Farrah Abraham: What Fame Did To Me After 16 & Pregnant

Farrah Abraham opens up about MTV’s 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, becoming pregnant at 16, and losing the father of her daughter while she was still carrying Sophia. Farrah revisits being pregnant as she stood at Derek’s casket, the last words they exchanged, and the grief that followed while millions watched her become one of reality TV’s most controversial stars. Farrah also reveals the reality behind Teen Mom, from the period she says she was living in her car while filming to the pressure of processing Derek’s death in the public eye. She reflects on fame, money, plastic surgery, her sex tape and why she now sees some of her most public decisions through the lens of depression, trauma and a desperate need to feel loved. Now, with Sophia approaching adulthood, Farrah reflects on therapy, breaking patterns from her own childhood and choosing a different relationship with her daughter. Raw, unpredictable and deeply personal, this is Farrah Abraham confronting the moments the world judged without knowing what was happening behind them. Farrah Abraham, We Need To Talk This episode includes discussion of mental health. If you’re struggling, remember you’re not alone. You can find help and resources at the links below: MIND: https://linkly.link/2dx8b Samaritans: https://linkly.link/2dx7Z CALM: https://linkly.link/2dx8H Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/needtotalk https://www.tiktok.com/@weneedtotalkpod Sign up to our newsletter https://linkly.link/2eXHX Follow Farrah here: https://www.instagram.com/farrahabraham https://www.tiktok.com/@farrahabraham (00:00) Intro (03:32) Farrah Abraham's Childhood and Upbringing in Iowa (04:40) Paul Shows Farrah a Childhood Photo With Her Parents (06:13) Farrah Opens Up About the Reality of Her Childhood (13:41) Paul Shows Farrah a Photo With Her Ex Derek (14:58) Farrah and Derek's Relationship Before 16 and Pregnant (20:26) The Last Time Farrah Saw Derek (25:22) How Farrah Found Out Derek Had Died (28:44) Farrah Opens Up About Derek's Funeral (32:04) Farrah's Experience Filming 16 and Pregnant (37:45) Huel Ad (39:07) Teen Mom and Farrah's Tumultuous Relationship With Producers (46:06) The Story Behind Farrah Abraham's Sex Tape (51:51) Why Farrah Was Fired From Teen Mom (54:51) Farrah Opens Up About Her Arrests (56:54) Farrah's Relationship With Her Parents Today (59:59) Farrah on Cosmetic Surgery and Body Dysmorphia (01:07:05) Has Farrah Been in Love Since Derek? (01:08:28) What Farrah Looks for in a Relationship (01:12:46) Farrah Reveals Her Best and Worst Dates (01:15:12) Paul Shows Farrah a Photo With Her Daughter Sophia (01:17:23) How Farrah Has Changed as a Mother (01:20:38) How Farrah Helps Sophia Navigate Growing Up in the Public Eye (01:25:48) Farrah Reads a Letter From Her Daughter Sophia (01:30:08) Why Farrah Abraham Is Running for Office in Texas (01:36:22) Most Memorable Conversation (01:42:04) Paul's Takeaways Huel - https://uk.huel.com/WNTT Try Huel Black Edition ramen , use code WNTT for £10 off Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:00Speaker 02

  Honey, that flu keeping you up?

• 1:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't got this.

• 1:03Speaker 02

  You need NyQuil Intense Flu.

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  Undo your flu symptoms with NyQuil Intense Flu. The nighttime sniffing, aching, aching fever best sleep with a flu medicine. You do got this. Uses directed, keep out of reach of children.

• 1:14Speaker 05

  I saw that you require men to sign an NDA and sometimes have a vasectomy.

• 1:19Speaker 06

  Did you ever get a vasectomy?

• 1:21Speaker 05

  Who me? No.

• 1:22Speaker 06

  Free ballin'. All right.

• 1:24Speaker 05

  Literally.

• 1:25Speaker 06

  Literally.

• 1:29Speaker 05

  So 16 and pregnant and teen mom.

• 1:31Speaker 06

  I got to the realest point in my life as I'm living in my car and going to school and also watching my kid.

• 1:36Speaker 05

  So Derek is the father of your child?

• 1:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, he just showed me a lot of love. And I think sometimes when you're so desperate, you need just a touch of love, but not go for [BLEEP] and [BLEEP]. Then I carved what I sadly reached out to.

• 1:51Speaker 05

  I remember you were in all the tabloids. You were arrested several times.

• 1:55Speaker 06

  Yeah, doing nothing.

• 1:57Speaker 05

  So what happened? Well, you got serious there.

• 2:00Speaker 06

  It's so surreal because even our immature fights, I used to be like, well, I will never be there if you die. And then when someone you love really dies, you're like, why did I say all those stupid, hurtful things?

• 2:13Speaker 05

  The day that Derek passed, how did you find out?

• 2:16Speaker 06

  It's gonna bring me to tears.

• 2:20Speaker 05

  I have a very important surprise for you. You ready?

• 2:24Speaker 06

  Oh, God, that made my whole year.

• 2:29Speaker 05

  All right, before we begin, hit Follow and tap the bell icon. It allows us to continue bringing you this show that we all love. We can go anywhere in the world. Right now, I'm in LA. And we'll bring you the most phenomenal guests. And the only thing it costs you is to hit Follow and tap the bell icon.

• 3:00Speaker 05

  If there's ever a topic that I start going down towards that you don't want to talk about, just say, "Paul, nope." And then we just move off of it.

• 3:08Speaker 06

  I'm pretty good with talking about it. I'm actually finishing my first Lifetime movie about myself right now. So my writing team is, Farrah, how do we feel? I started ketamine treatment up again because I was getting so real with my feelings and actually learning so much more about what I didn't know about then. And I just love how close of a best friend I am to myself, I guess, through all this stuff. So yeah, it's nice.

• 3:33Speaker 05

  I think that's so profound to even say how close of a best friend I am to myself.

• 3:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:38Speaker 05

  I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that.

• 3:39Speaker 06

  Oh, I feel like you really have to become friends with anxiety, become friends with your anger management, become friends with like, hey, I wasn't that smart then. But now I might have the words now. And this is really, well, that was really toxic. So now I know to choose better because I'm still single. I'm almost like I'm starting over and my daughter's gonna be 18. We're already looking at houses for her, bought her a car. Like, she's ready to go be her independent self. And I'm just like buying myself a convertible sports car this weekend for my birthday. And I'm just like...

• 4:12Speaker 05

  Are you serious?

• 4:13Speaker 06

  I am serious.

• 4:14Speaker 05

  Oh, what?

• 4:14Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, it's on the showroom floor waiting for this bitch to come pick it up.

• 4:18Speaker 05

  Oh, really? What are you buying for yourself?

• 4:20Speaker 06

  So it's an AMG. I think it's AMG 63 convertible, but it has a red top, all black, sick wheels, black interior. Just, yeah, had to outdo my daughter's car. But yeah.

• 4:32Speaker 05

  All right, I'm not mad at that. I'm not mad at that. All right, so now, can we go all the way back?

• 4:37Speaker 06

  Uh huh.

• 4:38Speaker 05

  Okay, so where were you born?

• 4:41Speaker 06

  I was born in Council Bluffs, Iowa, Omaha, Nebraska, right in the middle of America. That's the heartland of America. When you think of presidential elections and their tours, they start in Iowa. And I loved it. It was so calm. It was so peaceful. And I think I really needed that peace growing up. Some people despise it. And they're like, oh, I was so far from everything. But that really has made me famous, actually. That's where my TV show started.

• 5:13Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 5:13Speaker 06

  And I love that. I love it.

• 5:15Speaker 05

  Yes, wow. Okay, so now, throughout this conversation, there'll be a few surprises that I have.

• 5:20Speaker 06

  Oh, wow. What kind of surprises?

• 5:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, but these are...

• 5:23Speaker 06

  Should I grab my mace? Do not surprise me.

• 5:26Speaker 05

  No, no, you know, it's interesting. I find that interesting that when I say surprise, you immediately thought negative surprise.

• 5:32Speaker 06

  Oh, something to work on in ketamine treatment.

• 5:35Speaker 05

  There you go. There you go. So that's not what this is about.

• 5:37Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 5:38Speaker 05

  These are positive surprises.

• 5:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:39Speaker 05

  All right, so here's the first one.

• 5:41Speaker 06

  Woo, I love a good surprise. Surprise! I love it.

• 5:46Speaker 05

  All right, so first is this photo.

• 5:48Speaker 06

  Oh, my God. Yes.

• 5:51Speaker 05

  So if you could first tell us, who is in this photo? What's happening?

• 5:56Speaker 06

  Oh, my goodness. I think I'm like two. I just got my ears pierced. I remember that. This is my mom. This is my dad. And we are in Iowa. And it is hot. It is hot. I'm wondering if it's around May. It was very humid around May for me. I don't know. I look a little sweaty. We all do.

• 6:16Speaker 05

  Yeah, so now, when you look at that photo, what would you describe the love in that family to feel like?

• 6:26Speaker 06

  Man, that's a loaded question for me because love,

• 6:36Speaker 06

  what I know love to be today as I created it for my family is a different love here. Oh, I don't like to talk shit about my family and love, but definitely in a confusing family dynamic. My parents really were not connected. I was over at my grandparents most of the time. And I, you know, I don't know what to say on the real to you about this when it comes to love.

• 7:07Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 7:07Speaker 06

  But...

• 7:08Speaker 05

  So then, Farrah, if I can ask, and I'll hold on to these photos.

• 7:12Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 7:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:14Speaker 06

  I'm gonna hold on. You're gonna take my surprise. Indian giver!

• 7:19Speaker 05

  No, no, no. I will give it back to you again. I'll give it back to you.

• 7:23Speaker 06

  Love is a loaded question as I've grown up.

• 7:26Speaker 05

  Interesting. So then, how would you describe what family felt like at a young age for you?

• 7:36Speaker 06

  Performative.

• 7:37Speaker 05

  Hmm, okay.

• 7:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think I definitely beat that horse to death on that one. What is this love that I thought was love? What is this love that doesn't feel like it lasts? And I didn't want to be a performative, loving mom for my daughter.

• 7:58Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 7:59Speaker 06

  And I don't want to be a performative, loving spouse, future wife, to any man that I date or I meet.

• 8:07Speaker 05

  Okay, all right. I hear that. I hear that. So who in the family was performing?

• 8:14Speaker 06

  I felt like my mom in a lot of ways.

• 8:19Speaker 06

  And it's really sad to look back on it.

• 8:23Speaker 05

  Okay, so she was performing. So do you feel as if your mother loved you?

• 8:34Speaker 06

  I think she tried. And I think she does, right? That is her own opinion. That is her own world. That is how she would answer it. And she's, you know, time and time again said that she has, but it doesn't hit. It doesn't align.

• 8:48Speaker 05

  You know what I love so much now about where you are in your life is that you're a mom. You've gone through therapy. You've gone through life. And so now, when you reflect back, there's a lot more awareness that you have.

• 9:01Speaker 06

  Thank God.

• 9:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, in terms of what was happening. So I know your mother has her story.

• 9:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:08Speaker 05

  Your father, his.

• 9:10Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:11Speaker 05

  But in the house, did you, Farrah, did you feel love?

• 9:19Speaker 06

  I think I was creating love. I think like the very first celebration of a little bit of me and enjoyment came when I finally got like a radio and TV and had my own room and I would just be enamored by that stuff.

• 9:33Speaker 05

  Okay, so that's so what was it about TV and and radio that?

• 9:39Speaker 06

  God, I don't know. I just remember watching like Frasier, MASH, some other comedy stuff, family stuff, and I think I was watching other families. I guess that's the dynamic then, like even Will and Grace, like everybody's having like family or friendship circles and I was yearning for some of that. And so I would watch it because I wasn't getting it from my family.

• 10:03Speaker 05

  Yes. You know, so there's something that a lot of children go through is it's called disassociation, right? It's when there's so much turmoil happening in the household that because you can't physically remove yourself, then just you remove yourself mentally.

• 10:18Speaker 06

  I do that very well. Yeah.

• 10:19Speaker 05

  So you feel like you were doing that at a young age?

• 10:23Speaker 06

  I feel like even now in work, sometimes I'll do it.

• 10:25Speaker 05

  Really?

• 10:25Speaker 06

  Like I will disassociate. So I've just really tried to put my foot down and be like, I'm not gonna work like this. I'm not gonna try to escape from that. And I'm also not trying to make trauma bonds anymore and just let them go for 20 years. But I think, yes, escapism, I think a lot of us have to work on not doing.

