Ep 251: Dan Soder & Greg Stone

Dan Soder and Greg Stone stop by for a wild one. The guys cover everything from steroid-Jesus theories and New York’s rat NBA to dissecting cats in high school, Mad Magazine nostalgia, Castro assassination plots, and lemon party memories. Plus, hangover cures that don’t work, landlord grudges, and why chest hair is making a comeback. Sponsored by: 👕 Your new fall wardrobe awaits. Free shipping and 365-day returns:https://www.quince.com/DRUNK 🧠 If you’re struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15-minute call:https://www.learn.nocd.com/DRUNK 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #DanSoder #GregStone #MarkNormand #SamMorril #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Speaker 00

  Hey, congratulations on 250 episodes, everybody.

• 0:09Mark Normand?

  Hey, that's a quarter.

• 0:10Speaker 00

  That's why me and my friend Kumail Nanjiani came by.

• 0:13Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 0:14Speaker 00

  I've shrunk in him.

• 0:16Mark Normand?

  Man, he's hot now. It's crazy.

• 0:17Speaker 00

  He's so hot. That jaw.

• 0:19Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 0:20Speaker 00

  That jaw is so-

• 0:22Mark Normand?

  Almost feels like he had worked it.

• 0:23Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 0:24Sam Morril?

  How do you know that?

• 0:24Speaker 00

  Guy with hair tits, I can't be far. You think he got- I think it might be just the juice, dude.

• 0:28Mark Normand?

  Maybe. It's sucking him back.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  Testosterone makes your jaw-

• 0:32Sam Morril?

  The juice killed Christ.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  It did. Jesus Christ, it's normal.

• 0:34Mark Normand?

  The juice is loose.

• 0:35Sam Morril?

  The juice.

• 0:37Speaker 00

  Everyone knows that-

• 0:38Mark Normand?

  No juice in the building.

• 0:39Speaker 00

  Christ was on anabolic steroids, and that's why-

• 0:42Sam Morril?

  That's why he looks so good.

• 0:43Speaker 00

  That's why he's all shredded.

• 0:45Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 0:45Speaker 00

  That's why he's 4% body fat.

• 0:47Sam Morril?

  Ted Alexandro. Classic Ted joke.

• 0:50Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:50Sam Morril?

  Because he shouldn't use those- Jesus needs his own workout video, Body of Christ.

• 0:54Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:55Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 0:56Sam Morril?

  Because that's what you want out of a savior, because have you seen Buddha? Sloppy.

• 0:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00Sam Morril?

  Vintage Ted.

• 1:01Speaker 00

  Tim's a man.

• 1:02Sam Morril?

  I love Ted.

• 1:03Speaker 00

  Ted, Tim, well, what a fucking shitty- what a stoner thing. Yeah, my friend Marty, he's like, his name is Marvin. You're like, fuck.

• 1:12Speaker 00

  Ted Alexandro fucking rules. Astoria legend. He- I think he was there before everyone else.

• 1:17Sam Morril?

  Probably.

• 1:17Speaker 00

  I think he was like the- one of the OG Astoria people.

• 1:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's right, yeah.

• 1:21Sam Morril?

  Boy grew up in Astoria, that's why.

• 1:23Mark Normand?

  He's a Queens guy.

• 1:24Sam Morril?

  He's born and raised, yeah.

• 1:25Mark Normand?

  So he was actually living at home.

• 1:26Sam Morril?

  And now he's in the woods.

• 1:28Mark Normand?

  Is he?

• 1:28Speaker 00

  That's the way to go. Good for him. I bet he's got a great beard.

• 1:31Mark Normand?

  Woods is either, I made it, I'm living in like a giant cavity on the- on the- on the lake, or-

• 1:36Sam Morril?

  Ted Kaczynski.

• 1:37Mark Normand?

  You're a fucking Unabomber.

• 1:38Speaker 00

  It's the ultimate happiness or the ultimate sadness.

• 1:40Mark Normand?

  Yes, there's nothing in the middle.

• 1:42Speaker 00

  You're either like, I'm content, or the world must pay.

• 1:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:45Sam Morril?

  I need nothing from the world, or I have a manifesto.

• 1:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:49Speaker 00

  I need to put my thumbprint on the world.

• 1:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  And make- I mean, Kaczynski, yeah, had some good points.

• 1:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, smart guy.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  He really- he's a very smart guy.

• 1:58Mark Normand?

  Genius.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  He wasn't right, but you read his shit, and you go, he kind of called technology taking over every single thing we do.

• 2:05Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 2:06Speaker 00

  And that's what sucks-

• 2:07Sam Morril?

  Got turned in by his own brother.

• 2:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:08Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 2:09Sam Morril?

  His brother.

• 2:10Speaker 00

  His brother did it?

• 2:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:11Speaker 00

  What was his brother's name? Like, Mike Kaczynski?

• 2:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what was his brother?

• 2:16Speaker 00

  Ted Kaczynski, David Kaczynski.

• 2:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, the nerd.

• 2:19Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 2:19Mark Normand?

  The nerd of the world.

• 2:20Sam Morril?

  Fucking narc.

• 2:21Mark Normand?

  Snitch.

• 2:22Speaker 00

  They'd grown up in Chicago.

• 2:23Mark Normand?

  Kaczynski. I know you guys aren't gonna believe this, but my brother-

• 2:27Speaker 00

  Other Ted is in the woods blowing up. He's sending bangs to prof- professors.

• 2:33Sam Morril?

  Well, there's a story about.

• 2:34Mark Normand?

  I sell car parts.

• 2:35Sam Morril?

  Ted Kaczynski trying to impress a girl and he gives her this like little when they're in high school. He gave her some, you could look this up, some little type of thing that like exploded to like show off to her. And it's like, yeah, that's not how you get pussy, dude.

• 2:46Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 2:47Sam Morril?

  My point is it didn't work for him or he wouldn't have been the Unabomber.

• 2:50Speaker 00

  I'm just saying, yeah, that is true.

• 2:51Sam Morril?

  He was getting pussy.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  If he, I mean, imagine if it was though, imagine if that's why he went down the Unabomber thing is because he was getting so much pussy.

• 2:58Sam Morril?

  Chicks like it, dude.

• 2:59Speaker 00

  I don't know, dude, I sent a bomb in the mail. Next thing you know, I'm getting sucked off.

• 3:04Mark Normand?

  She's like, can you use a vibrator? He's like, I don't trust technology.

• 3:07Speaker 00

  They're in there.

• 3:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  I'll make my own.

• 3:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, look at that.

• 3:10Speaker 00

  Do you have a lawnmower and a dildo?

• 3:13Sam Morril?

  Look at this. As a child, he once played a prank on a female classmate involving a harmless exploding device.

• 3:19Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 3:20Speaker 00

  Which they both found amusing.

• 3:21Sam Morril?

  I don't know if that's true though.

• 3:22Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 3:23Speaker 00

  Which they both found.

• 3:24Mark Normand?

  That's her, half her face is missing.

• 3:26Speaker 00

  She goes, I kind, it was a great.

• 3:29Sam Morril?

  By the way, by the way, can we look at that?

• 3:30Speaker 00

  Took the bottom of my jaw.

• 3:31Sam Morril?

  Can we look into that as a red flag for a potential fucking hazard later in life?

• 3:35Speaker 00

  No, no, no.

• 3:36Sam Morril?

  Guy, a child making explosives?

• 3:38Mark Normand?

  What happened to flowers?

• 3:39Speaker 00

  It's kind of like when a cat leaves a mouse at your door.

• 3:42Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 3:44Speaker 00

  Oh, this is bad, but also, uh, you could be dangerous.

• 3:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:48Speaker 00

  But you could be very, I can't let you in the house. You're very, very dangerous.

• 3:52Mark Normand?

  They kill mice for fun. It's not even like a eating thing. They just.

• 3:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's want to knock them around.

• 3:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, evil.

• 3:58Speaker 00

  My dad's roommate's cat would bring muskrats from the lake.

• 4:03Sam Morril?

  How big are we talking?

• 4:04Speaker 00

  Very big, like the size of the cat. It would be like if I killed a man and brought it to Katie and it was like.

• 4:11Sam Morril?

  You know I had a rat, right?

• 4:12Mark Normand?

  He brought Veder. It's about that size?

• 4:14Speaker 00

  I killed Veder and put it down at my front door. You said you what?

• 4:17Sam Morril?

  You know I had a fucking rat.

• 4:18Speaker 00

  You had a rat in your house?

• 4:19Sam Morril?

  We.

• 4:20Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Or in your fucking crew? Who ratted on you? Who was the fucking rat?

• 4:26Mark Normand?

  It was DeVito.

• 4:27Speaker 00

  I knew it.

• 4:27Mark Normand?

  That's skunk.

• 4:28Speaker 00

  Son of a bitch.

• 4:30Sam Morril?

  Where the fuck is it? I'm finding it.

• 4:31Speaker 00

  In your apartment?

• 4:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  Dude, no way.

• 4:34Sam Morril?

  We did a whole fucking episode.

• 4:36Speaker 00

  Nope.

• 4:37Mark Normand?

  You wait till you see the size of this fucker. It's plump.

• 4:40Speaker 00

  They're so big.

• 4:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  Rats.

• 4:42Mark Normand?

  He's leaving the droppings.

• 4:44Speaker 00

  Oh, they just have size.

• 4:45Mark Normand?

  I know. We're out here.

• 4:47Speaker 00

  I'll walk my dog and one will go by and Myrtle will be like, I'm gonna kill that. And you're like, I don't want you to get involved with that.

• 4:53Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 4:53Sam Morril?

  No, you don't want to fuck with a rat, dude.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, shitty rat, oh.

• 4:56Sam Morril?

  I'm sending it to you, Peters.

• 4:57Mark Normand?

  Well, you know, you go to Denmark and you're like, everybody's tall here. That's what the rats are like in New York.

• 5:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, if there was a rat NBA, they'd be being recruited out of New York.

• 5:06Mark Normand?

  This is it.

• 5:06Sam Morril?

  Dude.

• 5:07Speaker 00

  If you want a good lineman, you go to Ohio or like Nebraska. They go, you want a big rat? You go to New York City.

• 5:13Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  San Francisco, I bet it's got some big rats.

• 5:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:17Sam Morril?

  Big gay, big gay rat community in San Francisco.

• 5:20Speaker 00

  The rat houses, the bath, the rat bath houses.

• 5:24Speaker 00

  That's how he's.

• 5:24Sam Morril?

  Castro, he's a Castro rat.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  He goes, we just spread viruses by smearing our shit. That's in your house.

• 5:32Sam Morril?

  Had ten two fucking exterminators come by with hockey sticks.

• 5:35Speaker 00

  Got him.

• 5:35Sam Morril?

  Beat his ass to death.

• 5:37Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 5:38Sam Morril?

  True story. They come by with hockey sticks. You see black dudes with hockey sticks.

• 5:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:43Mark Normand?

  Watch out.

• 5:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're not in the Ottawa Senators, alright? Anyway.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  That's how they did it?

• 5:49Sam Morril?

  They showed, I had two guys come before, the third guy comes with hockey sticks. I've told this on the pod.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  What are they, the Hanson Brothers?

• 5:54Mark Normand?

  I know, that's what I said.

• 5:55Sam Morril?

  That's my favorite scene in fucking Slap Shot. The Hanson Brothers come in and just start beating the shit out of everyone.

• 6:00Speaker 00

  You hired, that would be a funny way, though, if you hired like Hanson Brother exterminators and they're all wearing Chiefs jerseys.

• 6:06Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 6:07Speaker 00

  Hockey jerseys and they come with like funny glasses and then they go, well, we beat the rats to death.

• 6:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:12Speaker 00

  The hockey stick.

• 6:13Sam Morril?

  When the guy in the movie goes, these kids are a fucking disgrace.

• 6:16Speaker 00

  It's great. I watched that, I watched that movie on like a UPN on like a Sunday morning when I was like nine and I was like, this movie. It just, it was one of those movies where you watch on cable and you go, I can't turn the movie off.

• 6:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:29Speaker 00

  Paul Newman, obviously, making me go there.

• 6:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 6:32Speaker 00

  Love a down and out sports movie.

• 6:33Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 6:34Speaker 00

  But you're right, the Hanson Brothers.

• 6:35Sam Morril?

  Minor league sports is, is something special because it's pure love of the game.

• 6:38Speaker 00

  They love toys. They were like child brain.

• 6:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, and it had grit to it. The movie was nasty. They beat the shit out of people. A lot of blood.

• 6:45Sam Morril?

  I leave the house, though, because I was going, I do Joel Akowski's basketball game on Sundays.

• 6:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:50Sam Morril?

  And I go after one out. Yeah dude, but I go out, but I uh, he goes, I got it. He sends me that picture of the dead rat within fucking ten fifteen minutes. And, and I wrote, you found him dead? And he wrote, I made him dead.

• 7:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 7:03Sam Morril?

  And then, and then uh.

• 7:04Speaker 00

  That's like a Liam Neeson line.

• 7:06Sam Morril?

  It's pretty fucking badass. I was pretty fucking.

• 7:08Mark Normand?

  Banging Pamela.

• 7:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, good for him.

• 7:10Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  And good for her.

• 7:11Sam Morril?

  He seems happy.

• 7:12Speaker 00

  Also, giant dick.

• 7:14Mark Normand?

  Huge hog.

• 7:15Sam Morril?

  Apparently enormous.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  So Tommy Lee's got nothing to stand on anymore.

• 7:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, he can stand on one third leg.

• 7:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, on, on it. He can balance on it.

• 7:23Mark Normand?

  He's got a kickstand.

• 7:24Speaker 00

  But it is if you're Liam Neeson and you run into him, you go, the only man who could have a larger cock than you is me. And her older age, she's not as stretchy, but she knows how to make it work.

• 7:36Mark Normand?

  And she's taking it.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, dude, she loves it. It makes me very happy.

• 7:39Sam Morril?

  That's a, that's a two Viagra dick probably. At seventy-three, you need an extra boost to get it up.

• 7:43Speaker 00

  Seventy-three, I think though, but him in new love since his wife died?

• 7:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:48Sam Morril?

  Tragic.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  Tragic.

• 7:49Mark Normand?

  Dead, dead wife fuck.

• 7:51Sam Morril?

  Apparently, you know.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  He like swore it off.

• 7:53Sam Morril?

  Wasn't over, yeah.

• 7:54Mark Normand?

  Ew.

• 7:55Speaker 00

  He was like swore it off for like twelve or sixteen years, like every, he swore off, I think pretty publicly, ever being in a relationship again.

