(BONUS) We Solve Your Toughest Conundrums

Jason, Maddy, Kirk, and special guest Chris Plante take turns responding to listener-submitted conundrums, settling beef, and trying to get one another canceled.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Kirk Hamilton?

  Hello, everyone. We are off this week, as we mentioned last week, and so in place of our usual episode, we are running a bonus episode from earlier in the year. This is a fun one. It's our Conundrums episode, which we recorded at the Game Developers Conference in San Francisco this past March with special guest Chris Plant, then of The Besties Podcast, and still of The Besties Podcast, but also now of Post Games, a new podcast that he has launched recently, and that's pretty great. I've been really enjoying it anyways, so definitely check out Post Games. Of course, we come up with bonus episodes like this all the time, once a month, for members who support our show on Maximum Fun, and we really do count on your support for

• 0:46Kirk Hamilton?

  all of this. Thanks so much to everyone who is a member, and yeah, we really appreciate your support. Thanks for helping us keep this thing going. If you would like to support TripleClick and Maximum Fun, if you'd like to check out all the other bonus episodes that we have run lately, episodes on TV shows like Severance and Andor, games like Blueprints and Metaphor: Refentazio, cooking, game history, and more, go to maximumfun.org/join. Okay, that's enough preamble. Let's get into our Conundrums episode, which I feel compelled to note upfront was recorded one slightly overtired but otherwise completely sober afternoon at a hotel in San Francisco. It was very fun, so hopefully you all enjoy

• 1:29Kirk Hamilton?

  it. We will be back next week with a regular episode.

• 1:36Jason Schreier?

  I'm Jason Trier.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  I'm Maddy Myers.

• 1:38Kirk Hamilton?

  I'm Kirk Hamilton.

• 1:39Speaker 03

  My name is Christopher Thomas Plant, and I know the best podcast of the week.

• 1:45Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, you kind of did fresh sticks.

• 1:47Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:47Speaker 02

  He has a better thing than I do. Yeah, he did guest, though, and he got to do his intro, so it seems only fair that you're here and you're doing your intro.

• 1:54Jason Schreier?

  Welcome back, TripleClick, to another bonus episode where we will not be talking about the best games of the week, but instead, we will be playing a game called Conundrums.

• 2:05Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 2:05Jason Schreier?

  It's gonna be very exciting. But first of all, thank you to everybody who's listening to us for supporting the little old show, and especially if you subscribe during Max Fun Drive.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:15Jason Schreier?

  I hope you got a pin or you signed up to get a pin.

• 2:17Kirk Hamilton?

  You'll get a pin eventually.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:19Jason Schreier?

  Yeah, but pick ours, because it's pretty cool.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  It is a really good pin.

• 2:22Jason Schreier?

  Lowkey gamer.

• 2:23Kirk Hamilton?

  Do you know what it is?

• 2:23Jason Schreier?

  Pin.

• 2:24Speaker 03

  I mean, I'm still just completely shocked that this isn't the main feed. Jump to the other feed. The feed for the cool people, you might say.

• 2:32Kirk Hamilton?

  If it helps, this will probably be in the main feed later in the year.

• 2:35Speaker 03

  Hell, yeah.

• 2:36Kirk Hamilton?

  When we need to fill a spotlight over the house.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  When we want to take a week off.

• 2:41Kirk Hamilton?

  Then everyone will finally get to hear Christopher Plant.

• 2:44Speaker 03

  I am so flattered.

• 2:46Kirk Hamilton?

  The pin is, it says, it's a lowercase g gamer pin. It's like a game controller and it says lowercase g. It's a very inside joke.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  I like that.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  It is very inside. Inside, inside.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  I do listen to the show.

• 2:58Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, that's right. Chris isn't a fan.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  No, I am.

• 3:01Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, you said you do listen. I thought you were like, I don't listen to the show.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  No, I don't listen to it.

• 3:04Speaker 02

  I asked you about it.

• 3:06Kirk Hamilton?

  I don't listen to Triple Click, just so you know.

• 3:08Jason Schreier?

  All right. So we're going to play a game called Conundrums today. And this is a game where we kind of, we go over conundrums. Our listeners have sent in a whole lot of these dilemmas that we're going to kind of debate over, give our takes on.

• 3:23Kirk Hamilton?

  Yes.

• 3:23Jason Schreier?

  And I've rounded them up. They're going to be a surprise to you guys. This is going to be real fun.

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, we don't know what they are.

• 3:26Jason Schreier?

  Because I'm the only one who's read them and I put them all together and it's going to be a lot of fun. So we're going to start off with some video game related conundrums. And then we're going to kind of go off the rails from there. So.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  Chris looks scared.

• 3:41Speaker 03

  I'm going to be canceled. I can feel it already.

• 3:44Jason Schreier?

  You are.

• 3:44Kirk Hamilton?

  From a bonus, a bonus feed Triple Click episode.

• 3:46Jason Schreier?

  Just wait.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  We don't have to put this in the main feed. We could keep it out of the main feed, depending on.

• 3:51Speaker 03

  No, we'll see where we go.

• 3:54Jason Schreier?

  I'm going to, I'm going to try to think of one as we go that would get Chris canceled.

• 3:58Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 3:59Kirk Hamilton?

  That's our goal for this.

• 4:00Jason Schreier?

  Something, I'm not sure whether to go like.

• 4:02Speaker 02

  It's for the Max Pond Drive.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  Politics.

• 4:04Speaker 02

  We gotta get people in.

• 4:05Jason Schreier?

  Third rails.

• 4:07Kirk Hamilton?

  If enough people sign up, we'll get Chris.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  It's like a politically cancelable day. Jake just like saying things are going really well.

• 4:12Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, we're going to find out.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  You can only keep one, your child or your spouse. Oh, cool. Thanks.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  That would be.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  That would be awful.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Easy for me. I don't have a child. Duh.

• 4:22Kirk Hamilton?

  That's true. Cat or spouse. Okay.

• 4:25Jason Schreier?

  Chris, if you had to say a racial slur.

• 4:27Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no. You checked, you checked, you checked.

• 4:30Kirk Hamilton?

  And say it right now.

• 4:31Jason Schreier?

  All right, let's get started. This is, this first one comes from Luna. Luna says, would you rather never be able to play video games for the rest of your lives? Or never be able to consume any entertainment media besides video games for the rest of your lives? I know my answer, which is,

• 4:47Kirk Hamilton?

  Go first.

• 4:48Jason Schreier?

  Uh, I would rather never be able to play video games for the rest of my life than not be able to read books. I would rather have books.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  I think that might be my answer too. Is that messed up?

• 4:57Jason Schreier?

  No.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Are we all admitting video games are bad right now?

• 5:02Speaker 03

  There's a kind of like simple logic to it, right?

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's also a time thing. Video games haven't been around long enough. So you're cutting yourself off of all entertainment,

• 5:10Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  including like Leonardo da Vinci's paintings. Like you can't even see anything.

• 5:16Jason Schreier?

  Entertainment media, but Leonardo da Vinci's books.

• 5:19Speaker 02

  It's content.

• 5:20Jason Schreier?

  Actually Leonardo da Vinci's Netflix special, you would not be able to watch.

• 5:24Speaker 02

  And I love that one.

• 5:24Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah. Leonardo da Vinci's paintings were kind of the content of the era.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  They, I would say they were.

• 5:29Jason Schreier?

  The TikTok of the 1500.

• 5:31Kirk Hamilton?

  He was just a content producer like the rest of us.

• 5:34Speaker 02

  And you know, he made a lot of stuff. He was very productive.

• 5:36Kirk Hamilton?

  He was a prolific content creator.

• 5:38Jason Schreier?

  He went around Italy and he would say, we'll give you a hundred thousand dollars if you participate in our game.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  It's actually really upsetting to picture him as a Mr. Beast type figure.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  If you survive 15 years of this play.

• 5:50Jason Schreier?

  So Maddy and I gave our answers.

• 5:51Kirk Hamilton?

  Wait, so Chris, you were saying some logic, you thought there was some logic to this?

• 5:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, it's purely the time. You already answered it, which is like, you, what I love about video games is the newness and I, it's not helpful to use film comparisons because it's not one to one.

• 6:07Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, but.

• 6:08Speaker 03

  But I think there's something exciting about being like, I feel like we're like in the sixties going into the, or like fifties going into the sixties, we're like coming out of the studio system and everything's falling apart and at the same time, like all this weird stuff is happening.

• 6:21Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 6:21Speaker 03

  And that's cool, but like if you were at the beginning of that era of film and it's like, okay, you can watch the talkies

• 6:28Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 6:28Speaker 03

  and a little bit of the musicals, or you can have all of art.

• 6:32Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 6:32Speaker 03

  And like, yeah, I think all of art sounds pretty, pretty good.

• 6:35Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, to, or music is another comparison where like they just figured. Out the stereo spread and it's like it's all about to be the seventies and the seventies are gonna be like the sickest decade ever. But you're not quite there yet, which is maybe always how it feels with games, but still, I think that's right. And right, we're not saying that games are bad. We're saying that.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  I'm saying that.

• 6:53Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay, Maddy's saying that games are bad. The rest of us who are uncanceled are saying that all of other media outweighs games still. Sorry, games are great.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  They just haven't caught up yet.

• 7:03Jason Schreier?

  There's kind of, there's the pre Blueprint's era and the post.

• 7:07Kirk Hamilton?

  For a matter of answer, this will be the 1970s.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  This is disco. It's here now.

• 7:13Jason Schreier?

  We got lots, lots more to get through.

• 7:15Kirk Hamilton?

  That was a good one.

• 7:16Jason Schreier?

  Did you have a question first though, Chris?

• 7:17Speaker 03

  That was a great, I like, like that one.

• 7:19Jason Schreier?

  You were just saying, are you like, I thought you were just, you seem like you had a question for me.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  I would, I didn't know if we were actually allowed to talk about Blueprints.

• 7:26Kirk Hamilton?

  Jason has just been happily saying that it's good.

• 7:29Jason Schreier?

  There have been like three years of demos, so.

• 7:30Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 7:31Kirk Hamilton?

  We're just talking about the demo.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  Hey, spoiler, I think it gets pretty cool.

• 7:34Kirk Hamilton?

  The demo is fantastic.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, the demo.

• 7:36Kirk Hamilton?

  The demo of Blueprints is mind-blowingly great.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  No comment on the rest of the game.

• 7:42Kirk Hamilton?

  No, I couldn't say, not until the embargo's up, but the demo, really wow. Anyhow, give us our next conundrum.

• 7:47Jason Schreier?

  Next question is from Ian, screw embargos. Next question is from Ian. Ian says, would you rather have to play every game in the hardest possible difficulty setting for the rest of your life or on the easiest difficult setting?

• 8:00Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, boy.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  You look like you already have an answer as well. The person who already has an answer gets to the first.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  It's the easiest by far.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  Because the games, plenty of games don't even have the easy settings. That just means you get normal.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Elden Ring is Elden Ring.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  And the hardest difficulty setting on some games is like game-ruiningly bad.