• 10:44Speaker 05

  Okay, so you're saying so you were doing this, though?

• 10:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 10:47Speaker 05

  As a child?

• 10:48Speaker 06

  For sure.

• 10:49Speaker 05

  What was the relationship like with your father?

• 10:53Speaker 06

  I think I really yearned to just have a relationship with my dad. My mom would never allow us to hang out or be around my dad without her. They were both traveling salespeople, so they were always traveling and always running around. I was a lot at my grandparents' house. My sister had another dad, and I wasn't fully aware of this because no one talked about it. And I know we look cold. I know we look totally different, like, you know, as opposite colors and opposite spectrums and opposite, but I really just like tried to look at everyone as we are a unit. And like, that's it. And then my sister started like making fun of me like, I don't know, she would just say like culturally culturally

• 11:36Speaker 06

  like uneducated things like dot on your head, or like if I wrap my head in a towel. I don't know, she would like say Taliban or terroristy things. It was just like silly stuff, but it kind of would hurt my feelings. But we just, I thought everyone was a family, but as I grew up, I just was like, well, we're really not a family and we really are different. So it was really rough. It was a little rough. And that's like the thing I can't really, you know, speak for everyone on is I don't know if that hurt the togetherness of how great the family dynamic could have been. It's just not trying to make myself sad or feel sorry for myself, but like,

• 12:24Speaker 06

  it's just sometimes, you know, my family, like my family members would bring up if I looked more like my dad. If I was, you know, darker or, you know, whatever. So it's just like, I feel like I'm like you guys, but then I'm definitely not. And that's totally cool. I loved who I was too, but it's hard trying to fit in everywhere.

• 12:50Speaker 05

  I appreciate you sharing that.

• 12:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 12:52Speaker 05

  Because I

• 12:53Speaker 06

  It's just part of my life. It's kind of sad.

• 12:56Speaker 05

  You know what? I understand the trauma that it brought you, but I also see how you celebrate today who you are.

• 13:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:06Speaker 05

  Right? And you lean into it. So just so I know in terms of heritage is, what was the ethnicity and race of your father?

• 13:15Speaker 06

  Yes. So the ethnicity and race of my dad and his side of the family is Syrian. So that's the Middle Eastern that people see and also Italian if I'm thinking of what he says to me properly.

• 13:27Speaker 05

  And I think for anyone who's unaware of where you grew up is that I would imagine that the percentage of Syrians where you grew up was very low.

• 13:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, super low.

• 13:39Speaker 05

  Almost nonexistent.

• 13:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:41Speaker 06

  Any culture I did find, I gravitated to it, though.

• 13:43Speaker 05

  Yes, yes. Yeah. But I think it's important to paint that picture.

• 13:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:48Speaker 05

  Of how maybe visually different you even felt being, growing up in that area.

• 13:55Speaker 06

  Yeah. And not to say that others were just super uneducated, like, you know, I'm sure their parents did the best that they could, but everyone would always think I'm Hispanic because that's the only thing that they knew. And I think a lot of areas where we live in now and also where I was raised, they really don't know a lot of different cultures around our world. It's not just, you know, you're Hispanic, you're black, you're white, you're this. I'm just always like, it's just so crazy to me on these like race forms that there's just not everyone listed, unless you go to the OBGYN ladies. And then there are totally like every nationality of Indian, every, because they really want to know the women who they're helping. But I think a lot of people just don't really get that culture that they need.

• 14:40Speaker 05

  Okay, fair.

• 14:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:42Speaker 05

  So this now really helps me understand you so much more. Can I show you another?

• 14:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:47Speaker 05

  Photo?

• 14:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 14:48Speaker 05

  All right, you ready for this?

• 14:49Speaker 06

  I love these surprises.

• 14:50Speaker 05

  Okay, so I want you to tell me who's in this photo.

• 14:54Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 14:55Speaker 05

  What is happening? But also, I want to know the feeling of seeing this photo. Okay, ready?

• 15:09Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 15:11Speaker 06

  There is Derek, Sophia's dad, and I in this photo. We were having some friends leave at an after party. Derek and I were partying together. Thank God. And how do I feel about this? I would say I just feel love. I feel good. He was my safe space. So it was good.

• 15:36Speaker 05

  Okay. And who is Derek?

• 15:40Speaker 06

  Derek is Sophia's dad. Baby daddy, y'all. Baby daddy.

• 15:44Speaker 05

  Baby daddy. All right.

• 15:45Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:45Speaker 05

  Okay, so if you can, I'll hold on to that one for you.

• 15:49Speaker 06

  Yeah, I love looking at it.

• 15:50Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah. You guys look good.

• 15:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 15:54Speaker 05

  You guys look really good. So if you can, tell me about

• 15:57Speaker 06

  Shout out to my old nose. Didn't realize it there, but it's there.

• 16:00Speaker 05

  Look, your old nose is in there.

• 16:02Speaker 06

  My old nose is there.

• 16:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:03Speaker 06

  It's funny, when you have so much love around you at certain times in your life, you never think of like a bump on your nose. But then when you go to another depressed state of your life, you're like, I want to fix everything about myself.

• 16:16Speaker 05

  Well said.

• 16:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 16:17Speaker 05

  Well said. So during that time, you weren't thinking about any bump on your nose?

• 16:21Speaker 06

  No, I really loved my body more because of Derek, because of everything that he would just give praise to. It was just like, he just spit it off the cuff, like wouldn't even know who was gonna bring it up. He just showed me and my body a lot of love and he showed me a lot of things in the term of our relationship and really even stopping me with my physical, like I would get upset at him and I would kind of act out like my mom or my dad that I saw growing up when they would kind of get physical. And he just like bear hugged me and was like, I don't think we want to be like our moms or our family. Like, we're

• 17:05Speaker 06

  not gonna do that. And that stuck with me till this day. This is how I've raised my child that we had together. And it just has really helped me, like heal.

• 17:13Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 17:13Speaker 06

  And love myself. Try to find love again. I feel like sometimes I can just fall out of love with myself or things. And I just, he really brings love into my, in my memory.

• 17:23Speaker 05

  Yes, yeah. I mean, he, without question, was, his time with you, one of the most important periods of your life.

• 17:32Speaker 06

  It was. And even though it was brief, you know, people always are like putting a shot clock on how much time I spent with someone. And I don't know, if you're just a really good person and you show someone how to love themselves and love others more, I don't think they're ever gonna forget that.

• 17:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. So Derek, you and Derek, was that the first person you fell in love with?

• 17:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, it was. And he had, he told me he loved me first. And I really kept my little bits in until I was like, I need to just say how I feel. And like, I cannot be immature. I mean, he would always write me letters of how mature I was and why he liked me. And I owed that to him to also, you know, share with him how I really feel. Otherwise, I probably would have backed away and ran in a hole because I was too scared to go to love territory.

• 18:26Speaker 05

  Sure, sure. But eventually, you did.

• 18:28Speaker 06

  I did.

• 18:29Speaker 05

  You did.

• 18:30Speaker 06

  And it was scary. And I think it got even more scary, especially when I lost him. So

• 18:36Speaker 05

  Yeah. So for you to say, I love you at that time, you were how old?

• 18:42Speaker 06

  Oh, my gosh. Was it, I think we were actually, I was 16. I think he was definitely after I just had turned 16.

• 18:50Speaker 05

  Okay, so you turned 16.

• 18:53Speaker 06

  And he told me he wanted to take a break for the summer after I just lost my virginity to him. After being raised in a household that was like, we wait till we have sex till we are married. And there is just a lot of learning how to keep your value, how to keep your integrity, how to keep your worth. Someone brings in love, but then they're withdrawing it? What is going on? That was a very big lesson to learn with one person.

• 19:26Speaker 05

  Yes, yes. So that is something that I didn't realize. So you lost your virginity. So the first time?

• 19:34Speaker 06

  Prom.

• 19:36Speaker 05

  Prom?

• 19:37Speaker 06

  I blame public school proms.

• 19:39Speaker 05

  Proms. And I will say this, I know that sometimes people have an issue with that phrase, losing your virginity. So

• 19:47Speaker 06

  Oh, I don't know.

• 19:48Speaker 05

  Yeah. So your first time having sex was with Derek at prom?

• 19:54Speaker 06

  Yeah. And it was a sign of nature, guys. Like, I was not planning on being stuck in my house, having sex with him. Literally, the end of our prom got canceled, like hurricane warnings, flood warnings. And yeah, then he was stuck in my house. And then two teenagers who like each other a lot are stuck together. What the fuck are we gonna do? Like, this is what I'm saying. Public school, hormones, real life, real science, real people.

• 20:24Speaker 05

  So then, how did your parents then react to you and Derek being together?

• 20:33Speaker 06

  Hmm. My grandparents were very silent on it, which was weird because I was always over there. But my mom, I think, just had one conversation with Derek before prom. I mean, in total, she wasn't really conversating with him while we were dating. And it felt very much like we gravitated towards one another because we had mother issues. But his mom did end up suing my dad in high school, and that's really-

• 21:01Speaker 05

  Derek's mother sued your-

• 21:04Speaker 06

  Sued my dad in high school because Derek, we were caught having sex. But my dad didn't know what the hell was going on. And it was like 2:00 AM in the morning. And so my dad hit whoever he thought was on his daughter. And I get it. And he shouldn't have been sneaking in and getting me to lie all the time for him.

• 21:28Speaker 06

  So yeah, that's, that's really why I wasn't talking to him when he passed away in a car accident.

• 21:33Speaker 05

  Okay, now this makes sense. But when was the last time you saw Derek?

• 21:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, the last time I saw Derek, he snuck in my house again. Said he was gonna pick up all of my stuff since we're not talking anymore.

• 21:50Speaker 06

  As he's sneaking in, obviously, we start having sex again. And I am five months pregnant.

• 21:57Speaker 05

  Okay, did you know this?

• 21:59Speaker 06

  I definitely knew this. I did give Derek the opportunity, and I told him exactly when I missed my period at cheer camp. He said he was gonna take me. He ended up not taking me. Called him multiple times at Planned Parenthood when I found out that I was before it, during it, and after it. And he didn't pick up my calls any of the times. And yes, I lost my fucking shit in Planned Parenthood blaming a nurse for our systemic, I guess, like, getting pregnant as a teen and just learning, like, contraceptive will fail me. I was on birth control the whole time.

• 22:37Speaker 05

  Were you, okay.

• 22:37Speaker 06

  And it was just like, what is this world that I'm living in? And the man who was supposed to love me doesn't pick up. He's not there for me. Our parents are, like, fighting. It was just like, could my life get any worse? And then it did. It just kept getting really bad.

• 22:56Speaker 05

  This is, this is, there's so much going on here.

• 22:58Speaker 06

  It's like, how can, how much can one person take? I think I've exacerbated the limits.

• 23:03Speaker 05

  Yes, yes. And, and so in that last moment, though,

• 23:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 05

  Do you remember the last words that you exchanged? And then also-

• 23:12Speaker 06

  Oh, that's sad.

• 23:14Speaker 05

  What, what were they?

• 23:16Speaker 06

  So, all of a sudden, like, we're having sex one second, and it goes to my dad with a knife. Derek has a knife. In two seconds, guys. This is like two seconds. And I'm like, should I call 911? And then Derek's already on the phone with 911. My dad's calling 911 on his phone. Then the cops are at our house. And the last things that I am told to say to Derek, to him, at the front porch of our houses, and promise a police officer, we will no longer engage, talk, and tell, and after court is settled.

• 23:53Speaker 06

  And then someone stole my phone, like, the next week at school when I was in PE and in gym. And then my mom's like, well, you can borrow my phone, but you can't call Derek. He cannot, you know? So communication was zapped. And it was just like signs of nature. Like, these things are just, break me farther and farther away from someone I really just wanted to talk to, but it just wasn't gonna happen then.

• 24:17Speaker 05

  Was, did, in that moment, though, that the last time you saw Derek, did he know that you were carrying his child?

• 24:26Speaker 06

  Oh, he definitely saw that I was pregnant. And why would I be fucking him if it wasn't his kid? No, I just, but I, he didn't, he actually never pressed the issue there.

• 24:36Speaker 05

  So he never acknowledged it?

• 24:38Speaker 06

  No. All of the acting like everybody else and gossip and drama and immature went away. We're then together, and it's just like, I don't know. We just like love each other, and we're there, and we are just there. And then my dad shows up and fucking goes ballistic. But he didn't ask any of those questions then.