• 8:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 8:01Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  And then Pam Anderson in her, and by the way, since her documentaries came out, since she's embraced being who she is.

• 8:08Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:09Speaker 00

  I love it.

• 8:09Sam Morril?

  I dated someone who banged him and.

• 8:11Speaker 00

  Really?

• 8:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:12Speaker 00

  Really?

• 8:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and I didn't ask about the dick, cause we all know.

• 8:16Speaker 00

  The co-star of Rob Roy? When he took her on that rock.

• 8:20Mark Normand?

  Beth Stelling fucked him.

• 8:21Speaker 00

  Oh my god, that's crazy.

• 8:23Sam Morril?

  No, but I.

• 8:24Speaker 00

  All the bits.

• 8:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, so now when I watch Schindler's List, I'm even sadder.

• 8:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:29Sam Morril?

  There we go, alright, no uh.

• 8:30Speaker 00

  For just five more Jews, I could have not fucked, I could have not fucked Sam's ex-girlfriend. Are you dating Sam Morril?

• 8:41Sam Morril?

  But she told me they met on a, on a flight and uh, yeah, they went on three dates. She said he was a lovely guy.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  And that sucks.

• 8:48Mark Normand?

  Is he was Scottish or Irish?

• 8:49Speaker 00

  He's Irish.

• 8:50Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 8:50Speaker 00

  I believe he's Irish.

• 8:51Mark Normand?

  I think we don't want him in a kilt.

• 8:53Sam Morril?

  Big Rangers fan, he's at a lot of the Rangers games.

• 8:55Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 8:56Speaker 00

  He all, he just all around seems awesome. Seventy-three years old, born in fifty-two.

• 9:02Sam Morril?

  He is so good at naked gun too.

• 9:04Speaker 00

  He's from Northern Ireland, where the troubles were.

• 9:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, the troubles.

• 9:07Sam Morril?

  I saw in an interview, he was not pleased with. He was not pleased with how they killed him off in uh, Star Wars.

• 9:12Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 9:13Sam Morril?

  He was like, I'm a Jedi, it's a, it's a weak death.

• 9:15Speaker 00

  I keep talking about this. My thing that I watch. On the road are like YouTube videos of of movies, what they were supposed to be, or why they didn't get made is just, that's my algorithm.

• 9:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love that.

• 9:29Speaker 00

  And so I love it. And so there was a thing about Qui-Gon Jinn originally, I'm sorry if you've seen me say this on another podcast because I just said it on another one. I can't remember what. But originally Qui-Gon Jinn was Ewan McGregor and Obi-Wan was Liam Neeson.

• 9:44Mark Normand?

  Oh shit.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  The whole point is Liam Neeson's character gets, Obi-Wan gets killed and then Qui-Gon takes the Obi-Wan name to then try as like um, uh, homage because Obi-Wan was like the great teacher and you know what I mean? So he's like, I'll become Obi-Wan now.

• 10:00Mark Normand?

  This is like Mad Men, Don Draper, Dick Whitman shit right here.

• 10:02Speaker 00

  Exactly. So but that's how they had it and then they changed it. But originally it was supposed to be Ewan McGregor was Qui-Gon Jinn. And then at the end of the movie, he becomes Obi-Wan in like this big scene where he's like, I'll be Obi-Wan.

• 10:13Mark Normand?

  But then it would be like confusing if you're like, well, which one's Obi-Wan? Like which one's?

• 10:16Speaker 00

  What's the real one? Well, they said that's why in Star Wars, A New Hope, there's a, the, the first one. In the very first Star Wars, there's a moment where they say, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and he goes, that's a name I haven't heard in a very long time. And it was supposed to be a reference to the thought that he wasn't really Obi-Wan. He was Qui-Gon Jinn.

• 10:33Mark Normand?

  This is why you can't judge a book. You see this six, four guy walking down Third Avenue with that voice.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  Hey, you guys want?

• 10:39Mark Normand?

  He knows Qui-Gon.

• 10:40Speaker 00

  You guys want to talk episode one?

• 10:44Speaker 00

  You know, Jar Jar Binks really got a bad rap when you think about it.

• 10:48Mark Normand?

  By the way, our next liquor, Qui-Gon Jinn.

• 10:50Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. If you think George Lucas won't get up your asshole about that.

• 10:56Mark Normand?

  That's true. He's very litigious, that bearded cunt.

• 10:59Speaker 00

  Your guys' shit.

• 11:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:00Sam Morril?

  A little seasoned diss.

• 11:01Mark Normand?

  He'll think it's at the Jar Jar Bank.

• 11:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, dude, he will. Yeah, you guys will get Qui- oh, look at that.

• 11:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, fuck, somebody did it. Damn it.

• 11:09Speaker 00

  Did someone actually make it?

• 11:11Mark Normand?

  I don't know, maybe AI.

• 11:12Speaker 00

  Photoshop.

• 11:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Qui-Gon. Alright, shit.

• 11:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, you don't want to get in the Star Wars fucking merch game.

• 11:18Mark Normand?

  No. No, no. I do have all the toys, though. I collected every figure, the seventies figures. I have them all.

• 11:25Speaker 00

  You have the wall, like the original ones?

• 11:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, even during Katrina, they were untouched. I was lucky. Our basement got flooded, but somehow the Star Wars, they're in a giant Darth Vader flip out thing, you know, with little, little, uh.

• 11:36Speaker 00

  Those are ones that you could probably.

• 11:37Sam Morril?

  I didn't know you, I didn't know you were like that.

• 11:39Speaker 00

  Action figure guy?

• 11:40Mark Normand?

  I was a big action figure guy.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  Me too.

• 11:42Sam Morril?

  Oh, really? I was like wrestling figures.

• 11:43Speaker 00

  How long though?

• 11:44Mark Normand?

  That's it. I had that. That's the Darth Vader thing. And it's all full.

• 11:47Speaker 00

  I remember one of my friends having that.

• 11:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was big.

• 11:49Speaker 00

  I was an action figure guy and, you know, we got a buddy that's joining us. But we got a buddy that's, that's a huge action figure guy that's joining us. But I was too late. I did it too late. That was the smoking cigarettes thing. I, I loved them. I just loved.

• 12:02Mark Normand?

  They're fun.

• 12:03Speaker 00

  Figures. I loved getting a new figure. I loved like.

• 12:05Sam Morril?

  It's anxiety too, I think. You want something in your hands. It's the same, it is the same reason you smoke.

• 12:09Speaker 00

  It really is. You just, you just graduate to it. My, what were your guys' figures? Mine were Ninja Turtles, wrestling, and X-Men.

• 12:16Sam Morril?

  I was, I was wrestling.

• 12:18Speaker 00

  I was, I was all about wrestling. I would say if I'm, if I'm ranking them, it went wrestling, X-Men, Turtles. But I was real big into the Turtles.

• 12:27Mark Normand?

  The Turtles ones were great because they got the squishy head, the non-squishy head, you got the, the toys, the size, the nunchucks were all great.

• 12:33Speaker 00

  The weapons. They also had, my dad bought me the van. I had all the Hasbro. I mean, dude, I had a ring full of those guys.

• 12:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:39Speaker 00

  Everyone that's pictured I had.

• 12:41Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 12:41Speaker 00

  Including the natural disasters. Typhoon and earthquake down there.

• 12:45Mark Normand?

  Hinge. I was a DC guy. I have all the Aquaman, the Flash, Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman.

• 12:50Speaker 00

  Do you remember the original Super Friends toys from the eighties?

• 12:52Mark Normand?

  Yes, I have those.

• 12:53Speaker 00

  With like the cloth capes?

• 12:54Mark Normand?

  Yes, I have. They had a little, a little metallic.

• 12:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, the ring around their necks with the cape?

• 12:59Mark Normand?

  Those are my favorites.

• 13:00Speaker 00

  It was the, the original Justice League ones from the eighties. There it is, right there.

• 13:04Mark Normand?

  That's it, baby.

• 13:05Speaker 00

  See the, the Batman is from the movie, but the superheroes one right there to the left, those are like OG. That was my childhood.

• 13:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, same, same.

• 13:14Speaker 00

  That is my childhood, right?

• 13:15Sam Morril?

  I love the primary colors.

• 13:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, DC through and through. Loved Batman.

• 13:20Mark Normand?

  Really? That's rare.

• 13:20Sam Morril?

  Man, Robin was a fucking little twink. Look at that.

• 13:22Speaker 00

  So see those Batmans on the side?

• 13:24Sam Morril?

  Look at, look at, look at the legs. What are we doing here?

• 13:26Speaker 00

  The Batman right there is actually, that's from the original movie.

• 13:30Mark Normand?

  The movie, yeah, with Michael Keaton.

• 13:32Speaker 00

  My dad, one of the only good things he ever did, that's Bob.

• 13:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  Which was a reference that. Joe List and I made for 20 years doing stand up where we'd be going on stage, I go, Bob. You're my number one man.

• 13:46Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 13:46Speaker 00

  We'd do that all the time. But my dad, we went to a toy store when I was spending a weekend with my dad when he still lived in Denver. And he bought me Bob and the Joker.

• 13:56Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 13:56Speaker 00

  And I was like, I want Batman. And he's like, buddy, they're out of Batman. And I was like, it was one of those lessons where like, I'll just be grateful that I got Bob and the Joker.

• 14:03Mark Normand?

  You got two for one.

• 14:04Speaker 00

  And then we went and got in his car. He hid the Batman.

• 14:07Mark Normand?

  Oh shit. What a dad.

• 14:09Speaker 00

  One of the best, I mean, the only good thing he ever did. Arguably the only good thing he ever did.

• 14:13Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 14:14Sam Morril?

  But that's a great. Nice little.

• 14:15Speaker 00

  Sneaking a toy on a kid, it's pretty sick. I just sent my cousin's daughter a Switch 2 out of nowhere.

• 14:21Mark Normand?

  Damn. Better than sneaking a digit.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:25Mark Normand?

  But yeah, where does he get those wonderful toys?

• 14:27Speaker 00

  Oh, that's great.

• 14:28Sam Morril?

  How about Stretch Armstrong? That was a fucking good one.

• 14:30Speaker 00

  That was great to destroy.

• 14:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:32Speaker 00

  See if you could break it with your friends.

• 14:33Mark Normand?

  That's true. I ate the inside once.

• 14:35Speaker 00

  What?

• 14:35Mark Normand?

  Big mistake. I tasted it.

• 14:37Speaker 00

  You cut it open and ate that like blood, the blood of Stretch?

• 14:40Mark Normand?

  Too curious.

• 14:41Sam Morril?

  How about creepy crawlers?

• 14:42Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  Remember Gak?

• 14:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Gak.

• 14:45Speaker 00

  Gak was his cold thumb.

• 14:47Sam Morril?

  That had a moment.

• 14:47Mark Normand?

  Cold thumb.

• 14:48Speaker 00

  It just got you to learn how to deal with your thumb. It was prepping us for cum.

• 14:52Mark Normand?

  Just like cum, I'd throw it on a girl.

• 14:55Speaker 00

  You go, hey, on your tits.

• 14:57Sam Morril?

  Then I'd say sorry and get a washcloth.

• 14:58Mark Normand?

  If she liked it, you're like, hey.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  Fuck, apologize. Five minutes later, you want to throw it back on her?

• 15:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, fuck.

• 15:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:05Speaker 00

  Gak was a fun thing. Gak was fun because you could do this with your thumb and then go.

• 15:09Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 15:10Sam Morril?

  It was prep for a vagina.

• 15:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:12Mark Normand?

  It was good.

• 15:13Speaker 00

  Listen, they were getting you ready.

• 15:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 15:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:15Speaker 00

  They were grooming. Nickelodeon was grooming.

• 15:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, they were.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:19Mark Normand?

  I saw the doc.

• 15:20Speaker 00

  In all the ways.

• 15:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was a good time.

• 15:22Speaker 00

  Gak was so fun. And then I did, did your fucking, uh, middle school science class, did you ever make your own Gak?

• 15:29Mark Normand?

  No.

• 15:29Speaker 00

  In chemistry?

• 15:30Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 15:31Speaker 00

  You did that one here. They're like, we're gonna make your own Gak. And everyone was like, oh shit. And I was like, I've been making my own Gak at night in my bedroom. I'm gonna make my own gag to a fuck a couple Rolling Stone pictures of Britney Spears.

• 15:42Sam Morril?

  What's the worst thing you dissected?

• 15:44Mark Normand?

  We had the frog and the pig.

• 15:46Speaker 00

  I never did a pig. We did the frog. That's all we did. It was so funny.

• 15:51Sam Morril?

  We did like a feral cat. That was fucked up.

• 15:53Mark Normand?

  Whoa, he's a New Yorker.

• 15:54Sam Morril?

  It was fucked up.

• 15:55Mark Normand?

  What? Surprised you didn't do a pigeon.

• 15:57Speaker 00

  That's the most New Yorker shit I've ever heard.

• 15:59Sam Morril?

  It was awful. I hated it.

• 16:00Speaker 00

  Hey, this thing's been on my fire escape for a month. We're gonna see how its lungs work.

• 16:05Mark Normand?

  Next week, we'll do a Puerto Rican.

• 16:07Speaker 00

  I'm gonna bring the guy from the bodega.

• 16:09Mark Normand?

  He took it out. Was it still alive? He just smacked it. He's ready.

• 16:13Speaker 00

  He goes, you guys ready for science?

• 16:16Speaker 00

  He just pulls it out.

• 16:18Sam Morril?

  Takes a hockey stick? Shut up.

• 16:21Speaker 00

  That's a cat?

• 16:22Sam Morril?

  It was like a fer- it was like a really gross.

• 16:24Speaker 00

  Did they warn you?

• 16:25Mark Normand?

  Did they skin it? It's too furry. The fur would fuck with me.

• 16:28Sam Morril?

  It was really gross.

• 16:28Speaker 00

  I wonder if they're warning you, because kids have cats as pets.

• 16:31Sam Morril?

  I hated it.

• 16:32Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 16:33Sam Morril?

  I remember we had a project, this teacher, and she, uh, we had to like solve it using DNA, and we all got our separate ones. And I realized, I was like, this was right when I realized I could cheat. I Googled the story that she created that I had to solve using DNA, and I just found the ending online. And I completely cheated, but I was like, and that's how I had to make up, I couldn't figure out the DNA, so I just had to make up the thing for the whole class. And she gave me a dirty look. She, she knew it didn't add up.

• 17:00Speaker 00

  She knew?

• 17:01Sam Morril?