• 8:20Kirk Hamilton?

  Right. It's like Ninja Gaiden or whatever.

• 8:22Jason Schreier?

  But counterpoint, so is the easiest on some games where it's like, if it's a combat-focused game and like part of the fun is like learning how to use a combat.

• 8:30Speaker 02

  I don't know if it's game-ruiningly bad though. I'd be hard pressed to think of a game where the easy mode truly is not, would ruin the game. But I guess I, I wouldn't have experienced it yet because I haven't yet entered into this conundrum of my life.

• 8:43Kirk Hamilton?

  So you're all saying easy.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  Especially because of what Chris said, which is like, there are a lot of games that just don't even have easy modes. And so it's kind of like cheating, but also I could make the game hard in some other way. I could just, I could just play it on a weird controller.

• 8:59Kirk Hamilton?

  Do you remember, and I think it was in the first Bayonetta, the easy mode you could play with one hand. It was kind of an accessibility setting and you could just steer her around. And I think she auto attacked and stuff. So really you could make it harder for yourself in some way or another.

• 9:11Speaker 02

  Play Bayonetta on a DDR pad. I don't know. I'm just riffing here.

• 9:15Kirk Hamilton?

  So my question, and I agree with the general consensus is that easy mode is better, especially because there are so many games where difficulty makes no difference. Like, and so it's fine for it to just be easy. But I wonder if, so if we are talking about Elden Ring, would easy mode in Elden Ring mean every time you play Elden Ring, your character automatically is overleveled as shit? And like, so you just like one hit everything and it kind of.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  That actually would suck. Yeah.

• 9:39Jason Schreier?

  That's what I was getting at before, that like.

• 9:41Speaker 03

  But that's not a real mode in the game.

• 9:44Kirk Hamilton?

  No, right.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  You're proposing a new conundrum, essentially.

• 9:48Kirk Hamilton?

  I'm sort of wondering if this conundrum is imagining like reality is being distorted around us so that when we pick up a game, it just becomes easy for us.

• 9:55Jason Schreier?

  I think there are some games where like, like, okay, to go within the spirit of this, it would also mean like if a game has sliders for like combat or like whatever, you would have to turn them all to the easiest possible mode. And so like essentially the combat would just be kind of going through the motions and you wouldn't have to think about it at all. So I do think, I mean, I still think the answer is easiest for me, but I do think that, that it would not be fun. Yeah. So I think you would be missing out on something along the way. Um, next question. This is from Linz. Would you rather have someone watch you play video games and constantly give suggestions about how to solve a puzzle or beat a level, or have someone constantly question why you are solving a puzzle or fighting a boss in a certain way?

• 10:37Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, oh, man. Okay, so that to think this through, so this is like, you're trying to figure out, you know, a puzzle in a puzzle game, I don't know, Oberdin or something. And someone is being is behind you saying, no, don't do it that way. Do it. No, go over there. No, this is you're totally wrong. Or someone's behind you being like, so who's that? Why, why, why is he there? What is he, his son? What are you doing?

• 11:03Jason Schreier?

  Why are you using the sword? You should be like, why aren't you using the bow and arrow?

• 11:06Kirk Hamilton?

  Cause I'm trying to get a distinction, cause that feels a little like the first one.

• 11:09Jason Schreier?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:10Kirk Hamilton?

  So it's more they're just wondering, they always need you to be explaining.

• 11:13Jason Schreier?

  Help versus nagging.

• 11:14Kirk Hamilton?

  Right. This is Kratos, this is his son.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  And presumably part of it is you do feel compelled to answer. You can't just ignore this voice that is constantly present. You also need to engage with it in some way, at least for the questioning part. Or I, I admit, I would feel compelled to answer if somebody was like, so who is Kratos?

• 11:34Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  I would feel like I had to say I.

• 11:36Kirk Hamilton?

  Well, and making suggestions would be quite a bit like some of those tutorial modes that are in a lot of AAA games now.

• 11:42Jason Schreier?

  Yeah.

• 11:43Kirk Hamilton?

  Where the character starts, like Aloy starts saying, I should probably drag this connector over and plug it in to bring power to the.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  Have you noticed this beautiful yellow paint?

• 11:52Kirk Hamilton?

  Right. I think I should climb on that paint. Shut up, Aloy. I know I'm gonna figure it out. So, um, I think I'm gonna say I would rather have the person asking questions than the person making suggestions. Because at least then I would get to like, you know, I don't know, like explain what's going on. It's kind of like what we do on the show anyways. It can help you kind of, you know, investigate your priors and try to like, explain what's happening. Like anytime you're playing a game and your spouse or someone is watching and you're like, well, here's what's going on. And you actually have to explain it and maybe you realize the game is dumb and you shouldn't be playing it. Or maybe you realize like, oh, this is a cool way to think about it. So that's gonna be my.

• 12:28Jason Schreier?

  I'm envisioning this person asking in bad faith, like they're not interested in the answers. They're just bugging you.

• 12:32Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, wow.

• 12:33Jason Schreier?

  Bugging the shit out of them.

• 12:34Kirk Hamilton?

  So they're either annoying in one way or annoying in another way.

• 12:36Jason Schreier?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 12:37Kirk Hamilton?

  So what's your answer?

• 12:38Speaker 02

  That's way worse.

• 12:39Jason Schreier?

  Yeah.

• 12:39Kirk Hamilton?

  Which do you prefer, Jason?

• 12:43Jason Schreier?

  I think, I think they're telling me that rather than the nagging, because at least the first one feels like they're

• 12:51Kirk Hamilton?

  They're trying to help.

• 12:51Jason Schreier?

  Trying to help as if it's trying to like, just bug the shit out of you.

• 12:56Speaker 02

  But what if it's bad suggestions? Because I'm picturing the first one.

• 12:59Jason Schreier?

  Then you just ignore them.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  That's true, but I, I, that really bothered me.

• 13:03Kirk Hamilton?

  Go left, go left.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  I, I feel like it would just annoy me more. I don't know if I know why, but just somebody telling me to do the wrong thing would make me so angry. Whereas somebody asking me questions, even if they were in bad faith, I don't know, at least I could riff on it and tell my own jokes in response as a coping mechanism. I also feel like that kind of reminds me of being a Twitch streamer, which does seem like an incredibly hard job that I don't want. But like, you're getting dumb questions in the chat sometimes. You're, you're also getting suggestions. And of those two types of ways that people engage with Twitch streamers, I think the suggestions tend to be worse, because they're often bad. And they're often like, I already tried that. Or, I'm actually just trying to experience

• 13:48Speaker 02

  this puzzle on my own, and I don't want you to spoil the entire puzzle for me. That is horrible.

• 13:53Kirk Hamilton?

  Very frustrating when someone is like, I can't believe he's not even using this item yet. And you're like, dude, I don't know, I'm just having fun here.

• 14:00Jason Schreier?

  Yeah.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  Yeah. I like don't, I, that's a great question. Let me be clear. The amount of anxiety that gave me the second it was being done, being said, was, was way too real. And that person who is the like, uh, did you know that you could be using this sword right now? Is our, our all mutual buddy, Russ Freshdick.

• 14:23Kirk Hamilton?

  Hmm, that's true.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  He does know.

• 14:26Speaker 03

  Of, I would never use a guy. Don't spoil anything for me. For the second I play a game with him and like, two seconds pass, where it's like, I have not done the thing. He's like, have you noticed that there's a door? It's like, yeah, dude, I'm like drinking a sip of water.

• 14:42Kirk Hamilton?

  He is the, he is the man who never uses a guy, but he is a walking game guide. Also, let me just say, if you want to settle any beef with any of the besties, now, this is the place to do it.

• 14:52Speaker 03

  This is great.

• 14:53Kirk Hamilton?

  Can I, can I settle some besties beef? I'm gonna do it right here on the bonus feed. Justin McElroy on the besties. He maligned me. He, he told a story about how he texted me about a song and I never replied to him, but I did reply. I replied with a voice memo and I sent it to him as a very thoughtful reply to him. And I, I added his question to my Q and A hopper and I'm gonna answer it. And then he didn't see the voice memo for whatever reason. And then he went on the besties and read me for filth.

• 15:19Jason Schreier?

  Well, iPhones make voice memos like disappear after you listen to them.

• 15:23Kirk Hamilton?

  I think it's something, it triggered something wrong. I don't know that it was his fault, but he jumped to conclusions. And I just want to say for the record, I always respond when my friend, Justin McElroy texts me music questions.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  I'm glad we aired this one out. I'm on that podcast and I don't remember any.

• 15:37Speaker 02

  Should've been the whole episode, it's just besties.

• 15:39Kirk Hamilton?

  We need to talk about this somewhere, I think. No, give us another conundrum.

• 15:42Jason Schreier?

  Our next conundrum is from, oh, it's from Justin McElroy.

• 15:46Kirk Hamilton?

  He says, if your friend texts you and you don't respond.

• 15:51Jason Schreier?

  Next one is from Spencer. This is a lighter one. This should not cause you any anxiety, Chris.

• 15:56Speaker 03

  I love it already.

• 15:57Jason Schreier?

  Would you rather have every console ever made, but only one game for each? Or have one con, only one console with every first party release for that console? Ignoring backwards compatibility.

• 16:08Kirk Hamilton?

  That is a terrific question. Okay, let's think this through.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, so one console for all time?

• 16:15Jason Schreier?

  Yeah, so you could pick like the Switch and only get every first party release for the Switch.

• 16:20Kirk Hamilton?

  Can we say?

• 16:20Jason Schreier?

  Or have every console ever made, but only pick one game for each?

• 16:24Kirk Hamilton?

  Can we add that we can't say PC?

• 16:27Jason Schreier?

  Right, yeah.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause consoles are.

• 16:28Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, console, okay, cool. Cause that's not a fair answer.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:31Jason Schreier?

  Yeah, I think I would rather have only one console with every first party release for that console.

• 16:36Kirk Hamilton?

  What console?

• 16:36Jason Schreier?

  Specifically the Switch.

• 16:37Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 16:38Jason Schreier?

  Cause I feel like you get such a variety there as opposed to only one game for each console. It should be a little much.

• 16:43Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 16:44Kirk Hamilton?

  I don't know, but it's fun to think through the alternative.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  I know, I kinda like the idea of owning one of every single console ever and then.

• 16:51Jason Schreier?

  Only one game for each?

• 16:52Speaker 02

  I know, but I, I think I would get to pick though, right?

• 16:55Jason Schreier?

  Yes, you get to pick in this scenario.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  I mean, I, I'm not going to have to pick live on the air right now, but in this fantasy. I'd have infinite time to decide.

• 17:04Jason Schreier?

  I'm assuming, by the way, in this scenario that like you haven't actually played any games except for the ones in this. So like super, if you got a Super Nintendo, you would have to pick between Mario World and like Link to the Past and like.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  That's a tough one already.

• 17:19Jason Schreier?

