Ep 275: Simon Rex - Mark Normand & Sam Morril

Simon Rex subs in after a mystery guest gets pulled. Mark, Sam, and Simon riff on bad gigs, Oscar picks, Scary Movie, Charlie Sheen, Tupac, Michael Jordan, war movies, bathhouses, weird pet peeves, and Simon’s latest movie projects, with plenty of chaos about PR teams, naps, shrimp tails, and why some people absolutely cannot handle a fart. Operation Taco Gary's: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RWJfeKsSS0 Sponsored by: Willie’s Remedy Order now at https://drinkwillies.com and use code WMBD for 20% off your first order + free shipping on orders over $95, and enjoy life in the high country. Pestie Bugs hate to see you coming with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/MIGHTBEDRUNK for 10% off your order. Hims To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://Hims.com/DRUNK Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #SimonRex #WilliesRemedy #Pestie #Hims #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah, man.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Hey, we're here. We might be drunk, folks.

• 0:09Sam Morril?

  I might be hungover.

• 0:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, good. Well, let's see. You're in the right place.

• 0:13Sam Morril?

  I'm feeling it, dude.

• 0:14Mark Normand?

  We can have a cocktail. Wow, look at that. Noir, Florida.

• 0:18Sam Morril?

  You're a good photographer, buddy. Hey, thanks, pal.

• 0:20Mark Normand?

  Love the lights. Love the sold out. Great.

• 0:23Sam Morril?

  Three shows in the Tampa Theater.

• 0:24Mark Normand?

  Wow, look at that suit.

• 0:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we had a good time, man.

• 0:27Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's a great shot.

• 0:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he got some great shots. I was, I would say, I feel like I got it Thursday, so first show, we had three shows, two Friday, one Thursday. I was like, I got it Thursday. And then the early show Friday was even better. And I was like, oh, that's, I'm not gonna top that show. And I was right. The late show Friday was a little stiff.

• 0:43Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 0:44Sam Morril?

  Not bad, but not like at the level.

• 0:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 0:46Sam Morril?

  Early show, I was like, oh, this is what I want on every joke.

• 0:50Mark Normand?

  That's nice. Nice to get it early, too.

• 0:52Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 0:52Mark Normand?

  Because I've had the one where you get it on the last show and you're like, thank God, we got that one.

• 0:56Sam Morril?

  I know. Yeah, I was, I was, uh, I started definitely pounding a little more bodega cat in between those shows because I'm good.

• 1:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03Sam Morril?

  Does that affect your performance if the crowd isn't giving you?

• 1:05Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I mean, if you're fucking a girl and she's just laying there, it ain't great.

• 1:11Mark Normand?

  That's perfect. You'd almost rather the faking, because at least that'd get your ego up.

• 1:15Sam Morril?

  Although Cosby is probably the same either way, because he's kind of a slow, sit-on-a-stool type of guy, so.

• 1:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:20Sam Morril?

  Either way, it's like, I don't need any energy. I can handle this.

• 1:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:24Sam Morril?

  But, yeah, man, no, I think, uh, yeah, I need energy. I need, I mean, it's so, and, and, yeah, I slow down when they're slow. And then you just kind of get worse laughs, I think. You can't really build momentum.

• 1:36Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:36Sam Morril?

  We made the mistake of then going too fast. Either way, it adapts. It's not good.

• 1:40Mark Normand?

  Now, what is this? Like your sixth hour?

• 1:42Sam Morril?

  Something like that. I don't know.

• 1:43Mark Normand?

  Do you feel, do you have any taping nerves still?

• 1:46Sam Morril?

  None, dude.

• 1:46Mark Normand?

  That's nice.

• 1:47Sam Morril?

  I do feel like with this one, I ran it so much leading into it that it got like, so I did Carnegie Hall in December, and I feel like it's, my friend saw it in Stanford like two weeks ago, and he was like, oh, it's like a different hour. It's so.

• 1:59Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:59Sam Morril?

  He's like, you cut so much fat. So, you know, you do like eight hours, nine hours a week on the road.

• 2:04Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 2:04Sam Morril?

  And you keep running it, and you're like, oh, I. You keep believing in that one or two lines that aren't hitting.

• 2:09Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 2:10Sam Morril?

  I like that line, but then you're like, let me just try a different line once and you replace it and it's better. And you're like, fuck, I should have done that a month ago.

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 2:17Sam Morril?

  You get married to dumb lines.

• 2:19Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 2:19Sam Morril?

  That you're like, that's a good line and it's not.

• 2:22Mark Normand?

  But you ever have that thing on Reddit where someone's like, they quote one of the lines and you're like, that's the one I liked that no one else liked. And you're like, that was for that one guy.

• 2:29Sam Morril?

  I'll keep a couple.

• 2:30Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 2:30Sam Morril?

  You can only have a couple. Once you, once you do too many of those, you become a shitty comic.

• 2:34Mark Normand?

  That's a good point, yeah.

• 2:35Sam Morril?

  Cause you're just like, yeah, this special's for me. Yeah, it's a fun, we did a little.

• 2:37Mark Normand?

  Wow, look at that. He looked 10 feet tall there.

• 2:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I should have gotten those pants taken in one more time. They didn't really.

• 2:42Mark Normand?

  I think it's a look. I like it. It's a look. A little baggy, a little like, uh, what do you call that?

• 2:48Sam Morril?

  Like old Hollywood suits.

• 2:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 2:50Sam Morril?

  And look at this.

• 2:51Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 2:52Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, Swartson and Vida, we end up having like a three hour breakfast the morning of.

• 2:57Mark Normand?

  I love a three hour breakfast.

• 2:58Sam Morril?

  Love it. Man, it just, yeah, you're like, I love when the vibes are so good, no one wants to leave.

• 3:02Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. That's a real comedy thing. Like, I'll get in the green room. I never want to leave it.

• 3:06Sam Morril?

  I know. He wants us to do a comedy cruise. He was like, let's do a comedy cruise. It's the only sober guy I know that wants to go on a fucking boat.

• 3:12Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 3:13Sam Morril?

  And he was like, would you do it? And I'm like, honestly, no. And then he told me, he asked Jeselnik and he said, I'd need Saudi money.

• 3:19Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's a great line. Saudi on the seas.

• 3:24Sam Morril?

  But I was like, dude, I hate, I'm not a boat. You hate boats, right?

• 3:27Mark Normand?

  I've done two of them and I get stir crazy. Just staring out that little porthole, looking at just vast ocean. Who the hell's this?

• 3:36Mark Normand?

  Uh, the, the cruise, therefore I did the Burt one and I just drank the whole time. That's how I got through it.

• 3:41Sam Morril?

  Oh, God. It's, it's brutal.

• 3:44Mark Normand?

  And the hang helps.

• 3:44Sam Morril?

  Well, they asked me to do Burt's. His manager was a lot. And she was like demanding I give an answer a year out, whether or not I do it.

• 3:52Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 3:52Sam Morril?

  And I was puking. It was, I had gone out with Julian Edelman the night before. We were getting, it was like the last night of our podcast together. We got fucking blitzed.

• 4:00Mark Normand?

  I remember this night.

• 4:00Sam Morril?

  I was puking all day and she goes, I need an answer today. And I was like, well, if it's today, it's no. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna agree to a Burt cruise while I'm puking. It's not happening.

• 4:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. That's like going Epstein's Island while I'm at a playground. But, yeah, that's enough. Bert's doing another thing in the Ozarks.

• 4:19Sam Morril?

  What?

• 4:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's called Comedy on the Lake, and they needed an answer. And I was like, ah, and I was hung-

• 4:25Sam Morril?

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• 4:46Mark Normand?

  That's the best wool.

• 4:47Sam Morril?

  That's that wool keeps your feet nice and warm in the winter.

• 4:50Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 4:51Sam Morril?

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• 5:14Mark Normand?

  No.

• 5:15Sam Morril?

  Ethical, right? Uh, no animal testing, probably, ethical.

• 5:18Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 5:19Sam Morril?

  I, I wear their shit all the time.

• 5:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Quince.

• 5:21Sam Morril?

  I love it, dude. It's quality, it fits right, and it's not expensive. I, I love it. And I like what, like, it's not the logo everywhere on it.

• 5:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 5:29Sam Morril?

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• 5:50Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

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• 6:21Mark Normand?

  Over. And I was like, I don't know if I could do it.

• 6:23Sam Morril?

  Comedy on the Lakes. A lot of meth in those parts.

• 6:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. But it's one show and just party on a lake on a boat, you know, Waterworld, whatever the hell. And I just was like, I got a kid now. I don't, I can't be drowning in an ocean or a lake while hungover.

• 6:37Sam Morril?

  I never thought I'd see the day.

• 6:38Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 6:39Sam Morril?

  Mark turned down a gig. We need confetti to fall down.

• 6:43Mark Normand?

  Yes. Well, I had a ton of other gigs around. It was too much. There you go, Peters. Timing. Comedy's all about timing. Uh, yeah, turned it down. But you remember in Dublin for that festival, we'd, me, you, Colin Quinn.

• 6:58Sam Morril?

  Nate.

• 6:59Mark Normand?

  Nate would all meet for breakfast. Chrissy D.

• 7:01Sam Morril?

  Rachel.

• 7:02Mark Normand?

  We'd spend five hours at this diner.

• 7:04Sam Morril?

  We ended up in this really nice museum.

• 7:07Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 7:07Sam Morril?

  We were like the trashy Americans there where Chris DiStefano just lets out the loudest fart and everyone just stares at us and we all started laughing.

• 7:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:14Sam Morril?

  And we're like, wow, we do not belong.

• 7:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:16Sam Morril?

  In any sophisticated places.

• 7:18Mark Normand?

  It stunk too. I remember that fart too.

• 7:20Sam Morril?

  It was a bad fart.

• 7:20Mark Normand?

  That was a crazy American turd.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  Oh, I just realized something. You, I just heard your act, your whole act for the first time in a long time.

• 7:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 7:29Speaker 03

  This weekend, you have an Anne Frank bit.

• 7:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  And you have an Anne Frank bit.

• 7:32Mark Normand?

  Well, she's a very popular comedy person. She's mentioned a lot.

• 7:36Sam Morril?

  She, uh, she paid her dues so that we could all talk about it.

• 7:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:41Sam Morril?

  Good writer, good writer. Game recognized game. Hell, yeah.

• 7:44Mark Normand?

  Love The Diary. Big fan. And we all lived in small apartments.

• 7:50Sam Morril?

  Well, people were like, keep it down up there.

• 7:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I took, my Anne Frank bit took like eight months to perfect. It was such a weird bit.

• 7:58Sam Morril?

  It took a while for me too. It was, it was a blessing that I didn't get let into the Anne Frank house in Amsterdam because being annoyed I couldn't get in, I was like, oh, this is clearly a bit.

• 8:05Mark Normand?

  Ah, right, right.

• 8:07Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah. How long's your bit?

• 8:10Mark Normand?

  Thirty seconds. It's just a quick, like, two liner.

• 8:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, you gotta have, gotta have everything, man. There's every, you go over the whole hour, you're like, it's, that's the crazy thing about taping is you're like, ah, this, I want this part to pop, I want this part to pop. I have little lines and if they don't get a line, I, I kind of write off the crowd.

• 8:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:28Sam Morril?

  If they don't get like a pop from just even a setup that I was like, that should hit. And if it doesn't hit, I'm like, fuck, they're gonna, they're gonna be dumb.

• 8:34Mark Normand?

  I know. I have a lot of those too. You want every line to hit. And they've hit before, so you're like, come on, they hit last time. We gotta hit this time.

• 8:41Sam Morril?

  Oh, dude, yeah. But, uh, where were you? Were you here this weekend?

• 8:45Mark Normand?

  No, I had a wacky one. I went to, I did Club Shea Shea.

• 8:49Sam Morril?

  Oh, shit.

• 8:50Mark Normand?

  In Vegas. I can tell you, it's kind of.

• 8:52Sam Morril?

  Crazy it's in Vegas.

• 8:54Mark Normand?

  Well, he used to be in LA and it got too expensive, so he moved to Vegas.

• 8:57Sam Morril?

  Damn, California's losing everybody, dude.

• 8:59Mark Normand?

  They really, Spielberg left, Zuckerberg.

• 9:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  I heard a baseball player was supposed to sign for San Diego Padres and he was like, "Taxes are too high, I'm signing back in Arizona."

• 9:08Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  Like, he turned down a whole state.

• 9:10Sam Morril?

  I'd rather lose.

• 9:11Speaker 03

  Exactly.

• 9:12Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 9:13Sam Morril?

  I'd rather never win a World Series.

• 9:14Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 9:15Sam Morril?

  Although these Dodger guys don't give a shit, because they're overpaying anyway.

• 9:18Mark Normand?

  But San Diego's a great city, I'd love to live in San Diego, but the taxes, they take half of it.

• 9:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 9:23Mark Normand?

  It's crazy.

• 9:24Sam Morril?

  We live in New York.

• 9:25Mark Normand?

  I know, it's a nightmare.

• 9:26Sam Morril?

  It's crazy. So, how was Shay Shay?

• 9:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, man, well, first off, I flew to Vegas, I landed at 12:30, and his pod was at 2:00. So, I was like, "Great, I'll rent a car and buzz ride over." Flight delayed.

• 9:39Sam Morril?

  Ooh.

• 9:39Mark Normand?

  So, I was the white guy, late to the black pod, tables have turned, and, uh, he was a little miffed, I think.

• 9:45Sam Morril?

  He was annoyed that you were late?

• 9:46Mark Normand?

  I was like 40 minutes late, and he was just sitting there, like, "I got here at 2:00," and I'm like, "The flight was delayed, what do you want from me? I flew here for you." But, um...

• 9:54Sam Morril?

  He's a, he's a pro, he's a Hall of Famer. He probably would have been like, "You should have flown in the night before for me."

• 9:58Mark Normand?

  I know, I know, but he was cool, and I gotta tell you, right when that camera turned on, he was killing, he was charming, he was on, he's, he did his homework, he had great questions for me. I was like, "How'd you know that?"

• 10:09Sam Morril?

  You misspoke a couple of times, but you have Tourette's, so it's not...

• 10:12Mark Normand?

  I made that joke too, yeah. He died, he gave me the "hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo." I called him Sharpie, I, I made fun of his Lululemon outfits.

• 10:20Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 10:20Mark Normand?

  And we had a great time. Uh, the only thing, we got into it on the Black National Anthem.

• 10:25Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 10:25Mark Normand?

  Because I was like, "I think it's weird, like, let's come together and have one anthem." And he's like, "Well, the history," and I'm like, "Well, let's make a new one, I don't like two." And I'm like, "What about an Asian anthem? What about a handicap anthem?" And he was like, "Ah, I don't know, you're crazy." But other than that, it was, it was flawless, a lot of laughs.

• 10:40Sam Morril?

  That's huge, that's a big one.

• 10:41Mark Normand?

  We had a good time, and then I got drunk on Cavassier.

• 10:44Sam Morril?

  With him?

• 10:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Well, I drank, he didn't. And then, uh, because it's, it's sitting right there, I told him about Bodega Cat, I wore the Bodega Cat shirt.

• 10:51Sam Morril?

  Ooh.

• 10:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so hopefully that helps, and then...

• 10:53Sam Morril?

  I don't know if I've ever been Cavassier drunk.

• 10:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was weird, uh... I started rapping and my dick grew.

• 11:01Mark Normand?

  But, uh, we had a great time. He's a cool dude and a great interviewer. I was very impressed and then I-

• 11:07Sam Morril?

  What kind of stuff did he, what's like, what's a good question?

• 11:09Mark Normand?

  Like, he asked me about my bedwetting, my childhood, like, he's like, "You must have had trauma if you did this and that." And I was like, gee, he was like a therapist.

• 11:17Sam Morril?

  This guy's a tight end in the NFL and he's like, "Are you okay?"

• 11:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:21Sam Morril?

  I love that.

• 11:21Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, I made some CTE jokes. We had a good time.

• 11:24Sam Morril?

  Damn, he looked, I mean, look, he's a tight end. You know what else is a tight end? Fucking Aaron Hernandez. Some hits, I guess, fuck the brain up. I don't know.

• 11:31Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 11:32Sam Morril?

  I don't know enough about it, but goddamn.

• 11:34Mark Normand?

  Well, I choked. No, but, uh, yeah, well, he was hung? He hung himself, yeah. Oh, boy.

• 11:40Sam Morril?

  Andy, Andy had a big day.

• 11:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 11:42Sam Morril?

  Well, probably. No, but, no, he, yeah, he hung himself.

• 11:46Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 11:47Sam Morril?

  Hernandez was gay.

• 11:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  And he murdered someone in college?

• 11:51Sam Morril?

  A lot going on.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  What the fuck?

• 11:53Sam Morril?

  It's almost like too much to keep track of.

• 11:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. And he was a Bronco?

• 11:56Sam Morril?

  No, uh, Sharp was in a Raven.

• 11:59Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 12:00Sam Morril?

  But, uh, Hernandez was a Patriot.

• 12:02Mark Normand?

  Patriot, damn.

• 12:03Sam Morril?

  You guys are this country.

• 12:04Mark Normand?

  And he killed his girlfriend?

• 12:05Sam Morril?

  He killed a guy.

• 12:06Mark Normand?

  A guy?

• 12:07Sam Morril?

  It was like some gangster shit. I don't know.

• 12:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, but he killed somebody in college too. I didn't drive by.

• 12:11Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 12:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, watch the doc. It's insane.

• 12:13Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 12:14Sam Morril?

  I did watch. I remember that.

• 12:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:15Sam Morril?

  He had two kills?

• 12:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:17Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 12:18Speaker 03

  More kills than rings.

• 12:21Mark Normand?

  By the way, there was a shooter in Austin. My big tweet was, uh, finally someone in Austin killed, but still just for three people.

• 12:27Sam Morril?

  Wow, that's solid.

• 12:29Mark Normand?

  I had to delete it because I didn't want to get the whole thing started.

• 12:32Sam Morril?

  So you retold it on the podcast?

• 12:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Property of my life. Um, but yeah, so, uh, great weekend. I did a, I did a rock show at the end of my, so I had an opener and he's like, "I see you're in Vegas. You want to do a, a stand-up set?"

• 12:49Sam Morril?

  I think you did a show with Chris Rock.

• 12:52Mark Normand?

  No, no, I did a show at like a rock club and then, uh, drove to Flagstaff, Arizona, did a show there and then drove to Tucson, did a casino and flew home.

• 13:00Sam Morril?

  Damn, so three nights?

• 13:01Mark Normand?

  Three nights, yeah. A lot of driving.

• 13:03Sam Morril?

  That is a lot. Were you solo? You, you had someone with you?

• 13:06Mark Normand?

  I had an opener with me, but boy, we, we did it up in Vegas. Went to bed at 6:30. Just kept gambling. Which is nine thirty in New York time.

• 13:14Sam Morril?

  What were you playing?

• 13:15Mark Normand?

  Just roulette and blackjack. Just the drinks kept flowing. It was wild.

• 13:20Sam Morril?

  I don't think I've ever played roulette.

• 13:21Mark Normand?

  What? That's the best game.

• 13:23Sam Morril?

  Is it?

• 13:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, because there's no math. It's all about the ball, you know? You don't have to like do card thinking.

• 13:29Sam Morril?

  I'm so bad at gambling. Once, I get to a point where like, you know, at a certain point, I'm just like, fuck it, all on one hand. I just get bored and I just throw everything down.

• 13:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:37Sam Morril?

  But that's why you lose. I'll be up and I'm like, fuck it, I don't give a shit.

• 13:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:41Sam Morril?

  You just give yourself an allotment. I'm okay losing this shit.

• 13:44Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly. Well, my opener, he's a pro. He was up four grand.

• 13:47Sam Morril?

  What?

• 13:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's good. So, uh, we had a nice, like, swingers breakfast, you know, with the sun coming up. It was great.

• 13:54Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 13:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:55Sam Morril?

  I do, I remember telling I pulled an all-nighter like that once and it was like one of the best nights. Both won like fifteen hundred or so.

• 14:01Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 14:02Sam Morril?

  Nice, nice night.

• 14:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Well, Flagstaff, underrated town.

• 14:06Sam Morril?

  I've never been.

• 14:07Mark Normand?

  Crunchy little mountain town in the middle of Arizona. Really cool.

• 14:10Sam Morril?

  I gotta do more shit like that. I literally have nothing on my fucking schedule right now. It's like the first time.

• 14:15Mark Normand?

  Take a breather.

• 14:15Sam Morril?

  I'm taking a breather.

• 14:16Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 14:18Sam Morril?

  No, you're not.

• 14:19Mark Normand?

  Nah, later, later.

• 14:20Sam Morril?

  I got it, I got it. I think it'll be, get some more stories. You figure like a lot of my act is just me doing dumb drunk shit.

• 14:26Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 14:27Sam Morril?

  And I turn it into a story. So I'm like, I gotta, I gotta go do some more dumb drunk shit.

• 14:30Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah. Yeah.

• 14:33Sam Morril?

  Helps to make some bad decisions.

• 14:34Mark Normand?

  My nephew is sixteen, never had a sip of alcohol. And I'm like, you're fucking crazy. My whole teens, I was drunk. I don't remember any of it. So now we're comparing. We're doing this thing where I'm like, you have no friends, you're a virgin, and you play video games all day.

• 14:47Sam Morril?

  And he's like, lay off, man.

• 14:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like you could use a drink.

• 14:51Sam Morril?

  He hangs himself because you keep saying this to him? Damn, dude. No, I was the same way. I was like, we all got hammered all the time. We were like, we were bad kids. You just really, that's what you did. You just got drunk.

• 15:01Mark Normand?

  That's all we had, exactly.

• 15:03Sam Morril?

  But then you read all these studies and you're like, it's probably not good for your brain's development to be getting, you know, just pounding forties when you're fourteen.

• 15:09Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true. But if you got no friends.

• 15:11Sam Morril?

  They're still pussies.

• 15:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah. But like, he's like, well, it's, I'm not a very social guy. And I'm like, I'm not either. That's why I drank. So like, I'm trying to explain to him that drinking is a way to make friends and meet people, get laid, maybe.

• 15:24Sam Morril?

  Well, now he's an alcoholic and it's all thanks to you.

• 15:26Mark Normand?

  He got a DUI recently.

• 15:27Sam Morril?

  No, but I'm with you, dude. Get out there and have some, like, you don't have to get fucking lit up, but learn your limits, man.

• 15:32Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 15:33Sam Morril?

