How To Speak Up — When You Don’t Want To | From TED Business

What stops you from speaking up when it matters most? This week on Think Fast Talk Smart https://www.fastersmarter.io/, we’re featuring a special episode from TED Business. Healthcare leader Sarah Crawford-Bohl offers a practical, compassionate framework to have difficult conversations with clarity and heart — and shows how it can lead to stronger teams and real impact. TED Business is a podcast from TED that offers you a new idea and perspective for any business conundrum — whether you want to learn how to land that promotion, set smart goals, undo injustice at work, or unlock the next big innovation. Every Monday, host Modupe Akinola of Columbia Business School presents the most powerful and surprising ideas that illuminate the business world. After the talk, you'll get a mini-lesson from Modupe on how to apply the ideas in your own life — because business evolves every day, and our ideas about it should, too. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or here https://link.mgln.ai/DrHDe8. Episode Reference Links: TED Business https://www.ted.com/podcasts/ted_business Connect: Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart Premium https://www.fastersmarter.io/premium/Email Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>>Think Fast Talk Smart Website https://www.fastersmarter.io/speak-up-difficult-conversations/Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>>FasterSmarter.io http://fastersmarter.io/Think Fast Talk Smart >>>LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/company/think-fast-talk-smart/,Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thinkfasttalksmart/, YouTube https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6caGRBUYZCmgDGM2RK6mxKB9jG_ccmm3Matt Abrahams >>>LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/maabrahams/ Chapters: (00:00) - Introduction (00:59) - If Not You, Then Who? (02:14) - The Cost of Silence (03:38) - Avoiding Conflict at Work (04:33) - Why Speaking Up Matters (05:43) - Building Courage Through Practice (06:53) - A Moral Compass for Conversations (10:14) - Handling Tough Feedback (14:04) - QORC Apology Framework (15:54) - Conclusion ******** Thank you to our sponsors. These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost. Learn more about how Notion https://www.notion.com/?utm_source=podcasts&utm_medium=thinkfast can support your business at notion.com/thinkfast. https://www.notion.com/?utm_source=podcasts&utm_medium=thinkfast Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. https://learning.fastersmarter.io/?redirect_from=podpage

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Matt Abrahams?

  In the moment, conflict is difficult for everyone. In our October newsletter, out now, you will learn ways to help yourself handle these challenges better. Not only do you get specific advice, we're also providing an infographic to help you remember. Find our newsletter on the Think Fast, Talk Smart LinkedIn page or at fastersmarter.io under Resources. Speaking your mind can be incredibly scary, especially at work. You might question yourself, worrying if you came off as demanding, rude, or just wrong in front of the people whose opinions matter most. I'm Matt Abrahams, and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business.

• 0:42Matt Abrahams?

  Welcome to this very special episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast. This week, I want to share ideas for how to communicate our thoughts in important situations by sharing a special episode from a podcast I love called TED Business. It features practical tips and insights from healthcare leader Sarah Crawford-Boll. She'll offer a framework that will allow you to take in feedback with a little more ease, turn conflict into an opportunity for connection, and choose moments to speak up with more certainty. I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  I've brought up my late friend and mentor Kathy Phillips before on this podcast. She had a profound impact on my life, and the lessons I've learned from her remain with me to this day. One of the things she often talked about was the importance of sticking your neck out and engaging in difficult conversations, even when you don't really want to. She had a mantra for this that I'll always remember. If not you, then who? If not now, then when? I'm Madhupak Anola. This is TED Business, a podcast from TED. Our speaker today is healthcare leader Sarah Crawford-Boll.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  Her north star is her late mom, an intensive care nurse who was no stranger to difficult conversations. Today, Sarah will share some of the wisdom she learned from her mother and give concrete advice on how to speak up. Then, after the talk, I'll reflect on some more sound advice from my colleagues. But first, a quick break.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  Sarah Crawford Bowle now takes the TED stage.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Silence.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  It can be a needed moment of peace and contemplation. But what happens when silence becomes a barrier?

