Ep 225: Drunk History w/ Chris DiStefano & Yannis Pappas

Time for a Drunk History Lesson with Yannis Pappas and Chris DiStefano joining for a really great episode with so many laughs and a bit of history thrown in. Check out the Hyenas : https://www.historyhyenasisback.com Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order with promo code DRUNK at https://www.sheathunderwear.com Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Yannis: https://www.yannispappascomedy.com Chris DiStefano: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcastomedy Tour Dates Announcement Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Hey, we're here, folks. We might be drunk. We got the hyenas. What's shaking, boys?

• 0:10Speaker 01

  We're back, baby. Our ticket sales dropped and we have to get back together.

• 0:14Mark Normand?

  Tell me, bud.

• 0:17Speaker 02

  I have a side job.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's what it is. We're Uber pooling it.

• 0:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:21Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 0:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm working on my pilot's license.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  What, really?

• 0:26Speaker 02

  My pilot's license.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  No, you're not.

• 0:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, really? No.

• 0:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:29Mark Normand?

  I'm working for ICE. I'm cleaning up. I'm making a fortune.

• 0:32Sam Morril?

  Burr has a pilot's license. That's why I don't know.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  I know.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  He does, yeah.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:36Speaker 02

  And, uh, I mean...

• 0:38Mark Normand?

  Just don't Sig Hile around him. Look how he...

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, for Republican crowds, he may need to... That may be his job.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  I heard you and John Samos have the same father.

• 0:45Speaker 02

  Who, me and Samos?

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:46Mark Normand?

  What?

• 0:47Speaker 02

  It's very possible.

• 0:47Speaker 01

  No, I was making a Bill Burr, Billy Corgan joke.

• 0:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, right.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  First 30 seconds and a bomb.

• 0:52Sam Morril?

  What was that move by Howie Mandel? When did he become fucking Maury Povich?

• 0:56Speaker 01

  That was a stupid move.

• 0:57Sam Morril?

  That was a strange move.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:58Mark Normand?

  He's a germaphobe. He doesn't have much. He's got to have gimmicks.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Bill should have just touched his hands.

• 1:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Should have licked his fingers.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, you don't want to throw any surprises at Burr.

• 1:07Mark Normand?

  Well, look at that. I mean, that is dead on. That dad is definitely a piece of shit.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  That is, really. But I mean, do you think some of it is that they're both bald? Like, if they both had hair, then it would definitely...

• 1:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I heard he fucked Jason Statham's mom and Vin Diesel's.

• 1:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21Sam Morril?

  That guy's Gary Vayner's dad, too. Terrible father.

• 1:24Mark Normand?

  Right. And Jeff Ross.

• 1:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:28Speaker 02

  We should have Burr on and surprise him with Elon Musk.

• 1:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's big.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, those... He's loved... Those two guys are having a love fest right now.

• 1:37Speaker 01

  That's it, baby.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38Speaker 01

  We'll call Tim Dillon.

• 1:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:39Speaker 01

  Get Elon on the phone.

• 1:40Mark Normand?

  Apparently, he said Musk suppressed him on Twitter. He's like, "I got off Twitter because every time I make fun of him, I get no views."

• 1:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can't go on Twitter without seeing Elon. I can't... There's two things.

• 1:50Mark Normand?

  Me neither.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  And here's the deal. When I go on Twitter, I'm either seeing an Elon Musk tweet or I'm seeing, like, hardcore, uncut...

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Unadulterated antisemitism.

• 2:02Mark Normand?

  Big Jew hate.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  It's huge.

• 2:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I was worried that was just.

• 2:06Speaker 01

  We're back, baby.

• 2:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, it's huge.

• 2:08Sam Morril?

  It's good to know that's just not my feed and that's everyone's.

• 2:10Mark Normand?

  No.

• 2:11Sam Morril?

  Very common.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  It is getting bad, that antisemitism is getting crazy.

• 2:14Mark Normand?

  It doesn't help that I heart all of them.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, the problem is I can't look away.

• 2:18Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  My whole feed now is just that because I want to know what's going on.

• 2:22Sam Morril?

  Same here, I only follow Kanye, so it's getting rough.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:26Mark Normand?

  But that merch is well made, I gotta be honest.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Well, it's good, you know, I'll say what you want about the symbol, but the quality is top notch.

• 2:32Sam Morril?

  Good cotton?

• 2:33Speaker 01

  Soft cotton.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, and his new album, I think, is just a swastika. And his new studio is two swastikas.

• 2:40Mark Normand?

  You know what's weird is Kanye has got all the swastikas. He wants to be a Nazi. And then Elon Musk is a Hile, but he doesn't want to be a Nazi.

• 2:47Speaker 02

  Right.

• 2:47Mark Normand?

  So it's almost like they should switch places. Kanye was probably like, you did the Hile?

• 2:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:51Mark Normand?

  I'm doing that. That's my thing.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  Well, the funny thing is, is everyone was going like, it wasn't a Hile, it wasn't a Hile. And then you turn on Nick Fuentes, who is a, you know, he's an out Nazi.

• 3:01Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 3:02Speaker 02

  And Nick Fuentes was like, fuck yeah.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Nazis have to come out now.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Oh, no, he's not even, there's no closets in his house.

• 3:08Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 3:09Speaker 02

  He lives in a studio apartment, you can see all the walls. I mean, he is a Nazi and he wants you to know about Kid Nick Fuentes. And he said, he was like, yeah, Elon Musk fucking.

• 3:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, there you go.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  That was a Nazi salute. He was like, it was enthusiastic.

• 3:21Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  So Nazis think it was a salute, but everyone else says, thinks it's an autistic dick.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  What's his name? Nick Fuentes?

• 3:28Mark Normand?

  I don't know this guy.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Latino name.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  I'm supposed to be the Puerto Rican Nazi.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  Dude, racists are more diverse than anything right now. I mean, you know.

• 3:35Mark Normand?

  That's true. Oh, Salakew, look at who just showed up.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  You better have been late because you're cutting my fucking promos.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:42Sam Morril?

  It is getting more diverse. Clan rallies have Black Lives Matter stickers now.

• 3:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, Kanye is the James Robinson of Nazis.

• 3:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 3:50Sam Morril?

  I saw you do a bit about that, it was really funny.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's true, right?

• 3:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Salakew looks good, cleanly shaven.

• 3:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  I like it, just the stash. I love it.

• 4:00Mark Normand?

  Are you on camera? Okay. Let's turn that one off. No, good to have you. Is this the kid?

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he is a full-blown out, you know, white supremacist, like, it's just like,

• 4:10Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  He's all about, like, hating the Jews.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Interesting.

• 4:14Mark Normand?

  It's funny, because we keep calling people Nazis, like Obama was a Nazi, Trump's a Nazi, but we actually have Nazis?

• 4:19Speaker 02

  No, they're, yeah, they're, we got a lot of them, yeah.

• 4:21Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 4:21Sam Morril?

  And you guys want the title.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, now they want it, now they want it.

• 4:24Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  It's just out, and what, I read, uh, Victor Frankl's book, uh, Man's Search for Meaning, he was a Holocaust survivor, and he says in the book, that if you would have told him, and the people that he lived, I think he was living in Germany as, as a Jew, that in 1930, so 15 years-ish before the Holocaust stuff, that they would have been, this would have happened to them, like, and they would've said, "You're crazy," like, that's, barbarians did that 200 years ago, we're civilized. So every point in civilization, you think you're the most civilized, that you won't do that again, and then it happens again.

• 4:56Mark Normand?

  We're all the same, we just keep repeating everything.

• 4:58Sam Morril?

  They went after the rich, German Jews, and they were like, "These guys control everything."

• 5:02Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 5:03Sam Morril?

  And that's how it starts. That's where every conspiracy theory either starts or ends, with Jews running everything.

• 5:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, you do have a hand on a lot of things.

• 5:11Sam Morril?

  We do, yeah, we do.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  You got any spidey senses? Do you feel some tingling? Is it? Are you getting nervous around microwaves and shit?

• 5:18Mark Normand?

  Can you tell if a hurricane's coming?

• 5:20Sam Morril?

  It might be an STD, I don't know. I don't know what it is.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Are you feeling any Jew stuff?

• 5:26Sam Morril?

  Eh, you just gotta get off your phone. No, I don't, not from like, my crowd, not from like, it's not like I go into a gas station, I'm like, "Oh shit." Uh, no, but, you know, yeah, you gotta just get off Twitter.

• 5:34Mark Normand?

  Well, Jews have the cloak of a white guy. You know, or...

• 5:38Speaker 02

  Undercover.

• 5:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  They're like Cubans.

• 5:40Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're like, "Are you Latin?" You're like, "Are you?"

• 5:43Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 5:44Speaker 02

  Because you look Swedish, dude.

• 5:45Sam Morril?

  You just gotta, you just gotta not let your Jewish tendencies come out, so you, so you're busted, like, you can't send food back.

• 5:51Mark Normand?

  Right, no Pepto.

• 5:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  Right, not Pepsi DC on. That doesn't help.

• 5:56Sam Morril?

  I wonder who that one belongs to.

• 5:58Mark Normand?

  When it breaks in.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Now you gotta like, you're feeling that, though, right? You can't have an anxiety attack in public, you gotta go into the bathroom. Don't let any sign show.

• 6:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 6:09Speaker 02

  If someone says, "Is there any food allergies at the table?" You just go, "Nope."

• 6:11Sam Morril?

  Nope.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  Then you just deal with the rash.

• 6:13Sam Morril?

  Just take it.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  You gotta deal with going to the hospital.

• 6:16Mark Normand?

  But you guys dominate, like, I gave birth in a Jewish hospital, and there was a lot of different races and whatnot. Saw some, uh, what are you, those Muslim head things?

• 6:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 6:24Mark Normand?

  So when it comes to the hospital, they want ya. Like, you see a Jewish doctor walk in, you go, "All right, we're gonna be okay."

• 6:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:30Mark Normand?

  You know, so you're... they, they, they pick and choose.

• 6:33Speaker 02

  They do. It's funny that the conspiracy never goes to that. Like, why are there... They're only 2% of the population, but they're 14% of doctors. Nobody ever goes, "Hey, what are they doing?"

• 6:42Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Well, didn't we say, didn't we talk about on History and History that it's actually a stat that Ashkenazi Jews are the smartest race, the highest intelligence, like, data-measured?

• 6:53Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 6:54Speaker 02

  You just look at the Nobel Peace Prizes.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  And it's Ashkenazi.

• 6:56Sam Morril?

  According to RFK, we're also the best at dodging COVID, which I was like, "I've never heard about Jews being good at dodging any illness."

• 7:03Speaker 02

  He did say that.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  The only issue with Ashkenazi Jews is they're the smartest, but they all look like Ari.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:08Mark Normand?

  Ew, it's a tough trade-off.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  You know, but that's why Jesus is like, "Hey, I can't give it, give it all."

• 7:12Speaker 02

  Don't you feel like the right is starting to gaslight in some way, the way the left did?

• 7:16Mark Normand?

  What do you mean?

• 7:17Speaker 02

  The left would be like, you'd be like, "Hey, is that a dude swimming in the pool?" And they're like, "That is a woman." And you're going, "She's 6'6". And you're going, and then you go, they go, "Yeah, she was a guy. Two years ago, she was a male swimmer."

• 7:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  And it's totally fine, 'cause now she...

• 7:30Speaker 01

  DeRosa jumps in the pool, starts blowing her.

• 7:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  And everyone's just going like, "That's a girl. That's just cool. There's nothing wrong with that." And like, it's kinda, you're going like, "Okay."

• 7:40Mark Normand?

  Very gaslighty.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  And now you're going, you're watching Elon just go like...

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  And he's like, "It's an autistic chick, dude."

• 7:47Sam Morril?

  I don't think he's a Nazi, but I do think he's sig-haled.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  I mean...

• 7:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 7:51Mark Normand?

  But isn't that...

• 7:51Speaker 02

  I'm in full across?

• 7:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, twice.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:55Mark Normand?

  That's a cultural appropriation, too, by the way. Why don't we call up cultural appropriation when you're Nazi-hiled?

• 7:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:59Mark Normand?

  'Cause you're not a Nazi, so where's the, the left on that?

• 8:03Speaker 02

  Right. Well, where's the Germans speaking up?

• 8:05Mark Normand?

  Ah-ha!

• 8:05Speaker 02

  That's our culture.

• 8:06Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  You culture-voucher?

• 8:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 8:08Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 8:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah. My mother came home, she's like, "Did you see the good news what Elon did?"

• 8:14Mark Normand?

  The right is also getting canceling. I posted a Baron Trump joke and it was like, "This is appalling, you should be ashamed," or abortion joke they get mad at. You're like,

• 8:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:21Mark Normand?

  Wait, wait, now you sound like the blue haired queef.

• 8:23Sam Morril?

  Everyone's cool until you fuck with their shit.

• 8:25Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  Silence is violence unless you speak up and say something they don't agree with. Then you're a piece of shit.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:31Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:32Mark Normand?

  Everyone's full of shit. Like, "Big is beautiful. Hey, we got Ozempic. Put that in my ass."

• 8:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:36Mark Normand?

  "I thought it was beautiful, you fat fuck. You made me call you pretty."

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. It just shows.

• 8:42Speaker 01

  Literally Ozempic is a drug that we are like, you know how like, people used to walk around with like scurvy? You see that? Obesity and therefore type 2 diabetes, like they don't have to exist. We can fully eradicate it with Ozempic and Mounjaro and all that, but it's this life-saving drug, but now people are against it because they're like, "Hey, you know, don't, don't label me that I lost my weight on Ozempic."

• 9:04Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 9:04Speaker 01

  Who gives a fuck? Just lose the weight, you fat.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:07Speaker 02

  Fat fat.

• 9:08Sam Morril?

  People say they're cheating, but it's like, you know.

• 9:09Speaker 01

  No, it's a drug. You're, you're-

• 9:11Sam Morril?

  We don't do that with anything. A woman gets breast implants. We're not like, she cheated. We're like, cool.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:16Mark Normand?

  Great.

• 9:16Sam Morril?

  You know?

• 9:17Speaker 02

  I like natties, though.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  I like natties, too.

• 9:19Sam Morril?

  Natties are great.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  I don't like inflighties.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  I don't mind fake boobs. I don't like a fake butt and I don't like fake lips or Botox, but I don't know, I don't mind a little, you know, whatever, fake tit. Don't hurt anybody.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  It doesn't?

• 9:29Speaker 01

  I don't love it. I'd rather, I think everybody prefer natural.

• 9:31Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  You know, but I don't-

• 9:33Sam Morril?

  They make some good fake tits these days.

• 9:34Speaker 01

  They do.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, they do.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  They really do.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  They really do.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  You can't tell. The fake butt, I'm not into at all.

• 9:39Sam Morril?

  No.

• 9:39Mark Normand?

  No.

• 9:40Speaker 01

  I don't like that.

• 9:40Sam Morril?

  I feel like that's how every influencer dies, just like a butt implant.

• 9:43Mark Normand?

  A butt implant.

• 9:43Sam Morril?

  Always in Mexico.

• 9:44Mark Normand?

  Right. I was gonna say, but Amber Rose and Kim K got the butt taken out.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, it's-

• 9:50Speaker 02

  Those are some bad ones.

• 9:51Mark Normand?

  Yikes.

• 9:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  What the hell was happening before?

• 9:54Speaker 02

  Those are what you call third world tits.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  That's when, yeah, that's when you go to Chile or you go to Madagascar, you're like, give me some implants.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  Right.

• 10:02Sam Morril?

  Who, who releases these photos? This is a bad doctor.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  I guess this is lawsuits.

• 10:08Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  My tits came out like that, I'd go lawsuit.

• 10:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, nose job was the original fake tit.

• 10:13Speaker 01

  What was the nose job? Oh, that was the original one?

• 10:15Speaker 02

  E-nim.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Right there. I can't tell those two apart.

• 10:19Speaker 02

  That's racist. This is all not going anywhere, you know?

• 10:23Mark Normand?

  No.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  What, this podcast episode?

• 10:26Sam Morril?

  Or our careers, which one?

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Maybe all of it. But fake tits, trans technology, it's going nowhere. People are resisting it, but you know, they also resisted. Remember when Netflix used to do the DVDs?

• 10:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:37Speaker 02

  And then they switched to streaming and people rebelled and they canceled all their Netflix subscriptions?

• 10:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  When the new technology came out. That's what they're kind of doing with trans. They're like resisting going, but you're like, this technology's not going anywhere.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  It's not going anywhere.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  No.

• 10:51Sam Morril?

  It's only gonna get better.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  It's only gonna get better.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  And it'll get probably more acceptable as time goes on where it's like you can just marry a trans woman and nobody even bats an eye.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  People are just gonna give in. The future's gonna be, the future's gonna be wild.

• 11:02Sam Morril?

  Wait till we take We Might Be Drunk to Thailand.

• 11:04Mark Normand?

  Woo, ladyboy!

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  Once, wait, wait till the robots come out and then the, the trans women are gonna start protesting the robots.

• 11:13Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  Well dude, did you ever see that movie that just came out with Megan Fox as a robot?

