Just Us w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril | We Might Be Drunk Podcast

No guest this week, but Mark and Sam cover Christmas Eve birthdays, a Brooklyn date night derailed by $40 deviled eggs, and a bodega that won’t let you pet the cats. Plus, Mark nearly misses his flight to Portland, the guys get into the Maria Bamford documentary, and they punch up a new bit about how having a baby turns marriage into a hostage negotiation. Sponsored by: Get $125 off select Whisker Litter-Robot bundleshttps://whisker.com/WMBD Try Quo for free and get 20% off your first six monthshttps://quo.com/WMBD Download Underdog to play Keep Your Million. Explore personalized treatment options with Himshttps://hims.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBDMerch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/ticketsMark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com@GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #Whisker #Quo #Underdog #Hims #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Holy hell. Look at this. We're both here on a Thursday. When does that happen?

• 0:10Sam Morril?

  This is rare, dude.

• 0:11Mark Normand?

  This is rare. I'm usually, I take one weekend off a month now. That's my move.

• 0:15Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 0:16Mark Normand?

  Cause of a child.

• 0:17Sam Morril?

  Second kid. What are you looking at?

• 0:19Mark Normand?

  Well, second kid's coming in Christmas. By the way, Adam Ray and me having a kid the same day.

• 0:24Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 0:24Mark Normand?

  Which is crazy.

• 0:25Sam Morril?

  On Christmas?

• 0:26Mark Normand?

  Christmas Eve is the date.

• 0:27Sam Morril?

  It's a bad birthday.

• 0:28Mark Normand?

  Bad birthday. Yeah, I know. What about if you're Jewish, though? Cause then-

• 0:33Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, I guess you get to celebrate Christmas.

• 0:35Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's true.

• 0:36Sam Morril?

  You get your thing.

• 0:37Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 0:38Sam Morril?

  I just think holiday birthdays are annoying.

• 0:40Mark Normand?

  I agree.

• 0:40Sam Morril?

  Cause no one wants to celebrate you.

• 0:42Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 0:43Sam Morril?

  It's like having a Thanksgiving birthday.

• 0:44Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 0:45Sam Morril?

  Or god forbid, a fucking New Year's Eve birthday.

• 0:47Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 0:48Sam Morril?

  Just for a kid. No adult wants to, no reasonable adult wants to celebrate their birthday.

• 0:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, male.

• 0:54Sam Morril?

  Male.

• 0:54Mark Normand?

  Yes, women make it a week.

• 0:56Sam Morril?

  Oh my god.

• 0:57Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. It's a nightmare.

• 0:58Sam Morril?

  Even cool women will surprise you.

• 1:00Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:01Sam Morril?

  They'll be like, we're doing this for my birthday. And you're like, it's been a week. It's been a fucking week.

• 1:06Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. And then you don't do, one time I didn't do something for my wife, a week later, and she's like, "It's my birthday week. You're gonna bail on me on this?" I'm like, "We did a week." "We did a full week and now you're mad about the eighth day? I'm not doing, you can't use the birthday week on this."

• 1:20Sam Morril?

  Oh god.

• 1:21Mark Normand?

  Hey, I'm having a cocktail here.

• 1:23Sam Morril?

  I have an old, yeah, a little pineapple in there too, isn't it?

• 1:25Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, nice little kick. Mmm.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  So there's a nice moment for a podcast out in Portland or wherever, that there's a guy having like a little like, you know when people go up in trees and protest stuff?

• 1:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  He's doing something where he's drinking a beer every episode. Every time you don't have a drink, he has a beer. I described that poorly.

• 1:47Mark Normand?

  Somebody wrote in and said this?

• 1:48Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:49Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:49Sam Morril?

  He climbs a tree.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  No, no, I'm sorry. His personal protest. Instead of climbing a tree, is every time you guys have not had a drink on this show, he drinks a whole beer during the episode.

• 2:00Sam Morril?

  Oh, that big a protest.

• 2:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:03Sam Morril?

  One beer?

• 2:04Speaker 02

  No, he's up to five.

• 2:05Sam Morril?

  He's up to five beers?

• 2:05Speaker 02

  He has to do five beers.

• 2:07Sam Morril?

  Oh, so it adds for each week?

• 2:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:08Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 2:09Speaker 02

  So now it ends because you guys are having a cocktail.

• 2:12Mark Normand?

  You're welcome, sir. You can stop drinking and driving.

• 2:16Sam Morril?

  The climbing of the tree during the protest, that was an old sandbit.

• 2:19Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, that's right.

• 2:20Sam Morril?

  It was a bit of mine, Black Lives Matter, where they're like, every protest, there's a guy who climbs a tree.

• 2:24Mark Normand?

  That's right.

• 2:25Sam Morril?

  And you hear civil rights people being like, "There weren't this many white people in my day." I'm like, "But did you look up?" That was a line. It was a fun bit.

• 2:31Mark Normand?

  There is always a guy hanging on something.

• 2:33Sam Morril?

  Well, any gathering, they have to climb.

• 2:35Mark Normand?

  Yes, the Knicks winning, whatever.

• 2:37Sam Morril?

  But you're like, and it's always do, you're like, someone's gonna get hurt.

• 2:40Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Did you ever see that white chick climbing and the black girl pulled her down?

• 2:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was hilarious.

• 2:46Mark Normand?

  Wow, that was wild.

• 2:48Sam Morril?

  It's also a hilarious way to get paralyzed. How do you lose the use of your legs? The Knicks won.

• 2:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right?

• 2:58Sam Morril?

  Any crowded group, you just get dumber and dumber.

• 3:01Mark Normand?

  That's so true.

• 3:02Sam Morril?

  The more people that show up, the IQ, the collective IQ starts to drop.

• 3:05Mark Normand?

  That's true. I mean, there's quotes about it. What is it? You put the ass in masses, or if you're going the same way as everyone else, you're the, I can't remember.

• 3:12Sam Morril?

  The second Salke's walked in, the podcast got dumber.

• 3:16Mark Normand?

  There it is. I mean, this is-

• 3:18Sam Morril?

  This is great.

• 3:19Mark Normand?

  Old as shit, but-

• 3:23Sam Morril?

  Oh, and there's a recap.

• 3:24Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 3:25Sam Morril?

  Can I say peeve? These reaction videos? These, well, she's doing a recap here, but anyone who's just like, their whole video is just like, something in the news and someone's like,

• 3:36Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 3:37Sam Morril?

  This shit, fuck this shit.

• 3:39Mark Normand?

  And then it gets a million views and you're like, "You have no talent."

• 3:41Sam Morril?

  And the thing you were shitting on was better than you.

• 3:43Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 3:45Sam Morril?

  But the reaction, people like the reaction.

• 3:46Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. The clicks, any way you can get them.

• 3:50Speaker 02

  How about the one where the guy just points to it, points to the picture of the thing?

• 3:52Mark Normand?

  Yes. Crazy, huh? Here, where are my view counts?

• 3:58Sam Morril?

  Even this in a photo.

• 3:59Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 4:00Sam Morril?

  Even the point in a photo, we see the person.

• 4:01Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 4:02Sam Morril?

  We don't need the point.

• 4:03Mark Normand?

  Right. Enough's enough. Oh geez, she really attacked this person.

• 4:08Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 4:09Mark Normand?

  Oh my lord.

• 4:10Sam Morril?

  She can fight.

• 4:11Mark Normand?

  Okay, this is maybe a little egregious.

• 4:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, yeah, this is, what the hell is going on here?

• 4:16Mark Normand?

  This is a, that's appalling.

• 4:19Sam Morril?

  Women are fucking-

• 4:20Mark Normand?

  Women are fighting.

• 4:21Sam Morril?

  They fight.

• 4:21Mark Normand?

  Women be fighting.

• 4:22Sam Morril?

  The hair pulling is, they know that that's the thing that's the most important to them.

• 4:27Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly.

• 4:28Sam Morril?

  Like a dude pulled my hair, I'd just be like, "What are you doing?"

• 4:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 4:32Sam Morril?

  But like a porn woman's there, you're like, "That fucker, that sucks."

• 4:34Mark Normand?

  It works, and then it pulls you down. It's like a, it's a good move.

• 4:37Sam Morril?

  Well, you don't want a bald spot if you're a woman.

• 4:38Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 4:39Sam Morril?

  If you're a guy, you're like, "I could work around this."

• 4:42Mark Normand?

  I wonder if one woman has ever come? Well, cause every lady in the bedroom's like, "Pull my hair, pull my hair." So at some point during a fight, one lady's gotta be, her wires are gonna get her.

• 4:51Sam Morril?

  I think you gotta be like penetrating them.

• 4:52Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright.

• 4:53Sam Morril?

  Same goes for choking, Mark.

• 4:55Mark Normand?

  Good point, good point.

• 4:57Sam Morril?

  They don't ask you to.

• 4:58Mark Normand?

  It's gotta be a split second. Like that joke you had about the girl who was crying and you hugged her and you got a boner?

• 5:03Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah.

• 5:04Mark Normand?

  You still got the boner.

• 5:05Sam Morril?

  Old school, old school joke.

• 5:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:06Sam Morril?

  It did. Yeah, muscle memory is a bitch, dude.

• 5:10Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 5:11Sam Morril?

  My dick was saying, "One last ride, dude." Right before the breakup.

• 5:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:15Sam Morril?

  Going for the road.

• 5:15Mark Normand?

  The dick has zero remorse. It's just one gear, you know?

• 5:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's, it's calmed down a bit, thank god.

• 5:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:22Sam Morril?

  But you still-

• 5:23Mark Normand?

  I've gotten boners at funerals. It happens, you know? It just, they open casket.

• 5:27Sam Morril?

  Some dead bodies are hard, man.

• 5:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right. It happens.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  What's your new joke about getting a boner on a school bus when you were 14?

• 5:34Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, well, when you were a kid, you get a boner on a school bus and you're like, "This is horrible." Now if I get a boner on a school bus, I'm like, "This is horrible."

• 5:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:41Mark Normand?

  So, boners can change. Yeah, different horrible. Exactly. It's location.

• 5:45Sam Morril?

  Embarrassed is better, yeah. Embarrassed is better than predator.

• 5:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:50Sam Morril?

  You have a joke I'm working on about like, I know one about, you know, how I'm like, I'm against AI, but like, I'll ask Claude questions. I'm against Amazon, but I'll order Amazon. I'm against killing animals, but I eat animals. I'm against pedophilia, and that's where I draw the line.

• 6:07Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 6:08Sam Morril?

  Turns out that's the only thing I'm against.

• 6:10Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 6:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 6:12Mark Normand?

  Speaking of that, did we watch the Maria Bamford doc?

• 6:15Sam Morril?

  I have not. There's too many docs.

• 6:16Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 6:17Sam Morril?

  Too many, how many? I can't see a doc on everything.

• 6:19Mark Normand?

  There's a new doc every week.

• 6:21Sam Morril?

  And there's so many comedy docs. I live comedy. I can't, I love Maria Bamford. I should watch it.

• 6:25Mark Normand?

  And then we're like, we're down to Martin Mull.

• 6:28Sam Morril?

  I heard it's great, though.

• 6:29Mark Normand?

  It's really good. It's better than the Norm doc, by the way.

• 6:31Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 6:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's way more insightful, great history, amazing career. I had no idea.

• 6:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 6:37Mark Normand?

  So I watched it and I liked it. And Martin Mull's funny, but-

• 6:40Sam Morril?

  How do you do it?

• 6:41Mark Normand?

  I like docs. I'm a doc head.

• 6:43Sam Morril?

  I like nurses. Oh my, Rick Glassman? What I want to say, let me blow my head off. Someone animate me blowing my head off.

• 6:53Mark Normand?

  That's true. He'd probably spend $600 on that animation.

• 6:56Sam Morril?

  By the way, here's a peeve. I just did Rick's pod. Every clip that he tries to collab me in is him just shitting on me. I'm gonna share this shit.

• 7:05Mark Normand?

  That's, that's not cool, Ricky.

• 7:08Sam Morril?

  I love Rick.

• 7:08Mark Normand?

  I know, he's funny.

• 7:09Sam Morril?

  We, yeah, I, I just watched this old ass weird art house movie that Bill Burr sent me a rec for called Medium Cool. Young Robert Forster, made by Haskell Wexler, who is, if you know the name, cinematographer for like all these great movies, did, um, Did, yeah, he did Days of Heaven for Terrence Malick. He did Mate One with John Sales, great movie. He did In the Heat of the Night. Was a cinematographer on that shit?

• 7:36Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 7:37Sam Morril?

  Lot of, lot of crazy movies.

• 7:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:39Sam Morril?

  But yeah, weird art house movie. It was, it's slow as hell. I don't know if I could give it a rec, but it's like, it's interesting. I think it was like, I read Ebert's review, like, maybe this will make me get it more, but it was more like, I was like, I guess it was like really innovative at its time.

• 7:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, I like the look already.

• 7:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it looks cool as fuck.

• 7:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good tone.

• 7:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Whoa.

• 7:58Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 7:58Sam Morril?

  It's got that darkness. It's got that like 80's darkness. This is, this is a different movie.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Oh, isn't that Medium Cool?

• 8:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, that is, right there. Yeah, yeah.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 8:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Robert Forster.

• 8:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, 69, wow.

• 8:08Sam Morril?

  Robert Forster from Jackie Brown.

• 8:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, look how young. Whoa.

• 8:12Sam Morril?

