Ari Shaffir - w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Ari Shaffir joins Mark and Sam for a wild, globe-trotting episode covering his eight-month trip through South America, getting denied entry into Nicaragua, partying in Medellín, and sneaking booze into soccer games in ways you definitely should not try. They also get into Knicks playoff hopes, travel loneliness, and why Americans are way too confident abroad. They dive into the art of storytelling in comedy, why comedians might be putting out too much content without actually living life, and how taking time away can actually make you better. Plus, bachelor party chaos, street dogs, cheap beer, and some truly unhinged travel stories. Check out Ari Shaffir’s new storytelling series The End, featuring comics like Mark Normand, Shane Gillis, Dan Soder, and more https://theend.ymhstudios.com/ Sponsored by: Fuel your day with IQBAR. Get 20 percent off all IQBAR products plus free shipping. Text DRUNK to 64000 #sponsored Get covered with Ethos Life Insurance https://www.ethos.com/drunk #sponsored Try Willie's Remedy THC tonic for a buzz without the hangoverhttps://drinkwillies.com Code WMBD #sponsored Get rid of pests the easy way with Pestiehttps://pestie.com/mightbedrunk 10 percent off #sponsored Start selling online with Shopify https://shopify.com/drunk #sponsored Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com@GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #AriShaffir #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Those are real boards, Peters.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, boy. Take them outside and do some tricks.

• 0:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Maybe we should put the... No, no, no. Don't cross them. Yeah, yeah, show them. Maybe the bodega cat one we put, uh... No, no, put it like right here. Should we put the, uh... Bodega... We could hang it up there.

• 0:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we could hang it up, right?

• 0:21Sam Morril?

  Might be... Might be too tall, though, for a camera.

• 0:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  Put it on that, like, pillar?

• 0:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there you go.

• 0:26Sam Morril?

  We could get rid of the YouTube thing. Who cares about that?

• 0:29Speaker 01

  A hundred thousand, that's a big fucking deal.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  My kid... My kid saw that, and he was like, "You got one of those?"

• 0:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah. People care about that.

• 0:37Speaker 01

  People give a shit.

• 0:38Mark Normand?

  Where are we at now? Have we gone up?

• 0:40Speaker 01

  To... Eight.

• 0:41Mark Normand?

  All right, all right.

• 0:42Sam Morril?

  Do we get one for... When's the next one you get?

• 0:44Speaker 01

  A million.

• 0:45Sam Morril?

  A million?

• 0:45Mark Normand?

  Damn, that's tough.

• 0:46Speaker 03

  That's insane. A hundred thousand, a million.

• 0:49Mark Normand?

  I know, right? Big jump.

• 0:51Sam Morril?

  Guess we're keeping that up.

• 0:53Mark Normand?

  I've never seen Sal, like, he's defended anything like that in my life. "Are you fucking kidding me? That's a big deal!"

• 0:58Sam Morril?

  Are we recording? Should we just... Should we just keep that?

• 1:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, go ahead. Keep all that in.

• 1:03Sam Morril?

  That was kinda stupid.

• 1:04Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:04Sam Morril?

  Hey, guys.

• 1:05Mark Normand?

  Can we shit on Guy, or no?

• 1:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, so we were supposed to have Guy Fieri.

• 1:09Sam Morril?

  Let's not, let's not.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  Not shit on him, but like... We should talk about it. Yeah.

• 1:13Mark Normand?

  We're supposed to have Guy on, but he's in a...

• 1:14Sam Morril?

  We're supposed to have Guy Fieri on the podcast today.

• 1:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18Sam Morril?

  And I guess he shook Andrew Tate's hand, and we didn't have him.

• 1:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  We're going from Guy to Goy? Wait, no.

• 1:25Mark Normand?

  No. Guy to no Goy.

• 1:27Speaker 01

  Yes. We're gonna have an Ari Shaffir on there.

• 1:29Sam Morril?

  I guess this isn't the email... The image rehabilitation pod.

• 1:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit!

• 1:34Speaker 01

  Welcome back.

• 1:35Mark Normand?

  He's wearing a romper.

• 1:36Sam Morril?

  Look at this.

• 1:37Mark Normand?

  Watch out.

• 1:37Sam Morril?

  Holy shit!

• 1:38Mark Normand?

  Looking good. There he is.

• 1:40Sam Morril?

  You're dressed like a pregnant woman. What the hell happened?

• 1:44Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah!

• 1:45Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, piss. Have you started?

• 1:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, go piss.

• 1:47Mark Normand?

  Yes, you're on air.

• 1:48Speaker 04

  I'm not pissing bottles. Now you gotta fucking...

• 1:50Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:50Speaker 04

  ...beating down a bar container. I can't piss in bottles anymore.

• 1:52Mark Normand?

  God, I hope you're wearing underwear.

• 1:54Speaker 03

  You have to drink the beer really quick for him to pee in a bottle.

• 1:57Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, true.

• 1:58Sam Morril?

  What is that? What kind of beer is that? Oh Colombian beer.

• 2:01Mark Normand?

  Looks damn good.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Club Colombia Dorado.

• 2:04Mark Normand?

  You know, the lime in the beer is a full on white guy appropriation. They don't do that.

• 2:08Sam Morril?

  But you know what? I'll be damned. It works.

• 2:10Mark Normand?

  It works. I like it.

• 2:12Sam Morril?

  There's something about those Corona.

• 2:14Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 2:14Sam Morril?

  You feel like you're on vacation.

• 2:15Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes, exactly. Uh, when I was in college, we all went down to Mexico, it got pretty wild. But the Dos Equis were a quarter.

• 2:24Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 2:25Mark Normand?

  It was a different time.

• 2:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I remember how cheap Chacates used to be like a dollar at the creek.

• 2:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's right. That's right.

• 2:31Sam Morril?

  God damn.

• 2:31Mark Normand?

  That's like a Mexican PBR.

• 2:34Sam Morril?

  It kinda hit though.

• 2:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they weren't bad.

• 2:36Sam Morril?

  Throw a little lime in one of those cans.

• 2:37Mark Normand?

  That's true. I drank a lot of them.

• 2:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that was alright.

• 2:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, back then you'd just, you'd wake up, you'd have diarrhea and then you were back.

• 2:44Sam Morril?

  I'm just not a big beer guy.

• 2:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I gave it up with my old age.

• 2:48Sam Morril?

  It's not my go to. I'd rather have like a whiskey or like a cocktail or something like.

• 2:54Mark Normand?

  But beer looks good. Like you see a baseball game with a big glass of beer. I'm like, oh, in the sun.

• 3:00Sam Morril?

  It's the peeing for me that's the issue.

• 3:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, the peeing. Yeah, you already pee. Like you already pee a lot without beer.

• 3:06Sam Morril?

  Well, coffee.

• 3:07Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 3:08Sam Morril?

  And then you, you know, in this fucking heat, you gotta drink some water.

• 3:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but yeah, beer, you know, like the Shawshank Redemption, the roof scene with that bucket of gold beers. Ah, man, that's heaven. But I'm with you. Hey, look at it. It looks like Jesus in spring break.

• 3:25Sam Morril?

  This is wild.

• 3:27Mark Normand?

  Well, it's shaking, man. What is that, linen?

• 3:29Sam Morril?

  Uh, I don't know.

• 3:30Mark Normand?

  That's nice.

• 3:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, right? Feel it. A little higher.

• 3:33Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 3:34Sam Morril?

  A little higher. Rub it up.

• 3:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you look like an old map.

• 3:38Sam Morril?

  So you, you, you had a little of the diarrhea?

• 3:41Speaker 04

  It wasn't, yeah, it hasn't really stopped. I brought, I ate some street meat in Brazil like day before I left. Like closing time street meat.

• 3:47Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 3:48Speaker 04

  And it has, I have had like.

• 3:50Sam Morril?

  It's lingering.

• 3:50Speaker 04

  Two logs since I've been home.

• 3:52Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 3:53Speaker 04

  Two logs. Rest just. I'm sorry, ma'am, I don't.

• 3:56Mark Normand?

  Still.

• 3:59Speaker 04

  Nice to meet you too.

• 4:00Mark Normand?

  Alright, I guess we're going for it. It's summer, baby. The summer here, we're having a heat wave this week.

• 4:04Sam Morril?

  This is so annoying.

• 4:04Speaker 04

  I love it.

• 4:05Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 4:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, you can, only time you can wear this outfit.

• 4:08Mark Normand?

  That's true. That and Coachella.

• 4:10Sam Morril?

  I'm in one of those old buildings where they can't switch all the way to AC yet.

• 4:14Speaker 04

  Oh, they're like, no, it's not on yet. We have it committed to being warm.

• 4:17Mark Normand?

  Brutal.

• 4:18Sam Morril?

  And climate change, it's going back and forth and back and forth.

• 4:21Mark Normand?

  It's like a woman with her moods.

• 4:23Speaker 04

  Yeah. And what never changes is landlords. We're still gonna do the minimum.

• 4:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 4:28Sam Morril?

  It's just annoying.

• 4:28Mark Normand?

  Well, you guys know all them.

• 4:31Sam Morril?

  We have the direct line that's not working.

• 4:33Speaker 04

  I know. If we can't get it to work.

• 4:35Mark Normand?

  Does the phone ring by going, have a, have a, okay?

• 4:39Speaker 04

  I missed you guys.

• 4:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's good to have you back there. You look like the gay Ayatollah.

• 4:45Sam Morril?

  Or the Ayatollah.

• 4:48Mark Normand?

  One was gay, apparently. I hope you heard that.

• 4:50Speaker 04

  I had to L.A.'s.

• 4:51Mark Normand?

  Hey, yeah. Does he throw himself off a roof? Okay, I've made that joke about 900 times.

• 4:58Speaker 04

  I don't know the history.

• 4:59Mark Normand?

  So you're right back in East Village, you're back home with the dog and the...

• 5:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, dog's not, dog's not here yet.

• 5:04Mark Normand?

  What do you mean?

• 5:05Speaker 04

  Dog's still hanging out, because I'm in and out, so I had to leave her at the fucking sitters.

• 5:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, weird.

• 5:09Speaker 04

  I'm in and out, running around the country, doing pods like this.

• 5:12Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 5:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:14Mark Normand?

  Well, Guy Fieri canceled, so...

• 5:16Speaker 04

  It's time for the playoffs.

• 5:17Sam Morril?

  I'm fired up, dude.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  One of the best times to be in New York is Yankees and now lately, Knicks playoffs.

• 5:23Sam Morril?

  Did you kind of plan your return around baseball in the playoffs?

• 5:25Speaker 04

  Well, first I looked at the hockey standings and I said, no, no rush.

• 5:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:30Speaker 04

  It turns out, no rush at all.

• 5:31Mark Normand?

  Not doing great, the Rangers.

• 5:32Speaker 04

  And then, um, and yeah, I mean...

• 5:35Sam Morril?

  Fired up.

• 5:36Speaker 04

  Yeah. Baseball's back.

• 5:37Mark Normand?

  Woo! Oh, you messed the Yankees.

• 5:39Speaker 04

  Knicks playoffs, Yankees, Knicks playoffs is the best.

• 5:43Sam Morril?

  The city takes on a different energy.

• 5:45Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 5:45Sam Morril?

  Who knows when this, when's this coming out? Two weeks? Two weeks? All right, so hopefully we...

• 5:49Speaker 04

  They're not out by now. No way are they out.

• 5:52Sam Morril?

  No, I think we got the Hawks, for sure.

• 5:53Speaker 04

  If they're out, you're doing an Ayatollah, for sure.

• 5:58Sam Morril?

  If they're out, I'll welcome it. I mean, shit, no, we're taking the Hawks now.

• 6:02Mark Normand?

  I mean, is there any team you're worried about?

• 6:04Sam Morril?

  The Cel- yeah, every team. The Celtics, the Pistons, the...

• 6:07Mark Normand?

  Pistons, yeah.

• 6:08Sam Morril?

  The Thunder in the West.

• 6:09Speaker 04

  We're looking past the Pistons.

• 6:10Sam Morril?

  Pistons are fucking tough.

• 6:11Speaker 04

  It's the, it's the, um, what's it called? The popular pick to go in there.

• 6:16Sam Morril?

  What the Pistons are?

• 6:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, everyone's going, it's the Celtics or the Knicks. I'm like, what about the number one seed?

• 6:21Mark Normand?

  Sleeper.

• 6:21Sam Morril?

  And they're tough.

• 6:22Mark Normand?

  What does Calci say about the Knicks?

• 6:25Sam Morril?

  Oh, don't show me, because it's gonna depress me.

• 6:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but you-

• 6:27Speaker 04

  What is that, an AI?

• 6:28Mark Normand?

  Calci is like a betting prediction site that knows all. They usually get everything right.

• 6:33Speaker 04

  You got Kate's Alteca? That's fucking wild that you found that.

• 6:37Sam Morril?

  We heard you-

• 6:37Speaker 04

  That is nuts.

• 6:38Sam Morril?

  You've been on an adventure. Peters went all out for it.

• 6:41Mark Normand?

  He's crazy.

• 6:42Sam Morril?

  What are we starting with? What drink do we start with?

• 6:45Mark Normand?

  Yes, lead the way, Ari.

• 6:46Speaker 04

  I mean, that is bathtub liquor. That is watermelon, like-

• 6:52Sam Morril?

  I'm a follow-up my endoscopy Friday. This will be good for me.

• 6:56Speaker 04

  We end with that one, okay.

• 7:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, let's do it.

• 7:00Speaker 04

  It's a pretty good idea.

• 7:01Mark Normand?

  Let's do it.

• 7:02Speaker 04

  I mean, any shot you take, I'll tell you something about that country.

• 7:05Sam Morril?

  We've done these, I remember Ari took one of these at my place ones, and I'm like, yeah, these help your hangover. And then he texts me the next day, he's like, they didn't do anything. I'm like, well, not if you have 40 drinks.

• 7:15Speaker 04

  Sam made pitchers, that's not cool.

• 7:16Sam Morril?

  I know, I made pitchers and you went out with my boy Dan Hall from The Cellar, who is-

• 7:20Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 7:21Mark Normand?

  Pictures of what?

• 7:22Speaker 04

  Booze.

• 7:23Sam Morril?

  Boulevardier pitchers and paper planes.

• 7:25Mark Normand?

  Wow, a pitcher of that.

• 7:27Sam Morril?

  A lot of bodega cat was going down there.

• 7:29Mark Normand?

  Look at that, it feels like The Rock. We got our own vial.

• 7:31Speaker 04

  Can I tell you something I've learned from this podcast?

• 7:33Sam Morril?

  Ari looks like it's an AIDS vial right now.

• 7:38Speaker 04

  Why chase the bug? Well, you could drink it in a shot.

• 7:41Mark Normand?

  It's a little prep.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  It's the classiest outsider drink you can get, is a Boulevardier.

• 7:48Mark Normand?

  It's really good.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  Bartenders go, oh.

• 7:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  Coming right up.

• 7:52Mark Normand?

  Exactly, and it's got a little French twang, Boulevardier.

• 7:55Speaker 04

  Uh huh. I try a Godfather a lot, that's my house drink, nice shot.

• 7:59Sam Morril?

  We drank it at your place once, remember?

• 8:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, but a lot of times bartender's like, I can look that up. I'm like, don't look it up, you're not gonna make it right. How about a Boulevardier? And they're like, yes, sir.

• 8:07Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 8:08Sam Morril?

  What is a Godfather again? What's in it? Scotch, right?

• 8:11Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:12Mark Normand?

  You know?

• 8:13Speaker 03

  It's like Scotch and soda, isn't it just a really-

• 8:15Speaker 04

  No, it's a, it's a, what's that? Maraschino, like liquor.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, see, that's, we don't have that at Stumble.

• 8:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Not a lot of Godfathers, but it's a-

• 8:24Mark Normand?

  Woo!

• 8:25Speaker 04

  All right.

• 8:25Sam Morril?

  Oh, lefty.

• 8:26Mark Normand?

  That's three in a row. Oh, the guy who plays basketball.

• 8:32Mark Normand?

  Alright, there we go. Pull up Godfather, uh, drink there, Sally.

• 8:37Speaker 04

  It was, uh, what's the name?

• 8:38Mark Normand?

  Champagne cocktails and their Sierra Madres? You're talking about?

• 8:42Speaker 04

  No, the Godfather drink.

• 8:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they make-

• 8:44Speaker 04

  No champagne.

• 8:45Mark Normand?

  I'm saying it's a reference in The Godfather. You're talking about an actual drink?

• 8:48Speaker 04

  Oh, yes. It was that guy. Who played the Godfather?

• 8:50Mark Normand?

  Marlon Brando?

• 8:51Speaker 04

  His favorite drink.

• 8:52Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 8:52Speaker 04

  Really? So they named her The Godfather. All of South America, it's called the Padron.

• 8:56Mark Normand?

  Whoa. Okay, Marlon Brando, look at that.

• 9:01Speaker 04

  The Godfather.

• 9:02Mark Normand?

  Scotch whiskey and Amaretto.

• 9:04Speaker 04

  His favorite meal when it sounded sexy. Yeah. Twelve ribeyes.

• 9:07Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 9:08Speaker 04

  It's one to one. Petier the better, it offsets the Amaretto, but blended, they, they ask for, which is like, not in my house. That's it? It's just Scotch and Amaretto? Yeah. That's nothing, damn. It's, it's supposedly blended Scotch, but when I bring people to my home, you're getting single malt.

• 9:22Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah. I, uh, did Shea Shea and you, oh, we have, we have Disaronno, that's different.

• 9:27Speaker 04

  No, no, that, that works. That's Amaretto.

• 9:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 9:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, a little orange peel, you got that?

• 9:33Speaker 03

  We have so much citrus, but not orange peel.

• 9:36Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  We've got all the stuff for caperinas, pisco sour.

• 9:39Speaker 04

  Caperinas? Okay. Holy shit. Okay. We're taking Ari's journey seriously.

• 9:44Mark Normand?

  Okay, which one are we doing?

• 9:45Speaker 04

  Well-

• 9:46Speaker 03

  The lime and the sugar.

• 9:47Speaker 04

  Wow, the last place I went, this was my outfit for Carnival.

• 9:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 9:51Speaker 04

  So, I had drank so many caperinas during Carnival. Nice. So is that what we start with?

• 9:56Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 9:57Speaker 04

  It takes a while to make. Have you already, have you already macerated the-

• 10:00Mark Normand?

  Why don't we crack open a few Club Colombias for an appetizer while you make a, whatever the hell, carnanina?

• 10:07Speaker 04

  The only problem with caperina is when you ask for it, you're like on the go, you're like, ah, give me a caperina, cool, I'm low, and then it's like fifteen minutes later. Are you serious? Why? They make them with care. They have to like, they cut the lives, start smashing them down. It takes a while.

• 10:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  Do we all want beer?

• 10:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, we'll start with one.

• 10:24Mark Normand?

  We'll start with a beer, it's a, tide you over.

• 10:26Speaker 04

  It's a hot day.

• 10:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you got that right.

• 10:27Speaker 04

  Caperina is one of the best drinks for taking into the, into the water with you.

• 10:31Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 10:32Speaker 04

  You just like get a beach bar, you're like, can I, I'm like, yeah, I don't give a shit, and you just take your glass right in there, drink it in the waves. Give us the rundown, where, where did you start? Started in Mexico.

• 10:40Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 10:41Speaker 04

  Um-

• 10:43Mark Normand?

  Hey, look at that, we're back, baby. What a time to be alive. Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay.

• 10:52Speaker 04

  Club Columbia, wait.

• 10:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's lovely.

• 10:54Speaker 04

  Oh, that hits.

• 10:55Mark Normand?

  Very nice. Love a brown bottle. Dorado.

• 11:01Mark Normand?

  Golden Lager.

• 11:02Speaker 04

  First time I've had one of these, not this trip. I took Spanish class in 2018 in, um, in, uh, outside Medellin, in Regato. And, um, there are all these like pool halls with those no-pocket pool tables.

• 11:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 11:12Speaker 04

  Billiards. And all the old men are playing it. They like shift, like they have these like scorekeepers up there and they just twist them with their, with their sticks. It was so cool. And I just sat and watched them and drank some of these.

• 11:23Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 11:23Speaker 04

  But that was like.

• 11:24Sam Morril?

  Were you solo for that one?

• 11:25Speaker 04

  That was solo. Yeah, I lived with a family.

• 11:27Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 11:28Speaker 04

  For like two weeks to try to like hit it off with their kid.

• 11:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 04

  No Epstein stuff. Just, uh, yeah.

• 11:37Mark Normand?

  Do you feel like your blood pressure and all that just went way down cortisol levels? You're out with no phone, in the jungle, drinking capayares.

• 11:47Speaker 04

  Caparines.

• 11:48Mark Normand?

  Caparines.

• 11:49Sam Morril?

  Do you keep up with anything going back in America or in news or anything?

• 11:53Speaker 04

  Okay, early on, I was keeping up with the Yankees.

• 11:55Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 11:56Speaker 04

  Cause I'm like, diehard, you know?

• 11:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  And it was like, kind of the playoff push. And then I realized after about five days, I'm like, this is taking me out of it. I'm checking like two to three times per game updates. And then, and then I was off news completely, but I'm like, that's the only thing I'll check in. I'm like, this is dragging me back to America mentally.

• 12:11Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 12:13Speaker 04

  So I was like, I'm gonna check in. What's, what's 10 days before the playoffs? I'm gonna see how they're doing.

• 12:17Sam Morril?

  American news must be so much funnier from like a beach in another country. You're just chilling on like, you know, having a caparina. You're like, Trump started shit with the Pope? What the hell? This is crazy.

• 12:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 12:27Speaker 04

  You know how I found out about Venezuela? I was on a overnight bus and I just see like three or four screens, like, you know, when you're looking at other people's like phones? When you're on like a plane or something? And I'm looking at three, it's like, do you consider Maduro a valid leader? Or like a legitimate leader? I'm like, why is everyone researching that?

• 12:43Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 12:44Speaker 04

  He was already gone.

• 12:45Sam Morril?

  And where were you when?

• 12:46Speaker 04

  I was, I was headed to Uruguay from Argentina. It's probably somewhere in Argentina.

• 12:53Mark Normand?

  Wow. Damn.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, and.

• 12:56Mark Normand?

  The Maduro thing was pretty cool.

• 12:58Speaker 04

  People were fighting on it.

• 12:59Mark Normand?

  I mean, just how easy it was.

• 13:01Speaker 04

  In and out.

• 13:02Mark Normand?

  In and out.

• 13:02Sam Morril?

  It was nice to get a smooth, uh, a smooth W.

• 13:05Mark Normand?

  And I think he thought Iran was gonna be as smooth as well, and then that was a shit show, but...

• 13:09Speaker 04

  I don't really know, I haven't kept up on that one at all.

• 13:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a whole nother thing.

• 13:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, but then I had some Uruguayan guy, Hironimo, he's like, "Why is it always America? I guess something had to be done. Why always you guys?" And I'm like, "Yeah, fair." Totally fair. I'm like, "You ain't gonna do it Uruguay."

• 13:24Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 13:24Speaker 04

  "You ain't gonna do it."

