Sam Morril & Mark Normand

No guest this week, just classic Mark and Sam. The guys catch up on Mark’s baby news, getting older, relationships, drinking, politics, gay bars, and the strange places their minds go when there’s nobody else in the room. They get into life on the road, questionable social etiquette, the differences between the right and left, and plenty of stories, tangents, and riffs along the way. It’s a good old-fashioned solo episode with Mark and Sam doing what they do best. Sponsored by: Take an additional $50 off Litter-Robot bundles with code WMBD https://www.whisker.com/WMBD Get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care with Hims https://www.hims.com/drunk Subscribe to We Might Be Drunk: https://bit.ly/SubscribeToWMBD Merch: https://wemightbedrunkpod.com/ Clips Channel: https://bit.ly/WMBDClips Sam Morril: https://punchup.live/sammorril/tickets Mark Normand: https://punchup.live/marknormand/tickets Produced by Gotham Production Studios: https://www.gothamproductionstudios.com @GothamProductionStudios | Producer: https://www.instagram.com/mrmatthewpeters #WeMightBeDrunk #MarkNormand #SamMorril #LitterRobot #Hims #ComedyPodcast #StandUpComedy #BodegaCatWhiskey0:00 Podcast drama and changing language 10:53 Comedy comparisons and bombing in Greece 20:02 Tampa shows, dolphins, and missing watch 31:18 Mark's college panic attack and open-mic start 35:14 Sponsor messages 37:56 Chris Fontana's Popeyes joke and comedy mentors 42:59 Weed anxiety, LeBron rumors, and internet comedy 52:30 Working on new stand-up material 1:08:46 More joke workshop: kids, money, and abortion 1:22:51 Tour dates, Bodega Cat plans, and baby news Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:06Sam Morril?

  Well, uh, yeah, here we are. We might be drunk.

• 0:08Mark Normand?

  Hey, whoa, we're here. This is it, baby. We're back. Another solo. Is there a solo? Is this two solos in a row?

• 0:14Sam Morril?

  No, we broke it up.

• 0:15Mark Normand?

  Okay, good. Just checking.

• 0:16Speaker 02

  The internet's going crazy about the Bobby Lee episode.

• 0:19Sam Morril?

  Oh. Did we tease it?

• 0:21Speaker 02

  No, you mentioned it when you shot it in LA, whenever.

• 0:25Mark Normand?

  That's a good point.

• 0:26Speaker 02

  And people are like, "Did this get buried? Why did it get canceled?" There's like crazy internet theories.

• 0:29Sam Morril?

  No, it's coming out, but Bobby wanted it closer to the special release.

• 0:32Mark Normand?

  No, we held it 'cause Sam and Bobby fought the whole time. Get that kicked up. All these dweebs out there on Reddit, they love a story and they love drama and they love when they have the inside scoop on something.

• 0:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but, well, just like this fucking special of Bobby's, this episode may never come out.

• 0:50Mark Normand?

  And just like Tony Hitchcliff, it might not come out. So who the hell knows? But, well, it's gonna come out when it comes out. Don't you worry.

• 0:58Speaker 02

  And fucking Peter's here, labeled the last episode, "One More Drink."

• 1:02Mark Normand?

  Oh.

• 1:02Sam Morril?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:03Speaker 02

  Sounds like the end. As like a callback to our old show.

• 1:07Mark Normand?

  Bo Nigga Cat.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  And the internet's like, "Last episode, what are they doing?"

• 1:10Mark Normand?

  Uh.

• 1:11Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 1:12Mark Normand?

  Uh, well, it helped the numbers. It's doing well, so...

• 1:16Sam Morril?

  Get it?

• 1:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, all these fucking, some twink queef bitch made a post, "Mark Norman Goes Off" on Segura. It says "Goes Off," so I was like, "Oh, God," about the divorce, but I like Segura. I like Christina. So I had to watch it, you know, through one finger like that. And it's me mentioning, "Hey, did you hear they got a divorce?" And Liz is like, "Oh, that's crazy." Uh, and I goes like, "Oh, yeah, this happens when you get divorced. What happened when Mulaney got divorced?" And Liz goes, "One time I opened for Mulaney," and that's the whole thing. That was the whole thing. I watched it. But they get you on the headline. That's how they get you, the, what do you, the slug line.

• 1:51Sam Morril?

  Everything's bait now.

• 1:52Mark Normand?

  Everything's bait. It's all bait.

• 1:54Sam Morril?

  We're all fish.

• 1:55Mark Normand?

  Yes, we're guppies.

• 1:56Sam Morril?

  We're getting called, like, "That's it?"

• 1:57Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:58Sam Morril?

  It's a bummer. What are you gonna do?

• 1:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:01Sam Morril?

  Anyway, you hear about Segura? Let's get those numbers back up.

• 2:05Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 2:05Sam Morril?

  Heard Tom got divorced.

• 2:06Mark Normand?

  I know. I can't wait to meet the, see the first lady he's plowing. That'll be exciting.

• 2:11Speaker 02

  Now you're really getting into something.

• 2:12Sam Morril?

  Now this is gonna be a problem.

• 2:14Mark Normand?

  Well, I'm just saying, he's allowed, he's divorced, he's single.

• 2:16Sam Morril?

  The next one's, "Mark Norman Will Not Stop Going Off." This is crazy.

• 2:20Mark Normand?

  Are they doing the pod still?

• 2:22Sam Morril?

  I think so.

• 2:23Mark Normand?

  I think it's very amicable, so good for them. They're both great people, they're both funny. Yeah, hopefully they're, you know, they got nice kids. Give that a go, see if the pod is still going.

• 2:33Sam Morril?

  I think it is.

• 2:34Mark Normand?

  That might be a prison. A pod, that's a section of hell. Podcast with your divorced spouse feels like a...

• 2:41Sam Morril?

  I did a podcast with an ex once and it's, the second, it stopped before the breakup. That's how well the relationship was going.

• 2:47Mark Normand?

  That's about right.

• 2:48Sam Morril?

  We gotta wrap this up, 'cause we're on, we're on eggshells.

• 2:52Mark Normand?

  Active, actively continuing. Okay, that's like the opposite of entanglement.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Right.

• 2:58Mark Normand?

  Still going.

• 2:59Speaker 02

  What was that Gwyneth Paltrow breakup called? A conscious uncoupling.

• 3:03Mark Normand?

  Conscious uncoupling, wow. It's like when you get fired, they call it furloughed.

• 3:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 3:08Mark Normand?

  Why did that come in, furloughed?

• 3:10Sam Morril?

  You've been made redundant.

• 3:11Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 3:12Sam Morril?

  Which sounds worse.

• 3:13Mark Normand?

  I've never heard that.

• 3:14Sam Morril?

  How much, that's what the British say.

• 3:15Mark Normand?

  Made redundant.

• 3:16Sam Morril?

  You've been made redundant. That sounds so much crueler than "we're letting you go."

• 3:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I, if we're going at it, I feel the same about server. It was, when I was younger, it was waiter, then it became server. I think server sounds worse. I'm your server.

• 3:27Sam Morril?

  Closer to slave.

• 3:28Mark Normand?

  Or servant, yeah. Server's no good. I think people just change it to change it. They think that's helping, but they don't actually look at the words.

• 3:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah, well, I mean, it's like the homeless, when they kept changing the homeless.

• 3:38Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 3:39Sam Morril?

  The, the...

• 3:40Mark Normand?

  Unhoused.

• 3:41Sam Morril?

  Unhoused. I'm like, yeah, they still don't have a home.

• 3:43Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 3:44Sam Morril?

  We're not looking at the actual problem here.

• 3:46Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes. What about little people?

• 3:49Sam Morril?

  You're attacking the language and not the actual situation.

• 3:51Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 3:51Sam Morril?

  I said it when I was volunteering at one of those food things. I was like, "Oh, the homeless people, don't say that." I'm like, "They know what they are."

• 3:57Mark Normand?

  They don't give a shit. Yeah.

• 3:59Sam Morril?

  I'm here to help. I'm just being honest. I don't know.

• 4:01Mark Normand?

  I know. It's similar with black. Remember, black was weird. Like, "Don't say black, say African-American." I'm like, "They're black. I'm white."

• 4:08Sam Morril?

  Yeah, there was a time when people thought colored was progressive.

• 4:10Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 4:11Sam Morril?

  That's how racist people were. It went from like the N-word to color and they're like, "A color," and you're like, "Yeah, that's not, that's not good now either."

• 4:16Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but then people of color is okay.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Like color.

• 4:20Sam Morril?

  It sounds weird.

• 4:21Mark Normand?

  I don't say it, 'cause it's ridiculous. It's been made redundant.

• 4:27Mark Normand?

  But, yeah. I think little people's weird.

• 4:30Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's not great.

• 4:31Mark Normand?

  Little people? What the fuck? That's crazy.

• 4:35Sam Morril?

  I call them a teeny weeny. I don't like to, it's not nice.

• 4:39Mark Normand?

  I call them fun size. That's my dick. Uh, fun size is a great, um, what, that's the most, best marketing spin of all time. I got a great Snickers in a fun size.

• 4:50Sam Morril?

  The bonuses for little people, like, you probably never have to get, you pay for a shorter massage, it's less body to rub.

• 4:55Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 4:56Sam Morril?

  You get a 30-minute, they're getting that whole body.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  You get to your weener quicker.

• 5:00Mark Normand?

  Weener quicker. And flights are better. Your legs are dangling.

• 5:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, why do you think I put Vita in coach?

• 5:09Mark Normand?

  They go overhead for all I care. Um, flights are better. You probably shop on the kids menu.

• 5:16Sam Morril?

  I don't think that's how it works.

• 5:18Mark Normand?

  Give that, do little people eat, they must eat littler amounts. I think a pony eats less than a horse.

• 5:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I don't think they want chicken fingers for dinner. If you're a 30-year-old, they want adult food.

• 5:31Mark Normand?

  I forgot about the selection.

• 5:35Mark Normand?

  I mean, to a midget, a slider is a burger, right? If we're doing the math.

• 5:40Sam Morril?

  He's like, "Do you have any little person halibut here tonight?"

• 5:44Mark Normand?

  I forgot, it's french fries and macaroni and cheese and shit. It's not actual food. Or not like, you can't get a porterhouse.

• 5:52Sam Morril?

  They don't have the kids metabolism.

• 5:53Mark Normand?

  Right, right, that's true. Although a filet comes in many different sizes.

• 5:58Sam Morril?

  That's true.

• 5:59Mark Normand?

  You can get a 10-ounce, a 12-ounce, a 14-ounce. So I'd go with a little filet.

• 6:04Sam Morril?

  Why, wait, what did that, what did that Reddit thread say?

• 6:08Mark Normand?

  There you go. A slider, pig in a blanket, what, a baby corn?

• 6:13Sam Morril?

  Pig in a blanket's too tiny. That's not... Those things, you wanna, you wanna party trick, break out a pig in a blanket?

• 6:18Mark Normand?

  I love a pig in a blanket.

• 6:20Sam Morril?

  Those things don't last five minutes.

• 6:21Mark Normand?

  You're right. You have a little mustard, a brown mustard, oh, man. So good.

• 6:26Sam Morril?

  'Cause it's, it's the crescent roll on, right?

• 6:28Mark Normand?

  That's what it is, yeah.

• 6:29Sam Morril?

  It's fucking good.

• 6:30Mark Normand?

  Well, these hors d'oeuvres, they get too highfalutin. You got like a, they're all puffs now. There's a shrimp puff. I don't want a shrimp puff.

• 6:35Sam Morril?

  I feel like a shrimp puff, eating it.

• 6:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Hey, shrimp puff could be a name for a midget. It's a shrimp puff. He's shrimpy.

• 6:41Sam Morril?

  If he's puffy.

• 6:42Mark Normand?

  If he's puffy. Well, have you ever felt their hands?

• 6:46Sam Morril?

  This is gonna get us more shit than the Segura stuff.

• 6:49Mark Normand?

  It'll go over their heads.

• 6:52Sam Morril?

  What about, uh, well, Mulaney's got that great bit, you know, that one?

• 6:55Mark Normand?

  Ah, I love that joke.

• 6:56Sam Morril?

  About how they say midget's more offensive than the N-word. He goes, "Well, that's not true, because we're saying one of the words."

• 7:01Mark Normand?

  So good.

• 7:02Sam Morril?

  That's a great bit.

• 7:03Mark Normand?

  And then the tag to that, that's an adorable hand. Is that Brad Williams? Um, that's a little person or a baby?

• 7:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a little person's hand.

• 7:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, my God, that's cute.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Oh, no, there's your baby hands.

• 7:14Mark Normand?

  Imagine that around your dong? You'd be fucking Wilt Chamberlain.

• 7:17Sam Morril?

  Feel like a superhero.

• 7:19Mark Normand?

  Uh, well, oh, the Mulaney tag to that is, uh, if you say midget, you're gonna have 500 little people out there protesting. He goes, "Promise?"

• 7:30Mark Normand?

  I saw that live at the Skirball Center, that taping. Yeah, 'cause I just knew him as like, "That's a funny guy in New York. He's like a really good comic. I'll go see his special, it's free." And I brought a girl and she was more into him than me after.

• 7:43Sam Morril?

  That's the problem.

• 7:43Mark Normand?

  I know. He had a better act.

• 7:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's, he's a good comic.

• 7:47Mark Normand?

  He's very good.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Did you see what Mulaney's doing in New York?

• 7:50Mark Normand?

  I did.

• 7:51Sam Morril?

  It's very cool.

• 7:51Mark Normand?

  That's one of the coolest things I've ever seen in a comic, too.

• 7:54Sam Morril?

  Joe's Pub, The Cellar, uh...

• 7:55Mark Normand?

  Carnegie...

• 7:56Sam Morril?

  Carnegie Hall, Beacon Theater, MSG, Radio City. He's doing like every iconic New York.

• 8:01Mark Normand?

  And getting bigger each venue, I guess. Starting at The Cellar, so cool. And what a flex.

• 8:08Sam Morril?

  It's a fucking huge flex.

• 8:10Mark Normand?

  We're all bullshitting on podcasts all day. I'm doing dumbass reels. He doesn't do any of that shit. I'm like sweating over a LeBron tweet. Oh, he's, he's living in New York, but he's going to Philly. He got nixed. You know, I'm sweating over this shit on my toilet. Meanwhile, he's doing seven shows in seven days in the best, you know, venues in the city.

• 8:28Sam Morril?

  That is a fun, it's cool. You've seen the same hour. It's also like, I almost wanna see how he adjusts, 'cause he's kinda big when he plays a big venue.

• 8:37Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 8:38Sam Morril?

  He kinda moves away like Rock will move.

• 8:39Mark Normand?

  True.

• 8:40Sam Morril?

  He'll pace a little bit. We don't pace at all.

• 8:41Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 8:42Sam Morril?

  But, yeah, I haven't seen him in a small venue in a long time. Used to, used to see him come by The Cellar a bit, but...

• 8:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. I don't wanna besmirch the man. I'm a fan, but I've only seen him bombed twice. In my, and I've seen the guy probably 400 times.

• 8:57Sam Morril?

  How is that besmirching him?

• 8:58Mark Normand?

  Well, I just, uh, I don't wanna ever talk about a guy bombing. I don't wanna be mean, but...

• 9:02Sam Morril?

  Mark Norman Goes Off on John.

• 9:06Mark Normand?

  Goes off. Ah, I'm just saying, it was, I've never seen it, 'cause he's such a good comic and he's always prepared and, and polished. But, man, seeing him struggle was weird.

• 9:18Sam Morril?

  Yeah, 'cause it, he's so, like, you feel like with him, it just comes out polished. Like, his suit makes so much sense for him.

• 9:24Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 9:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he's, uh, he's got the polish, man.

• 9:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he really does. He's, he's like, he's like a premier comic. Like, I feel like I'm, um, blue collar, southern, toothless yokel. And then you see him, and like, that last one, Baby J, that was at the Symphony Hall with those lights in the back.

• 9:41Sam Morril?

  There's an elegance to it.

• 9:42Mark Normand?

  There's an elegance.

• 9:43Sam Morril?

  There's like a class to it.

• 9:44Mark Normand?

  A class.

• 9:45Sam Morril?

  You know what he, uh, I remember, still remember, I think I was in college, I saw him do that, uh, Law and Order bit. That was the bit where I was like, "Oh, God, this guy's really good," where he talked about how they never stop unloading crates.

• 9:57Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 9:59Sam Morril?

  Which is like, "Oh, that's an amazing observation."

• 10:02Mark Normand?

  Great observation.

• 10:03Sam Morril?

  It's one of those, "How the fuck has no one said this?"

• 10:05Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 10:06Sam Morril?

  Those are the best bits.

• 10:06Mark Normand?

  Totally, totally. He had the Trump stuff before anyone else. You know, "I'm gonna fire people with my children. I'll have golden hair and names on the building," and all that shit.

• 10:14Sam Morril?

  Crazy. These are such good comedy talks. It's a shame this is our last drink.

• 10:19Sam Morril?

  What a bummer.

• 10:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah. But then you wonder, if you're at that level, with that sophistication, we're talking about, the bits we're quoting are 20 years old or whatever.

• 10:28Sam Morril?

  They're up there, for sure.

• 10:29Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so it must be tough to sit around and go, "How do I top this?"

• 10:35Sam Morril?

  Oh, dude.

• 10:35Mark Normand?

  "How do I top that special?"

• 10:36Sam Morril?

  I mean, you're right, you're working on new shit right now. I'm working on new shit right now. It's, there are nights where I feel like a piece of shit.

• 10:41Mark Normand?

  Completely.

• 10:42Sam Morril?

  I just bombed this private in Greece. I couldn't have given a fuck when I got offstage, 'cause they were animals and you knew you were gonna, you knew you were walking into.

• 10:50Mark Normand?

  A private's a different story.

• 10:51Sam Morril?

  But I got buried by a really funny comic at The Cellar recently, and he's playing the hits, he's murdering, and I'm doing new stuff. And I was like, "Ah," I just felt like a bitch.

• 11:02Mark Normand?

  You do, and then you feel, that's the thing about comedy, is like...

• 11:05Sam Morril?

  I felt like a little person. Not that kind, just, you know, no, I, I, I was with my girl after and she was like trying to cheer me up and I was like, you just gotta give me like forty minutes.

• 11:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:16Sam Morril?

  After the, you know, I was in, I was just in Greece for a private, turned in like a seven day, you know, trip, chilling Corfu on the water. Yeah, I mean, that's

• 11:25Mark Normand?

  Look at this.

• 11:25Sam Morril?

  This is what I was doing after.

• 11:28Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 11:28Sam Morril?

  The night after, so, you know, I tried to get there early.

• 11:32Mark Normand?

  I had a bad shit, I'm such a piece of shit, look at this guys, living the dream.

• 11:36Sam Morril?

  Not bad, right? But the night before, I'm, I'm at this gig and it's like, you know, when you just walk into a gig and you know you're gonna eat shit?

• 11:43Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 11:43Sam Morril?

  It's one of those where, you know, it's outdoors, on a beautiful island.

• 11:48Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 11:48Sam Morril?

  Uh, there's, uh, like fifty people there, they're playing like Pavarotti live before that type of music and everyone's like

• 11:56Sam Morril?

  And I'm like, ooh, I'm gonna eat shit, this is bad. The woman comes back, she's like, alright, you're, they want me there at like five PM for soundcheck and I was like, no. I'm like, you, you get a working mic, we'll figure this out.

• 12:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:06Sam Morril?

  So I get there like eight, or maybe seven, I go on at ten, so it's late, it's getting late, it's dark out, uh.

• 12:13Mark Normand?

  Better dark though, I, I will say, but it's crazy to go that late.

• 12:17Sam Morril?

  Yeah, and then, uh, she goes, alright, so you're just gonna walk up to the mic and I'm like, no, you gotta bring me up.

• 12:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 12:22Sam Morril?

  You gotta like, and she's like, what? And I was like, you don't, it's weird if I just, and she's like, alright, fine, I'll bring you up. She brings me up, within two minutes, you know, the, I begged them, I'm like, can we do ten minutes? They're like, it's gotta be thirty, and I'm like,

• 12:34Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 12:34Sam Morril?

  I don't know anything, but you're like, alright.

• 12:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, your funeral.

• 12:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was my funeral, but, but they were there, and, uh, within two minutes, I'm like, I'm, I'm, you ever go through like an hour fifteen of material in like twenty minutes?

• 12:47Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 12:47Sam Morril?

  I'm just like, bam, bam, bam, just trying, and, uh.

• 12:50Mark Normand?

  Are you getting a little titter here? Maybe a sump kind of inkling of, of a joke landing?

• 12:55Sam Morril?

  You're shaving the tags.

• 12:57Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 12:58Sam Morril?

  All the meat, you're like, let's give them all the medias parts of these jokes, get them, I'm getting like, so here's the fun part, it's like There are three people up front who are laughing at everything I say.

• 13:08Mark Normand?

  Okay, that helps.

• 13:09Sam Morril?

  It's like, the son is apparently a big fan.

• 13:11Mark Normand?

  Ah.

• 13:12Sam Morril?

  He's like the kid from Enora, basically, he's having his ass off, and, uh, his friends are, his brother, one of the, I think the sister's laughing and his friend are laughing. Everyone else is like, what's happening? You know, and I get it, I'm doing, I like, I'm like, man, this is, at least this is better than the time I performed on Epstein's island.

• 13:26Mark Normand?

  Oh my god.

• 13:27Sam Morril?

  Silence, and I'm like, and I, and I get it, it's like, you know, they didn't hire, uh, they didn't know what they hired, they're like, This is a six year old's birthday party, why is the guy making pedophile jokes at our dinner? And, uh, it's understandable.

• 13:39Mark Normand?

  Has to be made though, I feel like.

• 13:40Sam Morril?

  Oh, I had a few Epstein jokes, I just kept rattling, you know, hey, you get hired for a billionaire to do a private gig, you know, you gotta read the fine print in silence. I don't know if he's a billionaire, but he's clearly rich, and, uh, then, my girlfriend's laughing hysterically at the bar, trying to get some momentum from me. She's like trying to think it'll be contagious, and, and I'm like, no, she just looks like a lunatic over there, she's just laughing her ass off, and they're like, who is this woman?

• 14:04Mark Normand?

  Yeah, she had an edible.

• 14:07Sam Morril?

  And, uh, at one point, I was like, well, this isn't working, and, and the father yells out, this is not Russian humor.

• 14:14Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 14:16Sam Morril?

  You know who he hired? So I was like, alright, this next joke, uh, takes place in Moscow. I was on the subway, and, uh, I was banging this Russian, I'm just doing anything I can to appease him, just silence, get off, in the car, going back, and you're just like, Uh, alright, that's, uh, that's what it was.

• 14:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 14:33Sam Morril?

  And she's trying to cheer me up the whole way, and I'm like, no, no, no, that doesn't matter to me, the comedy seller matters to me. When it's like people who know you, but like, this was an unwinnable, I'm hitting them with everything.

• 14:43Mark Normand?

  Right, right, that's, it's all, it's all about the trip, it's about the paycheck.

• 14:48Sam Morril?

  Oh, totally, just, I, I finally chilled for a few days, yeah, it was nice.

• 14:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, this is it. Look at that, I mean, how do you, did they give you this boat? Do you rent this boat?

• 14:56Sam Morril?

  Rented it.

• 14:57Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 14:57Sam Morril?

  They were like, you can drive it if you learn, they just, and I just.

• 15:00Speaker 02

  No life jacket.

• 15:01Sam Morril?

  Fuck, fuck life jackets, dude.

• 15:03Mark Normand?

  Who needs it, come on.

• 15:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 15:05Mark Normand?

  With those arms, he could swim a show, look at those things.

• 15:09Sam Morril?

  And I read this one, I was out there, by the way, Sam Tallis' new book, Big Rec.

• 15:13Mark Normand?

  Hell yeah, great writer.

• 15:14Sam Morril?

  Loved it, dude.

• 15:15Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 15:16Sam Morril?

  You gotta read it.

• 15:16Mark Normand?

  I will read it, I loved the first book.

• 15:19Sam Morril?

  You didn't read it.

• 15:19Mark Normand?

  I did.

• 15:20Sam Morril?

  Did you?

• 15:20Mark Normand?

  I read, I had to read half of it just to get in the, like, I was the voice in this audiobook.

• 15:26Sam Morril?

  Oh, okay, it's great, right, dude, this new one's even better, I think.

• 15:28Mark Normand?

  Alright, is it?

• 15:29Sam Morril?

  It's a banger.

• 15:30Mark Normand?

  Standup related?

• 15:31Sam Morril?

  No, I mean, look at that, look at that cover. It's about a hit job gone wrong and what happens afterwards, and it's a complicated story, and it's, it's, it's a banger, dude.

• 15:40Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 15:41Sam Morril?

  Sam Tallis got the goods.

• 15:42Mark Normand?

  He's a good writer, great vocabulary on that guy.

• 15:45Sam Morril?

  It's beautifully written, it reminds me of like Elmore Leonard meets like Richard Stark type writing, it's like really cool writing. It's violent as hell, it's badass, but it does like a sensitivity to it, it's so cool.

• 15:58Mark Normand?

  Damn, Stark's the Knicks player?

• 16:02Mark Normand?

  Shit, alright, we'll get on, I, I hope he did an audiobook.

• 16:06Sam Morril?

  Maybe he did.

• 16:07Mark Normand?

  Maybe he did, I bet he did.

• 16:09Sam Morril?

  I bet he did.

• 16:10Mark Normand?

  Alright, well, jeez, but yeah, Greece, you know, it's funny, you got back from Greece, and I was like, when, when's Sam getting back? And then you landed, and it was like, what time we're recording, who do we got next week? We gotta step this up, and I was like, oh, this guy went on vacation, now he's like back in work mode.

• 16:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:25Mark Normand?

  What's up with the whiskey?

• 16:26Sam Morril?

  It's hard to shut off, dude.

• 16:28Mark Normand?

  It is, it is, I can't do it either.

• 16:30Sam Morril?

  I don't like it, yeah, but, uh, the one nice thing with the time change is you miss a lot of texts.

• 16:36Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 16:37Sam Morril?

  Cause you just wake up to a lot of shit, you're like, alright, you realize none of this is that important?

• 16:40Mark Normand?

  Yes, hundred percent, hundred percent.

• 16:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, dude, it's, it's awesome, I will say, stopped in Paris for one night just cause there's no direct flight to Corfu, and, uh, Had the, maybe the worst steak of my life, you just, you're just walking around, right, like, I'll just take a place on this, it was like a fucking, it was, I was, I was this close to doing a sloppy steak. You know that Tim Robinson sketch where they dumped the water on it?

• 17:02Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, yes, yes.

• 17:04Sam Morril?

  I was this close to just doing it for the gags, I'm like, this is already bad, I may as well just do the.

• 17:08Mark Normand?

  Hey, look, I, I've always said it, I'm half French, I've been to Paris a few times, I think French food is overrated.

• 17:14Sam Morril?

  It's, I mean, this is a bad, we just went to a random bad place.

• 17:17Mark Normand?

  But it's, it's a lot of thick.

• 17:18Sam Morril?

  Lot of butter.

• 17:19Mark Normand?

  Butter.

• 17:20Sam Morril?

  Small portions, a lot of butter, not my favorite.

• 17:22Mark Normand?

  Not my favorite.

• 17:22Sam Morril?

  A lot of fine dining shit, I hate fine dining.

• 17:24Mark Normand?

  I hate fine dining.

• 17:25Sam Morril?

  I don't need the backstory on the food, I don't need like, it's also a little, like a cucumber chilled soup, that's like a fucking shot glass, I'm like, oh, cool, but what?

• 17:33Mark Normand?

  It's gone.

• 17:34Sam Morril?

  I want, I don't wanna spend, spend that kinda money and be hungry, I need to get a slice of pizza on the way home.

• 17:38Mark Normand?

  I know, that's how I feel, yeah, it's a lot of like pastry, fluff, sauces, I don't know, it's not for me, I think it's overrated.

• 17:45Sam Morril?

  And anyway, and this, this is, it is a peeve, I'm gonna hit you with a peeve, there's a woman next to me, we're at like a little outdoor cafe, She's just breathing smoke into my face, like, just one of those like, and it's not, it's not even fucking a cigarette. Like, I can live with it being a cigarette, cause I'm like, this rude bitch is gonna die.

• 18:02Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:03Sam Morril?

  She's gonna live to a hundred and four, she's vaping. It's a vape? It's a vape, and it was like a nasty ass flavor. And it's just in your face forever, and it's like, and I keep giving the look, but you feel weird being like, what are you doing?

• 18:14Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:15Sam Morril?

  But I gave, I gave a lot of like stares.

• 18:17Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 18:18Sam Morril?

  But I didn't say anything.

• 18:19Mark Normand?

  I mean, if Parisians are smoking vape, Paris is dead.

• 18:22Sam Morril?

  It's dead.

• 18:22Mark Normand?

  The whole thing with Paris is the little long gay cigarette, and now you're on vape?

• 18:26Sam Morril?

  If it was a cigarette, I respect a cigarette smoker, I don't respect a vape smoker.

• 18:30Mark Normand?

  No, no.

• 18:31Sam Morril?

  Vape is garbage.

• 18:33Mark Normand?

  It's bad.

• 18:33Sam Morril?

  I've been on like dates where I'm like, oh, I'm into this girl, and she takes out a vape, and you're like, oh.

• 18:37Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 18:38Sam Morril?

  It was going well.

• 18:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, it's a bad look.

• 18:40Sam Morril?

  It's a gross habit.

• 18:41Mark Normand?

  It just looks trashy, looks like you're on a break at Walmart.

• 18:44Sam Morril?

  Cigarettes, although worse for you, like, they're kinda, there's something hot about a girl who smokes a cigarette.

• 18:48Mark Normand?

  Totally, totally, yeah.

• 18:50Sam Morril?

  She makes bad decisions.

• 18:52Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 18:52Speaker 02

  She smokes, she pokes.

• 18:54Mark Normand?

  Ooh, I like that.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  That's what my mom said.

• 18:57Sam Morril?

  That's what your mom said? I poked her, so it must be true.

• 19:02Mark Normand?

  She smokes, she pokes, alright, never heard that, okay.

• 19:05Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 19:05Mark Normand?

  Good to know, I'll pack her, alright, sorry, I have no filter, alright, alright, I'll, I'll move on. But yeah, yeah, I'm with you on that, even a cigar I like, I like a guy with a cigar, too.

• 19:16Sam Morril?

  I like, I'm not a big cigar smoker though, are you? There was a period where List always wanted to smoke cigars, cause he was sober, yeah, he needed some, I got, I was never that into it.

• 19:27Mark Normand?

  One a month, I like.

• 19:28Sam Morril?

  You do one a month?

• 19:29Mark Normand?

  Maybe one every two months, yeah.

• 19:30Sam Morril?

  You got that back door, backyard area, that's why you're into them.

• 19:33Mark Normand?

  That's true, and you feel like you own the house, when you're smoking a cigar in your back deck, you're like, this is my place.

• 19:37Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 19:38Mark Normand?

  I do what I want here, and

• 19:40Sam Morril?

  It is badass.

• 19:40Mark Normand?

  I smoke half of it.

• 19:42Sam Morril?

  I love this story back in the day, uh, I think it was, uh, Castro was told he had to cut down, it was either Castro or Che, it was one of them, they were told they had to cut down on cigars and the doctor, This is a Cuban doctor, you can smoke two a day, which is hilarious, that's a lot, started smoking this long.

• 19:56Mark Normand?

  I love that, great logic.

• 19:57Sam Morril?

  Amazing.

• 19:58Mark Normand?

