#571 - Adam Devine

Adam Devine is an actor, comedian, writer and director known for his roles in shows like “Workaholics”, “The Righteous Gemstones” and more. You can also check out his podcast “This is Important” with the other Workaholics guys. Adam Devine returns to talk about becoming a new dad (and embracing boat life), how he miraculously survived getting hit by a car as a kid, and a recent health scare that changed everything for him. Adam Devine: https://www.instagram.com/adamdevine/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ DraftKings: Download the DraftKings Pick Six app NOW and use code THEO to play $5, get $50 in Pick 6 credits. Better payouts. Bigger wins. Only with Pick6 from DraftKings. The Crown is yours. https://draftkings.com Ground News: Go to http://groundnews.com/theo to get 40% off the unlimited access Vantage plan. Valor Recovery: To learn more about Valor Recovery please visit them at https://valorrecoverycoaching.com or email them at [email protected] Blue Cube: Head over to https://BlueCubeBaths.com and get $1,000 off when you mention Theo’s name. Dave Ramsey: 💵 Check out The Ramsey Show https://www.ramseysolutions.com/shows/the-ramsey-show utm_source=this%20past%20weekend%20with%20theo%20von&utm_medium=audio&utm_campaign=theovon_trs_march_2025&utm_term=ramsey_network_bu&utm_content=theovon_trs_march_2025%20-%20shownotes%20-%20check%20out%20the%20ramsey%20show%20-%20032525#play ------------------------------------------------- Gambling Problem? Call one eight hundred gambler. Help is available for problem gambling. Call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven, or visit c c p g dot org in Connecticut. Must be eighteen plus, age and eligibility restrictions vary by jurisdiction. Pick6 not available everywhere, including New York and Ontario. Void where prohibited. One per new customer. Bonus awarded as non-withdrawable Pick Six Credits that expire in fourteen days. Limited time offer. See terms at pick six dot draftkings dot com slash promos. ------------------------------------------------- Music: “Shine” by Bishop Gunn Bishop Gunn - Shine ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: [email protected] Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Theo Von?

  You ever realize that you spent your entire morning thinking about lunch? It's 9 a.m. and somehow I'm already in negotiations with myself about how I'm gonna spend $20 on a sandwich at noon. And then I eat it, or you eat it, or somebody eats it, and then an hour later, you're just standing in the kitchen worrying about what you'll do for dinner. And that's one reason why I've been into Huell. The Black Edition Powder is a complete meal you have instead of food, not a shake on top of food. Their powder starts at less than $3 per meal, has 40 grams of protein, and mixes with water or milk in about 30 seconds. I like Huell's shakes because they're clean and it's quick.

• 0:41Theo Von?

  I just want to make sure I have everything I need to keep going the way I want to keep going in a healthy manner. So with Huell, basically, lunch went from a daily logistical problem to a thing I can solve in about 30 seconds. Make healthy eating simple. New customers get an exclusive offer of 15% off online with my code WEEKEND at huell.com/weekend. That's H-U-E-L dot com slash weekend. Thank you to Huell for partnering and supporting our show. We've got new merch. We've got these Onward hoodies. These are my favorite type of hoodie that we've ever used, the template, the material, the style of it. Um, I think they'll be your favorite as well.

• 1:25Theo Von?

  We're gonna try to focus on making sure that, um, the, the, the template is perfect. So that it just feels good and that you enjoy it and that you keep it and wear it for a long time. Um, yeah, those are really great. I want you to check them out. Uh, they're at theovonstore.com and, uh, thank you for your support if you choose to purchase one. Today's guest is an actor. He's a comedian, he's a writer. Um, he's, hell, he was hit by a damn car. Uh, you know him from Workaholics and The Righteous Gemstones. He has his own podcast with the guys from Workaholics called This Is Important. Um, it's always a fun time with my friend, Adam Devine.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  You just shower, is it the, uh, is it, uh, the rain that got you a little wet?

• 2:31Theo Von?

  I just showered unfortunately.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  It looks good on you.

• 2:34Theo Von?

  Really?

• 2:35Speaker 01

  I'm not afraid to say it. That wet look looks good on you, Theo.

• 2:38Theo Von?

  You think?

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not, I ain't lying.

• 2:41Theo Von?

  Let me see it, pull it up, let me get a gander at it.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't know.

• 2:44Theo Von?

  Oh, damn son.

• 2:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, just, I could just...

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Sorry.

• 2:52Theo Von?

  No, don't be, I like it. I haven't heard it in a while. I saw you stretching a few, a little bit, was that what I saw?

• 2:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, you did. You gotta stay limber for all the sitting we're doing. I'm getting at the age now where, uh, I can't sit for too long, dude.

• 3:06Theo Von?

  Really?

• 3:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, and that sucks.

• 3:08Theo Von?

  What do you mean?

• 3:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, just sitting, just fucking bothers me.

• 3:13Theo Von?

  It bother, yeah, uh, you know, I do notice, um, I thought about this, like, we're not supposed to just be sitting around, like, imagine if say you went in the woods, right?

• 3:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:21Theo Von?

  And you saw all the animals were having fun.

• 3:24Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 3:24Theo Von?

  Right?

• 3:25Speaker 01

  They always are.

• 3:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, most of them are, some of them are beating, killing, there's some...

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, some, some of them, but eating is fun though.

• 3:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're, yeah, most of them are having a good time.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, there's violence, a lot of it's by the streams.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 3:37Theo Von?

  And so you know, kind of...

• 3:39Speaker 01

  That's fun.

• 3:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, it's fun if you're into that.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I think most animals, and I'm also into water.

• 3:45Theo Von?

  But if you're into, but that's where things get violent is down there.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Oh shit.

• 3:48Theo Von?

  That's what I'm saying is, I think nature's a blast, right?

• 3:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:51Theo Von?

  You see it, they're herding, the animals, the woodpecker comes down, he's like, he makes noise and people are like, get the fuck out of here, we wanna sleep in.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  You don't think for him, that's kinda fun though? Just like, wake up motherfucker?

• 4:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, he's obviously been using or whatever, he's one of the...

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:08Theo Von?

  Animals that got a hold of a bag somewhere.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 4:11Theo Von?

  Who else is, who else is rolling up like that?

• 4:14Speaker 01

  Just so early, just slamming their head against a wall.

• 4:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, and then taking off.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:19Theo Von?

  Unless he's like Morse coding a message from the heavens, or from like ACDC or something, you know? But you know, I'm sure every animal, they all conjoinively hate that MF'er.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Conjoinively, I think they are.

• 4:33Theo Von?

  When they see, unless one person had to get up early for work and then he's like, guys, I had to invite him.

• 4:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. And this, we also, we started to talk about this because of stretching.

• 4:43Theo Von?

  We, I'm just saying, so stretching like is, um, oh, you said sitting down.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:48Theo Von?

  So I'm just saying, yeah, I don't know if we're supposed to be sitting down. Like say if you went into nature.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 4:53Theo Von?

  And you saw a bunch of animals. They're doing stuff, scratching their backs on trees, eating berries and tickling each other, whatever. And then there's one animal off to the side who's sitting in a chair. And he's vaping or working on his computer.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 5:07Theo Von?

  You'd be like, that Anna, something's not right.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Something's not, he's gonna have some achy hips.

• 5:12Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  Cause humans, they weren't sitting back in the day.

• 5:16Theo Von?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  I mean, rocks, they're, they're not comfortable. We have all these, we've made all these comfy chairs, get us all sloven.

• 5:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  Right? So that's, that's what I, I, I live in Orange County, so I drove up here to do this, among some other things, but I drove up here and it's took like an hour, 40 minutes. And I, and then I get out of my car and my hips are like.

• 5:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, my body starts to, the top starts to lean forward. I was my body, my, my top half of my body will start to lean forward like that.

• 5:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, you know, I, um, my body fell apart, dude. You know, I was hit by a cement truck when I was a kid.

• 5:53Theo Von?

  Were you really?

• 5:54Speaker 01

  I was, dude.

• 5:55Theo Von?

  And how full were, or was it, had it already?

• 5:56Speaker 01

  It was a full cement truck.

• 5:58Theo Von?

  No way.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  Even if it wasn't a full cement truck, cause that's still fucked up, but it was a full one, dude.

• 6:02Theo Von?

  Full ones really bad.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  It was, uh, I think 32 tons, something like that.

• 6:07Theo Von?

  Oh my god.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude. It's, it hit me. I ran o- over the, like the first, yeah, under the, the wheels. And then spit me out. I flew 500 feet, dude.

• 6:18Theo Von?

  You're lying.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  Mm-mm. Truths.

• 6:20Theo Von?

  Oh my god. What's the longest field goal ever kicked? That's insane. Bring that up.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. I probably, I mean, has to be more than 500. No? Maybe not. How long is the 66 yards? So quick math. Uh, I think that's a thousand feet. Quick math. No, what is that? Hundred eighty-eight. Hundred eighty-eight? Oh my god. So that's like more than double.

• 6:40Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 6:41Theo Von?

  Oh my god.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 6:43Theo Von?

  What did you land in?

• 6:44Speaker 01

  I skidded up this, like up the street or down the street, however it goes. And I was hit in one county and I landed in another county.

• 6:56Theo Von?

  Nah-uh.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  Because the street was like the dividing line between the counties.

• 6:59Theo Von?

  Still counts?

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Yes, still counts as a cool factoid.

• 7:03Theo Von?

  And is this the style you got hit by? Where'd you get hit by?

• 7:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was a similar style. Yeah, so I got taken under those wheels.

• 7:08Theo Von?

  Those Peterbilt are nice, huh?

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a solid truck.

• 7:11Theo Von?

  Um, and what happened? Were you, because I have a friend who got hit by a train, right?

• 7:15Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:15Theo Von?

  And he's doing-

• 7:16Speaker 01

  Not as funny.

• 7:17Theo Von?

  Uh, oh yeah, I agree.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:19Theo Von?

  He was doing great. He was listening to, I think, a lot of Smore said or something, walking with his headphones on.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  And he's like, isn't this ironic?

• 7:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 7:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, well.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Uh, don't you think?

• 7:31Theo Von?

  Well, because it's like-

• 7:32Speaker 01

  The craziest-

• 7:33Theo Von?

  Listening to my song getting hit by train.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  Craziest thing was he'd been listening also to Train earlier. See, that would actually be ironic, yeah.

• 7:45Theo Von?

  But I think, but that joke only works if he had been listening to Train earlier.

• 7:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we dialed that one in.

• 7:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, we did a good job. But yeah, you believe that they're noise cancelling and then you're like, no, they're not that noise cancelling. He couldn't hear a train coming.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  That's-

• 8:01Theo Von?

  And so that-

• 8:02Speaker 01

  That's wild.

• 8:02Theo Von?

  But it's effective, is all I'm saying. Those heavens are effective.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:05Theo Von?

  So you're walking, where are you when this happens?

• 8:09Speaker 01

  I was, it was Omaha, Nebraska, and we were going across the, uh, street to get candy or whatever. And I mean, true facts, where we were going to, like, we would steal pages out of Playboy or Penthouse magazines and we were like, you know, twelve, eleven, eleven. And, uh, so that was our move. We would go there, we'd rip out, I don't know why we didn't just steal the magazine.

• 8:38Theo Von?

  Because the ripping is, sounds loud.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  It's way louder, but in- Little kid brain, I was like, it's not as bad if we only steal a few pages.

• 8:45Theo Von?

  That's fair.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  Like it's where we're gonna get in less trouble if we get caught.

• 8:48Theo Von?

  Right, like I got one page.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  I only got a couple pages. I'm like, I got like half a tit here, mom.

• 8:53Theo Von?

  A magazine.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  It's just a magazine. You still have the rest.

• 8:56Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, and they say they they buy it for the articles, mom. So I left the articles. So we would do that. And so my one friend was across the street, or my two friends were across the street. And they say, come on. And I took that as coast is clear.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Coast wasn't clear. Yeah, three cement trucks are going up the hill as two are coming down. And I couldn't see the other side of the street. We, it was like suburbs or new houses were sprouting up all over. So three were coming up, two were coming down. He yells, come on. I'm like, take his word for it. Walked out behind the third cement truck. Boom, bam, hot damn.

• 9:34Theo Von?

  Did you even have a second to see it, or you just lights out?

• 9:38Speaker 01

  I don't remember it. This is, this is all what people have told me. My friend could have thrown me in front of the cement truck for all I know, but I don't, I don't think so. Danny Hendrix did not try to murder me, I don't think, so.

• 9:49Theo Von?

  Danny?

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:50Theo Von?

  Or Dan, Denty?

• 9:54Speaker 01

  Or Dan T? Yeah.

• 9:57Theo Von?

  Sounds like he may have to me.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe.

• 9:59Theo Von?

  I don't know him.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  I don't think so. He's a good guy.

• 10:01Theo Von?

  Is he? What does he do now?

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Uh, he, I mean dude, I don't know what he does right now. Danny Hendrix, there he is. Wow, great job, dude. Staffing ninja, helps the medical labs locate and attract exceptional talent. So that's, you know, he's got a real job.

• 10:16Theo Von?

  That's cool.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  He's got a nice smile.

• 10:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, he does. Very nice, huh?

• 10:19Speaker 01

  Handsome guy, he's got.

• 10:20Theo Von?

  Well, he didn't have to put his smile back together off of a street curb either.

• 10:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's true. Like I had to cobble myself together back together, but, but, uh. Yeah, so from that, all those injuries, I, uh, am now like, my body's just all fucked up.

• 10:37Theo Von?

  Well, how long, how long were you in that? Were you in the hospital for me?

• 10:40Speaker 01

  I was in for like a month and a half, but then I had like. Two dozen surgeries within a short. Dude, my legs are all fucked up. Look at this. It looks like uncooked chicken. Can I show you?

• 10:51Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Does it gross you out?

• 10:52Theo Von?

  Well, it's okay. I can see it.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:55Theo Von?

  Wow, okay.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  That's the real deal right there.

• 10:57Theo Von?

  That's a flat.

• 10:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, that looks like some uncooked chicken meats.

• 11:01Theo Von?

  Damn, homie's got a flat on there.

• 11:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:03Theo Von?

  And is that a... Wow, can I touch that?

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, touch that.

• 11:07Theo Von?

  Oh my god, that's magic.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  It's really smooth, right? This is what like, like older ladies, this is what they want their skin, not to look like, but to feel like.

• 11:15Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  Right?

• 11:16Theo Von?

  Touching. Oh, that's off-road skin.

• 11:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. But that's kind of smooth, right?

• 11:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Touch that again. I don't think you're getting, yeah.

• 11:23Theo Von?

  Let me touch the underside.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, get the underbelly of it. I can't feel that, Theo.

• 11:27Theo Von?

  Underside tickles me a little, touching it.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  Um, I can't feel that.

• 11:30Theo Von?

  You can't really?

• 11:31Speaker 01

  No.

• 11:32Theo Von?

  So a lot of nerve damage? Like, was that thing just hanging on with happening? Because that looks kind of rekindled.

• 11:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, both. And then this side isn't as bad.

• 11:39Theo Von?

  That one has a dip in, it looks like.

• 11:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is, because this is like the actual muss, muscle. And then it dips, dips here.

• 11:45Theo Von?

  Oh my god. You know what it reminds me of? That Body Wars thing that comes to all the, um, the exhibits, you know, Body World? I think it's called Body World, I believe, which, and it's also, Body World is pretty incredible, man. It is kind of fascinating. There's one where they spliced a pregnant person.

• 12:01Speaker 01

  You have to.

• 12:05Theo Von?

  Oh, you have to splice a pregnant person.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  That's a good way to do a gender reveal, I think, but...

• 12:11Theo Von?

  The exhibit is set up so that one starts at the skeletal system. Um, it's an exhibition showcasing human bodies that have been preserved through a process called plastination.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 12:22Theo Von?

  And dissected to display bodily systems. It opened in Tampa.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 12:27Theo Von?

  Which is...

• 12:28Speaker 01

  I wouldn't have expected that.

• 12:30Theo Von?

  Tampa is, they allow a lot of stuff.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it seems like a, I mean, it seems like a thing that would, that would sprout up in like Boston. Like some Harvard people were like, yo, let's start up this thing.

• 12:42Theo Von?

  Right.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  You know, Tampa... Doesn't feel like it should.

• 12:46Theo Von?

  That's a good point.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  You know, but.

• 12:47Theo Von?

  They may have won it. Somebody won it in a lawsuit. I think it probably had to start in Florida, maybe based on legalities or something.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was. It was a divorce.

• 12:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, like. Somebody wanted. Well, I'm I'm keeping the exhibit. So. That idea we had, I'm keeping that and I'm I'm running with it. So.

• 13:04Theo Von?

  The exhibit displays internal organs and organic systems, body stage and active poses and fetuses in various stages of development.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  It opened in 1995. Guess when I was ran over, dude? 1995.

• 13:17Theo Von?

  You're lying.

• 13:17Speaker 01

  Uh uh. Oh, my God. Maybe they read about me in the paper and were like, we, hey, I have an idea.

• 13:23Theo Von?

  Yeah. Let's take this show on the road.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Let's take it on the road, dude. Yeah, I thought I'm I'm I wonder if I I won't shut up about getting hit by a symmetric. I hope I didn't. Hope I didn't retell that story.

• 13:34Theo Von?

  It's fascinating, man. No, I don't think so at all. And here's a little bit of real body exhibit and you just get to see the texture. That's what this reminds you of it. You have a very kind of beef jerky from the knees down.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  But smooth, but smooth.

• 13:46Theo Von?

  No, it's nice.

• 13:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's not. It's not a hard jerky.

• 13:50Theo Von?

  Well, it just also seems mu- you seem strong.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  Thank you. Thank you for saying that.

• 13:55Theo Von?

  Do you think your body had to, your legs had to be stronger after this because?

• 13:59Speaker 01

  It was a ton of physical, like years and years and years of physical therapy. And what sucks now, dude, is I'm back in the physical therapy grind.

• 14:08Theo Von?

  Because of it?

• 14:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, whatever happened like three years ago, I was shooting this show in Germany and I like was wiggling around and I like kicked my leg up. And, uh, like I I was like ping and something pinged down here in my groin. I was like, ah, I got my balls popping out. You know, like you have a hernia and like my insides are oozing out, not oozing out.

• 14:31Theo Von?

  They're like.

• 14:32Speaker 01

  So then it was just something like got tweaked and then it was just like bing, bing, bing, bing, and the muscles all up, all got fucked up. And so I I had two surgeries. I was like, it's my hips. I'm gonna have. So I got hip surgeries on each side. It wasn't the hips.