  She knew, but she couldn't call me on it, because I could call her for plagiarizing.

• 17:04Speaker 00

  She's like the prosecutor, you're like the dirty cop, and she goes, I know you want this case in the black, but goddamn it.

• 17:09Sam Morril?

  But she couldn't call me on it, because I could have called her out for plagiarizing and being lazy.

• 17:13Speaker 00

  That's really funny.

• 17:14Sam Morril?

  So I got the fucking A.

• 17:15Speaker 00

  That's really funny. Also.

• 17:17Sam Morril?

  But I plagiarized.

• 17:17Speaker 00

  It's really awesome to think that they put all these kids in the position of murder police.

• 17:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right?

• 17:23Speaker 00

  Kids going home.

• 17:23Sam Morril?

  I pulled a Columbo. I turned back. There's one thing that bothered me about that DNA.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  Miss, Miss G, one more thing. When you came in, you said we had to solve, but.

• 17:33Speaker 00

  You don't have Google. Columbo, your teacher's so funny.

• 17:37Mark Normand?

  And anything with DNA is already weird.

• 17:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:39Mark Normand?

  We found GAK in the anal cavity.

• 17:42Speaker 00

  That was that old, that was that old Chappelle joke on his HBO half hour where he's like, I don't know if I could ever leave my DNA around a crime scene. He like does the whole thing. He's like, hold on one last thing. I've got to jerk off.

• 17:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:56Speaker 00

  Because your DNA is like, how they get it, it's either blood or cum.

• 18:00Mark Normand?

  And that was always weird about Law and Order, SVU, because it was like, you can't curse, you can't show anything. But you were like, there's semen all over this woman's butthole.

• 18:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's semen everywhere. That was the joke.

• 18:09Sam Morril?

  It is weird to make a clean show about sexual assault.

• 18:12Speaker 00

  TV friendly about rape?

• 18:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:15Speaker 00

  That pitch, Dick Wolf goes, you guys probably think this is going to sound crazy. We put rape on TV.

• 18:20Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 18:21Speaker 00

  And they go, what do you mean rape? He goes, I mean kid rape, adult rape, all of it.

• 18:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:25Sam Morril?

  You sodomize him with a pine cone, you sick fuck. No, you can't say fuck.

• 18:29Speaker 00

  No, no, no.

• 18:30Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  Can I say a sick asshole? No, it's not past the watershed moment.

• 18:35Mark Normand?

  And we're going to bring a rapper and a comedian to be in it.

• 18:37Speaker 00

  A former pimp.

• 18:38Sam Morril?

  Belzer, cop killer. Guy who said cop killer is now a cop.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:42Sam Morril?

  He's old.

• 18:43Speaker 00

  And Belzer.

• 18:44Mark Normand?

  Belzer, yeah, the crowd worker, the original crowd worker.

• 18:46Speaker 00

  Man, that moment was Stan Hope.

• 18:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, the best, pull that up.

• 18:50Speaker 00

  He goes, what's this merch? What's this merch? And Stan Hope goes, I bought your book.

• 18:54Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 18:55Speaker 00

  Stan Stan Hope.

• 18:56Sam Morril?

  One of the best episodes.

• 18:57Speaker 00

  That show was great.

• 18:59Sam Morril?

  It depended on the panel, but when they got the right panel.

• 19:01Speaker 00

  Oh, with Patrice?

• 19:02Sam Morril?

  That was a great one.

• 19:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  The Patrice one.

• 19:04Mark Normand?

  Burr had one. He was yelling at Liz Winstead back and forth.

• 19:09Speaker 00

  A towel, Stan Hope wasn't even supposed to be on there. Look at a towel.

• 19:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he looks real rough.

• 19:13Sam Morril?

  Long hair.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  Janie looks young as shit.

• 19:16Mark Normand?

  Look at Stan Hope's jacket.

• 19:17Speaker 00

  He looks healthy.

• 19:18Mark Normand?

  He does.

• 19:20Speaker 00

  God, this was great. This was like no refunds, Stan Hope.

• 19:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the prime. I've seen every one of these. They're all online now.

• 19:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, they're great.

• 19:28Sam Morril?

  Doug was a bucket list.

• 19:28Speaker 00

  Oh, Glenn Wool. Shout out Glenn Wool.

• 19:30Mark Normand?

  Glenn Wool's a good egg.

• 19:33Mark Normand?

  This was great too, because Belzer was trying to hold court and be like the wise guy.

• 19:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:37Mark Normand?

  And they all, you know, you can't fuck with a tell. A tell just dominated him with so many zingers.

• 19:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, Etelle just jumps in at all the right times, but yeah, this is great. I love it.

• 19:48Mark Normand?

  Look how bored he is. Etelle is just thinking of jokes, you can tell.

• 19:51Speaker 00

  You can tell he wants to smoke.

• 19:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he probably, I think he does eventually.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  I'm wrong.

• 19:56Mark Normand?

  Was he still drinking then, too?

• 19:58Speaker 00

  No.

• 19:58Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 19:59Speaker 00

  This is right when he got.

• 19:59Mark Normand?

  Hey! Yeah, how do we, we missed the action figure talk with Stone.

• 20:05Speaker 00

  Don't worry, we can get back into it. We got Kumail Nanjiani.

• 20:08Mark Normand?

  You got anything in the bag? I bet you carry one around, don't you?

• 20:12Speaker 00

  You don't carry?

• 20:14Mark Normand?

  You've changed. Get in here!

• 20:18Speaker 00

  Come on in, dude. Take a seat.

• 20:19Mark Normand?

  Come on in. Oh, you brought your weird cookie. Now we gotta watch you eat it.

• 20:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, you gotta watch. The fans must watch you feast. How you doing, dude?

• 20:28Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 20:29Speaker 00

  What's up, buddy?

• 20:30Speaker 03

  No, this is great. I heard Dan, I heard you from a mile away.

• 20:32Speaker 00

  Down, down on the street?

• 20:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:35Speaker 00

  Like a foghorn?

• 20:37Speaker 03

  Oh, man, let me see that Kumail. I almost bought it just because it was him.

• 20:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, you should.

• 20:40Speaker 03

  But this is the worst selling Marvel legend line, like of all time.

• 20:44Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 20:45Sam Morril?

  Every week, our female listenership just keeps dropping.

• 20:47Mark Normand?

  I know, the vaginas are drying.

• 20:49Speaker 00

  If you think your pussies are dry, give us two more minutes.

• 20:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 00

  Because we're gonna talk action figure sales.

• 20:56Speaker 03

  I was gonna make a custom Kumail, put him in his old, you know, his old open mic gear.

• 21:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, you should, his cabin gear.

• 21:02Speaker 03

  Just melt this up here. Who do you got?

• 21:04Speaker 00

  No, you should put him in what he wore at cabin.

• 21:05Speaker 03

  Exactly, yeah, right?

• 21:06Speaker 00

  You should have returning from Montreal Kumail, where we all sat around him and he told us about how he was gonna buy a TV with his development deal. That was a real thing. We sat outside of him. Yeah, we sat outside on Second Avenue smoking cigarettes. I was smoking cigarettes and he was like telling everyone in the circle like, "Yeah, they gave me a check for a hundred thousand and I'm gonna buy a TV." And we're all like, "Oh, oh, it's really there. They're still going to meals."

• 21:31Sam Morril?

  And then by the time.

• 21:32Speaker 00

  We got up there.

• 21:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 21:34Speaker 00

  They go.

• 21:34Sam Morril?

  Like Paradigm might sign you. I'm like, is that still an agency?

• 21:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. They go, "I don't know, maybe we can give, we might be able to go halvesies on a breakfast at explanation with you."

• 21:44Mark Normand?

  Real bliss.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  Expectation.

• 21:46Speaker 00

  Expectation.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  Explanation's even sadder.

• 21:50Speaker 00

  We're not even going to the wrong next to the hotel.

• 21:51Speaker 03

  We don't have eggs. That's part of the explanation.

• 21:54Speaker 00

  We had eggs. Just toast.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  Lower your expectations. Nothing's happening in Montreal.

• 21:59Speaker 00

  Dude, I remember I was drinking so much during Montreal that I met with a management company in the morning and I was so hungover that I needed a drink and I was like, "Fuck," and I went to explanation or what?

• 22:09Mark Normand?

  Expectation.

• 22:11Mark Normand?

  Explanation should be the abortion.

• 22:12Sam Morril?

  That's the name of the, it's the name of the breakfast spot in Montreal.

• 22:16Mark Normand?

  It's next to the, the hilt, the Hyatt.

• 22:17Sam Morril?

  It's now it's called Exceptional? They changed it?

• 22:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, maybe.

• 22:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, new management.

• 22:21Speaker 00

  Exceptional eggs all the time, but I went in and um, they were serving booze and I got a beer and a shot at like 11 a.m. And I remember the, I just remember the girl from the management company going, well, this is fun. I'll do a Bloody Mary.

• 22:34Mark Normand?

  Oh boy.

• 22:35Speaker 00

  Mine's for survival.

• 22:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 22:37Speaker 00

  I'm trying to get out of a hole right now.

• 22:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, you should look at existential crisis.

• 22:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 22:43Speaker 00

  It is. That was bad. I was so hungover during that meeting.

• 22:47Sam Morril?

  Mark, Mark and I were, we, we went to Montreal the same year. We were just getting fucking, I remember.

• 22:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:51Sam Morril?

  We were not around a lot of open bars at that time.

• 22:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:54Sam Morril?

  They were like the smart, career oriented comics there who were just like, you have one. And Mark and I were just like, grr, grr.

• 22:59Speaker 00

  I blacked out and I, I was asking just like people who worked at Showtime. I was like, why don't you guys buy the wire? I don't know.

• 23:07Sam Morril?

  I remember, I remember walking up to Joshua Benowitz. I love Josh.

• 23:10Speaker 00

  Shout out Josh.

• 23:10Sam Morril?

  And I, I'm, I'm hammering, I go up to Josh, I go, hey, Josh, this is you with the industry.

• 23:16Sam Morril?

  And he goes, this is the head of NBC right here. I was like, oh, sorry. Nice to meet you. I'm not good at this.

• 23:21Mark Normand?

  Remember talking to agents just so they would buy you drinks? You're like, oh, yeah, I love a wing nut.

• 23:26Speaker 00

  Stabbing your drink.

• 23:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:27Speaker 00

  Oh, I, I could probably go out there and go.

• 23:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 23:30Speaker 00

  I remember I did uh, JFL Chicago and I was blackout. I was blackout at Up Comedy Club.

• 23:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 23:39Speaker 00

  That used to exist. And I went to go there and TJ Miller was in the green room and TJ Miller goes, you should probably take it easy. In that moment.

• 23:47Mark Normand?

  TJ Miller.

• 23:48Speaker 00

  In that moment. I swear to God, in that moment, I went.

• 23:51Sam Morril?

  Oh, my God.

• 23:52Speaker 00

  I might have been. And then we went to the party after and I was like blackout drunk. This was so embarrassing, but.

• 23:59Sam Morril?

  You would double fist.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  Yeah. I'd do a shot and a beer. Jamie Masada from The Laugh Factory was like holding court or whatever. And he just like, was like doing that to me. So I was standing with someone that worked at The Laugh Factory and I was blackout drunk and I go. Don't worry about me. I'm an esty guy. I only gotta kiss up to her for spots. And he like looked at me and then I woke up the next day. I was like, why did I even sign?

• 24:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:22Speaker 00

  I woke up in a hotel in Chicago, like, what? And then I remember, did TJ Miller tell me to take it easy?

• 24:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:28Speaker 00

  That was like one of the first thoughts I had the next morning of the wakeover, oh, hangover. I was like, I think TJ, fuck it. I should probably quit.

• 24:35Sam Morril?

  Those festivals got worse and worse. I remember Montreal, the big deal was like, back in the day, Kumail, guys like that, signed development deals for six figures, seven figures, whatever. I mean, maybe probably high six at that point.

• 24:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:47Sam Morril?

  I signed with an agent and then to let you know how low in the totem pole I was, this guy like came in, like the big guy there, came in to like close. And then, uh, I was like, oh, what happened to Fred? And they're like, oh, he quit.

• 24:59Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 25:00Sam Morril?

  So the guy, I was like, I got an agent to like, he quit like two weeks later and didn't even tell me.

• 25:03Speaker 00

  He said he couldn't do it anymore and that the business is dying. You go, just sign him.

• 25:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:08Sam Morril?

  He was like their big guy. And I was like, oh, I guess I just don't have an agent again.

• 25:11Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 25:12Sam Morril?

  It just took me a while to get to Montreal.

• 25:14Mark Normand?

  And now Montreal is over, but it's back.

• 25:16Speaker 00

  We're doing Long Island this Saturday, me and you, baby. We're going to Belmore.

• 25:20Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  We're going into the fucking cage.

• 25:22Speaker 03

  We're not gonna make it out of that.

• 25:24Speaker 00

  No, they're gonna be surrounded on all sides. That's when they sit next to you on stage.

• 25:27Mark Normand?

  What's that one called again?

• 25:28Speaker 00

  Brokerage.

• 25:29Speaker 03

  Brokerage.

• 25:30Speaker 00

  But they literally are on stage.

• 25:31Mark Normand?

  They are, yeah.

• 25:32Speaker 00

  Where a guy can just go, hey, and you're like, yeah, stop.

• 25:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:35Speaker 00

  That's crowd work with real hands on crowd work.

• 25:37Mark Normand?

  I think it has one of those stripper shelves around you. You know those little like tables?

• 25:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, it is.

• 25:42Mark Normand?

  It has one of those.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  They're like drinks.

• 25:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 00

  I do like that room though.

• 25:45Mark Normand?

  It's a gray room. It's a Killlock.

• 25:47Speaker 00

  It is like a fun, tiny little room.

• 25:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:49Speaker 00

  And but there's no green room, so we're gonna be sitting in.

• 25:52Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, with the bar.

• 25:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:54Speaker 00

  They're ready for a, for a car hang.

• 25:56Mark Normand?

  Bring a couple of toys.

• 25:57Speaker 00

  Yeah. Dude, that'd be awesome. Bring your figures. We'll just have a whole world.

• 26:01Sam Morril?

  I have one for you. I keep forgetting. Yes.

• 26:03Mark Normand?

  Fans walk by like, there they are. Oh, weird.

• 26:06Speaker 00

  They refund their ticket. Look at these fucking homos playing with toys in their car.

• 26:13Speaker 00

  And then you go on stage, you go, I'm gonna tell you like it is.

• 26:17Speaker 00

  Seconds earlier, you're like.