  Kinda looks like Josh Hartnett.

• 8:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 8:15Sam Morril?

  Or like Josh Brolin or something.

• 8:17Mark Normand?

  Brolin, for sure.

• 8:18Sam Morril?

  Brolin.

• 8:19Mark Normand?

  So what's the premise?

• 8:20Sam Morril?

  He hangs dong in it.

• 8:21Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 8:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 8:22Speaker 02

  I mean, look that up.

• 8:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, let's see what Forster's working with. Medium, cool?

• 8:28Mark Normand?

  What, what's the premise? What's the, the plot?

• 8:31Sam Morril?

  It's about the media. It's like, it doesn't, it's like an Altman movie where you're like, this take, like, let this cook. It's like, we don't know what's happening. And then there's a weird twist midway through. I'm not giving it a rec, but look it up if it's your cup of jizz.

• 8:45Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 8:46Sam Morril?

  You know, check it out.

• 8:46Mark Normand?

  Well, movies are in a weird place, cause the Snaaton Fielder doc is the biggest, uh-

• 8:50Sam Morril?

  I hear it's amazing.

• 8:51Mark Normand?

  I hear it's amazing too. It's the biggest movie in the world. It's sold out everywhere.

• 8:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I don't wanna sit in the handicap seat of the first row, so I haven't been able to see it in New York yet. It's impossible to get a ticket.

• 9:00Mark Normand?

  Well, List went and he said it was like, "Oh, there's a baby there. Oh, she's breastfeeding. Oh, there's a stroller there." He said he went to a baby showing, which I didn't know movies had.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  Speaking of baby showing, look at this penis.

• 9:09Mark Normand?

  Oh my god. Oh geez. This is horrifying. Poor women have to put up with us male bodies. Like, my god.

• 9:16Sam Morril?

  What is a baby? So you bring your baby?

• 9:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cause you can't get a sitter or something. So there's a showing just for parents.

• 9:23Sam Morril?

  The most annoying showing of a movie.

• 9:24Mark Normand?

  I know. He's like, "This is brutal."

• 9:26Sam Morril?

  I've never been on a flight and been like, "Can we get some more babies?" This is a baby flight.

• 9:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:31Sam Morril?

  Even the pilot's a baby.

• 9:32Mark Normand?

  Right, right. So yeah, he said it was kinda brutal, but he said he loved the movie. Saw it twice.

• 9:37Sam Morril?

  He told me it's unreal. He texted me about it already. Uh, yeah, I wanna see, I wanna see, I heard Wild Horse 9's unbelievable.

• 9:43Mark Normand?

  I heard that too.

• 9:44Sam Morril?

  I wanna see, I wanna see Digger, dude.

• 9:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I do too.

• 9:47Sam Morril?

  And I wanna see, what's the other one everyone saw? Oh, Primetime I wanna see.

• 9:51Mark Normand?

  I, I heard that was good as well.

• 9:53Sam Morril?

  Everyone's saying it's fucking great.

• 9:54Mark Normand?

  But yeah, like Backrooms, Obsession, movies are, you know-

• 9:57Sam Morril?

  It's a cool place.

• 9:58Mark Normand?

  It's a, yeah, it feels very arty.

• 10:00Sam Morril?

  I feel like we're finally cooking with ours too.

• 10:01Mark Normand?

  You got that right.

• 10:02Sam Morril?

  We'll see what's going down, but it looks like we got a new director. Hopefully we can announce that shortly, but-

• 10:06Mark Normand?

  Okay, I didn't know. We had a nice text with him last night. He was, he had a couple drinks. That was cool.

• 10:10Sam Morril?

  Talking some shit, I like it.

• 10:11Mark Normand?

  That was great.

• 10:12Sam Morril?

  Talking some, Knicks were playing the Bulls. He's a Chicago guy, so there's a hint there. But he was talking some shit, cause the Knicks beat the Bulls, as they should have, holy shit.

• 10:20Mark Normand?

  Well, he feel, we had an old director he, he had to bail out. And, but I feel like this new guy's more of a fit. He, he's one of us.

• 10:26Sam Morril?

  He's a pure comedian guy. The other guy's more of just, you know, not as straight up comedy.

• 10:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and he drinks. He's like a sports guy, you know, he does a little comedy, so he's a-

• 10:36Sam Morril?

  I'm pumped.

• 10:37Mark Normand?

  Perfect fit.

• 10:38Sam Morril?

  I got, I got a rec for you guys.

• 10:39Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 10:40Sam Morril?

  Weird one. Was in San Diego, just like strolling around town with, you know, Gary and Brian Cullen, my buddy who was filming, and we just stumbled into like an old comic shop. And I was like, oh, you know, let's just look. I was looking for comics for like my girlfriend's son.

• 10:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:54Sam Morril?

  But then I was like, there's all these adult graphic novels. I don't know any of these. Started strolling around, bought a couple, just like, yeah, I mean, you know, maybe someone to read on the way back. Dude, I read two, I read like, I've read like six in the last couple of weeks. Two I read, I gotta give high recs.

• 11:08Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 11:09Sam Morril?

  These are legit recs. Both by Brew Baker and Phillips, who are like, did like, famously did like Criminal. These are my two recs. Pulp? And the other one is called The Fade Out. Yeah.

• 11:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 11:20Sam Morril?

  Unreal, dude.

• 11:21Mark Normand?

  Is this a new pulp? Or an old pulp?

• 11:24Sam Morril?

  No, this came out like, probably ten years ago.

• 11:26Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 11:27Sam Morril?

  Dude, uh, this one, amazing. And the other one is called The Fade Out. It's like a weird Hollywood, uh, noir type thing.

• 11:34Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 11:35Sam Morril?

  During like, you know, with blacklisting and all this fucked up stuff and murder. It's awesome.

• 11:40Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 11:40Sam Morril?

  Beautiful pictures and stuff, but then like, the dialogue kicks ass. It's just, cool story, very, very.

• 11:45Mark Normand?

  Wow, it's a western.

• 11:47Sam Morril?

  This one is kind of a western.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  Uh, second one called?

• 11:50Sam Morril?

  Uh, The Fade Out. Both, big wrecks.

• 11:53Mark Normand?

  And you just picked these off the cover?

• 11:56Sam Morril?

  No, a guy wrecked, uh, these two to me.

• 11:59Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 12:00Sam Morril?

  But then I, I started with a different one, and then he was like, you should try those two.

• 12:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 12:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:04Mark Normand?

  That looks like a book. Now, is this for kids, or is this for?

• 12:06Sam Morril?

  No, definitely not for kids. There's nudity and shit.

• 12:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, fun.

• 12:11Sam Morril?

  There's sucking and fucking in these, baby.

• 12:12Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 12:14Sam Morril?

  I stopped halfway through, I had to rub one out.

• 12:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:16Sam Morril?

  Cartoon titties.

• 12:17Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 12:18Sam Morril?

  No, it's, it's cool ass, it's cool ass, uh, dialogue and stuff. I'm high rack.

• 12:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 12:23Sam Morril?

  Very cool.

• 12:24Mark Normand?

  When I was a kid, I lived in comic book stores. Comic book stores are like nerd record stores.

• 12:28Sam Morril?

  Dude, and there's like, uh, Holocaust stuff. It's dark. It's really cool.

• 12:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, cool.

• 12:33Sam Morril?

  It's really, really cool. Yeah, dude, like, what was your stuff when you were growing up?

• 12:35Mark Normand?

  I mean, I was, uh, just a kid, so it was all Batman, but, but then you got into like Bone. You remember Bone? Oh, look at Bone.

• 12:41Sam Morril?

  I don't know Bone.

• 12:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, Bone was dark and funny and weird, and, uh, yeah, you got into like, Gen X thirteen. There was all these kinda sexy ones. There's Bone. Bone was kind of like funny, weird, this, this weird character.

• 12:56Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 12:56Mark Normand?

  Um.

• 12:57Sam Morril?

  I liked like Spider-Man. That was the one. Just like, New York guy, struggling to make ends meet.

• 13:03Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 13:04Sam Morril?

  Loves his aunt.

• 13:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's in high school.

• 13:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah, got a, got a job that sucks, and you're like, like Batman's just like, rich.

• 13:10Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 13:12Sam Morril?

  I still thought Batman was cool. I just thought like Spider-Man was more just like, he's like, he had like good one liners and stuff.

• 13:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:18Sam Morril?

  He was fun.

• 13:19Mark Normand?

  No, yeah, Spider-Man was fun. I'm working on a bit now about how there's no Gen Z superheroes. They're all from the forties and the thirties and the sixties. And then you, could you have a Gen Z superhero?

• 13:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, like, what's your name? Women shouldn't vote man?

• 13:34Sam Morril?

  From a long time ago.

• 13:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, I call him Hero Maxing, is the name. But like, uh, Hero Maxing, the children hospital's on fire. He's like, ooh, it's my mental health day. I can't do it. I'll tweet about it. You know, and then he wouldn't even stop crying. So like, I don't wanna affect these marginalized areas, but, uh, he gets mad at people like, are you a Zionist? You know, like, it's all, it's all like.

• 13:54Sam Morril?

  Before I help you, I'm gonna have to do a background shit.

• 13:56Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 13:56Sam Morril?

  Which tweets have you liked? It's like, you know what it was like, uh, what's his name? Uh, Chappelle, fucking, I can't remember what's his name, Chappelle. The, the Chappelle bit about how Batman never went to dangerous neighborhoods.

• 14:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a great bit.

• 14:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, where did we park our Batmobile?

• 14:10Mark Normand?

  Where's the car again?

• 14:11Sam Morril?

  That was a great bit.

• 14:12Mark Normand?

  Or then how Wonder Woman had a lasso of truth, and the guy's like, nice tits. How great is that? He was fourteen when he wrote that.

• 14:20Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 14:20Mark Normand?

  He was a phenom.

• 14:21Sam Morril?

  Baby Chappelle, man.

• 14:22Mark Normand?

  Crazy, his mom had to drive him to the club.

• 14:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, those, uh, I, I never, and it's like, I'm just trying not to be closed minded. Like, I looked at it first, like, I had like a little, like, I read like Watchmen back in the day.

• 14:32Mark Normand?

  Watchmen, yes.

• 14:33Sam Morril?

  That was a really cool one. That's brilliant. But like, I remember being like, eh, I don't know if it's my thing, but then I, I was like, why am I, who cares?

• 14:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:41Sam Morril?

  And I gave it a shot, and I loved it, so.

• 14:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, Watchmen, they did a movie too, I think.

• 14:45Sam Morril?

  I, yeah, I heard it's cool. I heard, like visually, I remember seeing the trailer, being like, whoa, this looks like crazy.

• 14:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  They hang dong in that too.

• 14:52Sam Morril?

  Do they?

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Yep, the blue guy.

• 14:54Mark Normand?

  The blue guy. Ha, ha, blue balls.

• 14:57Sam Morril?

  You know what I think of every time, because it was Jeremy Irons, I think. You know what I think of every time I hear Jeremy Irons is, uh, Robert Smigel's story? That I think he told on this pod.

• 15:06Mark Normand?

  I don't remember.

• 15:06Sam Morril?

  So funny. Rob, uh, Jeremy Irons is hosting SNL, and he's just hating everything they're pitching at him. He's just like, this is, like, that's a horrible idea. And then he's like, no, that's bad, that's not good. And it goes on and on forever, and then he just pauses, he goes, I, I'm sorry, uh, it's just that I'm, I'm used to working with the best.

• 15:23Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 15:25Sam Morril?

  Like, he meant it sincerely.

• 15:26Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 15:26Sam Morril?

  He didn't mean it, that's even worse, that you mean it like, no, like, I work with Kubrick and stuff, I don't.

• 15:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 15:32Sam Morril?

  But that's so much meaner. I'm sorry, I'm just not used to working with dipshits.

• 15:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's like you can't get it up. You're like, sorry, I'm used to hot women. Sorry, man. Can't do it. So, I've been on these hair pills.

• 15:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 15:45Mark Normand?

  Me and the wife were, were full of it.

• 15:46Sam Morril?

  It looks like it's coming in well.

• 15:47Mark Normand?

  Thank you, thank you, it's getting there. And, uh, I mean, the wife, I couldn't get it up.

• 15:51Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 15:52Mark Normand?

  It was first time, and you know.

• 15:53Sam Morril?

  Did you blame her?

• 15:54Mark Normand?

  No, no. I couldn't.

• 15:56Sam Morril?

  She took us the pills, you know, it could be.

• 15:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but she is.

• 15:59Sam Morril?

  Could also be that we've been together eight, eight months.

• 16:00Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 16:01Sam Morril?

  Or eight years, whatever.

• 16:02Mark Normand?

  Well, she's pregnant, so she was like, it's cause I'm pregnant, da, da, da. I'm like, no, no, no, that, that's, you know, that's never been a problem before.

• 16:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's kinda hot too, cause the tits get bigger, right?

• 16:10Mark Normand?

  Tits are huge.

• 16:11Sam Morril?

  That's fun.

• 16:12Mark Normand?

  And, uh, and you can pretend she's someone else. But, uh, yeah, so I couldn't get up, and we were like laying there, she's like, let me blow you, so blowing me, nothing. And then, you know, once you get past a certain point of it not getting up, you're like, it's, I'm too in my head now, like, it's over. So I fucking threw the pills in the garbage, I called a doctor, da, da, da, and, uh, we banged last night, so I'm back.