  Right. So as opposed to having only one console, but every first party release.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  But that means you've never played Mario or Link to the Past.

• 17:27Jason Schreier?

  You don't have to make the tough choices. You can just be like, all right, well, I guess I'm just going with all these.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  I'm not afraid of tough choices. I think I'm going every console and I would make the tough choices as I went along.

• 17:37Speaker 03

  I, yeah, I also first party is great, especially if you're a big Nintendo fan. I mean, the great thing is you don't have to get an Xbox. Um, so.

• 17:47Jason Schreier?

  Right.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  Shots fired. I mean, well, no, it's like what, what, what one Xbox has that many consistent games.

• 17:54Speaker 02

  360 and you play Gears of War over like me in college. What?

• 17:58Jason Schreier?

  I was gonna say Snake King, but okay.

• 18:01Kirk Hamilton?

  Fusion frenzy with me.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  That's not first party. Snake King? Come on, come on. Follow the rules.

• 18:07Jason Schreier?

  First party was only that have only one console.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  Yes. Well, then if I'm, if I do the like, all the different consoles, then I can actually get my favorite games. You would just have to like, be like very careful, right? So I can get my Spelunky, I can get Near, I can get Kentucky Route Zero. Between like all the main consoles and I can grab some of the classic Mario, like Mario 64 or like Super Mario Kart 64. I feel like I could build like a pretty killer roster or like switch.

• 18:36Jason Schreier?

  And you'd have to switch between all of these consoles every time. You'd have to be plugging in.

• 18:40Kirk Hamilton?

  You'd buy like the sickest HDMI switcher.

• 18:42Speaker 03

  I would have a Mister and then I would have like one other console. Um, yeah, it's a, it's a great question. I mean, how about you?

• 18:49Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, I think similarly, I like the idea of making the decision. Like Maddy said, I like that you would get to this little buffet. Cause I think I've mentioned on the show, my favorite meal is brunch because at brunch you get a bunch of different things. And then I've got my toast and I've got my eggs and I've got my hash browns and I've got my bacon and my orange juice and my coffee and my water. And I can just like grab a little bit of everything and this would be more like that. So I understand there would be some variety.

• 19:14Jason Schreier?

  The puppery.

• 19:15Kirk Hamilton?

  If you pick the Switch, because the Switch would be a good pick. Like, you'd get a lot of good games.

• 19:19Speaker 03

  Some great flavors too that you end up getting by having that wide variety of consoles. Like, the Neo Geo Pocket Color has some of my favorite, like, little games on it.

• 19:27Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  And getting that variety would be nice versus like the Switch. It's a very specific era of video game.

• 19:32Kirk Hamilton?

  And the thing is, if we're talking every console, yeah, you are talking about like the Atari Lynx. You're talking about the Game Gear.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  Oh, bonk.

• 19:39Kirk Hamilton?

  The Game Boy, the Game Boy Color. Nintendo has released so many different iterations of consoles.

• 19:43Speaker 02

  So you can kind of cheat the system.

• 19:44Kirk Hamilton?

  Right. And like, and it wouldn't even necessarily be cheating. And so then you're talking to get the Xbox Series S, the Xbox Series X, and like-

• 19:50Speaker 02

  Do those count as different ones? Great.

• 19:52Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  So you get two in the Xbox, new Xbox era.

• 19:54Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, man, I can, like, the world's my oyster. Just one of those can be this Belonki machine or whatever, you know, your third-party, like, get Hollow Knight on one of them, so you can play that a bunch. So I think that it just seems like the numbers and the variety are in your favor if you go with every console. Plus, it would just be kind of cool to have every single console ever.

• 20:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:09Kirk Hamilton?

  Which I certainly don't have now, so I'm gonna say that.

• 20:11Jason Schreier?

  All right, next one. This is from AJ. AJ says, "If you could pick one of these long unfinished series to finally be completed, which would you pick? Half-Life or Game of Thrones? The books."

• 20:23Speaker 02

  Oof.

• 20:25Kirk Hamilton?

  Man, uh, can we say that it's satisfactorily completed?

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, it's a good ending.

• 20:31Kirk Hamilton?

  It's good ending. Let's say it's a good ending.

• 20:32Jason Schreier?

  Sure.

• 20:33Kirk Hamilton?

  That's just kind of more fun to imagine.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  Let's say they're both bad endings.

• 20:36Kirk Hamilton?

  No, Game of Thrones is bad and Half-Life is good.

• 20:39Jason Schreier?

  No, you know why I think that's, no, that is not part of this because-

• 20:42Kirk Hamilton?

  Just ended.

• 20:43Jason Schreier?

  I think part of the Game of Thrones context is knowing how the TV show ended. It gives that as an impact on your choice here.

• 20:51Kirk Hamilton?

  I think that it's still gonna be Game of Thrones for me. And I say that as probably, or at least TripleClick's biggest Half-Life fan. And that's because-

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is shocking me right now.

• 20:59Kirk Hamilton?

  It's because Half-Life as a story has never been the reason. I don't need to know what happens to whatever Alex Vance and Eli Vance and Gordon Freeman. I don't, like, I want to play more Half-Life because I like playing Half-Life, but I don't actually really need to know the outcome of the alien invasion story or whatever. I just want to play more Half-Life. With Game of Thrones, I really do want to see how George R.R. Martin tries to tie the whole thing together. So that's my answer, yeah, Game of Thrones.

• 21:23Jason Schreier?

  My answer is Half-Life, even though I don't give a shit about Half-Life because Game of Thrones has lost me so badly.

• 21:28Kirk Hamilton?

  It's like a anti, it's a hater answer.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I feel similarly in part because I feel like George R. Martin doesn't care about Game of Thrones anymore and I feel bad for him now and I don't want to make him do it, even in this weird fantasy where.

• 21:41Kirk Hamilton?

  Maybe he had a good time.

• 21:43Speaker 02

  I'm like, a wish has been granted on my part and now he has to complete this series that it kind of seems like he's tired of and he's excited about all these other projects. Maybe he can do Half-Life 3. No, he works on games now.

• 21:54Kirk Hamilton?

  I was about to make the same joke. Like, maybe George could write Half-Life 3.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  I mean, he might be interested in that.

• 21:59Jason Schreier?

  And also, he's like a Jets and a Giants fan, which is so fucked up.

• 22:02Kirk Hamilton?

  Well, I mean, you've read Game of Thrones.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's, that's the real Game of Thrones.

• 22:07Jason Schreier?

  Stark and a Lannisters fan.

• 22:09Kirk Hamilton?

  That's true.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  Which many people are.

• 22:11Kirk Hamilton?

  I wonder if anyone's ever said that.

• 22:12Speaker 03

  Which all of their people were.

• 22:14Jason Schreier?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 22:15Kirk Hamilton?

  It's kind of true, actually, right? You love Jamie and you love Arya. I think that's most of the fans.

• 22:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, neither. But not out of like a dislike for either, but more of a, they have served their cultural purpose. Like, I don't.

• 22:28Kirk Hamilton?

  We can just move on.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, if we got more Half-Life, I would be happy.

• 22:32Speaker 02

  Very noble answer.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you. If we got more of either of them, it would be fun.

• 22:35Kirk Hamilton?

  I want new things.

• 22:36Speaker 03

  But like, yeah, well, like.

• 22:38Kirk Hamilton?

  No, sure.

• 22:39Speaker 02

  Chris is cooler than all of us and we're silly for wanting these to end.

• 22:43Speaker 03

  What could they possibly make that would be like fulfilling in the way our imaginations are for either of them at this point?

• 22:50Kirk Hamilton?

  Well, at least for Half-Life, you would get a new Half-Life game. I mean, did you play, did you play Alex? I can't remember.

• 22:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I really liked Alex.

• 22:56Kirk Hamilton?

  So like, we could get another thing like that.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  Video games have come so far since then that it's like, did you ever see that movie, John Carter from Mars?

• 23:04Kirk Hamilton?

  Yes.

• 23:05Speaker 03

  It's like John Carter from Mars.

• 23:06Kirk Hamilton?

  An unhinged movie.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Unhinged movie. But it's like, the source text, not source text, the inspirational text for like Star Wars and all of science fiction, that style that has come out since it was written as a book.

• 23:20Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 23:21Speaker 03

  And the problem then is when like, it's like, oh, great, John Carter from Mars, Mars, we've got that. And it's like, well, we've already gotten like every spinoff of that. So it's hard for me to imagine ever playing a new Half-Life and it being like. As exciting as that. It would just be like another really, really good first person shooter.

• 23:39Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, okay, fair.

• 23:41Jason Schreier?

  Felix asks, if you were the absolute ruler of a small nation, what would be the first law that you would pass? It cannot be a law that already exists, exists in any jurisdiction, like don't kill people. It has to be unique. Would any of your hypothetical countries go to war with each other over these policies?

• 24:04Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  It has to be a law that doesn't exist anywhere, a holy original law?

• 24:09Jason Schreier?

  We don't know, like.

• 24:10Kirk Hamilton?

  We can be a little loose with it.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. That's part of why this is too hard.

• 24:14Jason Schreier?

  You're ruling a nation. What would be the first law that you pass? I imagine that the spirit of this question is like silly things, like a new Metroid game has to come out every year. In Maddy's country.

• 24:25Kirk Hamilton?

  Everybody has to learn the saxophone.

• 24:27Jason Schreier?

  Right, everybody.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, these are great so far.

• 24:30Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay, actually, I'm just gonna say that's mine, since we're being kind of silly. I'm gonna say my law is that every single person has to learn a musical instrument. We've tried it with the recorder.

• 24:40Jason Schreier?

  Ooh.

• 24:40Kirk Hamilton?

  But I'm just gonna say every citizen, you gotta play some instrument.

• 24:45Jason Schreier?

  Are you counting the recorder? Is the recorder count?

• 24:47Kirk Hamilton?

  It could be one of the instruments, sure, but you can pick whatever. And when we'll fund it, it'll be like, we'll have like an amount of our treasury that's dedicated to

• 24:55Speaker 03

  I like it.

• 24:55Kirk Hamilton?

  whatever instrument you're gonna learn.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, like having to learn how to write.

• 24:59Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, and it'll, I think, make people more like in tune with their emotions and sensitive and connected to one another.

• 25:04Jason Schreier?

  That's mine, that's mine.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  Hmm, I think mine would be something about like, maybe not having to work a retail job for a year, but something like that.

• 25:13Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  Like some type of job.

• 25:15Kirk Hamilton?

  Or like service industry.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, service job or, or something where you have to talk to people.

• 25:21Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 25:21Speaker 02

  And be part of the community for a year. And it's just like a socially enforced and accepted thing that everybody has done that type of work at least

• 25:29Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  once in their lives.

• 25:30Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  Kind of like mandatory military service.

• 25:32Kirk Hamilton?

  I was gonna say, yes, but, but like for

• 25:34Speaker 02

  But like for, for like being part of, and I don't even know that it has to be retail, because I feel like I would also accept working for like a suicide hotline, for example.