  And also, if it makes you more social, it's better than just hiding behind a screen. You don't have to drink, you can do other stuff, but like, you know.

• 15:39Mark Normand?

  And you know what?

• 15:40Sam Morril?

  Cocaine, heroin, there's other stuff you can do with friends.

• 15:42Mark Normand?

  Please. And it's healthy. Like, like, socializing is good for you. So like, I know drinking is unhealthy.

• 15:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 15:49Mark Normand?

  But so is staring at a screen for ten years.

• 15:52Sam Morril?

  Agree. We like, we don't know the mental impact, so.

• 15:54Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 15:55Sam Morril?

  You know?

• 15:56Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 15:56Sam Morril?

  And also, this shit will get you laid sometimes.

• 15:58Mark Normand?

  Right, right. There's women out there.

• 16:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 16:00Mark Normand?

  Go meet 'em.

• 16:01Sam Morril?

  It's fun. It's fun to make some mistakes.

• 16:04Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 16:04Sam Morril?

  You're gonna have to figure out the balance, though, as a parent. Cause like, are you gonna be a strict parent, or are you gonna let your kid run wild?

• 16:10Mark Normand?

  I think you, you stay strict, like, if he comes home drunk and he's like, you know, falling down, you go, you punish him, but you, you also know, like, this is not weird.

• 16:18Sam Morril?

  Damn, he's only two years old, he's already doing that? His first steps, he tripped.

• 16:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah. That was very Rodney. First steps, I tripped, too.

• 16:28Sam Morril?

  They're gonna drink too much, they took a urine sample, they found an olive in it, alright?

• 16:33Mark Normand?

  But yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm gonna go, if, you know, it's like, you catch your kid jerking off, you don't go, "What the fuck are you doing?"

• 16:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, you join in and you fuck off.

• 16:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you show him how to do it.

• 16:41Sam Morril?

  So this is how you do it.

• 16:42Mark Normand?

  You cup the balls.

• 16:46Mark Normand?

  Huge balls on my son.

• 16:47Sam Morril?

  Really? Huge balls?

• 16:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, I think the ball bag just comes out, it comes out full size, out of the gate.

• 16:52Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 16:53Mark Normand?

  The dick grows.

• 16:54Sam Morril?

  Hopefully.

• 16:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, god, I-

• 16:56Sam Morril?

  That's the thing, too, about the balls, is like, having two big balls is, it's bad. It's like having massive quads. It just makes your dick look smaller by comparison, you know?

• 17:05Mark Normand?

  You hear that, Ari?

• 17:07Mark Normand?

  So this is crazy, I was talking to a fellow comedian, I'm not gonna say who, and I was like, "Ah, my kid's dick is tiny, I'm a little worried," and he was like, "My kid's dick is tiny too, I'm worried," and I was like, "Oh yeah, well, well, what's your wife do?" And he's like, "Well, she's Asian," and I'm like, "Oh, you gotta, you gotta tell me that first. You got an Asian wife, no wonder, you're getting some gene stuff in there."

• 17:26Sam Morril?

  Whoa, are they responsible for the tiny dick, or the husband's?

• 17:29Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 17:30Sam Morril?

  I mean, I don't know.

• 17:30Mark Normand?

  I figure you put some Asian in there, it's gonna affect it. And the kid'll be smart! So it's a, it's a good and a bad. Yin and yang.

• 17:38Sam Morril?

  There's gotta be some Asian guys with massive dong, though. I'm looking it up.

• 17:41Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 17:42Sam Morril?

  And if you do it, don't act like you don't have it bookmarked. But I mean, but then you're like a star. You're like a fucking rock star.

• 17:48Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 17:49Sam Morril?

  Cause you're like, oh yeah. It's like a mis- it's like a really good misdirect.

• 17:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 17:52Sam Morril?

  You take your pants off and you're like, huh?

• 17:54Mark Normand?

  Yes. It's like a white guy who can dance. Hey.

• 17:57Sam Morril?

  That's fucking good.

• 17:58Mark Normand?

  That's AI. That looks fake.

• 18:00Sam Morril?

  That's gotta be it.

• 18:00Mark Normand?

  AI, Asian image?

• 18:02Sam Morril?

  Oh, here we go.

• 18:03Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 18:03Sam Morril?

  Dirk Diggel.

• 18:06Mark Normand?

  Alright. I mean, it's, it's not the biggest dog.

• 18:10Sam Morril?

  Alright, but?

• 18:11Mark Normand?

  It's above average.

• 18:13Sam Morril?

  Long duck dong, Peter said.

• 18:16Mark Normand?

  That's a joke from the eighties. Not our joke.

• 18:19Speaker 03

  So I learned something about the ball sack since we're talking about it.

• 18:21Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 18:21Sam Morril?

  Wow, I like that you're saying it like we're in NPR. A lot of people don't know this, but the history of the ball sack.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  Today on Delicious Balls. Um, that seam on your balls?

• 18:31Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 18:32Speaker 03

  Is the labia. It just gets sealed up on a guy.

• 18:36Mark Normand?

  Alright, I'll see you guys later. What the hell are you talking about?

• 18:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:40Mark Normand?

  They sew it up?

• 18:42Sam Morril?

  No, it just, it naturally.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  It naturally seals up and that becomes your testicle sack, but on a lady, that is the labia. It stays open.

• 18:49Mark Normand?

  Holy moly.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  Crazy.

• 18:52Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 18:53Mark Normand?

  And the clit is the dick.

• 18:55Speaker 03

  Gotta be.

• 18:55Mark Normand?

  Gotta be.

• 18:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:56Sam Morril?

  That's the sensitive area.

• 18:57Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 18:58Speaker 03

  It's like the head of the dick, but super tiny.

• 19:00Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 19:01Speaker 03

  Oh, let me Google big clits.

• 19:02Mark Normand?

  Boy, clits are so annoying. You're like, right when you find a clit.

• 19:07Sam Morril?

  This is the best beep of all time.

• 19:08Mark Normand?

  Well, right when you find the clit, it's like, go slower, softer. And then after a minute, she's like, go faster, harder. And I'm like, damn, this clit's crazy.

• 19:15Sam Morril?

  You gotta figure this thing out, yeah.

• 19:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah. It's like a code. Damn, that's a big clit. That I could find.

• 19:23Sam Morril?

  You're just giving them work now to blur shit out.

• 19:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true.

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Um.

• 19:27Mark Normand?

  That's huge. That'd be like my son's dick. Okay.

• 19:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, if you have a really small dick, you should just transition to have like a sick clit.

• 19:36Mark Normand?

  Sick clit. Now that's the punk man.

• 19:42Mark Normand?

  I can't find the chords.

• 19:45Sam Morril?

  This is a mess.

• 19:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, sick clit. Uh oh, is he here?

• 19:51Sam Morril?

  We're now joined by

• 19:53Sam Morril?

  Simon Rex, baby. We're joined by our buddy. Three time.

• 19:58Mark Normand?

  Hey, you got the clap.

• 20:00Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 20:00Sam Morril?

  Three time champ.

• 20:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:02Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 20:03Speaker 04

  Well, me and Ari are the three time champs.

• 20:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:05Mark Normand?

  Told Jews.

• 20:06Speaker 04

  We have a friendly beef about this because he came on after my first one. It's like, fuck you, but it was funny.

• 20:10Mark Normand?

  Ah, well. Luckily, he lives in Machu Picchu now. He's doing ayahuasca with a shaman in a, in a bush somewhere.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:17Mark Normand?

  He moved off.

• 20:18Speaker 04

  Oh, he did it again. He always goes off.

• 20:19Mark Normand?

  He's a wandering Jew. He just likes to.

• 20:22Speaker 04

  Us Jews wander.

• 20:23Mark Normand?

  That's true. Moses, the other guy.

• 20:25Sam Morril?

  He looks, he's looking more and more like Moses.

• 20:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  Moses was a Jew, right?

• 20:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:31Speaker 04

  Jesus was a Jew.

• 20:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  Yeah? Uh, all right. Well, this was fun.

• 20:35Mark Normand?

  Harvey.

• 20:36Sam Morril?

  Good app.

• 20:36Mark Normand?

  Bane off.

• 20:37Sam Morril?

  Already more popular than the Gary V app, apparently.

• 20:41Mark Normand?

  Is he? He's not Jewish, Gary V.

• 20:43Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 20:44Mark Normand?

  I think he said he was Greek.

• 20:45Speaker 03

  He said he was Greek.

• 20:46Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  Someone who's not a Jew.

• 20:48Mark Normand?

  He sure was Greek?

• 20:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like, bitch.

• 20:51Mark Normand?

  Ah, well, we don't want to talk about it.

• 20:52Sam Morril?

  We'll stop dwelling on that episode.

• 20:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, because people hated it.

• 20:54Speaker 04

  All right.

• 20:55Mark Normand?

  We'll keep it moving.

• 20:55Sam Morril?

  Good to see you though, dude.

• 20:56Speaker 04

  Good to be back. Thank you, guys.

• 20:57Sam Morril?

  Well, we have to say at the gate, we're, we have a different intro where we're in different outfits that we should address.

• 21:02Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 21:03Sam Morril?

  Because we had to scrap an episode for the first time in the show's history. We had a guest who requests, uh, at the behest. A reimer now.

• 21:12Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 21:13Sam Morril?

  Of his PR team that, uh, they, that we scrap. Anytime someone opens a message with my PR team, you're not a comedian. You've lost the comedian card. He requests that, he's like, my PR team, okay.

• 21:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:27Sam Morril?

  Lost the comic. I'm a clean comedian. Okay, we've had Jerry on, we've had Nate Bargatze on, we've had Gaffigan on.

• 21:34Speaker 04

  The publicist saw it and was like, this is too edgy.

• 21:36Mark Normand?

  Too edgy.

• 21:37Sam Morril?

  I didn't even think it was an edgy app.

• 21:39Mark Normand?

  No, I kept it clean with the guy, pretty much.

• 21:41Sam Morril?

  We won't say who it is.

• 21:42Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 21:44Sam Morril?

  But you guys, you guys can figure it out in the.

• 21:46Mark Normand?

  You probably figure it out, but he, he said scrap it.

• 21:48Sam Morril?

  I don't think they'll figure it out.

• 21:48Mark Normand?

  It's, it would hurt his brand, he said. So we had to, we had to yank it. So we lost a whole week episode.

• 21:53Sam Morril?

  Yankees.

• 21:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:56Sam Morril?

  It's a...

• 21:58Mark Normand?

  It's annoying. It's a waste of time for everybody.

• 22:00Sam Morril?

  It is a waste of time. I think that's the thing. He at least addressed in the message, "I'm aware this is a waste." I'm like, "Doesn't make it better."

• 22:06Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 22:07Sam Morril?

  You know?

• 22:08Speaker 03

  But the same PR team-

• 22:08Sam Morril?

  "I fucked your wife. I know that was a bad thing to do, to fuck your wife."

• 22:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:11Sam Morril?

  "But I, I want you to know, I know it was a bad thing to do."

• 22:13Mark Normand?

  It's like a land acknowledgement. "I'm on stolen land. This is horrible." I'm like, "But you're still on there." You know, it's-

• 22:19Sam Morril?

  Alright, easy Billie Eilish. I think-

• 22:22Speaker 03

  The same PR team who said, "Remove the show," or this is the PR team that said, "Can you have him on?"

• 22:27Sam Morril?

  That's a good point. That's a good point.

• 22:28Mark Normand?

  And it is a comedy-

• 22:29Sam Morril?

  And I did mention that, and I did mention that to him in the message. I said, "Just so you know, you asked to come on."

• 22:34Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 22:35Sam Morril?

  "Your people should do their homework."

• 22:36Mark Normand?

  And you're a comedian on a comedy podcast. What'd you think was gonna happen? What'd you, was this Teletubbies, Miss Rachel? We're gonna be comedians.

• 22:43Speaker 04

  Well, I'll fill in for him and now we'll have a good time.

• 22:46Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 22:47Sam Morril?

  I didn't know we could ask episodes to be deleted, by the way. I'm gonna call Luis Gomez and say, "Hey, can you scrap the library?"

• 22:56Sam Morril?

  I'm kidding, Luis. But, uh-

• 22:58Speaker 04

  Why is this up? Was, who, is that, uh, Lu, who's that?

• 23:01Mark Normand?

  That's Godfrey.

• 23:01Sam Morril?

  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

• 23:02Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  This is actually Lu Alcindor.

• 23:04Speaker 04

  Oh, Lu Alcindor.

• 23:05Speaker 03

  Dead naming him, but it is Kareem today.

• 23:07Speaker 04

  Kareem. Oh, is it be, what's his name scored more points yesterday than Kobe?

• 23:10Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 23:11Sam Morril?

  Sam Adabio.

• 23:12Speaker 04

  Which, by the way, you know, it's like, uh, a lot of free throws. It wasn't as exciting as Kobe's.

• 23:17Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 23:17Speaker 04

  But he did 83 points in the NBA.

• 23:20Sam Morril?

  And his girlfriend is Asia Wilson, who's the best women's player. Like, they, they could, they could procreate-

• 23:25Speaker 04

  They could have a baby, yeah.

• 23:26Sam Morril?

  And make a super baby.

• 23:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, or the baby will come out opposite. It'll be like, you know, uh-

• 23:30Mark Normand?

  It'd be like Magic Johnson's kid.

• 23:34Mark Normand?

  That kid is unreal.

• 23:35Speaker 04

  Did we ever talk about this, Magic Johnson?

• 23:36Sam Morril?

  But he's like a 6'9" trans kid, so it's like-

• 23:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:39Sam Morril?

  So if he did play, if he went to the women's league, he'd dominate.

• 23:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 23:43Sam Morril?

  Or she, I don't know.

• 23:44Mark Normand?

  Why don't they have trans people?

• 23:45Speaker 04

  I'm sure this has been addressed, but Magic Johnson beat AIDS. His name's Magic Johnson. Is that a-

• 23:51Sam Morril?

  His dick?

• 23:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yes. Magic, dick is magic.

• 23:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 23:55Mark Normand?

  I wouldn't wanna be near that wand, but it is a magical-

• 23:57Speaker 04

  Rwanda Sykes.

• 24:00Mark Normand?

  I think he's more magic than the dick.

• 24:01Speaker 04

  Rwanda Sykes. So, um, oh, look at that. Oh, wow.

• 24:06Mark Normand?

  Wow. What a transformation.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  Wow. Transformation.

• 24:11Sam Morril?

  Let's transition out of the subject.

• 24:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's keep moving.

• 24:14Mark Normand?

  Transformers, more than meets the aids.

• 24:19Mark Normand?

  Okay, so what were we talking about? Oh, Bami, Bam Margera.

• 24:23Sam Morril?

  Bam, Bam Adebayo.

• 24:24Mark Normand?

  Adebayo.

• 24:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:26Mark Normand?

  Bam Adebayo.

• 24:27Speaker 04

  That's eighty-three points in the NBA, but, uh, you know, it was against the Wizards, so it's really...

• 24:31Mark Normand?

  By the way, say what you will about Muslims, they will ruin a name. Lu Alcindor, cool name. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, what, what, an Uber driver?

• 24:40Sam Morril?

  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a pretty cool name.

• 24:41Mark Normand?

  Ah, then you got, uh, Cat.

• 24:43Sam Morril?

  Kareem?

• 24:43Mark Normand?

  Kareem is cool.

• 24:44Sam Morril?

  That's a cool name.

• 24:45Mark Normand?

  Cat Stevens, though, is now Youssef Islam.

• 24:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I like that.

• 24:49Speaker 04

  Wait, what?

• 24:49Mark Normand?

  Cat Stevens, what a great name.

• 24:51Sam Morril?

  Who gets named Cat?

• 24:52Mark Normand?

  Cat!

• 24:53Sam Morril?

  I'm going the other way.

• 24:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's a cool name.

• 24:55Mark Normand?

  And there's another one.

• 24:56Sam Morril?

  Cassius Clay.

• 24:56Mark Normand?

  Cassius Clay is the coolest name on the...

• 24:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but Muhammad Ali is pretty badass.

• 25:00Mark Normand?

  Nooo, that's a, that's a bodega guy.

• 25:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:04Mark Normand?

  Muhammad Ali, hello, welcome.

• 25:05Sam Morril?

  If that's the bodega guy, you don't start shit with him late at night, I'll tell you that much.

• 25:08Mark Normand?

  No, no, you don't. He's got good falafel.

• 25:10Speaker 04

  Bodega Cat, uh, what's his name, Cat? Uh, we had it right there, Cat. What did you say his name was?

• 25:13Mark Normand?

  Cat Stevens.

• 25:15Speaker 04

  Bodega Cat Stevens.

• 25:16Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 25:16Speaker 04

  There it is.

• 25:17Mark Normand?

  I like that.

• 25:18Speaker 04

  All right.

• 25:18Sam Morril?

  Or in the Middle East, uh, you know, we'll change it up.

• 25:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, exactly.

• 25:23Sam Morril?

  Youssef, Youssef, uh, Cat.

• 25:24Mark Normand?

  In the Middle East, this is called, uh, illegal.

• 25:26Speaker 04

  Right.

• 25:26Mark Normand?

  They can't have booze.

• 25:27Sam Morril?

  Molotov cocktail. Well, uh, dude.

• 25:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, here we are.

• 25:30Sam Morril?

  I, I've not seen the new movie yet, I'm gonna watch it.

• 25:32Speaker 04

  It's all right.

• 25:33Sam Morril?

  I can't wait to watch it.

• 25:33Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 25:34Sam Morril?

  I'm sorry, I haven't watched it yet.

• 25:35Speaker 04

  It's okay, don't worry, no one watches movies anymore. Like, sending a link to a movie and asking somebody to watch it is just...

• 25:41Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna watch it this week.

• 25:42Speaker 04

  But it's under ninety minutes, we're...

• 25:43Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 25:43Sam Morril?

  I promise I'll watch this week.

• 25:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, no worries, man.

• 25:45Sam Morril?

  And I always like your work.

• 25:46Speaker 04

  Thank you, man. This one is, uh, it's like a, it's like a throwback to, uh, early two thousands, like, dude, where's my car? Uh, that era, like, uh, Harold and Kumar, and it's basically a conspiracy theory comedy. Uh, you were there, we met up in Charlotte.

• 26:00Sam Morril?

  That's right.

• 26:01Speaker 04

  That was that shoot.

• 26:01Sam Morril?

  With Tony Cavallari.

• 26:03Speaker 04

  And he steals the movie.

• 26:04Sam Morril?

  He's awesome.

• 26:05Speaker 04

  Uh, for a white guy, it's weird he stole the movie. But, um, no, he, uh, he...

• 26:11Speaker 04

  He's hilarious.

• 26:11Mark Normand?

  You were pumped about it, though.

• 26:13Speaker 04

  It's called Operation Taco Gary's. I don't know when this airs, but it'll be streaming on.

• 26:16Mark Normand?

  The trailer looks great.

• 26:17Speaker 04

  It's funny. Yeah, and um, it's uh, on video on demand. I think it'll be Amazon, Apple on March 24th.

• 26:24Mark Normand?

  And Biggs.

• 26:25Speaker 04

  So anyone out there, get stoned and watch this movie. And we got Jason Biggs playing himself, similar to your thing you just did. I don't know if we want to talk about that, but.

• 26:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:31Speaker 04

  Um, I, uh, it, which is perfect because uh, he was of that era of this throwback we're doing.

• 26:37Mark Normand?

  I love it.

• 26:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a fun conspiracy theory comedy. I have a lot of friends who are conspiracy theorists. And um, I get to play a conspiracy theorist, which is fun, uh, because usually they're very adamant about their opinions.

• 26:50Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 26:50Speaker 04

  Yeah. And you know, some of them are turning out to be true, so they're very validated.

• 26:54Mark Normand?

  Correct. Yeah, yeah.

• 26:55Speaker 04

  Some are true.

• 26:56Mark Normand?

  Can't believe Marlon Kraft is in this, in the neck brace. That's pretty crazy.

• 26:59Speaker 04

  Who's Marlon Kraft again?

• 27:00Mark Normand?

  Uh, he's a rapper. Good rapper, very good.

• 27:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, my thing about conspiracy theories is if you can't, after you say the earth is flat, if you can't say at the end of that sentence, "Or maybe I'm wrong," then that's the problem. You just gotta be open to being wrong. It's when someone's a hundred percent. It's like the saying, uh, "Only the madman is absolutely sure." Like, no, we don't fucking know anything. So.

• 27:18Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 27:18Speaker 04

  That was the fun we had with this one. And uh, the guy, Michael Kwame, who wrote and directed it, started Funny or Die. He was Will Ferrell's writing partner, really funny dude.

• 27:27Mark Normand?

  Cool.

• 27:27Speaker 04

  And it's, yeah, it's just a fun one, so.

• 27:29Mark Normand?

  The cover alone, I'm in.

• 27:30Speaker 04

  It's fun. It's fun.

• 27:31Mark Normand?

  Looks like fun. She's got a crossbow.

• 27:33Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 27:34Mark Normand?

  That's exciting. Alright.

• 27:35Speaker 04

  Looks up, so yeah. Uh, you guys will check it out later. Hopefully. Maybe never.

• 27:39Mark Normand?

  I will, dude. I will.

• 27:41Speaker 04

  Uh.

• 27:42Mark Normand?

  I'm re-watching movies. That's the worst part. I won't watch a new movie, but I'll, I watch Ray for no reason.

• 27:47Speaker 04

  I'm re-watching too, to see what holds up. And you go back and you're like, oh, this comedy isn't funny anymore. Some comedies hold up, but it's, I watched, you're right, Red Rock West.

• 27:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:58Speaker 04

  Great movie. So I'm going back as well.

• 27:59Mark Normand?

  Noir.

• 28:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, great movie.

• 28:01Mark Normand?

  Nineties.

• 28:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:03Mark Normand?

  That's a good movie.

• 28:03Speaker 04

  That's a good movie.

• 28:04Mark Normand?

  Dennis Hopper.

• 28:05Speaker 04

  Dennis Hopper, Nick Cage, he was buff, Nick Cage is all buff. Wait, well.

• 28:09Sam Morril?

  Oh. She was one fine piece of, uh.

• 28:13Speaker 04

  Yes, she was.

• 28:13Sam Morril?

  Ace. LFP.

• 28:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:16Sam Morril?

  Mm, mm, mm. She was hot, dude. I like to lance that boil. Wow. That's a good, that's a Red Rock West.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  Wow, that's a movie.

• 28:23Sam Morril?

