gonna have fun up there.

• 35:00Speaker 06

  I'm so excited.

• 35:01Andrew Santino?

  Sacramento.

• 35:02Speaker 06

  My whole family lives there, and it's the first time I've like, this is like the first big weekend I've sold out. And I'm like, I'm like, we added a show. We added two shows.

• 35:11Andrew Santino?

  Whoa!

• 35:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, I know, I know, crazy. But the second one we added is not selling well, so...

• 35:15Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't matter.

• 35:16Speaker 06

  It doesn't matter, I know. I should just leave it at that.

• 35:18Andrew Santino?

  Nobody cares.

• 35:18Speaker 06

  Oh my god, I was talking to the Sklar Brothers yesterday. I'll repeat this in my head forever.

• 35:22Andrew Santino?

  You were talking to both of them?

• 35:23Speaker 06

  Both of them.

• 35:23Andrew Santino?

  At the same time?

• 35:24Speaker 06

  At the same time.

• 35:24Andrew Santino?

  It's exhausting, isn't it? I love it.

• 35:28Speaker 06

  They're so great. But they were like, they said something to me, and it was about Sacramento, and my mom comes, she lives in the Bay, in that area. And so she comes to every show.

• 35:37Andrew Santino?

  Every show?

• 35:38Speaker 06

  Every show sits in the back. And I was like, I told her this time, because they're sold out, she can't come to every show.

• 35:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know.

• 35:43Speaker 06

  And so I was like, so I was like, yeah, my mom's coming to like, three, she's like, oh, three out of the five, and I was like, well, seven, but I mean, da-da-da, and I was like, I didn't need to say that, why did I say that? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I just spiraled, and I was like, it's not gonna last, everything sucks, I suck, blah, blah, blah. Just because of the show.

• 35:56Andrew Santino?

  You let the Sklar Brothers know. It's seven shows.

• 35:59Speaker 06

  I can't believe, I was like, did I just big dick the Sklar Brothers? I wanna kill myself.

• 36:03Andrew Santino?

  Come on, man, that's fun.

• 36:05Speaker 06

  Oh my god, I was like, I thought about it for three hours afterwards. I'm driving home like, what the fuck was that, Caitlin?

• 36:11Andrew Santino?

  They didn't remember.

• 36:12Speaker 06

  No, they're not thinking about it at all. They can't even remember my name.

• 36:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Katie, what was her name?

• 36:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 36:18Andrew Santino?

  Katya?

• 36:18Speaker 06

  The loud one with the hair.

• 36:19Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Katie Puffy Puss, what was her name?

• 36:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't know. We met her in Austin, I don't know.

• 36:23Andrew Santino?

  No, but I'm telling you, that's, uh, they'll never remember, but that's rad. Let them know. The Sklar Brothers need to know when you hit seven shows.

• 36:30Speaker 06

  They don't need to know. I was just like, you know when you like, grow up watching people?

• 36:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 36:35Speaker 06

  Like, I always knew of the Sklar Brothers before I started comedy.

• 36:38Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 36:38Speaker 06

  And there's like certain people like that where I just get tongue-tied and I just make an ass of myself.

• 36:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, so what?

• 36:44Speaker 06

  Laurie Kilmartin's another one that I just got...

• 36:46Andrew Santino?

  That one I, yeah. She's pretty great.

• 36:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, Gloria Bamford, I just, whenever they're around, I'm just like... I just, Christian Finnegan? Because I watched, you know, all those talking head shows.

• 36:58Andrew Santino?

  All those talking head shows.

• 36:59Speaker 06

  Still, to this, I've seen him so many times. I know about his, like, family.

• 37:03Andrew Santino?

  Like, do, have you seen his act?

• 37:05Speaker 06

  I've seen his act, but I'm in green rooms and I've talked to him and we hung out, and I still get, oh, hi, Christian, you know? It's crazy.

• 37:12Andrew Santino?

  You know, you're probably selling more tickets than he is.

• 37:14Speaker 06

  Stop it.

• 37:15Andrew Santino?

  Isn't that crazy?

• 37:15Speaker 06

  Don't say that into my microphone, what are you doing? It's all gonna go away tomorrow. You're gonna make me say something wild on this pod.

• 37:20Andrew Santino?

  Look at this ascension you're on. You're bigger than Christian Finnegan.

• 37:23Speaker 06

  Stop it. No one's bigger than Christian Finnegan. He's a goddamn hero.

• 37:28Andrew Santino?

  No, but, but again, it goes up, it goes down.

• 37:30Speaker 06

  It goes up, it goes down.

• 37:31Andrew Santino?

  So what?

• 37:32Speaker 06

  So I'm just...

• 37:32Andrew Santino?

  Doesn't fucking matter.

• 37:33Speaker 06

  I was raised to always prepare for the down.

• 37:35Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, prepare for the worst.

• 37:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 37:36Andrew Santino?

  That's an Irish Catholic guilt thing that we grew up with in spades, was like, it's gonna get bad, you know that, right?

• 37:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 37:42Andrew Santino?

  And you're like, but it's so good, and they're like, don't.

• 37:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:45Andrew Santino?

  Look, get happy, okay?

• 37:45Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 37:46Andrew Santino?

  Stay low. And if anything's wrong, don't tell anybody.

• 37:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, bury it.

• 37:50Andrew Santino?

  Shove it down.

• 37:51Speaker 06

  Drink.

• 37:51Andrew Santino?

  Take it out in the backyard. Go yell at the trees for a little while, come back inside.

• 37:55Speaker 06

  Yeah. Or, or work out.

• 37:58Andrew Santino?

  Or work out.

• 37:58Speaker 06

  Start measuring your chicken, Caitlin.

• 38:02Speaker 06

  That's what I do.

• 38:03Andrew Santino?

  You meal prep?

• 38:04Speaker 06

  I meal prep.

• 38:05Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Caitlin, what are we talking about?

• 38:06Speaker 06

  What are we, I'm, I got hot, it's great. Don't let these baggy clothes fool you.

• 38:12Andrew Santino?

  No, no, we know.

• 38:13Speaker 06

  I'm a slow burn.

• 38:15Andrew Santino?

  Joe, put up a picture of Caitlin in a bikini right now for everyone to see.

• 38:18Speaker 06

  There was a podcast that actually did that. I was the only woman in the room, five men, two male producers, and the first thing they brought up a picture of was me in a bikini. And I was like, what are we doing?

• 38:29Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 38:30Speaker 06

  And then one of the producers was like, we finally get a woman on this show.

• 38:34Andrew Santino?

  And you fuck it up like that?

• 38:35Speaker 06

  And you fuck it up like that. It wasn't on purpose, he was trying to be funny and look up feet pics. Which is also not great, but...

• 38:42Andrew Santino?

  Nah, I think, I think you're, this is getting worse.

• 38:44Speaker 06

  But he was looking up, like, the first person was Joe List, he looked up Joe List's feet pic.

• 38:48Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 38:49Speaker 06

  And then I was sitting next to him. I can't imagine any male feet are good.

• 38:53Andrew Santino?

  I got nice feet.

• 38:54Speaker 06

  I don't think so.

• 38:55Andrew Santino?

  I'm telling you, I do.

• 38:57Speaker 06

  Show them. Let's see these tutsies. Wow, do you, wow, nice socks, by the way.

• 39:01Andrew Santino?

  I got a nice foot.

• 39:03Speaker 06

  Caitlin, okay, alright, hold on, hold on, I gotta prepare myself.

• 39:07Speaker 00

  Let's be honest, you don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer to whip up new traditions. 'Tis your season to mix it up.

• 39:21Speaker 06

  I mean, you got a pointy little cleft thing.

• 39:24Andrew Santino?

  What's that? My bunion?

• 39:26Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 39:26Andrew Santino?

  That's from sports.

• 39:28Speaker 06

  You can't say, "I have a bunion and I got nice feet." That doesn't-

• 39:31Andrew Santino?

  Witness is a nice foot!

• 39:34Andrew Santino?

  You don't have a bunion? You soccer player? You better have a fucking bunion.

• 39:39Speaker 06

  I don't have a bunion.

• 39:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you do.

• 39:40Speaker 06

  Women get that fixed immediately.

• 39:42Andrew Santino?

  Why? Who cares? It's just a piece of your toe bone.

• 39:44Speaker 06

  We're talking apples and oranges here, buddy, okay? I am a female, you are a male, we have different life expectancies.

• 39:51Andrew Santino?

  I know. You keep staring into Airbnbs and you're gonna be fucking gone before anybody. You hear about Peluffo? She died in Airbnb. Yeah, no shit. Rent a hotel, Peluffo.

• 40:01Speaker 06

  Well, I thought I was gonna-

• 40:01Andrew Santino?

  You're selling seven shows at the fucking Punchline and she's staying at Mike's apartment. Some dickhead from Airbnb who won't fix the fucking fob key who thinks you're a woman and you don't know how to use it. Get a fucking hotel, will ya?

• 40:15Speaker 06

  I was born poor, I'm gonna die poor.

• 40:17Andrew Santino?

  You didn't save any money in the Airbnb, by the way. It always comes out to be the same as a hotel.

• 40:21Speaker 06

  I know.

• 40:21Andrew Santino?

  That's the funniest part. You rent these fucking things and you're like, service fee, cleaning fee, checkout, all this bullshit and I'm like, "Wait a minute, this is the same as a hotel." It's the exact same.

• 40:29Speaker 06

  Literally, the most inconvenient stay I've ever had and he was like, "I'll take seventy-five dollars off." And I was like, "You can suck my dick."

• 40:35Andrew Santino?

  Seventy-five dollars?

• 40:36Speaker 06

  Seventy-five dollars.

• 40:36Andrew Santino?

  Thanks, brother.

• 40:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was like, "Thanks. Also, here's a list of everything that's wrong with your fucking place." And I put it in a message. I didn't put it in a review yet. We'll see how he responds.

• 40:46Andrew Santino?

  Let me say this.

• 40:47Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 40:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, stay humble, stay grounded. Spoil yourself a little bit.

• 40:52Speaker 06

  I mean, I bought this jersey. Urban Outfitters. I would never have bought this jersey.

• 40:57Andrew Santino?

  This is a spoil me thing?

• 40:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, this is a spoil me thing.

• 40:59Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 41:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, it costs like sixty bucks.

• 41:02Andrew Santino?

  Seven shows. You're gonna be okay. Seven's a fuck one.

• 41:06Speaker 06

  I don't know, I'm smiling.

• 41:07Andrew Santino?

  If you sold out one, I'd be like, "Hey, get a nice hotel." You sold out seven, lady? Buy a fucking hotel.

• 41:12Speaker 06

  I sold out six. The last one's really struggling.

• 41:15Andrew Santino?

  You know what? I hope to God it sells out just to- and I'm gonna text you and I'm gonna be like, "Hey, hey, what's this about, fuckhead?" Huh? Little sold out, little sold out sev?

• 41:24Speaker 06

  Man, this is why you guys do whiskey. Man, I'm feeling warm.

• 41:27Andrew Santino?

  It feels great. Doesn't it feel nice?

• 41:29Speaker 06

  I'm screaming about fucking Sacramento and Christian Finnegan.

• 41:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 41:33Speaker 06

  I feel crazy.

• 41:34Andrew Santino?

  By the way, I never- him and I don't really know each other. I feel bad even joking about it. Now the guy's gonna be like, "Hey, man, what was all that shit on the show?" He's like, "No, we're just kidding."

• 41:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, no. He should know I do love him. Like, he's also so funny.

• 41:45Andrew Santino?

