Pod Insights We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson I Had £60 Left When I Met The Love Of My Life: We’re Talking Love Stories About this episode Lorna Luxe opens up about the love story she shared with her late husband, John - from meeting him by chance on a night out in Brighton to marrying him just a year and a half later. Lorna reflects on their 21-year age gap, why she trusted him instantly, the childhood experiences that shaped what she needed from love, and the moment she realised this relationship felt different to anything she had known before.
She speaks honestly about marriage, loyalty, emotional safety, grief, and why she would choose the same love story all over again.
We're Talking: Love Stories
(00:00) Intro
(00:32) How Lorna and John First Met
(03:02) How Their Relationship Quickly Developed
(08:38) What Friends and Family Really Thought About the Relationship
(10:32) The Truth About Age-Gap Relationships
(12:09) Inside Lorna and John’s Marriage
(16:39) The ‘Father Hunger’ Theory Explained
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0:29 Speaker 01 Welcome to We're Talking. In this episode, Lorna Lux shares the deeply personal story of her relationship with her late husband, John, from a chance meeting on a night out to a love that felt certain from the very beginning.
0:56 Speaker 01 Can we talk about John?
0:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
0:58 Speaker 01 Because there's so many, I mean, let's talk about how you met John. Because I saw a video with John describing how he met.
1:07 Speaker 02 Really?
1:07 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:08 Speaker 02 I must have seen this video.
1:09 Speaker 01 Yes, well, technically, you were in.
1:11 Speaker 02 Was I in it? Yeah.
1:12 Speaker 01 Yeah, you were in the video. But, but, but, meeting John, what was that moment when you met him? Because you were still at Virgin.
1:20 Speaker 02 Still at Virgin.
1:21 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:22 Speaker 02 And I'd done a four-night Antigua. And the crew, I really liked the crew on that trip. And I remember there was a guy on the crew. He was quite, he'd been there quite a long time. He was a bit older. And he was like, "Oh, I'll set you up with one of my mates. Like, you're gonna be fine. You don't need to date that sports guy." He, he was a cricketer, and this guy loved cricket.
1:41 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:41 Speaker 02 And so when I told him I'd split up with this guy, he was like, "Oh, well, he was rubbish at cricket anyway, so you're better off without him." And I thought, "I like you. You're a good guy." And so that Saturday, that weekend, when we got back from Antigua, me and a couple of the girls on that flight decided to go out in Brighton. And we went into a bar, and I spotted the guy that was on the flight. Not planned. He just happened to be there as well.
2:00 Speaker 01 Okay.
2:01 Speaker 02 And he was with John. That was his friend. And the story, as John says, is that he saw me walk in the bar and he was like, I couldn't like take my eyes off you. And so I said to my, my mate said he knew, he knew me. And so he said to Steve, can you introduce me to that girl? And so he said, yeah, come on, we'll go and chat to them. And I couldn't understand why this guy was just chat, talking at me. And he was going through a divorce. He was talking, a lot of trauma dumping and like really like uploading. I was like, oh my God. But very sweet. And then we went to a nightclub and they kind of hung on. We were like, we're gonna go to the club now. And they were like, okay, welcome. And I remember having about sixty quid left in my bank account. And I said to John and the other guys, I was, oh, can I get you a drink?
2:48 Speaker 02 And I don't think John heard what I said. So I just went and got them drinks. And then when I brought the drinks back, it was like forty quid. So I was like, I've only got twenty quid left now for the rest till Monday. And I remember him saying, oh, you didn't have to buy me a drink. And I was like, oh, no, I wanted to. And I think he was really touched by that. And so he said, can I have your number? And I was like, no, but I'll have yours. And then that very night when I got in, I texted him. And just, it was lovely to meet you. And that was kind of how we met.
3:20 Speaker 01 Look at that, look at that. And then what happened next? Cause I think that's the part in everyone's romance story that we want to hear. Cause that was beautiful.
3:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, that was cute.
3:29 Speaker 01 That was cute. That was, that was cute. That was cute. But then what happened next?
3:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
3:32 Speaker 01 How did, how does the relationship actually form?
3:35 Speaker 02 So he was quick on the texts.
3:39 Speaker 01 Okay.
3:39 Speaker 02 And so once he had my number, he asked me out on a date. He gave me options, which I now realise is a very John thing to do. It's not because he's not confident. He's just, you know, these, these are your options. So the, the text message was so long, it was like an essay.
3:55 Speaker 01 Okay.
3:55 Speaker 02 And I remember just replying back, Browns, seven P M. And that was it, kind of.
4:00 Speaker 01 Ah, so he gave you options, different restaurants?
4:02 Speaker 02 Yeah. And I was being cool and like, whatever. And I liked that he was over keen. And I remember I arrived early, but he'd already been there an hour waiting. And he'd got a bottle of wine, not a glass. And I liked that. I was like, this guy's confident. And he's older, he's twenty one years older. So he had an innate confidence about him that I just really was attracted to. And he was ki- very kind. I mean, that's the takeaway from anyone that meets John. He's just genuinely kind. And we just got into this rhythm of dating and every date we would always go back to his place for a nightcap. And I would never stay over, but when I left, there would always be a gift.
4:42 Speaker 02 He'd always gone to somewhere like he went to Space NK or he went to, you know, Loxitan or wherever and he'd always get me some kind of beauty or skincare goodies in a little bag.
4:51 Speaker 01 Wow.
4:52 Speaker 02 And this went on for weeks. And also, the cab back to his was eight quid from Kemp Town to Hove.
4:58 Speaker 01 Oh my goodness.
4:59 Speaker 02 But he always gave me twenty pound note when I got in the cab.
5:04 Speaker 02 And I, at first I just thought, oh yeah, I'm just dating this older guy. Like it's a bit of fun, like kind of thing. I'm not really, you know, it's not going to go anywhere. But slowly I really started to like him and I was like, well, actually I do quite like this guy. And this was obviously fresh off the back of me splitting up with my ex-boyfriend. So I was looking for somewhere new to live. And he was going through a divorce, so he was looking for somewhere to live. And so I would go house hunting with him and he was looking at these extravagant, beautiful places. And then he'd come with me looking for these rentals that were like really bad. And then one day he just said, why don't we just buy together and I'll get.
5:40 Speaker 01 Now, how long had you been seeing each other?
5:41 Speaker 02 We're talking three months.
5:42 Speaker 01 Three months, okay.
5:44 Speaker 02 And um, he was like, but I'll get my lawyer to put into writing that you can just, if you want to walk away at any moment, you can just take your money. And it's cool. I, I respect that. And any equity that's in the property. And I was like, this is a good deal. And his lawyer as well was a bit like, John, why are you doing this? And so we, so then that was it. So I remember. I expressly told him that when I bought my old flat with my ex-boyfriend. That that was my dream road. I loved that road and I was gutted that I was having to move out and move somewhere else. So he found um, a really beautiful apartment on this road. And he took me to see it and I was like, oh my God, this is amazing. And he was like, good, because I've just made an offer. Shall we buy it?
6:28 Speaker 02 And so he kind of bought my dream home.
6:31 Speaker 01 Wow.
6:32 Speaker 02 He wasn't, he wasn't playing games.
6:33 Speaker 01 I'd say he, he was not playing.
6:36 Speaker 02 He was like.
6:37 Speaker 01 Fellas, take notes. He was not playing.
6:39 Speaker 02 He wasn't. And he always says, like, I knew from the day I met you that you were, you were it for me. That I was never letting this one go. And he was just so determined.
6:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:48 Speaker 02 Which I really respect and admire. But for I think a lot of people, until my mum met him, she was worried. Like, she's listening to these stories down the phone. She's up in Manchester. And she's like, who's this guy? And like, I need to meet him. And then when she met him, she understood.
7:05 Speaker 01 Sure. But you know how, so it's interesting because I can empathize and sympathize with how John moved.
7:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:13 Speaker 01 Because I didn't have those resources, but that's how I moved with my wife.
7:16 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:16 Speaker 01 Very intentional, not playing around.
7:19 Speaker 02 No.
7:20 Speaker 01 Uh, I want to express how serious I am. And I felt like I was in love day one.
7:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:26 Speaker 01 You know, I feel like that's exactly where, where John was.
7:28 Speaker 02 Oh, he totally was.