  Great flick.

• 28:24Speaker 04

  Great flick.

• 28:24Sam Morril?

  That was a, that was a tour bus watch I made everyone watch and they were all like.

• 28:27Speaker 04

  Dude.

• 28:27Sam Morril?

  Veeder was trying to get people to go to sleep, that fucking cunt. He's like, come on, he's trying to, not just he go to sleep, he's trying to rally people to the back to go. I'm like, not only are you gonna be a buzzkill. Yeah. You're gonna try to kill the vibe on the bus. Right. He's like, let's all go to sleep. I was like, fuck you, we're watching the movie.

• 28:42Speaker 04

  If you wanna go to sleep, just listen to his pod with you guys.

• 28:43Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 28:45Speaker 04

  Just kidding, I, I like the pod.

• 28:46Sam Morril?

  Oh shit.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  You're funny, yeah. It's an easy joke.

• 28:50Sam Morril?

  Well, uh, he reluctantly watched it and then had to admit it was great. There you go. I prefer Gary Vee.

• 28:57Speaker 04

  Um.

• 28:57Sam Morril?

  Than Veeder.

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, different person?

• 29:00Sam Morril?

  Kind of. Gary Veeder, the little Gary, bald Gary, you know Gary.

• 29:04Speaker 04

  I probably, uh.

• 29:05Sam Morril?

  Why do you both have to sleep? Why can't he just go to sleep? It's a beef. Yeah. It's the guy who tries to rally everyone to do what they want.

• 29:12Speaker 04

  Rally and sleep shouldn't be in the same sentence.

• 29:14Sam Morril?

  Yes, good point.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  And you can't try to go to sleep. That's one of those things like, I gotta try to go to the bathroom. You're either gonna go, yeah, it's just a natural thing.

• 29:20Sam Morril?

  Also, it's my fucking tour. Don't, don't turn them against me.

• 29:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're the headliner. I'm the, I'm the master and commander, motherfucker.

• 29:25Sam Morril?

  You get the back bedroom. I'm the captain now. I don't even do it. I'm, I'm a man of the people.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  Do you guys sleep feet forwards? You have to.

• 29:32Sam Morril?

  You have to.

• 29:32Speaker 04

  You have to because of what's-her-name story. Gloria Estefan almost died.

• 29:35Sam Morril?

  What happened?

• 29:36Speaker 04

  Well, she broke her neck because she put her head facing forward.

• 29:38Sam Morril?

  The rhythm is gonna get you.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  You're supposed to put your feet forward because if the bus hits something, you're gonna break your neck. Look it up.

• 29:43Sam Morril?

  I didn't know that.

• 29:44Speaker 04

  I think it was Gloria Estefan had a bus accident and almost died. And that was the rule because when I toured, we would do the bus and we would, uh, sleep feet forward. And it's so cozy and there's like a little coffin. It's cozy. The bus is fun, the prevos.

• 29:56Sam Morril?

  It's a cocoon. Are you, do you have any, the Oscars are this weekend.

• 30:00Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:01Sam Morril?

  And you're, and you're the, you're like our film guy.

• 30:03Speaker 04

  Yes, I'm up for a couple.

• 30:04Sam Morril?

  You're up for, you should have been nominated for Red Rock.

• 30:06Speaker 04

  Oh, that's sweet. Thanks, man.

• 30:07Sam Morril?

  For real.

• 30:08Speaker 04

  There was, you're so funny. When that happened, there was this buzz around it because all the like Oscar pundits and podcasts were like mentioning my name and even just that alone was like, what the fuck? And then I remember I was scared. It scared me because I was. Like fuck, what comes with that? Like that's, that's a lot. And it scared me more than it excited me. And then I remember at like six AM. My agent and my manager was on the phone when they announced the nominees and I didn't get nominated and I went right back to bed.

• 30:31Sam Morril?

  Cause you shit on the ballet and the opera.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  That's right. What a silly thing to get upset about. But what a nice group to offend because they're probably not gonna do anything.

• 30:41Sam Morril?

  No.

• 30:41Mark Normand?

  Don't dance angrily. I'll tell you that much. Yeah, his sister's a ballet dancer too.

• 30:46Speaker 04

  Who's his?

• 30:47Mark Normand?

  Shalhoub.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  I think his mom.

• 30:48Mark Normand?

  Or his mom, sorry.

• 30:49Speaker 04

  Shalhoub, ballet.

• 30:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 30:52Mark Normand?

  Tippy, tippy day day.

• 30:53Speaker 04

  No, I, I thought, uh, I, yeah, I think, you know, it seems like, uh, he, he feels like he could win it this year, but I watched, I re-watched. Marty Supreme and one battle after another, and I think Leo edges him in performance.

• 31:06Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 31:07Speaker 04

  I do. I thought it was, uh, funny, funny.

• 31:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:11Speaker 04

  Funny. It's tough. It's a tough call, but.

• 31:13Sam Morril?

  How about Ethan Hawke in Blue Moon?

• 31:15Speaker 04

  I haven't seen it.

• 31:16Mark Normand?

  Killed it. Killed it. Unreal.

• 31:18Speaker 04

  Speaking of Blue Moon, can I have a drink?

• 31:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, sure.

• 31:21Sam Morril?

  I'm on also damage right here, so you drink for me.

• 31:24Speaker 04

  I can't believe I'm on, I'm drinking and you're not. This is amazing.

• 31:27Mark Normand?

  Wow, end of an era.

• 31:28Sam Morril?

  I did some damage to my body last week.

• 31:29Speaker 04

  I'll just do a tequila water.

• 31:31Mark Normand?

  Tequila water. We're on it, baby.

• 31:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, baby. I prepared for this. I'm normally not a day drinker. I'm gonna go down after this on a man, but.

• 31:40Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 31:42Sam Morril?

  Well, dealer's choice. We got a few to know.

• 31:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:45Speaker 04

  I'll go down on Gary Veeeter. But yeah, he, so.

• 31:48Mark Normand?

  Gonna go way down.

• 31:49Speaker 04

  He's not in the mix as far as the buzz that I'm hearing goes, but I heard he did a great job.

• 31:52Mark Normand?

  He killed it. Killed it. Carries the whole movie. It's basically just him.

• 31:55Speaker 04

  A little guy?

• 31:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's a midget kind of thing.

• 31:57Sam Morril?

  He's like four eleven, the character. So what, uh?

• 32:00Mark Normand?

  Like Gary Veeeter.

• 32:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what, what do you, what are your favorite ones this year?

• 32:04Speaker 04

  Um, oh God, this is, you know, it was a good year for movies. That's exciting.

• 32:08Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 32:08Speaker 04

  I feel like Hollywood's sort of got this like, uh, narrative that it's burning and going down, which you guys are gonna be so good because you're your own bosses and you guys go on the road, do what you want. I gotta be a little more afraid of the future with AI and no one goes to the movies anymore and you're competing with the phones.

• 32:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:23Speaker 04

  So it's exciting to see some movies that are getting people jazzed. But, uh, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I. I think, um.

• 32:29Sam Morril?

  One battle was cool.

• 32:30Speaker 04

  He's gonna probably win a lot, but now that, um, what's his name, won for Sinners, Michael B. Jordan.

• 32:35Sam Morril?

  He was good.

• 32:36Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, he was good, but I don't think it was as good, and I'm not being racist, I just don't think it was.

• 32:42Sam Morril?

  It's a bummer you have to preface that with any kind of comment.

• 32:44Speaker 04

  Kidding, uh.

• 32:45Sam Morril?

  No, but you, you, I've heard a lot of people say that.

• 32:48Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 32:48Speaker 04

  Well, you know, you can't say kidding anymore because kids are offended.

• 32:51Mark Normand?

  Shut up.

• 32:52Speaker 04

  I'm just kidding.

• 32:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, you scared me there. Margot Kidder.

• 32:55Speaker 04

  Speaking of, how's, uh, your kids, how old?

• 32:57Mark Normand?

  One in a, one year and a month.

• 32:58Speaker 04

  Hot.

• 32:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's good, he's got the diaper on, he leaves it low.

• 33:02Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 33:02Mark Normand?

  It's very sexy. Yeah.

• 33:04Speaker 04

  Uh.

• 33:05Mark Normand?

  Wait, wait, wait, hold on, what were you saying?

• 33:06Speaker 04

  Let's go back.

• 33:07Mark Normand?

  Uh, oh, yeah, with the racist thing, you guys are going fast. The racist thing is tough because I, I've never watched Black Panther, and everybody was like, what are you racist? And I'm like, I just don't like comic book movies.

• 33:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:17Mark Normand?

  I haven't seen one Avengers.

• 33:18Speaker 04

  I fell asleep in it and my friend was like, waking me up like, it's racist.

• 33:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, you're quiet in the movie theater, that is racist.

• 33:25Sam Morril?

  That's nice.

• 33:26Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 33:26Sam Morril?

  I think it's tough that black people had to wait so long for a superhero franchise, they had to make it past Ant-Man.

• 33:32Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 33:32Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:33Sam Morril?

  That's a long wait for their own superhero movie.

• 33:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:35Mark Normand?

  And The Beatles, there was a couple of them.

• 33:36Sam Morril?

  There was a few.

• 33:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:38Sam Morril?

  They had a couple, but like, for a Marvel one, I guess Blade technically.

• 33:41Mark Normand?

  A Blade?

• 33:42Sam Morril?

  It's not a, it's not a, like, a world, yeah.

• 33:44Speaker 04

  Which is a racist title, like, what are you saying, he's?

• 33:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:46Mark Normand?

  That's more Puerto Rican.

• 33:47Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 33:48Mark Normand?

  If you ask me. Black Adam, who's that?

• 33:51Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, that was one.

• 33:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but that was recently.

• 33:52Speaker 04

  That was, uh.

• 33:54Sam Morril?

  The Rock.

• 33:54Speaker 04

  The Rock.

• 33:55Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 33:55Speaker 04

  He's black enough.

• 33:57Mark Normand?

  He's half.

• 33:58Speaker 04

  African.

• 33:59Mark Normand?

  There you go. Halle Berry half.

• 34:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, the good half.

• 34:03Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 34:04Speaker 04

  The lower half?

• 34:05Mark Normand?

  I hope not, I don't want a huge clit.

• 34:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, uh.

• 34:09Sam Morril?

  That was another good segment we cut, now I'm wondering why, I'm realizing why he might have cut this episode. Can we do a huge clit chunk?

• 34:15Mark Normand?

  Yes, did we?

• 34:17Sam Morril?

  He had like, he had like eight PR people in here and were like, what, what do you think, a, a huge clit versus a big dick? And I think they were just sitting there like, what is happening?

• 34:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, I don't remember that.

• 34:24Speaker 04

  The clit out.

• 34:26Mark Normand?

  I couldn't find it.

• 34:27Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 34:28Sam Morril?

  They were not happy.

• 34:29Speaker 04

  I've been trying to find it for fifty-one years.

• 34:30Sam Morril?

  I don't think we were that bad, though.

• 34:31Mark Normand?

  No, we did do a couple Tourette's jokes.

• 34:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 34:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:35Sam Morril?

  Is that that bad?

• 34:36Mark Normand?

  No, he's crazy. He's a big queef.

• 34:40Speaker 04

  Uh, we gotta find out who this is after the show.

• 34:43Mark Normand?

  I love these comics. I love Richard Pryor. I love, uh, George Carlin. Then they're like, hey, can we delete that? It was a little racy. Get out of here.

• 34:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but by the way, you want to delete a line, I'm all for it, but the whole episode.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's weird.

• 34:53Sam Morril?

  We're busy.

• 34:54Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 34:55Speaker 04

  Carlin's still dead, right?

• 34:57Mark Normand?

  Still dead.

• 34:57Sam Morril?

  Still dead.

• 34:58Mark Normand?

  Still dead, going strong.

• 35:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, he would have been more relevant than ever right now. You go back and watch his stuff and it's like, oh, this applies to.

• 35:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and the clips still come up and they go, here's his abortion clip, here's his government clip, here's his war clip.

• 35:10Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 35:11Mark Normand?

  And the right and the left both claim him, which is fascinating.

• 35:13Speaker 04

  I'm getting a tequila water. Are you, uh, on or off the sauce?

• 35:16Mark Normand?

  I'll take a, I'll take a smirch.

• 35:18Speaker 04

  A smirch, a what?

• 35:19Mark Normand?

  A smirch.

• 35:20Speaker 04

  A smirk?

• 35:20Mark Normand?

  A smooch.

• 35:21Sam Morril?

  I gotta, I gotta recover, man. I'm fucking, I haven't even, like, no coffee is worse than no alcohol.

• 35:27Speaker 04

  You've had no coffee today?

• 35:28Sam Morril?

  I can't, dude. I haven't had coffee in days.

• 35:30Speaker 04

  What?

• 35:30Sam Morril?

  I also had a fucking six a.m. pickup today with no coffee.

• 35:33Speaker 04

  So, oh my god, why are you doing this to yourself? So, no caffeine or no coffee?

• 35:37Sam Morril?

  You, you can't have, it agitates the fucking ulcer, dude.

• 35:40Speaker 04

  So you actually have one, you're not assuming. You went to the doctor.

• 35:42Sam Morril?

  No, but I know, I've had it before and I know what it is. I just have to let it go away.

• 35:45Mark Normand?

  What is it? Is that like a hole in your esophagus or something?

• 35:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 35:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god.

• 35:50Sam Morril?

  In your stomach. Uh, in, no, not in your esophagus, in your stomach. Like, upper stomach. No, it sucks, dude.

• 35:55Mark Normand?

  And can it heal?

• 35:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm hoping it'll heal. I'm on Prevacod thirty and, uh.

• 35:58Mark Normand?

  Whoa, thirty?

• 36:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and I'm, I'm drinking wa, you're just eating clean. It's, the one thing I miss about coffee is just kinda timing my shits.

• 36:07Speaker 04

  Mmm.

• 36:08Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 36:09Sam Morril?

  I forgot that without coffee, you don't know when your shit is gonna come.

• 36:11Mark Normand?

  You're regular.

• 36:12Sam Morril?

  I can kinda be like, here, I'm having my coffee, now I'll shit.

• 36:15Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 36:15Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 36:16Sam Morril?

  It's, it's anyone's guess now when I'm gonna shit during the day. I hate it.

• 36:20Mark Normand?

  That's true, and I don't feel good until I shit. Once I get the shit, I get the evil out.

• 36:23Sam Morril?

  I haven't shit today. I'm furious.

• 36:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god, you're pent up.

• 36:27Sam Morril?

  I'm pent up.

• 36:28Speaker 04

  You do feel better after you drop a dose, like, the toxins could come out and you feel better.

• 36:32Mark Normand?

  A hundred percent.

• 36:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:33Mark Normand?

  I'll have brain fog, my eyes are blurry. Like a shit and I'm, I'm clean.

• 36:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, baby.

• 36:37Sam Morril?

  I'm struggling dude, yeah, no, the no coffee is, is getting, we were having, we were drunk at a dinner last week. And I was like, I can go without booze.

• 36:46Sam Morril?

  And I've been going without both the last few days, it's only been four days, but.

• 36:49Speaker 04

  Okay, so I've tried no coffee, that's a, I get your day two or three, you're grumpy, you're.

• 36:56Mark Normand?

  You get the headaches?

• 36:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I was with a woman, she tried to have sex with me, I said, I'm not in the mood.

• 37:03Mark Normand?

  By the way, headache cured by sex, so suck on that ladies. Well, if you have a headache and you have sex, the headache goes away. I tried it.

• 37:12Speaker 04

  Really?

• 37:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I jerked off, but still.

• 37:14Sam Morril?

  Well, that's the whole thing is they say, back in the day, they would, uh, they would pleasure, like Victorian, you know, they would like pleasure women. And that was how they would like deal with them being hysterical. So I'm pretty, you can look it up, I'm pretty sure the vibrator was created not for women's pleasure, but so they would stop being crazy.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  I don't know how to look that up, but that's amazing.

• 37:34Sam Morril?

  Victorian, like weird, I'm gonna get some crazy porn.

• 37:38Mark Normand?

  Those are the good old days. Victorian vibrator.

• 37:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, um, yeah, that's hot, I would wanna see that happen, too bad there wasn't. Oh my goodness.

• 37:49Mark Normand?

  A fister, Victorian secret, holy hell, that's crazy.

• 37:54Sam Morril?

  I've seen that one at the Hustler Club.

• 37:57Sam Morril?

  That looks rough, looks like a mace.

• 37:58Mark Normand?

  It's like a sander, like a belt sander, good times, wow, man, look at that. You gotta grind the clit right off with that thing.

• 38:07Sam Morril?

  It's a power drill.

• 38:09Speaker 04

  Polar club vibrator.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  I love how like they like, they developed electricity dick five years earlier and they're like, make women come.

• 38:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, did you have that thing where your mom was like, that's a massager? She had that big fucking beige wand.

• 38:21Sam Morril?

  You have to pull it out of your ass like, sorry.

• 38:25Mark Normand?

  I wanna wipe that down, but yeah, the massager was big, every woman had that big old fat one with the top on it.

• 38:31Speaker 04

  Did you guys ever fuck the jacuzzi when you were a kid? Like the hole would be like.

• 38:36Sam Morril?

  I never stuck my dick in that, that was too intimidating.

• 38:39Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, no, it's kind of the equivalent of a woman using the bathtub faucet, it's like a water source, speaking of water source. Know that bank terms are all water references like think about I don't there's some reason why anything with money is a water

• 38:53Mark Normand?

  Liquid.

• 38:54Speaker 04

  Liquid cash flow um there's for some reason there's a reason why.

• 38:58Mark Normand?

  Banks whoa.

• 39:00Speaker 04

  I wrote some of these down because this came up yesterday I'm like the boys are gonna like this.

• 39:04Mark Normand?

  I like it.

• 39:04Speaker 04

  Some reason.

• 39:05Sam Morril?

  This sounds like this sounds like a car.

• 39:06Speaker 04

  Overflow cash flow bank currency.

• 39:09Mark Normand?

  Oh currency.

• 39:10Speaker 04

  Okay, there's a bunch of.

• 39:11Mark Normand?

  Current ah the current.

• 39:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:13Sam Morril?

  Stream now.

• 39:14Speaker 04

  I don't know why is there a reason why there's gotta be a source.

• 39:17Mark Normand?

  I bet it's all.

• 39:17Sam Morril?

  Source.

• 39:18Speaker 04

  Tequila water source yeah the source.

• 39:20Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  Here's some tequila water.

• 39:22Mark Normand?

  No ice in this house Jesus what kind of world are we living in?

• 39:25Speaker 04

  Proud of you.

• 39:25Mark Normand?

  Well it's a cocktail you can't give us no ice.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  Oh I'll go no ice I'll go no ice.

• 39:29Mark Normand?

  What is this Gaza come on thank you alright appreciate sorry.

• 39:34Speaker 04

  Well oh yeah also uh I New York City walking around got here seventy five degrees this is the best time in New York I remember I lived here that first day of spring the girls are out in the t-shirts the mood is good I'm like it's it I missed this whole winter you guys had I've been watching on TV.

• 39:50Mark Normand?

  Two blizzards baby.

• 39:51Speaker 04

  And I get here in seventy five degree weather I it was great.

• 39:54Sam Morril?

  Have you seen these people posting videos too where they're just like if you weren't here during the winter then get the fuck out like nah that's not how it works you're allowed to.

• 40:01Speaker 04

  I'm allowed to come visit.

• 40:02Sam Morril?

  You're allowed to come visit.

• 40:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah we don't do that with other stuff you weren't in the Holocaust you can't be Jewish now shut up.

• 40:08Speaker 04

  I wonder how much the Holocaust anyway that's it that's not a bad joke.

• 40:12Mark Normand?

  Count it the first guy to do it eighty years ago killed but you know it's weird that cleavage makes everybody have do women know that their cleavage brightens the world up?

• 40:22Sam Morril?

  Oh you start smiling for sure.

• 40:24Mark Normand?

  You you love it you see cleavage you're like hey it's I feel like a a groundhog I'm like it's gonna be a great spring.

• 40:30Speaker 04

  I was walking around downtown and the girls are out and it's beautiful.

• 40:33Mark Normand?

  Beautiful.

• 40:34Speaker 04

  But every girl's on their phone it's hard like street it's to to to talk to a girl on the street is tough these days.

• 40:39Mark Normand?

  Those days are over.

• 40:39Speaker 04

  Cold open is that what they call it a cold open?

• 40:41Sam Morril?

  You can't make eye contact now you gotta follow them for a few blocks.

• 40:44Speaker 04

  Yeah gotta follow them around wait was that a cold not a cold open what do you call it when you go approach uh?

• 40:48Sam Morril?

  Icebreaker?

• 40:49Speaker 04

  Icebreaker another water reference cold open women are like money.

• 40:52Mark Normand?

  She's a C okay see. C word.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  But yes, it's hard to uh go up and just hit on a woman in 2026.

• 41:00Mark Normand?

  Do you do that?

• 41:01Speaker 04

  I have done that.

• 41:02Mark Normand?

  Well, you're a hot guy who's tall, who has a celebrity background.

• 41:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, true. So I guess that doesn't hurt. And we saw that dick in uh Red Rocket. Yeah, yeah, it was fake dick, prosthetic. It was fake, but it was a good fake dick. A woman asks for a dick pic, you'd be like, huh? Yeah.

• 41:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 41:16Speaker 04

  It's on Netflix now. Go check it out, baby. It's on Netflix? It's on Netflix.

• 41:19Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 41:20Speaker 04

  Red Rocket, everybody. Yeah. Red Rocket. Made by uh Sean Baker, who won the Oscar for Enora. He won all the Oscars. Yes, there it is.

• 41:27Mark Normand?

  He did what, Florida Project?

• 41:28Speaker 04

  Florida Project. He did Enora, which was his big winner. He did uh another one called Tangerine that was shot on an iPhone, which was another, he doesn't miss. I mean, he's uh makes great stuff and.

• 41:37Mark Normand?

  Cool dude?

• 41:37Speaker 04

  He's the greatest. Just such a sweet guy, Jersey boy, local guy.

• 41:41Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 41:42Speaker 04

  And, you know, uh, oh, there's a, um.

• 41:45Mark Normand?

  Hunkarama.

• 41:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, right, there it is, running around with my dick out.

• 41:47Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 41:49Speaker 04

  Good times. So I remember when we shot Red Ro- oh, sorry, I cut you off. Go ahead.

• 41:52Mark Normand?