• 11:17Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  That's a real thing that could happen. It's one of the hottest things I've ever seen. She go, she's, she's smoking hot. It's Megan Fox and she goes to her owner, cause the wife is in the hospital. She goes, "I sense that you're depressed." She goes, "And I also sense a, um, an increase in blood pressure. There are certain things I can do to relieve your stress about your wife." And then, and then, and then she goes, "Oh, I've just calculated a rise in blood pressure in your genitals."

• 11:41Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 11:41Speaker 01

  You know, and then it's like, it's like, so it's all scientific.

• 11:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  But then her hand opens up and it's just a flesh line and she starts fucking jerking them.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  So she basically just acts like an Asian woman, which is great.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 11:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, just very subservient. That's what you kind of like once in a while.

• 11:53Mark Normand?

  Well, that's what we just want to go back to that. Let's be honest.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  But no, the, the trans women will look at the robots and go, "Hey, no, we're the fucking artificial women, not you."

• 12:00Mark Normand?

  Ooh!

• 12:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:02Mark Normand?

  But then they're gonna go, "Women are women. Robot women are women."

• 12:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, robots will be like, "Robot women are women."

• 12:07Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 12:07Speaker 02

  And the trans women will be like, "No, we're the trans women that are women."

• 12:09Mark Normand?

  But they can't win the swim meet, cause they'll malfunction in the water.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  They can't, they can't.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  But the liberals-

• 12:14Speaker 02

  Robots won't be able to fucking do. The only way, they'll beat us in everything except swimming.

• 12:18Mark Normand?

  It's like black people.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:21Sam Morril?

  The liberals will let in the robots too. And they'll be like, we have to be, we have to accept the robots.

• 12:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:27Sam Morril?

  And then the robots will kill all of us.

• 12:29Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 12:30Sam Morril?

  That's how it's gonna happen. They're gonna be like, no, we need to, we need to tolerate them. And then they're gonna...

• 12:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's like, uh, Native Americans.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  Is safe in the pool. That's it.

• 12:39Mark Normand?

  And hockey, a little bit. They're, they're starting to bleed in.

• 12:42Speaker 02

  It's gotta be a H2O, either frozen or liquid.

• 12:44Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly. Woo, now wait a minute.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  That's a good one.

• 12:49Mark Normand?

  We got Leah Thomas dominating, the other lady, whatever. Why aren't trans women going into the WNBA?

• 12:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:57Mark Normand?

  What, what's taking so long? That could save the sport.

• 12:59Speaker 02

  Right.

• 13:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 13:00Mark Normand?

  The sports, uh, no one watches.

• 13:02Sam Morril?

  Do you want a man?

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:03Mark Normand?

  Do you want a man?

• 13:04Sam Morril?

  No one even watched that movie.

• 13:05Mark Normand?

  No.

• 13:06Sam Morril?

  No one wants to see that.

• 13:07Mark Normand?

  I didn't see that.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  I mean, Brittany Griner's in there. You can't tell me...

• 13:10Mark Normand?

  But I'm talking man to woman.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  You're talking man to...

• 13:12Mark Normand?

  She's, she's going woman to...

• 13:13Speaker 02

  Griner, yeah.

• 13:14Speaker 01

  No, Brittany Griner's just a, I think she's just a lesbo, but you think she looks like a man.

• 13:18Mark Normand?

  I thought that was Pete Davidson.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  I think the verdict is not out. I mean...

• 13:21Speaker 01

  He got his tattoos removed.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  She looks like she's never had tits.

• 13:23Sam Morril?

  I heard her on Fresh Air, and she said when she goes in the bathroom, she has to pull down her pants so people aren't mad.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  Right.

• 13:30Sam Morril?

  People be like, what the fuck? And then she has to like, show she's the vagina. And people are like, sorry.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:34Sam Morril?

  Which is like, you gotta feel kinda bad.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  You do.

• 13:36Mark Normand?

  Another thing robots won't have to worry about.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  What, are you tucked back?

• 13:39Speaker 02

  Cause her voice is very masculine too.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  She is, yeah.

• 13:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 13:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, there will, there has to be a trans man, or like, in any sport. Well, the boxer controversy.

• 13:48Speaker 02

  Well, you could do, yeah.

• 13:49Sam Morril?

  But that was a woman, wasn't it?

• 13:50Speaker 01

  That was. She just had really high levels of testosterone.

• 13:52Speaker 02

  Well, this is how you know sports should be separated by sex and not gender identity, because there is no controversy on the other side.

• 13:59Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 13:59Speaker 02

  Because if there was a trans man who could cover Odell Beckham Jr. in the open field, I mean, those jerseys would fly off the fucking...

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 14:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  That would be a hero. But it's just not possible.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  Right, yeah.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  It's not possible for someone who was born a woman to cover Odell Beckham.

• 14:14Mark Normand?

  Well, how do they argue that? Like, if you said that to like, a trans activist, how would they...

• 14:17Speaker 02

  They can't because, uh, there's nothing you can say, cause it's true. Cause there is no controversy on, there's no, there's no conservatives getting riled up about trans men in men's sports, because they can't, because sports is separated by sex and not gender identity. And that there is no controversy on the male side shows that there's an unfair advantage for trans women going into women's sport.

• 14:37Mark Normand?

  And very interesting.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  And it's just what it is. You can support trans women, but you gotta say, hey, sports are separated by sex, not gender identity. And then you just end the whole fucking thing.

• 14:45Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 14:46Speaker 02

  Just defuse the whole thing.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:47Mark Normand?

  And you're running for office.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  Yeah. You go, "Trans women are for sneak, secretly sneaking around with, but not sports."

• 14:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Right, very simple thing.

• 14:56Mark Normand?

  And put them in the military, that would scare the Russians.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, trans women.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  They're in my internet history and then they get erased immediately.

• 15:01Speaker 02

  Trans women.

• 15:02Sam Morril?

  That was, that was the joke I tried the other night, but being trans is already kinda like being in the military because you gotta get a new haircut and you gotta figure out how to work a different piece. And, and your dad is like, "Hope he comes back."

• 15:14Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 15:15Speaker 04

  Have you heard there's a call in the WNBA to lower the rim?

• 15:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 15:20Speaker 02

  Really?

• 15:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, to make it more like, you know, more dunking, more activity around the rim.

• 15:25Mark Normand?

  It would help numbers.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  It would help numbers, because the thing is with the WNBA, it's not men not watching it, it's women not watching.

• 15:30Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's so, so you can't blame that on men, because the women, I've, I've, I've two daughters. I've asked my older daughter, "Let's go to WNBA games," she's like, "These are not as fun as the Knicks games."

• 15:39Mark Normand?

  No.

• 15:40Sam Morril?

  They're getting better, though, they are getting better.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, they are.

• 15:42Sam Morril?

  They are getting better.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  Katelyn Clark is.

• 15:44Sam Morril?

  I like it, I love it, yeah.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Katelyn Clark is awesome to watch.

• 15:46Speaker 02

  She's awesome, and the reason why she's awesome is not because she's white, doesn't hurt. You know, there's a lot of white people in the country, but it's because she shoot bombs.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  She shoots bombs.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  That's like the dunk in women's basketball, whoa, she shot it from.

• 15:59Sam Morril?

  Well, dude, in the NBA, who's more fun to watch than Steph Curry?

• 16:02Speaker 01

  No, he's the best.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  Well, you know, and dunks are fun, dunks are fun. Mac McClung, it's like, give him a contract, dude.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  But he's not in the NBA.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, just put him somewhere, I mean.

• 16:10Sam Morril?

  It's so sad the way they wheel him out at All-Star Weekend every year, like a freak show.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I mean, just, he's a white kid who can dunk, like.

• 16:16Mark Normand?

  Really? I don't know this kid.

• 16:17Sam Morril?

  He's in the G League, he's won the last three dunk contests.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  He's unbelievable.

• 16:20Mark Normand?

  Really? Pull him up.

• 16:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's, he jumps over cars, he's, he's unbelievable, this kid.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  Just throw him on the Kings to sell tickets, you know?

• 16:27Sam Morril?

  Mac McClung.

• 16:28Speaker 01

  McClung, and you know what's happening now, it's same thing that's happening in comedy. These kids, they get drafted to the NBA or D1 scholarships because they go viral on social media from the stuff they can do, and then they get an agent, like we would, and it's the same thing.

• 16:41Mark Normand?

  Whoa, look at this, look at this hockey fly.

• 16:44Speaker 02

  He's 6'2" and he's white.

• 16:45Mark Normand?

  6'2"!

• 16:47Speaker 01

  Look at how sick this is.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  This is crazy.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  The thing is, is like, even the best dunkers in the NBA just can't do this.

• 16:53Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 16:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  No, they can't.

• 16:54Sam Morril?

  No.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  You could put, who's the best like NBA?

• 16:57Sam Morril?

  Aaron Gordon did this and he didn't do it as good because Aaron Gordon just jumped over the car.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  But also being that tall is like a disadvantage.

• 17:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Because you're not, you're not as athletic.

• 17:07Speaker 01

  Dude, his kid's like six.

• 17:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Yeah, when I grew up and if you told me the best dunker in the, in a basketball player was a six foot two white guy and the best running back in football would be a white guy.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  Christian McCaffrey, yeah.

• 17:18Sam Morril?

  I mean.

• 17:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:19Sam Morril?

  What?

• 17:20Mark Normand?

  Oh boy, we're taking over.

• 17:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 17:22Mark Normand?

  It's over.

• 17:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, look at this.

• 17:24Mark Normand?

  We're gentrifying sports.

• 17:25Sam Morril?

  Look at this.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  But it is crazy how the NBA just adjusts the rules now because he's not even in the NBA.

• 17:30Sam Morril?

  No.

• 17:30Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 17:31Speaker 01

  He's in the G.

• 17:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but they know what's good for ratings because that All-Star Weekend was, you see what hockey is doing? It's so much better.

• 17:36Mark Normand?

  No.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  No, I don't.

• 17:37Sam Morril?

  They do like the, the tournament. So it was, I think it was Sweden, America, Canada and I believe Finland.

• 17:44Speaker 01

  That was for the All-Star game?

• 17:45Sam Morril?

  That was their All-Star Weekend.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  I didn't know that.

• 17:46Sam Morril?

  So these guys are savages. U.S. and Canada, three fights in the first nine seconds.

• 17:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:52Sam Morril?

  And you know, the Kachuk brothers are fucking psychos.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  Psychos.

• 17:55Sam Morril?

  They're awesome.

• 17:56Mark Normand?

  Couple of hunks.

• 17:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and I mean, that's cool, man. You're, you're repping your country as opposed to this All-Star game, which in the NBA, they don't even try.

• 18:04Speaker 01

  No.

• 18:04Sam Morril?

  They don't give a shit.

• 18:05Speaker 01

  Right. So you're saying do a mini, do that in basketball?

• 18:07Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, well, they say they don't want to get injured, which I totally get because how mad would you be if your star player got injured? But like, look what these fucking hot, there's like more pride in hockey, I feel.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:16Sam Morril?

  And, and when your country's on the line, like, I mean, look what America did in the Olympics when, when we fucked up every, I mean, we barely beat France, but courage is going off.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  Dude, by the way, one of the best Netflix documentaries is Court of Gold. Did you see that Court of Gold?

• 18:27Sam Morril?

  Oh, dude, on Netflix, it's about, it's a documentary about the 2024 Paris Basketball. This is a peeve of mine. The documentary coming out immediately after. I think there's gotta be a, a reminisce period.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  Right.

• 18:39Sam Morril?

  Before, I want like 10 years.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  That was like that movie Nicolas Cage about 9/11?

• 18:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 18:45Speaker 01

  It came out like nine months after 9/11.

• 18:47Sam Morril?

  Even on 9/12.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, did you guys, were you, were you writing the script like while the towers were burning?

• 18:54Mark Normand?

  You know, the NBA, NBA views are way down.

• 18:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 18:57Mark Normand?

  It's really bad. Oh, yeah.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  Why?

• 18:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it's also people watching a lot of different ways, like.

• 19:02Mark Normand?

  Ah, but I think NFL's up.

• 19:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Less games.

• 19:06Mark Normand?

  Less games.

• 19:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, and NFL is just the American sport.

• 19:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:09Speaker 02

  Holiday, it's a Sunday.

• 19:10Sam Morril?

  NFL is always gonna be the biggest in America, but NBA is international, man, it's huge.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  We had Pacman Jones on History Hyenas yesterday, it was unreal to have, to like, talk to like, an NFL frickin' cornerback, like, who's just, doesn't give a fuck. Trump, uh, uh, Yannis said, what did you say? He said something about Trump, and he's like, I voted for Trump, I already told you that.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  He got mad at you. He was like, I told you, I vote for Trump, I told you that. I was like, oop.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  And then I asked, which group is the worst? And you know what he said? Unfortunately?

• 19:38Mark Normand?

  Blacks. Ah.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  What he said.

• 19:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he said it. No answer was gonna make us feel good.

• 19:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's Pacman Jones.

• 19:44Mark Normand?

  Ah, if he said Inuits, I'd be like, alright.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  I think we edited that part out, but I guess not now.

• 19:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  No, he said it.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  I know, I know. Yeah, we, I was just asking him a question.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  It was, uh, but he was just.

• 19:54Speaker 02

  I don't agree.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  He was just saying that, cause I asked him, like, you know, I wondered, like, you know, we do comedy and stuff, like, times where you're like, do you ever forget, like, that you're a pro athlete and, like, feel un, not ungrateful, but, you know, just like, do you ever, like, not pinch yourself? He goes, every day in my life, I couldn't believe that I was playing in the NFL.

• 20:11Mark Normand?

  Ah, I love that.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  That's cool. I like that about, cause, you know, some guys, you all get all the money, all the fame, they don't feel that way, but he did.

• 20:18Mark Normand?

  Did he keep money?

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Huh?

• 20:19Mark Normand?

  Did he keep any money?

• 20:20Speaker 01

  He said he spent a lot of it, stupid, but he still has enough money.

• 20:22Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 20:23Sam Morril?

  What, what was the dumbest thing he spent it on?

• 20:25Mark Normand?

  A slave.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Uh.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  I mean, I think he was wearing some of the dumbest stuff.

• 20:28Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, his chains were pretty crazy.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  But he was funny, he was cool.

• 20:32Speaker 02

  He was a great dude.

• 20:33Mark Normand?

  Back to NBA for a second. If this McClung guy isn't, you're saying he's not pro level?

• 20:39Speaker 01

  He's not.

• 20:40Mark Normand?

  Well, what about Bronny? He got in, he stinks.

• 20:43Sam Morril?

  Gee, I wonder how he got in?

• 20:45Mark Normand?

  I know, but I'm saying if he got in, you could put in the, uh, the cracker.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, Matt McClung's father owns an Autozone.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  That's the difference.

• 20:53Mark Normand?

  Get in the zone.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  Autozone.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  It just shows you, America, I, I think.

• 20:58Sam Morril?

  Nepotism exists everywhere. Exists everywhere.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  And it's not about color as much as it is about money. Bronny's a power.

• 21:05Sam Morril?

  Or connections.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  And connect, LeBron's a powerful guy, he is the NBA.

• 21:08Mark Normand?

  But it shows things have flipped, that now the white guy's dunking, can't get a job, black guy sucks, he got hired.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Right.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  That's it.

• 21:14Mark Normand?

  We flipped in every way.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  Flipped it.

• 21:16Speaker 02

  In the NBA.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  That's what, that's what we wanted here.

• 21:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  People still fucking complaining.

• 21:20Mark Normand?

  I know, we got it made.

• 21:22Speaker 02

  I mean, listen, a DEI hire in the NBA would be a white guy.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  At this point, for a long time.

• 21:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, you know what? Asian, Asian, or Indian.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  Even when we were bringing up, I always thought about this, even when we were bringing up, you know, over the last few years, you know, filling quotas and DI hiring, that, how come it doesn't apply to sports? Sports, you can have an all-black team, an all-white team in hockey, you don't, you don't ever have to do that and fill a quota in sports. So what's the difference between?

• 21:48Sam Morril?

  Well, in the arts versus, uh, sports?

• 21:51Speaker 01

  Cause you can bullshit in the arts.

• 21:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's, exactly.

• 21:53Mark Normand?

  Subjective.

• 21:54Sam Morril?

  Subjective versus actual hard statistics.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Right, but I'm just saying, it's still, it's bullshit if it's gotta be, it's gotta be DI, it's gotta be everywhere.

• 22:01Mark Normand?

  If you really believe it, might as well put it everywhere.

• 22:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:04Speaker 01

  Right.

• 22:04Mark Normand?

  But it would ruin sports, sports would go through the floor.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying, so that's why.

• 22:07Sam Morril?

  It would be kinda funny if they forced a DI hire for like, four minutes a game.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:12Speaker 01

  Bring in the Indian guy, like, fuck, uh, we're getting crushed.

• 22:16Mark Normand?

  Ling de ling de ling de ling.

• 22:20Sam Morril?

  Although Jeremy Lin, it worked against him because they profiled him being like, well, we've never seen a dude who looks like this.

