Pete Wicks On Male Loneliness "I Don't Feel Like I’m Enough”

In honour of Loneliness Awareness Week 2026, we explore loneliness, grief and men’s mental health through Pete Wicks’ honest conversation with Paul. Pete opens up about being an “outgoing loner,” losing his nan, learning to accept help, and the private battles people often hide behind a public image. This episode looks at why loneliness can still exist when you’re surrounded by people, and why admitting you need support can be the first step towards finding peace. Remember you're not alone. If you're looking for support, we’ve included links to resources below: Samaritans: https://linkly.link/2kE85 MIND: https://linkly.link/2dx8b CALM: https://linkly.link/2dx8H (00:00) Intro (00:32) Paul and Pete Talk About the Loneliness Epidemic Among Men (04:38) What's on Pete's Horizon? (06:43) What Made Pete Realise He Needed Help? (11:20) The Loss of Pete's Grandmother and Its Effect on Him (14:01) Paul Shares His Affirmations for Pete Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Welcome to We're Talking. This loneliness awareness week, we're joined by Pete Wicks to talk about the loneliness so many men carry. Pete opens up about being an outgoing loner and how losing his nan forced him to confront the pain he had spent years shutting down.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  You know, we're in a day and age, and I've heard you speak about this, write about this, where we are in a loneliness epidemic, in particular, men. You know, in the research I was doing for this is, you have 27% of men say they have no close friends, right? You have many men saying that they have no one that they feel as if they can turn to to support them. So, and what's interesting is that you have those stats. Then you have Pete Wicks over here, who has said that he, you are, what, an outgoing loner? Is that it? An outgoing loner?

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:01Speaker 00

  Yeah. But yet, you still have the friendship circles.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04Speaker 00

  And that's critically important, I think, to our success and our mental health.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, massively. There's the Pete that is on TV, which is still Pete, and it's still me. I've always done everything as me, right, wrong, or whatever else. But then there's the very private me that my friends know and the people who know me not on a camera know. And that is, I mean, really, the difference between those two people, despite the fact that they're kind of the same, is that the one that is off-screen is soft as shit. But the impression that I gave across was I was, you know, pretty hard, miserable, it couldn't really affect me type thing, because it became a lot easier for people to hate that person than it did for people to hate the kind of real me that was a bit more vulnerable. So, the real Pete is vulnerable.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Fuck her.

• 1:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  Real people's vulnerable. You know, I wrote the book last year and that was kind of a cathartic experience for me. But it wasn't a self-help book and it wasn't giving advice to people because I don't know what I'm fucking talking about. But it's my experiences that are maybe relatable to people and the amount of people that message me just saying it helped because someone else could explain how I feel. And all I did was explain how I feel. I I I tried to put, because I think that's the biggest problem with men is that we we feel things. And it's not just men, it's not gender specific, but I think men probably struggle more with it. Is that we feel things, but we don't really understand why we feel it.

• 2:35Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 2:35Speaker 01

  Or how we can look past that. So we tend to just bury stuff. We don't want to talk to anyone about it. We don't really want to do anything about it and just hope it goes away. And when it doesn't go away, it becomes a fucking huge problem, right? Actually, if you dealt with it, you know, in bite-sized pieces, we may not have got to a point where, you know, male suicide rates in the UK are fucking astronomical, right?

• 3:00Speaker 00

  No, no, no, number one source of death for men under the age of fifty.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Suicide. And and what a horrific and sad statistic that is. Number one is people taking their own life, right? That's not through disease, that's people taking their own life. And, you know, with my mum and everything else, it's a touchy subject for me. And I I don't know what the answer to mental health is. I don't think, you know, a lot of people do because there isn't a one-size-fits-all because we all think differently. We all feel differently and mental health can be such a lonely place. Your head can become a prison.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  But there are so many different things out there. It's about finding the right thing for you. You know, people talk about therapy and that is amazing. Therapy has helped so many people that I know, but it doesn't always work for everyone, right? But there are other different things that you can look at. And I think the one people that, the one thing people need to do before they start working themselves is work out that they they do need help and admit that they need help. And I never did that. I said, I'll do everything on my own. I'll do everything on my own. And when I lost my nan, I realised I needed help. And.