• 14:46Theo Von?

  No.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  So it's been three years of like trying to cobble my body back together and I was so fucked up and I was so tight and tense and I was getting these spasms. I went to the doctor. The doctor, one month before my son was born, was like, you're dying. Swear to God, Theo, he goes, you have stiff person syndrome, which is a real disease. It sounds like a boner joke, but it is not. And he's like, you got stiff person syndrome.

• 15:10Theo Von?

  No.

• 15:11Speaker 01

  And that essentially, the like, average lifespan of someone with stiff person syndrome is like five or six years.

• 15:18Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  And I was like, I'm dying, I'm dying. So for a solid couple of months, I was like, my, my son is just born.

• 15:26Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  I'm going to die.

• 15:28Theo Von?

  And what are you feeling like? You feel like a gingerbread cookie kinda style? Or like, how stiff are you at that point?

• 15:33Speaker 01

  I, I'm a lot better now. I was so stiff, I couldn't like, I could hurt, I like, I would move and everything would go crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack, crack. And it hurts to just move at all. And I would have these crazy spasms. And like, it would, and it would happen in my stomach sometimes, and it looks like I'm pregnant, like a little fucking

• 15:52Theo Von?

  No.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  arm is, is pushing out. It was wild.

• 15:55Theo Von?

  Bring some of that up, stiff person syndrome, this is a real, um.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  It's a real, Celine Dion has it.

• 16:00Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  So then, so then, uh, I, I go through all this testing, and then they were like, you know, we don't think you have this. We think this is from your accident. And I'm like, o- okay, thank God, I don't have this. And then I go through another six months, I'm on the set of The Righteous Gemstones, I'm not getting any better, in fact, I'm getting worse. And I tell Danny, I'm like, dude, I have to dip, I have to go see the, the stiff person syndrome guy. And it was so scary, because he's the guy that's gonna tell me if I actually have it or not.

• 16:30Theo Von?

  Oh, really?

• 16:31Speaker 01

  And I'm there, it's after hours, and, uh, they, they saw me special, you know? And I just hear his little click clack, click clack of his o- old man doctor shoes, and he comes and he has those eyebrows that are like

• 16:43Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 16:43Speaker 01

  wizard-like, you know?

• 16:45Theo Von?

  Eyebrows that like a bird'll land on one?

• 16:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely. And you know if you have eyebrows like that, you're like, you have wisdom, right?

• 16:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, definitely. If, yeah, people who trim their eyebrows are obviously dumb as fuck.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're not, yeah.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, you, you gotta let those things sprout. If you're lucky enough to have some wiry brows. And so, he comes, and luckily, he tells me, I do not have it. So, thank God. But it was like a wild ride, where I'm like, I think I'm dying. Now, now I'm like- Ah, it's from my accident. It sucks, but hopefully I can get better.

• 17:17Theo Von?

  So some of the mental fear is is gone away because you got the verdict.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  And then I think from that, some of the physical has gotten a little better because the mental, because I'm not just like, because I wasn't sleeping. I was sleeping like three hours a night. I was just going online, sitting on the toilet and watching TikTok videos of like people with like that are like, I'm living with stiff person syndrome and it's, I'm living an okay life. And you're like, oh, this is.

• 17:43Theo Von?

  I'm doing good.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  It's like, I'm doing good.

• 17:46Theo Von?

  Yeah, somebody set me on a counter so I can look at the children or whatever.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, totally, totally. You're like Elf on a Shelf, dude. That's exactly what it was. And I'm like, and it's, I feel so bad for these people. And also in turn, I'm like, this is gonna be me, dude. I'm gonna like, my wife is just gonna have to like wheel me into the living room as I watch my like little son walk for the, his first steps, you know, I think it's gonna go like that, but luckily it's not. So that's been, since I saw you last, dude.

• 18:15Theo Von?

  That's what you've been doing.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  What I've been doing.

• 18:17Theo Von?

  And that's so stressful, I can imagine, man. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, dude. That's unbelievable. And where you started, like.

• 18:24Speaker 01

  So that's why I was stretching. That's why.

• 18:26Theo Von?

  Well, you can get dysplasia too. That's one of the things that.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Um, so dogs get a lot.

• 18:30Theo Von?

  Well, a lot of Australian shepherds get it. My friend Scott has an Australian, uh, shepherd.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  People say I'm an Australian shepherd as a human.

• 18:38Theo Von?

  Hmm, I could see that a little bit. Dysplasia refers to abnormal development of growth of cells or tissues, which can be mild, moderate, or severe, and can sometimes be a precursor to cancer.

• 18:47Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 18:47Theo Von?

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  I didn't know that. I thought that was when your, your, your hips get all tight.

• 18:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, let's look up hip dysplasia.

• 18:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Hip dysplasia.

• 18:55Theo Von?

  This guy's trying to upsell us.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  I thought that was all, would that always be like a kind of a cool name for like a nineties hip hop group?

• 19:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, you know.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  Hip dysplasia.

• 19:05Theo Von?

  Yeah. Hip dysplasia, a condition where the hip joint does not develop properly.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:10Theo Von?

  Um, resulting in abnormal fit between the ball and socket of the hip.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  Oh, mm-hmm.

• 19:15Theo Von?

  The exact cause of hip dysplasia is unknown, but it may be related to genetics.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 19:21Theo Von?

  Uh, position during pregnancy and a history of hip dysplasia in a family.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Don't have that. Thank God.

• 19:26Theo Von?

  God, dude.

• 19:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:27Theo Von?

  Now, were there things, were you ever gonna roll out your legs and stuff? Like, tell me some of, where there's.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  I roll out every day.

• 19:32Theo Von?

  Dude, I have to roll out.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I carry around like the ball. The ball I really fuck with. Uh, I do. Acupuncture once a week. I do body work at least once a week. I do a thing called functional patterns, which is it teaches you like how to stand proper, properly using weights and different kinds of things. And then I do regular physical therapy. And that's about it right now. But like, and then I do chiropractor that hooks me up with like this machine that zaps you, you know, like a TENS unit, like a stem pads.

• 20:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 20:08Speaker 01

  But like, this is supposedly like the hot shit machine that zaps you even more. I don't know even what it does, but I'm like doing everything. So like right now, when I'm not currently working on a project, it's like five days a week, all week.

• 20:24Theo Von?

  Physical therapy.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  Every week, physical therapy type stuff. Yeah.

• 20:28Theo Von?

  Man.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:29Theo Von?

  That's like having another child. It's almost like having another child. It's like having to take care of yourself like that is really extensive.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  It's so annoying. And then like I might do this movie and it shoots in South Africa.

• 20:41Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  And I'm like running around and it's like an action sort of move. And I'm like, oh, am I gonna fuck myself up again? So now I'm like looking at projects with little side eye going like, can I handle this shit?

• 20:52Theo Von?

  Yeah. What about a calm project?

• 20:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I need a nice chill, like.

• 20:56Theo Von?

  But peeping Tom type of thing.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Oh, if I could get a peeping Tom gig, dude. That's where I'd really shine.

• 21:02Theo Von?

  Hit him on the ladder!

• 21:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. If I'm just perched up in a, in a tree, but I have like a nice chair, like a deer stand.

• 21:09Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 21:09Speaker 01

  You know, and I, but it's just me and just like oogling someone. That'd be a good gig, dude. It's Sydney Sweeney or someone in it. I don't know.

• 21:18Theo Von?

  Or your wife.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:24Theo Von?

  But look, it's just acting.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just acting on.

• 21:28Theo Von?

  Babe. Oh yeah. If you got January Johns in there, you got, uh, who else can you?

• 21:33Speaker 01

  A lot of people, a lot of people, dude. Rear Window, that's a.

• 21:36Theo Von?

  That's in Hitchcock, wasn't it? Rear Window?

• 21:38Speaker 01

  I think so. Yeah.

• 21:39Theo Von?

  Rear Window, I think was about butt stuff, wasn't it? That was an early.

• 21:43Speaker 01

  An early anal film. One of the first anal films.

• 21:47Theo Von?

  I think it was about proctology. It was like a proctologist.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  Oh, I didn't know. Yeah.

• 21:52Theo Von?

  A proctologist can't get his act together.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:58Theo Von?

  Um, man, that's so wild. Thanks for sharing that, dude.

• 22:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:01Theo Von?

  When you were a kid, how long did it affect you? Like, say after the accident happened, how long did it like, was it like a daily thing that affected you probably?

• 22:08Speaker 01

  Oh, for sure. I, I couldn't walk for about two years. And then, but then eighth grade, your homie played football.

• 22:16Theo Von?

  Uh-uh.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 22:17Theo Von?

  Really?

• 22:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was so bad, dude. Um, but they were like, yeah, he could play. And then it was just, they made me an offensive lineman. Dude.

• 22:27Theo Von?

  Well, I guess if you can't move.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  I can't move. It was just like, but I was pretty strong from all the physical therapy.

• 22:31Theo Von?

  You said go around on it?

• 22:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. Don't hit me. Yeah, just play it. Uh, but my mom, my mom was like so worried about me, right? So she put shin guards on me and arm guards on me. So I was hitting people like, bah, bah.

• 22:48Theo Von?

  You're like, like a soccer player.

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, I would, my dad was like, take your elbow and jam it underneath their, their chin. So it's just me going like, ding, and they're like, oh. Uh, and I actually, I was like, kinda decent, like.

• 23:01Theo Von?

  It worked, you worked, dude.

• 23:03Speaker 01

  It worked.

• 23:05Theo Von?

  You were the only guy out there.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  Who was just fucking high-ying.

• 23:09Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:10Theo Von?

  What? That's crazy, dude. And the devilishness of your father to then.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  My dad's a dirty dog, man.

• 23:17Theo Von?

  To guide you like that.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh, my dad, like, I don't know how your parents were, but my dad, I remember as a kid, uh, I was getting bullied, you know, a little bit.

• 23:27Theo Von?

  I'm sure, dude.

• 23:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, but before, before the accident.

• 23:30Theo Von?

  Uh, before?

• 23:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was, I don't know. It was just like, there was a bully, right? And, and, and my dad was like, dude, is, does he, uh, he picks on you? Is he a lot bigger than you? And I'm like, he's way bigger than, he was held back a grade. So this guy was like a fucking monster.

• 23:46Theo Von?

  Insane.

• 23:46Speaker 01

  And it was in like fourth grade.

• 23:47Theo Von?

  He's held back.

• 23:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was held back. He's a big dummy.

• 23:50Theo Von?

  Just let the dumb go with their friends.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  Let him go.

• 23:53Theo Von?

  That's the scary part when you keep, you're like, hey, this kid's kinda dumb.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  Now he's gonna be, now he's mad.

• 23:57Theo Von?

  Now he's angry.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Because everyone knows he's stupid.

• 24:00Theo Von?

  Yeah, he's angry and dumb.

• 24:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. So now he's in my grade and, and he.

• 24:05Theo Von?

  Fee, fi, fo, fa.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  That's a good, yeah. I smell the blood of Adam. Uh, and then he is like picking on me and my dad was like, Hit him as hard as you can in the face and then run away. He's like that, like try to knock him the fuck out and then. He's bigger than you and I'm like, uh huh. He's like, then get out of there.

• 24:27Theo Von?

  Right.

• 24:27Speaker 01

  So the next day I was like, he was picking on me and I'm just like, and I punched him right in the nose. Did not knock him out. Uh, but he didn't attack. He cried like a bitch.

• 24:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, he did.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then, uh, and then he, and then I think I became his bully. Which in turn, I've actually heard, I've told this story on, on my podcast. This is important. And I told that story and then I found through the grapevine that. He thinks that I was his bully. He doesn't remember bullying me. He only remembers me bullying him afterwards. Cause afterwards I just took my dad's advice. So he was like. Talking shit in class. I just got out a book and hit him in the back of the head.

• 25:09Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 25:09Speaker 01

  Yeah. And like, he was talking shit at, at the top of the stairs. I fucking kicked him and he fell down the stairs. It dislocated his shoulder. Yeah, dude. So I think I was like fucking really violent.

• 25:20Theo Von?

  Yeah. It sounds like you don't remember things correctly.

• 25:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  I did, it does.

• 25:26Theo Von?

  A violent guy.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  It does, it does. But I thought in my head, he's the aggressor. Maybe not. Maybe I'm the, a little piece of shit, but I thought I was in the right, but I was like, I'm smaller. So I have to be more violent or else I'm gonna, I'm gonna be the one getting my ass kicked. So.

• 25:45Theo Von?

  We, yeah, we had a kid at after school care. We went to a religious after school care. Cause it was, they would donate it to you if you prayed a lot or something. So my mom would get a couple of prayers in and then you got free care for the kids or whatever.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  Good deal.

• 25:56Theo Von?

  Oh yeah. So she was hitting the, um. Urinal or something. No, it's not a urinal. What is it? Where you pray.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  Confessional.

• 26:01Theo Von?

  Confessional, right?

• 26:02Speaker 01

  Way, way different than urinal.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  God, I, I hope this, God, please make this piss come out right. I'm so sorry.

• 26:14Theo Von?

  No, it's okay, dude. Um, but yeah, so, um, yeah, she would put up, she would like make a bunch of deposits in the confessional or whatever. And then, uh, they gave you free childcare for the after school, right? And we had this one kid named Jeep was his name. He was named after a vehicle, right?

• 26:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:30Theo Von?

  So they named him Jeep. And I was like, well, that's not how it works, but.

• 26:34Speaker 01

  That is it.

• 26:34Theo Von?

  My buddy Scott's daddy was like, you know what? If he, he'd be mean to you, go up on that upper deck and, uh, hum a piece of concrete off at him.

• 26:42Speaker 01

  And did you do that?

• 26:43Theo Von?

  I don't remember if we did it or not, but I just remember that advice being like, that is-

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Aggressive advice.

• 26:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:49Theo Von?

  But yeah, Jeep was problematic and he would body slam other kids and stuff.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, that sucks dude. Yeah, so-

• 26:55Theo Von?

  But everybody had a bully, man. Um, but you talked about it on a new podcast. You have a new podcast? Wait, I know this with, um, the guys from Workaholics. You guys started a new podcast.

• 27:03Speaker 01

  That's right. It's not new. We've been doing it a while now, but, uh-

• 27:06Theo Von?

  But did you repick it up or something?

• 27:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, we, we've just, we don't promote it. So, uh, we've just been doing it in silence.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, no one knows about it. Uh, it's called This Is Important, but it's, yeah, me and the Workaholics guys, it's super fun.

• 27:23Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's, it's fun dude.

• 27:25Theo Von?

  And what a way to keep that thing alive. What a way to keep an experience alive.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just a fun way to get together. It was during the pandemic, actually, we started it and we were like, dude, we never see each other anymore. We're bored. Let's just crank this bitch out.

• 27:40Theo Von?

  Bring up a photo of the gang right there on the pod.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, This Is Important. We're actually pitching a, a new show together. Yeah, so the boys might be back.

• 27:50Theo Von?

  Dude, that's so cool.

• 27:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're, yeah, we're-

• 27:53Theo Von?

  What a great group you got with, too.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:55Theo Von?

  And it's fun. It's rare that a sh- you have a show, right? Like Workaholics, which was such a hit. And then you now get to have an experience where you guys are still kinda together, even podcasting, right? And with Gemstone's ending, what's it like when something like big like that ends? Like, what's it like when a project that you've done for a few years ends? Like, I know even just doing a small movie that it was like the last day, it felt like the last day of school. It was like, and we weren't even, and we were kinda close, but it'd only been, you know, maybe 30 days, but this is years of your life. What's that?

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Dude, it's way different. Like a movie, doing movies is so fun, right? Like, it's a, it's a lot of work, like way more work than people think. They, they think it's all glitz and glamour. It kinda sucks.

• 28:40Theo Von?

  It's a nightmare.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a lot.

• 28:41Theo Von?

  It really is a nightmare. To living, you're up and you're down and you're up and you're down. You're almost like a zombie that has to do some stuff.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  I love it though. I, I, I love like putting all the little pieces together and you feel like you're the quarterback. Football team and you know, the whole crew's working together and everybody's working for one common goal. Uh, but then when it's wraps, a, a movie, you really only spent like a two months together or however long. And so it's like saying goodbye and it's, you know, it's, it's difficult because you made friends with some of these people. But then on a TV show, it's years and years of your life.

• 29:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  And you really form like real friendships with some of these people. So I like that better in the way that you're like some of these crew people I'm going to know for the rest of my life. And then, uh, it's just nice to build a relationship. So that's what I love about TV and I'm like, I'm trying to pitch another show with the Work Hogs guys and working on a few other projects that I hope I can get off the ground. TV wise, because it's nice just to have something that you can come back to every year and grow with the characters. And you know, have it morph over time, like gemstones ending, like that show was a wild ride, dude. It, it got us through the pandemic, through us, through two strikes, through all these ups and downs, all this turmoil. It was nice to come back and have this be,

• 30:01Speaker 01

  you know, kind of home base. And I know you just, uh, recorded with Danny a couple of weeks ago.

• 30:06Theo Von?

  Yeah, it was great.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  Oh, isn't he the best dude?

• 30:08Theo Von?

  He's so great. I, I was a little bit nervous. I wish I had just talked about more regular stuff. We talked about like, some family stuff. It was great. It was great. You know, you just always kind of have your druthers, you know?

• 30:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:18Theo Von?

  But I didn't know, I had no clue who he's going to be like, there's not a ton of stuff out there about him.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  Well, he, he likes to be mysterious, you know?

• 30:25Theo Von?

  And it's good. He does a great job of it. And he was talking about how like by not having social media and all that kind of stuff, it just keeps him, it lets him have his brain space for himself. He's like, you have to have time to be kind of just where your brain's not doing anything, you know?

• 30:37Speaker 01

  And he's so good about like, doing what he does and not feel, I think it's so easy just to be like, I have to be everywhere. I have to be doing. And I, I feel this way sometimes. I'm like, why don't I have a Snapchat presence? Like fucking Snap, who am I?

• 30:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 30:54Speaker 01

  I'm not, I'm not like a 14 year old TikTok girl, like.

• 30:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, you'd be a pedophile if you had one.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't need to be a pedophile. I just want to, everyone's doing it.

• 31:06Theo Von?

  It is Hollywood.