• 25:41Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, sure, okay.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  Or some, something where you interface with the public. In some way, and there'd be like a series of jobs that would qualify for this.

• 25:47Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  You'd have to do one for a year.

• 25:50Kirk Hamilton?

  And you're helping people.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're helping people.

• 25:52Kirk Hamilton?

  People are coming to you and you're having to.

• 25:53Speaker 02

  People are coming to you for help and you have to help them.

• 25:55Kirk Hamilton?

  I like that. That's a great law.

• 25:56Jason Schreier?

  Mine would be that nobody can have more than $500 million.

• 26:02Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, the great one.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  That is a really good one.

• 26:04Kirk Hamilton?

  Honestly, you would have the, I wouldn't fight a war with your nation.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, sounds good.

• 26:07Jason Schreier?

  I would probably adopt that law. I'd be like, look, it's working great for them. Yeah, the number is up in a little.

• 26:12Kirk Hamilton?

  Something, but some.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, depending on the situation or whatever. Yeah.

• 26:16Jason Schreier?

  Half a billion seems like more than anyone should ever.

• 26:18Kirk Hamilton?

  You would be invaded and destroyed by America. I hate to tell you this, but I would help the resistance in your country.

• 26:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:26Speaker 03

  Uh, Maddie took mine. Uh, so.

• 26:28Speaker 02

  Oh, really?

• 26:28Speaker 03

  Well, yeah.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  You can say the same thing.

• 26:30Speaker 03

  No, no, I have a different one. Um, in my country, Ghostbusters, you know the movie, right?

• 26:36Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  It exists.

• 26:38Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay.

• 26:38Speaker 03

  But everyone has to call it Geesebusters. And they all have to talk about how it's about busting geese, but it's like the same.

• 26:46Kirk Hamilton?

  But it's the same movie.

• 26:47Speaker 03

  And nothing has changed at all. But if you, if you, if you like.

• 26:51Kirk Hamilton?

  You get this wrong.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  Off your head, full guillotine.

• 26:54Kirk Hamilton?

  Into the, into the.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  It's a full guillotine.

• 26:58Jason Schreier?

  The death penalty only exists for this law. Like, nobody else is killed.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  Correct.

• 27:02Jason Schreier?

  Right. It's a utopia other than that.

• 27:03Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  Not, not universal basic income, because who cares?

• 27:06Speaker 03

  Well, no. So actually, the law is everything is perfect except for this.

• 27:10Kirk Hamilton?

  You get a universal, you get the UBI.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  But it's this?

• 27:13Kirk Hamilton?

  Right. But you have to say Geesebusters.

• 27:15Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 27:17Jason Schreier?

  Philamine asks, Philamine asks, here is a question that will tell me all I need to know when I meet a new person. Relish, mustard, ketchup. You can only pick two out of these three for the rest of your life. What do you choose?

• 27:32Speaker 02

  It tells them all they need to know.

• 27:34Kirk Hamilton?

  I get it. What's yours?

• 27:37Jason Schreier?

  Relish and mustard.

• 27:39Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, word, Maddie.

• 27:41Speaker 02

  I guess ketchup and mustard. This is hard. I do like all three. It's hard.

• 27:47Speaker 03

  Ketchup and mustard, but relish, you know, it has a special place in my heart.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:52Kirk Hamilton?

  It's gonna be mustard and relish for me. Cause ketchup, I'm not really a fan.

• 27:56Speaker 02

  Oh, you're not?

• 27:58Jason Schreier?

  Too sweet.

• 27:59Kirk Hamilton?

  It's too sweet, yeah.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Well, two of us are correct.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  This is why we're so close.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  This is why I work at Polycom.

• 28:09Jason Schreier?

  Andreas, Andreas asks, would you rather play every side quest in every game you finish, or never touch a side quest in a video game again?

• 28:19Kirk Hamilton?

  Wow.

• 28:21Kirk Hamilton?

  I've been talking to Steven Totello about A C Odyssey, and he is like the side quest master. He does every side quest ever, which is kind of the way to play that game. But the idea of doing every side quest, bing. Kirk here as I am editing this bonus episode. First of all, I hope you're having fun with our slightly unhinged energy. Look, we never get to be in the same room, so we all get very excited. And also, I just wanted to say that when I say A C Odyssey there, Assassin's Creed Odyssey, I actually mean Shadows, the new one, which we are going to be talking about the same week you might be listening to this episode. Anyways, you know, like I said, we were in the same room. We got excited. I said the wrong thing. So that's what I was talking about. There's gonna be a funnier one of those a little bit later, and I will bing in to let you know what I actually meant for that

• 29:05Kirk Hamilton?

  one as well. Okay, back to the episode. Bing. So is this like, I can stop, can I still stop playing? Like if I'm playing A C Odyssey, is it like?

• 29:14Speaker 02

  You don't want to play.

• 29:15Jason Schreier?

  You have to do every side quest.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  Well, yeah.

• 29:17Kirk Hamilton?

  Once you started.

• 29:19Jason Schreier?

  Right. Well, no, the idea is for you to play a game, you have to do every side quest, or you just never do any side quests.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  No, I think I get what you're putting here is, let's say that you start a game in either of these scenarios, and you'll play it for five hours. Like, I've had enough. You could, you could, you would be allowed to stop playing the game.

• 29:36Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, I think so.

• 29:37Speaker 03

  Okay. Yeah. I think that that's good.

• 29:40Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, man, I'm gonna say-

• 29:41Jason Schreier?

  But if you are going to finish it, you have to do every side quest.

• 29:43Kirk Hamilton?

  And otherwise, you can never do a side quest.

• 29:44Jason Schreier?

  Otherwise, you can never finish it.

• 29:45Kirk Hamilton?

  I would have to do side quests.

• 29:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, same.

• 29:47Kirk Hamilton?

  Even though it would be too much in a lot of games. Most games where that's too much, I don't finish them anyways because they're too long. Because there's too many side quests. But there are so many great side quests in so many games that like, and especially like things that get qualified as side quests that are like the best things in the game. So, yeah, absolutely, I would, I would say all side quests.

• 30:07Speaker 03

  That's how I like to play video game. Like, I, I would, I'd rather play, especially again, if you can put it down. I like playing a game, doing all the side quests I can. And if I get bored with it, and it's like, I got my fill. I don't have to see the credits to enjoy a game.

• 30:22Kirk Hamilton?

  Did you play Indiana Jones?

• 30:23Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, I like it.

• 30:24Kirk Hamilton?

  The side quests in that were great.

• 30:25Speaker 03

  The side quests in that are very good.

• 30:26Kirk Hamilton?

  And like, imagine missing those.

• 30:28Speaker 03

  You mentioned Odyssey, and I was like, oh, I can talk about that game forever. That game, I really, really enjoyed the side quests in that game.

• 30:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, there's too many good side quests in games now. I feel like that has to be the answer. And too many games rely on them for the story to such an extent. Like, in Avowed, they call things side quests that I'm like, this feels like it's a greater than name game.

• 30:47Jason Schreier?

  Yeah, it should be a main quest.

• 30:48Speaker 02

  And that just increasingly is a design philosophy. So, yeah, you gotta go side quests.

• 30:54Jason Schreier?

  Spencer.

• 30:55Kirk Hamilton?

  You didn't answer, Jason. What's your answer?

• 30:57Jason Schreier?

  I thought you said side quests.

• 30:58Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, okay.

• 30:59Jason Schreier?

  I think we all gave the same answer.

• 31:00Kirk Hamilton?

  Everyone's got an answer.

• 31:01Jason Schreier?

  Spencer says, hey, guys, we had someone present this hypothetical at work once, and it spawned a multi-week debate and challenges being issued.

• 31:08Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, boy. Challenges being issued. Wow. People being slapped with gloves.

• 31:14Jason Schreier?

  The question was, would you rather receive $1 million upfront or $1,000 per hot dog eaten for the rest of your life with no restrictions on how or how many or anything on the hot dog, zero restrictions? You eat a hot dog, you get $1,000. I, I won't read the rest, but Spencer basically said that like this led to him being dared to eat X number of hot dogs. That was another thing.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 31:42Kirk Hamilton?

  But he wasn't being paid $1,000 per hot dog, I presume?

• 31:44Jason Schreier?

  No, it's something, another, a smaller bet.

• 31:46Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay.

• 31:47Jason Schreier?

  So, $1 million upfront or $1,000 per hot dog eaten for the rest of your life.

• 31:50Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay, and that means basically that you need to eat 1,000 hot dogs.

• 31:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:53Jason Schreier?

  Yes, for the rest of your life.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  This is the easiest question ever.

• 31:56Kirk Hamilton?

  This does not seem difficult to me either.

• 31:57Jason Schreier?

  You could eat one a day for the next three years.

• 31:58Kirk Hamilton?

  Because that's, for starters, we're just joking about UBI, but that is basically a UBI.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:02Kirk Hamilton?

  A really good one.

• 32:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I like hot dogs.

• 32:05Kirk Hamilton?

  Hot dog for lunch.

• 32:06Jason Schreier?

  That's a nice.

• 32:06Kirk Hamilton?

  I don't love hot dogs, but I could eat it.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  But you could get a nice hot dog. There's no restrictions on the hot dog.

• 32:11Kirk Hamilton?

  A really fancy hot dog.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  You can get a sausage.

• 32:13Kirk Hamilton?

  And you could afford a fancy hot dog. You didn't pay $1,000 to eat it.

• 32:15Jason Schreier?

  Hold on, some, some counterpoints here.

• 32:17Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay.

• 32:18Jason Schreier?

  Cause I don't know if this is the case.

• 32:19Speaker 03

  Oh my gosh. Actually, the opposite.

• 32:21Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  Whoa, okay, so Kirk and I are hot dogs.

• 32:23Jason Schreier?

  Well, a couple of things.

• 32:24Kirk Hamilton?

  Team, eat the hot dogs.

• 32:25Jason Schreier?

  First of all, you put a million dollars in the stock market, you get a return of eight to 10% a year. You're already making, that's quite a few hot dogs already. There's no, like, you're still getting the health detriments of eating the hot dogs.

• 32:39Speaker 02

  This is such a Jason answer.

• 32:40Speaker 03

  The health stuff is something that gets me.

• 32:41Kirk Hamilton?

  No, this is worth thinking through. I hear you.

• 32:42Jason Schreier?

  Right, so if you're eating, so if you're eating a hot dog every single day, like, you might go blind.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  You'll make it to like 600.

• 32:50Speaker 02

  They're not that bad for you. What?

• 32:53Kirk Hamilton?

  What if you ate veggie dogs?

• 32:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, what if you ate veggie dogs?

• 32:56Speaker 03

  Also, Maddie, you don't have to like go get a colonoscopy as often.

• 32:59Speaker 02

  Okay, so you're right. You're right.

• 33:02Kirk Hamilton?

  You're gonna be on entering his 40s.

• 33:03Jason Schreier?

