Nadiya Hussain: What Bake Off Really Cost Me "I had a panic button in my house"

Nadiya Hussain opens up about the reality behind her extraordinary rise from home baker to one of Britain’s most recognisable TV personalities, and why success came with challenges she never expected. She reflects on winning The Great British Bake Off, facing death threats, feeling like an outsider in the television industry, and the pressure to shrink or filter herself to make others comfortable. Nadiya also shares why she is finally choosing to take up space, live more authentically and embrace her “elbows out” mentality, even if that means walking away from an industry that no longer feels like home. We're Talking Bake Off and Beyond (00:00) Intro(00:28) How Nadiya Landed Her Life-Changing Bake Off Opportunity(03:54) Why Nadiya Felt Like An “Alien” On Bake Off(07:11) The Shocking Death Threats Nadiya Faced On The Show(10:28) What Nadiya Said After Winning Bake Off(14:07) How The Pressure Of Fame Changed Nadiya's Life(15:22) What Happens Next For Nadiya After Leaving The BBC(17:33) Nadiya's Most Memorable Conversation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's Fall Drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy-to-layer styles meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon Fall Lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in-store and on lululemon.com now.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Welcome to We're Talking. In this episode, Nadia Hussain opens up about the experience that changed her life. From entering the Great British Bake Off as a self-taught baker battling anxiety, to winning the show and suddenly finding herself in the public eye.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  You've written 18 books in the last 10 years.

• 1:02Speaker 02

  10 years, yeah.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Okay. And then you've also been on television consistently.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  For 10 years?

• 1:09Speaker 01

  For 10 years. All right. Extraordinary career.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13Speaker 01

  But it begins with who I'm going to call the MVP of your story, your husband.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  He is the MVP.

• 1:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  So tell me, how does he truly become your conduit, right? Your connection to television? And at this time, though, I understand, you're not a baker.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  I just bake at home, yeah.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  I mean, you're just at home, but not even doing it, you know, I think there's like amateur bakers at home.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  But you're just for fun.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  Oh, for fun, self-taught. I was like croissants. I was making croissants and, you know, like, yeah, just pastry. And I was just making all these kind of really cool desserts and cake and you name it, baking. But I was only baking because I was really anxious. And it really helped to quiet my mind. So baking really just helped me just to like zone out. And it was my therapy. It was my kind of therapy. So it's something to do with my hands, quiet my brain. And so I used to just do that. And I just got really good at it. And my husband just kept saying, you know, you, and he just said, one day, one day, he just said, you could do that show. I said, no, I couldn't. Don't be ridiculous. Went away.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  And I think it must have been three days before the deadline for the 2015 Bake Off. He'd done the application form. And he said, I've done all the boring bits, like address, GP address, all of that. He said, but I can't do the bakey bits. Could you just humor me? Just do it. I said, I'll do it, but they're not going to ring me. It's not going to happen. Whatever. Three days later, I get a phone call and do an interview. You have to do quite a round of tests. So you do a phone interview, then you have to go there and do a screen test, and then you have to take some bakes. So there's a particular bakes that you have to take that are your own bakes. And then they give you a Paul and Mary bake, and then you have to do those. So six months' worth of back and forth, back and forth.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  And then I get a phone call and they say, you've made it to the final 12.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  I was like, oh, okay. Completely like numb. I was like, okay, yeah. Put the phone down. Husband comes home. I didn't even text him. Comes home and I said, you know, I made it to the final 12. He reacts the way a normal person would react, which is like, yay, it's exciting and happy. And then I said, I'm not doing it. He goes, you did all that to not do it? He said, you're doing it. And I said, I'm not. You're going to have to call them and tell them I died. He said, you call them and tell them you died. And I said, well, I can't, can I? Because I'd be dead.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  And so I said, look, I'll do it. I'll do it. But I just, I don't think I'm going to get very far. And he goes, look, just don't get kicked out week one, because that'd be really embarrassing. I'm like, don't put pressure on me. But there I was, week on week, week on week, and...

• 3:59Speaker 01

  And I have to ask, going into it, though, you're not sure what you're fearful of.

• 4:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  But you're still in fear. Your husband's propping you up, giving you that motivation. Do you begin to think at all, okay, I'm going on, I'm a second-generation Bangladeshi woman of color, like I'm Muslim? Do you begin to think about any of those aspects of your identity?

• 4:26Speaker 02

  I didn't till I got walked into the tent.

• 4:30Speaker 02

  Didn't even think about it.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Till I actually walked into the tent. And then I walked in and I looked around and I was like, oh, great. Because I know that feeling. I know what it's like to be the only me in a room full of people that all feel familiar to each other, but I felt like the alien. I walked in, I was like, oh. And even production, you know, the team behind the scenes, there was nobody like me. So I was like, I felt very much like a, I stuck out like a sore thumb. And I, I felt different. But there was, Tamal was on there and he's from a part of Bangladesh. But again, I just didn't feel like, I just felt like, I just felt very alien.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  How do you describe that? How does feeling alien, how do you, how does that feel to feel alien?

• 5:22Speaker 02

  You know, the voices in your head, you know, the noise in your head just gets really loud. That's what it feels like to me. So all the things that I always questioned about myself, they just get really loud. And that just overtakes everything. Because then you're like, am I wearing the right clothes? Am I, am I, am I, are they looking at me? Do I look weird? Do I pronounce my Ts better because I'm amongst loads of English people? Like, am I speaking okay? Like, am I eloquent enough?

• 5:56Speaker 02

  So it's things like that. And through time, I realized that I've just made myself in the last 10 years. I feel like I've just made, I do, I often look back at myself and think, I'm just a caricature of myself. Yeah.

• 6:10Speaker 01

  Do you?

• 6:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure. My whole life, I've constantly shrunk myself to make everybody else comfortable.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  So even when I was in that tent, I would speak, but I would try so hard not to sound like I was from Luton. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Sound, sound as not bilingual as possible. Pronounce your Ts. Speak slowly. Say every word properly. I'm thinking that while trying to bake, while being judged. So it just gets louder. That's what alien feels like.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  But you win.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. Was not expecting that.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  So then how does that change your perception of you and your identity and your self-worth?

• 6:58Speaker 02

  Well, you know what? I want to say to you that I stepped away from there feeling like my self-worth was at its best and I felt amazing. But what happened to me so quickly after winning Bake Off was that I fell into a career that I never expected to have and didn't want. That, winning Bake Off did not prepare me for the cesspit that it is, that it is to be in the public eye.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  So can you describe winning and then what happens in those few weeks after winning? Because I would imagine winning, your life does, I mean, clearly, your life changed.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I'd already had production living in my house.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  That's right. Okay, that's right. So you were getting death threats. And I think this is important, though, to unpack, is that, so you're on the show and then you receive a death threat.

• 7:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  So what is that like? Because many people have never, unfortunately, I have been on the receiving end of a death threat. It can really throw you off, especially if it involves your...

• 8:07Speaker 02

  That should not be normal.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  It should not be normal at all.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  When you receive it, when, where were you? How did it impact you?

• 8:16Speaker 02

  It's soul-destroying because somebody hates you enough to want you dead.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  And then you ask yourself, why? Am I that bad? Why, why do you want me dead? Like, I couldn't understand it. I was like, I lost my faith in humanity completely. I was like, no, I don't know. It messes with your head.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then your, your, your family as well. You have to be thinking immediately about, I have children.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Protect.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  You go into, you go into lioness mode and you're like, I'm just going to protect my kids. But we had panic buttons installed in the house because, yeah. And my daughter grew up, up until now, thinking that everyone had panic buttons in their house, direct to the police, because doesn't everyone have panic buttons in their house?

• 9:05Speaker 01

  Look at that.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  And that was a level of security in your house in case there was an intruder?

• 9:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  That anyone, your children, could hit that button?

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  The police would be called.

• 9:15Speaker 02

  They would be, they'd be in the house within a minute. Because we've had people come to the door, we've had people try and look over, look over into the house and get pictures and things like that. And so we've had to be really, really careful with the kids. And to the point where we live in a house that's actually overlooked by seven neighbors because we feel protected, because all our neighbors know us.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  So it's really cool because actually when we're out, they see us. And so if there's any problems, we've taught our kids to go out in the garden and shout because there'll be a neighbor that'll hear you.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  Look at that.

• 9:44Speaker 02

  So, yeah. And, and that's not normal. Like, that's not normal.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  So what about the good?