• 31:07Speaker 01

  It's Hollywood, man.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, so he's, and he's just the coolest boss, man. He was so fun. Yeah. You know, you meet him and you're like, I was the same way. You're a little, on your heels, you're a little intimidated, right? Cause he's such a presence. And I remember the first time I met him, I was, it was at an after-party for like This Is The End or something. And we were doing a movie that Seth Rogen produced, Game Over Man, which I did with the Workaholics guys. And so we were there at the after-party and I was trying to smoke with Seth, like go toe-to-toe with him. And I smoke weed. I'm good at smoking weed, I would say. Not as good as Seth Rogen.

• 31:48Theo Von?

  Yeah, he's, yeah, he looks like he's part of a joint.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  Yes, he looks, human joint. And so, I'm, so I'm like in a fucking daze, fully crossfaded. And also he doesn't drink, but I do. So I'm like just guzzling vodka while still trying to keep up with him.

• 32:04Theo Von?

  And through the. And you have stiff person syndrome.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  This is pre-stiff person. This is pre-my stiff. But out through this cloud emerges Danny McBride. And he's on like my Mount Rushmore, you know, favorite comedian.

• 32:18Theo Von?

  And just seeing him walk up, he just has this, everything that he says is his character. So it's like,

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:24Theo Von?

  It's just him.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. And, and I was like on my heels and so I go, you're Danny McBride? And he's like, dude, yeah, I know. And he's like, hey, man, nice to meet you. And then I looked at him and I said, You're a bright shooting star.

• 32:42Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  What? Like, what the fuck, dude?

• 32:45Theo Von?

  You're a bright shooting star.

• 32:46Speaker 01

  I said, I told him, you're a bright shooting star, which I think is like a, a-

• 32:50Theo Von?

  Native American type of thing.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  It might be a Native American, but it's also like, I think from, uh, Boogie Nights or something?

• 32:58Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  And so I said, you're a bright shooting star. And, uh, he's like, yeah, okay, man. And I grabbed my girlfriend at the time and I was like, we have to leave.

• 33:06Theo Von?

  Have to leave.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  And she was like, I'm having a good time. Why are we leaving? I'm like, I just called Dana McBride a bright shooting star.

• 33:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 33:11Speaker 01

  And she was like, you're right. Let's get out of here. Like, yeah, fucking, you're out of your mind, dude. Let's get out of here. But he, but when he cast me on the show, he did not remember that. I think he also was pretty crossfaded as well. So he didn't remember that.

• 33:26Theo Von?

  He might've been cooking with Seth, huh?

• 33:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, he might've been also cooking with Seth, so.

• 33:31Theo Von?

  Dang, dude, that's crazy.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, so thank, thank God.

• 33:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 33:37Theo Von?

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• 34:19Theo Von?

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• 35:13Theo Von?

  Shout out to Dave Ramsey, my friend. He invited me to a get together at his home in a few months. I'm looking forward to that. And I was grateful when I had him on the show. Dave keeps it real. He, he's been there for a long time for people. Reliable, no fluff, no fancy words, just straight up truth about money. Dave's been doing it for 30 years. He's a financial expert, eight-time bestselling author and the host of The Ramsey Show. That's a Monday through Friday show where Dave and his team take calls from real people dealing with real money situations. Some are in deep and some just need a little guidance, but all of them are looking for a way forward. They've had some wild calls.

• 35:58Theo Von?

  My wife maxed out her credit cards at McDonald's. I was dumped because I work too much and should I pay for my wife to get plastic surgery? Big questions facing Americans. But it's not about the crazy stories. The Ramsey Show helps people take control, get a plan and change their lives. Nearly 40 million people watch The Ramsey Show on YouTube. It dominates Apple Podcasts and Amazon Music charts. So if you want to get your money right or just hear some of the wildest financial situations people get into, The Ramsey Show has it. Check out The Ramsey Show weekdays on YouTube, podcasts, or click the link in the show notes.

• 36:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, he just like, I don't know, it's tough because you it's tough because you want to impress him, but you also want to just learn about him. There was a lot of little stuff and to know that he liked the directing side and the thinking about in the program that he that he thinks about that more than it seems like he does probably the acting side, not as a judgment.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  No, no, no, that's right.

• 37:05Theo Von?

  That's the stuff that he talked about why he even got into things. That's the stuff that he likes the most like, he's like, I won't really go back and watch things. I like to just be there in that moment when things are trying to are chaotic and how do we figure it out? And I was like, wow, that's kind of fascinating.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  He's a really smart guy. He went to film school first and like, so he came into the business wanting to be a writer and a director. And that's what I wanted to do too. And I remember telling my mom, I'm like, I think I want to go to film school. That way I can learn the other side and then put myself as the the lead in projects. And then I could have all the creative control and my mom, bless her heart, was just like, you're an actor, just go be an actor. It was like dunking on me a little bit like, okay, dummy. Uh, just go be, go be the actor.

• 37:50Theo Von?

  Yeah, you've already been hit by a cement truck.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  Let's not push our luck here.

• 37:56Theo Von?

  Yeah. Next, all you need is a lumber truck and it's a wrap, dude.

• 37:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, a freaking steamroller.

• 38:02Theo Von?

  Dang dude, so Jim Stones is, um, but no, yeah, getting to see him. Well, it's funny because I went in the lobby and he they were waiting in the in the front room and, um, they're like, Danny's here and we were trying to get ready a little bit and, uh, just been a long weekend. I go in there and he's just pretending that he's sleeping in the chair, which is just so funny, like, kind of something a kid would do, you know?

• 38:25Speaker 01

  He's the best.

• 38:26Theo Von?

  It was just like, you know, I've walked in there and had, there's been a hundred guests in there and never once has one just pretended that they're sleeping.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  Dude, he he'll like, when you're on, he likes to keep things light and fun and, uh, but he's also just like, he's like a little rascal, you know? And so you'll be shooting your side of a take, right? And it's over his shoulder and he'll just go.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Like as you're trying to act and you're like, what the like dude? And he's like the guy that'll break the most.

• 38:59Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah?

• 39:00Speaker 01

  Uh, and I think it's to like to keep things light and also he just thinks like he's such a good, like such a giver that what like he wants you to know that he thinks it's funny.

• 39:13Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  So.

• 39:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, he gave me a cock light, a little light that can do cocks with it.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  That's sick.

• 39:19Theo Von?

  Oh, it's great.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  You need that, honestly.

• 39:21Theo Von?

  He had like a little wiener laser or whatever. It was like, you know how they have that light you can shine on somebody at like a, somebody who's giving a conference or whatever?

• 39:28Speaker 01

  Like a laser pointer?

• 39:29Theo Von?

  Yeah, and you shine it on him and then the social, and then like,

• 39:31Speaker 01

  Circle his dick with it.

• 39:31Theo Von?

  Social Security comes up and rescues him or whatever, so he'll get shot or whatever.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:35Theo Von?

  Well, um.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  Secret Service. I don't think social security is wrong.

• 39:41Theo Von?

  Actually, social security, apparently, Trump's taking it out of business or whatever.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, there, it's nowhere to be found, so.

• 39:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  It's just gonna be your grandma being like, what?

• 39:54Speaker 01

  I need this to survive. Here's a cock light instead.

• 39:58Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 40:01Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's what, social security is gonna send you a gift each month.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, hey, we don't have money anymore. They, they took that, uh, but here's a cock light.

• 40:09Theo Von?

  Those days are over, but yeah.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  I mean, maybe for some people, worth it.

• 40:13Theo Von?

  What about this labia night light we're gonna give you though? Yeah. Yeah, this was it. It projects five different dicks. And I didn't know that. He didn't take me through all the cocks. He showed me that one right there.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  I mean, I feel like this is something that you need to spend some time with. Yeah, I feel like you gotta dust that one off and,

• 40:29Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Play with it a little bit.

• 40:30Theo Von?

  I brought it to Las Vegas with me this weekend and I was even using it during some of the fights. I would low key, people didn't know it.

• 40:35Speaker 01

  Oh, that's fun.

• 40:36Theo Von?

  But like there were some of the fights we won and I'd flash a cock on somebody.

• 40:39Speaker 01

  I, uh, we, I get, I'm sure you get weird gifts like this all the time. I get weird shit all constantly. Like where, where they, I, they want you to talk about it on your podcast or they, you know, what I'm saying. Uh, I just got this, it was like offensive. There was this dildo company or something, like a sex toy company. And they sent me one that it's to fit over your dick so you have a bigger dick.

• 41:04Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  It was called a little more and you strap it onto your dick so your dick is bigger. And I'm like, Why, why was I singled out as the, as the guy?

• 41:14Theo Von?

  A little more?

• 41:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think, is this it? Maybe, maybe, yes, you strap it on, you put it under your, your nuts through a little hole.

• 41:23Theo Von?

  You put your nuts into it as well?

• 41:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, underneath so it can stay on.

• 41:27Theo Von?

  Oh, I see. So you kind of put your nuts through a hole and then it stays on top?

• 41:30Speaker 01

  Stays on top.

• 41:30Theo Von?

  So do you even need to use your?

• 41:32Speaker 01

  Not that I've tried it on. Not that I know everything about it.

• 41:37Theo Von?

  And is it a 41 regular? What size?

• 41:41Speaker 01

  It's a 42 short. It's stocky like me. Just a short, stocky little.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's exactly, it was amazing. I like a little more five and a half inches. That's so sad, dude. If that's your little more.

• 41:55Speaker 01

  Hey, you know, I guess that person would really need it.

• 41:59Theo Von?

  That's kind of the smart car of cocks, dude.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  Totally, totally. That's, that's something that your wife or girlfriend gives you. I like that that one's sold out. That one's sold out. They're, they ran out of those. They're like, that means you have to have like a four inch dick. To then.

• 42:15Theo Von?

  And you want to rock up to five and a half? Yeah, for like your wedding or whatever?

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, for a big event.

• 42:20Theo Von?

  I wonder if I would like, you know, I guess it's kind of nice because then your wiener could not even have to be erect. You can kind of be soft as long as you're able to fit the mold and just rock this thing.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's good. If you're like, you're, you know, you're a little jet lagged. You're a little tired.

• 42:35Theo Von?

  Oh yeah, I've been jet lagged for 20 years then.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, and, and then, you know, you're, you're like, you don't really want to give it up, but then, you know.

• 42:43Theo Von?

  But still.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  These women crawling all over, you know, oh my God, it's, it's exhausting.

• 42:48Theo Von?

  You gotta smash them just to keep them off the ceiling fan, you know?

• 42:51Speaker 01

  For real. I know, I know exactly what you mean. No, dude, I'm married. I have a one-year-old baby. My wife is like, please stop touching me. For 18 more years, do not touch me.

• 43:06Speaker 01

  There we are.

• 43:07Theo Von?

  Oh, there you go.

• 43:08Speaker 01

  We're a beautiful family.

• 43:09Theo Von?

  Wow, dude, that must be nice to have a beautiful family.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  It is.

• 43:13Theo Von?

  Is that a real picture?

• 43:15Speaker 01

  That's a real, that's our living room. Yeah.

• 43:17Theo Von?

  Y'all have a boat?

• 43:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude.

• 43:19Theo Von?

  You're lying.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  Got our boats, dude.

• 43:22Theo Von?

  Oh, my God.

• 43:24Speaker 01

  That's what happens when you have stiff person syndrome. You're like, you know what? I'm basically a retiree now. Now I just stretch. I do like yoga in my backyard and then I take boats out.

• 43:33Theo Von?

  They just tie you to the front like in that, um, what about Bob?

• 43:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm exactly like that.

• 43:39Theo Von?

  Um, your character in, um, congratulations too on your family.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  Hmm. Thanks, dude.

• 43:45Theo Von?

  How soon after a wife has one child do they want to, is there, is there a strategy there that starts to come in? Like, do we have another one immediately? Do we hold off?

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 43:55Theo Von?

  You don't want to have an only child, I don't think.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  We don't. We want, we want a two banger, uh, the one-two punch. And I think we, we want to try to go fairly soon, you know, just to, to pound it out.

• 44:08Theo Von?

  Yeah, keep the things going.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  Once you're used to doing diapers, I'm like, let's keep this thing rolling. I know, I know how to do, whoop. I know how to do this quick. Like, you don't want to get out of the diaper phase and then suddenly you're like, oh, fuck, I gotta do this again.

• 44:20Theo Von?

  You have to dust them off or whatever.

• 44:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, like, how do I even?

• 44:24Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:24Speaker 01

  What are we doing? What are we doing here, dude?

• 44:27Theo Von?

  Uh, yeah, yeah, I guess that's true. Knock them all out. What do you said Candace Owens on? She has had four kids in a row. One, two, three, four. She's on her fourth child right now.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  That's a lot.

• 44:35Theo Von?

  Per year. So it's just like.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Oh, that's a lot.

• 44:38Theo Von?

  Yeah, at that point, you're kind of running a distillery, it seems like.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's too much. Well, I feel like it finally got to the point that like my wife is allowing me to touch her a little bit.

• 44:47Theo Von?

  Right.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  Like sometimes. So then I know if like we run it back and have another kid, then it's off the table for another year.

• 44:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:55Speaker 01

  You know?

• 44:56Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  So that, that sucks.

• 44:57Theo Von?

  But it kind of fits. So with your gemstones character, your gem, your gemstones character is now fully, um, a homosexual male, right?

• 45:04Speaker 01

  That is right. That is right.

• 45:06Theo Von?

  And what's that been like? What's that journey been like? Had, like, how did you get, did you?

• 45:11Speaker 01

  My wife doesn't love it.

• 45:13Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  She's not super attracted to that, uh, side.

• 45:17Theo Von?

  That guy?

• 45:18Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, it was, you know, it was a.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  It kinda seemed like it was going that way. And it was really fun to play like a character that had like a secret, you know? Little secret that I didn't wanna divulge. So it was nice this season, I'm out, I'm proud. And I, and I could just like be. Yeah, cuz I, I don't know about you, but I have like, uh, some gay family members. And when they finally came out. It was like they were, they had a new lease on life. They just seemed happier. They like, a new personality emerged from their cocoon. They're, they're, they broke out of the hetero shell. And now they can just be gay, yay. And, uh, so it was super fun to play that.

• 46:02Theo Von?

  Dang.

• 46:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:04Theo Von?

  Yeah, and did you have to prac, did you have to like channel? Any specialty or special gay folks? Or do you call a gay that you, or gay person? Did you contact some other gay people? Did you take like a small, like a weekend retreat or something? Is there any?

• 46:20Speaker 01

  No, I didn't, yeah, there wasn't a lot of gay.

• 46:23Theo Von?

  Like channeling?

• 46:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, was it, uh, yeah, it was mostly just acting.

• 46:26Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 46:27Speaker 01

  I didn't go on any gay retreats. Not that I'm opposed to it, but.

• 46:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm just wondering, did you? And do you have to ask like a? Is there like a? Cuz like sometimes with the, with some black stuff, if you wanna use them, where you have to get a pass?

• 46:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, you would, but you really need a lot of cosigners on that.

• 46:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 46:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, like a lot. There'd have to be like a long list. It was like, all these people said I could say it.

• 46:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 46:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:49Theo Von?

  But anyway, yeah, I was just wondering, do you have to get a gay pass from an acting guild or anything to play?

• 46:55Speaker 01

  No, I think, uh, I just did it. I hope, I hope I don't get in trouble, dude. Yeah, fuck, now that you're kind of airing it out, I'm, I'm a little bit like. Did I do him dirty? Uh, but I don't think so, I don't think so. I, I, yeah, I, I have some gay friends and they were like. It's great, it's fantastic.

• 47:14Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 47:14Speaker 01

  Uh. Because I think I walked the line of, of being a little flamboyant in moments, but then not in other moments. As a gay man.

• 47:24Theo Von?

  Uh, yeah, and as your character, let's bring his character up too here, just so we can get a gander at him as well.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  I also have been pulling some looks the last couple of years, dude. My fashions are on point.

• 47:35Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think there was, it was not shocking, I don't think, to people that your character could, um.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:43Theo Von?

  Have this going on.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:45Theo Von?

  Because there's also, there's always a surprise gay person in a lot of religious families.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 47:52Theo Von?

  And look at this.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  Look at that guy. Look at that sex pot.

• 47:55Theo Von?

  I mean, that guy could be seven or forty-one.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  That's exactly how old I am.

• 48:03Theo Von?

  This guy's been fucking. This is unbelievable to say this even exists.

• 48:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, I know. It was such a fun character to play. You know where I I channeled the the the character was a lot of wrist work? Like, I I was, I just do you, because when you're acting for me, if I'm some, if I'm not playing like Adam Demamp from Workaholics was pretty similar to myself, just the more manic version of myself, you know? Uh, so I didn't have to do a lot, but other characters where I'm like, he's different than me. I have to find something where I can click in physically. I found like just doing different things with my hands. I would be able to channel him in ways that uh, I I that isn't me.

• 48:50Theo Von?

  Yeah. I can totally relate to that. Like sometimes when you go to costumes for a a part and you'll try on different ones and then you'll put on like a certain outfit or something that have you in. And you're like, oh, this is kind of it. And you start to feel a little bit different or you'll like, kind of like, if you walk around.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  A little differently, you strut around a little differently.

• 49:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  For me, it was on Gemstones, I got, I, they gave me these, well, I actually requested them. You know, like certain people will wear glasses, even though they don't have anything wrong with their eyes.

• 49:26Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'll do that.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  It's like, it's like a fashion thing. And so you put them on and just to like.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  Well, those are sunglasses. That, you just look cool.

• 49:37Theo Von?

  Oh, you're saying this is any type of glasses?

• 49:39Speaker 01

  Just, just like a regular glasses, but.

• 49:41Theo Von?

  Okay, um.

• 49:42Speaker 01

  No sun.

• 49:43Theo Von?

  Window glasses.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  Regular window glasses and you put them on.

• 49:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Uh, ju- just for like a fashion sake.

• 49:49Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, I've done that.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, so that to me, when I put that on, I like became a different character.

• 49:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  I was like, I had, I was like doing a little bit of a thing.

• 49:59Theo Von?

  Yeah, I like that.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  And that's how I morphed into. Kelvin Jamstone.

• 50:05Theo Von?

  Well, a lot of, there's a lot of gay activity in nature as well, you know, if they um.

• 50:11Speaker 01

  Back to nature, dude. By the stream, they're either killing each other or they're fucksin'.

• 50:15Theo Von?

  Bring up that, they just had two humpback whales, if you can find that, having sex and they're both males. So this is. So I'm just saying, gemstones.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  Inspired them.

• 50:25Theo Von?

  Is not the only people that are finding themselves.

• 50:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:30Theo Von?

  Right? Two male humpback whales are seen mating off the coast of Hawaii, of course.

• 50:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, obviously.

• 50:36Theo Von?

  Oh dude, I'm in Hawaii, I'll fuck anything.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:39Theo Von?