  Did you get any DMs from women after that? Cause they don't know it's fake.

• 41:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, that, that, a lot of people seeing it on Netflix now that never saw it, cause it's on like the homepage, like new movie. You're like a dude showing up, taking off lifts before uh.

• 42:04Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 42:05Speaker 04

  You know, it's uh, you know, that mo- uh, oh, that's it?

• 42:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, man, that hurt.

• 42:13Speaker 04

  Right at me. Don't you usually do it at him, not the guest?

• 42:15Mark Normand?

  I mix it up.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  Okay, okay, I guess after three episodes, I'm local. It was a big wind up for. Yeah, it was it.

• 42:21Mark Normand?

  That won't even register on here. Sorry, everybody.

• 42:24Speaker 04

  No, so wait, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, um, what were we talking about?

• 42:28Mark Normand?

  Your dick, the DMs.

• 42:29Speaker 04

  DMs for Red Rocket. Oh, yeah, you, girls will hit you, but you can't do, that's like, no, you can't. What do they say though?

• 42:34Mark Normand?

  Why?

• 42:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, it'll be like, oh, I, I just saw Red Rocket, hard eyes or whatever, but you know, that's weird. You can't actually go meet those people, cause you think it's a setup. You're like, oh, this is not, you know what I mean? Like, you're not gonna go meet a fan.

• 42:46Mark Normand?

  Well, I think it's one of the perks of being a guy.

• 42:49Speaker 04

  Never done it. It's an automatic rule. If someone's like a fan, it's like, ah, this is cheating, you know?

• 42:53Mark Normand?

  Cheating.

• 42:53Speaker 04

  Really? Yeah, but I've had a couple of girls tell me later, like, actually, I knew who you were from this. I'm like, ah, feel like.

• 42:58Mark Normand?

  Of course they know, you were Felicity.

• 43:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's true.

• 43:01Mark Normand?

  You fucked Fel- uh, Felicity.

• 43:02Speaker 04

  I fucked Felicity and at the time, people were mad about that because the whole show, the crux of the show was, is she gonna sleep with Brad or Noel, the two main guys? And then it was actually good writing, J.J. Abrams wrote that.

• 43:12Mark Normand?

  Wow, I didn't know that.

• 43:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, J.J. Abrams.

• 43:15Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 43:16Speaker 04

  And I remember going in.

• 43:17Mark Normand?

  Guys got range.

• 43:18Speaker 04

  It's actually funny, I remember going into audition, it was a art, the role was a artist. And I'm in the waiting room to go in, this is like 2001, and there's a guy, he did this. A guy brought to the waiting room an easel.

• 43:30Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  A painting, and he's in the waiting room to get into the character, fucking painting in the waiting room. I remember thinking, this fucking asshole.

• 43:37Mark Normand?

  What a douche.

• 43:38Speaker 04

  Like, are you really getting into the role, dude?

• 43:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:40Speaker 04

  And then I went in and booked it and I didn't have to paint in the lobby. You fucking weirdo.

• 43:43Sam Morril?

  Take that, Daniel Day-Lewis.

• 43:45Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 43:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:46Speaker 04

  No, it was, actors suck.

• 43:48Mark Normand?

  But you got the role, you were the bad boy.

• 43:50Sam Morril?

  Is that guy a recognizable actor?

• 43:51Speaker 04

  I have no idea who it was, yeah, probably, it's probably Timothee Chalamet.

• 43:54Mark Normand?

  It was Mario Lopez.

• 43:55Speaker 04

  Uh, no, but I remember, um, yeah, that show was a big deal and people would yell at me out the car, it shouldn't have been you.

• 44:02Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 44:03Speaker 04

  Girls love that show.

• 44:04Mark Normand?

  She also cut her hair, remember that was a huge deal, she cut her hair.

• 44:08Sam Morril?

  I didn't even watch the show and I was pissed she cut her hair.

• 44:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, no.

• 44:11Sam Morril?

  I was like, what the fuck is that?

• 44:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:12Speaker 04

  I was on set the day she came and cut her hair without telling production and the set was all, everyone was all like, weird, and I'm like, what's going on? They're like, she cut her hair without telling anybody, the producers are pissed.

• 44:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:22Speaker 04

  Because that was her whole thing, was her angelic hair.

• 44:24Mark Normand?

  Keri Russell.

• 44:25Speaker 04

  And she just went with the bob.

• 44:26Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 44:27Speaker 04

  And, um, that was a big deal and I remember she got in a bunch of trouble for cutting her.

• 44:31Mark Normand?

  But they wrote it in.

• 44:32Speaker 04

  I mean, not trouble, yeah, they wrote it.

• 44:33Mark Normand?

  They wrote it, they were like, yeah, she's going through some shit, you know, that's what girls do, they either get bangs or kill their husband.

• 44:38Speaker 04

  Well, I remember when I shot the scene with her, because it was like the close set, we had to make out, she had her shirt off and her husband was at work that day and I'm like, this is such a weird job. I'm like, making out with this dude's wife and she's waiting in the other room.

• 44:49Sam Morril?

  He's jerking off in the corner.

• 44:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 44:52Mark Normand?

  Wow, how about that?

• 44:53Speaker 04

  And she just won a Golden Globe.

• 44:54Mark Normand?

  She is a very pretty, she's in that new show with the, uh, where she bangs everybody.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 44:59Mark Normand?

  No offense. Uh, I forgot the name of it, but my mom likes it.

• 45:03Speaker 04

  Mmm.

• 45:03Mark Normand?

  It's like mom board.

• 45:04Sam Morril?

  I bet her husband's at every fucking shoot day.

• 45:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, just in the corner in a cuck chair.

• 45:08Speaker 03

  By the way, I was watching Six Degrees of Separation the other night.

• 45:11Mark Normand?

  Good movie.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  And this is J.J. Abrams, acting.

• 45:13Speaker 04

  No shit.

• 45:14Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  Can I play it real quick?

• 45:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, play it.

• 45:18Mark Normand?

  Hey, Willie's Remedy. You ever wake up after a night out and do that mental inventory? Phones here, wallets here, dignity? We'll circle back. If you're trying to chill out without the hangover horror movie the next morning, Willie's Remedy is the move. It's Willie Nelson's THC-infused special tonic. And let's be honest, if anyone knows how to relax properly, it's Willie. It's a low-calorie, low-sugar, comes in 5-milligram and 10-milligram doses. You can take it as a shot, sip it over ice, or throw it in a mocktail. It's got THC, CBD, CBG, L-theanine, calm clarity for you. No regrets, no hangover apology tour.

• 45:58Mark Normand?

  Willie sold out three times in the first six months with over 50,000 happy customers, and they just restocked. They ship to 40-plus states. Order now at drinkwillies.com and use code WMBD for 20% off your first order plus free shipping on orders over $95. And enjoy life in the high country.

• 46:22Sam Morril?

  If you have pests in your home, you gotta try Pesti. It's a do-it-yourself pest control, but not with that sad little spray bottle from the hardware store they send you pro-grade pesticide. The same stuff the pros use. It's a good poison, you know? And the kit is idiot-proof. Sprayer, mixing bag, gloves, instructions. You knock it out in under 10 minutes. I've had ants. I mean, New York City in the summer, you get that shit. It's unavoidable. I mean, this is, this sounds like it could be huge for me. So I'm gonna check this out. What I like is that it's customized. They factor in your season, location, and weather, so it's not some outdated diluted nonsense. It's actually tailored to the bugs in your area, and it starts at $35 per treatment. Other pest companies charge hundreds, that is true.

• 47:05Sam Morril?

  And with Pesti, no strangers in your house, no appointments. And it's got such a cute name for murdering these bugs, guys. Pesti. It gets rid of over 100 types of bugs: spiders, ants, roaches, scorpions. And, God, who has scorpions in their home? That sounds fucking bad. And it's kid and pet friendly when used as directed. Fully registered products used in hospitals and schools. That's comforting. That's good. They even offer a 100% bug-free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you get a full refund. That's amazing. Bugs hate to see you coming with Pestee. Go to pestie.com/mightbeydrunk for an extra 10% off your order. That's P-E-S-T-I-E dot com slash might be drunk for an extra 10% off, guys.

• 47:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:50Sam Morril?

  Let's be honest, ED is one of the things nobody wants to talk about, but everybody Googles it at 2 a.m. That's good to know. I thought it was a loan. It doesn't mean your love life is over. It just means it's time to take control. Through Hims, you can access personalized prescription treatment options for ED if prescribed. This is an awkward waiting room energy. It's 100% online. Licensed providers, doctor trusted ingredients, personalized treatment options, including trusted generics that cost 95% less than brand names if prescribed. You shouldn't have to jump through hoops to feel like yourself. Hims is like your digital front door. Real medical providers, simple access, your goals first. Not some one-size-fits-all deal where you're just a clipboard.

• 48:33Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 48:33Sam Morril?

  To get simple online access to personalized affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit hims.com/drunk. That's hims.com/drunk for your free online visit. hims.com/drunk. Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. See website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Actual price will depend on product and subscription plan.

• 49:02Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 49:04Speaker 05

  You gave a complete stranger who happens to mention my name the keys to our house?

• 49:08Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 49:09Speaker 05

  Dad, sometimes it's so obvious to me why mom left. I'm so embarrassed to know you.

• 49:15Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 49:16Speaker 04

  This is comedy?

• 49:16Speaker 05

  You gave the keys to a stranger who shows up at your office?

• 49:21Speaker 05

  Mother told me you beat her. My mom told me you were rotten lover and you drank so much your body's made of cheap white wine. Mom said sleeping with you was like sleeping with a salad made of bad dressing.

• 49:30Mark Normand?

  I watched this with my parents. It was brutal.

• 49:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, same.

• 49:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's one of those movies where you're like, oh, I don't know it was gonna be all this sexual shit.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  Your parents were just in town for 28 days?

• 49:39Mark Normand?

  Uh, 14, 18.

• 49:41Speaker 04

  18 days?

• 49:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, brutal.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  I feel like I know you're, this is one of those, uh, what's it called, a parasocial relationship?

• 49:48Mark Normand?

  That's right.

• 49:48Speaker 04

  Where I, uh, you guys are a pair of douchebags.

• 49:52Mark Normand?

  Yay!

• 49:53Speaker 04

  I don't know, that was a low blow.

• 49:54Mark Normand?

  I'll take it.

• 49:54Speaker 04

  No, but I know your guys' life more than my friends, cuz I'm listening to the pods, I like know what's going on. How like, I know your life.

• 50:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, they were here, they're, they're gone, and thank God. And you know, my dad and is, is, and my baby are the same now. They both eat soft food, they can't walk, they can't hear.

• 50:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:11Mark Normand?

  So, well, my baby can hear, but they're both staring at my wife's tits. Either way, it's, it was awkward, it was a lot going on in my house. It was brutal. And my parents, they never leave! They just stay there, they just sit in the living room and read. It drives you crazy.

• 50:24Sam Morril?

  It is tough when the, the people, I had a friend, the common area, I, I, I-

• 50:28Mark Normand?

  Common area?

• 50:29Sam Morril?

  Common area is a big thing.

• 50:31Mark Normand?

  It is, cuz you walk down and you're like, here we go, you can't just go get something out of the fridge, everything has to be a thing. What are you doing? You hungry? You want me to make you something?

• 50:38Sam Morril?

  Oh my God. I remember having like Craigslist roommates and like, you like, bring a girl back, you go, you like go to the bathroom and like, they're just in the fucking comm, you're like, I just made eye contact with a fucking stranger, now I'm making eye contact with another stranger in the fucking hallway.

• 50:51Mark Normand?

  Right, and you pay them both at the end of the month.

• 50:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:53Speaker 04

  Who's Craig anyways? Is there a real Craig? Is there a guy named Craig?

• 50:56Mark Normand?

  There's gotta be.

• 50:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:58Mark Normand?

  There's Tom on MySpace, there's gotta be a Craig.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:00Mark Normand?

  Pull it up!

• 51:01Speaker 04

  Pull it up!

• 51:01Sam Morril?

  Is he a real guy?

• 51:02Mark Normand?

  I bet he is, and is he doing well?

• 51:05Sam Morril?

  Boom.

• 51:05Speaker 04

  Oh, there he is, Craig Newmark!

• 51:07Sam Morril?

  Still alive.

• 51:08Speaker 04

  Wow!

• 51:08Mark Normand?

  Did he clean up on that SF-based?

• 51:12Sam Morril?

  He does not look like a guy who would go on Craigslist.

• 51:14Speaker 04

  No.

• 51:14Mark Normand?

  No, he doesn't.

• 51:15Sam Morril?

  Look at that hat and scarf.

• 51:17Mark Normand?

  Ah, how about that?

• 51:20Mark Normand?

  Moorestown, New Jersey.

• 51:21Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 51:22Mark Normand?

  Can you make money on that? Cause it didn't have any ads or anything, did it?

• 51:25Sam Morril?

  They always find a way.

• 51:26Mark Normand?

  They find a way. He probably got a penny from every table I sold, every nightstand, every hookup.

• 51:33Speaker 04

  I was gonna say, uh, uh, recs. We could jump into some recs if you guys want.

• 51:37Sam Morril?

  I want a rec.

• 51:37Mark Normand?

  Hey, T-Rex.

• 51:38Sam Morril?

  Rex, Rex.

• 51:39Mark Normand?

  Simon Rex.

• 51:40Speaker 04

  What about this, guys? You know, you ever, uh, cause I think collectively, we are having memory, uh, problems. There's too much information on our phones. And you ever like, think of something and you have to Google it. Here's a rec.

• 51:52Mark Normand?

  I'm back, baby.

• 51:53Speaker 04

  Uh, that one wasn't at either of us.

• 51:55Mark Normand?

  I shot it down the middle, like a centrist.

• 51:57Speaker 04

  Um, yeah. No, the, a rec that I have is try to remember it without Googling it, even if it takes five minutes. Don't go right to the Goog. Give it a minute. See if you could access it, cause you'll get a dopamine hit when you do and you're exercising your brain. So don't Goog right away.

• 52:12Sam Morril?

  Salakus, you're fired.

• 52:16Mark Normand?

  I, I had one the other day where I asked ChatGPT, what should I not be doing in life? And it said, using me.

• 52:22Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 52:22Mark Normand?

  You should, ChatGPT told me to stop using. He's like, you should struggle, think, and that'll make you better.

• 52:28Sam Morril?

  ChatGPT is there's people who are probably in toxic relationships who never, like, maybe they don't talk to their friends about it, but they maybe ask ChatGPT.

• 52:35Mark Normand?

  All the time.

• 52:35Sam Morril?

  Maybe they're embarrassed to bring this to the friend, but maybe they're talking to ChatGPT. Like, is it weird that my, is it weird that my wife laughs at her boss's jokes and works late? And you're like, oh, you never would have asked anyone that.

• 52:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:49Sam Morril?

  But now maybe you get out of that, maybe ChatGPT is like, yeah, it's fucking weird. You should get out of this relationship. But that didn't exist.

• 52:55Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 52:56Sam Morril?

  Like, there wasn't a person to ask that to.

• 52:58Mark Normand?

  Well, they're being sued now, cause a lot of people are killing themselves because ChatGPT was like, oh, maybe it is a good idea. Maybe you should. So.

• 53:06Speaker 04

  Well, uh, to stay in the, that same world of recs, I also have another rec. I went and got a digital alarm clock. So I don't have to look at my phone when I wake up to see what time it is, because then you get sucked right in immediately to the text messages.

• 53:20Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 53:21Speaker 04

  There's another, I go even further. Put your phone on airplane mode when you go to bed. So that way, when you wake up, if you do have to look at your phone, you don't get sucked right in. Because I think it's, uh, I've been working on this one. No coffee for an hour after you wake up.

• 53:33Mark Normand?

  I do that one.

• 53:33Speaker 04

  That's hard, but you could do it hour, hour and a half.

• 53:36Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna have to when I get back on it.

• 53:37Speaker 04

  Yeah. Give yourself an hour. You gotta get the natural cortisol levels.

• 53:40Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  Juberman over here. And uh, and uh, and then also don't look at your phone and go right into social media. You're just gonna be fucking, all day long, you're gonna be tapped if you go right to caffeine and phone. So give yourself an hour, so Siri, set timer one hour, and then go into the phone and a coffee.

• 53:56Mark Normand?

  Don't let the phone dictate your day. Cause you wake up, you start going, ah, now the phone's got control of you. You gotta control the phone.

• 54:02Speaker 04

  It's fucked. We're all fucked. So anyway, that's a wreck that I got that I thought would be, you know, hopefully people out there did. Um, you know, no coffee for an hour. What else? Oh, this is interesting. Suitcase. It's a case for a suit.

• 54:16Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 54:17Speaker 04

  But we don't think about that.

• 54:18Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 54:19Speaker 04

  You're looking at me like you son of a bitch.

• 54:21Sam Morril?

  This is like if Seinfeld smoked too much weed. And he's just like, wait a second.

• 54:26Speaker 04

  See, that's why I lobbed it up. I knew there'd be some. But suitcase, it's like cupboard, cupboard. We don't think about these things.

• 54:32Mark Normand?

  I think about that.

• 54:33Speaker 04

  You do?

• 54:33Mark Normand?

  Well, suitcase.

• 54:35Speaker 04

  You have a brain of a thinker.

• 54:35Mark Normand?

  The irony is a suitcase tends to come in a bag.

• 54:38Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 54:38Mark Normand?

  You know, you hold that bag up with the hanger on top.

• 54:40Speaker 04

  It's like cargo is on a ship and shipments on the car. What are we doing?

• 54:44Mark Normand?

  Brain is melting. Well, you park on a driveway, you drive on a parkway.

• 54:48Speaker 04

  Alright, I'm outta here.

• 54:49Mark Normand?

  Alright, I'll see you all in hell.

• 54:51Speaker 04

  No, so yeah, no, that's fun.

• 54:53Mark Normand?

  Suitcase, but these are good little things to notice.

• 54:55Sam Morril?

  Interesting, yeah.

• 54:55Speaker 04

  Here's another good one. In coffee world, you ever heard of a nappaccino?

• 54:59Mark Normand?

  Oh god, I hate it already.

• 55:00Speaker 04

  You take an espresso shot right as you're about to take a nap.

• 55:03Mark Normand?

  I hate this stuff.

• 55:04Speaker 04

  No, it's amazing.

• 55:04Mark Normand?

  It doesn't, who can nap when they need to?

• 55:06Speaker 04

  Listen, the timing.

• 55:07Sam Morril?

  Alright, sorry.

• 55:08Speaker 04

  I learned it in Spain where they know their coffee and they know their naps. And you take an espresso shot as you're going down. You gotta time it perfect. And when you wake up 20 minutes later, zing baby.

• 55:17Mark Normand?

  Well.

• 55:18Speaker 04

  You're zinging and zanging.

• 55:18Mark Normand?

  I tried.

• 55:19Sam Morril?

  It will never work for me.

• 55:20Mark Normand?

  It'll never work.

• 55:21Speaker 04

  Try it.

• 55:21Mark Normand?

  Cause you sit there and you go, okay, fall asleep.

• 55:24Speaker 04

  No, it's a wreck.

• 55:25Mark Normand?

  It's a nappaccino.

• 55:26Speaker 04

  It's a wreck, so I want you to try.

• 55:27Mark Normand?

  You can't do it, cause you can't, your brain won't turn off.

• 55:29Speaker 04

  I did it. I did it.

• 55:30Mark Normand?

  Alright, I'm good to do it.

• 55:30Sam Morril?

  I've heard of, I'm gonna go ahead and say this, and I don't mean any disrespect, I lose a little respect for nappers.

• 55:36Speaker 04

  You know, I can't, well, that's the thing.

• 55:37Sam Morril?

  I don't really like a napper. I've never been a napper.

• 55:40Mark Normand?

  Napa Valley.

• 55:41Speaker 04

  When you travel, it's easier. I'm not a napper, I can never shut the brain off.

• 55:44Sam Morril?

  I understand, like, maybe, maybe you got kids, it's different, you know?

• 55:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, no.

• 55:48Sam Morril?

  And the hours are screwed up. But like, I, I have friends who are like, I took a nap, I'm like, you don't have anything going on in here.

• 55:54Mark Normand?

  That's the problem.

• 55:55Sam Morril?

  What's with all these fucking naps?

• 55:56Mark Normand?

  Well, the other day I went drinking real hard and I had three shows and I got like an hour of sleep, pulled it all nighter, I had to have a nap.

• 56:02Sam Morril?

  But even the word nap is emasculating.

• 56:05Mark Normand?

  What about kidnap?

• 56:06Sam Morril?

  You took a little nap?

• 56:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like a baby term, right?

• 56:08Sam Morril?

  You took a little baby nap?

• 56:10Mark Normand?

  It's true.

• 56:11Sam Morril?

  You fucking, it's, oh, it's never like, uh, you're never gonna see like a longshoreman like, I'm gonna take a nap.

• 56:18Mark Normand?

  Well, you know what they do, they had power in the front. Just so it's less sissy.

• 56:22Speaker 04

  White power nap.

• 56:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but that's like a white collar move.

• 56:25Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 56:26Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna take a power nap and you're like, alright.

• 56:28Mark Normand?

  Power nap. Was it powerful? I'm a bottom. Power nap, then there's cat nap, and then there's kidnap.

• 56:34Speaker 04

  Oh, so if an adult gets kidnapped, is it a kidnap?

• 56:38Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 56:39Speaker 04

  Like, what's her name, is kidnapped, but she's eighty-eight years old?

• 56:41Sam Morril?

  I think it's still a kidnapping.

• 56:42Mark Normand?

  Savannah Guthrie.

• 56:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:44Mark Normand?

  It should be a napping.

• 56:44Speaker 04

  Did they find her yet?

• 56:45Mark Normand?

  Nah, she's dead.

• 56:46Speaker 04

  Oh, shit.

• 56:47Sam Morril?

  Is she officially dead?

• 56:48Mark Normand?

  I'm calling it right now.

• 56:49Speaker 04

  Usually.

• 56:50Sam Morril?

  Calling it.

• 56:50Mark Normand?

  I'm calling it.

• 56:51Sam Morril?

  You don't have the authority to call this.

• 56:53Mark Normand?

  Pollymark, put me down for a dead Savannah Guthrie. Okay. Well, no wonder that guy, he's gonna wanna scrub the episode.

• 57:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:01Sam Morril?

  I got, I got, I got, I got a couple peeves.

• 57:03Mark Normand?