• 16:34Sam Morril?

  You're back.

• 16:34Mark Normand?

  But, uh, that was a scary week.

• 16:36Sam Morril?

  Just when you thought you were out.

• 16:37Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 16:38Sam Morril?

  She pulled you back in. Well, my, my girlfriend said to me, she goes, uh, I heard that when you start sucking and all this stuff, and the guy doesn't get hard, it means he's not that in you anymore. But it could also just mean that he loves you.

• 16:50Mark Normand?

  For sure.

• 16:50Sam Morril?

  Cause it could just mean that we logged a lot of hours at this point.

• 16:54Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 16:54Sam Morril?

  So it could be a good thing that he doesn't always get immediately. Although I still get, I mean, I'm not there yet, I'm still.

• 16:59Mark Normand?

  That's a good, a good way to get out of that. I, I love you.

• 17:02Sam Morril?

  That's what I said, but, you know, she's let herself go significantly.

• 17:05Mark Normand?

  So I had all this, uh, it's called, uh, minoxidil, is what they give you. It helps your hair grow, but it fucks with your testosterone. So for like, two weeks, I had zero sex drive, which is a wild way to live. Well, you have no sex drive, you kinda have no reason to get up on the board.

• 17:19Sam Morril?

  It's funny that you, you're getting more hair but less testosterone.

• 17:22Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 17:22Sam Morril?

  You're kinda turning into a woman.

• 17:24Mark Normand?

  I'm on this, uh, gender-affirming care, as, uh, Matt Ruby would say.

• 17:29Sam Morril?

  I'll make sure to hold the door for you as we leave today.

• 17:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so, that was a weird week, cause you're just walking around like, birds are chirping, but nothing means anything. Good. It's like, food has no flavor. You see a hot girl walk by, you're like, I don't care.

• 17:42Sam Morril?

  It is weird when you are with someone who's like tweaking medication. I remember, I was, many, many years ago, McGooey's Comedy Club, I'm opening for Joe Matarice.

• 17:52Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 17:52Sam Morril?

  And we saw the movie Ides of March during the day.

• 17:55Mark Normand?

  Ryan Gosling.

• 17:56Sam Morril?

  Not, not, yeah, not a good movie.

• 17:57Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 17:57Sam Morril?

  Great cast. It's like Philip Seymour Hoffman, Clooney, uh.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  Twenty eleven.

• 18:02Mark Normand?

  Clooney.

• 18:03Sam Morril?

  It's not a good movie.

• 18:04Mark Normand?

  It looks like a good movie. Like, you see the box, and you go, that's a fucking Oscar winner.

• 18:08Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 18:08Mark Normand?

  Look, Giamatti.

• 18:09Sam Morril?

  Cause the cast is loaded, but, yeah.

• 18:11Mark Normand?

  It did good on Rotten Tomatoes.

• 18:12Sam Morril?

  Oh, did it? What is it?

• 18:13Mark Normand?

  Eighty-four.

• 18:14Sam Morril?

  Really? I didn't think, I didn't think it was a good movie.

• 18:16Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 18:17Sam Morril?

  But I remember, uh, I liked the cast a lot, but I remember, after the movie, he just, the really dark thing happens. It's like a really fucked up ending. And he turns to me, he's like, is it weird that I feel nothing? And I was like, yeah. Really fucking awful, that ending.

• 18:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:32Sam Morril?

  But, uh, he, he was tweaking meds.

• 18:34Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 18:35Sam Morril?

  So he just was like, I'm numb, I'm just numb now.

• 18:37Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's funny, you're like, yeah, you're a sociopath.

• 18:42Sam Morril?

  But also, it wasn't a great movie, so maybe, I don't know. But yeah, the tinkering with the meds, yeah, fuck.

• 18:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, and, and now everyone's on meds.

• 18:50Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 18:50Mark Normand?

  Which is kinda, it's kinda scary, yeah.

• 18:52Sam Morril?

  Well, you're becoming reliant, and you feel the second you get off it, you're like, oh my god, I'm like, even something like caffeine.

• 18:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:58Sam Morril?

  Don't drink, drink like one last coffee, and you're like, oh my god, I feel, like, I'm addicted to this shit.

• 19:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, completely. I'd say if you stop scrolling for a week, just stop like doom scrolling, you're, the whole world changes.

• 19:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:09Mark Normand?

  You're happier, you know, you notice things, birds chirping, kids laughing, you know, you're seeing things again. Like, you see the world in color.

• 19:17Sam Morril?

  You're so right. I mean, just more stuff to do that isn't aimless.

• 19:21Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 19:21Sam Morril?

  It's, it's what channel surfing used to be.

• 19:23Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 19:24Sam Morril?

  And that was like, that was annoying.

• 19:26Mark Normand?

  That was annoying.

• 19:27Sam Morril?

  That's why it's annoying when someone next to you is like flipping, cause like, it's like someone channel surfing next to you.

• 19:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:32Sam Morril?

  When you have someone else, a bad remote control holder, oh my god, it's insufferable.

• 19:36Mark Normand?

  The worst. You're like, let me look at that for a second. You might, it might be a good show, but you just blew past it.

• 19:40Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 19:40Mark Normand?

  But the scroll guy on the train, you're like, then he gets up, and he's walking with it, and he's going upstairs with it, and you're like, put it down for a second, man. You're going upstairs. Just go up the stairs. It's one flight.

• 19:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, sometimes, I like to listen to audiobooks when I walk, but sometimes I'm just like, let me just fucking take in what's around me.

• 19:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, raw dog the world.

• 19:58Sam Morril?

  Raw dog the world.

• 19:59Mark Normand?

  Which is how we used to live all the time.

• 20:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah, especially in like Times Square, which is where we are, which is like, there's so much stimulation.

• 20:06Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 20:07Sam Morril?

  Kind of wanna see what's happening sometimes.

• 20:08Mark Normand?

  The lights, this Elmo there, there was Batman there, there's a fistfight, there's a homeless guy, there's a guy, a hot girl, there's a couple making out, there's so much going on.

• 20:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, I was showing my girlfriend's son, like, he loves The Simpsons, so he just watches The Simpsons a lot. And I, I called his name a few times and he just doesn't, and I'm like, that's not good.

• 20:27Mark Normand?

  That's not good.

• 20:28Sam Morril?

  That's not good that he's that locked into it.

• 20:30Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 20:31Sam Morril?

  So I bought, I bought his shit a lot of books, I'm like, we're switching things off.

• 20:34Mark Normand?

  Good for you.

• 20:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:35Mark Normand?

  Cause you turn that TV off and you watch him spaz like a, like a mental patient or like a drug addict where they're like, ah, what are you doing?

• 20:43Sam Morril?

  It's your first taste.

• 20:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  First taste, you're getting a taste of being proxy dad.

• 20:48Sam Morril?

  I know, isn't that weird?

• 20:49Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 20:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's like the starter kit, man. I'm getting, I'm getting a little starter kit, yeah, it's good.

• 20:54Mark Normand?

  I was telling him, it's the best part, cause the, the diaper part's over, like the screaming, the crying, the feeding, now you're getting into like, good, fun, kid, boy, kid time.

• 21:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, no, it's fun, man, fun, got, got that little basketball hoop set up, got the, got the laser tag, got decked out with the stuff.

• 21:11Mark Normand?

  Laser tag, wow.

• 21:13Sam Morril?

  Dude, it's a good, problem is with kids, you just gotta like, you just gotta let them win.

• 21:18Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 21:19Sam Morril?

  So it's like, it's just, you're just like, ah, you wanna get, you're just kinda sitting there, same with like roughhousing, you know, it's like, you roughhouse, but then like, all right, let me chokeslam him a few times, let me powerbomb him, and then you're just like, all right, I, let me, let me fall over so he covers me, so he can, you know, rough him up and get the confidence up.

• 21:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:35Sam Morril?

  And then, but now I'm like, I'm building up his confidence too much, like he's gonna like, talk shit to like,

• 21:39Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:40Sam Morril?

  Talk shit to like the biggest kid in school.

• 21:42Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 21:43Sam Morril?

  He's, he's due to fall over. He's due to fall over at some point.

• 21:46Speaker 02

  Let me just put you in the DDT, kid.

• 21:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 21:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, what a dad, my dad wore a tie every day and a briefcase, and he was like, don't talk to me.

• 21:52Sam Morril?

  I know, same, my dad never wrestled with me.

• 21:54Mark Normand?

  No, no way.

• 21:55Sam Morril?

  Kids love that shit.

• 21:56Mark Normand?

  I know, I would've killed for a wrestle.

• 21:58Sam Morril?

  Good wrestle.

• 21:59Mark Normand?

  So diddle me, something.

• 22:00Sam Morril?

  You're gonna,

• 22:01Mark Normand?

  Give me something.

• 22:02Sam Morril?

  You'll wrestle with your kid.

• 22:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, I've, I've got him in a headlock all day long, I hang him upside down for like half the day. Guy's laughing, hung upside down, it's great.

• 22:10Sam Morril?

  Fun, yeah, it's cool.

• 22:12Mark Normand?

  But I was, I was gonna say about the scrolling, that's one thing interesting about us, we got to live half a life without this shit, and then all, the rest of your life with it, so we got, we got all the rare, you know, some Gen Z kid, it's all phone, you know, iPad.

• 22:28Sam Morril?

  Dude, try dating a woman like ten years younger than us, it's a different life.

• 22:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, completely.

• 22:33Sam Morril?

  They don't know what it's like to not be, like, at least our first phone was like, a Nokia, with like Snake, and all you could use it for was, like Snake was the big feature.

• 22:42Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 22:42Sam Morril?

  Remember that game Snake?

• 22:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:43Sam Morril?

  That was the big thing.

• 22:45Mark Normand?

  Remember T9? How long it would take to text? I mean, that was crazy.

• 22:49Sam Morril?

  Texting wasn't a part of your life.

• 22:50Mark Normand?

  No.

• 22:51Sam Morril?

  You called people.

• 22:52Mark Normand?

  You called people, and it was five cents sometimes to text.

• 22:54Sam Morril?

  Right, yeah, texts were like, like, now it's,

• 22:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, friends would text me, I'm like, what are you doing, man, I'm broke, don't text me.

• 23:01Sam Morril?

  God, remember the big one was like the sidecar?

• 23:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, the sidekick.

• 23:04Sam Morril?

  Sidekick or whatever, sidekick.

• 23:05Mark Normand?

  Sidekick, sidekick. Yeah, the razor, the sidekick.

• 23:08Sam Morril?

  Remember how impressed we were by those photos, and now you look at them, you're like, that's the worst looking, now it's like a joke on Instagram, you can do the old phone filter, and you're like, we, we thought this was good?

• 23:17Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 23:18Sam Morril?

  I mean, you're a photographer.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:20Sam Morril?

  But I mean, it's,

• 23:21Speaker 02

  I fucking love those pictures.

• 23:22Sam Morril?

  Do you?

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Back then I did, yeah, that was everything, being able to, it cost twenty-five cents to send a picture, a nickel for a text, twenty-five cents for a photo.

• 23:29Mark Normand?

  That's right, that's right.

• 23:30Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 23:31Mark Normand?

  That's a lot, that's a lot, that adds up.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  That adds up, so you had to use it sparingly.

• 23:34Sam Morril?

  That dick bit cost a quarter.

• 23:37Mark Normand?

  Should've been a nickel, I thought. Uh, but then, you know, it's crazy, the kids now, like, some kids have a, a brick phone, cause they're like, I'm pushing back, you know, and you're like, wow, that's a cool kid. But I want, that didn't happen before, like if some kid, you know, rode a, a horse, a pony to school, you're like, we all have cars. You know, it's the only thing where you go backwards and you look cool, you know, there's nobody in their thirties like, I'm not using penicillin. You know what I mean?

• 24:05Sam Morril?

  Medicine's different.

• 24:06Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 24:06Sam Morril?

  You gotta use them. You, you, the pony thing was a good point.

• 24:09Mark Normand?

  All right, all right, I have a point with the pony.

• 24:11Sam Morril?

  But the, it's like a tell, a tell is like, got the flip phone.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:14Sam Morril?

  And you know that guy's mind is just always active.

• 24:16Mark Normand?

  That's true, we can't ruin that mind, we need that mind.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, Gen Z now are using like, those old like Nikon Coolpix, you know, those old shitty cameras from like two thousand and four?

• 24:25Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  As their walk around cameras.

• 24:27Sam Morril?

  They're kinda cool.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 24:29Sam Morril?

  Problem is, we have so much stuff to pack, there's so much stuff in our pockets now, you're like, you know, you have a long day, I fucking need like a backup charger or something, you, you pack your bag. I, I started to try to cut down on things that needed to be charged, in my travel bag.

• 24:43Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 24:43Sam Morril?

  Cause you're like, how many chargers do I need to fucking pack?

• 24:46Mark Normand?

  And I do hate that guy at the airport who's got nineteen things plugged in, he's got a laptop, he's got his iPad charging, his phone charging, his AirPods charging, you're like, dude, get a life, get a book.

• 24:56Sam Morril?

  It's annoying, I know, I liked the Kindle, but it was another thing to charge.

• 24:59Mark Normand?

  Another thing to charge.

• 25:00Sam Morril?

  So I just like, I'll just go old school and get books, I also think books look cool, it's like,

• 25:03Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 25:04Sam Morril?

