Dr. K Analyzes Bobby Lee

Harvard-trained Psychiatrist and Healthy Gamer founder Dr. K joins TigerBelly and Bobby ends up in a surprisingly honest conversation. We chat meditation bliss, the crash after comedy specials, gaming addiction vs drug addiction, ego and relationships, psychedelics, porn and dopamine, and the question that stops Bobby in his tracks. Limited Time Offer – Get Huel today with my exclusive offer of 15% OFF online with my code TIGERBELLY at huel.com/TIGERBELLY http://huel.com/TIGERBELLY. New Customers Only. Thank you to Huel for partnering and supporting our show! For simple, online access to personalized and affordable care for Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit www.hims.com/Belly https://www.hims.com/Belly See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:26Speaker 01

  It's a place for overstimulation.

• 1:30Speaker 02

  It's like a fever dream.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  It's a fever dream.

• 1:36Speaker 00

  It's like, uh, okay?

• 1:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. It's a new song I'm working on.

• 1:40Speaker 00

  He's a musician as well.

• 1:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, great.

• 1:43Speaker 01

  It's a place for overstimulation. It's a fever dream.

• 1:49Bobby Lee?

  I got the lyrics down. Give me another one.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  Oh, um.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Oh, um.

• 1:54Speaker 02

  Chaos central.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  Chaos central.

• 1:59Speaker 02

  Degenerate.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Degenerate.

• 2:03Bobby Lee?

  What are you doing? Your headphone teacher?

• 2:07Speaker 04

  Yeah. Headphone teacher.

• 2:10Bobby Lee?

  Headphone teacher.

• 2:12Speaker 04

  That's a rock band.

• 2:13Bobby Lee?

  Teaching how to use the headphones.

• 2:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:16Bobby Lee?

  Just trying to get my vocal stuff ready, you know, for the pod.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  It's sounding good.

• 2:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, because I just woke up, so I have not even really hear.

• 2:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, I was gonna ask, how long ago did you wake up? Let's be honest here.

• 2:25Bobby Lee?

  Seven minutes ago, maybe eight minutes. Eight to 10 minutes ago.

• 2:28Speaker 04

  What time did you go to bed?

• 2:29Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my God, I don't even know. It was a rough one. 6:30.

• 2:33Speaker 04

  Why, why?

• 2:34Bobby Lee?

  6:30 in the morning, playing Starfield again, grinding it out.

• 2:41Speaker 05

  Music to Dr. K's ears. 6 a.m. gaming.

• 2:44Bobby Lee?

  Dr. Alok K.

• 2:47Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 2:48Bobby Lee?

  Doctor, let's all meditate.

• 2:51Speaker 05

  You want to meditate?

• 2:52Speaker 02

  Can we actually meditate? I do. I really want to.

• 2:55Bobby Lee?

  You think I'm a liar?

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Wait, what?

• 2:58Bobby Lee?

  Are you accusing me of being a liar? I just said, let's meditate.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you were doing some fake shit, like you were just...

• 3:02Bobby Lee?

  You're a fake shit.

• 3:03Speaker 02

  You're a fake shit.

• 3:05Bobby Lee?

  We have a guest here. What are you getting combatted for?

• 3:08Speaker 02

  I wanted to meditate, I said.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  They used to date.

• 3:11Speaker 05

  They used to date Dr. K for 10 years.

• 3:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, okay, let's get it. First of all, let's start here, okay? He's from Houston, Texas, right?

• 3:19Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 3:19Bobby Lee?

  He's a psychiatrist. Okay. Very handsome. Yeah. Not in a sexual way. I didn't say that in a sexual way.

• 3:26Speaker 05

  No, I'm saying it in a great way.

• 3:28Bobby Lee?

  You know, I've never hooked up with an Indian person, but, you know.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  Really?

• 3:32Bobby Lee?

  No, I've never have.

• 3:33Speaker 02

  Really?

• 3:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  That's surprising.

• 3:35Bobby Lee?

  I want to.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  Weird.

• 3:37Bobby Lee?

  But I'm not a gay either.

• 3:38Speaker 05

  What's surprising about that?

• 3:43Speaker 05

  I'm just trying to figure out what exactly what kind of energy I should be bringing today.

• 3:49Speaker 05

  You know, so it's... I can see that you're ramping yourself up.

• 3:52Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no, here, let's... I can come down to your level.

• 3:55Speaker 05

  Oh. I can come up to yours.

• 3:57Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 4:00Speaker 05

  Or, Bobby, you can come up to mine. Why do you assume mine is lower? You gotta...

• 4:06Bobby Lee?

  Slam! Slam, doctor!

• 4:08Speaker 05

  Just because we're quiet doesn't mean that we're not energetic.

• 4:11Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 4:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:12Bobby Lee?

  Hey, you know what I mean?

• 4:14Speaker 04

  Like snaps?

• 4:15Speaker 05

  So we can...

• 4:16Bobby Lee?

  Love.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  You don't have opposable thumbs?

• 4:32Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 4:33Bobby Lee?

  Sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  What a revelation. He doesn't have opposable thumbs.

• 4:37Speaker 05

  You can't snap your fingers?

• 4:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I can't do any of that.

• 4:42Bobby Lee?

  Anyway, um.

• 4:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:44Bobby Lee?

  So, you're, sorry.

• 4:45Speaker 05

  It's all good.

• 4:53Bobby Lee?

  Did you meet Kat?

• 4:54Speaker 05

  I met Kat earlier, and I'm sorry, can I get your name?

• 4:56Speaker 02

  It's Khalyla.

• 4:57Speaker 05

  Khalyla, okay.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's a little bit of a tongue twister, but, yeah.

• 5:00Speaker 05

  Cool. I'm all.

• 5:02Bobby Lee?

  So I will go up to your level.

• 5:04Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 5:05Bobby Lee?

  Okay. Because you were meditating earlier in the green room, I heard.

• 5:08Speaker 05

  I was.

• 5:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  The bathroom?

• 5:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's, every time in the bathroom is meditation.

• 5:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. What are you being rude for?

• 5:16Speaker 02

  No, I'm not being rude.

• 5:16Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 5:17Speaker 05

  No, so seriously, if you guys want to know like the ecstasy of meditation.

• 5:20Bobby Lee?

  I'd love to.

• 5:20Speaker 05

  All you have to do is imagine, you know, when you really need to go pee, and then you like finally like get into the bathroom. So I think the best example of this is if you're on a road trip, and you like pull over to use the bathroom, and then you go into the bathroom and you really need to go, and it's full. And then you have to wait, and then that like 30 seconds where you're waiting for someone to make room.

• 5:43Bobby Lee?

  Is it one or two?

• 5:44Speaker 05

  Uh, I'm talking about one.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  One.

• 5:46Speaker 05

  I think it's easier to do with one, but.

• 5:48Bobby Lee?

  I do it with two, but anyway.

• 5:49Speaker 05

  But, yeah, two is, two is.

• 5:50Bobby Lee?

  You can do it with either one.

• 5:51Speaker 05

  We can talk about two in a second.

• 5:53Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  Cause I feel like that's a whole nother type of restraint that like I have to tap into like dig, really dig deep for that one.

• 6:02Speaker 05

  Yeah. And then, then, then when you go, it feels absolutely bliss.

• 6:06Speaker 02

  Eye rolling, yeah.

• 6:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, right, so, so that's, that's what we're shooting for when we meditate, is that sensation.

• 6:12Bobby Lee?

  Whoa, the relief.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, so it's relief and it's bliss. What it actually is, is the alleviation of desire. See, we think that like fulfilling our desires makes us happy, but when we really fulfill them, we make them go away. Does that make sense?

• 6:28Speaker 02

  Yes. Wow.

• 6:29Speaker 05

  Right?

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:30Speaker 05

  So, so this whole time, we're like trying to chase our desires, but actually getting rid of them, it's the stillness afterward, right?

• 6:37Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  But that only lasts for- That's what I wanted, um, well, we're gonna, we're getting to, uh, ahead of ourselves, but-

• 6:42Bobby Lee?

  We're not.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Um, it goes right along, it's, when I think about how you felt after you finally filmed your special, and then you went into a deep depression.

• 6:50Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  Um, is it, sorry?

• 6:53Speaker 05

  Let's talk about that. I mean, that doesn't sound like-

• 6:55Speaker 02

  I mean, it's like-

• 6:56Speaker 05

  Deep depression is the opposite of what we're going for, but we should absolutely talk about it. We're going for, uh, blissfulness. When I, when I think about-

• 7:08Speaker 05

  But, but I-

• 7:08Speaker 02

  There had been this like bowl of-

• 7:11Bobby Lee?

  In your face, dude. Opposable thumbs.

• 7:17Speaker 02

  Why is it, do, like you said, like, why, why do we feel so empty after the goal has been achieved? A lot of times.

• 7:25Speaker 05

  Well, I think we gotta ask you. So tell me about the special.

• 7:28Bobby Lee?

  What? Yeah, I would know. So what happened was, for about a year and a half, um, I was preparing for this thing, this event.

• 7:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:37Bobby Lee?

  And, um, I had a lot of fear behind it, because it's like, I had never done a special before.

• 7:44Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 7:44Bobby Lee?

  There was a lot of pressure to involve, like, you know, a lot of people online, and were like, "You're never gonna do one," or, you know what I mean, you know what I mean? It's been on and on this thing, and I finally signed a deal with a company, and I'm like-

• 7:56Speaker 05

  Nice.

• 7:56Bobby Lee?

  So I spent a year and a half working, working, working, working, and, um, I worked harder on it than I've never, I've worked on anything else. And then I was, then the week of, real dread, you know?

• 8:08Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 8:08Bobby Lee?

  But I was prepared, and then I got sick that week.

• 8:11Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 8:12Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I got sick that week. There was a lot going on, and, you know, she was there, she was there, everyone was there. Everyone here was there. And I, um, and then it came off pretty good, you know, I mean, I, I did it, and, um, and then the following week, it was so depressing. I just, I had this, like, not emptiness, but it was just like a, I had to get on Lexapro because of it.

• 8:34Speaker 05

  What were you feeling?

• 8:36Bobby Lee?

  This, you know, I have always had a low humming of depression.

• 8:40Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 8:42Bobby Lee?

  Like a buzz, you know what I mean? Nothing that's like, you know, too despairing, you know? It wasn't like crippling, it was just always there.

• 8:51Speaker 05

  Just overcast.

• 8:53Bobby Lee?

  Overcast of sadness.

• 8:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:55Bobby Lee?

  And I would have glimpses of joy, you know, but it's always been there. Ever since I was a kid. It sort of deepened that level of depression. It was always like it went at like a couple of levels below that. And then I, um, I just couldn't get out of it. And so my psychiatrist was like, let's try Lexapro. Because it was the first time I ever really even mentioned this low level of depression. But it was just like an awareness of it that was like glaring after the special.

• 9:26Speaker 05

  What were you expecting yourself to feel?

• 9:30Bobby Lee?

  Victory.

• 9:31Speaker 05

  After the special?

• 9:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and just like, I did it. And I did feel that, I mean, you know, that, that weekend.

• 9:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:39Bobby Lee?

  It was great, I was, you know, I was talking to everybody out backstage. There was a lot, there was a lot, like a lot of magic happening.

• 9:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 9:46Bobby Lee?

  All my reps were there, you know what I mean? The theaters were packed, you know what I mean?

• 9:50Speaker 05

  Twenty years in the making, so.

• 9:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, it was just, there's a lot happening, you know? It was like all the executives were like coming up to me like, we got it, that's amazing. You know what I mean? It was just like everything that I thought was gonna go wrong didn't happen. What are you, is that your listening face?

• 10:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:07Bobby Lee?

  Why do I smirk though?

• 10:08Speaker 04

  I'm not smirking, I'm just happy to hear it, cuz it was really good and I've had, yeah.

• 10:13Speaker 05

  What bothers you about her smiling?

• 10:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's get into that.

• 10:18Speaker 05

  Is that a joke?

• 10:22Speaker 05

  I mean, look, like, we can joke if you guys want.

• 10:24Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no.

• 10:25Speaker 05

  I was, I was born on Twitch, so like.

• 10:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I'm not joking.

• 10:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:28Bobby Lee?

  It annoyed me.

• 10:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, what, yeah, what?

• 10:30Bobby Lee?

  I don't know what it is.

• 10:32Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 10:33Bobby Lee?

  Okay, but let me, let me address, write that down, write that down.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Can you show me what it looked like at?

• 10:39Bobby Lee?

  She was like feeling jolly listening to the story.

• 10:42Speaker 05

  I, I, I think she was engaged.

• 10:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:45Speaker 05

  She was, she was.

• 10:46Bobby Lee?

  Normal stuff.

• 10:48Speaker 05

  No, no, I mean, but, but it's like she's engaged, right? But her, if she's smiling even a little bit, she's engaged, but what she's, what she's projecting to Bobby is amusement. And like Bobby is talking about, this is something that's 20 years in the making. This is a guy who's had overcast skies his whole fucking life. And then you have your monumental achievement. And right before he goes into it, everything is about to go wrong. He's never done it before. It's a real special. Everyone's showing up. He's saying everyone in the room was there. That sounds supportive. It's fucking terrifying because when he fucks up, because he's sick, right? He's never done it before. He's practiced. Everyone tells him he's gonna be great, but he doesn't know that.

• 11:31Speaker 05

  He's never told anyone about the overcast skies. So what if, what if he fucks up? Right? This is his shot. And then it's magical. And everyone is, is celebrating and you feel those celebrations too. Sorry to get into it. But then the next day, the one thing that doesn't change is the overcast skies. Right? And so when we have, when we spend 20 years of our life building up to something, we think it will change something fundamental within us, but it doesn't. And then what do you do?

• 12:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what do you do?

• 12:03Speaker 05

  Right? Cause now you have achieved. Everyone told you, oh yeah, like Bobby, the reason that you're unhappy is because you haven't made it quite enough.

• 12:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 12:10Speaker 05

  And then you make it and then you wake up the day, in the next day and the overcast, the clouds are still there. And then you're fucked.

• 12:19Bobby Lee?

  What's so, see, that's what I'm saying. At the same point, at the same point when I was telling my story, that's when you were smirking, you smirked at the same exact point. What the fuck is your problem?

• 12:31Speaker 04

  Do you think that is a rational response?

• 12:34Speaker 05

  I, I, I think, I think if we're, if we're, I, I think that it is very easy for someone to burst out laughing. If someone bursts out laughing, when we talk about the depth of how someone is fucked. I think it's a not inappropriate reaction to get

• 12:52Bobby Lee?

  It's not.

• 12:53Speaker 05

  upset with that. Not to make you the bad guy.

• 12:57Speaker 04

  He loves it though.

• 12:57Bobby Lee?

  But it's not an appropriate reaction.

• 12:59Speaker 05

  It's not, and I know you guys, y'all all do this thing where like, he's like mad at you, right? But this is a fucking comedy podcast, so then everybody laughs about it.

• 13:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 13:08Speaker 05

  And this is the one time during the comedy podcast where if you laugh, he gets mad, which is weird, right?

• 13:13Speaker 04

  Sometimes he hits me, is that normal?

• 13:16Bobby Lee?

  I don't hit you, that's insane!

• 13:19Speaker 05

  So, so now you're clapping back, you see that?

• 13:21Bobby Lee?

  You're clapping back, yeah.

• 13:22Speaker 05

  Cause, cause.

• 13:23Bobby Lee?

  Let's talk about her.

• 13:23Speaker 05

  No, no, no.

• 13:24Bobby Lee?

  Look at what she's doing!

• 13:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 13:25Bobby Lee?

  Fucking lobster hands!

• 13:26Speaker 05

  So, so, it's important, right? Because if he's, if he's bearing his soul and you laugh, which I think like, we all use humor as a defense mechanism. And, and then, and then now like, I make you, now the lens is on you. And so you're like, okay, let's divert the lens off of me, oh no, he hits me. Especially in the climate of the Epstein files.

• 13:44Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 13:45Speaker 05

  And so he is a man. And, and so, oh my god, now, now, oh god.

• 13:49Bobby Lee?

  What are you accusing me of? Yeah, anyway, let's.

• 13:53Bobby Lee?

  Alright, so, let's go back to the special, alright?

• 13:55Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 13:55Bobby Lee?

  I apologize.

• 13:57Speaker 04

  I, I'm sorry too.

• 13:58Bobby Lee?

  That's what I wanted.

• 14:01Speaker 05

  What was that, just now?

• 14:02Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 14:02Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, what is that?

• 14:03Speaker 05

  I, I don't know, I mean, what are you guys?

• 14:05Bobby Lee?

  I don't either.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  Cause I can't tell, I, I feel like y'all are deeply uncomfortable, but also authentic. Like, I think that was like, like, I know we're pretending to joke, but I think if people are watching this, like, there is, there's actually something really important about that exchange.

• 14:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 14:20Speaker 05

  Actually, now you can see it in her face, you see it?