  When biologist Stephanie Stack first saw the photographs of two humpback whales mating in the warm waters of Hawaii, she says, her mind was completely blown. When I realized that it was two males, it was not what I was expecting. Um, I thought, oh my gosh, this is incredible. Says this is the first, she's um, a biologist at the Pacific Whale Foundation in Maui. Which sounds like a um, something that Doge is gonna bust soon. Uh, says this is the first time humpback whale sex has been documented. She co-authored a paper about the rare sighting in the journal Marine Mammal Science.

• 51:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, Elon's gonna be like, so, we've given $2 billion for gay whale porn?

• 51:24Theo Von?

  So.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  And we only have one photo. Yeah, one photo to, if they, if they had a lot of films that could make money on Pornhub, then we'd keep it going, but we got one pic.

• 51:36Theo Von?

  We got one.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  It's not worth it.

• 51:38Theo Von?

  You can't even open up an OnlyFans.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, that sucks, dude. You know, there's an OnlyFans, I just saw this morning, uh, one of the girls on Harry Potter started an OnlyFans.

• 51:49Theo Von?

  Uh oh.

• 51:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, I don't, I don't know, uh.

• 51:53Theo Von?

  Her?

• 51:54Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 51:54Theo Von?

  Potter's got less hair on it, that's all I'm saying, dude, that's all I'm saying. Allegedly, and these are rumors.

• 52:00Speaker 01

  I don't remember the, the girl's name. It wasn't Hermione, it wasn't the, the number one stunner.

• 52:05Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  Jessie Cave.

• 52:07Theo Von?

  Jessie Cave.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  Hermione.

• 52:09Theo Von?

  Jessie Cave. Harry Potter star Jessie Cave says she's now on OnlyFans now, and her reason why is pretty understandable.

• 52:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's understandable. I think she said she wanted a new roof or something like she was gonna do some home re mods.

• 52:24Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:25Speaker 01

  Which, by the way, I've done some home re mods. It's expensive, dude.

• 52:29Theo Von?

  Oh, it's fifty racks for a roof. It's probably thirty thirty racks for a roof, maybe?

• 52:34Speaker 01

  Oh, dude. No, I just I just did. It's eighty.

• 52:36Theo Von?

  Nah.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 52:38Theo Von?

  Eighty for a roof?

• 52:39Speaker 01

  Roof, yeah.

• 52:40Theo Von?

  How strong is it?

• 52:41Speaker 01

  It's a really, I guess, a really strong one.

• 52:43Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 52:43Speaker 01

  There's, uh, what do they call those clay shells?

• 52:47Theo Von?

  What do they call those? Three Little Pigs roofers. We used to have that group.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't know. I we, yeah, we didn't get that. I wonder if I could start an OnlyFans just showing off my calves.

• 52:55Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  You know, I only got four toes.

• 52:57Theo Von?

  Nah.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  Fell off in the bathtub, homie.

• 53:00Theo Von?

  After the accident?

• 53:01Speaker 01

  After the accident.

• 53:03Theo Von?

  My dad was missing a, uh, not or something. One of his little arms or finger.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  Finger, they call it.

• 53:09Theo Von?

  Hand arms?

• 53:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, little one, the, yeah, hand arms. Uh, yeah.

• 53:13Theo Von?

  I got hit by, I got hit by a Trans Am when I was a kid, not to the effect of you.

• 53:17Speaker 01

  With a, with Trans Am, was it, was that have the the Firebird on it?

• 53:21Theo Von?

  It was, um, silver Trans Am. Bring it up. Silver Trans Am nineteen. I would say probably eighty five. Put up an eighty five Trans Am.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  It had after. Well, that's kind of sick. That's a cool car to get hit by.

• 53:32Theo Von?

  Had aftermarket hood on it.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  And Joe Dirt was driving it? And that's why you're like, I've got to work with Spade?

• 53:37Theo Von?

  I got slammed right into the Joe Dirt.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  Dude, I actually wouldn't. I wouldn't mind owning that car.

• 53:41Theo Von?

  That bitch was tough.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a sick car to get hit by.

• 53:44Theo Von?

  But you have a cool old car, don't you?

• 53:46Speaker 01

  No, I used to have, I mean, not even old. It was like, I just didn't buy a new one. I used to have a, a Camaro.

• 53:53Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah, that's what you had.

• 53:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had a, but it was like two thousand ten. Yeah, there's my foot. There's my foot. That's my foot.

• 53:59Theo Von?

  And it's darker, huh?

• 54:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it was just the lighting. My, it's, it's pretty normal looking. I mean, normal for my legs.

• 54:06Theo Von?

  It looks fast.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, it looks like those toes can grab something like I can reach out like you throw me a ball and I go.

• 54:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  Just snag it out of the air. But they they can't catch things. They're just regular toes. Uh, it fell, it fell out, uh, it fell off. I've told this on my podcast, but, um, it fell off in the bathtub when I was masturbating for one of the first times in my life.

• 54:27Theo Von?

  You're lying.

• 54:27Speaker 01

  Seventh grade, I was masturbating. I just learned that my penis did tricks. And I was playing with it and, uh, it fell off in the bathtub, dude.

• 54:36Theo Von?

  Baby girl, why?

• 54:37Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 54:39Theo Von?

  And what, I don't understand, how did it, were you taking blood flow from that area into your, like, what was happening?

• 54:45Speaker 01

  It was, it was hanging on by a thread and they said that it was either going to grow, like attach and, and it was gonna be fine, or more than likely was so charred, charred, it was just gonna, it was just gonna flop off.

• 55:00Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  And it was, I mean, this is gross, but it was maybe one of the first times I ejaculated. And I'm in this bathtub and I'm like, oh, this is gross, there's stuff in here. And now I'm in this bathtub and then I see

• 55:12Theo Von?

  The toe go like.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  The little toe, just floating in the glunk.

• 55:15Theo Von?

  No.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:17Theo Von?

  And did they meet up?

• 55:18Speaker 01

  They were, yeah, they were swimming together. Yeah. Yeah, it was, it was pretty nasty.

• 55:24Theo Von?

  Why?

• 55:24Speaker 01

  Kind of a nasty dude.

• 55:26Theo Von?

  You would think that it would be able to help it.

• 55:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, you, all of a sudden it just like regrows, yeah, all of a sudden it grows a toenail. Um, and then

• 55:37Speaker 01

  it turns beautiful pink and I just reattach it. Uh, I screamed out and then my mom came in and it was like, huh, what? And I'm like, my toe. And then she's trying to fish the toe out and I'm like, get out of here, get out!

• 55:52Speaker 01

  It was, it was wild, dude. Yeah.

• 55:54Theo Von?

  Did you tell your, well, now your mom knows what happened. Have you masturbated since then or no?

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, a few times, a couple of times.

• 56:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. I do, I do. I'm not afraid to admit.

• 56:05Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 56:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. I like it, dude.

• 56:07Theo Von?

  I think it's normal.

• 56:07Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 56:08Theo Von?

  I don't like it that, I used to like it and now I'm like, what are we doing?

• 56:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I understand that and I get that and that's how a normal man should be, but I'm like, when I'm away, like I, you know, wife and kid at home now, if I'm on the road doing something, I'm like, daddy's alone, you know, some sweet treats.

• 56:27Theo Von?

  Time for some hand magic, huh?

• 56:28Speaker 01

  They stopped giving lotion in hotels. A lot of hotels, they don't have the lotion nearby.

• 56:34Theo Von?

  Really? They used to have a small free thing of lotion?

• 56:36Speaker 01

  They used to always have the lotion. Now the last few hotels I've been in, nice hotels. They don't have the lotion. I think too many people were jerking off. They were like trying to cut the jerk off numbers. They're trying to knock those down.

• 56:47Theo Von?

  I wonder if there's a shortage or something.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe. It's probably Doge. They're like, what are we doing? We're spending all this money on lotion? Like,

• 56:54Theo Von?

  No more.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  We spent $4 billion on lotion? How do we subsidize lotion, dude?

• 57:01Theo Von?

  You ever realize that you spent your entire morning thinking about lunch? It's 9 a.m. and somehow I'm already in negotiations with myself about how I'm gonna spend $20 on a sandwich at noon. And then I eat it, or you eat it, or somebody eats it. And then an hour later, you're just standing in the kitchen worrying about what you'll do for dinner. And that's one reason why I've been into Huell. The Black Edition Powder is a complete meal you have instead of food, not a shake on top of food. The powder starts at less than $3 per meal, has 40 grams of protein, and mixes with water or milk in about 30 seconds. I like Huell's shakes because they're clean and it's quick.

• 57:44Theo Von?

  Sometimes I just want to make sure I have everything I need to keep going the way I want to keep going in a healthy manner. So with Huell, basically, lunch went from a daily logistical problem to a thing I can solve in about 30 seconds. Make healthy eating simple. New customers get an exclusive offer of 15% off online with my code WEEKEND at huell.com/weekend. That's H-U-E-L dot com slash weekend. Thank you to Huell for partnering and supporting our show. Man, the mainstream media is a big machine. I believe that that's conclusive. There's no more debating that. They shape stories, they hide parts.

• 58:30Theo Von?

  So we're never really seeing the whole picture. Before you know it, you're stuck in this echo chamber just getting one side of the story over and over. That's how the algorithms work. That's why I like Ground News. It lets you see how different news outlets cover the same story, left, right, center. You compare it all in one spot and think for yourself. For example, there's this article right here on Ground News that says, "White House Narrows April 2nd Tariffs."

• 59:01Theo Von?

  Then you can go to another, all the headlines are right there and you can see all the headlines from the different news sites, all on the same page. I don't think we've had something like this where you can really, you can shop for your news and look at basically the nutrition facts of it and see, well, which site is giving me the real thing, which site has the most bias in it. You can compare the same headlines, the same articles from one site to the next, all in one spot. Expand your view of the news. Go to groundnews.com/theo. That's G-R-O-U-N-D-N-E-W-S.com/THEO to get 40% off the Vantage Plan and get access to the mobile app, website, and exclusive newsletters.

• 59:46Theo Von?

  One more time, that's groundnews.com/THEO. You have to go check this out. I've never seen anything like it, actually. I think it's kind of what we've all been wanting. You all know I like to keep things cool, even in the winter, and nothing is cooler than a Blue Cube Cold Plunge. I'm fortunate enough to have one at home, and let me tell you, it's like baptizing your soul, baby, getting that little crispy bucket, baby. It gets rid of them demons we all have and makes you feel great for seven or eight hours afterwards. It's good. My buddy, Thomas Schiffer, the genius behind Blue Cube, and I go way back, and he just launched a pre-sale for their new stand-up

• 1:00:31Theo Von?

  Cold Plunges. Wow. These things are the Cadillacs of cold plunge therapy. American-made, full immersion, weatherproof frames, and built like a Sherman tank. I'll say this, they are built well. And because you're listening to me, you can get a sweet discount when you mention my name. That's right. Just tell them Theo sent you, and they'll knock a good bit off the price. So if you're ready to boost your metabolism, eliminate inflation, and blast away your anxiety, give them a call. Head over to their website, bluecubebaths.com, and dive into the details. Opt in on their website, or give them a call.

• 1:01:13Theo Von?

  I am grateful for the one that I have and I feel honestly thankful to be able to have one. I know they're not in everybody's price range and um and that's understandable. But at the same time, I want to support my friend and his amazing company. Is pornography causing a problem in your life? Do you find yourself watching porno for longer periods of time and having trouble stopping? Is porn affecting your relationship or dating life? Well, you're certainly not alone. Watching pornography has become so commonplace today and oftentimes men use porn to numb the pain of loneliness, boredom, anxiety, and depression.

• 1:01:55Theo Von?

  Shame and stigma prevent men from talking about these issues and getting help for them. I want to introduce you to my friend Steve. Steve is the founder of Valor Recovery, a program to help men overcome porn abuse and sexual compulsivity. Steve is a long-term sexual recovery member and has personally overcame the emotional and spiritual despair of abusing pornography and has dedicated his life to empowering men to do the same. Steve is an amazing person and he is a close friend of mine. I mean that. Valor Recovery helps men to develop the tools necessary to have a healthier sex life. Their coaches are in long-term recovery and will be your partner, mentor, and spiritual guide

• 1:02:40Theo Von?

  to transcend these problematic behaviors. To learn more about Valor Recovery, please visit them at www dot Valor Recovery Coaching dot com or email them at admin at Valor Recovery Coaching dot com. Thank you. Dude, some of the things Doge busted were insane, though.

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is. It is funny.

• 1:03:07Theo Von?

  Yeah, one of them was like $2 million to eliminate some of the alphabet from like Mozambique or whatever. It was like, what?

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  Isn't Doge a meme coin?

• 1:03:15Theo Von?

  I thought it was.

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  So it's funny that it's also like we're we're going with this for the name. Like whoever owns the Doge coin is probably kind of stoked that they got, they're getting all this free pub.

• 1:03:26Theo Von?

  Free publicity for sure.

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:28Theo Von?

  Cause they just started advertising it.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:31Theo Von?

  All those things hit rock bottom.

• 1:03:32Speaker 01

  Dude.

• 1:03:33Theo Von?

  Um, you know what? I will say this cuz um, they need different types of um, cuz your gemstone character, his job is he's youth pastor.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, now I think he's just uh, he runs like a sect of the church called Prism.

• 1:03:51Theo Von?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  So it's very inclusive. So like if you're gay or non-binary or whatever, something, someone who's been othered by society.

• 1:03:58Theo Von?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  You now can join Prism and God's light will shine through me and I shoot the rainbow onto you.

• 1:04:05Theo Von?

  Ooh.

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  Ooh, baby.

• 1:04:07Theo Von?

  I love that. We need that. We need, like when I was younger, there's only like a couple types of gay guys, kinda. There was like, or it just seemed like there was.

• 1:04:15Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:04:16Theo Von?

  Now we need more like, you know, you need more.

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  There's all different types.

• 1:04:22Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  There's all different types now. I understand what you're saying. Like when you're a kid, what you see on like movies and and stuff, there's only like.

• 1:04:28Theo Von?

  Like a secret gay guy?

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's a secret, like, don't tell. And then like a guy, gay guy who's so straight.

• 1:04:34Theo Von?

  Tell, tell, tell, tell, tell.

• 1:04:35Speaker 01

  He's not gay. And then the the most flamboyant man alive.

• 1:04:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, and then a woodpecker.

• 1:04:41Speaker 01

  And then a woodpecker, yes.

• 1:04:43Theo Von?

  Or, yeah, a guy would just come to, yeah, a guy was like.

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  It was just.

• 1:04:46Theo Von?

  Waking people up.

• 1:04:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, will not shut up about how gay they are.

• 1:04:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, who keeps just talking about Jessica Simpson all the time.

• 1:04:52Speaker 01

  They, I mean, if you were to pick, that would maybe the last uh, pop star that I was gonna think you're gonna pull out of the crate. But, but yeah, but I.

• 1:05:02Theo Von?

  But now there's like gay construction workers, there's gay like people that are archers.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think there always kind of was.

• 1:05:08Theo Von?

  Um, but now.

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  But now you know, now you know.

• 1:05:11Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, now it's.

• 1:05:12Theo Von?

  And now you can even in church have a gay section of church, right?

• 1:05:16Speaker 01

  You, apparently, uh, according to the righteous gemstones. I don't know if if other churches are doing this.

• 1:05:22Theo Von?

  I think they should, they should allow, if there's, just, you know, or maybe they don't have to make it exclusive or include, just make it, but.

• 1:05:29Speaker 01

  I don't even think you need a section.

• 1:05:30Theo Von?

  Right, that's a thing.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:32Theo Von?

  But now there's more like, yeah, there's just more gay people everywhere now and more common. I like to see even more. Like I would love to see gay train conductor or.

• 1:05:42Speaker 01

  That's what my dad was.

• 1:05:43Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was a train conductor.

• 1:05:45Theo Von?

  Nah uh.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  Uh huh. Uh, yeah, I think, you know what I'm sick of is you watch a movie, it's like.

• 1:05:51Theo Von?

  I wonder if he hit my friend, dude.

• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  I, I mean, now that you say it, it rings a bell for me. Uh, he, uh, he didn't hit your friend, but he did, they, he has murdered people.

• 1:06:01Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:06:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:02Theo Von?

  With a train?

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  With a train.

• 1:06:04Theo Von?

  Unreal.

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  With a train. Uh, yeah, he would say that you go, you go, he was like, it's so gross, obviously. And my dad's so funny, he's like, yeah, tell you what, I'm like a little kid, he's told me this story, he's like, hit a hobo.

• 1:06:17Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:17Speaker 01

  And I'm like, oh, what? And he's like, yeah. And I'm, and I'm like, oh, is he alive? I'm a little kid, so I'm like, is he alive? And he's like, no, looked underneath the train. I'm like, geez, looks like ground beef. I was like, we, we could make, grill up some burgers with this bum. And I'm like, geez, chill, dude, this is a human being.

• 1:06:37Theo Von?

  Who wants a bum on a bun?

• 1:06:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, so he, uh, yeah, so he's murdered.

• 1:06:43Theo Von?

  Bum fights, how about bum with fries, huh?

• 1:06:46Speaker 01

  Like, what, dude?

• 1:06:48Theo Von?

  I can't believe that.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  A little Happy Meal. A very unhappy meal.

• 1:06:53Theo Von?

  Yeah. Where was he, and what district was he hitting people in, or what section of the country did even?

• 1:06:57Speaker 01

  I think this was Iowa, Nebraska.

• 1:06:59Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:07:00Speaker 01

  Zones. Yeah, so that's a good area to, if you, if, you know, I feel like bums be passing out on train tracks there, that if you were to think of like, a classic, bums be sleeping on train tracks, that would, you think of that area.

• 1:07:15Theo Von?

  That's the realm, yeah.

• 1:07:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:17Theo Von?

  Why do people, it amazes me that people get hit on train tracks, it's like, that's the only place, you can be five feet away from there?

• 1:07:25Speaker 01

  Just don't fall asleep there, like, why there?

• 1:07:28Theo Von?

  I don't know, I wonder if it's warm, maybe the tracks are, they conduct some warmth because the trains go up and down them?

• 1:07:32Speaker 01

  Maybe, I was just also maybe 15 feet away.

• 1:07:36Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  Right, and maybe, or, and to cover yourself up, you know how there's usually rocks along the side? Just cover yourself up with the rocks.

• 1:07:42Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  Off to the side.

• 1:07:44Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:07:45Speaker 01

  That seems warm, that seems warm.

• 1:07:46Theo Von?