• 22:25Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 22:26Sam Morril?

  Who's good.

• 22:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:27Sam Morril?

  Enough for this level.

• 22:28Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 22:29Sam Morril?

  So that's why it worked against him, and then he was like, oh shit, he's, he also went to Harvard.

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:33Sam Morril?

  He was fucking up dudes at UConn at Harvard.

• 22:36Mark Normand?

  We have an Indian guy in the NBA, Steph Curry. All right.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  We need one of those breakaway bottles for that shit.

• 22:45Sam Morril?

  Can we get more of those? Those are fun.

• 22:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, those were fun.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got, you guys cracked me over the head with one last time I was here.

• 22:52Mark Normand?

  Uh, we pick and choose though, because like, uh, we all love Ukraine, but you know, gay marriage isn't legal there.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 22:57Mark Normand?

  So all these Americans were like, we're not, we're all racist and this country sucks, and you're like, yeah, but they don't, Zelensky's your hero, he's, he's anti-gay.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, he'd throw you off a roof if you went to Ukraine.

• 23:07Mark Normand?

  Yes, and he's dressed like a ninja.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, but that's just.

• 23:11Sam Morril?

  Can you be gay in Russia?

• 23:12Mark Normand?

  No.

• 23:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I don't think they're cool to gays there. They let them fight it out.

• 23:18Mark Normand?

  Gays can fight.

• 23:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, let them fight.

• 23:19Speaker 01

  People don't realize they have it the best here.

• 23:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:22Speaker 01

  They just do, I don't care what you tell me, they just have it the best here, so shut up.

• 23:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, there's some places that might be, I, I love America, there might be some places that are nice to live. There are some good places.

• 23:31Speaker 01

  No, but I'm saying like, there's really like, you know, there's not like outrageous issues here like there are in other countries. I mean, you're pretty much safe to do whatever you want, despite what you think.

• 23:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the only issue here is that like, you know, women, you know, have a lot to say.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  Right.

• 23:47Mark Normand?

  Well, they go to the Texas abortion stuff. Yeah.

• 23:50Sam Morril?

  I'm just kidding, I'm joking. He's in his marriage trunk right now.

• 23:53Mark Normand?

  Exactly, yes.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  But you can move within the country, I know it's not what you wanted to, but you can move within the confines and you can find a place that'll allow it. Other nations, you cannot, like, they're not gonna let you get an abortion anywhere.

• 24:04Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  In Russia.

• 24:04Sam Morril?

  No, it is, you go to certain cities, you go to small towns, like the liberal small town, and you go to the coffee shop and the barista's trans, and you're like, "Good." Good.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  That's what they do here.

• 24:13Sam Morril?

  The nice, safe space.

• 24:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly, ain't so bad.

• 24:16Speaker 02

  I think the best thing America can hope for is that, is like, everyone stop complaining, like, you wanna be trans, go to Vermont.

• 24:23Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 24:23Speaker 02

  Leave Arkansas. First of all, you should leave Arkansas anyway.

• 24:26Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 24:27Speaker 02

  If you're trans, you should definitely leave Arkansas.

• 24:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  Go to Vermont, just move to Vermont.

• 24:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  And if you're like a cra- if you're like really into Jesus or whatever, like, fucking go anywhere.

• 24:36Mark Normand?

  And it works both ways, because Musk or Rogan's like, "It's too woke here, I'm leaving."

• 24:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:41Mark Normand?

  "I'm going to Texas, or I'm going to Phoenix."

• 24:43Speaker 02

  You're never gonna get everyone to like your shit, everyone's just gotta respect their differences, right?

• 24:47Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  You gotta do it to Jews, they're just different, they run the banks, accept it.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:51Sam Morril?

  I'll be right back.

• 24:55Sam Morril?

  That's what I like, yummy.

• 24:57Mark Normand?

  Hello, silly boy.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  I love that Clinton painting. One of my faves.

• 25:01Speaker 04

  This is hanging in Epstein's home.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:03Sam Morril?

  Is it?

• 25:03Speaker 01

  Yes, it was.

• 25:04Mark Normand?

  Now, who gets it?

• 25:05Sam Morril?

  It's not the only thing that was hanging in Epstein's home.

• 25:09Speaker 02

  Um, do you know that the JFK is supposed to be, files are supposed to be released today?

• 25:13Mark Normand?

  I'm not holding my breath.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  Eight thousand pa- eighty thousand pages.

• 25:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, but all the names and everything got redacted, they said, "Cause of national security."

• 25:20Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  That's what they said, and that Trump's team said that, so it's like...

• 25:23Sam Morril?

  Right. Well, he was the one, he was the one who promised, right?

• 25:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah. The new Epstein, or not Epstein, the new JFK files is this black runner who hit the lady with a baton, you following this?

• 25:31Sam Morril?

  What?

• 25:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, pull that up, this is huge news!

• 25:34Sam Morril?

  Oh, oh, but, uh, was it by accident or no?

• 25:37Mark Normand?

  Well, that's the question.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  Well, he claims it was by accident, but when you watch it, you go, "How is that an accident?"

• 25:40Mark Normand?

  And the other girl, thank god they're both black, cuz this would be a fucking riot in the street if this was a white lady.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  This is the, uh, was it a Heil Hitler or not of sports.

• 25:50Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly. All right. This is taking over the internet.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Back!

• 25:54Mark Normand?

  Oh! That's a metal baton!

• 25:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, look. Wow!

• 25:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah. This is, uh, Latanya Harding.

• 26:07Sam Morril?

  Oh my god. Did she lose the race after that, or what?

• 26:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's brutal. Played it black and to the left.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 26:19Mark Normand?

  Latonya Harding, yeah!

• 26:21Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 26:22Mark Normand?

  Wow, yeah, that's, uh, that's sports, baby.

• 26:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Where was that? In what part of the world?

• 26:28Speaker 04

  I'm gonna go with the south.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  Black names are the best.

• 26:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:31Speaker 02

  Chris had a joke on History I Heen is that, like, tariffs are so big that some kids gonna, some black kids gonna be named Tarif. They're just gonna name, there will be, like, there's gonna be whole generations of Tarifs.

• 26:42Speaker 01

  Tarifs.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  Tarif Jenkins coming.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  Tarif Jenkins, yeah.

• 26:45Mark Normand?

  Boy, Canada hates us, huh? You know, at the, uh, at the hockey game, when they booed us?

• 26:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 26:50Mark Normand?

  Trump apparently did a speech to the, to the players in the locker room before, like, "Go out, fuck 'em up, kill 'em, this is America."

• 26:57Speaker 02

  Because they booed the National Anthem.

• 26:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  That's what happened.

• 27:00Mark Normand?

  So they got all hyped, they got all hyped up.

• 27:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're not thrilled over there.

• 27:03Mark Normand?

  No.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  We were at this game.

• 27:04Mark Normand?

  You were at this game?

• 27:05Speaker 01

  We were there last night.

• 27:05Mark Normand?

  Oh shit!

• 27:06Speaker 01

  Yannis, Yannis, we were sitting, dude, our seats last night were directly next to the Knicks' bench. Like, I'm talking about, the closest Knick to us was right here.

• 27:14Mark Normand?

  Damn!

• 27:15Speaker 02

  I gotta admit, I think it was one of the best nights of my life.

• 27:17Mark Normand?

  Come on!

• 27:18Speaker 01

  We were watching Tom Thibodeau coach and the play, like, we were, we were looking at it.

• 27:21Speaker 02

  I tried to get us tickets when it was two last minutes.

• 27:22Mark Normand?

  I appreciate it.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  And then, so we're watching the game, and then Yannis, Yannis goes, "Dude, I think Tracy Morgan's throwing up." And I was like, "What?" And then you look.

• 27:28Speaker 02

  I thought, I think I might have been the first person that saw it in Madison Square Garden.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 02

  He was like this, and then he just went, "Wah!", and he just started vomiting.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Bro, he couldn't get up, like, something, what hap, did we find out what happened?

• 27:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, he said it's food poisoning.

• 27:41Speaker 02

  I heard, I heard Walmart's behind it.

• 27:44Speaker 02

  He was gonna get a sweet settlement.

• 27:45Speaker 01

  Nose was bleeding, he said.

• 27:46Mark Normand?

  I bet he's on Manjaro or something.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was, it's bad, dude, 'cause he was just, like, sitting there, like, like, just vomiting, and I was like, "He must not be able to get up."

• 27:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 27:53Mark Normand?

  Damn!

• 27:54Speaker 01

  And they had to take him out in a wheelchair, but, uh...

• 27:57Mark Normand?

  The craziest part of all that is this will help him sell tickets.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  Oh, 100%.

• 28:00Mark Normand?

  He could do an arena after that.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  I was literally, I was wishing that I was right next to him with a shirt that said, "Come see me 9/11."

• 28:05Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  That said, "MSG 9/11" with two thumbs up.

• 28:10Speaker 01

  That's what I wanted. Look at the girl's face. She was just looking away. We were sitting directly across from those two chicks.

• 28:15Mark Normand?

  That's quite a snap. He got the mid flow of the puke and everything.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was, it was a, it was, he was puking like profusely projectile. And then when they even put him in the wheelchair, he was just vomiting everywhere.

• 28:26Mark Normand?

  Holy moly.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  It was bad.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  It was, it was an incredible night. I, we sat like the two seats next to the Knicks bench. So I, we were just in the huddle. We were on the Knicks.

• 28:36Mark Normand?

  That's amazing.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were, it, it was one of, it was one of the coolest experiences ever.

• 28:41Speaker 02

  The kid in me was just going nuts. I couldn't, I still, it was one of the best nights of my life.

• 28:45Sam Morril?

  The Kid in Me is also the name of Epstein's novel.

• 28:48Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 28:49Sam Morril?

  And, uh.

• 28:50Mark Normand?

  That is a ton of, I mean, the Knicks aren't that bad. Jesus.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was, uh, it was wild. Was it Nimesh Patel's? I thought it was his Netflix catch him on.

• 29:01Mark Normand?

  Shot the whole thing at New York Comedy, left the sign up and everything.

• 29:03Speaker 01

  Good for him.

• 29:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, there it is, yeah.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  There it is.

• 29:06Mark Normand?

  Steph Curry.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  Indian meme song.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  That's what it's called.

• 29:13Mark Normand?

  They have one song over there. How does that work? There's like, there's 18 million people or whatever, and there's one song.

• 29:19Sam Morril?

  Apparently the snake charming, very cruel to the snake.

• 29:21Speaker 02

  Huh.

• 29:22Sam Morril?

  I didn't know that. Yeah, apparently.

• 29:24Mark Normand?

  I could see that.

• 29:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's, it's like fucking with them.

• 29:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, interesting.

• 29:27Speaker 01

  Like messing with their like, uh.

• 29:29Mark Normand?

  It's like our laser pointer with a cat.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  No, I think it's worse.

• 29:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. Shit. I would think the rapes over there.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  We're not hurting their feelings. They don't have, they don't have them.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  Snakes?

• 29:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, they have no feelings.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  Really?

• 29:41Speaker 02

  So if you're gonna fuck with something, fuck with a snake.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  Are you, uh, you know animals? Is that an actual fact?

• 29:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're reptiles. They don't have feelings.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  They just, because their brains are too small? Like they just eat and?

• 29:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:50Mark Normand?

  The lizard brain.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  It's a lizard brain. They have no feelings. They feel nothing.

• 29:55Speaker 01

  I know alligators aren't like that too. They just eat nothing. Search for food, that's it.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, they fucking live a peaceful existence. You ever see a lizard just, anything they could just meditate and chill like that?

• 30:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  No feelings. It must be great. Psychopaths have no stress, no anxiety.

• 30:09Speaker 01

  They have snake brains.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  Really great, like peaceful.

• 30:11Speaker 01

  They don't get anxiety, they don't worry about shit.

• 30:13Speaker 02

  We gotta like meditate for hours just to get a glimpse of what a psychopath feels every second of every day.

• 30:19Mark Normand?

  Well, we got Uber Eats. You know, it's the toss up. What do you want?

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Right.

• 30:23Mark Normand?

  But yeah, alligators, pull this up if you can.

• 30:25Speaker 04

  Oh, this is a crab being cooked and he's eating.

• 30:29Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 30:30Speaker 02

  No feeling. He's going out like a fucking G though.

• 30:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 30:32Speaker 02

  Like a G.

• 30:34Mark Normand?

  Um, alligator in Louisiana, when it snowed for like 10 seconds, the swamp froze and the alligator froze. And then it just hung out and then it thawed and he swam away.

• 30:44Speaker 02

  Wow. Wow.

• 30:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're dinosaurs.

• 30:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're, they're really. They can just survive anything.

• 30:48Mark Normand?

  The only way to kill an alligator, I don't know if you guys watch Swamp People, these are my, these are my roots. But you gotta go up and shoot it at a certain part of the head. You can stab it, you can shoot it in the back, you can, you know, flamethrower, you gotta shoot it in one part of the skull. It's the only way to kill it.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 31:03Mark Normand?

  Really? Yeah.

• 31:04Speaker 02

  Now, your ancestors that went to New Orleans, they did some bad stuff, didn't they?

• 31:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Awful people.

• 31:08Speaker 02

  We were talking about that before, like the Norman family name, like there's something, you were not kind to people who had a little more melanin in the skin.

• 31:15Mark Normand?

  Well, in my defense, I'm half Guinea and they, we were hung, like crazy.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  Oh, you were half Italian in New Orleans?

• 31:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they hated Italians. More Italians got lynched in Louisiana than Jews.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  Wow. I didn't know that.

• 31:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Big Italian hate down there.

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Wow. Nice.

• 31:32Mark Normand?

  We don't get any love for it.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  Why is that?

• 31:33Mark Normand?

  I think because we were a little swardier, a little grosser, greasier.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:38Mark Normand?

  You know, we were louder.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, they didn't like them over here for a while. Called sauce gravy.

• 31:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 31:43Speaker 02

  Lot of annoying stuff. Holy macro.

• 31:44Mark Normand?

  Lynching's a murder of 11 Italians.

• 31:47Speaker 02

  Wow. Yeah.

• 31:48Mark Normand?

  That was a Tuesday.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Those are some guys, right before they got hung, they just called out ma. Yeah.

• 31:55Speaker 02

  I love you ma.

• 31:58Speaker 02

  Go up to this Yankee score. Somebody take care of my ma.

• 32:04Speaker 02

  Jason Giambi for life.

• 32:06Mark Normand?

  Free Luigi, ma.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  I love this fucking country. What does free Luigi mean? What are they supposed to do? Let him out of jail? What else could it mean? I know, but like, why are they, like, what are you supposed to do? Like, is murder not supposed to apply just because you, you hate insurance company? What are you supposed to do?

• 32:25Mark Normand?

  That's a good question.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:26Mark Normand?

  It's a silly statement. He shot a dad in the back, a three kid.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can't do that. They need a new slot, you're like, you're almost going like, free Luigi, free Luigi from what? He committed murder.

• 32:35Mark Normand?

  Well, that's what it is. People think, I think this, I hate this guy, I hate this company, so shoot people.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:40Mark Normand?

  Like, that's where we're at now. It's just like, I don't like someone, get rid of it.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Like, I understand their point. They're saying like, ah, the insurance companies are bad, but the guy did commit a murder, we have laws, like, what do you, how do you?

• 32:48Speaker 01

  You gotta do it.

• 32:49Mark Normand?

  Also, it didn't work.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:50Mark Normand?

  Uh, health sure, healthcare still sucks.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:52Mark Normand?

  Like, it didn't even help.

• 32:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:54Sam Morril?

  But it got us talking.

• 32:55Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 32:55Sam Morril?

  It got us talking, that's right.

• 32:56Mark Normand?

  And we saw him shortly.

• 32:57Sam Morril?

  That started the dialogue.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  Man, when I saw Norman in the ice bath yesterday, I said, "Body by Luigi."

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:04Mark Normand?

  It lit.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  Gotta have something to do with how hottie is.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  Oh, that's what it has to do with.

• 33:08Sam Morril?

  What about, what about this sex tape, this sex tape that's, they're apparently trying to get for 500 grand with Luigi?

• 33:13Mark Normand?

  What?

• 33:14Sam Morril?

  Have you heard about this?

• 33:15Mark Normand?

  I'll donate.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  From the jail cell or?

• 33:17Sam Morril?

  No, no, before that.

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Funny, just some black guy ramming him.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. Dude, one of my friends.

• 33:22Sam Morril?

  Money well spent.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  Yo, one of my friends is a cop, one of my friends is a cop, I was like, what? He goes, there was a new guy that got, was in the jail, this is like a week ago, and he texts me, he goes, "Bro." He goes, "One of the head guys in, head prisoners in the jail just told this new kid, he had, the kid was taking a shit." He goes, the prisoner comes by the jail cell and he goes, "Turn around, look at the wall and don't wipe."

• 33:44Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 33:44Speaker 01

  I was like, what?

• 33:45Speaker 02

  Cause it's natural lube.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 33:47Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Yikes.

• 33:49Sam Morril?

  Geez, that's not good.