  Well, wait, let me just say this off your, off your suitcase. I got one that'll rock your tits right off there, Rexy.

• 57:12Mark Normand?

  Dress shoe. Imagine being a foreigner and you're like, dress shoe? So I gotta wear a shoe that goes with a dress? Is it a dress or a shoe? And then there's also, there's dress shirt.

• 57:23Sam Morril?

  It was dressed up, like the Canadians call their, they're like, they're chipped with everything on it, all dressed.

• 57:28Speaker 04

  It's dress. Uh, yeah, it's dress up.

• 57:30Mark Normand?

  It's dress up.

• 57:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think so.

• 57:32Mark Normand?

  But it's a dress.

• 57:33Speaker 04

  I wanna go up with dress.

• 57:34Mark Normand?

  Is a thing, and then so a dress shoe, it's, it's like a, a bull shark. Which one is it?

• 57:39Sam Morril?

  Nah, I think it's.

• 57:40Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 57:40Sam Morril?

  It's alright.

• 57:41Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 57:42Speaker 04

  And then you order some shoes to your address, alright, okay. Um, Jesus, I gotta get out of here.

• 57:46Mark Normand?

  If you're a foreigner, that would be confusing, or how about this one? Pretty ugly. She's pretty ugly. Wait a minute, wait, wait, pretty ugly, what, make up your mind here, dickless.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah, it's like a Dodge Ram, yeah.

• 57:56Mark Normand?

  Dodge Ram.

• 57:58Speaker 03

  You're ramming it.

• 57:59Mark Normand?

  Ah, alright, let me get Jerry on the line.

• 58:03Speaker 04

  Wait, also, you know the term drag, you know what that comes from, like a drag?

• 58:07Mark Normand?

  Like, that shows, drag queen, or like, you're a drag? Okay.

• 58:11Sam Morril?

  So it's negative, this is a drag?

• 58:13Speaker 04

  Well, no, no, the drag queen comes from back in the old theater in England, they, the men would wear a dress that played women and it would drag on the ground, and that's the origin of drag queen, and they wear the outfits.

• 58:25Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 58:26Speaker 04

  It's from the British, a lot of stuff comes from British.

• 58:28Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 58:29Speaker 04

  Uh, origins, a lot of prison origins.

• 58:31Sam Morril?

  Right. I asked my wife, she wants a cigarette after sex, she said, no thanks, one drag is enough.

• 58:36Speaker 04

  That's a good Bill Cosby.

• 58:38Sam Morril?

  My Cosby.

• 58:41Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah.

• 58:42Mark Normand?

  Alright, sorry, what was your thing?

• 58:45Sam Morril?

  I got a few peeves.

• 58:46Mark Normand?

  Okay, hit me.

• 58:47Sam Morril?

  Well, one is people who get too annoyed by a fart.

• 58:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, thank you, I appreciate it.

• 58:53Sam Morril?

  Have you met these people, they're just like, ah, ah, and you're like, alright, calm down.

• 58:59Mark Normand?

  You hear that, Barghatsi?

• 59:00Sam Morril?

  You think it, well, he just looked annoyed.

• 59:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:02Sam Morril?

  I'm talking about the people who get like dramatic over, you've seen it where they're like, oh, who farted?

• 59:06Speaker 04

  You did it to Seinfeld, and you took a shit on Sandler's tour, I know too much.

• 59:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I shouldn't have done that, that was, that was a rookie move.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:13Mark Normand?

  That's a, that's a no-no.

• 59:14Sam Morril?

  I'm out of the in-crowd.

• 59:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:16Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep.

• 59:17Sam Morril?

  But, uh, no, the, the people who get, and also the people that try to shame the farter.

• 59:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like, come on.

• 59:21Sam Morril?

  If it's a close group of friends, I'll give it to you, but the people, who farted?

• 59:24Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, yes, no, I'm with you.

• 59:27Sam Morril?

  This is a knives-out motherfucker?

• 59:30Mark Normand?

  And it's gonna end, the fart dissipates in a minute and a half, get out of here.

• 59:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 59:33Mark Normand?

  I can see if it lingered.

• 59:35Speaker 04

  It's like when people get mad, you haven't seen, fill in the blank, movies. People get upset about the lack of movie scenes, what's your one movie you're embarrassed you haven't seen? Lion King, not embarrassed, but people see, people get upset, and I'm not gonna see it.

• 59:47Mark Normand?

  Based on Hamlet.

• 59:48Speaker 04

  Speaking of farting.

• 59:49Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 59:50Speaker 04

  Alright, we're tying things together.

• 59:51Mark Normand?

  Passing wind, I like it.

• 59:53Sam Morril?

  I should see it, I feel like.

• 59:53Mark Normand?

  It's, it's fun.

• 59:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't think I've seen it either.

• 59:58Sam Morril?

  What's uh, I got another peeve for you.

• 1:00:00Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:00:01Sam Morril?

  This is when you're singing Happy Birthday with my niece, everyone's singing Happy Birthday. There's always the person that goes, "And many more."

• 1:00:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:09Sam Morril?

  She's three, why are we bringing her death into this?

• 1:00:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:12Sam Morril?

  I'm hoping she doesn't die.

• 1:00:13Speaker 04

  Oh, that's what that, yeah, you're wishing more.

• 1:00:15Sam Morril?

  And many more.

• 1:00:16Speaker 04

  On Channel 4, that's what we used to do.

• 1:00:17Mark Normand?

  And she's three, she's got many more.

• 1:00:19Sam Morril?

  There's gonna be more.

• 1:00:20Mark Normand?

  Way more.

• 1:00:21Sam Morril?

  And by the way, if you do the "And many more" to someone who's like 99, it's almost cruel.

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:00:26Sam Morril?

  How many more did that person want?

• 1:00:28Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 1:00:29Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:00:29Mark Normand?

  Also, it shows the difference between white people and black people right there. Happy birthday, how's the black birthday song go?

• 1:00:35Speaker 04

  Happy birthday to you.

• 1:00:38Mark Normand?

  So much jazzier than, "Happy birthday to you." That's such a honky square dance, but they got "Happy birthday." That's the difference right there.

• 1:00:48Speaker 04

  I was at a restaurant last night, I hear "Happy birthday," I look over, lovely black family singing "Happy birthday," they didn't do your version, they went white.

• 1:00:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, is that right?

• 1:00:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, they went white.

• 1:00:56Sam Morril?

  What restaurant?

• 1:00:57Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:00:57Speaker 04

  A Chinese restaurant called Tuxedo.

• 1:00:59Mark Normand?

  There you go. Well, if it's White Castle, who knows? But, they got their own anthem and their own birthday.

• 1:01:06Speaker 04

  What's the anthem?

• 1:01:07Mark Normand?

  The Black National Anthem, they played at the Super Bowl.

• 1:01:09Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:01:09Mark Normand?

  I didn't catch it, it was something with Drake.

• 1:01:11Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:01:11Mark Normand?

  But, uh, yeah, they got, I just realized they have two songs of theirs.

• 1:01:16Speaker 04

  Great.

• 1:01:17Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:01:18Speaker 04

  Cheers.

• 1:01:18Mark Normand?

  What a country. Alright, you know my peeve?

• 1:01:21Speaker 04

  Tell us, here it is.

• 1:01:22Mark Normand?

  These fucking restaurants where they order shrimp, they don't take the peel, the tails off.

• 1:01:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:27Sam Morril?

  Infuriating.

• 1:01:28Mark Normand?

  Get the tail out of there, you're already cooking it, you're tossing the salad.

• 1:01:31Sam Morril?

  There's no way to do it with a knife and fork. You're making my fingers fucking nasty.

• 1:01:36Mark Normand?

  Good point, you gotta pick it up, now you're that guy.

• 1:01:38Speaker 04

  It's the handle, is that why they leave it? Handle.

• 1:01:42Mark Normand?

  Well, I want the fork, I got a salad going, now I gotta take the shrimp out, de-ball it, put it back in, then eat it.

• 1:01:48Sam Morril?

  I even, I'll tell you one further, I even get sometimes a little annoyed when someone hands you the skewer. Just take it off the stick.

• 1:01:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I'm with you.

• 1:01:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but no one's using it for the top one.

• 1:02:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it's a nice pull. You get a good pull. Yeah, you're right. After that, you gotta move.

• 1:02:04Sam Morril?

  You're moving it. It's fingers.

• 1:02:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:02:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm with you.

• 1:02:06Sam Morril?

  Or using the fork.

• 1:02:08Mark Normand?

  Get it all in there. No skewer, no tail.

• 1:02:10Sam Morril?

  The tail really bugs me.

• 1:02:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're already doing everything else. Just knock that off.

• 1:02:15Speaker 04

  All right.

• 1:02:15Sam Morril?

  Shrimp, they say, people, some people are very anti-eating shrimp. They're like,

• 1:02:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love shrimp.

• 1:02:20Sam Morril?

  I mean, just like when you look at what they look like, they're like the roaches of the sea.

• 1:02:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, like lobster.

• 1:02:23Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:02:24Sam Morril?

  But they're fucking good.

• 1:02:25Mark Normand?

  They're great.

• 1:02:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, lobster used to be for like poor people and then they decided to make it fancy. Now we're spending eighty-eight dollars a pound. What are we doing?

• 1:02:31Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:02:32Sam Morril?

  I think lobster's overrated.

• 1:02:33Mark Normand?

  I agree. I agree.

• 1:02:35Sam Morril?

  It's too much work.

• 1:02:35Mark Normand?

  It's good.

• 1:02:36Sam Morril?

  You're spending that much money. I gotta do all the fucking work, too?

• 1:02:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Also, you dip anything in butter. I could dip my dad's dick in butter. It would taste good.

• 1:02:42Sam Morril?

  I've tried it. It's pretty good.

• 1:02:44Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:02:45Sam Morril?

  I salted it, too.

• 1:02:46Mark Normand?

  Ah, can't believe it's not dead.

• 1:02:50Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, did I write down any peeves?

• 1:02:52Mark Normand?

  All right, I got one more.

• 1:02:53Speaker 04

  Okay, let's try it.

• 1:02:53Mark Normand?

  How about this guy? The guy who has to let you know, you know, I type something on a text and then I go, oh, I spelled, I didn't put day, I put say. So I'm like,

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, what say is it coming out? And then I go, oh, edit, day. And he goes, oh, I say, oh, shit, I saw it. I saw you made a mistake. And I'm like, yeah, I edited it. And he's like, I caught it. Say, say what? Say what again, motherfucker? What, no, cut driver, whatever. Like, we have to dwell on this now?

• 1:03:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:23Mark Normand?

  Why?

• 1:03:24Sam Morril?

  The iPhone has, there's one that always does for me because I text basketball a lot with my friends and I always type in Giannis, the basketball player, G I N, you know, G I A N N I S.

• 1:03:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:34Sam Morril?

  And it always types in Johnny apostrophe S.

• 1:03:37Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:03:37Sam Morril?

  Johnny's.

• 1:03:38Mark Normand?

  Johnny's po-boys, yeah.

• 1:03:40Sam Morril?

  I've known no one named Johnny with that spelling.

• 1:03:42Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:03:43Sam Morril?

  With a G I. I'm never gonna say that.

• 1:03:45Mark Normand?

  And then, hey, iPhone, after I corrected for the third time, let's just keep it that way.

• 1:03:48Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:03:49Mark Normand?

  Stop re-correcting me. You mansplaining me with your iPhone. So yeah, alright. So I hate the guy who has to let you know he caught the edit. Whoa, what a detective here. We got Harriet the Spy in the house.

• 1:03:59Sam Morril?

  Well, it's the same person in the comments, like, when you, when you type in the wrong thing. They're like, "I saw you fucked up the first time."

• 1:04:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, same shit.

• 1:04:05Speaker 04

  Well, congrats detective. God forbid you unsend, like, they freak out, like, "What did you unsend?" I actually know on the other end, you're like, "What did I miss? Did they send a racist meme?" Why did you guys get accent figures? Who did that?

• 1:04:17Sam Morril?

  I did it to a girl recently. She unsent something, I'm like, "What was it?" Like, hoping it was a nude or something? Like, "I missed it. I should have been on my phone. Simon told me to wake up and not look at it."

• 1:04:27Speaker 04

  Is that real? Joke World Bracket Champions, or is that just for fun?

• 1:04:30Mark Normand?

  That's real, baby.

• 1:04:31Speaker 04

  What did you, who, who voted on that?

• 1:04:33Mark Normand?

  Joke World, uh, the page, the channel.

• 1:04:35Speaker 04

  Amazing.

• 1:04:36Sam Morril?

  We've fallen hard since 23.

• 1:04:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I blame Gary Vee.

• 1:04:41Speaker 04

  No coincidence.

• 1:04:42Sam Morril?

  I liked him. I thought he could have.

• 1:04:43Mark Normand?

  I liked him too. He was very nice.

• 1:04:44Speaker 04

  I, I, I, uh, I'm pulling for him.

• 1:04:47Sam Morril?

  And, and unlike other guests, uh, so-called influencers, he didn't ask for his episode to be removed.

• 1:04:52Speaker 03

  Ooh, that's a peeve.

• 1:04:54Mark Normand?

  That's a peeve and a half, right there.

• 1:04:57Sam Morril?

  We all got saucy when I said that.

• 1:05:01Mark Normand?

  Go, girl. Uh-uh.

• 1:05:03Sam Morril?

  I said it.

• 1:05:03Speaker 03

  So I got peeved that could pertain to somebody in this room.

• 1:05:05Mark Normand?

  You don't know me.

• 1:05:06Sam Morril?

  You know, you got a peeve of someone in the room? It's, it's me or Mark.

• 1:05:10Speaker 03

  That's true. So you have a friend who credit card swipes you, or...

• 1:05:15Sam Morril?

  It's Mark.

• 1:05:16Speaker 03

  Flicks you in the balls.

• 1:05:17Sam Morril?

  Definitely Mark.

• 1:05:18Speaker 03

  And then you say something like, "Hey, do you mind? I'm having a little sensitivity." And then they'll say something like, "Hey, how was I supposed to know?"

• 1:05:26Mark Normand?

  "That, well, I didn't do that."

• 1:05:27Speaker 03

  "But I have to tell you not to flick me in the balls." "You're supposed to know not to flick me in the balls."

• 1:05:34Mark Normand?

  Did I flick your balls?

• 1:05:35Speaker 03

  You've done it.

• 1:05:36Mark Normand?

  That's odd.

• 1:05:36Sam Morril?

  We're gonna have a sexual harassment suit on this show.

• 1:05:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's old.

• 1:05:40Speaker 03

  That's old, Mark, yes.

• 1:05:41Mark Normand?

  I'll, I'll do a swipe, though.

• 1:05:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:43Mark Normand?

  Swipe, I still am a fan of, because no one gets hurt. It's a victimless crime.

• 1:05:47Speaker 04

  You know those little white dogs with the black?

• 1:05:48Sam Morril?

  Cut to a lawsuit. No one gets hurt. Peters is like, "I felt unsafe in the office."

• 1:05:55Speaker 04

  No, okay, here's a, a pet peeve, the little white dogs with the crust in their eye, those disgusting little white- Clean the eyes, what are we doing? Why do we have to have the white dog with the crusty eyes?

• 1:06:07Sam Morril?

  That's what we should torture terrorists. We should take the crust out from the eyes and stick it down their fucking throat. That'd be a good one.

• 1:06:13Speaker 04

  Oh, there we go. Well, that's the-

• 1:06:14Mark Normand?

  That's a butthole.

• 1:06:15Speaker 04

  Yep, but, s- same situation.

• 1:06:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Holy, yeah, the eye crust. It's, it's gotta go.

• 1:06:22Speaker 04

  Just wipe it.

• 1:06:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm with you. Give it a, give it a douche.

• 1:06:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, what else? I think I wrote a couple down. Oh, yeah, uh, what about this one? And I just did it. When you're talking to, they talk to you and you respond to someone and then mid convo, they look at their phone. As you're talking to them, it's rude.

• 1:06:39Mark Normand?

  That's wild.

• 1:06:42Speaker 04

  You son of a bitch.

• 1:06:43Mark Normand?

  I, I like it.

• 1:06:44Sam Morril?

  I got another pet peeve.

• 1:06:45Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:06:46Sam Morril?

  Afghan hounds. Look up these fucking ghouls.

• 1:06:49Mark Normand?

  Everything Afghan-y.

• 1:06:51Sam Morril?

  Look up these ghouls and tell me, I mean, these are fucking brutal. Oh, come on.

• 1:06:55Mark Normand?

  Afghan hound. That's what I call the guy that threw their bomb in New York.

• 1:06:58Sam Morril?

  That is a fucking brutal dog.

• 1:07:00Speaker 04

  That's a, that, it looks like a human. You know what a bowser is?

• 1:07:02Sam Morril?

  It looks like Sam Elliott in Roadhouse.

• 1:07:04Speaker 04

  It does.

• 1:07:04Mark Normand?

  I was thinking Laura Dern.

• 1:07:07Speaker 04

  Yes, wait, you know when someone looks like their dog, it's called a bowser. And some people look like their dogs.

• 1:07:11Mark Normand?

  I didn't know that.

• 1:07:12Speaker 04

  They call it a bowser and, uh, that definitely looks like a human being.

• 1:07:16Mark Normand?

  That's Tilda Swinton right there.

• 1:07:17Speaker 04

  Yes, it is. Tilda Swinton.

• 1:07:19Sam Morril?

  Those dogs freak, they freak me out. Dogs that look too human-like freak me out too.

• 1:07:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I don't like it.

• 1:07:24Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, it does look like the wizard from, uh, Gandalf.

• 1:07:28Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:07:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:07:30Mark Normand?

  Gandolfini.

• 1:07:33Speaker 04

  All right.

• 1:07:33Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:07:34Speaker 04

  Covered the dogs.

• 1:07:35Mark Normand?

  You had one that you said something and I had a thing and I lost it. What did you say? Eye crust?

• 1:07:39Speaker 04

  Oh, your mid-convo text?

• 1:07:41Mark Normand?

  Mid-convo text, yeah, yeah, that's something.

• 1:07:44Speaker 04

  People that overreact when you say you haven't seen a movie and they get upset at you.

• 1:07:49Mark Normand?

  Nah, I lost it.

• 1:07:51Sam Morril?

  I gotta pee.

• 1:07:52Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:07:53Sam Morril?

  These fucking, these influencers on Instagram who think they're like investigative journalists. Where they're like, did you know that McDonald's has eighteen different ingredients in their fries? And four different seed oils, or oils or whatever, and you're just like, yeah dude, it's fucking McDonald's.

• 1:08:09Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:08:09Sam Morril?

  What did you think we were doing here?

• 1:08:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:12Sam Morril?

  No, have you ever eaten it and not felt like a piece of shit afterwards?

• 1:08:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:16Sam Morril?

  That's, you're not breaking news.

• 1:08:18Mark Normand?

  Yes, that's the gamble, that's the rub. We all know that. You go to McDonald's, you're eating shit.

• 1:08:23Sam Morril?

  That was like my first hangover as a kid, is McDonald's.

• 1:08:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:27Sam Morril?

  Cause you're like nine and your body can't process it.

• 1:08:28Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 1:08:29Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, mine was candy. I'd go ape shit at Halloween. I was like, whoa.

• 1:08:33Speaker 04

  Dude, I used to be so addicted to the sour gummy straws that I would chew them and then spit out the gummy just to get the sour without digesting.

• 1:08:42Mark Normand?

  You're an addict.

• 1:08:42Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:08:43Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:08:44Sam Morril?

  It's dark.

• 1:08:45Speaker 04

  It's dark shit, dude.

• 1:08:46Mark Normand?

  You tied your arm up?

• 1:08:47Speaker 04

  When I smoked weed.

• 1:08:48Mark Normand?

  You had a spoon?

• 1:08:49Sam Morril?

  Little fruit by the foot? Oh, fuck. I'm gonna tie off.

• 1:08:53Speaker 04

  Dude, I haven't smoked weed in years and this morning I was at the Russian bathhouse, which I've invited you to, but you're like, I have a spot, but it's not the point. You go to the Russian bathhouse, you know the Russian Turkish bathhouse?

• 1:09:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, he'll clog the drain.

• 1:09:03Sam Morril?

  Where about that fucking prosthetic dick?

• 1:09:05Speaker 04

  No, this place is the best. My buddy's the owner, so we would get a little VIP open in the morning and his buddy was smoking a vape and he's like, oh, this is like blue ice. And I was like, oh, nicotine, can I get a hit? It was fucking weed. I'm like, oh no, I gotta go do the pod with the boys and I smoked weed.

• 1:09:18Sam Morril?

  Your eyes do look bloodshot.

• 1:09:19Speaker 04

  But I didn't get stoned. I went, I'm like, I'm seven percent stoned.

• 1:09:23Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, I've been there.

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  Fuck, I don't smoke weed anymore. I was like, they're like, it's fine, it's sativa. I'm like, I haven't smoked in three and a half fucking years.

• 1:09:30Mark Normand?

  No, no offense to the bathhouse, but I cannot relax. The whole thing is about relaxing and taking the edge off and all that, but I'm like, I'm jumping in cold water, there's giant fat men's dicks out, my dick's out.

• 1:09:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:41Mark Normand?

  I can't relax in a bathhouse.

• 1:09:42Speaker 04

  That's why you go in the morning when it's empty and clean.

• 1:09:45Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:09:46Speaker 04

  Clean and empty.

• 1:09:47Sam Morril?

  That's a rec. Go places off hours.

• 1:09:49Mark Normand?

  Yes, off peak.

• 1:09:50Sam Morril?

  Go to fuck, go to dinner at five.

• 1:09:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:53Sam Morril?

  Or ten.

• 1:09:54Mark Normand?

  Early bird.

• 1:09:54Sam Morril?

  Go whenever it's not popping, I think. Go anywhere.

• 1:09:57Mark Normand?

  Got it. Yeah, that's good. The airport, empty, nothing but an empty airport.

• 1:10:01Sam Morril?

  What are you pulling up, Salakus?

• 1:10:04Sam Morril?

  Pulling up random bathhouse pictures?

• 1:10:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, I like a good, there's a wreck, a nice steam and a ice bath. That's a natural high right there, baby.

• 1:10:12Mark Normand?

  Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:14Speaker 04

  Did you, what did, what is that book that you keep pulling up? Did you, is that an AI fun thing?

• 1:10:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like the one thing I produced in five years. It's a Simon's Rex.

• 1:10:21Mark Normand?

  That's pretty good.

