215: In LA With David Spade

David Spade drops in for a fun episode with classic comedy stories, making movies, and so much more. Such a fun time hanging out with David at the legendary Comedy Store in Los Angeles. F*%k your khakis & get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the DRUNK15 at https://www.theperfectjean.nyc/DRUNK15 Support the show and get 20% off your 1st Sheath order with promo code DRUNK at https://www.sheathunderwear.com Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD WMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ WMBD Clips Page: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips See David on the road: https://davidspade.com Sam Morril: YouTube Channel: @sammorril Instagram: https://instagram.com/sammorril Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: YouTube Channel: @marknormand Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/marknormand Tickets/Tour: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets We Might Be Drunk is produced by Gotham Production Studios https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com/ @GothamProductionStudios Producer Matt Peters: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #wemightbedrunk #marknormand #sammorril #podcast #drunkpodcast #comedy #comedian #funny #gothampodcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 0:07Sam Morril?

  Oh my god.

• 0:08Mark Normand?

  We might be drunk. We're here at the Comedy Store.

• 0:10Sam Morril?

  We might be hungover.

• 0:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm there too.

• 0:13Sam Morril?

  Oof.

• 0:13Mark Normand?

  That bodega will get ya.

• 0:15Sam Morril?

  Three hours of sleep, I think.

• 0:17Mark Normand?

  Oh!

• 0:18Sam Morril?

  That was crazy.

• 0:20Mark Normand?

  Five-star hotel, three hours of sleep.

• 0:22Sam Morril?

  Oof.

• 0:22Mark Normand?

  Was that five-star, I think?

• 0:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, five-star, but in downtown LA.

• 0:26Mark Normand?

  That's how they get ya.

• 0:27Sam Morril?

  That's how they get ya.

• 0:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we got called a... what we could call it? A dive-die on the way in?

• 0:32Sam Morril?

  Oh my god, yeah. A guy screamed at the... made me homesick. Yeah, screaming at us. I was like, hey, let's speed up.

• 0:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 0:40Sam Morril?

  Let's walk away.

• 0:41Mark Normand?

  It's 10:00 in the morning.

• 0:42Sam Morril?

  Right outside the store.

• 0:43Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah. Sunset Boulevard, baby. What a town. Good movie.

• 0:48Sam Morril?

  Jesus. Good movie.

• 0:49Mark Normand?

  So, just to set the table, we were out here doing a Netflix shoot, roast, and we're done. And we'd had a little mixer last night, and now we're here.

• 0:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the roast was a lot.

• 1:02Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah. It was off the rails.

• 1:05Sam Morril?

  No after-party.

• 1:06Mark Normand?

  No after-party, no snacks, no nothing. No drinks even. We supplied the booze.

• 1:12Sam Morril?

  Nothing, Netflix.

• 1:14Mark Normand?

  Come on!

• 1:15Sam Morril?

  How was the experience for you, Matt, in the audience?

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Uh, well, I got there like 5:58, and I stood outside till 8 o'clock.

• 1:22Sam Morril?

  Oh my god!

• 1:23Speaker 02

  There was one bathroom downstairs. There was like 40 people in line to go to the bathroom. That was insane.

• 1:28Mark Normand?

  Gee, the migrants have a better situation.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  I mean, I don't want to like trash production, but...

• 1:33Mark Normand?

  Trash it.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  It was pretty shitty. Like, they didn't have any organization.

• 1:37Sam Morril?

  Oh, we know. We were there too.

• 1:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:39Speaker 02

  They didn't tell anybody where to sit. There was just like, sit wherever you want. It's like, this is bedlam.

• 1:45Mark Normand?

  Bedlam.

• 1:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Mark turned to me and goes, "It's Seth Green in the front row." And then we were like, "Oh shit, it's Seth Green in the front row." We were like, "This might not be a good crowd."

• 1:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:53Sam Morril?

  This is like a celeb crowd.

• 1:55Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  It was fun. I mean, it was great guests, uh, great jokes. You guys were fantastic, of course.

• 2:01Sam Morril?

  Uh, thanks, man.

• 2:02Mark Normand?

  Tim Dillon did great.

• 2:03Sam Morril?

  Tim was, he killed it.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Biden amazing, of course.

• 2:05Mark Normand?

  Oh, Adam Ray, killed it, yeah.

• 2:07Sam Morril?

  Oh my god. I mean, uh, we went first, which is probably good, I think, but we did have some dark jokes up top.

• 2:13Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 2:14Sam Morril?

  But then, by the end, you're just like, get me out of here. I mean, I had a weird moment with Stamos.

• 2:19Mark Normand?

  Ah, we gotta talk about that.

• 2:20Sam Morril?

  That was, that was a weird moment.

• 2:22Mark Normand?

  Super weird. So it's, the show's winding down. Thank god. We've been, feels like we've been sitting on that stage for nine hours.

• 2:28Sam Morril?

  It really was close to four.

• 2:30Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 2:31Sam Morril?

  I mean, yeah, that was almost four hours with people doing pickups. That was, it was rough. And Mark and I were itching for a whiskey.

• 2:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:39Sam Morril?

  And Ms. Pat's like, didn't you already have one? We're like, I don't think you know how this works.

• 2:42Mark Normand?

  Ah, it's not a sandwich. I need multiple. Although she might need multiple sandwiches. But, you see what I'm saying?

• 2:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 2:50Mark Normand?

  Ms. Pat's great, but yeah, we're sitting there forever and we worked so hard on this. We, we flew out to LA. We got up every night.

• 2:56Sam Morril?

  We had like a week to write this, which is not a lot of time. God bless the writers.

• 2:59Mark Normand?

  We're writing every day, around the clock, just trying to perfect it, tweak it.

• 3:03Sam Morril?

  But the writers on this roast are like the unsung heroes.

• 3:05Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 3:06Sam Morril?

  Cause they have to write so much shit.

• 3:08Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 3:09Sam Morril?

  Shout out like Mike Lawrence, Dicky Egan.

• 3:11Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:12Sam Morril?

  Pat Barker.

• 3:13Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 3:14Sam Morril?

  So many good writers. Uh, Mike Gibbons.

• 3:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's a beast. So, yeah, we really worked on it. And then it sucks when you work on something super hard and then the show feels kinda half ass. So you're like, come on, we did our part, you queefs.

• 3:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they didn't know what they were doing.

• 3:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 3:30Sam Morril?

  Hopefully it came together in post. We don't know yet, but.

• 3:32Mark Normand?

  Editing is pretty magical. I mean, they put Jurassic Park together. We'll see what they can do with this, but, uh.

• 3:38Sam Morril?

  I think this would be harder to put together.

• 3:39Mark Normand?

  I think so too. Uh, they can open doors. Alright.

• 3:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, the Stamos moment was weird. The show's winding down. His segment's not going great, so I decide they're doing the People's Sexiest Man Award thing.

• 3:56Mark Normand?

  John Krasinski.

• 3:57Sam Morril?

  So the joke is he's got the award and Stamos is mad that it's not him, which is, you know, very relatable. And, uh, and it's not hitting. And I, you know, we had lines in our head that we wrote. We also had lines that like, you know, some of his writers feed us. And I'd take a shot and I go, I mean, love you, John, but you haven't been in anything memorable since Rebecca Romayne.

• 4:21Mark Normand?

  Great joke.

• 4:22Sam Morril?

  Does okay. It's not a hot crowd.

• 4:24Mark Normand?

  No, the crowd was tough.

• 4:24Sam Morril?

  Does okay. And he gets fucking angry. Like he, something changed in him when I said that.

• 4:30Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 4:30Sam Morril?

  And it turned into something where he's like, that joke's been done at the Bob Saget roast. And I was like, I mean, that was 15 years ago. I didn't, I'm sorry. I didn't know. It was a line I was fed by a writer. I can't say that. So now he's like basically been like, this guy's a joke thief to the crowd. There's not a lot you could do. Ends with me being like, what is that? All right. I'm like a little thrown.

• 4:54Mark Normand?

  It was wild. I thought you guys were gonna come to blows.

• 4:56Sam Morril?

  I know. And then he goes, uh, well, this guy's career is dead, which is like the most LA.

• 5:00Mark Normand?

  Well, you said he's dead. He goes, who's dead? And you go, Bob Saget.

• 5:03Sam Morril?

  Saget. I'm like, that's like, that's how long ago it is. And he goes, this guy's career is dead and it gotta pop. And I was just like, that gotta pop? I was like, what the fuck? So it was weird and you can't really bounce back from just being called a thief.

• 5:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:19Sam Morril?

  It was a weird moment.

• 5:20Mark Normand?

  It was super weird and you can't throw the-

• 5:22Sam Morril?

  None of it's gonna make it, I hope. It was weird as hell.

• 5:24Mark Normand?

  It's all on the cutting room floor, but you can't throw the writer under the bus, but you also, you're also going back and forth with John Stamos. I mean, that was not on my dance card. I did not see that coming when we were working on this. Yeah.

• 5:37Sam Morril?

  And it was already, we were already exhausted. And I was like, that was fuck. Tim Dillon looked at me like, what the fuck? Tim Graham be like, why was he so angry?

• 5:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that was crazy.

• 5:47Sam Morril?

  That was weird.

• 5:47Mark Normand?

  I think he's been the butt of a joke for forty years and I think he took it all out on you.

• 5:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, it was weird.

• 5:54Mark Normand?

  But man, does he look great.

• 5:56Sam Morril?

  He looks good.

• 5:57Mark Normand?

  He's a full head of hair, handsome, so be.

• 6:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he split his pants and all the girls went crazy. Must be nice.

• 6:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I really wish we did that in New York or Chicago or like, uh, fucking San Diego.

• 6:13Mark Normand?

  Anything.

• 6:14Sam Morril?

  Just get real people in there.

• 6:16Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 6:17Sam Morril?

  I mean, look, I feel like we did, uh, pretty well.

• 6:20Mark Normand?

  We did, we did well, we did our part.

• 6:23Sam Morril?

  But you know, we, we ran the shit out of this.

• 6:26Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 6:26Sam Morril?

  You need more than a week's notice to roast a concept. It wasn't, we're not roasting a person, we're roasting a year. It's a very strange thing.

• 6:35Mark Normand?

  That's what the show was, it was a concept. There was no hard, clear, uh, agenda. It was just like, we'll, we'll figure it out. That's what the show should be called. We'll figure it out. But we got through it and we got a story out of it. Stay most. We got yelled at by a hobo. We did black, uh, black Sundays or what is it called?

• 6:53Sam Morril?

  Chocolate Sundays.

• 6:54Mark Normand?

  Chocolate Sundays. That was fun.

• 6:57Sam Morril?

  LA, it's, it's never, it's never boring.

• 7:00Mark Normand?

  No, no, it's a wild town, baby.

• 7:02Sam Morril?

  It's always interesting.

• 7:03Mark Normand?

  Tinseltown, La La Land.

• 7:05Sam Morril?

  God damn, that was, it was a weird night.

• 7:08Mark Normand?

  Yes, to say the least.

• 7:09Sam Morril?

  No gift bag?

• 7:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, come on. What is that?

• 7:15Sam Morril?

  How about like a varsity jacket I'm never gonna wear? Netflix? Come on.

• 7:18Mark Normand?

  VH1 gives you a gift bag.

• 7:20Sam Morril?

  Fucking sinking. They're like, here's, you know, a candy bar.

• 7:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Comedy Central got you a candle.

• 7:25Sam Morril?

  That's right.

• 7:27Mark Normand?

  Crazy.

• 7:27Sam Morril?

  Comedy Central will give you good gifts.

• 7:29Mark Normand?

  Netflix is playing fast and loose. I mean, they gotta, they gotta step it up there, flicks.

• 7:34Sam Morril?

  People, people will probably watch it, but you know, Comedy Central, no one watched, but you get a pair of Jordans.

• 7:39Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 7:40Sam Morril?

  You know?

• 7:41Mark Normand?

  Hulu, you hear that? Gift bag.

• 7:44Sam Morril?

  Gift bag.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  It was a weird crowd, though. There was a lot of older people.

• 7:47Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 7:48Sam Morril?

  I mean, dude, fucking Mr. Magoo was in the front row. What was that?

• 7:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, the Monopoly guy. Yeah, Adam Ray got there because the two guys from the Muppets are here.

• 7:57Sam Morril?

  That was good.

• 7:57Mark Normand?

  That was good. It had to be said.

• 7:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what, what crowd was it? I mean, it was definitely a lot of industry people. Notoriously, the worst laughers.

• 8:06Mark Normand?

  And hot girls and celebrities. Not a great batch for stand-up laugh reactions.

• 8:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah, like, these are hard-honed jokes. We're looking at the crowd, there's women texting. We're like, oh, good.

• 8:17Mark Normand?

  I know. At least it was some eye candy there. I was so bored on that stage.

• 8:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Seth Green. By the way, I'm next to Mark. We're backstage. We've had a few. And Mark goes, Seth Green is so short. And I'm like, he's right next to us.

• 8:30Mark Normand?

  Ah, yeah, he's a little guy.

• 8:31Sam Morril?

  He definitely heard you say that.

• 8:33Mark Normand?

  Ah, well, it might have gone over his head.

• 8:38Sam Morril?

  He was, he's tiny.

• 8:39Mark Normand?

  Sweet guy, though.

• 8:40Sam Morril?

  He was so nice.

• 8:41Mark Normand?

  There was a moment, I was like, I'm talking to Seth Green.

• 8:43Sam Morril?

  He's such a nice guy, yeah. He's been around forever.

• 8:45Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Can't hardly wait. Austin Powers, saw in the theater.

• 8:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 8:49Mark Normand?

  Robot Chicken.

• 8:50Sam Morril?

  Now, you know Colin Quinn was supposed to be Scott Powers.

• 8:53Mark Normand?

  Wow, that would not have worked.

• 8:55Sam Morril?

  It would have worked.

• 8:56Mark Normand?

  Ah, the kid?

• 8:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's why it's funny.