• 33:50Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 33:51Sam Morril?

  It was Diddy.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Pink eye.

• 33:54Mark Normand?

  They're in the same jail, by the way.

• 33:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  Diddy, Luigi, and somebody, and the third one.

• 33:57Mark Normand?

  Bankman Freed.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  That's who it is, right.

• 33:59Mark Normand?

  It's like an old joke. Yeah, a Jew, an Italian, and a black walking to a cell.

• 34:03Speaker 01

  I'll put that big three up against any other big three.

• 34:05Mark Normand?

  They all get raped.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  No, that's crazy.

• 34:08Mark Normand?

  Crazy, baby oil meets olive oil.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  Love it. I like it.

• 34:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, this is a wacky time to be alive.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  It is a wacky time to be alive.

• 34:16Sam Morril?

  You know Luigi gets all the props in there, he, cause, white collar, I guess you get some love, but the way he did it is.

• 34:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 34:23Sam Morril?

  Is more fucked up, like, I feel like Madoff got more props in prison than a guy like Bankman Freed.

• 34:28Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 34:29Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, Bankman Freed, and now, and out of those, I mean, look at this.

• 34:33Mark Normand?

  He's a gay man, though, that's a gay pose.

• 34:35Sam Morril?

  He's definitely gay.

• 34:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:36Speaker 01

  He has to be. You can't get that ripped unless you're.

• 34:38Mark Normand?

  That's why he had back problems.

• 34:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah. That's why I think you're a fucking homo, Norman. Look at those abs. You queer?

• 34:45Speaker 01

  I mean, that is, that is a, that is a 10 out of 10 bod, like.

• 34:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  A killer bod.

• 34:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude, would you?

• 34:51Speaker 01

  Would I? Again?

• 34:54Speaker 01

  No, hell yeah, dude.

• 34:56Speaker 02

  Apparently had real bad back problems, too.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  I'd fuck him for, no.

• 35:00Mark Normand?

  And he eats McDonald's, too, which is even more impressive.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, he is a hottie.

• 35:04Speaker 01

  He's a hottie with a body.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, that's like, you know, one of those, if like, your ex-girl, if like, your girlfriend, if that was like, her last boyfriend, it just hurts.

• 35:12Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Just hurts if it's this guy.

• 35:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, when girls go and do a semester in Italy, like, you know, like, rich girls, that's what they think they're gonna meet a guy like that.

• 35:20Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's their dream. So I think it's playing into their...

• 35:24Speaker 01

  And they, instead, they meet a guy, a guy who looks like Salacuse.

• 35:26Speaker 02

  That's what happened.

• 35:30Sam Morril?

  He changed him to a radiator. He's like, "I'll feed you when I feel like it."

• 35:34Speaker 02

  He goes, "I wanna edit your pussy."

• 35:40Sam Morril?

  He's fucking, he's just taking photos. She's chained up.

• 35:46Speaker 02

  It is true, when you go to Italy, there's like, three Luigi's and the rest of them just look like...

• 35:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:51Sam Morril?

  The rest look like Paulie Walnuts.

• 35:52Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 35:54Speaker 02

  They're short people, the Italians.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Italians, yeah, not this one, he's jacked, ripped.

• 35:58Speaker 02

  How tall is he?

• 35:59Speaker 01

  Threw it all away.

• 36:00Mark Normand?

  I'm gonna go six even.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  I'm gonna go five nine. Yeah, I don't think he was as tall as...

• 36:05Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 36:06Speaker 01

  Remember Paulie Walnuts, he used to live in Bay Ridge?

• 36:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:08Speaker 01

  You know, we used to see him where his apartment...

• 36:09Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 36:10Speaker 01

  We used to go walk down by the water in Bay Ridge, and we were doing those Bay Ridge Boys stuff, which, we just put another episode out, by the way, Chris Mullin and the Crew of 82.

• 36:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  Um, that's up at youtube.com...

• 36:18Speaker 02

  You got, you got Chris Mullin in there?

• 36:19Speaker 01

  No, we did a sketch about how, because I have a good jump shot, that I am I possibly Chris Mullin's illegitimate son, and we just wrote a whole sketch about it. Allegedly, we got word that him and his family don't appreciate it.

• 36:30Speaker 02

  Well, this... Yeah, he, you know who loved it, though? Mitch Richmond.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Mitch Richmond.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  He reached out to us.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  He reached out.

• 36:35Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  But we, we heard that now.

• 36:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:38Sam Morril?

  He was a badass.

• 36:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, we heard that, uh, you know, he didn't appreciate the fact that we were, uh, alluding to the fact that maybe he cheated on his wife in 1982. So I guess that wasn't, that wasn't family watching for them.

• 36:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  But, uh, it was just a sketch.

• 36:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, just a sketch, Chris doesn't know his pops, and then, uh, his mom, uh, who is played by the woman from, uh, uh, she was in, um, Orange is the New Black, she was great.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  She was great, yeah.

• 37:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  But we would see Paulie Walnuts, and he, so, what his real story is, you know, he got on The Sopranos? So he was a real mobster.

• 37:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  And so he came in for an audition... And he told they audition all these people and he told the casting agent, he goes, listen, me and David Chase, he fucking knows me, so he already told me I got the part.

• 37:21Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 37:22Speaker 01

  And then the casting agent was like, well, you know, obviously have to audition people, whatever, and you know, I wasn't told of that. And he goes, I got the part. I know him. He's a friend of mine.

• 37:31Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 37:32Speaker 01

  And then supposedly he said something like, he knows, he knows, we already spoke, that I gotta get that part, so you're gonna just give me the part now, and if you let him know that I told you anything about it, it's gonna be a bigger problem for him. So it was this whole thing that was all made up.

• 37:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  And she just gave him the part.

• 37:49Mark Normand?

  What?

• 37:49Speaker 01

  And supposedly, that's the story I heard from my guys that know him, that know the real him. He's a legitimate, like I saw him one time leaving the supermarket and he was holding all his bags, like he had like so many bags. Like he was like in his 80s, so I said to him, I said, hey.

• 38:03Sam Morril?

  It's a pinky in there?

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. You know, his name's Tony Sorico, so I said, hey, Mr. Sorico, like, you know, my name's Chris, I live in the neighborhood, would you like any help with your bags? He goes, I ain't no fucking mooc, I'll take my own bags.

• 38:13Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 38:14Speaker 01

  And I was like, alright, see you later.

• 38:15Mark Normand?

  He was in Goodfellas, too.

• 38:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and Boys Over Broadway.

• 38:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so he had a resume.

• 38:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he fought his way into every role. Hey Woody, I got the part.

• 38:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  He was great.

• 38:27Speaker 02

  He was great on the show.

• 38:28Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god, he was fucking amazing.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  Perfect.

• 38:31Sam Morril?

  You can't picture anyone else as Paulie Wanas.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  I mean, that hair, look at the hair.

• 38:34Sam Morril?

  Didn't he recognize you once too?

• 38:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:36Sam Morril?

  What'd he say again?

• 38:37Speaker 01

  The supermarket thing.

• 38:39Sam Morril?

  No, but didn't he say like, take care of his stuff or something to a guy helping him to you?

• 38:43Speaker 01

  No, well, he told me, he told me later on, he was like, you know, somebody said I was like comedian, he goes, I like what you're doing, you're representing the neighborhood.

• 38:51Mark Normand?

  Hey, he does the three like this.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:54Mark Normand?

  Hey, T, that's what Trump did with Zelensky, he did that one.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:58Mark Normand?

  If you can pull that up.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  I might know when Zelensky got yelled at.

• 39:01Speaker 02

  Isn't that Chaz Palmetiere from Bronx Tale?

• 39:03Mark Normand?

  He does it too.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  Probably, yeah.

• 39:05Mark Normand?

  The Bulls.

• 39:06Speaker 02

  I think you're the comedian for these guys.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:09Mark Normand?

  A hundred percent.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  No, Sebastian is. I'm not, I'm the guy for maybe their sons.

• 39:13Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  I'm not, Sebastian, all, any hope I had of getting this fanbase was just taken by Sebastian.

• 39:19Mark Normand?

  It was Dice, Sebastian, now you.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, well, based off my ticket sales, not me, but.

• 39:25Mark Normand?

  Stay there, it's the Bulls.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  No, we are, we're doing good. Um, internet says.

• 39:30Mark Normand?

  Well, he died? I didn't even know he died.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  Holy Walnuts died a few years ago. Yeah. Not, not that old either. Seventy-nine. Guys lived in there ninety.

• 39:38Sam Morril?

  That's old for a gangster.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  That is.

• 39:40Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:41Mark Normand?

  Damn, Biden's eighty.

• 39:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:43Mark Normand?

  Eighty-one?

• 39:44Sam Morril?

  Eighty-one, probably.

• 39:44Speaker 01

  The hell are you doing, Yannis?

• 39:46Speaker 02

  I'm getting a snooze.

• 39:47Sam Morril?

  Snooze.

• 39:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta get a snooze. You're addicted to the snooze.

• 39:49Sam Morril?

  What is this? What is this, Yannis?

• 39:50Speaker 02

  It's a nicotine patch.

• 39:52Sam Morril?

  Oh, no, no.

• 39:53Mark Normand?

  Snooze is not a good word for that.

• 39:54Sam Morril?

  Why are you taking that garbage?

• 39:55Speaker 02

  Don't call it snooze because it's sweet.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  Guy who's drunk at noon?

• 40:01Sam Morril?

  I, I do do that to people. I'm like, there's processed sugar in that. Meanwhile, I'm six Manhattans deep.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  I'm sorry for my bad habits, Sam.

• 40:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah. No, I, Peter called me out for that on the road. I, I was like, nah, there's too much sugar in this. And I was, I was drunk as I was giving them the advice.

• 40:16Mark Normand?

  You gotta even it out at least.

• 40:18Sam Morril?

  I even it out.

• 40:18Mark Normand?

  At least you're eating right, but still drinking and drunk.

• 40:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah. He would try to be healthy, but having some, some bad ethnic farts on that. Pull, pull up the video I sent you. This bus, we're on a tour bus right now, and there are some bad farts on this bus. It's. Peter.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 40:33Mark Normand?

  Aggressive.

• 40:35Sam Morril?

  Look at the little smile at the end. Look at this devious.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 40:38Mark Normand?

  This is not happening on the Tig Notaro tour. This is a dude thing.

• 40:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 40:44Mark Normand?

  That's good base in trouble.

• 40:46Sam Morril?

  Oh, he's so proud because his farts are the loudest.

• 40:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:50Sam Morril?

  Littlest guy with the loudest ass.

• 40:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well done. That is talking.

• 40:54Sam Morril?

  There, there will be a lot of silences in the bus, and then there'll be like, just like a horrible smell. And we'll look around like, who did it?

• 41:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:01Sam Morril?

  But what can you do? We're all doing it.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  Little Gary.

• 41:03Sam Morril?

  You're trying to eat clean and it, you know, you will get, but like, what's the healthy option in this town? We'll get like Turkish food and then our asshole just.

• 41:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:10Sam Morril?

  You can't, you can't poop on that bus.

• 41:12Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  I, do you guys like the bus? You like?

• 41:15Sam Morril?

  I li- I like it.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 41:16Sam Morril?

  For, for my lifestyle, I like it. For you, you got a, you got a family and stuff.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Well, no, just for that alone, I'm like, I, I gotta be able to shit. I mean, you saw what I did in your bathroom.

• 41:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I smelled it. I went in, I went in right after you. I was furious. I was like, this guy's a fucking pig.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  We did an episode on Louis XIV, and there was no toilets in Versailles except for his toilet.

• 41:35Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 41:36Speaker 02

  So, everyone would just shit all over Versailles.

• 41:39Speaker 01

  In the palace, like behind a curtain.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  Shit, there was no toilet.

• 41:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:42Mark Normand?

  What?

• 41:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  The only toilet was his.

• 41:44Mark Normand?

  Was that a mental thing, like a power move?

• 41:46Speaker 02

  It could have been because he actually would, uh, do business meetings on the shit.

• 41:50Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  It was part of the ritual for everyone to gather around and watch him shit.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  Watch his shit.

• 41:55Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 41:55Speaker 01

  And then he had anal-

• 41:56Sam Morril?

  He's really rubbing it in, too.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  It is rubbing it in.

• 41:58Speaker 01

  Just taking a shit, and then he had anal fistulas, which is like, you know, protruding, like blisters coming out of his asshole. And they didn't know like what to do, it's because of poor hygiene.

• 42:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  And then so to, and they finally like fixed it kind of a little bit with a surgery. But because they didn't want to just practice the first time on the king, they took like fourteen, fifteen pets and they just started ripping apart their assholes.

• 42:18Mark Normand?

  Whoa, sounds like a fun night.

• 42:21Speaker 01

  The technique, killing them, they didn't care, throwing them down the toilet, and they got it right for King Louis.

• 42:25Mark Normand?

  Well, you know what it is, if you sit on the shitter for too long, you get the hemorrhoids. So you're probably just shitting for weeks, you know?

• 42:30Sam Morril?

  But how, it's so easy to sit in the toilet forever, you just bring a laptop in, you throw on a fucking doc.

• 42:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:35Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  Like Louis XVI, yeah.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  Could you imagine- Yeah, he brought in a small slave.

• 42:39Sam Morril?

  Taking a shit without your phone?

• 42:41Speaker 01

  It's tough, dude.

• 42:42Speaker 02

  If I have two percent, like I will fucking, even if I have diarrhea, I will wait, it's like-

• 42:49Speaker 02

  Wait until it gets to like four percent, just to be able to take my phone into the shitter.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:53Speaker 02

  Try shitting without your phone.

• 42:54Mark Normand?

  You're going with laptop, that's bad. You gotta, phone is, phone is bad enough, you're going with a full computer.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  Do some work emails, you know? Dude, I go in with a desktop.

• 43:02Mark Normand?

  You don't want to watch a Ken Burns in there.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  I bring the whole thing in.

• 43:06Mark Normand?

  You got Ken Burns Civil War, you're gonna get a, you're gonna bleed.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  I'm going in with a fucking Xena.

• 43:11Speaker 02

  But can you imagine, people used to shit without phones, if you stared at a wall?

• 43:14Speaker 01

  I remember, you'd pick up an Ajax. You'd bring books. Books, you would read the shampoo bottle.

• 43:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  I made it work in the nineties. You would think, you would think.

• 43:20Mark Normand?

  You would think.

• 43:21Speaker 01

  You'd be bored for- Well, that's why meditation is, I saw an article about this, that's why it's so important today and why they're trying to ram it down your throats to meditate is because you're never, you never give your brain a moment.

• 43:31Mark Normand?

  Never.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  Because of, you're constantly occupied, so that's why they're saying if you can just detach for twenty minutes, your brain will be, like you'll feel like a superhero, where if forty years ago, you didn't have to do it as much, because you had just these times in nature. Or not looking, not having to be stimulated all the time.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  Right.

• 43:46Speaker 01

  I see with my kid, I gave my daughter, she's nine, I gave her a, a cellphone, but it's a, it's called Gab, G-A-B-B. So it's specifically designed to help children, you know, who have to lean into technology because of the world we live in, but not get addicted to the phone. So it's like, it's not an iPhone, it can only do certain things. It only can send out like a hundred texts in the day.

• 44:06Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  It doesn't have any social media apps, nothing.

• 44:08Speaker 02

  You only get, I kinda like the idea of a hundred texts.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  Then you're, then you're like, oh, these actually mean something.

• 44:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  You know?

• 44:14Speaker 01

  But even her, even with that, if you, once you tell her, hey, time for, you know, no phone, you know, you give her like a five minute grace period. It's like a, it's like a drug. When you take it from them, like she's so angry and then she's so agitated, like I have a three year old, so like, you know, three year old will be three year old. And she doesn't really annoy her that much, but when my daughter's on the phone and my three year old starts running around, she starts screaming at my daughter and I'm like, oh shit. That's how we all are as adults subconsciously.

• 44:40Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  Like you're just, especially if you have kids, the only time I ever really ever yell at my kids is when I'm trying to do something on my phone and they're just asking me to be their father.

• 44:50Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 44:50Speaker 01

  Like, not right now, I gotta post.

• 44:51Mark Normand?

  Well, it makes you wonder, has hemorrhoids gone up? Cause you get on the toilet and it's your only alone time.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:56Mark Normand?

  So you're gonna have to sit for a while, you're gonna text, you're gonna do emails, you're gonna look at, you know, shark attacks or whatever.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 45:02Speaker 02

  I have them on the inside of my asshole and they just said, leave them.

• 45:04Speaker 01

  You have innies?

• 45:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got innies.

• 45:06Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  They just flatten the shit as they come out. So it's sort of like a rolling pin.

• 45:10Speaker 01

  I remember that when you used to take, you used to take pencil shits, we used to call them.

• 45:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. And so I was worried. I was like, is this a prostate thing?

• 45:15Speaker 01

  Colon cancer or something?

• 45:16Speaker 02

  Yeah. Did you guys hate your prostates?

• 45:18Speaker 01

  Your, your shits look like taquitos.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  They do. They come out like tacos. Yeah.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  They really do.