• 26:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:19Sam Morril?

  I haven't been there till he tried to fuck me over on money during COVID, I think.

• 26:24Speaker 00

  Did he give you a nod? He gives you a nod of money.

• 26:27Mark Normand?

  A nod?

• 26:28Speaker 03

  Like a wad?

• 26:28Speaker 00

  Yeah. Where you go like this, where he puts it in your hand and I'm always just too giant of a pussy to go, well, I mean, like, I need to have paperwork for this. When you're that big of a dork, where he goes, hey, good job tonight. And you go, I just need to check with the government.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  This is Young James, though. Young James is the sweetest. I think the brokerage is Young James.

• 26:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's the son.

• 26:49Speaker 03

  His son. He's one of the best people ever.

• 26:50Speaker 00

  I love him. He's a huge comedy fan.

• 26:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:52Speaker 00

  Uh, how did they fuck you over, Sam?

• 26:54Sam Morril?

  It was just COVID shit. It was just him being like, uh, oh no, people canceled. And I'm like, well, you resell, it's sold out. You resell the tickets.

• 27:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:03Sam Morril?

  But he was like honoring like day of cancels. I'm like, I can't.

• 27:06Speaker 00

  Wait, so he was not paying you because people canceled?

• 27:09Sam Morril?

  He claims. I don't fucking know.

• 27:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's.

• 27:10Sam Morril?

  But it was, it was shady and I was like, but it's sold out.

• 27:13Speaker 00

  Man, COVID was a real time to watch club owners learn how to scramble to fuck you.

• 27:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, totally.

• 27:18Speaker 00

  Uh, I can't.

• 27:19Sam Morril?

  But I was like, I'm good for, I'm good for here forever.

• 27:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, you know, it's a, you ever done Maguire's?

• 27:24Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 27:24Mark Normand?

  It's even further out.

• 27:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:25Mark Normand?

  It's a warehouse.

• 27:27Speaker 00

  Gary Veder had the gift. Cause I had worked Maguire's before and it was horrible. It's like they're talking during your set.

• 27:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:34Speaker 00

  And then Veder featured for me one weekend and they listened. He like.

• 27:39Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 27:39Speaker 00

  Got them to be a great audience.

• 27:41Sam Morril?

  He's a Rockland County boy.

• 27:42Speaker 00

  Cause they, well, they also, you have to listen and he's got great jokes.

• 27:46Mark Normand?

  Great jokes.

• 27:47Speaker 00

  They would listen. They would shut up and listen. Then he'd make them laugh. And then by the time I went up there, I'm like, oh, they're like a real crowd.

• 27:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Wow. All right.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  Only him and Tim Dillon were the only two people I saw handle that room well.

• 27:58Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 27:59Speaker 00

  Just go up there and be like, shut up.

• 28:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Well, they're both Long Island. They're speaking their fucking animals.

• 28:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, they can do their dialect.

• 28:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 28:06Speaker 00

  So I get it.

• 28:07Mark Normand?

  Nate had that. Remember you do the world and it'd be like a chatty tourist, bunch of.

• 28:11Speaker 00

  I was just telling people about this.

• 28:12Mark Normand?

  Nut jobs. And then they would go, so I was, uh, out in the park, man. And they would go, what's up with this guy?

• 28:16Speaker 00

  But you're forgetting, he used to bomb a lot.

• 28:18Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 28:19Speaker 00

  He like gave himself to the darkness. Like I was at the show. Where he was just fell back and do it and he goes, I'm just gonna keep talking.

• 28:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:26Speaker 00

  And then like after that, every time he was like better and better at winning them over.

• 28:30Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 28:31Speaker 00

  That room sucked.

• 28:32Sam Morril?

  You ever see that movie Bone Collector with Denzel?

• 28:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:35Sam Morril?

  That scene with the bad guy, Denzel's just like on the ground paralyzed and he's, he's just like talking to himself and he's like, wait, what? And he leans in and he just bites him in the neck.

• 28:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:44Sam Morril?

  You're doing that with jokes.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  I saw Dave, Dave Attell open at Stand Up New York. It was Dave Attell got the

• 28:54Mark Normand?

  Opening.

• 28:55Speaker 03

  Opening. What was like, I don't know, maybe it was a guy before him. I don't remember, but he was first very early in the show. Gets them wild, fucking screaming, screaming. Then I saw Ted go on right after him.

• 29:06Speaker 00

  We're just talking about Ted.

• 29:07Speaker 03

  And he brought him down, like they were fucking animals. And he was like, ah, and then I watched him kill on his fu- and I went, that's a comedy.

• 29:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:15Speaker 03

  Right there.

• 29:16Mark Normand?

  Ted's like a Jedi, cause he would go up and go. Zachary, Heineken. I like it. I like it. And then they were listening. He was just like a teacher. He had you in the palm.

• 29:26Speaker 00

  You know that port that you can look through at East Fourth?

• 29:29Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 29:31Speaker 00

  I remember when it was useful, watching Ted just like calmly, it like that with like a rowdy crowd. You're like, he could take a nap up there.

• 29:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:38Speaker 00

  And he'd be like.

• 29:39Mark Normand?

  He would slink across the stage.

• 29:41Speaker 03

  He just put out a best of album. He did all this old stuff that he was not, it's awesome.

• 29:46Mark Normand?

  Check out Ted. His, he's a killer. He's the only guy, only guy is one of the few guys with two presents.

• 29:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:51Mark Normand?

  He did two.

• 29:52Speaker 00

  DeRosa.

• 29:53Mark Normand?

  No, I think he was banging one of the, uh, yeah, Todd and I think

• 29:56Speaker 00

  Todd got two.

• 29:57Mark Normand?

  DePaulo maybe?

• 29:57Speaker 00

  DePaulo's got two.

• 29:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:59Sam Morril?

  Geraldo, wow.

• 30:00Mark Normand?

  Geraldo?

• 30:01Speaker 00

  Geraldo had two Comedy Central hours. I don't think he had two presents.

• 30:04Sam Morril?

  Did two halves.

• 30:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, he did? Okay.

• 30:07Speaker 00

  Can you have dude, Comedy Central Presents, here's my thing with nostalgia and stuff. Where's that? Comedy Central, be smart.

• 30:14Speaker 03

  Right.

• 30:14Speaker 00

  Go like, hey.

• 30:15Sam Morril?

  Some Paramount Plus probably.

• 30:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, but like, so like, but like, push that. But be like, hey, we're gonna bring it back. Like, try to compete. Be like, hey, we're gonna bring back a fucking Comedy Central Presents and then everyone would get wild about it, right? We're on YouTube.

• 30:28Sam Morril?

  No one gives a shit but us.

• 30:30Speaker 00

  I know.

• 30:30Sam Morril?

  No one cares.

• 30:31Mark Normand?

  I know, but there's Dane Cook, there's all these like old, you know, killers, like who are famous now.

• 30:35Speaker 00

  Oh, the Nick Swartson one?

• 30:37Mark Normand?

  Swartson was great. That was a great one.

• 30:40Speaker 03

  I just get mad, you, I kinda can't find them ever.

• 30:43Mark Normand?

  No.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Just watch them, like just give me access to them.

• 30:45Speaker 00

  Regan.

• 30:46Mark Normand?

  Gaffigan.

• 30:46Speaker 00

  Regan. I think Sam's right. I think they're all on Paramount Plus.

• 30:49Mark Normand?

  Check it out there, Peters.

• 30:51Speaker 00

  Oh, look at that.

• 30:52Mark Normand?

  Where are you, where are you? Oh, Paramount Plus.

• 30:54Speaker 00

  Look at Marc Maron.

• 30:54Mark Normand?

  Wow. Holy shit, that was.

• 30:56Speaker 00

  Who is this? They got Lewis Black, young Lewis.

• 30:59Mark Normand?

  Hedberg.

• 30:59Speaker 00

  Look at Fitzsimmons.

• 31:00Speaker 03

  Hedberg, wow.

• 31:01Mark Normand?

  Wow, look at Kevin Brennan. I think he did the first one. Oh no, season one.

• 31:05Speaker 00

  Wanda Sykes, I remember very well.

• 31:07Speaker 03

  It's a good one.

• 31:08Speaker 00

  It's a great one.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  They all stayed around, right? You look at like some of these half hours now, those, a lot of these comics came and went. These presents, they're like, there's, most of these guys are all still here.

• 31:17Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  That's like how good you had to be to get one.

• 31:19Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  Man, I, did you ever go to those tapings?

• 31:22Mark Normand?

  No.

• 31:23Speaker 00

  They were really fun. I watched Kurt Metzger and Tom Rhodes tape.

• 31:26Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 31:26Speaker 00

  And then I watched, uh, who else? When they used to do the elaborate sets, not these, not the half hours, the, when they had the elaborate sets.

• 31:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:34Speaker 00

  We never got those.

• 31:34Mark Normand?

  I remember that.

• 31:35Speaker 00

  Our class didn't get that. We didn't get to pick what your theme was.

• 31:38Mark Normand?

  Got too pricey.

• 31:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, remember Burr had his was like sports. It was like a pinball. Like they all had, Patrice's was like a subway station.

• 31:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Dom Arera had a deli, I remember.

• 31:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he did. He went like one man show with it.

• 31:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I'm a Italian.

• 31:54Speaker 00

  But they did that. You could like go full one man show on all of the backdrop.

• 31:57Sam Morril?

  And then they were, and then by the time we all did it, they're like, you get your name.

• 32:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:02Speaker 00

  Dude, and we were still like, cool.

• 32:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:05Speaker 00

  That's awesome. But yeah, you're right. They took like, and you know what they did? It's the cheapening of the digital screen. Cause they, Sam, instead of like building stuff, they just go, put it on the screen.

• 32:14Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. It wasn't even, it was just projected.

• 32:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:18Mark Normand?

  Look at that, oh, we're all on Paramount Pro. Where's our check?

• 32:21Speaker 00

  Oh, I mean, I guarantee if you looked at that contract, they were like, we own this now.

• 32:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:28Speaker 00

  Here's your money.

• 32:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, God.

• 32:30Speaker 00

  I didn't know I hate myself was a Comedy Central.

• 32:33Sam Morril?

  It was Comedy Central YouTube.

• 32:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. That was the end of the, kind of the last.

• 32:38Speaker 00

  Hey, Norman.

• 32:39Mark Normand?

  Hurrah.

• 32:39Speaker 03

  I got this photo. That's a great photo.

• 32:41Speaker 00

  Hey, look, you guys are next to each other.

• 32:42Mark Normand?

  Hey, that's fun.

• 32:42Speaker 03

  Really?

• 32:43Speaker 00

  Oh, look at that, Sam, you're sandwiching Norman.

• 32:45Mark Normand?

  Hey, finally.

• 32:46Sam Morril?

  That's a Salakus photo. I got this.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's great.

• 32:49Speaker 00

  You know what they should have done? I got this and positive influence should have been switched and you would both look like you were looking at Mark eating soup.

• 32:58Speaker 00

  They really fucked up. Whoever does their layout fucked up.

• 33:01Mark Normand?

  That's at a diner in LA at four in the morning.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  Really?

• 33:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I was shitfaced.

• 33:05Speaker 00

  Good pick.

• 33:06Mark Normand?

  Not bad. Marcus Price took that.

• 33:08Speaker 00

  Hey!

• 33:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:10Speaker 00

  That's great. Look at how young you are, dude.

• 33:13Mark Normand?

  That's only five years ago.

• 33:14Speaker 00

  I know.

• 33:16Mark Normand?

  You've aged.

• 33:17Speaker 00

  We all have.

• 33:18Mark Normand?

  We all have, yeah.

• 33:19Speaker 00

  There's a drop off. There is an age where you go like, where it happens rapidly.

• 33:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:23Speaker 00

  Where like, I'll look at pictures of me. You posted that one from We Might Be Drunk of Us at Cabin. And someone was like,

• 33:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God, yeah.

• 33:30Speaker 00

  Soder looks way better. You go, it's 15 years ago.

• 33:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 33:33Speaker 00

  Of course I look better.

• 33:34Mark Normand?

  We all look so pale in that and so young.

• 33:37Speaker 00

  And then fucking drunk. You can tell how drunk we all are.

• 33:41Speaker 03

  Hey, and Mark, I feel bad to say, I hate saying it, but now that you have the kid, in two years, you're gonna look like this.

• 33:48Mark Normand?

  This is it, man.

• 33:49Speaker 00

  That's the wear and tear.

• 33:50Speaker 03

  I wasn't white. It ages you fast.

• 33:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it really does.

• 33:53Speaker 00

  Old cabin picture.

• 33:54Mark Normand?

  It's crazy.

• 33:55Speaker 00

  There it is.

• 33:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, man. Hey, hey, folks, we might be drunk. People joke about being so OCD all the time, but if you actually have it, it's no laughing matter. Luckily, there's NoCD. NoCD is the world's leading OCD treatment provider that'll match you up with a licensed therapist who can help. OCD is a serious and highly misunderstood condition, but with the right kind of help from a specialized therapist who truly understands what you're experiencing and is trained to treat it, OCD is extremely manageable. At NoCD, every therapist deeply understands OCD. They'll work with you in live video sessions to reduce those intrusive thoughts and compulsions. This stuff works. I've got a couple weird tics,

• 34:38Mark Normand?

  and this helps. Get on it. The therapists are great. They're nice. With powerful in-app tools, therapist messaging, peer communities, and live support groups, NoCD makes sure you're supported between sessions. With NoCD, you'll never have to navigate the condition on your own. If any of this sounds familiar, don't wait. Visit nocd.com and book a free call with their team and get connected to someone who can help. That's n-o-c-d dot com.

• 35:05Sam Morril?

  Time to break out the fall and winter wardrobe and if all your clothing from last season's falling apart, stock up with Quince with staples like 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters starting at just 60 bucks. Real leather jackets without the crazy price tag. You can refresh the whole wardrobe. Yeah, they sent us, they sent us some nice stuff here. I'm loving this.

• 35:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, I got a suede jacket.

• 35:28Sam Morril?

  You look good as hell in that jacket. I complimented that jacket. You thought it was a little too tight, but I thought it was chic.

• 35:34Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 35:34Sam Morril?

  You look fucking good, dude.

• 35:35Mark Normand?

  The kids are wearing it tight.

• 35:36Sam Morril?

  The kids are wearing it tight, man. And, uh, yeah, I got a cool hoodie from them. It's great. Keep it classic this fall with long lasting staples from Quince. Go to quince.com slash drunk for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Yeah, this is like really good quality clothing and it looks really good. And it's just comfy as hell and it's not, it's not going to break the bank. It's great. Go to quince.com slash drunk for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E dot com slash drunk. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash drunk.

• 36:13Mark Normand?

  There it is.

• 36:14Speaker 00

  Look at Veeder.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  Oh, wow. Beckwood Joe used to drink.

• 36:16Mark Normand?

  Veeder looks worse.

• 36:17Speaker 00

  Nate's going nuts.

• 36:19Mark Normand?

  I wonder if Nate is bothered by this.

• 36:20Speaker 00

  My big head is blocking Sam.

• 36:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, look at that noggin.

• 36:23Sam Morril?

  Oversized shitty jacket I used to wear. Oh, my God.

• 36:25Mark Normand?

  You got the leather.

• 36:26Speaker 00

  Look at my Nick DiPaolo starter kit.

• 36:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:29Speaker 00

  The leather coat.

• 36:30Mark Normand?

  The Attitude Jacket.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  You think if Nate was pissed, why?

• 36:33Mark Normand?

  I wonder if this bothered him like, hey, come on, guys. I'm like a squeaky clean family man.

• 36:38Speaker 00

  It's not Christ like and you're like, it's fine. Look at Conan on in the back. Remember when you'd watch people do Conan at cabins?

• 36:45Mark Normand?

  That might've been this night and we might've been watching Che or something.

• 36:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was so fun. God, that bar was great. And that woman was so mean.

• 36:52Mark Normand?

  Yes, I was very into her. That's right.

• 36:56Speaker 00

  Che couldn't do the show after a while. She got drunk and she was a fucking asshole.

• 37:00Mark Normand?

  She was a kooz.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  She kicked the door on me for having sex in the bathroom. I wasn't having sex in the bathroom. I was like just pissing and I was like, what the fuck lady? And she was like, no sex. She was like, she's, I don't remember exactly how.

• 37:10Speaker 00

  Who was in there?

• 37:11Speaker 03

  I was by myself and she was like, no sex in that bathroom. I swear something. I don't remember this. She opened the door and I was like, what are you doing? And I was like, that's not happening. And someone told me, I think they were like, yeah, she said that people were fucking in the bathroom and that's why she kicked it in.

• 37:23Mark Normand?

  It was weird. You were holding that action figure.

• 37:26Speaker 00

  Also, you should've gone into it and left and gone, sorry, I was fucking.

• 37:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 37:31Sam Morril?

  You would've been a legend.

• 37:32Speaker 00

  I'm fucking public. Great Stone, fuck a lot.

• 37:36Mark Normand?

  Louis looks like our creepy manager of the boy band.

• 37:39Speaker 00

  He's like, look at my boys. My boys are gonna do so hot. My hot boys. Damn, List was very drunk.

• 37:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's Louis Katz. I couldn't tell who that was.

• 37:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, Louis Katz and then List leaning back. I think I'm holding him.

• 37:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Louis looks like he's wearing the Groucho face, the glasses.

• 37:55Speaker 00

  Damn dude, those, I used to wait tables the next morning.

• 37:59Mark Normand?

  The Mexican joint?

• 38:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I would have to be at the cafe at 10 a.m. And I remember so many of those nights being outside with you guys till like four.

• 38:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 38:09Speaker 00

  And then being like, alright, all I need is four hours of sleep.

• 38:11Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 38:12Speaker 00

  You're like, four hours is healthy.

• 38:14Sam Morril?

  When you're young, you could do four hours.

• 38:15Speaker 00

  And I would, but it would be so painful.

• 38:17Sam Morril?

  I'm fucking hungover right now.

• 38:19Speaker 00

  Are you really?

• 38:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm feeling it.

• 38:20Speaker 00

  Did you go out last night?

• 38:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 38:22Speaker 00

  Big?

• 38:23Sam Morril?

  Big enough.

• 38:24Speaker 00

  Date or?

• 38:25Mark Normand?

  Well, it was a Monday, come on.

• 38:26Speaker 00

  Was it a date or were you just?

• 38:27Sam Morril?

  I was with a buddy. We just, we just pulled up at a bar and, yeah.

• 38:32Speaker 00

  And then it's hurting. You've got that.

• 38:34Sam Morril?

  I don't feel great.

• 38:35Mark Normand?

  I was there the other, the other day. It's the worst. We're getting old. It hurts more.

• 38:39Speaker 00

  Cause here's the thing, I've been out of the game for 12 years. I've been away from it.

• 38:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 38:43Speaker 00

  What do you do to, do you do the, do you do like, um, Pedialyte before you go to bed?

• 38:49Mark Normand?

  No.

• 38:50Sam Morril?

  I do, I have like some powders. Yeah, I'll do, I'll do what I can.

• 38:52Speaker 00

  You have elixirs?

• 38:53Mark Normand?

  None of that shit works.

• 38:54Sam Morril?

  It doesn't work.

• 38:55Mark Normand?

  I try all of that shit. I've tried hangover, begone, or whatever the fuck it's called.

• 38:59Speaker 00

  You never does it? What about the charcoal pills that the KG?

• 39:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'm in. I've, I've taken 20 of those.

• 39:04Speaker 00

  Those things, I, I used it once, but I think it was placebo.

• 39:07Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 39:08Sam Morril?

  It's all placebo.

• 39:08Speaker 00

  Cause I used it and I woke up and, but I was like 19. I was like, I'm fine.

• 39:12Mark Normand?

  The only move is just pig out on like pizza, burger, or like late night eats.

• 39:16Sam Morril?

  It's just choose your shit.

• 39:18Mark Normand?

  I'd rather that shit, cause it's at least not a headache. You're not painful. You're just like, ugh.

• 39:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:23Mark Normand?

  You know?

• 39:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but you just can't sleep. Sleep is the issue and it fucks up your cycle. And I was trying to, my friend's staying with me for a couple of weeks. I was trying to get him laid. We went out. I think he met a girl. He did alright. But, uh.

• 39:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 39:36Sam Morril?

  But I was like, bring her back and fuck her on my couch. I don't give a shit.

• 39:38Mark Normand?

  I wanna watch.

• 39:39Sam Morril?

  I was trying to help. Yeah, I got a camera set up. I got a rig. I'm watching my room.

• 39:43Mark Normand?

  I got a rat here.

• 39:43Speaker 00

  Honestly, if you're cool, then we could make some money. Honestly, we could get enough money for you to stay at a hotel, so you're not in my house.

• 39:50Sam Morril?

  Do you know what Instagram Live is?

• 39:52Speaker 00

  We're gonna go live. What are your, what's your follower count?

• 39:54Mark Normand?

  But.

• 39:55Speaker 00

  So what happened? Did he get it? Did he bring her back?

• 39:57Sam Morril?

  No, I think they were fooling around a little bit and then I, he's like, I'm gonna do it tonight. And I was like, alright.

• 40:02Speaker 00

  Is that weird? Cause like, what are you gonna do? You gonna take a walk?

• 40:06Sam Morril?

  Nah, I got a, I got a door that shuts. I got, I got a room in the back you can use.

• 40:09Speaker 00

  Alright, it's not like in your living room?

• 40:11Sam Morril?

  No, we're good, we're good.

• 40:12Speaker 00

  You're like, I was trying to watch the second episode of Alien Earth. I guess you two slapping skin will be.

• 40:18Sam Morril?

  I don't give a shit. He's my buddy.

• 40:20Mark Normand?

  That's great. Yeah. Speaking of those early mornings, I'm talking about the restaurant, I used to temp. And so.

• 40:26Speaker 00

  That's where you got the, I don't see color.

• 40:29Speaker 00

  I don't see color bit.

• 40:30Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, that's true.

• 40:30Sam Morril?

  I'm, I'm black.

• 40:32Mark Normand?

  How the hell did you know that?

• 40:33Speaker 00

  I remember all your guys' bits.

• 40:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was a big bit for me.

• 40:36Speaker 00

  I, that's, I think my form of autism.

• 40:38Sam Morril?

  I remember your bits, I remember your bits.

• 40:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I, I think that's what I love.

• 40:42Sam Morril?

  Remember your bits.

• 40:42Mark Normand?

  You think this bad neighborhood? I remember all of them.

• 40:45Speaker 00

  Thing got me out of waiting tables. That was that Free Bird.

• 40:48Sam Morril?

  That, that, that bit fucking murdered.

• 40:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was like the first joke that I wrote that really worked where you were like. And then I did it too many places. I did it on code. And by the way, someone played a clip of it. The voice I do for the black guy, not cool now.

• 41:03Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 41:03Speaker 00

  I'm like, hey man! And I do some shit like that where I'm like.

• 41:09Mark Normand?

  It's a different time.

• 41:09Sam Morril?

  Do you say black guy in it?

• 41:11Speaker 00

  I go thug, which Republicans made real tough to use.

• 41:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but there's way, but you're saying black guy. It could, it could be a white thug who talks like that.

• 41:19Mark Normand?

  Absolutely.

• 41:19Speaker 00

  There are white guys who grow up.

• 41:21Mark Normand?

  That's true, it is New York.

• 41:22Speaker 00

  That is New York.

• 41:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:23Speaker 00

  But yeah, we don't have to watch it.

• 41:25Mark Normand?

  No.

• 41:27Speaker 00

  It just, trust me, it sucks.

• 41:28Mark Normand?

  But it crushed. You crushed it.

• 41:30Speaker 00

  But that was like, that was all funny, cause that was at a time where we're all finding out our one bit. Like our first hit single.

• 41:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, mine was janitor.

• 41:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're like, ah, janitor, it's crazy on the sign. It, it's so fun. Dude, I remember you were the one that, when, when you went through it with the rape joke.

• 41:48Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 41:49Speaker 00

  First, but really what's funny about that is you were like pre-cancel culture in trouble.

• 41:54Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 41:54Speaker 00

  And I remember how preposterous it was to me.

• 41:57Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 41:58Speaker 00

  Cause I read it and I go, well, it's missing half the joke.

• 42:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's a problem.

• 42:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:03Mark Normand?

  That's how they do it.

• 42:03Sam Morril?

  That's a problem when they're trying to get you in trouble with the joke and they only put the setup.

• 42:07Speaker 00

  Well, that's what's funny about all these like videos, like comedy hate videos now.

• 42:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:11Speaker 00

  Cause you can just take a little clip of like me on stage going like, "Yeah!" And they're like, "Is he losing his mind?"

• 42:17Mark Normand?

  Right. Dan Soder's lost it. And they show the thumbnail.

• 42:21Speaker 00

  Ah, you go, "I'm doing the eat ass act out."

• 42:23Mark Normand?

  Right, right. They do it all day long.

• 42:26Speaker 00

  It's great. Whatever. It's fun.

• 42:28Mark Normand?

  But just, I just want one of those guys to admit, like, "Okay, thank God you did something weird, cause now I get paid." You know? They never thank us.

• 42:35Speaker 00

  Thank you very much for that weird clip.

• 42:37Mark Normand?

  It's just like, "I hate you, I hate you, you're the worst, you suck, you're a hack." And they're like, "Yeah, but you're using me."

• 42:42Sam Morril?

  I got stuff out of it. I mean.

• 42:44Speaker 00

  I mean, you have a great bit about, on the last special about.

• 42:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 42:47Speaker 00

  About this whole. Which is fun, cause it's almost like a continuum.

• 42:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 42:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:51Speaker 00

  You almost go, you know, if you're a, if you're a Morril guy, you remember when the first one came out.

• 42:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I don't know, I don't know if non-comics remember that shit.

• 42:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, but that's why. That's us sucking our, each other off.

• 43:02Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 43:03Speaker 00

  That's our lemon party.

• 43:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 43:04Speaker 00

  It's just being like, "I remember you doing, I remember you doing, fucking blowing each other."

• 43:09Mark Normand?

  Lemon Party was the original black guy, huge dick.

• 43:12Speaker 00

  Yes. Where he goes, "Hey, check out this link."

• 43:14Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 43:15Speaker 00

  Three old men blowing each other.

• 43:17Mark Normand?

  I, I think the Lemon Party was a little more fun. It was the most fun. It was fun. It was upbeat.

• 43:21Speaker 00

  Cause you go, ew, but also funny.

• 43:25Mark Normand?

  What about these guys?

• 43:26Speaker 00

  It's not aggressive, cause they're all old men. It's hopeful. It is.

• 43:29Mark Normand?

  It's hopeful.

• 43:30Speaker 00

  One day I can go, "Oh, you're sucking another guy's dick in a nursing home? I can't wait."

• 43:36Mark Normand?

  That's living.

• 43:37Speaker 00

  You can be old enough where you can blow your buddy, and then he can blow your other buddy. And it was interracial! Listen, that's teamwork.

• 43:43Mark Normand?

  You know what, guys? In 30 years, let's meet right here. Redo the Lemon Party.

• 43:47Speaker 00

  That's all, dude. That's so fucking funny. So what are you, you up for softball later? And you go.

• 43:56Mark Normand?

  Let me see that photo one last time, just for old times sake.

• 43:59Speaker 00

  Type in lemonparty.com, see if it comes up still.

• 44:01Speaker 03

  Oh, it does. Absolutely.

• 44:03Mark Normand?

  He checks once a week.

• 44:05Speaker 00

  It's your home screen?

• 44:07Speaker 00

  You gotta be over eighteen.

• 44:08Mark Normand?

  Okay, we are.

• 44:10Speaker 00

  By the way, the going on the road with no porn thing, oh, it's just.

• 44:13Mark Normand?

  Wait, what do you mean no porn on the road?

• 44:14Speaker 00

  Like you ever go, we go to states where they're like.

• 44:17Mark Normand?

  Texas, Louisiana.

• 44:19Speaker 00

  I was just in Virginia.

• 44:20Sam Morril?

  I always download some for the trip.

• 44:23Speaker 00

  It's like a movie on an iPad. Yeah, for the airplane ride.

• 44:27Sam Morril?

  No, you try to use that imagination, see if you still got it.

• 44:29Mark Normand?

  It's tough.

• 44:30Speaker 00

  Old school, go an old school jerk. You feel like Doctor Strange.

• 44:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you feel Amish. Like, how did I do this?

• 44:37Speaker 03

  I tried to draw a picture.

• 44:39Speaker 00

  I didn't think I was gonna do an unplugged this weekend.

• 44:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right. Um, no, you can't find it, huh? I guess it got scrubbed. It's weird. So that's someone's grandpa.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  I think when they died, they were like, it's time to let it go.

• 44:51Mark Normand?

  I guess so.