• 24:58Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 24:58Speaker 06

  You know, after I had my daughter, I went to go see his dad. Grandpa Jerry, shout out. And he always says vividly, Farrah, he came down. And so he had to drive like three hours out of his way to go see his dad because his dad lived in a different state and where he is buried to this day. But he drove down, and he was adamant. He swore up and down that he knew it was his, his child. And he said, even if it wasn't his, he would be there for you. And I was just like, I think like that's what we innately knew, being together. But I just, again, I was, I didn't want to keep bringing how upset I was

• 25:44Speaker 06

  that he didn't pick up the call, that he didn't take me. I also didn't want to bring up making anyone be with me. Like, that's just not the girl I want to be. So it's just like, I let it go.

• 25:59Speaker 05

  So, so in, in that moment, Farrah, who's holding space for you?

• 26:04Speaker 06

  No one could hold space for me seriously at that time. And I don't even think my grandparents, who would sometimes try to be there. I think they were struggling with other issues with my sister. I think a lot, it was just a lot of stress for unknown reasons at that time, and I totally get that. It's hard. I mean, look, I have almost an 18-year-old now, and it's hard. There's just weird things that keep popping up during these ages as you are a parent at that stage. So I get it.

• 26:30Speaker 05

  Sure. The, the day that Derek passed, when you found out, how, how did you find out?

• 26:40Speaker 06

  Yes, I found out because I ignored my phone when I should have picked it up earlier. And then I woke up. My mom wanted me to sleep in bed with her that night. So I go down to her room, and I'm sleeping in her room. And, and I'm happy she did. But then when I wake up to, you know, sneak, call my friend back because my mom went up to go cook breakfast so I could get some teen time or, you know, my teen friend time. Because it could have been about Derek. And I know my mom doesn't want to have me talk about that or think about that. So I go and I call Katie back. And Katie just, all she can reiterate is what she was probably trying to get to me was, Derek died in a car crash last night.

• 27:26Speaker 06

  Like, that's it. Like, that's Katie, that's it. And she's just holding space for me on the phone.

• 27:35Speaker 06

  And I think like my best friends were kind of like, really taken away from me when I needed probably people to hold space for me because my mom was like, no, no, no. Like, it's like you're five years old again, and you're not allowed to have any friends. And that's just kind of what my parents were like. So it was really hard.

• 27:57Speaker 06

  And Katie was really trying to be there. I clearly didn't know how to feel. I just was like, not even wanting to admit it. And I always will remember Brianna and Katie for doing what my parents should have done, doing what if anyone cared about me should have done. It wasn't a camera crew. The camera crew didn't want me to go. It was just like them doing the right thing. And I, and to this day, I couldn't imagine living my life without going to Derek's visitation, seeing him in his casket and having closure. Because I really struggled with closure for like years after.

• 28:38Speaker 05

  Yes, yes. You know, you said, so you went to the visitation, so you were able to see him.

• 28:45Speaker 05

  That's a moment I've gone through in my life where loved ones have passed. It's an incredibly hard moment.

• 28:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:53Speaker 05

  I've done that as an adult.

• 28:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 28:55Speaker 05

  I've never had to do that as a 16-year-old.

• 28:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 29:00Speaker 05

  Who, that's the, the father of the child that you're, you're carrying.

• 29:03Speaker 06

  I mean, when it's pregnant, standing right there, looking at him. And I'm just looking at his hair being blonde and being like, hmm, were you having your crazy nights again? Like, I thought he was gonna literally open his eyes up. It's crazy.

• 29:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:19Speaker 06

  It's so crazy. It is so surreal. Because even like our immature fights, and I used to be like, well, I will never be there if you die because I was so immature and young. And I had no concept of death or life or anything. And then when someone you love really dies, you're like, why did I say all those stupid, immature, hurtful things, trying to be cared about and loved? And I'll show up no matter what. No matter if everybody else doesn't want me to show up, I will show up. And then all of the sudden, as I'm just trying to take like, like my last bell jar, I call it bell jar, I'm with like the person who you love, the person who you make a safe place, safe space with.

• 30:03Speaker 06

  But that's like the last time.

• 30:09Speaker 06

  It's interrupted by Derek's older sister, who demanded to know if that was his child. Block the casket. She shouldn't be here. All this to her stepdad. And I don't know where his dad was. I don't know where a lot of his family was. I'm sure it's been a long, a long hours, a lot. It affected the whole community. It wasn't just Derek who died. It was also another friend and another person was in there. The stepdad saying to be quiet, stop, da, da, da. So I sat for a second with Katie and Brianna, and they were just like, this is ridiculous. Like, you shouldn't even be around this. Like, we're so sorry. We're happy that you got your time.

• 30:51Speaker 06

  And I got, you know, one of the books from the visitation. It was insane. And she never told anyone in her family that she behaved like that.

• 30:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, look at that. So you had to leave.

• 31:01Speaker 06

  So I did leave.

• 31:02Speaker 05

  What a story. You know, especially given everything that's happening to you. What actually surprises me the most are your two friends. You said Kelly and?

• 31:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, Katie and Brianna.

• 31:15Speaker 05

  Katie and Brianna. They, oh my gosh, they're the MVPs of this.

• 31:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, they were like God's little angels. I love them.

• 31:23Speaker 05

  So in that time, Farah, that level of grief that you were going through, what was your biggest learning?

• 31:30Speaker 06

  I think like maybe what I went through was, I call it like a widower narcissism. And I know that sounds almost bad because it has the word narcissism in it. But you have to understand, I really had to figure out, I had to give myself a quest to figure out why I cannot stop being a certain way about loss that I didn't have in ways with other losses.

• 31:59Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 31:59Speaker 06

  Like, you could have healthy loss, but then you get crazy brain and you got destructive loss. Like, you got a loss, like, are you gonna come back for this? Or are you gonna freeze at a moment in history and never move on from it? And I also just didn't want to, you know, hate the world when I go outside because I see a new bridge is built. They tore down our old school. You know, all these new things and the world's gonna keep changing, but I would hate it. And I would hate if I like saw another man who reminded me of him and a girl was like holding their hand. Like, I'll tell you how crazy shit got, okay? And it was not fun. And God, my heart goes out to every man and woman

• 32:42Speaker 06

  who deal with like a widower narcissism grief. Because it's just a wild hair that's just always going. But I never got that with so many other loss. I've had so many people die around me. So uncontrollable crying was happening. I was getting kicked out of college classes. I couldn't handle any other stress. Like, it was a very miserable place. And I was also put on suicide watch. I had to start a bunch of medication.

• 33:11Speaker 05

  My goodness.

• 33:12Speaker 06

  It's just not fun. So I challenged myself to get up and out of that.

• 33:17Speaker 05

  I see it. I see it.

• 33:18Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:18Speaker 05

  So at this time, you are shooting a TV show.

• 33:22Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:23Speaker 05

  Right? So this is 16 and pregnant.

• 33:27Speaker 06

  16 and pregnant.

• 33:28Speaker 05

  Okay, this is, what year, this is, what year is this?

• 33:32Speaker 06

  2009, if you remember it. Like MySpace, probably gonna get into Facebook.

• 33:37Speaker 05

  Okay, so this is, so this is, reality TV has been doing its thing for a little while. However, this is a different concept, 16 and pregnant. MTV, you've got a major channel there.

• 33:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 33:50Speaker 05

  So with the concept, what I'm curious about is already you being pregnant, how did your parents respond to that?

• 33:58Speaker 06

  Oh, well, I told my mom in her office. I had to present this sheet that said I was only like a couple of weeks and I only had to like the seventh week to fill out this sheet to get the Plan B. So I needed someone who was 18 to say yes to that, which was my mom. And then I'm like, no, I don't even, I don't even think I say I'm pregnant. I'm just like, I have this sheet. I need you to sign this. She gets very quiet because I think she had to put like what the form was for why I'm busy in my office is quiet. And then starts crying.

• 34:39Speaker 05

  Oh, wow, she?

• 34:39Speaker 06

  And then she says, I'm not going to kill anything, Farah. And that's my mom. So it was like, what has my mom's experiences been, for one? How really heavy of this situation is this that I'm unaware of? Because I'm in like survival mode, like, just sign this so I can survive. Because my mom raised me to feel like, and she would, you know, talk negatively towards young teens and like pregnancy and stuff. Like, if you do that, you're out of the house. I can't believe that. There's always a lot of negative, negative. So I thought I was gonna get kicked out of my house, so I was trying to find the solution.

• 35:22Speaker 05

  I see it. I see it. I see it. I see it. So then, when the show comes about, how did your parents react to you saying you wanted to do this show, 16?

• 35:32Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, crazy, right? So we're not signing a sheet of paper, no Plan B, everyone. Ms. Karina does, you know, she sends you those things. Ends up, everything goes through with the casting. They want to now talk to my parents. And I basically, and they sent me the contracts to get, to get to know us and to get started and to maybe come out and film the next little steps. And I was like, you are going to sign this. I think very much from that Plan B not being signed, that I'm like, I'm not really giving you any more of a yes, no, because I gotta, I have to like try to drive the car of my life. And I like, don't know where I'm going. And I need some freaking help.

• 36:16Speaker 06

  So this is when I knew innately I wanted them to sign was to the show. So I was just like, you are signing this. I am doing this show.

• 36:23Speaker 05

  Okay, now what was?

• 36:25Speaker 06

  Like, how am I gonna make it?

• 36:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, you're messing around. So what was your expectation of what was going to happen? Like, were you thinking you're going to make some money? You'd get some visibility?

• 36:37Speaker 06

  No, but that's not what I thought.

• 36:38Speaker 05

  What did you think?

• 36:39Speaker 06

  And a lot of people do just get to those points. But I really was like, they're gonna give someone an opportunity to actually make it. As a teen mom, you're gonna make it. Like, you're gonna get through this. Like, you are going to be a great parent. They're actually gonna give someone that opportunity. And I know like when I say that, it might sound so small. But really, when you like look back at everyone from the show, they didn't make it out okay. They didn't, they don't have a good relationship that I have with my daughter. And so I think like my promise and my hope and my fantasy was I get to have a good relationship with my child.

• 37:24Speaker 05

  Okay, but how so? How did you think this show was going to give you that opportunity?

• 37:28Speaker 06

  I just knew like I was, this is me making it. So like, keep in mind, I don't know anything about television and I don't know anything about what's going on. But I'm like, I get to show how to overcome every obstacle.

• 37:45Speaker 05

  I see it.

• 37:46Speaker 06

  Because, oh, one of the questions, maybe this is why I had this grandiose thought, was what can people learn from watching you? And I answered that on our own. And by the way, it was very interesting. I was like, oh my God. Like, when I got to watch back and see when they publicize our casting tapes, all the casting tapes, sorry, am I like, oh, it's just all these memories in my head. When I see Amber, Macy, Kaitlyn, they're all saying the same thing as I said. And I'm like, what kind of deja vu, trickery? What? But none of us knew each other. No one knew what, about anything until it was like released in 2000,

• 38:29Speaker 06

  what was it, 2009 or something, the show later on that year? But that's the crazier thing. We all set out thinking like we were going to show how we overcome all the challenges of parenting. But for some reason in my head, that meant I have the opportunity to be the greatest parent and they're gonna make a will and a way so that I can be this.

• 38:49Speaker 05

  I see it. I see it.

• 38:51Speaker 06

  So I don't know. I latched on to that belief and I got in alignment with that and I had a little promise there.

• 38:56Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 38:58Speaker 05

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• 41:07Speaker 06

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• 41:37Speaker 05

  What I find so interesting is that that show, Sixteen and Pregnant, then lent itself to another show.

• 41:44Speaker 06

  Teen Mom franchise, like, who would've guessed?

• 41:47Speaker 05

  The Teen Mom franchise.

• 41:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 41:48Speaker 05

  And just to speak to, I'm sure you know how big the show was.

• 41:52Speaker 06

  Sixteen and Pregnant and Teen Mom had more views than the Winter Olympics. They beat Jersey Shore. Like, it was the biggest and most popular thing. This was a ginormous show. No matter how much I went to bat, I was always difficult. I was always, like, it was always, you know, fair is a problem. And I think, looking back, everything that I did to protect myself from not calling them, like, a family, to me, I think that was my gut protecting myself.

• 42:23Speaker 05

  Are you open to disclosing what those payment bumps were? Because I think, you know, this is also a time, it's interesting, we had Spencer Pratt on, and he was giving us a breakdown of how much he and Heidi were making.