• 13:25Mark Normand?

  You got gay in your name.

• 13:29Sam Morril?

  You do in other parts, like, other parts of the world, you just say you're American and they're just pissed.

• 13:33Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 13:34Sam Morril?

  We were in Berlin, and I was with my buddy, and he was trying to get laid at some, like, hipster bar in Berlin. They're like, "Where are you from? America?" They're like, "Ugh."

• 13:40Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah.

• 13:41Sam Morril?

  I was like, "Just say Canada if you wanna get your dick sucked tonight, buddy." "Just say Canada tonight."

• 13:47Speaker 04

  It's not the time to be nationalistic.

• 13:48Mark Normand?

  Right. Although, sometimes it helps. In the 90s, it was cool. Like, I went to England during college to visit a friend, and we went to Brighton, which is a cool, like, hipster island in England. And I was at a nightclub, and I was like, "One beer, please," and girls were like, "American."

• 14:03Speaker 04

  A beer, not an ale?

• 14:04Sam Morril?

  Novelty accent.

• 14:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and this voice has never helped me with women. And it was the only time that they were like, "Hey, nice accent."

• 14:11Speaker 04

  "I like your clit."

• 14:14Sam Morril?

  "I'm gay."

• 14:16Speaker 04

  "I don't believe you."

• 14:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it worked.

• 14:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, in small countries, like, like, like Southeast Asia shit, they love us. They just know about our music and movies. And that we give more than the bill, which they can't comprehend.

• 14:30Sam Morril?

  That's huge.

• 14:30Speaker 04

  They can't comprehend.

• 14:31Sam Morril?

  Tipping is big.

• 14:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:32Sam Morril?

  Because you just do that. I just do that in other countries, even when you're not supposed to, because I'm just used to it.

• 14:36Speaker 04

  But the bill was 10, why would you give me 12? That doesn't make sense. And you're like, "Yeah, alright, keep it." Like, "What?"

• 14:42Mark Normand?

  I'm used to it. But would they like our movies, baseball? Well, like, we got some stuff.

• 14:47Speaker 04

  Yeah. So I did log back in to check those last, um, last week of the playoffs.

• 14:52Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  Last week of the regular season, then the playoffs, as soon as they went out, I was like, "I'm back out." And then right then, I was also hella missing baseball, and I was in Oaxaca. And I was like, "Oh, they got a baseball team." The Oaxaca Guerrero's. I'm like, "I'm in." I'm like, "Season ended yesterday. I'm like, 'Fuck.'" Number two seed. So I started going to playoff games. Oaxaca Guerrero's playoff games.

• 15:14Mark Normand?

  Are you just you in the stands, I assume?

• 15:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:16Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 15:17Speaker 04

  Seats, they just do sections and it's so much fun.

• 15:21Sam Morril?

  Cause they go crazy, right?

• 15:22Speaker 04

  They go crazy. First of all, I was like, I'm not gonna eat, cause I wanna get a hot dog at the game, you know? And then like, no hot dogs, burrito plates.

• 15:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, even better.

• 15:30Speaker 04

  Like new types of food plates. They just come by with it already made, like who wants?

• 15:34Mark Normand?

  Amazing.

• 15:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, they had some 12 year old girls with signs, like, what are you guys selling? They're like, beers. And I'm like, okay. Yeah, it's so much fun.

• 15:42Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  Every time they hit a home run, they put this elephant, like, like Ganesh mask on them and then they knight them with a sword.

• 15:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love it.

• 15:50Speaker 04

  It was so much fun. I became a supporter. I'm a Guerrero until I die.

• 15:53Mark Normand?

  See, what's great about those areas is, and what's horrible about those areas, is there's no regulation.

• 15:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:58Mark Normand?

  There's no one coming in going, why is a 12 year old selling beer? Is that burrito up to code?

• 16:03Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:03Mark Normand?

  There's none of that, which is awesome.

• 16:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:05Mark Normand?

  But also you could get a parasite that's.

• 16:07Speaker 04

  I got it many times.

• 16:09Sam Morril?

  There's also so much, I think we talked about this the other day, but there's so much hometown pride where like, you go to a place like Cuba, they, they just play for their hometown.

• 16:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:16Sam Morril?

  So it's not like, it's not like, you know, it's like if all the Yankees were just New Yorkers.

• 16:20Mark Normand?

  Yes, I love that.

• 16:21Sam Morril?

  Holy shit, he was fucking, so it's so cool. Remember like Clint Frazier was a Yankee and you're like, this is fucking cool.

• 16:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, he grew up here.

• 16:27Sam Morril?

  He's a New York kid.

• 16:27Speaker 04

  He has an accent.

• 16:28Sam Morril?

  Jose Alvarado's a Nick, he's a fucking kid from Queens, you know? There's something extra special about that, I don't know.

• 16:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, uh, when I was in, uh, with DR, like a, a few years ago, I went to a game and, uh, and Pujols was playing. And he was like, I'm waiting, I've been waiting to play for my hometown team for 25 years. I'm retired, I'm playing.

• 16:47Sam Morril?

  It's so funny that they just get the worst version of him though. He's just, he's like one of the greatest ever and they say, I'll come back when I'm 42 and fat.

• 16:55Sam Morril?

  But that's what happens, right? I mean, that you still wanna play and you still kinda can play.

• 17:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:00Sam Morril?

  You see some of these guys at old timers games and you're like, they could still fucking play.

• 17:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, Reggie Jackson at some old timers game I went to, I think it was at Camden Yards, he came out and like, was like, I'll swing and then like, missed a few and then like, hit like three home runs and the place went nuts and he rounded the bases.

• 17:14Sam Morril?

  By the way, that was his career anyway. He struck out more than anybody, but he hit bombs.

• 17:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, people care about their, like, where's Pacquiao from?

• 17:21Sam Morril?

  Philippines.

• 17:22Mark Normand?

  They say in the Philippines, when he's fighting, the whole city shut down, like, everything is out. Except for that fight.

• 17:29Sam Morril?

  I love how much Ari loves baseball, though. He's like a baseball psychopath.

• 17:32Speaker 04

  That's part of a born New York vibe, but also Jews love baseball.

• 17:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 17:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 17:38Sam Morril?

  I think it's just so American, too. I guess it's everything. It's like so Latin American now, too, and, you know.

• 17:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:43Sam Morril?

  Japan.

• 17:44Mark Normand?

  Japan loves baseball.

• 17:45Sam Morril?

  But it feels like it's so in the, it's ingrained in like American culture, you know?

• 17:49Speaker 04

  So it's our game.

• 17:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 17:51Speaker 04

  The best in terms of people playing for their hometown is, you know, State of Origin in Australia?

• 17:55Sam Morril?

  No.

• 17:56Speaker 04

  It's rugby sevens, I think.

• 17:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, OK.

• 17:58Speaker 04

  And it's so, these are the best players in the world. They go off to play in New Zealand, they go play whatever. But Brisbane plays against Sydney, or their states, New South Wales versus Queensland, and they all come home to play for their state. And it's sometimes, these guys are teammates on other teams, and now they're enemies, and they're punching each other.

• 18:15Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 18:15Speaker 04

  And the, the, the log line is state versus state, mate versus mate.

• 18:19Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 18:20Speaker 04

  And you've seen them teammates fully fucking fist fight. It's a best of three, and it's nuts.

• 18:25Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 18:26Speaker 04

  Blues drool, maroons rule.

• 18:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love it. Yeah.

• 18:29Sam Morril?

  Rugby's gonna catch on America in some way.

• 18:31Mark Normand?

  It'd be great. I don't know if we're tough enough.

• 18:33Speaker 04

  Black people gotta start it. If black people start rugby, it's on.

• 18:37Mark Normand?

  Interesting. Uh.

• 18:39Speaker 04

  Look, pretty much, black people started doing just like poetry to a beat, and that caught on.

• 18:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:44Speaker 04

  It's so gay, but they made it cool.

• 18:45Mark Normand?

  They made ba- basketball cool.

• 18:47Sam Morril?

  They had to add in shooting each other.

• 18:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:49Sam Morril?

  This is so gay, we gotta murder each other, guys.

• 18:51Speaker 04

  We gotta do something, guys. We can't do this.

• 18:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Uh, I went to the Rangers game a week ago, and there was a hockey fi- a goalie fight.

• 18:59Speaker 04

  Oh, my god. Shosturkin and the guy in the devil.

• 19:01Mark Normand?

  Yes, that's like once in a lifetime.

• 19:03Speaker 04

  That's his last, that was his last fight he'll ever do. He retired.

• 19:06Sam Morril?

  No, that was quick, the other guy, the older guy, but, uh.

• 19:09Mark Normand?

  But just seeing the two goalies go in the middle, drop gloves and go at it was, was awesome.

• 19:14Speaker 04

  That's like a, that's like a Chappelle poppin'.

• 19:18Speaker 04

  You see two goalies, when they look at each other from that far.

• 19:21Sam Morril?

  It was over way shorter than a Chappelle, uh, set, for sure.

• 19:23Mark Normand?

  Right, right. Less smoking.

• 19:24Sam Morril?

  What is this here?

• 19:26Mark Normand?

  This is Mark's. Oh, what are you putting this on? My wife is playing hockey in a league now in Jersey.

• 19:31Speaker 04

  No way.

• 19:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah. She's a goalie.

• 19:34Speaker 04

  I gotta say. Megan play hockey?

• 19:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, she grew up playing it.

• 19:36Speaker 04

  Look at her.

• 19:37Mark Normand?

  That's her as a goalie.

• 19:37Speaker 04

  Saved!

• 19:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, she saved it!

• 19:39Speaker 04

  And a beautiful.

• 19:39Mark Normand?

  She's got hit the tits.

• 19:41Sam Morril?

  She's lost your second baby right there.

• 19:44Speaker 04

  No offense, that's the least attractive I've ever seen.

• 19:48Mark Normand?

  Another save. It's amazing I got her pregnant.

• 19:53Speaker 04

  You get hard for that.

• 19:54Sam Morril?

  She is good at closing her legs.

• 19:57Mark Normand?

  That's true. There you go, I got one in.

• 20:00Sam Morril?

  Just like you, buddy.

• 20:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I got one. Yeah. But those guys were good. I mean, this is a real league with refs and all this shit.

• 20:07Speaker 04

  I love that, dude.

• 20:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she's out there. I went and visited. I was the only guy in the stands, like, come on, bitch!

• 20:12Speaker 04

  That's great, that's great. Just like all of women's sports.

• 20:16Speaker 04

  Yeah. Bro, I was wearing, so I took with me, anything I was like, took with me, I'm like, I gotta be able to like, not take it home. Cause the odds of it getting stolen go up, or like, losing something, stains, whatever. So I took with me a Yankee giveaway Nasty Nestor t-shirt.

• 20:29Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 20:29Speaker 04

  He's not in the Yankees anymore. I'm like, I still like it, just the mustache. Yeah. But I'm like, so I'll wear it at the baseball game. Some guy started sending me drinks.

• 20:37Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 20:38Speaker 04

  Beer after beer. Tried to send them, no, no, I'm cool. Then I was like, went up to talk to him, I was like, alright, I can afford a fucking two dollar beer, you know?

• 20:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's, that's the one?

• 20:47Speaker 04

  That's the one!

• 20:48Mark Normand?

  There you go, good pull.

• 20:49Speaker 04

  Sick shirt! Good pull, on the ones and twos. Yeah. Anyway, I went over there, he goes, I'm sixteen, I can't drink. He just looked older, he was with his mom. And he goes, I'm a humongous Yankee fan, I noticed you wearing that. And I was just like, I'm so stoked. Have you been to Yankee Stadium? I'm like, bro, like fifty times.

• 21:04Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 21:05Speaker 04

  I went to the World Series game, he's like, no fucking way! Sent me another drink. At the end of the game, I was like, buddy, this is yours.

• 21:11Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 21:12Speaker 04

  Wow! I just gave it to him and walked home, topless.

• 21:15Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah!

• 21:16Speaker 04

  He was so, he goes, I couldn't. And his mom's like, shut up. He goes, I can, I can! He was so happy, he was so stoked.

• 21:22Mark Normand?

  Wow, has he heard of the internet? I mean, he could have bought one instead of spending forty-eight dollars on beers.

• 21:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, you could just go on.

• 21:29Mark Normand?

  But it means more from the old man.

• 21:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's a story.

• 21:31Mark Normand?

  It's a story, yeah. An American Yankee fan gave me this shirt. This is hitting the spot.

• 21:36Speaker 04

  That's a taste, that is a taste. I would like that, yeah.

• 21:39Mark Normand?

  We have one, we have one.

• 21:40Speaker 04

  Switch over.

• 21:41Mark Normand?

  We have two!

• 21:43Speaker 04

  Do you have three? Well, that's a two is not enough.

• 21:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah!

• 21:47Mark Normand?

  The rule of threes. Look at that.

• 21:50Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 21:50Mark Normand?

  Very exciting.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  Wow, oh, you upscaled it with a toasted lime there.

• 21:55Mark Normand?

  You took the jacket off.

• 21:56Sam Morril?

  It smells good. So, caperina is Brazilian, right?

• 21:59Speaker 04

  Caperina is Brazilian. And you can make it with cachaça or vodka. What'd you make it with?

• 22:03Speaker 03

  Cachaça.

• 22:04Speaker 04

  Nice, that's the right way.

• 22:06Mark Normand?

  If it's Brazilian, there's no pubes in it.

• 22:08Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 22:09Speaker 03

  That's not in the recipe.

• 22:12Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 22:13Speaker 04

  That hits.

• 22:14Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 22:15Speaker 04

  That's so fucking refreshing.

• 22:16Sam Morril?

  Is that like, so what's in a caperina?

• 22:17Mark Normand?

  What is in that?

• 22:18Speaker 03

  Cachaça.

• 22:19Speaker 04

  Cachaça.

• 22:20Speaker 03

  Shit ton of sugar, shit ton of lime.

• 22:22Mark Normand?

  Ah, that's why.

• 22:23Sam Morril?

  That's it.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  It's a shit ton of sugar. It masks it so well.

• 22:26Mark Normand?

  It really does.

• 22:27Speaker 04

  I had multiple, like, barfing days. And then going, what the fuck? And then finding other people at the hostel goes, no, they made them stronger there. They put in extra sugar.

• 22:36Mark Normand?

  Yes, their fault.

• 22:37Speaker 04

  It fucked us all.

• 22:37Mark Normand?

  Not that I'm an adult man, puking. It was on them. Boy, that is delightful.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 22:45Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 22:45Speaker 04

  Right on the beach, imagine you're on the beach.

• 22:47Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 22:48Sam Morril?

  That's crazy.

• 22:48Speaker 04

  With shades on so you can stare at all the butts. Just like light, head movements, but staring at butts.

• 22:53Mark Normand?

  And dare I say, Brazilian butts are the pinnacle of...

• 22:57Sam Morril?

  Well, they call them the lift.

• 22:58Mark Normand?

  That's right. They got the lift, the BBL.

• 23:01Speaker 04

  The Brazilian butt lift, yeah.

• 23:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they got that in the wax.

• 23:04Speaker 04

  Dude, their bathing suits are shaped different. They won't fit American women.

• 23:08Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 23:08Sam Morril?

  I feel like we've lost a lot of good influencers to that surgery.

• 23:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:12Sam Morril?

  A lot of women have gone down.

• 23:14Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 23:15Sam Morril?

  Just, you know, they're like, oh, TikTok star 30 dead from butt lift. You see a lot of those headlines.

• 23:21Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 23:21Sam Morril?

  It's dangerous.

• 23:22Mark Normand?

  It is, yeah. And then you get a bad job and they put all kinds of, you know, Firestone tires in there and shit. They gotta fill it out.

• 23:29Sam Morril?

  Firestone tires.

• 23:30Mark Normand?

  I think you get some weird, a couple of, like, old boots.

• 23:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 23:35Mark Normand?

  Wow, yeah, I think Kim K is getting hers removed.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  Boots on the mound.

• 23:39Sam Morril?

  She's getting a butt reduction?

• 23:40Mark Normand?

  I heard that.

• 23:41Speaker 04

  Kim Kardashian or Kim Congen?

• 23:43Mark Normand?

  Kardashian.

• 23:44Speaker 04

  Oh, cuz it's out now.

• 23:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Congen can't afford that.

• 23:47Sam Morril?

  Butts are out?

• 23:48Speaker 04

  I guess.

• 23:49Sam Morril?

  I still like a good butt.

• 23:50Speaker 04

  Jesus, I mean, that's not a good butt, though.

• 23:52Mark Normand?

  That's a large.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  That's crazy. Monroe Martin's into that.

• 23:56Mark Normand?

  Ample cheek.

• 23:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, like it's a little too much?

• 23:58Speaker 04

  It's a little too much. It's ridiculous.

• 24:01Sam Morril?

  I remember meeting one of those women, like I saw, like she was like a butt person and I saw her to show. And I was like, oh, your butt is like, it's way too big. It looked cool in that photo, but then I saw it, I was like, this is, this is a crime.

• 24:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that. That's, that's silly.

• 24:15Speaker 04

  That's lunacy.

• 24:16Mark Normand?

  And how do you penetrate that? I mean, how many inches do you need to?

• 24:20Sam Morril?

  You need a running start, I'll tell you that.

• 24:22Speaker 04

  That's an only fuck from the front.

• 24:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I need a booster dick.

• 24:25Speaker 04

  If you love missionary, get that implant.

• 24:27Sam Morril?

  I stood in the phone book, the fucker.

• 24:28Mark Normand?

  Right, exactly. You need a system. You need like the thing you use when you shoot pool, when you can't reach.

• 24:37Mark Normand?

  My dick on the bridge, yeah.

• 24:39Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 24:40Mark Normand?

  That is a lot of.

• 24:42Sam Morril?

  Too much ass, dude.

• 24:43Speaker 04

  Too much ass.

• 24:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:45Speaker 04

  You need fucking a vacuum changer, or they fucking test to see if stuff falls in even rate.

• 24:49Sam Morril?

  They're like, you don't need that much ass when you're that, you had to even hold it up.

• 24:52Speaker 04

  You gotta gain some weight to make it look okay. You gotta like, you gotta make it look like it's possible.

• 24:57Sam Morril?

  It's killing all the asses.

• 24:58Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 24:58Sam Morril?

  Maybe that's why asses are going out, the Ozempic.

• 25:01Mark Normand?

  That probably is part of it.

• 25:02Speaker 04

  I heard the airline industry, because of Ozempic, saved forty-two million dollars in fuel costs last year.

• 25:07Mark Normand?

  I heard the same thing.

• 25:08Sam Morril?

  Is that real?

• 25:08Speaker 04

  People weigh less, they're less to transport.

• 25:11Mark Normand?

  Because they can tell you, hey, your bag's too heavy, but you can't go, hey, Brenda's too heavy.

• 25:16Speaker 04

  Twenty pounds across the board off.

• 25:18Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 25:19Speaker 04

  Times two hundred.

• 25:19Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  Oh, all right. Have you heard about the height Holocaust in the MLB?

• 25:24Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 25:24Speaker 04

  First of all, I love a reuse of Holocaust, so.

• 25:27Sam Morril?

  That feels like not earned. I feel like you didn't earn Holocaust here, but let's see where it's going.

• 25:32Speaker 04

  The height Holocaust in MLB, okay?

• 25:34Speaker 01

  Because the ABS strike zone thing, every per, every major league baseball player has to measure themselves properly because the strike zone is, it changes.

• 25:42Speaker 04

  So judges' strike zone just went way bigger?

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Yes, and people who said that they were six-one are actually five-ten.

• 25:47Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 25:48Speaker 04

  Oh, they're lying.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that sounds a lot like the Holocaust. It's a good use of the word there.

• 25:54Mark Normand?

  Six one, six billion.

• 25:55Speaker 04

  I mean, if that was the Holocaust, where they're like, we need your actual heights. You're like, I don't want it. Like, we're forcing you to because we're totalitarian regime. Wouldn't have the same, wouldn't hit as hard.

• 26:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Jewish baseball players in the Holocaust. I'd like to challenge that right there. Can we get a video replay?

• 26:11Speaker 04

  That's so funny.

• 26:13Mark Normand?

  Damn. So what happens?

• 26:14Speaker 01

  So people who are registered on their baseball card says they're six one or six two, they actually have to be accurately measured for this ABA strike zone.

• 26:22Sam Morril?

  Cause they've been lying about this for years.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  Boom.

• 26:24Sam Morril?

  But why, I never understood. I feel like in every sport, in everything, I feel like even like pro wrestling, they'd be like, he's six nine and, and 480 pounds. You'd be like, no, he's not.

• 26:33Speaker 04

  No, he's not.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  Parts unknown.

• 26:34Speaker 04

  Parts unknown. It's like, no, outside Kansas City. It's just not very well known, but it's known.

• 26:39Sam Morril?

  But they do, you do.

• 26:40Speaker 04

  It's a suburb.

• 26:41Sam Morril?

  Cause you'll see, I've seen some of these players in person. I'm like, I'm taller than this dude.

• 26:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:45Sam Morril?

  And he claims he's six three.

• 26:47Speaker 04

  Well, Barkley's thing was like, when he got in, they were like, what? He goes, well, that was his shoes on. Like, even with shoes on, you're not that tall. I go, I don't.

• 26:53Sam Morril?

  Barkley's six four and he was like. Six four, that's a power forward. And he was guarding like six 10 dudes.

• 26:59Speaker 04

  That's Steph Curry's height.

• 27:00Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 27:01Mark Normand?

  No, he's six two.

• 27:02Speaker 04

  He's six three.

• 27:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's like Steph Curry's height, kinda. It's crazy.

• 27:05Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 27:07Sam Morril?

  Barkley was just a fucking ox, dude. He was just built and strong and explosive.

• 27:11Speaker 04

  Alright, I take it back.

• 27:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I think, I think he's six three.

• 27:14Speaker 04

  I'm sorry.

• 27:15Sam Morril?

  I think it's.

• 27:15Speaker 04

  I doubted you and it was, it was ridiculous.

• 27:17Mark Normand?

  I've looked all these up.

• 27:18Speaker 04

  You were positive and I was wrong.

• 27:20Mark Normand?

  There you go, Barkley. With shoes, six three.

• 27:22Sam Morril?

  There you go.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 27:24Mark Normand?

  Damn, yeah, Club Shea Shea was six two. I thought he was gonna be huge.

• 27:27Sam Morril?

  You know, that's not his name.

• 27:31Sam Morril?

  Nice to meet you, Club Shea Shea.

• 27:33Speaker 04

  What? So demeaning.

• 27:35Sam Morril?

  I was just over with my friend, the Joe Rogan experience earlier.

• 27:39Speaker 04

  That's beyond like their character name.

• 27:43Mark Normand?

  I was hanging out and we had a pizza with Barstool.

• 27:47Mark Normand?

  Portnoy.

• 27:49Sam Morril?

  That's, that's still hilarious you did that show.

• 27:52Mark Normand?

  No, it was crazy. We drank cognac the whole time.

• 27:54Speaker 04

  You did it, you did the pizza thing with, with Dave?

• 27:55Mark Normand?