• 14:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 14:23Speaker 05

  That doesn't bother you now, right?

• 14:24Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 14:25Speaker 05

  Right, there's something really genuine.

• 14:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so funny, I think what you're like.

• 14:30Speaker 05

  I guess this is what we're doing today.

• 14:33Bobby Lee?

  He's like, I'm here to talk about my book, but. We're gonna talk about your book.

• 14:37Speaker 05

  Why?

• 14:41Bobby Lee?

  No, but you just put a spotlight on a behavior.

• 14:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:47Bobby Lee?

  Right? And the thing is, is that I don't think as, I don't think we are, I don't think that anything I do is real. I think it's all deflection. I think it's all like, you know what I mean? Not listening. I think it's a lot, you know, and this, it's very glaring.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:02Bobby Lee?

  I'm like that with like, like I was with Eric Andre the other night. And I hadn't seen him in years, right? And he kept pulling my shirt up repeatedly, you know what I mean? Right? And then, um, it was really awkward, you know what I mean? He was like, kind of, and it was like, and I realized that that was my relationship with every comedian. Didn't, just, there's no, how are you, this and that. It's just.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  Play.

• 15:25Bobby Lee?

  It's all play. It's all like, you know what I mean? Let's not think about what's really going on or being in the moment or feeling or anything like that, you know what I mean? Or sharing things.

• 15:34Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 15:34Bobby Lee?

  And it's like, I don't have, in A, I do have deeper relationships, I think, but with, you know, with everyone here, I think it's, I don't think it's real. I mean, I've been trying with Gilbert.

• 15:45Speaker 02

  What in the?

• 15:45Bobby Lee?

  I've been trying with Gilbert.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Oh, I mean, he.

• 15:47Bobby Lee?

  What, what do you mean? No, with you, fine.

• 15:50Speaker 02

  What the hell?

• 15:51Bobby Lee?

  What the fucking hell with the deposable thumbs?

• 15:54Speaker 02

  We were, Dr. K, for some context, we were together for a decade.

• 15:58Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:59Bobby Lee?

  And now we're.

• 16:00Speaker 05

  I think, you know what would be fun?

• 16:03Speaker 02

  Please tell us.

• 16:03Speaker 05

  If you guys don't give me context.

• 16:05Bobby Lee?

  Ooh.

• 16:07Speaker 04

  So what do you think our relationship is, Bobby and I?

• 16:09Speaker 05

  Give, give me time, though.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 16:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, you gotta give him time, dude.

• 16:12Speaker 05

  Just keep, keep. We'll see, we'll see if I can figure it out.

• 16:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so.

• 16:18Speaker 05

  We're together for a decade, but aren't anymore.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Aren't anymore.

• 16:21Bobby Lee?

  No, no.

• 16:22Speaker 05

  And now co-host a podcast.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  We co-hosted while we were together as well.

• 16:28Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 16:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:29Speaker 05

  We'll get into that later. His brain went.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:32Speaker 05

  That's interesting.

• 16:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, it's business.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  Ew. That's so not how I see it.

• 16:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, right.

• 16:40Bobby Lee?

  It's business and pleasure. No, uh, it's business. I'll tell you what it is. It's.

• 16:45Speaker 00

  No one's asking you what it is.

• 16:47Bobby Lee?

  It's business and family. It's business and family.

• 16:49Speaker 05

  Tough nut to crack right here.

• 16:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  That's what.

• 16:51Bobby Lee?

  Let's go back to the, um.

• 16:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay.

• 16:53Bobby Lee?

  All right.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Let's start somewhere.

• 16:55Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 16:55Speaker 02

  Stick to some.

• 16:56Speaker 00

  Can I get a, can we get a clock? Can we do one more?

• 16:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's do a proper intro first, can we?

• 17:00Bobby Lee?

  I, we did it.

• 17:01Speaker 05

  No.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  Okay, okay.

• 17:02Bobby Lee?

  Did we not?

• 17:04Speaker 05

  I, I think we can do an intro if you want to, but I, I think I have introduced myself if people are listening to this.

• 17:10Bobby Lee?

  That's exactly how I felt about it, Dr. K.

• 17:12Speaker 05

  Right, so, I mean.

• 17:13Bobby Lee?

  God, I love you, man. You're a good guy. What?

• 17:17Speaker 02

  Nothing.

• 17:17Bobby Lee?

  Dude?

• 17:18Speaker 02

  Nothing.

• 17:19Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 17:19Speaker 05

  I, I'm starting to love you too. I'm getting there.

• 17:23Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 17:23Speaker 05

  Not quite there yet. I think I'm gonna get there, though.

• 17:26Speaker 02

  You'll get there.

• 17:26Bobby Lee?

  I, I think you'll get there.

• 17:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:28Bobby Lee?

  Uh, everyone gets there. Um, wha- that's weird.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was, the wink, the wink was weird.

• 17:35Speaker 05

  It, it's, it's bro code.

• 17:37Bobby Lee?

  It's bro code.

• 17:38Speaker 05

  It wasn't weird.

• 17:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it's, it's a code that you don't fully understand.

• 17:41Speaker 05

  I, I winked at him too. You didn't see that, but I.

• 17:44Bobby Lee?

  Ron Alex?

• 17:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:45Bobby Lee?

  It's a language.

• 17:46Speaker 05

  Did you guys see the wink?

• 17:46Speaker 00

  I saw it.

• 17:47Bobby Lee?

  You don't fully understand it, but you all got it, right, guys?

• 17:49Speaker 00

  His is also way more subtle.

• 17:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 17:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Woo, woo, woo, come on, guys, woo, woo, woo, okay.

• 18:00Speaker 00

  You give you. For you. Ooh, yeah.

• 18:07Speaker 00

  Mornings are very chaotic. Sometimes you wake up, you gotta get ready, you're late for work, you gotta drop off the kids, you're just not really thinking. You know what you miss the most in the morning is breakfast, is eating a meal. You always skip meals. And that's where Black Edition Ready to Drink helps you in the morning. These RTDs are a lifesaver.

• 18:25Bobby Lee?

  RTD, have you heard of that?

• 18:26Speaker 00

  No.

• 18:26Bobby Lee?

  The emergency high protein complete meal.

• 18:29Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 18:29Bobby Lee?

  Powder it has.

• 18:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:31Bobby Lee?

  The controlled, customizable, high protein, complete meal, my friend.

• 18:34Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 18:35Bobby Lee?

  And let's talk about how pairing both keeps you from falling off routine.

• 18:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:40Bobby Lee?

  Let's talk about it.

• 18:40Speaker 02

  So for both products, you get 35 plus grams of protein.

• 18:45Bobby Lee?

  I'm gonna drink one right now.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  You are?

• 18:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, cuz I want it.

• 18:47Speaker 02

  Okay, so the RTD is 35 grams, the powder has 40 grams.

• 18:50Speaker 00

  Oh, let's go.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  27 essential vitamins and minerals, gluten-free, no artificial sweeteners, colors, or flavors. Under $5 per meal.

• 18:58Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my God. Hitting Protein Ghost is easier when the default choice is Healthy.

• 19:02Speaker 00

  Heal.

• 19:03Bobby Lee?

  It's a great bundle for building habits of or supporting workouts.

• 19:06Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 19:07Bobby Lee?

  Heal.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  You can use the powder for your days at home, or RTD for sprinting out the door days. You can just bring that bottle on the go.

• 19:13Bobby Lee?

  Heal.

• 19:14Speaker 00

  Kalala, for people that don't understand, 35 grams of protein is a lot.

• 19:19Bobby Lee?

  It's a lot.

• 19:20Speaker 02

  It's a lot. You guys, when I'm trying to, you know, they say like, oh, 1 gram of protein per pound. Do you realize like how I'm calculating that in my head? I'm like, I gotta eat 60 eggs.

• 19:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 19:31Speaker 02

  I can't do that. I can't do that. I gotta eat 3 whole chickens. I can't do that, which is why protein.

• 19:37Bobby Lee?

  Sometimes I eat like 30 chickens. I'm like, I don't even have enough.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  I mean, sometimes. So this is when Heal comes in, it's just, and you.

• 19:44Bobby Lee?

  Don't eat 30 chickens, drink Heal.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  And you get the.

• 19:46Speaker 00

  That's the slogan.

• 19:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:48Speaker 00

  If you're trying to stay consistent, this combo makes it super, super easy. Limited time offer. Get Heal today with exclusive offer of 50% off online with our code TIGERBELLY at heal.com/tigerbelly. New customers only. Thank you to Heal for partnering and supporting our show. Get it.

• 20:06Bobby Lee?

  Hims, hair.

• 20:09Bobby Lee?

  Hims, hair.

• 20:12Bobby Lee?

  I love Hims. I've been using Hims. It makes my hair thicker. Hims offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingredients that work, including choose oral medication, serums, and sprays. You know, you got, your hair game's not there. You gotta use Hims, man, because doctor-intrusted ingredients like finasteride and minoxidil can stop further hair loss and regrow your hair in as little as 3 to 6 months.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  And you shouldn't have to go out of your way to feel like yourself, right, Bobby? Hims brings expert care straight to you with 100% online access to personalized treatment plans that put your goals first. No hidden fees, no. Your price costs just real personalized care on your schedule.

• 20:48Bobby Lee?

  No hidden fees.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  No hidden fees. And you can think of Hims as your digital front door that gets you back to your old self with simple 100% online access to trusted treatments for real health concerns, all in one place.

• 20:59Bobby Lee?

  It's just one place.

• 21:00Speaker 00

  For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit hims.com/belly. That's hims.com/belly for a free online visit. hims.com/belly.

• 21:10Speaker 06

  Featured products include compounded drug products, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety, effectiveness, or quality. Prescription required. See website for full details, restrictions, and important safety information. Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride.

• 21:31Bobby Lee?

  Who, who, who? Okay. So, um, and then I was in a deep depression. Deep depression. And I was talking to my psychiatrist, Dr. Mike, and... What? Anyway, and, and he, we talked about it. So I, so then I got on Lexapro and...

• 21:51Speaker 05

  Burp thing is fine.

• 21:53Bobby Lee?

  I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. That was deep.

• 21:55Speaker 05

  Better out than in, I say.

• 21:56Speaker 00

  It was just like the longest. You were staring directly in his eyes.

• 22:02Bobby Lee?

  I'm so sorry.

• 22:02Speaker 00

  He went...

• 22:05Speaker 00

  I'm interrupting this. I'm sorry.

• 22:07Speaker 05

  No, no, it's, it's better out than in.

• 22:09Bobby Lee?

  It's better out. That's a good, that's a good. My grandfather used to say that.

• 22:13Bobby Lee?

  He never said that.

• 22:14Speaker 05

  We'll talk about that when we do number two.

• 22:16Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah. You'll remember, you'll remember all the little points.

• 22:18Speaker 05

  All the little points.

• 22:19Bobby Lee?

  This is great. This is gonna be a three hour podcast. I can tell. All right.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  The pad, please.

• 22:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, of course.

• 22:23Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah. Get the pad. Get the pad going. So anyway, I, um...

• 22:29Bobby Lee?

  I had never seen, so a little backstory about me is that with all the, every TV show or movie as an actor, that I've never really seen it. And especially doing stand-up, I've never seen anything. I just can't watch myself. So then I got on Lexapro and... You know, the editing, my, my, um, my special, I have another podcast called Bad Friends. On the second floor of Bad Friends.

• 22:54Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 22:54Bobby Lee?

  So I just can get, go up and watch, you know what I mean? So I watched the whole thing a couple of times through. And I don't know if it's the Lexapro or my growth as a human being, I think it's the Lexapro. But I can sit there and watch it and not really judge it. And I really, the first run through, I was like, I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good, you know, I, I, it's like, I, I was astounded by some of my, the timing of like being more relaxed. Cause when I was a young kid, I used to be, you know, and I couldn't stand silence, but here I was like, the transitions were smooth.

• 23:34Bobby Lee?

  And I was pretty relaxed. Anyway, I, I was pretty proud of it, you know, so, um, but I don't know if that's the Lexapro or whatever, you know what I mean?

• 23:40Speaker 05

  When did you watch? How many, how many days or weeks after you watched it?

• 23:46Speaker 05

  How many, how long after it aired, did you watch it?

• 23:49Bobby Lee?

  Probably three weeks.

• 23:50Speaker 05

  So you had been on Lexapro for three weeks at that point?

• 23:52Bobby Lee?

  It doesn't air until November, but we're, they're editing it. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, yeah. So, but, so I got on Lexapro and then two or three weeks later, I saw the special. I recently saw it, like maybe three or four days ago.

• 24:04Speaker 05

  And, and how would you have expected, what would you have expected from your reaction that wasn't there? Cause you're almost sound, you make it sound like you were surprised by your lack of rumination, judgment. Like you could, you could watch it and appreciate the work that you do.

• 24:21Bobby Lee?

  What was the question again?

• 24:23Speaker 05

  So when you watched it?

• 24:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 24:25Speaker 05

  You were, it seems like you were surprised that you were not more judgmental.

• 24:29Bobby Lee?

  Mm-hmm. And then what?

• 24:31Speaker 05

  So what, what would, if you hadn't been on Lexapro?

• 24:35Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 24:35Speaker 05

  Cause it's not clear that it was Lexapro.

• 24:37Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 24:37Speaker 05

  But if you had been on-

• 24:38Bobby Lee?

  I think, I assumed that I would have been like, really more judgy about it.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  In the past, he's like just cringes and runs away when he's had to watch any of the stuff.

• 24:49Bobby Lee?

  Tom, Tom was like, a reservation, that's what I did.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, so we went to a screening of one of, um, one of the shows that he was on, a regular on. And we went through the whole party, the whole thing.

• 25:02Bobby Lee?

  It's okay.

• 25:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. I'll, I'll.

• 25:03Speaker 02

  Okay. He said hi to everyone. Once it was time, once the actual episode went on, he like froze. Like you could visibly see him like just fully clench.

• 25:15Bobby Lee?

  And then I got up.

• 25:16Speaker 02

  Then got up and then started walking away like not even saying bye to anyone or even like signaling to me like, hey, we're out of here. He was just almost like a fight or flight. Like I gotta get the fuck out of here.

• 25:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 25:27Speaker 05

  Do you remember that?

• 25:28Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah. I really do remember that. I just happened for a goat. I, I mean that goat movie that animated movie.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:35Bobby Lee?

  I went to the premiere. As soon as I heard my voice, I left.

• 25:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:38Bobby Lee?

  So I did fuck up there. You know what I mean? I just heard, I heard Andrew Santino. He's so good in the movie, his voice.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:46Bobby Lee?

  And then you hear mine. I'm like, like I had this like reaction of like, I gotta get out of here.

• 25:52Speaker 02

  But is that a common thing, Dr. K, to not feel comfortable watching ourselves, even hearing our own voice?

• 25:58Speaker 05

  Dude, I cannot watch myself.

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Okay, cool. That makes me feel.

• 26:01Bobby Lee?

  What is that?

• 26:03Speaker 05

  I mean, so I think it's a couple of different things. So one is, I guess this is, it's interesting. No one's ever asked me that. I just had this thought. We have an idea of who we are in our heads. It's very different from who we are in the world.

• 26:18Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah.

• 26:19Speaker 05

  Right? So I, I think first and foremost, like when I listen to my voice, I can't stand my voice. I consider my voice to be excessively nasally. Um, and so I, I think sometimes it's just hard to see our performance because we have so many protective illusions about who we are. And then when we see ourselves, I think there's also probably like a cognitive bias. So on the one hand, we have like a protective cognitive bias. On the other hand, I'm, I'm guessing that most human beings, if they look at their work, they will probably highlight the worst parts.

• 26:53Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 26:54Speaker 05

  Right? So when I like cook for my kids, they'll eat it. I mean, they'll, they'll love it. They'll gobble it down. But then I will, I will hyper-focus on the things that I got wrong.

• 27:04Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 27:04Speaker 05

  Right? So I think some people, especially who are. Very craft oriented, because in order to be Michelin star chef, successful comedians, podcast hosts, right, we have to be critical of our own work. So I think there's a lot of that. I think with Bobby, there's another layer, though. So I think there's like, regular humans, no offense Bobby.

• 27:25Bobby Lee?

  None taken, none taken.

• 27:27Speaker 05

  And then there's the extraordinary.

• 27:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 05

  But I, I, I mean, I, I think that, you know, it's, it's clear to me already that you carry around a lot on the inside, like your internal environment.

• 27:41Bobby Lee?

  Oh, baby, what's up?

• 27:42Speaker 05

  You know, whether it's the substance use, whether it's being a comedian, you know, like, there's something about... I, I don't know exactly what's going on. I'm, I'm curious, just a couple of questions pop into my mind. When you watch yourself, do you, is the thing that is the most disturbing that that isn't you?

• 28:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, here's what, the first thing comes up is, oh, that's what I kind of look like.

• 28:11Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 28:12Bobby Lee?