• 42:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:40Speaker 05

  But how it basically started from nothing, but even at the heyday, it was still a lot less.

• 42:47Speaker 06

  Oh, it was still nothing in my eyes, and I knew the truth. I knew the truth. I would go, um, God, there was someone I was dating who was working with Ryan Seacrest. Ryan Seacrest would just start telling me, like, Farrah, you need to fight. Because I am seeing these ratings. Why would I have you on my radio show if you weren't doing well? And I'm like, I don't know, you just wanted to talk? No. So, like, Ryan really got me to pipe up. A lot of people got me to pipe up. And they also looked at me like I could be so much more if I knew what I had to work with. And I just, I think I, like, got to the realest point in my life, guys, where, like,

• 43:28Speaker 06

  I couldn't get any realer because I'm living in my car, not sleeping for two days because I'm working, going to school, watching my kid.

• 43:35Speaker 05

  You were living, so you were living in your car.

• 43:37Speaker 06

  I did.

• 43:38Speaker 05

  While you're filming this hit show.

• 43:40Speaker 06

  I think three of the female producers who came out that time, they knew how horrific everything was. It wasn't a joke. They said, we are not, we are going to call them, and we are going to demand that you are paid right now. This is crazy that you're living like this.

• 43:55Speaker 05

  Yes. So, and I'm curious, too. I can't believe you were living in a car, working all these jobs. What was the most, what did you finally get to in terms of, uh, payment?

• 44:06Speaker 06

  Oh, sorry. I am so sorry with my ADHD. Yeah, when did you actually get money?

• 44:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, dude, like, did you make anything?

• 44:13Speaker 06

  How did you make it? Um, yeah, I just ran in circles, did charity work. I just did charity work. Uh, so it was only thirty-five hundred from that first one, and then I think I only got twenty-five thousand from Teen Mom. Then I had Caitlin and Tyler call me. This is when I was, like, so depressed that I was, like, I would need a boob job to make me feel better. So, we were doing this scene that's on Teen Mom, that's like, oh, I think I want to have a boob job. They ask, they say they're making ten thousand an episode. And again, I'm only making, like, twenty-five thousand in total, and I hear what they tell me.

• 44:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're making ten thousand an episode.

• 45:00Speaker 06

  And I get so upset after, like, they just made me do a scene, like, talking me out of getting a boob job or whatever, that I feel that I need. Um, and I'm like, okay, for one, they don't have their kid. I do. I'm doing this on my fucking own, against all odds, literally. Like, who's really supporting me? No one. That I then make up and I say, oh, yeah, I'm actually making fifteen thousand an episode, because I was so hurt.

• 45:31Speaker 05

  So you just made it up?

• 45:32Speaker 06

  I just made it up out of spite, out of anger, and I was like, oh, well, I'm sorry that you're making less money than me, da-da-da-da-da. So nothing was fair. And I don't know if it would ever be fair, but they then switched it one season, I think it was season three, because it was doing amazing. They switched it to say, oh, well, we're actually not getting a new season. We're just going to extend season three. We're going to keep extending it. Every time that I am sitting with fans and supporting this show, and I'm watching, you know, season four, season five, season whatever.

• 46:05Speaker 05

  Right.

• 46:05Speaker 06

  Because I'm like, I'm just stuck under this contract. That's really how I lost so much money. Um, I just couldn't stand sitting there anymore, sacrificing my child's life. But I, I hope to, like, create my daughter's own shows. I hope that we get to do, like, something in true crime, or, like, she likes goth and I like law. And so I hope, like, there's this whole new thing that keeps coming up, you know?

• 46:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure there will be. I'm sure there will be. But even, when you think about the, the good times, right? I mean, this was an, Sixteen and Pregnant and Teen Mom, it's an international franchise. What was, what were the good times, like, in, in that franchise? What, what did that give you?

• 46:48Speaker 06

  Man, the good times, I feel like I only made them. Like, I was trying against all odds to have good times. Like, literally, I think I'm the only Teen Mom who, like, did huge club tours, huge nightclubs, like, you name it. I'm like, I'm going for it, and I'm traveling, and I would argue with the producers of Teen Mom on my front line. I'd be like, I am going to go do Celebrity Big Brother. I am going to go do this other show. Like, I fought for those really fun times, and I still fight for those really fun times because I want to have fun with people who I work with.

• 47:22Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 47:22Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:23Speaker 05

  All right, yeah, yeah, because you're very visible. Do, do you feel like you're the most popular person from that franchise?

• 47:30Speaker 06

  Look, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to, like, say I am, but I probably am.

• 47:34Speaker 05

  Fair. This is fair.

• 47:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:36Speaker 05

  So, so now, you just mentioned, though, that you had to go out and find other sources of income.

• 47:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:44Speaker 05

  And, and this, this is a place where I'd love for you to give some clarity, because is this where the, there was a lawsuit that came about because, I believe, they thought that you were getting into adult entertainment?

• 47:58Speaker 06

  But why did you hire me back when you knew I was dealing with that?

• 48:03Speaker 05

  Okay, so, so.

• 48:04Speaker 06

  And that's a weird thing. Every time they'd fire me, I'd get hired on another, like, MTV, X on the Beach. Like, I'd get hired on another MTV show, but they would continue to fire me on the Teen Mom show. And so, like, I had a little fun. I took some time off. Um, I got a manager. Um, and she was just like, you were so popu, like, you know, everyone knew because they worked in entertainment. They lived in Los Angeles. This was their lives. They knew what to do, more so with someone like me than I knew what to do with myself, or my parents, or anyone around me. Um, but I didn't know really where her background came from. It ended up being in porn. And one thing led to another of depression, uh, you know, wanting sex and not being, like,

• 48:48Speaker 06

  all over the place, but then kind of, um, being wronged, which ended up turning into a celebrity sex tape.

• 48:57Speaker 05

  Okay. Can I, can I mention his name?

• 49:00Speaker 06

  Sure, of course.

• 49:01Speaker 05

  Is this, uh, James Dean?

• 49:02Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 49:02Speaker 05

  Okay. So, this is, you were how old when, when?

• 49:07Speaker 06

  Was I twenty?

• 49:08Speaker 05

  Twenty.

• 49:09Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 49:09Speaker 05

  So.

• 49:10Speaker 06

  Just got back from Miami.

• 49:11Speaker 05

  Just got back from Miami. Uh, you weren't dating anyone?

• 49:15Speaker 06

  No. I mean, but there was crazier sex life things there, like, a guy, like, inviting me to orgy's in Miami, like, dating other celebrity friends of mine. Like, it was wild down there, and it was too wild then, so I came back to Iowa.

• 49:27Speaker 05

  Okay, okay. But, but, so you and Jane, James?

• 49:30Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 49:31Speaker 05

  You had?

• 49:31Speaker 06

  Met through Gina, my manager, at the time.

• 49:35Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 49:35Speaker 06

  And, but she knew so many porn stars. It wasn't just like, here's James. Um, and she was really on a thing of, like, well, let me be your mom. And I, I do feel like she knew my vulnerability was that I obviously didn't get along with my mom. That was all over.

• 49:52Speaker 05

  Right.

• 49:53Speaker 06

  Um, and she was like, I think you should move to LA, like, you could be my daughter. Keep in mind, her daughter is, like, on these calls and hearing this. And I'm just hyper-aware of the jealousy probably from my sister, my grandma, my mom, growing up.

• 50:05Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 50:05Speaker 06

  And I think it, like, really, you know, yes, I probably needed comfort. I needed someone to hold space for me because no one is, okay? But I think I was just in a very, I, I had to do sex trauma therapy about this sex tape that we're talking about, and, um, I look at this thing and I see me being so sad and just needing like a touch, a touch of love so desperately. And I think sometimes when you're so desperate, you need to just go get mental health and not go for sex and drugs and alcohol or coke or whatever you want to reach for.

• 50:37Speaker 05

  Right.

• 50:38Speaker 06

  Um, go get some 12-step therapy. But that is what I sadly reached out to at a very vulnerable time. And I did have a chin implant that I didn't ask for. I woke up to it when I got my nose job in Miami. And then the doctor was like, could you please just wait a year? And then if you don't like it, we'll take it out. But that was one of the worst years of my life, the most desperate, the most insecure, the most need of some kind of motherly love, some kind of a physical touch. And I always just say like, face dysmorphia is a real, real hard thing to overcome. Uh, even like the producers that I started working with, again, the sex tape came out.

• 51:21Speaker 06

  The production wanted to continue to work through this mess that I was going through.

• 51:25Speaker 05

  Wow, wow. And even, I mean, I could see how this year, do you recall what year that was that we're talking about?

• 51:31Speaker 06

  2013.

• 51:32Speaker 05

  All right, 2013, okay.

• 51:34Speaker 06

  So 2009, my life changed, then 2013, it changed again.

• 51:37Speaker 05

  Yeah, and I could see too is you are a household name, 2013.

• 51:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 51:43Speaker 05

  Lots of attention.

• 51:44Speaker 06

  I was not ready for that or couldn't be in the headspace to be available for that yet.

• 51:49Speaker 05

  Yes, and then to what your point earlier, which I thought was well said is that a lot of people were hate watching you. So I would imagine, not I would imagine, I remember you were in all the tabloids.

• 52:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:01Speaker 05

  You know, so it becomes, what, did you feel like people just wanted to see you fail?

• 52:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, for sure.

• 52:10Speaker 05

  So with you and James.

• 52:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:13Speaker 05

  When that whole thing happened, were you, did you know that it was being filmed? Did you know that?

• 52:18Speaker 06

  Well, for sure, I was like, I want to make a sex tape. I just want to have fun.

• 52:22Speaker 05

  All right.

• 52:22Speaker 06

  And I just like want to remember this because like I want something for me. There was no problem with me having my own like footage and like me exploring.

• 52:34Speaker 05

  Right.

• 52:35Speaker 06

  There was a problem when he wanted to lie about things. There was a problem when he just went around me without my consent and made like his whole, like a press, press release, like someone meet me here with a camera and I'm going to talk about Farrah and I'm going to say that we did a porn. Like if that was consensual, I messaged him immediately after I saw that. And I said, why would you do that when you didn't ask me? Never texts me back, continues his charades of press and all of his attention. And of course, I'm yelling at the manager who's like, oh, he would never say anything. Like he has sex all the time, he's a porn star, he's a professional, da, da, da, da, da. All of that.

• 53:17Speaker 06

  And so I literally was just like, uh, yeah, I think that's really screwed up.

• 53:21Speaker 05

  Right.

• 53:22Speaker 06

  So yeah, that was really hurtful and a lot to unpack. And I did have to do sex trauma therapy on that. That's why I could talk maybe as good as I'm trying to about it today.

• 53:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, no, I mean, you're painting the picture.

• 53:34Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 53:34Speaker 05

  And I think what is important for me at least is that you, what you were attempting to do at this time was to have agency.

• 53:43Speaker 06

  Agency, sorry if I couldn't get that word.

• 53:46Speaker 05

  Oh, no.

• 53:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, agency, like it's your sex life. Where is that for me? I was really fumbling the ball and trying to find it.

• 53:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, and so then, uh, part of that was you then sold.

• 54:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 54:01Speaker 05

  The rights to it, the part of it. So the rumor always was that you sold it for a million, for over a million.

• 54:09Speaker 06

  Yeah, but that's not accurate. I still own it till this day.

• 54:12Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 54:12Speaker 06

  I'm still an owner till this day.

• 54:14Speaker 05

  All right, so then what then led to the, to the, to the firing then? Was it that?

• 54:20Speaker 06

  I was asking for my daughter to be paid more on MTV as an equal because they're not paying her dad. They're not paying anyone else. Um, my parents were filming less. They kept saying that they were taking away, you know, if you're filming less, then you get paid less. And like Sophia is always here, she's always filming, you guys need to pay her more. They refused, Fair Nations or, you know, all they, yeah, Favor Nations, all the kids need to be paid the same. And I'm like, we are not all in the same situation and I am not going to continue to hear this. And I do open up Sophia's own children's boutique in store for her to earn more money. I open up my furniture store, I open up a frozen yogurt store.

• 55:00Speaker 05

  Oh, wow.

• 55:01Speaker 06

  I do like three other TV shows that are around the world. And I also, um, signed two contracts, I think it was like for 50,000 apiece, for me to just show up on a live cam company website for an hour and talk to fans. That was that, um, cam company was an adult company, but they wanted celebrities to be there to make it more mainstream, obviously.

