We're Talking Pleasure with Susan Bratton

Susan Bratton opens up about the profound physical and emotional connections that shape true intimacy, and how anyone can have the best sex of their life. From breaking down the realities of "duty sex" to unpacking the secret to lasting pleasure, Susan reflects on how prioritizing genuine connection can transform our relationships and self-worth in the bedroom. She also revisits the most common mistakes people make when it comes to intimacy, her mission to help couples deeply reconnect, and the personal journey that made her a leading voice in sexual wellness. Raw, honest and revealing, this is a conversation about breaking taboos and the practices that can completely redefine your love life. We're Talking Pleasure with Susan Bratton! (00:00) Intro(00:27) What Is Susan's Definition Of Sex?(03:48) Why Sexual Terminology Matters More Than You Think(05:48) What Do UK And US Satisfaction Rates Reveal About Sex?(06:28) What Really Happens During An Orgasm?(13:22) Why Premature Ejaculation Is So Common(15:01) Does Penis Size Actually Make A Difference?(16:11) What Does The Vagina Really Want?(21:17) How To Break Free From “The Script” In Your Sex Life Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:29Speaker 01

  So good, so good, so good.

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• 0:48Speaker 03

  Welcome to We're Talking. In this episode, pleasure expert Susan Bratton joins me for an unfiltered conversation about what happens in the bedroom and how to truly unlock maximum pleasure in your love life.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  What is sex?

• 1:15Speaker 04

  Yeah. In my opinion, what sex is, is intimate connection and pleasure. And I'd go so far as to say orgasmic pleasure. Because there's a very big distinction physiologically between how much health benefits you get from intimacy, oxytocin creation, skin-on-skin contact, co-regulation.

• 1:36Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:36Speaker 04

  And hot orgasmic bliss states of ecstasy, right? That's even better.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  That's really good.

• 1:44Speaker 04

  And you, that's so good. And you can get there with kissing, breast pleasuring, genital pleasuring, oral pleasuring, intercourse. I mean, there are over 20 kinds of orgasms the human body can have, and they are all learned skills.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  So you're saying that you can have an orgasm just through kissing?

• 2:07Speaker 04

  Oh, God, yeah. Oh, very much so. Just through breast pleasuring. I can have a coregasm. I can have a footgasm. I can have a female ejaculatory orgasm. I can have a think-off. I can, I can literally be erotically hypnotized, and I can have orgasms on command under hypnosis. So what I've done over the last two decades, that I've been writing the recipes for hot sex.

• 2:32Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:33Speaker 04

  Is that I've been systematically achieving having these types of orgasms. And as I figure out how to do it, what the pathways are to it, I write the directions down.

• 2:48Speaker 03

  I see.

• 2:48Speaker 04

  So that people can have them with, you know, not with me, but have them too. Have them like I have them. So many women think that they're just not the kind of person who can have an orgasm from intercourse, so they no longer want to have intercourse. So, you know, then the couple stops having regular pleasure because they think of sex being so narrowly defined as intercourse.

• 3:10Speaker 03

  Right.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  And she thinks there's something wrong with her, rather than the fact that all we ever see in our culture is pictures, movies, stories, that are oriented toward the way a penis and a testosterone-dominant human person likes sensation. And what I like to do is I like to teach what the vulva owners need as well. And it's nobody's fault that we don't know it. We are coming out of a lot of religious repression, a lot of shame, lack of sex education, pleasure-based,

• 3:54Speaker 04

  female-focused sex education.

• 3:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 3:56Speaker 04

  There's very little sexual literacy, as we talked earlier. There's a lot of censorship of what I can even, I can't even use the words vagina, vulva, penis, clitoris, without putting asterisks. I joke that the story of my life is going to be called "Segs," S-E-G-G-S, you know? Like, the movie about Susan Bratton, the title is "Segs." Trying to teach pleasure in the age of mass censorship, you know?

• 4:26Speaker 03

  Which is incredible. I mean, even thinking about that, why do you think that all of these words are censored? Like, why would clitoris or vagina be censored?