  That's great, so I went to Florida.

• 20:01Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 20:01Mark Normand?

  Tampa, brought the baby.

• 20:03Sam Morril?

  Side splitters.

• 20:04Mark Normand?

  Side splitters, one of the best clubs, one of the best weekends, Tampa's awesome, they're calling it now the San Diego of the East. I don't know how you feel about that.

• 20:12Sam Morril?

  That many strippers, yeah.

• 20:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, more, the most, I think Tampa's the most, Tampa or Portland, might wanna give that a go.

• 20:17Sam Morril?

  I like Tampa, and, yeah, I like San Diego, it makes sense.

• 20:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, uh, so went there, brought the boy, flew New Orleans first to, uh, Tales of the Cocktail. Did, uh, Tippettinas, we sold it out, it was great, all the friends came out, college, high school, whatever, got too drunk, of course, cause that's what you do there, uh, with the friends. And I flew Breeze Airways, you ever heard of this? Had to do a puddle jumper from New Orleans to Tampa, uh, Breeze. Yes, the only thing direct was Breeze, they go to Charleston, Tampa, I don't know, Miami maybe, but it's a JetBlue affiliate, great airline. I mean, it's like a, a shit box, but it's cheap as shit and, uh, got you there, so shout out Breeze.

• 21:03Sam Morril?

  Your stolen watch?

• 21:04Mark Normand?

  Drew Brees, yes, I'm getting to that.

• 21:05Sam Morril?

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 21:06Mark Normand?

  So, we go to the, we go, I bring the boy, so we're in Florida, we're gonna go see dolphins. I'm a good dad, the wife set it up, I'm paying, we're going to see dolphins. Bring the boy, he's eighteen months old, he doesn't get anything. So, we get on a little boat, it's me and a bunch of tourists, a bunch of like Russians and whatever, Scandinavians. We get out there, dolphins galore, they jump into the, like, the boat makes a wake, or those waves, and they jump into the waves, it's amazing.

• 21:36Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 21:37Mark Normand?

  So they know how to do it, and so everybody's in the back of the boat going, huh, huh, whoa! And I'm trying to get the kid up, I'm trying to show him the dolphin, but he doesn't get it. But every time a dolphin jumps, everybody goes, whoa! And there's cameras everywhere, and the kid didn't get it, he didn't like it, he kept kinda like dozing off on the boat. And then, we land, and the kid goes, whoa! Cause he was mock, he was mimicking the, the whole, uh, audio, it was the cutest thing ever.

• 22:06Sam Morril?

  Sarcasm.

• 22:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 22:06Sam Morril?

  Out of a baby, that's cute.

• 22:08Mark Normand?

  That was cute, I, I lost it, cause he just went, everybody went, whoa!, you know, for two hours, and at the end of the show, or trip, he goes, whoa!

• 22:15Sam Morril?

  You're raising a baby Bill Maher, he's like, oh, that's nice.

• 22:18Mark Normand?

  Dolphins, okay, what's a blowhole?

• 22:21Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah, um, so that was cute, so, but before we went, we left, I got this hot new watch, I said, we're going to see dolphins, let me leave the watch on the counter, in the room. I don't want anybody, I don't want to drop this watch in the ocean. We get back from the, five hours later, we get back from the excursion, the watch is gone.

• 22:39Sam Morril?

  Oh, no.

• 22:39Mark Normand?

  So I was like, ah, it's a nice watch, so I flipped the place upside down, the bed, looked behind every dresser, in every drawer, whatever.

• 22:46Sam Morril?

  You beat your wife, you demanded her, yeah.

• 22:48Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly.

• 22:49Sam Morril?

  The usual, of course.

• 22:49Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm like Bruce Willis, where's my watch? It's up my ass, walking, so.

• 22:55Sam Morril?

  It's good stuff.

• 22:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, so, haha, I, I've never been this guy, but I've never owned anything nice.

• 23:01Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 23:02Mark Normand?

  So I call the front desk, and I go full Karen, I was like, somebody cleaned my room, I had a nice watch, it's gone, and this is a, this is a grand Hyatt, so they're like, whoa! So, so sorry, Mr. Norman, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, get on that, oh my god, I can't believe what I'm hearing. And I'm like, you got cameras in there, I wanna know who was cleaning my room, blah, blah, blah, I went nuts, I never had a watch missing.

• 23:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 23:22Mark Normand?

  And then, two days later, I found it.

• 23:24Sam Morril?

  Where was it?

• 23:25Mark Normand?

  The kid had stuffed it in the crib, under the mattress, the kid took it, and he put it in his little dumb lair.

• 23:32Sam Morril?

  You're really raising a Norman?

• 23:33Mark Normand?

  I know!

• 23:34Sam Morril?

  Five finger discount.

• 23:35Mark Normand?

  He got my watch, that twink, so, there you go.

• 23:39Sam Morril?

  Your wallet's in there too, you're like, what the fuck?

• 23:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah, there's a gun down there, I'm like, what the hell?

• 23:45Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 23:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, he's got a pearl necklace.

• 23:47Sam Morril?

  So you know, that shit's all waterproof, you could wear that.

• 23:49Mark Normand?

  Oh, really?

• 23:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, of course.

• 23:50Mark Normand?

  I'm too scared to ruin it.

• 23:51Sam Morril?

  Nah, it's waterproof.

• 23:52Mark Normand?

  All right, I guess they took him to the moon.

• 23:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, of course, it's fine.

• 23:56Mark Normand?

  The Omega.

• 23:56Sam Morril?

  Take him, yeah.

• 23:57Mark Normand?

  Well, I, I went down and personally apologized to the guy after, I found it.

• 24:01Sam Morril?

  That's good, I respect that, we've all done that where you're just like, eh, I fucked up.

• 24:06Mark Normand?

  I'm embarrassed, I don't wanna be that guy, I don't wanna be like the, I say, good day, you know, fuck you, I want you to blow me, I didn't wanna be that, that Karen guy, so I just, I sucked it up and apologized to Charles. Sorry, Charles, but yeah, had a great time, great club, BT is the man, and he's opening a new one.

• 24:24Sam Morril?

  Where?

• 24:26Mark Normand?

  St. Pete.

• 24:27Sam Morril?

  Oh, interesting.

• 24:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 24:28Sam Morril?

  How far is that from Tampa?

• 24:30Mark Normand?

  Eh, thirty-five minutes.

• 24:32Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's.

• 24:32Mark Normand?

  Forty-five.

• 24:33Sam Morril?

  I think that's the same audience, isn't it?

• 24:34Mark Normand?

  That's what I said, he's like, it's a whole different world over there, those people don't leave, there's nothing to do there, it's like a community there, so.

• 24:40Sam Morril?

  They won't drive thirty-five minutes to see you?

• 24:42Mark Normand?

  Not really, not to Carrollwood, where SideSplitters is, apparently that's the dumb burbs.

• 24:48Sam Morril?

  Got it, all right.

• 24:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah, but he said, this'll be the nice one, and then, SideSplitters will be like the, the original.

• 24:53Sam Morril?

  I love SideSplitters.

• 24:54Mark Normand?

  Me too.

• 24:55Sam Morril?

  That's one I've thought about, I mean, I did tape a special on Tampa, I love, something about Tampa, like, they never will groan at a joke.

• 25:01Mark Normand?

  Not once.

• 25:02Sam Morril?

  There's a good vibe in that.

• 25:03Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 25:04Sam Morril?

  City.

• 25:05Mark Normand?

  Uh, so I had this, I'd never had before, nineteen, twenty years of comedy, last show, seven sold-out shows, doing the last show, cooking, new materials cooking, I get this one. Hold up, hold up, I go, what the hell's going on over here, I'm riffing on it, BT comes in, the owner, people are standing up, all the chairs pushed back, seizure! Had the guy seize it out!

• 25:31Sam Morril?

  Oh, no.

• 25:31Mark Normand?

  Wiggin', you can see the table shaking, you see like one leg up, doing this shit.

• 25:34Sam Morril?

  Holy shit.

• 25:35Mark Normand?

  And I was like, oh god, so they wheel him out, and then.

• 25:38Sam Morril?

  How, how old a guy?

• 25:39Mark Normand?

  He's probably forty-five.

• 25:40Sam Morril?

  Oh, no.

• 25:41Mark Normand?

  But then you go, do I zing, or do I stop the show, cause you wanna be a professional?

• 25:48Sam Morril?

  You get one last burn on him, and he goes, he's dead.

• 25:52Mark Normand?

  Well, so, it was kinda awkward, I'm like, oh, this is weird, huh, huh, then somebody goes, you're killing!

• 25:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 25:59Mark Normand?

  And I was like, yeah, thank you, Sarah, see, comedy's hard, that kinda nice laugh, and then, one guy goes, fuck him, do the show! I'm like, gonna be back in Florida, you know, so I'm zinging off of the lines, but I don't really wanna zing the guy, cause he could be in trouble.

• 26:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it's not, you don't, you don't want that to be someone's last words they hear.

• 26:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 26:19Sam Morril?

  You don't know how serious it is, I mean, a seizure's scary, man.

• 26:22Mark Normand?

  Very scary, so, I asked BT, who's like seven foot twelve, I see him back in the, back in the room, and I go, are we good? He goes, no, this is bad, and I was like, ah, shit, so they walk the guy out, like, by his arms, his legs are dragging, and I was like, oh, god. I was doing this new bit about Superman that's bombing, so I was like, I won't do that bit again, I don't wanna hurt anybody else, that's how bad the bit was. And they bring him out there, they're fanning him, and he goes, I'm good, I'm good, I've never had a seizure before, I don't know where that came from, and they're like, that's worse!

• 26:50Sam Morril?

  Came back in?

• 26:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah, no, he, BT's like, you gotta go home, I can't let you back in that room, you're a liability, like, I don't know if you could fall down, or whatever, you're, you're toast.

• 26:59Sam Morril?

  You can't let a guy have a second seizure.

• 27:01Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 27:02Sam Morril?

  You gotta go to the hospital.

• 27:03Mark Normand?

  So, they Ubered him home, and the two friends stayed.

• 27:07Sam Morril?

  Wow, what shitty friends.

• 27:08Mark Normand?

  I know! But yeah, I, I think he had a, like, a crazy edible, I think it sparked something.

• 27:15Sam Morril?

  It happened to me once at SideSplitters, someone in the crowd was like bugging out.

• 27:18Mark Normand?

  No!

• 27:18Sam Morril?

  And I just looked at him, I'm like, are you, it was one of the things where I was like, are you, I had to, the face was like freaking, I was like, are you okay? And they're like, I'm freaking the fuck out, and I thought they were teasing me or something.

• 27:26Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 27:26Sam Morril?

  But I was like, the friends were like, they took too many edibles, and I was, yeah, it's something about that town.

• 27:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah, wow, same club.

• 27:32Sam Morril?

  I had a guy at one time have a, uh, some sort of like, uh, I think he had a stroke, and, uh, it was in, uh, same vibe, Scottsdale.

• 27:43Mark Normand?

  Yes, I remember this story.

• 27:45Sam Morril?

  Yeah, so I mean, that, and it's, it's a crazy thing to.

• 27:48Mark Normand?

  What, did you zig, zing?

• 27:50Sam Morril?

  I made a couple things, but the first thing I said, I, he knocked a, a bottle over, so I was like, oh my god, what the fuck, like, I said something riffing off that, and then, they were like, he's having a stroke, and I was like, oh, fuck, I was like, call an ambulance.

• 28:03Mark Normand?

  Stroke is serious.

• 28:04Sam Morril?

  Stroke or seizure, it was something serious, and then, um, I think it was a stroke.

• 28:09Mark Normand?

  Mmm, good band.

• 28:10Sam Morril?

  And, uh, good band, uh, but then, the owner, Howard, came on, and he was like, I've had many strokes, I'm like, yeah, but yours are from like Red Bull and cocaine.

• 28:19Mark Normand?

  Whoa, yeah.

• 28:19Sam Morril?

  Yeah, you had like fourteen Red Bulls and kept blowing lines, this is like an older guy.

• 28:23Mark Normand?

  Right, you're Hunter Biden, this is Mitch McConnell, this is a different, different ballgame here.

• 28:28Sam Morril?

  They kinda look, both look like both.

• 28:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah!

• 28:30Sam Morril?

  And then, uh, and then, yeah, he waited for a while, and then, went back and, and did this, yeah, I got offstage for a second, cause I was like, let's just wait till this resolves, and then I'll come back, cause I don't wanna, you know, this guy could, could die.

• 28:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 28:44Sam Morril?

  He seemed to be okay when they left, and while, while they're wheeling him out, Howard runs up and does shtick on stage, and I'm like, I could've done that!

• 28:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right.

• 28:53Sam Morril?

  And he's bombing, I'm like, all right, well, I'm gonna look like a hero coming back after this guy, so.

• 28:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, let him do that dirty work.

• 28:58Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 28:58Mark Normand?

  A lot of these guys wanna be comics, these club owners.

• 29:02Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 29:02Mark Normand?

  It's bad, but all the BT at SideSplitters does not wanna do comedy.

• 29:07Sam Morril?

  I kinda love it.

• 29:07Mark Normand?

  Which is why he's a great owner, yeah, so, show, show went on, and we had a good show, but I got a bunch of riffs out of it later, I waited till the guy was gone, then I made fun of him. So, look out for that clip!

• 29:20Sam Morril?

  Did you have a good clip of it?

• 29:21Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.

• 29:22Sam Morril?

  Oh, my god, hopefully he's okay.

• 29:25Mark Normand?

  Oh, he's fine, he's fine, yeah.

• 29:26Sam Morril?

  A seizure is fucking scary.

• 29:28Mark Normand?

  I know, you ever had a seizure, a panic attack?

• 29:31Sam Morril?

  I had a panic attack once, how about you?

• 29:33Mark Normand?

  Let's hear, I had one in my life, and I'm scared to even talk about it, cause I don't wanna trigger one.

• 29:36Sam Morril?

  I was on the road, I was in a hotel room in Baltimore, and I had taken a edible, which I don't normally do.

• 29:44Mark Normand?

  Jeez, we have a, a pattern here.

• 29:46Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I don't like edibles, but I was talked into taking it, and I was like, all right, what the hell, it'll help me sleep, it did the opposite.

• 29:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 29:54Sam Morril?

  I'm on the floor, like, what the fuck is happening?

• 29:56Mark Normand?

  I've been there.

• 29:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it was, I had a couple, I've had a couple of those on edibles, I don't know why I keep trying it again, it's like, I'm not built for edibles, man.

• 30:03Mark Normand?

  No, I, I'm not good with weed at all, but I, every time I smoke a joint, I go, pf, that was a mistake.

• 30:08Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 30:09Mark Normand?

  Right after it hits me.

• 30:10Sam Morril?

  Well, it's not our vibe, our vibe is drinking.

• 30:12Mark Normand?

  Totally, we need to calm the voices, not.

• 30:15Sam Morril?

  Enhance.

• 30:16Mark Normand?

  Enhance.

• 30:16Sam Morril?

  Well, the thing about booze is like, it takes such a toll on your body, though.

• 30:20Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 30:21Sam Morril?

  Not, not Bodega Cat, though, that's, it's hard healthy.

• 30:23Mark Normand?

  Yes, it's a healthy elixir.

• 30:25Sam Morril?

  But, you feel it, like, it's like, your stomach lining's fucked up, I, I feel my, like, the way you feel after a bad hangover is like, yeah, this is insane.

• 30:34Mark Normand?

  Insane!

• 30:35Sam Morril?

  This is what I'm doing to myself.

• 30:36Mark Normand?

  I was there on Thursday, yeah, I had to drink in New Orleans, and I even took those, I hate to shout them out, I took those fucking pre-hangover things.

• 30:43Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:44Mark Normand?

  And I was like, oh, I'm gonna be good, I, supposed to take one, I took three, cause I was like, I'm really gonna be hungover, and I was still dead, still fucked.

• 30:51Sam Morril?

  Yeah, it doesn't work if you get like shithoused.

• 30:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 30:53Sam Morril?

  I think that works if you have like four drinks or something.

• 30:56Mark Normand?

  I guess so, yeah, I was doing shots, and beers between, waiting for the cocktail, I'd drink my beer, then you get the cocktail, and.

• 31:03Sam Morril?

  That's how we used to drink every night.

• 31:04Mark Normand?

  I know, I know, we're lucky to be here.

• 31:07Sam Morril?

  Oh, god.

• 31:08Mark Normand?

  Uh, whoa, what?

• 31:10Speaker 03

  One last drink?

• 31:12Sam Morril?

  One last drink.

• 31:13Mark Normand?

  Wait, what was I, I was about to say something before, uh, oh, shit.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  Oh, your panic attack?

• 31:18Mark Normand?

  Oh, my panic attack, thank you, so, I've only had one. I failed out of UNO, University of New Orleans. I was a real piece of shit, drunk, whatever, popping pills. Failed out of UNO, so my parents said, "You gotta get out of New Orleans. This city's too, too bad of an influence."

• 31:34Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 31:34Mark Normand?

  So I went to Baton Rouge, an hour away. Went to Baton Rouge Community College to get my grades up, so I could go to LSU. That was the plan. So now I'm in Baton Rouge Community College. My life's falling apart. I live with five guys who are all losers, pieces of shit. Great guys, but we're all not going anywhere. One of them now is a line cook, one is a mechanic, like, you know, just rough and tumble guys. Live in a house, all we do is play poker, we try to get laid, we, we built a bar in the house and had a kegerator, it was crazy, beer pong. So, my life is falling apart, I failed out of college, I got no pros- comedy's not even on the radar, I, I never thought about comedy. I'm 19 years old, I can't do math, I'm the worst math student on the planet.

• 32:18Mark Normand?

  I'm taking a math test, if I don't pass this test, I fail out of community college, which is like, embarrassing. So, I'm staring at this math test, it's like trigonometry, algebra, and it just hit me. And I started seeing droplets of sweat hit the page. And that was like, triggering me more. So I go, "Ah," and the room started spinning, I'm pouring sweat, I'm like, "Gahhh." My life's falling apart, what the hell's wrong with you? I think I was hungover too. And I ran outside, and this girl, who was like, kind of a crackhead-y heroin chick, goes, "What's going on with him?" And she chases me out. And I was like, "Oh, weird."

• 32:57Sam Morril?

  A crackhead was worried about you.

• 32:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 32:59Sam Morril?

  This is not good.

• 33:00Mark Normand?

  She was off, she had something, some drug, she had crazy bags under her eyes, she was kind of attractive, but like, she'd been through the wringer.

• 33:07Sam Morril?

  Sure.

• 33:07Mark Normand?

  So, I ran out, and I'm in like, the stairwell, like, trying to catch my breath. She comes in there, and she's like, "What the hell's going on with you?" I'm like, "I think I'm having a panic attack, I'm freaking out." And she pins me up against the wall and kisses me.

• 33:19Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 33:20Mark Normand?

  And I was like, "What the hell's this?" And I remember she had the worst breath on the planet. And I immediately came to it, and I was like, "I gotta go." And I pushed her, and I, I got out of there, and I got in my car, and I went home. But, that's when you know you're going through something, is when a woman comes on to you, and you're like, "I can't do this."

• 33:35Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:36Mark Normand?

  I'll fuck Peters if he walked up to me, you know? So like, that's when I knew something was wrong, but also the breath.

• 33:42Sam Morril?

  You rejected a crackhead, that's gotta be low.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:47Sam Morril?

  She definitely did not, she was like, "She has a fucking panic attack." Someone on heroin tries to kiss her, it just keeps going worse and worse.

• 33:54Mark Normand?

  I think she thought I was on drugs as well, and she was like, "Oh, we're, we're this'll bond us."

• 33:59Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 33:59Mark Normand?

  Like, it's, it's attractive to me that we're both-

• 34:01Sam Morril?

  But that got you out of it, it's, maybe, like, that level of reality hit you, like, that, it's interesting.

• 34:07Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 34:07Speaker 02

  Your life, like, one crazy sliding doors moment away from you being like your high school buddies, just like a bunch of drunk losers in Louisiana.

• 34:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah. Totally, totally, and I started going to open mics, I remember I went to an open-

• 34:20Sam Morril?

  Lucy's Surfer Bar.

• 34:21Mark Normand?

  Yes. But I went to one in Baton Rouge, and I remember I went, and I was too scared to go up. So I didn't put my, they called my name, and I just sat there. I, I didn't know anybody, it was like, six people in the crowd, at this shitty bar with a stage.

• 34:33Sam Morril?

  It was scary.

• 34:34Mark Normand?

  Scary. And this one guy went up, named Chris Fontana, so funny, I was blown away, I was like, in love with this guy, I was enamored, this guy is a great comic, holy shit, if I could only do that, so confident, smoking beer on stage, funny. And I went back the next week, I saw him again, and he did the same act, and I was crushed. I was like, "This guy's a fucking fraud, that's him, that's him." He died of heroin.

• 34:58Sam Morril?

  You saw how the sausage was made.

• 35:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 35:00Sam Morril?

  I mean, that's the thing, is like-

• 35:02Mark Normand?

  Leather jacket. He was like a star, he just had it. He was like a Stanhope type, which is like, "Ah, fuck the world, I'll kill all of you, you all fucking suck, I'm awesome."

• 35:12Speaker 02

  Can we hear his joke? He's got an infamous Popeye's joke.

• 35:14Sam Morril?

  Let's hear it.

• 35:15Mark Normand?

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• 35:59Mark Normand?

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• 36:41Mark Normand?

  That's an additional $50 off bundles with code WMBD at whisker.com/wmbd.

• 36:48Sam Morril?

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• 37:31Sam Morril?

  This is, uh, normal now, guys, this is great, and this is easy, no doctor appointment, this is how you do it, and it'll get rid of a problem you have, like that, perfect. Hims.com/drunk, not available in all 50 states, prescription required, see website for details, restrictions, and important safety information. Saldanha Phil is a generic version of Viagra. Viagra is a registered trademark of Viagra Specialty LLC. Hims is not affiliated with or endorsed by Viagra.

• 38:00Speaker 04

  I'm next, the woman in front of me is ordering, and this is a woman, this is like a woman in her 60s, this is kind of a witty-ish, witty-toyish uptown woman, she's got some jewelry on, and a black cocktail dress, and she orders $400 worth of chicken. That's all the chicken, that's, God, that's enough chicken to fit, and she orders all this chicken in one breath, and she's grabbing, and the girl behind the counter hates life right now. She's just been ringing it on her eyes half shut, and she finishes, reflects, the girl responds, "Will that be for here or to go?"

• 38:36Speaker 02

  16 years ago.

• 38:37Speaker 04

  And this, and there's no way, there's no way she could be with enough people to eat all that chicken, it's physically impossible. If this happened to you or me, you'd have blown it off, it would have been the stone to do this funniest thing ever later. But not this woman. She must right the wrong, she has just been witness to, she tears into this, and he goes, "Well, I should certainly hope that's to go, that's enough food to feed an entire party full of people." Did you know that I'm having a party, I'm having a party, did you know that this is the food for the party? Did you, and I'm here alone, I'm alone, did you think, did you think that I'm just going to order $400 worth of chicken and then sit here by myself and eat all this chicken like it was chicken day or something? And this was a special occasion for me, and I was going to see my friends later, and everyone would say, "How was chicken day?"

• 39:22Speaker 02

  He needs to land his plane.

• 39:23Mark Normand?

  I'm nervous now, I gotta talk this guy up.

• 39:25Speaker 04

  Do you think that's what I do with my day? Do you think that that's what's going on? Do you think that's how I spend my time? And without missing a beat, eyes still half shut. The girl behind the counter looks back and says the symbol most brilliant thing I've ever heard in my entire life. She says, "Bitch, I don't know your life."

• 39:45Mark Normand?

  Pause break. But see, like-

• 39:48Sam Morril?

  You've come a long way, Mark.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  That's your sliding doors moment.

• 39:52Sam Morril?

  Mark's in the crowd like, "If only someday."

• 39:56Mark Normand?

  I don't give a shit, I'm the guy, he's dead.

• 39:58Sam Morril?

  I know, but you've never had a setup that was one and a half minutes.

• 40:02Mark Normand?

  No, but again, this is the 90s.

• 40:03Sam Morril?

  I know, I know.

• 40:04Mark Normand?

  Literally, the late 90s.

• 40:06Sam Morril?

  But it is hilarious.

• 40:07Mark Normand?

  Look at the jacket, look at the shirt.

• 40:08Sam Morril?

  The vibe.

• 40:09Mark Normand?

  And just the act out and the confidence.

• 40:10Sam Morril?

  And he had a swag, I'll give him that.

• 40:13Mark Normand?

  He's got a swag.

• 40:13Sam Morril?

  He's got a swag, for sure. But it's so funny, because I was there too. There are guys I saw at open mics that I was like, oh my god, this guy's incredible. And then I, I'm like, I thought that guy was funny?

• 40:21Mark Normand?

  I know, I know.

• 40:22Sam Morril?

  Like, some of them are fucking horrible.

• 40:24Mark Normand?

  And to my credit.

• 40:25Sam Morril?

  Because I was horrible, so my, so, but you, live comedy, there is something about it where you're in the room.

• 40:29Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 40:29Sam Morril?

  You feel an energy, and sometimes the bit wasn't good, but there was a, there was a confidence and like a swagger to certain guys.

• 40:35Mark Normand?

  Completely.

• 40:36Sam Morril?

  I remember thinking like, this guy's got it.

• 40:38Mark Normand?

  Look at that, it looks like the lead singer of something right there, you know? Like, so as a young kid, he's going, and this lady said the cra- and I'm like, oh baby, give it to me hard. I was like, I was loving it.

• 40:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but you know what, you were like at open mics, you were nervous as fuck.

• 40:52Mark Normand?

  Yes, I was.

• 40:53Sam Morril?

  And that, and that's a good thing.

• 40:54Mark Normand?

  That's true, and I had paper, this guy never wrote anything down.

• 40:57Sam Morril?

  You don't want to be this swaggy as an open mic'er.

• 40:59Mark Normand?

  But I will say. I've hung out with this dude since then, because you know, comedy, you start, you, you get into comedy, you just hang out with everybody immediately. We got drunk, he was fucking hilarious, hanging out at the bar, he would hold court.

• 41:10Sam Morril?

  I heard his Popeye story, it's fucking.

• 41:12Mark Normand?

  But he would hold court, he was funny and great, and he was, uh, he would put them back, and we had a great time. And he was like the leader of the group, you know, so. Yeah, when you're young, you see a guy do that whole act out, and you're like, damn, this guy's got balls, he's up there, he's so vulnerable, blah blah blah, so.

• 41:25Sam Morril?

  Oh dude, I, I knew a guy, this guy Glenn Coyle, I've probably told this story before, but he was so funny, he was, I don't know if anything exists of him, but he was, he made me laugh so hard. He was like, he was, he's passed away too, he was huge drunk.

• 41:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 41:35Sam Morril?

  He was so fun to be around, and I remember he had a joke, he goes, my, my girlfriend got Lou Gehrig's disease, so I traded her.

• 41:42Mark Normand?

  Nice, succinct.

• 41:44Sam Morril?

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• 42:01Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 42:02Sam Morril?

  Organic cotton, merino wool, you know I love merino wool.

• 42:05Mark Normand?

  That's the best wool.

• 42:06Sam Morril?

  That's that wool, keeps your feet nice and warm in the winter.

• 42:09Mark Normand?

  Very nice.

• 42:10Sam Morril?

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• 42:37Mark Normand?

  Very good.

• 42:37Sam Morril?

  I, I wear their shit all the time.

• 42:39Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love Quince.

• 42:40Sam Morril?

  I love it, dude, I, it's quality, it fits right, and it's not expensive, I, I love it. And I like what, like, it's not the logo everywhere on it.

• 42:47Mark Normand?

  Yeah, true, true.

• 42:48Sam Morril?

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• 43:08Mark Normand?

  Thank you.

• 43:10Speaker 05

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• 43:39Mark Normand?

  Tight joke, compared to the Popeyes.

• 43:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, he had some funny, some funny shit, but, and he's a great dude, but, you, you never forget those guys you start out with.

• 43:46Mark Normand?

  Totally, totally.

• 43:47Sam Morril?

  They make a huge impact, especially when you see this guy that's funny, and they're, and they're usually were cool.

• 43:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 43:52Sam Morril?

  We all remember those guys at mics that could be a dick, but usually, you're impressed with them and they feel that.

• 43:59Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 44:00Sam Morril?

  They, they're welcoming.

• 44:02Mark Normand?

  And not only was he cool, he was, I like, was like, oh my god, he's talking to me. How funny is that, like, I was at a bar going, Chris Fontana's taking the time to talk to me, this is crazy, he's like, giving me attention, and it felt good.

• 44:14Speaker 02

  Right now, there's a kid in Greece like, one day, I'm gonna be like him.

• 44:19Mark Normand?

  And then he saw him. Uh, this is not Russian humor, but yeah.

• 44:25Sam Morril?

  I know why, they were expecting Russian humor, by the way.

• 44:27Mark Normand?

  I know, right? Aren't you part, like, aren't you descendant?

• 44:31Sam Morril?

  It's like, my, like, 23 and me is like Polish, Ukrainian, like, pretty much any place Hitler steamrolled, that's me. Little Czech is Levacian in there, yeah, Jew.

• 44:42Mark Normand?

  Alright, well you won in the end.

• 44:43Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we did alright.

• 44:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:45Sam Morril?

  Hey, hey, we're alright, you know? But, uh, yeah, not, not Russian.

• 44:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 44:52Sam Morril?

  But I guess that line's all blurred anyway, from back then.

• 44:54Mark Normand?

  But hey, it shows, like, your, your panic attack, my panic, it shows how far we've come.

• 44:58Sam Morril?

  Well, I was just on the, I just can't handle weed, it was just like shit, like.

• 45:02Mark Normand?

  Oh yeah.

• 45:02Sam Morril?

  I had one also in college where I just, it was always weed-related, it was always like freakouts, like, I was bad with, the, the, the one in Baltimore on the hotel floor, I was like shaking, I was like, the, the room is shaking. One of those, where you're like, oh, I'm gonna die. That's, that's what I, you know, we'll say it's like a panic attack, the others were just like, a lot of, like, heavy self-doubt.

• 45:24Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 45:25Sam Morril?

  But, which I have sober, I don't need to smoke a fucking joint for it, but, uh, yeah, I was like, I'm having a heart attack, I'm gonna die, and my girlfriend at the time was like, you're having a panic attack, you're okay. It was like, you know, you see why you need someone, but I'm like, usually don't need that for, for weed.

• 45:41Mark Normand?

  Well, I think that's why we look up, because I've been getting into, really into history, and you start learning about Washington, all these guys, and you're like, how are they up at the front lines, holding a sword, with like, you know, the British Army not having a panic attack? I think that's why we look up to, Jalen Brunson is down 29 points with four minutes. Composure, and it's the pressure, and they're still delivering. That's unbelievable, I had a math test knock me down, you know?

• 46:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but that fucking crackhead, she lifted you up.

• 46:07Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 46:08Sam Morril?

  That's big.

• 46:09Mark Normand?

  Hope she's alright out there.

• 46:10Sam Morril?

  I hope so.

• 46:11Mark Normand?

  She wasn't bad-looking, but she just was, you know, I think she had a black eye, I mean, it was a, it was a, it was a tough time out there.

• 46:18Sam Morril?

  Fuck, that's bad.

• 46:19Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 46:20Sam Morril?

  Hopefully, yeah, hopefully people get sober, you see it in the country, man, you see a lot of people tweak that, I feel like I see less in New York than I did for a while.

• 46:27Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I think so too.

• 46:29Sam Morril?

  But who knows?

• 46:30Mark Normand?

  There was a while, when I lived in the Village on Manetta, I would walk down and I'd see like, oh, there's a guy doing crack in like a little alcove, I saw that all the time, I saw Needles all the time.

• 46:38Sam Morril?

  We used to see it like right outside the studio, right, all the time.

• 46:41Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 46:41Sam Morril?

  I mean, yeah, I used to live next to a halfway house, so I would just see it, a lot of those dudes, some of them were getting better, you know, but then some, you know? Got to put it somewhere, you know?

• 46:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, shit.

• 46:55Sam Morril?

  I'm at the halfway house, not the needle.

• 46:59Mark Normand?

  Not in my backyard.

• 47:00Sam Morril?

  No, not in my backyard, but, uh.

• 47:02Mark Normand?

  Well, what do you think of LeBron's? I kept.

• 47:03Sam Morril?

  Going to the Sixers?

• 47:04Mark Normand?

  I kept staring at the LeBron story, and I was like, there's a joke here, and somebody got it.

• 47:08Sam Morril?

  What was it?

• 47:08Mark Normand?

  Somebody tweeted it, and I stared at it for hours.

• 47:10Sam Morril?

  What was the joke?

• 47:11Mark Normand?

  I thought it was gonna be something about flopping, I was like, the jokes would be like, you can't flop in a helicopter, bombed.

• 47:16Speaker 02

  Because he's gonna live in New York and then fly every game to Philadelphia, which seems insane.

• 47:21Sam Morril?

  That's what J.J. Reddick did.

• 47:22Speaker 02

  Oh really?

• 47:23Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 47:23Sam Morril?

  He lived in Brooklyn, yeah, what, what was the joke?

• 47:26Mark Normand?

  The best tweet I saw was, and I wish I knew to give him credit, but he said, uh, it sucks so much living in Philly, you'd rather risk your life than live there, or something like that.

• 47:36Sam Morril?

  There was another good one too, it's, yeah, it's crazy he went there, but I mean, yeah, if the Celtics don't trade Jalen Brown to the Sixers, this doesn't happen, so, if you're a Philly fan, enjoy, I mean, you're gonna have a good team for at least a year or two.

• 47:47Mark Normand?

  What is it, Embiid?

• 47:48Sam Morril?

  If he can stay healthy.

• 47:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, he wants the, he wants one more champion, but he's bouncing around, LA, Miami, Cleveland, uh, he's jumping around like a convicted priest.

• 47:59Sam Morril?

  This is four, this is his fourth stop.

• 48:02Speaker 02

  This is the one I thought was the best one, it's our pal, Elon Altman.

• 48:05Sam Morril?

  What'd he say?

• 48:06Speaker 02

  LeBron's the first person to move from Bel Air to West Philadelphia.

• 48:10Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's good.

• 48:10Mark Normand?

  That's good, I'd send him a nice text on that one, well played.

• 48:13Sam Morril?

  Is there, yeah, are there any other bangers?

• 48:15Speaker 02

  Let's see.

• 48:16Sam Morril?

  Yeah, LeBron, uh, yeah, I mean, I'm kinda happy that, because if the Knicks lose the championship, he's definitely a Knick.

• 48:24Mark Normand?

  Really?

• 48:24Sam Morril?

  Definitely, I, I think, I think it was probably mutual that he didn't want to come as badly, because they won.

• 48:30Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 48:31Sam Morril?

  Because it's not as cool a story if they lose.

• 48:33Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 48:34Sam Morril?

  And then, the Knicks were like, we're good.

• 48:36Mark Normand?

  Yep.

• 48:36Sam Morril?

  Right, we got our squad, but, uh, yeah, it's cool that our first championship in 53 years, he can't like claim it, it's, it's our, it's our guys.

• 48:45Mark Normand?

  Yes, exactly. I'm sure they didn't want him either, right? They don't want that guy in the green room or the locker room?

• 48:50Sam Morril?

  I, I think you're such a comic.

• 48:53Mark Normand?

  They don't want that guy on stage.

• 48:54Sam Morril?

  They auditioned him for the team, and it didn't, but, uh, no, he, I think probably chemistry was a, he's still good.

• 49:01Mark Normand?

  Sure, sure.

• 49:02Sam Morril?

  I think chemistry was probably a concern, would be my guess.

• 49:04Speaker 02

  Is that Philly team a threat now?

• 49:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, they're good, I mean, we swept their fucking ass this year, but they lost. Uh, they traded Paul George, who was kind of a negative, for Jalen Brown, and they got LeBron. So if their health, and they got Tyrese Maxey, who's a stud, and VJ Edgecombe is a good young player. They added this guy Dean Wade from Cleveland, who's really good defensively. They're deep. They added, uh, this guy Simons, who's a good shooter. They're, they're gonna be a tough team, for sure. I think, it's all about like, health, you never know, but on paper, they're really good.

• 49:33Mark Normand?

  Uh, do you kinda feel like, as a diehard Knicks fan, we got the win, took 53 years, we got it. We're good for a while. Like, if they have a bad season, it's not the end of the world. Obviously, you don't want them to have a bad season, but you got the win.

• 49:45Sam Morril?

  Uh, yeah, I'm, oh, yes and no. I'm, I'm good for life, kinda, cuz that was so epic. But at the same time, like, we have a short window with these guys.

• 49:53Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 49:53Sam Morril?

  So I hope they can like, at least make, if they don't win, at least make some noise the next couple of years. I think they could.

• 49:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah. So come on in to the pod, boys. Uh, Jalen.

• 50:02Sam Morril?

  Josh, come on down.

• 50:03Mark Normand?

  Sorry, I called you boy, but you know what I'm saying, you know?

• 50:06Sam Morril?

  Boys is different.

• 50:07Mark Normand?

  Boys, with a Z.

• 50:08Sam Morril?

  Boys is different than.

• 50:09Mark Normand?

  Yes. Come on down, we'd love to have you. Tell us about your experience, and tell Shazmat to lower the price.

• 50:16Speaker 02

  Oh, did you see this thing about SGA being gay?

• 50:18Sam Morril?

  Shamit?

• 50:19Mark Normand?

  Shamit. Shamwow.

• 50:20Sam Morril?

  Shazmat. What the fuck was that? I'm like the Mark Whisperer, I'm like, wait, what the fuck was that? Shazmat.

• 50:27Mark Normand?

  Hey, you hear my Han Solo to Wookiee. Uh, you speak Norman.

• 50:33Mark Normand?

  I'm a Chewbacca.

• 50:33Sam Morril?

  They're here, I'm like, he says hello.

• 50:35Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I'm like, goo.

• 50:38Sam Morril?

  What, what?

• 50:38Speaker 02

  So someone found SGA's Grindr account.

• 50:41Sam Morril?

  No way.

• 50:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:42Mark Normand?

  Get outta here.

• 50:43Sam Morril?

  He's too high-profile to be on Grindr.

• 50:46Mark Normand?

  Also, he doesn't need it.

• 50:48Sam Morril?

  No.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  There it is.

• 50:50Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 50:52Speaker 02

  Bang.

• 50:53Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna guess this isn't real.

• 50:56Mark Normand?

  Can you pull up the gay, straight guys?

• 50:59Speaker 02

  Yes, sir.

• 50:59Mark Normand?

  This is my favorite thing on the internet, and you must have seen this.

• 51:02Sam Morril?

  What is this?

• 51:02Mark Normand?

  I don't wanna ruin it, but there's a guy who goes to a man on the street, like in.

• 51:06Sam Morril?

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:07Mark Normand?

  On the strip or somewhere.

• 51:08Sam Morril?

  Would you rather, uh, a gay guy lose his wifi, or that one?

• 51:12Mark Normand?

  No, I haven't seen that. Now I gotta see that.

• 51:14Sam Morril?

  Would you rather have a thousand dollars, or a gay guy loses wifi, and they just, and then it just makes your phone glitch? Like, it stops, it stops, uh, loading, so it's like, oh, I'm the gay guy. That's a, it's a good joke, yeah.

• 51:26Mark Normand?

  This is the most brilliant comedy thing I've seen in years.

• 51:29Speaker 06

  Do you think this guy is gay or straight?

• 51:32Speaker 06

  Oh. Gay. Gay? What, what makes you say that? He just has a gay persona. Are you gay or straight?

• 51:38Mark Normand?

  Yeah, this.

• 51:39Speaker 06

  Do you think other people would think that?

• 51:40Mark Normand?

  This one's brilliant.

• 51:41Speaker 06

  Do you think this guy is gay or straight?

• 51:47Speaker 06

  What makes you say that?

• 51:48Speaker 07

  Uh, I don't know, he looks too happy.

• 51:50Speaker 06

  Wait, he can't look happy?

• 51:51Mark Normand?

  No.

• 51:52Speaker 07

  Well, no, I don't know, be honest with you, it would be just a guess.

• 51:55Sam Morril?

  That's Jeffrey Epstein, what the fuck?

• 51:56Mark Normand?

  I know, right?

• 51:57Speaker 07

  It's close.

• 51:57Speaker 06

  Now, are you gay or straight?

• 51:59Speaker 07

  I'm straight.

• 51:59Speaker 06

  Do you think other people would think that?

• 52:01Speaker 07

  I have no idea, but the good thing about me is, I don't care.

• 52:04Speaker 06

  Do you think this guy is gay or straight?

• 52:09Speaker 06

  Honestly, I think the interviewer gay, cuz he's a grown man, why you ask if there's another nigga gay? Are you gay or straight?

• 52:15Mark Normand?

  This, this is, this is not the original guy. The original guy is better, but the genius of this bit is, it taps into the male ego. Cuz you go, oh, that guy's a homo, I'm the shit. But then everyone else thinks you're the homo. I mean, it's brilliant.

• 52:29Speaker 06

  What makes you say that? Guy posing. You could just tell. Are you gay or straight? I'm straight. Do you think other people would think that? I don't give a fuck what nobody else think. Does this guy look gay or straight?

• 52:41Sam Morril?

  You know what he does? You saw this video?

• 52:43Speaker 06

  You look gay to me, like, man to man.

• 52:45Mark Normand?

  And they never not say gay. They say gay every time. I mean, this, I'm on the floor of my apartment, howling, watching this shit. Uh, good times. You need some N-word in there. When they say the N-word, it's funnier.

• 52:58Sam Morril?

  That is true.

• 52:59Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 52:59Sam Morril?

  It's, it's like a punctuation, it's like a nice little exclamation point.

• 53:02Mark Normand?

  Man.

• 53:03Speaker 02

  I mean, look at this photo.

• 53:05Mark Normand?

  They found the right photo, I'll give them that.

• 53:07Speaker 02

  That's him acting straight.

• 53:08Sam Morril?

  You can, you can screenshot us and make us.

• 53:10Mark Normand?

  Of course, of course.

• 53:11Sam Morril?

  Bring it up. Hold on, let's, let's do a face like.

• 53:16Mark Normand?

  I, I'm blowing Bobby at one point on this table, like, uh, we've done it all.

• 53:20Sam Morril?

  You just freeze-frame on the right thing.

• 53:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:24Sam Morril?

  It's pretty easy to make us look gay.

• 53:26Mark Normand?

  By the way, speaking of those, uh, internet videos, some guy made one about me, and he's like, the comedian, other comedians hate. And, uh, and it was me, and I was like, ah, gee, here we go. So I read the description, and it's just a list of people I farted on. And I was like, oh, all right, I'll handle that, that's good stuff.

• 53:43Sam Morril?

  Pretty good.

• 53:44Mark Normand?

  I'll take it, but it's like a picture of Barkazi, like. And it's a picture of Louis, like, you know, and it's all these guys.

• 53:50Sam Morril?

  Did you fart on Louis?

• 53:51Mark Normand?

  I did, yeah. You don't know the story?

• 53:52Sam Morril?

  Not on the, yeah, I know that story. I thought, I thought you, not on the episode.

• 53:55Mark Normand?

  No, no, no, no.

• 53:56Sam Morril?

  No, I know the hotel story.

• 53:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah. I wanted to fart on him here to get redemption, but I didn't have anything cooking.

• 54:01Speaker 02

  Redemption would be him farting on you, not you farting on him again.

• 54:03Mark Normand?

  Well, maybe callback?

• 54:04Sam Morril?

  Callback, yes. Redemption. I thought I'd, you know, I'd even the score by farting on him twice.

• 54:12Mark Normand?

  Ah, well, you know what I mean, I wanted to keep it going. Yeah.

• 54:16Sam Morril?

  That was, that was a hot app, man, the Louis app. People like the Louis app, right?

• 54:19Mark Normand?

  Over half a million.

• 54:20Speaker 02

  Half a million?

• 54:21Sam Morril?

  Is it?

• 54:21Mark Normand?

  Over half a million, yeah, oh, yeah. Not including the audio.

• 54:25Speaker 02

  We do a thing on the show called Working on Any Bits?

• 54:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  Are you guys working on any bits?

• 54:29Sam Morril?

  I got a few ideas.

• 54:30Mark Normand?

  All right, I got some ideas.

• 54:31Sam Morril?

  I had one idea about how, like, I went to the dog park the other day, uh, I couldn't get in, you need a dog to get in. You know, they, they just sign you to get in. Went to the kid park, same thing, I go, that's a, that's a fair rule.

• 54:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 54:43Sam Morril?

  You should have to have a kid to get in.

• 54:44Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 54:45Sam Morril?

  Cuz they're different, you know, like, uh, you can like, go up to someone, be like, hey, can I pet your dog? I've never go up to someone's kid, like, may I? You know, I said, you know, you, you want your dog to get groomed.

• 54:55Mark Normand?

  Hey, this is good.

• 54:57Sam Morril?

  I need like, one more, but it's like, close.

• 54:59Mark Normand?

  There's a lot here, yeah.

• 55:00Sam Morril?

  Yeah, kid park versus dog park.

• 55:02Mark Normand?

  Hmm.

• 55:04Sam Morril?

  Uh, yeah, well, cuz they were like, side by side, we just went to.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  Oh, a pocketful of treats?

• 55:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:09Sam Morril?

  Pocketful of treats is fun.

• 55:10Mark Normand?

  Oh, how about this? How big's it gonna get? You always say that with a dog, you know, or like, how old? How old, uh, maybe, oh, maybe a girl could be like, this is my son, he's a rescue. Yeah, you get the rescue line in there. He's adopted, he's a rescue.

• 55:26Sam Morril?

  Adopted, he's a rescue. There's a lot to play with.

• 55:28Mark Normand?

  There's a lot here, yeah.

• 55:29Sam Morril?

  I'll, I'll noodle with it tonight. I got something last night, for sure.

• 55:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, cuz it's okay to say, I love dogs, I'm a dog lover, and not have a dog.

• 55:38Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 55:38Mark Normand?

  But you can't not have a kid and be like, I love kids.

• 55:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's the line, that's the, that's the angle, yeah. I love, uh, I love dogs.

• 55:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 55:46Sam Morril?

  Do you have one? No. I love kids, you have one? Mm-mm. That's, that's how, maybe that's it.

• 55:52Mark Normand?

  That's funny.

• 55:52Sam Morril?

  It's right there, all right, it's close, all right.

• 55:54Mark Normand?

  Hey, yeah, this is, uh, an inch and a way.

• 55:56Sam Morril?

  I'm gonna take it back, I've been to Cellar every night, so it's been helpful.

• 55:59Mark Normand?

  All right, now tell me this, I'm very happy with this line, and I think I can add to it, but I'm so nervous it's been done.

• 56:06Sam Morril?

  Okay.

• 56:08Mark Normand?

  So I was looking at, uh.

• 56:11Sam Morril?

  It's Mulaney's Law and Order bit?

• 56:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah. He been packing trucks.

• 56:15Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 56:15Mark Normand?

  I have a bit about like LGBTQ, blah, blah, and then it hit me like, it's weird that gay, there's gay men and gay women, but we have the word lesbian. Why can't it just be gay men and gay women? Why do we need the word lesbian? Then I realized, oh, cuz gay means happy.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 56:33Mark Normand?