• 44:52Speaker 00

  Hey.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  There she is.

• 44:53Mark Normand?

  Ah, they cleaned it up.

• 44:55Speaker 03

  No, that's no good. Also, it was like, that was the first time I ever realized that old people can also be gay.

• 45:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  I didn't know that. I didn't know that, but they just.

• 45:04Mark Normand?

  And then you met Rick Crumb.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:06Speaker 00

  And you're like, okay, all right. Lemon party, dude. It's so funny that it's like, those, those guys, those old men were like, well, no one will ever find out.

• 45:16Mark Normand?

  No.

• 45:17Speaker 00

  Reginald's gonna take a picture and it's just for us.

• 45:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:21Speaker 00

  You fool, they know us as the lemon party man.

• 45:25Sam Morril?

  He's got that picture, he's bombing.

• 45:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, right.

• 45:29Speaker 00

  I repeat, I repeat, you're under attack from Imperial Forces. He goes, I'm not going. I gotta kill. Them talking about World War II, then blowing each other. Remember when we got home?

• 45:43Mark Normand?

  Oh man, I guess it's gone. I don't know if this is good or bad.

• 45:46Speaker 00

  This is sad.

• 45:47Mark Normand?

  I'm like bummed out.

• 45:48Speaker 03

  I thought it was dot org.

• 45:49Speaker 00

  Remember rotten dot com? Did you guys ever go on rotten dot com?

• 45:52Mark Normand?

  Woo, did I ever.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  It was disturbing. It was disturbing.

• 45:53Speaker 00

  Very disturbing, right?

• 45:54Mark Normand?

  Too much. It was the original, or no, it was like, uh, Faces of Death.

• 45:57Speaker 03

  Faces of Death.

• 45:58Speaker 00

  Do you know what the one, the fucked up one was? Was, uh, banned from TV.

• 46:02Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 46:02Speaker 00

  Faces of Death was fake.

• 46:05Mark Normand?

  No.

• 46:06Speaker 03

  I found that out from you, I think, like a week ago.

• 46:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, Faces of Death was fake.

• 46:09Speaker 03

  I didn't know that.

• 46:09Speaker 00

  Banned from TV was shit that was so fucked up.

• 46:12Speaker 03

  Videos of people just dying.

• 46:13Speaker 00

  It's like they would show like people getting, but like you would watch it at like your friend's basement when you were 12.

• 46:18Mark Normand?

  Remember the guy with the gun? No, no!

• 46:20Speaker 00

  Oh, that's real.

• 46:21Mark Normand?

  That one's real. That was Faces of Death.

• 46:22Speaker 00

  If you guys have a problem with any guns, that's, um, what's his name?

• 46:26Mark Normand?

  He was like a senator or something.

• 46:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, he was in Oregon. Why can't I think of his name?

• 46:29Mark Normand?

  By the way, I see half of that shit on X every day now.

• 46:32Speaker 00

  I mean, yeah, that's all. The internet's just rotten dot com.

• 46:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right. It used to be like kind of a novelty. Now it's just my feed.

• 46:38Speaker 00

  Oh man, who, I'm gonna look in this up because this is bugging, bugging me.

• 46:42Mark Normand?

  He was an old bald guy. He was in a suit.

• 46:45Speaker 00

  Uh, Filter wrote this song, Hey Man, Nice Shot about him.

• 46:47Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 46:48Speaker 00

  Bud Dwyer.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  Bud Dwyer was the, yeah, and then.

• 46:51Speaker 00

  He was the one that he takes out the gun. He goes, if anyone has a problem with a gun, you should get out of here.

• 46:56Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 46:57Speaker 00

  And fucking shoots himself.

• 46:58Speaker 03

  And it's real?

• 46:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  The Nine Inch Nails song.

• 46:59Speaker 00

  He got caught right there all the way to the left. That's the clip. But banned from TV, or no, the Filter song, Hey Man, Nice Shot.

• 47:06Speaker 03

  No, but the Nine Inch Nails song uses the gunshot as the beat.

• 47:09Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 47:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's on a, on a downward spiral.

• 47:14Speaker 00

  Get over here. We gotta lock up.

• 47:17Mark Normand?

  He might have been in the lemon part. Look at that guy. That's why he shot himself.

• 47:19Speaker 03

  He goes, you guys found out what I do with my friends? How'd you find me and Mr. Hashimoto?

• 47:24Speaker 00

  That's how I feel every time I say the wrong name. Oh, you're fucked.

• 47:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:27Speaker 00

  But banned from TV was like shit from like, the, the one I remember is there was a hostage situation.

• 47:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:34Speaker 00

  And the guy tried to pretend that he was one of the hostages, but the, it was in Brazil and they knew it was him. And they all come out and the Brazilian SWAT team just shoots some point blank range with a shotgun to the chest.

• 47:44Mark Normand?

  Holy shit.

• 47:46Speaker 00

  All these people are running out. They just go, boosh. Do you remember the lady running in front of the train?

• 47:51Mark Normand?

  Yes, that I remember.

• 47:52Speaker 00

  That was on banned from TV.

• 47:52Speaker 03

  Oh, I hated that.

• 47:53Speaker 00

  That was real.

• 47:54Mark Normand?

  That was dark.

• 47:55Speaker 00

  They were filming like the last run of a train and then the guy checks and he doesn't go and the lady goes and it's like. And then all the shit flies at the camera.

• 48:02Sam Morril?

  I missed all this shit.

• 48:03Speaker 00

  You're lucky.

• 48:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:04Speaker 00

  Because it was always a friend's older brother. And they were like, you guys want to watch banned from TV? And I'd be like this, in my head, absolutely not.

• 48:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was always, we're watching porn, we're having a good time, porn, porkies, and some guy goes, faces of death. And I go, I guess I'm gonna close my eyes in the back of the room for this one.

• 48:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:19Speaker 00

  Well, it looks like I won't be sleeping.

• 48:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Sam saw none of it, but you did dissect a cat.

• 48:24Speaker 00

  That's true.

• 48:25Mark Normand?

  You're even.

• 48:26Speaker 00

  A feral cat.

• 48:27Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 48:28Sam Morril?

  Oh, I didn't want to.

• 48:29Speaker 00

  What, did you try to opt out?

• 48:31Sam Morril?

  Nah, just.

• 48:32Mark Normand?

  You could opt out. There was always one girl who cried. I remember. She was like, I can't do this.

• 48:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, like a frog.

• 48:36Mark Normand?

  Living thing, yeah. She's a vegan now.

• 48:38Speaker 00

  Yeah. Or she's not. Now she runs like a barbecue joint. She's like, I was wrong. Fuck all these animals. Kill them. No, there's no friends in this game.

• 48:47Speaker 03

  You ever see a guy die in real life?

• 48:48Speaker 00

  No.

• 48:49Mark Normand?

  Once. I didn't see him die when I saw a dead body.

• 48:51Speaker 00

  Where?

• 48:52Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah?

• 48:52Mark Normand?

  In a warehouse in New Orleans. I'm like, me and my buddies were just walking around, you know, with a hoop, with a stick, you know?

• 48:58Speaker 03

  Oh, right, right.

• 48:59Speaker 00

  You stand by me, huh?

• 49:00Mark Normand?

  I would stand by me. And all I saw was the feet and some blood and like trash around him.

• 49:06Sam Morril?

  How'd he die?

• 49:07Mark Normand?

  I don't know. It was just a dead body.

• 49:08Speaker 00

  They picked him up and weekend at Bernie's.

• 49:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:11Speaker 00

  They go, guys, maybe he can buy us beer. So he put his arm over.

• 49:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:15Speaker 00

  Well, you worked at a hospital.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, I.

• 49:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  Dude, I was pushing a guy. So I'm with a guy, 150 years old. His daughter, who's like 98 years old or whatever, they're getting the elevator. She doesn't fit in the elevator. And I go, I'll see you guys upstairs. And she's like, okay. I'm looking at him. We're on the elevator. He just goes.

• 49:35Speaker 03

  And then nothing. And I'm like, that's odd, right?

• 49:38Speaker 00

  Wait, so when you're on the elevator and he makes that noise, are you go, like, that's not a normal breath?

• 49:43Speaker 03

  I went, odd. I was like, I wasn't really. And then I push him off and the daughter's there. And she goes like, my father's not breathing. And she starts screaming.

• 49:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god.

• 49:52Speaker 03

  Oh, what? And then the.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  He said, give me all your money.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  But he was full DNR. So it was like.

• 49:58Mark Normand?

  DNR?

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Do not resuscitate. So like, they like, this is a thing where like, we're just waiting for this to happen. But then she starts screaming. The nurses come and they're like, they're not really resuscitating, but they're like, whatever. And I'm still pushing him and I grabbed his TV remote. And I like put it next to him and the nurse was like, yeah Greg, he's not gonna.

• 50:13Speaker 00

  That's so funny.

• 50:13Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 50:15Speaker 03

  Because when you put them back in the room, they'd have these TV remotes and you wanted to put it next to the old people so they could reach it.

• 50:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:21Speaker 03

  And so they're literally like screaming and I'm just like, still doing that job.

• 50:23Speaker 00

  That was your coins on his eyes?

• 50:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:26Speaker 00

  That was you putting his remote next to him, you go, give him an honorable death.

• 50:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I watched his soul come out of his mouth on the elevator with me and it was like my first day on the job.

• 50:35Speaker 00

  How many people total do you think you've seen die?

• 50:38Speaker 03

  No, a lot. I mean, I've seen dead bodies. I've seen them a lot.

• 50:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, but like watching.

• 50:41Speaker 03

  Watching them die. I held a bunch of people's hands as they died.

• 50:44Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 50:44Speaker 03

  That was a thing that would happen a lot.

• 50:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:46Sam Morril?

  That wasn't in the hospital. He was a fucking serial killer.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, usually.

• 50:50Speaker 00

  He just breaks in and he goes, I feel like it's time.

• 50:53Sam Morril?

  I saw a person die once in the city. I, uh, an old lady, I was walking to the bus stop as a kid and an old lady jumped out of a building and splat.

• 51:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, what?

• 51:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 51:03Speaker 03

  That's like too dramatic.

• 51:04Speaker 00

  How old were you?

• 51:05Sam Morril?

  Sixth grade.

• 51:06Speaker 00

  Eleven?

• 51:07Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 51:08Sam Morril?

  Twelve, yeah. Yeah.

• 51:10Speaker 00

  Did it get on you?

• 51:11Sam Morril?

  No, it's not messy. I mean, it's not, I mean, this is graphic as fuck.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  Is it just like a clunk?

• 51:17Sam Morril?

  Um.

• 51:17Mark Normand?

  Or a splat?

• 51:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's a hard sound, obviously.

• 51:20Speaker 00

  Like dropping a grocery bag? You know when you drop a grocery bag and it goes like boom?

• 51:24Sam Morril?

  You just think your mind protects you. So you think it's, you're like, oh, this isn't real.

• 51:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:29Sam Morril?

  You're like this, I'm on some movie set.

• 51:31Speaker 00

  That's what you see in your mind.

• 51:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, but, uh, not a lot of blood, wasn't instantly dead.

• 51:37Mark Normand?

  No splat.

• 51:37Speaker 00

  She wasn't instantly dead?

• 51:38Sam Morril?

  No, she was like mumbling.

• 51:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's the worst.

• 51:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was rough.

• 51:44Speaker 00

  Fuck, and did you go to, and you just went to school?

• 51:47Sam Morril?

  No, I was leaving school.

• 51:48Speaker 00

  Oh, well, come on, kill yourself at the beginning of the day.

• 51:51Sam Morril?

  It's also crazy to do it like, to jump onto a crowded street.

• 51:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, she could have killed you.

• 51:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and that.

• 51:56Speaker 00

  Where did she land? Sidewalk or street?

• 51:58Sam Morril?

  Sidewalk.

• 51:59Mark Normand?

  Woo.

• 52:00Sam Morril?

  I mean, either way is bad, right?

• 52:01Speaker 00

  Sure, but I mean, but I mean, street, I mean, I don't mean this in like a cruel way, but like.

• 52:07Speaker 00

  Streets less invasive.

• 52:09Mark Normand?

  All the cars stop.

• 52:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:10Mark Normand?

  No.

• 52:11Speaker 00

  Sidewalk can literally hit you and get on you.

• 52:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was, uh, it was weird. I remember, uh. Yeah, remember like, she said something like, um, like mumbled cold and someone went in the store and got a blanket for her. Fucking horrible.

• 52:24Mark Normand?

  Anyone else hard?

• 52:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:26Mark Normand?

  Jesus, this is great. Was there a pink mist?

• 52:28Speaker 00

  I mean, you just go home and your mom's like, how was your day?

• 52:31Sam Morril?

  My parents weren't home and I remember I called a friend to like tell them what happened and his mom was one of those like chatty moms. Okay, I made it myself. And she was like, and she told like a 10 minute story. She's like, by the way, oh, he, he's not here right now. And, uh, and I was like, oh, all right. So I just listened to her tell like a 10 minute story.

• 52:47Speaker 00

  While you're holding on to this?

• 52:48Sam Morril?

  She was one of those like lonely moms.

• 52:50Speaker 00

  So I'm at Dag- she's like, I'm at Dagostino's and they don't have the chicken and I'm one of the.

• 52:54Sam Morril?

  That's really what happened.

• 52:55Speaker 00

  And young Sam is like.

• 52:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:58Mark Normand?

  Wow, you're a good man.

• 52:59Speaker 00

  Dude, that's dramatic.

• 53:00Sam Morril?

  It was fucking weird.

• 53:01Mark Normand?

  She was old, you say?

• 53:02Sam Morril?

  She was old.

• 53:03Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 53:04Speaker 00

  Did you find out any info in the paper after? Like, were you curious?

• 53:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I didn't really, I mean, that's how fucked up New York is. I don't, I don't remember seeing it on the news or anything.

• 53:12Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 53:13Sam Morril?

  I remember being like, like looking for something on the local news and it's like.

• 53:15Mark Normand?

  How old?

• 53:17Sam Morril?

  I was like 12 probably, but you, you want, watch the local news. There's so much fucked up shit that happens every day.

• 53:23Speaker 00

  Also, it's New York and this was in the late, mid 90s, late 90s. So you're, it's not as clean. It's not, it's like getting Disney fine, but New York's still a tough city.

• 53:34Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 53:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's, that was a fucking weird, that's when we were like, you look up more.

• 53:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:39Sam Morril?

  You know, you're like.

• 53:40Speaker 00

  Well, you know what's, so, uh, when we were, when we were doing the bonfire, um, around Christmas Rockefeller Center gets like crazy.