  In your apartment.

• 25:04Mark Normand?

  I agree. Yeah, yeah, my whole office is just books, but I've read like, six of them, which is kind of embarrassing.

• 25:12Sam Morril?

  I, I love a good audiobook too, though, but,

• 25:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:15Sam Morril?

  I like, cause we're walking so much, you know?

• 25:17Mark Normand?

  I know, I know, so I, I took the wife, look, this is my pee, where you at on this?

• 25:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 25:23Mark Normand?

  Hadn't taken the wife out in a while, couldn't get it up, wanted to redeem myself, you know, so, we go to this restaurant, there's one table taken, the hostess sits us next to that table.

• 25:34Sam Morril?

  Oof.

• 25:34Mark Normand?

  And it's already New York, so the tables are like, you know, an inch apart, so, she puts us next to this table, and I just tell the lady, I was like, we're gonna, can we sit at the bar? I can't, I can't sit next to this random couple, you know, for an hour. You always check what they've eaten, like, how long are they gonna be here, and the guy, it was just bread, so I was like, all right, fuck it. So I got the, I got the, I got the,

• 25:55Sam Morril?

  Why didn't you say put me at a different table?

• 25:57Mark Normand?

  I don't know, they're always weird about it, they're like, that's her section, we have to put you over here, so I was like, all right, just, can we sit at the bar? She was like, sure. Then I opened the menu, it's one of these menus where it's all, it's, there's no real food, you know, it's like deviled eggs, and I like a deviled egg, but it's five deviled eggs, it was forty dollars.

• 26:12Sam Morril?

  What?

• 26:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm like, I'm not paying forty dollars for five deviled eggs.

• 26:15Sam Morril?

  That's fucking insane.

• 26:17Mark Normand?

  There was no meal, there was no like chicken or steak or fish, it was just like,

• 26:21Sam Morril?

  Something.

• 26:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was a hush puppies and a cornbread, it was a meal, or I'm like, we're leaving. Where are you at on these?

• 26:28Sam Morril?

  This is where you get for moving to Brooklyn.

• 26:29Mark Normand?

  I know, I know, it's one of these like hoity-toity places.

• 26:31Sam Morril?

  You went to an ironic restaurant.

• 26:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and a cocktail's twenty, so you get four eggs, a cocktail, and a piece of bread, you're out eighty dollars.

• 26:39Sam Morril?

  You, it's, but it's like a fancy place, you're trying to show out a little bit.

• 26:42Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 26:43Sam Morril?

  They don't have a steak, they don't have a chicken?

• 26:44Mark Normand?

  Nothing, they had nothing cool like that, they had shrimp and grits was like their big,

• 26:48Sam Morril?

  I like a shrimp and grits.

• 26:49Mark Normand?

  Entree, I do too, but,

• 26:50Sam Morril?

  You're a southern boy.

• 26:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but it's weird if that's the only thing, it's like, give me some options, so we got the hell out of there, and we went to another place, and that was great, we had a Thai food.

• 26:58Sam Morril?

  Oh, Thai is, hot Thai hits.

• 27:00Mark Normand?

  I love Thai.

• 27:01Sam Morril?

  I feel, I feel like Thai kinda took over the Chinese, Chinese was kinda carrying the,

• 27:06Mark Normand?

  That's true, that's true, Taiwan.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  Less greasy?

• 27:10Mark Normand?

  Little healthier?

• 27:10Speaker 02

  Something?

• 27:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:12Sam Morril?

  Thai is still not healthy. You get a big thing of pad Thai, that ain't healthy, it tastes great, it ain't healthy.

• 27:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there's a lot of sugar in Thai, I think.

• 27:19Sam Morril?

  It's so good, though.

• 27:20Mark Normand?

  It's so good.

• 27:20Sam Morril?

  Love a papaya salad.

• 27:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:23Sam Morril?

  That just hits.

• 27:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:24Sam Morril?

  Love a spicy, clears out the fucking sinuses, I sound like such a Jew right now, I'm sorry.

• 27:28Mark Normand?

  No, I love it too, that tummy yum soup with the shrimp in it, those little mushrooms.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  Oh, speaking of mushrooms.

• 27:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, so, my wife's having a party tonight, so I have to go, so I got these.

• 27:39Sam Morril?

  You're gonna dose?

• 27:40Mark Normand?

  I'm gonna dose, just cause, uh, you know, I'm dying at these parties.

• 27:43Sam Morril?

  What kind of party is this?

• 27:44Mark Normand?

  She's having a German themed sex club party, so everybody's gonna be dressed like whores, Gillis.

• 27:54Sam Morril?

  I'm, I'm a little offended I didn't get an invite to this whole party.

• 27:56Mark Normand?

  Well, trust me, you don't wanna go.

• 27:59Sam Morril?

  Oh, any comics going?

• 28:00Mark Normand?

  Uh, that's a lot of women. You know what it is, my wife's pregnant, she feels not like part of the scene, so she's like, I'm dressing in lingerie, so she's gonna be a madam, and all these friends of hers,

• 28:13Sam Morril?

  Now I'm really bummed I didn't get an invite.

• 28:15Mark Normand?

  You could come, please come, it goes till midnight.

• 28:17Sam Morril?

  No, no, no.

• 28:18Mark Normand?

  She got an entertainment.

• 28:18Sam Morril?

  I just wanna be invited, I don't wanna go to any.

• 28:20Mark Normand?

  I hear you, I hear you, well, I'm inviting you.

• 28:22Sam Morril?

  All right, thanks.

• 28:23Mark Normand?

  But you gotta wear skimpy bullshit.

• 28:25Sam Morril?

  I don't wanna do that.

• 28:26Mark Normand?

  Fishnet, chains, you know, leather, all that.

• 28:29Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 28:30Mark Normand?

  So I'm going underwear, trench coat, I'm gonna be the flasher guy, so I'll have like, like a Speedo on, but a trench coat. Yeah, she's not gonna like it.

• 28:42Sam Morril?

  What a fucking, what a life.

• 28:44Mark Normand?

  I know, I know, but I'll be on shrooms.

• 28:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, could you get a full bar?

• 28:48Mark Normand?

  Uh, it's BYOB.

• 28:50Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 28:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:51Sam Morril?

  How about Bodega Cat?

• 28:52Mark Normand?

  Well, I'll, I'll have my own.

• 28:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, all right.

• 28:54Mark Normand?

  I got my own bottle, her too, but I'll have a couple of cocktails, do the shrooms.

• 28:59Sam Morril?

  What's the food situation? Deviled eggs, shrimp and grits?

• 29:01Mark Normand?

  No food, it's, you gotta be hot, you gotta be skinny, so, it's a sex club.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  A no phone scenario, can anyone take pics and stuff?

• 29:07Mark Normand?

  Nah, she wants pics.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  Huh.

• 29:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she's got a sheer, literally like a sheer outfit, it's crazy.

• 29:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:14Mark Normand?

  So, then her friends are sending photos of what they're wearing, so it's gonna be some eye candy.

• 29:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:19Mark Normand?

  So, uh, if you're a single man, you're missing out. Oh baby, Whisker the litter robot. I love my cat. I got a big ol' Maine Coon. He takes a dump like a bear. Uh, and I got the old school, you know, fucking, oop, the old school scooper. It's, it's a very primitive, very archaic. So, those days are over. If you've been eyeing a Whisker litter robot, now's the time to finally get one. They're having their best deals of the year. The Whisker litter robot automatically cycles after every use, so you don't have to scoop. Hallelujah. And if you've got more than one cat, select models are suitable for up to five. Whoa. The Whisker app lets you check litter and drawer levels and notifies you when the unit

• 30:03Mark Normand?

  completes a clean cycle or needs attention. And the bundles make it easy to get set up and save money. Imagine never scooping litter again. Get twenty, $125 off select litter robot bundles today at whisker.com/wmbd. That's whisker.com/wmbd.

• 30:23Sam Morril?

  Your customer calls, nobody picks up, and now they're three Google reviews deep into somebody else's business. That's the whole relationship gone over one ring.

• 30:31Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 30:32Sam Morril?

  That's why today's episode is brought to you by QUO, spelled Q-U-O. The business phone built so you never miss a call or customer. QUO's a number one rated business phone on G2 and trusted by over 90,000 businesses. Nobody should have to ask a customer to repeat themselves. In QUO, every call, text, and voicemail lives in one thread, so anybody on the team can jump in already knowing the story. Money's on the line, always say hello with QUO. Try QUO for a free plus, try QUO for free plus, get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.com/wmbd. That's Q-U-O.com/wmbd.

• 31:11Mark Normand?

  Yee-haw. Underdog. You ever notice how the second you lock in your picks, you completely change as a person? Before kickoff, you're chilling, relaxed, maybe a little bored. Then, you lock your picks in. Now, you're standing three feet from the TV, cause you, somehow that's helping, right? You're Googling weather reports for a stadium eight states away. You're screaming, "Just throw it to them, you bum!", like you got a direct line to the QB. I love that stuff. I honestly think that's the best part of sports. Not the outcome, the sweat. Edge of your seat, baby. The stretch between making your pick and finding out if you're a genius. That's why I play. And for those of us who want to sit up and not sit back, it's got to be Underdog.

• 31:56Mark Normand?

  So this season, don't just watch, lock in with Underdog and give every game a pulse. Download Underdog to play, keep your million. Start with $1 million. Make it through all 20 picks and walk away with whatever's left. Hey, that's a steal. Underdog, unleash your dog.

• 32:15Sam Morril?

  Rrrr. Is it starting to feel like sex is always scheduled and sometimes even rescheduled?

• 32:20Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 32:20Sam Morril?

  Bring back some spontaneity with Hims.

• 32:23Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 32:24Sam Morril?

  Hims combines personalized treatment plans and a 100% online process. No office visit, no pharmacy line, no awkward conversations. You just connect with a licensed provider who can determine if treatment is right for you. Some guys want daily support so they're ready whenever. Some just want it when they need it. And if a provider decides it's the right fit, your treatment plan is prescribed online and ships discreetly to your door. Ready to build a better sex life? Visit hims.com/drunk for a personalized plan for sex, hair, weight loss, and more. That's H-I-M-S.com/drunk. Prescription products require an online consultation with a licensed healthcare provider who will determine if a prescription is appropriate. Restrictions apply. Individual results may vary based on a survey of Hims customers.

• 33:09Sam Morril?

  See hims.com for full details.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  I like that you're pre-gaming with shrooms, though.

• 33:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:15Sam Morril?

  This is a, that's a hardcore pregame.

• 33:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'll just take a little. I won't go crazy.

• 33:21Sam Morril?

  No hangover with that stuff?

• 33:22Mark Normand?

  No, no hangover.

• 33:23Sam Morril?

  I've never done shrooms. I remember back in the day, you always tried to get me to do shrooms.

• 33:26Mark Normand?

  It's the best drug, I think, hands down. Yeah, well, there's no hangover, it's natural, you have fun, you feel good. It's not really bad for you. It lasts four hours, you're done.

• 33:37Sam Morril?

  Alright, you do it too?

• 33:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah. He loves them.

• 33:40Speaker 02

  Yeah. I do like microdose now, sometimes, like, almost to sleep.

• 33:44Sam Morril?

  But you couldn't perform on that shit.

• 33:46Mark Normand?

  I wouldn't do that, nah, nah, cause it's too, too much mental shit going on.

• 33:50Sam Morril?

  But it helps you sleep?

• 33:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:52Mark Normand?

  That I've never done.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  Like a micro, a small, small, small amount? It like, amazing dreams.

• 33:58Sam Morril?

  Well, micro's my middle name.

• 33:59Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 34:02Sam Morril?

  No, it sounds good, man. I think, uh, maybe I'll try it some. But I don't even like weed, that's the problem.

• 34:06Mark Normand?

  I don't like weed either.

• 34:08Sam Morril?

  I don't like edibles either. I don't like not knowing when it's gonna hit me.

• 34:12Mark Normand?

  Edibles are bad.

• 34:13Sam Morril?

  But that's an edible.

• 34:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I guess, but I'm saying I don't like weed edibles. This is like, it's like, fun. Weed is like, heady, oh my god, what did I say? That was stupid, I'm an idiot. This is like, woo, loopy, fun. It's like red wine.

• 34:28Sam Morril?

  Alright, I love wine.

• 34:30Mark Normand?

  I'll give you a square if you want.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  I'll take a square.

• 34:32Mark Normand?

  Alright, you coming tonight?

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Nah, I can't.

• 34:34Mark Normand?

  Okay. See, there's gonna be no dudes there.

• 34:36Sam Morril?

  Can't spare a square.

• 34:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:38Sam Morril?

  Let's see what I got. I got some peeves.

• 34:39Mark Normand?

  I think Ruby's coming, so.

• 34:40Sam Morril?

  Is he?

• 34:41Mark Normand?

  He'll do a, he'll do a line.

• 34:42Sam Morril?

  He'll, he'll wear a fedora, he'll fit right in.

• 34:45Mark Normand?

  Just a fedora.

• 34:47Sam Morril?

  Hanging dong.

• 34:49Mark Normand?

  Forester, medium cool.

• 34:51Speaker 02

  I was at a special taping this week. A-plus material.

• 34:54Sam Morril?

  Oh, really?

• 34:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, great, yeah, he's got good stuff.

• 34:56Sam Morril?

  Love Matt. So, uh, I got a peeve.