  It kills, it kills. And then I say a couple other things, like, I ran that joke by my lesbian friend, she hated it, which checks out, and that kills. So it's got, it's got legs, but I'm so worried it's been done. That feels right there, gay means happy.

• 56:46Sam Morril?

  I haven't, I've heard gay means happy as a line, that's the only fear I have, I mean.

• 56:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah. But then, everybody knows lesbians are bummed out, you know, that's a stereotype.

• 56:54Sam Morril?

  You gotta Google it, I think.

• 56:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I guess so.

• 56:56Sam Morril?

  But it's, but it's, it's a funny line.

• 56:58Mark Normand?

  Yeah, all right, thanks, it's, it's hitting.

• 57:00Sam Morril?

  Cuz gay means happy.

• 57:01Mark Normand?

  It's getting, it's getting one of those laughs where they're like, oh.

• 57:04Sam Morril?

  The reluctant laugh, I love the reluctant laugh.

• 57:06Mark Normand?

  I love reluctant. So I'm happy with it, but, yeah, I'll, I'll play with it.

• 57:10Sam Morril?

  You're gay with it. All right, what else you got? Oh, should I try one?

• 57:12Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you go, you go.

• 57:13Sam Morril?

  I think it's, let me see, um, what I have?

• 57:17Mark Normand?

  He's liking that one.

• 57:19Sam Morril?

  You like that one?

• 57:20Speaker 02

  I did.

• 57:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I think it's worth Googling, but it's funny.

• 57:22Mark Normand?

  All right, I'm too scared to Google it, cuz I got nailed with South Park. Everybody's like, that's the South Park bit, the last one I did.

• 57:27Sam Morril?

  Really?

• 57:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 57:28Speaker 02

  Undercover cop.

• 57:29Mark Normand?

  The one about undercover cops doing anal, um.

• 57:32Sam Morril?

  How'd that go again?

• 57:33Mark Normand?

  I said, it's weird that gay sex used to be considered, that was illegal. And I go, how the hell do cops enforce that? Was there one undercover cop in a hotel room, like, you're under arrest, you know, like, after they got fucked?

• 57:42Sam Morril?

  Oh, I remember that South Park, actually.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  What happened?

• 57:45Sam Morril?

  But it wasn't gay, it was just, oh, it was gay, it was, fuck.

• 57:48Mark Normand?

  Well, South Park's is a little different, I look, I watched it, so I don't know where to go here, but it's, uh, South Park is a, a cop dresses a prostitute. And the frat house take, you know, buys the prostitute and fucks one of the guys, and then she, uh, he was like, he's under arrest for prostitution. And all the cops are like, Bob, don't you think you're taking this little far, you're at the frat house? And then he goes, give me an evidence bag. And he shits out all the jizz, cuz it's South Park.

• 58:15Sam Morril?

  They don't miss.

• 58:16Mark Normand?

  They don't miss. And they're like, Bob, I think you gotta cool it with this, uh, this, this tactic.

• 58:20Sam Morril?

  I remember it now, I remember that, dude, it happened to me with a joke once, back in the day, I had a joke about how like, Halloween is the best day for registered sex offenders to knock on your door.

• 58:28Mark Normand?

  That's a great joke.

• 58:29Sam Morril?

  SNL did a sketch about it, so I had to just drop it.

• 58:32Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 58:32Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I mean, that's how it happens, you gotta research it. I, I had this idea, I have a whole abortion chunk that's hitting, and I have this one line, I'm trying to tweak this one line about how, uh, someone told me they got an abortion for $800, and I was like, I think that's a good price, because it shouldn't be the, the price part that you regret.

• 58:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:49Sam Morril?

  But you shouldn't be leaving the clinic like, that was a fucking rip. I got fucked twice.

• 58:53Mark Normand?

  Right, yeah, that's good.

• 58:55Sam Morril?

  It didn't do great last night, but I think there's something there, yeah, it was at the end, it might have been too many abortion jokes. I have like, a morning after, cuz the others are killing, and then, you know.

• 59:04Mark Normand?

  Abortion jokes still hit a nerve with people, I've noticed. You think like, hey, this progressive city, abortion's legal, but they still, I don't know, maybe it's like an internal thing, a primal thing, but it still bothers people.

• 59:15Sam Morril?

  Um, yeah, there's something there, I'll, I've had some other ideas, hold on, let me look.

• 59:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, give me, give me a quickie.

• 59:21Sam Morril?

  A quickie.

• 59:23Mark Normand?

  I got another quickie, too.

• 59:24Sam Morril?

  I got a couple quickies, um.

• 59:28Sam Morril?

  I got a quickie. I don't know if I've ever brought this one here. I feel like it's close. I read this headline that said, "Teacher molested seven schools at a $60,000 a year high school." And I was like, "I don't know if you need to put the price in there. I don't think that's the part that's the issue."

• 59:44Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 59:45Sam Morril?

  Is anyone like, "Look, this school's tuition-free, so if your kid gets fucked, it's on you."

• 59:48Mark Normand?

  Oh, that's good.

• 59:50Sam Morril?

  There's something to that, maybe?

• 59:50Mark Normand?

  That's good, yeah.

• 59:52Sam Morril?

  I have too many pedo jokes.

• 59:53Mark Normand?

  I do, too. It's my bread and butter. Look at what I give the kids. But yeah, yeah, I got a lot of them, too.

• 1:00:02Sam Morril?

  It's like fucking close.

• 1:00:03Mark Normand?

  That's really good. No, I think there's a lot there.

• 1:00:05Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what else you got?

• 1:00:08Mark Normand?

  You know, no one ever goes, "Hey, my kid got in this really good school. He's not gonna get fucked." You know, no one ever goes, "My kid's going to public school. He's a goner."

• 1:00:16Sam Morril?

  It's a free-for-all.

• 1:00:17Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:18Sam Morril?

  What else you got?

• 1:00:20Mark Normand?

  Is this anything? So, my wife is always like, "You gotta cool it with the ego. I hate the male ego, male ego." And I was like, "Men do have a big ego." Like, I could say to the room, "Everybody, every guy in this room thinks they're attractive, and I'm looking at you. There's a lot of ugos out there, whatever." Every guy thinks they could land the plane if the pilot passes out, like, "I could do this." That's the male ego. And I go, "Men have to lie to themselves because women don't compliment us." Ladies, we compliment you." And my wife goes, "Yeah, but we don't lie to ourselves." And I go, "No, no, we lie to you." And that hit.

• 1:00:52Sam Morril?

  That's good.

• 1:00:53Mark Normand?

  But it's a lot of mouthful there.

• 1:00:54Sam Morril?

  What about, "We don't lie to ourselves"? Makeup.

• 1:00:57Mark Normand?

  Oh, shit.

• 1:00:58Sam Morril?

  That's a lie.

• 1:00:58Mark Normand?

  That's a good point, yeah.

• 1:00:59Sam Morril?

  Although I guess you're not, you're like, "I have to cover this up."

• 1:01:03Mark Normand?

  Exactly, so you're kind of keeping it real. But we lie to women. "Yeah, do I like fantasy?" "No, no." I mean, it's the go-to is to lie to women. It'd be stupid not to lie to women.

• 1:01:11Sam Morril?

  Does your wife never compliment you?

• 1:01:13Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:01:14Sam Morril?

  Never?

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  Never.

• 1:01:15Mark Normand?

  Yours either?

• 1:01:16Speaker 02

  Never.

• 1:01:16Mark Normand?

  No?

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:01:17Mark Normand?

  And I'm not mad at her.

• 1:01:18Sam Morril?

  My girlfriend compliments me all the time.

• 1:01:19Speaker 02

  What kind of compliments you get?

• 1:01:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, what are we talking?

• 1:01:21Sam Morril?

  Like, "You're the best, you're so..." Like, all the time, like, it's non-stop.

• 1:01:24Mark Normand?

  What?

• 1:01:25Sam Morril?

  Yeah. Is that weird?

• 1:01:26Mark Normand?

  I think that means she wants you to do it to her.

• 1:01:28Sam Morril?

  I do do it to her.

• 1:01:29Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay. Well, then shit, I've never had a woman compliment me.

• 1:01:32Sam Morril?

  I don't think any of my exes did. Maybe this is a weird one.

• 1:01:36Mark Normand?

  No, I mean, hold on to this one.

• 1:01:37Sam Morril?

  No, all my exes did not compliment me, yeah. Yeah, she is actually a bird. She's not a woman.

• 1:01:43Mark Normand?

  Fucking a bird. Wah! I love that shirt. Yeah, but if she's compliment you, stick with it, because I don't... Peters, does your wife compliment you?

• 1:01:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:51Mark Normand?

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:01:52Sam Morril?

  I think it's not that weird.

• 1:01:54Mark Normand?

  Oh, okay, well, then that might kill the logic of the bit, then.

• 1:01:57Sam Morril?

  But it's like, maybe you're saying my wife never complimented me.

• 1:02:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah, maybe you're right.

• 1:02:01Sam Morril?

  But I like the line. Say the line one more time.

• 1:02:03Mark Normand?

  She's like, "Why do men lie to themselves? Women don't lie to themselves." I'm like, "You don't have to. We lie to you." You know?

• 1:02:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah, we're picking up your slack.

• 1:02:11Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  I gotta break in. Jim Jefferies has your joke.

• 1:02:16Mark Normand?

  Shut up.

• 1:02:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, remember he did that thing about like, two lesbians? And then he says at the end, "It's because gay means happy."

• 1:02:23Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:02:24Speaker 02

  It's right there.

• 1:02:25Mark Normand?

  Damn, I had a new bit killing.

• 1:02:27Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:02:28Mark Normand?

  What a bummer. Well, thank you. Good to know, because I don't want Reddit kicking my ass over Jim Jefferies.

• 1:02:32Sam Morril?

  My next bit is about taking my friend with muscular dystrophy to the brothel, so this is a bummer.

• 1:02:37Mark Normand?

  Got a bit of a gun control here.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  Do your Popeyes material.

• 1:02:43Mark Normand?

  Salcoos goes off on Chris Montana. We love you, Chris.

• 1:02:48Sam Morril?

  Jim Jefferies is a prolific dude.

• 1:02:50Mark Normand?

  Yeah, damn it.

• 1:02:51Sam Morril?

  Great, great comic.

• 1:02:52Mark Normand?

  Same line, well, great minds, I'll chalk it up to great minds.

• 1:02:55Sam Morril?

  Yeah, yeah. It's better to hear that than like, Mencia has that bit. Which he took from Jefferies.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  It says you like the post.

• 1:03:03Mark Normand?

  Shut up.

• 1:03:04Sam Morril?

  Yes!

• 1:03:06Sam Morril?

  Salcoos goes off.

• 1:03:08Mark Normand?

  I do love the bit about the lesbian marriage.

• 1:03:11Speaker 02

  That's it, and at the very end, it says that. There's a line at the right. You may have not gotten to the end.

• 1:03:14Mark Normand?

  I never watched the whole thing.

• 1:03:15Sam Morril?

  It's good before you get really attached to it.

• 1:03:16Mark Normand?

  Oh, god. Wow. That's great to know. Shit. It's a bummer, but good to know.

• 1:03:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, "We lie to you." That's the crux of the bit, is like... So, what's the setup again?

• 1:03:27Mark Normand?

  Setup is like, she's talking about the male ego, because that airplane going down, that was a big, famous viral story. Like, eighty percent of men think of a pilot passes out, they could land an airplane.

• 1:03:37Sam Morril?

  You need examples of you lying to her, and then I think it's gotta come back to you being like, uh... Like, why we lie to ourselves? Because men do lie to ourselves.

• 1:03:48Mark Normand?

  We do, we really do. We go, "Yeah, look good."

• 1:03:51Sam Morril?

  Same thing, like, you know, if the terrorists took over this plane, I could do something.

• 1:03:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, totally.

• 1:03:56Sam Morril?

  But it's like, no, you couldn't.

• 1:03:57Mark Normand?

  No.

• 1:03:58Sam Morril?

  They'd shoot you immediately.

• 1:03:59Mark Normand?

  Exactly. I mean, we do it on the couch, like, "He missed that fucking touchdown. I would've made that touchdown," you know, shit like that.

• 1:04:04Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I remember I had a roommate who used to say like, "If I had paid a Manning's training, I could've made the NFL." And I was like, "He got the training because he was good, you idiot."

• 1:04:12Mark Normand?

  Ah, exactly. Training. It's hilarious.

• 1:04:16Sam Morril?

  No, you think that, like, you see a movie like about a badass, and you're like, "I could do that."

• 1:04:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:21Sam Morril?

  It's like, no, I could fucking watch it.

• 1:04:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah, we think we're John Wick. That's why we watch it. We go, "That's cool, I could do that." There's a little part of you. Mencia, believe it or not, he had that old joke where every guy walks out of a action movie and is like, "I can kick anybody's ass. I'm ready to fight anybody." Not his best joke, but I think he stole it from Bob Newhart.

• 1:04:43Mark Normand?

  But I'm just saying...

• 1:04:44Sam Morril?

  Well, it's like Eddie Murphy's bit about Rocky, when he's like, "You Italians get out there and you believe that shit."

• 1:04:49Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:04:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:50Mark Normand?

  Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez. I didn't know about this. It's a month old.

• 1:04:55Sam Morril?

  He was stealing money, too.

• 1:04:56Mark Normand?

  Oh, my god. Tweet it.

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, twelve, Carlos Mencia, twelve felony tax-related.

• 1:05:04Sam Morril?

  Wow.

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:05Mark Normand?

  Holy moly.

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  Eight point seven million in personal corporate income.

• 1:05:09Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:05:13Mark Normand?

  Holy shit, he stole Wesley Snipes' bit.

• 1:05:19Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:05:19Sam Morril?

  Damn. Clip that one. That was, that took a little clip there, Peters.

• 1:05:23Mark Normand?

  Yeah. All right, is it you? Yeah, I went. I did the ego thing.

• 1:05:26Sam Morril?

  I read this book on the Nuremberg Trials, and there's two ideas I have. One is, uh, I know, a light summary. But, uh, but, uh, one of it, one of the, uh, it's about Hans Frank, who's Hitler's attorney.

• 1:05:40Speaker 02

  Oh, my god.

• 1:05:41Sam Morril?

  And, uh, and how he was maybe gay. Like, his son thinks he's gay, and I told it to a friend. He was like, "Yeah, they're just saying that to ruin his reputation." And I was like, "I mean, he was a Nazi." Is that tipping the scales for anyone? Like, he was a Nazi, and I'm like, "Whatever," like, "Andy, fuck dude." You're like, "All right, screw that guy." And he's, like, it's even worse. So, that was part one, and then part two was, um, how his son grew up to be a prestigious journalist, and he would, uh, you know, he would go like, you know, right around the world, and he's part of this book, and he goes to a concentration camp, and someone asks him, "Did you lose your family in the Holocaust?"

• 1:06:20Sam Morril?

  And he said, "Actually, the opposite. My father's Hans Frank. He was one of the architects of the concentration camps. He was Hitler's attorney." And he walked away with great shame and guilt. And I was like, "Wow, if that were me, I would've just said no."

• 1:06:34Sam Morril?

  Like, "What the fuck? Why do you share that much, you psycho?" You're not helping, you're not helping anyone.

• 1:06:38Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:06:39Sam Morril?

  What do you want them to do with that information, you know?

• 1:06:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 1:06:43Sam Morril?

  So, I think there's something there, but the gay thing is the part that's like, I think it could be like, maybe better word, but it's like...

• 1:06:48Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:49Speaker 02

  I think if Hitler's, Hitler's like, "If I had a Jewish lawyer, I wouldn't be in this trouble."

• 1:06:53Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I thought about that, because there's something funny about like, them saying that Jews are inferior, and then they're just being prosecuted by all these fucking, super Jew lawyers. Like, these are like, literally the smartest lawyers they had. And they're like, "Fuck, they're actually not bad."