  I don't know him. I mean, I don't- I know who he is, I don't- we don't know each other.

• 41:48Speaker 06

  If you watch him live, you're like, "This guy's still- he's got it."

• 41:51Andrew Santino?

  Phenomenal.

• 41:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:51Andrew Santino?

  You think he's underrated?

• 41:53Speaker 06

  Underrated, yeah, for sure. He's so funny.

• 41:55Andrew Santino?

  Who's overrated?

• 41:56Speaker 06

  I'll never say that. Are you kidding? Give me two more of those.

• 42:00Andrew Santino?

  I was just gonna say, I'll fill that up again.

• 42:01Speaker 06

  I'll crash into a side of a building and then I'll let you know. Yeah.

• 42:05Andrew Santino?

  No, but the funny AF, by the way.

• 42:07Speaker 06

  Yeah. Did you watch it?

• 42:09Andrew Santino?

  No.

• 42:09Speaker 06

  Me neither.

• 42:10Andrew Santino?

  Can't lie to ya.

• 42:11Speaker 06

  Please don't.

• 42:12Andrew Santino?

  No, you know what it is?

• 42:15Andrew Santino?

  Well, he knows. I don't really watch much anymore.

• 42:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:19Andrew Santino?

  It gives me anxiety.

• 42:19Speaker 06

  Watching comedy is-

• 42:20Andrew Santino?

  Gives me crazy anxiety.

• 42:21Speaker 06

  Really rough.

• 42:22Andrew Santino?

  I can't do it. Although I did see, um,

• 42:28Andrew Santino?

  I did see, uh, there was a clip that went viral of Mike Turner talking about he had a bad set.

• 42:33Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 42:34Andrew Santino?

  And he kinda did a public thing about it, and so I watched that piece of it.

• 42:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:38Andrew Santino?

  You know, just to like-

• 42:38Speaker 06

  He handled it like a champ.

• 42:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, man, he actually did a great job, I think. And it's so funny, it did make me mad because I was like, "Man, they cut this so obviously to be worse than it probably was." Like, they edit the fuck out of these things for good, for better, for worse. I was like, "I- you knew they built it up in a way where they're like, 'We'll make it look a little bit worse than it actually was.'" Which sucks, because they also make things look better than they actually were.

• 43:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:01Andrew Santino?

  You know, you've been- I've been to some fucking tapings over the years where I'm like, "That was not that good and they made that look real fucking-" Sweeten it up!

• 43:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, like, I- we- you know, as many times as I've done like stupid small filming stuff and you saw people struggle and the producers were like, "We'll take care- it's okay."

• 43:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 43:17Andrew Santino?

  "We'll make it." You know, and they're having panic attacks and they're like, "Did I bomb?" And all the comics are like, "You didn't bomb, dude, it's fine." But everyone at coffee is like, "Fucking, she bombed. That was really bad."

• 43:27Speaker 06

  They were really rough. I did, boy. Yeah. I will say this about the show.

• 43:34Speaker 06

  Halfway, because they filmed it so sporadically, like they did the first ones and then we had like six months off. Then they shot the next two. And then they had like two weeks off and then we did the last two or whatever, or last three or whatever. And, um, there was the- when we were filming the roast, um, there's a roast episode with Marshall.

• 43:52Andrew Santino?

  I did hear about that, yeah.

• 43:54Speaker 06

  We were filming that and we were all like, "Oh my god, they're gonna make us look bad." And then the Mike Turner thing came out. And we saw that. And then one of the girls was like, um, she was like, "No, that really happened." And we were like, "Oh, fuck."

• 44:05Andrew Santino?

  Fuck.

• 44:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, I was like, "No, that was pretty- he had a rough one." And I was like, "Okay." Uh, and then Netflix put out like a clip of him being like bombing in front of Kevin Hart. And they put it out on social media.

• 44:16Andrew Santino?

  They wrote that?

• 44:17Speaker 06

  Netflix did. And then, um-

• 44:19Andrew Santino?

  It's crazy, dude.

• 44:20Speaker 06

  And then, uh, Winston showed the head- maybe not the producer, but the showrunner, Bill Dixon, he's awesome.

• 44:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 44:27Speaker 06

  Showed him that happened and he was like, "Hold on." And he made a call and they took it all down.

• 44:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 44:31Speaker 06

  They took it away. And I was like, "Okay, they don't want us to look bad, bad."

• 44:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's fucking- that's very not chill.

• 44:36Speaker 06

  So I was like, "Oh, they're- they want us to succeed. Okay, this is great."

• 44:40Andrew Santino?

  That was a twenty-four-year-old intern and they were like, "Dude, do headlines for these clips."

• 44:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:44Andrew Santino?

  "We have these kids. They work with us." And they're like, "They'll put together a clip and they're like, 'Smellyest fart in the room.'" And you're like, "What are you doing? Don't do that." "What the fuck is that?"

• 44:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:54Andrew Santino?

  "You're fired. Why did you do that?"

• 44:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:55Andrew Santino?

  "What? It's so funny?"

• 44:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 44:57Andrew Santino?

  And that- then you- we got in a little thing the other day where I go, "Look, dude, I know you went to film school and you're a sweet little prince." He's my son, he is. He's been with me. I met him when he was twenty, well, three, twenty-two.

• 45:10Speaker 05

  Twenty-three.

• 45:11Andrew Santino?

  Twenty-three?

• 45:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:12Andrew Santino?

  He's my little prince, my little son.

• 45:13Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 45:14Andrew Santino?

  My little baby boy. I've gotten- I've cradled him.

• 45:16Speaker 06

  You breastfeed him.

• 45:17Andrew Santino?

  I did, actually. He sucked on my teeth for a while, but-

• 45:19Speaker 06

  I hate that.

• 45:19Andrew Santino?

  But-

• 45:20Speaker 06

  That's too close.

• 45:21Andrew Santino?

  Really? We would switch tits. I wanted to keep him even.

• 45:25Speaker 06

  Oh, good.

• 45:26Andrew Santino?

  But he- but I told him, I said, "Dude, I know you- I know you really are a cinephile and you love the film world and you know more than me about a camera."

• 45:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:35Andrew Santino?

  But I was like, "But I know more than you do about a lot of stuff because I've done this for twenty fucking years." So there's some things that are like irrefutable of like the knowledge that you gained from- And I'm reminded of it when stuff like that happens, when someone young is like, "This is great, I'm gonna make this a clickb-." And you're like, "Dude, don't do that."

• 45:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:49Andrew Santino?

  That's not how this should be.

• 45:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 45:51Andrew Santino?

  It's never gonna be good in the long run for anybody and- And I'm sure someone at their computer, some young Netflix kid intern was like, "They're gonna think I'm the king for this."

• 46:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Bill was like, "Absolutely not. We're not doing this to comics."

• 46:04Andrew Santino?

  You don't wanna do that. Well, it's not worth it.

• 46:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 46:06Andrew Santino?

  And he did handle it well. Shout out to Mike Turner for doing a great job of being like, "Yeah, fuck it, I ate shit, so what? Move on."

• 46:11Speaker 06

  It truly does happen.

• 46:12Andrew Santino?

  I do love that he did that and thank god he- he came forward like before it, before people could attack him, that he was like, "Yeah, dude, fuck you."

• 46:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 46:20Andrew Santino?

  You know how many comics eat shit? All of us.

• 46:22Speaker 06

  Every single one.

• 46:23Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 46:23Speaker 06

  Even Kevin Hart has eaten shit before. We all eat shit.

• 46:26Andrew Santino?

  Hey, man. Kevin Hart's eaten a lot of shit. Talking to you, Kev.

• 46:29Speaker 06

  Don't you dare. That man changed my life. I love you, Kevin, all right?

• 46:32Andrew Santino?

  Fuck you, Kevin!

• 46:33Speaker 06

  You haven't- you haven't eaten shit in a long time and I think you're perfect. I think you're amazing. I love you.

• 46:39Andrew Santino?

  Kevin, fuck you, Kevin.

• 46:40Speaker 06

  No, he changed my life. He changed my life. I love him so much.

• 46:42Andrew Santino?

  I do, too.

• 46:43Speaker 06

  I'll do anything you want.

• 46:44Andrew Santino?

  See, it's so funny. I love Kevin.

• 46:45Speaker 06

  I don't think he knows my name. I love him.

• 46:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. I love Kevin, that's why I'm telling him to go fuck himself.

• 46:48Speaker 06

  Really? You guys are buds? Well, Philly.

• 46:51Andrew Santino?

  Who's- who's Kevin friends with? I don't know. No.

• 46:56Speaker 06

  Me, now. I'll do anything you want.

• 46:57Andrew Santino?

  No, he's a good egg. I do like Kev. But you have to give people shit.

• 47:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, of course.

• 47:01Andrew Santino?

  Like, holy fuck. Like, we ran into each other in the hotel when we were in, uh, we were in Minneapolis, we were in Minneapolis. And I was like, "How many fucking guys are you bringing with you on the road?" Like, he's got like nine people that open with him. I'm like, "This is crazy, dude. That's like such-" I was like, "What do you do, six minutes?" He's like, "Come on, man, get the fuck out of my- this mother-" I'm like, "Seriously, though, you have that, but like, how many people open for you? Two? You do host and feature. That's it."

• 47:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's it.

• 47:26Andrew Santino?

  Like, whenever people do that, I'm always amazed. People have like five people before them. I'm like, "That's nuts."

• 47:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:31Andrew Santino?

  I wanna get up there.

• 47:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:32Andrew Santino?

  It's not even like, uh, I just wanna make sure the crowd isn't over it by the time you get on.

• 47:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:38Andrew Santino?

  Where they're like, "Yeah, they paid to see you." And like, "I know, but they just sat through two hours of other comedians."

• 47:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:43Andrew Santino?

  That's in any fashion, you'd be like, "I'm a little tired." Like, you sometimes, at the cellar or late nights at the store, they're excited to see you, but they're also like, "All right, we already saw a lot of comedy." You know, like-

• 47:55Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah. I've done the last spot on, uh, we call it the Boneyard. The Boneyard, it's like the 1am show that starts Friday and Saturday nights.

• 48:04Andrew Santino?

  Where's that at?

• 48:05Speaker 06

  That's in the Fat Black Lounge.

• 48:07Andrew Santino?

  That's called the Boneyard?

• 48:08Speaker 06

  We call it the Boneyard.

• 48:09Andrew Santino?

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:10Speaker 06

  The Boneyard. Me and Nathan McIntosh are just, "Oh, oh, oh, the Boneyard."

• 48:14Andrew Santino?

  Boneyard dogs?

• 48:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's what we are. Me, him, Brendan Sagalow.

• 48:19Andrew Santino?

  I love that guy.

• 48:20Speaker 06

  We're always in the Boneyard. That's where we live and die.

• 48:22Andrew Santino?

  So you're getting the, uh, it's just the last spots of the night?

• 48:25Speaker 06

  Last spots of the night. You're off at 3am.

• 48:27Andrew Santino?

  The Don Barris, that's what it is in the store. It's the Barris night.

• 48:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 48:31Andrew Santino?

  It's like 1:30 or something, I don't know.

• 48:32Speaker 06

  And they're just nodding off.

• 48:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 48:34Speaker 06

  They're hammered, they're stoned, they're just in there. And then there's a few people who are like really excited, they couldn't get tickets anywhere else. And so they're like, "We waited and we finally got it." And it's like, "You guys are getting the weirdest show."

• 48:46Andrew Santino?

  It's a good show. Sometimes those are the best, man.

