Ep 223: The Cold Open with Phil Hanley

Grab Phil's book "Spellbound" https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250860156/spellbound/ Preorder now and on sale March 18th! Let's get this puppy to the top of the New York Times Best Seller List! Huge thanks for Absolute Zero Cold Plunge for making our dreams come true we got a cold plunge in the studio! The best thing around tons of electronics is a big tub full of water. Dunk like a Drunk and support the show by checking out Absolute Zero! Start your cold plunge journey at https://absolutezeroplunge.com 25% OFF ANYTHING AT ABSOLUTEZEROPLUNGE. COM PROMO CODES: MARKNORMAND SAMMORRIL WMBD Phil Hanley joins us for a great conversation, don't forget to catch him on the road and grab his new book! Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Support the show and get 50% off your first Factor box, plus free shipping. Use code FACTORPODCAST at https://www.factormeals.com/FACTORPODCAST Support the show and check out VIIA. Use code DRUNK for 15% off your order & a free gift for new customers at https://viia.co/DRUNK Phil Hanley: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@philhanley Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/philhanley Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcastomedy Tour Dates Announcement Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Sam Morril?

  Ah!

• 0:02Speaker 01

  Woo!

• 0:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, you.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Ah, dude, I'm kidding.

• 0:07Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 0:08Mark Normand?

  But he does this every day.

• 0:09Sam Morril?

  No I don't. Oof, you gotta join me dude. Come on, Donnis. You.

• 0:17Mark Normand?

  Ah! Ah!

• 0:21Sam Morril?

  Get down.

• 0:22Mark Normand?

  Ah, I can't fit. Ah.

• 0:26Sam Morril?

  We got a 69, come here.

• 0:29Mark Normand?

  Ah, the ball sack, the sack!

• 0:33Sam Morril?

  Broke that cold punch. Ah, cramping.

• 0:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, God.

• 0:37Sam Morril?

  Get down here, brother.

• 0:38Mark Normand?

  Ah, ah, my C-section scar, oh! Ah, ah, what's the timer?

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Forty seconds. Forty seconds.

• 0:47Sam Morril?

  This is nothing, you gotta get a body in there, man.

• 0:50Mark Normand?

  I'm in, ah, I can't breathe, I can't breathe. Ah!

• 0:54Sam Morril?

  You're a, you're a dude. This is not that cold.

• 0:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, Rose.

• 0:58Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 0:59Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 1:00Sam Morril?

  This is.

• 1:01Mark Normand?

  This is freezing, alright.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Alright, do the line read.

• 1:04Mark Normand?

  What's the line, get a cold punch? That make you look longer?

• 1:07Sam Morril?

  The line is, I didn't know Mark was this big a gaping hole, but here he is.

• 1:11Mark Normand?

  The cold, I get into the cold.

• 1:13Sam Morril?

  The cold punch is great, it's like 48, it's not even that bad dude.

• 1:16Mark Normand?

  I feel like Matthew Perry.

• 1:18Sam Morril?

  I feel like Whitney Houston, I'm dying in here.

• 1:21Sam Morril?

  This is crazy.

• 1:22Mark Normand?

  Give me some, ah, ketamine.

• 1:24Sam Morril?

  Mark, come on, this is nothing.

• 1:26Mark Normand?

  Ah, my legs.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  Ten more seconds?

• 1:28Sam Morril?

  Yep.

• 1:29Mark Normand?

  What, you can do it!

• 1:30Sam Morril?

  I mean, this isn't bad.

• 1:31Mark Normand?

  Ah, my legs, they're, they don't work, I'm like osteoporous.

• 1:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, this is, I, I expected better from Mark, this is a pretty.

• 1:38Mark Normand?

  Ah, there's no room. It's like my first apartment.

• 1:41Sam Morril?

  So were you, were you going after me?

• 1:43Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:44Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:44Mark Normand?

  Well, we got the video. I look, I have, uh, trauma from Katrina, I can't hear our water.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  Alright, good.

• 1:52Sam Morril?

  You gotta get the dunk at the end.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Oh, you're going under?

• 1:55Sam Morril?

  I'm going under, bro.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  I'm ready.

• 1:57Mark Normand?

  Get the dunk. Dunkin' Donuts.

• 2:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow, what an animal.

• 2:10Sam Morril?

  Alright, you ready to rock?

• 2:13Sam Morril?

  I mean, I just had one, I'm a piece of shit.

• 2:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, do it.

• 2:16Sam Morril?

  I'm a piece of shit. We're rolling?

• 2:18Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute, where's those coffees?

• 2:20Sam Morril?

  Oh, I thought we said we're not doing coffees because we're drinking.

• 2:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, I thought you already bought them.

• 2:23Sam Morril?

  Oh no, I thought it was either or.

• 2:25Mark Normand?

  Ah, got it.

• 2:26Sam Morril?

  The caffeine or the booze. I'm not a big mix the booze.

• 2:31Mark Normand?

  Oh my, the Rizler?

• 2:32Sam Morril?

  This is, this is tough because we had a guest cancel on us today. This is my peeve. I wrote to this person. They said, "You never confirmed." So then I pull up a screenshot. I hate being, I hate doing the screenshot.

• 2:45Mark Normand?

  Oh no, I love it.

• 2:46Sam Morril?

  But I did it.

• 2:47Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 2:47Sam Morril?

  And it said, "Uh, this date?" Yep, I'm in, and I wrote, "Confirmed."

• 2:53Mark Normand?

  Oooh!

• 2:55Speaker 03

  What did they write right before that?

• 2:57Sam Morril?

  "You never confirmed."

• 2:58Speaker 03

  Didn't they write-

• 2:59Sam Morril?

  Hey, Harry, you never called.

• 3:02Speaker 03

  Didn't they write, "Let me know when it's confirmed," and then you wrote, "Confirmed"?

• 3:06Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 3:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 3:08Mark Normand?

  Which is what?

• 3:08Sam Morril?

  No, I didn't say, "Let me know when it's confirmed." They said, they said, "This date, I'm in," and I wrote, "Confirmed."

• 3:14Mark Normand?

  That's a confirm.

• 3:15Sam Morril?

  That's a confirm.

• 3:15Mark Normand?

  Can't confirm more than confirm.

• 3:17Sam Morril?

  And then, and then said, "Okay, I'm sorry," but it's a peeve.

• 3:21Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 3:22Sam Morril?

  Mark and iron here a lot. It's hard to schedule these.

• 3:24Mark Normand?

  Well, how long ago was that?

• 3:26Sam Morril?

  How long ago before this? It was a few weeks ago.

• 3:28Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright.

• 3:30Sam Morril?

  It was, it was, and this person said there should have been a confirmation after the confirmation. So, uh, uh, right before the thing, we still on, but it's like, for me, it's like, no, it's in the calendar, it's confirmed.

• 3:40Mark Normand?

  That's a confirm. I mean, this is a Larry David moment.

• 3:42Sam Morril?

  It is a Larry David moment.

• 3:43Mark Normand?

  Completely.

• 3:43Sam Morril?

  But I think I'm in the right.

• 3:44Mark Normand?

  You're completely in the right. You wrote confirmed. That's up to her to put in the calendar. We can't hold your hand for every date you have. You were at an appointment. How'd you, was that confirmed every day till the day of? No! You write it down!

• 3:56Sam Morril?

  But then here's the question. Are we like a dental office?

• 4:00Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 4:01Sam Morril?

  Because they do write the confirmation the day before, and now I'm going against myself. But it annoys me when you make a restaurant reservation on like Resy or OpenTable, and they're like, "Are you still in? Press 1 to confirm." I'm like, "Oh, fuck, you had to scramble to, you know, press 1."

• 4:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:14Sam Morril?

  "You're in?" But I'm like, "I had an annoy, I said I was in a day ago."

• 4:17Mark Normand?

  Right, right. And now on-

• 4:19Sam Morril?

  But they do it now.

• 4:20Mark Normand?

  On Resy, if you don't show up, they charge you 50 bucks.

• 4:22Sam Morril?

  That's, I get it. You're holding a table. If it's like a weekend and it's a, that is, I think that there's, that's fair, but, you know, uh-

• 4:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we're not a dental office.

• 4:32Sam Morril?

  We're not a dental podcast.

• 4:34Mark Normand?

  No, but I think, uh, yeah, you can only do so much. You're an adult. You gotta put your shit in the datebook.

• 4:41Sam Morril?

  Gotta put it in the datebook.

• 4:42Mark Normand?

  Yes, a planner. Get yourself a Palm Pilot, sister.

• 4:46Sam Morril?

  A Palm Pilot. Remember, uh, Dope Wars?

• 4:50Mark Normand?

  Dope Wars?

• 4:51Sam Morril?

  That was a game on a Palm Pilot.

• 4:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 4:53Sam Morril?

  You wanna grab your dad's Palm Pilot, and then you'd be like, "Let me download this," and it's just a game where you sell drugs. It's like The Sims for bad kids.

• 5:01Mark Normand?

  Right, right. I never knew Dope War. That's a dark game for a Palm Pilot.

• 5:06Sam Morril?

  You're like, "What's, uh, what's acid going for in Harlem?"

• 5:11Sam Morril?

  I'm in like, 5th grade.

• 5:12Mark Normand?

  My mom had a Palm Pilot. That was a hot ticket item. She was like Elon Musk walking around with that thing in the 90s.

• 5:17Sam Morril?

  It was like, pre-BlackBerry.

• 5:19Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 5:21Sam Morril?

  God, remember BlackBerrys?

• 5:22Mark Normand?

  Of course, the ball, the wheel. It was like the little, uh, golden T on there.

• 5:26Sam Morril?

  It was pretty cool.

• 5:27Mark Normand?

  The little clit.

• 5:28Sam Morril?

  I liked that clit.

• 5:29Mark Normand?

  He loved it. I could find it.

• 5:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's nice having one you can see.

• 5:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah. That clit actually did something.

• 5:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, look at that.

• 5:34Mark Normand?

  No hood on it.

• 5:36Sam Morril?

  The hood.

• 5:37Mark Normand?

  The clitoral hood.

• 5:38Sam Morril?

  You learn a lot as you get older.

• 5:40Mark Normand?

  I could've used that in high school.

• 5:42Sam Morril?

  They never tell you about the hood when you're a kid.

• 5:44Mark Normand?

  Remember Dave Attell? "Ah, the clit under a hood, like a little racist."

• 5:50Mark Normand?

  By the way, is the Q's on mic? Because I read 78 comments about it. I love it. I got a producer, a Google bitch over there, is talking a mile a minute, and we can't even hear what he's saying.

• 6:00Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 6:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so get the guy a little, as much as I hate to say it, get this man a microphone.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  Alright, well, I'm gonna take advantage.

• 6:08Sam Morril?

  We need a scoop for this, too, for the ice.

• 6:10Speaker 03

  I sent this rider...

• 6:12Sam Morril?

  Ugh, my burps are not as good as yours.

• 6:13Mark Normand?

  That was solid. That was a good burp.

• 6:15Sam Morril?

  It was a bad burp. Sorry, what were you saying, sorry?

• 6:17Speaker 03

  I found a Frank Sinatra rider from the 50s or 60s.

• 6:21Sam Morril?

  You sent me this. It's, this is extensive. This makes me feel like not a diva.

• 6:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy. What, what year?

• 6:28Speaker 03

  Based on the color TV, I would guess early 60s.

• 6:31Mark Normand?

  Early 60s, okay.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  You wanna read these, Mark? Can you read them?

• 6:33Mark Normand?

  Color TV, we got to move these. Upright piano for the dressing room, private telephone with dedicated line, one bottle each of vodka, gin, Jack, white wine, Chivas Regal, red wine, and Cabocia!

• 6:52Sam Morril?

  That's a lot, thank you.

• 6:53Mark Normand?

  That is a lot. That's a lot. I mean, an upright piano? What a psycho.

• 6:57Speaker 03

  I love number 11, which was two tuna sandwiches crossed out to be two ham sandwiches.

• 7:02Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 7:03Sam Morril?

  I might have overpoured here, dude. I apologize in advance.

• 7:07Mark Normand?

  You know, it's afternoon.

• 7:09Speaker 03

  12 rolls of cherry lifesavers.

• 7:11Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 7:12Sam Morril?

  Why, only cherry? That's, to me, that's the most annoying part of the whole thing.

• 7:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:16Sam Morril?

  Do they sell them as just cherry? They must have, yeah. They must have back then, cuz that would be, that's the worst part, if you have to pick them apart.

• 7:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah. 12 boxes of Luden's cough drops. Jesus, one bag of mini Tootsie Rolls, a bowl of pretzels and chips, salt and pepper, tea bags, honey, lemon, lime, sugar.

• 7:33Sam Morril?

  It is funny that he's like a tough guy who's like smacking women around, and he's like, "Don't forget my Tootsie Rolls."

• 7:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  Check out number 35, I like this one.

• 7:40Mark Normand?

  35 we're on, a carton of camels.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, no filter.

• 7:44Mark Normand?

  This should be a show, seeing the pimple-faced nerd going out to get all this. The intern who's like, "Ah, Frank Sinatra's gonna kill me."

• 7:51Sam Morril?

  Grocery games, but if you don't deliver, you get fucking beat up by the mob.

• 7:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you get hit with a whiskey glass.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  Sammy, what's on your rider?

• 7:59Sam Morril?

  Mine?

• 7:59Mark Normand?

  Lemon napkins.

• 8:00Sam Morril?

  I got, I got the Bodega Cat whiskey in there. Gotta have that. I got, uh, a fruit plate, get some... This was when I was doing clubs hard, a fruit plate and a veggie plate, cuz you just, get some healthy food, you need some hummus.

• 8:13Mark Normand?

  I do the same.

• 8:14Sam Morril?

  And then, I got some nuts. I used to have some fucking natty wine in there.

• 8:20Mark Normand?

  Ooh!

• 8:20Sam Morril?

  Just cuz you get hangover free.

• 8:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's natural, it's nice.

• 8:24Sam Morril?

  Trying to think what else. Oh, I got, I got the Vixens from Manhattan, so I got vermouth.

• 8:28Mark Normand?

  Nice!

• 8:29Sam Morril?

  I got, uh, the, the cherries, and I got the, uh, man, this might be a photo finish, I might have made this.

• 8:36Mark Normand?

  This is a classy rider you got here. You're like, uh, Dean Martin. All I have is a veggie plate, almonds, Bodega Cat.

• 8:43Sam Morril?

  That's it?

• 8:44Mark Normand?

  That's it.

• 8:44Sam Morril?

  That's a fucking boring rider.

• 8:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 8:46Sam Morril?

  You would've better rider when you were opening for Schumer, you had like beef jerky in there.

• 8:49Mark Normand?

  Well, she was footing the bill, and, uh, I didn't feel as guilty. When it's me... They're gonna go talk shit later. But with her, they talked about her. So I was okay with that. Look at that, making a cocktail in a robe in the middle of the day in Manhattan. Now that's living, baby.

• 9:06Sam Morril?

  We're doing alright.

• 9:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 9:08Sam Morril?

  You gotta, you gotta up that Ryder game. I'm not going crazy, but yeah, a lot of it's honestly, a lot of it's got pushed up because of Eater.

• 9:15Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 9:15Sam Morril?

  When, when you're in the theater, you know, you kinda order dinner and stuff in the club. It used to be hard back in the day. You couldn't get a healthy fucking, I don't wanna have wings for, eat that for years on the road. And at a certain point, you're like, I don't wanna eat this shit anymore.

• 9:26Speaker 03

  Can I give you one from Stavi's Ryder?

• 9:28Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  Two roasted chickens.

• 9:30Mark Normand?

  Two?

• 9:31Speaker 03

  Two.

• 9:32Sam Morril?

  You know, they say those are bad for you.

• 9:33Mark Normand?

  No, what?

• 9:34Sam Morril?

  No, because.

• 9:35Mark Normand?

  All the time.

• 9:36Sam Morril?

  Look it up, but it's like in the ba, it's in a plastic bag. There's all these reasons it's not good for you. Look, I, I don't, I didn't retain any of these. I just see an Instagram video and I'm like, and then I looked it up and then I was like, I don't remember.

• 9:47Mark Normand?

  I get one every time I go. And I pop that iron dome right off there and that, you know what's annoying? This is my peeve. Those fucking tampon strings on the rotisserie that are tying everything up. You try to get a good pull of a chicken leg and it's, it's lynched up with a, with a twine.

• 10:05Mark Normand?

  I hate that twine.

• 10:06Sam Morril?

  I do love a good rotisserie chicken too.

• 10:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, you don't.

• 10:09Sam Morril?

  Oh, no, go ahead.

• 10:10Mark Normand?

  Well, the pro move, you take that thing, you flip it over and you eat the bottom first. The bottom's where all the flavor is.

• 10:17Sam Morril?

  You eat ass?

• 10:18Mark Normand?

  Yes, I'm eating chicken poultry pussy.

• 10:22Sam Morril?

  Whenever you open my comic, I had a bit about eating ass.

• 10:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, that was huge.

• 10:26Sam Morril?

  Every comic, they'd be like, I eat ass. And you'd be like, I don't wanna know that. I don't give a shit.

• 10:33Mark Normand?

  I don't wanna say this, cause I'm sure 900 comics are gonna hear it and go, fuck, I have that bit.

• 10:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:37Mark Normand?

  But I heard this bit, you, you don't do Coke, but you eat ass? You don't drink Coca-Cola, but you eat ass? Everything was, you don't do this, but you eat ass? Eight hundred comics had that formula.

