Ep 238: Kumail Nanjiani

The great Kumail Nanjiani joins Mark and Sam for a hilarious deep dive into comedy origins, Hollywood madness, and unforgettable bombs. They swap war stories from the NYC and Chicago stand-up scenes, break down the art of the riff, and relive Kumail’s wildest onstage disaster (hint: swastika tattoos don’t land at Holocaust benefits). Plus, Kumail shares how he transformed for Eternals, his love of so-bad-they’re-good movies like Zardoz, and why big burgers are ruining America. This one’s packed with killer bits, movie wrecks, and peeves about bathrooms, plane boarders, and overloaded Bloody Marys. Support the show and start your free online Hims visit today at https://www.hims.com/DRUNK Support the show and get 30% off your first Cornbread Hemp order. Use code DRUNKS at https://www.cornbreadhemp.com/DRUNKS 🎧 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD 🛒 Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ 🎬 Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets ⸻ 🎙️ Check out That Sounds Right — the comedy panel show hosted by the producer of WMBD: https://www.youtube.com/@thatsoundsrightshow Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #KumailNanjiani #MarkNormand #SamMorril #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey #Hims #CornbreadHemp Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Hey, we might be drunk. We're here with Kumail Nanjiani, my old pal.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  Old buddies, my god. We did open mics together in New York, 2007.

• 0:15Mark Normand?

  We did every alt-room, from here to Queens, Long Island City, to Manhattan, to Brooklyn.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  The day I moved to New York, I brought my truck, me and Emily, with a car hitched behind us. And then, you know, they wouldn't go over the brakes, so she took the car, I had to figure out how to do it. Nightmare, I got there, friends helped me move in. That night, I went to Kingdom of Heaven.

• 0:38Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  That night, I'm like, I cannot believe Emily let me fucking do that.

• 0:43Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  It's an open mic that Jonathan O'Donnell used to run.

• 0:46Mark Normand?

  At The Creek in the Cave.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  At The Creek in the Cave, in Queens.

• 0:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and it would be Sean Patton, Jesse Popp.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  That's where I met all these guys. I met all you guys my first day in New York.

• 0:55Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  That whole, like, New Orleans crew, you know? Like Cassidy and Chesley and everybody.

• 0:59Mark Normand?

  Well, the big news about you, or the big word on the street, because you were rising, we were all idiots and drunks and whatever, but you were like, you had a mission. You were like, I'm going for it. And I never saw you bomb. I've never seen you bomb.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  You know, I texted you recently, I was just like, I'm proud of you, all your success and all that.

• 1:16Mark Normand?

  Thank you, thank you.

• 1:17Speaker 01

  And you said, "Never saw you bomb." And I know, coming from you, that means a lot.

• 1:21Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Thank you, I like hearing that.

• 1:23Mark Normand?

  Because I was at every shit show, every outhouse, townhouse, backhouse.

• 1:26Sam Morril?

  I can't picture you, but, I mean, I remember doing a lot of those shows with you. And yeah, you always seemed to have a hot set.

• 1:31Mark Normand?

  Always.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  Well, the advantage I had over all you guys was, I was five years in by the time I got here. So I was doing it five years in Chicago. And when I got here, like, The Creek in the Cave, that first set, which I thought, you know, was great, was like, five years of material in five minutes.

• 1:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, I was like, this guy's a natural, he wrote that today.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  So, so my first couple months in, you know, you burned through it, but my first couple months in New York, all the open mics, you guys were trying new shit.

• 1:58Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  I was doing shit that I'd done in Chicago.

• 2:01Mark Normand?

  Now you tell me, what are you, Twitter? I just thought you were this natural.

• 2:05Speaker 01

  Uh, but, I will say that as soon as I moved to New York, my stand-up writing completely changed.

• 2:10Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  And my stand-up style completely changed. New York completely changed.

• 2:13Sam Morril?

  I would've changed it.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  It became a lot more conversational, became like longer jokes and Chicago's definitely set up punch. I moved to New York and doing the alt rooms in New York, UCB, you had to hide your punchlines.

• 2:25Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  It couldn't sound like you were doing standup.

• 2:27Mark Normand?

  Yes, totally.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Like, it had to feel like you were just kinda like talking and then every now and then they would laugh.

• 2:33Mark Normand?

  You're doing your immaterial like, what else?

• 2:35Speaker 01

  Exactly, exactly.

• 2:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the Garofalo effect.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. So you had to really, really like downplay it. So it changed my writing style. I was like, oh, it can't be that setup punchy anymore. It's gonna be like, you know, under the surface a little bit.

• 2:47Mark Normand?

  Yes, and you gave me the advice, you go, always do a riff up top, no matter what. If it's the best riff, the word, just do a riff up top because it shows you're in the room.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 2:56Mark Normand?

  It's great.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  It really works. It really works. It makes you comfortable. It makes you feel like, oh, I fucking did that. And more often than not, you're gonna stumble on something.

• 3:05Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, cuz then, and then you're like, oh wow, I did that well with shit I hadn't even written.

• 3:10Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Wait till I get to the stuff I haven't even worked on.

• 3:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, and it was an exercise.

• 3:14Sam Morril?

  It's still like, you owe, even to this day, like you do a regular cellar set. You're like, if I can get a riff off the last comic.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:21Sam Morril?

  I get a, I, there's a-

• 3:22Mark Normand?

  You get a boost.

• 3:22Sam Morril?

  The lesbian comic before me and she walked by me and touched my arm and I'm like, I know she's a lesbian, but I flexed when she touched my arm.

• 3:28Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 3:29Sam Morril?

  Big pop and I was like, I'm in.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  Alright, I'm in, alright baby.

• 3:32Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 3:32Sam Morril?

  Heard her laugh in the room and I was like, got it.

• 3:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that helps, that helps. But yeah, those were, those were fun times cuz it didn't matter as much. It was all for the love of the, it wasn't like we were chasing a clip. It was just like, give me a good bit.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  I, I wonder how much New York has changed because I will say, you know, when I shoot here, I go up here, I go up at the cellar. I never, never used to go up at the cellar when I lived here. Now whenever I'm here, I go up at the cellar. If you're gonna do standup, New York is so much better than LA that it's not even the same fucking country. It's so different because here, you know, I've seen you go up a bunch here, people are just always writing, uh, doing new stuff. It's about the standup. I don't know how the clip thing has changed it. LA, you'll see the same dudes doing the same set five, six years in a row.

• 4:17Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  You know, cuz they're not there to really, there's funny comedians, but New York is different.

• 4:22Sam Morril?

  I'd have to become a full-fledged alcoholic. If I was doing the same act, I would, I would hate, I would hate going up.

• 4:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:28Sam Morril?

  If I was doing the same act for five years, I think I'd be like, what, what's, it's not, it's not fun.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Still my most recurring nightmare, even though I didn't do standup for so many years and I started up again. My most recurring nightmare is I have a show and I don't have any material that I want to do. That I'm excited about. It's still the nightmare that I have most of.

• 4:47Mark Normand?

  Well, the new idea, I mean, look, killing is fun, but a new idea, starting to work, there's nothing better. That's the real dopamine.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  It's the most exciting. You're like, I remember, you know, doing 50 first jokes.

• 4:58Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Doing that. I remember doing a bit there for the first time and being like, wow, I have a new bit and it's fucking great.

• 5:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Gavin has five kids. He is famous for saying, I got five kids, but a new idea is my favorite thing in the world.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:14Mark Normand?

  I totally get it.

• 5:15Sam Morril?

  I was gonna say, I love his bit where he's like, I have five kids, and if you want to know what that's like, it's like you're drowning and someone hands you another kid.

• 5:22Mark Normand?

  Ah, it's a great joke.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  That's one of his lines?

• 5:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  He's so funny.

• 5:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's a beast.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  He's also to hang out with, like, a lot cattier than you think he's gonna be. It's constantly roasting, like, he's so funny and just cutting, you're like going at everybody. He's so good.

• 5:38Mark Normand?

  He's good. He's, he's, he's got some venom.

• 5:40Sam Morril?

  I did a thing with my, we were making-

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Which I love. I love it.

• 5:43Mark Normand?

  Me too, me too.

• 5:44Sam Morril?

  He did a bit part in this movie I was, I was making, and he didn't even read the script, and he just called me and my friend gay for like 10 minutes straight, and we were like, what the fuck is happening? But then we watched him, like, this is gold. The way he's calling us gay is good.

• 5:56Mark Normand?

  He got a clean comedian.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  He's a really good actor, too.

• 5:59Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  I saw him on Law and Order, he plays like a serial killer, and he was like, oh, this guy's like a real actor.

• 6:04Sam Morril?

  Dude, they recycled him. He's on like three, he's like a predator, a rapist, he's like doing all-

• 6:08Speaker 01

  He's done all, yeah, all kinds of bad shit.

• 6:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. He, he wants to act. Well, you, you act now, or you always act. You're a big actor.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  When we knew, when we were hanging out back then, I was, I'd never acted. I didn't act until-

• 6:22Sam Morril?

  But did you have ambitions of acting then?

• 6:23Speaker 01

  No.

• 6:24Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Not at all. I just wanted to do stand-up.

• 6:27Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  It, it happened because I started, I wanted a writing job, you know, because like it's impossible to make money doing stand-up in New York unless you're doing like The Cellar all the time or touring. I wanted a writing job and I ended up getting a writing job on a show called Michael and Michael Have Issues. Which was uh-

• 6:42Sam Morril?

  Comedy Central?

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Comedy Central, Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter.

• 6:46Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  And me and Jesse Klein, who's an amazing writer-

• 6:48Mark Normand?

  She's hilarious.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  And stand-up, were the only two writers, and the two Michaels, four of us, they're, those guys. And they were like, um, we want you guys to be in the show. And then, uh, they wrote us parts and I had to audition five times to play myself.

• 7:03Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  And I would go to the floor where they would, uh, sometimes, you know, I'd go to the floor where they were auditioning and I'd walk by like a bunch of brown dudes, all like more handsome versions of me. Reading pages-

• 7:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  With my name on them.

• 7:18Mark Normand?

  What?

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Four lines that had written for me to say.

• 7:21Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 7:22Sam Morril?

  They're just like, "Sorry dude, we're going with Dev Patel."

• 7:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. That I even get, you know?

• 7:27Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  And then Showalter directed The Big Six, so we're still like-

• 7:31Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:32Mark Normand?

  That was a big milestone. You're like, "Holy shit, Kumail, not only is he acting, he's made a fucking movie."

• 7:37Sam Morril?

  And you got Romano in it.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Romano's the best. Romano's the best. A great dude.

• 7:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  Sweet guy, really great, so funny.

• 7:45Mark Normand?

  Still does stand-up at The Cellar, still hilarious.

• 7:48Sam Morril?

  Dude, his stuff is so solid. He's kinda, he's so famous from Raymond that he's kinda underrated now as a stand-up.

• 7:54Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  I think he's underrated across the board. I think the show, Everybody Loves Raymond is underrated. I think that's a, one of the great-

• 8:01Sam Morril?

  They did pretty well.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  It did well.

• 8:03Sam Morril?

  It's hard to call this show underrated.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  You know, they don't talk about it as like one of the great sitcoms of all time, and I think it's in that conversation. I think it's really, really good. I think, I think he's underrated as a dramatic actor. He's like a really good actor. And he's underrated as a stand-up. I remember seeing his stand-up like, you know, from before his show where he's talking about his twins and like the orange, orange juice they give you and like a little symbol.

• 8:24Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  So funny.

• 8:26Mark Normand?

  So funny.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  So good.

• 8:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 8:27Sam Morril?

  I remember him on Dr. Katz back in the day and you'd be like, "These are good fucking bits."

• 8:31Speaker 01

  That was a great show.

• 8:32Sam Morril?

  I loved Dr. Katz.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  I saw Jake Johansson on there.