• 4:37Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, it's a political discussion that I probably don't want to get into on a show about pleasure.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  Wow, okay.

• 4:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:49Speaker 03

  All right, fair enough. Fair enough. That says it all right there. That says it all. So, a yoni, you refer, yoni is the vulva.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  It's internal, external.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Internal.

• 5:00Speaker 04

  It's the vagina, it's the urethral sponges, the clitoral sponges, the perineal sponge, the outer labia, the inner labia, the Mons Venus, the clitoral shaft, the clitoral tip, the perineal area, the fourchette. These are all different locations.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  I see.

• 5:16Speaker 04

  And different types of tissue in the yoni. Yoni is the kind of a word that I like. You know, some people call it their kitty, or different things like that, their flower, and all of them are very pretty. I tend to like to teach the word yoni because... Because it comes from tantric lovemaking, which is a very heart-connected kind of lovemaking. We look in each other's eyes, we breathe together, we're connected in our hearts, we're connected in our body. It's really a more spiritual, less, less friction and more connection.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 5:49Speaker 04

  Which is what I like. That's the kind of lovemaking techniques that I like to teach, are removing it from role-play, or, you know, feeling like there's a performance, and moving it into, I don't know where you start and I end, in our ecstatic pleasure together.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  I see.

• 6:07Speaker 04

  And so, I think that that's a really nice word, that's comprehensive. Because vagina, that, to me, that's very male-oriented, because it's just the part you put your penis in.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 6:18Speaker 04

  When actually, all my action, like 60% of my action starts on the outside.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  This is such a good point. So I remember teaching my sons.

• 6:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  The difference between a vulva and a vagina.

• 6:31Speaker 04

  Good. Thanks, Dad.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  Dad Award.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got it, I got it, I got it. And, and it was because I saw, and I think the research shows that, uh, seventeen...

• 6:43Speaker 04

  You gonna break my heart on this one, or is it like?

• 6:46Speaker 03

  I'm gonna break your heart right now. You may cry right now.

• 6:48Speaker 04

  Yeah. Are there tissues? Okay, I'm ready, girl.

• 6:53Speaker 03

  Okay, you're ready. Seventy-three percent of women.

• 6:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  In the UK said they do not know what a vulva is.

• 7:01Speaker 04

  Right, right, right, yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  Right. So you think about that, that means it's 99% of men.

• 7:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  Right? And so I remember seeing something along those lines, so I started teaching them the difference.

• 7:12Speaker 04

  Good.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  So now, talking about pleasure.

• 7:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  What is an orgasm?

• 7:16Speaker 04

  It's a couple of different things. Primarily, it's a contraction. And because lovemaking is so co-regulating, oxytocin is one of the nicest things that you generate. Like, the body is flooded with oxytocin with lovemaking. And one of the things that's kind of neat about oxytocin is that it works on, and I just learned this like, yesterday, that it's a contractile hormone.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 7:42Speaker 04

  And that made a lot of sense to me, because contraction is a big part of orgasm. You know, when you have the, you know, when you're like, when you come, you, you know, it's a, there's a contraction there.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:59Speaker 04

  And so oxytocin helps with orgasmic response, as well as locking the blood flow into the erectile tissue, especially of the penis.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  All right.

• 8:09Speaker 04

  Nerd, nerd alert.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  I mean, this, this is good.

• 8:12Speaker 04

  I know, I like it.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  So the contraction happens.

• 8:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  As a result of the oxytocin.

• 8:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's a big, big help, is oxytocin.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  All right. So that makes it the, what about excreting any fluids? Is that part of the orgasm as well?

• 8:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, so there's a lot of things that happen during an orgasm. There's a neurotransmitter cascade, there's a hormone cascade, there's a contraction and a release that's very nervous system rebooting.