  And also, like, you're gonna be so sick of hot dogs by like the, the fourth week, you'll be like, oh my god.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm less worried about that.

• 33:10Jason Schreier?

  I should have taken the million dollars.

• 33:12Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay, so you're saying a million?

• 33:13Jason Schreier?

  And also, but even if you, like, the thing is that because of inflation, the hot dogs are worth less and less every single day. So you feel like also a time pressure where you're like, I have to eat more now for that to be worthwhile.

• 33:26Speaker 02

  What a statement.

• 33:27Jason Schreier?

  You get a million dollars, again, you put it in the bank and it's just making money, passive income. I'd rather have passive income than active hot dog eating.

• 33:34Kirk Hamilton?

  No, you're kind of convincing me because also you get the million dollars and you just don't have to worry about it anymore. Like initially I was thinking, the hot dog thing is sort of fun.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  But, but you're tied to it.

• 33:42Kirk Hamilton?

  Cause each time you eat the hot dog, but then it is the kind of thing.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  It's a curse.

• 33:45Kirk Hamilton?

  Right, it becomes a curse, especially because there's no end. So if it were like, until you eat 1,000 hot dogs, well then that's just crazy. I suppose there has to be some enticement.

• 33:55Jason Schreier?

  And yeah, you might feel like, it might drive you crazy because you're like. Man, any minute I'm not eating a hot dog.

• 34:01Kirk Hamilton?

  I could be making more money.

• 34:03Jason Schreier?

  Yeah. Why am I going to work every day?

• 34:05Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay, okay, I'm convinced. You're right, you're right.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:07Kirk Hamilton?

  Now, actually though.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  But I don't know. I don't know if I'm convinced yet because also like, couldn't you just be looking back on the million dollars in the same way? If you chose the hot dogs and being like, no, I'm glad I am eating the hot dogs because I have so much more money now. Like, I, I don't know.

• 34:22Jason Schreier?

  Only if you eat a thousand hot dogs. How long would it take you to eat a thousand hot dogs?

• 34:26Speaker 03

  No, no, no, not a thousand, two thousand, because a thousand breaks even.

• 34:29Jason Schreier?

  Yeah.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:30Speaker 03

  So really, like, you're gonna want.

• 34:32Kirk Hamilton?

  One thousand and one.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  You're gonna, oh, great. Congrats. You made a thousand dollars that you could have made in this store.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  How I think about money, which is such that I, I'm like, I don't know that I need that much money to live.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  So, yes, on the one hand, I'd have the million dollars and that I'd be set for life. But I'm also like, I could just have a hot dog every now and then, and then just like do other work as I see fit. And that would just be like a part of my life.

• 34:55Jason Schreier?

  Or you could put a million dollars in the bank and take out four percent every year and have forty grand.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  From.

• 35:01Speaker 02

  I mean, you're probably right, but I don't know.

• 35:04Kirk Hamilton?

  I think the main takeaway is in imagining some of the downsides, thinking it through of the infinite hot dogs thing. This feels like it would be a Black Mirror episode or something like that. Where you give someone what sounds like this wonderful thing, eat a hot dog, get a thousand dollars. And then there's all these downstream effects that you didn't anticipate. And it, it does seem as though the, there's a risk of that where with the million dollars, there's no real risk.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  You're right.

• 35:28Kirk Hamilton?

  It is just clean and you get a million dollars.

• 35:29Jason Schreier?

  No cholesterol worries.

• 35:31Kirk Hamilton?

  And then you can keep working and making money and doing whatever you want. So, it's like the less interesting answer, but it is the safer one.

• 35:36Speaker 02

  I feel like the fact that I'm hungry right now is hurting.

• 35:39Jason Schreier?

  We haven't had dinner yet.

• 35:42Jason Schreier?

  We're, we're going to dinner after that.

• 35:44Kirk Hamilton?

  It's a question you don't want to answer when you're hungry.

• 35:46Jason Schreier?

  We will ask you again after that.

• 35:48Speaker 02

  I would like a hot dog.

• 35:49Speaker 03

  I will record our answer after we eat and we'll find a way.

• 35:53Speaker 02

  I feel like as soon as I eat dinner tonight, I'm gonna be like, yeah, it's a million dollars.

• 35:56Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, obviously. I don't need a hot dog now.

• 35:58Jason Schreier?

  One thing I will say, I love pigs in a blanket, the little cocktail.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, those are amazing.

• 36:02Jason Schreier?

  Those, uh, those I would definitely, I would eat a lot of those. If it was a thousand dollars per pig in a blanket, that would be a different story, because those are.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  Because they're smaller.

• 36:10Jason Schreier?

  Much easier to eat.

• 36:11Speaker 02

  That's insane.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  One Super Bowl and you're a million dollars.

• 36:13Jason Schreier?

  Exactly, yeah. And then you bet it all and lose it all on the Chiefs, your friggin' team.

• 36:17Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  What?

• 36:20Kirk Hamilton?

  He's had to throw that in. Everybody's just settling their beefs on this.

• 36:24Jason Schreier?

  Wow. I assume it's your fault that they lost.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 36:27Speaker 03

  To be honest, though, it is much worse to be a Kansas City Chiefs fan than a New York Jets fan because they are just living in happiness all the time.

• 36:36Kirk Hamilton?

  They're a great team that wins.

• 36:37Jason Schreier?

  We don't have to get our hopes up, so.

• 36:39Kirk Hamilton?

  That's true.

• 36:40Jason Schreier?

  Eric asks, this is a heartbreaking one. Would you rather stop doing the podcast or for the rest of your lives only ever be allowed to talk to one another when recording the podcast? So for us, that would be trouble. Like, Chris, for you, you can make this a besties question.

• 36:54Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 36:55Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  So the three of us are only, the only times we talk, we're live or recorded.

• 37:01Jason Schreier?

  When recording.

• 37:01Kirk Hamilton?

  So like our planning sessions would, would become content.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  Or any other personal conversation we have.

• 37:08Jason Schreier?

  I feel like, okay, I feel like for the purposes of this question, to make it simpler, we would be able to have conversations planning the podcast, but we wouldn't be able to like just socialize during those, those conversations.

• 37:19Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 37:19Jason Schreier?

  It would be only podcast related, work related conversations, no talking to each other about anything else.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  I don't think I would keep doing the podcast. That sounds really sad. Jason, Jason, you would keep doing the podcast. We're about to find out who's mercenary.

• 37:33Jason Schreier?

  I would just be like, oh, screw it. We'll just catch up for like, we'll just add extra time to the podcast.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  We could make it work, but I feel like having to be on is different.

• 37:42Jason Schreier?

  It's true. Can't get real.

• 37:43Speaker 02

  And I also like having conversations.

• 37:45Jason Schreier?

  Can't talk shit about Chris.

• 37:46Kirk Hamilton?

  It's true.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, this is, we're taking all shit talk and gossip off the table, which, come on.

• 37:52Jason Schreier?

  Yeah, actually, you're right. You're just convincing me. I'd stop doing the podcast.

• 37:55Speaker 03

  The podcast just got better is what I'm hearing.

• 37:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true. The podcast just got spicier.

• 37:59Jason Schreier?

  But I do think having the podcast gives us an excuse to talk to each other every week.

• 38:02Kirk Hamilton?

  I mean, it's true. I talk to the two of you more than a lot of my other friends.

• 38:05Jason Schreier?

  We might lose touch if we stopped doing the podcast.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  That's a good point. And, and I do feel like the podcast like preserves our friendship and that's probably something all podcasters feel on some level, but shit talking is fun.

• 38:15Jason Schreier?

  That's true. Chris, what's your take on this? Yeah. For you, it's besties, we'll say.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, it's tough. I would probably be stop the podcast. I mean, I, I love all of my co-hosts, but especially like Rush Fresh Dick.

• 38:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  I've known for so long, but I think it would be like, we, our kids have so much in common and I would like, that would be really tough.

• 38:36Kirk Hamilton?

  You could start making a like parenting podcast.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  I don't think that will happen.

• 38:40Kirk Hamilton?

  That's not really the rule, yeah.

• 38:42Speaker 03

  I mean, hey, you know what? Our audience, they're getting older. Maybe they'll be into it.

• 38:46Kirk Hamilton?

  I think I would say stop the podcast only on principle because we live in a world where people are constantly pushed to turn every moment of their lives into content.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  That's part of it, too.

• 38:55Kirk Hamilton?

  And just on principle, being like, no.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  I just don't agree with that.

• 38:58Kirk Hamilton?

  No, real life.

• 39:00Jason Schreier?

  All right. Ron asks, would you rather live without modern computers or without air conditioning slash refrigeration?

• 39:09Kirk Hamilton?

  Whoa.

• 39:11Jason Schreier?

  That's a great one. It's a great debate.

• 39:13Speaker 03

  World without modern computers. Sounds kind of.

• 39:16Jason Schreier?

  Or computers.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, or all computers gone?

• 39:19Speaker 03

  No, no, wait, wait, wait. Does the question say modern computers?

• 39:21Jason Schreier?

  Yeah, but I.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want to, I want.

• 39:24Jason Schreier?

  Give me your interpretation of this.

• 39:25Speaker 03

  Let me play this out.

• 39:26Jason Schreier?

  What do you think?

• 39:26Speaker 03

  So like, I would say that modern computers would be anything post Windows 95. I would say like, once you actually have a.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  Agreed.

• 39:34Kirk Hamilton?

  Including our phones. An Apple II or something.

• 39:37Jason Schreier?

  Including our phones.

• 39:38Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:38Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 39:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, so those are all gone.

• 39:40Speaker 03

  I, that sounds quite appealing. I understand that it's like not, I understand that there's like, there is a different world out there, but uh, so many of the things that I, really freaked me out about, the world would disappear.

• 39:58Jason Schreier?

  Yeah.

• 39:59Speaker 03

  Um, where.

• 40:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, like the air conditioning part also almost isn't related at all.

• 40:05Speaker 03

  I honestly, I forgot what the other thing was.

• 40:08Jason Schreier?

  Air conditioning slash refrigeration.

• 40:10Speaker 02

  Technology disappeared suddenly?

• 40:12Jason Schreier?

  Right.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Or no?

• 40:13Jason Schreier?

  Well, so I read this, by the way, but air conditioning slash refrigeration.

• 40:16Kirk Hamilton?

  Refrigeration is a very important thing to keep in mind.

• 40:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:19Kirk Hamilton?

  We would not be able to have any of the kind of food.

• 40:22Speaker 02

  But would we still have like ice boxes, like old school medieval style refrigeration? And AC?

• 40:29Kirk Hamilton?

  Right, like you dig a hole in your, in your basement.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  Like you could still have root sellers?

• 40:33Speaker 03

  They're letting us get rid of all this stuff.

• 40:35Speaker 02

  I know, I know.

• 40:36Kirk Hamilton?

  We could no longer have social media.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  As a nice knock on effect.

• 40:41Speaker 03

  This would be great.

• 40:42Jason Schreier?