• 1:07:08Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:09Sam Morril?

  You know, or something like that. There's also something funny about like, gay or not. I don't know which way to go here, but like, gay and Nazi, it's like, either way, you're disappointing any father. One of those is gonna piss off any dad.

• 1:07:20Mark Normand?

  Yeah, well, it's gotta be the Jew lawyer thing. It's gotta be how the white supremacists feel when Jackie Robinson showed up.

• 1:07:26Sam Morril?

  Oh, that's funny.

• 1:07:28Mark Normand?

  "Oh, we're the superior race. We're better than them."

• 1:07:30Sam Morril?

  "We're pretty good at this."

• 1:07:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, right.

• 1:07:33Speaker 02

  Well, nineteen forty-seven, by the way.

• 1:07:35Mark Normand?

  Oh, is that right?

• 1:07:36Speaker 02

  Jackie Robinson was forty-seven.

• 1:07:38Mark Normand?

  And the trials?

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:39Sam Morril?

  Yeah, holy shit.

• 1:07:40Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:07:41Sam Morril?

  That's a good fucking movie, Forty-Two. It's a good sports movie.

• 1:07:46Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah, Jackie Robinson. I like the gay thing, too, like...

• 1:07:50Sam Morril?

  There's something to it, right?

• 1:07:52Mark Normand?

  Kumail had this great old bit where he said, uh...

• 1:07:54Speaker 02

  Maybe in fifty-seven, I'm sorry. Fifty-seven.

• 1:07:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's...

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, fifty-seven. Jackie's fifty-seven.

• 1:07:57Sam Morril?

  That makes more sense, I guess.

• 1:07:59Mark Normand?

  Uh, Kumail has a great bit about Dumbledore. J.K. Rowling made Dumbledore gay, and like, that pissed off a bunch of people, and everyone was like, "I can't believe he's gay." Like, "You can believe he's a wizard?"

• 1:08:08Sam Morril?

  That's Ted Alexandra.

• 1:08:09Mark Normand?

  Oh, is that Ted?

• 1:08:10Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:11Mark Normand?

  Uh-oh.

• 1:08:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it is Ted.

• 1:08:14Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:14Mark Normand?

  What am I thinking of? Ah, Kumail had a different Harry Potter bit, maybe. But yeah, you're right.

• 1:08:19Sam Morril?

  Between us, we got a pretty good encyclopedia.

• 1:08:21Mark Normand?

  Not bad, not bad.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  April forty-seven.

• 1:08:24Sam Morril?

  Oh, you were right.

• 1:08:25Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:08:26Sam Morril?

  Yeah, alright.

• 1:08:26Mark Normand?

  You heard my dad was born.

• 1:08:27Speaker 02

  Nuremberg Trials, right around then, too.

• 1:08:28Sam Morril?

  That's crazy that it was in forty-seven.

• 1:08:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:31Sam Morril?

  That must have been really fucking hard.

• 1:08:33Speaker 02

  Oh, I think he fought in the war, is that true? And he was like, I can't believe I get to fi- I have to fight in the war and I can't play baseball in my country.

• 1:08:39Sam Morril?

  A lot of those baseball players fought in the war.

• 1:08:40Mark Normand?

  All those guys did.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:41Sam Morril?

  Ted Williams lost three years of his prime.

• 1:08:43Mark Normand?

  Whoa.

• 1:08:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:45Sam Morril?

  Ted Williams was a fighter pilot.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  Crazy.

• 1:08:47Sam Morril?

  Twenty-ten vision.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  In Korea, too.

• 1:08:49Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:49Speaker 02

  He served in Korea as well.

• 1:08:51Sam Morril?

  He had kills.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  Oh?

• 1:08:52Sam Morril?

  He killed people.

• 1:08:53Speaker 02

  He killed people, oh, he's a bomber.

• 1:08:54Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but he had like crazy vision because, I mean, it's like, if you can bat four hundred, clearly you got insane eyesight.

• 1:09:00Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:01Sam Morril?

  But his whole unit, I think, was like crazy. I think it was like the best.

• 1:09:04Mark Normand?

  God, men, we're men. We're weak.

• 1:09:06Sam Morril?

  We're pussies.

• 1:09:07Mark Normand?

  We are, we really are. Like, going over, just going over there is a hassle. Like, I gotta go to fucking, you're in Germany? Uh, how long's that flight? Do, is it first class? No, you're actually on a plane in a bench with your thing hooked.

• 1:09:19Sam Morril?

  No, the flight gets delayed now and we're like.

• 1:09:21Mark Normand?

  I know.

• 1:09:22Sam Morril?

  Meanwhile, they're like, you have to go to war, and they're like, alright.

• 1:09:25Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:09:25Sam Morril?

  It's what men did.

• 1:09:26Mark Normand?

  You see the guys in the U-boats, I'm like, how many are in here? There's a lot of people. There's no cushion, it's all metal, like the raves.

• 1:09:32Sam Morril?

  Is there a meal?

• 1:09:33Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 1:09:34Sam Morril?

  That's my impression of a Jew on The Odyssey. Does anyone have Dramamine? Any of those wristbands? I'm seasick.

• 1:09:42Mark Normand?

  Isn't there dairy in this?

• 1:09:43Speaker 02

  Sam has a panic attack in Greece for fifteen minutes, that.

• 1:09:46Sam Morril?

  I know.

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:09:47Sam Morril?

  Not a panic attack, but I, no, I, I was fine there. I felt bad after The Cellar. That's when I feel bad. I feel bad when I have a, when I give them, I feel like a bad show. And I'm slipping. Cause you can't, that's the thing about The Cellar, is you can't help but compare yourself to other acts.

• 1:10:01Mark Normand?

  Sure.

• 1:10:01Sam Morril?

  And on the road, you're kind of free of that. Cause you have the cushion of your audience and you, you know, you sometimes watch the opener, but you're usually working on your shit, but I often see someone before me at The Cellar.

• 1:10:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:11Sam Morril?

  And if I, so I know if I got buried.

• 1:10:14Mark Normand?

  Totally, totally.

• 1:10:15Sam Morril?

  It's not healthy, but you're gonna compare yourself.

• 1:10:17Mark Normand?

  And whether we like it or not, the audience is doing it too. I see everybody walk out and go, the third guy was great. I didn't really like the, the one guy, but the, the second guy was awesome. They do it, it's just instinctively. But the road is great, too. I'm doing Jim Jeffries bits, I'm killing it.

• 1:10:31Mark Normand?

  Crushing with Jeffries. Won't happen again, Jim. I didn't know, even though I liked the bit, apparently. Uh, alright, shit, hold on, thought I had one. I can't find it. Uh. Uh, uh, uh.

• 1:10:50Mark Normand?

  It was a piggybacking on the gay thing. Uh. Feel free to cut, I can't think of it. Maybe it's in my phone.

• 1:10:59Sam Morril?

  This has been a great last episode. We have to do that, we have to do Last Drink every week now.

• 1:11:03Mark Normand?

  Totally.

• 1:11:04Sam Morril?

  This is it, guys. This is it.

• 1:11:06Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Uh. By the way, the right-left thing is working. About the right loves the country, the left hates the country, that whole thing.

• 1:11:16Speaker 02

  Can you set that one up for us? I don't remember.

• 1:11:18Mark Normand?

  I did it on the last ep, um.

• 1:11:20Sam Morril?

  Two eps ago.

• 1:11:21Mark Normand?

  And then Peters gave me the line, try it, try this, this food tastes weird, try it. And that's killing, so, kudos to you. Uh. Damn it.

• 1:11:33Sam Morril?

  There's always a couple I have that I'm like, this should work.

• 1:11:36Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:11:37Sam Morril?

  Funny, I was talking jokes with Matt Broussard, who's so mathematical about jokes.

• 1:11:40Mark Normand?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:11:40Sam Morril?

  He's a, you know, a very good joke writer, and he's like, that should work, and the, and I, and I.

• 1:11:45Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:46Sam Morril?

  And then I tried and it didn't work, and I was like, nah.

• 1:11:48Mark Normand?

  Nah.

• 1:11:49Sam Morril?

  I mean, it's, it sucks when you have a joke that people compliment and it just isn't working.

• 1:11:54Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:11:55Sam Morril?

  You're like, that was hilarious, like, it does, it works like thirty percent of the time.

• 1:11:59Mark Normand?

  I know, I have a few of those, too. It's so frustrating. Is this stupid? Just tell me this is stupid, I'll move on. So I got this kid, and it's weird that a lot of my rich friends I know have no kids, and a lot of my broke friends have five kids. And I'm like, what's up with that? Like, why would you, you know, why would you have a kid if you're broke? Then I realized, making kids is free. Isn't that weird? The most important thing in your life, the most, uh, thing you love the most, was free to make. Obviously, it costs money later, but free to make. And then, and maybe it's cause rich people can have their own experiences. They can go to parties, concerts, travel. Poor people are like, this is my thing. I can make a kid.

• 1:12:38Sam Morril?

  Could be something that's funny about how gay guys love Broadway. It's expensive, can't make a kid.

• 1:12:43Mark Normand?

  You're right, right.

• 1:12:45Sam Morril?

  They can still fuck, though, I guess.

• 1:12:47Mark Normand?

  Uh, yeah, and then I, the only part that gets a laugh is I go, free to make a kid, getting rid of a kid, that's four hundred bucks.

• 1:12:53Sam Morril?

  That's good.

• 1:12:54Mark Normand?

  That hits, cause maybe they're so poor they can't afford to get rid of it. But, I think that, I think the point of it is, if you're rich, you can afford to like.

• 1:13:04Sam Morril?

  Do other stuff.

• 1:13:05Mark Normand?

  Do other stuff. When you're poor, you're like, hey, I can make a kid and have a pretty cool life.

• 1:13:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, IMAX is getting expensive, let's fuck.

• 1:13:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:12Sam Morril?

  You don't think about that, there's gonna be an eighteen-year commitment.

• 1:13:15Mark Normand?

  Right.

• 1:13:15Sam Morril?

  It's free to make, but then you're like, it's almost like maxing out your credit cards.

• 1:13:19Mark Normand?

  I had that line.

• 1:13:20Sam Morril?

  Oh, really?

• 1:13:20Mark Normand?

  It's like a credit card, yeah. It's free to get, but then after a while, you're gonna, it's gonna ruin your life.

• 1:13:24Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:25Mark Normand?

  You gotta pay for it.

• 1:13:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah, free to, I had a bit that never worked from back in the day. It was like about Elon Musk and like how rich and poor actually have more in common than you think.

• 1:13:36Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:36Sam Morril?

  But it's like, you know, both of them just like, they love fucking without condoms. You know?

• 1:13:42Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:42Sam Morril?

  I forgot where it went, but the angle was like, uh, cause I think rich people were like, it'll work out, I'm rich, and poor people were like, I mean, I'm fucked anyway, I'll just, you know.

• 1:13:51Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:51Sam Morril?

  Like, part of the, I think the premise of it, I forgot how it went, but.

• 1:13:55Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:13:57Sam Morril?

  Yeah, the idea that kids are free, I think it's like, pay later is like the angle, it's like.

• 1:14:03Mark Normand?

  Pay later.

• 1:14:04Sam Morril?

  Free now, pay later.

• 1:14:05Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:14:06Sam Morril?

  What else is free now that you pay later for?

• 1:14:09Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:10Sam Morril?

  It's like.

• 1:14:11Mark Normand?

  It's college? You take out a big loan?

• 1:14:13Sam Morril?

  That's fucking good.

• 1:14:14Mark Normand?

  College, cause then it fucks you later.

• 1:14:16Sam Morril?

  And then the kid takes a loan out, too.

• 1:14:18Mark Normand?

  Yeah, right, you're right. And the kid wants to go to college.

• 1:14:22Sam Morril?

  That's, I think there's something there.

• 1:14:24Mark Normand?

  Interesting, college, huh?

• 1:14:26Sam Morril?

  What else? What, what, I mean, it's free.

• 1:14:29Mark Normand?

  Credit card.

• 1:14:29Speaker 02

  Getting married is free.

• 1:14:31Mark Normand?

  No. Well, the wedding is.

• 1:14:34Speaker 02

  I mean, you can go to City Hall.

• 1:14:35Mark Normand?

  That's true, that's true.

• 1:14:36Sam Morril?

  I find a lot of rich people I know are much more stingy than the poor people I know.

• 1:14:40Mark Normand?

  Hmm, interesting.

• 1:14:41Sam Morril?

  Don't you notice that? Like, poor people, like, I just take it, and rich people are like, ah, fuck, I need this.

• 1:14:46Mark Normand?

  That's true. I see people, like, scruffy-looking people give a homeless guy a dollar and the guy in the suit doesn't.

• 1:14:51Sam Morril?

  Exactly.

• 1:14:52Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:53Sam Morril?

  There's something about, I don't know.

• 1:14:55Mark Normand?

  By the way, you wear a suit, I, I had to wear a suit the other day for something. People treat you way different.

• 1:15:00Sam Morril?

  What would, what would you do?

• 1:15:01Mark Normand?

  I did, uh, I did do something with a suit. What the hell was I doing? Something with the wife. It wasn't comedy. It was like, uh.

• 1:15:10Sam Morril?

  A dinner or something?

• 1:15:11Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was like a dinner or something. She was dressed up, I was dressed up.

• 1:15:14Sam Morril?

  Well, how'd they treat you?

• 1:15:15Mark Normand?

  I mean, people were asking me for directions, uh, people were like, like, uh, just talking to me, like, oh, what do you do for a living, sir? And I was like, sir? Oh my god, it's crazy. It was, people treat you way differently if you wear a suit.

• 1:15:27Sam Morril?

  What do you do for a living?

• 1:15:28Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I had a guy on the subway like, hey, sir, what do you guys do? Cause we were both dressed up, like, what are you guys up to? You guys going to the opera? Yeah, it was interesting.

• 1:15:36Sam Morril?

  He asked what you do?

• 1:15:37Mark Normand?

  It was almost like, they knew I never wear a suit. They could sense that it was weird.

• 1:15:41Sam Morril?

  I feel that way when I wear a suit.

• 1:15:43Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:43Sam Morril?

  It's pretty rare, and I feel like I'm getting lucked, but I think, I think it's in my head, I don't think it's real.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  Showed you a picture of a guy, is this guy gay to you?

• 1:15:52Sam Morril?

  Awesome, awesome suits.

• 1:15:53Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:57Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Broadway is funny, too. You're like, that's why gay guys.

• 1:16:01Sam Morril?

  Something to that.

• 1:16:02Mark Normand?

  Have so much experiences, so many experiences. They go out to eat, they go to concerts, they go to Broadway.

• 1:16:07Sam Morril?

  No kids.

• 1:16:08Mark Normand?

  They got no kids.

• 1:16:09Sam Morril?

  Some have kids, some adopt, I guess.

• 1:16:11Mark Normand?

  True, true.

• 1:16:11Sam Morril?

  But it's like, yeah, pay later. It's close to something.

• 1:16:15Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it's close, it's right there, there's something, every comic I tell this to, they go, oh.

• 1:16:20Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:21Mark Normand?

  But then we get, we don't get anywhere. Hmm.

• 1:16:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, kids are free. It's just fascinating to me that the most important thing in your life was free to make. You got it for free. Maybe even an accident. You know, some guys, they, they love their, their Mercedes-Benz, they wash it every day, they change the oil, do all this shit. They paid, you know, eighty grand for this thing. But the kid, you like even more than that, and it was free.

• 1:16:44Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:45Mark Normand?

  Feels off. In the words of Carlin, there's something off here.

• 1:16:49Sam Morril?

  Hmm.

• 1:16:49Mark Normand?

  But I don't know what I'm trying to say.

• 1:16:51Sam Morril?

  Well, you should like a kid more than a Mercedes, you know?

• 1:16:53Mark Normand?

  You should, yeah. But I'm just saying, one is.

• 1:16:56Sam Morril?