  No, Shea Shea.

• 27:56Speaker 04

  Well.

• 27:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cognac is very good. It's kinda like a Disaronno or whatever.

• 28:01Speaker 04

  I saw Portnoy in the streets about a year ago.

• 28:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:03Speaker 04

  And I was like, oh, let me go say, like I was inside a coffee shop. I saw him and I was like, let me go say, and then it hit me like, I, I, he doesn't know me.

• 28:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:11Speaker 04

  What am I gonna say to him?

• 28:12Mark Normand?

  He might know of you.

• 28:13Speaker 04

  Hey, I've heard of you.

• 28:14Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 28:16Speaker 04

  Like, I ate at one of your pizza places once.

• 28:18Mark Normand?

  That is the tough thing when you see, but people do that to you all the time.

• 28:21Speaker 04

  I know, so then I second guessed one. I was like, don't do that. It won't go well.

• 28:24Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 28:25Speaker 04

  But he might know you.

• 28:26Mark Normand?

  He might know. You're very recognizable. Look at his outfit.

• 28:29Speaker 04

  The side, sure. For the front, not as much. Was he eating pizza on the street or was he just hanging? Maybe he's doing something. He had a camera guy with him.

• 28:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. You don't want to fuck with that shit.

• 28:39Speaker 04

  It's like a setup scene.

• 28:40Mark Normand?

  But you gotta look. You look like a rabbi at Burning Man.

• 28:42Speaker 04

  Yeah. He's laughing a little too hard over there.

• 28:46Mark Normand?

  I mean, in South America, when you were in the middle of nowhere, where people are like, who's this fucking weirdo?

• 28:51Speaker 04

  Ma- yeah, some of those places, like Guatemala is, say whatever you want about every country, that is the shortest country I've ever been to. Yeah.

• 28:58Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 28:59Speaker 04

  And if you have a Jack, Guatemala, like fix-it guy, super, they're tiny.

• 29:03Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 29:05Speaker 04

  Why is that? Mayans. They had to get under those fucking carved doorways.

• 29:08Mark Normand?

  Interesting.

• 29:10Speaker 04

  So they'd have to duck. Isn't Guatemala known for like jungles and volcanoes and stuff? Mm-hmm, that too.

• 29:15Mark Normand?

  And, uh, nannies.

• 29:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:18Mark Normand?

  They nanny.

• 29:18Speaker 04

  What was the best part of Guatemala?

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Besides the bathtub?

• 29:22Speaker 04

  Besides the quetzalcoatl? So I was there a few years ago, not this time, and I went to this northern, northern town. I've heard about, you'll like this. I heard about a schwitz, a very specific schwitz. Love a schwitz. That's just there.

• 29:34Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 29:35Speaker 04

  Shoch or something like that, native. And I went to find it in some nothing town. No shuttles go there. You gotta take bus after bus after bus to get there.

• 29:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:44Speaker 04

  And so I'm there, did it, market day's the next day. I'm like, let me stay for market. I'm the only white guy for months.

• 29:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:51Speaker 04

  So they were like, everyone was talking to me, World Cup was going on.

• 29:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 29:55Speaker 04

  Every, and then they love soccer in Latin America. So everywhere I went, I'd be like, it'd be like a electronics store that I'd be like, is that gameplay? Like, come on in. Absolutely. And they loved Messi.

• 30:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:06Speaker 04

  They were all in Argentina because they, they was their representative. So I was watching at some burrito place. Across the street at a pharmacy, they had like twenty guys watching. And they were looking at me and they were like, you're rooting for Netherlands? And I'm like, no, like you're from the Netherlands. And I'm like, I'm not from the Netherlands. And like, come on dude, you're Netherlands.

• 30:22Mark Normand?

  You can tell by my voice, I'm not from the Netherlands, right?

• 30:26Speaker 04

  But then I can't tell the difference. It's so funny. Like, where do you think I'm from? Like, Australia? I'm like, do I sound Australian? Like, to us, yeah? So, so anyway, so they're like, come watch with us. Watch the second half over there.

• 30:36Mark Normand?

  Were you secretly kind of rooting for the Netherlands?

• 30:38Speaker 04

  Sort of. Yes, yes, I was so for the Netherlands. As soon as they invited me in, I'm all fucking Argentina.

• 30:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:45Speaker 04

  And then they won in, in a shootout, like a comeback shootout in overtime. And then they sent their kids off to get some quetzalcoatl. They're like, we gotta celebrate. You're drinking. And I'm like, sure. And you're gonna have it. It's ass. It's ass.

• 31:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:02Sam Morril?

  It's like they're Malort.

• 31:05Speaker 04

  Kinda, yeah.

• 31:06Mark Normand?

  Do you ever worry like, alright, I'm blacking out with these strangers in the middle of Guatemala. I gotta get home. I gotta get back to my tree house or whatever the fuck.

• 31:15Speaker 04

  Nah, I got no home. It's fine if they invite me.

• 31:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, in a hotel, you know, hostel?

• 31:19Speaker 04

  Hostels. Their place was like this, that place was like this three dollar a night hotel.

• 31:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:24Speaker 04

  With a dog that run about, just like, shh, poops everywhere, but like, white, like it had, it had been there for quite some time. With a shower way away, the drift. It was so cold, I had to get those, two of those Jesus candles and light them. Just to keep, just to heat up like, my apartment or my little, like, room.

• 31:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Holy moly.

• 31:43Sam Morril?

  You live an interesting life, man. It's amazing.

• 31:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:45Sam Morril?

  You, I, I'm with Mark. It is, you're very trusting. I mean, you're getting blackout drunk. I mean, there are, yeah.

• 31:51Speaker 04

  People are cool.

• 31:52Sam Morril?

  Most people are cool.

• 31:53Speaker 04

  That's the story. The story is not Jordan missed three shots. The story is Jordan went twenty-three of twenty-six for fifty-seven points.

• 32:01Mark Normand?

  Ah, I see what you're saying.

• 32:02Speaker 04

  People are cool.

• 32:03Sam Morril?

  You stay positive.

• 32:04Speaker 04

  People are cool.

• 32:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 32:05Speaker 04

  It's not, that's not even a rare thing. Almost always, people are cool.

• 32:08Mark Normand?

  Pickpocketing going on.

• 32:09Sam Morril?

  Not just that, people become uncool with booze sometimes.

• 32:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:13Mark Normand?

  True.

• 32:14Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, yeah.

• 32:15Sam Morril?

  Not anyone we hang out with anymore, cause you, you lose those people.

• 32:18Mark Normand?

  You weed them out.

• 32:19Sam Morril?

  You drink with the people who you don't wanna be, you know, we all know the people we're talking about, the ones who corner you and get dark.

• 32:23Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 32:24Sam Morril?

  Like a dark cloud where you're like, oh boy.

• 32:26Speaker 04

  I gotta get out of this.

• 32:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:28Speaker 04

  So, let me tell you another game I played.

• 32:30Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 32:31Speaker 04

  With quetzalcoatl. I was going to a rivalry game in, uh, in, in, um... Some city in Guatemala. Doesn't even matter. Baseball? No, this is a soccer game. Got it. And so, everyone's out there partying before the game. There's no booze. Cause it's a rivalry game. They don't want fights. Damn. So we're out there, then it starts raining. Everyone crowds in under the awning of bodegas. Bodega cat, get it now? Hell yeah. And then we start talking to some people, you know? It's me and like three guys in the hostel, like, you guys aren't from here, why do you know? Like, we're just gonna check out soccer. And um, we start talking, they're like, what do you know about the? I'm like, not much. They start teaching us chants, stuff like that. They go, eventually they go, you're sitting with us. I'm like, no, no, we couldn't get tickets there, cause like, that's like your home.

• 33:15Speaker 04

  It's right behind the goal. And he goes, fuck that, you're coming in. I'm like, but our ticket's not there. He goes, none of that matters. But I was like, alright, we're all getting drunk ahead of time, cause there's no booze in there. And then they start going, oh, there's booze in there. Ah, boy. I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, you just gotta take it in. And they taught me something that I'm gonna teach all of you now. Oh, here we go.

• 33:32Sam Morril?

  Get ready for him to spread his butt cheeks.

• 33:34Speaker 04

  Do you have any plastic bags, anything small? Oh, you might be on to something.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  I have the bag that the lines came in.

• 33:41Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 33:41Sam Morril?

  Do you have a balloon?

• 33:42Speaker 04

  Dump that. Unless you have something smaller. Unless you have something smaller.

• 33:46Speaker 03

  That seems bigger.

• 33:47Speaker 04

  That seems bigger.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  Do you just shoot this?

• 33:50Speaker 04

  No. What are you doing?

• 33:51Speaker 03

  I can bring any cocktails with it.

• 33:52Speaker 04

  Like a coke bag? Yeah, it's a shooter. Okay, let me show you something. And they have flavored versions of it, too. Alright. Now, when I was at LSU, we used to put booze in ziplocks and line our coats. Oh, really? Yeah. So this is a thing I'm gonna teach you guys, that this'll get you booze into any place, anywhere. Alright, this is exciting. Hot tip, folks. They go, okay, they're gonna search you, but not search you that, that well. Alright. Let me get a hit of that.

• 34:20Sam Morril?

  It's not bad.

• 34:22Speaker 04

  The smell is not the worst. That's what it's gonna be like, kerosene.

• 34:25Speaker 03

  I'm a little sick right now. I don't, I don't.

• 34:27Sam Morril?

  Smells like Purell.

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Okay. Yeah. Good for the air insides. So you pour it into a bag.

• 34:34Speaker 04

  This is what they teach you to do.

• 34:35Sam Morril?

  And you just put it in your shirt or something?

• 34:37Speaker 04

  They have smaller bags at the bodegas. It's like an IV.

• 34:40Speaker 03

  Like a little Capri Sun?

• 34:42Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:42Speaker 03

  That could go wrong.

• 34:44Speaker 04

  And then, then they have these bags everywhere there. You tie it off, whatever. Alright, alright. Keister it, that's exactly right. Okay, it's like a cool fit.

• 34:52Speaker 04

  So they go, this feels like what your balls feel like. Oh. How do you keep it there, though? It's in your waistband. Over and under. TSA is about to get so much worse after this video. If they get you, what's that gonna feel like? Women too, that's just a cancer. Yeah. Just cancer, yes you can. Who's gonna go like this when they're charging you? Mark, can you frisk him? Yeah. Yeah, it feels like a ball bag. Yep. I'll give it to you. And then during the game, it's just a slow, you pull it out. And then you go. Wow. Oh. So no sharing.

• 35:30Speaker 04

  They're sharing. Ah. Oh my god. Oh, you couldn't have gotten pineapple? What is happening?

• 35:39Speaker 04

  That was great.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  Now passing around.

• 35:42Speaker 04

  I'm okay. I'll try it, though. There's one pube on there.

• 35:45Speaker 03

  I have shotguns.

• 35:46Speaker 04

  I mean, that's definitely a classier way to do it. So I asked the guy, like, so you got one on you now? He goes, I have seventeen on me. Whoa, that's a big ball bag.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  That's a lot of balls.

• 35:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, so we got into the stadium and he goes, hey, they're carrying this giant flag in. Go grab the flag as if you're working with them. And then this like massive, it covers the whole like section. Yeah. And so we're like, okay, and goes, just sneak in with them. Just snuck in with them. And then at some point, I'm sitting there, me and like the three guys, and then somebody goes, hey, hey, says something in Spanish, like, like this, and I'm like, what? And he said, then he's like, I had trouble understanding Spanish, especially early on like that. And he goes, hey, you cannot sit here. Uh huh. This is not for you. And I was like, okay. And then that guy who invited us was way back, goes, they're cool, they're with us. Uh huh. Okay.

• 36:27Speaker 03

  It's quite the lineup we have.

• 36:29Speaker 04

  Thank you. So, so you were all good? Yeah, all good. It was the, it was the, it was such a fun experience. Whoa, hey, mazel tov. Are we shooting this or are we just taking a sip? What are we doing? You can take a sip. Take a sip, we gotta, we gotta do. Whoa.

• 36:43Speaker 03

  Oh boy.

• 36:45Mark Normand?

  You get enough of those, you could just say you got prostate cancer.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  You just tried some?

• 36:48Speaker 03

  Oh no.

• 36:48Speaker 04

  It's ass!

• 36:49Speaker 03

  That's not great.

• 36:50Speaker 04

  Dude, it's so...

• 36:51Sam Morril?

  I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I don't hate it.

• 36:54Mark Normand?

  Nah, it's not bad.

• 36:54Sam Morril?

  It's got a hint of like, it's got like a hint of like, uh, fuck.

• 36:58Mark Normand?

  Vegetable oil?

• 36:58Sam Morril?

  You know, you know what it reminds me of a little bit? What's that stuff the Greeks drink?

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Uzo.

• 37:02Sam Morril?

  Uzo. It's got like a hint of that type of like wood type flavor, which I actually don't mind.

• 37:06Mark Normand?

  No, I don't mind it. This is not bad.

• 37:08Speaker 04

  I'm shocked you could get this here.

• 37:10Speaker 03

  It's from Houston, Texas.

• 37:11Mark Normand?

  You can find anything.

• 37:12Speaker 03

  That's what the back of the bottle says.

• 37:14Speaker 04

  Wow, they importers.

• 37:15Sam Morril?

  It's not bad.

• 37:16Speaker 03

  The Greek food.

• 37:16Sam Morril?

  What do you guys think over there? I didn't try it. What do you think, Peters?

• 37:19Speaker 05

  It's palatable, but...

• 37:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah! It's better than vodka.

• 37:23Speaker 04

  Alcohol distilled from molasses.

• 37:25Sam Morril?

  I got, I got a question already. When you're, when you're in these, when you're gone for, what were you gone, eight months?

• 37:29Speaker 04

  No, I didn't go like that. Uh, yeah, about, yeah.

• 37:32Sam Morril?

  When you're gone for eight months, what do you miss the most about America?

• 37:36Mark Normand?

  Hey, good question.

• 37:37Speaker 04

  That's a great question.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  Not drinking out of ball bags?

• 37:41Speaker 04

  Dude, if you don't think I'm doing that at any sport I go to from now on, just to save the money?

• 37:45Mark Normand?

  I'm with you.

• 37:46Speaker 04

  Forget about dry games. They cost a lot.

• 37:48Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 37:49Speaker 04

  Booze costs a lot.

• 37:50Sam Morril?

  Oh, Yankee Stadium, forget about it.

• 37:51Speaker 04

  I'm getting booze in.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  Twenty-eight dollars for a surf side at Yankee Stadium. Like, that should be illegal.

• 37:57Speaker 04

  Whoa, sixteen ounces.

• 37:58Sam Morril?

  I said, did you see that thing that D'El Hulee posted where he said, uh, Netflix didn't kill movie theaters, eight, whatever popcorn and movies, whatever you're charging for popcorn and movies? He said like six dollar soda or whatever. I'm like, alright, you haven't been to a movie in a while.

• 38:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:11Sam Morril?

  But, uh, but he said like, but he was like, it was like, that those prices kill movies. I was like...

• 38:16Speaker 04

  You're not wrong.

• 38:16Sam Morril?

  There's, there's some truth to that.

• 38:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:18Speaker 04

  It's like, make it acceptable. That's why I like when in, um, in Atlanta, their football stadium, they're like, we're gonna be affordable.

• 38:24Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 38:24Speaker 04

  Like one dollar hot dogs, five dollar beers. They used to be. They're like, once you're in, we want you to have a good time and come back for Falcons games and for like whatever.

• 38:32Sam Morril?

  Good. So what did you miss most about?

• 38:34Speaker 04

  So, when I...

• 38:34Sam Morril?

  I cut you off there, sorry.

• 38:35Speaker 04

  There's some stuff I missed, and there's some stuff when I got back that I realized, oh, I had been missing that.

• 38:40Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 38:41Speaker 04

  You know? Missed my dog. Like, I mean, like crazy. I made so many friends with street dogs.

• 38:46Mark Normand?

  Ah, you were lonely.

• 38:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I went so nuts with street dogs. Found some, you give them a couple treats, start buying treats, a couple treats, they'll, they'll go with you for like a three hour hike and come back.

• 38:56Mark Normand?

  You know, no worry, they're gonna gnarl your leg on the way up?

• 38:59Speaker 04

  They, they, they beat to death the bad ones. So it's taken care of me, for me. Um... So when I got back, what I really noticed is brushing your teeth with sink water.

• 39:11Mark Normand?

  That's big.

• 39:12Speaker 04

  Glorious and flushing toilet paper instead of throwing it away.

• 39:16Mark Normand?

  Uh, what about a tampon?

• 39:19Speaker 04

  What?

• 39:20Mark Normand?

  What happens with that?

• 39:20Speaker 03

  What do you do with your tampons in South America?

• 39:23Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, I do what I always do. I soak them in alcohol and put them up there.

• 39:27Sam Morril?

  Bring them into the game and then slurp on them.

• 39:29Speaker 04

  If you're not boofing, you ain't living.

• 39:32Mark Normand?

  T-shirt.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, that part was Bobby Kelly says something funny. He goes, it's funny like.

• 39:39Mark Normand?

  Finally.

• 39:42Speaker 04

  Strange.

• 39:43Mark Normand?

  Just joking, Bobby.

• 39:46Speaker 04

  He said it's it's more dangerous to brush your teeth with tap water there than to brush your teeth with with toilet water here.

• 39:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I believe that.

• 39:54Speaker 04

  You could dip your toothbrush in there and then brush it and you're like, you'll be fine.

• 39:57Sam Morril?

  And that was a whole Seinfeld episode. Where they dropped the toothbrush. It was the girl from Sex and the City. Remember that?

• 40:03Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. My wife did all the right things in Mexico. She did one tap water with the toothbrush on accident. She forgot. She was like, oh, that's three drops of tap water. She got Montezuma's revenge. It ruined the whole trip. She was fucked.

• 40:18Sam Morril?

  It's such a funny word for shitting yourself.

• 40:20Speaker 04

  Who's Montezuma?

• 40:21Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  I think he was a Spanish conqueror and they said, and he killed a lot of the Aztecs.

• 40:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:27Speaker 01

  And then they said, he said, where's the gold? And they're like, in the middle of the country. And they sent in the middle country and all of his guys died of.

• 40:34Mark Normand?

  Dysentery. Whoa.

• 40:36Speaker 04

  So there's revenge on Montezuma.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:38Speaker 04

  And not his revenge.

• 40:39Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 40:40Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 40:40Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 40:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:42Speaker 04

  Grammatically, it's problematic.

• 40:45Speaker 04

  It's not Montezuma's revenge.

• 40:47Mark Normand?

  Okay, now let's flip it.

• 40:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:49Mark Normand?

  What did you get back to America and go, I missed that shit when I was over there?

• 40:54Speaker 04

  I gotta be honest and it's, I don't know. It's not, it's not you guys. I'm not attacking her. You guys here, I mean, it's us obsessed with politics in an unclassy way.

• 41:05Mark Normand?

  Unclassy?

• 41:06Speaker 04

  It's it's just tacky. The amount that we talk about politics here.

• 41:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we try not to do it on air.

• 41:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, you guys are good about it on air for sure, for sure. It's smart not to, but just like.

• 41:16Mark Normand?

  Just in general.

• 41:17Sam Morril?

  I feel like it's everywhere, so you kind of, unless, yeah, you try to make this escapist as possible. I think that's what people want.

• 41:24Speaker 04

  That's what they want.

• 41:25Sam Morril?

  At least here.

• 41:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but remember when you were in the 90s and somebody brought up Kosovo and you're like, "Shut up, you nerd, Sarajevo, hey, they're bombing and whatever." You're like, "Get out of here, you dweeb."

• 41:36Speaker 04

  Back then, you'd be like, "I've never heard of that. What's going on?"

• 41:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm trying to watch Beavis and Butthead.

• 41:39Speaker 04

  No one had a take already.

• 41:41Mark Normand?

  Yes, now we have a take on everything.

• 41:42Speaker 04

  Beavis and Butthead is exactly right.

• 41:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I try not to weigh in unless I got a good joke.

• 41:47Speaker 04

  Joke.

• 41:47Sam Morril?

  That's kind of where.

• 41:48Mark Normand?

  A joke, but you still gotta watch it to write the joke.

• 41:51Sam Morril?

  Totally.

• 41:51Mark Normand?

  So you're still consuming.

• 41:52Sam Morril?

  No, yeah, no, it's a, it's a problem. Yeah, but you gotta know what's going on in the world too.

• 41:57Mark Normand?

  I guess.

• 41:57Speaker 04

  Do you?

• 41:58Mark Normand?

  Do you though? Yeah. Why do I know who Scaramucci is?

• 42:00Speaker 04

  Let me ask you two questions. How's your life different knowing versus not knowing? And how's the world gonna change whether you or don't know?

• 42:06Sam Morril?

  I'm not gonna change, nothing. I'm gonna do is gonna change the world regardless.

• 42:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:10Sam Morril?

  It's just, I just wanna know stuff.

• 42:12Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 42:12Speaker 04

  I mean, interesting.

• 42:13Sam Morril?

  How are you gonna change the world reading a Steinbeck book?

• 42:16Speaker 04

  Right, no, you're not.

• 42:16Sam Morril?

  It's knowledge. It's good. It's good to, it's good to take things in.

• 42:19Speaker 04

  That's fair.

• 42:20Mark Normand?

  But Steinbeck is art. He's a brilliant writer. This is a, hey.

• 42:24Speaker 04

  Political discussion by people who have barely researched things.

• 42:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think you could, look, I think you could tune out a lot of the current events, like the scandals and stuff.

• 42:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:33Sam Morril?

  But there's stuff you should know.

• 42:35Mark Normand?

  There's stuff you should know, but I think people make it their whole personality.

• 42:39Speaker 04

  I think it's way more, way more important to know what was gonna happen with the L train that ended up not happening. We got together, we go, "That can't happen."

• 42:46Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 42:47Speaker 04

  And we changed their fucking plans.

• 42:48Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 42:49Speaker 04

  Village.

• 42:50Mark Normand?

  Takes a village.

• 42:52Speaker 04

  Montezuma's Revenge. So what would it be to be grammatically correct? Revenge on Montezuma.

• 42:57Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 42:58Speaker 04

  Doesn't have the, didn't, we need something catchier though.

• 43:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, fuck Montezuma.

• 43:04Sam Morril?

  I'm double checking my Montezuma FX.

• 43:06Mark Normand?

  Alright, but it was, I mean, she was laid up and I got a look at the toilet at one point and it was just yellow, bubbly liquid.

• 43:14Sam Morril?

  You just hand divorce papers under the door?

• 43:17Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 43:18Mark Normand?

  She wouldn't have been able to sign them, she had no energy.

• 43:20Sam Morril?

  Damn, that sucks.

• 43:21Mark Normand?

  It was bad, like she couldn't, I had to help her to the toilet.

• 43:24Sam Morril?

  Retrification from Montezuma. We always think of love as like bullshit, but like, love is taking care of someone when they're fucking struggling, you know?

• 43:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I was wiping her ass.

• 43:32Sam Morril?

  You were wiping her?