  It's a little shocking.

• 28:13Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 28:13Bobby Lee?

  You know, um, I, I always thought that like, I always had this thought where it's like, let's say, there was no such thing as mirrors, or even a pond, where I could see my reflection, and we were just kind of, for 30 years I was existed, and then one day, somebody invented a mirror. If I saw myself, I would probably take a shock and just, I, I, my brain, you know what I mean, I think that. Because in my mind, I'd be like, oh, I'm Brad Pitt!

• 28:37Speaker 05

  What?

• 28:38Bobby Lee?

  I look good! And if I saw the mirror, I, I don't think, I don't, I don't think it would be, I would ingest well.

• 28:42Speaker 05

  But, but it's, it's not, but you know, there are mirrors, right? So you're seeing something on the screen that is not just your physical appearance. When you see yourself on a screen, what bothers you so much about what you see? What makes it intolerable? Because it's intolerable, like, he gets up and he just walks out.

• 28:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I, I think more with acting is my, I've always been paranoid as an actor. You know what I mean? Because people make fun of me, like, you're not that good of an actor. So then it's like, you know, I, um, when I watch myself, I just, with the real, because I love film and television, too, I just grew up with it. So I just, I kind of like, just compare myself with, you know, and I've done scenes with, you know... Big actors, you know, before Ben Kingsley, Jamie Lee Curtis, these kinds of, you know, people, you know what I mean? I think that's what happens as an actor. As a comic, I think what happens is I'm friends with the best comics on planet Earth. And I've just watched them. So then, when I watch myself, I just, in my mind, I'm like, I'm not as good, you know what I mean?

• 29:41Speaker 04

  Which is crazy, though, because like the way we see you is insanely talented. Just like, being at his special, like, it was

• 29:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 29:49Speaker 04

  insane. And I know that's like, I don't want it, but it was just crazy that you don't have that perception of that.

• 29:57Bobby Lee?

  I'll tell you, I'll give you an example. When I was at my special, right before they were gonna bring me up, just the whole audi- There was a couple of shows where they were chanting my name and they were just standing already, you know what I mean? And it's a little bit of a shock of like, you know, I mean, like, oh, you know, I felt that.

• 30:18Speaker 05

  What did you feel?

• 30:19Bobby Lee?

  Like, oh, they, people like me. Because you don't get that at that, like, at clubs or-

• 30:23Speaker 05

  Did that, did that feel good?

• 30:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. It felt, it felt like, it gave me the confidence to tear it up.

• 30:31Speaker 05

  Nice.

• 30:32Bobby Lee?

  I, I felt it. I was like, okay, I'm gonna rip this, you know? It was like, there was no way to fail. That's what I felt. Now, if they were like tight and quiet, you know, I mean, because I've been, I've, you know, as comics, we perform in front of tight audiences. You know, I mean, I was expecting that. I was expecting the worst. That's why I worked so hard. That's what we did. We did shows that were almost impossible to do well on the road before, like, you know, I mean, like, tough markets or, and whatnot. Because I just knew that I wanted to prepare myself for any situation. And then when it actually happened, I was like, I think I prepared too much. It was like, oh, it's just a show, you know? Anyway, what's up?

• 31:12Speaker 05

  I, I think that's huge. So, I mean, this is gonna get a bit, I'm trying to figure out how to say this.

• 31:21Speaker 04

  You're gay. No, I'm just kidding. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't, no, no.

• 31:25Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no. Let's, can we analyze that?

• 31:30Bobby Lee?

  Did you just hear that?

• 31:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, I did hear.

• 31:34Bobby Lee?

  How'd you feel when you heard that?

• 31:37Speaker 04

  You can't use it against.

• 31:39Bobby Lee?

  I'm not using, I'm just, it's an interesting thing.

• 31:41Speaker 05

  I, I, I think she's carrying a lot of responsibility.

• 31:44Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 31:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's go with this.

• 31:48Speaker 05

  So like, like here, like this is a podcast that is extra loud. And then I'm thinking, there's, there's just ordinary volume.

• 31:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:57Speaker 05

  And then there's, there's volume that's above the ordinary.

• 32:02Speaker 00

  He's purposely been breaking his headphones not to listen.

• 32:07Speaker 05

  And, and so I, I, I think it's, you know, so I'm, I'm trying to think through something. My, my challenge is that I think if I explain it now, it won't make sense yet. So I'm trying to think about.

• 32:17Bobby Lee?

  I, I, I can, I can understand things.

• 32:19Speaker 05

  No, no, I know you can understand things. It, it, it, it's just, I, I feel like this is one of those things where it's like, if we talk a little bit more, I think maybe it'll become clear.

• 32:27Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 32:27Speaker 05

  Um, and then I think what Kat, Kat has the challenge of filling the space, right? So, so you're, you're tuned in, like we're quiet.

• 32:37Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 32:37Speaker 05

  But like if people are listening at home, so I think she's actually, she's, she's serving a very important role, which oftentimes women do. She's, she's the.

• 32:48Speaker 05

  No, I'm serious. This is, this is what you, a woman gets socialized to do, right? So.

• 32:52Bobby Lee?

  Although you're socialized to do it.

• 32:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 32:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:54Bobby Lee?

  Soviet style.

• 32:55Speaker 05

  Do you feel the responsibility?

• 32:57Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:57Speaker 05

  Right?

• 32:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 32:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:59Speaker 05

  Right? So, so it's like, it's like she has to step in and make sure that like things are okay for everybody. Whereas you and I.

• 33:05Bobby Lee?

  Calling me gay.

• 33:06Speaker 05

  Yeah. Actually, yes. I mean, if you think about it, if you think about it, it's, it's such a low effort joke, right? No offense.

• 33:16Bobby Lee?

  Let's get it, let's get it.

• 33:17Speaker 05

  When in doubt.

• 33:18Bobby Lee?

  Lowest, lowest effort of a joke. It's the bottom of the barrel.

• 33:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:22Bobby Lee?

  Let me say that. Okay, good.

• 33:23Speaker 05

  In case, like break glass in case of emergency.

• 33:26Bobby Lee?

  Exactly.

• 33:27Speaker 05

  Call somebody gay. Right? Like that's, that's what happens.

• 33:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:32Speaker 05

  So, so.

• 33:33Bobby Lee?

  It's like a primal.

• 33:34Speaker 05

  This actually, this actually signals to me that she's trying really hard.

• 33:37Bobby Lee?

  That's not trying hard.

• 33:39Speaker 05

  No, I mean, no, cause she's, dude, she's good, right? So if, if she's trying hard.

• 33:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:44Speaker 05

  And, and she produces such a shitty joke.

• 33:50Speaker 05

  Like, that's like you're at the bottom of the barrel.

• 33:52Bobby Lee?

  At the bottom, at the bottom.

• 33:53Speaker 05

  Desperation, right?

• 33:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, desperation.

• 33:54Speaker 05

  It's not, it's not...

• 33:55Bobby Lee?

  Okay, I think we're done. Open mic, open mic, he...

• 34:00Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 34:00Bobby Lee?

  I mean, yeah, I get it. I'll go back to his depression.

• 34:04Speaker 05

  Khalyla next, okay, Kat?

• 34:05Bobby Lee?

  Yes, please do. Yeah.

• 34:07Speaker 02

  Oh, I have a lot of questions. I'm, I came prepared and loaded. No, but let's leave the bottom.

• 34:10Speaker 05

  Yeah, so, so, I guess this is just what I'm gonna say at this point. So like, I know this is gonna sound kinda weird, but this comes down to like, who you are? And like, what, what people are, okay? So, the first thing that I wanna point out is, you are so worried. So like, anxiety and rumination and thoughts in your head of living up to a standard. So, in our own head, we have an ego. An ego is like, an identity of what we think we are.

• 34:41Speaker 05

  The crazy thing is, what we are is not what we think we are. I know it sounds like really simple, duh, but like, when you, the moment that you heard people... So, high expectations makes you over-prepare. High expectations makes you paranoid. High expectations makes you anxious. When people are laughing and clapping and chanting your name or whatever, they're standing, right? You would expect in that moment that the expectations are actually at their highest. Because you're about to go on stage and everyone is already excited. So you would think that that would trigger a crisis in your ego, right? Because this is like, now the expectations are like, here. It's not like expectations over six months of preparation, 18 months of preparation. It's like, oh fuck, these people are expecting me to show up and, and laugh, right?

• 35:26Speaker 05

  So then something really cool happens, where if you step away from ego and into yourself, and that's what you did, right? You were like, "This is just a show," or some, something like that. You said something that was really simple, that actually wasn't about you. It wasn't about whether you can do it, or not do it, deliver, or not deliver. It's like, I come on stage...

• 35:47Speaker 05

  Okay, I come on stage.

• 35:49Speaker 04

  Period.

• 35:51Speaker 05

  I was trying to think about whether that would sound bad or I, anyway. So, I, I, I, now I'm stuck.

• 35:59Speaker 05

  So, when you come on stage, you show up on stage. Dude, the way his face is like. Sorry, I'm processing. So, when you come, when you go on stage.

• 36:09Bobby Lee?

  Go up on stage.

• 36:10Speaker 05

  When you go on.

• 36:11Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, just go up.

• 36:12Speaker 04

  Get hard on stage.

• 36:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, when you go up on stage, right, so there is the actual performance of the comedy. There is, actually, I would say the embodiment of the comedy. Right, so if people are expecting you to embody the comedy and you embody the comedy, then it's fine.

• 36:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 36:28Speaker 05

  But.

• 36:29Bobby Lee?

  I think what you're, can I just say a couple of things? All right, number one, it's that as a comic, I know how to read a room. Right, so it's like, when they were cheering and they were like, the energy.

• 36:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 36:42Bobby Lee?

  I just know what that is, right? And I read the room, it had nothing to do with like, you know what I mean? Rising to an occasion.

• 36:50Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 36:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:51Speaker 05

  Right, so you were, and you want to say a couple of things?

• 36:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, another thing, oh god, you're so good.

• 36:57Bobby Lee?

  The second thing is, is that, I don't know what it is, and I think that, I always tell younger comics, I go, it's not the funniest person that makes it in the business. It's not. It's, I know, I knew so many people at the open mic stage growing up where I was just like, oh, this person is a star. They're just the best jokes, they have the looks, they have everything. But, you know, the difference between them and me is, is that, the guy that makes it is the person that can perform under immense amounts of pressure. There are just some people that are, you know, really good, and then, you know, when The Tonight Show comes out to go see them, they just can't do it. They're not themselves, you know what I mean?

• 37:41Bobby Lee?

  They, they crumble under the weight of it, you know? And the one thing that I've, I'm pretty 90% of the time, I've always hit the ball. In the right moments, I just, I rise to the occasion. Like, I did that tonight too when I was a kid and I just, I knew that I had to do well and I just rose to the occasion, I did it. You know what I mean? So it's like, I don't know if, I'm not the most talented, I just can just do it, you know what I mean? In terrible situations, you know what I mean?

• 38:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, so I, I think that's, that's actually what's so scary, right? Because you can't control who shows up. So, so I, I would almost say like, you know, when you, when you do, the work of doing the comedy is, is like, so you kind of tap into that. And like, you read the room and then you're not thinking about living up to expectations. You're reading the room and you're with the room, you're in the present and you are doing the work of comedy. That's what it means to show up. And when you actually show up, all of the thoughts and expectations that you have actually empty from your mind. You're not thinking about it. You're not thinking about doing a good job, you're just doing the work of the comedy. And, and I'm with you that when you say, you know, they crumble on stage, what is it that crumbles? What crumbles is the ego, the identity. They get too trapped in their head.

• 38:54Speaker 05

  Then they start to choke. Once they start to choke, the choking gets worse. Once you're like, oh my god, I'm choking.

• 38:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 38:59Speaker 05

  Right?

• 38:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 39:00Speaker 05

  And, and so, I, I think there's a really important, like, I work with a lot of people who are, for lack of a better term, high performers. And, and what we try to teach even on YouTube and on the internet is like, how to tap into that best version of yourself and leave the ego behind.

• 39:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 39:18Speaker 05

  Right? So instead of living up to an expectation, do the action. Like, become, I know this is sound, it's not gonna sound cheesy, but like, become one with the action, become completely egoless, become a vessel. And, and when you do that, that's what, that's what really knocks it out of the park. And it doesn't matter. I mean, you can talk about, you know, Olympic athletes who will like, enter the zone, you'll talk about the flow state, you can talk about people who are, you know, creative, comedians, performers, stuff like that. And I'll even work with people who are like, day traders and, and people in finance and it's the same. There are some times where like, you know, you're paranoid about whether a trade you're making, like, should I buy crypto, should I sell crypto? But then there, there are times where like, you almost become omniscient and you just like, know.

• 40:02Speaker 05

  Like, like something in your subconscious, everything clicks.

• 40:05Bobby Lee?

  I've never heard that word before.

• 40:07Speaker 04

  It's ever-present.

• 40:08Speaker 05

  That's omnipresent.

• 40:11Speaker 05

  Um, not, not to, not to make.

• 40:18Bobby Lee?

  Cat, Cat, Cat, what are you doing to me?

• 40:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay, anyway.

• 40:24Speaker 05

  I just realized I, I mansplained.

• 40:26Bobby Lee?

  It's okay. No, you need to have with her.

• 40:28Speaker 05

  Oh, well, well, watch it. That was.

• 40:30Bobby Lee?

  Well, you're directing it to me. You're the, you're the one. You know what I mean?

• 40:34Speaker 05

  Yeah. Anyway, so, so I, I think that's, and I think the really scary thing about that is that you never know if you, you can't be sure that you're gonna do that. Right? Like, like the 18 months when you're anxious? You can't predict that when you're about to go on stage and everyone is, is ready for you and, and you're gonna, you just show up in the right way. Like, well, at least what's, what terrifies me. So, so I, I, I gave a, probably the best talk I have ever given in my life, and I'm afraid that that was the peak. So I, I went to a conference and I gave a talk that was just fucking spectacular. Like, I've, I've never done it that good. Crushed. Um, crushed. And then, so the first thing that happened is people were like, can you come back next year?

• 41:17Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 41:18Speaker 05

  And, and so, you know, I was talking to my wife and, and so she was like, yeah, of course he can come back next year. And then I, I was trying to convey to her that like, I'm, I'm terrified because I think that like, everything that I showed up and no one expected anything.

• 41:31Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 41:32Speaker 05

  And I knocked it out of the park.

• 41:32Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I see, I see, I see.

• 41:33Speaker 05

  And, and so now the problem is like, people have expectations.

• 41:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:37Speaker 05

  And, and people sometimes don't realize like, how terrifying expectations are.

• 41:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:42Speaker 05

  Right? Cause everyone around you is looking at you, you know, like, I've seen you do this a thousand times. Like, it's totally fine. Like, you're gonna do fine. Like, it'll be fine.

• 41:48Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 41:49Speaker 05

  But to be the one who has to produce that? Right? Like, that's, it's, it's fine for other people to recognize the pattern of your success and say, you've done this 999 times. Of course you can do it a thousandth time. But when you're the one who has to show up the thousandth time and you know how close disaster was? Each one of those 999 times, which no one sees, right? They just see the finished product. They don't see, see the blood, sweat and tears that went into it.

• 42:17Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 42:18Speaker 05

  Um, and, and that's scary.

• 42:19Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Um, but you'll be fine. You're gonna kill it.

• 42:27Speaker 05

  So I think actually the, the, the solution that I've, I've been, that I advocate.

• 42:31Bobby Lee?

  Wait, what's up?

• 42:33Speaker 04

  No, no, no.

• 42:34Bobby Lee?

  No, why'd you laugh so much?

• 42:35Speaker 04

  Because you just can't give him advice, he's giving you advice.

• 42:37Speaker 05

  Of course he can.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  Oh, he can give you.

• 42:43Speaker 04

  I thought it was, okay.

• 42:44Bobby Lee?

  What is going on with you, dude? Yeah, yeah, I'm wise as well.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 42:49Speaker 05

  No, I, I, I, I didn't see it as advice, but I mean, I think everyone. But I, I mean.

• 42:54Bobby Lee?

  It wasn't, it wasn't even advice.

• 42:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, he just said.

• 42:58Bobby Lee?

  It was just something to say.

• 42:59Speaker 05

  I, I think, I think he was trying to be reassuring. I would call that reassurance, like you're gonna kill it, like I don't.

• 43:04Speaker 04

  It's kinda like my gay comment, right?

• 43:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, right? So he's like, so Bobby's taking care of me now?

• 43:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's taking care of you.

• 43:11Speaker 02

  There's, there's this term when I was a competitive swimmer, I swam most of my life and I swam for the Philippine national team and up to D1 in college. And my favorite term we used to use was outside smoker. And when I was a favorite to win the race, I, if I was in lane four, which is where they put the fastest seeded swimmer. I never swam my best race, but if for some reason I was in lane one or lane eight and not expected to win, I always, always swam my best times. Like unanimously throughout like my 15 years as a swimmer. If you put me on the outside lanes with zero expectation.