• 8:35Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 8:35Speaker 01

  He was like, Jake Johansson was like, my god.

• 8:38Mark Normand?

  Was he your guy?

• 8:39Speaker 01

  He was my guy.

• 8:39Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Jake Johansson was my guy.

• 8:41Sam Morril?

  Fifty Letterman's or something crazy?

• 8:42Mark Normand?

  Something like that, yeah.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  All killer sets.

• 8:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  His HBO special from like 93 called This'll Take About An Hour. Great title for a special.

• 8:51Mark Normand?

  Ah, that is great.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  Is one of my favorite specials.

• 8:54Mark Normand?

  I gotta rewa- I saw that years ago, but I gotta rewatch it, cause.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Really, really, really good.

• 8:59Sam Morril?

  Letterman set back in the day.

• 9:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:00Sam Morril?

  When he did the Cyclone bit, I remember that. That was a hot set, man.

• 9:05Mark Normand?

  Cyclone, heroin, the cake bit. I remember all your bits.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  All those bits were.

• 9:09Sam Morril?

  Heroin was a big bit.

• 9:10Mark Normand?

  That was a big one.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  Heroin was the first one here that, you know, sort of like, that's how my writing changed. So like heroin, Cyclone, we're saying all these as if everybody knows what these fucking bits are. But like, I was started doing these. I started doing these longer bits and I started that all of those I wrote like my first few months in New York. Even though it was so stressful being in New York, having no money, I was the most like, the most I ever wrote, the most like.

• 9:36Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 9:37Speaker 01

  Creatively engaged.

• 9:38Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  It was great. Like, you know, we were out every night.

• 9:41Mark Normand?

  Every night.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Every night.

• 9:42Mark Normand?

  And then you showcase, the comics were the audience a lot of times. So when you had a real audience, you could really kill it. Cause we were running with weights on constantly. Then you go to Cabin.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:51Mark Normand?

  You got to showcase.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  In front of 23 playing.

• 9:54Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 9:54Speaker 01

  Paying people.

• 9:55Mark Normand?

  Yes, not paying.

• 9:56Sam Morril?

  Not even paying.

• 9:57Mark Normand?

  Not paying.

• 9:58Sam Morril?

  They were just there.

• 9:59Mark Normand?

  That was that tiny room. But you remember seeing Jesselix coming by, Kumail, Hannibal, all this gaffigan. Oh shit.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  I remember Jesse Eisenberg would come watch it sometimes.

• 10:08Mark Normand?

  Whoa, I didn't know that.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, Jesse Eisenberg is a big stand-up fan. We don't have to watch this, please.

• 10:14Sam Morril?

  I just want to.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  No, no, no, this is not a good performance of it. Find another one. I'll tell you where. It's Letterman, you know, it's not gonna be.

• 10:21Mark Normand?

  What year? What year are we talking here?

• 10:23Speaker 01

  Uh, if I had to guess, what is this, 2002? 2000?

• 10:28Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  I thought it was right before his show got canceled.

• 10:31Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  So that, that one was an interesting story because that, there was.

• 10:38Sam Morril?

  He made it to like 2015, didn't he? He had a window.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  There, oh, did he go till 2015?

• 10:43Sam Morril?

  He went pretty long, I think, yeah.

• 10:45Mark Normand?

  We can look this up.

• 10:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we can. Yeah. Tell them what you're there for, man.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  That happened because I did.

• 10:51Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's.

• 10:51Mark Normand?

  No, it's Colbert.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  AI, I hate that Google AI is the top answer.

• 10:55Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 10:56Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  It's wrong a lot. They fucking ruined everything.

• 10:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  They took this database that had all the information in the world.

• 11:02Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Have an idiot like regurgitating it.

• 11:05Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 11:06Sam Morril?

  This sounds like a peeve to me.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  It's a total peeve. I hate, I hate it. I just wanna just link me to the article. I can read. I can figure it out.

• 11:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, and it's only gonna get worse, by the way.

• 11:16Sam Morril?

  2015, May 20th, 2015.

• 11:18Mark Normand?

  Okay, there you go.

• 11:19Speaker 01

  All right, well.

• 11:19Sam Morril?

  Can you just do a short version of that? What was the exact angle of the heroin? How did the heroin?

• 11:23Mark Normand?

  The heroin, I remember Shake Cakes. I know the whole bit.

• 11:26Speaker 01

  The angle of the heroin was, this was real, was that there was a new, I saw these news reports about this new, it's hard not to go into the cadence.

• 11:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, do it, do it.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  It was a new drug called cheese. I saw these news reports. They're like, kids are doing it. It's an epidemic. It's a new drug. It's an epidemic. So I looked up what cheese is. This is all true, by the way. Cheese is Tylenol PM and heroin. So really, it's heroin. It's mostly heroin. Heroin's doing the heavy lifting.

• 11:52Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Not a new drug, yeah. I said heroin.

• 11:55Sam Morril?

  Heavy lifting's the.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:57Mark Normand?

  That's a great line.

• 11:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:58Mark Normand?

  I feel like I'm back in Big Terrific here.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, Big Terrific, good show, big show.

• 12:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  That was a great show, yeah. I remember I did that once and someone came up to me and was like, you say heroin 17 times in that joke.

• 12:10Mark Normand?

  Wow, that was the original Reddit.

• 12:13Sam Morril?

  Remember when Carlin did the stuff bit?

• 12:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:18Sam Morril?

  Stuff. He realized if you say it like three times, it's not funny. If you say it once, it's like, fine. But if you say it like 40 times.

• 12:24Speaker 01

  Right.

• 12:25Sam Morril?

  It's funny.

• 12:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:26Sam Morril?

  If you say it, it becomes funnier each time.

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Well, the trick with heroin became, it was like a longer bit, was like, I say it a bunch up front, and then how long can I wait and then say it again as a punchline? And then how much longer can I, like, you wanna forget it.

• 12:40Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  You want the audience to forget, and then you say heroin again.

• 12:43Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  So you like, you go off on a tangent and then come right back to it. So it's sort of like, they think it's done and then it's not.

• 12:49Sam Morril?

  That was what I, that was the fun thing of that bit. Nowadays, they wouldn't even let that on late night.

• 12:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're probably right.

• 12:55Sam Morril?

  They'd probably be on Fallon, and I'd be like, "You can't say heroin."

• 12:57Mark Normand?

  That many times.

• 12:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  I mean, I do say it a lot.

• 13:00Mark Normand?

  Seventeen times.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  It requires that many times, yeah.

• 13:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. The bit was beaten to death, and then you had the, uh, the shoelaces moved. The shoelaces bounce.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:10Mark Normand?

  About the video game?

• 13:11Speaker 01

  About Call of Duty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My god, you remember the bit, huh?

• 13:16Mark Normand?

  I couldn't write good jokes, so I was like, "Ah!"

• 13:19Speaker 01

  We were all doing well. We were all in the mix, doing well.

• 13:22Mark Normand?

  I mean, I look back, like, your stuff, it still stands. If I did some of my old stuff.

• 13:26Sam Morril?

  Dude, your first album's fucking great.

• 13:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, no, that was fun to watch.

• 13:30Sam Morril?

  Letterman would do that. I remember Nick Griffin had to say, Nick Griffin, if you ever...

• 13:34Speaker 01

  Nick Griffin, the master of the five-minute late-night...

• 13:36Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 13:36Mark Normand?

  Unbelievable.

• 13:37Sam Morril?

  He's one of the greats. I mean, watch all of his Letterman sets, but he, uh, he had a joke I loved, where he goes, "You know, young women are filled with sugar and spice and everything nice, and I'm filled with anger and semen and shame." They made him change it to anger and Prozac and shame. It doesn't hit the same.

• 13:53Mark Normand?

  Prozac. Get out of here.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  I bet it worked, though.

• 13:56Mark Normand?

  It worked.

• 13:57Sam Morril?

  But the alliteration is like semen and shame.

• 13:59Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, the S.

• 14:01Sam Morril?

  His just, he's so authentic. I mean, he's so just miserable on stage. But it's so, he's a great writer.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  And like, it's hard to have someone who has such a point of view and is such a sharp joke writer, you know? Like, it's full of personality, but also like the perfect word choices.

• 14:16Sam Morril?

  He always, his jokes are so concise. I mean, he's, and he's, uh, he's so good at picking, he had an opener too, where they say, "You know, no matter how bad you have, there's always someone worse off than you." He says, "Now I'm depressed and worried about this other poor guy."

• 14:31Sam Morril?

  That's a great opener. It's like, "Oh, you know who the fuck he is immediately."

• 14:34Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 14:35Sam Morril?

  He's a sad guy.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:37Sam Morril?

  He's a great joke writer.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's a great, like, the five-minute set, you know? I'd always look up to those people who could like nail that.

• 14:43Sam Morril?

  Well, you said you loved Jake Johansson.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  Jake Johansson could do that, you know?

• 14:46Mark Normand?

  There was a guy, Jeff Caldwell, who was amazing on Letterman, but I never really saw him around. Does he work?

• 14:51Sam Morril?

  He was at the comic strip all the time.

• 14:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, he was, okay.

• 14:54Sam Morril?

  I was at the strip a lot back in those days.

• 14:55Mark Normand?

  I'd never see him.

• 14:56Speaker 01

  You know, I think of all these guys you would see on like, in the eighties, on like, One Night Stand and all that stuff.

• 15:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  And now you see their names pop up on like, a kids' show, it'll be like, "Executive Producer."

• 15:05Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  You know, a lot of them are like, been working in the business for years. Yeah, that guy, Jeff Caldwell.

• 15:11Mark Normand?

  The SpongeBob guy, I think, was like, uh, like, an eighties comic, and now he's...

• 15:15Sam Morril?

  He was on Mr. Show and stuff.

• 15:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Tom Kenny?

• 15:17Mark Normand?

  That's it.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was really funny. His stand-up was really funny.

• 15:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 15:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 15:23Sam Morril?

  He was amazing, I missed it.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  It was very like high-energy, act-out-y stand-up.

• 15:26Mark Normand?

  Got it, got it.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  He was good. He's a funny guy.

• 15:29Mark Normand?

  Okay, do you miss the late-night, you know, it almost feels over, feels dead, the five-minute set?

• 15:34Speaker 01

  It really bugs me out. It was my favorite thing, you know.

• 15:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  Most of my career, my goal was to be a late-night talk show host, and then it stopped being that at some point. But, you know, I'm hosting Kimmel's show for a week this year. I hosted it last year.

• 15:47Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  I love it. You know why I love it? Because it's really, to me, the exact intersection of everything in Hollywood. You can have a guy whose last movie made a billion dollars next to a guy who can like, you know, chew bubble gum and whistle the National Anthem at the same time. It's like every level of success right there at the same time.

• 16:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you get the animal attacks or the animal expert guy.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  You got some animal expert guy who just like joined SAG so he could do that.

• 16:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Next to George Clooney, you know?

• 16:20Mark Normand?

  Right, right, that's true.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  And then the host is like, this is my show, I'm supposed to give them the spotlight, but also it's kind of my show, so that tension is there too. And, you know, I mean, the reason I started stand-up was because of Conan. I mean, Conan, Conan O'Brien's show was like what made me absolutely fall in love with comedy.

• 16:37Sam Morril?

  And you just did the Mark Twain thing.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  I just did the Mark Twain thing. I got very nervous for that.

• 16:42Mark Normand?

  Wait, what was that?

• 16:43Speaker 01

  Intense.

• 16:44Sam Morril?

  Conan won a Mark Twain?

• 16:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, you did a piece?

• 16:46Speaker 01

  I did a piece, and you know, you're like, well, first of all, it's Conan, who is like my hero.

• 16:50Mark Normand?

  The king.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  And then the other people presenting are Letterman, Colbert, Sandler, Will Ferrell.