7:29 Speaker 01 But for a lot of people, they'll enter a relationship with someone who is love bombing them. You know, it coming from a nefarious position. So how did you know what John, you know, what he was doing? How did you know that that was authentic? That it wasn't an act?
7:50 Speaker 02 I didn't give it too much thought. I just really trusted him straight away and felt very safe with him. His brother is epileptic and was, is a year older than him, but has pretty much lived in an institution or a care home since he's been a kid. And the care that he showed his brother, like blew my mind. And that empathy he has for his brother, I think has built, has made him into the man he is today. So he's got a naturally caring way about him.
8:20 Speaker 01 Okay.
8:20 Speaker 02 And always wanting to do, he'll do anything for anyone. He'll give any, anyone anything he's got. And I liked that because I, I really saw that was quite an admirable trait to have.
8:31 Speaker 01 Okay.
8:32 Speaker 02 And it made me feel good to be with someone like that.
8:35 Speaker 01 Yes.
8:36 Speaker 02 It was just really quite a nice person.
8:38 Speaker 01 I, I like that word that you used immediately. I felt safe with him.
8:42 Speaker 02 Yeah, I did.
8:43 Speaker 01 Yes.
8:43 Speaker 02 And he would just protect me from everything. And he, I felt like this guy is just gonna look after me. And this is a solid person.
8:54 Speaker 01 Yes.
8:55 Speaker 02 And, you know, we quickly got engaged and quickly got married.
9:00 Speaker 01 How long?
9:01 Speaker 02 I think in total, a year and a half from meeting to getting married.
9:04 Speaker 01 Okay, that is quick.
9:05 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:06 Speaker 01 That's quick. Were, were there concerns from any friends or family members at all?
9:13 Speaker 02 No.
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10:13 Speaker 02 I think, I didn't have massive family and everyone that had met him seemed to really like him. My friends,
10:21 Speaker 02 they were,
10:24 Speaker 02 they were just quite self-focused at that period. They were people that had their own lives going on, their own issues. Quite dramatic, had quite a dramatic group of friends. So they weren't really bothered. You know, they were looking forward to the party. The wedding was going to be good, right? So they liked, and also John was very generous, so, you know, they enjoyed being around John.
10:44 Speaker 01 Sure.
10:44 Speaker 02 You know, he'd pay for everyone's dinners and there was always champagne in our fridge. So it was always, you know, we were a good, a solid friendship to have.
10:52 Speaker 01 Yes.
10:53 Speaker 02 And, yeah, no one really expressed any concern. I think his, his dad a little bit did. And his dad's wife pretty much said to me, "You shouldn't do this. You're not thinking this through." She was kind of keen to dissuade me. And I think maybe that came from experience because she was married to his dad and she was the same age gap.
11:19 Speaker 01 Oh, 21 years.
11:20 Speaker 02 I think about that, yeah. So I think she was trying to say, "Look, you know, it's great, it's all hunky-dory now and you're 25 and he's 46. But wait until, you know, you're 60 and he's 80, there'll be a big difference."
11:31 Speaker 01 Yes.
11:32 Speaker 02 And that's what she was in. And I couldn't, I couldn't really understand that. And I still can't, to be honest.
11:38 Speaker 01 Yeah. You know what's so interesting about that is that there is research to suggest this, something like this. And what the research shows is that where you see a large age gap, so ten years or more in either direction, what you see is much high satisfaction or higher satisfaction in the early stages of the relationship.
12:00 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:00 Speaker 01 You know, it's not to say that the really, that the satisfaction level goes down, but it just goes to show that the satisfaction in the early stages is higher than if there's no age gap.
12:13 Speaker 02 I think because you're teaching each other things, right? And he said, I made him feel alive and there was excitement and, you know, I used to take him away on lots of trips. He loved my lifestyle and he in turn made me feel really safe, really cherished and loved. And genuinely gave me the breathing space to just, to try and figure out what I want to do with my life. And certainly, obviously, I was battling an eating disorder. But alongside that, I was also growing as a woman and growing in confidence and, you know, he encouraged all of that.
12:48 Speaker 01 Yes.
12:49 Speaker 02 And it wasn't, you can't do this or you can't, he just wanted to help me do whatever I wanted to do.