• 48:48Speaker 06

  They're the best. They're the best because they're good comics, because we all know how to handle the drunk idiot, you know?

• 48:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're there for a reason.

• 48:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, exactly.

• 48:55Andrew Santino?

  They're like, "They can handle this bullshit."

• 48:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you still have to handle the bullshit. And they're like, "Why is that person just screaming in the corner?" And like, the servers are over it. They're like, "This is my fifth show today, I'm so tired." It's like, "I get it." We're all just trying to pummel through this fucking hour and a half.

• 49:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, let's get through these- the last four people that are in the- the OR has that, back in the day when we do the OR at the store. And if you got like a 12:45, which translated to like 1:20 something or whatever.

• 49:25Andrew Santino?

  Fuck, man. You were like four people and one of them is like staring away because he just got broken up with and he's just been there all night. You know, and then there's a couple that's making out.

• 49:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 49:33Andrew Santino?

  It's not even- literally, they're either there because they're- they're- they're like having relations behind someone's back, so they're sneaking away. You know what I mean?

• 49:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:42Andrew Santino?

  Like, they're just making out in the- you're like, "You guys could leave and kiss anywhere else. Why are you doing that here?" Or they're just so plastered they don't know the difference. And then there's always like one foreign guy, one sweet, sweet guy. Some dude that's just smiling and he's from another- he doesn't- he can't understand a word you're saying.

• 49:57Speaker 06

  He was- he just looked up top ten things to do in New York City and then he's like, "I go to comedy's hell."

• 50:02Andrew Santino?

  "Me go to New York and be at the show."

• 50:06Andrew Santino?

  You wanna come to the comedy cell? You wanna come to the comedy cell? Yes, for comedy? You're like, oh, fuck.

• 50:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:11Andrew Santino?

  Put him in the front. Yeah, those guys. Put him in the front row.

• 50:14Speaker 06

  Oh, my god, that makes... During the World Cup? It's a, it was, it's just been me talking to fucking Norwegian people.

• 50:20Andrew Santino?

  Yes.

• 50:21Speaker 06

  Being like, wow, do you go, oh, you guys rowing? Okay?

• 50:25Andrew Santino?

  Get that clip.

• 50:26Speaker 06

  Get that clip.

• 50:27Andrew Santino?

  Put it up on the internet.

• 50:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 50:28Andrew Santino?

  What, Ron Taylor won, yeah? On this funny app?

• 50:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ron Taylor.

• 50:31Andrew Santino?

  No, he's a good egg. He's a good egg.

• 50:32Speaker 06

  He's the best.

• 50:33Andrew Santino?

  But see, it doesn't matter who won, cuz look, you're killing it anyway off of that show.

• 50:36Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, I'm thrilled. I'm, I went into it being like, there's no way I'm gonna win. Just because competitions.

• 50:41Andrew Santino?

  Why?

• 50:42Speaker 06

  Well, um, I've done so many competitions, I've come in second, I think a million times. And, uh, you can't control the outcome. That's what I mean. Like, if you go into it with the mentality of like, I only want to get as many followers as I can. Like, I want my people to find me.

• 50:57Andrew Santino?

  Get some fans, yeah.

• 50:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, I want people to find me who are gonna fuck with me. Um, cuz I have no control over, cuz I knew it was a live voting. It's like, you have no control.

• 51:06Andrew Santino?

  That's a little weird.

• 51:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, um, it worked out great.

• 51:10Andrew Santino?

  Look at her, don't wanna criticize.

• 51:12Speaker 06

  Truly...

• 51:12Andrew Santino?

  It is a little weird.

• 51:13Speaker 06

  When I go, going into it, I was like, reality TV, it's gonna be like Last Comic Standing.

• 51:19Andrew Santino?

  No, they didn't, they didn't make it like that.

• 51:21Speaker 06

  No, it was so nice, and so, I really don't wanna criticize it because I'm so grateful.

• 51:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, good.

• 51:27Speaker 06

  They were really nice, they didn't make, you know, they could, they were, I'm sure I said some wild shit. And they were just...

• 51:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, we have it, cut, now roll the tape.

• 51:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Like, I'm, I'm sure...

• 51:35Andrew Santino?

  Three minutes of the N-word to Kevin at Crafty, you're like, Jesus Christ, Plufa, what the fuck? I mean...

• 51:41Speaker 06

  He's took a turn.

• 51:42Andrew Santino?

  We all knew, but my god, dude.

• 51:45Speaker 06

  But it was, um, so it was such a positive experience, and I had so much anxiety about it. And they really made us feel...

• 51:52Andrew Santino?

  That's awesome.

• 51:53Speaker 06

  Quite, they were quite kind to us, knowing that, like, the other people who went live, like, truly live on Netflix, the other person who did it was Chris Rock. And then now it's these fucking six open micers, basically, comparison to Chris Rock.

• 52:07Andrew Santino?

  Not open micers.

• 52:08Speaker 06

  No, of course not. Like, thank god I had done Late Night before, cuz you get that pressure.

• 52:13Andrew Santino?

  You were used to it.

• 52:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, that kind of like, fuck, you get one top, one take.

• 52:17Andrew Santino?

  Stand right there, alright, three, two, I hate that.

• 52:20Speaker 06

  Be funny. It's like, fuck.

• 52:22Andrew Santino?

  They open the curtain and you're like...

• 52:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:23Andrew Santino?

  Hello? It's so uncomfortable.

• 52:27Speaker 06

  It's the worst.

• 52:28Andrew Santino?

  It's like nothing you've ever done. Yeah, and because you're so not you, you're not what you do at a club, you're completely the opposite.

• 52:34Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:34Andrew Santino?

  It's like you're very like, die!

• 52:38Speaker 06

  Pause for laughter. Do not acknowledge room.

• 52:42Andrew Santino?

  I hate, I, that stuff, I hated doing it.

• 52:44Speaker 06

  Don't think that there's a camera right here.

• 52:46Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 52:46Speaker 06

  It's, it, but, so they, they were very patient and very kind with us, so I am very grateful.

• 52:50Andrew Santino?

  Well, you're, and then, so now you're on an arena tour, so guys, go to CaitlinPlufa.com and check out all the arenas.

• 52:56Speaker 06

  No, there's no arenas.

• 52:58Andrew Santino?

  I kinda wanna do an arena tour and, and sell just the amount of tickets I usually sell. Isn't that funny? Like, just the floor.

• 53:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:07Andrew Santino?

  I think it'd be kinda funny to do, I mean, I'd lose a shitload of money.

• 53:11Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 53:11Andrew Santino?

  But how fun is that?

• 53:12Speaker 06

  It would be so fun.

• 53:13Andrew Santino?

  And like, tape it for Netflix and have the cameras like swooping over to all the empty seats.

• 53:16Speaker 06

  Yeah. Have them with the, the, the, the plastic over the seats.

• 53:21Andrew Santino?

  Or do the, do the fake bodies that they put during COVID. Remember during COVID, like, the NBA Cup, they'd put, they put all these like fake, uh, uh, cardboard cutouts of people, I was like, that's so funny.

• 53:31Speaker 05

  And the crowd laughing shots are just the cardboard cutouts that aren't moving.

• 53:34Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's so weird. You hear laughs and you just see... A guy with a pop, with a bucket of popcorn.

• 53:41Speaker 06

  Oh, my god.

• 53:41Andrew Santino?

  Actually, you just gave me a great idea, next special, I'm gonna tape all cardboard cutouts and then cook in the laughs.

• 53:45Speaker 06

  Yes!

• 53:46Andrew Santino?

  And cook in the laughs where, and cook in the laughs at places that it doesn't belong, like, I get upset. I get heckled from a cardboard cutout, but it's just me on the other side.

• 53:53Speaker 06

  He's holding the popcorn, he's throwing it. Oh, that's funny, he's throwing it.

• 53:56Andrew Santino?

  Honestly, I'm in. Also, I do think we should bring back fruit to, rotten fruit to comedy clubs to throw at comedians when that's not funny.

• 54:02Speaker 06

  Was that ever a real thing?

• 54:03Andrew Santino?

  I'm sure, in the vaudeville days, I bet you it definitely was, yeah, they brought, the cabbage, I think it was cabbage you used to throw.

• 54:08Speaker 05

  Or a tomato, rotten, rotten tomatoes.

• 54:10Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, rotten tomatoes, but I think that was plays and performances, less so than stand-up comedy. But comics, yeah, but we deserve fruit, fruit thrown at us.

• 54:19Speaker 06

  We deserve fruit. Some of these, some, you've watched some of these comics.

• 54:22Andrew Santino?

  Give my people some fruit.

• 54:24Speaker 05

  Yes, throwing tomatoes at a bad stage performance was very real in historical practice. It peaked in the 19th century America, historically, crowds were much rowdier and audience participation was highly active. While Shakespearean audiences...

• 54:36Andrew Santino?

  With crowd work, cuz we're going right back to it.

• 54:38Speaker 05

  Shakespearean audiences threw oyster shells, dried figs, and cabbage.

• 54:41Speaker 06

  Oyster shells, that could hurt you.

• 54:42Andrew Santino?

  Cabbage, I knew it was cabbage back in the day, cuz that's funny.

• 54:44Speaker 05

  But then the 1800s audience in the US and Europe began throwing, using tomatoes as projectiles, they were cheap, widely available, and made for a messy splat without causing severe lethal injury. Disgruntled crowds routinely pelted bad actors, musicians, and comedians. For instance, a documented case in New York in 1883 saw an acrobat literally forced off the stage by a hail of rotten tomatoes.

• 55:01Andrew Santino?

  So great.

• 55:02Speaker 06

  Oh, my god.

• 55:03Andrew Santino?

  Now, that's awesome, that's the kinda stuff I live for. By the way, if comedians are gonna keep doing crowd work at the degree that they're doing, which is engaging the audience, I think they should be able to throw something. If you just do an act?

• 55:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 55:12Andrew Santino?

  No tomatoes.

• 55:13Speaker 06

  No tomatoes.

• 55:14Andrew Santino?

  As soon as you do crowd work and it doesn't go well, tomato that guy. I think they should hand it out to cellar, if you wanna, there's a drink special where it's like, a beer and a tomato.

• 55:23Speaker 06

  As soon as someone says, you guys fucking? Fucking, throw him!

• 55:26Andrew Santino?

  How long you been fucking this guy, hook it? I don't mind the crowd work, I just think if you're engaging the audience, you're, that's what you're gonna get sometimes, you're gonna get rude. My biggest pet peeve is when people do crowd work and then they're like annoyed that people are annoying, and you're like, what did you think?

• 55:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you asked them a question.

• 55:42Andrew Santino?

  What did you think was gonna happen?

• 55:44Speaker 06

  They didn't give you the exact answer you wanted?

• 55:46Andrew Santino?

  Right, dude, you let the blind guy drive the car, it's like, yeah, you might crash, I mean, it might be awesome, you might make it home, but also, don't ask him if you don't wanna know. I always hate that, when they're like, what's this guy's fucking problem? It's like, well, he probably didn't wanna talk to you, he wanted you to probably do jokes and then go home. You know what I mean? And try to fuck his date who doesn't really like him.

• 56:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:03Andrew Santino?

  It's like...

• 56:04Speaker 06

  He was hoping that you would make her laugh, so that you would wanna talk to you.

• 56:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Easy money.

• 56:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, instead you were like, why you fucking look like an idiot?

• 56:11Andrew Santino?

  This guy probably is a small cock.

• 56:13Speaker 06

  And he's like, don't tell her that!