• 16:57Mark Normand?

  Jesus Christ.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Uh, Nikki Glaser, John Mulaney.

• 17:00Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  I mean, it's a wild, wild room.

• 17:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  And you're just going up with all these people.

• 17:08Sam Morril?

  How did you run the?

• 17:09Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 17:10Speaker 01

  You don't run it. I didn't run it.

• 17:11Sam Morril?

  You didn't even take it to like a?

• 17:13Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 17:14Sam Morril?

  No.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Well, this is what I did. What I did was, I was like, if I'm doing straight stand-up, and you got Mulaney, you got Glazer, you got Sandler, you got all these people there. That's tough to sort of like go straight at them, you know?

• 17:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  So I did like a presentation. I did, I was like, I'll have graphics, I'll have charts. Twain talk, like a TED Talk, I did a little TED Talk parody.

• 17:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, fun.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  And then I knew, I was like, these are the bits. This graph will pop up, that's gonna get a laugh, you know?

• 17:46Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep.

• 17:47Speaker 01

  They made a funny graph. I do this, I do this setup, that graph's gonna come up, that's gonna get a laugh. So I like, I was like, I'll do something different.

• 17:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:54Speaker 01

  And, and it'll be different and it'll do well because it's different.

• 17:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, smart.

• 17:58Sam Morril?

  You just trusted that, you're like, did you run it by friends? Who'd you run it by?

• 18:02Speaker 01

  No, I was pretty sure it was funny. I mean, you know, the, the-

• 18:06Mark Normand?

  Give me the set, the Kumail set.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Look at that.

• 18:08Mark Normand?

  Now we don't need the photo. What are you doing?

• 18:11Speaker 01

  No, no, no. No, no, no. Now we're not gonna see this.

• 18:14Mark Normand?

  Well, I just wanna see you onstage with a graph, or a graphic.

• 18:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, see me onstage with the graphic.

• 18:19Mark Normand?

  Okay, here we go. But yeah, that, that is scary. What is it, Lincoln Center?

• 18:25Speaker 01

  It's at the one with all the, uh, Kennedy Center.

• 18:29Mark Normand?

  Kennedy Center, that's the one. Different president.

• 18:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, it may, they may not have put it on. That was, that was for Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

• 18:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, you did her too?

• 18:38Speaker 01

  That was a few years ago, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, yeah.

• 18:41Mark Normand?

  Maybe it's, uh, yeah, Conan, there you go. Oh, is that it?

• 18:45Speaker 01

  Backstage, that's backstage.

• 18:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  See, they, they didn't put it, they didn't put it on the thing.

• 18:49Mark Normand?

  Wow, is that bad?

• 18:50Sam Morril?

  What's your, what's your connection to Julia Louis-Dreyfus?

• 18:51Speaker 01

  They didn't put any of them on.

• 18:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  Uh, Trump-related? No, it's, it's because it's on Netflix now.

• 18:59Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  They only wanted to be on Netflix. It's not Trump-related.

• 19:02Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  I know, I've known Julia because I did a part on Veep years and years ago.

• 19:09Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  And it's one of the few things that I've gotten from like, just an audition.

• 19:14Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  I auditioned with her, it was really fun, and then I did one episode, and that's how I got Silicon Valley, was from doing that one episode. But she was great, and we sort of stayed in touch, and, I mean, she's fucking incredible.

• 19:29Mark Normand?

  She's a dream guest. I'm a big fan.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  She's, she's awesome and she's like, you know, super grounded, super normal, like she would like go out with us out. And it's like weird, like she's the biggest sitcom of all time.

• 19:43Speaker 03

  I think you could make an argument that she's the greatest comedic actor of all time.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  Most successful, most successful comedian.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Well, here's what we were saying just before. I think Adam Sandler is the most successful comedic actor of all time.

• 19:58Speaker 03

  He might be right there too.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  Because people have had heights, you know, obviously Jim Carrey at his height was like the, it's very rare that a comedic actor, comedic actor is the biggest movie star. Jim Carrey had that. He had three number one movies in the same year. He had Dumb and Dumber, The Mask and Ace Ventura in the same year.

• 20:17Mark Normand?

  1994.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Imagine what that's like.

• 20:19Mark Normand?

  Insane.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  Will Ferrell had big heights, you know, super funny people, they're all hilarious, but Sandler since the 90s up until now, has been like making huge comedies that entire time.

• 20:31Mark Normand?

  That's true, and I'll throw in a couple dramas, Punch Drunk Love, Uncut Gems, yeah, he's got a new Spaceman movie coming out.

• 20:38Sam Morril?

  But he was talking like TV, I think, you were talking TV.

• 20:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're talking TV.

• 20:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, maybe I should have said accomplished or successful.

• 20:43Speaker 01

  I think Julia has to be because she's won a bunch of Emmys, she's been on like.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  She's had three different shows that all she won best actress for.

• 20:51Mark Normand?

  Was that, what was the second one?

• 20:52Speaker 03

  Uh, Old Christine, New Adventure, Old Christine, Seinfeld and Veep.

• 20:56Speaker 01

  I would say Seinfeld and Veep are in like top 10 comedy of all time. Two of those she got.

• 21:02Mark Normand?

  She's also has a reoccurring role in Arrested Development that's great. I mean, she's a blind lady.

• 21:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 21:06Speaker 03

  And she was on SNL in the fucking 80s.

• 21:10Mark Normand?

  Yikes.

• 21:10Sam Morril?

  She's got a crazy resume.

• 21:11Mark Normand?

  And her dad is an oil tycoon, so it's not one of these like I came up from the streets, the wrong side of the tracks.

• 21:17Sam Morril?

  They just had it.

• 21:18Mark Normand?

  Just had it.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  Well, that's the tough thing is that, you know, growing up with that much money and still being cool and normal, like that's what I'm doing.

• 21:26Mark Normand?

  The old Nick Kroll.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  It also shows, you know, so many people talk about like, oh, their parents were rich, they had opportunities and stuff, and that's totally true. It's much harder to come from not having any safety net, like I didn't have a safety net, I don't know if you guys had a safety net. For me, it was like, if this doesn't work, like I gotta get a real fucking job.

• 21:45Mark Normand?

  Definitely.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  What it shows is that this, pursuing this stuff, is what a lot of people want to do if they had the opportunity. That's all it shows to me, really, is that more people would be like, you know, rich art school kids and stuff. Yeah, if you give poor people those opportunities, I think you'd have, you'd have more people doing that, too.

• 22:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. I, I do think, uh, cause everybody says, "You gotta be depressed, you gotta be molested, you gotta be beaten. It's the only way to be great."

• 22:15Speaker 01

  I really hate that.

• 22:16Mark Normand?

  I don't like it either.

• 22:17Sam Morril?

  I often say, "You gotta be molested."

• 22:19Mark Normand?

  I heard that somewhere. Hitler was molested, Oprah was molested.

• 22:23Speaker 01

  "Hey, what are you doing to your son? Making him an artist."

• 22:27Mark Normand?

  That would be a good argument. Like, you hear this guy, you know, he's got the craziest, "Grew up in a whorehouse, his dad died, his mom was fucked in front of him. He was a heroin addict or a cokehead or whatever." But, so they're like, "He's the best comedian of all time. It's because of that." But also, Seinfeld's a funny comedian. He grew up in the suburbs of Long Island.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  I think-

• 22:48Sam Morril?

  Different types of comedy.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  I think that that's exactly right. I don't think you have to be damaged. This whole thing that you have to be damaged to be an artist, I think is false. Some damaged people make great art, some completely well, like, normal people also make great-

• 23:02Sam Morril?

  Seinfeld's an observational comic, and Pryor is essentially like a cautionary tale. Like, saying, like, "You shouldn't be like me, but it's hilarious that I'm aware of how fucked up I am." I mean, there's, there's different types of comedy, you know?

• 23:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  Different types of comedy.

• 23:15Mark Normand?

  And I'm sure there's welders who are molested.

• 23:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 23:18Mark Normand?

  And welders who weren't molested, and they're both as good as welding.

• 23:21Sam Morril?

  But the ones who are molested are welding a little bit-

• 23:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you see that, like-

• 23:25Sam Morril?

  They're working hard.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  Did a, did a, yeah, did a victim of child abuse make this? Cause it's fucking perfect.

• 23:30Sam Morril?

  You welded the shit out of this.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  There's no room between the-

• 23:35Mark Normand?

  Between the metals.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I guess so.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  That is a clean weld.

• 23:41Sam Morril?

  You gotta give us movie recs on this pod, cuz you are like a movie. You're like a connoisseur.

• 23:47Mark Normand?

  You're in movies.

• 23:48Sam Morril?

  You're in movies, but I feel like every time I'd see you at the cellar, you'd be like, oh, you gotta watch this. Or like, oh.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  Well, did you see the one I told you to watch, Dark City?

• 23:54Sam Morril?

  Of course.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:55Sam Morril?

  I watched the director's cut.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  Isn't it great?

• 23:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, it was like a sci-fi noir. I loved it.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Uh, it's a sci-fi noir, and if you look at, don't look up the story, but if you look up the visuals, you'll be like, oh, my god. Nineties Matrix ripoff. It came out before the Matrix. It came out before the Matrix.

• 24:12Sam Morril?

  It's really, it's really.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  And it's a fantastic movie. Jennifer Connelly, Rafa Suo, Kiefer Sutherland, really going for it. If you wanna see Kiefer Sutherland really like going for it.

• 24:22Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Um, that's a great movie. If I'm gonna, this is a, this is a movie that's like a so bad it's good movie that I'm gonna recommend. Not, Dark City is good, good, but I can't believe more people don't know about this movie. People might have heard about it, but so many people have not seen it. It's a movie called Zardoz. Have you heard of it?

• 24:41Mark Normand?

  Zardoz?

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Look it up. It's.

• 24:43Mark Normand?

  That was my Uber driver.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Uh, Z A R D O.

• 24:47Mark Normand?

  Zardoz.

• 24:48Speaker 01

  Z A R, see, look, that picture of, uh, Sean Connery right there.

• 24:54Mark Normand?

  Holy shit.

• 24:55Speaker 01

  So he.

• 24:56Mark Normand?

  This is hilarious.

• 24:57Sam Morril?

  What the fuck?

• 24:58Speaker 01

  He's in that.

• 24:59Sam Morril?

  I think Raquel Welch wore the same outfit.

• 25:01Speaker 01

  In this whole movie, you're like, oh, is he dressed like, there's no way he's dressed like that in the whole movie. He's not, cuz halfway through, he takes off the bandolier, and it is just him.

• 25:10Mark Normand?

  What the?

• 25:11Speaker 01

  In those red little undies the entire time, completely out of shape, extremely hairy back.

• 25:18Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  Like just wheezing through the whole thing. This is after James Bond.

• 25:22Mark Normand?

  This is unreal.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  And his movie, you know, it's after James Bond, his career wasn't doing well. He got this offer. This guy, John Borman, had just directed Deliverance. And everybody in town was like, we wanna do.

• 25:34Sam Morril?

  I'd rather be Ned Beatty in Deliverance.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  It's a insane movie. It's so fucking fun. It's like, to me, the perfect good-bad movie.

• 25:46Sam Morril?

  All right.

• 25:47Mark Normand?

  I'm in.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  It's wild.

• 25:48Sam Morril?

  You gotta send me these too, cuz I wanna remember these.

• 25:50Speaker 01

  Huge budget, cuz so everybody in town was fighting to make his next movie, and I think it was Fox was like. Whatever you want, we'll make. We don't even need to read it. And he was like, "Okay, we're making this." And they signed the deal, and then he sent them the movie, and they were like, "What the fuck?" And it's a huge-budget movie that is an absolute disaster, and it's so fucking good.

• 26:11Mark Normand?