• 10:51Sam Morril?

  But it would, it would probably kill every time.

• 10:53Mark Normand?

  It crushed, it crushed.

• 10:54Sam Morril?

  That's why they did it.

• 10:54Mark Normand?

  I'm, I'm, I don't have, I don't eat gluten, but you eat ass?

• 10:59Sam Morril?

  You know, in retrospect, not a bad point, though.

• 11:02Mark Normand?

  No, it's a great point.

• 11:02Sam Morril?

  The first person who wrote it had something, and then every other comic.

• 11:05Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 11:06Speaker 03

  I can't remember who it was, but they're talking about like, uh...

• 11:08Mark Normand?

  Ooh, that's a perfect-looking Boulevardier.

• 11:11Sam Morril?

  That's why I'm doing this, because we have Phil Hanley coming in. He's a big Negroni guy. Said he didn't want to drink. We heard it through his reps, I guess, but then I text him and he said, "No, I'll have a drink." And he's a big Negroni guy. Boulevardier is just whiskey in place of Negroni. It's whiskey, sweet vermouth, and Campari equal parts. It's a good cocktail.

• 11:28Mark Normand?

  I would drink it a lot. Put it over Negroni for my personal taste. My personal taste.

• 11:32Sam Morril?

  Because of the bodega cat, that's why.

• 11:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah. What do you got, Sally?

• 11:35Speaker 03

  Oh, I was gonna say that Phil has people.

• 11:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 11:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:40Sam Morril?

  We all have people. What do you mean?

• 11:42Speaker 03

  I don't know. He knows you really well. Why would he have to have people to get him on the show?

• 11:45Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 11:46Sam Morril?

  You know, we're busy, and Peters was dealing with them. I don't know.

• 11:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but they don't seem like they're in sync, these Phil people and Phil.

• 11:52Sam Morril?

  They're never... Are they ever in sync? I feel like whoever's repping us always makes us sound more difficult than we are.

• 11:57Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's true. But you need that.

• 12:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:01Mark Normand?

  You know, because we don't want to be the bad guy.

• 12:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you don't want to be a bad guy. But also, we're not bad. I mean, I'm pretty easy, usually.

• 12:07Mark Normand?

  Same. Same. My rider, you heard it.

• 12:10Sam Morril?

  You're easier than me.

• 12:12Mark Normand?

  I got a weird...

• 12:13Sam Morril?

  I got a few people with me in there. They all want to picket stuff, you know?

• 12:17Mark Normand?

  Right, right. That's true. Well, that's nice of you.

• 12:19Sam Morril?

  I got coffee in there, too, actually.

• 12:21Mark Normand?

  Coffee's big.

• 12:22Sam Morril?

  You used to not drink coffee.

• 12:24Mark Normand?

  That's true. Thirty-three, I made it. Till thirty-three, no coffee.

• 12:28Sam Morril?

  I was drinking coffee in, like, seventh grade.

• 12:29Mark Normand?

  Wow. Man, I pictured you with a black coffee, those New York blue cups with the Greek on them.

• 12:35Sam Morril?

  I got those, like, glasses at home.

• 12:38Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 12:39Sam Morril?

  I love those things.

• 12:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's cool. Pull those up. Those ceramicky... Not ceramic, but they're like paper. That's it?

• 12:46Sam Morril?

  I love those.

• 12:47Mark Normand?

  There's nothing more New York than that cup.

• 12:48Sam Morril?

  I love those. Yeah, I got those at home, man.

• 12:50Mark Normand?

  Are those still around?

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Watched the whole TikTok about it. They went out and then a company brought them back in 2015.

• 12:57Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 12:57Sam Morril?

  There's a spot in the East Village called a Bracco and they serve, that's like really, really good coffee and they, they serve them out of there and it's one of those places, I think it's Big Nab, but when it opened, it was one of those like, you know, curly haired Italian guys, old guy with great curly, uh, gray hair.

• 13:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:16Sam Morril?

  And he would just open when he felt like it, which was so annoying because you're like, I want a coffee, but he'd be like, yeah, I feel like working from like 12 to 3 today.

• 13:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 13:23Sam Morril?

  Okay, but I don't know when you're gonna, we don't know when, but he didn't give a shit and it worked.

• 13:26Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 13:27Sam Morril?

  Not caring works.

• 13:28Mark Normand?

  I know, it's so true. Every guy who didn't care gets laid.

• 13:32Sam Morril?

  It's true.

• 13:33Mark Normand?

  You know, and then every guy's like, what does she like? Oh, he's getting nothing. He's dry as a bone.

• 13:37Sam Morril?

  The twiddling the fingers doesn't help either. Come on, come on, tell me about her pussy.

• 13:42Mark Normand?

  There's a dumpling place in Chinatown, four dumplings for a dollar, but they'll just close when they run out. So they'll just run out.

• 13:49Sam Morril?

  Four for a dollar?

• 13:51Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, it's best deal in town.

• 13:52Sam Morril?

  That's incredible. What were they, pork? What are we talking?

• 13:54Mark Normand?

  Pork, yeah. And there's a line out the door every single time.

• 13:58Sam Morril?

  Even the biggest vegetarian will kind of clamp up in the city when there's a deal.

• 14:02Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 14:03Sam Morril?

  How about the, how about that, uh, the frog legs in the, or like the, you pass those windows, you see the ducks. It is a little, it is aggressive.

• 14:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, the skin ducks, the red, yeah. That's true.

• 14:14Sam Morril?

  You walk through Chinatown, you're like, it's a, it's a culture clash.

• 14:17Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah. It's nice. Chinatown is eating Little Italy alive, by the way. You seeing this?

• 14:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 14:22Mark Normand?

  Little Italy used to be here and then Chinatown was here and now Chinatown is slowly, the Chinese, they're better at everything. They're just, they're killing the wops.

• 14:31Sam Morril?

  They're eating them alive and then they're hungry again 30 minutes later.

• 14:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I mean, uh, I think Chinatown is just morphing. Little Italy used to go all the way up to Houston.

• 14:41Sam Morril?

  What, what, what's the significant, oh, the movie Chinatown. I'm such an idiot.

• 14:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, nicely done.

• 14:46Sam Morril?

  I'm a dumbass.

• 14:47Mark Normand?

  Chinatown, Jake.

• 14:48Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, look at those. I mean, it looks delicious, so.

• 14:51Mark Normand?

  Another better than Peking.

• 14:53Sam Morril?

  God, it's fucking good.

• 14:54Mark Normand?

  Love a Peking.

• 14:55Sam Morril?

  Crispy skin.

• 14:57Mark Normand?

  You know what I love is those, uh, bao, those little white fluffy bread?

• 15:02Sam Morril?

  The dumpling things?

• 15:03Speaker 03

  Shrimp toast?

• 15:04Mark Normand?

  No, no, no. It's like a fluffy bread that you clamp onto a meat.

• 15:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it, like a bao.

• 15:10Mark Normand?

  I think it's bao. B-O-I, maybe?

• 15:12Sam Morril?

  A bao bun, I think it's called.

• 15:13Mark Normand?

  B-O, B-A-O. Ow, I love a bao bun. Look at that thing, yes! It's like a puffy pussy.

• 15:21Sam Morril?

  It does.

• 15:22Mark Normand?

  Look at that.

• 15:22Sam Morril?

  We should stop saying taco. We should start calling it a bao bun.

• 15:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 15:26Sam Morril?

  I mean taco's not a great.

• 15:27Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 15:28Sam Morril?

  No woman wants it.

• 15:29Mark Normand?

  Pink taco?

• 15:29Sam Morril?

  Nice taco. Man, that's a good taco.

• 15:33Mark Normand?

  You know what my lady calls it? The dolphin smile.

• 15:35Sam Morril?

  Wow, why?

• 15:37Mark Normand?

  She's got a real

• 15:38Sam Morril?

  Oh no!

• 15:39Mark Normand?

  zipped up, organized, tight clamp.

• 15:43Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 15:43Mark Normand?

  Like, don't, give me a, just a dolphin, there it is, that's it, on the, on the left.

• 15:47Sam Morril?

  So she's saying she has a great vagina?

• 15:49Mark Normand?

  Yes, it's tight and it's sealed up. It's not all wacky, like a, like a sail at a car lot, that fucking inflatable thing.

• 15:57Sam Morril?

  You see, you hear guys brag about their dick, but you rarely hear women say, "I got a great pussy."

• 16:01Mark Normand?

  She's very into her vagina.

• 16:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 16:04Mark Normand?

  As am I.

• 16:05Sam Morril?

  You should be.

• 16:06Mark Normand?

  I guess so, yeah.

• 16:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that would suck if you're like, "Her pussy stinks."

• 16:10Mark Normand?

  And what's fun about her vagina is I've seen it more than she has.

• 16:13Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 16:13Mark Normand?

  Well, yeah, 'cause she can't, a woman can't get down there.

• 16:16Sam Morril?

  I guess, yeah, I don't know why I said really. That makes more sense.

• 16:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I've seen it a million times, and she's seen it maybe twice, three?

• 16:21Sam Morril?

  A good vagina is so important. I've definitely, like, you have those one night stands where you just, you have a real bad one.

• 16:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  What's a bad one?

• 16:29Sam Morril?

  Not

• 16:30Mark Normand?

  Flappy, floppy?

• 16:31Sam Morril?

  Not sanitary either. Like, it was a bad smell once, and I was like, I was too embarrassed to say anything, so I just ate it.

• 16:39Sam Morril?

  It's like sending the food back, but the, but the rest, but the chef would be really offended.

• 16:43Mark Normand?

  Right!

• 16:43Sam Morril?

  You can't do it.

• 16:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:45Mark Normand?

  Can't do it.

• 16:45Sam Morril?

  Sucked.

• 16:46Mark Normand?

  But yeah, you're face to face with that thing, so you want it to be somewhat, you know, attractive.

• 16:50Sam Morril?

  There's definitely a, there's definitely a moment when you're down there and you're like, "Phew."

• 16:56Mark Normand?

  Yes, for sure.

• 16:57Sam Morril?

  How do, where do you stand on hairy muff?

• 16:59Mark Normand?

  I don't mind, like, a, I worked a hard day, Don Draper, five o'clock. Sometimes I'll put a cigarette in it, but, uh, I don't love the full bush.

• 17:09Sam Morril?

  Full bush is, it's, it feels aggressive.

• 17:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:12Sam Morril?

  It's like, I, you know, I could've guessed you were for a woman's right to choose. You didn't need to rub it in.

• 17:16Mark Normand?

  Right, right, yeah. I mean, if your vagina looks like the top of my head, I'm out.

• 17:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, if it looks like, uh, Tommy Chong's hair.

• 17:25Sam Morril?

  We got a problem.

• 17:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but I don't mind a little stubble. I like a little stubble or a little fluff on the top, like a little Hitler on top. I'm cool with that.

• 17:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah. How about like armpit hair? Where do you stand on that?

• 17:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I know I'm an asshole, but I just don't like it.

• 17:37Sam Morril?

  Me too. I can't do it.

• 17:39Mark Normand?

  See, women are allowed to not like things. Like, my wife would be like, ponytail on a guy, fuck that. If I ever met a guy with a ponytail, I'd kick him down the stairs. But I feel like if a guy goes, "Hey, armpit hair is fucking gross," everybody's like, "You're an asshole."

• 17:51Sam Morril?

  Oh, and I'm aware of my body hair is a situation. I know it's bad.

• 17:55Mark Normand?

  But you're a male.

• 17:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but see, that's the problem.

• 17:59Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 17:59Sam Morril?

  Is we're like, we're like, "I don't like this," and I'm like, "But I just, I got, I got some hair up here. I got the Captain America fucking shoulder hair."

• 18:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow, damn.

• 18:09Sam Morril?

  You know, it's not great.

• 18:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:11Sam Morril?

  But yeah, the armpit hair is tough.

• 18:13Mark Normand?

  But she's like, if I see a guy with jewelry, if I see a guy with a ponytail, if I see a guy with, uh, like, I don't know, tight, too tight of a jean, she's out.

• 18:21Sam Morril?

  A lot of actors do the ponytail.

• 18:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:23Sam Morril?

  You see like Leo do it for a while, Orlando Bloom. I feel like some of those guys were just getting so much pussy, they were just like, "Let me, let me do a heat check."

• 18:30Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 18:31Sam Morril?

  "Let me see if I'm still getting ass with this ponytail," and they do.

• 18:34Mark Normand?

  They clean up.

• 18:35Sam Morril?

  And they're like, "Fuck it, I'll cut it," you know?

• 18:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the man bun. Every guy who gets a man bun, women make fun of them, but that guy gets tons of gash.

• 18:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and you know they could probably play guitar.

• 18:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and maybe surf or woodworking. Look at these, all hot guys. Man bun, man bun, man bun. Steven Seagal.

• 18:51Sam Morril?

  Steven Seagal is one hot dude.

• 18:53Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 18:54Sam Morril?

  Man, Seagal movies are just, they're not good.

• 18:57Mark Normand?

  No, but they're like so bad, they're fun.

• 18:59Sam Morril?

  Pull up, pull up like a classic one.

• 19:01Mark Normand?

  He, I would say he's the original Andrew Tate. Cause he's like, "I'm the shit, I'm awesome, everybody wants to be me, I can kick anyone's ass, I'm the coolest guy." He has zero humility, this guy.

• 19:10Sam Morril?

  And he eventually had to leave America. But Tate is back, they say, right?

• 19:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, is that right?

• 19:16Sam Morril?

  That's what they're saying.

• 19:17Mark Normand?

  Well, there you go. We'll get him on here.

• 19:20Mark Normand?

  Did you watch the Oscars?

• 19:21Sam Morril?

  I did watch them. I thought Conan was unbelievable.

• 19:23Mark Normand?

  Conan's always the best.

• 19:24Sam Morril?

  He's just, he's just the best.

• 19:25Mark Normand?

  He's a great guy.

• 19:26Sam Morril?

  That Drake halftime joke was so good.

• 19:29Mark Normand?

  So good, and I love the Lithgow thing. I love the shoe where you're like, this is, no one else would do this but Conan.

• 19:34Sam Morril?

  And, and the, the worm from Dune. And he goes, this is a showbiz thing. You spend that kind of money, you gotta use it twice. I love that. I love Conan.

• 19:43Mark Normand?

  Me too. Yeah, he's the best. Um, I thought it was fun. I felt like it wasn't as, um, queefy as the rest of them.

• 19:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, until Adrian Brody spoke.

• 19:52Mark Normand?

  I didn't make it that far.

• 19:53Sam Morril?

  Oh my god. Longest acceptance speech ever.

• 19:56Speaker 03

  Like five minutes plus.

• 19:57Sam Morril?

  It was almost as long as The Brutalist. It was that fucking, no.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  You had a really good tweet. What was it?

• 20:02Sam Morril?

  Oh, I don't remember, but it was something along, yeah, he needs an intermission or something. Yeah.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  Speechy and intermission.

• 20:06Sam Morril?

  No, but he, uh, yeah, he, he, there's, it was like everything people hate about actors.

• 20:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:13Sam Morril?

  Is what he did in the speech. It didn't, he didn't say anything, but he just was like, I'm gonna keep going.

• 20:17Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 20:18Sam Morril?

  It's like it reminds you like, you're really good.

• 20:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:21Sam Morril?

  When you have a script.

• 20:22Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 20:24Sam Morril?

  When you're writing it, there's a reason there isn't, uh, any screenplay by Adrian Brody things out there.

• 20:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah. But Shalit Mu.

• 20:31Sam Morril?

  He should have won, I think.

• 20:32Mark Normand?

  He was upset. You could tell. He was visibly upset. Yeah.

• 20:34Sam Morril?

  This is, uh, the same thing with Demi Moore, but, uh, I thought, I thought Shalit May should have won the Oscar. I thought he was awesome.

• 20:42Mark Normand?

  Somebody had a good tweet. Demi Moore lost to a hotter, younger woman, and they're like, this is the plot.

• 20:46Sam Morril?

  There's a substance. Did you see the substance?

• 20:47Mark Normand?

  I have not. I, I, I'm going to you.

• 20:48Sam Morril?

  You heard my story, yeah. Yeah, it's kinda fucked up, right?

• 20:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, look at Kylie. Man, she is like a cartoon woman.

• 20:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:56Mark Normand?

  Huge cans, nice face, big hips, small waist.

• 21:00Sam Morril?

  That's like the Kardashian way.

• 21:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but how do you go from, what is it, Travis Scott, was that who she was with?

• 21:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 21:06Mark Normand?

  The blackest man on the planet, to this little twink dressed as Curious, Curious George?

• 21:11Sam Morril?

  I think sometimes you overcorrect.

• 21:13Mark Normand?

  Ah, yes.

• 21:15Sam Morril?

  But I remember Jim Jefferies had a bit about, he dated a girl whose actress is Michael Phelps, and he's like, can you imagine fucking the greatest athlete in the world and then me?

• 21:24Mark Normand?

  So true. Overcorrect. I think you got something there, because.

• 21:27Sam Morril?

  We all do it.

• 21:29Mark Normand?

  You think?

• 21:29Sam Morril?

  Oh, I think it also-

• 21:30Mark Normand?

  You've been pretty consistent.

• 21:32Sam Morril?

  I think I'm all over the map, honestly.

• 21:34Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 21:34Sam Morril?

  I think you also, when something goes wrong, you're like, look, as you get older, I think you get better at this, and you're kind of like, I'm gonna rule this out, I'm gonna rule that out.