  I agree, yeah, look at this warm guy on these rocks, huh?

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, I think, do you think you would be a good homeless person?

• 1:07:53Theo Von?

  Let me think for a second.

• 1:07:56Theo Von?

  I think you get the hang of it quick. I think I would commandeer an area of a park. That's what I would do. I would find a park. Stay in it for a couple of days and see like an area where nobody really goes.

• 1:08:06Speaker 01

  See, that's the, that's the hard part, because in LA. There's people everywhere. You gotta, you gotta go, you know. And maybe some of these fires were, I mean, I don't know, I'm not pointing blame, but like, it would make sense. I know if I was a homeless guy, I'd be up in them hills, man. I'd be up in them hills. I'd be covered in like coyote skins. Cause I've, I've, I've gone on some hunts, right? And you're just, and then you have a little bonfire and you're just roasting coyotes and stuff for food.

• 1:08:34Theo Von?

  Yotes, they call them. Roasting Yotes.

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  Roasting some Yotes. And then, and then you maybe have your own little like barbecue stand, but only for other homeless people and they're like, oh shit, I gotta roll up in them hills, get some Yotes, get a Yotes burger.

• 1:08:49Theo Von?

  Ron's slinging Yotes, yeah. Ron's got a fresh batch of Yote on the grill.

• 1:08:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, so that's kind of what I think I would, I'd be doing.

• 1:08:55Theo Von?

  So you'd be a high-end homeless then, because you're.

• 1:08:58Speaker 01

  Well, I think if you're gonna be homeless, you wanna be high-end.

• 1:09:01Theo Von?

  But they're gonna call the police immediately. Poor people would just be like, oh, there's a, you know, that's gonna be me in a week. Uh. But rich people are like, get this guy.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  Get this guy out of here. But you have to be so up in the hills, they don't even know you're there. And, and you're, and you're, you know. You're killing Yotes, so you're like doing a service. Like, rich people don't want Yotes around because they kill the dog, they kill like little dogs and stuff.

• 1:09:22Theo Von?

  You could tell them straight up, hey, I'm gonna be back behind your house, I'll live back there. Every now and then, if you have some used Burberry or whatever, throw it back there.

• 1:09:29Speaker 01

  I think that's how you had to do it, because you don't want anyone, no one wants just someone living right behind their house. And they don't know the guy. Like, you wanna be like, hey, what's up? Hey, what's up? I'm Theo. I'm gonna be living directly behind your house. I'm gonna be on the lookout for Yotes.

• 1:09:44Theo Von?

  Yep, I'll be calm, I'll be quiet. I'll fend off woodpeckers, you'll sleep.

• 1:09:48Speaker 01

  If you got like a dirty blanket or something that you don't want anymore, throw, toss my way.

• 1:09:53Theo Von?

  Bag of limes or something.

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  But I'm not asking for anything. I'm not asking. I'm just out here. I'm protecting your home, honestly.

• 1:10:01Theo Von?

  If you hear somebody singing Jewel once in a while, that's me.

• 1:10:03Speaker 01

  Yes. Just singing, these foolish games.

• 1:10:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, and also that's a beautiful song, so they might, they might.

• 1:10:13Theo Von?

  Yeah, I think there is a way to live symbiotically with homeless people. I think the problem is in some districts, homeless people start to battle against each other. Homeless territory, can you bring up some of that?

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  You don't like that?

• 1:10:25Theo Von?

  Territorial fights?

• 1:10:26Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, there's straight wars, dude.

• 1:10:28Theo Von?

  Well, there's a lot of that, um, and there was a group of homeless people that attacked a Renaissance fair one weekend.

• 1:10:34Speaker 01

  Really? And they, you couldn't tell who's who? Like you don't know who's fighting who? You're like, either he's Renaissance guy or he's homeless. He's, I know he's covered in fur and eating a turkey leg, but that's either a turkey leg or a yote leg. I'm not sure which one it is.

• 1:10:51Theo Von?

  The yotes are thick, that's all I'm saying.

• 1:10:53Speaker 01

  You got some thick yotes in them hills.

• 1:10:55Theo Von?

  Let's go to this quora right there, it says at the top one, it says, do homeless people ever get territorial?

• 1:11:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:11:00Theo Von?

  Um, most hobos have a campsite, tread softly, they know their area extremely well, and I've seen a couple of really.

• 1:11:07Speaker 01

  Interesting alert systems.

• 1:11:09Theo Von?

  Alert systems. I've heard of some being booby trapped, but never encountered that myself.

• 1:11:15Speaker 01

  Okay, and I like that on this forum, we're, we're bringing back the word hobo, because I don't think hobo is a derogatory term. In fact, if I was homeless, you know how now you have to say, um, there's like a new term for homeless? It's called like unhoused, unhoused, I think.

• 1:11:30Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:11:31Speaker 01

  Uh, I think hobo's better. Hobo's like a fun, like you think you have a stick and a knapsack, you're riding the rails.

• 1:11:39Theo Von?

  The way it's got, nah, dude, yeah.

• 1:11:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like a more fun term, I personally.

• 1:11:43Theo Von?

  Who's got a tangerine for Danny?

• 1:11:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly, exactly.

• 1:11:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's the kind of shit, yeah, oh god, being a hobo. My buddy rode on trains, he jumped train cars for a little while.

• 1:11:53Speaker 01

  I think that'd be fun to do.

• 1:11:54Theo Von?

  He said, one of the problems is though, this is one of the big mistakes that hobos make. Cause are hobos technically people that ride the trains? Is that who it is?

• 1:12:02Speaker 01

  That rings a bell.

• 1:12:03Theo Von?

  Bring up hobos, how do they travel mostly?

• 1:12:05Speaker 01

  My dad said that part of his job was to go up, walk up and down the trains and kick them out. And my dad was like, I'd let them sleep. He's a good man.

• 1:12:16Theo Von?

  It's just crazy, your dad, what's up Dennis? That your dad hit people with trains and then you got hit by something.

• 1:12:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:12:23Theo Von?

  Um, a hobo is a migrant worker in the United States. Hobos, tramps and bums are generally regarded as related. But distinct a hobo travels and is willing to work, a tramp travels, but avoids work if possible, a bum neither travels nor works.

• 1:12:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, but yeah, bums, that kind of, you, I mean, you don't want to be called a bum. If they call you a bum, you're like offended. I don't travel, I don't work, I don't do anything. A hobo's like, hey, I'm getting out there, I'm mixing it up. I'm willing to work.

• 1:12:48Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:49Speaker 01

  I'm willing to work.

• 1:12:50Theo Von?

  Willing to work.

• 1:12:51Speaker 01

  I'll travel.

• 1:12:52Theo Von?

  Yeah, will travel. But the whole, I think, one of the things is, a lot of them die in the train cars. Because they close the door and they don't realize that they can't unlock it from the inside.

• 1:13:01Speaker 01

  And it gets super hot or super cold.

• 1:13:04Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:05Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, and also, my dad says, sometimes there are grain cars, and you can climb up, and then the grain is like, open. And you can climb in, and then you sink into the grain.

• 1:13:18Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:13:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, so that they'll die that way, too.

• 1:13:21Theo Von?

  Took your coat off, stood in the grain.

• 1:13:25Speaker 01

  I don't know that song. Was that something you just made up?

• 1:13:29Theo Von?

  It's a little more jewel.

• 1:13:30Speaker 01

  Oh, dude, I wish I knew more jewel. I wish I had a, a deeper knowledge of jewel. You know, my house was, um, just broken into the other day, dude.

• 1:13:38Theo Von?

  What?

• 1:13:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. My house was, uh-

• 1:13:40Theo Von?

  The house we just saw the photo in with the baby and the boat, in the yard?

• 1:13:43Speaker 01

  Different house, different house. I have a, I have a house, uh, in Hollywood. And, uh, yeah, they broke into my house, in and out, in under eight minutes. Pros, dude.

• 1:13:52Theo Von?

  That's a lot, eight minutes?

• 1:13:54Speaker 01

  Eight minutes, bang.

• 1:13:55Theo Von?

  Adam and the Vines, Cops Take a Scary Spill.

• 1:13:57Speaker 01

  This is the second part of this story.

• 1:13:59Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:14:00Speaker 01

  So, the, so then, I get, they robbed my house, and then I, they totally destroyed my security system. By the way, security system didn't do shit. They dismantled it like that.

• 1:14:10Theo Von?

  Nuh-uh.

• 1:14:10Speaker 01

  These guys are pros. They just came in, they cut some wires, it was done. And, uh, then they were gone. So I'm like, gotta redo my security system, so I pay for them to come and set up the whole thing again. And, uh- And then the cops come because they didn't do it right. The alarm goes off. I'm out of town. So the cops come, they're checking the property. This poor cop falls fifteen or so feet. Uh, like trying to check out my property, breaks his arm.

• 1:14:40Theo Von?

  No.

• 1:14:41Speaker 01

  Gun goes flying, baton goes in a bush.

• 1:14:44Theo Von?

  Dude.

• 1:14:45Speaker 01

  Did they catch it? It's a gnarly fall. No, so when the alarm goes off, uh, there was no one there. I get a call and the cop's like, hey, do you mind if we walk through your doors unlocked? I'm like, oh, did I get robbed again for the second time in two weeks? And he's like, uh, can I walk through your property? So I'm like, sure. Uh, he walks through, I don't get a call and then my neighbor calls me and he's like, hey, is everything okay? He sends me a video of this, I'll show you later, of this cop absolutely eating shit.

• 1:15:16Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:15:17Speaker 01

  I felt so bad for him. Also, like, you don't want the cops to hate you. I'm like.

• 1:15:20Theo Von?

  And did he fall off of something, off of a ledge or something?

• 1:15:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, so how they broke into my house was what also where they were checking. You can climb up the side of this hill to get in my bedroom.

• 1:15:31Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  And they like smashed a window to get in, but, uh, but the cops, the, when they put the window back in, my contractor didn't lock my door. Like a fucking bonehead, right? So.

• 1:15:43Theo Von?

  Like a hobo.

• 1:15:44Speaker 01

  Like a true hobo move. That's more of a tramp move.

• 1:15:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, that is a tramp.

• 1:15:49Speaker 01

  That's a tramp move.

• 1:15:50Theo Von?

  Bum move almost.

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, almost. I won't say that because that's too offensive to my contractor. But that was a tramp move, Greg.

• 1:15:57Theo Von?

  God, why'd you do it?

• 1:15:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, so.

• 1:15:59Theo Von?

  And so the cop went what?

• 1:16:01Speaker 01

  One cop went in the house, didn't find anyone lurking and then the other cop, I guess he was being a nice dude. He was like, I got some mud on my shoes. I don't want to, uh, tramp through this guy's home. So he tries to climb back down, split splat, falls fifteen feet. He gets up, his arms kind of dangling like this. And the other cop is down there. He's like, are you okay? Doesn't say, you know, when you're in a lot of pain?

• 1:16:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:27Speaker 01

  You don't say a word, like a lot of, like.

• 1:16:29Theo Von?

  You make a sound that doesn't have any sound?

• 1:16:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like.

• 1:16:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  And so he didn't say anything and I was like, oh, this guy's, he's not feeling right.

• 1:16:38Theo Von?

  Fuck.

• 1:16:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, felt bad for the poor guy.

• 1:16:41Theo Von?

  And did the burglars steal a lot of things that were important or no?

• 1:16:43Speaker 01

  No, they, I mean, it was just like-

• 1:16:45Theo Von?

  TVs and shit?

• 1:16:47Speaker 01

  Not even. They were like, they were like in and out in eight minutes. They stole like my wife's purses and stuff. Which by the way, I didn't know how much purses were. I was a little offended that this woman has this many purses. I was like, oh, there's just a few purses. And then she told me how much purses cost. I'm like, you gotta stop buying purses, lady. Damn.

• 1:17:04Theo Von?

  You're not gonna have anything to put in the purses.

• 1:17:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. I'm like, oh, the point of a purse is to hold the things that are important. But evidently the important thing is the outside? I didn't know that.

• 1:17:15Theo Von?

  That's kinda crazy. It's kind of an anomaly for what life is like or whatever. I don't know if anomaly is the right word, but that's unbelievable, dude.

• 1:17:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, so it sucked. His second time that house has been robbed. I'm a little bummed.

• 1:17:25Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:17:25Speaker 01

  So.

• 1:17:26Theo Von?

  I wonder if that's just happening more now. Do you hear your neighbors and stuff talking about it or no?

• 1:17:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, so Blake in his neighborhood has been a lot of thieves in the midst as well. They're saying it's like gangs. Like gangs are coming in and they, they like know their shit. Cause these, these guys took my internet down. They like had an internet blocker. So they pulled up, disconnected the internet.

• 1:17:48Theo Von?

  So that way the alarms won't go off or anything?

• 1:17:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, and so they, uh, well, the alarm would go off, but the like Ring cameras went down. So like, I didn't even know. I didn't even know it was robbed until my gardener was like cleaning and was gardening and he was like, Mr. Adam, uh, I don't think there should be a hole in your window, but it was right after those big winds we had, the, uh, El Nino's.

• 1:18:12Theo Von?

  Oh, God.

• 1:18:12Speaker 01

  The Santa Anas.

• 1:18:13Theo Von?

  You've been through a lot.

• 1:18:14Speaker 01

  And, uh, I was like, did a rock fly through the window?

• 1:18:17Theo Von?

  Yeah, what could have happened?

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. I was, I was like, yeah, what, what flew through? Did an, a mango? Did an orange fly through this window? Was it a run by fruit team? You know? But it wasn't. It was a, a criminal organization in my home. Yeah, dude.

• 1:18:32Theo Von?

  I wonder if they're tracking people, knowing when people are out of town, if they're like, especially if they're actors and stuff, if they're working at certain times or just?

• 1:18:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe.

• 1:18:40Theo Von?

  It's a brave move just to climb up somebody's balcony and see what's going on.

• 1:18:43Speaker 01

  Dude, it was at eight twenty-one PM. Like a time when people are out walking dogs and stuff. So, yeah, they were just-

• 1:18:50Theo Von?

  Or would have been home.

• 1:18:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it would have been home. Yeah, just-

• 1:18:53Theo Von?

  Chido Vera just had somebody pull up on him. You see that video? He's a UFC fighter and he was working in his truck. This is pretty crazy. First only UFC fighter, Cheeto Bear was working in his truck as a man with what appears to be a knife tried approaching him.

• 1:19:04Speaker 01

  Oh dude, well I mean, first of all, you see this guy working on his truck. He's got neck tattoos?

• 1:19:10Theo Von?

  Yeah, this dude pulls up, pulls a knife out right here.

• 1:19:12Speaker 01

  Oh, crazy.

• 1:19:18Speaker 01

  Oh, he's so lucky he didn't get shot in the back. Like, just like murders, murder town, USA?

• 1:19:24Theo Von?

  It shows you two UFC guys that they're ready, they think defense first.

• 1:19:28Speaker 01

  Dude, he has a shotgun just laying on his front, like that was so easily grabbable.

• 1:19:34Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:35Speaker 01

  Well, that's, that's, I mean, you're ready.

• 1:19:37Theo Von?

  You're ready. Those UFC guys are ready, dude. If you even fucking whisper to them wrong, you hit the wrong octave during a secret. And those guys will fuck it.

• 1:19:46Speaker 01

  They just, all of a sudden, they just got like throwing stars, just like, ding ding ding ding.

• 1:19:50Theo Von?

  Oh, they will remodel the way you breathe, dude. You have to really, you gotta be careful around those guys, they're severe.

• 1:19:56Speaker 01

  I feel like I couldn't, I mean, I, I own a gun, it's so tucked away. I would never get to it.

• 1:20:02Theo Von?

  You gotta put both legs down.

• 1:20:04Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:20:04Theo Von?

  Put like this.

• 1:20:05Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:20:06Theo Von?

  If you don't know if it's really a strong kickback, have your wife lean against your back like this, with her arm up.

• 1:20:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it's a lot, it's a lot to do.

• 1:20:13Theo Von?

  Right, but you guys are prepared as a team then.

• 1:20:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:15Theo Von?

  And you gotta pop off. I think if somebody, you know, I don't know, it's like, if somebody came in your room, what would you do? Say you wake up, right? You think there's somebody in your room, Adam?

• 1:20:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, I would like to think, I'm ready, ready to go.

• 1:20:32Theo Von?

  You say something first? Good evening, what do you do?

• 1:20:35Speaker 01

  Well, I was home, my alarm kept fucking up because they, when they redid it, they, they fucked up. So it would just go off, which is terrifying. And I'm up there staying by myself, and it was like, 1 a.m., I'm like trying to go to sleep, and all of a sudden the alarm goes off.

• 1:20:50Theo Von?

  After the burglary in your house?

• 1:20:51Speaker 01

  After the burglar, burglary, and I, I go, Hello?

• 1:20:56Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:57Speaker 01

  I like lower, I like, I like lower. I lower my voice, I'm like, sound not like me, I sounded. I I mean, it's so I'm like, hello.

• 1:21:10Speaker 01

  I've got a gun. I'm like, I don't have a gun.

• 1:21:13Theo Von?

  You sound like Peter Griffin, dude.

• 1:21:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I did.

• 1:21:15Theo Von?

  I've got a.

• 1:21:16Speaker 01

  I've got a gun.

• 1:21:19Theo Von?

  And who was?

• 1:21:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I sound like a like a guy who didn't make it on The Sopranos, like he auditioned, but did not get cast.

• 1:21:27Theo Von?

  I've got a gun.

• 1:21:28Speaker 01

  I've got a gun. Oh, I'm doing a bad dice.

• 1:21:32Theo Von?

  Hey, watch out. Oh, I got a gun.

• 1:21:38Theo Von?

  I'll shoot ya. The the burg- you you start playing that video from um from Home Alone.

• 1:21:45Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:47Theo Von?

  The burglars.

• 1:21:48Speaker 01

  You dirty animals.

• 1:21:50Theo Von?

  Keep that change. You're they're laughing so hard in the other room, the burglars.

• 1:21:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're still stealing all my shit. Just like, this guy's good, man.

• 1:21:58Theo Von?

  This guy's a bad. We gotta steal from here more often. Will you keep? Will you keep a home? Um, God, you've had a life riddled with things, man.

• 1:22:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:22:07Theo Von?

  I didn't realize that.

• 1:22:08Speaker 01

  I'm riddled.

• 1:22:09Theo Von?

  You've had a lot of riddling going on. Will you keep up? Will you keep a home in Charleston? Are you glad to be gone from Charleston?