• 2:50Speaker 02

  A barrier that muffles the voice of truth,

• 2:54Speaker 02

  of advocacy, of change? Speak up, advocate for yourself, stand up for what you believe in. That's what they say, right? Well, even though I know they're right, it's easier said than done.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  I'm sure we can all think of a time when we faced a crossroads, perhaps the precipice of an uncomfortable conversation, when speaking up felt like the right, if not even essential, path. But silence seemed safer.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  I can vividly see and feel myself being in those moments, times when I stood red-faced, embarrassed, or offended,

• 3:42Speaker 02

  frustrated or angry,

• 3:45Speaker 02

  with a sinking feeling in my stomach, unable to find my voice, and unsure if I had the courage, confidence, or will to face the difficult conversation before me.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Self-familiar? We're not alone. Research from Vital Smarts, a global leader in organizational performance and leadership, tells us people would rather quit their jobs than address a challenging situation.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  In this post-pandemic time, with baby boomers retiring and a wave of quiet resignation upon us, the world seems to be working short-staffed.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  I'm a nurse and have worked in healthcare leadership for a long time. And I'm here to tell you, in this profession, we can't risk losing anyone, especially not for the reason of avoiding a challenging conversation. In a world where we are experiencing increasingly rapid cycles of change, we can expect difficult conversations, particularly in the workplace, to happen more often than ever before. Moments such as sharing feedback, identifying mistakes, or calling out disrespect. They're not always easy, but often critical to the performance of both individuals and a team.

• 5:09Speaker 02

  In healthcare where stakes are high, our willingness to raise concerns can be vital to the quality of care we provide, but also to the safety of patients and the care team. In fact, research also tells us that when we do speak up, we experience more job satisfaction, increased team morale, and in my world, support better patient outcomes. I've experienced this for myself. Now, I don't have all the answers and I don't always get it right. In fact, I make a mess of it sometimes.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  But often I've found it's a bit like cardio or weightlifting. Well, we feel a bit vulnerable at the time. With practice, we start to experience the benefits. It gets easier and we get better at it. We need to find a path to help us get past that initial fight, flight, or freeze response to get us to the table and make leaning into uncomfortable conversations the desired action for our own benefit, as well as to benefit those around us.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  Now, I was fortunate. I had some amazing role modeling by parents who encouraged me to use my voice, specifically when I knew I should but didn't want to.

• 6:37Speaker 02

  My mom, an intensive care nurse for many years, had a special ability to address tough topics: traumas, embarrassing bodily functions, or sharing critical feedback. She always created airtime for normally avoided matters. With a fierce moral compass that was sometimes incredibly frustrating, she advocated for what was right, showing me the importance of standing up for oneself and others, even when uncomfortable to do so. My mom, she died a long time ago now, and I still miss her desperately.

• 7:22Speaker 02

  Something I think I miss the most, though, is her always knowing the right thing to do and the way she guided me with that moral compass. And despite having a couple of degrees under my belt, lessons learned from that moral compass, they guide me more than any of my formal learning. She showed me that as leaders, and I mean all leaders, both formal and informal, we play a pivotal role in leaning into courageous conversations and creating a safe place for others to do the same. It's probably her strong commitment in this area that inspired me to go into healthcare leadership, a path that often puts me in an area of high conflict

• 8:07Speaker 02

  and tricky conversations. But in doing so, exposes me to innovation, change-making, and meaningful work. It's an incredible career that I'm honored to be a part of, and I owe it to my mom and myself to do it well. So when I find myself needing courage and confidence, making that moment to step into the abyss of a difficult conversation, I try to remember my mom's moral compass and the principles she worked so hard to nurture in me.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  I imagine holding a compass in my hand, the cool metal upon my skin, taking a breath,

• 8:52Speaker 02

  a moment to pause and ground myself.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  I see the directions of north, south, east, and west as symbols, reminders of her core teachings. North, I think about the North Star, a guide towards the good and right thing to do. In tricky situations, I remember my mom's voice. Be the best version of yourself. Take the high road. Say what needs to be said.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  South, the S in south reminds me of support. When people support me, I feel seen, cared for. When it comes to supporting others, I try to do the same, leaning into tricky conversations with kindness and an intention of helping people grow. And east, the E stands for empathy. Empathy sets the tone for a conversation.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  As a leader, I want people to feel safe coming to me. I try to understand their feelings and create a safe place for them to be themselves.

