Ep 212: Happy Chrisma-Hanukkah

It's the end of 2024 and a holiday celebration with our friends Joe DeRosa and Rachel Feinstein, with a pop in from Santa and his elves and wrapping it up with Magician Seth Dale. Thank you for spending 2024 with us and we look forward to what 2025 will bring. Support the show and sign up for a $1 per month trial of Shopify at https://www.shopify.com/drunk Your Holiday wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code DRUNK20 at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/DRUNK20 Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Joe DeRosa: Tickets/Tour: https://www.joederosa.com/calendar Rachel Feinstein: Tickets/Tour: https://rachel-feinstein.com/#tourdates Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand/?hl=en Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters/?hl=en #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Mark Normand?

  It's a shame you're not a father, cuz you would kill it.

• 0:03Sam Morril?

  There's still time.

• 0:05Mark Normand?

  He said he doesn't want it. Imagine you had a lawn, this lawn would be unbelievable. Your neighbors would hate you.

• 0:11Sam Morril?

  Look at those, he could grab a wrist.

• 0:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:14Sam Morril?

  Remember when Dad would grab a wrist, you were in trouble?

• 0:16Mark Normand?

  Hate the wrist.

• 0:16Sam Morril?

  And place it on his cock? Make him finish you to completion. Those were the days.

• 0:20Mark Normand?

  The worst was back of the neck. If you got a back of the neck, you were going right to hell.

• 0:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, not good.

• 0:26Mark Normand?

  No, I caught my parents fucking.

• 0:27Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 0:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I joined in.

• 0:29Sam Morril?

  And he started choking you? And then you came, we all came, I'll tell ya.

• 0:33Mark Normand?

  He went front of the neck.

• 0:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I love this time of year, man.

• 0:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's the best. I don't know. Well, you got eight nights.

• 0:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 0:42Mark Normand?

  Crazy nights.

• 0:43Sam Morril?

  Eight crazy nights. But Christmas, I love Christmas. Little all-day MBA on Christmas. We got football now, too. I mean, this is... This is a good time. I love, order a little Chinese food.

• 0:53Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 0:54Sam Morril?

  Watch my Knickerbockers.

• 0:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you can't beat it. I mean, the guy with the, the Santa guy with the bell, the tree in Rockefeller, the ice skating, the hobo pissing with the dirty Santa hat.

• 1:05Sam Morril?

  The hobo pissing's what does it for me.

• 1:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:07Sam Morril?

  Good times. And it really is, like, you feel the cheer. People are, they're in good spirits.

• 1:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I'm going to the family, the wife's family, and they got kids running around. Without the kids, it's kinda sad, to be honest.

• 1:18Sam Morril?

  That's a good point.

• 1:19Mark Normand?

  The kids really make it. Yeah. No one wanted to tell ya, no. I mean, obviously, Christmas is great, but when you got these kids running around, they're ripping open the presents, like, "Oh, my God, a Nintendo!" or whatever kids are playing with.

• 1:31Sam Morril?

  No, kids do help.

• 1:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Halloween, obviously, kids.

• 1:35Sam Morril?

  Oh, look who we got here.

• 1:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, we gotta talk about this.

• 1:38Sam Morril?

  Everything about my picture's better than yours, by the way.

• 1:40Mark Normand?

  Everything.

• 1:41Sam Morril?

  Better lighting.

• 1:42Mark Normand?

  He's smiling.

• 1:43Sam Morril?

  For those listening, Matt Salak used to holding up my picture with Larry David next to Marx.

• 1:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Larry does not look happy in yours. I got a smile.

• 1:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. He hated it. I mean, I told the story. I wanna hear your story.

• 1:56Sam Morril?

  So, I'm in Austin. My agent reps Larry David now for live events. This is why we're having more trouble selling tickets on the road. We're going up against everybody.

• 2:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, LD.

• 2:06Sam Morril?

  Not just comics now, it's Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

• 2:08Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 2:09Sam Morril?

  It's comedians.

• 2:10Mark Normand?

  I know. Hawk Tua's doing a tour. Did you see that?

• 2:13Sam Morril?

  I didn't.

• 2:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she's out there.

• 2:15Sam Morril?

  She's only taking money in Hawk Tua coin, so.

• 2:17Mark Normand?

  It's Bitcoin.

• 2:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:19Sam Morril?

  So, uh, yeah, I'm at the show and the same agent who intro'd you is kinda like, hey.

• 2:26Mark Normand?

  That pimple?

• 2:27Sam Morril?

  You wanna, you wanna, you wanna meet him? And I was like, only if I'm not annoying him.

• 2:31Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 2:31Sam Morril?

  I don't wanna, this is my nightmare. And I'm extra nervous because I know Mark's story and I'm just like, you know, it was a fun show. Suzy Essman and JB Smoove come out.

• 2:40Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 2:40Sam Morril?

  Jeff Schaefer from Curb and Seinfeld.

• 2:43Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 2:43Sam Morril?

  He's, uh, you know, running the interview.

• 2:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:46Sam Morril?

  And it's funny. It's Larry's being hilarious, some stories we've heard, the George fired story. But then there's so many other.

• 2:52Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 2:53Sam Morril?

  Funny stories. Uh, I mean, you saw the show.

• 2:55Mark Normand?

  Did you see the Q and A?

• 2:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:56Mark Normand?

  That was the highlight.

• 2:57Sam Morril?

  It was the highlight because people are so, man, it's like, by the way, you really do realize what his fanbase is. And, uh, man, if there was a Nazi in there, he would've lost his mind. You just hear, you just hear voices behind you like, I go to the store the other day, this happened. I'm like, oh my God, this is his fanbase. It's us. We're just complaining. Like, the guy sits next to me and he just starts complaining instantly. I'm like, it's whiners.

• 3:17Mark Normand?

  Well, he made it an art, you know, like, uh.

• 3:19Sam Morril?

  But whining is not an art. He's just great at it.

• 3:22Mark Normand?

  He's great at it. Yeah. It's like a barroom boxer. You go, fuck this guy. He's an asshole. But you put him in a ring and he's a genius.

• 3:27Sam Morril?

  It's so true. And, uh, but then everyone there thinks they've got the charisma because they're whining.

• 3:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:32Sam Morril?

  You get a lot of people. One guy said, hey, we'd love to hear your rendition of these pretzels are making me thirsty. And Larry just goes, nah.

• 3:38Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 3:39Sam Morril?

  And it crushed.

• 3:40Mark Normand?

  That's what you want him to do, too.

• 3:41Sam Morril?

  Totally. Oh, it's so funny. At the beginning, he's like, he's like, I am not like Larry David. And then as the show goes on, you're like, I'm pretty sure you are.

• 3:48Mark Normand?

  Pretty sure it's exactly who you are. That's why the show worked.

• 3:50Sam Morril?

  A nicer guy.

• 3:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:52Sam Morril?

  But he can't fake it. And, and then, um. You know, a few other questions that were just like, you're like, alright, enough. And after the show, I go back there and I'm like, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna be quick. I don't want to bother him. And I got the perfect intro until he goes, we have a quick talk. And I go, the show was good, which is all anyone wants to hear.

• 4:09Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 4:09Sam Morril?

  You just want to hear the show was good.

• 4:11Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 4:11Sam Morril?

  He goes, really? And I said, yeah, it was really good.

• 4:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 4:14Sam Morril?

  It was really funny and I said, I'm a big fan. My favorite episode is Corp Sniffing Dog and he smiled.

• 4:19Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 4:19Sam Morril?

  I got a smile on it. I love, because they were talking about callbacks on stage. How much they love callback.

• 4:25Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 4:25Sam Morril?

  JB was saying how much he loves like, you know, setting something up and you bring it back later. I love the end where he blows the dog whistle and the dog, yeah, I love that, so.

• 4:33Mark Normand?

  Was that Car Wash cunt?

• 4:34Sam Morril?

  No.

• 4:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a different one, okay.

• 4:36Sam Morril?

  That's, uh, that's the.

• 4:38Mark Normand?

  Fuck you, you car wash cunt.

• 4:39Sam Morril?

  Same season.

• 4:40Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 4:41Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, we talked a little more and then the only, the only hiccup we had.

• 4:46Mark Normand?

  Okay, a hiccup, finally.

• 4:48Sam Morril?

  Minor hiccup, because I tell the agent, I say, get a picture. Like, I don't want to ask. So you say, oh, we should get a picture with you two. Because he goes, oh, you're, you know, we talked a little about Stan. He goes, you're a stand-up.

• 4:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, you got the stand-up combo.

• 4:59Sam Morril?

  Well, the agent goes, this is a really funny stand-up we represent.

• 5:02Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 5:03Sam Morril?

  So he was like, he smiled and then he goes, where, where you live? And I go, New York. And he kinda, he, he was friendly. But I also didn't want to overstay my welcome, so that was it. And then the agent, let's get a picture of you two. And right as he says that, a mouthful of hummus and celery. And he's like, and he just looked annoyed. I was like, oh, fuck, my moment, my moment. But then he, he swallowed and then he smiled again. I got this.

• 5:23Mark Normand?

  Man, I feel like I licked his toes and you got to fuck him.

• 5:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:27Mark Normand?

  Man, oh, man.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  Is there any chance it's the same agent?

• 5:30Mark Normand?

  It is the same guy.

• 5:31Speaker 02

  The same exact person?

• 5:32Sam Morril?

  Who listened to us talking about it and felt horrible.

• 5:35Mark Normand?

  Good, you fucked me. I hope you feel bad. He, I had the dry run. You got the, the, the real show.

• 5:41Sam Morril?

  I, uh, but I was in and out. I didn't want to, and then the next night I'm at the Comedy Mothership. And guess who's in the green room? Quentin Tarantino.

• 5:48Mark Normand?

  Holy shit.

• 5:49Sam Morril?

  Larry David Wednesday, Tarantino Thursday.

• 5:52Mark Normand?

  Did you see him?

• 5:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I got one laugh and then I walked out.

• 5:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's great.

• 5:56Sam Morril?

  I didn't want to, because he was talking, Adam Egetz in there, Rogan's in there, Tony Hinchcliffe's in there. And I didn't want to, uh, I'm just kind of listening. Because he's there with, you know, Joey did his podcast.

• 6:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, cool.

• 6:07Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, I got one, I got one laugh and then I was like, I'm out of here.

• 6:11Mark Normand?

  Let's, can we hear it or is it offensive?

• 6:13Sam Morril?

  Rogan said something about, uh. Jamal Khashoggi, you know, who got murdered in Saudi Arabia?

• 6:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, right.

• 6:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and I go, yeah, it turns out a journalist in Saudi Arabia, not a good job.

• 6:27Sam Morril?

  Got a Tarantino laugh out of that. Yeah.

• 6:29Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay, okay, okay. I like that guy.

• 6:32Sam Morril?

  But we, I just kind of stayed in the corner and then you kind of see him, he's like so energetic.

• 6:37Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 6:38Sam Morril?

  Doing like characters, he's doing like a performance, he's doing a Joker impression, it was like the worst impression.

• 6:42Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 6:43Sam Morril?

  But it's Tarantino, so we're all just like, uh huh.

• 6:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:46Sam Morril?

  Like, you can tell how much we respect him by how much we're just being like, uh huh.

• 6:50Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure. He's a lot, I hear. But that's so cool. I mean, was he like, let me see your feet?

• 6:56Sam Morril?

  I wish.

• 6:57Mark Normand?

  He loves feet.

• 6:58Sam Morril?

  I know, not my feet. He likes Margot Robbie's feet. Go from Margot Robbie's feet to these.

• 7:03Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 7:04Sam Morril?

  What are you catching salmon with those toes?

• 7:07Mark Normand?

  It's got some talons over here. Sam Talon.

• 7:09Sam Morril?

  And then I did Dr. Phil Live on Friday.

• 7:12Mark Normand?

  Wow, what a week.

• 7:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was pretty fun. We FaceTimed you from the stage.

• 7:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. That was fun. It was a little choppy, unfortunately, because I was in the, I was hiding in the broom closet of a comedy club in Rhode Island. So it was a little choppy, but we pulled it out.

• 7:27Sam Morril?

  We had a good time and, yeah, I mean, he sold out the round. Celebrity Theater in Phoenix. It was a hot show. We had AI Mark Norman come out.

• 7:34Mark Normand?

  Look how beautiful. Hey, look at Corolla's badass.

• 7:37Sam Morril?

  My little Timmy's father.

• 7:41Mark Normand?

  Who's that?

• 7:41Sam Morril?

  Corolla and I got shitfaced. That's.

• 7:43Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 7:44Sam Morril?

  Adam Corolla and I got fucking smashed.

• 7:47Mark Normand?

  How cool is that?

• 7:48Sam Morril?

  We, uh.

• 7:48Mark Normand?

  You in Love Line.

• 7:50Sam Morril?

  There I am laughing.

• 7:51Mark Normand?

  That's great. We'll be right back.

• 7:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but.

• 7:56Mark Normand?

  What's Corolla's drink?

• 7:57Sam Morril?

  He was drinking gin martinis. So we end up at this really cool bar. It's like a, I forgot what it's called, but you get to look up airplane bar in Phoenix. It's like set up to look like everyone's dressed like they're a stewardess or something. And, I mean, we were, I mean, all the comics made fun of me because they were like, you were in like a bear hug with Corolla for three hours. I was like, I'm fucked up.

• 8:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah. He'll, he'll keep you in. He's a talker.

• 8:21Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah. He was, he was unleashing some crazy.

• 8:25Mark Normand?

  This is great.

• 8:25Sam Morril?

  Childhood shit.

• 8:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's got trauma.

• 8:28Sam Morril?

  He's got trauma, for sure.

• 8:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's just a little rabbit pellet.

• 8:33Sam Morril?

  Oh, there's AI Mark Norman.

• 8:34Mark Normand?

  There he is.

• 8:35Sam Morril?

  It killed, dude.

• 8:36Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 8:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, him coming out on the skateboard and then just going like. Fucking killed.

• 8:43Mark Normand?

  I don't get it.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Jeremiah is so funny.

• 8:45Mark Normand?

  He's funny.

• 8:46Sam Morril?

  It's crazy.

• 8:47Mark Normand?

  I love it. Some people are like, "You, you gonna fight that guy? How crazy?" I'm like, "No, I think it's fun."

• 8:52Sam Morril?

  It's an honor.

• 8:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm into it. So, keep going on, Jeremiah.

• 8:56Sam Morril?

  It makes me realize how much of a cartoon character you are. Like, the outfit, like, it all kinda...

• 9:01Mark Normand?

  It all works.

• 9:02Sam Morril?

  It all works.

• 9:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's good at it. I mean, too bad he doesn't have his own act. But, you know, he's great at the, uh... Nah, I'm just kidding. Jeremiah's the man, and, uh, he nails it. He, everything he does, he kills.

• 9:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 9:13Mark Normand?

  So, wow, what a week. Celebrity Theater, Larry David, Quentin Tarantino, the mothership. I mean, you're, you're all over.

• 9:19Sam Morril?

  We did a lot of fun stuff.

• 9:20Mark Normand?

  And podcasts.

• 9:21Sam Morril?

  We did some pods. How about you? How was your, how was, seven shows in Providence, Rhode Island. Classic comedy club. Used to be a bank.

• 9:28Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 9:29Sam Morril?

  And you, I love when you can tell it used to be a bank.

• 9:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 9:32Sam Morril?

  That big, like, that's where the vault was.

• 9:33Mark Normand?

  Right. The green room is in the vault. They still got the big old metal door. But, uh, what, oh, wait, let me, let me run this by ya. Did Tulane University on Tuesday. You went there.

• 9:43Sam Morril?

  About a year and a half, yeah.

• 9:45Mark Normand?

  Also known as Jew Lane.

• 9:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 9:47Mark Normand?

  I did some Hamas jokes. They were like, "Yeah!" It's a whole, it's Larry David's crowd, basically. Uh, then flew in to do a one-nighter with List in Jersey.

• 9:58Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 9:59Mark Normand?

  Got home at 1:00 AM, had a 7:00 AM flight to Nashville.

• 10:02Sam Morril?

  Hell.

• 10:03Mark Normand?

  Hell. And, uh, the fumes are kicking in. I'm like, Tulane to Jersey to Nashville.

• 10:09Sam Morril?

  Cause we can't say no. I feel sick right now. Cause we just keep moving.

• 10:13Mark Normand?

  Well, it was Jelly Roll's Roast, and I was like, "Ah, Whitney, Tony, Burt, uh, Big Jay, Adam Ray." It was like a who's who, and I was like, "I wanna be a part of that." And, and you start thinking, "I just gotta get on a plane. All I gotta do is sit with a, with a suitcase. How hard is it, how hard can it be?" But it's, it's the waking up, it's the, the drinking, it's the no sleep. And so, it was hell, but... Got to Nashville on no sleep. I'm burning the midnight oil. Bert goes, "You want to do Something's Burning?" I can't say no. I go, "Let's do it." The roast is until eight.

• 10:47Sam Morril?

  Who was it with?

• 10:47Mark Normand?

  It was me and Big Jay.

• 10:48Sam Morril?

  That's fun.

• 10:49Mark Normand?

  And Bert got a big Airbnb. We made Nashville hot chicken. We started drinking immediately.

• 10:54Sam Morril?

  Did he nail it too?

• 10:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he really killed it, actually. It was good.

• 10:57Sam Morril?

  Bert is a good cook.

• 10:58Mark Normand?

  He can cook, if you don't mind, uh, uh, no, no hand washing. Hey, speaking of no hand washing, that's a hell of a sandwich.

• 11:06Sam Morril?

  This is who I want to see on the holidays.

• 11:07Mark Normand?

  Howdy, sailor.

• 11:09Sam Morril?

  Good to see you, man.

• 11:09Mark Normand?

  You look great.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  Thanks, man.

• 11:11Mark Normand?

  What are you, cut, cut back on the sauce?

• 11:13Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 11:18Mark Normand?

  You're good. You're good.

• 11:19Speaker 03

  Right off the fucking.

• 11:20Sam Morril?

  What an entrance. This is like the most depressing sitcom. No, it's a day.

• 11:23Mark Normand?

  Whatever.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  Uh, no, no, um, uh, just eating better. Good to see you, buddy.

• 11:29Mark Normand?

  You too.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Uh, just eating better and testosterone.

• 11:32Mark Normand?

  Hell, oh, you're on the T?

• 11:33Sam Morril?

  Everyone's on it.

• 11:34Mark Normand?

  Woo!

• 11:34Speaker 03

  Minimal exercise.

• 11:36Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  Minimal exercise.

• 11:38Mark Normand?

  That was one of my jokes at the roast. We had Bert with no shirt on and Tony, and I said, "No T to low T."

• 11:44Sam Morril?

  How, how was it? How was the, uh?

• 11:46Mark Normand?

  Well, I just, I did Jelly Rolls roast on Wednesday. Okay, the breath, that bad?

• 11:52Speaker 03

  It's like, I can't, no, but I can't like, I'm turning like this way.

• 11:55Mark Normand?

  I see.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 11:56Mark Normand?

  Can we get it? We got a frame on that? He's got a wide torso.

• 12:00Sam Morril?

  So you did Jelly Rolls roast?

• 12:02Mark Normand?

  Jelly Rolls roast, and it was a real Who's Who at Zany's sold out. Kid Rock is in the fucking rafters and Cole Hauser, the guy from, uh, Westwood.

• 12:11Sam Morril?

  Yellowstone.