• 43:34Mark Normand?

  Well, I would hand her the paper towel.

• 43:36Speaker 04

  That's a good question.

• 43:37Mark Normand?

  I hit her with a hose.

• 43:38Speaker 04

  Who are you, what's your name?

• 43:39Speaker 03

  I'm Maddie. Maddie, nice to meet you.

• 43:41Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 43:41Speaker 04

  Are you always here?

• 43:42Speaker 03

  Sometimes.

• 43:43Speaker 04

  The other guy went, took off.

• 43:45Sam Morril?

  When we have a guest, when we have a guest who we know wants to have a couple cocktails, it's a good idea.

• 43:49Mark Normand?

  And we don't know what the fuck we're making.

• 43:50Speaker 04

  I did tell though, I was like, hey, what I'm asking you to make, that's not a simple pour. You're gonna need someone.

• 43:55Sam Morril?

  Are there other drinks that we planned?

• 43:56Sam Morril?

  I did say get a bow type of person, that's perfect.

• 43:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah, let's get another, uh, another round of a new thing.

• 44:02Speaker 03

  Get a Pisco Sour, go on.

• 44:03Sam Morril?

  Ooh, this is, you were talking about the other.

• 44:06Speaker 04

  This is Peru.

• 44:07Mark Normand?

  Peru?

• 44:08Speaker 04

  Peru, so there's a battle going on, on who invented the Pisco.

• 44:12Mark Normand?

  Macho Pichu.

• 44:16Mark Normand?

  Macho Pichu, it's a fun to say.

• 44:17Speaker 04

  Macho Pisco, I like it, I like it. I didn't quite understand it, but I like it.

• 44:24Speaker 04

  It's either Chile or it's Peru. And they're both like, fuck them, we have the Pisco.

• 44:29Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 44:30Speaker 04

  The Pisco's from us. Now, I believe it's clearly Peru.

• 44:33Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 44:34Speaker 04

  And the reason is, because they think it originates from a city named Pisco.

• 44:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah, if you're still, are they both calling it the Pisco?

• 44:42Speaker 04

  Yeah. End of story.

• 44:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 44:44Speaker 04

  End of, end of story.

• 44:46Sam Morril?

  What is a Pisco Sour?

• 44:48Speaker 03

  It's Pisco Sour and Sweet, Simple, Little Bit of Egg White.

• 44:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, Egg White.

• 44:54Speaker 04

  You get in different flavors. I will tell you.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  First Pisco Sour I ever had was Blueberry.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  Blueberry, yeah.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, because I, I've been to Chile and Argentina.

• 45:01Speaker 04

  Really?

• 45:01Speaker 03

  I hiked Patagonia two Novembers ago.

• 45:04Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 45:04Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 45:04Speaker 04

  I was just there last November.

• 45:07Mark Normand?

  What, so what is this, like a, a rum? Kind of stuff?

• 45:11Speaker 04

  It's its own thing.

• 45:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's its own thing.

• 45:12Speaker 04

  It's like Malort, it's its own thing.

• 45:13Sam Morril?

  What is, yeah, look up what Pisco is.

• 45:15Speaker 04

  Wait, where'd you go in Patagonia? Where'd you hike? I was there last November. I was a year after.

• 45:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, last November, so.

• 45:21Speaker 04

  I found your wallet.

• 45:22Speaker 03

  Chile and Argentina.

• 45:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:25Speaker 03

  We.

• 45:26Mark Normand?

  It's a great brandy.

• 45:27Speaker 03

  Supposed to be a longer trip, but we got stuck in the Miami airport for thirty-seven hours.

• 45:31Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 45:32Speaker 03

  It's not fun.

• 45:33Speaker 04

  Oh, Peru and Chile both claim its origin.

• 45:35Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  But we went all the way down to Punta Arenas.

• 45:37Mark Normand?

  It's kinda like the Wright Brothers. Everywhere I go, they're the Wright Brothers. They're like, they're from here. First in flight. I'm like, it could be one place.

• 45:43Speaker 03

  I'm so jealous.

• 45:44Mark Normand?

  Same with Rosa Parks. Everybody claims Rosa Parks.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  After being stuck in Miami for thirty-seven hours, we'll see if fucking.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  I saw the penguins right after they gave birth. There's a bunch of baby penguins.

• 45:51Speaker 03

  They're so cute.

• 45:52Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's fun.

• 45:54Speaker 04

  Yeah. The dads would come back with a bunch of grass and put it in there. Yeah.

• 45:59Speaker 01

  I wanna correct the record on Montezuma. I fucked up.

• 46:01Speaker 04

  What?

• 46:01Speaker 01

  He was an Aztec ruler.

• 46:03Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 46:04Speaker 01

  Who was Spanish killed, and this was his revenge on the Spanish.

• 46:06Mark Normand?

  This is his revenge.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  That makes sense.

• 46:08Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 46:09Sam Morril?

  That makes sense.

• 46:10Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 46:11Sam Morril?

  I bet someone in the comments already beat you to that.

• 46:13Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 46:14Sam Morril?

  Someone who had this diarrhea was like, I looked it up.

• 46:16Speaker 04

  I looked, this is my favorite comment. You don't know anything about Montezuma's revenge. And then, no explanation? No, what, what should we know? Just, you're wrong. I'm not gonna tell you what the real thing is. Okay.

• 46:27Mark Normand?

  Also, if I remembered, I don't wanna be the diarrhea guy. You know, like, can I just be the conqueror? Yeah.

• 46:32Speaker 04

  You just make people waste two days of their vacation?

• 46:35Sam Morril?

  Right before he died, he's like, I'll get my revenge.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  I'll get my revenge.

• 46:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 46:41Speaker 03

  Did you hike Patagonia at all? Cause we did Torres del Paine on the Chile side and then Mount Fitzroy on the.

• 46:47Speaker 04

  Torres del Paine, I was in a camper and I, I, I parked while camping on a, on a, on a, on a riverbank in the middle of nowhere. And Torres del Paine was past the river, way, way in distance for two days. You saw a glimpse of it for like ten minutes. On day three, got sunny, opened up, and you just got this most beautiful view you've ever seen in your life.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  That's fabulous.

• 47:09Mark Normand?

  Now, do you feel when you're out there, you're representing America? Like, do you try to be nice and try to go, hey, I tip well, I'm, I'm cool to everybody, I'm an American?

• 47:21Speaker 04

  I do notice some American stereotypes.

• 47:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, let's hear it.

• 47:24Speaker 04

  Enough, you notice it. Like, you know, when you haven't seen somebody in a while, like, oh, I never realized you you're kind of this. Kind of this way.

• 47:30Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 47:31Speaker 04

  We are confident where no confidence is warranted.

• 47:35Mark Normand?

  We didn't earn it.

• 47:36Speaker 04

  We will go into American feminism is stupid feminism. American sports knowledge is stupid sports knowledge.

• 47:41Speaker 01

  We'll claim we know what Motto Zuma revenge is without even researching it.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  We are so fucking confident.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:47Mark Normand?

  Blindly.

• 47:48Speaker 04

  And just like hairy conversations. We're great at a party.

• 47:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:52Speaker 04

  We bring a- attitude to a party. Australians bring, I'll find the coke in the city.

• 47:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah. You know, and we're louder, too.

• 48:01Speaker 04

  We're loud. We know what we're doing, even if we don't.

• 48:04Sam Morril?

  Why are we so confident?

• 48:06Mark Normand?

  I think it's a it's our upbringing.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  Dominant place.

• 48:08Mark Normand?

  That's it.

• 48:09Speaker 03

  Something about the tea in the harbors.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, and we come from like wealth. The poor people here are o- are one percenters in other countries.

• 48:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we're the white women of countries.

• 48:20Speaker 04

  We're the white women of countries.

• 48:20Mark Normand?

  We're entitled. We want everything. We're confident.

• 48:23Speaker 04

  That's a bit. That's a bit.

• 48:25Speaker 01

  Dunning Kruger.

• 48:26Speaker 04

  What is that?

• 48:27Speaker 01

  It's the dumbest person is the most confident in their beliefs.

• 48:29Mark Normand?

  Ouch.

• 48:30Speaker 04

  Ronnie Chang had a great bit about it where during COVID and he was like, all these dummies talking about how viruses are spread like, you were a D student. You're supposed to shut the fuck up and let the A students talk. Now the D students are all talking.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  That's funny.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, same people know how like metal burns during nine eleven. Like, you don't know any of this. Shut the fuck up, D student.

• 48:49Mark Normand?

  Yes, that's so true.

• 48:51Speaker 04

  Dunning Kruger. Cognitive bias with low ability individuals overestimate their competence.

• 48:56Mark Normand?

  It's true.

• 48:57Sam Morril?

  What's your favorite country that you went to on this one? And what's your favorite South American country?

• 49:03Speaker 04

  Favorite is Ecuador. I spent I spent six months there during the pandemic.

• 49:07Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 49:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, I went when when stuff shut down. And I remember a Soder story of he went to the airport to go do the Tempe improv.

• 49:16Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 49:18Speaker 04

  And then they called him. They turn around. They they they meant they shut down. So turn around. Yeah. He was already playing a one third capacity room.

• 49:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 49:26Speaker 04

  And then he was like, turn. It's like, oh, so he spent a hundred dollars to get to the airport, a hundred dollars back.

• 49:30Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 49:30Speaker 04

  Can't even go. So you're just out two hundred dollars.

• 49:33Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 49:33Speaker 04

  No shows. You didn't call him for spots. And I was like, I don't want to be here for this. This seems like the right time to get away.

• 49:40Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 49:41Speaker 04

  So I got away to Ecuador.

• 49:43Mark Normand?

  You and O'Neil.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  What?

• 49:45Mark Normand?

  You and O'Neil?

• 49:46Speaker 04

  No.

• 49:47Mark Normand?

  Didn't he go?

• 49:50Speaker 04

  No.

• 49:50Mark Normand?

  List.

• 49:50Speaker 04

  List visited me.

• 49:51Mark Normand?

  Okay, sorry.

• 49:53Speaker 04

  Um, O'Neal came to me through Machu Picchu.

• 49:55Mark Normand?

  Ah, okay, that's what I saw.

• 49:56Speaker 04

  Um, I got away, everyone, I remember doing an ad read for you guys. I did a, uh, uh, for my old podcast.

• 50:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:04Speaker 04

  Long live Skeptic Tank.

• 50:07Speaker 04

  You had a podcast I recorded ahead of time, us in a car. And I go, he's got a new, he's got a new podcast called, you had a different title for this.

• 50:14Mark Normand?

  One More Drink.

• 50:15Speaker 04

  One More Drink, and it's me in front of a waterfall.

• 50:18Sam Morril?

  There was like a pod called One More Drink already with like six reviews, but we were like, let's just not take another name, even if they might not exist anymore.

• 50:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:26Speaker 04

  I mean, this way might have been drunk, it's way more fun.

• 50:28Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 50:29Sam Morril?

  The spirit of this pod was One More Drink, cause of Mark and I just being at The Cellar and seeing each other, you know, you used to drink every night, and then you see each other once a week, cause of the road, and it turned into One More Drink, and then we'd close the bar.

• 50:42Speaker 04

  I'm my own core memory of New York standup comedy, two. One is being immediately put on The Late Show at The Cellar. And so I'm like, oh, these are booze bags, and I'm in. Learning how to appreciate a Bullet Rye on the Rocks.

• 50:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  You know, with booze bags and lists for no reason.

• 50:59Mark Normand?

  Well, he's the next booze bag.

• 51:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, and then, and then the other memory was us being at the Old Fat Black Bar, which used to be a fucking jam.

• 51:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:08Speaker 04

  And me and Norman just go, one more beer, one more beer, one more beer. And then all of a sudden, you see a light cracking through the windshield, through the windows, and you're like, oh no, but also, oh yes.

• 51:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you get out and this guy's like picking up all the garbage, or delivery's going, and you're like, oh no.

• 51:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:22Sam Morril?

  You feel like a loser, but you also feel kinda cool, cause it's that like Rat Pack photo.

• 51:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:27Speaker 04

  Yes, exactly. You walk home, ask people going to work, and you're going to sleep.

• 51:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there's a guy jogging.

• 51:33Sam Morril?

  Problem is that the Fat Black, which those of you don't know is, is like the satellite room of the Comedy Cellar, they just would, they used to just be a bar, and they wouldn't kick us out.

• 51:40Speaker 04

  They wouldn't kick us out, and free drinks.

• 51:42Mark Normand?

  Free drinks.

• 51:43Sam Morril?

  And, and the staff would be drinking with us, and like, do not try to go toe to toe with that bar staff.

• 51:47Mark Normand?

  No.

• 51:47Sam Morril?

  Cause holy shit, they'll drink you under the table.

• 51:49Mark Normand?

  You got that right.

• 51:50Sam Morril?

  But we, we try, and we'd still leave at like six, seven in the morning sometimes.

• 51:53Speaker 04

  You win if you fail.

• 51:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but man, it would, it would get wild and fun, and just like, it was just, if the vibe was right, it was hard to leave.

• 52:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, when they got that new, the new cellar they're about to open, like, does that mean we get the bar back? And they're like, no. I'm like, fuck.

• 52:05Sam Morril?

  Well, guess who fought for the wall, the wall though in there? That's me.

• 52:08Speaker 04

  Save the show, buddy, I just went in there, there was, since I was came, gone, it came back, I'm like, this is a much better show.

• 52:13Sam Morril?

  There was no wall, we couldn't talk at the bar.

• 52:14Speaker 04

  Much better show.

• 52:15Mark Normand?

  No, all right, so whatever.

• 52:16Speaker 04

  So anyway, in Ecuador, when I was like, I'm off. This is silly. Let me get out of here. I've wanted to travel. It's time to now. So I went to Ecuador for six months.

• 52:25Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 52:26Speaker 04

  Took my dog, just got a rented a car and just drove around the country. Meanwhile, during that time, you guys, Schultz, uh, uh, uh, Tubair, all these guys massively succeeding.

• 52:37Mark Normand?

  Look, Tim Dillon blowing up.

• 52:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, everybody did.

• 52:40Mark Normand?

  Uh, I don't know where or when that was.

• 52:42Sam Morril?

  That was the old studio, dude.

• 52:43Mark Normand?

  That's the old studio. I guess we were putting them back.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Where was that? Look at that hair on that guy. Look at us wearing matching shirts.

• 52:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, it was a flannel day. I remember that.

• 52:52Speaker 04

  Still have those socks.

• 52:54Mark Normand?

  Ah, I lost those pants drinking. That was a Bolivar day. I went out drinking one night. I woke up with no pants.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  Where was this? Where was this?

• 53:01Mark Normand?

  Thirty eighth street. It's just like a block away.

• 53:02Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 53:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah, all right, like 12 years younger.

• 53:05Speaker 04

  God damn.

• 53:06Mark Normand?

  You've aged there.

• 53:06Sam Morril?

  This is a nicer studio. That green is kind of ugly. I never really, never realized that.

• 53:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:11Sam Morril?

  What were we, Mo's Tavern? Look at these colors. Colors are rough.

• 53:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:16Speaker 04

  Norman's out.

• 53:17Mark Normand?

  I'm out. Well, hey, don't make me pull up the picture of you at the Rogan studio.

• 53:22Speaker 04

  I think they lost that picture.

• 53:23Mark Normand?

  I still have it on my phone.

• 53:24Speaker 04

  It's on the internet.

• 53:26Mark Normand?

  Keep it.

• 53:27Speaker 04

  Anyway, so that because I was there for six months, Ecuador is my favorite for sure. I have a soft spot in my heart. They qualified for the World Cup this year.

• 53:33Mark Normand?

  Hey, yeah.

• 53:34Sam Morril?

  What about Ecuador is so great, though?

• 53:37Speaker 04

  The people, the, the, the food.

• 53:40Sam Morril?

  What kind of food is that? I don't even know what Ecuador is.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  It's not that much as specific to Ecuador, besides in Sebastián, they have a specific type of ceviche, but it's just the freshest fish.

• 53:48Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 53:50Speaker 04

  And it's like, there's no real tourism board, so it's just like, everything you find is untouched.

• 53:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:56Speaker 04

  Also, they think the $2 bill is magical.

• 53:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, I could see that.

• 54:00Speaker 04

  So you whip out a $2 at a place, they use the American dollar?

• 54:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 54:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:04Mark Normand?

  And it's just cheap as shit?

• 54:06Speaker 04

  Everything's cheap.

• 54:06Mark Normand?

  See, that's the thing. I did your podcast before you left, and I was like, you worried about money? You're gonna be gone for eight months. You're gonna run out of money because you're not working. And you said, the amount I'm saving on this apartment alone is gonna pay for the whole trip.

• 54:20Speaker 04

  I could not, I could not spend $6,000 in a month in, in South America.

• 54:26Sam Morril?

  That's crazy. Even where you're, where you're staying there?

• 54:30Speaker 04

  Hostels mostly.

• 54:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 54:32Speaker 04

  So, so get a private, you don't tell anybody else, but you get a private and it's like 70 bucks.

• 54:38Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 54:41Speaker 04

  Or dorms for like 15. If there's no privates available, which is fine, it's fine. You're not in them.

• 54:47Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 54:48Speaker 04

  That fucking, I have no memory of that.

• 54:50Mark Normand?

  That was a crazy night.

• 54:51Speaker 04

  He drank me under the table.

• 54:53Mark Normand?

  To Ari's credit, you got up after an hour of sleep, we all left you and went out to eat.

• 54:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:58Mark Normand?

  And you got up and did the show later.

• 55:00Speaker 04

  I didn't do the show, but I was up enough for it.

• 55:02Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 55:04Speaker 04

  I met up, I was like, let me get some tacos. I saw Rogan, I was like, got up and I went over to the Rogan's like pool room.

• 55:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:10Speaker 04

  And there with like four high level pro professionals of pool.

• 55:13Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 55:14Speaker 04

  But I'm like, what? Anyway, how I goes, hey buddy. And then they drove me home.

• 55:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:18Speaker 04

  You guys are trying to get me up, like come on, I'm like, buddy, I've been drunk before. Leave me.

• 55:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:23Speaker 04

  I want to be on the floor.

• 55:24Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 55:25Speaker 04

  We've all been drunk. I know, it's raining. I know.

• 55:28Sam Morril?

  Cause you tried to go toe to toe with Shane with beer.

• 55:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:31Sam Morril?

  And Shane's got a lot of weight on you.

• 55:33Speaker 04

  Shane also is a bully to the point, he's got, thank you.

• 55:36Sam Morril?

  What?

• 55:36Speaker 04

  He does have a lot of weight on him.

• 55:37Mark Normand?

  He's got a lot of weight. And he does this, he's been conditioning himself to drink Bud Lights for the past 12 years.

• 55:43Speaker 04

  I've been coming off sobriety.

• 55:44Sam Morril?

  It's literally the equivalent of me bullying a girl on a date with like, have another.

• 55:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:48Sam Morril?

  It's the same level of bullying.

• 55:50Speaker 04

  It's the same.

• 55:51Mark Normand?

  Yes, thank you.

• 55:52Sam Morril?

  Your weight difference, uh, difference with Shane?

• 55:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:55Sam Morril?

  Wait, what, what is?

• 55:55Speaker 04

  So the night, but the day before we were all talking.

• 55:58Sam Morril?

  Guys, it's been a while since we talked about this. All right, let's do this.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  It takes a while to make this one.

• 56:01Speaker 04

  I'm sorry.

• 56:02Sam Morril?

  Thank you so much, Matt.

• 56:03Speaker 04

  The day before we were all talking, I was like, I'm gonna go toe to toe with you tomorrow. He goes, really? I'm like, actually, maybe not. Maybe, maybe one for two. He goes, so you're immediately being pussing out? I'm like, all right. Hold on, hold on, let me get my fucking.

• 56:12Sam Morril?

  No, Shane, Shane will monitor your drinks.

• 56:14Mark Normand?

  He will monitor.

• 56:15Sam Morril?

  And I, I hate the monitoring.

• 56:16Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm opening for him this weekend and I heard he quit boozing.

• 56:20Sam Morril?

  We'll say.

• 56:21Mark Normand?

  So we shall see.

• 56:21Speaker 04

  Bullshit.

• 56:22Mark Normand?

  I'll, I'll get him going again. I got Rogan going again.

• 56:25Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 56:27Mark Normand?

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• 57:01Speaker 04

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• 57:02Mark Normand?

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• 57:38Speaker 04

  Who? Okay, you've stopped. Who's going, ah, is this costing me data?

• 57:46Speaker 04

  That's a crazy thing.

• 57:48Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  I know. They have to say it just in case you're like, I spent this money sending you one text for a free fucking deal?

• 57:55Mark Normand?

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• 58:05Speaker 04

  Is it fast?

• 58:05Mark Normand?

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• 58:09Speaker 04

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• 58:09Mark Normand?

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• 58:15Speaker 04

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• 58:16Mark Normand?

  $3 million with some policies starting as low as $30 a month.

• 58:22Speaker 04

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• 58:22Mark Normand?

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• 58:47Mark Normand?

  Here we go. This is right up your anal. Willie's Remedy Plus.

• 58:51Speaker 04

  Oh, this is important.

• 58:53Mark Normand?

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• 59:07Speaker 04

  I don't want any calories.

• 59:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, low cal.

• 59:10Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 59:10Mark Normand?

  Uplifting effect without the hangover. You'll typically start to feel it in 15 minutes and experience a smooth.

• 59:16Speaker 04

  Times it right now.

• 59:17Mark Normand?

  And controlled. 538. Each bottle is a 30, third-party lab-tested for accurate dosing, so you know.

• 59:25Speaker 04

  How many milligrams does it come in?

• 59:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's a good question. Uh, 5mg and 10mg options.

• 59:31Speaker 04

  That's all I want.

• 59:32Mark Normand?

  Depending on how strong you want it. He loves booze, he loves weed, but the hangovers are bad, so this is good stuff. Willie's has already sold out multiple times and is now back in stock. They ship directly to your door in over 40 states. Go to drinkwillies.com and use code WMBD for 20% off your first order plus free shipping on orders over $95. Get some Willie's. All right, you're up, I gotta pee.

• 59:56Speaker 04

  Sam, the weather's getting warmer. What do we gotta start doing?

• 59:59Sam Morril?

  As the weather gets warmer, you start opening windows, spending more time outside, and that's when the bugs start showing up again. These fucking bugs, cunts. Pesty's a simple way to deal with it before.

• 1:00:10Speaker 04

  Hey, hey, hey, there's a lot of like difficult things. I need a simple, I need a simplified kit.

• 1:00:15Sam Morril?

  What?

• 1:00:16Speaker 04

  I need something simple.

• 1:00:17Sam Morril?

  You need like a customized kit, you mean?

• 1:00:19Speaker 04

  Well.

• 1:00:19Sam Morril?

  Something you need with like a sprayer, pesticide, gloves, and instructions.

• 1:00:23Speaker 04

  I need instructions for sure.

• 1:00:24Sam Morril?

  You can follow in a few minutes?

• 1:00:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:25Sam Morril?

  Well, this is right for you.

