Paul Walter Hauser w/ Mark Normand & Sam Morril - Ft. Alex Moffat - We MIght Be Drunk Podcast

Paul Walter Hauser joins Mark Normand and Sam Morril for a deep dive into Hollywood, stand-up comedy, and his new satirical talk show, Boy Talk. Paul shares stories from I, Tonya, Black Bird, The Naked Gun, and Resident Evil, plus his friendship with Diamond Dallas Page, his dream of playing Chris Farley, and the wildest celebrity group text imaginable. Alex crashes the party, Sam recaps his European tour, and the guys workshop new jokes, talk hair transplants, and reveal plans for their upcoming movie. Paul Walter Hauser: Boy Talk Talk Show (YouTube): https://www.youtube.com/@BoyTalk_TalkShow Boy Talk Talk Show (Apple Podcasts): https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/boy-talk-talk-show/id6813106983 Sponsored by: Willie's Remedy: Get 20% off your first order with code WMBD. Free shipping on orders over $95. https://www.drinkwillies.com/ Tempo: Get 60% off your first box of fresh, chef-crafted meals. https://www.tempomeals.com/drunk Hims: Get personalized access to ED treatment, hair loss treatment, and more. https://www.hims.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #PaulWalterHauser #MarkNormand #SamMorril #BoyTalk #WilliesRemedy #TempoMeals #Hims #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey0:00 Sam returns from European tour 10:36 Comedy workshop: dating and parenthood bits 20:31 Sponsor messages 23:44 Paul Walter Hauser joins the show 35:00 Movie obsession and Letterboxd honesty 48:08 Acting roles, comedy, and career ambitions 1:01:43 Boy Talk, Resident Evil, and future projects 1:14:06 Tour dates and Bodega Whiskey plugs Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:05Speaker 00

  Hey, hey, we might be drunk. We're back, baby. Sam's home from Europe. Back from the war.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  It's good to see your face, man.

• 0:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  The hair's coming in.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  It's getting there.

• 0:14Speaker 01

  You got a little Richard Spencer going on?

• 0:16Speaker 00

  I know, I hate the "in the army now" over here. I like the short sides. I'm gray on the side, so it looks even whiter.

• 0:22Speaker 01

  But it's your back.

• 0:23Speaker 00

  I'm back, baby.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  You look like no more big hat.

• 0:25Speaker 00

  No, that hat, I got creamed online. I mean, I read every comment. They were hilarious. Forrest Gump.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  But good on you for embracing it.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I liked every one of them. It was fun. I mean, that's what you expect. These comics who try to hide it. I think you gotta lean in.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  Lean in.

• 0:41Speaker 00

  They know who they are. I'm not gonna name any names. But all the New York-

• 0:45Speaker 01

  No, Soder does a bit about it.

• 0:46Speaker 00

  So, the New York comics own it.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  They lean in.

• 0:48Speaker 00

  Mateo, Soder, Hamilton, myself, yeah.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, man. No, Europe was cool, man. I'm glad as hell to be back, though. The second you hit that tarmac, you're just like, oh.

• 0:58Speaker 00

  I know, I know.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  I did like maybe one city too many.

• 1:01Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Once I landed in Copenhagen, I was like, this, I might have done too much.

• 1:05Speaker 00

  I feel like that's everything with overseas. You're like, this is amazing. Look at these buildings. Look at the food. Oh my god. And then, there's always that like, I gotta get back.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  I go hard, too. Every city I land in, I'm just like, do, like, do I do a gig in Copenhagen, I do a pedo joke, I'm making fun of, the joke, I forgot the joke, but it's like, I make fun of people who have sex with 15-year-olds. And it bombed. And I was like, what the hell was that? I get offstage, I go, that's the age of consent here.

• 1:28Speaker 00

  Ahhh!

• 1:30Speaker 01

  And I was like, what?

• 1:31Speaker 00

  Well, that's a joke in itself.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  And then, and then I was like, what the, and they go, they're trying to get it lowered. I'm like, they? Who's they?

• 1:36Speaker 00

  Wow. Book me a flight to Co- no.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  I guess it's the same in, I said, is that the same in like Stockholm? And they're like, yeah. I was like, this is crazy.

• 1:46Speaker 00

  Wow, cuz they always hear Europe, they're more advanced, they're more sophisticated, but, boy, 15, how about that?

• 1:51Speaker 01

  Not good.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  Wow, that means Epstein's island to them is normal, right?

• 1:55Speaker 01

  Well, I'm sure there must have been some younger ones, too. Yeah.

• 1:59Speaker 00

  15?

• 2:00Speaker 01

  You should have relocated. Tough winters, though, in that part of the world.

• 2:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  It's not as sexy as an island.

• 2:05Speaker 00

  That's true. That's why you gotta shack up with a gal, a young lady, get some warmth.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  Helsinki, it's like, they get, in the winters, they get like, 3 hours of daylight.

• 2:14Speaker 00

  I know.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  And by the way, amazing city, Helsinki.

• 2:17Speaker 00

  Oh, beautiful, beautiful. So cool.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  You kinda undersold it for me a little.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  But they, oh my god, I guess saunas are from Helsinki. And they gave me a whiskey that's like, made in sauna, so it smells like-

• 2:31Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  It smells like a man's balls. It's pretty cool.

• 2:35Speaker 00

  Did you get, I felt like the crowd, is that, wait?

• 2:37Speaker 01

  Helsinki?

• 2:38Speaker 00

  Where am I thinking of? Finland, yeah. I thought the crowd was tough in Helsinki.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  I actually had a good crowd. I, other places, I had, you know, a while to get going, but Helsinki, they were pretty drunk, they were rowdy.

• 2:48Speaker 00

  Oh, nice.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  They wanted it dark.

• 2:50Speaker 00

  Oh, interesting.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  Was that kinda, was like, alright.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  Did you get the fish soup?

• 2:54Speaker 01

  The fish soup?

• 2:54Speaker 00

  That's their thing, fish soup.

• 2:55Speaker 01

  I had soup. I don't know if I had fish soup.

• 2:58Speaker 00

  Oh, it's really good.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  I had a lot of, a lot of herring. That's their thing over there, the herring.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, they love fish. And then, did you go to Stockholm?

• 3:05Speaker 01

  I did.

• 3:06Speaker 00

  That's a great town.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  The women, oh my god.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  Oh, man, it's all just tall blondes. It's crazy.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I had a, had a good ass time in Stockholm. Athens, great. Budapest. You feel the heaviness of Budapest, though. That's like, have you done Budapest?

• 3:20Speaker 00

  Never been.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  I guess I was not aware of how bad they've had it.

• 3:24Speaker 00

  I don't know anything about Budapest.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Well, they went from Hitler to Stalin. I guess that's a lot of that part of the world, but like, they feel like they've hit, they've been hit.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  Right.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  And it like, and it still feels, whereas you go to like Zagreb, and like, they've been through some like, you know, in Croatia, they've been through like, the civil war and everything, but they, it feels like they're just like, ah!

• 3:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  That's Drazen Petrovic, the Croatian, uh, player.

• 3:47Speaker 00

  Oh, wow.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  Did you ever see, yeah, he's naked. They don't, yeah, they don't wear clothes when they play over there. It's weird.

• 3:53Speaker 00

  Thank god.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Clothes cost extra. No, but, you know, they made a great documentary, Once Brothers, on ESPN 30 for 30s, and it's about the Yugoslavian civil war, and like, how the, the team almost beat the dream team. They were that good. Cuz they had like Drazen Petrovic, Dino Rajev, Vladi Divox, and Toni Kukoc.

• 4:11Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  So they were stacked, but then the war happens, they're split up. Drazen and Vladi never speak again, cuz of the war. So, they're split up, they both make the NBA, they never speak again. Drazen dies in a car crash. His girlfriend's driving, she survives, the person in the backseat survives, he's in the front seat sleeping, he dies.

• 4:29Speaker 00

  Oh, imagine going to war and then dying in a car crash. That's crazy.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  But...

• 4:34Speaker 00

  Wow, wait, so-

• 4:37Speaker 01

  Never. That's the lesson we got from this, yes.

• 4:39Speaker 00

  If you do, don't sleep. That's crazy. Wow. Well, Zagreb, well, I've never even heard of it. It sounds like a, like a Star Trek villain.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 4:48Speaker 00

  Zagreb.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  It's awesome.

• 4:50Speaker 00

  Really?

• 4:50Speaker 01

  And they were asking for you. They want you to come.

• 4:52Speaker 00

  Pull up some Zagreb, folks.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  I had a thousand people there. In fucking Zagreb, the Balkans.

• 4:56Speaker 00

  Wasn't that the one where you're like, I'm hurting in Zagreb, or was that Budapest, where you were like-

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Budapest. But it turned around.

• 5:01Speaker 00

  Okay. Look how pretty. This is unbelievable.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Isn't it cool?

• 5:05Speaker 00

  I'm going to Zagreb. Wow, they got trolleys.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. No, beautiful place, man.

• 5:11Speaker 00

  Holy moly.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  I just brought a friend. Yeah, just like, you know, hit the town. We booked some of these cities when we were single.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  Oh, he's got a lady, too, now?

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:23Speaker 00

  Oh, damn.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  I was like, god, we wanted to hit like Stockholm. We were like, let's add Stockholm and Copenhagen. Then we got there, we're like, guess I'll jack off before the show?

• 5:32Speaker 00

  Jack off with the window open. Look at her. 15, who cares?

• 5:36Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that's on the, the Third Man thing, so that's pretty cool.

• 5:38Speaker 00

  Wow, look at that.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, 1897, dude.

• 5:42Speaker 00

  Damn. The Coney Island, uh, roller coaster's pretty old as well, by the way.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  Not 1897.

• 5:47Speaker 00

  No, I think it's 1901 or something.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's the famous scene. Yeah, what else? Any other pics I sent you, Selah Kees? Oh, that's the Third Man Tunnel, dude, from the famous scene when he's running away. It smells so fucking bad. And there's the sewer. So, so it smells so fucking bad, that apparently Orson Welles wouldn't shoot. And that he was just like, he was like, let's just build a stage and shoot the rest in like, London or something. So he shot like some, most of it there, but then, he was like, I can't take this smell.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  There it is.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  Pretty cool, man.

• 6:17Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 6:18Speaker 01

  Oh, uh, god.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Oh, dude, so in Zagreb, they have a museum of broken relationships. So they're like, you gotta go to the museum. It's, it's, literally, people donate shit that they, like a breakup or a love thing that went south. Yeah, so picnic basket, yeah, what does it say? My, my lover was enthusiastic about, uh, having sex in the open, outside, so I got us a gorgeous, uh, cliche of a picnic blanket.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  Sorry, it's a little small.

• 6:47Speaker 00

  Gingham wool with faux leather straps, the whole works. Unfortunately, we broke up before we got a chance to use it. The population density in Belgium is very high, it's difficult to find a quiet spot, and the weather does not help either.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it was stuff like that. Some of them are funny, some of them are sad, and there's the blanket. And it's just, that's the whole museum. It's just, oh, I had a breakup, and you realize like, wow, a lot of relationships end because of like, you know, distance. Some of them are just like, the person died.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  Exactly. I'm like, I'm never coming back, baby. Yeah, that's a mirror. That's another one someone donated. Yeah, this-

• 7:19Speaker 02

  Three standing mirror for hours. My wife is standing in front of this mirror, getting herself ready every day in the morning, and in the evening, it was okay for me, even if at times I found it a little obsessive.

• 7:30Speaker 00

  Phone calls in front of the mirror? Wow, okay.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, now she, uh, I think she cheated on him or something, and then, now he's got the mirror.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  But they were, I was like, this is kinda fascinating to read. Yeah, I don't know. And then, uh-

• 7:42Speaker 00

  There's the Mutter Museum in Philly, where it's those dead people, and it's like, a guy with a hole in his head, and it has a hammer, you know, and then there's a guy with like, a bullet through his head, and he's like, my wife, uh, found me, whatever. It's fun, yeah. Great, great, if we're talking museums.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  That's when I was in Warsaw. They have like little tourist spots. I don't know who's buying these. They're trying to play to Jews, but they're like, here's some Hebrew stereotype.

• 8:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  And it's just, they're like, yeah, I'm not, no one's buying that.

• 8:07Speaker 00

  I thought that was Sam and Veder.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  He's complaining about the meals. And, uh, yeah, went to the camps, Madonna, fuck.

• 8:18Speaker 00

  Damn, oh, you did?

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Heavy stuff.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  Oh my god. Ugh. Hard to crack a joke there.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  It was. Yeah.

• 8:26Speaker 00

  Oh, jeez.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  I'm so privileged in New York. I saw that, I was like, what is this, Arturo's? Look at that.

• 8:31Speaker 00

  Let's go love it, baby.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  But, uh, I did make jokes. We had tour guys, and they, they have a sense of humor about it. You have to, like, that's a part of, you know-

• 8:40Speaker 00

  It's coping.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  You have to, yeah, yeah. But, uh, yeah, heavy shit to do that and then go to the show, but yeah. Did 2 nights in Warsaw, fucking worth it. Awesome.

• 8:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, Louis had that great joke about, uh, is it Dacko? Dracko?

• 8:52Speaker 01

  Dacko.

• 8:53Speaker 00

  Dacko. He's like, I went to Dacko, and they have a, they have a Twitter account. He's like, why do they have a Twitter? There's some like 18-year-old girl like, uh, in charge of it. I don't know.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  It's hilarious. It's how I feel about when you see like hospitals promoting.

• 9:05Speaker 00

  Yes!

• 9:05Speaker 01

  You're like, we'll find you.

• 9:06Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Or they're like, we're open Christmas. You're like, yeah, we know. You have to be.

• 9:11Speaker 00

  Nathan McIntosh has that funny bit about, uh, Oreos tweeted, "Hey, we support the trans movement" or whatever, and he's like, "You're a cookie. Be a cookie." And he's got the high voice.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  I had a bit about that with fucking, uh, Skittles, where it said, "Black trans lives matter," and I'm like, you had us a taste of the rainbow.

• 9:27Speaker 00

  Right, oh yeah.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  You don't have to overdo it.

• 9:29Speaker 00

  You're already there.

• 9:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. But, uh-

• 9:32Speaker 00

  Melted your mouth.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  That's evident.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, it's fucking killer, man. Killer trip, but uh, yeah, I'm, you know, good to be back.

• 9:40Speaker 00

  What'd you do, two weeks, three weeks?

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Two, two, two weeks and like two nights probably.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  Wow, yeah, it felt like you were gone for a while.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Flies by though. I mean, you're just, you're working, you're in constant movement. You land, you just wanna do shit. That's, I, I just wanna, you do stuff during the day, you're like, I only get like, one or two nights in each city, so you wanna, you wanna make it count.

• 9:56Speaker 00

  It's hard on you though, cause you wanna see the city, but then you gotta work on your set, but then you wanna get drunk after. And then you got a flight in the morning to go to the next city, so it's a, it's a lot of moving parts with these European dates.

• 10:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, but also just walking around, you get bits.

• 10:09Speaker 00

  That's true.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  In motion, like, let me just like look, I, I, it's like the one time I look at my steps is when I travel. Let me make sure I get like fifteen thousand steps in at least, so I at least know I'm seeing the city and, and doing shit.

• 10:20Speaker 00

  And, and then when you, the beauty of traveling is you're like, you get a coffee here, you get a, you get a coffee in Zagreb. It's a, it's a thing, you know, it's like an event. I'm getting a salad in Stockholm, I'm getting a meatball, or whatever, it's like, you get to see an old restaurant, or go down a new street, it's, it's, it's very exciting.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  On the road?

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Cause we do a thing on this show called.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  I've heard, yeah, I've heard.

• 10:41Speaker 00

  You hadn't been gone that long.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  I got, uh, no, I, I got some new bits, but they're like, they're either working or they're not, I don't, and, or they'd be like for the city, you know?

• 10:48Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 10:49Speaker 01

  Do you have any new stuff you're working on?

• 10:49Speaker 00

  I got some new stuff. Everything I got is like, B minus, you know, I just can't get it over that hump of like getting it great, it's all good.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  We, I'll run one if you wanna run one.

• 10:58Speaker 00

  Sure, I'm down to run.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  I got one, so I had one where, the girl I'm seeing, I'm tucking her son in a bed, and he said, uh.

• 11:06Speaker 00

  God, that's all you're tucking. Sorry. You scared me there.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  And he said, uh, he said, "Goodnight, Sam", I said, "Goodnight", and then he goes, "I love you", and I said, "I love you too." And I said, "It should've been a nice moment, but I, I haven't said it to his mom yet."

• 11:20Speaker 00

  That's great.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  And she's right there, you know, so that became a thing. So I had a couple angles, one line hit where I said, you know, the, the L word, that's, at my age, it's big. It's like the N word, I've only said it a few times, and every time it's ended really badly for me, so, so that hit, and then I had a thing about like, there's a few, she's like, well, you say it, a few angles, one is, she's like, you say it to your guy friends, I'm like, "Yeah, but I see a lot of them like, four times a year."

• 11:44Speaker 00

  Right.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  It's easy to love someone who's never around.

• 11:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:48Speaker 01

  You're here all the time.

• 11:49Speaker 00

  Right.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  You know, also, I've never had it end badly with a guy, I've never, I've never had a falling out with a guy where he's like, "You fucking said you loved me."

• 11:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Then he keys my car, and then, uh, and then I had a thing, I want an angle about like, uh.

• 12:00Speaker 00

  Ooh, that's heavy. A kid saying that, I was like, jeez.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  Really?

• 12:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, it's good, it's a funny bit, I'm just, if I was there, I would've crumbled.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  Eh, gotta make jokes, I guess.

• 12:10Speaker 00

  No, no, it's a good joke.

• 12:11Speaker 01

  The idea that I think like the "I love you" for the man is like, the vagina for the woman, you try to hold on to it as long as possible.

• 12:18Speaker 00

  Ah, right, right.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  I don't know how to end this part, but it's like, it's like, uh, it's like, ah, like, "Once I get rid of this, I got nothing."

• 12:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  That was my thing.

• 12:28Speaker 00

  Oh, that's funny.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  You know, I don't know where to end it, but I don't know.

• 12:31Speaker 00

  There could be something too where she says, like in a month, she's like, "I love you", and you're like, "Ah, I'm already in love with someone else", you know, talking about the kid, like, we already have a, I've already got an "I love you" with him, I can't have two "I love yous" going.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  It's easier with, when it's not sexual.

• 12:44Speaker 00

  It is.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Non-sexual love is easier.

• 12:47Speaker 00

  That's true. You talking about the girl or the kid?

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Both.

• 12:49Speaker 00

  All right, all right. Get me to Copenhagen.

• 12:54Speaker 00

  How old's this kid? Uh, yeah, that's great, that's great. Uh, is this anything? Um, okay. So my kid, he's about two now, he's almost pushing two, and he loves, he has a toy baby and a toy stroller, and it's pissing me off. Because he's, I love the kid, but it's the hardest thing I've ever done, and he's making a mockery of it. He's like, "I'm a dad too", I'm like, "That's stolen valor." That kid doesn't shit, it doesn't piss, it doesn't cry, you know, you're, you're playing with G.I. Joes, I'm in Nam, you know, like, I'm going through it.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  I would put stolen valor at the end.

• 13:27Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  I like, I like, you know, "I'm doing this, I'm doing that", you know, "I'm, I'm in Nam, that's stolen valor."

• 13:33Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  I like it at the end.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  Maybe, yeah, maybe, cause stolen valor's the big hit.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, totally.

• 13:37Speaker 00

  Okay, so yeah, I'm still playing with it, but, the idea of having a baby as a toy is like, why would you want a burden? Like, this, the, the kid is, it's hard, it's, it's like, you know, hinders you.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  It's a weird doll too, cause you're not using that, like, when he's gonna be a parent. He's not like, "What did I do when I was two with a baby?", you know? It's like, you just, yeah, you just have a baby. It's a weird, it's also a weird thing, like, get him a fucking Ninja Turtle or something.

• 14:02Speaker 00

  I know, that's what I see.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  Who got him the baby? He didn't buy it?

• 14:04Speaker 00

  Uh, I think it was like a hand-me-down, somebody gave it to him, and he's loving it, he's like, "A baby, I got the baby, I'm a dad now", and all this shit, I'm like, "Hey, I'm a dad, fuck you." You got a blow-up doll, I, I've got Lindsay Clancy, you know? This is a different thing. But, uh, yeah, so I'm playing with it, and then I say something like that, I'm like, uh, I wouldn't wanna, I would never, if I had a baby doll as a kid, I'd be like, "Mom, I didn't ask for this", and she was like, "Neither did I", but, uh, so that hits, but, yeah, it feels like it needs more.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's interesting that he's doing what you're doing.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  The hardest thing in my life, he's doing is a toy. Like, that'd be like a roofer.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  The next if he gets like a microphone.

• 14:42Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, that's true.

• 14:44Speaker 01

  Other things that you do that are hard.

• 14:47Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  He's just sitting in a, in an airline seat, I'm trying to think of other shit.

• 14:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  What else could he do that's?

• 14:53Speaker 00

  In the back of a plane at the, he's going to the Toledo Funny Bone.

• 14:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't know, maybe, it's, it's doing okay, it's doing okay.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, and he's another thing.

• 15:04Speaker 00

  He's another thing.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  It's like, uh.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  Hmm. Also, he didn't have to get laid, by the way.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  Thank God.

• 15:16Speaker 00

  I had to meet somebody, get married, the whole thing. It just feels like a cheat code.

• 15:21Speaker 01

  He didn't do any of the work.

• 15:22Speaker 00

  He didn't do any of the work, and you're still not doing any of the work, but you get to have a baby.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  I like that it annoys you.

• 15:27Speaker 00

  It annoys me.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  I like that he, that you're like, you're making a mockery.

• 15:31Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  But then you didn't do that, but then you realize, I didn't do that much either, I just came in his mom.

• 15:35Speaker 00

  Ah, that's a good point. She did all the work.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. I made the mistake the other day, I was like, "Man, with these hair plugs, I totally get the C-section", and she was like, "Fuck you."

• 15:46Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah. Uh, all right, I'll play with it, I'll play with it. There's something there.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  Something there, for sure. What, uh?

• 15:55Speaker 00

  You got another one?

• 15:56Speaker 01

  I, I mean, I got a bunch, but I, they're not like, anywhere near ready, probably.

• 16:00Speaker 00

  Same, same, that's, that's, that's the point, yeah, mine is not ready either.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  Okay, I had one about the, uh, the guy who flew to Bangkok, and to get genital enhancement surgery.

• 16:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, black guy, right? That was shocking.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  He went with his wife, and I was like, yeah, apparently she didn't try to talk him out of it.

• 16:18Speaker 00

  Oh, true, yeah.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  He's like, he's like, "Do I need this?", and she was like, "Yes", which is fucking brutal. And then also, the angle of like, uh, clearly he didn't have kids, you can't do that procedure when you have a kid. You can't be like, having a little girl be like, "Daddy, please", and he's like, "Sorry, I just, I really want a bigger penis." "I'm rolling the dice", you know? And then the angle of like, well, she's single now, so maybe like, hopefully the next guy she picks has a big dick, so this doesn't happen again.

• 16:46Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  She's gonna take his pants off, and she's like, "Thank God",

• 16:49Speaker 00

  Right.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  "This is gonna save us an international flight."

• 16:54Speaker 00

  Also, Sam, when you pull up a, a dick enlargement, I'm like, "I'd go for the before."

• 17:01Speaker 00

  But that is a, a thick hog on the right there.

• 17:04Speaker 01

  For, for soft?

• 17:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:07Speaker 01

  It's a weird shape.

• 17:08Speaker 00

  It is a little, little football-y there.

• 17:14Speaker 00

  Isn't it annoying that the dick is the only thing on your body you can't, like, you can build your biceps, you can get your shoulders bigger, your abs, your, your thighs, you can't, we work out the dick every day, when you jerk off, and it won't get bigger. But if I worked out my legs every day, they'd be huge.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  And they would make your dick look smaller.

• 17:31Speaker 00

  And they would make my dick look smaller. You can't win.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  What do you got? What else?

• 17:34Speaker 00

  All right, all right, all right.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  Let's do one more, yeah.

• 17:36Speaker 00

  You want one about, uh, porn, or you want one about ice?

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Porn.

• 17:41Speaker 00

  Okay. So I'm doing this whole thing about, and tell me if it's too close to your old bit, but I think the punchline's very different. But I'm doing this whole thing about how, uh, everybody's addicted to porn now, all these young dudes, and, the problem is porn is, is in your pocket. When I was younger, porn was like a group thing, you know, we did it in the woods, and we'd sit in a circle and pass it around. Like, you know when you go on a website, a porn website, it says "share", and you're like, "Who's sharing this?", "We did", we would pass around video HHSs and magazines.

• 18:10Speaker 01

  That's different for my bit.

• 18:11Speaker 00

  Okay, so that, thank God, that part hits.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  We used to share, yeah. Did you really do it in the woods?

• 18:16Speaker 00

  We had porn in the woods, it was under a rock, we found a bunch of porn.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Oh my God.

• 18:20Speaker 00

  And we'd sit in a circle in, in sleeping bags.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  There was never a bandit? No one ever stole it?

• 18:25Speaker 00

  Ah, we shared. It was like a communal thing. It was actually quite, it was quite nice.

• 18:30Speaker 01

  It's good for the neighborhood.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  Did you jack off outdoors in the group?

• 18:37Speaker 00

  We didn't jack off in the woods, but we'd get it from the woods.

• 18:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, easy there, pervert.

• 18:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  But, uh, yeah.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  Copenhagen.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Copenhagen.

• 18:47Speaker 00

  So that part hits, the share thing hits, and then, uh, then I say, it's kinda like weed, porn and weed have had the same kinda trajectory, like, you took what you got back then, you know, you're like, "Seeds and stems, we'll make it work", and then back in the day, you're like, "Bitch, porn, I'll make it work", and then, uh, I got a couple of those, and then I say, "The problem though is weed and porn got too strong."

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  I, I do, I do an edible now, and I'm like, "That's gonna fuck me up for a while", now I watch a porn, I'm like, "That's gonna fuck me up for a while", you know?

• 19:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's a cleaner way to do both, yeah, now, an edible or I watch porn, I'm like, "That's gonna fuck me up for a while",

• 19:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  You can just get it in one, but yeah, but that's good, yeah, that's, uh, fuck, Jesus Christ, I hope, uh, no one knows I did that.

• 19:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  No, I'm, I'm going to a party in a few, I hope no one knows I did that.

• 19:28Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, I gotta hide it.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 19:30Speaker 00

  There's a lot of porn and weed, um, uh, similarities, analogies, or whatever you call it.

• 19:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can tell when someone's too into it.

• 19:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, it's always a creepy, you get it from a creepy guy on the corner, maybe, uh, yeah, your older brother had some good stuff.

• 19:46Speaker 01

  You get it from a, yeah, fuck.

• 19:48Speaker 00

  Your dad's stash, your dad had porn, your dad had weed, it's gonna be sticky.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, sticky something.

• 19:55Speaker 00

  Sticky works, but it's all, you know, it's a little, all over the place.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:59Speaker 00

  But, uh.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  No, but there's something there, like the, uh.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  Porn and uh, you're paranoid with both, that's an angle.

• 20:08Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, true. You don't want to get caught.

• 20:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:12Speaker 00

  Red-handed.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  Your wife is like, "I would have done this with you."

• 20:15Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, let me write that paranoid down, that's good.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  He'll send it to you.

• 20:21Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, true.

• 20:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  We got, we got a guest coming in a minute, so we should uh, we should wrap this up.

• 20:29Speaker 00

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• 21:12Speaker 00

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• 22:19Speaker 00

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• 23:21Speaker 00

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• 23:46Speaker 01

  Nice to meet you, man.

• 23:49Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  Hey, Alex, what's up, man?

• 23:51Speaker 00

  What's up? It's like when you bring a girlfriend in the green room.

• 23:56Speaker 00

  Hey, how are you?

• 24:02Speaker 00

  Nice to meet you, Paul. Oh, you're over here, then?

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:07Speaker 00

  I think, well, I think he does, too. Oh, okay, great.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  Oh, good, all right, great. Let's, are we rolling?

• 24:16Speaker 00

  Hitler's birthday.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, get it, use the mic, yeah.

• 24:20Speaker 00

  Appreciate it.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  So, uh...

• 24:23Speaker 03

  Have you guys had Rodney in here?

• 24:25Speaker 00

  I wish. This is the dead wall.

• 24:26Speaker 04

  Thanks, man. What's your name?

• 24:28Speaker 03

  Louis. Is that the RIP wall?

• 24:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  It's the death, it's the wall of death.

• 24:32Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, we're next.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude.

• 24:36Speaker 04

  That's one of my homies.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  Which one?

• 24:39Speaker 04

  Well, I'm friendly with Judd, too, but Larry Charles directed me in my first job in L.A.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  Whoa, what was that?

• 24:45Speaker 04

  It was a pilot nobody saw. It was called Lee Mathers. It was me.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  I thought you were gonna say the Kanye pilot for a second.

• 24:51Speaker 04

  The Kanye?

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Because didn't he do that?

• 24:53Speaker 00

  Did he?

• 24:53Speaker 01

  I think Larry Charles...

• 24:54Speaker 00

  He did he?

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, he tried to do a Curb.

• 24:57Speaker 04

  Oh, Kanye tried to do a Curb?

• 25:01Speaker 00

  A Curb episode?

• 25:02Speaker 01

  No, he tried to do his version of Curb.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  Whoa!

• 25:05Speaker 01

  And I think Larry Charles did it.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  He would be the guy to do it.

• 25:07Speaker 04

  What are you guys doing? Look at my Nazi paraphernalia.

• 25:12Speaker 00

  I got a Black Clan hood here.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  His music's good, guys.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  It is.

• 25:17Speaker 00

  That's true.

• 25:18Speaker 04

  It's a bummer to separate. That he's in such a dark place, because I really threw the wire as a real...

• 25:24Speaker 00

  Great tune. He's coming out of it, though. I think he's coming back. Yeah, he did the Staples Center.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  Quince. Getting dressed for the fall should be easy. A good sweater, pants that fit, a jacket that keeps you warm. Somehow, buying those 3 things can cost you more than your vacation. Quince makes high-quality staples using premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere. That's a good cashmere, I guess.

• 25:46Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  Organic cotton, merino wool. You know I love merino wool.

• 25:50Speaker 00

  That's the best wool.

• 25:51Speaker 01

  That's that wool keeps your feet nice and warm in the winter.

• 25:54Speaker 00

  Very nice.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Love merino wool. Their cashmere sweaters start at 60 bucks. That's wild. They also have premium down jackets, classic wool outerwear for when the temperature drops. Everything at Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen, so you're paying for quality instead of the brand markup. That's right, no kid labor, I would, I think. Sounds like no kid labor. Is it ethical, right? Uh, no animal testing, probably, ethical?

• 26:21Speaker 00

  Very good.

• 26:22Speaker 01

  I, I wear their shit all the time.

• 26:24Speaker 00

  Oh, I love Quince.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  I love it, dude. It's quality, it fits right, and it's not expensive. I, I love it. And I like what, like, when it's not the logo everywhere on it.

• 26:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, true, true.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  It's, it's got, it's got everything going for it. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK as well. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was We Might Be Drunk. It's the best way to support the show. Quince!

• 26:53Speaker 00

  Thank you. Everybody liked it.

• 26:55Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 26:56Speaker 05

  Oh, my gosh, Mr. Waz, we are so glad you're here. Thank you so much. A dream, like a wish come true. Delilah!

• 27:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's Kanye.

• 27:11Speaker 01

  This is Kanye's understanding of comedy. Let's open on cancer.

• 27:15Speaker 00

  Right.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, comedy these days, it's like we just gotta go to Austin, Texas, for a say anything.

• 27:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:24Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 27:25Speaker 03

  I'm with the Make-A-Wish kid right now.

• 27:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  Let's get in there.

• 27:29Speaker 00

  There we go.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  You can see Larry Charles' fingerprints all over that.

• 27:34Speaker 00

  Larry Charles is a genius.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  He really is, I know.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  Oh, man. Didn't he do Bookman, the Seinfeld one?

• 27:39Speaker 00

  He did, he wrote that one. He wrote the one where they go to L.A. He did Borat.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  The, the Librarian.

• 27:45Speaker 04

  Oh, the episode, yeah.

• 27:47Speaker 01

  Philip Baker Hall. Underrated in comedy, he's fucking hilarious.

• 27:51Speaker 04

  Brilliantly funny.

• 27:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, very funny. Is he Magnolia?

• 27:54Speaker 04

  Magnolia? He was in PTA's first movie, Hard Nasty.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  His whole thing, his character is like, uh, it's like a Tim Robinson character where his wife's like, "Did you molest our daughter?" And he's like, "I don't remember." I'm like, "How the fuck are you playing this straight?" You don't say, "I don't remember."

• 28:08Speaker 04

  Oh, my gosh. Philip Baker Hall, one of the greatest character actors ever.

• 28:13Speaker 00

  Yes, PTA's first. Is that a young Pedro?

• 28:16Speaker 04

  I love those, like, guys who are just, like, good in everything. That's my favorite.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  You're one of those guys, dude.

• 28:24Speaker 04

  Did my parents tell you to say that?

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Yes, they called, but dude, I, I saw, I remember seeing I, Tanya in the theater with my folks and...

• 28:31Speaker 04

  It was a cool movie.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  Dude, it's great, but you were, like, stealing every scene you were in. I remember being like, "Who the fuck is this guy?" Which is like, it's so fun to watch a movie and go, "Who the fuck is this guy?"

• 28:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's fun. Yeah. And then they get overexposed because they never stop working and everyone gets sick of them.

• 28:48Speaker 00

  No.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  That movie's the reason we became friends.

• 28:50Speaker 04

  That's so weird. We were leaving a Paul Simon concert at the Hollywood Bowl.

• 28:55Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 28:56Speaker 04

  And his wife saw that I was rocking an I, Tanya, like, sweatshirt.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  She was wearing an I, Tanya sweatshirt.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  No, she was wearing it. That was it.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  Because it was a gift.

• 29:03Speaker 04

  His wife and I were sharing clothes.

• 29:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:05Speaker 04

  And I said, yeah, it was a gift.

• 29:07Speaker 03

  Same shoe size.

• 29:08Speaker 04

  And I, I said to her, I was like, "Hey, I was in that movie."

• 29:11Speaker 03

  I don't even know if you, I think you played it more coy. You sort of sidled up to it. There were just, like, mobs of people walking out of the Hollywood Bowl, and you were like, "Hey, nice shirt." You're like, "Hey, thanks, cool." And then we did, sort of did a double take, and we're like, "Wait a minute, you're the good, oh, hey."

• 29:24Speaker 00

  Hey.

• 29:24Speaker 03

  We walked, like, another mile and a half.

• 29:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  Now, here we are. I'm your part-time bodyguard. That's why I'm here.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  If he dies, I help raise his kids. We made a lot of decisions together.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  Vice versa.

• 29:35Speaker 00

  Godfather.

• 29:36Speaker 04

  But no, I was excited to meet you because you were, you were one of the cast members on SNL that I saw before you got SNL. I was all geeked up because, um, we did a Montreal Comedy Festival audition together. And I didn't get it. Did you get it?

• 29:51Speaker 03

  No.

• 29:52Speaker 04

  Yeah. I didn't get it either.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  That'll bond you.

• 29:54Speaker 04

  You guys done Montreal Comedy Festival?

• 29:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, it took 5 years to get it.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think 4 straight years. Every year, we'd look at each other like, I'd be like, "You got it." And he'd be like, "No, I didn't. You got it." And 4, 4 straight years of that, and then...

• 30:05Speaker 04

  And it was Echo Kellum every time.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  And, but, you heard stories about Montreal in the 90s where, like, you go, you get a $750,000 holding deal. By the time I got there, I think I got an agency that no longer exists.

• 30:16Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  They're like, "You want to work with Paradigm?" And I was like, "Yeah, I guess, I don't know."

• 30:21Speaker 00

  They always have names like that, like an X-Men. Prism.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  Authentic management.

• 30:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:28Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, no, there, you can, there's like a certain ring to it when you hear it. You ask somebody who you're with, and they're like, "I'm with, um, I'm with, um..."

• 30:37Speaker 01

  Converge.

• 30:38Speaker 04

  "I'm with Draw Shield."

• 30:42Speaker 03

  They're good, they're good.

• 30:43Speaker 00

  You signed up with Straight O'Hormuz? What the hell?

• 30:46Speaker 03

  They're too comedy focused.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  Hormuz chili? Um, we, uh, no, I, listen, I'm going on the road.

• 30:52Speaker 00

  I like Hormuz chili.

• 30:54Speaker 04

  I'm going on the road, I gotta start kidding.

• 30:55Speaker 00

  So you did stand up for a hot minute?

• 30:57Speaker 04

  I did stand up for over ten years and I just, I stopped.

• 30:59Speaker 00

  I'm sorry.

• 31:00Speaker 04

  I stopped, I, I-

• 31:02Speaker 03

  Is that a hot minute for you?

• 31:03Speaker 00

  Ten years is a lot longer than I would say.

• 31:06Speaker 04

  Longer than I should have, but I, I had, I had fun. I think it made me fearless in front of, uh, an audition room.

• 31:12Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:13Speaker 04

  Like, who gives a shit about somebody with a video camera if I've had to, like, bare my soul in front of a hundred drunk people?

• 31:19Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  That's, that's harder.

• 31:21Speaker 00

  So what were you, were you doing the road? Or were you like in LA doing the store and mics and stuff?

• 31:26Speaker 04

  No, I didn't get, I didn't get good enough to do the road. I was, I was doing bringer shows for god knows who, Francisco Ramos.

• 31:36Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:36Speaker 04

  Um, I was, uh, I was like, I was on a bunch of bringer shows, but then once in a while I'd get put on a really cool show. Like, I did meltdown comics with like-

• 31:46Speaker 00

  Oh, yes.

• 31:47Speaker 04

  Kyle Mooney and Brett Gelman and John Daly and all these people that I think are hilarious. And then I, my buddy gave me a spot at the Melrose Improv and it was like too good of a lineup where I just got completely eaten alive. It was like Joey Diaz, Howie Mandel, Patton Oswalt, Quinta Brunson. I was like, I'm fucked, man.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  But you were a regular at the Rooster Teeth Feathers in Grand Rapids, Michigan, right?

• 32:11Speaker 01

  No, that's in Sunnyvale.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  Sunnyvale, California.

• 32:14Speaker 03

  This is a satellite location.

• 32:16Speaker 00

  Really? Cause the, you had, uh, what was it? Dr. Grinns was the Grand Rapids.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  Grand Rapids, that's where you're from, right?

• 32:24Speaker 04

  Uh, I was born Grand Rapids, grew up in Saginaw, started doing stand up at sixteen and writing screenplays when I was sixteen. And, uh, just really immersed myself in all this Hollywood shit.

• 32:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 32:34Speaker 04

  I didn't know how to make it in Hollywood. I just, uh, I'll try to do a bunch of things. We'll see if, uh, if they, if I bet on black properly or whatever, you know?

• 32:43Speaker 00

  Sure. So you did wrestling, too?

• 32:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love wrestling.

• 32:47Speaker 00

  That's amazing.

• 32:48Speaker 04

  I just think it's fun, man.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Who's your, who was like your, your guys in wrestling?

• 32:52Speaker 04

  Um, grow, growing up, it was like Sting.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 32:56Speaker 04

  Uh, was my guy.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  Goth Sting or All American?

• 32:59Speaker 00

  Or the singer.

• 33:00Speaker 04

  Both.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, wait. Guy who left the police?

• 33:04Speaker 04

  (singing) No, not that singer. Um, yeah, Stinger was my guy. I also loved, uh,

• 33:11Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 33:12Speaker 04

  I loved DDP, The Rock.

• 33:15Speaker 00

  Hell, yeah.

• 33:16Speaker 04

  Ric Flair.

• 33:17Speaker 03

  Woo, can you bring them all up?

• 33:18Speaker 00

  DDP.

• 33:19Speaker 04

  Arn Anderson.

• 33:21Speaker 01

  Ooh, he's old school, yeah.

• 33:22Speaker 04

  Shawn Michaels, there were a lot of great ones. We were spoiled. We had so many good ones.

• 33:26Speaker 00

  We did, the Attitude Era.

• 33:28Speaker 04

  Ninety-five to two thousand, we were just spilling over with talented wrestlers. Is that Spider Noir on the, on the screen there?

• 33:36Speaker 01

  It's the third man.

• 33:37Speaker 00

  Well.

• 33:38Speaker 01

  Orson Welles.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  There you go.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  I just went to, I just went to Vienna. I did gigs all over Europe, but I went to Vienna and I loved that movie, so.

• 33:44Speaker 04

  How was that? I've never seen the movie, forgive me.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Oh, dude.

• 33:46Speaker 04

  I know it's a classic.

• 33:47Speaker 01

  It's a classic. You'll, you'll appreciate it. You're a movie guy.

• 33:51Speaker 04

  There's a number of classics I haven't gotten around to.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  It's, it's awesome and it's Orson, basically they talk about Orson Welles for like an hour and fifteen minutes and then he shows up for like the last twenty minutes and just crushes it. But he's just, he's an evil fucker in the movie. And he gives a famous speech, there's a famous line, I'm gonna butcher it, but it's something like, they're on a Ferris wheel, which is the oldest Ferris wheel.

• 34:10Speaker 04

  Jamie, could we get that up? Jamie, could we get Orson?

• 34:14Speaker 00

  Pull it up.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  It's from eighteen ninety-seven, this Ferris wheel. I went on it when I was there and I, as I got to the top, I was like, I maybe should not have done this. This is fucking terrifying. There I am, yeah.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  We'll put it in the show notes.

• 34:24Speaker 01

  But dude, uh, yeah, Orson Welles gives this famous, he riffs a line that ends up becoming one of the most iconic lines where he said, you know,

• 34:31Speaker 04

  Riffed it like ad libbed?

• 34:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, and he, and one of the lines-

• 34:33Speaker 03

  I'm walking here.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  One of the lines was like, you gotta pull it up, pull up the line. It's about the cuckoo clock. I'm gonna butcher it.

• 34:40Speaker 04

  I love that Tommy Lee Jones riffed the line, uh, "I don't care" in response to Harrison Ford's "I didn't kill my wife and the fugitive."

• 34:47Speaker 00

  Did he, yeah? Great delivery. "I don't care."

• 34:51Speaker 00

  Sounds like my wife.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:53Speaker 00

  I'd talk to her.

• 34:54Speaker 04

  Oh, Tires. I haven't seen the new season of Tires. I gotta get on there.

• 34:57Speaker 00

  It's pretty good.

• 34:58Speaker 04

  I love, I love the ones I saw.

• 35:01Speaker 06

  And when we do meet old man, it's you I wanna see, not the police. This, the cuckoo clock. So long, Hollywood. Brotherly love. And five hundred years, thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland, they had brotherly love. They had five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. So long, Hollywood.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  That's a riff.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  He improvised that?

• 35:33Speaker 01

  He wrote it, well, he wrote it before, but he, but he threw it in.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I do a bunch of that.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  It's also not true. People, I think Germany created the clock, but they were like, yeah, just throw it in. It's a great fucking line.

• 35:44Speaker 04

  That's so-

• 35:45Speaker 01

  That's so, Orson Welles, like, I got this, I got, you know?

• 35:47Speaker 00

  It's like Animal House. Forget that he's rolling.

• 35:50Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, that's right. So good.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude. No, great movie.

• 35:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love, um,

• 35:55Speaker 00

  I had to make the Jew Tunnel joke to you, my tech, sorry.

• 35:58Speaker 04

  It's cool that, yeah, for the record, I just, I, I only know you as comedy guys and we haven't met before, so in my head, I'm like, assuming your background on your laptop or computer would be like, uh, Slapshot or Super Troopers or something.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  I love those movies, too.

• 36:14Speaker 04

  To see it be the third man, I'm like, ooh.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  It's his computer, but, uh,

• 36:16Speaker 00

  But we're, uh, we're movie nerds.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I adore movies. It's just one of those things where like, if, if you said you can do anything, like my wife, I turn forty next month, my wife is like, what do you wanna do for your birthday? And like, to her, it's like, should we dazzle the town? Should we paint it red? And I'm like, I just wanna go to a movie theater.

• 36:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, let's just go see Tony.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  Guy had an afternoon to kill and he went and saw The Weight.

• 36:39Speaker 04

  The Weight.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Which I had to Google what, are you familiar? Not heard of it either. He went and saw it in the theater.

• 36:43Speaker 04

  Ethan Hawke, Russell Crowe.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 36:46Speaker 04

  Uh, terrific, like, throwback movie. It's got vibes of like Treasures of Sierra Madre.

• 36:51Speaker 01

  Ooh, okay.

• 36:52Speaker 04

  Uh, mixed with like a seventies, uh, drama.

• 36:55Speaker 00

  This is the problem with cinema. I haven't even heard of this.

• 36:57Speaker 04

  Oh, it's so, dude, it's my favorite movie of the year right now.

• 37:01Speaker 00

  I'm gonna watch the hell out of this.

• 37:02Speaker 04

  And there's been some good ones this year.

• 37:05Speaker 00

  I mean, didn't you come in with a movie cup?

• 37:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is from the theater, AMC Empire.

• 37:09Speaker 00

  This is a fan. Also, the fact that you're not forty is horrifying. Come on, ball.

• 37:15Speaker 04

  We just, we assumed, we know.

• 37:18Speaker 00

  I will watch it. I just watched, uh, the Bourdain movie.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Oh, I gotta watch it.

• 37:22Speaker 04

  I watched it last night.

• 37:23Speaker 00

  I really liked it.

• 37:24Speaker 04

  Uh, I thought it was good. It's coming of age vibe and, uh, it didn't blow my mind, but it was entertaining and I thought the, that kid, Dominic Sessa from Holdovers.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  Do you feel weird honestly talking about movies on podcasts? Cause you're like, maybe I wanna work with this guy.

• 37:40Speaker 04

  No, I don't give a shit. You either like me or you don't. I'm fine.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 37:44Speaker 04

  I don't like, I don't like trying to be timid with pleasing everybody. I think that's absurd. Um, but I have, I have suffered the slings and arrows of that on my letterbox.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  Really?

• 37:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh, yeah.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  Someone's brought it up to you?

• 37:58Speaker 04

  There have been people who've complained. I won't say who and go into it, but like, there's been some people who've complained. One person like called my manager and was like, what's going on with Paul? I'm like, dude, please fuck off to seven continents away. If, if you're upset about my letterbox, like,

• 38:15Speaker 00

  Right.

• 38:16Speaker 04

  I'm just being, I, I, at some point, people got really upset with anyone being honest.

• 38:21Speaker 00

  I completely agree.

• 38:22Speaker 03

  I could have texted you directly, but I felt like going through your manager.

• 38:25Speaker 04

  No, dude, Christmas with, uh, what was it called?

• 38:28Speaker 03

  Cranks? Christmas, Christmas with the Campbells?

• 38:31Speaker 04

  Christmas with the Campbells, starring you and Justin Long.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  Uh-huh.

• 38:34Speaker 00

  Pull it up.

• 38:34Speaker 04

  I gave him a three and a half. I'm, you know, I thought that was-

• 38:37Speaker 00

  That sounds high.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  That's your friend.

• 38:39Speaker 04

  Seventy percent on RT? That's not enough for you?

• 38:41Speaker 03

  Is that right?

• 38:42Speaker 04

  No, he, I actually met someone who worked on this movie recently. I think the couple that wrote it.

• 38:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, pull it up.

• 38:48Speaker 04

  The couple that wrote it.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  Ripper's the whole thing.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  They're homeless now. You ruined their career.

• 38:52Speaker 04

  No, hand, hand to God, hand to God, hand to God, I liked the movie. And there's a scene where, where homeboy Alex literally farts. For real, a shoot, as they say in wrestling. He had a shoot fart and they kept it in the movie.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:08Speaker 04

  I could not believe it.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  Shoots and ladders.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  He tried to squeeze one out.

• 39:12Speaker 01

  That's on par with Orson Welles' riff right there.

• 39:14Speaker 03

  Thank you. I appreciate that.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  I like it, yeah.

• 39:16Speaker 00

  I love when you can tell everything from the box. Everything.

• 39:18Speaker 04

  For all seasons. Do you guys know that stand up comedian, uh, all he does is riff, Casey Rocket?

• 39:24Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. Those are riffs?

• 39:27Speaker 04

  Uh, supposedly. I'm sure he writes some of them, but the kid is-

• 39:30Speaker 00

  He's manic.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  Insanely funny. He does this crab walk thing. Oh, my God. Him and who's the other guy? He just put out a special, Jack Tucker?

• 39:40Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 39:41Speaker 04

  Or Ta- man.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  You know more about stand up than us.

• 39:44Speaker 04

  He like made his name really silly and like, that's him, Zack Zucker. Do you know him? Oh, my God. Dude, his special on YouTube is out of control for me.

• 39:55Speaker 00

  I don't know. I'll check it out.

• 39:57Speaker 04

  Yeah. I don't know. I've seen nine million guys be like, the thing about dating,

• 40:01Speaker 00

  You're right.

• 40:02Speaker 04

  Like, this guy and Casey Rocket, you're getting like a whole different menu, man. It's nice to, nice to throw it in there with the traditional.

• 40:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:12Speaker 04

  Notice I didn't say instead of the traditional, I said with.

• 40:15Speaker 03

  With, yeah, yeah. In addition to.

• 40:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:17Speaker 00

  What about like a Rory Scoville or somebody?

• 40:19Speaker 04

  I just watched his special.

• 40:20Speaker 00

  He's fun.

• 40:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love Rory.

• 40:22Speaker 00

  A little different.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  Did you see his fully improvised special?

• 40:25Speaker 00

  I'd open for it.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Did you really?

• 40:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. One of them. Yeah, it was really cool. I went up with, with material. I felt good. I had a good set. Then he went up with nothing and blew the doors off and I was like, I gotta kill myself.

• 40:35Speaker 04

  Wild.

• 40:35Speaker 00

  Yeah. Very talented guy.

• 40:37Speaker 04

  I love Bill Burr. I like, I like old Cat Williams.

• 40:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:42Speaker 04

  Burr's stuff doesn't hit me as much, but I just, I'm fascinated by him. I like him.

• 40:46Speaker 00

  He's an interesting guy.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  He's a big golfer.

• 40:48Speaker 00

  Is he?

• 40:49Speaker 04

  Apparently.

• 40:50Speaker 00

  Huh.

• 40:50Speaker 04

  But like, a scratch golfer.

• 40:52Speaker 03

  What's that?

• 40:53Speaker 04

  Scratch golfer, like he's damn near like-

• 40:55Speaker 03

  He might be a scratch. I just said he's a big golfer. He might, is he scratch?

• 40:59Speaker 04

  Guys like him and Wahlberg, Sam Jackson, they're like, they're like, they could play professionally, I'm pretty sure.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Really?

• 41:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

• 41:07Speaker 00

  Apparently Cat Williams reads four thousand books a year, what did he say?

• 41:10Speaker 04

  Jamie, don't look that up.

• 41:11Speaker 01

  That's not possible.

• 41:11Speaker 00

  That's what he said.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  That's some Wilt Chamberlain, he's the Wilt Chamberlain of reading.

• 41:15Speaker 00

  Yeah. I loved his, uh, Kevin Hart roast segment where he like made up with Kevin Hart.

• 41:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:22Speaker 00

  Quote unquote.

• 41:23Speaker 04

  I wonder how constructed or genuine that was. It seems genuine, I think.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  I don't think it could have been.

• 41:28Speaker 04

  Seems genuine.

• 41:28Speaker 01

  Really?

• 41:29Speaker 04

  I don't know. I don't know. That's why I asked. I don't know.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  I think his agent's like, yeah, this venue could use a bump. Go on, go on and roast, uh, go on and roast.

• 41:37Speaker 04

  Look, if you wanna make good with Netflix, you gotta make up with Kevin.

• 41:44Speaker 04

  I don't know. That there's, uh, yeah, Hollywood beef is so funny.

• 41:48Speaker 00

  I know.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  Do you have any Hollywood beef?

• 41:50Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 41:50Speaker 01

  Do you have any Hollywood beef?

• 41:53Speaker 04

  Do I? Have I bitched about anybody to you, Alex?

• 41:57Speaker 00

  Just Alex.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  Just, yeah, just mainly me. Uh, but I'm trying to get out of your, off your shit list.

• 42:03Speaker 04

  I, um, no, I don't think I have any beef to be on. Even the people I have argued with on set, there have been a couple of people that I've gotten into more verbal altercation stuff with twice in like seventeen years. There, if I saw them tomorrow, I would hug, hug the crap out of both of them and we'd be fine.

• 42:21Speaker 01

  Why do you get into verbal altercations?

• 42:24Speaker 04

  It's usually insecurity on the part of a cast member and they're frustrated by something and then, uh, they, I, I don't know. I, I know it wasn't my fault either time. That's all I know. Um, yeah, you never know with some people. People are cool too. It's just some, you know, you might catch them on a bad date too.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:45Speaker 04

  I've had totally cool people still piss me off. Uh, marvelously. What's that?

• 42:54Speaker 04

  Card breaks or like work, work break? Okay. So I'm into sports cards.

• 42:59Speaker 00

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 43:01Speaker 04

  I, um, my first big break was, uh, Dustin Lance Black, the guy who wrote Milk for Sean Penn.

• 43:08Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 43:09Speaker 04

  He, I showed up to be a background actor on his film and, um, he gave me an audition for a speaking part and I made like eight grand and moved to Hollywood from Michigan and, and then, uh, the one where I got to like quit my day job and like, actually just act for a living was, I was working at Flappers in Burbank.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  Oh shit.

• 43:32Speaker 04

  And I was, I was the door guy. I was the door guy and, uh, and I got the show Kingdom, which we were just talking about, the director of The Weight, the Ethan Hawke movie. He was the editor on the show Kingdom and then he ended up directing some episodes, but the show wasn't a massive hit, but it allowed me to quit my day job.

• 43:52Speaker 01

  It was on for a long time, wasn't it?

• 43:55Speaker 04

  It was like forty episodes over the span of three, four years. Yeah.

• 43:58Speaker 00

  I mean, Richard Jewell, I, I was with my in-laws somewhere.

• 44:02Speaker 04

  That's an in-law movie.

• 44:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're like, we gotta get out of the house. We're about to kill each other. This is brutal. So we went and saw a movie and we didn't know what the hell the movie was, but we all just said, let's go see this. Flew us all away. You killed it. Great movie.

• 44:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's a good one. That was one of the ones on Letterboxd that I got hell for. I gave it like a three and a half out of five and people were like, the hell?

• 44:24Speaker 00

  What?

• 44:24Speaker 04

  I'm like, sorry. I, I think it's a great movie. I love it.

• 44:28Speaker 01

  So why only three and a half?

• 44:29Speaker 04

  Uh, if, if you're gonna get five out of five stars on Letterboxd, to me that's Shawshank Redemption.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 44:35Speaker 04

  To me that's like Jaws.

• 44:37Speaker 00

  Right. That's a fair.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  Christmas with the Campbells.

• 44:40Speaker 04

  Christmas with the Campbells. Really anything.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  Two girls, one cup, of course.

• 44:44Speaker 04

  In which Justin Long wears a scarf is gonna get fine.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  I saw Wolf of Wall Street with my wife's family.

• 44:51Speaker 00

  That's no good.

• 44:52Speaker 03

  No, no good.

• 44:52Speaker 01

  It's also a long one too.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. You're sitting through a lot of very sexy stuff.

• 44:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 04

  That movie had some redundant elements for me. I find a lot of toxic male dudes are like, my favorite Scorsese movie is Wolf of Wall Street. And I'm just like, cool. Have you seen The King of Comedy? It's exponentially better.

• 45:09Speaker 00

  Have you seen Taxi Driver?

• 45:12Speaker 04

  Oh God, I love Raging Bull. What a cool, crazy movie.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  I love that his rock bottom is comedian.

• 45:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, right.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  That's, that's his act, that's his low point. He's like, I'm telling jokes. I'm like, oh my God.

• 45:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:22Speaker 01

  That's a great movie.

• 45:23Speaker 00

  That's true.

• 45:24Speaker 03

  Well, guys, I know, uh, you know, you, you were hoping I'd stay the full hour, but I, I gotta bounce. So this has been great.

• 45:30Speaker 00

  What? Campbells as a sequel?

• 45:34Speaker 03

  You wish. Uh, thank you.

• 45:36Speaker 04

  Love you, buddy.

• 45:36Speaker 03

  So anyway, just to recap, go see Third Man.

• 45:39Speaker 04

  Yeah. Go see Third Man. It's playing at a second round cinema.

• 45:43Speaker 03

  Well, sticking around, but this was sort of our only chance to catch up. So we decided, yeah.

• 45:50Speaker 00

  Oh, so good to be here, man.

• 45:51Speaker 01

  Nice to meet you, dude.

• 46:08Speaker 04

  Please, uh, tell Pete I said hi tonight, please.

• 46:11Speaker 00

  We're really gonna trash you once you leave. All right.

• 46:15Speaker 04

  Typical white guy.

• 46:17Speaker 01

  He has to go open for Ed Sheeran.

• 46:18Speaker 04

  Wearing shorts. He's far too confident wearing.

• 46:21Speaker 00

  I know, right?

• 46:21Speaker 01

  So, uh, yeah, at first, uh, one, I saw you in I, Tanya, and then a friend of mine told me to watch this show, Blackbird. And I think I watched it in one sitting, dude. It was, uh, you took, you took a fucking risk with that role.

• 46:34Speaker 04

  How's, uh, unpack that? I'm curious.

• 46:36Speaker 01

  I mean, I just thought the way, the voice and the way you approached it, I thought it was like, wow, this could, this could have been like, this could have been bad.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  It's the kind of thing you wanna, you wanna take a big swing.

• 46:46Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 46:46Speaker 04

  Yeah. You wanna make choices when it's that kind of a thing. I think.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  Do you get nervous when you make a choice like that?

• 46:52Speaker 04

  Oh yeah. Sometimes I'll make a choice on a voice. In day three, I'm like, I don't wanna keep doing this. And I'm like, you already did it, you dummy.

• 47:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:02Speaker 04

  Maybe you should have thought about it.

• 47:03Speaker 00

  I know. Brando in, uh, in, uh, Godfather, just, that was his choice to talk like that.

• 47:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:09Speaker 00

  And they're like, okay, you kinda have to let Brando go. And he puts shit in his gums and just went for it. What the hell was he thinking?

• 47:15Speaker 04

  Did you say put shit in your?

• 47:18Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 47:19Speaker 04

  Gums?

• 47:20Speaker 00

  We got a zen here.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 47:22Speaker 04

  A little sash for those not, uh, for those not familiar.

• 47:26Speaker 01

  Is that your vice?

• 47:27Speaker 04

  It's, uh, yeah, it's one of a few still. I would say my bite.

• 47:30Speaker 01

  Do you drink or no?

• 47:31Speaker 04

  No, I'm, I'm, I got five years sober next month, um, from pot and alcohol and stuff, but I still love eating. That's tough. I've lost weight. Pull up a picture of me from like, tw- look up Paul Hauser, Last Comic Standing. There's a photo of me auditioning for Last Comic Standing.

• 47:50Speaker 00

  Wow, you made it that. All right. So you're a TV, you got TV credits over here.

• 47:55Speaker 00

  I mean, that's not nothing.

• 47:56Speaker 04

  See if there's, I think there's a photo of it. Let me put my glasses on.

• 48:00Speaker 00

  Oh, is that you on the left?

• 48:02Speaker 04

  On the left.

• 48:02Speaker 00

  Oh my God. Is this the movie The Weight?

• 48:04Speaker 04

  That's, The Whale. The Whale. This is when I auditioned for The Whale. No prosthetics. I thought I'd save the money.

• 48:12Speaker 00

  That's a funny looking dude though.

• 48:14Speaker 04

  But I, uh, I auditioned, or I was three hundred and thirty pounds there. I'm currently like two thirty.

• 48:20Speaker 00

  Hey, mazel tov.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  How do you, how do you shake it off?

• 48:24Speaker 00

  That's pre Ozempic, baby.

• 48:25Speaker 04

  A lot, really. It really was. Um, I, a lot of it is common sense. Like just stop fucking piles of food. Um, but after that, um, I met Diamond Dallas Page, that wrestler we brought up earlier. And I stayed with him for seven weeks.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  You did the yoga?

• 48:42Speaker 04

  He helped me take, yeah, yoga and healthy eating and intermittent fasting. And he helped me take off forty pounds for Blackbird. So Blackbird, I was two eighty-six when I got the role. I was two forty-six when I shot it.

• 48:53Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 48:55Speaker 04

  So the last fifteen pounds have literally been some zep bound and me.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  So DDP just says people live with him? He just is like, come stay with me and I'll put you on a program?

• 49:04Speaker 04

  He's, uh, solicitous sometimes to a fault, but the cool thing is he's converted so many people.

• 49:09Speaker 00

  That's amazing.

• 49:10Speaker 04

  Saved, literally saved lives. People that doctors and chiropractors are like, you're never gonna walk in.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 49:17Speaker 04

  They're walking and standing.

• 49:19Speaker 00

  Geez, he went the opposite of Hulk Hogan.

• 49:23Speaker 00

  Hulk Hogan's out there saying the N-word and begging ladies and this guy went full of yoga.

• 49:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, he kinda went the other way with it. Um, but.

• 49:36Speaker 04

  Oh, I love this. Yeah, I've seen this.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  Things that's ever happened on, on a movie. Malkovich, the fact that he was even gonna come to do this movie, for months, we're waiting for John Malkovich to get there. I mean, it's a big deal.

• 49:46Speaker 07

  You have my money?

• 49:48Speaker 01

  When he finally shows up, he gets there and we do the first take and John goes, if you don't have my money, then you are mine. And I'm sitting across the table from him like, I'm sorry, what did you just say? And the crew bursts into applause. They're cheering. They're like, wow, amazing, amazing. And I'm looking at him and I guess he sees me looking at him and he leans across the table and I lean in and he looks at me and he goes, I'm a terrible actor.

• 50:19Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  And that's just, that work, cause he's so good, but there's gonna be one actor who's like, I'm gonna do a Chinese voice for this role. And it's really gonna backfire. You know it.

• 50:27Speaker 00

  That'd be hilarious.

• 50:28Speaker 04

  Uh, I worked with Damon, really cool, like he's who you hope he is.

• 50:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  One of those.

• 50:35Speaker 01

  Which one was that?

• 50:36Speaker 04

  Uh, Instigators. It's a apple, it's a crime comedy on Apple.

• 50:40Speaker 00

  What?

• 50:40Speaker 04

  But, um, Damon was dope dude. And I haven't worked with John Malkovich, but we were in the makeup trailer together on Fantastic Four. He ended up getting cut from the whole film.

• 50:50Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 50:51Speaker 04

  Uh, which is insane to me. I don't know how that happens. But, um, but I, I'm dying to work with him again, cause I think he's so good, man.

• 50:59Speaker 00

  He's the man. And he loves movies. You can tell he's obsessed with movies.

• 51:03Speaker 04

  Mice and Men, remember that?

• 51:04Speaker 00

  Oh, geez.

• 51:05Speaker 04

  How good is he in that?

• 51:06Speaker 00

  He's, he's always good.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  I remember that, yeah.

• 51:08Speaker 04

  In The Line of Fire, he's a psycho.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  He's crazy in that one, the air gun?

• 51:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, I really fear him in that movie. He scares me.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  What's the one, Courage Under Fire? What's the one where he lost crazy weight? He got super skinny.

• 51:21Speaker 04

  Oh, that was Damon. Damon lost all the weight for Courage Under Fire.

• 51:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, sorry.

• 51:25Speaker 04

  Forgive me, I was mentioning Malkovich in Mice and Men, in The Line of Fire. But Damon, Damon, yeah, Damon lost a lot of weight.

• 51:32Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:32Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, he's, dude, he's great. I, anytime Talented Mr. Ripley's on, it's like, I, I watch it all the way through.

• 51:38Speaker 04

  Perfect movie, man. It's one of those. Yeah.

• 51:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:42Speaker 01

  So good.

• 51:42Speaker 04

  That's probably a five out of five for me.

• 51:44Speaker 01

  I love it. It also looks awesome. Like just the scenery is so cool. Philip Seymour Hoffman shows up. I think it was, was it Italy? It was those steps. It was the Spanish Steps. It was, yeah, it was Rome, I think. Yeah. And then, um,

• 51:57Speaker 04

  Man, do I love Phil Hoffman.

• 51:58Speaker 00

  Oh, come on.

• 51:59Speaker 04

  Anytime he shows up, Almost Famous, Along Came Polly, Twister, anything, it's like, ah.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  Happiness.

• 52:06Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh, that's heavy.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  I watched that one with my in-laws and, uh, wow.

• 52:12Speaker 04

  I couldn't finish that one. I tried. That one.

• 52:14Speaker 01

  Really?

• 52:15Speaker 04

  When Dylan, is it Dylan Walsh, the character actor is like attracted to his.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  Or Dylan Baker was one of those.

• 52:20Speaker 04

  Dylan Baker, that's it. Dylan Baker. When Dylan Baker says that thing to his son, I'm like, I, I'm out. God bless him. God bless him. They're creative, brilliant, creatively brilliant, but I can't do it.

• 52:30Speaker 00

  And you got three kids, right?

• 52:31Speaker 04

  That was before I had kids.

• 52:33Speaker 00

  Oh, boy.

• 52:34Speaker 01

  It's a dark movie.

• 52:34Speaker 04

  I was like, I can't do it.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  But it's also fucking hilarious.

• 52:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, it's, um, some stuff is admittedly brilliant, but I just like, my palate fails amidst whatever, uh,

• 52:46Speaker 04

  Perversity is being, you know, presented. I had a similar thing with Hereditary.

• 52:51Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 52:52Speaker 04

  I was enjoying it, but by the end of Hereditary, I walked out of the theater with like two minutes to go. I'm like, can't do it.

• 52:58Speaker 00

  Oh, you're right there.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  God bless it, can't do it.

• 53:01Speaker 00

  Damn. That's how I felt with Casey Rocket. I was like, this is brilliant, but I gotta, it's bothering me.

• 53:08Speaker 00

  But you-

• 53:08Speaker 04

  Not your cup of Earl Grey.

• 53:11Speaker 00

  No, he's a funny kid. But we're, we're about the same age and you got to be in Naked Gun, the remake. That's insane. And it was good.

• 53:19Speaker 04

  Thank God. That was, that was a risk.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  Doug and Dan are, are really good writers.

• 53:24Speaker 04

  I just accidentally did a Donald Trump, that was a risk. Wasn't sure if Akiva would pull it off.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  It's good to see a comedy in the theater, too. That was like, it had been a while.

• 53:34Speaker 00

  And it killed it.

• 53:35Speaker 04

  I know. That, Doug and Dan, the writers really, we don't win without them. That, that was crucial, that the pages worked. And then, um, and then the other, the other, you know, the production design team and the props team, like, everybody really pitched in to make those visual jokes work, too.

• 53:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:53Speaker 04

  I love when the, when they're watching the crane machine and the car falls.

• 53:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:58Speaker 04

  So good.

• 53:58Speaker 00

  I loved the most of all the coffees, you know, having a to-go coffee every scene. So good. And man, that, that was, cause I'm a Naked Gun lunatic. And I grew up on it.

• 54:08Speaker 04

  They're wonderful. I used to write Naked Gun fanfiction when I was like 12.

• 54:13Speaker 00

  Oh, man. Yeah, Annie Zucker. I was a Zucker sucker.

• 54:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, Airplane was a big one for us.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  Unreal.

• 54:20Speaker 04

  You had to see boobs and it was funny. So as a young man, you're like, this is the greatest thing.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  That was like, I feel like that was like, maybe new, that athletes were just throwing movies being funny?

• 54:32Speaker 04

  I don't remember it much before that. I think the eighties kind of did that. The seventies, eighties, the longest yard.

• 54:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:38Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 54:39Speaker 04

  And, uh, and, and Airplane. And there were a couple where it was like, suddenly you started seeing athletes stunt casted, which is-

• 54:46Speaker 00

  OJ was Nordberg.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  God damn, he was great in it, too. He really was.

• 54:50Speaker 04

  I told them, we were shooting the OJ joke in the new Naked Gun.

• 54:54Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 54:54Speaker 04

  The kid stopped, trying to talk to his father and he just looks at the camera and goes-

• 54:58Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 54:59Speaker 04

  I told Akiva after we wrapped that scene, I said, if that doesn't make the movie, like, this thing goes under. Because to me, right there, if you're not willing to do the best joke, because you're afraid of offending people, you will ruin this movie.

• 55:14Speaker 00

  I agree. That was in the trailer.

• 55:15Speaker 04

  And it ended up in the trailer. I was like, well played. Well played Paramount. Well played.

• 55:21Speaker 00

  Hell, yeah. It is a little bummer. I mean, it was a great, well-written movie, but it sucks that, I don't know if, uh, do you think an independent comedy would have blown up that much? Cause it, it did good numbers at the box office.

• 55:31Speaker 04

  Did pretty well. I think it was like 104.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  Wow, in today's age of comedy, but that's still wild.

• 55:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, nowadays a rom-com is usually the only type of comedy that can really make great money. Um, you know, the, the Glenn Powell, uh, Sydney Sweeney movie and Anyone But You, I think it's called?

• 55:49Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 55:49Speaker 04

  That did gangbusters.

• 55:51Speaker 00

  Really? Wow, I didn't know that.

• 55:53Speaker 04

  Serious money.

• 55:54Speaker 00

  You couldn't pay me to watch that. I see that covered. I'm like, I'm good.

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not for us.

• 55:59Speaker 00

  It's not for us.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  What's, is there anything you were in that you were like, this is gonna be huge and it just?

• 56:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's a bunch of stuff.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  What's one that you thought was gonna be a big one?

• 56:07Speaker 04

  Well, my first movie had Ed Harris and Jennifer Connelly, uh, now Oscar winner Amy Madigan from Weapons.

• 56:14Speaker 01

  Whoa, she killed it.

• 56:15Speaker 04

  We had killers on this first movie I did and it just ended up with, uh, look up the Rotten Tomato Meter for, uh, Virginia, it's called.

• 56:24Speaker 00

  Mmm.

• 56:24Speaker 04

  Starring Jennifer Connelly.

• 56:26Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 56:27Speaker 04

  I had a great time in the movie. It was like, I was so spoiled, working with like genius actors on my first thing. They're letting me improvise. I'm in my home state of Michigan, like, way overly idealistic. But then we went to TIFF, the Toronto Film Festival, and we got eaten alive by the critics.

• 56:43Speaker 00

  Day 11, whoa.

• 56:45Speaker 01

  That's tough.

• 56:46Speaker 00

  That's worse than the Campbells.

• 56:51Speaker 04

  That was, that was hard, man. That was difficult. Um, and then like, there are some movies that I truly, I'm passionate about. Americana, which I did with Simon Rex.

• 57:01Speaker 00

  Oh, we love Simon Rex.

• 57:02Speaker 04

  The late Eric Dane, Sydney Sweeney.

• 57:04Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 57:05Speaker 04

  Um, another one is, uh, Deliver Me From Nowhere, the Bruce Springsteen movie I did with Scott Cooper.

• 57:10Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 57:11Speaker 04

  I think those are brilliant movies. I love those movies and I'm crazy proud of them, but they just didn't hit.

• 57:17Speaker 01

  Do you think it didn't hit the Springsteen one? Cause it came out right after the Bob Dylan one?

• 57:23Speaker 04

  I think it had less to do with that and more the tonality, the fact that it wasn't like, if it were a movie where it's like, his bandmates put a cherry bomb in the toilet on the bus, like, I think if we had more fun, it might've done better. But it was really about a personal journey Bruce factually went through.

• 57:40Speaker 00

  The Depression.

• 57:41Speaker 04

  Right before, yeah, right before, um, he ended up making arguably, I think it's his biggest album. It has to be, right? Born in the USA?

• 57:49Speaker 00

  I guess, yeah. It's gotta be. Born to Run. But yeah, that, I, I enjoyed it, but I like Bruce. But yeah, it was a slow, sad movie. But it was good. I mean, what's the guy? The, the kid, the, the main guy?

• 58:02Speaker 04

  Jeremy.

• 58:03Speaker 00

  Jeremy Allen White. He was great in it. He's always good. And he's a five foot seven guy, which I like.

• 58:11Speaker 04

  Props to all the less than six foot actors in Hollywood.

• 58:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:15Speaker 04

  I see you, I am you.

• 58:16Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 58:17Speaker 04

  I think I'm 5'8".

• 58:18Speaker 01

  I feel like most actors are short, right?

• 58:20Speaker 00

  Tom Cruise, Al Pacino's 5'6", 5'7".

• 58:22Speaker 01

  Dustin Hoffman's tiny.

• 58:23Speaker 04

  Radcliffe is 5'5" or 5'6"?

• 58:25Speaker 01

  No way. He hides it well.

• 58:28Speaker 04

  He's a fucking little guy. He's a tiny one, uh, Radcliffe.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  That was not even worth the lift.

• 58:40Speaker 00

  That was bad. Bad lift. Sorry.

• 58:43Speaker 04

  That was kinda like one of those movies I was talking about. You get really amped up and then nothing.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  Thought it was gonna take off and then-

• 58:49Speaker 00

  That was my Virginia.

• 58:53Speaker 04

  I, I would say, I was in a group text at one point with a bunch of cool guys and it kinda fizzled out, but it was like, Sam Rockwell has a, a habit of like, if he's buddies with you, he'll just introduce you to all his friends.

• 59:06Speaker 00

  Oh, cool.

• 59:07Speaker 04

  And I was in a group text with him. It was like Rockwell, Justin Long, Vince Vaughn, Bill Burr and Peter Billingsley.

• 59:14Speaker 00

  Jesus.

• 59:15Speaker 04

  It was like, it was, it was the most fun group text and I was like so giddy when they'd like, we'd, we'd be like ping ponging jokes back and forth. And then it just, I think it fizzled out during COVID or something.

• 59:26Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 59:32Speaker 04

  No, no side texts from that. Um, my, but currently, I'm trying to think like, um, if I was in a, you said, oh, I know. I went to the SNL 50 year anniversary concert at, uh-

• 59:46Speaker 00

  30 Rock?

• 59:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, but what is the big like Radio City Music Hall?

• 59:50Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:51Speaker 04

  I went to that with my wife like a year ago or more and, uh, that was crazy.

• 59:58Speaker 00

  Who was on that?

• 59:59Speaker 04

  It was nuts.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  Did you ever audition for SNL?

• 1:00:01Speaker 04

  Never, no. I'm attached to play Farley in a movie that's Frozen or Brothers.

• 1:00:07Speaker 00

  I mean, that's insane.

• 1:00:08Speaker 04

  But, uh-

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  Were you a huge Farley guy?

• 1:00:10Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, still am. I still think like, nobody touches Farley to me.

• 1:00:14Speaker 00

  No, physical comedy.

• 1:00:15Speaker 04

  Very, if, if I had like my Mount Rushmore of SNL, it would probably be Farley and Farrell at the top.

• 1:00:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:24Speaker 04

  And then the other two would likely be, um, probably Kristen Wiig and maybe Bill Hauser.

• 1:00:32Speaker 00

  Wow, that's a good group.

• 1:00:34Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:00:35Speaker 00

  I like Jan Hooks.

• 1:00:37Speaker 04

  Jan Hooks was great.

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  Dana Carvey, dude. Phil Hartman.

• 1:00:41Speaker 04

  Dana, Phil.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  Eddie Murphy.

• 1:00:43Speaker 04

  Tracy Morgan doesn't get enough credit. Tracy was just hysterical.

• 1:00:46Speaker 00

  Sure, he's always funny.