• 21:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:43Sam Morril?

  But then when you're, I think, she's still young, I think you're kind of like, this was an extreme choice.

• 21:48Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 21:49Sam Morril?

  I'm going the other way.

• 21:50Mark Normand?

  And he is maybe one of the hotter actors in show business right now, so it's, no matter what he looks like, you're still dating one of the, like, the, he's like the Leo of our time, you know?

• 21:59Sam Morril?

  He's crushing it.

• 22:00Mark Normand?

  Crushing it. And he's good, he's talented.

• 22:02Sam Morril?

  Do you like that movie?

• 22:03Mark Normand?

  I liked it, I, I, I thought it was okay, and I talked to him, and he, you know, you ever have that where you see a movie, and you're like, eh, it's pretty good, then you talk to somebody, you're like, oh, maybe it was great.

• 22:13Sam Morril?

  You, oh, you thought it was great?

• 22:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I had some analysis for Mark.

• 22:16Sam Morril?

  What's your analysis?

• 22:17Speaker 03

  Um, it's just that he was involved in, like, two different love triangles. One with two men, and one with two women, and the stories paralleled each other. I was telling him how great the writing was.

• 22:30Sam Morril?

  Hmm.

• 22:31Mark Normand?

  What do you think?

• 22:32Sam Morril?

  Uh, I thought some of the dialogue was not great, but like, great director, love James Mangold.

• 22:38Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 22:38Speaker 03

  And it looked so-

• 22:39Sam Morril?

  It looked beautiful. And he was incredible, man. And, and the woman who played Joan Baez was amazing.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  I've never seen her in anything like this.

• 22:45Mark Normand?

  Monica.

• 22:46Sam Morril?

  She was great.

• 22:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:47Sam Morril?

  Uh, dude, he nailed it. It's one of those things where you're like, oh, yeah, I love Bob Dylan's songs.

• 22:53Mark Normand?

  Me too, love it.

• 22:53Sam Morril?

  You're just watching a biopic, and even if they're bad, you're like, like, people hate the Queen one, but just watching Rami Malek do Bohemian Rhapsody, all these songs, you're kind of like, it's kind of cool.

• 23:04Mark Normand?

  That Live Aid scene was unbelievable. The fact that they recreated that so perfectly, it was incredible.

• 23:09Sam Morril?

  It's like, I'll watch someone do bad karaoke. So when you see someone fucking crush it with, like, high production value,

• 23:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:15Sam Morril?

  there's worse ways to spend your time. I, I saw the Elton John movie, I thought that guy was pretty incredible.

• 23:20Mark Normand?

  That guy was great, Rocket Man.

• 23:21Sam Morril?

  I mean, it is usually, at least this wasn't like the totally traditional storyline that they all follow, where it was like, okay, it was, it was unique, it was like about being a folk artist versus being a, you know, doing what you ever, whatever you want to do. I think it's a little weird to go in electric thing, because it's like-

• 23:40Sam Morril?

  He had everything, and this is like kinda all they had. And he's like, "I'm gonna fucking do what I wanna do." And, and I also get, the other part of me is like, "That's rock and roll, man."

• 23:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:49Sam Morril?

  Sometimes you gotta do what you want. So I kinda go back and forth where it's like, "We didn't have to do this there, you just did it to kinda be a dick."

• 23:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 23:56Sam Morril?

  But also like, getting, you get to this level because you do whatever the fuck you want.

• 24:00Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 24:01Sam Morril?

  And that's, I don't know.

• 24:02Mark Normand?

  I getcha.

• 24:03Sam Morril?

  What do you think of that?

• 24:04Mark Normand?

  I felt the same way when I went from a toothbrush to an Oral-B. I went from acoustic to, okay. But, uh, remember David Tell's joke? He goes, uh, "What do you like, ma'am? A vibrator?" She goes, "I go fingers." He goes, "Mmm, acoustic."

• 24:17Sam Morril?

  Acoustic.

• 24:18Mark Normand?

  Acoustic. Uh, but yeah, I thought it was good.

• 24:20Sam Morril?

  That's how I felt with the Vacu Glide. I was like, "I'm still good jerking off of my..." Did, did you fuck the Vacu Glide, Matt?

• 24:25Speaker 01

  No.

• 24:26Mark Normand?

  That's a yes.

• 24:27Speaker 01

  Nah.

• 24:28Sam Morril?

  How was, was it amazing?

• 24:29Speaker 01

  I didn't fuck it.

• 24:31Sam Morril?

  Well, then what, what happened to it?

• 24:33Speaker 01

  It's in the storage room somewhere.

• 24:34Sam Morril?

  What? We thought you were gonna take it.

• 24:36Mark Normand?

  Give it to Hanley.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 24:38Sam Morril?

  We gotta give it to someone. I mean, it's so... For those of you who don't know, the Vacu Glide is a, uh, $1,000 dick sucking device.

• 24:47Mark Normand?

  Is it a thousand bucks?

• 24:48Sam Morril?

  It's a thousand bucks. And, uh, yeah, I know. And Mark and I, to protect our friendship, since they only sent one, we decided to neither take it.

• 24:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I mean, for a thousand bucks, you could get ten hookers.

• 25:00Sam Morril?

  Ten hook, where are you getting hookers?

• 25:01Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute. How much is a hooker these days?

• 25:03Sam Morril?

  A hundred bucks for a hooker?

• 25:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:05Sam Morril?

  What is this, 1922?

• 25:07Mark Normand?

  Go down to AC. Get a, get a couple of skeevy, pockmarked weirdos.

• 25:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you don't need to play my shit. No, but you know, Vacu Glide, so...

• 25:15Mark Normand?

  That was a good bit.

• 25:16Sam Morril?

  We, so we, uh...

• 25:19Sam Morril?

  So we, I, I thought we gave it to you because you could, someone could enjoy the greatest blowjob ever. You'll fuck it tonight and report back?

• 25:26Mark Normand?

  Full review.

• 25:27Sam Morril?

  Let us live vicariously... You remember at the end of Ebert's life, when he was missing his jaw? And he, and people were like, "Yeah, I feel bad eating in front of you." And he's like, "No, eat for me. Fuck this thing for us."

• 25:41Sam Morril?

  Report back.

• 25:42Mark Normand?

  How did he, was that from dick sucking? How'd he hurt his jaw? Alright. Sorry, that was too far. Um, but yeah.

• 25:50Sam Morril?

  Putting it in there might feel as good as a Vacu Glide.

• 25:52Mark Normand?

  That's true. That thing's loose and wet.

• 25:53Sam Morril?

  No, no bums anymore.

• 25:54Mark Normand?

  Look at those lips.

• 25:58Mark Normand?

  Well, he'd see your dick come out the side, I think.

• 26:00Sam Morril?

  Oh, no.

• 26:01Mark Normand?

  That was a tough, tough ending.

• 26:03Sam Morril?

  Poor guy.

• 26:04Mark Normand?

  Great doc.

• 26:05Sam Morril?

  Great writer, too.

• 26:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he was.

• 26:07Sam Morril?

  Anytime I watch an old movie, if he has a review on it, I'll read it after the movie.

• 26:11Mark Normand?

  Me, too.

• 26:11Sam Morril?

  Cause he's so good.

• 26:12Mark Normand?

  I do the same thing.

• 26:13Sam Morril?

  Cause he'll say shit that you don't realize that you feel.

• 26:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:17Sam Morril?

  You're like, oh wow, you articulated that in a way I never... Like, maybe I would've someday figured that out, but like, he's so good at breaking down.

• 26:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he was a little harsh at times, too. There's some stuff where you're like, oh, easy, Ebert, you didn't have to say that.

• 26:28Sam Morril?

  I disagree with him a lot on comedies.

• 26:30Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 26:30Sam Morril?

  That's kinda where I'm kinda like, meh. He could trash a comedy and be like, nah, I think it's funny. But then sometimes he would... Like, he loved Booty Call. He'd occasionally like one where you'd be like, damn, I didn't see that coming, Ebert.

• 26:39Mark Normand?

  That's hilarious. Yeah, there you go.

• 26:41Sam Morril?

  There you go, yeah.

• 26:42Mark Normand?

  There's the wife.

• 26:43Sam Morril?

  Pull up that... Remember that scene in Booty Call? This is like 90's comedy, where you could get away with shit that like, they just don't do anymore. The two deli guys, you gotta lick it before you stick it. This is the scene where I'm like, this would never... You gotta love the 90's for just doing insane shit like this.

• 26:59Mark Normand?

  Well, boy, did they.

• 27:02Sam Morril?

  This movie has some moments. You gotta skip it a little.

• 27:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, a little further, I think.

• 27:13Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 27:14Sam Morril?

  What the fuck is this? I don't remember this part.

• 27:21Sam Morril?

  When you realize this movie had an insane budget, too?

• 27:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, this was a big budget picture.

• 27:26Sam Morril?

  This definitely isn't it. It must be way before this.

• 27:29Mark Normand?

  I bet this cleaned up at the box office.

• 27:32Sam Morril?

  God, Jamie Foxx has been around a while, huh?

• 27:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Living Color, they were on together, those two. Speaking of...

• 27:37Sam Morril?

  No, this isn't it. It's another one, whatever.

• 27:39Mark Normand?

  Speaking of overcorrection, Katie Holmes was dating Tom Cruise and then went to Jamie Foxx. Talk about ultimate correct.

• 27:46Sam Morril?

  That's crazy.

• 27:47Mark Normand?

  Color correct. But yeah, yeah, she, uh, I watched her make out with him at the backstage of Jimmy Fallon.

• 27:53Sam Morril?

  You watched it?

• 27:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:55Sam Morril?

  Did he tape it?

• 27:56Mark Normand?

  I drew it, I taped it, I filmed it, I audio recorded, and I tried to join in.

• 28:02Sam Morril?

  That is definitely a white guy on the right there, isn't it?

• 28:04Mark Normand?

  That's a Jewish guy, for sure.

• 28:08Speaker 01

  Alright, wha- wha- wha- what's so funny?

• 28:12Mark Normand?

  Dude, this is the 90s!

• 28:15Speaker 01

  You got to lick it before you kick it! You got to make it soft and wet before you stick it!

• 28:23Sam Morril?

  Someone wrote that in the script!

• 28:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and they had to audition for that! You got to lick it, no, no, go browner, go more ethnic!

• 28:32Sam Morril?

  The 90s were a good time!

• 28:33Mark Normand?

  They were great!

• 28:34Sam Morril?

  Hey, what's up dude? How are ya? Yeah, sit down, sit down! We figured for you, cuz you're a Negroni guy, we made Boulevardier.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  Oh, that's beautiful!

• 28:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah!

• 28:43Mark Normand?

  Don't mind the robes!

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Hey, I'd mind the robes.

• 28:46Mark Normand?

  Don't ask!

• 28:46Sam Morril?

  We did a cold plunge before.

• 28:48Speaker 04

  I heard, cuz I said, when I got in here, I was like, do I have to sit beside Norman wearing that?

• 28:53Speaker 04

  And he goes, "Yeah, they did a cold plunge." Do you have a cold plunge in the studio?

• 28:56Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah!

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, put that front and center.

• 28:59Mark Normand?

  It's a sponsor, so...

• 29:00Speaker 04

  Oh really?

• 29:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you gotta show some love!

• 29:02Speaker 04

  Wow, thank you. How, wha- do you do that every episode?

• 29:06Mark Normand?

  No, he has one at the house and he does it every morning.

• 29:08Sam Morril?

  No, I don't do it every day. I- I- I had a cheap one, I got rid of it, and, uh... I got one for like 500 bucks, and I was like, uh, I used it for a while, it was good!

• 29:17Speaker 04

  Yeah!

• 29:17Sam Morril?

  But then the winter comes, and I got a cheap one, and it was so cold this winter, it just turned into like a block of ice!

• 29:22Mark Normand?

  Oh shit!

• 29:23Sam Morril?

  I'd go on the road and forget about it, and I'd come home, I'd be like, "How the fuck do I get rid of this?"

• 29:26Mark Normand?

  Right!

• 29:27Sam Morril?

  So I just waited till a day it got warm and melted, I tossed it, but they sent us a few of these, so...

• 29:33Speaker 04

  Wow!

• 29:34Sam Morril?

  This is a good one!

• 29:35Speaker 04

  How, it's just such an unpleasant experience!

• 29:38Mark Normand?

  It's brutal, I couldn't do it!

• 29:39Sam Morril?

  He couldn't even get in, he was a fucking baby!

• 29:40Mark Normand?

  I got up to here and I squealed like a pig!

• 29:42Speaker 04

  Yeah!

• 29:43Sam Morril?

  I tried to pull him in!

• 29:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 29:45Speaker 04

  But... So, but you- do you do them?

• 29:47Mark Normand?

  No!

• 29:47Speaker 04

  Oh really?

• 29:48Mark Normand?

  No, no, I'm gonna try, I'm gonna really go for it, cuz they wake you up, they're great for the- the body!

• 29:52Sam Morril?

  I like waking up to it.

• 29:53Speaker 04

  Do you feel great afterwards?

• 29:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you feel amazing!

• 29:55Speaker 04

  Really?

• 29:56Sam Morril?

  I would like to listen to my girlfriend's stories, it was crazy! I'd be connected!

• 30:00Speaker 04

  How long do you feel good for?

• 30:01Sam Morril?

  It gives you a boost, you feel more focused. For someone who has bad ADD, it would make me pay attention, so cheers, boys.

• 30:08Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 30:08Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 30:10Speaker 04

  Congrats on the book.

• 30:10Mark Normand?

  Congrats, a new book.

• 30:12Speaker 04

  Did you guys get copies? I sent you, I made a list of people that got copies and you guys were on the list.

• 30:18Mark Normand?

  I'm waiting.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  Oh, really? It's gonna arrive.

• 30:20Mark Normand?

  Okay, I'll believe it when I see it.

• 30:22Sam Morril?

  No, I love it, dude. I love the, but it's, I get that it's, uh, you sound like a douche. It's like, I remember I was on Legion of Skanks once and Louis was like, "The two douchiest thing a person could do is cold plunge and get an IV drip." I'm like, "I've done both this week."

• 30:36Mark Normand?

  I like how they're telling us what's douchey. They've got a black baby with like a swastika on its forehead, they're like, "Hey, cold plunge is horrible."

• 30:43Sam Morril?

  I'm like, "Yeah, can you clip that out of the clips you post with me?"

• 30:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  IV drip is great. I've only done it once.

• 30:49Mark Normand?

  Love IV drip.

• 30:50Speaker 04

  Can I put my coat somewhere?

• 30:51Mark Normand?

  Throw it anywhere. Throw it on the, on the big barrel.

• 30:54Sam Morril?

  Put it in the plunge!

• 30:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there you go.

• 30:56Speaker 04

  Is that on screen? Does that look bad? Alright.

• 30:59Mark Normand?

  You're fine.

• 30:59Speaker 04

  Sweet.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  Oh my god, it's great to see you guys. I feel like I never get to see you anymore.

• 31:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we're all pretty busy. We're running around. I got a kid, he's, uh, on a bus.

• 31:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:09Speaker 04

  How's the bus?

• 31:10Sam Morril?

  Good. Throwing on some movies, having fun. How's the road? How you liking it?

• 31:15Speaker 04

  It's good. It's been great. I don't, I just fly everywhere, but, uh...

• 31:19Mark Normand?

  Same.

• 31:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:20Mark Normand?

  I don't like the bus.

• 31:22Speaker 04

  I, I think you'd have to be really selective. I think Sam's got a good crew.

• 31:26Mark Normand?

  Great crew.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:27Mark Normand?

  Veder, can't go wrong with Veder. He fits in the overhead, he doesn't talk.

• 31:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, it's cheap on flights.

• 31:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:33Speaker 04

  What, uh, and how's the kid?

• 31:35Mark Normand?

  Eh, you know, he's in the cold plunge right now. He's, he's belly up, but, uh... I got a lot of kid material.

• 31:42Speaker 04

  Really?

• 31:42Mark Normand?

  I don't wanna be the dad comic, so I'm making it my own.

• 31:46Sam Morril?

  You'll never be the dad comic.

• 31:47Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay, great. They're dark, twisted jokes, but with the kid, people really, um, I get the whole rock thing. People like open up to you. When I say I have a kid, they're like, "Oh, this guy's a kid? I gotta hear those."

• 31:56Sam Morril?

  Rock said that to me once. He was like, he's like, "You gotta have a kid to grow with your audience, because all the old guys who don't have kids are weird."

• 32:04Speaker 04

  Oh, I think that's true. I don't wanna name names.

• 32:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:07Sam Morril?

  But I said, I said, "How about Quinn?" He goes, "One exception." He goes, "That's one exception."

• 32:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, but Quinn is so tuned in to everything that...

• 32:15Mark Normand?

  And he's so empathetic and warm already.

• 32:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:17Mark Normand?

  You know, other comics, I'm not gonna name names, but they get a little cold and stiff over the years.

• 32:21Speaker 04

  I remember coming home and I was getting, I was in Philly and I was taking the train home after a gig. Like, there was like one show at the Punchline or whatever. And I met a comic who is single, doesn't have a kid, definitely will never have a kid. And, uh, I was like, and I was going home to an unhappy relationship and he was going by himself and I was like, "Fuck, you gotta, you can't," he's like a comic, comic, comic, and I'm like, "You gotta introduce some normality to this weird life."

• 32:49Mark Normand?