• 53:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 53:48Speaker 00

  It just gets like uncomfortable to try to get there to like do a show. And I would always ride the N train because I was in Queens and I got off the N train and the whole street to Sirius was shut down. And I was like, what the fuck happened? Like 15 minutes before a woman was walking like same sidewalk on 49th to go to Sirius. And a corner of the building came off and fucking crushed her head. Like down on the sidewalk. She like stopped to buy an umbrella and a piece came down and fucking killed.

• 54:16Speaker 03

  Someone I know that happened to their, who the fuck is it? Is it comic that happened to their like relative and they got him? I wonder if it's the same fucking person and they got like rich or something off.

• 54:26Speaker 00

  Ah, I don't, I don't know. This happened in like 2017 or 18, right there. And it was like, oh shit, like we like saw it up, but because of the internet now. We like looked it up and they were like, she worked in our building and she was like literally going to buy an umbrella or something. And it like fucking.

• 54:41Mark Normand?

  That's worse.

• 54:42Speaker 00

  I think they might've been sued because that building was in trouble. Cause they were like, you should have been updating it.

• 54:47Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 54:48Sam Morril?

  They call it section 11 drilling, when, when there's like a loose brick or something.

• 54:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:52Sam Morril?

  And it's annoying as fuck when they're doing it in your building, but like you gotta do it. These are all buildings, you gotta make sure the bricks don't.

• 54:57Mark Normand?

  The irony of buying an umbrella.

• 54:58Speaker 00

  I know.

• 54:59Mark Normand?

  Too, it's crazy. It's like a wily coyote thing.

• 55:01Speaker 00

  She like put the help sign up. She like, like the shadows growing. And she was like, dude, if you die in a wily coyote actual.

• 55:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, a piano, come on.

• 55:10Speaker 00

  But that's gotta wonder, you wonder how long until her family said that? Like one cousin had that joke and he's waiting and he goes.

• 55:15Mark Normand?

  Was it, was it an anvil?

• 55:18Speaker 00

  It say acne on it?

• 55:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:19Sam Morril?

  You hold, you hold up a sign, this stinks.

• 55:23Speaker 00

  You go, that, how traumatic that is for that person? Watch out. And they go.

• 55:28Mark Normand?

  The guy next to goes.

• 55:32Speaker 03

  My wife and I, when we come back from the creek, we're, we get off the seven and you had to go to the seven. You had to go to, what was it?

• 55:38Speaker 00

  Queensborough Plaza.

• 55:38Speaker 03

  Queensborough Plaza, right? Me and my wife, but my girlfriend at the time, I looked down, I'm like, is that blood? And there was blood, we followed blood from the seven, uh, down the street, all the way up the steps to where the, the end train is. And then there's just a guy laying there and I'm like, what the fuck? And as we're like, like I couldn't even, before we could do anything, these EMTs run, grab him, put him on the stretcher. Find out like the next day, he was the Craigslist killer. The guy who, and the reason he was bleeding is because when he stabbed someone, it didn't have like a sheath or whatever. Cut his, it's like a common injury, I guess, for people who stab people. It like sliced up his hand.

• 56:13Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 56:14Speaker 03

  He lost blood, passed out and they found him at the fucking end train or Queensborough Plaza.

• 56:19Mark Normand?

  The killer.

• 56:20Speaker 03

  Where, the killer, he was the killer.

• 56:21Mark Normand?

  Whoa, that's the guy?

• 56:24Speaker 03

  I don't remember his face, but he's laying down. I don't know if he.

• 56:26Speaker 00

  Why was he laying down? Did someone kill him?

• 56:28Sam Morril?

  So he, we watched the blood. I think he lost blood and passed out or something. Um, and these EMTs came up and yeah, we followed literally a trail of blood.

• 56:37Speaker 00

  It's like that, um, remember that Patrice joke about, uh, someone, uh, jumping in front of a train? And when you live in New York long enough, you go like, alright, man, hit the head off the tracks.

• 56:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I got dinner to get to.

• 56:49Speaker 00

  I gotta fucking get somewhere.

• 56:51Mark Normand?

  Damn. Now I heard, this can, you might have to give this a goog there, Petey. But I heard that the reason they're scaffolding is because a piece of a building fell off and hit a lady. And so now there's a law that you have to upkeep your building every five years. And that's why there's scaffolding all over the city.

• 57:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, that would make sense. I mean, it is, this, we are in a city of giant buildings and like Sam was saying, one fucking loose brick.

• 57:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:13Sam Morril?

  My dad had like a protege he worked, he worked with and she died that way.

• 57:17Speaker 00

  Really?

• 57:18Sam Morril?

  A loose, a loose brick fell on her head. People die that way. It's crazy.

• 57:22Mark Normand?

  It's like Home Alone Two.

• 57:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, you got wet banded it.

• 57:25Mark Normand?

  Yes, there it is.

• 57:27Speaker 00

  Scaffolding officially called sidewalk sheds.

• 57:32Sam Morril?

  You're fucking, one day you're walking next to your, you know, it's wild.

• 57:34Mark Normand?

  Now I bet the, uh, ACs kill some people too, by the way.

• 57:38Speaker 00

  By the way, I was always very nervous.

• 57:39Sam Morril?

  Oh, me too. I, I put a few of those in myself. I'm like, this could be a problem.

• 57:43Speaker 00

  There was a girl I hooked up with one time and she was like, hey, you're, could you help? It was like just the beginning of summer. She's like, could you put my AC in? And I was like, I'm hammered. And she was like, yeah. And I was like, you're also on the third floor. She was like, yeah. I was like, okay, but check it tomorrow.

• 57:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Oh, I was putting in like fucking cardboard around. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck to do.

• 58:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

• 58:01Speaker 00

  This thing ain't going nowhere.

• 58:03Sam Morril?

  There's duct tape. It doesn't look good.

• 58:04Mark Normand?

  The sides are open.

• 58:05Sam Morril?

  My sheet was a fucking shower curtain. My, uh, my windows, whatever.

• 58:09Speaker 00

  The pressure of the window and they're like, this is gonna hold?

• 58:12Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 58:13Speaker 03

  Legally, in New York, you're not supposed to. The landlord is supposed to do it for you.

• 58:16Mark Normand?

  They never do.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  They never do. But like, if, mess on them, sue those motherfuckers.

• 58:20Sam Morril?

  There was a guy, I, I had a fucking, uh, super in my old building, fucking hated me. He's just like one of those who just decided he hated me.

• 58:26Speaker 00

  Oh, that's fun.

• 58:27Sam Morril?

  And he hated everyone in the building, but he'd be nice to the women. I noticed, but every dude.

• 58:31Speaker 00

  He's a perv.

• 58:31Sam Morril?

  But he, but he would come and like the toilet would be fucking, I'd be like, I think the toilet's fucked up. And he'd be like, He'd be like so fucking mad and I'd be like, I'd like try to tip him at the end. He'd be like, no. I'm like, she gets to stay mad at me.

• 58:42Speaker 00

  So don't be, yeah. Well, you also go, don't be a dick. Cause I'm trying to, I'm trying to pave that.

• 58:46Sam Morril?

  And I'm also like, the fucking pipes are fucked up. What do you want?

• 58:49Speaker 00

  We had Vecchione and I as landlord, you know, we lived there for like, I lived there for like 14 years. I lived with Vecchione for 10 years. He would never fix anything. He would never fix anything. There was a problem in our kitchen where one of our boards was warped. She wouldn't fix it. We had mold in our shower. We just had to put a garbage bag over it. And then we had these two really hot girls that lived on the third floor. It was a three floor building. And like our roommate was banging one of them, our other roommate. And we just like, just talking to the girls or whatever. And we're like, yeah, fucking Anthony, right? She was like, he's great. And I was like, what do you mean? And she goes, my refrigerator broke and he had a new one within like an hour. And I was like, what? And I found out that he would do, he would like rush to the building.

• 59:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 59:28Speaker 00

  So I told her, I was like, next time you're getting something done, text me. And then I just waited and he came down the stairs and I was like, Anthony, there it is. He got some mold in the shower. And he was like, son of a bitch. I caught him and he's like, all right, Dan, let me take a walk. And you're like, come on in, buddy.

• 59:45Sam Morril?

  Whenever women are like, he's such a sweetheart. I'm like, do you?

• 59:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:48Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 59:49Speaker 00

  This is an individual relationship.

• 59:51Sam Morril?

  I'm a swarthy, uh, different looking dude.

• 59:53Mark Normand?

  Monica Looney's like, Bill's nice. What are you guys talking about?

• 59:56Speaker 00

  Oh my God, the president's so cool.

• 59:58Mark Normand?

  He's so sweet.

• 59:59Speaker 00

  You get to hang out with him.

• 1:00:00Mark Normand?

  He gave me a cigar.

• 1:00:01Speaker 00

  I will say though, that is one of the coolest moves of all time is getting a blowjob while you're on the phone with the senate.

• 1:00:07Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:00:09Speaker 00

  Bill Clinton just gets sucked and he's like, oh.

• 1:00:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I thought at first I was like, he said it like we all done it. And I was like, oh, oh no, I haven't done that.

• 1:00:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've never done that. But I fantasized about that, a cool phone call. Be like, ah, release the funding.

• 1:00:25Speaker 00

  And it'd be funny if the argument went well and she like felt him get soft. So she like knew, you know what I mean?

• 1:00:29Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:00:30Speaker 00

  He started getting soft when they were talking about Arafat.

• 1:00:33Mark Normand?

  A cigar in the clam is always a wild move. And how do you light it up?

• 1:00:38Sam Morril?

  It's a power move.

• 1:00:39Mark Normand?

  But yeah, totally.

• 1:00:40Sam Morril?

  Not in a good, not in a healthy way.

• 1:00:41Speaker 00

  I'll tell you right now, cigars are flaky.

• 1:00:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:44Speaker 00

  A lot of stuff to flake off in the puss.

• 1:00:46Mark Normand?

  I agree. Gotta get that tabacky out of there.

• 1:00:49Speaker 00

  I bet the smell, like old boots.

• 1:00:53Sam Morril?

  It also feels like wasteful of a cigar. Like, you know Castro wouldn't do that.

• 1:00:56Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:00:57Speaker 00

  Castro, that's why he hated us.

• 1:00:58Sam Morril?

  He'd respect a good cigar.

• 1:00:59Speaker 00

  You go, you know, we were making headway with Cuba. And then they found out.

• 1:01:03Mark Normand?

  Headway.

• 1:01:04Speaker 00

  He put it where?

• 1:01:06Mark Normand?

  You know, they gave Castro, this is how funny the CIA used to be. They gave Castro an exploding cigar. Come on. To try to kill him.

• 1:01:12Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:12Mark Normand?

  That's a real thing. It didn't work.

• 1:01:13Speaker 00

  Really?

• 1:01:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:14Sam Morril?

  With exploding or, it might have been poison.

• 1:01:16Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:01:16Sam Morril?

  I don't know, I actually don't.

• 1:01:17Speaker 00

  It'd say bang.

• 1:01:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right. Poison is better. It makes more sense. But the exploding's got a nice charm to it.

• 1:01:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's so fun. Well, you know, he wants a cigar.

• 1:01:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I guess it's not that crazy, but that's fun.

• 1:01:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Think about how many.

• 1:01:30Speaker 00

  Sabotaging his cigars, but they're not.

• 1:01:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit. Maybe I assumed exploding.

• 1:01:35Speaker 00

  Him with like the black face.

• 1:01:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:01:38Speaker 00

  And then the thing like shredded.

• 1:01:40Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:01:40Sam Morril?

  The Breaking Bad ending.

• 1:01:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:01:43Sam Morril?

  Gustavo.

• 1:01:43Speaker 00

  Yeah. He changes his tie. And then Castro just died of natural causes.

• 1:01:48Mark Normand?

  Ah. But he's like a cat, they couldn't kill him.

• 1:01:51Sam Morril?

  You're a dictator and you make it to 89. You did pretty well.

• 1:01:53Mark Normand?

  You're just damn good.

• 1:01:54Speaker 00

  They should just let you roll. They go like, hey.

• 1:01:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, write it out, dog.

• 1:01:57Speaker 00

  This guy, what are we gonna change him? Old dog, new tricks? The milkshake. Damn, they did like.

• 1:02:03Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:02:04Speaker 00

  Yo, they stayed trying to kill him.

• 1:02:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. What a fun job. Hey, our job is to kill this guy.

• 1:02:10Speaker 00

  This sounds like a set list, too.

• 1:02:11Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:02:12Speaker 00

  I go soft, I go shoes into the softball.

• 1:02:15Sam Morril?

  I want to be in that writer's room.

• 1:02:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Sam Morril?

  You know, we're just pitching ideas on how are we gonna get Castro? What do people like? Yeah. Milkshakes.

• 1:02:21Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:02:22Speaker 00

  Okay, okay, put it on the board.

• 1:02:23Sam Morril?

  Can we do spring shoes?

• 1:02:25Speaker 00

  You see.

• 1:02:25Sam Morril?

  Shoot him out of the room?

• 1:02:26Speaker 00

  Sam, you see a cigar with a circle around it and then other thought bubbles?

• 1:02:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Speaker 00

  How do we get it there?

• 1:02:31Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:02:32Speaker 00

  Is it exploding?

• 1:02:33Mark Normand?

  AC could fall on him.

• 1:02:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:34Mark Normand?

  We'll have a drunk guy hook up with a girl.

• 1:02:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:37Mark Normand?

  Put it in the window. Fat of molten metal. I mean, this is Quail and Coyote shit.

• 1:02:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:43Speaker 00

  End of October in seventy one.

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  The new guy just goes, I hate to say this, but anyone say a gun yet?

• 1:02:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right?

• 1:02:49Speaker 00

  Long range rifle? Guys, I know I'm not in favor right here. Sniper rifle?

• 1:02:55Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:02:56Sam Morril?

  He also survived some crazy battles, just overtaking Cuba, man.

• 1:02:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, what he did to Batista.

• 1:03:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, exactly. There was like some crazy number. There was like, I think eighty seven and they landed on twelve and they're like, well, this is fucking biblical.

• 1:03:07Speaker 00

  That's crazy.

• 1:03:08Sam Morril?

  You know? It was like him, Che and ten others. I think one of his, one or two of his brothers.

• 1:03:14Speaker 00

  That's, yeah, because he had a brother.

• 1:03:16Mark Normand?

  There it is. Exploding cigar.

• 1:03:17Speaker 03

  That's great.

• 1:03:17Sam Morril?