• 10:06Speaker 02

  And west, the W stands for wonder, getting curious about what might be going on for the other person. I ask questions and listen, so I understand before trying to be understood. When I focus on the principles of the compass, I'm able to move from reactive to proactive, getting into a mindset where I can be true to my values and share my voice.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  I recall a situation not long ago where I was able to put the compass to use. I was in a change management and communications role for a big project. And while the work was complex and bumpy, I was proud of myself. I was writing good stuff, inspiring hearts and minds. Or so I thought. One day, a physician came into the office where I was meeting with my boss, my boss's boss, and a number of other leaders. He had one of my newsletters printed out and was waving it in the air. Who's the cheerleader sending out this stuff?

• 11:12Speaker 02

  As an optimist, sometimes to a fault, I knew right away that cheerleader was me. While I was embarrassed, I had a split second to decide: Stay silent, or speak up? The compass came in handy in that moment: North Star. What was the good and right thing to do? Well, I needed to own my work, take the feedback. So I said, "That would be me."

• 11:46Speaker 02

  He lowered his arm and said, "Well, this is too positive. Not an accurate representation of what we're going through."

• 11:53Speaker 02

  Well, still defensive, I remembered: Support and empathy.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  I wanted to create a safe place where he could feel seen and heard. So, I suggested we sit down together, so I could better understand his concerns. Next step: wonder. We went to his office and I asked curious questions. And over some tea, he told me his story.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  He got out a red pen and circled the nine times I'd mentioned something positive in that article.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  I acknowledged. It was too many, understandably devaluing. I then asked if we could look for times I'd mentioned challenges. To his surprise, and frankly my own, eighteen times. Eighteen. I'd mentioned things that needed to be fixed. I was able to let him know I was embarrassed by being called out in front of my superiors. And he apologized. You know, that time spent together? It was valuable for me. And I think we both took something meaningful away.

• 13:06Speaker 02

  So I always remember the moral compass: North, North Star. South, Support. East, Empathy. And West, Wonder. I know when I'm true to my compass, I'm courageous, confident. The person I want to be, and I think the daughter my parents would be proud of. And with my husband and our two daughters, I get the chance to pay it forward. So I hope you'll join me in leaning into tricky conversations. Not only finding our voices, but understanding the imperative to use them.

• 13:51Speaker 02

  Stand up against the wrong, champion the right, and be the voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. No matter how shaky or unsure, we can be a powerful instrument of change and advocacy, leaving all people involved stronger as a result. Thank you.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  That was Sarah Crawford-Boll speaking at TEDxRRU. I love Sarah's image of the compass and the acronym she's created from it to ground herself in a delicate conversation. One of the hardest times to speak up is when we've messed up and we're the ones who need to swallow our pride, take accountability for our actions, and apologize. And my colleague Adam Galinsky has an acronym for this too. Q O R C, or as he likes to call it, Quirka Crisis. I'll break it down for you. Q is for quick. Make sure you can apologize as soon as you can, so there's no time for conflict to fester. O is for open.

• 15:09Speaker 01

  Be candid and open in your apology. R is for responsibility, as in take responsibility and focus on the other person and how it might have affected them. And finally, C is for commit. Commit to change. Let them know what you might do differently next time or in the future. It's okay if you need a little pep talk or a small map to help guide you through a difficult interaction. And if you can, try to remember that the beauty of difficult conversations is that they can actually be transformational.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  That's it for today. TED Business is part of the TED Audio Collective. This episode was produced by Hannah Kingsley-Mah, edited by Alejandra Salazar, and fact-checked by Julia Dickerson. Special thanks to Maria Lardius, Farah DeGrange, Daniela Ballarezo, Tansika Sungmanivong, and Roxanne Hylash. I'm Madupe Akenola. Thanks for listening.

• 16:16Matt Abrahams?

  That was an episode of TED Business with hosts Madupe Akenola. Hear more business advice, from weekly TED Talks to in-depth interviews with speakers on TED Business, wherever you listen to your podcasts.

• 16:31Matt Abrahams?

  Before we wrap up, I just want to say thank you for listening. It really means a lot to hear how people all over the world are using these ideas in their own lives. It inspires me and the whole team that brings you this show. If you want more episodes and resources, feel free to follow, subscribe, and explore past conversations. We're grateful for your support of Think Fast, Talk Smart.