  Wow. I can't wait. You know, they always say Sean Connery is pro-hitting women? I bet it's women who brought this movie out.

• 26:19Mark Normand?

  Stop bringing up Zardos.

• 26:21Sam Morril?

  Barbara Walters should have hit back with this in that interview. "Oh yeah, how was Zardos?"

• 26:26Mark Normand?

  Look how terrible he looks. He's fucking doughy and pale. Oh my god.

• 26:30Sam Morril?

  Very legs, too.

• 26:32Mark Normand?

  He looks like a demon. This is brutal. Poor guy.

• 26:37Sam Morril?

  We're gonna cut to an ad for Manscaped right here.

• 26:41Mark Normand?

  This is James Bond.

• 26:42Sam Morril?

  What's going on?

• 26:43Mark Normand?

  It's insane.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a wild movie. It's also the movie itself, the point of view of the movie is like very misogynistic. It's like very sexist. It's sort of like, the point of the movie is like, guys should be out there doing stuff, and women should be in the kitchen making food. That's what the movie's perspec-- it's fucking amazing.

• 27:02Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 27:02Speaker 01

  It's an incredible movie.

• 27:03Mark Normand?

  You like a good-bad. You told me about The Room before anybody was talking about The Room.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  I do. What I-- you know, I like a good-bad when I think it's really-- I think it has to come from passion.

• 27:17Mark Normand?

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• 28:47Mark Normand?

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• 29:15Speaker 01

  When you watch The Room, you're like, this is the movie this guy wanted to make. He didn't make it because he was like, people will like this, or it's going to be a big hit, or I want to get money to make my next movie. He was like, this is what I want to express to the world.

• 29:27Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 29:28Speaker 01

  When people make movies that they, you know, they want to be bad, that never works. But Zardoz, like, that guy made that movie because he had to make that movie.

• 29:35Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  This guy Tommy Wiseau made The Room because he had to make The Room. To me, those kinds of bad movies where it's like real passion, that's the sweet spot.

• 29:44Sam Morril?

  I'm with you, yeah. It wasn't like a money grab.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  No. There's like soul in it.

• 29:49Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 29:50Speaker 01

  And honestly, so many Hollywood movies right now are so like test-marketed and test-audience and overthought and all the edges are off. You see something that was clearly made by one guy. It's exciting because it's so different from everything else.

• 30:05Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true. Now, you're in the Marvel Universe.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:09Sam Morril?

  Do we have the toy?

• 30:10Speaker 01

  Guys.

• 30:12Mark Normand?

  You're dead.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Some respect.

• 30:13Mark Normand?

  It's a voodoo doll.

• 30:14Sam Morril?

  This is badass.

• 30:15Mark Normand?

  I know. I mean.

• 30:17Sam Morril?

  Is it crazy you think that kids are playing with this?

• 30:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know if kids are playing with it. Uh, yeah, I mean, that was a real dream. Like, you know, I grew up collecting action figures. I love them. And that was really like, it looks like me, you know? I got to approve it.

• 30:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah?

• 30:32Speaker 01

  They would set you like different versions and you say, oh.

• 30:34Sam Morril?

  And you got kinda jacked here, man. What the hell?

• 30:36Mark Normand?

  Kinda jacked?

• 30:37Sam Morril?

  I mean, really jacked.

• 30:37Mark Normand?

  Look at that. Look at that.

• 30:38Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 30:38Mark Normand?

  Zart off. Zart off.

• 30:40Speaker 01

  I got zarted.

• 30:43Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 30:44Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 30:45Sam Morril?

  Was that miserable to have to get that jacked?

• 30:47Speaker 01

  Getting that jacked was miserable. It was truly, truly miserable. Honestly, once you have it, keeping it is like a fourth is difficult. Keeping it is not that hard. Not that I look like that. I don't look like that. But, but.

• 31:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I see. It looked pretty good.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Getting it is hard. Keeping it is much easier. Not, not easy, but easier.

• 31:09Mark Normand?

  Emily must have loved it.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  Emily was like, she was like, it's, see, she had an adjustment because she was like, your body feels so different. She, at one point, she said, you know, after we had sex, she's like, it's like fucking the corner of a building.

• 31:28Mark Normand?

  That's perfect. That's great.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  And then, you know, she started really working out too. Like, we've got a gym now in our house and now she's like, she's got like abs and stuff.

• 31:39Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  She got, she does like weights and all that, like heavy weights, you know, for, for her.

• 31:46Mark Normand?

  For a lady.

• 31:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:47Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 31:49Sam Morril?

  I mean, was it just like awesome to be in this movie?

• 31:52Mark Normand?

  It's a big budget.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  That's, that's what's great about it.

• 31:55Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  The budget is insane. You're really in the lap of luxury. They give you a driver that's like, he was a great guy. Like, we became friends. Uh, still talk to him.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  Take you wherever you want, whenever you want, weekend, day off, whatever it is. Like, he drove me to Stonehenge, which is like a few hours away, drove me back.

• 32:17Speaker 01

  Me and Emily, both of us back. You know, you're really, the food's amazing. Like, when they gave, so you go-

• 32:23Sam Morril?

  What are you eating on the Eternals?

• 32:24Speaker 01

  So, they do this thing where you go and you talk to the guy and you tell him, they get all your, they have your exact macros, exact calories, they give you five meals a day that are exactly for you. Everybody's meals are different, different quantities. And you could be like, hey, tonight I'm gonna go like, do this.

• 32:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 01

  So, so they're like, adjust it and fix it for you, or like, oh, on the weekend I wanna go out and have any food. Look, there it is.

• 32:48Mark Normand?

  That was quick.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  That is quick work, yeah.

• 32:50Mark Normand?

  Well done.

• 32:53Mark Normand?

  What meals were those?

• 32:56Mark Normand?

  Man, they get your meals, they give you a driver, this is a big, big Hollywood.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  You really- Excuse me?

• 33:02Sam Morril?

  Nice hotel?

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Well, we had an apartment, yeah, a nice apartment. Yeah, no, it's a great, I mean, you do realize on movie sets how much money is being wasted.

• 33:12Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  You hear like, you know, this movie was cheap, it was ten million dollars, and you're like, ten million, so much money, how does it take so much money to make something that looks like shit?

• 33:21Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 33:22Speaker 01

  So much money's wasted.

• 33:24Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  I mean, you know, there's just a lot of, a lot of wasted time, a lot of wasted-

• 33:30Mark Normand?

  It's true.

• 33:31Sam Morril?

  How did the movie come up? I mean, was it something that you kinda sought out, or did you audition, or what was the process?

• 33:36Speaker 01

  No, they called me, you know, kinda out of nowhere, they just called me. Chloe Zhao, who directed Nomadland, and The Rider, and all these, I knew she was doing this movie, Eternals, and they were like, hey, she wants to have a meeting with you, and I was like, what is this about? And I just walked in and they were, her and Nate Moore, who's a producer, who's great, he's produced all the Black Panther movies, you know? They like sat there and pitched me the whole movie in forty-five minutes and I was like, so what are you saying? They're like, would you wanna play this part? Like, they didn't tell me that's what it was. And I was like, yeah, of course.

• 34:11Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 34:12Speaker 01

  They'd already cast, Angelina Jolie. I was the second person cast.

• 34:16Mark Normand?

  Woo, that's exciting.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  Angelina Jolie, yeah.

• 34:19Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 34:20Speaker 01

  What was less exciting was the, um, don't bring up the rotten tomato.

• 34:25Sam Morril?

  Well, did that just throw you for a loop? Because you're making a movie, you're like, this is good. Well, we're making a good thing. And then you see reviews that are like, that didn't love it. What's your reaction?

• 34:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, it, yeah, it obviously threw me for a loop, you know? It was like really like sort of jarring. I actually talk about it in my stand-up, like my new, I just did a Hulu special. It's gonna come out in December.

• 34:45Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  I, I talk about what that was like. Cause it's also, you know, you're like, I'm, I'm living the dream. Like, you tell any version of me as a kid that I get to do this.

• 34:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  I'm thrilled. I don't care what the reviews are. So the fact that people have real problems, people have much harder things, but the fact that this thing, the reviews of my big Hollywood movie, like fucking destroying me, is also like, get it together, you know? Like, there are bigger problems.

• 35:15Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  But, uh, yeah, it, it really threw me for a loop.

• 35:19Mark Normand?

  I think if you wrote it, it'd be, and directed it, it'd be a little different. But yeah, you're just in the movie.

• 35:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's still your face up there, you know? It makes a difference. It's tough. Like, I've been at the premiere of a movie that I was in that I was like, I've, it was one of the worst bombs. Like,

• 35:34Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  I, I've never seen a movie bomb at a premiere. And this movie,

• 35:39Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 35:40Speaker 01

  This is a big movie with big movie stars bombed it.

• 35:43Sam Morril?

  How big a role did you have in it?

• 35:45Speaker 01

  I didn't have a huge role.

• 35:46Mark Normand?

  That's your, finally you bombed.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:49Mark Normand?

  Finally.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  Can I tell you my worst bomb? I don't know if this story might not be appropriate.

• 35:53Mark Normand?

  No, I saw it.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  The story might not be appropriate.

• 35:55Mark Normand?

  I already farted.

• 35:58Mark Normand?

  You can do anything here.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Okay, so this was a few years ago. This is, I wasn't doing stand-up at this time, so this was between the big sick and me starting stand-up again. I hadn't been doing stand-up. And I was doing a show at Largo that was like a benefit. And just by chance, me, Martin Starr and Thomas Middleditch were all on it. We're all in Silicon Valley.

• 36:19Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  This is a horrible story. I can't believe I'm telling this.

• 36:22Mark Normand?

  Bring it on, baby.

• 36:24Speaker 01

  So, Martin's gonna sing, Thomas is doing improv with Keegan-Michael Key, I'm gonna do stand-up. And I hadn't been doing stand-up. And it's like a bunch of, maybe it was 2015, 2014, something like that, anyway.

• 36:37Speaker 01

  So Thomas goes up and he's doing improv with Keegan. And he asks for a suggestion. And someone in the audience yells out, Nazi! And Thomas pulls up his sleeve and there's a swastika tattoo. Because that day, Thomas had shot a sketch where he had a swastika tattoo. And he had just taken it off, it comes straight there. So, someone yells Nazi.

• 37:01Sam Morril?

  He actually made it permanent and he's like, eh.

• 37:03Speaker 01

  It hurts so much to get this.

• 37:06Speaker 01

  He pulls it up and the crowd goes wild. He crushes, because it's such a fucking crazy thing. And then he explains to them, I played this thing, this is washable, I'm gonna wash it up. So that happens, okay?

• 37:17Mark Normand?

  That's amazing.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  So I go up to Martin and I'm like, hey Martin, we should both draw swastikas on our arms. So we can go out and be like, you know, I'll go up and I'll be like, hey, uh, the cast of Silicon Valley, you know, we had such a wonderful experience, he wanted to get a tattoo to commemorate it and raise it and show it. And Martin was like, that's a bad idea, don't do that. And I'm like, no, no, no, it's good. So I convinced someone to like, with a sharpie, draw a swastika on my arm. I go out there, opening joke, you say riff in the beginning, this is what I did. I was like, hey, so you know, cast of Silicon Valley, we got so close, we wanted all to get a tattoo. You saw Thomas, says, here's mine. And I pull it up and it's just scratched in swastika. And it is fucking silent. I have never heard this much silence. And now, I got 14 minutes to go.

• 38:02Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  So I'm just sitting there, my arms burning right where I drew the swastika, my ears are burning, I do the whole set, bomb.

• 38:08Sam Morril?

  Someone whispers, it's a Holocaust benefit.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  I want to clarify, this is before like the, this is before Nazis came back.

• 38:18Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  Nazis used to be a punchline, remember?

• 38:20Mark Normand?