• 43:50Bobby Lee?

  Oh, so the people on the outside lanes, I didn't know that.

• 43:52Speaker 02

  That's what they call the outside smokers.

• 43:54Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 43:54Speaker 02

  Because again, it was like when, because you know, like I had a lot of trauma around like my parents like pushing me to be like the best. But if you put me on those outside lanes, you knew, I just knew I would, I was free. I was free to just execute and.

• 44:07Speaker 05

  Just, just swim, right?

• 44:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. And it felt so good. Those are my favorite, like, I don't have a lot of positive memories as an athlete, but being on the outside lanes was like my favorite memory.

• 44:18Speaker 05

  And, and that's when you do the best.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:20Bobby Lee?

  When there's lower expectations.

• 44:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow. But how, so you never hit the ball when it was high expectations?

• 44:27Speaker 02

  I mean, I did, right? I would win, but in terms of posting my personal best or hitting like, I remember like, um. Um, one of the last meets I did, right before I got recruited to swim for a division one. Um, I was just coming off just a really tough year of not training. My dad was dying, a lot of things were happening in my life, so I was, there was just a lot of pressure to be like, I need this scholarship. I need this, we didn't have any money. This is the only way to get to college is if I swam fast enough. And I remember that race, it was an international race, it was a Q meet in Long Beach, and it just so happened that because it was an international meet, you had a lot of Olympians there. And I just wasn't the fastest seeded swimmer. So I swam in lane one.

• 45:12Speaker 02

  And I shaved four seconds off my personal best, got my senior cut and got recruited like literally the next week to division one.

• 45:19Bobby Lee?

  That must have been the happiest.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  It was so freeing to be so, like, from the beginning to the end, I was like, all I have to do is swim. I am literally nobody in this lineup, they're so much better than me. That there's no expectation and it was like, so, yeah, it was amazing. So.

• 45:37Speaker 05

  What were you saying, Ken?

• 45:39Speaker 04

  No, that I could, um, well, I was just saying, cause I'm like, like low in comedy, so it's like, when you have big names, like Bobby and Santino and all these guys, and you have to be on those lineups. You do feel like there's a lot, there's like not that much expectation, but then you also feel like, oh, I really gotta prove myself. But not in the way that you might feel, because you have people in the audience that are there to see you.

• 46:04Bobby Lee?

  I think the, uh, when, uh, it's, it's weird, you know, I don't really care as much too. Which is, I think, I don't know what that is. As you get older, you're just like, I don't really care what they think, really, you know? I cared so much in the first twenty years of me doing it. But now it's just like, I don't really, if I have a really bad set, it's not as devastating to me. You know, so it's like, it's just, it's time. And I think once you get to like, a certain level, you're just kinda like, okay. You know, I'm not gonna fucking beat myself up over something that's gonna, you're gonna be doing it for the rest of your life. Think of that. And also the things that like, I, I don't remember, I've done thousands and thousands.

• 46:46Bobby Lee?

  I don't remember any of them, I don't remember any of the reactions. Of, people will come to me like, hey, you know, I was there, Boca Raton, ninety-two, uh, not me, two thousand two, you know, me, second show, I'm like, I don't remember that, I was in Boca Raton?

• 47:04Speaker 00

  The first time you said that?

• 47:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it was the first time I ever said it.

• 47:07Speaker 00

  Boca Raton?

• 47:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  Is that how you pronounce it?

• 47:10Bobby Lee?

  Is that how you said it?

• 47:11Speaker 02

  I've never heard it, but yeah.

• 47:12Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean? Boca Raton?

• 47:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Florida.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:16Bobby Lee?

  Hey, I did it Italian way, you know? But anyway, sorry. But you had notes?

• 47:22Speaker 02

  Oh, I have so many questions.

• 47:24Bobby Lee?

  Go ahead.

• 47:24Speaker 02

  I haven't even like, but I feel as though it would make us hard pivot in a

• 47:28Speaker 00

  Hard pivot.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  In a different direction.

• 47:30Bobby Lee?

  Well, there's other things, but go ahead.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  Okay, so we're gonna hard pivot from your special, cuz I have so many questions that might be rooted in just personal experience.

• 47:38Bobby Lee?

  Dr. K, are you having a good time?

• 47:40Speaker 05

  What do you think?

• 47:41Bobby Lee?

  I think you're great. This is so much fun.

• 47:43Speaker 05

  I think it's great.

• 47:44Speaker 02

  I'm having a good time.

• 47:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:45Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm most worried about you.

• 47:48Speaker 05

  No, because you're the one who unfortunately gets, you know, you've become the villain. People villainize you a little bit. I'm serious. Like, so I'm gonna try my best to help you feel more comfortable.

• 48:01Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:02Speaker 05

  And now that I pointed it out, now you're even more uncomfortable, right? Cuz you were, but you felt, did you feel being villainized a little bit?

• 48:10Speaker 02

  Um.

• 48:11Speaker 00

  Be honest, be honest.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  Villainize, uh, sure.

• 48:14Speaker 05

  Right, so I know it's a strong word, but like, we gotta, we gotta take care of her.

• 48:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:17Speaker 05

  Okay, she's a good guy. She's part of the team.

• 48:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:19Speaker 05

  Can't leave her behind.

• 48:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  Are we ready to pivot?

• 48:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 48:22Speaker 02

  Okay, so some of these questions might be rooted in, um,

• 48:26Speaker 05

  Resentment from 10 years of a relationship?

• 48:28Speaker 02

  Yeah. But my first question is,

• 48:31Bobby Lee?

  Whoa, dude.

• 48:32Speaker 02

  Since, you know, you have a lot of background with gamers in general.

• 48:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:37Speaker 02

  How do you approach someone who doesn't see their gaming as a problem?

• 48:45Speaker 05

  So can I ask you a question?

• 48:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:48Speaker 05

  Did you think, so when y'all were together?

• 48:50Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 48:51Speaker 05

  Bobby was gaming a lot?

• 48:53Speaker 02

  I would say 16 hours a day.

• 48:56Speaker 05

  And you thought it was a problem?

• 48:59Speaker 02

  I'm codependent. Let's, I wanna be very clear on this. Because I tried to be the cool girl. And pretend that it wasn't a problem for so long because I was

• 49:11Speaker 05

  Very common.

• 49:11Speaker 02

  convinced that my assessment of him was he needed this to either stem or escape or soothe himself. So I convinced myself for the first couple of years that this is just what this man needs to get by. And, but after that, there was an awakening of, oh, I've completely abandoned my own needs because I've just let him roam free with this thing that he does for so much of our life together. And so, yeah.

• 49:41Speaker 05

  And then what did you do?

• 49:42Speaker 02

  I, I tried to address it, but I feel like I addressed it a little bit too late and in a way that wasn't effective because I, I sounded like a nag.

• 49:52Speaker 05

  Okay, so how did you address it?

• 49:54Bobby Lee?

  Nag.

• 49:54Speaker 02

  Nag.

• 49:55Speaker 05

  Nag means what though?

• 49:56Speaker 02

  It was like, I need, we need to be doing things outside of this. Can we go do this? Can we, you know, can you stop? Can you put that down? And it was just like constant.

• 50:06Speaker 05

  And how many times, like a day, every day?

• 50:09Speaker 02

  No, or that, or I would just shut down. And then, and wait for him to notice that I was, it's been six days.

• 50:15Speaker 05

  Okay, so.

• 50:16Speaker 02

  He's, yeah.

• 50:16Speaker 05

  So you were encouraging him to change his behavior?

• 50:19Bobby Lee?

  I mean Skyrim came out. What am I gonna do? So immersive. It's so immersive. Came out!

• 50:25Speaker 02

  And so that would keep the excitement.

• 50:27Speaker 05

  Bobby, which, which time? Cause Skyrim keeps coming out.

• 50:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:30Bobby Lee?

  I mean, the original, the first time it came out, it was like,

• 50:33Speaker 02

  There was a part of me.

• 50:34Bobby Lee?

  I was like, it's coming out? What am I gonna do? You wanna cuddle? No, I'm playing.

• 50:38Speaker 02

  I, I'm kind of,

• 50:40Bobby Lee?

  Come on, guy, woo, woo, woo, woo.

• 50:43Speaker 02

  I'm an over-understander and I understand like what he went through as a kid. So in my head, when he would talk about Red Dead Redemption was coming out in X amount of days. I was like, oh, he needs this, right? So then I felt guilt for even trying to like pry him away from this thing he was so excited about. And then, so I would go back and forth between being really angry and being like, you can't, can you just shut it down to being like, oh, fuck, I'm just gonna pretend that, you know.

• 51:10Speaker 05

  Okay, so, but, but what, can you shut it down would not work?

• 51:13Speaker 02

  It would not work, no.

• 51:14Speaker 05

  Right? So then, eh, when that wouldn't work.

• 51:16Speaker 02

  Then I would, yeah.

• 51:17Speaker 05

  And then, and then you're just like, well, this is not working.

• 51:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:20Speaker 05

  I guess I just have to. Take care of my own needs, handle it myself, he's gonna do whatever the fuck he's gonna do.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:26Speaker 05

  And then, and then the volcano of getting frustrated with him because you're in a relationship with a man who's playing Skyrim for 16 hours a day. And, and you have social needs, sexual needs, whatever.

• 51:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:37Speaker 05

  Right? Emotional needs, and then, and then you're like, "Hey, can we hang out sometime?" And then he's like...

• 51:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it was also layered by the fact that once the video game was shut off, it was, instead of connecting with me, then he would go straight to porn and jerk off and then go to bed.

• 51:54Bobby Lee?

  Oh, here we go.

• 51:55Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 51:55Bobby Lee?

  Here we go.

• 51:56Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 51:57Speaker 05

  So, so, so, I, I, I want to...

• 51:58Bobby Lee?

  The train again.

• 51:59Speaker 05

  Okay, okay, this is great.

• 52:00Bobby Lee?

  The train of doom.

• 52:00Speaker 05

  Okay, no, no, no, this is, this is...

• 52:01Bobby Lee?

  Circle, circle, circle. It goes nowhere.

• 52:03Speaker 02

  Sorry, I told you it was a hard hit.

• 52:04Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a circle, circle, circle of doom.

• 52:07Speaker 02

  By the way, I've like, we've reconciled, I've forgiven, it's all good now.

• 52:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, you like to bring up old stuff, huh? Yeah, listen, we're not together anymore.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  I know, I know.

• 52:13Bobby Lee?

  It didn't work.

• 52:14Speaker 02

  I know.

• 52:14Speaker 05

  You're no longer the villain, by the way.

• 52:15Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:16Speaker 05

  You're off the hook.

• 52:18Bobby Lee?

  I'm the villain, I'm the villain now?

• 52:20Speaker 05

  Yeah, you're so defensive.

• 52:24Speaker 05

  Right? Like, like, bro, bro. Go offensive, go offensive. Bro. So, so, let's just, let's, I'm, I'm with you.

• 52:29Bobby Lee?

  Hey, guy.

• 52:30Speaker 05

  I'm with you.

• 52:30Bobby Lee?

  No, no, no.

• 52:31Speaker 05

  I'm with you, I, I, I...

• 52:32Bobby Lee?

  You were together with the cat stuff, man.

• 52:33Speaker 05

  I still, I'm...

• 52:34Bobby Lee?

  She's the villain.

• 52:35Speaker 05

  So, listen, listen.

• 52:36Bobby Lee?

  What is going on here? How did I become the villain all of a sudden?

• 52:38Speaker 05

  What's, what, no, what's, no, but you, she villainized you.

• 52:41Bobby Lee?

  She villainized me, hey, yeah.

• 52:42Speaker 05

  I know, but that makes you the villain.

• 52:43Bobby Lee?

  So, she's the villain.

• 52:44Speaker 02

  Wait, villainize me back, so...

• 52:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:46Speaker 05

  Okay, let's, let's understand.

• 52:47Bobby Lee?

  She's a shithead.

• 52:48Speaker 05

  Okay, dude, so...

• 52:49Speaker 02

  Wait, by the way, you're free to villainize me back, I'm, it's fair game.

• 52:53Bobby Lee?

  She's bringing up old shit, guy?

• 52:54Speaker 05

  No, no, no, I know, I know.

• 52:55Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 05

  I know. So, so, so, so, step number one.

• 52:58Bobby Lee?

  No, step number one, she's still the villain.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  What?

• 53:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:01Speaker 05

  Well, wait, just, a, a, as soon as, so, she'll, she'll become the villain soon enough. On her own, on her own. Cause, cause now, now what's happening is y'all two are fighting, I'm in the middle right now.

• 53:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're not fighting.

• 53:15Speaker 05

  And then, and then if I ever take a step back, she's gonna feel so fucking uncomfortable that she's gonna have to step in.

• 53:19Speaker 02

  Ah, I see, I see.

• 53:20Speaker 05

  And call somebody in, right?

• 53:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:22Speaker 05

  You're both okay. I got your back.

• 53:24Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 53:24Speaker 05

  I also have your back. So, just because we're, so, so, she, so you were fine with being a degenerate 16-hour gamer, but when you're athlete... Swimming girlfriend.

• 53:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 53:34Speaker 05

  Complains because you're jerking off instead of having sex with her. That is like when you're like, no. Right? Like, you see what I mean?

• 53:41Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 53:42Speaker 05

  But, but, but I, I still have your back. Okay, but, but calling you out and having your back are not mutually exclusive.

• 53:48Speaker 02

  Oh, I like that.

• 53:50Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, you like that.

• 53:51Speaker 05

  Right? So, so what we're gonna do is we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna help you out.

• 53:55Bobby Lee?

  I don't need, I already addressed it.

• 53:57Speaker 05

  Okay, fair enough.

• 53:58Bobby Lee?

  I don't do that anymore.

• 54:00Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 54:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I, I, it was, it was one of those things where it's like, I, um, it ruined my relationship with Khalyla. And in this new relationship, I don't do it anymore.

• 54:12Speaker 05

  There's so much there, man. So, so, so it's growth for you.

• 54:15Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 54:15Speaker 05

  Right? But like, here's what's annoying for Khalyla.

• 54:18Bobby Lee?

  She's, she's got a man, she's got a baby now.

• 54:21Speaker 05

  Great.

• 54:21Bobby Lee?

  She moved on.

• 54:22Speaker 05

  Great.

• 54:22Bobby Lee?

  Better horizons.

• 54:23Speaker 05

  Great. If only that worked. So I, I, I think the real tragedy here is that, that, uh, both y'all have moved on and that's like healthy and great.

• 54:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:32Speaker 05

  And good for you.

• 54:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 54:34Speaker 05

  And also, for 10 years, I don't know if it was 10 years, right? She was living with this. So that's a lot of emotional energy. It's a lot of like rejection that builds up.

• 54:42Bobby Lee?

  It wasn't the full 10 years.

• 54:43Speaker 05

  Okay, whatever.

• 54:44Bobby Lee?

  The last five.

• 54:45Speaker 05

  Okay. Good. Right? So, so do you feel, do you feel, you feel it, right? So like, like when I make a mistake, like it needs to be corrected, which is good.

• 54:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 54:52Speaker 05

  But you, you feel like, like you're, you're signaling us, to us really hard, I'm not that guy anymore. And I, I put in the work.

• 55:00Bobby Lee?

  Sometimes I slip.

• 55:02Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 55:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:03Speaker 05

  Right?

• 55:04Bobby Lee?

  A week and a half will go by, I was like, I'll just jerk off tonight, whatever.

• 55:07Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 55:07Bobby Lee?

  I don't do it every night.

• 55:08Speaker 05

  So now, I, I'm gonna pivot earlier, where we're like, okay, we're gonna talk about the book. And I was like, why? Now is the time to talk about the book.

• 55:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, real good segue.

• 55:14Speaker 05

  So, so, so this is actually why I wrote a book. No, I should. But, uh, th- this is why I wrote the book. So, so I, I, I think that, so the book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer. Boom. This is why I wrote it.

• 55:27Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 55:27Speaker 05

  Because people are having this problem and they literally do not know what to do.

• 55:31Bobby Lee?

  Okay, okay.

• 55:31Speaker 05

  Right? So, so what people try to do is they try to change the behavior. Like, so you start to nag and then you get exactly into the position, Khalyla, I've heard your story a thousand times.

• 55:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:41Speaker 05

  Of like, you're trying Trying to get him to change and you're like, you nag, but that doesn't work. And then you kind of like ease off and that doesn't work. And then the other thing with it, which we didn't talk about is sometimes the nagging works, right? Like sometimes with a lot of effort, you can get him to stop for like a day or two.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:57Speaker 05

  But then the problem is like on a Saturday night, he's fine. And then on Sunday, maybe he's on his best behavior because you're threatening to break up with him or whatever. And then like Monday, like the moment that you stop nagging him, then it comes back. And then the really bad thing is like, you know, you can get, kind of get him to stop, but then you don't like the person you become.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  I hated the person I became. Like I felt like very much like a brute overlord.