• 1:10:22Sam Morril?

  I like it.

• 1:10:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:24Sam Morril?

  You come full of Rex, dude.

• 1:10:25Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:10:26Mark Normand?

  Easy.

• 1:10:26Speaker 04

  I do, actually, I didn't come there.

• 1:10:30Mark Normand?

  Boy, I rewatched Ray. That is a sad fucking movie.

• 1:10:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:34Mark Normand?

  I didn't realize it.

• 1:10:34Sam Morril?

  Lost his brother, right?

• 1:10:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, drowned in a bucket.

• 1:10:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:38Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 1:10:38Sam Morril?

  Man, I love the scene in that movie where, I'm sure it didn't happen like this, but where he comes up with Hit the Road, Jack.

• 1:10:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:46Sam Morril?

  That's fucking great.

• 1:10:46Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 1:10:47Sam Morril?

  Kicking him out and it just hits him, Hit the Road, Jack. And don't you come.

• 1:10:50Speaker 04

  You gotta say, I mean, Jamie Foxx, for what it's worth, might be the most talented all-around guy in the game. Think about it, singing, stand-up.

• 1:10:59Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:11:00Speaker 04

  Acting, Oscar-worthy, Oscar-winning performances. And now he's like hosting a game, what, like, dude, what can't you do?

• 1:11:05Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:11:06Speaker 04

  And he's like a cool guy. Have you ever hung out with him? He's like a cool dude.

• 1:11:09Speaker 03

  No, I've never hung out with him.

• 1:11:10Speaker 04

  He acts.

• 1:11:11Mark Normand?

  Come on here.

• 1:11:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:12Mark Normand?

  No, but Ray, I never realized how sad it was, like, because I saw it, you know, in two thousand two, whatever it was. But he rides a bus from Florida to Seattle for an open mic.

• 1:11:23Speaker 04

  We've all been there.

• 1:11:24Mark Normand?

  I know, but I could read a magazine. I never thought about it. The guy's blind on a bus in the forties, just going.

• 1:11:32Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:11:32Mark Normand?

  I mean, you got no podcast, no radio.

• 1:11:35Sam Morril?

  That's where the songs came from, though, dude.

• 1:11:36Mark Normand?

  I guess so, but you can't even look out the window.

• 1:11:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you don't come up with Georgia, just fucking staring at an iPhone.

• 1:11:42Mark Normand?

  I know, but.

• 1:11:43Sam Morril?

  You gotta come up with, you.

• 1:11:43Speaker 04

  He must have wrote that on the way from Florida.

• 1:11:46Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:11:47Speaker 04

  Okay, did he go blind or born blind?

• 1:11:49Mark Normand?

  He got lost when he was seven, a juvenile glaucoma. I looked it up.

• 1:11:53Sam Morril?

  God damn.

• 1:11:54Mark Normand?

  And one eye was removed.

• 1:11:55Speaker 04

  Ooh, okay, so.

• 1:11:56Sam Morril?

  And one testicle.

• 1:11:57Mark Normand?

  Hitler.

• 1:11:58Sam Morril?

  And his butthole.

• 1:11:59Mark Normand?

  No, I'm kidding.

• 1:12:01Speaker 04

  Because that would be worse, is to go blind because you know what you're missing.

• 1:12:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:05Speaker 04

  Born blind, you have no idea what you're missing.

• 1:12:07Mark Normand?

  I don't know about that. Because now you can, you can picture your mom, picture your brother, picture your house. You're gonna, it's got it all up here.

• 1:12:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, either way, it sucks.

• 1:12:15Speaker 04

  You ever see those, uh, videos of the kids that are like, uh, you know, almost blind and they put the glasses on and they can see?

• 1:12:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's the best video.

• 1:12:24Speaker 04

  Break your heart.

• 1:12:25Mark Normand?

  That's the best.

• 1:12:26Speaker 04

  The kids that their dad is in the military.

• 1:12:27Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:12:28Speaker 04

  Oh, you'll suck your own dick.

• 1:12:30Sam Morril?

  I can't deal with the cry porn.

• 1:12:31Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:12:31Mark Normand?

  I love it. I don't like sad porn.

• 1:12:33Speaker 04

  I want to feel something.

• 1:12:34Mark Normand?

  That's all positive porn.

• 1:12:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:36Speaker 04

  Yeah. That's good stuff. Algorithm feeds you, it makes you upset. It knows you're gonna get mad and then you engage.

• 1:12:43Mark Normand?

  Outrage wins.

• 1:12:44Speaker 04

  You never comment, dude. I never comment. Some people, never. I don't even wanna hit a heart cuz people see like.

• 1:12:49Sam Morril?

  I comment all the time. If I see a woman in a bikini pic, I write nice.

• 1:12:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:53Sam Morril?

  I write, you're looking great.

• 1:12:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, especially, yeah.

• 1:12:56Mark Normand?

  Single.

• 1:12:56Sam Morril?

  I'm with those guys.

• 1:12:57Mark Normand?

  You up? Yeah.

• 1:12:58Sam Morril?

  When women, when hot women post pictures, it's all women comments.

• 1:13:02Mark Normand?

  Of course. Well, a man liking a hot influencer is the same as thinking the stripper is gonna like you.

• 1:13:07Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:13:08Sam Morril?

  It's crazy.

• 1:13:08Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:13:09Mark Normand?

  What do you think she's like, hey, this, Bob liked me. Let me look him up.

• 1:13:12Speaker 04

  Same with politics. You think your politician likes you is like thinking a stripper likes you. They don't give a fuck.

• 1:13:17Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 1:13:18Sam Morril?

  One of my best friends slid into an actress's DMs the other day. I'm like, what are you doing?

• 1:13:22Mark Normand?

  What are you doing, Sydney sweetie?

• 1:13:24Sam Morril?

  But at the same time, I'm like, you know what? Fucking go for it.

• 1:13:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I guess so. You never know.

• 1:13:28Sam Morril?

  You never know.

• 1:13:29Mark Normand?

  But I also.

• 1:13:30Sam Morril?

  People win the lottery.

• 1:13:30Mark Normand?

  That's true. And you might catch her at a vulnerable moment.

• 1:13:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:34Mark Normand?

  But also, I think people were so bored back in the day that if you asked a girl out, she was like, fuck it, I'll go out with you.

• 1:13:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:40Mark Normand?

  What else am I doing?

• 1:13:40Sam Morril?

  But also, that's how you met. Now it's like.

• 1:13:42Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:13:43Sam Morril?

  The problem with these apps now is like you're, you're matching, there's too much choice. You're matching with someone, you're on an app and you're like,

• 1:13:49Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 1:13:50Sam Morril?

  I just match with someone in Copenhagen.

• 1:13:51Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:13:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:52Sam Morril?

  You used to only like meet your neighbors.

• 1:13:54Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 1:13:55Sam Morril?

  Now you're like, now the world, it's like going to the grocery store and having 4,000 tuna options.

• 1:13:59Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:14:00Sam Morril?

  Even if you have a great tuna, you're like, there's gotta be a better tuna out there.

• 1:14:03Mark Normand?

  Porn's the ultimate one.

• 1:14:04Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:14:05Mark Normand?

  I'm scrolling all day. I'm like, she's not perfect. Where, where's the midgets? Where's the wheelchairs?

• 1:14:09Speaker 04

  It's the Cheesecake Factory. Just give me 10 options, I'll pick something. The Cheesecake Factory, it's a panic attack.

• 1:14:14Mark Normand?

  Exactly. Whereas my aunt would bend over, I'd see cleavage and I was like, I'm good for a week.

• 1:14:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:14:20Mark Normand?

  But, cuz that's all we had.

• 1:14:21Speaker 04

  We had to use our imagination when we rubbed one out. I remember you'd get like the Mervyn's catalog and it would be like, you'd be like, gimme, it's a visual.

• 1:14:28Mark Normand?

  Love it.

• 1:14:29Speaker 04

  And now you got like AI.

• 1:14:30Sam Morril?

  It's such broomish to be like, the whole kid is like, in my day, we had to think, we had to think about a pussy.

• 1:14:35Speaker 04

  There's a rec, rub one out to your imagination.

• 1:14:37Mark Normand?

  That's impossible.

• 1:14:38Speaker 04

  No, you could do it.

• 1:14:39Mark Normand?

  Those days are over.

• 1:14:40Sam Morril?

  I can do it.

• 1:14:40Mark Normand?

  Well, you think of all the hookups.

• 1:14:41Sam Morril?

  Takes me four hours, but I can do it.

• 1:14:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. A dick's chafed.

• 1:14:45Speaker 04

  Well, there's a good for the. Blind guy, if he rubs one out and he never saw anything, what's he, what does he even know he's missing?

• 1:14:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, he fucked a lot of whores, Ray Charles. And he hated fat women.

• 1:14:55Speaker 04

  You know, it doesn't even matter. Fat woman would probably be better if you're blind.

• 1:14:57Mark Normand?

  He didn't like it.

• 1:14:58Sam Morril?

  Fat women are probably more offensive to a blind person, cuz you can see the beauty in a heavier woman if you see. But if you're just feeling, you're like.

• 1:15:06Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 1:15:07Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 1:15:07Mark Normand?

  Cuz this is, could be a tit and that's a gut.

• 1:15:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:10Speaker 04

  It's like that movie Mask. She, the blind girl, like, touching his face.

• 1:15:14Mark Normand?

  Ah, Jim Carrey.

• 1:15:15Speaker 04

  She's like, huh. No, not that one. Uh, De- De- Rocky Dennis.

• 1:15:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:19Mark Normand?

  She's touching his face.

• 1:15:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, I actually, when I worked at MTV, the actor who played, who was gonna be in Back to the Future, what's his name who played?

• 1:15:25Sam Morril?

  Eric, uh, Stoltz.

• 1:15:27Speaker 04

  I remember when I worked as a VJ on MTV, he was a guest and I just did the worst joke as, uh, he was a guest and I said, well, you look a lot better since Mask. Bad joke, I admit. And he goes, ah, ha, ha, real fucking funny. They're like, cut. And then I had to do the interview afterwards. He was not happy. It's like, dude, it's not even your real head, like.

• 1:15:46Sam Morril?

  It's not, it's not a good joke, but it's not that bad.

• 1:15:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:49Sam Morril?

  And he has to be like, hey, fuck you, man.

• 1:15:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know, it was.

• 1:15:51Mark Normand?

  Weird shit.

• 1:15:54Mark Normand?

  Damn, Stoltz, he's got a tood.

• 1:15:56Speaker 04

  Dude, when I was at MTV, I remember Michael Jordan came in and Daisy Fuentes.

• 1:16:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, love the Fuentes. Uh, both, though.

• 1:16:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Uh, she was the hot Latina on MTV back in the nineties and I remember.

• 1:16:08Mark Normand?

  Spicy.

• 1:16:09Speaker 04

  I was hoping I'd get the interview with Michael, but she got it and I go into, with that damn Michael, I'm telling you, I'm working.

• 1:16:14Sam Morril?

  Hey, you look a lot better since, uh, Space Jam.

• 1:16:17Speaker 04

  No, eh, so I go into work that day and I didn't work that day. I wanted to see Michael Jordan. I watched the interview and then this is when he had his cologne. He had a cologne out.

• 1:16:24Mark Normand?

  Ah, yeah.

• 1:16:25Speaker 04

  So after the interview was over, she, she gives me in her dressing room his cologne. She's like, here, I don't need this. And I'm spraying my wrist with it. As I'm spraying my wrist, Michael Jordan opens the door and looks at us and he thanks Daisy. He goes, what do you think? And I freeze, cuz it's Michael Jordan. And I go.

• 1:16:42Speaker 04

  Thumbs up to the listeners. I put my thumbs up and she laughed at me, he laughed at me, I went beat red. I gave Michael Jordan the thumbs up. What do you say to Michael? That's not bad. I give him a thumbs up. That's better than, uh, you ruined the movie Stolz, or whatever you said. Yeah, you look better since Mask. Oh, yeah. Uh, it's bad. You could've said something about the Wizards. Yeah, the two people that I met at MTV that were like larger than life, it was Michael Jordan and Tupac. Whoa. Yeah, I interviewed him. Yeah, that's online. It was a, oh, there's the interview with Daisy Finnis. Did you shake hands? Did you touch him? With Puck? Um, yeah, you know what's funny is I remember we were, uh, this was 1997, it was right before he passed away and I was in LA.

• 1:17:22Sam Morril?

  By the way, he didn't pass away. I think he got shot a bunch of times.

• 1:17:27Speaker 04

  Okay, wait, so technically that's what got murdered?

• 1:17:29Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 1:17:29Speaker 04

  That's what I would've got shot.

• 1:17:31Sam Morril?

  I don't think, I think the doctor's like, unfortunately, uh, he's passed, he's passed on.

• 1:17:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. So, uh, I remember I, I was finished at work and I smoke a joint with my producer at MTV and Tupac arrives and like, you gotta interview him and it's live with the red light on and I go, dude, I can't, I'm too stoned. And they said, don't worry, so is he. Red light on and I interview him and I'm so uncomfortable, I'm looking at the floor the whole time and he carries the interview and he mocks, does a white boy voice, he's like, hey, alrighty then, I'm sorry, Rex.

• 1:18:00Speaker 06

  Everybody wanna make it a bigger thing.

• 1:18:02Speaker 04

  Everybody wants to get involved and everyone else is problem. I'm so high. Drama with a karma. Oh, my God.

• 1:18:07Speaker 06

  So, we got it going on, I got my man Buckshot, you know what I mean? I got Smith and Wesson in here. I got Greg Nice, the whole boot camp clique representing. Boot camp and outlaws, we all just gonna team up and just do this right. We Greg Nice, a lot of other people.

• 1:18:21Speaker 04

  Squash all that drama.

• 1:18:22Speaker 06

  Squash the drama, let's get back to making some money.

• 1:18:24Speaker 04

  How hard is trying to be cool? That's what I'm trying to do. I don't got any problems with anybody.

• 1:18:29Speaker 06

  I've been watching you though, I've been watching you.

• 1:18:30Speaker 04

  Oh, you like it? Thanks, man. I like your stuff too, man. You and Snoop are the homies, aren't you? He said you're good. Alright.

• 1:18:35Speaker 06

  That's all I had. Alrighty then.

• 1:18:37Speaker 04

  We'll be back with the other homies. Alrighty. Yeah, at 4:08. Thanks, uh, why don't you guys stick around for lots more fun. Two of America's Most Wanted, stay tuned. That's right. I mean, that's kinda crazy. Yeah, that's pretty wild.

• 1:18:48Sam Morril?

  You had to say the two of America's Most Wanted line.

• 1:18:50Speaker 04

  I mean, that was the song at the time.

• 1:18:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's pretty cool.

• 1:18:52Speaker 04

  America's Most Wanted. Oh, God. There was actually a

• 1:18:56Sam Morril?

  You were skinny as fuck, dude.

• 1:18:57Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, still am. I think I've probably been 180 my whole life since I was seven.

• 1:19:02Mark Normand?

  One eight seven.

• 1:19:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:04Mark Normand?

  On a motherfucking.

• 1:19:05Speaker 04

  But that was pretty crazy. Tupac, that was some legendary shit.

• 1:19:07Mark Normand?

  That is crazy. You meet Tupac.

• 1:19:10Speaker 04

  Tupac or MJ? What's that? Who are you more nervous around? Um, MJ. I couldn't speak. It's Michael Jordan. I'm a big basketball guy and he's like, the word goat gets, there's another pet peeve. Everyone's the goat. No, there's one goat.

• 1:19:21Mark Normand?

  That's good.

• 1:19:21Speaker 04

  There's a greatest of all time. And everyone's king now, too. Oh, yeah.

• 1:19:24Mark Normand?

  And twin. And queen.

• 1:19:27Speaker 04

  Oh, what's that?

• 1:19:27Mark Normand?

  It's mattresses.

• 1:19:29Speaker 04

  Oh, you know the term unk?

• 1:19:30Mark Normand?

  Unk is big.

• 1:19:31Speaker 04

  I thought it was uncle. It's uncool.

• 1:19:33Speaker 03

  It's not uncool. It's uncle.

• 1:19:34Speaker 04

  So how unk am I?

• 1:19:35Speaker 03

  Black culture, it's uncle. It's been that way for twenty years.

• 1:19:38Speaker 04

  I knew that. I was just testing you. Good job. This is our black culture correspondent. Well, I'm actually, uh, in African American culture, it means, um.

• 1:19:49Speaker 04

  Uh, okay, so chopped unk is like a blown out uncle?

• 1:19:52Speaker 03

  Ugly.

• 1:19:53Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:19:53Mark Normand?

  Chopped is ugly.

• 1:19:55Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 1:19:55Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:19:56Speaker 04

  I'm all serious. I should listen to this. Hold on.

• 1:19:58Mark Normand?

  This is good stuff.

• 1:20:00Speaker 03

  Um, hey, there's a conspiracy theory that Stevie Wonder can see. Did you guys see this?

• 1:20:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, of course. That's a big one. Everybody knows this one. He touches the microphone. He can find it.

• 1:20:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, so he.

• 1:20:10Speaker 04

  He's got some senses, you know?

• 1:20:11Speaker 03

  So watch this. This is, uh, Paul McCartney running by him in one of those.

• 1:20:13Speaker 04

  You play gigs for that long, you know where the mic is.

• 1:20:16Speaker 03

  Right. Well, the mic is falling and he catches it. So can a blind guy do this?

• 1:20:21Speaker 04

  Let's see. Daredevil can.

• 1:20:23Mark Normand?

  That's Seinfeld.

• 1:20:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:20:24Mark Normand?

  There he is, Stevie.

• 1:20:26Speaker 03

  Catch.

• 1:20:28Speaker 04

  He just put his.

• 1:20:28Mark Normand?

  I think he was just kinda clapping.

• 1:20:30Speaker 04

  That's interesting, but.

• 1:20:34Mark Normand?

  Don't know if he's getting twenties or ones.

• 1:20:36Speaker 04

  Oh, wonder if he could see a little bit, like an outline?

• 1:20:40Speaker 03

  Or he, maybe he felt someone running by him and he was reaching out to hold their hand and a mic fell in.

• 1:20:43Speaker 04

  He went to grab their dick.

• 1:20:44Speaker 03

  Right. Oh, my God. So he's a perv who can't see.

• 1:20:47Speaker 04

  No, I think, I'm not buying it. No, I don't buy. Wonder is short for like Wonderschlauzen or something? Is, what's his real name? Oh, no, it's not that name, but what's Wonder? Wonderbread?

• 1:21:00Speaker 04

  Anyway, okay.

• 1:21:01Mark Normand?

  Hardaway.

• 1:21:02Speaker 04

  No way. Yeah, Judkins gotta go.

• 1:21:06Mark Normand?

  Judkins, that sounds like an Indian guy.

• 1:21:07Speaker 04

  Wait, his name's Stevland? The fuck?

• 1:21:10Mark Normand?

  Stevland, somebody miss, he'd misspelled that on a, on a paper.

• 1:21:13Speaker 04

  I was born in Saginaw, Michigan.

• 1:21:16Mark Normand?

  I didn't see that coming.

• 1:21:17Speaker 04

  Oh, that's a good rec is that song Saginaw, Michigan is a great song sung by Lefty Frizzell.

• 1:21:23Sam Morril?

  Oh dude.

• 1:21:24Speaker 04

  You know who Lefty Frizzell is?

• 1:21:25Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 1:21:26Speaker 04

  Oh, he's amazing. He's kind of start, he was like a pioneer of country. I think like, uh, they say that a lot of like Hank Williams got, took a lot from him. He was like the pioneer and then there was another guy. Yeah, he, he was one of them.

• 1:21:37Sam Morril?

  He's unk.

• 1:21:38Speaker 04

  His doc, he's a unk.

• 1:21:39Mark Normand?

  Chopped.

• 1:21:40Speaker 04

  Chopped unk, baby. Yeah, Saginaw, Michigan. Great song. I've been listening to like old outlaw country and never thought I'd get into it. There you go. That's where I'm at in life.

• 1:21:48Sam Morril?

  I gotta get into it.

• 1:21:48Mark Normand?

  I can't keep up with your ADD, man. You're fucking all over the place. It's like Stevie Wonder, Turkish bath house.

• 1:21:55Sam Morril?

  Tupac.

• 1:21:56Mark Normand?

  Tupac, Jordan.

• 1:21:57Sam Morril?

  Two of America's Most Wanted, yo. Come on, players.

• 1:22:01Mark Normand?

  Just the homies hanging out.

• 1:22:03Sam Morril?

  Dude, uh, you know what? I, I watched a movie that I should have seen that I'd never seen this week. Fucking Dunkirk. Amazing.

• 1:22:10Speaker 04

  Oh, wow. Amazing.

• 1:22:11Sam Morril?

  You told me how good it was.

• 1:22:13Speaker 04

  Great movie.

• 1:22:13Sam Morril?

  I trust the Norman rec. I, we talked about once. I was like, I gotta, I just ended up buying it and I was like, you know what? It's amazing.

• 1:22:20Mark Normand?

  It's snowing, right? It's so well done. It's so pretty.

• 1:22:22Speaker 04

  What was the other one? Nineteen?

• 1:22:24Mark Normand?

  Seventeen. I love that too. That's a, that's one shot.

• 1:22:27Speaker 04

  A good war movie done right is a.

• 1:22:29Mark Normand?

  Nothing better.

• 1:22:30Sam Morril?

  Tough to beat.

• 1:22:30Speaker 04

  Uh, dude, Dunkirk was amazing.

• 1:22:33Sam Morril?

  You don't feel guilty getting all misty eyed in a war movie.

• 1:22:37Mark Normand?

  Yes, these are kids.

• 1:22:37Speaker 04

  You realize what pussies we are.

• 1:22:39Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:22:40Sam Morril?

  Oh, and how about Barry Keegan in this movie? Talk about a pussy death. Spoiler, sorry. Everyone's in a war. He falls down a flight of stairs?

• 1:22:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:22:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:22:48Sam Morril?

  That's a fucking rough death.

• 1:22:49Mark Normand?

  The staircase. Good movie.

• 1:22:51Speaker 04

  He passed away.

• 1:22:53Speaker 03

  Assassinated.

• 1:22:54Sam Morril?

  He was assassinated by this.

• 1:22:56Mark Normand?

  By a staircase.

• 1:22:57Sam Morril?

  But that's a, no, this movie's incredible.

• 1:22:59Speaker 04

  Is that the one where the score goes da na na?

