Pod Insights Whiskey Ginger with Andrew Santino Fortune Feimster About this episode Fortune Feimster is comedy’s ultimate ray of sunshine—hilariously self-deprecating, charmingly Southern, and full of heart. From her Netflix specials (Sweet & Salty and Good Fortune) to scene-stealing roles in The Mindy Project and Life in Pieces, Fortune delivers laughs that feel like a warm hug. A podcast host (Sincerely Fortune), writer, and stand-up powerhouse, she turns relatable moments into unforgettable comedy. Whether she’s dishing out family stories or sharing life lessons, Fortune proves laughter is the best way to bring people together.
#fortunefeimster #andrewsantino #whiskeyginger #podcast
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Transcript 16,047 words · 7 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Andrew Santino? What up, whiskey ginger fans? Welcome back to the show. If you're new to the show, welcome to the show. We got a good one for you today, tonight. Tonight, I'm in Philly. Philly! I'm at the Met. Cannot believe it. Thankful so much. Love Philly, man. One of my favorite cities to perform in. Tomorrow, I'm at the Beacon in New York. Then I go back to the West Coast, and I'm gonna do myself San Francisco, San Diego, and Phoenix. San Diego, we added a show. San Francisco, we added a show. Then I go to Boston. I have four shows in Boston. Come see me, Boston, I love you. Then I got four shows in Minneapolis, Minnesota, where I'm shooting my special. Please come on and see your boy. Andrew Santino dot com for those tickets. Andrew Santino dot com.
0:37 Speaker 01 In here, we pour whiskey. Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
0:42 Speaker 02 Who is that creature in the ginger beard?
0:44 Speaker 03 Sturdy and ginger.
0:46 Speaker 04 Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.
0:48 Speaker 05 Gingers are beautiful. You owe me $5 for the whiskey, and $75 for the horse.
0:53 Speaker 03 Ginger's, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.
0:57 Speaker 02 Ginger. I like gingers.
1:01 Andrew Santino? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whiskey Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean it once again today. It is the return of Fortune Feimster!
1:08 Speaker 06 Yeah!
1:09 Andrew Santino? And back in attack. My wife and I watched your special the other night in bed together.
1:13 Speaker 06 Oh, that sounds sexy.
1:14 Andrew Santino? Got us in the mood.
1:15 Speaker 06 Come on now.
1:15 Andrew Santino? Got us in the mood.
1:16 Speaker 06 If I can't...
1:17 Andrew Santino? That suit you're wearing got me in the mood, baby.
1:19 Speaker 06 You're like, "Blah, blah, blah."
1:21 Andrew Santino? No, she was like, "Blah, blah, blah."
1:24 Speaker 06 Wow.
1:24 Andrew Santino? We make different noises.
1:25 Speaker 06 I'm honored.
1:26 Andrew Santino? No, it's great.
1:27 Speaker 06 Thank you.
1:27 Andrew Santino? Fortune Special's out right now on Netflix. Spit the mmm. You're one of the only people that Netflix really wants to continue to do specials with. Everyone else, they're like, "Get out of here."
1:38 Speaker 06 I mean, listen, I'll take it. I've been doing a radio show for them for five years. I don't know if that helps.
1:43 Andrew Santino? No, I think it does.
1:44 Speaker 06 Maybe.
1:44 Andrew Santino? And you're very funny.
1:45 Speaker 06 Thank you.
1:45 Andrew Santino? And you're one of the funniest people I know, genuinely. I've loved you for many, many, many years.
1:49 Speaker 06 Same.
1:50 Andrew Santino? And you don't miss, man. You really... You're so funny. You're just very... You're very in your pocket. Some people know their own voice very well, and you do very much. And that's the last compliment I'll give you.
2:00 Speaker 06 Thank you. I'll take that.
2:01 Andrew Santino? I'm done. Now the criticism.
2:02 Speaker 06 Yeah. Tell me what you didn't like. I mean, I'm super proud of this one. I, like all of us, have torn my ass off, you know? I've done... The last two tours in three years, 100 cities, 150 shows.
2:14 Andrew Santino? Gross. Are we okay? What's wrong with us?
2:16 Speaker 06 We're not okay, no. And so I feel like, you know, I put the work in. I was hoping it would be good enough.
2:24 Andrew Santino? It's good.
2:25 Speaker 06 Uh, thank you.
2:26 Andrew Santino? Yeah, it's good. It's very funny. You must watch it, uh, available on Netflix right now. Actually, all your specials are on Netflix, right?
2:31 Speaker 06 Yeah, they're all there.
2:32 Andrew Santino? How many you have now? Three or four?
2:33 Speaker 06 So if Netflix goes under.
2:35 Andrew Santino? Nah, come on. Two people buy ya. Well, how many are it? Four? Three?
2:40 Speaker 06 Uh, three hours.
2:41 Andrew Santino? Three, yeah, that's what I thought. Did you do another one with Comedy Central?
2:44 Speaker 06 I did a half hour Comedy Central and a half hour with Netflix as well.
2:47 Andrew Santino? Oh, you did the half hours of Netflix?
2:48 Speaker 06 Yeah, I was with Nate Bargatze and Nikki Glaser.
2:51 Andrew Santino? Who's that?
2:52 Speaker 06 I know. That, that small, unknown comic.
2:55 Andrew Santino? No, I do know who they are. I'm not a fan of either of those people, Nate or Nikki. Just awful people. No, that's great, dude. That's a good class.
3:01 Speaker 06 Yeah.
3:02 Andrew Santino? Yeah, no, you, um, you are in the family now with them, which is good because it builds up the library. It only makes people go back to it. You and Papa. Oddly enough. Papa's the same way.
3:10 Speaker 06 But I, you know, I still wanna like live up to that. So this special was in the, like, who's counting? But it was in the top 10 for eight days.
3:18 Andrew Santino? You are.
3:19 Speaker 06 Um, I did count every day.
3:21 Andrew Santino? Where'd you shoot this one?
3:22 Speaker 06 Uh, Seattle, at the, at the Moore.
3:24 Andrew Santino? At the Moore Theater?
3:25 Speaker 06 Yeah.
3:25 Andrew Santino? Love them. Love me some Moore Theater.
3:27 Speaker 06 That made me feel good. So it wasn't like I, like, you know, people actually watched it, which is the hardest part is getting people to actually watch it.
3:34 Andrew Santino? By far the hardest part. Have you ever shot in the South?
3:37 Speaker 06 Yeah, my Sweet and Salty special was in Charlotte, North Carolina.
3:41 Andrew Santino? I mean, the South-South.
3:43 Speaker 06 Oh, like deep south?
3:44 Andrew Santino? Yeah, dude. Get your ass down to Fayetteville and fucking call it a day.
3:48 Speaker 06 No, I haven't done that. It wasn't, it was enough doing it in Charlotte, cause that, that's my home area and everyone was hammered. Everyone, like, there's one guy was just yelling lesbian during my set.
4:02 Andrew Santino? He just learned the word? Bobby, say that, pronounce this for me.
4:06 Speaker 06 I'm just like...
4:07 Andrew Santino? I told you Craig, it's lesbian. Keep being lesbian.
4:11 Speaker 06 I was like, I know this is said with love, this isn't a hate crime, but it's just still, we're recording, I don't need you yelling lesbian.
4:19 Andrew Santino? Yeah, it's a weird heckle.
4:21 Speaker 06 Yeah, I had to stop several times to be like, guys.
4:25 Andrew Santino? What, really?
4:25 Speaker 06 I love you.
4:26 Andrew Santino? You didn't insert it into the special though. No, that never made it.
4:29 Speaker 06 I was like, I love you, I appreciate it, but I do have to film this, so let's all simmer down.
4:36 Andrew Santino? That's like, have you seen, um, on HBO, James, um, I don't know how to say his last name, Acaster, Acaster? James Acaster?
4:43 Speaker 06 No, I haven't seen it.
4:44 Andrew Santino? I'm an idiot. I think it's Acaster. Acaster? Acaster? Yeah, Acaster, he's a British comic.
4:49 Speaker 06 Look at that mustache over there in the corner.
4:50 Andrew Santino? Yeah, he's a pig. Don't give him any compliments. But James, in his HBO special, I watched a little bit of it the other day, and, um, uh, in the first like four minutes, there was like feedback in the mic.
5:00 Speaker 06 Really?
5:01 Andrew Santino? And then he switches to a wired mic, and they left it in the thing, which is kind of fun.
5:04 Speaker 06 Yeah.
5:04 Andrew Santino? Well, his is, his, his, I think the special is called Crowd, Crowd, Heckler's Welcome. Heckler's Welcome. So he wanted it to be kind of fun. Yeah, it was fun. It's like cool and
5:12 Speaker 06 Yeah.
5:13 Andrew Santino? Subversive and wild. He's playing the drums in the first like couple of minutes of it.
5:15 Speaker 06 Oh.
5:16 Andrew Santino? Yeah, it's kind of fun. So it's cool to see what people leave in. Like, I'm filming soon, and, uh,
5:22 Speaker 06 Bing!
5:23 Andrew Santino? And, uh, I'm always curious about like what's gonna be loose and dirty and what's gonna be tight.
5:28 Speaker 06 Where are you filming?
5:29 Andrew Santino? I can't tell you.
5:30 Speaker 06 Oh, it's a secret.
5:31 Andrew Santino? I don't want, I don't want to say.
5:31 Speaker 06 Gotcha.
5:32 Andrew Santino? Yeah, we're gonna make it a little secret. People know.
5:34 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah.
5:34 Andrew Santino? I think people know. I think people have started it.
5:36 Speaker 06 Last one was Cheeseburger.
5:37 Andrew Santino? Cheeseburger, yeah, that one I, uh, that one I filmed in Denver at the Paramount Theater.
5:41 Speaker 06 Yeah. Did you like doing that?
5:42 Andrew Santino? Love Paramount.
5:43 Speaker 06 Yeah.
5:43 Andrew Santino? Do I like doing specials? No, I hate them.
5:45 Speaker 06 No, I mean, the Paramount.
5:46 Andrew Santino? I like everything but recording, because recording is such a weird...
5:49 Speaker 06 It's hard because you're like, you're, the tours are fun, the shows are fun and loose.
5:54 Andrew Santino? And recording is like
5:55 Speaker 06 Yeah, and all of a sudden you're like
5:56 Andrew Santino? This is the people to see. Yeah, it does, I don't know why, I mean, you know, like the jokes are still there that I love, but it does something to your rhythm. It definitely changes the way you present.
6:05 Speaker 06 It just makes it a little stiffer.
6:06 Andrew Santino? Well, people don't know, right? People don't, people do know maybe, I'm not saying that. It's just people don't understand that when you're in your process... You have to think about the way this cuts.
6:15 Speaker 06 Yeah.
6:15 Andrew Santino? So it's like, there's movement that matters, there's rhythm that matters, there's, you know, saying the joke the exact same way does unfortunately matter. And our inherent instinct is to not say things the exact same way.
6:27 Speaker 06 To mess around.
6:28 Andrew Santino? Yeah, so it's a little tougher for us. And, you know, and the fans would be like, well then just do one and done. And you're like, yeah, I can't because sometimes someone yells lesbian in the middle of my show.
6:36 Speaker 06 Yeah.
6:37 Andrew Santino? And that happens more to me than you.
6:38 Speaker 06 That does happen to you a lot.
6:40 Andrew Santino? You dumb redheaded lesbian, you lesbian, look at this big ginger lesbian. Now, I thought, people yell out, they ruin shit, it's a part of it.
6:48 Speaker 06 Is it a wild, a wilder audience when you and Bobby are out there together?
6:53 Andrew Santino? Yeah, dude, he shows his butthole.
6:55 Speaker 06 That feels like insane, right?
6:56 Andrew Santino? Yeah, it's absurd. It's, it actually is, it's calm, it's calmed down, I think the beginning of the tour when we did it was absurd. I mean, we had guys throwing up in Philly and Baltimore. We had, we had people get kicked out.
7:07 Speaker 03 We just had stage jumpers, though.
7:08 Andrew Santino? Huh?
7:09 Speaker 06 Stage jumpers?
7:09 Andrew Santino? We had one guy, yeah, we had a couple, we had a guy jump on the stage, yeah, we did that. And the security, lightning fast, they got, they got up on stage after the guy, maybe a minute and a half or two minutes later. I mean, he could have stabbed us to death.
7:19 Speaker 06 Yeah, I was like, you're dead at this point.
7:20 Andrew Santino? Yeah, he had a full minute to just hang out. And then we looked at the security like, what's up? What's up? And they were like, alright. And then they climbed on, I was like, this is definitely not part of the show.
7:29 Speaker 06 Oh, man, it's wild. I had someone that was like passed out before a show, and I guess in some sort of induced situation. And she came to during my opener set and was kind of like, where am I? And was like freaking out, so she charged the stage.
7:46 Andrew Santino? Oh shit.
7:47 Speaker 06 And like went for the speaker to like throw it off. And so two le- two lesbians in the front row see that the security guard is just like chilling, watching this. And that, so they jump up and try to grab her and she's swinging.
8:00 Andrew Santino? Oh, it's a full on fight.
8:01 Speaker 06 It was wild.
8:03 Andrew Santino? That's great.
8:03 Speaker 06 In Wisconsin.
8:04 Andrew Santino? Oh, yeah, that makes sense.
8:05 Speaker 06 Right, so.
8:07 Andrew Santino? You have all that cheese in you. All that dairy's gonna bubble up some anger at some point.
8:10 Speaker 06 Yeah, and that brandy old fashioned.
8:12 Andrew Santino? Yeah, that's exactly right.
8:13 Speaker 06 Tastes like Christmas.
8:15 Andrew Santino? All that brandy. They love brandy up there.
8:17 Speaker 06 Love it.
8:17 Andrew Santino? Yeah, because I'm from Chicago and Wisconsin has a particular, they have a particular way of eating. And drinking that is unmatched. I don't know if any city can out eat and out drink Wisconsin. They lead the country in DUIs. I do know that's.
8:30 Speaker 06 Oh, I didn't know that.
8:32 Andrew Santino? Yeah, and also, also, they don't have a limit. You know, we have a three-strike law here in California. If you have three DUIs, your license is indefinitely suspended. You, what you have to do is you have to go to court to like. Try to get it back.
8:45 Speaker 06 I'm sorry.
8:46 Andrew Santino? There's a woman in Wisconsin who has the most DUIs. I think there's one woman who has like eighteen DUIs in Wisconsin.
8:51 Speaker 06 She needs to start taking the bus.
8:53 Andrew Santino? Oh, no, Guinness called her up and was like, look, dude, this is impressive.
8:56 Speaker 06 That's too much.
8:57 Andrew Santino? She has the most, and she, in one point, I think one of the women up there blew the highest BAC they've ever recorded. Yeah, you know how Florida man?
9:05 Speaker 06 What's happening in Wisconsin?
9:07 Andrew Santino? Well, they're running away from these guys. They're just trying to drink themselves out of these.
9:12 Andrew Santino? What does it say?
9:13 Speaker 03 There's actually a guy named, from South Dakota, named Jerry Zeller. Who had more than thirty DUIs.
9:19 Andrew Santino? Thirty in South Dakota.
9:21 Speaker 03 Was not killed by alcohol, but by a cigarette that started a fire in his house.
9:25 Speaker 06 Oh, wait, he did die?
9:27 Andrew Santino? Well, yeah, dude, he's, I mean, after thirty?
9:29 Speaker 06 He had it coming, for sure.
9:30 Andrew Santino? He fell asleep with a cigarette in his mouth, which, by the way, that was the product of alcohol, so incorrect. He didn't die directly from alcohol. But smoking in bed is a huge, huge problem. That's funny how many houses set on fire from people smoking in bed.
9:41 Speaker 06 Yeah, don't do that.
9:44 Andrew Santino? You need it that bad? What's your bad vice? You have any bad vices?
9:47 Speaker 06 Food, for sure.
9:48 Andrew Santino? Yeah, but I mean, everybody loves food. Do you have anything that's like? Do you have anything that's like?
9:53 Speaker 06 I feel like food is bad enough for me that if I, I don't want to add like drugs also.
9:58 Andrew Santino? Yeah, right.
9:58 Speaker 06 Uh, I remember, I think it was Tom Arnold that said about Farley. Like, you can either be fat or do drugs, but you can't do both.
10:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's actually really smart.
10:08 Speaker 06 I picked cake.
10:11 Andrew Santino? Cake is close to heroin. By the way, I'd rather eat a full cake than have, than have a OxyContin because cake is.
10:19 Speaker 06 I picked my lane, bud.
10:22 Andrew Santino? You gotta stay in it.
10:23 Speaker 06 Fucking food, dude.
10:24 Andrew Santino? What's your sucker food then? What's the one that's hard to say no?
10:26 Speaker 06 I mean, sugar is a, a big one for me.
10:28 Andrew Santino? But it comes in all forms, or is there one way that you like to take it?
10:30 Speaker 06 Um, like, I, I don't mind, like, a dessert after every meal.
10:35 Andrew Santino? Yeah, me too. Well, I'm a cookie monster.
10:37 Speaker 06 And I'm like, why am I doing this?
10:40 Andrew Santino? Yeah, but you deserve a treat. You work hard.
10:42 Speaker 06 I know, that, that's my problem. I was like, I deserve a treat.
10:47 Andrew Santino? I'm a cookie monster. I can't avoid. Cookies are so hard for me to say no. I can say no to most things.
10:51 Speaker 06 Yeah.
10:51 Andrew Santino? But like if we make cookies at the house, I'm gonna eat the whole fucking thing.
10:54 Speaker 06 That's it, yeah.
10:54 Andrew Santino? Yeah, they're just too good.
10:55 Speaker 06 But also my metabolism does suck ass. It is a genetic thing as well because I don't eat nearly as much as other people that are tiny.
11:04 Andrew Santino? Yeah, like your wife eats probably more than you and...
11:06 Speaker 06 Yeah, and I, and I'm just, it just stays on me.
11:10 Andrew Santino? Yeah, whatever. Who gives a shit?
11:12 Speaker 06 Yeah.
11:12 Andrew Santino? Honestly, who gives a shit? You are.
11:15 Speaker 06 That's why I worked hard on my personality.
11:18 Andrew Santino? Same dude.
11:18 Speaker 06 So I didn't have to go to the gym.
11:19 Andrew Santino? I was gonna get rid of this red hair. I was like, I gotta really have something else going for me, dude. You can't be orange and boring. You gotta have some kinda jazz.
11:28 Speaker 06 See, you got a great personality.
11:30 Andrew Santino? Yeah dude, you gotta have some. What did we find about Wisconsin? Did that woman that came up, or how many DUIs? So Zeller was the most with thirty.
11:36 Speaker 03 Jerry Zeller is the guy that keeps coming up.
11:38 Speaker 06 Jerry.
11:39 Andrew Santino? Wow, good for Jay-Z. Oh, shouldn't mention that. Sorry about that.
11:44 Speaker 06 I love it.
11:45 Andrew Santino? Jay-Z, whoa, no. That's cra-
11:47 Speaker 03 But all these are Midwest. All these are like-
11:49 Andrew Santino? All Midwest people, yeah. That's how we roll.
11:51 Speaker 06 They like to drink. My wife lived in Chicago. And, uh, yeah, she's, she's like, no one in LA drinks that much.
11:58 Andrew Santino? Well, yeah, they do.
11:59 Speaker 06 They're like weed people here.
12:00 Andrew Santino? This is weed culture, but they also, in LA, they're binge drinkers.
12:04 Speaker 06 Mmm.
12:04 Andrew Santino? These are weekend warriors that go out and they get hammered on Friday, Saturday night. But in the Midwest, you drink pretty consistently all week long.
12:11 Speaker 06 Every, yeah, every day.
12:12 Andrew Santino? And then on Saturday, you have an extra case of beer.
12:15 Speaker 06 And bar culture is popular in like Chicago, right?
12:18 Andrew Santino? It's the best, dude.
12:19 Speaker 06 That's like where you go to hang.
12:20 Andrew Santino? Yeah, because honestly, in a sh- it's the same thing in New York. Everything east of the Mississippi, truly. Because the weather's too good here, it doesn't matter.
12:28 Speaker 06 Yeah, you're outside in parks and stuff.
12:29 Andrew Santino? If it's shitty weather, you wanna bond over the, a, a, a long, cold workday. It's dark by four.
12:35 Speaker 06 Yep.
12:36 Andrew Santino? You're sad. So you get out of wo- you go to work when it's dark, you get out of work, it's dark.
12:40 Speaker 06 Mmm.
12:40 Andrew Santino? You're miserable.
12:41 Speaker 06 I couldn't do that.
12:42 Andrew Santino? Let's go drink.
12:43 Speaker 06 I'd be depressed.
12:44 Andrew Santino? Not if you drink.
12:45 Speaker 06 Really?
12:46 Andrew Santino? Yeah, man.
12:46 Speaker 06 That doesn't make it worse?
12:47 Andrew Santino? Well, cause you show up to the bar, your friends are there. People, you know, the locals are there. There's darts, there's pool, there's a game on. There's a community that, that we don't have on the west because we're spoiled with weather. I can sit on my patio today.
13:00 Speaker 06 Do you ever miss living in the Midwest?
13:02 Andrew Santino? A hundred percent. I don't miss like the killing and the robbing. I don't miss any of that stuff in Chicago.
13:05 Speaker 06 And the coldness?
13:07 Andrew Santino? I don't miss the, I don't miss, here, here's the thing. Cold doesn't bother me.
13:10 Speaker 06 Really?
13:10 Andrew Santino? There's only one element that bothers me.
13:12 Speaker 06 What?
13:12 Andrew Santino? Wind.
13:13 Speaker 06 Wind is tough.
13:14 Andrew Santino? Get the fuck out of here, wind. Wind sucks. Freezing cold, way too hot, fine. Rain, fine. Wind is, is just, it's, you cannot, you're uncomfortable.
13:26 Speaker 06 Right.
13:26 Andrew Santino? You feel cold and wet, even though if it's not raining, cause the wind makes you feel wet for some reason.
13:32 Speaker 06 And it's like a cold to the bone.
13:34 Andrew Santino? Yeah, ruins your, it hurts your soul.
13:36 Speaker 06 Mm-hmm.
13:36 Andrew Santino? Your little guy inside you is just like, come on, will ya?
13:39 Speaker 06 I get that. Jack's missing Chicago and wants to spend a little bit more time there, but...
13:43 Andrew Santino? Really? You gonna like get a place back there?
13:44 Speaker 06 Maybe. Like, but not like for full time.
13:47 Andrew Santino? If you guys do, we will. How about that?
13:49 Speaker 06 Alright.
13:49 Andrew Santino? Let's split a place. You wanna, you wanna get a place there?
13:51 Speaker 06 Or duplex.
13:52 Andrew Santino? Yeah, I'm down dude. Let's do it. We'll make a sitcom out of that.
13:54 Speaker 06 I love it. Come on, I got a door.
13:59 Andrew Santino? I walk in on you brushing your teeth, like, whoa, that's your opening? No, I think, I would love to go back. I love Chicago so much. It's just, it's hard because this is where we are, this is where we're doing all the stuff.
14:11 Speaker 06 Yeah. I know, and then there's like, like even this week, all these, these fun events have popped up and, you know.
14:17 Andrew Santino? But it would happen in Chicago, maybe.
14:19 Speaker 06 Yeah, just not like, from like the business perspective.
14:23 Andrew Santino? How am I gonna go to Burt's house and, you know, from Chicago?
14:26 Speaker 06 How are you gonna do that?
14:27 Andrew Santino? And see you there and pet one of his nine horse dogs? I don't know if people know, you've seen, Burt, Burt Kreischer has literal horse dogs.
14:34 Speaker 06 Big dogs.
14:35 Andrew Santino? Dogs that are, one of the dogs sat next to Steve Lee, Bobby's brother, and it was larger than him. And, literally. I think the dog, Steve weighed a hundred and like forty-six and the dog was like one fifty-eight.
14:45 Speaker 06 Oh my god. Yeah, we went to Burt's, uh, like a little dinner party for Burt.
14:50 Andrew Santino? It was really nice. A little birthday dinner party. It was nice.
14:52 Speaker 06 And he was like, I can't believe that my friends came and I didn't have to pay them to be here.
14:56 Andrew Santino? He did pay me. He didn't pay you?
14:58 Speaker 06 You could have been though. Yeah.
15:00 Andrew Santino? Yeah, I did. Well, I requested. I was like, Leanne, come on, click, click.
15:03 Speaker 06 You're like, I'm not showing up for that.
15:04 Andrew Santino? No, not showing up. Not showing up without that paper. No.
15:07 Speaker 06 It was kinda wild to see like comedians on like a Monday night, just chilling.
15:12 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
15:12 Speaker 06 Not like doing bits and not trying to...
15:15 Andrew Santino? Well, nobody there was funny. That was part of the big problem.
15:17 Speaker 06 Yeah, that...
15:19 Speaker 06 That was one part.
15:20 Andrew Santino? No, it was really nice to have like a... Well, it's also because everyone there, I think you reach a certain age in comedy too, where you also wanna feel human.
15:27 Speaker 06 Yeah.
15:28 Andrew Santino? So you wanna do these like human things, like go hang out with people, have a nice dinner and just chat about the life in the world.
15:33 Speaker 06 Yeah.
15:33 Andrew Santino? Instead of our first 20 years in comedy is like, hey, everyone's non-stop.
15:38 Speaker 06 Yeah, that's where my wife has gotten to of just like, can we like have friends and do social things?
15:44 Andrew Santino? Do normal shit?
15:45 Speaker 06 Have balance. I was like, yeah.
15:47 Andrew Santino? When you're not on tour.
15:48 Speaker 06 We can work on that.
15:50 Andrew Santino? We'll try. Are you, wait, are you on tour now? Are you on a break?
15:53 Speaker 06 I'm on a little break. I'll be writing this next hour. I'll do like, I do like, uh, club dates from, uh, like around California, like...
16:03 Andrew Santino? Irvine and...
16:03 Speaker 06 Pasadena, Irvine, Ontario, Oxnard, places like that, Huntsville, Alabama. Where I can just like work on it and not feel that pressure.
16:13 Andrew Santino? You do like a whole weekend or one show?
16:15 Speaker 06 Yeah, I'll do a whole weekend, just to build it over the weekend. And then I'll start my new tour, Taking Care of Biscuits, uh, in April.
16:23 Andrew Santino? That's fucking great. Now, do you always name the special after the tour?
16:26 Speaker 06 Nope, never.
16:27 Andrew Santino? See, me too. I don't know, I don't get it. I don't know why it matters.