• 8:59Mark Normand?

  He's too old.

• 8:59Sam Morril?

  That's why it's funny.

• 9:00Mark Normand?

  Ah, alright.

• 9:01Sam Morril?

  Because he, he, he did it in Larry Sanders, the, the shitty son.

• 9:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's true.

• 9:07Sam Morril?

  I think he could have pulled it off.

• 9:08Mark Normand?

  Alright, alright. But, yeah. Well, he's in a Woody Allen movie, too. New York Stories, I believe.

• 9:14Sam Morril?

  I don't think, that's like one I didn't see.

• 9:16Mark Normand?

  Give it a goog. But, yeah. We also got to see Derek Myers. What's that guy? Breckenmeyer.

• 9:23Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:24Mark Normand?

  Blueless fame. So it was a real 90s who's who.

• 9:26Sam Morril?

  That was a real thing where, uh, who pointed out, like, Diplo? That's the DJ?

• 9:31Mark Normand?

  Diplo.

• 9:31Sam Morril?

  I didn't know who that was, but I knew who Breckenmeyer was. I was like, that says a lot about me, I guess. I've seen Road Trip.

• 9:38Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, good point. I didn't even know who Diplo was. He's a DJ, apparently.

• 9:42Sam Morril?

  I've heard the name.

• 9:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he really fucks everybody's girlfriend. That's, that's what I know about Diplo.

• 9:47Sam Morril?

  Damn, I don't know what mine is right now.

• 9:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we, well, we've reached a new Diplo.

• 9:50Sam Morril?

  Shit.

• 9:51Mark Normand?

  But... Uh, seems like a nice game. He was sitting next to Simon Rex. It was two couple of hunks right there.

• 9:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah, good. That's what I mean though. Simon at least laughed, but that was a fucking... Why would you want an industry crowd at a... Maybe it turned out well.

• 10:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they'll sweeten. It'll be fine. But you just wanna kill and you want the work that you put in to pay off.

• 10:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:13Mark Normand?

  You know, you want to get from them what we put in. But hey, that ain't showbiz, baby. That's why the internet's winning. I can't say it enough.

• 10:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's an ugly biz, buddy.

• 10:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:24Sam Morril?

  Falling apart.

• 10:25Mark Normand?

  You gotta take control. Uh, speaking of control, alright, we're glad we got that out.

• 10:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 10:31Mark Normand?

  So watch it on December. When does this come out there, Pete?

• 10:33Sam Morril?

  January, right?

• 10:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. Oh, alright.

• 10:38Sam Morril?

  Wait, this come out before or after the Santino one?

• 10:41Speaker 02

  After.

• 10:43Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, the show's already out, so take a gander.

• 10:45Sam Morril?

  Take a gander. We did great.

• 10:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:48Sam Morril?

  They didn't sweeten the crowd. We were killing that hard.

• 10:51Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 10:51Sam Morril?

  We were just fucking ripping.

• 10:53Mark Normand?

  And him and Stamos are moving in together.

• 10:55Sam Morril?

  We're best friends.

• 10:56Mark Normand?

  So it's all gonna work out. We gotta get out of LA.

• 11:01Sam Morril?

  I fucking hate it.

• 11:02Mark Normand?

  It's like you said, we're two detectives. We're all road hard, put away wet, we're sipping scotch and crying.

• 11:08Sam Morril?

  I don't sleep. I wake up like a hitman in the hotel, like, huh. My heart's racing.

• 11:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Been there.

• 11:15Sam Morril?

  Three hours of sleep in that fucking hotel.

• 11:17Mark Normand?

  That's the worst.

• 11:18Sam Morril?

  The worst.

• 11:19Mark Normand?

  Were you just tossing and turning or were you looking at the phone?

• 11:21Sam Morril?

  Tossing and turning, and I watched, I like watched a little TV and then I, uh... I fucking, you just, I keep peeing.

• 11:31Mark Normand?

  Ah, the peeing, yeah. LA's so weird, cuz they're just holding on to this Hollywood thing. Like, you drive down Sunset, it's all these billboards for movies and TV shows, and you're like... Feels kinda over.

• 11:42Sam Morril?

  It's like if you went to a city and they forced you to speak Latin.

• 11:46Mark Normand?

  Ah, yeah, they're stuck in the past.

• 11:48Sam Morril?

  It's dead.

• 11:48Mark Normand?

  It's done.

• 11:49Sam Morril?

  There's a couple things still popping.

• 11:51Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 11:52Sam Morril?

  But it's like, overall, it's like, this ain't, this ain't the 70s.

• 11:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's like going to Dollywood. I'm like, she's over.

• 11:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 12:00Mark Normand?

  She's got a moment here and there, but it's, she's not, she's not Elvis.

• 12:03Sam Morril?

  She's, Dolly's big.

• 12:05Mark Normand?

  That's true. That's a bad example. I should've gone Graceland.

• 12:08Sam Morril?

  Graceland.

• 12:09Mark Normand?

  He's dead.

• 12:09Sam Morril?

  He's dead.

• 12:10Mark Normand?

  You hear that, you conspiracy nuts? Elvis is dead.

• 12:15Sam Morril?

  JFK's not, though. But...

• 12:17Mark Normand?

  Quite a headshot he's got. Alright. But yeah, so now we're waiting on it. We got a hot guest.

• 12:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we got a good one. I'm excited for this one.

• 12:24Mark Normand?

  I guess you saw the thumbnail already. It's not like it's a secret.

• 12:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah. I don't know. Why did we do that? People do this. You got a big guy. Could be anyone.

• 12:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 12:34Sam Morril?

  You clicked.

• 12:35Mark Normand?

  Well, we'll see. Could be late. It is LA after all. Gotta be fashionable.

• 12:40Sam Morril?

  Is it fashionable or is it just the traffic?

• 12:43Mark Normand?

  Ah, true.

• 12:44Sam Morril?

  Fashionably late, but it's like, we're late everywhere just because we're like, you know.

• 12:48Mark Normand?

  Well, remember that old Ellen joke where she yelled at the staff and then fled the country? No, uh, where she goes, uh, you ever talk to somebody and they're 25 minutes late? And you're like, what happened? They go, traffic. Like, how'd you think I got here? Helicopter in?

• 13:01Sam Morril?

  That's good.

• 13:02Mark Normand?

  It was the 80s.

• 13:03Sam Morril?

  How'd he got Kobe?

• 13:06Sam Morril?

  He was considerate.

• 13:08Mark Normand?

  He was. Uh-oh. Is this something?

• 13:11Sam Morril?

  Is this something?

• 13:12Mark Normand?

  No. Uh, it's a little blonde girl, so it could be David.

• 13:19Mark Normand?

  Hey, it's that guy.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  David in his chair.

• 13:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's got a nice chair.

• 13:26Speaker 03

  50% is here. 50% is just two minutes behind me.

• 13:30Mark Normand?

  That is not the most comfortable chair. I'm shocked. That feels more comfortable than that. I mean, I'm not...

• 13:36Speaker 03

  We don't even know it came in. It's no big deal.

• 13:40Mark Normand?

  It's a lovely chair. It's like a church pew.

• 13:42Speaker 03

  But hi, guys. Nice to meet you.

• 13:43Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  Heather, I work with David.

• 13:45Mark Normand?

  Hey, Heather. Nice to meet you. Thanks for having us.

• 13:48Speaker 03

  No, thanks for doing that.

• 13:49Mark Normand?

  Good boots. All right, we're switching out a chair. Leave all this in. This is good stuff.

• 13:57Mark Normand?

  There we go. Chairman of the board.

• 14:02Mark Normand?

  Not at all.

• 14:05Mark Normand?

  What was the, uh, what was the sporting issue? What do you think was the back?

• 14:11Sam Morril?

  I think people have back problems, dude. The body don't get better.

• 14:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. It was something when he was, uh, something to do with a, you can ask him about it, a variety show, like around 12 years old.

• 14:22Mark Normand?

  What? See, this is good stuff.

• 14:25Speaker 03

  12 to 14 somewhere.

• 14:26Mark Normand?

  Glad I asked.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:28Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 14:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy. Is it traumatizing? I don't want to trigger him.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, no, no, not at all. It's okay.

• 14:35Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 14:35Speaker 03

  It's in his act. He says...

• 14:36Mark Normand?

  Oh, all right, all right. Great. There you go.

• 14:41Speaker 03

  Where do you guys want me? Is there a spot out here?

• 14:43Mark Normand?

  Wherever you want.

• 14:47Mark Normand?

  I gotta tell you, I'm excited about this flight.

• 14:50Sam Morril?

  Oh, I'm so jealous.

• 14:51Mark Normand?

  Not because I like a flight, it's just like, that means it's done.

• 14:54Sam Morril?

  I know. Put a little bow on this shit.

• 14:56Mark Normand?

  I know. What are we gonna invent teleportation? What are we waiting for here? Let's get that cooking. This, this flying back and forth is for the birds. No pun intended.

• 15:05Sam Morril?

  Teleportation, you kill the airline industry, be beautiful.

• 15:08Mark Normand?

  That would be great.

• 15:09Sam Morril?

  But is there, is there jobs in teleportation?

• 15:13Mark Normand?

  Ugh.

• 15:14Sam Morril?

  You're killing a lot of jobs.

• 15:15Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 15:17Sam Morril?

  Be better.

• 15:17Mark Normand?

  Also, it seems like it'd be bad for you, like, ah, you get like three teleports a year. It's like smoking. You know, you can't do it all the time.

• 15:24Sam Morril?

  Fucks your body up.

• 15:25Mark Normand?

  Yes. You show up without a finger, you're like, ah, damn it, what happened? Teleport.

• 15:30Sam Morril?

  I'd get rid of a pinky if I could just teleport all the time.

• 15:33Mark Normand?

  I would too. You know, if you'd lose your pinky, you'd lose 50% of your hand strength. Give it a go. I know it sounds crazy, but that's a real, real scientific fact.

• 15:46Mark Normand?

  Pull it up. I know you don't believe me. I read it in a tweet.

• 15:51Sam Morril?

  How much percent?

• 15:52Mark Normand?

  50.

• 15:53Sam Morril?

  That can't be right. I get, maybe.

• 15:55Mark Normand?

  Significantly redu-, ah, done give you a number. 33 and 54! That's crazy.

• 16:03Sam Morril?

  Because this side, I guess, is a lot of the.

• 16:04Mark Normand?

  That's what it is.

• 16:05Sam Morril?

  That's what it is.

• 16:06Mark Normand?

  You see?

• 16:07Sam Morril?

  It's a weird jerk off without a pinky too.

• 16:09Mark Normand?

  Well, that's too regal.

• 16:10Sam Morril?

  It's too regal.

• 16:11Mark Normand?

  It's like a cup of tea.

• 16:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah. That's what the Brits are already doing, probably.

• 16:16Mark Normand?

  When I was a kid, my dick was so small, I would do three fingers. You ever do that? I still do that. What am I talking about?

• 16:26Mark Normand?

  You know what's the worst? When a girl blowing you, she tries to do the two-hander, and you're like, hey, I don't play for the Lakers.

• 16:33Sam Morril?

  The two-hander.

• 16:35Mark Normand?

  I'm on the sparks.

• 16:36Sam Morril?

  Ringing out a fucking towel.

• 16:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm on the liberty here.

• 16:41Sam Morril?

  Hey, man.

• 16:41Mark Normand?

  Hey, Dave. We got your chair, you weirdo. You might be drunk is brought to you by Perfect Jean. I got one right up my ass. Say goodbye to stiff cardboard denim like this shit. This year with the Perfect Jean. They fit like a dream, look amazing, and are comfortable, and you'll forget you're wearing pants. I like that.

• 16:58Speaker 04

  You know what? I'll tell you the truth. I wear these, not right now, because I'm suited up.

• 17:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 17:02Speaker 04

  On stage, but the rest of the time, I wear pajamas all the time. And this makes you look like you're wearing real pants.

• 17:10Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 17:10Speaker 04

  When you're wearing, actually, sweatpants is what it feels like. The most comfortable pair of sweatpants.

• 17:14Mark Normand?

  Here, here. Well said. The Perfect Jean comes in a massive range of sizes, so whatever you're packing, they've got the jean for you. I need a mini. I love these. I wear them every day. They're very nice. I just got a new pair. I can't wait to throw these puppies on. Pair your Perfect Jeans with the Perfect Tee. It has just enough stretch to hide a beer belly while accentuating your arms and chest, Doug. And they're as comfy as the jeans.

• 17:37Speaker 04

  I don't buy the tee shirt because sucking in my gut is the only exercise I get. But they do work, and they do look good. What is there? Is there a promo code or something where I can get a discount? I'm a man on a limited budget.

• 17:49Mark Normand?

  You better believe it, fatty. It's finally time to stop crushing your balls in uncomfortable jeans by going to theperfectjean.nyc. Get 15% off your first order, plus free shipping, free returns, and free exchanges.

• 18:01Speaker 04

  And I don't want to use bad language, but you know what? Fuck your khakis. Get the Perfect Jean.

• 18:07Mark Normand?

  When you use code DRUNK15 at checkout. That's 15% off for new customers at theperfectjean.nyc with promo code DRUNK15. They'll ask you where you heard about them. Support the show and tell them we sent you. Fuck your khakis and get the Perfect Jean.

• 18:23Speaker 04

  You stole my line.

• 18:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, sorry.

• 18:25Sam Morril?

  Don't let your dick become an icicle this winter. Get some sheath underwear and put it in a little pouch. Hold on a second.

• 18:31Mark Normand?

  Woo, look at that. Wear it right now.

• 18:33Sam Morril?

  Oh, shit, we both got it.

• 18:34Mark Normand?

  Hey, Doug, underwear underwear.

• 18:36Speaker 04

  Ah, yeah.

• 18:38Sam Morril?

  If you haven't...

• 18:39Speaker 04

  I wear an inferior brand. You know what? Don't get stuck with the brand.

• 18:47Mark Normand?

  What do you got, Fruit of the Loom?