12:54 Speaker 01 Yes. But now, you were, so at that time, when you got married, how old were you?
12:59 Speaker 02 So I was twenty, I got married on my twenty-sixth birthday.
13:01 Speaker 01 Oh, wow, okay, okay. So you were twenty-six, so he was?
13:06 Speaker 02 Forty-seven.
13:07 Speaker 01 Forty-seven, all right, twenty-six, forty-seven. Now, at that point, were you online at that point or no?
13:15 Speaker 02 I was on Facebook.
13:16 Speaker 01 You were on Facebook. So, so there was no one saying, look at this age gap?
13:21 Speaker 02 No, there was no one.
13:21 Speaker 01 No one, okay.
13:22 Speaker 02 No one critical about that relationship.
13:25 Speaker 01 Okay. And you didn't feel, you felt like it was, it didn't matter because you're with someone who you love?
13:32 Speaker 02 I had reservations in terms of I'd never, other than my nan and grandad, I'd never really seen a marriage last. And I remember my bridesmaid saying to me outside the door before we went in, she said to me, well, at the end of the day, if it doesn't work out, you can just get divorced. And I was like, yeah, no, I'm not really worried. And in my head, and I've told John this before, that's how I approached it. I didn't see it as a lifelong commitment, the way he did. I saw it as a, well, this'll do for now, and it really suits me, and I really love him. But if that, things change, it's fine. And it's only as I've been married longer and longer, I recognize that actually, that was a stupid thing to think.
14:13 Speaker 01 That's interesting.
14:14 Speaker 02 And it doesn't make any sense.
14:16 Speaker 01 This is so interesting to me, because I believe that more and more people view marriage as you viewed it going in. And that is, is that this thing that we have is disposable. So we can walk into it, and we can walk out, right?
14:33 Speaker 02 It was like a mortgage. Harder to get out of a mortgage, in the way I looked at it.
14:38 Speaker 01 Yeah. But then there's other people, it sounds like this is how John thought. Is John, it sounds like he, his thought was, this is, this is it.
14:45 Speaker 02 Yeah, he did.
14:46 Speaker 01 Now, you mentioned that he had gone through a divorce, so he was married previously.
14:50 Speaker 02 Twice before, yeah.
14:51 Speaker 01 Twice before.
14:52 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:53 Speaker 01 So what was, so walking into this one, your thought is that he believed this was it. He was not, he was not going to be married again.
15:03 Speaker 02 I did, he always said to me, I've never been in love before. I promise you that. And I believe him. Or at least the love he experienced with me, he'd never felt before.
15:15 Speaker 02 So I never felt as though it was, you know, for him, he likes wedding cake, you know, it's just another jolly. I really did believe he was committed to me fully. And I liked that feeling.
15:25 Speaker 01 Yes.
15:26 Speaker 02 There's something really lovely about having loyalty, and that person that's never gonna drop, drop you. You know, I'm never gonna be chasing after John down the driveway. He's always gonna be there for me. And I I thought I could see how important that was, and that's what I needed.
15:43 Speaker 01 Yeah. You you just mentioned you'll never have to chase him down the driveway.
15:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:48 Speaker 01 Like you did your father.
15:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
15:49 Speaker 01 Do you see any connection between your father walking out when you were four? And your feeling of comfort with John being twenty one years
16:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
16:03 Speaker 01 older than you. Do you see any connection?
16:05 Speaker 02 I actually see more of a connection with with John and my granddad.
16:09 Speaker 01 Okay.
16:09 Speaker 02 Because my granddad was that saving person that cuddled me when everything was going wrong. And I would sit and eat, you know, rubbish food within the evenings and watch snooker and crap telly. So he was my comfort. And when I met John, I always thought, because granddad had died by the time I met John. But I always thought, you're a lot like my granddad. You've got a similar personality.
16:32 Speaker 01 Yes.
16:33 Speaker 02 Calm, like very stoic, very, you know, reliable and charismatic.
16:41 Speaker 01 Yes.
16:41 Speaker 02 You know, he was, he ticked all those boxes for me.
16:44 Speaker 01 Yes.