• 35:00Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 35:01Sam Morril?

  This is a bodega cat peeve. There is a bodega cat place, there's a bodega with a bunch of cats by me. They don't let you pet the cats.

• 35:09Mark Normand?

  What?

• 35:09Sam Morril?

  All these cute cats, they say, "No petting", and I'm like, "Fuck you."

• 35:12Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 35:13Sam Morril?

  It's the do not touch of the strip club, but, but worse, cause, cause we should be allowed to pet.

• 35:17Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, that is crazy.

• 35:20Sam Morril?

  I don't like it.

• 35:20Mark Normand?

  I don't like it one bit. Especially if you have multiple cats.

• 35:23Sam Morril?

  Cause you're using it for business. You know it's getting people in there, and then you're not, you know, kids don't even get to pet them?

• 35:28Mark Normand?

  That's crazy. Well, they're scared you're gonna get bitten and sue, I guess.

• 35:31Sam Morril?

  Who's suing a bodega cat? That's crazy.

• 35:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Damn, that sucks.

• 35:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  They named my bodega, named their cat after my son.

• 35:42Mark Normand?

  What?

• 35:42Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 35:43Mark Normand?

  Hey, now that's some New York shit right there.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  Very New York.

• 35:45Mark Normand?

  That's great. These Mom Donnie Supermargins, they got no cats in there, I'll say that right now. There's definitely no dogs. Damn, yeah, that's what the beauty of the bodega is, the cat, you can't pet it.

• 35:56Sam Morril?

  I got another peeve.

• 35:58Mark Normand?

  What if he got to pet it on the side, like, behind, they don't see?

• 36:00Sam Morril?

  I did it, and he called me out, he's like, "No petting."

• 36:03Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 36:04Sam Morril?

  And I said, "Well, I'm, I'm not coming back here."

• 36:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:06Sam Morril?

  I told him, "I'm done."

• 36:07Mark Normand?

  You should, you should go, go in there with a dog, see what happens.

• 36:11Sam Morril?

  Uh, I got another peeve.

• 36:14Sam Morril?

  I don't know if the peeve is Sydney Sweeney or women talking about Sydney Sweeney, but I'm annoyed how much I have to hear about Sydney Sweeney.

• 36:21Mark Normand?

  Women hate Sydney Sweeney.

• 36:22Sam Morril?

  They hate her, and I'm annoyed having to hear how much they hate her.

• 36:25Mark Normand?

  I, I, I.

• 36:26Sam Morril?

  Cause my girlfriend will just talk about it, like, cause you know what the problem is too? They're doing that like scantily clad ad of hers during sports. My girlfriend will be next to me while I'm watching sports, and now she comes up like, "Oh, she sucks", and I'm like, "Oh, okay", and then it just keeps going.

• 36:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so what is the beef? She's just a lady.

• 36:41Sam Morril?

  They think she's just not interesting. One of the lines my girlfriend said to me about Sydney Sweeney was, uh, "Without her tits, she'd be nothing", and I was like, "Well, without my jokes, I'd be nothing." Sometimes you have to take the full package into account, you know?

• 36:52Mark Normand?

  Ah, yeah. I said the same thing to Ari.

• 36:54Sam Morril?

  Women.

• 36:55Mark Normand?

  Well, I said, like, if she didn't have those huge cans, she wouldn't be, uh, that hot, and he goes, "But she does."

• 37:00Sam Morril?

  She does.

• 37:01Mark Normand?

  And I was like, "Touche, Ari."

• 37:03Sam Morril?

  But women just hate her.

• 37:04Mark Normand?

  They hate her. And it'd be cool if women could just go, "She's fucking hot, she's got huge tits, I don't like", I find it threatening.

• 37:10Sam Morril?

  Well, what they do is, they always find a picture of her without makeup, and they're like, "Look at this picture", and I'm like, "Everyone's got those pictures."

• 37:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Women are full of shit, cause they get mad at Shane for saying, "These women dress like whores." You're allowed to dress like a whore.

• 37:24Sam Morril?

  But then they're calling her that.

• 37:24Mark Normand?

  And then they call her a whore for being a whore.

• 37:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 37:27Mark Normand?

  Or for being naked. Sorry.

• 37:29Sam Morril?

  You were though, this close. You were this close.

• 37:32Mark Normand?

  Edit that.

• 37:35Mark Normand?

  No, yeah, she's, she's a hot girl, it's like the eight, uh, as old as time.

• 37:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, I, I, totally, man.

• 37:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she's got great cans, and she does what she wants.

• 37:46Sam Morril?

  And she, and she's converting to Judaism at a very unpopular time.

• 37:50Mark Normand?

  That, I saw that, that was a great tweet that you had.

• 37:52Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah, I said, her converting to Judaism now is like being a Knicks fan in 2003.

• 37:58Sam Morril?

  Not a lot of good years to look forward to.

• 37:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but you gotta respect it.

• 38:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, uh, but I, I think I'm, the peeve is having to hear about her, cause I have no issue with her, I don't care, I've never seen anything she's done. I didn't, I haven't watched any movie she's been in, I haven't watched, uh.

• 38:12Mark Normand?

  I have no interest.

• 38:13Sam Morril?

  I don't care, but having to hear all the time.

• 38:17Mark Normand?

  And just admit that it's cause she's hot. That women, they do all this other stuff, "Well, she's not interesting."

• 38:21Sam Morril?

  She's obviously hot.

• 38:23Mark Normand?

  Who cares if she's interesting? That's the boyfriend.

• 38:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, you got the history?

• 38:31Mark Normand?

  I told you, I met her.

• 38:32Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:33Mark Normand?

  And she's, I don't want to discuss, trying to say this nicely. She's just, she's kind of normal looking in person. Like, you wouldn't be like, oh, my god. Like, you see her on TV, you're like, wow, look at this fucking show.

• 38:43Sam Morril?

  A lot of it is with these people, it feels like, it's like the camera loves her.

• 38:45Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, the camera loves her. Like, she's pretty, but you see her in person, you're like, ah, it's like a, you know, cute lady.

• 38:50Sam Morril?

  My girlfriend showed her son a picture of Sydney Sweeney. He's, you know, young, and she goes, is she pretty? And he goes, you're much prettier, mommy, and all the odds. That's nice, but if he says that in eight years, we might have a problem. We might have an issue.

• 39:06Mark Normand?

  Oedipus.

• 39:06Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 39:07Sam Morril?

  Go to your room.

• 39:08Mark Normand?

  Wow, I've never said that to my mom. I was really like, you're prettier than Pam.

• 39:11Sam Morril?

  He's a sweet kid.

• 39:12Mark Normand?

  All right, I guess I'm not. My mom had short hair and glasses and moved along, so it was a different world.

• 39:18Sam Morril?

  Pamela Anderson was the chick when we were younger.

• 39:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:22Sam Morril?

  But it was almost like basic.

• 39:23Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 39:24Sam Morril?

  She was too obvious.

• 39:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I would go, I'd say Angelina Jolie and Carmen Electra. I like to try to get away from her when I.

• 39:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, Angelina Jolie was ridiculous.

• 39:33Mark Normand?

  Stunning, stunning, like, otherworldly.

• 39:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 39:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow, young Yasmin Bleeth.

• 39:39Sam Morril?

  Oh, man, oh, my god. Yeah, she was, yeah.

• 39:42Mark Normand?

  Tough, tough transition.

• 39:44Sam Morril?

  Don't do that shit.

• 39:45Mark Normand?

  I was looking for original.

• 39:45Sam Morril?

  Don't you hate when fucking the New York Post is like, what happened to this person?

• 39:48Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 39:49Sam Morril?

  Time, motherfucker.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, that's the stuff. Oh, wait a minute, that's, no.

• 39:54Mark Normand?

  All right. Oh, yeah, Tiffany Ampertheesa, too, she was very pretty.

• 39:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's everyone's crush, Saved by the Bell.

• 40:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, then she got implants.

• 40:02Sam Morril?

  Did she?

• 40:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, which, like, really kicked it up a notch.

• 40:04Sam Morril?

  Screech. Did you, were you, were you a Saved by the Bell kid?

• 40:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, I've seen every episode.

• 40:13Sam Morril?

  It's so bad, though.

• 40:14Mark Normand?

  Of course, but I still remember the jokes. Screech, you can't elope. Who you calling a cantaloupe, you melon head? That's a great joke.

• 40:21Sam Morril?

  No, it's not.

• 40:23Mark Normand?

  You can't elope? Because he was gonna run away and get married? He's like, Screech, you can't elope? He goes, who you calling a cantaloupe, you melon head? That's gold.

• 40:31Sam Morril?

  Every, there was a whole YouTube channel dedicated to Zack Morris being a piece of shit.

• 40:36Mark Normand?

  I saw that, that was brilliant.

• 40:37Sam Morril?

  That was witty as fuck.

• 40:38Mark Normand?

  Brilliant.

• 40:39Sam Morril?

  Because you're like, you don't realize that, like, this guy's a fucking bad person.

• 40:42Mark Normand?

  He's a, yeah, he's a narcissist and like a conniving douche. He was like a backstabber.

• 40:49Speaker 02

  Can we pour one out for Mr. Belding, who just died?

• 40:50Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, Haskins died?

• 40:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 40:53Mark Normand?

  Damn, RIP.

• 40:54Sam Morril?

  Oh, gee.

• 40:55Mark Normand?

  That guy probably got so much rando vag.

• 40:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that guy pulled up to a Hooters. He left with that waitress, you know it.

• 41:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I mean, same with Bob Saget, because you grew up watching him as the dad figure, you know? So I'm sure he cleaned up.

• 41:10Sam Morril?

  Saget was the man, I love Bob.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:12Sam Morril?

  What, are you into implants? Is that a thing you like or no?

• 41:15Mark Normand?

  No, it was just fun, because even as a kid, you're like, well, Kelly Coblesley's pretty, but it's kind of flat. And then later, you're like, where's she got implants?

• 41:22Sam Morril?

  I think aesthetically, they're pleasing, but they're not, I don't think they are.

• 41:26Mark Normand?

  No, no, I agree.

• 41:27Sam Morril?

  And then once you actually touch them, you're like, eh.

• 41:29Mark Normand?

  But you see Billie Eilish got the reduction.

• 41:32Sam Morril?

  She went the other way.

• 41:33Mark Normand?

  She went the other way.

• 41:34Sam Morril?

  Let's see.

• 41:34Mark Normand?

  Let's pour, I'm pouring out a drink for her and Haskins.

• 41:38Sam Morril?

  And Patrick Stewart, RIP Patrick Stewart.

• 41:40Mark Normand?

  He died?

• 41:41Sam Morril?

  He died today, dude.

• 41:42Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 41:43Sam Morril?

  He was like 86, I didn't realize he was that old. He looked, he looked young.

• 41:46Mark Normand?

  I had no idea. My mom, that was her number one crush, was Patrick Stewart.

• 41:50Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 41:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:50Sam Morril?

  She would love my dad.

• 41:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 41:52Sam Morril?

  He kind of looks like Patrick Stewart a little.

• 41:54Mark Normand?

  I mean, he'd be on that Enterprise going, engage, and she was like.

• 41:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, she loved Patrick Stewart.

• 42:01Sam Morril?

  Dude, he was awesome.

• 42:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, Charles Picard.

• 42:03Sam Morril?

  And he was so funny in all Seth MacFarlane shit.

• 42:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:06Sam Morril?

  He did so much voiceover stuff with him.

• 42:08Mark Normand?

  Is he gay?

• 42:09Sam Morril?

  I don't think so. Dude, he was so funny in Extras.

• 42:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, he was great in that.

• 42:14Sam Morril?

  He killed in Extras.

• 42:15Mark Normand?

  I'm pretty sure he's a gay man.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  I don't think so.

• 42:17Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 42:17Speaker 02

  What's that other guy?

• 42:18Sam Morril?

  Ian McKellen is.

• 42:19Mark Normand?

  Ian McKellen.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  And they were like, gosh, buds.

• 42:21Mark Normand?

  Another sir.

• 42:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, both awesome, man.

• 42:24Speaker 02

  This is just Ozempic.

• 42:26Mark Normand?

  No, I don't know.

• 42:28Speaker 02

  No?

• 42:29Mark Normand?

  I think it's documented.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Booze, give it a go.

• 42:31Sam Morril?

  All right, I think she did get a reduction. I love that this is the current events Mark and I are up on.

• 42:38Sam Morril?

  We're like, we've thoroughly researched this.

• 42:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:42Sam Morril?

  Attractive woman.

• 42:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she's got a nice face.

• 42:45Speaker 02

  There's no verified evidence.

• 42:47Mark Normand?

  Okay, maybe it's Ozempic.

• 42:48Sam Morril?

  All right, fake news.

• 42:50Mark Normand?

  Jeez, sorry, everybody.

• 42:52Sam Morril?

  Maybe, maybe this isn't bad news.

• 42:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:54Sam Morril?

  This is an upbeat pod.

• 42:55Mark Normand?

  Not to bring up another documentary, but I'm halfway through the Matthew Perry.

• 42:59Sam Morril?

  There's a Matthew Perry doc?

• 43:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:01Sam Morril?

  Jesus.

• 43:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I forgot why I brought it up. Well, he was, he dated everybody, by the way. He'd be banging Julia Roberts.

• 43:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 43:08Mark Normand?