• 55:24Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 55:24Speaker 06

  So I just said, yes, I needed the money. I'm a single parent and to this day, no one can get in the way of me earning money because I need that as a single woman, as a widower. So I'm going to do work, they don't want to pay me more, they always argue, they always fight. You went to 2026 without money.

• 55:42Speaker 05

  Right.

• 55:43Speaker 06

  And I'm going to go ahead and do it. Morgan comes and flies in on my day off to fire me, making me work, making me film. I do it anyways, I always do everything in good faith. They don't, fires me at my dad's house.

• 55:58Speaker 05

  And Morgan is from, uh?

• 56:00Speaker 06

  New York.

• 56:00Speaker 05

  New York, from, um?

• 56:02Speaker 06

  Production.

• 56:02Speaker 05

  Production, okay.

• 56:04Speaker 06

  Yes, so he says I'm the only girl out of 10 girls who's difficult. Um, I just say that he should have handled it better. So he just didn't want to hear it and he wanted to say, okay, well, you're going into adult entertainment. And he orchestrated that in scenes with Caitlin Tyler, Macy, everybody else. So I don't have to agree with what any man tells me about who I am, what I am, what I'm becoming. And he never let the teen mom, the woman perspective ever come out. And I think that is a disservice to the 16 and pregnant franchise, to the teen mom franchise. And I just think it's a disservice for other men to follow in those footsteps. And that, and that sadly is what attracts to me, is what happens to me.

• 56:45Speaker 06

  And them always allowing, um, other cast members to attack me like on our specials. So I've been attacked multiple times when I've gone out here in Hollywood. I had a guy handcuff himself to me and it was because I was on the face of the commercials at the time. And so hate TV creates hate in real life. And people really need to be held more accountable for what they're doing to women. And I don't think any other woman would be as strong as I am to get through what I've been through.

• 57:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, because on this too is right around this time, you were arrested several times.

• 57:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, doing nothing.

• 57:22Speaker 05

  Yes, so what, what, what happened during these arrests?

• 57:27Speaker 06

  Uh, one was at Beverly Hills Hotel. I was standing up for my girlfriend and I just wasn't having it. And I was like, stop touching her, stop me into handling her. Um, and I was there all day. They claimed on the news that I was trespassing when I was there all day with my daughter at the pool. Um, but anyways, just held me in jail, tried to find something on me and never did.

• 57:46Speaker 05

  Is it, what, because you, did you get physical with them? Was that it or no?

• 57:50Speaker 06

  Um, I basically like smacked him and said, get your hands off my girlfriend and she doesn't need to stay with you. And I tried to leave and they took my belongings and my stuff. And when I got out of jail, you see the girl throwing me my phone.

• 58:03Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 58:03Speaker 06

  Um, and yeah, my lawyer was so upset, uh, that a friend would do that to me. It's sad, it's the sad world that we live in, like the lies, the insanity. Like I'm really always just so blessed that I'm alive. And I think like that last attack, I had severe PTSD, I couldn't act right. Um, and so the producers of Teen Moms sent me to an intensive trauma center. That's how I found my way back to Austin.

• 58:29Speaker 05

  Okay, okay. You know, then Farrah, if you could go back to that moment that you first found out about 16 and pregnant.

• 58:38Speaker 06

  Hmm, when I was pregnant and, or yeah, I was like sad, just trying to make, please my parents.

• 58:44Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 58:44Speaker 06

  Be a people pleaser.

• 58:46Speaker 05

  But knowing everything that you know. Would you still have joined the show?

• 58:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, hands down, then I gotta take a second breath. I think I can't regret anything that I've done or said or chose or, you know, the losses that I've had, the insanities and rebuilding my identity. Like I can't go back and say anything yes or no because like that's just like, what if, what if, what if I didn't even have my daughter, you know? It's like, who would I be right now? So I, I'm really just grateful I stood in the hard times and came out.

• 59:24Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 59:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 59:25Speaker 05

  Yes, yes. Now, what then, what then becomes the relationship with your parents?

• 59:31Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 59:32Speaker 05

  Where, where, where did that land?

• 59:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, so I think my, uh, we did this great show called Family Boot Camp. And I think in the end, you're tasked as a child of your parents that are with you to choose one or the other or yourself. And I chose myself. And I think both of my parents were sad, but it sent a loud message that like I'm not going to be the ping pong in between you both anymore. And that took up a lot of my energy and my power through my twenties.

• 1:00:04Speaker 05

  Okay, so you said you've selected yourself. So do you talk to your parents?

• 1:00:10Speaker 06

  I do talk to my parents here and there.

• 1:00:12Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:00:12Speaker 06

  I, um, have really kind of, you know, detached with love is all I can say. I have shown mad gratitude for every moment that I could spend with them. Even if it's a hard moment, I have mad gratitude because I know I don't get it. I know I won't get it. And so, yeah, you only get a little bit of love sometimes from your family and you gotta keep it moving.

• 1:00:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, but it sounds like you still want it though.

• 1:00:43Speaker 06

  Can't keep putting them on a pedestal. So. It's hard to grieve the love that you just don't get.

• 1:00:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'd say I feel so incredibly sad, you know, hearing this. Because I can see that what you have been asking for, looking for, begging for,

• 1:01:06Speaker 05

  is just love. It's, it's, it's, it's that feeling of, and we all want and need this, this emotional safety.

• 1:01:14Speaker 06

  I think we all need some love. Okay, we do. I give it. I love giving love, you know? I love making other people's day. And I love, you know, volunteering. I love my daughter saying that she gets the love that she wants.

• 1:01:30Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:01:31Speaker 06

  So if I could help that for someone else, I love that.

• 1:01:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's hard.

• 1:01:39Speaker 05

  I, um, I, I'd say what is so beautiful, though, is to see how you have really leaned into motherhood.

• 1:01:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:47Speaker 05

  And, and, and we're going to go there.

• 1:01:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:01:50Speaker 05

  And by the way, if you ever need it, there's a tissue right there.

• 1:01:52Speaker 06

  Okay, I'm like, I think I just need a second.

• 1:01:56Speaker 05

  Hey there, I just want to say thank you for choosing We Need to Talk. Doing this podcast is one of the greatest joys of my life. And I want to continue to share it with you. So hit follow and the bell icon. It takes just a second and it helps us to continue to grow this podcast.

• 1:02:18Speaker 05

  I think that one place of healing

• 1:02:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:23Speaker 05

  that we haven't talked about yet, but you've been mentioning it in our conversation, is you mentioned facial dysmorphia.

• 1:02:31Speaker 06

  Oh yeah, it's real.

• 1:02:33Speaker 05

  And then we can talk about body dysmorphia.

• 1:02:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:36Speaker 05

  So we talked a little bit about you correcting a bump on your nose. But you said that when you went to that surgery, you woke up with a chin that you didn't ask for.

• 1:02:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, legit.

• 1:02:47Speaker 05

  How does that happen?

• 1:02:49Speaker 06

  So the doctor beforehand had mentioned, okay, so I'm gonna just shave your nose down. And then he's like, well, what about your chin and what about all this? And I was like, no, my chin's fine. I'm, I never even brought up my chin. Like, I'm totally fine. I don't need anything. But here's the thing, I was awake for two days before the press thing that they wanted to do for the surgery.

• 1:03:10Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:03:11Speaker 06

  And the nose surgery was so like, had me anxious and like, maybe because it's on my nose and you're breathing out of it and so anxious. And I was so swollen. So like, I was so naive. Like, when I woke up for two days before this pressing, no one told me that I had a chin implant. And I found out when we were doing press because the reporter's like, so why is all your face swollen, Farrah? And I'm like, oh my God, he gave me a chin implant. And I was so like,

• 1:03:49Speaker 06

  what the fuck? Like, what man would do that? When I, when I talk about it now, and now they're doing TV shows where people are removing their plastic surgery because the surgeons have gone so far. And they even interviewed me to create one of the shows that's out. Because I knew about this with me, with this whole chin dysmorphia problem. And I have to say, like, I can't even believe that someone who I rooted for to get a TV show and everything for this plastic surgeon, that he did that to me.

• 1:04:18Speaker 05

  So you go in for one type of surgery.

• 1:04:22Speaker 06

  And I say no, no, no, no, no to everything. And my mom was calling me a witch in that year because of a chin implant. I couldn't even, again, be,

• 1:04:32Speaker 06

  I was just so mortified of myself. Like, I even like was cheating on the boyfriend that I had for three years, on and off, of course. And then I did like, my own like private sex thing that I wanted to do because I didn't feel comfortable doing it with my boyfriend that I had on and off for so long. And then that turned into a whole problem. But I, I can't ever describe to you how awful that year was for me. And nothing like that has ever happened again since I've removed the chin implant.

• 1:05:00Speaker 05

  Okay, okay.

• 1:05:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:01Speaker 05

  All right, so then.

• 1:05:03Speaker 06

  Crazy.

• 1:05:04Speaker 05

  So, yeah, it's, that's bizarre.

• 1:05:05Speaker 06

  It's unbelievable.

• 1:05:07Speaker 05

  That's bizarre. That's bizarre.

• 1:05:08Speaker 06

  You know, if something's gonna make you happy, go for it. But I will say I did all of my surgeries out of a depressive grieving state. And, yeah.

• 1:05:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:20Speaker 06

  Again, I told you on the photo, you showed me of Derek and I happy, happier, happier than ever.

• 1:05:26Speaker 05

  Exactly, happier than ever there. Also, something that stands out to me so much based on what you just said, why you did your surgery, is we had Dr. Terry DeBrow.

• 1:05:36Speaker 06

  Oh, he worked with me.

• 1:05:37Speaker 05

  Yes, he was sitting right there. And I know that you were on botched.

• 1:05:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:42Speaker 05

  And one thing that I remember, I watched your episode.

• 1:05:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:05:46Speaker 05

  And there was some, there was a statement that you gave, it's profound. It said, you said, I did all of my surgery to please other people.

• 1:05:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, probably.

• 1:05:58Speaker 05

  It was for other people.

• 1:05:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:02Speaker 05

  Think about that.

• 1:06:03Speaker 06

  I do. And then, you know, the boobs, I've had to end up getting them three times. Just, my body just kind of like fights, fights them.

• 1:06:13Speaker 06

  But yeah, I, I think, I even said the other day, I'm like, I just take my boob implants out. Am I just, like, if I'm happier than, like, less is more? Like, I don't know. That's just really me and my thoughts at the end of the day, when I'm home on my own, which is always. And I don't, you know, like, what are boobs? Boobs are a selling mechanism for, you know, kind of like adult stuff. And I do hear, you know, other husbands, you know, saying negative things towards their wives, like when they remove their boob implants. And I, I think in the back of my head, it's shunned really in society, like, remove your boob implants. Be less feminine.

• 1:06:57Speaker 06

  A man's not gonna love you if you don't have them. So like, those are real concerns of my insecurity to be loved, is what you've learned about me. I want love so bad. And the reasons probably of why I still have boob implants.

• 1:07:12Speaker 05

  Yeah. Did, did you just say that your boobs are a selling mechanism?

• 1:07:17Speaker 06

  Well, they are, you know? If I don't have double D probably in my profiles online, are all my teens, you know, 20 plus people who work for me, are they all gonna sell more? Probably not, because it's not a big boob page, right? I, like, look, this is the world I was born into, not what I'm creating.

• 1:07:35Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:07:36Speaker 06

  But I'm letting you know how a single woman survives in life through this wide world.

• 1:07:41Speaker 05

  Got you.

• 1:07:42Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:07:43Speaker 05

  No, I hear you.

• 1:07:44Speaker 06

  I'm just being honest.

• 1:07:45Speaker 05

  No, no, I hear you. I hear you. And I appreciate the honesty.

• 1:07:47Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:47Speaker 05

  But so it sounds like what you're also saying is, is that.

• 1:07:51Speaker 06

  I do love that Derek loved me with no double Ds, my regular nose. Thought literally the world of me and I have the messages that I cherish in all the work that I do when I recreate.

• 1:08:05Speaker 06

  I mean, I read it one yesterday just because I wanted to read it and feel good about myself. Like, what a gift.

• 1:08:12Speaker 05

  Yes. And what was that that you wrote yesterday?