• 18:48Speaker 04

  Saks.

• 18:49Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 18:50Speaker 04

  Saks never sponsored us, but I still have the leftover product. And I'm a cheapskate. Don't be a cheapskate. Get the real thing with Sheath.

• 19:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, Nut Saks. Sheath is changing the game. Sheath has two pouches, one's for your dick, the other's for your balls. Keep things cool and warm in the winter. I mean, you already saw it, we're wearing them. We love this shit. Uh, they got all kinds of colors, patterns, where some, you know, military shit, where some, uh, log cabin, you know, red flannel.

• 19:18Speaker 04

  Ooh, Garanimals?

• 19:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah. There's a...

• 19:21Speaker 04

  Where the cock and balls pouches match?

• 19:24Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 19:25Sam Morril?

  There's a one where an Asian woman's holding up your balls.

• 19:27Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 19:28Sam Morril?

  It looks pretty cool.

• 19:28Speaker 04

  Ah.

• 19:30Sam Morril?

  Go to sheathunderwear.com and use code DRUNK to get 20% off your first order, plus Sheath 100% money-back guarantee. That's sheathunderwear.com, promo code DRUNK. Get Sheath underwear, support the show, support your balls.

• 19:42Mark Normand?

  Here, here.

• 19:45Mark Normand?

  How the hell are you?

• 19:46Speaker 05

  Hey, guys.

• 19:47Sam Morril?

  Come in.

• 19:48Speaker 05

  Got that.

• 19:50Mark Normand?

  We got Google.

• 19:51Speaker 05

  Oh, is that what that is?

• 19:52Mark Normand?

  If you need to pull something up.

• 19:53Speaker 05

  Hey, pull it up.

• 19:54Mark Normand?

  Pull it up.

• 19:55Speaker 05

  Alright.

• 19:56Sam Morril?

  Hey, man.

• 19:56Mark Normand?

  We're already rolling.

• 19:57Sam Morril?

  Good to see you, dude.

• 19:58Speaker 05

  Hey, what's up? Thank you for coming. Thank you for the shit, we're blocking all the promo or whatever.

• 20:06Mark Normand?

  We sell our own hooch.

• 20:07Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:09Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 20:10Speaker 05

  I look at you, you got a picture and everything?

• 20:12Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 05

  Fuck, yeah. Oh, real.

• 20:15Mark Normand?

  We're a little hungover, we're not gonna lie to you.

• 20:17Speaker 05

  Is that the idea?

• 20:19Mark Normand?

  Well, it's a vice.

• 20:21Sam Morril?

  We did a, we did a little Netflix roast thing last night and we just did not sleep.

• 20:25Speaker 05

  Is that last night?

• 20:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 20:26Speaker 05

  That was the whole thing, was last night?

• 20:28Sam Morril?

  I wouldn't call it a whole thing.

• 20:29Mark Normand?

  It was rough.

• 20:30Sam Morril?

  It was bad, but...

• 20:31Speaker 05

  Oh, because I thought...

• 20:34Speaker 05

  We're going, right?

• 20:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, we're rocking.

• 20:36Speaker 05

  This fucking guy, he's been here for like a half hour.

• 20:38Mark Normand?

  I know, he's good.

• 20:39Speaker 05

  He's like, oh, you're gonna have a guest today?

• 20:43Mark Normand?

  He gets paid in check box.

• 20:45Speaker 05

  He got, he got like a full curve ball, then I walked in, he's like...

• 20:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 20:49Speaker 05

  No one fucking told me about this shit. Anyway, um...

• 20:52Mark Normand?

  Thought you were Argus.

• 20:52Speaker 05

  Because I went to the improv the other night and, uh, to bomb, and then they said, "You guys were after me." And so, I was like, "Oh, cool." And I was gonna stay and say hi, and then I even gave, I saved a good joke from when you guys walked in. So my last joke would be, uh, 6 out of 10, which is a high.

• 21:14Mark Normand?

  We did the, the urban show after.

• 21:16Speaker 05

  What's Kreischer doing?

• 21:19Speaker 05

  By the way, no offense, Kreischer, every guy at the airport looks like Bert Kreischer.

• 21:23Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 21:23Speaker 05

  Literally every third person.

• 21:24Sam Morril?

  Every guy in America looks like Bert Kreischer.

• 21:26Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 21:27Speaker 05

  And, uh.

• 21:28Sam Morril?

  We missed, we missed the show because we were here and we ended up doing.

• 21:31Speaker 05

  They said you got stuck at the store and then they threw someone, some busboy up.

• 21:34Sam Morril?

  We end up doing Deray Davis's show and fucking bombing.

• 21:38Mark Normand?

  We died.

• 21:39Sam Morril?

  That was our last.

• 21:39Speaker 05

  Together.

• 21:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah. We had to read our roast jokes together.

• 21:42Speaker 05

  Oh, is that it? So I was hearing about this big Netflix roast and, um.

• 21:46Mark Normand?

  I don't know about big.

• 21:47Speaker 05

  I don't know if this comes on before, after that, but when does that come on?

• 21:50Mark Normand?

  Twenty seventh. This is in January.

• 21:52Speaker 05

  Oh, so this is, will be over.

• 21:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so we can trash it.

• 21:56Speaker 05

  So we'll know.

• 21:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 21:57Speaker 05

  But, so you guys went on together and what did you wrote? You did jokes about the year.

• 22:01Mark Normand?

  The year. Stephen Hawking, Taylor Swift, P Diddy, all the good stuff.

• 22:05Speaker 05

  Okay, good. And it went okay.

• 22:07Mark Normand?

  Luigi. Yeah, we, we, we did okay.

• 22:09Sam Morril?

  The jokes were pretty good. It's in LA. It was an LA industry type crowd.

• 22:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:13Speaker 05

  You didn't do it here?

• 22:15Sam Morril?

  Uh, we did it at, uh.

• 22:16Speaker 05

  The store.

• 22:16Mark Normand?

  Downtown.

• 22:17Sam Morril?

  LA, some little tiny theater. They're like, give us a link to promote. And then there's like 250 seats and it's all agents and fucking hot chicks. It was crazy.

• 22:27Mark Normand?

  Couple of B-list celebs.

• 22:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:28Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 22:29Mark Normand?

  Seth Green, Breckin Meyer, the other guy. Diplo.

• 22:33Speaker 05

  So brutal.

• 22:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:35Speaker 05

  Ah, I'm looking at me in the monitor, so keep talking, but.

• 22:40Speaker 05

  Look at the hairs all. I just did the hair. I just got a haircut on the way here.

• 22:43Mark Normand?

  Well clothed.

• 22:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:45Mark Normand?

  Looking good.

• 22:45Speaker 05

  Fishing a little bit, that's all right.

• 22:49Speaker 05

  I fished a little bit, fucking, oh, I got a little tug.

• 22:53Mark Normand?

  We missed that show you were on because we had to apologize to Dane Cook for bumping him.

• 22:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:58Speaker 05

  Did you bump him here or over there?

• 22:59Sam Morril?

  Here.

• 23:00Speaker 05

  Oh, how'd it go?

• 23:02Mark Normand?

  He was nice.

• 23:02Sam Morril?

  He was very nice.

• 23:03Mark Normand?

  Kissed the ring a little.

• 23:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we, we showed respect.

• 23:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, he, uh, he did, uh, I talked to him recently. He was pretty cool. So, you know, God, that guy's had a fucking roller coaster.

• 23:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, crazy.

• 23:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 23:14Speaker 05

  Holy shit, if my brother doesn't give me back a hundred bucks. Try millions. I love when you hear millions like. I know.

• 23:23Sam Morril?

  What was it, 10 mil?

• 23:24Speaker 05

  I think something.

• 23:25Sam Morril?

  It's a lot of money.

• 23:26Speaker 05

  Plus, you gotta make 30 to make 10. It's. Right, right. You know what I mean? Good point. People throw around money like that, but you're like, fuck, every, all the money is so hard to come by these days.

• 23:34Sam Morril?

  Talk like this, you're gonna move to Austin, you know?

• 23:36Speaker 05

  I know. I don't know if it's that great. I mean, Austin is cool.

• 23:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 23:42Speaker 05

  But you don't escape the federal tax. I mean, there's so much going on. I mean, you're getting gunned down no matter where you're going.

• 23:48Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 23:49Speaker 05

  Yeah. So that's, I like these CEOs that are like, they're like, hey, go ahead and shoot them. Everyone's like, you know, this is a great idea. Well, if we can shoot everyone we're mad at, then let's, okay.

• 24:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 05

  Right. But no abortion. Oh, right.

• 24:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 24:04Speaker 05

  Anyway, let's look at a clip.

• 24:07Speaker 05

  We'll be right back. What a cliffhanger. So you guys, I'm running it now. So you, no, no, you guys go. I'm sorry. Whitney told me she might move there. And I was like, you have a palace here. You live in a great place with a giant infinity pool. Don't leave, you psycho. I agree. I would rather just talk about moving and not move because Tim Dillon went and he came back. Came right back. Adam Eget is still there, but he works there. Yeah. So. Begrudgingly. Yeah. I don't know if he loves Austin in particular, but it is there. Yeah. It's only so many girls to fuck. Part of the, uh, you're part of the, yeah. This is the mothership, so it's fun. At least, I mean, at least there's stuff to do. Like, in my head,

• 24:51Speaker 05

  if California gets too tricky with all this shit going on here, um, I don't know where I'd go. I'm from Arizona. I like it, but it, there's no one in sync with any sort of showbiz. There's no. Right. I can go on the improv maybe or stand up live, but where do you practice?

• 25:05Sam Morril?

  You get up a lot still.

• 25:06Speaker 05

  I just, you know what? I didn't for such a long run. And Adam Eget, I said, uh, he goes, uh, you never come to a comedy store. I go, I'm not past. I tried when I was 21. No way. And Schmitz, he said, no. You have credits.

• 25:21Sam Morril?

  Isn't it a little? The whole getting past thing.

• 25:24Speaker 05

  I know, I never went, I never went in here again. My whole life, I just drove by it every day and I was like, just in my head knowing as a comedian, nope, that's not for me. And then I never went to a show, never saw a show and wasn't practicing enough doing like a sitcom or a movie. I wasn't really working on my act the way I should be to keep up with everybody. And so, once I realized I could go on here. And then I went on a few times with the improv, it, it made it like, oh, my act is, has to be better, like. I, I kind of cobbled it together to do a corporate or to do something, but I was never on tour. And then I watched everyone, uh, like Nate Bargatze hitting a pinata full of fucking bitcoins and I'm like, wait, this guy. These guys make so much money.

• 26:08Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:09Speaker 05

  And they go on the road, but I never, in my head thought, I can't take that year off, off of showbiz, but. And then Alex, who handles me and Nate and Nikki and all these people that do great. He said, just try it, you can always cancel it. I'm not, I don't like to cancel, even spots here. No offense to Bobby Lee, but even spots here. Sorry, Whitney, but, uh, I don't like to cancel at the last second and jack them, so. I don't want to cancel a tour when people get babysitters, but they're just like, if you have to move it, move it. So luckily, no movie came up and I did a whole year tour. I didn't have to cancel, so. I kind of liked it. It was hard. You guys do it all the time.

• 26:51Sam Morril?

  I like the road, but yeah.

• 26:52Speaker 05

  The road is okay, yeah. Uh, I'm more fragile and frail, obviously.

• 26:58Speaker 05

  But I did like work in my act and take it more seriously and just like, really. It was scary at first and then, um, plus if more people are coming in a theater, I'd never done theaters. I'd always just go Irvine Improv.

• 27:11Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 27:11Speaker 05

  Do a couple nights.

• 27:13Sam Morril?

  But how did, when you work out, like, take the hit, that's special, you do, you do hidden clubs?

• 27:18Speaker 05

  God, I was just doing clubs and then I, I think I'd done SNL, so I really never went on, maybe once in SN, in SNL in New York. I didn't know any clubs to go on.

• 27:26Sam Morril?

  What?

• 27:27Speaker 05

  And I just was fucking there till 1am every night, so I didn't go on. And I think, I think Chris Rock on the weeks off would do it. Adam, maybe on the weeks off, but I didn't, I was too obsessed with trying to get sketches on and then. After that was a sitcom here, just shoot me.

• 27:43Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 27:43Speaker 05

  Oh, a couple people remember?

• 27:44Sam Morril?

  I love dude, great show, great cast, like.

• 27:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, thank you.

• 27:48Sam Morril?

  Everyone.

• 27:49Mark Normand?

  Mindy Malik, so funny.

• 27:50Speaker 05

  She's great.

• 27:51Mark Normand?

  George the Eagle, holy shit.

• 27:52Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's just her birthday. She's great. So that was a luck, that was a lucky break after SNL, but then I started doing stand up a little more, just a couple of clubs and they offered me a special back then when it was, you know, an HBO special was hard to come by, but I didn't really even appreciate it that much. I was like, okay, it was just one more thing like, yeah, yeah, let me throw it together. But I had never shown any of it, so I really had enough to do it. And then in those days, you guys know, well, you're too young, but like, what if, if I was opening or middling on the road, the headliner would do about forty five to an hour and they wouldn't change it. I'd see him a year later, it was the same. And they would just fucking drink.

• 28:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:34Speaker 05

  It's not a bad life. They would just travel. And then the next time they came, it was kind of a new crowd and then,

• 28:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 28:39Speaker 05

  but nothing new. And so I was not learning. I was not learning like, hey, you gotta rotate the shit. And then I go and do that take the hit one, which I did like.

• 28:49Mark Normand?

  That's a great special.

• 28:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's great.

• 28:51Speaker 05

  It was ten, I didn't think about a special again. They, they weren't everywhere and then Netflix sort of blew it up.

• 28:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I think Louis changed it too with all that hour a year shit that really,

• 29:01Speaker 05

  Oh, Jesus.

• 29:01Mark Normand?

  got people writing.