  Pretty crazy. He went from like this nobody to just the biggest.

• 43:14Mark Normand?

  It was so cool seeing the 90s, this footage of him going to the Playboy Mansion with his friends in a convertible, and you're like, wow. None of this is allowed anymore. He'd get out of the mansion, he'd get out of the Miata, and all these girls are like, Matthew Perry? And they run up to him, and Scott Baio high fives him, and, you know, all these other guys are like, wow, the 90s were magical.

• 43:31Sam Morril?

  There was this article that came up about the Playboy Mansion, where this woman was like, some of these celebrities were creeps? And it was just an article about how like John Lovitz would look at them? And it's like, what do you want people to do? People will walk around naked.

• 43:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:44Sam Morril?

  It was like, who are trying to make him sound like a creep? I'm like, it sounds like that's just what that place was.

• 43:47Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course, yeah. It was a smut house.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  This is a pretty generational run for Matthew Perry.

• 43:54Sam Morril?

  Gwyneth Paltrow, Valerie Bernelli, yeah.

• 43:57Speaker 02

  That's amazing.

• 43:58Sam Morril?

  Pre-Slim Fest.

• 43:59Mark Normand?

  Neve Campbell, wow. Yasmin again, double mention.

• 44:03Sam Morril?

  Neve Campbell.

• 44:04Mark Normand?

  Well, maybe Quinn, I don't know. Oh, Heather Graham.

• 44:07Sam Morril?

  Heather Graham, yeah, all right.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  Piper Parabo, this volleyball player is wild.

• 44:10Mark Normand?

  How the hell she slip in there? Good lord.

• 44:13Sam Morril?

  Could he have fucked any more women?

• 44:18Sam Morril?

  Meg Ryan, man, I'll say.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  That's a run.

• 44:20Mark Normand?

  Meg Ryan.

• 44:21Sam Morril?

  I was just chilling at home the other day, You've Got Mail came on, pleasant film.

• 44:24Mark Normand?

  Very pleasant.

• 44:25Sam Morril?

  It's just pleasant. It's not funny, it's not quite funny, it's just kind of like, that's nice.

• 44:30Mark Normand?

  It's nice, it was a ripoff of Sleepless in Seattle.

• 44:34Sam Morril?

  Which was, no, it's a ripoff of Little Shop Around the Corner, which is a fucking Ernest Lubitch movie from like the 40s.

• 44:41Mark Normand?

  Whoa, what'd you call me?

• 44:44Sam Morril?

  But it's, it's fun, though.

• 44:48Mark Normand?

  It's very funny.

• 44:48Sam Morril?

  It's like, it's like, if that's your chick flick, I can handle it.

• 44:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's pleasant.

• 44:52Sam Morril?

  Because that's what a chick flick used to be.

• 44:54Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 44:54Sam Morril?

  And now you're like, I can't do, like, they all feel like Hallmark level.

• 44:57Mark Normand?

  I know. What, Pemberton? Or what is that one with the, what's that one called? Not Pemberton. Pendleton?

• 45:05Speaker 02

  Etterton?

• 45:06Mark Normand?

  No, no, no, it's like, it's like Middle Ages. It's a black guy and a white woman.

• 45:10Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about, it's on Netflix.

• 45:13Mark Normand?

  Hugely popular.

• 45:14Sam Morril?

  It looks like garbage.

• 45:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, then there was like, Mamma Mia.

• 45:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 45:19Mark Normand?

  There's no chance of a guy liking these, but.

• 45:22Sam Morril?

  But also, Hank, Hank and Ryan help.

• 45:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:25Sam Morril?

  They're just fucking good actors, you know?

• 45:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're great. Dave Chappelle was in that.

• 45:29Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 45:30Mark Normand?

  Even as a kid, I remember like, he's in this?

• 45:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 45:33Mark Normand?

  You know, a young comedian.

• 45:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 45:35Mark Normand?

  What a run, what an agent. Yeah, he was that, Men in Tights, he had a couple.

• 45:40Sam Morril?

  Larry Sanders?

• 45:41Mark Normand?

  Yes, nah, that's not it. Emily in Paris, did you hear the, the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants lady? She got a divorce. Or maybe it was the Mamma Mia lady. Whoever wrote the book, turns out she got a divorce, turned into a lesbian, became a drug addict, killed her wife. I don't know, it's a crazy story about the writer.

• 46:06Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 46:06Speaker 02

  We need a doc.

• 46:08Mark Normand?

  We need a doc. I don't know, maybe it was, maybe it was Mamma Mia.

• 46:12Speaker 02

  I think it's the same lady.

• 46:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 46:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 46:16Sam Morril?

  She killed her wife?

• 46:17Mark Normand?

  Maybe I threw that part in for effect, but crazy, crazy lady.

• 46:21Sam Morril?

  Attention there.

• 46:21Mark Normand?

  Crazy story.

• 46:22Sam Morril?

  And she raped the baby, we're like, what? That was that last part?

• 46:28Sam Morril?

  Damn, yeah, there's too many docs. I know there's an Elon Musk one, and I'm like, I'm good.

• 46:32Mark Normand?

  I'm excited for that one.

• 46:33Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 46:33Mark Normand?

  Well, it's Alex Gibney.

• 46:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 46:35Mark Normand?

  He's a beast. Best, you know, Going Clear and Ron.

• 46:39Sam Morril?

  Oh, he did those?

• 46:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

• 46:41Sam Morril?

  I like those, all right.

• 46:41Mark Normand?

  He's the guy.

• 46:42Sam Morril?

  Going Clear was really good.

• 46:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, fuck, maybe I'll watch it, there's just so many.

• 46:47Mark Normand?

  I forgot why I brought up the Maria Bamford originally, but it's very interesting. I didn't know how crazy she is. Like, we're talking multiple meds, insane asylum, suicide attempts. Like, I had no idea what she was that. I thought she was just a quirky lady.

• 47:03Sam Morril?

  You never know what people are going through.

• 47:05Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 47:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 47:06Mark Normand?

  Then she was in the fires, her house was in the fires, like, it's a crazy doc.

• 47:10Sam Morril?

  She lost her place?

• 47:11Mark Normand?

  She actually, her place lit, made it, and everything around it didn't, it was crazy.

• 47:15Sam Morril?

  That's tough.

• 47:15Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 47:16Sam Morril?

  Get that survivor's guilt.

• 47:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah. But, sweet woman, I've met her a few times, she's the nicest lady on the planet.

• 47:22Sam Morril?

  I know, remember when she hung with us in Vancouver?

• 47:24Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 47:25Sam Morril?

  That was fun as hell.

• 47:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, I remember why I brought it up. So she got a Target ad, she was the Target lady for a while, so she made millions on that. And then she started researching, like, oh, is this a good company? Sweatshop labor, not paying the employees well, so she quit.

• 47:40Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 47:41Mark Normand?

  Didn't post about it, didn't do nothing, and that's, I respect that. She was like, hey, this, I feel bad about working with this company, I'm just gonna, just gonna leave.

• 47:51Sam Morril?

  And that night, her agent blew his head off.

• 47:54Mark Normand?

  Probably. Yeah, so she's, she did that for years, then realized, I think this company's kind of shitty, and bailed out. But.

• 48:03Sam Morril?

  Good for her.

• 48:03Mark Normand?

  Good for her. Nice lady, very funny.

• 48:05Sam Morril?

  Seems like a classy, uh, person. Great comedian. Yeah, I remember watching an hour in Vancouver.

• 48:11Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 48:12Sam Morril?

  She's, she's very funny.

• 48:13Mark Normand?

  Remember that club, the Comedy Mix?

• 48:15Sam Morril?

  It's gone, right?

• 48:15Mark Normand?

  It's gone. One of the great clubs, just gone.

• 48:17Sam Morril?

  Vancouver's just a, a great place.

• 48:19Mark Normand?

  Cool town.

• 48:20Sam Morril?

  The air is cleaner.

• 48:21Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 48:22Sam Morril?

  Although I will say, the last time I was there, a guy tried to chase us with a machete. They were like, you gotta, we gotta wait to leave, cause there's a guy outside waiting with a machete. I'm like, I didn't do that badly. But he was just waiting. I was like, this is wild.

• 48:35Mark Normand?

  Man.

• 48:36Sam Morril?

  Drugs. I mean, it's so, I mean, that area, dude, the Pacific Northwest.

• 48:39Mark Normand?

  Heroin.

• 48:40Sam Morril?

  Heroin, everything.

• 48:41Mark Normand?

  Opioids, they love it.

• 48:42Sam Morril?

  Seattle, Portland, that whole fucking.

• 48:44Mark Normand?

  I know. I was just in Portland, Oregon. Great comedy town. The shows were amazing, but my God, I mean, it was, uh, you go, I was staying downtown.

• 48:54Sam Morril?

  It's crazy.

• 48:55Mark Normand?

  It's like a food truck selling cupcakes and then a guy just doing heroin next to it. And you're like, no one notices? There's a, there's a line.

• 49:03Sam Morril?

  People are losing their feet for different reasons.

• 49:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah. It's called fuck the patriarchy, of course.

• 49:09Mark Normand?

  No, I mean, but, uh, yeah, that's like, it's a crazy town. They're just, they're just so used to it.

• 49:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 49:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:15Sam Morril?

  Damn, you know, as you walk around there, it was depressing as hell, but that's so many downtowns in America right now, you know?

• 49:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I think they did the free drug tents for a while.

• 49:24Sam Morril?

  They decriminalized, I think, their.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  They, they turned that back.

• 49:27Sam Morril?

  They turned it back.

• 49:28Speaker 02

  It's not working.

• 49:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 49:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I don't think that usually works.

• 49:34Sam Morril?

  Who knows? Yeah, it's like, you don't, you go super left with it and you're like, nah, this.

• 49:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 49:40Sam Morril?

  You need some policing.

• 49:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, you need some regulation. Now, how about this one? Now, this is embarrassing.

• 49:45Sam Morril?

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:46Mark Normand?

  Tell me if you've ever done this. I brought it up to List. He almost quit being my friend.

• 49:51Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 49:51Mark Normand?

  So.

• 49:52Sam Morril?

  Aetophilia?

• 49:54Mark Normand?

  That I get. No, no. This was the, one of the weirdest. I had a brain fart. So, you know, the lack of sleep, the baby, whatever, you know, running around, where we work like animals. I have a flight to Portland. I booked it too late, so I had a connection.

• 50:10Sam Morril?

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:11Mark Normand?

  Portland, I mean, uh, New York, Salt Lake City, Salt Lake City to Portland. One hour connection.

• 50:17Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 50:18Mark Normand?

  So, I land in Salt Lake City at 2:00 PM. The flight leaves at 3:00 PM. So, I go to the lounge. I go, hey, I got a little time.

• 50:26Sam Morril?

  Well, dude, you gotta know they're boarding 30 minutes before, right? It doesn't occur to you?

• 50:29Mark Normand?

  I ate in the lounge. I got recognized. I met a lady who was a waitress at Wise Guys. We chatted for a while and I go, oh, it's 3:00. I walk to the plane. It's gone.

• 50:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:40Mark Normand?

  I look out the window.

• 50:41Sam Morril?

  You're a fucking professional traveler. This is amateur hour.

• 50:43Mark Normand?

  It was like Dumb and Dumber. I ran right off the tarback. It was crazy. And I was like, where's the plane? What the fuck? It's 3:00. Oh, it leaves at 3:00. I've been flying every day or every week for the last 20 years.

• 50:54Sam Morril?

  That's bonkers.

• 50:55Mark Normand?

  I totally spaced.

• 50:56Sam Morril?

  That is crazy.

• 50:57Mark Normand?

  How crazy is that? So, I had to call my agent and I go, I missed the flight. He goes, what happened? Did it delayed? I go, no, I just sat in the lounge.

• 51:03Sam Morril?

  Why didn't you just lie and say it got delayed?

• 51:05Mark Normand?

  I should have done that.

• 51:06Sam Morril?

  Well, I know, I had to get a shrimp scampi in the lounge.

• 51:08Mark Normand?

  It was shrimp.

• 51:09Sam Morril?

  Was it?

• 51:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I couldn't resist the shrimp.

• 51:10Sam Morril?

  What?

• 51:11Mark Normand?

  So, I, I called him and he's like, oh my God.

• 51:14Sam Morril?

  Jerk store's running out of you. What, so you, what time is the gig?

• 51:19Mark Normand?

  So, I was landing, originally landing at 5:00 for a 7:00 show. Now, I'm landing at 7:00 for a 7:00 show.

• 51:24Sam Morril?

  So, they stretched?

• 51:25Mark Normand?

  No, I just went straight there. And the host went on, the middle went on, then I went on.

• 51:30Sam Morril?

  And you made it?

• 51:30Mark Normand?

  I made it, but I wanted to shower. I was all gross and, you know, I saved my shower for pre-show.

• 51:35Sam Morril?

  I love a good pre-show shower.

• 51:37Mark Normand?

  Gotta have a pre-show shower.

• 51:38Sam Morril?

  Got a shower off the plane.

• 51:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:40Sam Morril?

  That is wild that you are that irresponsible.

• 51:43Mark Normand?

  I don't know where this came from. I'm just, I'm an idiot. You know what it was? I think I, you ever want something so bad? You believe it's true?

• 51:50Sam Morril?

  Of course.

• 51:51Mark Normand?