• 1:00:27Speaker 04

  Well, hold on. Now, what grade is this? Is this the same as like professionals use?

• 1:00:30Sam Morril?

  It's professional-grade treatment used by pest control companies, but you can apply it yourself.

• 1:00:35Speaker 04

  Oh, great.

• 1:00:35Sam Morril?

  I love this shit. I use it all the time. I, I give it to Mark's kid.

• 1:00:39Speaker 04

  What, it's like $1,000?

• 1:00:40Sam Morril?

  It's, it's cheap as shit. It's 35 bucks a treatment.

• 1:00:44Speaker 04

  What the fuck, man?

• 1:00:46Sam Morril?

  It gets bugs out of your house. Pesty, go to pestie.com/mightbeydrunk for an extra 10% off your order. That's P-E-S-T-E-T-I-E. P-E-S-T-I-E.com/mightbeydrunk.

• 1:01:02Speaker 04

  I love that Sam was like, I'm not really drinking much lately.

• 1:01:05Sam Morril?

  Well, I had to, for like a month, I had to take a minute.

• 1:01:08Speaker 04

  Fuck off.

• 1:01:10Speaker 04

  Wait, wait, wait.

• 1:01:11Sam Morril?

  Well, I did, I did take a minute off.

• 1:01:15Sam Morril?

  Starting a business or launching something online can feel overwhelming, especially when you're trying to manage everything at once. Shopify is a platform that brings all of that into one place, used by millions of businesses, and it handles a significant portion of-

• 1:01:28Speaker 04

  Can I break into this podcast ad read for a second?

• 1:01:30Sam Morril?

  Yes, come, come by, Ari. What's up?

• 1:01:32Speaker 04

  I, at AriShapir.com, I do use Shopify.

• 1:01:35Sam Morril?

  It's huge.

• 1:01:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:01:36Sam Morril?

  It's-

• 1:01:36Speaker 04

  This is not, I didn't use it because I got in this podcast today. I've been using it.

• 1:01:41Sam Morril?

  And Ari's got big fake tits, so he knows what he's talking about. Look at those jiggle. Shopify includes tools that help you write product descriptions, approved product images, and streamline your workflow. You can also create an email and social campaigns to reach customers and grow your audience.

• 1:01:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. That's all great and narrow, but can it handle like shippings and returns and shit?

• 1:01:59Sam Morril?

  It sure can, Ari.

• 1:02:01Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:02:01Sam Morril?

  Sign up now for your $1 per month trial at Shopify.com/Drunk. Go to Shopify.com/Drunk. Shopify.com/Drunk.

• 1:02:15Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:02:16Sam Morril?

  That might be number one.

• 1:02:17Mark Normand?

  That is frothy and delicious.

• 1:02:20Sam Morril?

  Great, so the grape liqueur-

• 1:02:21Speaker 04

  Chris, what a great job.

• 1:02:22Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:02:22Mark Normand?

  This would feel good against your ball back.

• 1:02:24Speaker 04

  What is this, what is this? Staple of Cusco, the, the jewel of Latin America. This is a staple there, and it's just like, they're shockingly strong. You also could get them just straight, high level.

• 1:02:35Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 1:02:37Speaker 04

  Pisco over rocks and stuff, like, like rum in Dominican Republic is like nicer.

• 1:02:42Sam Morril?

  And just pisco straight is really good.

• 1:02:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, but people mostly do pisco sours. That's their drink.

• 1:02:46Mark Normand?

  Now I get why they're fighting over this. This is delightful.

• 1:02:48Sam Morril?

  This is really fucking good.

• 1:02:50Speaker 03

  I added a splash of pineapple to just make it-

• 1:02:52Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 1:02:52Sam Morril?

  How does this compare, Ari, to like a Chilean or whatever, Peruvian?

• 1:02:58Speaker 04

  Right there.

• 1:02:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, how does it compare?

• 1:02:59Speaker 04

  Right there. No, if I got this in a bar of Cusco, I'm like, great, thank you, this is awesome.

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:03:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:04Mark Normand?

  What would that be at a bar? 14 cents?

• 1:03:07Speaker 04

  I mean- Yeah, like three dollars.

• 1:03:10Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:03:11Speaker 03

  When you were in Argentina or Chile, was the currency rate constantly changing? Cause when I was one, each, it was like per shop, they would be doing the math.

• 1:03:20Speaker 04

  Bolivia was that.

• 1:03:21Speaker 03

  Interesting.

• 1:03:22Speaker 04

  So Bolivia was, was, um, it was seven to one, but they're like, you are dumb if you try to go to a bank and get seven to one. That's dumb. Cause the actual street currency was between eleven and fourteen to one.

• 1:03:36Mark Normand?

  Whoa. Wow, that's crazy.

• 1:03:38Speaker 03

  Our, I went with a guide for all the hiking and we were like, oh, where can we exchange our bills? And they're like, no, no, keep it American.

• 1:03:45Speaker 04

  Keep it American.

• 1:03:45Speaker 03

  Every single shop is gonna be different. And sure enough, it was. We would go into one restaurant and be like, okay.

• 1:03:50Speaker 04

  How much?

• 1:03:51Speaker 03

  Does this cost? They'd be like, one second. And then they'd get out a calculator and do a math.

• 1:03:54Speaker 04

  And they go like this and turn it.

• 1:03:56Speaker 03

  Show it. And then you'd go to, and you're like, oh, I think I know what the conversion rate is. I think it's this. And then you would go to a different shop.

• 1:04:01Speaker 04

  It's a massive difference. It's a massive difference. For a hundred bucks, how far it'll go? It'll go two extra days if you just get the right place.

• 1:04:08Mark Normand?

  Now, you're exotic over there. Where the ladies going, hey, who's this hunk of Jew?

• 1:04:13Speaker 04

  Uh, uh, I, my hair, what's left of my hair would get touched a lot.

• 1:04:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's the telltale sign.

• 1:04:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:21Mark Normand?

  Little beard play.

• 1:04:22Speaker 04

  Yeah. No, it wasn't as much as I would have loved, but it was all right. Yeah, the locals are like, what are you? Yeah, I'm trying to think where I went to deep jungle and stuff.

• 1:04:33Mark Normand?

  More action from the street dog.

• 1:04:35Speaker 04

  It wasn't like, it wasn't like Cambodia or Thailand where they see you as a way out.

• 1:04:39Mark Normand?

  Right, right, yeah.

• 1:04:41Speaker 04

  Uh, there, they're really like, ooh, I could get this one.

• 1:04:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  Really? Bro. Like how? They, two ways in, in Cambodia or Thailand, they can get you on the hook. One, I'm, I'm moving you to back to the States.

• 1:04:56Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:04:57Speaker 04

  To Tucson. Oh my God, what a better life.

• 1:04:59Mark Normand?

  Classic.

• 1:05:00Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  Did you say Tucson?

• 1:05:01Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, really?

• 1:05:03Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:05:03Speaker 04

  Well, that was my example of the dumbest city I could think of.

• 1:05:07Mark Normand?

  Keep Tucson shitty.

• 1:05:08Speaker 04

  Wait. And the second level is just send me five hundred bucks twice a year for my kids. I'm having trouble and they have like eight of those guys on the hook.

• 1:05:17Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:05:19Speaker 04

  How you been? I, I, you know, I'm doing great. You know, I'm having a little trouble. My kid needs braces.

• 1:05:23Mark Normand?

  I consider ghosting her if I get back. I mean.

• 1:05:26Speaker 04

  These old men are like, right, five hundred bucks, nothing on you. Make your day. You know, they do that twice a year.

• 1:05:32Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:05:32Speaker 04

  And they think like, I'm still gonna fuck her again when I get there. So those are the two ways they get you on the hook there. But that's, they really see that as like you as an out.

• 1:05:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:40Speaker 04

  Latin America, they're not. Uh, maybe Colombia.

• 1:05:43Mark Normand?

  May, yeah, I could see that. Now, are there nightclubs? Like, what do you do at night?

• 1:05:48Speaker 04

  Depends where.

• 1:05:49Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:05:49Speaker 04

  Colombia is one of the most world, Medellin is one of the most worldly cities in the world.

• 1:05:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 1:05:54Speaker 04

  It's so high level. It's so cool. The food, the, the, like, the, the artsy, you know, like, bars, you know, when you go to like a cool, like, East Village bar?

• 1:06:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:04Speaker 04

  That's, that's, that's everywhere in Colombia.

• 1:06:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, I didn't know that. I just, I just know the blow capital, you know, about, uh.

• 1:06:10Speaker 04

  We did have a fun time once at Toot Park.

• 1:06:13Mark Normand?

  Toot Park? Toot, toot?

• 1:06:14Speaker 04

  Nope.

• 1:06:15Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:06:15Speaker 04

  Prosta.

• 1:06:16Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:06:18Speaker 04

  Really? Yeah. What's, what's happening there? Prostitutes. But like, what's it seem like? What's it look like? So it's a nice park.

• 1:06:25Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:06:25Speaker 04

  With, it's mostly, mostly, um, if I find out where it is, you'll, you'll see it.

• 1:06:30Mark Normand?

  Toot Park?

• 1:06:30Speaker 04

  It's mostly cement, but a little some trees and shit. And you just go see the prostitutes. Cops are there. They don't care.

• 1:06:36Mark Normand?

  Hmm, it's legal.

• 1:06:38Speaker 04

  Yeah. And we just bought like Lucy's Crushes and just sat and smoked and watched these toots get picked up.

• 1:06:45Mark Normand?

  Wow, was that her name?

• 1:06:46Speaker 04

  It's so fun. It's like the zoo for adults. What? It's like the zoo for adults.

• 1:06:50Mark Normand?

  Is it Medellin? Medellin?

• 1:06:52Speaker 04

  It's Medellin, yeah, sorry. Yeah, it's so fun to watch. And you see, most guys just go up trying to talk, because they wanna talk themselves into actually paying for it.

• 1:07:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:01Speaker 04

  They don't just go, how much? They go, what's your name? How do these prostitutes look? Are they, are they attractive or no? Good ques- Sam, you're a question champ. Charlie Rose, baby. Yeah. I'm, I'm that drunk.

• 1:07:13Speaker 04

  Um, the mixture between like, uh, you could never score one at a bar to, to like, just girl next door, like, regular girl.

• 1:07:21Mark Normand?

  That's still pretty, pretty good range. You're not getting a salicuse.

• 1:07:24Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:07:25Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:07:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cause you always hear about these Patrice O'Neal.

• 1:07:30Speaker 04

  Salicuse in a tube top would be pretty rough.

• 1:07:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, God.

• 1:07:32Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:07:32Mark Normand?

  Toot top. You always hear about the Patrice O'Neal and Norton would always go to Brazil to get hookers back in the day.

• 1:07:38Speaker 04

  Wait, what is that? How?

• 1:07:40Mark Normand?

  Who's that guy?

• 1:07:42Speaker 04

  That's the guy from Spin Doctors, I was trying to do.

• 1:07:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's fun.

• 1:07:44Speaker 04

  Oh, I was like, wait. I'm wearing that hat now.

• 1:07:49Speaker 04

  So, one or two princes kneel right in front of you.

• 1:07:55Speaker 04

  He's been to Peru, clearly. He has. Hold on, what's up?

• 1:08:00Mark Normand?

  Ah, reversible.

• 1:08:01Speaker 04

  That's right, buddy. That's alpaca. Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:03Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:08:06Speaker 04

  Salak using a dress, I'm like, just make it quick, come on.

• 1:08:11Speaker 04

  It's a fucking good picture, brother.

• 1:08:14Mark Normand?

  That is good.

• 1:08:14Speaker 04

  Guys, honestly, here's what I missed, my friends.

• 1:08:17Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 1:08:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, a lot of times I was in a bar, or, not hikes, hikes were different people, but in a bar and stuff like that, and I'd be like, damn. Like, you guys, specifically you two, would have been like, fuck, if I could just like, say, come down, you'd love these places.

• 1:08:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I hear ya, cuz you can't really connect with the, you don't have the same inside jokes, and you don't know the same shit.

• 1:08:41Speaker 04

  You don't have the inside jokes, like, oh, you guys would make fun of these guys with me.

• 1:08:44Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:08:44Speaker 04

  Do you get lonely at all? Yeah. Yeah, there's moments of extreme, extreme, like, like, soul-crushing loneliness.

• 1:08:54Speaker 04

  But they're just moments.

• 1:08:55Mark Normand?

  But see, that's when I would go to the phone. I'd be like, oh, what's he up to? Let me look at his Insta, or what's this guy up to?

• 1:09:01Speaker 04

  You don't even bring a phone? I took that ability away from me.

• 1:09:03Mark Normand?

  Good for you.

• 1:09:04Speaker 04

  You just didn't have a. No, I got a phone, got a new number, with no, none of my contacts, none of my emails, none, nothing, and so if I had to look up a flight, or a bus, or whatever, I could do it on the phone. Or if I met somebody, I'd be like, yeah, let's, I'll, I'll talk to you tomorrow, let's do it.

• 1:09:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:19Speaker 04

  But, yeah.

• 1:09:22Mark Normand?

  Did you get a little too chummy with some guys, where you're like, whoa, what are you tomorrow? And some guy's like, hey, well, I'm leaving tomorrow, get off me.

• 1:09:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, a couple times, I got too lonely and clingy with dudes. It was funny, it's like, I got, I got, I got like, leery with dudes.

• 1:09:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:37Speaker 04

  I need companionship.

• 1:09:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:40Speaker 04

  You been there?

• 1:09:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I had that in college. I just went to college without knowing people, and I was like, what are you guys doing? And they're like, ugh.

• 1:09:47Speaker 04

  Uh, something else.

• 1:09:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:09:49Speaker 04

  Where's else?

• 1:09:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:51Speaker 04

  Well, you, you're starting from scratch. Start from scratch.

• 1:09:54Sam Morril?

  I mean, you're making new friends.

• 1:09:55Speaker 04

  It's kind of like Norm saying when he lost all his money, you know?

• 1:09:57Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:09:58Speaker 04

  Clean. I'm like, I've got to bring something to the table.

• 1:10:02Sam Morril?

  Norm is so zen though, you just piss away a shitload of your, maybe your whole life's money.

• 1:10:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:10Sam Morril?

  And then you're just like, it's good.

• 1:10:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:10:12Sam Morril?

  Like, that's crazy to me.

• 1:10:13Mark Normand?

  Crazy, but that's how he was.

• 1:10:14Speaker 04

  I'm sure there was a moment where he wasn't like, right away, it wasn't like, this is good. It was like, probably came to terms with that.

• 1:10:19Sam Morril?

  Totally.

• 1:10:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:19Speaker 04

  But so there is something, though, that I, that I realize, like, look, I'm a, whatever I am, as a comedian, I'm somewhere. I'm not the best, I'm not the worst.

• 1:10:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:31Speaker 04

  I'm somewhere, but I'm a professional New York comedian.

• 1:10:35Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:10:36Speaker 04

  Raised in L.A., perfected in New York. I'm so much funnier than a normcore person in Guatemala.

• 1:10:43Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:10:44Speaker 04

  It's not, it's, it's no question.

• 1:10:46Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:10:46Speaker 04

  You know, if Brian Scalabrine was just playing pickup hoops in Cambodia, he would dominate. Like, who's this fucking redhead?

• 1:10:53Sam Morril?

  I love when he does that shit.

• 1:10:54Speaker 04

  White mama, yeah. And it's just like, so it's like, my weapon is humor and, and you're like, oh, I'm, I'm actually really funny compared to the whole world.

• 1:11:03Mark Normand?

  Of course, you're the 1%.

• 1:11:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, so that part was kind of cool, like, I bring something to the table.

• 1:11:08Mark Normand?

  But there's a language barrier, there's a culture barrier.

• 1:11:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:12Mark Normand?

  So you gotta, you gotta figure out what they laugh at. Cause you know, we've all had jokes in the middle of nowhere where you're like, this is funny. And people are like, shut up.

• 1:11:20Speaker 04

  Shut up doesn't work, yeah.

• 1:11:21Mark Normand?

  So you gotta find their thing.

• 1:11:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, find out something to, to reference.

• 1:11:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:26Mark Normand?

  You know, you're like, oh, fucking, this guy did a lot of Pisco. What, are you gay? You know, or whatever, like, hey, is that, was that a ball bag or is that a drink?

• 1:11:36Sam Morril?

  He wrote that Pisco one before the show. He was.

• 1:11:39Speaker 04

  He wrote that at a time.

• 1:11:40Speaker 01

  So are you there trying to write?

• 1:11:42Mark Normand?

  You have Pisco shit.

• 1:11:42Speaker 04

  Not trying to write at all.

• 1:11:43Speaker 01

  You're not trying to write at all?

• 1:11:45Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:11:45Sam Morril?

  But did you write by, just by being there? Did you just have like a notepad of it once in a while or like?

• 1:11:48Speaker 04

  I had a notepad for like, well, I journaled.

• 1:11:50Sam Morril?

  That's cool.

• 1:11:51Speaker 04

  Like, I want to keep track of all this stuff. I tried every day and sometimes we'd like fall behind five days and like I'd catch up, like, what did I do? Just like bed to breakfast.

• 1:11:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:00Speaker 04

  Um, the other way, um.

• 1:12:03Speaker 04

  Just so I can remember names and places and stuff.

• 1:12:05Sam Morril?

  That is kinda what being a comic is, is journaling, is you're just like, this happened to me today, can I make this?

• 1:12:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:11Sam Morril?

  Into a thing.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:13Sam Morril?

  But.

• 1:12:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, um, I'll, I'll, I'll write from that later.

• 1:12:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:18Speaker 04

  Like I have the stuff, so it'll start to come out.

• 1:12:20Sam Morril?

  You'll reread and be like, oh, this is kinda funny.

• 1:12:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've done it before, and then I'll like start like, let me do a story about this, and then it'll be like, let me go back to my old journal in like Latin America or South America, Southeast Asia, and then find about some bus in Vietnam, like, oh, right, that guy was there.

• 1:12:34Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 1:12:35Speaker 04

  I forgot about that part, and then that goes into it.

• 1:12:39Mark Normand?

  I do that with my phone, I'm like, looking over old photos.

• 1:12:41Speaker 04

  Old photos.

• 1:12:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow, 2016, I was thi- I did this?

• 1:12:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:44Mark Normand?

  With that guy?

• 1:12:45Speaker 04

  The whole place I forgot I went to.

• 1:12:46Sam Morril?

  Unbelievable.

• 1:12:47Speaker 04

  I went to a gay bath house, what was this? Wait, I blew three dudes and took a spit roast? That was crazy. I remember the blowing, not the spit roast.

• 1:12:55Sam Morril?

  This is terrible.

• 1:12:56Mark Normand?

  So, on the last pot, I talked about the going to Mexico in college, and my friend who was there with me goes, hey, I have photos from that, that weekend, and I was like, oh, my god, send them to me, so he sent me the photos.

• 1:13:06Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:13:07Mark Normand?

  Donkey show, the bar, it's just me like, arm in arm with some crazy fat Latina, I have no memory of this, I don't remember the shirt I'm wearing, I don't, I didn't know half the guys on the trip.

• 1:13:18Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:13:19Mark Normand?

  Insane.

• 1:13:20Speaker 04

  Wow, after college, you're so much freer then.

• 1:13:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, completely.

• 1:13:23Sam Morril?

  You've kinda taken that credo and you just made it your thing now.

• 1:13:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, I guess.

• 1:13:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:29Speaker 04

  I honestly, guys, I think we all.

• 1:13:30Sam Morril?

  There's no way you were freer in college, look at you right now.

• 1:13:32Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 1:13:32Sam Morril?

  You're very free.

• 1:13:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, fair.

• 1:13:34Mark Normand?

  When your life flashed before your eyes, it's gonna be long and weird.

• 1:13:40Mark Normand?

  And speaking of long and weird.

• 1:13:43Sam Morril?

  What, uh, yeah, are you ever gonna do like a, a one man show type thing, not one man show, but like, maybe some kind of special, just like, here are all the places I've been and, and.

• 1:13:53Mark Normand?

  That's a good idea.

• 1:13:53Sam Morril?

  It could be kind of a fun, cause not many people have just shut off like you, like off the grid.

• 1:13:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm trying to, I'm trying to write a book of short stories about it.

• 1:14:00Mark Normand?

  There we go, put the journal in there.

• 1:14:02Sam Morril?

  That's a wreck for me, by the way, is just read short stories, like fucking, you'll be shocked.

• 1:14:07Speaker 04

  The easiest you can tackle it, it's like it's episode of like Love, Death and Robots, you're like, I can handle seven minutes. Let's load it up.

• 1:14:12Sam Morril?

  I'll try to read one a day, I'll just like, let me just bang out one thing a day.

• 1:14:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, you commit to it, even if it take you three days to read a short story, you're like, I can handle War and Peace, like, dude, nah.

• 1:14:22Sam Morril?

  Well, some of the really dense stuff, but then some of the stuff you think is gonna be dense is not that dense. You're like, this is pretty readable, you know? And then sometimes I'll just buy, like, I'll just go to like The Strand or go to some random bookstore and it was like, I never read this play, I should read this play.

• 1:14:34Speaker 04

  Play, you read plays.

• 1:14:35Sam Morril?

  I like dialogue, so yeah, I'll just burn through like some Sam Shepard or fucking Tennessee Williams or something. And I'm like, I fucking love this shit.

• 1:14:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:43Sam Morril?

  It's all dialogue.

• 1:14:44Mark Normand?

  Now, do you ever read it and go, I hate this? Like, halfway through, you go, I'm...

• 1:14:47Sam Morril?

  I never hate it. Sometimes I'm like, this doesn't resonate with me, but there's always like at least something where you're like, oh, that was a fucking great line.

• 1:14:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:53Sam Morril?

  Sometimes it's really experimental. I read this one called, uh, uh, The Bar of the Ho- uh, Tokyo Hotel with Tennessee Williams, and it's fucking weird as shit. But it's, I dug it. It was weird. It was, they say it's like a later life one. I like weird and I like...

• 1:15:07Speaker 04

  Make a temp.

• 1:15:08Sam Morril?

  And there's some lines that we were like, this is a failing marriage and it's sad and it's like an artist who's not a good artist anymore. I like random...

• 1:15:16Mark Normand?

  Going into that world.

• 1:15:16Speaker 04

  One act play in two scenes.

• 1:15:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was cool.

• 1:15:18Speaker 04

  I mean, Tennessee Williams is like the man.

• 1:15:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's a man.

• 1:15:21Speaker 04

  So if he wanted to try something weird, it's like, well, you don't want to...

• 1:15:24Sam Morril?

  Mark is an alcoholic.

• 1:15:26Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:15:26Speaker 04

  Mark is an alcoholic.

• 1:15:28Sam Morril?

  It's actually, his last name is Norman, too. It was weird. And he was trying to do a podcast, I don't know.

• 1:15:34Mark Normand?

  We get another, uh, wake up.

• 1:15:37Speaker 04

  Pisco sour. Wait, wait. Do we have anything else to drink?

• 1:15:39Speaker 03

  Uh, mezcalita?

• 1:15:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, make one more for the road.

• 1:15:43Speaker 04

  Mezcalita?