• 1:23:02Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 1:23:03Sam Morril?

  Tom Hardy's a bad motherfucker in this movie.

• 1:23:05Speaker 04

  He's never not good, Tom Hardy.

• 1:23:06Mark Normand?

  He never speaks.

• 1:23:07Sam Morril?

  But it's awesome.

• 1:23:08Speaker 04

  Well, he's Mad Max dream roll. Mad Max, you don't talk.

• 1:23:10Mark Normand?

  Words that are in a, in a Hollywood history.

• 1:23:13Speaker 03

  But he's in a mask in, as Bane. He's in a mask in this movie. He's in a mask in the one you just named.

• 1:23:17Speaker 04

  He looks a lot better since Mask.

• 1:23:21Speaker 04

  I hate myself.

• 1:23:23Sam Morril?

  Don't do that line to Tom Hardy, he knows jujitsu.

• 1:23:25Speaker 04

  He does.

• 1:23:26Sam Morril?

  He'll whip your ass.

• 1:23:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's a, he's a real boy.

• 1:23:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's a tough dude.

• 1:23:29Sam Morril?

  This movie rocked though.

• 1:23:30Mark Normand?

  Great movie.

• 1:23:31Sam Morril?

  Highest of recs, I loved it, I was like, oh man.

• 1:23:33Mark Normand?

  Have you seen All Quiet on the Western Front?

• 1:23:35Sam Morril?

  No, I gotta see that one.

• 1:23:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, the remake is incredible. One of the best movies in the last 10 years, I'd say.

• 1:23:41Sam Morril?

  I've been on a war kick lately.

• 1:23:42Mark Normand?

  Me too, love war, Iran.

• 1:23:44Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:23:44Mark Normand?

  But yeah.

• 1:23:45Speaker 04

  I, I remember when I did Scary Movie 3 with Charlie Sheen, I was in my trailer watching Platoon, just because I'm like, I'm working with Charlie Sheen, and I came out of my trailer, I'm like, dude, I'm watching Platoon, and he looks at me and goes, why?

• 1:23:56Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:23:57Speaker 04

  Why are you watching it, we're shooting a comedy.

• 1:23:58Mark Normand?

  That's a good movie.

• 1:23:59Speaker 04

  I wanted to watch it.

• 1:24:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:00Speaker 04

  I did the same thing with, uh, name drop, Al Pacino, I did a movie with him recently, and I would go to my, after work every day, I'd go watch an Al Pacino movie, and come to work the next day and ask him questions, and he loved to talk about it. Did I already do this bit?

• 1:24:11Sam Morril?

  No, I don't think so.

• 1:24:12Speaker 04

  And I would ask him like, oh, I just watched Dog Day Afternoon, when you, when you said squirrel, was that an improv? And he's like, yeah, I'm so glad you caught that.

• 1:24:18Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:24:19Speaker 04

  He loved to talk about it, so I would do my homework every night, come to work the next day and talk about, uh, his movies, and he just loved to ch, ch, yeah.

• 1:24:27Mark Normand?

  I gotta talk about Simone, he's like, ah, come on, what are you doing to me?

• 1:24:30Sam Morril?

  He's working, he's working with awesome actors.

• 1:24:32Speaker 04

  I don't know if I, uh, said this story, stop me if I have, but he took me to see stand-up comedy, I think I told you guys that.

• 1:24:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:38Speaker 04

  We went and saw Ali Wong.

• 1:24:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, fun.

• 1:24:40Speaker 04

  And he said, the last time I saw stand-up comedy was 1984. And I was like, who did you see? He said Rodney Dangerfield. Like, why are we here?

• 1:24:47Sam Morril?

  You should've just never seen one again.

• 1:24:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, what? You went out on top.

• 1:24:51Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:24:52Speaker 04

  But I thought he was, I wanted to talk to him about stand-up and be, you know, bring, you guys, you guys know, he, but he was out of the loop.

• 1:24:57Sam Morril?

  Was he a fan though of Rodney?

• 1:24:58Speaker 04

  He hated you guys. Was, uh, no, of Red Rocket, is that what you said?

• 1:25:02Sam Morril?

  Of Rodney Dangerfield.

• 1:25:03Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, he was.

• 1:25:05Mark Normand?

  He called Sam a Jewah.

• 1:25:06Speaker 04

  I couldn't believe when I, I had dinner.

• 1:25:07Sam Morril?

  He's got selective hearing. Do you like, do you like Rodney Dangerfield? You like my movie? Yes, my movie.

• 1:25:13Speaker 04

  No, well, cause he said to me, I remember when I went to meet him before, we went to Shuwe, at dinner, and he put his hand on my knees like, Red Rocket, incredible work.

• 1:25:20Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:25:21Speaker 04

  I was like, that's pretty cool, he did his homework.

• 1:25:23Mark Normand?

  He's a little guy, right?

• 1:25:24Speaker 04

  He's a little guy.

• 1:25:25Mark Normand?

  Just had another kid.

• 1:25:26Speaker 04

  Had another kid, and, uh...

• 1:25:28Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:25:29Mark Normand?

  82, I believe.

• 1:25:30Speaker 04

  84, he had his 84th birthday on set, and we sang Happy Birthday to him, and then someone said, and many more.

• 1:25:37Mark Normand?

  Who did you say before Pacino?

• 1:25:39Sam Morril?

  The callback works.

• 1:25:40Speaker 04

  Um, say again?

• 1:25:41Mark Normand?

  Who did you say? You said something before Pacino and it sparked something, then I, and then you went on to Pacino and I lost it.

• 1:25:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, he just had great stories and then he said, um...

• 1:25:48Mark Normand?

  But who was he talking about before that?

• 1:25:49Speaker 04

  Oh, uh, oh, yeah.

• 1:25:51Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's good. This is why I think that I lose it. No, before Pacino.

• 1:25:56Speaker 04

  Oh, Charlie Sheen?

• 1:25:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Platoon.

• 1:25:59Speaker 04

  Platoon?

• 1:26:00Sam Morril?

  Why didn't Sheen come on here? He did a whole press tour.

• 1:26:02Speaker 04

  I know. I nudged him too, because I know how much you guys want him. And he goes, dude, this is what he said. He goes, uh, the train, something about the train is, just needs to be back in the station, meaning he's exhausted. I think he overpotted.

• 1:26:15Sam Morril?

  We saw him on some that I was like, oh, come on!

• 1:26:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know. Well, what a legend. Uh, he actually did, when I did a podcast, I asked him to do it and he's like, dude, everybody asks me to do a podcast. And I'm like, ah, he goes, but for you, I'll do it. And then he did mine. He's like, I just opened up the gates now. Everyone wants me to do a podcast. And he didn't do them for years until his recent documentary came out, which was amazing, by the way. There's a rec.

• 1:26:38Mark Normand?

  Loved it.

• 1:26:39Speaker 04

  When he's flying the plane in the beginning, are you fucking kidding me?

• 1:26:42Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:26:42Speaker 04

  He's flying the plane, he's like, oh, yeah.

• 1:26:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I didn't care for that. If I was a passenger on that flight.

• 1:26:47Speaker 04

  I know, right?

• 1:26:48Sam Morril?

  Like, maybe don't let that happen. Maybe don't be that seduced by celebrity.

• 1:26:51Mark Normand?

  But even my, I was watching with my wife. She's like, damn, he's charming. She's like, I totally get it.

• 1:26:56Speaker 04

  No, he's a great dude, man.

• 1:26:57Mark Normand?

  And Denise Richards stole the show, if you ask me. Making sandwiches for hookers.

• 1:27:01Speaker 04

  Oh, that, I mean, come on, what a champ.

• 1:27:03Mark Normand?

  Come on, what a lady.

• 1:27:04Speaker 04

  What a champ.

• 1:27:05Mark Normand?

  Keeper.

• 1:27:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:07Mark Normand?

  But they're done. Now she's on a reality show.

• 1:27:09Speaker 04

  Talk about too many options on the menu. That's was his whole thing. He had too many options. That's right.

• 1:27:14Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:27:14Sam Morril?

  I'm good, I'm like, uh, I'm good with my options on the menu. In all, in all aspects of life.

• 1:27:19Speaker 04

  Has anyone thrown up on the show?

• 1:27:21Mark Normand?

  No, probably not.

• 1:27:22Speaker 04

  No, but I just thought, when I burp, those made me think, I wonder.

• 1:27:25Mark Normand?

  Not yet. It's coming.

• 1:27:26Speaker 04

  Oh, is this your, uh... Rogan's Club, the smelling salts.

• 1:27:31Mark Normand?

  That'll wake you up.

• 1:27:32Sam Morril?

  Do we have those?

• 1:27:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, you got them. I went to the green room.

• 1:27:35Mark Normand?

  I don't know, I got sent them.

• 1:27:36Speaker 04

  I got a funny story. Uh, Shane, I was hanging with Shane, Shane Gillis down in, named up, down in Austin. And he brought me to the green room at the mothership, which I guess is like the sacred, you know, situation. And I remember that, dude, there was all these sandwiches cut up from like a local deli. And I was eating like these little, you know, sliced out wedges. And then I see like a full sandwich sitting on the counter and I almost went to eat it. And then Rogan comes in and it's his sandwich.

• 1:28:01Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:28:02Speaker 04

  I almost ate Rogan's sandwich in his green room.

• 1:28:05Sam Morril?

  That's like shitting in Sandler's green room.

• 1:28:07Speaker 04

  Dude. It would have been so funny, like I'm, I'm like the new guy in there.

• 1:28:11Mark Normand?

  Elk?

• 1:28:12Speaker 04

  I don't even remember.

• 1:28:13Mark Normand?

  I'm sure it was elk meat or some fucking crazy saber tooth tiger sandwich.

• 1:28:17Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh yeah. It's made out of elk dick or something.

• 1:28:19Mark Normand?

  Dolphin, yeah. It's, it's Hinchcliffe's ass.

• 1:28:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:28:21Mark Normand?

  Who knows what it is? But yeah, that's a, it's a fun club.

• 1:28:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was. They did a good job. It very much had the aesthetics of like the cellar and the store had like a vibe of.

• 1:28:29Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:28:30Sam Morril?

  I took the smelling salts in there and I did it way too close to my face.

• 1:28:33Mark Normand?

  No, it hurts. Yeah, it hurts.

• 1:28:35Sam Morril?

  I remember, I remember you like, and Joe just like holding me like, are you okay? I'm like, this is embarrassing as fuck.

• 1:28:40Mark Normand?

  I was deadly hungover and I hit it and I gotta tell you, cured the hangover, but it hurt.

• 1:28:43Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:28:44Mark Normand?

  It hurt.

• 1:28:45Sam Morril?

  Well, just you just feel, I, sometimes I think it's just like, did it cured or you just in other pain?

• 1:28:49Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:28:49Mark Normand?

  Maybe that's it.

• 1:28:50Sam Morril?

  It's literally like, like you're like, I'm, I'm hungover and someone kicks you in the nuts and you're like, well, that's not, I'm not thinking about my head right now.

• 1:28:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:56Sam Morril?

  You know, it's, it's another bad thing.

• 1:28:58Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:28:59Speaker 04

  It's an override. You guys look, like doing stand up there? It's a good spot? The crowd like?

• 1:29:03Mark Normand?

  Great crowds.

• 1:29:04Sam Morril?

  I haven't been there in a minute, but I, I had a good time.

• 1:29:06Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:29:06Speaker 04

  So there's this Austin, is this like a friendly beef? Like the Austin comedy scene's better than the New York one? Like what the fuck?

• 1:29:12Sam Morril?

  We don't fucking, we, we clock in.

• 1:29:14Speaker 04

  We don't.

• 1:29:15Sam Morril?

  We clock into our drinking podcast and go up to the cellar and don't give a fuck about made up Twitter shit.

• 1:29:21Mark Normand?

  We're not thinking about it. But I will say Austin, no, no income tax? Is that their thing? That's pretty good. They, they beat us on the taxes. I'll give them that. But the comedy, come on.

• 1:29:29Sam Morril?

  It's a state.

• 1:29:30Speaker 04

  Taxes?

• 1:29:30Mark Normand?

  Okay, it's a state.

• 1:29:31Sam Morril?

  That's not the city.

• 1:29:31Mark Normand?

  All right. Well, the state of Texas has us on that, but that's about it.

• 1:29:34Sam Morril?

  Most states have us on that.

• 1:29:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, is that right?

• 1:29:37Sam Morril?

  I mean.

• 1:29:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, compared to New York, California.

• 1:29:39Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 1:29:39Speaker 04

  Taxes, Texas, coincidence. I'm just saying.

• 1:29:42Mark Normand?

  Dallas, dollars.

• 1:29:43Speaker 04

  That's the conspiracy theory mine. Eh, there's no coincidences. Oh, I got it. Can I plug another movie? And they had a shooter in Austin. I got another movie. Finally, I got killed. Another, wait, another one?

• 1:29:53Speaker 03

  Uh, no, same one.

• 1:29:54Speaker 04

  Okay. Uh, I have a movie called Toe I did, uh, that's out this month. Um, uh, Rose Byrne, who's, uh, having a moment, and she's great, and it's a, it's a true story about a woman who lived in a car. Tarantino's excited for this one. Yeah. Uh, it's a movie about a woman who lives in her car. The car gets towed, true story. Oh, never mind. Yeah, I don't think he's into it. That's the premise? And the whole movie is about her trying to get her car back. Okay. And it's like a heartfelt, sweet little movie called Toe. Um, there it is. Yep. T O W, Toe. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah, look who's in it. Um, Octavia Spencer. Oh, that, yeah, uh, great cast. Beautiful cast. Wow, Rose Byrne's so good, man. She's very attractive. Rose Byrne's the best. She's like, uh, Great actress. Yeah, great actress, Australian. Octavia Spencer's great. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. Boy, look at you, huh?

• 1:30:38Speaker 04

  You guys know who, um, Rachel Ward is? No. Do you remember her? She was in like Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. She was in like, oh, she, great, there's a rec. Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. Great Steve Martin movie. Great premise. Humphrey Bogart, acting, yeah, great idea. Merv Griffin? Merv Griffin. Well, look at the knobs on, uh, Ruth. Oh, she was the hottest, dude. Good golly. And, uh, yeah, she, and then I did a TV show on Australia and she was on the show and I was like starstruck. I'm like, oh my God, that was like when I was a kid. I remember it was like her and Jessica Lange were why I started liking girls when I was like seven.

• 1:31:13Speaker 04

  And Rachel Ward was so hot. And there was an actor on the set who was American, who was sober, and we went for a drink after. He's like, oh, I've been sober four years. And she's like, oh, you fucking pussy Americans. Just have a beer and shut the fuck up. Whoa, that's even hotter. Uh huh. Damn. She was like breaking his balls for being sober. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. She was hot. Look at those melons. I mean, she could nurse Wyoming.

• 1:31:37Speaker 04

  I stole that from Jay Leno, believe it or not. What? Yeah, I've heard Jay Leno say that and I've been using it since, from nineteen eighty-nine. Damn. I'm what you call a hack. Is a hack someone that steals, is that?

• 1:31:49Mark Normand?

  No, hack is usually. Unoriginal.

• 1:31:51Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm a hack.

• 1:31:52Mark Normand?

  Just tread it on stuff.

• 1:31:53Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:31:54Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Sorry, I'm thrown off by the, by the glutes. Yeah, how am I supposed to focus right now? You're the most ADD guest of all time, you're showing tits. I'm fucking losing it here, Salakus. I'm still on Dudkirk, I can't keep up.

• 1:32:06Speaker 04

  Jessica Lange, too, she was hot.

• 1:32:09Mark Normand?

  Lange. She was, really hot. Wowee, yeah.

• 1:32:13Speaker 04

  I have good taste in women.

• 1:32:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:32:17Mark Normand?

  So weird to compliment yourself.

• 1:32:19Speaker 04

  But that's the.

• 1:32:19Mark Normand?

  Everyone has good taste in themselves. So, who are some women you, some celebrities you've, you've slept with?

• 1:32:24Speaker 04

  Well, this one's public information, so it's no big deal. I dated Jamie Presley, lovely woman.

• 1:32:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, very attractive.

• 1:32:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, this was back in, uh, 2000, I want to say. We did a TV show together.

• 1:32:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:35Speaker 04

  And, uh, I remember we started dating, and I remember the network saying, okay, we can't tell you guys not to date, but please just don't bring your shit to work, basically.

• 1:32:42Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:32:42Speaker 04

  And, um, a couple of times, we brought our shit to work.

• 1:32:45Mark Normand?

  You guys were not getting along.

• 1:32:47Speaker 04

  Oh, there we go, um.

• 1:32:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, look at that face, machi, watchi.

• 1:32:51Speaker 04

  Thank you, I've been working out.

• 1:32:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:53Speaker 04

  Um, and, uh.

• 1:32:55Mark Normand?

  How about it? Well, can I ask you? Uh, Scary Movie Six.

• 1:33:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:33:01Mark Normand?

  I know you're not in it.

• 1:33:02Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:33:02Mark Normand?

  Sorry, but you're part of the franchise, and it's the most viewed trailer of all time. Really? Yes, so people are craving comedy movies.

• 1:33:11Speaker 04

  Good, I love that.

• 1:33:12Mark Normand?

  You look like you're in fucking Leave It To Beaver here, this is crazy. Oh, that's a hunk, that's a Lange story. This is crazy. Holy mo, look at that face on your phone.

• 1:33:18Speaker 04

  You can see how Jessica Lange led to that, right?

• 1:33:21Mark Normand?

  That's why I put them together.

• 1:33:21Speaker 04

  Thank you, very good.

• 1:33:22Mark Normand?

  Wait, are they related? No, no. Oh, oh, oh, the ADD.

• 1:33:25Speaker 04

  And it's funny, normally I'm more into Latinas, for anyone out there.

• 1:33:28Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:33:29Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah, oh, yeah, big booty Latina, come on.

• 1:33:31Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:33:32Speaker 04

  I mean, give me a Puerto Rican, or, uh, some origin of Latina.

• 1:33:37Mark Normand?

  Bad Bunny.

• 1:33:38Speaker 04

  That, yep. Um, but what was I about to say something?

• 1:33:42Mark Normand?

  Join the club.

• 1:33:42Sam Morril?

  We can't keep up.

• 1:33:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah. By the way, Cardi B just got rid of her BBL.

• 1:33:46Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:33:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she took it out. Wow. End of an era. Got deported.

• 1:33:50Sam Morril?

  This whole episode feels like a poem.

• 1:33:52Mark Normand?

  A who?

• 1:33:53Sam Morril?

  A poem.

• 1:33:54Mark Normand?

  What's a poem?

• 1:33:54Sam Morril?

  A poem. Like, Cardi B got rid of her BBL.

• 1:33:59Sam Morril?

  What's happening?

• 1:33:59Mark Normand?

  Dr. Seuss.

• 1:34:00Speaker 04

  Oh, my gosh, she got rid of it, huh?

• 1:34:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, what a nerd. Look at this fucking, she's nothing now.

• 1:34:06Sam Morril?

  It's like America. You always, you always hear about it coming out. You never hear about it coming in.

• 1:34:11Mark Normand?

  It's like an immigrant.

• 1:34:11Speaker 04

  Oh, we're talking about Scary Movie, the trailer, Scary Movie Six. Looks funny. I'm happy that, um, Anna Faris is doing it. She should be.

• 1:34:18Mark Normand?

  I like Faris.

• 1:34:18Speaker 04

  So, yeah, what happened with Scary Movie was I did, uh, so the, uh, the Wayans created the franchise and they did one and two, and then there was some disagreement with the Weinsteins.

• 1:34:27Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:34:28Speaker 04

  So I think the Weinsteins then took the franchise and they hired David Zucker.

• 1:34:32Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:34:32Speaker 04

  Naked gun, legend. So Zucker hired me. I auditioned for him and I got the part. I probably wouldn't have got it if it was the Wayans. Um, they, Zucker liked me, so I think they associate, uh, me with three, four, and five, like I'm part of the Zucker thing and they're like, so I was not invited to six. But I'm rooting for it. It looks hilarious and I'm glad comedies are being made and back. It looks really fun.

• 1:34:54Sam Morril?

  You were hilarious in three, dude.

• 1:34:55Speaker 04

  Thanks, man. That was fun.

• 1:34:56Sam Morril?

  See, I mean, Vito used to pull up that clip of you, when you're a, pull up the She's Dead.

• 1:35:01Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, that was the audition scene.

• 1:35:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 1:35:04Speaker 04

  And I had to rap like Eminem in the audition.

• 1:35:06Sam Morril?

  She's dead. This is fucking great.

• 1:35:07Mark Normand?

  Just hanging with the homies.

• 1:35:08Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, God, dude. Why did I ask to pull that up?

• 1:35:12Mark Normand?

  I know. That was crazy.

• 1:35:13Speaker 04

  That's pretty cringe.

• 1:35:14Mark Normand?

  You look great, though.

• 1:35:15Speaker 04

  I felt great.

• 1:35:16Sam Morril?

  You look good, man.

• 1:35:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you got a good jawline.

• 1:35:18Speaker 04

  Thanks.

• 1:35:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, here it is, right?

• 1:35:21Mark Normand?

  Is this above grade here?

• 1:35:22Sam Morril?

  That's not, that's not it. Oh, yeah, well, you gotta get the whole clip. That's just a very...

• 1:35:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, Charlie.

• 1:35:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it is.

• 1:35:28Mark Normand?

  There she blows.

• 1:35:33Speaker 04

  Funny movie, man. It holds up.

• 1:35:34Sam Morril?

  Yes, yes, of course. I'll tell her. Thank you.

• 1:35:36Mark Normand?

  Where'd you shoot this?

• 1:35:37Speaker 04

  Vancouver.

• 1:35:37Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:35:39Sam Morril?

  Sue's teacher, Brenda. She's... she's dead. I better tell her.

• 1:35:45Speaker 04

  No, no, no. I can do it.

• 1:35:47Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:35:50Speaker 04

  Oh, boy.

• 1:35:52Speaker 04

  This is where the listeners tune out. Sue?

• 1:35:55Speaker 05

  Yes?

• 1:35:57Speaker 04

  You know your teacher, Miss Brenda?

• 1:35:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:36:00Speaker 04

  She's dead! Gone forever! That horrible, painful death. Gone, gone, gone, just like your dog.

• 1:36:08Speaker 05

  My dog's dead?

• 1:36:10Speaker 04

  I just ran him over with the car when I was... Everyone you love around you is dying.

• 1:36:16Mark Normand?