• 45:23Mark Normand?

  If you got pegged, it might clean house a little bit.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  Well, that's what we were saying the other day, like a little like, cause we were talking about Louis the fourteenth and he was like, why doesn't a guy just come and just clean it out?

• 45:31Mark Normand?

  Clean them out.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  That's what Yannis has on the inside of his asshole.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got some of that.

• 45:34Mark Normand?

  I haven't gotten one yet. How was that?

• 45:36Speaker 01

  You need to get them.

• 45:37Speaker 02

  Really?

• 45:37Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 45:38Speaker 01

  You need to get them. Yeah, I just tell everybody, yeah.

• 45:39Mark Normand?

  What, colonoscopy?

• 45:40Speaker 02

  Thirty eight, at what age do I have to get it?

• 45:41Speaker 01

  I got my first one at thirty five. Dude, the propofol alone, you feel great. They're already lowering it.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  I do, I do like the propofol.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  And it's an epidemic. People need to know.

• 45:51Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 45:51Speaker 01

  It's the most preventable cancer. Do it. Just get one. I had four polyps when I was thirty five. I had like seven when I was four.

• 45:57Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 45:58Speaker 01

  And it's, as long as you go, they, they know how long they grow. So what they do is they burn them off for you. And then my doctor says come back every five years.

• 46:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 46:05Speaker 01

  Three to five years, but because they know what it's okay to have them.

• 46:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  The polyps, but they know they take this long to grow.

• 46:12Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  So that's what it is.

• 46:13Sam Morril?

  We've lost every young listener on this podcast.

• 46:16Speaker 02

  No, I'm telling you like.

• 46:17Sam Morril?

  You gotta get rid of those polyps.

• 46:19Speaker 02

  We're doing a service to people right now. Go just tell your, tell your doctor, I feel bloated, something's up. I'm getting some pain. They give you a colonoscopy and then if you have them, they take them out.

• 46:29Sam Morril?

  Let's do it.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  It is the most, it's like.

• 46:31Sam Morril?

  You wanna do it together?

• 46:31Mark Normand?

  Patreon.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  Do it for the Patreon.

• 46:34Speaker 02

  It's the most preventable cancer. If you catch it early, it's the most deadly if you don't. You're dead if they grow.

• 46:39Sam Morril?

  I wish my biological father had. It would have been nice to have him kick the dirt, but.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 46:44Sam Morril?

  He had prostate cancer.

• 46:45Mark Normand?

  It's a pain in your ass.

• 46:46Sam Morril?

  It's the only fucking thing he passed down to me.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Do you ever see him? You know him?

• 46:50Sam Morril?

  No, I don't see him.

• 46:52Mark Normand?

  Come on in.

• 46:54Sam Morril?

  He's coming, yeah.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  Welcome to Howie Mandel.

• 46:56Sam Morril?

  You Howie Mandel me there?

• 46:58Speaker 01

  Mr. Morale.

• 46:59Sam Morril?

  He'd come in on a walker.

• 47:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  Speaking of hemorrhoids.

• 47:03Sam Morril?

  When you're looking for the most comfortable underwear that's gonna cradle your balls and make your package look awesome. Sheath underwear is where it's at. It's the official underwear of comedy. Anyone who's anybody is wearing them. Let's see if I'm wearing right now. See? Yep, sheath. Love sheath underwear. Sorry, I almost whipped my penis out for you guys. Uh, sheath has two pouches, one for the dick, one for your balls. You never realize how awesome it feels to have things separated down there till you give it a shot. I mean, I wear them every day. They send them to me. I love them. I would have bought them if they didn't send them to me. I have bought some since. Uh, gave some to my dad. He loves them. Uh, sheath underwear also lasts for years. Yeah, I mean, they really are. You buy a lot of underwear, it turns into Swiss cheese. This stuff has all been solid. I love it.

• 47:47Sam Morril?

  Go to sheathunderwear.com and use code DRUNK to get 20% off your first order plus sheath underwear's 100% off money, uh, 100% money back guarantee. That's sheathunderwear.com promo code DRUNK. Really the best underwear I've ever had. I wear them every day, so you should give it a shot. Get sheath underwear, support the show, support your balls.

• 48:04Mark Normand?

  By the way, I did a gig this weekend. Chevy Chase shows up.

• 48:07Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 48:09Mark Normand?

  In a wheelchair.

• 48:10Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 48:10Mark Normand?

  Wow, yeah. We did that Adam Ray thing, the Dr. Phil.

• 48:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 48:14Mark Normand?

  And it was at Chicago Theater, so it was like a big one, and Chevy Chase got wind of it and he just showed up with his handler and wheelchared it in.

• 48:20Sam Morril?

  And he, and he did a set?

• 48:21Mark Normand?

  He did a little interview for like 10 minutes and then.

• 48:24Sam Morril?

  How was he?

• 48:25Mark Normand?

  Eh, a little persnickety.

• 48:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 48:27Mark Normand?

  You know, he didn't, eh.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  What is it? Cause they always say he's like so tough to be around, but like, is it, is it ego? Is it like, what is it about him?

• 48:34Mark Normand?

  I don't know. That's a good question. I think it's ego. I think he's just like, he's just that guy. He's like, I'm a dick.

• 48:39Sam Morril?

  And he's a difficult guy.

• 48:40Mark Normand?

  That's what I hear. I didn't even ask for a photo. I was like, holy shit, that guy's a, you know, comedic legend, vacation and all that.

• 48:46Sam Morril?

  That was funny. You were like, he's a dick. And he goes, and he's a difficult guy.

• 48:50Speaker 01

  Well, there was.

• 48:51Sam Morril?

  But there's a difference.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  There's a difference, yeah. You know what's crazy too about like?

• 48:53Speaker 02

  You're dick and you're difficult, then you're a real dick. I guess I'd be a real dick.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  This guy, Dan I know, he told me, you know, like what's happening like in comedy with all of us being like, you know, Adam Ray selling out the Chicago Theater.

• 49:04Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 49:05Speaker 01

  The venue size we're doing. He said he used to book the Chicago Theater in the late 90s. He goes, and in the late 90s, it was like unheard of for a comedian, even a big comedian, to be able to sell that place out. He said, I had Don Rickles in there.

• 49:17Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  In like 1999, we had to curtain off the balcony.

• 49:20Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  And that's Don Rickles as a legend already for years. And he said, so what we're doing, like with these ticket sales, he was like, this is like crazy and unheard of, and you guys should be happy with what's going on, even if the sales are down a little bit. Because he was like, you, this did not happen ever in comedy.

• 49:36Sam Morril?

  Rick, Rickles is looking up at the curtain like all sad, like there should be a dick up there.

• 49:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:42Speaker 02

  It's that, that scene from Louie was the best scene about that.

• 49:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:45Speaker 01

  With the Dane Cook one?

• 49:46Speaker 02

  No.

• 49:47Sam Morril?

  Joan Rivers?

• 49:47Speaker 02

  Joan Rivers.

• 49:48Sam Morril?

  That was great.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  What, what was, what?

• 49:50Sam Morril?

  Great episode.

• 49:50Speaker 02

  Great episode.

• 49:51Sam Morril?

  Of Atlantic City?

• 49:52Speaker 01

  Goes back to like the cabaret lair or something like that?

• 49:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's like complaining, he's complaining about the room. He's in the small room, she's in the big room, and she gives him this speech about like, hey, that's the career. You go big, small, and back to the big, small.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:04Speaker 02

  And then he just tries to kiss her. It's so funny.

• 50:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I think they fuck at the end.

• 50:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, it's really funny.

• 50:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it's just cool. It's like, it's just, it's cool because it's coming from her.

• 50:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:12Sam Morril?

  Like, the scene wouldn't have carried weight if it wasn't like Joan.

• 50:15Speaker 01

  It had to be Joan Rivers.

• 50:16Sam Morril?

  It had to be Joan.

• 50:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:17Sam Morril?

  And the fact that she's.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  Been through hell, you know shit.

• 50:19Mark Normand?

  Right. That hack show kinda covers this. They do a good job of doing the old school, new school, and the older lady's like, "You got it good, you're a writer, you work in air conditioning craft service, you know, you get free lunches." "Shut the fuck up." She's like, "I had to grind my way to the top."

• 50:34Speaker 05

  Clark guy, that asshole? He came to Clark? Come out and take your jobs from you. Know when you're lucky.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. I mean, I know all that. It's just that sometimes I get sick of the bullshit.

• 50:45Speaker 05

  Sick of the bullshit? What is your problem? I am a million years old. Do you know what I've been through? I've been in this business for a million and two years, and I'm a woman. I'm a woman. It's not easy. Do you know how many blowjobs I had to give to get where I am now? Come on, give me, give me another, give me another. How many blowjobs did it take for Joan Rivers to end up in a suite with lots of flowers?

• 51:10Speaker 02

  I don't wanna guess that.

• 51:11Speaker 05

  Guess, come on. To go from clubs to Carson, to Carson, to Fox, to my own show, or daytime, and an Emmy, and then I'm over the great carpet. Give me another, give me another.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  I don't wanna guess.

• 51:21Speaker 05

  And then with Melissa, now I have my own show, Melissa. Give me, give me another. Guess, guess, come on. Give me another. Guess, guess, guess, guess, guess. What are your number?

• 51:30Speaker 02

  Forty?

• 51:32Speaker 05

  Excuse me?

• 51:35Speaker 02

  Around forty.

• 51:42Mark Normand?

  She was wild. Pull up her red carpet, still, like, she has a best.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  She goes, "The answer was none, you idiot." Yeah, dude, I mean, Louis, Louis' new shit, by the way, is fucking.

• 51:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god. His new hour's incredible.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  He's fucking locked in right now.

• 51:54Mark Normand?

  This shit would be on Kill Tony now.

• 52:00Speaker 05

  How do you do? I'm gonna say, "Good to see you."

• 52:02Mark Normand?

  Get to the actors.

• 52:05Speaker 02

  She was a beast.

• 52:06Mark Normand?

  Beast, filthy, raw, fun, offensive.

• 52:11Speaker 02

  I love the doc on her, too.

• 52:13Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 52:14Speaker 02

  It's great. It's the best. She's just, I saw her live. I went to, yeah.

• 52:19Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 52:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, we went to, uh, she used to do the basement of this Chinese restaurant, um, like, right in midtown.

• 52:26Speaker 01

  It was like a workout room?

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:27Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 52:28Speaker 02

  She would do like an hour, hour and a half.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  Killed?

• 52:30Speaker 02

  Killed. I mean, she's, she's so mean.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:33Speaker 01

  I saw her at Just For Laughs.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  In like 2013.

• 52:36Speaker 02

  I think celebrities killed her.

• 52:37Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 52:38Speaker 02

  Cause she's so fucking mean and hilarious, but she was mean.

• 52:42Mark Normand?

  She was mean.

• 52:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:43Mark Normand?

  She said fucked up shit.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:45Mark Normand?

  To their face.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, she uh-

• 52:48Speaker 02

  And her act was filled with that stuff.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 52:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:51Speaker 02

  The way she died, didn't they blame doctors for kinda fucking that up? Yeah.

• 52:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:55Speaker 02

  That's brutal.

• 52:56Mark Normand?

  She was getting surgery and I think they fucked up the anesthesia.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Oh, what was the surgery, like, plastic surgery?

• 53:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:03Speaker 04

  I think it was dental.

• 53:04Mark Normand?

  Was it dental?

• 53:05Speaker 01

  Dental surgery?

• 53:06Speaker 04

  I think so.

• 53:07Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 53:08Speaker 04

  But it was like, not in a professional setting, it wasn't like in a, it was like in an off-brand dent, like a guy who had his own practice.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 53:15Speaker 04

  Small, yeah.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  Michelle Obama Dentistry.

• 53:17Speaker 01

  Right, yeah, yeah.

• 53:18Speaker 02

  Cause she called her a man.

• 53:20Mark Normand?

  I'm doing her podcast.

• 53:21Speaker 02

  Are you?

• 53:22Mark Normand?

  No.

• 53:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:22Mark Normand?

  Uh, she would never have me, but-

• 53:24Speaker 01

  Was Joan Rivers the one that started-

• 53:25Speaker 02

  She was one of the first ones, but she was the biggest person to say it.

• 53:29Mark Normand?

  That's right.

• 53:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:30Mark Normand?

  She would always comment on her arms.

• 53:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, and so she was like, she's a man, everyone knows she's a man.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  What was it?

• 53:35Speaker 04

  A routine endoscopy.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 53:37Mark Normand?

  What's that, a butt stuff?

• 53:39Speaker 04

  I think it's down the throat.

• 53:40Speaker 01

  Oh. Oh, an endoscopy's in the butt, endoscopy's in the mouth.

• 53:42Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 53:43Speaker 01

  That's crazy, that like is so routine.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, now, practice lawsuit, goddamn.

• 53:47Mark Normand?

  Maybe you're right, maybe it was a like-

• 53:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, Michelle put a call in and said, you know what, let's, I don't like her talking anymore.

• 53:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:53Speaker 02

  Just like the chef, it's like the chef-

• 53:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:56Speaker 02

  I don't like you talking anymore. I want, I want talking. This is for sucking, not for talking.

• 54:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  Joan Ri- Joan Rivers calls President Obama gay. Says first lady is like a man.

• 54:08Speaker 02

  How about these, uh, breakup rumors? Oh, between them?

• 54:12Speaker 01

  Of Jo- of Barack and Michelle?

• 54:14Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 54:14Speaker 01

  I, I, I don't think it's true.

• 54:16Speaker 02

  Well, they-

• 54:17Speaker 01

  I mean, I don't think that Barack Obama's dating Jennifer Aniston.

• 54:19Speaker 02

  No.

• 54:20Mark Normand?

  No.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  Right.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  No.

• 54:21Mark Normand?

  She's racist.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  No, but they are not being seen together a lot.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  What'd you say?

• 54:26Speaker 02

  They're not being seen together a lot.

• 54:28Mark Normand?

  That's true, and it's gotta be a hard life.

• 54:30Speaker 01

  That's cause Michelle's going for swims.

• 54:31Speaker 02

  Dude, Chris solved the cock thing on Ellen, it was a fucking battery pack.

• 54:36Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  That's what it was.

• 54:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, she, you know, she just never cock.

• 54:41Mark Normand?

  You never watch this? You can see something swinging.

• 54:44Speaker 02

  You can even see that it's-

• 54:44Speaker 01

  It's the battery pack, it's what it is.

• 54:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:48Speaker 02

  From the mic, she's mic'd up.

• 54:50Mark Normand?

  Why is this entertaining? I don't get the, uh, what, what's the talent here?

• 54:55Speaker 02

  Because America's retarded.

• 54:57Mark Normand?

  Yes, apparently.

• 54:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:58Sam Morril?

  This is what daytime TV is, Mark.

• 55:00Mark Normand?

  This is why Theo Von gets way more numbers than, uh, what, I, what, what is the upside of it?

• 55:06Sam Morril?

  No, the problem is, Mark, we're not dancing enough.

• 55:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:10Mark Normand?

  You know who else danced?

• 55:13Mark Normand?

  Bill Cosby.

• 55:14Sam Morril?

  Did he?

• 55:14Mark Normand?

  He would always dance in the beginning of a show.

• 55:16Sam Morril?

  Dancing might be a sign of evil.

• 55:18Mark Normand?

  I think we got something here.

• 55:19Speaker 02

  Michelle Obama penis Ellen. There's one where she's walking outside.

• 55:24Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 55:26Speaker 02

  Downstairs, there it is.

• 55:28Sam Morril?

  And then, alright, I'll be able to tell you what kind of cock this is.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, this kid knows cocks.

• 55:32Sam Morril?

  It's one of my specialties. Let's see. Okay, that was a, uh...

• 55:37Speaker 02

  That's Lennon.

• 55:38Sam Morril?

  Those were her balls.

• 55:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, she grabbed something.

• 55:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:42Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, this has turned into... You can see us on Truth Social.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  She's hot. I think Michelle Obama's hot. She's got a gorgeous body.

• 55:51Speaker 02

  I mean, the Big Mike jokes are funny.

• 55:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  I don't think she's a man.

• 55:54Sam Morril?

  No.

• 55:54Mark Normand?

  No. But then Macron's wife... No.

• 55:58Speaker 02

  I don't think so.

• 55:58Sam Morril?

  That's what they're saying. Who was saying, who's been saying?

• 56:00Mark Normand?

  Candace Owens.

• 56:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but it was someone else, though.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Candace Owens going wild.

• 56:03Sam Morril?

  No, she says a lot of crazy shit. Who was it? It was someone else who's been saying that.

• 56:08Mark Normand?

  The story is crazy. She was his teacher.

• 56:10Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 56:11Mark Normand?

  She's like 35 years older. He was friends with her dau... I mean, the whole thing's insane.

• 56:14Sam Morril?

  He was banging his teacher and it worked out.

• 56:17Mark Normand?

  And it worked out!

• 56:18Speaker 02

  But isn't that just French?

• 56:20Mark Normand?

  I mean...