• 1:15:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, mezcalita.

• 1:15:45Speaker 04

  It's Mexico.

• 1:15:46Mark Normand?

  You know what I have that with is documentaries. I can watch any documentary and love it. It could be a documentary about fashion. It could be a documentary about like gay sex in the eighties in New York. It could be a docu- I love a doc. I get something out of every one.

• 1:15:58Sam Morril?

  I'm with you, man, because you learn something like,

• 1:16:00Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:16:00Sam Morril?

  We were talking about it. It's Alex Hughes's favorite doc, Paris is Burning.

• 1:16:04Mark Normand?

  Great doc.

• 1:16:04Sam Morril?

  I mean, fucking, that shit will break your heart.

• 1:16:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, unbelievable.

• 1:16:08Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:16:08Sam Morril?

  New York drag queens, and I, oh, it was the eighties. It was the eighties, right? But a lot of them got the shit kicked out of them and like,

• 1:16:14Mark Normand?

  A lot of drugs.

• 1:16:15Sam Morril?

  Tough chicks, you know?

• 1:16:16Speaker 04

  There's a book about one of the drag queens back then. Ah, fuck, and all the...

• 1:16:21Speaker 01

  I know everything about it.

• 1:16:22Speaker 04

  What's her name?

• 1:16:22Speaker 01

  Uh, the woman, uh, Extravaganza, the one who was killed in, in, uh, at the Carter Hotel?

• 1:16:28Speaker 04

  No, she's still alive. She wrote a book.

• 1:16:29Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 1:16:31Mark Normand?

  RuPaul.

• 1:16:32Sam Morril?

  Sorry.

• 1:16:32Speaker 04

  But it was all about that time, getting beat up all the time for just being them. It's crazy what they used to have to go through.

• 1:16:37Sam Morril?

  And they're scrappy as fuck. They're really amazing. They're like, it's a sad, it's a sad thing, man.

• 1:16:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, the, uh, the, uh, the ladyboys in Thailand.

• 1:16:46Sam Morril?

  Hmm.

• 1:16:47Speaker 04

  If you pick on one, you don't understand. It's like, what are those small dinosaurs from Jurassic Park?

• 1:16:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, the little ee ee ee ee.

• 1:16:52Speaker 04

  But they all come in droves.

• 1:16:53Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:16:54Speaker 04

  That's how they are. And so like, you pick on one, you think like, I could beat up this, it's like, it's like trans.

• 1:17:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:00Speaker 04

  And you're like, dude, it's not one trans.

• 1:17:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:02Speaker 04

  It's trans is.

• 1:17:03Mark Normand?

  Bees coming at you.

• 1:17:04Speaker 04

  And they all come, and they all know Muay Thai. So you're fucked.

• 1:17:08Sam Morril?

  Muay Thai's a scary one, dude.

• 1:17:10Speaker 04

  Before they went fully the other way, they were like, we trained.

• 1:17:13Sam Morril?

  They couldn't beat him with elbows.

• 1:17:15Mark Normand?

  Apparently there's beef. Trans once and, uh, she was the spitter. Okay, okay, from Jurassic Park. All right, sorry.

• 1:17:22Speaker 01

  Apparently there's beef there between the trans and the ladyboys.

• 1:17:25Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 1:17:26Speaker 01

  They don't like each other.

• 1:17:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, Transformers versus Decepticons.

• 1:17:30Speaker 04

  I got a lot of heat for a special. I called them tra, I called them ladyboys. And somebody was like, that's fucking bullshit. They're trans, how dare you call them that?

• 1:17:37Speaker 01

  No, they're not.

• 1:17:37Speaker 04

  I'm following their lead.

• 1:17:38Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:17:39Speaker 04

  They call themselves ladyboys. You want me to not

• 1:17:41Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:17:42Speaker 04

  respect their decisions? And I guess that's, they're different things?

• 1:17:44Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 1:17:45Mark Normand?

  Some people call themselves Edward, too. I mean, you could say it.

• 1:17:48Speaker 04

  I've been saying it.

• 1:17:49Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:17:50Speaker 04

  I refuse to let it go.

• 1:17:53Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah, I said cross dresser and I got yelled at. And I was like, I don't know.

• 1:17:56Speaker 04

  What is it?

• 1:17:57Mark Normand?

  Like, it was a drag, drag queen.

• 1:17:59Speaker 04

  What happened, what happened to, what happened to, what was Eddie Izzard?

• 1:18:02Mark Normand?

  Transvestite.

• 1:18:02Speaker 04

  What happened to them?

• 1:18:03Sam Morril?

  Eddie's trans though now, I think.

• 1:18:04Mark Normand?

  He's trans now, yeah.

• 1:18:06Speaker 04

  What happened to transvestites?

• 1:18:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:08Sam Morril?

  Well, transvestite's just, I think, women's clothes, right?

• 1:18:11Speaker 04

  They got enveloped, but what, so where are they?

• 1:18:13Mark Normand?

  You never hear them, you never see them.

• 1:18:14Sam Morril?

  I mean, Byron Gnome is technically a transvestite, right?

• 1:18:16Mark Normand?

  Yep. Oh, the, yeah, the.

• 1:18:17Sam Morril?

  Well, that's not even clothes, that's body. So what's that?

• 1:18:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, what's that?

• 1:18:21Sam Morril?

  What's when I want your skin?

• 1:18:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:24Sam Morril?

  Hannibal Lecter?

• 1:18:25Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, Hannibal, yeah. Put the lotion in the basket.

• 1:18:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:28Speaker 04

  Can I go piss real quick and come back?

• 1:18:29Sam Morril?

  Go piss, yeah.

• 1:18:31Speaker 04

  I broke the seal. Go piss.

• 1:18:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:18:33Speaker 04

  You believe in that?

• 1:18:34Sam Morril?

  I do.

• 1:18:34Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:18:35Sam Morril?

  I believe in breaking the seal.

• 1:18:36Speaker 04

  I think you just have to pee.

• 1:18:36Mark Normand?

  All right, go pee.

• 1:18:38Sam Morril?

  I believe in high fiber, the hanging curve ball, the small of a woman's back, the novels of Susan Sontag are overrated crap.

• 1:18:47Mark Normand?

  Don't pee on that plastic bag on your balls.

• 1:18:51Sam Morril?

  By the way, Bull Durham dude.

• 1:18:53Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:18:54Sam Morril?

  Fucking great flick.

• 1:18:55Mark Normand?

  That's where that's from?

• 1:18:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:56Mark Normand?

  Yes, while the woman's back.

• 1:18:58Sam Morril?

  That's a great flick.

• 1:18:59Mark Normand?

  Great movie, back when you could make a baseball comedy.

• 1:19:02Sam Morril?

  Dude, you know what, I uh...

• 1:19:04Mark Normand?

  Who wrote that?

• 1:19:05Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 1:19:06Mark Normand?

  Bull Durham.

• 1:19:07Sam Morril?

  I love that movie.

• 1:19:08Mark Normand?

  Great movie.

• 1:19:08Sam Morril?

  That's one of my favorites.

• 1:19:09Mark Normand?

  Susan Sarandon had some real sex appeal.

• 1:19:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and it's just a cool movie. It's like, I love movies about the minors.

• 1:19:15Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:19:16Sam Morril?

  Because it's all, you know what it is? It's about love of the game. It's like being like a road comic or something.

• 1:19:19Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:19:20Sam Morril?

  You're just a fucking dog, you do that because you love it.

• 1:19:23Mark Normand?

  Now get...

• 1:19:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 1:19:24Mark Normand?

  Get a clip of Sam saying he loves movies about minors.

• 1:19:31Sam Morril?

  Uh, so this is crazy, Ron Shelton.

• 1:19:33Mark Normand?

  That's who it was.

• 1:19:34Sam Morril?

  I just keep going, I'm like, because they do it for the love of the game. They do it because they love it.

• 1:19:39Mark Normand?

  They're young, they're hungry.

• 1:19:41Sam Morril?

  Fucking ass dirty. The other options didn't work out. So the minors were their only choice.

• 1:19:47Mark Normand?

  A lot of them are runaways, yeah, they had hard parenting.

• 1:19:54Sam Morril?

  That is a great fucking movie.

• 1:19:56Mark Normand?

  Great movie. Oh, look, the guy did, he did White Men Can't Jump, Tin Cup, and Bull Durham.

• 1:20:00Sam Morril?

  Tin Cup is like a little forgotten gem too, it's like...

• 1:20:03Mark Normand?

  Great movie.

• 1:20:03Sam Morril?

  It's a fun one, man. Rene Russo was just cooking in the 90s.

• 1:20:07Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah.

• 1:20:07Sam Morril?

  Every fucking movie.

• 1:20:09Mark Normand?

  So good, Thomas Crown Affair.

• 1:20:11Sam Morril?

  Major League.

• 1:20:11Mark Normand?

  Major League.

• 1:20:12Sam Morril?

  Get Shorty.

• 1:20:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy, she was very Milfie.

• 1:20:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah. She's still got it.

• 1:20:18Mark Normand?

  Still got it.

• 1:20:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good for her.

• 1:20:21Sam Morril?

  I'm a fan.

• 1:20:21Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:20:22Sam Morril?

  Um, dude, I rewatched Out of the Past for like the 12th time this week. Mitcham, it's my favorite fucking movie, I think. It's like the best movie.

• 1:20:29Mark Normand?

  I gotta rewatch it, I haven't seen it in 10 years.

• 1:20:31Sam Morril?

  Rewatch is the best. My favorite line ever, she's the femme fatale, he goes, you're like a leaf that flows from one gutter to the next.

• 1:20:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's great.

• 1:20:38Sam Morril?

  Cold, it's so good. I made a woman watch it and she was dreading it and she was like, it's one of the best movies I've ever seen.

• 1:20:44Mark Normand?

  Hey, women hate black and white.

• 1:20:45Sam Morril?

  She made me watch Panic in Needle Park right before. She made you watch it? Yeah, I'd never seen it. Oh, what'd you think? It's good, but it's two hours of heroin. Yeah, yeah, that's true.

• 1:20:53Mark Normand?

  Upper West Side heroin.

• 1:20:54Sam Morril?

  It was good, for sure, but I'm just like, come on, man, this is a fucking, I liked the ending a lot. Yeah.

• 1:20:59Mark Normand?

  Not a ton happens in that movie. I watched it too and I was like, come on, for heroin, this is slow.

• 1:21:04Sam Morril?

  I don't know why, like, I can handle like a movie about a gambling addict, but something about like a drug addict really just is like, ugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the Nirvana, uh, doc when it's...

• 1:21:14Mark Normand?

  Montage of heck.

• 1:21:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah, when it's like Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love with the fucking baby screaming and they're on drugs. I'm like, I hate this shit.

• 1:21:22Mark Normand?

  I'm with you.

• 1:21:22Sam Morril?

  Your piece is a shit.

• 1:21:24Mark Normand?

  It's not, it's gross.

• 1:21:25Sam Morril?

  I don't like it. I don't fucking like it.

• 1:21:27Mark Normand?

  I'm with you.

• 1:21:28Sam Morril?

  It's hard for me to watch. Oh, here we go.

• 1:21:30Mark Normand?

  Hey, no. El Mormon.

• 1:21:33Sam Morril?

  Ari. Is this me or have you gotten hotter?

• 1:21:39Mark Normand?

  Did you get a surgery out there in Guatemala?

• 1:21:42Speaker 04

  A lot of medicine.

• 1:21:46Speaker 04

  So, what's going on, Mark? I notice you're more interested in my stories now.

• 1:21:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:49Speaker 04

  I notice you're laughing at my stories a lot more.

• 1:21:51Sam Morril?

  This is fucking crazy.

• 1:21:53Mark Normand?

  You would not have made it out of Ecuador with that fucking top. Jew Paul.

• 1:22:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, good to have you back. All right.

• 1:22:05Sam Morril?

  This Cisco sour is hitting.

• 1:22:06Mark Normand?

  Now, where the hell you gonna go next? You've already conquered the hills of Oaxaca.

• 1:22:10Sam Morril?

  Where have you never been that you're like, I gotta go here?

• 1:22:12Speaker 04

  Well, I gotta go back to Nicaragua. I got turned away.

• 1:22:15Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:22:18Mark Normand?

  What happened? They saw your act?

• 1:22:19Speaker 04

  I took a two and a half.

• 1:22:21Mark Normand?

  Sorry. They saw Jew.

• 1:22:25Speaker 04

  I got turned away from, uh, Jew's out on Netflix right now. They picked it up.

• 1:22:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, is that right? Wow. Perfect timing. Everybody's loving you guys.

• 1:22:35Speaker 04

  I actually told them they were gonna put it out in August. I was like, take us, but I don't, if what I'm hearing is true.

• 1:22:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're like, Kanye sold out two shows? We'll take it this month. We gotta even things out.

• 1:22:43Speaker 04

  Now's the time. But, um, but, um, uh, I, uh, what was I talking about?

• 1:22:48Mark Normand?

  Nipple pit.

• 1:22:50Sam Morril?

  Nicaragua.

• 1:22:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're going to Nepal?

• 1:22:52Speaker 04

  Bus from, boat from fucking El Salvador. And then I get there, everyone, they stamp everybody and then they go like, Ari, can you come with me?

• 1:23:00Mark Normand?

  Uh oh.

• 1:23:01Speaker 04

  Okay, like, close the door behind you. I'm like, what? Close the door behind you. And they start grilling me. They, they're against journalists there. Can't have any journalism, like, any stuff on your, like, LinkedIn, if it's your journalism classes.

• 1:23:14Mark Normand?

  You're not a journalist.

• 1:23:16Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:23:17Mark Normand?

  You have a journal.

• 1:23:18Speaker 04

  So the more they search, the more it looked like I might be one. I've been on CNN. You know, I've been on the Wall Street Journal like podcast. I've been on like,

• 1:23:28Sam Morril?

  Tucker Carlson.

• 1:23:29Speaker 04

  Tucker Carlson. I've been on Rogue as he is journalist.

• 1:23:31Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:23:32Speaker 04

  At some point, that three hours are grilling me.

• 1:23:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:34Speaker 04

  Taking calls from the Capitol and eventually they go, I'm really sorry, buddy. You can't come in today.

• 1:23:39Sam Morril?

  So what do you do in that situation?

• 1:23:41Speaker 04

  Three hour boat back to this port town in El Salvador. Then the guy, the boat captain was like, what? And I'm like, they got turned away. He goes, I'm really sorry, man. I'm like, can you get back to the Capitol? He goes, I'll get, give me five more bucks. I'll get you back to the Capitol.

• 1:23:54Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:23:55Speaker 04

  Four hours of Capitol. Here's the best thing about having a schedule. You just roll with it.

• 1:24:00Sam Morril?

  That's true.

• 1:24:00Speaker 04

  I was gonna go scuba diving, go to some cigar factories, do some fun stuff in Nicaragua. All right. Plan's changed. I did have two, like two days of hostel paid for. You're not gonna get a refund in, in like Managua or whatever, but then like, and then like, oh, where do I go? So I'm like, fuck it, Medellin.

• 1:24:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:20Speaker 04

  So I flew from San Salvador to Medellin, had a blast for 10 days and, and Medellin and did Columbia. I wasn't gonna go to Columbia. I went to Columbia.

• 1:24:27Sam Morril?

  Whoa. There's something fun about not having a playbook.

• 1:24:31Speaker 04

  Bro, it's the best. If you go to a bar, you're like, let's all go to this bar. And there's a line around the block. You don't go, shit. You just go, how about that place?

• 1:24:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:41Speaker 04

  Okay. Well, that's some digi. Let's just do that.

• 1:24:44Sam Morril?

  Living by the seat of your pants. Even when you, when a flight gets fucked and it gets canceled and you're like, fuck, I'm stuck in the city for a night. You, you go from being like, fucked to like, I wonder what I'm gonna do tonight.

• 1:24:53Speaker 04

  I'm in Chicago. What can I do?

• 1:24:54Sam Morril?

  And then like, man, there is something fucking magical about just hitting like a hotel bar, ordering like a fucking steak tartare, getting a couple of whiskeys on the rocks and you're just lit up and you're just like, I feel fucking great. Yeah. I got the whole city as your oyster. The best one of those. And you're going in like a little adventure. It's fun.

• 1:25:10Speaker 04

  Yeah. The best one of those we ever did was, um,

• 1:25:14Speaker 04

  were you there, Bonnaroo? You were.

• 1:25:16Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 1:25:16Speaker 04

  Me and Big Jay.

• 1:25:17Sam Morril?

  I think I was there the year after you guys.

• 1:25:18Speaker 04

  Okay. So we're all there. On the way back, there's hurricanes or whatever. So early flights went off, later flights got delayed. Jay got off.

• 1:25:27Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 1:25:28Speaker 04

  And he goes, yeah, my flight's taking off. They go, oh, my flight's being delayed. It might get canceled. And he goes, what are you gonna do? And I go, this is from Nashville. And I go, I'm gonna call Rafi May. He's gonna invite me over to barbecue.

• 1:25:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, how about that?

• 1:25:41Speaker 04

  I'm almost positive. And I was, he was like, really? I'm like, I mean, I'll be okay. And I call, I was like, hey, my flight's delayed. Man, come over, I got the egg going. You gotta get over here.

• 1:25:50Mark Normand?

  The green egg?

• 1:25:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, and we went over there, barbecue, we're, it just ate barbecue. And watched like the induction for like, Green Day into the Rock and Roll All Fame.

• 1:25:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, fun.

• 1:25:59Sam Morril?

  That's cool.

• 1:26:00Speaker 04

  And just had a blast. I gotta call that guy, oh my fucking.

• 1:26:05Mark Normand?

  Damn, yeah, that is pretty great.

• 1:26:06Speaker 04

  If you can roll with stuff, it just makes your life.

• 1:26:10Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 1:26:10Speaker 04

  If you're not locked in your like, expectations.

• 1:26:12Sam Morril?

  You're allowed to have a moment of like, fuck, but then after that moment.

• 1:26:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:26:16Sam Morril?

  And you roll with it.

• 1:26:17Mark Normand?

  You're gonna spin it.

• 1:26:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, give me 10 seconds ago, damn it.

• 1:26:20Sam Morril?

  I will say, Mark is so good at that shit. Like, I think, I think I'm pretty good with it too. Like, we, we had a thing, we had like a setback with our movie today, and we both didn't panic. We both were just like, it's gonna be okay.

• 1:26:30Mark Normand?

  It's gonna be okay.

• 1:26:30Sam Morril?

  And, and we both.

• 1:26:32Speaker 04

  Wow, good for you.

• 1:26:32Sam Morril?

  Completely, I mean, you get, you get the fuck this shit out of the system, but then you're kinda like, we're, we're gonna pivot, we're gonna figure it out. And, uh, that attitude in life is like, it's so fucking essential.

• 1:26:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:26:43Speaker 04

  The fact that it could be worse is actually a real thing. It could be a lot worse.

• 1:26:47Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:26:48Speaker 04

  I don't know how, I know I'm not gonna tell you any names, but like.

• 1:26:51Mark Normand?

  Which one's this?

• 1:26:52Speaker 03

  This is a mezcalita.

• 1:26:53Mark Normand?

  This is just for the, one for the road. I don't even know what this is.

• 1:26:56Speaker 04

  One for the road, based on the One for the Road podcast. So, the, the margarita was, is like, low class in Mexico.

• 1:27:04Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:27:05Speaker 04

  The mezcalita, it's just a mezcal margarita.

• 1:27:08Mark Normand?

  Way better, I think.

• 1:27:09Speaker 04

  Way better, smokier.

• 1:27:10Mark Normand?

  Everything better with mezcal.

• 1:27:11Sam Morril?

  I love a mezcal Negroni too.

• 1:27:14Speaker 04

  Mmm.

• 1:27:14Speaker 03

  Here, here.

• 1:27:15Mark Normand?

  Woo, smoky.

• 1:27:17Speaker 04

  Oh my god.

• 1:27:17Mark Normand?

  Very nice. You're on fire.

• 1:27:19Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:27:20Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god.

• 1:27:21Speaker 04

  Margarita?

• 1:27:21Mark Normand?

  Maddie.

• 1:27:22Speaker 04

  Maddie.

• 1:27:23Speaker 03

  Maddie.

• 1:27:23Sam Morril?

  That's salt on the rim, fuck.

• 1:27:25Speaker 03

  Tahin.

• 1:27:26Sam Morril?

  Tahin, I love that.

• 1:27:28Speaker 04

  Tahin.

• 1:27:28Mark Normand?

  Now, let me just say this, side note, I kinda like the no journalist idea. Fuck journalists. Let, let us do our thing and quit documenting everything. I don't want to answer questions.

• 1:27:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't want to.

• 1:27:39Sam Morril?

  You need some journalists.

• 1:27:41Mark Normand?

  I know, I'm saying.

• 1:27:42Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna push back on this one.

• 1:27:43Mark Normand?

  I like a place that doesn't have it. Let's have one place without it.

• 1:27:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah, let's have Trump with no journalism. That's a good idea.

• 1:27:50Mark Normand?

  Well, this is Nicaragua I'm talking here.

• 1:27:52Sam Morril?

  Okay, but I'm saying, I don't think it's a one size fits all system.

• 1:27:56Mark Normand?

  We need journalists, but hey, if we can have one place without it, fuck it, let's party there.

• 1:27:59Speaker 04

  I hear you, I hear you, not wrong. Um, yeah, I would have loved to have gone, I still want to go.

• 1:28:03Sam Morril?

  Like a New Amsterdam type thing?

• 1:28:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, give me one spot with no journalists.

• 1:28:08Speaker 04

  That would be, to answer the question, that'd be a place I want to go.

• 1:28:10Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:28:11Sam Morril?

  There's gonna be a lot of beheadings in this place.

• 1:28:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, what Nicaragua's thing?

• 1:28:17Speaker 04

  Uh, uh.

• 1:28:18Mark Normand?

  Soccer?

• 1:28:18Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:28:19Speaker 03

  Not having journalists.

• 1:28:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:21Speaker 04

  No drones also, can't take a drone in with you.

• 1:28:23Mark Normand?

  Okay, great, I hate drones.

• 1:28:24Speaker 04

  They search back only for drones, like, you're good. Um, uh, sandboarding.

• 1:28:29Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:28:29Speaker 04

  Down volcanoes.

• 1:28:30Mark Normand?

  How about that?

• 1:28:31Speaker 04

  Cigars, top two in the world.

• 1:28:33Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:28:34Sam Morril?

  Nicaragua, they're number two after Cuba?

• 1:28:36Speaker 04

  No, Cuba's three.

• 1:28:37Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 1:28:38Sam Morril?

  What's number one?

• 1:28:39Speaker 04

  DR, DR Nicaragua.

• 1:28:40Sam Morril?

  DR over Cuba?

• 1:28:41Speaker 04

  Cuba wants to shit.

• 1:28:42Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:28:43Speaker 04

  China bought most of the, uh, of the brands. No, it's normal, I don't know. They bought most of it, slashed their, like, uh, quality.

• 1:28:53Speaker 04

  Uh, yeah, volcanoes, uh, scuba diving in the, was it the cor-?

• 1:28:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, cool, okay.