• 9:50Speaker 02

  The good? Oh, my goodness. After all these years of doing it, it's the people I meet. Whenever I meet someone, like the day after I won, I met a lady who had postnatal depression. And she's a Muslim woman who wears a hijab and she had postnatal depression, hadn't left the house for nine months. And she said, you are the reason why I got my baby into that car seat, drove my car for the first time in nine months and came to Tesco just to get some milk. Because if you can do that, then I can go to Tesco. And for me, I felt like I met her and there was a reason why God made our paths meet.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  And ever since that moment and being on television and writing books and being in the public eye, one of the best things for me has been the fact that I've been able to represent people like me who don't see any worth in themselves, but went out there, went and walked to the other side of fear and looked back and said, fear is not a big deal. I can handle fear and can do something that is so incredibly scary, but stand there and say, I'm going to take up this space because it's important for me to take up this space. Because it's, I didn't realize how important it was to be the voice for the voiceless. And that's a huge responsibility for me, but it's one that I don't carry lightly.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  You know, I carry it with pride. It's heavy, but I carry it because I know it's my responsibility.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:14Speaker 01

  You know, that was reminiscent, that sentiment that you just gave, that was reminiscent of, I think, that speech that you gave when you won.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Which I understand wasn't written.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  No.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  That just came from the heart.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  And you really got emotional during that speech and it was very empowering. And I think it was very empowering, I think, for the voiceless. And for those who have always felt like they, you know, that in essence, we need to be our own self-advocate.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  Like, anyone who watches that speech at the end, and it wasn't rehearsed. Everyone said, did you write that? I said, absolutely not. I did not write that. I didn't think I was going to win.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  Anybody who knows, watches that knows that that baking show was more than a baking show to me. It did something to me. It allowed me to step in the power, step into the power that I didn't know I had.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  Is that the sentiment with the elbows out?

• 12:12Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  That is my kids affirmation. Every time my kids have a moment and they need to hear it, I'm like elbows out because you live in a world where you are different. You are not like everybody else. There's going, you are going to fight 10 times harder for 10 times less. I know. I've worked 10 times harder than the people in my industry for 10 times less. And still, and still I fight. I continue elbows out. I tell them elbows out, do it. Like, when you physically do it and you make space for yourself, it feels really empowering. But you, in here, you make space for yourself so you can make space for others. And in those moments where I feel really down and I'm really struggling, especially where, where work is concerned,

• 12:55Speaker 02

  like, I, I have to, I have to tell myself, elbows out. Remember why you did this. Remember why you continued despite the death threats, despite the abuse, despite the hate, despite the online comments. Despite all of that, you continued to stand there with your elbows out and you made space for you, but there was a bigger picture.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:16Speaker 02

  It was for everyone else.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  It's for everyone.

• 13:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  But, but you just mentioned, when you look back, you became a caricature.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Of, of yourself. So we need to understand how, how this happens. So.

• 13:28Speaker 00

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• 13:58Speaker 03

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• 14:28Speaker 01

  You win.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  Incredible speech. I would imagine lots, a lot begins to change. So I would imagine the industry begins to call. So agents probably reach out to you. Everyone wants to represent you.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  Different production companies probably come offering different deals. So how do you begin to navigate the business of the industry? What you win?

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Well, the first thing that happened was I got myself an agent and, because they suggest that. They suggest when you win Bake Off, they say, when you get to the end, last sort of episodes, last three, they suggest, they give you a list of agents and say, look, we suggest that you get yourself an agent because work could come your way, work may not come your way, but you need to be prepared for somebody to be able to negotiate those deals with you. And so I did that, thinking I will never, ever get any work. I was like, okay, look, I'll just do it, but I can sign up and if I get no work, then that's fine. So I get an agent. And there's a lot of, I think, once you are in the industry, you've got to be really, like, there's this moment where you realize how filtered you have to become. And there's certain things you can say, there's certain things you can't say.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  And, and I always get asked, people say, are you, are you, are you trained? Are you, are you media trained? And I'm like, no, absolutely not media trained. But I have learned through time how to sort of kind of be like a politician where you kind of can't, don't have to answer fully, but you do answer the question. But there's a lot of that. You kind of, and what's really difficult about going from being not in the public eye to being in the public eye is that now you're managed by somebody. So what you wear, how you speak, what you do, what you post, what you don't post, all of that, somebody is always overlooking that. So there's, you lose control. There's, and so that's where you do, no matter how much you'd try to retain your identity,

• 16:22Speaker 02

  which is something that I've worked really hard to do, there is always going to be an element of filter. There's going to be a gate. There's going to be an invisible filter that your management has to do. They have to.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  And that's, there's points where I look back and I think, I, was I truly myself in that?

• 16:42Speaker 01

  So when you look at the industry, though.