  How did you audition for that? That's a hard role.

• 1:36:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:36:19Mark Normand?

  That's real acting.

• 1:36:20Speaker 04

  Zucker was so specific about his... so he has the thing called the 15 Rules of Comedy, which you have to abide by in all of his movies, and some of them are...

• 1:36:27Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:36:28Speaker 04

  Like, he has a whole formula. And I actually just did his podcast, and he has like a writing workshop. He has students that he teaches his formula of writing, of how to tell a story and do jokes. And he has 15 Rules of Comedy. You could look that up. It's really interesting. So you have to do his playbook when you're... it's almost like a coach with a playbook. And, uh, and he's very specific, like, "No, you need to come up exactly here and be like..." He's the best. Uh, I've been hanging with Zucker lately. We screened Scary Movie 3 in a movie theater in L.A. like a few months ago, and, uh, the crowd was singing all the lines along with it.

• 1:37:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, fun.

• 1:37:02Speaker 04

  It held up. Like, it's still funny.

• 1:37:04Sam Morril?

  Everyone you love around you is dying. It's good stuff.

• 1:37:07Speaker 04

  You know who wrote the movie is Craig Mazin. He's the guy who did, um, uh, Chernobyl.

• 1:37:12Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 1:37:14Speaker 04

  He also did that newer show, The Last of Us.

• 1:37:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, comedy tragedy.

• 1:37:18Speaker 04

  But he comes from... there he is. He wrote Scary Movie 3, pretty opposite of Chernobyl and The Last of Us.

• 1:37:24Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:37:25Speaker 04

  Oh, he did Hangover 3.

• 1:37:26Mark Normand?

  Wow! This guy's got a roster. Yeah, a lot of range.

• 1:37:30Speaker 04

  Danny Range.

• 1:37:31Sam Morril?

  I think Nick Offerman talked about him on the... when we were talking about The Last of Us.

• 1:37:34Mark Normand?

  Maybe. Oh, it looks like he did two as well.

• 1:37:37Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Oh, Hangover 2? Yeah, yeah.

• 1:37:39Mark Normand?

  Damn!

• 1:37:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, Talented Cat. Um, Cat Williams. Cat Stevens.

• 1:37:46Speaker 04

  All right. Well, it was nice to make you two genuinely laugh. That was an authentic laugh.

• 1:37:50Mark Normand?

  Well, it was amazing.

• 1:37:51Speaker 04

  Two funniest guys laugh.

• 1:37:52Mark Normand?

  Mason's writing.

• 1:37:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's right. Zucker's directing. That'd be shit. Oh, man.

• 1:37:57Mark Normand?

  Wow. So, when's this new movie come out?

• 1:37:59Speaker 04

  Oh, so Toe comes out. I don't know when this airs. March 20th in theaters and then, uh, Operation Taco Gary's will be streaming on the 24th.

• 1:38:06Mark Normand?

  That's the one.

• 1:38:07Speaker 04

  There, yep, uh.

• 1:38:08Sam Morril?

  And streaming where?

• 1:38:09Speaker 04

  Uh, Apple, Amazon.

• 1:38:12Mark Normand?

  4chan.

• 1:38:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, 4chan. Oh, baby.

• 1:38:15Speaker 03

  So can we do a little Oscar talk before we sign off?

• 1:38:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we should do a little Oscar. We tried to, but we just swerved, uh, in a fucking snowstorm.

• 1:38:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, well. Your pal Stavros. He's not nominated, but.

• 1:38:25Mark Normand?

  Begonia.

• 1:38:26Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. Good movie.

• 1:38:27Sam Morril?

  I thought Stavros killed it in Begonia.

• 1:38:29Mark Normand?

  He did great. He held his own with huge actors.

• 1:38:31Sam Morril?

  Jesse Plemons, he didn't get nominated either, right?

• 1:38:33Speaker 04

  No, but he was pretty good. That was, well, I don't know if it's a snub, but he did great. Uh, you know, it's funny. Taco Gary's is like a comedy version of that movie. It's about an insane conspiracy. There's a

• 1:38:42Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:38:43Speaker 04

  Very similar movie and the premise is around the insanity of some of these people.

• 1:38:47Mark Normand?

  Very timely.

• 1:38:48Speaker 04

  Uh, yes. Um, but Begonia was great, man, and Stavros killed it.

• 1:38:52Sam Morril?

  He killed it.

• 1:38:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, he held his own with one of the best actors in the world.

• 1:38:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:56Speaker 04

  I just love that the backstory was that he molested him.

• 1:38:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:59Sam Morril?

  And they just gloss over.

• 1:39:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:39:01Mark Normand?

  I know, but in a fun way.

• 1:39:02Sam Morril?

  He's like, oh, yeah, yeah, I felt bad about that.

• 1:39:04Speaker 04

  Sorry about what I did here now, do you?

• 1:39:05Mark Normand?

  Didn't he get his head cut off with an axe or something?

• 1:39:08Speaker 04

  Spoiler alert.

• 1:39:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry.

• 1:39:09Sam Morril?

  There's a lot of spoilers in this episode, I guess.

• 1:39:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:39:12Speaker 04

  Um, yes, he had his head bashed in with a shovel.

• 1:39:14Mark Normand?

  That was it.

• 1:39:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:39:15Mark Normand?

  That's a cool way to go in a movie.

• 1:39:17Speaker 04

  Yes, it is.

• 1:39:18Sam Morril?

  You knew he was gonna die in that scene, too. You just know it's coming.

• 1:39:21Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:39:22Mark Normand?

  Yorgos, Anthimos.

• 1:39:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, any other, uh, Oscar movies?

• 1:39:27Mark Normand?

  The Sinners is up. The Sinners is up for like nine million awards.

• 1:39:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's, I think, uh, the most nominations in the history of the Academy Awards, but often what happens when it's nominated the most, they don't usually win a lot. It's a weird thing.

• 1:39:39Mark Normand?

  Ah, is that right?

• 1:39:40Speaker 04

  That's like a fact, uh.

• 1:39:41Speaker 03

  Okay. Probably because you're splitting, you're like, I'm gonna vote here, but not vote here. And everyone does the same thing and all they vote to split.

• 1:39:46Mark Normand?

  They're all over the table.

• 1:39:46Speaker 04

  Roulette.

• 1:39:47Sam Morril?

  You get too much, they're just like, it'll get something and then they vote for nothing, maybe.

• 1:39:50Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:39:51Speaker 04

  Um.

• 1:39:52Mark Normand?

  And then, uh, One Battle, of course.

• 1:39:53Speaker 04

  One Battle's probably gonna, it feels like that one's gonna.

• 1:39:56Sam Morril?

  I didn't see Train Dreams or Hamnet. I know people who liked them a lot, both. I didn't.

• 1:40:01Speaker 04

  I haven't seen Hamnet, but Train Dreams is good. It's heavy, but very well made. Same guys that did Sing Sing, which was a great movie, if you haven't seen. That's a wreck. Great movie.

• 1:40:10Mark Normand?

  Hamnet, what the hell is that title?

• 1:40:14Speaker 04

  I think it's like, isn't it a Shakespearean story, but why is it called Hamnet?

• 1:40:17Sam Morril?

  Cause he loses his son.

• 1:40:19Speaker 03

  Oh, I thought it was a town, I don't know, but uh.

• 1:40:21Speaker 04

  It's where you catch a pig in.

• 1:40:22Speaker 03

  These are, these are the nominated for best picture, the Oscars are tonight. Let's see how you do.

• 1:40:28Mark Normand?

  F1 got nominated, wow.

• 1:40:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:40:31Mark Normand?

  Frankenstein was too hot, you can't make it the monster sexy.

• 1:40:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:40:35Mark Normand?

  And the girl was into him, which just shows, you know, we look like a tall guy.

• 1:40:40Speaker 04

  They're like a big monster.

• 1:40:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:41Speaker 04

  He probably got, Frankenstein got a big dick, he has to.

• 1:40:43Mark Normand?

  He has to.

• 1:40:44Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:40:45Sam Morril?

  Prosthetic cock dude, Frankenstein cock.

• 1:40:47Speaker 04

  Frankenstein, Hamnet, there's a lot of meat, what else do we got?

• 1:40:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, you're right, that Supreme, Marty Supreme Pizza.

• 1:40:54Speaker 04

  Oh, there we go, Begonias Bologna.

• 1:40:56Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 1:40:58Speaker 04

  Marty Supreme Pizza, yep, uh.

• 1:41:02Mark Normand?

  Sinner Dinner, ah, fuck me, I just put a gun on him.

• 1:41:06Speaker 03

  So pick one, each one pick one just for.

• 1:41:08Speaker 04

  For best picture?

• 1:41:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think it's gonna win or it should win.

• 1:41:10Speaker 03

  That you think is going to win.

• 1:41:11Sam Morril?

  I think one battle's gonna win.

• 1:41:12Speaker 04

  I think so too.

• 1:41:13Mark Normand?

  I gotta go different, just cause you two queefs picked it, so I'm gonna go Curveball.

• 1:41:20Mark Normand?

  Marty Supreme.

• 1:41:21Speaker 03

  I agree.

• 1:41:21Sam Morril?

  I just, I just think it's like, it's all about like whose time it is with Oscars.

• 1:41:26Speaker 04

  Exactly right.

• 1:41:26Sam Morril?

  Like you never win when you're, when you're like, not necessarily this isn't a good movie, it is a really good movie, but like.

• 1:41:32Mark Normand?

  Departed?

• 1:41:33Sam Morril?

  Pacino won for like, yeah, Son of a Woman.

• 1:41:36Speaker 04

  They owe it to you, there's a point where they owe you one.

• 1:41:38Mark Normand?

  Training Day.

• 1:41:39Speaker 04

  They owe PTA one.

• 1:41:40Sam Morril?

  Not Hurricane, Training Day, right, and then, uh, yeah, Departed for Scorsese.

• 1:41:44Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 1:41:45Sam Morril?

  They're looking at it like, it's his time.

• 1:41:46Speaker 04

  It's the body of work, that's absolutely right.

• 1:41:48Mark Normand?

  You're saying Paul Thomas is owed.

• 1:41:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, cause I think you can only get snubbed so many times, and you did like Boogie Nights and Magnolia, and There Will Be Blood.

• 1:41:55Speaker 04

  Cause it's not his best movie by far, if that's me, but, but he's owed one, yeah.

• 1:42:00Mark Normand?

  Okay, PTA meeting.

• 1:42:02Sam Morril?

  I liked it a lot.

• 1:42:02Speaker 03

  This is a knife fight.

• 1:42:04Mark Normand?

  What is it?

• 1:42:05Speaker 03

  This is a knife fight.

• 1:42:06Mark Normand?

  All right, all right, this is a knife fight, a lot of honkies in there too, all right.

• 1:42:10Speaker 04

  I'm leaning Leo, I'm sticking with it.

• 1:42:12Mark Normand?

  I might go Hawkeye.

• 1:42:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:42:14Mark Normand?

  Shala moves out with that ballet comment. That's crazy.

• 1:42:17Sam Morril?

  I'm going, I, I think Ethan Hawke should, should win it, in my opinion, but.

• 1:42:22Mark Normand?

  Actually, I'm gonna go Michael B.

• 1:42:23Sam Morril?

  He was great. I liked them all.

• 1:42:24Mark Normand?

  Get his, get his cologne.

• 1:42:26Sam Morril?

  I haven't seen The Secret Agent.

• 1:42:27Speaker 04

  Me neither.

• 1:42:28Sam Morril?

  But I've seen the other four and I, yeah, I'd probably go Hawk, but they're all, they're all great.

• 1:42:32Speaker 04

  All right, supporting actor, uh, Sean Penn, he's gonna win.

• 1:42:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I think you're right. He killed it. Although Delroy's got the N-word stink on him from the Tourette's.

• 1:42:40Sam Morril?

  I think, I think Stellan Skarsgård should win it.

• 1:42:43Mark Normand?

  But shit, we're talking should. We're talking who will.

• 1:42:46Speaker 04

  That's my favorite movie of the year.

• 1:42:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:47Speaker 04

  That movie is fucking incredible.

• 1:42:49Sam Morril?

  He killed it.

• 1:42:50Speaker 04

  That movie was fucking incredible.

• 1:42:53Mark Normand?

  Inga Ibsdatter.

• 1:42:55Sam Morril?

  But Delroy Lindo's pretty fucking good in, in, uh, Sinners too.

• 1:42:58Mark Normand?

  He's always good.

• 1:42:59Sam Morril?

  He's always, he's another.

• 1:43:00Speaker 04

  Who's that? The guy that shows up at the house?

• 1:43:02Mark Normand?

  The old guy who played the, uh, music.

• 1:43:03Sam Morril?

  He always brings the heat, that guy.

• 1:43:05Speaker 04

  Which guy?

• 1:43:06Sam Morril?

  Delroy Lindo.

• 1:43:06Mark Normand?

  You've seen him.

• 1:43:08Sam Morril?

  He's in everything.

• 1:43:09Mark Normand?

  Get Shorty.

• 1:43:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:11Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:43:12Speaker 03

  And last one, guys.

• 1:43:13Sam Morril?

  Wait, wait, what we, we.

• 1:43:14Speaker 03

  That's best supporting.

• 1:43:15Sam Morril?

  Best supporting, who is it?

• 1:43:16Speaker 03

  Let's see, best actress.

• 1:43:17Speaker 04

  I'm going Rose Byrne, just.

• 1:43:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, Kisses. All right, here we go. I'm going Emma Stone.

• 1:43:25Sam Morril?

  I'm going, uh, I'm going.

• 1:43:27Mark Normand?

  Or she won already?

• 1:43:27Speaker 04

  She just won two.

• 1:43:28Mark Normand?

  All right, fuck it.

• 1:43:29Speaker 04

  I don't think they're gonna give it to her.

• 1:43:30Sam Morril?

  Renata Vines, I'm going, from Sentimental Value. She was great.

• 1:43:33Speaker 04

  Jeff, they're saying I'm.

• 1:43:34Sam Morril?

  I loved her in, uh, the other one too, uh, what's it called? The Norwegian one?

• 1:43:39Speaker 04

  Uh, Worst Person in the World, same director did this one.

• 1:43:42Sam Morril?

  Love that movie.

• 1:43:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, I like this one a little better. That guy knows how to make a fucking movie.

• 1:43:45Sam Morril?

  I like that one a little better.

• 1:43:46Speaker 04

  Really, that's what a lot of people say.

• 1:43:47Sam Morril?

  But I loved, I thought they were both, I think Sentimental Value's a great movie.

• 1:43:50Speaker 04

  Great movie.

• 1:43:51Sam Morril?

  Great ending too.

• 1:43:52Mark Normand?

  Is it on streaming?

• 1:43:53Speaker 04

  Probably.

• 1:43:54Mark Normand?

  I gotta see this movie. Everybody's raving.

• 1:43:56Sam Morril?

  All right, we gave you a little Oscar shit at the end.

• 1:43:58Speaker 04

  All right.

• 1:43:59Mark Normand?

  Wait, who's best, oh, you said Sean Penn.

• 1:44:01Sam Morril?

  Best supporting actress? Who do we do?

• 1:44:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we gotta do the ladies.

• 1:44:03Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:44:04Sam Morril?

  You fucking chauvinist pig, Salakus?

• 1:44:07Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:44:07Speaker 04

  Ah, this is good tequila.

• 1:44:09Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 1:44:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:44:11Sam Morril?

  Best supporting actress. I don't, I don't know who's nominated for any of it, so I see this.

• 1:44:15Speaker 04

  Okay, Amy Mattigan. Oh, I loved Amy Mattigan in Weapons. That was awesome. What a performance.

• 1:44:20Mark Normand?

  She's the old scary lady, right?

• 1:44:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:44:25Mark Normand?

  She was great. But she won the Golden Globe.

• 1:44:27Speaker 04

  Did she? Yeah, she did. Which is a sign that she.

• 1:44:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, she's my pick. I think she crushed it.

• 1:44:31Speaker 04

  I haven't seen all the other ones, so it's hard to say, but uh.

• 1:44:34Sam Morril?

  Tiana Taylor's great, but she's only in it for like 20 minutes.

• 1:44:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:44:37Mark Normand?

  Hmm. They can still win though. Wummi. Mosaka. Mosuka. Wait. Mosaku.

• 1:44:47Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:44:47Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 1:44:48Mark Normand?

  Elf Fanning.

• 1:44:49Speaker 04

  Well, I apologize if I hogged the mic again, but I don't know what I'm doing.

• 1:44:53Mark Normand?

  No, it was fun to try to keep up. It wasn't easy.

• 1:44:55Speaker 04

  It's fun.

• 1:44:56Mark Normand?

  I had like nine things and I lost them all.

• 1:45:00Speaker 04

  Fuck.

• 1:45:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, when's this come out? Oh, Oscars tonight.

• 1:45:06Speaker 03

  Tonight, Sunday.

• 1:45:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, but what night is tonight?

• 1:45:10Speaker 03

  Oh, March something.

• 1:45:10Mark Normand?

  Okay. Uh, alright, come on by.

• 1:45:15Sam Morril?

  Austin.

• 1:45:15Mark Normand?

  Creek in the Cave. I'm doing a quick drop-in after some pods. I'm doing, doing crazy promo for the special.

• 1:45:21Speaker 04

  Which comes out?

• 1:45:22Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, it comes out the 17th.

• 1:45:24Speaker 04

  Oh, your new special?

• 1:45:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, new special on Netflix. Yeah.

• 1:45:27Speaker 04

  Dude, cannot wait.

• 1:45:28Mark Normand?

  Damn, it's a fun, you saw one of my worst performances of all time at the Fat Black, yeah.

• 1:45:33Speaker 04

  Wait, what?

• 1:45:34Mark Normand?

  Remember you came and showed up to be a supportive friend and I ate shit for an hour. It was just not my crowd.

• 1:45:40Speaker 04

  Wait, where and when?

• 1:45:41Mark Normand?

  It was like, I don't know, seven months ago at the Fat Black at the Cellar.

• 1:45:45Speaker 04

  Huh.

• 1:45:46Mark Normand?

  And you were twitching and twerking. You were just dying to get out of there.

• 1:45:50Speaker 04

  Oh my god, I hope I didn't rub off the bad.

• 1:45:54Mark Normand?

  No, no, I felt horrible the whole time. I'm like, what's going on with this crowd?

• 1:45:58Sam Morril?

  New Netflix special.

• 1:45:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's amazing. Congrats, dude.

• 1:46:01Mark Normand?

  Thanks, man. Thanks, man. It's exciting.

• 1:46:03Speaker 04

  Yes, that's a big deal.

• 1:46:03Mark Normand?

  Keep going, keep going.

• 1:46:05Speaker 04

  Come see him in Portland.

• 1:46:06Mark Normand?

  That's all sold out. Providence, Vet Theater, Lexington.

• 1:46:09Speaker 04

  Fun town.

• 1:46:09Mark Normand?

  Great town.

• 1:46:10Speaker 04

  Great town.

• 1:46:10Mark Normand?

  Fort Lauderdale, Chattanooga, Raleigh, LA at the Netflix Fest. Uh, Ontario, nouveau Brunswick, Spokane.

• 1:46:20Speaker 04

  Fun town.

• 1:46:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Philly and Milwaukee.

• 1:46:25Speaker 04

  Baby, baby.

• 1:46:26Sam Morril?

  I got two things on my calendar right now. I'm gonna add some shit soon, but I'm chilling. I just taped a special in Tampa. Very happy with it. Working on the old edit. You were there, Salamanca. Uh, and then we got, uh, yeah, May 7th, Netflix is a joke fest. Where am I? Oh, yeah, where am I?

• 1:46:43Speaker 04

  I'm gonna come bother you there.

• 1:46:44Mark Normand?

  Lisbon, and you're at the United Theater on Broadway, May 7th in Los Angeles.

• 1:46:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, with a few friends, Jordan Jensen, Joe List, Rachel Feinstein. We're gonna have a lot of fun.

• 1:46:52Speaker 04

  Oh, dude.

• 1:46:53Sam Morril?

  And then Lisbon, Portugal, uh, August 30th. And I'm gonna add some more Euro dates.

• 1:46:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, you got it. You're all the way over there.

• 1:46:58Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna do it.

• 1:46:59Speaker 04

  Lisbon, I've never been. Portugal sounds like a beautiful place.

• 1:47:01Sam Morril?

  I've never been.

• 1:47:02Speaker 04

  Oh, that's great.

• 1:47:02Mark Normand?

  It's unbelievable.

• 1:47:03Speaker 04

  Oh, by the way, Jordan Jensen, I gotta say, her special, wow. I laughed out loud a lot.

• 1:47:07Mark Normand?

  Very funny.

• 1:47:08Speaker 04

  We had, we did a pod here with her one day.

• 1:47:09Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:47:10Speaker 04

  She is a funny motherfucker.

• 1:47:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:47:12Speaker 04

  She's great.

• 1:47:12Sam Morril?

  Love it.

• 1:47:13Speaker 04

  So that's my last rack and then I'm, I'm done.

• 1:47:16Mark Normand?

  All right, T-Rex.

• 1:47:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, baby. Thank you guys for having me.

• 1:47:19Sam Morril?

  We're sorry you didn't get that other guest, but we're also not sorry, cuz you got Simon Redd.

• 1:47:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, big upgrade, cuz that other one wasn't great anyway.

• 1:47:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:47:28Mark Normand?

  He stunk.

• 1:47:30Speaker 04

  Lefty Frizzell.

• 1:47:31Mark Normand?

  There you go, Lefty. Oh, wait, we gotta pay for that.

• 1:47:34Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:47:35Mark Normand?

  Cut it, cut it. Jesus Christ.

• 1:47:37Speaker 04

  How many seconds do you get?

• 1:47:39Mark Normand?

  I don't know, it's supposed to be seven seconds.

• 1:47:40Speaker 04

  Oh, then we're good.

• 1:47:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 1:47:42Speaker 04

  Oh, there it is.

• 1:47:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're really pushing it.

• 1:47:44Speaker 04

  See you in court, guys.

• 1:47:45Mark Normand?

  All right, all right, homies.

• 1:47:47Sam Morril?

  And we got sued. All right, thanks, guys.

• 1:47:48Mark Normand?

  We'll see you later, Playboy.

• 1:47:49Speaker 04

  Thanks, boys.

• 1:47:50Speaker 07

  Sunday's the day for my next fender. A bit of Peverack, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like the cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

• 1:48:35Speaker 02

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