• 1:22:17Speaker 01

  I'm I'm gonna miss Charleston. I wish I would have bought a place there just so I had more of a reason to go back all the time. Uh, but and also not a lot of crime there, so I probably would have been safe. Um, yeah, have you been? Have you spent any time in Charleston?

• 1:22:33Theo Von?

  I lived in Charleston for a while.

• 1:22:34Speaker 01

  Oh, you did?

• 1:22:34Theo Von?

  Yeah, hitchhiked up there to chase a girl that I was in love with that. I almost had almost didn't have to get a cease and restraining or whatever, but it got close to, you know, just loitering late at night.

• 1:22:46Speaker 01

  That's okay. It was a little rear window situation.

• 1:22:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, we've all been through some things, right?

• 1:22:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:52Theo Von?

  It was college times.

• 1:22:53Speaker 01

  You were practicing for an upcoming role of a stalker.

• 1:22:57Theo Von?

  What? I was just, this is I'm an actor. I'm researching a role.

• 1:23:04Theo Von?

  Like we haven't been, we haven't seen you in any roles.

• 1:23:06Speaker 01

  Yes, I know I'm only seventeen and I I'm not, I've never acted in anything, nor do I have a career.

• 1:23:13Theo Von?

  How do you expect me to get a role?

• 1:23:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've got to practice.

• 1:23:16Theo Von?

  But that was, um, yeah, I love it there. I mean, it's amazing. Um, yeah, um, Danny McBride said that you and, uh, Tony would go and work out a lot over there. Was that a real thing?

• 1:23:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, we were, oh, he's like a fucking true athlete. He's got like a real jawline. Mine, mine like ebbs and flows. Yeah, look, he's all jacked. Look at that guy. He's real jacked and juicy. Uh, I'm, I'm less jacked and, and less juicy, but I do, what's weird is we work out to get, we would work out together all the time. And his body morphed into that and I, I look like how I look like, you know, like a regular guy.

• 1:23:51Theo Von?

  Yeah, like a guy, yeah.

• 1:23:52Speaker 01

  Like it's just a guy you see and you're like, I bet he eats cheeseburgers.

• 1:23:55Theo Von?

  Yeah, I hope that guy's okay.

• 1:23:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, with me, with me?

• 1:23:58Theo Von?

  I think people are like, yeah, I hope that guy's, you know.

• 1:24:00Speaker 01

  Like you, you think I look like I'm not okay?

• 1:24:02Theo Von?

  No, I think you seem like, um.

• 1:24:05Speaker 01

  Like, oh, I hope that guy's okay.

• 1:24:07Theo Von?

  I'm trying to think of a job that I would see. Say if I saw you, oh, mailman, son of, uh, son of mailman. Proud, proud, son of a mailman who's trying to make this father proud. Mail boy.

• 1:24:18Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 1:24:19Theo Von?

  Mail boy.

• 1:24:19Speaker 01

  Uh, and I'm not offended.

• 1:24:21Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:21Speaker 01

  I'm not offended by that.

• 1:24:22Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:24:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:23Theo Von?

  Appreciate that.

• 1:24:24Speaker 01

  I think that's, that's a, a fair assessment of what I look like. Yeah, I think I look like, where, where you're like, ah, maybe that guy works out. My neighbor hilariously saw me, she's like a, she's the daughter of the people that live next door to me. And she's, was like twenty-two and she saw me working out in my garage. Sometimes I work out in my garage and I have my shirt off. And, uh, she, she stopped and she goes, oh, hey. And I'm like, hey, how's it going? And she goes, wow, I didn't know you worked out. Offended, dude. That's an offensive thing to say to someone.

• 1:24:54Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, so, but I do.

• 1:24:58Theo Von?

  Yeah, that's like if you show somebody your wiener, like a chick, your wiener, like I didn't know you'd have a wiener.

• 1:25:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:03Theo Von?

  Like, whoa.

• 1:25:05Speaker 01

  That's a, yeah.

• 1:25:07Theo Von?

  Okay.

• 1:25:07Speaker 01

  I think it's fairly obvious that I would have one of those. Yeah.

• 1:25:11Theo Von?

  Then I need to get some different clothes, I think, or.

• 1:25:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, spruce up, yeah.

• 1:25:16Theo Von?

  I need to spruce up.

• 1:25:17Speaker 01

  Grow the facial hair out a little bit.

• 1:25:18Theo Von?

  Spruce down.

• 1:25:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:25:19Theo Von?

  Dude, can you believe that mail is still a thing? Getting mail. Can you believe that right now, as we talk, sometime today, a man, a grown man or grown woman?

• 1:25:28Speaker 01

  That looks like me. I'm just trying to make my father proud.

• 1:25:32Theo Von?

  Yeah, that looks like you.

• 1:25:34Speaker 01

  I like, that's what I'm making my father proud. He's like, he's gonna see me delivering this mail and he's gonna, he's gonna look at me and be like, look at this bright shooting star. He's gonna see me as Danny McBride at that party, walking through the cloud of smoke. You're a bright shooting star as I, as I'm sliding some mail through a slot.

• 1:25:53Theo Von?

  Uh, yeah, but can you believe, somebody's gonna do that today. Instead of just emailing us and telling us what they need to tell us.

• 1:26:00Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:26:00Theo Von?

  Someone is going to drive over to our house.

• 1:26:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's wild.

• 1:26:04Theo Von?

  Walk up there, risk getting attacked by a dog, cause that's their, that's all they do all day is battle dogs.

• 1:26:09Speaker 01

  Dogs hate mailmen.

• 1:26:10Theo Von?

  Battle dogs, battle senior citizens and gangs that are like, fuck mail.

• 1:26:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're like, give me that fucking mail. By the way, there's never anything good in mail. It's either like, a ticket. It's like, oh, I gotta pay this thing. Like, they finally tracked me down.

• 1:26:24Theo Von?

  Or a coupon.

• 1:26:25Speaker 01

  Or just a, or just a coupon for a place you never want to go to.

• 1:26:29Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:29Speaker 01

  They're like, hey, you want a car detail? Drive two and a half hours to this place and I'll give you fifteen dollars off. You're like, oh, fuck, I don't know. Is that worth it? I feel like the gas is gonna offset the discounts, but.

• 1:26:44Theo Von?

  And there's even a lot of the things now, it's like, are you interested in foster care? It's just like the, it used to just be like discounts on avocados and stuff, but now it's like, the mail has gotten really, really crazy, man. It's gotten pretty rogue, I feel like.

• 1:26:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, for me, it's all just like, hey, do you wanna buy your neighbor's house?

• 1:27:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:01Speaker 01

  Cause it's all just like people go in like. Here's a house in your neighborhood that you can buy. And I'm like, I already live in my neighborhood. I'm not trying to move three houses down. I live in this neighborhood, dude. Quit fucking telling me about a house that's nearby. You know?

• 1:27:16Theo Von?

  That's so true. It's like, if I'm living in a house, you would think you wouldn't come advertise to me to buy a house.

• 1:27:23Speaker 01

  Next, like next door. Or like maybe go like, hey, do you want to live somewhere cooler than like if you're, it's kind of a whatever neighborhood? And you're like, you want to live in like a slightly better neighborhood?

• 1:27:33Theo Von?

  I'll think about it.

• 1:27:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, but there's like literally my neighborhood.

• 1:27:37Theo Von?

  You've done some fun things, man. You got to do some wrestling recently. Is that right?

• 1:27:40Speaker 01

  Oh, you see that?

• 1:27:41Theo Von?

  Yeah, bring it up.

• 1:27:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude, I did some fucking choke slam.

• 1:27:45Theo Von?

  AEW. Great job. I know. I saw that right there. AEW. Righteous Gymstar, Adam Devine hits up AEW.

• 1:27:51Speaker 01

  Wow, look at this. Is this a stiff person? I don't think so, Jack. Is that a stiff person? Those jeans are hanging on. Yeah. Those jeans are hanging on by a thread right there. Oh, butt cheeks. Kaboom! Woo! Flexing with all my might, flexing with all my might.

• 1:28:07Theo Von?

  You'd have been a good wrestler, man.

• 1:28:08Speaker 01

  Thank you for saying that, dude. Or a mailman.

• 1:28:12Theo Von?

  Look at this, dude. Now you guys all kind of look like Tony right there. I feel like you're all giving a lot of Tony Cavallaro energy right there.

• 1:28:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:18Theo Von?

  I gotta get Tony in here soon.

• 1:28:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, get him in here. He's a good, he's a good guy.

• 1:28:22Theo Von?

  He's one of a kind, man.

• 1:28:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:24Theo Von?

  He checks in on me all, like not all, but every couple of months he'll check in and just say, hey.

• 1:28:28Speaker 01

  What a sweetheart.

• 1:28:29Theo Von?

  You know?

• 1:28:29Speaker 01

  He's just a sweet man. Do you know him?

• 1:28:33Theo Von?

  I know him pretty decently. Yeah. I do know him. I've, I've really, uh, yeah, he's an exceptional guy. He just, he has a way of always staying positive, it seems like.

• 1:28:43Speaker 01

  He's one of those guys that, uh, that it's, it's nice. I collect those guys, like as my friends. I like to have some people that just hype you up. You know, because Adam Ray is like that as well. And I, Adam used to open up for me on the road all the time. And it was nice when you're on the road to have someone, you know, you're kind of like, oh, man, we gotta travel again today, yada, yada. To just have someone be like, how great is this?

• 1:29:09Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:29:09Speaker 01

  How sick is this theater?

• 1:29:10Theo Von?

  Yes. You need somebody to be, be the positive. You're overwhelmed.

• 1:29:13Speaker 01

  Hype you up and you're like, yeah, it is sick. Look at, look at us go. Get in here, buddy.

• 1:29:19Theo Von?

  Yeah, I got guy like Amir K comes with me.

• 1:29:21Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, dude. Amir, Amir's a positive guy.

• 1:29:23Theo Von?

  Lee Kimbrel, he comes through. The Kentucky Nightmare, I think is his nickname or something. Kentucky wolf cat or something, but he comes through and they're both have good energy. Just positive. They're like, let's go do something. And I do too, but it's like, yeah, I just get like.

• 1:29:39Speaker 01

  I feel like both. We're pretty positive guys.

• 1:29:41Theo Von?

  You just gotta get ready for the show though. It's like, you know, it's like I spend a lot of my time taking care of myself like you're saying.

• 1:29:45Speaker 01

  Mm hmm. Stretching.

• 1:29:47Theo Von?

  Stretching. I'll get into town. It's like, yeah, stretching, getting an ice bath, trying to work out, getting an IV.

• 1:29:52Speaker 01

  With a, you fucks with a cold plunge?

• 1:29:54Theo Von?

  All of it.

• 1:29:54Speaker 01

  Dude, me too.

• 1:29:55Theo Von?

  I was in it last night.

• 1:29:56Speaker 01

  I like a cold plunge.

• 1:29:57Theo Von?

  It's so nice.

• 1:29:58Speaker 01

  What you keep your cold plunge at?

• 1:29:59Theo Von?

  Me? I keep it right at about fifty-four.

• 1:30:01Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 1:30:02Theo Von?

  And I'll do ten minutes in there.

• 1:30:03Speaker 01

  Ten minutes. I, I keep it at forty and I'll do three to five.

• 1:30:06Theo Von?

  Ooh, forty is baby, baby. That's cold.

• 1:30:09Speaker 01

  That's ice, ice cold. And I, uh.

• 1:30:12Theo Von?

  I really can't stay. It's cold outside.

• 1:30:16Speaker 01

  That, that, isn't that song just like about like, like rape or something?

• 1:30:19Theo Von?

  They said it was allegedly about date, like tricking a girl and us saying, oh, that's you?

• 1:30:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, there I am.

• 1:30:25Theo Von?

  That's at your house?

• 1:30:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's at my house. Yeah, dude, look at.

• 1:30:29Theo Von?

  That's a nice one, huh?

• 1:30:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, Renew. They're, they're, they're great, dude.

• 1:30:32Theo Von?

  They are?

• 1:30:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, Renew cold plunges. They're pretty fantastic.

• 1:30:36Theo Von?

  I got a Blue Cube one that I keep in my garage that they, uh, a friend of mine made, but they're both, um.

• 1:30:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're, they're great. Uh, in cold plunging, it's the kind of thing though that I wish, now that I have it, I do it less. I feel like I used to seek it out.

• 1:30:52Theo Von?

  Oh, really?

• 1:30:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, now that it's there, I'm like, I could get in it right now, or I'll get in it later. It'll be later.

• 1:30:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:59Speaker 01

  You know what I should do? I should just crank the heat up on it because it's so cold. It's like, you get it like your joints are like.

• 1:31:06Theo Von?

  Make it a hot bath in there, you think?

• 1:31:08Speaker 01

  No, just make it fifty-two or whatever.

• 1:31:10Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah. I like doing that for ten minutes. That for me sets me in a good range, you know?

• 1:31:16Speaker 01

  Um, isn't it weird that now we're like all about health and fitness, but it catches ten years ago and we're just like little scum buckets?

• 1:31:23Theo Von?

  Oh, God.

• 1:31:24Speaker 01

  I know myself, I was just like gargling with vodka, just like.

• 1:31:28Theo Von?

  Were you? They didn't, huh?

• 1:31:29Speaker 01

  Oh, dude, just going for it, just every night.

• 1:31:33Theo Von?

  Were you drinking a lot?

• 1:31:35Speaker 01

  I drink, yeah, I would drink a lot.

• 1:31:37Theo Von?

  Wow, where were you drinking at?

• 1:31:38Speaker 01

  Just like the comedy club or whatever like back when I was I mean maybe not ten yeah maybe ten years ago but like That's when Workaholics was sort of peaking so probably

• 1:31:47Theo Von?

  Yeah, you've been working for a long time.

• 1:31:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, like anything yeah but anything like back when I was in the comedy clubs all the time or like When you're on the road all the time that's an easy place just because you're in a new place and you're like well let's go to the bar after the show or whatever.

• 1:32:01Theo Von?

  That's for sure. Did you guys drink at AEW? Who'd you guys fight in AEW? Did you fight? Because I saw Big Justice out there.

• 1:32:08Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I was I was looking at the Rizler and I'm like I might be able to take him, you know?

• 1:32:13Theo Von?

  I saw him the other night.

• 1:32:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's nine years old. Rizler's everywhere, dude. Oh, I think I offended these guys, Big Justice and Because I I said I didn't even take a bite of the cookie and then I said, look at it at Big Justice's eyes. Because I said, he's upset because I gave it three booms without tasting it. And I guess you're supposed to give it five booms?

• 1:32:34Theo Von?

  What? Who has time to do five booms?

• 1:32:36Speaker 01

  They do. They have all the time to do the booms, dude. And I didn't know. I I might. This was at the Super Bowl. I might have been a few drinks deep.

• 1:32:43Theo Von?

  Yeah, for sure. First of all, you're touching the back of a child, so already.

• 1:32:47Speaker 01

  I'm touching a child. Look at like my my my face is hanging a little bit.

• 1:32:53Theo Von?

  Dude, this looks like literally a Christmas card from Epstein's Island right here, dude. There's a fucking, there is a brave Italian, which some people would say like kind of the Magellan of Costco. There's a Costco Magellan with a child, okay?

• 1:33:08Speaker 01

  With just his son, yeah.

• 1:33:09Theo Von?

  With, okay, that is his son.

• 1:33:11Speaker 01

  I believe so. I believe so, yeah.

• 1:33:12Theo Von?

  And then there's Adam Devine who's had a couple of drinks.

• 1:33:15Speaker 01

  Just lurking.

• 1:33:16Theo Von?

  Super Bowl.

• 1:33:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, lurking, dude. Uh, would you, if you were, I mean, real talk, if you didn't know Epstein was a creep? And he invites you, he's just a cool billionaire that you met at a party. Uh, and you're not getting any weird vibes. He asks you, he's like, hey, I got this jet. You want to come to my island? You got nothing going on that week. You'd go to the island, right? I, me too. When people are like, the, check the logs. I'm like, not everybody. Because even creeps gotta take a day off. Like even, you're not fucking the, the kids every day.

• 1:33:49Theo Von?

  Yeah, if you're a pervert, yeah, that's a probably a seasonal or like, um.

• 1:33:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a special event for them.

• 1:33:55Theo Von?

  It's like, just when your dudes are there to party. It's like, but otherwise, you have to also have like, regular people come. Because here's the thing, you have to keep up the ruse.

• 1:34:04Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:34:04Theo Von?

  That it's a regular place where people go to have fun.

• 1:34:07Speaker 01

  That's what I think.

• 1:34:07Theo Von?

  So that the guys who do go and perv, or the females that do go and perv out there.

• 1:34:12Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:34:12Theo Von?

  Because it could have been men and women that doing it. And I'm not talking about the young people.

• 1:34:16Speaker 01

  We don't know.

• 1:34:16Theo Von?

  But the adults, they need to be able to trick their spouses into believing that they go there.

• 1:34:21Speaker 01

  And they're like, you've been there the one time. You know it's a chill place. There's coconuts.

• 1:34:25Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:25Speaker 01

  There's coconuts and trees.

• 1:34:26Theo Von?

  Ukulele.

• 1:34:27Speaker 01

  There's like that guy doing the ukulele. There's the fire dancers that come out and perform.

• 1:34:31Theo Von?

  Yeah, there's like the, there's like a lot of young kids whose parents aren't there, do, starting a band or whatever.

• 1:34:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're just starting a band.

• 1:34:37Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're just, you know.

• 1:34:38Theo Von?

  This is getting dark.

• 1:34:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, there's a character. Yeah, there's like a guy just doing funny. Yeah, yeah, he's just doing little artworks where you're like, makes your nose too big, so that that kind of offends you, but you're like, it's funny, right? And everyone's like, it's really funny. And you're like, okay.

• 1:34:52Theo Von?

  All right.

• 1:34:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, all right.

• 1:34:53Theo Von?

  Yeah, I, you're right.

• 1:34:55Speaker 01

  I see that. And I'm like, I don't know about, I don't think all of them are creeps. Like, for sure, some, for sure, for sure, some are.

• 1:35:00Theo Von?

  We haven't gotten, dude, there, there's no way we're ever getting the real Epstein files. It's been redacted. It's being manipulated right now so much.

• 1:35:09Speaker 01

  Some of these politicians are probably on it.

• 1:35:12Theo Von?

  Yeah, they're on it. And they're like, and even whether they were the ones doing dastardly deeds or not, who knows?

• 1:35:18Speaker 01

  I don't know. But you, if your name is on it, like if, if your name was on it, you don't want it out, even if you didn't do anything wrong.