• 56:28Speaker 05

  Right. So this is where, you know, this is, this is what the book is good at. So the book is there to teach communication skills that I think absolutely, I mean, it's, it's designed to help you have your kids develop a healthy relationship with technology. So you can set good technology habits and things like that. But I think this is where it teaches some of the most fundamental communication skills. So I think the, the way that you want to start is by asking Bobby, right? So it, here's a lesson I've learned doing addiction psychiatry for a while. You can't be sober for somebody else. Like you can try.

• 57:02Bobby Lee?

  I know.

• 57:03Speaker 05

  You know, you, you just can't do it. So the biggest problem here is as long as you are trying to get him to stop and he is not interested in stopping, there's no way to win.

• 57:13Speaker 02

  Right.

• 57:13Speaker 05

  So I think the first question is like, Bobby, how do you feel about your gaming? What's it like to play Skyrim for 16 hours a day? You know, like I know Skyrim is a great game. Like I played Skyrim. I think it's awesome.

• 57:24Bobby Lee?

  What's up?

• 57:24Speaker 05

  You know, and Skyrim is great. I played Morrowind. I played Oblivion.

• 57:28Bobby Lee?

  Ooh, deep cut, deep cut.

• 57:30Speaker 05

  I played Arena. I played Daggerfall.

• 57:32Bobby Lee?

  What the fuck I do? What's up dude? Bethesda all day, every day, huh?

• 57:35Speaker 05

  Yep. Well, you, you used to be Bethesda all day, every day. Nowadays.

• 57:40Speaker 00

  He doesn't play Fallout.

• 57:41Bobby Lee?

  So you didn't play Starfield?

• 57:42Speaker 05

  Did not touch Starfield. Played New Vegas, played Fallout 3. Haven't tried Fallout 4. I'm circling around though, maybe.

• 57:47Bobby Lee?

  Fallout 4 is great.

• 57:49Speaker 05

  We'll see. Speak, speaking of, speaking of expectations to live up to, I think this is the problem with Elder Scrolls 6 is like they just have such huge expectations.

• 57:57Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's why they haven't come out.

• 57:59Speaker 05

  I know. That's why they just, anyway, but getting back to. I had a problem with gaming addiction too. That's a joke.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:05Speaker 05

  But I, I, so I, I think just asking him, you know, what's going on? Like, what's going on with this? Like, how do you feel about this? So you want to start with like, open-ended questions? And as long as he views you as the enemy, he's gonna get defensive.

• 58:19Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 58:20Speaker 05

  And we're even seeing like, an echo of that come out in this conversation.

• 58:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:24Speaker 05

  Even though y'all have moved on, right? But you see like, the, the, a little bit of the resentment comes out, a little bit of the defense, defensiveness comes out. And, and y'all have absolutely moved on, I'm not trying to demonize.

• 58:32Speaker 02

  No, you're right, I'm sweating. Like, even just asking that question.

• 58:36Speaker 05

  Right.

• 58:36Speaker 02

  Like, it throws me back in this scenario of like.

• 58:38Speaker 05

  Exactly, so, so that, that's what hap- we get thrown back.

• 58:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:41Speaker 05

  We get thrown back, right? And, and Bobby is signaling to us, and it's important to acknowledge that, right? He's not the person he used to be. And you guys have, he has grown, y'all have moved on, he's in a new relationship now. He's been sober for four years? Right?

• 58:57Speaker 02

  Four years.

• 58:58Bobby Lee?

  Sure, sure have.

• 58:59Speaker 05

  And, and so there's a lot there to be proud of, and we'll get to that later.

• 59:03Bobby Lee?

  There's a lot, a real lot, a lot of lot, to be proud of, you know?

• 59:07Speaker 05

  Yeah. Are, you're on the verge of tears?

• 59:10Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 59:11Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 59:11Bobby Lee?

  I'm just like, going through something right now, man.

• 59:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, what are you, what are you going through?

• 59:16Bobby Lee?

  Uh, rage.

• 59:18Speaker 05

  Okay. What are you angry about?

• 59:21Bobby Lee?

  It's all such a scenario.

• 59:24Speaker 05

  What?

• 59:25Bobby Lee?

  It's like, you know, she brought up old stuff, man, you know?

• 59:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:27Bobby Lee?

  And it's all, I ruined our relationship. I accept that. You know, I changed my behavior too late, after, okay? And now we're friends, and I love her, right? But it's like, you know, I, um... Now, the video game thing, I've addressed the porn, the video game thing is, um, it's a problem. Still a problem, but, um, yeah, I, um...

• 59:56Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, anyway.

• 59:58Speaker 05

  Well, I will get back to the rage in a second. But I'm serious.

• 1:00:02Speaker 00

  Shell the rage.

• 1:00:03Speaker 05

  Yeah, right, so so I.

• 1:00:05Bobby Lee?

  Wait, wait, wait.

• 1:00:06Speaker 00

  Got it.

• 1:00:06Speaker 04

  Shelved.

• 1:00:08Bobby Lee?

  I'm good. I'm good. I'm good, dude.

• 1:00:11Speaker 04

  Did you fart?

• 1:00:13Bobby Lee?

  What is it with you gay fart? What is it with you today, dude?

• 1:00:17Speaker 00

  Gay farter.

• 1:00:18Bobby Lee?

  Simplistic comedy today, huh?

• 1:00:19Speaker 05

  See, now y'all have to be careful because I'm teaching y'all how to observe interactions, right? So now he's he's doing the work.

• 1:00:25Speaker 04

  Now he knows.

• 1:00:26Speaker 05

  Now he knows.

• 1:00:27Bobby Lee?

  Now I know what you're doing.

• 1:00:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:28Speaker 05

  So, yeah. But we'll we'll we'll get to the rage.

• 1:00:32Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:00:32Speaker 05

  But let's let's ask answer your question because I think that's a huge problem that people struggle with. Like, so if you have a partner who has a behavior that is harmful, what do you do? You ask open ended, non judgmental questions because he knows like so he's got rage, right? But he's saying he's move is beautiful that you brought up the rage. Because what the rage tells me is that y'all have moved on, but that rage is still there. So where is that rage coming from? That rage is coming from his mind when he was stuck in it. Like, he knows I've got a smoking hot girlfriend and like she wants to hang out with me and I I'm choosing to watch porn. Like, there's self loathing, right? I don't I don't know. I mean, there's some anger that probably got shifted to you, but

• 1:01:15Speaker 05

  I think most of the rage is is towards himself. And and so.

• 1:01:21Bobby Lee?

  It's okay, keep going.

• 1:01:22Speaker 05

  Yeah, thanks.

• 1:01:23Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:01:23Speaker 05

  So I think the key thing there is that we want to use that in a healthy way, right? So his own frustration with himself can come out, but not not if you're on the attack.

• 1:01:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

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• 1:03:04Speaker 05

  So I think just asking questions about like, hey, like, you know, what's it like when, when we're, you know, what's, what's going on with you? What are you experiencing? How do you feel about?

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  I feel like I should have done that way sooner, but I think that because I waited too long to even address it. It had already simmered into a, a place where I couldn't access the open ended questions. It was more like, fuck you, you know, like.

• 1:03:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  Too late. Go ahead, go ahead.

• 1:03:32Speaker 05

  Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

• 1:03:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it, it, you don't, it's, you understand that. You don't, you don't fully understand, right?

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• 1:04:13Bobby Lee?

  It's just like, she's oh so very difficult, alright, so it's just like.

• 1:04:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, I.

• 1:04:16Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, what I'm trying to say right now is this, okay? Yeah, I'll be walking the dog. I'll be walking the dogs outside, right?

• 1:04:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:22Bobby Lee?

  And I'm like, okay, they did it. She's like, no, they haven't done it. You gotta stay out there for thirty more minutes. Like, she had this kind of.

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  Did it?

• 1:04:28Bobby Lee?

  They went to the bathroom already, the dogs. I believe, because we used to live in an apartment building. I used to look up.

• 1:04:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:33Bobby Lee?

  And she'd be, and she'd be like, no, no, no, no, you know what I mean, another thirty minutes. She's very controlling in that way, you know what I mean? And, and very nitpicky too. It's like, why do you do this? Why do you do that? Why is this happening? You know, why is your foot so itchy? You know what I mean? And like, on and on and on.

• 1:04:47Speaker 02

  The way that I read it is more like, he didn't want to ever be inconvenienced to do anything outside to play video games. So even if it was like requiring, like, we had three dogs and I walked them ninety percent of the day. So, the, the thirty minutes that I asked for him to walk the dogs at night, it was such a big inconvenience that it became a fight because it was cutting into his game time. And so it was like every, every minor thing that needed to be done was a huge inconvenience.

• 1:05:17Bobby Lee?

  You're not like that? You're like that? I, I don't wanna get, I don't wanna get too deep.

• 1:05:20Speaker 02

  No, I have my own deep, I have issues. Yeah, I have a lot of anxiety.

• 1:05:25Bobby Lee?

  Good, I'm glad.

• 1:05:26Speaker 02

  OCD, I, oh, for sure. I'm not, I, I'm not saying I'm not, I'm so faulty. There's so many fucked up things.

• 1:05:33Bobby Lee?

  So many things.

• 1:05:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. So many, and we can talk about that.

• 1:05:37Bobby Lee?

  I don't wanna, I don't wanna. Because what we have now is good. I think, I think we're going to the past, right?

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:43Bobby Lee?

  And.

• 1:05:44Speaker 02

  But that's what I'm, this is something of interest to me, just because you aren't the only person who has a video game addiction. I see it in my family.

• 1:05:51Bobby Lee?

  He wrote a whole book about it.

• 1:05:53Speaker 02

  I know, that's why I see it in my young nephew.

• 1:05:54Bobby Lee?

  How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, okay? Check it out.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  I have a son now, so these are the things that I kind of wanna learn how to like mitigate, like, early on. Because he is gonna have some relationship with tech, right? No matter if like we're the most outdoorsy family ever, he is going to eventually stumble upon it.

• 1:06:11Bobby Lee?

  But I wish I provided.

• 1:06:15Speaker 00

  Wait, we're talking about a nephew.

• 1:06:17Bobby Lee?

  I provided.

• 1:06:19Speaker 05

  Okay, so let's, let's.

• 1:06:20Bobby Lee?

  The whole trip, go to Philippines, everyone gets to go. I mean Hawaii, you know what I mean? I provide, provide.

• 1:06:24Speaker 05

  Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. This is, this is really good. I, I hope people who are listening to this understand what's going on.

• 1:06:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:31Speaker 05

  To me, it's clear as day. Is it clear as day to y'all?

• 1:06:34Bobby Lee?

  Everyone's clear, everyone's day.

• 1:06:35Speaker 05

  So, so you feel.

• 1:06:37Speaker 02

  Everyone's gay.

• 1:06:38Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Gay.

• 1:06:39Speaker 05

  Okay. Okay, let's.

• 1:06:41Speaker 02

  Call back.

• 1:06:41Bobby Lee?

  Oh.

• 1:06:42Speaker 05

  Let's, let's be clear about what happened.

• 1:06:44Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:06:45Speaker 05

  I missed this, I stopped paying attention for a second.

• 1:06:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:48Speaker 05

  Okay, so she asked a generic question, right? She asked, how do you get someone who struggles with tech addiction? What do you, what should you say to them? And then I didn't let her get away with it. I asked her, no, no.

• 1:07:04Speaker 00

  Add emotions.

• 1:07:06Speaker 05

  And I asked her, that, I asked her, what, what, what happened in your life? So I'm the one that put y'all's relationship on the table. So I, I appreciate the fist bump, but. This is, this is, she tried to, she tried to remove you from the story. And then I asked her to put it back in.

• 1:07:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:25Speaker 00

  So he's.

• 1:07:25Speaker 05

  Right, right. So, so, and I think that's, the reason I did that is because like asking like, oh, how do you talk to someone? Here's five tips to get your partner to stop playing video. That's not what works. What works is like, understanding the dynamics, understanding the rage, understanding the codependency, codependency, understanding that even though we're done talking about it, and she admits that she's got issues and you respond with, I paid the fucking bills. Right, like, so like this, this, this rage, this rage that you have is like, it's buried deep. Right, and, and y'all have grown and now you're on the verge of tears. Are you?

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  Oh, no, I, no, I'm not, I'm not.

• 1:08:06Speaker 05

  So, so like.

• 1:08:07Speaker 02

  But maybe, maybe.

• 1:08:10Speaker 05

  There's

• 1:08:11Bobby Lee?

  Really?

• 1:08:11Speaker 05

  You know, so there's

• 1:08:12Speaker 02

  No, I think that I'm just more like, um, I, I, you know, because we really have tried so hard to depart from like that era of our lives.

• 1:08:22Speaker 05

  Absolutely.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  That like when you put it back on the table, it becomes very real in my body again.

• 1:08:27Speaker 05

  Yeah. So, but, but that's, that's what

• 1:08:29Bobby Lee?

  Body keeps a score.

• 1:08:32Speaker 02

  Does keep the score.

• 1:08:33Bobby Lee?

  Another, another book.

• 1:08:34Speaker 05

  Yeah. Bessel van der Kolk, fantastic.

• 1:08:38Speaker 05

  So, so, but, but I mean, I, I think it, you know, pardon, like pardon me for bringing it up again, but I think this, this is the, this is actually like, you know, asking a sterile question of like, what do you say? And just say this, does not even begin to capture the emotional difficulty of struggling with addiction. Right? And, and there, there's like this other element here of like, when she can't control one part of your behavior, she is going to displace that frustration and make sure you walk the dog for 30 fucking minutes, whether it's gone or not.

• 1:09:12Bobby Lee?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:09:13Speaker 05

  This is something that I see a lot frequently. I mean, it's not all, the things are not always gendered this way, but frequently I see this in female partners of men who have substance use problems or things like that. It's like, you're going to draw your line in the sand.

• 1:09:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:28Speaker 05

  Right? Cause you may not be able to win on this front.

• 1:09:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:31Speaker 05

  But when it comes to this front, like I'm going to draw my line in the sand and, and I don't care whether they've gone, if they've, they pissed, they've shit 30 minutes to 30 minutes. You can't even give up 30 minutes of Skyrim. There's so much anger into that. And then that comes across as controlling because in a sense it is, but it's the emotional energy behind it. And so another thing we talk about in the book is like how to get to the emotional energy underneath what is fueling the interaction. Cause when you ask me the question, what do you say? It's almost like, it kind of doesn't matter.

• 1:10:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:03Speaker 05

  What matters is you get to the emotional energy that is driving the behavior. And once that, it literally, once it comes to the surface. People are just more willing to be flexible. They're more willing to hear you out. They feel more understood. I know this is like actually kind of a tricky situation here that we're in right now. I don't know if it feels that way to y'all. But, I mean, it is. And, and so, so, you know, but like as I'm calling attention to like the various emotions that people are feeling, it becomes uncomfortable. But like, we gotta, we gotta like let it out, you know? And, and then it, it's tense for a while. Like it was like, you guys were like, we had an insight into your life from like five years ago or 10 years ago or whatever, right?

• 1:10:46Speaker 05

  We saw, we saw just a glimpse of what would happen in your kitchen or in your bedroom or whatever. When he's walking in with the dogs and you're standing there at the doorway and you're like, it hasn't been 30 minutes. Like, like we just saw a glimpse of that. And it, it's like ugly and I don't mean that in a bad way, but like this is what human beings are, right? When, when we're frustrated with each other and, and we're not happy and like, and you hate the person he's turning you into. That is such a huge theme.

• 1:11:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:14Bobby Lee?

  And then, and then when COVID happened, it was like winning the lottery. It was just like, it gave me kind of an excuse to play, remember? That little closet downstairs that was, whatever, that little.

• 1:11:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that was about.

• 1:11:25Bobby Lee?

  That was the end.

• 1:11:26Speaker 02

  That was the beginning of the end, even though we didn't know it at that time.

• 1:11:29Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:29Speaker 02

  Because then it was, he didn't have to go on the road and he didn't, it was like on full display, his addiction. And I had nowhere to run because it's like, where could I even?

• 1:11:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  We were in the confines of our home. And in the beginning, we were like, oh, well, in, in my fantasy land, I was like, oh, we get to hang out at home as a family. I was cooking meals, like, and it, that bubble burst so fast when I realized, oh, I get to see him practice his addiction in broad daylight every single day and I have nowhere to go. And so I, we didn't realize it at that time, but we didn't nip it in the bud either. And I became a person who was just the, what I, the person I didn't want to be was sweeping everything under the rug and I became her. I was just like, okay, let's just keep excusing it. And then it bubbled over into just the worst shit.

• 1:12:21Speaker 05

  So what, what do y'all think he's going through right now? I'm serious, it's not a.