• 1:08:15Speaker 06

  Oh, that he wrote, or he wrote to me in 2001, ever, 2008 or something. And it was just saying, like, everything about me was perfect. Like, he loved me. He thought that I was so mature compared to other people. Without me in his life, like, he wouldn't be him and he loves me so much. Like, he wrote me the most beautiful letters. Not to compare to anyone, but I just, and other people wrote me great letters too. But there's just something about authentic Farrah being loved that other people don't authentically love. Like, they just love, like, big boob Farrah or whatever, a teen mom Farrah at a certain time when I was super depressed, don't want to go back to that.

• 1:09:01Speaker 06

  So I love when I'm loved and I'm just loving. I, I just like that whole love. I like that love.

• 1:09:07Speaker 05

  Yes, yes. But, but that, that seems to be more of an authentic love. Because it, because it seems like you, well, let me ask. Have you been in love since Derek?

• 1:09:22Speaker 06

  I think I tried to love someone.

• 1:09:26Speaker 06

  And I think I give love. I think I give love, but I don't think I'm in love. Like, so I can't say like, I was in love with my ex three years ago. I'm just like, I gave, I gave him love. He didn't know what to do with it and, but I'm not in love with him. I think sometimes I was just not capable. I think where I'm at now is I am capable. I do wanna love, but I also know I will not get in love with someone if I don't see all the signs that they can get, that they can reciprocate.

• 1:09:57Speaker 05

  Okay, okay. So can we talk about you and dating?

• 1:10:00Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:10:01Speaker 05

  Cause something I read, and you need to tell me if this is the truth.

• 1:10:05Speaker 06

  I've done a lot of work in dating, but yeah.

• 1:10:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, you've done a lot of work. You've done a lot of work. And you have a lot of, I think, requirements that I have never, your requirement list.

• 1:10:15Speaker 06

  What kind of requirements?

• 1:10:17Speaker 05

  I saw that you require men to sign an NDA.

• 1:10:23Speaker 06

  Is that rough?

• 1:10:24Speaker 05

  Have an STD check.

• 1:10:26Speaker 06

  Well, thank God.

• 1:10:27Speaker 05

  And sometimes have a vasectomy.

• 1:10:31Speaker 06

  Well, thank you. God, is that not a dream or what? Like.

• 1:10:35Speaker 05

  But is that, that's your list?

• 1:10:36Speaker 06

  That is great.

• 1:10:37Speaker 05

  That's, this is your list?

• 1:10:38Speaker 06

  Sign me up. I'm ready to be in love.

• 1:10:42Speaker 05

  But this, this is it, really?

• 1:10:44Speaker 06

  Shit, don't, don't tell me for a good time. That sounds like a good save time. Yeah.

• 1:10:50Speaker 05

  It does sound like a good save time.

• 1:10:51Speaker 06

  Geez, sounds like I should be dating there. Tell me where the club is.

• 1:10:54Speaker 05

  Really? But is that, is, is that truly your requirement list?

• 1:10:59Speaker 06

  I feel really good with that.

• 1:11:01Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:11:02Speaker 06

  I am still being honest, yes.

• 1:11:04Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:11:04Speaker 06

  Makes me happy.

• 1:11:05Speaker 05

  Really? So how, how do you, how do you approach that when you're dating? It's like, okay, I need you to sign an NDA and I need an STD check and.

• 1:11:14Speaker 06

  Well, I know if you're not gonna sign an NDA, you're not gonna be honest and trustworthy. Don't care a million years down the road. If you have an issue with it, then you don't wanna be authentic. I'm gonna be straight up authentic to you. And it's not gonna go anywhere. And I'm sorry, like, I just had a million people make a million excuses of, I would never do that. They're a professional or this or this or that. Then they go and do some bad stuff. So I don't play about my peace. We gotta sign an NDA. We gotta be on the same page. What was the thing? STD test? Are we kidding? I need, I, after being sexually assaulted and doing a rape kit and all that other craziness

• 1:11:53Speaker 06

  and blood work for six months and making sure that I am clean, yeah, I'm gonna do some STD tests. Say the same to my daughter. Are you playing? We are not playing with that.

• 1:12:04Speaker 05

  Okay, okay, okay. Vasectomy?

• 1:12:07Speaker 06

  Vasectomy? Look, we've started out without a vasectomy, but then we realized the grass is greener with the vasectomy. So yeah, vasectomy all the way.

• 1:12:16Speaker 05

  Okay. Why is the grass greener with the vasectomy?

• 1:12:18Speaker 06

  Cause you take the fear and anxiety out of your sex life.

• 1:12:22Speaker 05

  Hmm, okay, okay. So now.

• 1:12:25Speaker 06

  Hmm, I didn't have any fear and anxiety before I had a vasectomy. Did you ever get a vasectomy?

• 1:12:30Speaker 05

  Who, me? No.

• 1:12:31Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:12:32Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:12:32Speaker 06

  Free ballin', all right.

• 1:12:36Speaker 05

  Literally.

• 1:12:36Speaker 06

  Literally.

• 1:12:37Speaker 05

  Literally.

• 1:12:38Speaker 06

  But I think you're also in a space that you're not having fear and anxiety in your sex life or your partner and your family and those things, which is a beautiful thing. But other men who are out there dating, they're like, oh my God, I gotta pull out. Oh my God, she's gonna act like she's pregnant and like stick me to herself. Or like, you know, all these things. And I'm just like, no, I'm gonna tell you to just go get a vasectomy, save your sperm, have a baby when you want, consent to it, get your right partner. And I'm not trying to do anything bad to you. I just want a good time. I wanna have fun with my person, my partner. Like, let's go crazy. But that's, I think I'm just getting rid of any doubts towards me.

• 1:13:18Speaker 05

  Okay, so then walk me through this, though.

• 1:13:20Speaker 06

  I am the right pick.

• 1:13:21Speaker 05

  Okay, okay. All right, all right. I'm not gonna argue on that, right? Okay, so have you had men who have said, no, I'm, I'm not going to do the NDA or STD check or?

• 1:13:31Speaker 06

  Totally. And I'm like, that's great, don't do it. I'm not going. I won't meet you there. I won't be there.

• 1:13:37Speaker 05

  Really, okay?

• 1:13:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:13:38Speaker 05

  Okay, so this is definitely a boundary for you.

• 1:13:41Speaker 06

  I have definite boundaries, yeah. Especially with like crazy cases and stuff that I'm dealing with. So, yeah.

• 1:13:47Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:13:47Speaker 06

  I mean, and it was kind of just like also like dating someone. My last year was relationship. When it came to kind of like harder legal battles in courts and things like that with me, like I realized like some men are just not capable of handling the things that I have to go through and get through sadly at this time in my life. Maybe if they met me, you know, a year after, a month after, everything was all roses and like all the attacks were out of my way, then maybe like those relationships would have worked out. But some men are just not down for the long haul. So I just know like I gotta have a guy who can really have a good time.

• 1:14:27Speaker 05

  Yes, yes. No, I, I, and also I would imagine too is you need a peer.

• 1:14:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:14:32Speaker 05

  Now, you are a public figure.

• 1:14:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:14:36Speaker 05

  Right? Do you need a man who is also a public figure or you prefer them not to be?

• 1:14:42Speaker 06

  I think I'm, I'm really into like businessmen. I mean, but you could be a public figure and a businessman. You know what I'm saying?

• 1:14:49Speaker 05

  All right. Best date that you have ever been on, Farrah?

• 1:14:54Speaker 06

  Oh, it's a very love bombing date.

• 1:14:56Speaker 05

  Oh, really? But.

• 1:14:58Speaker 06

  Girls are gonna be like, no, it's not a real date.

• 1:15:01Speaker 05

  Uh-oh, I'm ready for it. I'm ready for it.

• 1:15:03Speaker 06

  So I do think my dreamiest, cause he was trying to be so dreamy, so love bombing. He pulls up a one of one car on the tarmac, has his private jet and he's been here in Los Angeles. And wild fun on the jet. And then we land over in Las Vegas to a one of one historical boxing match. And we're front row. And then it was just like, you know, a little Romeo. He like saves me. He has a Rolls Royce, he's got the villa. And, um, you know, it's a love bombing dream and I tend to find myself in those. I attract them actually. Like, you know, if you're a guy with a Ferrari or God, what's another car that always is attracted to me? Rolls Royces and Aston Martins.

• 1:15:48Speaker 06

  I feel like if you're one of those men, you're definitely gonna love my energy. But now that I have just really come to wake up to every day loudly, I just don't like love bombing.

• 1:16:00Speaker 05

  I hear you.

• 1:16:00Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:16:01Speaker 05

  I hear you. So then what would your worst date be?

• 1:16:05Speaker 06

  Oh my God. My worst date was when I was filming a TV show. They wanted to put us on dates and I think I was staying at my mom's at the time in between, like trying to find a house or something. They put me on a date with a man who for reals, lives with his mom full time to have him, help him raise his kids. And I was like, look, guys, I am gonna endure this date, but in no world that I live in would I ever go on a date with a man who cannot somehow live on his own and provide for himself. Just cause I'm like staying at my parents' house. I think it's like a kind of a different thing and I'm also like filming with them. It was just like a difference. Like I don't sit here like a crutch.

• 1:16:50Speaker 06

  Like I don't just sit if I wasn't like filming. Um, so I think like that was a little, I don't know what they were trying to do with that date. It was a little off.

• 1:16:59Speaker 05

  It was a little off. All right, now in either of those two dates, did those men sign NDAs?

• 1:17:06Speaker 06

  Hmm. No, this was before my roles.

• 1:17:09Speaker 05

  Oh, really? Both?

• 1:17:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, they could just, you know, have STDs. They could blab their mouths, which I knew the one with the job was not gonna do that. And I knew he wasn't gonna have sex with me. And what was the other situation? Oh, well, the sex we didn't need to go there.

• 1:17:26Speaker 05

  Okay. All right, fair, fair. All right, can I show you something else?

• 1:17:30Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:17:31Speaker 05

  You ready for this?

• 1:17:32Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:17:32Speaker 05

  All right. This, this, this is one of my favorites. I'm gonna go to here. Ready?

• 1:17:37Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:17:37Speaker 05

  Tell me what is happening in this.

• 1:17:40Speaker 06

  Oh my God. What is happening is this, and this is, this is Sophia's dad's sign that Grandpa Jerry bought for him in Loving Memory of Derek Underwood, her dad. We got to visit Grandpa Jerry. We visited his, um, gravestone, his cemetery in Missouri.

• 1:18:02Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:18:02Speaker 06

  So this was that. I was still a little struggling, a little depressed there, but Sophia was so happy. And I let her at this age stay for some of the summers. They would go fishing, all the grandkids and grandpa.

• 1:18:16Speaker 05

  All right.

• 1:18:16Speaker 06

  And they were so happy.

• 1:18:17Speaker 05

  Yes, yes. So look at that. You are struggling in this, but you acknowledge how happy your daughter is.

• 1:18:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:18:26Speaker 05

  In, in this. And now the, you're also ensuring that she knows who her father is.

• 1:18:34Speaker 06

  For sure, always.

• 1:18:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:18:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:38Speaker 05

  Love it, love it. I'll hold on to that one.

• 1:18:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:41Speaker 05

  So can we talk about motherhood?

• 1:18:43Speaker 06

  Let's talk about motherhood.

• 1:18:45Speaker 05

  All right. So the world really saw you grow as a mom.

• 1:18:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:52Speaker 05

  Which is unique because you, every mom and every father, right, fumbles a little bit. But when you look at your journey, what would you say that you were most proud of as a mom?

• 1:19:10Speaker 06

  That I showed my daughter love and that she knows what love is.

• 1:19:15Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:19:16Speaker 06

  I think that's a super powerful thing to find and know and be able to find when you need it within yourself and that my daughter has.

• 1:19:25Speaker 05

  Yes, yes. Now, the relationship between you and your daughter seems to be incredibly strong.

• 1:19:34Speaker 06

  I'd say so.

• 1:19:35Speaker 05

  But also too, is it seems as if you two are friends. Is that fair to say?

• 1:19:40Speaker 06

  Hmm, I'm really a mom.

• 1:19:43Speaker 05

  You're really, okay, interesting. So you don't associate being a friend with being a mom?

• 1:19:50Speaker 06

  Ah, I think my, I heard my daughter the other day describe me and she says that I'm for sure her mom, I'm sassy, I'm fun, and I just show her a lot of love. So I think like that maybe is what my daughter thinks of me. I will say like, compared to some of my other mom friends, I'm making my daughter do her chores. I have a whole chore board on the kitchen counter because I just refuse to repeat myself. You know, I can only do so mu- I am a mom. And I can only do so much as one person. And so I very much am structured.