• 1:28:58Speaker 04

  I don't know, I'm not, I'm not, I don't know. All I, I was there for three hours.

• 1:29:01Sam Morril?

  You're talking of the tourism and you're like, I, I wasn't allowed in.

• 1:29:03Speaker 04

  I was there for three hours, I fed a street dog and then I went home.

• 1:29:06Mark Normand?

  Okay, they got poetry, maybe, maybe this place thinks.

• 1:29:09Speaker 04

  They got poetry.

• 1:29:10Mark Normand?

  They got handcrafts, boo.

• 1:29:12Speaker 04

  Oh, I did hear about a comedian. So I'm being interrogated by this guy, and the guy's like, okay, then he hangs up the phone with, with Monog, with a capital, and now he's just, he's like, I'm not, I'm not in charge of this. I'm just like taking stuff from them. So then we're talking, in between, the phone rings back again. Ask him how much he charges for tickets, how many people does he play for, stuff like that.

• 1:29:31Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:29:32Speaker 04

  But in between, we're just talking. And he goes, uh, I'm asking about foods to eat, what I should, I think I'm still getting in. And I'm like, yeah, are there any, like? Nicaragua comedians?

• 1:29:43Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:29:43Speaker 04

  He goes, yeah, there's one guy.

• 1:29:45Mark Normand?

  Uh huh.

• 1:29:46Speaker 04

  JR. And I go, is he like, I still got my, is he like a sketch guy or is he an actual stand up?

• 1:29:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, thank you. Good question.

• 1:29:55Speaker 04

  Actual stand up.

• 1:29:56Mark Normand?

  Is that him?

• 1:29:57Speaker 04

  He only plays, yep. Only plays in Nicaragua. He's big. Four point, wait, four point three million subscribers.

• 1:30:06Mark Normand?

  Holy hell.

• 1:30:08Sam Morril?

  This guy's big time.

• 1:30:08Mark Normand?

  How many people live in Nicaragua? Four point three million?

• 1:30:11Speaker 04

  Four?

• 1:30:12Sam Morril?

  That's all of them.

• 1:30:13Mark Normand?

  He's got them all.

• 1:30:14Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:30:15Sam Morril?

  Wait, does he have any stand up clips? I haven't seen any stand up either.

• 1:30:19Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:30:20Mark Normand?

  Alright, he's a funny comedic actor.

• 1:30:22Speaker 04

  Damn it.

• 1:30:23Mark Normand?

  Stand up's hard.

• 1:30:24Speaker 04

  Damn it, yeah.

• 1:30:26Mark Normand?

  Alright, well shout out to, oh, Bad Bunny.

• 1:30:28Speaker 01

  Three point two million views?

• 1:30:31Speaker 04

  Oh, JR's in a Bad Bunny video?

• 1:30:33Mark Normand?

  Wow, this guy's big.

• 1:30:35Speaker 01

  No, he's doing a Bad Bunny song, I think.

• 1:30:37Speaker 04

  Oh, he's making fun of him.

• 1:30:40Speaker 01

  Crazy.

• 1:30:43Mark Normand?

  Wow, he can't leave there.

• 1:30:44Speaker 04

  It's my hard, well, I didn't read the rest, what?

• 1:30:46Speaker 01

  That's what you get with no journalists, by the way.

• 1:30:47Speaker 04

  It's my hard what?

• 1:30:50Speaker 04

  It's very hard. What did he say? Es mi duro?

• 1:30:53Speaker 03

  He said yeah.

• 1:30:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, I get it.

• 1:30:54Speaker 03

  He said you.

• 1:30:55Speaker 04

  I don't want nothing to understand. I don't know what that word is.

• 1:31:00Speaker 01

  Hey, Nicaragua's pretty good.

• 1:31:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, it got better.

• 1:31:02Mark Normand?

  Nice. Alright, well, hey, good on you, JR.

• 1:31:07Speaker 04

  Guys, I missed you guys.

• 1:31:08Sam Morril?

  I missed you, man. I was really happy when I saw you at the cellar the other night. And then again, in the, in the park.

• 1:31:13Speaker 04

  Playing basketball.

• 1:31:14Sam Morril?

  That was fun, man.

• 1:31:14Mark Normand?

  Well, you give me hope because I have all this fear of not being relevant. Uh, if I don't post a clip, people are gonna forget about me. If we miss a week with the pod, it's all over. You went for eight months. You came back with a vengeance with this.

• 1:31:27Sam Morril?

  And it's like nothing has changed, really.

• 1:31:29Mark Normand?

  Nothing's changed.

• 1:31:30Speaker 04

  I went, the last time I went to, twenty seventeen, I went to Southeast Asia for four and a half months. Yeah, and Joe List, you know, there's like conversations where like stuck in your brain is, is, he goes, aren't you afraid of like falling behind? And I'm like, well, I have a special gonna come out when I get back and I have a. I have my storytelling show that's not happening. That didn't work out, but nothing can be predicted on that. What do you mean it didn't work out? Uh, they replaced me when I said, uh, I want to sell my special in Netflix. Oh, I see. Yeah, but that wasn't, hadn't been done yet. Yeah, I got it. It was waiting for me and I was like, these are going great. We can take time off. I have an idea that comedians in this day and age are putting out more than they're taking in to an un- I think you're right. Unsustainable levels.

• 1:32:15Sam Morril?

  You're, you're right.

• 1:32:16Speaker 04

  So we're constantly, this is once a week here, sure, you have a second podcast. Okay, sure. It's more and more put out. What are we taking in to draw from? Hmm. I think there's a real problem. I think you got something. Problem where we're like, I gotta do something this week. I'm like, do you have anything to say? I'm like, no. Yeah. Well, then that's not gonna be good. Right. And I'm gonna have stuff to talk about.

• 1:32:36Sam Morril?

  We're bad at it. It, it's the truth. I mean, we gotta step it up with that.

• 1:32:39Speaker 04

  Just meeting you at the park for basketball, like, yes.

• 1:32:42Sam Morril?

  No, I do that stuff. I like to just shoot a ball around just like-

• 1:32:45Speaker 04

  Especially in my neighborhood at Tompkins. It was like-

• 1:32:47Sam Morril?

  I love it.

• 1:32:48Speaker 04

  Dude, I'm like three minutes away. I'll meet you. Yeah, but- Yeah? We, we run our own business here. No one's gonna do it if we don't do it. So I kinda have that fear, like, there's no one- But you also gotta have, if you're on Friends, this is, I'm old, but this is my, this is my example of like, successful sitcom. Yeah. Number one in the world. Big show. Twenty-two weeks on. Ah. Thirty weeks off. And NBC decided that for them. If we had to decide for ourselves, if they had to decide for themselves, they're not taking thirty weeks off. They're getting the three million an episode for fifty-two weeks. Yeah. And I'm not saying take off. I'm just saying-

• 1:33:25Sam Morril?

  Take in.

• 1:33:25Speaker 04

  Take in, yeah. You're right, you're right. We used to take more in, cause we, we were less busy. When I moved to New York, you guys were all barely doing stuff and we were out. Doing things, making memories.

• 1:33:38Sam Morril?

  Making memories.

• 1:33:39Speaker 04

  No more like, I gotta get up for a podcast tomorrow.

• 1:33:41Sam Morril?

  There was less to do. I mean, it was an easier time.

• 1:33:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:33:44Sam Morril?

  I've had, Chris Rock has said this many times about young comedians. Even LeBron had an offseason.

• 1:33:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:33:51Sam Morril?

  Take a, take a break.

• 1:33:52Speaker 04

  Take some time off.

• 1:33:53Sam Morril?

  He's right.

• 1:33:55Speaker 04

  The Fountainhead, the guy went off on the boat for a while.

• 1:33:57Sam Morril?

  We need inspiration, need stories. Like, I'm thinking about that sometimes. Like, I closed my last couple specials on stories. I'm like, I need more stories. And you don't get them by just fucking going to the same bar every night and getting shitfaced. You gotta go on some adventures, and you're going on adventures. And that actually is, it's inspiring.

• 1:34:13Mark Normand?

  You're right.

• 1:34:14Speaker 04

  I actually asked Sam to be in my storytelling show, The End. I think, correct me if I'm wrong, you're like, bro, I can't, I do have a story.

• 1:34:23Sam Morril?

  I'm closing my hour, I can't spare it.

• 1:34:25Speaker 04

  I can't spare this for you.

• 1:34:26Sam Morril?

  I can't spare my closer, yeah, because it's a close, I, I want to do your storytelling show. I've done the live ones.

• 1:34:31Speaker 04

  He's done the live ones.

• 1:34:31Sam Morril?

  But, but I-

• 1:34:32Speaker 04

  To me, they're all the same. Live ones and tapers are all the same.

• 1:34:34Sam Morril?

  But, uh, but, yeah, I, I, I, I arc an hour a certain way, where like, I like to have short jokes up top, a couple, a couple of short stories, and I like to have a long story at the end. And I couldn't, I can't give up this long story closing on-

• 1:34:47Speaker 04

  What I needed was to give you a year's notice. And I used to do that, but this is not happening. Where like, hey, don't make this your closer.

• 1:34:55Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 1:34:55Speaker 04

  Save it for me.

• 1:34:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:57Speaker 04

  If it ever comes back, please, you have to do it.

• 1:35:01Sam Morril?

  I will.

• 1:35:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you gotta do it. You're, you're one of the, you're one of the storytellers in New York.

• 1:35:05Speaker 04

  Especially, no, when I asked you, the first time to do it live, you were like, it's not really my thing.

• 1:35:09Sam Morril?

  No, yeah.

• 1:35:10Mark Normand?

  No, what you think, The White Knight, all that stuff.

• 1:35:13Sam Morril?

  I got a few, I got a few.

• 1:35:14Mark Normand?

  Uh, I've done the live one a bunch, and I've done, it's not happening twice.

• 1:35:19Speaker 04

  It's not happening twice, the end one.

• 1:35:20Sam Morril?

  I think Mark is such a good storyteller, and Mark doesn't think he's a good storyteller.

• 1:35:24Speaker 04

  He does not think he's good.

• 1:35:25Sam Morril?

  And it annoys me.

• 1:35:26Speaker 04

  It's so funny.

• 1:35:27Sam Morril?

  It annoys me because-

• 1:35:27Mark Normand?

  I can tell to you guys.

• 1:35:28Sam Morril?

  No, no, no, hold on. You're, you're so scared for a silence.

• 1:35:32Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:35:33Sam Morril?

  And storytelling's about building tension.

• 1:35:35Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:35:35Sam Morril?

  And you want like, bam, bam, bam. But you, you're not gonna let a story not be super funny. So it's gonna, it's gonna naturally just have a shitload of punchline.

• 1:35:44Speaker 04

  That's why comedians are better at it. You can't not, you can't go forty minutes.

• 1:35:47Sam Morril?

  But if you, if you just embrace the silence, and have that, because it's even bigger tension release at the big pop.

• 1:35:53Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:35:54Sam Morril?

  When you embrace that, but you hate it so much, but I think it's like, oh man, I want to see the Mark Norman, like, like a 12-minute Mark Norman story.

• 1:36:00Mark Normand?

  12-minute, my god.

• 1:36:01Sam Morril?

  It's gonna be punchy as fuck.

• 1:36:03Speaker 04

  That's 12 minutes.

• 1:36:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, really? That, that took everything I had.

• 1:36:06Sam Morril?

  It's gonna be punchy as fuck, you know, like-

• 1:36:08Speaker 04

  You've got another one in the can that I told you, like, you gotta save that for another time.

• 1:36:12Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:36:15Sam Morril?

  We've talked about like that, like Jim Jefferies has those stories where you're like, uh, like the muscular dystrophy brothel story. That's like a 25-minute bit.

• 1:36:23Mark Normand?

  Is it that long?

• 1:36:24Sam Morril?

  Yes, but it's so punchy.

• 1:36:26Speaker 04

  It's one story sometimes.

• 1:36:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:27Speaker 04

  And you're like, but at the end, you're just like, before they even say, "That's it for me, thank you," you're just like, "Oh, you know, you know you've completed a journey with them."

• 1:36:36Mark Normand?

  But here's the thing about stories nobody brings up, is I can punch up a story, but the ending of a story-

• 1:36:42Speaker 04

  It's so important.

• 1:36:42Mark Normand?

  That is so hard. That takes a whole turn and a-

• 1:36:45Sam Morril?

  Sometimes you need the ending first, because, and then you can just take liberties, but, you know, Ryan Hamilton, another friend of ours, has-

• 1:36:50Mark Normand?

  He's got the bus.

• 1:36:51Sam Morril?

  He's got like a sto- it's like, might be a 30, 40-minute story.

• 1:36:53Speaker 04

  Oh, he did it on my show in Salt Lake.

• 1:36:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:36:56Speaker 04

  I'm pretty sure, did I get that? I might be conflating memories, but like-

• 1:36:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:59Speaker 04

  I was like, "Hey, you're in town to do your fucking whatever, you know, re-virgin-ing, whatever the fuck those women's do." I was like, "Come do my show."

• 1:37:08Mark Normand?

  Soaking.

• 1:37:08Speaker 04

  I was there doing it. We've done the Salt Lake ones-

• 1:37:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, a couple times.

• 1:37:11Speaker 04

  For ski trips.

• 1:37:11Mark Normand?

  Had a blast.

• 1:37:12Speaker 04

  And it was like, did he ever do one?

• 1:37:14Mark Normand?

  Nah, not when I was there.

• 1:37:15Speaker 04

  Maybe I'm thinking-

• 1:37:15Mark Normand?

  He was there-

• 1:37:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:37:16Mark Normand?

  Doing something else.

• 1:37:18Speaker 03

  He does like 30 minutes just about getting hit by a bus.

• 1:37:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's like, it's incredible. It takes you on a trip, but it was like, it's so-

• 1:37:25Speaker 03

  You're there from contact to healing.

• 1:37:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:27Speaker 04

  And even if you're not laughing, you're just like this, like, you're like that. It's like, yeah, they're fun, they're fun.

• 1:37:33Mark Normand?

  In this next hour, I'm doing a story.

• 1:37:34Sam Morril?

  I think, I think you should.

• 1:37:35Speaker 04

  It's a good closer.

• 1:37:36Sam Morril?

  Cause it's also, you know, it's an energy shift, too. It's like, I think-

• 1:37:39Speaker 04

  And that's what check drops, we don't do clubs anymore, but like-

• 1:37:42Sam Morril?

  Exactly, but-

• 1:37:42Speaker 04

  Check drops are like, this is the right time for it.

• 1:37:44Sam Morril?

  That's, that's why I started doing stories, is because I was like, I need something to hold them, but, you know, you listen to an old Dangerfield album, and he's doing bit, bit, bit, and that's why he'd go into crowd work, just to mix up, just to mix up the rhythm.

• 1:37:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:56Sam Morril?

  So it would become less predictable, but I think a story serves the same thing, so I, I love one.

• 1:38:00Speaker 04

  But it's a punchy story.

• 1:38:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:02Speaker 04

  Here's the thing, Edinburgh, those are like UK and Australian comics, they do stories-

• 1:38:08Speaker 04

  How do I say this without being rude? Boring? That's with being rude. Oh.

• 1:38:13Sam Morril?

  No, but I know what you're saying.

• 1:38:14Speaker 04

  Yeah. Self-fulfilling? Are like, well, I can't. So one time when I was at the improv lab doing this, not before they even had our name. Hmm. We were doing the shows and John Reap was doing it. John Reap was a killer.

• 1:38:26Sam Morril?

  Great person too.

• 1:38:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, great guy. And, um, and, um, he, he was like, dude, after like thirty or forty seconds, I was like, I gotta make a funny face or something. This is like, Yeah, yeah, I get it. I haven't gotten a laugh. I'm used to getting laughs every ten seconds. Yes. So you're like, but American stand-ups will just naturally punch it up. You have to out of survival. Big Jay told the story. He's in the Hall of Fame of the show. He told a story about seeing a fight outside the Comedy Cellar. The fight itself, the story itself was, was ninety-eight seconds. Hmm. Where the cops came and took him away.

• 1:38:59Sam Morril?

  I think I was with Jay that night, by the way.

• 1:39:01Speaker 04

  And it was like a fifteen minute story.

• 1:39:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:03Speaker 04

  On his descriptions of like-

• 1:39:04Sam Morril?

  Where they choked the guy out or whatever?

• 1:39:06Speaker 04

  Two, three women.

• 1:39:07Sam Morril?

  Oh, different time.

• 1:39:09Speaker 04

  And he's just a good storyteller. He making it long, last longer than the actual details. And it had an ending? He's the best.

• 1:39:16Sam Morril?

  He's a great storyteller.

• 1:39:17Speaker 04

  Him, Ali, Burt, Diaz, and, uh, and like Miss Pat and Sean Patton. Those are like the top. Oh, yeah.

• 1:39:24Sam Morril?

  Sean Patton's got some fucking crazy stories.

• 1:39:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, and he tells them so well.

• 1:39:28Sam Morril?

  And his show just got fucking canceled on FX. I'm so mad. Go YouTube some Sean Patton's stories on YouTube. He's phenomenal.

• 1:39:35Speaker 04

  The Cuban story on This Not Happening. Oh, yeah. That was a great one. The fake gay bashing in New Orleans. Yeah, he's a natural.

• 1:39:42Sam Morril?

  That was a good show on FX, The English Teacher. I'm, I'm pissed. I really liked it, man.

• 1:39:47Speaker 04

  Oh, I had something to say.

• 1:39:48Sam Morril?

  I'm pissed I got canceled.

• 1:39:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, Sean.

• 1:39:50Sam Morril?

  Sean was, he shined in that, man. He really shined in that role.

• 1:39:53Speaker 04

  What a good drinker. Oh, my God. The best. The best drunk. I had cross on. You guys have had him on, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. I farted on him.

• 1:40:01Sam Morril?

  Not as good a drinker.

• 1:40:03Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 1:40:04Speaker 04

  But I remember asking him, like, is Sean, you know Sean? He opens for me and says, yeah, like, what a good drinker. He's like, bro.

• 1:40:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:40:10Speaker 04

  He doesn't like pressure you like DeRosa, like that fucking head pig.

• 1:40:14Mark Normand?

  Shots, shots.

• 1:40:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:40:16Sam Morril?

  DeRosa's happy to be at a funeral because we have to take the shot with him.

• 1:40:19Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:40:22Speaker 04

  Hey, what do you think of this? I have a new su- su- su- subject change.

• 1:40:25Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:40:26Speaker 04

  You know when people are like, you want to do shots? You're like, no. And you're like, you know, we're all in our 30s now. We know, we're like, who we are.

• 1:40:34Speaker 04

  I already told you, laughing too hard.

• 1:40:37Speaker 04

  It's not the shots. It's what you really want to do is have people turn it up.

• 1:40:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:41Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:40:42Speaker 04

  So how about this? Go, hey, guys, can you guys all turn it up 15%?

• 1:40:46Mark Normand?

  I like that.

• 1:40:46Speaker 04

  And then it's like, you know what? I got half a beer. I'm gonna chug this and get another one.

• 1:40:50Mark Normand?

  I love turn it up.

• 1:40:52Speaker 04

  Turn it up 15%.

• 1:40:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah, not shots.

• 1:40:55Speaker 04

  Not shots, I'll barf and go home.

• 1:40:57Sam Morril?

  And also, we're all adults. We know our limits.

• 1:41:00Speaker 04

  I know my limits.

• 1:41:01Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:41:02Sam Morril?

  So I don't like the whole like, catch up. It's like, bro.

• 1:41:05Speaker 04

  Bro, I'm good.

• 1:41:07Sam Morril?

  You're gonna like me better at this level. I'm drinking.

• 1:41:08Speaker 04

  I know where I'm at.

• 1:41:10Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:41:11Sam Morril?

  But also, but also, this is embarrassing that we're adults and we still hang out with people that pressure us like this.

• 1:41:16Mark Normand?

  DeRosa.

• 1:41:17Speaker 04

  DeRosa.

• 1:41:18Sam Morril?

  No, no adult should be hanging out with someone who's like, catch up pussy. That's like fucking college shit.

• 1:41:24Speaker 04

  Catch up pussy, what? Who the fuck are you?

• 1:41:26Mark Normand?

  That's a horrible flavor.

• 1:41:28Sam Morril?

  Catch up pussy.

• 1:41:29Mark Normand?

  But, yeah.

• 1:41:30Sam Morril?

  I'm like, oh, fuck.

• 1:41:32Mark Normand?

  But back to the relevance thing.

• 1:41:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:41:33Mark Normand?

  Because you were gone for eight months.

• 1:41:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:41:35Mark Normand?

  Last, last year, I went to Australia.

• 1:41:37Speaker 04

  Good memory.

• 1:41:37Mark Normand?

  UK and I did a whole run somewhere else.

• 1:41:41Speaker 04

  Do you feel like you're missing out?

• 1:41:42Mark Normand?

  Yes. I was gone for a month.

• 1:41:44Sam Morril?

  I was gone for a couple of weeks and I, three weeks maybe, and I felt the same way.

• 1:41:47Speaker 04

  Where, where?

• 1:41:48Sam Morril?

  All over Europe, it was great.

• 1:41:49Speaker 04

  Okay, this is the craziest thing to me. Okay, can I just ground you guys for a second?

• 1:41:53Mark Normand?

  Second week, you start itching.

• 1:41:55Speaker 04

  You're doing a European tour.

• 1:41:57Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:41:57Speaker 04

  It is so high level. It's something we could not have imagined.

• 1:42:01Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 1:42:02Speaker 04

  Doing when we were starting.

• 1:42:03Sam Morril?

  I'm having so much fun doing it too.

• 1:42:04Speaker 04

  So much fun. You're in Berlin in a nightclub at 7 a.m.

• 1:42:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:08Speaker 04

  Still doing drugs.

• 1:42:08Mark Normand?

  You're gonna live there.

• 1:42:10Speaker 04

  But like, but like, we're do- we're doing a European tour and we're feeling like. Am I missing out? It's everywhere. You know Sagalow would fucking cut himself to be where we are?

• 1:42:22Sam Morril?

  That's his new closer, actually.

• 1:42:25Speaker 04

  And we're thinking we're doing something wrong. It's messed up.

• 1:42:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:28Speaker 04

  We're doing it right.

• 1:42:29Sam Morril?

  You're right. I don't feel regret. I'm actually doing another Euro tour in a few months and I'm so pumped. I'm just going to random places I've never been because I want to go to them. We'll plug it at the end. I mean, let's fucking plug it. Let's do some plugs, shit. We've been on for almost two hours, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, what do I got? Well, I got LA coming up with list, Jordan Jensen. Dude, Lisbon's the prettiest city I've ever been to. And Rachel Feinstein. Yeah, I'd say so. Dynasty Theater.

• 1:42:51Speaker 04

  Okay, oh!

• 1:42:52Sam Morril?

  Twenty-seventh.

• 1:42:53Speaker 04

  Bro, wait, what's Athena?

• 1:42:54Sam Morril?

  Verona, uh. Greece. Athens, it's supposed to say. But yeah, Verona, New York, Turner Stone Casino, June 6th. Then we got Lisbon, August 30th.