• 56:21Speaker 02

  It's a French story.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  I heard in France, you don't... You're allowed to cheat on your wife as long as you don't fall in love with the other woman.

• 56:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  So you could physically cheat, and then it's like, it's not like they love it, but they're not gonna divorce you over that. Like, you couldn't bring that up in divorce court, which is a real thing in France. Divorce court? Dude, there's this thing, we gotta do a History and Ais episode on this. In like the 1600s, 1700s, you could not, you could, they would allow you, for like a period of time in France, you could only get divorced from your husband if, if he couldn't get it up. If he had an impotence issue.

• 56:56Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 56:57Speaker 01

  They would, in a divorce, a French divorce court, if you could...

• 57:01Sam Morril?

  That sucks, because then everyone knows why you got divorced.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  But, but that's the only way they would allow it. So what would happen is, you would have to go in front of a court with an audience, like a court today, and have sex with your wife. And if you couldn't get it up...

• 57:13Mark Normand?

  Come on!

• 57:14Speaker 01

  I swear to God, it's real.

• 57:14Sam Morril?

  But that doesn't mean your dick doesn't work. That means it doesn't work with her.

• 57:16Speaker 01

  Impotence trials where men were forced to prove their virility, where it was a legal justification of divorce rooted in the belief that marriage's primary purpose is procreation.

• 57:25Mark Normand?

  This is the ultimate Blue Chew commercial. Seriously.

• 57:27Speaker 01

  This is.

• 57:28Sam Morril?

  But what, well, you, maybe your dick does still work, it just doesn't work with her at that point.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  That's what I, that's what I would have said.

• 57:33Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 57:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:34Sam Morril?

  I would say, give me any other woman in here, I'll show you.

• 57:37Mark Normand?

  She's gross, look at this bush. Also, the, the pressure's on with this, this is the hardest boner ever to get up.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  So, but here was the loophole, is, is you would get divorced, you could get, you know, they would grant you the divorce, fine, you know, whatever, but it was like a whole process to grant you a divorce that like didn't happen that day. And in French law at this time, if you, a family fight, like if you killed your spouse, handled with the family, French court doesn't intervene.

• 58:01Speaker 02

  What years was?

• 58:02Speaker 01

  So you would kill, so these guys would get the divorce and then have this two week lay period where if that woman didn't get away, like, well, now we're gonna fucking kill you.

• 58:08Mark Normand?

  Holy.

• 58:09Sam Morril?

  What about, here's a question about the vaginal.

• 58:10Speaker 01

  Simpler times.

• 58:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:12Sam Morril?

  Do they put the vaginal wetness on trial?

• 58:15Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 58:16Sam Morril?

  Is that something too?

• 58:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:17Mark Normand?

  Equality.

• 58:18Speaker 01

  That's it.

• 58:19Mark Normand?

  I like it.

• 58:20Speaker 02

  What year was this?

• 58:21Speaker 01

  1600s, I wanna say.

• 58:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, pre-1940s.

• 58:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, I thought it was 81.

• 58:24Sam Morril?

  I'd have no problem getting hard because the room would be full of dudes in wigs.

• 58:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:31Mark Normand?

  That's a home jury.

• 58:32Speaker 01

  You would be fucking, they would all be going, "That's it."

• 58:36Speaker 04

  Do you know that in ancient Greece, if your wife was frigid, meaning she couldn't come, they would match her with another woman who couldn't come, and they would scissor.

• 58:46Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 58:47Speaker 04

  They said there was like a buildup of blood in there that you had to like sort of release, they had to do it together.

• 58:52Sam Morril?

  Did it work?

• 58:53Speaker 04

  Yes, cuz they're probably lesbians.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  That's Roman propaganda, dude.

• 58:57Mark Normand?

  So then my wife's a lesbian?

• 59:00Sam Morril?

  That's not true.

• 59:01Speaker 04

  I'll look it, yeah.

• 59:02Sam Morril?

  Ancient Greeks didn't consider the sexual desires of women.

• 59:05Mark Normand?

  Ah, good point. Good point.

• 59:08Speaker 01

  Ancient medicine is wild, I mean, they used to think, I mean, George Washington, they would put leeches on him.

• 59:14Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 59:14Speaker 01

  And just suck his blood out, like, you, you gotta go, when you go back in time and you think, like, Thomas Jefferson, when they had the Louisiana Purchase.

• 59:21Sam Morril?

  There you go, I was right.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, what are they saying?

• 59:23Sam Morril?

  Look, women's right, women's lives were significantly restricted with their primary roles centered around domestic duties and maintaining the household in ancient Greece.

• 59:31Speaker 04

  Let me type in scissoring now.

• 59:32Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 59:33Sam Morril?

  I don't think they use the word scissoring in those books, man, but we'll see.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  But they would.

• 59:38Sam Morril?

  S C, are you, are you seriously spelling it S I? S C I S S O R S. They're scissoring.

• 59:49Mark Normand?

  Frigid.

• 59:50Speaker 02

  You can find anything, though, if you plug it on the internet.

• 59:53Speaker 01

  Journal of Women Empowerment. I've never heard this.

• 59:56Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:58Speaker 02

  Mythology, select a female character.

• 59:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is from Greek mythology. Mythology's not reality.

• 1:00:02Speaker 02

  Journal of Women Empowerment.

• 1:00:04Mark Normand?

  There's no god of war.

• 1:00:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:06Speaker 02

  This guy thinks Hermes is real. Get him.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  Let me get it.

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  Herpes is real.

• 1:00:10Speaker 01

  So the court of law made Aphrodite and Hermes scissor?

• 1:00:15Mark Normand?

  Probably.

• 1:00:17Speaker 02

  Well, Hermes is a dick. Gotta be true.

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I can't think of another female guy, because there's not.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  Athena. Athena. Artemis.

• 1:00:22Mark Normand?

  Medusa?

• 1:00:23Speaker 02

  Medusa. Medusa wasn't a.

• 1:00:25Mark Normand?

  She'll get your dick stoned hard.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  She was the one, snake hair, she's the one that sounded Puerto Rican.

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. Chris would have knocked her up.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  A hundred percent, if she has a tattoo on her stone tit.

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  I want to know, was female homosexuality accepted in ancient Greece?

• 1:00:37Speaker 01

  Probably was.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  Homosexuality was accepted in.

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  No, women, female.

• 1:00:41Speaker 04

  Is it lesbian?

• 1:00:41Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:00:42Speaker 04

  Named after the Greek island?

• 1:00:43Speaker 01

  When you look back in history, you recognize one thing, that homosexuality was widely accepted in every race, religion, culture, creed. We accept homosexuality the least today.

• 1:00:53Mark Normand?

  No, no, Africa.

• 1:00:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's rough there.

• 1:00:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, you mean we as humans?

• 1:00:58Speaker 01

  No, I'm saying.

• 1:00:58Mark Normand?

  I don't even American.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  No, no, no, like af, like gay people, like throughout history.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was like a power thing, right?

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  It was like, yeah, nobody cared. We care about it the most today.

• 1:01:07Speaker 02

  Right. But even just men to men love, like even samurais, samurais were gay.

• 1:01:12Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  Even when they killed themselves, penetration.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:15Mark Normand?

  Ah-ha.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Right there, yeah.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  But they were, they were gay.

• 1:01:18Speaker 01

  On their knees.

• 1:01:19Speaker 02

  Pure love was restricted for guy on guy.

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  Guy on guy was pure love, ancient, what was it, the sacred ban of Thebes?

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:01:25Speaker 01

  They would all have sex with each other.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  Elite warriors.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  Elite warriors would all have sex with each other for a battle, because in their mind, they were like, well, the only way we can really protect each other and my fellow brother in battle is if I'm in love with you. The way to fall in love with you is I put it in your ass the night before.

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  Women were looked at a lot for procreation, but for fun, it was more like, you know, you had a buffet at the table of eunuch.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:44Speaker 02

  Uh, you know, uh, boys. Sure. Kind of the same today. You got, you knock up your wives, then you go to the Knicks game with the boys.

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  Except you fuck them.

• 1:01:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  That's what this is.

• 1:01:53Speaker 02

  Mark and I jerk each other off in the bathroom.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:56Mark Normand?

  I'm loving it. Yeah. Take it to the hole.

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  What's this, African care?

• 1:02:00Speaker 02

  Core.

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  Core.

• 1:02:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, why are you gay?

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  What's your gender?

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  I'm a mechanic.

• 1:02:10Speaker 02

  The fuck?

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  I don't think you can be gay in Daghesth.

• 1:02:16Speaker 06

  And so Indians will be even in a deeper shit. Oh, no, that is not a language.

• 1:02:24Speaker 02

  What are we watching?

• 1:02:25Speaker 04

  African Corps.

• 1:02:26Speaker 02

  What is that?

• 1:02:27Speaker 04

  It's sort of like ultra-manliness in Africa.

• 1:02:30Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  Well, now that I know, play one. You just put it on, you didn't explain it.

• 1:02:34Speaker 04

  Sorry, I thought we were talking about Africa.

• 1:02:37Mark Normand?

  Africa. That's the other thing about America. Everybody shits on America, but like, whenever the war breaks out, they call us. You know, we're ugly Americans, we're stupid. We're picking up the bar tab.

• 1:02:51Sam Morril?

  You're Indian.

• 1:02:53Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:02:53Sam Morril?

  What is your gender? My gender?

• 1:02:56Mark Normand?

  We saw that one.

• 1:02:58Sam Morril?

  I'm a mechanic.

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  I'm very confused what's going on. I don't know what's going on.

• 1:03:03Sam Morril?

  I don't know what you're doing. What is this?

• 1:03:07Speaker 04

  I thought we were talking about machismo in Africa.

• 1:03:10Sam Morril?

  What does mechanic have to do with it?

• 1:03:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, but what did that video have to do with that?

• 1:03:13Mark Normand?

  They're so not gay, that it was like, what's your gender? And he goes, mechanic.

• 1:03:16Speaker 02

  Pull a video up of a guy cutting a clit off of a woman.

• 1:03:19Mark Normand?

  Now we're getting somewhere.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  Journal of powerful women that you subscribe to.

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  Fuck is that? Jesus Christ, dude.

• 1:03:28Mark Normand?

  clit-cutting, still happening, and slavery's still happening.

• 1:03:31Speaker 01

  In Saudi Arabia, it's the biggest it's ever been.

• 1:03:34Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:03:35Speaker 01

  Nobody sells more tickets than slavery in Saudi Arabia.

• 1:03:37Speaker 02

  Is it? I don't know if it's still happening.

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  Hundred percent. Who do you think built all the fucking soccer stadiums and all? Suppose, I saw something that said that the most amount of human slaves that have ever existed in the world is right now. And it's mostly in the Saudi Arabian, Middle East. Some of these African nations, they enslave, you know, the people there. And what is it? Where's all the war happening that's awful in Africa? It's like way bigger problem than...

• 1:04:01Speaker 02

  Darfur?

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:04:03Speaker 02

  Congo?

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  Everywhere. Yeah.

• 1:04:05Speaker 02

  Everywhere?

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  Somewhere, no, maybe it's Somalia.

• 1:04:08Speaker 02

  Somalia?

• 1:04:09Speaker 01

  Where it's like they're going around, it's like a...

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  Kenya?

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  It's like a 10 times worse problem than Russia, Ukraine.

• 1:04:14Speaker 02

  I'll say this one slow. Niger?

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  Niger, right.

• 1:04:17Speaker 02

  It's the country.

• 1:04:18Sam Morril?

  Didn't help.

• 1:04:20Mark Normand?

  Niger, please.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  Chicago? Yeah. I like to call that country African America.

• 1:04:27Mark Normand?

  I like to call it Nijah.

• 1:04:28Speaker 02

  Nijah.

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  See, yes, while slavery was a reality in 1860, estimates suggest that far more people are in some form of modern slavery today.

• 1:04:36Sam Morril?

  Define modern slavery, like what's, what's an example?

• 1:04:39Mark Normand?

  Forced labor, forced marriage.

• 1:04:40Sam Morril?

  It's beneath.

• 1:04:41Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:04:41Sam Morril?

  Forced labor, forced marriage, other forms of exploitation which differ from the historical.

• 1:04:47Mark Normand?

  Transatlantic, that's the name of J.K. Rowling's boat.

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  My theory is, you know how they have the pyramids in, uh, what is now Mexico?

• 1:04:59Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:04:59Speaker 02

  And people always wonder what they do in there. What happened was, I think the Egyptians were probably the first ones, and this was lost in history, to figure out boats. They went over there, they saw what the Mexicans built, brought them back, and built the pyramids. Cause like, who could build pyramids like that? It's like, dude, anyone who owns a house knows it was Mexican.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  It was Mexican.

• 1:05:19Sam Morril?

  I don't know, dude, Jews are pretty good at building stones and stuff like that. We're fucking sure.

• 1:05:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they did the ones in Egypt.

• 1:05:25Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:05:25Mark Normand?

  Jews did?

• 1:05:26Sam Morril?

  So, no, I don't probably know. I was kidding.

• 1:05:28Mark Normand?

  I thought it was Jewish slaves.

• 1:05:29Speaker 02

  I haven't seen a Jew do manual labor in my entire life.

• 1:05:32Mark Normand?

  Jesus, it's a carpenter.

• 1:05:33Speaker 02

  I grew up around Jews.

• 1:05:34Sam Morril?

  Okay, well, maybe the, here's another theory. Maybe the Jews in Egypt called maintenance and they did it for them.

• 1:05:39Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 1:05:39Mark Normand?

  True.

• 1:05:40Sam Morril?

  Jesus.

• 1:05:40Speaker 02

  And they went on a boat and they got Mexicans.

• 1:05:42Sam Morril?

  So maybe it was a collab effort.

• 1:05:43Mark Normand?

  I used to live in Crown Heights, you'd see Jews with like a tool belt.

• 1:05:46Sam Morril?

  No, there are, there are.

• 1:05:47Mark Normand?

  It was weird.

• 1:05:48Sam Morril?

  We were making a joke.

• 1:05:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. Not many, though.

• 1:05:51Mark Normand?

  No, not many.

• 1:05:51Speaker 02

  Not many, no.

• 1:05:52Mark Normand?

  Not many.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  But the Mexicans, dude. And it's just a coincidence that they happen to be in Mexico and they happen to be there? Mexicans built the fucking pyramids.

• 1:05:58Mark Normand?

  Now, have we done a, a date, like a, what do you call it, where you can see the date made of each?

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  Well, they don't know. They, they try to guess where, they, they don't know the exact dates that these things were built, right?

• 1:06:08Speaker 04

  They don't know, but I believe these are three to 6,000 years old, where the Yucatan ones are in the 1,500 years old.

• 1:06:14Mark Normand?

  Okay, you're right.

• 1:06:16Speaker 04

  No, he said first.

• 1:06:17Speaker 02

  I'm right, dude. I'm telling you, it was Mexicans.

• 1:06:19Speaker 01

  No, no, he's saying you're wrong, Sal.

• 1:06:21Speaker 04

  I'm saying, I'm saying the Egyptian pyramids are far older.

• 1:06:24Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:06:25Speaker 02

  So, they.

• 1:06:26Sam Morril?

  They actually found records of.

• 1:06:27Speaker 02

  The Mexicans that look like, they look alike, the Mexicans, they got on a boat from Egypt and they went and built those over there.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  But then why are the, why are the ones in Mexico younger then?

• 1:06:36Speaker 02

  Dude. All I'm saying is, when you hire Mexicans, you go and you make a coffee, whatever job you told them to do, i- it's done.

• 1:06:44Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:06:44Speaker 02

  Like, you're just like, hey, can you take, and then you turn around and the fucking tree or the fucking thing is built.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  And then you go, how did you do it? It's the same question I'm asking in my head that everyone's asking about the pyramids. The answer is Mexicans.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  That's what it is.

• 1:06:57Speaker 02

  They're the only ones who can do that shit. It's like a fucking magic trick.

• 1:07:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and they'll take the work overseas before they work in their own home.

• 1:07:04Speaker 02

  Exactly!

• 1:07:05Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 1:07:06Speaker 02

  This was off the books, Mexican labor.

• 1:07:09Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:07:10Speaker 02

  I'll tell you one thing, that's it. There was no receipt of the work for this. This was off the books.

• 1:07:16Mark Normand?

  Okay, we just gotta find some used halal plates around there and they'll know it's them.

• 1:07:21Sam Morril?

  Some empty bottles of Haritos.

• 1:07:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:07:26Mark Normand?

  Alright, we're learning. This is why it's great to have you guys. I'm talking about hitting Louis XIV, hemorrhoids, pyramids, Mexicans.

• 1:07:32Speaker 02

  We do accurate.

• 1:07:33Sam Morril?

  It's learning, but it's fun.

• 1:07:34Speaker 02

  Yeah!

• 1:07:35Speaker 01

  Oh, I want to tell you, Louisiana Purchase.

• 1:07:39Mark Normand?

  Thank you, Jefferson.

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  Thomas Jefferson, El Presidente at the time.

• 1:07:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, you better believe it.

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  He, when he sent, this is, this is what just shows you like, how like, at every point in history, you think you know everything and you really don't know anything. Like, the smartest man right now, Elon Musk say, or what, people like that.