• 12:12Mark Normand?

  Yellowstone, that's it.

• 12:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:14Mark Normand?

  And it was like, uh, you know, a lot of, a lot of people there. And Jelly Rolls onstage. I was drunk from Something's Burning, and I didn't really prepare that much. I bombed my face off, and I had like a...

• 12:27Sam Morril?

  Like straight wall-to-wall bomb?

• 12:29Mark Normand?

  I got a couple chuckles on the bomb, like how bad I'm... This was going horribly. That was, I got some save lines.

• 12:34Sam Morril?

  You and Andy Kindler.

• 12:36Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 12:37Sam Morril?

  That sucked.

• 12:37Mark Normand?

  Look at me, I'm like, look, I'm trying to look at my notes, I'm drunk. Um, that's after I went on.

• 12:44Sam Morril?

  Was that his wife?

• 12:45Mark Normand?

  That's his wife.

• 12:45Sam Morril?

  Okay, there's Jelly.

• 12:46Mark Normand?

  Never a good sign when you're looking at your notes after you go on. Because I'm like, "Where did I go wrong?" I fucking died. I apologized to Jelly Roll. It's, it's pretty humiliating because all your comic friends are on stage with you like, what's going on? What are you doing?

• 12:59Speaker 03

  Did anybody else struggle?

• 13:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 13:02Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. So it wasn't like-

• 13:03Sam Morril?

  Who had the worst set of the night?

• 13:04Mark Normand?

  I don't wanna say. I would tell you if I didn't bomb that bad, but one guy had a real-

• 13:09Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 13:09Speaker 03

  Can we, can you say it and bleep it?

• 13:11Sam Morril?

  I know who it is already. I'm-

• 13:12Mark Normand?

  You already know.

• 13:12Sam Morril?

  I was just trying to poke him.

• 13:13Mark Normand?

  You, you saw the dais. Oh, there's the guy from Yellowstone.

• 13:18Speaker 03

  No, honestly, I, who, I'm really, I, I don't-

• 13:21Mark Normand?

  Chris Porter killed, oh, what's it, Will Compton did better than me. He's an athlete.

• 13:27Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna- He went on to Will from-

• 13:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, he did great, actually.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  I'm gonna point, but don't show it.

• 13:33Mark Normand?

  Okay, I mean, I think you know.

• 13:36Speaker 03

  Just say the name and he'll believe it.

• 13:38Mark Normand?

  You got it.

• 13:40Mark Normand?

  He had a bit of a meltdown, but I had one of those bombs where- Oh, sorry.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  Never mind.

• 13:45Sam Morril?

  No, just saying.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  No, I'm gonna make it, no, no, no, because if I say what I'm gonna say, I'm gonna start giving clues away.

• 13:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

• 13:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

• 13:52Mark Normand?

  He killed, he did a, he did, let me do what a Jelly Roll song every one of them is, and he sang it and it broke down his, his structure and it was great.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  Chris is amazing.

• 14:01Mark Normand?

  He's so underrated, Chris Porter.

• 14:03Sam Morril?

  Funny dude.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:04Mark Normand?

  Funny dude, cool dude.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  And when he first came out, he looked like, he looked like a fucking hippie.

• 14:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  He had like long hair and he would wear like bell bottoms and shit.

• 14:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's right.

• 14:13Sam Morril?

  He had a great bit about like, you know, why, why the environment's fucked, it's because women won't bang guys who ride the bus.

• 14:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's great.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  That's a great angle.

• 14:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 14:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's really funny. He did, um, oh, it was, it was on Fully Loaded. I was there when you guys weren't there, but the week I was on, Chris came and did one of the shows and he like, leveled.

• 14:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:35Speaker 03

  Jesus Christ, man.

• 14:36Mark Normand?

  He's a pro.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's awesome.

• 14:37Mark Normand?

  He had had that old joke about, uh, drinking and smoking, like, you don't have to drink when you smoke, but you gotta smoke when you drink. It's kinda like how you don't have to pee, you could pee without shitting, but when you're shitting, you gotta pee.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  It's like Dirty Seinfeld.

• 14:52Mark Normand?

  I fucked it up, but it's a great analogy. He also seems to be like an ugly Willy Wonka. That was the first bit.

• 14:59Speaker 03

  Is that Okerson in the back there?

• 15:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Okerson. Let me, let me, let me give Okerson, as the kids say, his flowers.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:05Mark Normand?

  He didn't know it was a roast. He thought it was just like a happy birthday party. So he went up and winged it à la Patrice O'Neal at the Charlie Sheen roast.

• 15:14Speaker 03

  Really?

• 15:14Mark Normand?

  And crushed.

• 15:15Speaker 03

  What did he, like, how'd he wing it?

• 15:17Mark Normand?

  He's just like, he was just completely honest. Like, I didn't know this was a roast, but uh, this is how I feel about Tony. This is how I feel about Whitney. This is how I feel about Jelly Roll. And it was crushing.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  Do you remember the lines?

• 15:28Mark Normand?

  I don't. I, I, all I remember is Whitney, he's like, Whitney had like a tank top on. He goes, I know you just had a kid, but you brought the twins. That's all I can remember.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 15:37Mark Normand?

  But, oh, Adam Ray crushed too.

• 15:38Speaker 03

  Yeah. That's great.

• 15:40Sam Morril?

  People, by the way, people are gonna do the math to figure out how this.

• 15:43Mark Normand?

  Oh shit, you're right.

• 15:44Sam Morril?

  He's going down the list. This guy was great. This guy was great. We haven't heard one name.

• 15:48Mark Normand?

  Whitney annihilated. Whitney might have had the best stuff. Bert said he flew with her from uh, LA and she was riding the whole time. Six hours of just, you know.

• 15:58Sam Morril?

  Well, Mark and I, just so you guys know, uh, the 27th of December, Netflix roast of the, of the year, whatever it's called.

• 16:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, roast of 2024.

• 16:08Sam Morril?

  We might be making a huge mistake. Oh, this might be great. We're gonna go up together and do like, we're gonna do like a dark weekend update type.

• 16:15Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 16:15Speaker 03

  That's fun.

• 16:16Sam Morril?

  But we're gonna, I think we're gonna, we're gonna work it out tonight at the cellar. We'll, we'll figure it out. You, you said you got a ton of topical shit.

• 16:21Mark Normand?

  I gotta, I, I need to organize it, but I, I got a lot of it.

• 16:24Sam Morril?

  But I got a lot too.

• 16:25Speaker 03

  That's fun. That's fun. What is it? It's the roast of the year? It's just like you roast the year?

• 16:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Diddy, Haktua.

• 16:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:32Mark Normand?

  Luigi.

• 16:33Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah. Well, yeah, Luigi. This fucking city.

• 16:37Mark Normand?

  I know. We gotta talk about Luigi. Oh, I guess it's pretty, pretty topical.

• 16:40Speaker 03

  Well, I've been, I've been, I've been back for three days, two days. I've been furious. From the second I stepped into the city.

• 16:47Mark Normand?

  This city can rape you right in the ass.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  When you're, when you're gone for a while and you come back, you really, it really shines a light on how bad you're getting fucked.

• 16:56Mark Normand?

  Hundred percent.

• 16:57Speaker 03

  From every angle. I mean, dude, I called, called a bicyclist a cunt today.

• 17:01Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 17:01Speaker 03

  Guy almost hit me on his bike. I was like, fuckin' cunt, like, I'm paying seventy dollars a day to park my fucking car.

• 17:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:08Speaker 03

  It's just ridiculous.

• 17:09Mark Normand?

  It's drizzling and cold.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, but I was on DiStefano's pod yesterday and I was bitching about it.

• 17:15Sam Morril?

  The guy who bailed on us today.

• 17:16Mark Normand?

  He's supposed to be here, that fucking.

• 17:17Speaker 03

  He's supposed to be here.

• 17:18Mark Normand?

  Dirty Guinea.

• 17:19Sam Morril?

  He, he, he bailed this morning. I didn't even know he was coming because I didn't know you were coming. We, Matt wouldn't tell us the guests, so it was like a surprise.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  Oh, you didn't know I was coming until I walked in?

• 17:28Sam Morril?

  No.

• 17:28Mark Normand?

  No, it was a sad story.

• 17:30Speaker 03

  God, you really didn't fucking, you acted with zero react. You acted like you knew I was coming for days.

• 17:36Mark Normand?

  We knew, we knew.

• 17:37Sam Morril?

  I found out today.

• 17:37Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 17:37Sam Morril?

  I found out today because he told, he told us that Chris, and I was like, well, who's coming? So we found out today. But, uh, yeah, Chris called me the other day. Like, we talked on the phone for a while and he's like, can't wait to see you next week. So I was like, oh, great. So now I'm like disappointed. Anyway, fuck you, Chris.

• 17:51Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 17:52Sam Morril?

  His daughter's sick. Your partner doesn't work. She could have, she could have carried the lifting.

• 17:56Speaker 03

  His daughter is definitely sick.

• 17:58Sam Morril?

  Alright, I'm sorry. I hope she feels better.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  He told me yesterday he got puked on by his kid.

• 18:02Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  So his daughter really is sick, so maybe it's bad. But we were bitch, I was bitching about how expensive this fucking, I was like, it's out of control. You, you, you live in an airport at this point.

• 18:11Mark Normand?

  It's bad.

• 18:11Speaker 03

  It's so expensive. I go, you wanna know how expensive this fucking city is? The CEO that got murdered was staying in a Hilton.

• 18:16Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 18:17Speaker 03

  It's so fucking ridiculous the city's become.

• 18:23Mark Normand?

  That's hilarious.

• 18:24Sam Morril?

  That's great. You sell your soul to stay in a fucking airport hotel.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:28Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 18:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you know what's Veeder, have you heard Veeder's bit?

• 18:32Sam Morril?

  What'd he say?

• 18:32Mark Normand?

  About it? He's like, they, they went to his hotel room, they found no DNA. He's like, you go to my hotel room, there's DNA on the ceiling, whatever.

• 18:39Speaker 03

  That's funny.

• 18:39Sam Morril?

  That's good.

• 18:40Mark Normand?

  Funny take.

• 18:40Speaker 03

  That's funny. He's a funny kid, dude.

• 18:42Mark Normand?

  He's a good kid.

• 18:43Speaker 03

  Little Gary. So what's going on? Where's, we're not drinking? I thought it was the we drink podcast.

• 18:47Mark Normand?

  He's in a bad way.

• 18:48Sam Morril?

  I'm sick.

• 18:48Mark Normand?

  I'll have one with you.

• 18:49Speaker 03

  Are you sick, sick?

• 18:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I've got COVID.

• 18:52Speaker 03

  No, no, no. Are you sick like you're hungover or are you like sick?

• 18:54Sam Morril?

  No, I'm, I have, I'm run down. I've been on the, been like four cities.

• 18:57Speaker 03

  But you don't have like, you don't have like the flu, you, oh, you just mean like you're, you feel like shit?

• 19:00Mark Normand?

  I'm with you.

• 19:01Sam Morril?

  Feel like shit.

• 19:01Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 19:02Mark Normand?

  It'll be nice if we got some eggnog.

• 19:04Speaker 03

  I went

• 19:05Sam Morril?

  Maybe I'll have one if we do.

• 19:05Speaker 03

  I went a little fucking crazy these last two nights. My last show of the year was Saturday. And I came right from Somerville, Massachusetts to New York.

• 19:13Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  And Sunday, basically, I was like, this, alright, Christmas has started, let's go.

• 19:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  And, uh, I'm gonna get, I can feel it, like, I'm gonna get sick when I go home.

• 19:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  I went.

• 19:23Sam Morril?

  I knew it was coming. I saw my routing, I was like, I'm fucked.

• 19:27Mark Normand?

  But, you can go right to your own bar. That's gotta feel pretty good.

• 19:31Speaker 03

  I went the last two nights.

• 19:33Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 19:33Speaker 03

  And I went both nights, like, close to close. And like, just, you know, it's great.

• 19:38Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 19:39Speaker 03

  You go in at that time, it's awesome. Cause then you're like, you know, you take it over.

• 19:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  It's fucking, you know, they'll obviously stay open late for me.

• 19:46Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 19:48Speaker 03

  You know, it's just me and the, you know, whoever I'm with, my boys.

• 19:50Mark Normand?

  Did they give you a better reaction than we did when you walk in?

• 19:52Speaker 03

  Much better.

• 19:53Mark Normand?

  Ah, shit.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  Much, much better.

• 19:54Sam Morril?

  A lot of it's, I feel like shit. I am very happy to see you.

• 19:57Speaker 03

  I'm happy to see you too. Yeah.

• 19:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:59Speaker 03

  Speaking of, uh, uh, uh, parties and party, whatever, I didn't get fucking invited to the Bodak, you can't think.

• 20:05Mark Normand?

  You were out of town.

• 20:06Speaker 03

  I got no invite.

• 20:07Mark Normand?

  You weren't here.

• 20:08Speaker 03

  I wasn't, but still.

• 20:09Mark Normand?

  Well, you're in Philly, we knew you were in Philly.

• 20:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, we knew you weren't there. Ah, maybe I would take the trip, baby.

• 20:13Sam Morril?

  What do you really?

• 20:14Speaker 03

  I don't know, you never know.

• 20:15Mark Normand?

  Well, we'd love to have you.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  You know, I love a party.

• 20:17Sam Morril?

  Make an awesome first impression with Chubbies. Their flannel overshirt, looks like a flannel, but feels like a fleece. So it'll take you from picking out Christmas tree to watching Hallmark movies on the couch. Everything Chubbies makes is ridiculously comfortable and will have you looking and feeling great. Yeah, these are comfy. I mean, not just their shirts, but I love the pants. They look good, they fit well. I wear them all the time. I get compliments on them. People are like, where'd you get those pants? And I go to fucking Chubbies, you idiot.

• 20:44Mark Normand?

  Love Chubbies.

• 20:45Sam Morril?

  Whether you're buying a, whether you're buying for yourself or giving a gift, Chubbies has what you need this winter. Go to their website for the best deals of the year. It's comfy, it looks good, it's a great combo. Our friends at Chubbies are giving our listeners 20% off with code DRUNK20 at checkout. ChubbiesShorts.com, that's 20% off your order with code DRUNK20. Support the show and tell them we sent you. This holiday season, gift yourself and your loved ones, Chubbies.

• 21:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. We might be joined by Shopify. You've got an online shop, but it's not working for you. Switch to Shopify and have a stress-free experience. Nobody does selling better than Shopify. Their number one checkout on the planet. They've even got Shop Pay that allows your customers to save their payment and shipping info and boost conversions up to 50%. Businesses that sell more, sell on Shopify. That's all there is to it. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout that Jim Shark uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com/Drunk, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com/Drunk to upgrade your selling today.

• 21:53Mark Normand?

  Shopify.com/Drunk. This is for you. Happy Holidays, oh baby.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  Hey guys.

• 22:03Mark Normand?

  What do you got there, brewskis?

• 22:05Speaker 04

  All the brewskis.

• 22:06Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 22:07Speaker 04

  The North Pole, ice cold.

• 22:08Mark Normand?

  Alright, I'll take a big ol' sip.

• 22:11Speaker 05

  And we got a plate of rugula.

• 22:13Mark Normand?

  Ah, who to who?

• 22:15Speaker 05

  Rugula?

• 22:16Mark Normand?

  Rugula.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  Rugula.

• 22:17Mark Normand?

  Rugula.

• 22:18Speaker 03

  Rugula.

• 22:18Mark Normand?

  Rugula.

• 22:19Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 22:20Mark Normand?

  Okay, thank you.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  Where did you just come from?

• 22:23Mark Normand?

  The North Pole.

• 22:26Mark Normand?

  How you doing there? That's a Jewish Santa.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  I thought that was Stav. We couldn't get Stav, so this is...

• 22:35Speaker 04

  Yes, Santa brings his sack. Happy Holidays.

• 22:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, what's in the sack there?

• 22:39Speaker 04

  Uh, presents.

• 22:40Mark Normand?

  Woo.

• 22:42Speaker 04

  Good boys and girls.

• 22:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, you sound like P. Diddy.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  Nice. Do we really get a present?

• 22:46Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 22:48Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  Well, break 'em out, Sam.

• 22:49Mark Normand?

  And hand me a rugula, will you there, Jew face? Look at this guy.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  He just takes out a ghost gun and shoots us. See a fucking present, you piece of shit?

• 22:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, thank you there, JoJo. I'll take one.

• 22:59Speaker 03

  I thought you said arugula. It was like, like lettuce. I was like, wait, what?

• 23:04Mark Normand?

  What do you call this?

• 23:05Speaker 03

  Rugula.

• 23:05Mark Normand?

  Rugula.

• 23:06Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 23:07Speaker 04

  Merry Christmas.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Let's see what I got here.

• 23:09Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 23:10Speaker 03

  Come on, you just giving me their swag?

• 23:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, hey, thank you.

• 23:15Speaker 03

  I could've got this without, if it wasn't Christmas.

• 23:17Mark Normand?

  That's true. They gotta give you something.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 23:20Mark Normand?

  Want some rugula?

• 23:21Speaker 03

  Um, no. What is it? I don't know what it is.

• 23:23Mark Normand?

  A Jewish foreskin.

• 23:28Speaker 03

  That's what they do with it.

• 23:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:29Speaker 03

  They fill it with chocolate. Good dude. It looks good, I'm just not in the mood for sweets.

• 23:34Mark Normand?

  Get this man a whiskey.

• 23:36Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 23:36Mark Normand?

  Thank you. Ho, ho, ho.

• 23:38Speaker 04

  Happy Holidays.

• 23:40Mark Normand?

  You don't have any eggnog?

• 23:42Speaker 03

  What kind of beer is it?

• 23:43Sam Morril?

  It's Travis Kelsey's beer. Garage beer.

• 23:47Speaker 03

  Uh, nah, I might do a whiskey or something.

• 23:49Mark Normand?

  I'll do a couple of swigs of the Travis Kelsey horse piss.

• 23:52Speaker 03

  You guys have any bourbon? Cause you guys make, only make rye, right?

• 23:55Mark Normand?

  We got a ton of bourbon.

• 23:56Sam Morril?

  We got bourbon.

• 23:57Mark Normand?

  We got tequila, we got vodka.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  Can I have a bourbon on the rocks? What happened? Do you have a bartender in here? What's going on? Is operations falling apart?

• 24:05Mark Normand?

  Christmas holiday. He took off.

• 24:07Speaker 03

  Stefano didn't show up.

• 24:09Mark Normand?

  He was shot in.

• 24:09Sam Morril?

  That one, Stefano, that was hurtful.

• 24:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's.

• 24:14Sam Morril?

  And no Yanis either? Yanis bailed too, apparently?

• 24:17Speaker 03

  The, wait, who was texting me? Was that you, Sal?

• 24:20Sam Morril?

  Mm-mm. Peters.

• 24:21Speaker 03

  Oh, Peters. He texted me at like 12:30. He was like, please tell me you're still coming. They're dropping off like flies, man. Everybody's canceled. I was like, yeah, I'm coming, man, so.

• 24:31Sam Morril?

  Something we did this around the real holidays. What the hell?

• 24:34Speaker 03

  I think I did your last Christmas show.

• 24:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you're, you're definitely a Christmas guest.

• 24:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was me and Gillis, wasn't it? And Etelle?

• 24:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:42Speaker 03

  We got loaded. Then we went to fucking, that's the night we went to, uh,

• 24:45Mark Normand?