• 16:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:44Speaker 01

  Because you think about, you've been in this industry, this space for 10 years, done countless television shows, documentaries, said the books, 18 books, countless speaking opportunities. I mean, your name and face, your brand is known all around the world.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:01Speaker 01

  Do you feel as if that box where you felt like there wasn't enough room at BBC, do you feel like that's the case for you and the industry? Or is that just you and that particular network?

• 17:14Speaker 02

  I, do you know what? I think I'm going to be the truest, most honest version of myself, entirely unfiltered, with no management, nobody to tell me what I can do, can't do, can say, can't say.

• 17:30Speaker 02

  And only then will I know what space the industry has for me.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  But I'm not holding out for the industry. I'm not holding out for the industry to accept me. Because that's what I've done my whole life. I will, I will figure it out and I will find a space where I'm welcome.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  And that might not be in this industry and I'm all right with that.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  We, we've talked about quite a bit here.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Right. Is there anything that we have not yet discussed that you feel is important for us to talk about?

• 18:06Speaker 02

  I think I've given you everything but my blood type.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  What is your blood type, by the way?

• 18:13Speaker 01

  Give it to me.

• 18:13Speaker 02

  Such a good chat. It's been amazing.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  It is. Well, you know, I have another question.

• 18:17Speaker 02

  Okay, go on.

• 18:18Speaker 01

  I have two more questions.

• 18:18Speaker 02

  Go on, go on.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  These are quick ones, by the way.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  Okay, go on.

• 18:21Speaker 01

  Hijab. Color.

• 18:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  I notice you have a nice little orange.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  But it looks very good with the whole outfit, but is this also the mood as well?

• 18:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. So if I wear a black hijab, know that I'm not in a good place. I do not wear black hijabs. I don't wear them. I, I never have. I don't like them.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  But all through Bake Off, I wore black because I'm stressed and, but yeah, my hijab determines my mood. And I always, I love color and I love wearing color. And if I'm in a colorful scarf, I'm probably feeling quite colorful. So yeah, I, I just, yeah. You, you made me wear the, was it yellow? Yeah, yellow.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. I like the whole vibe. The whole vibe is good.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  The whole vibe is good. Okay. So then I'll ask the question that everyone gets. And the question is this, if you think back to all of the conversations that you've had throughout your life, which one was the most memorable? Who was it with? And what did you learn?

• 19:31Speaker 02

  Oh, God, I'm a big talker, so I have lots of conversations. Probably my grandma.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  My grandma's 92 and she's now legally blind. Sharp as a, she's really sharp. So she, she's amazing. She's amazing. My grandma's amazing. So I was at my mom and dad's house and my mom was having a go at me and she was like, when are you going to get back to the kids? She just, she doesn't understand how I can be a mother and have a career at the same time. And she walked out and my grandma said, do you like what you do? And I said, yeah, I do. And she goes, don't listen to your mom. And that for me, it was a very short conversation, but it was the first time

• 20:18Speaker 02

  I'd seen my very quiet, compliant grandma who literally did everything by the book. She was the first time she told me to break a rule. Like, she would normally say, you should listen to your mom. Listen to what your mom has to say. But at 92, I saw the rebel in her. And I was like, really, when I look back at all the women in my life,

• 20:47Speaker 02

  I've never seen my grandma rebel. And it was the first time I've seen her do something or say something contradictory. And I imagine I kind of sat back and thought to myself, how many times has she wanted to break the rules and not been able to? And I suppose now I look back and I think I'm breaking all those rules for her. And that's what I tell my daughter. It's like, you're going to get stuff wrong. Things are going to go pear shaped. It's okay. Get it wrong. It's fine. Rebel. Fight. It's, it's okay.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  And if you want to hear the full, unfiltered stories from today's guest, you can check them out on the We Need to Talk page. Drop a like, leave a comment, and hit subscribe. See you next week.

• 21:41Speaker 00

  When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's Fall Drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy-to-layer styles meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon Fall lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in store and on lululemon.com now.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  Finding a doctor is hard enough. Finding the right doctor, even harder. Someone who takes your insurance, has an available appointment when you need one, and feels like someone you can actually open up to. That's where Zocdoc comes in. Download the Zocdoc app to search and compare doctors by specialty, insurance, and availability. Read real patient reviews, find the right fit for you, and book instantly. Because getting seen by the right doctor matters. Zocdoc. Ready to be seen? Download the Zocdoc app today.