• 1:12:26Speaker 02

  Right, presently in his life or in?

• 1:12:27Speaker 05

  No, no, no.

• 1:12:28Speaker 00

  He's, he's, he's rocking back and forth. I feel fine.

• 1:12:32Speaker 02

  I'm probably similar to what I'm feeling, which is like, fuck, we both saw this problem and like, we knew it was there, but like, we couldn't fix it. I was too lost in my own rage too. And like, feeling like I was the most undesired person on earth. That's truly how I felt. I was like, I might as well be like a 500 pound like, man at this point. Like, he would treat me the same. Like, I, I think what he's feeling is probably same as me, where it's like, we had a chance to fix it, because we knew what was wrong, but we didn't. We were stuck in our own fucking loops in our head.

• 1:13:13Speaker 05

  What, what?

• 1:13:14Speaker 02

  Cat, please. Something.

• 1:13:15Speaker 00

  Call somebody gay right now.

• 1:13:17Bobby Lee?

  You're one of your, you're one of your folksy-

• 1:13:19Speaker 02

  Ford.

• 1:13:21Bobby Lee?

  I'm sorry. Can you hear yourself?

• 1:13:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:24Speaker 02

  But also, I don't want to speak for you. If you're-

• 1:13:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, I, I, I think I get something different from him. Do you want to speak, or you want me to speak?

• 1:13:29Bobby Lee?

  Speak, please.

• 1:13:30Speaker 05

  Okay. I, I, I think, um, I think he carries, so, so you think he's feeling what you're feeling? I don't think so. So, I, I, I think, I think there's a lot more I in what he's feeling, and there's a lot more we in what you're feeling. That's the simplest way to put it. I, I think he blames himself.

• 1:13:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:46Speaker 05

  I think he, like-

• 1:13:47Bobby Lee?

  Here's, here's what-

• 1:13:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, a self-loathing.

• 1:13:49Bobby Lee?

  May I interject, doctor?

• 1:13:51Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

• 1:13:54Bobby Lee?

  Thank you. Um, I-

• 1:13:56Speaker 05

  You're welcome.

• 1:13:57Bobby Lee?

  God, I love you, man. Is the love better or not?

• 1:14:00Speaker 05

  It's getting there. Yeah, getting there.

• 1:14:01Bobby Lee?

  Or more or less?

• 1:14:02Speaker 05

  We're getting there. We're getting there.

• 1:14:03Bobby Lee?

  How long, when do we get there?

• 1:14:06Speaker 05

  I'll let you, I'll let you-

• 1:14:07Bobby Lee?

  We've been getting there.

• 1:14:08Speaker 05

  It takes some time.

• 1:14:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, 45 minutes, you were like, getting there.

• 1:14:11Speaker 05

  We're getting there.

• 1:14:11Bobby Lee?

  Okay, I get it.

• 1:14:12Speaker 05

  We're getting there.

• 1:14:12Bobby Lee?

  I don't think we're gonna get there.

• 1:14:13Speaker 02

  Are we getting there?

• 1:14:14Bobby Lee?

  We're never gonna get there.

• 1:14:18Speaker 05

  Don't, don't doubt yourself. You're lovable.

• 1:14:20Bobby Lee?

  I was kidding. Yeah, yeah. So, it's glaring, that addiction, the video game addiction. It's, you know, um, as problematic, here's the thing, here's the difference between drugs and alcohol, because I've been sober for four years.

• 1:14:38Bobby Lee?

  You know, you, it becomes more, drugs and alcohol, it affects people around you fa- fast. You know what I mean? It, it affects work fast, you know, um, people get really concerned because you're dealing with your health, you're dealing with, you know, uh, it's just, it's a bigger behavior that people, glaring, you know? And video games is a subtle addiction in many ways, right? It's just like, it's just so easy to justify, like, you know, I, I did, I did stand up, you know, I hung out with my friends and I'm just gonna play for eight hours or whatever. It's, you know, it seems, but the, the reasons why I'm doing it is what's glaring. It's just, I just don't wanna feel.

• 1:15:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:21Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? And it's, it's, it's definitely has replaced my drugs and alcohol addiction. Because even when we were dating back then, um, she, I was sober then too. So I, you know, I had big chunks of, of sobriety in my life and I would relapse. My, my point being is it's always been a substitution for this addiction not to feel or be in the moment or, you know, whatever. So it's like, you know, it's a real glaring thing. Even now, when I'm doing it now, it's like, I should be writing a new hour, but I'm not. I'm just playing a game that I played a thousand times, like Star, Starfield. I just went back because Crimson Desert's coming out, uh, March 19th and it's not out yet. You know what I mean?

• 1:16:02Bobby Lee?

  So I'm just killing time, going to an old game until Crimson, Crimson, I hope Crimson Desert's done.

• 1:16:08Speaker 02

  Another narrative also.

• 1:16:10Speaker 05

  So where, where are we, where are we going? Are we going to question number two?

• 1:16:14Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:16:14Speaker 05

  Are we going to rage?

• 1:16:17Bobby Lee?

  Let's, let's, let's, what's?

• 1:16:18Speaker 05

  I, I also am curious about what you feel that makes you, that what you're trying to run away from on the inside.

• 1:16:25Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean?

• 1:16:26Speaker 05

  Right, so you, you, you mentioned a couple of times that, like, when we play video games or use substances, like, you're just trying to get away from, like, something on the inside.

• 1:16:34Bobby Lee?

  I just don't feel, you know, I feel, I think, um...

• 1:16:40Bobby Lee?

  I think I've

• 1:16:44Bobby Lee?

  I have the right kind of concoction of things now. I I'm going to more AA meetings and you know, I went to my sponsor's house a couple of weeks ago and we started working the steps again. And then along with this new, these new medications and stuff, I think that I'm

• 1:17:01Speaker 05

  You're in a good place.

• 1:17:02Bobby Lee?

  Balance, you know, I, you know, I wish that I addressed some of this stuff when we were together, you know. It would have helped, I think, a lot, you know, but

• 1:17:13Speaker 05

  Let's get to question two, but Bobby, you should, you should be careful after this podcast. Okay.

• 1:17:18Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean?

• 1:17:18Speaker 05

  So like, make sure that, you know, if, if there's a chance that we're waking something for, for real, like this is like clinical for a second.

• 1:17:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:25Speaker 05

  Just, you know, if, if you start to feel like you There's a, there is a non-zero chance that these conversations

• 1:17:32Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:33Speaker 05

  will increase your risk of relapse.

• 1:17:34Bobby Lee?

  Oh, no, no, I'm fine.

• 1:17:35Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:17:36Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:36Speaker 05

  So you're

• 1:17:36Bobby Lee?

  100% fine.

• 1:17:37Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:17:37Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't give a fuck.

• 1:17:38Speaker 05

  But

• 1:17:41Speaker 05

  Right, we, I mean, like

• 1:17:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:42Speaker 05

  I know we're talking about stuff, but you know, we, we want everyone to be

• 1:17:45Bobby Lee?

  I'm fine, totally fine.

• 1:17:46Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:17:46Bobby Lee?

  It's entertainment.

• 1:17:47Speaker 05

  Okay, good.

• 1:17:47Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. Um, what second question?

• 1:17:49Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 1:17:50Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:51Speaker 05

  You doing okay?

• 1:17:52Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, good, good things.

• 1:17:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, she's

• 1:17:54Speaker 05

  Have you been muzzled?

• 1:17:56Speaker 04

  Huh?

• 1:17:56Speaker 05

  Do you feel muzzled?

• 1:17:57Speaker 04

  No, no, no, just observing.

• 1:17:59Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:17:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. I mean, what's going on with you right now? How are you feeling?

• 1:18:02Speaker 04

  Oh, I feel pretty good.

• 1:18:05Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:06Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, it's interesting. I've been thinking a lot about the ego.

• 1:18:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:18:09Speaker 04

  A lot. Uh, cause in this profession, you compare yourself.

• 1:18:14Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 1:18:14Speaker 04

  And sometimes that can be debilitating, uh, towards creativity. So just trying to be more present and more Just like embracing who you are, right? Cause there's not another person like you.

• 1:18:28Speaker 05

  Absolutely.

• 1:18:29Speaker 04

  So.

• 1:18:31Bobby Lee?

  I want to say something I observed the other night.

• 1:18:33Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:18:34Bobby Lee?

  Okay. This is a good thing. I'm not saying something negative.

• 1:18:37Speaker 04

  I get scared.

• 1:18:39Speaker 02

  You like to get a full body clench.

• 1:18:40Speaker 00

  I know, your whole body like.

• 1:18:41Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you had your notebook, whatever, you're running around, right? And you're like, you're hosting huge shows. Like, she's now hosting, like, you know what I mean? Jay Leno's on, I mean, all these big names, and she's, right? I mean, these huge shows, and she's, she's very beloved at the Comedy Store, and she, um, and you're, I can see you running around and your excitement, and you're in this big dream state, and I, I envy it. I wish, I remember that. I remember, like, in that period where, you know what I mean? Anything can happen, right? You don't know, yet, but you can see yourself rise. You feel the rise, right?

• 1:19:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:26Bobby Lee?

  And then you see, you feel the other people around you resent you.

• 1:19:30Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:19:30Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, but it's still like, no, I could feel it. I can sense it on your behalf. You know what I mean? Like, the, the, the eyes.

• 1:19:37Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:19:37Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? Especially from the ladies. You know what I mean? But the excitement, you're in a really exciting space.

• 1:19:44Speaker 04

  But it's scary.

• 1:19:45Bobby Lee?

  But it's, I'm telling you right now, it, you'll never get that again. Really feel this. It's so fun. That anything can happen, because when it does happen, it's a letdown, baby.

• 1:19:58Speaker 00

  My special.

• 1:19:59Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying is, is that this feeling that you have is everything. This is as good as it's gonna, as, as, as it's gonna get.

• 1:20:07Speaker 05

  Bobby, can I do something real quick? Can I, can I whisper?

• 1:20:10Bobby Lee?

  You can do whatever you want, guy.

• 1:20:11Speaker 05

  I'm gonna whisper a question in your ear.

• 1:20:13Bobby Lee?

  Oh, I love, I love whispers.

• 1:20:15Speaker 05

  I want you to ask her.

• 1:20:16Bobby Lee?

  Why can you ask her?

• 1:20:17Speaker 05

  I want you to ask it.

• 1:20:20Bobby Lee?

  Just make noise.

• 1:20:21Speaker 05

  Do, do, do, do.

• 1:20:22Bobby Lee?

  Okay, you're up.

• 1:20:22Speaker 05

  Okay. Ask that question.

• 1:20:25Bobby Lee?

  I, I know what, can I do it on my own time, guy?

• 1:20:27Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:20:31Speaker 05

  On my own time.

• 1:20:33Bobby Lee?

  So I love you.

• 1:20:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:20:34Bobby Lee?

  What's scary about it?

• 1:20:37Speaker 04

  Um, you don't, uh, there's just more pressure, more eyes on you and I don't want to fail. I feel tired from like, just feeling like, yeah, you're just, I, I feel there, there is, I, I'm, I know you have like an insane amount of pressure on you constantly, but I feel like there's like the first time there's like a few eyes on me and I feel just scared to mess it up or, you know, being compared to or it's, I know we have to be strong and be like, oh yeah, I don't care what people are saying about you, but it just like, it does, when you hear people talking about you or this and that, that can be scary.

• 1:21:20Bobby Lee?

  I see.

• 1:21:23Speaker 05

  So that was good, right? So, so I, I think I-

• 1:21:25Speaker 04

  You, you didn't, yeah.

• 1:21:27Bobby Lee?

  You didn't what?

• 1:21:28Speaker 04

  You, mm, mm-hmm.

• 1:21:30Bobby Lee?

  I'll tell you why I did that.

• 1:21:31Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:21:31Bobby Lee?

  Okay, is because I can, we can go on and on about it.

• 1:21:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:34Bobby Lee?

  I had so many other things I wanted to say, you know what I mean, about it, but I didn't want to. So in- instead, you mean, it's like, you know, um, let's move on, like, not move on, but, um, I don't know.

• 1:21:45Speaker 05

  Oh, okay, okay, okay. This is huge.

• 1:21:48Speaker 05

  So first of all-

• 1:21:49Bobby Lee?

  How the fuck?

• 1:21:50Speaker 00

  It's huge, dude.

• 1:21:51Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:21:52Speaker 00

  Watch this, watch this.

• 1:21:53Bobby Lee?

  It better be huge.

• 1:21:54Speaker 05

  Okay, do you guys-

• 1:21:55Bobby Lee?

  It better be huge.

• 1:21:55Speaker 05

  So, so, so, so, so.

• 1:21:57Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:58Speaker 05

  So, okay, I'm gonna try to stitch this together. So first thing is Bobby's telling you to cherish it. He misses it, it's gone for him, right? This is like, you only get to do this once, like popping your cherry.

• 1:22:08Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:09Speaker 05

  Okay, and next thing is, he knows, right? He knows how scary it is. He's like, the, the, the eyes are on you, especially the women. So he knows how scary it is. He's trying to be reassuring. And then when he asks you, when I tell him, you know, I ask you about the scaredness, because he's reassuring you, how, that doesn't work though. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it just doesn't, like, so here's another thing that you guys can learn in the book. Reassuring people doesn't fucking work. Telling them it is going to be okay, where you are where you are.

• 1:22:40Bobby Lee?

  Interesting, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:41Speaker 05

  Right?

• 1:22:41Bobby Lee?

  Interesting, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:42Speaker 05

  Like, not everybody gets to be you. Like, you are exceptional.

• 1:22:50Bobby Lee?

  What?

• 1:22:51Speaker 05

  Right? Like, like you said, hey, there's people who are successful.

• 1:22:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:54Speaker 05

  They're not the ones who are talented. They're the ones who fucking show up when they need to, and that is something that I have.

• 1:23:02Speaker 05

  I'm not done. Okay? Right? So, so, so, so. And, and she's, she's coming up. You see the talent in her, but you know what it's like to be afraid. And then here's the huge thing. When she talks about being scared, Bobby's response is flat. Now, we can think of him as an asshole. We should not think of him as an asshole, because that is the way he responds to his own scaredness.

• 1:23:28Bobby Lee?

  That was huge.

• 1:23:29Speaker 05

  This is, this is why he's tortured on the inside, because when he hurts, why is he fucking addicted to anything under the planet? Polysubstance use. This is not, so sometimes when we have addictions, we are addicted to a particular thing because we've got this fucking transporter, like the Gabba transporter. When we have a, a, a, a change in our Gabba transporter, we get addicted to benzos, like Xanax. We get addicted to alcohol. Some people get addicted to everything.

• 1:23:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:56Speaker 05

  Pornography, video games, drugs of choice, right?

• 1:24:00Speaker 02

  They're rainbow.

• 1:24:01Speaker 05

  And these are the people who, the way that they respond to themselves, he can't, he doesn't know how to sit with your scaredness. He literally doesn't know. And he has learned, he has been terrified for so long, that he has learned how to just like fucking blink. Right? And, and that's what's so hard. Does that make sense?

• 1:24:23Speaker 02

  Yes, totally.

• 1:24:24Speaker 05

  So it's huge. Huge.

• 1:24:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. But, um, I feel like by her saying that, you know what I mean? I was, she was kind of negating of what I was saying before, almost.

• 1:24:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:24:38Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:24:38Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:24:39Bobby Lee?

  Like, I was, like, here's the thing, is it's like, I don't know much about horse races, right? But it's like-

• 1:24:45Speaker 02

  Like the Derby?

• 1:24:46Bobby Lee?

  Like horse Derby?

• 1:24:47Speaker 02

  Horse, like Kentucky Derby, horse race?

• 1:24:50Bobby Lee?

  When they go in a circle, man.

• 1:24:51Speaker 02

  Like Sea Biscuit. Okay.

• 1:24:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, Sea Biscuit, man. Yeah, you know, where you gamble. Let it ride, you know, let it ride, you know? Richard Dreyfuss movie, you ever see it?

• 1:25:00Speaker 00

  For reference for everyone.

• 1:25:01Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:01Speaker 00

  Horses going in a circle.

• 1:25:03Bobby Lee?

  Right.

• 1:25:04Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:25:04Speaker 02

  Got it.

• 1:25:04Bobby Lee?

  And you're a horse breeder, right? And you know what horse, like you, you don't just go, hey, that guy. That's gonna be, are my guy. You have to watch him do things, right?

• 1:25:15Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:25:15Bobby Lee?

  As a calf, is that, it's a calf? And as you get older, you just know, and also the, their parents are important, right? But you just know that it's a winner. Or it's got potential to be a winner when you're a horse breeder, correct?

• 1:25:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:29Bobby Lee?

  Can anyone agree with me?

• 1:25:30Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:25:30Bobby Lee?

  Oh, great. And so what I was saying to her is that she's already, um, she's, you know, I don't want to refer to her as a horse, but I'm just saying that.

• 1:25:38Speaker 05

  Maybe choose.