• 56:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. She'll find that out on her own, thank you! So how many, on, on this tour that you're doing, when, after you go up north? Oh, that's the other thing I wanna ask you, mom's coming to all the shows, you like when the family comes to shows?

• 56:26Speaker 06

  No.

• 56:27Andrew Santino?

  Don't you tell, tell them not to?

• 56:28Speaker 06

  Well, it's...

• 56:30Andrew Santino?

  Just go, you don't get to come, no.

• 56:31Speaker 06

  Okay, you haven't met my mother, um, she...

• 56:33Andrew Santino?

  Little do you know I have. I'm your new daddy.

• 56:38Speaker 06

  No, my dad, my, my dad is terrifying.

• 56:40Andrew Santino?

  Okay, nevermind.

• 56:41Speaker 06

  He's six-four, he's like a big guy.

• 56:42Andrew Santino?

  I'm just kidding.

• 56:43Speaker 06

  But he's very sweet, he's very sweet, he wanted to be a comedian, which is so sweet.

• 56:45Andrew Santino?

  That's why you did it.

• 56:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's why I did it.

• 56:47Andrew Santino?

  And he, he's proud of you.

• 56:48Speaker 06

  Oh, my god, but he can, I'm so dirty that he can only see me once a year. Yeah, it's tough.

• 56:53Andrew Santino?

  Do you change the act in front of them?

• 56:54Speaker 06

  No.

• 56:55Andrew Santino?

  You do the same thing?

• 56:56Speaker 06

  I do the same thing.

• 56:56Andrew Santino?

  Good for you.

• 56:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, sometimes I'll acknowledge, be like, my parents are here, you have to laugh.

• 57:00Andrew Santino?

  That's good.

• 57:01Speaker 06

  If they can handle it, you can handle it.

• 57:02Andrew Santino?

  Put him on stage for, for a little part of the show.

• 57:04Speaker 06

  My mom would hate that.

• 57:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's why you do it.

• 57:06Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's the whole point.

• 57:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, you wanna still come to a show, mom?

• 57:09Andrew Santino?

  Yeah!

• 57:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 57:10Andrew Santino?

  Make her never wanna come again.

• 57:12Speaker 06

  My older sister, she is like, she's very sweet, um, she has a family, you know, so like, I'm doing comedy, it's like, out of, she's like, whatever, Caitlin's doing comedy, you know, very supportive, you know?

• 57:23Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 57:23Speaker 06

  Just like, good job, Caitlin, I watched you on the Netflix and you did a nice job, you know?

• 57:28Andrew Santino?

  She's an old white guy?

• 57:29Speaker 06

  She's an old white guy, uh, from Kansas, apparently, I don't know what that... Great job, Caitlin, saw you on Netflix, you're really, we're terrific.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  You're fantastic.

• 57:37Speaker 06

  Oh, buddy, you were great.

• 57:38Speaker 03

  Oh, bud, you were great.

• 57:40Speaker 06

  Um, but she, um, she's just, like, she's coming to the shows, and she's, you know, a little more buttoned up, a little more religious, I think she's seen me once before. And, um, so, and this is my dirtiest hour, and it's like, well, good luck, Sarah.

• 57:56Andrew Santino?

  She's, she's gonna be fine.

• 57:57Speaker 06

  And she was like, uh, she, she also like, didn't get tickets, uh, cuz she's used to me, you know, not doing well.

• 58:02Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 58:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just, just like, having tickets available.

• 58:06Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:06Speaker 06

  And so, she was like, can I get tickets? I didn't know you guys were, you know, I didn't expect you to do well, and I was like, girl... You did good, I didn't think that was gonna happen. I was like, girl, me too, okay? And I was like, yeah, sure, of course I can get you tickets, you know, feeling like, yeah!

• 58:20Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you want tickets, I'll give you your tickets.

• 58:21Speaker 06

  And then she was like, can I get nine? And I was like, fuck!

• 58:24Andrew Santino?

  Nine's a lot, nine's more than I thought you were gonna ask for, actually.

• 58:28Speaker 06

  I was like, of course, of course, of course.

• 58:30Andrew Santino?

  What about your younger sibling?

• 58:32Speaker 06

  My younger sibling, oh, she's just kinda floating around, she'll show up when she shows up.

• 58:36Andrew Santino?

  I like her.

• 58:36Speaker 06

  She's great.

• 58:37Andrew Santino?

  The baby's rad.

• 58:38Speaker 06

  Oh, Jessica rules.

• 58:39Andrew Santino?

  Does whatever she wants.

• 58:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, she's just kinda, she works for animal control too, so she's kinda got a fun badass job.

• 58:45Andrew Santino?

  In the Bay too?

• 58:46Speaker 06

  In the Bay.

• 58:47Andrew Santino?

  Everyone's in the Bay and you left?

• 58:48Speaker 06

  I left. I left. Okay.

• 58:50Andrew Santino?

  For the big city.

• 58:51Speaker 06

  I'm not coming back to the Bay!

• 58:52Andrew Santino?

  For the big city!

• 58:53Speaker 06

  I love it, I love it!

• 58:54Andrew Santino?

  I'm a hot shot in New York, I can get shitty pizza everywhere.

• 58:59Speaker 06

  There's not shitty pizza, shitty pizza's here, this is the shitty pizza, this is a terrible pizza.

• 59:02Andrew Santino?

  Hey, cut it out.

• 59:03Speaker 06

  Good tacos, bad pizza.

• 59:04Andrew Santino?

  Cut this game out.

• 59:05Speaker 06

  I hate it.

• 59:06Andrew Santino?

  Dollar fifty slice, they're all dog shit.

• 59:09Speaker 06

  No, the dollar fifties are, although you can get a pretty good single, like, a dollar slice, anyway.

• 59:13Andrew Santino?

  I'll take you to nine pizza places here that are as good as any fucking New York pizza place.

• 59:17Speaker 06

  Absolutely not, it's in the water, it's in the water.

• 59:18Andrew Santino?

  This game you guys play is such a lie, the water. You're like an old Jewish guy, the bagels, they can't repeat it!

• 59:24Speaker 06

  I am an old Jewish guy.

• 59:25Andrew Santino?

  We can't get water anywhere else? Not like New York water!

• 59:29Speaker 06

  I'm telling you, you guys got pesticides in your water.

• 59:31Andrew Santino?

  Cut it the fuck out.

• 59:32Speaker 06

  I can't drink from the tap here, it's disgusting.

• 59:34Andrew Santino?

  You're eating all of our food. Everyone across the country's eating California food.

• 59:38Speaker 06

  I will say that, you guys have better produce.

• 59:39Andrew Santino?

  We're the agriculture king, we, we...

• 59:42Speaker 06

  You're talking to someone from California!

• 59:44Andrew Santino?

  I know, so get back in it, dog! Stop this New York fucking lie you're living.

• 59:48Speaker 06

  I love New York, I love it.

• 59:49Andrew Santino?

  I'll take you to Apollonia's Pizza here, it's one of the best pizzas in the fucking country, they get rated one of the best, and I'll have that over fucking a dollar fifty slice any day.

• 59:57Speaker 06

  Of course, it's a dollar fifty slice, you gotta go to Scars, you gotta go to...

• 1:00:01Andrew Santino?

  So you gotta go to specific places too, this is my point, so when they go, there's better pizza in New York, no, there's not. There's more pizza per capita, but most of that is bad fucking pizza, it just is.

• 1:00:11Speaker 06

  I would say our bad fucking pizza is better than your medium pizza.

• 1:00:16Andrew Santino?

  What's medium?

• 1:00:17Speaker 06

  Like, if you're like, ah, I just need a slice.

• 1:00:19Andrew Santino?

  You hear you either go to a nice place, or you, or it's a family that gets Domino's.

• 1:00:23Speaker 06

  No, no, no, Scars gets, Scars is like a slice place, and it's very good, it's in the Lower East Side, it's fantastic, you gotta go there, costs three dollars for a slice, it's fantastic.

• 1:00:31Andrew Santino?

  Three dollars, what am I, a billionaire?

• 1:00:33Speaker 06

  Yes, you are, I'm looking around, alright, this wasn't cheap, you can handle three dollars.

• 1:00:38Andrew Santino?

  Wait, this was a gift. This was a gift, McCone made this at night, in his underwear.

• 1:00:43Speaker 06

  You made that?

• 1:00:44Andrew Santino?

  No, Ted Mon's made this, he's a great, great artist, made this years ago, and he made a bunch of different versions of these, uh, mosaics for other shows.

• 1:00:51Speaker 06

  They're very pretty.

• 1:00:52Andrew Santino?

  Oh, he's the fucking man. Let me tell you something.

• 1:00:54Speaker 06

  Okay, now we're chit-chatting.

• 1:00:55Andrew Santino?

  Let's get back, let's get back.

• 1:00:57Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:00:58Andrew Santino?

  I love New York.

• 1:00:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, of course you do.

• 1:01:00Andrew Santino?

  I love your slice.

• 1:01:01Speaker 06

  It's the best. Eh.

• 1:01:05Andrew Santino?

  It's bread, meat and cheese, dude. Cut it out.

• 1:01:07Speaker 06

  I mean.

• 1:01:08Andrew Santino?

  Just stop the game. I'm tired of the game. And the bagel thing? Who fucking care?

• 1:01:13Speaker 06

  The bagels are significantly better.

• 1:01:15Andrew Santino?

  Sure. I don't need, who the fuck is eating that many bagels? Are you eating fucking bagels every week?

• 1:01:20Speaker 06

  When I was really, really poor and not watching my weight, I was.

• 1:01:24Andrew Santino?

  Okay, sure.

• 1:01:25Speaker 06

  But now I measure my chicken and I haven't had a bagel in two years.

• 1:01:27Andrew Santino?

  I don't, I, bagels are, to me, it's like a thing I have sometimes.

• 1:01:30Speaker 06

  Are you clapping?

• 1:01:31Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, two years. Yeah, measure your chicken.

• 1:01:33Speaker 05

  Two years sober from.

• 1:01:35Andrew Santino?

  From bagels.

• 1:01:35Speaker 06

  Bagels, yeah. Bagels are like, wow, it's like 500 calories, 600 calories.

• 1:01:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's a fucking half a loaf of bread. And people are like, isn't it great? And you're like, no. I don't, I'd rather, no. I'd rather have a breakfast taco over a bagel all fucking day.

• 1:01:48Speaker 06

  I agree.

• 1:01:48Andrew Santino?

  Come back.

• 1:01:49Speaker 06

  I make my own breakfast tacos and I measure the amount of egg whites that I use. Come back. I'm a psychopath.

• 1:01:55Andrew Santino?

  Come on, you sound like a California girl. Come back. California girls. Come on.

• 1:02:01Speaker 06

  I am a California girl, but I just don't like the traffic.

• 1:02:03Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it sucks.

• 1:02:04Speaker 06

  It sucks. It sucks. I like the public transit. And I think if I moved here instead of New York City, I would have had two DUIs. Or I'd be dead.

• 1:02:11Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't have one.

• 1:02:14Speaker 06

  I mean, I'm happy for you, but.

• 1:02:15Andrew Santino?

  I mean, I am gonna die soon, but I don't. Roll this clip at my funeral. What a bummer. He called it. He knew.

• 1:02:22Speaker 06

  He died, but no DUIs. No DUIs.

• 1:02:24Andrew Santino?

  I don't really, I actually am big on no drinky drivey. If I'm gonna go somewhere and have a couple of pops, I usually take a new bear.

• 1:02:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:30Andrew Santino?

  Or, uh.

• 1:02:31Speaker 06

  I'm talking back when Ubers weren't really a big, when I first moved to New York, I would be.

• 1:02:36Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, well, see, we lived, back in the day too, when I was young, I lived in WeHo. We all lived, we all lived, literally every comic I knew. So then we walked to the store.

• 1:02:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:43Andrew Santino?

  So that was our little Manhattan.

• 1:02:45Speaker 06

  That's nice.

• 1:02:45Andrew Santino?

  It was like our little, so I, I don't know anybody that lived outside of the, all the young comics up and coming, you were like, you gotta get an apartment in West Hollywood. You didn't have, you just like had to.

• 1:02:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:55Andrew Santino?

  It'd be like saying you stay in the village. You're like, you have to stay in the village. Cause for us, we needed to walk to the store and get on that fucking open mic. And, you know, beg for friends and family spots.

• 1:03:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:03:05Andrew Santino?

  And then if you needed to go somewhere else, yeah, then you'd drive to go to another spot. But for the store kids, oh man. We purposely would like pay more money than we could afford just to live near the store.

• 1:03:16Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:03:16Andrew Santino?

  Nuts.

• 1:03:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, I was still, I, the way I was drinking back in the day, it was.

• 1:03:22Andrew Santino?

  Bad girl.

• 1:03:22Speaker 06

  Bad girl, bad girl.

• 1:03:23Andrew Santino?

  Good for you.

• 1:03:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, even when I was in San Diego, I had some close calls that I was like, not great, not great, not proud, not great. So I'm like, yeah, thank God I went to New York, didn't have a car for a while.

• 1:03:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:33Speaker 06

  Did the subway, did the.

• 1:03:35Andrew Santino?

  You still don't have a car now.

• 1:03:36Speaker 06

  I had one for about 10 years and then I, and then now I'm.

• 1:03:40Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, it's gone.

• 1:03:40Speaker 06

  It's gone. It's great. I love it.

• 1:03:41Andrew Santino?

  Ex totaled it.

• 1:03:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, my ex totaled it. And then I bought a new car and then it was.

• 1:03:46Andrew Santino?

  I'll say it. Her ex was Ricky Gervais.

• 1:03:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, can you believe it? What a scumbag.

• 1:03:54Andrew Santino?

  All right, what time is your flight? I don't want to keep you too long.

• 1:03:56Speaker 06

  I don't know. What time is it? Oh, it's at two. My flight's at two.

• 1:03:59Andrew Santino?

  Oh, you have time.

• 1:04:00Speaker 06

  I got time.

• 1:04:01Andrew Santino?

  I don't, I didn't, I didn't know. I literally was like, what if, it's so funny, if you bank this too close to your flight time, you're like.

• 1:04:07Speaker 06

  I even changed it to Burbank so that I wouldn't have to go all the way back down to LAX.

• 1:04:11Andrew Santino?

  Well, yeah, you should only fly out of Burbank if you're, if you're staying in California.

• 1:04:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think that from now on, that's what's. Well, it's also coming from New York, it's way cheaper to go into LAX.

• 1:04:21Andrew Santino?

  You have to fly to LAX from New York. But I'm saying, if you're staying on the West Coast.

• 1:04:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:24Andrew Santino?

  Burbank, dude. Burbank is king. Now everyone, the secret's out. Now they're, they're expanding the airports. So now it's gonna be busy and not gonna be worth it anymore.

• 1:04:32Speaker 06

  Do you live here?

• 1:04:33Andrew Santino?

  Right here in this room.

• 1:04:34Speaker 06

  Do you live, like, is this your?

• 1:04:36Andrew Santino?

  I live close. I live close.

• 1:04:37Speaker 06

  Oh, sorry. I forget. You probably got some weirdos who kinda like try and sniff your feet.

• 1:04:42Andrew Santino?

  No, people, people, uh, people have, some people figure out, but I live, we live close. We all kinda live like within, like.

• 1:04:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:04:48Andrew Santino?

  Bobby lives within, you know, a couple of miles. Like, we all kinda live.

• 1:04:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:04:52Andrew Santino?

  He's cool. He lives on the East Side. He lives in Brooklyn.

• 1:04:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

• 1:04:55Andrew Santino?

  He's young, he's cool, he's fucking with the cool guys, you know?

• 1:04:59Speaker 06

  Cat. Yeah. I lived in Brooklyn for, actual Brooklyn for a long time. And then I lived in, uh, now I live in the Lower East Side and it is.

• 1:05:07Andrew Santino?

  That's cool.

• 1:05:07Speaker 06

  It's cool, but I'm obviously the like, the older aunt, you know, of the neighborhood. Everyone's like 24, getting plaster thrown up on my stoop. And I'm like, how dare you?

• 1:05:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:17Speaker 06

  It's too loud.

• 1:05:18Andrew Santino?

  Get out of here.

• 1:05:19Speaker 06

  We need to put a no honking sign on this corner, okay? Everybody's just honking away.

• 1:05:24Andrew Santino?

  Lamia's Fish Market.

• 1:05:26Speaker 06

  What's that?

• 1:05:26Andrew Santino?

  Do you know about it?

• 1:05:27Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:05:27Andrew Santino?

  That's on the Lower East Side?

• 1:05:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:29Andrew Santino?

  One of my favorites.

• 1:05:30Speaker 06

  Your favorite fish market?

• 1:05:31Andrew Santino?

  Lamia's Fish Market.

• 1:05:33Speaker 06

  What do they sell?

• 1:05:34Andrew Santino?

  It's a restaurant.

• 1:05:35Speaker 06

  It's a restaurant.

• 1:05:36Andrew Santino?

  It's a seafood restaurant.

• 1:05:37Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:05:37Andrew Santino?

  Wait, you've never been?

• 1:05:39Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:05:39Andrew Santino?

  Plug, shout out Lamia's. That place is, I don't even know that's, I'm probably not saying.

• 1:05:42Speaker 05

  It's permanently closed.

• 1:05:43Speaker 06

  Oh, no.

• 1:05:44Speaker 05

  That's what it says on Google.

• 1:05:45Andrew Santino?

  No. When did that close?

• 1:05:47Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 1:05:48Speaker 06

  That's devastating.

• 1:05:49Andrew Santino?

  No fucking way, really? I was there like not even a year ago.

• 1:05:53Speaker 06

  Oh, that sucks.

• 1:05:54Andrew Santino?

  Lamia's Fish Market.

• 1:05:55Speaker 05

  Maybe Google's capping.

• 1:05:57Speaker 06

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:05:58Andrew Santino?

  Permanently closed.

• 1:05:59Speaker 06

  Oh, I'm so sorry. I hate it when that happens.

• 1:06:03Andrew Santino?

  It's actually East Village technically. It's right on the, yeah, it's right on the border there. Um, oh wow, this is terrible. This is closed. It was a, it was a cool, artsy. Like it was an artsy fucking, yeah, of course. It was like an artsy little fish market. I used to love fucking going there.

• 1:06:18Speaker 06

  Oh, I've walked by this before.

• 1:06:20Andrew Santino?

  Well, it's gone. Thanks for not going in.

• 1:06:21Speaker 06

  I'm sorry. I'm not a huge fish person.

• 1:06:24Andrew Santino?

  You don't like seafood?

• 1:06:25Speaker 06

  I like oysters. I like, I like cold fish. I don't like hot fish.

• 1:06:28Andrew Santino?

  I understand. I, I, how about this? I like, I prefer cold fish over hot fish.

• 1:06:34Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:06:35Andrew Santino?

  Like I prefer sushi because we have it all the time out here. But growing up in the Midwest, you never ate sushi. Like, ever. You would go to, if you went to a cookout at a lake house.

• 1:06:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:45Andrew Santino?

  You're eating grilled fish.

• 1:06:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:47Andrew Santino?

  Like everyone's eating grilled fish. So as a kid, you just like grew up eating it. But when I got older, I was like, oh, sushi's way better.

• 1:06:52Speaker 06

  It's so good.

• 1:06:53Andrew Santino?

  It's also more expensive.

• 1:06:54Speaker 06

  Way more expensive.

• 1:06:55Andrew Santino?

  It's such a fucking ripoff.

• 1:06:56Speaker 06

  But yeah.

• 1:06:56Andrew Santino?

  You're like, you didn't cook? And that's what my dad's first, they didn't, they didn't even cook it? It's more expensive? My dad hates sushi.

• 1:07:02Speaker 06

  Really?

• 1:07:03Andrew Santino?

  The concept of it is, is insane to him.

• 1:07:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:05Andrew Santino?

  They didn't do anything.

• 1:07:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's true. They just kinda wrapped it in rice.

• 1:07:09Andrew Santino?

  I was like, they do though. They, they pick certain cuts of fish that are good sushi grade quality and they cut it right with the same, you know, this perfect amount of rice and it's a good proportion and da, da. And then he eats it. He's like, it's bullshit. He's right though, dude. I do agree. I do understand his like, what do you mean? Give me a big fucking chunk of fish.

• 1:07:26Speaker 06

  That's hilarious. My dad would go and be like, where's the chicken teriyaki?

• 1:07:30Speaker 05

  It opened under a new name.

• 1:07:32Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 1:07:32Speaker 05

  It's on Fourth Street and Avenue B. It's called Aquarell.

• 1:07:36Andrew Santino?

  Aquarell, Aquarell.

• 1:07:38Speaker 05

  Aquarell.

• 1:07:39Speaker 06

  There you go.

• 1:07:39Andrew Santino?

  Will you go there? Go there.

• 1:07:40Speaker 06

  All right, I'll go there. I'll give it a whirl. I'll go on a fucking Hinge date. Make them take me there.

• 1:07:44Andrew Santino?

  Are you rocking on the Hinge now?

• 1:07:45Speaker 06

  No, I tried the Field and I can't do the Field.

• 1:07:48Andrew Santino?

  What do you mean?

• 1:07:49Speaker 06

  Field?

• 1:07:49Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Speaker 06

  It's, um, it's another app. It's more of a.

• 1:07:51Andrew Santino?

  Oh, that's an app.

• 1:07:52Speaker 06

  It's an app.

• 1:07:52Andrew Santino?

  The Field? Do you know what that is?

• 1:07:54Speaker 05

  That's the kink app, right?

• 1:07:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's a kink app. I unfortunately am looking for love.

• 1:08:00Andrew Santino?

  So why are you on the kink app?

• 1:08:01Speaker 06

  Because they said, my friend, you know Lisa Trigger?

• 1:08:04Andrew Santino?

  Of course.

• 1:08:04Speaker 06

  Yes. She, she was like, oh, they're more likely to meet up in real life if you go on this app. People are like making dates, making plans.

• 1:08:13Andrew Santino?

  Instead of just talking on.

• 1:08:14Speaker 06

  Instead of just talking and then nothing happening. And I was like, oh, okay, I'll try that. And, um, met with zero people. They were all married, I feel like.

• 1:08:22Andrew Santino?

  That's the kink.

• 1:08:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's the kink. Um, the farthest, like I was one guy and I, I sent him a picture and then I never heard from him again.

• 1:08:30Andrew Santino?

  Like a, like a nude?

• 1:08:31Speaker 06

  No, no, just me in like a bikini.

• 1:08:32Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:08:33Speaker 06

  Bikini top. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:34Andrew Santino?

  You're like, hey buddy.

• 1:08:34Speaker 06

  Nothing I wouldn't post on Instagram. Okay.

• 1:08:37Andrew Santino?

  You sent the clip from the podcast with the five guys?

• 1:08:39Speaker 06

  What's that?