  And it just, it shakes it up, because we could do the same, we could do the same thing for the rest of our lives routinely. Road.

• 32:55Sam Morril?

  Well, how often do you feel, you're on the road so hard right now, you're on the road so hard right now, it's like, so easy to just be like, "Here's another fucking airport joke."

• 33:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:03Speaker 04

  I finally have airport jokes. I have two, but I fought it for two decades. But you can't, you spend so much time there, shit happens.

• 33:11Mark Normand?

  I know, and I don't subscribe to that whole like, "Hey, you can't do this topic, can't do that."

• 33:14Speaker 04

  No.

• 33:14Mark Normand?

  If it's funny, it's funny. Louis has amazing airplane jokes.

• 33:17Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 33:18Mark Normand?

  So, just do it if it's funny.

• 33:20Speaker 04

  This is an airplane, but it's, it does take place in an airport.

• 33:24Mark Normand?

  That's fine.

• 33:24Sam Morril?

  It happens, yeah. The opener of my last special was like missing a connect flight and it was more about like, just how I dealt with it with the baby. It wasn't really about the flight. Oh, thanks, man, but.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  That joke, I always think of that, that particular joke, I think of now, because I'm trying to, I haven't been writing the way I should, because I've been working on a fucking book for eight years.

• 33:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I can't imagine like how much creative energy you have to put in that and then trying to write stand-up, right?

• 33:47Speaker 04

  Dude, and then now, and then after this, I have to do the audiobook.

• 33:50Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 33:51Speaker 04

  I can't read.

• 33:52Mark Normand?

  You're gonna be slurring.

• 33:53Speaker 04

  It's gotta be, I'm wondering.

• 33:54Sam Morril?

  How do you do an audiobook, because the book's about being dyslexic?

• 33:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's about being dyslexic, it's, Sal Akkus was there, a part of it.

• 34:03Sam Morril?

  Did your agents laugh when you said you wanted to do the audio?

• 34:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, they didn't want me to, my manager wasn't like over the moon about it, because it, most people do it in a couple days. And it took me 64 hours. I have one more session I have to do today and then I have a pickup session. But, uh,

• 34:17Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  It's, it was like, I would, because I can't read, like, I can read in my head, but out loud, it was like, I'd have to be like, Like I was like, okay, you can fucking do this. Like Right. Pepping my, like, getting, oh, fuck, man. It was crazy. It's like Rocky, but for a paragraph? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Chucking eggs? Yeah, it was, yeah, it was fucking rough, but I'm almost done. But I thought it was important because otherwise, it's like, the whole book is like, kind of about like, you know, overcoming, um, you know, diverse, or diversity.

• 34:49Speaker 04

  Trump's doing it. And, uh, just of the times.

• 34:51Sam Morril?

  Three white guys, guys. We did it.

• 34:54Speaker 04

  Overcoming adversity, stuff like that. So it felt weird not to do the audiobook, but god damn, it was brutal.

• 34:59Mark Normand?

  But that's a great pitch. The fact that you can't fucking read or spell. I mean, we texted with you. It's, uh, crazy shit.

• 35:05Speaker 04

  You said, yeah, you said it seemed like a ransom note.

• 35:07Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. It's all over the place. And I'm like deciphering words, like, oh, he, he meant adversity, not diversity.

• 35:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:14Mark Normand?

  You know? See, you learn to speak Phil.

• 35:16Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, so it was fucking, uh, yeah, it was something, but I'm almost done. I got one more, so I can only have one drink.

• 35:22Mark Normand?

  All right, all right.

• 35:23Sam Morril?

  It's stiff. It's a stiff one. But, uh, yeah, man.

• 35:26Mark Normand?

  You get paid on the audiobook too, so you gotta do it.

• 35:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's not, it's, you don't, yeah, you get paid, but it's not like 64 hours worth of fucking

• 35:34Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 35:35Speaker 04

  The most.

• 35:35Sam Morril?

  But it's cool that you're doing it.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:36Sam Morril?

  A lot of people listen. I listen to a lot of books on tape.

• 35:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:39Sam Morril?

  And if, you know, if the comedian, I listened to Segura's book on tape, and it was way funnier because he read it.

• 35:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 35:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, interesting.

• 35:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, that was the thing, because I have joke, I mean, there's like, in the book, there are jokes, and then there's also like, you know, kind of dark shit. But I was like, someone's gonna fuck these jokes. Some actor?

• 35:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:56Speaker 04

  He's gonna fuck these jokes.

• 35:57Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 35:58Speaker 04

  It's gonna drive me crazy. Could you imagine an actor doing your jokes?

• 36:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, god. I, I read Sam Talent's book, because he wanted every comic to read a chapter.

• 36:04Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 36:05Mark Normand?

  I read it so poorly, he didn't use it.

• 36:07Speaker 04

  Wait, you had, so you know what it's like to do an audiobook?

• 36:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:10Speaker 04

  It's fucking brutal, eh?

• 36:11Mark Normand?

  It's brutal. Yeah, and I, I didn't want to read his book.

• 36:14Speaker 04

  No.

• 36:14Mark Normand?

  No, I'm just kidding. But, uh,

• 36:15Sam Morril?

  His book is amazing.

• 36:16Mark Normand?

  It's a great book.

• 36:17Sam Morril?

  Oh, it's unreal, yeah.

• 36:18Speaker 04

  What, what's it about?

• 36:19Mark Normand?

  It's about a road comic, like a fictional guy.

• 36:21Sam Morril?

  Like a washed up road comic?

• 36:23Speaker 04

  Like, it's like a novel?

• 36:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 36:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 36:25Mark Normand?

  It's incredible.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  It's incredible.

• 36:26Mark Normand?

  Called Running to Life. Check it out.

• 36:28Speaker 04

  What's it called?

• 36:29Mark Normand?

  Running the Light.

• 36:29Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 36:30Sam Morril?

  He's working on a new book now, too, he said.

• 36:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, is he?

• 36:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 36:33Mark Normand?

  I bet it becomes a movie. It's so captivating, because it's so detailed, like doing the line of coke, fucking the hooker, bombing the corporate, getting back on the plane. It's great.

• 36:41Sam Morril?

  But it's hard to watch. He's right. Like, it's hard to hear an actor read your jokes. It's hard to watch actors play stand-up. It's getting kind of played out.

• 36:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. It happens a lot. It's happening right now, actually, at The Cellar.

• 36:52Speaker 04

  Has any, anyone ever captured stand-up on TV or in a movie?

• 36:57Sam Morril?

  Funny People Sandler.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  Oh, right.

• 37:00Sam Morril?

  But he's a comic.

• 37:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:02Sam Morril?

  And Judd wrote it.

• 37:03Mark Normand?

  Right. And Aziz is in it. Seth Rogen did comedy for a while.

• 37:07Sam Morril?

  Seth Rogen was a stand-up at thirteen.

• 37:09Speaker 04

  Dude, in Vancouver.

• 37:10Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 37:11Speaker 04

  When I started comedy, everyone had stories about Seth Rogen's parents would bring him to, at the time, there was a, it was like, it was like a book show, but it was Tuesday nights in Vancouver at a bar. But it was killer. And Brent Butt, who I think was one of the guys.

• 37:26Sam Morril?

  He's funny.

• 37:27Speaker 04

  He would host it. Anyways, his parents would bring, like Seth when he was a kid.

• 37:32Mark Normand?

  Man.

• 37:32Sam Morril?

  It must have been good to get spots on a show like that.

• 37:34Mark Normand?

  He has a clip on YouTube. It's pretty funny. It's pretty funny.

• 37:37Speaker 04

  I never, it was before, uh, it was before I started. Yeah, that might actually be at the venue I'm talking about.

• 37:46Mark Normand?

  There you go. Thirteen. To me, this is the opposite of comedy. My parents weren't around to drive me to a show. Like, they were doing their own thing.

• 37:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:55Mark Normand?

  So, like, the fact that he had loving parents is crazy.

• 37:58Speaker 04

  I was on acid.

• 37:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 38:00Sam Morril?

  But he was just funny, I think. I think he was just a funny kid. And then he got cast in Freaks and Geeks at, like, seventeen or eighteen, and it was just, he was just set. It's crazy.

• 38:08Mark Normand?

  Look at that.

• 38:09Speaker 04

  It's weird to think, like, I just, it wouldn't have crossed my mind. I was a smartass. I was making people laugh, but I would never think to do, yeah, it's wild.

• 38:18Mark Normand?

  Wild. I would never think to go in this adult venue where they were adults are drinking.

• 38:23Sam Morril?

  That was the reason I went, when I was young.

• 38:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 38:26Sam Morril?

  Alcohol, yeah.

• 38:49Sam Morril?

  He's just like, he was like an old Jew since he was a kid.

• 38:52Mark Normand?

  Armadillo?

• 38:53Speaker 04

  Another thing that Rock said, and sorry, I meant to say this about having a kid, he also said like, you have to get married, because if you're not married, people are like, well, why is this guy not married?

• 39:03Mark Normand?

  I don't know, I don't like, Seinfeld has all these absolutes.

• 39:07Sam Morril?

  All the legends do the absolutes. Like you have to do, Louis does it too, they're like, you have to do this.

• 39:12Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 39:13Sam Morril?

  I don't know, and also Rock's divorced, I mean, you can get married and divorced.

• 39:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:16Mark Normand?

  Right, yeah, Louis told me, don't do clips, clips are bad, don't ever tweet, and now he does both. So I'm like, what are we doing here?

• 39:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, but he hates them, he hates all of that stuff.

• 39:25Mark Normand?

  We all hate it.

• 39:26Speaker 04

  I feel like all, because that's what I say, if it's like a comic's starting out, I'm like, listen to advice, but people are gonna tell you what they do. And everything is such an individual thing, coming up with material is such an individual thing. Everything is such an individual thing, but comics will tell you, absolutely, this is what you gotta do.

• 39:45Mark Normand?

  Comics will tell you, this is what you gotta do, and then they'll tell you, don't listen to advice. Comics are all over the place.

• 39:49Sam Morril?

  But it's also the advice they give you is also what worked for them.

• 39:51Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 39:52Sam Morril?

  Like Louis would say, you don't, you don't want this shit in a career, you want this. I'm like, well, that's what you did.

• 39:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:59Sam Morril?

  But there are people who blew up, like, like Adam Sandler blew up young.

• 40:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:03Sam Morril?

  You blew up this, there's, there's many ways to, to have a big career. I mean, if anything, it's kinda nice to have this, because you have it longer.

• 40:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's the Elon.

• 40:12Sam Morril?

  It's just, I did this, I didn't.

• 40:15Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 40:16Sam Morril?

  But, uh, it's gonna get fucking gif now, god damn it.

• 40:19Mark Normand?

  As long as you don't do that one.

• 40:21Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, I mean, I think it's more like, are you equipped to handle it when you're young? Because we've seen people flame out, we've seen people like pop, and then you're just like, oh shit, you, you were not mature enough. And that's not an age thing always, that's like, are you ready for that?

• 40:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's similar to a cancel, people are like, he got canceled, but he's doing great, I'm like, but he's also good.

• 40:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 40:44Mark Normand?

  If you're, if you get canceled, you're good, you're fine. Because you just show them, hey, I can do this, I can do that, but if you suck, you're like, eh, you're kinda fucked.

• 40:51Speaker 04

  Also, if you blow up, I mean, there's such pros and cons of everything, but if you blow up immediately, then you miss. I mean, some of the best parts of being a comic are like the weird fucking situations.

• 41:01Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  Also, what about when we were just all at the cellar every night?

• 41:05Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 41:07Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 41:07Mark Normand?

  That's some of the best times.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 41:09Mark Normand?

  The come up.

• 41:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:11Mark Normand?

  You got nothing to lose.

• 41:12Sam Morril?

  Having like a Glenfiddich, that's your drink?

• 41:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, man.

• 41:15Sam Morril?

  Glenfiddich or like, you know, just those long nights fucking with Liz, the manager there.

• 41:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  Just hanging out, everyone, like walking in there knowing everyone you want to see that night are gonna be there. And then doing your sets and then hanging out and being like, fuck, a tale goes on in 45 minutes.

• 41:31Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 41:32Speaker 04

  I'm gonna have another drink. Stand by that cash register door in the bar and watch a tale.

• 41:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  There's nothing better than that.

• 41:40Mark Normand?

  And you had no responsibilities. You get home at four and you're like, who cares?

• 41:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I still have no responsibilities, but yeah.

• 41:46Sam Morril?

  But you're worried about, well, you wrote a book, I mean.

• 41:48Speaker 04

  Yeah. You're in it, Sammy.

• 41:50Sam Morril?

  I'm in it?

• 41:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, the Colette when we first met, cause I talk about, you know, my whole life, but I talk about when I first moved to Vancouver. I can't say his name, but the person that owned the bar where we met, the, the, he was your roommate?

• 42:03Sam Morril?

  Oh, shit, yeah.

• 42:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's in it. Damn.

• 42:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, now I wanna hear this.

• 42:07Speaker 04

  You know who it is?

• 42:09Mark Normand?

  Dan?

• 42:10Speaker 04

  No, I used to live with this guy.

• 42:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

• 42:14Speaker 04

  Jello shots, let's call them Jello shots.

• 42:15Mark Normand?

  There you go. That guy was wild.

• 42:17Sam Morril?

  Jello shots.

• 42:18Speaker 04

  It was weird, cause I was so paranoid, I used people's real names if they're in the public eye. I figured if I could say this on a podcast and use the real name, then I could do it.

• 42:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:28Speaker 04

  But then people from home, I like changed certain people's names. Some people I reached out and I was like, hey, can I use your name in the book? And they were like, yeah. But some people, I was like, oh, fuck, I don't know, man.

• 42:36Sam Morril?

  Do you ever, you know, in Bukowski's book Hollywood, he just would use famous people's names and like, you can't use their name. And he'd be like, alright, Arden or Say Say. He would just write names like that and you're like, oh, that's fucking genius.

• 42:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, why not?

• 42:49Speaker 04

  I had to go through the whole thing with a lawyer and change people's names.

• 42:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, damn.

• 42:54Sam Morril?

  Who, like, like, just people who grew up with and stuff?

• 42:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, not, like, there's a couple people that, like, if it was like, I tried to be real, I was like really careful. I didn't want anyone to look bad or whatever, but yeah, just like certain people, like teachers' names and stuff like that. The teachers were shitty to me.

• 43:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, gotcha.

• 43:12Speaker 04

  Just stuff like that, I just changed their names.

• 43:14Sam Morril?

  If they're dead, can you use their real name or no?

• 43:16Speaker 04

  I, I mean, I would like to think they are, but, um, yeah, no. They were mean, they were mean to kids.

• 43:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, gross.

• 43:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, called me dumb and lazy.

• 43:26Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 43:27Speaker 04

  Oh shit, yeah.

• 43:28Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 43:28Sam Morril?

  That's how teachers used to be, I feel like.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, now they're not like that.

• 43:32Mark Normand?

  I was in French immersion, so I didn't know when they were calling me that.

• 43:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:35Mark Normand?

  They were mean.

• 43:36Speaker 04

  Well, you know they were calling you that.

• 43:38Mark Normand?

  Wait, what?

• 43:40Speaker 04

  No, wow, really? Can you speak French?

• 43:42Mark Normand?

  I used to, it's gone away, but I was pretty good. I was, I think if I gave it like an hour and really like hung out with a French guy, I'd get it back.

• 43:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:49Sam Morril?

  Mate, what if you went to France and you spent like two weeks here, you think you'd do it?

• 43:52Mark Normand?

  Easy.

• 43:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 43:53Mark Normand?

  Week one, I'd have it.

• 43:54Speaker 04

  Dude, you should just do that.

• 43:55Mark Normand?

  I know, but I got a kid.

• 43:58Sam Morril?

  Yo, you could take a kid on vacation.

• 44:00Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 44:00Sam Morril?

  That's not a good kid vacation, really.

• 44:02Mark Normand?

  Can't do the flight, yeah, there's no Disneyland in Paris.

• 44:04Speaker 04

  List says he flies with his kid all the time.

• 44:07Mark Normand?

  He's flown with his kid, I think, 28 times, he told me.

• 44:09Speaker 04

  Holy shit.

• 44:10Mark Normand?

  Which is insane.

• 44:10Sam Morril?

  The kid is actually Diamond Medallion.

• 44:12Speaker 04

  Bro, that's amazing. I bumped in, I was flying to Milwaukee.

• 44:17Mark Normand?

  There is. Never mind.

• 44:19Speaker 04

  And I got on the plane, I was like, fuck, that dude looks like List. He was like, like already asleep before it took off.

• 44:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:27Speaker 04

  But he's back on the bottle. No, he was already asleep and.

• 44:31Mark Normand?

  You're like, damn, that guy's ugly.

• 44:32Speaker 04

  I go, that guy looks so much like List. And then we get off the plane and it was Joe List.

• 44:37Mark Normand?

  He told me, he's like, I saw Phil Haley on the plane to Wisconsin.

• 44:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:41Mark Normand?

  So there you go.

• 44:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:42Mark Normand?

  He thinks you're Batman. He's like, I don't know what Phil Haley's up to, I don't know where he is, who he is, yeah.

• 44:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but List does it, but he's hard to fucking find, too.

• 44:50Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 44:51Sam Morril?

  He is, he is a kid.

• 44:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's at home right now, I guarantee it.

• 44:55Sam Morril?

  I love how hard at work you are. We're talking about List, you bring up a picture of List.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:58Sam Morril?

  You're fucking working, man, I appreciate it.

