Two Mark Normands, One Sam Morril, no cups

Mark and Sam talk road burnout, awkward encounters with fans, and the real texts behind Sam’s new Netflix special, Incorrect. Mark shares a college party story that ended in the emergency room, and Jeremiah Watkins drops in with his Mark Normand impression and new special, Crazy Pizza. Plus, overpriced cocktails, online shopping peeves, true crime, and a surprise package from Kevin Spacey. Sponsored by: Rocket MoneyFind and cancel unwanted subscriptions:https://www.rocketmoney.com/DRUNK HimsVisit Hims for a personalized treatment plan:https://www.hims.com/DRUNK UnderdogDownload Underdog and check out Keep Your Million. Jeremiah Watkins:https://www.jeremiahwatkins.com/https://www.instagram.com/jeremiahstandup/Watch Crazy Pizza on his YouTube channel:https://www.youtube.com/@jeremiahwatkins Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBDMerch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/ticketsMark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com@GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #JeremiahWatkins #RocketMoney #Hims #Underdog #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  Yo.

• 0:06Mark Normand?

  Hey, hey, we might be drunk, here we are.

• 0:09Sam Morril?

  I'm hurting dude.

• 0:10Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah, we're all fried. I got the bitter sweet thing, is the baby goes to school, the toddler, or he goes to daycare, which is great, but you gotta get up and get him there.

• 0:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 0:21Mark Normand?

  So you gotta get up early.

• 0:21Sam Morril?

  How early?

• 0:23Mark Normand?

  Uh, it's at 9:30, but it takes forever to get ready. You gotta like pin him down and put the clothes on him, brush his teeth, put the food in him.

• 0:30Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 0:30Mark Normand?

  Wipe his ass, you know, he's running around the living room. And you gotta walk over there, it's like a 20 minute walk.

• 0:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's a lot.

• 0:37Mark Normand?

  It's a lot.

• 0:38Sam Morril?

  And you're a comic, you're up late, I get it.

• 0:39Mark Normand?

  I was up late last night, had a few pops, and then you get up and you're just like, ah, you're just in it. There's no like, hold on, give me a second.

• 0:46Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, I did Christina P, I did Your Mom's House with Christina P, it's like they switch off. We're like Children of Divorce, we're more guests on this now, you don't know who you're gonna get, I got Christina. And you know, she's, she starts in the morning, I hadn't had breakfast yet, I got there pretty early.

• 1:00Mark Normand?

  How early?

• 1:01Sam Morril?

  I mean, I probably got picked up at like 10:30, but...

• 1:03Mark Normand?

  That's early.

• 1:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I wanted to hit the gym first, just cause you know when you're on the road, you're just like, I'd almost rather hit the gym and just figure out food later, just for the mental aspect.

• 1:13Mark Normand?

  Yes, for sure.

• 1:13Sam Morril?

  So you know, I'm like, quick gym, then I shower, pack, go downstairs, and uh, she's zapping cigarettes, so I was like, eh, going through divorce, I'm not gonna let you smoke cigs alone.

• 1:23Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:24Sam Morril?

  So I said, hand him over, so yeah, we start drinking, she's drinking white wine, I'm drinking some bodega cat.

• 1:30Mark Normand?

  Hey, hey.

• 1:30Sam Morril?

  And uh, before you know it, got that nice little morning buzz, and then it's like, I think the pod wraps at what, like noon or something, I get a 3:50 flight. So now I'm just killing time at the lounge, at the airport, chilling at the airport.

• 1:45Sam Morril?

  End up on the flight, start like, fuck it, hit another whiskey, oh, let's do it.

• 1:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, free whiskey.

• 1:49Sam Morril?

  Go Jack and Coke, then I'll move over to like a little whiskey soda with a lime.

• 1:54Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 1:54Sam Morril?

  Watching the Yankees fuck Cam Schlittler fuck shit up.

• 1:57Mark Normand?

  What a game.

• 1:58Sam Morril?

  And it was definitely one of those moments you get off the flight where you're just like, oh boy, that was a lot, and the flight attendant's just feeding me whiskey all night, she goes, she goes, any shows? I'm like, oh great, she saw, so, there's a witness.

• 2:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:08Sam Morril?

  There's a witness for that fucking degeneracy.

• 2:10Mark Normand?

  It's good for the brand though, he really is, but he might be drunk, he's on the flight.

• 2:14Sam Morril?

  He's really killing himself.

• 2:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:16Sam Morril?

  This is good shit, yeah, but great, great little trip, and uh, dude, I was home in September, I believe, I think I'm three days home in September total.

• 2:24Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 2:25Sam Morril?

  So that's a, that's a rough one, that's when you start to spiral on the road a little bit.

• 2:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:28Sam Morril?

  You start to eat, like you start to reach for like chocolate.

• 2:31Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 2:31Sam Morril?

  You start to reach for like, I'm like, I don't normally eat like this, but you just, I'm just stuffing my face with any candy in sight.

• 2:36Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 2:37Sam Morril?

  Some of these comedy club green rooms, they just stack the candy in there, and I'm like,

• 2:40Mark Normand?

  I love it.

• 2:40Sam Morril?

  I haven't eaten Laffy Taffy since I was 12.

• 2:42Mark Normand?

  I know, we know about Patrice, the guy lost a foot, enough with the candy already.

• 2:47Sam Morril?

  I get off, I get off stage, and with, where the fuck are the Welch's fruit juice?

• 2:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love a good fruit juice.

• 2:53Sam Morril?

  I had a seven out of 10 set, let me get fucking, let me get a Butterfinger.

• 2:56Mark Normand?

  You got range, whiskey and fruit juice, that's why I have a stomach.

• 2:59Sam Morril?

  I mean, but you know what, as a kid, it's like, that's all you wanted, access to both.

• 3:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the uh, the flight, the flight, that, that flight is deceptively long, from Austin to New York.

• 3:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's like, almost four hours.

• 3:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you're like, ah, this'll be what, two and a half, and then you're on there forever.

• 3:14Sam Morril?

  It's a day.

• 3:15Mark Normand?

  It's a day on there.

• 3:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, with, getting to the airport, and yeah, it's a day.

• 3:19Mark Normand?

  And you lose an hour.

• 3:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's a tough one.

• 3:21Mark Normand?

  And that airport is tiny, for how...

• 3:23Sam Morril?

  It's not a great airport.

• 3:24Mark Normand?

  Booming Austin is supposedly, oh, it's this crazy new city, uh, it's a tiny airport.

• 3:28Sam Morril?

  Not big.

• 3:29Mark Normand?

  No, uh, but, I had the same thing, I was on a flight from Minneapolis, had a great weekend at Acme, killer club.

• 3:35Sam Morril?

  I haven't been there in years, great club.

• 3:37Mark Normand?

  Great, I saw your name on the board, cause you signed the wall, you were up there, uh, somebody put an arrow, it said gay, I don't know.

• 3:43Sam Morril?

  That was me, that's how I saw it, I want people to know.

• 3:46Mark Normand?

  Alright, I thought it was me, but uh, yeah, so, did the shows, great, got a ton of work done, and then flew back, and I had the the deadhead, what do you call that, is that what it is?

• 3:55Speaker 02

  Next to the pilot?

• 3:57Mark Normand?

  Uh, well, he's a like a...

• 3:59Sam Morril?

  A Grateful Dead fan?

• 4:00Mark Normand?

  No, no, like uh...

• 4:01Sam Morril?

  What's a Deadhead?

• 4:02Speaker 02

  A Deadhead is when a pilot takes a seat on the plane.

• 4:05Mark Normand?

  Is that the word?

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:06Mark Normand?

  I think it's Deadhead.

• 4:07Speaker 02

  They're deadheading.

• 4:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you know, you ever seen a pilot just sitting in the seat?

• 4:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I didn't know it was called deadheading, why is it called that?

• 4:11Mark Normand?

  They're trying to get to another location, I don't know why they call it Deadhead, meaning like, they're not flying, they're dead. They're not on, they're not on right now.

• 4:17Sam Morril?

  That's a weird term.

• 4:19Mark Normand?

  I think that's it.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:21Mark Normand?

  Where'd that come from?

• 4:22Speaker 02

  I think it's a sailing term.

• 4:23Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  Like you're navigating without uh, the stars or something.

• 4:27Sam Morril?

  So you're sitting next to the pilot?

• 4:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it'd be funny if Uber did that, this is my, he's got an Uber later, okay, so uh, I've got the pilot there, and he's kinda giving me the the funky eye, like the, oh, ah, so I was like, ah, this guy's gay, he's all over me, whatever, and then uh, he hands me a note at the end of the flight, and he's like, just didn't wanna blow up your spot, big fan, I love all your stuff, uh, so...

• 4:50Sam Morril?

  Classy.

• 4:51Mark Normand?

  It was nice, but he handed me the note, and then they're like, okay, buckle up for landing, so now we're just sitting next to each other. And I already know all this about him, but I read the note.

• 5:01Sam Morril?

  It's like the scene in Billy Madison, where the principal's like, I'm horny too. That shit, I got a note on the flight yesterday too.

• 5:07Mark Normand?

  Oh, there you go.

• 5:08Sam Morril?

  From a woman, she sent it back to the, through the flight attendant.

• 5:11Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 5:12Sam Morril?

  And it's, he is a little bit, I'm flattered, but he's a little peeve.

• 5:15Mark Normand?

  Get a little deadhead?

• 5:16Sam Morril?

  No pic, also I have a girlfriend, but no pic.

• 5:19Mark Normand?

  Wait, what do you mean no pic?

• 5:20Sam Morril?

  I should've opened with the girlfriend, well, just saying like, oh, what's up?

• 5:22Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 5:24Sam Morril?

  You know.

• 5:24Mark Normand?

  Well, is she gonna hand you a headshot, or are you gonna get a pic?

• 5:27Sam Morril?

  Maybe like a link to something, I don't know.

• 5:28Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay, yeah, now you gotta go up there and go, is it her?

• 5:31Sam Morril?

  But I should've opened that I'm in a relationship.

• 5:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 5:33Sam Morril?

  Instead of being like, where's the pic? Send nudes, then we'll, I'm seeing someone, I wanna see you naked as well.

• 5:39Mark Normand?

  Sure, but also, you haven't been home in, you only been home three days in the month, so...

• 5:43Sam Morril?

  You get prison sex, I was looking at that bellhop, like, I could do it.

• 5:47Mark Normand?

  Ah, the standards just keep dropping.

• 5:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 5:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, but, nice to be recognized on a plane, but you're just, you're just stuck there, so it's awkward.

• 5:55Sam Morril?

  Well, it's weird, that note is great, but you want it after.

• 5:58Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly, exactly, so our thighs touch, you know, it's just, it's weird.

• 6:03Sam Morril?

  You touched your leg?

• 6:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he touched my leg, so uh, but yeah, very nice, and Minneapolis.

• 6:08Sam Morril?

  It's nice, it's all, it is a great feeling, for sure.

• 6:11Mark Normand?

  It's very nice, yeah.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  You ever get a random dick pic on a plane?

• 6:13Sam Morril?

  A random dick pic?

• 6:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, people do like airdrop.

• 6:16Sam Morril?

  No, but I've sent a few.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  They airdrop to everyone on the plane, everyone picks it up, sees that person's dick.

• 6:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's a weird, it's a high-tech predator.

• 6:25Speaker 02

  So strange.

• 6:25Sam Morril?

  It is, cause you think about where the perv has started and where they've ended up.

• 6:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 6:30Sam Morril?

  They've really taken it up a level.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  They should just flash on the subway.

• 6:33Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 6:35Sam Morril?

  Now you do it to a point. Now you got technology, it's like a mass shooter versus a fucking musket.

• 6:38Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 6:39Sam Morril?

  You're able to, yeah, you used to have to do that like one by one at the office party, you got fired, now you get, now you can fucking send a mass email, airdrop, you got options.

• 6:48Mark Normand?

  How long till a kid drone bombs a school? You know, that's gonna come before, you know, other stuff.

• 6:54Sam Morril?

  Jesus Christ, I didn't even think of that.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Marcus put it out there.

• 6:56Mark Normand?

  I put it out there, by the way, there's been 13 Lindsay Clancy copycats.

• 7:01Sam Morril?

  What?

• 7:01Mark Normand?

  Since it happened, 13!

• 7:03Sam Morril?

  13.

• 7:03Mark Normand?

  Killing kids all day, just bombs, killing kids.

• 7:05Sam Morril?

  Is that, is that real?

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Well, is that just people killing their kids, and then saying Lindsay Clancy inspired me, or?

• 7:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a copycat.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  How many?

• 7:13Sam Morril?

  They said that she inspired her.

• 7:15Mark Normand?

  I don't know about that, but uh, it's similar, similar way to do it. Get the husband out, the whole thing.

• 7:23Sam Morril?

  Stop selling exercise bands.

• 7:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:26Sam Morril?

  No one's using those.

• 7:27Mark Normand?

  No.

• 7:28Sam Morril?

  No one's exercising with the bands.

• 7:29Mark Normand?

  No.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  There's one person that said, this directly inspired me to kill my kids.

• 7:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, it's only one, alright, well, we've had 13 moms killing their kids since it happened, so... Why can't people copycat good shit? You know, it's always negative, oh, we got a serial killer copycat, what about uh, oh, this guy planted a, a community garden, copycat.

• 7:50Sam Morril?

  The guy who gives out hugs everywhere, why can't we copycat that?

• 7:52Mark Normand?

  Exactly, I love the hug guy.

• 7:54Sam Morril?

  The hug guy's nice.

• 7:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 7:55Sam Morril?

  What was that, that Dave Matthews uh...

• 7:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, Judah.

• 7:58Sam Morril?

  Judah was in that.

• 7:59Mark Normand?

  He was the hug, hugard.

• 8:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 8:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 8:02Sam Morril?

  Nice hugging.

• 8:03Mark Normand?

  Judah had a hell of a run, he had 30 Rock, Curb.

• 8:06Sam Morril?

  American Splendor?

• 8:07Mark Normand?

  American Splendor, and Dave Matthews.

• 8:08Sam Morril?

  And Meet the Parents.

• 8:10Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 8:10Sam Morril?

  And Zoolander.

• 8:11Mark Normand?

  And Zoolander!

• 8:12Sam Morril?

  He's the brother.

• 8:13Mark Normand?

  What a run!

• 8:14Sam Morril?

  It's him and Vince Vaughn, Mums and Meet the Parents, he's a great actor, he, American Splendor, he was amazing in.

• 8:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah, now he's gone full burka.

• 8:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, haven't seen his mouth in years.

• 8:25Mark Normand?

  Probably for the best, but yeah, he's a fucking great comic and a nice guy.

• 8:30Sam Morril?

  Very nice guy.

• 8:30Mark Normand?

  But man, that 30 Rock gig, second banana on 30 Rock?

• 8:34Sam Morril?

  Well, he wasn't the second banana.

• 8:36Mark Normand?

  Fourth?

• 8:36Sam Morril?

  He was in the bunch.

• 8:38Mark Normand?

  Ah, he's in the bunch.

• 8:39Sam Morril?

  He's not the second banana, this is Liz Lemon, you got Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan, Kenneth?

• 8:45Mark Normand?

  Who's first banana, if he's not second?

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Well, we got Liz.

• 8:48Mark Normand?

  Liz, Baldwin.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  That's two right there, first and second banana.

• 8:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, you're saying he's wor, he's lower?

• 8:53Sam Morril?

  Of course, but he, but he was in the credits, he got his name in the credits, so that's, that's some cash money right there.

• 8:58Mark Normand?

  Alright, he's 15th banana.

• 9:00Sam Morril?

  He's probably like 7th.

• 9:01Mark Normand?

  Alright, 7th.

• 9:02Sam Morril?

  Or maybe 6th.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  I bet there's a call sheet we can look up, see where he is on the call sheet.

• 9:06Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 9:06Sam Morril?

  He's in the bunch of bananas, which is, which is a big deal.

• 9:08Mark Normand?

  Alright, he's in the bunch.

• 9:11Sam Morril?

  He was great on the show.

• 9:12Mark Normand?

  He was great.

• 9:12Sam Morril?

  That show is like, tops.

• 9:14Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 9:14Sam Morril?

  That's as good as a sitcom can be, man.

• 9:16Mark Normand?

  Completely agree.

• 9:17Sam Morril?

  Holds up hard.

• 9:18Mark Normand?

  And they went dark, they went for it, it was awesome.

• 9:21Sam Morril?

  That was one of the few times I've seen you freeze up a little in the elevator with Tina Fey.

• 9:26Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 9:26Sam Morril?

  Cause you were like, I'm gonna say something, and I was like, hell yeah, and then you were just like, I couldn't do it.

• 9:30Mark Normand?

  I panicked.

• 9:31Sam Morril?

  And I got it, I was like, yeah, I'm the, I respect her too much.

• 9:34Mark Normand?

  She's such a legend, you don't know what to say to a lady, it's a different vibe.

• 9:38Sam Morril?

  She's just, she's just, you know, she made one of the best shows ever.

• 9:41Mark Normand?

  And she's such a good writer, that everything I say, I feel like she goes, that was it? That's all you had?

• 9:45Sam Morril?

  I know, yeah.

• 9:47Mark Normand?

  I panicked.

• 9:48Sam Morril?

  She'd see through it.

• 9:49Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 9:49Sam Morril?

  You could see it, yeah, I'm with you dude.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  Alright, here's the call sheet.

• 9:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, here we go.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, Rachel Dratch, Tracy Morgan, Scott, ad sit.

• 9:57Mark Normand?

  No bunch.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Jack McPrayer, that's it.

• 10:00Sam Morril?

  He's not even on the call sheet.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  He's not even on the call sheet.

• 10:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but this is one scene, that's not...

• 10:03Mark Normand?

  Stunt coordinator.

• 10:04Sam Morril?

  Probably, if it's, yeah, I don't know.

• 10:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah, probably, wow, you could see a call sheet, well done on that Google, bitch.

• 10:11Sam Morril?

  But he's in the mix.

• 10:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, for sure, for sure, now see, that's the kinda gig I'd want.

• 10:17Sam Morril?

  30 Rock?

• 10:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, that kind of role.

• 10:19Sam Morril?

  Where you show up like two days a week?

• 10:21Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 10:21Sam Morril?

  And then you still get the tour?

• 10:22Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 10:23Sam Morril?

  And then you just never see your family ever?

• 10:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, and you get to tell people I'm on a huge, funny sitcom. That's big. I mean, he had a look. That was back when you had a look, you got hired.

• 10:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I mean, he made it a look.

• 10:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah. And he's still doing it.

• 10:38Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah. But it's kind of like when Spider-Man changed his outfits and went darker.

• 10:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 10:44Sam Morril?

  It was like the bright red Spider-Man, and then you're just like, he's been black, and you're like, eh.

• 10:49Sam Morril?

  Not as fun.

• 10:50Mark Normand?

  He's only working at Harlem.

• 10:51Sam Morril?

  This is the longest Judah chunk on any podcast ever. This whole hour, we're just talking about Judah Friedlander.

• 10:57Mark Normand?

  We like Judah.

• 10:57Sam Morril?

  Very, I mean, yeah, I think he's got a special on Netflix still, a very good special.

• 11:00Mark Normand?

  Speaking of Netflix. Oh, come on. How about that? Currently at number eight on the top 10, so hopefully it keeps climbing.

• 11:09Sam Morril?

  Hopefully. Yeah, I mean, this is, I guess, the day after it came out. We're recording this.

• 11:13Mark Normand?

  Good sign, though. I checked it yesterday, nothing. Checked it today, you're two in, so that's it. People are finding it.

• 11:20Sam Morril?

  They're finding it, yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  I'll watch it on my mom's account for you.

• 11:22Mark Normand?

  Hey, you gotta give it a double. We love this.

• 11:26Sam Morril?

  Oh, really?

• 11:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's the move. You gotta give it a double thumbs up.

• 11:29Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, it was nice. It's nice. And I'm getting some texts, which is, it's fun.

• 11:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, really? Nice.

• 11:35Sam Morril?

  Well, I don't know if you guys, if you've seen the special, you know the Jalissa texts, the Jalissa text messages, that story, the one-night-stand story. She, well, this is where it starts. I sent these to Sal Akus. So, yeah, she write, this is what actually happened, the bit, "Not even an Uber Black," and I wrote, "Lift is better."

• 11:50Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 11:51Sam Morril?

  She wrote, "Comes in 10 seconds, then calls me a Toyota Camry." So, that's a line that was actually in the special.

• 11:57Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 11:57Sam Morril?

  And then I think I said, "Wait, come back. I might be able to get hard again after an insult like that." But, I mean, that's like, actually, the only line I didn't, you know, write. I mean, a lot of it really happens, but then you're like, oh, you gave me a line.

• 12:09Mark Normand?

  Also, look, according to the timestamp, you kicked her out at 5:30 in the morning?

• 12:14Sam Morril?

  I didn't kick her out. She chose to leave.

• 12:16Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 12:16Sam Morril?

  I always offer.

• 12:17Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 12:18Sam Morril?

  I always offer a night pass.

• 12:20Mark Normand?

  Good man, though. You got up and you got an Uber or Lyft at 5:30.

• 12:24Sam Morril?

  This is the next text. What does it say? Oh, yeah, but this is, but this shows one good term. She wrote, "Come to LA, and I'll give you some more content. You need all the help you can get."

• 12:34Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 12:34Sam Morril?

  What did I say back to her? Keep nagging me, and I'll keep it. Oh, that's her real name, is what I wrote.

• 12:40Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 12:41Sam Morril?

  I slightly changed it, because I sent her a version of the bit saying, "You mind if I put this in a special?" And she said, "Sure." But then she, but then she starts nagging me. I was like, "I might change it back. It hits harder with your name." Because your name's a little weirder, but, uh...

• 12:55Mark Normand?

  Now, is that your 929, or is that her 929?

• 12:59Sam Morril?

  It's gotta be mine.

• 13:00Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's a lot of texts.

• 13:03Sam Morril?

  And then, yeah, what do we say next? "Oh, Jalissa hit. You're off the hook, because I changed the name." So, I was like, "Give me some help with the name." So, we start brainstorming names that might work.

• 13:12Mark Normand?

  But this is great. She's fucking with you, but also cool enough to let it happen.

• 13:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah. She's, she was cool. And then, see where this goes. This gets crazy. Whatever, "My best performance." Yeah, whatever, yeah, you were good, blah, blah, blah. So, then here's, as the day of the special comes out, she messages me, "So weird you didn't invite me to Tampa for this." And I wrote, "How do you like the special?" She wrote, "It was charming until you implied I'm an anti-Semite."

• 13:38Mark Normand?

  The art of seduction.

• 13:39Sam Morril?

  I'm anti-Semite, and I wrote, "When did I do that?" I actually didn't even remember that part, you know, and she goes, "The part where you say Jalissa was anti-Semitic, I'm marrying a Jew." And I wrote, "But first of all, you're getting married." We raw-dogged like a year ago. I'm a little offended you're getting married so quickly. I said, "That was, that was a callback," which, so, yeah, that was just a callback. I was just trying to wrap something up.

• 13:56Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 13:57Sam Morril?

  And she goes, "I heard you're getting married this soon, after getting raw-dogged by your boy." And she wrote, "Yeah, he always orders me an Uber Black." Nice, sounds like a winner. She's good, right?

• 14:07Mark Normand?

  That's a callback.

• 14:08Sam Morril?

  She's a callback, so, yeah, good stuff.

• 14:09Mark Normand?

  Very good. I mean, she might be the one.

• 14:12Sam Morril?

  I said that. I think I closed by saying, "I could have loved you, Jalissa."

• 14:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's a little quick to get married there, Jal. I mean, what are you, Patrick Clancy?

• 14:20Sam Morril?

  I mean, what the hell is going, yeah, what the hell is going on?

• 14:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Who is this Jew? We gotta bring him in.

• 14:25Sam Morril?

  I know. Hopefully, it gives you a hot 30 seconds.

• 14:28Mark Normand?

  I'm sure he, uh...

• 14:29Sam Morril?

  And then I got another text.

• 14:31Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 14:31Sam Morril?

  From the Rat Exterminator, because he keeps asking me when the special's gonna come out, because he wants to hear the rat chunk about the rat.

• 14:37Mark Normand?

  How great is this?

• 14:37Sam Morril?

  So, I told him, and he wrote, I said, "Hey, it's the second joke. Check it out." And he wrote, "That's what's up. Did you mention VJ Pest Management?" I didn't work it into the special, but here you go. Try VJ Pest Management. You can Photoshop in the rat they killed with a hockey stick. I did get a few DMs, "How dare you. That's animal cruelty. Fuck off."

• 14:59Mark Normand?

  Here we go.

• 15:00Sam Morril?

  But, uh, if it makes you feel any better, we ate the rat afterwards.

• 15:05Sam Morril?

  We used the whole body.

• 15:06Mark Normand?

  Wow, VJ Pest. Now, did the abortion clinic call in after the joke you made about that? That'd be great if everybody just texted you.

• 15:15Sam Morril?

  I got, well, I had to, I had to let him, because he'd been asking me for months. He goes, "When's the special out?" You know, and, uh, yeah. No, so, the rat guy made it. So, they, they're all real stories.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  I love that. So, it's been 24 hours, right?

• 15:28Sam Morril?

  It's been 24 hours.

• 15:28Mark Normand?

  What's the nicest text, or most?

• 15:31Sam Morril?

  There wasn't a lot of, a lot of nice texts.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Anyone you want to share?

• 15:34Sam Morril?

  No, it's just, you know, your friends. It's nice stuff, you know? But it's, it's special. Mark and I have talked about this. It's not fun when a special comes out, because you're doing so many podcasts.

• 15:44Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 15:44Sam Morril?

  You're burnt out. You're, uh, you're trying to get the word out, all while struggling through material that makes you feel like a cripple.

• 15:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 15:53Sam Morril?

  So, it's like, I'm not at my best right now. I know I'm not my best. The crowd knows I'm not my best. You do the road, and you do like, whatever, 20 minutes of the old shit to see how the new stuff stacks up against it. And of course, the honed stuff that you spent all this time and I put in a special is stronger. But then you see, there's moments of like, okay, that's getting there, that's coming along, and you do enough sets where finally you're like, "I hate myself. I have to add a tag. I have to add this line."

• 16:18Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 16:18Sam Morril?

  But it's, yeah, it's a process. It's like, you know, we've been through many times, and it doesn't, it doesn't feel great.

• 16:24Mark Normand?

  No, and I'm, I have a set that's now finally gelling after months and months, and I just keep thinking, "I can't give this away." Because I don't want to go through that again.

• 16:33Sam Morril?

  Well, you, but you just put one out pretty recently, though, so you got time.

• 16:36Mark Normand?

  I got time. I got time. But I will have to put this out eventually.

• 16:38Sam Morril?

  Eventually, yeah.

• 16:39Mark Normand?

  As will you with your next one, you know, and, uh, I'm already dreading it.

• 16:43Sam Morril?

  But you want to, there is that also good feeling of like, okay, it's gonna live somewhere now.

• 16:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, of course.

• 16:47Sam Morril?

  You put it somewhere, and it's nice that people will see the finished product, but, yeah, it's, it's a, it's a real mixed feeling. It's a real, you're in a real postpartum funk. Not Lindsey Clancy.

• 16:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 16:58Sam Morril?

  Not a psychosis, but a, but a funk.

• 17:00Mark Normand?

  Well, it's an empty nester, because you got this thing you've, you've built up, and you, you honed and reared, and then it, you put it out, and it goes to college, and then you go, "Ah!"

• 17:08Sam Morril?

  I miss it.

• 17:09Mark Normand?

  I miss it. So, then you gotta have another one. Yes.

• 17:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, it's, it's, uh, it's tough, man.

• 17:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, now they're off at Cornell, but, yeah. But it's a tough one. But, uh, yeah, just building that back up from, it's like stacking bricks. You're like, "I got no wall here. I gotta build, uh, the Great Wall of China. I got two bricks in my hand."

• 17:30Sam Morril?

  Oh, my God, it's crazy. I was in San Diego. We can, I had a fun moment. Speaking of, uh, seeing a dude recognize you, I'm in the elevator of the hotel. You know, when you're in San Diego, you're just eating non-stop Mexican. It's such good Mexican food.

• 17:44Mark Normand?

  Oh, so good.

• 17:44Sam Morril?

  You're just pounding burritos, and my camera guy, Brian, is a vegan, so it's like, everyone's satisfied. No one's complaining, which, like, you know, good for him for being a vegan, blah, blah, blah, but it does, it does make the, the dinner search sometimes a little more challenging, and I want everyone to be happy.

• 17:58Mark Normand?

  That was a good line in the special. When they're vegan, that's never the only thing.

• 18:01Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's gluten-free.

• 18:02Mark Normand?

  Sorry, gluten-free.

• 18:02Sam Morril?

  It's never the only thing.

• 18:03Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 18:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah. But, uh, which it is true, but, no, he's, that is the only thing with him. He's great, but, uh... He is great, but, you know, uh, and actually, got me a DVD as a gift that I'm gonna shout out as a rec, "My Life as a Dog." It's a Swedish movie from the 80s. Colin Quinn shouted out in his Criterion closet. It's fucking great.

• 18:26Mark Normand?

  "My Life as a Dog."

• 18:26Sam Morril?

  Great Swedish movie from the 80s, coming of age.

• 18:29Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 18:30Sam Morril?

  Sad, but funny. Great. But, uh, where was, okay, so I get in the elevator. I'm gassy as fuck.

• 18:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:35Sam Morril?

  You know, it's like, Mexican food all day, and you're just like, "Ooh, these are like, bad farts." It's not like the fun cartoonish Mark Norman farts. These are like silent, and it's like, "What the fuck just happened?"

• 18:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:48Sam Morril?

  And I get in the elevator, and I let one rip, and I was like, "Ooh, that's bad."

• 18:51Mark Normand?

  Gas jam.

• 18:52Sam Morril?

  And then the door opens, and a dude comes in, and he's smiling, looking at me, and he goes, "Sam, I'm a big fan." And I was like, "Oh, thanks, man," and then he goes, and then I watched him notice the fart. I watched him process where he's like, uh, I was just like, and he didn't mention anything. I was like, "All right, nice," and that was it. But I know that he knew, and he knew that I knew.

• 19:10Mark Normand?

  It's like your old bit. Not funny. Funny again.

• 19:13Sam Morril?

  With the chick, yeah.

• 19:14Mark Normand?

  With the girl.

• 19:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that was an old bit. You fart in the elevator, you laugh, then the door opens, a hot woman comes on, not funny anymore.

• 19:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 19:19Sam Morril?

  Then the door opens again. You get off, door shut, she's stuck with a fart. Funny again.

• 19:23Mark Normand?

  Funny again.

• 19:24Sam Morril?

  That was an old Sammy bit.

• 19:25Mark Normand?

  That's a great bit.

• 19:26Sam Morril?

  Got me a standing O in America's Got Talent.

• 19:27Mark Normand?

  Hey!

• 19:28Sam Morril?

  Low bar.

• 19:30Mark Normand?

  Take that, Tape Face.

• 19:32Sam Morril?

  Low bar.

• 19:34Mark Normand?

  Damn, yeah, yeah, the Mexican farts are no joke. I was farting on that Deadhead guy all day long.

• 19:39Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 19:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, I was Ben Laden.

• 19:41Sam Morril?

  He wrote you another note. "I'm not a fan anymore."

• 19:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he wrote me a doctor's note for some Beano.

• 19:47Sam Morril?

  It is, some people really have that all the time.

• 19:50Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 19:51Sam Morril?

  I bought Gas-X. That's how bad it is.

• 19:52Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 19:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, I just don't want to be that dude.

• 19:55Mark Normand?

  Does that work?

• 19:56Sam Morril?

  It works.

• 19:57Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 19:57Sam Morril?

  But I went to, I got, there's, there's like regular strength and extra strength, and you're like, "Yeah, let me get the extra," you know?

• 20:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 20:03Sam Morril?

  And then you get it, and you're checking out, and the guy, there's no line. The guy just goes, "Self-service is there," and I was like, "I'm a person, damn it." You think just because I fart, I'm not a person? I just didn't want to work.

• 20:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Um, I never got those, uh, extra strength, like, Monistat. I had a yeast infection years ago. There's Monistat 1 and Monistat 7. And I asked the guy, "What's the difference?" And he goes, "Monistat 7 works. It's over seven days." I was like, "Who wants a longer yeast?" Maybe I'm wrong there.

• 20:32Sam Morril?

  I don't understand.

• 20:32Speaker 02

  No, it's correct. There's Monistat 1 fixes you in one day, and Monistat 7 fixes you over seven days.

• 20:36Sam Morril?

  So, why would you pick the 7?

• 20:38Speaker 02

  I think it's like less chemicals in your body all at once.

• 20:40Sam Morril?

  Ooh, okay. Yeah, well, there's stuff like that. I've had like, you know, you get like a skin thing sometimes, and they'll like, "Do you want the, the pill, or do you want the cream?" And you're like, "Which one can't I drink on?" And they're like, "The pill will clear it up better, but you can't drink." I'm like, "Give me that cream, buddy boy."

• 20:55Mark Normand?

  Creamy. Wait a minute, give that a Google, though. Were you sure about that? Because who would want a week's long of yeast infection? By the way, when it's the guys, it's called Jock itch.

• 21:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 21:05Mark Normand?

  Fun fact.

• 21:05Sam Morril?

  Tough actin' tenactin?

• 21:07Mark Normand?

  Works every time.

• 21:08Sam Morril?

  That's for the feet.

• 21:08Mark Normand?

  I know, but it works. It's all fungus.

• 21:10Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 21:11Mark Normand?

  So, if you spray it on your junk, it sizzles.

• 21:12Sam Morril?

  What are the names of all of them? There's Tough Actin' Tenactin. That sounds, that's the coolest name, for sure.

• 21:16Mark Normand?

  That's a good name.

• 21:16Sam Morril?

  What's the other name?

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Which one?

• 21:18Mark Normand?

  There's, uh, ah, that scared the shit out of me. Um...

• 21:22Sam Morril?

  Me, too.

• 21:23Mark Normand?

  What the hell's that called? Dr. Scholz has one.

• 21:26Sam Morril?

  I was gonna say, Larry Charles looks terrible here.

• 21:29Mark Normand?

  That's the beard Jew.

• 21:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude.

• 21:33Mark Normand?

  Modest at seven.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  During pregnancy.

• 21:36Sam Morril?

  Baby bumps. Oh, maybe, yeah, maybe, I mean during.

• 21:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Oh, interesting. Yeah, the wife, she gets them.

• 21:43Sam Morril?

  God, you used to get athlete's foot all the time. At least, yeah, at least it's called athlete's foot. It makes you feel a little better.

• 21:47Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 21:47Sam Morril?

  But it's like, it's just nasty, dude.

• 21:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's like tennis elbow. I'm like, I'll take that. Modest attribute, boo. Recommended for moderate to severe. Modest at one is effective for mild infection. I don't know. All right, all right. Call in, ladies.

• 22:05Sam Morril?

  What, what's with the background today, Salakus?

• 22:07Speaker 02

  I just changed it up.

• 22:09Sam Morril?

  This is Goodfellas?

• 22:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, make that coffee to go.

• 22:11Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 22:12Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. That's when they kill Samuel L.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:15Sam Morril?

  That's right, yeah, quick cameo.

• 22:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:18Sam Morril?

  But he was working. Yeah, he fucking wedding singer, singer, this guy too.

• 22:21Speaker 02

  That's right. Yeah, yeah.

• 22:23Mark Normand?

  Carbone, what's his name?

• 22:24Speaker 02

  Carbone.

• 22:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that is a wop right there. That is a Sicilian man.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  I think he might be in Mean Streets too.

• 22:30Mark Normand?

  I think you're right.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:31Sam Morril?

  Eyebrows.

• 22:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Boy, I watched the Unabomber movie.

• 22:34Sam Morril?

  How was that? I heard it stinks.

• 22:37Mark Normand?

  PU butt. It shows the Unabomber as a kid, which is kind of interesting.

• 22:42Sam Morril?

  Hmm.

• 22:42Mark Normand?

  But you know what I hate about these, these cop movies they do? So the lady figures it out, the lady FBI person. But she's like, I got a hunch it's this Kaczynski guy. And there's always a guy in the room who's like, enough with the Kaczynski, Sarah. We, we've covered this. It's not him. And you're like, why would you poo poo any possible lead?

• 23:01Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 23:02Mark Normand?

  And then when they get it right, she got it right, obviously.

• 23:04Sam Morril?

  Who knows if that is real?

• 23:05Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. But it's such a trope.

• 23:07Sam Morril?

  I remember listening to a audio thing on, on Kaczynski and how he like, you know, is into, you know, uh, science at a young age. And he gave a woman a little thing that like, lit up and fizzled out or whatever. And she was like, uh, and then she walked away weirded out. And you could tell that's like the moment he was like, fuck women. He's like, fuck everyone.

• 23:27Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 23:28Sam Morril?

  Some people can deal with the rejection. Some people are like, eh, I'm not.

• 23:31Mark Normand?

  That's true. He always had that friend like, you fucking lesbo. Like, well, she's just not into you.

• 23:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, just figure out a different way in.

• 23:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 23:37Sam Morril?

  And he's like, I will. Letters and bombs.

• 23:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I know. The bombing was cool. Oh, there you go.

• 23:43Speaker 02

  He's in The Godfather too.

• 23:44Mark Normand?

  That's him?

• 23:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, he looks good there.

• 23:47Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 23:48Sam Morril?

  He's a young buck there.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:49Mark Normand?

  Jeez, he looks more ethnic there than now. Isn't that crazy?

• 23:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he really does. He looks fresh off the boat.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  That's what he looks like now, which is insane.

• 23:56Mark Normand?

  He got whiter.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:57Mark Normand?

  Or angler.

• 23:58Sam Morril?

  He trimmed those eyebrows.

• 23:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:00Sam Morril?

  I guess he had to. You have eyebrows like that when you're young. They get, I gotta get ahead of this shit.

• 24:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:04Sam Morril?

  This could get bad.

• 24:05Mark Normand?

  You ever get the, the haircut? And she's like, should you do the eyebrows? I'm like, what do you think? She's like, yeah.

• 24:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 24:11Mark Normand?

  Definitely cut your eyebrows.

• 24:12Sam Morril?

  That's a certain age.

• 24:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:13Sam Morril?

  I didn't get that in my early twenties.

• 24:14Mark Normand?

  I, I'll snip them. They're doing this shit and I'll just cut it with the razor.

• 24:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they always say, yeah, I'll get in there. They little fucking, or a little. You feel like a hairy piece of shit. I'm a hairy guy, man.

• 24:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, you are. You got the back hair, chest hair.

• 24:31Sam Morril?

  Yeah, a little patch.

• 24:32Mark Normand?

  Shoulder, yeah.

• 24:33Sam Morril?

  I could probably get rid of the back patch.

• 24:34Mark Normand?

  Ah, it just comes back. I got, I got, I would kill for just a nice hunk right here.

• 24:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you got nothing.

• 24:40Mark Normand?

  I got nothing. I got the nipple and that's it. It looks like hell.

• 24:42Sam Morril?

  It's weird to have nothing.

• 24:43Mark Normand?

  I know. My dad is like a shag carpet.

• 24:46Speaker 02

  I heard butt hair is a biological imperative. It's, it helps you or helps humans.

• 24:52Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  Uh, when we used to run through the plains to catch animals, it smoothed that area so you didn't get chafy.

• 24:58Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 24:59Speaker 02

  So it serves a purpose.

• 25:00Sam Morril?

  Damn. Next, next time a girl's licking it, I'll say, this is important to have.

• 25:06Mark Normand?

  Crazy that biology is like, what cover you're at, chafing. We got you.

• 25:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 25:10Mark Normand?

  They, it's very thoughtful.

• 25:11Sam Morril?

  Biology does a lot for us.

• 25:12Speaker 02

  Eyebrows too.

• 25:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  It catches all dust and all that shit.

• 25:16Sam Morril?

  Also, it's important to express, to give someone one of these.

• 25:18Mark Normand?

  Right, expressions.

• 25:21Sam Morril?

  I feel like back in the day, this was a big one. Like when you were like horny, it was, there's a.

• 25:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, that was big. That was big.

• 25:27Sam Morril?

  That was big for a while. The hubba hubba, the hmm.

• 25:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, the eyebrows up. Then some guys could do like the.

• 25:33Sam Morril?

  The rock, this one?

• 25:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 25:36Sam Morril?

  The rock, the people's eyebrow.

• 25:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Eyebrow tricks were a thing. We had no entertainment. So guys would do that shit, you know? Yeah, that was huge.

• 25:44Sam Morril?

  Now there's too much. Now there's 80 different Unabomber series.

• 25:47Mark Normand?

  I know, I know, exactly. Uh, wait, what were we talking about? Oh, well, isn't it cruel that the hair goes away here, but then the back? I know it's been said a million times. Like my asshole hair is thriving.

• 25:57Sam Morril?

  Is it?

• 25:58Mark Normand?

  Flourishing.

• 25:59Sam Morril?

  So you have nothing on the chest, but you have asshole hair.

• 26:01Mark Normand?

  Yeah. What's up with that?

• 26:03Sam Morril?

  What a surprise.

• 26:03Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 26:04Sam Morril?

  That's like an M. Night Shyamalan right there.

• 26:05Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 26:06Sam Morril?

  You don't see it coming.

• 26:07Mark Normand?

  I got a happy trail. I got asshole. My legs are hairy as a wolf man.

• 26:12Sam Morril?

  Your legs are hairy?

• 26:13Mark Normand?

  I mean, they're, they're standard.

• 26:14Sam Morril?

  Let's see. That's not that hairy though.

• 26:17Mark Normand?

  That's not that bad.

• 26:18Sam Morril?

  Let me see.

• 26:19Mark Normand?

  That, that's about the same.

• 26:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 26:21Mark Normand?

  A little curlier maybe, but, uh, yeah, but the, it's just crazy. It goes right here.

• 26:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 26:26Mark Normand?

  That's where you need it.

• 26:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 26:28Mark Normand?

  Location, location, location.

• 26:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 26:31Mark Normand?

  It's like the government and this is like the, the people that need the funds, but it's going right to Iran.

• 26:35Sam Morril?

  It's going to the wrong place.

• 26:36Mark Normand?

  It's going to the military complex.

• 26:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, a little back hairs. I remember shaving my chest when I was in college because a girl asked me to.

• 26:42Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 26:43Sam Morril?

  I never forgave myself. I saw a picture of us like, and I'll be honest, I looked like I was in better shape.

• 26:48Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 26:48Sam Morril?

  But I was still mad at myself.

• 26:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 26:50Sam Morril?

  You, you always look a little worse shape with the chest hair.

• 26:53Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 26:54Sam Morril?

  But I, it wasn't worth it.

• 26:55Mark Normand?

  No, don't do it.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  Were you guys with hair with a woman? When she has leg hair or armpit hair?

• 27:00Mark Normand?

  I don't like leg hair.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  Women have it.

• 27:02Sam Morril?

  Well, yeah, what is this? Fucking BCE? What are we doing here?

• 27:06Mark Normand?

  Bushwick?

• 27:07Sam Morril?

  Bushwick.

• 27:08Mark Normand?

  No, yeah, I'm not a fan.

• 27:09Sam Morril?

  I'm not a fan of body hair. But I mean, hey, they each their own. Some people love it. Some people like a hairy pit on a woman. It's not, it's not for me.

• 27:15Mark Normand?

  No, no, thank you. No, thank you. We gotta have some way we're different.

• 27:20Sam Morril?

  I like a, like a slick surface.

• 27:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly. Give me a smooth Asian boy.

• 27:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 27:26Mark Normand?

  If you're gonna hook up with a guy, I think Asian is.

• 27:29Sam Morril?

  Oh, I, I didn't even know where that was going.

• 27:30Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 27:31Sam Morril?

  I was just yes handing. Yeah, okay. Uh, no, I, yeah, I like smooth on a woman for sure.

• 27:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, I like, uh, yeah, there's a little hair in the, in the vag, but too much hair, I don't think I love it.

• 27:42Speaker 02

  You perused through Europe. You must have met a girl with armpit hair.

• 27:46Sam Morril?

  I don't think I did.

• 27:48Mark Normand?

  I think it's more here now.

• 27:50Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 27:50Mark Normand?

  I see it in BK all day. Oh, yeah. Just like girl hell in a cab. And you're like, whoa, is that Kaepernick under there? What the hell is that?

• 27:56Sam Morril?

  Even the cab driver's like, fuck that shit. Get out of here.

• 27:59Mark Normand?

  He's like a Middle Eastern guy going, nah, my one. Yeah. Well, they, they can't see hair, right? The Middle Eastern guys, they, they cover the women's hair because it's sexual. But then is that sexual? Because hair is hair.

• 28:12Sam Morril?

  I don't know how it works.

• 28:13Mark Normand?

  It's a question.

• 28:15Sam Morril?

  I don't know. Yeah, it's not for me. I have a friend whose girlfriend has it and I'm always just like, he seems into it.

• 28:21Mark Normand?

  Wow, really? And I get it's unfair. They gotta do this. They gotta do this. That sucks for a lady.

• 28:26Sam Morril?

  It does. The, the, the fucking this?

• 28:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:30Sam Morril?

  That's crazy. The waxing?

• 28:31Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:32Sam Morril?

  Oh, my God.

• 28:33Mark Normand?

  But guys are very lucky because women like a little stubble. So for us to have a thing they're attracted to, we get to do zero work.

• 28:41Sam Morril?

  Laziness, it's insane.

• 28:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:43Sam Morril?

  It's like consider, the girls I, the girl I see now is like, yeah, that'd be like weird if you shaved, you know?

• 28:48Mark Normand?

  Yes. My wife says the same thing. If I shaved.

• 28:50Sam Morril?

  It's unmanly.

• 28:51Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 28:51Sam Morril?

  Which is great because I get to just be a lazy bitch.

• 28:53Mark Normand?

  I know. And they don't want any pub work done. So you're like, great.

• 28:57Sam Morril?

  You gotta trim, I gotta trim my pubes a little.

• 28:58Mark Normand?

  All right.

• 28:59Sam Morril?

  I know all the listeners are wondering, so I'm telling you.

• 29:02Mark Normand?

  Not me.

• 29:02Sam Morril?

  You gotta, you don't do, you got nothing?

• 29:04Mark Normand?

  I maybe I'll hit ahead of the shaft to give myself an extra half inch because I need every inch I can get, but that's about it. Sometimes it'll go out here and I give that a trim to keep it.

• 29:14Sam Morril?

  It's a little weird when it starts spreading.

• 29:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:17Sam Morril?

  Like COVID in the early days. Like, what are we doing? But yeah, I think just, you just don't want to be too bushy, especially like, I just want it to be pleasant if someone has to go down there.

• 29:25Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure. But you don't want the pricks. You know, when you get the, the regrowth?

• 29:29Sam Morril?

  Well, that's where you put the, the trimmer blade on top of it. So you don't go all the way down.

• 29:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. I'm going full bomb squad down there.

• 29:36Sam Morril?

  You're gonna get fucking razor bumps that look like something else. You don't want that shit.

• 29:40Mark Normand?

  I've definitely nicked myself. Have you ever nicked a sack?

• 29:42Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it fucking hurts.

• 29:43Mark Normand?

  That is a nightmare.

• 29:44Sam Morril?

  You're always worried it's gonna slide out. It's fucking awful. A sack nick?

• 29:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:49Sam Morril?

  It's so, it's the most delicate part.

• 29:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 29:51Sam Morril?

  That sack is fucking delicate.

• 29:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 29:53Mark Normand?

  It really is.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  Inside and outside.

• 29:55Mark Normand?

  But it looks like an elephant skin. It looks like it could take a, a knife, like chain mail.

• 30:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 30:00Mark Normand?

  But it's, it's pretty delicate.

• 30:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's, it can't do much. You, you know where to kick us, ladies.

• 30:05Mark Normand?

  Well, you know I tore my sack open in college.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  Tell us more.

• 30:08Sam Morril?

  Did it fall out?

• 30:09Mark Normand?

  No, but I saw it. I saw a ball.

• 30:11Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 30:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's crazy looking. I never told this?

• 30:15Speaker 02

  No.

• 30:15Mark Normand?

  Ah, so I was, uh, at LSU. I was at a party in a guy's apartment. People everywhere, music, you know, you've seen parties. And I'm, and I'm making out with this girl on the couch. And this guy comes up with like three buddies, you know, frat guy polo, boat shoes. And they're like, that's my fucking girlfriend, man. I'm like, wow, she was, uh, she was making out with me. And they're like, outside now. And, you know, she was just like, get him, Bobby. I was like, fuck bitch.

• 30:42Sam Morril?

  You were on my side a second ago.

• 30:43Mark Normand?

  Thought we had something. So we go outside and it's literally like four or five guys like, oh, you, you, you got it coming, buddy. And I was like, bring it on, homo.

• 30:51Sam Morril?

  Why were you so confident?

• 30:53Mark Normand?

  Because I was about to jump the fence. I'd already planned it out. And I was way hammered, like just beyond hammered.

• 31:00Sam Morril?

  That's when the confidence comes. I've definitely talked some shit that I could not back up.

• 31:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, same, same. Uh, I'll tell you another fight later. But so I go, bring it on. And right when they start walking towards me, I just, hop the fence, but it was a fence with the, the chain link with the spikes on the top, you know? And I did a straddle, fell down like on a, like a horse ride, and then just rolled off the other side. And I was hanging by my jeans. I died laughing. And I was so drunk, I was like upside down, hanging and the pants went and ripped. I hit the ground. They're like, look at this fucking, you know, they went nuts. And I ran home in shame.

• 31:35Sam Morril?

  You fucked yourself up.

• 31:35Mark Normand?

  I fucked myself up.

• 31:36Sam Morril?

  That is crazy. It's fu, when you fuck yourself up so badly and they don't even want to fuck you up.

• 31:40Mark Normand?

  Right. Yes, yes.

• 31:41Sam Morril?

  They're like, all right, he's had it hard enough.

• 31:43Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 31:44Sam Morril?

  That's brutal.

• 31:45Mark Normand?

  So I ran home, tail between the legs, ball bag. And I got home and I was telling my friends, I lived in a house with a bunch of guys. I passed out. I woke up, pool of blood.

• 31:54Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 31:55Mark Normand?

  And I was so hungover and I had, my alarm went off and I had work. I was a waiter. It's like, ah. So I just threw my work shirt on and changed my pants and went to work. And now I'm at work. The rush is kind of kicking in, like the, the lunch rush. And my balls were stinging. I was like, what is this sting? I didn't remember anything. I go to the bathroom. I look, my sack is torn open. The skin was black because it had, you know, the skin dies or whatever. So I had a, a big black flap coming off my bag. And I told my, my manager, he was a knobhead.

• 32:24Sam Morril?

  The movie Obsession where you wish for a black cock? You're like, "Not, not like this."

• 32:28Mark Normand?

  No, no. So I told my, uh, my boss, he had a mustache, he was a nom vet, and I go, I forgot his name, Jer, Mr. Jared something. I go, "Look, I gotta go, I gotta go to the hospital." He's like, "Yo, you've said this shit before. You're not going anywhere, buddy. We got a lunch rush. We're short-staffed." And I go, "Come in the bathroom." I showed him my sack. He goes, "Get the fuck out of here."

• 32:46Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 32:46Mark Normand?

  "Get the fuck out of here." And I ran to the, uh, medic on the campus.

• 32:50Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 32:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:51Sam Morril?

  He has a flashback. He starts screaming. "Not again."

• 32:54Mark Normand?

  Charlie, he got you. So, uh, yeah, I went to the doctor and he was like, gee, it was one of those things where you pass out in the waiting room because it took so long.

• 33:02Sam Morril?

  Thank God it wasn't too late.

• 33:04Mark Normand?

  Well, that's what he said. He's like, "Man, you're lucky you got here in time. You'd have to lose a ball." And I was like, "Jesus Christ."

• 33:08Sam Morril?

  Oh my God, then you would have to be the one ball guy.

• 33:10Mark Normand?

  I'm Hitler.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  Hitler had one ball.

• 33:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 33:12Sam Morril?

  I heard that's why I did it.

• 33:14Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. So they just stitched me up and I watched them stitch me up.

• 33:17Sam Morril?

  Oh.

• 33:17Mark Normand?

  They put a needle in it, Novocain. I was like, "Can't you knock me out?" They're like, "We can't knock you out for some reason." Stitched me up. I watched the whole thing.

• 33:24Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 33:25Mark Normand?

  And then a hot girl, of course, a hot nurse, had to put cream on it after.

• 33:28Sam Morril?

  And I bet you shriveled up like a cow.

• 33:30Mark Normand?

  I was so shriveled.

• 33:31Sam Morril?

  I've been there. Yeah, I remember I had, I had a little, uh, breakout on the old ween.

• 33:36Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 33:36Sam Morril?

  And it was the worst my dicks ever looked. And a hot nurse came in. I was like, "God damn it."

• 33:41Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 33:42Sam Morril?

  It shrivels under pressure.

• 33:43Mark Normand?

  It totally does. It's a biological thing. It's protecting you.

• 33:46Sam Morril?

  If it's like, if it's like a night out, it's different. But if it's like a doctor situation, you're like, "Oh, I'm fucking nervous." Everyone's looking at me.

• 33:51Mark Normand?

  Hot lights on you.

• 33:52Sam Morril?

  That's a good sign that you shrivel up. You don't wanna, you don't wanna be the dude who fucking, who chubs out in public.

• 33:57Mark Normand?

  I guess so.

• 33:58Sam Morril?

  That's the fucking subway masturbator right there.

• 34:00Mark Normand?

  Right. Yeah, true. But yeah, it's funny, my kid, you know, tiny dick, he's two, but he hates getting shampoo in his hair because I have to, you know, wash it out in the tub. So he's standing up in the tub like, "Ah," because the shampoo's going everywhere. And I watch his dick go, "Whew," because he's like, he's freaking out. So he's, he's got normal dick and then it goes, because of the shampoo part.

• 34:21Sam Morril?

  That's hilarious.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  Well, that's also a biological imperative. It's a fight or flight.

• 34:24Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 34:25Speaker 02

  You're about to go into battle. Your brain and your body's saying, "You're about to go into battle. Tuck everything in."

• 34:29Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 34:29Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 34:30Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  You don't wanna get that caught out there, you know, on a fence or whatever.

• 34:33Mark Normand?

  I got pantsed in, uh, grade school and I was tucked. And oh my God, I never lived that one down.

• 34:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's, you, you made it past it.

• 34:41Mark Normand?

  I had to change schools.

• 34:43Sam Morril?

  Dude, I, I remember I got into a, I talked shit with a guy once. I was hammered. I'm leaving, remember Arlo and Esme?

• 34:49Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 34:51Sam Morril?

  Classic downtown bar. I was leaving there just shithoused and I was with a girl. We hit it off, we're leaving and I'm trying to get a cab to go back to her place. And some dude just cuts right in front of me. And I was like, "Dude, you cut right in front of me." Like, nice at first. And then he was like, "Fuck you."

• 35:08Mark Normand?

  Oh, boy.

• 35:09Sam Morril?

  And then she looked at me. I was like, "I gotta, I gotta nut up."

• 35:12Mark Normand?

  You gotta do something.

• 35:13Sam Morril?

  So I was like, I was like, "What the fuck you say?" I just talked shit back. I was hammered. I was like, "I don't know if I could beat this dude up. Maybe not."

• 35:19Mark Normand?

  Big guy, little guy, white guy, black guy?

• 35:21Sam Morril?

  He was probably like, similar-ish to me, but I was like, I was pretty fucked up.

• 35:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:26Sam Morril?

  I don't know if I could have taken him, but I definitely could have taken a few hits. I was that level drunk. And, uh, and he was like, "What the fuck?" And I go, I go, I go, "You don't wanna fucking find out what's gonna happen if you take this fucking cab."

• 35:36Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 35:37Sam Morril?

  And she looked at me like, and, and, and he just bitched out and walked away. And she looked at me like, "Holy shit." And I was like, I looked, I don't think I could have taken him.

• 35:45Mark Normand?

  Well done. Oh, my God. What the hell is this?

• 35:49Sam Morril?

  Who's this guy?

• 35:50Mark Normand?

  Some kind of surprise crash break-in?

• 35:55Sam Morril?

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• 36:36Sam Morril?

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• 37:00Mark Normand?

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• 37:43Mark Normand?

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• 38:25Mark Normand?

  you completely change as a person? Before kickoff, you're chilling, relaxed, maybe a little bored. Then you lock your picks in. Now you're standing three feet from the TV because somehow that's helping. You're Googling weather reports for a stadium eight states away. You're screaming, "Just throw it to them. Come on, you fat son of a B." Like you got a direct line to the QB. I love that. I honestly think that's the best part of sports. Not the outcome, the sweat. The stretch between making your pick and finding out if you're a genius. That's why I play. And for those of us who watch to sit up and not sit back, it's got to be Underdog. So this season, don't just watch. Lock in with Underdog and give every game a pulse.

• 39:10Mark Normand?

  Download Underdog to play. Keep your millions. Start with one million, make it through all 20 picks and walk away with whatever's left. Hey, that's good. Underdog. Unleash your dog.

• 39:24Mark Normand?

  That's a pretty weak dog. Trading involves risk, including total loss on positions. Content is promotional and not a recommendation to trade. Terms apply. Promotion issued by affiliate. Underdog.

• 39:37Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 39:38Sam Morril?

  Quince. Getting dressed for the fall should be easy. A good sweater, pants that fit, a jacket that keeps you warm. Somehow buying those three things can cost you more than your vacation. Quince makes high-quality staples using premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere. That's a good cashmere, I guess.

• 39:55Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:56Sam Morril?

  Organic cotton, merino wool. You know I love merino wool.

• 39:59Mark Normand?

  That's the best wool.

• 40:00Sam Morril?

  That's that wool keeps your feet nice and warm in the winter.

• 40:03Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 40:04Sam Morril?

  Love merino wool. Their cashmere sweaters start at 60 bucks. That's wild. They also have premium down jackets, classic wool outerwear for when the temperature drops. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen. So you're paying for quality instead of the brand markup. That's right, no kid labor, I would, I think. Sounds like no kid labor. Is it ethical, right? Uh, no animal testing, probably ethical.

• 40:31Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 40:31Sam Morril?

  I, I wear their shit all the time.

• 40:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Quince.

• 40:34Sam Morril?

  I love it, dude. I, it's quality, it fits right, and it's not expensive. I, I love it. And I like what, like, when it's not the logo everywhere on it.

• 40:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 40:42Sam Morril?

  It's got, it's got everything going for it. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns now available in Canada and the UK as well. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was We Might Be Drunk. It's the best way to support the show. Quince.

• 41:02Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 41:03Speaker 03

  Hey.

• 41:05Mark Normand?

  What's shaking?

• 41:06Speaker 03

  Good to see you, mate.

• 41:07Mark Normand?

  Hey, you too, fatty.

• 41:09Sam Morril?

  I've only had half a drink, but am I seeing double already? This is crazy.

• 41:12Mark Normand?

  It's like the Spider-Man meme.

• 41:15Mark Normand?

  What are you doing?

• 41:16Speaker 03

  Sam Bones got a new special air.

• 41:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Netflix.

• 41:20Speaker 03

  Nice one, Sam, tonight.

• 41:24Sam Morril?

  This is, this is much more mellow, Mark.

• 41:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:27Speaker 03

  Had a couple Quaaludes.

• 41:30Speaker 03

  Took nine city bikes to get here, did 13 spots.

• 41:33Sam Morril?

  Wow. That's, that's an off night for you, buddy.

• 41:35Mark Normand?

  You got any new stuff working?

• 41:37Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, just had a, a birthday.

• 41:40Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 41:40Speaker 03

  Turned another gay year.

• 41:41Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 41:42Speaker 03

  You're gay. Still on the Quaaludes.

• 41:45Mark Normand?

  All right. What are you promoting?

• 41:49Speaker 03

  Oh, I got a, uh, I got a, uh, Down Syndrome friend with a special.

• 41:54Mark Normand?

  Special needs.

• 41:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, special nee, oh, not, not the, the, my other counterpart.

• 41:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, got a, uh, got a little T-shirt for you guys.

• 42:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, hey, thanks. Look at this. Uh-oh, hold on. What does that say?

• 42:11Speaker 02

  Crazy Pizza.

• 42:13Mark Normand?

  Nice.

• 42:14Sam Morril?

  Whoa, okay.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  Is that Jeremiah Watkins' special?

• 42:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, that guy. He sucks.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  He's got Down Syndrome or, uh, he's autistic or something.

• 42:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, big nose, kinda weird looking.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:25Mark Normand?

  Gangly.

• 42:26Sam Morril?

  Weird energy.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, Jew kinda guy, yeah.

• 42:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 42:29Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 42:29Sam Morril?

  Nice guy, though.

• 42:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, very nice.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  Nice, strange energy.

• 42:34Speaker 02

  AI Norman, can you tell me about your hair transplant?

• 42:36Speaker 03

  Oh, just got back from Turkey.

• 42:38Sam Morril?

  It looks good.

• 42:39Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it looks great.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, coming in nice and full, nice, thick and black. Other ladies like it.

• 42:46Sam Morril?

  How was that flight?

• 42:47Speaker 03

  Uh, you know, a lot of ethnics on it.

• 42:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. That'll get you.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, but, uh, my, uh, head was twice the size on the way back.

• 42:57Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 42:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. So that was, uh, good for the wife, good for the kid. Freaked him out a little bit.

• 43:04Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 43:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:07Mark Normand?

  Well, it looks good now.

• 43:08Speaker 03

  Thank you. You look great.

• 43:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah, thank you. Thank, it's coming in.

• 43:11Speaker 03

  Coming in real strong.

• 43:12Mark Normand?

  Appreciate it.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:13Mark Normand?

  Give me two more weeks. I'll be good to go.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  All right, all right.

• 43:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Yours looks better than mine. It's going down on the forehead there.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm doing the, uh, the forward-facing airline.

• 43:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, the push forward?

• 43:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I got the, I got-

• 43:26Sam Morril?

  It's not that curly. You're a little curlier.

• 43:27Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 43:28Speaker 03

  I got the turkey with cheese.

• 43:31Mark Normand?

  Well, we're gonna have to quit cold turkey here. Hey, what's this?

• 43:36Sam Morril?

  Oh, boy. Oh, my God, three. This is cra-

• 43:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's you.

• 43:41Sam Morril?

  No, this isn't me. This is you.

• 43:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, I guess that's me. You're right.

• 43:44Speaker 03

  That pup is a stud.

• 43:48Mark Normand?

  Not bad.

• 43:48Sam Morril?

  Look at that.

• 43:49Mark Normand?

  Fist it.

• 43:50Sam Morril?

  Not bad.

• 43:52Mark Normand?

  If you could fart right now, I'd blow you.

• 43:57Sam Morril?

  Let's see how good he can do this impression.

• 43:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:00Sam Morril?

  How well?

• 44:01Speaker 03

  I don't know. I don't know if I got one in the chamber or not.

• 44:03Mark Normand?

  Alright, gas chamber.

• 44:05Sam Morril?

  You gotta commit. If you wanna really do Mark Norman, you gotta eat Chipotle like four times a week.

• 44:10Mark Normand?

  Try to eat.

• 44:10Sam Morril?

  You gotta get the gas cooking.

• 44:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, I've eaten worse shit.

• 44:14Mark Normand?

  On stage. There you go. What are you doing in town there, me?

• 44:19Speaker 03

  Uh, you know, making the rounds, doing forty shows a night, yeah.

• 44:23Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 44:24Mark Normand?

  Well, you know, AI, the data centers are taking over the water. It's bad news.

• 44:28Speaker 03

  I know, the hard drives are getting all swallowed up and then they got Jew honkers on this guy over here.

• 44:35Mark Normand?

  Good name for his special, Jew honker.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  Jew honker.

• 44:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, or a Volkswagen.

• 44:39Sam Morril?

  That would be your woman, dude.

• 44:41Mark Normand?

  What?

• 44:42Sam Morril?

  A Jew with a honker?

• 44:43Mark Normand?

  Oh, I would love that.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  That's your type.

• 44:44Mark Normand?

  Love a Jew honker.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, love him.

• 44:47Mark Normand?

  Big honking schnoz.

• 44:49Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 44:50Mark Normand?

  Adrian Brody in a wig, woo.

• 44:51Sam Morril?

  Would ya?

• 44:52Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 44:54Speaker 03

  I don't know if my dick would get past the nose, though.

• 44:59Mark Normand?

  Alright. Oh, there he is. Look at that. That's a handsome woman.

• 45:04Speaker 03

  Ah, yeah.

• 45:05Speaker 02

  Oh, look, he did blackface.

• 45:06Mark Normand?

  Is that right?

• 45:07Speaker 02

  Look at that.

• 45:08Mark Normand?

  Whoa, we just stumbled upon something here.

• 45:10Sam Morril?

  No, that was like, I think that was an SNL thing where he was, it was not great.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  He tried to bury that photo. A bribe called quest.

• 45:16Mark Normand?

  Hey, I'll take it. Wow, blackface. Was he Lenny Kravitz there or?

• 45:23Speaker 02

  I don't know. I think he was just doing Jamaican thing.

• 45:25Mark Normand?

  Ah, Jamaican man.

• 45:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, man. Well, uh, thanks for having me, boys.

• 45:29Mark Normand?

  Hey, come on. Thanks for popping in.

• 45:31Speaker 03

  I hope you enjoy the, uh, the T-shirt. Hope you enjoy the, uh, the special from that special needs guy, Jeremiah Watkins.

• 45:37Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah, go watch Jeremiah Watkins' new special, Crazy Pizza.

• 45:41Mark Normand?

  Yes, check it out on YouTube now. Jeremiah's a good egg. He does that show where we all do material.

• 45:48Sam Morril?

  Stand up on the spot.

• 45:49Mark Normand?

  He gets all the views. Yeah.

• 45:50Sam Morril?

  I gotta do it again.

• 45:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's a great show.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  He, uh, he hit you up. He wants you to do it back. Run it back again.

• 45:55Sam Morril?

  I'm coming back.

• 45:56Speaker 03

  Alright, baby.

• 45:57Sam Morril?

  I'll be there, dude.

• 45:57Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 45:58Mark Normand?

  Alright, thank you, me.

• 46:00Speaker 03

  Love you, guys.

• 46:01Mark Normand?

  Take it easy, fatty.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  I'm gay. I'm Kevin Hart.

• 46:03Mark Normand?

  I'm wearing this home.

• 46:04Speaker 02

  Can I get comedy?

• 46:05Mark Normand?

  Can I have this?

• 46:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's yours.

• 46:06Mark Normand?

  You sure?

• 46:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:07Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Can I get a comedy on three, guys? One, two, three.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  Comedy.

• 46:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:15Speaker 03

  That felt right.

• 46:16Mark Normand?

  Hell, yeah.

• 46:16Speaker 03

  It felt gayer than, uh, Power Rangers somehow.

• 46:20Mark Normand?

  Good to have you back.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  Alright.

• 46:28Mark Normand?

  Still got it. How do you slide back into a pod after? I don't know.

• 46:32Sam Morril?

  I don't remember what we were talking about. What were we talking about?

• 46:34Mark Normand?

  What were we talking about? Black hair, butt hair?

• 46:38Sam Morril?

  Drunk confidence.

• 46:39Mark Normand?

  Drunk fist fighting. And you, you beat the guy. You won.

• 46:42Sam Morril?

  Well, he backed down. I didn't win.

• 46:44Mark Normand?

  You played crazy. That's the trick.

• 46:46Sam Morril?

  I acted fearless.

• 46:47Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 46:48Sam Morril?

  I did, I did another time too. I've lucked out twice. It was at the Village Lantern where a guy kept, there was like four people in the crowd. Remember the Village Lantern?

• 46:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, of course.

• 46:55Sam Morril?

  And you know, you don't know if you're getting fifteen people or four.

• 46:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:59Sam Morril?

  And he got me at the lowest. He got me at the absolute lowest point. I'm bombed. I mean, I had bombed. You know when you're doing too many bad shows in a row?

• 47:06Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 47:06Sam Morril?

  You just start to lose it?

• 47:07Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 47:08Sam Morril?

  Like, you know, you start to just fucking, like, I haven't had a good set in, in a while. He turned to me immediately. First couple of jokes don't work. There's four people in there. He turns to me immediately and he's just shit talking me the whole set.

• 47:19Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 47:20Sam Morril?

  And I got nothing to stand on. When there's four people in there, so finally I just fucking snapped, put the mic down and go, you wanna go outside, motherfucker? I just fucking lost it.

• 47:28Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 47:29Sam Morril?

  And he, and he's with friends and he said, no.

• 47:32Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 47:33Sam Morril?

  And I was like, so I thought, bitch, and I walked out. And I didn't feel good.

• 47:36Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 47:36Sam Morril?

  Cause I was like, that was crazy. Why would I do that? But you, but comedy would put you to that fucking breaking point where you're like, I've lost my fucking mind.

• 47:43Mark Normand?

  Yes. I, I'm totally with you. And I'm like, I'm in this vulnerable moment and you're shitting on me? What did I do to you?

• 47:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was, a lot of those nights.

• 47:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:53Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, that's one of those walks home where you're like, that, none of this is good.

• 47:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 47:59Sam Morril?

  And I'm lucky I didn't get just rolled by four dudes.

• 48:03Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure. But what, who are these guys? Like, what did the cab guy look like? Like, it's weird to say fuck you to a stranger.

• 48:09Sam Morril?

  I don't remember. I was fucking bombed.

• 48:11Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 48:12Sam Morril?

  You just get lucky you didn't get your ass kicked.

• 48:14Mark Normand?

  I know, I know. Uh, I was at a house party, again, in college, at my friend's house. Jared and a couple of other guys showed up and I could hear the murmuring. These guys are from the sticks of Louisiana, these guys, like tough tree climbing kids, I call them. They, they played on the, the river and they climbed trees. They were always outside, camping kids. They were tough as hell. Skinny little kids, but they were tough. They was at a party, these other guys showed up and they were like fucking with everything. And my friend goes, Gabe, goes, hey, uh, you guys are gonna have to leave. And it was probably like seven of them. And they were like, we're not going anywhere. And they're like going in the fridge and drinking all the booze. And Gabe was, alright, we don't want any trouble. Boom! And head butts the guy right in the nose.

• 48:57Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 48:57Mark Normand?

  Nose explodes. I was like, whoa, shit. And then they all just start going at it. And, uh, yeah, it was incredible. And, but you would never see it coming. These guys.

• 49:06Sam Morril?

  See, I feel like if I did that, I would just be like, ow, fuck, my head.

• 49:09Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 49:10Sam Morril?

  Oh, take whatever you want.

• 49:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah. And they, they ran out of there, like.

• 49:13Sam Morril?

  A confident headbutt? Is there anything more badass than that?

• 49:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:16Sam Morril?

  Cause you, you, that's like the sacrifice bunt of fighting.

• 49:20Mark Normand?

  Completely.

• 49:20Sam Morril?

  You're taking one.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 49:22Sam Morril?

  You're taking one for the team here.

• 49:23Speaker 02

  Well, I gotta say, headbutt properly done is not head to head.

• 49:26Sam Morril?

  But it still fucking hurts.

• 49:27Speaker 02

  It's head to nose.

• 49:28Mark Normand?

  And the nose is soft.

• 49:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, if you do this right into someone's softy nose, it doesn't hurt you that much.

• 49:33Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 49:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. But also it's a risk. It devastated the guy. He was just like, ah, and he went down.

• 49:38Sam Morril?

  But if you don't land it properly, you could really fuck your head up, right?

• 49:40Mark Normand?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 49:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:41Mark Normand?

  And then to do it off guard, like, what's that adrenaline feeling? Alright, don't worry. Bam! No one saw it coming. Blood everywhere.

• 49:48Sam Morril?

  That's awesome.

• 49:49Mark Normand?

  It was pretty cool.

• 49:50Sam Morril?

  And did he win the fight?

• 49:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Those guys ran out of there, like, with their tail between their legs, just, oh shit, alright, alright. It was like a movie. It looked like the scene in, uh, Bronx Tale where they beat up the bikers.

• 49:59Sam Morril?

  That scene is so fucking cool.

• 50:01Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:02Sam Morril?

  Now you can't leave.

• 50:03Mark Normand?

  And the thing about fighting, it, you're like, that was crazy. Holy shit. The whole thing probably lasted fifty-one seconds.

• 50:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 50:10Mark Normand?

  And I had a beer in my hand and I was like, wow, that's crazy. And then it's over.

• 50:13Sam Morril?

  Think about the shape most people are in.

• 50:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true.

• 50:17Sam Morril?

  You watch boxers. Those guys are so fit. When, when boxers are getting tired by the fifth round, you're like, that's his job.

• 50:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, good point.

• 50:24Sam Morril?

  And you think you can just go, like, you get winded, man.

• 50:27Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. You see heavyweights a lot. They're like gassed, you know? There's just too much mass to move around.

• 50:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, I mean, I get gassed from like half court basketball. So it's like, you're gonna get fucking gassed from a fight.

• 50:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 50:40Sam Morril?

  You know?

• 50:40Mark Normand?

  And I used to, when I boxed, I would always get so tired and the trainer was like, you're squeezing your fists. That's using all your energy. And I was like, that's using my energy? This? He's like, yeah, you got, that's why people box like that. Cause you squeeze the fists and it's, takes half your shit away.

• 50:55Sam Morril?

  Same with baseball. They tell you not to swing too hard, right? Because, I mean, I guess at the major leagues, they could fucking, Bonds probably didn't have to swing with everything.

• 51:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 51:04Sam Morril?

  But he still did.

• 51:05Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 51:06Sam Morril?

  But you don't need to just like kill it. You fucking, you swing properly. Like, look up like Ken Griffey Jr. swing. That's not like everything. He just was smooth as fuck.

• 51:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah. You see that guy suing at the MLB?

• 51:18Sam Morril?

  What happened?

• 51:19Mark Normand?

  He slid into the fence and cut his knee open or something?

• 51:21Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 51:22Mark Normand?

  First guy to ever sue him. First player of all time.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  He's suing the team specifically for not putting soft stuff on them.

• 51:29Mark Normand?

  Suing the team? His team?

• 51:31Speaker 02

  No, the other team.

• 51:31Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 51:32Sam Morril?

  Who is this?

• 51:34Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he slid into a fence and he caught the ball, but he, the fence was sharp.

• 51:39Sam Morril?

  And he, how long is he injured for?

• 51:41Mark Normand?

  I think he'll be alright. I think he'll be alright. But he's, he was hurt. He was hurt pretty bad. He'll be, uh, back on the next game, I bet.

• 51:49Sam Morril?

  Let's see.

• 51:49Mark Normand?

  Detroit Tigers. Alright, pop fly way out there. He's running for it. Slides, catch it. Oh, there he goes.

• 51:58Speaker 02

  His pants are cut. He hit his knee really hard.

• 52:01Mark Normand?

  Cut through the pants.

• 52:02Sam Morril?

  That's badass.

• 52:03Speaker 02

  So he's suing the other club for not protecting the fence area properly.

• 52:07Mark Normand?

  Pretty cool he caught it, though. Yeah, so he's alright, but.

• 52:11Sam Morril?

  Sucks, so, yeah, he's already like, fuck.

• 52:12Mark Normand?

  You ever need a radiator?

• 52:14Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:15Mark Normand?

  That's the worst feeling. I bet that's what that's kinda like.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:18Mark Normand?

  Ooh, that hurts.

• 52:21Sam Morril?

  I remember I dough for a ball in high school in left field and it got by me. It was the worst feeling.

• 52:26Mark Normand?

  Ooh.

• 52:27Sam Morril?

  It was the worst fucking feeling. I was like, I'm going for this shit.

• 52:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:30Sam Morril?

  I wanna be a hero. And then I was like, that was an inside the park homerun.

• 52:34Sam Morril?

  Sorry, guys.

• 52:35Mark Normand?

  That is the worst. He's just out there alone with shame. I went to a basketball game with List. Uh, what's that? What's that team called? College?

• 52:45Sam Morril?

  St. John's?

• 52:46Mark Normand?

  No, where the, the Knicks all went.

• 52:48Sam Morril?

  Oh, Villanova.

• 52:49Mark Normand?

  Villanova. I went to a Villanova game. Is that DC?

• 52:52Sam Morril?

  Philly.

• 52:53Mark Normand?

  Shit. Where's Gonzaga?

• 52:55Sam Morril?

  Gonzaga's in like Washington State.

• 52:57Mark Normand?

  What's, uh, was it?

• 52:58Sam Morril?

  Georgetown?

• 52:59Mark Normand?

  Nah, maybe.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  UConn?

• 53:01Mark Normand?

  Basketball?

• 53:02Sam Morril?

  You said DC. Is it Georgetown?

• 53:03Mark Normand?

  I thought it was DC. Maybe it was Georgetown. So we got tickets to this game, me and List go, and they do the, the gun, the T-shirt gun. And a guy, a guy, I think we made eye contact. He sent it right to me and I was like, woo, baby, this is gonna be great. Went right through the fingers, hit the guy behind me and the guy was like, what happened there? And I was like, ah, it went right through my fingers. And he was like, oh. And List never let it down.

• 53:26Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 53:26Mark Normand?

  The whole day. He was like, boy, you really missed that one. That was bad.

• 53:29Sam Morril?

  You blew it!

• 53:30Mark Normand?

  Completely blew it. I was so, uh, emasculated. Bummer.

• 53:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I've definitely had it where you're on stage and I'm like, hey, I forgot a water. Did someone hit me with water? And they throw it to you and you're like, fuck, I better not drop this.

• 53:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god. Too much pressure.

• 53:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's the pressure moment in front of everybody.

• 53:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I don't even like missing a basket on the garbage. That's a shitty feeling, too.

• 53:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's, it's all bad. Also, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, when you're catching that, you gotta, you gotta make sure you don't. Hold it up like this, so you don't lose it.

• 53:55Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 53:57Sam Morril?

  So they tell you, in basketball, they always tell you to catch like this, so you're just ready to shoot. But it's also so it doesn't bolt and so it go through your hands and hit you in the face.

• 54:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's why these mixologists are so impressive.

• 54:06Sam Morril?

  Oh my god, have you seen that Japanese guy?

• 54:08Mark Normand?

  No, pull it up.

• 54:09Sam Morril?

  Oh my god, he's like the mixologist, he does crazy shit. But then sometimes I'm like, yeah, but there's nothing wrong with just a whiskey.

• 54:15Mark Normand?

  I know, I know, we don't need this.

• 54:17Sam Morril?

  We don't need fucking pomegranate and shaved ginger.

• 54:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:20Sam Morril?

  But it's, but and they're doing ice sculpting, it's, it's an artist.

• 54:24Mark Normand?

  It is.

• 54:24Sam Morril?

  Though, it's like, I get it. Yeah, that might be him. Oh my god, this guy's ridiculous, pull this.

• 54:32Sam Morril?

  I mean, the music adds to it, too, so dramatic.

• 54:35Mark Normand?

  Whoa, so Japanese.

• 54:38Sam Morril?

  There's, there's a thing about excellence in that culture.

• 54:41Mark Normand?

  Oh, a hundred percent.

• 54:42Sam Morril?

  Like, they really are like, everything's gotta be perfect.

• 54:44Mark Normand?

  Yep, great steak, great whiskey.

• 54:47Sam Morril?

  Look at that, already, this is awesome.

• 54:48Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 54:51Sam Morril?

  If he fucks up, he takes that knife and goes.

• 54:53Mark Normand?

  Oh, Harry Carey.

• 54:57Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 54:58Sam Morril?

  I wanna see where this is going. He just puts a Celsius in there?

• 55:04Mark Normand?

  Is that a Capri Sun?

• 55:07Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 55:08Sam Morril?

  Ooh, the spinning, getting a nice and, ooh, that's cool.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  That's just a shot. He's just made a goddamn shot.

• 55:16Sam Morril?

  No, no, no.

• 55:17Mark Normand?

  That was it?

• 55:18Sam Morril?

  That was it, that was whack, there's gotta be a better one.

• 55:21Mark Normand?

  That'd be great.

• 55:21Sam Morril?

  Samurai bartender, I mean, I'm not saying I could do the ice thing, but.

• 55:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:25Sam Morril?

  But I was expecting, now, now we're talking, I wanna see a cocktail.

• 55:28Mark Normand?

  Okay, okay.

• 55:28Sam Morril?

  See some magic.

• 55:33Mark Normand?

  Oh, nice little wrist twist.

• 55:34Sam Morril?

  Although, I hate a fucking drink like this, I hate those types of glasses, don't you feel like a fucking pussy when you?

• 55:38Mark Normand?

  Of course.

• 55:39Sam Morril?

  Whenever they, you ever order a paper plane and they give you one of those like?

• 55:42Mark Normand?

  Yes!

• 55:43Sam Morril?

  And I'm like, give me on the rocks, I don't want that shit.

• 55:45Mark Normand?

  Give me one of these.

• 55:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that, also, you feel like you're getting gypped, that's a thimble.

• 55:50Sam Morril?

  What, what is that there?

• 55:52Speaker 02

  I don't know, I drink the shit out of that, whatever that is.

• 55:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it looks like white chocolate or milky or something. I mean, I don't know what he made, but.

• 55:59Mark Normand?

  I don't know, I gotta say, I don't know about this guy, he's doing a lot of, a whole lot of nothing. All right, all right.

• 56:04Sam Morril?

  That was too much, all right, I, I, maybe I misremembered this, I thought this was cool, I must've seen a cooler one he did, because those are both kinda weak.

• 56:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's just, he looks good doing it, but I'm like, it's, it's a lot of sleight of hand.

• 56:14Sam Morril?

  I don't need lavender sprayed over my cocktail, just make the fucking drink.

• 56:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 56:18Sam Morril?

  I also realize, I just, I never really like, I never order a specialty cocktail, I just always get a classic. If I, I usually, I either drink straight, or I get like a martini, or a Manhattan, or like a Negroni, I, I never stray from that.

• 56:30Mark Normand?

  No, same, and also, each cocktail, they go, oh, young people aren't drinking, maybe because each drink is twenty-six dollars.

• 56:37Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 56:37Mark Normand?

  For a fucking glass of, a shot of whiskey.

• 56:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I don't need saffron in the fucking cocktail, it's ridiculous, it's too much shit.

• 56:43Mark Normand?

  I know, blackberry.

• 56:45Sam Morril?

  It's a risk.

• 56:46Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 56:46Sam Morril?

  You don't wanna take a twenty-six dollar risk.

• 56:48Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 56:49Sam Morril?

  When you know the other thing's gonna be awesome.

• 56:50Mark Normand?

  I know, and that's why I'm like, just give me a vodka soda, give me a tequila soda, give me a whiskey soda, cuz it's just, I don't need the hazelberry and the herb saint and all this other shit.

• 57:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we were at a bar in Stockholm, and I, and I was like, meh, fuck, we've been drinking a lot of regular, let's roll the dice on something, and we did, and they both kinda sucked.

• 57:07Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 57:08Sam Morril?

  I hadn't done it in forever, but I was like, yeah, we're in a foreign country, let's see, maybe they got a thing, nah.

• 57:12Mark Normand?

  Nah, nah, it's always weak.

• 57:14Sam Morril?

  If it's like infused, I'll fuck with that, if they're like, we got like a Bloody Mary, but the vodka's infused with horseradish, I'm like, all right, I'll, I'll try, I'll try. If it's not strained too much, if you're just adding to like, something already good.

• 57:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 57:26Sam Morril?

  It's like stand-up, I don't need too many bells and whistles, just fucking do a new spin on a joke.

• 57:31Mark Normand?

  Same, same with a BJ, you know, these guys like, put a Robitussin in her mouth, and a candle in her ass.

• 57:36Sam Morril?

  That one I've heard is pretty good, actually.

• 57:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 57:37Sam Morril?

  Robitussin, yeah, it's.

• 57:38Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 57:39Sam Morril?

  Flues out the sinuses, yeah, it's nice.

• 57:40Mark Normand?

  Oh, Motesson.

• 57:41Sam Morril?

  No, I don't know.

• 57:41Mark Normand?

  Is that Shake It Up, Motesson?

• 57:43Sam Morril?

  Motesson, classic.

• 57:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah, just, just blow me, how about that? If it ain't broke.

• 57:50Mark Normand?

  Get the chloroceptive numbing spray. Oh, the sex addict is back, I forgot.

• 57:55Sam Morril?

  I forgot you were a swinger.

• 57:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah. The, the spray for like sore throats, it numbs the back of their throat, deep throat, like nobody. Whoa, we gotta get your wife in here.

• 58:04Sam Morril?

  This is insane, chloroceptive.

• 58:06Mark Normand?

  This guy, that's a great commercial for the medicine. Spray in your girlfriend's throat, deep throat.

• 58:13Sam Morril?

  What a pitch.

• 58:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 58:15Sam Morril?

  Aren't you worried that they could like choke or something, get hurt?

• 58:19Sam Morril?

  No?

• 58:19Mark Normand?

  You can't know.

• 58:20Sam Morril?

  Damn. All right.

• 58:22Mark Normand?

  She'll be fine, yeah.

• 58:24Sam Morril?

  What an awful, an Eyes Wide Shut situation.

• 58:27Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 58:28Sam Morril?

  You know, fucking Sidney Pollack. A doctor comes in, he goes, she's fucking dead, man. I fucked up, I didn't think it would go through her head, man. She had chloroceptive, fucking crazy.

• 58:40Mark Normand?

  Ah, you show up, she's still hooked on. I gotta kick her out.

• 58:44Sam Morril?

  You impaled her, is she dead?

• 58:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she didn't feel a thing.

• 58:48Sam Morril?

  Is she fucking dead, man?

• 58:50Mark Normand?

  A felt pen.

• 58:53Mark Normand?

  A magic marker, all right.

• 58:57Mark Normand?

  Jeez, I feel bad for your lady, I had no idea you were spraying.

• 58:59Sam Morril?

  Chloroceptive.

• 59:01Mark Normand?

  Painkiller back to the old esophagus.

• 59:03Sam Morril?

  I guess I'm innocent, I, I always look at this stuff in that, in that aisle for just like, a cold.

• 59:08Mark Normand?

  Same, same, yeah, I'm not like, oh, Dr. Scholl's athlete's foot, let me rub that on her clit, she won't notice I'm, uh, punching it.

• 59:16Sam Morril?

  Tylenol PM, baby, this is gonna be a wild night.

• 59:20Mark Normand?

  Man, Monistat seven, here we go, all right, seven dudes, okay.

• 59:26Sam Morril?

  Sometimes when we're getting really crazy, Mucinex, dude.

• 59:29Mark Normand?

  Whoa, yeah.

• 59:30Sam Morril?

  Dude, we fucked on Mucinex? Mucinex DM, it was, it was, dude.

• 59:35Mark Normand?

  Burt's Bees, forget about it.

• 59:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude, I mean, it's, uh, I guess I'm pretty meat and potatoes in the sack.

• 59:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:43Sam Morril?

  I'm pretty boring.

• 59:44Mark Normand?

  My wife likes a vibrator, so I'll do it like the Japanese guy, I'll pull it out and be like.

• 59:52Sam Morril?

  When your dick dies, it's like when your controller dies, you come and you're like, yeah, they still want more, so let me, uh.

• 59:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 59:57Sam Morril?

  It's like when your Xbox thing doesn't work, you're like, let me grab the, the other remote real quick. So she can play.

• 1:00:02Mark Normand?

  Everybody wins, yeah, I'm just so, it's so easy, cuz she's like, she's like, ah, it's great.

• 1:00:09Sam Morril?

  It really sucks to marry a comedian.

• 1:00:11Mark Normand?

  I know, it really does.

• 1:00:13Sam Morril?

  They're just, their friends sending them clips. They're like, I didn't know you liked the vibrator, she's like, Mark.

• 1:00:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:19Sam Morril?

  No, that happens with my girlfriend, her friend's like, there's always that one friend who likes to start shit, like, did you hear what he said about you on the podcast? I'm like, hey, fuck you, annoying friend.

• 1:00:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you bitch.

• 1:00:28Sam Morril?

  You're fucking up my shit.

• 1:00:29Mark Normand?

  I mean, look, look, the sex is great, we have a great time, I'm clearly making fun of me.

• 1:00:33Sam Morril?

  Of course.

• 1:00:34Mark Normand?

  I'm blackluster, I'm hitting her with a, with a robot.

• 1:00:36Sam Morril?

  But I'm just giving, you know, there's, we don't need a disclaimer, we know you're, you're a solid fella, I just think, you know, there's the, uh.

• 1:00:41Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 1:00:42Sam Morril?

  There's always that rat.

• 1:00:43Mark Normand?

  Ah, a hundred percent, every time.

• 1:00:45Sam Morril?

  They have the rat friends.

• 1:00:46Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:00:47Sam Morril?

  That's a peeve, the rat friend.

• 1:00:48Mark Normand?

  The rat friend, I got a peeve.

• 1:00:51Sam Morril?

  Hit me.

• 1:00:51Mark Normand?

  Okay, wait, let me write.

• 1:00:53Sam Morril?

  I got one too, actually.

• 1:00:54Mark Normand?

  I wrote it down, hold on.

• 1:00:55Sam Morril?

  I, I think, I think I got a pretty solid one.

• 1:00:57Mark Normand?

  Okay, hold on, hold on. Well, give me yours.

• 1:01:01Sam Morril?

  Okay, so, bought the lady a, a birthday present online, and it's like from a designer she likes, so, they do this thing, sometimes, you know, you give your email and your phone number, they give you twenty percent off, and it wasn't super cheap, so I was like, let me take that twenty percent off. They do a thing where they delay the email, so you're just waiting, and you get impatient, and you're just like, fuck it, I'll buy it.

• 1:01:24Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:01:25Sam Morril?

  Cuz they, they purposely, when you do it, they're like, all right, we'll, we'll, we'll send it in like an hour.

• 1:01:29Mark Normand?

  That's evil.

• 1:01:30Sam Morril?

  Well, they do it on purpose, and then when they do send it, they put it in like a fucking eight font, so you're like, where is this thing, how do I find it?

• 1:01:35Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:01:36Sam Morril?

  But I found it.

• 1:01:37Mark Normand?

  Good.

• 1:01:38Sam Morril?

  But, they made it, they made it different, that's a peeve, that's like, I'm giving you my fucking number, give me the, give me the damn code.

• 1:01:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that is corrupt, they know what they're doing.

• 1:01:46Sam Morril?

  They know what they're doing.

• 1:01:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:47Sam Morril?

  And I, and I looked it up, and I was like, yep, that's a thing they do.

• 1:01:50Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:01:51Sam Morril?

  Cuz I felt shady, I was like, I'm like looking in the junk, I'm like, I want that twenty percent off.

• 1:01:55Mark Normand?

  They leave you on, uh, on hold sometimes, just so you give up, you know, they, they know what they're doing, these people, they make everything hard to return to.

• 1:02:01Sam Morril?

  Oh god, dude, I just dealt with getting, I have a pair of sunglasses, I just like, it's an old, it's a sentiment, I don't wanna say sentimental, but it's like, you, you go accustomed to one pair. You're like, I, I don't like sunglasses, like, I'll try anything, I'm like, ah, I look like a fucking idiot.

• 1:02:14Mark Normand?

  No, you find one you like, you hold on.

• 1:02:15Sam Morril?

  I found one I like, and I, I left them in Poland, so I had to get them sent back, the hotel, very nice, they sent it back, they sent it to the wrong address. They put in the wrong number, so I'm just like, oh, you put, so I have to, I'm on hold with them for a fucking ever.

• 1:02:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:30Sam Morril?

  Million, also, there's tariff shit, you have to fill this insanely confusing form.

• 1:02:35Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:02:36Sam Morril?

  With the weirdest questions, and you're like, these are yours, you didn't, and they're like, just give me the fucking sunglasses.

• 1:02:42Mark Normand?

  Sunglasses, not anthrax, relax.

• 1:02:44Sam Morril?

  I know, white anthrax in there too, but I'm, I'm on a Kaczynski tear, I wanna make a statement, I've got ideas, I'm trying to get out there.

• 1:02:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:51Speaker 02

  I bought Stacy a pair of headphones recently, and, uh, they're ninety bucks, they were nice headphones, I guess. I got a fucking bill from FedEx a month later, being like, you owe forty-five dollars in tariff.

• 1:03:03Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  Now forty-five bucks.

• 1:03:06Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 1:03:07Speaker 02

  I, I don't know, I didn't even look, I just ordered them online, I was like, buy it, they're amazing.

• 1:03:10Sam Morril?

  They're doing some wild shit, this tariff shit. It's not helping Bodega Cat, I'll tell you that much.

• 1:03:14Mark Normand?

  No. Tax. Yeah, I just got back from Canada. They're like, what are you doing to us? I'm like, I didn't do it. I didn't set up the tariffs.

• 1:03:21Sam Morril?

  And it does feel like our, like Canada's the dad and, and we're the mom and it's, it's our mom's fault.

• 1:03:27Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:03:27Sam Morril?

  We're in the middle of a divorce.

• 1:03:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they're the upstairs neighbor.

• 1:03:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that it, it was awkward, but all right, here's my peeve. This drives me fucking nuts. I was on a pod and it was me and a more of a straight person, not, not a comedian. And I was zinging and zanging, being offensive, being an idiot and. Eventually she, uh, the guy, the host asked me something else and I made a point and she goes, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I agree with this guy. I hate this. I hate when people say that. You can zing me all day long, but don't give me the, I can't, oh, I don't get it. Cause I made a bunch of off color jokes. Now I'm less smart than you.

• 1:04:06Sam Morril?

  It's coming, it's coming from a place of moral superiority.

• 1:04:09Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:04:10Sam Morril?

  Douche, it's douche central.

• 1:04:12Mark Normand?

  It's completely condescend. I can't believe it. I'm a great, oh, we agree on something. Wow. I was joking before. They were jokes. So now all of a sudden I'm a, I'm a lesser because I made jokes. That's what annoys me.

• 1:04:23Sam Morril?

  Never trust a person who needs to elevate themselves over you too. I'm like, you've got some shit going on.

• 1:04:27Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:04:28Sam Morril?

  You have to do that. If you have to be like, I can't believe I, I agree with this degenerate.

• 1:04:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly. And Larry David has a great, uh, episode where he's, some lady's giving a tour of his house, a realtor. And he's like, and then the whales out there, they get so close, you can shoot them. And she goes, don't pay attention to him. He goes, no, no, pay attention.

• 1:04:46Mark Normand?

  That's exactly what I thought of when she did that. No, no, no, pay attention.

• 1:04:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:51Mark Normand?

  Because he's making jokes. You're like, oh, don't worry about him. He's an idiot. Like, why is making jokes making an idiot? I came up with jokes off the fly. I.

• 1:04:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah, there's definitely people in my family who, who look down at what I do.

• 1:05:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:03Sam Morril?

  And I can tell there's like a snobbery about it.

• 1:05:06Mark Normand?

  Yo, completely. I remember watching Mr. Bean, which I used to love. I used to love Rowan Atkinson.

• 1:05:11Sam Morril?

  Very talented.

• 1:05:11Mark Normand?

  Very talented. And my mom's like, he would do something funny or crazy and she'd go, what an idiot. And I'm like, idiot? This guy's a genius.

• 1:05:18Sam Morril?

  That was hard to do.

• 1:05:19Mark Normand?

  That's incredibly difficult. He's not speaking. He's hilarious.

• 1:05:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you should try it sometime.

• 1:05:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:25Sam Morril?

  Zinged your mom.

• 1:05:27Mark Normand?

  Right. I like it. I mean, Charlie Chaplin, oh, what an idiot. Idiot. This guy's brilliant. Changed the game.

• 1:05:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah. No, I'm, I'm with you, dude. There, there is that elitism to that type of person.

• 1:05:37Mark Normand?

  There is.

• 1:05:38Sam Morril?

  Where they're just like, I can't believe I'm saying this.

• 1:05:40Mark Normand?

  I can't believe, whoa, I'm like, oh, I made a good point. Oh my God. How crazy. Cause I made some jokes earlier. I, I don't get it. I, I think this is a bigger issue because that's why like Oscars don't go to comedies. Cause they go, oh, look at these fucking tards over here.

• 1:05:52Sam Morril?

  But we don't need that shit. That's good. It keeps us humble. I, I, you don't want to be one of them.

• 1:05:56Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:05:57Sam Morril?

  You should've said, I can't believe I'm saying this, but you, madame, are a twat.

• 1:06:02Mark Normand?

  Yes, she was.

• 1:06:02Sam Morril?

  And then you should've put a top hat on.

• 1:06:04Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:06:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, no, it's, uh, irritating.

• 1:06:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:08Sam Morril?

  Irritating. Uh, I remember you told me about this. You didn't tell me that part, but you told me about this interaction and it bothered me.

• 1:06:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're right.

• 1:06:19Mark Normand?

  Another peeve, this, this is a little less anger, but when you get the guy who asks you a question, you don't, you say you don't know, and they keep following up as if you're holding in some information.

• 1:06:28Sam Morril?

  Yes.

• 1:06:29Mark Normand?

  You know, you go, uh, hey, what time is Jeff coming? I don't know. Was it six? I don't know. Seven?

• 1:06:35Sam Morril?

  I hate this.

• 1:06:36Mark Normand?

  I don't know. You sure he's coming?

• 1:06:38Sam Morril?

  Why don't you water, why don't you waterboard me and it'll come out to me?

• 1:06:40Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:06:41Sam Morril?

  How long is this gonna go?

• 1:06:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Then they, they try to trick you. They go, I wonder if he'll come at eight. You know, they just want to go, yeah, I bet he will or something, but they, I got nothing. Just like you, you got nothing. So we gotta move on.

• 1:06:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's an irritating one.

• 1:06:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:55Sam Morril?

  Not a fan.

• 1:06:56Mark Normand?

  So there you go, folks. Peeve number two.

• 1:06:58Sam Morril?

  That's a good peeve.

• 1:06:59Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 1:07:00Sam Morril?

  You got any recs?

• 1:07:01Mark Normand?

  Uh, I just watched Senna. Have you seen Senna?

• 1:07:04Sam Morril?

  I loved it.

• 1:07:05Mark Normand?

  So good.

• 1:07:06Sam Morril?

  Formula One movie?

• 1:07:07Mark Normand?

  I mean, yeah, it's 12 years old now, but I just watched it on a plane. It's incredible.

• 1:07:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's incredible.

• 1:07:11Mark Normand?

  What a badass. And then the ending.

• 1:07:14Sam Morril?

  Maybe you have a whole new respect for Formula One.

• 1:07:15Mark Normand?

  Completely.

• 1:07:17Sam Morril?

  It's obviously, you have to be incredible to do this, but I didn't really, of course I understood that on some level.

• 1:07:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:22Sam Morril?

  Seeing those turns.

• 1:07:23Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:07:24Sam Morril?

  And the angles, like, you have to be like a geometrical, like, kinda genius.

• 1:07:27Mark Normand?

  Completely.

• 1:07:28Sam Morril?

  To know how to do all this and, and you have to be a daredevil. Yeah. I mean, sad movie, but it's incredible.

• 1:07:34Mark Normand?

  And the sign of a great doc, I don't know shit about auto racing or F1.

• 1:07:37Sam Morril?

  Exactly.

• 1:07:38Mark Normand?

  Or Brazil or him, and it was still great. I still loved it.

• 1:07:41Sam Morril?

  That's how I felt about that ESPN 30 for 30, the two Escobars.

• 1:07:44Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:07:45Sam Morril?

  I'm not a big soccer guy. Another thing, if it's on and I'm watching with someone who's into it, I'm, I'm into it.

• 1:07:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Sam Morril?

  But it's not one of my go-to sports, but I was like, this is incredible.

• 1:07:54Mark Normand?

  Incredible. And I mean, what a, one of a cut, he's like a hot guy.

• 1:07:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:58Mark Normand?

  From Brazil, uh, amazing talent, sweet as hell, super nice, super giving, like, Brazil's going through hell. They got no food, is poverty and they're all, the, the kids are like, he's the only thing giving us hope. We love him. And then the ending is tragic.

• 1:08:12Sam Morril?

  It's tragic. Yeah, you know where it's going.

• 1:08:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:15Sam Morril?

  But, uh, yeah, like, what, and then you're kinda like, wow, it's crazy. He's this big and I'd never heard of him. Cause this sport is massive. F1 is huge.

• 1:08:21Mark Normand?

  Huge. It's, it's kinda like soccer where we don't really think about it, but the whole other world.

• 1:08:24Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah. You're like, oh, who's this guy? Some nobody? You're like, oh, 500 million followers?

• 1:08:28Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 1:08:29Sam Morril?

  It's fucking crazy.

• 1:08:30Mark Normand?

  I didn't know who that Holland guy was till the World Cup and everybody's like, are you kidding?

• 1:08:33Sam Morril?

  Now I think he's awesome.

• 1:08:34Mark Normand?

  I love him now.

• 1:08:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:35Mark Normand?

  Have you seen his girlfriend?

• 1:08:36Sam Morril?

  Have you seen his lips?

• 1:08:38Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:08:40Sam Morril?

  Yeah, his girlfriend is hot.

• 1:08:41Mark Normand?

  Woo wee.

• 1:08:42Sam Morril?

  I can't believe I'm saying this, but. I think she's pretty hot. I agree with you. No, yeah, he's a, he's a beast, that guy.

• 1:08:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Cool dude. He's having fun. I like a guy who's rich and famous and having fun.

• 1:08:53Sam Morril?

  Totally. I mean, why, how could you not?

• 1:08:55Mark Normand?

  Well, when he goes to Austin, he's like, tries on all the boots and the hats and he's really sliding into the culture.

• 1:09:01Speaker 02

  Fucking Vikings doing it again with the beautiful women.

• 1:09:03Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:03Sam Morril?

  You don't talk about the good of pillaging, but there are, uh, there are positives.

• 1:09:08Mark Normand?

  Well, what is pillaging? We know what the R is. I don't know what the pill.

• 1:09:12Mark Normand?

  What is it?

• 1:09:12Speaker 02

  Stuff, taking stuff.

• 1:09:13Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:13Mark Normand?

  Oh, why don't we use that more? Smash and grab, call it pillaging.

• 1:09:18Sam Morril?

  I mean.

• 1:09:19Speaker 02

  Takes a pillage.

• 1:09:21Mark Normand?

  Takes a pillage.

• 1:09:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, she looks, uh, she looks good.

• 1:09:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's not who I thought it was. Never mind.

• 1:09:26Sam Morril?

  All right.

• 1:09:27Mark Normand?

  But still, it's still hot.

• 1:09:29Sam Morril?

  All right.

• 1:09:30Mark Normand?

  Isabel Johansson.

• 1:09:32Speaker 02

  I went to Ireland two years ago and like not a good looking woman in the country.

• 1:09:40Speaker 02

  Apologize to the whole country of Ireland here.

• 1:09:41Mark Normand?

  They love this.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  And I asked my guide, I was like, what's going on? I was like, there's no beautiful women here. And they're like, oh, the Vikings stole them 800 years ago. They took.

• 1:09:48Sam Morril?

  I love that they were ready to field that question.

• 1:09:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they knew.

• 1:09:52Sam Morril?

  This is one they've gotten a lot.

• 1:09:55Speaker 02

  And they said, they, they took all the beautiful women.

• 1:09:58Sam Morril?

  That's why they drink, dude.

• 1:09:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Good point. Potato famine. They weren't eating pussy.

• 1:10:06Mark Normand?

  There's gotta be a hot Irish bro.

• 1:10:07Sam Morril?

  There are for sure.

• 1:10:08Mark Normand?

  Come on.

• 1:10:09Sam Morril?

  There are definitely some hot Irish women.

• 1:10:10Mark Normand?

  There's some hot Scottish women, I'll tell you that.

• 1:10:12Speaker 02

  All right.

• 1:10:12Mark Normand?

  If you like, uh, red leg hair.

• 1:10:16Mark Normand?

  Kiltz.

• 1:10:19Sam Morril?

  Hot Irish woman?

• 1:10:20Mark Normand?

  Irish.

• 1:10:21Sam Morril?

  Get, get ready for two Google images.

• 1:10:25Speaker 02

  Okay, there we go. That's what I'm talking about.

• 1:10:27Sam Morril?

  There we go.

• 1:10:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:10:29Sam Morril?

  Let me, let me finish another one of these.

• 1:10:31Mark Normand?

  Who's that? Susan Boyle?

• 1:10:34Speaker 02

  No, she's a nice lady. She's a nice lady.

• 1:10:36Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 1:10:36Sam Morril?

  Yeah, let's be respectful.

• 1:10:37Mark Normand?

  All right. See, that's AI on the left, by the way.

• 1:10:41Sam Morril?

  Damn. Well, this took a dark turn.

• 1:10:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, all right.

• 1:10:44Sam Morril?

  I like they're having a nice conversation. And so like, he's like, you know who's ugly? Every Irish woman ever.

• 1:10:49Mark Normand?

  Entire country. That's why they moved here. We had one Bodega Cat. We're already trashing the country's women.

• 1:10:55Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 1:10:57Mark Normand?

  Uh, you know who the new Latinas are? Indian women, they say.

• 1:11:00Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:11:00Mark Normand?

  They say that's the new Latina, cause they are something. A beautiful Indian woman is unbelievable.

• 1:11:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's pretty wild, right?

• 1:11:06Mark Normand?

  The eyes, yeah, the shadowing, the.

• 1:11:08Sam Morril?

  I will tell you, I was in Lisbon and was looking around, I was like, not, not dazzling me here.

• 1:11:13Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 1:11:15Sam Morril?

  Then you go to other parts of Europe and you're like, holy shit.

• 1:11:18Mark Normand?

  Barcelona, unbelievable.

• 1:11:19Sam Morril?

  And then how about, uh, fucking, I mean Stockholm?

• 1:11:22Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 1:11:23Sam Morril?

  Copenhagen?

• 1:11:24Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, that's a, it's a, a gimme.

• 1:11:26Sam Morril?

  Stockholm was, was, is wild.

• 1:11:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah. And there, there's so many, they don't even know how hot they are.

• 1:11:32Sam Morril?

  It's, and there's more women than men there.

• 1:11:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, God.

• 1:11:35Sam Morril?

  It's a great, it's a great situation if you're a dude in Stockholm.

• 1:11:38Mark Normand?

  If you ever run over a kid, that's where you wanna live. Like, you gotta get away. You know, high tail it out of, out of the country.

• 1:11:45Sam Morril?

  If I run over a kid?

• 1:11:46Mark Normand?

  Well, something where you gotta go. Like, ah, I gotta get out of here before I go to jail for life. Fuck Mexico.

• 1:11:51Sam Morril?

  On the downside, I killed a child. On the plus side, look at these women.

• 1:11:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Stockholm syndrome. Not too shabby.

• 1:11:58Sam Morril?

  That's where it's from, baby. That's, it was from a bank robbery. I, it was in, somewhere in Stockholm. I forgot.

• 1:12:03Speaker 02

  Go on, yes?

• 1:12:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:04Mark Normand?

  Was that right?

• 1:12:05Speaker 02

  And, uh, afterwards, the, all the people that came out that were held hostage.

• 1:12:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, of course. They, they were on the side of the captors.

• 1:12:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're, they're protecting them. They're actually good people and.

• 1:12:13Mark Normand?

  Whoa. Pretty good captor. How'd they do that?

• 1:12:17Speaker 02

  I, I think you just identify with your captors eventually because they're, they have, they lord so much power over you, they, of life and death.

• 1:12:23Sam Morril?

  I think if I were a captor, that's how I would try to spin it. I, if I was robbing a bank, I'd be like, I'm on your side. These people out there are fucking unreasonable.

• 1:12:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:30Sam Morril?

  Like, you're a good, I'm, I want this to end too. I just want the money. I would think I would try to spin it that way.

• 1:12:35Speaker 02

  Well, being a parent's almost like Stockholm syndrome. You love your parents, but like they are, they have the power, all the power over you.

• 1:12:41Sam Morril?

  And you're in a, a tight space for them.

• 1:12:43Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 1:12:43Mark Normand?

  Captive.

• 1:12:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're captive for 18 fucking years.

• 1:12:46Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:12:47Sam Morril?

  Yeah. And you're chained to a radiator. It's fucking tough. Did you guys not have the same childhood? Okay.

• 1:12:53Mark Normand?

  Now, what is the Patty Hearst?

• 1:12:55Sam Morril?

  Oh, she was, uh, part of the Hearst family. She was kidnapped, uh, and then she, yeah, she was a shit Stockholm syndrome.

• 1:13:01Speaker 02

  Yes, yeah.

• 1:13:02Sam Morril?

  And she was part of the robbery.

• 1:13:03Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:13:04Sam Morril?

  Great book on it by Jeffrey Toobin. Worth, that's, that's a rec. It's called American heiress. Incredible book.

• 1:13:10Speaker 02

  Turned into a great doctor.

• 1:13:10Sam Morril?

  Jeffrey Toobin wrote the OJ book too.

• 1:13:12Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:13:12Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:13Mark Normand?

  The Zoom guy?

• 1:13:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:14Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:13:15Sam Morril?

  He's a great, he's a great writer.

• 1:13:16Mark Normand?

  Good for him.

• 1:13:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and a great wanker too.

• 1:13:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:19Sam Morril?

  No, the American heiress one is, is a, it's a, you'll breeze through it. It's wild.

• 1:13:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:24Mark Normand?

  Didn't the Black Panthers kidnap her?

• 1:13:26Sam Morril?

  No, no, no, no. There was a black guy in the.

• 1:13:28Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  The Sibenees Lib, Liberation Army.

• 1:13:32Mark Normand?

  That's it.

• 1:13:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:33Speaker 02

  It was fake.

• 1:13:34Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:13:35Speaker 02

  There's no Sibia.

• 1:13:36Sam Morril?

  It's bullshit. And but they, but she was a part of a bank robbery. Yeah, I mean, she was with them and, uh, she ended up marrying, like later when she was free, she ended up marrying like one of her bodyguards, I think, something crazy. You know, fucking Jay McEnney married a Hearst, the writer?

• 1:13:50Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 1:13:51Sam Morril?

  Bright Lights, Big City.

• 1:13:52Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:13:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:53Mark Normand?

  I didn't know that.

• 1:13:54Sam Morril?

  Great writer, wrote, uh, married a, married into the Hearst family.

• 1:13:57Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:13:57Sam Morril?

  I think Chris Hardwick was with a Hearst.

• 1:13:59Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's right. That's right.

• 1:14:00Sam Morril?

  That's like, dude, that's William Randolph Hearst. That's fucking Citizen Kane.

• 1:14:03Mark Normand?

  Yes, completely.

• 1:14:05Sam Morril?

  That's crazy. They tried to ruin Orson Welles because, uh,

• 1:14:08Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:14:08Sam Morril?

  He made a movie, Clearly Thinly Veiled.

• 1:14:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, they tried to squash it.

• 1:14:12Sam Morril?

  Of him, but yeah, uh, that's like the American wealthy family.

• 1:14:16Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:14:17Speaker 02

  Whereas publishing today still exists, like Esquire magazine is a Hearst publication.

• 1:14:21Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:14:22Speaker 02

  They have like 10 magazines that you've.

• 1:14:23Mark Normand?

  Wow. So let me get this straight. The daughter of Randolph?

• 1:14:27Speaker 02

  No, granddaughter.

• 1:14:28Mark Normand?

  Granddaughter Randolph got kidnapped and then got.

• 1:14:31Sam Morril?

  Pull up the famous photo of her.

• 1:14:32Mark Normand?

  Forced to rob a bank.

• 1:14:33Sam Morril?

  She's in like a beret. It's, it's a crazy photo.

• 1:14:37Sam Morril?

  I mean, that was.

• 1:14:39Speaker 02

  Not that one, hold on.

• 1:14:40Sam Morril?

  Not that one.

• 1:14:40Mark Normand?

  I've seen it, yeah, there it is.

• 1:14:41Sam Morril?

  With the gun, yeah, there it is.

• 1:14:43Mark Normand?

  So she's robbing a bank here?

• 1:14:44Sam Morril?

  No, no, no, no, the other one, no, with the red background, where she's posing.

• 1:14:49Speaker 02

  That's the Sibenees Liberation Army.

• 1:14:51Sam Morril?

  That's the famous, uh.

• 1:14:52Mark Normand?

  Crazy gun.

• 1:14:54Sam Morril?

  Not bad in the eyes. Kidnapped from her own dorm, I think, in college.

• 1:14:58Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 1:14:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:58Mark Normand?

  And then what? They made her do stuff?

• 1:15:00Sam Morril?

  I think they were.

• 1:15:01Speaker 02

  In her closet for weeks.

• 1:15:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but then they kind of warmed to her and then, eh, I don't know. Crazy.

• 1:15:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, great documentary.

• 1:15:10Mark Normand?

  Why the gun?

• 1:15:11Sam Morril?

  Cause she was posing.

• 1:15:12Mark Normand?

  Okay, that's what I'm trying to get.

• 1:15:13Sam Morril?

  She's part of the crew.

• 1:15:14Mark Normand?

  Okay, alright.

• 1:15:15Sam Morril?

  But then, of course, she, they got fucked and she was like, eh, she was a victim of Stockholm syndrome.

• 1:15:21Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:15:21Sam Morril?

  Which maybe she was, I don't fucking, you know, I'm sure it's possible.

• 1:15:24Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:15:25Sam Morril?

  But you do, I think it's a common thing to identify with, hot women in Stockholm let us here.

• 1:15:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:30Sam Morril?

  Stockholm syndrome, baby.

• 1:15:31Mark Normand?

  And then, you know, Frank Sinatra's kid got kidnapped.

• 1:15:33Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:34Mark Normand?

  That kidnapping was a thing.

• 1:15:35Sam Morril?

  Tough to be Sinatra's kid.

• 1:15:37Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:15:37Sam Morril?

  And to have his name.

• 1:15:38Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:15:39Sam Morril?

  And then to be a singer.

• 1:15:41Mark Normand?

  Was he?

• 1:15:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:42Mark Normand?

  Oh, no.

• 1:15:43Sam Morril?

  Clearly it wasn't a big one, but, uh, yeah, he was.

• 1:15:44Mark Normand?

  Like Jacob Dylan.

• 1:15:45Sam Morril?

  He was kidnapped, dude.

• 1:15:46Mark Normand?

  One headlight. He was thrown in the trunk. Old school.

• 1:15:50Sam Morril?

  Jacob Dylan was?

• 1:15:51Mark Normand?

  No, no, Sinatra's kid.

• 1:15:53Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:15:53Mark Normand?

  Frank Jr.

• 1:15:55Speaker 02

  One headlight.

• 1:15:56Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:56Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I think they got him, though. They got him out. They got the kid.

• 1:15:59Sam Morril?

  Frank Sinatra Jr.?

• 1:16:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he survived.

• 1:16:01Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:16:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but, uh, that was a wild one, too.

• 1:16:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:04Mark Normand?

  I guess Nancy Guthrie's the last kidnap, or lady now.

• 1:16:07Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I guess so. That John Paul Getty's grandson was kidnapped.

• 1:16:12Sam Morril?

  And he didn't want to pay the money.

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  Didn't want to pay.

• 1:16:14Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:16:15Sam Morril?

  Guy lost a fucking ear.

• 1:16:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, they cut off the kid's ear and sent it to the family. He's like, I'm not paying.

• 1:16:18Mark Normand?

  What? Getty oil?

• 1:16:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:21Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:21Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:16:23Sam Morril?

  At a certain point, like, how much fucking money do you need? Like, if you're, if your, if your kid's life is at stake, here's the thing, he was, the kid was, I think, a party animal, so I think there was a part of where he was, like, blaming him, and then later in life was on drugs and stuff, but like, yeah, if you come back after that shit and you're missing an ear and you know your family doesn't love you enough to pay that shit, I might, I might want to get fucked up.

• 1:16:45Mark Normand?

  Wow, yeah, of course.

• 1:16:46Sam Morril?

  I mean, it's like, it's pretty dark.

• 1:16:47Speaker 02

  The rumor was he kidnapped himself to collect the ransom.

• 1:16:50Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:16:51Speaker 02

  That was another incentive not to pay.

• 1:16:52Sam Morril?

  But then why cut off your own fucking ear?

• 1:16:54Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:16:55Mark Normand?

  Did they get the kid back?

• 1:16:56Speaker 02

  Eventually, yes.

• 1:16:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's, I think he's passed.

• 1:16:58Speaker 02

  I think he may have escaped or something.

• 1:17:00Mark Normand?

  Whoa, this is fascinating.

• 1:17:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah, crazy one. That's another crazy one.

• 1:17:03Mark Normand?

  Give it a goog. That's insane.

• 1:17:05Sam Morril?

  A lot of amazing true crime stories in America, man.

• 1:17:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, that's the hard thing about being a rich icon, air, a tycoon, is the kids get kidnapped.

• 1:17:15Speaker 02

  Easy. Oh, there's, no ear there.

• 1:17:17Mark Normand?

  No ear.

• 1:17:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

• 1:17:19Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 1:17:19Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:17:20Sam Morril?

  He refused to pay seventeen million dollar ransom for kidnapped grandson, paying only two point two million. That's a funny bargaining call. Oh, seventeen, I'll give you two.

• 1:17:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, two and one ear.

• 1:17:32Sam Morril?

  After the teen, that's fucking horrible.

• 1:17:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:34Mark Normand?

  Wow, that's traumatizing. That's like, uh.

• 1:17:36Sam Morril?

  That's him later in life, huh?

• 1:17:38Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:17:39Sam Morril?

  Not good.

• 1:17:40Speaker 02

  Life is cruel.

• 1:17:41Mark Normand?

  They said, you're free. He went, what? Who's that?

• 1:17:45Speaker 02

  This is a kid who played him in a movie.

• 1:17:47Mark Normand?

  Ah. Damn, good stuff. Air is getting kidnapped. I love it.

• 1:17:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, good stuff.

• 1:17:54Mark Normand?

  Did they get Guthrie?

• 1:17:56Sam Morril?

  I don't know.

• 1:17:56Speaker 02

  Apparently she, the, the people who kidnapped?

• 1:17:58Mark Normand?

  The mom?

• 1:17:59Speaker 02

  No, uh, and they didn't get the body either. Apparently she died quickly after they kidnapped her. They bonked her on the head and I think she bled out pretty quickly.

• 1:18:06Sam Morril?

  Oof.

• 1:18:07Speaker 02

  And he sent a note right after being like, it was an accident, we're sorry. If you want to recover the body, pay us.

• 1:18:13Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:18:13Speaker 02

  And they never paid him.

• 1:18:14Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:18:15Sam Morril?

  It was an accident, we're so, oh my god.

• 1:18:17Mark Normand?

  Isn't that, that's kind of what happened during Fargo.

• 1:18:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:20Mark Normand?

  Remember, he was like, send the money, and the dad was like, I'm doing it. Fuck you, Bob, you're, you're a pussy, and then halfway through, he pulled a gun on him?

• 1:18:28Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and they killed the wife, too.

• 1:18:30Mark Normand?

  And they killed the wife, yeah.

• 1:18:32Sam Morril?

  That's a fucking, I gotta rewatch that one. Something about the wintertime, cause it's like a snowy noir, it always makes me like, it's a good time to rethrow Fargo on.

• 1:18:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, hell yeah.

• 1:18:39Sam Morril?

  That's a fucking, god, the Coen Brothers, man.

• 1:18:41Mark Normand?

  It passed the wife test. She's young and, uh, ADD, so if I can get her clicked into a movie and finish it.

• 1:18:49Sam Morril?

  But she likes true crime.

• 1:18:50Mark Normand?

  She likes true crime, yeah.

• 1:18:51Sam Morril?

  But, and they did that clever thing, like, this is based on a true, and it's not. It's based on a true story in the beginning, and it's just, it's just a lie.

• 1:18:58Mark Normand?

  I didn't know that.

• 1:18:59Sam Morril?

  But it's, but it's a way to get you, like, sucked in, you're like, oh shit.

• 1:19:01Mark Normand?

  Totally, totally. Bushammy, the other guy, was so scary, the blonde guy.

• 1:19:05Sam Morril?

  He's great, that guy.

• 1:19:06Mark Normand?

  Sociopath.

• 1:19:07Sam Morril?

  Too.

• 1:19:07Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. Man, he's good.

• 1:19:10Sam Morril?

  Fargo fucking rules. Yeah, I'm gonna start throwing on some, like, especially for October, get some good, oh, I got it, I just got The Shining on DVD, I'm like, I want to throw that one on, get some, like, from Fargo, maybe Misery.

• 1:19:21Mark Normand?

  Classic. You know why he sees his photo in the end?

• 1:19:25Sam Morril?

  Why?

• 1:19:26Mark Normand?

  Because apparently he's just on a loop. He's been there the whole time.

• 1:19:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, you've always been the caretaker.

• 1:19:31Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:19:32Speaker 02

  That's the line in the movie.

• 1:19:33Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:19:34Mark Normand?

  There was more to it, but I forgot what else. Should have had that prepared, or brought it up. But yeah, there's some, some, uh, theory there, that he's always been working there.

• 1:19:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:43Sam Morril?

  That's fucking great.

• 1:19:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:44Sam Morril?

  Damn, well, uh, we'll plug some dates, dude. Oh, we got packages?

• 1:19:48Mark Normand?

  Hey, you open that one. I'll take the big, long one here.

• 1:19:54Sam Morril?

  And thank you, someone brought me a fucking, someone got me a, uh, you know what someone brought me is a, uh, at my show in San Diego, all the Knicks starters, like, these shiny cards in a frame. It was one of the nicest gifts. It was such a. Also got a really cool Richard Pryor shirt at my show.

• 1:20:10Mark Normand?

  Freddy Krueger, Hockenlamort. Oh, Malort, sorry.

• 1:20:15Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 1:20:15Mark Normand?

  Malort.

• 1:20:16Sam Morril?

  What is this? Eli and Mason, Nashville, Tennessee, Old Fashioned Cocktail Mixer.

• 1:20:21Mark Normand?

  Hey.

• 1:20:22Sam Morril?

  So, this is a classic, uh, Old Fashioned Cocktail Mixer is can-crafted with premium bitters, real cane sugar and syrup for a fine taste. Okay, well, maybe we'll have to have a bodega, uh, Old Fashioned next episode with this.

• 1:20:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah, please.

• 1:20:38Speaker 02

  Could be fun.

• 1:20:39Mark Normand?

  This is from Joe Mosey, I assume. I hope I got that right.

• 1:20:43Sam Morril?

  Was there a third, or was it just?

• 1:20:46Mark Normand?

  My name is Joe Mo, I'm a musician in the Chicago area, huge fan of comedy, love you guys. Uh, I was front row at the Dr. Phil Show last year, so I got to see you there, that's nice. Sure you're familiar with Malort, and being from Chicago, I had to enclose a piece of Malort artwork for your studio. After all, it is the best liquor out there, right? Also enclosing a copy of my recent album, released a few months ago, it's also on major streaming platforms. All right, that's M-O-E-S-E, Joe Mosey. Thanks for taking the time to read this, enjoy the record, and hope to hear from you guys. Thanks for all the laughs, look forward to hearing the jokes in the future. Woo.

• 1:21:22Sam Morril?

  Nice.

• 1:21:23Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:21:24Sam Morril?

  This is a really weird one.

• 1:21:25Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh, hit me, fatty.

• 1:21:26Sam Morril?

  It looks like an autographed Kevin Spacey thing.

• 1:21:29Mark Normand?

  Ooh, get the spray out for the throat.

• 1:21:33Sam Morril?

  And then it's, and then it's.

• 1:21:34Speaker 02

  Pour a septic down the throat?

• 1:21:35Sam Morril?

  It's a ring?

• 1:21:36Mark Normand?

  Okay, F-U.

• 1:21:39Sam Morril?

  I don't get it.

• 1:21:42Mark Normand?

  Oh. I'd love to see it.

• 1:21:45Sam Morril?

  So this is from Kevin Spacey?

• 1:21:47Mark Normand?

  Whoa, no wonder I'm hard. How about that?

• 1:21:50Sam Morril?

  Turn of the camera, we were this close to giving Kevin Spacey on the pod. Claire? Claire? It's my terrible Kevin Spacey house of cards.

• 1:21:59Speaker 02

  So what does the ring look like?

• 1:22:02Sam Morril?

  It's a ring. It just says F-U, at Astra. Okay.

• 1:22:09Mark Normand?

  By this time next year, I'm saying he's gonna be back in showbiz.

• 1:22:12Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:22:13Mark Normand?

  I'm calling it right here. Twenty twenty-seven, end of the year, he'll be back in.

• 1:22:18Sam Morril?

  Interesting.

• 1:22:19Mark Normand?

  I think it'll pass. Nobody cares about gay stuff.

• 1:22:25Speaker 02

  We were so close to having it, Mark.

• 1:22:27Sam Morril?

  We were so close to ending this podcast episode.

• 1:22:31Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm just saying, we can cut that if you want, but.

• 1:22:33Sam Morril?

  No, it's fine.

• 1:22:33Mark Normand?

  Thank you, Kev. We'll have you on, we'll get some, uh, spray for the throat.

• 1:22:38Sam Morril?

  What the hell is happening?

• 1:22:40Mark Normand?

  I think you're less, less about gay sex.

• 1:22:44Speaker 02

  Let's just plug some dates, Mark.

• 1:22:46Mark Normand?

  All right, what do we got here?

• 1:22:48Speaker 02

  Eleven, I'm at eleven, here.

• 1:22:50Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:22:50Sam Morril?

  Oh my god.

• 1:22:51Speaker 02

  There you go.

• 1:22:52Mark Normand?

  I'm at the Comedy Zone in Greenville, and at the Charleston Music Hall, a little theater out there, I love Charleston.

• 1:23:00Sam Morril?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:23:00Mark Normand?

  Can't wait, bringing the wife and kids, showing them a little, little mint julep on a porch. Portland, Oregon, I think we had a show there, uh, San Jose Improv, that could use some help, please come on out, uh, Cap City in Austin, Tropicana in Atlantic City, Wind Creek Event in Bethlehem, Palazzo in, uh, Vegas, uh, Indio Casino, Charlotte Comedy Zone.

• 1:23:25Mark Normand?

  And then, you know, something in January, we'll figure that out. Turning Stone Casino, Verona.

• 1:23:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, where are we at with the movie, guys?

• 1:23:32Sam Morril?

  We're figuring it out. We think we got a director, so we're on it.

• 1:23:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. We got a new director who's a, a good get, but he's busy.

• 1:23:39Sam Morril?

  So we're figuring it out.

• 1:23:40Mark Normand?

  So we're waiting till he's done.

• 1:23:41Sam Morril?

  And also, he's a little more expensive, so, yeah, we'll see what happens. Hey, I got a new special on Netflix, Sam Morril, Incorrect, please give it a watch. I'm, I'm very happy with it, how it turned out, I, I hope you guys are too, and, uh.

• 1:23:51Mark Normand?

  Bump it up to top five, folks.

• 1:23:53Sam Morril?

  Let's do it.

• 1:23:54Mark Normand?

  Put a double plus sign, like on there.

• 1:23:56Sam Morril?

  Uh, Phoenix, Arizona, Stand Up Lot, November thirteenth through fifteenth. I know Gary's gonna be bitching about Pizzeria Bianca, so I'll have to get that on there. Pittsburgh Improv, November nineteenth through twenty-first. Then we got, uh, Hilarities in Cleveland, December third through fifth, oh, that's one of my faves. Oh, another one of my faves, uh, Madison, Wisconsin, December ten through twelve, Comedy on State, then.

• 1:24:19Mark Normand?

  It's gonna be cold.

• 1:24:19Sam Morril?

  Magoob's, Maryland, uh, oh, Easy Drive, uh, December seventeenth through nineteenth, and then we got, uh, Florida coming up in January. We got like, yeah, Doral, which is basically Doral, whatever, it's, uh.

• 1:24:32Mark Normand?

  Miami?

• 1:24:32Sam Morril?

  Miami, and then West Palm, all that shit, Jacksonville, see you guys on the road, uh, punchup.live slash Mark Norman, punchup.live slash Sam Morril, see you guys on the road, we love you, buy some bodega cat. Dude, we're making fucking moves. I saw the guys, you know, at all the clubs in LA, I saw Matt Herman, our, our sales guy, he's the man, Bo, shout out the whole team.

• 1:24:55Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:24:55Sam Morril?

  Everyone, uh, I apologize, I didn't make that San Diego mixer, by the way, they, they canceled at the last minute.

• 1:25:02Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:25:03Sam Morril?

  But I will, I'll do something else like that next time, and, well, we gotta do more shit.

• 1:25:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:08Sam Morril?

  Bodega cat's crushing right now. It seems like we're in a whiskey downturn, we're up.

• 1:25:13Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:25:13Sam Morril?

  So that's, that's huge.

• 1:25:15Mark Normand?

  Huge, and get a cat scratcher. They, they sell bodega cat scratchers. I got one for my cat, he's all over it.

• 1:25:20Sam Morril?

  And new merch coming soon, the new merch is fucking awesome. I love the old merch, but the new stuff's like, really, that white shirt Mark was wearing on an old episode that people were loving. We're getting, like, cooler materials and stuff, it's gonna, it's gonna be really comfy, like.

• 1:25:33Mark Normand?

  The Knicks colors.

• 1:25:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah, baby.

• 1:25:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:36Sam Morril?

  Knicks season's starting soon, go Yankees, uh, fucking, let's go.

• 1:25:40Mark Normand?

  Woo, sports are up. You watch Brunson on SNL?

• 1:25:43Sam Morril?

  Dude, that, that part where OG, did you see that part?

• 1:25:46Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:25:47Sam Morril?

  That was the highlight for me, when OG came out and got a huge ovation, they're all taking questions, and he goes, uh, you remember when you missed that big shot? And Brunson goes, yeah, and then he goes, you remember what happened afterwards?

• 1:25:58Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:25:58Sam Morril?

  And Brunson goes, yeah, you tipped it, and OG just goes, yeah.

• 1:26:02Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 1:26:02Sam Morril?

  That was awesome. And the crowd exploded. It was a really funny moment, but.

• 1:26:05Mark Normand?

  I love shit like that, cause it kind of gives you a taste of a monoculture we used to have, where we all agreed on something, we all saw something.

• 1:26:12Sam Morril?

  I mean, that was clearly just for New Yorkers.

• 1:26:14Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 1:26:14Sam Morril?

  That was like, the most only for New York Knicks fans ever for an SNL, but it was like, who gives a shit, it was awesome.

• 1:26:20Mark Normand?

  I love it. I love it. All right, folks, thank you. We'll see you in hell. Comedy, thank you, Jeremiah, check out his special, too, AI, whatever. Super pizza. Crazy pizza.

• 1:26:30Speaker 02

  It's right there.

• 1:26:30Mark Normand?

  Crazy pizza.

• 1:26:31Speaker 02

  All right.

• 1:26:32Sam Morril?

  All right, see you guys next week.

• 1:26:33Speaker 04

  Sunday's the day for my next offender. A bit of Pivo Rec, you know the future's close. I've had a little too much bourbon, and Norman's talking shit about the fucking Pope. And I get down in the same way. Up on the roof like a cop's coming, and naked Samuel is feeling dangerous. I'm out to lunch here in New Orleans. This woman doesn't look like I remember her. And I get down in the same way. We might be true.

• 1:27:19Speaker 05

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