• 1:35:26Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:27Speaker 01

  Even though you were just there sipping on a smoothie, or just having a fun afternoon on a, on this cool private island.

• 1:35:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:33Speaker 01

  I haven't been on a ton of private islands. I would like to go.

• 1:35:36Theo Von?

  Yeah, I got invited to one, one time. I think it was LaVar Burton. Was it LeVar Burton?

• 1:35:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, maybe he's a Reading Rainbow guy. He's got a private island.

• 1:35:46Theo Von?

  Does he do the Virgin Airlines or whatever?

• 1:35:48Speaker 01

  No, no, that's uh.

• 1:35:50Theo Von?

  LeVar Arrington, maybe? No.

• 1:35:51Speaker 01

  That is not his name. It's not LeVar, even a little bit. Richard Branson, yes. Very much not LeVar. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you went to, you went there?

• 1:36:02Theo Von?

  No, they were doing something. He has an island. There was, there was something there and they um.

• 1:36:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:06Theo Von?

  I somehow got invited. I, I.

• 1:36:08Speaker 01

  Oh, sick.

• 1:36:08Theo Von?

  Didn't seem like something that was for me, maybe. I don't know. It seemed like um.

• 1:36:12Speaker 01

  Okay, so maybe you wouldn't go to Epstein Island. Maybe I would be the one to get tricked.

• 1:36:16Theo Von?

  But here's the thing. Say you're at Epstein Island and you notice things weird. What do you then? You just stay on the tennis courts or whatever? Like, what would you do all weekend?

• 1:36:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're just like, you, you call yourself the pickleball king and you're just always just over there trying to not see some shit.

• 1:36:28Theo Von?

  Playing both sides?

• 1:36:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. There's no one to hit to because everyone's like, ah, this back dark room seems a lot of fun. Um, yeah, and also like the Diddy white parties. I'm glad I was never during that peak. Like I was, I was talking with my boys. I was like, dude, if we threw out a different vibe in the Workaholics days when it was, when it's just peaking and that we get the invite, like, hey, do you want to go to the Diddy party? I'm going all white, everything.

• 1:36:58Theo Von?

  Well, if Shamar Moore would have been one of the um, one of the Workaholics, or if you'd had like a probably a more of a black cast member, urban cast member, then you might, and say you, there's then there's a chance to get invited.

• 1:37:09Speaker 01

  Was more plugged in.

• 1:37:10Theo Von?

  Right. Eric Griffin was a little bit more Griffin than Eric.

• 1:37:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:37:14Theo Von?

  Then I think, then yeah, you could have been invited. And then if you get there, then what do you see? They just brought up Drewski in a thing. Did you see that?

• 1:37:21Speaker 01

  I did, but he then came out. He's like, dude.

• 1:37:23Theo Von?

  Said it had nothing to do with it.

• 1:37:24Speaker 01

  It was like in 2018, I was living in my mom's basement. I'm like, yeah, that's probably true.

• 1:37:29Theo Von?

  But it's just crazy. Why, but why even let that leak? You have to start thinking if something gets leaked, why are they doing? Like, because it's all some manipulative tactic, you know?

• 1:37:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. And so I don't know. I mean, who knows? Obviously, there's victims and, and people were doing dastardly things.

• 1:37:44Theo Von?

  But you never heard anything about that when you were?

• 1:37:46Speaker 01

  No, I didn't. You know, I just wasn't cool. Like, I, I, I didn't get those invites. I for sure would have gone there and just like kicked it. By the fucking shrimp cocktail.

• 1:37:58Theo Von?

  Nachos or whatever, yeah.

• 1:37:58Speaker 01

  You know, just eating like, you know, they have like a seafood tower.

• 1:38:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:38:03Speaker 01

  You know, this is a ditty party. You know, there's like towers of seafood. So I'm just eating there, eating crab legs, licking up the butter. They're like, someone's trying to tag me in to the orgy, just covered in oil.

• 1:38:15Theo Von?

  You're like, no.

• 1:38:15Speaker 01

  You do that thing.

• 1:38:16Theo Von?

  Your legs, you're like.

• 1:38:17Speaker 01

  I can't because of all the scars. I can't. Dick, dick chopped off. Dick was lopped off in the accident. Uh, you do that thing where you know how break dancers, they start to do the break dance, but then they don't get going. You know, that's, that's what you do. You're like, oh shit. Oh, oh, pull the hammy. Pull the hammy right quick. I can't get in the orgy.

• 1:38:39Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, that's why I'd have been, I'd have been like in the vaping section on the side of the orgy. If they're like, oh, if somebody gets hurt, if a couple of people get hurt.

• 1:38:46Speaker 01

  Oh, you're like deep, you're deep on the bench.

• 1:38:48Theo Von?

  It's like when they put in the water guy from like to make that three point shot or they put in the, uh, down syndrome guy to make the six pointer or whatever. They tell him it's a six pointer. That's what I would have been in.

• 1:38:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're real deep on the bench when you come out, but then you hit that, that money shot. You're the hero. You're the hero of the whole party.

• 1:39:04Theo Von?

  People go crazy. Did you, um, did you get to body slam big justice? Did you see the Rizler? You fight him too?

• 1:39:10Speaker 01

  I didn't fight the Rizler. No, I, and, uh, yeah, I didn't, I didn't get to fight any of the children, which I was bummed. I was bummed.

• 1:39:20Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:39:21Speaker 01

  Uh, cause I'm like, someone needs to take these kids down and, and I'm about their size, dude. I'm not that. But no, I, I, I only choke slammed an adult male. So that kind of sucked.

• 1:39:32Theo Von?

  But if you got the chance to remodel the fucking skeleton, dude, I love this phrase, remodel.

• 1:39:38Speaker 01

  Or one of these, of one of these boom babies, dude.

• 1:39:41Theo Von?

  Take them down. Yeah.

• 1:39:43Speaker 01

  Did they boom in front of you?

• 1:39:44Theo Von?

  Got the boom now.

• 1:39:45Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:39:45Theo Von?

  Who's got the boom now, bitch?

• 1:39:47Speaker 01

  Did they steal the boom?

• 1:39:48Theo Von?

  Uh.

• 1:39:49Speaker 01

  Did they, did they boom in front of you or not?

• 1:39:50Theo Von?

  There's a lot of booming. They're booming all over. Anywhere they go, they're booming, dude. Have you not met the boom guys?

• 1:39:55Speaker 01

  I never, I, I met the Rizler the other night at dinner. I saw him.

• 1:39:58Theo Von?

  Oh dude.

• 1:39:59Speaker 01

  But dude, he was drinking Dr. Pepper.

• 1:40:01Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:01Speaker 01

  It was past eight forty-five. I'm like.

• 1:40:03Theo Von?

  He's a wild man.

• 1:40:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, the, I mean, they, these kids are off the rails. Uh, but I like that, that the, it's a new generation of superstars. Oh, there you are at Craig's. Uh, a new generation of superstar children. Like, this used to be like Corey Haim, you know?

• 1:40:17Theo Von?

  Right. Oh, yeah, he's the Macaulay Culkin of our time. That's what I'm saying.

• 1:40:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. Uh, but it seems like they're not going off the rails. We'll find out here in 15 years if he's gonna have like a sad tale about his time.

• 1:40:29Theo Von?

  Well, how does it end? Yeah, that's the thing. You have to look 10 years in the future.

• 1:40:32Speaker 01

  Because he's a superstar, dude. He does, he does this maneuver. People go wild.

• 1:40:37Theo Von?

  He was crazy, man.

• 1:40:38Speaker 01

  It's, it's his, "Ahhhhh", you know?

• 1:40:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:40:40Speaker 01

  Look, someone already beat you, beat you to it. They knew exactly. The internet undefeated, man. You have a good idea? It's, it's up there. It's already, they already did it.

• 1:40:49Theo Von?

  It's done.

• 1:40:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:50Theo Von?

  Was there a movie that you wanted that, like, well, yeah, the Riz, I mean, I'll tell you this, he definitely seemed like his grades were failing. Somebody's like, "His grades suck." That's what I heard.

• 1:40:58Speaker 01

  Oh, really?

• 1:40:58Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:59Speaker 01

  Word, word at Craig's?

• 1:41:00Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. People were passing around those, those pot pies they have at Craig's and they're like, "Hey, before you take a bite of that, just know the Riz's grades fucking suck."

• 1:41:10Theo Von?

  Suck, dude. Dude, he had a little tattoo that said, "Fuck social studies."

• 1:41:13Speaker 01

  Oh, damn, dude. That's rough. That's a wild tat to have at that age.

• 1:41:19Theo Von?

  So, obviously, he's been going through a lot, you know? He said he, I said, I said, he said this, "These lips haven't seen a school lunch in two years." That's what he said. So, obviously, he's living high on the hog.

• 1:41:29Speaker 01

  Dude, I don't even know. I, I thought he was mute because all I've ever seen him do is...

• 1:41:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:41:35Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gotta, it's the shhh.

• 1:41:38Theo Von?

  He does too many things, though, kinda.

• 1:41:40Speaker 01

  I think, I, I think, I think it's just this, right? And he's showing his jawline. That, that, that's what's kinda cool about him is he doesn't have much of a jawline, but I like, he's just like, "I don't give a shit. I got the Riz, so come, come at me." It's like a, a good way to build up, uh, self-esteem, you know, for, for children that are out there.

• 1:42:01Theo Von?

  Some people are saying he's young gravy. He's the actual young gravy.

• 1:42:04Speaker 01

  You know, young gravy was at the wrestling event too.

• 1:42:07Theo Von?

  Nuh uh.

• 1:42:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, the young and young gravy was at the Super Bowl where I was also hanging out with Big Justice. So that, I mean, they're running in the same circles, dude.

• 1:42:17Theo Von?

  You guys have the same menstrual cycle or something.

• 1:42:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I guess so, yeah.

• 1:42:20Theo Von?

  But that's crazy. And but here's here's the craziest part to me is that Big Justice isn't related to The Rizler, so.

• 1:42:28Speaker 01

  I thought they were brothers, dude. I thought they were brothers. These are just two social media kids getting together, doing doing their their social media things.

• 1:42:37Theo Von?

  That dude, years from now, there will be like, um, like these like baseball card signing things where it would be like, The Rizler, um, you and me will be there.

• 1:42:45Speaker 01

  That'd be sick.

• 1:42:46Theo Von?

  Um, water baby or whatever, some baby that survives on like a the, um.

• 1:42:50Speaker 01

  You know, I think I'm gonna do a thing with TOPS. To have a baseball card.

• 1:42:54Theo Von?

  Really?

• 1:42:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, you should. I bet they they'll make a baseball card of you. It's kinda sick. It's kinda cool.

• 1:42:59Theo Von?

  It would be kinda cool.

• 1:43:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:43:00Theo Von?

  And then there's these kids, M D Foodie Boys, everybody's been watching them.

• 1:43:03Speaker 01

  I like those M D Foodie Boys. I like them because they're so sincere about like, have you tried nachos with jalapenos?

• 1:43:10Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:10Speaker 01

  It's actually pretty good. Yeah.

• 1:43:12Theo Von?

  Let's watch one.

• 1:43:14Speaker 03

  I'm just a, if I had to choose, it'd probably be like pepperoni, but I'm not a big, I'm not a big, I'm just a regular cheese guy. I just do cheese. I don't, I don't do, I just do cheese. I don't really like pepperoni. It's, I don't really taste. I'll do pepperoni, but same thing like. Yeah. Lots of them are big pepperoni fans.

• 1:43:33Speaker 01

  Dude, this is the podcast and people love it and I also love it. They're just so sincere, man.

• 1:43:37Theo Von?

  How can you not have a, how can you, was there an age where you didn't like, where you just didn't care? It, it's just unbelievable.

• 1:43:45Speaker 01

  You're riled up right now, dude. Now, I've, I don't know if I've ever seen you this riled.

• 1:43:48Theo Von?

  Well, I don't understand. It's like, whoa, you're the Foodie Boys, but dude, what are you talking about?

• 1:43:53Speaker 01

  Whoa, dude. It's okay. No, it's fine. No, I like it. I like it. I like it.

• 1:43:57Theo Von?

  It just fucking irks me because. Do, talk about some food. Talk about some ragatoni or something. Talk about some, um.

• 1:44:03Speaker 01

  See, well, this is the genius. You start off, you start off, they're little kids, right? So they're starting off with like, hot dogs. Like what condiments you like? Do you like, on your cheeseburger, what condiments? Mostly condiment based. Now, now they're moving on to pizza. What things do you like on your pizza? And then as they grow, the, the dishes get more complex.

• 1:44:24Theo Von?

  Like a tiramisu or something?

• 1:44:25Speaker 01

  We're gonna grow with them and their flavor palettes. I think that's, I think that's what people love and relate to because it's, because you're not going to them for an actual like, this is the flavor. They're not like chefs, they're children. So it's just kind of funny to watch these kids sincerely talk about whether they like pepperoni on their pizza or not.

• 1:44:48Theo Von?

  Got it.

• 1:44:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:44:49Theo Von?

  Well, I just think, um, yeah, I just, I don't know. There's, uh, yeah, I guess, am I hating on children now? What am I doing? You're right.

• 1:44:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's okay.

• 1:44:59Theo Von?

  I'm excited for them.

• 1:45:00Speaker 01

  It's okay to hate on.

• 1:45:00Theo Von?

  Soup or something, at least I wanna see them evolve a little.

• 1:45:04Speaker 01

  Spacio or something?

• 1:45:05Theo Von?

  Well, just a four minute conversation about if pepperoni on, but no information. It's a, it's, that's the thing. It's astounding to have four people and walk away from each conversation they do with zero information at all.

• 1:45:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45:20Theo Von?

  About food.

• 1:45:21Speaker 01

  What you're saying.

• 1:45:22Theo Von?

  About food at all.

• 1:45:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, I understand what you're saying, but I, I think.

• 1:45:25Theo Von?

  I wish them luck.

• 1:45:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think they're, I mean, the runaway successes. I mean, I'm sure people look at my career and are like, what is he doing? Like, this sucks.

• 1:45:34Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:45:34Speaker 01

  Like, why doesn't he do X, Y, Z? I'm like, I'm just doing me, baby.

• 1:45:38Theo Von?

  There they are right now. But how does it end? McLovin, that kid?

• 1:45:42Speaker 01

  McLovin, uh, No Name.

• 1:45:44Theo Von?

  What's the one? McGriddle is the middle one, right?

• 1:45:46Speaker 01

  Perm.

• 1:45:46Theo Von?

  Okay, you have No Name, McGriddle, Chub Perm.

• 1:45:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:45:50Theo Von?

  So that's also, I think that's a, isn't that a trans wrestler?

• 1:45:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, it seems like it could be. Uh, he's got a, he's got an earring. He's, he's kind of the bad boy of the group.

• 1:46:01Theo Von?

  That's a good point.

• 1:46:02Speaker 01

  Sick.

• 1:46:03Theo Von?

  They're basically, they're the new kids on the, um.

• 1:46:07Speaker 01

  On the block.

• 1:46:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh, did you ever have a, an ear piercing? Did you ever?

• 1:46:11Theo Von?

  Yeah, I had two of them. Did you?

• 1:46:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, I did too.

• 1:46:13Theo Von?

  Fuck.

• 1:46:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, dude.

• 1:46:14Theo Von?

  That shit was so fun, dude.

• 1:46:16Speaker 01

  It was, we were kinda fucking sick.

• 1:46:18Theo Von?

  And you would still force something in it on days you needed to feel cool.

• 1:46:21Speaker 01

  Dude, I would, yeah, I try, I, I wanted to get a gage. I wanted to have like, I wanted to be that guy.

• 1:46:27Theo Von?

  Well, your characters had that, haven't they?

• 1:46:28Speaker 01

  I wanted, I wanted a lip piercing. I wanted the whole thing. I wanted to be punk rock dude. I mean, I'm fucking, I got an Article 10 tattoo.

• 1:46:36Theo Von?

  Oh, you did. Well, you have a lot of, um, you seem like you've been through a lot.

• 1:46:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:40Theo Von?

  Like a child of a Vietnam, like a Vietnam veteran, somebody you, you know?

• 1:46:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've, I've, I, I went through, I, I am happy to say I never went through like, you know how some kids were like, oh, I went through an emo phase? Or I went through like a goth phase. I'm glad I didn't go down like a weird path where you're like, yeah, I'm, I wore a lot of fishnets in seventh grade or whatever.

• 1:47:00Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:47:01Speaker 01

  Uh, I'm glad I didn't do that. I had like small waves where, yeah, I would bleach the tips of my hair.

• 1:47:07Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:47:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I got a, a piercing, uh, you know, in the left ear.

• 1:47:11Theo Von?

  You ever pierce your nipples or no?

• 1:47:13Speaker 01

  No, I never did the nips.

• 1:47:14Theo Von?

  You do? No, I never did that.

• 1:47:15Speaker 01

  No, you never did.

• 1:47:16Theo Von?

  That was a little wild for me. That guy who did that was starting to be, he was doing a lot of drugs and he was secretly probably touching men in his car or whatever. Men who wanted it.

• 1:47:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, uh, I, I had a friend, not a friend, a guy I knew in high school.

• 1:47:32Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 1:47:32Speaker 01

  Uh, not a friend, not a friend.

• 1:47:34Theo Von?

  Redacted, okay.

• 1:47:36Speaker 01

  Uh, he pierces his dick in high school, dude. In high school. And I know for a fact he wasn't getting laid, but he was saying like how good it, it's gonna, like it's gonna feel.

• 1:47:48Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:47:48Speaker 01

  And he was saying like, it feels so good. And I'm like, I know you're not getting laid, dude. We're both sixteen, seventeen years old. I know that. And also what kind of piercer is seeing a seventeen, sixteen year old boy and is like, let me, I'll get, I'll be the one to get in there?

• 1:48:03Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:03Speaker 01

  It was, the whole thing was bizarre.

• 1:48:05Theo Von?

  Do you remember when the first guy hooked up with a girl and then the next weekend you guys all went out or something? He like suddenly had a condom in his wallet or something? Or it was like suddenly, he was like, he would be like, if the girls come, let me talk to them, or just like.

• 1:48:20Speaker 01

  Dude, it was seventh and eighth grade, my one friend started having sex with our other friend. And it was unreal. And it was years.

• 1:48:30Theo Von?

  Dear God.

• 1:48:31Speaker 01

  Years before the rest of us were catching up. And so he like.

• 1:48:35Theo Von?

  He'd be like the Lewis and Clark.