• 8:37Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 8:37Speaker 04

  There's all kinds of things, like literally, when you have an orgasm, you release NK cells, natural killer cells. Natural killer cells are the little cells that gang up like Pac-Man in your bloodstream and eat precancerous cells and senescent cells, the zombie cells that the, you know, that the longevity people speak about. I mean, this is why I talk a lot about how your, if you extend your sex span, you extend your health span and your happiness span, because you're getting the oxytocin, you're getting the nor-, you're getting the dopamine, you're getting the serotonin, you're getting all these things.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 9:15Speaker 04

  So an orgasm is both the, there's a lot of pathways from your genitals or all parts of your body, like, there's... Raphini nerve endings and carpian core puzzles and mechanoreceptors. And there's all these little cellular signals that are sending pleasure signals to your brain. Your brain is your biggest sex organ because it's processing sensation and telling you, oh, that feels good, right? Like, that's what it's doing.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 9:46Speaker 04

  So, all this stuff's happening concurrently in your body. So, having oxytocin and having intimacy and holding hands and things like that, they're all great. As a matter of fact, one of my favorite things about oxytocin is that it makes you less annoyed with people.

• 10:02Speaker 03

  Oh, my goodness.

• 10:03Speaker 04

  Could we all use a little bit more of that right now?

• 10:05Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 10:06Speaker 04

  Like, let's go. Give me a double shot of oxytocin, right?

• 10:09Speaker 03

  So, you're saying we all need more orgasms in our life?

• 10:12Speaker 04

  Yes, because it creates empathy as well as joy and co-regulation. You like people better, not just your spouse or your partner or your lover or whatever, but you actually like people better. You like, you think nature's more beautiful and paint and painting and art and music are more beautiful, food tastes better.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  Connected to oxytocin, obviously, orgasms. Would you suggest that there is an optimal number of orgasms we should be having? So, for example, one a day, is that enough? Is that too much?

• 10:45Speaker 04

  That's a low bar.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  That's a low bar?

• 10:47Speaker 04

  That's a low bar.

• 10:48Speaker 03

  Are you serious?

• 10:49Speaker 04

  I mean, you can come, you can come for hours. I mean, you can, you can just, you can just roll through orgasms.

• 10:54Speaker 03

  Men as well?

• 10:55Speaker 04

  Yes. All 20 kind of orgasms are available to the male and female body.

• 10:59Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 11:00Speaker 04

  We have this thing, it's called homologous parts.

• 11:02Speaker 03

  You've listed at least 50 words I have no idea how to spell.

• 11:05Speaker 04

  I like the science of sex.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  I see it.

• 11:08Speaker 04

  And I think it really does help people get, like, get connected to it a little more and then open to it, like, when they realize, oh, this is really important to my life. You know, like, if I really want to have a good, long, healthy, happy life. So, for me, I'm 64 right now, and I'm having the absolute best sex of my life. I have orgasms so easily in so many ways. And I've been, 20 years ago, I got into doing what I do because I wasn't having any orgasms at all. And I'd had sex with my husband for 11 years, and I was avoiding him for sex because I didn't have orgasms. I didn't think I could, he didn't think I could, but he's do want to have sex anyway, right?

• 11:52Speaker 04

  That's just how it is in so many places because we don't know that we could just learn how to do it.

• 11:57Speaker 03

  And that in itself, I think, is a myth that we should unpack is, if I have not had an orgasm.

• 12:03Speaker 04

  Yet.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  Yet.

• 12:05Speaker 04

  That's the word.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  It means I cannot have an orgasm in the future.

• 12:10Speaker 04

  No, you can always have an orgasm in the future.

• 12:12Speaker 03

  You can always.

• 12:13Speaker 04

  You just haven't yet. You just need to learn how.

• 12:15Speaker 03

  Okay. And even if I haven't had it for 10 years, in your example, you haven't had it.

• 12:18Speaker 04

  No, we do.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 12:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course. It's just learning the pathways and training your body to feel sensation and being able to stay in sensation.

• 12:26Speaker 03

  Okay. And how, and how long can you now hold an orgasm?

• 12:30Speaker 04

  I mean, I can come for, you know, I can come for an hour straight from light, delicate clitoral break.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  Are you serious?

• 12:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, you just learn how to stand station, you just ride the sensation. You can just come and come and come.