• 1:20:35Speaker 06

  But I'm fun and I let things go because I have my ADHD and I forget stuff. But, I mean, I don't know if I'm too much of a, I mean, look, the kids, Sophia has always known that all of her kids, kid friends love me. I'm like the young mom, I'm fun, I'm like the coolest, you know? Don't tempt me for a good time. But I also have to be a real parent. And sometimes I am very much more accountable and mature than some of the other parents around me. So I don't know if I can just be like I'm a friend. I know it looks like in photos and I'm like, little bestie, but I can't help that I'm just a teen mom. I am very much a mom.

• 1:21:13Speaker 05

  Hmm, hmm. Well, you got serious there.

• 1:21:16Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think, I think a lot of people think I'm just a friend sometimes and I'm like, no. And I think like a lot of men have challenged me when dating me. And they always act like I just give my daughter everything and to put my foot down. And even my dad's wife, when I was last with them a couple of months ago, was behaving like that. And that really got to me. And I just have to like say to anyone and everyone like, I take, I look at my daughter differently than I am. She was born as a public figure. She also has different rights and different things that I need to be respectful of. And

• 1:21:59Speaker 06

  I am not gonna hold her back in any shape, way, or form because of my way I was raised. So like, you know, she wants a brand new car and it's the sports car and like she has the money and she's worked her whole life for it. And I worked very hard to invest her money so that she could have what she has. She's gonna get it. And some people look at me as like, you're treating her like a friend, you're not putting your foot down, you should go buy her a used old piece of whatever. You know, I'm not gonna go against my daughter's wishes. It is her stuff, it is her life to consent to, and I take that real serious right now.

• 1:22:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, I see it, I see it. You know, and I also know, you said your daughter was born a public figure.

• 1:22:37Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:22:38Speaker 05

  She's had to also manage everything, you know, the storm around you.

• 1:22:44Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:22:45Speaker 05

  You know, the public storm.

• 1:22:46Speaker 06

  It's a lot for her.

• 1:22:47Speaker 05

  Yeah. So when you talk to her, how do you help her to manage that?

• 1:22:54Speaker 06

  Well, whether it's supporters of the show, fans or haters, whatever it may be, and they want to interject, they want to obviously get us off of our focus of shopping or whatever we're doing, and they need a photo, they need whatever they need. You know, Sophia didn't really take that lightly at first. More like, no, I'm gonna keep going about my life. And like, they don't, like, let's just ignore them. And it, but like, that's not real good social skills. We just go through everything and we think, well, how do we want them to feel once leaving us? Do they, do we want other people to feel like they didn't matter? We are selfish in our own stuff? Like, do you wanna just set the boundary of this is what I can do and then I need to give back to what I do wanna

• 1:23:39Speaker 06

  do? And there's, there's this fine rhythm and dance to life. And I think that's all I was doing was showcasing and reasoning with my daughter of how do we wanna do these things? How do you wanna get the, like, through this? Or like the finished look at this? And I think like, that's really just been something for her to gauge and see.

• 1:23:59Speaker 05

  I see it, I see it. And so also in-

• 1:24:01Speaker 06

  It's not just telling someone what to do.

• 1:24:03Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:24:03Speaker 06

  You know, blind, I feel like what a lot of people are raised with, like I was, is just like blindly being obedient. And I think, you know, some people do that in religion. I think they do that in their lives. You do whatever you wanna do to get through it. But I do not teach my child to blindly believe me, blindly be obedient to me, blindly anything with me. And I also don't treat her like I'm gonna blindly believe her. And I think that is holding others accountable, which my parents did not have. You know, whether it's a belt for, why am I being belted? Because I couldn't read a Bible verse? Like, blindly obedient, I'm in the Antichrist because I'm not gonna agree with you, but yet I

• 1:24:46Speaker 06

  am sharing what I'm feeling and you don't wanna hear it. So she hits me in front of everyone on TV.

• 1:24:52Speaker 05

  Wow, this is your mother.

• 1:24:53Speaker 06

  Yes. So I don't do the blind obedience. I will do the reasoning, I will talk through it. And I tell you what, my daughter will sometimes catch herself trying to be all holier than now. Sometimes she thinks she's right. And then I'm like, huh, well, if I were to reason that and I say this out loud, what does it sound like? And I'll just like reverberate what she's saying. And she's like, okay. Like, and I'm just so grateful that I could be like that soundboard for her.

• 1:25:20Speaker 05

  Yes, yes. Something that I believe you've done a great job in as a parent, and something that I see in your daughter is her ability to lean into who she is.

• 1:25:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:25:33Speaker 05

  And own that, be proud of that. And that's something that I wish more, more children were able to do.

• 1:25:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm really happy for Sophia, for her finding that, really. I'm like, Sophia, did I just not notice? It's like, everybody acts like it's such a big deal. And I'm like, but I think maybe we're just doing it anyways. Like, sometimes she would just wear black. Like, I have pictures of her when she's little, just wearing black and having fun. But, like, she tells me all the time, like, something about my legs to my butt ratio. And I'm like,

• 1:26:04Speaker 06

  what do you want me to do? Go suck all my fat out? I'm like, I worked very hard to get this fat, I guess. So I'm gonna just let it be.

• 1:26:11Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:26:12Speaker 06

  Like, let me be.

• 1:26:13Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:26:13Speaker 06

  Um, and I just like, let her know that she can let be. And like, if she needs help with any of her stuff, like, you know, don't be insecure about it. Like, lean into it, like, figure it out. And I think, you know, her body's different than mine. And I'm just, again, grateful to let her learn about herself because like, she's gonna be her biggest advocate. Like, if I'm not there, she's got a know-how. And I think I could send my daughter into like a war zone and she's gonna be okay. Which I did kind of do that for a summer camp with no phones, no AC. It was all outside. It's one of the most prestigious summer camps that the kids can go to, Camp Longhorn in Texas. And literally, she thrived through

• 1:26:56Speaker 06

  it. She made so many friends. She was like the only girl at all of the dances who was like, no, I don't need a boy to go with me. And all of her girlfriends, we've been to concerts together around, around the nation here. And I was really happy. She survived it. She used to act like, oh my God, I can't live without my phone and all my, all my extra stuff. But she did it.

• 1:27:18Speaker 05

  See, look at that, look at that. And she did it apart because of you.

• 1:27:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:27:24Speaker 05

  Right?

• 1:27:24Speaker 06

  So she was like, okay, I can now do stuff. Now she likes to do more stuff and be independent because she was very non, very codependent on me. And I was like, no, I think you should go do stuff with the kids, like, or your friends, or like new friends, or like new kids, you know?

• 1:27:40Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:27:40Speaker 06

  Um, but yeah, we do enjoy so much of our time together.

• 1:27:43Speaker 05

  Yes, yes.

• 1:27:44Speaker 06

  But we're not besties. It's, we enjoy our company.

• 1:27:47Speaker 05

  Fair enough, fair enough. What do you believe you mean to her?

• 1:27:52Speaker 06

  Hmm, I don't know. Strength comes to mind, but I don't know if that's what she would say.

• 1:27:59Speaker 05

  Okay, all right, fair enough. So then that means this last surprise I have is very important for you.

• 1:28:06Speaker 06

  Okay, I'm guessing right. Hmm.

• 1:28:09Speaker 05

  You ready? You ready?

• 1:28:10Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:28:11Speaker 05

  I have this for you.

• 1:28:12Speaker 06

  Oh, wow.

• 1:28:13Speaker 05

  You think you could, you could open that up and read it for us?

• 1:28:15Speaker 06

  Yes. And I like the handwriting. Whoever wrote this, I like the blue, I like the blue. Loving the blue. Okay, let's read this. Okay. This is a letter, everyone. Okay, my mother, I would not want to go through every impact, hold on, who wrote this? Is this my daughter? My mother? Okay. I'm like, my mother? All right. I would not want to go through every impactful moment in my life with anyone else. Aww. You have endured far more devastating events than you deserve. Oh my God, it's gonna make me cry.

• 1:28:57Speaker 06

  Do I have to read this? I just am like, oh my god.

• 1:29:04Speaker 06

  This is so great, like.

• 1:29:07Speaker 05

  Would you let me read it to you?

• 1:29:08Speaker 06

  Can you read it to me? Otherwise, I think I'm gonna cry if it's for my daughter. I'm like, oh my god.

• 1:29:13Speaker 05

  I will read it to you. Okay. So, my mother, I would not want to go through every impactful moment in my life with anyone else. You have endured far more devastating events than you deserve yet. You choose to stay strong and guide me, helping me avoid getting lost in life and make the right decisions so I don't have to go through anything worse than you did. You, my mother, have shown me the world and also shown me the impact we have on it. You have shaped my life in the best way, although growing up with millions of eyes on me, my focus has always stayed locked on yours.

• 1:30:00Speaker 05

  I have always trusted you, and you have always been by my side, no matter how hard people try to tear us apart. Even through the toughest years of my life, you helped me back up and taught me how to properly work through mental struggles and help me flourish. And even though my father is not here, you have given me the love, guidance, and support that most mothers and fathers cannot provide combined. I am very grateful that you and I got to grow up together. I admire your strength, responsibility, and your incredible work ethic, and I wouldn't change anything about you.

• 1:30:46Speaker 05

  I am so proud of you, and I'm very happy to be your daughter.

• 1:30:53Speaker 06

  I love that so much.

• 1:30:58Speaker 06

  I'm gonna like frame that. It's coming home in my office.

• 1:31:03Speaker 05

  All right, I'm gonna give this to you. I'm gonna give you all of your gifts.

• 1:31:05Speaker 06

  I'm like, I'm leaving this with that. Wow, what an amazing podcast. What a gift.

• 1:31:15Speaker 06

  Oh, god, that made my whole year, my whole life, my whole heart.

• 1:31:20Speaker 05

  I thought that was so beautifully written.

• 1:31:24Speaker 06

  I can't even believe it. Like, my daughter, just, again, just amazing.

• 1:31:29Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:31:29Speaker 06

  It's just amazing.

• 1:31:30Speaker 05

  And you know what's so interesting is what she said, it echoes everything that you said.

• 1:31:35Speaker 06

  I know. I'm like, what? I'm like, who wrote this? And it's so crazy that it's from my daughter.

• 1:31:41Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:31:43Speaker 06

  And I was like, just make sure you like write a letter to Chrissy, because Chrissy was asking her for some letter. And then she was like cooking dinner, and I don't know, she was just so quiet after her letter. She's like, yeah, I already sent it or something. And I was running around packing and fixing the pet stuff, and then she was cooking dinner and stuff. And she was just like, I wrote the letter, I hope you like it. Like, she was just like teasing about how great it was, but it really is amazing. I'm gonna do something extra with her this weekend. I love her.

• 1:32:15Speaker 05

  There you go. I think you need to buy her a new car.

• 1:32:19Speaker 06

  Basically, she chose my car that I just bought.

• 1:32:23Speaker 05

  That you just bought, yeah.

• 1:32:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:32:24Speaker 05

  All right, so here's the last topic. You.

• 1:32:30Speaker 05

  And running for office.

• 1:32:31Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah. I'm so grateful that I could.

• 1:32:36Speaker 05

  So, I know that you formally announced that you would run for mayor of?

• 1:32:42Speaker 06

  I know, and I messed up.

• 1:32:44Speaker 05

  Of Austin, right? Austin, Texas?

• 1:32:46Speaker 06

  Yes, Austin, Texas. Go Longhorns.

• 1:32:48Speaker 05

  Yes, yes.

• 1:32:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:32:49Speaker 05

  My brother lives in Austin.

• 1:32:51Speaker 06

  Go Austin.

• 1:32:52Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 1:32:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:32:53Speaker 05

  So, we had Spencer Pratt.

• 1:32:56Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:32:56Speaker 05

  Sit right here on this couch.

• 1:32:58Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:32:58Speaker 05

  And do you know that this was the first place that he announced that he was running for mayor of LA?

• 1:33:04Speaker 06

  Oh, my god.

• 1:33:05Speaker 05

  Before his press conference. He said it right, he said it right here.

• 1:33:09Speaker 06

  Yeah. So, yeah, you just have to have that justification within yourself. And I, you know, just had a flood and a fire at my house. I was staying at my dad's, and something innately overcame me. And I had thought about doing this in 2020.