• 1:00:47Speaker 04

  Love Parnell and Armisen. I'm a big, I'm a big Fred Armisen, Chris Parnell guy.

• 1:00:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:53Speaker 01

  That, I, I heard that, uh, Chris Farley before he died, I don't know if that's true, but was supposed to play Fatty Arbuckle in a movie?

• 1:00:59Speaker 00

  I heard that.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  I mean, that's-

• 1:01:00Speaker 04

  David Mamet wrote the script in 97. Farley died, died shortly after and then Mamet had lunch with me in Santa Monica, uh, in 2017 after Itonia came out, or 2018.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  And, and did he say like, I could do this?

• 1:01:14Speaker 04

  He offered it to me.

• 1:01:15Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 1:01:16Speaker 04

  It was called Will Be Good. That was like the name that Arbuckle went under after he got canceled, but-

• 1:01:22Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:01:23Speaker 04

  Um, at the end of the meeting, it was like, Mamet was like, so, do you know anybody who has money? And I'm like, no.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  It's a great story, though.

• 1:01:32Speaker 04

  I think I could shoot it for 10 to 15 mil. And I'm like, I don't know how we're gonna get it made because Mamet was like Hollywood canceled. Um, Arbuckle's story is about a guy who got canceled for something that wasn't fully proven.

• 1:01:43Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:01:44Speaker 04

  And then, uh, I'm me, I'm like a character. I'm a budding character actor. I can't like get us a ton of money, so.

• 1:01:50Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 1:01:51Speaker 04

  Didn't happen.

• 1:01:51Speaker 00

  So would you put the weight back on if this was greenlit?

• 1:01:54Speaker 04

  Would not put the weight back on per se. I guess I would put weight on, but it would be, I would get a dietitian and a trainer to get me in Farley weight. Because the thing about Farley that people don't realize is he was an athlete.

• 1:02:07Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:02:08Speaker 04

  Football and, uh, he could run like a mofo for a big guy and rugby. So like, it would be meat and potatoes lineman weight, not like fat ass, give me the bread basket weight.

• 1:02:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's like girth and mass.

• 1:02:20Speaker 04

  Which is what I'm used to. Cheddar Bay biscuits, red lobster. Let's all take our pants off.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  That Arbuckle thing though, if it was like, goddamn Mamet, that would have been fucking great.

• 1:02:30Speaker 04

  I know. I still keep in touch with Mamet. He's, he's a cool guy and, uh, and he's still doing stuff to this day. I'd love to do something with him. Are you? He's really into Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

• 1:02:42Speaker 00

  Really?

• 1:02:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's been doing it for like decades.

• 1:02:45Speaker 00

  Damn, imagine that guy whispering in your ear?

• 1:02:46Speaker 04

  He's just an interesting guy. Um, there were a couple of things I passed on too that I got offered. I got offered Sam Kinison.

• 1:02:52Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 1:02:53Speaker 04

  I got offered Rob Ford.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Now we're back, we're back.

• 1:02:56Speaker 04

  There it is. Hey, can guys just be guys?

• 1:03:01Speaker 01

  That's a Blackbird level fart. That was a good fart.

• 1:03:03Speaker 00

  Thank you, thank you.

• 1:03:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know if it's getting the Oscar, but you're at the Globes.

• 1:03:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was nice, dude.

• 1:03:08Speaker 00

  Check that out on Boy Talk, his podcast.

• 1:03:11Speaker 04

  Oh my god, this podcast is insane. I hope people actually watch it. It's um, we're trying to satirize toxic masculinity and I play the aggressor, the high status psycho guy and Julian Sergi, my co-host, plays uh, like the low status sort of like Arrested Development guy.

• 1:03:30Speaker 00

  Ah, okay.

• 1:03:32Speaker 04

  And um, we interviewed Blake Griffin, Teddy Swims, Rob Roush from Traders, Becky Lynch from WWE.

• 1:03:38Speaker 00

  I love Becky Lynch.

• 1:03:39Speaker 04

  We had a crazy roster of really cool people.

• 1:03:42Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 1:03:42Speaker 04

  But that's out right now on YouTube and then uh, Instagram, we're throwing up on social all the uh, clips and it's just, dude, it's really fun and irreverent and like, I think a little bit different than what's out there. Cause like, a lot of people are really funny, but they're usually playing themselves. We're playing like fake versions of ourselves.

• 1:04:00Speaker 00

  Sure, it's that Andrew Tate kinda ripoff or spoof?

• 1:04:04Speaker 04

  We're goofing on Andrew Tate, Patrick Bet-David, uh, just certain guys who probably aren't fully aware how wayward they are.

• 1:04:13Speaker 01

  And tell you to level up.

• 1:04:15Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  But they might be trafficking people.

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  It's a weird yin and yang.

• 1:04:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:20Speaker 04

  That's what I'm saying. Hey, we're just trying to, I'm an entrepreneur. Also, I might have broken seven laws last year. Uh, none of, none of which are about my taxes. So um, no, I, I think masculinity's in a weird place. Like I use the word toxic, I add that adjective because anything can be toxic, dude. People get so riled up if you say toxic masculinity. It's like, dude, masculinity and femininity are fine.

• 1:04:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:43Speaker 04

  But anything can be toxic. Christians can be toxic.

• 1:04:46Speaker 00

  Sure.

• 1:04:47Speaker 04

  Buddhists could be toxic. Like, it's not one group of people. It's just when you become extreme and unreasonable and fucking weird, I call, I call you toxic, yeah.

• 1:05:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, that's, that's fair. People can be assholes. Some people are assholes, no matter what group.

• 1:05:05Speaker 01

  I wanna hear the other shit you passed on, because you said Kinison.

• 1:05:08Speaker 00

  Oh yeah.

• 1:05:08Speaker 01

  I wanna hear what else you turned down.

• 1:05:10Speaker 04

  I turned down Rob Ford, the mayor who spilled crack in Toronto.

• 1:05:14Speaker 00

  The Canadian Hunter Biden.

• 1:05:15Speaker 04

  The writing was good, the director was good. It wasn't like anything wasn't good. It was just like, how many real life, like dead fat dudes am I gonna play? Like I-

• 1:05:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, good point.

• 1:05:24Speaker 04

  I've already done quite a few and I feel like I gotta differentiate. That was part of the weight loss too, is like, I'd love to get down to 215 or 200 and just see, cause like when Seth Rogen lost weight, it seemed like he started to do different stuff and he's at a way bigger level than me of fame and success and stuff, but I just think there's probably more out, out there for me if I lost weight.

• 1:05:48Speaker 00

  Right. You don't wanna be type two Cass.

• 1:05:51Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 1:05:52Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 1:05:52Speaker 04

  I liked it.

• 1:05:53Speaker 00

  All right.

• 1:05:53Speaker 04

  I liked it.

• 1:05:54Speaker 00

  I was depending on saying diabetes, but like you got it.

• 1:05:57Speaker 04

  Diabetes. Uh, I don't have it.

• 1:06:00Speaker 00

  No, you don't, you don't have it.

• 1:06:02Speaker 04

  How dare you infer that? Um, no, yeah, I um, my dad's got diabetes. I've always been afraid of it.

• 1:06:08Speaker 00

  Oh shit.

• 1:06:08Speaker 04

  It's coming for me. Resident Evil, we're giving love to Resident Evil here.

• 1:06:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, you better believe it.

• 1:06:12Speaker 04

  Sorry, I'm like following the prompter here on the screen.

• 1:06:15Speaker 00

  Well, we wanna give you a plug here.

• 1:06:16Speaker 04

  I appreciate it.

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, how do you feel about this one?

• 1:06:19Speaker 04

  I never played the games or saw the Milla Jovovich films that preceded it, but-

• 1:06:23Speaker 00

  They're fun.

• 1:06:23Speaker 04

  When I heard Craig, uh, Zach Craig was directing and writing and when I heard Austin Abrams, who I saw in Weapons, the Craig movie before this, when I heard he was doing it, I was like, dude, like, maybe this movie doesn't do well, but if it's gonna do well, it would be in the hands of those types of people.

• 1:06:41Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 1:06:45Speaker 00

  They must.

• 1:06:46Speaker 04

  I don't know if they adapted it or shot it initially. I, I don't know those specs, but um, but yeah, I saw it Tuesday night, a couple of days ago and uh, dude, it's awesome.

• 1:06:55Speaker 00

  Hell yeah.

• 1:06:56Speaker 04

  There's so many like physical gags and funny moments. It literally plays like, it's almost like Home Alone meets like freaking 28 Days Later.

• 1:07:05Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 1:07:06Speaker 01

  That's a weird combo, right there?

• 1:07:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, zombies getting hit with pink cans.

• 1:07:09Speaker 04

  Such a good movie. I think it is. We'll see what, I mean, the critics do too. What do we add on Rotten Tomatoes?

• 1:07:14Speaker 00

  Oh god, this is scary.

• 1:07:15Speaker 04

  Go back to the tomato meter.

• 1:07:16Speaker 00

  This is nerve wracking here.

• 1:07:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, how nerve wracking is this tomato meter every time you make a movie?

• 1:07:20Speaker 04

  It's tomatoes, it can be very acidic.

• 1:07:24Speaker 00

  Whoa, 96!

• 1:07:25Speaker 04

  Maybe, let's see. That was an infographic.

• 1:07:29Speaker 00

  96!

• 1:07:30Speaker 04

  96%.

• 1:07:31Speaker 00

  Wow!

• 1:07:31Speaker 04

  Not to a shabby.

• 1:07:36Speaker 00

  Gregor, please.

• 1:07:37Speaker 04

  Uh, barbarian, weapons, whitest kids you know?

• 1:07:40Speaker 00

  Come on!

• 1:07:42Speaker 01

  Cool.

• 1:07:42Speaker 00

  Uh, I gotta ask, what's harder, stand-up or acting?

• 1:07:47Speaker 04

  Stand-up on it.

• 1:07:48Speaker 00

  Yeah! I just need to get that in writing.

• 1:07:51Speaker 01

  You got his clip.

• 1:07:52Speaker 04

  No, I, I literally, and I have the utmost respect for stand-up comics. I pitch them for movie roles all the time. I uh, DM with them on IG, even if I haven't met them and I'm just a mega fan, I'll comment and then talk to them and, and I just um, yeah, I'm enamored with that world and I still secretly like, want to not get back into it classically, but like I would love to, the way Bill Murray made a Christmas special on Netflix, I would love to do like, a silly taped special with some live elements. I think that'd be awesome.

• 1:08:23Speaker 00

  Hell yeah, I love that. Oh shit, alright, I guess you gotta go.

• 1:08:26Speaker 04

  We got, we got five more minutes.

• 1:08:26Speaker 00

  You got five minutes, he's killing it!

• 1:08:28Speaker 04

  We're good.

• 1:08:29Speaker 00

  Alright, yeah, we, we wrote a movie. We're getting, we're shooting, hopefully this year, yeah.

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  Hopefully soon, yeah.

• 1:08:33Speaker 04

  What's it about? Can you un-reveal the log line?

• 1:08:36Speaker 01

  The log line's basically just two failing liquor salesmen and we just keep digging a deeper hole for ourselves, but it's, we have our own whiskey, Bodega Cat, and it's about-

• 1:08:43Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 1:08:44Speaker 01

  Two guys who are liquor salesmen, so.

• 1:08:46Speaker 04

  When I did drink, my go-to was uh, whiskey, mostly Scotch, but I, but I, you know, to this, to this day, there's just something like romantic about whiskey, isn't there?

• 1:08:56Speaker 00

  Totally.

• 1:08:56Speaker 01

  It's one of the old movies.

• 1:08:58Speaker 00

  On the rocks, maybe a little soda?

• 1:09:00Speaker 01

  Occasionally in Manhattan, I'll do a little sweet vermouth in there, but-

• 1:09:03Speaker 04

  Manhattan's great. I was an old fashioned guy, but I often drank Scotch with like one sexy, like big ice cube.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  I love that, dude. In the winter, dude, fuck.

• 1:09:13Speaker 04

  With a cigar.

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  It hits, I know.

• 1:09:15Speaker 04

  It hits. Well, I'm excited for you guys. Do you know the title yet?

• 1:09:19Speaker 01

  Right now, it's We Might Be Dying.

• 1:09:20Speaker 04

  Liquor, I hardly know her!

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  But we've, we lost our director. We were gonna film it in October. It was all set to be, we got the funding and uh-

• 1:09:28Speaker 04

  It's often a blessing in disguise. I mean, something's waiting in the wings.

• 1:09:31Speaker 01

  We, we got a guy we really like and uh-

• 1:09:33Speaker 00

  And you've heard of.

• 1:09:34Speaker 01

  We'll bleep his, we'll bleep his name. I think we got-

• 1:09:39Speaker 04

  I've worked with him. Yeah.

• 1:09:42Speaker 00

  I love the air.

• 1:09:42Speaker 01

  So we're hoping that deal closes, but we'll see.

• 1:09:45Speaker 04

  Can't believe you got Oliver Stone. Doesn't seem like his vibe. Um-

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  It's a long, it's a three and a half hour courtroom drama about us drinking, yeah.

• 1:09:55Speaker 04

  Are you familiar with Brown versus Board of Education? Um, that's, dude, that's tremendous. I know Theo Von and David Spade made a movie. I haven't seen it yet. I think it's on Hulu now, but I wanna, I wanna watch it just cause I, that whole DIY filmmaking, it's really inspiring, man.

• 1:10:11Speaker 00

  Hell yeah.

• 1:10:12Speaker 04

  I like when people do that.

• 1:10:13Speaker 00

  I mean, yeah, I mean, they used to be around. It's like Tarantino started that way, or, or Robert Rodriguez, or My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

• 1:10:21Speaker 04

  Coen Brothers, I think.

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  Dude, blood simple.

• 1:10:23Speaker 04

  Coen Brothers and Sam Raimi both got their start in the early to mid eighties and it was like, back then, they were taking money from local dentists and doctors and family members.

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  It's cool to watch even like, something like Mean Streets and you're like, oh, Scorsese wasn't Scorsese yet, but you see-

• 1:10:38Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  You see that, like those certain scenes, like that one, that long shot of, of the bar and the Stones are playing and you're like, holy shit, this is so, the red lights, it looks so cool.

• 1:10:50Speaker 04

  Can I give even a slight piece of advice in here, Denver?

• 1:10:55Speaker 04

  Make sure everybody's making the same movie, cause of the comedy tonality, like you both mentioned I, Tanya, I think, like, that's a movie where the tonality, the tone of the movie is so succinct-

• 1:11:05Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 1:11:06Speaker 04

  That it ends up just singing better when it, when it's watched. And I think like, just make sure, department heads, actors, that everybody's playing by your playbook.

• 1:11:17Speaker 00

  That's a great note.

• 1:11:17Speaker 01

  We're going for Twin Peaks, right? Yeah, yeah, no, you're right. I think that's-

• 1:11:21Speaker 00

  The restaurant? Okay.

• 1:11:23Speaker 01

  No, we gotta, we gotta definitely do that, but I, I think the script is fun, man. I think it's-

• 1:11:27Speaker 04

  You guys are playing the two guys?

• 1:11:28Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:30Speaker 04

  That's exciting. Have you got, forgive me for not knowing, but have you guys acted before in TV films?

• 1:11:34Speaker 01

  Not really, little bit.

• 1:11:35Speaker 04

  Just little tiny things?

• 1:11:36Speaker 00

  Not a great actor, failed every audition I ever had.

• 1:11:39Speaker 01

  He's better than he thinks he is. He's done reads and he's-

• 1:11:40Speaker 04

  But like you could say that about, Norm MacDonald might have said that about himself, but Dirty Work's one of my favorite movies of all time.

• 1:11:46Speaker 01

  And we're playing basically ourselves.

• 1:11:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:11:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, it's safe. I have a theory. Everybody can act. We just don't know to what level of uh, versatility.

• 1:11:54Speaker 00

  Right.

• 1:11:55Speaker 04

  But like, everybody can nail one or two characters, like really well, depending who they are.

• 1:12:00Speaker 00

  G7.

• 1:12:01Speaker 04

  If you like pina coladas, hell, why do you get a pool cue?

• 1:12:07Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:12:08Speaker 00

  There's the Saigon whore that bit my nose off.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  Bit my nose off. Oh, that movie's insane.

• 1:12:14Speaker 00

  It was great.

• 1:12:15Speaker 04

  That cast, John Goodman, Don Rickles, Chevy Chase.

• 1:12:18Speaker 01

  John Goodman's in it?

• 1:12:19Speaker 04

  Artie Lange.

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  Who's John Goodman in Dirty Work?

• 1:12:21Speaker 00

  Chevy Chase is in it.

• 1:12:21Speaker 04

  John Goodman has a cameo, he opens up the opera for Christopher McDonald.

• 1:12:26Speaker 01

  No shit, I don't remember that.

• 1:12:27Speaker 00

  I don't remember that either.

• 1:12:28Speaker 01

  Artie Lange, dude?

• 1:12:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:29Speaker 04

  Did you see Artie Lange on Crashing, the Pete Holmes show?

• 1:12:32Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:12:33Speaker 04

  Artie deserved a trophy for that.

• 1:12:35Speaker 00

  Amazing.

• 1:12:36Speaker 04

  I thought he was incredible.

• 1:12:37Speaker 01

  We love Artie, dude.

• 1:12:38Speaker 04

  I get that he's playing himself, but still, it's like...

• 1:12:40Speaker 01

  Well, it's like Stan Hope on Louis. It's like, he still nailed it, you know?

• 1:12:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:12:44Speaker 00

  Right, right.

• 1:12:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's fun to see. I like when that happens.

• 1:12:48Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:12:49Speaker 02

  So, a little by the way, Mark had hair transplant surgery two weeks ago.

• 1:12:54Speaker 04

  Congrats.

• 1:12:55Speaker 00

  That's why it's so short here.

• 1:12:56Speaker 04

  But it looks good. I didn't, I literally didn't think twice when looking at it, so that's good.

• 1:13:00Speaker 00

  Thanks for bringing it up.

• 1:13:01Speaker 04

  I, um, I desperately want to get hair transplant surgery at some point.

• 1:13:05Speaker 00

  All right, I can give you a guy. He's in New York if you want. No, no pressure.

• 1:13:09Speaker 04

  Don't have to go to Turkey?

• 1:13:10Speaker 00

  No, no Turkey. Up by the Guggenheim.

• 1:13:12Speaker 04

  I got my teeth fixed. I got the veneers. Now I gotta get the hair and lose the weight.

• 1:13:17Speaker 01

  You lost a lot of weight, dude.

• 1:13:19Speaker 04

  And stop kidnapping people.

• 1:13:20Speaker 01

  Damn, that's...

• 1:13:21Speaker 04

  I gotta stop, I don't know what...

• 1:13:22Speaker 01

  There's no Zempic for that.

• 1:13:23Speaker 04

  I don't kidnap kids. I know it's called kidnapping. Adult-napping, I guess. I, yeah, I just...

• 1:13:28Speaker 01

  It's not as bad.

• 1:13:29Speaker 04

  I need to quit doing it.

• 1:13:33Speaker 04

  It's not good for the soul.

• 1:13:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:35Speaker 04

  But yeah, check out Resident Evil and Boy Talk and, um... I got a little voiceover gig on the new season of President Curtis on HBO Max. That'll come out next year, I believe.

• 1:13:45Speaker 00

  All right.

• 1:13:46Speaker 04

  Um, and...

• 1:13:47Speaker 00

  Have you made it? Like, in acting? Can you, can it all go away? You know, or like you said?

• 1:13:52Speaker 04

  Of course it can all go away.

• 1:13:53Speaker 01

  But he's made it.

• 1:13:54Speaker 00

  You've made it.

• 1:13:55Speaker 01

  He's won an Emmy, dude.

• 1:13:56Speaker 00

  An Emmy? I mean, come on.

• 1:13:58Speaker 04

  I, I've made it in the sense that, like, I can work forever and life is awesome, but selfishly, I'll always be chasing...

• 1:14:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:06Speaker 04

  An Oscar. I'll always be chasing directing my own movie. I'll always be chasing selling a script. And, um, and I want to level up, whatever that looks like. Health, intellect, um... Fame would be nice, not because I need to get into a restaurant for, you know, quicker. It's more like fame allows you to do other things. Whether it's working with a nonprofit and helping them, or whether it's making more money, or whether it's getting a better script, you know?

• 1:14:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, or an island with teenagers.

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:34Speaker 00

  Who knows? Where does it end?

• 1:14:36Speaker 04

  Listen, I just wore the...

• 1:14:37Speaker 01

  That's money. That's just fame. That's money.

• 1:14:37Speaker 04

  I just wore the Zorro Ranch pin at the Resident Evil premiere. You can look it up. I wore the coordinates to Zorro Ranch on a pin.

• 1:14:46Speaker 00

  Well, you're a hell of an actor, man. I mean, I really made it, so you're, you're...

• 1:14:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, happy to see your success, man. I remember after seeing you and I, Tanya, I was like, man, I hope that guy, like, has a great career, because...

• 1:14:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:14:55Speaker 01

  That was, yeah, very cool.

• 1:14:57Speaker 00

  And Nick and Gun, and Jewel. I mean, it's all killer.

• 1:15:00Speaker 04

  And I'm John Aragostic. I'm trying to do stuff. So, like, YouTube satire talk show and horror film and voiceover on President Curtis and, like, I'm just kinda... Whatever I'm a fan of, which is everything.

• 1:15:12Speaker 00

  That's when you really made it. You can do what you want to do. You can, you can pick your roles and pick your gigs.

• 1:15:17Speaker 01

  Totally. Well, it was, great to meet you, though, dude.

• 1:15:19Speaker 04

  This was really fun.

• 1:15:20Speaker 00

  Thanks, Paul.

• 1:15:21Speaker 01

  Get back on it, yeah.

• 1:15:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, give me relapsing at the tail end of this. I just, I wanted, honey, I wanted clicks. I wanted...

• 1:15:30Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm in, uh, I'm, well, yeah, I'm in Los Angeles. Just one night at the Hollywood Improv. Just added it, because I'm gonna be there next week doing some promo stuff for my special on Netflix, which comes out September 29th. I hope you guys all watch it. Uh, it's called Incorrect. Then I'll be in, uh, American Comedy Co. We added a show there. Maybe, maybe we'll add another one, September 24th through 26th. We got, uh, Phoenix, Arizona, November 13th through 15th. The following weekend, we're in, uh, the Pittsburgh Improv. And then, uh, December, let's just go to December. We got, uh, Hilarious in Cleveland, December 3rd through 5th. Madison, Wisconsin, uh, December 10th through 12th. And Timonia, Maryland, December 17th through 19th. Then we got, like, Miami, West Palm, all that kind of shit. Uh, yeah, we, that's plenty far ahead. You got Jacksonville.

• 1:16:14Speaker 00

  Wait, you doing Calgary?

• 1:16:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm doing Calgary.

• 1:16:16Speaker 00

  Oh, they're excited for you. I was just there. They're pumped.

• 1:16:18Speaker 01

  Calgary, yeah. I'm doing all over. So, yeah, you'll, you'll see me. Samorrell.com slash, uh, or just, yeah, just go to Punch Up. Punchup.live slash Samorrell. Punchup.live slash Mark Norman. Mark, where are you gonna be?

• 1:16:29Speaker 00

  Hey, hey, Minneapolis. We added a show. So, working on this new hour, folks. It's coming together. Come see that porn bit. And then I'm at the Comedy Works in Denver, one of the great clubs. Madison, one of the all-time, these are top five clubs here.

• 1:16:42Speaker 01

  Classic.

• 1:16:43Speaker 00

  Uh, Portland Helium, that's a fun room as well. Uh, San Jose, boy, that needs help. Please, come on out, uh, you crazy kids. Big room. Tough Town, Crypto, whatever, Asians, Mexicans, we'd love to have you. Uh, Cap City...

• 1:16:59Speaker 01

  That'll do it.

• 1:17:00Speaker 00

  San Jose Improv, sorry. Uh, I would go out as far as to say Mexicans, the best comedy crowd.

• 1:17:05Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:17:05Speaker 00

  I think Mexicans are, I go to San Antonio.

• 1:17:08Speaker 01

  They are great there.

• 1:17:09Speaker 00

  I crush with these, these guys. Uh, come on out. Uh, Atlantic City at the Tropicana, Cap City Comedy Club, Comedy Zone in Charlotte. And around off the year, Foxwoods. Come on out. And then, uh, then we're off in 2027. Uh, the Mothership and Verona, the Event Center, New York's Turning Stone Casino, and then back in Pittsburgh.

• 1:17:35Speaker 01

  And, yeah, punchup.live slash Mark Norman, uh, punchup.live slash Samorrell. Get Bodega Cat Whiskey. We're making moves. We're getting, we're popping up in more and more clubs. Shout out to the team.

• 1:17:44Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:17:45Speaker 01

  Uh, everyone out there crushing for Bodega Cat.

• 1:17:47Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:17:48Speaker 01

  Uh, message Bodega Cat Whiskey on Instagram if you want.

• 1:17:51Speaker 00

  And we're in Chicago now. We're in Illinois, so...

• 1:17:54Speaker 01

  So hit us up about that.

• 1:17:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:56Speaker 01

  California.

• 1:17:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, California, Texas, Florida, Louisiana, you name it.

• 1:18:00Speaker 01

  Love it.

• 1:18:01Speaker 00

  New York.

• 1:18:02Speaker 01

  You guys are the best. We'll see you next week.

• 1:18:03Speaker 00

  Thank you, guest.