  Steakhouse.

• 24:46Speaker 03

  Uh, Jack's or whatever the fuck it's called.

• 24:47Sam Morril?

  Old Homestead.

• 24:48Mark Normand?

  Homestead.

• 24:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we got fucking lit.

• 24:50Mark Normand?

  We got the Jew, we need the Grinch.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  By the way, we had another big guest bail last minute.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  Who?

• 24:57Speaker 02

  It was gonna be a big surprise. He was gonna come out of a box. The Rizler.

• 25:01Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 25:02Speaker 02

  Bailed on us today.

• 25:03Speaker 03

  No, he didn't.

• 25:04Speaker 02

  He did, so I brought my kid.

• 25:05Mark Normand?

  Nah, he's not fat enough.

• 25:07Sam Morril?

  Why did the, why did the one for bail?

• 25:09Speaker 02

  Not to be.

• 25:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, the Rizler bailed?

• 25:11Sam Morril?

  Yep. Why did the Rizler bail?

• 25:13Speaker 02

  I have homework? I don't know.

• 25:15Mark Normand?

  Maybe he got shot?

• 25:15Speaker 02

  Oh, who's the Rizler? Stand by.

• 25:17Mark Normand?

  Who's the Rizler? Boy, you've been living in a cave there.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  Who the hell was on Rizler? That guy?

• 25:23Mark Normand?

  The fat kid who does the.

• 25:24Sam Morril?

  Pull up him rapping so we understand.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  This kid, come on.

• 25:27Mark Normand?

  Feet on the floor.

• 25:28Speaker 03

  This kid was gonna come, are you sure?

• 25:30Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 25:33Speaker 04

  Thank you for being here. Now, you're, you're known for, uh, for the, the Riz face.

• 25:41Mark Normand?

  This kid's getting laid like you wouldn't believe. I heard he fucked Kate Beckinsale.

• 25:47Speaker 03

  Guys, what is this world?

• 25:50Speaker 03

  You get a 12-year-old influencer on Fallon?

• 25:52Mark Normand?

  I know. He's that big. He's that big. Thank you.

• 25:56Sam Morril?

  We'll have the picture of me with the...

• 25:57Speaker 03

  Oh, right, yeah.

• 25:59Mark Normand?

  Sam's a huge fan.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, the Tonight Show used to have like Jack Nicholson and Sinatra on it. This is fucking crazy.

• 26:05Mark Normand?

  I know. He's got his own Bitcoin.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 26:09Mark Normand?

  Look at that little fucking nugget.

• 26:11Sam Morril?

  That's great.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  This guy stood us up.

• 26:13Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 26:14Sam Morril?

  This is rough.

• 26:15Mark Normand?

  He's pretty big.

• 26:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you know what? Stephano's one thing with the Rizler is a star.

• 26:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true.

• 26:21Sam Morril?

  Fucking tough.

• 26:22Mark Normand?

  Man, we had Jay-Z too, but he's gotten some trouble.

• 26:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah. So he was gonna bring the Rizler out of it. We would have opened a gift and the Rizler would have popped out of a box and done the Riz fit.

• 26:30Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 26:31Sam Morril?

  It would have been the best Christmas ever.

• 26:33Mark Normand?

  You should have told him about the candy we had.

• 26:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 26:35Mark Normand?

  You would have showed.

• 26:36Sam Morril?

  They got the...

• 26:37Mark Normand?

  The ruggala and the cookies?

• 26:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the ruggala.

• 26:40Speaker 03

  The, um, that's wow. Yeah, no, I was asking all these, because you never know. There's a lot of these kids on the internet and then...

• 26:45Sam Morril?

  Andy Milonakis, that type of thing.

• 26:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, you think it's like a kid and he's like, "I'm 47." "I have a rare condition."

• 26:52Mark Normand?

  The Benjamin Buttons.

• 26:53Sam Morril?

  If a pedophile gets a guy like that, do you think he feels worse or is he like, "Thank God"?

• 26:57Mark Normand?

  I think that's their trans. They're like, "Oh, I got pulled the rug out."

• 27:00Sam Morril?

  You're right.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  Wait, if what happened?

• 27:02Sam Morril?

  If a pedo gets one of those like fake kids.

• 27:04Mark Normand?

  It's like a lady boy.

• 27:05Sam Morril?

  Are they upset or are they kinda like?

• 27:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:07Sam Morril?

  "I dodged a bullet," right?

• 27:08Speaker 03

  No, I know. I think they're...

• 27:10Sam Morril?

  They're probably upset.

• 27:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think it's, you know, I think the danger is half of what it is.

• 27:15Mark Normand?

  Oh, you think?

• 27:16Speaker 03

  With pedophiles. It's well with most sex offenders of any kind. Because like Cosby was a great example. I always said about Cosby, I was like, "I don't understand, like, he's so rich. Why wouldn't he just tell a woman what he's into?"

• 27:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:29Speaker 03

  And be like, "Look, sign this thing that says, 'You know I'm gonna drug you. And if you're into it, then you drink this, you're gonna pass out, I'm gonna bang you."

• 27:36Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  But if people are like, "No, that's, that's not what he gets off on." He gets... Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so, you know.

• 27:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cuz he could get laid. Obviously, he was America's dad.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  Did you ever see Little Children? Did you ever see that movie?

• 27:47Mark Normand?

  No.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  It's a very disturbing movie, but uh, well, it's got disturbing parts. Overall, it's not terrible.

• 27:53Mark Normand?

  Okay, pull it up.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  Anyway, that's the movie that Jackie, remember the kid, the guy Jackie Haley was in the Bad News Bears? He made that weird comeback.

• 28:00Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  This was the movie that he got nominated for.

• 28:02Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  But he pays a pedophile in it, and one of the things he says to this woman who's of age is like, "You're not gonna tell on me, right? You're not gonna tell on me." Because like, that's part of like, what they get off.

• 28:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:15Speaker 03

  Like, you know, "It's our secret," you know?

• 28:16Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  All that shit, so.

• 28:18Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, I just, I just read this book. Let me make sure I remember the name, so I can write. There's a hard rack right here. Big time rack. It's called A Murder in Hollywood: The Untold Story of Tinseltown's Most Shocking Crime. Casey Sherman. Lana Turner, man. She dated the worst fucking people on the planet. This actress. It's about like Mickey Cohn and this gangster John Stupinato. One of the guys she dates, I forgot his name. It's Lex something. He was like a, he was a movie star back then. He's raping her daughter.

• 28:45Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 28:46Sam Morril?

  For two years behind her back from, she was 10 to 12.

• 28:49Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 28:49Sam Morril?

  And he didn't even get in trouble for it.

• 28:50Mark Normand?

  What?

• 28:51Sam Morril?

  Why didn't he get in trouble? He got away and it was kinda like, I don't know, she was a bad mom on top of it. I mean, she also, uh, she was dating this gangster, John Stupinato, and he beat the shit out of her for like, years. Crazy story about this. This gangster's beating the crap out of her. He's jealous. He's like Mickey Cohn's guy. He's super dangerous.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Jesus.

• 29:09Sam Morril?

  But he, you know, they would trick people. Mickey Cohn and, uh, Stupinato, they would videotape celebrities in compromising positions.

• 29:16Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 29:17Sam Morril?

  And they would blackmail them. So you get like Cary Grant maybe doing some gay shit.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  Right.

• 29:20Sam Morril?

  And you're like, "Well, end your career."

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Right.

• 29:22Sam Morril?

  So, anyway, she's shooting a movie in, I think, England, and the young star is Sean Connery.

• 29:29Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 29:30Sam Morril?

  Who's like, "Holy shit." This is like his big break.

• 29:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:33Sam Morril?

  But no one knows who the fuck he is, but this gangster's jealous. They're like, "Wow, the rumors they're hooking up."

• 29:37Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 29:38Sam Morril?

  And he's like, "I'm gonna kill this guy." So he just walks up to Connery, puts a gun to his fucking chest, and goes, "I don't want, I don't wanna see you on the set again." Connery grabs the gun, knocks him onto the ground, punches him in the face, and the guy ran away. I'm like, "Holy shit." Sean Connery, man.

• 29:51Mark Normand?

  Wow. Nice to hear he didn't hit a woman.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, that crazy interview.

• 29:56Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 29:57Speaker 03

  You ever seen when he doubles down on it?

• 29:58Mark Normand?

  Yes. I love it.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, she interviews him like, five years later. He's like, "I haven't, uh, changed my mind."

• 30:04Speaker 03

  Holy shit.

• 30:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah. He's a badass in every, in every way.

• 30:08Speaker 03

  Pull up the guy's name who was molesting Lana Turner. I want to make sure we know his fucking name, so I'm, you know.

• 30:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's Scottish. Scots don't fuck around.

• 30:16Speaker 03

  Lex something Lana, just put Lex Lana Turner. I forgot it. I feel, yeah, I should know his fucking.

• 30:21Mark Normand?

  I did a gig in Glasgow and there was a stabbing like right outside my theater.

• 30:25Speaker 03

  Really?

• 30:26Mark Normand?

  It's a, Scotland's wild.

• 30:28Sam Morril?

  There is Johnny Stompanato.

• 30:29Speaker 03

  No, that's not, that's a gangster.

• 30:31Mark Normand?

  Stompanato.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, Scotland is, is kinda nuts.

• 30:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:35Speaker 03

  Everybody's really nice, but there's like a really wild side to it. It's like Ireland. Everybody's nice, but then like there's this wild side.

• 30:42Mark Normand?

  Totally, totally.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  The sun goes down, people start going fucking crazy.

• 30:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Big stabby, big drug place.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude, I was in, uh, uh, Ireland in Galway.

• 30:55Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  And I was in an Uber and this guy was like, he was wasted. He was like swerving all over the place, whatever.

• 31:02Mark Normand?

  The driver?

• 31:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  And then the next night I was in another Uber and I was talking to the Uber driver and he's like, you know, have you enjoyed your stay getting around town? Okay. And I go, well, my Uber driver last night, I think he was drunk. He was swerving everywhere. And he goes, no, we don't do that anymore. But he said it like,

• 31:16Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 31:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's just how we used to roll. He was like, but we try not to do that.

• 31:19Sam Morril?

  You know how the hell that goes?

• 31:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:21Sam Morril?

  Those cab drivers would be just having like a fucking daiquiri or something, you know?

• 31:25Speaker 03

  Are you serious?

• 31:26Sam Morril?

  They do to-go cocktails.

• 31:29Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 31:29Sam Morril?

  What do you think that's, it's not just for walking. People pull up and like, yeah, I'll have a, I'll have a pina colada.

• 31:33Speaker 03

  The, uh, the street in my town, the main street, right up my house, uh, in the summertime, it starts on Memorial Day and it goes until,

• 31:44Speaker 03

  like I think like Halloween.

• 31:45Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 31:46Speaker 03

  Every weekend, 6:00 PM, road is shut down. You can't drive down it until Monday morning.

• 31:53Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  Open container. Bars all have carts outside, they're selling Jell-O shots in the street.

• 32:00Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 32:01Speaker 03

  Awesome.

• 32:01Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  It's awesome. You know, it's this quaint little beautiful street.

• 32:05Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 32:05Speaker 03

  And they're just like, "Let's party, it's the summertime, let's go." It's so fucking fun.

• 32:08Mark Normand?

  Covid was like that. Remember Covid was in New York, they were like, "Fuck it, drink outside."

• 32:13Speaker 03

  That's when they started doing it.

• 32:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, there you go.

• 32:15Speaker 03

  And the town kept it. You know what would've been a real party?

• 32:17Sam Morril?

  If the Rizler showed up.

• 32:18Mark Normand?

  Ahhh. In a box.

• 32:23Sam Morril?

  Rizler.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  I mean, what do you do with them though, after he makes the face one time? You gotta sit here and talk to the kid.

• 32:27Mark Normand?

  You have to.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  Like, what do you do?

• 32:29Mark Normand?

  What else, what other option do you have? You have to, that's what the subway guy did.

• 32:32Sam Morril?

  You know, guys who are so bad at kids, they don't know what else to do.

• 32:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:37Speaker 03

  I mean, could there be anything worse than a kid with money?

• 32:40Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 32:42Speaker 03

  I mean, could you imagine the attitude on this fucking kid?

• 32:44Mark Normand?

  I mean, Richie Rich.

• 32:45Speaker 03

  Look at the way he was sitting on Fallon.

• 32:46Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 32:47Speaker 03

  He looked like he deserved to be there. It's like, "Yeah, of course I'm fucking here." What do you, you know, like, this is insane.

• 32:53Sam Morril?

  Rizler's the star.

• 32:56Mark Normand?

  That's gonna come and go. He's gonna get young diabetes and he's gonna fizzle out.

• 33:00Sam Morril?

  He's gonna age well, man. Fuck you.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  Is that his family next to him?

• 33:04Sam Morril?

  No, that's the, yeah, they're like-

• 33:05Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 33:05Sam Morril?

  They're like-

• 33:06Speaker 02

  No, it's the Costco family.

• 33:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's the star. The Rizler's the big dog.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  What's-

• 33:11Mark Normand?

  What's the Costco?

• 33:12Sam Morril?

  Get him wrapped.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  I'll bring up Costco next.

• 33:14Sam Morril?

  Pull up his holiday wrap, dude. Don't act like the Rizler, DeRosa, you rap. Don't act like the Rizler doesn't have bars here. Pull up his, his holiday wrap.

• 33:22Mark Normand?

  He's got one move.

• 33:24Sam Morril?

  I don't know, I don't know, he's got range, dude.

• 33:26Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 33:28Speaker 02

  Is this directed by a homeless pimp? I think it is. No?

• 33:33Mark Normand?

  How many views does this have?

• 33:37Mark Normand?

  Alright, 69K.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  Who's that guy?

• 33:41Speaker 03

  Who's the other guy?

• 33:42Sam Morril?

  They're gonna be playing this in the club, dude.

• 33:44Mark Normand?

  I mean, this is why the terrorists hate us. Can you imagine Al Qaeda watching this?

• 33:49Sam Morril?

  This guy looks like the shooter.

• 33:50Mark Normand?

  He does.

• 33:54Speaker 02

  No, I wanna hear Riz rap.

• 33:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, get to the Riz.

• 33:58Mark Normand?

  Is this copyrighted?

• 34:01Speaker 02

  Come on, Riz.

• 34:10Mark Normand?

  This kid's fucking hotter women than all of us. That's the worst part about it.

• 34:15Mark Normand?

  How old is he, 12?

• 34:18Mark Normand?

  Nooo. With that much charisma? Please.

• 34:31Speaker 03

  What's that mean?

• 34:32Mark Normand?

  Condor versus the what?

• 34:33Speaker 03

  Versus the what?

• 34:34Mark Normand?

  The UK?

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Third grade, so he is...

• 34:38Speaker 03

  Wait, what did he say? Condor versus UK? I'll see.

• 34:41Mark Normand?

  Anyone else hard?

• 34:46Speaker 03

  That was a good line.

• 34:47Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  No, I like it.

• 34:55Speaker 03

  That's a good line. Light up the block, call me Clark Griswold. That's a good line.

• 34:58Mark Normand?

  He don't even know who Griswold is!

• 35:00Speaker 03

  Nah. He's DeRosa approved, though, right?

• 35:02Mark Normand?

  Nahhh.

• 35:03Speaker 03

  DeRosa wanted to hate the Rizler, but even he can't resist his charm.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's a kid. He's a nice kid.

• 35:08Mark Normand?

  He's gotta watch out, though. He sounds like, uh, Marlon Brando in the later years. He's got the fat guy throat thing going on.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  You come to my house, you don't bring a Snickers?

• 35:21Mark Normand?

  The Snizzler.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  I love this kid.

• 35:24Mark Normand?

  He's alright, he's alright.

• 35:26Speaker 03

  Do you think we can get...

• 35:27Speaker 02

  Wait, homeless pimp shot? I think so!

• 35:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, I told you!

• 35:34Mark Normand?

  Get pimp on the phone.

• 35:35Speaker 03

  Will we get him at a later date?

• 35:37Mark Normand?

  He'll come in. I'm gonna cool it with the fat jokes.

• 35:41Speaker 03

  He's gonna have Secret Service over. Fat jokes, you're making diddle jokes about him.

• 35:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, that is fine. That's not real. The fat is real.

• 35:51Mark Normand?

  He's a cute kid. He can sit right here.

• 35:54Speaker 03

  Who is Eric DeLisandro?

• 35:56Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 35:57Mark Normand?

  I don't know the handler.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  This guy's not huge. He's got 30,000 subscribers. Dude, did you see... Put up his song with Kendrick. I'm kidding.

• 36:06Mark Normand?

  I think he went after Schultz, the Rizler.

• 36:07Speaker 03

  No, Eric's a comic.

• 36:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 36:10Speaker 03

  He looks familiar.

• 36:11Mark Normand?

  He's in New York. He does look familiar.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  I guess, you know, we've probably done shows with him somewhere, but.

• 36:18Mark Normand?

  Man, big, big week for WAPs. This guy, the shooter, Salakuse.

• 36:24Sam Morril?

  That guy's got, he's on a different diet than the Rizler though.

• 36:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 36:27Sam Morril?

  How, how do you have time to get shredded and write a manifesto?

• 36:30Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 36:31Sam Morril?

  It's a lot.

• 36:32Mark Normand?

  Well, he was.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  It's wild to be that angry. It's wild. So they found his manifesto?

• 36:35Mark Normand?

  Three pages handwritten.

• 36:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, had it on him.

• 36:38Speaker 03

  It's only three pages?

• 36:39Mark Normand?

  Handwritten.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  I thought a manifesto was like.

• 36:41Sam Morril?

  Nah, it's a little short.

• 36:43Mark Normand?

  It's a little short, but hey, ChatGPT wrote most of it.

• 36:47Speaker 03

  Now, he's still only suspected, right?

• 36:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's, it's gotta be him.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  You know?

• 36:53Mark Normand?

  They got the ghost gun.

• 36:54Sam Morril?

  Some people were saying he didn't, you know, because the eyebrows are a little more connected a few days later, but guess what? As someone with eyebrows like that, if you don't bring tweezers on the road, they are gonna fucking look like that. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta pluck.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:05Mark Normand?

  So the rumor is he had a back issue and that's what turned him. Cause they have the medical, they wouldn't help him with his back.

• 37:11Sam Morril?

  His face? I got, I think I had a joke angle on this.

• 37:13Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 37:14Sam Morril?

  For our, for our thing.

• 37:15Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 37:16Sam Morril?

  Something along the lines of, yeah, that was, that's not.

• 37:18Mark Normand?

  That went viral.

• 37:19Speaker 03

  Who's that?

• 37:20Sam Morril?

  That's the guy who reps Tommy DeVito on the, uh, on the Giants. He's like that Italian agent.

• 37:25Speaker 03

  Oh, that's hilarious. Look at this guy.

• 37:28Mark Normand?

  He's perfect. But yeah, Antonio Brown stole your tweet.

• 37:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, whatever.

• 37:31Mark Normand?

  I texted you.

• 37:32Sam Morril?

  He's, he's got bigger problems.

• 37:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's a wild one. Great follow, but he's a wild dude.

• 37:37Speaker 03

  He stole one of your tweets?

• 37:38Sam Morril?

  I get, Norman told me. I didn't, I didn't know.

• 37:40Mark Normand?

  I mean, if you, if you roll through, he tweets like 38 times a day, but if you roll through.