  I wonder, so one part of this that is an address is whether other people would have this stuff.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, like are we sapping it out of all existence? Or is it just us?

• 40:52Kirk Hamilton?

  This kind of change.

• 40:52Jason Schreier?

  Right, which does change things because like getting rid of modern computers would be more tolerable if nobody had modern computers as opposed to like air conditioning and refrigeration where it's like,

• 41:04Jason Schreier?

  if I could just like put my shit in my neighbor's fridge, then that would change things.

• 41:08Kirk Hamilton?

  Right, you use their Facebook account when you need to.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  I love your shabbos glue for your deli meat.

• 41:13Jason Schreier?

  Yeah, that's a good idea. And they'll press the elevator buttons for them.

• 41:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, and you just explain that you've been cursed and you're like, I just need somebody else to refrigerate my stuff.

• 41:22Jason Schreier?

  Yeah, I don't know. It's a tough one.

• 41:24Kirk Hamilton?

  It was a conundrum.

• 41:25Jason Schreier?

  I think I'd rather live without,

• 41:29Jason Schreier?

  man, I think without modern computers, just because like I think that's life would, life went on for a long time. Like whereas before air conditioning or refrigeration.

• 41:38Kirk Hamilton?

  Things were pretty rough.

• 41:39Jason Schreier?

  Was very difficult. Like you just, you have to eat things as like you have to get things every single day.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was kind of better though.

• 41:46Jason Schreier?

  Easily and also get like, yeah, but also.

• 41:49Speaker 02

  I'm kind of in favor of getting rid of all of it, so.

• 41:51Jason Schreier?

  It would not work in our modern like society because we're not living in farming communities anymore.

• 41:58Kirk Hamilton?

  I think I would want to get rid of technology just because I would be very curious what that would be like. So I just want to see.

• 42:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe we should just release an electromagnetic pulse and see what happens.

• 42:07Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, just right.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  Have we thought about becoming environmental terrorists?

• 42:10Kirk Hamilton?

  It's like the end of Fight Club or whatever.

• 42:12Jason Schreier?

  Next question. Eric says, would you rather only be able to use mouse and keyboard for the rest of your life for gaming? Only be able to use mouse and keyboard for the rest of your life or only be able to use a controller slash gamepad? For me, that is extremely easy. Controller is what I use almost all the time anyway.

• 42:30Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, the thing is you'd have to like play games like Civilization with a controller or whatever. So those games that are, I guess that's maybe okay.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  I wouldn't be surprised if Jason does that.

• 42:40Kirk Hamilton?

  There we go. I'm trying to pick something impossible.

• 42:42Jason Schreier?

  But still, I mean, I'd rather use.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  I think there's a spicier version of this question, which is when you are using a computer, you can only use one.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 42:51Kirk Hamilton?

  So you have to type with like that horrible file radio interface for everything? Wow.

• 42:56Speaker 03

  But then for people like Jason, it's like, I don't know, it's still kind of tough. You can't tell me I have to play games with a mouse and keyboard?

• 43:04Speaker 02

  I don't hate mouse and keyboard that much, though.

• 43:06Kirk Hamilton?

  No, I love a mouse and keyboard for the right game.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  I feel like this is another one where you and I would be picking the same thing.

• 43:10Kirk Hamilton?

  But it's tricky because like I also think about playing like Elden Ring with a mouse and keyboard.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  Oh, you're right.

• 43:15Kirk Hamilton?

  And I want to jump out of a window, so maybe not that. So maybe a controller. Like, I think actually, thinking it through, there are plenty of mouse and keyboard games that I really like, that I would be fine playing on a controller, because I only play first-person games with a mouse and keyboard. And they're fine with the controller, I just prefer the mouse and keyboard. But there are a lot of like third-person games and action-adventure games that are a nightmare on mouse and keyboard, that I would only want to play with the controller. So I think the answer is going to be controller for me.

• 43:42Jason Schreier?

  Can I give you guys, here's a supplemental one from Mac. Would you rather use mouse and keyboard, but the mouse is a touchpad? Or a controller, but it has stick drift?

• 43:51Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, God.

• 43:53Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 43:54Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, God.

• 43:55Speaker 02

  I think touchpad mouse.

• 43:56Kirk Hamilton?

  I think stick drift controller.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  Really?

• 43:59Kirk Hamilton?

  I get used to it. I don't really care. I like had stick drift on the Switch. And I know there were class action lawsuits and people were so mad on it.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  Now, why didn't you get your Joy-Con replaced? What?

• 44:06Kirk Hamilton?

  I did, I did. I did a lot of, and I like modded my D-pad for Hollow Knight and stuff, and it got kind of weird, and then I fixed it. But it's just like, when Link runs in the wrong direction for a little while, it's

• 44:15Jason Schreier?

  Yeah.

• 44:16Kirk Hamilton?

  It's fine. I'm not trying to, I'm not a esports athlete.

• 44:18Speaker 02

  But this would be for everything.

• 44:19Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  Wouldn't that bug you?

• 44:21Speaker 03

  It also depends on how severe the drift is. Because I feel like I've played on some things where the drift is like...

• 44:26Kirk Hamilton?

  It's a crazy...

• 44:27Speaker 03

  Yes. Like, you're trying to play a racing game and you're always adjusting it.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, that would really bother me.

• 44:31Jason Schreier?

  How inconsistent it is.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  And I don't mind track pads that much.

• 44:34Kirk Hamilton?

  This is a cursed question.

• 44:35Jason Schreier?

  It is a cursed question.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  It is terrible, yeah.

• 44:37Jason Schreier?

  Guys, this is a good one. We all need to give an answer for this.

• 44:40Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay.

• 44:40Jason Schreier?

  Ryan asks, he sent a bunch of questions, and I'm just picking one. He says, "If you had to kill and eat any celebrity, who would it be?"

• 44:48Speaker 02

  Oh, my God.

• 44:49Jason Schreier?

  Let's say no politicians allowed.

• 44:51Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay.

• 44:52Jason Schreier?

  Kill and eat any celebrity.

• 44:53Speaker 02

  So you have to kill them yourself, too?

• 44:54Jason Schreier?

  To kill them and eat them.

• 44:56Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  This is what gets us canceled.

• 44:59Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, I was gonna say.

• 45:03Kirk Hamilton?

  I want to kill a celebrity, which I don't know.

• 45:05Jason Schreier?

  Well, so, I mean, for the purpose of this question, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to dislike the celebrity.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  No.

• 45:10Jason Schreier?

  You just want their energy.

• 45:11Kirk Hamilton?

  You think they could, they would be delicious.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  Oh, that is how it works.

• 45:14Jason Schreier?

  They would taste good.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, that makes sense.

• 45:16Jason Schreier?

  Well, no, you can interpret this however you want.

• 45:17Speaker 02

  But you are killing them. They're dead. So if you like them, that's sad.

• 45:20Jason Schreier?

  Exactly. But you get to eat them.

• 45:22Kirk Hamilton?

  Kill and eat one celebrity.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  Oh, this is an upsetting question. I really don't want to eat a person.

• 45:27Kirk Hamilton?

  What if it's, because I don't want to.

• 45:28Speaker 02

  I know that's a crazy thing to say, but I don't want.

• 45:31Kirk Hamilton?

  About a celebrity is tricky.

• 45:31Speaker 03

  I have an answer. It's easy.

• 45:33Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay, go ahead.

• 45:33Speaker 03

  The dog in Frasier.

• 45:35Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  Would be so easy.

• 45:37Jason Schreier?

  That's not a celebrity.

• 45:38Speaker 02

  No, that dog is famous.

• 45:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, that dog is pretty cute, too.

• 45:41Jason Schreier?

  What about the dog from Taco Bell?

• 45:42Speaker 03

  The worst thing is I bet when I said that.

• 45:44Kirk Hamilton?

  Not enough meat.

• 45:44Speaker 03

  Do you know how many people were listening and they were like, truly offended.

• 45:47Speaker 02

  They were like, a dog? No!

• 45:50Kirk Hamilton?

  There it is. We got you canceled.

• 45:51Speaker 03

  No, no, no, we did it. No, um, if it has to be, it has to be a person, right?

• 45:54Speaker 02

  Presumably.

• 45:55Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, sure.

• 45:57Speaker 03

  Oh, man.

• 45:58Kirk Hamilton?

  It's hard. What if we say fictional character? Only because like, I don't think anyone wants to say a real person. You give an answer then, Jason. Who would you kill?

• 46:04Jason Schreier?

  Sydney Sweeney.

• 46:05Kirk Hamilton?

  Sydney Sweeney.

• 46:06Speaker 02

  Just cause, you just pick her out of nowhere?

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's, there's no.

• 46:10Kirk Hamilton?

  All right, well, I'm gonna say Glenn.

• 46:11Jason Schreier?

  I'd say that explanation.

• 46:12Speaker 02

  She would taste terrible. There's almost no fat on that woman's body. Like, it's her tits and that's about it.

• 46:17Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 46:19Speaker 02

  I'm saying, I don't think she looks good. And I'm saying that as a person who's disgusted by what I just said.

• 46:23Kirk Hamilton?

  Here's what I'm gonna say.

• 46:24Jason Schreier?

  Throwing that out there.

• 46:25Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay, here's that second one that I alluded to earlier. I am about to say that I would kill and eat Glenn Campbell, who is, of course, the guitarist from The Wrecking Crew and singer of the wonderful, strong song, Wichita Lineman. And now while Glenn Campbell would doubtless be delicious and full of protein, what I actually meant to say was Glenn Powell, the actor, sometime writer, and of course, star of Everybody Wants Some, Hitman, Twisters, Top Gun Maverick, and many other movies. So when I say Glenn Campbell, everybody gamely responds as though I said Glenn Powell, because I think they know what I meant. But I did mean Glenn Powell. So, uh, yeah, just so you know that that's what I meant, and, uh, let's carry on. Bing. I'm, I would kill and eat Glenn Campbell.

• 47:11Jason Schreier?

  There you go.

• 47:11Kirk Hamilton?

  You're, we're gonna get the whole cast of anyone but you. And I think Glenn Campbell would be delicious. A Glenn Campbell steak would be full of protein and energy. And I would get his positive vibes as a part of my life.

• 47:23Speaker 03

  That's good. That's good. Um, probably The Rock.

• 47:27Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh shit.

• 47:28Speaker 03

  A lot, a lot of.

• 47:29Jason Schreier?

  The muscle is like stringy and like, no, you need fat.

• 47:34Speaker 03

  I would save the universe from a rock president.

• 47:37Kirk Hamilton?

  Right, from the inevitable.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  That actually is like, the, the rules said no politicians, but we can pick people who we just don't want to run.

• 47:46Speaker 03

  It's more like a cautionary thing, right?

• 47:48Speaker 02

  Yeah. So like anybody that we don't want to run.

• 47:51Speaker 03

  Like projecting out.

• 47:51Jason Schreier?

  All right, Maddie, you need to answer this.