• 1:07:56Mark Normand?

  Howard Hughes, Ben Franklin.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  200 years from now, they're gonna look back at some of the things that Elon Musk thought was correct that was wrong and be like, these fucking idiots.

• 1:08:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:04Speaker 01

  Because it's just what it is. Thomas Jefferson, arguably the smartest man in the world at that time, he's President of the United States. He told Lewis and Clark, because they were going westward and they had never been west of Pennsylvania, it was outside the 13 colonies, got this whole new territory, to bring certain types of tools and pictures because there might be dinosaurs out there.

• 1:08:21Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:08:21Speaker 01

  He thought there were dinosaurs walking around Louisiana and Mississippi and these places.

• 1:08:25Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:08:26Speaker 01

  And, you know, of course, there wasn't, but he, that's like fat, like from Creed of the President.

• 1:08:30Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:08:31Speaker 01

  Like, there's dinosaurs out there, baby.

• 1:08:33Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:08:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, Lewis Clark, they just came back with Sacagawea. They're like, we found some titties. She was supposedly a smoke show.

• 1:08:40Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 1:08:41Speaker 01

  That's what they say.

• 1:08:42Mark Normand?

  That's not true. Have you seen those natives back then?

• 1:08:45Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 1:08:45Mark Normand?

  They were like an old catcher's mitt.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  I like it, I have kids with them.

• 1:08:49Sam Morril?

  Let's get, can we get a, can we get a, a photo?

• 1:08:51Mark Normand?

  Sacagawea?

• 1:08:53Sam Morril?

  I mean, something like AI enhanced, I don't know.

• 1:08:55Mark Normand?

  Got some thirst traps out there?

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  There it is.

• 1:08:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a filter.

• 1:08:58Speaker 01

  That's gotta be, yeah.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  That's, that's close, it's not bad.

• 1:09:01Mark Normand?

  Alright, she's not bad, especially for back then, everybody had scurvy and monkey pox.

• 1:09:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:09Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright.

• 1:09:09Speaker 02

  I mean, yeah.

• 1:09:12Speaker 01

  I like that. She looks like she could have built the pyramid.

• 1:09:15Mark Normand?

  Like an Easter Island statue.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  That's another one, how the fuck do you explain Easter Island?

• 1:09:20Mark Normand?

  Easter Island.

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  How the hell did they get those rocks over there? Nobody knows.

• 1:09:23Mark Normand?

  Stonehenge, baby.

• 1:09:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  I just feel like if there's no answer, I think it's a good guess that it was Mexicans.

• 1:09:28Mark Normand?

  There you go, I like that. Mexicans should run on that, like, hey, we built everything, motherfucker, hire me.

• 1:09:33Speaker 02

  I've never seen, I mean, I know it's a stereotype, but when you have experience with it, you know, you're just like, nobody, nobody can.

• 1:09:40Sam Morril?

  And they did it at a decent rate, too.

• 1:09:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, under the table. I will say this, I went to Mexico last year, they could use some Mexicans.

• 1:09:49Mark Normand?

  Delapidated buildings, a lot of crumbling, uh, infrastructure, I'm like, hey, I guess they all left.

• 1:09:53Speaker 02

  I heard Mexico City's very built up, though.

• 1:09:56Mark Normand?

  It's beautiful, but there's pockets where you're like, did a bomb go off here?

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  Did you feel safe, though, pretty much, in Mexico City?

• 1:10:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, certain areas, it's a cool ass city.

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  Like New York, right?

• 1:10:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's two times New York, 20 million people.

• 1:10:08Sam Morril?

  And you ate, you ate very well.

• 1:10:09Mark Normand?

  Ate well, the pollution's a problem, but yeah, ate well, but the scary thing is, is posters everywhere of like, abducto, abducto, abducto, and you're like, oh shit, is that a new magician? But, uh, no, it's a bunch of abducted kids.

• 1:10:21Sam Morril?

  It is weird when you go to other parts of the world and the, and the air is just that much better, like, you, you just end up in like Vancouver and you're like, why is the air so much nicer here?

• 1:10:30Mark Normand?

  So true.

• 1:10:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I, um, when I went to Vancouver, it's a beautiful city, but

• 1:10:35Mark Normand?

  Beautiful.

• 1:10:35Sam Morril?

  You can't go there in the fucking winter.

• 1:10:38Mark Normand?

  No, no, no.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  They also have a lot of drug problems there.

• 1:10:41Mark Normand?

  The heroin's a problem there, hasty.

• 1:10:42Sam Morril?

  Everywhere is a, everywhere it's a problem.

• 1:10:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, but Vancouver, it's like, there's that one section that's like, holy shitballs.

• 1:10:47Sam Morril?

  But go to any, any fucking city in the country right now.

• 1:10:50Mark Normand?

  Uh, Dallas is thriving.

• 1:10:52Sam Morril?

  But there's, there's downtowns where you're like, what the?

• 1:10:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

• 1:10:56Sam Morril?

  I mean, I mean, dude, anywhere, like, I was just, every city I was in, walking around Burlington, we're like, what the?

• 1:11:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, whites love the

• 1:11:04Speaker 01

  Well, we voted for change.

• 1:11:06Speaker 02

  It's just like, dude, just stop hating Jews.

• 1:11:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  That's what it is.

• 1:11:10Speaker 02

  Just look at what they do good and just, why don't you do it?

• 1:11:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:14Speaker 02

  They were the first to figure out like,

• 1:11:16Mark Normand?

  Well, that's why they hate them.

• 1:11:17Speaker 02

  I'm in New York when it's warm, and then when it gets cold, I go to Florida. Everyone's upset that they chose Palestine. They offer, they also offered Greenland, right?

• 1:11:26Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 1:11:26Speaker 02

  It is right. So, they were also offered Greenland, but they're fucking smart. They go, we don't control the weather yet. I can't make it warm yet.

• 1:11:34Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:11:35Speaker 02

  We're choosing a warm place.

• 1:11:37Mark Normand?

  I didn't know they had Greenland.

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, they were offered it.

• 1:11:39Speaker 01

  Years ago.

• 1:11:40Speaker 02

  And they went, I can't.

• 1:11:41Mark Normand?

  It's too cold.

• 1:11:42Speaker 02

  It's too cold, I can't, yeah, no.

• 1:11:44Mark Normand?

  You'd think just the green would get them over there.

• 1:11:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, the green, that's what I, I mean. I think initially that was the interest.

• 1:11:50Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:11:50Speaker 02

  They were like, oh, Greenland.

• 1:11:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:52Speaker 02

  Talk more.

• 1:11:52Mark Normand?

  What about the Gold Coast?

• 1:11:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, talk more, Gold Coast. But then they said the weather.

• 1:11:56Speaker 01

  And they knew which land would be worth more.

• 1:11:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:59Mark Normand?

  Ah, yes.

• 1:12:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:12:00Speaker 02

  For Jews, it is a very uncharacteristic move to pick Palestine because it is a fucking worthless desert.

• 1:12:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but it's beautiful. You been to Israel?

• 1:12:08Speaker 02

  There's no fucking resources there.

• 1:12:10Mark Normand?

  They got a beach.

• 1:12:11Speaker 01

  It's beautiful.

• 1:12:11Speaker 02

  They got a beach, but I'm talking about no natural resources, bubba.

• 1:12:14Mark Normand?

  That's why they're all tech.

• 1:12:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, Bubby, but I mean, it's just amazing what they did with that rock, Bubby.

• 1:12:19Mark Normand?

  It's incredible.

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  I just love Bubby.

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  Bubby.

• 1:12:21Speaker 02

  Bubby. Like, dude, when you, when they go, wow, what's up with the Jews? Dude, they took that place that has no natural resources, no oil, and they turned it into a first world country. It's like, stop being a hater.

• 1:12:33Mark Normand?

  Well, that's why they hate them, because they ain't them.

• 1:12:34Speaker 02

  They ain't, I mean, it's too good.

• 1:12:36Speaker 01

  That Thomas Dale right there?

• 1:12:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:38Mark Normand?

  Why don't you suck his dick, ah?

• 1:12:40Speaker 02

  What? The Long Island thing, which is.

• 1:12:41Mark Normand?

  Let me, let me read your tavern cards, ah. Give him some Iron Dome, ah.

• 1:12:46Speaker 02

  People go, where's the Jewish accent?

• 1:12:47Mark Normand?

  I'm a homosexual, ah.

• 1:12:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm a homosexual, ah.

• 1:12:50Mark Normand?

  Hot as fuck in here, Peters, what are you doing to me?

• 1:12:52Speaker 02

  Bubby.

• 1:12:52Mark Normand?

  Hit the A C, good lord.

• 1:12:54Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ, all this talk of Thomas Dale, I'm getting hot. But everyone's fucking complaining about the Jews. It's like, what are they doing that you can't do?

• 1:13:00Mark Normand?

  Everything.

• 1:13:01Speaker 02

  What are they doing? So do it! Shut your mouth and fucking do it!

• 1:13:04Mark Normand?

  They know it. It's like when the fat white guy's on the couch yelling at the bears. They're like, oh, these guys are bums. Like, you could never do that.

• 1:13:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, so shut up. I mean, they control, so start your own bank!

• 1:13:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:13Speaker 02

  What do you want me to do? Start your own bank!

• 1:13:15Mark Normand?

  They can't do it.

• 1:13:16Speaker 02

  Stop complaining!

• 1:13:17Speaker 01

  They hate us because they hate us.

• 1:13:18Speaker 02

  They control comedy, we'll tell. Tell better jokes.

• 1:13:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:21Speaker 02

  I mean, what do you want from me? They're good, bubba.

• 1:13:22Sam Morril?

  You're not cheating.

• 1:13:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're not cheating.

• 1:13:24Mark Normand?

  Well, it's like, uh, Sal, you showed, you know, Bill Burr's on that new Broadway show. Glengarry. And then I have a bunch of articles that are like, cause it's Bob Odenkirk, Kieran Culkin, Bill Burr. So all these women are like, hey, what about a women's Glengarry? And you're like, well, go start it.

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  Yes, do it.

• 1:13:40Mark Normand?

  Go do it.

• 1:13:41Speaker 02

  Do it.

• 1:13:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you make it.

• 1:13:42Speaker 02

  WNBA, but you know, we're used to women yelling at us for things that are really their fault. It's like they're yelling about the WNBA. It's like.

• 1:13:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, always be closing, but always be complaining.

• 1:13:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah. ABC.

• 1:13:56Speaker 02

  Always be gunny.

• 1:13:56Mark Normand?

  That could work for Jews as well.

• 1:13:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah. No, I'm actually pumped to see that show.

• 1:14:01Mark Normand?

  I heard it's lights out.

• 1:14:02Sam Morril?

  I saw it years ago with, uh, with Alan Alda and Leif Schreiber.

• 1:14:07Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:14:07Sam Morril?

  And Jeffrey Tambor. It was really good.

• 1:14:09Mark Normand?

  Damn, that's another great cast.

• 1:14:10Sam Morril?

  Great cast.

• 1:14:11Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:14:11Sam Morril?

  It's a good Mamet, old Mamet, great stuff.

• 1:14:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, I liked the movie. The movie was good.

• 1:14:15Sam Morril?

  Movie's great.

• 1:14:16Speaker 02

  With, uh, Jack Lemmon and, uh, Pacino.

• 1:14:18Sam Morril?

  Alec Baldwin.

• 1:14:19Mark Normand?

  You know, the Baldwin character was put in for the movie? That's not in the original.

• 1:14:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's not in the play.

• 1:14:24Mark Normand?

  Oh. Brass ball.

• 1:14:25Sam Morril?

  But that's a great fucking scene.

• 1:14:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and the Russ scene didn't have the shooting. All right.

• 1:14:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, added that in.

• 1:14:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a tough one.

• 1:14:34Mark Normand?

  I see Baldwin in the Village all the time.

• 1:14:35Sam Morril?

  Me too. Did you see that clip with his wife? That was crazy.

• 1:14:38Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:14:38Speaker 02

  Oh, with, uh, with that comedian, Jason Scoop?

• 1:14:40Sam Morril?

  No, we play a lot of Baldwin on here, I realize now, but yeah, pull up thing with his wife. His wife is like shushing him at a red carpet thing.

• 1:14:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, no, that's the end of that?

• 1:14:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I didn't.

• 1:14:51Speaker 02

  Spapis. Como, como se dice, uh, asparagus? Como se dice?

• 1:14:56Mark Normand?

  What was that? That's a divorce right there.

• 1:14:58Speaker 02

  She's a Jewish girl from Boston.

• 1:15:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:00Sam Morril?

  I see her on the street a lot and she's always loudly speaking like.

• 1:15:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, como se dice, que catarida está?

• 1:15:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, where's the appropriation there?

• 1:15:09Speaker 02

  I mean, she's funny. I mean, it's funny.

• 1:15:11Mark Normand?

  Seven kids in that have that body. I guess.

• 1:15:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think it's there. Go down. Yeah, there, no, it's right. I think it's, uh, I don't know. It's wherever she interrupts him.

• 1:15:18Speaker 02

  Her real name is Hillary.

• 1:15:20Mark Normand?

  This one's gotta be it. Google bitch.

• 1:15:23Speaker 02

  Como se dice? Hilaria.

• 1:15:26Mark Normand?

  Hilaria.

• 1:15:26Sam Morril?

  I don't know. Try Twitter, maybe.

• 1:15:28Speaker 02

  Try shushing.

• 1:15:28Mark Normand?

  She's pretty hot.

• 1:15:29Speaker 02

  I like to live in America.

• 1:15:31Mark Normand?

  I'll tell you what.

• 1:15:34Mark Normand?

  I watched the reality show they had, it's just depressing. You're like, come on, Alec, you're better than this.

• 1:15:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, seven kids in Manhattan, that's expensive, dude.

• 1:15:42Mark Normand?

  I guess so.

• 1:15:42Sam Morril?

  And legal bills.

• 1:15:44Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:15:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I guess, but like, what are you doing to your legacy?

• 1:15:46Mark Normand?

  I know!

• 1:15:47Speaker 02

  What are you doing?

• 1:15:48Speaker 01

  You know that was her idea?

• 1:15:50Sam Morril?

  I don't think anyone's doing a reality show, because they're thinking about their legacies.

• 1:15:53Mark Normand?

  Well, some people just have nothing going on, so like, hey, I'll be on Love Island.

• 1:15:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, there it is.

• 1:15:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, him shooting someone is better for his career than that reality show. You don't think he's got enough money?

• 1:16:01Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 1:16:02Mark Normand?

  Seven kids?

• 1:16:03Speaker 01

  People spend, man. Like, that's the thing, is like, it's not about what you make, it's about what you spend, and people spend like you cannot imagine.

• 1:16:11Speaker 02

  I know, it's with Tim Dillon.

• 1:16:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, talk about ladyboys.

• 1:16:16Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah. Man, you were a bad Googler, Salakus.

• 1:16:19Mark Normand?

  Ouchie. Damn!

• 1:16:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, go back to African core.

• 1:16:31Mark Normand?

  It's crazy, the South African racial tension's still happening. Like, we think we have racial tension, it's bananas down there. I went there for my honeymoon, when that was a mistake.

• 1:16:41Speaker 02

  Isn't it like disturbing?

• 1:16:43Mark Normand?

  It's palpable.

• 1:16:43Speaker 02

  It's really palpable. I went there, I was in Johannesburg, and you feel like you're going back in time.

• 1:16:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:16:50Speaker 02

  Everyone lives behind security walls, the wealth disparity is one of the worst in the world, you can feel it.

• 1:16:55Mark Normand?

  It's crazy.

• 1:16:56Speaker 02

  It's crazy. You got like, you stop your car, there's like people without shoes.

• 1:16:59Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:17:00Speaker 02

  And then you go, there's like mansions behind walls, and then like, it's very weird.

• 1:17:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I would walk around with my wife, and I'd be like, where's a good bar? We wanna go drink? And they're like, you go to that bar, don't go over there. You're like, oh, jeez.

• 1:17:12Speaker 01

  What'd you go to, Cape Town?

• 1:17:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Cape Town. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, the beach is great, and the safari was unreal.

• 1:17:17Sam Morril?

  Can't believe you found it, Salakus.

• 1:17:19Speaker 01

  Look at that.

• 1:17:21Mark Normand?

  Now you gotta hit the playground.

• 1:17:32Speaker 05

  Oh my god, when I'm talking, you're not talking. No, when I'm talking, you're not talking.

• 1:17:37Mark Normand?

  Ah, you can blame Kamala for that.

• 1:17:39Sam Morril?

  He's gonna cast her in his next movie.

• 1:17:44Speaker 02

  If he was gonna do a reality show.

• 1:17:45Mark Normand?

  He's shooting her mouth off.

• 1:17:47Speaker 02

  He should've done a reality show with his brothers.

• 1:17:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:51Speaker 02

  Fucking reality show.

• 1:17:52Mark Normand?

  Steven Baldwin's a huge QAnon.

• 1:17:54Speaker 02

  You fucking cock lib. You fucking right wing nut.

