#657 - Bobby Lee

Bobby Lee is a stand-up comedian, actor and podcaster. Check out his shows “Tigerbelly” and “Bad Friends”. Bobby returns to talk about what he saw recently in the jungles of Waikiki, a grievance he has regarding the Busboys movie poster, and a confusing Asian restaurant from Theo’s town growing up. Bobby Lee: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ ------------------------------------------------- Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Perplexity AI: Ask anything at https://pplx.ai/theo Prize Picks: Go to https://link.prizepicks.com/LME0/THEO and use code THEO to get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Play Responsibly. Moonpay: Head over to https://www.moonpay.com/theo to sign up Better Help: This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. Sign up and get 10% off at http://BetterHelp.com/theo Acorns: Go to http://acorns.com/theo to get your $20 bonus investment today! Mountain Dew: Look for American Dew limited-time packaging or find it in stores near you at http://mountaindew.com Super Power: Head to http://Superpower.com and use code THEO at checkout for $20 off your membership. Watch on Spotify. Spotify subscribers get fewer ads on my video. ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Trevyn https://www.instagram.com/trevyn.s/ Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Andrew https://www.instagram.com/bleachmediaofficial/ Producer: Halston https://www.instagram.com/halstonrays/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:29Theo Von?

  Today's guest is a stand-up comedian, a podcaster, and one of the heroes of my heart. This beautiful little leechy. You know, he's my good friend and I'm so thankful to spend time with him. Today's guest is Mr. Bobby Lee.

• 1:02Theo Von?

  Bro, no, leave that on. That shit's tough, dude.

• 1:03Speaker 02

  It's heavy.

• 1:04Theo Von?

  It is? Okay.

• 1:05Speaker 02

  Sorry. It's heavy.

• 1:07Theo Von?

  Dude, you look like Daniel Day-Lewis a little bit.

• 1:09Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you.

• 1:13Speaker 02

  Dude, you look like Idris Elba to me, dude.

• 1:16Theo Von?

  You think so?

• 1:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:17Theo Von?

  Bring up Idris Elba.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know what Idris looks like, dog?

• 1:20Theo Von?

  Just in the dick, you mean, huh?

• 1:22Speaker 02

  No, your dick is medium.

• 1:23Theo Von?

  It's fair.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Sav?

• 1:25Theo Von?

  No, I got that limited cock, boy.

• 1:27Speaker 02

  You got a limited cock, dude?

• 1:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, dude. One and a half bars, bro. That's it on this wifi.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  Mine's a minion, dude.

• 1:33Theo Von?

  Yeah, you got that minion?

• 1:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I got minion dick, dude.

• 1:36Theo Von?

  Oh, I like that.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  Honey as fuck, bro.

• 1:37Theo Von?

  Hey, hard worker.

• 1:40Theo Von?

  Hard worker.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  They do.

• 1:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:43Speaker 02

  They're very hard workers. They have overalls, goggles.

• 1:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, bro, if your wiener's going in with goggles on, dude.

• 1:50Speaker 02

  It's got the whole thing, dude.

• 1:51Theo Von?

  You're a champ.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  You're a chank.

• 1:54Theo Von?

  Hey.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Hey, dude, I can't say that.

• 1:57Theo Von?

  But here's a rule. You can say it, I can say it. That's my rule here.

• 2:00Speaker 02

  Well, I can say what?

• 2:03Theo Von?

  What can I say dude?

• 2:05Speaker 02

  Oh peace.

• 2:11Theo Von?

  Dude, bro. Good to see you, man.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  Let me get, let me just get in my zone, guy.

• 2:15Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 2:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:16Theo Von?

  You wanna pray first, I'm happy to pray if you want.

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Can I start?

• 2:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, you wanna pray?

• 2:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, do we have to hold hands?

• 2:21Theo Von?

  No. But I think if you can put our hands however you want, it will get warmer in here, I know it's cold.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's really cold. I feel like an Eskimo right now, though.

• 2:28Theo Von?

  They're charging us more for heat, I think Israel's doing it.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  Israel's definitely doing a lot of things.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  I mean, they're like, what are they do do?

• 2:37Theo Von?

  What are they do do? What be be do do? Be be do do do do, ba ba ba ba.

• 2:43Speaker 02

  Right?

• 2:43Theo Von?

  You're not saying, you're not saying, you're not saying.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, um.

• 2:46Theo Von?

  Yeah, let's do a prayer, man, you wanna lead us in it, man?

• 2:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, um, but you know, when I do prayers, dog, look at me first, before we even get into it.

• 2:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, for sure, man.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  Um, I don't like getting interrupted.

• 2:56Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  So I like to finish what my prayer is gonna be. You know what I mean? And it may go long.

• 3:02Theo Von?

  Okay, yeah. No, dude, I'm just happy to be here with you, man, I love you.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  I'm gonna give you a hug first.

• 3:19Theo Von?

  That's the truth, bro, when the streets call me, bruh.

• 3:21Speaker 02

  When the streets call you, they call me. You know what I mean? We have the same caller. You're heavenly fuck.

• 3:29Theo Von?

  Hold on.

• 3:30Speaker 02

  What do you need, we're praying.

• 3:31Theo Von?

  What are you doing?

• 3:34Theo Von?

  Sorry.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  Bear dick? That's your new name, dude, bear dick?

• 3:39Theo Von?

  I gave it to him.

• 3:40Speaker 02

  Really? Oh, love your type. Bear dick.

• 3:44Theo Von?

  What do you mean, dude?

• 3:45Speaker 02

  He loves it, dude.

• 3:47Theo Von?

  Likes women.

• 3:48Speaker 02

  He loves the chunk faster, factor. You know what I mean? Cause if I was gay, guy, you know what I mean? You know, I've done some stuff.

• 3:55Theo Von?

  Like, what do you talk, like, what do you mean, man?

• 3:57Speaker 02

  I've licked a couple.

• 3:58Theo Von?

  No.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, just like, um, I just want, I wanna know the flavor.

• 4:03Theo Von?

  Oh, wow, what happened?

• 4:05Speaker 02

  What do you mean, what happened? Or like, you know, what's the flavor? Or, yeah, I don't wanna know, yeah. It's salty? Well, what do you mean? What part do you lick the top or the bottom? Licking the bottoms?

• 4:15Theo Von?

  That's gay, dude.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  Licking the top, dude?

• 4:19Theo Von?

  Ain't gay. It's just tasty.

• 4:21Speaker 02

  No, it's omakase.

• 4:24Speaker 02

  You ever go to an omakase restaurant, you don't know what you're gonna get, dude? That's what I'm doing, doing omakase, dude, right? And sometimes, dude, it's like, I go to omakase with my girl, right? And there's certain things, she just, I go, you have to eat it. You know what I mean? Like, we went to, you know, I've been in the jungle.

• 4:41Theo Von?

  Have you been? I did not know that.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've been in the jungle.

• 4:44Theo Von?

  I mean, I know historically.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  Look at my face. Yeah, yeah. What do you mean historically?

• 4:48Theo Von?

  No, I mean, I'm just saying.

• 4:50Speaker 02

  What do you mean historically?

• 4:51Theo Von?

  I just mean like over.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not Nam.

• 4:53Theo Von?

  I know.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Korean, dude.

• 4:56Theo Von?

  I know.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's no jungles in Korea, dog.

• 4:59Theo Von?

  I don't know.

• 5:00Speaker 02

  So when you say histor- you do know?

• 5:02Theo Von?

  I'm saying historically.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Historically, you've been watching Platoon, you've been watching, you know what I mean? All kinds of movies, like Hamburger Hill.

• 5:09Theo Von?

  Letters to Iwo Jima.

• 5:11Speaker 02

  Well, there's no jungle in Letters to Iwo Jima.

• 5:14Theo Von?

  It's good.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  It is a good movie. Let's give Clint Eastwood a round of applause.

• 5:18Theo Von?

  Did he make that?

• 5:20Speaker 02

  I think so, dude. I think he made it.

• 5:22Theo Von?

  I didn't even know that.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  He made it when he was 116 years old. It's amazing.

• 5:26Theo Von?

  God.

• 5:26Speaker 02

  What amazing work. So anyway, I've been in the jungle, and when I say jungle, I mean Waikiki.

• 5:31Theo Von?

  Oh, you were out there?

• 5:33Speaker 02

  I didn't go in it, but I saw it.

• 5:35Theo Von?

  Bro, what were you doing out there?

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Dude, I was doing all kinds of shit out there.

• 5:39Theo Von?

  Were you doing ayahuasca or something?

• 5:40Speaker 02

  No, no, no, I was doing, no, I go out there for vacation, and so, you know, there's a lot of cool omakase restaurants there.

• 5:46Theo Von?

  Okay. And what is omakase for people that don't know it?

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Do you know it?

• 5:50Theo Von?

  I think so.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Well, then tell me about it.

• 5:52Theo Von?

  I, I think.

• 5:54Speaker 02

  Tell me, because I don't think you fucking know, dog.

• 5:56Theo Von?

  Omakase, well, hold on, let's sound it out. Oma.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  Oma.

• 5:59Theo Von?

  Kase.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Which is oma in Korean is mom.

• 6:01Theo Von?

  Mom.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:02Theo Von?

  And kase is?

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, a house.

• 6:05Theo Von?

  Oh, it is?

• 6:06Speaker 02

  Mom's house.

• 6:06Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 6:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I don't know what, I don't know what omakase stands for, but I know what it is.

• 6:11Theo Von?

  Okay, omakase.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  Okay, so do you know what it is?

• 6:12Theo Von?

  I do not.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  Okay, so an omakase restaurant is, it's a, it's a set menu.

• 6:18Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Right? And they feed you in order. They'll tell you what you're gonna get from beginning to end. And generally, my rule, if I'm with a date, you know, I have a girlfriend now.

• 6:31Theo Von?

  What?

• 6:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude.

• 6:32Theo Von?

  Whoa. What's happening, dude? So you're not, so what are you gonna do? You're not gonna be-

• 6:37Speaker 02

  This is what I do, dude. You know, what am I doing right now, dude?

• 6:39Theo Von?

  Why are you doing if you have a girlfriend?

• 6:41Speaker 02

  No, I'm killing myself, dude.

• 6:41Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. That's Omakase.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I choke myself and I kill myself in the heart, dog.

• 6:47Theo Von?

  Okay, I ain't jerking off, guy.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Oh, good, yeah.

• 6:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Long as you ain't jerking off, dude.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta do it 21 times a month, though. That's what I heard.

• 6:55Theo Von?

  Masturbate?

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Ejaculate.

• 6:56Theo Von?

  No.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, because you'll get, um, uh, testicular cancer.

• 7:00Theo Von?

  No. Oh, yeah, there's guys that, like, some people, their eyes go bad or whatever.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  Like mine?

• 7:05Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 7:05Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 7:06Theo Von?

  No.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  Anyway, um, Omakase is this, you have a set-

• 7:09Theo Von?

  You look like a bug that played for the Red Hot Chili Peppers right now, dude. You look, you look good.

• 7:15Speaker 02

  I look good, dude.

• 7:16Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, I look real good.

• 7:17Theo Von?

  A hundred percent.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  So Omakase is like, um, set menu. So we went to one place-

• 7:22Theo Von?

  You look like a fireman like in San Francisco, kinda like a little bit, you know?

• 7:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, I do. But I was over, I was in the fire. Yeah, yeah, right?

• 7:30Theo Von?

  Or you just had something that-

• 7:31Speaker 02

  I got lost and I'm like in the fire, like, I don't know what to do. That type?

• 7:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:35Theo Von?

  And you brought just a mouthful of water.

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:37Theo Von?

  That's the gayest thing, dude. If you, if you're at a fire and a guy, like, kind of a gay firefighter shows up, he's like, is just spitting water out of his mouth or whatever?

• 7:44Speaker 02

  You look like an albino raccoon.

• 7:46Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  Anyway, um, let me finish with the Omakase thing and get to my point, dog.

• 7:51Theo Von?

  Sorry, dude, I'm interrupting you.

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:52Theo Von?

  I do wanna pray.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  So anyway, oh, we'll do the prayer later.

• 7:55Theo Von?

  Doug May is officially mayor of?

• 7:58Speaker 02

  Chinatown.

• 7:59Theo Von?

  Chinatown, looks, looks good.

• 8:00Speaker 02

  Can I finish my Omakase or?

• 8:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's fair.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Why do you do this?

• 8:03Theo Von?

  What do we do? What, we just bring up in person?

• 8:04Speaker 02

  I, I, I understand that, but we're going into a thing and then you bring up some Chinese firefighter.

• 8:09Theo Von?

  He brought that shit up.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, so the Bear Dick did that.

• 8:12Theo Von?

  These guys.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  I'm not Bear Dick.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, you're not Bear Dick?

• 8:14Speaker 03

  That's Bear Dick.

• 8:15Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah. What are you?

• 8:17Speaker 03

  Premie Nick.

• 8:19Theo Von?

  Nick was a premature baby and look how far he's gone.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Did everything get mature?

• 8:24Speaker 03

  I think my skull size is a little small, but everything else, yeah.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Anyway, he's thirty two years old, but he'll never hit nine months, you know?

• 8:34Speaker 02

  So, and then we had this.

• 8:35Theo Von?

  Let's we forget, bro.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Let's we forget, dude. We were at, so we're at this restaurant and, and they gave us the bones of a fish. And they flavored it like it was a potato chip, but it had the brain, like the eyes and the brain, but just the bones of the fish.

• 8:51Theo Von?

  No.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  And you had to eat it, right? And it's like, um, I ate it and I looked at her and I go, you just gotta eat it, right? So when a penis comes out, you kiss the tip.

• 9:01Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  That's basically why I.

• 9:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:05Speaker 02

  What?

• 9:05Theo Von?

  You know, that's why I would.

• 9:06Speaker 02

  Well, that's why I told you before that when I said that, um, I've kissed the tip of a penis. You know what I mean?

• 9:13Theo Von?

  What do you mean? Why do you keep doing that?

• 9:15Speaker 02

  It just makes the back of my neck hurt. I know, but it's just, it's a flavor thing.

• 9:17Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, my bad.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was, that's how we got into the Omakase thing. It's a flavor thing, dude.

• 9:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:22Speaker 02

  Well, you, if you went to Omakase, whatever they gave you, you'd eat it, right?

• 9:26Theo Von?

  Try it. Okay.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. If they had a penis, we'd kiss it.

• 9:29Theo Von?

  It's like a glory hole for food or whatever.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. A glory hole for food.

• 9:36Theo Von?

  Well, it's like whatever's in there, that's what you get or whatever.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  That's what you get. Yeah. So no matter what they give you, you, I just eat because it's supposed to be like, you know what I mean? Elegant or, you know what I mean?

• 9:46Theo Von?

  Avant garde, yeah.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  Avant garde. Epstein class.

• 9:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 9:49Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

• 9:52Theo Von?

  You be be, you know what I mean?

• 9:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:55Theo Von?

  It's like off the Epstein tasting menu or whatever?

• 9:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:57Theo Von?

  It's just like young fish or whatever?

• 9:59Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, please, stop.

• 10:00Theo Von?

  Sorry.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  Let's move on.

• 10:01Theo Von?

  Let's move on. We'll take that out.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe take that out, but, um, so basically, um, I don't know how I got into the pee pee thing, but let's do a prayer.

• 10:09Theo Von?

  But, okay, no, but you said you had tasted a little wiener or something, or you had a little.

• 10:13Speaker 02

  Years ago, I tasted the tip of one.

• 10:15Theo Von?

  Was it on a, what type of person was it on?

• 10:20Speaker 02

  Color?

• 10:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Or style?

• 10:24Theo Von?

  Color.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Can we go style?

• 10:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, style.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Rave.

• 10:28Theo Von?

  Oh, at a rave?

• 10:29Speaker 02

  No, a raver.

• 10:30Theo Von?

  A raver?

• 10:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:31Theo Von?

  So you just took a nip off a little raver.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:34Theo Von?

  You know what you're saying?

• 10:35Speaker 02

  Which you, what you do.

• 10:36Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  It's cultural.

• 10:37Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Glow sticks?

• 10:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  You'd have glow sticks, right?

• 10:42Theo Von?

  Oh, if.

• 10:42Speaker 02

  And then you would, right?

• 10:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  Every once in a while. You just come out, right? And you take a little taste of the salty tip.

• 10:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, that's.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's cultural.

• 10:55Theo Von?

  So basically, you've been a couple of major laser shows is what you're saying.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  That's exactly, that's exactly what I'm saying, dawg.

• 11:01Theo Von?

  Just say that, dude.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:03Theo Von?

  Just say that.

• 11:03Speaker 02

  You never kissed a tip?

• 11:04Theo Von?

  Oh, no, man.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, how about, yeah, have I, have you had opportunities still?

• 11:08Theo Von?

  I mean, I've definitely, I remember when I was a child, you always tried to get a real close dander at your own weener. You know?

• 11:14Speaker 02

  I don't know southern language, dude.

• 11:16Theo Von?

  But I'm just saying.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  Describe it to me.

• 11:17Theo Von?

  Like, I'm sure if you're a kid, a lot of young, oh, we can't talk about children, but.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:21Theo Von?

  A lot of people that haven't grown up fully.

• 11:27Theo Von?

  Will try to like.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  I've never tried it.

• 11:29Theo Von?

  Will try to just.

• 11:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I never tried it.

• 11:31Theo Von?

  I, I have, I never got, I never.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  If I had been raised with yoga, right, and it could bend that way? You know what I mean? Like, I had, like, you know what I mean, a master?

• 11:41Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  As a kid, you know what I mean? Bobby Son, you know? We have to strengthen your spine. And you go, why, master? Right? So one day you can kiss your own tip.

• 11:53Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 11:53Speaker 02

  Right? Like, I never had that master.

• 11:56Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Fuck karate.

• 11:58Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, fuck jiu-jitsu, right?

• 12:00Theo Von?

  Karate's just kicking, like, invisible people.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  I know, it doesn't work.

• 12:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  Also, in the UFC, you never say, he's a karate guy, right? Right? It's always jiu-jitsu, right?

• 12:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Or, or boxing, or kickboxing, right?

• 12:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's never like.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  It's never tai chi.

• 12:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, no one's out there at UFC doing tai tai chi, right? Am I right?

• 12:18Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. So it's like, you know, um.

• 12:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's never one of his credits is like, his mom wanted him to be able to defend himself, you know?

• 12:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, rarely you see taekwondo in UFC.

• 12:30Theo Von?

  Right.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  It's usually boxers, kickboxers, um, jiu-jitsu guys, wrestlers.

• 12:35Theo Von?

  What is some of the stuff Nick knows, actually? So let's go to Nick on that. Uh, yeah, I mean, he named all the big ones. There's a few select karate guys, Steven Wonderboy Thompson, MVP.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:45Theo Von?

  But Jiu Jitsu and Taekwondo, I think, are the biggest from traditional martial arts.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  From traditional, but generally it's wrestling, kickboxing, boxing, right?

• 12:57Theo Von?

  Hundred percent.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  Holloway is like one of the best strikers with his hands in the biz.

• 13:03Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? So it's, you didn't even know who he is?

• 13:06Theo Von?

  I do, it's Max Holloway. He's actually, he was right, he lives in trains where you just were, right?

• 13:10Speaker 02

  I know.

• 13:10Theo Von?

  And Waikiki.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  And I smelled his essence around me.

• 13:13Theo Von?

  Did you go see him?

• 13:13Speaker 02

  No, I called him to see if he wanted, you know what I mean, but he was going through something.

• 13:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 13:18Speaker 02

  You know, as fighters do. Dear heavenly father.

• 13:22Theo Von?

  Okay, you wanna pray?

• 13:22Speaker 02

  Let's do it. Well, that's, I just started.

• 13:24Theo Von?

  Okay, sorry.

• 13:26Speaker 02

  Dear heavenly father, lord and savior, father of all, thank you so much. Of the gratitude, of the fish, fish in the sea.

• 13:36Theo Von?

  Amen.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  And the deep fish, like the Greenland shark, who lives 500 years, 500 years ago.

• 13:43Theo Von?

  Does he really? Sorry, go on.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  No, see, that's what I'm talking about.

• 13:46Theo Von?

  I forgot.

• 13:47Speaker 02

  What do you mean? Look at me right now, dude. No, just look at me right now, dude.

• 13:50Theo Von?

  Can I oblige during the prayer?

• 13:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, because the prayer stopped because you interrupted.

• 13:54Theo Von?

  All right, what?

• 13:55Speaker 02

  Don't do that.

• 13:56Theo Von?

  All right.

• 13:56Speaker 02

  All right. Greenland shark, all right, thank you for the trees, nature, thank you so much for

• 14:07Speaker 02

  the war.

• 14:11Theo Von?

  What war do you mean, son?

• 14:13Speaker 02

  The war within my heart, you know, the war that I wanna start with Theo. Because I did one line in his movie and he put me on the fucking poster.

• 14:25Theo Von?

  What?

• 14:26Speaker 02

  And, that's my prayer, dude. Sorry, come on.

• 14:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:29Speaker 02

  I mean, as if I was in the movie, he put me straight up in the middle of a movie poster. Dear lord, when I had one fucking life, sorry for swearing, lord, but I'm very angry, I have a war in my heart.

• 14:43Theo Von?

  It's.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, one line, and, no, I'm not done, right? I also had a patch over my face, so most people didn't even know it was fucking me. You know, lord, please give me the forgiveness, you know what I mean, and the solitude, and the confinement, and the love for Theo. Amen.

• 15:03Theo Von?

  Amen.

• 15:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you, God.

• 15:07Theo Von?

  Us boys, go watch it in your local theater.

• 15:10Speaker 02

  Streaming and streaming, you know what I mean?

• 15:12Theo Von?

  Bro, you were first of all.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  No, no, first of all, what? First of all, what?

• 15:18Theo Von?

  First of all.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  No, first of all, what? Because let me tell you something, Bado.

• 15:22Theo Von?

  I'm gonna take my glasses off, dude.

• 15:23Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:23Theo Von?

  Let me tell you something, Bado.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  Take my hat off.

• 15:25Theo Von?

  I'll take my fucking beanie off, dude.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  You will?

• 15:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  All right.

• 15:28Theo Von?

  All right, hold on, I'm gonna put another hat on. Yeah, I'm gonna put this hat on.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  All right.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Why is this hat over there?

• 15:38Theo Von?

  I don't know. This one's over here, but I just picked that one up.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  Let me tell you something, Bado.

• 15:42Theo Von?

  All right.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Okay. I'm not afraid of you. We're friends.

• 15:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, we're friends.

• 15:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're deep. You know what I mean?

• 15:50Theo Von?

  We were in the war.

• 15:51Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 15:52Theo Von?

  Yes, we were.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, we was, right?

• 15:54Theo Von?

  This hat gives me like go- Gone with the Wind vibes. This hat give me Gong with the Wind vibes.

• 16:04Theo Von?

  Or Gone with the Nins.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, Nins, yeah, yeah.

• 16:07Theo Von?

  You know how you spell that word? N-U-N-G-U-Y-N?

• 16:09Speaker 02

  No, what is it?

• 16:11Theo Von?

  Spell it out, N-G-U-Y-N's.

• 16:15Theo Von?

  N-G-U-Y-E-N, the most common Vietnamese.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  Last name.

• 16:19Theo Von?

  Surname, yeah?

• 16:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, Nguyn.

• 16:21Theo Von?

  Nguyn.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:21Theo Von?

  Oh, that's how they say it, Nguyn.

• 16:23Speaker 02

  Okay, well.

• 16:24Theo Von?

  But also, a lot of people.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  You have to look that up.

• 16:26Theo Von?

  A lot of black people, if they're asking like

• 16:30Theo Von?

  like, uh, like if something's gonna happen, they'll say that.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  What do you mean? What do you mean?

• 16:36Theo Von?

  That.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  Nguyn.

• 16:38Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  Like, what's up, Nguyn?

• 16:40Theo Von?

  No. Oh. You'll be like, dude, are we going or not? And you'll be like, yeah, Nguyn.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  Oh, I see.

• 16:48Theo Von?

  Don't you think?

• 16:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I, I've never heard that. You know what I mean? Yo, what was that party line? You know what I mean? That was Nguyn like a motherfucker.

• 16:56Theo Von?

  No, that's not it.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  That's not it? I don't know how to use it.

• 16:59Theo Von?

  That's racial, I'm saying.

• 17:00Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, oh, oh, I, no, that wasn't racial?

• 17:03Theo Von?

  This hat seems racial, I think.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, this hat feels, seems very racial.

• 17:07Theo Von?

  Dude, Bobby.

• 17:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, just take the hat off.

• 17:09Theo Von?

  We'll put him back on in a minute.

• 17:11Speaker 02

  I'm gonna go back, let's go back to our regular attire.

• 17:12Theo Von?

  All right. And put these on together.

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna put my glasses on. Let's get regular. So, um, it was just a joke. I'm grateful that you used me in the movie. Yeah, for sure, dude. Uh, I wish you weren't available for more days, for one. That's insane. You were shooting something. That's pure insanity. I have nothing going on. It's your schedule. This was eighteen months ago. Yeah, it was eighteen months ago, yeah. So, anyway, um, I'm glad I was, um, involved in that. I agree. We probably should take you off of it. What? I didn't make this poster, but I did, but I should have said something then. I should have asked you. No, it's fine. I mean, you use, you, here's what it is. If you had a line in my movie, I would put you on the poster. Yeah. Yeah, because it's like, um, you're a big draw. But I should have asked you about it, though, probably. Uh, can I be honest with you? Because I like to set boundaries now.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure. Someone Lexapro, and... I just got off. Two ships passing in the night. I know. Why? Like, through, uh, the night of Hormuz, the Strait of Hormuz. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. We're just slowly passing through the night. Yeah, like, we don't have any oil. We, we have no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we only have, like, plastic containers. Right? Yeah. Right? We're just collecting semen. Yes, or seeds. Yeah, we're collecting seeds, seeds and semen. We're just hell, we're just wandering, we're lost. We're lost, yeah, yeah. But anyway, um, I don't even know why we got, oh, yeah, we're passing that. I'm on Lexapro. Yeah. So, um, you know, I like to set boundaries, right? And I like to be real. And my, I want to say something real to you is, is that, um... I'm ready to hear it.

• 18:45Speaker 02

  Sorry. I get it. I'm ready to hear it, man. No, I just said it. Okay. Yeah, I mean, so I get the bus poster. It was just a joke, the prayer, right? And, um, you know, I mean, but I have to be, admit, when I first saw it, I was annoyed. Yep. You know, and I have to tell you that as a friend. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Uh, I, I'm grateful that I'm, uh, you know, when people ask me to do things, you know what I mean? But, um... You felt like we were using you.

• 19:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  A little bit.

• 19:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? But being on set with you guys and having fun, I already expressed myself to Dave. You know what I mean?

• 19:20Theo Von?

  I didn't know that. He didn't even mention it to me.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  No, he showed me it. I was, in my mind, I didn't say it then, but later when I saw him, I said it. And then he goes, then he goes, "Next movie, you'll get bigger role." Yeah, yeah.

• 19:31Theo Von?

  This was the much wider use poster, I think.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Oh, here we go. What are you, Pakistan? Uh, you're Pakistan all of a sudden, trying to be middle?

• 19:42Theo Von?

  This dude's poster saying-

• 19:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, nah, dude. Right, we're at war, guys.

• 19:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude.

• 19:46Speaker 02

  Nothing, nothing you can do, alright? He has a 15-point plan, I got a 10-point plan, they ain't mixing. Right, dude?

• 19:54Theo Von?

  Trump's like, "I got a 6-point, I got a 40-point plan."

• 19:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, it ain't happening. So my point is, is this, okay? You know, I really like, you know what I mean, because I've heard your stance on Rogan. You know what I mean, um, about your feelings toward, you know, what's going on? Especially in that area of the region, I really-

• 20:13Theo Von?

  In the Middle East?

• 20:14Speaker 02

  No, dude.

• 20:16Theo Von?

  In Austin?

• 20:16Speaker 02

  Alhambra.

• 20:17Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know what's going on over there, dude.

• 20:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, bro.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  The bubble shops are shutting down.

• 20:22Theo Von?

  We're shooting pool with J-Rod today!

• 20:25Speaker 02

  No.

• 20:26Theo Von?

  You follow J-Rod, dude? He's the best.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  No, I don't know J-Rod. No, but my, my point is, is that I really, you know, I think I agree with you, with a lot of these things that you're saying, you know what I mean? I don't say it out loud because, um, you know, I'm a libtard.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  I've always have and always will be. I've always have been.

• 20:43Theo Von?

  You think so?

• 20:43Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:44Theo Von?

  I mean, who is, we're all liberal about some stuff. I think we're all just whatever.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  I'm full-blown liberal.

• 20:48Theo Von?

  Oh, you are?

• 20:48Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:49Theo Von?

  Nah.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  I'm full-blown, yeah. I don't give a fuck about no immigration.

• 20:53Theo Von?

  I didn't know that, man. And it's okay, I don't know.

• 20:55Speaker 02

  I, I mean, I, I, I don't, you know, um, I don't talk about politics, but I, I just wanna-

• 20:59Theo Von?

  Well, you never talk about it.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  I never have, never will.

• 21:02Theo Von?

  You never do.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the first time I've ever brought it up.

• 21:05Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  Really. And I want to say to you that, um, I like what you're saying about it, that's all. Well, it's confusing.

• 21:13Theo Von?

  It's confusing.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  And, um, you know, all you have to do is you have to ask a question. And you go, why is this happening? And you do some research, right? And then you figure it out. You have critical thinking and you go, and then you look at the past. And it's a little confusing, you know? And I have a lot of questions. Why are you looking at me like that?

• 21:34Theo Von?

  No, I'm just trying to absorb what you're saying.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, these are the things that you know.

• 21:37Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 21:38Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 21:38Theo Von?

  No, I'm just saying, right now, you look like a, like, kind of like a wasp that listens to 311, kind of.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Why does it, dude, why does it always have to be a, a, a, a, a put down?

• 21:50Theo Von?

  You're right, sorry.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 21:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're right, dude.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  I'm giving you a compliment. You look like, I say, I look like a mosquito from some sort of southern land.

• 21:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, you know, put it back on then, I'll give you a better one.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, give me another one, dude.

• 22:00Theo Von?

  You look like the, uh, oh, you look like the eighth dwarf, homie.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 22:05Theo Von?

  You know what I'm saying? There's like sleepy, sneezy. Sleepy, sneezy, dopey.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:10Theo Von?

  And ramen.

• 22:11Speaker 02

  No, no, it's gotta be E.

• 22:13Theo Von?

  Oh, sleepy, sneezy, dopey.

• 22:15Speaker 02

  Gookey.

• 22:16Theo Von?

  No, why? Gookey is not a word, I don't think. Gookey monster.

• 22:22Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 22:23Theo Von?

  Where's the gookey?

• 22:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I remember that, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:27Theo Von?

  Have you seen the gookeys around here?

• 22:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:30Theo Von?

  Oh, chocolate chip gookey.

• 22:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:32Theo Von?

  And it's just like Chinese guy with a fucking handful of chocolate.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  I remember the days of your back, your, I was thinking about some of the stories you told back where you grew up and stuff.

• 22:41Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, and it's so weird. And I thought to myself, what if there was a Korean, Yvonne?

• 22:47Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 22:47Speaker 02

  That'd be so funny.

• 22:49Theo Von?

  Oh, back when I lived, you know, in Busan, we had a guy in our neighborhood. We called him Crazy Ah Chor. Left, I was Chinese, right, I was Japanese. We don't know what were communist.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  That's like, you know what I mean? Some of your stories, you know what I mean? And the people that you grew up with is so, it's, I, I, it's so, so believable and true.

• 23:11Theo Von?

  Would it translate to y'all's culture, you think? My culture and y'all's culture?

• 23:14Speaker 02

  We have the same fucking culture. What the fuck are you talking about?

• 23:17Theo Von?

  What, you know what I'm saying?

• 23:18Speaker 02

  No, no, I don't know what you're saying. I'm an American.

• 23:21Theo Von?

  Well, I mean.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  No, no, no. I, I'm tired of this shit.

• 23:24Theo Von?

  I'm not saying.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you are.

• 23:26Theo Von?

  Probably I'm not.

• 23:27Speaker 02

  You're doing this thing again.

• 23:28Theo Von?

  I'm not, I've never done anything.

• 23:30Speaker 02

  Oh, you're saying, you're trying to separate us when we're the same. You and I have the same empathy.

• 23:35Theo Von?

  All right.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  You're a very sensitive guy.

• 23:38Theo Von?

  Are you not?

• 23:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that you have um a tad bit of ADHD.

• 23:46Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 23:46Theo Von?

  Okay. And there, these are things that you, that's why we're friends, because I understand these things about you. You know what I mean? And you're a sensitive, empathetic, gay dude, really.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, dude. I mean, let's be real.

• 24:01Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 24:01Speaker 02

  And you've kissed the tip.

• 24:02Theo Von?

  I've never had.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  Yes, you have, you've kissed the tip, dude.

• 24:05Theo Von?

  Dude, I never even went by anybody's winner in my whole life. One dude like was trying to get us to like play Navy in his bathtub, whatever. And dude, I fucking, I didn't, I didn't reenlist. Huh? I didn't reenlist.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Oh, you didn't reenlist, alright.

• 24:20Theo Von?

  No, I wouldn't, dude.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  I signed up for the draft for that guy. Yeah, yeah. I was on that boat, dude.

• 24:25Theo Von?

  If you, if you, if they, who would you fight for if they had a draft?

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Well, I, I, I mean, here's the thing, dude. If they, because I'm 54. So they said, there's a draft and we're extending the age to 55.

• 24:39Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  I think I have a compelling reason to get out.

• 24:42Theo Von?

  What is it?

• 24:43Speaker 02

  Well, I, one of them is, is that I will kill more of us than them.

• 24:49Theo Von?

  You think?

• 24:49Speaker 02

  I'll go, and I'll go in a circle.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  And just do a full circle.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  You're right, right? Right? And they're like, dude, you killed Jim, Frank, you know what I mean?

• 25:00Theo Von?

  Like a little, like a yard, like a yard waterer?

• 25:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would kill more people than them, right? I also have like, you know what I mean? I get hungry real quick. Like some of the, like, some of these boats that are out there, I mean, US vessels are out there. They're running out of food, right? So if I was in a jungle fighting in a war, I would just be biting trees and shit.

• 25:22Theo Von?

  Eat, eat whatever.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  I'd eat, I would eat anything. If I would, dude, if you got shot, I'm gonna take some.

• 25:29Theo Von?

  What, you eat, you eat part of my body, you think?

• 25:31Speaker 02

  There's some.

• 25:32Theo Von?

  Well, what, what part would you have first, you think? Be honest.

• 25:36Speaker 02

  The tip dude.

• 25:38Theo Von?

  Ooh. Bro, just have it all if you're gonna have it.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  No, no, just the tip.

• 25:42Theo Von?

  Just if you eat the tip off dude, it's gonna fucking look so weird.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  You're dead, look at the fuck, huh?

• 25:47Theo Von?

  I'm a POW, I said.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  No, I want, this is what I want.

• 25:50Theo Von?

  If I was a POW dude, don't eat just the half of my wiener a little bit.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  I would tuck, I would cut all of it, your testicles and your penis, right? And I would tuck everything inside a hole and then at your funeral, people are gonna go, Theo was a fucking...

• 26:04Theo Von?

  Trans man?

• 26:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:06Theo Von?

  Nah.

• 26:06Speaker 02

  I'd do tricks.

• 26:08Theo Von?

  Dude, if, what if I was a trans man and they buried me in a Trans Am dude?

• 26:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, that would be shit, bro. I'll be there at the funeral, but no, um...

• 26:16Theo Von?

  But dude, that'd be cra- like, yeah, just don't eat...

• 26:18Speaker 02

  What would you, draft wise, would you?

• 26:20Theo Von?

  Well, let me finish this up. Do you just threaten to eat my wiener in a fictional story?

• 26:23Speaker 02

  I was kidding, dude.

• 26:24Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:25Theo Von?

  Well, say that then, because, uh...

• 26:27Speaker 02

  This is a comedy podcast.

• 26:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, I understand that.

• 26:30Speaker 02

  You understand that?

• 26:30Theo Von?

  But when you show up with your energy and...

• 26:33Speaker 02

  What do you mean my energy?

• 26:34Theo Von?

  Some of it seems today to be a lot and a little bit threatening. Is that fair to say?

• 26:40Speaker 03

  A little bit, a little bit.

• 26:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, and you say I'm gonna have a...

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Pakistan again, huh?

• 26:44Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're just like, I'm gonna, yeah, just, yeah. No, when you say you're, I'm just gonna nip off the end or whatever.

• 26:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would never do that dude, you know what I...

• 26:51Theo Von?

  But I don't want the, I don't want my wiener to be missing the end of it and people like, what happened? I'm gonna get, it got nipped or whatever.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  I, dude, dude, the honest truth...

• 26:59Theo Von?

  Can we say nipped or not?

• 27:01Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 27:01Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I would, I would nip, right? I wouldn't lick, you mean? I wouldn't gargle.

• 27:09Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  You mean, I wouldn't smell.

• 27:11Theo Von?

  What are you talking about?

• 27:12Speaker 02

  No, what I'm saying, if you died on the, in the war.

• 27:16Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  And I would literally take your tags.

• 27:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  Right? I would bury you. I'd make a li- I'd make a little, you know what I mean, tombstone.

• 27:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  Here lies comedian Theo Von. And I wouldn't do anything, you know what I mean?

• 27:31Theo Von?

  You wouldn't do anything to my body to desecrate it?

• 27:33Speaker 02

  No, dude. But everyone around me, other soldiers, yeah.

• 27:37Theo Von?

  You think so?

• 27:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, cuz I know you. There's no way I'm gonna eat, to eat the tip. Or eat any part of your body.

• 27:43Theo Von?

  Ah, dude, I'd fucking have a little bit of your ass, boy. Not your ass, but just...

• 27:47Speaker 02

  Don't say it like boy.

• 27:48Theo Von?

  Sorry, buddy.

• 27:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:50Theo Von?

  Let me put this hat on.

• 27:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna put my hat on.

• 27:52Speaker 04

  Bobby, can you scoot your chair to the left a little? What? Just scoot left a little when you can get seated. Okay.

• 27:59Theo Von?

  You know what time it is, huh? PrizePix, PrizePix. Who you with, PrizePix? PrizePix. It's America's number one sports picks app. That's what it is. The app is really simple to use. To get started, you just pick more or less on two plus players stat projections. That's it. You pick more or less on two plus players stat projections and lock in your picks. Plus, you can even follow me. You can tail me at Theo Von directly in the app. You know, I don't know what I'm doing. I do it for fun. See your friends' picks directly in the social feed and you can tail them with just one tap. It's all that easy. It's got a social element there on PrizePix.

• 28:43Theo Von?

  And with the NBA playoffs here, there's no better time to get in on the action. Every night of the playoffs, PrizePix is giving all users a live boost that drops in your account during games. All you need to do is submit a lineup with at least one live NBA square to claim the boost. Best of all, PrizePix will give you $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup. Win or lose, you get 50 bucks in lineups. Use promo code Theo when you download the app and sign up today. PrizePix code Theo, play responsibly. As you guys know, Moonpay, it's my go-to place to buy crypto. It's the truth. It's been the truth. And, and now Moonpay just launched something new.

• 29:27Theo Von?

  They call Moonpay Agents. It's tech that, uh, lets AI actually handle your crypto for you. Yeah, that's wild. Think, think of it like a smart assistant that can buy, sell, trade, swap coins, set up recurring buys and even convert crypto back into cash, all on your behalf. You just set up a wallet through Moonpay. You verify your identity once. Fund it with a bank transfer, Apple Pay, Venmo, PayPal, whatever. Your grandma's giving you some money and your agent can get to work. Your keys stay on your device so you stay in control and...

• 30:08Theo Von?

  Here is the truth is that it works across major chains like Bitcoin, Ethereum, Solana, Esolana. Moonpay already powers crypto for millions of people in over 180 countries. Check out Moonpay Agents at moonpay.com/agents, A-G-E-N-T-S. Crypto is risky and it can be volatile, so do your own research and trade responsibly. Dude, I remember the summer, bro. I remember the first time I'd ever seen a, um, what's it called? An eagle, bro. First time I'd gotten out of school for summer vacation, right? You remember, you know, that last day of the school year, you get out.

• 30:53Theo Von?

  And I remember walking down the street because my bike, somebody stole my bike. And I saw that beautiful thing and I couldn't, I didn't even know they had, you could put that much. Just dang, just quality beauty on to something. I didn't think you could get something that nice unless you rented it from like an Ashley Furniture or something. But anyway, iconic summer moments deserve an iconic drink. It's Mountain Dew, an American original. The refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew is the perfect companion to your American summer adventures. When I get me a little Mountain Dew, man, I like to diet. Cause I, you know, I'm saying, cause I get that rattle in me sometimes. I like that Mountain Dew diet and my, I get to hold my little god nephew sometimes.

• 31:35Theo Von?

  And he's a baby and if you just, dude, I get me a little Mountain Dew diet in me and you put my god nephew in my arms and dang. Amen, brother. Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew, an American original. Tasting great since 48, 1948. Look for American Dew limited time packaging or find it in stores near you at mountain Dew.com. That's mountain Dew.com.

• 32:05Theo Von?

  You look like Tokyo Drift AF, bro, right now.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  Thank you, man. Another one, huh? He's gonna keep going.

• 32:11Theo Von?

  I'm just saying, look like Tokyo Drift as fuck.

• 32:13Speaker 02

  It's a fun game. Um, movie, I mean.

• 32:15Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 32:16Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 32:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm just saying.

• 32:18Speaker 02

  Okay, so, in a war, now what would you do?

• 32:20Theo Von?

  In a war?

• 32:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:22Theo Von?

  I would.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  Okay, hold on. Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 32:25Theo Von?

  Chill out, man.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  We're fighting again, let me, let me give you the circumstances.

• 32:27Theo Von?

  Okay, give me the circumstances.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. We're doing Vietnam 2.

• 32:30Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 32:31Speaker 02

  There's gotta be a sequel. Yeah, cuz we lost the last one.

• 32:34Theo Von?

  Did y'all?

• 32:36Speaker 02

  Y'all? I'm always on your team.

• 32:40Speaker 02

  What do you mean, y'all? Dude, I was born here, guy.

• 32:42Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 32:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:44Theo Von?

  I know.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do, yeah.

• 32:45Theo Von?

  But I'm saying.

• 32:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I'd still be, dude, if I was an American soldier, I'd still be wearing this hat.

• 32:50Theo Von?

  You would?

• 32:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:51Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, that's good, yeah.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  So I can sneak onto the other side.

• 32:53Theo Von?

  Bro, we would do, we'd be in the best military ever.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  You and I?

• 32:57Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 32:57Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:58Theo Von?

  Dude, we would fucking stay up all night.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:00Theo Von?

  Partying.

• 33:01Speaker 02

  Oh, dude, I would relapse.

• 33:02Theo Von?

  Eating Twizzlers. Oh, yeah, dude, we'd, we'd relapse on opium, dude, that our own government would sell to its soldiers.

• 33:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. We, we, yeah, we'd be shooting opium.

• 33:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 33:12Speaker 02

  Listening to Purple Haze.

• 33:13Theo Von?

  Some folks born, may eat or wear the flag.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, we'd be cutting our nips.

• 33:17Theo Von?

  Huh, huh. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and we're like, shooting opium, right? And they're just like kissing tips.

• 33:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  Dude, and, no.

• 33:28Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you'd be kissing the tip.

• 33:31Speaker 02

  With music, heroin, just the tip.

• 33:34Theo Von?

  Bro, I just wanna be straight and help my country.

• 33:36Speaker 02

  I'm straight too, dude, I have a girlfriend now.

• 33:38Theo Von?

  Dude, here's what we'd be doing, we'd be staying up late, and we'd get pissed off.

• 33:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:41Theo Von?

  And I would cut one of my nipples off and just throw it, and you'd catch it in your mouth.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  Oh, that'd be cool, dude.

• 33:45Theo Von?

  That's how fucked up we'd be.

• 33:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:47Theo Von?

  That's partying.

• 33:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:48Theo Von?

  That's partying.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  That's partying, dude.

• 33:50Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, dude, I know it.

• 33:51Speaker 02

  And then I would sew it back on your nip.

• 33:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 33:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude.

• 33:54Theo Von?

  Good God. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. Born in the USA.

• 34:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, but anyway, we're Vietnam 2. Vietnam 2, that, what would you do? You're drafted. Theo Von drafted.

• 34:09Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 34:10Speaker 02

  Born in the USA isn't a Vietnam song. That was written way after.

• 34:14Theo Von?

  I know, but I'm just saying.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  Don't sing that song then.

• 34:16Theo Von?

  It doesn't even apply to both of us, so I won't sing it. Let's go on, what did you ask me?

• 34:20Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 34:21Theo Von?

  I mean, bro.

• 34:22Speaker 02

  Dude, I'm USA all the way, dude.

• 34:24Theo Von?

  Are you?

• 34:25Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, dude. Well, guess what one of my favorite restaurants are? Cracker Barrel.

• 34:31Theo Von?

  Oh, it is?

• 34:31Speaker 02

  Am I American or what? Cracker Barrel.

• 34:33Theo Von?

  Cracker Barrel.

• 34:34Speaker 02

  Cracker Barrel.

• 34:34Theo Von?

  Yeah. Really?

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's the best breakfast.

• 34:37Theo Von?

  Dude.

• 34:38Speaker 02

  It's a good breakfast spot.

• 34:38Theo Von?

  It is, sometimes it gets.

• 34:40Speaker 02

  But when I walk in, in the south, there always is like, everyone stops working.

• 34:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  When I walk in.

• 34:45Theo Von?

  Yeah. Well, there's kind of like a moment of remembrance, like when not.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  You think so? They're not saluting me.

• 34:50Theo Von?

  No.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  They're like, what the fuck is this?

• 34:52Theo Von?

  Well, it's because some of it's just like, there's like an old, like, I remember this, like, my, my stepdad, and he was in the wars, right? And he.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  What war?

• 35:02Theo Von?

  I don't know, he was in at least two, two, two out of three. And he went to, he would take my mom to the Chinese buffet. It was called.

• 35:10Speaker 02

  In the war?

• 35:11Theo Von?

  No, no, in, in town, he would take this, my mom, they had like this place called Yellow Bellies or whatever, it was a Chinese buffet or whatever. I don't remember, what was it called? Let's even look it up. But he would take my, he would take my mom over there, I'm not even joking, dude.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:24Theo Von?

  Yeah, he would. I'm not joking, Bobby.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  No, it's, it's not called Yellow Bellies.

• 35:29Theo Von?

  It was.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  There's no way it's called Yellow Bellies, dude.

• 35:32Theo Von?

  Bro.

• 35:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:33Theo Von?

  It was called Yellow Bellies. And they changed the name, they changed one of the letters on the sign.

• 35:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:38Theo Von?

  To, um, to like Yellow Bells or whatever.

• 35:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh, that's better.

• 35:43Theo Von?

  Because the eye burnt out or whatever. So it was just like Yellow Bells and it was just like.

• 35:47Speaker 02

  Oh, it was a belly with an eye at the end?

• 35:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, yeah.

• 35:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, see, yeah, that's what I'm saying, it's a play on words.

• 35:54Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 35:55Theo Von?

  But it's, um, so anyway, what happened was, he would, after dinner, he would always go sit my mom in the car, and then he'd go back in, and he would like, apologize to some of the workers that worked there for like, things that had happened when he was in, um, different conflicts, yeah.

• 36:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, wow. But, but we've never been in a conflict with China. Is it Chinese restaurant?

• 36:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  So your uncle would go into a Chinese restaurant and apologize.

• 36:20Theo Von?

  It wasn't my uncle, it was somebody that my mom was smashing.

• 36:23Speaker 02

  Alright, whoever, your mom smashing.

• 36:24Theo Von?

  Somebody my mom was smashing.

• 36:25Speaker 02

  So we've never been in a war really with China? So he's apologizing to a group of people that they have no idea what the fuck he's talking about.

• 36:35Theo Von?

  They know.

• 36:36Speaker 02

  No, they don't know. A Chinese people are like, "Oh, oh, oh, thank you so much for apologizing because we were feeling so bad about it."

• 36:44Theo Von?

  No, but dude, not everybody, this happens a lot in small towns, Bobby, and this is the truth. A lot of small towns, if they open up a place that is ethnical in the town and it's different.

• 36:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:54Theo Von?

  They will hire anybody that even looks like that culture to work there.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  So I could get a job at Yellow Belly?

• 37:00Theo Von?

  Fuck, yeah dude.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  Manage it.

• 37:02Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 37:02Speaker 02

  Management?

• 37:03Theo Von?

  Maybe assistant manager.

• 37:04Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 37:06Theo Von?

  You know, maybe they might let you manage on Sundays.

• 37:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:08Theo Von?

  But what I'm saying is this, so he would, then he would go in and kind of apologize. And you have to think, this is something kind of crazy.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:13Theo Von?

  So a lot of people went and fought in some of these wars, right? Then they came back and they never saw anybody from any of these cultures until like 40 years later, when a restaurant with some different ethnical food showed up in their town. And that's the, that's like, they never, that's kind of crazy to think that, you know? Does it make sense to you?

• 37:35Speaker 02

  Let me get this right.

• 37:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 37:36Speaker 02

  Okay, so what you're saying is, you're, let's just call this guy Jim.

• 37:41Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 37:42Speaker 02

  What do you want to call him?

• 37:43Theo Von?

  His name is Charlie.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  Okay. Alright, can I call him Charlie?

• 37:46Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, ironic that his name is Charlie.

• 37:50Theo Von?

  I mean, look.

• 37:51Speaker 02

  And he was in Nam.

• 37:52Theo Von?

  You were gonna call him that no matter what.

• 37:56Theo Von?

  So, yeah, but sure, you can.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:58Theo Von?

  And he died and he wore a lot of gloves.

• 38:00Speaker 02

  Rest in peace, Charlie.

• 38:01Theo Von?

  He wore a lot of gloves.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  So what you're telling me is Charlie came back from the Vietnam War.

• 38:05Theo Von?

  Yep.

• 38:05Speaker 02

  Didn't see an Asian person for 40 fucking years.

• 38:09Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 38:09Speaker 02

  Right? And all of a sudden, Yellow Belly opens, a Chinese restaurant.

• 38:13Theo Von?

  Semi-Chinese, all Chinese.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, semi-Chinese, alright? And he walked in there and because he hadn't seen a Vietnamese person in 40 years, he went up to a Chinese person and apologized for the Vietnam War and what he did.

• 38:30Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 38:31Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 38:31Theo Von?

  His heart had been changed.

• 38:34Theo Von?

  That's the truth, Bobby.

• 38:37Theo Von?

  Bobby, that's the truth, man. I swear.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  I know, but maybe go to a

• 38:40Theo Von?

  And my mom would tell you.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  I understand that, but maybe go to a Vietnamese person.

• 38:44Theo Von?

  But they don't have all that.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  They don't have a Vietnamese restaurant in town.

• 38:47Theo Von?

  We, it doesn't, at that point, it's like you just take what you can get, bro. They, they're, they'll hire a fucking Mexican guy who, who's a fucking

• 38:55Speaker 02

  Who's high.

• 38:55Theo Von?

  No.

• 38:56Speaker 02

  So his eyes look Chinese.

• 38:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, who's

• 38:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A high, a high Mexican guy.

• 38:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, or just like You smoked up 20% when you walk here. Whose eyes, you know, he's got those low rider eyes, you know, like

• 39:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, sometimes you see those.

• 39:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 39:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:08Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, so what you're saying to me is, is that, and did he feel, did Charlie feel better about doing that?

• 39:15Theo Von?

  He felt, no, I just think over the years, his heart had been like, he just kinda like, you know, something had, you know, he just had probably some remorse.

• 39:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, and, and, and I feel empathy for that, but, um, I'll tell you what the Chinese people were thinking at, uh, Yellow Belly.

• 39:29Theo Von?

  What? What the fuck was that about?

• 39:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what they're, they're thinking.

• 39:34Theo Von?

  What, what are you talking about? Nah.

• 39:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:37Theo Von?

  Because they're not in the Vietnam. Do you understand?

• 39:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, I, I understand. I, I, I, I think that there's

• 39:43Theo Von?

  No, I know exactly what you're saying.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  I, I, I, I think, no, because we do this all the time.

• 39:47Theo Von?

  No, we don't.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:48Theo Von?

  No, we don't.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, we do. We, we do this all the time and, you know, uh,

• 39:53Theo Von?

  What do you mean, "we do this"? You saying, you and I have this conversation a lot?

• 39:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, you and I always go into, and I don't wanna do it anymore. I think this is the last time. Okay, give me the other hat then.

• 40:07Theo Von?

  Oh, you want that share crop I had, huh? How you doing, man? Huh? How you doing, man? I'm good, sir. Yeah. Billy Lee, that's my name. Billy? Billy Lee. Billy Lee? Billy Lee. I love you, I love you. I'm happy to be here today, working for you, sir. What can I do for you? I just wanna apologize for what I did to your people in the Vietnam War.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  I apologize. What's your name, man?

• 40:34Theo Von?

  My name?

• 40:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, man.

• 40:36Theo Von?

  My name's Clark.

• 40:37Speaker 02

  Clark, Clark, Clark, I apologize. But see how that feels?

• 40:43Theo Von?

  Wait, hold on.

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, you have nothing to do with the fucking Vietnam War.

• 40:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  You're a white dude named Clark, wearing that hat, because you just happened to get a job as a bussler at Yellow Belly, right? And some guy, Charlie-

• 40:56Theo Von?

  I've been working here for almost three months.

• 40:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, so, hey, Clark, I want to apologize, because I know you're wearing that hat, you're probably, you know what I mean? Yeah, I slaughtered a village, you know what I mean, and I feel bad about it, man. So, hey, I want to, give me a hug, man, we hug, right?

• 41:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  Give it a little tip. Five bucks, right?

• 41:13Theo Von?

  That's what he would do, he'd go in there and hit him a little extra.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, and he, Clark, uh, Charlie seems like he would hide the tip. So there'd be a nice, like, a nice, like, it's like in heated rivalry. You ever see that show?

• 41:23Theo Von?

  I haven't seen that.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. You know that show? The gay, gay hockey show?

• 41:28Theo Von?

  Uh-uh, is that a show?

• 41:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, you don't, you never heard of heated rivalry, it's the hottest show in, in America, dude.

• 41:32Theo Von?

  Is it really? I think, I heard Josh Morrissey's in it.

• 41:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, it's about these two, um, gay, top gay hockey players, but they're in love.

• 41:40Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 41:41Speaker 02

  There's a lot of gay love in it.

• 41:41Theo Von?

  Is Gianni Paolo in it?

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, no, no.

• 41:45Theo Von?

  I think Gianni and Josh Morrissey might be in it.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, um, in heated rivalry-

• 41:50Theo Von?

  No shade, Josh.

• 41:50Speaker 02

  There's a scene in heated rivalry-

• 41:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 41:54Speaker 02

  When one of the hockey players passes a water bottle, right, so I'm gonna just show you what one of them does.

• 41:59Theo Von?

  All right.

• 42:00Speaker 02

  Right, so they're, they're not out, you know what I mean, they're like these, like, manly hockey players.

• 42:05Theo Von?

  Right.

• 42:05Speaker 02

  Can you pick it up with that hand, please?

• 42:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. No, pick it with that hand.

• 42:10Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 42:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, and he passes it like this, right?

• 42:12Theo Von?

  Mm.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  And then he does this.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  How does that feel?

• 42:16Theo Von?

  Do it with this hand, so that people can see it on the camera, so you don't-

• 42:18Speaker 02

  Okay, okay.

• 42:18Theo Von?

  Do it with your other hand.

• 42:19Speaker 02

  So do it with this hand?

• 42:20Theo Von?

  Use your left hand, yeah.

• 42:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't have a lot of control in this hand. But I'll try.

• 42:24Theo Von?

  I don't give a shit.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  Okay, so you pick the, pick the bottom, uh, pick the top.

• 42:28Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 42:29Speaker 02

  So you grab it like this, and he goes-

• 42:31Theo Von?

  What?

• 42:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then you take the bottle.

• 42:34Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 42:35Speaker 02

  That was like one of the first episodes.

• 42:37Theo Von?

  It's like kind of like a, um, gay relay race.

• 42:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was a gay relay race. But it's also a way to show, like, you know what I mean?

• 42:46Theo Von?

  Right, there's foreshadowing.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's some foreshadowing. So if I did that to you, you, you and I doing a show together at the store, yo, yo Bobby, hand me a bottle of water, right? And I handed you a bottle of water.

• 42:57Theo Von?

  And you stayed a-

• 42:58Speaker 02

  And I, and I kind of just briefly with my finger rubbed your finger.

• 43:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  How would you feel about that?

• 43:03Theo Von?

  I would feel like you were rubbing my finger and I would feel like you were trying to give me, trying to say something to me, trying to say something to me with just your finger without even saying something to me that was gay.

• 43:14Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 43:14Theo Von?

  And that, and that, and it would be something that was gay.

• 43:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I'll tell you this right now, I don't give a fuck.

• 43:20Theo Von?

  But would you do that to me? What if I was unconscious?

• 43:23Speaker 02

  No, dude. You have to feel the finger.

• 43:26Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 43:27Speaker 02

  You know that slogan, feel the finger?

• 43:30Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:31Speaker 02

  My grandfather used to say it all the time. Feel the finger!

• 43:35Theo Von?

  But do you, yeah, see?

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:36Theo Von?

  So your grandparents can do that kind of shit.

• 43:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:38Theo Von?

  But my grandparents can't go into a, um, a, uh-

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Chinese restaurant?

• 43:44Theo Von?

  Yeah, a buffet, and, um-

• 43:46Speaker 02

  A Chinese buffet?

• 43:47Theo Von?

  A Chinese buffet and try and reconcile some differences, that's what I don't understand. I'm saying that's-

• 43:52Speaker 02

  You can, you can reconcile differences with people that you should, you have to reconcile differences with.

• 43:58Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  Not some other nation or people. It makes no sense.

• 44:03Theo Von?

  I don't know if that's-

• 44:04Speaker 02

  You, you don't-

• 44:04Theo Von?

  I don't know if I agree with you.

• 44:06Speaker 02

  Make your argument!

• 44:08Theo Von?

  Well, my-

• 44:08Speaker 02

  Make your argument!

• 44:09Theo Von?

  I'm trying to make it, man.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, make your fucking argument!

• 44:11Theo Von?

  You keep attacking me.

• 44:12Speaker 02

  I'm not attacking you because what you're saying is nonsensical.

• 44:15Theo Von?

  Bro, I'm just-

• 44:16Speaker 02

  No, no, no, bro, no, you don't know anything about, you think, here, here, here's what you think.

• 44:21Theo Von?

  Bobby!

• 44:21Speaker 02

  No, I'm, no, I'm sorry, Pakistan, right? I've been here so many different times, right? And I'm gonna say what I'm gonna say, okay?

• 44:28Theo Von?

  Bro, you're-

• 44:29Speaker 02

  You think, no, you think-

• 44:30Theo Von?

  You're giving angry sharecropper energy right now.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I am one.

• 44:33Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 44:33Speaker 02

  Okay, I have, I have farm, I'm a farmer.

• 44:36Theo Von?

  Okay, I'll go do it, hold on.

• 44:37Speaker 02

  You seem to think that the whole country, I, I mean, you know, continent of Asia.

• 44:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:43Speaker 02

  Right? Is one block. That we have the same traditions.

• 44:48Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:48Speaker 02

  Language, um, writings, culture, etc. They're all-

• 44:55Theo Von?

  I'm listening.

• 44:56Speaker 02

  Completely different, right?

• 44:58Theo Von?

  I believe you.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  So it's like saying, oh yeah, and Americans like somebody from the Congo.

• 45:03Theo Von?

  That's not true.

• 45:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:04Theo Von?

  It's not. What if you said like, okay, somebody from Mississippi is like somebody that's from North Carolina? They're similar.

• 45:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:12Theo Von?

  They look similar, but they're different. One of them probably watches Outer Banks and one of them probably listens to the soundtrack at the gym of Mississippi Burning or whatever.

• 45:21Speaker 02

  But the continent of North America, how many countries are in there?

• 45:24Theo Von?

  On the continent of North America? Fifty-one.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  No.

• 45:28Theo Von?

  Isn't there?

• 45:28Speaker 02

  Three.

• 45:29Theo Von?

  Dude, you're fucking setting me up, dude.

• 45:31Speaker 02

  No, I'm not setting you up, dude.

• 45:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, you are. You're a spy, dude. You're Mossad.

• 45:34Speaker 02

  I'm not Mossad, dude. I'm the opposite.

• 45:36Theo Von?

  You are?

• 45:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm in rubble.

• 45:38Theo Von?

  You what?

• 45:39Speaker 02

  I'm in rubble.

• 45:40Theo Von?

  You're in rubble?

• 45:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:41Theo Von?

  Okay, good.

• 45:41Speaker 02

  You understand what I'm saying?

• 45:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, I got you.

• 45:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I'm saying to you is there's three countries on our continent, which are what?

• 45:51Theo Von?

  North America, South America, Mexico.

• 45:52Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 45:54Theo Von?

  What is it?

• 45:55Speaker 02

  See, that's why, you know what I mean? Charlie shouldn't have said shit, dog.

• 45:59Theo Von?

  But dude.

• 45:59Speaker 02

  He doesn't understand geopolitically things.

• 46:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:03Theo Von?

  He doesn't under-

• 46:04Speaker 02

  There's Canada, America, and also Mexico.

• 46:09Theo Von?

  Yeah?

• 46:09Speaker 02

  Yeah. Now, Central America, no, that's a, what is Central America?

• 46:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  That's on a part of, okay, this is when the wizard runs out of his magic, right?

• 46:19Speaker 02

  Give me the, how many countries, I mean, how many countries are in North America?

• 46:23Speaker 03

  This is including Central America.

• 46:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, but is Central America North America? I don't think so.

• 46:30Speaker 02

  Just, just put in North America. How many countries are in North America?

• 46:34Theo Von?

  Bro.

• 46:35Speaker 02

  No, just let me finish.

• 46:37Theo Von?

  It's never gonna end, dude.

• 46:40Theo Von?

  How many countries are in North America? Eleven.

• 46:41Speaker 03

  That's Central America and stuff. It's including, but yeah, in just-

• 46:44Theo Von?

  Ooh, Haiti.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, in, in North America, there's three countries.

• 46:48Theo Von?

  Okay. Ooh, Granada.

• 46:49Speaker 02

  So it's, it's like-

• 46:50Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:51Theo Von?

  But here's my defense in, in, in defense of Charlie is.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  Defense of who?

• 46:55Theo Von?

  Charlie.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 46:57Theo Von?

  He would, bro, they don't, what I'm saying is, in, in some, in some smaller communities, they will open up a place that has a cuisine from an area even, a realm, right?

• 47:07Speaker 02

  Realm, what do you mean, like Lord of the Ri- like Lord of the Rings shit?

• 47:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, they'll open up with some fucking Mongolian.

• 47:13Speaker 02

  Oh, Mongolian restaurants, those are my favorite.

• 47:16Theo Von?

  Or you know what I'm saying, they'll open up a mon- uh, Mandarin?

• 47:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, or a Mongolian stir fry place.

• 47:21Theo Von?

  Chinese adjacent, they'll, or like.

• 47:23Speaker 02

  Chinese adjacent, yeah.

• 47:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 47:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:25Theo Von?

  So they'll open that up, Bobby, and then people, the people that work there, first of all.

• 47:30Speaker 02

  There's no way, anybody, there's no way to win this argument, it's fucking crazy, let me take this hat off. There's no, I, I'm gonna hear you out.

• 47:37Theo Von?

  What's the problem with the hat?

• 47:38Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, I don't like it, I, I want to just be myself, I'm, yeah, yeah, yeah. So what, there's no way to win this argument, I'm so interested to see how you're gonna do it, go ahead.

• 47:45Theo Von?

  This is my final rebuttal.

• 47:46Speaker 02

  All right, go ahead.

• 47:46Theo Von?

  And this is like the end of that movie, have you seen, um, A Time to Kill?

• 47:50Speaker 02

  No, give me another movie.

• 47:51Theo Von?

  All right, uh, oh, Lincoln Lawyer, but I think, I don't.

• 47:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, give me another movie.

• 47:57Theo Von?

  All right, um.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  Bridge over the River Kwai.

• 48:02Theo Von?

  Yes, I have. Okay, so this is different than that.

• 48:06Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 48:07Theo Von?

  Here's what I'm gonna tell you.

• 48:07Speaker 02

  Well, then it's Santino.

• 48:08Theo Von?

  It is?

• 48:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, hold on.

• 48:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, what's up? I, you're on, you're, I'm, I'm doing Theo's, so.

• 48:15Speaker 05

  Project Hail Mary is one of the best movies I've seen in years.

• 48:18Speaker 02

  I know, it was an amazing movie, right?

• 48:19Theo Von?

  What's it called, Bus Boys?

• 48:21Speaker 05

  I cried, I cried like four times.

• 48:23Speaker 02

  I, I told you dude, that's one of the best movies I've seen in years.

• 48:26Theo Von?

  What's it called?

• 48:27Speaker 05

  And then right after, I went and I watched Bus Boys, which is now in limited theaters all around the country.

• 48:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, and how do you feel about Bus Boys?

• 48:34Speaker 05

  Bus Boys, Bus Boys is up there with some of the greatest, um, fantasy sci-fi dramas I've ever seen.

• 48:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I agree, I agree.

• 48:44Speaker 05

  Loved it, I loved every second of it, hi Theo.

• 48:46Theo Von?

  Hey brother, what's up man, we miss you.

• 48:48Speaker 05

  We miss you, love you guys very much, sorry to interrupt, I'll call you later.

• 48:51Speaker 02

  But, we'll, we'll talk about the movie later.

• 48:53Theo Von?

  But what was that movie called, what was that movie called, no joke?

• 48:55Speaker 02

  I'm gonna tell you after we hang up.

• 48:56Theo Von?

  Okay, great.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 48:58Theo Von?

  Okay, let me get this-

• 48:58Speaker 02

  Project Ma- Harold Mary.

• 48:59Theo Von?

  Project Ma- Harold Mary? It's great, huh?

• 49:01Speaker 02

  It's so good.

• 49:02Theo Von?

  I wanna go see it. Is it in theaters or is it on VOD?

• 49:03Speaker 02

  It's in- I- I would re- recommend you watch it in theaters, but you're not gonna watch it.

• 49:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, well.

• 49:08Speaker 02

  Would Charlie watch it?

• 49:09Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 49:09Speaker 02

  Would Charlie watch it if he was alive?

• 49:11Theo Von?

  No, he didn't.

• 49:12Speaker 02

  Well, then, that's- you're part of the same...

• 49:14Theo Von?

  He liked to be in the shed and he liked to curse a lot.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, oh, like the Unabomber.

• 49:18Theo Von?

  I don't know about that, bro. No.

• 49:20Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:20Theo Von?

  But he took care of my mother. He had a small dog. But here's what I wanna tell you, though-

• 49:24Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, finish the argument.

• 49:25Theo Von?

  Okay. A lot of times in small communities, Bobby, people... If anybody seems semi-Asian, if anybody seems-

• 49:31Speaker 02

  What's a semi-Asian?

• 49:32Theo Von?

  A guy who's Asian, but also, you don't know if he's Asian, man. If somebody just has dark hair and-

• 49:37Speaker 02

  It could be a white guy, but he had funny eyes.

• 49:40Theo Von?

  Even if it's a trans chick who can't see that good, right? Like, people will fucking- it all works in that sort of place.

• 49:48Speaker 02

  It doesn't work! Because it's wrong!

• 49:50Theo Von?

  It doesn't work for us, bro, but in that kinda place, you just... You just take what, like, you, like-

• 49:55Speaker 02

  You take what you can get.

• 49:56Theo Von?

  Right.

• 49:56Speaker 02

  Right.

• 49:57Theo Von?

  And so they'll have people- sometimes you'll get a Mexican guy that's been in a fire even, and they'll be like, "Oh, this guy's Taiwanese or something." He's not.

• 50:02Speaker 02

  Right.

• 50:03Theo Von?

  But people don't know, dude. They just... So, I'm just saying, like, sometimes that kinda shit happens, and people try to make bridges where they can.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  Okay, if there was a guy that was slightly blue, would you think that that was from the movie Avatar?

• 50:15Theo Von?

  I'm sure Charlie would've went up to him. You know, and offered him a fucking- Dude, speaking of-

• 50:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:21Theo Von?

  But let's move on.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  No, no, I- I- I- no, I don't wanna move on. I- I think I see your point of view, right?

• 50:27Theo Von?

  I'm not saying it's right or anything, I'm just saying-

• 50:28Speaker 02

  What I'm saying, though, is that this is small to- town, um, you know what I mean? Uh, worldview.

• 50:36Theo Von?

  But also, big-

• 50:37Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no. It's not New York shit.

• 50:39Theo Von?

  Bring up that Asian fella we had on here. That young boy or whatever.

• 50:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, I remember. I saw some clips.

• 50:45Theo Von?

  Um... Yeah. Asian Ray, young boy Asian.

• 50:50Speaker 04

  Bobby Keensky to your left.

• 50:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, and he- listen to this- listen to what he said one day that brought me into some crazy-

• 50:55Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 50:56Theo Von?

  Racism that was happening.

• 50:57Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 50:58Theo Von?

  I don't think we'll find it there. It might stop us, but maybe it won't, maybe it will. I don't think it's on here. The full one might be on YouTube Shorts or something. Can you just find it? Um, dude, oh, did you see those- look, listen how messed up this is, dude. Did you see-

• 51:10Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 51:11Theo Von?

  Those moving slot machines that are going on?

• 51:13Speaker 02

  Tell me, I would like to see. They move?

• 51:14Theo Von?

  Watch this.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  They move now.

• 51:15Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. They're gonna be coming after y'all.

• 51:18Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 51:23Theo Von?

  Look at this Bobby.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  Whoa.

• 51:26Theo Von?

  So say you're.

• 51:28Speaker 02

  I know.

• 51:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 51:30Speaker 02

  You're taking a shit.

• 51:32Speaker 02

  No?

• 51:32Theo Von?

  No, and it comes looking for you or whatever. No, that's crazy. But say, your wife's like, alright, you can't gamble anymore tonight, and you have to go to bed or whatever.

• 51:39Speaker 02

  Right.

• 51:39Theo Von?

  And that thing comes knocking on your door later with like a

• 51:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:42Theo Von?

  A little bottle of wine or something.

• 51:43Speaker 02

  Oh, that'd be crazy.

• 51:44Theo Von?

  You know?

• 51:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:45Theo Von?

  Or even just for like.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  You put a hundred bucks in it though, no?

• 51:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, but that thing could pin a fucking, dude, that thing could pin a an older Taiwanese man against a wall and make him spend every buck he's got.

• 51:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see what you're saying.

• 51:59Theo Von?

  I'm just saying, that shit's messed up.

• 52:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that this is too far. Is that what you're saying?

• 52:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 52:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Moving anything, like, you know, like, but ATM machine too then. If they do this, they do ATM?

• 52:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 52:11Speaker 02

  What else machines can they do?

• 52:12Theo Von?

  Um.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  Oh, you know the crane game?

• 52:15Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. That one I would like though.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never gotten one, have you?

• 52:19Theo Von?

  Really? You haven't?

• 52:19Speaker 02

  I could, I can never grab it, dude.

• 52:22Theo Von?

  Huh.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, sometimes I'll, I'll, I'll have it hooked onto like, you know, the, like on a plush toy. There's like the little, um, whoever made it, like made in China, there's like a little bit of a white. I try to get the crane, you know what I mean?

• 52:35Theo Von?

  Or go through the part of the ticket, the, or the little la- the label?

• 52:39Speaker 02

  The little label, and I try to pull it up that way, but it somehow slips, dude.

• 52:43Theo Von?

  Oh dang, that's a good strategy though.

• 52:45Speaker 02

  But, um, yeah.

• 52:46Theo Von?

  What is, what kind of age?

• 52:49Speaker 02

  What kind of what?

• 52:50Theo Von?

  What kind of age is he?

• 52:51Speaker 02

  This age?

• 52:52Theo Von?

  No, age, Asian.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  Uh, he's Thai.

• 52:55Theo Von?

  Oh, I like it.

• 52:57Speaker 02

  He's Thai.

• 52:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah. Tell me about him. What'd he say?

• 52:59Speaker 02

  He's one. He's Mexican, or he's Taiwan, sorry.

• 53:02Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:03Speaker 02

  He's Taiwan.

• 53:04Theo Von?

  Am I center?

• 53:05Speaker 02

  No, I'm just saying, look at the kind of shit that these kids are coming over here and saying, Bobby.

• 53:08Theo Von?

  Okay, I wanna hear it.

• 53:09Speaker 06

  I will let you call me a qingchong.

• 53:13Speaker 06

  I'll give it a pass.

• 53:14Theo Von?

  Really?

• 53:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, just call it one time. It's okay. I know you wanna do it.

• 53:19Theo Von?

  I don't wanna do it, I don't think.

• 53:20Speaker 06

  It's okay, like, I'm cool, like, you feel me? I'm gonna give it a pass, you can say, qingchong.

• 53:24Theo Von?

  I would not say, I would probably, I would think of something better.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  No, I like it, I wanna hear it.

• 53:27Theo Von?

  I don't like qingchong that much. Much.

• 53:30Speaker 06

  Why?

• 53:31Theo Von?

  I would maybe call you like a slot machine boy or something like that. Something that Asian people like to do. Look at this little kinda.

• 53:39Speaker 06

  Slut machine?

• 53:40Theo Von?

  Look at this little slot machine, yeah.

• 53:42Speaker 06

  What you mean by like, like we slut like?

• 53:44Theo Von?

  Ding ding.

• 53:45Speaker 06

  Yes, yeah.

• 53:46Theo Von?

  That's a, that's a slot machine. That's not, I'm not saying that.

• 53:49Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 53:49Theo Von?

  No, I think that slot. Winner. It's like, it'd be like a slot machine just adding like if, when you hit the bonus on a slot machine and the money goes up.

• 53:56Speaker 06

  Ding dong, ding chong chong. Dong bong, dong gang, dong gang, dong ding dong ding.

• 54:01Theo Von?

  Crazy.

• 54:01Speaker 02

  Let me tell you something, that's unfair.

• 54:04Theo Von?

  You know, you know that guy?

• 54:06Speaker 02

  We know, we all know each other.

• 54:09Speaker 02

  I, I, I can call Un right now, dog.

• 54:11Theo Von?

  Kim Jong Un?

• 54:12Speaker 02

  That's right, dog.

• 54:12Theo Von?

  You know he was supposed to play your role in the movie?

• 54:14Speaker 02

  Who?

• 54:15Theo Von?

  KJ U. Might have been joking.

• 54:19Speaker 02

  You're gonna give him one line in a movie?

• 54:20Theo Von?

  We offered him, it's four lines.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  You're gonna put him.

• 54:25Theo Von?

  It was only.

• 54:25Speaker 02

  I was, wait, wait, wait, I was second choice, dog?

• 54:28Theo Von?

  No.

• 54:29Speaker 02

  I was, wait, wait, I was second choice for four lines in your movie?

• 54:35Theo Von?

  Hold on.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  That's crazy, dude.

• 54:36Theo Von?

  I don't know if it's, I don't know if it's true or not.

• 54:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:40Theo Von?

  I believe you.

• 54:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, you were a producer and you wrote the thing.

• 54:43Theo Von?

  Dude, we barely got through it. We made it during the fires, Bobby.

• 54:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, I understand that. Listen about this Asian guy, okay? Number one.

• 54:52Theo Von?

  I don't wanna give him any more airtime. This guy's kinda fucking.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  You brought it up!

• 54:56Theo Von?

  Alright.

• 54:57Speaker 02

  You made me watch the whole video and then like, watch it, I watch, I can't say anything?

• 55:01Theo Von?

  Alright then, go on.

• 55:03Speaker 02

  Right. He's not, he's from Ching Chong.

• 55:05Theo Von?

  Go on, Bobby.

• 55:06Speaker 02

  Alright. He's from the land of them. He ain't no American. I'm American.

• 55:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, I know you are.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, so it's like, Ching Chong hits different with me than that Ching Chong.

• 55:19Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 55:21Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know what I mean? So it's like, you know.

• 55:23Theo Von?

  That little fucking.

• 55:24Speaker 02

  Also, let me say something.

• 55:25Theo Von?

  That little octopus knuckle, he ain't shit, dude.

• 55:28Speaker 02

  He ain't shit, dude. This little octopus knuckle, dude. You know what I mean? And let me say something. Slots, I know why you said that, man. Cause a slot is a slit.

• 55:35Theo Von?

  Nah.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's why you said it. A slot is a slit and a slit is a slot, dude. Bro, I'm doing parables, dude.

• 55:44Theo Von?

  Parables?

• 55:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, let me say something about.

• 55:45Theo Von?

  Alright, tell me something.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  I mean, let me say something, okay? Right? I give you permission.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  Maybe not on camera, but off camera to say whatever you want to call me. Cause I'm not going to take it personally.

• 55:59Theo Von?

  I don't do that.

• 56:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, you do.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  You have. And I've said, I've called you certain things.

• 56:06Theo Von?

  Oh, really?

• 56:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. Just to you, off camera.

• 56:12Theo Von?

  To me? Was I there? Yeah. Is that what you're saying? I was there? Yes. Oh, off camera you have. Yeah.

• 56:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:19Theo Von?

  Not behind my back though.

• 56:20Speaker 02

  No, not behind, no, behind your.

• 56:24Speaker 02

  You know what?

• 56:25Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  Well, I don't want to.

• 56:28Theo Von?

  The defense rests. We're going to break for lunch.

• 56:33Speaker 00

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• 57:03Theo Von?

  You know, in the past, I was hesitant to invest my money. And who wouldn't be because, you know, I mean, I used to throw my money in a wishing well when I was a child and just, and I wished for more money. But I didn't realize I was working backwards. So many of us only focus on where our money is today. But Acorns is the financial wellness app that cares about where your money is going tomorrow. That's what they do. Acorns is a smart way to give your money a chance to grow. You can sign up in minutes and start automatically investing your spare money, even if all you've got is spare change. That's one thing I like about it.

• 57:43Theo Von?

  That's why I got my niece and nephew signed up with it just to, it puts their change away and lets them show what savings looks like. Sign up now and join over 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $27 billion with Acorns.

• 58:01Theo Von?

  Acorns will boost your new account with a $20 bonus investment. Offer available at acorns.com/ Theo. That's A-C-O-R-N-S.com/ Theo. To get your $20 bonus investment today. Terms and conditions apply. See acorns.com/terms for details. Paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns Tier 2 Compensation provided. Potential subject to various factors such as customer's account, age, and investment settings. Design included Acorns fees. Results do not predict or represent the performance of any Acorns portfolio. Investment results will vary. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC, an SEC registered investment advisor. view important disclosures at acorns.com/ Theo. There's times in the past where I went to the doctor and I didn't feel like I got anything useful out of the visit. That's true. I'd go in there and one, one time the guy tickled me and wrote some, he wrote some profanity

• 58:45Theo Von?

  on, on a little sketch pad or something. That's why I'm excited about this company called Superpower. Superpower sends a licensed professional to your home or you can visit a nearby lab. It's one simple blood draw with over 100 biomarkers, which is way more than what you usually get. And it unlocks a real understanding of your body. Their app includes detailed information on your heart, liver, thyroid, hormones, even environmental toxins. Yep, Superpower. Make this the year you stop guessing about your health with Superpower. For a limited time, our listeners get $20 off to unlock their new health intelligence.

• 59:28Theo Von?

  Head on over to superpower.com and use code Theo for $20 off your membership. That's code Theo. And after you sign up, they'll ask you how you heard about them. Tell them we sent you. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Life's a journey, hell, and look, we're barely living. You know that. People are poisoned by food. There's glyphosate and, you know, you're watching television, getting glyphosate thrown into your face through the, you know, 4K or whatever, 5G wireless, you know, the animals aren't breathing. You know what's going on. What I'm saying is some days feel good and others feel overwhelming. BetterHelp is reminding us that May is Mental Health Awareness Month and it's a good

• 1:00:11Theo Von?

  Time to check in with yourself and understand where you're at. That's where BetterHelp comes in. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US, America. And they do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. And I do want to say, if you go see a therapist and you don't feel like, if you, if you don't feel like it's a good match, get another one. I sat in with therapists that I didn't think it was a good match. I sat in for far too long because I was afraid to speak up for myself. You don't have to be on your journey alone. That's the truth. Find support and have someone with you in therapy. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/ Theo. That's better H E L P dot com slash Theo.

• 1:00:58Theo Von?

  The judge is going to return to his chambers. We'll be back after lunch.

• 1:01:04Theo Von?

  Remember that show?

• 1:01:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've said some stuff behind your back.

• 1:01:10Theo Von?

  Ooh, Bobby get that hitter, huh?

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  What's up, dude?

• 1:01:13Theo Von?

  What flavor is it?

• 1:01:14Speaker 02

  That's fucking tobacco, dude.

• 1:01:16Theo Von?

  Yours is just tobacco flavoring. Wow.

• 1:01:18Speaker 02

  I quit smoking over a month ago, so sometimes I'll take a hit.

• 1:01:22Theo Von?

  That's insane, bro. Yeah, that's how I quit. The same way I'm fucking not quit.

• 1:01:27Speaker 02

  What do you mean, dude?

• 1:01:28Theo Von?

  That's not quitting.

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  Dude, if you, if you're smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, 20 cigarettes.

• 1:01:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, 20 cigarettes and I let me want. Have you heard that song?

• 1:01:40Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:01:41Theo Von?

  Morgan Wallen?

• 1:01:41Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:01:42Theo Von?

  Dude, I went to his concert.

• 1:01:42Speaker 02

  I don't know the modern shit.

• 1:01:44Theo Von?

  I went to his concert the other night.

• 1:01:45Speaker 02

  Dude, I saw, I saw fucking Karen Carpenter at the Coachella. I didn't know one song.

• 1:01:50Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She came out, she came out and I had not one song, no.

• 1:01:57Speaker 04

  Sabrina Carpenter?

• 1:01:57Speaker 02

  Sabrina Carpenter.

• 1:01:58Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:01:59Speaker 02

  Karen Carpenter died.

• 1:02:00Theo Von?

  Her and my, her and my dad, uh.

• 1:02:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:02Theo Von?

  Dude, no, Morgan Wallen, dude, you, bro, you gotta go see him.

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  No, no, I'm not gonna see.

• 1:02:05Theo Von?

  Bro.

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:07Theo Von?

  You gotta do his walkout with him, bro. Have you ever seen he does the walkouts where people walk out with him? Nick Saban fricking walked out with him, Bobby?

• 1:02:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't even know who Nick Saban is, dude.

• 1:02:14Theo Von?

  I only know people. It's not Nick saving, dude. Like, he's a guy who fricking makes coupons.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  He might be saving something.

• 1:02:19Theo Von?

  It's Nick Saban.

• 1:02:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, listen to me, guy.

• 1:02:23Theo Von?

  Bro, he loves you, dude.

• 1:02:24Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, and I love him back, dude. But what I want to say to you is this.

• 1:02:27Theo Von?

  Last night, we let the liquor talk. Bro.

• 1:02:33Speaker 02

  Last night, we left the liquor talk.

• 1:02:36Theo Von?

  That's good stuff, dude.

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  Bro, listen to me, dude. I don't.

• 1:02:38Theo Von?

  I've been listening.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  It's a re- it's a regional thing, dude. You're out there in Nashville.

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? All your shit, right? We don't do shit like that, dude.

• 1:02:53Theo Von?

  You're right, you're right.

• 1:02:54Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Smooth. That's your shit, dude. You know what I mean? We do different shit out here in LA, dog.

• 1:03:00Theo Von?

  What?

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, rap, punk bands, you know what I mean? Y'all are.

• 1:03:04Theo Von?

  You're right.

• 1:03:06Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 1:03:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:08Speaker 02

  Last night, my bus fell down a river. Like, music I don't even relate to. Last night, my dog came said hello. Yeah, those are like, that's your music. You know what I mean? My corn's growing like sombreros.

• 1:03:25Theo Von?

  Like Nevada.

• 1:03:26Speaker 02

  Nevada, I'm sorry.

• 1:03:28Theo Von?

  Let's try the country song real quick.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:03:30Theo Von?

  All right.

• 1:03:30Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:03:31Theo Von?

  I woke up and I couldn't see this morning.

• 1:03:39Theo Von?

  Then I realized it was night.

• 1:03:44Theo Von?

  So I had to re-download my iPhone software. I put my white hat through the door.

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, amen, bro.

• 1:03:57Theo Von?

  I like the ending, it's like a CBD.

• 1:04:00Speaker 02

  It's a CBD.

• 1:04:01Theo Von?

  CBD.

• 1:04:03Speaker 02

  Why'd you say CBD?

• 1:04:03Theo Von?

  To be decided, it's like a to be continued. Oh, TBC you said.

• 1:04:07Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:04:07Theo Von?

  Dude, oh, did you see that Giddy volleyball?

• 1:04:09Speaker 02

  No, no, hold on a second.

• 1:04:11Theo Von?

  We keep, bro, we're not, we don't even know what we're saying, bro.

• 1:04:13Speaker 02

  I know, that's the thing, that's the thing. When you and I are together, right?

• 1:04:18Theo Von?

  Just say it, man.

• 1:04:19Speaker 02

  There's anxiety and we want to get to the next thing, right? Because we think that silence is bad.

• 1:04:26Theo Von?

  That's a good point, huh? I do feel like that. Have you always felt like that?

• 1:04:28Speaker 02

  No, but what I realize, it doesn't matter whether you and I. It's gonna be good.

• 1:04:34Theo Von?

  Well, let's see your-

• 1:04:35Speaker 02

  It's gonna be good, and there's no need for anxiety. And there's no need to like, what's clipable? And, you know, because when you and I are together, sometimes it gets clipable and it becomes sometimes viral. And when I was coming here today, there's a reason why I haven't done your shit in a long time, is because I don't like the pressure of doing it with you specifically. Because if we don't create magic, right? Then it was just a waste.

• 1:05:01Theo Von?

  I brought that up to Nick today before you came.

• 1:05:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:03Theo Von?

  And I prayed about it before this.

• 1:05:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, but what I believe is, is that, um, then when I was driving, I was like, I don't care, whatever it is, it is.

• 1:05:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:12Speaker 02

  And I'm okay with that. You know what I mean? Because, um, we're both doing well in life. And, um, I think, I believe that you're a very good person, I'm a good person, and, um, just not rush through it, man. I'm here as long as you need me. You know what I mean? But I think we have something, I mean, where's Bear Dick at?

• 1:05:33Theo Von?

  He's over there.

• 1:05:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, Bear Dick.

• 1:05:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:35Speaker 02

  Do we get stuff already?

• 1:05:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think you gave the Clippers some fuel, yeah.

• 1:05:39Speaker 02

  We got some stuff, right?

• 1:05:41Speaker 04

  You got more than enough.

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  We got more than enough, so what I'm saying is, is that, um-

• 1:05:44Speaker 04

  Can you slide to your right a little bit? You're in Theo's shot. I know, I know.

• 1:05:47Speaker 02

  Honestly dude, what you're doing right now, dude, is you said to go to the left, now gotta go to the right?

• 1:05:51Speaker 04

  I, you, we haven't had this problem yet, you're, you just, you know, you're full of energy.

• 1:05:55Theo Von?

  Does he look on center to, or-

• 1:05:57Speaker 04

  He's just creeping into your shot, so move your mic over.

• 1:05:59Theo Von?

  Okay, got it, got it, got it.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  Am I okay here?

• 1:06:01Speaker 04

  Move your mic and you're good.

• 1:06:02Theo Von?

  Bobby, look at this right here, this is you in the movie.

• 1:06:06Theo Von?

  This is you in the-

• 1:06:06Speaker 02

  Here's your anxiety.

• 1:06:07Theo Von?

  Oh, there you go.

• 1:06:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:09Theo Von?

  That's the guy you beat out for your-

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  Okay, that, first of all-

• 1:06:16Theo Von?

  That's the guy you beat out-

• 1:06:17Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, that's Kim Jong-un as me in the movie, dude.

• 1:06:21Speaker 04

  No, he came in for a read.

• 1:06:22Theo Von?

  That's the guy you beat out for your role, you freak.

• 1:06:24Speaker 02

  Oh, so he came from North Korea?

• 1:06:27Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:06:28Speaker 02

  And, and read? Went on set and read for you and he didn't get it?

• 1:06:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, and then you were like, what other, you know what I mean? Changchang's do we know?

• 1:06:37Theo Von?

  No, no.

• 1:06:37Speaker 02

  And then you called me? How many people did you call before you called me? Did you call Ken Jeong? Did you call Jimmy Oh Yang?

• 1:06:44Theo Von?

  I did send a text to Kim Jong, he didn't text me back.

• 1:06:46Speaker 02

  Ken Jeong.

• 1:06:47Theo Von?

  Kim Jong.

• 1:06:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:49Theo Von?

  And I did also, we did reach out to Ken Young, or Ken Jong Un. What is his name?

• 1:06:55Speaker 02

  Kim Jong Un.

• 1:06:56Theo Von?

  Kim Jong Un.

• 1:06:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:57Theo Von?

  No, that's Kim Jong.

• 1:06:58Speaker 02

  That's Kim Jong. So he said no.

• 1:07:00Theo Von?

  He said no. But he did, you know what he did say though? They wrote a letter back, like his, like, affairs person, whoever.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:06Theo Von?

  And they said, uh, that they loved David Spade and Dicky Roberts. I thought that was just hilarious that they put that in there. That was pretty cool.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  Who else did you offer before you offered it to me?

• 1:07:14Theo Von?

  We offered it, you were, you were, you were second.

• 1:07:17Speaker 02

  Oh, so Kim, it went, Kim Jong Un, the dictator from North Korea.

• 1:07:21Theo Von?

  Yep.

• 1:07:21Speaker 02

  And then I was second.

• 1:07:22Theo Von?

  A hundred percent, I promise you.

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  One hundred percent.

• 1:07:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:24Speaker 02

  Thank you so much.

• 1:07:25Theo Von?

  You bet.

• 1:07:26Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Because I think-

• 1:07:26Theo Von?

  You got it.

• 1:07:27Speaker 02

  If you got dictator, like Viktor Orban.

• 1:07:30Theo Von?

  And then we got Dick Taster.

• 1:07:34Theo Von?

  So I think we did good.

• 1:07:36Speaker 02

  Dude, it's not fair what you just said.

• 1:07:37Theo Von?

  Bro, you didn't have a lot.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I just took, yeah, I licked the tip.

• 1:07:40Theo Von?

  I only had a little.

• 1:07:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:42Theo Von?

  I only had one piece. Yeah, I only had one mukase.

• 1:07:45Speaker 02

  I omukase did. Okay, dude. That's all I did, right? And, and you know this about me, dude.

• 1:07:50Theo Von?

  I do.

• 1:07:51Speaker 02

  I, I, I might be five percent by.

• 1:07:53Theo Von?

  Hey, that, and that's not a lot.

• 1:07:55Speaker 02

  That's not a lot, dude.

• 1:07:56Theo Von?

  Bro, these days?

• 1:07:57Speaker 02

  These days, dude, they go all the way to one hundred percent, dude.

• 1:07:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? And it's like, I, I didn't get that.

• 1:08:02Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  I would be okay if I had a hundred percent, but I'm, I'm only five percent.

• 1:08:07Theo Von?

  Dude, if I was gay, I would just, I think still-

• 1:08:09Speaker 02

  I think you're, I, I think you're three percent.

• 1:08:10Theo Von?

  Three percent?

• 1:08:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I think in the right circumstances, you would kiss the tip.

• 1:08:15Theo Von?

  I would-

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  Henry Cavill.

• 1:08:16Theo Von?

  Who's Henry Cavill?

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  Superman. The one before.

• 1:08:19Theo Von?

  No, I'm not having some guy who's working all the time, out meeting people at night and shit like that.

• 1:08:24Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:08:25Theo Von?

  Here's what I, I will say this. If I, if I didn't get married to a woman at some point, and there was like a cool dude who was not trying to like do any sex or touch my ass or anything, but wanted to chill, separate rooms, maybe he is a chef or something.

• 1:08:43Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:08:44Theo Von?

  Maybe. If I also don't have to talk to him every day.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  Okay. So it's 1%?

• 1:08:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay, you're 1%.

• 1:08:51Theo Von?

  1%.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:52Theo Von?

  Or even dude, I dated a chick with hard tits and that frickin' kinda, that was a lot.

• 1:08:56Speaker 02

  Dude, I dated a hot chick.

• 1:08:58Theo Von?

  Yeah?

• 1:08:58Speaker 02

  With Sarah Connor ass.

• 1:09:00Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  You know Sarah Connor from Terminator?

• 1:09:02Theo Von?

  Nuh-uh.

• 1:09:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, like she was buff.

• 1:09:05Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:09:05Speaker 02

  Right? So her ass felt Schwarzenegger-like.

• 1:09:09Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:09:09Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Well, I like it when it's like, there's like some fat, you know what I mean?

• 1:09:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  And she was beautiful, but her ass was Sarah Connor and I couldn't do it.

• 1:09:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, like, cause I'm not the Terminator.

• 1:09:21Speaker 02

  Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I don't have those robotics.

• 1:09:24Theo Von?

  Some ass too, of women, they go to the gym so much and their ass has a little bit of hair on it. That's the craziest thing.

• 1:09:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, like how much hair?

• 1:09:31Theo Von?

  Not a lot, but just enough where you feel they shaved a couple times, you know?

• 1:09:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:35Theo Von?

  And that's not crazy, I don't care.

• 1:09:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:37Theo Von?

  But it is a surprise.

• 1:09:38Speaker 02

  It's a surprise. Sometimes when you go in the cave and you see some foliage.

• 1:09:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? That I don't like.

• 1:09:44Theo Von?

  Oh, really?

• 1:09:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I like my caves clean.

• 1:09:46Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you have, we have now the technology to do it. I don't want foliage, cause I'm not like a cave dweller.

• 1:09:53Theo Von?

  Dude, would you go back in the 1400s, you think and eat a little bit of ass, or what?

• 1:09:57Speaker 02

  In the 1400s? I would pass on that, dog.

• 1:10:00Theo Von?

  Alright.

• 1:10:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, man, you'd get the measles.

• 1:10:02Theo Von?

  Ooh, you will, huh?

• 1:10:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll get some sort of like, you know what I mean, thing that would kill somebody back then. Yeah, yeah, I'd have like one of those Asian, you know what I mean?

• 1:10:09Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  I get what I mean?

• 1:10:11Theo Von?

  You get that.

• 1:10:11Speaker 02

  Covid masks.

• 1:10:12Theo Von?

  You get that holyo polio.

• 1:10:16Speaker 02

  Would you eat 1400 ass?

• 1:10:17Theo Von?

  Polio polio? Um, no, dude, I'm not doing that shit. Dude, I will tell you this, bro, no. Hell no, I wouldn't even answer that question.

• 1:10:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:25Theo Von?

  That's crazy, dude.

• 1:10:27Speaker 02

  You asked me!

• 1:10:28Theo Von?

  I know.

• 1:10:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, I wondered, but here's the thing, let's just, before you move on, cause you're feeling anxiety, I know you're doing your anxiety.

• 1:10:34Theo Von?

  I'm getting anxiety, let me chill out.

• 1:10:34Speaker 02

  Alright, chill out for a second, okay? You know what I mean, because I'm a, I'm a podcaster as well.

• 1:10:40Theo Von?

  I know, dude, you're a professional, you guys one of the, have one of the top 10 podcasts in the world.

• 1:10:43Speaker 02

  So are you. So, um.

• 1:10:44Theo Von?

  That's crazy to think that, though.

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  I don't think about it.

• 1:10:48Theo Von?

  But it's still crazy to think.

• 1:10:49Speaker 02

  I don't.

• 1:10:50Theo Von?

  Or it's crazy just that it, that it's.

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  People tell me, I go, oh, I, I, I guess.

• 1:10:53Theo Von?

  What is, is your podcast big in, um, like in other parts of the world?

• 1:10:57Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:10:58Theo Von?

  As it is here?

• 1:10:58Speaker 02

  I don't know the stats. I don't know the stats, and it's like, you know, it's, it's like that old term, you know what I mean? I don't live in the results.

• 1:11:06Theo Von?

  Uh, coke, uh, cooked pot doesn't boil, or whatever, what is that term? What is it?

• 1:11:10Speaker 04

  A watch pot doesn't boil.

• 1:11:12Theo Von?

  Watch pot doesn't boil.

• 1:11:14Speaker 02

  A cook pot does boil though. A cook pot does boil, yeah.

• 1:11:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, how about this, when you use terminology sometimes?

• 1:11:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:24Speaker 02

  Think about it first.

• 1:11:27Speaker 02

  I think that's one of your problems. You mean, when it pops into your head, I don't think there is that thing that goes, let's think about it.

• 1:11:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:33Speaker 02

  You just say, well, that term, cook pot, you know, I mean boils, you know what I mean? And it's like, it's not the right thing, so it's, I think that's a part of your anxiety.

• 1:11:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:11:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:11:44Theo Von?

  It's hard for me to leave that space in a place, I'll just like, if something's like, somebody, if two people are sitting there and nobody's talking, it gets really uncomfortable.

• 1:11:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:51Theo Von?

  You're that way too, Bobby.

• 1:11:52Speaker 02

  No, I've changed for me.

• 1:11:54Theo Von?

  Are you serious?

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, dude, I'm so serious.

• 1:11:57Theo Von?

  What'd you really do to change that? Cause that's a big thing, a lot of people deal with it.

• 1:12:00Speaker 02

  Because I don't really care really anymore.

• 1:12:04Speaker 02

  I, I have empathy and I care about the world and that's not what I mean. I don't care, like, whatever direction my life takes, I'm just gonna go with the flow. And it's not my responsibility, or I'm not a psychic. I don't know what's gonna end up happening to me.

• 1:12:19Theo Von?

  But what question you answering right now, what I'm asking you is, uh...

• 1:12:22Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 1:12:22Theo Von?

  If, like, say you and I are talking, or say you're talking to anybody, right? And it becomes a moment of silence, this happens to me a lot in relationships. If there's a moment of silence, it's hard for me to just sit there and let there be silence.

• 1:12:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, but that's...

• 1:12:34Theo Von?

  But you said that you've changed with that, so what I'm asking is, how have you changed? What have you done that's changed? Because that's kind of a...

• 1:12:38Speaker 02

  I think therapy's helped, I think Lexapro has helped, you know, sometimes I'll take Ritalin for my ADHD, I didn't take any today.

• 1:12:45Theo Von?

  How much Pro you on?

• 1:12:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, Pro, what?

• 1:12:47Theo Von?

  Lexapro.

• 1:12:48Speaker 02

  Lexapro?

• 1:12:49Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:49Speaker 02

  Um, 10mg, I think.

• 1:12:51Theo Von?

  Okay, it's a low dose, but it's a good dose.

• 1:12:52Speaker 02

  It's a dose, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's like when they say, um, when you're performing, a lot of comics hate the silence, but that's when they're listening, right? And I feel so comfortable with you, because we've known each other for so long, that, um, we could take a break. We don't always have to like, chase a laugh, or say something super interesting. That's the thing, it's like, we perform for the algorithm and for what people are gonna wanna watch.

• 1:13:19Theo Von?

  I think with you, with you sometimes, it does turn into that, or, uh, this is the first time I've ever thought that. So it's funny that you said that before you came over, whenever you got over here, because I did think that, didn't we talk about it, Nick? I said... Um, what did we say?

• 1:13:31Speaker 03

  What, what are we gonna talk about? And I was like, let the moments happen.

• 1:13:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:35Speaker 02

  Yeah. And, and if the moments don't happen, I'm okay with that too.

• 1:13:38Theo Von?

  That's okay.

• 1:13:39Speaker 02

  That's okay.

• 1:13:40Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  Because we'll podcast again.

• 1:13:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:43Speaker 02

  And again.

• 1:13:43Theo Von?

  And I don't wanna lose out on a chance to have a good time with you.

• 1:13:46Speaker 02

  Well, I'm already having a blast.

• 1:13:48Theo Von?

  Me too.

• 1:13:48Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? The things that you talked about, Charlie, was insane.

• 1:13:53Theo Von?

  It's not, it's not that.

• 1:13:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and, and, yeah, it's fucking insane.

• 1:13:57Theo Von?

  What?

• 1:13:57Speaker 02

  And that's already, that's already something that people are gonna go, what the fuck is he talking about?

• 1:14:02Theo Von?

  Well, cause he's a small town, like, he likes to go out to eat or whatever?

• 1:14:05Speaker 02

  No, no, I don't wanna re, re, uh, don't do your fucking confused white face. You guys do that a lot, your confused white face.

• 1:14:12Theo Von?

  Who does? Who are you?

• 1:14:12Speaker 02

  You, you know, you guys. You guys do that a lot.

• 1:14:14Theo Von?

  Oh, you think we're all?

• 1:14:16Speaker 02

  We didn't start a war.

• 1:14:17Theo Von?

  What?

• 1:14:18Speaker 02

  And your, your eyes cross. Wabba. You know what I mean? You started it. You started it.

• 1:14:25Theo Von?

  We didn't.

• 1:14:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, you started it. Oh, it's been going on for forty-seven years.

• 1:14:30Theo Von?

  That's fucking.

• 1:14:31Speaker 02

  You mean, they're about, they were about to have a nuclear weapon, come on, man. Don't do confused white face, I get it, I know the tone. Yeah, I've been around a long time, I know confused whites.

• 1:14:42Theo Von?

  That's Trump and his fucking miss.

• 1:14:43Speaker 02

  I know, but that you're, sometimes you're a confused white.

• 1:14:47Theo Von?

  You think so? That's Trump and his fucking missile monkeys doing that shit.

• 1:14:50Speaker 02

  But those missile monkeys are also confused whites. They're monkeying around.

• 1:14:54Theo Von?

  I know.

• 1:14:54Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? And what I'm saying is, is that, you mean, don't confuse white me, dog.

• 1:14:59Theo Von?

  You're right.

• 1:14:59Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Cause I'm a confused yellow.

• 1:15:02Theo Von?

  No, you're not.

• 1:15:03Speaker 02

  Sometimes I am.

• 1:15:04Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:15:05Speaker 02

  I get confused, yeah, but the Lexapro's helped.

• 1:15:07Theo Von?

  You always seem confident. Has it really helped you? What has it helped you with? I'll say this, you seem a little less shy. Cause sometimes you get shy. You ever try to put your hand in an aquarium and you try to get up, get one of the fish out of there?

• 1:15:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a koi fish?

• 1:15:21Theo Von?

  Or just at a party or whatever?

• 1:15:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've never done that.

• 1:15:23Theo Von?

  And they keep going. They will not come into your hand.

• 1:15:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, cause it's a defense mechanism.

• 1:15:27Theo Von?

  But that's how you are.

• 1:15:28Speaker 02

  No, but they're like, uh, uh, you know what I mean? A crazed white is, you know what I mean, trying to grab me.

• 1:15:33Theo Von?

  Oh, no, I'm not.

• 1:15:33Speaker 02

  A confused white, I mean.

• 1:15:34Theo Von?

  I'll keep my hand open and just wait till something comes in it.

• 1:15:36Speaker 02

  Will you, will you clutch it?

• 1:15:38Theo Von?

  No, it's kinda softly open like this.

• 1:15:39Speaker 02

  Do they ever do it?

• 1:15:40Theo Von?

  Never.

• 1:15:41Speaker 02

  Never. You know why?

• 1:15:42Theo Von?

  Why?

• 1:15:43Speaker 02

  They're scared.

• 1:15:45Theo Von?

  That's how remind me of you.

• 1:15:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:47Theo Von?

  That's a baby I get out of you.

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  I'm not really that scared anymore.

• 1:15:50Theo Von?

  Good.

• 1:15:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Are you scared?

• 1:15:51Theo Von?

  Fuck yeah, no, I'm happy to hear that.

• 1:15:53Speaker 02

  No, are you scared? Are you scared?

• 1:15:54Theo Von?

  You know, I've gone through a period recently in the past few months where I've definitely dealt with some fear, you know?

• 1:15:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:59Theo Von?

  I think scared of like, um, yeah, I don't know, dude, like, things get scary in the world. And you think like, uh, yeah, if you say certain things that people are gonna do something bad to you, or something bad could happen to somebody you know.

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  Now, do I get death threats and things like that? Yeah, that's scary.

• 1:16:17Theo Von?

  You get those?

• 1:16:18Speaker 02

  Sometimes I have.

• 1:16:20Theo Von?

  From who?

• 1:16:21Speaker 02

  I'm gonna, I'd block them immediately. I don't know.

• 1:16:24Theo Von?

  Have you ever gotten a stalker before?

• 1:16:26Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:16:27Theo Von?

  No way.

• 1:16:28Speaker 02

  Have you?

• 1:16:29Theo Von?

  Nope. Never.

• 1:16:32Speaker 02

  Can I tell you something that's you're confused about again?

• 1:16:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  Right? And this has happened to me four or five times. I'll have a, I'll match with somebody with Raya. I'll take them on a date. And they go, what's Theo up to? And I go, cause I was hanging out with Vancouver and then like, I couldn't get in touch with him and it's like, you know, like, tell me, you're right. And four matches were, listen, hear me out.

• 1:17:00Theo Von?

  I'm listening.

• 1:17:00Speaker 02

  Four of my Raya matches, right, were because they were trying to get to you and that's when I deleted Raya.

• 1:17:06Theo Von?

  You're off.

• 1:17:07Speaker 02

  I'm off of it.

• 1:17:08Theo Von?

  I've never been on it.

• 1:17:09Speaker 02

  I know, but my point is, is that, you know what I mean? Like, you know. My point?

• 1:17:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:15Speaker 02

  That women probably do stalk you. I believe they do because I have. Yeah, I, I do have a lot of women, you know, I mean, on my Instagram going, you know, I mean, tell Theo I think he's hot.

• 1:17:24Theo Von?

  That's crazy.

• 1:17:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. And it's like, you know, I'm pretty hot.

• 1:17:28Theo Von?

  Yeah. Dude, if I were a gay dude, I would fucking smash you, dude. Or I would date you or I'd ask you out, sorry.

• 1:17:36Speaker 02

  Don't smash right away, man. Where are you gonna take me?

• 1:17:37Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 1:17:38Speaker 02

  Where you gonna take me?

• 1:17:39Theo Von?

  You know where.

• 1:17:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, Little LA.

• 1:17:45Speaker 02

  And we'll apologize for Charlie.

• 1:17:47Theo Von?

  Hey, free appetizers.

• 1:17:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:49Theo Von?

  No, dude.

• 1:17:50Speaker 02

  No, you would take me somewhere nice.

• 1:17:51Theo Von?

  I'll take you somewhere nice.

• 1:17:52Speaker 02

  Like if I said like, um, what town is this? LA?

• 1:17:56Theo Von?

  I would take you to Homo Casa if they have that dude, it's just too gay dude. Disguising their wiener as fish. Yeah, like, oh.

• 1:18:04Speaker 02

  No, I, I, I think you would take me somewhere nice, like if I go, A, let me take me to Mastro's Steakhouse.

• 1:18:10Theo Von?

  I would take you somewhere nice like that.

• 1:18:12Speaker 02

  Really nice, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:12Theo Von?

  My friend Matt Weiss used to take me there all the time.

• 1:18:14Speaker 02

  Would you make out, like, if, if you were gay and I was, and you're gay, would you make out with me that night, or?

• 1:18:19Theo Von?

  I don't think so. I don't like to make out on a full stomach, so.

• 1:18:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, me either, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:23Theo Von?

  It's crazy.

• 1:18:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. And you know what I've been doing lately, dude? Inner cleanings.

• 1:18:28Theo Von?

  What is it? Are you talking, uh?

• 1:18:29Speaker 02

  I've been doing inner, inner cleanings, dude.

• 1:18:31Theo Von?

  Are you, and what do you guys, and what do you mean by?

• 1:18:33Speaker 02

  What do you mean you guys?

• 1:18:34Theo Von?

  What, what do you mean by it? When you say inner cleanings?

• 1:18:37Speaker 02

  Inner cleanings.

• 1:18:37Theo Von?

  Are you talking about, um?

• 1:18:38Speaker 02

  When I say inner cleanings, what, what would, what would that?

• 1:18:42Theo Von?

  What are you talking about?

• 1:18:43Speaker 02

  I just had a colo- colo- colonoscopy.

• 1:18:46Theo Von?

  Oh, damn, that butt fountain or whatever?

• 1:18:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got a butt fountain. They found no pulp.

• 1:18:51Theo Von?

  Did they?

• 1:18:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, and they found no cancer.

• 1:18:53Theo Von?

  Let's go.

• 1:18:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I do inner cleanings, so what I'll do is, by my bathtub, I have one of those Japanese, um, toilets.

• 1:19:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:01Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 1:19:03Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, dude.

• 1:19:04Speaker 02

  Right, right?

• 1:19:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:05Speaker 02

  And I sit on it, it warms up right away.

• 1:19:06Theo Von?

  My stepdad, he would shoot those if he saw them.

• 1:19:09Speaker 02

  You Charlie Wood?

• 1:19:13Theo Von?

  He wouldn't shoot, but he would draw on it.

• 1:19:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, he would draw on it.

• 1:19:15Theo Von?

  He would draw on it.

• 1:19:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, it's a flashback and trauma.

• 1:19:19Theo Von?

  I know.

• 1:19:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

• 1:19:21Theo Von?

  That's what I'm saying, dude.

• 1:19:22Speaker 02

  Anyway, um, and what I do is, I have fancy body wash next to my toilet, right? So I have a bidet, you have a bidet?

• 1:19:31Theo Von?

  No, I don't have that.

• 1:19:33Speaker 02

  Do you know what one is?

• 1:19:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, I know it's something that washes in your ass and stuff like that, and I respect it, I'm glad we have it as a culture, but I don't want it.

• 1:19:40Speaker 02

  Why don't you want it?

• 1:19:40Theo Von?

  I'd rather wash my own ass like a fucking man, dude.

• 1:19:44Speaker 02

  I know, but the thing is, is that when you use dry toilet paper, right? You're not getting the innards.

• 1:19:50Theo Von?

  But sometimes you'll put some wetener on that toilet paper, dude.

• 1:19:53Speaker 02

  What's a wetener?

• 1:19:54Theo Von?

  Wetener, keep your little stash of water by your toilet.

• 1:19:56Speaker 02

  Well, just get a fucking bodega. It just does it naturally when you press a button.

• 1:20:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:00Speaker 02

  You're gonna, you're gonna have a fucking wetener? It's the same fucking thing.

• 1:20:04Theo Von?

  Dude, I'm not fucking letting some Waymo fucking clean my ass, dude.

• 1:20:08Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 1:20:08Theo Von?

  I'm doing it myself.

• 1:20:09Speaker 02

  But you can control the angles.

• 1:20:11Theo Von?

  I'm old fashioned.

• 1:20:12Speaker 02

  Alright dude, so I control the levels.

• 1:20:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:15Speaker 02

  So it hits the hole.

• 1:20:16Theo Von?

  But that's not a colonoscopy, Bobby.

• 1:20:18Speaker 02

  I already had one last week.

• 1:20:19Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:20:20Speaker 02

  But I'm, now I'm talking about cleaning my innards.

• 1:20:22Theo Von?

  Do they let you keep anything that comes out of it? Like if they have like a...

• 1:20:25Speaker 02

  They found a fingernail.

• 1:20:26Theo Von?

  Nuh uh.

• 1:20:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, they found a fingernail.

• 1:20:27Theo Von?

  Fuck yeah, I knew those are in there. Somebody said those are in there.

• 1:20:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, those are in there, dude. No, but so I, I...

• 1:20:33Theo Von?

  So your health is good?

• 1:20:34Speaker 02

  No, no, let me finish my innards story, dude. That's what your problem is.

• 1:20:37Theo Von?

  You're right.

• 1:20:38Speaker 02

  Alright, and I take some body wash, I let the bodega hit directly into the, you know what I mean? Calamari, is what I like to call it.

• 1:20:46Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:20:46Speaker 02

  Okay. Cause that's what it looks like.

• 1:20:48Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:20:49Speaker 02

  Right, right? I hit the calamari, right? And then sometimes I'll open up my own cheeks, right?

• 1:20:54Theo Von?

  Oh damn.

• 1:20:55Speaker 02

  So that the water sprays right into the hole.

• 1:20:58Theo Von?

  Into the hormones, huh?

• 1:20:59Speaker 02

  The hormones, spraying the straight in the hormones, right? It does close. It does close, right? You know what I mean? But you know what I mean? We're charging. We're charging two million for, per vessel.

• 1:21:09Theo Von?

  That's what you gotta tell...

• 1:21:09Speaker 02

  I charge my poo, dude. Yeah, I charge my poo two million dollars, they don't pay it.

• 1:21:14Theo Von?

  Bro, that's what you gotta tell your butthole. It's like, hey, blink twice if you're in trouble, you know?

• 1:21:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. So anyway, I spray it inside and then I'll take a ti- tissue paper, some body wash, right? I'll get it inside the hole and I'll do a double spray.

• 1:21:28Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 1:21:29Speaker 02

  Right, in the hole, right? Then I do a dry wipe.

• 1:21:32Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:21:32Speaker 02

  Right? And I leave so that like, you know what I mean, when you're having sexualities with my girlfriend, right? Um, you know what I mean, there's no problem.

• 1:21:41Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:21:41Speaker 02

  I mean, aren't you self-cleaning when you know you're about to hook up?

• 1:21:45Theo Von?

  Yeah, I wash my whole body. I've been taking a little break right now from dating and stuff like that. But I wash my whole body.

• 1:21:53Speaker 02

  I do that too. I do that too.

• 1:21:55Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:21:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, you think that I only washed that?

• 1:21:59Theo Von?

  I don't know. I don't know what you're doing.

• 1:22:03Speaker 02

  You're fucking- No, wait, wait, no, wait, wait.

• 1:22:05Theo Von?

  Have you ever met yourself? Have you ever met yourself?

• 1:22:07Speaker 02

  Have you met yourself? It's crazy.

• 1:22:09Theo Von?

  You're crazy, dude.

• 1:22:10Speaker 02

  You're fucking crazy.

• 1:22:11Theo Von?

  Whatever, dude.

• 1:22:12Speaker 02

  You're a confused white dude.

• 1:22:13Theo Von?

  Whatever, you told me that you-

• 1:22:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, you know, when I told you what?

• 1:22:15Theo Von?

  You said you used to work on the Andrea Gale, dude. That fishing boat that went down, dude.

• 1:22:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I survived it.

• 1:22:21Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I survived it.

• 1:22:22Theo Von?

  And you lied, dude.

• 1:22:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, I lied about it. So my bad. But let me say something right now, okay? Of course I wash my body before I do that process.

• 1:22:30Theo Von?

  Okay, got it.

• 1:22:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, that's all. That's all I'm saying, alright?

• 1:22:32Theo Von?

  Alright.

• 1:22:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. See, that's all you do is wash your body?

• 1:22:36Theo Von?

  I wash my body. I wash my whole body. Huh?

• 1:22:38Speaker 02

  You steam your body?

• 1:22:39Theo Von?

  I go to sauna in the morning.

• 1:22:41Speaker 02

  But in Nashville?

• 1:22:42Theo Von?

  Yeah, Nashville or here.

• 1:22:44Speaker 02

  Oh, you do? I've never been to sauna with you.

• 1:22:46Theo Von?

  You haven't?

• 1:22:46Speaker 02

  No, I'd like to do it one day.

• 1:22:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'd love to go over there, man. If, you know, there's supposed to be some good places that people go, like as a group and stuff? I haven't been to any of those. I'll just do it at home, but also I'll go to Equinox over there and then I'll go over there.

• 1:22:58Speaker 02

  You mean as a group?

• 1:22:59Theo Von?

  Like, you know, people will get those-

• 1:23:00Speaker 02

  Like a boy band?

• 1:23:01Theo Von?

  There's like a bath house or something, no. No, I'm not talking like an O-Town reunion or something. Yeah.

• 1:23:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, okay.

• 1:23:08Theo Von?

  Um-

• 1:23:08Speaker 02

  Like, if we've gathered a group of comics, me, you, Gillis, Santino.

• 1:23:12Theo Von?

  That'd be so fun.

• 1:23:13Speaker 02

  That'd be fun, you know what I mean? And would you be like one of those people? Cause a lot of, and I'm, I'm, I know I'm bringing white up a lot, right?

• 1:23:20Theo Von?

  It's alright.

• 1:23:21Speaker 02

  Alright, but what I'm saying-

• 1:23:22Theo Von?

  I knew you were gonna do it before you came here.

• 1:23:24Speaker 02

  Well, you bring up Asia a lot. Like, you're confused about the whole fucking continent.

• 1:23:28Theo Von?

  Well, you guys aren't sharing a ton of information.

• 1:23:32Speaker 02

  For, to Iran, eh, we are.

• 1:23:34Theo Von?

  To Iran?

• 1:23:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, we have satellites.

• 1:23:38Theo Von?

  Well, we're not getting much. I, you guys aren't sending me-

• 1:23:41Speaker 02

  I'm an American. Let's move on.

• 1:23:42Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:23:43Speaker 02

  Okay, but what I wanna-

• 1:23:44Theo Von?

  What I wanna say is, have you seen this volleyball player that you, we were trying to find a movie role for you? When I was on Bad Friends, we were trying to find a movie role for you that would be really, really great, and we're like, "What would be a great movie role for Robbie?" And we found, have you seen this guy?

• 1:23:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's see it.

• 1:23:59Theo Von?

  This is my boy Jordan Lucas over at CSUN, dude.

• 1:24:01Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:24:04Theo Von?

  Splash, baby. He gets it done, bro.

• 1:24:08Speaker 02

  Oh, he is. Oh, I see. I understand.

• 1:24:12Theo Von?

  Welcome to volley-

• 1:24:13Speaker 02

  I understand. Yeah, I understand.

• 1:24:15Theo Von?

  Volleyball, baby. That dude is-

• 1:24:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:17Theo Von?

  He's in the valley, right? He's at CSUN?

• 1:24:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, CSUN.

• 1:24:20Speaker 03

  Northridge.

• 1:24:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:21Theo Von?

  Up in Northridge, bro.

• 1:24:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:23Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 1:24:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:24Theo Von?

  He put that flamenco on him, baby.

• 1:24:26Speaker 02

  I understand, guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:27Theo Von?

  He's flashing that flamenco.

• 1:24:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. So that's, I would play a black gay man in a movie.

• 1:24:33Theo Von?

  No, this guy's not black.

• 1:24:34Speaker 02

  He's not? What is he?

• 1:24:35Theo Von?

  No. Jordan Lucas?

• 1:24:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:37Theo Von?

  He's a fucking boss. That's what he is.

• 1:24:40Speaker 02

  Oh, he's a boss?

• 1:24:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:24:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He seems like a black boss.

• 1:24:44Theo Von?

  He's sassy, bro.

• 1:24:45Speaker 02

  He's sassy, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, would you be intimidated to play against him?

• 1:24:49Theo Von?

  Bro, game, set, sassy, brother. That dude is a fucking boss, bro.

• 1:24:53Speaker 02

  But would you-

• 1:24:53Theo Von?

  Yes, I'd be intimidated, playing against anybody that is doing, that plays volleyball well.

• 1:24:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, that's true.

• 1:24:59Theo Von?

  He's a boss, bro.

• 1:25:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:25:01Theo Von?

  Shout out CSUN. And what's their team name that, uh? And it says right there, "I can't stop watching the vid of this Northridge College volleyball beast diva lol." That's where we're at, bro. The beast divas have launched, homie.

• 1:25:15Speaker 02

  They have?

• 1:25:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, bro. That's what we, you need, you need that kind of like, energy in the world. You need aggressive, capable, gay males.

• 1:25:28Theo Von?

  Or semi-gay. I don't have no idea.

• 1:25:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know.

• 1:25:30Theo Von?

  And is this guy definitely, has he said that he is gay?

• 1:25:32Speaker 02

  We don't know full.

• 1:25:32Speaker 03

  I saw an interview with him. He's gay.

• 1:25:34Speaker 02

  He could only, but he could be straight and have gay moves.

• 1:25:38Theo Von?

  Now, that's us-

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  I've done some gay moves, but I'm, you know, I mean, 95% straight.

• 1:25:41Theo Von?

  We know, dude.

• 1:25:43Speaker 02

  No, no, no. Like, I'll wait and I'll go, "Okay." You know what I mean? But that doesn't necessarily mean-

• 1:25:48Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:25:49Speaker 02

  You know what I mean?

• 1:25:49Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:25:50Speaker 02

  Like, when I kiss the tip, I do it manly.

• 1:25:53Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:25:54Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? That's not-

• 1:25:56Theo Von?

  Like a dad, like kissing his son goodbye?

• 1:25:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:25:58Theo Von?

  The one kiss of the year?

• 1:25:59Speaker 02

  You're going off to war?

• 1:25:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, like that, dude.

• 1:26:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, like aggressive, but like- Hetero.

• 1:26:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:07Speaker 02

  Hetero, yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, for sure, dude.

• 1:26:08Speaker 02

  Have you seen the Thai, um, draft? So there's a draft in Thailand?

• 1:26:13Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:26:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:14Theo Von?

  Bro, you're, Spike Lee, that'd be your name, dude, if that were your Asian name, bro. If you play volleyball.

• 1:26:20Speaker 02

  Dude, that's so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:22Theo Von?

  That'd be so fucking sick, dude.

• 1:26:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:26:24Theo Von?

  Ladies and gentlemen, Spike Lee.

• 1:26:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I'd be spiking it.

• 1:26:27Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:26:30Theo Von?

  Dude, you'd be.

• 1:26:31Speaker 02

  We should do a show.

• 1:26:32Theo Von?

  We should do a movie.

• 1:26:33Speaker 02

  Heated rivalry, where I'm Spike Lee, right? And, uh.

• 1:26:37Theo Von?

  And we're not putting you on the poster if we do it.

• 1:26:39Speaker 02

  You're Voli Von.

• 1:26:40Theo Von?

  But we'll do a movie. You and me are the leads and just I'm on the poster.

• 1:26:43Speaker 02

  But it's like heated rivalry, where I hand you a.

• 1:26:46Theo Von?

  And you touch my finger?

• 1:26:47Speaker 02

  There's a finger. Right. What do you think?

• 1:26:51Theo Von?

  So you're saying where we do like a.

• 1:26:52Speaker 02

  It's a movie, so it's not.

• 1:26:54Theo Von?

  It's not real.

• 1:26:54Speaker 02

  It's art.

• 1:26:55Theo Von?

  It's art.

• 1:26:55Speaker 02

  You think we broke back?

• 1:26:56Theo Von?

  Jake Gyllenhaal?

• 1:26:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. I know Jake.

• 1:26:58Theo Von?

  You do?

• 1:26:58Speaker 02

  I love him.

• 1:26:59Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:27:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had dinner with him once. He's a great guy.

• 1:27:01Theo Von?

  You did?

• 1:27:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:02Theo Von?

  Oh, my gosh, you never even said that.

• 1:27:04Speaker 02

  Well, how would you know? You never asked me.

• 1:27:06Theo Von?

  You'd think you would tell me.

• 1:27:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't tell you everyone I've had dinner with.

• 1:27:10Theo Von?

  I know that, but at least you would say, hey, Jake Gyllenhaal.

• 1:27:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, he's a great guy. He's so funny.

• 1:27:16Theo Von?

  Who's your dream guest to have on your podcast on Bad Friends?

• 1:27:18Speaker 02

  Oh, shit, dog. Uh, my dream guest?

• 1:27:21Theo Von?

  Or on your own podcast.

• 1:27:23Speaker 02

  Tiger Belly is my own podcast.

• 1:27:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, but I'm saying Tiger Belly or Bad Friends.

• 1:27:28Speaker 02

  The dream guest would be, um.

• 1:27:32Speaker 02

  Brad Pitt.

• 1:27:33Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:27:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. I just want to see what it's all about.

• 1:27:37Theo Von?

  To see it up close?

• 1:27:38Speaker 02

  And personally, yeah.

• 1:27:39Theo Von?

  Damn, bro.

• 1:27:40Speaker 02

  I want to see if it's an illusion or if it's real.

• 1:27:43Theo Von?

  If it's makeup.

• 1:27:44Speaker 02

  Have you seen him in real life before, Brad Pitt?

• 1:27:46Theo Von?

  I saw him one time.

• 1:27:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. Is it real?

• 1:27:48Theo Von?

  I mean, I was so scared. I didn't know what to do and I just.

• 1:27:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, you trembled probably.

• 1:27:52Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. I was like opening a door for him and I got all scared and shit.

• 1:27:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:55Theo Von?

  He went in the building. I followed him.

• 1:27:57Speaker 02

  Yeah. I know, but when you look at him.

• 1:27:59Theo Von?

  But he moved quick.

• 1:28:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know. He looks like a very quick guy.

• 1:28:02Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:03Speaker 02

  Like one time I was, um, you know, nothing about soccer.

• 1:28:07Theo Von?

  No, I know the World Cup's coming to the USA.

• 1:28:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, that's good. But anyway, um, my favorite soccer team is Arsenal FC.

• 1:28:13Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:28:13Speaker 02

  When you do it, I do it. And, uh, so the soccer team has.

• 1:28:18Theo Von?

  Spike Lee.

• 1:28:20Speaker 02

  War, good God.

• 1:28:23Theo Von?

  What is it good for?

• 1:28:25Speaker 02

  Absolutely nothing. Say it again! Okay, so um, I was, I'm an Arsenal fan. Can you hear me? Here's the thing about you. You don't listen. You're already, here's the thing about you. You're already thinking about what you're gonna say next, like a different topic. So when I'm, I know your eyes, right? So when I'm talking, right, you're already thinking about something else. You're not really listening.

• 1:28:46Theo Von?

  Okay, my bad, let me drop in.

• 1:28:48Speaker 02

  I, I, you want, you want this to be over?

• 1:28:50Theo Von?

  No, I don't. Tell me about Arsenal, dude.

• 1:28:53Speaker 02

  Alright, so their legendary player is a guy named Thierry Henry.

• 1:28:57Theo Von?

  Thierry Henry, T-H-I-E-R-R-Y.

• 1:29:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, how'd you know that?

• 1:29:01Theo Von?

  Cause I've seen him before.

• 1:29:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:02Theo Von?

  He's one of the greats. People say he looks like Sully McCullough as well, a little bit.

• 1:29:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, a little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so Henry, I was at a hotel.

• 1:29:10Theo Von?

  And you met him?

• 1:29:11Speaker 02

  No. So I was in a hotel in New York, right? I was shooting the movie The Dictator, right? And they put us, I forgot what hotel it was. And I remember being in the elevator and Henry walks in.

• 1:29:22Theo Von?

  Did they put you on the poster or not The Dictator?

• 1:29:24Speaker 02

  No. And I had more lines than busboys.

• 1:29:28Theo Von?

  But they didn't care about you?

• 1:29:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, they didn't care about me. You cared about me.

• 1:29:32Theo Von?

  I can't believe they didn't ask you that.

• 1:29:34Speaker 02

  Anyway, Henry walks in, right? And, you know, obviously, there was, it's like, hey, I'm a huge fan, or can I get a photo? Or whatever?

• 1:29:47Theo Von?

  You said that to him?

• 1:29:48Speaker 02

  No, nothing came out of my mouth. I was so in shock that he, he was the last person that ever thought I would dream, dream meeting or seeing in real life, dude.

• 1:29:58Theo Von?

  Of course, of course.

• 1:29:59Speaker 02

  That when he got off his floor, the words couldn't come out.

• 1:30:02Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:30:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, that's how much of a fan I was. And then when I missed my moment, I missed my moment, you know what I mean? So um, the other day I was at Pizzeria Bianco, right? And the dude that runs, that created it, I'm a big fan of, um...

• 1:30:21Speaker 02

  He was in the restaurant.

• 1:30:23Theo Von?

  No way.

• 1:30:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I walked right up to him, I go, can I get a photo? And he goes, sure kid. So I, I do it every time now. Because I'm not fans of like, you know.

• 1:30:31Theo Von?

  Terry was in the restaurant?

• 1:30:33Speaker 02

  No, this guy that created Chris Pizzeria Bianco.

• 1:30:35Theo Von?

  Oh, he was in the restaurant?

• 1:30:37Speaker 02

  It's the one, the best pizzerias in the world.

• 1:30:38Theo Von?

  The creator, who's it? Bring it up. That's him right there.

• 1:30:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:43Theo Von?

  Chris Bianco.

• 1:30:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, Chris Bianco, yeah.

• 1:30:44Theo Von?

  Oh, I've seen him before.

• 1:30:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one downtown in LA, very good pizza.

• 1:30:48Theo Von?

  I don't go down there too much, but I will.

• 1:30:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. But anyway, um, so now, when I see somebody, can you listen?

• 1:30:56Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm back. I'm here.

• 1:30:59Speaker 02

  Okay. Now, when I see somebody, like, I'm not like fans of like, oh, there's, you know, I mean, Sabrina Carpenter or.

• 1:31:05Theo Von?

  David Robinson.

• 1:31:07Speaker 02

  Or like a. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not like what.

• 1:31:09Theo Von?

  Mitch McConnell.

• 1:31:10Speaker 02

  Like Mitch McConnell, like eternal eyes.

• 1:31:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:12Speaker 02

  I call him, you know what I mean?

• 1:31:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:15Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? Like, you know, so most people are like, I gotta get a selfie with Mitch. You know, when he's in a, he's a zone.

• 1:31:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:21Speaker 02

  His frozone.

• 1:31:21Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:22Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? When he freezes up? That's my favorite part of him.

• 1:31:24Theo Von?

  Oh, he's glitching.

• 1:31:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's glitching, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But anyway, that's his cum face.

• 1:31:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:29Speaker 02

  Did you know that?

• 1:31:30Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:31:30Speaker 02

  Yeah. This is.

• 1:31:35Speaker 02

  Anyway, like Mitch McConnell.

• 1:31:36Theo Von?

  Oh, that's crazy.

• 1:31:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, that's, that's, yeah, that's his cum face, dude.

• 1:31:39Theo Von?

  Bro, we're gonna go to hell for doing this. That's a real face or something?

• 1:31:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's a real face, dude, yeah.

• 1:31:44Theo Von?

  See, they're using some of these senior citizens, dude.

• 1:31:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:47Theo Von?

  They're just, they're using them to just smuggle.

• 1:31:49Speaker 02

  Imagine his Chinese wife underneath him and that's the face he uses.

• 1:31:52Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:31:53Speaker 02

  Oh, dude, you know what I mean?

• 1:31:54Theo Von?

  You gotta use that.

• 1:31:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, you gotta use that. Anyway, so are you fans with somebody that's weird? That if you ran into them, that you'd be starstruck?

• 1:32:04Theo Von?

  I think probably Marilyn Manson, probably.

• 1:32:09Speaker 02

  He's dead.

• 1:32:10Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 1:32:10Speaker 02

  Someone alive.

• 1:32:11Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:32:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I could go out through history, like Genghis Khan, that'd be cool. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, but Marilyn Manson's dead, yeah.

• 1:32:20Speaker 02

  Is there somebody that you would like?

• 1:32:21Theo Von?

  Where did he die?

• 1:32:23Speaker 03

  Are you thinking Marilyn Manson's still alive? Charles Manson dead?

• 1:32:25Speaker 02

  Oh, you meant Charles Manson. Oh, Marilyn Manson.

• 1:32:27Theo Von?

  Yeah, Marilyn Manson, dude.

• 1:32:29Speaker 02

  Oh, so I'm like, thank God. Oh, thank God. Thank God he didn't die.

• 1:32:34Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:32:34Speaker 02

  Oh, fuck, he didn't die.

• 1:32:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, no, yeah.

• 1:32:36Speaker 02

  I know him.

• 1:32:37Theo Von?

  You do?

• 1:32:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:39Theo Von?

  Dang, dude.

• 1:32:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I do know him.

• 1:32:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, I, I, I, we kind of, I was talking to like somebody that works with him for a little bit and then, um, but, uh, yeah, I think probably him would be somebody that'd be really neat. The Pope, maybe?

• 1:32:50Speaker 02

  Oh, Pope Leo or the previous one?

• 1:32:51Theo Von?

  The new one? The one that's beefing with Trump online?

• 1:32:54Speaker 02

  What about the one that J D Vance killed?

• 1:32:58Speaker 02

  You remember that guy?

• 1:32:59Theo Von?

  I haven't even heard about that one.

• 1:33:00Speaker 02

  Remember J D Vance visited him and the next day he died?

• 1:33:02Theo Von?

  Oh, dang.

• 1:33:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it's like, yeah, so that's why.

• 1:33:06Theo Von?

  I mean, I will say, look, Giddy has a strong handshake.

• 1:33:09Speaker 02

  I know. But now this Pope? Wherever J D's at, he's not there.

• 1:33:13Theo Von?

  Oh, I see what you're saying.

• 1:33:14Speaker 02

  Like, he was in Africa and then J D was like in DC. And if, if, if J D went to Africa, the Pope would go to Antarctica, you hear me? That Pope ain't fucking fucking with no J D.

• 1:33:23Theo Von?

  Pope on a rope, homie.

• 1:33:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's a Pope on a rope, though, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:25Theo Von?

  Yeah, that last one definitely was.

• 1:33:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, so if you, if you ran into the Pope?

• 1:33:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:33:29Speaker 02

  Or, um, what about, can I just name some names?

• 1:33:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm trying to think, because, oh, people I'd be starstruck by?

• 1:33:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and that you would like be like, oh, fuck, I gotta get a photo.

• 1:33:37Theo Von?

  Oh, Julia Roberts, I would be starstruck.

• 1:33:39Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, you get a photo?

• 1:33:40Theo Von?

  I don't know if I'd ask for a photo, but I would just be starstruck.

• 1:33:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I'd be starstruck.

• 1:33:43Theo Von?

  I don't know if I'd ask for like, I think sometimes it's better to just say, nah, I'm okay without a photo.

• 1:33:49Speaker 02

  This is what, so here's the thing, okay?

• 1:33:52Theo Von?

  That's how I feel most of the time.

• 1:33:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, right? And I saw Sabrina Carpenter and I saw, I went for the strokes. Right?

• 1:33:59Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:34:00Speaker 02

  And I got front row.

• 1:34:01Theo Von?

  So did Mitch McConnell.

• 1:34:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:04Theo Von?

  Sorry, that's a bad joke. All right, let's go on.

• 1:34:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh, my God.

• 1:34:09Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 1:34:10Theo Von?

  My poker face.

• 1:34:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He does look like a turtle, dude.

• 1:34:15Theo Von?

  Does he? I don't even, that part I don't even see. I just see.

• 1:34:18Speaker 02

  What'd you see?

• 1:34:18Theo Von?

  A senior man that's getting, like, getting used to funnel ideas and, uh, danger through.

• 1:34:24Speaker 02

  There should be an age, you believe there's, there's gotta be a limit?

• 1:34:28Theo Von?

  They gotta put a cap.

• 1:34:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, what's the cap? Sixty?

• 1:34:30Theo Von?

  Sixty-five.

• 1:34:31Speaker 02

  Sixty-five, cap?

• 1:34:32Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:33Speaker 02

  After sixty-five, you're out.

• 1:34:34Theo Von?

  You're out.

• 1:34:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think so, too.

• 1:34:36Theo Von?

  And as a.

• 1:34:37Speaker 02

  Because I'm fifty-four, I'll do crazy shit.

• 1:34:39Theo Von?

  Would you ever run?

• 1:34:41Speaker 02

  I'd run fast.

• 1:34:42Theo Von?

  Would you ever run for office?

• 1:34:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:44Theo Von?

  Would you?

• 1:34:44Speaker 02

  Yeah. A congressperson or something.

• 1:34:47Theo Von?

  We need somebody.

• 1:34:47Speaker 02

  I think so, yeah.

• 1:34:48Theo Von?

  You know, one of the first-

• 1:34:49Speaker 02

  My ideas are cray cray. I mean, I don't know. Ask me about something, I'll tell you what I would do.

• 1:34:53Theo Von?

  But here's the thing. We have, uh, the first Vietnamese House Representatives person was from Louisiana.

• 1:35:03Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:35:03Theo Von?

  Yep.

• 1:35:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:04Theo Von?

  Look him up.

• 1:35:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. So you can differentiate between Vietnamese and Chinese and?

• 1:35:09Theo Von?

  I wouldn't say that. But I would say that that's our boy right there.

• 1:35:13Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 1:35:15Theo Von?

  Joseph Cow.

• 1:35:16Speaker 02

  And he's from your, your, your, your homeland?

• 1:35:19Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's him right there.

• 1:35:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:35:21Theo Von?

  He's a boss, dude.

• 1:35:22Speaker 02

  He's a boss, dude.

• 1:35:23Theo Von?

  Born in Saigon.

• 1:35:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:35:25Theo Von?

  Born in Saigon, went to Baylor.

• 1:35:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you need, you think we need more Asians in Congress?

• 1:35:30Theo Von?

  Yeah. And more Filipinos. If it was all Filipinos, I don't think anything bad would ever happen to the world, do you?

• 1:35:36Speaker 02

  No, dude.

• 1:35:37Theo Von?

  How great.

• 1:35:37Speaker 02

  I think you're right.

• 1:35:38Theo Von?

  That's the truth.

• 1:35:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they'd be a lot of-

• 1:35:41Theo Von?

  You could run on the same ticket, dude, with Jake Paul.

• 1:35:44Speaker 02

  Jake Paul has my, yeah, but we're different parties.

• 1:35:47Theo Von?

  Would you ever, dude, because this is, this is actually something I did here. Jake, somebody said you got offered to do WWE, is that true?

• 1:35:56Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:35:57Theo Von?

  Are you serious?

• 1:35:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, stop pointing at me, dog. Yeah, I'm saying, I'm fucking serious, bro.

• 1:36:01Theo Von?

  Alright. Are you serious?

• 1:36:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm serious, dude.

• 1:36:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, I heard that.

• 1:36:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I, I, but here's what happens, right? I don't get 80% of it. You know what I mean? It goes through like a funnel to me. Because my people know what I will and will not do.

• 1:36:17Theo Von?

  For sure.

• 1:36:18Speaker 02

  And WWE is something I would, probably wouldn't want to do.

• 1:36:20Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:36:20Speaker 02

  Because I would lose. Yeah, I would lose.

• 1:36:23Theo Von?

  What if we did a tag team match against Logan Paul and his brother?

• 1:36:27Speaker 02

  I would do that, dude. Yeah, let's challenge Logan Paul, right, and his brother. Jake.

• 1:36:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:34Speaker 02

  Tag team, uh, we have to wear costumes now.

• 1:36:36Theo Von?

  And the winner has to pay the others taxes.

• 1:36:40Speaker 02

  For how many years? Just one year?

• 1:36:41Theo Von?

  For one year.

• 1:36:42Speaker 02

  But you think he would win? Fuck it.

• 1:36:44Theo Von?

  Fuck yeah.

• 1:36:46Speaker 02

  I think they're not all that.

• 1:36:47Theo Von?

  Dude.

• 1:36:48Speaker 02

  Dude.

• 1:36:49Theo Von?

  Of course.

• 1:36:49Speaker 02

  I would tag you real quick.

• 1:36:50Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:51Speaker 02

  Oh, you would? Yeah, I'm opening.

• 1:36:52Theo Von?

  And I would tag you, you just keep you.

• 1:36:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, we tag each other. Dude, that's what we stay in the corner and we keep tagging each other.

• 1:36:57Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Till they get dizzy.

• 1:36:59Speaker 02

  Or we become a cyclone of tagging, right? And then they get all confused, right? And then we both get onto the ropes, right? And we do what?

• 1:37:08Theo Von?

  Uh, we jump off.

• 1:37:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, we, yes, and?

• 1:37:11Theo Von?

  And we attack them.

• 1:37:12Speaker 02

  And we attack them down.

• 1:37:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:13Speaker 02

  Dude, we attack that way through the air.

• 1:37:16Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:16Speaker 02

  Like we did to Iran.

• 1:37:17Theo Von?

  Or we get a drone to take us up.

• 1:37:19Speaker 02

  Oh, right. Ukrainian or Iranian?

• 1:37:21Theo Von?

  Uh, whatever one still has a little bit of gas money left.

• 1:37:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:37:26Theo Von?

  Whatever one, yeah.

• 1:37:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:37:28Theo Von?

  And we take that up, dude.

• 1:37:29Speaker 02

  We'll take that up, right? And we'll just glide right into them.

• 1:37:31Theo Von?

  I think we could do it.

• 1:37:34Theo Von?

  But would you get involved in personal, like even in, in, uh, in local politics? Like Spencer Pratt is running for mayor of LA now. You know that.

• 1:37:40Speaker 02

  No, I don't know that.

• 1:37:40Theo Von?

  You don't know that?

• 1:37:41Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no. And, you know, and that'd be cool. I don't know if I, you know what I do, do, do?

• 1:37:45Theo Von?

  What?

• 1:37:46Speaker 02

  When I do, do, do, do?

• 1:37:50Speaker 02

  I donate to Canada sometimes.

• 1:37:53Theo Von?

  To help them?

• 1:37:54Speaker 02

  Yeah. You ever do that?

• 1:37:56Theo Von?

  I love Canada.

• 1:37:58Speaker 02

  Excuse me?

• 1:37:59Theo Von?

  I love Canada.

• 1:38:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh, you, you, you, you give Canadian politicians money?

• 1:38:04Theo Von?

  No. I don't donate to them, but I love Canada. I think it's a great place.

• 1:38:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love Argentina. What the fuck are you talking about?

• 1:38:10Theo Von?

  They have the best posture. You don't even know Argentina.

• 1:38:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, they have the best soccer players.

• 1:38:14Theo Von?

  Argentina does.

• 1:38:15Speaker 02

  Aguera, Messi, yeah.

• 1:38:16Theo Von?

  I saw Messi play one time.

• 1:38:18Speaker 02

  With Miami?

• 1:38:20Theo Von?

  Nashville.

• 1:38:21Speaker 02

  Oh, right, but it was with the Miami team?

• 1:38:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:38:23Theo Von?

  They played there. Dude, it was great. I, I, I like, I would like to watch soccer more. I think I'm gonna try to go to a, uh, game when it's here.

• 1:38:31Speaker 02

  Yeah. You like those things. Can I, can I tell you something about something that made me real sad?

• 1:38:36Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:36Speaker 02

  So when the last UFC fight. That you and I were at?

• 1:38:41Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:41Speaker 02

  We're all right. What kind of seats did you get?

• 1:38:44Theo Von?

  We got good seats.

• 1:38:45Speaker 02

  You did?

• 1:38:46Theo Von?

  Yes.

• 1:38:46Speaker 02

  What would you think my seats were like?

• 1:38:49Theo Von?

  I saw your seats. They were good.

• 1:38:51Speaker 02

  Better than yours?

• 1:38:53Theo Von?

  No. It depends on what you're looking for.

• 1:38:55Speaker 02

  I'm looking to get closest to the

• 1:38:59Speaker 02

  the cage.

• 1:38:59Theo Von?

  I didn't know that.

• 1:39:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think I want to be out there?

• 1:39:03Theo Von?

  They put you.

• 1:39:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:05Theo Von?

  There is a like zone where they, where there's a lot of like people that um

• 1:39:09Speaker 02

  Influencers.

• 1:39:10Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:39:10Speaker 02

  Okay, what kind of people?

• 1:39:12Theo Von?

  Or people, yeah, influencers, but people that are like, uh, there's a lot of people that have like, uh, it's like wheelchair access. It's like

• 1:39:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's why I saw that.

• 1:39:21Theo Von?

  People that are impaired, like people that are neck braces, back braces. People that are on fluids and shit. And they, yeah. You were right there though, along the road. Where people come out.

• 1:39:30Speaker 02

  They have other attachments to them.

• 1:39:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're like in the neck brace section.

• 1:39:34Speaker 02

  Oxygen, water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They have a cane. Yeah, I mean. The BIF. They have the BIF.

• 1:39:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, just

• 1:39:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:43Theo Von?

  Just an aquifier, basically.

• 1:39:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:45Theo Von?

  People that were just like, yeah.

• 1:39:46Speaker 02

  So I'm in that section, right? And for a split second, I was kind of like, why am I here? You know what I mean?

• 1:39:53Theo Von?

  Probably because it was your first fight.

• 1:39:54Speaker 02

  Really? So the next time I go to a fight, because I love the sport. Can I just go with you?

• 1:39:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:01Speaker 02

  Will I still be in the oxygen? Area?

• 1:40:04Theo Von?

  I can ask Dana if, if, A, if he would allow me, if he allows me to go.

• 1:40:09Speaker 02

  No, you're always around that.

• 1:40:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:12Speaker 02

  I'm a fan of the sport. You're always around that.

• 1:40:15Theo Von?

  But it's still at his grace, you know? It's like his, it's like, he picks who can go, right?

• 1:40:20Speaker 02

  Wait, wait, wait, wait. The people that you, your friends are bigger than me? That you had around you? Are they?

• 1:40:28Theo Von?

  What do you mean, like, like popularity wise? No, Gianni's with me all the time.

• 1:40:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, is he more popular than me?

• 1:40:34Theo Von?

  To the, in the urban circles he is.

• 1:40:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, this was me at the oxygen area.

• 1:40:38Theo Von?

  You're having a good time?

• 1:40:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was having a spasm, dude.

• 1:40:42Theo Von?

  Bro, look how close. I've never gotten to sit where you sat here. That's amazing, bro. To cheer people when they come out.

• 1:40:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, but then you put your hand out. They don't, never slap my hand.

• 1:40:51Theo Von?

  Bro.

• 1:40:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:52Theo Von?

  That guy's a beast, dude.

• 1:40:54Speaker 02

  And then what's that?

• 1:40:54Theo Von?

  Who is that guy, Nick?

• 1:40:56Speaker 03

  Ateba Gautier.

• 1:40:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:57Theo Von?

  Is he like in a six fight win streak?

• 1:40:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, all first round knockouts.

• 1:41:00Speaker 02

  I like Gautier, yeah.

• 1:41:01Theo Von?

  And dude, you got to see Rose Namajunas when she came out?

• 1:41:03Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:41:04Theo Von?

  Is that what you said last name, Nick?

• 1:41:05Speaker 02

  Namajunas.

• 1:41:06Theo Von?

  Namajunas?

• 1:41:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:41:07Theo Von?

  Dude, Doug Rose, bro, just to see that, yeah.

• 1:41:10Speaker 02

  You're right.

• 1:41:10Theo Von?

  I've sat in a lot of different places. I haven't always gotten to sit up close, but it has been fun when I got to.

• 1:41:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:41:16Theo Von?

  But yeah.

• 1:41:16Speaker 02

  And next time you sit up close, because I've never been there.

• 1:41:19Theo Von?

  I'm going in July.

• 1:41:20Speaker 02

  Can I just go with you?

• 1:41:20Theo Von?

  Yes, please. I'm going in July. If I am able to sit up close, then I would love for you to go.

• 1:41:25Speaker 02

  And just ask Dana, like my friend, you know what I mean?

• 1:41:27Theo Von?

  I'm gonna send him a JPG of you.

• 1:41:31Theo Von?

  Straight up, I'll say you used to fight.

• 1:41:35Speaker 02

  Just say the real thing.

• 1:41:37Theo Von?

  You did used to fight.

• 1:41:38Speaker 02

  No, no. Say I'm your friend.

• 1:41:40Theo Von?

  I'll say it's my friend, yeah.

• 1:41:41Speaker 02

  I'm a, he's a, you know, pretty big podcaster.

• 1:41:43Theo Von?

  I'm not gonna lie to him.

• 1:41:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then why would you lie just now?

• 1:41:46Theo Von?

  You're right.

• 1:41:47Speaker 02

  No, I'm right!

• 1:41:49Theo Von?

  You are.

• 1:41:49Speaker 02

  Why do you lie?

• 1:41:50Theo Von?

  I'm not lying, dude. I was thinking about lying.

• 1:41:52Speaker 02

  Okay. Anyway.

• 1:41:54Theo Von?

  And I said I'm not.

• 1:41:55Speaker 02

  So what'd you think of today's podcast?

• 1:41:58Theo Von?

  I thought it was good.

• 1:41:59Speaker 02

  Let's do a regroup, you know what I mean?

• 1:42:01Theo Von?

  Okay, let's go through some stuff. For one, yeah, I do feel... For one, I'm happy to get to see you.

• 1:42:08Theo Von?

  Oh, I do want to say also Brittany Schmidt's dog passed away. So...

• 1:42:12Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 1:42:13Theo Von?

  I think we can just say...

• 1:42:14Speaker 02

  So sorry.

• 1:42:15Theo Von?

  Brittany, we love you, and the dog's name was Biggie.

• 1:42:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:42:18Theo Von?

  And that, um, he's in, he's in a better place.

• 1:42:21Speaker 02

  My dog, Remy, passed away a month and a half ago.

• 1:42:24Theo Von?

  Oh. Did you have to...

• 1:42:26Speaker 02

  I did that. That was great.

• 1:42:28Theo Von?

  What?

• 1:42:29Speaker 02

  Nah.

• 1:42:29Theo Von?

  Did you have to have someone come over and help put it down? My friend just had to have that. My friend Tim, remember Bizzle, who you always fight with at the casino?

• 1:42:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where is he?

• 1:42:36Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 1:42:36Speaker 02

  He's the one that's trying to shit with me on fucking line, dude.

• 1:42:39Theo Von?

  Dude, he just texted me earlier today.

• 1:42:40Speaker 02

  He just texted me today. This is what he said. Can I tell you what, Bizzle, is this him?

• 1:42:44Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:42:45Speaker 02

  Hold on, this piece of shit. Dude. I'm not even joking, the text he sent, he goes, tell that motherfucker to wash his ass. That's what he said.

• 1:42:53Theo Von?

  Okay, this is what he, this is what he said.

• 1:42:54Speaker 02

  What are the odds of that?

• 1:42:55Theo Von?

  He goes, bro, you trying to beef with me saying I invite this shit? Don't come into the studio today trying to start beef, or you're gonna get God. Type shit.

• 1:43:04Speaker 02

  Where is that guy?

• 1:43:05Theo Von?

  Huh?

• 1:43:06Speaker 02

  I wanna get God, I wanna see what that means.

• 1:43:08Theo Von?

  He's in.

• 1:43:08Speaker 02

  You know, because I'm gonna tell you this right now, dude. He's pussified.

• 1:43:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I'll destroy him. Okay?

• 1:43:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:15Speaker 02

  He's strong, right? But I have ways. I'll go nom, dude.

• 1:43:19Theo Von?

  I think you could.

• 1:43:19Speaker 02

  I'll build a tunnel and a pathway.

• 1:43:21Theo Von?

  Oh, so it's okay for you to go nom and just completely?

• 1:43:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, we can do it.

• 1:43:25Theo Von?

  Be a culture vulture.

• 1:43:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, we can be a culture vulture. Yeah, I'll go nom.

• 1:43:29Theo Von?

  My stepfather can't walk back in.

• 1:43:31Speaker 02

  He's a white, he's a confused white, no.

• 1:43:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a difference between being Asian, right? And being confused white, guy.

• 1:43:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:43:40Speaker 02

  You're right? I'm just trying to be philosophical, guy.

• 1:43:43Theo Von?

  I know there is.

• 1:43:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:45Theo Von?

  It just breaks my heart.

• 1:43:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, what?

• 1:43:47Theo Von?

  It breaks my heart.

• 1:43:48Speaker 02

  It breaks my heart that we can't like, you know, get closer and with that divide, dude.

• 1:43:51Theo Von?

  I know, we're gonna do it better.

• 1:43:53Speaker 02

  Next time we'll do it better, dude.

• 1:43:54Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think this is one of those.

• 1:43:55Speaker 02

  I'll, I'll, go ahead, sorry.

• 1:43:57Theo Von?

  I think this is one of those times where it's like, yeah, we kinda hit a spot where it's like, okay, yeah, sometimes I do feel pressure, like if we're, if like, yeah, it's like you get, you get clips that are viral and like you do see that, you can't even not see it, and it's like, and then like people, every time, you know, you'll be somewhere, like there's a video somewhere, there's a funeral and the guy is yelling, Bobby at it, you know, like?

• 1:44:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:44:16Theo Von?

  It's like, what can you do? But it's like, yeah, you do feel some pressure and it's not, and that, those.

• 1:44:19Speaker 02

  That's why I've been avoiding it.

• 1:44:21Theo Von?

  But that, what I'm saying, right, but those moments aren't like, it's not fair to, it's not fair for me to bring in, like, I, I, I thought about that before you came. I thought about, yeah. Great listening. I thought about that before you came and I said, God, like, let's, let me just have a, this is so stupid, they're even thinking about this.

• 1:44:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:44:40Theo Von?

  But let me just have a nice conversation with my friend and let, and let me have a new experience.

• 1:44:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:44:44Theo Von?

  With my friend.

• 1:44:44Speaker 02

  And I felt the same way driving here, like, I've been avoiding doing it with you, because there's just so much pressure on it. You know what I mean?

• 1:44:52Theo Von?

  But we had so much fun when I came into Bad Friends.

• 1:44:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:44:55Theo Von?

  How great was that?

• 1:44:55Speaker 02

  That was great. You know what I mean? But we might have not gotten anything today.

• 1:44:59Theo Von?

  Well, it took me 600 episodes even invited over there. If you go on and really wanna look at the calendar. But I know you guys are busy.

• 1:45:08Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, no, look at me right now, dude.

• 1:45:10Theo Von?

  That's tragic.

• 1:45:13Speaker 02

  I'll tell you this, um, we're not a guest driven show. We've had maybe ten guests in our whole, whatever the run.

• 1:45:21Theo Von?

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 1:45:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Um, we've had Jack Black, Shia, you know what I mean? Theo, we get the biggest people we can get to do the guests. What's that tall orange man who plays basketball?

• 1:45:33Theo Von?

  Women yam, no.

• 1:45:34Speaker 02

  No, what's that tall orange man that plays basketball?

• 1:45:36Speaker 03

  Blake Griffin.

• 1:45:37Speaker 02

  Blake Griffin?

• 1:45:37Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:45:38Speaker 02

  The tall orange, you know what I mean?

• 1:45:40Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:45:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:45:41Theo Von?

  Vitamin C, they call him.

• 1:45:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, the vitamin C, we got, when we got vitamins, we got it. You know what I mean? And we were lucky to have you. But it's like, it's not a personal thing.

• 1:45:50Theo Von?

  No, I didn't feel it.

• 1:45:50Speaker 02

  It's a scheduling thing.

• 1:45:51Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:45:52Speaker 02

  Yeah. And, um, so let me ask the boys in the, in the booth. What'd you think of today's episode?

• 1:46:00Speaker 03

  There are great moments and I just think you guys talk so naturally funny to each other. You don't realize what, there's gonna be some viral moment from this that we don't know.

• 1:46:08Speaker 02

  That's, that, okay, the good point, so you know what? Don't live in the results, we did it, you know what I mean? I think there are some things in there, you know what I mean?

• 1:46:16Theo Von?

  Yeah, we've, we had a good time.

• 1:46:17Speaker 02

  But if there isn't, fuck it.

• 1:46:18Theo Von?

  I just wanna have a good time with my friend.

• 1:46:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I, I had a good time at times.

• 1:46:21Theo Von?

  And that is true, yeah.

• 1:46:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I, I think that sometimes you're confused, but that's what I like about you.

• 1:46:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:26Speaker 02

  You know what I mean, you don't know what you're talking about.

• 1:46:29Theo Von?

  Well, but I'm trying to learn, man, and sometimes...

• 1:46:31Speaker 02

  And you're a learner, dude.

• 1:46:32Theo Von?

  Sometimes you help me, sometimes you don't.

• 1:46:35Speaker 02

  And I could say that same about you.

• 1:46:37Theo Von?

  And I cannot believe that David Spade put you on that movie poster.

• 1:46:40Speaker 02

  I think he did that. He said that you did that.

• 1:46:43Theo Von?

  No, we did not.

• 1:46:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, you did.

• 1:46:44Theo Von?

  I would never do that.

• 1:46:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, you would.

• 1:46:46Theo Von?

  I don't even know how to do freaking Photoshop, I don't even know how to Photoshop.

• 1:46:50Speaker 02

  No, it, your people, these guys know how. And I went to Spade, no, just listen, listen. I went to Spade and I go, dude, it's kinda fucking weird, I have like two lines in this movie and you put me in the center of this poster, and he goes, really? Fuck Theo.

• 1:47:05Theo Von?

  No, he didn't.

• 1:47:05Speaker 02

  That's what he said, dude.

• 1:47:08Speaker 02

  That's what he said.

• 1:47:10Theo Von?

  We should call him, should we call him?

• 1:47:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:47:12Theo Von?

  I don't think he'll answer.

• 1:47:15Theo Von?

  He's probably busy eating dinner or something, cause he has so much money.

• 1:47:18Speaker 02

  Oh, sushi, probably. It's always sushi with him. Have you noticed that?

• 1:47:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:47:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:47:23Theo Von?

  It is. With a lot of you guys.

• 1:47:30Theo Von?

  Let's see what he says. That's a nice picture of us.

• 1:47:39Speaker 02

  Let me call him.

• 1:47:40Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:47:45Theo Von?

  He could be taking a bath or whatever.

• 1:47:47Speaker 05

  Are you guys calling me together?

• 1:47:50Speaker 02

  No, what are you talking about? No?

• 1:47:51Speaker 05

  Oh, Theo just called me.

• 1:47:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you know what I love? You picked up for me and not him.

• 1:47:56Speaker 05

  I knew it.

• 1:47:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the fact that you picked up for me and you didn't pick up for Theo.

• 1:48:04Speaker 05

  No, I love Theo, but I'm at dinner.

• 1:48:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, but why would you pick up for me?

• 1:48:08Speaker 05

  Cause I knew you were in cahoots, I go, we got a situation.

• 1:48:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, well, just real quick, we want to clear something up, right?

• 1:48:15Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:48:15Speaker 02

  Alright, so when I said to you, you know what I mean? Why am I in the center of this poster? I only had three lines. And you said, "Oh, fucking Theo." So Theo did it.

• 1:48:24Speaker 05

  Oh, I did?

• 1:48:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, Theo did it.

• 1:48:25Speaker 05

  I don't think, I don't think Theo knew about it. I think it was, they just, somebody made it and they were exploiting you guys.

• 1:48:32Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:48:33Theo Von?

  They put me on it too.

• 1:48:35Speaker 02

  You're, you're the star of the movie!

• 1:48:38Theo Von?

  Who cares, Bobby?

• 1:48:39Speaker 02

  Oh, you're, you're right. Dave, I'm sorry, are you eating Asian food?

• 1:48:43Speaker 05

  I'm eating Asian food, yeah.

• 1:48:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I knew it. So, I love you dude, it's, no one's to blame. Thank you for putting me in the movie, I love you, okay?

• 1:48:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, and tell the waiter we're sorry for everything.

• 1:48:51Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:48:53Speaker 05

  I love you.

• 1:48:54Speaker 02

  Bye.

• 1:48:56Speaker 02

  It was you.

• 1:48:58Theo Von?

  It couldn't have been me because I don't even have Photoshop.

• 1:49:01Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:49:02Theo Von?

  It was somebody though, for sure.

• 1:49:04Speaker 02

  But did I guess that he was eating Asian food?

• 1:49:05Theo Von?

  But no, I do feel bad that I didn't ask. I should have asked specifically.

• 1:49:08Speaker 02

  I don't care dude, dude, it's...

• 1:49:09Theo Von?

  Well, I should have asked, I didn't really think about it. I think you would feel like...

• 1:49:12Speaker 02

  Bro, bro, bro, bro.

• 1:49:16Speaker 02

  I, I'm so grateful that you asked me to do something that you've been working on. I mean, what a blessing that is. You know, I just did an episode of, episode of a show of a friend, I can't say it, but, um... And he asked and I did it, you know what I mean? And, you know...

• 1:49:36Theo Von?

  I knew who it was, Peyton Manning.

• 1:49:38Speaker 02

  Okay. And...

• 1:49:41Theo Von?

  Was it he has a new show? You have a new show?

• 1:49:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, the bad show.

• 1:49:45Theo Von?

  And you didn't even tell me about it?

• 1:49:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, the bad show, game show. And then also my Hulu special comes out in November, my first special.

• 1:49:52Theo Von?

  Finally.

• 1:49:53Speaker 02

  Finally, yeah. And go check that out, but um.

• 1:49:56Theo Von?

  And what took so long, to be honest, when you really think about it? Was there a real reason that it kind of, that it did take you a while? Did you like, not like doing specials? Did you think it was like, not what it's about? Like, really, really?

• 1:50:05Speaker 02

  Well, it's so funny, ask yourself why I wouldn't do it.

• 1:50:10Theo Von?

  Why wouldn't he do it? Cause he didn't like to try, he doesn't, oh no?

• 1:50:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, because I've been doing the same act, you know what I mean? I slowly add jokes. It was just no hurry, really. You know what I mean? And it got to the point where it was like, I was on stage and I was like, I couldn't hear it anymore. Like, I don't care if it gets a laugh, like, I, I, I just gotta evolve. And so I penned a deal, I go, I'm gonna get all this out there, and it's gonna force me to write new shit.

• 1:50:39Theo Von?

  You penned a deal, are you fucking Thomas Jefferson or something?

• 1:50:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, yeah, yeah, I penned a deal, dude, like the Constitution.

• 1:50:44Theo Von?

  Thanks, my bad.

• 1:50:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I did it, and it went pretty good, and um, I'm gonna, when it comes out, I'm already writing away new shit.

• 1:50:53Theo Von?

  Let's go.

• 1:50:54Speaker 02

  Let's go, and I'm gonna, um, the next hour will be better. I think I'm evolving. I really do.

• 1:51:01Theo Von?

  I feel you, dude.

• 1:51:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, and so, um, that's why it took me so long. It was never, like, here's the thing about me, I don't know why, but, you know, I was a club guy. What I mean by that, I did comedy clubs. And I always sold out, even before podcasting, I would do well. So in my mind, there was like no hurry, I never thought about theaters or colosseums or anything like that. But I made a living, you know, playing, I mean, the yuck yucks or whatever, right?

• 1:51:28Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, there's so many great clubs.

• 1:51:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, so whatever. And now it's like, it's getting bigger, the audience, and I want to grow with my brand. And I want to expand, so that's what I'm doing.

• 1:51:40Theo Von?

  Yeah. That's cool, man.

• 1:51:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, man.

• 1:51:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, it's kinda crazy. It's like, evolving's kinda scary. It's all kinda spooky sometimes, like, like, like, growing up, you know? Does that make sense, kinda?

• 1:51:52Speaker 02

  You gotta live on the edge of your comfort zone.

• 1:51:55Theo Von?

  Fuck, yeah.

• 1:51:55Speaker 02

  That's how you grow. That's how great men make it. Take risks and go through the fire. And I've always been afraid of that, and I think, like we talked about earlier, silence. You know what I mean? That's all okay.

• 1:52:15Theo Von?

  That was almost great.

• 1:52:18Theo Von?

  But you know what is great, dude?

• 1:52:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:52:20Theo Von?

  Is seeing you.

• 1:52:21Speaker 02

  Really good to be here.

• 1:52:22Theo Von?

  Anytime I get to spend time with you, I feel lucky.

• 1:52:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:52:24Theo Von?

  And your new show starts when? When does it start so people can watch it?

• 1:52:27Speaker 02

  The Bad Game Show will start in probably September, October.

• 1:52:30Theo Von?

  Where's it gonna be?

• 1:52:31Speaker 02

  It's super funny. YouTube.

• 1:52:32Theo Von?

  Let's go.

• 1:52:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, and there's the, uh, deadline.

• 1:52:35Theo Von?

  All things comedy on the Bad Game Show. Dude, you guys look great.

• 1:52:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:52:39Theo Von?

  Holy frick.

• 1:52:40Speaker 02

  And we have guests on, and they, two guests compete against each other in games we developed.

• 1:52:45Theo Von?

  Dude, put me on the poster.

• 1:52:48Speaker 02

  You said no to the game show.

• 1:52:49Theo Von?

  Did I really?

• 1:52:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, you did.

• 1:52:51Theo Von?

  But you know what?

• 1:52:51Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:52:52Theo Von?

  Put me on the poster anyway.

• 1:52:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:52:54Theo Von?

  And I'll share that bitch.

• 1:52:55Speaker 02

  Alright, dude.

• 1:52:55Theo Von?

  Um...

• 1:52:56Speaker 02

  Alright, thanks for having me.

• 1:52:57Theo Von?

  Dude, I love you and thank you for being somebody that, uh...

• 1:52:59Speaker 02

  He just texted me again, Spade. He FaceTimed me.

• 1:53:04Theo Von?

  Let's see what he says, because he don't, he might be on some bullshit.

• 1:53:09Theo Von?

  Dude, he was in frickin' Dicky Roberts.

• 1:53:10Speaker 02

  I know, dude.

• 1:53:14Theo Von?

  Dude, you seen this laser puts a little cock on your shirt?

• 1:53:16Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:53:18Theo Von?

  Oh, that's the tits.

• 1:53:21Speaker 02

  Alright, I'm just gonna hang up.

• 1:53:22Theo Von?

  No, wait one more time. He's getting older.

• 1:53:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, so you, did you FaceTime me?

• 1:53:30Speaker 05

  I tried to.

• 1:53:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, here's Thee.

• 1:53:33Theo Von?

  What's up, dude?

• 1:53:36Speaker 05

  I was trying to save Theo and, like, get him out of that interview.

• 1:53:43Speaker 02

  There was no controversy?

• 1:53:45Speaker 05

  He texted me the fucking, uh, password, and I was like, "Oh, that means save him."

• 1:53:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, I did.

• 1:53:51Speaker 02

  Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So, thank you so much for that information. I'll see you soon. I love you. I'm gonna hang up the phone, okay? Alright, I love you, bud. No, no, no, I love you, I love you, bud. Alright, so...

• 1:54:08Speaker 02

  You did.

• 1:54:10Theo Von?

  Did I? To be continued.

• 1:54:12Speaker 02

  To be continued.