• 47:53Speaker 02

  I just have to think of someone. I don't know. I, Amy Adams. I, I don't want to eat anyone.

• 47:59Jason Schreier?

  All right, next up.

• 48:01Speaker 02

  I like her energy. She seems cool and I could probably take her. We don't have to kill the person. You think you can kill The Rock?

• 48:08Speaker 03

  And sleep.

• 48:09Jason Schreier?

  We're gonna get even more, we're gonna get even more bonkers.

• 48:11Speaker 02

  Oh no. I'm already, I was scared already.

• 48:15Jason Schreier?

  I've got a conundrum for you. You can play any game, fully immersed in that game's world, but you are only equipped with your own real life abilities. You could only exit the game's world when you have rolled credits. In what game would you be most successful? So you enter a game's world as yourself with your own real life ability and you can only exit when you've rolled credits. In what game would you be most successful?

• 48:40Kirk Hamilton?

  I mean, Rock Band for, definitely. I would make it all the way through.

• 48:43Speaker 02

  That is a good answer and a fun answer.

• 48:46Kirk Hamilton?

  I'll get through that one, I think.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  You have to burn the rope.

• 48:50Kirk Hamilton?

  Well, sure, because you can burn a rope.

• 48:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, you can burn a rope. Then you do it and you have the credits and you get a kick ass song.

• 48:56Kirk Hamilton?

  That's, that's like you only live twice. So we only live once? Is that what it's called? The one where you just die and then the game ends?

• 49:01Speaker 03

  It's like, great, done, did it, passage.

• 49:04Kirk Hamilton?

  That's funny.

• 49:04Jason Schreier?

  I was gonna say like Cooking Mama. I would do Cooking Mama. I would like Overcooked or something like that.

• 49:09Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  Yeah. I, I, I feel like something like Oprah Din is like an easy answer because it's like you're already kind of playing as yourself.

• 49:17Kirk Hamilton?

  A game like Papers Please where you're literally doing.

• 49:19Speaker 02

  I don't actually want to be in Papers Please. I thought about it and was like, I would not like to be in that world at all.

• 49:25Kirk Hamilton?

  But the game where the mechanic of the game is literally doing the job.

• 49:29Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 49:29Kirk Hamilton?

  It is more doable.

• 49:30Speaker 03

  Typing of the dead.

• 49:32Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 49:32Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  I'm gonna type.

• 49:34Speaker 03

  And you would just get really even better.

• 49:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:37Speaker 03

  And then credits.

• 49:38Kirk Hamilton?

  And the idea isn't like you're in the hell world video game where you get killed if you die.

• 49:41Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, we didn't pick Elden Ring or whatever. So no, we're not in the hell.

• 49:45Kirk Hamilton?

  And if you die, if you fail on typing of the dead once, you just come back. You were just in the game, but you have to use your typing skills to win.

• 49:51Speaker 03

  I like that.

• 49:51Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, that's a good answer, too.

• 49:52Jason Schreier?

  All right, we have a couple more.

• 49:53Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay.

• 49:54Jason Schreier?

  Truly unhinged. Some, some, this one is from Lindsay. Lindsay writes, this is a scenario. All of the major carb based foods are gone for whatever reason, except for one. Which carb would you want to be left standing, assuming you couldn't eat any of the others ever again? So it could be like you pick like one of the cereal, one of the major crops like wheat or rice or oats or corn, or it could just be like based on food. So we need to kind of pick a version of this scenario. Let's say like you, you can pick, you can pick a food and it would be like, so if you pick rice, it can be any variation of rice.

• 50:35Speaker 02

  Like rice noodles, rice flour.

• 50:37Jason Schreier?

  Bread and pasta. You have to pick like bread versus pasta. So it could be like rice, bread, pasta, like any of those carbs. So pick a type of carb.

• 50:44Kirk Hamilton?

  Bread.

• 50:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm going wheat as well. I feel like I.

• 50:47Jason Schreier?

  Well, it'd have to be a type of wheat.

• 50:49Speaker 02

  Okay, so bread or can I include cake as well?

• 50:51Jason Schreier?

  No.

• 50:52Kirk Hamilton?

  Cake is different than bread.

• 50:53Jason Schreier?

  Cake is different than bread.

• 50:54Speaker 02

  So really it's like, this is a very restrictive question then.

• 50:57Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 50:58Speaker 02

  Cause you can't choose.

• 50:59Kirk Hamilton?

  One type of carb that you're gonna eat forever.

• 51:01Speaker 02

  Okay. I mean, I feel like that's even less than one type of carb. It's like one type of food that is a carb.

• 51:06Kirk Hamilton?

  Yes. Yeah.

• 51:07Speaker 02

  Oof, so I guess bread.

• 51:09Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, I'm because bread is so good.

• 51:11Jason Schreier?

  I wouldn't do bread.

• 51:12Speaker 02

  What would you pick?

• 51:13Jason Schreier?

  Pasta.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  Pasta is great.

• 51:16Kirk Hamilton?

  Quite good.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  But you couldn't ever have a sandwich.

• 51:20Jason Schreier?

  That's fine. I just think.

• 51:21Speaker 02

  You don't like sandwiches?

• 51:22Jason Schreier?

  Lasagna. No, I love sandwiches.

• 51:23Kirk Hamilton?

  You have a spaghetti sandwich.

• 51:25Jason Schreier?

  Cause you can put anything in a lasagna.

• 51:29Kirk Hamilton?

  Lasagna is kind of a sandwich when you think of that. It's like a grilled cheese.

• 51:32Speaker 02

  I feel like I would.

• 51:33Jason Schreier?

  Name one thing you can't put in a lasagna.

• 51:33Speaker 02

  I would miss desserts so much. I guess I, I guess you could still have fudge and like things that don't have.

• 51:38Kirk Hamilton?

  Milkshakes.

• 51:39Speaker 03

  Other food exists.

• 51:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true.

• 51:42Speaker 03

  Rice. Easy.

• 51:43Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  Because rice.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  Rice is very versatile.

• 51:45Speaker 03

  Rotten so versatile.

• 51:46Speaker 02

  But the rule is, the rule is that it isn't.

• 51:48Jason Schreier?

  Sugar is a carb, so the milkshakes.

• 51:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was wondering how far we were going with this.

• 51:53Kirk Hamilton?

  Really? Okay.

• 51:54Jason Schreier?

  If we're gonna, if we're gonna take this seriously.

• 51:56Speaker 02

  Which is part of why I was like, maybe I should say cake because, but at that point, is that counted as multiple carbs? I guess we're saying no for the purposes of the rule. I think in that case, I would say cake.

• 52:06Kirk Hamilton?

  Cake, okay.

• 52:06Speaker 02

  Because, I mean, recently I had to do a low FODMAP diet for like a health thing.

• 52:11Kirk Hamilton?

  Sure.

• 52:11Speaker 02

  And the foods that I missed, so I'm just thinking about the foods I missed and like, I really missed bread and cake.

• 52:18Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 52:18Speaker 03

  We're so hungry right now.

• 52:20Jason Schreier?

  We all should go to dinner.

• 52:21Kirk Hamilton?

  We have not had dinner. We are gonna go to dinner soon.

• 52:23Jason Schreier?

  Yeah.

• 52:24Kirk Hamilton?

  Wait, so the answer is pasta, cake, bread, plant.

• 52:28Speaker 03

  And rice, because you can, you can garnish it like onigiri, you can put so many flavors with it.

• 52:33Speaker 02

  Rice pudding, well, they're not allowed to have sugar.

• 52:35Kirk Hamilton?

  You need to have sugar on it. But rice pudding is, uh, pasta onigiri, so.

• 52:40Jason Schreier?

  Just kidding.

• 52:43Speaker 02

  Chris looks so mad.

• 52:45Jason Schreier?

  No, not really. This is, this is our, our last one. And this is possibly the most unhinged one.

• 52:51Kirk Hamilton?

  Okay.

• 52:52Jason Schreier?

  So, in this conundrum, I'm gonna preempt this. There's no long-term health problems that are caused by this.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  Oh, boy. Here we go.

• 53:01Jason Schreier?

  This is from Inga. Inga writes, would you rather have a perpetually damp butt? Or, or only be able to ambulate on all fours? So no bipedal walking, but you can stand.

• 53:17Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, my God. But, or your butt is wet at all times?

• 53:19Jason Schreier?

  Or your butt is perpetually damp. Perpetually damp butt, or only be able to walk on all fours?

• 53:25Speaker 02

  I have some questions about this.

• 53:26Jason Schreier?

  Okay, and no long-term health problems, so neither of these will cause any issues.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  That's off the table, that's fine. Um, so if you're only walking on all fours, you have to go through society like this? That I feel like is a huge downside.

• 53:38Jason Schreier?

  Or you have to go through societies with a damp butt.

• 53:39Speaker 02

  But people might not notice that. You notice that.

• 53:42Kirk Hamilton?

  I got a damp butt right now, you guys. No one knows. It's fine.

• 53:45Jason Schreier?

  Oh, we really have to go to dinner.

• 53:47Speaker 03

  There's also ways to address it, right?

• 53:48Kirk Hamilton?

  I was kidding. I was kidding. I don't have a damp butt. My butt's fine. Just wanna say that it's fine. I was just making a joke.

• 53:54Jason Schreier?

  Kirk just got canceled.

• 53:56Kirk Hamilton?

  So now I've learned the downside of having a damp butt is you tell people about it and then you feel really embarrassed.

• 54:00Speaker 02

  Well, but the walking on all fours thing, like you'd be pretty dumb.

• 54:05Jason Schreier?

  Hold on, what if it's so damp that it shows through your pants?

• 54:09Speaker 02

  Okay, so everyone sees it all the time.

• 54:11Kirk Hamilton?

  You are basically an I think you should leave character. You're kind of an I think you should leave character either way.

• 54:15Speaker 02

  You are, you are. Like, people think something's wrong with you.

• 54:19Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah. Oh, it's just, it's just my butt, it's damp. Oh man, I can just picture.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're doing a Tim Robbins.

• 54:24Jason Schreier?

  And the thought of being able to walk, like having to walk down the street on all fours, I mean, I think it's hard to go with that.

• 54:30Speaker 02

  It is hard to go with that.

• 54:31Kirk Hamilton?

  The argument I would make in favor of all fours, even though I think I agree, is that we are designed kind of as creatures to walk around on all fours. Like, we're not really meant to be upright. Like, all of our stuff kind of hangs. It's like a lot easier to like walk. It's easier on your back if you're on all fours. So it would be like ergonomically pretty good for you, except for the fact that, as we have pointed out, you'd be like walking down the sidewalk and you'd be, it'd be, I guess we're saying like-

• 54:55Speaker 02

  I like how you said all this like smart sounding stuff, because it's true. And you're like, however you do look, it's really strange.

• 55:01Kirk Hamilton?

  Like, how would you order at McDonald's or something?

• 55:04Jason Schreier?

  Yeah, just walk it up.

• 55:05Kirk Hamilton?