• 4:16Speaker 01

  I still don't know what that is, but I've accepted the fact that I need something because otherwise, things are gonna get bad. And I think that's the first thing that people have to start doing. And you know, the book wasn't about telling people what to do. He was about going, take a minute and work out. Do you need help? And if you do, where can you get it? Yes, you know, yes. I kind of have felt lost for years, probably twenty years of doing this and doing my best at everything I can, but not knowing really what I'm doing or where I'm doing it or why I'm doing it or not really understanding everything and being confused. And one thing I would really love to have is a bit of peace of mind. And I think without peace of mind, it's a struggle. Yes.

• 5:01Speaker 01

  So that's what the horizon is for me is finding peace of mind, whatever that looks like, but doing it my way. Yes.

• 5:08Speaker 00

  As long as you're doing the work and you're surrounding yourself with people who love you, then it's going to happen for you. It's no doubt, it will. It's just a, it's a matter of time and everyone's time horizon is, is different on this. One thing that, that's always struck me about you is that you are vulnerable, I think with people that you respect.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 5:38Speaker 00

  And what I truly appreciated about this conversation, and it's interesting because I've seen you in so many different lights where you're super comical, like people don't realize how funny you are, like you're mad funny, you know, super comical. Sometimes you could be very, like you're quick witted as well. You're super sharp. So you're very good at, you know, like back in the day, we, yeah, we deflecting, right? Or we would call them like different jokes, right? But you're, you're great at all these things. But what I have seen here today is I think.

• 6:12Speaker 00

  At least for me, the Pete that I want to see more of.

• 6:17Speaker 00

  And this is you being honest and open about all of these places of your life and saying, you know what, I don't have it all figured out. And I'm still going through the pain, right? But I do need help. But I want to go back because you just said something that I have not heard you say. Maybe you have heard this, you said this before, but so you're saying that when your nan passed, that's when you realized I do need help.

• 6:45Speaker 00

  And I'm going to connect it back to an early part of the conversation is, why did you realize you need help?

• 6:54Speaker 01

  Because I have never felt so alone. And I think I've probably spent, you know, a lot of my life being surrounded by people. Being surrounded by people does not mean you're not lonely.

• 7:07Speaker 00

  Right.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  But the one thing that I could rely on and the one thing that was a safety net for me was my nan.

• 7:12Speaker 00

  Right.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  And then when that's kind of, when you have the kind of the rug pulled from underneath you, you're just laid on the bed floor and it's,

• 7:24Speaker 01

  it just made me think that even the reliance that I had on her being a safety net,

• 7:32Speaker 01

  I have to be my own safety net at some point. But also I have to allow other people to help me. Because I think initially when she died, I went straight into the shutdown. And I don't think I've grieved or processed it still because I shut down because I needed to. And, you know, even over the past couple of months, I'm probably sadder than I ever had been about it.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  But that's because I'm starting to open up rather than just shutting down.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  And, And a lot of that has come down to to me changing the way I look at things and becoming more vulnerable. And actually, the more vulnerable you become, the more you open yourself up to the feelings that you've repressed for for quite some time. And I, you know, it it yeah, it's tough because, you know, people lose grandparents, you know, it's it's, you know, one thing I fucking hate is is pity parties about anything. Um, it it it's it's it's a it's not the worst thing in the world to happen to, you know, anyone, but it's the worst thing in the world that's ever happened to me. Um, so, you know, there isn't one way of dealing with grief. Grief is is a completely unique experience for everyone, and I don't think I've grieved

• 8:47Speaker 01

  or processed it properly, but um, I am, I am, I'm starting to now, you know, three odd years on.

• 8:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  And that's a very weird feeling, but I think that's because I'm in a better position now than I was three years ago to be able to deal with it in a way that is not gonna be so detrimental as what it would have been three years ago. I protected myself, and now I'm stronger than I was then.

• 9:17Speaker 00

  And and I would argue, you probably have more people around you now offering to help.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I I've been so fortunate to have amazing people around me that have always offered help and I've always batted them away. And that's a really selfish thing to do, but I think it was a um, a way of defending myself from from actually having emotions, because without emotions and and and feeling numb, it seemed like a safer bet. And actually, all you're doing is ostracizing yourself from the people that that love you and and and you're deflecting away people's love and and how are you ever gonna feel loved if you don't allow it in?

• 9:59Speaker 00

  If you don't allow it in. You know what's also interesting about not feeling enough or having low self-worth, which is not feeling enough, is that what we end up doing is we end up then becoming the perfectionist. We end up becoming the people pleaser. We end up doing all of these things, and you know why we do it? You know why we do it? Because we get the validation from the public, and it's a bit of a charade that we play with the public, because we say, look how immaculately dressed I am, so therefore.

• 10:36Speaker 00

  Don't, don't look inside.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  Because what's outside is, is, is, is good. You know, look at me on all these television shows doing all this, right? Look, look how I helped. But don't look inside. Just don't look inside.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:51Speaker 00

  And, and I think the beauty is, is you're saying, you know what? You can, you can look inside now. Or you, you can begin to.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. You can have a sneak peek.

• 10:58Speaker 00

  Have a sneak peek. Yeah.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:59Speaker 00

  Sneak peek. Now.

• 11:03Speaker 00

  In the car, actually, coming over here. I was talking to, to, to, to my guys and I was like.

• 11:10Speaker 00

  What I find so. What, what, what I'm so sad about is that when you have someone who's always been your safety zone and they're no longer there for you.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 11:25Speaker 00

  Then who do you think you have? Think you have no one?

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 11:30Speaker 00

  So you become even more self-reliant. And if you're someone who's already started self-reliant, and this is you, right? Self-reliant. Then, then, then what does that do to your relationships? What does that do to your lifestyle? And, and I have some thoughts around this. But in, throughout this, Meghan, the press, the press saying that he's, you, you wrote it in your book, all these things, he's this, this, this, that, that, right? It feels like your nan was, that was the person who you would always go back to.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, hundred percent.

• 12:00Speaker 00

  And she knew that you were enough. She knew that you were enough. This is the, this is the part that I wanted to get to is that even at this point where you sit on the, do you feel like you're enough?

• 12:15Speaker 01

  No.

• 12:17Speaker 00

  Why?

• 12:29Speaker 01

  I think I am, since I lost my nan. I have reflected a lot on.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  All different parts of my life and I think part, part of the reason for doing that is, is because I felt like I was stagnating in a position where I was still lost and I was still confused and I'd been with, you know, since I was probably 12 for all these sorts of different reasons, which is why I've done so many different things and, and whatever else. And, and actually it got to the point where I thought when I lost my nan, I, I, I don't, I, I have no one. It's, it's just going to be me and I don't want that. Um, and part and parcel of doing the book and, and kind of where I am now is the fact that I don't feel like I'm enough. Um, and it's about understanding why I don't feel like I'm enough and, and kind of understanding

• 13:22Speaker 01

  myself better and, and, and, and kind of trying to work that out. And I still haven't managed to do that. I still haven't managed to work out why I feel that way. Um, and I still haven't managed to work out what will make me feel like I ever am. But let's say it's, it's a process. It's a process that, you know, I'm, I'm kind of in the middle of, but I've done so many things wrong and I've let so many people down. Um, but I, I don't know how to make that better. So, yeah.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  I have something that I believe can help you.

• 14:06Speaker 00

  I don't know if I've ever written a letter to anyone outside of my wife. I have this letter and the top part is for you to read on another occasion, but I want you to read this letter, the, the bottom piece of it.

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 14:25Speaker 00

  It was very good.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Now, yes.

• 14:27Speaker 02

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side, but Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid and risked 350,000 Virginians healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPact.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  You want me to read that bottom part? Yes.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  "I honor her by being kind to myself when I fall short, patient as I grow, and accepting of who I am with all my flaws. In this way, I keep her love alive. I am enough, just as I am."

• 15:48Speaker 00

  There's more, but do you know what this is?

• 15:59Speaker 00

  The reason why I wrote this for you is because your nan loved you regardless.

• 16:09Speaker 00

  This is what you said. "She loved you regardless."

• 16:13Speaker 00

  It didn't matter the success. It didn't matter the headline. It didn't matter what people said. She loved you because of you. And in particular, what I've noticed about you, and I think that we all need to, as just human beings, we need to talk more about how we feel about others. But in particular, when we talk about masculinity today, we have to talk more about men expressing their emotions to each other. And one thing that I do want to say, I want to make sure that this is loud and clear, is that I love you. I truly love you. And I've observed you for so many years. And I see that what you do for everyone else

• 16:56Speaker 00

  is that you are kind to everyone. You are supportive with everyone. And you are patient with everyone, with the exception of one person.