  You were right. You were right.

• 1:03:18Mark Normand?

  Wow, fun. I'd love, wish they exploded that.

• 1:03:21Speaker 00

  The most extreme and cartoonish.

• 1:03:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Well, they poisoned his diving suit.

• 1:03:25Speaker 00

  Here's my question. Do you think exploding cigar was first used to kill Castro or first used in a cartoon?

• 1:03:32Mark Normand?

  Ooh, I would assume cartoon, but.

• 1:03:35Speaker 00

  But the cartoon writers could hear it go, well, yeah.

• 1:03:38Sam Morril?

  Come on.

• 1:03:38Speaker 03

  They're talking to Hanna-Barbera for ideas.

• 1:03:41Speaker 00

  They go, what do you got? He goes, dinosaur ribs. It takes the car all the way on its side.

• 1:03:48Speaker 00

  He goes, alright, yeah, we can do that. We got blue sky with this.

• 1:03:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:53Speaker 03

  Have you tried chasing him off a cliff? He'll stay in the air for a while, but eventually he'll drop.

• 1:03:57Speaker 00

  He'll look down.

• 1:03:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Wow. I'm trying to think of more cartoon kills.

• 1:04:02Speaker 03

  Have they ever killed anybody with an exploding cigar?

• 1:04:04Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:04:05Speaker 03

  Like it's never worked? Because if it doesn't work on Castro, it's like, maybe get some little mob guys with it, you know?

• 1:04:09Speaker 00

  Also, maybe try the bit out.

• 1:04:10Speaker 03

  Right, yeah, right.

• 1:04:11Speaker 00

  Take out some like foot soldiers with an exploding cigar.

• 1:04:14Mark Normand?

  Right. Damn.

• 1:04:16Speaker 00

  Oh, now it's like, it all goes back to Kaczynski trying to flirt.

• 1:04:20Mark Normand?

  Nah, I think they had it in the writers' room and they're like, oh, we'll just shoot him. Fucking hack over there, dude.

• 1:04:24Speaker 03

  Have you tried the cigar? It's called TNT.

• 1:04:26Speaker 00

  And he goes, oh.

• 1:04:28Speaker 00

  He goes, I've never tried one of these.

• 1:04:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's so funny.

• 1:04:33Speaker 00

  And Mad TV, I mean Mad Magazine on the cover.

• 1:04:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, there it is. See, that's exactly what he said. The black smoke with the pop cigar. That's a good time.

• 1:04:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, zoom in on that cover. That's crazy.

• 1:04:43Mark Normand?

  Mad was the shit.

• 1:04:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, dude, I used to love it.

• 1:04:45Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 1:04:46Speaker 00

  A parody of shit.

• 1:04:47Sam Morril?

  The folding?

• 1:04:48Mark Normand?

  The folding is great.

• 1:04:49Speaker 00

  One, I finally learned how to do it.

• 1:04:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:51Speaker 00

  It was more satisfying than learning how to tie my shoes.

• 1:04:53Mark Normand?

  I used to go to like the little bodega in my neighborhood and I would try to fold it and the guy would go, oh, you gotta buy it. You can't fold it. You gotta buy it.

• 1:04:59Speaker 00

  Oh, no, no.

• 1:05:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he didn't let me.

• 1:05:01Speaker 00

  If you found a Mad already folded, you're like, fuck this.

• 1:05:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was like a highlights with everything circled.

• 1:05:05Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:05:06Sam Morril?

  Like a used condom.

• 1:05:07Speaker 00

  That really is, dude, that's so funny. A circled highlights really was like finding a used condom.

• 1:05:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was fucked up.

• 1:05:13Speaker 00

  Gross. Who would do this?

• 1:05:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:16Speaker 00

  Do you remember finding your first used condom?

• 1:05:18Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:05:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:19Speaker 00

  I remember finding one down by like a creek that we used to smoke cigarettes at.

• 1:05:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:23Speaker 00

  And the reason I knew it was used, because you were like, it's like, I poked it with a stick, but it was like, even through the stick, you saw the way that the rubber moved.

• 1:05:31Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:05:32Speaker 00

  Oh, there's stuff in there.

• 1:05:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. I still have the one.

• 1:05:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, pull it out. I found this one.

• 1:05:38Sam Morril?

  Russman Eve used to have that great joke about the condom and the used condom in the streets. Like, who is this guy? Responsible enough to use a condom?

• 1:05:45Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:05:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:46Sam Morril?

  Put it, do it in the street.

• 1:05:47Speaker 00

  Nah. Oh, yeah. He goes, homeless people, he goes, we're gonna do it doggy style.

• 1:05:51Sam Morril?

  Straight doggy style.

• 1:05:52Speaker 00

  Straight doggy style.

• 1:05:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, haha. He was funny.

• 1:05:56Speaker 00

  Could rock a V-neck like a son of a bitch.

• 1:05:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's a handsome mofo.

• 1:06:00Speaker 00

  Whenever a man can rock a V-neck, I'm always like, good for you.

• 1:06:03Sam Morril?

  A little hairy.

• 1:06:04Mark Normand?

  This is even too close for me.

• 1:06:05Speaker 00

  You, you could though, because you got good hair.

• 1:06:07Mark Normand?

  You got good chest hair.

• 1:06:09Speaker 00

  No, when you dressed up like Bret Hart, you had like good chest hair.

• 1:06:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. That's true.

• 1:06:14Speaker 00

  You know what I mean? You got that fucking, I got like, uh, white trash wispy.

• 1:06:18Mark Normand?

  Let's.

• 1:06:19Sam Morril?

  Your wispy under it?

• 1:06:20Speaker 00

  It's not good.

• 1:06:20Mark Normand?

  Baldwin's a fucking bear rug.

• 1:06:22Speaker 00

  Look at him.

• 1:06:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:23Mark Normand?

  Holy.

• 1:06:23Speaker 00

  So you get eight kids with a yoga instructor. That's too deep.

• 1:06:27Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 1:06:27Speaker 00

  It's cleavage.

• 1:06:28Mark Normand?

  That's a U.

• 1:06:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Who is that?

• 1:06:30Mark Normand?

  Jude Law.

• 1:06:31Sam Morril?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:06:32Speaker 00

  Do you remember when they made fun of, when Chris Rock made fun of him and then Sean Penn?

• 1:06:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was super gay.

• 1:06:37Sam Morril?

  He's one of our finest American actors.

• 1:06:39Speaker 00

  I hated that.

• 1:06:39Mark Normand?

  He's a comedian, you.

• 1:06:41Speaker 00

  Get Jude Law.

• 1:06:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:43Speaker 00

  Can't get him? Get Jude Law.

• 1:06:47Speaker 00

  I think Jude Law is one of America's finest, yeah, and then they're all like.

• 1:06:52Mark Normand?

  Go back to Katrina with your shotgun.

• 1:06:54Speaker 00

  Shut up. Go interview a cartel leader.

• 1:06:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. Man, Baldwin was a, was a hunk.

• 1:07:00Speaker 00

  Oh, dude.

• 1:07:02Mark Normand?

  I could, I could use some chest hair. I got nothing. I got the nipples.

• 1:07:04Sam Morril?

  I, I would thought you, I thought you shaved it for a while.

• 1:07:07Mark Normand?

  No, no, I'm like an Asian boy.

• 1:07:08Speaker 00

  When did your, when did you get chest hair? Were you like a teenager or in your thirties?

• 1:07:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, you get that, you start with the happy trail.

• 1:07:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I got that.

• 1:07:15Speaker 00

  That's first.

• 1:07:16Sam Morril?

  And then I remember dating a girl in college who was like, you should shave, it's like really gross, you should shave your chest. And she talked me into it and I did it. And I was like, I, I have no respect for myself.

• 1:07:24Speaker 00

  Oh my god, you see yourself, you know, I've never seen a dog when they get a haircut too short. That's the energy you walk around with.

• 1:07:30Sam Morril?

  Also against the will.

• 1:07:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, same, same at the cone.

• 1:07:33Speaker 00

  Yeah. One time I was high in my apartment and I was like, maybe tw- I was living here. So I was like, maybe like 24 or 25 and I was like, shave my chest off. And I did, I just shaved this part off and I was like, you look ridiculous.

• 1:07:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:47Speaker 00

  And it's all itchy for the longest where you're just like walking around.

• 1:07:50Sam Morril?

  That's your punishment for doing it. I, I hated myself. I was like, ugh.

• 1:07:53Speaker 00

  But that's why I see, you know, as a fan of pro wrestling, sometimes, like there's a picture of Hulk Hogan in the seventies with chest hair.

• 1:07:59Sam Morril?

  Oh shit.

• 1:08:00Speaker 00

  Oh, he should have rocked that. But then in the eighties, everyone was just, yeah, there you go.

• 1:08:04Mark Normand?

  Oh weird.

• 1:08:05Speaker 03

  It's such a weird penis roof.

• 1:08:06Mark Normand?

  I know, right?

• 1:08:07Speaker 00

  You can tell that he's so hairy, he, he like puts it into something.

• 1:08:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's like the back of a crab. You know that part you pull up?

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:15Sam Morril?

  Are they going with a razor or are they 40 year old virgin getting it waxed?

• 1:08:21Mark Normand?

  Ooh, good question.

• 1:08:22Speaker 00

  Probably, I think sort of like a mixed bag. I wouldn't be surprised. I think a lot of these guys, bodybuilders do it with razors.

• 1:08:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:29Speaker 00

  Cause they have to be, it has to be right then and there.

• 1:08:32Mark Normand?

  You know the, um, Steve Carell?

• 1:08:35Speaker 00

  Oh yeah.

• 1:08:35Mark Normand?

  That was real. He was like, just do it. That's why there's blood on it.

• 1:08:38Speaker 03

  Funny.

• 1:08:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, the nipple one.

• 1:08:40Speaker 00

  Oh, that one is, his nipples are so small too.

• 1:08:42Sam Morril?

  Are they?

• 1:08:43Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 1:08:43Speaker 00

  When he does it, you go, look how tiny his nipples are.

• 1:08:46Mark Normand?

  Alright, I have to be on a train in Penn Station at 5:16. What are my odds?

• 1:08:53Speaker 00

  What are you, where are you going?

• 1:08:54Sam Morril?

  What do you, why would you do this?

• 1:08:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:55Sam Morril?

  No, why do you, you always do this?

• 1:08:57Mark Normand?

  Well, I figured I could make it.

• 1:09:00Speaker 00

  Look at, look at his nipples.

• 1:09:01Sam Morril?

  In 19 minutes. So you want to just stop the episode now, you're saying?

• 1:09:04Mark Normand?

  No, we can keep going, but I could get a city bike. Just throwing it out there.

• 1:09:08Speaker 00

  Wait, where are you, you're going to Penn Station?

• 1:09:09Sam Morril?

  Is this maybe a thing that you might want to tell me before we record?

• 1:09:11Mark Normand?

  I feel sad, you're right, you're right.

• 1:09:13Sam Morril?

  This is my life story with this one.

• 1:09:14Speaker 00

  I kind of, I do kind of like him improv-ing and leaving. Going, guys, here's the deal.

• 1:09:19Mark Normand?

  I thought we'd be done.

• 1:09:20Sam Morril?

  Mark, Mark and I had a dinner. He's like, I do have to get out of here in, uh, three seconds.

• 1:09:25Speaker 00

  Estes, we're gonna walk in and. Go to Gregstone.com?

• 1:09:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:32Speaker 00

  I am on the, uh, the Golden Retriever of Comedy Tour. September 25th in LA is when it kicks off, but it goes through the end of the year. We're gonna be announcing the back half, uh, for 2026 soon. Please come and see the show. It's very fun.

• 1:09:50Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah. Anything else you want to plug? We can get them, go to the, go to the website.

• 1:09:53Speaker 00

  Go to my, subscribe to my YouTube and go to Dan's.

• 1:09:57Sam Morril?

  When is this happening?

• 1:09:58Mark Normand?

  Great podcast.

• 1:09:59Sam Morril?

  Barcelona, Milan, Dublin, Liverpool, London, Paris.

• 1:10:03Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 1:10:04Sam Morril?

  Amsterdam, Berlin, back to Wise Guys for a second time. I love it.

• 1:10:09Speaker 00

  I love Wise Guys so much.

• 1:10:11Sam Morril?

  Reno, Nevada, the 29th, Carnegie Hall, December 4th.

• 1:10:15Speaker 00

  I love that.

• 1:10:16Mark Normand?

  Look at that.

• 1:10:17Sam Morril?

  Bunchup.live, Flash Samara.

• 1:10:18Speaker 00

  Carnegie Hall, how fucking pumped are you?

• 1:10:21Sam Morril?

  I'll be pumped when it sells out.

• 1:10:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I hear that.

• 1:10:23Speaker 00

  But you're not doing it with the festival, right? You're just doing it on?

• 1:10:25Sam Morril?

  I can't do that shit anymore.

• 1:10:26Mark Normand?

  Don't give it to them. Do it on your own.

• 1:10:28Speaker 00

  Do it on your own. I love that.

• 1:10:29Sam Morril?

  I'm, I'm a big fan of that.

• 1:10:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:31Speaker 00

  You're competing with 40 fucking friends.

• 1:10:32Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:10:33Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:10:34Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 1:10:34Speaker 00

  Doesn't make sense. Go see him at Carnegie. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to that show, dude.

• 1:10:36Mark Normand?

  Hey, hell yeah. It's a, it's a beautiful room.

• 1:10:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:39Mark Normand?

  All right. I'll be in Helsinki, Stockholm, Dublin, Valley Center, uh, which I don't know where that is. Uh, going back to Magoob's, gotta write a new hour. Kodak in Rochester, Washington DC, Niagara Falls, San Diego. And yeah, all right. Markdomcomedy.com. Buy some Bodega Cat. Check out Greg. What do you, what do you got?

• 1:11:00Sam Morril?

  My podcast. Welcome to Talk to.

• 1:11:01Mark Normand?

  There you go. Check out the podcast. It's hilarious.

• 1:11:04Speaker 00

  Handsome dude.

• 1:11:05Mark Normand?

  Looking good. Hey, with, uh, Libby and DeVito. Nothing wrong with that. Funny people. All right. Thank you, folks. Thanks, boys. I got a train to catch.

• 1:11:14Sam Morril?

  You're not making that.

• 1:11:15Mark Normand?

  Choo choo.

• 1:11:16Sam Morril?

  That's crazy.

• 1:11:16Mark Normand?

  I'm gonna text you from the train.

• 1:12:04Speaker 04

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