• 29:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, and, and to write, I, I do like writing and I think I'm a good writer. I like to try to write and, it's really just always a Rubik's cube puzzle to crack a joke, to figure out something you like. If it fucking works, it's still the best feeling.

• 29:18Mark Normand?

  But you gotta fail. I think that's why Eddie Murphy is like, I'm gonna come back. And then you're like, no, you're not, because you're gonna have to bomb for a year and a half.

• 29:25Speaker 05

  I, I agree that it's in a new world of filming and even keeping the phones in the pouches.

• 29:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:31Speaker 05

  I, I, I don't have the balls to do that yet.

• 29:33Mark Normand?

  It's a little expensive too.

• 29:35Speaker 05

  Is it really?

• 29:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's pricey.

• 29:36Speaker 05

  Oh, it is?

• 29:37Sam Morril?

  It's a pricey move.

• 29:38Mark Normand?

  Fifteen grand a show or something?

• 29:40Sam Morril?

  The Comedy Cellar just uses like,

• 29:43Speaker 05

  Zip block bags?

• 29:44Sam Morril?

  Like Staples bags or something. I'm like, this is like pretty bad for the environment.

• 29:47Speaker 05

  Bank of America, fuck it.

• 29:50Speaker 05

  It might not work in there.

• 29:52Sam Morril?

  The best is when, you, you know, they're, they're so proud of, you know, locking it up, but then the phone rings and the person can't get it open. And I'm just stuck with a fucking eh eh eh, an Amber Alert shit.

• 30:02Mark Normand?

  The kid's dying, oh shit.

• 30:04Speaker 05

  Everyone's got an Amber Alert at the same time.

• 30:08Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, so those guys are making at least fifteen grand a show? Okay.

• 30:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, easily.

• 30:13Speaker 05

  Spade's throwing off the rest of the show.

• 30:17Mark Normand?

  But you've got the commercial money coming in.

• 30:19Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, I just have. But honestly, the fact that I have any money left is just because you try to do so many things.

• 30:27Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 30:27Speaker 05

  And then most of them don't work. I have a sitcom in development right now, animated show.

• 30:34Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 30:34Speaker 05

  Two movies and all this stuff. And it all sounds good at a party when I tell everyone.

• 30:39Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 30:39Speaker 05

  But.

• 30:41Sam Morril?

  It sounds good here.

• 30:41Speaker 05

  I actually stopped telling people about 10 years ago because I'm like, first of all, I sound like a fucking asshole. Third of all, when they say, what are you up to? It's just such a weird question. Here's the stuff.

• 30:52Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 30:53Speaker 05

  Here's my CVS receipt of things in development.

• 30:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:57Speaker 05

  When they don't see one happen, it's such a weird business. And then now I used to want to do stand up to do movies.

• 31:04Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 31:05Speaker 05

  To do a sitcom and it's quietly turning into just do stand up. And these guys don't really care if they do a movie or do a sitcom. And I, it's true.

• 31:15Sam Morril?

  Because it's just too tiring.

• 31:16Speaker 05

  And it's going away. It's just too hard to get one. There's not as many.

• 31:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 31:20Speaker 05

  And there's actually just money in stand up. You just go and you get paid that night. We like that. Even when they give you a couple bucks to do a set and you get cash, you go. I love it. Nothing like actual money.

• 31:30Sam Morril?

  Taco money. I love it.

• 31:32Mark Normand?

  A guy like Bargatze, I think he would lose money if he did a movie.

• 31:34Speaker 05

  A hundred percent.

• 31:35Mark Normand?

  Stay on the road, do arenas.

• 31:36Speaker 05

  People would lose. So if you can combine it a bit.

• 31:40Sam Morril?

  Take time off, you know, like that's the time you're going to take off the road anyway. You're like, I'll make a movie. But that's also like, I remember talking to Chris Rock once and he was like, you know, you guys, you young guys do the road too hard. And he's like, you gotta make other stuff. And I'm like, we can't just make other stuff, you know? It's hard. It's a different thing, you know? Like Mark and I are trying to make a movie right now, but it's a different, it's a different, we just, I just did the thing you said at the parties. We're trying to make a movie.

• 32:07Mark Normand?

  Couple things in development.

• 32:08Speaker 05

  Don't worry, me and Theo were talking about that for two years. Theo was talking about his podcast again. I go, he shouldn't talk about it. It's not happening. Because we wrote it.

• 32:17Sam Morril?

  Doing it for a year probably, right?

• 32:18Speaker 05

  Well, first of all, the hard part is writing it. So here's me and Theo trying to get in the same room and then. Both on the road, hour Zoom here, two hours here, and then meet in LA at my house. And finally get it down, then do like another pass, but even just to get to the end. And then you go, there's a lot of problems with it, but we got to the end.

• 32:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:36Speaker 05

  And then you go, what if this guy did it? And then you go back, listen, it's not fucking inception. Let's not worry about that. It's two fucking morons in a movie. But you have to make it make sense, as long as it just makes sense. My argument is, if it makes sense, it just, people remember if it's funny or not. So all the movies I've done, no one ever said horrible, but I did like that it all made sense.

• 33:00Speaker 05

  I mean, they don't even know, I don't even know what Step Brothers is about. I don't know what Dumb and Dumber is about. I don't know what, there's movies I see and I go, what was the pitch?

• 33:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:09Speaker 05

  It just was funny. You just go, oh, look at the, no, fucking Google finally got a wake up call.

• 33:15Mark Normand?

  That's true though. Dumb and Dumber is about getting a briefcase back, but you don't even think about that.

• 33:19Speaker 05

  Right.

• 33:20Mark Normand?

  You're just like, oh, he's making funny noises.

• 33:21Speaker 05

  Oh, he's wearing a funny outfit now. Yeah. Oh, he has to go somewhere.

• 33:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 33:25Speaker 05

  Okay. And he looks ridiculous. So that's, just be funny. So there's a lot of those we were going over going, what was that one about quickly? And they're like, uh, so whatever. But this one will make sense. And then what you guys might do is same kind of thing. We saw, we sort of, he, it was more him said, let's, the future is not going to all these streamers right away. Let's just try to just make it.

• 33:51Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 33:52Speaker 05

  And then maybe just get it to the consumer, cause a lot of stuff is just like that. And then I go, I like the idea. I just don't know if I want to be the first one. Like let's, let's someone else and we figure out what they did wrong.

• 34:02Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 34:03Speaker 05

  And then we go in and, uh, but now we're just saying, fuck it. Let's, somebody came in and said, hey, we'll give you, there was people that wanted to give money. There was places that wanted to read it and we were kind of going, honestly, mostly Theo, cause I'm from half the old school and half the new one. And I appreciate what's going on right now versus before. And I'm kind of stuck in the old ways. So are all my people, you know, around me. I have a team like Taylor Swift. I have like a thousand people. No, I just have one old age and it goes, what are you doing?

• 34:35Speaker 05

  You go to Netflix. So, but I still love Netflix and I like all, you know, my last movie was Netflix. And so it was great and it did well and I was so stoked. So it's hard to let that go and go like, should we try to work it for them? But he goes, no, it'll be, let's just do it our way. No notes. And it's kind of hard because we both are in charge. And usually you have a studio Paramount, you know, on Tommy Boy, you have Paramount, and these are the movies, Black Sheep, Paramount, Lorne Michaels, or the director is brought in, you know, on Black Sheep, we got a director that was paid more than me and Farley. So now suddenly we have a boss that we didn't really have on Tommy Boy.

• 35:16Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 35:17Speaker 05

  And she's saying, I know what's funny for you guys.

• 35:19Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 35:20Speaker 05

  And you go, oh, so these are the things that you can run across, even though everyone means to do well, studio notes, TV note, everything is, you always hear these stories. I would just rather tune it out and say, do we have the wherewithal to do this? And then, if it works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't. But at least, we did it. And then, you go on from there. But it is really fun, like, a bit where it's like, a long bit where you have to crack every code.

• 35:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:46Speaker 05

  What do we wear? What are we doing? Does this make sense? Is this funny? Is this stupid?

• 35:50Mark Normand?

  Well, it's bittersweet, because if you're in control, you have to do all the work.

• 35:54Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 35:54Mark Normand?

  If Netflix has some control, but they do all the filming, the editing, the production, they have grips and all that. I don't know how to do any of that.

• 36:01Speaker 05

  Exactly. That's what we're learning. And Theo hasn't really done.

• 36:06Mark Normand?

  Anything.

• 36:06Speaker 05

  Anything. I mean,

• 36:09Speaker 05

  you know, the thing is,

• 36:10Mark Normand?

  He's talking to Trump.

• 36:11Speaker 05

  He has stand-up that works, and he has a podcast that works really well.

• 36:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:14Speaker 05

  So he's coming in with confidence, but he also knows this is scary, because

• 36:18Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 36:19Speaker 05

  it's so almost uncontrollable. It's too overwhelming. There's so many, so many ways to fuck it up. And I like those when they hire me for Netflix and I walk in, where does fucking spade go?

• 36:30Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 36:31Speaker 05

  Put your hat on, turn to cry.

• 36:33Mark Normand?

  That's catering, craft service.

• 36:34Speaker 05

  But yeah, even those grownups movies, like, we give Adam ideas, and then we just see if they show up in it, because someone has to make the final call.

• 36:41Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 36:42Speaker 05

  So, on that one, Adam. So I go, what if this guy did this? Or what if you said this? What if this? And then, at the end of the day, you get there and you go, shut the fuck up and do it. Because it has to move along.

• 36:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 36:54Speaker 05

  And you can't talk about it forever. You have to go, go, go. And those movies are fun. Sometimes, like in grownups, you'd huddle up after a scene and go, hey. What if Kevin James said this and Adam would go, that's funny. Actually, you say it or someone would say this. And he would spread jokes around. So it would be kind of fair in a weird way, but we all think of stuff like if you guys are on a movie, you think of stuff the whole time.

• 37:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 05

  And then someone, he was delegating, but we knew that because Adam's in the scene. He's right there. And it's easier than us arguing or, you know, you don't know. It's better to have one person pick and sometimes it's Lauren. You're on SNL and they go, Lauren didn't like that. You're like, fuck, you know, you can gripe and grouse, but the truth is.

• 37:37Sam Morril?

  And you find that out at like rehearsal that he didn't like it?

• 37:40Speaker 05

  Is that at SNL?

• 37:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 37:42Speaker 05

  Yeah. You find it out. Um, when someone goes, Lauren doesn't like you.

• 37:50Speaker 05

  They would say Lauren would pick someone each year to not like. I go, that cannot be true, even though it seems true because someone would just feel like an asshole all year. But Lauren did like me when I was there, but I just couldn't get anything on. I think Al Franken, I didn't really think I was hilarious, which.

• 38:05Sam Morril?

  Us either.

• 38:06Speaker 05

  Understood.

• 38:06Sam Morril?

  He did our pod and he was like, every joke, he's like, try the veal.

• 38:09Speaker 05

  Ah, geez. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

• 38:13Speaker 02

  No, yes and nothing.

• 38:15Speaker 05

  I mean, listen, I give it to him because he was part of the original SNL and then I was sadly, I don't think he loved the new guys coming in. And it was, of course, it was upsetting.

• 38:26Sam Morril?

  That's how it works. New people, that's how shows like that, we can't just keep the same cast forever.

• 38:31Speaker 05

  Yeah. And I'm no genius, but you know, don't take it out on me. Take it out on Sandler and Farley. It was too many, you know? And I think with me, he could kind of go, maybe I can keep this guy fucking, uh, which.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  Oh, right.

• 38:44Speaker 05

  And I get along with him now, but I just thought at the time I was told someone finally went up to me and goes, dude, he doesn't like you.

• 38:49Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 38:49Speaker 05

  And I was like, oh my God.

• 38:51Sam Morril?

  That's gotta feel weird because that environment's already stressful as hell.

• 38:55Speaker 05

  Yeah. And at least it, and then everything sort of clicked. And they're like, when they're picking sketches, you know, even Lauren Downey, Smigel, those guys liked it. He'd go, ah, come on, what are we doing here? And they go, okay. And I go, well, don't roll over, fucking fight for me. But there's too many people. I was just there.

• 39:12Speaker 05

  Three months ago, whenever this airs, or two weeks ago. So I was there two weeks ago and they called me on a Friday at one, because Dana Carvey's there. And Dana goes, I think they're gonna, they're gonna do this sketch about church lady. Sort of what you guys did, like what happened this year and who was misbehaving. And he goes, I said, what about Hunter Biden? Because Spade always says, why don't you do Hunter Biden on the show? So he goes, do you want to come? I think they're gonna ask you. And I go, when would it be? And he goes, tomorrow's show? And I go, oh, well, I'm at McDonald's. And so then Lauren's office called and said, you want to come out? Can you get a 3:30 flight? I go, impossible, not at all. It's one.

• 39:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 39:53Speaker 05

  And the way flights work.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  And I turned into a neighbor godsey joke. So I went to, I went and got in at one in the morning and then I, they didn't even tell me the script, nothing. They just said, just try to pull off some semblance of Hunter, we'll throw a wig on you.

• 40:08Mark Normand?

  Jesus.

• 40:10Speaker 05

  And then Dana had seen it that night and said, we were practicing it at midnight and it's way too long. We're just gonna chop it down. So anyway, you could get there and get caught. This reminds me of my old days, like what if I go there?

• 40:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 40:22Speaker 05

  And they go, it's just too long, sorry. I'm like, sorry, what? They're like, go back home, sorry.

• 40:26Sam Morril?

  Al Franken's in the back like, no, it's not, it's not working.

• 40:30Speaker 05

  No, I sound like I'm trashing Al. I just, listen, if he doesn't think I'm fine, that's okay. It just wasn't what I wanted to hear at my.

• 40:36Mark Normand?

  I don't know if I'm supposed to say this, but I did a show at Gaffigan. And he's been doing the Tim Walz, or he was during the election. And I was like, how cool is that? He's like, I'm losing roadwork. Like I'm losing money and they pay you like four grand or something. This is crazy. It's cool to do, but.

• 40:50Speaker 05

  That's, I mean, SNL, like this one was not a money thing, but it was definitely really fun to go in. Plus we talk about it a lot and then, and it was fun with Dana and church lady. I always thought it was funny. And so I just did it. It wasn't even some huge impression, but it was, you know, you run in there, you get a wig, they're fitting there, taping your hair. They're like, go, go to fucking, and then I see all the other cast and.

• 41:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:11Speaker 05

  And then.

• 41:12Mark Normand?

  Did the snorts and fake lines.

• 41:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, dude, oh, this is where you used to do lines. And then go to my old dressing room.

• 41:20Speaker 05

  Go to the bathroom. This is where you used to throw up before the show.

• 41:23Mark Normand?

  Do you get back there and go, thank God I'm not in this world anymore?

• 41:25Speaker 05

  No, it does give me anxiety, which I wish we had that word back then. Fuck, I would say it every day. We just didn't have it. You know what's funny? You're a kid. You just can't blame everything on everything. You're just like.

• 41:36Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 41:37Speaker 05

  Hey, it's a scary show. It's tough. I don't feel great today. That was it.

• 41:40Mark Normand?

  That's why everyone just drank heavily back then because they didn't know what anxiety was.

• 41:44Speaker 05

  Yeah, they knew how to do it.

• 41:45Mark Normand?

  Or therapy.

• 41:46Speaker 05

  Or eat. Yeah.

• 41:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:48Sam Morril?

  When you do make a movie like Tommy Boy, does that just come together by Lauren being like, you guys should make a movie? Like, what's the process?

• 41:56Speaker 05

  You know, pretty lucky just being there. I wasn't even doing that much on the show. I was never, I was never in any year had like a huge year. It was always just chipping away at writing, trying to get in a few lines. Getting in there more, you know, Farley came out of the gate, great, but everyone knew it when he came in. A Sandler clicked right away. Chris Rock had his whole thing when he got there. So Schneider actually did well pretty quickly, but it was very hard to just sit there in the sidelines and keep trying to get a few lines or I had Dana Carvey. He was great. He's too good, you know?

• 42:27Mark Normand?

  He's the best.

• 42:27Speaker 05

  And they're like, you're gonna be here for when Dana craps out. I'm like, by the way, Dana's still doing it as of last Saturday. So I go.

• 42:38Speaker 05

  I don't want to pull the Aaron Rodgers three years.

• 42:42Speaker 05

  You're gonna be great one day. And I'm like, well, so with Farley, I had done a little more, but it was more about around the office and making fun of him and laughing. And we just always had a good time. He would always go, you even make fun of me, say something about, he just thought it was so funny.

• 42:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 42:57Speaker 05

  And so we would all obviously shit on each other and, and then when Lauren said, hmm, make a movie about these two, because he had a deal at Paramount. And so for a summer movie, they're like, what do you got, Lauren? He's like, you have too many good things happening. He's like, oh, right. I'm supposed to. They just did Wayne's World or something. Well, maybe get these two and two of the writers. Bonnie and Terry Turner could write out a rough idea for these two, so.

• 43:23Mark Normand?

  It's a good script.

• 43:24Speaker 05

  So they wrote, yeah, they wrote it and it was called Billy the Third and a Midwestern. It's kind of funny, a little tagline, right?

• 43:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I like that.

• 43:34Speaker 05

  And then we were going to shoot it that summer and Fred Wolf came in to help it and make it better. And, uh, and then they were Sandler's and Billy Madison. And so we had to change the name. We were like, oh my God, of all names, so his was coming out first, so.

• 43:52Speaker 05

  Tommy Madison wasn't an option, I guess we should have thought of that.

• 43:56Mark Normand?

  Happy Madison?

• 43:58Speaker 05

  Yeah, that came later, but I, I agree that, uh, it was, we were like, shit, we'll change it. And then we just could not think of a name for the fucking movie. And Brian Denny, I think, kept calling him Tommy Boy and, uh, and then when they told me Tommy Boy, I go boo. Cause I wasn't, I still liked the old one and I, I just didn't know if that would be any good. It didn't sound like any movie I'd ever seen. Didn't sound like Caddyshack.

• 44:22Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 44:23Speaker 05

  No, it didn't sound as cool, but that worked out. But then the next year they just go do another one. This is the first time, this is how easy I thought it was. Lauren's like, okay, Tommy Boy's doing great, so, um, next year, another one, Chris, you too? We're like, he's like, ooh, ooh. Yeah, yeah, boss. So we're like, Fred writes Black Sheep. And then, um, we got a director and, uh, and then it was Greenland and it wasn't even finished. It was just like, they're gonna write it and you're gonna shoot it next summer. I'm like, and then you just think how hard it is to get movies in the real world.

• 44:58Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 44:58Speaker 05

  Cause then I think the next summer he goes, you wanna write a Gap Girls? I'm like, no. Even though I thought, ah, just do another one next year, whatever, whatever my choosing. But it was really like lightning in a bottle, window shutting, you know, you don't know. And then I leave the show and there's no point to doing any sketch ones anymore really. And luckily got on Just Shoot Me and then luckily whatever other shit happened. But it's, it's just, I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm still talking.

• 45:26Mark Normand?

  Well, you're at the mercy, back then you're at the mercy of like, I gotta get a gig.

• 45:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:29Mark Normand?

  Now I feel like you can do your own shit.

• 45:31Speaker 05

  Well, now I can do stand up.

• 45:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 45:34Speaker 05

  As hard as it is, I'm fucking late in the game, cause man, it is a beating to go out there.

• 45:40Mark Normand?

  But when it works, it's fun.

• 45:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, and when it works, it's great. I mean, the shows itself are fun. I feel like I'm doing something. You feel like you're good at something, if it works. And then.

• 45:49Sam Morril?

  And you got your voice so down. I mean, your voices.

• 45:51Speaker 05

  I think so.

• 45:52Sam Morril?

  I hear, I hear one of your jokes, I'm like, that's a spade joke.

• 45:54Speaker 05

  Oh, good.

• 45:55Sam Morril?

  Like dry and kind of sarcastic and self-deprecating. You just know a spade.

• 45:59Speaker 05

  Stanley used to call me and he goes, hey, have you seen this comic? I go, and he goes, he's doing you. And I'm like, that's a thing? You can do that? It's just like, over the years, no, they're just doing your fucking shit. I go, what is my shit? Because, you know, that's the thing about lately, my stand-up, I'm trying to tell more stories because stories are really the, the only way it's your fingerprint where this is just what happened to me and my version of it.

• 46:24Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 46:25Speaker 05

  My take on it. But if you say, you know, when I used to go open or middle, I throw middle in there. Because I got an assignment, I was a middle, and I wasn't even ready to headline. Then they go, you should go headline on the, on the weeks off. I go, and do what, how, 40 minutes? So how do I take 25, Google? How do I take 25 and make it for you?

• 46:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:45Speaker 05

  You go to the crowd.

• 46:46Mark Normand?

  So who was doing you? Jay Pharoah?

• 46:49Speaker 05

  No, there was, I don't know, there was, and, and one was a girl.

• 46:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, interesting.

• 46:54Speaker 05

  But it was funny, take, just the idea of like, it could be something, because I was always a research paper of like, Kevin Nealon and Dennis Miller, everyone I liked, Seinfeld, everyone I saw, you just start steering your style from just comedy and quotes. It's like music when girls are like, I like a guy that's funny. It's like, well, what, what kind do you like?

• 47:15Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 47:16Speaker 05

  Because there's so many kinds, it has to sync up. So, do you like R and B? Do you like rock? So with comedy, it's like, this kind I like. I started to hone it. I started to think that that was funny. And then I started to write it. Writing, writing part of it is tough, too. But some of these, some of these stories are funny. And then if you, I did a joke, I was saying when I was on the road in this. This headliner, right before I brought him up, he goes, you're going before me? I go, and he goes, no Jeopardy jokes, no Wheel of Fortune. But while he's doing my whole act, I'm like, uh huh. And he's like, no, this, no, this, I'm like, he goes, I do all that shit. And I'm like.

• 47:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 47:53Speaker 05

  Oh, in a funny, uh, coincidence, so do I. So I literally had a Je- not only I have a Jeopardy joke, I had a play school fucking xylophone.

• 48:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, jeez. Good times.

• 48:06Speaker 05

  Lost all respect.

• 48:07Mark Normand?

  We gotta wrap this up.

• 48:10Speaker 05

  And I go like this, bing bong.

• 48:13Mark Normand?

  That was the seventies, you know, it was a different time.

• 48:15Speaker 05

  When I, my buddy lived at Columbia and Vic Henley, this old.

• 48:20Mark Normand?

  We know Vic.

• 48:21Sam Morril?

  We knew Vic, yeah.

• 48:22Speaker 05

  So Vic, shockingly for being a go-roper from fucking Alabama or wherever you're from, he wound up in Arizona. So I met him and then we lived together for a year.

• 48:32Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 48:33Speaker 05

  And he had a gacked out roommate. His roommate was so gacked out, I remember when Vic was gone, I was kind of scared of him because he was so fucking, and he had all this cola. And he's like, you're fucking doing something tonight. And he was like tweaking and I'm like, you know, it's, I would love it. It's just at this juncture right now, I have to kind of go over here and do this. I just, it's like, I had a whole day the next day and he fucking trapped me in the kitchen and he's like, do this fucking line. I'm like, dude, I can't, and he was like, gonna beat, he goes, I'm gonna beat the shit out of you.

• 49:04Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 49:05Speaker 05

  Fucked up, he's all fucked up and I was like, I did it.

• 49:09Speaker 05

  And then it was over, he's like, all right, and then he went and watched TV and I'm like, no, what now? I fucking was like, jomine, yeetidididily. I walked around the apartment complex 3,000 times, next day ruined, go to sleep. I was like, and it was literally.

• 49:27Speaker 05

  Anyway, so.

• 49:30Speaker 05

  I go, this is supposed to be fun, it's not fun when you have a gun to your head. And then he, and then immediately the fun was over for him, once I did it. So I escaped my pounding. By the way, the Comedy Store basement, little dank. Now, I didn't, I wasn't expecting miracles. I just, I'd never been down here to see where the bodies are buried, but this is just a ghost of a Polly Shore handjob from 1991.

• 49:56Mark Normand?

  There's so many rooms, it never ends.

• 49:58Speaker 05

  I didn't know, this is.

• 49:59Sam Morril?

  Was there pressure on, on your cast at SNL to get fucked up? Was everyone drinking and partying so much?

• 50:04Speaker 05

  Actually, less.

• 50:05Mark Normand?

  Plus Farley's.

• 50:06Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:06Speaker 05

  I think Farley took it upon himself to keep the traditions going because we, it was too valuable of a job.

• 50:16Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 50:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:17Speaker 05

  Sandler was never a big drinker, Chris Rock, never. And it was more, everyone was so lasered in on the job going, because the word around there was you're about to get fired. And we still talk about that word. Even today, you can ask Sarah Sherman, anyone there, they're like, I think I'm gonna get fired. Because you just don't know, and you're never doing quite good enough in your eyes, and you're in that bubble of the, you know, you do the show like I did last week, and then you don't know anything until you leave, and then someone's like, oh hey, I saw you then. I'm at the airport, the guy's like, oh, I saw you do Hunter Biden last night. You did?

• 50:50Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 50:50Speaker 05

  Because you forget that it goes out to the whole world, and then it's on TikTok, and it's on, you know, whatever, Yahoo News. So if you're there over and over, it's just like a little click. But we didn't drink. The question is, we didn't drink and get too fucked up unless maybe the week's off or the after-party, because we had to be, I knew I had to give every possible way to be good on that show.

• 51:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 51:16Speaker 05

  And I was falling apart anyway, because the stress of just like, losing weight and feeling like shit, just eating pizza all day. We didn't know what carbs were. This is, honestly, I swear to God, I did not know what carbs were. It was just pizza, probably not great for you.

• 51:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:30Speaker 05

  Pizza, spaghetti at night. Not a water bottle inside. You know what I mean? Like, my dad hasn't had a glass of water in 22 years. There's people that do not drink water and then you're like, you need about three gallons a day.

• 51:44Sam Morril?

  It went from nothing to just, I have to drown.

• 51:47Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 51:47Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 51:48Sam Morril?

  Who were the hosts that were awesome and who sucked? Like, as a human, I mean?

• 51:54Mark Normand?

  Still got beef with Eddie Murphy?

• 51:55Speaker 05

  I don't.

• 51:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, good.

• 51:57Speaker 05

  I don't. I'm gonna have to see him at the 50th.

• 51:59Mark Normand?

  Come on in, Eddie.

• 52:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'd like to see Eddie do stand-up again. I mean, that would be fun, but I, I think it would be hard for Eddie, like you said, to just practice.

• 52:09Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 52:10Speaker 05

  No one gave a shit back in the day. He's in New Jersey, wherever he lives, and just doing clubs.

• 52:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 52:15Speaker 05

  No one knows what's going on and now it's just too, it's too much news.

• 52:19Sam Morril?

  It's, if he comes in here, it's news.

• 52:21Mark Normand?

  Exactly. Every phone comes out.

• 52:23Sam Morril?

  Yeah, how did, at that level, how do you work out? I, I guess you can't.

• 52:28Speaker 05

  Chris, I mean, everybody, like Chappelle, like.

• 52:30Sam Morril?

  But Chris will pop into the cellar.

• 52:31Speaker 05

  Right, but it's still, do they have to put their phones in a bag?

• 52:36Mark Normand?

  Everyone does, yeah.

• 52:37Speaker 05

  When Chris comes in?

• 52:38Mark Normand?

  No, no, just default.

• 52:40Sam Morril?

  As you walk in.

• 52:41Mark Normand?

  That's the new thing there. It's kinda nice.

• 52:43Speaker 05

  I know that.

• 52:43Mark Normand?

  Come by. We'd love to have you. Say the N-word.

• 52:46Speaker 05

  I did figure out finally that a way to call the cellar and get in and so I was like, oh.

• 52:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, come on.

• 52:51Speaker 05

  Cause I was, but if you don't know anyone, I'm just gonna walk in and how dare I try to bump or something?

• 52:56Mark Normand?

  Just shoot me. Great show. Throw that around.

• 52:59Speaker 05

  I throw in lost and found.

• 53:03Speaker 05

  The guy Kuzco's here from Emperor's New Groove, he said.

• 53:08Speaker 05

  Fucking C's part.

• 53:11Mark Normand?

  Well, you never know. I mean, didn't Dana Carvey went viral online for just doing a Biden? Is that where SNL plucked?

• 53:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:17Mark Normand?

  Figured, that's incredible.

• 53:18Speaker 05

  Well, we were doing the, uh, our stupid podcast and we, and we were joking that they never do Biden or any other show. And, and he goes, I think I kinda got a hook on Biden. He would do a little bit, then he had a new one, then he's like, and furthermore, and see here, and here's the thing.

• 53:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 53:35Speaker 05

  And then he started doing it and just doing that, we did that and we talked about Fauci.

• 53:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, right.

• 53:40Speaker 05

  And I mentioned something about the border. And just that, you forget that people are so used to hearing this one.

• 53:49Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 53:50Speaker 05

  I think we're supposed to talk about everything. And I just said, it was something about COVID, of course. And I said, I knew it was kind of a scam because if they're letting everyone in the border and they don't give them a shot, then what am I worried about? Like, if it was so scary. Legal, illegal, you have to get a shot if you're coming in here.

• 54:06Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 54:06Speaker 05

  And if they're not, I'm like, I can't go to work? That's all I said. I go, there was something sketchy going on. And that was six million views in one second. I was like, whoa, what happened? They're like, and then half the people are like, fuck you. I'm like, fuck me? What? What am I saying?

• 54:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:22Speaker 05

  And then Dana goes, he goes, Fauci's like, can get a shot when you go to the airport, get a shot. We're gonna have six shots today and we're gonna shoot the fuck out of you.

• 54:31Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:32Speaker 05

  And just being funny like that, again, people flipped out and we're like, is this really controversial to make fun of? You're supposed to make fun of everybody.

• 54:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:41Speaker 05

  You can't just praise everyone.

• 54:43Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 54:43Speaker 05

  So then he said Biden, he's like, and he made fun of Biden and then we did that a few times. And then, you know, he makes fun of Trump and no one says anything, but he makes fun of Biden and we got mad. And so then we're like, we're doing both, we're doing both.

• 54:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's what you should do.

• 54:57Sam Morril?

  I think it's good for SNL that they're doing both now.

• 54:59Speaker 05

  It was good. Then they saw Biden, they said, why don't you come out and do it?

• 55:02Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 55:03Speaker 05

  And he was like, oh shit, yeah, because it was getting funnier. And I said, Dana, we should put up a podium and just do like a little sketch about it.

• 55:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:11Speaker 05

  It's funny, you know, you're just doing it right here, but put a wig on you or something. Anyway, they brought him out, did it. It was kind of a good, you know, way to do it. And then, uh, and now he's doing a lot of stuff out there.

• 55:22Mark Normand?

  Oh, great.

• 55:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, fun.

• 55:23Mark Normand?

  Again, why the internet is great because they would have said, no, you can put it online yourself.

• 55:28Speaker 05

  But you know, they had to see that it worked. Somebody, somebody liked it. It started to work.

• 55:32Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 55:32Speaker 05

  Like, okay, it was like an audition in a weird way. They go, oh, that works.

• 55:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:36Speaker 05

  And, uh, he should do Fauci, but Fauci's not around anymore. But he does a lot of funny people. I mean, he's so good at just picking something and then grinding it down and getting it going.

• 55:47Sam Morril?

  Dude, we had the VHS of Opportunity Knox in my household.

• 55:50Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:51Sam Morril?

  That was my brother's favorite movie. So we watched it probably 12 times.

• 55:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, he gets a lot of people that know the old movies, you know? I think after you do, you got that?

• 56:00Mark Normand?

  I got it. Couldn't, couldn't figure it out.

• 56:03Speaker 05

  Close up of slow motion.

• 56:04Mark Normand?

  I'm very decisive.

• 56:05Speaker 05

  You're hovering over it. You're like, this fucker. And then you go, I don't want to interrupt the story, but deesh.

• 56:10Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 56:11Speaker 05

  Fucking lunar landing. Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Dana's great. Oh, I forgot.

• 56:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's great. He's always great.

• 56:18Speaker 05

  I like you two turds dressed up in tuxedo.

• 56:21Mark Normand?

  That's all photoshopped. It's not even a real tux.

• 56:23Speaker 05

  Is that real?

• 56:23Sam Morril?

  It's not real.

• 56:24Speaker 05

  Oh, you fucking.

• 56:25Mark Normand?

  We don't even own a tuxedo.

• 56:27Speaker 05

  Trick. One for one. You tricked me when I walked in. So you go up and do spots after this, or how does it work?

• 56:33Mark Normand?

  I'm flying home.

• 56:34Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah, you guys are going home today.

• 56:35Mark Normand?

  We did four last night.

• 56:37Speaker 05

  Four of these?

• 56:38Mark Normand?

  We did the show last night, but before that, yeah.

• 56:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 56:40Speaker 05

  Oh, whore.

• 56:41Sam Morril?

  We were running into the ground, man.

• 56:42Mark Normand?

  We worked way too hard on this.

• 56:43Speaker 05

  It's hard. If you get someone that doesn't talk, luckily I'm a fucking yapper.

• 56:47Mark Normand?

  Yap it up.

• 56:48Speaker 05

  But I yap because on ours, if people don't talk, you go, oh, and then we go, they go, you overtalk. I go, well, people aren't talking.

• 56:56Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 56:56Speaker 05

  It's very hard to think of shit, to ask people.

• 57:00Mark Normand?

  Right, it's work.

• 57:01Speaker 05

  Either they don't get asked, or whatever. You just want to sort of bullshit like you're at dinner. And I go, I don't care if people overtalk, but it's hard to keep things moving.

• 57:10Mark Normand?

  I like when people talk, because then it's less to do.

• 57:12Speaker 05

  You guys, I like you guys are both zoned out. It's good. You guys like action.

• 57:19Mark Normand?

  I thought you were Jezzleneck.

• 57:22Speaker 05

  No, I cut my hair now. He looks more like me than I.

• 57:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's got the flip.

• 57:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he flipped. He changed it.

• 57:28Speaker 05

  Mine's fucking buzzed, because in Buzz Boys, I might cut off all the sides and dye that top black. I'm just like fucking around with it and just wind up with a wig, who knows?

• 57:37Mark Normand?

  Top black. You're like a famous blonde guy. I don't think you can go dark.

• 57:42Speaker 05

  Some of the, the salt has taken over the pepper. I mean, this I just saw in the back. I thought was blonde and someone goes, it's gray. I go, what the fuck did you say? You knew it was Al Franken.

• 57:56Speaker 05

  He walked up behind me getting a little aggressive.

• 58:00Speaker 05

  That too? Jeez, I can't win.

• 58:02Mark Normand?

  We had him on this pod, and we were trying to be reverent and supportive. He's such a legend. And we played all his sketches and they all died. It was brutal.

• 58:11Sam Morril?

  He was laughing.

• 58:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:15Speaker 05

  He's funny. He used to write those political things on the show. I just was, I could see why we didn't a thousand percent sync up. I just, if I'm not popping off the page from the first minute, I was a writer there. You see people come in, you go, fuck, I want to write for them.

• 58:29Sam Morril?

  Who were the people you wanted to write for?

• 58:31Speaker 05

  Well, I mean, I could tell immediately when Adam would just have different ideas. I go, fuck, Adam really knows what he's doing. Like, different characters, super weird ideas. Smigel would go right with them. I'm like, oh, fuck. And he also gets Smigel and Downey and they all liked him. I think they liked me, but as you know, I'm more of like,

• 58:50Speaker 05

  I want to say one note because it's accurate, but it sounds bad, but it is sort of, when I was there and I liked the Bill Murray type.

• 58:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:59Speaker 05

  I felt like he was always kind of Bill Murray. He wasn't super impressed.

• 59:04Mark Normand?

  Not a lot of range.

• 59:05Speaker 05

  Yeah. So I go, I'm kind of like this. What I should have done is probably try to do Weekend Update earlier. I never wanted to.

• 59:13Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 59:13Sam Morril?

  You kind of did that.

• 59:14Speaker 05

  I did something like that and I'd go on and do it. And then I go, then it was almost too late because if I wasn't that concentrated and harsh, it's, it's like Nikki Glaser, like when she did that Amazon football thing. Do that. You know what I mean? Once they see something work, then everyone's like, do that.

• 59:34Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 59:35Sam Morril?

  You shit on so many, you shit on so many famous people. You like showbiz show and you, I mean, did, did you have to run into people around town who would be like, dude?

• 59:43Speaker 05

  Well, everyone hates it. It's just, you can't really say you don't like it because then you don't want to make an enemy of me. Because suddenly I'm this dipshit from Arizona who's 27 or something. And I'm like, you know, fucking sucks. Elizabeth Taylor. You know, it's like some huge star and everyone's like, what? And then I go, they suck. And she's looking like shit. Sleeps on her face every night. God damn dude. But then they laugh and I go, ah. So it's just basically what you say anyway around with your friends. So that, but that saved my job, you know, I wasn't

• 1:00:21Speaker 05

  doing enough. I did some sketches and they were fine, but not enough to be like, you have to be here. So when ultimately that bought me some time and then do a couple of other things and then fucking. Got out and then luckily land on something because you know that cliff you can fall off leaving SNL as you know.

• 1:00:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:41Speaker 05

  I mean, you look at the reunion, we're coming up to this big 50th reunion and they're like, here's the 900 cast. I'm like, what? There's some that want to be on our podcast. I'm like, no idea. They go, oh, they were on for 11 seasons.

• 1:00:54Mark Normand?

  Isn't that weird?

• 1:00:55Speaker 05

  But in fairness, we usually say like, your favorite casts, most people's is like, seventh grade through college, like high school, like all the time when you're fucking think it's so funny and they're doing shit you can't believe. And it's just like you talk to your friends about it and then you get distracted after that and you're out every night and.

• 1:01:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:15Speaker 05

  So, but there's a, there's a special place for people that have their cast they like. So, people come up and they go, my favorite cast is Kristen Wiig and all. I'm like, of course. They're still good people. And there was before or when we were there after, but they said we were horrible and then we believed it. Then later Will Ferrell got there and they go, no, those guys are horrible. You guys were good. And then later they're like, fuck, where's Will Ferrell? And I'm like, guys, you see what you're doing?

• 1:01:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:42Speaker 05

  This happens every time. Whoever's there now is bad.

• 1:01:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's the same with genera- these kids today, every generation says that, including us.

• 1:01:50Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm exactly what you're doing. I'm bitching about everything now.

• 1:01:53Mark Normand?

  Well, I gotta ask, personal question. So you used to skateboard?

• 1:01:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:01:58Mark Normand?

  That was my whole life growing up.

• 1:01:59Speaker 05

  Oh, for real?

• 1:02:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah. So I think you were in, was it Police Academy?

• 1:02:04Speaker 05

  Yes, sir. First movie.

• 1:02:06Mark Normand?

  First?

• 1:02:06Speaker 05

  Four, the good one, yeah. It answered the questions from one, two, and three. They did seven, by the way.

• 1:02:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, I saw them all.

• 1:02:14Speaker 05

  And they did not put me in five and I fucking flipped out.

• 1:02:16Mark Normand?

  No way.

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  I was like, where did I do so wrong?

• 1:02:20Mark Normand?

  Well, Steve Goodberg, poor man's Bill Murray.

• 1:02:22Speaker 05

  Fucking Goody put the kibosh on me.

• 1:02:25Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:02:26Speaker 05

  No, there was actually an extra on Police Academy and I, I have obviously no game. I wasn't never famous. I couldn't, no dates in high school, barely. I was always like a friend. And then college, started to stand up. But when I got on Police Academy, I'm kind of, you know, I have a trailer and stuff and one of the extras was just knockout. And so I'm like, I'm in here for 10 weeks. I have nothing to do. So I asked her to go to Bob Seger.

• 1:02:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:02:53Speaker 05

  What a fucking great concert to go to.

• 1:02:55Mark Normand?

  Night moves.

• 1:02:56Speaker 05

  Yeah. And she goes, yeah. And then I was talking to Goody.

• 1:03:01Speaker 05

  At luncheon.

• 1:03:02Mark Normand?

  The good.

• 1:03:02Speaker 05

  The two funny things were it was raining, so I just sat in his trailer and we bullshitted to lunch. And he made my whole salary while we were sitting there. Of course, I calculated it. I was like.

• 1:03:12Sam Morril?

  You got him back.

• 1:03:13Speaker 05

  Cause he got 1.9 million on that movie. I was like, what the fuck?

• 1:03:16Mark Normand?

  Back then.

• 1:03:17Speaker 05

  I'm like, for what? No offense. For what? What do you do?

• 1:03:21Mark Normand?

  He was cute.

• 1:03:22Speaker 05

  He's hot. So Gutenberg was friendly to me and we, and then he's, I said, oh, I'm going to, I go, you want to go? He goes, oh, I love Bob. Yeah, I'll go. Let me grab some skeezer. So we, we doubled. Isn't that funny? We went to Bob's.

• 1:03:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, jeez.

• 1:03:38Speaker 05

  And then my date, his date liked him and my date liked him. And it was the first time I just saw the trade up so clearly. Cause I was in the movie. I thought I was fucking hot shit.

• 1:03:48Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:03:48Speaker 05

  Turns out I was cold boogers. And she was like, fuck, this guy's so great. And so she was flirting with him clearly. And then he didn't bite and he, and he, he broed me out. I mean, if he did, he did it behind, which is better.

• 1:04:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:06Speaker 05

  But at the time he's like, no, no, dude, I'm, I wouldn't do it to you. So I liked that.

• 1:04:09Mark Normand?

  Can we pull up Gutenberg's dating history? I think he had quite a run.

• 1:04:13Speaker 05

  Well.

• 1:04:13Mark Normand?

  Him and Scott Baio.

• 1:04:14Speaker 05

  Good looking, 1.9 million.

• 1:04:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:18Speaker 05

  On the fourth one, it must've gone up after that.

• 1:04:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:20Speaker 05

  And then, nice guy, funny. I'd still see, I don't, I don't see him much, but I just.

• 1:04:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah. What's he doing now?

• 1:04:27Speaker 05

  But you were asking about the skateboarding. I, that was great. I love skateboarding in Arizona. Skating pools. We had a ramp in my backyard.

• 1:04:33Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:04:34Speaker 05

  Shittiest ramp, but we had pipes. We had, we had desert pipes. Those are the one thing we had, no one had.

• 1:04:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:39Speaker 05

  There he is.

• 1:04:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it looks good.

• 1:04:40Speaker 05

  Mahoney.

• 1:04:41Mark Normand?

  Mahoney. I mean, Tiffany Amber Thiessen, nothing like that.

• 1:04:44Speaker 05

  Really? I don't know any of these. Rumor.

• 1:04:49Speaker 05

  It's Jill Martin from fucking Quincy Jones. What are these old?

• 1:04:52Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:04:53Speaker 05

  These old.

• 1:04:54Mark Normand?

  All right, maybe I was wrong.

• 1:04:54Sam Morril?

  Elizabeth Taylor. Holy shit.

• 1:04:57Speaker 05

  Fucking Betsy Ross?

• 1:04:58Mark Normand?

  Maureen McCormick.

• 1:04:59Speaker 05

  Oh, you're joking.

• 1:05:01Mark Normand?

  That's insane.

• 1:05:03Speaker 05

  That chick's AI.

• 1:05:06Sam Morril?

  That is weird that pops up now on Instagram.

• 1:05:09Speaker 05

  I can't, if I could block my phone from AI.

• 1:05:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:13Speaker 05

  And I don't know what's anything. First of all, all the girls are AI. Second of all, I don't know, well, all the UFOs right now, I think they're real, but there's some.

• 1:05:21Mark Normand?

  The drones. You ever crank one and you're like, oh, that was a fake woman? I've had that.

• 1:05:27Speaker 05

  I crank it and it was a drone.

• 1:05:30Sam Morril?

  Oh, that was one of mine that bombed last night, the drone joke. I said, I said, usually when a guy from New Jersey says, what is that thing? He's talking about a trans person?

• 1:05:39Speaker 05

  That bombed?

• 1:05:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:40Mark Normand?

  I think it was your crowd?

• 1:05:41Sam Morril?

  It wasn't our crowd.

• 1:05:43Mark Normand?

  No, no, it was Breckin Meyer.

• 1:05:47Speaker 05

  I say, I, on SNL, I was gonna say, is it true that these drones are just, are the, the orbs are, each of them have a cast member from the nineties and they're just dropping them in the studio every week? Because we all keep showing up. Sandler was there last week.

• 1:06:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's right.

• 1:06:03Sam Morril?

  That's right.

• 1:06:04Speaker 05

  Chris was the host.

• 1:06:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he killed that monologue. It was great.

• 1:06:07Speaker 05

  Now.

• 1:06:10Speaker 05

  I go, I got a joke for you. That's all I have so far.

• 1:06:15Mark Normand?

  Superman can't walk.

• 1:06:18Speaker 05

  Is that what he says? Is that a joke?

• 1:06:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah. What's next? Hulk gonna get the gout? Aquaman gonna drown in the tub? I know his whole act.

• 1:06:25Speaker 05

  Is that what he used to say? Hulk gonna get the gout?

• 1:06:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:28Sam Morril?

  I don't remember that one.

• 1:06:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Christopher Reeves, he had a wheelchair.

• 1:06:31Speaker 05

  Has it been long enough? Can I do that?

• 1:06:34Speaker 05

  One time when I was doing standup at the beginning, I was, I was just at a local comedy club. I'd only been to one comedy club and seen someone I was absolutely fucking floored. That they did an hour. I'm like, you're, is this guy making this shit up? This is unreal.

• 1:06:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:46Speaker 05

  So I'd go, they start these shitty comedy nights in Arizona. I told Colin Quinn, I said, this was before there was a comedy scene in Arizona. He goes, you think there's a comedy scene in Arizona?

• 1:06:59Speaker 05

  Who said that? I go, you're right. So anyway, I go to this place and then I go, oh, I was telling someone what I was gonna do, because it was, you know, open mic night.

• 1:07:09Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:07:10Speaker 05

  And they go, that's pretty funny. Yeah, that's Billy Crystal. I was just listening to his album. And they go, oh, and where are you gonna do that? Up there? And I go, yeah. And I go, I don't think you can do that. I go, I think you're just supposed to get up and just try to be funny.

• 1:07:25Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:07:26Speaker 05

  I fucking had no idea.

• 1:07:27Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:07:28Speaker 05

  And I didn't do it, but I was like, I didn't know. There's no rules. No one says anything.

• 1:07:33Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:07:33Speaker 05

  Open mic nights, no one tells you one fucking thing. And I just go, it's funny.

• 1:07:36Mark Normand?

  The xylophone, too. You were really.

• 1:07:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, I sort of had a hunch.

• 1:07:42Speaker 05

  I had a, I had a Wheel of Fortune bit. It's fucking killer. Actually, I had a Tom Petty hat, and I do Tom Petty. I had a big fucking like top hat, you know. And then at the end, and then one, one time Dennis Miller, who was my favorite, I still love Dennis.

• 1:07:57Mark Normand?

  Okay, babe.

• 1:07:57Speaker 05

  I was opening for him. What did my Gleek go?

• 1:08:03Speaker 05

  Spudley. And, and I was there and I, and I was walking up front and I had the girl was standing there. It was after New Year's Eve. I had a girl standing there and I was holding it like this, waiting for the taxi. You sleep in that fucking hat, Spade? I go, oh, no, this is just, he goes, oh, I know what it is. He goes, I think it's time to lose the props.

• 1:08:26Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:08:27Speaker 05

  I go, really? He goes, you're not a prop act, dude.

• 1:08:30Mark Normand?

  All right, that's a compliment.

• 1:08:32Speaker 05

  He gave me two good pieces of advice. Told me to fucking lose the hat. Xylophone obviously goes with it.

• 1:08:37Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:08:38Speaker 05

  The whole, you know, storage unit goes, the whole storage unit act.

• 1:08:43Mark Normand?

  The whole trunk?

• 1:08:44Speaker 05

  Yeah. It was actually just small circuit. And then I did open for him and then I, it was like the, oh, the old like black and white special I opened for.

• 1:08:54Mark Normand?

  Killer special. Yeah, good stuff.

• 1:08:55Speaker 05

  And then, and then like a little later, I'm like, he sees me.

• 1:09:00Speaker 05

  It's something by the seashore in, in New York. Not Carolinas, but maybe it's something.

• 1:09:06Mark Normand?

  That was on the.

• 1:09:06Speaker 05

  There's something seaboard. And I go, and he goes, they changed your acts. And I go, yeah, I wasn't doing that good on the road. And then I, and I was actually doing hackier shit in a weird way. And he goes, no, you gotta go back to the other shit.

• 1:09:20Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:09:20Sam Morril?

  He hand you back the hat?

• 1:09:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, he goes, if you, he goes, just do the shit you're doing because um, that's innately from you. And he said, and if you, if it doesn't work, then you're just not cut out for it. But don't change it.

• 1:09:32Mark Normand?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:09:33Speaker 05

  I was like, fuck. And then I did it slowly, came back. Uh, one last thing, and then I'll let you guys talk is Bob Goldwick gave me a good piece. I opened for him and he set up. I, I remember being in Canada, no fucking Oklahoma, whatever. It was 3,000 seater, which is way too much. Even today, a club is great. But when it gets over two, 3,000, it's just hard to manage, you know?

• 1:09:59Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:10:00Speaker 05

  And so like, we did those ones with Sandler.

• 1:10:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's fun.

• 1:10:03Speaker 05

  Kind of hard to manage because.

• 1:10:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:05Speaker 05

  If there's a lag and then there's people talking over here and people getting up. And anyway, uh, it's hard to get like throwaway jokes.

• 1:10:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:12Speaker 05

  That's a lot of my act is throwaway and my whole act should be thrown away. Obviously. So, so I go in wherever I was, uh, and I do a 3,000 seater with Bob and I'm like, you guys watch Michael Jackson? You ever notice a whole, and I do my dog shit. And then I'm getting screamed at heckle the whole time. And so I feel bad backstage and he goes, why? You know what? No, I'm kidding. No, he'd drop it and talk normally.

• 1:10:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:39Speaker 05

  He goes, do you know that every bit starts with a question?

• 1:10:42Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:10:44Speaker 05

  I did not know that. And he goes, just say it. Just say Michael Jackson has new album and do your joke. He goes, you're giving them a window. You say, you guys heard the new Michael Jackson album? And they go, no.

• 1:10:54Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:10:55Speaker 05

  And every fucking joke started like.

• 1:10:58Sam Morril?

  And then you gotta be like, well, I'm still doing it. I go, I'm still doing the joke.

• 1:11:01Speaker 05

  I'm doing the joke, but I don't leave them a pause to ruin it.

• 1:11:03Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:03Speaker 05

  So I just go, I got the new Michael Jackson album. And have you noticed that? And then they can't, there's no reason for them to talk.

• 1:11:09Mark Normand?

  That's a good note.

• 1:11:10Sam Morril?

  And you're cutting fat too.

• 1:11:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, cutting fat.

• 1:11:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:12Speaker 05

  And then at the end, they just boo at the end, which is smart. It helped me. They're like, just the whole act is a boo. We're not gonna interrupt you the whole time, we're gonna save it.

• 1:11:22Mark Normand?

  Right. So these Sandler shows you guys did, was that Arena?

• 1:11:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:26Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:11:26Sam Morril?

  We did one, we did one that was like in the, that outdoor.

• 1:11:30Speaker 05

  Was it St. Augustine, maybe?

• 1:11:31Sam Morril?

  We did a couple, yeah.

• 1:11:32Speaker 05

  We did, I jumped on, yeah, everyone's kinda jumping in and out.

• 1:11:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:35Speaker 05

  It was good to see you there because you're not normally on those and.

• 1:11:38Sam Morril?

  It was fun.

• 1:11:39Speaker 05

  Super fun.

• 1:11:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:40Speaker 05

  And it's just fun.

• 1:11:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I felt a little like, I'm like, you guys all go back 30 years and I was like the only guy who wasn't a part of that, so I was like, ah shit, but.

• 1:11:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, you were like a child, we were like babysitting. No, he comes out and, and you know, Sarah Sherman came on a few, I was on, you came on, was she on that one?

• 1:11:56Sam Morril?

  No, no, I think, I think he brings one younger person.

• 1:12:00Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:12:00Sam Morril?

  And it's me or Sarah.

• 1:12:01Speaker 05

  Are you the young guy?

• 1:12:02Sam Morril?

  I guess.

• 1:12:03Speaker 05

  Anyway, um.

• 1:12:06Mark Normand?

  Compared to Schneider.

• 1:12:07Sam Morril?

  I said younger.

• 1:12:08Speaker 05

  I gave you the fucking Franken.

• 1:12:12Sam Morril?

  Try the veal.

• 1:12:13Speaker 05

  No. No, but it's funny, cause it's really fun when he's there and everyone's there and other people are there, it's, and Bula, Dan Bula is super.

• 1:12:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's great.

• 1:12:23Speaker 05

  He's on SNL writing and he's so good at it.

• 1:12:26Sam Morril?

  He's a killer.

• 1:12:27Speaker 05

  Really, just a great find, you know, cause he writes for those things, he writes for Sandler specials and he's a good, good all around dude. You know, they all wear suits on show night, all the writers, I didn't know.

• 1:12:39Mark Normand?

  I didn't know that.

• 1:12:41Speaker 05

  The please don't destroy dudes are all standing there like this.

• 1:12:43Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:12:44Speaker 05

  With all suits on, I'm like.

• 1:12:45Mark Normand?

  How do you do that?

• 1:12:46Speaker 05

  What fucking shitty bit are you guys doing in a suit? Like, no, we wear suits. Like, oh, wow. I went to the cast party, embarrassingly, like this.

• 1:12:55Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:12:56Speaker 05

  I was in my three minute sketch.

• 1:12:59Speaker 05

  It's weird to be in like one thing and then.

• 1:13:01Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:13:02Speaker 05

  I was never in a ton, but it's just weird to just know for sure. A, you're in this, and A, it's not getting cut.

• 1:13:09Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 1:13:09Speaker 05

  But B, you're in nothing else, so the energy went up and then it dies down, cause dress, it's over, and then you gotta wait two hour dress, and then another 45 till the show starts, then it goes up again, and then I gotta wait the whole show. And I go, must go to party.

• 1:13:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:26Speaker 05

  Crawl.

• 1:13:26Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:13:27Speaker 05

  Act cool.

• 1:13:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:29Speaker 05

  Must eat free linguine.

• 1:13:31Mark Normand?

  I remember the first party, SNL party I went to, I thought the drinks were free. I was like a poor open miker and I drank eight thousand Jack and Cokes and they were like, that'll be six hundred dollars.

• 1:13:41Speaker 05

  Oh, for real? I actually thought it was free too.

• 1:13:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:44Sam Morril?

  I've never been to one. I assumed it was free.

• 1:13:46Mark Normand?

  They're fun, but it's it's in some fancy steakhouse or something.

• 1:13:49Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, this was like tables and booths, but they put me in the way back. It was actually too far from the action because it was like a bar area fun. Then like a few tables and cool area where I looked for where to sit and they go, no, you're back here. And then kind of around a corner and then you could see us, but it was like Lauren's table, me, Dana and I think Sarah Sherman, but it was too far removed. Like, I kind of wanted to go out here and see everybody.

• 1:14:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:18Speaker 05

  Because cast, you know, when I went there, they'd get me and go like, all right, if Chris Rock or Schneider's here, we'll pair you up with them. You know, like you guys get a four top table. But Mike Myers would have his full table. There's always, it's always that and everything. So and then Lauren, you go up, hey, Lauren.

• 1:14:38Speaker 05

  This is UFO related. Sprint it out of here.

• 1:14:41Sam Morril?

  That was a loud.

• 1:14:43Mark Normand?

  I remember meeting Lauren, somebody introduced me to him and he had a big, he's got a big mitt. He's got quite the paws on that guy. Pull those hands up. I mean, he's like.

• 1:14:53Speaker 05

  Pull those Lauren's hands up. This is the first Google search in history of Lauren.

• 1:14:57Mark Normand?

  We lost the Google guy, but yeah, Lauren is, he's a, he's like a mob boss.

• 1:15:02Speaker 05

  That guy that sprinted out of here, where do you think he went? I like your lights are so fucking.

• 1:15:06Mark Normand?

  He had to rub one out to the has been.

• 1:15:07Speaker 05

  That is not Lauren's hand, is it?

• 1:15:09Mark Normand?

  I'm telling you, look at those mitts.

• 1:15:10Sam Morril?

  That is crazy.

• 1:15:11Mark Normand?

  It's like Joe Rogan's hand. It's crazy.

• 1:15:13Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:15:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, he could squeeze it in turn and pop them like a zip.

• 1:15:18Speaker 05

  He was great. We did this first show, you know, and then he's, we didn't talk too much about his hands, but he. I said, I go, Mark Norman thinks you have a huge dick.

• 1:15:30Mark Normand?

  I bet he does.

• 1:15:32Speaker 05

  He said that? I go, well, basically. Your hands are big, then he kinda.

• 1:15:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Well, Lauren's the man, you know, our buddy Shane Gillis got fired. You don't remember that whole thing?

• 1:15:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:42Mark Normand?

  And he still calls him like to apologize, probably like once a week.

• 1:15:47Speaker 05

  Shane, I like that Shane went back.

• 1:15:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:50Speaker 05

  It's fun, why not?

• 1:15:50Mark Normand?

  That was great.

• 1:15:51Sam Morril?

  That was good.

• 1:15:51Speaker 05

  Millionaire, yeah, why not?

• 1:15:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:53Speaker 05

  I mean, Norm went back when he got.

• 1:15:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's right.

• 1:15:55Sam Morril?

  That monologue was so good, that Norm, that Norm monologue.

• 1:15:59Mark Normand?

  The show blows.

• 1:16:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that was fucking great.

• 1:16:02Speaker 05

  I'm sure everyone's had like this, why, why do we have this fucking guy back? Or is it Shane? Norm is like on a mission.

• 1:16:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:10Speaker 05

  On a mission to ruin his life and career at all times. So he's just like.

• 1:16:13Mark Normand?

  Well, legend has it, he was in the green room with Artie Lange and he was like, you know what? Maybe I'll just walk. Like, I'll just leave them with no host. And Artie's like, that's funny, but you'll never have a career again.

• 1:16:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:16:22Mark Normand?

  So he did those.

• 1:16:23Sam Morril?

  When Artie Lange is talking.

• 1:16:26Speaker 05

  Talking sense into you.

• 1:16:27Mark Normand?

  He's the reason.

• 1:16:28Sam Morril?

  I love Artie, but holy shit.

• 1:16:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, I haven't seen Artie in a long time.

• 1:16:32Sam Morril?

  I know, I see that he's, he's the best, but.

• 1:16:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, you see him around or no?

• 1:16:36Sam Morril?

  Nah, not in a while.

• 1:16:37Speaker 05

  Not as much.

• 1:16:38Mark Normand?

  A little bit. He teaches in comedy class. Colin every night.

• 1:16:41Speaker 05

  You see Colin Quinn?

• 1:16:42Mark Normand?

  Always around.

• 1:16:43Speaker 05

  Oh, good.

• 1:16:43Sam Morril?

  Oh, constantly, yeah. Colin, it's so funny, we're running that roast set and Colin suddenly sees supportive texts like, you're gonna kill, it's so good. Then we see a tell and a tell goes, hey, I'd say you're like 70% there. We're like, well, we tape tomorrow, so.

• 1:16:56Speaker 05

  I literally thought it was in the future because I was, when I was fucking waiting on you assholes the other night, I was like, um, with my big closer.

• 1:17:05Speaker 05

  I did that with Nikki because she came in the night, a couple nights before and I go, I want to do my last joke.

• 1:17:09Sam Morril?

  I want to hear this joke.

• 1:17:10Speaker 05

  Rock her off the hinges.

• 1:17:12Mark Normand?

  Right. Al Franken hated it.

• 1:17:13Speaker 05

  It bombed. It was a new joke. I was like so happy. And then, um, but Nikki, uh, I, yeah, I saw her. She watched.

• 1:17:23Speaker 05

  But your guys, I thought it was like, maybe because it's not airing, I thought it was live.

• 1:17:28Mark Normand?

  No, thank God.

• 1:17:29Speaker 05

  I thought you were doing it like.

• 1:17:30Sam Morril?

  Oh my God, if that were live.

• 1:17:31Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:17:32Speaker 05

  It wasn't the Ace Theater, right? Was it smaller?

• 1:17:34Mark Normand?

  Smaller, it was the Bellwether. It's a 300-seat Brock Club.

• 1:17:38Sam Morril?

  And it was less people because they had, you know, the cameras. It was.

• 1:17:41Speaker 05

  It's where they have.

• 1:17:42Sam Morril?

  It felt lighter than the cellar. It was weird.

• 1:17:44Speaker 05

  Baseball card collectible meetings.

• 1:17:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 1:17:48Speaker 05

  Jeff scouted it out. Was he still the roast master that night?

• 1:17:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:17:52Speaker 05

  Oh, no one's doing that job.

• 1:17:54Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:17:56Speaker 05

  I mean, he does have a corner.

• 1:17:57Mark Normand?

  He does. He does.

• 1:17:59Speaker 05

  Tonight we have the roast master lieutenant.

• 1:18:04Mark Normand?

  We were the privates.

• 1:18:05Speaker 05

  Phil Squankmeyer. Is the general sick? Are you covering up?

• 1:18:13Speaker 05

  All right.

• 1:18:14Mark Normand?

  Hey, Simon Rex was front row.

• 1:18:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:16Speaker 05

  All right, I'm gonna have to let you guys go.

• 1:18:17Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 1:18:18Sam Morril?

  Whoa, dude.

• 1:18:20Speaker 05

  I gotta get a spot.

• 1:18:21Sam Morril?

  You're the best.

• 1:18:21Speaker 05

  You guys, thanks for having me. I think we all learned a lot.

• 1:18:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:26Speaker 05

  Learned a lot. I think you guys are both fucking hilarious and.

• 1:18:30Sam Morril?

  You too, man.

• 1:18:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, thanks.

• 1:18:31Speaker 05

  I see you more on Instagram than in real life, but I like. Always funny.

• 1:18:35Mark Normand?

  Good relationship.

• 1:18:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's good. At least I see something.

• 1:18:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, thanks for the comments.

• 1:18:39Speaker 05

  No, yeah, I do put comments.

• 1:18:40Mark Normand?

  That helps. That goes. I can show my mom.

• 1:18:42Speaker 05

  I put a comment. Sometimes I just put random ones. And this girl the other day says, just, you know, pops up in your feed. Sometimes they have 100,000, million likes.

• 1:18:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:53Speaker 05

  And I look at some and I go, this has five likes. How did it come across my desk? How did this get to my fucking phone? But she said, hey, guys. So I'm having an operation. I'm getting my butthole removed. And if you have any questions, just put them in the comments. I wrote. Self-explanatory, no further questions. It's like a million likes because everyone's like, what are you doing over here? I'm like, I don't know. I saw it. And I had to say something and then I move on.

• 1:19:19Sam Morril?

  And you blew it up.

• 1:19:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, I blew it up. Get some fucking attention. I felt bad for. Just getting your butthole removed.

• 1:19:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, how's that work?

• 1:19:25Speaker 05

  Had a million questions.

• 1:19:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:27Speaker 05

  I acted like I didn't.

• 1:19:28Mark Normand?

  Where do you poo?

• 1:19:29Speaker 05

  I go, no, I got it.

• 1:19:32Speaker 05

  You blow your nose, there's diarrhea, I get it.

• 1:19:36Mark Normand?

  Was that the closer from last night?

• 1:19:38Speaker 05

  That's my big one.

• 1:19:39Sam Morril?

  That's a seven out of 10.

• 1:19:40Speaker 05

  Fucking shit dude, that's a winner.

• 1:19:42Mark Normand?

  We missed that. I gotta text Nikki about it. How about Nikki? Geez, what a career. Golden Globes.

• 1:19:47Speaker 05

  Nikki's doing great, yeah. Golden Globes are exactly the one to pick because I think there's talk of her doing the Emmys. I think Golden Globes are the one. That's smart.

• 1:19:55Mark Normand?

  You look looser.

• 1:19:56Speaker 05

  They're gonna wait for... If you have Ricky Gervais, then it's good.

• 1:20:01Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:20:02Speaker 05

  Because they're gonna go, at least we know this world of getting shit on. And everyone's like, gonna tighten up when they walk in there.

• 1:20:07Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:20:08Speaker 05

  But I did see some of the jokes, they're great.

• 1:20:09Mark Normand?

  They're great. She's always killer.

• 1:20:11Speaker 05

  I told her, slow down.

• 1:20:12Sam Morril?

  She's made for that.

• 1:20:14Speaker 05

  You're already 90% there.

• 1:20:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:16Speaker 05

  I should've said 70.

• 1:20:19Speaker 05

  It really fucks you up a little bit, you're like, 70.

• 1:20:21Sam Morril?

  Oh yeah.

• 1:20:22Speaker 05

  She loves you. And which ones was it that were not so good? You'll figure it out.

• 1:20:26Sam Morril?

  I called to tell after that thing last night, I was like, yeah, you made the right decision, bailing on this.

• 1:20:31Speaker 05

  Oh, he didn't do it?

• 1:20:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:20:32Mark Normand?

  They pushed hard, too.

• 1:20:33Sam Morril?

  They want him to be Jeff Ross's tumor.

• 1:20:37Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 1:20:38Mark Normand?

  That would've killed.

• 1:20:39Sam Morril?

  It would've been funny.

• 1:20:40Speaker 05

  Who got that job?

• 1:20:41Sam Morril?

  The tumor.

• 1:20:42Speaker 05

  There was no, the real tumor played the tumor?

• 1:20:46Speaker 05

  Shit. Well, I'll keep putting comments on. Alright guys, thank you.

• 1:20:50Mark Normand?

  Thank you, dude.

• 1:20:50Speaker 05

  Give me a head start, give me a couple steps.

• 1:20:52Mark Normand?

  Get out of here.

• 1:20:53Speaker 05

  See you in the parking lot. Okay, I guess that's it.

• 1:20:58Mark Normand?

  There you go.

• 1:20:59Speaker 05

  Good to see you, boys.

• 1:20:59Sam Morril?

  Good to see you, dude.

• 1:21:00Speaker 05

  Thank you very much.

• 1:21:01Mark Normand?

  Thanks.

• 1:21:02Sam Morril?

  Hey, so David Spade, awesome to see him.

• 1:21:05Mark Normand?

  Fun guest.

• 1:21:06Sam Morril?

  Drink Bodega Cat Whiskey, bodeagacatwhiskey.com. See us on the road. I'll be in Pittsburgh, January 23rd through 25th. We got Charlotte, Richmond, Philly, DC, Bethlehem, all theaters coming up on the bus. Tulsa, Austin, Dallas, Houston, New Orleans, Memphis, Knoxville, Nashville, Birmingham, Georgia, Durham, New Haven, Providence, Portsmouth, added a second show. Thank you guys. Portland, Maine, Burlington, Montreal. Toronto, Buffalo, Albany, much more. Samaral.com/shows or go to punchup.live/samaral/tickets or whatever, punchup.live/marknorman. Find our tickets there, Mark. Where are you gonna be, man?

• 1:21:47Mark Normand?

  Thank you. I will be at the Addison Improv in Dallas, Texas. And then at the Ryman in Nashville, Asheville, North Carolina, at some theater. And then I'm going to Europe and Australia, doing the whole thing, New Zealand. So check out the website.

• 1:22:05Sam Morril?

  Where in Europe are you gonna head?

• 1:22:07Mark Normand?

  I'm doing the big ones. I'm doing Gay Paris. Then I'm doing the whole Scandinavian area.

• 1:22:12Sam Morril?

  That dude, I got food racks for you. Have you performed in the Scandinavians?

• 1:22:16Mark Normand?

  I have, yeah.

• 1:22:17Sam Morril?

  They're so good.

• 1:22:17Mark Normand?

  I love Norway and Stockholm and Sweden. And then I'm going to Rome, which I've never performed in.

• 1:22:25Sam Morril?

  Rome.

• 1:22:26Mark Normand?

  And Athens as well.

• 1:22:27Sam Morril?

  Damn, Rome. You're gonna have to hit me with the racks.

• 1:22:30Mark Normand?

  I will, I will.

• 1:22:31Sam Morril?

  You know, I was so mad I didn't hit Italy or Germany.

• 1:22:35Mark Normand?

  Mateo's got all the racks, but yeah.

• 1:22:42Sam Morril?

  All right, well, this was fun, man.

• 1:22:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Spade. How about that? And the legendary Comedy Store. Thanks, LA.

• 1:22:47Sam Morril?

  Thank you.

• 1:22:47Mark Normand?

  And get some bodega, and we'll see you in hell. Check out the special on Netflix, The Roast.