  Like, the thing's alright, but the fucking car, dude. So cool. I mean, um, I'm also thinking of the thing, like, you know, a lot of people just fuck to fuck.

• 1:17:06Mark Normand?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:17:08Sam Morril?

  Then like, then you spend all this money to like, you know, condoms aren't cheap, more naphthalene cheap.

• 1:17:14Mark Normand?

  Abortion, couple hundred bucks, yeah.

• 1:17:17Sam Morril?

  Couple hundred, where are you going?

• 1:17:19Mark Normand?

  Well, did you say? Did you say eight hundred?

• 1:17:22Sam Morril?

  Yeah, that's not a couple hundred.

• 1:17:23Mark Normand?

  Oh, alright.

• 1:17:24Sam Morril?

  Eight hundred.

• 1:17:25Speaker 02

  Abortion's eight hundred dollars?

• 1:17:26Mark Normand?

  Uh, they were four back when I was banging.

• 1:17:30Mark Normand?

  I paid for a lot of abortions. They were four in New York, by the way. That was two thousand thirteen, fourteen.

• 1:17:39Sam Morril?

  It's just such a funny image, you're like, oh, four, not bad.

• 1:17:43Sam Morril?

  Good stuff.

• 1:17:43Mark Normand?

  It's also funny that abortions go up, like.

• 1:17:46Sam Morril?

  Right.

• 1:17:46Mark Normand?

  What is this, the, the market? You know, like, are we getting rid of more kids?

• 1:17:50Sam Morril?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:50Mark Normand?

  I guess everything has to go up. So that means in the fifties, were they like?

• 1:17:54Sam Morril?

  Look it up.

• 1:17:55Mark Normand?

  A buck fifty?

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  I think they were illegal in the fifties.

• 1:17:57Mark Normand?

  That's true.

• 1:17:58Sam Morril?

  If you knew someone, though.

• 1:17:59Speaker 02

  They'd go to a doctor, Puerto Rico's whatever.

• 1:18:01Mark Normand?

  Right, right.

• 1:18:02Sam Morril?

  People, you knew someone, you knew.

• 1:18:03Mark Normand?

  I bet they charged a lot, cause they're like, you need me, you know? This is illegal and I'm saving your life.

• 1:18:09Sam Morril?

  Yeah, what's the deal? Like, what, what year did it become?

• 1:18:12Speaker 02

  I think in the seventies, right? Yeah, seventies, right, yeah. In nineteen fifty's, underground illegal abortions typically cost a hundred to five hundred, equivalent to a thousand to five thousand today.

• 1:18:21Mark Normand?

  They gouge you, cause they got you by the balls.

• 1:18:22Speaker 02

  They literally gouge you.

• 1:18:24Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:26Speaker 02

  Uh, back alley abortions, yeah.

• 1:18:28Mark Normand?

  They got you by the womb.

• 1:18:29Sam Morril?

  Back alley sounds rough.

• 1:18:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:31Sam Morril?

  Cause you picture a back alley.

• 1:18:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:18:33Mark Normand?

  Not even an alley.

• 1:18:33Sam Morril?

  A back alley.

• 1:18:35Mark Normand?

  Who is a back alley? Aren't they all back alleys? There's no front alley.

• 1:18:41Mark Normand?

  There's no front alley.

• 1:18:44Mark Normand?

  Back alley, that's like full-blown AIDS. What is full-blown mean?

• 1:18:48Sam Morril?

  You're talking to the abortion doctor, he's like trying to perform, and he's like, will you shut up? Jesus Christ, enough about the alley, it's my office.

• 1:18:54Mark Normand?

  What's up with the bowling alley?

• 1:18:57Speaker 02

  Don't get me started on Christie Alley.

• 1:19:03Sam Morril?

  If you got any peeves, I know you're cooking up some peeves, Mark.

• 1:19:06Mark Normand?

  No, I got shit. I had two peeves on the way here and I go, I will remember them and I forgot them.

• 1:19:10Sam Morril?

  I might have another.

• 1:19:11Mark Normand?

  Maybe they'll jar, jar something.

• 1:19:13Sam Morril?

  Have another peeve.

• 1:19:14Mark Normand?

  By the way, shout out to a rental car. I always bitch about rental car. Sixt. S I X T. Best rental car company.

• 1:19:22Sam Morril?

  Never heard of any of these companies.

• 1:19:23Mark Normand?

  Really? Pull them up. You've seen this logo.

• 1:19:25Sam Morril?

  They're great.

• 1:19:26Mark Normand?

  They're great. They're a little bit more money, but I scanned a QR code and he handed me a key.

• 1:19:30Sam Morril?

  Whoa.

• 1:19:31Mark Normand?

  No line.

• 1:19:32Sam Morril?

  No line, yeah. Whoops. Yeah, that's them.

• 1:19:35Mark Normand?

  I mean, the cars are nice.

• 1:19:36Sam Morril?

  And you get a nice car. Thirty percent less than Hertz and all that stuff. This is not an ad. I just happen to use it too.

• 1:19:41Mark Normand?

  Yeah, I got, I got a Beamer in Florida. I was zipping around. I felt like a badass.

• 1:19:45Sam Morril?

  Damn.

• 1:19:46Mark Normand?

  Yeah, it was nice and no line.

• 1:19:47Sam Morril?

  You got a Beamer in New York.

• 1:19:48Mark Normand?

  That's true, but it's vintage.

• 1:19:51Sam Morril?

  I got a peeve for you.

• 1:19:53Mark Normand?

  Okay.

• 1:19:54Sam Morril?

  Companies that give you a really long window. Like cable companies.

• 1:19:58Mark Normand?

  Oh, sure.

• 1:19:59Sam Morril?

  When they're like, we'll be there one to five. I'm like, one to five, like. I know the second I put my ass in the toilet seat, they're gonna hit the doorbell.

• 1:20:06Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:20:07Sam Morril?

  I know the second I take it, I'm like, oh.

• 1:20:09Mark Normand?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:20:09Sam Morril?

  Two thirty-seven. I should have known.

• 1:20:11Mark Normand?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:20:12Sam Morril?

  So annoying.

• 1:20:13Mark Normand?

  What was that thing we had at the diner? I was like, this is a Larry David moment.

• 1:20:16Sam Morril?

  Oh, I think it was, you're talking about if you go to the airport or you're at a party and you're charging your phone, this one?

• 1:20:22Mark Normand?

  Yes, this is a good peeve.

• 1:20:24Sam Morril?

  You're charging your phone and you have to walk away from it and you come back and someone else is charging their phone.

• 1:20:29Mark Normand?

  They flipped you out.

• 1:20:30Sam Morril?

  With your phones stacked on top of each other.

• 1:20:31Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:20:32Sam Morril?

  This I hate.

• 1:20:33Mark Normand?

  That's a fight, that's fighting words, I think.

• 1:20:35Sam Morril?

  That's not like, that's an insane move.

• 1:20:37Mark Normand?

  That's stealing. But then they always go, well, what are you at? And you go, I don't know.

• 1:20:41Sam Morril?

  Yeah, but I was here first.

• 1:20:42Mark Normand?

  That's my argument.

• 1:20:43Sam Morril?

  And that's the story of America.

• 1:20:44Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Sorry, Indians. But yeah. That's, that's, that's fighting words. I mean, that's stealing. You're stealing my outlet.

• 1:20:52Sam Morril?

  That's, I've never heard of that. That's crazy.

• 1:20:54Mark Normand?

  That's crazy.

• 1:20:55Sam Morril?

  You gotta get yourself one of those little charge packs.

• 1:20:57Mark Normand?

  I have one, yeah.

• 1:20:58Sam Morril?

  Comes in handy on the road. The girl's, girlfriend's battery is always dead.

• 1:21:02Mark Normand?

  Same with mine.

• 1:21:02Sam Morril?

  Always dead.

• 1:21:03Mark Normand?

  My wife, always, she's in the red all the time. Like, how do you live like this?

• 1:21:06Sam Morril?

  That's crazy.

• 1:21:07Mark Normand?

  And then we'll go to bars. She's like, can you charge this? I'm like, now you gotta give it to every bartender and every waitress?

• 1:21:12Sam Morril?

  That is, it is a girl move.

• 1:21:13Mark Normand?

  That is a girl move. She'll do it with the Uber.

• 1:21:15Sam Morril?

  I'll let the phone die.

• 1:21:17Mark Normand?

  Same, same. That's true.

• 1:21:19Sam Morril?

  It is such a girl move to be like, excuse me?

• 1:21:21Mark Normand?

  Yeah. Uh, you know what else is a girl move that I could never do? This is a drunk girl move. Single days, you get in the Uber and they're like, excuse me, Mohammed, can I use your aux cord? And then they put on fucking Ariana Grande and it's like, boochie, boochie, boochie, boochie. I can't believe you had the balls as this guy for his aux cord and now you're playing your music into his, uh, camera.

• 1:21:45Sam Morril?

  The only time I ever did the control of the radio in the cab is when I was shitfaced.

• 1:21:49Mark Normand?

  Exactly.

• 1:21:50Sam Morril?

  The only time I would be like, hey, can we get some good fucking tunes on? What would you play?

• 1:21:55Mark Normand?

  Enough with this thing. Ding ding ding ding ding ding. Enough of that shit. Put on some Strokes. This is America.

• 1:22:02Sam Morril?

  Sam, you're drunk in an Uber and you have the aux cord. What are you playing? Um, of my phone? Yeah. I got a killer pre-show playlist. I'll send it to you. It's just, it's, it's every mood, goes high, goes low. It's got, it got country, rap, rock.

• 1:22:16Mark Normand?

  Wow.

• 1:22:17Sam Morril?

  It's got every, I got fucking Make 'Em Laugh on there from Sigourney.

• 1:22:19Mark Normand?

  Oh, I love it.

• 1:22:20Sam Morril?

  Cause I need a good vibe song.

• 1:22:22Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:22Sam Morril?

  So I got oldies, I got new stuff. It's, it's great. So.

• 1:22:26Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:22:26Sam Morril?

  Every city I go to, they go, who, whose list is this? And I always end up sending it to the people.

• 1:22:30Mark Normand?

  Damn.

• 1:22:31Sam Morril?

  It's a good playlist.

• 1:22:32Mark Normand?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:33Sam Morril?

  Schindler's List is what it's called.

• 1:22:35Mark Normand?

  Schindler's Playlist. I love Schindler's Playlist.

• 1:22:42Mark Normand?

  I was worried. You were like, uh, when I get to the drunk and I get to the cab, I put on my playlist, it's. Hallelujah. This is Leonard Cohen.

• 1:22:50Sam Morril?

  That's when I'm, that's after I get dumped.

• 1:22:52Mark Normand?

  Ah, yeah.

• 1:22:53Sam Morril?

  Give me that fucking aux cord, dude. Put on Don't Think Twice by Bob Dylan.

• 1:22:57Mark Normand?

  Ah, Don't Think Twice, it's alright.

• 1:23:00Sam Morril?

  Put on some Towns Van Sand.

• 1:23:02Mark Normand?

  Woo wee. Alright, what an app, what an app.

• 1:23:06Sam Morril?

  What a, what a banger.

• 1:23:07Mark Normand?

  Alright.

• 1:23:10Sam Morril?

  I'll save him, I'll save him.

• 1:23:11Mark Normand?

  That phone charger, that is a peeve of the year.

• 1:23:16Mark Normand?

  And the stacking on your phone is like, uh, insult to injury.

• 1:23:20Sam Morril?

  Totally.

• 1:23:21Mark Normand?

  Crazy. Crazy talk. Alright, where are you gonna be? Are you doing some clubs, eh?

• 1:23:27Sam Morril?

  Yeah, I just added something that aren't on my site yet, but yeah, for now, let's go with, uh, Bray Improv, what is that, the twenty-first, the twenty-third of August? Then I got, uh, Lisbon, uh, can you make it a little bigger than my eyes? Athens, Greece, Salonwelder, Budapest, Zagreb, Vienna, Warsaw. Added a second show. This is all September. Helsinki, never been, can't wait. Stockholm, uh, Copenhagen. Then I just added Nashville, Zany's, September eighteenth and nineteenth, can't wait. And then, uh, San Diego. Uh, September twenty-fourth through twenty-sixth, Acme, and that, the end of that month, my fucking special drops, so you better be ready for that one. I just added, yeah, we have, uh, something, should be on sale by the time this comes out.

• 1:24:08Sam Morril?

  Uh, I'll add something, uh, November twelfth, we just added the Improv in Pittsburgh. November nineteenth through twenty-first, Hilarities in Cleveland, December third through fifth, uh, Madison. Uh, Comedy Club on State, December tenth through twelfth, and Magoob's in Baltimore. Uh, December seventeenth through nineteenth. Can't wait for all these. I'm gonna have to cook up some new shit, but I'm working on it.

• 1:24:34Mark Normand?

  Oh, yeah. Here we go. I'm at the Houston Improv. That's a big room, so we'd love to have you. Uh, Zany's in Nashville. We added a show, Pittsburgh Improv. Hello, ya yinzas. Casino Regina, two shows, gets them every time.

• 1:24:51Sam Morril?

  Every time.

• 1:24:51Mark Normand?

  Calgary, come on out to that. That's a hot room. Club Regent Event Center in Winnipeg. Alright, I assume that's a casino. And, uh, Acme in Minneapolis. And, uh, this might go with the movie, so we'll see, but Denver. Comedy Works and Comedy on State.

• 1:25:09Sam Morril?

  Bangers.

• 1:25:09Mark Normand?

  Bangers in a row, huh?

• 1:25:10Sam Morril?

  Damn, that is like, that's all top five.

• 1:25:13Mark Normand?

  Yeah, Portland, Helium, uh, we'll see with the movie, but yeah, we'd love to have you. Then I'm doing two quick ones at Cap City in Austin. Tropicana, Palazzo in Vegas, Charlotte, yada yada, come on out, Mothership and, uh, Foxwoods. And there you go. Thank you, folks. Get some Bodega Cat.

• 1:25:32Sam Morril?

  Get some Bodega Cat Whiskey, bodeacatwhiskey.com, Bodega Cat Whiskey on Instagram, DM. We're, we're making a lot of moves at these, uh, places. Oh, and you know what? We forgot to do this. We wanna get into the electrolyte powder game. So if anyone knows how to do this, please hit us up. We want it to be a companion, Bodega Cat Electrolytes Powder.

• 1:25:50Mark Normand?

  Yes.

• 1:25:50Sam Morril?

  You know, cool flavors, uh, healthy too. Want to be healthy.

• 1:25:54Mark Normand?

  Yeah, you get drunk.

• 1:25:55Sam Morril?

  Hangover cure.

• 1:25:55Mark Normand?

  The night before, you have the packet. It's a, it's a part, a package deal.

• 1:25:59Sam Morril?

  We want a bodega, yeah, it's good for the gym, good for your hangovers, all that shit, so. Sorry, Matt, what were you gonna say? I was gonna raise a glass to, I don't know if we mentioned it on the other ones, Mark's having another baby. Mark and May are pregnant.

• 1:26:10Mark Normand?

  Yeah, thanks, thanks. I didn't wanna bring it up on the show. It's too schmaltzy. But yeah, another baby coming out in Christmas.

• 1:26:17Sam Morril?

  Coming out.

• 1:26:18Mark Normand?

  Coming out.

• 1:26:18Sam Morril?

  What a comic.

• 1:26:20Mark Normand?

  Hey, mazel tov. Yeah, two boys.

• 1:26:24Sam Morril?

  That's huge.

• 1:26:25Mark Normand?

  Yeah, by the way, no one is more misogynist on the planet is when you, and men and women, by the way, they go, what do you have? And I go, boy. They go, oh, thank God. Every single person. Maybe that could be a bit.

• 1:26:38Sam Morril?

  Coming out.

• 1:26:39Mark Normand?

  Coming out. Alright.

• 1:26:40Sam Morril?

  Alright, see you guys soon.

• 1:26:42Mark Normand?

  On his baby.