• 1:08:40Andrew Santino?

  You sent them that clip from the podcast, you with the five guys.

• 1:08:41Speaker 06

  May as well. It was, it was like that, as harmless as that.

• 1:08:44Andrew Santino?

  Sure.

• 1:08:45Speaker 06

  Um, and, uh, then never heard from him again.

• 1:08:48Andrew Santino?

  Fuck her.

• 1:08:48Speaker 06

  Yeah. And then, uh, and then, but one guy was hilarious. He was just like, he was like, what are you looking for on this? He was like, I'm married with kids and they're out for a while. And I was like, oh, I don't think this is gonna work out. He's like, well, what are you looking for? And I literally wrote love, lol.

• 1:09:04Andrew Santino?

  He didn't respond.

• 1:09:05Speaker 06

  And he was like, oh, I can't help you with that.

• 1:09:07Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, no. What was your kink? Do you list your kink?

• 1:09:09Speaker 06

  Cuddling.

• 1:09:11Andrew Santino?

  Oh, really?

• 1:09:12Speaker 06

  I literally, it's the most wholesome fucking thing.

• 1:09:15Andrew Santino?

  Cause that app is probably home to all of it.

• 1:09:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I see some, and you take a look at it and you're like, okay, being dominant, of course. There's a man who's like, I wanna be dominant. No shit, Sherlock, okay? Um, but like, nothing ever is like, uh, or at least the guys I matched with were never like anything too wild.

• 1:09:35Andrew Santino?

  Nothing insane?

• 1:09:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:09:36Andrew Santino?

  Damn, I wanted something, I wanted.

• 1:09:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, I mean, there was like, there's some of it who was like, I wanna watch. And that's like, eh.

• 1:09:42Andrew Santino?

  You and someone else?

• 1:09:43Speaker 06

  Yeah. A lot of couples hit me up too.

• 1:09:45Andrew Santino?

  Cucking, a lot of cuckin'.

• 1:09:46Speaker 06

  A lot of cuckin', a lot of.

• 1:09:47Andrew Santino?

  I really don't, I can't run my head around the cuckin'. I'm not gonna yuck someone's yum, but I don't get the cuckin'. Cause I'd wanna play. I don't wanna watch.

• 1:09:53Speaker 06

  Yeah. You have a wife, right?

• 1:09:54Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:55Andrew Santino?

  But like, I wanna, like, I would wanna hook up. I don't wanna watch anybody.

• 1:10:00Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:10:01Andrew Santino?

  You know what I mean? Like it's a weird, in my mind, I'm like, get it.

• 1:10:04Speaker 06

  Get me in the game, coach.

• 1:10:05Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, what am I doing over here?

• 1:10:06Speaker 06

  You're an athlete.

• 1:10:06Andrew Santino?

  I don't wanna not play. That's insane. That's like somebody being like, you ever go to a comedy show just to go? You're like, if I'm not performing, no.

• 1:10:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:10:13Andrew Santino?

  I'm not gonna go to my job to not work.

• 1:10:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:10:15Andrew Santino?

  That's the same as cuckin'. I'm like, no, I'd like to get in there.

• 1:10:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm not just gonna watch a show. That's, ugh.

• 1:10:20Andrew Santino?

  That's a fucking nightmare.

• 1:10:21Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:10:21Andrew Santino?

  The idea of a drive, you know, like family, friends or someone who's not familiar with the world would be like, do you ever just go to shows? And I'm like, what does that even fucking mean?

• 1:10:28Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:10:28Andrew Santino?

  No, do you go to your office?

• 1:10:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:10:30Andrew Santino?

  On Saturday and just go hang and check out the fucking, it is my desk.

• 1:10:35Speaker 06

  Have you ever realized, have you ever realized like you've ruined comedy for yourself?

• 1:10:39Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I hate it. I mean, comedy's dog shit.

• 1:10:41Speaker 06

  I used to love standup comedy. I loved it. But now I'm like, if I watch more than two minutes of it, I'm angry.

• 1:10:47Andrew Santino?

  I love performing.

• 1:10:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:10:49Andrew Santino?

  But, but I don't, I can't like watch it or be involved in it or no, that's I can't.

• 1:10:53Speaker 06

  Go to a show. I was like, ah, sometimes I look at the audience and I'm like, how cool is that?

• 1:10:57Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:57Speaker 06

  You're at a show.

• 1:10:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:59Speaker 06

  You were like, I'm gonna go out, I'm gonna go to a show and then I'm gonna go back to my little life, you know? And it's like, wow, that's so cool.

• 1:11:08Andrew Santino?

  How demeaning. Your little bullshit life.

• 1:11:09Speaker 06

  But I mean, like your li, like your, your beautiful life, that's a small circle and you have, you, you've already achieved everything you wanna achieve.

• 1:11:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:17Speaker 06

  You have the family, you have your job, you know what you're gonna do. You have your life.

• 1:11:22Andrew Santino?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:11:23Speaker 06

  And then you go to a show and you enjoy the show and then you just leave.

• 1:11:26Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:27Speaker 06

  Crazy.

• 1:11:28Andrew Santino?

  Crazy. How beautiful. Yeah.

• 1:11:29Speaker 06

  That's beautiful.

• 1:11:30Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you've ruined it.

• 1:11:30Speaker 06

  I've ruined it. I can never have that.

• 1:11:32Andrew Santino?

  Well, that's the thing that they say, if you wanna like fall out of love with something, start working in it. And that's, that's every industry though. It's like everyone I know. Like I'm a big golf fan and everybody that works in golf that I know, I'm like, how cool. And they're like, no, not really.

• 1:11:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:11:45Andrew Santino?

  Because they're inside, you're too inside of it. They get over the, it's just, it's a lot, just like for us.

• 1:11:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:11:51Andrew Santino?

  The only time that's fun for me is if I'm like, at the store or at the cellar or, and I'm going on and I'm getting to see like a couple of comics before or after me. That's kinda nice. I'll get, I'll, I'll watch someone that I'm like, oh, I haven't seen them a while. I'll.

• 1:12:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:12:06Andrew Santino?

  I'll, I'll do that sometimes.

• 1:12:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:12:08Andrew Santino?

  But most of the time you gotta go.

• 1:12:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:10Andrew Santino?

  Like I don't have any time to stick around.

• 1:12:11Speaker 06

  There's like a handful of comments where I'm like, ooh, I'd love to see what they're working on.

• 1:12:14Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:14Speaker 06

  You know, and then, um, but most of the time I'm chit chatting in the back eating chicken wings.

• 1:12:21Andrew Santino?

  Please go watch your new special, Chit Chatting in the Back Eating Chicken Wings.

• 1:12:26Speaker 06

  With double blue cheese ranch dressing.

• 1:12:29Andrew Santino?

  Is that your deal?

• 1:12:30Speaker 06

  Oh my god, if I'm being bad, if I'm being bad. Okay, the seller has the chicken wings, I order all flats, extra sauce, okay, and then I get two, two blue cheese dressings on the side, and then extra, the extra sauce is so that it soaks into the potato chips.

• 1:12:48Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 1:12:49Speaker 06

  And then I just.

• 1:12:51Andrew Santino?

  Is this called the Peluffo? Can you order this on the menu?

• 1:12:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's not on the menu, you gotta ask for it.

• 1:12:55Andrew Santino?

  I got a hot take that you're not gonna like.

• 1:12:57Speaker 06

  Can I get the Peluffo wing style? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:59Andrew Santino?

  I'm not a wing guy.

• 1:13:00Speaker 06

  You're not a wing guy! Why did that upset me?

• 1:13:03Andrew Santino?

  I know, people love wings.

• 1:13:04Speaker 06

  The fuck is wrong with you?

• 1:13:05Andrew Santino?

  Whenever someone's like, "Should we get wings?" I'm like, "I don't want them."

• 1:13:08Speaker 06

  You don't want them?

• 1:13:09Andrew Santino?

  What am I doing?

• 1:13:09Speaker 06

  Where are you going to get wings?

• 1:13:10Andrew Santino?

  What am I, just any, any place that serves wings, I'm always like, "What is, I gotta..." I wanna, "Give me a fucking meal," I don't, what am I doing?

• 1:13:18Speaker 06

  I love, I love making a mess, I just, well.

• 1:13:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, you're a slob, but you can eat through bones like a Neanderthal, I was not interested in bone in removal of like, and then like sucking off the gristle off the bone, like.

• 1:13:31Speaker 06

  Well, I'm not doing that, I'm not, I'm not sucking off the gristle.

• 1:13:33Andrew Santino?

  That's what people do when they eat wings, and they eat, they eat every piece of like the tendons, I'm like, "What the fuck are we doing?"

• 1:13:38Speaker 06

  I'm straight, I'm not doing that.

• 1:13:41Andrew Santino?

  Nah, when I'm a bar, I'm a bar, like, bar food.

• 1:13:46Speaker 06

  You don't like a jalapeno popper?

• 1:13:48Andrew Santino?

  Fuck that. Nachos, though.

• 1:13:50Speaker 06

  Nachos are fantastic.

• 1:13:52Andrew Santino?

  See, nachos hits all the, all the notes.

• 1:13:54Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:13:55Andrew Santino?

  So I get my, you get your cheese, you get your beans, you get your guac, your jalapenos, your pickled onions, the chicken or beef, come on, come on, come on.

• 1:14:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:14:01Andrew Santino?

  And you get a crunchy on the underside, nachos are the home run of all bar food to me.

• 1:14:05Speaker 06

  I would, I would say, yes, I agree.

• 1:14:07Andrew Santino?

  Wings are fine, but then, you know, then it's on your hands, and I'm a germaphobe, so I get like, I have to go to the bathroom immediately and wash my hands.

• 1:14:15Speaker 06

  Good for you, there's a place that, Lower East Side, they, they flatten out the nachos, and so every chip has stuff on it. It's the best.

• 1:14:26Andrew Santino?

  Well, tell me what this is, I gave you lamias.

• 1:14:29Speaker 06

  It's, it's my favorite bar.

• 1:14:30Andrew Santino?

  Oh, so don't give it away then?

• 1:14:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't.

• 1:14:32Andrew Santino?

  Give it to me after the show.

• 1:14:32Speaker 06

  I will give it to you after, you gotta go, I literally, I bring people back all the time

• 1:14:36Andrew Santino?

  That's the spot.

• 1:14:37Speaker 06

  To this, this place, friends, and they're like, "This is the best bar in the city."

• 1:14:40Andrew Santino?

  Oh, good, don't tell anybody.

• 1:14:41Speaker 06

  Yeah, I won't tell anybody.

• 1:14:42Andrew Santino?

  Keep it a secret, it's actually, it's actually in Midtown.

• 1:14:46Andrew Santino?

  It's way up there in Midtown.

• 1:14:47Speaker 06

  It's in Hoboken, so.

• 1:14:50Andrew Santino?

  You gotta go to Jersey for stuff like this.

• 1:14:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:53Andrew Santino?

  Every night Caitlin drives into Jersey, just so she can get this.

• 1:14:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's truly, it's my favorite place, and I, I drink maybe once or twice a week now.

• 1:15:01Andrew Santino?

  That's it?

• 1:15:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:02Andrew Santino?

  Good on you.

• 1:15:03Speaker 06

  But I used to really, phew, but anyway, I, and I only drink at this bar.

• 1:15:07Andrew Santino?

  Really?

• 1:15:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, and they're very sweet, they won't post anything with me, they know it's my little safe space. They do a comedy show in the back, and they're like, "We won't ask you to do it," and I was like, "Thank you."