• 1:25:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:41Speaker 05

  She's a prize horse.

• 1:25:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:42Speaker 05

  Prize, there you are.

• 1:25:44Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, she's a prize horse.

• 1:25:45Speaker 05

  Breeding quality.

• 1:25:45Bobby Lee?

  Right. So I was, yeah, she's, you're a good bred. Good breeding. I mean, anyway, um.

• 1:25:50Speaker 02

  Good.

• 1:25:51Speaker 05

  Mitchell, Mitchell. Pedigree.

• 1:25:53Speaker 02

  Pedigree.

• 1:25:54Bobby Lee?

  Good pedigree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good genes, good, good genes, you know?

• 1:26:01Bobby Lee?

  You got good genes. You got good genes. Um, you, um, what I'm saying is, forget it, let's move on. And next question.

• 1:26:08Speaker 05

  No.

• 1:26:08Speaker 02

  No, but I think too, what you're saying too, how that doesn't necessarily work when someone says, hey, I'm scared. And then you say, but you're so talented because when he's in, when he's in a bad way and he's like, hey, I'm really scared. And I'm like, Bobby, you're beloved. You're X, Y, and Z.

• 1:26:21Speaker 05

  Oh, does that work for him?

• 1:26:21Speaker 02

  He doesn't take it either. Yeah.

• 1:26:22Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, because the scaredness, here's the thing, the scaredness never goes away. I'm still scared.

• 1:26:27Speaker 05

  But it can.

• 1:26:29Bobby Lee?

  But it won't.

• 1:26:31Speaker 00

  That's huge.

• 1:26:32Bobby Lee?

  And that's.

• 1:26:32Speaker 05

  I, I, I.

• 1:26:33Bobby Lee?

  And that's the deal.

• 1:26:34Speaker 05

  I, I don't, I don't agree.

• 1:26:36Speaker 00

  Boom.

• 1:26:37Bobby Lee?

  Agree to disagree.

• 1:26:38Speaker 00

  I don't think he wants to agree at all.

• 1:26:39Bobby Lee?

  Oh, really?

• 1:26:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, so I mean, I, I, I think, so the scaredness, the, it, just because it hasn't gone away.

• 1:26:46Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:46Speaker 05

  It makes perfect sense for you to think it won't go away. Right? Cause it's never gone away. But.

• 1:26:55Speaker 05

  I mean, my job is making it go away. That's what I do for people. Right? And, and so I, I think it's, it's doable. Um, but once again, me reassuring you that it's doable ain't gonna work.

• 1:27:09Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:10Speaker 05

  Right? So instead, what I should do is, is, and I, I get what you're saying about, you know, you're trying to protect her. You're trying to, you remember what it was like to be scared in that way? And, and you care about her?

• 1:27:24Bobby Lee?

  I do.

• 1:27:24Speaker 05

  Right? And, and so you're like, hey, person who is coming after me, not like as in next, not like.

• 1:27:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:32Speaker 05

  You know, like, like be assured, like you will get there. He sees talent in you. He sees work ethic in you. He sees bright points and he remembers how, how frightening it was and he wants to try to take that away from you. Like he's trying to protect you from that, that.

• 1:27:47Bobby Lee?

  I was just mentioning that like she's in an exciting time in her life. That's all I was saying.

• 1:27:52Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:27:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I mean, I think we're like.

• 1:27:54Speaker 05

  Too, too, too much mountain out of a molehill?

• 1:27:56Bobby Lee?

  That's exactly it.

• 1:27:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:27:58Bobby Lee?

  I don't know how to say that. Too much mountain of the world.

• 1:28:03Bobby Lee?

  It's too fast.

• 1:28:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:04Bobby Lee?

  Too much mountain of molehill?

• 1:28:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:28:06Bobby Lee?

  Wow, that's a good one. Um.

• 1:28:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:28:10Bobby Lee?

  No, you're killing it. And I love you. In fact, I'd like you to have you back here.

• 1:28:15Speaker 02

  I'd like you to have you back here.

• 1:28:18Bobby Lee?

  I would love you to have you.

• 1:28:19Speaker 02

  I don't know if he wants to come back.

• 1:28:21Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:21Speaker 05

  I, I would love to be back.

• 1:28:22Bobby Lee?

  Every year you gotta come.

• 1:28:23Speaker 05

  I'm not ready to go.

• 1:28:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah. I really have learned a lot from you.

• 1:28:28Speaker 02

  I've got one question.

• 1:28:29Speaker 05

  Let's go through one, could we get one more?

• 1:28:31Bobby Lee?

  No, we're not done. I'm just saying.

• 1:28:32Speaker 02

  Questions I wrote down.

• 1:28:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go through some questions. Go ahead.

• 1:28:36Speaker 02

  I guess this is kind of already in that same vein because it's, it is another kind of addiction. But I wanted to ask you,

• 1:28:44Speaker 02

  what happens to the brain when someone consumes porn regularly? And what is the difference between a young brain, like a teenager, having access to non-stop porn versus an older person, 50s, coming across all of a sudden, you know, 8K porn, like for the first time in their lives, they have access to that. Like how does, how do those two brains?

• 1:29:08Bobby Lee?

  What are you talking about, Willis?

• 1:29:11Speaker 02

  I'm trying not to bring you into this.

• 1:29:12Bobby Lee?

  What you talking about Willis?

• 1:29:13Speaker 02

  I'm not trying to bring you into this.

• 1:29:14Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just did.

• 1:29:16Speaker 02

  No, I didn't.

• 1:29:17Bobby Lee?

  You said old guy.

• 1:29:18Speaker 00

  You're not the only old guy.

• 1:29:20Speaker 02

  You're not the only forty, fifty year old on the planet.

• 1:29:22Bobby Lee?

  What's AK mean?

• 1:29:23Speaker 02

  What I'm saying, 4K.

• 1:29:25Bobby Lee?

  Oh, 4K. I've never seen AK. Is there AK?

• 1:29:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:29:28Bobby Lee?

  Is there 16K?

• 1:29:29Speaker 00

  Is there?

• 1:29:30Bobby Lee?

  Okay, I can't wait for that porn.

• 1:29:32Speaker 02

  Cause when we were growing up, like just porn wasn't everywhere. So you kinda had to search and like the amount of porn that you did consume was kind of like limited or it was grainy or it was skin to max, right? But now it's like, I'm in my 40s or Bobby's in his 50s and now it's like, holy shit, we have

• 1:29:51Speaker 02

  access to all of it.

• 1:29:51Bobby Lee?

  The first time I saw porn, there was a field by my house, right? It was just this field and all the kids knew behind this, like if you lift this boulder, there's a Hustler magazine.

• 1:30:02Speaker 00

  The boulder is insane though.

• 1:30:03Bobby Lee?

  It's like a gigantic boulder, right? And you would lift it, right? And there was one mildewy Hustler magazine. They would all jerk off in the field.

• 1:30:14Bobby Lee?

  Not together, but everyone would know that you'd do the...

• 1:30:17Speaker 00

  On the boulder?

• 1:30:18Bobby Lee?

  You'd open up, what?

• 1:30:19Speaker 00

  You would jerk off on the boulder?

• 1:30:20Bobby Lee?

  Whatever, you know what I mean? But you would just stand there and just, you know what I mean, in this field. And then close it and then put it underneath the boulder, right? It was like a community. That's where I was introduced, you know what I mean? And the, you know, like it would be mildewy and wet, you know what I mean? And you'd have to, you know?

• 1:30:34Speaker 02

  Is this San Diego?

• 1:30:36Bobby Lee?

  No, this is in Minnesota.

• 1:30:38Speaker 02

  Minnesota.

• 1:30:38Bobby Lee?

  There was a field.

• 1:30:39Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:30:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just there for years. And then I remember somebody put a new one in there and we were so excited. But that was like three years later.

• 1:30:48Speaker 00

  Who's dropped a toothbrush?

• 1:30:49Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. A poor tooth...

• 1:30:51Speaker 00

  A poor toothbrush.

• 1:30:52Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a penthouse or something. We were like, oh, this is a new, you know, this is amazing. But anyway, that's how I was interested in porn. So as, as technology, you know what I mean, furthers, it just gets more exciting, you know what I mean? And like the toys that I have.

• 1:31:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, so that's basically my question.

• 1:31:11Bobby Lee?

  What? You're just watching everything in HK.

• 1:31:16Speaker 02

  Um.

• 1:31:18Bobby Lee?

  HK, go ahead. Sorry.

• 1:31:20Speaker 02

  HK. Actually, let me just ask the first question. Like, what does just porn, access to this much porn, do to, uh, do to like a younger brain?

• 1:31:30Speaker 05

  Okay, so let's, let's do two questions.

• 1:31:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:33Speaker 05

  One is, how does porn develop, uh, affect the developing brain? And second question is, how does porn affect the brain? So, first thing to understand is that anytime you do something to a developing brain, it gets shaped by it more. So if you, um, so, i- interesting statistic. Uh, one of the highest risk factors for pornography addiction is actually prepubescent exposure to pornography. So it's not even about sex, like, like, kids don't know, they don't feel horny, they're like prepuberty. So you'll get like eight.

• 1:32:06Bobby Lee?

  What if you were molested, though?

• 1:32:08Speaker 02

  This is a good question, if both were.

• 1:32:10Speaker 05

  W- what if you were molested, meaning what?

• 1:32:13Bobby Lee?

  Well, if you were molested and then like, and then, you know, I mean, I think that my sex drive, I, I, I learned about sex too early because I was molested.

• 1:32:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, so that is gonna have a even different effect?

• 1:32:27Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 1:32:27Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:32:29Bobby Lee?

  I don't know, I didn't know what else to do then.

• 1:32:31Speaker 05

  No, no, no, that's.

• 1:32:31Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, I got uncomfortable.

• 1:32:33Speaker 05

  And so we have to be even halfway with what?

• 1:32:39Speaker 05

  I mean, he just disclosed that he was molested, so it's like, whatever, whatever, you know, whatever you gotta do.

• 1:32:44Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:32:45Speaker 05

  Um, in order to help him feel comfortable. So.

• 1:32:48Bobby Lee?

  Development game, game.

• 1:32:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, so, so, first thing is just like, I, I want you all to think about the brain as like, you know, concrete that's just been laid. So whatever, you know, if you start using drugs at an early age, your brain wires with that stuff on board. So, the, the likelihood of addiction is greater the earlier you get exposed.

• 1:33:04Bobby Lee?

  Well, I started doing drugs at 11, 12, that's when my addiction started. Alcoholism.

• 1:33:09Speaker 05

  And you were molested before that?

• 1:33:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:33:11Bobby Lee?

  So it's like, you know, I mean, I went into, so it's like, I can't even believe I'm still, I'm here, to be honest with you.

• 1:33:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, it's quite an achievement.

• 1:33:18Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, the road, you know, man? But, uh, I took, but, um, yeah, and then I, I got sober at 17, which is, so, I mean, it was a miracle, because it's like, um,

• 1:33:30Bobby Lee?

  You know, I found, you know, I, I believe, I started, I found God at seventeen.

• 1:33:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:33:35Bobby Lee?

  And then I, you know, I think if I wasn't in AA, I don't think I would in stand up because I had a lot of encouragement from the community.

• 1:33:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:33:42Bobby Lee?

  The sober community to go follow your dreams and stuff like that. So it's like.

• 1:33:45Speaker 02

  Let's suppose that porn was very accessible when he was in the eighties, seventies, eighties and a young Bobby at eleven, twelve who had been molested.

• 1:33:54Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah. I would have been, oh, yeah, it would have fucked me.

• 1:33:56Speaker 02

  Every day.

• 1:33:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, but I mean, he started using substances at like eleven or twelve, right? So, so I think this is where like basically what, so we'll talk about the effects of being molested in a minute. But let's finish on the porn thing and then we'll, we'll come back.

• 1:34:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, just, just hang tight. Okay?

• 1:34:13Bobby Lee?

  I love it.

• 1:34:14Speaker 05

  Okay. So, um, so the key thing to understand about pornography is that what a lot of people don't understand is that it's, it's actually about emotional regulation more than anything else.

• 1:34:24Speaker 02

  Huh.

• 1:34:25Speaker 05

  So, you know, most of the people who I work with who are addicted to pornography, people assume that there's a lot of masturbation. But for a lot of people, it's like second screen stuff. So it's like literally like, I, you know, patients who are like in investment banking or private equity and they're like financial modeling on Excel on like screen number one. And there's like, you know, somebody getting railed on screen number two.

• 1:34:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:47Speaker 05

  And, and, and so the interesting thing, if you, if you kind of think about it, right? So our body is designed to procreate. And in order, if we get an opportunity to procreate, we can basically shut off everything else in order to make that happen. So if you think about, you know, the, the emotional effect of sex, if we're feeling anxious, like there are absolutely cases of, of hyposexual desire disorder and things like that. Or like, you know, if you're, if you're really depressed, it's like hard to get aroused. But if we think about, if you are able to get aroused, what does it do to your other emotions? It basically wipes them clean.

• 1:35:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:25Speaker 05

  And earlier, we were talking a little bit about, you know, the feeling of taking a piss. So in Sanskrit, and if we talk about meditation, there's a state of temporary enlightenment called samadhi. And so when we meditate, we're trying to get your...

• 1:35:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:35:43Speaker 05

  So when we're trying to get to samadhi, like that's why people meditate. And once you get to samadhi, you feel amazing.

• 1:35:50Bobby Lee?

  What's nirvana, then?

• 1:35:51Speaker 05

  Nirvana is permanent samadhi.

• 1:35:52Bobby Lee?

  Oh, permanent samadhi.

• 1:35:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:35:54Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:35:56Speaker 05

  When the sadness disappears forever.

• 1:35:59Bobby Lee?

  That's death? Or you can achieve that in...

• 1:36:02Speaker 05

  In life.

• 1:36:02Bobby Lee?

  In life?

• 1:36:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:36:03Bobby Lee?

  You can achieve nirvana in life?

• 1:36:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's the only time you can achieve it.

• 1:36:08Bobby Lee?

  Oh, my God. That's true.

• 1:36:09Speaker 02

  It is death of the self-conscious.

• 1:36:12Speaker 05

  That... So death of the self happens, can be, can come and go. So another random aside, since we're talking about this for a second. So if you look at the, you know, I don't know if you guys have seen these like studies on psychedelics being useful for mental health?

• 1:36:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:36:29Speaker 05

  So the really cool thing is you can actually ask someone what their psychedelic experience was. And based on their subjective experience, you can predict whether they have an improvement in trauma or treatment of refractory depression.

• 1:36:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got you. I had ketamine, I did ketamine therapy once and once only. And when I say like it was so effective compared to any like SSRI I had been taking like years prior as like a younger person, I was shocked by how well it worked.

• 1:37:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:37:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:02Speaker 05

  So the interesting thing is when people have an ego death experience in psychedelics, if I just see like colors, or even if I have something like synesthesia, that doesn't correlate with a mental health improvement. It's specifically the ego death experience. And that's why people are into the heroic dose. Because the heroic dose is what is most likely to have an ego death experience.

• 1:37:22Speaker 02

  And that's like a heroic dose of like macrodosing like mushrooms or...

• 1:37:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, so the scary thing that people don't talk about, which we oftentimes don't see in the studies, and they're like, we can get into the technicalities of that. So I have had an equal number or greater number of patients who will get PTSD from trips.

• 1:37:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:37:43Speaker 05

  Um, who will develop panic disorders. Cause it does have a lot of neuroplasticity. It like puts your brain into like from read only mode into like edit mode. But depending on what kind of trip you have, it can be incredibly traumatic. It changes the way that your physiology can be wired. So it's, it's, it's kind of like playing with fire.

• 1:38:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's how, that's exactly how I felt when I smoked a lot of weed when I was younger. It almost threw me into a state of like chronic anxiety and like just unwellness.

• 1:38:11Speaker 05

  Yeah. So chronic weed is even different. So chronic weed is you get, you get rebound anxiety from weed.

• 1:38:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:17Speaker 05

  So it's kind of like, you know, if you, if you drink caffeine every day and then you like, don't have caffeine one day. Your energy level, like then caffeine becomes your baseline.

• 1:38:25Bobby Lee?

  Wow, wow, wow, wow, yeah.

• 1:38:27Speaker 05

  So, so I see that a lot with um weed. So people will get chronic anxiety. The worst version of this is something called cannabis hyperemesis syndrome.

• 1:38:35Speaker 02

  It's like vomiting?

• 1:38:36Bobby Lee?

  What is that?

• 1:38:37Speaker 05

  It's when people vomiting, yeah, what?

• 1:38:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, I got that on a pot brownie. I had too much of a pot brownie.

• 1:38:42Speaker 05

  Yeah. So when people use it chronically, they can be left in a state where they're nauseous and vomiting like all the time.

• 1:38:48Bobby Lee?

  Geez.

• 1:38:49Speaker 05

  It's really bad.