16:44 Speaker 02 And even my mum has said, I can see, you know, those similarities. And so I never, I never put him in the realm of my dad. If anything, my ex boyfriend was reminded me of my dad. There definitely must be daddy issues going on here, but I've I've always kind of like kept them away from John because I don't want to spoil.
17:06 Speaker 01 What you have.
17:07 Speaker 02 What I have, because we've had it so long as well now.
17:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:10 Speaker 02 I don't want to ever think badly of John or because it won't be, it won't be him, it'll be me. But I don't want to tarnish what is a really good relationship.
17:18 Speaker 01 Yeah. No, I mean, clearly you have love.
17:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, oh yeah, we absolutely love each other to bits.
17:24 Speaker 01 You you you have love. And you know what's even interesting, too, is that, you know, I think that you could read a lot about someone based on the images that they post. Online.
17:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:37 Speaker 01 I truly do, even though we're all trying to present the best representation of ourselves. There, I think there's certain things that you could read into someone's profile.
17:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:47 Speaker 01 And it was, it's, it's interesting because my wife and I, we were going through yours. We did this long stalk of yours. And I said, you know, one thing is clear, she loves him.
17:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, of course.
17:57 Speaker 01 And he loves her.
17:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
17:59 Speaker 01 And I, and there, and that, there is no question.
18:01 Speaker 02 No, there isn't.
18:02 Speaker 01 There's no question. And, um, but I, but I, I, when I think about your story, I think there is a parallel between John and your father. And I'll tell you this is that there's a researcher, her name is Dr. Margot Main.
18:18 Speaker 02 Okay.
18:18 Speaker 01 She has a theory called father hunger.
18:22 Speaker 02 Oh, God, I know where this is going.
18:26 Speaker 01 Have you ever heard of this theory?
18:27 Speaker 02 I haven't, but just those two words together.
18:31 Speaker 01 Where do you think I'm going with this?
18:33 Speaker 02 That craving for the perfect dad, right?
18:37 Speaker 01 So it's not the craving for the perfect dad, but it is specifically when a father has abandoned their, his family.
18:48 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:48 Speaker 01 Typically before the age of what, five?
18:51 Speaker 02 Okay.
18:53 Speaker 01 The child craves safety.
18:58 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:58 Speaker 01 Emotional connection, stability. And if they, if, if, when the father leaves and that doesn't happen, they spend the rest of their life in search of that.
19:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:14 Speaker 01 And typically they end up meeting someone who's much older.
19:19 Speaker 02 Oh, God.
19:20 Speaker 01 Ten, fifteen, twenty-one years. And immediately what they see in that person is different. Cause there's other people that could see someone who's twenty years older and say, oh, look at this icky old man. You know, this perverted old man.
19:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:36 Speaker 01 But there's others that quickly see stability, safety.
19:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:43 Speaker 01 Structure.
19:45 Speaker 01 And I believe that's what you saw very quickly.
19:47 Speaker 02 I totally did.
19:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:49 Speaker 02 And I loved those things. I mean, obviously, I still like fancied him. He was a good looking guy. We had a lot in common.
19:55 Speaker 01 Yes.
19:56 Speaker 02 Like, we loved the same art. We loved the same jokes. Do you know what I mean? We finish each other's sentences. He has his own language that only I can understand. So there's that, but that a lot of that's built, right, over time? But there was an initial moment of, yeah, I felt immediately, this is perfect. This is what I need right now. Because it's not been the best couple of years.
20:19 Speaker 02 Um, but I would do that all over again. Like, that's one relationship that I would, you know what I mean? If I was given lots of different avenues, I would always do the same thing.
20:28 Speaker 01 Yes. Why not? I mean, it goes to show that when we go through trauma in our lives, that there are, there's a silver lining cloud to it.
20:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:39 Speaker 01 There's a blessing that could come from it. And the blessing for you was that you've met the love of your life.
20:46 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:46 Speaker 01 You know, who you may not have maybe formed as quick a connection with if it wasn't for that trauma.
20:54 Speaker 02 True.
20:56 Speaker 01 And if you want to hear the full, unfiltered stories from today's guest, you can check them out on the We Need to Talk page. Drop a like, leave a comment, and hit subscribe. See you next week.
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