• 1:15:18Andrew Santino?

  See, I can't go to that bar.

• 1:15:18Speaker 06

  I text the bartender, I was like, "You let me know when it's done, and I'll come down," and he goes, "Okay."

• 1:15:22Andrew Santino?

  Tell me when it's over, "Caitlin, are you, are you here for the show?" And you're like, "No, I'm here to get wasted by myself."

• 1:15:27Speaker 06

  I'm here to get wasted and then stumble home, it's so close to my house, it's awesome.

• 1:15:30Andrew Santino?

  I'm gonna get hammered and stumble home.

• 1:15:32Speaker 06

  It's the best.

• 1:15:33Andrew Santino?

  All right, well, we do need to get you on, I need to set you up with love, let's find Caitlin love, please email us at [email protected], and we'll set up the email.

• 1:15:42Speaker 06

  What is this?

• 1:15:43Andrew Santino?

  We do this all the time.

• 1:15:44Speaker 06

  What is it?

• 1:15:45Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he's gonna set up an email, [email protected], [email protected], Joe, put up the tag there, Mccone's gonna set up the email right now.

• 1:15:52Speaker 06

  C-A-I-T-L-I-N.

• 1:15:54Andrew Santino?

  See, look, you're helping. Send photo, send location, what was it, ASL, age, sex, location, ASL? ASL us, it has to be somewhere in New York or in the New York metro area in order to fall in love with Caitlin, we'll screen it, I'll send you the good ones that we think are legit.

• 1:16:13Speaker 06

  Like, people who wanna date me?

• 1:16:15Andrew Santino?

  Who wanna do anything to you.

• 1:16:16Speaker 06

  Okay, great.

• 1:16:16Andrew Santino?

  Date you, kill you.

• 1:16:18Speaker 06

  Cuddle, mostly, I just wanna cuddle.

• 1:16:20Andrew Santino?

  If there's anybody out there that just wants to cuddle, put that in the subject line as well, cuddle and kiss, how about a kiss and cuddle?

• 1:16:25Speaker 06

  Oh, I love a kiss and cuddle!

• 1:16:26Andrew Santino?

  All right, guys out there, listen, kiss and cuddle.

• 1:16:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:16:29Andrew Santino?

  Also, let's not assume, women, if you're, if you're, if you think you can also get her back to playing for the other side for a little while?

• 1:16:36Speaker 06

  If you don't have a pussy, go ahead.

• 1:16:38Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, if you're a lady and you don't have one, also hit us up at, do we have the email, can we set it up? Do we got it?

• 1:16:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:16:45Andrew Santino?

  [email protected].

• 1:16:46Speaker 05

  [email protected].

• 1:16:47Speaker 06

  I don't think this is real, is this real?

• 1:16:49Andrew Santino?

  I swear to god on my life.

• 1:16:50Speaker 06

  Are you swear, no, you're not, you're smiling, you're smiling!

• 1:16:52Andrew Santino?

  I smile because I'm happy.

• 1:16:54Speaker 06

  I don't think this is real.

• 1:16:55Andrew Santino?

  Well, Coney, look at all the emails we already got.

• 1:16:57Speaker 06

  No, you don't have any, no, no, no, see, this is all, we're all bullshit, we're all bullshit. This is all bullshit, but honestly, I'd be open to it.

• 1:17:05Andrew Santino?

  Set up an email, [email protected] right now, just do it, and we're gonna see what happens, because this is a great experiment.

• 1:17:12Speaker 06

  I'm literally sitting here like, "Is this real?" I don't know what's happening.

• 1:17:14Andrew Santino?

  It might be.

• 1:17:15Speaker 06

  It's not real.

• 1:17:15Andrew Santino?

  No, it's gonna be. He'll set it up.

• 1:17:17Speaker 06

  He'll set it up?

• 1:17:18Andrew Santino?

  We set up before, we've set up a few over here, and some of them have worked out, kind of for fun. Yeah, we did a, did we, what did we do for Black Magic, what did we do for Doc?

• 1:17:26Speaker 05

  That was before my time.

• 1:17:28Andrew Santino?

  Oh yeah, you weren't around for that. We had, we had Doc Willis, who's a great comedian, he's a, a shorter man, and we called him Little Black Magic. He's Black Magic, and we, we were trying to get him a girl for a little while.

• 1:17:38Speaker 05

  Hooked them up?

• 1:17:39Andrew Santino?

  Huh?

• 1:17:40Speaker 05

  Black Magic and Caitlin?

• 1:17:41Andrew Santino?

  Uh, he's a little, I don't know if she likes short, do you like short guys?

• 1:17:44Speaker 06

  I'm the only woman on the planet who does not care about height.

• 1:17:47Andrew Santino?

  Little Black Magic! Cause I'm your guy, dude.

• 1:17:51Speaker 06

  If you make me funny and you have strong shoulders, I'll fuck you.

• 1:17:54Andrew Santino?

  He's funny, he's sweet, he's very smart, he's like, um, how do I say this without sounding offensive? Unassumingly smart, like, you wouldn't, you wouldn't think like, "Oh, he's a nerd."

• 1:18:07Speaker 06

  Oh, I see, I see.

• 1:18:08Andrew Santino?

  By his appearance.

• 1:18:08Speaker 06

  He's not wearing glasses.

• 1:18:09Andrew Santino?

  But he's a nerd.

• 1:18:10Speaker 05

  Well, he is wearing glasses.

• 1:18:11Speaker 06

  Oh, he's wearing glasses, okay, so he's...

• 1:18:13Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, but it doesn't look like, but black guys with glasses don't look like us, white guys with glasses, like, dork, black guy with glasses, you're like, "Ah, intellect."

• 1:18:19Speaker 06

  Oh, really?

• 1:18:20Andrew Santino?

  I feel like it's a different look, black guy with glasses is not, white guy with glasses immediately gives nerd vibes.

• 1:18:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:25Andrew Santino?

  Black guy with glasses doesn't always do that.

• 1:18:27Speaker 06

  See, I think I, my ex-boyfriend was very into superheroes and stuff like that.

• 1:18:32Andrew Santino?

  Nerd.

• 1:18:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, and so whenever, and there was, like, I associate black guys with glasses with also Marvel.

• 1:18:40Andrew Santino?

  Give me, type in Google, "black guy with glasses" right now.

• 1:18:43Speaker 05

  I bet Urkel's gonna pop up first.

• 1:18:44Andrew Santino?

  See, but that's not fair, because that's not even a real thing, that was, Urkel was just a white guy that they cast as a black guy. Cause that was a white character.

• 1:18:52Speaker 05

  His name was Jaleel White.

• 1:18:53Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I know, I know.

• 1:18:55Speaker 06

  Jaleel?

• 1:18:56Andrew Santino?

  Jaleel White, that's Jaleel White, it was Urkel.

• 1:18:58Speaker 06

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 1:18:59Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, Jaleel White, okay, let's see, black guy with glasses, yeah, intellect, sexy intellect.

• 1:19:03Speaker 06

  Hot!

• 1:19:03Andrew Santino?

  See, my point is proven, now do white guy with glasses, I guarantee you it's dork, this is my point.

• 1:19:08Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:19:09Andrew Santino?

  That's a hot,

• 1:19:09Speaker 06

  I understand what you're saying now.

• 1:19:10Andrew Santino?

  Astute, cool.

• 1:19:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:12Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, white guy glasses, dorkus, we immediately go to dorkus, it's just kind of part of the,

• 1:19:17Speaker 06

  Okay. I'm with you.

• 1:19:18Andrew Santino?

  What is in The Simpsons, "The Glee" and it's like that, you know, what's the fucking scientist, what's wrong with me in The Simpsons?

• 1:19:25Speaker 06

  I wasn't allowed to watch it.

• 1:19:27Andrew Santino?

  What?

• 1:19:28Speaker 06

  I wasn't allowed to watch it.

• 1:19:29Andrew Santino?

  Jesus, no wonder you left, dork, right away, nerd, dork. That guy on the left, I know that guy, he's famous.

• 1:19:35Speaker 05

  Jeff, Jeff Hiller?

• 1:19:36Andrew Santino?

  No, I thought it was Jimmy something, anyway, all white guys with glasses are nerds. I have bad vision, I won't get it fixed, just because I'm like, "Fuck it, dude."

• 1:19:44Speaker 06

  Really? You don't have glasses?

• 1:19:45Andrew Santino?

  Nah.

• 1:19:45Speaker 06

  I wear contacts.

• 1:19:46Andrew Santino?

  No, I don't wear anything.

• 1:19:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, I can't see shit, you take these out, I'm blind.

• 1:19:49Andrew Santino?

  I can't see either, and I'm kind of comfortable about it, I think it's like, who cares?

• 1:19:53Speaker 06

  You drive!

• 1:19:54Andrew Santino?

  So what? They're big, cars are big.

• 1:19:57Speaker 06

  Cars are big!

• 1:19:58Andrew Santino?

  I don't need to read a license plate.

• 1:19:59Speaker 06

  No, no, no, only if, if they hit you, then you do.

• 1:20:01Andrew Santino?

  That's it, they made, they made, they made the flow of traffic and driving for people with bad vision, lights are big, they're, it's three colors, I got it. I can see that, I'm not colorblind, I'm just, poor vision, cars are big, and by the way, if I hit a child or like a pedestrian, it's like, I'll figure it out.

• 1:20:20Speaker 06

  You'll figure it out?

• 1:20:21Andrew Santino?

  Well, let's, well, let's cross that bridge when we get to it, why am I putting the car before the horse, like, what do we, that's like saying like, "What if I get cancer?" Like, sure, maybe.

• 1:20:28Speaker 06

  True.

• 1:20:29Andrew Santino?

  All right, I'll, I'll get there when I get there.

• 1:20:30Speaker 06

  I'll start eating kale then.

• 1:20:33Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I'll fix my stuff then, I'm good, so yeah, if I hit and kill someone, you'll, I'll be in the news.

• 1:20:39Speaker 06

  Okay, yeah, no, I'll.

• 1:20:40Andrew Santino?

  I mean, I've hit someone with my car already.

• 1:20:41Speaker 06

  Have you?

• 1:20:41Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, he didn't die, he's fine. I have no idea.

• 1:20:45Speaker 06

  I'm very gullible, so I just need you to know that, the email thing and then you hitting someone, I'm just falling for all of it.

• 1:20:52Andrew Santino?

  He knows, I did hit a guy with my car, you remember that story, it was actually terrible, yeah, it was years ago in the rain, I hit a guy with my car.

• 1:20:57Speaker 06

  Is he okay?

• 1:20:58Andrew Santino?

  I don't know.

• 1:21:00Speaker 06

  Was he, why didn't?

• 1:21:00Speaker 05

  He was pretty banged up.

• 1:21:01Andrew Santino?

  He was pretty banged up.

• 1:21:02Speaker 06

  Well, why didn't anything happen?

• 1:21:03Andrew Santino?

  I led, I, I left the scene, I fled the scene.

• 1:21:05Speaker 06

  No, you didn't, you wouldn't be saying it on this, no, you wouldn't, I swear to god, I'm so gullible, you have to stop, you have to stop! I really will fall for it.

• 1:21:14Andrew Santino?

  I hit a guy with my car.

• 1:21:15Speaker 06

  This is why you can't start the email, because they're all gonna lie to me and I'm all gonna believe them, I'm gonna believe every single one, I'm gonna be like,

• 1:21:20Andrew Santino?

  No, I did hit a man.

• 1:21:21Speaker 06

  "Oh, you are a rocket scientist."

• 1:21:23Andrew Santino?