• 1:33:27Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:33:28Speaker 06

  And of course, COVID and all this other junk happened. But I was like, even though I planned on running for it, and I know this fire and this flood happened and all this craziness, I need to step in and help the city. Like, I just know that things are getting wild, all my friends are moving out of here, the rents are getting too high, all this other stuff. They can't figure out if you are self-employed, how to get your own house, how to find credit unions and all that stuff. Even for my birthday post this year, I'm like posting how you can finance your car, your dreams and these things, because people are like, oh, my god, the car prices are going up. And I think by leading my life, advocating, learning how to advocate for myself, testing

• 1:34:13Speaker 06

  the limits of the city, the state, our nation, and showing my daughter how to survive it and thrive it, I just know, like, if I'm in the grocery store, if I'm dress shopping, if I'm everything, even if I did mess up on the first, you know, mayoral, the votership, mayoral, I guess it's just a document, it's not official yet.

• 1:34:39Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:34:40Speaker 06

  But announcing that I would like to run, announcing that I have interest in the mayor position, people always say, I'm gonna vote for you. I'll be leaving the airport, even probably when I get home from here, and some gentleman who's working at the airport will stop me and be like, Farah, I am gonna vote for you, even if you messed up. Like, you know? And it's just like, I think I would love to be perfect at administration work, but I'm not.

• 1:35:07Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:35:08Speaker 06

  But I do know that fiercely I can advocate for people. So, if it's starting at local district, which now they basically switched it because, I don't know, in a history, in a history of always having mayorship every two years, they just don't have it on the year that they allowed me to be approved for it and announce it to press.

• 1:35:28Speaker 05

  Okay. And that's when you keep saying, I messed up. That's what you're saying is that?

• 1:35:30Speaker 06

  I messed up, maybe.

• 1:35:31Speaker 05

  Is that, is that, you announced?

• 1:35:33Speaker 06

  Well, I allowed someone to guide me who didn't have the best interest.

• 1:35:38Speaker 05

  Okay. And, and so it was, so this was at the top of this year?

• 1:35:42Speaker 06

  And it was city, yeah, the city of Austin.

• 1:35:45Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:35:45Speaker 06

  And you have to, you know, fill in all your forms, get it approval, and I thought that they were guiding me properly. And now I just kind of advocate to say, like, even the city doesn't know what they're doing. And I think that we really need to keep looking and holding people accountable. They can't just all be volunteers. We can't just not know what's going on there. And there are very much a lot of like silent rooms and closed off.

• 1:36:07Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:36:08Speaker 06

  And I do feel like a public figure, maybe like Spencer Pratt or like anyone else who's running. I think Kid Rock is now running for mayor in his area. I think the more you have public figures who fill a stance, maybe a innate calling from God or something that is bigger than themselves, those are the proper people to help advocate. I, I'm not doing it because I'm best friends. I'm not doing it because my family has already done this. I'm not doing this because I'm a lawyer and I can have control trips, like some of the people who hold the seat right now for District 5. So, in July, I'm officially continuing with the local district seat, District 5. I think that's the proper way to start, so I can understand all these administrative issues that I have been caught up in.

• 1:36:53Speaker 06

  And then I would love to continue for mayor of Austin, and I think I still can, because I started early.

• 1:37:00Speaker 05

  Yes. Wow, so, so you're saying, so you're officially running for District 5?

• 1:37:05Speaker 06

  Local.

• 1:37:05Speaker 05

  Local, in Austin?

• 1:37:07Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:37:08Speaker 05

  And then in 2028?

• 1:37:10Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:37:10Speaker 05

  You will be running for mayor?

• 1:37:12Speaker 06

  Yeah. And I don't think there's anything wrong with even running early. I don't know why everyone made it out such like a big deal that I announced two years early, like, didn't they do that for like running for presidency and everything else? I mean, these are big things.

• 1:37:26Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:37:26Speaker 06

  It's like overtaking my life.

• 1:37:29Speaker 05

  So, so this is, it's interesting. I had to ask Spencer.

• 1:37:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:37:32Speaker 05

  I had to say, so you're serious? Are, are you running? So, you're saying that you are?

• 1:37:38Speaker 06

  Yes, I am. And I was literally at dinner with a friend who was taking me out to a new place. There was a woman who was running for a primary seat, which we've already completed our primary elections and those type of things locally. And she goes, Farah, the day, literally sitting next to me at sushi at this, like, only like five couples can be in the room. God has me sitting next to a woman who was running for office. She's like, Farah, I texted the mayor of Austin the day that that press came out, and everyone like could not believe that this was happening, that you were announcing this. And she's like, good for you. And if you want help and support, even though I'm like of a different party and everything, she's like, I'm here, call me.

• 1:38:22Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:38:22Speaker 06

  And I think like that's what I love, is it's not about what party you're in, it's not about your hate one way or the other. It's like, I'm doing the common good and you can trust me.

• 1:38:32Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:38:33Speaker 06

  And like, I'm not gonna get off of that.

• 1:38:34Speaker 05

  You have a lot going on, Farah.

• 1:38:36Speaker 06

  And I always think I need to. Yeah.

• 1:38:39Speaker 05

  Yeah. You have a lot going on, a lot going on.

• 1:38:41Speaker 06

  I'd rather serve people and give back. That really makes my heart happy.

• 1:38:46Speaker 05

  Okay. Final question.

• 1:38:49Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:38:49Speaker 05

  Final question. Everyone gets this question.

• 1:38:52Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:38:52Speaker 05

  Okay. You've had some incredible conversations in your life.

• 1:38:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:39:00Speaker 05

  Which one stands out as the most memorable? Who was it with? And what did you learn?

• 1:39:07Speaker 06

  I think I learned a big lesson when I had my last in-person conversation with my grandfather, who wanted to choose to die in a hospital. And the nurse was calling me and saying, is he married? Is he not? You need to come here. And she knew me, obviously, I, because of high school. She knew me from high school. She knew that this was my grandfather. I come in, I say, hey, the nurse is saying that you're not taking your medicine. You don't want your painkillers. You want to die. So I'm going to respect that. If you tell me to my face that that is what you want, I'm not going to keep calling up here, saying the opposite and working against you. I'm not going to do that.

• 1:39:52Speaker 06

  And if that is how you feel, like, I think this was just so big of me because it was hard for my emotions and just not knowing what was going on. But I just had to say, because he just looked at me like, no, that's how I feel. Yeah, that is how, like, he felt like he was protecting death. Like, I want to die. No one's letting me die. And I'm like, well, why do you want to die, grandpa? Because I'm just like, you know, Sophia's little, she's running around. He helps watch her sometimes. And he's just like, for what? Why live for what? And I think I had learned at that point, you can love someone. He advocated for me in my life.

• 1:40:37Speaker 06

  Like, I feel like I'm here because of him. And he does not want to continue on. And it's not, everything is lesser than. It's just, he hasn't found his reason to continue on. And I don't need to work against someone on their last days. And so I hugged him. I said, I hear you. And I just wanted to say, thank you for everything that you, I think it's going to bring me to tears, but thank you for everything that you've done for me. Thank you for shielding me from abuse when I needed it. Thank you for picking me up. Thank you for taking me home with Sophia. Just thank you.

• 1:41:22Speaker 06

  And I think that is all I can do when someone wants to check out. And I have to respectfully detach.

• 1:41:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:41:31Speaker 06

  And that is the last time I hugged him, the last time I ever talked to him, like, really directly about anything. And then literally, Sophia and I did call him on his birthday because my mom, my mom wasn't respecting that he wanted to die. And so my mom's over there on his birthday. And she's like, I'm singing happy birthday to grandpa and I want you to just sing it with and all this stuff. And I just said, hey, grandpa, happy birthday from Sophia and I. Remember, I have already hugged you. I've already given you love. I respect your choice and I love you. And I don't want you to think like I'm disrespecting you, but happy birthday and I still love you. He said, love you?

• 1:42:14Speaker 06

  And he literally died the next day. And so I just know, like, that is so important to kind of have your peace with someone who has made the world, the world to you. I think that has been a very hard lesson in my life, is let other people make their choices. I don't know why that's so huge right now. I'll have to figure that out later, but it's been pivotal for me. I'm so cried, I'm so full of joy right now. It's like, I don't even know. I get overwhelmed.

• 1:42:47Speaker 05

  No. This is one where you don't have to apologize. I, I like you in this zone.

• 1:42:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:42:53Speaker 05

  I do.

• 1:42:54Speaker 06

  And I feel light.

• 1:42:55Speaker 05

  Yes, because I think you've been incredibly reflective. And not only have you talked about these moments in your life, but you've brought us literally back to the moment with you. I feel like I've, I've, I've, I've lived, you know, part, part of your life.

• 1:43:10Speaker 06

  Yeah, there are beautiful moments.

• 1:43:12Speaker 05

  Yes, yes. Farrah Abraham, I appreciate it.

• 1:43:16Speaker 06

  I appreciate you. And thank you for all these beautiful memories and this wonderful, like, a blessing of an interview. So thank you. I'm happy you're doing your podcast, your show. This is like, one of the best, if not the best, probably. I shouldn't, you know? Don't want to take anyone else's award away, but one of the best, if not the best, you know?

• 1:43:39Speaker 05

  See, that's why.

• 1:43:40Speaker 06

  Wing, snudges, you know? Don't hurt people's feelings.

• 1:43:43Speaker 05

  That's why you're going to win mayor, because you're a great politician already. I see it. I see it. I see it.

• 1:43:48Speaker 06

  Thank you for the compliment.

• 1:43:50Speaker 05

  But, but, but truly though, I truly, I really appreciate you letting us in. And I'm going to give you all of these gifts.

• 1:43:56Speaker 06

  Yes, I'm going to steal that letter if you don't give it to me.

• 1:43:58Speaker 05

  Oh, no, no, no, no.

• 1:44:00Speaker 06

  I'm like, that's my daughter's letter.

• 1:44:02Speaker 05

  You, you have the letter. Let me put this back in there for you.

• 1:44:05Speaker 06

  Oh, my God, what a gift.

• 1:44:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, she, she, she.

• 1:44:08Speaker 06

  I'm going to sleep with that next to my pillow tonight. I'm going to hug it.

• 1:44:12Speaker 05

  Really? You know, I like you framing it. I like that idea.

• 1:44:16Speaker 06

  Yeah, I do. I like to just frame really good, meaningful things.

• 1:44:21Speaker 05

  Man, Farrah Abraham. She's like a controlled tornado. You could see how losing Derek, her first love, the father to her child, how that has stayed with her through today. And I think it's important for us not to look at grief or the healing of grief as a one-off moment. It doesn't just happen. It's a process. Or should I say, it's more of a continuum. It, it never ends. And she's proof of that. And I, and I like how she acknowledges that. I was aware that she felt ostracized by her family,

• 1:45:05Speaker 05

  but I didn't realize that part of that was because she literally felt as if she looked different. And, and you know, it honestly, it, it, it touches me personally because in my family, it's interesting. I was much, I am, much darker complexion than my parents and my brother. And so that was something I dealt with, to the point where people would say, like, where did this guy come from? You know? And so I really, I resonated with, with that. Oh, wow, she's, she's had some dates. I like where Farrah is now, as far as I'm just looking for someone to do nothing with.

• 1:45:49Speaker 05

  You know, it shows that she's moved on from a place of appreciating these grandiose acts that truly mean nothing.

• 1:45:58Speaker 02

  This fire starts coming now closer. I'm like, do I die? Do I stay? Now I'm watching my actual house burn to the ground on the security cameras. Growing up around just A-list movie stars. I wanted to be rich. Jonah Hill was in my class with Kate Hudson, the Jack Black.

• 1:46:19Speaker 05

  How in the world do you then get on the hills? Oh, my God, really?

• 1:46:24Speaker 02

  You're making me cry right now. Seven, you're making yourself cry. I thought I was the puppet master, but I was just full puppet. I remember once a car goes by and girls are screaming, [BLEEP]. Yeah, flicking, I was like, oh, wow. But at the time, I was like, dang, I'm so famous. I was like.

• 1:46:41Speaker 05

  Can we talk about your relationship with Heidi?

• 1:46:43Speaker 02

  I wouldn't be married if it was not Heidi. I was going to be a player. That was the plan. But at the same time, I know somebody reached out, wanted to like give Heidi and I our own show. And I sabotaged that.

• 1:46:57Speaker 05

  Why?

• 1:46:58Speaker 02

  It was January 7th. I see the fire so far away up in the mountains. I'm like, oh, we are so good. They're going to come with the planes and the water, but I don't realize nobody's coming.

• 1:47:12Speaker 05

  This is what has inspired you to run for mayor?

• 1:47:15Speaker 02

  100%. I am winning mayor of L.A.

• 1:47:23Speaker 00

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