• 1:43:02Speaker 04

  Pause, pause, pause, pause.

• 1:43:03Sam Morril?

  Uh, September 2nd.

• 1:43:04Speaker 04

  No, no, pause, pause. I'm gonna, we're gonna do the plugs, so I'm gonna stop in a minute.

• 1:43:08Sam Morril?

  Stop me, what's up?

• 1:43:09Speaker 04

  Okay, here's what you're doing right. August is 31 days, okay, great. When you're doing a European tour, you want to have Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays off.

• 1:43:17Sam Morril?

  I'm getting, I'm getting to Lisbon early.

• 1:43:21Speaker 04

  Okay, Lisbon early. Wait, go back up, go back up some? Great, get to Lisbon hella early.

• 1:43:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:27Speaker 04

  Leave the next day, get to Athens is one of the most underrated cities in the world.

• 1:43:31Sam Morril?

  Athens is awesome.

• 1:43:32Speaker 04

  It's so punk rock. It's so fucking cool. The outdoor theaters are so fu- Outdoor movie theaters, you can see a black and white, like, film noir in a language you can't understand with, with Greek subtitles and you follow along somehow drinking booze, smoking rollie cigarettes in an outdoor theater.

• 1:43:50Sam Morril?

  Hell, yeah. You'll smoke a cigarette. Yeah, we got, uh, I love a drunk cigarette. What the hell is Grad Zagreb?

• 1:43:55Speaker 04

  Zagreb.

• 1:43:56Sam Morril?

  That's Croatia. Croatia. We got, uh, Hungary, Budapest in Hungary, we got, uh, Croatia.

• 1:44:03Speaker 04

  Warsaw, going to the camps.

• 1:44:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Vienna. I heard Poland's awesome. Warsaw.

• 1:44:07Speaker 04

  Dude, this is a great, this is a-

• 1:44:09Sam Morril?

  Helsinki, Stockholm and Copenhagen.

• 1:44:12Speaker 04

  This is a great fucking tour.

• 1:44:14Sam Morril?

  I haven't, I've been to some of them. I haven't, I haven't been to Stockholm, Copenhagen. I've done, I haven't done Finland, I haven't done Vi- Vienna, I really just want to go.

• 1:44:20Speaker 04

  I've never done Copenhagen.

• 1:44:21Sam Morril?

  I just want to go where Orson Welles, uh, in The Third Man, goes on that fucking train and gives that speech, like, look at them, they're all like ants, you know? Would you miss any of them if they died, you know?

• 1:44:32Mark Normand?

  Sweden is so pretty. You're gonna love Sweden.

• 1:44:34Speaker 04

  And the girls are not bad.

• 1:44:36Sam Morril?

  They're pretty, they're pretty attractive.

• 1:44:37Mark Normand?

  That's right up your.

• 1:44:38Sam Morril?

  That is the Jews, that is the Jews type, by the way. Blonde hair, blue eyes.

• 1:44:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:42Sam Morril?

  Would you, would you have hidden us in the Holocaust? Who knows? But I'm willing to.

• 1:44:46Speaker 04

  I'd hide in your pussy.

• 1:44:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it would.

• 1:44:48Speaker 04

  Wait, forget that. Are you a Jew? Sure, sure, sure. Go to the end. No, no, no, go to the end. Yeah.

• 1:44:54Mark Normand?

  There we go.

• 1:44:54Speaker 04

  Theend dot YMH studios dot com. Norm, Mark Norman's in it. Me and Mark Norman in the same episode.

• 1:45:00Mark Normand?

  Hey, I'm honored.

• 1:45:02Speaker 04

  An episode called, hold on, Not All Heroes Wear Capes. Go down, go down some, go down some, go down some. Boo. Boom, there it is.

• 1:45:10Mark Normand?

  Me, you and Duncan.

• 1:45:11Speaker 04

  Me, you and Duncan.

• 1:45:12Sam Morril?

  Oh, I miss Duncan, man. He's a good dude.

• 1:45:13Mark Normand?

  Good guy.

• 1:45:14Speaker 04

  He's one of the best dudes and comics. He's the most, honestly, the most creative guy in comedy. Um, Easter egg at the end of that. Duncan does the theme song at the end of that.

• 1:45:25Mark Normand?

  Now, you worked with me pretty hands-on with this story. Is it, do you do that with everybody?

• 1:45:29Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:45:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow. That's a lot of work. Cause we were back and forth, back and forth. I think we should talk about this, change that, take that out and.

• 1:45:37Speaker 04

  I do a thing where I'm like, I'm trying not to overstep. I've produced a few things now.

• 1:45:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:42Speaker 04

  With my friends.

• 1:45:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:43Speaker 04

  Sal, Jay, Adrian, where it's not like producing. I, I gotta think of another title.

• 1:45:51Mark Normand?

  I'll hold their hand.

• 1:45:52Speaker 04

  It's more than that.

• 1:45:52Sam Morril?

  It's how producing should be.

• 1:45:54Speaker 04

  It's like, hey, what's your material? What are you closing on? Why? Okay, here's the things. You have 10 bits. I want you to like, get the.

• 1:46:01Sam Morril?

  But isn't that what producing should be?

• 1:46:02Speaker 04

  It should be. That's why I'm still calling myself producer, but I'm like, get those eight, nine, 10 bits. I want you to go get those to four, five, six. So work on those only. Your one, two, three are great. They're done. Get those up. Work on those only. Why are you closing on this? What are you trying to say in your thing? It's like a director, sort of, sort of, like a theater director.

• 1:46:24Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:46:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, I want to go hands on. Doug Smith for his story.

• 1:46:29Sam Morril?

  One of the guys, look up that story, Doug Smith. The subway hero.

• 1:46:33Speaker 04

  Dude, I went to New York Comedy Club 40 times to watch his story. I'm like, shit, I got 20 minutes. I'll come down, watch you and then go back to the stand.

• 1:46:40Mark Normand?

  Pull it out. It's one of the ones. It's got like five million views.

• 1:46:42Sam Morril?

  It's one of the most incredible stories. Doug's a great dude and he's very, very funny.

• 1:46:46Mark Normand?

  This is not happening.

• 1:46:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I will go hands on, hands on.

• 1:46:50Sam Morril?

  It's an incredible story.

• 1:46:51Speaker 04

  It's an incredible story already, so you're just going to get to it.

• 1:46:54Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:46:54Speaker 04

  Stabbed in the face.

• 1:46:55Mark Normand?

  And he knew this would be his ticket and he put all the work into it.

• 1:46:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, he, he was willing to go, him, Louis Katz that year.

• 1:47:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Louis Katz.

• 1:47:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, we're like, let me just not just say it. Let me tell it right.

• 1:47:06Mark Normand?

  Yes. I mean, it's punched up. The ending's amazing.

• 1:47:09Speaker 04

  God, he does. Doesn't look like this anymore.

• 1:47:11Mark Normand?

  Low, low, lower it a little bit or go scroll down. Just want to see the views on this thing.

• 1:47:17Mark Normand?

  Six point two million people. Wow, that's incredible.

• 1:47:21Sam Morril?

  It, it deserves it. It's, it's an incredible story. I sent it to my mom.

• 1:47:25Speaker 04

  And it's like, it's not ending right, man. You haven't made yourself this. So it's like, okay, but it's not, you're not changing details. You're changing how you say it.

• 1:47:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:33Speaker 04

  You're not lying. You're just like, what, what do I end? Do I learn something at the end or what? You learn 20 things. Which one do you want to say?

• 1:47:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:40Sam Morril?

  It helps to have a person help you take a step back and be like, yeah, what is this?

• 1:47:44Speaker 04

  Yeah. So I'm not, I'm not some producer. I'm a comedian. So I'm going to help you as a comedian, who also has invested interest in making your story the best it can be.

• 1:47:53Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:47:53Speaker 04

  And that's what I did with the end.

• 1:47:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:56Speaker 04

  I talked to everybody. I was like, what's your, I actually got accused, I'm not going to say who, of helping a woman with her story on this not happening. And she goes, you're a mis, you're a misogynist because, because you were trying to help a woman along with the story, not men. I'm like, bro, I help everyone. That's crazy to call me misogynist for trying to help you.

• 1:48:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:17Sam Morril?

  That's not what misogynists do.

• 1:48:18Speaker 04

  That's not what misogynists do.

• 1:48:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 1:48:22Speaker 04

  You think, you think this is a misogynist?

• 1:48:28Speaker 04

  Anyway, The End is available right now. You can get me and Mark's episode for $5.99.

• 1:48:34Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah. Are you gonna be on the road at all?

• 1:48:38Speaker 04

  I'm at the Netflix Festival May 7th doing The End.

• 1:48:40Mark Normand?

  I'll see you there.

• 1:48:41Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 1:48:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'll be there. Who's on? You got any, can you, any spoilers? Oh.

• 1:48:45Sam Morril?

  I'm doing a show May 7th.

• 1:48:46Speaker 04

  What time?

• 1:48:47Sam Morril?

  9:45.

• 1:48:49Speaker 04

  Where?

• 1:48:50Sam Morril?

  Dynasty, heading to Dynasty.

• 1:48:51Speaker 04

  Your own hour?

• 1:48:52Sam Morril?

  No, it's with a few other people.

• 1:48:53Mark Normand?

  That's a good room.

• 1:48:55Sam Morril?

  Where, where is it?

• 1:48:56Speaker 04

  It's Comedy Store.

• 1:48:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, come on.

• 1:48:57Sam Morril?

  I might have to do an old story, but I'll do an old story.

• 1:48:59Mark Normand?

  Do an old story!

• 1:49:00Speaker 04

  What do you mean? Do you record her?

• 1:49:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 1:49:02Sam Morril?

  Maybe. Fuck, I don't know.

• 1:49:04Speaker 04

  Mark, hey, Sam, do my show.

• 1:49:06Sam Morril?

  Okay, I'll do it. I'll do a story. I got a story for you.

• 1:49:09Mark Normand?

  We got a booking!

• 1:49:10Sam Morril?

  I'll do it. I'm in.

• 1:49:11Mark Normand?

  Let me just be selfish here. Check out Pushing Boulder. It's, I got a barquemenary on, it's, it's me building up to the special. All bombing, green room at the Dallas Improv for 10 sold out shows and I'm working out, working out the new special that you've seen on Netflix. So, there you go.

• 1:49:28Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 1:49:28Mark Normand?

  It's on YouTube. Pushing Boulder.

• 1:49:31Speaker 04

  Yeah. But The End is available right now.

• 1:49:34Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:49:34Speaker 04

  You will have to pay for it. The money is going.

• 1:49:37Sam Morril?

  It's also $6, guys. Come on.

• 1:49:38Speaker 04

  $6.

• 1:49:39Mark Normand?

  All these guys? Look at that.

• 1:49:40Speaker 04

  Okay, Tom Segura, Ned Bargatze, these are the headliners. Ned Bargatze, you're headlining your episode. Mark Norman, Dan Soder, Shane Gillis.

• 1:49:48Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:49:48Speaker 04

  Roy Wood, and then these are the Hall of Famers of the show. Okerson, Siddique, Miss Pat, List, Robbie Kelly.

• 1:49:57Speaker 04

  Boy Body, Boy Body Babe, Boy Face, uh, that's Jordan.

• 1:50:01Sam Morril?

  I'm in for the, I'm in for LA, though.

• 1:50:02Mark Normand?

  All right!

• 1:50:04Speaker 04

  Uh, go to orangechefair.com to get that. And, wait, hold on, I was gonna say something about it.

• 1:50:10Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:50:11Speaker 03

  The money is going?

• 1:50:12Speaker 04

  The money's going to the comedians. Unlike most shows, I've decided to cut the comedians into a profit margin of this show. So if you're like, I don't want Tom Segura to get the money, guys, are you fucking? You can bleep this. I think Tom needs more money. Retarded? Do you think this would allow the money to go to someone else?

• 1:50:35Speaker 04

  The money's going to me and the comedians.

• 1:50:37Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 1:50:38Speaker 04

  Every purchase you make of, of episode five of The End puts $2 in the pocket of Mark Norman.

• 1:50:46Mark Normand?

  So even if you go just to see Shane, I'm still getting a penny.

• 1:50:49Speaker 04

  He's still getting a penny.

• 1:50:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:51Speaker 04

  So you can get all of them, five, wait, seven for the price of five. Or you can go to com right now, or you can get one, individual one for, for five, for six bucks, $5.99. But get them, spread them, it's me taking my show back.

• 1:51:05Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:51:06Speaker 04

  Fucking corporate overlords.

• 1:51:07Mark Normand?

  Have you gotten an influx of money already? Have you seen?

• 1:51:09Speaker 04

  So, I mean, we're two weeks out, but.

• 1:51:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:51:12Speaker 04

  But in the pre-sales alone, we've gotten 70% of the budget back.

• 1:51:17Mark Normand?

  Oh, my lord.

• 1:51:18Speaker 04

  And we were expecting like 10% of that to come back.

• 1:51:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's amazing.

• 1:51:21Sam Morril?

  That's awesome.

• 1:51:22Speaker 04

  It's our fucking world.

• 1:51:25Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:51:25Speaker 04

  They should be honored to work with us.

• 1:51:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you hear that? Amazon Prime?

• 1:51:30Sam Morril?

  It's all up, dude, it's, we gotta do it ourselves.

• 1:51:33Mark Normand?

  We have to.

• 1:51:34Sam Morril?

  Mark and I talked about this today.

• 1:51:35Speaker 04

  This is the people that did it ourselves.

• 1:51:36Sam Morril?

  Mark and I had a lot to talk about this. We, we, this movie thing.

• 1:51:39Speaker 04

  You're making your movies together? This is your second movie you're making alone?

• 1:51:43Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:51:43Speaker 04

  We're doing it ourselves. We're the talent.

• 1:51:46Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 1:51:47Speaker 04

  You think anyone's coming to see the fucking LA Lakers? They're coming to see LeBron.

• 1:51:53Sam Morril?

  I don't know what that had to do with any of this, but I'm with you. Fuck the Lakers.

• 1:51:56Speaker 04

  Fuck the Lakers.

• 1:51:57Mark Normand?

  He needs the Lakers. We don't.

• 1:51:59Sam Morril?

  Let's go Knicks.

• 1:52:01Speaker 04

  No one's going like, I want to see the comedy show tonight. You're coming to see fucking Who's All On? The comedians.

• 1:52:06Sam Morril?

  No, it's not true.

• 1:52:07Speaker 04

  The sellers pay people. They respect us. They can go to drinks.

• 1:52:10Sam Morril?

  I love this.

• 1:52:10Speaker 04

  They know where their money's buttered butter is on. Come on, guys, I'm a little drunk.

• 1:52:16Mark Normand?

  The capybaras.

• 1:52:17Speaker 04

  One more drink, best podcast on the planet.

• 1:52:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:20Speaker 04

  One more drink, hottest new podcast in New York Times.

• 1:52:23Mark Normand?

  Tits, tits.

• 1:52:25Speaker 03

  You guys want some water?

• 1:52:27Speaker 04

  We should before we leave, probably. Get some fucking decrepit fucking Montezuma's revenge water. Let us get all get diarrhea from this.

• 1:52:33Speaker 03

  We also hear about Monte if we want to stay on theme.

• 1:52:35Mark Normand?

  What'd you call me?

• 1:52:36Speaker 04

  Sherba?

• 1:52:37Mark Normand?

  All right, hey, I'll be in Raleigh.

• 1:52:38Speaker 04

  Wait, really?

• 1:52:39Mark Normand?

  Good night, it's almost sold out and LA Comedy Fest, we got Bill Burr on live show, so that'll be fun.

• 1:52:45Speaker 04

  Wow, shit.

• 1:52:46Mark Normand?

  With the Tuesdays.

• 1:52:47Speaker 04

  Oh, wow, that's cool.

• 1:52:48Mark Normand?

  So we'll get yelled at for an hour. And then I'm in Ontario, nouveau Brunswick, Spokane, Washington.

• 1:52:55Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:52:57Mark Normand?

  Philadelphia, that's sold out, and Milwaukee at the Improv, Irvine, California, that's a big room, Tempe, Arizona, Royal Oak, Mish, we had a show, Cleveland at Hilarities, great club, Seattle at Emerald City, never been, checking it out. I'm back in the club, though, I gotta work out the story.

• 1:53:14Speaker 04

  SideSplitters.

• 1:53:14Mark Normand?

  SideSplitters, baby.

• 1:53:16Speaker 04

  Can I tell you a story about SideSplitters?

• 1:53:17Mark Normand?

  Please, and then we'll get the hell out of here. The Hamptons in San Francisco.

• 1:53:20Speaker 04

  Do you guys not like doing content during your plugs, or do you like doing? I don't give a shit. Okay, SideSplitters.

• 1:53:28Mark Normand?

  Tampa.

• 1:53:28Speaker 04

  I was always, I was Tampa, I was always a, for no reason, really, improv guy. The old SideSplitters owners were such a wreck that my agent. Bobby. Was like, don't, we're not doing that. I have great times with Bobby, though.

• 1:53:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:53:40Speaker 04

  And anyway, so then one time I was like, Greg Fitzsimmons was like, I'll be in Tampa. And he goes, oh, SideSplitters? I'm like, no, the improv. He goes, oh, man. I'm like, that's an honest reaction.

• 1:53:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:52Speaker 04

  What do you mean? He goes, no, it's SideSplitters.

• 1:53:56Speaker 04

  I got COVID in between Orlando and Tampa.

• 1:53:58Mark Normand?

  Mm, that's where you get it.

• 1:54:00Speaker 04

  A hundred percent Orlando. Hanging out with Steve Simone, he's in between, so I was like, we'll do two weeks in a row, hang out with him. Got, had to cancel, so I owed him one. And then, my friend, Mark.

• 1:54:12Speaker 03

  Norman?

• 1:54:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:54:14Mark Normand?

  Hey, thank you.

• 1:54:14Speaker 04

  Now that.

• 1:54:17Speaker 04

  Got hitched.

• 1:54:19Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:54:20Speaker 04

  And we're gonna do a fucking bachelor party. And so, we had to have a show pay for the bachelor party. Me, Mark, my friend, it's you, I consider real. Uh, a bunch of comedians.

• 1:54:31Mark Normand?

  List, Bert.

• 1:54:32Speaker 04

  Joe List, Bert Kreischer. These, by the way, I got the Bert's on right now.

• 1:54:37Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 1:54:38Speaker 04

  Favorite show I've ever had, literally, just broke on the fucking cab over here.

• 1:54:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:54:44Speaker 04

  Taking these to twenty countries. Best show I've ever had, just broke, I'm heartbroken.

• 1:54:48Mark Normand?

  That sucks, he can fix them.

• 1:54:49Speaker 04

  And I went to Brian, BT at SideSplitters, and hey, can we do a show? They goes, you can do three shows, you can have a hundred percent out the door, I want you here.

• 1:54:57Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:54:58Speaker 04

  And I went, did the shows, a bunch of N-words are dropped. I had a blast, and I go, I'm done with the improv, I'm a SideSplitters guy forever, so.

• 1:55:09Sam Morril?

  And they were like, we don't want to work with you after all those N-words.

• 1:55:13Speaker 04

  You can see Mark Norman at SideSplitters in

• 1:55:18Speaker 04

  July.

• 1:55:19Mark Normand?

  That was a great weekend, too, that we, we did, we did, we went tuna fishing, we went, remember DeRosa showed, we were at a bar and DeRosa showed up with, out of nowhere with a tray of shots.

• 1:55:29Speaker 04

  First, first, DeRosa was like, I can't come, I was like, what the fuck? He goes, I gotta do reshoots for some fucking YouTube show, some, I was like, and I, and I like, you know when you go too far with somebody? And you're like, but I'm so, I was so angry that he wasn't gonna come to this bachelor party, that I was like, you're a piece of shit, friend. You, you're, you're, you're all in the wrong place, you fucking, meanwhile, he was planning on coming the whole time.

• 1:55:51Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:55:52Speaker 04

  So we went fishing, and then he, he comes out at the bar with a tray full, guys ordered shots?

• 1:55:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:55:58Speaker 04

  And it was him.

• 1:55:59Mark Normand?

  And we're like, that waiter's ugly, oh my god, DeRosa, holy shit.

• 1:56:02Speaker 04

  Why's he got no chin, no will to live?

• 1:56:06Mark Normand?

  And then we did a bunch of, well, he bought a bunch of blow.

• 1:56:09Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:56:09Mark Normand?

  And a guy did it that we didn't know, and he went to the hospital. Good times, yeah.

• 1:56:13Speaker 04

  Cantor brought a friend.

• 1:56:14Mark Normand?

  Cantor brought a friend that no one liked.

• 1:56:16Speaker 04

  At a bachelor party, there's no plus ones at a bachelor party.

• 1:56:20Sam Morril?

  He wasn't plus one.

• 1:56:21Speaker 04

  That's a life story.

• 1:56:23Speaker 04

  He what?

• 1:56:25Mark Normand?

  But yeah, so the guy we didn't like, did too much blow and went to the hospital.

• 1:56:29Speaker 04

  They tested this coke, and it came up with a squiggly line, like maybe or not, and they go, all right, what do you think? I'm like.

• 1:56:37Speaker 04

  Fentanyl. And then they go, we're gonna do it anyway. I still can't get used to the tits. It's pretty hot. It's confusing. Sam, I need you to take me seriously. And if you don't take me seriously, then we have a real problem.

• 1:56:50Speaker 03

  I like that the sunglasses are in the tits, not in the shirt. That's what I like.

• 1:56:54Speaker 04

  Oh, I didn't even notice that, yeah. Look at that. Tampa, Florida. Mark Norma, check him out at, Mark Norm, PunchUp.com slash Mark. Hell, yeah.

• 1:57:04Sam Morril?

  Some bodega cat whiskey.

• 1:57:06Speaker 04

  Give it some bodega whiskey, my favorite whiskey in the world. I'm actually bringing this bottle. Do you have an extra bottle?

• 1:57:10Sam Morril?

  Take it, dude, take it.

• 1:57:11Speaker 04

  We'll give you a bottle. Nashville, Tennessee, Zany's, one of the greatest clubs in the country. Pittsburgh, PA, Regina, Saskatoon, nice. Calgary, the last stop, wrong club. Minneapolis, Minnesota, Acme, Denver, the Comedy Works, legitimately the best. Look at this club. Every time Joe Rogan goes, hey, the comedy, comedy mothership is the best club, I'm like, no. I mean, dude, to his face, I'll go, it's, it's the Comedy Works. Denver, baby.

• 1:57:36Sam Morril?

  He loves it too, though. He does it especially there.

• 1:57:38Speaker 04

  Fair point. Comedy all state. Mass, Wisconsin, Charleston, South Carolina, Port Laro, against Austin, Texas.

• 1:57:43Sam Morril?

  All right, we got it, we got it. We're not even the summary yet, all right. We love you guys. Thank you so much. We'll see you next week.

• 1:57:49Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah. Guys, fucking fun. So fun.

• 1:58:38Speaker 04

  Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' health care to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee.