Alex English & Jared Freid w/ Sam Morril & Mark Normand - We Might Be Drunk Podcast

Alex English and Jared Freid join Mark and Sam to talk about Alex’s time at SNL, Jared’s new Netflix special, disastrous drunken comedy sets, hair transplants, GLP-1s, WikiFeet, moving to Florida, and witnessing the Malice at the Palace. Plus, Alex opens up about growing up gay in Detroit, moving to New York, coming out, and finding his voice in comedy. Sponsored by: Get 20% off your first Willie’s orderhttps://www.drinkwillies.com — code WMBD Get 60% off your first Smalls order, plus free shipping and free treats for lifehttps://www.smalls.com/drunk Get personalized treatment options from Himshttps://www.hims.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #AlexEnglish #JaredFreid #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Hey, hey, we might be drunk. We got Big Al English here.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Big. That's nice. What's up?

• 0:11Sam Morril?

  How you been, dude?

• 0:12Mark Normand?

  White pants, bad for spotting. Come on.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  I've been coming to The Cellar in all-white outfits lately, and Liz has been like...

• 0:20Sam Morril?

  Leftover from the Diddy party?

• 0:21Speaker 01

  She's exactly what you said. What the fuck is this?

• 0:24Mark Normand?

  Poor Kanye.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Listen to it, yeah. What's up?

• 0:27Mark Normand?

  Hey, you look good.

• 0:28Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 0:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we've been wanting to have you on. You're the last guy who drinks in this town.

• 0:32Speaker 01

  Am I really?

• 0:33Mark Normand?

  Well, it feels like it.

• 0:35Sam Morril?

  Sometimes a little too much. You get sloppy sometimes.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  I will say Sam has seen me at my worst.

• 0:42Sam Morril?

  But you're a funny sloppy drunk.

• 0:44Mark Normand?

  Well, what was the next morning like?

• 0:46Sam Morril?

  He paid for breakfast.

• 0:48Mark Normand?

  Hey, alright, alright.

• 0:49Sam Morril?

  Not bad.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  Well, I have Sam as long as... I remember we did this outdoor show, remember? I feel like I told you this before.

• 0:58Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  It was during the pandemic. We were doing some outdoor show in, like, Greenpoint. And at the time, I had been hooking up with this dude. And he had mentioned... We were talking about you. I think he was like a fan of, like, seeing you, had seen your stuff. And so, we'd hooked up maybe like twice. So, the guy that I was hooking up with ended up at the show in the audience outdoors when me, that me and Sam were both on. And when I left, he... The guy I was hooking up with DM'd me and was like... My friend that came with me, another gay guy, he was like, "Sam Morril would totally suck his dick."

• 1:31Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 1:33Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:34Mark Normand?

  Alright, that's nice. You're flattering.

• 1:36Sam Morril?

  You can slow down with the lady.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  You got one.

• 1:41Sam Morril?

  I got one.

• 1:41Mark Normand?

  You got one. I get some gay DMs.

• 1:44Sam Morril?

  Do you?

• 1:45Mark Normand?

  I get a lot of dicks thrown at me.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Do you get pictures, think?

• 1:48Mark Normand?

  I do.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  I hate when straight dudes get hard, because I don't really be ever getting this.

• 1:52Mark Normand?

  Really? I'll forward them to you, because I don't need them. But they're always better than my dick, which is always a bummer.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  Well, you know.

• 1:59Sam Morril?

  It's like coming home with, like, French money or something.

• 2:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:03Sam Morril?

  I could get... I don't know what I'm gonna do with this.

• 2:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I can't do anything with this. It's pesos.

• 2:07Speaker 01

  I don't know. I mean, I have recently been trying to put myself in, like, the Mateo Lane.

• 2:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 2:14Speaker 01

  Because what a sex symbol, you know?

• 2:16Mark Normand?

  Pull up some pics.

• 2:17Speaker 01

  I just, you know...

• 2:18Mark Normand?

  He's too hot. It's throwing me off.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  And I can only imagine what Mateo's DMs look like. I'm sure they're incredible.

• 2:23Mark Normand?

  I went in there once.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  And I... Yeah, yeah. It's just like, it's... I want that type of...

• 2:29Sam Morril?

  That here's your future, Mark. That's you, buddy.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  I can't believe... I can't help but look at you and just be like, "What is underneath there?"

• 2:37Mark Normand?

  I'll show you off camera. It's bad. It looks like your ass after a long night. It's all mangled and wet and shiny. Look at this son of a bitch.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  That's what I'm talking about. Like, I need to take more pictures like that, because I'm in the gym. I'm not like, I'm not on Mateo's level whatsoever. But every now and again, I'll hop on the stories and, you know, put the picture out with the shirt list and, like, you know, the link to the show.

• 3:00Sam Morril?

  And do you get a lot of DMs from there?

• 3:02Speaker 01

  No, I still don't really have a lot of, like, I don't even have, like, a lot of, like, gay dudes that come to my shows like that.

• 3:06Mark Normand?

  What?

• 3:07Sam Morril?

  What's your audience?

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Y'all.

• 3:11Mark Normand?

  I'm a big fan. I love your stuff.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  I get a lot of white guys, and I love it. Or I'll get... I've gotten this recently. I'll get, like, a straight table with straight dudes and then one gay guy.

• 3:22Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  And that's always...

• 3:24Sam Morril?

  He brought them all?

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Well, I asked. They'll be like, "Yeah, he saw you on a podcast. He's like, 'You gotta come see this guy.'"

• 3:29Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  But that's... I like, I appreciate that, too, because that kind of mirrors my life. Anyway, I'm sitting with y'all.

• 3:36Mark Normand?

  As a straight guy, I watch your act, and it doesn't feel like, like, "Oh, he's a gay comic." It's just good jokes.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 3:42Mark Normand?

  And that's why I like it.

• 3:43Speaker 01

  Thank you. See, I never... We never talk.

• 3:46Sam Morril?

  Shots fired at other gay comics listening.

• 3:48Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm just saying.

• 3:49Sam Morril?

  You gay comics.

• 3:50Mark Normand?

  Every comic, like, the fat guy is like, "I'm a fat guy. Look how fat I am." If it's your whole thing, then I get bored.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Well, you know, well, see, that's the thing. Here's why I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I'm here to share this with you guys. I think we always just joke around when we see each other.

• 4:05Mark Normand?

  Wait a minute. Let me take my prep.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  This episode is going on OnlyFans.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  You know, because I came around in 2012, right? So, I like, I showed up in New York when, like, y'all were like, I kind of called y'all all, like, the white boys. Y'all were like, y'all were like the white boys running around New York.

• 4:26Sam Morril?

  Tell you to call us The Cellar Whites.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  Y'all were, y'all were. It was like YouTube list.

• 4:31Sam Morril?

  It was like, you mean list, yeah.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  YouTube list, uh...

• 4:33Mark Normand?

  Soder.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, Mike Lawrence. Like, all of y'all were kind of like popping off and, like, you know, showing up on YouTube everywhere when I'm still, like, looking for stage time somewhere.

• 4:42Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  So, y'all would walk into, like, even like, you know, like, Che is another white boy, you know what I mean?

• 4:48Mark Normand?

  I get it.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Y'all existed and kind of came up in that same time when I was just getting started. So, I would do, or just go to or hang out at bar shows, and then here y'all come, y'all walking in, not even booked. And then you'd be like, "Oh, Norman wants to do, like, five real quick." Or even the open mics. You would sometimes pop up at mics.

• 5:07Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  And we'd be like, "Oh, okay, I guess I'm getting bumped at the fucking open mic now. I can't win with this motherfucker in town."

• 5:13Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  But it was cool to see y'all, you know, kind of, even like Kevin Barnett and Jermaine. Like, all of y'all were, like, running around. And I was just like, if I can at least get to the level where, at that time, I was like, if I can at least get to the level where I can walk into a random show and they be like, "Alex is here," then I feel like it's getting...

• 5:30Sam Morril?

  You'll get there someday, bro.

• 5:32Mark Normand?

  But hey, you got to SNL, baby.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:35Mark Normand?

  That was a big accomplishment.

• 5:38Speaker 01

  It was cool. I, you know, it happened really at the craziest time, because I had also got passed at The Cellar like a month or two before then.

• 5:46Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  So, I was like geeked about that.

• 5:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  And I was cool with letting that be like, "Alright, this is my year. I'm at The Cellar every night, whatever." And then SNL showed up, and I was just like, "I guess, I guess I'm just..."

• 5:59Sam Morril?

  What was the process for getting hired for that?

• 6:01Speaker 01

  So, it took me, uh, I had, uh, back, like, the year, 2019, I had submitted my very first packet, and I got, like, no response. Then the second year, it wasn't through, it was like, I had gotten agents by, like, 2020. So, then I got, like, a direct link to get them, to get them to look at the packet. So, I just kept doing it. I just kept doing the packet. I was like, "Whatever. If they keep asking me, obviously, that just means that I'm still sort of somewhere in their mind."

• 6:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  So, during the pandemic season, uh, I had gotten to, like, the Zoom audition, because it was pandemic. So, Zoom audition with, like, the producers. And it was cool, but they only hired, like, one person, like, out of that. So, the third time I did it, and I also, like, auditioned.

• 6:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  So, I auditioned and submitted the packet, and they were like, "We want to bring you on as a ride." So, it was cool. But then three years later...

• 6:50Sam Morril?

  Did you audition stand-up, or were you auditioning what?

• 6:52Speaker 01

  I tried to do some sort of characters. And it just, I was like, "You should have just done stand-up."

• 6:58Sam Morril?

  Really? What, do you remember a character that went?

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Shaquille O'Neal.

• 7:03Sam Morril?

  You don't have the right build.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we gotta hear it.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  They make soups. They make... They can jack you up your nest. They can do anything there, yeah.

• 7:10Mark Normand?

  What did he sound like?

• 7:17Speaker 01

  It's good to be home.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  It's truly the same as just like my straight guy voice.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  It's true to be, it's good to be here, or we might be drunk.

• 7:29Mark Normand?

  Hey, that's great.

• 7:30Speaker 01

  Every, like, last word has to sort of stop before it ends.

• 7:33Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  He doesn't really fully pronounce the very last word he says, is what I noticed. But they were like, "Keenan already does this. Just go right." We don't need that. So, I spent three years doing that, when it kind of pulled me out of The Cellar in a way that I'm looking now, that everybody at SNL is actually going up. I'm like, "Damn, I really could, I didn't do that right." I could have still, like, committed myself to doing stand-up a little more than I did. I just felt a little pressure to, like, be present in that building and just, like, learn it. So much that it kind of took me away from stand-up and developing my act. So, by the time we would be on hiatuses, I'd be like, "Damn, what are my jokes?" I'd be forgetting my sets and shit. I'm like, "Damn, I'm fucking up."

• 8:10Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  So, you know, fast forward three years later, I get, you know, I get the, you know, "Nice knowing you." And I get up out of there, and literally the day...

• 8:19Sam Morril?

  How did they fire you?

• 8:21Speaker 01

  Well, they don't really say anything directly to you. Like, they call your reps, and then your reps call you. And they're like, "Ah." And I tell you exactly where I was. I was walking down 7th Avenue South for some reason. I was like near, I was like in the West Village area. And my manager calls me. He's like, "They didn't renew your contract." I was like, "Alright, yeah." So, I just kind of just walked all the way back to my apartment to Lower East Side where I was living. And then was just like, "Alright, what are we gonna do?" And the first thing I did that the night of was just go to The Cellar. And I saw, it was a Friday, too.

• 8:50Sam Morril?

  You worked out that Shaq impression. I'm working into the act.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  I did it for Esti, yeah. But I came, I came, I sat next to her, I was just like, got the boot, no longer, no longer, no longer, and she was just like, well, you're back home. I'm like, yes, exactly, exactly. I was like, this is what I should have just been. So it was the first place I went back to, and ever since then, it's just been like, oh, it's been so nice to just go and be at the club, do your thing, go home.

• 9:17Mark Normand?

  It's kinda like being married to a supermodel. You know it's not gonna last, but you gotta do it just to do it, and then when she divorces you, you're like, well, this is about right.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  And it really is a time, it sucks up time, like, it really, because I was in a relationship throughout like, the, like, the last, like, half, like, the last, like, season that I was there, I was in a relationship, and I remember my ex being like, you were getting ready to get dumped a few times while you were working there. So he was sort of like relieved that I had even got fired, because he was like, it was tough dating you while you were there. I was going through it, but.

• 9:50Sam Morril?

  It is tough doing this when whoever you're dating is kind of rooting against career stuff.

• 9:54Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 9:55Sam Morril?

  Because I'm seeing a woman now, and I was like, ah, this movie might get pushed back, and she like turned and smiled, I was like, don't fucking do that.

• 10:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 10:02Sam Morril?

  Don't root against me.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  I got him back.

• 10:03Sam Morril?

  She knew, she knew I'd have more time in the city after this, these tour days, and I was like, you can't, you can't root against me.

• 10:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:10Sam Morril?

  Well, she's like, you're right, you're right.

• 10:11Speaker 01

  Relationship in like, any like, stand-up, or just like, even that job, is like, it really is a challenge, because the job really, so, because especially if you like, live with someone, and like, my ex like, had a job that was like, you know, eight to six, nine to five, you know, so, it, you know, we were living together, and at one point, it was like, you know, I'm coming in at whatever time, from the cellar, whatever, and waking him up, the dog's barking, and he's like, I can't, I sleep, but, I'm like, ah, this, this, this might not work, based on what I do, and it's always like, I really don't love being text, this is what I learned about myself in my last relationship, I don't love being told, or being asked, what time are you coming back?

• 10:54Mark Normand?

  I hate, I'm with you.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  Excuse me?

• 10:55Mark Normand?

  I'm with you. I'm a lone wolf, baby. Get off my ass.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  And I get it, that's like communicating with your partner, you know, but, I'm like, uh.

• 11:04Sam Morril?

  I'm drunk at a bar.

• 11:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 11:06Sam Morril?

  I get it, though.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  I don't know when I'm coming back.

• 11:09Sam Morril?

  What's the other part? Is there such a selfishness to doing what we do, where like, sometimes I wanna wander, sometimes I wanna take a stroll and just zap out, you know, but.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  But I think if you're a gay comic, you kinda got it better, because, you know, it should be better at least, not every gay guy's the same, but like, most of gay guys, especially ones that aren't couples that I know, are like, yeah, I just let him do whatever, and he'll probably be back.

• 11:29Mark Normand?

  That's heaven.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  But that's usually like, open relationships, you know, which I think that might be my next pathway.

• 11:35Sam Morril?

  I don't know, dude.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  You don't see it from me?

• 11:38Sam Morril?

  I just don't know if it's sustainable.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Sustainable?

• 11:40Sam Morril?

  I mean.

• 11:41Mark Normand?

  Ah, my favorite gay guy, I think it's a little easier.

• 11:43Sam Morril?

  Maybe.

• 11:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, I don't just, I just don't think there's ever a world or a moment in my life where I don't wanna fuck some new dude. I don't know, it's just, I just love, like, I was at a club a couple of.

• 11:54Mark Normand?

  I mean, what?

• 11:57Sam Morril?

  It's that new medication I'm on.

• 11:58Mark Normand?

  Sorry, sorry.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  I was at a club.

• 12:01Sam Morril?

  Although Mark does look like a gay guy in the eighties right now.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  Right now, yeah.

• 12:04Mark Normand?

  Bruising, bruising.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  With your Artie Fuqua shirt on, yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  I, I was at a club a couple of weeks.

• 12:12Mark Normand?

  Walmart paid for this. Sorry, sorry.

• 12:14Speaker 01

  No, I was at the, I was at the, uh, at this gay club a couple of weeks ago, and literally, I think, did someone introduce the two of us? There was just some guy, oh my god, you do look exactly like that. In fact, it was so wide around the side of your head, that I was like, what, is this like a toy?

• 12:34Mark Normand?

  I can't touch, besides, I look like Lord Helmet in Spaceballs.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  So you gotta sleep like this, right?

• 12:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, I'm like a vampire.

• 12:40Speaker 01

  Corp style.

• 12:41Mark Normand?

  Corp, full on.

• 12:43Speaker 01

  But no, I, I went to a club a couple of weeks ago, and I said hello, truly said hello to this dude, he said hello back, and after that, we just married off.

• 12:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, this is what I'm talking about.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  I haven't had that happen in such a long time, where that's the, you haven't said, it's a handshake, it's the gay handshake.

• 13:01Sam Morril?

  Gay dudes, gay dudes as adults live like, like, high schoolers at house parties.

• 13:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but even easier than that.

• 13:07Sam Morril?

  You can just cook.

• 13:08Speaker 01

  Well, they also call that the Arrested Development, and, like, Peter Pan Syndrome, which I think, you know, gay men do suffer from that, especially if you're like, older, like, all these elder, like, gay guys, who didn't really get to like, be gay for real, then that's where, you know, a lot of them might to like, hook up with twenty-year-olds, and when they're like, in their sixties and shit, and it's just like, well, yeah, man, y'all didn't let them be twenty gay guys when they were like, but then there's some gay guys, you know, who like, yeah, I've been doing this, I've been sucking dicks since nineteen seventy, whatever, and we love Rick Chrome.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  Have y'all seen his documentary?

• 13:43Mark Normand?

  No.

• 13:44Speaker 01

  He has a documentary that I came across on YouTube a few months ago, um, and it basically is also telling like, the beginning of The Cellar in a way that I didn't even know about.

• 13:54Sam Morril?

  I've heard it's a good doc.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  And there's a lot of, there's a lot of like, cameos, and a lot of like, cool people show up in it, and I'm like, oh shit, Rick really like, started this shit, in a way that I had.

• 14:03Mark Normand?

  We gotta just show, Rick's a comic at The Cellar.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  It's called Old Rick, like, Old Rick. I mentioned to him when I saw him not too long ago, I was like, this documentary rocks, somebody like, should like, buy this.

• 14:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, I'll watch that.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  It's really good, yeah, Burr shows up in it and everything, I was very taken by it.

• 14:16Mark Normand?

  Wow, okay.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:18Mark Normand?

  How the hell did you find this?

• 14:19Speaker 01

  I was, you know, when you, I mean, I don't know what y'all's algorithm on YouTube look like, but there's a lot of comedy and like, Real Housewives shit on mine, basically.

• 14:26Sam Morril?

  Holy shit, that's Young Rick?

• 14:28Mark Normand?

  No, that might be a host.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  That might be somebody, but there he is, yeah, and like, he used to, basically, just like, when The Cellar first started, he was out here just like, on the keys, doing, doing big bits, and warming the audience up and having body up. It's a really good documentary, I've truly recommend it to everybody who's curious about the origins of New York standards.

• 14:45Speaker 03

  Alex, going backwards, are you a Gold Star gay?

• 14:48Speaker 01

  Gold, remind me, Gold Star is that I've never been with a woman before. No, I'm not, actually, I can tell you on hand, I've, I've eaten five vaginas in my life.

• 14:56Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 14:58Sam Morril?

  Pretty good.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  Only inserted my penis inside of two.

• 15:01Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  So two out of the five.

• 15:02Sam Morril?

  Your numbers are out of whack, but sure, yeah.

• 15:05Speaker 03

  And that wasn't for you?

• 15:06Speaker 01

  Huh?

• 15:06Speaker 03

  That wasn't for you?

• 15:07Speaker 01

  What wasn't for me?

• 15:08Speaker 03

  Any of that stuff?

• 15:08Speaker 01

  Nah.

• 15:10Sam Morril?

  I mean, you kept going back.

• 15:11Speaker 01

  I kept going back, see, and this is my theory.

• 15:13Mark Normand?

  Five.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  This is my theory.

• 15:14Mark Normand?

  Judy Gold.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  This, my theory is that, uh, well, I question maybe, am I gay, or had I, have I just not had the right pussy? Or all of it just bad?

• 15:27Sam Morril?

  A quick intro for a great scene.

• 15:30Mark Normand?

  Hey, what's shaking?

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Yo, what up?

• 15:32Speaker 03

  Speaking of pussy.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  The people watching and listening are like, thank god, it was getting real gay up in here.

• 15:38Mark Normand?

  That was hard. Well, look at the pants.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 15:40Mark Normand?

  White pants, baby.

• 15:41Sam Morril?

  Wow, look at that, before Labor Day, yeah.

• 15:43Mark Normand?

  Well, let me just give you a heads up, I got the, I got the hair surgery.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:47Speaker 04

  Really?

• 15:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  That was, you were never a not hair guy to me.

• 15:52Mark Normand?

  Huh?

• 15:53Speaker 04

  You weren't, like, I wouldn't think of you as being.

• 15:55Mark Normand?

  I'm getting ahead of it, getting ahead of it.

• 15:58Speaker 04

  Is this like a Hollywood thing? Is this like a camera thing?

• 16:02Mark Normand?

  I guess a career thing, I didn't wanna be bald, I looked, I'd look dumb bald.

• 16:05Sam Morril?

  The curly hair bald can be tough.

• 16:07Mark Normand?

  Curly hair is bad as bald.

• 16:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's, well, then you gotta go full Larry David, you gotta like, do an homage.

• 16:12Mark Normand?

  Exactly, exactly, see, you got a great head of lettuce.

• 16:15Speaker 04

  Hair is, you know, that's something that I got lucky with, that is.

• 16:19Sam Morril?

  What's the body hair situation like?

• 16:21Speaker 04

  I have the shape of a phoenix rising on my chest, uh, I go for back wax.

• 16:28Mark Normand?

  Whoa, monthly.

• 16:30Speaker 04

  Monthly back wax, I.

• 16:31Sam Morril?

  All right, so the podcast is still pretty good.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  No, I, I, it's funny you say that.

• 16:37Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 16:38Speaker 01

  I was, I have like, a burner account on Twitter, because.

• 16:41Speaker 04

  Why would you do that?

• 16:42Speaker 01

  Well, because my old Twitter, my old Twitter account got hacked by like, some Japanese company, so, and it was around, it was right around when Elon bought it, so I just like, tried to email the people to get it back, and nobody got back to me.

• 16:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, none of these companies have customer service.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  I was just like, I want my account back, but then I was just like, fuck it, it's probably best that I don't have it anymore, but I still was like, kinda itching, like, I kinda need my Twitter a little bit, so I opened up, you know, a new account, and today, I scrolled on to a Twitter account that this guy does back waxing, and also ass, like, beat, like, uh, Brazilian on men.

• 17:16Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 17:17Speaker 01

  So he's waxing men's butts, but after, he's, after he's done, he eats the butt.

• 17:22Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 17:24Sam Morril?

  Full service.

• 17:25Speaker 01

  I couldn't, I couldn't tell you what the name of it is, I don't know.

• 17:28Mark Normand?

  The ending.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  But it just showed up on my morning.

• 17:31Sam Morril?

  Alex, you stop it before the end.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  It, it, it showed up on my morning, you know, porn scroll.

• 17:36Speaker 04

  I'm just imagining someone coming in there and just being like, okay, I gotta get moving real quick, forget about the wax.

• 17:42Mark Normand?

  How about the guy who's like, I found a hair in my food?

• 17:45Speaker 01

  That means he didn't do his job.

• 17:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 17:47Speaker 04

  So does that count as like, not being a hooker? Like, is that not sex work, if you're like, I'm doing something else?

• 17:54Sam Morril?

  No, it's sex work, for sure.

• 17:55Speaker 01

  I think it's like his OnlyFans thing, but he like.

• 17:57Speaker 04

  Would Jed York be able to do that?

• 17:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, I don't know.

• 18:00Mark Normand?

  Wow, won't even let us open it up. Alex, your site is too fucked up.

• 18:03Speaker 04

  That's your phone number, oh, it's over.

• 18:05Sam Morril?

  So you guys think catch what Jared just mentioned is the, is the Forty Niners owner, right?

• 18:08Speaker 04

  Yeah. Forty Niners owner went to a trailer, it was, well, he got caught in a sting. He literally went online to go get a blowjob from someone, and they were like, come to this trailer park, a hundred and sixty dollars.

• 18:20Mark Normand?

  That's a steal.

• 18:21Speaker 04

  He, right.

• 18:22Sam Morril?

  But that should be your first sign.

• 18:25Sam Morril?

  Pussy should not cost a hundred and sixty dollars.

• 18:27Mark Normand?

  But it's a trailer park.

• 18:28Speaker 04

  But it wasn't pussy.

• 18:29Sam Morril?

  What was it?

• 18:30Speaker 04

  Mouth.

• 18:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. Oh, guy blowjob.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  I wonder what's the, what's the going rate, what's the going rate for like, you know, an entry-level sex worker these days?

• 18:39Mark Normand?

  Sixty-eight dollars.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  Free falafel at the cellar.

• 18:46Speaker 04

  The Jed York thing is like, it's pretty wild. Like, it's just like, why do you? You need this? Is this the kink?

• 18:53Mark Normand?

  I think that's the kink.

• 18:54Speaker 04

  Being able to do this?

• 18:55Sam Morril?

  Well, he's super rich, so maybe he likes trailer park chicks. I don't know.

• 18:58Mark Normand?

  It's like Cosby. He could get laid. It's the kink is the, the passing out.

• 19:02Speaker 04

  That's the...

• 19:03Speaker 01

  I don't know if he could.

• 19:04Sam Morril?

  I don't know if we can call that a kink either.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Have you seen Cosby? I'm like, huh?

• 19:08Sam Morril?

  Speed is a kink. Drugging women can't be a kink, Mark.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  You said, you said he could get laid. I get it.

• 19:13Speaker 04

  It's a crime that is something you, you're after something.

• 19:16Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. There's a, there's a twist.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  I'm just like, I get what you're saying, Mark. He could, Cosby could fuck because he's on TV, but look at him.

• 19:24Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Even back then, I'm like, he needs to drug women, nigga.

• 19:29Mark Normand?

  No. Come on. I would have blown Cosby.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Oh, young Cosby?

• 19:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  Cuxible Cosby?

• 19:34Mark Normand?

  I spy.

• 19:35Speaker 01

  Even Blind Cosby? You fucking Blind Cosby too?

• 19:37Mark Normand?

  You're not, you're not... Pretend it's Dela Reese.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  You're not licking his butt after a, after a, after a waxing?

• 19:44Speaker 01

  After, oh, that, that butt? Imagine what that hole looked like.

• 19:47Mark Normand?

  That's a lot of Jell-O pudding.

• 19:50Mark Normand?

  He's got a full sweater back there.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Like the back of Mark's head.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  I still can't believe you got the hair transplant.

• 19:56Mark Normand?

  I just got it over with.

• 19:57Speaker 04

  Did you do an American one or go to Turkey?

• 19:59Mark Normand?

  I did it here. I did Mateo.

• 20:01Speaker 04

  You fucked Mateo?

• 20:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Wax his ass in the Navy.

• 20:04Sam Morril?

  So you get, so you get on the list, dude.

• 20:05Speaker 04

  Wow, that's a new one.

• 20:07Mark Normand?

  Soder, Mateo, Hamilton, same guy.

• 20:08Speaker 04

  Same guy.

• 20:09Sam Morril?

  Two-year waiting list.

• 20:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's good.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  Mark is nine months away from having an Eliza Minnelli impersonation.

• 20:16Mark Normand?

  I'm the only pussy who's still working. All these guys took a month off.

• 20:19Speaker 04

  They took a month off?

• 20:20Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 20:21Speaker 04

  So you're going on the road with, let me see.

• 20:23Mark Normand?

  Ah, I'll show you later. It's, it's gonna...

• 20:25Speaker 04

  Cause even the way you're wearing the hat, I know, it's like a...

• 20:29Mark Normand?

  Obvious.

• 20:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:30Mark Normand?

  The hat has to be out on the sides and up.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  Well, it wouldn't be obvious. If you didn't say anything, I wouldn't have said, I wouldn't have noticed.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Never really wear hats.

• 20:36Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 20:37Speaker 01

  Cause I'm not, you walked in, I was like, what you doing with a hat on?

• 20:39Speaker 04

  I thought you were someone else when I first walked in.

• 20:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, weird. I will be soon.

• 20:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, you said...

• 20:45Sam Morril?

  Well, you, it's rare to see the shaved like that around the head.

• 20:47Mark Normand?

  And I got a bad mole back there.

• 20:49Speaker 04

  A good, a good friend of mine went to Turkey and did it, and he was like, they only knock you out, like a, like numb your head?

• 20:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:55Speaker 04

  While they're, and he said these two nurses were just like smoking cigarettes above him while doing this. And he said the funniest part was that when you get to Turkey, it's all these like cocky dudes. Like, it's a full flight of men who are like, I'm about to get my groove back.

• 21:11Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  And he said on the way out, they have all lost all confidence. They just hold their hair wrapped.

• 21:16Mark Normand?

  And they're swollen.

• 21:17Speaker 01

  They are sitting, they can't, they can't rest up. They just like, they sit a certain way here, all bandaged up. I love those pictures of those guys on the, on the flight from back home.

• 21:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  With the bandages, collective bandages, all just like in economy.

• 21:29Speaker 04

  Different mood on that flight.

• 21:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God. Give it a few days, fellas.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:35Speaker 04

  Well, good for you. That's great.

• 21:36Mark Normand?

  Hey, thanks, thanks.

• 21:37Speaker 04

  I, that's, it's just surprise. I never thought, that, that's the thing. You think of certain people as hair people.

• 21:42Mark Normand?

  That's the ultimate compliment. It's like, I didn't even know you needed it. I actually used some of your back hair.

• 21:46Speaker 04

  Right.

• 21:46Mark Normand?

  To put in.

• 21:47Speaker 04

  And they say the best time to get plastic surgery is before you need it.

• 21:51Mark Normand?

  That's what they told me.

• 21:52Speaker 04

  That's like the, you know, that's like the Reese Witherspoon of it all. Like, how do you look good as you age? How do you age well? You do little by little. You don't wanna be caught at the end. You know, it's like, you don't wanna go do your act, you know, oh, we're gonna tape the special. I got a week to work on.

• 22:07Mark Normand?

  Right. Get ahead of it.

• 22:09Speaker 04

  Bad special.

• 22:09Mark Normand?

  Like, Sally Kugel's is fucked.

• 22:12Sam Morril?

  Would you guys, would you guys ever do any cosmetic stuff?

• 22:15Speaker 01

  I need to. I, I need, I need to, I need to take a little trip, my damn self.

• 22:19Speaker 04

  You're okay. You're okay.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  That's cause I buzz it, so that they kinda just like, they're all up here. I need a little, you know, I need a little touch up in the front.

• 22:26Mark Normand?

  A little LeBron James.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, I need, it's, it's getting there. It's getting there. People, that's why I like, I'll, I'll do like a taping for something and I'll be like, do not turn your back at any moment to the audience. Trying to do, it's just so like, ugh. But I, I also don't. I tried to go bald during the pandemic once, and I didn't hate it, but I was just like, mm-mm.

• 22:45Mark Normand?

  It changes a lot.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:47Mark Normand?

  It's weird how much that...

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Also, I'm just not ready to be like a gay black dude that's bald with a beard. Then you really just like, gay unk. Like, you're just real true unk in a shoe.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  That's the old, old gay look?

• 22:57Speaker 01

  I truly looked like, I looked bald, I looked like every older gay guy that used to hit on me when I was like 20.

• 23:03Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  I was like, I don't wanna be him yet.

• 23:06Sam Morril?

  Life comes to you fast.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  It does, yeah. It does.

• 23:09Speaker 04

  I, I'm on a GLP-1, which is like, that's the same, to me, that comes from the same place.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 23:14Speaker 04

  A little bit, but then when I got on the GLP-1, I was like, it's, it's changed what I think of it. Like, it's not a, I don't think of it as a weight loss drug as much as like a ADD medication.

• 23:23Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 23:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, I, I, like, cause I'm realizing that my issues with food was like brain stuff.

• 23:29Mark Normand?

  Uh-huh.

• 23:29Speaker 04

  And when you take the GLP-1, like, the idea that I'm like injecting and then all the fat is melting off my, that's not what's happening.

• 23:34Mark Normand?

  No.

• 23:35Speaker 04

  I'm eating in a way that feels human now.

• 23:38Mark Normand?

  Got it.

• 23:39Sam Morril?

  I understand. Oh, your, your drunk order might be the craziest. Like, it was like three bagel sandwiches or something? It was something crazy.

• 23:46Speaker 04

  We read it here. You know, last time I came on, I brought like 30 recommendations.

• 23:51Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 23:52Speaker 04

  And then I got, you know, I kept reading the comments. People were like, we, we get it. You eat a lot.

• 23:58Sam Morril?

  So you doubted back big time.

• 24:00Speaker 04

  I haven't drank in more than a year.

• 24:02Mark Normand?

  What?

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Really?

• 24:03Sam Morril?

  You were like the drinking.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  You're right. I'm the last person that drinks in this city.

• 24:06Speaker 04

  You're the last person. Are you guys drinking?

• 24:08Mark Normand?

  I still drink.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  I, I, I took a month off and then just kept it going. And like, I...

• 24:14Sam Morril?

  And you feel good.

• 24:15Speaker 04

  I felt, here's the thing. It's like, the sleep is better. It's all the old guy shit.

• 24:19Mark Normand?

  That's true. It's true.

• 24:20Speaker 04

  Sleep is better. I, I feel better. I, I don't have anxiety as much. And then like, I was like, do I need this in my life? And then, you know, food tastes better. I'm going out to dinners and feeling good about it.

• 24:31Mark Normand?

  How did you kick it ultimately?

• 24:33Speaker 04

  The month. It was, I wanted to see if I could do a month. I think once you get to the end of the month, and then I was at a wedding and I'm with all my buddies from college.

• 24:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, wedding is tough.

• 24:41Speaker 04

  Wedding, I was like, I'll do it. The, the goal was get to the wedding just to make sure I could do it.

• 24:46Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 24:47Speaker 04

  And then when I was like, okay, this feels like I, I might, I feel good about this. I could do it. And then I was like, do I wanna keep it going? Like, is this, is this necessary for me? Do I feel good enough without it? And I gotta say, non-outs, one non-out gets me there. The feeling of like having the beer. And I, I just haven't, and I remember my dad, it started because my dad and I played golf and he goes, what would make you feel better if you did it for a month? And I was like, okay, Danny Tanner.

• 25:16Speaker 04

  And I was like, I could probably go off a month off of drinking. And I was like, but I'm going to Rochester and I gotta drink in Rochester.

• 25:21Mark Normand?

  You gotta.

• 25:22Speaker 04

  And then I was like, I'm going to Nashville at the end of the month. I was like, that's a fun place. I can't not drink in Nashville.

• 25:26Speaker 01

  That's the thing is like... Fucking walking fish tank.

• 25:28Sam Morril?

  There's a reason to drink everywhere.

• 25:29Speaker 04

  Right.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:30Sam Morril?

  Like, Ann Arbor. I gotta drink in Ann Arbor.

• 25:33Mark Normand?

  It's either good or bad once a drink.

• 25:35Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  Quite literally a college town. Like, yeah, I'm gonna drink.

• 25:38Speaker 04

  And that's the point where you go, well, if I can't not do it there, and though, if every scenario needs drinking, then I have to be able to not drink in every scenario.

• 25:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:46Speaker 04

  So then I just took the, and then I'll never get my dad, like, a month after I got, a month after that whole thing. He's like, are you still not drinking? I go, yeah. He goes, I thought I was gonna kill two birds with one stone. I, I thought, you know, I got you to stop drinking, but you hadn't, you haven't lost any weight.

• 26:03Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 26:05Sam Morril?

  What replaced the alcohol?

• 26:06Speaker 04

  Oh, food. Food is, you go out for great.

• 26:09Sam Morril?

  Even with the GLP-1?

• 26:10Speaker 04

  I'm still enjoying food. The, the GLP-1, you don't enjoy food thing, overrated. Like, I, I just eat less.

• 26:16Sam Morril?

  But the portions are smaller.

• 26:17Speaker 04

  Portions are smaller. You just, the extracurricular eating is taken out. Like, I, I think like the, like, you could have the breakfast burrito and not have the chips that come with it.

• 26:26Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 26:27Speaker 04

  All the stuff I didn't care to eat, but would eat.

• 26:30Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:31Speaker 04

  It felt like it took care of that for me, which I, I'm like, listen, I am like, they should be paying me. Like, I am Mr. GL. I am so in favor of it.

• 26:39Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 26:39Speaker 04

  I think it's the best drug ever.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  You and Serena Williams.

• 26:43Speaker 04

  That's it. Two athletes. Couple of athletes just getting on the drugs. And my parents are on it.

• 26:50Mark Normand?

  Both have beat women.

• 26:56Mark Normand?

  That was right there. He's never beat a woman. It's a joke.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  No, I had, I had to slow down. Sam, Sam, you mentioned it earlier. You were like, yeah, Alex, you be getting, you be getting wild.

• 27:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I heard a story at Zany's.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  You, I was gonna talk about it. I was gonna talk about it. I was gonna talk about it.

• 27:10Mark Normand?

  Chicago?

• 27:11Speaker 01

  This is, this is the moment. This is the moment. You've heard about it, you know? Oh, my God, it's got to, cause everybody, ugh.

• 27:15Mark Normand?

  We talked about it on here.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  So, alright, so...

• 27:19Sam Morril?

  He was loose.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  I was real, it was too much. Okay, so...

• 27:22Mark Normand?

  He ate a man's ass.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  That would have been the least.

• 27:25Sam Morril?

  He wishes, yeah.

• 27:26Speaker 01

  Versus what happened. So, uh, so like, okay, so it was, it happened this January. It was this year, earlier this year. So.

• 27:32Sam Morril?

  Hard time to be in Chicago in your defense.

• 27:34Speaker 01

  And so I take.

• 27:34Sam Morril?

  Very cold.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  I was taking the gig. So this was the second time in a row, second year in a row where they asked me to come pull up like at the start of the new year in January.

• 27:41Sam Morril?

  Alright.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  First, the last year had great show, great, great weekend, great weekend. Cause I did Nashville Zany's and then they were like, oh, go do Chicago ASAP. So I was like, okay, let's do it. So.

• 27:51Speaker 04

  Another town where you're like, I gotta drink.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  I gotta drink.

• 27:54Speaker 04

  Now winter, the winter.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 27:56Speaker 04

  Like a fun drink. Malort.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  What?

• 27:59Speaker 04

  Malort, oh, the Malort. Everyone's pushing it on you.

• 28:02Sam Morril?

  I know. And January is a dry month for a lot of people. So you coming in guns blazing like that?

• 28:07Speaker 01

  So, so Jay, this is what happened. So the whole weekend, Thursday, Friday, and even like the first Saturday shows, great. Perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect show. This last show, okay, so my Saturday last show, uh, last year I wrote on a new barbershop show that's coming out on Amazon. The series has got like Jermaine.

• 28:25Speaker 04

  Oh, cool.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  So they filmed the show in Chicago.

• 28:28Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  They were rapping the same, they had the rap party the same night as my last show. So the cast, Jermaine, Punky, all of them were like, alright, we coming to your last show. Uh, we coming to your final shows after we leave the party. So I'm like, okay, cool. We do, uh, the fir-, I do the first show, great. So like the whole weekend, my green room was basically just me and my host in the future. Cause it was just, I was just chilling. I was working.

• 28:51Speaker 04

  It's funny when comics talk about the last show, we sound like those cops that are gonna retire. They're like, one more, I got one more.

• 28:59Sam Morril?

  Meanwhile, it's been three days.

• 29:00Speaker 01

  It's been three days.

• 29:01Sam Morril?

  I deserve, I deserve to get blackout drunk. It's been three nights.

• 29:04Speaker 04

  I've worked hard enough.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. So usually when I'm on the road.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  I'm gonna retire, I'm gonna get my girl.

• 29:08Sam Morril?

  Like gold watch.

• 29:09Speaker 04

  Right.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  I need, I need, I needed parental supervision at this point, yeah.

• 29:12Speaker 04

  Oh, boy.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  But no, but usually when I'm on the road, when I'm doing a club, like the bar, every, all these bartenders there, they are, they know me. I'm like, I keep it professional.

• 29:20Sam Morril?

  Totally.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  I'll have like a drink or two. They bring the drink up with me on stage and I'm kicking it with them the whole hour. In this case, the first show went well, but then the cast is showing up for the la-, for the second show.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  And they've all been partying, celebrating barbershop. So they all upstairs with me while like the second show's coming through. And they are like, Punky's ordering shots, another cast member's ordering shots. And I've already had like my first two.

• 29:43Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  And I was just gonna, I was gonna kick it. But the cast was like, there you go, there you go, there you go.

• 29:49Speaker 04

  And they just got off a set. So they're like, we have nothing to wake up for tomorrow. Yeah.

• 29:54Speaker 01

  Yes. So I, I let Punk, the hosting feature, they go up and I also let Punky, you know, do a little time to get, you know, she's, she's gonna, she gonna do her thing.

• 30:04Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  And from what I was told, Jermaine told me this. He said Punky was like dropping like mad F bombs and like kinda doing her wild lesbian shit.

• 30:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  And there were like some gay black dudes in the back who were pissed.

• 30:19Speaker 04

  What?

• 30:20Speaker 01

  So the vibe, so even Punky told me at some point, like she could feel like she might have like, I, she might have like kinda messed them up a little bit before it was time for me to go on.

• 30:28Sam Morril?

  F bombs is in the slur?

• 30:30Speaker 01

  The slur.

• 30:30Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 30:31Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 30:32Mark Normand?

  You can say it on here.

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Well, yeah. She was just standing faggot, faggot, faggot, left to right, which is what she says.

• 30:36Speaker 04

  You can say it once.

• 30:37Speaker 01

  She said, hey, hey, it's my word, okay? Notice I said three for each one, you know what I mean?

• 30:44Sam Morril?

  Mark, Mark is so jealous that you can say both those words.

• 30:48Mark Normand?

  You got them all. Wait, what are the, what's the other one?

• 30:52Sam Morril?

  Oh, come on, don't make me.

• 30:53Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 30:55Speaker 01

  No, I, uh, so, so mind you, I've now had, I'm like, I, when I tell y'all it was time for me to get on stage and I don't even truly remember the first.

• 31:06Speaker 04

  Oh, my god. The way you're telling this is like you don't remember.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  I truly don't. And all I remember is at some point kind of looking to my left, down at my left, saying something that I know, like a joke.

• 31:17Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  And the crowd just being disgusted. I think what I was told was that I had repeated, I was repeating jokes.

• 31:26Mark Normand?

  That's a bitch.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  And I just was like busy and sort of black, half blacked out. And like, I literally had to get like, the host in the future had to come up.

• 31:34Sam Morril?

  What I was told after a show, never a good way to start the sentence. So I was informed.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  I remember walking off stage and like just them, the audience just like being upset with me.

• 31:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  And so I like left, went straight to the hotel, like passed out. My, my flight was the next day. So I literally got like booed out of Chicago.

• 31:53Speaker 04

  Oh, my god. Well, it's funny, the, the repeating the joke thing is like such a, you, you think you would never see it, then you see it.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Such a nightmare, yeah.

• 32:02Speaker 04

  It's a, but it's a drunk onstage thing. And when you see it, you kinda have that, oh.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:08Speaker 04

  You know, I opened for, uh, you ever see the Don Gavin? I opened for Don Gavin. He, he had like a save for it.

• 32:14Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Really?

• 32:15Speaker 04

  He would go.

• 32:16Mark Normand?

  He's such a drunk.

• 32:17Speaker 04

  He would, he would get drunk. But Don.

• 32:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but hilarious.

• 32:20Speaker 04

  The godfather of comedy. He would go on stage, he'd go, he goes, did I repeat a joke? The record's eleven.

• 32:27Speaker 04

  So he has a save.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  At least he was of sound mind to be able to even get there.

• 32:31Speaker 04

  Well, that's how professional of a drinker he was.

• 32:33Sam Morril?

  It's so professional and unprofessional. You start, you start writing for the bomb. You start writing for the problem.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  You already know it's gonna happen.

• 32:40Speaker 04

  That's why he's one of the greatest, you know?

• 32:43Speaker 01

  So I, I had to get on the phone with Buff. Cause even like, you know, Robbie, who's the manager there, like he's cool as shit. And so he even called me and was like, this net, I mean, cause I ha-, I don't have like a reputation for, you know, mistreating.

• 32:54Sam Morril?

  That's why we're giving you shit. That's why it's funny.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  I know. I fucked up, you know? So and I just like hate that. So I did, I called them, I called Robbie, I talked about it with him. I called, I had to call like the general manager, the head dude of Zany's to be like, hey, dawg. Like, and I can see.

• 33:07Sam Morril?

  It's just such a stupid career. I had to talk to the board at Zany's.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  I like, but I.

• 33:12Mark Normand?

  The guy with the red nose?

• 33:16Speaker 01

  Mr. Zany's, please, yeah. I, I had to like, you know, hat in hand, just like, I apologize. But I could sense that at the end of the phone call that like, he still was somewhat not thrilled about it.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 33:29Speaker 01

  And I just, I, but they were, but what I, what I really respected and was like really happy about were that like, everybody was just like, are you okay? Cause I also was getting DMs from people being like, hey dude, as a gay fan of yours, uh, I used to also suffer from substance abuse. I'm like, well, hold on, it ain't that. It ain't, I'm not drinking myself to sleep every night.

• 33:50Sam Morril?

  But it says ta ta ta. And even then, I never fucked up my job like you just did.

• 33:54Mark Normand?

  Let's see, you did get some DMs after all.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:58Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Outreach. Yeah, I was getting outreach. But no, I just, you know, I was like, I thought I had a good time. But that was just one moment where I was like, oh, I had a super lapse in judgment.

• 34:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:07Speaker 01

  Even when it's just like my, like, I wasn't blaming on anybody. Cause I just like knew, I knew I fucked up in that one moment.

• 34:12Mark Normand?

  That's no, I, I did that three, I repeated a joke three times at a place called Star Bar in Atlanta. They had a drink.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:18Mark Normand?

  It was five dollars for a shot of Jäger and a glass of like whiskey and Coke or something crazy. And I had like five, six of them. Repeated a joke, the punchline was, it was a shopping cart.

• 34:31Mark Normand?

  And on the third time, I did the pause and some guy yells out, it was a shopping cart. So he did my bit to me. And that's when I was like, I might have a problem.

• 34:40Speaker 04

  Dude, and the thing is, we work at these places and you become friendly with the bartenders.

• 34:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  And they become friendlier.

• 34:46Speaker 04

  Well, then they think it's like a fun game to like, oh, you like double vodkas in a pint glass?

• 34:52Mark Normand?

  Yep, yeah.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  So I'll fill, you know, let me get you going. And you're like, I don't, I don't need this at all.

• 34:58Sam Morril?

  The pint glass is a problem. I mean.

• 34:59Speaker 04

  I was a big pint glass guy.

• 35:00Sam Morril?

  Liz at the Comedy Cellar, the manager Liz, always sipping martinis out of a pint glass. I'm like, you're a savage.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  I love it though. I love it. I, I indulge her, I indulge her all the time. You ain't, you are, you stumbling out of the aisle.

• 35:12Sam Morril?

  I love, I love a good martini. It always.

• 35:13Speaker 04

  It's watered down pretty quick, like that big glass.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 35:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:17Speaker 04

  It will work against you. You lose, you lose your pace.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  You are stirred up drinking gin.

• 35:21Mark Normand?

  But they think they're hooking you up, but you're like, you're ruining my night.

• 35:24Speaker 04

  I get them for free either way.

• 35:25Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 35:26Speaker 04

  So we could go slow on this.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  I've, I've gotten cellar sets of mine where I like watch them and I'm like, woo, bitch, you did a little too much.

• 35:33Sam Morril?

  I thought this was a one time thing, Alex. What the hell?

• 35:36Speaker 01

  I'm not blacked out repeating jokes, but you, I'm, I'm literally like, I noticed like, like what I, when you get the McDougal sets, I love watching, cause I'm like, you are such a bane bitch. Me talking to myself because that mirror is so distracting.

• 35:50Mark Normand?

  Very distracting, yeah. I don't like it.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  People don't know that like this, the cellar McDougal room, they, there's a mirror right there that you're, you're basically looking at yourself every time you look ahead. If you're not looking, I have to always be conscious.

• 36:02Sam Morril?

  I don't think I've ever looked at, I don't think I've ever seen it.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  I'm always like kinda adjusting myself, like fixing myself. I'm like, I should be looking at these people, but no, I'm just.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  I can't, I can't believe I'm doing, I'm showing, stretching my traps while the set is going on. I'm like, let me just make sure.

• 36:16Mark Normand?

  I just, I got a comment the other day, Mark, put your shoulders down. Cause I'm always like. Comedy. Yeah, you're right. I do do that. So I always try to lower them.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:25Sam Morril?

  I've definitely told people, like, you go through phases where you have a few too many drinks early on in comedy. And I'm like, no, I'm like, I'm better drunk. And some guy was like, you think so?

• 36:33Mark Normand?

  No. Yeah, yeah.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  You're not seeing yourself.

• 36:35Speaker 04

  You're chasing a dragon. You're trying to get this mix of like food and booze and like being tired that you can't replicate.

• 36:43Mark Normand?

  No.

• 36:45Speaker 04

  It's losing.

• 36:45Sam Morril?

  If you can't listen to the set because you know, you're skipping, you're like, ugh.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  Oh. I truly, I was like, y'all don't have to send me those tapes. From Zany's, I was like, I don't need you. I'm gonna see the one file that I'm like, it's too short. No.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  If you do, if someone does ever have an intervention for you, they'll like, bring out the tape.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  Show him himself in a meltdown. Truly, a meltdown, not meltdown.

• 37:09Speaker 04

  Saturday Late Show, Zany's, now.

• 37:12Speaker 01

  But I, but I do, I do owe, I owe Zany's.

• 37:16Mark Normand?

  A show.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  A show, in some way. I do, and I do want to put that out there.

• 37:20Mark Normand?

  They'll have you back.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, but they're gonna take a little break.

• 37:23Speaker 04

  Hearing about it a week later.

• 37:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  They were hearing about it. I had other comics who were like, I went to Chicago. I heard you was out there going crazy. I'm like, oh, no.

• 37:31Speaker 04

  Did I tell you guys a story? Like, I went to the Comedy Works and I had the whole weekend sold out. So I was like, give me the, give me the, uh, the buyout for the hotel. And they're like, well, we have this.

• 37:41Mark Normand?

  The condo.

• 37:42Speaker 04

  The condo. And I'm like, and it was my first time there and I'm adding a six shows. So I was like, what am I gonna say? And they're like, you gotta say the condo. Everyone loves the condo. And I didn't want to sound like I was like above it. So I was like, I'll take the condo. And I got there and I was like, fuck this place. I was like, there's no moisturizer. They're, they don't have ESPN. Like, I don't turn on the TV, have ESPN playing at all times. So there's no garbage can. I was like, and I did, I got done with the weekend and I, and the only reason I was mad, cause I was like, I wanted to get a nicer hotel. Like, I wanted to do my own thing. The end of the weekend, I taped a podcast, my Patreon, and I did like a half hour.

• 38:20Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  About the condo. Just like going on about, there should be snacks. Like, if you're gonna make me stay here and not a hotel, the fridge should be full, which I still believe in. And then I get done with the podcast, it's a 30 minute podcast. 30 minute, 31 minutes later, I get a DM from the Comedy Works being like, hey, man, I'm a Patreon subscriber. I'm so sorry.

• 38:42Mark Normand?

  What?

• 38:43Speaker 04

  The place. And I'm like, I, I'm sorry. I go, I hope you, I was just making fun of the scenario. I'm not, I'm not really mad. Like, I wasn't mad.

• 38:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 38:51Speaker 04

  Weeks go by, I'm getting like Cypher, Cypher Sounds is like, dude, they're talking about. There's a woman, there's a manager there who's like, who the hell is Jared Freed? What kind of a man needs moisturizer? And like the word, like, they all listened to it. And then they're like, and I saw Yamanika. Yamanika's like, woo, they don't like you there. Everyone was.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  If anyone you want to hear that from is Yamanika.

• 39:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, right. Oh, my God. She, and she gave me the same speech as Cypher. They keep, they keep wondering, what kind of a man needs moisturizer?

• 39:23Sam Morril?

  I'll, I'll second that. I, I don't like that condo.

• 39:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah. What? Really? As far as condos go?

• 39:28Sam Morril?

  It's a good condo, but I don't want to stay in the condo. I want to stay in the hotel. I thought I have a tiny ass hotel room.

• 39:33Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 39:33Sam Morril?

  With clean sheets.

• 39:34Speaker 04

  Yeah. They shamed you into it.

• 39:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's close.

• 39:38Sam Morril?

  It was close, but I was in there with Veder and the, the, the walls don't go up. So I'm hearing his dumb little footsteps every morning.

• 39:45Mark Normand?

  I had to hear Sean Patton fucking a fat chick in there. It was brutal. It was Yamanika.

• 39:50Speaker 04

  No. Well, they also have that porch that has no hot tub. It's just a porch that people are throwing trash on.

• 39:56Mark Normand?

  Who do you, Hugh Hefner?

• 39:58Speaker 04

  It's supposed to take, if you're gonna do the condo and tell someone who's do, who's selling tickets for you.

• 40:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 04

  Hey, this is a better option. You need to make it a better condo option. Do what hotels can't. Fill up the fridge.

• 40:12Sam Morril?

  I love, I love the club. I, I'm a hotel guy.

• 40:14Speaker 01

  I shouldn't have got a CVS to do, to fill up my amenities for the room I'm staying in.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  Right.

• 40:19Mark Normand?

  But there's a pinball machine.

• 40:20Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's all things that in like the 90s, when like there was no internet and you couldn't like find a place. It, it meant, it was for a time, I'm sure.

• 40:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 40:31Speaker 04

  People were like, whoa, the pinball machine. I'll have something to do. I don't need that.

• 40:35Sam Morril?

  If you're Tom Hanks in the movie Big.

• 40:36Mark Normand?

  That's what it is.

• 40:37Sam Morril?

  As an adult who's got work to do this weekend, I gotta make sure I'm sleeping. I gotta make sure I'm, yeah. So I, I'm hotel all the way, even if it's a shitty hotel.

• 40:44Speaker 04

  I also do the buy, I do buyouts everywhere. I don't care if I'm getting the same thing. I want the points.

• 40:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, the points.

• 40:51Speaker 04

  Like, that's a bonus.

• 40:52Mark Normand?

  Good point.

• 40:53Speaker 04

  I want the points. I want my bon voyage. Like, let's just, and then, cause they, they're like, we'll give you 75 bucks a night. Fine. That's what it is. I'll, I'll go and if I, if it's a hundred bucks a night and I'm happier.

• 41:05Mark Normand?

  Good point. Well, I fucked up with that condo because my first time there, I was a young, broke comedian and I got to stay in this condo where I'm used to living in Bushwick with bedbugs and eight roommates. So I'm in this condo like, this is heaven on earth. Oh, my God. So I'm trying to look cool to Colin Quinn on Monday at the Cellar. And I'm like, condo's amazing. He's like, really condo? I'm like, I'm telling you, get the condo. So he got the condo. He calls me that day and he goes, fuck you.

• 41:32Mark Normand?

  What am I doing here? This is place, there's an arcade game in here.

• 41:35Sam Morril?

  Well, Colin's 60.

• 41:36Mark Normand?

  I know, but I was, I was so broke and delusional. I was like, this is heaven on earth.

• 41:39Sam Morril?

  Dude, I, I did the same thing to Marina Frank. When you're a young comic, just being in a hotel is cool. I was like, oh, my God, a hotel.

• 41:45Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 41:45Sam Morril?

  I was in this fucking, it was in like, what's that club? Laughs in Kirkland?

• 41:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:51Sam Morril?

  It wasn't even in Seattle then. It was in Kirkland, like a suburb. And they put you up in this fucking.

• 41:55Mark Normand?

  Used to be a Pizza Hut.

• 41:56Sam Morril?

  Crackhead motel.

• 41:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:57Sam Morril?

  Where it's literally, it's a motel with like, you know, at one point, a fucking, some guy met or something, literally passed out against my window. Like, I opened the thing. I was like, that's fucking scary. So, but other than that, I was like, well, there's a waffle place across the street. This is great. I'm in a hotel.

• 42:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:13Sam Morril?

  And I remember Marina Franklin, a woman hits me up and is like, is this hotel good? And at the time I was like, yeah, it's cool. There's a, there's a waffle place across the thing. And she called me and she's like, you stayed here? She was horrified.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  Like, sending her out to be assaulted.

• 42:28Sam Morril?

  I was like, I must've been 23 or 24. I was like, this is incredible.

• 42:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. That's what, that's what I was going through.

• 42:35Speaker 01

  Luckily for me, like any position, any sort of situation where they were like trying to offer me a condo, I'm just like, I'll just find some gay dude to sleep over with. Whose place is like near the.

• 42:44Sam Morril?

  I did the same thing. I'm not even gay. I just, I wanted to feel safe.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  Grindr, Grindr was, was very beneficial to me early in my standup.

• 42:51Mark Normand?

  I bet.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  Career because I would get up, you know, I would do a bringer show at Gotham and need like six people, five to six people.

• 42:58Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  So I'm on Grindr like, you wanna come to my show?

• 43:01Speaker 04

  Just show up with your jokes and a boner.

• 43:05Speaker 01

  And it did work. I did it twice where I like met my quota through Grindr and then would just leave a bunch of gay dudes.

• 43:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God.

• 43:11Speaker 01

  At different tables. Like, no, no intention of ever really hooking up. I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:16Speaker 04

  It feels like a villain in a Disney movie. Like, god damn.

• 43:19Mark Normand?

  The guy was like, the jokes are good, but he kept repeating them.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  Drunken shit.

• 43:24Sam Morril?

  By the way, Jared has a new special out here on Netflix right now. Jared Freed, The Family Plan, now on Netflix, right?

• 43:31Speaker 04

  Go watch, please.

• 43:32Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 43:32Speaker 04

  One hour story about going to the beach with my parents.

• 43:34Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 43:35Sam Morril?

  That's it?

• 43:35Speaker 01

  I love your stories about your family.

• 43:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, my dad asked me how much I weighed at the beach in 2018. And the whole special's about that.

• 43:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Wow.

• 43:44Sam Morril?

  Does it have the Starbucks bit or the, the one thing where you're, and you're like, don't get the sandwich? Does it have that in it?

• 43:49Speaker 04

  Like, don't get the sandwich.

• 43:50Sam Morril?

  Like, don't get the, fuck, you're doing a bit the other night at the Cellar. It was a while ago at the Cellar, but it was really funny about, about like, just try not to get the sandwich at a call.

• 43:59Speaker 04

  Oh, it was the, no, that's the new GLP-1 shit about like how, yeah, I was talking, well, now it's like a continuation. I'm trying to do this story thing. Like, I wanna do one little piece. And for this, it made sense, cause you, it's the one story. It was a minute long. And I kept telling it and it was like doing okay. But then I was like, I gotta explain my dad. I gotta explain my mom. So it goes in these little, I make fun of Rob Lowe. I, you know, go with body issues, all that shit. But it all is one thing. And then now I was like, I like doing this so much. I was like, the next one will be, my dad offered me his Ozempic.

• 44:31Speaker 04

  And I was like so mad about that. So now I'm trying, and then I went on Ozempic. So now I'm like, I, you know, I try to like answer, you know, how, when I get coffee, like I was like, the whole time I'm there, like, the idea that people on Ozempic aren't working hard is like crazy to me.

• 44:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right, right.

• 44:46Speaker 04

  We were working harder.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  Your dad got you hooked.

• 44:48Speaker 04

  My dad got me hooked.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  Your dad is Reggie Watts.

• 44:53Speaker 04

  I would've done it two years early if he didn't offer it to me. I was so.

• 44:56Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's hilarious.

• 44:57Speaker 04

  Like, I was so.

• 44:58Speaker 01

  My favorite one about your dad is, um, he's looking around, everybody's interracial.

• 45:04Speaker 04

  Yeah. That's a new special. Yeah.

• 45:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love that one. I always, that's one of them jokes where I like, I always love waiting on, waiting to see you launch it.

• 45:14Mark Normand?

  Well, we're doing Freed bits. The, uh, the ick. That, that put you on the map.

• 45:17Speaker 04

  Well, I, I, I think it did. I don't know.

• 45:20Mark Normand?

  That bit's huge.

• 45:21Speaker 04

  It was huge. Well, it became such a thing, but I was like, I was in front of it. I was doing it when it was like, I put it together. It was like a girl that I was talking to, a friend of mine, she wouldn't fuck a guy because he wore khakis. And then I heard about the ick through Love Island. It's like a dating show in the UK. And they're like, I got the ick. And then I gave, I was like, well, the ick to me is a woman, you know, a guy does one thing, a girl doesn't want to fuck him. I was like, that's never happened to me in the history of women. And that was like the whole thing. And then I went around the country asking women their icks. And then it became a thing. And then someone told me there's a guy and another guy who has a Netflix special, did another bit. It's like a version, like, it's like the same bit.

• 45:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 45:57Speaker 04

  Some British guy.

• 45:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 45:59Speaker 04

  Like, I, I was like, I don't know. I was like, I don't want to go watch it.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  Right.

• 46:03Speaker 04

  But it, that guy.

• 46:03Mark Normand?

  But you did it first?

• 46:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was in 2023. And this guy, uh, Mo something?

• 46:10Mark Normand?

  Mo Amer.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  Gilligan? Do you know this guy? Am I?

• 46:15Mark Normand?

  I don't know. I don't know. I don't follow British humor.

• 46:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's like, and like I already did the ick bit. And I was like.

• 46:22Sam Morril?

  He's not gonna steal your fat bits.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  No, yeah, yeah.

• 46:25Mark Normand?

  They steal everything.

• 46:27Speaker 04

  Right. I mean, I did the bit and then it became like a thing. And then I got sent this so many times. I've never watched it, but I'm like.

• 46:36Mark Normand?

  Well, his is pretty good, I gotta say.

• 46:38Speaker 04

  It's gotta be pretty good. Well, it kind of shows you this whole Netflix thing.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  I'm about to say it's kind of hot.

• 46:42Speaker 04

  I think everyone in the world has seen it. And then like, he's got a whole audience who's like, I love your ick bit. And I'm like.

• 46:46Speaker 01

  Sorry, it's kind of hot. He's, he's gonna be over already without even hearing the bit.

• 46:49Speaker 04

  And he's British.

• 46:50Mark Normand?

  And he's British. He's a good looking guy. I, I know what the, the ick for men is. And women aren't gonna like it. Hey, Willie! Sometimes you wanna relax and catch a buzz without waking up hungover and bloated. Willys THC infused social tonic gives you an alcohol alternative that you can actually feel with a relaxing uplifting buzz that kicks in in about 15 minutes. I love this stuff. Hangovers are a bitch and this saves me when you wanna unwind. Willys is Willie Nelson's own premium THC infused social tonic. And if there's anyone you can trust who knows good cannabis, it's Willie Nelson. Each bottle combines THC, CBD, CBG, and L-theanine to deliver calm, clarity, euphoria, and relaxation.

• 47:34Mark Normand?

  It comes in 5mg and 10mg doses with a blend of patch fruit, lemon, and lime. Enjoy it as a shot, pour it over ice, or mix it in your favorite mocktail. It is only 15 calories with 3 grams of sugar in every bottle and is third-party lab-tested for accurate dosage, so you can customize your experience. Willys is the number one THC infused beverage in the US with more than 350,000 happy customers and over 1 million bottles sold. Order now at drinkwillies.com and use code WMBD for 20% off of your first order, plus free shipping on orders over $95. Or use the store locator to find Willie on the shelf near you, including Total Wine, Specs, ABC, and your local liquor store.

• 48:19Mark Normand?

  Willys! Cats deserve better than a bowl full of processed fillers. Smalls makes fresh cat food using preservative-free, human-grade ingredients that you would recognize from your own fridge.

• 48:29Sam Morril?

  That's good stuff, dude. Smalls recipes are packed with animal protein and gently cooked to retain their nutrients and flavor because more of the food is digestible. It can lead to healthier digestion and less stinky shit. Balanced diets can also, uh, it's much less shedding, fewer hairballs, more energy, and softer and shinier coats.

• 48:50Mark Normand?

  In fact, after switching to Smalls, 88% of cat owners reported overall health improvements. Forbes ranked Smalls the best overall cat food, and if your cat doesn't eat it, Smalls will refund your order.

• 49:02Sam Morril?

  So stop serving your little carnivore a bowl of processed shortcuts. For a limited time, because you are We Might Be Drunk listeners, get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life.

• 49:13Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 49:14Sam Morril?

  When you head to Smalls.com/Drunk.

• 49:16Mark Normand?

  Mmm.

• 49:17Sam Morril?

  That's 60% off your first order, plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to Smalls.com/Drunk.

• 49:23Mark Normand?

  And I got a cat and he loves this stuff. Hims! When something feels off in the bedroom, it can be difficult to stop thinking about it. Most guys wait longer than they should to address it, but ED is more common and more treatable than people realize. Hims makes it simple to explore real treatment options completely online. This stuff's great, works quick, never fails, gotta love it. Hims connects you with licensed healthcare providers, giving you access to legitimate ED treatment options without an awkward in-person appointment or a trip to the pharmacy. You complete a simple online intake and a licensed provider reviews your info to determine whether treatment is right for you. Available options include sildenafil, the generic version of Viagra, for up to 95% less than the brand-name version.

• 50:06Mark Normand?

  Additional treatment options are also available, helping you find what works best for your body. To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, hair loss, and more, visit Hims.com/Drunk. That's H-I-M-S dot com slash drunk. Hims.com/Drunk. Not available on all 56 prescription required. See website for details. Restrictions, safety, information. sildenafil is the generic version of Viagra. Viagra is a registered trademark of Viagra Specialty LLC. Hims is not affiliated or endorsed by Viagra. I get the ick after you fuck a woman.

• 50:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, I do that in the bit.

• 50:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit, really?

• 50:42Speaker 04

  That's the bit.

• 50:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, wait. Is that your bit?

• 50:44Sam Morril?

  You should put that in your Netflix.

• 50:47Mark Normand?

  Mo, call me.

• 50:47Speaker 04

  Men get the, uh, the oof.

• 50:49Mark Normand?

  The oof?

• 50:50Speaker 04

  Like, oof, I shouldn't have fucked her. That was the end of the bit. And then no one laughs.

• 50:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, I didn't get.

• 50:55Sam Morril?

  Quince. Getting dressed for the fall should be easy. A good sweater, pants that fit, a jacket that keeps you warm. Somehow, buying those three things can cost you more than your vacation. Quince makes high-quality staples using premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere. That's a good cashmere, I guess.

• 51:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:13Sam Morril?

  Organic cotton, merino wool. You know I love merino wool.

• 51:16Mark Normand?

  That's the best wool.

• 51:17Sam Morril?

  That's that wool keeps your feet nice and warm in the winter.

• 51:20Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 51:21Sam Morril?

  Love merino wool. Their cashmere sweaters start at 60 bucks. That's wild. They also have premium down jackets, classic wool outerwear for when the temperature drops. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen, so you're paying for quality instead of the brand markup. That's right, no kid labor, I would, I think. Sounds like no kid labor. Is it ethical, right? Uh, no animal testing, probably, ethical?

• 51:48Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 51:48Sam Morril?

  I, I wear this shit all the time.

• 51:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Quince.

• 51:51Sam Morril?

  I love it, dude. It's quality, it fits right, and it's not expensive. I love it. And I like what, like, it's not the logo everywhere.

• 51:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 51:59Sam Morril?

  It's got, it's got everything going for it. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK as well. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was We Might Be Drunk. It's the best way to support the show. Quince!

• 52:19Mark Normand?

  Thank you. To the end. Sorry.

• 52:23Speaker 04

  That's okay.

• 52:23Mark Normand?

  But the best part of the bit, not the best part, a great part of that bit is the comments, because every woman starts writing their ick and they're hilarious.

• 52:30Speaker 04

  Well, that was the thing. I went around the country and I was like, I would do it during the check spot. Like, during the checks, I'd be like, I, I took the bit, I had like one end of it was the beginning and I had the closer, and then in the middle, I could fuck around.

• 52:42Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 52:42Speaker 04

  So I was like, oh, what a great opportunity to like get through checks.

• 52:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:46Speaker 04

  And I was like, does anyone have an ick? And all the icks that I do are from women that were in the crowd that I like love. The best one being that a guy, a woman got the ick because she imagined the guy missing a bus and chasing it, so he never even.

• 52:59Sam Morril?

  Whoa. Oh, my God. I had a woman, I had a woman do that to me once. It was very early on and she goes, uh, "You just don't seem like the type of guy who would take care of my father if he got sick." And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. First off, we just met. Second off, your dad's in perfect health.

• 53:13Mark Normand?

  Whoa, you see what we're dealing with with these ladies?

• 53:16Speaker 01

  And I brought you all the way to my comedy contest. Ungrateful bitch.

• 53:23Speaker 04

  What about the way I ordered the vodka soda for you?

• 53:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 53:27Speaker 04

  I told you that I wasn't gonna be a caretaker to the elderly.

• 53:29Mark Normand?

  One of the, one of the comments, because I read like 55 of them. One of them was, uh, a guy went to the ATM and he would hit, he would say boop, you'd go boop, boop. And I was like, half of these I do.

• 53:39Sam Morril?

  That's how I fingered her too, though. Boop, boop, boop, boop.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  And that was the thing about the bit, like, I, under every ick, like, you could tell the confidence of a man by how angry an ick made them.

• 53:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 53:48Speaker 04

  If you're affected by a woman's ick, you're a fucking loser. Like, you just, you just, you, you hear an ick, because one woman.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  You can't control what she's disturbed by.

• 53:57Speaker 04

  One woman's ick is another woman's husband. Like, that was like always what made the bit fun.

• 54:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's good.

• 54:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. I recently did something icky to a guy.

• 54:04Sam Morril?

  What'd you do?

• 54:05Speaker 01

  Well, I didn't do anything, but I, I like, okay, so there's this, there's this dude on Instagram and I'm very attractive and the ass is fat.

• 54:14Sam Morril?

  Alright. Muggilligan?

• 54:16Speaker 01

  Huh? Muggilligan. And we have, we have been flirting back and forth in DMs and it's been very mutual. Uh, and so, at some point, I responded to one of his Instagram stories, one of his very sexy Instagram stories.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  With, with a gif of Winnie the Pooh at the table going yummy in my tummy.

• 54:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, man.

• 54:46Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 54:47Speaker 04

  It just got, it just got too gay.

• 54:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's the gayest thing you've ever done.

• 54:51Speaker 04

  This is the moment, we went over the gay mountain.

• 54:53Mark Normand?

  Yo.

• 54:53Speaker 04

  We were on the other side.

• 54:54Speaker 01

  The other side, cringe mountain, totally, totally. It's right there. I sent him the third, third one to the right.

• 55:00Mark Normand?

  That's the, that's the well.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  And you know Pooh's moving like this? He's like, I, and we, I think mutually, at the same time, we started typing to each other, because I instantly re, re.

• 55:13Mark Normand?

  Tigger, please.

• 55:16Mark Normand?

  Say it ain't so.

• 55:20Speaker 01

  I, it was, it makes me upset when I see it.

• 55:25Speaker 04

  What's the yummy in reference? So is it the ass?

• 55:28Speaker 01

  Absolutely, absolutely. I would like to take a bite, I would like to take a bite, and you know, he was dressed like that in the, in the thirst trap, so I was like.

• 55:37Mark Normand?

  I wanna wax it and lick it.

• 55:38Speaker 01

  You know what it is? I just didn't have, I was at a dinner while the exchange was happening, so I didn't wanna be just like, you know, looking for the appropriate response.

• 55:47Speaker 04

  Listen, you can't say that you didn't try.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  I tried, but we both called me out at the same time about it, because almost as soon as I sent it, I should have, I wasn't, it wasn't, it was one of them things where like he saw it immediately. I didn't even have enough time to unsend it.

• 56:00Speaker 04

  And was he like, this is too much for me?

• 56:02Speaker 01

  I, fortunately, fortunately for me, I got ahead of it before he, my text completed before his did, and I was like, I wanna tell you right now, I recognize how cringy that fucking was just now. And then he said, you are lucky, you're lucky you're cute. And I was like, oh, okay.

• 56:16Speaker 04

  Oh, he's flirting, he liked it.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  He was, I was, because he was, he was about to say something.

• 56:19Speaker 04

  You were lucky it was a man.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  That is true.

• 56:23Speaker 04

  You were lucky because.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  There, there aren't too many things that would like make.

• 56:26Sam Morril?

  Although I will say, Mark and I have talked about this on like, when you're in apps like Bumble and the woman has to make the first move.

• 56:33Mark Normand?

  Horrible.

• 56:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah, something, you're like, oh, you're not that fucking good at this either.

• 56:36Mark Normand?

  Horrible.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Patrice O'Neal said it best, women don't have game.

• 56:39Mark Normand?

  They have no game.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  They don't have to have game.

• 56:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you're hot.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  They're the ones to be courted in most situations.

• 56:43Mark Normand?

  Yes, well, we cultivated, we cultivated over years, even. You start when you're 14.

• 56:47Sam Morril?

  We used to have some fun pick-up lines, Mark and I, back in the day. We were, when we were hitting the bars, it was good times.

• 56:53Mark Normand?

  You know mine.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  Well, sure.

• 56:54Mark Normand?

  Well, this is awkward, but I.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  Honk, honk.

• 56:57Mark Normand?

  I would go up to a girl at a bar and I go, "Man, I gotta tell you, ma'am, if I wasn't gay." And they always go, "Oh, man, it's too bad you're gay." And I go, "I'm not."

• 57:05Speaker 01

  Right, right, right. Too believable, too believable.

• 57:07Sam Morril?

  We do it side by side. I do one where I just be on the phone and I'd be like, "That's not enough money for the children's hospital." No, we can do more. Always got at least a smile.

• 57:15Mark Normand?

  At least a smile.

• 57:16Speaker 01

  A little like soup of the hair.

• 57:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're like, "I see what he's doing."

• 57:20Speaker 04

  Especially now, that would just be like any form of talking to a woman in a bar. All you hear about is like, no one's talking to each other.

• 57:28Mark Normand?

  No, dudes are.

• 57:29Speaker 04

  It's the number one complaint right now is like, I go out and I want, I'm out to be talked to. And you are just like, because the crutch is there. Like you'll always have your friend on the phone.

• 57:39Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 57:40Speaker 04

  To go to if you feel a little bit uncomfortable and no one wants to feel any failure.

• 57:46Mark Normand?

  My single days, one time I called a girl and she was like, "Oh my God, you called me?"

• 57:50Speaker 04

  Right.

• 57:50Mark Normand?

  "Every guy's too scared to call." I'm like, "Oh, I just called you." And then that, that set me up like 50%.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:57Speaker 04

  Make a reservation.

• 57:59Mark Normand?

  That's big. Make a plan.

• 58:00Speaker 04

  Make a, if you, there are two things. Go say, "I like your shoes," and make a reservation. Those are two things that never lose. If you just say, if you're in a bar and you go up to someone, "I really like your shoes."

• 58:12Speaker 01

  They're crocs.

• 58:13Speaker 04

  Yeah. Everyone's got a story for their shoes. Everyone chose their shoes for a reason.

• 58:17Mark Normand?

  Interesting, interesting.

• 58:18Speaker 04

  "Your shoes, I can see it. Look at you. You got some pink on there. That's a fun shoe."

• 58:21Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 58:22Speaker 04

  You know, so you, you would go, "Oh, I got them here. I got a deal here. Oh, I found them there." I think shoes are an art project.

• 58:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but a woman's shoe is like, that's like a pump or a heater.

• 58:32Speaker 04

  Whatever, just saying.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  Now you're telling her I'm into feet.

• 58:35Speaker 04

  Nah, well, yeah.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  Do y'all have WikiFeet pages? I just learned that. I just, I, I just learned.

• 58:41Mark Normand?

  Roll it up.

• 58:42Speaker 01

  That I have a Wiki, I have a WikiFeet page. It's, the crazy part is it's 4.0 is my rating.

• 58:48Mark Normand?

  Is that good?

• 58:49Speaker 01

  It's four, out of five, but only one person has voted, so I'm pretty sure.

• 58:54Sam Morril?

  Let's pump those numbers up, Matt.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  So I'm pretty sure it's the person who made the page, because I think WikiFeet is like Wikipedia.

• 59:00Sam Morril?

  No, no, no.

• 59:01Speaker 01

  Has to like do the page.

• 59:02Sam Morril?

  By the way, it came up, there's no WikiFeet for NBA Hall of Famer Alex English.

• 59:08Speaker 01

  Who I've been accused of being his son in the past. When I got hired at.

• 59:13Sam Morril?

  Underrated player.

• 59:13Speaker 01

  Oh, no, no, absolutely. I, I had already known who he was, but like someone, uh, someone on Reddit at one point was like, calling me a nepo baby.

• 59:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, God, that's hilarious.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  That I was like, I have no connection to this man whatsoever.

• 59:26Mark Normand?

  That's the wrong N-word.

• 59:29Speaker 04

  Did someone like.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  You're getting closer and closer.

• 59:31Speaker 04

  Sorry, sorry.

• 59:33Speaker 04

  Can you imagine making your millions off of WikiFeet? Like.

• 59:37Mark Normand?

  People do it, Karen Feehan.

• 59:38Speaker 04

  Like there's like, remember when like the Mr. Skin?

• 59:40Speaker 01

  I think, I think.

• 59:40Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 59:41Speaker 04

  And then he was like on, he was like on Howard Stern, like I created Mr. Skin.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  That's the women's page.

• 59:46Sam Morril?

  How about the Girls Gone Wild guy? All these guys.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  Oh, Lord. I just remembered the picture that they are using for this. Go ahead.

• 59:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, God.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  Go ahead, because this will be my Mateo Lane sex symbol moment too.

• 59:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, wait.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  I'll, I'll tell you the context for this photo also.

• 59:58Speaker 04

  Where did you send? Yeah, how'd they get your feet picture?

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  I posted a, a, a, a very revealing photo on Instagram main that even my mama was like, "Now why are you posting it?" And that, that's the picture.

• 1:00:12Mark Normand?

  You look good. That's a great pic.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  I'll tell you.

• 1:00:15Sam Morril?

  How many Winnie the Pooh gifts did you get from that one?

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  I was in, um, I was in a hotel.

• 1:00:22Speaker 04

  It looks like the first time you've ever held a beer.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  I was in, I was in a hotel in Austin, because I was, I was staying in Austin last, last year for like a month, working on Bad Thoughts. Times of Girl Show on Netflix. So we, uh, he put us up in this hotel. So I was, that was, that was Halloween, actually. So I was on my way like out.

• 1:00:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  To some, to some party, but I was like, this is my costume, which I don't even know.

• 1:00:45Mark Normand?

  What's the costume?

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  Well, just, you know.

• 1:00:48Mark Normand?

  Just gay dude.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  I was trying to be tongue in cheek about it.

• 1:00:53Speaker 04

  It's called the, oh, fuck it.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  So I had, I have since archived that photo, but you know, the internet is forever. And so somebody, obviously, so that must mean that this page has existed at least since November of last year.

• 1:01:04Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  And like a couple of weeks ago, I was randomly like, I think I was like trying to write a bit about WikiFeet. And I was looking and suddenly the bit stopped because I was like, "Hold up."

• 1:01:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:01:14Speaker 01

  This is out there.

• 1:01:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you got the good sidelines there. What do you call those?

• 1:01:19Speaker 04

  You're on it too?

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  The V, the V.

• 1:01:20Mark Normand?

  I've heard I'm on it.

• 1:01:21Speaker 01

  I would be, I wouldn't be surprised. This is, would this be the first time you've ever? I'm saying, I'm sure you've got, I think, I'm pretty sure all of y'all got WikiFeet pages.

• 1:01:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, there it is.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  You've never seen it? Let's see what's more, Mark, I'm sure you got more votes than me.

• 1:01:34Speaker 04

  The funny part is that these pictures seem to be put up by podcast fans.

• 1:01:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  There we go.

• 1:01:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, look at that.

• 1:01:41Speaker 01

  Here we go, sniff, sniff.

• 1:01:42Mark Normand?

  That's a good thing.

• 1:01:43Sam Morril?

  You were asking for it in that photo.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  Looks like you were campaigning for it, yeah. What's Mark's score?

• 1:01:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, God.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  Let's, let's see, let's see what the numbers are.

• 1:01:53Mark Normand?

  4.8.

• 1:01:54Speaker 01

  4.8.

• 1:01:55Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  60, 60 out of 60 votes.

• 1:01:58Speaker 04

  I don't think I am.

• 1:01:59Mark Normand?

  60 votes, I'll take it.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  Yes, you do. Five photos.

• 1:02:02Mark Normand?

  Sam's got hairy knuckles.

• 1:02:03Speaker 04

  Whoa.

• 1:02:03Speaker 01

  On this pod, on this pod, you're showing your feet, yep.

• 1:02:07Mark Normand?

  Look at that.

• 1:02:08Speaker 01

  Giving up the goods. Mark, come on, Mark with them in his mouth.

• 1:02:11Mark Normand?

  That's right, my mouth.

• 1:02:14Mark Normand?

  That's a clean foot. That's a clean foot.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  What's, what's Sam's score?

• 1:02:18Speaker 04

  4.78.

• 1:02:19Mark Normand?

  All right, all right. I'm in the lead.

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  Y'all are beating me.

• 1:02:23Sam Morril?

  I got a size 13, baby.

• 1:02:25Speaker 04

  I'm gonna be so insulted if I'm the only one in here.

• 1:02:27Speaker 01

  Uh-oh, Jared.

• 1:02:27Mark Normand?

  Well, you can't see your feet.

• 1:02:30Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:02:32Speaker 01

  Did you spell it right? That shit caused it to crash.

• 1:02:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, you spelled it right.

• 1:02:36Speaker 01

  Oh, we gotta get, we gotta get Jared.

• 1:02:37Speaker 04

  Now look at Jared.

• 1:02:38Mark Normand?

  Get the shoe off.

• 1:02:40Sam Morril?

  Get those dogs out.

• 1:02:41Speaker 04

  Look up Mo Gilligan's feet.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  There we go, there we go, bam.

• 1:02:46Mark Normand?

  Oh, get that, Peters. Peters, get a close up.

• 1:02:49Speaker 04

  I just got a pedicure.

• 1:02:50Sam Morril?

  Did he really?

• 1:02:51Speaker 04

  Yes, I did, of course.

• 1:02:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, you live in Florida, don't you?

• 1:02:53Speaker 04

  Great road activity.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:55Speaker 04

  Back waxes and pedicures, that's the name of the next special.

• 1:02:57Speaker 01

  So Jared, you gonna see your numbers, you gonna see your page show up soon.

• 1:02:59Speaker 04

  I better get out.

• 1:03:00Sam Morril?

  You're complimenting women's shoes, you're getting pedicures, he's the gay guy here, what's happening?

• 1:03:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, because I've never complimented a woman on anything ever.

• 1:03:10Sam Morril?

  How are you liking Florida, Jared?

• 1:03:12Speaker 04

  I love it. I, you know, I'm, it's like a work in progress type of thing. I love Delray Beach. It's, it's awesome.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  Is that where you live?

• 1:03:20Speaker 04

  That's where I live. It's beautiful and my parents are 25 minutes away. I got them, I can hang. It's a nice separation from comedy that.

• 1:03:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:29Speaker 04

  Sometimes I need, and then sometimes I'm like, I wish I didn't have it.

• 1:03:33Mark Normand?

  Where do you go, Palm Beach to do a set?

• 1:03:35Speaker 04

  I don't even do, like, to me, there, it's not for sets.

• 1:03:39Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:03:39Speaker 04

  Like, it's kind of like, I'll go on the road, I'll work on stuff, I'll come here, I'll work on stuff. I, I was like.

• 1:03:44Sam Morril?

  Which airport is it?

• 1:03:46Speaker 04

  Well, that's the, that's the new thing.

• 1:03:48Mark Normand?

  Sorry.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  Yum.

• 1:03:49Speaker 04

  It's DJT.

• 1:03:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, is that right?

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:03:52Speaker 04

  It was PBI, Palm Beach International, the one of the best airports in the country.

• 1:03:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:57Speaker 04

  Now it's Donald J. Trump Airport.

• 1:03:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:03:59Speaker 04

  Within one.

• 1:04:00Sam Morril?

  Putting his name on everything.

• 1:04:01Speaker 01

  Everything.

• 1:04:01Speaker 04

  Let, let me tell you, what, literally the day it changed, that night, I was there the next day, sign on the highway, sign, like. Like, they can never tell you they can't fix a pothole. This happened in like half a minute.

• 1:04:15Mark Normand?

  Wow, look at that.

• 1:04:16Speaker 04

  It is, holy shit. That's AI.

• 1:04:18Speaker 01

  That gotta be AI, I was about to say.

• 1:04:20Speaker 04

  Whoa, that's, no, go to the highway sign, you can see like that blue one, that one up.

• 1:04:25Speaker 01

  Of course, it's a tacky sign.

• 1:04:26Speaker 04

  That's it, that's the sign. And it's like, it's, it's my, uh, it's my peeve. It's bringing up Florida in any way. The worst part is that it brings out the worst, most exhausting conversation.

• 1:04:41Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:04:42Speaker 04

  Because, and it's from all.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  It's all they want to talk about.

• 1:04:44Speaker 04

  Well, because if you're liberal, "Oh, Florida."

• 1:04:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  And if you're conservative, "Oh, DJT Airport, you pumped it." I'm like, I don't give a fuck about any of this.

• 1:04:53Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:04:54Speaker 04

  It's like the worst conversation you've ever had.

• 1:04:57Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 1:04:57Speaker 04

  And Florida, that's like the hard, the worst part of Florida. It's like I, somewhere, and like, you, you have to have like lines ready to go.

• 1:05:04Mark Normand?

  You have to, and we don't talk about Trump enough.

• 1:05:06Speaker 04

  Right, like I read. So that's, uh, so Florida's great. I mean, like, otherwise.

• 1:05:12Mark Normand?

  Is there like the Stormy Daniels Lounge? That'd be fun if they kind of leaned into it, you know?

• 1:05:18Speaker 04

  All your favorites are here.

• 1:05:19Sam Morril?

  The creamers, her tits.

• 1:05:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:22Sam Morril?

  Is, uh, when you're doing the road now, I mean, wait, actually before I go to that, so you've been sober a year. Are you, is it the relationship that's saving that too or no? Because being single and sober would be tough as shit.

• 1:05:33Speaker 04

  I was single and sober for.

• 1:05:34Mark Normand?

  In Florida, sober in Florida's hard.

• 1:05:36Speaker 04

  And I was going on dates and people were nice there, but like everyone who goes to Florida, like they have like some sort of weird origin story.

• 1:05:46Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:05:46Speaker 04

  Like, everyone's there because something happened.

• 1:05:48Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:05:49Speaker 04

  So that's like, the difference is like when you start meeting people going on dates and then like, you're like, when's the story coming? Like, when's the, oh, here, because everyone who moved there, and myself included, is very self-conscious about moving there. Like, you have to like explain, "What made you do this?" Even if you're older and you retire, you don't want to admit you're old. You're like, "I'm not like those old people who moved here."

• 1:06:11Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:06:11Speaker 04

  So like, everyone there is like, super like in their head about what brought them there.

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  How did I get here?

• 1:06:17Speaker 04

  They go into their story right away. Well, and then there's also like, "Oh, you moved Mondani?" And you're like, "Oh, the worst." I can't believe that, like, you think I'm that big a fucking loser that I was like, "I'm packing up the new mayor, I gotta get out of here." Like, you gotta be a fucking loser to do that.

• 1:06:33Mark Normand?

  But you gotta admit, Florida, there's a freedom there. Like, no one's offended by anything. Everyone just live it. I guess you're offended by some shit.

• 1:06:39Speaker 04

  Well, the Florida thing, the free, the, the relaxation part about Florida is it isn't the first thing that comes up. Here, the ills of the world come up very quickly.

• 1:06:51Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:06:52Speaker 04

  Florida, like my, when I talk to my parents, like the things they have issues with, like, are like.

• 1:06:57Mark Normand?

  Local.

• 1:06:58Speaker 04

  It is the problems of the problemless. Like, they are yelling at me about nothing. Like, and it's almost freeing to know, no one there is in touch with what's going on in the world.

• 1:07:09Mark Normand?

  Right. Well, we gotta scale this on a Jewish scale, too, right?

• 1:07:12Speaker 04

  Well, they're in a Jewish country club.

• 1:07:15Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:07:16Speaker 04

  Inside of Boca, inside of Florida. They're in a triple bubble.

• 1:07:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 04

  So like, they're like, the, like, they're, they have-

• 1:07:23Sam Morril?

  It's almost a hollow formed bubble.

• 1:07:26Mark Normand?

  It's a big-

• 1:07:26Sam Morril?

  Totally braided.

• 1:07:27Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:07:28Speaker 04

  So, it is def- it's just like, the relief of not, you talk about nothing there. You talk about the weather-

• 1:07:35Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:07:35Speaker 04

  When are you going to the beach and-

• 1:07:37Mark Normand?

  Del Boca Vista.

• 1:07:38Speaker 04

  It's truly that. Every, I mean, I went to a steak place, New York Prime, and I'm sitting with my mom and dad, and their two friends. I'm in the middle of two old couples, and just me in the middle, looking like a ten-year-old.

• 1:07:50Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:07:50Speaker 04

  And it's just like, I'm like, what am I doing here? Like, like, three women who are, like, from Boca, they're like around our age. They're like, Jared, we're big fans. My mom's like, who's that? Who's that from high school?

• 1:08:00Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:08:02Speaker 04

  Like, there's no-

• 1:08:02Speaker 01

  Like, man, I have a following.

• 1:08:03Speaker 04

  Business going on there, yeah.

• 1:08:05Speaker 01

  I have multiple podcasts, multiple stand-up specials. People do recognize me, especially in Boca.

• 1:08:11Sam Morril?

  I found out you moved, I was at a bar and some woman just started talking to me, and she mentioned you, and I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, Jared and I used to go out in this area all the time. And she goes, well, he moved to Florida. And I was like-

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  That's how you found out?

• 1:08:22Sam Morril?

  I was like, what? And she's like, yeah, he moved to Delray Beach. I was like, no, he didn't. And she, and then I text her, I was like, did you fucking move? And you're like, yeah. I'm like, I found out from like a fan of yours at a bar.

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  Everybody's quietly sort of doing it, kinda, kinda going back home. Sam Jay's in Atlanta now.

• 1:08:37Speaker 04

  Oh. I did it under the, a little bit under the cover tonight, but I was like, it was more because I, I planned on coming back here to do stuff. I, you know, I wanted to give it a shot. I also don't wanna be like, again, that's why I'm not like, I'm sober. I feel like that puts pressure on it that I don't really wanna have to deal with.

• 1:08:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you might wanna have a drink.

• 1:08:55Speaker 04

  I might wanna have a drink. Like, I don't wanna be Brad Pitt on me.

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  Brad Pitt's back with the sauce.

• 1:08:59Speaker 04

  I'm drinking PR tour. Like, that guy's doing a PR tour.

• 1:09:01Sam Morril?

  He better, he better make a stop here. Let's make that happen.

• 1:09:04Speaker 04

  I'm great with that. But, yeah, I didn't wanna like, I, you know, there's like, I, I was like, let me see if I can do this. And then, I really love it, but I'm like, again, now I'm dating, I have a girlfriend, and like, she's from the Northeast, and there's a piece of me, I'm still not, jury's still out. Like, and it's not because I don't like it. I like elements of it, but there's still a little bit of a search.

• 1:09:28Mark Normand?

  Comfortable.

• 1:09:28Speaker 04

  It is so-

• 1:09:29Mark Normand?

  But do you, do you lose the comedy with the comfort? Is that a myth?

• 1:09:32Speaker 04

  Well, that's like, kinda the, the, the thing I'm figuring out, like, cuz I went there with, like, an hour of material. And I was like, okay, at least I got that in my back pocket.

• 1:09:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:43Speaker 04

  Where I can go on the road, and I'm not going on the road with nothing. If I was, if I'm, if I was here with nothing, it's different.

• 1:09:48Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:09:49Speaker 04

  But then, I then took that hour and split it into two. So I was like, okay, that gives me more time.

• 1:09:54Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:09:54Speaker 04

  I can work on this one, and then do the next one, and then, so I'm like, I feel like I bought myself time with material, but like, I'm still, I went to an open mic at a, the Arts Garage in Delray Beach, and I, I forgot how horrific those-

• 1:10:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's the worst.

• 1:10:12Speaker 04

  Like, literally having to hear, like, seven minute, it was a seven-minute-

• 1:10:16Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 1:10:18Speaker 04

  And like, we all know that, and-

• 1:10:19Speaker 01

  Fucking showcase mic.

• 1:10:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right?

• 1:10:22Sam Morril?

  That's sometimes too long for like a pro. Sometimes you see, sometimes you see a comic who's like a pro doing seven minutes, I'm like, I don't need to hear it.

• 1:10:27Speaker 01

  Totally. Yeah, yeah. I don't wanna see you like this.

• 1:10:29Speaker 04

  I got heckled by a college kid doing it for the first time. And like, you wanna be like, I got a Netflix special, alright. You know, like, but you can't say anything. I'm at the open mic with them. I'm the same loser.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  You're surrounded by like, clumsy comedy is what I call it. Where it's like, every little mistake, like, even down to like grabbing the control, like, the mic cord.

• 1:10:47Mark Normand?

  Yes, tying it up.

• 1:10:48Speaker 01

  Playing around with it. I'm like, oh, yeah, you've been doing this for two days.

• 1:10:51Speaker 04

  I had a woman come up to me afterwards, she was like, you're good, you could do this. I was like, thank you, I appreciate it.

• 1:10:57Sam Morril?

  You're-

• 1:10:57Mark Normand?

  That thing with the x, that's good.

• 1:10:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:00Sam Morril?

  I heard he's just doing his A material. He's doing his A set for the mic. That's a great-

• 1:11:06Speaker 04

  Just to prove, like, for my own ego.

• 1:11:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Where are you from?

• 1:11:10Speaker 01

  Detroit.

• 1:11:11Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:11:11Sam Morril?

  This kid, this kid was at the Malice in the Palace, the famous basketball game, as a child.

• 1:11:17Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:11:17Speaker 04

  What the fuck?

• 1:11:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:18Sam Morril?

  I mean, pull up those clips, those are insane. Where were you sitting?

• 1:11:21Speaker 01

  And I was hard as shit.

• 1:11:25Speaker 01

  Look at all these guys fighting. Yeah, I, I was trying to picture they were all fighting over me, you know? Fucking Metta World Peace. I was sitting, I was sitting, um, mid-section, uh, across from where everything happened. So I saw everything. I basically saw it from the POV of like, on television, but in person. So I was on the other side.

• 1:11:41Sam Morril?

  This was a crazy, this was the craziest basketball moment of our lifetime, bro.

• 1:11:45Mark Normand?

  Right, I agree.

• 1:11:46Speaker 01

  It was on a weeknight. So my, so, uh, the day of this, when it happened, my, uh, high school, we were going on some field trip to some science center. And so my uncle, yep, my uncle had tickets to go to this game. And he was like, you can either do two things. Go to the, you know, field trip during the day, and like, miss out, or you skip the day. Don't go to the field trip, and I'll pick you up later that night, and we'll go to Auburn Hills.

• 1:12:09Sam Morril?

  They're attacking fans.

• 1:12:10Speaker 01

  This shit was crazy. And I remember when, like, after they, after they figured out how to like, maintain all of this, we were like, in the arena for like, another hour. Cuz they shut the arena down because they wanted to make sure they were grabbing anybody who had potentially been involved.

• 1:12:23Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:12:23Speaker 01

  So I didn't get home until like, one in the morning. Yeah. They shut, they shut the arena down.

• 1:12:29Speaker 04

  The guy that came on the court, I think the biggest, that guy, the biggest victim-

• 1:12:33Mark Normand?

  The balls of steel.

• 1:12:33Sam Morril?

  Look, here it is.

• 1:12:34Mark Normand?

  That guy, look at the balls on this guy. He like, squares up to him.

• 1:12:37Speaker 04

  Where's the inter- like, there's so many people doing like, their own version of journalism. Where's the interview with this guy? Like, this is-

• 1:12:43Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:12:43Sam Morril?

  Well, he's actually-

• 1:12:44Speaker 01

  They became friends.

• 1:12:45Sam Morril?

  They became friends. There's a documentary about Ron Artest.

• 1:12:48Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:12:49Sam Morril?

  And this guy is in it. It became cool.

• 1:12:51Mark Normand?

  It's on Netflix.

• 1:12:52Speaker 01

  It's on Netflix, yeah.

• 1:12:52Speaker 04

  I thought the biggest victim out of this was Turtle from Entourage. Because so many people compared that guy to Turtle. And it's like, what's the worst part of your day? Someone be like, look who you look like. And he had to hear that forever.

• 1:13:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. That was a wild season.

• 1:13:06Sam Morril?

  And he's like, dude, I got thin, fuck off.

• 1:13:08Speaker 04

  Right. He's like, I don't, you know?

• 1:13:09Speaker 01

  Dude, I gotta tell you, there was nothing better than going to school the next day and being the motherfucker that was like, I was there.

• 1:13:15Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. Street cred for life.

• 1:13:18Sam Morril?

  Well, the craziest thing too is that Ron Artest tried to go at Ben Wallace here, and then he took one look at Ben Wallace, was like, I'm not fucking with that dude. So then he's just going at like, the fans.

• 1:13:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:29Sam Morril?

  But like, you look at Ben Wallace, like, no one's fu- he's like a-

• 1:13:31Mark Normand?

  He's huge.

• 1:13:32Sam Morril?

  He's massive.

• 1:13:32Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:13:33Speaker 04

  And that team was so tough.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, they were, they were a wild bunch. They were scrappy, you know? Uh, Taj, Tajon Prince, all of them.

• 1:13:41Sam Morril?

  They were tough.

• 1:13:41Speaker 04

  Wow. It is interesting that like, in this day and age, like, like, that we, there is a fear of Big Brother now. Like, everyone is throwing their cups at this guy.

• 1:13:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:52Speaker 04

  Like, everyone is just like-

• 1:13:53Speaker 01

  Popcorn, Sprite, yeah.

• 1:13:55Speaker 04

  Who cares? No one's gonna see this. No one had any thought.

• 1:13:57Mark Normand?

  Big Brother, I thought you meant Mike Wallace.

• 1:14:00Mark Normand?

  But yeah, this guy deserves a fucking Purple Heart.

• 1:14:04Sam Morril?

  He didn't back down either.

• 1:14:05Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 1:14:06Sam Morril?

  That's like a Detroit dude right there.

• 1:14:07Speaker 01

  He really didn't drop, but then his friend kinda like, pushed him, pushed him down to the ground.

• 1:14:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, look at that chunky. Oh, he got nailed hard in the chin.

• 1:14:15Sam Morril?

  This destroyed the whole season for the-

• 1:14:17Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, cuz Steven Jackson was like, slid into the punch, yeah.

• 1:14:21Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:14:21Mark Normand?

  That'd be funny if you saw the stats of how many hits they got.

• 1:14:23Sam Morril?

  Artest lost five million dollars for this shit.

• 1:14:25Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 1:14:26Mark Normand?

  Damn, worth it.

• 1:14:27Speaker 01

  I'd never seen anything like that in my life.

• 1:14:30Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:14:31Speaker 01

  So to this day, I still haven't seen anything as wild as that.

• 1:14:34Mark Normand?

  Do you regret not jumping in?

• 1:14:36Speaker 01

  Not jumping in? My wild fucking scrappy gay ass would have loved to have been a part of some drama like that. I was fighting in high school.

• 1:14:43Mark Normand?

  Did you ever have a, like, a homophobia fight?

• 1:14:46Speaker 01

  Um, okay. I, I, I, I, I did have an encounter with a, with a guy who was like, a grade older than me, trying to like, you know, uh, approached me, and he made the mistake, he slipped, and I like, took advantage of that, and I grabbed him and like, was starting to like, bang his head into the locker. And, and I got, and I got pulled away. Fortunately, you know what, you know what's great?

• 1:15:10Speaker 01

  Physic teachers, gym teachers are the least likely, in my experience, to ever send you to the principal's office.

• 1:15:15Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:15:15Speaker 01

  I think the gym teacher at the, the phys- the physical, like, trainers, he was like, he, he was like, just go over here, you go over there, since no blood was drawn, I'mma let this lie. And I remember him talking to me, being like, had basically been like-

• 1:15:27Sam Morril?

  That kid's got a broken neck. He's like, no blood, we're totally cool.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  I, I, I, he was like, basically, as, ignoring me, like, seeing me in class and stuff, was like, look, basically saying, you're gonna deal with people trying to mess with you.

• 1:15:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's nice.

• 1:15:41Speaker 01

  Basically, basically without saying like, you're gay.

• 1:15:43Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:15:44Speaker 01

  So you're gonna have to deal. And this was my freshman year.

• 1:15:46Sam Morril?

  But it was like him giving you some respect, though, for it.

• 1:15:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I, I had two separate occasions, both like, my freshman year and in, uh, my, my senior year, where teachers were trying to basically like, assert my sexuality and, and incorporate it into some sort of bad behavior.

• 1:16:02Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:16:03Speaker 01

  Like, my crea- I had a creative writing teacher who, who was my, my senior year, who, I think, uh, oh, I had skipped school one day, and was like, because my parents were out of town. And they had, I was at the age where like, I could be left at home overnight. They like, went to Chicago or something for something, and then came back. So I could be left overnight, trusted to drive myself to school, and, but of course, I was like, fuck that, I'm inviting some dude over, like, I'm not, why would I do that? Uh, and so, it had gotten, obviously, I got caught, caught up in the lie and all that shit. And my creative writing teacher was starting to tell my mom stuff like, well, you know, Alex has been exhibiting some odd behavior, you know, and I, I think it's time that we're like, you know, maybe we should talk about something that he might be going through.

• 1:16:45Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:16:45Speaker 04

  And I'm just like-

• 1:16:46Mark Normand?

  What's your mom say to that?

• 1:16:47Speaker 01

  Nothing really, cuz my attitude was like, bitch, shut up. Like, I'm telling my business. I think I'm on my way out of here anyway. My second, who I'm fucking ain't none of your business.

• 1:16:55Sam Morril?

  Were your, were your parents supportive though, or no?

• 1:16:58Speaker 01

  Of me coming out of it? Uh, they got there. My, my mom got there, I'll say. Cuz my dad, my stepdad is like, a little, he's always been a little quiet. He's never really like, he never really off, in the beginning, told me how he felt about it. Like, so which made me kinda believe he was more supportive of it than he might have been letting on. But my mom, it took a little minute. She was like, you know-

• 1:17:19Speaker 04

  I gotta imagine as a stepdad, you're like, I'm not gonna say a-

• 1:17:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:24Speaker 01

  But this is also why I love my stepdad, too, because like, I'm not his- He could, this nigga could have bounced at any moment, and the government wouldn't have had anything to do with it. You know what I mean? Like, he could have just left. You know, so, he really walked into a burning, burning house.

• 1:17:36Mark Normand?

  A flaming house.

• 1:17:39Speaker 01

  So he like, that's, that's how much he loves my mom, apparently. You know, that's, cuz I really was giving him hell, like-

• 1:17:45Sam Morril?

  I think I'm gonna say head for a second.

• 1:17:48Speaker 01

  I was giving him hell when they first, cuz he used to be my, uh, he used to be a teacher in my, uh, middle, my, my, my first middle school that I went to. And so my, my stepdad used to see me coming out of class, saw me getting picked up by my mom and would like, kinda just like, at one point, he used to offer to walk me downstairs out to her car to like, you know, be like, here's your son, hi, my name is.

• 1:18:11Sam Morril?

  Right, right.

• 1:18:12Speaker 01

  And that turned into like a friendship and then the friendship was like, alright, we're, and now Mr. Scott is at our house. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on here?

• 1:18:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:22Speaker 01

  And so they eventually like started dating and then like, alright, now I'm just like, yeah, I guess this is my, my stepdad, but I was doing all types of shit. You know, I was, I was being, I was being a faggot. A young fag to my stepdad, like, cuz I was, my mom.

• 1:18:37Sam Morril?

  Were you out in school?

• 1:18:39Speaker 01

  No, I, I, I wasn't saying it, but I think by the time, by the time like junior and senior year of high school showed up, I was starting to be like, I'mma just like exist and let people call me whatever they want, but I won't be saying this shit. That's how much I was like, absolutely not, I will, I will never say that. And then by like college, junior year, I stopped. My, my grandmother was the first person I said it to and then she was just like, okay, well, what do you wanna eat? She didn't give a fuck. Okay, this is cool. So, you know, but I think that, uh.

• 1:19:11Speaker 04

  The high school coming out thing, you, it, the, the part that you, that gets underrated, I think, is like, you know these people since you were seven years old. Like, you know, you have to like, kinda go back on a lie, you know, it's not a lie, but you've, I would, I would imagine it feeling like a lie. That's fifteen years in the making, you know, like, or four, thirteen year, twelve years in the making that you go, well, I've, I've lived this way the whole, you know, you get to this point, it's like, I can understand why college, you're like, okay.

• 1:19:41Speaker 01

  Well, when I was in high school, especially like around sophomore year, the gay shit really started amping up. Cuz then we also, cuz now you're meeting like other gay guys in school who aren't, we're kinda all kinda like sucking each other's dicks in the bathroom, but kinda like almost getting caught. That happened to me, like, when it took grade, there was, and I feel so bad for this guy.

• 1:20:00Sam Morril?

  Fucking stressful.

• 1:20:01Speaker 01

  It was, but I, you know, it was, it was nice to get your dick sucked for the first time.

• 1:20:07Speaker 01

  Between periods, like.

• 1:20:09Mark Normand?

  Thrilling at the same time.

• 1:20:10Speaker 01

  But I felt bad for the guy that I would be doing that with because he was sort of like the first of like the gay guys that I went to high school with to like, be confident and he was hanging out with all the girls, he was like, he was being gay, he was out and I was not, so.

• 1:20:23Sam Morril?

  Were you jealous of him?

• 1:20:24Speaker 01

  No, cuz like, when, cuz when the, but that would, that would also, the, the, the lack of jealousy or even empathy for him led to me sort of mistreating him, participating in the mistreatment by other dudes who probably had thoughts about me too, but I wasn't doing it.

• 1:20:39Speaker 04

  Spotlight's on him, let's keep it over there.

• 1:20:41Speaker 01

  So I was being, I was being that and I know like, I had, I, I can only imagine that like, cuz the thing about like, especially my particular class in my high school, like, as we got older, I just started seeing more guys out who, I'm like, oh, you're out now too? Like, we later, and so I just know this dude was like, oh, these fucking stupid gays, oh, they were giving me hell and now they wanna be out, I was already out. You know, cuz for me, my life.

• 1:21:07Sam Morril?

  He was like the Jackie Robinson of the school. Front lines, man.

• 1:21:11Mark Normand?

  Jackie.

• 1:21:11Speaker 01

  Jackie, yeah, Jackie Robinson, but you know, I, that's my, my story is just like, oh, I've never not had straight guy support, which like goes back to like, what we were talking about early, when it comes to like all the straight men that show up to my shows, I'm like, I, for whatever reason, like even when I was in high, even when I was in college, like I was, I was doing a thing where I wasn't putting myself out there as gay, yeah, but I'mma be, I'mma just be Alex, I ain't gonna be anything, I'mma just like, I'mma be fun, I'mma be social and I'mma just leave it at that. When I got to New York and started doing standup and started like, you know, talking about being gay, doing jokes about it, kinda like getting there,

• 1:21:50Speaker 01

  uh, and posting it online, my homeboys from college, you know, I'd go home to visit, early years of being in New York, and they would see me at like Thanksgiving and be like, bro, thank God you started saying it because we got so fucking tired of talking about you behind your back. You, you going missing for like some hours off campus to do whatever you was doing, oh, okay, you're going to go study, motherfucker, you were sucking some dude's dick at the other dorm, like, just, cuz, cuz they also felt like.

• 1:22:16Speaker 04

  It's called studying in the gay.

• 1:22:19Speaker 01

  It's called research.

• 1:22:20Mark Normand?

  He also had five clams in the, in the mix, he had five vaginas.

• 1:22:23Speaker 01

  I was also eating pussy, I, I still was figuring it out.

• 1:22:26Speaker 04

  You were eating pussy?

• 1:22:27Speaker 01

  There was, there was legit, the last woman I ever truly, no, she wasn't the last, there was one woman in New York very early that I, like, it was, but it was like a sex.

• 1:22:36Mark Normand?

  This is why Sam Jay left.

• 1:22:42Speaker 01

  That was her first day wearing boxing, she was like, oh, okay. No, I, uh, so my, I, I took five years to graduate, so I was like a fifth year undergraduate. Uh, so I was hanging with my homeboy, who was another fifth year, fifth year graduate, and so we were walking, we were just, I was basically being wingman. But I, I, I was in my like, not gay, but gay era, and so this woman, this, this woman, this girl had a friend and I don't know, you know, when you're in college, you know, I don't, I, I think gaydar's, everybody got their own, everybody has their own journey with their gaydar. Whether you can tell, it's not, I don't think it's one way, like you can either tell or you don't, or maybe, I think this girl's gaydar was just missing. I don't, I don't, I think it was just missing.

• 1:23:22Speaker 04

  She's like, he did this awesome mover, he sucked on my clit.

• 1:23:27Speaker 04

  I've never felt anything like that, I gotta have that.

• 1:23:29Speaker 01

  I truly.

• 1:23:30Speaker 04

  That rabbit vibrator forever.

• 1:23:33Speaker 01

  My homeboy, he got what he needed, you know, he, we, he was settling up, you know, we're going back to his apartment off campus and, you know, she was joining, she was like, well, the night isn't up for me either, and kinda was giving me that, and it was truly the last time I ever like perf, it was really when I like, when I woke up that next day next to her, cuz we did all the stuff, I don't know how erect I was for it, but, I don't know that she was, I couldn't tell you if she received any pleasure whatsoever from that night, it truly was just like friction between two strangers. Like, I don't, I don't know what that was for her.

• 1:24:04Speaker 04

  That's all they need, just a little hug.

• 1:24:05Speaker 01

  And maybe that's, and maybe that's what it was, but that was the very last time that I ever truly like performed straight in a way.

• 1:24:14Sam Morril?

  Oh, you were performing, alright.

• 1:24:15Speaker 01

  I was performing, I was really acting, I was my acting, I was method, I was in my method bag. And I think I left my homeboy's apartment from that like one night being like, just be gay, dawg. Go to New York, first of all, take your ass to New York and go be gay, cuz I could not be gay.

• 1:24:30Sam Morril?

  Was that a big reason for the move to New York?

• 1:24:32Speaker 01

  I had to be, I didn't even, I didn't move to New York with the idea that I was gonna do standup. I needed to be gay, dawg.

• 1:24:37Speaker 04

  That's hilarious. Moving to like a buffet while being hungry.

• 1:24:43Speaker 04

  Like, I always think that like, being gay in New York must be like, might be heaven.

• 1:24:48Speaker 01

  It is, especially in your twenties.

• 1:24:51Speaker 04

  Like, could you imagine you die and then you come back gay in New York?

• 1:24:54Mark Normand?

  Well, he's not going to heaven.

• 1:24:58Mark Normand?

  That's the last one.

• 1:24:59Speaker 04

  But like, maybe hell's like gay in, you know, Ohio.

• 1:25:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

• 1:25:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:25:06Speaker 04

  Cuz the, the life, the life is so drastically different, like, a, a, a child born on the Upper West Side to two, you know, hippie dippy parents.

• 1:25:15Mark Normand?

  Maybe Jewish too.

• 1:25:17Speaker 04

  Jewish?

• 1:25:18Mark Normand?

  Going to New York and gay, you don't wanna be Jewish in Mississippi.

• 1:25:21Speaker 04

  No, it's a different life.

• 1:25:23Mark Normand?

  Florida, yeah.

• 1:25:25Speaker 04

  Flor- depends where you are.

• 1:25:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, and, and it's cool, it's alright, I think it's gotten progressively better to be gay in Detroit now, but around when I was there, twenty twelve, like when I got back from college, when I got back, I went to Central Michigan, so just that two hour drive back to Detroit, I've, like, what was happening when I got, like, I had an ex-boyfriend in Detroit when I, when I got back home from college who had been like murdered, like he had been like plotted on by like a date of his, he was, what was happening was that a lot of guys, and this is not just in Detroit, but a lot of dudes, get on Grindr, get on these apps and they meet up with these strangers and the guy's like in the closet and then he'll like straight up fucking murder him, just because he doesn't want anybody to know. That's happened to two guys that I know from that.

• 1:26:03Speaker 04

  Come on.

• 1:26:04Speaker 01

  So I was like, oh, I gotta go be gay somewhere else, cuz we, I might die, cuz I'm on these apps and you never really know who you're talking to, and I mean, I was twenty-three at the time, so I was being reckless, you know, I was like, yeah, let's go hook up, whatever. So I had to get the fuck out of Detroit and then like, yeah, I spent like a few months just being gay, being a waiter, walking around, running around New York.

• 1:26:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:26:23Speaker 01

  And then I got just like, did my first open mic and I was like, well, I guess I'm this now.

• 1:26:28Sam Morril?

  Those are two big steps in a month. That is, there's this movie, one of Sal Akus, who's, who'd left, one of his favorite movies, you know, Paris is Burning?

• 1:26:37Speaker 01

  Paris is Burning.

• 1:26:38Sam Morril?

  I mean, that's a crazy movie.

• 1:26:39Speaker 01

  I love it, I love it when white, when white men find that film.

• 1:26:44Sam Morril?

  You know, we're curious, we're curious, you know, the struggle of people and what they went through and like, and you find out that a lot of these people got murdered, it's crazy.

• 1:26:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, they did.

• 1:26:52Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:26:53Speaker 01

  Sal Akus, if you, if you, if you love, um, uh, uh, Paris is Burning, I think you would love the logo, uh, series queer, it's not, not Queer as Folk, not Queer as Folk, Noah's Ark, it's the black, what I call the black queer as folk.

• 1:27:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:27:06Speaker 01

  Cuz I grew up watching the original queer as folk, like that showed up, I was on Showtime or something like that, and I, it made me think that being white was only for gay guys. Like, cuz there weren't no black people really on, or no black men in particular, like on queer, or queer as folk, so I was like, oh, gay guys, gay guys are white. Not us, which was some of how, which is some of how I looked at it, I'm like, well, I don't know that this is a thing that I can do, and then Noah's Ark shows up and, and they had every little bit of flavor, Ian Patrick Pope.

• 1:27:33Speaker 04

  Movie?

• 1:27:34Speaker 01

  They had, they just did a movie, like, cuz this show came out in the early two thousands, it was a TV show. So they, and they had, so they did a movie recently, like a couple of years ago, they did a movie, and it's, it's the closest like to like Sex and the City that I think we'll ever get. For like gay black guys.

• 1:27:48Speaker 04

  What a surprise for someone who's like religious and is like, I just want the Noah's Ark.

• 1:27:54Speaker 01

  And they come across that picture?

• 1:27:57Speaker 04

  A bunch of black dudes.

• 1:27:58Speaker 01

  Six black dudes and all black.

• 1:28:00Speaker 04

  Blowing on each other's ear.

• 1:28:03Sam Morril?

  And don't watch Isaac and Abraham.

• 1:28:04Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 1:28:05Mark Normand?

  There we go. Cain and Anal.

• 1:28:08Mark Normand?

  Now, can I ask you, you had sex with two women?

• 1:28:13Mark Normand?

  You gotta admit, though, the vagina feels pretty good, even if you're not attracted to the package.

• 1:28:19Speaker 01

  I didn't have a pro- see, I didn't have an aversion to it. I would even still eat a woman out today.

• 1:28:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, alright.

• 1:28:26Speaker 01

  But I wouldn't call myself bi. But I'm like, yeah, I'm not a conservative gay guy.

• 1:28:31Sam Morril?

  Do you see a woman sometimes, though, where you're just like, I would?

• 1:28:34Speaker 01

  You said what?

• 1:28:34Sam Morril?

  Are there any women where you see them and you're like, oh, I would?

• 1:28:37Speaker 01

  I go out in New York City all the time and I'm like, that is the baddest bitch I've ever seen in my life.

• 1:28:41Speaker 04

  What's your type?

• 1:28:42Speaker 01

  And I hate, right now, uh, I'm into titties right now.

• 1:28:47Mark Normand?

  Hey, welcome.

• 1:28:50Speaker 01

  Titties, I think titties are back.

• 1:28:51Mark Normand?

  Titties are back, baby.

• 1:28:53Speaker 01

  Cause there's a moment where ass was really like a thing. I don't really care so much about ass on a woman. I need that on a guy. I look, I look, if I got on shades and it's a sunny day out in New York and I'm walking around downtown, I'm, guys working out, running, oh yeah, absolutely. I'm like, mm. And I'm an old creep about it too. I caught myself the other day being like, god damn. I was like, you know, I'm doing that shit now. Where I'm like hanging outside the bodega, just like hollering at dudes. Like, I think I'm one step closer to getting it.

• 1:29:21Speaker 04

  Here's how I know Alex is gay, because we were like, oh, what are you into for women? And like, four sentences.

• 1:29:28Speaker 01

  It's real, not basic guy.

• 1:29:29Mark Normand?

  After tits, starting with tits, yeah.

• 1:29:31Speaker 04

  Oh, when I see a guy with a fat ass.

• 1:29:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, those gray sweatpants. I get it.

• 1:29:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I love like a curvy woman.

• 1:29:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, same.

• 1:29:41Speaker 04

  A curvy woman.

• 1:29:43Speaker 01

  But also, there's room in my heart also for like, you know, cocaine, slim.

• 1:29:48Speaker 04

  No, sure.

• 1:29:49Speaker 01

  No, not for you. You need some meat on the bone.

• 1:29:51Speaker 04

  I like curves.

• 1:29:51Sam Morril?

  I like both. I mean, it's different vibes.

• 1:29:55Speaker 01

  People think that I don't like, I've been told that I don't give off the vibe that I would date a bigger dude, like a plus size, like fat dude. And I'm like, no, I have before. Like, I don't mind it. Yeah. My problem comes in where they want to bottom for me. And I'm like, I don't know if that looks good.

• 1:30:13Speaker 01

  Because also, I feel the same way about guys who are super, this is gonna, people are gonna get on my case about this, but it's okay. I am against tall tops, I mean, tall bottoms. I'm five, I'm five ten. If you are above six feet, I'm not bending your long ass over, dog.

• 1:30:27Sam Morril?

  So I would be a top?

• 1:30:29Speaker 01

  You would be, well, would you?

• 1:30:33Speaker 04

  If you're an Alex, yeah.

• 1:30:35Mark Normand?

  But you could stand up.

• 1:30:36Speaker 01

  You gotta whip that dick out, so.

• 1:30:39Speaker 04

  But here's the beauty of being gay, is that you guys have gotten very organized about fucking. So you could be like, there's a, there's like a community, I'm sure, of tall bottoms.

• 1:30:49Speaker 01

  There is a community. They're gonna be upset with me for saying this publicly and being a gay. I'm not like violently.

• 1:30:55Sam Morril?

  I don't know if our audience is gonna be down your throat too hard on this one. You fucking.

• 1:31:00Speaker 01

  After that WikiPee review, I'm hoping I'm gonna get some pleasant DMs from this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:06Speaker 04

  Somebody's looking to experiment.

• 1:31:08Speaker 01

  No, I just, you know what it is? It's also very, it's low key rooted in like hetero norma- ugh, I feel so gay saying this shit, hetero normative, you know what I mean? But like, it is sort of that where I'm like, well, the tall guy's the man and the little guy's the bottom. That's how I used to live.

• 1:31:23Sam Morril?

  So I say devita when we're on the road.

• 1:31:27Speaker 01

  I just feel like, that's where I started. And I was just like, well, when I was just being a bottom, I'm just like, well, yep, the guy's gotta be like up here. And I gotta be snuggled underneath him. But the older I've gotten, I've been like, man, get up off of me. You know what I mean? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I need me, I need me a bitch, dog.

• 1:31:46Speaker 01

  That was my phase, that was my bottom phase. And now I'm kinda like, I'm like leaning more into being like, yeah, yeah. But that shit comes with responsibility too.

• 1:31:53Mark Normand?

  That's true, you gotta pay for shit.

• 1:31:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, now, now I'm the fucking, now I'm the dude. I'm like, well, hold on, I've been on some dates and, and, and, you know, the bottom.

• 1:32:01Sam Morril?

  You gotta pay.

• 1:32:02Speaker 01

  The bottom like.

• 1:32:02Mark Normand?

  But the cool thing is.

• 1:32:03Speaker 01

  I'm like, hey, hey, you got a dick too, dog. Like, pump it up.

• 1:32:07Mark Normand?

  If you get mugged, you can both beat up the guy. My wife cowers. And I gotta, I gotta step up. You guys can both tag team him. Wait a minute.

• 1:32:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, yeah, it could turn out that way.

• 1:32:18Speaker 04

  It's funny that you can't break out of those.

• 1:32:20Mark Normand?

  Those gender roles.

• 1:32:21Speaker 01

  Those, it exists, yeah.

• 1:32:23Speaker 04

  It's like, anyone who goes online and like yells at you about whatever version of that they found, you're like, what a high horse. Like, what a, you ever, when you're not in it.

• 1:32:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's so true.

• 1:32:34Speaker 04

  And you're like, this is a steak. I smell a steak. I like a steak.

• 1:32:37Sam Morril?

  Personality types too. It's like, they just kinda find each other.

• 1:32:39Speaker 01

  But it's also aesthetically too. Gay, gay people are very like aesthetic driven. Where like, also like, you know, Sam Jay and Punky and like, you know, like Shante Wayans. Like, they all present the way that they present. And you talk to any stud and they're like, yeah, sometimes, especially those three, and they're like, yeah, sometimes a stud will approach me. And I'm like, bitch, if you don't get your butch ass out my face, like, that's gay. I ain't fucking no other, it's like two dudes fucking. No, no, I want, I want a bitch.

• 1:33:08Speaker 04

  Long store.

• 1:33:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's also like stud on stud.

• 1:33:14Mark Normand?

  Do you ever see yourself, uh, settling down?

• 1:33:18Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 1:33:19Sam Morril?

  He just was saying open relationship.

• 1:33:20Speaker 01

  I don't know. I don't know. I, I don't know right now. There's a lot that I need, that I, there's a lot that I need to do for myself before I let any, here's the thing, like, when I, I was in my relationship when I got fired right from SNL. And so, the thing about that is that, before I got at SNL and like just before I got passed at The Cellar, I was still sort of, it was like coming out of the pandemic. So I was like, still in like my, you know, my grind and like, you know, just focused on stand up. And like trying to get, get the next thing or whatever. And so, when I was done with SNL, my ex had like this front row seat to like a mental breakdown.

• 1:34:01Speaker 01

  Where I wasn't like throwing shit, but I was like depressed. I was like fucked up and kinda like waking up with like stress dreams about 30 Rock. And like, just like, kinda like going, going through that like after, that little bit of after like brain fog, like coming back up for air. And also, it just like, leaving there, like I said, I went straight to The Cellar right after when I found out that I wasn't coming back. And I was just trying to get as much stage time as possible, like starting doing, okay, I'm gonna do an Outrage Union Hall. I'mma, I'mma, I'mma go do The Cellar a bunch. I'm putting in the veils at all these different clubs. So I was really back out in New York City in the way that I used to. And I think that like, my ex, when he, when we got together, I was like riding high in like a job, like a cool job, you know, and like doing shit.

• 1:34:46Speaker 04

  And that probably masked a lot of the insecurity.

• 1:34:47Speaker 01

  The first time he ever like came to see, to see the show live at SNL, I was in the fucking monologue. I was like doing like, and I'm like, this is not every day, I'm not on the cast, whatever. But it was like that type of shit. So it was like, when, yeah, coming out of it and then he's seeing me like, oh shit, I gotta get back into like stand up, you know, everyday thing. Oh, six spots a night. Like, that's what I kinda went back to.

• 1:35:11Speaker 04

  Because you wanna have, feel like the worth, you know, you know.

• 1:35:14Sam Morril?

  And you need someone to put, to put it, you know, you, you got fired. You need someone to put that energy out.

• 1:35:18Speaker 01

  And that's positive. I mean, my calendar during that period of time, I just, I had Cellar spots, The Stand, New York, I was back, I was back doing that. And he'd never seen that side of me. And it really exposed some cracks in our relationship.

• 1:35:32Speaker 04

  That's something we all deal with, I think. Like, that was like the move to Florida, you guys went stand up. I'm like, you know, I had to, I, the, the thing you gotta, I'm like trying to learn is like, how do I differentiate between a spot that I'm like using to work, or a spot that I'm doing because I wanna check a box and feel like I did something right and I didn't do nothing? It's hard when you.

• 1:35:52Sam Morril?

  Sometimes you just use it to get out of the house.

• 1:35:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely. You don't even really need to be doing it right now. But you wanna go out and do the thing that I've been doing.

• 1:35:59Mark Normand?

  And socialize a little and get a dopamine hit.

• 1:36:02Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:36:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:03Mark Normand?

  Now, what about you with this? Cause you almost got married. You were at the buzzer.

• 1:36:07Speaker 04

  What are you talking about?

• 1:36:08Mark Normand?

  Couple of years ago?

• 1:36:09Speaker 04

  No, we, I was moved in with someone and then we broke up.

• 1:36:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, I thought you were engaged.

• 1:36:12Speaker 04

  No, no, no engagement. I, I ended it, we.

• 1:36:15Speaker 01

  What did you eat early today?

• 1:36:16Mark Normand?

  I had a burrito. It was yummy in my tummy.

• 1:36:23Speaker 01

  I, I, I can already see my DMs being filled with that meme.

• 1:36:29Speaker 01

  Trolling me.

• 1:36:30Speaker 04

  At least you know they're India.

• 1:36:33Sam Morril?

  This is the worst talk you ever have. So you're married recently?

• 1:36:37Mark Normand?

  That's why I don't wear white pants.

• 1:36:39Speaker 01

  You know Carson was farting up a storm, man. Stop playing.

• 1:36:42Speaker 04

  Byron Allen, this is his move.

• 1:36:45Mark Normand?

  My ass is unleashed. Alright, so, I thought you were engaged, my bad.

• 1:36:49Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no. I, I, I was, we broke up 2021 and then I was single until, you know, January.

• 1:36:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, cause I was living in the village and then you showed up all of a sudden and I bumped into you on the street. You're like, have you been to this bar, this bar? I'm like, buddy, I've been here. You, you, you're very organized in life. You really can make a list.

• 1:37:07Speaker 04

  I, I, I like, I, that's, that's my move. Um, no, I had a lot of, I, I had a lot of places I would go that like, but I, you know, I like, you know, go, go on the road. I'm like looking up places.

• 1:37:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:37:21Speaker 04

  And you know, I.

• 1:37:22Mark Normand?

  You're Yelp.

• 1:37:23Sam Morril?

  Jared's a fun guy to drink with. He's the type of guy whenever, whenever he turns around, it's another drink. He just keeps handing you drinks. It's the best until you wake up the next day.

• 1:37:31Speaker 04

  Well, that was my problem with drinking is like, I, the social aspect of it is fun and, but I, I, when I go, I go.

• 1:37:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, same.

• 1:37:39Speaker 04

  But then I would be at like Wilfianels in the West Village. I'd be sitting at the corner of the bar, just like. Get done with the martini and you're like, I'll do another. Like, I think that, you know, comedy, like, this, this lifestyle, if you're on your own, you have no one to answer to.

• 1:37:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I was saying.

• 1:37:53Speaker 04

  You know, you go, what am I gonna do? I'll do one more. Why not? I gotta know, you know, I did my thing. I, I ended the day, you know, I.

• 1:38:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:01Speaker 04

  I think a lot of that.

• 1:38:02Mark Normand?

  There was one night, this is when I first met my wife, you were going out, it was you, Michelle Wolf, Che and Nimesh. And you guys invited me. Murderer's Row of drinkers.

• 1:38:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:38:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:12Mark Normand?

  That's what I meant. Twenty eighteen, twenty seventeen, and we went to Marie's Crisis.

• 1:38:19Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:38:20Mark Normand?

  It was, and my wife was like, this is the coolest life. We're hanging out with Che and Wolf and you and Nimesh and just, we had our own table as a fucking live band going. You're, you're bringing drinks in every ten minutes.

• 1:38:32Speaker 04

  People are singing.

• 1:38:33Sam Morril?

  I had a video pop on my phone, Memories, which, and it was you, me, Michelle and Che at Arthur's drunkenly singing Purple Rain.

• 1:38:42Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:38:42Speaker 01

  That sounds right.

• 1:38:43Speaker 04

  And I remember that.

• 1:38:44Speaker 01

  If you were, if you were Che, you're singing Prince at some point.

• 1:38:46Speaker 04

  It was in the winter, right?

• 1:38:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:48Speaker 04

  Like, we would, those are like the most fun nights.

• 1:38:50Sam Morril?

  Those memories pop up on your phone. I don't know if you guys have a dock on your phone, but. I'm like, can you guys pop up memories?

• 1:38:54Speaker 01

  They show you.

• 1:38:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but some of these are just like, it pops up on the dock and I'm like, it's just like me and an ex. I'm like, ah, fuck, I'm gonna cover that shit.

• 1:39:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta get them ex, you gotta get them exes out of there, because the phone will remind you, remember, remember this?

• 1:39:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:06Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. But I like those, the memories of friends, because you can be like, you can take it and then be like, you can send it to them. You can send it to your friend, be like, look at this. You're like, holy shit, look at us.

• 1:39:15Speaker 04

  An excuse to get back in touch.

• 1:39:17Speaker 01

  We've all gotten fatter.

• 1:39:20Speaker 04

  No, those nights in the villa, like, those are like the most fun nights and like, you know, you wanna figure out how you can do those without alcohol. Like, that's like, kinda like, how do you even replicate?

• 1:39:31Sam Morril?

  How you end up singing Prince without alcohol? I don't know, you have a mental breakdown.

• 1:39:34Speaker 01

  But it's also like being a regular at like a place that helps, that does, that does aid in like the just like binge drinking of it all. Because like you'll go, like, I have a couple of spots that I have, like, downtown where like, they know me, I know them.

• 1:39:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:47Speaker 01

  And so, they know that I'm good for it. They know I'll give them the money, whatever. So they'll just like, here you go. We'll, we'll, we'll close you out later and all you gotta do is give them like forty bucks. And they're like, yeah, I'll take, that's just a tip. You're out of here. Go ahead.

• 1:39:59Speaker 04

  That is a back to the vein of like, oh, the pint glass with three shots is not what I needed right now.

• 1:40:05Mark Normand?

  But see, how do you skip, this is why you, I can't stop drinking, yeah.

• 1:40:10Speaker 04

  I, I remember going on the road with Michelle when, when I was opening for her and we would play this fun game of like, we would get done with a drink and I'd be like, one more.

• 1:40:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:19Speaker 04

  And we'd always go, one more. It became the joke.

• 1:40:22Sam Morril?

  That was the genesis of our podcast. This was originally called One More Drink.

• 1:40:26Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 1:40:27Sam Morril?

  And we found another pod with that, but yeah, we did the same thing. I mean, it's, it's a lot of alcoholics do that move, Jared.

• 1:40:32Speaker 04

  I guess we're all the same, but.

• 1:40:34Speaker 01

  Either with friends or internally too. I have one more. You say that to a bartender enough, you'd be like, I'll have one more. Like, motherfucker, you've been here for three hours.

• 1:40:42Sam Morril?

  You slept here, dude.

• 1:40:44Speaker 04

  Albuquerque, New Mexico, we're at this like casino and I remember like, one more, one more. And I just wake up in this hotel and I'm like, where the fuck am I?

• 1:40:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:52Speaker 04

  And it's like not an airport with a lot of flights and I'm like, I have to leave here. Like, I need.

• 1:40:57Mark Normand?

  You have to.

• 1:40:57Speaker 04

  To go. And, you know, but we still joke, one more, one more.

• 1:41:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:02Sam Morril?

  Well, anyway, Jared's new special, Netflix, uh, give it, give it a look. The Family Plan, always hilarious. Same with Alex English, always hilarious.

• 1:41:11Speaker 01

  Thanks, doc.

• 1:41:11Mark Normand?

  Killer stuff.

• 1:41:12Sam Morril?

  Great hang with you guys. Uh, yeah, plug some dates coming up, guys.

• 1:41:15Mark Normand?

  Uh, where are you gonna be?

• 1:41:16Sam Morril?

  Is that me?

• 1:41:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:17Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay. That was Athens, I believe. Yeah, I'm all over you. Oh, yeah, go someone else first.

• 1:41:21Speaker 04

  When are you going to Athens? Oh, I have like one date on my calendar. I, I literally have nothing right now. By the time this comes out, I'm hoping someone will have done something to make this different.

• 1:41:31Mark Normand?

  Well, the special will be out.

• 1:41:32Speaker 04

  I'm gonna be in Huntington, New York at the Paramount, um, but the special, thirty, uh, not thirty seven, uh, The Family Plan. It's a, a one hour story about my, going to the beach with my parents. My dad asks me how much I weigh and, uh, I make fun of my boomer millennial relazia, make fun of Rob Lowe.

• 1:41:49Mark Normand?

  You went with suede.

• 1:41:50Speaker 04

  I went with a suede.

• 1:41:51Mark Normand?

  That looks great.

• 1:41:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, um, I'm, no, Sal Akus took the pictures. Um, no, I'm, I'm really proud of it. I'm excited to see people. And watch it with like your family. I told people to bring their parents.

• 1:42:02Sam Morril?

  All right, well, watch Jared's special. Go see Alex. We love you guys. We'll see you next week.

• 1:42:07Speaker 01

  Part two.

• 1:42:07Sam Morril?

  All right, have a good one, guys. Bye, bye.

• 1:42:09Speaker 05

  Sunday's the day for my next fender. A bit of Pevereck, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like the cops coming and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

• 1:42:55Speaker 06

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