• 37:44Speaker 03

  You think it's actually him?

• 37:46Mark Normand?

  I think so, cause there's deranged and, and erratic as he is. Pull up Antonio Brown Twitter. A B.

• 37:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, that like internet culture, it's like.

• 37:56Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  You all right, buddy?

• 37:58Sam Morril?

  That was a Rizler.

• 37:59Mark Normand?

  He's no Rizler.

• 38:01Speaker 03

  It's wild.

• 38:02Mark Normand?

  We would have felt that.

• 38:04Speaker 03

  Like YouTubers, like that, that only ever did YouTube, like just professional YouTubers, that's their only thing. They just like, it's weird. They just steal from each other.

• 38:12Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 38:13Speaker 03

  They're just fine with it.

• 38:14Mark Normand?

  It's like comics in the 50s.

• 38:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's really odd.

• 38:17Mark Normand?

  It's, uh, hey, is that Caitlin Clark? All right, good for her. All right, keep going, keep going. Just keep going till you see, uh, Sam's tweet.

• 38:25Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 38:26Mark Normand?

  Keep going.

• 38:26Sam Morril?

  He tweets a lot.

• 38:27Mark Normand?

  I'm telling you, he's nutty. Funny guy though, but what a wacko.

• 38:31Sam Morril?

  What do you mean? He just took the tweet?

• 38:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah. It didn't credit you either.

• 38:35Sam Morril?

  I mean, I'm not expecting, he's got bigger shit. What's going on with him? I don't follow anything.

• 38:40Mark Normand?

  CTE.

• 38:41Sam Morril?

  He's got some, I mean, he-

• 38:42Mark Normand?

  There it is, boom! Call him, I have my client, same joke.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  Off, off, sorry, I know he's a monster and he's gonna kill me, but this is bullshit.

• 38:50Mark Normand?

  Well, I don't even-

• 38:51Speaker 02

  NFL memes did this to you too, didn't they?

• 38:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, whatever.

• 38:53Mark Normand?

  I think he just sees shit on the internet and puts it up. I don't even know if he's like-

• 38:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's got CTE, dude, he's got bigger problems, you know, it's like-

• 39:00Mark Normand?

  So does Jason Kelsey, hell of a beer.

• 39:02Speaker 03

  Um, and he's also a maniac that will beat people up?

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Uh, I think he's a maniac.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  I don't know anything.

• 39:08Sam Morril?

  He was like accusing Tom, he was like saying Gisele tried to fuck him to Tom Brady, he's a psycho.

• 39:13Speaker 03

  Oh, Jesus.

• 39:14Sam Morril?

  He also, Tom Brady like took him in, Tom Brady like revitalized his career and got him, you know.

• 39:20Mark Normand?

  He was also supposed to be on today, but he canceled.

• 39:23Speaker 03

  The, uh, wait, Tom Brady's the guy they just roasted, right?

• 39:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:27Speaker 03

  Ah, damn.

• 39:28Sam Morril?

  Man, you really don't watch sports.

• 39:30Speaker 03

  I, no, not at all, like, literally not at all. The only time I watch is if the Eagles are like going, are in the Super Bowl or get to the game right before the Super Bowl, whatever that game is.

• 39:43Mark Normand?

  Okay, the playoffs?

• 39:44Sam Morril?

  By the way, I do have to mention this really quickly, who the hell is the Rizler's handler that they were gonna book him on a show called We Might Be Drunk?

• 39:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:53Speaker 03

  I was gonna say, it's probably his family, right?

• 39:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, alright.

• 39:56Speaker 03

  The, uh, was his dad gonna come, or does he just send the kid?

• 39:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:01Sam Morril?

  I've met, I've met the dad at the game, the dad seems at least like, he's, I mean, I don't know.

• 40:05Mark Normand?

  They're a nice family.

• 40:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  Oh, that's good.

• 40:07Mark Normand?

  I don't wanna shit on it too much, good people.

• 40:12Sam Morril?

  Good people really seem to-

• 40:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah. So how's, uh, I texted Shane today, he sent me some, some tires updates.

• 40:17Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 40:18Mark Normand?

  And, uh, pretty cool stuff you guys got coming up in season two.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was fun, man, uh, yeah, I worked on it, you know, I wrote on it and then, uh, snuck in.

• 40:29Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  I, I probably, I don't know if I'm, I guess I can talk about, yeah.

• 40:33Mark Normand?

  Ah!

• 40:33Speaker 03

  Snuck in, might have snuck on camera.

• 40:36Mark Normand?

  Well, you always find a way.

• 40:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:37Mark Normand?

  You're roasting like, what's that guy doing now? I think he's homeless. No, wait! Look at that, headline news, he's writing on some huge show.

• 40:45Speaker 03

  It was right, it was funny because it was like, not right after, but it was, I guess I'd bought my house in Pennsylvania a year ago. And I was, last June, I stole my apartment in New York and I was going back and forth and I was like, I think I'm gonna get rid of this apartment and just, you know, when I come to New York, I'll get a hotel or something. I don't want to just carry this apartment anymore. And then I got that job and it, and it was in Philly.

• 41:12Mark Normand?

  Huge.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  It was just kinda like, alright, I guess my mind's made up, the decision got made for me, but, you know, it was fun.

• 41:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:19Speaker 03

  It was fun. It's fun working with Shane, like he's, they're all great, but I mean,

• 41:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:23Speaker 03

  Shane is really like, especially like, I'd never shot anything with him, like just, I'm like, god damn it, he's so funny, like he's,

• 41:32Mark Normand?

  He's a talent.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  The shit he's riffing, I'm like, Jesus Christ, man. Like take after take and keeps changing it and it's getting like funnier and funnier and funnier, like,

• 41:41Mark Normand?

  Well, his mind is great for sketch, we forget that, we're so stand-up oriented, like joke, joke, joke, tag, and he's got both, he's got the sketch and the stand-up.

• 41:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:50Mark Normand?

  It's pretty impressive.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  It was fun, man. Yeah, some cool people on the show in season two, too.

• 41:54Sam Morril?

  I saw Thomas Hayden Church joined.

• 41:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's great.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  He was the fucking man. He was the man, and I was a huge, this, this is wild, I was a huge fan of his.

• 42:06Mark Normand?

  There he is.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  You know, I love Sideways, who doesn't love Sideways, right?

• 42:10Mark Normand?

  I'm a Wings fan.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  Wings, he's in one of my favorite horror movies ever, I'm a huge horror movie fan, he was in a horror movie called Demon Knight, it was a Tails from the Crypt movie, and he's in it, and so we're on set, but I wasn't in scenes with him, but he was there. And I kept seeing him walking by and stuff, like as we were shooting, and I was like, I wanna fucking tell him so bad how much I love Demon Knight, but like, I don't wanna like, you know, I don't wanna look like a fanboy on set or whatever.

• 42:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but that's a deep cut.

• 42:36Speaker 03

  So, I'm in line for lunch, I haven't met him yet, I'm in line for lunch, there's a guy standing behind me. The guy behind me goes, "What do they have up there? Steak?" And I turn and it's him. And I go, "Oh yeah, they got steak and..." And I go, "Hey, man, I'm Joe. Really nice to meet you." And he goes, "Yeah, man, I know who you are. I listened to the bonfire."

• 42:57Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 42:58Speaker 03

  "I love you guys."

• 42:58Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 43:00Speaker 03

  I go, "Wait, what?"

• 43:01Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 43:02Speaker 03

  And he's like, "I love the bonfire. Yeah, you guys are great, man." And he's like, "I really wanted to come to the Wells Fargo show. Shane did. I'm really bummed I missed you guys." And I was like... And so then we start talking, and he's like mid-sentence, five minutes later, and I go, "I-I'm sorry, I gotta cut you off. It's blowing my fucking mind right now that you know who the fuck I am."

• 43:20Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 43:21Speaker 03

  Because all I wanted to do all day was tell you much I love Demon Knight.

• 43:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 43:24Speaker 03

  And he goes, "Ah, you're the one. I wish there was a million more of you motherfuckers."

• 43:28Mark Normand?

  There you go!

• 43:29Speaker 03

  This guy's awesome, man.

• 43:30Mark Normand?

  I can't believe anyone listened to the bonfire.

• 43:32Speaker 03

  It's a horror movie. A horror movie about... Wait, what'd you say?

• 43:35Mark Normand?

  I just said, "I can't believe anyone listened to the bonfire."

• 43:40Speaker 03

  By the way, he said the full title. He goes, "I listened to the bonfire with Big Jay Okerson and Robert Kelly." He said the whole title!

• 43:48Mark Normand?

  He even have to... I'd got out of the stoner years.

• 43:52Speaker 03

  Um, Demon Knight, it's a horror movie about... This guy is a demon. Uh, and this event happens every X amount of years where he... If-if the-if he does all the right stuff and they don't stop him, demons will take over the earth and blah, blah, blah, blah. So it's about the people that are in the house trying to fight him and prevent it from happening and, you know. It's fun. It's super fun.

• 44:15Mark Normand?

  Now, what's lunch like over there on the set? How's that work?

• 44:19Speaker 03

  You know, there's food and you eat it.

• 44:21Mark Normand?

  They give catering and everything?

• 44:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, craft service.

• 44:23Mark Normand?

  Wow, so this is like a big, real shoot?

• 44:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a Netflix TV show.

• 44:27Sam Morril?

  The first one they did is small, but this is like, yeah, they picked it up.

• 44:30Mark Normand?

  That's impressive.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  It was still... It was still... I mean this in a good way. It still felt like an indie movie.

• 44:36Mark Normand?

  Okay, good.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  It was still loose. It wasn't insane, but yeah, no, but full craft services and stuff. And there was these two ladies every day and me and Stav and Shane would laugh about it every day. Cause they'd come around with this cart in between meals in case you were hungry in between.

• 44:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  And me and Stav were always like, get that fucking cart away from me right now because it was never, it was always like, hey, guys, we've got cheese steaks.

• 45:04Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  Hey, guys, anybody want an Italian hoagie? And they're like, please, lady, I'm trying to live somewhat decently.

• 45:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, by the Rizler? Take it easy.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  She came around one day with Chick-fil-A.

• 45:16Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  Mountains of Chick-fil-A. It was insane.

• 45:20Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  They were awesome.

• 45:21Sam Morril?

  You can't eat that shit and then do stuff.

• 45:23Mark Normand?

  That too.

• 45:24Speaker 03

  That's part of it too.

• 45:25Sam Morril?

  Chick-fil-A is fucking good.

• 45:26Mark Normand?

  But it's weird. They do that on sets. It's like, hey, you're a hot celebrity guy or gal. Here's M and M's and craft service and shit.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  Well, I wouldn't say the cast of Tires is hot.

• 45:37Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's true. That's true.

• 45:40Speaker 03

  They're like guys who eat cheese steaks.

• 45:41Mark Normand?

  But on like Melrose Place or Hot Boy Island or Fuck Boy Dead or whatever it is, do they have this guy going around with the cheese steak?

• 45:49Speaker 03

  I think on those sets, it's way more like somebody's coming around with like, we made guacamole.

• 45:53Mark Normand?

  And salad.

• 45:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, whatever, right?

• 45:55Mark Normand?

  Got it. Got it. Okay. But hey, good for Shane. I didn't know he had a lunch lady.

• 45:59Speaker 03

  I remember I did Louie and Louie, there was a guy, cause this was shot a lot like Louie's. Louie's the same thing. It was very like, felt like an indie movie.

• 46:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:06Sam Morril?

  You had a great scene that you were the punch up guy, right?

• 46:09Speaker 03

  That was fun. Yeah.

• 46:09Sam Morril?

  That was hilarious.

• 46:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. That was a big deal.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  The line, my favorite line didn't make it into the show because I couldn't get through it without laughing because he was, he was like feeding me lines to say. And he goes, Joe, I want you to say, he literally just was like, he threw the camera on me and immediately he goes, Joe, I want you to say, do they validate parking? Cause the fat cunt out front says they don't. And I couldn't, it was too much. He fed it to me and I was like, I was laughing so hard.

• 46:35Sam Morril?

  That's a great, that was fun.

• 46:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, the fat cunt.

• 46:41Speaker 03

  He's another guy who can just riff gold.

• 46:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:45Speaker 03

  He had a lady walk. Oh, that's what I was gonna say. He had a lady walking around with a tray and it just had a bowl of guacamole and chips. Like, you just walk up to this lady.

• 46:54Mark Normand?

  That's weird.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  It was kind of odd.

• 47:00Mark Normand?

  You were also in Better Call Saul.

• 47:02Speaker 03

  I was.

• 47:02Mark Normand?

  You had a good run.

• 47:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, you know, I'm hanging on somehow.

• 47:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you can act, too.

• 47:07Sam Morril?

  You are a good actor.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, thank you. Well, I mean, I'd like to get a real acting job.

• 47:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, you would?

• 47:14Speaker 03

  I'd like to get something where there's consistency. The one thing I got ever where I was gonna really be on the show, like almost every episode, was this multicam called Living Biblically.

• 47:25Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  And I played the, uh, the like office lech, like the, the, what's that word? Uh, you know, I was like the horny guy.

• 47:34Mark Normand?

  The creep.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. The, uh, Lothario.

• 47:37Mark Normand?

  That's the one.

• 47:39Speaker 03

  I played the office Lothario.

• 47:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  And I was kind of the heel to Jay, the main character, who was a guy that was trying to live his life by the Bible.

• 47:48Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 47:50Speaker 03

  And anyway, I got, we, we were, it was at CBS.

• 47:56Sam Morril?

  That Tony Rock?

• 47:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, Tony Rock was in it. Dave Krumholtz. It was fun. My friend Pat Walsh created it and he's, he's my podcast partner and...

• 48:04Mark Normand?

  The bald guy's in Frasier.

• 48:05Speaker 03

  Yeah. Um, anyway.

• 48:09Speaker 03

  The, there were these female executives at CBS and they just, they never once would smile at me. They were never nice to me.

• 48:15Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 48:16Speaker 03

  I couldn't figure it out. Andy Ackerman, who directed it, um...

• 48:20Mark Normand?

  From Seinfeld?

• 48:21Speaker 03

  Yeah. Would tell me, he's like the Scorsese of sitcoms. Directed like Cheers, Frasier. So it's nuts. Anyway. He would tell me, he would be like, "Yeah, we just had a meeting with the network and like they fucking hate your character."

• 48:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 48:35Speaker 03

  They said you're not likable. And he goes, and he, he said to them one day, he goes, "Oh, he's not likable? Then I guess we did our fucking job." He's not supposed to be likable. He's the bad, he's the bad guy. He's the heel. And they were just hammering, hammering, hammering, whatever. And then we shot the pilot. It went great. I was a huge part of the pilot. Uh, the story revolved around my character and then they cut the character two weeks before it went to series.

• 48:58Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  And.

• 49:00Mark Normand?

  You're playing a douche.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  Well, I couldn't figure it out. And then guess what? Me Too happened.

• 49:06Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  Les Moonvez, head of CBS Comedy.

• 49:10Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  Went down hot and I was like, that's why they hated this character.

• 49:15Sam Morril?

  Cause, cause he raped, you couldn't play a bad dude.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  Well, it was their boss.

• 49:19Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 49:20Speaker 03

  But you're not raping. No, no, but I think they were like, this is a little, we don't like this. Yeah.

• 49:25Mark Normand?

  A little on the nose.

• 49:26Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 49:27Speaker 03

  Like out of resentment towards Moonvez, not, you know what I mean? Like.

• 49:30Mark Normand?

  But get mad at the character, not you. We like, if you played a murderer, they would have loved you. That's the irony.

• 49:35Speaker 03

  Theoretically, I mean, they never, I never got that explanation. That's my theory.

• 49:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're still keeping like Law and Orders on.

• 49:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 49:42Sam Morril?

  Different network, but you know my point.

• 49:43Speaker 03

  Oh, the show was canceled mid-season.

• 49:44Mark Normand?

  Ah, right. You got out easy.

• 49:46Sam Morril?

  I guess with comedy, they're weirder about that shit. What, what?

• 49:49Mark Normand?

  They are.

• 49:49Sam Morril?

  When it's like open and shut, like a, like a police procedural and they're like, well, you're arrested for being bad. As opposed to a guy doing it for laughs, they get weird.

• 49:58Mark Normand?

  Cause you're making light of it, I guess, maybe. Cause rappers say fucked up shit and women are singing along at the club.

• 50:04Speaker 03

  It's wild, dude, because you forget like, keep going, keep doing it. No, have fun. Enjoy yourself.

• 50:10Mark Normand?

  Alright, I'm having a good.

• 50:11Speaker 03

  No, you forget like, that was, it was right before Me Too. And now when I look back at the show, I'm like, you would never write a character like this on a show.

• 50:21Mark Normand?

  No.

• 50:21Speaker 03

  Ever. You'd never be like, let's have a guy that constantly cheats on his wife and brags about it and describes the sex to go on a multi cam sitcom. You'd be like, what are you nuts? They won't let that go on.

• 50:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  And it's like, it, it changed so drastically.

• 50:35Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 50:35Speaker 03

  In a matter of months.

• 50:36Mark Normand?

  That's true. Barney on, uh, what's that show? How I Met Your Mother. His whole thing was like, I'm gonna see how many girls I can fuck in a night.

• 50:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:43Mark Normand?

  Even though he was a gay guy in real life, but he was like, you watch that show now, you're like, damn, this guy's a poon hound.

• 50:48Sam Morril?

  I bet that softened it though. They were like, well, he's gay.

• 50:50Mark Normand?

  Probably, but I didn't know he was gay when I was watching it.

• 50:52Speaker 03

  Well, on the new, uh, season of Frasier, like the, the reboot.

• 50:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:58Speaker 03

  He goes back, there's an episode where he goes back to Seattle and goes back to the radio station and Bulldog is there. And Bulldog was the character that would like slap chicks on the ass.

• 51:08Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  You know, it was wild. Again, you couldn't do it today. But they had the greatest solve for it. Bulldog goes, Doc, guess what? I'm gay.

• 51:16Mark Normand?

  Ah, that is a good solve.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, and Fraser goes, that's amazing Bulldog. So all of that horrible behavior that you subjected those poor women to was just you repressing who you really were? And he goes, no, no, I still do it. I just do it to dudes now. That's a, that's a perfect solve.

• 51:32Mark Normand?

  Beautiful out.

• 51:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, don't rewrite the character. Don't make him have a moment where he's like, I've learned.

• 51:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:38Speaker 03

  Just like, no. Just make him a piece of shit in a different way.

• 51:40Mark Normand?

  Didn't Kevin Spacey do that? When they popped him with the, with the kids, he was like, but I'm gay.

• 51:45Speaker 03

  He tried to be like, I, yeah, I had a hard time dealing with being gay.

• 51:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:50Speaker 03

  So I had to tackle a 14 year old.

• 51:53Mark Normand?

  The Rizler.

• 51:53Speaker 03

  Pecker, whatever he did.

• 51:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's kind of, it's pretty insulting to gay people that they're like, you are saying someone underage?

• 52:00Speaker 03

  I'm gay.

• 52:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Not what gay is.

• 52:02Speaker 03

  Well, gay people came out when Kevin Spacey did that. They were like, fuck you.

• 52:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 52:07Speaker 03

  This isn't like your scapegoat, you know?

• 52:09Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 52:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was shitty.

• 52:11Mark Normand?

  It's a gay scapegoat.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Anyway.