• 12:42Speaker 03

  For, for an hour?

• 12:43Speaker 04

  Easy. I just, I gotta have a drink of water, I gotta take a rest, that's all.

• 12:47Speaker 03

  That's, you are an Olympian.

• 12:52Speaker 04

  I am, but everybody is.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  But everyone is.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  And thank you for having me. Because people, if they know these things, then they're like, well, all right, I'm gonna do it, I'm doing it, you know?

• 13:02Speaker 03

  Does it, does it reach a point, though, where it's too long?

• 13:04Speaker 04

  No.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  No.

• 13:06Speaker 04

  And I don't usually come for an hour. We have to move positions and things like that, but I will have an extended lovemaking experience that will include, often, it'll include yoni and linga massage, it'll include breast pleasuring, because kissing and breast pleasuring, your body, there's a pyramid, a three-axis pyramid of arousal that includes your lips and tongue, your mouth and throat, your breasts and nipples, for men as well. Men just don't think they can have it, but they can. We have the same bodies, you can be, many men are very orgasmic from nipple orgasms.

• 13:41Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 13:42Speaker 04

  And, and anybody can learn how. And then, the genital system. And when you, when you start to kiss, that starts the letdown, the release, and then stimulating the breasts and nipples, that really helps get the blood flowing into the genitals, because we need blood flow to fill up the tissue.

• 14:01Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  To have more surface area to send the signals to our biggest, our biggest sex organ, our brain.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  Our brain, wow. Look, look at that, look at that. So, on this note, because you're talking about ejaculation.

• 14:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:15Speaker 03

  Premature ejaculation.

• 14:16Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  Is a topic that a lot of men don't want to talk about.

• 14:20Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  But it is.

• 14:22Speaker 04

  It's the number one issue of men.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  Is it?

• 14:24Speaker 04

  Yes. And I would, I would actually put it in the category of performance anxiety, like generalized anxiety. And there are a number of things that you can do, techniques that help you become more present, because often what happens to men, you guys are the best, you want to please us so much, you'd do anything to give us pleasure, you'd give up your pleasure for our pleasure, you know? Men have been painted as being so selfish and, you know, it's all for them or what have you, and it's not. They just don't know what to do. And that's why I love what I do, because I love to tell men how to give their partners incredible pleasure. And a part of it is that they get the performance anxiety because they're thinking about something

• 15:07Speaker 04

  that happened last time that didn't go well, or they're catastrophizing what could happen. And they're not present and in their body. And so, a lot of premature ejaculation is solo pleasuring too fast, too hard, and then they kind of get into that routine. Some of it is just they're very, very sensitive, and they have to learn how to manage being overly sensitive and it, you know, just like, like they can barely even penetrate a woman before they come too fast.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  Interesting.

• 15:41Speaker 04

  And, but a lot of it is in the big sex organ, it's in the brain, right?

• 15:47Speaker 03

  Now, I remember I was talking to Karen Gurney.

• 15:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:50Speaker 03

  Out of the UK, sex therapist out of, out of the UK.

• 15:54Speaker 04

  Great.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  And we were talking about penis size.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 15:57Speaker 03

  And that, how that, that, that touches upon a lot of anxiety for men.

• 16:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  So, myth, is this a myth, that penis size matters? Is that myth or fact?

• 16:08Speaker 04

  Well, the average penis is, you know, five and something, whatever, I don't even know, but, you know, like, six inches or what have you. And women generally want six inches in a regular partner, seven inches for a hot date.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  And we're talking about erect?

• 16:23Speaker 04

  Erect, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, the penis is like a little nothing, you know, until all the erectile tissue fills with blood. It's amazing, right?

• 16:30Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 16:31Speaker 04

  What it does is just incredible.

• 16:32Speaker 03

  It is.

• 16:33Speaker 04

  Men have wonderful hemodynamics, I love that word.

• 16:36Speaker 03

  Hemodynamics, you have words.

• 16:38Speaker 04

  I got words.

• 16:39Speaker 03

  Oh, my gosh.

• 16:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 03

  So, this would suggest to me, though, that penis size then does matter.

• 16:47Speaker 00

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• 17:16Speaker 01

  So good, so good, so good.

• 17:19Speaker 02

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• 17:45Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, I think for some women it doesn't, some, and, and, you know, remember, we have these vaginal caverns that are very interesting, too. I gotta get my balloon out and show you what the vagina wants, because the, the vagina itself is a mucous membrane.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 18:01Speaker 04

  And it, it has this little tiny sphincter muscle at the opening that's called, here's another nerdy word, I'll even say it like a nerd, the entrytal sphincter.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  Entritels, entritels sphincter.

• 18:12Speaker 04

  Entrital sphincter.

• 18:13Speaker 03

  Entritels sphincter.

• 18:14Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's a little round muscle, and it had, it's full of mechanoreceptors that love to feel stretch. So, it loves when something takes that little muscle and opens it like a penis.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  I see.

• 18:28Speaker 04

  And then, it has this kind of, really just like a long tubey shaft to it.

• 18:35Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 18:36Speaker 04

  And this is where the G-spot is up here, and this is where the perineal sponge is down here. So, the whole entrance and the early part, the early part of the cavern is full of erectile tissue. It's got like a, a golden bracelet of erectile tissue around the opening and the early entrance to the vagina.

• 18:55Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 18:56Speaker 04

  But then, the vagina itself tense up as you become aroused, which is why foreplay, which I like to consider just to be sex, too.

• 19:04Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 19:05Speaker 04

  You know, like, let's not rush to intercourse, let's, like, take our time.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Right. And that's controversial even to call it foreplay, you know, for some people. So, but, but when you become aroused.

• 19:16Speaker 04

  It goes like this and it tense up. Your cervix pulls up, the uterus pulls up, there gets, all this extra room gets in there.

• 19:24Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 19:24Speaker 04

  And the vagina, okay, so like, can I have your hand?

• 19:28Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 19:28Speaker 04

  I'm gonna let that go for a second. So, um, when I, if I were to rub you, I, if I rubbed you and I just rubbed your skin, it feels nice.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  Like, it's nice.

• 19:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  But if I rub the meat of your body, if I like, rub in there and get under the skin, it feels better.

• 19:46Speaker 03

  Feels better.

• 19:46Speaker 04

  That's good, right?

• 19:48Speaker 03

  So, so you're saying that within the vagina.

• 19:51Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 19:51Speaker 03

  Getting in, getting in.

• 19:53Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 19:53Speaker 03

  This is the key.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  And what the vagina wants is not just that, err, err, err, err, err, err. What it wants is you to go spelunking in there.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  In there.

• 20:03Speaker 04

  And it wants you not to do, and can I have that, um, the pearl three, the purple one?

• 20:07Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 20:07Speaker 04

  Um, what it wants you to do, and one of the reasons I really like this is that I have activated my vaginal cavern to a whole new level by stroking beyond the vaginal postal lining.

• 20:20Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 20:20Speaker 04

  Into my guts.

• 20:22Speaker 03

  You know what, Susan, this is a, this is a masterclass right here. That, that, that I wish, well, now, guys are going to know is, the key is not just a basic stroke, folks.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  No.

• 20:33Speaker 03

  The key is, is that you want to hit all the.

• 20:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, you want to hit that whole cavern, you want to activate the meat around the cavern.

• 20:41Speaker 03

  So you, you want to stroke all in here, you want to boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yep, hitting it all.

• 20:46Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 20:48Speaker 04

  Exactly, you want to get everywhere, you want to get that top part, you want to get the cervix, you want to get the deep spots, you want to get the bottom, you want to get the sides, the pedendral nerves, you, you know when your toes curl from orgasms?

• 20:59Speaker 03

  Yes, yes.

• 21:00Speaker 04

  That's the nerves running down to your feet. And so when you're getting turned on and your toes are curling from orgasms, it's actually that, those pedendral nerves that are getting activated. So there's tons of nerves in here, your vagal nerve comes down here, your pedendral nerve comes in here, and so you're getting nerves and tissue activated. And when you do that, what happens is, as you're, as you're getting in there and you're activating this all yourself, and then your partner's getting in there and activating it all, it all becomes massively more responsive. The tissue starts to engorge, it gets pillowy, it gets flush with blood.