  That's right, yeah.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  Hitler was a punchline.

• 38:21Mark Normand?

  Now it's a headline.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, now it's a headline, from punchlines to headlines.

• 38:26Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  Martin goes up after me and he's like, "I have a tattoo too, but I don't think you guys want to see it." Kills again.

• 38:34Speaker 01

  So the first guy killed, the third guy killed, and the middle guy didn't.

• 38:37Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's comedy, that's like a comedy class.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  It is, it is a comedy class.

• 38:43Mark Normand?

  So his worked?

• 38:44Speaker 01

  No, he didn't show it.

• 38:45Mark Normand?

  That's why, that's the genius, he didn't show it.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  He was like, "I don't want that on me." Yeah, I think that's probably the best.

• 38:52Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's crazy.

• 38:53Sam Morril?

  He took a big swing.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  I took a big swing.

• 38:57Sam Morril?

  You know, sometimes you gotta take a big swing.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  But this is what, this is like my nightmare, you know, I hadn't been doing stand-up. I didn't have material, I was like, "I don't know what I'm gonna do." "Oh, I'll open with this, I'll ride that laugh for the first five to six minutes." "Then I'll bring up the other like half big."

• 39:09Sam Morril?

  Then you're like, "You guys, you guys heard a cheese?"

• 39:15Mark Normand?

  It's tough, yeah, and heroin.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  That is the worst bomb I've had.

• 39:20Sam Morril?

  Wow. That is hilarious, that story though, goddamn.

• 39:23Mark Normand?

  Did you pull out of that nosedive?

• 39:25Speaker 01

  No.

• 39:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  I truly, I remember being like, "I am totally bombing, I drawn it over here." So I had my, and it was, and I remember talking for like two or three minutes and realizing, "Oh, I should cover this." Like I'd forgotten that I was still showing, just watching a swastika.

• 39:41Mark Normand?

  Man.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  And then I like covered it and continued to bomb, terrible set.

• 39:46Mark Normand?

  Jesus, yeah, we've all had, you know, you gotta, if you riff, you take a shot sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't work, you know?

• 39:53Speaker 01

  Here is one of the best versions of those that, those that got, you guys don't know Jason Fever. Jason Fever was this Chicago comedian, like all the Chicago dudes, you know, we all know him. And he lives in LA now, he's a really funny guy, and he was always like anti-comedy was his thing.

• 40:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  This is the funniest thing I ever saw him do, this is fucking insane. There was a show, so we would do all these alt rooms, like in New York, you know, there were these alt things and there was, but there was a, there was a, there was a bar called Joe's on Weed Street, which was like a douchebag warehouse. It was like where the hot people went, you know, and we, that was not our place, but they would have this show, uh, once a month, and it was fucking killer, because it'd be 400 people, packed, gorgeous people, and we would kill, and it was great.

• 40:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  They booked Jason Fever, which was a mistake. Because Jason Fever is an anti-comic.

• 40:37Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  He wants to piss people off. So he goes onstage and he's like, "I just want to say, I'm sorry, that intro, you guys weren't excited enough for me." So, we have to do that again. I'm gonna go off, and when I come back, you have to really go nuts. And he has these posters that he's made. "Go, Jason Fever, we love Jason Fever." And he's handing them out to people. And now people are getting really into it. They're getting really excited. He's making them chant like, "Jason Fever, Jason Fever." And the crowd's really into it. For five minutes, he hypes them up. He passes out all this stuff, hats that he's gotten made and all this stuff. People are really excited. He's like, "All right, I'm gonna go off right now." And then, host's gonna introduce me as if for the first time. I come out and you guys go fucking insane.

• 41:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:20Speaker 01

  You just, Eddie Murphy's here. He leaves stage. The guy comes out, he's like, "Please welcome to the stage, Jason Fever." Crowd goes fucking wild. The walls are shaking. And he comes out in a KKK outfit.

• 41:35Mark Normand?

  That's hilarious.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  They hated it.

• 41:40Mark Normand?

  And you're backstage like, "I'm gonna go out in a KKK outfit." "We should do it, Martin."

• 41:46Speaker 01

  Come on, Martin.

• 41:47Mark Normand?

  Wow, but they hated it? That's gold.

• 41:49Sam Morril?

  It ate shit. But it's, I mean, it's for the story. It's for the story.

• 41:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, he didn't care. He liked that.

• 41:56Sam Morril?

  I mean, it's one of those things that you would think, if the crowd's cool enough, they'd be like, "Oh, you got us."

• 42:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 42:03Sam Morril?

  The Canadian guy would come out and fist, I forgot his name, but he would fist bump the crowd. And as he would fist bump, he'd go, "White Power." And they'd be like, "Oh, fuck."

• 42:13Mark Normand?

  You know who had a little of that, but it always was funny, was John Doerr.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  Remember, John Doerr was a little dangerous.

• 42:19Mark Normand?

  He was a little dangerous, but brilliant.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  I haven't seen him in a while.

• 42:23Mark Normand?

  I haven't either.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  He's so funny.

• 42:25Sam Morril?

  He was very funny. I loved his set with Rory Scoville.

• 42:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  Yeah. He's one of those guys, John Doerr, that was just naturally so funny and did his own thing. I was like, "Oh, this guy..." He's also handsome. I was like, "Oh, this guy, movie star."

• 42:38Mark Normand?

  He's got it all. Yeah. I just did Dr. Phil on Sunday, and Rory was the other guest. And first of all, it's great to see Rory. I haven't seen him in a while. But you forget how fucking quick he is. He's so funny, he's so committed.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  He's so quick.

• 42:51Mark Normand?

  It was incredible.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  I saw him in Atlanta. Improvise a whole hour-long, one-man show.

• 42:59Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  That had like three acts. It was the craziest thing.

• 43:03Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  Fully improvised one story. It's a, he comes out and he, he starts off, he's holding the mic by the wire so the mic is hanging down.

• 43:11Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  And so people can barely hear him. And it's just about this guy who, he's a comedian, he wants to be a comedian, but he doesn't know how to hold a microphone.

• 43:18Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  He does a whole hour-long story. And at the end, he like, find, he does the whole thing with the mic hanging down.

• 43:24Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 43:25Speaker 01

  At the end, he gets it. And then people go fucking insane.

• 43:28Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 43:28Speaker 01

  Killing the entire time with fully made up shit.

• 43:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we would do like Montreal auditions, New Faces. It was a big deal. You gotta get this. And he would go up as a character and never tell them that he was that guy. So he would do a-

• 43:40Sam Morril?

  He'd be like, like-

• 43:40Mark Normand?

  A southern guy. He'd be like a southern gay guy, like, "Hi, how y'all doing?" You know, he'd tuck his shirt in and everything. And he would, it would kill. And then he would just leave. And I'm up there sweating like, "Uh, cereal's weird and I didn't get it." But he would get it off of a character. He, he was next level.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, his newest HBO special is the first time, I think, that he wrote, sat down and wrote a whole hour.

• 44:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, great.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  Really good.

• 44:04Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  It's really, really good.

• 44:05Sam Morril?

  Well, he wrote good jokes. Man, his late-night sets were funny always.

• 44:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  He's really funny.

• 44:10Mark Normand?

  He's got it all. What was I gonna ask you? Hold on.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  He just moved to Denver.

• 44:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 44:15Sam Morril?

  That's a rough airport, though.

• 44:16Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's a rough airport.

• 44:17Sam Morril?

  I just think as being a comic, that's a, you gotta have a good airport.

• 44:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. I could not agree more.

• 44:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  That was one of the brutal things about living in Chicago. O'Hare sucks. O'Hare's a tough airport.

• 44:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, that's Chicago class. That, that stands alone. Like, I think the Boston, you know, it's like Louis C.K., Bill Burr, Stan Hope, Patrice. It's crazy. Dane Cook.

• 44:36Sam Morril?

  David Cross.

• 44:37Mark Normand?

  David Cross. Yeah, it just goes on and on. But then you got Chicago. It's like, you, T.J. Miller, Pete Holmes, Jared Logan, Nick Vatterott, Kyle Kanane, Matt Bronger, Hannibal, Mulaney? Like, um-

• 44:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:51Mark Normand?

  Brooke Van Poplin. I mean, uh, I'm falling off here.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:56Mark Normand?

  You know, you know, but it was like a, it was a great group for a while. Who did I leave out?

• 45:03Speaker 01

  These socks. David Angelo.

• 45:04Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 45:05Speaker 01

  She gave me these socks. I think they're so funny. It just says, "Women stand up comedy" on it.

• 45:09Mark Normand?

  It's more like it's a sport?

• 45:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, like it's a sport. That's Delling, super funny, yeah.

• 45:14Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, she's another one in Chicago.

• 45:16Speaker 01

  David Angelo. We had a good-

• 45:17Mark Normand?

  David Angelo.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  Angelo. We had a good group. And again, it was like here, we were just performing for each other in front of you.

• 45:23Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  Barely any audiences. And all that mattered, I remember, there was an open mic on Monday nights that we used to do called Lion's Den. And that was like the center of the scene in Chicago. Cause the clubs never booked locals, you know, the Zany's never booked us. And so, every Monday night, you'd go, put your name in a hat, there'd be like seventy to eighty people going up. And the show would start at eight and go to like 3 a.m., you know?

• 45:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  And there were waves, like, in the beginning, it wasn't good, then around fifteen to thirty, it would be good, then it'd be dead again. And then, the pretty people who worked at like the restaurant where one of them was like a stand-up-

• 46:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:01Speaker 01

  Would show up with all his hot girl workers. And then it became a party again. So it was like really- I remember once, I was up late and all the, you know, the cool people were in later. And I was like, "Oh man, I just wanna kill in front of this crowd." So I just went up and I did five minutes from like something that had worked for me like a couple of weeks ago.

• 46:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  As soon as that came off, after crushing, Kyle was like, "I've heard that one."

• 46:22Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 46:23Sam Morril?

  Kanane said that.

• 46:24Speaker 01

  Kanane said.

• 46:24Sam Morril?

  Oh, he called you out?

• 46:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, he called me out. And I was like, "That's, that's right. Like, that's not what this room is for."

• 46:30Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  So that's what it was.

• 46:33Sam Morril?

  I resent people when they would do, like, we have New Joke Night at The Cellar, and I get a little annoyed.

• 46:37Speaker 01

  You can't do-

• 46:37Sam Morril?

  Well, when people are doing shit that I've, I've seen, like, look, if it's crushed like once or twice in the main room, but still new, you're adding a tag, that's one thing. But if you're doing like an old bit-

• 46:46Speaker 01

  You can't do that.

• 46:46Sam Morril?

  I'm just like, dude, you're fucking up the curve in here.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  There's no honor in that.

• 46:50Sam Morril?

  I, I get annoyed, for sure.

• 46:51Speaker 01

  Totally. That's the thing with Fifty First Jokes, too. I would be like pissed when I was like, "Oh, that's a bit you've been working on."

• 46:56Mark Normand?

  Right, yeah.

• 46:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, totally.

• 46:59Mark Normand?

  There's an honor. Oh, speaking of-

• 47:00Sam Morril?

  Good to have a friend like that, though, you know?

• 47:02Speaker 01

  I totally, I think about that all the time. And I only bring that up to say, it was, it didn't matter how we were doing with the crowd. We were performing for the other comics. And it had to be original, and you had to have your point of view, and you had to always be writing. And that's why I think that class in Chicago, you know, everybody was like, kept each other on.

• 47:19Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 47:20Speaker 03

  Oh, speaking of, we do a thing on this pod called, "Working on any new bits." So are you working on any new bits?

• 47:26Speaker 01

  You know, I sort of, I recorded my special in March and then I took a couple of months off stand-up. And this Saturday is my first time back.

• 47:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 47:35Speaker 01

  And I'm going back on tour at the end of the month.