• 52:13Sam Morril?

  Anyway, we, we have been trying to book Kevin Spacey on the podcast, we should say.

• 52:16Mark Normand?

  He's a talented actor.

• 52:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:18Speaker 03

  Have you really been trying to get him?

• 52:19Mark Normand?

  We would love to get Spacey.

• 52:20Speaker 03

  You'll get him in two seconds. He's doing Comic Cons now.

• 52:23Mark Normand?

  No, what the hell?

• 52:24Sam Morril?

  But those pay.

• 52:26Speaker 03

  He, well, you, you know, you guys could pay. Maybe you cover an Uber.

• 52:30Mark Normand?

  Look at Uber.

• 52:31Speaker 03

  You know?

• 52:31Mark Normand?

  And Ruggela.

• 52:32Speaker 03

  Forty dollars in each direction to get to this fucking thing today. Christ almighty. Yeah, you hate to have to ask. They, you just offer.

• 52:39Mark Normand?

  He offers?

• 52:40Speaker 03

  He offers. Do you not offer?

• 52:42Mark Normand?

  What are you going after? We'll give you a ride.

• 52:44Speaker 03

  I'm busting balls, Scott.

• 52:44Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 52:45Speaker 03

  I'm just joking with you. I will take the Ubers.

• 52:47Mark Normand?

  We'll give you one.

• 52:49Speaker 03

  No, do you know how many podcasts? It's wild. I've been really thinking about this lately.

• 52:54Mark Normand?

  That don't Uber you?

• 52:55Speaker 03

  That don't Uber you, don't offer. You're like, guys, I'm spending money.

• 53:00Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  To come do the thing.

• 53:02Mark Normand?

  Exposure.

• 53:02Speaker 03

  Have somebody just be like, hey, we got you.

• 53:05Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  You know what I mean?

• 53:06Mark Normand?

  Or at least help me out. Like, you ever go to one in Austin and you're like outside of a warehouse? The, get a guy out there going, hey, here it is. Or call me or something.

• 53:14Sam Morril?

  That just happened to me.

• 53:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, like they, they just expect you to get there and figure it out, but there's like, all these warehouses look the same. You know, they're like sweets.

• 53:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're hard to find, so help me out.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it's, uh, the, um, uh, I can't tell you.

• 53:27Mark Normand?

  Well, Segura will play the hotel. He'll, he'll, he'll send you, send you over. Segura gets it.

• 53:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:33Mark Normand?

  But he's a, he's a man of, uh.

• 53:35Speaker 03

  He's a man of money.

• 53:35Mark Normand?

  Means.

• 53:36Speaker 03

  Of means, yeah, yeah. Remind me to tell you a story after.

• 53:39Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 53:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:41Mark Normand?

  All right, all right.

• 53:41Speaker 03

  I gotta trash.

• 53:42Sam Morril?

  I gotta peeve, by the way, speaking of travel peeve.

• 53:44Mark Normand?

  Please.

• 53:45Sam Morril?

  I was just in Cleveland and they send a car to take you to the airport in the morning. But the car just like, the second time it's happened to me with the same company in Cleveland, they just don't show up.

• 53:54Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 53:55Sam Morril?

  And, you know, they're like, eh, I'm like, 10:30 flight. But they're like, yeah, you're right there. Get, get it for 9:30. I'm like, are you sure? Cause you know.

• 54:01Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 54:02Sam Morril?

  And they're like, 9:30 you're fine. They're not fucking there.

• 54:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:05Sam Morril?

  So luckily I have the number. I go, yeah, where are you? And they're like, yeah, we're not, we're not here. Uh, we'll, we'll be there in a second. Sorry about that. And I go, I've got a flight.

• 54:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:13Sam Morril?

  You know it's for an airport.

• 54:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:15Sam Morril?

  And, and the guy goes, we're working on it. Have a blessed day.

• 54:18Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 54:20Sam Morril?

  And I said, eat shit. And I hung up.

• 54:22Mark Normand?

  Good.

• 54:22Speaker 03

  Did they show up?

• 54:23Sam Morril?

  You don't, yeah, they showed up, but it took forever.

• 54:25Mark Normand?

  Did you take it?

• 54:26Sam Morril?

  I made the flight, barely. But also like, don't bring your fucking religious horseshit into a service.

• 54:32Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 54:33Sam Morril?

  This is a service that I'm paying you for. I'm not, but it's part of the gig.

• 54:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:38Speaker 03

  But also too. It's so passive aggressive, it's so dismissive.

• 54:43Sam Morril?

  It's very dismissive.

• 54:44Speaker 03

  How condescending is that? Condescending is that is like, I'm gonna turn your grievance into me being the bigger person and wishing you a spiritual, whatever the fuck.

• 54:53Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 54:55Sam Morril?

  How about blessed day is Midwest, go fuck yourself? It's not even like, it's not even like, I hope, I hope you have a good day. Blessed is insane.

• 55:03Mark Normand?

  I know, they're making it a religious thing. I can't grab your wife tits and be like, praise Allah. You know, it's not the same. It doesn't save it.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  It's a real, um, I've been really obsessed with the, the...

• 55:14Sam Morril?

  That is a good, that's a good out.

• 55:16Speaker 03

  Praise Allah.

• 55:17Mark Normand?

  Part of my faith.

• 55:18Speaker 03

  Assalamu alaikum.

• 55:19Sam Morril?

  That's not the religion. Wait a second.

• 55:22Mark Normand?

  Well, tell her to stop driving.

• 55:25Speaker 03

  No, I've just been really hung up on this thing lately about like how it's just a, it's just such a take it or leave it culture anymore.

• 55:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:32Speaker 03

  You know?

• 55:32Mark Normand?

  I had this one.

• 55:33Speaker 03

  It's just, yeah.

• 55:34Mark Normand?

  This on the train today. Well, first of all, two things I want to run by you. On the train today, I got on the train and I go, it's an N. So I don't know if it's local or express. Sometimes they, they go back and forth like a bisexual. And I go, uh, what, what, is this local? And I do the thing where I jump on, I go, is this local or express? One guy goes, it's express, it's express. And I go, okay. Then another guy was, no, no, it's local, local. And I was like, ah, but the local guy looked more put together. And the, the express guy looked like shit. So I went with the local. So I got on and it was express. And I go, what the hell, man? And he goes...

• 56:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:11Sam Morril?

  The successful guy got further because he just is confident.

• 56:13Mark Normand?

  I think you're right.

• 56:14Speaker 03

  That is true.

• 56:15Mark Normand?

  The, the shovel guy looked like hell, but he was right.

• 56:17Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 56:18Sam Morril?

  But he's, he's on those fucking trains all day.

• 56:20Mark Normand?

  Yes, you're right. I should have gone by that.

• 56:23Speaker 03

  I apologize, I didn't react stronger to that. But I was honestly, as you were telling the story, thinking about how bad I felt for both of you, that I'm the only person that showed up today. Like, this is a real...

• 56:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what the hell?

• 56:33Speaker 03

  No.

• 56:33Sam Morril?

  Didn't we have another guest?

• 56:34Speaker 03

  But this is just...

• 56:35Mark Normand?

  She's coming. She's always late.

• 56:38Speaker 03

  Who is it?

• 56:39Mark Normand?

  This guest.

• 56:40Sam Morril?

  Rachel Feinstein? She's always late.

• 56:42Mark Normand?

  Always late.

• 56:43Sam Morril?

  This 33 minute... It's late. What the hell?

• 56:45Mark Normand?

  That's how she does.

• 56:47Sam Morril?

  What?

• 56:47Mark Normand?

  Oh, well, I mean, it's pointless now. I gotta end the show at some point.

• 56:53Mark Normand?

  But we're happy to have, I'm glad your bar is here because it keeps you coming back to New York.

• 56:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah. I, uh, no, I'm happy to be here and I'm happy that you're happy I'm here, but it is very sad.

• 57:02Mark Normand?

  It is sad.

• 57:03Sam Morril?

  It is a sad holiday.

• 57:04Speaker 03

  You guys are in pajamas.

• 57:06Sam Morril?

  I know, we dress up. This is like when you dress up for a bomb.

• 57:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:10Sam Morril?

  It's like if Eddie Murphy did Raw and it didn't go well.

• 57:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, exactly.

• 57:14Sam Morril?

  This is pathetic.

• 57:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:15Mark Normand?

  They keep looking at my ass.

• 57:16Sam Morril?

  The fact that I know we could have had the Rizler is such a, is such a blow to the gut.

• 57:21Mark Normand?

  Shouldn't have told me that.

• 57:22Speaker 02

  Charlie told all of his friends he was meeting in the.

• 57:24Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  And I even told my bully.

• 57:27Sam Morril?

  You hate to hear that for the kid.

• 57:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:29Sam Morril?

  You hate to hear that for the kid. Oh, I got another peeve.

• 57:32Mark Normand?

  Whole Photoshop.

• 57:32Sam Morril?

  When people in emails, uh, they write something annoying and then write, "Thanks for understanding."

• 57:38Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 57:38Sam Morril?

  I didn't say understood.

• 57:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good point.

• 57:40Sam Morril?

  You're, you're assuming I understand.

• 57:42Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 57:44Sam Morril?

  How about you just say, "Sorry."

• 57:46Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 57:46Sam Morril?

  "Thanks for understanding" is a fuck you.

• 57:48Mark Normand?

  Sorry goes a long way.

• 57:49Speaker 03

  It's ridiculous. I bought these shirts from a, uh, it's not real vintage, but it was a thing I saw on Instagram where the shop made convincingly looking vintage shirts, whatever. They were new shirts, but they made, they weathered them, they aged them, they were faded. They looked great. So I ordered three of them. They also said they were true to size. So I ordered three larges. They show up. The largest fit like, literally like double XLs.

• 58:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  They're on the cheapest fucking solid black t-shirts you can imagine. It's just this shit weathered design printed on. Like, I got this at fucking Old Navy and this looks more convincingly.

• 58:30Mark Normand?

  They're selling mid-fit shirts at Old Navy?

• 58:32Speaker 03

  Isn't that crazy?

• 58:33Mark Normand?

  That's wild.

• 58:33Speaker 03

  Isn't that crazy?

• 58:34Mark Normand?

  Kind of ruins the, the brand.

• 58:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, the band that has a song where he goes, "I got something to say. I killed your baby today."

• 58:40Mark Normand?

  I love that song.

• 58:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a t-shirt at Old Navy right now.

• 58:44Mark Normand?

  I raped your mother.

• 58:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, anyway.

• 58:48Mark Normand?

  That's wild.

• 58:48Speaker 03

  So I write to them and I go, "Guys." The shirts are completely misrepresented on your website. They do not look like they you made them look. These are bad designs printed on cheap t-shirts. I want a refund. Three different people. I had to write three times, three different fucking people. It's actually kinda like the thing with the insurance guy with the

• 59:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:09Speaker 03

  Deny whatever the fuck this miss.

• 59:11Mark Normand?

  DeRosa in an oversized hoodie.

• 59:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Dude, they kept writing me, they'd be like, we're sorry you're not happy with the product. Keep in mind, these are made to order, so the weathering will look different on every. And I go, there was no weather, you didn't age these.

• 59:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:25Speaker 03

  You sold the thing that you're, you promised the thing that you're not selling. Well, keep in mind that whatever, it was three fucking people and they kept saying like, thanks for your understanding. We're happy to give you a full credit and you keep the shirts. I go, I don't want a credit for more shit I didn't want to begin with.

• 59:41Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 59:42Speaker 03

  Give me a goddamn refund. And then finally, on the fourth fucking email, they were like, you can have a refund.

• 59:47Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 59:48Speaker 03

  But you have to cover the shipping costs to send it back.

• 59:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god.

• 59:51Speaker 03

  So guess what? I'll never do that. I'll never take the goddamn shirts.

• 59:55Mark Normand?

  You just wanted, you just wanted them to be like, we fucked up.

• 59:58Speaker 03

  I wanted them to be like, here's a refund, keep the shirts, don't worry about it.

• 1:00:01Mark Normand?

  Sorry about that.

• 1:00:02Speaker 03

  You know?

• 1:00:02Mark Normand?

  Never wear these.

• 1:00:03Speaker 03

  Never.

• 1:00:04Mark Normand?

  Huh?

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Deny defend DeRosa.

• 1:00:06Mark Normand?

  Hey, DDD, I like it.

• 1:00:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, so, uh, yeah. Uh, anyway, it's not a great story.

• 1:00:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, but I like it.

• 1:00:13Speaker 03

  But the point is, is this is where we're at, people.

• 1:00:15Mark Normand?

  It's relatable.

• 1:00:16Speaker 03

  This is the country we're living in.

• 1:00:18Mark Normand?

  Well, also, you're lucky you got a

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  That's Biden.

• 1:00:20Mark Normand?

  He's still president. You got a guy on the phone or an email at least, it wasn't like a bot or a hit the text help app.

• 1:00:28Speaker 03

  Well, it's funny because I DM'd them also and two of the emails I, one of the emails I got was identical text to the

• 1:00:35Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:00:36Speaker 03

  So they clearly had a form, you know, response. And I was, my friend used to work, uh, An insu- no, it was at a bank. It was a, it was a bank. He said they were instructed, uh, if the, because they, you know, they keep a file open and they make notes about your calls to complain about shit.

• 1:00:54Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:00:54Speaker 03

  And he was like, until it says they've called three times, do not give them.

• 1:00:58Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:01:01Speaker 03

  He goes, because if, because if they really want it and they're telling the truth, they will call three times.

• 1:01:05Mark Normand?

  Right. Well, you ever try to get a hold of Uber? You gotta text and email. There's no phone number even. You gotta like write in. It's crazy. And then it takes two days for them to get back.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  I talked to them on the phone once because they called me.

• 1:01:16Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:01:16Speaker 03

  Because I had a crazy driver that said I punched him.

• 1:01:19Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:01:20Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. And I was like.

• 1:01:22Sam Morril?

  Why are you just pulling up the pictures of this kid behind him?

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:01:26Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I was like, guys, there were two other people in the car.

• 1:01:28Sam Morril?

  He, he just doesn't know we can see his screen. He's just like Luigi Mangione shirtless.

• 1:01:32Mark Normand?

  Shirtless. He might be a gay guy.

• 1:01:36Speaker 03

  I think he is gay.

• 1:01:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, he is?

• 1:01:37Speaker 03

  I thought they confirmed that he was gay.

• 1:01:38Mark Normand?

  Because look at the way he's holding that McDonald's box. That's the, the, the movements of a homosexual. Look at that.

• 1:01:45Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:45Mark Normand?

  That's a homosexual.

• 1:01:47Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a hap- now that's a happy meal.

• 1:01:49Mark Normand?

  That's the only time he's touching a box.

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  He was caught at McDonald's too. This guy can't stay away from McDonald's.

• 1:01:55Mark Normand?

  I know, and he's an RFK fan.

• 1:01:57Sam Morril?

  It makes me feel better that he's gay because when, when dudes are that ripped and they're not gay, I'm a little bit like, what's going on?

• 1:02:02Mark Normand?

  What is going on? Atta baby, Joe's back!

• 1:02:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, you not talking is a real good sell.

• 1:02:14Mark Normand?

  How do you feel as a paisan? Is this, uh, nothing?

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Yeah. There's no discrimination against Italians anymore.

• 1:02:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but how about those Sopranos memes?

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  It's hilarious.

• 1:02:23Sam Morril?

  They're great, right?

• 1:02:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:24Mark Normand?

  But people are like, he has shot the guy in the street. That's really gone up. That's what's cool about him being Italian. You can make racist jokes still about him.

• 1:02:33Speaker 03

  He's got the most Italian name I've ever heard.

• 1:02:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  By the way, I've never, I'm not exaggerating. I have never, ever in life heard of anybody named Luigi.

• 1:02:43Mark Normand?

  I haven't either.

• 1:02:43Speaker 03

  Except for Super Mario Brothers.

• 1:02:45Mark Normand?

  Same.

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  I have never encountered an actual Luigi ever met.

• 1:02:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:49Speaker 03

  Or heard of a guy whose name was Luigi.

• 1:02:50Mark Normand?

  My joke on him. Hey, you can put him in jail, but he's just gonna get out through the pipes.

• 1:02:54Speaker 03

  Oh, that's good.

• 1:02:55Mark Normand?

  Hey, I'll take it.

• 1:02:57Speaker 03

  That's very good. See, sometimes you come out with a good one.

• 1:03:01Mark Normand?

  Didn't get a laugh. I just got a, "That's good."

• 1:03:02Speaker 03

  It's done that on the Burt roast, or whatever the fuck.

• 1:03:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, I could've used that one on the Jelly Roll.

• 1:03:07Speaker 03

  Tell me some of the Jelly Roll jokes that bombed.

• 1:03:09Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  I mean, you had to hit him with a couple fat jokes, right?

• 1:03:12Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 1:03:13Sam Morril?

  Did any of them hit?

• 1:03:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah, a couple hit.

• 1:03:15Sam Morril?

  What were some good ones?

• 1:03:16Mark Normand?

  Jeez, I can't. This is how ill-prepared I was, that I had nothing memorized.

• 1:03:20Sam Morril?

  How are you not prepared going into a roast?

• 1:03:22Mark Normand?

  I know, because the jokes were solid, so I was just like, "I'll read it, it'll be great." Which is a, you know, cardinal sin number one, but I got offstage and Kid Rock saw me in the green room and he go, "Hey, I'm Mark," and he goes, "Horrible performance," and I go, "Good to meet you."

• 1:03:34Speaker 03

  Oh, fuck him.

• 1:03:36Mark Normand?

  I know, he's a bit of a cunt.

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  Fuck him.

• 1:03:38Mark Normand?

  But he was right, he was right.

• 1:03:39Speaker 03

  He just fucking posted, uh, I guess he was with some friends of his that were Democrats or something, and they were all hanging out at his bar or whatever, and he goes, he goes, "This is what it looks like," all caps, "when reasonable Americans that have different opinions move towards the same goal," and it's like, "Yeah, that's a great sentiment. I don't want to hear from the guy that shot a case of Bud Light with a machine gun." Really? You're gonna start talking about rational behavior right now? Go fuck yourself.

• 1:04:07Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:04:08Sam Morril?

  I can't believe he said that to you.

• 1:04:10Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, well, he was, he was half in the bag, but that's how he is. He's like a blunt, you know, I say how it is kind of guy.

• 1:04:16Speaker 03

  I shoot from the hip. I tell it like it is.

• 1:04:19Mark Normand?

  And he owns that town. We went to his bar after and it was like, Jelly Roll went up, Burt went up.

• 1:04:24Sam Morril?

  I can't believe you fucking hung out after this.

• 1:04:26Mark Normand?

  I had to drink it away. It was, it was just pure sorrow.

• 1:04:29Sam Morril?

  Who were you hanging with to get away from?

• 1:04:32Mark Normand?

  The whole group went. We went to his bar and, uh, he had a band, like, that guy Marcus King?

• 1:04:38Speaker 03

  Torelius?

• 1:04:39Mark Normand?

  King.

• 1:04:40Sam Morril?

  Marcus King, yeah.

• 1:04:41Mark Normand?

  He was there. I mean, it was just like a who's who, then Jelly Roll went on, the place went ape shit.

• 1:04:45Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:04:45Mark Normand?

  It felt like The Cellar when Chris Rock goes on.

• 1:04:47Sam Morril?

  You gotta get him back one day. You gotta, you gotta hold it like a jerk store moment. You gotta have like a moment where you hit him back with terrible performance. It might take thirty, forty years.

• 1:04:55Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 1:04:55Sam Morril?

  You wait till an old man, he puts on a half-assed concert.

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, go to any one of his shows.

• 1:05:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'll fly to one.

• 1:05:01Speaker 03

  I mean, they'll be cheering, but it will be a terrible performance.

• 1:05:06Sam Morril?

  I can't believe you bombed.

• 1:05:07Mark Normand?

  Well, I also zinged him a lot, and I think maybe he was like, oh, fuck this guy.

• 1:05:11Sam Morril?

  Anything good?

• 1:05:11Mark Normand?

  I just, you know, I kept it light. I said, you know, he's ball went to bed, and he sucks. And Big Jay looks like the last guy to listen to Kid Rock. And I had a couple, but he didn't like him.

• 1:05:22Speaker 03

  The, um, Jelly Roll is a tough guy to roast because he's so nice.

• 1:05:27Mark Normand?

  He's very nice.

• 1:05:27Speaker 03

  I feel like the whole audience, if you're being like, look at his fat ass, they're like, hey, hey.

• 1:05:32Mark Normand?

  No, they were in on it. And he's laughing.

• 1:05:34Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:05:34Mark Normand?

  On stage, but I went third to last, and it was like a 14-person roast, I'm just scratching out jokes. Hey, speaking of last.

• 1:05:44Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 1:05:44Mark Normand?

  Good to have you there. What are you wearing, a burka?

• 1:05:49Sam Morril?

  Did he get you in a flying carpet? Is that why you were so late?

• 1:05:52Speaker 06

  I had to run.

• 1:05:53Mark Normand?

  Sit down.

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  What's this? Why is that bag so big?

• 1:05:56Speaker 06

  Because I took my daughter up from preschool. I took her to McDonald's. She threw tantrum at McDonald's.

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  Shut a CEO.

• 1:06:04Speaker 06

  She called me a Latin curse word. She called me, um, she called me, um, a bingchi, like a bitch or something like that. Yeah.

• 1:06:12Speaker 03

  Where'd she learn that?

• 1:06:13Speaker 06

  I don't know. She called me a loco bitch or crazy bitch or something.

• 1:06:17Mark Normand?

  Geez, she a crypter.

• 1:06:18Speaker 06

  But they did say, they were like, Matt, your outfits are amazing. I came in, I know him a lot, but.

• 1:06:24Mark Normand?

  He's a Jew, I'm Pepto.

• 1:06:28Speaker 06

  Matt did say, like, come anytime. And then you just text me a second time, which made me think you were bumping me. Because you were like, look, no rush, no whatever. So I was like, oh, they're gonna have like some big people, I'll come at the bottom.

• 1:06:38Sam Morril?

  No, literally, everyone stood us up.

• 1:06:40Mark Normand?

  We had big people, they bailed.

• 1:06:42Speaker 06

  Oh, okay, well.

• 1:06:43Mark Normand?

  We had La Rizler, we had Chris D, we had Louis.

• 1:06:46Speaker 06

  Well, I've been on the Stars Network, so get off my dick, all right? Perhaps you haven't heard of, uh, Pumps and Punchlines, fucking major tour?

• 1:06:55Mark Normand?

  Tyler Perry produced that?

• 1:06:58Speaker 06

  It is disgusting.

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  Pumps and punchlines. God, you women are so stupid.

• 1:07:02Speaker 06

  We are. We're a dumb breed.

• 1:07:04Mark Normand?

  Women who kill. That was always a big one with the lady comedy shows. Funny period.

• 1:07:10Speaker 06

  Funny period was just the most insulting of all of them.

• 1:07:13Speaker 03

  Is that real?

• 1:07:13Speaker 06

  It was.

• 1:07:14Speaker 03

  Which one was that?

• 1:07:15Speaker 06

  Funny period. Just call it bleeding across America. Just call it.

• 1:07:19Sam Morril?

  Call it bitches on the rag.

• 1:07:21Speaker 03

  I'll always send Rachel, like, on Instagram, I'll find shows like that, where it'll be like, you know, you know, vaginally hilarious, right?

• 1:07:28Speaker 06

  Vaginally hilarious.

• 1:07:29Speaker 03

  I'll just send her the screenshot of the flyer and I'll be like, you are a bunch of stupid bitches. Look at this. This is heinous.

• 1:07:38Speaker 06

  Gashes and giggles.

• 1:07:40Mark Normand?

  Flapping lips. Yeah, there's all kinds of them out there.

• 1:07:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, the pointless holes tour made gross the most, though. I've never made as much money as I did on the pointless holes that deserve to be punished tour.

• 1:07:52Mark Normand?

  Pointless holes is pretty good. That's a keeper.

• 1:07:54Speaker 03

  That actually would be, that would actually be funny if there was an all-female show and they called it pointless holes to make fun of all.

• 1:08:00Speaker 06

  Only DeRosa would think we could actually get away with doing that. Was it?

• 1:08:03Speaker 03

  Why couldn't you get away with it?

• 1:08:04Speaker 06

  Was I doing a breast cancer benefit and Joe said I should call it titty cancer extravaganza? He's like, you could do it. I'm like, no, it's American Cancer Society, moron.

• 1:08:13Mark Normand?

  But you gotta start your own one and make.

• 1:08:14Speaker 06

  You're right.

• 1:08:15Speaker 03

  If you did your own produced show, you could call it pointless holes. It would be fucking hilarious.

• 1:08:20Mark Normand?

  That's great.

• 1:08:20Speaker 03

  That you're making fun of these shows that are like vaginally termed or whatever.

• 1:08:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:25Sam Morril?

  I don't think people are gonna get that though on the flyer, would they?

• 1:08:27Mark Normand?

  How about klitsch and bits?

• 1:08:28Speaker 06

  We should.

• 1:08:29Speaker 03

  Klitsch and bits is not bad.

• 1:08:30Speaker 06

  Drunk DeRosa would be a great manager. You could do it. Come on.

• 1:08:35Speaker 03

  That's a baby. Come on, baby.

• 1:08:38Speaker 06

  Come on, baby.

• 1:08:39Mark Normand?

  Yelled at by him, that would be scary on the phone. You fucking cunt.

• 1:08:44Speaker 06

  Can I have a drink?

• 1:08:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, what do you need?

• 1:08:46Speaker 06

  Uh, like, uh, anything. Like, don't waste anything fancy on me.

• 1:08:50Mark Normand?

  Tequila.

• 1:08:50Speaker 03

  I'm going to, uh.

• 1:08:51Mark Normand?

  Scotch.

• 1:08:52Speaker 03

  I'm going to Spark's Steakhouse for dinner with Paul Italia after this.

• 1:08:56Mark Normand?

  Quit bragging.

• 1:08:57Speaker 06

  Stop name dropping.

• 1:08:57Sam Morril?

  That'd be a good one, Spar.

• 1:08:58Speaker 03

  Sparks is awesome. It's old school.

• 1:09:00Speaker 06

  We should go and crash it and just to network. We should.

• 1:09:05Speaker 03

  Sparks is great. Every waiter is like 90.

• 1:09:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:08Speaker 03

  Martinis. It's fucking, Sparks is awesome. You would love Sparks.

• 1:09:12Sam Morril?

  I gotta go some.

• 1:09:12Speaker 03

  Sparks is awesome. But, I'm, but the reason I bring that up is because we're talking about roasts. So, they roasted Paul for his 50th birthday at the stand. And I had a run of fat jokes about Chris.

• 1:09:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's fat.

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  They bombed.

• 1:09:27Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:09:27Speaker 03

  Cause the friends and family were like, that's not funny, like.

• 1:09:30Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:09:31Speaker 03

  It's not like, he's overweight and he shouldn't be. He's old.

• 1:09:34Sam Morril?

  Those only work when you're like, under thirty-five.

• 1:09:37Speaker 06

  Oh, because I heard that it was the jokes that weren't funny, but maybe that was just.

• 1:09:41Speaker 03

  No, this is one of the jokes. You'll like this joke. This is one of the jokes. I go, Paul's your brother Chris. Out of the two brothers, believe it or not, Paul's not the fat one.

• 1:09:49Mark Normand?

  That's a funny joke.

• 1:09:50Speaker 03

  That's fun. Is it not? Bombed.

• 1:09:52Mark Normand?

  Roast your heart.

• 1:09:53Speaker 06

  You guys.

• 1:09:53Speaker 03

  See, Chris makes a living opening, uh, opening, uh, doors for comedians despite the fact that he blocks any door he's standing in front of.

• 1:10:00Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright.

• 1:10:01Speaker 03

  That's not a bad joke, is it?

• 1:10:02Mark Normand?

  Solid.

• 1:10:02Sam Morril?

  I left.

• 1:10:03Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:10:04Speaker 03

  No, you didn't. You shittily smirked, Sam. What's going on with you today?

• 1:10:07Mark Normand?

  You're like me at the Jelly Roll.

• 1:10:09Speaker 03

  I'm fucking sick. This is, yeah, and you hugged me and I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be sick.

• 1:10:12Sam Morril?

  I hope you are.

• 1:10:13Speaker 06

  Right.

• 1:10:13Speaker 03

  Come on, and do you think you can change the chick?

• 1:10:15Speaker 06

  Every time Joe fucks a girl, he calls me up saying he's got AIDS. So don't tell him you're sick. Yeah.

• 1:10:21Speaker 03

  Haven't got it yet.

• 1:10:22Speaker 06

  Joe is such a Jew. It's amazing what a Jew Joe is.

• 1:10:24Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:10:25Speaker 06

  Oh, God.

• 1:10:26Sam Morril?

  The way, the way he confidently said, "Haven't got it yet." That really smug me.

• 1:10:33Sam Morril?

  He said it like he was the last cowboy. I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant like. I have that way more like.

• 1:10:42Speaker 03

  I know, but you said it was a good thing.

• 1:10:43Speaker 06

  Well, that's why it's the funniest combination, because he's like a throbbing hypochondriac, but also he loves prostitutes. It's just a fun-loving combo.

• 1:10:50Speaker 03

  Fucking prostitutes. But you stop it. And they're called sex workers now.

• 1:10:55Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:10:56Speaker 06

  I'm sorry, Poppy. I'm learning. I'm learning.

• 1:10:58Sam Morril?

  I know. The guys that get offended by that are still pieces of shit. It's called, I'm, I'm, I'm supporting a small business, okay?

• 1:11:06Speaker 06

  That would be a great divorce argument.

• 1:11:08Speaker 03

  What's going on here?

• 1:11:09Speaker 06

  Okay, well, let's go to a caller.

• 1:11:12Sam Morril?

  He is.

• 1:11:13Speaker 06

  Let's go to a caller.

• 1:11:15Speaker 03

  Wait, what's happening?

• 1:11:16Speaker 06

  Magic. Magic?

• 1:11:18Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:11:18Speaker 03

  Christ.

• 1:11:21Speaker 03

  Come on, guys.

• 1:11:22Sam Morril?

  Matt Peters, I'm gonna say you really blew the Christmas party this year.

• 1:11:26Speaker 03

  Guys, I said I'd pay for my own overage. Don't make me sit through this, right?

• 1:11:31Mark Normand?

  This guy's a pro.

• 1:11:33Speaker 03

  Alright, that is very good.

• 1:11:35Speaker 06

  You guys, while he sets up, can I just say that?

• 1:11:39Speaker 03

  Wait, aren't you the two people that brought the Jewish cake in?

• 1:11:42Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:11:43Mark Normand?

  Different Jews.

• 1:11:44Speaker 03

  That was different people?

• 1:11:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:47Speaker 02

  Different people are, let's pop up.

• 1:11:49Speaker 06

  DeRosa calls me every Christmas and goes, "You know what you did to our goddamn savior."

• 1:11:54Speaker 03

  Easter.

• 1:11:54Speaker 06

  Fucking who cares, Joe? Shut up.

• 1:11:56Speaker 03

  Well, because Easter's when he rises.

• 1:11:58Speaker 06

  Who cares?

• 1:11:58Speaker 03

  And I make it clear to you that he will not be stopped by the likes of you people.

• 1:12:01Speaker 06

  Okay, that was fair. I'll allow it.

• 1:12:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:05Speaker 06

  He was like, "You swine little piggy. You know what you did to our savior, you rat pig."

• 1:12:10Mark Normand?

  That's fun. That's love.

• 1:12:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, it is fun. I look forward to it. Every Easter and Christmas you remind me.

• 1:12:15Speaker 03

  I'm gonna hit you early this Christmas.

• 1:12:16Speaker 06

  You know what you did when you nailed him up there, you Jew swine.

• 1:12:19Speaker 03

  I'm gonna call you a pointless hole. Like the holes you nailed into our savior.

• 1:12:24Speaker 06

  No, I will say, when we killed Jesus, it felt like closure.

• 1:12:30Mark Normand?

  It was Jew on Jew crime, was it not?

• 1:12:32Speaker 03

  He was Jewish, yes.

• 1:12:33Mark Normand?

  So, yeah.

• 1:12:33Speaker 06

  But some saves the Romans.

• 1:12:35Speaker 03

  That's how heinous her people are, that he turned on them.

• 1:12:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:12:39Speaker 03

  He turned on them and said, "I don't wanna be a part of this."

• 1:12:41Mark Normand?

  Self-hating. Self-loathing Jew.

• 1:12:45Speaker 06

  Jessica brought up Nora to the Comedy Cellar and Keith just started saying, "The Jews will not replace us."

• 1:12:53Speaker 06

  Comics really are just deep, deep, deep trash.

• 1:12:57Mark Normand?

  Sorry, sir, you're trying to set up a nice magic show.

• 1:12:59Speaker 04

  Things are going so well for the Jews right now. Walk in for this feels really comforting.

• 1:13:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:13:04Speaker 03

  Sorry, man.

• 1:13:05Speaker 04

  That's alright.

• 1:13:05Speaker 03

  We're Jews.

• 1:13:06Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:13:07Mark Normand?

  You know, look at the outfit.

• 1:13:08Speaker 04

  I noticed. You look great. You look fantastic.

• 1:13:10Mark Normand?

  I am not. Yuck.

• 1:13:12Speaker 04

  That's a yuck. No, that's okay. We love you.

• 1:13:14Mark Normand?

  I'm joking.

• 1:13:16Speaker 03

  You guys have a rich, you have a rich history of, uh...

• 1:13:18Speaker 04

  I think you're upset.

• 1:13:19Speaker 03

  Of magic. Hitler made 60, he disappeared.

• 1:13:22Speaker 06

  Oh, my God.

• 1:13:23Speaker 03

  Did it say 60?

• 1:13:24Mark Normand?

  Six.

• 1:13:25Speaker 03

  Oh, it said 16.

• 1:13:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, I was like, wow, you gave us even more.

• 1:13:28Mark Normand?

  That didn't happen.

• 1:13:28Speaker 06

  Gave us his credit.

• 1:13:30Speaker 03

  That's the, that's the magic.

• 1:13:32Mark Normand?

  That's the magic.

• 1:13:34Speaker 03

  This is... The, uh, you're not offended by that, right?

• 1:13:36Speaker 04

  I think you're just upset because you now realize you're...

• 1:13:39Speaker 07

  We have more of us than you.

• 1:13:41Speaker 03

  Yes. I'm Arab. I feel cornered right now.

• 1:13:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:13:46Sam Morril?

  That'd be great if we just took a gun out there and shot the Russians in the face.

• 1:13:50Speaker 03

  Oh, Italian Jim?

• 1:13:50Mark Normand?

  She's an Italian Jim.

• 1:13:51Speaker 03

  I'm Arab, but I was adopted by Italians.

• 1:13:54Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  Don't get me wrong, I come from disgusting people.

• 1:13:58Sam Morril?

  Sex workers.

• 1:14:01Speaker 03

  I don't like my people any more than yours. I think it's all gross.

• 1:14:05Speaker 06

  No, I heard your mom was like the most fun whore at the party.

• 1:14:10Speaker 03

  I was adopted by Italians, I can't win.

• 1:14:12Speaker 06

  Your mom!

• 1:14:13Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:14:13Speaker 03

  Oh, Arab, couldn't get adopted by some fucking nice wasps with a little bit of fucking cash.

• 1:14:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:21Sam Morril?

  This guy doesn't know he walked in here. I'm sorry, so what kind of magic are we doing here?

• 1:14:24Speaker 07

  Actually, I, uh, my wife actually got me tickets to see your show in Bridgeport, Connecticut.

• 1:14:27Sam Morril?

  Oh, God, am I going there? What a shithole town that is. Jesus Christ.

• 1:14:32Speaker 07

  I go all the way to Connecticut for you.

• 1:14:33Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay, this is the past.

• 1:14:35Speaker 07

  Yeah, 2021.

• 1:14:36Sam Morril?

  Thank God, I was like, I better not be going there again.

• 1:14:38Speaker 07

  You were like just about to be too big for the name of the club.

• 1:14:41Speaker 06

  And then he simmered back down again? You were just about to meet you. And then reality set in.

• 1:14:49Sam Morril?

  I remember Jim Jeffries one time leaving Caroline's, it was like 12 years ago, he just looked at her and goes, "I'll see this place on the way back down."

• 1:14:57Speaker 07

  I didn't, I didn't get a chance to formally meet Sam.

• 1:14:59Speaker 03

  Hi, Sam, I'm Joe. Nice to meet you.

• 1:15:00Speaker 07

  Nice to meet you.

• 1:15:01Speaker 06

  Hi, I'm Rachel.

• 1:15:01Speaker 07

  Rachel, yes.

• 1:15:02Mark Normand?

  Hey! Hamas.

• 1:15:04Speaker 07

  We, we met, yes. We met, nice to meet you. We, we did, we did meet in the elevator.

• 1:15:10Mark Normand?

  He's a good egg.

• 1:15:11Sam Morril?

  So you saw me in Bridgeport, Connecticut?

• 1:15:13Speaker 07

  I did, I saw you with my, uh, my birthday present, actually.

• 1:15:16Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:15:17Speaker 07

  I'm a big fan, I'm a little nervous, but a big fan.

• 1:15:19Mark Normand?

  You're doing great.

• 1:15:20Speaker 06

  Don't worry, Sam is a toxic person, but the rest of us are pretty nice.

• 1:15:22Speaker 07

  That's true, he's really showing me that, so.

• 1:15:25Mark Normand?

  Ruggle up if you need it.

• 1:15:26Speaker 07

  Oh, you know, I actually, at the end of this, I definitely need to try some Bodega Cat.

• 1:15:30Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah!

• 1:15:31Speaker 07

  I didn't find any in, uh, New Jersey.

• 1:15:33Speaker 06

  How about at the beginning of it, huh? I'll, I should go.

• 1:15:38Speaker 03

  I actually am excited to see you. I find it wondrous.

• 1:15:41Speaker 07

  That's great.

• 1:15:42Mark Normand?

  Which way is the best way to face? Face this way?

• 1:15:46Speaker 03

  I can see into your box. Does that matter?

• 1:15:48Speaker 07

  We should be okay. We're gonna have our first lovely assistant. Mr. Mark Norman's gonna come up and help us out. And everybody's gonna give him the big round of applause.

• 1:15:55Speaker 06

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:15:57Speaker 07

  That's awesome. Oh, you look fantastic. I'm gonna have you come right over here. Yeah, we look great. Come stand right over here. Face everybody's smile.