  You would either have to- I need a chair, sorry.

• 55:07Jason Schreier?

  You would either, you would either have to put shoes on your hands or get gross street gunk all over your hands.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  Wear gloves probably. You'd get like those grippy gloves like for rollerblading or whatever.

• 55:18Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, hell yeah.

• 55:19Jason Schreier?

  Okay.

• 55:19Speaker 02

  Okay, so can you drive a car?

• 55:22Kirk Hamilton?

  Hmm.

• 55:23Speaker 02

  Because that feels like cheating.

• 55:24Jason Schreier?

  Yes, this is only for Andy.

• 55:25Kirk Hamilton?

  And because there are people who like-

• 55:27Speaker 02

  When you just drive a car all the time?

• 55:28Jason Schreier?

  When you get out of your car, you walk through the parking lot on all fours.

• 55:30Speaker 02

  Okay, but then I would just be a long haul trucker and I would just not really interact with people that much.

• 55:35Jason Schreier?

  Or you could be a, well, but if you're a long haul trucker, you're gonna have a damp butt anyway.

• 55:40Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 55:41Jason Schreier?

  Chris has been silent this whole time.

• 55:43Speaker 02

  Chris, I want to know what Chris thinks.

• 55:45Speaker 03

  I truly feel like I'm hallucinating.

• 55:47Jason Schreier?

  We saved the best for last.

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Everything's just happening and I don't feel-

• 55:51Speaker 02

  I feel like we need to save it recording this in person, by the way. So if you're sensing manic energy, that's part of it.

• 55:56Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh yeah, very important for people to understand.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  The thing with the damp butt, it really hinges on if it will be noticeable no matter what. Because if it's like, you can just wear like- Like vinyl pants or something to cover it up. That's one thing.

• 56:09Speaker 02

  But then you're wearing vinyl pants.

• 56:11Speaker 03

  But also if it's like, if no matter what, it's going to like come through, that's like truly horrifying. Cause what if I like wear vinyl pants with like leather around it?

• 56:21Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, God.

• 56:21Speaker 03

  If the rule is it's gonna come through.

• 56:23Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 56:23Speaker 03

  So it's like a like fire hose.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  It's just water.

• 56:27Speaker 03

  Like to make it work.

• 56:28Kirk Hamilton?

  No, that is unfortunate.

• 56:30Speaker 03

  That would be really bad. But if it's just like, just a damp.

• 56:34Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah, just damp. Cause they don't say wet. They're not like soaking.

• 56:36Speaker 03

  No.

• 56:37Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 56:37Speaker 02

  More referring to the sensory aspect of it. And we've kind of supplanted the additional rule that it's embarrassing. Because the all fours part is so unusual.

• 56:47Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 56:48Jason Schreier?

  Yeah.

• 56:48Speaker 02

  Is that it would like severely inhibit your ability to get a job, have friends, have a romantic partner.

• 56:53Kirk Hamilton?

  And the thing, yes.

• 56:54Speaker 02

  It really destroys.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  There might be people into that.

• 56:57Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 56:57Speaker 03

  You know?

• 56:58Kirk Hamilton?

  That's true.

• 56:58Speaker 03

  You never know.

• 56:59Kirk Hamilton?

  So, and the thing.

• 57:00Speaker 02

  What's a damp with, am I right?

• 57:01Speaker 03

  Well, actually, you're right. I don't know why I didn't think.

• 57:05Kirk Hamilton?

  And the, the problem with the all four things as well, because there are cars that are designed to be driven without the use of your legs.

• 57:11Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 57:12Kirk Hamilton?

  Like, there is, you could just use a wheelchair or use some other device to get around, but that's not what we're talking about.

• 57:17Speaker 02

  That would be cheating almost. You can't cheat the system.

• 57:19Kirk Hamilton?

  You can't use all of the different accessibility devices that would be available to you. You have to just walk around on all fours.

• 57:25Jason Schreier?

  Just like you can't dry your butt.

• 57:27Kirk Hamilton?

  You can't use all the butt drying.

• 57:29Speaker 02

  A towel.

• 57:30Kirk Hamilton?

  For example, a hair dryer. None of these things are available to you. They will not work.

• 57:35Speaker 03

  I have a second question, kind of building off this.

• 57:38Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 57:38Speaker 03

  Let's play out the damp butt scenario.

• 57:41Kirk Hamilton?

  Quote, things you didn't think you would say today.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  Let's play out.

• 57:45Jason Schreier?

  Chris Plant, Polygon editor in chief.

• 57:47Kirk Hamilton?

  Let's play out the damp butt scenario.

• 57:49Speaker 03

  You, you've picked damp butt, okay? Even though you know that you picked this and you, you're fully aware of the curse. How many times would you like, how many towels would you use before you gave up?

• 58:03Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 58:04Speaker 03

  You know, trying to dry it?

• 58:05Speaker 02

  A lot.

• 58:06Kirk Hamilton?

  Probably a lot.

• 58:06Speaker 02

  I feel like the thing that I almost can't evaluate because the all four thing, all all fours thing is hanging me up is the damp butt being so unpleasant.

• 58:15Kirk Hamilton?

  Right.

• 58:16Speaker 02

  Like, I, I feel like we can't even touch on that because we're just talking about the social ramifications, but like picturing that for the rest of my life is really upsetting and might make me go insane.

• 58:25Kirk Hamilton?

  Here's the thing though.

• 58:26Speaker 02

  I might lose my mind from that.

• 58:28Kirk Hamilton?

  You might just get used to it.

• 58:29Speaker 02

  I don't know if I would.

• 58:30Jason Schreier?

  Okay.

• 58:31Speaker 03

  Spend most of your time in like a bathtub, like just doing most of your writing in a bathtub.

• 58:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, like become like a professional mermaid or whatever.

• 58:38Kirk Hamilton?

  A hot tub streamer.

• 58:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:40Jason Schreier?

  Maddie, you could have gone with professional swimmer, but you went with professional mermaid.

• 58:43Speaker 02

  Well, we're talking about things I think I could do. I'm not that good at swimming.

• 58:47Jason Schreier?

  You don't have a butt, you have a tail.

• 58:49Speaker 02

  Exactly, but it's damp all the time.

• 58:51Kirk Hamilton?

  It's too damp all the time.

• 58:52Speaker 02

  Do you really think mermaids don't have butts, Jason? Cause that's kind of wrong. I would say they do.

• 58:56Jason Schreier?

  I mean, it's just.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  It's like the main thing that they still have.

• 58:59Kirk Hamilton?

  They have a fish butt.

• 58:59Speaker 03

  Sounds like somebody is reading the best mermaid fiction.

• 59:03Jason Schreier?

  Hold on, is a mermaid butt, is it like shaped like a human butt? I don't think so. It kind of like goes down into a fish. Yeah.

• 59:10Speaker 02

  I mean, I think she's still got a butt.

• 59:12Jason Schreier?

  I think it's time for answers.

• 59:13Kirk Hamilton?

  Fish have butts.

• 59:14Jason Schreier?

  Kirk, what's your answer?

• 59:15Kirk Hamilton?

  Uh, damp butt.

• 59:16Speaker 03

  Damp butt.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  I guess it has to be damp butt. I'm upset by it and I do think I lose my mind over the course of that time.

• 59:21Jason Schreier?

  Well, that's part of why this is such a great conundrum.

• 59:24Speaker 02

  But I also lose my mind when I'm walking around on all fours. So whatever, I guess.

• 59:27Kirk Hamilton?

  And Jason, you were a damp butt, to be clear.

• 59:29Jason Schreier?

  Yeah.

• 59:29Kirk Hamilton?

  We are unanimous.

• 59:30Jason Schreier?

  Four damp butts.

• 59:31Kirk Hamilton?

  Four damp butts in this hotel room.

• 59:32Jason Schreier?

  Welcome to our podcast, four damp butts.

• 59:36Speaker 02

  This is so upsetting.

• 59:37Kirk Hamilton?

  This has been great.

• 59:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, this was fun.

• 59:39Jason Schreier?

  Chris, thank you for joining us.

• 59:40Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you for having me.

• 59:41Jason Schreier?

  Where can people find you?

• 59:42Speaker 03

  Uh, people can find me at the besties. It's a podcast and they can listen to it whenever they would like. It's free on all platforms.

• 59:50Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 59:51Speaker 02

  And at polygon.com.

• 59:52Speaker 03

  You can find me at polygon.com. You can find me, uh, it is a website and a YouTube channel.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 59:57Speaker 03

  Let's not discount that. Um, Asme nominated. Have you been nominated for an Asme?

• 1:00:03Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 1:00:04Jason Schreier?

  What is it, Asbi?

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  No, no ellies? No ellies for you?

• 1:00:06Kirk Hamilton?

  Note that Chris is looking directly at Jason.

• 1:00:07Jason Schreier?

  What is it, Asbi?

• 1:00:08Speaker 03

  Uh, the, the-

• 1:00:09Speaker 02

  American Society for Magazine and Editors?

• 1:00:14Speaker 03

  Isn't that it?

• 1:00:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, we don't know. We have been nominated.

• 1:00:17Kirk Hamilton?

  Clearly a very prestigious award.

• 1:00:20Speaker 02

  We are shit talking, but we weren't prepared.

• 1:00:22Jason Schreier?

  I've been, I've been nominated for a damp butt award.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  Ooh.

• 1:00:26Kirk Hamilton?

  Oh, a dampie.

• 1:00:29Jason Schreier?

  All right, everybody. Well, thank you again to everybody for listening.

• 1:00:32Kirk Hamilton?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:33Jason Schreier?

  And thanks for being members.

• 1:00:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, for being members.

• 1:00:35Jason Schreier?

  Thank you for making it all the way through this.

• 1:00:36Kirk Hamilton?

  Happy Max Fun Drive.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  For making it all the way through this. This was a reward. We rewarded you.

• 1:00:42Kirk Hamilton?

  We hope you had fun.

• 1:00:43Jason Schreier?

  Oh, man, let's go to dinner.

• 1:00:44Speaker 02

  Yay, hot dogs. Hot dogs all around.

• 1:00:48Kirk Hamilton?

  Bye, everybody.

• 1:00:49Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 1:00:52Kirk Hamilton?

  Triple Click is produced by Jason Schreier, Maddy Myers, and me, Kirk Hamilton. I edit and mix the show and also wrote our theme music. Our show art is by Tom DJ. Some of the games and products we talked about on this episode may have been sent to us for free for review consideration. You can find a link to our ethics policy in the show notes. Triple Click is a proud member of the Maximum Fun Podcast Network, and if you're listening to this bonus episode, it means you're already a member, so thank you. We really appreciate your support. Find us on Twitter at TripleClickPod, send email to [email protected], and find a link to our Discord in the show notes. Thanks for listening. See you next time.

• 1:01:50Speaker 04

  Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artist-owned shows.

• 1:01:54Jason Schreier?

  Supported.

• 1:01:55Speaker 04

  Directly.

• 1:01:56Jason Schreier?

  By you.