Episode 201: Ycuá Bolaños Supermarket Explosion

today we show you a new and exciting thing to get irrationally worried about Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wtyppod/ Send us stuff! our address:Well There's Your Podcasting CompanyPO Box 26929 Philadelphia, PA 19134DO NOT SEND US LETTER BOMBS thanks in advance in the commercial: Local Forecast - Elevator Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00November Kelly?

  The virtual multi-monitor on it, which means that now if I get bored at work, I can just uh fucking fire up like whatever. And I'm gonna try and resist that urge, right? But I just need you to know that it's possible for me. And just, you know, keep a sort of watchful eye. And if I seem like I'm like gaming, just start screaming at me.

• 0:21Liam McAnderson?

  I have, I, I, I will admit now that I don't do it anymore. I have played Peggle while we record.

• 0:26November Kelly?

  I'm Peggle fucking whips is the thing like.

• 0:29Liam McAnderson?

  Thank you.

• 0:30November Kelly?

  Yeah, that's fair. That's reasonable.

• 0:32Justin Roczniak?

  Oh, I did. I did start the recording, by the way. So we're now in the cold open portion of the episode.

• 0:38Liam McAnderson?

  You love a cold open now.

• 0:39November Kelly?

  I do. I do like a cold open. Local recording even.

• 0:42Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, fuck my ass, me too.

• 0:44Justin Roczniak?

  A nice, a nice ice cold open, you know?

• 0:47November Kelly?

  In this heat? Absolutely.

• 0:49Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:50Justin Roczniak?

  Absolutely, absolutely.

• 0:51November Kelly?

  Cracking open an ice cold open with the boys?

• 0:55Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 0:57November Kelly?

  Same point. That's the other thing.

• 0:58Liam McAnderson?

  Well, no, we ruined that joke.

• 1:00Justin Roczniak?

  I guess we got, no, I had, I had something there.

• 1:02Liam McAnderson?

  We ruined, we ruined it. No, we ruined it.

• 1:03Justin Roczniak?

  I had something, I had something there and I lost it momentarily because I was thinking of the cold open.

• 1:09Liam McAnderson?

  Ross, can you do me a favor before I murder you with your own shoes?

• 1:11Justin Roczniak?

  Yes.

• 1:12Liam McAnderson?

  Can you make sure you have disk space?

• 1:13Justin Roczniak?

  Yes, I already made sure of that.

• 1:15Liam McAnderson?

  Thank you.

• 1:16Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, um, I guess we have to do a sync point.

• 1:20November Kelly?

  I think that seems likely, yes.

• 1:21Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, yeah, it's probably, probably way to go. Uh, three, two, one, mark.

• 1:28Liam McAnderson?

  Oh.

• 1:29Justin Roczniak?

  Well, I was, I was uh.

• 1:30November Kelly?

  It's, it's.

• 1:31Justin Roczniak?

  Far removed.

• 1:32November Kelly?

  Whenever we do the Zen caster, this happens to me, you know?

• 1:35Liam McAnderson?

  Devin, you got that.

• 1:36Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Um, so, uh, hello and welcome to Well, There's Your Problem. It's a podcast about engineering disasters with slides. I'm Justin Rosnick. I'm the person who's talking right now. My pronouns are he and him. Okay, go.

• 1:53November Kelly?

  I am November Kelly. I'm the person who's talking right now. My voice is in a much lower register than previously because I am once again, sick. The worst immune system in the world continues to do it to me. My pronouns are she and her. Yay, Liam.

• 2:07Liam McAnderson?

  Yay, Liam. Hi, I'm Liam McAnderson. My pronouns are he and him, and we don't have Victoria. She's been killed.

• 2:13Justin Roczniak?

  Unfortunately.

• 2:14November Kelly?

  That's a shame. I was really fond of her, you know, but.

• 2:17Liam McAnderson?

  Me too.

• 2:18November Kelly?

  When we say temporary host, we mean that shit.

• 2:21Liam McAnderson?

  Yes, that one less mouth to feed.

• 2:26Liam McAnderson?

  I mean, not that.

• 2:28Justin Roczniak?

  Now, now, speaking of mouths to feed, um, now, friends, we've heard you out and we know what you want out of our podcast, which is grocery store chat, right?

• 2:39November Kelly?

  Of course.

• 2:39Liam McAnderson?

  People do like it, which is.

• 2:40Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 2:41Liam McAnderson?

  Deranged, I think.

• 2:43Justin Roczniak?

  Well, no, it's, it's a great feeling, you know, going to the grocery store, picking up some delicious food. You're gonna cook, you know, later that day or the next day. I went to the grocery store myself just yesterday.

• 2:55Liam McAnderson?

  I went today.

• 2:55November Kelly?

  The people, the people want to hear about what the sort of Tesco meal deal order is, you know, there's it's a.

• 3:00Justin Roczniak?

  Oh, absolutely, yeah.

• 3:02November Kelly?

  People care. People really want to know about our opinions about grocery stores, which we've chosen to illustrate here with once again, a screenshot from one of the emergency series of video games, which obviously banger.

• 3:14Justin Roczniak?

  Yes, but well, hold on, let's, let's start here, though. I put these questions down. What do you like in a grocery store?

• 3:19November Kelly?

  Um, so the sort of like white noise-esque ambiance of sort of like life and vitality. Muzak? Yeah.

• 3:29Justin Roczniak?

  Oh, I like a, the, the, the, I like when there's a salad bar. I don't ever go to it, but I like that it's there.

• 3:35November Kelly?

  The, um, the like separating the trolleys with the like little tokens that compels me to unlock the little like chain on them that compels me.

• 3:43Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, that's a nice one. I like in the Wegmans, they have the little train that runs near the deli counter.

• 3:49November Kelly?

  Hmm.

• 3:49Liam McAnderson?

  I like Wegmans a lot.

• 3:51November Kelly?

  My, my favorite thing.

• 3:52Liam McAnderson?

  Banger sushi bar.

• 3:53November Kelly?

  My favorite thing in a grocery store is, uh, the freshly baked bakery bit of a little where the baked goods are free so long as you eat them immediately and you don't get caught.

• 4:04Justin Roczniak?

  Ooh.

• 4:05Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, my dad always calls them used bakery items and I, I always laugh at that. He's like, oh, they're you, they're pre-owned. I hope not.

• 4:14Justin Roczniak?

  What, what, what, what do you dislike in a grocery store? Let me hear this.

• 4:18Liam McAnderson?

  Structural collapse.

• 4:19November Kelly?

  Uh, the, the, the prices, the capital. Um, I, I worry about like exploiting sort of poorly waged labor. Yeah.

• 4:26Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 4:27Liam McAnderson?

  Uh, is Wegmans unionized? I, I'm gonna search this and get real mad. Wegmans.

• 4:31Justin Roczniak?

  I think if, if they're a union store, that would make a lot of sense to me.

• 4:35Liam McAnderson?

  They are not. Retail, retail store workers are not unionized, but their warehouse staff, truck drivers and bake shop employees, at least in the Rochester, New York area, are represented by the Teamsters. Wegmans corporate standpoint historically opposes widespread unionization.

• 4:49November Kelly?

  Course I fucking do. Yeah.

• 4:51Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, Wegmans, uh, UFCW. I belonged to UFCW when I worked for the liquor store.

• 4:56Justin Roczniak?

  Oh.

• 4:57Liam McAnderson?

  Local seventeen seventy-six, baby.

• 4:58November Kelly?

  The, the unionization rates here are basically zero, so whatever.

• 5:03Liam McAnderson?

  Did I see what, Ross?

• 5:04Justin Roczniak?

  The, the, the roof on the PLCB warehouse collapsed like three days ago.

• 5:08Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, I saw that.

• 5:09Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 5:11Liam McAnderson?

  I got it. I got a text about that, don't worry.

• 5:13Justin Roczniak?

  I should, I should have put that on the goddamn news. Anyway, yeah, you know, do you have a favorite chain of grocery stores?

• 5:19November Kelly?

  Um, I'm sort of a Tesco loyalist, but that's like saying you're a red army loyalist. You know, when it's the only game in town, what else are you gonna do?

• 5:27Justin Roczniak?

  That's true. That's true. I was gonna say Wegmans and I'm like, oh, Wegmans is non-union. I don't know if I should, I think Acme, Acme must be union?

• 5:35Liam McAnderson?

  I think lots of grocery, lots of. Acme is union, question mark?

• 5:38Justin Roczniak?

  Question mark, okay.

• 5:39November Kelly?

  It's sort of difficult in Brooklyn because the supermarket has a sort of like class dynamic. So like when I was growing up.

• 5:46Liam McAnderson?

  Acme is union.

• 5:47November Kelly?

  We used to be like a Saint Spree's household or like even a Waitrose household, if you want to get a little bit more aspirational than that.

• 5:54Justin Roczniak?

  Ooh.

• 5:54November Kelly?

  Um, but you know, now in my sort of like middle age, I find myself sort of, you know, in the arms of big Tesco.

• 6:00Justin Roczniak?

  Ah, yes. Now here, here's an interesting one. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you in a grocery store?

• 6:07Liam McAnderson?

  Explosive diarrhea. Why do you ask?

• 6:09November Kelly?

  Uh.

• 6:10Justin Roczniak?

  Mine is pretty bad.

• 6:12November Kelly?

  Uh, my, uh, partner had just left the country for like months at a time and I was in a, in a Marks and Spencer's food hall and they started playing, it'll be lonely this Christmas without you. And I burst out crying.

• 6:27Liam McAnderson?

  Christ almighty.

• 6:29November Kelly?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:30Liam McAnderson?

  I'll take the explosive diarrhea. That's all right. That's all right.

• 6:35Liam McAnderson?

  That's only one pair of pants, baby. I got that.

• 6:40Justin Roczniak?

  Okay, here's my last grocery store question. Are you ever paranoid that you'll be standing in the grocery store and it'll just explode?

• 6:48Liam McAnderson?

  All the time.

• 6:49November Kelly?

  Yes, Justin, I have an anxiety disorder.

• 6:52Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, hard to say.

• 6:54Justin Roczniak?

  Well, what if I told you that fear was entirely founded?

• 6:58Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, fuck you.

• 6:59November Kelly?

  I, I, I would bill you for my next therapist visit.

• 7:03Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, me too. I see Penbud cough up.

• 7:10Justin Roczniak?

  Today, we're gonna talk about the Ikuah Bolaños grocery store explosion, which is one of the things to ever happen.

• 7:19November Kelly?

  Oh, boy. I love when we do an episode that's gonna unlock some new fears in all of us.

• 7:25Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, and I know, I know from occasionally snooping around comments, a lot of people like the episodes where nobody dies, right? And it's all just a comic, you know, thing that happened. And this is not one of those.

• 7:40November Kelly?

  Oh, okay.

• 7:44Justin Roczniak?

  But before, before we talk about that, and this, this is, this is one that I went more and more insane as I was looking into it more. Um, we have to do the goddamn news.

• 7:55Liam McAnderson?

  Don't, are you fucking serious with this?

• 7:57November Kelly?

  I still have a question. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I had to set up the new monitor. I'm sorry, I didn't set up the new audio yet. It's kind of.

• 8:05Justin Roczniak?

  Oh, wait, that was, that was just a call in.

• 8:08Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, that's a guy talking to us about, uh.

• 8:11Justin Roczniak?

  There we go.

• 8:12November Kelly?

  We have call-ins? When did that happen?

• 8:14Justin Roczniak?

  No, no, that's for ten thousand losses.

• 8:18November Kelly?

  Okay, okay. I don't want to give these people the power to call me on the phone because they're gonna ask me questions like, what's the bonus episode? And I'm gonna have to start crying until they agree to keep paying me two dollars a month.

• 8:30Justin Roczniak?

  Exactly, exactly. You know, that's the prob, problem with ten thousand losses. You know, Liam and Tom actually care about the listeners.

• 8:36Liam McAnderson?

  And slow down.

• 8:41November Kelly?

  I care profoundly. I'm just aware that I'm constantly letting them down. It's a real kind of like, I have a kind of a deadbeat dad relationship with the listener, you know?

• 8:50Justin Roczniak?

  I went out for a USB C cord and never came back.

• 8:53Liam McAnderson?

  I'm right here, man.

• 8:57November Kelly?

  Not even born yet.

• 9:01Justin Roczniak?

  All right. All right. Um, yeah. So everything's on fire. There's wildfires everywhere right now. I mean, I guess that's the new normal for summer.

• 9:10Liam McAnderson?

  And tornadoes in Philly, lots of them.

• 9:13November Kelly?

  Yeah, it turns out that a huge drought in the UK, which means that like the, the White Cliffs of Dover are now brown, along with all of the grass, which is dead and brown. Grease is on fire. Uh, but the biggest one is, uh, in, uh, like, um, southwestern France, uh, in Bordeaux, particularly like Bordeaux is getting like, maybe like consumed by a wildfire, which, uh, is bad news. If you're one of the like hundreds of thousands of people who live there. Um, if you are Riley from Trash Future, it's also terrible news for the wine region. And it's extending to like Spain as well.

• 9:50Justin Roczniak?

  Uh, you know, I, they're gonna have to work overtime in the Niagara escarpment microclimate.

• 9:56November Kelly?

  Yeah, also.

• 9:57Liam McAnderson?

  Ooh, ice wide.

• 9:58Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. But there was also, uh, also big, uh, big, uh, whatchamacallit wildfires up in Canada. Uh, we got those in Philly. I had, you know, and we got, well, we got the, the soot and the smoke from it, uh, in Philly. And it was real bad in Boston, I understand, though I managed to like, like, uh, shoot the gauntlet with that one. Cause I, I went to Cape Cod, right? When the smoke got better in Boston and worse in Philly.

• 10:23November Kelly?

  That's kind of how I feel living in Glasgow. When the UK has like four consecutive heat waves, it's 35 degrees. Uh, like people in London are texting me like it's like sleeping in the fucking oven and I'm up here and it's a balmy like 25 or whatever, you know? Cause I feel like I'm getting away with something.

• 10:43Justin Roczniak?

  You know, this is the, this is, this is gonna be, you know, the future. Uh, if, if people, well, if people don't want to install air conditioning, time to get a vacation house up north.

• 10:55Liam McAnderson?

  To Halifax you go.

• 10:56Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 10:57November Kelly?

  I, I guess the sort of good news is if you feel like you're getting away with something now, don't worry, it won't last.

• 11:02Justin Roczniak?

  That won't last. Yeah, exactly. Although I will say the worst swampiest weather I've ever experienced was in Moncton, New Brunswick.

• 11:10Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, it's the coast there.

• 11:11Justin Roczniak?

  That was terrible. That was really bad.

• 11:13November Kelly?

  So like the thing, the thing about, the thing about living in the frozen north, right? The true north, strong and free is I once, uh, I once read something when I was having a lot of like anxiety about flying on a plane, about like what seat is the safest to sit in on a plane, right? Statistically. Um, and it's like, uh, uh, am I safer sitting in like one of the back rows towards the tail? So that way when it like the plane augers in, I'm like at the back. And the response to that was, do you think it matters? Which end of the banana goes into the food processor last, right? That's kind of how I feel about climate change and living in the north.

• 11:53Justin Roczniak?

  Yep.

• 11:55Liam McAnderson?

  Well, congratulations.

• 11:56November Kelly?

  Again, I'm gonna talk about all of this with my therapist. I, I, nowadays I need one.

• 12:02Liam McAnderson?

  And I will be billing Roz for the trouble.

• 12:05Justin Roczniak?

  Uh, it's been a couple of months. I haven't even brought up, uh, climate change with my therapist yet. Um, I don't know. We'll do that in a bit. Got other, got other deep seated anxieties and insecurities to work through, but you know, we'll get to that eventually.

• 12:18Liam McAnderson?

  You wanna start with, you wanna start with the big one or you wanna just get right into it? Um?

• 12:23Justin Roczniak?

  No, no, no. This is for the therapist, not for the listeners.

• 12:28Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. And, and other, and other news.

• 12:36Justin Roczniak?

  Lindsey Graham died. What a fucking, what a waste of a human being. No.

• 12:44November Kelly?

  I said, listen, expecting, not expecting you to actually listen to me. Sorry.

• 12:48Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, shit. All right. Well, we're waiting.

• 12:53November Kelly?

  All right, fine. Jesus. I was gonna say rest in power. Cause that's a funny thing to say about Lindsey Graham.

• 12:59Justin Roczniak?

  That is a funny, that's a funny thing to say about Lindsey Graham. Lindsey Graham, um, here, here is something, here is something which is frustrating. I don't know. One of our nation's great archetypes is gay fruity southern guy. And Lindsey Graham never quite made the grade. He never made it out of the closet.

• 13:19November Kelly?

  No, it's terrible. I mean, this is the thing, right?

• 13:22Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 13:22November Kelly?

  He could have been, he could have been great, but instead he really wanted to see Iran get bombed. I'm so frustrated that he lived to see that before he died.

• 13:32Liam McAnderson?

  Me too.

• 13:33Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, yeah. No, it's, it's really, it's shitty in general. What a waste of human life, you know?

• 13:40November Kelly?

  This guy, this guy, he fucking died coming because he got to like get the war he always wanted.

• 13:46Liam McAnderson?

  Auto or asphyxiation? Hell yeah.

• 13:48November Kelly?

  Yeah. I, I mean, the thing is, he ran for president one time, right? As a sort of no hope of candidate. And at one point, I, I didn't know this at the time because I wasn't paying attention, but he's, his senate seat is being taken over temporarily or maybe like permanently by his.

• 14:04Liam McAnderson?

  Question mark?

• 14:05November Kelly?

  His sister, yes, his sister, who is his like, his adopted sister, his like heir, his like et cetera, et cetera. Right? She was gonna be the first lady if he was president, which is crazy to think about as the kind of like, yeah, America has a gay president and a, and a sort of like sister wife. And no one's allowed to sort of comment, but everyone.

• 14:28Liam McAnderson?

  USA, USA.

• 14:32November Kelly?

  This is like one of those TNO sort of paths that gets like out of control, you know?

• 14:36Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, that's, that, Jesus Christ. Yeah. I, I, I, I guess, yeah, you, you just gotta, all you can say is rest in piss. I mean, you know, this is, this is, uh, anyway, that, you, you gotta, um, I don't know. There's, there's some amount of contempt you gotta have for someone who, you know, uh, I know, I know that like the straights are not supposed to make gay jokes about Lindsey Graham.

• 15:01November Kelly?

  It's fine. I give you my blessing.

• 15:05Justin Roczniak?

  Okay, okay. That just, just, just if you, if, if you are a gay person, just come out of the closet and don't be a politician that oppresses gay people.

• 15:17November Kelly?

  Well, I mean, even, even the Democrats of his generation couldn't handle that necessarily. But like, no, I mean, I, I guess the thing is, the lesson is if you are in politics, particularly in the senate, you know, you have to, um, sort of take time for yourself, take mental health, like Mitch McConnell was doing, you know?

• 15:36Justin Roczniak?

  That's true. That's true. Mitch McConnell is, uh, having a, a savagical.

• 15:41Liam McAnderson?

  They sewed Lindsey Graham's brain into Mitch McConnell's body. Duh.

• 15:47November Kelly?

  Mitch McConnell's gonna come back.

• 15:52Justin Roczniak?

  He's got a, he's got a, it's a situation like, uh, what's it? Uh, crank T. Nelson with the brain in the, in the compartment in the stomach.

• 16:02November Kelly?

  Hmm. My favorite, my favorite thing was the Trump eulogy, right? Because they gave Trump the eulogy and they, they told him to say, everybody loved Lindsey Graham. And he went off book because he's the funniest president. And he was like, well, not everybody. I'll just say that. He was a tough cookie. The final insults.

• 16:24Liam McAnderson?

  And he deserved it because he was a coward. Uh, I, I, I, I, you know, it's sort of the same way I feel about Ted Cruz is that obviously his politics are heinous and repulsive. But the thing I feel about Lindsey Graham is like, you were best friends with John McCain and then which like, who sucked obviously, but then

• 16:40November Kelly?

  Yeah.

• 16:40Liam McAnderson?

  you couldn't even honor your dead friend's legacy and you became a Trump stick of it? Like die on your sword, man.

• 16:46November Kelly?

  Yeah, for real.

• 16:47Justin Roczniak?

  I was about to say, definitely a poster child for one of those Republicans who really had to, had to, uh, you know, very critical of Trump at one point and had to, uh, you know, suck it all up and kiss the ring. I still remember he went on, I, I want to say like the, uh, the, the Daily Show, I think.

• 17:03November Kelly?

  God.

• 17:03Justin Roczniak?

  Maybe it was Colbert Report back in 2012, when it was Hillary and Trump running. And he was like, well, would you rather be shot or poisoned?

• 17:11November Kelly?

  Incredible.

• 17:13Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 17:13Liam McAnderson?

  It was 2016 and I, I think he was talking about Ted Cruz and Trump. And it was just like, so what happened, Lindsey?

• 17:18November Kelly?

  You got shot, I guess.

• 17:21Liam McAnderson?

  You fucking moron.

• 17:23Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, he got shot. Yeah. Well, he is now, he's dead and Trump isn't. Who won that one?

• 17:30Liam McAnderson?

  Speaking of, oh, I can I, can I quote from the Wiki here?

• 17:34Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 17:34Liam McAnderson?

  Uh, in 29th, February of 2019, Mark Leavick interviewed Graham for the New York Times Magazine. He asked Graham how he became Trump supporter. Graham responded that he was attempting, quote, to be relevant. Jesus fucking Christ. You're already Senator. What more do you need, fuckface?

• 17:50November Kelly?

  It's like, no, I have to like chase power.

• 17:52Justin Roczniak?

  Office.

• 17:53November Kelly?

  You know, like I have to, I have to sort of like, you know, be in the room, right? Because nothing would be worse than being.

• 18:00Liam McAnderson?

  Gotta get better at dying on your swords. Start dying on your swords and be better at it.

• 18:04Justin Roczniak?

  Well, speaking of dead Grahams.

• 18:13Justin Roczniak?

  We're definitely a bit late on this one, but I, I just wanted to voice my opinion about Graham Plardner.

• 18:19November Kelly?

  Please.

• 18:20Justin Roczniak?

  In the damn hell was all that for?

• 18:22November Kelly?

  Yeah, it's like, no, we had to get.

• 18:24Justin Roczniak?

  Do that?

• 18:25November Kelly?

  We had to get this guy. It had to be him. There wasn't anyone else, apparently, I guess. I, nobody fact checked me, but I'm pretty certain that from day one, we took the correct line on this guy, which is, no.

• 18:38Liam McAnderson?

  Highly skeptical.

• 18:39Justin Roczniak?

  What the hell is wrong with, yeah, this is, this is, yeah, I just, no, absolutely not. I, I, I've, I've been Fetterman before.

• 18:47Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, me too.

• 18:48November Kelly?

  Yeah.

• 18:48Liam McAnderson?

  People still, like, people still go after me twice.

• 18:52Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 18:53Liam McAnderson?

  I, uh, dude, it just came out yesterday. I think that the guy who basically orchestrated his rise has now also been credibly accused of sexual assault.

• 19:01November Kelly?

  For fuck's sake.

• 19:03Liam McAnderson?

  I know.

• 19:04November Kelly?

  Trying to do like a kind of left rapist caucus. Yeah, no, I.

• 19:08Liam McAnderson?

  Let's not do that.

• 19:09Justin Roczniak?

  God.

• 19:09November Kelly?

  No, no. I mean, so in just on the off chance that you've been living under a rock, this is Graham Plathner, the like main Senate candidate, uh, who was in hot water.

• 19:20Justin Roczniak?

  He had a nice tattoo.

• 19:22November Kelly?

  Yeah. For having the sort of like death's head Nazi tattoo, talked his way out of that one, then got in trouble for some old Reddit comments, talked his way out of that one. Then got credibly accused of sexual assault by multiple women, tried to talk his way out of that one, too. Um, and, and then finally at long last had this really petulant resignation.

• 19:44Justin Roczniak?

  Thank fucking God. I, this whole, this whole saga was like, I, I don't know. It caused me like physical stress to watch it play out. It's like, what the hell? People who I like and respect were putting their, you know, reputations on the line for this guy. And it's like this, what, what, why are we doing this? You know, well, it's over now. It's gone. It's.

• 20:08November Kelly?

  Yeah.

• 20:09Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 20:09November Kelly?

  And what, what have we learned? Seemingly less than nothing.

• 20:13Justin Roczniak?

  Nothing. Absolutely nothing. This will happen again.

• 20:16November Kelly?

  We, listen, the American left is going to keep searching for the woke chuds until the heat death of the universe, you know?

• 20:23Liam McAnderson?

  This, I can, I can do this and I'm not a rapist.

• 20:27Justin Roczniak?

  This, this has convinced me, right? The only legitimate, the only candidates that the left should put up for any political office, you know, we gotta lean into it. It's gotta be Muslim, women of color with a PhD.

• 20:45November Kelly?

  I mean, that's just factually true. Like if you, if you think about Darielisa Chevalier, right? She had some, it's some incredibly hot takes back in the day, right? But I don't think anyone's gonna come out of the woodwork. And I, this would be a horrible thing to become ironic, but I don't think anyone's gonna come out of the woodwork and accuse her of like sexual misconduct in that sense, you know?

• 21:08November Kelly?

  Whereas this guy, looking at him, I would say it was pretty obvious to a lot of people, particularly a lot of women, right? That maybe this guy was not in fact, the sort of great, uh, great hope of the left, you know?

• 21:21Liam McAnderson?

  We gotta stop running ogres.

• 21:23November Kelly?

  We got anti-ogre populism. Yeah.

• 21:26Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Justin Roczniak?

  Damn. It isn't easy being green. Um, but you know, the, uh, wasn't there like a poll, like really early on in the campaign with Plathner versus his, uh, other Democratic opponent? And, you know, Plathner was leading in every category except like LGBTQ, um, where he was severely underwater. It's like people, people could, people could figure this out, you know?

• 21:53November Kelly?

  Yeah. You get a sense of it. I guess. It, it's one of these things, I guess, where you have to sort of try and, I, I don't know why there's this libidinal desire, but like everyone has it, right? And it never works out for doomed candidates, right? Where, you know, i- if you're sort of a Republican, that looks like running Blake Masters in Arizona, where it's like, uh, sort of like running this, you know, mass shooter looking motherfucker against an astronaut. Um, if you are, uh, like a liberal Democrat, it looks like running some no hope of former like army aviation colonel who's like, my record of service speaks for itself. I care about like small businesses against the worst

• 22:38November Kelly?

  chud you can imagine. And they get stomped. If you're on the left, it looks like, oh, we gotta, we gotta woke ogre. We got like a guy who's like six, seven and respects your pronouns. Like, I guess.

• 22:50Justin Roczniak?

  He wasn't just a troop. He was a private military contractor.

• 22:53Liam McAnderson?

  He worked for Blackwater, like, like pretty late too, right? Wasn't it like 2018? He worked for Blackwater?

• 22:59Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 23:00November Kelly?

  Well, the funniest thing is if you got into the paper trail and read his, his fucking Reddit comments, which again should be disqualifying just as a use of the medium. Um, then he's like, yeah, I, I, I got into Blackwater to find out if it was bad or not. And it was like, cool, dude. Thank you.

• 23:19Justin Roczniak?

  Okay. I, I had touched the poop. It was me.

• 23:26Justin Roczniak?

  I wanted to see if it was poop or not.

• 23:29Liam McAnderson?

  It is always poop. It is always poop.

• 23:32Justin Roczniak?

  I don't think that reflects well on you.

• 23:34November Kelly?

  No, no.

• 23:37Justin Roczniak?

  So yeah, I've, I don't know. Good, good riddance to bad rubbish is all I can say. Glad we no longer have to think about this man. This is, this is the last time I will be thinking about this man in my entire life, I hope.

• 23:50Liam McAnderson?

  He said overly confidently.

• 23:51Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, I know.

• 23:52November Kelly?

  You have to now, now you have to think about whoever they get to replace him, which is going to be another kind of like, you know, uh, dirty jobs, motherfucker. So it's like, they're gonna find a guy who like is a logger or like is a fucking, I don't know, ice road trucker. I don't know a third thing they haven't made.

• 24:09Liam McAnderson?

  Mike Rowe.

• 24:11Justin Roczniak?

  Folks, we need a Mike Rowe of the left.

• 24:13Liam McAnderson?

  Isn't that just you?

• 24:18Justin Roczniak?

  All right. All right. We have one more news item, possibly the most important one.

• 24:23November Kelly?

  Okay.

• 24:28Liam McAnderson?

  Wow. This one makes me mad.

• 24:30Justin Roczniak?

  LeBron James, LeBron James has signed on with the Sixers.

• 24:36Liam McAnderson?

  We are going to.

• 24:36Justin Roczniak?

  He will be living in New York City, apparently.

• 24:39November Kelly?

  I mean, LeBron to the Sixers in and of itself feels like one of those apocalyptic portents, you know, like more than even the wildfires.

• 24:47Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is.

• 24:50Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Yeah. That absolutely is true. Um, but he is, he is going to live apparently in New York City and he is going to commute to the training, uh, center each day via helicopter.

• 25:03November Kelly?

  Don't do that. That's too much talent to put at risk.

• 25:08Justin Roczniak?

  That's, I was about to say.

• 25:10Liam McAnderson?

  Take the goddamn river ride. 20,000 moving parts looking for a place to crash.

• 25:15November Kelly?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:17Justin Roczniak?

  This is not, this is not, uh, this is not like, you know, where, where did Kobe's helicopter crash?

• 25:23Liam McAnderson?

  LA.

• 25:24Justin Roczniak?

  LA. Yeah. They don't have weather there. This is the East Coast. There's thunderstorms every fucking day all summer.

• 25:30November Kelly?

  This is, this is like hearing that a sort of beloved friend is gonna get their motorcycle license in middle age, you know, like.

• 25:38Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, I keep petitioning my wife to let me do it and I keep.

• 25:41November Kelly?

  Yeah, so do I. I also want one. And like, if anyone lets me get one, they are responsible for my inevitable and grisly demise.

• 25:51Justin Roczniak?

  This is, uh, the whole, the whole thing is, uh, you know, it, it, other than being an apocalyptic omen of the end times, it does feel like sort of a slap in the face because I, you know, when we heard LeBron was coming, um, the first thing that like June and Bruce and I were on about was like, okay, where's he gonna live? You know, this is exciting, you know, because Philly is a place that's cheap enough and has enough big, grand old houses, you know, it's not like a totally out of the question that LeBron moves on to your block. No, he's gonna live in New York City. What an asshole.

• 26:24November Kelly?

  We considered that he's only doing this maybe to be in a, like the smallest possible minority of those, how do you commute to work graphs? To be the one guy who commutes by helicopter? Yeah.

• 26:36Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, the one guy. Well, that, that number keeps getting, every time it gets up to like two or three, it starts dropping down.

• 26:42Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah. It's, uh, nature, nature heals is what I'll say. Uh, I do, I, I do think that like, so all the Flyers live in Voorhees, all the Eagles live in Moorestown, uh, except for Jason Kelsey lives somewhere on the main line. Just live on the main line. There are so many grand old hotels, houses you could have LeBron. You could have multiple grand old houses. You're worth billions of dollars.

• 27:04Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 27:05November Kelly?

  Yeah, for real. Just buy, buy an old palace.

• 27:08Liam McAnderson?

  I don't know.

• 27:09November Kelly?

  Yeah. Buy, buy an old, you know, sort of like Gilded Age palace and restore it or don't restore it. Do something completely new with it, you know, like either way, better take your life in your hands. Yeah.

• 27:20Justin Roczniak?

  Honest to God, I mean, you know, if you live in New York City, it's probably faster to take the train than the helicopter.

• 27:25Liam McAnderson?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 27:28Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Ask M track if you can attach a private car to one of the regionals.

• 27:31Liam McAnderson?

  They'll let you do it. You're LeBron James.

• 27:33Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Yeah. I was about to say, they won't, they won't let us do it anymore, but.

• 27:36November Kelly?

  The LeBron James presidential train car is an incredible bet. Doing a whistle stop tour of the Northeast corridor.

• 27:44Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. At least Georgia 300. Um, you know, Barack Obama did it. LeBron James is at least as important as Barack Obama.

• 27:57Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, I don't know. It's frustrating. Uh, go, go, go Sixers.

• 28:02Liam McAnderson?

  And we have Jalen Brown now, so that'll be great vibes, baby.

• 28:07Justin Roczniak?

  Yep.

• 28:07Liam McAnderson?

  All vibes, no breaks right until the third round playoff exit.

• 28:12Justin Roczniak?

  That was the goddamn news.

• 28:18Justin Roczniak?

  All right.

• 28:19November Kelly?

  That's all, folks.

• 28:20Justin Roczniak?

  We have to start, we have to start with a question. No, actually several questions. I, I really employed the Socratic method on this one.

• 28:27Liam McAnderson?

  Attaboy.

• 28:28Justin Roczniak?

  What, what is Paraguay?

• 28:31November Kelly?

  Um, it's like Uruguay, but harder to make into a homophobic joke.

• 28:39Justin Roczniak?

  That's, that's when you jump out of a plane and you're gay.

• 28:42Liam McAnderson?

  God damn it.

• 28:46Liam McAnderson?

  The triple.

• 28:47November Kelly?

  Come upon the rises? That's nothing. That's nothing.

• 28:50Liam McAnderson?

  The triple, the war of the triple alliance and then a bunch of military dictators, uh, like soybeans and shit, I think. I don't know.

• 28:57Justin Roczniak?

  I, I would say the people of Paraguay have had a very long run of bad luck.

• 29:03November Kelly?

  So I, I wasn't expecting Liam to pull out the sort of CIA world fax book, you know, it's just like, yeah, the OECD says that it mostly explores soybeans. It's like.

• 29:11Liam McAnderson?

  So I, so I, uh, I'm A, I'm quick with it on Wikipedia and B, I remember the, the triple alliance war because I was lecturing Corin on it one time a couple of months ago.

• 29:22November Kelly?

  I mean, that is cool.

• 29:23Liam McAnderson?

  Thank you. Thank you. She didn't pick it up.

• 29:26November Kelly?

  The chief sort of, no, I mean, this is the thing. The chief reason for learning any history is to lecture your wife who is not interested.

• 29:32Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, she's not. She's not. She's not. Like, my favorite thing is that about Corinne is I'm just like, we're gonna watch World War II with Tom Hanks and she goes, uh, like, but I wanna watch a Disney movie. No, no, no, I'm the man and therefore we watch what I want.

• 29:47November Kelly?

  Well, at this point.

• 29:48Liam McAnderson?

  They find me dead with 38 stab wounds and they're all very confused.

• 29:51November Kelly?

  Yeah, and they're, they're right to do it, but also at this point, World War II with Tom Hanks is a Disney movie.

• 29:57Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, I, you know, no one ever take it, no one ever takes me up on my idea for, uh, you know, submarine movie date night, you know?

• 30:04Liam McAnderson?

  I, I, I actually, I did, I am stealing that from you.

• 30:08November Kelly?

  You would get marriage proposals in the comments. You may already be getting.

• 30:13Liam McAnderson?

  You are. Uh, yeah, well, yeah.

• 30:15Justin Roczniak?

  You wanna go watch, hey, let's, let's, uh, let's, uh, you know.

• 30:18Liam McAnderson?

  Let's watch Das Boot, uh, U571, K19.

• 30:23Justin Roczniak?

  I'll, I'll, I'll make a, I'll make a nice dinner. We'll watch Das Boot. We'll, we'll watch Hunt for Red October.

• 30:29November Kelly?

  Here is like Jürgen Prochnow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:34Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, I've, my favorite new podcast, Kill James Ross.

• 30:37Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, no, it's, uh, no, it's, it's, uh, the, the important thing is there should be absolutely no women in the movie.

• 30:46November Kelly?

  Hmm. Yeah, no, that is important. That is absolutely important in the submarine movie.

• 30:50Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, the Bechdel test of Ross is just like, if it passes, I'm turning it off.

• 30:56Justin Roczniak?

  No, if it even comes close to like, it can't even be applied.

• 31:01Justin Roczniak?

  Anyway, anyway.

• 31:02Liam McAnderson?

  I made Corinne, I made Corinne sit through like half of Apollo 13. She was like, when does it blow up? And I'm like, it doesn't. That's the best.

• 31:08November Kelly?

  It's a great movie. Yeah.

• 31:11Justin Roczniak?

  Anyway.

• 31:12November Kelly?

  It's like Apollo 13 is like edging, engineering style. Sorry.

• 31:15Liam McAnderson?

  Yes, Ross.

• 31:16Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, ladies.

• 31:18Liam McAnderson?

  Don't know what it says on me, but I responded to ladies, but.

• 31:20Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, yeah. Submarine movie date night. Hit me up. Anyway, no, Paraguay, you know, this is, this is a country that's had.

• 31:27Liam McAnderson?

  For 50 US dollars, I will give you Ross's cell phone number and you too can be ignored.

• 31:37November Kelly?

  Listen, it's, it's not just him. Some of us do not respond. I have years old Discord messages that I've been meaning to get to and I'm so sorry.

• 31:46Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, I don't check Discord. You can, you can text me. That is the one way to reach me or you can bug my wife, uh, who will probably ignore you. That's fine. Tell me about Paraguay, Ross.

• 31:54Justin Roczniak?

  Paraguay is, uh, generally, generally a, a, a country that's had a bad run of luck. You know, it is, it is landlocked. It is one of two landlocked countries in South America. The other one being Bolivia. Has a long history of these sort of awful right wing authoritarian governments. Um, it, it was a belligerent in the war of the triple alliance and came off, uh, by, by far the worst.

• 32:22Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, they got rocked.

• 32:24Justin Roczniak?

  That was, that was, that was very bad. Um, yeah, and Paraguay, I, I feel like, you know, people, people just don't, don't think about Paraguay very much. I, I certainly do not. Um, cause I, I don't know. When I think about South America, it's, it's, uh, it's always.

• 32:42Liam McAnderson?

  Getting real mad about Argentina. Yeah.

• 32:44Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, well, Argentina or Brazil.

• 32:46November Kelly?

  And you're right to do it. Yeah.

• 32:48Justin Roczniak?

  Yes. But yeah, this is, this is a country I think has had a pretty long run of bad luck. I mean, it's got, it's got like one city. It's Asuncion, which is the capital. There's like another one somewhere in here too, but it's like smaller. Um, I, they, I, I mean, in terms of like, you know, economic development, I, they don't even have a railroad in there. My God.

• 33:11Liam McAnderson?

  What's Ross to do?

• 33:13Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, it's a pretty, uh, pretty, uh, pretty underdeveloped, pretty, uh, it, it's, it's not like, it, it, it's not like super impoverished, but it's, it, this is a country that's always been dealt a pretty bad hand, right?

• 33:27Liam McAnderson?

  Sure.

• 33:27Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Now we have to ask more questions. What is a drop ceiling?

• 33:32Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, God. Uh, the bane of your existence.

• 33:35November Kelly?

  Like in the back rooms?

• 33:37Justin Roczniak?

  Like in the back rooms. Yeah. So the drop ceiling as shown here, these sort of tiled, these, these ceilings with the big standardized tiles. The old ones are made out of asbestos. The new ones are made out of, you know, a lot of asbestos substitutes that, you know, don't work as well, but that's life, you know? The, a drop ceiling is nice because you can.

• 33:59November Kelly?

  That we put all these in like every British school and we all spent all day throwing like pens up to stick in them and showering.

• 34:08November Kelly?

  Or you take a, or like throwing people up there.

• 34:11Justin Roczniak?

  Tile in the boys bathroom and you store snacks up there, you know?

• 34:17November Kelly?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:18Liam McAnderson?

  Sure, man.

• 34:19Justin Roczniak?

  Or other stuff.

• 34:21Liam McAnderson?

  Contraband.

• 34:22November Kelly?

  Get the asbestos Pringles and some, and some, and some weed.

• 34:26Justin Roczniak?

  Delicious. Well, the problem with asbestos, uh, in weed is that it's harder to smoke.

• 34:33Liam McAnderson?

  I need my asbestos vape.

• 34:35November Kelly?

  It won't light. What the fuck?

• 34:39November Kelly?

  My asbestos vape that does nothing.

• 34:47Justin Roczniak?

  So drop ceilings are actually a pretty good roofing system or ceiling system, right? You, they're on hangers from the ceiling, right? That supports the sort of metal grid. You insert the tiles individually. Some of the tiles are lights, right? This is useful because you can use it to conceal utilities like electrical wires, like HVAC ducting, like telecommunications line, plumbing, so on and so forth, all the building systems. Right? So you don't have to look at them, right? Uh, and then it's an easy place to put lighting, horrible, ugly overhead lighting, but lighting just the same.

• 35:23Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, the urine tinged one. Yeah.

• 35:25Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, exactly. Um, one.

• 35:28November Kelly?

  Yeah, this is a real like architectural feature that makes people wanna kill themselves.

• 35:32Justin Roczniak?

  One of the very useful things, especially in oddly shaped or older buildings, is that drop ceilings reduce the amount of volume of the building that needs to be climate controlled, right? There's a big air gap above the drop ceiling that does not need climate control.

• 35:51Justin Roczniak?

  So I, let me, I'll give you an example of this, which is, uh, the shop wrong.

• 35:58Justin Roczniak?

  This is, this, this, Liam and I used to live very close to this. This is the Supremo Food Market at 43rd and Walnut. We used to call it the shop wrong.

• 36:08Justin Roczniak?

  Proto selection's great. I wouldn't trust the meat selection though.

• 36:11Liam McAnderson?

  Do not do that. No, you will, you will get turbo diarrhea.

• 36:14Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, no, no.

• 36:15Liam McAnderson?

  It's not a matter of if or, or when. It is a matter of certainty.

• 36:20Justin Roczniak?

  It is the only place I could find to reliably get dried Mexican chilies though.

• 36:25Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah.

• 36:26Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 36:27November Kelly?

  Ooh.

• 36:28Justin Roczniak?

  So this is, this is an old pen fruit. You can see by this large thin shell concrete roof here, right? When this opened as a pen fruit, this entire facade would have been a great big glass sheet, right? One of the problems with the Pen Fruit Company is that all their buildings were incredibly expensive to heat and cool because they did that, cause it looks cool. But you know, it's, it's, it's difficult to do climate control in there. So when this became the Supremo Food Market, which I think the sign over here says Supreme Shopping Bag. You know, this is, this is one of those, one of those stores that has four signs that say four different things.

• 37:09Justin Roczniak?

  You know, um, they took a look at the Pen Fruit, uh, design. They're like, we can't afford that. They painted over the glass up here, right? And inside, of course, they installed a drop ceiling at the same height as the rest of the store. And that means this entire volume here, which is otherwise only for aesthetics, that entire volume is now unheated and uncooled. So they're saving a lot of money doing that.

• 37:36Liam McAnderson?

  It does say save a lot right there, Ross.

• 37:38November Kelly?

  You have a kind of decorative hump.

• 37:40Justin Roczniak?

  Pretty much. Yeah. Well, no, it's thin shell concrete. This arch is entirely structural. It's just that you don't get the extra headroom in there anymore. But yeah, so that's, that's, that's the purpose of the drop ceiling, uh, especially in older buildings is like, you reduce the amount of space. You have the air conditioning that you have to heat. And this is one of the reasons they're so ubiquitous. You see them everywhere. They're easy to maintain. They're easy to get parts for, cause they're so ubiquitous. They just work, they, they work really good at what they do. Um, they save you a lot of money. The drop ceiling, it's ugly, but it works. Um, that's, that's about all I could say on that one.

• 38:16November Kelly?

  Same. I hear that.

• 38:19Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Okay. We're gonna do a third one, a third, a third Socratic question. What is?

• 38:24Liam McAnderson?

  We're on the heater today.

• 38:24November Kelly?

  Go on, Socrates.

• 38:25Justin Roczniak?

  What is paralysis?

• 38:27November Kelly?

  Uh, it's the thing that makes your favorite whiskey smell and taste good.

• 38:33Liam McAnderson?

  I was gonna say it's the, the thing where you can't move your limbs so good.

• 38:35Justin Roczniak?

  No, that's, that's the, that's paralysis.

• 38:38Liam McAnderson?

  Yep, that's the joke asshole.

• 38:39Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, no, okay, okay. Anyway, anyway. All right. So stuff can catch on fire, right? Hopefully everyone knows that.

• 38:48Liam McAnderson?

  What? Yeah, right?

• 38:49Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 38:52November Kelly?

  Not my asbestos.

• 38:54Liam McAnderson?

  That is gonna make it through to the end times.

• 38:55Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Now, fire, fire needs oxygen, right? And if there's not very much present or none, then certain chemical changes can occur in the stuff that we call paralysis, right? And this is sort of, you're weakening molecular bonds in usually organic matter due to heat and heat alone. It's not combustion. This is just due to the heat. You know, we have big molecules that become smaller and lighter molecules.

• 39:24November Kelly?

  And we have some lovely, like, examples of some wood.

• 39:27Justin Roczniak?

  Yes. Got some charcoal here. That's a product of paralysis. This usually results in off gassing of various, you know, volatile and usually flammable gases, right? And if they're flammable gases, they're in the presence of heat. They may even be in the presence of an ignition source, but there's not enough oxygen for them to burn, right? So they just sort of hang around. And they, the, the, the, the removal of these and the weakening of molecular bonds may actually make the material in question undergoing paralysis much more readily combustible. And a great example is charcoal, right?

• 40:08Justin Roczniak?

  You heat the wood until it turns black and then, you know, in the presence of no oxygen, right? And the resulting product, when removed, will actually burn much hotter than just straight wood.

• 40:24Justin Roczniak?

  You know, it burns hotter, it burns cleaner, and it burns brighter than it did before. That's why you can use it to grill.

• 40:30November Kelly?

  My favorite paralysis is caramelization.

• 40:34Justin Roczniak?

  Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Love to do it to some onions. I did that two days ago, actually.

• 40:40Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, yeah. Cook it forever.

• 40:42Justin Roczniak?

  And so paralysis occurs to most organic matter, really basically anything flammable. It's a useful chemical process for a lot of things. It's a nightmare for firefighters, though. Let's, let's, uh, let's go here.

• 40:53November Kelly?

  Yeah, they gotta spend ages waiting for the onions to caramelize.

• 40:57Justin Roczniak?

  Exactly, exactly. Those guys love cooking.

• 41:00Liam McAnderson?

  I want chili right now.

• 41:02Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, firefighter chili. Oh, my God. Yeah. Are you a firefighter? Invite us to your firehouse for the chili cook-off, please.

• 41:09Liam McAnderson?

  Please.

• 41:10November Kelly?

  This is, this is biblical levels of greed. First, you want a submarine movie date night. Second, you want to hang out with the firefighters and eat chili. This is like.

• 41:18Liam McAnderson?

  I like chili. I thought, I thought I shaved the fat.

• 41:21Justin Roczniak?

  I want the, I want the.

• 41:23Liam McAnderson?

  Which one of us is asking for $200 on Twitter, Nova?

• 41:27Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. No, no, no. You know what else?

• 41:29November Kelly?

  Give me $200.

• 41:31Justin Roczniak?

  Give me a, give me a Corvette engine ignition ringtone, too.

• 41:39November Kelly?

  Listing the three coolest things you can think of, and you know what? You're right about every single one of them.

• 41:47Justin Roczniak?

  So now we have to ask, okay, what is flashover?

• 41:50Liam McAnderson?

  Bad.

• 41:50Justin Roczniak?

  This is one of the biggest dangers to firefighters, a flashover, right? How do we explain flashover? Okay, imagine you go to West Virginia University.

• 42:00Liam McAnderson?

  Yes, I do.

• 42:01November Kelly?

  Yeah, I don't want to, but okay.

• 42:03Liam McAnderson?

  Right, yes.

• 42:03Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, go, go Mountaineers. It's fall. The leaves are changing. It's a beautiful, bright, cloudless day. Temperature's perfect. You can wear a nice sweater and everything. You just finished your last midterm, right? There's birds chirping out there. There's squirrels and raccoons and possums and all the other Appalachian animals, right? And you're riding the, the Morgantown Personal Rapid Transit System from the school back to your apartment in downtown Morgantown, right along the banks of the shimmering Monongahela River. It's beautiful mirror finish today, right? You know, you're having a great day, and then you get the good news. Mountaineers won. It was a tough game, but the Mountaineers won.

• 42:45Liam McAnderson?

  Eat shit, Pitt.

• 42:46Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 42:47November Kelly?

  Taking, taking a long walk up to this one, huh?

• 42:50Liam McAnderson?

  We got time, we got time.

• 42:52Justin Roczniak?

  You know, you know what you're doing.

• 42:54November Kelly?

  No, no, no.

• 42:55Justin Roczniak?

  You know what you're doing later that evening.

• 42:57Liam McAnderson?

  Lighting a couch on fire.

• 42:59Justin Roczniak?

  It's time to burn a couch.

• 43:02November Kelly?

  Ah, I see. Okay.

• 43:05Liam McAnderson?

  College football fucking rules.

• 43:11Justin Roczniak?

  Now, traditionally, this is done outdoors, but let's say you and your friends are particularly stupid and/or drunk, right?

• 43:19Liam McAnderson?

  Again, you go to West Virginia. You are drunk.

• 43:22Justin Roczniak?

  You've had, you've had 14 or 15 rolling rocks. I don't know what beer they drink in Morgantown, to be honest. Yeah, probably Rolling Rock, yeah. Yeah.

• 43:33Justin Roczniak?

  None of you really want to move the thing, so you just set the thing on fire right there in the living room. As the flames spread along the upholstery, the living room, which you have since fled and shut the door to, the living room begins to lose oxygen. The flames die down a bit, but they haven't been extinguished, right? Various plastics.

• 43:55November Kelly?

  You're caramelizing this couch.

• 43:57Justin Roczniak?

  Yes. Various plastics, polymers, coatings, and so forth on the fabric begin, begin to paralyze into volatile gases that start to fill the room. When your roommate comes home from an important exam, he smells smoke. He's entirely sick of you and your friends' bullshit. He really starts to reconsider his decision to sign the lease. But anyway, he opens the door to the living room and, boom!

• 44:28Justin Roczniak?

  Oxygen rushes into the room. Those volatile flammable gases that are already heated rapidly combust. The couch fire roars back into life. The entire room is filled with flame immediately. Your roommate's face is melted off instantly. Most of his body is medium well now with a beautiful crust, right?

• 44:48Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, like that's, like that's safe for brain, yeah.

• 44:50November Kelly?

  It's a minor reaction, and you know what that is? Pyrolysis.

• 44:53Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, exactly. His funeral was closed casket.

• 45:00November Kelly?

  Smelled incredible, though.

• 45:04Justin Roczniak?

  I want you to use all your powers.

• 45:07November Kelly?

  You can, you can really tell when we record hungry, you know? But this is, this is what you get for not checking the temperature of every door that you open.

• 45:17Justin Roczniak?

  Yes. This is, this is a flashover. It's a very common, very deadly aspect of building fires. This is why firefighters have special procedures for opening doors and structure fires, because even with, you know, lots and lots of PPE, heavy firefighting codes, you know, the Mylar stuff, everything, the flashover can still kill you in seconds.

• 45:41November Kelly?

  Yeah, turns out.

• 45:42Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 45:43November Kelly?

  Which obviously is not desirable.

• 45:47Liam McAnderson?

  But you did beat Pitt, which is the most important thing.

• 45:49Justin Roczniak?

  That's true, yeah.

• 45:51November Kelly?

  Yeah, no, of course. And, and in order to celebrate this, you did create a kind of fuel air explosive in your dorm room with a sort of couch as the initiator.

• 46:01Justin Roczniak?

  That guy was a weird, dumb nerd, anyway.

• 46:07Justin Roczniak?

  So also, this is why ventilation of like gases resulting from cooking is important, right? Because paralysis is an effect of heat, not of combustion, so allowing gases from cooking to accumulate can be dangerous, especially in, you know, high-intensity, commercial kitchen-type operations.

• 46:29Justin Roczniak?

  So vent hoods and the associated ducting with them need to be powerful. They need to be short. They need to be direct. Too many bends in the ducting can allow for, let's say, a spot where vaporized oil can accumulate other products of paralysis, and that can clog the system up or do even nastier things.

• 46:48November Kelly?

  It's just like, oh, you have to climb into this duct like Die Hard in order to clean out this one grease trap, otherwise the entire building is getting napalm.

• 46:57Liam McAnderson?

  Time to move.

• 46:58Justin Roczniak?

  We'll get to that.

• 47:00November Kelly?

  God damn.

• 47:02Justin Roczniak?

  So now, now that we're 12 slides in, what was Icoa Bolaños?

• 47:08November Kelly?

  Well, I'll say one thing for it. It had a charmingly low-resolution logo.

• 47:11Justin Roczniak?

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is, uh, well, this is what was on Wikipedia. You know, I didn't want to, I, I, I didn't have time to, well, I did have time to open a vector program. I just chose not to.

• 47:23November Kelly?

  It is a compliment.

• 47:24Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 47:25Liam McAnderson?

  I like this. It reminds me of Penn Central.

• 47:28Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, this is, but very simply, this is a Paraguayan regional grocery store chain, you know, like the Acme, or Market Basket, or HEB, or Corb Torson's, or Gweps, or Chunky Friend.

• 47:44November Kelly?

  Win Dixie, Publix.

• 47:48November Kelly?

  It's like an, it's like an Aldi Sud or an Aldi Nord.

• 47:51Justin Roczniak?

  Or an Aldi Nord, yeah.

• 47:52Liam McAnderson?

  Or Wise Markets, the, the, the good one, not the bad one that I hate on Edgar Square.

• 47:57Justin Roczniak?

  Ooh, or Piggly Wiggly, or a, um, what else can I think of?

• 48:04Liam McAnderson?

  Nope, that's it, move on.

• 48:05Justin Roczniak?

  Nah, that's it, we're done. That's all the regional grocery store chains. So,

• 48:10Justin Roczniak?

  Juan Pio Paiva, Paiva, opened a butcher shop in 1978 and he expanded it into a supermarket in 1987. And then after that, he had enough, enough success to start opening new locations afterwards. There were four of these supermarkets in the Assunction area and they all had numbers. They were numbered one, two, three, and five.

• 48:33Liam McAnderson?

  Is this like, is this like letting pigs out numbered one, two, and four?

• 48:37Justin Roczniak?

  Oh yeah, this is big senior prank energy.

• 48:43November Kelly?

  Trying to catch the Yucua Balanos number four.

• 48:46Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, I sort of get the impression that this is a bit of an upscale chain of grocery stores, right? Like a Paraguayan Wegmans, right? By all accounts, apparently.

• 48:56November Kelly?

  Ooh, Paraguay Waitrose?

• 48:57Justin Roczniak?

  Ooh, yeah, yeah. You know, this, this seemed like a nice place to shop. The company also dabbled in food production. They had in-house labels for many common food stuffs. You know, they got some, they got some.

• 49:09November Kelly?

  Sort of Paraguayan Marks and Spencer's at this point, you know?

• 49:13Liam McAnderson?

  With a, with a fancy salmon that you had to pay 45 pounds for and you get the dressing on the side. Yeah.

• 49:18November Kelly?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:19Justin Roczniak?

  So, we're gonna talk about store number five.

• 49:22Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, this fucks.

• 49:23Justin Roczniak?

  Also called, uh, this one had a name. It was Botonico.

• 49:27Liam McAnderson?

  I assume this looks a lot better when it's on a golden flame.

• 49:30November Kelly?

  Yeah, this looks like a kind of Dorito explosion. I'm a big fan of it.

• 49:33Justin Roczniak?

  This building fucks. I really love this thing. It's, it's amazing to look at, yeah. Um, you know, if, if you're, if you're listening, uh, audio only, uh, what the hell is wrong with you? But also, yeah, sort of describe this. This is a sort of 1960s, uh, Googie design, right? Um, you know, a bunch of, yeah, a bunch of Doritos with some cutouts or windows. Um, got some glass blocks down here. Well, we'll talk about these later, actually. Um, you know, it's got this, this sign is, the sign rules, the neon rules, everything about it's great. I wanna, I wanna shop here. I'd like, I, if they opened this near me, I would be like, I'm, even if I knew what was gonna happen, I'd be like, I can probably get out of there in time.

• 50:18Liam McAnderson?

  Just.

• 50:19November Kelly?

  I would, I would want to buy like merch from this store's design, you know, like a hat that looks like, you know, like the Wisconsin like cheese hat?

• 50:27Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:28November Kelly?

  One of these like big orange triangles, you know?

• 50:31Justin Roczniak?

  This is a photo from right after the store opened. Um, all of these horizontal surfaces here and on the sign, they were actually planters. They grew bushes on there.

• 50:42Liam McAnderson?

  Wow.

• 50:43Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 50:44November Kelly?

  Ah, cool.

• 50:45Justin Roczniak?

  This is a two-story, uh, store. Um, so there was a shopping floor and underneath that was the parking lot, right? Um, there were a couple mezzanines in there for offices and also for part of the food court. It had a big food court, sat like 300 something people. Um, it had a bakery, it had a deli, it had all the stuff that makes grocery shopping great. We're in this store, right?

• 51:12November Kelly?

  Yeah, this sounds like a great day out.

• 51:14Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, no, I, I wanna shop here. Um, you know, they, they should open one in West Philly. Maybe in that big empty space in the new building by Clark Park.

• 51:23Liam McAnderson?

  Was that supposed to be a grocery store?

• 51:25Justin Roczniak?

  It was. I think they wanna put a restaurant in there now.

• 51:28Liam McAnderson?

  Sure they do.

• 51:29Justin Roczniak?

  I, I, it's,

• 51:33Justin Roczniak?

  you know, it's too big for a restaurant. It's too small for a grocery store. It's gonna stay vacant forever.

• 51:38November Kelly?

  No, I'm, I'm sorry. You, you can't get the impossibly cool Paraguayan grocery store experience. You have to get a restaurant that does things a little different.

• 51:47Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, yeah. It's, I just want a normal Irish pub.

• 51:56November Kelly?

  Give me the Irish pub this size. This sort of two-floor experience.

• 52:00Justin Roczniak?

  Oh, yeah. It also had, it wasn't just like a, a supermarket as we experience it, like, well, at least in the United States. They also had sections for like, I think they had an automotive products section somewhere, which is, uh, relevant later on.

• 52:15Liam McAnderson?

  Oh no.

• 52:16Justin Roczniak?

  They had, uh, they, they had a few. It's not quite a department store. It's mostly a grocery store, but they had other items in there as well.

• 52:23Liam McAnderson?

  Attached, right.

• 52:24Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 52:24November Kelly?

  Is it, is it relevant later on because it's cool? Is it relevant later on because that's a fun thing to have in your store?

• 52:31Liam McAnderson?

  I think it's the opposite of cool, if you will.

• 52:33Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, I was about to say, you know, the thing about automotive products is there's a lot of flammable things there.

• 52:38Liam McAnderson?

  A petroleum, baby.

• 52:41Justin Roczniak?

  So, this is an amazing store. Everyone loves it. It's a fantastic success. Thousands of people can shop here at the same time on a busy day. It's really popular, right? Everyone wants to go here, go here to see and be seen, go to the food court, eat some delicious food, get some food for your family, get some kind of, I don't know, uh, engine oil for your car, you know? Uh, and you can just walk downstairs and drive back home. Um, so yeah, this is great. Um, this is amazing. This is wonderful. This is the best thing to happen in Assunction in a long time. Things are looking up. So, on August 1st, 2000 forward, about 11:20 AM, the store exploded.

• 53:24November Kelly?

  Oh, god damn it. God damn it. I, okay.

• 53:31Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 53:31November Kelly?

  I mean, the, mm, 11:20 AM is kind of early to be heading the grocery store, so that's a mercy, I guess, maybe?

• 53:40Justin Roczniak?

  No.

• 53:40Liam McAnderson?

  No, it's not gonna be.

• 53:41Justin Roczniak?

  It was a holiday weekend.

• 53:43Liam McAnderson?

  Come on, oh no.

• 53:45November Kelly?

  Oh, that's not an early, that's not an early time. That's the time when you go out and get the stuff for the like picnic.

• 53:52Justin Roczniak?

  Nope, yeah, people came in for the blue plate special at the food court.

• 53:59Justin Roczniak?

  An immense wall of flame started from the ceiling of the food court.

• 54:03Liam McAnderson?

  We're getting right, fucking into it, huh?

• 54:05Justin Roczniak?

  Quickly worked its way through the entire store. Anybody nearby, the source of the flame was reduced to ashes instantly. They didn't even know.

• 54:16November Kelly?

  Jesus Christ.

• 54:17Justin Roczniak?

  They didn't even know what was happening. The only quicker death on record, I think, is probably Lot's wife being turned to a pillar of salt.

• 54:27November Kelly?

  That's scary. That's, that's fucking scary.

• 54:31Liam McAnderson?

  Again, on, on these episodes, I, I always, I always side with the, you want to die quick in this one?

• 54:36Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 54:37November Kelly?

  Yeah, I agree. Generally, like, my, my ideal is, you know, the sort of Halifax port explosion thing, where you don't know the first thing about it, like, your nerve endings are in a different county before they're firing anything at you.

• 54:51Justin Roczniak?

  Yes.

• 54:51November Kelly?

  Like, uh, my, my ideal form of euthanasia is they give me a bundle of grenades. I've been very clear about this, but like, I, in this case, there's something about the, you are combusting feeling, uh, that I really, I don't care for.

• 55:07Justin Roczniak?

  Enjoying some kind of delicious torta.

• 55:10Liam McAnderson?

  Right.

• 55:10Justin Roczniak?

  Now you're at the pearly gates.

• 55:13Liam McAnderson?

  Still with the.

• 55:16November Kelly?

  Just like you're, I, I, I think it's the sensation, right, of like, okay, you turned to ashes instantly. Sure, fine. The feeling of like, oh, I'm the meat that's coming straight off the bone? No, no, no, no, thank you. I don't, I'm, that doesn't please me at all. Uh, again, you can tell when we record when I'm hungry.

• 55:34Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 55:34Liam McAnderson?

  I, uh, yeah, I, I, I think about the ones, oh, what was the one we were talking about? Oh, the, uh, the Piper Alpha one with the expressive decom.

• 55:44Justin Roczniak?

  Explosive decompression?

• 55:45November Kelly?

  Yeah, that was, that was not Piper Alpha. That was, uh, da, da, da, da, da, fucking, they're yelling at me in the comments right now. Um, uh, I wanna say Babcock and Wilcox, but that's just the name of the.

• 55:56Justin Roczniak?

  That's a boiler manufacturer, yeah, no.

• 56:00November Kelly?

  Diving bell, chunky marinara.

• 56:04Justin Roczniak?

  Dicker clockin'.

• 56:05Liam McAnderson?

  The ticker clockin', yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:06Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 56:07November Kelly?

  Bife for dolphin.

• 56:09Liam McAnderson?

  Thank you very much.

• 56:10November Kelly?

  Fucking handy nasty. It took me like an hour and a half to find that.

• 56:13Liam McAnderson?

  I love that joke is transatlantic.

• 56:18Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, I, uh, I, I don't wanna get turned into, well, whatever this is, super well-done Liam steak.

• 56:26Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 56:26November Kelly?

  No, no. It's alarmingly close to the sort of, uh, Thanos snap situation as well. Like, you just couldn't sort of kind of turn into like wind-blown sand, you know?

• 56:38Justin Roczniak?

  This explosion also knocks out the power, which adds to the confusion. But the manager of the store thinks very quickly and he says,

• 56:48November Kelly?

  Okay.

• 56:48Justin Roczniak?

  to security over the radio.

• 56:50Liam McAnderson?

  Oh god.

• 56:51Justin Roczniak?

  Lock the fucking doors. No one's getting out without paying for the merchandise.

• 56:54Liam McAnderson?

  No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't. No, he does not. All right, all right, edit, cut it, shoot this guy. Dick, I don't even care if he's dead. We're gonna do a cadaver sign on, we're gonna do the thing where they, wait, they kill, what is it? Nine generations of your family. We're gonna make the guy who kills his family look like a pussy, right?

• 57:15November Kelly?

  You never want the only line of defense between you and being turned into the meat that falls straight off the bone to be a supermarket manager.

• 57:23Justin Roczniak?

  Yes.

• 57:23November Kelly?

  Or like an assistant manager, you know?

• 57:25Justin Roczniak?

  There.

• 57:26November Kelly?

  No disrespect to supermarket managers. I mean, some, but like, that, that's not a sort of call that you should have to be making.

• 57:33Liam McAnderson?

  No, that's a, uh, let them go, uh, please, or you're all, it doesn't matter, whatever. Is he dead? I hope he's dead.

• 57:41Justin Roczniak?

  Yes.

• 57:41Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah.

• 57:42November Kelly?

  I would assume so, yeah.

• 57:44Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, uh, the, the man, the manager.

• 57:46November Kelly?

  On the radio, like, lock.

• 57:48Justin Roczniak?

  The manager in question.

• 57:49November Kelly?

  With me inside.

• 57:50Justin Roczniak?

  Was killed in the fire.

• 57:52Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, some small justice, I guess.

• 57:55Justin Roczniak?

  So there's, there's about a thousand people in the store, right?

• 57:59Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, that's a lot of fucking people.

• 58:01November Kelly?

  Christ.

• 58:01Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. If you look this thing up.

• 58:03November Kelly?

  Like, this is, this is like taking like two A380s and flying them into the side of a mountain for no reason?

• 58:10Justin Roczniak?

  Well.

• 58:10November Kelly?

  Uh huh.

• 58:11Justin Roczniak?

  If, if you look at this thing up on, uh, English Wikipedia, it sounds like some of these facts are in dispute. But the court documents and actual reporting says something otherwise. They actually locked the fucking doors, made people queue up to pay for their stuff, right?

• 58:26Liam McAnderson?

  How? The power was out.

• 58:28Justin Roczniak?

  This was, I must've had to pay in cash, I guess.

• 58:32Liam McAnderson?

  Fuck you!

• 58:34Justin Roczniak?

  This was apparently a.

• 58:35November Kelly?

  Just like, I just, I just have card and I'm gonna die, like.

• 58:41Justin Roczniak?

  They actually locked the fucking doors. This was apparently a common practice in Paraguay. When there was a power outage or other minor emergency that risked, you know, a sudden breakdown in the social order. People might go in and loot. So they just locked the fucking doors. Unclear. It is unclear if the manager knew there was a horrible fire.

• 59:04Liam McAnderson?

  He couldn't smell it?

• 59:06Justin Roczniak?

  Well, he died, so yeah.

• 59:10November Kelly?

  Eventually.

• 59:10Justin Roczniak?

  Eventually figured it out. Yeah, it probably, uh, probably, you know, probably realized the error of his ways before he was, uh, slowly turned into a, uh, you know, extremely well done steak.

• 59:26November Kelly?

  You, I mean, in some sense, I feel like this guy about the like, you know, captain of the Titanic or vice versa, you know, at least he went down with the ship, right?

• 59:34Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 59:35November Kelly?

  They're playing muzak nearer my god to the.

• 59:40Justin Roczniak?

  Fucking, fucking Kmart playlist.

• 59:46Justin Roczniak?

  So there everyone was in a human stampede up to the fucking checkout counters. And they're of course being held up because the sales associate can't remember the product code for Swiss charred, right?

• 59:58November Kelly?

  Yeah. I mean, the like bagging groceries quickly is not usually life or death. In this case, it actually is. You're stuck behind the old person who's trying to pay with like three different kinds of checks.

• 1:00:09Liam McAnderson?

  So you could just say my dad.

• 1:00:13Justin Roczniak?

  It could, it could, it could have been worse. You know, they didn't have self checkout back then. You know, where, where like there's a raging.

• 1:00:19Liam McAnderson?

  The fucking window.

• 1:00:23Justin Roczniak?

  Place your chili peppers in the bag. Please place all bite items in the bag.

• 1:00:28November Kelly?

  Rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic here is counting the number of items in the express checkout lane.

• 1:00:36Justin Roczniak?

  Please wait. Help is on the way.

• 1:00:42Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. So this is not.

• 1:00:43November Kelly?

  You know, I, I have some kind of like, yeah, I have a sort of a sensory thing. I have autism. Not a surprise where I find the kind of cacophony in a self checkout kind of difficult sometimes.

• 1:00:55Justin Roczniak?

  Yes.

• 1:00:56November Kelly?

  And I have occasionally had the thought, you know, of like, if people started melting right now, it would really be like, you know, like the last thing I did, you know?

• 1:01:05Justin Roczniak?

  Yes.

• 1:01:05November Kelly?

  Like, that would really add insult to injury.

• 1:01:08Liam McAnderson?

  I do like that you and I had physiological responses to bras doing the, uh, the checkout noises.

• 1:01:13November Kelly?

  Yeah, I was tense. I was, yeah.

• 1:01:18Justin Roczniak?

  So this is not conducive to an orderly and rapid evacuation of a thousand plus people. And so folks started to pile up right behind the checkout counters. And I'm going to say here in the United States, and I think probably in Britain too, I think in most of the world, people might get wise to this and just push past the supermarket rent a cops.

• 1:01:39Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, I'm bigger than you are. I got this.

• 1:01:41November Kelly?

  The one kind of, the one kind of cop that Americans don't respect. Yeah.

• 1:01:45Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, but this, this is Paraguay. This is in South America. Those, those rent a cops are armed. They got guns. They got big guns.

• 1:01:53November Kelly?

  Uh, this, this is turning into Titanic. It's like the pulling, pulling the fucking pistol on the guy who tries to sneak into the lifeboat because there's women and children first.

• 1:02:04Liam McAnderson?

  I was taking my dick.

• 1:02:05November Kelly?

  Except instead of women and children first, it's 11 items.

• 1:02:08Liam McAnderson?

  Taking my dick out of the Paraguay grocery store to tell my wife my slog was huge. Doesn't really, it's not really romantic, is it?

• 1:02:14Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:18Justin Roczniak?

  There's multiple accounts of security guards pulling out their weapons and firing warning shots into the air to stop the crowd from leaving the extremely on fire building.

• 1:02:27November Kelly?

  I think there's a level of on fire, not to suggest that I'm a particularly brave person. I'm a coward, right? I think there is a level of me being on fire at which warning shot would cease to deter me. I think you might have to shoot me if part of me was on fire.

• 1:02:45Justin Roczniak?

  There's also an account, one of the first people on the scene to try and alleviate the situation was an off duty volunteer firefighter who tried to force open an emergency exit from the outside before being warded off by more warning shots from a security guard.

• 1:03:01Liam McAnderson?

  Oh.

• 1:03:02November Kelly?

  I'm, I'm noticing that like, even before there's any like sort of fire and there aren't going outside, there's a lot of very visible smoke that would seem to suggest to me that maybe this is not a kind of like, you know, Tik Tok, let's all go to fucking Oxford Street and rob H and M type flash mob here, but instead.

• 1:03:19Liam McAnderson?

  No, no, but it's called flash over, not flash mob.

• 1:03:25Justin Roczniak?

  The building may be on fire at this point. Now, Paraguay, at the time, I think maybe even still now, but certainly at the time, they only had one professional fire brigade.

• 1:03:37Liam McAnderson?

  What? Come on, man.

• 1:03:38Justin Roczniak?

  At the Soviet Petrassey International Airport, which is about six miles down the road.

• 1:03:44Liam McAnderson?

  Okay, that's, that's actually mighty convenient.

• 1:03:46November Kelly?

  That's rough. That's, yeah, that's one of those things where it's like, oh, the sort of like international air travel has a sort of parallel form of governance where it's like, no, you don't get an airport unless you have like a fire, like department trained to a standard.

• 1:03:59Justin Roczniak?

  I believe that they were called to the scene. There were plenty of volunteer fire companies who will also start arriving shortly after the incident, right? Um, there's also passers by who eventually start trying to help out at this point because they just, they hear all the screams from inside the building.

• 1:04:15November Kelly?

  Jesus. Yeah, no, I, I, this is, this is not the kind of situation where it's sufficient to rely on the international air travel agency belt report, you know, like you.

• 1:04:26Justin Roczniak?

  This, this damn fire ran through the building so damn quickly, it was all but impossible to even enter the building by the time the firefighters got there. Um, just because behind the registers, there was just a wall of bodies.

• 1:04:40Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, oh, Jesus.

• 1:04:42November Kelly?

  Jesus.

• 1:04:44Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, I played Left 4 Dead too. I got it.

• 1:04:45Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, they had to stand across the street to start out with an aim water cannons at the thing. And, you know, the only way out of the building is blocked by a cashier asking for price check on heirloom tomatoes.

• 1:04:57Liam McAnderson?

  Fuck off. Fuck off. We're gonna get a fight with like dying breath. You and I are going down together, motherfucker.

• 1:05:06Justin Roczniak?

  It just won't ring up.

• 1:05:09Liam McAnderson?

  That means it's free as I've been cold by flames.

• 1:05:15Justin Roczniak?

  The natural result of all this is that as the smoke and flame poured in, and keep in mind, this all happened in the matter of minutes, right? There was now, you know, you had the massive pile of bodies right behind the registers, people just dead from smoke inhalation, not even like fire at this point, although the fire did eventually make it there. Thus, it was impossible to access the rest of the store from the one entrance that was open. Um, there are accounts of firefighting, fighter fighters essentially having to shovel bodies out of the way just to cut a path deeper into the store to try and find maybe some survivors, which they did find, actually. A lot of people went into refrigerators and

• 1:05:58Justin Roczniak?

  into bathrooms that did not get hit so hard by the fire. Um, some people were actually.

• 1:06:04November Kelly?

  This is a new series of like body horror.

• 1:06:07Liam McAnderson?

  I was gonna say that.

• 1:06:08Justin Roczniak?

  Hold on a second. No, no, I don't like that. Some people were trapped alive underneath the pile of bodies, which is about waist high. They survived because they were insulated by the dead bodies from the smoke and the flame.

• 1:06:25Liam McAnderson?

  They take what you can get, right?

• 1:06:26November Kelly?

  You never want to be sort of functionally on the inside of a human baked Alaska.

• 1:06:31Justin Roczniak?

  Yes.

• 1:06:32Liam McAnderson?

  I was gonna say, you know, that scene from Star Wars where he cuts the thing's tummy open and sleeps in it?

• 1:06:35Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:36Liam McAnderson?

  Yep.

• 1:06:36Justin Roczniak?

  Uh, it's sort of the reverse of that. Yeah.

• 1:06:39November Kelly?

  I have to, I have to sleep after recording this.

• 1:06:44Justin Roczniak?

  This is, this is, this is horrific incident. I, I, this is like.

• 1:06:49November Kelly?

  Apart from anything else, this is like, really like, if you wanted to come up with the most, like a synecdoche for capitalism, it's like, oh no, you have to like pay for your fucking groceries and we will shoot at you even as you're burning.

• 1:07:02Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:03Justin Roczniak?

  So sometime in this, uh, in this process, the whole damn roof falls down, right? Additional explosions are caused when all the lubricants and the motor oil and stuff like that explodes in the automotive section, right? The floor.

• 1:07:19November Kelly?

  Yeah, you're just sort of in the automotive section, looking, holding the bottle of fucking castrol GTX or whatever. And you're just like, oh, this is gonna get worse for it. It's better.

• 1:07:27Justin Roczniak?

  If you were one of the, I don't know, 20 people who made it through the registers and, uh, managed to, to, uh, you know, check after they scanned, you know, the Kraft mac and cheese four times until it worked. Um, you, you went down to the parking lot to try and get your car. Shit out of luck. This floor collapsed into the parking lot, crushes a bunch of people in their cars.

• 1:07:49Liam McAnderson?

  Oh.

• 1:07:50November Kelly?

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:07:52Liam McAnderson?

  I don't want to say comedy of errors, but God almighty.

• 1:07:55November Kelly?

  This is, this is, this is like, I, you, you would struggle to do this on purpose, right? If you, even the most depraved sort of anti grocery terrorist organization wouldn't hate grocery stores enough to cook this one up on purpose.

• 1:08:15Justin Roczniak?

  Yes. Um, here's an architectural feature I very much like, which is this huge glass block wall here, um, on an angle. That's really cool. Um, this is where passers by had to throw rocks into the glass block wall to make an opening for people to escape.

• 1:08:36Liam McAnderson?

  That's what I said. That's expedient self checkout.

• 1:08:38Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:39November Kelly?

  Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:08:40Liam McAnderson?

  This is like a still cracked joint. It's a lot of big bird to death, I guess.

• 1:08:43Justin Roczniak?

  This also became the main access point for the firefighters because again, there's too many bodies over by the registers.

• 1:08:51November Kelly?

  The, the, again, I have to stress volunteer part-time firefighters.

• 1:08:56Justin Roczniak?

  I assume there's also still, there's someone.

• 1:08:58Liam McAnderson?

  Prepared for this, I would probably, where are, is, is the manager dead yet? Have we checked on him a little bit?

• 1:09:03Justin Roczniak?

  The manager, we don't know what happened to him. Oh, wait, we do. No, no, the manager died. He was probably dead at this point. There's still one guy, one guy down there at the register saying price check on cilantro, register four, price check on cilantro, register four.

• 1:09:19November Kelly?

  I, I, I, I've looked into this, by the way, and thank you to the Asuncion Times for telling me that to become a volunteer fire, firefighter in Paraguay, uh, you have to do four months of training, uh, two times a month. Um, and also the, the motto of one of these, uh, volunteer fire companies appears to be, uh, discipline, valor, abnegation, which is philosophically, uh, troubling. So the Thomas Pynchon Volunteer Fire Department is going to come and like, get you out maybe.

• 1:09:48Justin Roczniak?

  What are their chili cook offs like though?

• 1:09:50Liam McAnderson?

  Delicious.

• 1:09:51Justin Roczniak?

  They're probably really good.

• 1:09:52November Kelly?

  Probably really good.

• 1:09:54Justin Roczniak?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:54November Kelly?

  Yeah. Yeah. Probably like crazy good, actually.

• 1:09:58Justin Roczniak?

  Actually extinguishing this.

• 1:10:00November Kelly?

  If you are a Paraguayan firefighter.

• 1:10:02Justin Roczniak?

  Paraguayan firefighter. Please invite us.

• 1:10:07Justin Roczniak?

  It took, it took eight hours to extinguish the fire properly.

• 1:10:11Liam McAnderson?

  Fuck me.

• 1:10:12Justin Roczniak?

  So we'll, we'll, we'll talk about the immediate aftermath here. This, this, this whole thing is fucking crazy, right?

• 1:10:19Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:20November Kelly?

  Yeah, no, this is spiraled incredibly out of control.

• 1:10:23Justin Roczniak?

  I think the official death toll, and this is still disputed, the official death toll, three hundred and twenty seven ish people were killed, a significant fraction of which were children.

• 1:10:37Justin Roczniak?

  Three hundred more.

• 1:10:38November Kelly?

  I mean, so if you say, if you said there were a thousand people in the store, you've got like, like a, what a, uh, one in three chance of dying. That's, that's no good. Like.

• 1:10:49Justin Roczniak?

  Well, hold on. Three hundred more were injured, mostly nasty, horrible, awful burns.

• 1:10:56November Kelly?

  Okay. So one third, one third dead outright, one third horrible, life-changing injuries, one third, like obviously not fine, but like physically.

• 1:11:07Justin Roczniak?

  They had, they had exact change.

• 1:11:09Liam McAnderson?

  Fucked, fucked, fucked, fucked, fucked, fucked.

• 1:11:13Justin Roczniak?

  The, the result of this.

• 1:11:14November Kelly?

  This is why you have to have the loyalty cards.

• 1:11:16Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:18Liam McAnderson?

  Seven one seven eight six seven five three oh nine. I'll stop fucking talking to me.

• 1:11:22Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. The result of this is, you know, as they're, they're setting up makeshift morgues across the street, you know, they're doing triage and stuff like that. They don't have enough ambulances for all the people. They're carrying people out in like patrol cars and in the back of pickup trucks and stuff. When they get to the hospital, the fucking entire Paraguayan health system collapses.

• 1:11:42November Kelly?

  Yeah, I mean, fair enough, to be honest, like.

• 1:11:46Justin Roczniak?

  They, they were not equipped for a mass casualty incident like this. It was, it was completely outside the capabilities. You know, you, you did have some luck there. Lots of international aid flowed in very quickly from the United States, from Europe, from other South American companies, countries, and of course Cuba, you know, um, got those doctors flown in immediately.

• 1:12:08November Kelly?

  Thank you to the Cuban revolution.

• 1:12:10Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:10November Kelly?

  Yeah. Once again, like drop of a hat, someone has stubbed their toe in Madagascar. Five thousand Cuban doctors have landed, uh, in order to construct a new hospital.

• 1:12:20Justin Roczniak?

  That's the problem with the, the, the, the blockade is that I stubbed my toe pretty badly two days ago, and there were no Cuban doctors for me.

• 1:12:28Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, we got to amputate, bud.

• 1:12:30November Kelly?

  Well, this is, this is the, the, again, like Rubio is trying to sort of starve Cuba because he fears their excellence. The, the sort of Cuban doctor's superpower is kind of real.

• 1:12:38Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, yeah, that's true.

• 1:12:39November Kelly?

  To our episode on Cuba with Noah.

• 1:12:42Justin Roczniak?

  And so, you know, this is just another picture of the rescue. This is the glass block wall. You can see, you know, people trying to, firefighters trying to make their way in, you know, people, people managed to go in there.

• 1:12:56Justin Roczniak?

  You know, the, the whole, the whole rescue operation here had to be very improvised. I do believe professional firefighters actually came in from across the border from Argentina. You know, got held up in customs and all that, but you know. But also a big chunk of the rescue effort is just people from the town, you know?

• 1:13:16November Kelly?

  Yeah. I mean, sort of older model of firefighting, I guess.

• 1:13:19Justin Roczniak?

  So we, we'll, we'll talk about, I mean, we'll talk about the cause of the disaster in a second, but we got to talk about the court case afterwards. Um, just cause I think that's an interesting way of framing it. For once we have a disaster bad enough that everyone, even the legal system, agrees that this is such a fucked up situation, someone has to go to prison. Everyone is incredibly fucking pissed off about this, you know, there's, there's.

• 1:13:46November Kelly?

  Yeah. I mean, this is a small country, right? The like big tragedy, small like jurisdiction.

• 1:13:51Justin Roczniak?

  Small jurisdiction, whole neighborhood, basically everyone lost something, something like a hundred kids orphaned, you know? It, it's crazy. It's, it's hard to like put into words like, but it's.

• 1:14:04Liam McAnderson?

  Turbo evil. Yeah.

• 1:14:05Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's just.

• 1:14:07November Kelly?

  And it's like very relatable because not everyone's a fucking saturation diver, but almost everyone goes to the grocery store.

• 1:14:13Justin Roczniak?

  Yes. So charges are brought up against the owner of the chain, which is Juan Pio Pavia, uh, Paiva. His son Victor Daniel Paiva, the architect of the building, several municipal building inspectors, shareholders in the company, and one of the security guards who locked the doors, who just happened to be one of the ones who was, who survived and was easily identifiable.

• 1:14:38Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah. Cause he's not turned into a, I don't know, overdone toast.

• 1:14:43Justin Roczniak?

  Ash. Yeah.

• 1:14:45Liam McAnderson?

  Ashes to ashes, overdone toast to overdone toast, as they say.

• 1:14:49Justin Roczniak?

  And there's a real concerted effort to throw the book at these guys, charge them with actual, real, honest to God, premeditated murder, and that trial fails miserably.

• 1:15:01Liam McAnderson?

  God, come on, man.

• 1:15:05Justin Roczniak?

  They have to hold it in, um, I said a fucking stadium there. It's actually more of like a high school gymnasium, right?

• 1:15:12Liam McAnderson?

  We'll take it.

• 1:15:13Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Cause there's so many people. The judge concludes that the best they can charge these guys with is manslaughter. All the families in attendance picked their seats off the floor and rushed the field, started throwing the chairs at the judges.

• 1:15:28Liam McAnderson?

  Good.

• 1:15:29November Kelly?

  This is what we like to see.

• 1:15:31Justin Roczniak?

  There's, there.

• 1:15:32November Kelly?

  Sometimes the mob is right.

• 1:15:35Justin Roczniak?

  Well, this also prevented the sentence from being read, right? Further hearings were not open to the public. Protests outside of those proceedings result in a huge police beat down that injures forty nine people and sixty people are arrested.

• 1:15:50November Kelly?

  Again, you can sort of make the case of like, it's crazy how you have like a full-time police for beating the shit out of people, but you have volunteer firefighters exclusively.

• 1:15:58Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Well, everyone.

• 1:16:00November Kelly?

  Although for all I know, the cops are also volunteers.

• 1:16:02Justin Roczniak?

  The volunteer police force. I just like beating people up.

• 1:16:06Liam McAnderson?

  It's my favorite thing, isn't it?

• 1:16:08Justin Roczniak?

  I don't even need to get paid for it. My full-time job is a social worker. No.

• 1:16:13Liam McAnderson?

  Hey, hey, hey.

• 1:16:18Liam McAnderson?

  You come back here, motherfucker. You come back here.

• 1:16:23Liam McAnderson?

  I have to go to bad dated, uh, de-escalation trade. I get a couple of weeks speaking of being a social worker.

• 1:16:29November Kelly?

  Well, the good thing is if you were a part-time cop, you would also then get to go to, uh, like, uh, mandatory escalation.

• 1:16:34Justin Roczniak?

  Escalation trading.

• 1:16:37Liam McAnderson?

  They keep yelling at me because I'm aggressive at the food pantry. That's all right.

• 1:16:42Justin Roczniak?

  President Oscar Nissonor Duarte Frutos.

• 1:16:47Liam McAnderson?

  You got that.

• 1:16:48Justin Roczniak?

  intervenes. He switches out the judges, which complicates further legal proceedings. But we also have to ask here, the elephant in the room, what in the damn hell happened?

• 1:16:58Liam McAnderson?

  Uh, jeez.

• 1:16:59Justin Roczniak?

  All right. Here's, here's a delightfully, uh, crusty image.

• 1:17:04November Kelly?

  Ooh.

• 1:17:04Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:05November Kelly?

  I love pixels.

• 1:17:06Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, I know, right?

• 1:17:07November Kelly?

  Be nice if I could see more than five of them at a time, but that's fine.

• 1:17:10Justin Roczniak?

  One of the vent hoods in the food court, right, had a vent duct, which had two, count them, two elbows in it. Right? So the, the vent went from vertical to horizontal, back to vertical. The second elbow sagged a little bit, which meant, and this is above the drop ceiling, so no one could see it. The whole system was very difficult to clean, so no one bothered doing it. No one paid it any mind. Over time, the vaporized oils and the soot and everything, most of it went out the top. Some of it settled back down in that area where it sagged a little bit, and that gradually accumulated into a puddle of what I'm going to call schmoo. Right?

• 1:17:52Liam McAnderson?

  Thank you.

• 1:17:53Justin Roczniak?

  Now, one day, there was a hot spark or something, or an ember that went up the vent hood, went around a corner, and landed in the schmoo, and the schmoo caught fire. And as the schmoo burned, it weakened the weld, or whatever the ceiling was, around the elbow, and so it broke, and it fell onto the drop ceiling, which meant that now this vent hood vented gases directly into the space between the ceiling and, or between the roof and the drop ceiling.

• 1:18:22November Kelly?

  Oh no. Wait, so this wasn't the thing that just like started it immediately? This had been like going on for like a minute?

• 1:18:30Justin Roczniak?

  It is unknown exactly how long this condition persisted. It could have been hours, but it also could have been weeks.

• 1:18:37November Kelly?

  This is, this is why you need your teens to like store their drugs and snacks in the drop ceiling. Essential inspection function.

• 1:18:46Justin Roczniak?

  Like, hey, it smells funny up there and not from the stuff I putting up there.

• 1:18:51Justin Roczniak?

  So, okay, I wrote down here, uh, something wrong. There were smoke detectors in the building. There was a fire suppression system even. Nothing above the drop ceiling though, right? Um, if there were a smoke detector up there, that would have easily given adequate warning to catch this problem before it became a real problem, right?

• 1:19:12November Kelly?

  Yeah. The, the smoke alarm goes off and the manager go, gets to go, hey, lock all the doors way earlier.

• 1:19:18Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, exactly. And then everyone can check out, hopefully, I mean, assuming that anyone can figure out, you know, what, what is partially by the bunch or by the ounce?

• 1:19:29Liam McAnderson?

  Talking about it about ten seconds.

• 1:19:31Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. So it's unclear if it was immediately a source of ignition, or if, you know, maybe another spark came up, but over time, this entire area is filling up with gases. You still have the hot schmoo on the ceiling. That sort of causes, you know, the schmoo starts smoldering again. It also causes the, uh, drop ceiling panels to start smoldering. There's more and more and more horrible flammable gases building up over time. Again, this could have been hours. It could have been weeks. We don't know. One of the tiles weakens enough to give way. There's a huge rush of oxygen into the space. Boom. Flash over.

• 1:20:12November Kelly?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:20:13Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Another factor at work here.

• 1:20:15November Kelly?

  And everybody just, just melts.

• 1:20:17Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:18November Kelly?

  Bad.

• 1:20:19Justin Roczniak?

  Oh no, they don't have time to melt. They just get reduced to ash.

• 1:20:22November Kelly?

  Oh.

• 1:20:23Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Another factor at work here is there was no extractor fan, like one of these very common ones you see everywhere. These are, they're wind driven. They're very clever. They just spin around from the wind, extract the fumes from confined spaces real good. Um, anyway, I don't think that would have stopped the disaster. It certainly would have delayed it a bit. Um, so other factors were like the roof coating and stuff like that. I, I, I, but this is the big one. The big one here is the elbow, the lack of cleaning, and in fact, that it sagged just a bit.

• 1:20:56Liam McAnderson?

  Just a little, just a little.

• 1:20:57November Kelly?

  Yeah. And, and the kind of psychological barrier of like, plus, you know, directly visual barrier of drop ceiling, of like out of sight, out of mind, could be on fire. I don't care.

• 1:21:07Liam McAnderson?

  Does not sag a little.

• 1:21:08Justin Roczniak?

  Yes.

• 1:21:08November Kelly?

  Well, exactly. Yeah. Especially at our age.

• 1:21:11Liam McAnderson?

  We're in our mid thirties. This is so embarrassing.

• 1:21:14November Kelly?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:16Justin Roczniak?

  So they do, they do the damn trial again. And you know, for people who listen to this podcast, this is unusual.

• 1:21:22Liam McAnderson?

  Double jeopardy doesn't mean shit, bud.

• 1:21:24Justin Roczniak?

  This is unusual. Ladies and gentlemen, they got him.

• 1:21:28Liam McAnderson?

  Woo. This is the word sort of.

• 1:21:32Justin Roczniak?

  This is, this is copied directly from Spanish language Wikipedia, but translated. I apologize, everyone. Juan P O. Piva, the owner, got 12 years in prison for intentional homicide in the eventual degree. I don't know what that means. Exposure to people is dangerous.

• 1:21:49November Kelly?

  Yeah. First, second, third, and then eventual, you know, it's like somebody's going to get killed off of this.

• 1:21:54Justin Roczniak?

  Victor Daniel Piva, his son and co-owner got 10 years. Uh, Daniel Arrezzo, who was the guard who, uh, who was readily identified and also the guy who fired off the guns, uh, five years in prison for intentional homicide and in the eventual degree, whatever that means.

• 1:22:12November Kelly?

  I don't, that doesn't seem very eventual if you're shooting at people, but you know, whatever. I'm not a Paraguayan lawyer or even a non Paraguayan lawyer.

• 1:22:19Justin Roczniak?

  I may be a simple country Paraguayan lawyer, but.

• 1:22:27Justin Roczniak?

  Humberto Casia, Casia, Casatchia, who was a shareholder in the business, got two years and six months for exposing people to dangerous workplaces. And Fernando Ismatowitz, who was the architect, got two years in prison for dangerous activities due to construction defects. Um.

• 1:22:49November Kelly?

  I mean, fair enough. Honestly, like, I'm glad someone actually went to prison for this shit.

• 1:22:54Justin Roczniak?

  They also sent three building code officers to prison for a year and six months.

• 1:22:59November Kelly?

  Good.

• 1:23:00Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. It, it's very rare on this podcast that anyone is actually punished for this sort of thing. It's good to see it, you know, happen for once. Um.

• 1:23:11November Kelly?

  Yeah. And all it, all it took was them doing grocery nine 11.

• 1:23:15Justin Roczniak?

  Doing, doing something so, um, like, like this is off scale bad. Like this, this may be like one of the worst ones we've ever done.

• 1:23:22Liam McAnderson?

  This is pure fucking evil.

• 1:23:23Justin Roczniak?

  This is one of the worst things that ever happened to, to anyone, let alone to Paraguay.

• 1:23:27November Kelly?

  It's crazy. It, yeah. It's crazy that like every grocery store could do this. And the only reason that it doesn't is.

• 1:23:35Justin Roczniak?

  You don't, you don't have an elbow in the, uh, in, in, in the.

• 1:23:39November Kelly?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:39Justin Roczniak?

  In the, in the vent. It was there.

• 1:23:42November Kelly?

  For, for want of a nail, you know, you don't get, uh, turned into ashes instantly.

• 1:23:48Justin Roczniak?

  Um, the families didn't like this. They wanted longer sentences. Some of them threatened to take justice into their own hands. No one follows through on that. Um, all these people are actually let out fairly early on parole. Cause you know, white collar crime is.

• 1:24:01November Kelly?

  Of course.

• 1:24:02Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:03November Kelly?

  That man's collar is clearly blue.

• 1:24:05Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, that's true. Um, Victor Daniel gets killed by the novel coronavirus. Juan P O. Piva died recently of complications due to diabetes. The site of the star is now memorial to the victims of the disaster. What did we learn?

• 1:24:20Liam McAnderson?

  We gotta kill these fucking people.

• 1:24:22November Kelly?

  Um, you, you shouldn't be killed going to the grocery store.

• 1:24:27Justin Roczniak?

  Yes.

• 1:24:27November Kelly?

  Because the grocery store is a great place to go.

• 1:24:29Justin Roczniak?

  Grocery store is a nice place to go.

• 1:24:31November Kelly?

  Be able to relax.

• 1:24:32Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, I would like to, I would like to relax at the grocery store and buy, I don't know, uh, 25 habaneros, um, which I'm going to use to torture myself later.

• 1:24:44Liam McAnderson?

  Go swerve your peppers, baby.

• 1:24:46November Kelly?

  And so the role of, the role of the state is to make sure that the grocery store can't kill you or one of them any.

• 1:24:52Justin Roczniak?

  Yes. Um, clean your fucking kitchen vents.

• 1:24:56November Kelly?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:56Justin Roczniak?

  And I, I, I suppose, um, yeah, the Paraguayan justice system actually sends people to prison who deserve it, apparently.

• 1:25:05November Kelly?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:06Justin Roczniak?

  Even if it lets them out quick.

• 1:25:07November Kelly?

  Country in the world.

• 1:25:08Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Greatest country in the world, Paraguay.

• 1:25:10November Kelly?

  Yeah. Hmm. I'm willing to incorporate that into my belief system.

• 1:25:13Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. The only, the only, one of the best ever to do it. And if your kitchen vents to the outside, clean the vent every once in a while.

• 1:25:22Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:23November Kelly?

  Yeah. Yeah. Even if it's, it's turned into a sort of Microsoft pipes screensaver up there, you still gotta do it.

• 1:25:29Justin Roczniak?

  Get the schmoo out. You don't want.

• 1:25:30November Kelly?

  Get some, get some teens to like smoke weed in the drop ceiling.

• 1:25:34Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. You don't even have to do it yourself. You could hire someone to do it.

• 1:25:37November Kelly?

  Hmm. Yeah.

• 1:25:38Justin Roczniak?

  Well.

• 1:25:39November Kelly?

  And as always, asbestos vape.

• 1:25:41Justin Roczniak?

  Yes.

• 1:25:41Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:42Justin Roczniak?

  Big, big brick of asbestos.

• 1:25:44Liam McAnderson?

  Yep. You, you never know, you're gonna need it.

• 1:25:46Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:47Liam McAnderson?

  This is my emotional comfort bag of, of asbestos.

• 1:25:51Justin Roczniak?

  Well, we have a segment on this podcast called Safety Third.

• 1:25:56Liam McAnderson?

  Burner, burner. Shake feet with danger.

• 1:26:00Justin Roczniak?

  Oh, I don't like that.

• 1:26:01November Kelly?

  I swear to God, I'm gonna get the fucking mixer set up.

• 1:26:06Liam McAnderson?

  Roz has a foot fetish.

• 1:26:07Justin Roczniak?

  Do I?

• 1:26:08Liam McAnderson?

  No, absolutely not. You, you hate feet as far as I know.

• 1:26:11Justin Roczniak?

  No, I don't hate feet. I don't have any strong emotional attachment to feet.

• 1:26:15Liam McAnderson?

  I don't like feet.

• 1:26:16November Kelly?

  This is the kind of thing that we shouldn't be giving out on the free feed. They need to pay $2 a month to learn these kinds of things about us.

• 1:26:23Liam McAnderson?

  We, we've disclosed in free episodes what we're into. Like, that's not a secret.

• 1:26:27Justin Roczniak?

  Right. But we haven't made stuff up about each other.

• 1:26:30Liam McAnderson?

  Ah, well, uh, that's unactionable.

• 1:26:32November Kelly?

  We haven't started lying.

• 1:26:34Liam McAnderson?

  I don't know that I'm lying. It's ambiguous, you know? All right. Shake feet with danger.

• 1:26:38November Kelly?

  Is it, is it, is it prima facie defamatory to accuse someone of having a foot fetish?

• 1:26:42Liam McAnderson?

  It fucking should be probably.

• 1:26:44November Kelly?

  This and other great legal decisions.

• 1:26:45Liam McAnderson?

  I, listen, I, I will contact my lawyer dad.

• 1:26:51Liam McAnderson?

  Well, I think it's also Roz's lawyer.

• 1:26:53November Kelly?

  I guess the question is, what, does it like, does it harm you like reputationally if people believe you to have a foot fetish, right?

• 1:26:59Liam McAnderson?

  No, I wouldn't think so, right?

• 1:27:00November Kelly?

  Less likely to sort of.

• 1:27:01Liam McAnderson?

  No, because with our Twitter followers, absolutely not.

• 1:27:05Justin Roczniak?

  Nah, nah. I think, I think, uh, I think generally our social circle is pretty open to, um, pretty open to.

• 1:27:12Liam McAnderson?

  All sorts of weird shit. Yeah.

• 1:27:13Justin Roczniak?

  All sorts of weird shit. Yeah, exactly. So, you know, I, it's, this does not, this does not harm me reputationally. I'm just like, well, I, where, where did that come from?

• 1:27:23Liam McAnderson?

  I don't know. I just wanted to annoy you.

• 1:27:24November Kelly?

  I, I have, I have a foot fetish anecdote, and this is, I promised to God, this is appropriate, right? So this is, it's kind of conceptually interesting to me, the concept of being a foot fetish person, because they, it seems, have an entirely orthogonal sexuality, right? Where it's not really about like the hotness of the whole person. It's just about the feet. And so somebody told me that Brie Larson, we know Brie Larson, actor, right? Very attractive woman is, uh, she's, she's ugly to foot fetishists. And I went and I, I, I looked, she has a Wicca feet page, and you know what? On the numbers, I'm, I'm afraid to say Brie Larson

• 1:28:07November Kelly?

  is like clapped to them. She's washed. And I remember distinctly reading one comment from somebody who was like, yeah, she's a very attractive woman, but it looks like she fucking kicks telegraph poles all day for a living. Like, I don't.

• 1:28:23November Kelly?

  And since I found this out, I have a new axis of being worried that I'm unattractive in, but I don't, I, I, I respect deeply that they have their own kind of parallel structure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, totally. But like, can you imagine how bad it would hurt if you were like indulging someone's foot fetish, right? Like, sure, I'll go the extra mile and do this for you. And they're like, okay, sure.

• 1:28:49Liam McAnderson?

  Second thought, put those titties away. Right.

• 1:28:51November Kelly?

  Disgusting. Yeah. Yeah. Bad. You don't come back from that.

• 1:28:56Justin Roczniak?

  Go, go get a, go get a pedicure every once in a while. You know, there's all kinds of like dead caked on skin on there, you know?

• 1:29:03November Kelly?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:29:05Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:06November Kelly?

  Hmm. Safety third.

• 1:29:08Justin Roczniak?

  Safety third. Yes.

• 1:29:15Justin Roczniak?

  Get that athlete's foot checked out. Anyway.

• 1:29:24Justin Roczniak?

  Hello, Justin, Liam, November and Associates.

• 1:29:27Liam McAnderson?

  We'll take it.

• 1:29:28November Kelly?

  I guess activate Windows counts. Yeah.

• 1:29:31Justin Roczniak?

  I'm writing to tell the story of how I ended up hiding three horses in the woods in the middle of a thunderstorm.

• 1:29:37November Kelly?

  Robert Eggers' ass story. Okay.

• 1:29:39Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, I'm excited to see the werewolf. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:41Justin Roczniak?

  Some 10 years ago, after my first year of college, I obtained employment at a privately owned summer camp deep in the woods of North Florida.

• 1:29:51Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, no.

• 1:29:54Justin Roczniak?

  This summer was filled with so many labor law violations and general threats to health and safety that I need to mention several of them. Instead of having staff, staff training, we spent the first week living in one summer camp while attempting to bring another one, where the actual camp would be occurring to an occupiable state. During this time, number A, the plumbing to the bathrooms was repaired unpermitted by friends of the camp owner in exchange for cave diving rights to the natural spring on the property. To conceal this from inspectors, us counselors were ordered to march back and forth over the freshly buried pipes in the rain.

• 1:30:33November Kelly?

  Brother, what? Like the fucking, like the great escape? What?

• 1:30:38Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, we're trying to get the submarine unstuck. What are we doing here?

• 1:30:42Justin Roczniak?

  Number B, while cleaning vinyl mattresses, someone decided to mix two unlabeled, almost empty bottles of spray cleaner.

• 1:30:51Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, I've done that.

• 1:30:51Justin Roczniak?

  Chlorine gas ensued. Fortunately, we were outside.

• 1:30:56November Kelly?

  So we're marching back and forth in the rain and.

• 1:30:58Liam McAnderson?

  I'd be gassed laughing at it.

• 1:31:00November Kelly?

  This is.

• 1:31:01Liam McAnderson?

  I was once.

• 1:31:02November Kelly?

  This is very Western France.

• 1:31:03Liam McAnderson?

  I was once helping Roz clean our old apartment and I said, do we have any bleach? And Roz goes verbatim, sure do. Keep it right next to the, uh.

• 1:31:11Justin Roczniak?

  The ammonia, in case we need a quick way out.

• 1:31:19Justin Roczniak?

  Number C, the cabin's bunk spacing didn't comply with modern sneeze gap requirements. So we hid half the mattresses during inspection to pretend we weren't using all of them.

• 1:31:31Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, um, didn't Alpha do that? Or was it Lancia that did that? Uh, just lied about how many cars they had for, uh?

• 1:31:38Justin Roczniak?

  Yes, it was Lancia, I believe.

• 1:31:39Liam McAnderson?

  Thank you.

• 1:31:40Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, yeah, that's, that's for our group B bonus app. Did we do a group B bonus?

• 1:31:44Liam McAnderson?

  Yeah, we did.

• 1:31:45November Kelly?

  Yeah, we did.

• 1:31:46Justin Roczniak?

  It was ages.

• 1:31:47November Kelly?

  It was great. Yeah, we ought to do another motorsport one.

• 1:31:50Justin Roczniak?

  Oh, yeah. Number D, we had, we never had enough cars to move the staff around. Thus, standard operating procedures involved at least four people in the backseat and one or two in the trunk.

• 1:32:01Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, it's like the minivan, two in the front, five in the back.

• 1:32:04Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Number E.

• 1:32:06Liam McAnderson?

  Thank you.

• 1:32:07Justin Roczniak?

  Number E, the kitchen did not pass inspection. The first two weeks of camp were fueled by fast food takeout, peanut butter sandwiches and cereal.

• 1:32:17Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:32:18Justin Roczniak?

  I don't think the kitchen.

• 1:32:19Liam McAnderson?

  The old Donald Trump.

• 1:32:20Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. I don't think the kitchen ever actually passed inspection. We just started using it anyway at some point.

• 1:32:26Liam McAnderson?

  Been there.

• 1:32:27November Kelly?

  Uh huh, uh huh.

• 1:32:28Justin Roczniak?

  The staffing decisions were also questionable. Oh, hold on, I just accidentally scrolled up to the top.

• 1:32:34Liam McAnderson?

  It's okay. Take your time. Nothing matters anymore.

• 1:32:36Justin Roczniak?

  That's true. The director of maintenance was a 14 year old boy.

• 1:32:41Liam McAnderson?

  What?

• 1:32:45Justin Roczniak?

  Whose responsibilities involved using the ride on mower, hauling garbage to the dump in a pickup truck, and setting off illegal fireworks on the Fourth of July.

• 1:32:55Liam McAnderson?

  The more north you go, the more south it gets.

• 1:32:57November Kelly?

  Okay. Kind of charming, especially if he had business cards. You know, that's, that's a kid who's going places.

• 1:33:06Justin Roczniak?

  Number B, the camp nurse studied Russian literature, did not have a medication.

• 1:33:11November Kelly?

  Now, that's terrifying. I'm more, I'm more scared of that than the 14 year old maintenance director. Just like fucking, yeah, sure, I can treat you for whatever. Like bug bites, cool. Have you read Anna Karenina?

• 1:33:26Justin Roczniak?

  I think I, I think I know something from War and Peace about this one. Um.

• 1:33:33Justin Roczniak?

  The camp nurse studied Russian literature, did not have a medication dispensing certification, and was selected for the job on the basis of having taken a single first aid course.

• 1:33:43November Kelly?

  Good enough. Fucking Nurse Raskolnikov.

• 1:33:46Justin Roczniak?

  The lifeguard. Number C, the lifeguard, a recent high school graduate, took it upon herself to remove alligators from the swimming area by jumping out of a canoe and tackling them.

• 1:33:59November Kelly?

  And you say herself. Okay, interesting. I think women are icons.

• 1:34:03Justin Roczniak?

  I, I, you wanna, you wanna, you know, you wanna, uh, watch a submarine movie?

• 1:34:12Liam McAnderson?

  Four of them?

• 1:34:13Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Number D, trail clearing was.

• 1:34:16Liam McAnderson?

  Fuck to Crimson Tide is what I'm asking.

• 1:34:21Justin Roczniak?

  General quarters, general quarters.

• 1:34:27Justin Roczniak?

  Number D, trail clearing was done by 14 and 15 year old counselors in training, one of whom nearly cut her thumb off with a machete.

• 1:34:36Liam McAnderson?

  I was a counselor training at the JCC in York, Pennsylvania. That was my first job.

• 1:34:40Justin Roczniak?

  Ooh.

• 1:34:40November Kelly?

  This is, this is an incredible novel in the making, I think.

• 1:34:43Liam McAnderson?

  Uh, can we auction these? Can we, can we auction these rights? Well, there's your problem pictures.

• 1:34:48Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:48November Kelly?

  Ooh.

• 1:34:49Justin Roczniak?

  Number E, there was also a reality TV film crew living at the camp who often tried to get staff and campers to do things like eat Carolina Reapers or reenact emotional moments on camera. I don't think that show ever made it to air.

• 1:35:04Liam McAnderson?

  I hope not.

• 1:35:07Liam McAnderson?

  For your sake, I hope not.

• 1:35:11November Kelly?

  Just, just in the background of a long shot of 14 year old boy chewing a Carolina Reaper and falling off a ride on mower.

• 1:35:20Justin Roczniak?

  I got assigned to barn staff. This meant that as part of a team of three, I tried to keep the camp's 15 horses, one cow, and nine miniature donkeys from dying. I also.

• 1:35:33November Kelly?

  Okay, this is Russian literature.

• 1:35:34Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. I also tried to keep the campers from dying while attempting to ride any horses that were tame and healthy enough to tolerate it on any given week, three to seven of them. Some unique features of this position included, damn, there's a lot of lists on here.

• 1:35:51Justin Roczniak?

  Number A, counselors were not allowed to wear helmets while riding as we only had enough for the campers.

• 1:35:58Liam McAnderson?

  The man in front of you loses his helmet.

• 1:36:01Justin Roczniak?

  Number B, we were required to leave our phones in the main office at all times, meaning that in an emergency, someone would have to walk half a mile to the office to call for help.

• 1:36:12November Kelly?

  That's what the horse is for, surely, unless there are three to seven of them, like fucking throw you.

• 1:36:17Justin Roczniak?

  I have three or seven horses. I'm not sure which.

• 1:36:23Justin Roczniak?

  This brings me to the titular hiding horses in the woods incident. Our horseback director, age 20, the oldest guy on, on campus by far.

• 1:36:31Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, my God, super senior.

• 1:36:34Justin Roczniak?

  The old man. Our horseback director.

• 1:36:38Liam McAnderson?

  Taking a gentleman's quarter.

• 1:36:39Justin Roczniak?

  Oh, wait, old woman. She was constantly being harassed by her parents. They got a police escort to come to camp and take back her truck and her personal horse.

• 1:36:50Liam McAnderson?

  What?

• 1:36:50November Kelly?

  Horse drama is crazy. Like, that's just legitimately true.

• 1:36:55Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, it's, you know, I don't know. They're beautiful animals. Anyway, very dumb.

• 1:37:01November Kelly?

  They are. Yes.

• 1:37:03Justin Roczniak?

  Meanwhile, rather than running the barn, she taught ballroom dance to the campers and gave the counselors stick and poke tattoos using India ink and sewing needles from Walmart. Look at the nice, nice horse tattoo.

• 1:37:16November Kelly?

  Yeah, it's, it's a lovely horse. It's, it's, it's surprisingly well done, I have to say. This is, this is a kind of stress nightmare that you're walking me through here.

• 1:37:27Justin Roczniak?

  Several weeks in, the horseback.

• 1:37:29November Kelly?

  Like, this is, you are legally entitled to veterans benefits, right? Because some of this, some of this background shit, right? Like, just like watching a 19 year old try to fucking slide tackle an alligator is something that you would only otherwise find in like the more jarhead end of the military.

• 1:37:53Justin Roczniak?

  Several weeks in, the horseback director's parents escalated by reporting the camp to county animal control and to the local news for animal abuse and being a cult.

• 1:38:05Liam McAnderson?

  Sure.

• 1:38:06November Kelly?

  Were they right?

• 1:38:07Liam McAnderson?

  Probably.

• 1:38:08Justin Roczniak?

  With a few minutes notice, I was.

• 1:38:10November Kelly?

  Is my question.

• 1:38:11Justin Roczniak?

  With a few minutes notice, I was given the task of hiding three elderly neglected during the off season horses.

• 1:38:18Liam McAnderson?

  Oh.

• 1:38:19November Kelly?

  It's kind of sounding like they were.

• 1:38:21Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, I think there may have been some, some stuff going on. Well, no, there's a happy ending for the horses.

• 1:38:26Liam McAnderson?

  Oh, thank God.

• 1:38:27Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. This meant leading them into the woods by myself, somehow keeping a, a hold of three lead ropes while maneuvering down a narrow trail. It being Florida in the summer, a thunderstorm soon developed. Horses do not like thunderstorms.

• 1:38:44Liam McAnderson?

  No.

• 1:38:44Justin Roczniak?

  And I still didn't have my phone with me to call for backup. I spent about an hour soaked to the skin, trying to keep the horses from running away or getting tangled in each other's lead ropes. Eventually, as the lightning got alarmingly close, I gave up on this morally dubious mission and returned to the barn. The local ABC News affiliate was there, but had decided not to film due to the weather, and animal control hadn't bothered to show up.

• 1:39:11November Kelly?

  Florida moment.

• 1:39:13Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah. Somehow no one died or was permanently maimed. At the end of the summer, all the horses were adopted out to better homes.

• 1:39:20Liam McAnderson?

  Yay.

• 1:39:21Justin Roczniak?

  The camp ran out of money and I later sued the owner in small claims court to get my last four weeks pay. When I went by his house to pick up the money in cash, since his accounts had been frozen for other business crimes, he was attempting to host some camp. He was attempting to host summer camp out of his living room.

• 1:39:39Liam McAnderson?

  Can't do that, man. That's the plot of Daddy Daycare and nothing good happens in that.

• 1:39:46Justin Roczniak?

  The horseback director eventually escaped from her parents and I changed my major to animal welfare. All the best from A.

• 1:39:53November Kelly?

  Feel like I have just been, I feel like I've just stuck my head in a bucket while someone threw a bunch of Bluetooth speakers around the outside playing Ethel Kane, American Teenager at me.

• 1:40:07November Kelly?

  Uh huh. Magical country. Thank you so much for rising in.

• 1:40:11Justin Roczniak?

  I, I'm glad the horses are doing better. Um.

• 1:40:14November Kelly?

  I'm glad the horseback director's doing okay. I, I want a sort of animal house ending epilogue for all of these where it's like, yeah, and, and the one who was like tackling crocodiles died in Nazareth or something, you know?

• 1:40:29Justin Roczniak?

  Alligator lady, uh, call me. Um.

• 1:40:33Liam McAnderson?

  Did you watch Dostoot and fuck?

• 1:40:41Justin Roczniak?

  Well, that was, that was safety third. But I ran it all the way. Our next episode will be on Chernobyl. Does anyone have any commercials before we go?

• 1:40:51November Kelly?

  No, I don't think so. I think everyone knows the stuff that we do. Like, yeah.

• 1:40:55Justin Roczniak?

  Let's listen.

• 1:40:56November Kelly?

  Listen to the stuff.

• 1:40:57Justin Roczniak?

  Listen to the stuff. Listen to Gareth and I's new podcast, uh, Trains Atlantic, where we just talk about trains. That's, that's just.

• 1:41:03November Kelly?

  Yes, you know, uh, bonus episodes will happen soon. I promise. Every time I disappoint any one of you individually, I feel bitterly ashamed. Just trust me.

• 1:41:14Justin Roczniak?

  Horrible.

• 1:41:14November Kelly?

  We've all, we've all been going through it. That's real, actually. That's genuinely true. So like, I, I just, I'm on it. Okay. I'm, that, that will be something. There will be slides. There will be something. We will record a bonus episode or I will, you know, uh, find other ways to atone for my sin.

• 1:41:33Justin Roczniak?

  Go out in a public square and hit yourself with a board while chanting in Latin.

• 1:41:37November Kelly?

  Yeah, yeah, no, absolutely.

• 1:41:40Justin Roczniak?

  Be a su domine.

• 1:41:59Justin Roczniak?

  All right.

• 1:42:01Justin Roczniak?

  That was a podcast.

• 1:42:02November Kelly?

  Well, thank you so much for listening. This is a podcast. This is good.

• 1:42:05Justin Roczniak?

  Yeah, all right. Bye, everyone.

• 1:42:07Liam McAnderson?

  Bye, everybody.