• 21:42Speaker 04

  And not just the erectile tissue, but all that tissue. And when it does that, everything plumps up and has more surface area that feels better, and then your contractions, then it starts, you also start to get really good musculature, you get good pelvic musculature, the more you orgasm, the better your pelvic musculature, and then you're, the squeezing, that contraction becomes more intense. And so here you are now, you're staying in sensation.

• 22:12Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 22:13Speaker 04

  You're riding the waves, you're coming and coming and coming and coming, it feels good outside, it feels good inside, you, everything's just like, I mean, if I think about my vulva vaginal system.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 22:31Speaker 04

  In my twenties and thirties, when I was like, young and fresh and everything was active, and it cannot hold a candle to how lush and orgasmic my entire genital system is now.

• 22:43Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 22:43Speaker 04

  It is nuts how good everything feels.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  I believe it.

• 22:47Speaker 04

  Just from using tools of pleasure and using techniques.

• 22:53Speaker 03

  For couples who feel like they have maybe the script when it comes to sex. Cause I feel like there's like this standard menu, especially with heterosexual couples. It is typically the woman pleasures the man, gives him oral sex, which then turns into sex in a missionary position, which turns to him orgasming quickly and her not, and that's it, all done four minutes later.

• 23:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  Right? So, for couples that have been doing that.

• 23:28Speaker 04

  I wouldn't say most guys are getting blowjobs.

• 23:30Speaker 03

  Okay, oh, most, most are not?

• 23:32Speaker 04

  I'm glad you think they are, God love you.

• 23:34Speaker 03

  Oh my God.

• 23:34Speaker 04

  I don't think they are.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  Okay, but most are not?

• 23:36Speaker 04

  I think it's grab a boob and stick it in, I think it's like Hong Kong boom.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  Oh, that's, that's most.

• 23:40Speaker 04

  I think that's what most people think sex is intercourse, because sex was for procreation only, and so the only thing that's sex is what's gonna make a baby, even if you're not making a baby.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  Okay, so, so then that's it, so then couples that are in that.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Script.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  What, what, I hate to say quick tips, but, but what are some things that could be done to help break that cycle?

• 24:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:02Speaker 03

  Quickly?

• 24:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, yoni massage and linga massage.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  There you go.

• 24:05Speaker 04

  I mean, I really think just having her, having her learn how to completely receive is a practice in and of itself, if she's only ever had that kind of like quick penetrative sex, where it's like a, the doody booty kind of thing.

• 24:17Speaker 03

  All right, one more, this is for me, though, I have to ask, is aphrodisiacs.

• 24:21Speaker 04

  Yes, I love them. Oh my God, I love them.

• 24:24Speaker 03

  So, there is such a thing?

• 24:26Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  As an aphrodisiac.

• 24:28Speaker 04

  You know, human beings have been running around on this earth, eating things to make themselves horny since we crawled out of the slime, are you kidding me?

• 24:36Speaker 03

  Okay, what are they, what, what are some of that actual, that work?

• 24:39Speaker 04

  They're everywhere, you know, everything from, they're all over the world.

• 24:42Speaker 03

  What about, I often hear chocolate, oysters, wine.

• 24:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:46Speaker 03

  Are those?

• 24:47Speaker 04

  Well, chocolate is cacao.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  And that's, that actually is grown across the equator around the world. So cacao is, it has polyphenols that are great for blood flow, so you get better erectile function, you get your yoni bone are better, right? So, cacao is fantastic, chocolate's fantastic for you, what was the other one you said?

• 25:06Speaker 03

  Oysters.

• 25:06Speaker 04

  Oysters, that's zinc.

• 25:08Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 25:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, the zinc is helpful. And semen is also an aphrodisiac, so semen has over 20 things in it that are good for your partner. So one of the benefits of receiving seminal fluid as, as, as your lover is that I get serotonin, I get testosterone, which makes me hornier, so, you know how the more sex you have, the more you want?