16:29 Speaker 06 I don't know far enough in advance what it's gonna be about.
16:32 Andrew Santino? I don't know that. I'm not a soothsayer.
16:35 Speaker 06 They wanted it to go on sale now with my special and I'm like, well, I don't know what my next hour is, so I just had to come, what's a fun name?
16:42 Andrew Santino? Taking Care of Biscuits is great.
16:43 Speaker 06 Taking Care of Biscuits.
16:45 Andrew Santino? I think that's really, really good. I mean, the only, the, the best special tour na- uh, special names, uh, sorry, tour names, that I've seen in a while, Segura has been on fire because he does, uh, Coming Everywhere.
16:56 Speaker 06 Yeah, that's on brand for him.
16:58 Andrew Santino? Coming to you, coming all over you guys.
17:01 Andrew Santino? It's such a good, it's like so good. I'm Coming Everywhere, I think was the first one.
17:05 Speaker 06 It's whatever, I think of like whatever's gonna... It's gonna be fun on a T-shirt.
17:09 Andrew Santino? Sure.
17:10 Speaker 06 On a tour shirt.
17:10 Andrew Santino? Sure.
17:10 Speaker 06 You know?
17:11 Andrew Santino? Yeah, that makes sense.
17:11 Speaker 06 That's kinda where I've.
17:12 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
17:13 Speaker 06 But, but I, yeah, I don't even, I don't even think about the special name until like Netflix is like, it's due in two weeks.
17:20 Andrew Santino? Right.
17:21 Speaker 06 What is the name of this? And I'm like, oh my god, it's so hard to come up with it.
17:25 Andrew Santino? Well, your original title for this one was Hitler Didn't Do It. Wasn't that the original one?
17:28 Speaker 06 It did not.
17:29 Andrew Santino? Why did they say no?
17:30 Speaker 06 Pass standards and practices.
17:32 Andrew Santino? I don't know if we can sell this, Fortune.
17:35 Speaker 06 Yeah, they're like, that doesn't seem a brand for you.
17:38 Andrew Santino? Have you ever played with your name? Have you ever had a special with your name?
17:41 Speaker 06 Yeah, my last one, Good Fortune.
17:42 Andrew Santino? Good Fortune, that's right.
17:43 Speaker 06 Um, and it was, it's just cause nothing.
17:46 Andrew Santino? I was thinking more of Feimster, but yeah.
17:48 Speaker 06 Yeah, nothing came for, yeah, the name no one can spell. Um, it's just that nothing beat it, you know what I mean?
17:55 Andrew Santino? Good Fortune, yeah.
17:56 Speaker 06 And I, and, and no story was, like Sweet and Salty, I had a bit in the special with that in it.
18:01 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
18:02 Speaker 06 And Crushing It is, uh, because the victory is, involves a crushed ice machine.
18:07 Andrew Santino? Hmm.
18:08 Speaker 06 I always like to have a victory in my specials.
18:11 Andrew Santino? Oh, that's good.
18:12 Speaker 06 Where I've earned something at the end of it.
18:14 Andrew Santino? Do you write your, do you write your closing joke first? You know, a lot of people like that. Yeah, a lot of people do this thing where they try to find the close first and then go backwards.
18:22 Speaker 06 No, I, I really don't know what is a proper close anymore because in a theater, the closer you build to it, right? It's like, here's the.
18:32 Andrew Santino? Ramp it up, yeah.
18:33 Speaker 06 And then on Netflix, they're like, best stuff up front. And you're like, oh, okay.
18:38 Andrew Santino? I kind of agree though, cause if finishing a special doesn't matter anymore, people usually eat things in chunks.
18:42 Speaker 06 Yeah.
18:43 Andrew Santino? So whatever, I think you just put it where it needs to go.
18:45 Speaker 06 I put it where it needs to go because the, the bit that everyone keeps writing me about is about my mom in a cemetery and falling, falling in a cemetery. And it's, it's like thirty-eight minutes in or something.
18:57 Andrew Santino? Oh, wow.
18:58 Speaker 06 So I don't even think about that stuff.
19:00 Andrew Santino? And who cares? People will watch it because you're so watchable that people are gonna, I referenced you the other day, uh, cause I was speaking about you coming on the show and I had said, Fahim and I talk a lot about, um, about comedy and we were with Dustin Nickerson and I said, uh,
19:16 Andrew Santino? A lot of people are very funny, but comedy, the true root of it is how it looks coming out of your face.
19:23 Speaker 06 Yeah.
19:24 Andrew Santino? Fahim and I always say that. What does it look like coming out of your face?
19:26 Speaker 06 Mm-hmm.
19:27 Andrew Santino? Because your joke probably won't work coming out of my face. I mean culturally, obviously not. But I mean, like even me and another comic that are closer in style, it's how it looked coming out of your face.
19:36 Speaker 06 Yeah.
19:37 Andrew Santino? And your face matters, but like you are, the way you present your material is just as fun and funny as the material. Which I think is the goal.
19:45 Speaker 06 Yeah.
19:46 Andrew Santino? For all comics to be like, do I like watching this person say it?
19:48 Speaker 06 To be entertaining.
19:50 Andrew Santino? Yeah, because there's comics that write funny stuff that I don't, I don't know if I care about watching them.
19:54 Speaker 06 I'm always shocked by, there's a number of stand-up comedians who are pretty brilliant and then they're not funny in real life.
20:00 Andrew Santino? Yeah, well, that's, yeah.
20:01 Speaker 06 And you're like, what is this?
20:03 Andrew Santino? Yeah. You can go ahead and start saying some names. Say some names.
20:06 Speaker 06 Let me just burn the house down right now.
20:09 Andrew Santino? Go ahead.
20:12 Speaker 06 Because by nature, a lot of stand-ups are neurotic, you know? So those neuroses show in everyday life when they're, when you're seeing them try to interact with people and be social.
20:21 Andrew Santino? Yeah, well, or they don't interact at all. They're very like, uh... And I understand we all have our days, but there's a couple of people that are very inward and do not want to talk to anybody.
20:31 Speaker 06 Yeah, and you know, it's so, stand-up, everyone just assumes it's the funniest person. I'm like, it's not necessarily the funniest person, it's who can craft a story and spit it back out to you.
20:40 Andrew Santino? It's definitely not the funniest person.
20:41 Speaker 06 No.
20:42 Andrew Santino? Growing up, I have some unbelievably funny people in my life, but they're also loose cannons.
20:47 Speaker 06 Well, if you, yeah.
20:48 Andrew Santino? Could they get it together? No.
20:49 Speaker 06 You could get up there and write something, they'd be like, no, absolutely not.
20:52 Andrew Santino? No, no, no. They're just loose and falling apart in front of our face and it's nice to watch.
20:56 Speaker 06 So part of, part of the job is the writing, the, a big part of the job is the writing.
21:00 Andrew Santino? The presentation. I think you constructing your, your being is, is just as important that people, you know, that when you're young and someone's like, find your voice.
21:09 Speaker 06 Right.
21:10 Andrew Santino? And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about? And then you realize, oh, it's me as a, as a performance entity.
21:15 Speaker 06 Yeah.
21:16 Andrew Santino? That's what it really is. It's like, how do I look, how do I create this aura of person to give to them?
21:21 Speaker 06 Yeah. It is fun though to watch like, at least the people in our age group that have come up, like seeing everyone evolve into the comics they are, that is cool.
21:32 Andrew Santino? It is kinda cool.
21:33 Speaker 06 To watch.
21:33 Andrew Santino? Yeah, no, it is kinda beautiful to watch.
21:35 Speaker 06 Yeah.
21:35 Andrew Santino? And it's, and it's interesting to see certain people that went higher than I ever thought.
21:38 Speaker 06 Mm-hmm.
21:39 Andrew Santino? And it's funny to see people that went lower. I knew where I was coming. We'll put up a list. No, no, no, don't.
21:46 Speaker 06 Here's our PowerPoint.
21:48 Andrew Santino? Whenever I say put up a list, my editor Joe will put up a list of people and I'm like, no, no, don't do that. They're gonna think that's me. They're gonna think I did that.
21:56 Speaker 01 In here, we pour whiskey.
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25:21 Andrew Santino? The world is coming to a close pretty soon. I do feel like we're reaching our-
25:23 Speaker 06 It's all, it's all over.
25:24 Andrew Santino? I do feel like we're reaching our critical mass. You don't think so? I think this is it.
25:28 Speaker 06 This is why I'm not having kids.
25:29 Andrew Santino? Yeah, same. High five.
25:31 Speaker 06 Boom!
25:31 Andrew Santino? It does feel like, um, something's a-bubbling.
25:34 Speaker 06 Yeah.
25:35 Andrew Santino? I feel just like the world, the tension of the world is about to crack.
25:38 Speaker 06 Like, like we're a bottle that's being shaken and we're about...
25:41 Andrew Santino? Yeah, it's about to explode.
25:42 Speaker 06 Yeah.
25:43 Andrew Santino? Or really, if you really want a more literal metaphor, we're, we're just one of those musket guns they packed so tight with all that shit. They're like, "Well, I gotta shoot it eventually."
25:50 Speaker 06 Yeah.
25:51 Andrew Santino? "I can't keep putting gunpowder in here."
25:52 Speaker 06 Thank you for a musket reference.
25:53 Andrew Santino? Yeah, well, you love muskets. I know you used to collect them. My little musket friend.
25:57 Speaker 06 I was just, all of a sudden, get out my three muskets.
26:01 Andrew Santino? No, but the gun thing is like, I feel like we're, I mean, I'm referencing, of course, this guy shooting this dude in midtown Manhattan and just like,
26:07 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah.
26:08 Andrew Santino? People are, I feel like this might be the future. People are gonna be like, you know what? I'm just gonna go kill somebody.
26:13 Speaker 06 It's wild. And then TikTok's like, writing songs about it. It's like, what the fuck?
26:18 Andrew Santino? TikTok's like, this guy's a hero, dude. We can't stop talking about Luigi. He's on, he's just on my tongue.
26:23 Speaker 06 Luigi.
26:24 Andrew Santino? Mengione. I mean, the name is great, the, he's handsome. He will be cemented in history as like this guy that started a revolution. Now, whether or not other people start following suit and play, what do they call it when, when serial killers do that? Copycat? Copycat, yeah. I don't know if it's gonna happen, but I gotta tell you, it sure does feel like it.
26:41 Speaker 06 I don't know.
26:42 Andrew Santino? It feels like a har, an Ivy League kid did influence non-Ivy League people to maybe take up arms.
26:49 Speaker 06 I think he, didn't he have like, read a manifesto of like the Unabomber or something?
26:53 Andrew Santino? Oh, I don't know. Is that true?
26:54 Speaker 06 So he was influenced.
26:55 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
26:56 Speaker 06 In some capacity.
26:57 Andrew Santino? Unabomber, great dude.
26:58 Speaker 06 Not a great dude. Not a great dude.
27:01 Andrew Santino? Terrible guy.
27:02 Speaker 06 Terrible guy.
27:03 Andrew Santino? Terrible guy. Anybody that kills at random, bad people. Bad people. Don't kill people, man, please.
27:08 Speaker 06 We're just here to spread positivity.
27:09 Andrew Santino? Well, we're just trying, look, all we're trying to do is make people feel good. And then the irony is that people, when they're angry, take it out on us. They're like, shut up, clown.
27:16 Speaker 06 I know that. People get very angry at happy people.
27:19 Andrew Santino? It's weird, dude. It's so weird. What do you have, the manifesto? Is that true?
27:23 Speaker 06 I think someone told me I looked like a penis. I, in my...
27:26 Andrew Santino? A penis?
27:27 Speaker 06 Yeah, cuz I had a pink suit on. And I was like, listen, I'd love to be able to confirm or deny, but I'm not very familiar with penises.
27:34 Andrew Santino? Pink would be more vagina than penis, to be honest with you, yeah. My penis isn't really pink.
27:38 Speaker 06 It's not pink?
27:39 Andrew Santino? What color's my penis?
27:40 Speaker 06 Yeah, you know.
27:41 Andrew Santino? McCone, you know better than anybody. What color is it?
27:44 Speaker 06 Red.
27:45 Andrew Santino? It definitely has more red tone to it, yeah. You know what it is. Well, I guess you can't really look down when it's in your mouth.
27:51 Speaker 06 Dude, guys. God dang it. Do you guys just walk around?
27:57 Andrew Santino? Thinking about our penises all day?
27:59 Speaker 06 No, like seeing each other's stuff.
28:00 Andrew Santino? We see, okay, so when we're young, there is a critical moment in a young man's life when you see your father's penis. And that does something to you. Like, what is it like when you see your mom naked when you're a kid?
28:10 Speaker 06 Mmm, it's the boobs you see.
28:12 Andrew Santino? As a woman, you're, as a young woman, you're like, oh wow.
28:14 Speaker 06 Oh, what are those things?
28:15 Andrew Santino? Interesting.
28:15 Speaker 06 Yeah, but we don't really pay attention, I think, to the badge.
28:19 Andrew Santino? Well, yeah, because it doesn't stick out.
28:20 Speaker 06 Yeah.
28:20 Andrew Santino? Right, you don't, of course not. It's not an outie.
28:22 Speaker 06 It's whatever's hanging in.
28:23 Andrew Santino? It's an innie.
28:23 Speaker 06 Hanging on the body.
28:24 Andrew Santino? Yeah, whatever's hanging off. If it's a hanger, you're gonna look.
28:26 Speaker 06 Unless it's abnormally large.
28:28 Andrew Santino? Mom!
28:28 Speaker 06 Whoa, look at that.
28:29 Andrew Santino? Look at those curtains.
28:32 Andrew Santino? No, so when you see your dad's penis as a child, it does something to you mentally.
28:35 Speaker 06 Cause you're like, is mine supposed to look like that?
28:37 Andrew Santino? I hope mine gets that big one day.
28:39 Speaker 06 Right, right.
28:39 Andrew Santino? Cause you see it when you're a young boy and you're like, oh my god, that's what a penis looks like?
28:43 Speaker 06 Yeah.
28:43 Andrew Santino? Cause yours is so small when you're a kid. And then you're just like, Jesus, I hope it grows. And then there is a lot of relief when you get older.
28:51 Speaker 06 When it does happen.
28:52 Andrew Santino? But it is a weird thing when you're a young boy and you see your dad naked. Cause dads are always really kind of, especially Midwest dads, they're just so free with the nudity.
29:00 Speaker 06 Really?
29:00 Andrew Santino? Midwest dads will walk around with their balls. Yeah, it just doesn't matter to a Midwest dad. I mean, that's how it was for us.
29:04 Speaker 06 Okay.
29:05 Andrew Santino? You see your dad, you're gonna see him, yeah, that's what I mean.
29:07 Speaker 06 Yeah.
29:08 Andrew Santino? And it's just kinda like a, dad's in his underwear on the couch, his balls might slip out of the underwear.
29:13 Speaker 06 Right, yeah, my dad was free balling at times.
29:15 Andrew Santino? Yeah, that's what I'm saying, yeah.
29:16 Speaker 06 That was back in the day when you'd take the pictures and had to take him to like Sam's Club or whatever. And get him back a week later. So I remember my mom took all these pictures all week and my dad was, I think, going through a midlife crisis. So he was free balling up a storm.
29:30 Andrew Santino? Hell yeah.
29:30 Speaker 06 And we were taking family pictures and she gets him back a week later and she's like, Mike! What? And his balls are just hanging out of like every picture.
29:40 Andrew Santino? Dude, shout out Mike and his big balls. Shout out Mike and his big, beautiful balls.
29:44 Speaker 06 And he's like, what?
29:45 Andrew Santino? Let them nuts hang, dude.
29:46 Speaker 06 We're on the beach. Like literally every picture.
29:52 Andrew Santino? Every family photo?
29:53 Speaker 06 He's on the banister, sitting on the banister.
29:58 Andrew Santino? Imagine he's on the banister, one nut on one side, one on the other. Mike, you're straddling the banister.
30:02 Speaker 06 Just hearing her get so, like, Mike.
30:05 Andrew Santino? I do love that, though. That's a dad, let a dad live.
30:07 Speaker 06 Yeah.
30:08 Andrew Santino? So, yeah, when you see that as a young man, it does kind of make you, it's volun- it's a little insecure vulnerability when you're very young. You know, if you're like, when you're like eight, nine years old, you're like, Jesus Christ.
30:17 Speaker 06 Right.
30:18 Andrew Santino? What is that about? And then...
30:19 Speaker 06 As you get older?
30:20 Andrew Santino? Well, no, and then you get older, you only see penises in the locker rooms.
30:23 Speaker 06 Uh huh.
30:24 Andrew Santino? If you play sports. And then...
30:26 Speaker 06 It's more like a high school thing.
30:27 Andrew Santino? Yeah, high school, then after that, you really don't.
30:30 Speaker 06 Not really.
30:30 Andrew Santino? Unless...
30:31 Speaker 06 Unless you're pe- you're peeking at the urinal.
30:34 Andrew Santino? Not really, no one really does that.
30:35 Speaker 06 That's bad etiquette, right? Can't be like this.
30:38 Andrew Santino? Everyone, no one really does that. I will say, um, I will say sometimes, if I'm at a urinal,
30:45 Speaker 06 Mm-hmm.
30:45 Andrew Santino? Um, and I'm, you know, next to like the small one, you know, there's like a low one, there's always a low one, a little kid comes in there, I will show him. I go, this is what it's supposed to look like.
30:52 Speaker 06 Oh, my god, no.
30:54 Andrew Santino? Kidding. Fortune, Jesus Christ.
30:56 Speaker 06 Good lord.
30:56 Andrew Santino? No, no, no, I don't, we never... No, no, no, no, no. In the urinals, though, you kind of have horse blinders on. It is weird. You almost, you just don't even... Yeah, you can't. There is always a wall, but you can't see, because you're kind of so...
31:10 Speaker 06 You just know to look forward.
31:11 Andrew Santino? Or down. We, a lot of us look at ourself.
31:13 Speaker 06 Really?
31:13 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
31:14 Speaker 03 There's not always a wall, though. Sometimes they have a trough.
31:16 Speaker 06 Oh, my god.
31:17 Andrew Santino? Yeah, trough at sporting events is kind of weird. Then you're really looking at someone else's wiener.
31:20 Speaker 06 And then you're spraying on each other, right?
31:21 Speaker 03 You're spraying everywhere.
31:22 Andrew Santino? Everywhere, yeah. It's supposed to.
31:24 Speaker 06 Disgus- it's so disgusting.
31:25 Andrew Santino? It is so disgusting. It really is.
31:27 Speaker 06 I don't give a shit.
31:28 Andrew Santino? Well, they should have a hose, vroom, that sucks up to it.
31:30 Speaker 06 Yeah.
31:31 Andrew Santino? That just, vroom, sucks around. I would rather that.
31:34 Speaker 06 That's coming, bud.
31:36 Andrew Santino? I hope so, dude. Fingers crossed.
31:38 Speaker 06 AI, get on it.
31:39 Andrew Santino? You just get it, well, it should be at your seat at a sporting event. You don't have to leave. You just hook up a, vroom, hook up a hose. Yeah, same thing for women. Just have a little, like, a crotch brace. You hit a button.
31:51 Speaker 06 I have a couple of friends that can pee, girls who can pee into a bottle, driving. There's no way.
31:58 Andrew Santino? Whoa.
31:59 Speaker 06 Pee all over myself.
32:00 Andrew Santino? Driving?
32:01 Speaker 06 Yeah.
32:01 Andrew Santino? Dude, I've got a hose and it's hard for me. I've done it and it's hard.
32:05 Speaker 06 I don't know how they do that.
32:06 Andrew Santino? It's really hard to pee in a bottle.
32:07 Speaker 06 Just shove it up.
32:08 Andrew Santino? While you're driving? Although, shout out to Gatorade, they made the mouth all bigger. Those are-
32:11 Speaker 06 Shout out.
32:12 Andrew Santino? Gatorades are ways you're gonna pee into. A regular water bottle is so hard, like that is so hard to pee into.
32:17 Speaker 06 This is small.
32:18 Andrew Santino? That's, it's just, you're, you have to, you have to get it right. It's gonna spill.
32:21 Speaker 06 Let's see.
32:22 Andrew Santino? Yeah. Do it! I peed in a water bottle on a road trip.
32:27 Speaker 06 I'm gonna drink this water first.
32:28 Andrew Santino? Yeah, and then I'll pee in it. And then, but only drink it halfway.
32:33 Andrew Santino? No, only, only once in a while do I, have I resorted to that. Pretty rarely. On the way to Vegas one time, my buddy was like, "We're not stopping."
32:40 Speaker 06 Which is crazy. What, what are you trying to get to Vegas for?
32:43 Andrew Santino? And it's five minutes. Like, what, what really could we lose?
32:45 Speaker 06 Nothing happens till midnight anyway.
32:47 Andrew Santino? Like, have you ever-
32:48 Speaker 06 You go to a nice steak dinner?
32:49 Andrew Santino? Well, yeah, actually, I am, yeah. Have you ever been on a, have you ever been on the road, like, traveling on the road, driving from city to city? And you see, you pass like a, you pass a car or a truck? And then you get off at an exit for gas?
33:00 Speaker 06 And they're there?
33:00 Andrew Santino? And then you get, no, you get back on and then twenty minutes later, you pass that same car again. You're like, "I didn't lose any time at all."
33:06 Speaker 06 Yeah.
33:06 Andrew Santino? I just beat that guy twice.
33:08 Speaker 06 That's always nice.
33:08 Andrew Santino? I love that feeling. There's something about it, you're like, "There it is."
33:12 Speaker 06 That's it.
33:12 Andrew Santino? That, "We passed that truck when we got off, so we didn't lose a dime of time."
33:15 Speaker 06 No time wasted.
33:16 Andrew Santino? I think you think you lose ti, lose time on the road, but you don't. I think the math one time, I looked up, like, when people are speeding, you're gaining, like, if you're, if you're speeding exponentially, be, trying to beat out traffic, you gain like, only, only like ten minutes, depending on how many miles it is.
33:28 Speaker 06 Really?
33:28 Andrew Santino? Five minutes at the, it's like it was nothing.
33:30 Speaker 06 It just feels like you're gaining more than you are.
33:32 Andrew Santino? Yeah, you're really not. And also then when you get there five minutes early, then you're gonna waste that time doing something else. And I think the universe wants you to get there when you're supposed to get there.
33:39 Speaker 06 And this is sponsored by Safe Driving.
33:42 Andrew Santino? Safe Driving.
33:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, the average driver may save only twenty-six seconds per day of speeding.
33:47 Andrew Santino? Twenty-six seconds per day of speeding.
33:49 Speaker 06 You hear that, people? Why are we speeding? Why are we road raging and all that stuff?
33:53 Andrew Santino? Cause I've also had this crazy daydream. I've told him this for a while. I've had this like nightmare and it's crossed my mind during the day of me in a big SUV getting into an accident.
34:04 Speaker 06 Oh, I don't like this.
34:05 Andrew Santino? Like a suburban, I know, because we're in them all the time.
34:07 Speaker 06 Yeah.
34:08 Andrew Santino? And I fall asleep in them a lot.
34:09 Speaker 06 Uh huh.
34:09 Andrew Santino? You know, like if I'm dri- if I'm getting picked up in the airport.
34:11 Speaker 06 I was like, not driving.
34:13 Andrew Santino? No, no, I will sleep and drive. I won't text and drive or drink and drive, but I'll sleep and drive. I will knock out at the wheel. No, but I, because we're in suburbans all the time, so when I'm traveling, I kinda ha- I'll just kind of like be in and out of it and I've had a dream multiple times about getting out of a car, in and out of a car that got into an accident on the freeway. I know.
34:31 Speaker 06 Scary.
34:31 Andrew Santino? Please god, knock on wood.
34:32 Speaker 06 Wear your seatbelt then.
34:33 Andrew Santino? I do wear my seatbelt every time, every single time. I used to not. And then I got into a fender bender in a, in a driven car. Not a bad accident, but then I, I, I smashed my face on the backseat and I thought, I'm never doing this again.
34:44 Speaker 06 Right.
34:44 Andrew Santino? I'm gonna wear a seatbelt in the back.
34:46 Speaker 06 Yeah, because it used to be no seatbelts back in the day. Then it was just front seat, seatbelts, but now I feel like every, all the new cars beep in the backseat if you don't have your seatbelt on.
34:55 Andrew Santino? And you should, because you don't want to get thrown through the front window. It's so embarrassing.
34:59 Speaker 06 You should, yeah.
34:59 Andrew Santino? It's embarrassing when you see like two people in the front with their seatbelt on and they were fine, but they were like, what, how's that hold? Like the guy in the back.
35:05 Speaker 06 Yeah, he just flew through.
35:06 Andrew Santino? Flew through the front of the window, you're like, Jesus dude.
35:08 Speaker 06 Wear your seatbelt people.
35:10 Andrew Santino? Yeah, wear them. Please wear them. I wonder what would happen if they had, uh, I saw one of these like, um, Chinese inventors had, um, uh, uh, airbags on a motorcycle.
35:19 Speaker 06 Oh, really?
35:19 Andrew Santino? It kinda looked kinda cool. Yeah, they were testing it out to see if like the moment of impact, they like blow up around them.
35:24 Speaker 06 If that helps?
35:25 Andrew Santino? Yeah, because you see, I saw motorcycle accidents the other night, I told them and it's, it always, I don't care how bad it is, like how small it is, it's bad.
35:32 Speaker 06 It's bad. I've been in LA 21 years now and I have seen so many guys, it's usually guys, laid out on the freeway from a motorcycle.
35:42 Andrew Santino? It is usually guys, that's our thing.
35:44 Speaker 06 Yeah, and there's some, there's some ladies that like a motorcycle, Sid.
35:47 Andrew Santino? Yeah, but they, but they don't get hit. They're safe enough to not get hit.
35:51 Speaker 06 Just going slow.
35:52 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
35:52 Speaker 06 It's the weaving in and out in LA, you can't weave in and out.
35:56 Andrew Santino? My dad was shocked when he first came here.
35:57 Speaker 06 We're like 70 year olds being like, where's your seatbelt?
36:00 Andrew Santino? Well, you know what it really is?
36:03 Andrew Santino? It's real, you gotta check the stove before you go to bed.
36:05 Speaker 06 You gotta really be careful on those motorcycles.
36:07 Andrew Santino? Fifty-seven percent of motorcycle fatalities are male, so it's just over half.
36:10 Speaker 06 Oh, so, yeah.
36:11 Andrew Santino? Alright ladies, keep working, you'll get there.
36:13 Speaker 06 Ladies.
36:14 Andrew Santino? You'll get there, man, you keep working, you guys keep speeding as well, you two could be as dead on a motorcycle.
36:19 Speaker 06 Man.
36:19 Andrew Santino? I've had too many friends lay them down and get really hurt and, and bad, bad, bad. In college, my buddy had one.
36:24 Speaker 06 Mm-hmm.
36:24 Andrew Santino? I drove it around a little bit and I immediately knew that was a bad, I was like, this is a bad idea. Well, I had dirt bike, my buddy had dirt bikes, even those, they're not as, you know, you're not on the freeway. Even those things, I'm like, this is so dangerous.
36:36 Speaker 06 Yeah, I was riding a little mini one, uh, in high school and almost went down the hill into the river with it. I got, I popped, I popped off of it and I'm running, holding it and all I was doing was continuing.
36:51 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
36:52 Speaker 06 The gas.
36:52 Andrew Santino? That's what they say, your instinct is to hit the gas and not brake. So you gas up and that takes you further.
36:57 Speaker 06 I was about to go right into the river.
36:59 Andrew Santino? Would have been honestly a great look, though.
37:01 Speaker 06 You know, I would be missing half my face.
37:03 Andrew Santino? No, that I don't want.
37:04 Speaker 06 From the rocks.
37:05 Andrew Santino? Yeah, oh, just getting drugged behind the bike.
37:07 Speaker 06 Ah, no.
37:08 Andrew Santino? No, we don't want that to happen, we don't want that to happen. We really, we really want everyone to stay safe out there, I should say.
37:13 Speaker 06 Mm-hmm.
37:14 Andrew Santino? Please, God, everyone on motorcycle, don't let me almost hit you. I've done that many times.
37:17 Speaker 06 I bet.
37:18 Andrew Santino? I've almost hit so many guys on motorcycles, just because I'm not paying attention to lane splitters.
37:21 Speaker 06 No one's paying attention, that's the problem.
37:23 Andrew Santino? I know. Are you on your phone, you texting and driving? Be honest.
37:26 Speaker 06 Uh, at stoplights for sure.
37:28 Andrew Santino? I am the whole time.
37:28 Speaker 06 I have had a cop be like, hey, like, you know, when they're, they pull up beside you and he's like, hey. And I was like, I can't do it now? He's like, mm-mm.
37:39 Andrew Santino? See, I don't understand that.
37:40 Speaker 06 I thought you could at stoplights.
37:41 Andrew Santino? At a stoplight does make sense to text and drive.
37:42 Speaker 06 Yeah.
37:43 Andrew Santino? It really does.
37:44 Speaker 06 I was like, this is the break for the texting, right?
37:47 Andrew Santino? That's what it should be.
37:48 Speaker 06 And he was like, mm-mm.
37:49 Andrew Santino? The light just says, stop and text.
37:51 Speaker 06 I'm like having a conversation with him through my windshield, not now, this is not.
37:56 Andrew Santino? You're sure? Alright, well I'm gonna finish the text. You pull me over.
38:00 Speaker 06 Send.
38:01 Andrew Santino? Meanwhile, I see cops breaking the law.
38:03 Speaker 06 Oh yeah.
38:04 Andrew Santino? Constantly.
38:05 Speaker 06 For sure.
38:05 Andrew Santino? Constantly, I see cops texting and driving on their phone. This is illegal, I see them doing that all the time.
38:09 Speaker 06 Mm-hmm.
38:10 Andrew Santino? Phone to the ear, I'm always like, how are you, you know. What do you do, make a citizen's arrest and be like one of those vigilantes online?
38:14 Speaker 06 Be a narc.
38:15 Andrew Santino? Yeah, you wanna be a rat? What, do you wanna be a big old rat? No, because you're too much of a troublemaker, you can't, uh... You can't be a rat, man, you cause a lot of crime and trouble anyway.
38:24 Speaker 06 You know me.
38:25 Andrew Santino? You probably never broken the law.
38:27 Speaker 06 I mean, not in the, like, serious ways.
38:29 Andrew Santino? You ever stolen anything?
38:31 Speaker 06 When I was a kid.
38:32 Andrew Santino? What'd you steal? What's the most expensive thing you stole?
38:34 Speaker 06 Oh, it wasn't expensive, it was a piece of gum.
38:36 Andrew Santino? That's it?
38:37 Speaker 06 Yeah.
38:37 Andrew Santino? You're such a good kid.
38:38 Speaker 06 Well, my mom then said, she, I, I asked for the gum, she said no. And I stole it, and then I, like an idiot, popped it into my mouth in the backseat. She's like, "What are you chomping on?" And I'm like, "Nothing." She's, "You stole that gum?" And then she made me march into the store, sobbing, telling the clerk I stole from the store.
39:01 Andrew Santino? And you paid?
39:02 Speaker 06 I don't think I paid, but I was humiliated into never, never...
39:08 Andrew Santino? You paid socially, yeah.
39:09 Speaker 06 I paid it with my soul. And, uh, never did it again. I think I stole some rich crackers, it was like food. I stole some rich crackers from a girl in the elementary school playground.
39:20 Andrew Santino? God, you're a good kid.
39:21 Speaker 06 Just shoved them in my mouth, and she's like, "Is it... Where are my rich crackers?" And I'm, "I don't know, I'm like spitting them out."
39:29 Andrew Santino? Yeah, but that's survival, okay?
39:31 Speaker 06 I was hungry.
39:31 Andrew Santino? That's survival, man.
39:32 Speaker 06 My mom didn't send me to school with a snack, so, stuff like that, that kinda dumb stuff.
39:37 Andrew Santino? God, you never were, like, you didn't do anything bad.
39:38 Speaker 06 I'm like a rule follower.
39:40 Andrew Santino? No, that's wonderful.
39:41 Speaker 06 So...
39:41 Andrew Santino? I, when we were kids, we just couldn't wait to break the law.
39:44 Speaker 06 Yeah.
39:44 Andrew Santino? It was like my favorite thing to do.
39:46 Speaker 06 What was the most expensive thing you stole?
39:47 Andrew Santino? A car.
39:49 Speaker 06 No, for real?
39:50 Andrew Santino? No, I never stole a car, no. I just had to say it.
39:52 Speaker 06 You said it with such...
39:53 Andrew Santino? I stole a man's family one time. Uh, no. The most expensive thing we stole was always like, uh, I never wanted to rob someone of something valuable to them. We just, we stole a lot of booze, we would go garage hopping. We loved that.
40:05 Speaker 06 Yeah.
40:05 Andrew Santino? Stealing alcohol, I've stolen, um...
40:09 Andrew Santino? I've never dine and dash. You know, I never did that.
40:12 Speaker 06 I didn't, I've not done that, yeah.
40:14 Andrew Santino? I never did a dine and dash because I always felt guilty because there were humans attached to it.
40:17 Speaker 06 Right.
40:17 Andrew Santino? But if I stole something from your garage, I didn't give a shit. It was in your garage. It was like a, you know, bottle of whiskey or it was like, I don't know, a baseball bat or whatever. We stole like miniscule bullshit.
40:27 Speaker 06 They won't miss this. They're like, that's my prized.
40:29 Andrew Santino? They got a house.
40:30 Speaker 06 Bottle of booze.
40:31 Andrew Santino? They got a house. They'll get a new one. You know what I mean? Yeah. And if you were prized bottle of booze, you kept it in the garage. In the Midwest. Midwest, everyone has a fridge in the garage.
40:38 Speaker 06 Yeah.
40:38 Andrew Santino? It's just prime. If I saw your garage was open, because in the nineties, you'd leave your garage open.
40:41 Speaker 06 Really?
40:42 Andrew Santino? Yeah, you'd just leave your garage open. Kids would come home and they'd go in and out and play. And that was like a normal thing to see. And there was always a fridge in the garage. There was always beer for dad in the garage. Always.
40:50 Speaker 06 Interesting, yeah.
40:51 Andrew Santino? Yeah, it's just a cultural thing.
40:51 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah, I remember the Roseanne sitcom. Didn't he always go to the garage for?
40:56 Andrew Santino? I don't remember, but that sounds right.
40:56 Speaker 06 Beer in the fridge. I feel like something like that, yeah.
40:58 Andrew Santino? Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah. Yeah, it's just, I don't know what that is, but it's very cultural. Well, you, you always, every, every house in the Midwest, no matter how big or small the family, they have a secondary fridge.
41:07 Speaker 06 Mm-hmm.
41:08 Andrew Santino? You have to have two fridges. It's so strange. Even if it's just a family of four.
41:11 Speaker 06 Yeah, we did not have that. That was not a thing for us.
41:13 Andrew Santino? In the South?
41:14 Speaker 06 Yeah.
41:15 Andrew Santino? Well, yeah, I mean, well, you guys are, you know, crazy savages. I mean, you eat outside with your hands.
41:20 Speaker 06 We're just fat. We're just, nothing stays in the fridge. We're eating.
41:22 Andrew Santino? I was gonna say, what's going in there? There's no leftovers. We're done. No, it's just, it's such, and my dad, you know, is from North Carolina, so I grew up with that culture too, like that southern, uh, like, sou- southern, southern food culture shocked me because I thought we had good unhealthy food in Chicago.
41:42 Speaker 06 Ours is all fried.
41:42 Andrew Santino? It's so, it's, but it's over-salted, deep-fried.
41:45 Speaker 06 Yeah.
41:46 Andrew Santino? It's good, but it makes me feel like shit.
41:47 Speaker 06 Very unhealthy. Every time Jax, my wife, comes home with me, she's like, I need a salad, a vegetable.
41:53 Andrew Santino? Right.
41:54 Speaker 06 Something. This is not, okay.
41:55 Andrew Santino? The amount of salt, the amount of salt. I don't even, my, my legs will swell up out of my jeans because it's all salt. It's unbelievable.
42:01 Speaker 06 It's crazy.
42:02 Andrew Santino? Like, my grandmother used to cook country ham, you know, where you like, you, you, you, you salt it, dry it, salt it, dry it.
42:09 Speaker 06 Yeah.
42:09 Andrew Santino? And then cook it, then salt it. And I was like, this is, I'm eating a block of salt.
42:12 Speaker 06 I don't, I'm like, how did I eat like that all the time?
42:15 Andrew Santino? Because it's culturally so normal that no one even thinks about it. It doesn't, you don't even,
42:19 Speaker 06 It's wild.
42:19 Andrew Santino? It's not even like a, uh, guys, this does, you're started on it so young.
42:23 Speaker 06 Yeah.
42:24 Andrew Santino? That you, now that, that, now that like when my, when my parents visit out here, like, You know, everything here, my dad's always like, everything's so healthy here. I'm like, it's just regular food.
42:33 Speaker 06 Yeah, it's not like that insane.
42:36 Andrew Santino? But he, but his diet is absurd. My dad for breakfast eats pork rinds.
42:40 Speaker 06 Really?
42:40 Andrew Santino? Loves pork rinds. He'll eat like a jar of pickles, pork rinds and olives. He doesn't eat, he hates eggs. He hates like an eggs and, eggs and bacon breakfast. So he'll want like pork rinds or he'll eat, uh, yeah, he'll eat like, um, salami. You know what I mean? He'll just, whatever's in the fridge.
42:57 Speaker 06 Do you look like your dad at all?
42:59 Andrew Santino? This is my stepdad. My real dad, no, I don't look anything like my real dad. I don't look like anybody really. I think I'm adopted.
43:04 Speaker 06 Oh no.
43:05 Andrew Santino? A found, this is a found baby face.
43:07 Speaker 06 You were at the fire station.
43:09 Andrew Santino? Yeah, a hundred percent. Even the firemen were like, keep it outside. Who knows what that thing's gonna do? I look like my mom in my eyes. This part of my, this part of my face looks like my mom.
43:18 Speaker 06 Yeah.
43:18 Andrew Santino? My dad is pretty tall, so I got the height from my dad. Cause my mom is a leprechaun. They're tiny people. The Irish are all so small.
43:24 Speaker 06 Yeah.
43:25 Andrew Santino? I'm six one and when I go to family parties.
43:27 Speaker 06 You're just a beast.
43:29 Andrew Santino? Yeah. Like I used to like hit my head on the, on the going downstairs from my grandma's old house. And everybody else. I could see who all was there. That was the benefit. There was no way I could like, like me in Japan was the coolest moment of my life. Walking the streets of Japan as a somewhat.
43:43 Speaker 06 Oh yeah.
43:44 Andrew Santino? Above average height guy. Oh, it's unreal.
43:46 Speaker 06 I've heard it's amazing.
43:47 Andrew Santino? So great. They're like the sweetest people.
43:49 Speaker 06 Yeah.
43:49 Andrew Santino? The coolest invent, the, the, the progress socially.
43:52 Speaker 06 Really?
43:53 Andrew Santino? Dude, everything you've ever wanted is there.
43:54 Speaker 06 Yeah. And the food's great too, right?
43:57 Andrew Santino? Incredible. And I know some people are like, dude, even the subway sushi's good. It is.
44:01 Speaker 06 Yeah.
44:02 Andrew Santino? It is. Like it, even like a on the go thing. I'm not saying it's the best you've ever had, but it is, it's good.
44:09 Speaker 06 Yeah.
44:09 Andrew Santino? It's good enough where in the way that someone goes, how would the subway sushi be good? It's like, how is a taco truck in the gas station by my house good?
44:16 Speaker 06 Mm-hmm.
44:16 Andrew Santino? Same thing.
44:17 Speaker 06 Yeah.