• 1:38:50Bobby Lee?

  Wow. What about the freeze, the froze, that was probably.

• 1:38:53Speaker 02

  That's not hyperemesis.

• 1:38:54Bobby Lee?

  Oh, that's not, okay, okay. I used to take, when I used to take weed, I used to freeze.

• 1:38:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, he used to take like a thousand of edibles when he relapsed. And he couldn't tell if he was moving or going or um staying still or going. So he would just like freeze like this.

• 1:39:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:10Speaker 02

  And then I'd see like a silhouette of him in the dark.

• 1:39:13Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:14Speaker 02

  And I'd be really freaked out. I'm like, what are you doing? He's like, where am I going? Am I moving? And he would just stay stuck there.

• 1:39:20Bobby Lee?

  And they, they would carry it and then I would get so shivery.

• 1:39:22Speaker 02

  And you'd be like ice.

• 1:39:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, ice. And they, they, they'd have to carry me to a bed and then roll me up in a blanket.

• 1:39:28Speaker 02

  Like a burrito.

• 1:39:28Bobby Lee?

  Like a burrito, right? And then I'd have to cool down.

• 1:39:31Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's scary, man.

• 1:39:33Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:34Speaker 05

  Don't do drugs, kids.

• 1:39:35Bobby Lee?

  It's fun, it's fun too, though, you know what I mean?

• 1:39:37Speaker 02

  It's wild.

• 1:39:37Speaker 05

  Was it enjoyable?

• 1:39:38Bobby Lee?

  No, it was painful.

• 1:39:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:39:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:40Speaker 05

  I mean, because there's absolutely the sense of time dilation with, with marijuana.

• 1:39:43Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, wow.

• 1:39:45Speaker 02

  Wait back, but I, I like what you said about pouring fresh concrete with.

• 1:39:49Speaker 05

  Yeah. So, so with porn, like, you know, the earlier you use it, the earlier you get exposed to it, the, the worse it is. Um, you know, there's a really scary stat. So non-consensual choking uh has really skyrocketed in college. Fifty-one percent of women experience non-consensual choking. Um, sixty plus percent.

• 1:40:09Bobby Lee?

  You always, you always go, is this okay? Is this okay?

• 1:40:13Speaker 05

  No, no, but Bobby, Bobby, this is exactly the problem, right? So, so, so when you were watching your Hustler mag under the boulder.

• 1:40:20Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:20Speaker 05

  That wasn't part of it, right? So now actually.

• 1:40:22Bobby Lee?

  No, I used to.

• 1:40:25Speaker 02

  That's your own erotic asphyxiation.

• 1:40:27Speaker 05

  We can, there's, there's all kinds of, so what I love about this, and I would love to come back. Is there's so much fascinating physiology around auto erotic asphyxiation. I recently saw a really cool study.

• 1:40:39Speaker 01

  Auto erotic asphyxiation.

• 1:40:42Speaker 05

  Don't try that at home.

• 1:40:43Speaker 01

  I had to say that because it's.

• 1:40:45Speaker 05

  But I, I saw a really cool study in a, a, a scientific journal on yoga.

• 1:40:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:40:50Speaker 05

  This is, this is for you.

• 1:40:51Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:40:52Speaker 05

  That, so there's an ancient yogic burial practice where like, as, as a yogi, you bury yourself. And then when you bury yourself, you're like in this, you know, you're underground. And then you like, kind of run out of oxygen, but these are yogis who are like trained to do all kinds of crazy stuff. So, um, what's really interesting is probably when we have like near death experiences from like asphyxiation and stuff like that. So it has, that has to do with really high levels of, um, carbon dioxide in our brain. So when, when the levels of carbon dioxide in our brain get really high, they start to malfunction. Now, if you're not, that, that can lead to death. So don't do that at home.

• 1:41:28Bobby Lee?

  No.

• 1:41:29Speaker 05

  But the really interesting thing is it's probably that high level of carbon dioxide that induces these like near death experiences. And so there's actually some like really esoteric yogic practices where you bury yourself and then you don't try this at home because you can die or get brain damaged very quickly. Should be done under guidance of a guru, probably not really at all, but. And, and then what happens is they, they really, it's a powerful experience for inducing like a, essentially a psychedelic experience or a, a near death experience.

• 1:41:58Bobby Lee?

  What do you mean bury yourself? They dig a hole.

• 1:42:00Speaker 02

  Like DMT?

• 1:42:02Speaker 05

  So DMT is a whole different ballgame.

• 1:42:03Speaker 02

  But is it like, does it kind of mimic that whole?

• 1:42:06Speaker 05

  So, so what's really fascinating is we know that the brain produces DMT.

• 1:42:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:42:11Speaker 05

  But we don't know how. All we know, and I've been looking into this because I've been trying to figure out when you have like a crazy experience in meditation, like what's going on in your brain. All we know is that it's a, it's produced from serotonin. So I think when you have all these yogic practices, you have people that are like on these very strict diets, eating like certain herbs that are found in the Himalayas, drinking like very pure water, meditating for like, you know, many hours a day, many years at a time. Like you'll have dudes that like, it's like just sitting in caves in the Himalayas, meditating for years, decades, arguably if stories are believed, centuries. And then, so we don't know what's going on, but like I think that all of these strict yogic practices are absolutely altering our neurochemistry in a profound way.

• 1:42:56Bobby Lee?

  Oh, wow, wow.

• 1:42:56Speaker 05

  Right? We just don't know how because we don't do studies on those people.

• 1:43:00Bobby Lee?

  Hmm.

• 1:43:02Speaker 05

  But going back to concrete.

• 1:43:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:43:04Speaker 05

  So earlier you do porn, the worse it is. Porn is primarily around emotional regulation. So, you know, we see people who are, I don't mean to, but people, people who struggle with their emotions and are prone to using substances or other things to regulate their emotions. Pornography and sex is very good at shutting down our amygdala, which is our fear center of the brain, good at shutting down our limbic system, which is where we feel. So, you know, oftentimes like people will relapse when they're going through something emotionally difficult. Or we'll see something where in early stage of substance use sobriety, tech addiction will skyrocket.

• 1:43:44Speaker 05

  So a big part of overcoming porn addiction is, just like any other addiction, is learning an alternate way to manage your emotions. So the better you get at managing your emotions, the brain needs the pornography less. But a lot of people-

• 1:44:02Bobby Lee?

  I think that's what's happening to me right now.

• 1:44:04Speaker 05

  How so?

• 1:44:05Bobby Lee?

  Well, the more I go into, like I do some meditation, but the more I'm like, cause I'm, I'm in therapy, I'm going to more A meetings, you know what I mean? I'm being, it, it seems to not come up as often. And then when it does pop up, like, should I do it? I always kind of pop it like a balloon and I just kind of go to sleep or whatever.

• 1:44:23Speaker 05

  Yeah. So, so I, I think if you, if you kind of think back to when you had problems with it. You never even have the question of should I or should I not?

• 1:44:32Bobby Lee?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:44:33Speaker 05

  It's just like, I need to now.

• 1:44:34Bobby Lee?

  I need to, yeah.

• 1:44:35Speaker 05

  Right? So, so that shows that, that shows the work you've been putting in. And then that's where, um, you know, you don't believe the sadness can go away, which is fair enough. But many people don't believe that the porn addiction can go away.

• 1:44:45Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:44:45Speaker 05

  They can't, they can't imagine a scenario in which I need to can become should I?

• 1:44:53Bobby Lee?

  Yeah. Wow.

• 1:44:55Speaker 02

  The non-consensual choking is really scary.

• 1:44:57Bobby Lee?

  Let's just move on from that.

• 1:44:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:44:58Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it feels weird.

• 1:44:59Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:45:00Speaker 04

  That, that happens a lot when you like hook up with people now. They just like choke you for no reason.

• 1:45:04Speaker 05

  Well, so, so the reason-

• 1:45:05Bobby Lee?

  Has that happened to you?

• 1:45:05Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:45:06Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:45:06Speaker 04

  Sorry. Like, it's cool, but I'm like-

• 1:45:08Speaker 02

  No, uh-uh, uh-uh. If I don't broach the topic of choking first and there isn't like a disgusting and someone just goes for that, I'm out of there. It's, that takes me, I'm such in a fear my body will really-

• 1:45:20Bobby Lee?

  Do they ask you, like, can I do this?

• 1:45:22Speaker 04

  No, just straight for the neck.

• 1:45:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, so, so-

• 1:45:24Speaker 04

  So you're making it out and then it's like maybe a little bit of a tit and then it's to the neck.

• 1:45:29Bobby Lee?

  It goes tit to neck, huh?

• 1:45:31Speaker 04

  Tit, that's scary.

• 1:45:32Speaker 00

  Tit to neck is crazy.

• 1:45:33Speaker 05

  So tit, tit?

• 1:45:34Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:34Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:45:34Bobby Lee?

  I go vag, neck, and then tit.

• 1:45:39Speaker 04

  It's like-

• 1:45:39Bobby Lee?

  That's my, like, routine, yeah.

• 1:45:41Speaker 05

  No, but, but, so do you mind if I ask how old you are?

• 1:45:43Speaker 04

  Uh, 34.

• 1:45:44Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:45:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:45:44Speaker 05

  Right, so, so I think this is what's happening is, is, so we're seeing a trend where over time you develop tolerance to pornography. So then you need more extreme pornography for it to suppress your emotions.

• 1:45:55Bobby Lee?

  Wow, this is scary.

• 1:45:56Speaker 05

  And so, so there's a lot of pornography of non-consensual choking.

• 1:46:00Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:01Speaker 05

  And we're seeing a rise in sexlessness, right? So, so people, so, uh, in 1975, the average age for a man to get married was 23.8. For a woman was 21.1. Um, in 2000-

• 1:46:15Bobby Lee?

  Let's just round it off, maybe.

• 1:46:16Speaker 05

  Eight. Sure, we can do that. Um, in 2000, uh, in, sure, if we want to round it off, it's 31 now for men and 28 for women.

• 1:46:23Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 1:46:23Speaker 05

  Right, so it's changed a lot. Uh, we're seeing more people, probably about half of dudes between the age of 18 and 24, rounding off, um, are-

• 1:46:32Speaker 00

  For you, dude.

• 1:46:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, for you. Uh, uh, I have not had sex within the last year, so we're watching-

• 1:46:37Bobby Lee?

  Well, 18 to what?

• 1:46:38Speaker 05

  18 to 24.

• 1:46:39Bobby Lee?

  That's bad.

• 1:46:39Speaker 05

  Ha- half a dudes.

• 1:46:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:46:40Speaker 05

  So they watch way more pornography.

• 1:46:42Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:43Speaker 05

  They watch, for some reason, non-consensual choking is like a huge part of pornography now.

• 1:46:48Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 1:46:48Speaker 05

  And so, since they don't have real life experience, they watch a bunch of porn. And then they, and then they think that that's what they're supposed to do.

• 1:46:56Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 1:46:57Speaker 05

  Right?

• 1:46:57Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:46:58Bobby Lee?

  It's crazy.

• 1:46:58Speaker 05

  And, and it's, it's, it's shocking. This is something that no one talks about, but it's like, it's insane. Fifty-one percent of college-age women will experience this.

• 1:47:06Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:47:06Bobby Lee?

  Wow.

• 1:47:07Speaker 05

  And you guys are like, uh, me too. Like, we're like, what?

• 1:47:10Bobby Lee?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:10Speaker 05

  Like that, I had never even heard of someone doing that in, in, when I was like, in college.

• 1:47:16Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:17Speaker 05

  But now it's like, it, it, it blows my mind that it, it happens. It sounds like it didn't just happen to you once.

• 1:47:23Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:47:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:25Speaker 02

  All the time.

• 1:47:25Bobby Lee?

  Why don't you put a boundary up and go, hey, don't go to-

• 1:47:27Speaker 02

  I ca- I'm kind of into it. I should say that first.

• 1:47:29Bobby Lee?

  Okay.

• 1:47:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's different. Okay, but, you know, but-

• 1:47:33Bobby Lee?

  I like it when they choke me.

• 1:47:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:47:35Bobby Lee?

  And I always go, I sometimes-

• 1:47:36Speaker 02

  You know, you ask for it up front. It's weird.

• 1:47:39Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, do it harder. Like, I want it, like, I, I want them to, you know, really get in there, you know what I mean?

• 1:47:45Speaker 02

  But that is such a scary statistic.

• 1:47:47Bobby Lee?

  It is scary.

• 1:47:48Speaker 02

  To think that young men are just going out there with zero consent.

• 1:47:51Bobby Lee?

  Anyway, how to raise a healthy gamer.

• 1:47:54Bobby Lee?

  What's the matter?

• 1:47:55Speaker 05

  I'm listening.

• 1:47:55Bobby Lee?

  Did you have-

• 1:47:57Speaker 00

  What's the matter? I'm just listening.

• 1:48:00Speaker 05

  I'm, I'm trying to get to the end of this.

• 1:48:01Bobby Lee?

  Did you have fun?

• 1:48:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:48:03Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want, I want to promote your book, you know what I mean?

• 1:48:05Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:48:06Bobby Lee?

  You know what I mean? There's so many things we can address, you know what I mean? But, um, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer. How long has this book been out?

• 1:48:12Speaker 05

  Uh, about a, about, almost two years.

• 1:48:15Bobby Lee?

  Two years. Where could they get it, my friend?

• 1:48:17Speaker 05

  Anywhere where books are sold.

• 1:48:18Bobby Lee?

  The Brookstone.

• 1:48:20Speaker 00

  Brookstone? Probably not.

• 1:48:21Speaker 02

  That's where you buy your books.

• 1:48:23Bobby Lee?

  No, Barnes and Noble.

• 1:48:24Speaker 02

  That's where you buy little massagers.

• 1:48:26Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And my pillows, my little travel pillows.

• 1:48:29Speaker 00

  And look, he even made a post while we were doing the podcast an hour ago.

• 1:48:33Bobby Lee?

  What? Wow.

• 1:48:33Speaker 00

  Amazing.

• 1:48:34Bobby Lee?

  You did?

• 1:48:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, so I mean, I guess if people want, you know, more information about all of the random crap I talk about, they can also check out the YouTube channel.

• 1:48:41Bobby Lee?

  Hey, check out his YouTube channel.

• 1:48:43Speaker 00

  This one's crazy. Why you should stop watching YouTube.

• 1:48:46Bobby Lee?

  Wow, wow, wow. I love that. Yeah.

• 1:48:49Speaker 05

  Sometimes you have to be a hypocrite in order to survive your own mental environment. Right? So like, people will take, they'll take their psyche, and if I have hatred, I need to compensate over here.

• 1:49:01Speaker 02

  To offset.

• 1:49:02Speaker 05

  To offset, right? So, and this is really common where it's like, okay, if you look at an abusive relationship, one partner is like physically abusive and the next day, it's like gifts.

• 1:49:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:49:12Speaker 05

  Right? So, parents will do that too. So, so as we, as we become more degenerate and evil as human beings, that other pole of performative goodness really starts to climb. Right? So, it's like, I'm God fearing, this is about God, this is about Jesus, like, I'm a good person, this is about the goodness.

• 1:49:34Bobby Lee?

  My parents used to do that. My dad used to hit me and the next day, he was a car.

• 1:49:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:49:40Speaker 02

  Is that a car?

• 1:49:41Bobby Lee?

  Oh, yeah, he would get me a car.

• 1:49:42Speaker 02

  It hit me. Hit me, papa. I got hit, no fries.

• 1:49:49Bobby Lee?

  Oh, really?

• 1:49:49Speaker 02

  I just got hit. The car is big.

• 1:49:51Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, like a truck or something.

• 1:49:53Speaker 02

  That's still bad.

• 1:49:54Bobby Lee?

  Is that still a car? Yeah, it's better. Yeah, yeah, anyway.

• 1:49:58Speaker 05

  Not worth it. There you go.

• 1:49:59Bobby Lee?

  It was worth it. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:50:02Speaker 05

  I mean, lifelong sadness?

• 1:50:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, overcast, overcast. Yeah, come on.

• 1:50:08Bobby Lee?

  Make light of it. Anyway, so, help me gamer on YouTube. We gotta figure it away, so, um, follow him on all the platforms and, uh, Amazing. What a beautiful, what a beautiful, um, you know, I didn't know what to expect today, I'll be honest with you.

• 1:50:24Speaker 05

  Neither did I.

• 1:50:24Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, and I thought it went perfectly.

• 1:50:26Speaker 02

  He sent the text out, he was like, tell me about Dr. K. And, um, my reply was, he can heal you, so I hope.

• 1:50:35Bobby Lee?

  No, there was a lot of insight, I'll be honest with you.

• 1:50:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then I, then we text that to you?

• 1:50:40Bobby Lee?

  Yeah, it was very, yeah, it was very funsy and, um, insightful, I'm enlightened and, um, what a great guy, give him a round of applause.

• 1:50:47Speaker 05

  Thank you guys so much.

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