• 1:18:00Speaker 01

  What I respect about Alec Baldwin is like, he will throw hands.

• 1:18:03Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:04Speaker 01

  Still to this day.

• 1:18:05Sam Morril?

  And he is an insane talent. He really is.

• 1:18:07Mark Normand?

  Super funny.

• 1:18:08Sam Morril?

  I mean, on 30 Rock, that is one of the greatest performances ever.

• 1:18:11Speaker 02

  He's great in everything.

• 1:18:12Speaker 01

  Even like a long came Polly, remember in a long came Polly?

• 1:18:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, he's great in that.

• 1:18:15Speaker 01

  That, uh, his boss or whatever, it's fantastic.

• 1:18:18Sam Morril?

  He's a great actor.

• 1:18:18Speaker 02

  He, he, he great.

• 1:18:20Sam Morril?

  And a great, and great series and comedic.

• 1:18:21Speaker 02

  He can do both, yeah.

• 1:18:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah. We did a whole thing on him last week about how they must've just run Long Island, in like their twenties and, I mean, Billy Baldwin's a stud.

• 1:18:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:31Mark Normand?

  Gorgeous.

• 1:18:32Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:33Speaker 02

  But it would be great to just be a fly on the wall at Thanksgiving at the Baldwin house when they start talking politics.

• 1:18:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:39Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:18:40Speaker 01

  Cause Alec obviously hates Trump, but the other Baldwins like him?

• 1:18:43Speaker 02

  Alec and Billy are like way left, and especially Billy.

• 1:18:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:47Speaker 02

  Billy's on Twitter all the time.

• 1:18:48Speaker 01

  But Steven is.

• 1:18:48Speaker 02

  Steven is.

• 1:18:49Speaker 01

  Hardcore to the right.

• 1:18:50Mark Normand?

  QAnon.

• 1:18:51Speaker 02

  He's a born again QAnon kinda Christian dude.

• 1:18:53Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 1:18:54Speaker 02

  So, and his daughter.

• 1:18:55Sam Morril?

  That look he gave her when she searched him was like, oh, this is, something bad will happen at some point.

• 1:19:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah. But wait, the daughter is Bieber's.

• 1:19:03Speaker 02

  He's like, whoops, I didn't know the gun was loaded. Sorry, Hilaria.

• 1:19:07Mark Normand?

  Bieber's husband?

• 1:19:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 1:19:09Speaker 01

  Bieber's wife, right.

• 1:19:09Mark Normand?

  Bieber's wife, sorry.

• 1:19:10Speaker 02

  That's Steven Baldwin's daughter.

• 1:19:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, sorry.

• 1:19:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:13Mark Normand?

  And then there's an older one.

• 1:19:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's another one.

• 1:19:16Mark Normand?

  Bobby?

• 1:19:16Speaker 01

  Famous?

• 1:19:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:17Speaker 02

  No, they're all in movies. They all did movies, and they're all good looking. They were all like, when they were young, they were all good looking.

• 1:19:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:19:23Speaker 01

  There it is.

• 1:19:24Mark Normand?

  Usual suspects. Boy, the daughter's very pretty.

• 1:19:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:27Mark Normand?

  She's got an interesting look.

• 1:19:29Speaker 02

  Oh, his daughter, yeah.

• 1:19:30Speaker 01

  Beautiful.

• 1:19:30Mark Normand?

  When's Bieber gonna come out with the P Diddy stuff? We're all waiting.

• 1:19:34Speaker 02

  When he blows his brains out?

• 1:19:35Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:19:36Sam Morril?

  That's, I, there might be a moment where we look back and like, we were.

• 1:19:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's really horrible.

• 1:19:40Speaker 01

  I mean, that video, so he's definitely blowing somebody in Odell Beckham Jr.

• 1:19:44Sam Morril?

  We might, we might've been hard on him. Cause he was a kid looking back.

• 1:19:48Speaker 01

  Sal accused, that should be on after.

• 1:19:49Speaker 02

  That N word video, you ever see that? Oh, man, that's so.

• 1:19:52Mark Normand?

  That was a classic. That's when I became a fan.

• 1:19:54Speaker 01

  Bieber blowing Odell Beckham.

• 1:19:56Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:19:57Mark Normand?

  Wait, what?

• 1:19:58Speaker 01

  Bieber, Odell Beckham blowjob, you know, allegedly.

• 1:20:00Mark Normand?

  That's Sam Jay?

• 1:20:01Speaker 01

  Creeping on Justin Bieber. See, the Drewski stuff, I don't really.

• 1:20:05Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:20:05Mark Normand?

  No, that's bullshit.

• 1:20:06Speaker 01

  Because it's like, he wasn't famous.

• 1:20:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, same with the Jay-Z shit. It's like, it's out.

• 1:20:11Sam Morril?

  Also, Jay-Z went so hard as like, fuck you.

• 1:20:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:15Sam Morril?

  That was kinda like a power flex.

• 1:20:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:17Sam Morril?

  He was like, I'm innocent.

• 1:20:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, she dropped the charges and now he's suing her back.

• 1:20:21Mark Normand?

  Good. Good for him. Enough's enough, the old baldoni, we call that.

• 1:20:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, this, this video is nuts.

• 1:20:28Speaker 01

  Disturbing.

• 1:20:29Speaker 02

  What is it?

• 1:20:29Speaker 01

  It's disturbing. You'll see.

• 1:20:30Mark Normand?

  Paint a picture here. Where are we? When are we?

• 1:20:33Speaker 01

  This is at a Diddy party. Everyone's filming everything.

• 1:20:36Mark Normand?

  Maybe early 2000?

• 1:20:38Speaker 01

  Uh, like, no, like, a few years ago.

• 1:20:40Sam Morril?

  Those were iPhones, buddy.

• 1:20:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, you're right.

• 1:20:42Speaker 01

  And then you see.

• 1:20:42Speaker 02

  Oh, my god. It's so disturbing.

• 1:20:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 1:20:48Speaker 02

  What the fuck, dude?

• 1:20:51Mark Normand?

  No, I think he's just standing there.

• 1:20:53Speaker 02

  But he's just sort of.

• 1:20:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, his pants are down.

• 1:20:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's disturbing.

• 1:21:02Mark Normand?

  At least he's wearing a mask.

• 1:21:06Speaker 02

  It could be cocaine. Like.

• 1:21:08Mark Normand?

  But why the pants? He's pulling his pants up.

• 1:21:10Speaker 02

  You ever see the way some people wear their pants?

• 1:21:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, good point.

• 1:21:14Sam Morril?

  Racist.

• 1:21:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:21:15Speaker 02

  Some people!

• 1:21:16Sam Morril?

  You're fucking racist.

• 1:21:17Speaker 01

  You mean the people you see on African Core, your favorite website?

• 1:21:20Sam Morril?

  Mechanic. Play it again, dude. I think he's right. I think the cocaine was on Odell's dick.

• 1:21:25Speaker 02

  Oh, shit.

• 1:21:26Sam Morril?

  There we go. Split the medium.

• 1:21:28Mark Normand?

  I've seen some people blow people in a club. You get, there's more like this going on. I don't know. He's, he's too fresh.

• 1:21:35Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:21:36Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 1:21:37Mark Normand?

  All right, maybe I'm, maybe I'm just trying to benefit the animal.

• 1:21:39Sam Morril?

  They both got their hoods on. They're like, kinda trying to conceal.

• 1:21:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, all right.

• 1:21:43Speaker 02

  Either way.

• 1:21:43Sam Morril?

  But they're also both really famous, so that's also part of it. Maybe they're trying to, you know, be private.

• 1:21:49Mark Normand?

  He did look ashamed. He looked ashamed, though.

• 1:21:51Speaker 02

  I do think bad things happened to Bieber. I think, I, I, yeah, unfortunately.

• 1:21:55Speaker 01

  Unfortunately, I, I think so as well.

• 1:21:57Speaker 02

  Unfortunately.

• 1:21:58Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:21:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. You want your ticket to Hollywood, kid?

• 1:22:00Sam Morril?

  I think it was one of those.

• 1:22:01Mark Normand?

  It was a Joan Rivers.

• 1:22:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'll make you famous, yeah.

• 1:22:04Sam Morril?

  So I'll be glad we weren't cuter kids. Seriously.

• 1:22:07Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 1:22:07Speaker 02

  More talent. I mean, just be thank, I think it's thankful that we're like ugly celebri, well, not crisp, but we're ugly.

• 1:22:15Sam Morril?

  Because I think nobody cares to do, you know, nobody wants to make us famous. They're not gonna offer us anything, but I, Chris eventually will get that offer.

• 1:22:22Speaker 01

  Eventually. I had to suck for Rantus.

• 1:22:24Sam Morril?

  I don't know, dude. I think, I think Chris is on his way down. I think it would have happened.

• 1:22:28Speaker 01

  I know. I'm already 40, man.

• 1:22:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you are.

• 1:22:30Speaker 01

  I got no buyer.

• 1:22:34Mark Normand?

  You got any things up your sleeve for the garden? I mean, you don't have to tell us, but you're gonna have to bring out some big guns.

• 1:22:39Speaker 01

  Okay, we'll, we'll see. Um, right now, right now, no. The only thing I have up my sleeve is moving it to the theater.

• 1:22:50Mark Normand?

  It's fucking scary when you're trying to sell tickets.

• 1:22:53Speaker 01

  Well, Chicago theater's almost sold out. Come see me there in September.

• 1:22:56Sam Morril?

  And go see Chris at MSG, man, 9/11.

• 1:22:58Speaker 01

  September 11th, baby.

• 1:23:00Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:23:01Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Bring your turbans.

• 1:23:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and see me at Comedy on the Carlson in Rochester.

• 1:23:05Speaker 01

  That is a good club.

• 1:23:06Mark Normand?

  Good room.

• 1:23:07Speaker 01

  Boise, Houston, Austin.

• 1:23:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, where you gonna be?

• 1:23:11Speaker 01

  Dallas, New Haven, Albany.

• 1:23:13Sam Morril?

  Oh, gotta get that, I had that Frank Pepe's and the Sally's there.

• 1:23:16Speaker 01

  What do you think's better?

• 1:23:17Mark Normand?

  Sally's.

• 1:23:18Sam Morril?

  Last time I thought Sally's, this time Frank Pepe's was better.

• 1:23:20Speaker 01

  I like Frank Pepe's. I agree with you.

• 1:23:22Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:23:22Sam Morril?

  But they're both amazing. Yeah, and I do think that it's the best pizza. It's the best pizza. I think it's the best. And we're New Yorkers, tried and true, and we have to get, New York is the most consistent with pizza in America, but, but New Haven's the best pizza.

• 1:23:33Speaker 01

  I'll tell you something. I said it yesterday on the Patreon, and I stand by this. If you ever go to Belfast, Ireland, you go to Flaut Pizza.

• 1:23:39Sam Morril?

  I've been.

• 1:23:39Speaker 01

  I've heard about this. Right? It's, it's up there with New York pizza.

• 1:23:42Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:23:43Sam Morril?

  He makes every type, which is nice. He, he does a deep dish, he does like a Detroit style, New Haven, New York.

• 1:23:49Speaker 01

  He's playing Wu-Tang while he's doing it.

• 1:23:50Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 1:23:51Sam Morril?

  And you're in there drinking Irish whiskey with him while he's making it for you. It's great.

• 1:23:54Speaker 01

  It's cool.

• 1:23:55Mark Normand?

  They say the best pizza now in New York's on Long Island. Which, which spot? That's what Colin Quinn said.

• 1:23:59Sam Morril?

  They got great pizza in Long Island.

• 1:24:00Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:24:01Sam Morril?

  Jersey is great pizza, too. I mean, this is. Where? New Jersey. Oh, yeah.

• 1:24:04Speaker 01

  Staten Island has great pizza.

• 1:24:06Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:24:07Sam Morril?

  The Northeast has got great pizza.

• 1:24:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, right.

• 1:24:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:11Mark Normand?

  Hey, hey, New Brunswick. Oh, all right.

• 1:24:14Speaker 01

  I mean, you know, just go over there.

• 1:24:16Mark Normand?

  Go to the website.

• 1:24:17Speaker 01

  The big ones are, oh Paramount Theater, Denver, yeah.

• 1:24:20Mark Normand?

  Great room.

• 1:24:21Speaker 01

  Got a lot of casino gigs. Thank you, Mr. Berkowitz. Guaranteed money.

• 1:24:24Mark Normand?

  Nice moolah.

• 1:24:25Sam Morril?

  Love a good casino.

• 1:24:26Speaker 01

  The Ryman, where me and Mark aren't selling.

• 1:24:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:29Speaker 01

  I'll be there in September. When is Mark? When are you there?

• 1:24:31Mark Normand?

  I'm there in like a week.

• 1:24:32Speaker 01

  Oh, in a week?

• 1:24:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so I'll be even more nervous.

• 1:24:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, go see Mark.

• 1:24:36Sam Morril?

  And then?

• 1:24:37Speaker 01

  Oh, Madison Square Garden, September 11th. You'll see the promos coming out, all filmed and edited by Salikus.

• 1:24:43Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 1:24:44Mark Normand?

  Worst thing to ever happen to New York.

• 1:24:45Sam Morril?

  Me?

• 1:24:47Mark Normand?

  No, that show.

• 1:24:47Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay. Alright, Yannis.

• 1:24:49Speaker 01

  That is.

• 1:24:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, see me in Rochester, San Diego, and one more, Cleveland, and that's it right now, and then I'm gonna find my manager.

• 1:24:57Speaker 01

  And he has a high, he has, there's a very high chance of him doing those gigs, even though the last three gigs, he has canceled all of them.

• 1:25:03Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:25:04Speaker 01

  Just one.

• 1:25:04Mark Normand?

  What happened?

• 1:25:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:05Mark Normand?

  Bird flu?

• 1:25:06Sam Morril?

  No, it just...

• 1:25:07Speaker 01

  These he's gonna do.

• 1:25:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'll do these.

• 1:25:09Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright.

• 1:25:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, let's start, yeah. Columbus, Ohio, Royal Oak, Michigan, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Madison, on a Monday, please come to that. Des Moines, Iowa, St. Louis, Missouri, Kansas City, Minneapolis, and then we got Phoenix, San Diego, Sacramento, San Francisco, Portland, added a late show there, Seattle, Vancouver, added a late show, get on that, we got Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City, and Denver.

• 1:25:34Mark Normand?

  Gotta love it.

• 1:25:34Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:25:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:36Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:25:37Sam Morril?

  samaral.com/shows, or follow us all on Punch Up.

• 1:25:41Mark Normand?

  Hey, hey, I'm at The Villages, we're premiering Pace's Stage, Episode 2, it's gonna be in New York City, that'll be fun, it's almost sold out. State Theater, New Brunswick, then we got, what is that, Gotham? What the hell's that?

• 1:25:53Sam Morril?

  Benefit, N-C-A-C, Benefit.

• 1:25:55Mark Normand?

  Um, yeah, Helping ISIS, then Portchester, Ben Salem, PA, Hampton, New York, we'll see Alec Baldwin out there, Reno, and then Nashville, coming to the Ryman, Napa, Santa Barbara, Asheville, Bristol, Tennessee, New Brunswick, Ithaca, Come On By, and then we're going to UK, and then Australia, so let's yuck it up, we need those...

• 1:26:19Sam Morril?

  Is that Iceland Day?

• 1:26:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and Iceland. So, yeah, we'll do, bring out the Brits.

• 1:26:25Speaker 01

  Oosterholen Belfast is great.

• 1:26:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah?

• 1:26:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a good one.

• 1:26:28Mark Normand?

  Is that where the pizza is?

• 1:26:29Speaker 01

  He's there, yeah.

• 1:26:30Mark Normand?

  Okay, great.

• 1:26:30Sam Morril?

  I'm sure it'll hit you up.

• 1:26:32Mark Normand?

  Bring it on, pizza guy.

• 1:26:34Sam Morril?

  Drink our bodega cat whiskey.

• 1:26:35Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:26:35Sam Morril?

  We're making moves. We just had a great signing. We got a big article coming out. And is it Wine Enthusiast?

• 1:26:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. We made it. We're winos.

• 1:26:42Speaker 01

  Ronan Farrow wrote about you.

• 1:26:44Sam Morril?

  Four-page spread. Yeah, he's bringing down this whole operation. But, uh...

• 1:26:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's Frank Sinatra.

• 1:26:50Sam Morril?

  But, uh, we love you guys.

• 1:26:51Mark Normand?

  Without a doubt. Yeah.

• 1:26:52Sam Morril?

  Great app. We love seeing you guys.

• 1:26:54Mark Normand?

  You guys are always the best.

• 1:26:56Sam Morril?

  All right. Thank you.

• 1:26:57Mark Normand?

  Great podcast.

• 1:26:58Sam Morril?

  Thanks, guys.

• 1:26:58Mark Normand?

  Great comedy.

• 1:26:59Speaker 07

  Sunday's the day for my next fender. A bit of Peverac, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like the cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This one doesn't look like I remember. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

• 1:27:45Sam Morril?

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the HouseMajorityPac.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.