  I hit a man with my car, he was okay, it was in the rain, he was crossing the street illegally, so technically it really wasn't, and I called.

• 1:21:27Speaker 06

  Oh, I see, I see.

• 1:21:28Andrew Santino?

  But he was in bad shape.

• 1:21:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, did he have, uh, ambulance?

• 1:21:32Andrew Santino?

  He left the scene.

• 1:21:32Speaker 06

  He left the scene because he was wrong, was he undocumented? Cause sometimes that happens.

• 1:21:36Andrew Santino?

  No, no, no, no, no, this is a mid twenties white guy, like, bro, a bro bro with his bro's backpack, assumably full of drugs, illegal activities. Seemed odd to be running in the rain.

• 1:21:48Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:21:49Andrew Santino?

  Something was up.

• 1:21:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, he was running from something.

• 1:21:51Andrew Santino?

  Hit him pretty hard, shattered my windshield, oh yeah, shattered my windshield, glass on my face.

• 1:21:55Speaker 06

  Oh my god.

• 1:21:55Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, I brought my car to the, I brought my car to the autobody guy, he's like, "What happened?" I'm like, "No, dude, it was a," and he's like, "You don't need to tell," I'm like, "Okay, just fix the car."

• 1:22:04Speaker 06

  You're really in with the Armenians, I'll tell you that.

• 1:22:05Andrew Santino?

  Well, dude, you've lived here long enough, it happens, I mean, you can't get away from them, they're, we're in the valley, all right, you go to Burbank Airport, you'll see him there.

• 1:22:12Speaker 06

  Oh, really?

• 1:22:14Andrew Santino?

  This is, this is Persian Armenian central up here, dude, this is like, yeah, you go to Glendale, do you know Glendale?

• 1:22:19Speaker 06

  I have been to Glendale, it's so cute.

• 1:22:21Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's...

• 1:22:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, a lot of Armenians?

• 1:22:24Andrew Santino?

  That's Armenia, bro, that's a little Armenia.

• 1:22:27Speaker 06

  Last time and it was adorable.

• 1:22:29Andrew Santino?

  It is nice. It's nice over there. It's like family. It's the suburbs.

• 1:22:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:32Andrew Santino?

  Suburbs.

• 1:22:32Speaker 06

  Um, what's it? Um, it's gone.

• 1:22:36Andrew Santino?

  It left?

• 1:22:36Speaker 06

  The place that I, Sherman Oaks.

• 1:22:39Andrew Santino?

  Oh, Sherman. That's, that's here in the valley. Yeah. The valley's the best, dude.

• 1:22:42Speaker 06

  I liked it.

• 1:22:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. And you said you didn't like the suburbs. This is great.

• 1:22:45Speaker 06

  Is it suburbs?

• 1:22:46Andrew Santino?

  This is the suburbs, so, so to speak. Yeah. It's like, uh, it's really like Jer- it's Jersey.

• 1:22:52Speaker 06

  It's Jersey.

• 1:22:52Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. It's kind of the, it's like, if you're like, yeah, we're gonna sit. You wanna go live at the thing?

• 1:22:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:56Andrew Santino?

  You wanna get away from the shit?

• 1:22:57Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:22:57Andrew Santino?

  This is it.

• 1:22:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can have a backyard and stuff like that.

• 1:23:00Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. You have a light, you can have like a house and a life out here.

• 1:23:02Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:23:02Andrew Santino?

  You go to this city and it's like, eh, poop, you know?

• 1:23:05Speaker 06

  Yeah. Cause it all seems pretty close, you know?

• 1:23:07Andrew Santino?

  It is. It's 15 minutes for me to get to the Comedy Store.

• 1:23:09Speaker 06

  Whereas like if the suburbs of New York, you're like out.

• 1:23:11Andrew Santino?

  It's an hour.

• 1:23:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:23:13Andrew Santino?

  It's a full, full fucking hour.

• 1:23:14Speaker 06

  You're in another state.

• 1:23:15Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. We're like Bobby Kelly lives and stuff like that.

• 1:23:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:17Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. It's like, it is, you know, and he's so funny. He's like, it's not that far. I'm like, nah, on the map it is.

• 1:23:22Speaker 06

  Yeah. On the map it is. And if you hit traffic, you're there for a decade.

• 1:23:25Andrew Santino?

  It's a nightmare. Fuck that.

• 1:23:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:27Andrew Santino?

  All right. Look, how many dates do you have coming up? Do you wanna plug any dates? This might come out in, this is gonna come out pretty soon, but are you on the road for a while? What's going on?

• 1:23:34Speaker 06

  I'm on the road for a while. Yeah. I'm coming to Raleigh, North Carolina.

• 1:23:37Andrew Santino?

  Love. Good Nights?

• 1:23:38Speaker 06

  Good Nights.

• 1:23:38Andrew Santino?

  Love Good Nights, man.

• 1:23:39Speaker 06

  Yeah. Good Nights, uh, Charleston, um, oh, I'm coming to Tempe. I'm doing the Tempe Improv for the first time in my life.

• 1:23:45Andrew Santino?

  Hey, I'm a New York steak guy. That's my home.

• 1:23:47Speaker 06

  Yeah. Uh, Florida. I'm doing a bunch of dates. Uh, Tampa. Um, and then, uh, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Austin. Austin's almost sold out, so go to Austin.

• 1:23:58Andrew Santino?

  Where are you planning in Austin?

• 1:23:59Speaker 06

  Uh, Cap City.

• 1:24:01Andrew Santino?

  Cap City's so great.

• 1:24:02Speaker 06

  Yeah. I love it there. And they're, we're doing a mix of big room and small room. And so you should come.

• 1:24:08Andrew Santino?

  You should come.

• 1:24:08Speaker 06

  You should. That's it.

• 1:24:10Andrew Santino?

  When are you in St. Louis?

• 1:24:11Speaker 06

  St. Louis, uh, November, I think.

• 1:24:13Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 1:24:13Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:14Andrew Santino?

  All right.

• 1:24:14Speaker 06

  Um.

• 1:24:15Andrew Santino?

  caitlinpeluffo.com?

• 1:24:16Speaker 06

  Yeah. Oh, and the Punch Line, San Francisco and, uh, Seattle. I'm going. I'm going everywhere and Portland. I'm every, I'm literally booked out until March, so please pick a date.

• 1:24:24Andrew Santino?

  Until March of next year?

• 1:24:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:24:26Andrew Santino?

  You're sick.

• 1:24:26Speaker 06

  That's, that's good, right?

• 1:24:28Andrew Santino?

  Yeah, that's wild.

• 1:24:28Speaker 06

  I think I have a cra- I, I think I have a very optimistic agent.

• 1:24:32Andrew Santino?

  Yeah. Holy shit.

• 1:24:34Speaker 06

  Yeah. I was like, God bless you. Um.

• 1:24:35Andrew Santino?

  No, but that's a good thing.

• 1:24:36Speaker 06

  Yeah. You want that?

• 1:24:37Andrew Santino?

  Get on the road.

• 1:24:37Speaker 06

  Yeah. It's brand new to me. I don't know what I'm doing.

• 1:24:39Andrew Santino?

  Well, when you're done in March, you'll need to take some time to not.

• 1:24:41Speaker 06

  Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:42Andrew Santino?

  Don't die.

• 1:24:43Speaker 06

  Don't die.

• 1:24:43Andrew Santino?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:44Speaker 06

  How much time are you supposed to take off? I take off two days and I'm like, we did it.

• 1:24:48Andrew Santino?

  No, you need some time.

• 1:24:49Speaker 06

  Yeah?

• 1:24:50Andrew Santino?

  Take off. I mean, it all changes depending on your, where you are, but I mean, I don't know, man. I, I don't know.

• 1:24:56Speaker 06

  When you take time.

• 1:24:56Andrew Santino?

  I've been toured all year. I mean, I've done like casinos and one offs.

• 1:24:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:25:00Andrew Santino?

  But that's it. I'm just not touring this year. I felt like not to. I was fucked up. Well, we got the pods and the little thing and I gotta take care of my son and.

• 1:25:06Speaker 06

  You gotta take care of your son. You gotta breastfeed him. Yeah. Got it.

• 1:25:09Andrew Santino?

  Someone hungry?

• 1:25:10Speaker 06

  Someone's hungry.

• 1:25:11Andrew Santino?

  Go to caitlinpeluffo.com. Uh, please go see her. She's, uh, one of the funniest humans alive. Uh, genuinely a sweet, cool, funny human who, uh, is looking for love. So please go to [email protected]. Uh, I'm not kidding. Please email that. Did you get that site?

• 1:25:28Speaker 05

  It's set up.

• 1:25:28Andrew Santino?

  He's got it.

• 1:25:29Speaker 06

  I don't think it's set up.

• 1:25:30Andrew Santino?

  I promise you it is.

• 1:25:31Speaker 05

  Email it.

• 1:25:32Andrew Santino?

  Email it right now.

• 1:25:32Speaker 06

  Do it. No.

• 1:25:34Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:25:34Andrew Santino?

  Okay.

• 1:25:35Speaker 06

  Oh, my God.

• 1:25:36Andrew Santino?

  Go to ilove-

• 1:25:37Speaker 06

  I am so gullible. I can't even handle it.

• 1:25:40Andrew Santino?

  Go to caitlinpeluffo.com and go see her. Uh, we end the show the same way, Caitlin. You say one word or one phrase, uh, to end the show. One word or one phrase. Focus. Focus. Look into that camera. One word or one phrase. Whatever you wanna do, it's gonna end the episode. This is, will be cemented in history forever, whenever you're ready.

• 1:25:59Speaker 06

  Love? LOL?

• 1:26:01Andrew Santino?

  Ah, bueno.

• 1:26:02Speaker 02

  In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.

• 1:26:08Speaker 03

  You with that creature in the ginger beard? Sturdy and ginger. Like their first, the ginger gene is a curse.

• 1:26:14Speaker 04

  Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger? Oh, hell no.

• 1:26:20Speaker 03

  This whiskey is excellent. Ginger. I like gingers.

• 1:26:29Speaker 00

  Need fast hydration for the summer heat? Hydrate your winds with the new Liquid IV Sugar-Free Ring Pop Cherry. It's the classic cherry ring pop flavor you grew up loving, reimagined as a zero sugar hydration mix that's clinically proven to hydrate faster than water alone. Whether you're spending the day in the heat, recovering after a workout, or just looking for an easy afternoon pick me up, Liquid IV makes hydration simple and delicious. Shop LiquidIV.com. Save with their buy three, get one free offer and use promo code POD26. That's P-O-D-two-six. Let's be honest. You don't go to the family holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win.

• 1:27:11Speaker 00

  This year, get a gift that'll cause a stir. A KitchenAid Stand Mixer. It's not just an appliance. It's a present to help them with the making. Year after year, recipe after recipe, you're enabling the family to whip up new traditions. Tis your season to mix it up. Gift a KitchenAid Stand Mixer this year and make more than meals.

• 1:27:33Speaker 04

  Hello, I'm Chris Richards, general manager at Safford Volkswagen Richmond. I'm here to announce an exciting new program that I want you to listen to. Here's my friend Happy.

• 1:27:42Speaker 07

  Hi, I'm Happy Harry Turner, special finance manager at SaffordCredit.com. If you're in an open Chapter 13 bankruptcy, recently filed a Chapter 7, or you've been turned down because of credit challenges, don't give up. For nearly 30 years, I've helped people get reliable transportation when others said no. Visit SaffordCredit.com. Remember, I'm not happy unless you are.