44:17 Andrew Santino? It's just a cultural thing that they are always on the go. So they need super convenient.
44:22 Speaker 06 Yeah.
44:22 Andrew Santino? You know, but their convenient on the go stuff is so much more efficient than ours.
44:26 Speaker 06 Like fresher.
44:27 Andrew Santino? Yeah, it's just, but there's also no line for a thing usually. It's like you can get it if you need it pretty quickly. If you need it.
44:33 Speaker 06 Right.
44:33 Andrew Santino? It's there. Where here, if it's popular, there's a line down the block.
44:36 Speaker 06 Right.
44:37 Andrew Santino? You know what I mean? And they're like, you know. Until we sell out of croissants, you're like, alright, well, I guess I'm not gonna fuck. You know what I mean? I'm not waiting for an hour to get a croissant. I'm sure it's just still butter.
44:45 Speaker 06 Yeah.
44:45 Andrew Santino? There's nothing to it. But no, Japan is a place to go. I recommend it to everyone. Go to Tokyo. And then go down south. Go to Kyoto. Do you eat meat or not a meat eater?
44:53 Speaker 06 Yeah.
44:54 Andrew Santino? Yeah, go down south, man.
44:55 Speaker 06 Yeah.
44:55 Andrew Santino? That's where the beef is, baby.
44:57 Speaker 06 Where's the beef?
44:58 Andrew Santino? We got the beef down there, dude. They got that wagyu, dude.
45:01 Speaker 06 Get that wagyu.
45:02 Andrew Santino? I'll take some of that wagyu. I did that the other night. We went out to dinner and me and Stavros and Bobby and my agent. And we ordered, like, my agent was paying. It's my favorite. I love taking out a business guy, you know what I mean? Cause you're like, oh, we're gonna overcharge this for sure. Screw you. You guys have been ripping us off our whole career. I'm absolutely gonna charge you.
45:20 Speaker 06 Yeah, dude. Wagyu.
45:21 Andrew Santino? You know, I'm paying you guys percentages of my income in perpetuity for my whole life? I'm ordering the wagyu.
45:26 Speaker 06 Stavros is so fun. I would love to go eat with him.
45:29 Andrew Santino? The most fun. Yeah. And he really is a light eater.
45:31 Speaker 06 Really?
45:32 Andrew Santino? No, of course not. That's insane. You bit on that so fast. That's nuts. What are you talking about, dude?
45:38 Speaker 06 You're like, you ordered three steaks.
45:39 Andrew Santino? No, dude. He lets it rip.
45:42 Speaker 06 Yeah.
45:43 Andrew Santino? But he was actually a really good boy. He lost a bunch of weight.
45:45 Speaker 06 Really?
45:46 Andrew Santino? He did. And then, uh, and then he gained a little bit back and he's working back again to... He's gonna get on the Oz.
45:52 Speaker 06 Oh, Ozempic.
45:53 Andrew Santino? He's getting on the Ozempic.
45:54 Speaker 06 Got it.
45:54 Andrew Santino? Bobby's on it and he's influencing all of our friends to get on it now.
45:57 Speaker 06 Does he like it?
45:58 Andrew Santino? He's lost, I think, he said thirteen or fourteen pounds. I said it last time, too. He guessed the number. I think it was, it was just over ten.
46:03 Speaker 06 Yeah. So... But Bobby's so tiny. I mean, I know he's got the belly, but he's not like some big dude.
46:10 Andrew Santino? No, but he's, but, but, but, so his weight is probably more detrimental because he's not tall. Do you know what I mean?
46:16 Speaker 06 Right, true.
46:16 Andrew Santino? Shorter, short round, you know? You know what I mean? He is short round.
46:21 Speaker 06 Short round, that's what we call him.
46:22 Andrew Santino? He's a hundred percent short round. He is, dude. But he's, because he's more smushed.
46:26 Speaker 06 If he just shaved some of those pubes, that's at least two pounds.
46:29 Andrew Santino? No, no, you think that's all the weight? All the weight's around his balls? He does need to shave his pubes, that is.
46:34 Speaker 06 I've seen his pubes more than I think any man.
46:37 Andrew Santino? Or woman.
46:38 Speaker 06 Just on stage.
46:39 Andrew Santino? Anybody in general.
46:39 Speaker 06 Just him on stage alone, he's like pulling it out.
46:43 Andrew Santino? Imagine being his best friend on tour with him. I mean, I see, I've seen it all. We have, you know, people have soundcheck, we have pub check, so we do.
46:50 Speaker 06 You're over there.
46:51 Andrew Santino? I get to the venue early.
46:54 Andrew Santino? Is this good? Is this shape nice?
46:55 Speaker 06 That's a friend right there.
46:57 Andrew Santino? I would do anything for him.
46:58 Speaker 06 Aww.
46:58 Andrew Santino? Who is that to you? Who's your like, who's your comedy confidant?
47:02 Speaker 06 My comedy confidant, uh, well, she's not a stand-up, but Gillian Bell, you know Gillian Bell?
47:08 Andrew Santino? She's so dope.
47:08 Speaker 06 She's been my best friend forever.
47:10 Andrew Santino? I think she's so talented.
47:12 Speaker 06 She's so.
47:12 Andrew Santino? We don't know, we don't really know each other. We might have met once, but I think she's fantastic.
47:16 Speaker 06 She's amazing. She's an actor and, uh, has been in a lot of movies and stuff, but we're, we've been writing something together for a while. We're just like, please Hollywood, let us make this thing, cause.
47:28 Andrew Santino? You two together would be incredible.
47:29 Speaker 06 Yeah, we know each other so well and we write so well together. We came up at the Growling together and.
47:34 Andrew Santino? Oh, you did?
47:34 Speaker 06 So we have a movie that we're trying to get made and I'm just like, please let us.
47:38 Andrew Santino? Well, she's so good. You guys are, you, that would be fantastic. Honestly, yeah, she, tell her I'm a fan.
47:43 Speaker 06 I will, yeah.
47:44 Andrew Santino? Yeah, cause I like her. Yeah. Well, you know, we have so many mutual friends. It is funny in this business, you have a lot of mutual people that know each other.
47:48 Speaker 06 Yeah.
47:49 Andrew Santino? But the ships never pass.
47:50 Speaker 06 Right.
47:50 Andrew Santino? You know, we just are kind of out at sea sometimes, doing our own thing.
47:53 Speaker 06 And I have a lot of good friends, like, who are comics. I, I'm close with, like, Mateo Lane. We're very tight.
47:59 Andrew Santino? The gay guy?
48:00 Speaker 06 You know, it's gays, we gotta stick together.
48:02 Andrew Santino? No, I was just at his house. I was at Mateo's beautiful little house in New York, me, him.
48:05 Speaker 06 Yeah, he bought Sam's old place.
48:07 Andrew Santino? He did, yeah. And Sam just moved upstairs.
48:09 Speaker 06 I know.
48:10 Andrew Santino? That's so great.
48:11 Speaker 06 And I'm asking Mateo, I'm like, how did this work? You just like went through a real estate? He's like, no, Sam was just like, you want this apartment?
48:18 Andrew Santino? That's awesome.
48:18 Speaker 06 And I was like, cool. I was like, there you go.
48:21 Andrew Santino? Cutting out all the bullshit is so much nicer than going to the. You know, we just had to sell our house and This is a nightmare. It's just a back and forth and their agents talk to our agents and then they want something else.
48:32 Speaker 06 You gotta fix things, yeah.
48:33 Andrew Santino? Oh, bro. Well, we didn't. We were like, "Fuck you."
48:35 Speaker 06 Yeah.
48:36 Andrew Santino? We put so much money into our old house because when we bought it, it was not in great shape.
48:39 Speaker 06 Yeah.
48:40 Andrew Santino? So we fixed so much.
48:41 Speaker 06 Right.
48:41 Andrew Santino? And at some point, you're like, "Fuck you. Buy it. I'm done." I did so much to it. Like, I put in a new HVAC unit and a whole thing. Like, everything was new, redone, and so when they had fin- Small stuff, we were like-
48:53 Speaker 06 Yeah, that's just nitpicky.
48:54 Andrew Santino? You go do it.
48:55 Speaker 06 So did you find a place that you're pumped about?
48:58 Andrew Santino? I'm living in my car.
48:59 Speaker 06 Oh.
49:00 Andrew Santino? Yeah, we are.
49:01 Speaker 06 It's a nice car, though.
49:01 Andrew Santino? It is. It's a nice car to live in.
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52:05 Speaker 06 Yeah, we bought a new build and now we're like, ah, I don't think this is the right place, but we're like, we're not going to make money on this house.
52:12 Andrew Santino? Well, you just got to stay in it until it breaks even.
52:14 Speaker 06 And I don't want to, I don't think I want to do that.
52:16 Andrew Santino? You want to get out.
52:17 Speaker 06 I think so.
52:18 Andrew Santino? Damn.
52:18 Speaker 06 And my, yeah, all the business people are like, that, five to seven years, I'm like, no.
52:24 Andrew Santino? How long you been in it, a year?
52:25 Speaker 06 Two.
52:25 Andrew Santino? Oh, unfortunate.
52:27 Speaker 06 I know.
52:27 Andrew Santino? Settle in a little bit.
52:28 Speaker 06 It's, it's built for a family. There's like, it's too, it's not.
52:32 Andrew Santino? Go ahead and brag.
52:33 Speaker 06 Right for us.
52:34 Andrew Santino? I saw it underneath your tongue.
52:35 Speaker 06 Seven bathrooms.
52:36 Andrew Santino? Seven bathrooms?
52:37 Speaker 06 I don't need that.
52:38 Andrew Santino? Damn dude.
52:39 Speaker 06 I don't need that.
52:40 Andrew Santino? That is ama- that's so many bathrooms.
52:42 Speaker 06 So many, but that's for a fa- there's like a bathroom in every, every, all these rooms.
52:47 Andrew Santino? Damn dude, that's huge.
52:49 Speaker 06 And it's.
52:49 Andrew Santino? I, can I sleep over?
52:50 Speaker 06 Yeah, please.
52:51 Andrew Santino? I'm coming over dude.
52:52 Speaker 06 I just wanna use these bathrooms.
52:54 Andrew Santino? Yeah, when you don't, when you have bathrooms, uh, Dana Carvey said that on this show, he's like, be care- be weary of, um, empty room syndrome or something like that?
53:02 Speaker 06 Yeah.
53:02 Andrew Santino? Is that what it was? That he's like, you'll, you'll, you'll buy something sometimes, and if you don't have a family, or your family's already gone, he's like, you'll walk into a room, you're like, you know I fucking never go in this room?
53:12 Speaker 06 Yeah.
53:12 Andrew Santino? And I was like, well, that's a privileged perspective, but I get it.
53:15 Speaker 06 Right.
53:15 Andrew Santino? But I was like, I don't think that's my problem. But he goes,
53:18 Speaker 06 Yeah.
53:18 Andrew Santino? you can get there on accident and realize,
53:20 Speaker 06 Yeah.
53:20 Andrew Santino? why did I get a place that I need more than I needed?
53:22 Speaker 06 And our house is not crazy square footage.
53:26 Andrew Santino? Twelve million dollars isn't insane for someone like you.
53:27 Speaker 06 It is no, not even, not even close to that. It's just laid out in a way that's not, like, it's, it's not some huge house, it's just laid out very bad.
53:36 Andrew Santino? Seven bathrooms has gotta be pretty big though. I'm not gonna put you on the spot.
53:38 Speaker 06 Four thousands, four thousand.
53:39 Andrew Santino? Gotta be more than that.
53:40 Speaker 06 No, I swear to God.
53:41 Andrew Santino? That's it?
53:42 Speaker 06 Four, like forty-one, forty-one hundred.
53:44 Andrew Santino? Are the bathrooms next door to each other?
53:45 Speaker 06 That's what I'm saying, they're tiny rooms and they all have a bathroom. I'm like, why?
53:49 Andrew Santino? That's a lot.
53:50 Speaker 06 And when we were looking at it, I don't know why we didn't process this, but yeah, forty-one hundred, it's not crazy.
53:55 Andrew Santino? Does she love it?
53:56 Speaker 06 No, we, it's fine, it's fine.
53:59 Andrew Santino? Okay.
53:59 Speaker 06 But we know it's not home, home.
54:01 Andrew Santino? Where, what is home then?
54:03 Speaker 06 We wanna find, we wanna.
54:04 Andrew Santino? Here in Los Angeles or elsewhere?
54:06 Speaker 06 Oh, it's here, yeah.
54:06 Andrew Santino? Oh, it is here still.
54:07 Speaker 06 But I think we want, uh, it's, this is two-story, we wanna go back to a ranch.
54:11 Andrew Santino? I see, we, our first house was a ranch too, and that was always my dream.
54:15 Speaker 06 I love the ranch.
54:16 Andrew Santino? I like a long house.
54:17 Speaker 06 I want a lo- I want a wide house.
54:19 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
54:20 Speaker 06 I don't want the.
54:21 Andrew Santino? Up is, up is a waste.
54:22 Speaker 06 Yeah.
54:22 Andrew Santino? Yeah, let's go out.
54:23 Speaker 06 Let's go wide.
54:24 Andrew Santino? I do like that.
54:24 Speaker 06 But that's hard to find in LA.
54:26 Andrew Santino? It is. Uh, well, there, there are a lot of ranches, they're, they're just tiny cute little, tiny smaller houses, but if you want something that's.
54:30 Speaker 06 My old house was a ranch, I loved it, loved, loved, loved it. It's so, so small.
54:35 Andrew Santino? Yeah, same.
54:35 Speaker 06 Sixteen hundred square feet.
54:37 Andrew Santino? Mine was six, six hundred square feet.
54:39 Speaker 06 Our sweet spot, your tiny home.
54:42 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
54:42 Speaker 06 Our sweet spot would be like three.
54:44 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
54:45 Speaker 06 Yeah.
54:45 Andrew Santino? If you can find it. You just go way out.
54:48 Speaker 06 All these developers buy the, those small ranch houses and tear them down.
54:52 Andrew Santino? I know. Well, I mean, look, we really should get out of LA if we're being honest, because we're paying taxes to a place that's burning in hell. I mean, this is a silly.
54:58 Speaker 06 Malibu's on fire.
54:59 Andrew Santino? Yeah, what's going on? I feel so bad.
55:01 Speaker 06 Malibu's on fire a lot though.
55:03 Andrew Santino? Get out of there.
55:03 Speaker 06 Yeah.
55:04 Andrew Santino? Get out of there. It does feel like a place where you're like, it's like New Orleans. And like, what if it floods again? You're like, it's gonna.
55:10 Speaker 06 Yeah.
55:10 Andrew Santino? We should get out of these places. Like, Malibu's always on fire.
55:13 Speaker 06 But it's so pretty. Who doesn't want to eat at Nobu?
55:16 Andrew Santino? It's pretty for eight months. Yeah. Well, I like to go.
55:19 Speaker 06 You're eating sushi like, fire on the mountains.
55:22 Andrew Santino? That's the only time I go. They're like, so we're closed for fire.
55:25 Speaker 06 An eight hour, um, traffic jam to get out of there.
55:29 Andrew Santino? A one road to get in and out.
55:30 Speaker 06 Eating in Nobu.
55:31 Andrew Santino? It's stupid as shit on earth. I love when people try to suck you into that it's not that big of a deal.
55:34 Speaker 06 You know what I'm thinking about? I, I think, not Malibu, but living at the beach might be fun.
55:40 Andrew Santino? For whom?
55:41 Speaker 06 For me.
55:41 Andrew Santino? No thanks.
55:42 Speaker 06 You don't want it?
55:43 Andrew Santino? What am I doing over there?
55:43 Speaker 06 Well, that's true. I mean, are you gonna go lay out?
55:46 Andrew Santino? Get burnt? Well, who are you? What are you? You think you're olive, you think an olive princess?
55:50 Speaker 06 I'm tan mom over here.
55:53 Andrew Santino? Tan mom? No, do you tan? You don't tan. No. What are you doing? What are you doing at the beach?
55:58 Speaker 06 I don't know. Beach life seems fun.
56:00 Andrew Santino? It's not. For what?
56:01 Speaker 06 I don't know, chilling.
56:02 Andrew Santino? No, you're chilling at home.
56:05 Andrew Santino? Dude, we've gone, I've done this so many times. No, I walk in my neighborhood.
56:08 Speaker 06 Yeah.
56:09 Andrew Santino? I hate sand.
56:09 Speaker 06 Yeah.
56:10 Andrew Santino? What is it for?
56:11 Speaker 06 Right.
56:12 Andrew Santino? It's so annoying.
56:13 Speaker 06 It does get up your butt and all that stuff.
56:15 Andrew Santino? And then it's like all over the car, and then it gets all over the house, and then, if I do bring my dog.
56:19 Speaker 06 We wouldn't live on the beach. We would have to live like.
56:21 Andrew Santino? See, to me, it's like, then why go over there?
56:22 Speaker 06 Ten, ten rows back.
56:23 Andrew Santino? Well, then, why go over there if you're not gonna live on the beach?
56:25 Speaker 06 I don't know, it just seems, I'm entering my beach phase.
56:28 Andrew Santino? Yeah, okay. By the way, you're gonna be there, and then two years, be like, why are we at the beach? I need to sell this one. Your business manager's like, fortune.
56:36 Speaker 06 Get ready for my bikini body. It's coming.
56:38 Andrew Santino? I am, dude. I'm in, dude. You don't wanna see my bikini body either, when I wear a little Speedo. I just don't like the beach, because it's, um, it's just, it's impossible to get to, it's hard to park at, it's not fun to be at. We have, our beaches are long.
56:53 Speaker 06 Uh huh.
56:53 Andrew Santino? Right? So it takes a long time to get from the, from the beginning to the water.
56:57 Speaker 06 Yeah.
56:57 Andrew Santino? It's just, it's like, it's too long.
56:59 Speaker 06 Maybe I'll rent an Airbnb for a month and see how I like it.
57:02 Andrew Santino? I dare you to do that. You're gonna hate it.
57:03 Speaker 06 I dare me also.
57:06 Andrew Santino? Look, if I was gonna live at the beach, I'd be in Florida.
57:08 Speaker 06 Right.
57:09 Andrew Santino? Cause their beaches are way better.
57:10 Speaker 06 Yeah, that is true.
57:11 Andrew Santino? On the Gulf side, it's so nice. It's like, warm water, it's, it's quick to get into the water.
57:16 Speaker 06 You just have to evacuate a couple times a year.
57:19 Andrew Santino? No, I'll die. I'll just die. Take me out.
57:22 Speaker 06 I'm going down with my house.
57:23 Andrew Santino? Just take me out, dude. But I just, I think Florida is the beach that I, in terms of like, where I actually would live, even though I, I don't wanna move to Florida.
57:32 Speaker 06 Right.
57:32 Andrew Santino? Yeah, Florida beaches, cause they're just so nice and cozy and the culture is very like chill and no one really gives a shit.
57:38 Speaker 06 Yeah.
57:39 Andrew Santino? And our beaches are still filled with like, crime and heroin and homeless and, it's so sketchy on the west side.
57:44 Speaker 06 Well, we'll see.
57:45 Andrew Santino? Alright, go.
57:46 Speaker 06 Go, do.
57:48 Andrew Santino? Invite me over, I do wanna come over.
57:49 Speaker 06 Alright.
57:50 Andrew Santino? When you get your beach house.
57:51 Speaker 06 Alright, you and me in a Speedo and bikini.
57:53 Andrew Santino? Dude, photo shoot.
57:54 Speaker 06 We're gonna walk down the.
57:55 Andrew Santino? I smell a photo shoot. Pale riders, pale riders in the house.
58:00 Speaker 06 Whiskey gingers.
58:00 Andrew Santino? Dude, you know how, I, I went to Bora Bora for my birthday, for my 40th birthday.
58:04 Speaker 06 Oh nice.
58:04 Andrew Santino? And I sunburnt the first day I was there.
58:06 Speaker 06 Oh my god, did you even try to put on sunscreen?
58:09 Andrew Santino? So much.
58:09 Speaker 06 And it still is a.
58:11 Andrew Santino? You're on the fucking equator down there.
58:12 Speaker 06 Yeah.
58:13 Andrew Santino? You're like basically kissing the sun.
58:14 Speaker 06 I haven't been to Bora Bora.
58:15 Andrew Santino? Pretty amazing. It was, it was one of those lifetime, one of those lifetime trips.
58:18 Speaker 06 How long did it take to get there?
58:21 Andrew Santino? Uh, I think to Tahiti was...
58:25 Speaker 06 Ten?
58:25 Andrew Santino? I wanna say, oh, ten, yeah?
58:27 Speaker 06 Yeah, we, so in my special, my first joke out is about going to the Maldives.
58:32 Andrew Santino? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
58:32 Speaker 06 Uh, and that was like, a day's trip.
58:36 Andrew Santino? Yeah, that's far.
58:37 Speaker 06 It's 18 hours to Qatar, Qatar, and then another six hours.
58:43 Andrew Santino? Yuck.
58:43 Speaker 06 And then an hour, another hour plane. And I loved it, it was beautiful.
58:48 Andrew Santino? But the trip.
58:49 Speaker 06 But I've heard Bora Bora's a similar vibe, and way closer.
58:53 Andrew Santino? It is way closer, yeah. I mean, you have to fly to Tahiti, then you have to either take another little puddle jumper plane over to the, to the island. It is, it is beautiful. I mean, it's stunning. You get there by boat. I mean, once you land, you have to boat over to the spot, which is incredible, but... Dude, I don't know, I'm pretty burnt out on like, we flew, we just flew back from Western Australia and that was eighteen hour total.
59:10 Speaker 06 Yeah, that's a.
59:11 Andrew Santino? Right, eighteen, yeah, eighteen hours, yeah.
59:12 Speaker 06 That's a gnarly trip.
59:12 Andrew Santino? Cause Western Australia, you forget Perth is not.
59:15 Speaker 06 I didn't do Perth last tour, cause it's another five hours, right?
59:19 Andrew Santino? Fucking awesome.
59:20 Speaker 06 Is it?
59:20 Andrew Santino? We had a fucking blast in Perth. The city is great, the crowds are great. You get to go to Rotteness Island, we took a boat to go see the quokkas, the cute little, uh, you've seen these fucking guys? Oh my god, dude, they're so.
59:31 Speaker 03 They're like little rats with, uh.
59:33 Speaker 06 I don't.
59:34 Andrew Santino? You don't wanna say rats.
59:35 Speaker 06 I don't think I've seen those.
59:36 Andrew Santino? Yeah, you've seen them, you've seen it online, like, you've seen what they look like online, but, uh.
59:40 Speaker 06 I've seen someone bathing them on TikTok, probably.
59:42 Andrew Santino? Yeah, but they're so cute.
59:43 Speaker 06 Oh, yeah, yeah.
59:44 Andrew Santino? Yeah, you've seen the quokkas.
59:44 Speaker 06 Yeah.
59:45 Andrew Santino? So we took a boat to Rotteness Island, but honestly, the crowds were probably some of the best crowds, I mean, they all were great.
59:50 Speaker 06 Alright.
59:51 Andrew Santino? But I mean, I think Perth because everyone doesn't go.
59:54 Speaker 06 Yeah.
59:54 Andrew Santino? And so they're like, thank you for fucking coming and showing us love, but Western Australia had a piece of my heart, I don't know what it was, but it did something for us.
1:00:01 Speaker 06 Maybe the move is to do Perth first.
1:00:04 Andrew Santino? Well, we wanted to.
1:00:05 Speaker 06 Go all the way out there first and then bring it back in.
1:00:08 Andrew Santino? We wanted to, but the scheduling, you know, you're, you're, you're up for whatever they want.
1:00:11 Speaker 06 True, yeah.
1:00:12 Andrew Santino? You know, so like next year, Bob and I are gonna, we, we're not gonna do any more in the United States, for, we said we were done for a while, cause we did a huge tour, we did sixty something cities.
1:00:20 Speaker 06 Yeah.
1:00:21 Andrew Santino? And then.
1:00:21 Speaker 06 And your own tour at the same time?
1:00:23 Andrew Santino? Separate, I'm doing my tour now.
1:00:25 Speaker 06 Now, okay.
1:00:25 Andrew Santino? But I said next fall, Bob and I are trying to go to London, Dublin, Amsterdam.
1:00:30 Speaker 06 Nice.
1:00:31 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
1:00:32 Speaker 06 That'll do well.
1:00:33 Andrew Santino? I think so.
1:00:34 Speaker 06 People enjoy, you two together are very funny.
1:00:36 Andrew Santino? It's, you know, it's, uh, he, again, he's my little, uh, he's my comedy crush. He's my little comedy confidant.
1:00:42 Speaker 06 He's your comedy.
1:00:43 Andrew Santino? I've never found that in somebody, is my, yeah, he, well.
1:00:45 Speaker 06 He's not even a crush, he's your.
1:00:47 Andrew Santino? First of all, he's my girlfriend. Let's be honest, he's my little girlfriend. I've never found someone in comedy that I've connected with so seamlessly in terms of like our styles matching up and also, um. Being so like truly different. We are nothing alike.
1:01:01 Speaker 06 Yeah, I don't even think before y'all started Bad Friends that you guys were that tight. I didn't know that y'all were that tight.
1:01:07 Andrew Santino? Well, we weren't that close. I mean, we were just friends. Like, I love, we loved each other and we always fucked with each other.
1:01:13 Speaker 06 Yeah.
1:01:13 Andrew Santino? We just were always friends, but like it took this for us to get very close.
1:01:18 Speaker 06 To get to the next level.
1:01:19 Andrew Santino? Yeah, because you know, like we, we loved each other, but Bobby's not really a social creature outside of the club. So like, he doesn't really wanna go hang. I mean, we, we would have dinner sometimes or like we'd get, we'd get food late at night. But he's sleeping all day. He's not hanging.
1:01:33 Speaker 06 Right.
1:01:33 Andrew Santino? And I'm not gonna, we're not gonna go for a hike. He's not gonna go to the gym.
1:01:36 Speaker 06 Right.
1:01:37 Andrew Santino? You know what I mean? Like, we have just such.
1:01:38 Speaker 06 Sleeping all day?
1:01:39 Andrew Santino? He's sleeping there right now. I guarantee if we call him.
1:01:41 Speaker 06 Why? He's that tired?
1:01:43 Andrew Santino? No, he needs it. His machine, his little machine needs it.
1:01:45 Speaker 06 His little machine?
1:01:46 Andrew Santino? His little machine is recharging.
1:01:47 Speaker 06 His micro machine.
1:01:48 Andrew Santino? His little micro machine. That's what I call his penis, his micro machine. He, he just, I think he needs it because he's up all night playing video games.
1:01:54 Speaker 06 Oh, I see. Okay.
1:01:56 Andrew Santino? So he's up till four, three or four, give or take. Unless he has to work and then he's very responsible. Then he's up on time. If we have to go to the airport.
1:02:03 Speaker 06 He's there. That's good.
1:02:04 Andrew Santino? If we have to work, if he knows it's job.
1:02:06 Speaker 06 You gotta be able to count on people if you're gonna be in business with them.
1:02:08 Andrew Santino? Well, if he, if it's for money and it's a job.
1:02:11 Speaker 06 Yeah.
1:02:12 Andrew Santino? He's in. But if it's something else, he's like, I'm not doing it.
1:02:14 Speaker 06 Yeah. Well, at least you know that.
1:02:15 Andrew Santino? I know. Well, yeah, you figure it out pretty quick.
1:02:17 Speaker 06 Right.
1:02:18 Andrew Santino? No, but he, I'd never have met someone like that in comedy and I'm blessed that it happened because I, it's the, I've said it a million, million times. It's the most fun I've ever had in my career.
1:02:26 Speaker 06 I love that.
1:02:27 Andrew Santino? By a landslide. There's no TV or film that I've ever done or.
1:02:29 Speaker 06 Yeah.
1:02:30 Andrew Santino? He is my Arnold Schwarzenegger to you, basically.
1:02:32 Speaker 06 Yeah, Arnold.
1:02:34 Andrew Santino? You guys are, do you talk ever?
1:02:35 Speaker 06 Yeah, I was just at his house Saturday.
1:02:37 Andrew Santino? Whoa, story.
1:02:38 Speaker 06 Just cuddling now.
1:02:42 Andrew Santino? Fortune.
1:02:43 Speaker 06 Fortune.
1:02:44 Andrew Santino? This is how I love you the most. I'm cuddling at my house. Lay down, Fortune.
1:02:49 Speaker 06 Fortune, let's go, come on.
1:02:50 Andrew Santino? Rub my belly. You wanna work out?
1:02:52 Speaker 06 Let's go to the gym now.
1:02:54 Andrew Santino? He's amazing.
1:02:55 Speaker 06 He's really cool. Yeah, we have a blast. We've, uh, done a second season of Food Bar together. Uh, it comes out probably in the spring, I think. Uh, but he loves comedy and he loves comedians. He loves to laugh.
1:03:08 Andrew Santino? Do you just go over for dinner?
1:03:09 Speaker 06 No, this was a Christmas party.
1:03:11 Andrew Santino? But would you ever just have dinner with him?
1:03:13 Speaker 06 Yeah.
1:03:13 Andrew Santino? It's tight like that.
1:03:14 Speaker 06 I went to, we went to Munich to Oktoberfest with him.
1:03:18 Andrew Santino? What?
1:03:18 Speaker 06 Yeah, we filmed in Prague the last little bit of our show. And he was going in like a week to Munich. And he's like, yeah, come on.
1:03:27 Andrew Santino? That's cool. It would be cool to go to his home. He's from Austria, right? Be cool to go to Austria with him.
1:03:31 Speaker 06 I mean, he's so popular over there.
1:03:34 Andrew Santino? Right, he's god.
1:03:34 Speaker 06 He couldn't walk two feet without a hundred people showing up.
1:03:37 Andrew Santino? Well, he's just a fucking mammoth of a guy. He's not like hidden.
1:03:39 Speaker 06 But he's not like, he's not like crazy tall.
1:03:42 Andrew Santino? No, no, but he's wide.
1:03:42 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah.
1:03:43 Andrew Santino? He's unmistakably Arnold Schwarzenegger.
1:03:45 Speaker 06 Oh, for sure.
1:03:45 Andrew Santino? You're not gonna be like, is that?
1:03:46 Speaker 06 And he's like a god there. They even have like a song at Oktoberfest. They're like, Arnold goes to Hollywood. Arnold goes to Hollywood. Everyone's singing it. And we're like, what is this song?
1:03:58 Andrew Santino? Dude, that's rad.
1:03:59 Speaker 06 He's leading the band. Arnold goes to Hollywood.
1:04:02 Andrew Santino? Is that the only lyric?
1:04:04 Speaker 06 There's way more, but it's all in.
1:04:06 Andrew Santino? Goes to Hollywood.
1:04:07 Speaker 06 Then the rest is in German and I don't know.
1:04:08 Andrew Santino? Guys, we have to work on the song.
1:04:10 Speaker 06 Guys, we need some more lyrics.
1:04:11 Andrew Santino? Only one lyric is not gonna get it done.
1:04:14 Speaker 06 I did indeed go to Hollywood.
1:04:15 Andrew Santino? But he did go to Hollywood and he still lives in California, which is amazing.
1:04:18 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah.
1:04:18 Andrew Santino? Once you govern this place, you gotta stick around, huh?
1:04:20 Speaker 06 That's right.
1:04:21 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
1:04:21 Speaker 06 He loves it here. I mean, he's always, he's always like riding his bike down to the Gold's Gym and.
1:04:26 Andrew Santino? That's so funny.
1:04:27 Speaker 06 He's a very routine kinda guy.
1:04:29 Andrew Santino? Oh, yeah, he likes it like that.
1:04:30 Speaker 06 Likes the same restaurants, does the same things, hangs out with the same people.
1:04:34 Andrew Santino? Oh, that's nice. You gotta create some kind of.
1:04:35 Speaker 06 Yeah. We, we would ride bikes in Toronto and he would just like. Charge ahead and people, you would hear on every corner, is that Arnold? Was it Arnold? And then he's just riding past people like doesn't give a shit.
1:04:49 Andrew Santino? I like the idea of Arnold being like, you wanna race me, Fortune? You're like, I don't wanna race today. You've asked me every day we've ridden bikes, I don't wanna race. Fine, you're gonna be a, you're gonna be a wuss about it. You're never gonna get anywhere in life. You're like, alright dude.
1:05:02 Speaker 06 It is such a trip to be with him though because there are few world famous people like that now, you know?
1:05:09 Andrew Santino? Yeah, it's like him, Tom Cruise.
1:05:11 Speaker 06 Yeah.
1:05:12 Andrew Santino? Who is that famous from that era too, from like some decades ago?
1:05:15 Speaker 06 Sly or somebody, but.
1:05:17 Andrew Santino? But even Stallone's kind of like quieter now in his career. I mean, he's he has that Tulsa King show or whatever, right? But he's not really as out, he's not out and about as much as those other guys.
1:05:27 Speaker 06 But like Arnold is just like, uh, so in the culture, pop culture, everyone, I mean, we would, I would quote his lines to him like all the time and he just laughs and there's so many.
1:05:40 Andrew Santino? Yeah.
1:05:41 Speaker 06 There's so many quotes from him.
1:05:43 Andrew Santino? Wasn't the joke, wasn't the joke that the line was, I'll be right back?
1:05:47 Speaker 06 Yeah, Arnold said, wanted to say.
1:05:49 Andrew Santino? I'll be back.
1:05:49 Speaker 06 No, he wanted, Arnold wanted to say, I'll be right, I'll be right back. And James Cameron was like.
1:05:55 Andrew Santino? Jim was the smart one.
1:05:56 Speaker 06 Wanted to shorten that.
1:05:58 Andrew Santino? Because he's a robot. I'll be back does make more sense. How, how much foresight did James Cameron have? This is pre robotics integration of AI and all that. And he was like, I don't think they'd say right.
1:06:08 Speaker 06 Yeah.
1:06:08 Andrew Santino? I think they'd be, that's how smart Jim Cameron is.
1:06:10 Speaker 06 Be right back.
1:06:11 Andrew Santino? To be like.
1:06:12 Speaker 03 More economical.
1:06:13 Andrew Santino? I just also think he just has a vision that no, it's like a couple of people that have visions and stuff that they're like, no, I think this is actually what it's going to end up being. When you see great directors from the past, they would direct things that you're like, how would they even think that way to make something that's relevant today? Like that movie would still be a box office smash today. I don't know how many times you can do that with action movies if they'd work today. I mean, like at face value lethal, you could make it again, but you'd have to up it a lot. You know what I mean? Like you can make.
1:06:43 Speaker 03 So much now has been made that is piggybacking off.
1:06:47 Andrew Santino? Piggybacking the old, yeah.
1:06:48 Speaker 03 The context of would be impossible.
1:06:50 Andrew Santino? Yeah, that is true.
1:06:51 Speaker 06 It's just so crazy to hear him talk, talk about making those movies. Those movies, you know, we grew up with and were so huge and.
1:06:58 Andrew Santino? It is crazy. He was so big.
1:06:59 Speaker 06 Another movie for, you know, for.
1:07:01 Andrew Santino? Yeah, it didn't matter to him. It was just another slater. Do you ever see the movie Last Action Hero that he did? I love that movie.
1:07:06 Speaker 06 People love it, but it was like one of his lesser watched movies.
1:07:10 Andrew Santino? Yeah, Jesse.
1:07:12 Speaker 03 Minnesota's governor.
1:07:13 Andrew Santino? Minnesota governor, yeah.
1:07:14 Speaker 06 But you know, those were the different days of like, he was telling one story about like, going skiing in Idaho and like the head of a studio like got on his
1:07:24 Andrew Santino? Lift?
1:07:24 Speaker 06 The lift with him and had a script in his jacket for him. Like, that's crazy!
1:07:29 Andrew Santino? Yeah, I hate that. I hate that that existed, because we'll never have that.
1:07:32 Speaker 06 Yeah, we'll never have that.
1:07:33 Andrew Santino? Now you'll take six meetings and they're like, "We're not interested."
1:07:34 Speaker 06 Yeah, yeah. Never, but it was like such a thing back then, like...
1:07:40 Andrew Santino? Well, they were more pined out, they were more sought after, but also because we're exposing ourselves so much on the internet.
1:07:45 Speaker 06 Yeah, over saturated.
1:07:46 Andrew Santino? Yeah, we're saturating ourselves, yeah. And you know, God bless.
1:07:50 Speaker 06 That's right.
1:07:50 Andrew Santino? That's what we're doing at this show.
1:07:52 Speaker 06 See us on eight other podcasts.
1:07:53 Andrew Santino? Yeah, dude. But it's the part of, it's like the part of the beast to move you through the internet, because there's so much there.
1:07:58 Speaker 06 Well, that's the thing, even when you're doing, I mean, you're doing all this stuff and people are still like, "What else?"
1:08:04 Andrew Santino? Yeah, what else? Give me more.
1:08:05 Speaker 06 What's next? And you're like, "Jesus, go on."
1:08:07 Andrew Santino? I'm gonna kill myself doing it. I mean, I'm actually gonna end up dying of health complications because of it, for you guys, but it's all for you.
1:08:12 Speaker 06 It's all for you guys.
1:08:13 Andrew Santino? It's all for you guys. I want, on my gravestone, I want the YouTube emblem, you know, the app emblem?
1:08:18 Speaker 06 Yeah, and how many downloads you had?
1:08:19 Andrew Santino? Yeah, my total subscribers. But I want a digital clock in case it keeps going up when I die. Because posthumously, I'll get more views when I'm dead.
1:08:26 Speaker 06 Yeah, hopefully someone's getting that ad money.
1:08:28 Andrew Santino? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my wife. She can't wait. She's like, "Get out of here. We just got the insurance policy."
1:08:34 Speaker 06 Get on out of here.
1:08:35 Andrew Santino? Get out of here, pal. Um, Fortune, please, uh, thank you for coming in.
1:08:39 Speaker 06 Thanks for having me.
1:08:39 Andrew Santino? Please go watch Fortune's specials, plural. Uh, you can watch her newest one, of course, on Netflix now, and watch all her specials on Netflix.
1:08:45 Speaker 06 Yes, please.
1:08:45 Andrew Santino? Uh, and go see her on tour. She's back on tour in the new year.
1:08:48 Speaker 06 Taking care of biscuits.
1:08:49 Andrew Santino? Taking care of biscuits. Go see that tour. FortuneFeetsher.com.
1:08:53 Speaker 06 Yep.
1:08:53 Andrew Santino? We'll put the link in the description down below. So click on it, support live comedy, because it's what we love the most.
1:08:59 Speaker 06 Yeah.
1:09:00 Andrew Santino? We do like doing it, uh, for you guys.
1:09:02 Speaker 06 And we will die doing this for you.
1:09:03 Andrew Santino? Yeah, we will. We can only hope. Uh, we end the episode the same way. Look in that camera, say one word or one phrase to end the episode. Whenever you're ready, remember.
1:09:11 Speaker 06 Okay.
1:09:12 Andrew Santino? Could be a word, but if you have a powerful phrase or words of wisdom, you can impart that.
1:09:15 Speaker 06 I have a very powerful phrase.
1:09:16 Andrew Santino? Okay, let's hear it.
1:09:18 Speaker 06 Uh, buttholes. I didn't even commit to it.
1:09:23 Andrew Santino? Buttholes?
1:09:23 Speaker 06 Buttholes. Put it up your butt.
1:09:25 Andrew Santino? Okay, dude.
1:09:36 Speaker 04 Ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.
1:09:38 Speaker 05 Gingers are beautiful. You owe me five dollars for the whiskey, seventy-five dollars for the horse. Gingers, oh hell no. This whiskey is excellent.
1:09:47 Speaker 02 Ginger. I like gingers.
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