• 1:48:37Speaker 01

  This kind of our, he was chub perm of our group. And then so, and then suddenly he's got this swagger to him, dude. And there's no catching up.

• 1:48:46Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:48:46Speaker 01

  There's no catching up.

• 1:48:47Theo Von?

  Mm-mm. Yeah, there's nothing you can do to suddenly be in the cool group. And then like he was able to talk to older guys now suddenly, but.

• 1:48:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm still, I'm still roller blading, you know? Like I'm not, I'm still like, hey, watch me backwards roller blade. Is this sick? And they're like, no, dude, we're not having sex with girls. And I'm like, oh, so you don't want me? You don't want to watch me like fucking swerve these cones real quick? With these hips? He's like, I'm working on my hip movement right now, dude.

• 1:49:15Theo Von?

  Yeah, yeah, dude.

• 1:49:16Speaker 01

  I was a little, I was a little blader. A little blader boy. Yeah, that was a little bit of a phase.

• 1:49:22Theo Von?

  What happened to you?

• 1:49:24Speaker 01

  Dude, you're learning a lot about me, dude.

• 1:49:25Theo Von?

  What happened to you? There's so much that occurred.

• 1:49:28Speaker 01

  Dude, well, I couldn't, roller blading was easier in like eighth grade. Was easier for me to do than a lot of other.

• 1:49:39Theo Von?

  Cause your body?

• 1:49:40Speaker 01

  Skateboard. Like my friends were skateboarding, so I could roller blade because it was just a smoother movement and easier on my joints. So it was, I was already look like an old man thinking about my joints in eighth grade. So it's just me like wiggling my hips, skateboarding behind my friends.

• 1:49:59Theo Von?

  Yeah. Oh.

• 1:50:01Speaker 01

  Yep. Um, it wasn't that offensive. You don't have to be that disgusted by it.

• 1:50:06Theo Von?

  You're right. And I'm sitting there. Were you wearing kneepads and stuff?

• 1:50:10Speaker 01

  No, no, dude. I'm still, I'm still a badass. Yeah, dude. I'm still like wearing fucking chunky corduroy pants and.

• 1:50:19Speaker 01

  And like a fucking, uh, uh. A sick Metallica shirt with the lightning bolts, you know, I'm still fucking cool dude. I still have like a bowl cut, but my hair was was too, I like still I have my hair is too like buoyant.

• 1:50:33Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:50:33Speaker 01

  So it would, it just went like this.

• 1:50:35Theo Von?

  Dink. Oh, yeah.

• 1:50:36Speaker 01

  It's just like a little, like the tip of a dick. It was like a little dick head, just like a right here. And I could pull it. I could pull the hair. It was so buoyant. I could pull it and it would go down to here, dude. And then you release it and go toink.

• 1:50:50Theo Von?

  Damn, you had a beautiful thing going.

• 1:50:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was, I was looking good in the eighth grade.

• 1:50:55Theo Von?

  Man, you've been through a lot, man. You've been through a lot, dude. Do you, um, do you, will your stiffness, is it getting better? Is it getting worse? Do you feel like over time?

• 1:51:06Speaker 01

  It's getting better. It ebbs and flows. I have good days and bad days, but uh, it is getting better. Uh, so I'm still hoping to, oh, to be in Marvel, uh, if they give me a call. I got a lot of shit. Last time I came on here, I was like dunking on Marvel saying that they ruined comedy movies because everybody wants to watch these big budget things, dude. People were very mad. My agents were upset at me.

• 1:51:28Theo Von?

  Really? Since you said that, everyone in the world has agreed with that exactly.

• 1:51:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:51:33Theo Von?

  Including a lot of agencies. It's like, well, look, if we can't get him into Marvel, Marvel, what are we gonna do?

• 1:51:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:51:39Theo Von?

  I mean, we've had a lot of great.

• 1:51:40Speaker 01

  They were very mad at me. They were like, uh, don't, don't fuck with Marvel. Like, I cannot believe you said that on that podcast. I'm like, I wasn't dunking on Marvel, dude. I was just saying, I wish there were more comedies, but they don't make comedies anymore because everyone wants to see a $200 million epic, you know?

• 1:51:56Theo Von?

  Well, if they, if they need like mailman or something, then Marvel will come.

• 1:52:00Speaker 01

  Thank God. If there's a mailman superhero, I think I'm the guy, dude.

• 1:52:05Theo Von?

  What superhero would you be?

• 1:52:05Speaker 01

  Making your dad proud.

• 1:52:07Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would be someone that, uh, like an unexpected superhero where they're like, this guy, this is not a superhero. This is this normcore little bitch boy.

• 1:52:19Theo Von?

  Smoothie man or no?

• 1:52:21Speaker 01

  Soy boy.

• 1:52:21Theo Von?

  Yeah, soy boy, there he is.

• 1:52:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, little soy boy.

• 1:52:24Theo Von?

  There's so many heroes now, though. It's like, are these all heroes?

• 1:52:27Speaker 01

  I feel we're getting a little exhausted on the heroes.

• 1:52:30Theo Von?

  Hundred percent.

• 1:52:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:52:31Theo Von?

  Well, even, um, a lot of people were saying, uh, who was it? Just came out and said?

• 1:52:37Theo Von?

  That they're not even, it's hard to even have independent projects these days.

• 1:52:40Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I'm trying to get. I'm trying to get a few independent movies off the ground right now. Yeah, and it's, it's tough, dude. I didn't, I just, I've never done an independent movie. I've always done with a studio or with Netflix or with someone like that, someone with them deep pockets.

• 1:52:56Theo Von?

  How much budget do you need to make an independent movie, though?

• 1:52:59Speaker 01

  I'm like, I'm looking for like seven to 10 million dollars.

• 1:53:02Theo Von?

  That's a lot of money.

• 1:53:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:53:03Theo Von?

  This is Mark Duplass right here. He's made a lot of great stuff.

• 1:53:06Speaker 01

  He's made a lot of independent movies.

• 1:53:07Speaker 04

  Time for a big announcement.

• 1:53:08Theo Von?

  Oh.

• 1:53:09Speaker 04

  For those of you who know our company, you know, we love risking our, our money and making things independently that the traditional system would never make. And we've done it for years with movies like The Puffy Chair and The One I Love and Safety Not Guaranteed and, and documentary series like Wild Wild Country and Evil Genius. And we're doing it in television now, you know, with, with shows like Room 104 and The Creep Tapes and Penelope. But the problem is these distributors are telling us we're not valued these things the way they used to. And honestly, we're sick of it. And we know that you value these things. So, we are going to be bringing you our newest independently made TV series, The Long Long Night, directly to you, the audience members.

• 1:53:48Theo Von?

  It's interesting.

• 1:53:49Speaker 04

  Click the link below or in our bio.

• 1:53:50Speaker 01

  You guys did your movie independently, right?

• 1:53:53Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:53Speaker 01

  And you guys put your own money up?

• 1:53:55Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:53:55Speaker 01

  Woo, boy, okay.

• 1:53:58Theo Von?

  Uh, well, thanks, dude. Yeah.

• 1:54:00Speaker 01

  What's the name of it? Do you have a name?

• 1:54:01Theo Von?

  It's called Bus Boys, yeah.

• 1:54:02Speaker 01

  Bus Boys, sick.

• 1:54:03Theo Von?

  So it's just, Spade and I both worked as bus boys in Arizona.

• 1:54:07Speaker 01

  I thought you're both hit by buses. I was like, this would have been kismet.

• 1:54:10Theo Von?

  Oh, man, that'd have been crazy for all here, right here.

• 1:54:13Speaker 01

  Get Spade in here. He just pops out behind the curtain. He's like, I'm crippled.

• 1:54:18Theo Von?

  And we have a dolly that moves you around?

• 1:54:20Speaker 01

  Uh huh, yeah.

• 1:54:20Theo Von?

  Yeah, I'm just pushed everywhere. Um, so what's next? Your family's growing? Do you take a little time off of work? When did you guys finish Gemstones?

• 1:54:30Speaker 01

  We finished a few months ago, like three months, four months ago. Uh, and I've been just dad mode right now. And I, uh, I have a movie in development at Netflix. I, uh, I'm selling this show with the Workaholics guys. I got another show that I'm taking out.

• 1:54:45Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:54:45Speaker 01

  So it's a lot of like, production, like pre-production stuff. And you know how it goes. It's like, we're gonna make the movie. And I have like a couple of movies that are in development. Uh, and we're like, we're making the movie. And then it takes. Years dude.

• 1:54:59Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:54:59Speaker 01

  Years and you think it's happening and it takes so long. Uh, but for me, I love it. I love doing it. But yeah, I, I still had that itch of like. Wanting to just get out there and get something done right now. And that's why I do the podcast. But with the Work Hogs guys, this is important, but I also miss doing stand up dude.

• 1:55:20Theo Von?

  Hmm. Yeah. I was gonna say, would you consider going out and touring again? It's such a, that's such a grind though. Once you have a family. And you're acting and stuff like that. I feel like that's a tough grind.

• 1:55:29Speaker 01

  Well, cause it used to be like a fun escape from the grind of, of producing and starring in TV and movies. Because then you're, you're like, well, now I'm going to go on the road with my boys and it's like a party. And we're going to go for a few months and I'm going to do a ton of shows and it'll be great. It's like a little escape from my regular life of acting and, uh. And now like with the family, I'm like, I just feel like a dastardly dog.

• 1:55:55Theo Von?

  Yeah. Well, your wife had a freaking kid first of all, which she, I don't know if she should have done or not, but.

• 1:56:00Speaker 01

  I think she should have. Yeah.

• 1:56:02Theo Von?

  Okay. But yeah, once she did that, it kind of puts you in the hot seat.

• 1:56:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. And also like being around.

• 1:56:09Theo Von?

  That's supposed to be some kind of a joke, but I'm just landing. I was like blaming having a kid on just her.

• 1:56:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's.

• 1:56:15Theo Von?

  What are you doing having this fucking kid, huh?

• 1:56:17Speaker 01

  How dare she? Actually, she slipped that one by me. I just thought she was gaining weight. I'm like, look at my plump little Betty.

• 1:56:24Theo Von?

  She's looking all sexy, little round mound.

• 1:56:27Speaker 01

  Look at, look at her go, smug a little basketball in there. And then out came a kid, dude. It was wild.

• 1:56:32Theo Von?

  You just keep tickling her? Be like, hey.

• 1:56:34Speaker 01

  Hey, she's like, don't tickle me. Something's gonna pop out. She's like, oh man. She's having spasms in her belly like I do, looking like a little handprint coming out, just like me. Uh, yeah, dude, it was wild. When she had it, the, uh, our, our son Beau turned around when she, they pulled him out. He looked right back at me, dude. It was like, it was like, it stopped my heart. I was like. They, everyone says it's like a transformative thing to see your son or daughter be born. But it stopped me dead in my tra- he looked right at me like, bitch, what just happened? Like I've been all cooking up warm inside.

• 1:57:08Theo Von?

  Right.

• 1:57:08Speaker 01

  And now I'm out here all cold. He turned around and was just like.

• 1:57:11Theo Von?

  Like I'm the captain now.

• 1:57:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like I I steer this ship.

• 1:57:15Theo Von?

  I rise.

• 1:57:15Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 1:57:16Theo Von?

  Wow.

• 1:57:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was it was pretty wild.

• 1:57:18Theo Von?

  Dude, the origin story of humans is pretty crazy that you climb out of some woman's belly, dude. It's like Greek mythology type shit.

• 1:57:23Speaker 01

  It's the vagina, though.

• 1:57:25Theo Von?

  Well, yeah. Some of them come out the belly, dude.

• 1:57:28Speaker 01

  Actually, no, you were right. You were right, because it came, my wife had a C-section, so you were right.

• 1:57:32Theo Von?

  The perverts go out the.

• 1:57:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, dude.

• 1:57:34Theo Von?

  That's what I did, you?

• 1:57:35Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I'm a little freak like that, dog. I'm a little freak like that. Skid, skid.

• 1:57:40Theo Von?

  Yeah, dude, the. It's a party, well, dude, no. Do not lick on the way out.

• 1:57:47Speaker 01

  That's what I did. That's what I did.

• 1:57:52Theo Von?

  You're supposed to read the.

• 1:57:53Speaker 01

  I'm I'm ready to gobble.

• 1:57:53Theo Von?

  It says on the wall in there, do not lick on the way out.

• 1:57:55Speaker 01

  I know, I read it and like, watch me, bitch. I'm gobbling. I'm gobbling up the world.

• 1:58:00Theo Von?

  Watch me whip.

• 1:58:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:58:02Theo Von?

  Watch me nae nae.

• 1:58:03Speaker 01

  Nae nae, oh. I almost I almost said it at the same time.

• 1:58:06Theo Von?

  Adam Devine, man.

• 1:58:07Speaker 01

  The Von.

• 1:58:08Theo Von?

  Thanks so much, dude, for hanging out.

• 1:58:10Speaker 01

  So fun.

• 1:58:10Theo Von?

  I'm glad to see you be, you're physically doing okay. Your family's growing. Um, we gotta keep making fun, you have to keep making fun stuff. This was one thing that I thought was really exceptional that Danny McBride said. He goes, you know, I don't know if Hollywood knew that they wanted Eastbound, because people were always like, why don't they make they make shit like Eastbound and Down anymore? You always hear that kind of stuff, right? And he's like, nobody was asking us for something like Eastbound and Down. Nobody was asking us for something like Vice Principal. It was like, we just made it and then said, we know this is funny, and then they jump on it because you can't expect them to think of the next thing. They're, that's not what they do any, uh, he didn't say that's not what they do anymore, but that's what I start to realize. They don't have that creative thing anymore.

• 1:58:52Speaker 01

  That's our job.

• 1:58:52Theo Von?

  That's our job.

• 1:58:53Speaker 01

  Our job is to give them what we think is the funniest thing, and that's what we did with Workaholics and what we're gonna try to do with this new show, if we actually get to make it, is like.

• 1:59:05Speaker 01

  You make what you think is the funniest and what you and your friends would laugh at and what you wanna see. Uh, what you wanna actually watch.

• 1:59:13Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 1:59:13Speaker 01

  And then hopefully other people get on board and I, you know, I feel and I think you have a finger on the pulse too. Is we know what we like and it seems like a lot of other people like what we like as well, so. That, you know, I think you just have to make shit that you think is fun and funny and what. Not even what other people wanna see because they don't even know they wanna see it until you make it.

• 1:59:39Theo Von?

  Right. That's the, that's the thing. And that's a lot of things. It's like. If you wait forever to get somebody to sign off on your thing. Then it might, and I'd happen. You just have to go and, and try and figure it out. And investing in yourself, that's what I realize. Like if I lose investing in myself, I don't really fucking lose. It's like.

• 1:59:56Speaker 01

  And at least you did it and you had that experience and you know the nuts and bolts of creating something now. So if you decide to do it again, you can go. This is what I would change. This is what I would do differently.

• 2:00:06Theo Von?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:07Speaker 01

  Uh, and also the, like.

• 2:00:11Speaker 01

  Like, uh. With people making something that they think other people would wanna see, that's where you lose.

• 2:00:20Theo Von?

  Hmm.

• 2:00:20Speaker 01

  When you start to go. I, I know that they wanna see this type of show, like this is what's selling or this is where.

• 2:00:27Theo Von?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:00:28Speaker 01

  You know, I think that's when you get in a little trouble. Like make what you wanna make. And then hopefully that'll catch on because as soon as you start to like go down the path, then it's derivative. And people are like, didn't we already see this show? We've already done this.

• 2:00:43Theo Von?

  Then you're just kinda follow, yeah, then you're just a follower.

• 2:00:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:00:46Theo Von?

  You know? But yeah, it's tough. It's tough. It's tough to figure it out. And obviously you and I are, we're speaking from a place where, you know, we can afford to try and make a project. So it's like.

• 2:00:53Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 2:00:54Theo Von?

  You know, not trying to sound, um. Like knowing that there's not a barrier to entry to that for, uh, regular folks.

• 2:01:00Speaker 01

  It's lowered so much.

• 2:01:02Theo Von?

  I agree.

• 2:01:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:01:03Theo Von?

  I agree. It's so different now that you can get a camera, you can get a phone, you can figure something out yourself, how to make things, you know?

• 2:01:09Speaker 01

  Well, it, it was like when we did work, not to just keep harping on this shit, but there's, this is my experience. Is when we did Workaholics, it was the barrier of entry had just lowered. It used to be like, to make something like that, it was a hundred thousand dollars to make, you know, to even make a short film. Uh, for fifty thousand dollars or whatever. And everyone had to put it on credit cards and like, to try to make something that maybe would work.

• 2:01:35Theo Von?

  And you had to slurp off some producer somewhere.

• 2:01:37Speaker 01

  You would have to. You're constantly gobbling. You're constantly gobbling.

• 2:01:41Theo Von?

  And someone wants you to use silverware when you blow them or whatever. I'm like, how rich is this guy?

• 2:01:45Speaker 01

  Dude, my god, fucking pour some Grey Poupon on that bitch and do, do some gobbles. Uh, but now, you know, it's just, it, it was just like a camera and some lights and we were able to shoot something that Comedy Central was like, what you doing over there? You know?

• 2:02:02Theo Von?

  Yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. I don't know. I'm trying to sound inspirational to people. Um.

• 2:02:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too. I feel like it's a lot of word salad for me sometimes, but uh, yeah, I'm just trying to be a fucking inspiration.

• 2:02:15Theo Von?

  I think you are dude, survivor of Cement Truck.

• 2:02:19Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 2:02:19Theo Von?

  You know, the guys fought in the AEW. Uh, the Four Seasons of Righteous Gemstones going on right now. New projects in the works. The podcast, you can lock in. Listen to Adam have ideas, think about things, share everyday stuff on his life, um, with uh, some of the stars and um.

• 2:02:37Speaker 01

  Yep, this is important. Anders Blake.

• 2:02:40Theo Von?

  Kyle Nowichek.

• 2:02:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's been off the pod, he's been directing, uh, Happy Gilmore 2, so that, that bitch is busy. Too busy for the pod.

• 2:02:49Theo Von?

  Must be nice, Kyle.

• 2:02:50Speaker 01

  Must be nice.

• 2:02:50Theo Von?

  Mm-hmm. Um, Adam Ryan, thanks so much for hanging out, dude. Best of luck, man.

• 2:02:54Speaker 01

  Good to see you, brother.

• 2:02:55Theo Von?

  You too.

• 2:03:40Speaker 05

  Girlfriend, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, The X-Files, Wayne's World, and so much more. We're not worthy! The best things on TV really are free. You just have to know where to look. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.