• 17:14Speaker 00

  You are kind. You are supportive. And you are patient for everyone. But who?

• 17:27Speaker 00

  I see people, the crew, on these, some of these reality shows, right, that we've done together. And I remember, we were in Dominican Republic, and I bought you like 50 shots.

• 17:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:44Speaker 00

  Right.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  I think we drank half of them.

• 17:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, we did.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  You did.

• 17:47Speaker 00

  We did.

• 17:47Speaker 01

  It was the one night that you said to me that you were gonna drink.

• 17:50Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 17:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  50 shots.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, you did drink.

• 17:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, we went for it.

• 17:56Speaker 00

  We did. And I remember looking around, because I'm a super people watcher, and I'm looking around, I'm like, I wonder, what is it about this guy Pete? What is it? What do people love about him? And it is because that, you know, you are supportive, kind and patient regardless of the person's class, of their race, of their ethnicity, of their gender. You are always that person. And that's what people love about you. That's what I love about you. And so, when I think about your nan, that's what she loved about you. And she saw that early. She saw that before everyone else. And so, how could you honor her?

• 18:39Speaker 00

  One way is the route that you're talking about, and that is, I need to figure out why I didn't do all these things in the past. I say, screw that. I say, instead, just say, every day, I'm going to be patient, supportive and kind to myself. And if you do that, that's honoring her to the highest. And that is what is going to allow you to be able to move from a place of not feeling enough or worthy to a place of, you know what? I am enough.

• 19:17Speaker 00

  So this is an affirmation that I would ask for you to do every day for the next 30 days, minimum. And it's hard to do this. I've done this exact thing. It's very hard. You could do it, because I know you're an overachiever, so you could do it all the way up to 90 days. But when you do this, what you do is you begin to literally reprogram yourself. Because, a question I have, and this is hard for me to ask it because I believe I know the answer, but I think we need to start at this place, is that, today, are you happy? No. Okay. I don't feel like you are, either.

• 20:02Speaker 00

  Right? You're pleasant, right? You come, you smile, right? But are you happy? I don't know if, I don't believe you are. You're right, you're not. But where does happiness come from? There's all types of formulas around happiness, but most people say it's a 40/10/50 rule, right? 40 of it is genetic. So, I'm Jamaican, Jamaicans are not happy. So, even though everyone, you always see the Jamaican smiling? No, go to Kingston, you'll see, we're not, we're not happy. So, it's like, but, but you, so 40% of it is genetic. 10% of it is circumstantial. It's like, okay, do I have money in my account? You know, am I going home to sleep in a house? Like, you know, do I have those things? Do I relatively have health? That's the 10%.

• 20:46Speaker 00

  But the 50%, the greatest percentage, is what we control. And how we control that is by doing the work. And this is the work, these exercises, to help us to understand and appreciate who we are and why we are. And so, this for me, is critically, critically important for you. Critically important.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  I am...

• 21:14Speaker 01

  I've never done anything like that before. Never done affirmations or anything like that. But I said to you at the start of this that I would be honest with you and do it a hundred. And for the first time in my life, I think you know if I say I'm gonna do, saying I'll do it. Yes, then I will do that. Yes, I will do that. Yes, I don't know what, you know, I'm quite skeptical about a lot of things. As you know, but I will do that because, because I trust you. And, you know, you said it to me and, and, you know, without this becoming some sort of weird loving. I, I, I love you as a person as well, you know. Over the, over the past, however many years that we've kind of known each other.

• 21:59Speaker 01

  You've always been someone that I've always felt easy or found it easy to talk to for different reasons. And people saw little bits on celebs go dating and then they're gonna see us sitting here. And of course you've nearly made me cry because you're a fucking prick. Um, but aside from that, we've spoken many times off camera. Um, and, and, um, so I will do that for you, but I will, I will do that for myself. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. All right. I feel it.

• 22:27Speaker 00

  And if you want to hear the full, unfiltered stories from today's guest, you can check them out on the We Need to Talk page. Drop a like, leave a comment and hit subscribe. See you next week.

• 22:54Speaker 02

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid and risked 350,000 Virginians healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPac.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.