• 25:36Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 25:36Speaker 04

  I think a big part of that is, is the testosterone, it gives you luteinizing hormone, which helps regulate your menstrual cycles.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 25:43Speaker 04

  As a woman, um, it has zinc in it, it has, um, spermidine and putrescine, you know how semen has a little funky smell?

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 25:52Speaker 04

  Let's hold putrescine.

• 25:55Speaker 04

  Spermidine and putrescine are polyamines that are actually supportive of nine of the 12 hallmarks of aging. Here we are, back to mitochondrial function again.

• 26:07Speaker 03

  Oh, look at that.

• 26:08Speaker 04

  It makes you live longer.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  Okay, so sperm.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  Makes you live longer, semen, sorry, I say semen.

• 26:17Speaker 04

  Yes, the sperm's in the semen, but it's a semen volume from your prostate, yes. And the more you ejaculate, the longer you live as well. So, uh, there are a lot of studies that show that, this is why we know that for every 10 years you stay sexually active, that you extend your sex span, you add two years of health span onto your life, roughly. Those are mostly men's studies, of course, because all the studies are men, but, I mean, literally, when I said there are 10,000 nerve endings in the clitoris, that's brand new data, we used to say eight, because it was a poor sign study, pig clit. So finally, we, and thanks to our trans folks, because we're doing nerve sparing, you know, genital restoration, and so we now know more about the nerves.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  Look at that.

• 27:01Speaker 04

  I know, but, um, yeah, the, the prostate itself is like, that's a gland and a muscle. It, it's a contractive muscle, there's oxytocin again.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 27:13Speaker 04

  Contracts and ejects, and what you're doing is you're bringing blood flow.

• 27:19Speaker 03

  Blood flow, yeah.

• 27:20Speaker 04

  Which brings healing factors, growth factors.

• 27:23Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 27:24Speaker 04

  Oxygenation, right? So all this blood flow, like, what, you could call this episode, Blood Flow Makes Good Sex.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Pretty much, this conversation has been much more informative. Than I was expecting.

• 27:42Speaker 04

  Oh, good.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  This was, this was academic.

• 27:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  But to the point where everyone can take something that was said, and not just like, make their sex life better, but make their life better, which I think is incre, which is so much more, which is important, is to know that we are all empowered to do that. And I think you're a reflection of someone who has said, you know what, I am going to take charge of my life, and I'm going to live it to the fullest.

• 28:13Speaker 04

  And the way I want.

• 28:14Speaker 03

  And the way you want.

• 28:15Speaker 04

  One hundred percent the way I want. One of the most important things to me is to be surrounded by people where I don't have to filter myself, like, I'm on my best behavior with you, of course, right?

• 28:24Speaker 03

  I can see, I can see you, because you walk to the line and then you come back.

• 28:27Speaker 04

  I do.

• 28:28Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 28:28Speaker 04

  I do, I, I don't trigger anybody, you know, but, uh, I really try not to, and I, and I'm in my compassionate heart, if I, if I have triggered anyone, I feel so, I'm sorry. But, um, uh, but I really love to be around people who play full out and say everything they're thinking and are their 100% authentic self, that's when life is so juicy. So when we let go of the shackles of our repressive culture, when we move into our desires fully, and we become exactly who we want to become, it is just so lovely, so delightful, so wonderful, and you'll find your people, your people will be like, bitch, I love you.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, and you're like, you definitely are, are my people, yeah.

• 29:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, you find your people.

• 29:14Speaker 03

  Yes, you do, and it is beautiful, you know, when you find your people, you have your village.

• 29:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:18Speaker 03

  You know, and you feel safe.

• 29:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  Because you could truly then just double down in your, on your authenticity.

• 29:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:24Speaker 03

  And if you want to hear the full, unfiltered stories from today's guest, you can check them out on the We Need to Talk page. Drop a like, leave a comment, and hit subscribe. See you next week.

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