  So, I think I was like, I want an, I want an hour in the lounge or something. I don't know.

• 51:54Sam Morril?

  I get that feeling, but you're, dude, you're a pro. That's crazy. Yeah, I mean, I'm so terrified of missing connections, cause I've had those memories of sprinting.

• 52:03Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 52:04Sam Morril?

  You're at the Atlanta airport, the Charlotte airport, or any, or Detroit, any of those airports, you're like, this is so fucking big. And you're just like, huh, huh. And you're, and you know, you don't wanna check a bag, your fucking, your, your rolly bag in your backpack and you're just like, huh, huh.

• 52:16Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 52:16Sam Morril?

  Just sprinting and you're just drenched in sweat.

• 52:18Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 52:19Sam Morril?

  You're out of breath, your fucking knees fucked up.

• 52:21Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 52:22Sam Morril?

  And they, and they close the door and you're like, eh.

• 52:23Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 52:24Sam Morril?

  So, I have those flashbacks where it's like, yeah, they've shut the door in my face.

• 52:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:27Sam Morril?

  And it's brutal.

• 52:28Mark Normand?

  It is.

• 52:29Sam Morril?

  It's brutal, cause like, they, they always say like, they'll, they'll, they know who's on the flight. They'll wait for you and like, they don't give a fuck.

• 52:35Mark Normand?

  They don't wait for you. Get out of here.

• 52:36Sam Morril?

  You think they give a shit if I make my flight?

• 52:38Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 52:39Sam Morril?

  They make the same money.

• 52:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and they like it a little bit going, nope, you missed it. We're closing that door. And I think they get a little joy out of it.

• 52:45Sam Morril?

  They're like, you gotta take a look at your life. You're like, what the fuck?

• 52:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they get to be better than you for a second.

• 52:50Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah. I mean, that was an opening joke in one of my specials. I'm shutting the door in my face. It's 100% true. And it's the night, and it's the day a Netflix special came out and I missed a gig in Vermont because of it.

• 53:00Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 53:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 53:01Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 53:02Sam Morril?

  But it was, you know, and I got hammered on the flight. I was like, you know, it ended up being, it was supposed to be a connection and it turned out to be a three, cause of that.

• 53:08Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 53:09Sam Morril?

  I hate the three. You feel, cause sometimes you're going, you're like here, then you go backwards and you gotta come back and you're like.

• 53:15Mark Normand?

  Those are the worst.

• 53:16Sam Morril?

  You feel like you're going back in time or something.

• 53:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah. One of my worst was I had a gig in Rochester and, you know, it's a 42-minute flight from here.

• 53:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 53:25Mark Normand?

  And I was like, wow, it's a 42-minute flight. I'll get the 4:00. You know, it's a 4:00 flight. I'll get there at 5:00. Yeah, and then got delayed, got delayed, got delayed, and now the show's happening. And the amount of DMs I got, fuck you, we got a babysitter, you piece of shit, I drove five hours, you fucking asshole. And, uh, yeah.

• 53:45Sam Morril?

  You can only really do that if you have a private plane.

• 53:48Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 53:49Sam Morril?

  And even then, you could get fucked by weather.

• 53:51Mark Normand?

  True.

• 53:51Sam Morril?

  But if you're, if you're like us and you fly commercial, you gotta, you gotta take an early-ish flight.

• 53:55Mark Normand?

  I know. Should've gone like a noon or something.

• 53:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude, I, that flight to Rochester, I remember last time I, I mean, the incorrect story from my special, that woman is from a flight to Rochester, that awful plane. Cause it gets fucking windy.

• 54:09Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 54:09Sam Morril?

  And it's a tiny ass plane and you know it's not an A-Team pilot.

• 54:12Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 54:13Sam Morril?

  You know that's, they're not putting the best pilot on that plane. No offense, please don't nosdive it.

• 54:18Mark Normand?

  That and Buffalo.

• 54:19Sam Morril?

  Dude, you know it.

• 54:20Mark Normand?

  Cause they're so short.

• 54:21Sam Morril?

  They're so short. It's like, this is like an up-and-comer.

• 54:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:24Sam Morril?

  This is the open mic pilot.

• 54:25Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 54:27Sam Morril?

  And we need you to be good on this tiny, rink-a-ding plane.

• 54:29Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 54:30Sam Morril?

  And, oh man, I remember the night before I went on that flight, I was talking to Jim Norden and we were talking about that gig and he was like, oh, I always drive. Those little planes scare the shit out of me. And of course it happened after that.

• 54:39Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 54:41Sam Morril?

  Well, we're just like, we're gonna fucking die.

• 54:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, those are so bumpy, those, uh, uh, up north New York flights.

• 54:47Sam Morril?

  Well, you look to the stewardess to see if they're panicking.

• 54:50Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 54:51Sam Morril?

  And she was panicking.

• 54:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God.

• 54:52Sam Morril?

  She was like, uh, and I was like, oh.

• 54:54Mark Normand?

  Damn. Did you see the, uh, well, first of all, a guy got stabbed. Did we cover that?

• 54:59Sam Morril?

  What?

• 54:59Mark Normand?

  A guy got stabbed on a flight to Israel. The pilot stabbed the other pilot.

• 55:04Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:04Mark Normand?

  Crazy. They turned out okay. They got the guy.

• 55:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:08Mark Normand?

  But it's always mind-blowing that these terrorists are willing to go to flight school, rack up hours, learn to fly, become a United pilot, and then do that. That's so much work.

• 55:21Sam Morril?

  It's a lot of work.

• 55:22Mark Normand?

  I mean, if we could only direct Allah to like, positive shit, right? Like, if we could get, like, Allah hates cancer. Now imagine like, all those guys with that dedication curing cancer or something. A cure a hangover. Allah hates hangovers. I'm calling it.

• 55:40Sam Morril?

  This one's for you.

• 55:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, come on, Allah.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  I think they're just gonna cut the head off.

• 55:43Mark Normand?

  Allah card. Yeah, cut the head off the steak. But yeah, it's just crazy that they're willing to do all that just to.

• 55:50Sam Morril?

  The work to, yeah.

• 55:52Mark Normand?

  It's mind-boggling. I have, half my friends don't work. These guys are doing all that for religion.

• 55:58Sam Morril?

  I always wonder how many terrorists just like, you hit the snooze and you're like, eh, I'm not doing it.

• 56:03Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 56:04Sam Morril?

  I wonder how many. They hit the snooze all the time.

• 56:06Mark Normand?

  They don't do it. They don't snooze. What?

• 56:09Speaker 02

  Supposedly there was a fifth plane on 9/11.

• 56:12Sam Morril?

  9/11, yeah.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:13Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 56:13Speaker 02

  I think they were late or whatever, like, didn't take off. It was sort of a snooze alarm type thing.

• 56:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's funny.

• 56:18Sam Morril?

  They're like, you blew it.

• 56:22Mark Normand?

  We shouldn't have hired Ahmed. I know Ahmed. He's a fucking, he's a lazy bastard.

• 56:26Sam Morril?

  He's a party animal. He was hungover, dude.

• 56:28Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 56:29Sam Morril?

  He's like, fuck, I shouldn't have had that third Long Island.

• 56:32Mark Normand?

  Well, they don't drink.

• 56:34Sam Morril?

  Some of them do.

• 56:35Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 56:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, sure.

• 56:36Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 56:37Sam Morril?

  It'd be, that's crazy. I mean, it was that story. I had a bit about it and I got this about the, the guys who were partying too much. They became like obsessed with American culture.

• 56:45Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 56:46Sam Morril?

  You know?

• 56:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, right.

• 56:48Sam Morril?

  But it's like, imagine coming here, if that's your life, and like, of course you're gonna get infected with this culture.

• 56:55Mark Normand?

  Porn and.

• 56:55Sam Morril?

  It's fun.

• 56:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's great. Tits.

• 56:58Sam Morril?

  It's like when you go to your friend's house who, who's spoiled when you're young.

• 57:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:02Sam Morril?

  And they had like, I had a friend, my mom made me eat healthy all the time. I, then you go to your friend's house and he's got like fruit by the foot.

• 57:08Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 57:09Sam Morril?

  He's got like gushers. He's got dunkaroos and you're like, this is fucking, you're just, you're just like, mm, mm, mm, mm. That's what they're doing with pussy when they come here. Like, oh my God.

• 57:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah. You see with the Amish. The Amish always lose it.

• 57:22Sam Morril?

  Rumspringa.

• 57:23Mark Normand?

  Rumspringa. They, they don't go back.

• 57:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 57:25Mark Normand?

  They're like, they get an iPad, they're watching fucking Two Girls, One Cup. They're not going back to raise the barn.

• 57:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're like, actually, this is too far. Let's go back to the, to the regular porn. That is funny that they probably get that. They, they hit their, their breaking point.

• 57:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. That is a lot. Uh, but that, last week on a flight, you saw, a flight attendant saw a guy texting, we're taking this plane down. She caught him mid-text. Pull that up.

• 57:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah. What? I didn't see this.

• 57:51Mark Normand?

  And so, she told the pilot and the pilot just quietly landed the plane.

• 57:55Sam Morril?

  Why you gotta get one of those like block screens?

• 57:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:58Sam Morril?

  I got one of those. Cause I write jokes on this all day. I don't want someone looking over my fucking shoulder.

• 58:01Mark Normand?

  Wait, what is that? I gotta do the block screen.

• 58:03Sam Morril?

  You can't see that shit. Look at my screen. You can't see that.

• 58:04Mark Normand?

  No, I can't.

• 58:05Sam Morril?

  It's like, it's block screen.

• 58:06Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 58:07Sam Morril?

  It's the screen protector that blocks you.

• 58:08Mark Normand?

  Where do you get those?

• 58:10Sam Morril?

  Amazon.

• 58:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'm gonna get one. There it is.

• 58:12Speaker 02

  I can't remember who said that. There was a comedian said, you can't get that if you're married.

• 58:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's funny.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Why are you getting that? I don't know. I just, I just don't want people to see.

• 58:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:23Sam Morril?

  Man, man who hijack, wait, hold on. Man, man who's hijacked text caused plane to turn back, said it was banter with coworker, police say.

• 58:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. So, it was a joke.

• 58:32Sam Morril?

  So, it wasn't, it wasn't anything?

• 58:35Speaker 02

  No, they turned, they turned the plane around, but it was nothing.

• 58:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 58:39Sam Morril?

  That's crazy, though.

• 58:40Mark Normand?

  That is kinda crazy. She's reading texts. But what if it saved lives? So, kinda is an interesting argument.

• 58:46Sam Morril?

  I guess you can't say hijack on a plane.

• 58:48Mark Normand?

  I guess not.

• 58:49Sam Morril?

  It's like saying fire in a movie theater.

• 58:50Mark Normand?

  What if you see your buddy, hey, Jack? Hijack.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  That's where the term hijack comes from, by the way.

• 58:55Mark Normand?

  What?

• 58:56Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 58:56Speaker 02

  When you pull up to a truck, they used to call people like Jack or Mac.

• 58:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:00Speaker 02

  Like, hey, Jack. You pull up to a truck and you say, hijack. And you take the fucking truck.

• 59:05Sam Morril?

  Interesting.

• 59:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow. Interesting. That was a thing in New York. They'd ask you what time it was and then they'd hit you.

• 59:12Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 59:13Mark Normand?

  What time you got? Then you look down, boom.

• 59:16Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 59:17Mark Normand?

  And then in New Orleans, they said, I bet I can tell you where you got your shoes. And you go, I bet you can't. And the guy goes, five bucks. And he goes, on your feet. And you go, ah, jeez. There you go, you fucking hobo.

• 59:27Sam Morril?

  That's good. It's good stuff. Remember those guys that used to come on the subway? The two run, run, run, the two run, run, run. In the White House, there's a black guy. I'm like, we've heard this one already. You stole this from the other hobos.

• 59:42Mark Normand?

  I love the, we, we, I needed the barber shop guys back. That was quaint.

• 59:49Mark Normand?

  Those guys are great.

• 59:50Sam Morril?

  It's definitely better than the mariachi band.

• 59:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. There's always three old black guys and one will go, ooh.

• 59:57Mark Normand?

  Do bop bop, be do bop bop.

• 1:00:01Sam Morril?

  Remember, remember Greg Giraldo used to do a bit where?

• 1:00:03Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:00:04Sam Morril?

  How did these guys even meet? They're just around a campfire. I smoke crack, me two, me three. Such a good fucking bit.

• 1:00:11Mark Normand?

  Man, he had some great stuff. He had that great thing. We're so fat in America, everything reminds us of food. He's like, my house is on fire. Marshmallow.

• 1:00:19Sam Morril?

  Oh, man. Every bit.

• 1:00:21Mark Normand?

  Edible panties. We have, we're eating our panties. Like, that's how fat we are.

• 1:00:25Sam Morril?

  Death by chocolate.

• 1:00:26Mark Normand?

  Death by chocolate.

• 1:00:28Sam Morril?

  Did you have any room for dessert?

• 1:00:29Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:00:30Sam Morril?

  That's how fucking fat we are?

• 1:00:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:32Sam Morril?

  That was a great bit.

• 1:00:33Mark Normand?

  How old are you now?

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  We're at one hour, but do you guys have any bits you're working on? We do a thing called working on any bits on this podcast.

• 1:00:39Mark Normand?

  I got a bit.

• 1:00:40Sam Morril?

  What do you got?

• 1:00:41Mark Normand?