• 45:00Mark Normand?

  I shot this pic, so.

• 45:01Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay.

• 45:02Speaker 04

  Great pic.

• 45:03Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 45:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:03Mark Normand?

  I think that's the first hour at the Cellar he did. I think so. Which now is like 10 million views.

• 45:08Speaker 04

  But, god, that's a great hour.

• 45:10Mark Normand?

  Killer.

• 45:10Sam Morril?

  He's prolific as fuck.

• 45:11Mark Normand?

  He keeps pumping it out, I mean, he's got another one.

• 45:14Sam Morril?

  And they're all great.

• 45:14Mark Normand?

  They're all great, he's got one in the can right now, I think it's coming out, I don't know, soon.

• 45:18Speaker 04

  Really?

• 45:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:19Speaker 04

  I don't know how, he just, yeah, he just pumps it out.

• 45:22Mark Normand?

  He is really found, I remember seeing like a Rory Scoville or a Nate Bargatze where you're like, oh, they know exactly who they are, they're, they're like on the way to being great.

• 45:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:32Mark Normand?

  You gotta just know your voice, like Nate would have a thing happen to him and he would just go on stage and talk about it and it would do okay, and they would do it again and it would kill.

• 45:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:40Mark Normand?

  He just knows where to go.

• 45:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 45:42Mark Normand?

  I'm still all over the place.

• 45:43Sam Morril?

  Rory's like that, too.

• 45:45Mark Normand?

  Ah, Rory's unreal. A famous story, not a famous story, but I opened for him once. He was doing four hours at the Relapse Theater in Atlanta. All no material, just riffing for four, four different hours.

• 45:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:58Mark Normand?

  I opened for him. I would do material and I was like, hey, I did, I had a good set. I'm the man. Here we go. And then he would go up with no material for an hour and crush. And blow me out of the water. And I'm like, damn, but I worked so hard on that. And this guy's just killing with nothing.

• 46:10Speaker 04

  He just did 10 nights in Brooklyn.

• 46:13Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 46:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, he did 10 nights at, uh, what's that place with this like shuffleboard upstairs? Union Hall?

• 46:18Mark Normand?

  Union Hall.

• 46:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:19Mark Normand?

  10 nights?

• 46:20Speaker 04

  I saw him on a flight and he was talking about it. Yeah, he did 10 nights, 10 new hours and he had like music in the background.

• 46:26Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 46:28Sam Morril?

  Are any of them good enough to, like, how do you film something like that? Do you break it up like something night one? I feel like editing that together has got to be a nightmare.

• 46:34Speaker 04

  I think Katz broke it up. I think Katz.

• 46:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, he filmed it?

• 46:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, I believe so. Yeah, yeah.

• 46:40Mark Normand?

  I'm bummed. I didn't know he was here. I'd love to have him on.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  I know.

• 46:44Mark Normand?

  He's a really special talent, that guy.

• 46:46Sam Morril?

  He really is hilarious.

• 46:48Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 46:49Sam Morril?

  I fucking hate that airport. That's the thing about like you got, wherever, wherever you live, you gotta have a good airport if you're gonna do this.

• 46:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:55Mark Normand?

  Any airport with a tram in the middle, I want to kill myself. You know, like you land, they're like, oh, you gotta get on the air train to go to baggage claim. You're like, what, what?

• 47:03Speaker 04

  And you feel like such an amateur. I was, that's Minneapolis this weekend. I was like, what do you, what fuck? How do you get, you know, you're asking people like where the baggage claim is?

• 47:09Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. It's the worst. Airports, gotta get it together. LaGuardia voted number one.

• 47:15Speaker 04

  Really?

• 47:17Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 47:17Speaker 04

  A lot of other people. I love LaGuardia.

• 47:18Mark Normand?

  I do too.

• 47:19Speaker 04

  The new LaGuardia?

• 47:20Sam Morril?

  It sucked like 10 years ago. Now it's amazing.

• 47:22Mark Normand?

  Now we're doing Phil's airport material.

• 47:26Sam Morril?

  So, I mean, how long did this book take you, dude?

• 47:29Speaker 04

  Took about, uh, like from the beginning when like eight years.

• 47:33Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 47:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, cuz I started and I had no, I didn't even fucking take English in school.

• 47:38Mark Normand?

  What?

• 47:39Speaker 04

  I finished high school having never read a book.

• 47:41Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 47:42Speaker 04

  I had a special ed teacher read me a book about some kid who got lost in the wilderness, which I think she was like pushing me in that direction. But, um.

• 47:49Sam Morril?

  Were you running a lot by? Was there anyone you'd run stuff by or?

• 47:52Speaker 04

  No, I started. I made a list of everybody. It was when I was like living in New Jersey. That's how long ago it was.

• 47:58Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 47:58Speaker 04

  And I made a list of everyone I had ever met in my whole life. And then I made a list of everywhere I'd ever been in my whole life.

• 48:04Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 48:04Speaker 04

  And then I started just trying to write and it was so bad. And then I slowly. Got better.

• 48:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:12Speaker 04

  Cause I was trying to like at first, my first draft that I handed in, my agent was like, I can tell when you're going for a joke, cause that's all I've ever written.

• 48:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:20Speaker 04

  So I would like set up a paragraph where like, oh, this is gonna be a doozy at the end. And he's like, just tell the story. And so it's like funny, but it was so freeing to not have to worry about punchlines.

• 48:30Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 48:31Speaker 04

  Or twists or anything like that. Yeah.

• 48:32Mark Normand?

  Like Sam.

• 48:34Speaker 04

  I was waiting for it.

• 48:35Mark Normand?

  It's coming.

• 48:36Speaker 04

  I was gonna make a one man show joke, but that was, yeah.

• 48:38Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, that works too.

• 48:40Speaker 04

  But, uh, yeah, man. So it just kept going and then I guess I sold it like maybe four years ago and then I finished it. So it took four years and then I finished it like a year and a half ago and then I thought I was done and I'd hand it in and then it would just be like, slight changes, but it just took so long.

• 48:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:56Speaker 04

  And then the audiobook and then it comes out in two days from when this aired.

• 49:00Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 49:01Speaker 04

  Yes. Did you, were there any writers whose brains you picked for advice? No, like the only, I mean, I was inspired that Quinn had done it before.

• 49:11Mark Normand?

  He's got a book.

• 49:12Speaker 04

  He's got a bunch. He's got a couple. Yeah, a coloring book and then he wrote another one too. But, uh, I was inspired, um, Matt took that picture. It's a good pick. Uh, and then, um, you know, and the only people that I can really read is like, I can read Bukowski cause it's so straightforward.

• 49:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:31Speaker 04

  Uh, but I can't read like flowery. So the book's written very like, you know. Like Hemingway sentences, tight. That's, yeah, that's the comparison I keep getting.

• 49:40Mark Normand?

  Hopefully it ends the same. But I, I think this is gonna really hit home. People who are dyslexic are gonna, they're gonna send you all kinds of fucked up letters.

• 49:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, a lot of dyslexic people that come to my shows are dyslexic people, parents of dyslexic people and deadheads.

• 49:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 49:56Speaker 04

  Self-induced dyslexia.

• 49:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:59Speaker 04

  Do you think the drugs?

• 50:00Sam Morril?

  Did anything to you or no?

• 50:01Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 50:03Mark Normand?

  A lot of acid in his history for the folks at home.

• 50:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, I took a lot of LSD, but the reason, and I always thought it was just because I was like, whatever, I felt like dirty as a teenager before taking so much drugs. But um, then I had a therapist be like, well you, it was so miserable, like can you imagine going through school and not, you, you just don't, you don't know what they're fucking reading, so you just, I would just like fake read.

• 50:24Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 50:25Speaker 04

  And then they'd ask questions, you'd be like, I have no, it's like, you know when you're,

• 50:29Sam Morril?

  This is probably why you became a smart ass.

• 50:31Speaker 04

  Yes, 100%, 100%.

• 50:33Sam Morril?

  Because you needed some control, so the sarcasm was your control, right?

• 50:36Speaker 04

  Absolutely, recess, I would be fucking, you know, introduced by Johnny, and I would fucking go out and be bopping and scatting at recess, or also just to like, prove that I was smart, because you're told you're dumb, you felt, you feel dumb.

• 50:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:51Speaker 04

  If you can't read and can't write, you feel stupid.

• 50:54Sam Morril?

  What about, what about the relation to you, because you have two older siblings, right?

• 50:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:57Sam Morril?

  So were they, they were good students, right?

• 51:00Speaker 04

  Great students, yeah.

• 51:00Sam Morril?

  So that, I mean, that's gotta be, I relate to this very much.

• 51:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:03Sam Morril?

  I mean, what, what did that feel like when they're pulling back good grades and you're just like,

• 51:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, because it,

• 51:07Sam Morril?

  What do I do?

• 51:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, it, you just feel like, because at first, they didn't know what was wrong, so they would just say, I was lazy and I was dumb, and my mom would just show up and fucking, fight for me to get put to the next grade, because she thought it would be devastating if I didn't go to school.

• 51:23Sam Morril?

  You have that great joke about, uh, how your mom was doing your homework,

• 51:28Speaker 04

  Oh, right.

• 51:28Sam Morril?

  And then the teacher was saying how, how bad all the homework was, I'm putting you in, and you're like, you're like, damn it, Phil is working two jobs.

• 51:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, and taking care of three kids.

• 51:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's a great joke.

• 51:40Mark Normand?

  Also, you're, you're big into the crowd work, I feel like.

• 51:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:43Mark Normand?

  And that almost feels like, you're smart ass, now you're putting it to work and making money on it.

• 51:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think, yeah, that's, uh, It's a weird thing, because when people started, because I always did crowd work from soon as I started comedy.

• 51:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:56Speaker 04

  And I never thought anything of it, just because you get it in your head. If you're dyslexic and you're bad at everything, you get it in your head that the things that you are good at, you devalue them because you're like, oh, this must just be easy if I can do it.

• 52:08Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:08Speaker 04

  So you, so it took me a long time to start posting clips and accepting like, oh no, this is a skill.

• 52:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, 100%.

• 52:15Speaker 04

  Besides if you watch certain people's clips.

• 52:17Mark Normand?

  Well, it also became popular too, and you were happy to be good at it.

• 52:20Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, it became popular and I'd been doing it for 19 years.

• 52:23Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 52:24Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 52:25Mark Normand?

  Where it was kind of a, I don't want to say an afterthought, like crowd work was always around, but it wasn't what it is now. Now, crowd work is like make a career off it.

• 52:31Speaker 04

  There were people who I think were always thought of as, as being good at, and Phil was one of those people. I think it would, you know, you're in New York, you're like Phil, Todd Barry.

• 52:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Big Jay.

• 52:39Speaker 04

  Jay does it well, yeah.

• 52:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true. But yeah, you're, you're selling tickets, like hotcakes.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Now, yeah, after all, yeah, which feels so crazy.

• 52:50Mark Normand?

  That's what it's all about, baby, butts and seats.

• 52:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. It feels so weird because now, to do, when I started comedy, the only people that did theaters were people that, like, the only way you could do it would be on a sitcom.

• 53:02Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 53:03Speaker 04

  So weird, right?

• 53:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, it's, we're, we're in a boom. Quinn keeps joking like, it's about to end.

• 53:10Mark Normand?

  I've been hearing that for five years.

• 53:11Sam Morril?

  Colin Quinn keeps saying the boom's about to end, and he keeps saying like, uh, you know, he made a great point last night about how, uh, you know, comedy, he's like, I felt this, like the crowds are getting dumber.

• 53:22Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 53:23Sam Morril?

  He's like, the, the, the end is coming. He's like, what killed comedy back in the day was like, like, we'll just do karaoke night. He's like, now, like, it's like everyone's doing karaoke on TikTok.

• 53:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:33Sam Morril?

  And you're like, fuck, he'd make all these comparisons to like these huger versions of what happened. He's like, this is five times, because the boom, this boom is like,

• 53:40Mark Normand?

  Huge.

• 53:41Sam Morril?

  20 times the, the boom of the.

• 53:42Mark Normand?

  We know people, 10 guys at arenas, like friends of ours.

• 53:44Speaker 04

  That's so insane.

• 53:46Mark Normand?

  It's insane.

• 53:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 53:47Mark Normand?

  Two guys at arenas in the history of comedy, or three guys, and now it's like, four people we know.

• 53:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 53:52Mark Normand?

  Nate does an arena at 4:00 PM. I started, we started with him at The World.

• 53:56Sam Morril?

  He's adding shows like it's an improv.

• 53:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:58Sam Morril?

  In an arena.

• 53:59Speaker 04

  I talk about The World a ton in the book.

• 54:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, hell yeah.

• 54:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:03Sam Morril?

  If you, for those who don't know, there was a, there was a place called, uh, The World. It was like a satellite room to Broadway Comedy Club. Already not a good club.

• 54:10Speaker 04

  No.

• 54:10Sam Morril?

  This is the bad room at that club.

• 54:13Speaker 04

  It's in the ad, it's like a, it's like a storage space.

• 54:15Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 54:15Speaker 04

  They had fucking tables on the...

• 54:18Mark Normand?

  Stage?

• 54:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, on the stage. And I, I talked-

• 54:21Sam Morril?

  Run by a guy in a fedora.

• 54:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:23Sam Morril?

  Well, I'm guessing his name you didn't use.

• 54:25Speaker 04

  Summer, yeah. In the winter, fur coat.

• 54:27Mark Normand?

  Yes, that's right.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  And then, there, you would, I was on stage at The World and had someone tell me that their bill was wrong, like mid-set. Like, that was, that was where it was at. That was where it was at. They was like, "This is wrong." And I'm like, "Yeah, it's so wrong."

• 54:40Sam Morril?

  My career was so in the toilet, I'd be like, "Let me fix that for you."

• 54:44Mark Normand?

  I just paid the bill. I remember getting you in there.

• 54:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:47Mark Normand?

  And you crushed, like, the first night, cause you were, you had to be, it was like a, it was a papered room, obviously. It was all barked in, just randos.

• 54:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:54Mark Normand?

  And so you had to shuck and jive. And I was up there like, "What's the deal with peanuts? They're weird, you know? It's not a pea, it's a nut, whatever." And I'm bombing.

• 55:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:03Mark Normand?

  And you went up there, you were like, "Look at this fucking guy, holy shit." And I was like, "Who's this dude?"

• 55:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, uh, yeah, cause I'd done so many shitty gigs.

• 55:10Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 55:11Speaker 04

  In Vancouver, I used to do shitty gigs.

• 55:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he was, Phil had a very professional, uh-

• 55:14Mark Normand?

  You did have professional vibe.

• 55:16Sam Morril?

  We didn't have, cause I think Mark and I were so used to just doing, kinda just like, these shit rooms in New York. And Phil kinda came with a more professional approach. I remember we were at a, at a bar show, and there were like five people in the room. And Phil just went up there and really handled it like it was, like it was a big show. And I was like, "Oh shit, this is kinda cool." Everyone else was like, "Oh, four, five people showed up." But he really like played to them, and I was like, "Oh, that's what you're supposed to do as an entertainer. You're supposed to..." I mean, it's obvious, but, but it wasn't obvious to us.

• 55:44Mark Normand?

  No.

• 55:44Speaker 04

  For me, it was a big fucking deal, cause I like, ended a relationship of five years and didn't get to see my nephew, and like, to move here.

• 55:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:53Speaker 04

  So, every show in New York, to me, just felt like a fucking huge deal.

• 55:56Mark Normand?

  Interesting. I didn't know about all that.

• 55:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:58Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's kinda how I feel with the kid. Like, every set, I'm working.

• 56:02Speaker 04

  Oh, that's great.

• 56:02Mark Normand?

  Cause you get out the house. You're like, just getting out of the house is hard.

• 56:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:05Mark Normand?

  And so you're like, "I gotta make sure this line works, I gotta take that line out, tweak that." Like, you go in there with a mission.

• 56:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:11Mark Normand?

  Cause you can't, stage time is precious now. Before, I was like, "I'll fuck around." You just wanna kill.

• 56:15Speaker 04

  I can't ima-

• 56:16Sam Morril?

  We were laughing, cause- We're on the road and Mark's like, "God, I can't get out of the house with this baby." And we look on YouTube, I'm like, "Did Mark just do Brendan Sagalow's podcast in Queens?" My wife, "Your wife's at home dealing with the baby, like, I gotta go to a store to bang out this pod real quick."

• 56:35Mark Normand?

  I lied, I was like, "I'm doing The Tonight Show, I gotta go." Yeah, I kept putting it off for years, so I was like, "Fuck it, I'll do it." My parents were in town, that's what got me out of the house.

• 56:45Sam Morril?

  I knew it was something.

• 56:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they would drive me nuts.

• 56:48Sam Morril?

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• 57:02Mark Normand?

  Love it, love the food, it tastes great, it's easy to make, I love the smoothies they come with.

• 57:07Sam Morril?

  Really good.

• 57:08Mark Normand?

  They got these juices, woo, baby. And you know me, I'll eat Panda Express if you have it around, so this is good, I need the nutrients.

• 57:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's good stuff, it's nice, it's like that healthy heat and eat type stuff is hard to come by, so.

• 57:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:21Sam Morril?

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• 57:57Mark Normand?

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• 58:30Sam Morril?

  Me too. I've been taking it. Yeah, knocks me out. I like it.

• 58:33Mark Normand?

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• 58:45Sam Morril?

  I like the CBN ones. I like the ones that just make you sleepy.

• 58:48Mark Normand?

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• 59:22Sam Morril?

  I can't imagine how that would affect time management.

• 59:25Mark Normand?

  Oh dude, that's the hardest part about a kid. It's not the keeping it alive, it's not the shitty diapers and the screaming, it's like the scheduling. I got a pot at this time, she's like, "Well, I have yoga." And I'm like, "Ah, so you gotta hire somebody or get somebody over." It's brutal.

• 59:38Sam Morril?

  I've done everything I've wanted to do all day, every day. It's hard.

• 59:43Mark Normand?

  Cherish it, cherish that, because that goes away quick.

• 59:45Sam Morril?

  But do you ever think about having a kid or not?

• 59:47Speaker 04

  I want him so bad. Yeah.

• 59:49Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 59:50Speaker 04

  Yes. I love kids. Yes. I was like, "Yeah, totally."

• 59:55Mark Normand?

  Wow. I didn't know that. So you're going to do it the old-fashioned way? Or you're thinking about adopting? What do you like?

• 1:00:01Sam Morril?

  Oh, I think, I mean ideally, I would do the old-fashioned way.

• 1:00:05Mark Normand?

  You never know. If you're like adopting, you get like a 17-year-old. You're one year in, you're cruising.

• 1:00:11Sam Morril?

  I think about it. You ever see the movie Thief? You ever see Thief with James Caan?

• 1:00:16Mark Normand?

  I have seen Thief, yes.

• 1:00:17Sam Morril?

  You know, there's that scene where, you know, he's like an ex-con, and he's trying to, he's trying to adopt a kid, and they're like, "Where were you from these years to you?" She's like, "I was in prison." And they're like, "Yeah, you can't adopt a kid." And he's like, "I'll take a black or a Mexican one. I don't give a shit." Exactly like he's doing them a favor.

• 1:00:31Mark Normand?

  I forgot about that, yeah.

• 1:00:33Sam Morril?

  It's one of the most fucked up hilarious scenes.

• 1:00:35Mark Normand?

  He died, right?

• 1:00:36Sam Morril?

  He died, dude. That movie fucking rules, though.

• 1:00:39Mark Normand?

  He's an ex-con. Ooh.

• 1:00:40Speaker 03

  Phil likes...

• 1:00:42Mark Normand?

  Kids so much, his home screen is his nephew.

• 1:00:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:46Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:00:47Sam Morril?

  You're super close to your nephew.

• 1:00:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm super, yeah, I have a, yeah, when he was a baby.

• 1:00:51Sam Morril?

  Kevin Spacey's home screen is also your nephew.

• 1:00:53Mark Normand?

  I was gonna say, you gotta explain that one quick. Is that your kid? No? It's my nephew.

• 1:01:00Speaker 04

  Uh, I, I think since he was born, I don't know if I've ever not had him as my home screen. He's 18 now. But yeah, but the picture of him when he's just a baby.

• 1:01:08Sam Morril?

  But you're tight. You're tight, really tight with your sister too, right?

• 1:01:11Speaker 04

  Too tight with my sister, tight with my, super tight with my nephew. I'm going home and performing in Vancouver this weekend.

• 1:01:17Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 1:01:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:19Mark Normand?

  What club?

• 1:01:20Speaker 04

  Uh, the Queen Elizabeth.

• 1:01:22Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:01:23Sam Morril?

  The good one, right?

• 1:01:24Speaker 04

  No, no, that was in, where did you play, Sammy?

• 1:01:26Mark Normand?

  Vogue?

• 1:01:26Speaker 04

  Vogue.

• 1:01:27Sam Morril?

  That's a good one.

• 1:01:27Mark Normand?

  That's a great room.

• 1:01:28Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 1:01:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, oh yeah, you're gonna love it.

• 1:01:30Sam Morril?

  Oh, it's amazing. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:31Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:01:32Mark Normand?

  Great crowds in Canada.

• 1:01:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:33Sam Morril?

  Vancouver's awesome.

• 1:01:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love it. Remember The Mix? Too bad The Mix is gone. That was the room.

• 1:01:38Speaker 04

  And the, the thing that sucks is it's still there, it's just not a club.

• 1:01:42Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:01:43Speaker 04

  It was sold out from Tuesdays like the whole week.

• 1:01:46Mark Normand?

  Ah, I know, that was, I stayed in that hotel recently randomly. I did The Great Outdoors, whatever, with Santino and Soder. And I was like, why?

• 1:01:53Sam Morril?

  That's a fun show.

• 1:01:54Mark Normand?

  It was a great time. But I was like, why is this hotel familiar? What's going on? And then I realized, The Mix is right under the fucking lobby.

• 1:01:59Sam Morril?

  Us three in Joe List were in the sauna at that hotel.

• 1:02:02Mark Normand?

  Holy shit.

• 1:02:03Speaker 04

  No, that wasn't at the Sutton Place. When we all did the Vancouver comedy, that was one block down. That was the Sutton Place.

• 1:02:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay, okay. Damn, what a great city.

• 1:02:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I'm pumped to go back. I love, uh, I, I really like that, like, I love Seattle too, man, for comedy. I love, I love. I know the downtown scene, Better Days, but that Pike Market's so fucking cool.

• 1:02:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, killer.

• 1:02:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I love the Pacific Northwest. I mean, Portland, Oregon gets a bad rap, but like, I usually have fun there too.

• 1:02:29Mark Normand?

  Crowds are great.

• 1:02:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:30Speaker 04

  Crowds are great in Portland.

• 1:02:30Mark Normand?

  That whole strip, that Pacific Northwest is.

• 1:02:32Sam Morril?

  It's a good strip for shows, man. I mean, it's.

• 1:02:34Mark Normand?

  And heroin.

• 1:02:35Sam Morril?

  Great for heroin. They got good shit. Yeah.

• 1:02:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, Hastings is nasty.

• 1:02:40Mark Normand?

  Whewee, yikes.

• 1:02:42Speaker 04

  I always, wherever I am, I always text Vida for Rex.

• 1:02:45Sam Morril?

  For food rec?

• 1:02:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:46Sam Morril?

  It's insane. He's actually, it's annoying because he's so arrogant about it, but every fucking meal is a homerun.

• 1:02:52Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, to me, to have that.

• 1:02:55Sam Morril?

  He thinks it's a real skill, though, to fucking just take my credit card and just be like, I found a spot.

• 1:02:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:00Sam Morril?

  And everyone, by the way, I'm paying for these, like insanely expensive meals. And, and everyone's like, Gary, thank you so much. Thank you, Gary.

• 1:03:08Speaker 04

  That's hilarious.

• 1:03:10Speaker 04

  That's hilarious.

• 1:03:11Mark Normand?

  I took him to Chicago to open for me, and he had a dud.

• 1:03:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:14Mark Normand?

  He didn't live in, I thought I was gonna hang himself. I thought I was gonna come into his closet with a belt.

• 1:03:18Sam Morril?

  I got food recs too. Chicago's easy. Come on.

• 1:03:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:21Speaker 04

  But Gary, so, I mean, one of the most fun-loving, easy to laugh. When he's on a mission finding, after we did the Beacon, when I was on your Beacon show.

• 1:03:30Sam Morril?

  That was fun.

• 1:03:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was fun. But afterwards, Gary was trying to find a place to go, and it was like, it was like a fucking doctor trying to save a life, man. He was like, beep, beep. He's like, on his phone, you can't joke around with him. He takes it seriously.

• 1:03:42Sam Morril?

  He takes, he takes the vibe of the road very seriously. And that's who you want to be on the road with, is someone who like, he's like, every moment has to count. Like, he gets me up early in the morning, we go to like, by the way, here's a rec. Go to the rec center. Seriously, like, you go on, you go on the road, the South, every YMCA is like fucking beautiful now.

• 1:04:00Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:04:00Speaker 04

  It's incre- dude, I mean, rec centers, they usually have a steam room, a sauna, they have like a basketball court, a pool, it's like.

• 1:04:07Mark Normand?

  That's good rec.

• 1:04:08Sam Morril?

  You can get, you can get a seven day pass for free usually, or it's like a day rate. But it's like, man, you're on the road, it's, and if you live there, it's like 150 for the whole year. You're, you're, so I highly recommend that, man.

• 1:04:18Speaker 04

  Wait, you get up when you're on the road?

• 1:04:20Sam Morril?

  We, Veder, Veder fucking pushes us, and it's like.

• 1:04:24Mark Normand?

  He's sober.

• 1:04:25Sam Morril?

  Veder's sober. I still drink at night, so I'm like the superhero here, but like.

• 1:04:29Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:04:30Sam Morril?

  But like, there, yeah, we, we try to like, I'll play ball with my tour manager, Brian, we play basketball, Veder's doing weights, we fucking, yeah, we, yeah, there we go, there's Gary.

• 1:04:38Mark Normand?

  There he is.

• 1:04:39Sam Morril?

  As a special, yeah, looking in that little suit.

• 1:04:41Speaker 04

  I, I feel like.

• 1:04:43Sam Morril?

  Looking like a million bucks.

• 1:04:44Speaker 04

  If you get up, then, because you don't nap, right?

• 1:04:47Sam Morril?

  I hate nap.

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:49Sam Morril?

  Nap is kind of a peeve to me.

• 1:04:51Mark Normand?

  Really? I mean, it works. It feels great, but you can't do it.

• 1:04:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, I highly recommend a rec for me.

• 1:04:54Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:04:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:55Mark Normand?

  What's the trick?

• 1:04:56Speaker 04

  The trick is.

• 1:04:57Mark Normand?

  You try to read?

• 1:04:58Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah.

• 1:04:59Mark Normand?

  You go out?

• 1:05:01Speaker 04

  Uh, the trick is, um, the reading would totally, it's fucking exhausting dude.

• 1:05:06Mark Normand?

  It is, it's hard.

• 1:05:07Speaker 04

  But, um, yeah, I just wait, I just don't have a coffee till I have a nap. And then after my nap, I have a coffee.

• 1:05:13Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:05:14Speaker 04

  When you get up and drink coffee, it's gonna fuck up your nap.

• 1:05:16Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:05:17Speaker 04

  But, 20 minutes, man? Cause don't you tie, if you get up and you work out-

• 1:05:21Sam Morril?

  But how do you do the alarm? How do you, so, my question is, see, how long does it take you to fall asleep for a nap?

• 1:05:26Mark Normand?

  That's the question.

• 1:05:27Speaker 04

  Cause then, maybe like 10 minutes?

• 1:05:29Sam Morril?

  We have to keep adjusting the alarm, I feel like.

• 1:05:30Speaker 04

  Uh, no, I, I'd set the alarm for like an hour out, even though I'll probably wake up in 20 minutes.

• 1:05:36Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:05:37Speaker 04

  But if I work out and do shit on the road, like when I look at lists on the road, he's hiking and all that.

• 1:05:42Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:05:43Speaker 04

  I'd be like, I'd be so tired in between the early show and the late show.

• 1:05:46Mark Normand?

  What are you, an old man? Come on, you're a healthy, you're in your prime.

• 1:05:50Speaker 04

  I picture him with a walking stick. No, I would just be burnt, you know what I mean?

• 1:05:54Sam Morril?

  We, honestly, it wakes me up, like, i- if, if we exercise and like, hit the sauna and, and do a little shower, get a good breakfast, I'll have like four coffees at breakfast, but like, I'm like up for the day. I don't, I, yeah, and, but then we fall asleep somewhat early on the road.

• 1:06:09Speaker 04

  But then, aren't you not tired when you're on the road?

• 1:06:11Mark Normand?

  I am, but I, I just push through and then I try to get some good sleep at night.

• 1:06:15Speaker 04

  You're the only person, is that, that's where the booze comes in.

• 1:06:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that helps.

• 1:06:19Speaker 04

  You're the only person that, and I think of you when I'm on the road, like, Norman gets so pumped about like, he's like, "I flew in from South Africa, did a podcast, I got three spots tonight." Like that, like the shit that would weigh me down-

• 1:06:32Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:06:33Speaker 04

  Gets you pumped.

• 1:06:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I guess so. I, cause I, I am tired, but I'm pumped that I could get it all in.

• 1:06:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:39Mark Normand?

  I beat the system, I feel like.

• 1:06:40Sam Morril?

  Cause you, do you get a feeling, like, when it's all over, you're like, mm?

• 1:06:43Mark Normand?

  Yes, it's satisfaction, satisfaction, this is for the kids at home. Satisfaction is better than happiness. Everybody's like, "I wanna be happy, I wanna be happy." You're not satisfied. You get satisfied, you'll be happy.

• 1:06:53Sam Morril?

  But maybe they're connected. Satisfaction makes you happy, right?

• 1:06:55Mark Normand?

  I think so. I think so. Everybody's chasing happiness. They wanna take a pill or just like, what do I do? I wanna be happier.

• 1:07:00Sam Morril?

  Fulfillment.

• 1:07:01Mark Normand?

  Go fulfill yourself and then scratch something off a list.

• 1:07:05Sam Morril?

  I will say, after four hours, I would do, I would prep for the audiobook for four hours. Then I would do the audiobook session for four hours.

• 1:07:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:13Sam Morril?

  And I felt burnt, but on top of the world after that.

• 1:07:16Mark Normand?

  Cause don't you go, maybe we're all different here, but I feel like a vacation, I almost can't enjoy it. Cause I'm like, I'm not being productive. I could've done this. I could've done that. I wasted a day. And I don't enjoy the vacation, cause I'm just thinking of what I could've done with those hours.

• 1:07:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:30Mark Normand?

  Maybe that's a disease.

• 1:07:31Sam Morril?

  I'm bad at vacation, dude.

• 1:07:33Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 1:07:33Sam Morril?

  Like, look, you have to, you have to almost trick yourself. Cause I think we were, we're all wired in this way. We're like, to get good at stand-up, we had to do so many shows a night.

• 1:07:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:43Sam Morril?

  Never really take nights off for so many years that you're like, it became hard to relax. And then, and then you go on, I'd be in like Santorini and I'd be like, I'm supposed to just like go on a catamaran?

• 1:07:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:54Sam Morril?

  What the fuck is this shit?

• 1:07:55Mark Normand?

  I got stuff to do.

• 1:07:56Sam Morril?

  And even then, my girlfriend would be making fun of me. She'd be like, you're just gonna read like a Putin book by the pool?

• 1:08:02Mark Normand?

  That's relaxing.

• 1:08:02Sam Morril?

  I was like, I was like, that was me trying to be good. But yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Uh, it's hard for me. Like, I, yeah, I'd always wanna be like, what's this doing for my comedy? And that's a really unhealthy way to think.

• 1:08:12Mark Normand?

  I guess so.

• 1:08:13Sam Morril?

  But, but, cause I don't do that. If I go to like a Knicks game, I'm like, how is this good? But I guess the things I enjoy, the ways I like kinda decompress aren't vacation.

• 1:08:22Mark Normand?

  Same.

• 1:08:22Sam Morril?

  I feel like I take a lot of mini vacations.

• 1:08:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:24Sam Morril?

  I'll go to like a Knicks game or like a fucking, you know, a hockey game or go to like a museum or go see a movie.

• 1:08:30Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:08:31Sam Morril?

  But I'm not gonna like.

• 1:08:32Mark Normand?

  Mini vacation, that's big.

• 1:08:34Sam Morril?

  But when I go travel, I'd be like, well, I'm here. I wanna do like a gig.

• 1:08:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's how I feel. And then, you know, the women in your life get mad at you like, you gotta, you gotta go do this? What about dinner? And I'm like, I hate dinner. I wanna go do this.

• 1:08:45Sam Morril?

  It works both ways though, because I was just in, you know, I did a little Euro tour and dude, I, I did too many countries in too short a time. I didn't enjoy it. Like, that's the other problem. Like, I want, the balance is hard, but man, I did like.

• 1:08:59Sam Morril?

  All of Scandinavia in like four days?

• 1:09:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:01Sam Morril?

  And I'm like, this isn't how you fucking enjoy it.

• 1:09:03Mark Normand?

  I did the same thing.

• 1:09:04Sam Morril?

  You know, like.

• 1:09:04Mark Normand?

  You wake up, you're on an airport.

• 1:09:05Sam Morril?

  It sucked.

• 1:09:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:07Sam Morril?

  And every time I'd land there, I'd be like, man, I found a good restaurant. And I'd be like, I want to be here for a few days.

• 1:09:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:11Sam Morril?

  So then I see what like Leonard Cohen used to do when he'd just like live in Hydra for a month. And I'm like, that's kind of cool. I mean, I guess a musician, you can do that.

• 1:09:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:18Sam Morril?

  But like.

• 1:09:19Mark Normand?

  But we don't need Ari. Ari lives in fucking Cambodia for a month. And I'm like, ah, that's too much.

• 1:09:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:26Mark Normand?

  You're 68 years old.

• 1:09:27Speaker 04

  But if you were doing, if you did that and did like every other day.

• 1:09:30Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's the move.

• 1:09:32Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? Do a show in Norway, spend the day in Norway, fly to, you know.

• 1:09:36Mark Normand?

  I brought the wife on that, I did the same run where you just wake up, go to the airport, you fly to Oslo.

• 1:09:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:43Mark Normand?

  The show's that night. You do the show, you try to get dinner, try to do something after the show.

• 1:09:47Speaker 04

  Which is so fucking hard when you don't know what's going down.

• 1:09:49Mark Normand?

  I know. And it's late and shit closes early. We live in New York. We forget, like shit rolls up over there.

• 1:09:54Sam Morril?

  Even New York's closing early, dude. I was trying to go to a bar the other night, after I saw you at The Cellar when I was fucking shitfaced. That night at The Cellar.

• 1:10:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:10:03Sam Morril?

  All I know is I ran the light, Liz, the manager's lighting me. I was like, I impregnated her and I won't pay child support. And the crowd's like, what the fuck is happening? I was just like fucking with her.

• 1:10:13Mark Normand?

  He's laughing.

• 1:10:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, she was cracking up. I got off stage, I bombed, I tried to find a bar and like nothing was open. I was like, this is fucking West Village. Dude.

• 1:10:20Mark Normand?

  Bars are gonna start closing more and more because no one drinks now.

• 1:10:23Speaker 04

  East Village.

• 1:10:25Mark Normand?

  That was a hotspot.

• 1:10:26Speaker 04

  It was a hotspot. 7A, there was that other, you know?

• 1:10:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. 7A's 24 hours. Or used to be.

• 1:10:31Speaker 04

  Yeah. Vesselka's not 24 hours.

• 1:10:34Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 1:10:34Sam Morril?

  That was the one that ripped my fucking heart. Vesselka's a spot.

• 1:10:37Speaker 04

  It's the spot.

• 1:10:38Sam Morril?

  That's a spot.

• 1:10:39Speaker 04

  It's a spot. And it was such a comic spot.

• 1:10:41Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 1:10:42Speaker 04

  You'd go there and you'd.

• 1:10:43Sam Morril?

  We've been there together a couple of times. That's a great spot. Yeah.

• 1:10:45Speaker 04

  And I've been there, I, because I live so close, I'll stop in and you always see comics there. But yeah, closes at 12.

• 1:10:52Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:10:52Speaker 04

  Which now is like late for the city. It's like, why are we?

• 1:10:55Mark Normand?

  What happened?

• 1:10:56Sam Morril?

  We need a new catchphrase. It's not the city that never sleeps anymore, man. It really isn't. Like, diners are also dead too, in the city. Like, because, and then you go to a diner and you're like, how do you stay open? You're like, oh, eggs are $22.

• 1:11:07Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:11:08Sam Morril?

  It kind of takes away the charm of a fucking diner.

• 1:11:10Mark Normand?

  I know. Now they got these diners that are pretending to be a diner. It's like, I identify as a diner, but it's so expensive. And you're like, what are you doing? There used to be like, like, blue collar people in here, middle class. And now it's just. Everything's like fucking fake. It's like a diner, accoutrements.

• 1:11:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:26Mark Normand?

  You know, but they don't have the prices.

• 1:11:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, but not, East Village, nothing open late now. It stinks.

• 1:11:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, that was the bar area.

• 1:11:34Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:11:34Mark Normand?

  Remember Mars Bar and all that shit?

• 1:11:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, bars might still be open late, but.

• 1:11:38Sam Morril?

  Norman and I talked about the movie, how much we both love After Hours so much, just about the idea that this, like, the chaos of the city all night.

• 1:11:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:46Sam Morril?

  What it represented and now.

• 1:11:47Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:11:48Sam Morril?

  That part, like, look, it's crazy to see, like, Tribeca and Soho and like how fucking grimy they were. It's also awesome. Great fucking movie.

• 1:11:54Speaker 04

  I love that movie. You recommended that to me during the pandemic and I fucking loved it.

• 1:11:57Sam Morril?

  It's so funny. It's Scorsese's funniest movie.

• 1:12:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:00Sam Morril?

  But, yeah, it's crazy, like, I love that he's in that bar late night.

• 1:12:05Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:12:05Sam Morril?

  All these, you know, there's the weird bar owner, the, all the weird characters, the diner that's late.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  And just Soho when it wasn't a mall.

• 1:12:13Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:12:14Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:12:14Mark Normand?

  They had strip clubs in Soho. Isn't that crazy?

• 1:12:16Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 1:12:17Mark Normand?

  There were strip clubs in Soho.

• 1:12:18Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:12:18Mark Normand?

  It's insane to think about, like, how much shit has changed.

• 1:12:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:21Mark Normand?

  But yeah, it's sad and the, the problem is we're bitching about it, but the kids now don't even care. They're like, ah, we don't want to do that. We want to watch Netflix and take edibles and vape.

• 1:12:30Speaker 04

  That's what it says?

• 1:12:33Mark Normand?

  These kids today. That's a Tory vape. That's all it is. They just want to like, uh, like play Twitch and shit.

• 1:12:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:42Mark Normand?

  It's sad. No one's got any fire in the belly. Maybe I'm an old boomer. I don't know.

• 1:12:48Speaker 04

  And the robe, it hits harder too.

• 1:12:49Mark Normand?

  Well, the kids, kids are fascinating now because they're like soft and queefy, but they also eat ass and do ketamine.

• 1:12:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:56Mark Normand?

  So like they've just, they've stayed crazy. They just do it in different ways.

• 1:12:59Speaker 04

  That's, that's interesting.

• 1:13:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like Luigi is killing CEOs, but he was, he didn't drink. You know, that's what I'm saying.

• 1:13:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:08Mark Normand?

  I think I got something here.

• 1:13:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, there could be something.

• 1:13:10Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:13:11Speaker 04

  Luigi.

• 1:13:12Speaker 03

  This is a prototype, like Larry David scene from After Hours. Curb Your Enthusiasm. He's, uh, trying to buy a token.

• 1:13:19Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:13:19Speaker 03

  And he gets there at like 12:01 and the price of the token, it just goes up.

• 1:13:22Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's funny.

• 1:13:23Speaker 04

  He's a great scene.

• 1:13:24Mark Normand?

  Griffin Dunn.

• 1:13:27Speaker 04

  He's in a new movie.

• 1:13:28Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:13:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  I've got 97 cents.

• 1:13:31Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:13:33Speaker 03

  It's raining like mad out there.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:13:36Speaker 03

  Would you just give me a break? I really just want to go home.

• 1:13:39Speaker 01

  I'm sorry. I can't do that. I could lose my job.

• 1:13:44Speaker 04

  That's heavy, the one actor's probably like forty, eighty old dude.

• 1:13:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:47Speaker 05

  Go to a party, get drunk, talk to someone, who knows?

• 1:13:53Speaker 03

  That was the line, sorry.

• 1:13:54Mark Normand?

  Who knows?

• 1:13:55Sam Morril?

  Everything going, everything going wrong is like, it's, it can be annoying and this movie does it right, which is a hard thing to do. You could just be annoyed watching it.

• 1:14:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:04Sam Morril?

  But this movie keeps it just funny enough.

• 1:14:07Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:14:08Sam Morril?

  And visually it's just so good. Beautiful.

• 1:14:10Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:14:10Sam Morril?

  Fuck, do you ever just see like a taxi, an old taxi cab in a movie and you get like sad?

• 1:14:14Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 1:14:16Sam Morril?

  Like, that's, I was, The Untouchables was on TV the other day and fucking those old timey cabs, I'm like, I miss just seeing like cabs.

• 1:14:23Mark Normand?

  The checker cabs?

• 1:14:24Sam Morril?

  Those are cool looking.

• 1:14:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, remember Arthur?

• 1:14:28Sam Morril?

  I love Arthur.

• 1:14:29Speaker 04

  Arthur, man, moon in New York City.

• 1:14:31Mark Normand?

  Exactly. New York was wild, Taxi Driver, all that shit. I mean, it's, uh, really buttoned up.

• 1:14:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I watched the movie Taxi Driver, it really made me miss Taxi Driver.

• 1:14:42Sam Morril?

  Seemed like really stable people.

• 1:14:43Mark Normand?

  You could, you remember he's wiping jizz on the backseat, that was a good time.

• 1:14:47Speaker 03

  So we have, uh, three premier joke writers in New York City right here. Are you guys working on any bits?

• 1:14:53Sam Morril?

  I, I, you always do this when I got nothing. Every time he does this, I'm like, I got no fucking, oh, my new shit sucks.

• 1:14:59Mark Normand?

  You got some stuff, I saw you the other night.

• 1:15:01Sam Morril?

  I fucking suck.

• 1:15:03Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, Bill Ali's got a book, he's been writing.

• 1:15:07Speaker 04

  The last line's a punchline.

• 1:15:09Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:15:09Speaker 04

  So setup, no, that's not true.

• 1:15:12Mark Normand?

  That'd be cool, uh, uh, a build up that long.

• 1:15:15Sam Morril?

  Well, it is kind of, the first line of the book relates to the last line of the, um...

• 1:15:21Mark Normand?

  Hey, callback.

• 1:15:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:22Mark Normand?

  Or bookend.

• 1:15:23Speaker 04

  Where's the best place to buy it from?

• 1:15:25Sam Morril?

  Uh, if you, th- this is, if you could do anything for me.

• 1:15:29Mark Normand?

  Here we go.

• 1:15:30Sam Morril?

  My dream is to go from special ed to the New York Times Bestseller List.

• 1:15:35Mark Normand?

  I love it.

• 1:15:36Speaker 04

  You have now, the people that are watching the podcast, now is the time. If you preorder it now, today, or tomorrow, then it can happen.

• 1:15:45Mark Normand?

  Okay, we can do this.

• 1:15:46Sam Morril?

  Preorder this, guys. Now, Spellbound, and Amazon's the place to do it?

• 1:15:50Speaker 04

  You can do it on Amazon. If you go to my Instagram, give a little follow. And then the link in the bio, there's a link in the bio. It's on Amazon, it's on, like, wherever you buy books.

• 1:16:02Mark Normand?

  I love it. And we'll put it on the YouTube as well. We'll put it on our page, and we'll plug it.

• 1:16:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we'll plug it. There'll be a link in the YouTube, right?

• 1:16:08Speaker 04

  There's a modeling photo in there.

• 1:16:09Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:16:11Sam Morril?

  I think I've seen some of these.

• 1:16:12Speaker 04

  On the end pages, Sammy, if you look at the end pages, those are all, I made a list of all the words I couldn't spell as I read, as I wrote the book.

• 1:16:18Sam Morril?

  Oh, awesome.

• 1:16:18Speaker 04

  In the end pages, the black pages there, those are all, that's a list of all of them.

• 1:16:22Sam Morril?

  Oh, wow. This is great. Oh, this is great.

• 1:16:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, cool. Look at that.

• 1:16:24Sam Morril?

  Okay, cool.

• 1:16:25Mark Normand?

  All right, all right. And there's a zillion people out there with their reading problems and writing problems, so this is gonna hit home. And kids now are illiterate.

• 1:16:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but you can also get the audio.

• 1:16:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:36Sam Morril?

  Does the audiobook cost, uh, count toward the bestseller list?

• 1:16:39Speaker 04

  Uh, it counts. There's like two categories. There's one category that encompasses everything, but if you actually buy the book, I mean, if I was you, I would just go, you get both.

• 1:16:49Mark Normand?

  Get both. There you go. And see you on the road.

• 1:16:52Speaker 04

  The hard copy of the book, then, uh, that goes towards the New York Times Bestseller List. But that's like my dream, dream, dream.

• 1:16:58Sam Morril?

  Okay, well, let's get him there, guys. Let's get him there.

• 1:17:03Sam Morril?

  That was "This Morning" by Isaiah. So you're like, you're not gonna get the bestseller list? No, get him on the bestseller list. New York Times, "Spellbound" by Phil Hanley. Uh, "My Life as a Dyslexic Wordsmith." I can't wait to read this. Uh, I know Mark's gonna read it.

• 1:17:16Speaker 04

  You're in it, Sammy. You're in it.

• 1:17:17Sam Morril?

  I can't wait.

• 1:17:18Speaker 04

  We talked about going to Cafe Collette, doing that show.

• 1:17:21Sam Morril?

  Oh, shit, those fucking, those cappuccinos?

• 1:17:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:24Sam Morril?

  Those were fucking good, man.

• 1:17:25Speaker 04

  Talk about when you got passed at the cellar.

• 1:17:26Sam Morril?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:17:27Mark Normand?

  Hey, all right. And check out him on the road, too.

• 1:17:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, give us some road dates as well for Phil. Pull up some road dates.

• 1:17:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, can you bring it up?

• 1:17:35Mark Normand?

  Punch ups the way to go.

• 1:17:36Sam Morril?

  Punchup.live/PhilHanley/tickets. You can see Phil.

• 1:17:41Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 1:17:42Sam Morril?

  This comes out the 16th, I believe, so.

• 1:17:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, these are killer rooms you got.

• 1:17:44Sam Morril?

  San Francisco at Cobb's, one of the best rooms in the country. We got, uh, Washington DC, the DC Improv, another classic.

• 1:17:51Mark Normand?

  Kimball Theater in Virginia, you got the Variety Playoffs in Georgia, Plaza Live, Orlando, Asheville.

• 1:17:58Speaker 04

  Orange Peel, have you played there?

• 1:17:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, let me tell you something. It was only, Asheville's a great city. It was one of my least favorite shows in my last run. But, I might've just drawn a bad crowd that day.

• 1:18:08Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 1:18:08Sam Morril?

  I think Asheville's great.

• 1:18:10Speaker 04

  I love Asheville.

• 1:18:11Sam Morril?

  I have a sweatshirt from the Orange Peel, that's why I remember.

• 1:18:13Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 1:18:13Mark Normand?

  Is it jazz club? What is that?

• 1:18:14Sam Morril?

  No, it's a really cool little rock club.

• 1:18:16Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:18:17Speaker 04

  And then I'm at Town Hall.

• 1:18:19Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 1:18:20Mark Normand?

  In New York?

• 1:18:21Speaker 04

  Yep, New York, and then the Wilbur, which were two dream venues for me to play.

• 1:18:25Sam Morril?

  Two of the best rooms in the country.

• 1:18:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:26Mark Normand?

  Wilbur's top five, I think, in the whole country.

• 1:18:28Sam Morril?

  I taped a special there, I fucking love the Wilbur.

• 1:18:30Speaker 04

  And we just added a show in DC.

• 1:18:33Sam Morril?

  Beautiful, man.

• 1:18:33Speaker 04

  And that's not me.

• 1:18:34Sam Morril?

  Man, you gotta go to Old Ebbets, uh, you ever go there?

• 1:18:37Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:18:37Sam Morril?

  Pull it up, real quick, Salakus. Old Ebbets in DC. Old Ebbets, dude, trust me.

• 1:18:44Mark Normand?

  I don't know Old Ebbets.

• 1:18:44Sam Morril?

  This is, this is, this is a Gary doesn't miss, Old Ebbet Grill. Pull up a picture, it's fucking old school, like a Sinatra type place. Dude, it's so, so cool.

• 1:18:52Speaker 04

  It looks like a big version of the tornado room in Madison.

• 1:18:55Sam Morril?

  And, and the host was a We Might Be Drunk listener, so he made sure we were taken care of.

• 1:19:00Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 1:19:00Sam Morril?

  He was like, "I got you the coolest waiter," it was like an old guy who was like kind of a ballbuster, I was like, oh, this is what it's all about. We got fucking sauce, we're pounding martinis, we're getting great stuff at the tables, it was, it was a great night.

• 1:19:12Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 1:19:12Mark Normand?

  I love it, look at that, that's beautiful.

• 1:19:14Sam Morril?

  Old school. Gotta, gotta check it out.

• 1:19:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like a art deco.

• 1:19:17Speaker 04

  That looks beautiful.

• 1:19:18Mark Normand?

  I don't wanna brag, but I'm doing Vegas, and I got, the Spearmint Rhino guy hit me up.

• 1:19:22Speaker 04

  Whoa, no, wait, are you serious?

• 1:19:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so I'm gonna go in there with, uh, just gym shorts on, and, uh.

• 1:19:28Sam Morril?

  Hide your wallet.

• 1:19:29Speaker 04

  Wear that outfit you're wearing tonight.

• 1:19:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:19:33Sam Morril?

  Dude, that's, uh, that place is classic.

• 1:19:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:19:35Sam Morril?

  I've been.

• 1:19:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, you have?

• 1:19:37Sam Morril?

  I've been, yeah.

• 1:19:37Mark Normand?

  I've been once, too.

• 1:19:41Mark Normand?

  I got my headshots on the wall. Uh, yeah, I'm all over the road. I'm in Reno, uh... Oh, we've got the live Pates of Stage premiere at the Village East. We're playing, uh, our, our second episode.

• 1:19:54Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah. What's that? I might be there for that.

• 1:19:56Mark Normand?

  Hey, we'd love to have you. When is it? March 26th.

• 1:19:59Sam Morril?

  I'm going, I'm going to a Knicks game.

• 1:20:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:20:01Sam Morril?

  I'd be there.

• 1:20:02Mark Normand?

  That's understandable.

• 1:20:04Sam Morril?

  The Ryman?

• 1:20:05Mark Normand?

  Doing the Ryman, baby.

• 1:20:06Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god. Have you done the Ryman? Yeah. You've done the Ryman years ago, yeah. That's amazing. It's sick.

• 1:20:11Mark Normand?

  Very exciting. That's a, what's a bucket list?

• 1:20:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's a bucket list. One of the best rooms in the fucking country. I just did a, a pretty cool one in Nashville that wasn't the Ryman. It was like, uh... Something like, it was on a university thing, but it was pretty good.

• 1:20:23Mark Normand?

  All right, yeah, Nashville's great. Great comedy town.

• 1:20:26Sam Morril?

  Had Taylor Luan from Busting with the Boys come out. We...

• 1:20:28Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:20:29Sam Morril?

  We, uh, yeah, we had, it, great hang, man.

• 1:20:32Mark Normand?

  That guy...

• 1:20:32Sam Morril?

  Dude, three fucking... James, our video guy, had three hot chickens, which on the bus, you, you gotta know not to do. You can't poop on a bus.

• 1:20:41Mark Normand?

  No, no, no.

• 1:20:42Sam Morril?

  He hotboxes the fucking bus.

• 1:20:44Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:20:44Sam Morril?

  And then throws it in the garbage. And I was like...

• 1:20:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, he fished it out?

• 1:20:48Sam Morril?

  He had to fish it out because he triple-bagged it. I'll give him that. Or so I was like, all right, at least he had the foresight to triple-bag it. But we're like, dude, you can't do that. It just sits there. You can't be carcasses on the bus, man.

• 1:20:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a spicy shit.

• 1:21:00Sam Morril?

  That's a spicy carcass.

• 1:21:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but goddamn, the hot chickens, it's good, but it's a mistake.

• 1:21:04Mark Normand?

  That's unreal.

• 1:21:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's a huge mistake.

• 1:21:06Mark Normand?

  But, all right, so, uh, yeah, so, come out to my show, Busting with the Boys. They did the Jelly Roll roast with me. They had a better set than I did. They killed.

• 1:21:14Sam Morril?

  They're funny dudes.

• 1:21:15Mark Normand?

  Uptown Theater in Napa, which, Napa, I'm very excited about. Just going to wine country.

• 1:21:19Sam Morril?

  Nah, I'd love to go to Napa. You gonna get some fucking wine?

• 1:21:21Mark Normand?

  I'll get some Merlot. I feel like Giamatti.

• 1:21:23Sam Morril?

  No, you don't, you don't drink Merlot.

• 1:21:24Mark Normand?

  You're right. Oh, really?

• 1:21:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit, all right. Santa Barbara, Asheville, make-up date for the hurricane. Although Asheville just had a crazy fire. You see that?

• 1:21:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah. They just don't want you to perform there.

• 1:21:35Mark Normand?

  They really don't. Bristol, Tennessee, New Brunswick, Ithaca, then I'm going on a UK tour for a couple of days.

• 1:21:42Sam Morril?

  When's that?

• 1:21:42Mark Normand?

  That's in May. Yeah, that'll be fun. And I love the UK.

• 1:21:47Sam Morril?

  I love the UK.

• 1:21:48Mark Normand?

  They gave me a long Europe tour and I said, "Break it up. I got a child now."

• 1:21:51Sam Morril?

  Dude, I, you know what? I, I really wish I did the same thing because I loved Copenhagen and I loved Amsterdam. I love all these places I didn't get to fucking explore. Broke my heart. I'm gonna spread it out. Spread it out.

• 1:22:02Mark Normand?

  Spread it out.

• 1:22:03Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, you're playing The Egg? Yeah, The Egg is sick. It looks cool. Yeah, I got, so we got the, uh, but that, this is after that.

• 1:22:10Mark Normand?

  Wait, I'm at the UK too. Are we on the same week?

• 1:22:11Sam Morril?

  This comes out the 12th?

• 1:22:13Speaker 03

  Uh, this comes out the 15th, 16th.

• 1:22:15Sam Morril?

  Okay, that's March 13th. Yeah, but yeah, I would have played The Egg though. The Egg was great. Great show. They, Cuomo came out, it was a blast. Columbus, Ohio, uh, April 10th. Royal Oak, Michigan, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Madison, Des Moines, Iowa, never been. St. Louis, Missouri, Kansas City, Minneapolis, uh, Phoenix, Arizona, San Diego, SAC, SF, Portland. We added a late show on a Monday, so please come out. I hope I don't regret this. The Vogue. Yeah, we got The Vogue. We had a late show there. Please, uh, these are like midweek things. They make me fucking nervous adding a late show. But Seattle, the Moors great. Late show in Vancouver, May 7th.

• 1:22:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, that Egyptians killer.

• 1:22:55Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah, Boise, and then, uh, Salt Lake, and then closing and out in Denver.

• 1:22:59Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:23:00Sam Morril?

  Paramount's supposed to be great. It's fucking insane. It's, it's so good.

• 1:23:03Mark Normand?

  Top 5 as well.

• 1:23:05Sam Morril?

  I love Denver.

• 1:23:05Speaker 03

  Sam, what are you doing in this big break here between April? There's a big break here, right?

• 1:23:11Sam Morril?

  April 30th to May 1st. Two weeks is a big break, I guess, yeah.

• 1:23:14Speaker 03

  12th and...

• 1:23:15Sam Morril?

  Guess I'm a piece of shit, Matt. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry, I'm taking two weeks to recover. What are you doing that week, dude?

• 1:23:22Sam Morril?

  I'm doing like 12 days at a time. I gotta fucking recoup a little bit. Thank some pods with, with Mark over here.

• 1:23:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, podcasts.

• 1:23:29Sam Morril?

  Some other shit.

• 1:23:30Speaker 03

  I was expecting Sardinia or something.

• 1:23:32Sam Morril?

  Are we doing Pepeves?

• 1:23:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:23:34Sam Morril?

  Dude, please, yeah.

• 1:23:35Mark Normand?

  Penney, baby.

• 1:23:36Sam Morril?

  Fucking kidding me? I got a bunch.

• 1:23:38Speaker 04

  This is a huge peeve and then is when you're, you get upgraded, right? You're in first, you wanna sleep, I need to sleep.

• 1:23:47Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:23:47Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 1:23:48Mark Normand?

  You're a napper.

• 1:23:49Speaker 04

  I'm a napper.

• 1:23:50Mark Normand?

  Napa Valley.

• 1:23:50Speaker 04

  Fucking, the whole plane is completely silent. Everyone is not being a dick, everyone's got their blinds down, it's just like fucking-

• 1:23:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, I already know.

• 1:23:59Speaker 04

  Xanadu, the stewardess in the little cubby thing are talking and fucking being so loud. If you had that?

• 1:24:08Mark Normand?

  I have.

• 1:24:09Sam Morril?

  Where they're not aware of the volume, it's like, you gotta be respectful to the sleepers.

• 1:24:13Mark Normand?

  That, you don't do noise cancel?

• 1:24:15Speaker 04

  Uh, I do earplugs.

• 1:24:16Sam Morril?

  It's hard to sleep in the noise cancel. It's hard to get a good angle on those.

• 1:24:20Mark Normand?

  That's true, I go the pods.

• 1:24:23Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 1:24:23Mark Normand?

  Not the headphone, I go the pods.

• 1:24:25Sam Morril?

  You know what's a good hack for that actually, is you, you put the pods in and you play, play like just a white noise app.

• 1:24:30Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:24:31Sam Morril?

  And it'll just do a fan, it'll just be the noise of a fan, but it's with the pods in it, it works.

• 1:24:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, never thought of that.

• 1:24:37Sam Morril?

  It's not, it's not gonna cancel out if they're yapping, but it's-

• 1:24:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, that's a, that's a-

• 1:24:41Mark Normand?

  That's a good one. Good peeve, good peeve.

• 1:24:44Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:24:44Sam Morril?

  Damn, we gotta, this guy, he told you about a book?

• 1:24:46Mark Normand?

  Can we show the writing, your writing, just to get, let people know how fucked up you actually are?

• 1:24:50Speaker 04

  This is pretty good, this is pretty good.

• 1:24:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, that is pretty good.

• 1:24:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:24:53Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:24:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, my girlfriend wrote that up.

• 1:24:57Speaker 04

  Uh, okay, and then, this is a hu- this is a huge one that ruins my night. So, I'll do stand-up, all I wanna do is go back to the hotel and watch the Leafs, right? Watch the Maple Leafs.

• 1:25:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:25:10Speaker 04

  Fucking, people who ruin the ga- like after the game, they're like, I guess that's another one in the win column, whatever. It's like dude, first off, no one gives a shit what you think, secondly, my night's fucked.

• 1:25:19Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:25:20Speaker 04

  I'm supposed to watch a game not knowing?

• 1:25:21Mark Normand?

  That's a big one.

• 1:25:22Speaker 04

  Cause that's what most people do.

• 1:25:24Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course, don't read the comments.

• 1:25:26Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:25:27Mark Normand?

  Did you, did you see the, uh, the Canada won eventually, the, the, what is it, the final four, what do you call that?

• 1:25:32Speaker 04

  Oh, the four nation four.

• 1:25:33Sam Morril?

  I know, Vida told me he was texting you, I was like, well, let's send him a fucking middle finger right now, and he was like, nah, nah, nah, you gotta, I was like, why? I'm like, it's fucking funny.

• 1:25:40Mark Normand?

  Canada won, you gotta hand it over.

• 1:25:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're so, they're so talented, their team.

• 1:25:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I mean, the States were great too, it was hard to vote, cause some of my favorite- Favorite players were playing for the Americans.

• 1:25:50Sam Morril?

  The Kachuk brothers are so cool.

• 1:25:51Speaker 04

  Oh dude, they're such badasses.

• 1:25:53Sam Morril?

  The fact, did you see that they got into three fights within the first nine?

• 1:25:56Mark Normand?

  Yes, I did, because they booed the anthem.

• 1:25:58Speaker 04

  Three scraps, but the thing that was crazy was, because they'd been hyping it up, the NHL had been hyping that up, and I was like, I don't know, because the, the All-Star game's always so boring and lame.

• 1:26:08Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:26:08Speaker 04

  These guys went so, they were playing like game seven, it was insane scraps, crazy hits.

• 1:26:14Mark Normand?

  Yep, yep.

• 1:26:15Speaker 04

  We saw it, uh, in Montreal, I was with, uh, yeah, and so they're, in Montreal, they like sang and it was like, yeah, it was huge. It was great.

• 1:26:24Sam Morril?

  It's, it's kind of sad to see the tension between Canada and the US where like they're booing and you're like, ah, just, it's a bummer.

• 1:26:30Mark Normand?

  It was more neighbors.

• 1:26:32Speaker 04

  It's such a bummer, and when I, the one thing that I'll say, when I tell people like Americans, I'm like, yeah, they were, they boo the, Americans are always like, I guess so. Like, the people that I tell are, understand why Canada's hurt.

• 1:26:47Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:26:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:26:48Mark Normand?

  Wait, wait, what do you mean? They booed the anthem?

• 1:26:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, they booed the anthem.

• 1:26:51Sam Morril?

  But they're mad at us.

• 1:26:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're.

• 1:26:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, they're mad at Trump.

• 1:26:54Speaker 04

  They're, well, they're mad, yeah, I mean, they're mad at the States, but I think they, yeah, they're a little upset because of the tariff thing.

• 1:27:00Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 1:27:01Speaker 04

  You know what I mean, just because we kind of had your back in every war.

• 1:27:06Mark Normand?

  Is Trudeau in or out? Because I thought he stepped down. Oh, he is, okay.

• 1:27:10Speaker 04

  He's on his way out.

• 1:27:10Sam Morril?

  If you got one little, uh, snipe on the way out on Twitter.

• 1:27:13Speaker 04

  But every commercial in Canada right now is referencing the tariff, like, it's a huge deal.

• 1:27:18Mark Normand?

  Whoa, really?

• 1:27:19Speaker 04

  It's a huge deal at home.

• 1:27:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, look at Mike Myers.

• 1:27:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:27:21Mark Normand?

  Oh shit, there he is, he did a fun Elon with the chainsaw.

• 1:27:27Mark Normand?

  I don't know if you guys caught that.

• 1:27:28Sam Morril?

  I know, I caught it.

• 1:27:29Mark Normand?

  Thirteen million, boy, that Tate McCray is not too shabby, huh?

• 1:27:32Sam Morril?

  She's like twenty-one, right?

• 1:27:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:27:34Mark Normand?

  Even a little old.

• 1:27:37Speaker 04

  I didn't know who that was until I saw, I watched.

• 1:27:39Mark Normand?

  I didn't either.

• 1:27:39Sam Morril?

  I thought it was a dude, I just heard Tate, and I'm like, it's a shame, maybe it's like a country singer.

• 1:27:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I thought it was a country singer too.

• 1:27:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:45Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:27:46Sam Morril?

  She's hot.

• 1:27:46Mark Normand?

  Answer Tate McCray. There you go. Alright, so yeah, thanks folks. Get the book.

• 1:27:51Sam Morril?

  Buy the book.

• 1:27:52Mark Normand?

  Spellbound.

• 1:27:52Sam Morril?

  Spellbound by Phil Hanley.

• 1:27:54Speaker 04

  Will that be your rec?

• 1:27:55Sam Morril?

  We're very impressed.

• 1:27:56Mark Normand?

  Yes, that's my rec.

• 1:27:57Sam Morril?

  That's my rec for the week.

• 1:27:58Mark Normand?

  Get it on Amazon.

• 1:27:58Sam Morril?

  Spellbound by Phil Hanley.

• 1:28:00Speaker 04

  If you could please buy it, so this comes out, I have like, two more days to get it on the bestseller list. If you buy it, if you buy it today or the next, or I guess, yeah, the next few days, then it would get on the New York Times bestseller list.

• 1:28:13Mark Normand?

  We're gonna get there.

• 1:28:14Sam Morril?

  Spread the word, uh, great comic, uh, great joke writer.

• 1:28:18Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:28:19Sam Morril?

  I, I have every belief that this is gonna be amazing. I haven't read it yet, but...

• 1:28:22Speaker 04

  You get a copy.

• 1:28:23Sam Morril?

  I got a copy coming to me.

• 1:28:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:28:25Sam Morril?

  I can't wait.

• 1:28:25Mark Normand?

  Alright, thank you.

• 1:28:26Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna bring it with me on the fucking bus. I'm, I'm gonna read it for real, so, uh, please, uh...

• 1:28:30Speaker 04

  I don't want James farting near it.

• 1:28:32Mark Normand?

  Ah, I'm gonna get it too, I'm gonna...

• 1:28:34Sam Morril?

  By the way, I just, I just skipped to a, a chapter, it said chick, sick chicken.

• 1:28:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:28:38Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:28:39Sam Morril?

  There's a modeling story.

• 1:28:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, weird.

• 1:28:41Speaker 04

  That's kismet.

• 1:28:42Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:28:43Sam Morril?

  So I can't wait. Buy the book, support our buddy over here.

• 1:28:45Speaker 04

  Please, thank you guys so much. Thank you for having me.

• 1:28:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:28:48Speaker 04

  So great to see you guys.

• 1:28:49Mark Normand?

  You wanna plunge before you go?

• 1:28:51Sam Morril?

  Absolutely, yeah. Off camera, but yeah, definitely.

• 1:28:53Mark Normand?

  We both had our balls in there, so it's a nice, successful HPV.

• 1:28:57Sam Morril?

  That's a good plunge right there, dude.

• 1:28:59Speaker 04

  It's a hell of a plunge.

• 1:28:59Mark Normand?

  And RIP Hackman.

• 1:29:01Sam Morril?

  RIP, yeah, we didn't do, we, we should have, you know, it bugged me a little, uh, a lot of people were pissed David Lynch didn't get a bigger thing at the Oscars.

• 1:29:09Mark Normand?

  Ah, yeah, that, that memoriam is always a popularity contest.

• 1:29:12Sam Morril?

  People always get pissed. They'll get pissed over random people and they're like, uh, Shannon Doherty wasn't in the Oscars, I'm like, she wasn't like an Oscar, I mean, she, I, I liked her.

• 1:29:22Mark Normand?

  TV actor.

• 1:29:22Sam Morril?

  I liked her.

• 1:29:23Mark Normand?

  She was hot.

• 1:29:24Sam Morril?

  She was hot.

• 1:29:25Mark Normand?

  Was she Asian?

• 1:29:28Mark Normand?

  She had a look, I can never tell.

• 1:29:29Sam Morril?

  No, Ha, Gene Hackman, so this is my book rec.

• 1:29:32Mark Normand?

  Asian wife.

• 1:29:33Sam Morril?

  My, my, my movie rec is gonna be, uh, The Conversation with Gene Hackman, if you've never seen it. You should, and another, one more Gene Hackman, uh, Night Moves.

• 1:29:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:43Sam Morril?

  That's a fucking tight one. Two, two unsung great, I mean, people know The Conversation, I guess, but...

• 1:29:49Mark Normand?

  Night Moves.

• 1:29:50Sam Morril?

  But it's fucking, these are like, great movies, man. And I feel like they get forgotten and, uh, God, Hackman was great in everything.

• 1:29:56Mark Normand?

  He was the man, you know, his dad walked out on him when he was 13?

• 1:29:59Sam Morril?

  No way, really? Yeah, in the interview, he was like, tearing up over it.

• 1:30:02Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:30:02Sam Morril?

  And he, and he kinda paused, he goes, "Guess you never get over it," and I was like, Jesus.

• 1:30:05Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:30:06Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:30:07Mark Normand?

  But what a tough, like, 13, he's playing with his friends in the neighborhood, and his dad just goes... And he never saw him again.

• 1:30:13Sam Morril?

  No way.

• 1:30:13Mark Normand?

  That was it, yeah.

• 1:30:15Sam Morril?

  Wow. Damn.

• 1:30:17Mark Normand?

  Thanks a lot, folks. Hug your father, hug your mom.

• 1:30:20Sam Morril?

  Buy the book, we love you. Thank you for listening, guys. Thanks for having me.

• 1:30:23Mark Normand?

  See you in hell.

• 1:30:24Speaker 06

  Sunday's the day for my next fender. A bit of Peverack, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. Did I get down in the same way? Up on the roof like the cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

• 1:31:10Speaker 07

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, theHouseMajorityPac.com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.