• 1:16:04Mark Normand?

  Alright, you got it.

• 1:16:05Speaker 07

  And I learned a trick this morning, just for you. Now I have a couple important questions. What's the most important thing in life?

• 1:16:13Mark Normand?

  Uh, anal?

• 1:16:14Speaker 07

  Anal. The answer's trust.

• 1:16:16Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:16:17Speaker 07

  You need to trust me, Seth the magician. You do everything right, you'll be fine.

• 1:16:21Mark Normand?

  Okay, I trust you.

• 1:16:23Speaker 07

  Two hands.

• 1:16:27Speaker 07

  Sam, the best part about this is if you tell people you're a magician, they do whatever you want. It's awesome.

• 1:16:32Speaker 06

  Wait, Mark is breaking up. Is that allowed?

• 1:16:34Speaker 07

  Um, that is allowed. Perfect. You can relax for one second. I'm gonna ask you two important questions. First important question, what's the most important thing in life?

• 1:16:45Mark Normand?

  Trust.

• 1:16:45Speaker 07

  Trust. Second important question, do you have any shoulder mobility issues?

• 1:16:49Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:16:50Speaker 07

  I know you have some back problems.

• 1:16:51Speaker 03

  It's better. I've gotten better.

• 1:16:53Speaker 06

  Joe doesn't have shoulders.

• 1:16:55Speaker 03

  Alright, enough.

• 1:16:56Speaker 07

  Here's what we're gonna do. Place both hands out for me. Alright, here's what we're gonna do. Place this in your left hand.

• 1:17:02Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 1:17:02Speaker 07

  I have my bottle of water. Pour it from Poland.

• 1:17:05Mark Normand?

  I can't believe we almost did the Rizler.

• 1:17:08Speaker 07

  I know you guys had O's on, so that's a big shoes to fill. Hopefully if we do this right, you'll be fine.

• 1:17:14Mark Normand?

  You're doing great. Wait, do I need water in this one?

• 1:17:17Speaker 07

  No, you're good. Just in this one.

• 1:17:25Speaker 07

  I thought that was fun. Place both hands on the cup. Turn face this way. Say, "I trust Seth the magician."

• 1:17:31Mark Normand?

  I trust Seth the magician.

• 1:17:33Speaker 07

  Perfect. Face forward.

• 1:17:34Mark Normand?

  Ah, then you gotta pour it on.

• 1:17:35Speaker 07

  Say hi. "I trust Seth the magician."

• 1:17:37Mark Normand?

  I trust Seth the magician.

• 1:17:38Speaker 07

  Right hand, place that over your head.

• 1:17:39Mark Normand?

  Oh geez.

• 1:17:40Speaker 07

  Your head's over here, buddy. On the count of three, we're gonna flip over those cups. You're gonna do this because you trust me. I'm your friends. Are you ready? Sam, you ready? Rachel?

• 1:17:49Mark Normand?

  Pour it on my head?

• 1:17:50Speaker 07

  Yeah, on the count of three. Help me count to three. We go, one, two, three, flip it over.

• 1:17:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:17:56Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:17:58Speaker 07

  And give him a big hand.

• 1:17:59Speaker 06

  Oh my.

• 1:18:00Speaker 03

  Interesting choice. Interesting choice. That you were so scared would have wandered it, you chose to almost dump it all over the equipment instead of your own hand.

• 1:18:08Speaker 07

  That's right. You can head back to your seat.

• 1:18:10Mark Normand?

  That was incredible.

• 1:18:11Speaker 06

  Now can you explain it to us?

• 1:18:13Speaker 07

  We're, yeah, we're gonna get to some explanations right now.

• 1:18:16Speaker 03

  They're, they're literally, the liter- you, that literally has to be magic that you just did.

• 1:18:22Speaker 07

  Yes, literally.

• 1:18:22Speaker 03

  There's no other way that could have been anything but magic.

• 1:18:25Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 1:18:26Speaker 03

  I watched you pour the water in. The cup never left your left hand.

• 1:18:31Mark Normand?

  I don't know what I'm doing.

• 1:18:32Speaker 03

  It has to be magic. Unless it's some kind of water that evaporates or something.

• 1:18:36Speaker 06

  I'll tell you what.

• 1:18:36Mark Normand?

  I'll tell you the truth.

• 1:18:38Speaker 03

  I mean, quickly evaporates. Yeah, did you ever see The Prestige?

• 1:18:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, great movie.

• 1:18:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, where he's like, he's like, you have to kill the bird. Like, that's the sacrifice. You want the bird disappearing trick to work? You have to kill the fucking bird.

• 1:18:50Speaker 07

  I just wanna go on record, that's not true in the slightest.

• 1:18:53Speaker 03

  Michael Caine said in The Prestige. That guy's a dick.

• 1:18:56Speaker 07

  That's true.

• 1:18:57Speaker 03

  That's my, best Christopher Nolan movie.

• 1:18:58Speaker 07

  Oh, Michael Caine says, and it must be fucking true.

• 1:19:03Speaker 06

  I'm a dumbass.

• 1:19:04Speaker 03

  You stupid slut.

• 1:19:05Mark Normand?

  Did you come in drunk? Man, pointless hole.

• 1:19:08Speaker 07

  I'm gonna need to catch up.

• 1:19:09Speaker 06

  I, I-

• 1:19:11Speaker 03

  Call her Pointless Hole.

• 1:19:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, go.

• 1:19:13Speaker 07

  Rachel, this, this is for you. Don't blink, or you'll miss it.

• 1:19:18Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:19:19Speaker 07

  No, I, I brought a, a, a modern version of, uh, one of the first tricks I used to do.

• 1:19:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:19:27Speaker 07

  Need, uh, need my trusty magic wand.

• 1:19:36Speaker 07

  Rachel, did you see what happened?

• 1:19:37Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:19:38Speaker 07

  It changed. And filled back up. Ta-da.

• 1:19:43Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:19:44Speaker 06

  Oh my gosh.

• 1:19:44Mark Normand?

  Wait, there's another one in there.

• 1:19:46Speaker 07

  I know what you're thinking, Mark.

• 1:19:49Speaker 07

  Change it back.

• 1:19:53Speaker 07

  Ta-da!

• 1:19:55Mark Normand?

  Aw, come on.

• 1:19:56Speaker 06

  How would...

• 1:19:56Speaker 03

  There's two bottles in there.

• 1:19:57Speaker 06

  Why would?

• 1:19:59Speaker 03

  That's, this is part of it, guys, just saying there's two bottles. There's gonna be like, no bottles in it in a second. He's gonna do it.

• 1:20:04Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:20:06Speaker 06

  Oh my god, that was crazy.

• 1:20:08Mark Normand?

  Can you reverse an abortion?

• 1:20:11Mark Normand?

  Whoa!

• 1:20:13Speaker 03

  I'm not drinking this cursed beer.

• 1:20:15Speaker 06

  I know.

• 1:20:16Speaker 03

  Whatever black magic he just soiled it with. That was nuts!

• 1:20:20Mark Normand?

  That was great!

• 1:20:21Speaker 03

  That's his piss, by the way.

• 1:20:22Speaker 07

  It is. Solely.

• 1:20:25Mark Normand?

  I want the magic piss.

• 1:20:26Speaker 07

  Sam, this is for you.

• 1:20:27Sam Morril?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:20:28Speaker 07

  Let's keep going.

• 1:20:28Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:20:29Speaker 07

  Sam, I'm gonna, I'm gonna tell you the truth. The, the lower the number, the quicker this goes.

• 1:20:35Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 1:20:35Speaker 07

  Can you pick a number for me between 1 and 52?

• 1:20:40Sam Morril?

  5.

• 1:20:41Speaker 07

  Beautiful. Any reason?

• 1:20:43Sam Morril?

  I'm thinking of a low number.

• 1:20:46Speaker 07

  Perfect. Now, here's what we're gonna do. I left a prediction. I'm gonna, uh...

• 1:20:51Speaker 07

  I'm gonna leave this right over here for you.

• 1:20:53Mark Normand?

  Would you say 5?

• 1:20:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:55Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:20:55Speaker 06

  Matt, can we play some soft piano music? Just some suspenseful.

• 1:21:00Speaker 07

  Sam, here's what we're gonna do. Watch, I'm gonna move this really slow. We're gonna, 1, 2, 3, 4. Actually, before we start, do you have a pocket? I'm gonna give you a prediction.

• 1:21:09Sam Morril?

  A pocket?

• 1:21:10Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:21:10Sam Morril?

  I don't have pockets in this. Oh, I do have pockets.

• 1:21:12Speaker 06

  You do!

• 1:21:13Speaker 07

  I'm gonna give you a prediction. Do me a favor.

• 1:21:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:17Speaker 07

  Place this in your pocket, don't look at it just yet.

• 1:21:19Speaker 06

  Not the one that's full of coins.

• 1:21:21Speaker 07

  Perfect. Alright, we're gonna go, we're gonna count to 5.

• 1:21:24Sam Morril?

  Aw, I like, that's a cute little kid there.

• 1:21:26Speaker 06

  That... aw.

• 1:21:27Speaker 07

  Alright, ready, Sam? We go 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. Keeping me, keeping me honest?

• 1:21:33Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 1:21:33Speaker 07

  Here, I'll, I'll do it like this, so everybody can see. Now, before we show you your card, I wanna tell you, it's not the same card.

• 1:21:41Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 1:21:41Speaker 07

  Cause there's only one of each. It's actually your card divided in half.

• 1:21:45Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 1:21:46Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute. Okay, here we go.

• 1:21:48Speaker 07

  Check it out.

• 1:21:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, me too.

• 1:21:52Mark Normand?

  Seven.

• 1:21:53Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 1:21:54Speaker 03

  Seven.

• 1:21:55Mark Normand?

  What about it?

• 1:21:57Speaker 07

  My prediction, shit, is your card divided in half.

• 1:22:01Sam Morril?

  So it would have to be 3.5.

• 1:22:03Mark Normand?

  I thought you were five.

• 1:22:05Speaker 07

  Alright, here, go ahead. Take a look for me.

• 1:22:09Sam Morril?

  What the fuck?

• 1:22:11Speaker 03

  Wait a minute.

• 1:22:12Mark Normand?

  Ah, three and a half.

• 1:22:14Speaker 03

  Wait a minute.

• 1:22:15Speaker 07

  Alright, Sam, here, I want to-

• 1:22:16Speaker 03

  I'm gonna be honest, I tuned out for the whole setup of that. What was the trick?

• 1:22:20Mark Normand?

  Nine and two.

• 1:22:20Speaker 06

  That's how they get you, Joe. That's how they get you.

• 1:22:24Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, that's a fuckin' deal.

• 1:22:26Mark Normand?

  You can't put an Asian girl on the screen.

• 1:22:29Speaker 03

  Alright, here, I wanna show you something.

• 1:22:30Mark Normand?

  Distracted by this kid, right? Yeah, you put an Asian girl on the screen, Deros is fucked.

• 1:22:34Speaker 07

  We go one, two, three, four. You didn't pick four, because four would have been blank.

• 1:22:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:40Speaker 07

  Six was blank. Actually, the whole deck-

• 1:22:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's showing how the sausage is not impressive.

• 1:22:46Speaker 06

  Oh my god, I love it when they show you.

• 1:22:48Speaker 07

  Is blank, except for one. Joe, do me a favor, before we started-

• 1:22:52Speaker 03

  I'm lost.

• 1:22:53Speaker 06

  But-

• 1:22:53Speaker 07

  Do me a favor, can you flip over that card box for me?

• 1:22:56Speaker 03

  What is it supposed to be that's gonna make us freak out? Yeah, it's gonna be a five, it's gonna be the number he said. I really, I'm sorry.

• 1:23:04Sam Morril?

  Posted with a shit attention span, trying to do magic here.

• 1:23:06Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:23:09Sam Morril?

  What does it say? Oh, okay, five.

• 1:23:10Speaker 06

  That's amazing. That is amazing.

• 1:23:12Sam Morril?

  That was good.

• 1:23:13Mark Normand?

  He's good.

• 1:23:13Speaker 06

  Do you know that, you know that episode of, um, like, The Simpsons when Homer's too dumb to, like, be, like, hypnotized, and they try to get him into a cult?

• 1:23:22Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:23:22Speaker 06

  That's what I feel like during that. They're really keep showing in the same movie, they're like, "Now what do you believe?" He's like, "I think that one guy was working for the other guy." Sometimes I feel like that, because, um, well, me and Joe run pretty dumb, but I can tell you're really good at this.

• 1:23:37Speaker 07

  We try, we try.

• 1:23:39Mark Normand?

  What about the wife? Is she gonna do stuff?

• 1:23:41Speaker 07

  She is just going to contemplate that she married a magician.

• 1:23:44Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:23:46Speaker 07

  Um, Joe, you're not doing anything.

• 1:23:47Speaker 03

  Nope.

• 1:23:48Speaker 07

  Do me a favor, um, I know as we might be drunk, so I brought along little shot glasses.

• 1:23:52Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:23:53Speaker 07

  Um, here's what I'm gonna ask you to do, um- Just check out that shot glass for me. See if there's any, uh, you see anything inside? You can't see through or anything like that? Perfect. Now.

• 1:24:03Speaker 03

  Now it's clean.

• 1:24:04Speaker 07

  Perfect. Now here's what I want you to do. Whatever number you want, I want you to just have it face up and place the shot glass on top and let me know when you're done.

• 1:24:13Speaker 03

  Now really, really though, really go crouch like in the corners. We know that you're not crouching.

• 1:24:18Mark Normand?

  Like a bad little boy.

• 1:24:20Speaker 03

  I, I, I, what would your name again, miss? I'm so sorry.

• 1:24:22Speaker 06

  Gabby.

• 1:24:23Speaker 03

  Gabby, I'd like you to also turn around.

• 1:24:25Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:24:25Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:24:26Speaker 03

  I would, I would, I have no sleep, no stone on turn here.

• 1:24:30Speaker 06

  Tell somebody to crouch.

• 1:24:31Speaker 03

  Wait, now what do I do once I have my number?

• 1:24:33Speaker 07

  Place, place it on top. Place the, the little glass on top.

• 1:24:37Speaker 03

  I don't trust that he's not feeding this guy a cr-.

• 1:24:39Speaker 06

  No one trusts Alec Hughes.

• 1:24:40Mark Normand?

  No, get out of here.

• 1:24:42Speaker 06

  Look at those two little rats whispering in each other's ears. I know what they're up to.

• 1:24:45Speaker 03

  Yes, sir.

• 1:24:46Speaker 07

  Into the shot glass on top?

• 1:24:47Mark Normand?

  You wanna check their papers?

• 1:24:48Speaker 07

  Alright, here's what I want you to do. I want you just, uh,

• 1:24:53Speaker 07

  just say one, two, three, four, five, six. I'm gonna, so there's really no such thing as magic. And so what we really try and do is read people. So I want you to do, just say one, two, three, four, five, six.

• 1:25:06Speaker 03

  I will say it. But I'm gonna say it like this.

• 1:25:09Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:25:10Speaker 06

  Oh, Christ.

• 1:25:12Speaker 03

  One, two, three, four, five, six.

• 1:25:14Speaker 07

  Say one more time?

• 1:25:17Mark Normand?

  Now I get why he's adopted.

• 1:25:18Speaker 06

  Well, I know, why would the dumbest person we know outsmart a magician?

• 1:25:23Speaker 07

  You pause at one, show me the two.

• 1:25:26Speaker 03

  I did not pause at one.

• 1:25:27Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:25:28Speaker 07

  Show me the two. Damn it.

• 1:25:30Mark Normand?

  Whoa, what are you paying this guy? Double it.

• 1:25:33Speaker 07

  Let's do this one more time.

• 1:25:34Speaker 03

  Let's do it one more time.

• 1:25:35Speaker 07

  Alright, Rachel's turn.

• 1:25:36Speaker 06

  By the way, this is the equivalent to, what you're doing to him is equivalent to like just some whole walking up at the cellar and being like, my friends and I are so freaking hilarious.

• 1:25:47Speaker 07

  I would rather do another Bar Mitzvah than magic for you.

• 1:25:49Speaker 03

  Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

• 1:25:52Speaker 07

  I'd rather do perform at another Bar Mitzvah than do magic for you.

• 1:25:57Speaker 07

  No, I'm just kidding.

• 1:25:58Speaker 03

  Wait, wait, go back to the corner.

• 1:25:59Speaker 07

  Okay.

• 1:26:01Speaker 06

  Stop giving him timeouts, you dicks.

• 1:26:03Speaker 03

  No, I wanna do this again. Hold on a second. I wanna do this. Can we do it one more time?

• 1:26:06Speaker 07

  Alright, let's do it one more time.

• 1:26:07Mark Normand?

  Jeez.

• 1:26:08Speaker 03

  What?

• 1:26:09Mark Normand?

  You gotta chip in for the pay.

• 1:26:10Speaker 03

  That's how funny, was he paid him by the hour?

• 1:26:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:26:13Speaker 03

  Oh, shit.

• 1:26:13Mark Normand?

  He's Jewish.

• 1:26:17Speaker 03

  Alright, my cup is covered.

• 1:26:19Mark Normand?

  Alright, we got a covered cup.

• 1:26:21Speaker 03

  I mean, my dice is covered, die is covered.

• 1:26:22Speaker 07

  Alright, here's what we're going to do.

• 1:26:24Speaker 03

  Alright, here's what I'm gonna...

• 1:26:25Speaker 07

  Every time, let's do a little different. Everything I ask you, I want you just to say no to. Just always respond no.

• 1:26:34Speaker 03

  But can I do the thing where I reset the numbers?

• 1:26:36Speaker 07

  Do me a favor, just go, uh, everything I say, just say no. Or do you want to do 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6? What do you want to do?

• 1:26:42Speaker 03

  I really would do 1, 2...

• 1:26:43Mark Normand?

  Let's do it.

• 1:26:44Sam Morril?

  This is...

• 1:26:45Mark Normand?

  You're like the guy whose birthday party it is. You're like, "What did I do?!"

• 1:26:48Speaker 06

  Just keep going. We've already established you're the worst.

• 1:26:51Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:26:52Speaker 03

  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6!

• 1:26:54Speaker 07

  One more time.

• 1:26:55Speaker 03

  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6!

• 1:26:56Mark Normand?

  Ah, I heard a pause.

• 1:26:58Speaker 07

  You heard it?

• 1:26:58Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:26:59Speaker 07

  At 3, show me the 3.

• 1:27:01Mark Normand?

  Wow!

• 1:27:03Speaker 03

  Did I pause at 3?

• 1:27:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you did.

• 1:27:05Speaker 06

  You did.

• 1:27:05Mark Normand?

  I caught it.

• 1:27:06Speaker 07

  So here's what we're gonna do.

• 1:27:08Speaker 03

  That's amazing, man, you're really good.

• 1:27:09Mark Normand?

  No poker face.

• 1:27:10Speaker 07

  Sam, I, uh, I got you a present.

• 1:27:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, come on, I hope it's a personality.

• 1:27:17Speaker 07

  No, we're gonna get back to it in 1 second. We'll just leave it right there for your matches, it looks beautiful.

• 1:27:21Mark Normand?

  That is a good match.

• 1:27:22Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:27:23Mark Normand?

  Well done.

• 1:27:23Speaker 03

  Maybe is there a better mood inside that box?

• 1:27:28Speaker 07

  So you made a 2-digit number, Joe, right? Alright, we're just gonna keep going.