  All right, this is a, this bit needs an ending, but it's hitting. So I say, you know, marriage is not that hard, but when you bring a kid in, that's when it gets challenging. Like, being married is like being two pilots. You know, you're both flying through the air. You're like a team. You hit some turbulence, but you make it work. Being married with a kid is like being two pilots, but there's a terrorist on board. And that kills.

• 1:01:02Sam Morril?

  That's funny.

• 1:01:03Mark Normand?

  And then, uh, I don't know where to go with it. So the line I have now is, the only difference is, at least with a terrorist, you can tie him up and beat the shit out of him, and everybody's proud of you. If I do that at Target, I get kicked out or something like that. But I think I can do better.

• 1:01:16Sam Morril?

  It's a great start. Yeah.

• 1:01:18Mark Normand?

  Terrorists, they're, they're very similar. They make demands, they're screaming.

• 1:01:21Sam Morril?

  That's good. I think that's the angle, rather than beating the shit out of them. I like, yeah, they make demands.

• 1:01:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're just, demands are funnier.

• 1:01:28Sam Morril?

  And then you're like, we don't negotiate with terrorists.

• 1:01:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yes.

• 1:01:32Sam Morril?

  But as a parent, you know, we kind of have to.

• 1:01:34Mark Normand?

  You kind of have to.

• 1:01:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, because we're stuck with them.

• 1:01:36Mark Normand?

  I want to stay up late and eat cookies. You're like, all right, well, half an hour or something. But with a terrorist, it's like, you can't.

• 1:01:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's like, um, fuck.

• 1:01:45Mark Normand?

  You know, terrorists will be in an office building, like, I'll blow the whole thing up. I need $10 million cash and a, and a private jet to Hawaii. And you're like, okay, okay, hold on, but.

• 1:01:52Sam Morril?

  But instead of like women and children go, it's like, all right, let me, let me get this work done.

• 1:01:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, right, right, yeah.

• 1:02:01Sam Morril?

  Terrorists.

• 1:02:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're very similar to terrorist kids. They're screaming, you know, they're, they're, uh.

• 1:02:09Sam Morril?

  Gee, we have another terrorist on the way.

• 1:02:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, right.

• 1:02:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's, it is like, uh. Fuck.

• 1:02:17Mark Normand?

  Maybe there's something funny about, the only difference is a terrorist didn't, didn't show up because you got drunk and got laid.

• 1:02:23Sam Morril?

  I like the other stuff better. I like, I like where you're going before. Like, I like, uh.

• 1:02:27Mark Normand?

  They're similar, terrorists and babies?

• 1:02:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Because a terrorist you can just kill. Yeah.

• 1:02:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you can't kill your kid.

• 1:02:37Mark Normand?

  Can't kill your kid. Not, not now, maybe earlier.

• 1:02:39Sam Morril?

  It's, I like, it's the one terrorist you have to negotiate with.

• 1:02:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's interesting.

• 1:02:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, like, uh.

• 1:02:47Sam Morril?

  I think that's the angle. It's like, uh.

• 1:02:49Mark Normand?

  I want cookies for dinner. One cookie. Like, you're doing, you know, you're going back and forth a little bit.

• 1:02:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:59Sam Morril?

  Instead of, and it's like, but it's like, instead of valuing your safety, you're valuing your sleep.

• 1:03:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:05Sam Morril?

  There's also an angle too about like, it's like being a pilot where like, you can do it with one. It's easier with two. You can kind of take shifts.

• 1:03:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, divorced dad, yeah, right, a single parent.

• 1:03:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, all of a sudden, you're, you're showing up in a different plane, to a smaller plane. Your mom's got the good one.

• 1:03:22Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:03:23Sam Morril?

  I got a shuttle.

• 1:03:24Mark Normand?

  Maybe there's something funny, you're negotiating with the guy on the plane as if he's a kid. Like, imagine if you go up to, you know, the guy, crazy terrorist guy, be like, okay, you can have one Elmo. You know, like, we'll give you one thing.

• 1:03:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, one string cheese.

• 1:03:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, one ice cream. Well, if you let us land this plane, we'll give you ice cream, you know?

• 1:03:47Speaker 02

  Also, sleep deprivation is a torture.

• 1:03:49Mark Normand?

  Ah, yes, yes.

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  That time is waterboarding.

• 1:03:51Sam Morril?

  It's also funny that.

• 1:03:52Mark Normand?

  Yes, that's good.

• 1:03:54Sam Morril?

  It's also funny that it's a lot of the stuff you do to calm down a kid is stuff that's allowed on a plane. Snacks, movies.

• 1:04:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:04:02Sam Morril?

  You know, I don't know, I don't know where to go with that, but there's something like.

• 1:04:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. Also, people hate babies on a plane and a terrorist on a plane.

• 1:04:10Sam Morril?

  That's a good way to come back to it.

• 1:04:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:12Sam Morril?

  Either way, when one comes on a plane, you're like, fuck.

• 1:04:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, right. Yes, yes, that's good.

• 1:04:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, when a, when a terrorist goes, Allah Akbar, or when a baby goes, wah, it's the same feeling. You're like, oh, no.

• 1:04:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, either way, you both, you, you, either way, you go, fuck.

• 1:04:34Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. All right, all right, this is a lot to play with.

• 1:04:37Sam Morril?

  Fuck.

• 1:04:37Mark Normand?

  I like to negotiate.

• 1:04:38Sam Morril?

  I brought a good book. That's fun.

• 1:04:41Mark Normand?

  Ah, they're sitting next to me.

• 1:04:44Sam Morril?

  I got a few things. I got a few things about AI.

• 1:04:48Sam Morril?

  About how, uh, I asked AI, like, I was like, because it was saying it might kill us, and I was like, I asked, are you gonna kill us? And AI said 55% of people think AI will one day pose a risk to the human race. I think that's a fair thing to take seriously. And I was like, that's fucking crazy that you're honest about it.

• 1:05:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:06Sam Morril?

  It's also crazy, like, because I still talk to you all the time. Like, can you imagine having a friend who was like, I might kill you. And you're like, you're gonna fucking kill me? He's like, maybe? And you're like, that's fucking crazy. And then an hour later, you just forget about it, and you're like, hey, what's a good schnitzel recipe?

• 1:05:21Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:05:21Sam Morril?

  There's something to that, I think, about like, how we're just casually using the thing that might kill us.

• 1:05:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:25Sam Morril?

  And then, um, what else do I have? I have to try some of this other shit.

• 1:05:30Mark Normand?

  Maybe something like, it's kind of like drunk driving. Like, I know it's bad, but you still do it. Like, what's something that could still kill you, but we kind of still all do it?

• 1:05:39Sam Morril?

  Drink.

• 1:05:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:05:41Sam Morril?

  That could be the angle. Maybe it's like, AI might kill me, but some might fucking whiskey.

• 1:05:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I'm doing that.

• 1:05:48Sam Morril?

  In the meantime, both are, uh, answering a lot of life's questions.

• 1:05:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, both are a quick fix.

• 1:05:54Sam Morril?

  Both are, yeah, both are, uh.

• 1:05:57Sam Morril?

  Both are helping me, uh. I don't know what I'm trying to.

• 1:06:00Mark Normand?

  Both probably shouldn't be legal, but they are.

• 1:06:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah. What else do I have? Well, I have another one I want to run by you. This one might have more legs. That one, I, that one, whatever, we'll figure that out, but.

• 1:06:11Mark Normand?

  It's an, it's, it's a true premise.

• 1:06:13Sam Morril?

  True premise.

• 1:06:13Mark Normand?

  That is, that is the thing.

• 1:06:15Sam Morril?

  Needs one more thing. Because the idea that we just use it and disregard it is interesting.

• 1:06:17Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:06:18Sam Morril?

  Let me try this other one. I have a thing about abortion that's hitting, and I want to add to it, the idea that like, uh, I'm at the age now, if I come into a woman, I just have to keep it. I say, once you hit 40, I think I'm pro-life.

• 1:06:33Sam Morril?

  You can't be over 40 at the abortion clinic. It's like being the old dude at the club. People are like, you still haven't figured it out?

• 1:06:39Mark Normand?

  That's interesting.

• 1:06:40Sam Morril?

  There's something interesting in that. These are the two I can't really crack.

• 1:06:43Mark Normand?

  Maybe they, maybe it's something with, uh, women can't get pregnant at a certain age, you can't get an abortion at a certain age.

• 1:06:51Sam Morril?

  I think that's good. I think that's the angle. Yeah, it's like, either way, you're just like, yeah, this is it for you.

• 1:06:56Mark Normand?

  Yes, this is it for you. Their life, they're like, I wanted a kid, I can't do it, I waited too long. And you're like, I waited too long, I have to have it.

• 1:07:04Sam Morril?

  Even if you're a loser, like, oh, you have a roommate? You got to have a, a third roommate.

• 1:07:08Mark Normand?

  Third roommate, yeah.

• 1:07:09Sam Morril?

  You got to figure it out.

• 1:07:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I love the angle of like, when you hit 40, you have to have.

• 1:07:14Sam Morril?

  You're pro-life.

• 1:07:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's really good.

• 1:07:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think that's something there. All right, I'll try it tonight.

• 1:07:19Mark Normand?

  You don't want to be the old guy at the club, you don't want to be the old guy at the abortion clinic, you know?

• 1:07:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, there's something there. Yeah, we'll plug some dates too. What do you got?

• 1:07:29Mark Normand?

  All right, all right.

• 1:07:30Sam Morril?

  Watch the new Netflix special, by the way, Incorrect. Please give it another watch. I'm getting a lot of nice messages. I appreciate it.

• 1:07:35Mark Normand?

  People are crazy. I had a guy on the train today, and he was like, I'm a huge fan of you and Sam, I, I listen every week. And I go, oh, you know, he's got a Netflix special out. And he goes, he does? I'm like, what the hell is this?

• 1:07:47Sam Morril?

  People don't make it to the end. I should say it in the beginning.

• 1:07:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 1:07:52Speaker 02

  This is Sammy's.

• 1:07:53Sam Morril?

  Oh, I got Stand Up Live in Phoenix, November 13th through 15th. That'll be fun as hell. Got Pittsburgh Improv, November, uh, is it 20?

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  19.

• 1:08:03Sam Morril?

  19 through 21st.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:05Sam Morril?

  November 19th through 21st, Pittsburgh Improv. Then I'm in Cleveland at Hilarities. Might add a show there. Then we add, uh, Madison, Wisconsin, the following weekend, December 10th through 12th. We'll definitely add a show, maybe two there. Then we got McGooby's Joke House, December 17th through 19th in Baltimore area. Miami Improv in January, and then, uh, West Palm Improv as well. So see you guys on the road. SamEarl.com/shows or Punch Up. Follow us on Punch Up. Mark, where are you gonna be?

• 1:08:34Mark Normand?

  I just popped it to the back. Shows you the, uh, the instructions.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  Come with instructions. All right, we got November 6th. Mark, you're gonna be in San Jose, California?

• 1:08:45Mark Normand?

  San Jose, that's a big room. Then we got, uh, Cap City Comedy Club. Sorry, Rogan, going to the other room.

• 1:08:51Sam Morril?

  Why? What's the reason for that?

• 1:08:53Mark Normand?

  Uh, I can't remember. I think I'm doing mothership later, so I said, ah, fuck it, I'll do the other club. Uh, Palazzo in the, at Vegas, love that theater. Indio, California, Fantasy Springs Casino. Charlotte at the Comedy Zone, I love that club. I love the Carolinas. There's the mothership later. And, uh, yeah, come on out. I think I'm doing some other, oh, Cedar Showroom in Foxwoods, Connecticut. Did I miss one? Oh, Verona, New York. Keep going down.

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  Whoopsie.

• 1:09:22Mark Normand?

  Verona, New York, uh, where'd it go? Oh, there it is. One up, yeah, Event Center at Turning Stone.

• 1:09:28Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's a cool one. I've been there.

• 1:09:30Mark Normand?

  And I'm doing Atlantic City. I don't know why that's not on there. Atlantic City at the Tropicana, which I've never done.

• 1:09:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  And a big weekend in Pittsburgh on April 9th.

• 1:09:38Mark Normand?

  That's a makeup date, yeah. Got the hair surgery, and I fucked up that date.

• 1:09:42Sam Morril?

  We love you guys. Buy some Bodega Cat. New Bodega Cat merch coming soon.

• 1:09:46Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:09:47Sam Morril?

  Bodega Cat Whiskey on Instagram. Send a message. Uh, love you guys. Hot up, man.

• 1:09:52Mark Normand?

  Fun time.

• 1:09:53Sam Morril?

  Had a guest bail. We're gonna reschedule with him, but yeah, this was, this was fun as hell.

• 1:09:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, he'll be back. Thank you, gang. Comedy, we'll see ya.

• 1:10:00Speaker 03

  Sunday's the day for my next offender. A bit of Peverecky, know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming, and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I've remembered her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

• 1:10:46Speaker 04

  LinkedIn is pretty amazing at helping you grow your small business. We cannot stop your new clients from emailing you at 3 a.m. We can help you sell, market, and hire in one place. We cannot help you be in three places at once. And while we can't help you organize your calendar, LinkedIn can help you land more clients so you have a calendar to organize. Grow your small business on LinkedIn. Learn more at LinkedIn.com/smallbusiness.