• 47:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  So I don't really have anything new.

• 47:39Sam Morril?

  Well, if you have a peeve or something, we could do.

• 47:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what do you got a peeve?

• 47:42Speaker 01

  All right, I got a peeve. I got, here's my, I got two peeves.

• 47:46Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 47:47Sam Morril?

  Excited to hear them.

• 47:48Speaker 01

  I don't like a burger that's too big. I think burgers are getting too big, like, LA has a five napkin burger. I don't give me that.

• 47:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  It's gotta be something I can eat. I don't want it.

• 47:59Sam Morril?

  The mess is included in the name.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. Five napkins, there's so many napkins.

• 48:04Mark Normand?

  I want a period hooker. Give me, I want that. Just give me the hooker.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:11Mark Normand?

  He's a five-tap on.

• 48:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't want her.

• 48:13Sam Morril?

  It's gonna be a mess.

• 48:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:15Sam Morril?

  Your face is gonna be covered.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't want her dripping down my forearm.

• 48:19Mark Normand?

  What are you fisting?

• 48:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got, yeah.

• 48:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Uh, yeah, that's a great one. The burger and sometimes they put the big knife in there.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  I don't want the knife. The knife should not go in the middle of the burger.

• 48:31Mark Normand?

  It's like a horror film with that knife in there.

• 48:33Sam Morril?

  I like a big burger. I don't want a huge burger.

• 48:35Mark Normand?

  I'm with you.

• 48:36Sam Morril?

  They're too big. There's a limit.

• 48:37Speaker 01

  I just had a burger in Atlanta that I was like, this is the burger, because it was big, but it wasn't drippy. It was compact. The bun didn't fucking fall apart. Sometimes there's so much, like, wet sauce or the bun's falling apart. You're just like digging your fingers straight into meat now.

• 48:52Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 48:53Sam Morril?

  I'll take it another level, not just burgers, but just sandwiches. You go to these places and they stack them like this high. I'm like, how the fuck am I supposed to pick a bite out of a sandwich?

• 49:00Speaker 01

  Like cats. How do you?

• 49:01Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  That's like.

• 49:03Sam Morril?

  Cats, you gotta open a little and eat a little out first, I think, with like a fork. Cats is fucking, that's an institution. I won't, I won't.

• 49:09Mark Normand?

  No, no, I love cats.

• 49:10Speaker 01

  I love cats. Nothing against cats.

• 49:14Sam Morril?

  What's that swastika now?

• 49:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 49:19Mark Normand?

  Cats is great, the big burger, but you go to Vegas and they're like, we got the biggest steak or whatever. You're like, who's this for? And they're like, it's called the heart attack steak or whatever. They name it.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Now they're proud of it again.

• 49:30Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  Become like, yeah, there was a, there was a heart attack burger that I, that, that my food truck used to have.

• 49:36Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 49:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 49:37Mark Normand?

  Laughing Skull, the vortex had those crazy burgers, but I'll do you one better though. You get like a Bloody Mary and they put a fucking pork chop, a shrimp, okra, an olive, a celery, a cheese cube, a bacon. You're like, alright, alright.

• 49:50Sam Morril?

  There's a giant burger on it. You're like, what the?

• 49:51Mark Normand?

  There's a burger. There's a slider in there. Yeah, exactly. Like enough's enough.

• 49:56Sam Morril?

  And I love a Bloody Mary, but.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  Look at that. That's a salad.

• 49:58Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  That's a s-

• 50:00Mark Normand?

  That's a fucking donut. That's like a beignet.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  At that point, the Bloody Mary is just a dressing.

• 50:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:05Sam Morril?

  I got, I got, I got a Bloody Mary wreck for you. Throw a little beef broth in there. They call it a Bloody, they call it a Bloody Bull. It's fucking great.

• 50:12Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 50:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:13Mark Normand?

  That was the name of that prostitute I hooked up with. But yeah, wow, look at that. Bloody Bull. I'm down.

• 50:20Sam Morril?

  It was, it was fucking delicious.

• 50:22Speaker 01

  The other peeve I have.

• 50:23Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  I think every public bathroom should be pulled to enter and pushed to leave because when you're going in, people's hands are clean. You can pull it, then you wash your hands.

• 50:34Mark Normand?

  This is genius.

• 50:35Speaker 01

  With your butt, you push out. If you're, if I'm washing my hands and then I'm touching, so many people are touching their dicks and butts and then not washing their hands properly. It's all on the handle. Don't make me touch the handle again. It should be pulled to enter, pushed to leave every single public bathroom.

• 50:50Mark Normand?

  That's killer.

• 50:51Sam Morril?

  That's a great, that's a great peeve.

• 50:52Mark Normand?

  That's a, like a, a public announcement to the politicians. We go to congress with that.

• 50:56Speaker 01

  I could run on that.

• 50:57Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 50:58Speaker 01

  If only I wasn't born in Pakistan.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  I really feel like it's such a basic thing because I always hate, like, I'm like pulling up my shirt to get the, I'd rather have, I guess, strangest shit on my shirt than on my.

• 51:10Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's a good point. But yeah, that's a great one. I went to England. They have a kick flush and I was like, why don't we always do a kick flush?

• 51:17Speaker 01

  It should always be a kick flush.

• 51:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:19Sam Morril?

  I wish every place had a fucking bidet. I'll take it a step further. I love a bidet.

• 51:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:23Sam Morril?

  You ever do like a gas station rest stop and they have like the fucking thin toilet paper?

• 51:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:28Sam Morril?

  God damn it. I gotta stack it like 10 times.

• 51:31Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 51:35Mark Normand?

  Pull this up, we're talking public restrooms. That fucking restroom where it's like a dark plastic where it has the toilet papers hanging down. It's a two-part, two-paper holder. And you gotta pull it and it keeps tearing. So you gotta get momentum. And you gotta pull it, pull it just gently, but still firm enough to where you're holding it. I hate that fucking thing. Cause you're in a vulnerable situation. That guy.

• 51:57Speaker 01

  That guy.

• 51:57Mark Normand?

  I hate that guy.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  The other thing is fighting it, right?

• 52:00Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 52:01Speaker 01

  Horrible.

• 52:02Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 52:03Speaker 01

  This is the worst.

• 52:04Mark Normand?

  The worst.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  Oh my god, that makes me so angry.

• 52:06Mark Normand?

  It just keeps tearing and tearing. So you get like strip after strip. And you're wiping your ass with a fucking ransom note.

• 52:11Speaker 01

  I'd rather get a swastika tattoo than a tattoo of that. Look at that.

• 52:16Mark Normand?

  Looks like an old tape deck.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  It does.

• 52:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, come on, it's real to real.

• 52:20Sam Morril?

  That is maddening right there.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  That is real to real. Roll to roll.

• 52:23Mark Normand?

  Roll to roll.

• 52:23Sam Morril?

  This just reminds you of a bad shit.

• 52:25Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly. You're already vulnerable, your pants are at your ankles, you're getting blown. Give me a regular paper towel holder.

• 52:32Speaker 03

  I mean, the reason they have this is because people keep peeing on the toilet paper.

• 52:35Mark Normand?

  Is that what it is?

• 52:36Speaker 03

  Just people are maniacs.

• 52:38Speaker 01

  Wait, what are you getting? Is that real?

• 52:40Speaker 03

  Well, why is it encased in steel?

• 52:41Speaker 01

  Why is that the first thing you think of? Is that your instinct? Oh god, they got me again. I gotta pee on this toilet paper.

• 52:49Mark Normand?

  They're stealing the rolls, I think, maybe.

• 52:50Speaker 03

  Oh, good.

• 52:52Sam Morril?

  I got a couple peeves.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  I feel like that's more likely than they're gonna be peeing on the toilet roll. Yeah, what's your peeve?

• 52:59Sam Morril?

  I got one, someone asked me to do a favor. And then they said, and while I have you.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  No.

• 53:04Sam Morril?

  But I also, I was like, the favor's the favor.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:08Sam Morril?

  You don't get to stack on.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  You don't get to stack on. It's not like DoorDash where you're like, you have another 10 minutes to throw on another thing.

• 53:15Sam Morril?

  It's literally like someone's blowing you and you're like, could you do the dishes later too?

• 53:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:19Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 53:19Sam Morril?

  You're doing the one favor.

• 53:21Mark Normand?

  Yes, while I have you. That's crazy. That's like a CEO or something.

• 53:25Sam Morril?

  I was furious.

• 53:27Mark Normand?

  What was the favor?

• 53:28Sam Morril?

  I don't even wanna say it, cause it's gonna out the person.

• 53:30Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  Well, tell us this. How big was the second favor and how was it in comparison to the size of the first?

• 53:36Mark Normand?

  Good question.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  Which one was the bigger favor?

• 53:38Sam Morril?

  They were, they were equal level.

• 53:40Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 53:41Mark Normand?

  It should be lower, it's gotta be lower. The second favor has to be much less.

• 53:44Sam Morril?

  Hate the second favor.

• 53:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a total second favor, just the same size as the first one.

• 53:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true, it's two favors.

• 53:52Speaker 01

  What'd you do?

• 53:53Sam Morril?

  What I did, I'll tell you after, cause I'm gonna out the person, so.

• 53:55Mark Normand?

  All right, all right.

• 53:58Sam Morril?

  Let me, I had one other.

• 53:59Mark Normand?

  I got one. Uh, how about this guy? And this is, people have talked about this, so it's, I'm not breaking the, what is it? Reinventing the wheel here, but the guy, you know, the airport, you're finally getting boarding, you're boarding the plane, and they go, "Group one, group two." I'm in group two, so I start walking towards, we got a full, clear line forming. There's 10 people in line in group two, and you get the side guys.

• 54:21Speaker 01

  Oh, the side guys.

• 54:23Mark Normand?

  I hate these side, they swarm in on the side, and now all of a sudden, they're third in line, and I'm eighth, but I waited in line like a good citizen.

• 54:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:30Mark Normand?

  Now he's third.

• 54:30Speaker 01

  That is bullshit.

• 54:32Mark Normand?

  What is that?

• 54:33Sam Morril?

  It's entitlement.

• 54:34Mark Normand?

  It's entitlement? I guess so.

• 54:35Speaker 01

  It's entitlement.

• 54:36Mark Normand?

  But no one wants to, you know, be the Karen and go, "Hey, hey."

• 54:40Sam Morril?

  I, I'll call them out.

• 54:41Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 54:41Sam Morril?

  If they try to cut, I'm like, "Nope, I'll box out."

• 54:43Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 54:44Sam Morril?

  I hate that shit.

• 54:45Mark Normand?

  I hate it, the side, and they come from both sides. It's great, it's like.

• 54:48Sam Morril?

  My ex did that once, where she was so mad about it, that she, she boxed the people out and let others go in.

• 54:55Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:56Sam Morril?

  And, and the person cursed her out, and she goes, "Bye-bye."

• 54:59Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 55:00Sam Morril?

  She was like, hit her back with like a "Fuck you," I was like, "Alright."

• 55:02Mark Normand?

  Bye-bye.

• 55:03Sam Morril?

  I guess I'm in it with her right now.

• 55:04Mark Normand?

  I guess so.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  Rules. We live in a society.

• 55:07Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 55:07Sam Morril?

  I'm with you, dude.

• 55:08Mark Normand?

  Okay, what do you got?

• 55:10Sam Morril?

  What else do I have?

• 55:11Mark Normand?

  Uh. Uh, what was Galifenakis's one? A guy went up to him and goes, "You look just like Galifenakis, no offense."

• 55:19Speaker 01

  That's a great joke.

• 55:20Mark Normand?

  That's so good.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  I remember one of, one of the Galifenakis jokes I always think of, is like my grandf- I didn't like my last name, because it's so complicated. My grandfather, it's a beautiful name. It starts with a gal and ends with a kiss. And he says, "I wish my name was Zach Galifena-fuck."

• 55:36Mark Normand?

  He, he had some jokes that were like, "I don't know why that's funny, but it's so funny." He did on SNL monologue, he said, uh, "This is my impression of a guy from Queens." What, he got cargo shorts? That was it. That's the whole joke, but it's hilarious.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  I, I just, that was last year where he was like, he was, you know, when I was starting stand-up, he, I saw him on Conan as a stand-up with the piano.

• 55:56Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 55:57Speaker 01

  I was like, "That's one of my favorite stand-ups." Like, back, you know, when he was doing stand-up late 90s and stuff.

• 56:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Along with those Mr. Show guys and that whole scene, he was so fucking funny. And last year, he was in LA for a while, because he doesn't live in LA anymore. But he was going up a lot, so I was like seeing him go up a whole bunch and he's still just as funny.

• 56:14Mark Normand?

  He's a brilliant guy. I mean, Purple Onion, his presents was amazing.

• 56:18Sam Morril?

  When he had all the dancers come out?

• 56:20Mark Normand?

  The dancers, he pulls the Annie dress off, you know, that whole thing with the chorus.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  My first thing, right before moving to New York, I opened for Zack on the road. I did like a little tour with Zack before Hangover, but after a movie called Out Cold.

• 56:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yes, the snowboard.

• 56:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, big movie. He had, so he had like comedy, alt comedy nerds, and then also like bro-y people who liked the movie.

• 56:44Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:45Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 56:46Speaker 01

  There it is.

• 56:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Hangover, I think Todd Phillips fought to get him in. He's like, this guy's hilarious. And everybody's like, he's a no name, no one's heard of him, forget it. And he fought for it and it worked out, obviously.

• 56:55Sam Morril?

  I mean, yeah, you can't even picture someone else in that movie at this point, you know?

• 56:59Speaker 01

  He's so, I mean, that movie, you know, was like, oh, wow, a new comedy star has arrived.

• 57:03Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 57:05Speaker 01

  Funny. And then he kinda like, you know, he did that for a little bit, then he was like, I kinda wanna go off and do my own thing. So he did Baskets for a few years and that was a great show.

• 57:12Mark Normand?

  That was brilliant.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  Not like a big mainstream thing or anything. He just kinda does what he wants to do. He's like a true like, he has integrity, I think.

• 57:20Mark Normand?

  I agree, yeah. I think he lives in South Carolina or something.

• 57:24Speaker 01

  Uh, he used to live in North Carolina, now he lives in Canada somewhere.

• 57:27Mark Normand?

  Whoa, weird.

• 57:29Speaker 01

  Middle of nowhere.

• 57:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there's, I remember seeing a clip of him on YouTube when I was just starting in New York and he was playing on a piano in some shit bar and he goes, why am I not famous? Cause he was like bombing, playing the piano. And I remember relating to that, like, oh, I didn't think I was supposed to be famous, but I just knew that frustration.

• 57:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, why, why am I not connecting?

• 57:47Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:50Mark Normand?

  You know, it's like that old Bill Burr thing where he'd be like, I would go kill in Cleveland and then I'd come back to New York, I'm getting shit on, stepped on, I can't get booked. He's like, I'm killing in obscurity.

• 57:58Sam Morril?

  I love that quote. I think of that quote constantly.

• 58:01Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 58:01Sam Morril?

  Killing, killing in obscurity.

• 58:03Speaker 01

  Well, you know, that, that's, there's a lot of comics like that, you know, like, I mean, Jack Johansson's, you know, he's not, I think, as big as he should be.

• 58:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, totally.

• 58:11Speaker 01

  Like, he tours all year, does clubs, he doesn't do theaters. Crushes, you know, seven shows from Thursday to Sunday.

• 58:18Mark Normand?

  Clean.

• 58:19Speaker 01

  Huh?

• 58:19Mark Normand?

  Clean.

• 58:20Speaker 01

  New, all the time. I mean, that dude's got like probably fifteen different hours.

• 58:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:26Speaker 01

  All killer. And there's people like that, you know, like comics, you're like, you're so fucking funny and you just don't, people don't know how, you know, who was like that for a long time? Nate Bargatze.

• 58:36Mark Normand?

  Nate Bargatze.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  He was like that for a long time and now he's the biggest comic in the country.

• 58:40Mark Normand?

  Huge.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  I just did his movie. He's doing a movie.

• 58:43Mark Normand?

  He is?

• 58:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's like the lead of a big comedy.

• 58:46Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  And, uh, and I just went, you know, he's in the Chicago scene. He's from there.

• 58:51Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 58:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was with us back then.

• 58:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, I didn't even know that.

• 58:54Sam Morril?

  That is a loaded scene, man.

• 58:56Mark Normand?

  Crazy scene.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Nate Bargatze, yeah.

• 58:57Mark Normand?

  Wow. Guess Matt Ruby's the only one who blew it.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  He's not from Chicago.

• 59:03Mark Normand?

  Well, he's, I think he started there.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  I didn't know him there.

• 59:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he went to Northwestern. Is that there?

• 59:09Speaker 01

  He must have been up.

• 59:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:09Speaker 01

  Is he still, do you still see him?

• 59:11Mark Normand?

  He's at the Cellar.

• 59:11Sam Morril?

  I saw him last night.

• 59:12Speaker 01

  You guys do a show together, right?

• 59:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. If you ever want to do it, we do three shows in the city together.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  Which, uh, what night?

• 59:18Mark Normand?

  New York Comedy Club on Monday, Cellar on Tuesday, and the other New York on Wednesday.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  Which Cellar?

• 59:24Mark Normand?

  Uh, The Lounge. Fat Black.

• 59:26Sam Morril?

  It's a good workout room.

• 59:27Mark Normand?

  Sandler did it last night.

• 59:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was pretty cool.

• 59:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, just saying.

• 59:30Sam Morril?

  Pretty fun.

• 59:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:32Sam Morril?

  Are you, how long are you in town for?

• 59:35Speaker 01

  I leave tomorrow to go see my parents in Jersey, so I'm there for a few days.

• 59:38Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 59:39Speaker 01

  And then I go home. Um, I'm just in town for this, uh, you know, corporate.

• 59:43Mark Normand?

  You take breaks. You're like a healthy, sane human being. We've been touring the same amount since you left. We haven't taken a break. We're, we're gonna fall down of a heart attack one day. I'm so nervous to take a break because I feel like I'll lose it, but you can do it.

• 59:58Speaker 01

  Well, two things. One, you know, I-

• 1:00:01Sam Morril?

  He took a break and then he put a swastika on his arm, so it's not-

• 1:00:05Speaker 01

  I'm a cautionary tale. I'm not aspirational. For me, it was, you know, I was just touring. I got a little spoiled because like shooting is exhausting, but it's not the same as flying, doing a show, flying, doing a show.

• 1:00:20Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  That is- The only, like, when I'm touring, the only time I really love is that hour on stage. Or sometimes afterwards, like, I'll, I'll, now that I do theaters, I do, like, early shows. I'll do, like, 7:00 PM, I'll by 8:30, have dinner with Emily at 9:00, somewhere nice. Those are the things I like. I was, what I was doing last few months was really tough, was I was shooting during the week, and then on the weekends I was touring, which is what Bargazzi's doing right now.

• 1:00:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  It's too much, couldn't handle it.

• 1:00:50Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  I said, what helped me from taking the break was, you know, I took my break for, like, seven years, whatever. I went out, seeing people that I haven't seen in a long time, and you're like, some people, you're like, "Oh, you, you got better." But some people, I'm like, "You were funny then, and you're still funny, but you're the same." Like, not doing the same material, new bits, but I'm like, nothing's, like, progressed.

• 1:01:15Sam Morril?

  Ah.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  Your, your point of view hasn't changed, your jokes aren't better.

• 1:01:19Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  I was like, "You stayed the same."

• 1:01:21Sam Morril?

  You know, you know what Chris Rock said about that? He said, "It's like a basketball player, you need to, every offseason, you need to come back with, like, a new move."

• 1:01:27Speaker 01

  Hmm. That's so.

• 1:01:28Sam Morril?

  He's like, "What have you added to your bag?" It's true.

• 1:01:30Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  Absolutely true.

• 1:01:32Mark Normand?

  Yeesh.

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  And so that bummed me out.

• 1:01:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  The advantage I had taking a break and then coming back, I, one, I had to be a reason, I had to have a reason to come back, like, "Why am I doing this again?" Because, honestly, the only thing, tho- those years that I, I did not miss doing stand-up, because I was feeling fulfilled doing other stuff.

• 1:01:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:53Speaker 01

  What I missed was the feeling of being good at it.

• 1:01:55Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  The feeling of, "I used to be good at this and I'm not anymore," was a horrible feeling.

• 1:01:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  You know, you never saw me bomb, I took a few years off, like you said, drawing swastikas.

• 1:02:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  Horrible feeling. But the advantage I had of coming back after a break was, I got to, like, sort of restart and be like, "Okay, like, what do I wanna, how do I wanna be on stage?"

• 1:02:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  I got to have some distance, some objectivity, how do I wanna be on stage? What are the things I wanna talk about? Not in any kind of, like, heady or serious way, but it's like, what's funny to me now?

• 1:02:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:25Speaker 01

  How is that different from, you know, what was funny to me back?

• 1:02:29Sam Morril?

  Did you have to, like, relearn? Did you have to, like... Listen to old stuff of yours like, oh, this is my voice as a comic?

• 1:02:34Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  No, the weird, if you guys really wanna hear, for me, it's interesting. I don't know if it's interesting for anybody else. So I, I basically, you know, I was about to shoot this movie, the, the actor's strike happened. Suddenly, I was on this runway, ready to go do something, and then suddenly, like, so I was very fucking frustrated. I was like, okay, I'm gonna do stand up. And in those seven, eight years that I didn't do stand up, every now and then, I'd go up on stage and fuck around like the way I did with, you know, that Largo show.

• 1:02:59Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  But I was like, each time I'd do it, it was like, okay, I was like, I have to recreate the conditions of when I was really doing it.

• 1:03:05Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:03:06Speaker 01

  So over two weeks, I, I set up like seven or eight shows. And I was like, I'm gonna do all of these shows, and at the end of that, I'll know, I'll decide if I wanna do it.

• 1:03:15Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:03:15Speaker 01

  Then the last show of that run felt like old time.

• 1:03:18Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  All right, now it's got its hooks in me.

• 1:03:20Mark Normand?

  Cause you had some momentum, you felt better.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  It, I just felt like myself.

• 1:03:24Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:03:25Speaker 01

  For a moment, it was glimpses of how it used to feel.

• 1:03:27Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  You know that feeling of, and I don't have that feeling anymore, and I don't think it sounds arrogant to say, cause it's a past version of me. I remember having the feeling as a stand up at a certain point, being like, I can kill in any room, in any situation.

• 1:03:43Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  I had that confidence for a little bit.

• 1:03:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  Some of my time in New York, I had that.

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  The first two weeks I came back, first two, three, four weeks, I was doing great on stage. I was killing because I think, one, people were excited to see me, they hadn't seen me in a while. But I was also like nervous, so I was like, my energy was different, I was very present. As I got more comfortable on stage, I started not doing as well.

• 1:04:10Mark Normand?

  Huh.

• 1:04:10Speaker 01

  After the first few weeks, the next few weeks were not good. I wasn't, I wasn't, like, I was doing fine, but I wasn't like killing, I wasn't doing well. It was soft. I think it was because. I think it was because my muscle memory was defaulting me back to how I used to be on stage eight years ago. You know, you walk out, your heart's going, you pick up the mic, the feeling of putting it to the side, all that. And suddenly, I was doing stand-up the way I used to do it back then, and it felt fake to me. And it felt fake to them because I was like, I'm an older guy now. I'm like a different person than I was back then. I'm pretending to be like this other person that I'm kind of not anymore. And I think, you know, audiences can sniff when you're sincere.

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  When you're in it and you're not in it, they can sniff it, right?

• 1:04:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, totally.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  When it's just the words without the meaning, they laugh less.

• 1:05:00Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  So I think that's what it was. And so then I was like, okay, this is weird. So what I have to do is, I have to go out on stage and have no obligation to do well. I have to lean back and just see what happens, see how it comes out. And then, once I decided that, that I'm not gonna kill, I'm just gonna go out, lean back, and see how naturally I am on stage. That's when then, I finally think, that's when I started slowly making progress again. The other thing that was hard was learning to write stand-up again. Because, you know, I'd been writing scripts, and those are two very different things. Like, writing a script, actually, I think, makes you worse at writing stand-up. Because with the stand-up, you know, you do a setup.

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  Ideally, you do one setup, you got five, you got a punchline, you got four tags.

• 1:05:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:51Speaker 01

  Funny, funny, funny, funny, funny, funny. In a movie or TV show, you can't do that. You have to like, reset, and reset the stakes. So like, something like The Big Sick, you know, you have a laugh, then you gotta have something that grounds it again. Then you gotta have a laugh, then you gotta have something that grounds it again, so that you can ride that wave.

• 1:06:07Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:06:09Speaker 01

  Whereas, so you having like, in a movie like The Big Sick, having a funny sequence that's like, six or seven big laughs in a row can actually hurt your movie, can hurt the tone of the movie. Whereas in stand-up, that is the fucking goal. Be as funny as you can possibly be. So my instinct was always like, I'll have a punchline, then I'll have some more stuff to say, then I'll have a punchline. And I was like, oh, that's exactly wrong for stand-up. The goal for stand-up is to have like, five funny things to say in a row.

• 1:06:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, wow. And, but now you feel back.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  I feel back, yeah, yeah. And it took me like, honestly, it took me like two or three months and I was going up all the time and I was doing well, but when I wrote the first-

• 1:06:48Sam Morril?

  Was it painful?

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  No, I was really liking it. It was painful for those three or four weeks where I wasn't doing it.

• 1:06:54Sam Morril?

  Right, right.

• 1:06:55Speaker 01

  Cause then after that, suddenly I understood what the goal was and what I was reaching.

• 1:06:59Sam Morril?

  Cause there's not like riding a bike, cause you're saying like, I mean, you're literally having to reinvent yourself. You have the tools, like you've done this a long time, but you do have to reinvent yourself.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  And you relearned the lessons that you learned, that I learned over 10 years. I relearned them, but over the course of two months, where you remember like, oh, right, yeah, that thing that I learned.

• 1:07:16Sam Morril?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:07:17Speaker 01

  That thing, like, just little ways, like you were saying, the riffing up top, like little things like that, that you remember like, oh, right, I knew this and had forgotten it.

• 1:07:27Speaker 01

  I do feel, I do feel like I'm back. I was really loving doing it, but I really felt when I had my first new bit that I wrote, that's like a six or seven minute long bit, that I was like, oh, this bit kills, this bit I would say would hold up against the best stuff that I've ever done for me. And that's when I was like, okay, now I know I'm capable of it. I know I can write a bit as funny as that, as I used to, and that then helped me, you know, more.

• 1:07:57Mark Normand?

  Wow. It's almost like the Roger Bannister. He did the four minute mile, then everybody did it. But you needed the first guy to do it, so you can go, oh, I can do it.

• 1:08:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's possible.

• 1:08:07Mark Normand?

  Like the 900, Tony Hawk did the 900. Now like 12 year olds are doing 900s, you know, but you need the first guy to do it.

• 1:08:13Speaker 01

  That's so interesting.

• 1:08:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:15Speaker 01

  Imagine the first guy who dunked in basketball.

• 1:08:17Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:08:18Speaker 01

  They were like, we didn't know you'd do that. You just touched the rim.

• 1:08:21Mark Normand?

  The damn Negro leagues.

• 1:08:23Sam Morril?

  Well, you see those old clips of Wilt Chamberlain and he's just, he's just so much bigger than everyone.

• 1:08:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:28Sam Morril?

  You're like, holy shit.

• 1:08:29Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:08:30Sam Morril?

  This is like a god.

• 1:08:31Mark Normand?

  I mean, look at this guy. Wilt the Stilt.

• 1:08:34Sam Morril?

  He was incredible. I mean, some of the shit he was doing back then is-

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  But then you look at these guys now, like, you know, when you see like Wemby or whatever, where like, guys that tall that can move like that, that's new. That's-

• 1:08:46Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  It was never like that.

• 1:08:48Mark Normand?

  It's crazy.

• 1:08:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:50Mark Normand?

  It just keeps getting better.

• 1:08:51Sam Morril?

  His talent is crazy. That guy, and he's also like an interesting guy. He was at like a monastery. He's like a-

• 1:08:56Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:08:57Sam Morril?

  He's like sophisticated, you know, he's reading. He's like, he's not like all these other-

• 1:09:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yannis is awesome too. Like, he's also like, he moves like that and he's so tall and-

• 1:09:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:08Mark Normand?

  Yanis Pappas.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  Yanis Pappas.

• 1:09:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:11Sam Morril?

  No, Yanis is great, man.

• 1:09:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah. So what do you got cooking? We, uh, we'll get you out of here, but, uh, you can see in Zarzaz 2.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. I should make Zarzaz 2.

• 1:09:20Sam Morril?

  Are you on the road?

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got some dates coming up. I'll tell you where to go. You go to Linktree slash Kamel Nanjiani.

• 1:09:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, you just, you got it.

• 1:09:32Mark Normand?

  You can spell it out. It's pretty phonetic.

• 1:09:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's pretty easy.

• 1:09:35Speaker 01

  I think it's, uh, there you go.

• 1:09:36Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 1:09:38Speaker 01

  First one right there. Oh, here? Yeah.

• 1:09:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, mama.

• 1:09:42Speaker 01

  So see, I got a bunch of dates. I got, uh, by, I don't know if this will be Ben Salem, Newark, Brooklyn.

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  Okay, great. So Edmonton, Milwaukee, Ann Arbor, Grand Rapids, London. I'm going to London, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Boston, Cincinnati, Nashville, Vegas, Orlando, Tampa, Fort Lauderdale. Not as many as you guys, but that's a real tour.

• 1:10:05Mark Normand?

  That's a great tour. The Wilbur, Tampa Theater, these are great rooms.

• 1:10:08Sam Morril?

  I'm thinking of maybe doing my next special there. I kinda like it.

• 1:10:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:11Sam Morril?

  It's gorgeous theater.

• 1:10:12Mark Normand?

  I thought the same thing.

• 1:10:14Speaker 01

  I'll tell you where, you know, I got to do this tour, whatever, that I started in August and then I'm taking a little break. I realized my favorite venues are like those sort of theaters that are like 100, 110, 120 years old.

• 1:10:28Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:10:28Speaker 01

  My favorites are, there was one in North Carolina, the, in Durham, the Carolina.

• 1:10:34Sam Morril?

  It's a great one.

• 1:10:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, I've done that one. Yes, yes.

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  I would record a special there. Um, and the venue that I did in Atlanta Theater, uh, I would record a special there. I don't remember the name of it now. Uh, maybe.

• 1:10:47Mark Normand?

  Buckhead Theater or the Symphony Hall?

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  The Moore is in Seattle.

• 1:10:51Mark Normand?

  Moore is great.

• 1:10:52Sam Morril?

  The Moore in Seattle is elite.

• 1:10:54Speaker 01

  I would do it, I would do it there.

• 1:10:55Sam Morril?

  Burgess did his last one there. It's beautiful.

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  I would, I would do it there. Um, but I did, I did mine at The Vic in Chicago.

• 1:11:02Mark Normand?

  I did mine there too.

• 1:11:02Sam Morril?

  Classic.

• 1:11:03Speaker 01

  Great.

• 1:11:03Mark Normand?

  Great room.

• 1:11:04Speaker 01

  I did it because when I opened for Zach Galifianakis there in 2006, I remember being like, someday I'll headline here.

• 1:11:11Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:11:13Speaker 01

  That's, this is the first time I was like, I gotta do my special there, yeah.

• 1:11:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cool.

• 1:11:17Speaker 01

  Chicago, that's. Where I started stand up, that's where I met Emily. I was like, gotta go back and do it there.

• 1:11:21Mark Normand?

  That's beautiful.

• 1:11:22Sam Morril?

  Great city.

• 1:11:22Mark Normand?

  Great town.

• 1:11:23Speaker 01

  Great city, except for six months out of the year. It is really brutal.

• 1:11:28Mark Normand?

  It's brutal.

• 1:11:29Sam Morril?

  Red Bank, New Jersey, the Count Basie Theater in July, then I'm at the Wilbur in, uh, in Boston in August. Then we got, uh, Irvine Improv, I'm doing a weekend there in August. Oklahoma City, Brick Town Comedy, that's a great one. Uh, the Venetian in Vegas, September 19th, Rochester, New York, trying to tighten some stuff in clubs. Chicago Theater, October 4th.

• 1:11:50Speaker 01

  Ooh, that's good. Chicago Theater's real nice.

• 1:11:52Mark Normand?

  That's a special one.

• 1:11:53Sam Morril?

  As good as it gets. Winnipeg, Salt Lake City, and then we got Carnegie Hall in New York.

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  Carnegie Hall.

• 1:11:58Sam Morril?

  Let's go. See you guys out.

• 1:12:00Speaker 01

  How big is the Carnegie Hall?

• 1:12:01Sam Morril?

  I think it's like 36 or something. I don't, I don't.

• 1:12:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, 35, 36.

• 1:12:06Speaker 01

  Oh, awesome.

• 1:12:07Sam Morril?

  I'm pumped.

• 1:12:08Mark Normand?

  Very exciting. That's a special room, great room, and a local boy makes good.

• 1:12:13Sam Morril?

  Go, go to our sites, punchup.live slash Samorell, punchup.live slash Mark Norman. Mark, where you gonna be?

• 1:12:19Mark Normand?

  Hey, I'm at the Melody Tent in Cape Cod, then I'm at the, uh, Connecticut, what is it, Foxwoods and Parks Casino, you're there.

• 1:12:27Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that's, that's where I am too, yeah.

• 1:12:28Mark Normand?

  I hear that's great. Uh, then we're off to New Zealand, Melbourne, Sydney, Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, and back in the Hamptons, Calgary, Vegas, Dallas, and Akron, Ohio. That's the beauty of stand up. You know, you go to, you go to Sydney, Australia, then you're like, now we're going to Akron. And Dayton, Halifax.

• 1:12:51Speaker 01

  People are like, how do you stay grounded? Well.

• 1:12:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Ohio is how we do it.

• 1:12:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:56Mark Normand?

  Ottawa, Huntsville. And, uh, yeah, come on out, go check us out, get some Bodega Cat.

• 1:13:02Sam Morril?

  Bodega Cat Whiskey.com, DM us, uh, the Instagram account, Bodega Cat Whiskey, if you want us in your bar or you're in, uh,

• 1:13:08Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:13:09Sam Morril?

  Matt at the streamlab.com, is that it?

• 1:13:12Mark Normand?

  Something like that, Matt Herman.

• 1:13:14Sam Morril?

  I fucked it up. Yeah, just go to the, just Instagram message the Bodega Cat Whiskey, he'll message you.

• 1:13:19Speaker 01

  I'm at Gallagher in Ohio.

• 1:13:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, there you go. That'll keep you grounded.

• 1:13:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, time comes for us all.

• 1:13:28Mark Normand?

  Go see Kumail on the road. Thanks for coming in. We might be drunk. We did it. Comedy.

• 1:14:20Speaker 04

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