• 1:27:34Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:27:35Speaker 07

  I don't want Sam to fall asleep on me. My hero falls asleep on me, it doesn't make me feel good.

• 1:27:39Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:27:40Speaker 07

  So you made a 2-digit number, correct?

• 1:27:43Speaker 03

  I made a 2?

• 1:27:44Speaker 07

  Yeah, your first number and your second number.

• 1:27:46Speaker 03

  Oh, yes, yes, okay.

• 1:27:47Speaker 07

  Here's, do, um...

• 1:27:49Mark Normand?

  Was it 2 and a 3?

• 1:27:50Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:27:50Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:27:50Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 1:27:51Speaker 07

  Uh, Mark, can you do me a favor?

• 1:27:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:52Speaker 07

  Just open up some of my notes here.

• 1:27:54Mark Normand?

  Ooh, the Notes app?

• 1:27:55Speaker 07

  The Notes app.

• 1:27:56Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:27:58Speaker 07

  Perfect, and I want you to, um, scroll down to, you should be at celebrities, your celebrities. Can you just, um, memorize who's at 23?

• 1:28:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:28:08Speaker 06

  Not.

• 1:28:09Mark Normand?

  I got it, can I show Rachel?

• 1:28:10Speaker 07

  Sure, but don't say it out loud for me.

• 1:28:12Speaker 06

  This is the most jarring porn I... Wait, what?

• 1:28:16Mark Normand?

  23.

• 1:28:17Speaker 06

  Okay, got it.

• 1:28:17Speaker 07

  And, uh, can you go, can you go back?

• 1:28:20Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:28:20Speaker 07

  And, uh, go to groceries?

• 1:28:23Mark Normand?

  Groceries, got it.

• 1:28:24Speaker 07

  Perfect. And I want to scroll again to 23 for me.

• 1:28:28Mark Normand?

  One cucumber, mineral oil. What number?

• 1:28:31Speaker 07

  23.

• 1:28:32Mark Normand?

  Okay, got it.

• 1:28:34Speaker 07

  Got it.

• 1:28:35Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:28:36Speaker 07

  Now Sam, you've been holding on to my prediction. You can just put that down if you want.

• 1:28:40Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:28:41Speaker 03

  This is fucking wild.

• 1:28:43Speaker 07

  You have two things in mind.

• 1:28:45Mark Normand?

  I got them both.

• 1:28:46Speaker 07

  You have a celebrity.

• 1:28:48Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:28:48Speaker 07

  As well as a grocery item.

• 1:28:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we both got it.

• 1:28:51Speaker 03

  This is insane what is about to happen right now.

• 1:28:54Speaker 07

  Sam, I got you a present. Can you open it up for me?

• 1:28:59Mark Normand?

  Oh geez.

• 1:29:00Speaker 03

  This is nuts.

• 1:29:02Mark Normand?

  You remember it, or are you just a bleeding gash?

• 1:29:04Speaker 06

  I am, in fact, a bleeding gash.

• 1:29:06Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:29:08Speaker 06

  But let me tell you.

• 1:29:10Mark Normand?

  Oh man.

• 1:29:11Speaker 07

  Oh, you need some scissors?

• 1:29:12Sam Morril?

  I do.

• 1:29:12Mark Normand?

  This is, if this is...

• 1:29:13Speaker 07

  You can punch it if you want.

• 1:29:14Mark Normand?

  If this is what I saw on the phone.

• 1:29:15Speaker 06

  Didn't you say once, didn't you say once, meat curtains was your favorite of all?

• 1:29:20Sam Morril?

  I do like meat curtains.

• 1:29:21Speaker 07

  Alright, Sam, here we go.

• 1:29:22Sam Morril?

  I do like meat curtains.

• 1:29:24Mark Normand?

  Hatchet wound.

• 1:29:25Speaker 06

  Oh, hatchet wound is me.

• 1:29:26Speaker 07

  What do we, what do we have?

• 1:29:27Mark Normand?

  Honey pot.

• 1:29:29Speaker 07

  Ooh, and...

• 1:29:30Sam Morril?

  From, uh...

• 1:29:32Mark Normand?

  Ernest Goes to Hell.

• 1:29:33Speaker 03

  Ernest Goes to, fill in the blank?

• 1:29:35Mark Normand?

  Jail, camp.

• 1:29:36Sam Morril?

  The Potato.

• 1:29:37Speaker 07

  Oh, were you, what were you think, that's not what you were thinking.

• 1:29:40Mark Normand?

  No, but I know you're not thrown off, are you there, Baldi?

• 1:29:44Speaker 03

  This is part of it. They do this, they do this. Ah, the trick didn't go right.

• 1:29:47Sam Morril?

  I have to say, this wasn't much of a present right here.

• 1:29:50Mark Normand?

  That's true. Ernest P. Laurel.

• 1:29:51Speaker 07

  I did, I did bring an emergency consolation gift.

• 1:29:55Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 1:29:56Speaker 06

  Ah, that's how they in fact get you.

• 1:30:00Mark Normand?

  No Jews in the building. Wait a minute, this is different too.

• 1:30:03Speaker 07

  The Jew owns this building, there's a giant, misses it when you walk in.

• 1:30:06Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:30:08Speaker 07

  Sam, uh, I feel really bad, so I brought, I brought a consolation prize. I brought a bunch of cereals.

• 1:30:15Mark Normand?

  Yum, Morril.

• 1:30:16Speaker 07

  Uh, yum, Morril.

• 1:30:18Mark Normand?

  I'll see you all in hell.

• 1:30:20Speaker 07

  Can you, can you do me a favor, Sam? Can you, uh, just take out any one of the cereals you want?

• 1:30:27Sam Morril?

  Just...

• 1:30:28Mark Normand?

  Pick a cereal, any cereal.

• 1:30:31Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 1:30:33Speaker 07

  Do you want to change your mind?

• 1:30:34Sam Morril?

  No.

• 1:30:35Speaker 07

  No?

• 1:30:35Mark Normand?

  Fruit Loop it is.

• 1:30:36Speaker 07

  Alright, can you do me a favor?

• 1:30:37Mark Normand?

  This is getting pretty elaborate Seth.

• 1:30:39Speaker 07

  Will you open, will you open that up for me?

• 1:30:42Mark Normand?

  Ohhh.

• 1:30:43Sam Morril?

  We're just here for hours. He's like, "I got you another cereal."

• 1:30:48Mark Normand?

  He's like, "Golden grand."

• 1:30:49Speaker 07

  Now go down the street.

• 1:30:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Turn there. Take out a dress.

• 1:30:54Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 1:30:55Speaker 07

  Alright, go ahead. Can you, can you, can you open that up for me?

• 1:30:59Speaker 07

  And can you un, uh, open up the cereal?

• 1:31:01Mark Normand?

  Oh my god, this is unbelievable.

• 1:31:03Sam Morril?

  Cause you were saying that you found prizes in here, right?

• 1:31:06Mark Normand?

  You got all, you got a shot of this guy? Okay, great. I don't, oh, that camera.

• 1:31:09Speaker 07

  Can you, uh, Sam, inside the cereal, there should be something.

• 1:31:13Mark Normand?

  Oh shit.

• 1:31:14Sam Morril?

  Joan Rivers eating Cheetos?

• 1:31:17Speaker 07

  Mark, what was it?

• 1:31:20Speaker 03

  Stop it.

• 1:31:22Mark Normand?

  Tell him, Rich.

• 1:31:23Speaker 06

  That is what it was. It was Joan Rivers eating Cheetos.

• 1:31:26Mark Normand?

  That was it.

• 1:31:27Speaker 06

  When Mark, when Mark started, he, he would bring a cane, kind of like, um, Keith Robinson's Marsh, cane he got at Marshall's.

• 1:31:34Mark Normand?

  Wow. I had a cane first.

• 1:31:36Speaker 07

  Alright, I want to show you guys one more thing than getting out of here.

• 1:31:38Speaker 06

  But you still got so much pussy with the cane?

• 1:31:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:41Speaker 07

  I doubt that's true.

• 1:31:42Speaker 06

  Didn't affect his puss numbers not one bit.

• 1:31:45Mark Normand?

  My stage name was Cane and Anal.

• 1:31:46Speaker 07

  Really?

• 1:31:47Speaker 03

  Off camera, off camera.

• 1:31:49Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 1:31:49Speaker 03

  I'm not trying to fuck you up, I'm really asking.

• 1:31:51Speaker 07

  Sure.

• 1:31:52Speaker 06

  Fuck's sake.

• 1:31:52Speaker 03

  If I tell you how I think you did that trick, and would you tell me if I was correct?

• 1:31:56Speaker 07

  Absolutely.

• 1:31:57Speaker 03

  Okay, alright.

• 1:31:58Speaker 07

  Absolutely.

• 1:31:58Speaker 06

  Can somebody just?

• 1:31:59Mark Normand?

  Can't, you can't let it down.

• 1:32:00Speaker 03

  I want magic to be real.

• 1:32:02Mark Normand?

  Well, it ain't.

• 1:32:03Speaker 03

  Oh, I, I mean, it could be. That fucking blew our minds.

• 1:32:07Mark Normand?

  So why don't you just enjoy it, instead of trying to get the, the truth out of the guy?

• 1:32:10Speaker 03

  Because I want to know what comes after we die.

• 1:32:12Mark Normand?

  I see.

• 1:32:12Speaker 03

  Yeah. And if magic is real, there's a chance something has happened.

• 1:32:16Mark Normand?

  Well, that got dark.

• 1:32:16Sam Morril?

  For you some really bad shit, Joe.

• 1:32:18Speaker 03

  Huh?

• 1:32:18Sam Morril?

  For you some really bad shit as I leave, as I die.

• 1:32:21Speaker 03

  I'm a great person.

• 1:32:21Speaker 06

  What happens after you die? Oh, it's a real mystery.

• 1:32:24Speaker 07

  Actually, uh, let's do, um,

• 1:32:26Mark Normand?

  You're killing it, by the way.

• 1:32:27Speaker 07

  Thank you, thank you.

• 1:32:28Mark Normand?

  Don't worry, and your wife is wildly turned on.

• 1:32:31Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 1:32:31Speaker 06

  Oh yeah. She are gonna close after this.

• 1:32:33Speaker 03

  She's like, "You made those nitwits laugh today."

• 1:32:37Speaker 07

  I love it. Sam, when you were a little kid, did you, uh...

• 1:32:42Mark Normand?

  Have a father?

• 1:32:42Speaker 07

  Did you ever have a magician come to your birthday party? Nah, that wouldn't be too much magic. I've listened to all of that.

• 1:32:47Mark Normand?

  He disappeared.

• 1:32:48Speaker 07

  Did you ever have a magician come to your birthday party?

• 1:32:49Sam Morril?

  I don't think so.

• 1:32:50Speaker 07

  No. Magician come to your birthday party?

• 1:32:52Mark Normand?

  I wish. My parents didn't work around.

• 1:32:54Speaker 06

  Sam didn't have birthday parties because his daddy didn't love him.

• 1:32:58Speaker 07

  That's true, I know. Or he wouldn't have called him a biological father.

• 1:33:03Mark Normand?

  You know Jews don't celebrate birthdays?

• 1:33:05Speaker 07

  That's true.

• 1:33:06Sam Morril?

  This Silly Billy, he was a big time... You knew Silly Billy, right?

• 1:33:09Speaker 07

  I know him personally.

• 1:33:10Speaker 06

  And I had birthday parties when they were all at thrift stores because we were poor. And that's the same place Joe performs in his tour.

• 1:33:17Sam Morril?

  What the fuck is happening?

• 1:33:20Speaker 07

  Alright, do me a favor. Hold out both your hands, face down, towards me.

• 1:33:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, breathalyzer?

• 1:33:26Speaker 07

  Hold. I'm gonna draw a picture. I'm gonna show it to Sam first. It's a person.

• 1:33:31Sam Morril?

  Alright, let me see.

• 1:33:36Speaker 07

  Do you know who this is?

• 1:33:38Sam Morril?

  It's a penis.

• 1:33:39Speaker 07

  No, it's not a penis. Joe.

• 1:33:40Sam Morril?

  No, what is it? Do I know who it is?

• 1:33:42Speaker 07

  Yeah, it's a person.

• 1:33:43Mark Normand?

  Rachel's getting her pills.

• 1:33:45Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ?

• 1:33:46Speaker 07

  No, it's my ex-girlfriend.

• 1:33:47Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 1:33:49Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:33:49Sam Morril?

  It goes across.

• 1:33:50Speaker 07

  Here's what I want you to do. Uh, Sam, do me a favor. Tap one of, uh, Mark's hands.

• 1:33:56Speaker 07

  Place your other hand down. Mark, did you feel it happen?

• 1:34:02Speaker 07

  They never do.

• 1:34:03Mark Normand?

  I should have faked it.

• 1:34:05Speaker 07

  Take a look.

• 1:34:08Mark Normand?

  Whoa, the mark of the beast. How'd you do it there, Seth?

• 1:34:12Speaker 06

  You worked good.

• 1:34:13Mark Normand?

  Man, that was great.

• 1:34:15Speaker 07

  Alright, guys, well, thanks for having me.

• 1:34:17Mark Normand?

  Figure that one out for us.

• 1:34:18Sam Morril?

  I had a woman do that to me, but with HPV. Wasn't as good.

• 1:34:23Mark Normand?

  I know that chick.

• 1:34:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that was great.

• 1:34:25Speaker 07

  Thanks, man. I appreciate it.

• 1:34:27Mark Normand?

  How'd he do that? That's incredible.

• 1:34:29Speaker 07

  Have a great, uh, whatever you're celebrating.

• 1:34:33Speaker 06

  Thank you so much.

• 1:34:34Sam Morril?

  Thank you, very good.

• 1:34:35Mark Normand?

  Where are you gonna be, uh, this weekend or what's the...

• 1:34:37Speaker 06

  Um, it's, uh, Rachel, uh, it's, I'm gonna be in New York Comedy Club in Stanford.

• 1:34:43Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:34:43Speaker 06

  And a bunch of other places. Just go to, um, Punch Up Live and you can find my dates there. Rachel Feinstein. Just go to Punch Up Live or watch my Netflix special. It's called Big Guy. It's streaming now.

• 1:34:53Mark Normand?

  Indianapolis, Nashville, Alka, Connecticut. I'm looking at your dates.

• 1:34:58Speaker 06

  Oh, oh.

• 1:34:58Mark Normand?

  It went away, but yeah.

• 1:34:59Speaker 06

  Oh, thank you, Mark.

• 1:35:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, there we go. Eugene, Oregon. She's in Illinois, uh, Maryland and San Diego.

• 1:35:07Speaker 06

  I'm also in Austin at the mothership. This is my, most of my dates are up at Punch Up, not here.

• 1:35:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, fun.

• 1:35:12Speaker 06

  Just go to Punch Up Live, yeah. That's fine.

• 1:35:14Mark Normand?

  Hey, Punch Up, love it.

• 1:35:16Sam Morril?

  We're all on Punch Up.

• 1:35:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, we're all on Punch Up. All our dates are on Punch Up.

• 1:35:19Sam Morril?

  Are you on there? You should get on there.

• 1:35:21Speaker 03

  I will.

• 1:35:21Speaker 06

  Yeah. Happy Hanukkah.

• 1:35:22Speaker 03

  I will. I'm bodying my time.

• 1:35:24Mark Normand?

  Happy Hanukkah.

• 1:35:26Speaker 03

  Uh, are we plugging?

• 1:35:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, plug.

• 1:35:28Mark Normand?

  Plug it up.

• 1:35:29Speaker 03

  Well, I'm, I'm, next year, uh, my new tour, the joystick tour starts in, uh, January 2025. First cities are Toronto and San Diego. Uh, come out. joederosa.com for tickets and come to Joey Roses in New York. Joey Roses NYC, uh, dot com. And, uh, we have sandwiches. Bar. It's awesome. Trying to get Bodega Cat in there.

• 1:35:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:35:51Speaker 03

  What are we doing, guys?

• 1:35:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, the rep is on his way, so we'll yell at him.

• 1:35:54Speaker 06

  It is a fun bar. Yeah, everybody go to, go to Joe's Bar.

• 1:35:57Speaker 03

  So come through, please. Thank you. And, um, and, uh, yeah. And then my podcast, We'll See You in Hell, is still out there.

• 1:36:04Speaker 06

  Baby.

• 1:36:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God. Thank you. I'll open it off air.

• 1:36:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, buy Bodega Cat, bodeagacatwhiskey.com. I'll be in, uh, San Antonio, January 3rd and 4th. And then, uh, Liberty Township, Ohio, 10th and, uh, 11th. And then Pittsburgh Improv, the 23rd through the 25th. And then it's all bus shit, just all theaters and stuff. So Charlotte, Richmond, Philly, DC, Bethlehem, Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, goes on and on. Samerol.com slash shows or just go to Punch Up. Memphis, tickets are fucking not moving, so come on, Memphis.

• 1:36:40Speaker 06

  Come on, Memphis. Also, I, I, um, so when my husband was, uh, at the firehouse, he had like this other farmer come over to like help me with stuff around the house, which I know sounds like the beginning of a porn.

• 1:36:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:50Speaker 06

  But, um, he freaked out when he saw that I had a Bodega Cat t-shirt. He's like, you know the Bodega Cat guys?

• 1:36:58Mark Normand?

  Hey, all right.

• 1:36:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, apparently they all drink the whiskey and he was like obsessed. And I was like, yeah, I'll bring you one. And he couldn't give a fuck about anything else, but the fact that he knew that I knew the Bodega Cat guys. And he was like, it's the best fucking whiskey. And he knows because he's a throbbing alcoholic.

• 1:37:12Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah, that's our market.

• 1:37:13Sam Morril?

  That's our market, baby.

• 1:37:14Mark Normand?

  We gotta send them a case, old ladder of 48.

• 1:37:17Sam Morril?

  Let's do it.

• 1:37:18Speaker 06

  Sure. Yes, everybody loves Bodega Cat, I'm telling you. It's making waves.

• 1:37:22Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah. Get on that, uh, get on the Bodega train and get behind the wheel of that big red truck. Drive it right into the schoolhouse.

• 1:37:30Speaker 06

  Schoolhouse is great.

• 1:37:31Sam Morril?

  Without a fire on your job and bring one back home with you.

• 1:37:35Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:37:36Sam Morril?

  What do you got, Mark?

• 1:37:37Mark Normand?

  I'll be back in the clubs, going to Houston Improv, then the Stand Up Live in Phoenix, where you just did the Celebrity Theater, and I'll be at Addison Improv in Dallas, and then the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, then I got a make-up date with Asheville, not to be confused with Gashville, where Rachel's from.

• 1:37:55Speaker 06

  Where I am.

• 1:37:55Mark Normand?

  And, uh, yeah, that's a make-up date for the hurricane.

• 1:37:59Speaker 06

  Jesus and Mary gave birth to me in Gashville.

• 1:38:03Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, what's that old Geraldo joke about the baby Jesus? That's a woman who really stuck to her story.

• 1:38:09Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:38:10Speaker 06

  That's great.

• 1:38:11Mark Normand?

  He's funny. Funny guy, whatever happened to him? But, uh, yeah, keep a lookout for Geraldo and Geraldo and we're here, we're queer, thanks a lot, we might be drunk, Rachel was on for 11 minutes.

• 1:38:23Speaker 06

  This Bible study was off the fucking chain!

• 1:38:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah!